Princess Power Boot Camp

by Flapjaw

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Princess Celestia, Main 6, Princess Luna, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Tempest Shadow, Mystery, Sex, Profanity
Length: 33190

The Princesses get their flanks kicked one too many times and decide to train the lame out of their fighting techniques.

Celestia feels as though she isn't as intimidating or helpful in a fight as she once was, and neither is her sister, so she devises a plan to become formidable again. The four Princesses will train intensely for six months, and Rainbow Dash of all ponies will be in charge of the whole thing, the powers of some of the greatest ponies in history at her hooves, including a former commander of the Storm King's army and the great sorcerer Starswirl the Bearded. What could possibly go wrong?

(Due to the scope of this story it focuses on a lot more characters than are tagged.)

[[FEATURED on May 13th, 2018! My thanks to all of you!]]

Published 2017-11-08 18:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2019-03-16 19:03:47 UTC

The Beginning

A day had passed since the very successful Friendship Festival; old foes wandered the streets after the party, now thankful rather than hostile as their oppressive King had been vanquished. Ponies forgave the Southern Yetis of the Storm Isles for their transgressions, and even mourned for those who had been lost when Twilight's friends retook the city to save her. A pony who had lost her way had been saved by the power of Friendship, and she had returned to Equestria and Her ideals. It was another happy conclusion to what was nearly a massive disaster.

Even so, Celestia was displeased. They should not have been brought to the brink of total defeat so easily. They were better than that, weren't they? She was troubled by the thought that they no longer were, that she and her sister had become weak and ineffective through the years of peace, and so she paced worriedly in her private quarters, her sister lounging and reading a comic on her bed whilst they waited for the others to arrive. There was to be a secret meeting of the rulers of Equestria and Her closest ally, the Crystal Empire, and somehow they would set this right.

Twilight was the first to arrive, ever punctual, and in high spirits after recent events, at least until she saw Celestia's expression. “Princess?” It was an innocent question, her eyes friendly but intense as she tried to decipher the thoughts of her former mentor.

“Twilight, please, we have been over this. You are as much a Princess as I.”

“I know I know,” Twilight didn't need to hear the whole speech again. “Sorry, Celestia; force of habit.”

“Perhaps ye do not feel like a Princess,” Luna added, almost sounding bored, “For ye indeed lack much of what a Princess should have.”

“Luna, do be patient. We must wait for Cadance to begin, lest we say everything twice.” Celestia's remark made Luna drop her comic to her lap, an unimpressed expression on her face, but when she saw the chastised look Twilight wore she was awash with worry and regret.

“We do apologize, Twilight. We did not mean to insinuate that you are unworthy; nay, it is we who have failed you. You have not been provided the proper resources--”

“Luna, Cadance will be here any minute,” at this next interruption from her sister, Luna dropped her outdated sentence structure and regal demeanor... mostly.

“Pray tell Us, what exactly is the harm in saying something more than once? I have upset dear Twilight with my careless choice of words. Surely you would not deny me a chance to mend the damage simply to avoid hearing me repeat the point later?”

Celestia shuddered, her anxious pacing coming to a sudden stop in the center of the room as she shakily sat upon the bright orange rug. “I'm sorry, sister, it's just,” she seemed to swallow down trying to force her emotions to remain in check, Twilight draping a wing over her shoulders in a sign of support. Luna was much more concerned with the point of the meeting then, removing herself from the bed and cantering to her sister, but before Celestia could continue the door to her chambers opened.

They had been joined by the final pony Celestia had summoned. Cadance didn't have any words to banish the awkwardness of her moment of arrival, nor did she have any idea why Celestia was so upset, but ever the paragon of Love she simply strode forth and joined what swiftly became a group hug. They all patiently waited for Celestia to gather herself, so she could finally tell them what bothered her so. After a few minutes of silent comfort she spoke, soft and sad. “Our recent defeat was a colossal failure.” This confused the others, as Equestria had once again been victorious, but they listened intently regardless. “Our sweet little ponies were enslaved, if only for a short while, because even the four of us together could not outfight Tempest.”

“Fizzy,” Twilight corrected impulsively. “Her real name is Fizzlepop Berrytwist, but her friends call her Fizzy.”

“We assume that her friends are a group composed of yourself and the other Element Bearers.” Twilight just nodded to Luna in response. “Thou never cease to astound us, Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia used her wings to gently push the hug apart before the meeting could devolve into mutual admiration and congratulations: they didn't deserve it on this day.

“Our citizens saved us. Exceptional heroes among our populace, but still citizens. It is one thing when your friends follow you into battle, Twilight. It is another entirely for all of us and every guard at our command to fail spectacularly and need rescuing like the damsels in a minotaur's fantasy novel.” Celestia almost regretted the effect her words had on the others, their gazes shifting to the floor in shame, but now was not the time to be soft. “All four of us must improve in every aspect of combat to become the feared and respected warriors we once were. I have brought us together today to discuss who will become our trainers. They must be strong and bold enough to push us to our limits and beyond.”

“Hmmm... yes, We begin to understand.” Luna's wing extended to Twilight as she continued, facing Celestia with a determined expression. “Still, We insist that Twilight be given proper guards and servants.”

“W-what? I don't need any--”

“Yes you do!” Luna's insistence killed Twilight's protests, unlike when Celestia had merely suggested the possibility in times past. “If our guards were not so weak themselves then the city would not have been taken so easily. The Storm King himself was not even personally present for the attack, but still the guard failed to hold ground. If We must improve then so must they! Twilight deserves the best our land can offer.”

“Speaking of the best,” Twilight nervously interjected, ignoring her embarrassment. “I already composed a mental list of trainer candidates while you were talking. Do you mind if I use your writing desk, Celestia?” The Princess of the Sun had expected this part of the process would require input from all of them, but she didn't object. Twilight's horn lit up with her magic as she started to write while still several steps away from the desk. “Great! The more I think about this the more I'm looking forward to it!”

“As exciting as this is, the rest of you don't have a husband to stand in your place for a week. We'll need to find suitable stewards to perform your stately duties while we train.”

“We suspect this will take much longer than one week, Cadance. Our dear sister is both highly out of practice and a perfectionist.” Celestia huffed, but didn't bother to refute the point, Cadance just grinning nervously, but as the soothing sound of Twilight's magic and a quill scratching over parchment filled the room the rulers of the realm managed to move the conversation along more constructively. After thirty minutes of discussion, Twilight had finished her list and made her case to the others, justifying her choices. Celestia called for tea, the facade of a social visit fooling her servants until they left the room, and proposals on who would do what in the coming months continued. They planned for themselves a dedicated half of a year for training, with breaks on weekends to spend checking in on their stewards. Luna would have to merely scout the dream realm on occasion, leaving dreaming ponies to fight their own demons so she could get enough sleep to train as hard as the others.

Twilight had sold them on the idea of training in Ponyville, since they would need to oversee the training of Twilight's new staff in their downtime, and because it had many different types of terrain nearby for them to spar in. The meeting dragged on even as Spike was allowed to join them, sending letters by dragon flame to the appropriate individuals. They would soon travel to Twilight's castle to await the responses, but first there were ponies to brief on their new responsibilities.

Well, mostly one pony in particular.

“Nephew,” Prince Blueblood turned to greet Luna as she approached, giving a quick but respectful bow. It seemed she was in a hurry, and he didn't want to slow her down. “This is my sister's schedule,” she was almost past him as she said it, tossing the parchment in his direction carelessly, sure he would catch it in his telekinesis. “For today, at least. Here too is the schedule for tomorrow.”

“Auntie, what..?”

“The schedules for the next six months have been moved to your quarters by your new advisers. We shall return for a few moments each weekend to check in on Thee. Do nothing that We would not,” she turned to him with an excited gleam in her eyes and a smile on her lips, “Prince of Equestria.”

“I... I won't let you down, auntie Luna.”

“Good. If there is an emergency you can find us training near Twilight's castle.”

“Training?” Blueblood questioned, obviously baffled. Yet, Luna was only a few steps away from turning a corner and leaving Blueblood with his thoughts.

“Yes. The Princesses of Equestria shall become unstoppable forces of nature once again.” Just like that she was gone, Blueblood staring after her curiously for a long while. Quickly he recomposed himself, gazing at the list. Nodding to himself, he cantered on toward the throne room to get started.

Later, in Ponyville...

“Wait wait wait. You all want me, Rainbow Dash, most daring flier in Equestria, to train you, the Princesses of Equestria, in the most intense and grueling way possible for six months, with the goal to get your alicorn blood pumping and teach you so good that you can even fly circles around me?”

Celestia almost said 'yes, exactly,' but Twilight stepped forward, shaking her hoof. “Nonono, not the last part. None of us will be able to fly better than you, but you can make us much better than we are. Also I'm – I mean We, as in the Royal We and apparently something I need to get used to using – We are putting you in charge of the other trainers.”

Rainbow put a hoof to her face, sighing deeply, but steadily her posture relaxed and a thoughtful countenance overcame her. “O-kay. I can do this, but I need the rest of the Wonderbolts here with me, and their equipment. I won't be able to do shows while this is going on, but I'm not getting kicked out for it either.”

“Done,” Luna stated with finality. “We shall relay your demands Ourselves. As per royal decree you shall be the commander of the Wonderbolts throughout these six months.”

“W-wait, I didn't mean – Aaaand she's gone.”

“I really appreciate it, Rainbow. I know it's a lot of responsibility but Celestia was right: We need this. I've prepared a list of everypony We want working under you.” Twilight levitated her list over, Rainbow snatching it from the air to give it a long, hard read, her face creasing with concentration as she tried to work out the logic of Twilight's choices and how best to apply them.

“Stygian and Starswirl? They only just reconciled so I'll have to be careful with them.”

“I'm sure you can handle it, Rainbow! We have a lot of paperwork to go through in advance so Blueblood isn't overwhelmed, so you have a whole week to plan out how you want to do this. See ya Monday!”

Rainbow was more baffled the longer she thought about the list, and she scratched her head as she stared at the name 'Fizzlepop Berrytwist,' until she remembered who Twilight called 'Fizzy.' “I have to work with Tempest Shadow!?” According to Twilight they were all friends with her already, but Rainbow was definitely still cautious around her, and yet the Princesses apparently thought it was a grand idea to spar with her for the next six months. “Ponyfeathers.”

Moondancer stared hard at the letter that had appeared in a spark of dragon-fire in front of her face, her horn lit with a muted pink aura as she levitated the parchment. “A royal summons from Twilight. Not just a letter from a friend, but an official summons with a seal and everything.”

“You should definitely go!” Exclaimed Minuette from the other side of the table in the doughnut shop run by Donut Joe. “Even if she couldn't say why she needs you in the letter, I'm sure it will be fun!”

“Plus it's technically treason for you to ignore the summons.” The others gave a small laugh to Lemon Hearts' words, but their mirth was obviously false.

“It wouldn't be treason,” Moondancer countered calmly. “At worst you could call it infringement, maybe just disobedience.”

“I work with the crown,” Lemon Hearts reminded with a flat tone. “They would call it treason if they wanted to.” There was a moment of silence while Minuette chewed a doughnut and Twinkleshine looked nervously between Lemon Hearts and Moondancer, but the latter had simply returned to reading the letter for perhaps the thirteenth time.

“Twilight wouldn't do that, though; would she?” Twinkleshine sounded unsure of her words, Moondancer shrugging like she didn't really care. Minuette's emphatic nodding made her opinion clear, but there were too many unknowns in the mysterious summons for any of them to really be sure of much.

“Considering that she had time to write a friendly post script with sentiments for me to pass on to each of you and also the time I'll be spending away I don't think it's urgent, but it's definitely important.” A possibility dawned on Moondancer that she hadn't thought of before, her face lighting up with giddy anticipation. “Maybe it's a top secret research trip! Why else would we need six whole months?”

“That does make a lot of sense.” They all nodded together, totally sure of themselves in spite of how wrong they were. Though Moondancer would miss her friends, she was excited by the prospect of spending so much time with Twilight, certain she would learn all manner of new spells and tricks while in Ponyville.

