Broken Cookie Cutters

by Jake Witt

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Original Character, Random, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Zebra, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 5792

You know how most ponies retain a copied shape? And how stories are supposed to have decent grammar? Here’s some shorts about the lives of ponies that broke the mold.

In December my laptop would’ve been broken for a year.

Well, I’m going to test my iPhone’s text to speech to talk about pony types that need more spotlight.

We’re talking hybrids, high breeds, miracles in disguise, and freak of the week! It’s what’s on the inside that counts but can friendship survive on the outside?

Published 2017-11-08 18:50:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-11 15:41:31 UTC

Pegacorn Problems

Author's Note

Warning: I tend to ramble.

This is an idea I had for a while and it inspired my concrete OC. In Season 2 you can find alicorn royal guards and Season 3 had alicorn Neon Lights... but what if they’re not alicorns?

I was tempted to put Sketch Draw/Box in here... but I’m tired of self-inserts.

Pegacorn Problems

The night comes to a close as Luna’s moon lowers past the horizon and the bright rays of the princess’s sun begins to rise.

Ever since you moved into your new house you’ve regret the existence of the sun and those under it. Boxes upon boxes of your belongings block your window and yet the light still reaches your eye from the cracks of the boxes.

You saved up some bits to move away and make a name for yourself and now you’re saving up to move back so there wasn’t a need to unpack everything you brought.

An odd, yellow unicorn lifted her body and got out of bed to welcome the inevitable. She tightened her pink robe and wobbled to the bathroom. She brushed her relatively short mane and sighed in disgust. You see, she tried dying her bright red mane a dark orange but somehow ended up with a blue dye, giving her an ugly purple color with red streaks.

You are not a purple nor do you want to be one or ever planned to be one and you’ve hated how it made you stand out even more than you already were.

You took off your robe, letting free two large wings, the source of your ire ever since you moved from Canterlot to... Cantertrot, a town known for its lack of originality and a strange strength of spirit. A spirit that redirects to wherever you stand.

Lifting your plastic tiara, you stare at your reflection; salmon eyes to salmon eyes. You frown, rubbing your chin, “What if I change my name to tinkle? What tourist would want to meet Princess Tinkle?” Your name is Twinkle Star and you have a slight deformity called “Almost Alicorn” where 1 out of 30 ponies are born with a horn and wings but lack the earth pony strength and the branching magic wells. It’s more noticeable with those dubbed “Pegacorns” than “Earth Unicorn” or “Grounded Pegasus” since the last two could be attributes of another birth defect. You are a Pegacorn, unfortunately.

Unfortunately? You can fly and use magic! Sure but not at the same time because of your lack of branching magic flow and you look like an alicorn. A princess. You moved to safely make a life for yourself but now you’re stuck being a Diet Princess for Diet Canterlot.

I stood guard next to her front door. A green stallion in his cardboard and plastic royal guard armor with a white body suit underneath and my blue mane gelled back with a few hairs out of place. I wasn’t wearing my mask or helmet today... because it was hot out and I lost the anonymous mask. Nobody has made a big deal the other times-

Your thoughts faded away as the Sleeping Beauty left her house earlier than usual, her silver, glittery boots shining in your eyes more than the artificial gems on her crown. “Captain Little Star, reporting for duty,” you drone the daily mantra. “I’ve found the optimal chilling wall and I refuse to move.”

“K.” She begins to turn and you start to move. “I accepted your refusal, bud.”

“And I refuse to get paid for nothing.”

“But following me around has the same impact as leaning on that ‘optimal chilling wall’.”

“Do you have any groceries you need?” I asked, briefly glancing at her gold star cutie mark with the silver border... and what lies beyond the border. “Any spring cleaning?”

“If I order you to get me groceries, can you get anything else but bananas?”

I tapped my chin, “So I hear you don’t like- HMMMMM- bananas?” She raises a brow. “I’m kidding! But you will have to wait for Rusty; I heard you’re starting to attract a bad crowd. The mayor has the whole three members of your guard on high alert with real weapons this time!”

Twinkle Star began to scan the area, “Then why did you offer to do chores?!”

“I outrank Rusty and Gutsy; I’m not missing out on the opportunity.”

