What! I’m trying to get some sleep! I told you I- hey, what’s that thing? Why would I- ouch! Okay! Fine.
Testing, testing, one two three… to the owner of the blue sedan, you left your lights on. You don’t have to understand what that means, if this actually does reach another human, they’ll probably know what it means anyway.
Sorry about that, Twilight is insisting that I use this automatic write it up paper to record what has happened to make me end up where I am now.
So, if you are getting this, whoever you are, that means that Twilight was correct and I might be able to get some help, if not, then well…
That doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is that this reaches any other sentient being that might be able to help me with multi-dimensional travel.
Enough of that though, now, let’s start from the beginning.
In the beginning there was… sorry, got a little carried away, how’s about I start with where this whole began.
I’m a relatively average guy by my standards, though if anyone else were to say that anything were normal or average, I would ask “compared to what?” I mean seriously, what sets the standards for “normal”?
Sorry, I occasionally get sidetracked. Anyway, as I said I’m a relatively average guy, nineteen years old, about six foot two, skinny, and dark brown hair. I have a steady job, a cute girlfriend, a lot of great friends and a family that I love.
That’s enough about my life though, this is about how I ended up in this place they call Equestria.
So, let’s get to the night that it happened. I was just leaving work on my way to meet my girlfriend for what must have been our millionth date. It was pretty late at night and my car was being repaired in a nearby auto repair shop so I had to walk.
I was crossing the street when suddenly… nothing out of the ordinary happened and I crossed the road unscathed.
For most of the walk I decided to challenge myself, I started to walk with my eyes closed. Almost immediately after closing my eyes I got the sensation I was falling… before I opened my eyes and found that I had stepped off of the curb.
I stepped back onto the sidewalk and everything suddenly went black… then I could see again, the city had experienced a power flash.
As the restaurant came into sight I was hit by a flying pony.
Now I know what you’re thinking, how could a pony be flying? Well as it turns out here in Equestria the top of the food chain sentient creatures that run this planet just so happen to be ponies.
That’s not all, there are three species of these ponies, there are pegasusese-- ouch! Okay! Pegasi, happy? They’re pretty much just ponies that can fly and have wings.
Then there are Unicorns, who, as you may have guessed, can perform magic!
And lastly, we have the non-special ponie- ouch! Stop hitting me Twilight! Fine! Earth ponies! Are you happy yet!
Okay, anyway, then there are Earth ponies. They, instead of having the ability to fly, or perform magic, have more stamina, endurance, and are generally superior when it comes to most types of physical activities.
Anyway, I was hit by a flying blue rainbow haired pega- really? I have to say it like that? Fine, I was hit by a flying cyan colored pegasus with a rainbow mane whose name is Rainbow Dash.
Back to what I was saying, one second I was walking along the sidewalk, next thing I know I was sent flying through the air from a pegasus hitting me head first at the speed of sound or faster.
Now I know what you’re thinking, I should be dead right? Well I think I should to, but these ponies don’t like things dying, so I was put in a hospital seconds after I appeared here and was kept alive miraculously. Who knew a rib stabbing through your spine was deadly?
Now here comes their part of what happened. Firstly, there’s this pony named Rainbow Dash, who, as I mentioned earlier, is a rainbow maned, cyan pegasus.
She can apparently fly fast enough to break through the sound barrier, I don’t know how, but she can.
Now, she was talking to her friend Pinkie Pie, she’s a bright pink earth pony with a darker pink mane. Anyway, Rainbow Dash was talking to Pinkie Pie and she suggested that Rainbow Dash should try to break the sound barri- really? Fine, perform a Sonic Rainboom, with herself riding on Rainbow Dash’s back, to add the color pink to the rainbow that follows.
Long story short, they pulled it off successfully, somehow managing to break through the dimensional barrier for a split second, hit into me, then go back through carrying me along for the ride.
Now that the background is covered up, let’s get to what happened after my arrival.
I slowly regained consciousness, though I didn’t remember losing it. I could hear a quiet sniffling just to my right.
“What the heck is that noise?” I wondered.
Moving was a fruitless effort so I began to use my energy to force my eyes open. To my surprise they actually opened, and to be honest, I wasn’t expecting what I saw.
My eyes opened to see three ponies, the first one was a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, who I later found out was named Fluttershy, she was staring at me with wide eyes filled with tears.
The second was a bright pink pony by the name of Pinkie Pie, she had one of those loud party whistle thingamabobs in her mouth and an askew party hat on her head.
Lastly, was the Rainbow maned pegasus that hit me, she was also glaring at me angrily.
Next thing I knew the pink one was in my face speaking faster than I could interpret. From what I could, I heard party, your favorite, oatmeal, and cupcakes.
Though even if she would have slowed down considerably, I wouldn’t have heard it, mostly because I fainted.
Now before you judge me just think, how would you feel if you would have suddenly gotten hit by a flying blue p- ouch! Flying cyan pegasus traveling at about a million miles an hour, then woke later feeling terrible, just to find a talking pink pony bouncing you?