“First a royal pardon and now a royal summons!” Grubber had adjusted to defeat rather quickly, mostly because the ponies offered him all manner of sweet baked goods which were some of the best he'd had in his life. He hadn't left Fizzlepop's side since they'd reunited after the party, some part of him suspecting that all the mercy she'd been shown had to have a catch and he wanted to protect her from it if he could. “Seems these Equestrians like you even more than the Storm King did.”

“Not all ponies are so kind, but if the Princesses are then perhaps they can inspire change over time. I know Twilight cares for all her subjects; the Storm King didn't.” The two made their way onto the Friendship Express, ponies and a few griffons boarding with them or squeezing past on their way out. When they took their seats they found their train car surprisingly crowded, as if several of Ponyville's residents had stayed in Canterlot after the Friendship Festival for some time for one reason or another. Across from them sat a unicorn with taped together glasses and a book floating in the aura of her telekinesis. Fizzlepop squinted at the title, but Grubber beat her to it.

“The Many Spirits of the Saddle Arabian Deserts?” Fizzlepop had to resist slapping a hoof to her face as Grubber started an unnecessary and potentially very awkward conversation with the unicorn. It was true that most conversations with ponies would be of that nature for both of them since they were directly involved in taking Canterlot for the Storm King, but she'd prefer feeling agitated by this particular example to acknowledging that depressing fact's full implications. “Why would ya need to know about that? You a battle-mage or something?”

Moondancer slowly lowered her book, staring at Grubber dispassionately. “I'm studying,” she answered flatly. “The Djinni entries alone have been both expansive and fascinating. I haven't gotten past them yet.” Her tone gradually became less agitated the longer she spent looking at the two across from her, an opportunity to learn more about the event that recently shook the entire nation too enticing to pass up, even for a book. “Aren't you two the ones who lead the attack on Canterlot?”

There was some anger in Moondancer's voice, but it was overshadowed by her curiosity, which Fizzlepop took to be a good sign. “I have submitted to the will of Equestria's royalty for my crimes, which has been an all-together more pleasant experience than I expected.”

“Yep! Those Princesses love the commander.” Grubber began to obnoxiously brag beside her, taking pride in her status and achievements as if they were his own as he always had. He didn't have an envious bone in his body; he was a loyal, lazy sycophant and Fizzlepop didn't expect he'd ever change. “Heck, we're actually on our way to help Princess Twilight with something right now.” Well, at least he had the tactfulness to not mention that their mission was a secret as yet not revealed even to them.

Upon hearing his words, Moondancer was so shocked that her telekinesis ceased and her book began to fall. When her horn had first been broken, Fizzlepop often hurt herself trying to catch falling objects, the resulting electric discharges damaging whatever she wanted to save, but years of training under the Storm King's toughest Storm Guard sargeants had retaught her to rely on her body and her hoof caught Moondancer's book effortlessly by mere impulse. “Try not to drop this again, please.”

“Th-thank you.” Moondancer took the book back with shaking hooves, placing it in her satchel. She was now certain that she wasn't being summoned for a research trip, unless it was going to be a particularly dangerous one. “I was just surprised since that's the reason I'm on this train too.” Grubber immediately burst into a fit of laughter, Fizzlepop quickly smacking him with a hoof and sending a vicious glare his way. “I suppose you are wondering what the Princess could possibly want from a totally ordinary unicorn such as myself.” That shut Grubber up a lot more effectively than Fizzlepop's empty threat, and he blinked at Moondancer in surprise.

“Uh... yeah, that's exactly what I was wondering. Didn't expect you to admit it though.”

“No, it's okay. I've been wondering that myself. It's a difficult question to answer. I find myself puzzled by an even more difficult question now, which is why in Tartarus she would want a short, fat, limp-wristed ape who needs a pony to do literally everything for him.” There was a long, awkward silence as they all stared at each other, Grubber scratching his arm self-consciously. “That came out more harsh and less funny than I wanted it to. I'm sorry.”

“Hey, it's better to fire back than to curl up and be offended, right?” Moondancer was glad Grubber seemed so willing to put the whole exchange behind them, but she was also surprised by how easily he seemed to brush it off. Obviously he had a cultural background that was entirely alien to her, having been a member of the Storm King's military.

“As much as it pains me to admit it, Grubber is actually useful. He planned the attack on Canterlot. He was technically a rank above me before we both decided to abandon the Storm King's forces on account of him being, kinda, shattered into several pieces and subsequently posed into several ludicrous positions with nightmarish anatomical compositions on a dance floor, a little bit.”

“I remember that, actually. I didn't know that the broken crystal statue was actually the Storm King's corpse until Pinkie Pie gleefully informed me that it was. She proceeded to whisper the same thing to everypony and ape near me, and probably everyone else too.”

And so the three bonded over how much Pinkie Pie mutually creeped them out, Moondancer eventually beginning to inconspicuously take notes on the peculiar relationship Fizzlepop and Grubber shared. None of them were aware that more people answering the same summons were seated in the next traincar.

“So, you gonna do it?” Capper held a confident smile as he said it, leaning back on his bench as if he was particularly pleased with himself. He stretched his arms and spread his legs to own the ridiculous amount of space he had, making his isolation look much more welcome than it actually was. By contrast, Celaeno shrunk in on herself self-consciously, her outfit much bolder than her pose. Ponies had opted to sit above sanctioned capacity on other benches to be away from the foreigners, and they were trying with limited success to ignore that fact.

“Do what, exactly?” All Celaeno really knew about Capper was that he was bold enough to attack the Storm King's army and inept enough to need to when they attempted to infiltrate the occupied Canterlot. She felt his cocky air was both unearned and inevitable.

“Quit being a pirate; settle down in Equestria; that sort of thing.”

“The crew is just taking a long-deserved vacation right now,” she said dismissively, crossing her full leg over the one that was half crystal in an attempt to somewhat mimic Capper's confident air.

“I always needed to steal to survive, kind of like a pirate, but I don't think I'll ever have to again if I stay here.”

“Because the ponies will take pity on you?” Capper suppressed a growl. “And we didn't just steal. We searched uncharted islands and found ancient treasures, and we will again.”

“'Didn't just steal.' So you did steal, and you plan to again.”

Celaeno clenched a fist, wishing she had a table to slam it on. “The Storm King didn't deserve his obscene taxes!”

“You're right, you're so right, and I've done worse, believe me.” Capper leaned forward slightly, a predatory glint in his eyes. “But when the ponies put a fair leader in power and those poor people start trying to get their economy back on track, your tax interceptions will be a lot less welcome. Besides, it's not like you weren't just takin' from the people to begin with. The Storm King only raised his taxes every time they were late.”

“What are you saying?”

“Just don't do something you'll regret.”

Celaeno flicked her steel sword an inch out of its scabbard. “Do you really think you could make me regret anything?” She no longer minded that the ponies were afraid of her, nor that she had to present her letter of summoning to bring her weapons aboard. In fact, she was rather proud of it. If there had been another bench with sufficient space, Capper would have moved to it. He was no longer smiling.

The Next Day, Behind the Castle of Friendship...

The isolation and stealth spells had been cast and tethered to a magical gem array to extend them indefinitely. The necessary experts had assembled, and the Wonderbolts were in the midst of setting up their training equipment and aerial obstacle courses. On the ground, Applejack was busy setting up obstacle courses of her own, Pinkie helping her add some flare here and there, while Fluttershy quickly ushered the last few animals out of the training fields.

Rainbow Dash lazily flapped back and forth in front of the Princesses, Starswirl and Stygian taking notes behind her while she sized them all up. According to Rainbow this was to be an introduction to the coming course. “Okay, we're gonna start with some sparring. It'll be the most common form of training for all of you.” Twilight and Cadance were both startled when Rainbow suddenly slammed down in front of the Princesses, Celestia tittering at them while Luna rolled her eyes.

“It's funny how they flinch, isn't it?” Celestia's small laugh stalled immediately, Rainbow giving her a cocky smirk. “You're first, by the way. Put 'em up!”

“I do not 'put 'em up,' Rainbow Dash.”

“Suit yourself. Onetwothreego!” Celestia had the presence of mind to raise her hooves, taking an ancient combat stance and ready to deflect whatever Rainbow threw at her. She overestimated herself, however, as the fastest pony alive blitzed forward, kicking out blow after blow so quickly that Celestia couldn't even determine what strikes she was employing, much less process how to counter them. “Dead!” Celestia felt Rainbow's hind hoof tap gently against the back of her head, even though her ribs were sore from previous strikes. Was Rainbow claiming she'd won? Celestia wouldn't have it end so soon, her horn lighting as she teleported directly behind Dash, taking a restrained buck to her stomach for her troubles. “Too obvious!” A hoof tapped her face while another held her neck. “Dead!” Dash kicked her into the dirt, a hoof gripping Celestia's and another tapping her knee. “Broken leg!” She reared up, but instead of smashing Celestia's face in with her rear hooves she merely demonstrated that she could have. “Dead! Broken wing! Dead! Dead! Paralyzed! Dead! You lose!”

It was Cadance's turn to laugh, but she shut her mouth as quickly as she could when Rainbow Dash looked her way next. Luna was hiding her smile behind a raised hoof, but Celestia wasn't finished with Dash. Her horn sparked behind the pegasus and her telekinesis held her still in the air mid-flap. “You only won because I allowed you to fight.” Celestia gasped when Rainbow's wings started moving again, the high concentrations of magic in her wings pushing through Celestia's hold and quickly freeing Rainbow's entire body.

“You will never attack anyone here unless you are actively sparring.”

“I didn't really attack--”

Rainbow turned around and pressed her muzzle against Celestia's, her eyes burning with righteous fury. “You will never! Ever! Attack anyone here unless you are actively sparring with them! Do I make myself clear?” Princess Celestia, the immortal alicorn who controlled the Sun that shone down on them from the sky, wilted under Rainbow's gaze and nodded her head with shame. “I can't hear you!”

“Yes! Yes, I understand. I won't do it again, it was wrong of me.” Rainbow Dash nodded, marginally satisfied, and looked around to see that the atmosphere was now much more tense. She was glad they were all finally taking their own idea seriously.

“Twilight, do what Celestia couldn't for ten seconds.”

“You want me to restrain you with telekinesis?”

“I want you to try.”

Twilight took a deep breath. “Okay.” Rainbow felt a force she couldn't resist slam into her chest at just the right angle, spinning her upside-down in the air before her wings were forced into a folded position and her forelimbs were magically slammed down over them. Twilight let gravity bring Rainbow to her back and allowed her rear hooves to kick uselessly, focusing all her energy where it really mattered, Stygian starting to count for them. By the time he reached 'ten,' Rainbow had made no progress, and she was beaming proudly when Twilight released her.

“Now, explain to the class how you did that.”

“Well, firstly that trick wouldn't work so well on alicorns or earth ponies; I have different techniques for those. Since pegasi focus their magic through their wings, they should be denied the chance to fight with them. By using Rainbow's other limbs to restrain her wings I prevented her from fluttering away my spell, and I forced her to her back early so her hind legs would be useless. A general tip is to keep your magic flowing over the subject, so it's harder to push past.”

“Awesome!” Twilight beamed from the praise, biting her lip to hold in a happy giggle. “And now it's your turn to fight, Twilight.”

“Since I know how to restrain you, should we just have a no spell spar?” Rainbow burst out laughing, rolling on the floor while Twilight's expression shifted from happy to confused.

“Oh man, no. You aren't sparring with me, you're having a magic duel with Starswirl.” Twilight tried not to hyperventilate. Their training had begun less than an hour ago and she was already wracked with nerves, but she'd wanted this. Dash was going to truly challenge them all, push them beyond their limits, and forge them into legends. She took another deep breath. She was ready.

Author's Note

I can't believe I initially called the burly Storm soldiers the Northern Yetis when they're clearly from the Southern Storm Isles. That has since been corrected.