“You know what? Follow me. I don’t care.” She turns around, almost whipping me with her red tail.

I fixed the helmet on my head and followed.

Nearly four months have passed but the sudden influx of your fans is still overwhelming. Anywhere you go and everything you do becomes a town-wide trend and a forced red carpet event. Your famous for existing and it’s stupid because there are more ponies out there that need the attention; not this act you put on day in and day out.

Though you’re fake around your fan base, there are moments where you can let a tiny bit of yourself escape. This is one of these days where you let a guest onto your stage.

You find Rusty Horshoe and Gutsy, your other guards, join you. They remove their white masks to let their respective tan and lime green faces free. The four of you walk to the Everflea Park where you find a hooded unicorn filly sitting at your usual bench. You just asked about her day.

She looks up, “What is it like to be a princess?” Her eyes seemed to be a mixture of blue and green that directed your attention away from the curious frown on her pink face.

“Straight to the point! Haha!” My fans laughed nervously behind me. “Well, originally you’re a regular pony with a quirk that some ponies can warm up to before being thrusted into the position where you wear shiny things, live wherever you want, and have appearances to uphold! It’s not an easy job.”

“Do you think I can be a princess?”

The nosy crowd ‘aww’ed while I let the question churn in my mind’s eye. I never want to lie and I hate this job... what do I tell her? Here goes a bad idea, “Well, I believe anybody can become a princess but there are trials. Some trials are personal to a pony and can very in difficulty yet there is one common trial that shows up at the beginning and the end. The easiest trial that starts and ends your journey.”

She stood on the bench to get to my eye level, bouncing as excitement and anticipation grew.

“It’s a question: Are you sure you want to be a princess?”

She stopped, looking down and then back up. “I don’t know? Maybe?”

Twinkle Star smiles, “I can relate to your uncertainty; a princess has a huge responsibility. In all honesty, I’m not a real princess- or rather I’m the Princess of Cantertrot and Acting. I fear my actions may reflect an image onto the real princesses sometimes. I’m still not sure if I want to be a princess but I don’t know what else I would be if I wasn’t.”

The crowd began shouting in support and outrage with words like ‘modest’ and ‘phony pony’ spreading around.

The filly took off her hood, showing her own tiny wings, “Can I play princess, too?”

I was taken aback from the surprise but not enough to stop me from placing my tiara on her head and bowing, “You may join me Princess...?”

“I’m Princess Berry Tart!”

I put on Little’s guard helmet, “And what are you the princess of?”

“Ice cream!” She hopped down as I led her to the nearest ice cream parlor, without a huge crowd of ponies following us. From the crowed, green smoke flew into the sky...

Joined Beyond The Hip

In this world, not every gem is flawless. Not every rock can be smooth. Not every Pegasus is meant to fly. With that logic, not everything can be normal. But why can’t we catch a break from those looks?!

My name is Sweet Moves. I’m the third fastest flyer in the Varsity track team and I would probably fly faster if my brother would stop sending junk in our system. Oh yeah. I have a twin brother, Gumball, who has my back... or more accurately is my back, technically. We’re born weird; he is sticking out of my back and his head rests on mine.

Honestly, life would suck more if he wasn’t a unicorn. I’m pretty sure he would be more depressed if he wasn’t. I mean, if I was in that position but without magic I would like my brother to scratch my nose.

“Yo, Sugar Lump!” I closed my locker, our heads meeting the golden eyes of Skip, “Do you have the time?”

“2:24 PM or 1424- 1425.” Gumball replied.

“I mean, is your schedule open?”

I thought for a bit. My minty hoof tapped the floor.

“We have a date with Lemon Zest.”

I looked up, “We do?”

Gumball nodded and in a bored tone, “I found another lemon. I’m getting tired of her patronizing us.”

“She leaves everybody lemons.”

“I don’t get a lemon,” Skip said with a frown. Skip is our best friend, the only pony to look past our defect. In fact, he turned Sugar Lump into something positive as a way to not pick favorites.

“What’s up, Skip?”

Skip took out a paper from his saddlebags, “I cannot find the x.”