Most of the rest of what happened was pretty boring honestly, the yellow one cried again after I passed out, the pink one set up more party decorations and the cyan one left.
I was in the hospital for about three weeks after that and ended up sleeping most of it, which is why it was pretty boring.
That was a summary of what has happened so far, I am recording this on my hospital bed currently.
Now I know what you’re probably thinking, why is this Twilight pony hitting me if I’m in the hospital? Well it’s because I can be a bit blunt at times, and apparently ponies don’t appreciate bluntness.
Anyway, this scroll is running out of room so I guess this is it, either this will work or not, either way, I have to find a way back home.
Hey, it’s me again. I decided that if the letter even arrived anywhere that I might as well keep whoever read it updated on what is happening to me.
On that note, I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet, have I? My name is Courage Leon Dane, though I prefer to be referred to as Dane.
Before you make fun of my first name, I think that it would be fair to let you know that my mom wanted my name to “mean something” and be “special”. Also, you should know that my Sisters’ names are Hope June Dane and Destiny Fate Dane, and my brother’s name is Ludwig Von Dane. My dad got to name Ludwig.
Anyway, let’s start where I left off, when I left the hospital.
I felt great, and I mean really great, like the best I’ve ever felt, great. My ribcage had finally healed back into place and there was no longer a gaping hole through my spine into my back. I kind of wish I could’ve kept the hole in my back though, I would’ve put stuff in it. I’m not exactly sure what I would’ve put in it, but it would’ve been something awesome, like beef jerky, or a plunger.
Another great thing, now that I was up and about I could finally start finding a way to get out of this place and back to my own world. I’ve been gone for like three weeks; my parents were probably going ballistic.
They probably don’t think I’m dead or anything though; I’ve gone missing for longer before.
As I already mentioned, now that I was up I could finally find a way out of this place. That is, if it wasn’t for a certain pink pony. I mean Pinkie Pie by the way, just thought I would mention right now that all of the ponies around here look the same and are only distinguishable by their colors, and even at that there are a lot of them that share colors.
Anyway, I was dragged around town by Pinkie Pie all day as she introduced me to the townspeople- What? Oh right, townsponies. Sorry, I was just corrected by Rarity; I’ll get to her later.
As I was saying, I was introduced to all of the townsponies, who, most of which, ran and screamed in fear.
After what seemed to be thousandth pony ran off screaming we decided to find out why. Turns out that I was still in my grungy bloodstained clothes that hadn’t been washed in three weeks, which in retrospect smelt like something had died in it.
So Pinkie decided to have me pay a visit to her friend Rarity. Rarity is a whi- what? Fine, Rarity is a pearl white unicorn with a purp- what now? Fine, she has a royal purple mane.
Geez, what is it with these ponies and their colors? Why can’t they just be okay with the generic color?
Okay, okay, sorry girls, I’m being blunt again.
And sorry to whoever is reading this, you probably don’t even know who I’m talking to right now.
Anyway, where was I? Uhhh… ponies running off screaming… grungy bloodstained clothes… died… visit Rarit- ah!
Okay, so Pinkie brought me to this building by the name of Carousel Boutique, which is basically a dress shop, run by Rarity.
The second I walked into the building I saw how beautiful it was and simply marveled at how intricate and beautiful the design was- Dang it Rarity! There was not a cotton candy cloud raining chocolate milk! It was just Pinkie Pie making weird noises and drinking chocolate milk!
Where was I… wait a second, I don’t remember writing that last line… Rarity! Stop writing in my… uhhh… I don’t know, Twilight, what would this be considered, a journal, or like just a long plea for help or something? No it’s not a diary! Because diary’s are girly! There’s nothing wrong with being girly… except I’m not a girl! What do you mean you didn’t know I wasn’t a girl!
Uggghhh fine, whatever, I’m just gonna be over here, doing this, and all of you just stay over there, away from me until I finish this thing.
Yes, I do have to be so rude Rarity. No I’m not going to apologize. Because I didn’t do anything. No Rainbow, I do not want to fight. Yes, I am absolutely terrified about fighting you. Because, humans are pathetically weak compared to ponies and if you even playfully hit me lightly with one of your hooves it would leave a bruise.
No, I’m still not going to be nice to you, and threatening me will get you nowhere.
You want to know why I’m being so mean? Because you girls kidnapped me and have me locked inside this stupid library, that’s why!
Uuuggghhhh! We can discuss this later! I’m going to finish this… entry in my journal! Yeah, that’s what I’ll call it.
Anyway… crap, I lost my train of thought.
Uhhhhh… Ah! Okay, so the second I walked into the building I knew that I was going to get an earful from the staff that worked there.
That is, until I found out that it was a single unicorn that worked there. Yes, that’s right; a single unicorn runs the whole shop.
Anyway, exactly as I had guessed, the second I walked into the store I was bombarded by questions, critique on my clothes, and upon reaching the blood stains she completely lost it and fainted.