Preliminary Challenges - Part 2

Capper tapped his chin as he watched the two ponies squaring off, his other paw reaching into the pocket of his exquisite coat and pulling out a small handful of Kluge Coins and Equestrian Bits. “Do we have odds on this? I'd like to bet on Rarity.” He'd meant it as a joke, but Stygian seemed to take him seriously, pulling a quill and scroll from his saddlebags and beginning to list points in favor of one pony or the other. Moondancer found herself drawn to him and his task, and soon Twilight was looking over their shoulders curiously. “Uh... I was just kidding.”

“Dash, how do you think a betting pool would effect the training?”

“Hmmm...” Rainbow shook her head at Twilight after a moment. “It's too early for that. We'll have better data for the odds after a few weeks. Could foster some friendly competitive spirit.”

“Well,” Fizzy remarked, “Equestria is certainly more... interesting than I remember.”

“Talk later: we've kept those two waiting long enough. Make a Sphere of Protection, Stygian!” The unicorn swiftly complied, Sunset aiding him when he began to struggle with the complex spell. “Three!” As Dash started the countdown Luna's gaze intensified, but Rarity managed to hold her composed posture, even examining a hoof idly to give the impression that she wasn't nearly as worried as she actually was. “Two!” Luna scraped her hoof over the ground and huffed. Rarity just yawned. “One! Go!”

Luna shot straight into a full frontal assault, wanting to take Rarity by surprise and end the duel quickly, but Rarity's horn gave a light sputter of magic and Luna found herself caught in a Net of Amyntok. “Tsk tsk, Princess.” Luna was tangled in tough white strands of magical energy, but she knew the spell well, lighting her own horn with a concentrated Chill Wind and slicing down through a few of the strands in front of her, freeing one hoof. “Oh dear.” Luna gripped the invisible strand that all the others branched from with her free hoof and pulled, forcing Rarity to either drop the spell or tumble forward. She chose the former, rearing up on her hind legs as Luna renewed her charge. “It was a dull strategy anyway, dear.”

Luna thrust a hoof forth with lightning speed, but Rarity had perfect focus, her left arm deftly deflecting Luna's blow and opening her defenses for Rarity's return strike, which followed fluidly with the same twist of the body and connected with Luna's muzzle roughly. Luna groaned and stumbled back, blinking rapidly to regain her bearings. She had just been kicked in the face. “We see you know well the Way of the Breeze, but how is your mastery of the Open Hoof?” Rarity merely widened her stance and pulled her arms back in response. “Good! That will make this all the more fun!” Luna struck with care and precision, Rarity catching her strikes but needing all her focus to continue doing so. Luna was using the greater reach of her legs to her advantage, and Rarity couldn't seem to go back on the offensive.

It went on like that for several tense moments, neither pony gaining ground, until Rarity found an opportunity to change her stance, dropping to three hooves and kicking out with the fourth. She had shifted to the Way of the Prancer, which Luna had never seen before, Rarity weaving and leaping under and over Luna's strikes to get in position for a rough buck. Luna let her body relax and took the hit, spinning across the ground and using her wings to stabilize herself shortly after, her horn pointed in Rarity's direction. Rarity cantered around the laser blasts as well, but the sheer speed of the projectiles made it a dangerous feat and her fur was singed from glancing shots that skimmed past her in several places. “You hit like a true battlemage, but we must now test your ranged capabilities!”

“I thought I was supposed to be testing you, Princess.” Rarity saw Rainbow nod behind the Sphere of Protection and knew that it was time to introduce the X factor. A complex spell she'd been taught by her fencing instructor came to form in Rarity's horn, and with much less strain than a teleport would have required she pulled her soulbound blades into existence from her internal magic. A rapier and a main-gauche parrying dagger studded with sapphires appeared near Luna in Rarity's telekinetic grip, and she split her focus between nudging Luna's lasers away with precise interceptions and swiping her blades down in a pincer attack.

Luna reacted quickly, pulling her horn back before the dagger could reach it and slapping the rapier away from her chest with a wing. “You dare to bring weapons into this fight!?” A chill filled the air even through the Sphere of Protection, Twilight stepping back toward Celestia impulsively and Fizzlepop's eyes widening in fascination. A great black and midnight blue war scythe appeared before Luna while Rarity retreated her weapons to her own position, but her breath quickened when Luna continued summoning Bound weapons in the form of two greatswords that appeared in scabbards attached to a set of black and silver armor that had been stowed by the same sort of spell.

“Well... that's just not fair.” Blades of sharp blue crystalline energy sprouted into existence all around Rarity, each stabbing and slicing from barely a foot away. Rarity deflected with blade and magic with the speed and skill born from years of intense practice, spinning the summoned swords away in shards before Luna could reach her. When the scythe lowered and a war-cry rung in Rarity's ears she was ready for it, sidestepping and stabbing at the part of Luna's neck that her neck barding and chest piece didn't cover, but Luna deflected the return strike with a wave of her armored hoof. The scythe was leveled and swung horizontally, Rarity prancing over it, then it swung higher in the other direction and she ducked under it, Luna crossing her forelimbs to block another stab. Rarity knew that Luna was too prideful to accept defeat unless Rarity could clearly demonstrate that she could have killed the Princess, but the only potentially fatal breach in the armor was too small, too easily defended. She could only defend herself and keep fighting.

“Enough of this!” Explosive force erupted from Luna's horn, concussing Rarity and sending her flying back along the dirt along with her weapons. Like their owner they looked thin and frail before the warrior Princess, but Rarity lifted them again as she rose to her hooves and faced her opponent again. The greatswords were unsheathed by Luna's magic and hovered in the air, pointed directly at Rarity. “How will you answer this!?” The air was filled with summoned swords to complement the two obsidian blades, a wall of sharp edges created between the two ponies, and after a short pause Luna provided to see Rarity's shocked expression they all flew toward her at once, and yet more were summoned behind them to join the barrage.

Rarity reached out to the leylines around her, following the root of one that felt heavily attuned to her soul, and she felt the gems beneath the dirt, sprouting off a root of the crystal castle behind her and begging for her touch. “Yah!” Rarity took a dignified stance, slamming one forehoof down directly in front of the other and calling the gems to rise. Hard crystals splashed out of the ground at absurd speeds, slanted toward Luna as they cut the sky, ripping apart the less corporeal summoned swords and beating the obsidian greatswords aside. Luna herself was rebuffed by the barrage as it slammed into the weak underside of her barding, and the Sphere of Protection failed and fell as the crystals smashed through it. Rarity was panting with effort and she could feel the last of her magic reserves pour into the bombastic attack. She didn't have any left and would need hours to recover it. Her fencing weapons began to fall, and she took the rapier up by the handle in one hoof while charging forward.

Luna shook her mane out, the stars in it sputtering, her hooves hastily lifting her scythe as if by instinct. She swung. Rarity jumped and spun in the air. Luna felt the metal of the rapier sink into the flesh of her upper chest, the blade stopping when Rarity was back on her hooves. “You're dead, dear.” Except, there was no blood, not after a short moment of observation. Moondancer found herself scratching at the base of her horn, unable to suppress a groan of concentration.

Luna's scythe was still held fast in the air by her practiced grip, but she hadn't anticipated Rarity's spin in time and her blade was not in contact with her opponent. “We lost.” Luna's face fell as the realization hit her. “Sister was right. We have both failed yet again.” Rarity was far too exhausted to respond to the emotion in Luna's tone, merely lowering her rapier with a far-away look in her eyes. She likewise missed the determined expression that shortly overcame Luna. “Know this, Rarity: you have done the Crown a great service this day! We promise thee that We shall dedicate Ourselves fully to this program. As you are one of Our trainers, consider me your humble servant for these next six months.”

“Wonderful,” Rarity muttered, dropping her weapon entirely and blinking slowly. “Does anypony have a fainting couch?” That was the last thing she managed to say before collapsing unconsciously into Luna's waiting hooves.

“Ah, she used all of her magical potential in the fight. That makes me feel slightly better.”

“Can somepony please explain what in Tartarus is going on?” Strangely enough Twilight seemed to be filled with giddy excitement by Moondancer's concern, trotting up to her with a massive grin on her face.

“I knew you'd notice something was odd before Spike told you! I'm sure you can piece it together if you just think about how you got here.” This was a side of Twilight that those accompanying Moondancer had never seen before, but she was all too familiar with it. When they were fillies they'd often construct elaborate, situational riddles for the other to solve, and they were always reliant on niche information from their shared studies. So, Moondancer calmed herself and thought about how they'd arrived. First by train, of course, but after that things got more interesting.

“Barrier of Neurobitus, yes; however, it's not classic as I first assumed, is it?” Twilight practically squealed with excitement, a sure sign that Moondancer was on the right track, and the approach of the other alicorns only affirmed her suspicions further. “You added a modified version of Paraphoal's Illusion Matrix to the spell. They both directly effect perception so it isn't infeasible to apply Paraphoal's spell to the domain of Neurobitus' spell, especially with a magical anchor as potent as your castle.”

“Yep! It's a PIM in a BoN! Observe.” The horns of the four Princesses lit together and they spoke as one, revealing that each had had a part in the original casting of the spell. “Revaulo!” Suddenly the burn marks on Cadance's fur and mane were gone, and the weapons and armor involved in the last fight were revealed to be no more than plastic replicas.

“Standard safety precautions aren't enough for a project like this,” Celestia began to explain. “We have the power to move celestial bodies at our disposal, and without Paraphoal's Illusion Matrix we would have to intentionally avoid using the lethal variants of spells. This is both detrimental to forming the correct reflexes, and is not at all guaranteed should we lose ourselves momentarily to the heat of battle.”

“In any case, it's a bad idea to continue with the PIM down, so...” Twilight paused and glanced at the others, and then the four of them spoke together again. “Reveilee!” Suddenly all of the illusions fell back into place, the knowledge that a spell modification of Twilight's design was able to change the thoughts with which Moondancer cast spells making her shiver for reasons she couldn't explain.

“Capper! Celaeno!” When Rainbow Dash yelled their names in her drill sergeant voice she jarred them all out of their state of impressed unease. The two she'd addressed impulsively stood at rigid attention, Celaeno reminded of her time pirating prior to becoming the captain of her own crew, and Capper remembering a time when he ran from such authoritative voices on the streets of Abyssinia with Chummer by his side. “Take Rarity inside where Spike will brief you and the other new arrivals. As for you four,” She continued, now addressing the Princesses. “You've got a long way to go before we're back to challenges like that. It let me know what I needed to know going forward, but for now it's back to basics. I want you all to do a hundred wing-ups right now!” Cadance winced at the mere prospect, flexing her sore wings pitifully, but Rainbow gave them the 'get to it' look so she bent down and positioned her wingtips on the ground. Twilight seemed a bit confused until she saw the other three in the proper position and followed their lead.

“Allow me.” Before Celaeno could reach Rarity, Capper had slid himself between them and lifted the unconscious pony in his arms, effortlessly carrying her toward the castle. Despite Rainbow's implication that they carry her together he didn't seem to need the help. As the lot of them made their way into the entrance hall they were struck by the majesty of the structure, as none of them had seen it before. A helpful sign pointed all newcomers to the map room, and when they got there they found Spike the dragon surrounded by the Pillars of Equestria, sans Starswirl and Stygian. Spike had been scratching a quill over parchment while listening to Rockhoof when the others entered, but he quickly paused in his task to appraise them.

“Good. We've almost got everyone now. You've each been selected to assist the Princesses with the most grueling and varied training program in the history of our world, because there is something exceptional about all of you.” Spike stalled as his gaze landed on Grubber, his snout scrunching up and one of his brow ridges lifting up a bit. “Except him: he wasn't on the list.” Grubber started to fidget nervously as Spike turned to Fizzlepop, too resigned to the insanity his life had become to muster up an angry expression. “You realize you aren't supposed to get a plus one, right?”

“He was with me when the summons arrived. The only way to keep him quiet was to bring him with me.”

“Can he do anything at least?”

“Yes, actually.” Fizzlepop's lips curled up into a slight smirk. “He may be a lazy coward, but he's a decent military strategist.”

“Apparently he planned the attack on Canterlot,” Moondancer added, smiling a little herself.