“Can you show me the paper?” Gumball asked. I sat down, letting him get a good look. “It’s across the street from the Ponyville time capsule. Instructions are not 1:1 but I recommend facing opposite of Town Hall and taking twenty paces from the road and six to the left. This is assuming you’re in line with capsule location.”

“Do you want to help me dig up the treasure, after school?”

“Assuming it’s treasure. It might be a box of junk,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Sure.”

“Looks like I’m doing some heavy lifting,” Gumball agreed in his monotone. “Maybe it’s something cool.”

As soon as the bell rang we were the first one out of the doors of the old, off red school house. I levitated my goggles over my eyes as I felt Sweet Moves take flight as usual, the sensation isn’t the best but it’s the norm. What wasn’t the norm was the collision from the side.

Whatever hit us made it hard for Sweet to recover alone so I kept our balance. I tossed our body just as a crimson blur in a letterman jacket flew past us. Hockey Puck tried again but Sweet rolled out of the way and into a defensive stance. “Are you seriously doing this, now?!”

Hockey sweeped a hoof through his black mane, “What’s it to ya, bud?”

“Well, you’re attacking us... again. It’s our business as your constant victims to get a straight answer,” I replied with a smirk.

He spat to his left, “Nobody ask ya, hunchback.”

“Technically you did. You attacked my brother as well as myself by proxy. We don’t have time to hear the gears turning in that blockhead of yours.”

“I heard you’re digging up treasure and I want in.”

Sweet rubbed his arm, “I don’t know if it’s treasure.”

“Whatever it is belongs to me and you can’t stop me and you can’t deny my offer to let you join.”

Sweet sat down as he rubbed the bridge of my snout before face hoofing. I let in a breath and let out a long sigh, “You don’t have the map nor know where’s the location. We have the leverage on this.”

“I’ll beat the map out of you-“

We all looked at the nervous Skip, realizing the situation and making haste away from the school. Sweet ran up, punched Hockey, and began to take off but there was no time to remind my brother that the Puck Family are famous for their fights and their durability.

Hockey had us in a choke hold but to my benefit had him at the center of my force field, tossing him aside. “Charging,” I informed Sweet as he dodged punches and tackle attempts.

The fight took to the sky as the two Pegasi continued their combat in our element... or it would be if one of our wings weren’t sore. Hockey’s punches made contact, each one daring to break my focus. He then flew up, diving back down in a poor attempt at a Mini SRB Dive, a variant of Princess Twilight’s Sonic Star Boom... which begs where the ‘R’ came from.

I teleported us at the last second, passing Skip as we floated over Town Hall. I swooped down, landing next to the Earth Pony as we ran to the meeting place.

Standing at the start was a yellow crystal party pony that gleams in the sunlight, her cutie mark of half a lemon on cheese grater reflect her grate personality.

Her green, fluffy tail swooshed in excitement. “Ayyy! What up Dos Locos Tacos?” She took out a mane lemon and shoved it in Gumball’s open mouth. “What do you think we will find?” Lemon Zest is... my friend? It’s unusual. I’m not sure if she looks past my condition or just my brother.

“Ummm... maybe a crowbar for Gumball? That lemon seems pretty stuck...” I answered nervously.

She laughed uproariously while my back was flailing angrily toward her. She ducked her head, dodging the lemon juice and catching the squished lemon.

“I hope we find Discord’s paw so I can buy your farm!” Gumball shouted.

“One way or another you’ll BE on my farm!”

“What?”

“What?” Lemon parroted, sweetly.

I rolled my eyes as we followed Skip. The X was actually easy to see as it was red rose bushes within a garden of pink roses in an X shape. “Alright, who has the shovels?”

Skip points to Lemon Zest who points a statue holding rusty, old shovels. Above the shovels, the sign reads, “Be a darling and plant the red roses in front of me when you’re done digging? Thank you!”

Skip smiled, grabbing one of the shovels, “She seems like a nice mare... uh... Rarity! Neat.”

We dig into the garden, passing the roses to Lemon Zest who placed the roses into a heart shape. The three sapphires above the statue glowed, allowing a dragon statue to rise from behind Rarity and slide next to her with a stone heart presented to Rarity, who turned to the small dragon. Two red lasers shot from Rarity and into the spiked fellow’s eyes. It looked like they were holding the heart, smiling at each other.