A few minutes later, after she woke up, she immediately stripped me down to my underwear and began work on making copies of them.
Her first attempt wasn’t my favorite and I absolutely refuse to wear it. Yes Rarity, I don’t care if it insults your work, I am not going to wear a bright pink sparkly v-neck covered in a variety of gems, no matter what kind of gems they are.
After explaining that I just wanted a few plain colored shirts she protested and we argued for a while.
We settled that they had to be plain no design shirts, but, she got to choose the colors.
Leaving Carousal Boutique satisfied, I was quickly intercepted by Pinkie Pie, who began to introduce me to the townsponies again.
Everything ended up fine until we ran into Rainbow Dash. After talking to her I found out why she was glaring at me angrily the entire five seconds I saw her.
Apparently after she ran into me and brought me into this dimension she was put on suspension from performing, practicing tricks, and flying with more than ten wingpower within a two thousand mile radius of any town or settlement in Equestria.
Fun fact, that leaves exactly four and a half feet left in all of Equestria for her to practice in, but it’s two thousand miles away, in the middle of a volcano.
She was put on suspension by a “Princess Celestia”. Apparently, she is a winged unicorn, or “alicorn” who rules over Equestria with her sister, Princess Luna.
That’s not the best part though, get this, Celestia rai- what does it matter whether I refer to her as “Princess Celestia” or not? I can’t respect someone if I don’t know them. Fine, somepony, but my point still stands.
Anyway, Celestia rai-fine, Princess Celestia, raises the sun and lowers it! I can’t figure out why it would need to be raised or lowered, but apparently it does.
And you may have guessed it but regardless, Princess Luna raises the moon and lowers it.
As I was saying though, Princess Celestia suspended Rainbow Dash because she didn’t understand how any of this even happened, and I’m apparently going to meet her tomorrow, so I get to look forward to that.
Sorry about this, but I’m running out of room on this scroll so I’m going to have to summarize.
After meeting with Rainbow Dash I was brought to Twilight Sparkle, who was supposed to “distract me until the surprise you-know-what was set up”. Pinkie’s words, not mine, I’ll give you one guess as to what it is?
Before I continue, I just realized I haven’t described Twilight to you; she is a purple unicorn with a dark blue mane that has a pink stripe running through it.
What? You’re cutiemark? What the heck is that?
Okay, so apparently I’m supposed to describe their cutiemarks too, those are marks on their flanks that show what they’re good at or something, I don’t know but here goes. Pinkie Pie’s is just a bunch of balloons, Rainbow Dash’s is a cloud shooting out a rainbow lightning bolt, Rarity’s is a couple of diamonds, Twilight’s is a directional map star with sparkles around it, Applejack’s, I’ll get to her later, is a few apples, and Fluttershy’s, I’ll get to her later too, is some butterflies.
Anyway, after about an hour of stalling I was brought to a surprise party prepared to introduce myself to the rest of the town.
While there I met Applejack, she is an orange earth pony with a blonde mane. I also met Fluttershy, who is a yellow pegasus with a pink mane, though I only found out her name after about twenty minutes of reassurances and prompting.
After the party was over and done with all of the ponies present went their separate ways and I made my way to a very spooky looking forest.
Now I know what you’re thinking, going into a spooky looking forest in the middle of the night in a world you are unfamiliar with is probably a bad idea right? Well, the trees were packed closely together and looked like it might be a nice place to sleep.
Finding a comfortable place I pulled my emergency blanket and inflatable pillow out of my pockets.
You’re probably wondering why I have an emergency blanket and an inflatable pillow right? Well, as I mentioned earlier it isn’t the first time that I’ve been gone for three weeks or more. I tend to get lost easily, and I mean really easily, so I began keeping an emergency blanket, pillow, and a few packets of dried food with me wherever I go.
Anyway, I found a nice place to lie down and tried to fall asleep.
Tried is the key word in that sentence, you see, apparently I am supposed to be supervised and no one, err, I mean, nopony, had thought about where I would stay, so they all just assumed one of the other five of their friends had taken care of it.
But, after Twilight went on a search for me at one of her friends’ houses looking for me to tell me that I was to meet the princesses the next morning, they all found out that I wasn’t in the town anymore.
Long story short, they refused to leave me be and let me sleep in the forest, instead deciding to have a slumber party at Twilight’s library to keep an eye on me.
If I haven’t explained it by the way, Twilight runs the local library, it’s in a tree. And no, I don’t mean like a treehouse, I mean it is literally carved from the inside of the still living tree.
And that leaves me where I am now, locked in a library with six mares, a dragon, and an owl, all of which I hardly know. Of the mares, there are five that I annoy greatly and before the night is over I am willing to bet each of them will hit me at least once.
Also, I bet I didn’t explain who the dragon and owl are huh? The dragon is named Spike; he is a purple and green baby dragon who assists Twilight around the library.
The owl’s name is Owlowiscious, he is another of Twilight’s assistants.
Anyway, this is the end of the scroll, you’ll get another if I survive through the night, wish me luck.