“Alright then!” Spike rubbed his claws together, a spark in his eyes as plans started to fall into place. “Flash Magnus, take short-stuff here to the library with Phase Three's diagrams and get his input on it.”

“Of course, noble scribe!” The pegasus in question gave a salute before leaping to Grubber's side in the blink of an eye. “Come, former enemy of Equestria! Let us design a mighty test for the last alicorns! And what shall we call you?”

“Well, my name is Grubber, so I guess that works.”

“Splendid!” The little hedgehog seemed hesitant to leave Fizzlepop's side, but Flash's warm mood was rapidly melting his fears and the pair had soon departed on their way to one of the castle's many libraries. It could almost be said that Twilight's castle was nothing but one giant library with several sections, but it lent itself well to its new purpose.

Spike then turned his attention to the unconscious Rarity, as well as how closely Capper held her. If he was jealous it didn't show, but the cat was surprised by how long it took him to address the situation. “Is she alright?”

“Just wore herself out fighting the scariest Princess.” Capper wasn't sure of his own words, having no idea what side effects accompanied magical exhaustion, if any at all.

“Mistmane, could you show him the way to your room?” Mistmane gave a slight bow of her head in answer, elegantly motioning Capper forth with a hoof, the movement impossible to avoid following, and he fell into step behind her before he realized he was moving.

“So, legends are just real now,” Moondancer said blankly, not sure how to feel about everything she was seeing. “The letter about The Pillars being rescued from Limbo wasn't part of an elaborate prank.”

“Yes, and they aren't the only supposedly fictional ponies you'll be working with. Twilight is letting you in on quite a few high-level secrets.” Moondancer gulped in response to Spike's words, feeling as though she didn't belong with the ponies around her.

“Twilight spoke most fondly of your intellect.” Rockhoof's voice rumbled through the room, felt as much as heard, and there was a smile in it. “It has been deemed necessary for all of us to grow and improve with the Princesses. We've been cut-off from the world for many moons, and it would do us well to have a modern education.”

“I'm...” Moondancer blinked several times, slowly wrapping her mind around her situation. “You want me to be the Pillars' teacher?”

“Twilight drew up this rough general guide to help you get started,” Spike said in affirmation, holding out a scroll of parchment, “but ultimately the lesson plan is up to you. Just review Rainbow's schedule so you can work around when she needs them.” Moondancer timidly took the parchment in her magical grip and trotted from the room in a random direction, sure her aimless wandering would both clear her mind and eventually bring her to a writing desk somewhere in the castle. “As for you, Tempest--”

“Fizzlepop,” she corrected immediately.

“Fine, Fizzlepop it is.” Spike rolled his eyes, the fatigue of dealing with so many different eccentric ponies in one day starting to show in his expression. He was still a baby by the standards of his species, barely moving into the phase of childhood before adolescence, yet he was already an important figure in international politics. Fizzlepop didn't really understand the extent of his achievements or the immense amount of stress he was feeling, but she could at least appreciate that he was having a long day. “The Crown would like to extend to you a formal invitation to become the head of Princess Twilight Sparkle's Royal Guard effective immediately.” Now that she had not expected, her jaw dropping open as Spike continued, sounding disinterested. “As such you would be responsible for the training of the new initiates. The Royal Pardon bestowed upon you will still stand regardless of your decision. You have one week from the time of this announcement to make your decision. Somnambula, please record the time and date of the announcement.”

“Uh, thank you?”

“Thank Twilight, and feel free to do whatever you want within the confines of the training area for the rest of the day. The initiates you're supposed to train won't be here for a few more days.” Fizzlepop briskly nodded and then turned around, eager to exercise for as long as the Princesses were training for the day. If they were going to focus on improving themselves then she would do the same. “And as for you, Celaeno, the Princesses are still debating how to properly repay you and your crew for your timely assistance of Equestria. As you accepted the summons you'll be helping with the swordplay portion of the Princesses' training.” Spike held forth another piece of parchment and the parrot pirate took it with a graceful flourish, giving Spike a playful look from under the brim of her hat.

“Seems I've got the first week off. You got any good reads around here?” For the first time since she'd walked into the castle Celaeno saw Spike grin.

“So many that you'll need to give me a genre before I can give you directions.”

“Non-fiction.”

“History, philosophy, or other?”

“History, Equestrian.”

Spike pointed to a doorway at his left. “Third left, then second right, up two flights, then the library you want is on your next right. Equestrian history is in the west wing.” Celaeno tipped her hat to the Equestrian legends and Spike before making her way to the texts she sought. After all she'd seen she was quite interested to know more about the forgiving but resourceful nation of Equestria.

Later that evening...

“How long do you think it will take for her to discover our intent?” One of two conspirators said to the second.

“Despite your high opinion of her deductive abilities it is obvious that she is far too humble to come to the correct conclusion in time.” So the second replied to the first. “I say that We let these trials truly begin before you start worrying yourself to grey hairs.”

Meanwhile, miles away but not many...

Special agent Sweetiedrops tossed a blackened rock away in disgust, leering at the grey clouds above defiantly. “Come then, if it really is you. This time we'll be ready.”

Stay the Course - Chipped Hoof

The heat beating down on them from the glorious morning sky had all the Princesses squinting, but Luna was by far the most uncomfortable with the absurd brightness, barely resisting the urge to mumble obscenities under her breath. It wouldn’t do to show anything less than a professional, ready attitude for the trainers of the morning, so even as their eyes were slightly unfocused the quartet kept their ears pointed in Applejack’s direction, who wasn’t wearing her hat but seemed unbothered by the lack of protection from the sun. Pinkie Pie was surprisingly quiet in spite of her massive grin, letting Applejack discuss what was in store for the Princesses first. “Good mornin’, sugarcubes! When Twilight done told us that y’all got earth pony power in yer blood, even though you don’t use it too much, we knew we had to get y’all used to relyin’ on it real soon. Can’t have ya defenseless as soon as ya get into a proper slug-fest with a minotaur or somethin’.” That was another thing adding to their discomfort: the leather harnesses strapping their wings down and the horn rings suppressing their unicorn magic. “Things like what y’all are wearin’ now are getting pretty common in recent days, but the discussion as to why will have to wait for later.” Twilight began to open her mouth. “Everypony knows you know, Twi.” She shut her mouth again with a pout. “The point is that the only way to stop an earth pony from wreckin’ house with ‘er bare hooves is to drain ‘er dry of all her magic or kill her. Full stop. You’ll eventually be versed enough in the ways of the earth to break out of restraints like those with yer physical strength alone, but to get all the way there y’all got to start with the basics. Stayin’ within the yellow guide-posts will get ya there eventually.”

Applejack gestured out to the obstacle course they were standing at the start of, beginning to break down each of its parts. “First thing is a simple hundred meter sprint to the first obstacle, which is twenty meters of laid-down cartwheels. Uniform construction, so pattern recognition will help ya there. Try not to trip.” Applejack smirked at them, her hoof moving almost imperceptibly to point at the next obstacle. “Cargo net right after. You’ll have to climb up with just yer hooves, then balance your way across the flat net to the drop. There’s a small mud pit at the bottom that you can just barely avoid iffin ya jump it just right. Next up are some under-over logs – you duck one and then jump the next and so on – ‘til you hit the monkey bars. Grip ‘em real tight with your fetlocks and ya shouldn’t have no trouble.” Applejack then nodded to Pinkie Pie, who had started rapidly vibrating on the spot in a way that seemed physically impossible.

“Alright, Princesses! That’s when things start getting FUN! There’s this thing I’m calling a cannon crawl after the monkey bars, and as soon as you pass a little magical trip-wire type thing, even though it doesn’t trip anypony and there aren’t any wires, the firepower starts up! When the last pony passes the exit it’ll stop. You’ll have to get down on your tummy-wummies and crawly-wallie under the barbed wire, which is actually wire, without letting any confetti get in your eyes. I’m pretty sure that would hurt a lot. Anyway, after the fun explosions there are some boring walls with ropes on either side for you to climb up with and then slide down on the other side. That’s when the course does a U-turn with a big, curved mud-pit! Keep your hoofsies clean by scurrying over the log maze and then jumping the log-jumpy bit! Gotta have really, really good balance for that. The logs aren’t really much of a maze, but they kinda zig-zag around a lot which is super fun! Then there’s this really cool weaver thing!” Twilight arced an eyebrow, looking at the pattern of horizontal metal bars that rose up and then came down again at a mild angle, slightly confused.

“Oh no.” Cadance bemoaned, having seen Shining Armor practicing with such an obstacle many times.

“We wanted to push ourselves.” Celestia reminded them all, trying to steel herself for the challenge ahead.

“Y’all done chit-chattin’?” They all nodded sheepishly, Twilight keeping her confusion to herself to let the explanation of the full course continue. She could ask questions later. “M’kay then. Next up is a chance for y’all to wash the mud out of yer coats. It’s a water-pit with a long-ish glass cover between the entrance and exit that you’ll have to swim on under.”

“Oh come on, Applejack.” Pinkie interrupted with a playful nudge. “You know it’s really a water-ball-pit.” Indeed there were several plastic balls floating at the top of the water at the entrance and exit of the pit, which would likely function as a minor nuisance at most, but at least it was visually striking and delightfully silly. “Then you walk on a rope with guide ropes on either side that are like training wheels on a bike, and then there are regular bike ropes after that.”

“What Pinkie means to say is that there’s a rope walk and then a rope shimmy. Y’all know how to shimmy, right?” They all nodded, except Twilight who shook her head again, feeling embarrassed. “S’alright, Twi; we’re gonna demonstrate in a minute anyway. After the shimmyin’ there’s three ‘steps’ of thick logs to vault for each of y’all, and then you have to drop safely.” It didn’t look too dangerous, the first step only maybe a meter high, not quite a mare’s average height but it would reach the nape of Twilight’s neck. The next two steps were just as much higher than the previous step, and a three meter jump wasn’t any higher than the drop from the net near the start. The last obstacle, though, was a different story. “Then there’s the seven meter wall.” There was a slight curve at the very bottom, continuing up for less than a full meter, and the rest of the wide wall was completely flat. “The fifty meters between the steps and the wall should give you plenty of room to get a nice running start, if y’all ain’t outta breath by then.”

“I even put slides on the other side and painted them to match your coat colors! You can have a celebratory slide back down every time you pull it off!” Celestia nodded back at Pinkie.

“What a wonderful way to end such a course.” Instead of glowing at the praise, Pinkie just awkwardly coughed into a hoof, waiting for Applejack to continue.

“’Twould be, yeah, but that ain’t the end.” Pinkie and Applejack shifted to the side so they weren’t partially obscuring the remainder of the course. Apparently it wasn’t a perfect horseshoe shape and was a bit longer at the second half. “After y’all slide down there’s four big rocks, one for each of ya. They each weigh exactly 80 kilograms.” Cadance's mouth dropped open while Luna smirked, grinding her hooves together. “After you push yours past the red goal-posts you move on to the hay-bale toss. Yer gonna use the ropes tied to ‘em to twist ‘em around and fling ‘em as far as ya can. Make it past the ten meter mark and you’ve done it. That’s the end of the Chipped Hoof course. After Pinkie and I demonstrate this one I’ll be off to help Rarity with another course to test y’all’s agility. The only reason we managed to build this one so quick is ‘cuz it mostly uses pre-built segments found in Royal Guard courses.”

“Hmmm.” Celestia didn’t seem particularly bothered by Applejack’s correction, a serene smile still on her face. “Even considering some portions were already built I’m impressed you and Pinkie Pie set this up in only five days.”

“Tweren’t nothin’, but thank ya kindly.” While Applejack calmly stepped up to the starting line Pinkie Pie bounced into place beside her, smiling manically. “The Chipped Hoof is also wide enough fer all four of y’all to go at the same time. Pinkie and I will be runnin’ the rightmost paths so y’all can see us good from the middle there.”