“That’s too cute!” Lemon squealed.

We pulled out the chest from the hole dug hole. Gumball broke open the old lock but before we could open it, Hockey Puck and Tackle flew off with the chest. “Should we go after them or was the real treasure our friendship?” I asked.

Skip and Lemon look at me then each other. Lemon shrugged, “I dunno but we’ll find out tomorrow.”

Suddenly a hole in the sky opened and a unicorn stallion falls out, sticking the landing with the old chest in his hooves, “Hi, I’m future Gumball. Here’s the chest; don’t wish to be split. Also invest in pears. Lots and lots of pears.” He faded from existence on the spot.

Inside the chest was Discord’s lion paw, some scrolls, a scrapbook, and a picture of fourteen ponies and a dragon. You recognize the statue mare and dragon, Princess Twilight, and Starswirl the Bearded. On the purple frame, in gold letters, “See the light that shines from a true, true friend.”

“Hey! There’s my great auntie Pinkie!” Lemon pointed to the pinkest pony. “She died as she lived; on a party cannon!”

Gumball whistled, “The princess looks hot here.”

“Who wears bells on a hat?” I asked.

“This is some historic stuff! What should we do with it?” Skip asked.

Author's Note

In case I’m doing good, I want to try either an Earth Pony or a Crystal Pony.

Vote Now!

Booty-ful 1/2

Author's Note

Coin Toss Result: Tails.

Crystal Pony wins.

Booty-ful 1/2

I made it. I finally made it to a real theatre! Though, the stages of my youth are nothing compared to the stages of today. Sure I wasted more of my life to return to my glory but School is better than the mines.

Tomorrow is the big performance of a play based on a script, inspired by Princess Luna’s gaming obsession with elements of the writer’s initially failed story about two friends who play games. “Four Furious Friends Play Fallout Equestria 4” which is stupid title but I have to start small to get bigger.

“Alright, we need frozen Mrs. Ugly Mug to be lifted over Floor Matt’s head,” the director announced.

I cartwheeled and froze into my “cryogenic stasis” position in the hooves of Scribble Script.

“Hold it!” The director stormed onto the stage, “Center Stage, why aren’t you shining?!”

“Me or literal center stage?” I ask, the common misconception never fixed. Scribble let me down and I removed my ugly mare mask.

“YOU!”

“Well I’m stressed which negates my love-based sheen-“

“If you want a stallion; I have a stallion.” He whistles, “Bucket, baby, get over here!”

“Correction: my positive emotion based shine. Your solution would’ve made the stress worse and I would need to be replaced with a crystal pony with the same problem and the play will fail and I will lose my job-“

“Woah nelly!” Midnight Hoot, our Pat Back, shoved the butt of his prop gun on my lips. “Now y’all just calm yerselves now, ya hear? How about we continue the scene until she gets the idea and build confidence.”

I nodded.

The Director hopped down, “Places! Places!”

I got ready for Scribble Script to pick me up and steady my body. The thought of Midnight Hoot having my back again got me to crystallize, giving my blue body that ice appearance. I put on my mask and prepared for my fall.

“Action!”

The raider cowered under Floor Matt and my combined shadow. Floor Matt looked down on him, “I am the strongest.”

Pat Back held out his hoof, “Woah, dude, that’s your wife!”

The raider pulled himself behind the debree prop next to my landing mat, holding a prop arm. Scribble tossed me down on the mat and two crashing noises echoed in the empty theater.

Something felt wrong. The second shattering noise came from the sound system... but what was the first crash? I tried getting up but nothing happened. I tried again. I then decided my mask obscured enough of my vision and tried to take it off to no result.

“Oh Celestia! Oh Celestia’s mane, what did I do?!” Scribble Script shouted.

I heard several hooves around me.

I heard the Director shout, “Guys! Guys! Give her- Oh, she’s not walking away from this one.”

“What?! What’s going on?!” I shouted, followed by collective screams. I felt my head straighten up but my neck had an unfamiliar feeling. My mask was pulled off, letting me see the cast and crew around me. “Take a picture; it will... last... longer?” My eyes fell to what was undoubtedly my cutie mark of a director’s chair with a spotlight... on my prosterior on the floor with nothing above it intact. Out of the corner of my eye to my right is my detached hoof losing its shine and looking more of a dull stone than crystal. “WHAT IS GOING ON?! I CANNOT MOVE MY HEAD!”