“Don’t forget to tell them the most important part!” Pinkie reminded her, but then went ahead and explained it herself anyway. “Any time you mess up and fall down on an obstacle, you gotta go back to the start of that obstacle’s section and start over on it! If you spend a whole hour messing around in there trying to get it right then you have to stop and rest until next time and start over. It’s okay if you can’t make it through this time. It’s super hard and this is only day five!” Suddenly Starlight teleported onto the scene, levitating a cup of coffee and a quartet of stopwatches. She had a serious case of bed-mane and bags under her eyes.

“Starlight!” Twilight exclaimed, leading the other Princesses over to her. “I’m glad you’re here already! Now you can time Applejack and Pinkie too so we can compare our times to ponies who already know what they’re doing.”

“Pinkie is running the course?” Starlight seemed perplexed by the idea, tilting her head. “Isn’t she a baker? What makes you think she’ll be better at a military style obstacle course than any of you?”

Twilight opened her mouth as if to refute the point, but nothing she could say would actually make much sense. After a moment of consideration she just said, “You haven’t known her as long as I have, so I’m letting that one slide for now. Just get the timers ready, please.”

Starlight rolled eyes, but did levitate two of the stopwatches closer to her face in preparation. They didn’t want to say it, but the other Princesses were as confused by Pinkie’s presence as Starlight. “Get ready to go in three! Two! One! Go!” Both watches clicked and started counting up.

“Woohoo!” Applejack was nearly knocked over by a blast of air as Pinkie took off like a rocket, kicking up a dirt cloud that she left in her wake. To Applejack’s credit she recovered quickly and started galloping toward the cartwheels. Nopony was watching her do so, most of their jaws hanging open as they watched a pink blur that vaguely resembled an earth pony doing cartwheels. Pinkie Pie had run the full 100 meters in one tenth of a second, dancing her hooves into the spaces between spokes for the cartwheels required by her path, and not necessarily in the most efficient order. Then she scrambled up the cargo net like a spider, if a spider could use the accelero spell, and she breezed across the top just as easily, bouncing off the end and doing a front-flip to land past the first mud pit. “Down-up-down-up-down-up!” She was past the six under-over logs. Applejack had just started on the cartwheels.

Pinkie jumped straight up from under the monkey bars with her hooves tucked to her chest, which didn’t seem to be a good way to reach up and grab them at the apex of the jump. Sure enough, her hooves didn’t reach the bars, but she wasn’t falling back down. Then she started gliding through the air as if her mane was gripping the bars and carrying her across. She flipped onto her back as soon as she was past the bars and closed her eyes, her mane and tail gliding her across the ground under the barbed wire of the cannon crawl in just the same way. As party cannons fired she inhaled confetti into her nostrils and then sneezed it back out. The rope wall didn’t seem to phase her either, as she just ignored the ropes entirely, jumping to the top of the wall and then down to the other side as easily as if she were playing hopscotch. She giggled happily while dancing along the logs over the second mud pit until she reached the jump logs, leaping past them all to the other side of the pit with a happy squee. It was enough to distract Applejack for a moment while she was trying to climb the cargo net at the beginning of the course.

Pinkie did a celebratory jump before hopping over to the weaver bars and then slithering through them like a snake in clear defiance of typical pony bone-structure. She bounced five meters into the air as she left the metal and then stayed there for a second as if gravity didn’t exist, her tail sparking like electric coils being charged with a current. She stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth while aiming herself and then dive-bombed into the water-ball-pit, her tail churning like a propeller and pushing her through the water in only twenty seconds. She shot out the other side and shook herself off like a spastic dog before scrambling up the steps to the tight ropes, headbanging to a song in her head while stepping across hers and the one without guide ropes with her eyes closed. Then she was at the step-logs she was supposed to jump, choosing instead to impossibly stretch her body to literally step up them and bounce down. That dropped her at the fifty meter run to the vertical wall, and she lowered her chest and shook her rump in preparation. Applejack wasn’t winded in the slightest as she reached the under-over logs, but she was still panting just from witnessing Pinkie’s insane speed.

There was another explosive sound and Pinkie shot up the wall like a ramp, her head poking through a cloud before she started to descend, inexplicably slowing down as she fell to the apex of the purple slide and casually riding down it with her hooves in the air and her eyes sparkling. “WHEEEE! Haha!” She cantered happily over to her rock and poked her nose under it, flipping it over onto its side with her neck muscles. Rock farmer, Twilight thought to herself. Pinkie repeated the motion a few times and soon the rock was past the red goal-posts. She shook her arms around as if she was playing an invisible set of drums on her way to the hay-bale, and then she tossed it up into the air and bumped it with her butt on its way down, sending it just far enough to pass the mark for the toss. Starlight was too stunned to stop the timer, and after a few seconds Twilight reached over and clicked it to stop it herself. While the others continued to gawk stupidly, Twilight just turned around to watch Applejack, attempting to decipher the best way for anypony other than Pinkie Pie to handle the course.

Applejack was doubtlessly channeling a lot of earth pony magic through her hooves to swing from the monkey bars as easily as she did, and it was clear why she left her hat behind as she crawled under the barbed wire, getting confetti in her fur, mane, and tail. It stuck to the sweat that already made her coat glisten, but Twilight knew Applejack wasn’t one to tire easily and she finally began to see just how demanding the Chipped Hoof was going to be for herself. Applejack shook her mane out as she left the cannons behind, gripping the rope in front of her with her teeth and hooves. Her hold was firm, and she made her way to the top of the wall without losing any progress to gravity, and then she made the same force her ally as she slid down the rope on the other side. She had to watch her footing carefully to get past the mud pit and she spent a short few seconds after each jump at the end of it to readjust her weight, getting past it without falling once.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed when Applejack reached the weaver, committing her carefully practiced motions to memory. She used her ankles and fetlocks to keep herself off the ground at her designated edge of the bars, moving through them sideways and maintaining at least three points of contact at all times to keep her balance. She was grunting with exertion when she passed over the last bar, taking a moment to catch her breath and moving forward at a slow trot. She took a deep breath before diving into the water-ball-pit, paddling through the water with serene patience, breaching the other side before the lack of oxygen caused her too much trouble. Even as winded as she was she made the tight-rope look easy, knowing exactly where to place her hooves to keep her balance, and when she reached the less stable, singular rope she wrapped her legs around it, hanging down from it as she shimmied across. She swung herself up to the platform at the end and cantered down the stairs, blinking irritably as sweat dripped from her forehead. She took three big breathes in front of the step-logs, staring them down, and then hopped up to the first, then the second, then seemed to be falling short at the third, which was the farthest. Her left arm shot forward and wrapped around the log, and she dangled there dangerously for a spell. She managed to shift her hips back and forth until she was swinging with the log as a pivot point and tossed her left leg up at the perfect moment, straddling the log and shifting her weight until she was on top of it.

After Applejack hopped down she almost collapsed, and then she growled and huffed like an angry bull, galloping toward the vertical wall with renewed vigor. She kicked up from the incline of the wall when she finally reached it, jumping high enough to toss her forearms over the top of the wall and yank herself up. She smiled tiredly as she went down the pink slide, but even though Pinkie had been supernaturally capable, Applejack was still moving through more quickly than most Royal Guards could and she knew it. “Yeee-haw!” The exclamation itself seemed to lend her limbs new life. The Princesses could see her muscles shifting as her sweat matted her fur down to her skin, and her haunches tensed as she twisted around and brought her chest low. Then she bucked the 80 kilogram boulder, sending it into the air and well past the goal-posts. In fact, it landed next to the hay-bales, which meant it was in Applejack’s way when she got there. That wouldn’t do, so she huffed and bucked it right back to where it started. She took a few seconds to clear her mind and then gripped the rope attached to her designated bale, spinning around like she had at several rodeos and releasing it at the perfect time. It soared through the air and landed several meters further than the course demanded. “Woo-wee! That was fun.”

Pinkie Pie stopped slurping up a smoothie she’d pulled from her mane and stuffed it back to where it came from. “You bet it was! This was a great idea, Applejack.”

“Thank RD later, then. She’s the one who got the big picture sorted, including all these obstacle courses.” Applejack casually lined herself up with Pinkie’s boulder as she spoke, bucking it back into its starting position as she had done for her own while Pinkie dragged the hay-bales back.

“Is nopony going to mention the absurdity of what We just witnessed?” Luna pointed at the bouncing pink pony with a shaking hoof. “Pray tell Us, what is she?”

Twilight looked back at Luna with a slight frown. “She’s my friend.” Her voice was icy and serious, simmering with suppressed anger. “I told you already: don’t question Pinkie Pie.” Twilight then waited for Starlight to pull forth the notebook for recording times, but she seemed to not be doing anything for quite awhile. “Starlight, the times.”

“Right, sorry.”

“Also, you didn’t stop the watch for Pinkie in time. Her actual time was three minutes and ten seconds, not three and fourteen, with a half second margin for error.”

“Yeah yeah, I got it.” Starlight quickly scribbled in the times with her terrible horn-writing, and Twilight had to squint to read it properly. ‘Pinkie – 3:10 / AJ – 11:43’.

“…You didn’t add the margin for error.”

“Twilight, I’m not writing ‘give or take half a second’ on this time-sheet.”

“Of course not. That would be ridiculous. You’re going to write ‘plus or minus thirty milliseconds’ with standard mathematical notations.”

“No, I’m not!” Twilight narrowed her eyes. Seconds passed. Starlight huffed. “Okay, fine, I’ll add the damn margin for error, for Celestia’s sake.”

“You know I’m standing right here, miss Starlight.” Celestia’s own eyes narrowed as well, and her sister looked miffed too.

“Yes, and so are We. Why does nopony ever exclaim that something mildly agitating but helpful is being done in Our name?”

“Ugh!” Starlight then turned to Cadance, staring at her. “Well?”

“…’Well’ what?” Cadance asked, confused.

“Aren’t you going to complain about something too?”

Cadance huffed and grit her teeth, practically growling through them while the other Princesses glared at Starlight with her. “You’re lucky all of us are wearing horn rings.” That finally seemed to wake Starlight up properly, and she realized she’d just antagonized every Princess in Equestria for no good reason. She suddenly chugged down her whole cup of coffee as if to fortify her senses against making another such mistake any time soon.

“I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me.”

“Hey girls!” Starlight flinched as Pinkie bounced over to them, Applejack already gone and on her way to help Rarity with another ground course. “Who’s ready for the Chipped Hoof!? It’s super-duper funsy-wonsy!”

“I suppose we better get started sometime.” Cadance seemed somewhat regretful as she spoke, glancing up at her mane. “Goodbye, clean and casual manedo. I’ll miss you.” They were all taller than the average pony, and Cadance was expecting the barbed wire to be Tartarus for her mane.

Back in Twilight’s castle…

Celaeno had spent the last week reading all about Equestria and its historical culture, hoping to have her curiosity mostly sated before she had her assignments mapped out for the training program. She reached for the next tome that caught her fancy, planning on a nice, relaxing morning of--

BOOM!

"squawk!" Her feathers rustled as she jumped a foot into the air, her crystal leg hitting the crystal floor with a loud clang as confetti settled over her and the bookshelf. "What..?"

"SURPRISE!"

"AAAAH!" She ducked in shock and pulled the blade at her side, twisting around to find--

Nothing. No one was there.

Celaeno shakily reached for the same book, lifting it from the floor before taking several slow, backward steps. She was trembling when she finally turned around and sprinted toward her quarters.

“Huh.” Pinkie mused, watching Sunset and Sunburst walk toward the lake together. “I just had a random thought.” Most ponies considered almost everything Pinkie said to be ‘random,’ so hearing her use the word meant that whatever she was talking about was exceptionally unpredictable, and the five other ponies around her gave her their full attention. “I don’t think anypony ever told our new friends about the surprises I hid throughout the castle. Some of the cannons have voice-boxes hooked up to them, too.” They all followed Pinkie’s gaze to a particular window, catching a burst of color that might have been a confetti explosion.

“…We’ll tell them later.” Twilight decided, turning back to the starting line for the Chipped Hoof. “Count us in, Starlight!”

“Three!” They’d all done their stretches, but it didn’t make the wing restraints any more bearable. “Two!” That was part of the point, of course. If they ever lost the use of their wings it would be at the least because of similar and tighter restraints. “One!” Cadance was on the far right, shaking out her mane, with Twilight beside her, then Celestia, and finally Luna on the far left side. They were ready. “Go!”

The others immediately broke into a full gallop, but Twilight tried to pace herself, making good time at a fast canter without getting too winded. The others started on the cartwheels before her, but they needed to take great care to get through them without an embarrassing fall. Twilight made a few quick calculations as she approached and shifted her gait, losing barely any speed as she cantered through the cartwheels. It was as easy as Applejack said it would be for anypony who noticed the pattern. She was first to the cargo net and found that climbing it was actually easier than she expected; it was all a matter of balance. The others didn’t seem to have much trouble with it either, but moving across the horizontally stretched part was a lot more awkward, and all of them slipped their legs through the holes in the ropes several times. Luna recovered from it the quickest, making her way to the edge and jumping down elegantly. She just barely cleared the mud pit, and her sister almost managed the same, only one rear hoof sinking into the mud slightly. Cadance took a second longer to compose herself for her own jump than Twilight expected, and the shifting of weight at the wrong time caused Twilight to trip up and fall horn-first into the mud.

Twilight gasped as she pulled herself out, reminded of her days at the spa with Rarity while the mud matted her fur. The taller Princesses were using the length of their legs to hook onto the monkey bars, very slowly inching forward, but as Twilight watched Luna lost her grip, growling in frustration as she stepped back to the small set of stairs that Pinkie had ignored in favor of simply jumping. “That’s not the point.” Twilight muttered to herself, tracing her hoof through the dirt. She remembered when Zecora taught her how to walk on water and the feeling of channeling powerful magic directly through her hooves with finesse and control. She couldn’t access the unicorn magic she’d used for that, but she wasn’t just a unicorn anymore. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could feel it.

Celestia was almost past the bars, Luna and Cadance still struggling, and then Twilight gripped the first bar at her fetlocks, just like an earth pony would. Even so it was taxing for her upper body muscles and she was suddenly very thankful for all the pull-ups Rainbow Dash insisted on. When she let go with one hoof to stretch it to the next bar the pain from the strain increased exponentially, but with a grunt of effort she managed to move to the second bar. “Come on, everypony!” Pinkie had slipped into her cheerleader outfit and was shouting encouragement from the sidelines. “This is the obstacle foals use to have fun on the schoolyard playground. It’s got nothing on you!” If Dash had said the exact same thing it would have been both sarcastic and highly motivating for how insulting it was. Since Pinkie said it she sounded completely sincere and chipper, which just made it even more motivating for how pathetic it made Twilight feel. Soon she was swinging from bar to bar with speed, the pain pushed to the back of her mind.

As Twilight passed her, Celestia closed her eyes and focused, searching for the same thing Twilight had found. She’d known her physical might once, long ago, and she could feel it now. Her legs slipped loose until they weren’t wrapped around the bars, but she grabbed them with her fetlocks, smirking to herself. Luna and Cadance nodded to each other and did the same, and all four of them left the monkey bars behind. To either side of them the cannons began to fire as they took to the next challenge. Twilight had the simplest time of it, the others having to twist with utmost care to keep their skin away from the barbed wire, their height becoming a disadvantage. Cadance's mane quickly became a total mess, but Celestia’s and Luna’s ethereal manes flowed under the wire without being snagged. The cannon blasts may have been loud, but Twilight was quite acclimated to them after so many years living in Ponyville, so she emerged on the other side, unfazed.

Cadance was a little fazed, but she’d get over it.

Twilight gripped the vertical rope in front of her in the same way she’d seen Applejack do so, the others following suit. Actually managing to pull herself up the rope took a great deal of effort, and she found herself slipping down slightly several times, rope-burn afflicting the frogs of her hooves. “Come on, you can do it! Climb climb climb!” Pinkie’s cheering was the precise opposite of a drill sergeant’s methods, as Cadance knew from Shining Armor, but Pinkie’s ludicrously good record for the same course they were struggling through enhanced the effectiveness of her encouragement by making it feel exceedingly patronizing. They didn’t have time to think through why Pinkie would never mean it that way, too busy sweating and straining to lift themselves without horn or wings. “Wooo! Go Celly!” She was the first over the top, straddling the wall to catch her breath. She remembered her youth, kicking and screaming in a forest to protect her sister. Her face hardened and she slid down the rope on the other side.

Balancing on the logs above the second mud pit was a lot harder for all of them than it had any right to be on its own, their already tired muscles twitching and cramping at the worst times. Twilight had just grown accustomed to using her wings to improve her balance a couple of years ago, and there she was in the mud, her wings having strained uselessly against her restraints. “I can do this.” She whispered to herself, paddling back to the start to try again. Celestia was the only one who hadn’t fallen, but it had taken her such a long time to reach the jumps. Somehow the vertical logs barely sticking up out of the mud looked a lot smaller up close, probably because she was about to try to land all four of her hooves on just one of them, and then jump from that one to another and another, and then make a heroic leap to the end. She tripped on the first jump, cursing under her breath and splashing into the mud. Twilight easily kept track of everypony’s failures, and by the time they were all past the pit Celestia had fallen twice at the jumps, Luna had tripped up three times, Cadance only once from moving extremely slowly the second time through, and herself tallying up four falls.

Pinkie’s smile was looking a bit strained as Twilight panted breathlessly, staring at the others trying to shimmy between the first two bars of the weaver. Twilight marched forward and made to copy Applejack’s expert motions from before. Tired, irritated, and disappointed in herself, Twilight pulled from a deep well of strength she was only just learning how to tap into, slipping over and then under the bars with a speed and fluidity that made the others pause to watch her technique. Soon Twilight was plunging into the water-ball-pit, the others catching up quickly, all of their hooves glimmering with a subtle magic as they paddled through the water. When Twilight emerged on the other side she was gasping and sputtering for a few seconds, but she ignored the burning in her lungs and pushed forward. Being water-logged made the tight-rope walk seem a daunting task, but Twilight followed intuition and stepped along where the guide ropes connected to the one beneath her. The taller Princesses struggled a bit more, having been more reliant on their wings for balance and for much longer, but none of them fell. Shimmying across the next rope felt almost too easy after their experience shimmying up one earlier, but it was another strain on their legs and those were starting to add up.

The step-log obstacle had a reputation amongst the Guard along with taller cargo nets for washing out any ground-bound recruits with a fear of heights, and none of the Princesses possessed such a weakness. Twilight was smiling as she jumped from one to the other and finally down with ease, adrenaline surging through her and making her strained muscles tingle pleasantly. She could feel her earth pony magic pulsing with her pounding heart, warming her from the frogs of her hooves to the tip of her snout. As if by some unspoken signal all the Princess reared down together when the last of them landed past the step-logs, and then they all took off at full gallop toward the seven meter wall. Celestia reached it first, her long, powerful legs slamming into the top of the incline and magically propelling her up until her arms could hook over the edge of the wall. Luna and Cadance didn’t make it quite as high, but their fetlocks still gripped the top, and with mighty heaves and grunts of effort, the least regal noises they’d ever made in their lives, they managed to pull themselves to the top and collapse onto their slides.

Twilight was the last to reach the wall, kicking off just like the others, stretching her arms as high as she could, but she came up short. She slid down the wall, her body slamming against the incline and bouncing into the dirt with a soft thud, her wet and clumpy mane becoming an even grimier mess in the process. She groaned, stretching her limbs over the ground in exhaustion. The horn ring was built for training purposes: firm, but not digging in nor locked in any way. If she just lifted her hooves and removed it she could cast a spell to quiet the pounding in her skull and banish the pain in her muscles. It would be relief. It would be against the rules. It would be giving up. She left the ring alone and forced her way to her hooves, panting as she turned toward Pinkie, who was a lot closer than she remembered. “Our magic doesn’t come only from our hooves, Twilight. We just channel most of it through them most of the time. Can you feel it spreading from your heart with every beat?”

Twilight closed her eyes, breathing slowly and focusing on the feeling of her lungs filling with air. She could swear she felt the oxygen reaching her heart, spreading through her body. “I feel it, Pinkie.”

“Let it help you, and finish this thing!” Twilight took a few steps back, smiled, and rushed forward. She jumped from the incline, soaring up through the air, over a full meter above the top of the wall. With a shift of her stance she fell straight to it and cantered down her slide. The others were struggling against the massive boulders, pushing them ever forward with strength they didn’t know they had, Celestia almost finished with hers. Twilight stepped in front of hers, took a deep breath, turned around, and bucked. She felt her legs shudder as a reactionary force that could have shattered them surged through to her flanks, and the reaction of the magic she’d focused there made the exertion almost pleasant. She felt a bit winded and the boulder was only half way to the red goal-posts, but she knew she could do it again and she did. Tossing the hay-bale afterward was just a matter of imitating Applejack’s practiced motions until she had the fortune to make a toss good enough to pass. It took her four tries. Celestia had finished first and Luna and Cadance were right behind them, but they didn’t care about that. Each of them was just glad that they’d done it. It was over.

“Good job, Princesses!” Pinkie squealed while Starlight recorded their abysmal times. “Now you just have to do it four more times and you’ll be done with the first half of everything you have to do today!”

Twilight had a feeling it was going to be a long day.

Author's Note

I've committed myself to remembering that pony forelimbs are still technically arms even though they don't have hands.

We Take Weekends Off

“You look terrible.”

“I know, Moondancer.” The first week of training had passed, and Twilight Sparkle was in desperate need of a bath. Before taking the effort to do so, she decided to spend some time sitting squarely on her flanks on a couch in the eastern study hall. There was a crystal table between her and Moondancer, and a trio of windows to her right, letting in the soft light of the late afternoon, slowly dissolving into twilight. “I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Really?” Moondancer had been prepared for her reason to be the intense training, so restless sleep was a surprising addition. Certainly she’d seemed irritable in the mornings, but Moondancer had assumed that attitude was attributable to the training as well. “Considering the amount of strenuous physical activity you’ve been put through I’d have expected your body to shut down hastily at night.”

“Luna is having a rougher time of it, having to completely flip her sleeping schedule, but there’s just something gnawing at my thoughts, keeping me awake. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just stress.”

“Alicorns were known to have vague premonitions of the future. You should give these strange feelings deeper consideration.”

“I--” Twilight wasn’t even sure of what she’d been about to say when the door to the neighboring library wing opened to reveal a tall unicorn with a broken horn. “Fizzy! Sorry I haven’t seen much of you this week. Rainbow and the others have been keeping me busy, but we have the weekends off so…” Twilight trailed off, noticing Fizzlepop’s serious gaze. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Nothing.” She swallowed hard, trying to get some moisture to her suddenly dry throat. She seemed to be having trouble holding Twilight’s gaze, but shook herself to banish her nerves. “Princess Twilight Sparkle,” she began, bending her right knee and sliding her left hoof forward, gracefully dipping into a deep, respectful bow. “I hereby accept your most gracious offer to Captain your Guard, if you will still have me.”

“Of course I will, Fizzy!” Fizzlepop looked up at Twilight with a small frown, but swiftly averted her gaze back to the floor. “Uh…”

“Wrong tone, Princess.” Moondancer made sure to emphasize that last word so emphatically that redundancy would be required to fully elucidate the degree of her emphasis to any third parties in the future.

“Right, point made.” Twilight stepped off the couch and tucked her wings to her sides, turning to Fizzlepop and cantering to her confidently. “As the Equestrian Princess of Friendship and the Element of Magic, I, Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot, dub thee Captain Fizzlepop Berrytwist of the new Twilight Guard. Furthermore you are the founding member, the Mistress of Arms, and the trainer of the first platoon.” As she proceeded with her improvised speech, Twilight placed her horn on Fizzlepop’s shoulders in a blessing motion. “You are my Sword, my Shield, and my Friend. All foes of Equestria who dare to live will fear your name. Rise, Captain.” She did, finally feeling truly free of her past and ready to forge a brighter future.

“Thank you, my Princess. I shall not fail you.”

Moondancer felt chills run down her spine, barely resisting the urge to clap. “Yes, that was much better.”