The show went on without me. A few weeks have passed... probably a month. I really don’t care nor do I think my nurse does. I’ve been firing gumballs at the call button for an hour now and there’s no response.

“Our story today follows the guard chase with Broken Heart, a pony involved with hate crimes and hospitalization towards Crystal Ponies, including one Center Stage.” The news mare of the magic box had a smile that pierced my soul. Almost like she was laughing at my pain. The fact the magic box had color made her smiling face more infuriating as she kept pointing me out, having me take a back seat in a report about an evil mare.

The doctor came in with the specialist from the Crystal Empire to look at me, the startled jump he did was slowly draining some hope.

“Hello Ms. Stage, my name is Doctor Stunning Jasper,” he introduced himself, reaching out a hoof before quickly pulling it back down. “How are you feeling?”

“Angry. Angry that a simple mixup ruined my life and stole my dream. Maybe a bit livid that I’m running out of gumballs to shoot at the call button and I’m sure the nurses heard me. I’m pretty sure the glass is almost empty.”

Dr. Jasper nodded his head as he took notes before sighing. “In all honesty, if we were still back a thousand years ago; you would be screwed but today there’s a science that studies gems and a method to growing gems. Almost all my patients went through the experimental procedure.” He smiled, “Everyone of them regrew their lost body parts. It’s not a perfect process as it will take a year at most for you... assuming... um...”

I frowned at the catch. Nothing is free... except for the hospital room. The director is paying for that.

“Your hind quarters seem to be in mint condition, if you will.” He tugged on his collar, “Out of all my patients, I’ve never seen one shatter like this. Either their back half is gone or their back half is the only thing left and it’s donated to a pony that needs it. Your head and... uh... bottom seem to be-“

“Give it to me straight, Doc! Am I a lost cause or not?!” I shouted, nearly falling off my stand.

“No but if you want to regrow your lost parts; we might have to attach your head to the only working part of you and hope for the best.”

The other doctor gasped, “You’re not suggesting-!”

Dr. Jasper coughed in his hoof and fixed his composure, “Center Stage would be the first test subject for this unique gem growth. We will attach her head to her hip and require she returns every month for adjustments. If things get worse, she’ll have to be moved back to the Crystal Empire.”

Booty-ful 2/2

Author's Note

It occurred to me that I wrote her smaller than planned.

Booty-ful 2/2

My situation is getting worse and worse.

I agreed to attach my head to the open part of my lower back and I was forced to have a new job since I could never get back into acting. The job is simple: run as fast as my two can run, move a conveyor belt, and watch as ponies start wrapping chocolate bars.

When my shift is over, I don’t hail a taxi. Nopony can see me and those who do treat me like a freak of nature. I guess I would, too, if I saw a pony with only two legs... TWO LEGS THAT CAN OUTRUN EVERYONE.

I don’t know if it’s my constant forward lean or my decrease in weight; I can out run anypony on the ground, especially animal control. Why do they keep calling animal control on me?!

I actually found fun in this hopeless situation; speeding ahead of animal control, bouncing off walls and carriages, and just being an overall speed freak.

Today I returned to my apartment but stopped when I saw Scribble Script. I climbed up the tiny stairs I commissioned, startling the poor guy.

“Center Stage?! What happened to you?!” He cried, holding me up.

“Please put me down. Like, now. On the stairs or in front of my door. Just put me down.” I said quickly, kicking my hooves. He put me down on my steps where I jumped into the pot that once held a plant, unlocking the door. I ran down the steps and into the apartment, signaling Scribble to enter.

“What happened to you?” He asked again, turning on the lights.

We sat on my couch and I pulled out a box of cookies from my coffee table, “I pulled myself back together.”

“I’m serious... your a head on your rear! I think the doctors messed you up worse than you were!”

I looked up at Scribble, “I’m undergoing a gem growth program and this was the fastest option.”

“But you look like a freak!”