“With this I declare that we should congregate with the others in the great hall for blueberry muffins and peppermint tea.” Many of her other friends would have groaned to hear Twilight speak with such regal flare, especially about something so mundane, but Fizzlepop and Moondancer didn’t mind at all.

“I’ll ask Spike to prepare a mug of coffee for me instead.”

“Moondancer, it’s past 7:00 PM!” As they kept walking Moondancer pondered over Twilight’s declaration, genuinely confused.

“What does that have to do with my beverage preference?”

“It’s late.” Twilight reiterated, but Moondancer just stared back at her as they kept walking through the halls. “Coffee has a high level of caffeine in it.” Moondancer’s eyes narrowed with concentration.

“…Is this a riddle?” Moondancer’s obliviousness seemed ridiculous enough to Fizzlepop to make her giggle, but when Twilight looked in her direction she cleared her throat and tried to look stoic and serious.

Then Twilight draped a wing over her back and she almost tripped over her own hooves. “You’re allowed to laugh, Fizzy.” Twilight spoke kindly, nuzzling her neck. “Don’t forget the ‘Friend’ part of my Declaration of Captaincy.”

“Okay, Twilight. You win.” Fizzlepop managed to let herself relax after that, a happy smile gracing her face.

There was also a slight grinding noise coming from Moondancer’s direction, for some reason.

“We have created perhaps the best lecture on military strategy our world has yet seen, fair Grubber!” Flash Magnus stated with pride and quite a bit more volume than was strictly necessary. “Do say you will celebrate with us tomorrow.” Grubber wasn’t accustomed to the absolute deluge of friendly banter and good humor that came from working so closely with ponies who weren’t scarred for life and Tartarusbent on vengeance and retribution, but he had to admit to himself that he was enjoying it immensely.

“Hey, I’m not one to turn down free food, Flash. It’s not like I’m the one whose been bustin’ his ass outside all week. I got plenty of energy left for dancing like a dummy.” Pinkie Pie had taken the fact that they had weekends to themselves for some down time and recovery to mean that there would be parties every weekend, and she was in charge of running them, obviously. Rainbow thought it sounded like a good way to bring everypony closer together so she’d encouraged it, on the stipulations that any pony who was too exhausted to attend be allowed their alone time and Sundays would still be reserved for non-physical lessons.

“Ah, the frail recruits return!” The sixteen stallions Spitfire had been training all week limped their way into the hall behind a hooffull of genuine Wonderbolts, glancing at the Pillars and the Elements who happened to be present with embarrassed frowns. “If any program can shape them into true pegasus warriors it is this one.” As Twilight entered the hall with Moondancer and Fizzlepop, Flash raised his mug of cider high and called out to the room. “I declare a toast to the mind that brought us together! To Princess Twilight!” The other occupants of the room raised a drink of their own or shouted in agreement, bringing a blush to Twilight's face.

“What are they talking about?” Twilight whispered to the ponies beside her.

“A rumor has been circulating which I suspect is true.” Moondancer couldn't keep the smirk off her face as she spoke. “Apparently you were the pony to assemble the list of trainers for this enterprise.”

“I formulated the initial list, yes, but the other Princesses helped me finalize everything.”

“Really?” Moondancer asked. Twilight nodded emphatically. “And how much did they change?”

Twilight’s expression became blank and she just stared at Moondancer for several seconds before speaking again. “No comment.”

Fizzlepop laughed, hooking her arm over Twilight’s back and stretching the other toward Moondancer. “Got ‘er! Up top!”

Moondancer looked at the offered hoof, then at Fizzlepop’s smiling face, then to Twilight. “What is this?” She asked.

“It is called either a ‘hoof-bump’ or a ‘brohoof’ and is done in celebration of a well delivered jest. ‘Good one’ and ‘up top’ are common ways to indicate the desired return gesture along with the raised hoof. Observe.” Twilight then clopped her hoof into Fizzlepop’s mechanically for demonstrative purposes. “That completes the social ritual.”

Fizzlepop pulled her arms back and frowned at Twilight. “Don’t you think that’s taking the sarcasm a bit far?”

Moondancer and Twilight both looked at her with raised eyebrows and said, “What sarcasm?” at the same time.

Fizzlepop shook her head in exasperation. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” Twilight blushed and Moondancer huffed.

“Um, which one of us?” Twilight asked, trying to dodge the implications.

Fizzlepop glanced at them with a critical gaze and then gave a slight nod. “Both of you.” Suddenly Moondancer was blushing too. “Some would say you’re ‘adorkable.’”

“I’m flattered, Fizzlepop, but we’re not really into mares--”

“Speak for yourself, Twilight.”

“Oh!” Twilight’s blush grew with her embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, Moondancer.”

“You’re into mares?” Fizzlepop asked.

“Are you into mares?” Moondancer deflected.

“No, I’m-- well I don’t think I am, but I didn’t really grow up around other ponies.” Fizzlepop glanced up at the ceiling as she thought back to her days as a filly after running away from her village. “It was mostly bears, wolves, manticores, chupacabra, and vampiric jackalopes, until I made my way South to the Storm Isles and the yetis.” Then she glanced back down to Moondancer expectantly.

“Fine. I find mares marginally less annoying than stallions, but books are by far superior to both.” They all shared a good laugh at that, after which Moondancer gently readjusted her glasses. “Setting jokes aside, I don’t think any of us is quite romantically experienced enough to be certain of what we want just yet.” Twilight nodded at that and took a moment to look around the room, spotting Mistmane with Capper and Fluttershy at a table to the right, Grubber and Flash Magnus across the hall from them, Celestia and Luna were eating muffins to Twilight’s left, and Applejack was off to the left on the other side looking sloshed and leaning on Rockhoof for support. Spike was shaking his head as he walked away from Applejack to get more snacks from the kitchen, his lightly stained apron evidence of his involvement in preparing them.

Those elements accounted for, Twilight let her gaze drift to the cluster of pegasus stallions in the center of the hall. Many of them seemed to be taking the opportunity they had to be near royalty and legendary ponies in a casual setting to ogle the most striking mares in the room. If Celestia and Luna noticed them staring, they didn’t show it. Twilight even saw a few of the young stallions staring at Fizzlepop and she shook her wings in agitation, her feathers getting a bit ruffled. She should have expected such behavior, considering they were on hoof to be beaten down by the Princesses in several challenges and thought the price worth the reward. The price and reward were the same thing, of course, which just made it weirder. “Checking out the stallions, huh?” Twilight paled, frozen by that accursed voice. How had she not heard or seen Cadance's approach? She didn’t have the answer. “Which one has the best butt?”

Twilight let out a long-suffering sigh. “I don’t know, Cadance. You’re the expert; why don’t you tell me?”

“Oh don’t be like that, Twilight.” Cadance waved a wing in a gesture that indicated some mixture of teasing, admonishment, and disappointment. Twilight knew because she’d studied pegasus wing expression many years ago, and Cadance had been a pegasus before becoming an alicorn. “I know you have a thing for a stallion in uniform.” It was true that she’d developed a minor fixation on Guards as a filly from spending too much time with Shining’s charming, buff, and sometimes sweaty friends as a filly. She closed her eyes, trying to will away the dirty thoughts.

“They aren’t in uniform.” Twilight rebuked. “They are wannabe Wonderbolts who rushed here at the prospect of me punching them in the face. I might just oblige them sometime.”

“Twilight, be nice!”

“They can’t hear me.” Cadance ignored that detail completely.

“These stallions might have been gunning for the Wonderbolts before--”

“And right now.”

“--but who’s to say they won’t adjust their career path soon, hmmm?” Cadance began to waggle her eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe a few of them will decide to join your Guard instead after they get to know you.”

“You mean after they decide I have a nice ass.” Twilight was doing her best to say anything she could to get Cadance to drop the inane topic but it didn’t seem to be working.

“And what’s wrong with that?” Cadance intoned sweetly, leaning down and breathing over Twilight’s ear, her target clearly becoming flustered. “Come on, you know you can’t resist a tall, armoured Guard, especially if he’s a Captain.” Twilight glanced involuntarily at Fizzlepop for a split second, and that was plenty long enough for Cadance to notice and seal her fate. “No way!”

“Cadance, shut up.”

“This is soooo cute!”

“Stop talking.” She didn’t.

“Oh, they grow up so fast. Why haven’t you talked to me about this?”

“About what?” Fizzlepop asked, a little annoyed to be totally ignored for so long only to have Cadance glancing at her suddenly with an expression Fizzlepop couldn’t place.

Cadance gasped, lifting a wing to her face, her eyes glimmering and a smile growing. “Cadance, I will kill you.” Twilight glared daggers at her old foalsitter, deathly serious.

“Pfft! You will not.”

“You shall be destroyed by feathery pillows; it is a slow and fluffy death.”

“Okay okay, fine.” She relented, dropping and folding her wings to her sides. “I’ll drop it… for now.” Twilight didn’t think that would last long considering she was currently sharing her room with Cadance as well as Moondancer, but it didn’t matter because there was nothing to drop as far as Twilight was concerned. She had thought of and glanced at Fizzlepop because she had just become her Captain a short while ago and not because she was tall and sexy. That rationalization had the unintended side-effect of Twilight admitting to herself that Fizzlepop was tall and sexy. Twilight caught Moondancer staring at her with her ‘intense study’ eyes and a slightly larger frown than usual, which was making Twilight more and more uncomfortable with each passing second. Cadance was looking between the three of them and started frowning herself, Fizzlepop staring back up at the pink Princess as if desperately trying to understand the many subtle social cues flying around. Vampiric jackalopes never frowned vaguely. Fizzlepop wanted the hissing, fluffy death bunnies back.

Twilight glanced at the levitating cider mug Cadance had brought with her and nodded to herself. “Okay, Spike is taking his time so I’ll help him in the kitchen and then be back with our drinks.”

“Princess--” Fizzlepop was going to object to Twilight doing peasant work for her subjects, but Twilight had already teleported across the hall. She had the foresight to realize that the kitchen would be too busy for her to wink right into it, potentially splicing herself with someone, but she didn’t have the patience to not immediately teleport away from everypony. “Why doesn’t she have servants for that sort of thing?”

“We know, right?”

“Hey Auntie Luna, Celly.” In stark contrast to Cadance's casual greeting, Fizzlepop fell into a full bow. “Oh stop it, Fizzy.” Since Cadance was an honorary Equestrian Princess, Fizzlepop took her word as an order and stood back up. “You need to relax, missy. None of us holds a grudge for you whooping our flanks or anything, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I--”

“On the contrary.” Luna interrupted as if Cadance had been talking to her instead. “We find it most pleasant that at least somepony around these days respects Us.”

“Luna, I still respect you.” Celestia was apologetic and sincere, but her statement only frustrated Luna further.

“’We’! ‘Us’ I said! The only ponies who show deference to royalty do so almost sarcastically while tittering to themselves obnoxiously! We are disappointed that you have forgotten what the royal ‘We’ means, Sister.”

Moondancer glared at Luna with barely contained agitation. “You literally misused the royal ‘We’ in that very sentence.”

“You see, Tia? This mortal brazenly seeks to correct Us, not fearing retribution of any sort.”

“Lulu, we don’t punish ponies for being right.” Luna didn’t have anything to say to that so she just chugged her mug of cider indignantly. “So, Fizzlepop, the week is almost up; have you made your decision?”

“Yes, Princess. I have accepted Twilight's offer.”

“Splendid news!” Luna shouted suddenly, pulling Fizzlepop into a side-hug and stage-whispering into her ear. “Soon you and I shall fill these halls with maids, butlers, cooks, and harem ponies so Twilight may focus on what is truly important.”

“Of course.” Fizzlepop managed an actual whisper, trying not to splay her ear back in spite of how much she wished to. “And what is truly important?”

“We don’t know. Taxes or something. Oh! And kicking flank!”

“Lulu, Twilight doesn’t need harem ponies. We don’t even have those anymore.”

“Shush, Sister. You did not hear Us! We were being quiet and sneaky.” Clearly the Princesses were aiming to have a hangover before the party on the following day.