“Wow. Rude much? I think I look booty-ful... provided I don’t question how I breathe or where these cookies go.” I hopped onto the table, pulled out a lemon square, and returned to the couch with my prize. “The only thing wrong about this is that I’m a legal little pony, I have little pony needs, and everyone is a butt because I’m a literal butt with a head and legs.”

“S-sorry. Ugh. This wouldn’t have happened if I never got that role!”

“Actually I’m pretty sure another pony would break me. It was the fault of the safety manager not checking the mat for tampering. In fact, it could be anyone’s fault but it wasn’t yours.”

“Are you sure?” Looking up at his face, I couldn’t take the image seriously. He looked like some big foal.

“Positive. Besides, my only problem is how much I can hold.” I picked up the other half of my lemon square and let it fall again. “I can’t hold any dishes, hold anything hot, nor anything bigger than what I’ve stuffed in drawers around my apartment. If you want, I would like a helping hoof?”

“Sure.”

“Good, because I can’t wash my dishes.” He made a guilty face like he wanted to say no but felt obligated to stay. I rolled my eyes, “How about this: you wash my dishes and I can show you what else I can do.”

“Umm...”

“Parkour. I mean parkour.”

Scribble’s brow rose, “How does ‘I can show you what else I can do’ translate to parkour?”

“How does it not? I’m half the pony I used to be and-“ Suddenly my door burst open as Animal Control got out their stun prongs. I got up, tossed my lemon quarter at the first guy, front flipped off my couch, slid across my coffee table, and out the window. I ran down the fire escape, leaping off the railing with a clothes line in my mouth, and rolling down a set of stairs at the other fire escape, and ran deeper into the alley.

Animal Control positioned outside were hot on my hooves, flying low with nets to catch me. My night was getting better and better as I made myself glow bright enough to daze them long enough to climb on a dumpster and onto one of the Pegasus. I held tight on his left wing, allowing him to crash into his buddy.

I rolled off the other guy, bouncing off the nearest wall and bracing for a landing with my head between my hooves. I then rolled down the alley before reorienting myself and continued my sprint where I made a left down the sidewalk. The Animal Control carriage came out of nowhere, the small monsters and animals removing the element of surprise as I dodged the first net and bit down on the second sticking out behind it. I kicked my hooves back then forward as I let go... AND I STICK THE LANDING!

I begin to run but I forgot about the other two Animal Control Pegasi, who caught me in a dark cage. “Wow. I have to give you guys credit for how well you hid that!”

“The buck?!”

“Did that thing just talk?”

I pressed my face against the cage, “And this thing can sue for attemptive kidnapping, harassment, and assault. I’m not an expert on law but I assume there’s something against attacking a cripple.”

“Well shoot, Pound Puppy!” One guy said, worried.

Pound Puppy pushed his partner, “You just said my name, Rover Wrangler! Now I’ll be targeted!”

I fidgeted in place, “You could let me go and tell your friends to fix my door... Okay, I’ll sue for those damages no matter how we work things out.”

I was startled from the sound of metal bashing pony bodies out of the way. Scribble Script put down his metal pipe, opening my cage to set me free. “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” I said, crystallizing... pink? I’m blue! Where’s the- okay I shouldn’t deny it. He’s hot.

He lowed down and I got on his back, “If it’s alright; I’m taking you home tonight. I just cannot let you sleep in that apartment.”

“Okay,” I muttered. He began his galloping as I rode, not towards the sunset but down a street lit path.

Update: Broken Heart was caught and sentenced life in prison.

Update: Manehattan Animal Control were sued ten thousand bits in damages among other charges.

Tiara Tales: Joined Beyond The Hip

Author's Note

This is the first of Tiara Tales and Luna Lists.

These are outside perspectives from Diamond Tiara and those closely relating to her.

These are dream perspectives revealing secrets and feelings that may be bottled up or hidden behind a screen.

Tiara Tales: Joined Beyond The Hip

“Ms. Diamond Ri- Tiara? Your bath is ready.” A suited pony announced. Good Sport is the new Butler after Diamond fired the last one for stalking her granddaughter. Turns out her beloved was playing matchmaker... and hired the wrong pony. She only caught wind of the problem when Forged Ring stopped covering the last guy’s tracks and payed the price. “Ms. Diamond Tiara?”

Diamond Tiara snapped back into focus, slowly climbing out of her chair. She paid good money and her hips still feel like crap. “Did you set up the incense?”

“There’s so much cinnamon; it smells like Hearths Warming.”

“Is the tub warm enough this time?”

“Cool enough to not burn and warm enough for you to have tea cakes with Princess Luna.” He smiley briefly.

Diamond let out a light hearted chuckle, “When I said to exaggerate-“

The doors burst open as the heiress of the family company and Diamond’s granddaughter Ruby Locket ran into the room and landed face first into the couch, screaming in the closest pillow.

“Can you change the incense to lavender?”

“Yes ma’am.” Good Sport closed the doors behind him.

Diamond Tiara walked to the foot of the luxurious couch and sat at the end. “Ruby, dear?”

Ruby Locket groaned and turned onto her back, “I just! Can’t like! You know? EVEN!”

“Ruby, it’s in befitting to act, let alone talk like one without education.” She handed her granddaughter a velvet pillow, “You have to use actual words so I can help. You have the speech pillow.”

“I’m getting tired of Hockey Puck. He makes promises he fails to honor and this last one takes away my cake!”

Diamond took the pillow, “Why do you even bother with him? Every Puck I know were all brutes that cared more about their honor and glory than being decent ponies.”

Ruby caught the pillow, “He’s different.”

“If that colt is different; why are you mad?”

Ruby arced her hoof over her head, “He said he had this big chest of gold he dug up and flew in later with a decent sized chest.”

“That’s it?”

“Not really. We opened it up and found a ton of junk with the princess’s face on it! Books, rolls of paper, a few pictures; worthless trinkets.”

“First off: which princess?”

“There’s more than one?”

Diamond nodded. She could never understand why or how the current generation could forget about the only two ponies that can move the sun and moon, especially when the Princess of the Night visits the same day every year.

“So Princess Twilight’s face was EVERYWHERE! I mean, I know it’s her junk but she doesn’t have to put her face on everything!” Ruby crossed her arms. “It was the last straw; I just can’t even...”

“Can’t even, what? The odds? The playing field? The-“

“What’s a field?” This was the heiress of the company. Before Tiara could reply, Ruby huffed. “Oh, and he also got in another fight with the mutie.”

“Mutie?”

Ruby caught the velvet pillow, “They’re these ugly yet really cute conjoined twins. I think their names are Sweat Milk and Gumdrop? I don’t know. I kinda know them by their collective nickname: Sugar Lump. Whatever that means?”

A tear fell down Diamond Tiara’s eye, losing her two best friends around the same time is hard but forgetting them kills you more. Ruby didn’t notice as she rambled on and on about how fast Sweat Milk can fly and how his brother is the smartest pony in school. Diamond Tiara’s son is entrusting this filly to run the company in the future. What went wrong?!

“I mean, yeah, I COULD perform better feats of magic if I had a horn.” Ruby tossed the pillow but it bounced off her grandma. “Okay maybe I would give him a 8 out of 10 but his brother is such a downer! And it would be creepy having him look down on me if I were to date his brother... I wonder if they have conflicting life goals?”

~Meanwhile 4 years ago~

Gumball looked down at Sweet Moves in the mirror, “I don’t think we should focus our future in sports, brother.”

“Say it isn’t so!”

“It is so.”

“You can’t be serious!”

“Hello Sweet Moves, my name is Serious.”

“You just had to go there.”

“I don’t go anywhere without you and you better hurry; I bought tickets.”

Sweet Moves tilted his head, “What tickets?”

“Two tickets to Serious Town where everyone is real with each other.”

“Dude, stop.”

“No, we have serious business in Serious Town. We better not be late; the boss is serious.”

“Where are you going with this?”

“We’re bringing our serious faces only, to where? Serious Town.”

“Are you serious?!”

“Who else could I be?”

~Meanwhile in the Present~

“In fact, I never see them fight. I wonder how serious their arguments can get?”

Diamond smiled, “It sounds like they’re going places.” Unlike your version of the company.

Ruby got up, fixing the cushions back into position, “Thank you for listening to me, Ri Ring.”

“You’re welcome,” Diamond got up, “You should visit me, sometime.”

“Sure.”

“I’m serious; visit sometime.”