“Spike, save me from those crazy ponies.”

“Got my claws full with a few of my own here, Twilight.” Starlight, Sunburst, Sunset, and Stygian were frantically moving from space to space along the counters of the cavernous castle kitchen, managing to put about 18% of the space to good use with a 2% margin for error by Twilight's swift estimation. The entire rest of the kitchen was occupied by a pink blur of constant motion that paused for only a split second to wave at Twilight as she entered. “Even Pinkie needs help getting everything ready for the party tomorrow, and I have to worry about all those ponies trying to celebrate early, too. Did you know Luna has had a dozen ciders already?”

Twilight quirked a brow at him. “Applejack was the one who looked truly hammered. I guess an ancient alicorn might have higher tolerance than an earth farm-pony by a small margin. How many has AJ had?”

“She’s the one supplying the cider, remember? I’m pretty sure she has her own secret stash somewhere; I can’t keep track of her.”

Twilight nodded, stepping deeper into the kitchen. “I guess that makes sense. How do I get two cups of peppermint tea, four blueberry muffins, and one mug of black coffee?”

“Next batch of muffins is coming out in a few minutes from the East oven.” He pointed her in the right direction and Twilight cantered over to Sunset and Stygian, noting the kettle heating on the stove over the oven.

She also noticed Stygian had a carafe of coffee next to him and a mug in his telekinesis. Moondancer definitely wasn’t the only coffee addict in the castle. “Hey there, Sunset, Stygian.”

“Princess Twilight!” Sunset pulled Twilight into a tight hug, not bothered by the fact that the Princess clearly hadn’t had a chance to shower after her grueling training for the day, but definitely noticing it. “Why do you still smell like mud-basted swan?”

“Those insufferable Wonderbolt trainees finished their exercises first and crowded into the showers when Celestia, Luna, Cadance and I planned to. Apparently they disrupted the water-heating enchantment while giving each other noogies or some such tripe, so I’m waiting for it to finish its automatic re-enchantment cycle. I’d have cast an illusion to cover my sweat-smell, but minor illusions don’t work properly within the PIM in a BoN illusion matrix.”

“Wow, you really don’t like those guys, huh?” Sunset chuckled.

“To be fair I don’t really know them yet, but that’ll change during the party.” Twilight paused, frowning. “I’m sorry I asked you to work on your vacation.”

“Are you kidding? I get to share a room with Celestia and Luna, and I’m cooking with the actual Pony of Shadows right now. This is the best summer break I’ve had in years!”

“Excuse me!?” Stygian slammed his mug onto the counter, glaring Sunset down. “Do not call me that. The Shadow that controlled me has been banished to Limbo and I will not suffer the thought of it at your whim.”

“See!? He’s somehow both a huge dork and a brooding, damaged teenage heart-throb.”

“I am physically thirty-seven years old and hail from a much older era.” Stygian’s anger seemed to dissolve in his confusion, Sunset tittering at him.

“She’s saying you have seemingly contradictory personal characteristics that would result in physically fit teenage stallions harassing you and mentally inept teenage mares pining for your romantic attention.”

“Oh. Why didn’t she just say so? These modern colloquialisms confuse me so.”

Sunset sighed, shaking her head. “Some of us know how to be smart and cool at the same time: that’s why.”

“Oooh.” Spike pointed at Stygian with a grin as he walked by. “You just got burned, dude.”

“Is this lack of pain an unintended side-effect of the illusion matrix?” He asked, checking his coat. “Where’s the damage?” Even Twilight couldn't resist giggling at him for that one. “Ugh. Nevermind. More modern nonsense, no doubt.”

Pinkie suddenly dropped down beside him and pulled him into a tight hug. “It’s okay, Styggie-wiggie! They’re only teasing you like this because they like you! It’s a friendship thing.”

Stygian’s face lit up with a massive blush as Pinkie snuggled her fluffy chest into his shoulder and otherwise enveloped him in silky fur and poofy hair. “As you say, Mistress of Laughter.”

“Heehee! Oh! Those muffins are done now okay-bye-I-gottagetbacktoworknowandfinish…” Pinkie’s jumbled words faded as she bounced away, Sunset pulling out the baker’s dozen of muffins while Twilight set the tea to steeping with the heated water and stole some coffee for Moondancer from Stygian’s carafe.

“What’s the matter, ‘Styggie-wiggie’?” Sunset asked with a playful smirk. “Never been that close to a cute mare before?”

“It’s as new to me as this oven.” He responded sincerely. “One thing that makes me thankful to live in this future: every mare I’ve met since my return has been a true beauty.” His soft smile as he gazed back at them seemed to indicate that Sunset and Twilight were included in his positive assessment.

“I told you he was a heart-throb.” That earned Sunset a slap from Twilight’s wing. “Ow! Take your damn muffins and get outta here!”

Somewhere deep in the castle, unbeknownst to the happy ponies either resting, celebrating, or cooking, a single pony crept through the darkness in search of something important. To find it would leave one devastated and the searcher elated, and it would certainly lead to a fight. No corner nor shadow was safe from the mare’s determined search, her hooves and wings brushing over surfaces in the hopes of hitching against a hidden compartment. She had sneaked into the personal quarters of her primary target to no avail, which was easy because they shared the same room, and had begun to search the surrounding rooms instead. One way or another, come Tartarus or Tarrasque, Rainbow Dash would find Applejack’s hidden stash of extra cider. “Sssstupid Starlight, throwin’ a magic fit like a big magical magic baby. Who’s she think she is? Tellin’ me I had too much? Feh! I’ll show ‘er how much more I can drink.” She wasn’t exactly a paragon of stealth, but nopony else was around so it didn’t really matter. “It’s all Berry Punch’s fault! She done talked shit to Glim-Glam about me, I know she did!”

“Whatcha lookin’ for, Dashie?”

“AJ’s cider stash.” She muttered without thinking. Then her brain caught up to the sudden and inexplicable appearance of another pony beside her. “Gah! Pinkie? Aren’t you supposed to be in the kitchen?”

“Aren’t you drunk enough to hallucinate?” Dash considered that for a minute, but then shook her head.

“Nah, you’re just being in two places at once again.”

“Yep! Heehee!” Rainbow Dash groaned. “So, want some help?” Rainbow Dash perked back up.

The pegasus became serious, lucid, and agreeable right away, speaking calmly and clearly. “Yes, I would greatly appreciate your help, Pinkie.”

“So you’re saying I should forgive him?” Capper was sharing a room with Rockhoof and Flash Magnus, all of the Pillars having taken adjacent guest rooms in the same wing and using the extra space to house guests Twilight trusted already. As such he’d been getting to know the Pillars, as well as Fluttershy and the rest of Rarity's friends who seemed drawn to their ancient counterparts from time to time. “I don’t know if I can. If it weren’t for you ponies my life would still be a mess, and he’s the one who made it that way. All he ever wanted to be was a thief and a cheat.”

“Chummer may have done terrible things, but clinging to spite will only let him hurt you more.” Mistmane spoke with experience and understanding, more than she could convey. One of her friends had become monstrous from jealousy, but Mistmane’s refusal to seek vengeance had redeemed Sable Spirit and created a better future for their people. “External forces cannot break you if you have inner peace. Be kind to yourself and let it go.”

Capper shook his head, sipping his tea. “I don’t even know if he’s alive or dead. I need to see him again, learn if he’s gotten any better or not.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s not about him, Capper. It’s about you. You don’t have to reconnect with him, learn what else he’s done, or even think he’s a good person. You just have to let the anger go so you can have a better life now.”

“I’m a lot better at taking things than letting them go, but for you two I’ll try.”

“Always with the trying and never with the doing. In my day we did what was necessary or died failing.”

“Oh yeah?” Capper finished his tea and placed the cup down on the table, tapping his claws on the crystal and smirking at Mistmane. “Maybe I haven’t finished forgiving terrible people because all of you keep being better than everyone I ever knew and the contrast makes them look even worse.”

“Or…” Fluttershy began diplomatically. “Mistmane’s high standards for your behavior are a case of ‘granny-logic’, because ‘back in her day’ everypony was soooo much better than ‘these kids today’ and they all trudged through heavy snow on their bare hooves for miles to get to school each day.”

“There were entire years like that, actually. Whenever the Windigos would return during a war.” Mistmane narrowed her eyes at Fluttershy, seeming more concerned than affronted. “Did somepony spike your tea, dear? Your manner isn’t usually so acidic.”

Apparently Fluttershy had completely botched her attempt at a joke, so she went along with Mistmane’s incorrect assumption. “What? You really think..?” She slowly glanced down at her cup and scrutinized it, looking buzzed while entirely sober. “I thought it tasted funny.” She lied, barely resisting the guilty urge to glance across the hall at Applejack. She added a little tipsy-sounding laugh to seal the deception, but Capper knew that would be a step too far. Mistmane was obviously on the prowl for something stronger than cider and Fluttershy was faking it too well, so Capper acted quickly to cover for her by snatching the cup before Mistmane could.

“Well somecat would like to know what all the fuss is about.” He chugged the rest of the tea, his face scrunching up as he faked it having a strong, alcoholic sting. While Mistmane tried to pretend she wasn’t disappointed to lose the chance at liquor, Capper gave Fluttershy a swift wink.

He hadn’t expected her to pull him into a nuzzle with her wing while looking ashamed of herself, but he’d been around her long enough to not have unfamiliarity as an excuse; it just hadn’t really occurred to him. “Ah, to be young and hoard the good drinks all to yourself like selfish children.” Capper and Fluttershy flinched at that, but Mistmane was just smiling distantly. “Yes, I miss those days so.” Granny logic.

“Aren’t you only this old physically because of a demanding spell?” Fluttershy asked, slightly tilting her head. “Nopony would blame you for being young and selfish with your drinks, would they? Is sharing a cup of liquor with somepony else even an age thing?”

“With inner peace, none of that matters.” Mistmane was definitely enjoying confusing the two of them. It was a much more fun linguistic exercise than the bleak conversation they’d had prior.

Little did she know that Capper was confused by a few words in particular rather than the meaning of all of them together in sequence. He’d poked fun at it earlier, but the ponies hadn’t seemed to notice. “Okay, seriously, what’s with this ‘somepony’, ‘nopony’, ‘anypony’ stuff? Y’all know I’ve never met a species or culture that replaces words like that with versions specific to themselves.”

Before Fluttershy could answer with a mild shrug she was surprised to hear Mistmane speaking seriously about the subject. “It started as the reverse of what it seems like from the outside. ‘anyone’ would be a person, and there was a time when the disparate pony tribes despised one another, and some even treated those of another race as less than people. Slaves working unicorn fields under duress were still ponies, but they weren’t ‘anyone’. They didn’t matter, until the world began to change. Some nobles began to seek portions of ownership over the field slaves of their cities, and though they could not free them without suffering the wrath of their Queen, they did spend their own coin to build the largest mansions in the city with many rooms. There the slaves would stay, and when questioned as to why these unicorns would sleep under the same roof as these earth ponies by their peers, they would say that anypony was good enough for a warm bed. When the Queen of the Middle World unicorns was finally assassinated one night and succeeded by Princess Platinum, she gave a speech after accepting her new crown, and she promised that from that day forward everypony would be free.”

“Oh my.” Fluttershy had been captivated by the story, trembling slightly at the thoughts it brought. “That’s so sad. I never knew any of that. There aren’t many details in the version of the story I was told on Hearth’s Warming Eve as a filly.”

“The story of ponykind has long been one of wretched rulers, shadowy monsters, internal strife, slavery, and bloodshed. It is good to see you and your friends standing as a bulwark against such things these days, even if old animosities linger.”

“Well, I always knew Ponyville’s policies against magical construction and season management were because it had earth pony founders, but I never really thought too much about why it would matter so much to them.”

“It is a point of pride for them. Any community of earth ponies that involved itself with unicorns of the purest breeding,” She spat those words with contempt, “would find servitude and then slavery in its future, and after enough historical precedent for this many of them broke away from unicorns entirely. They still had to buy help from pegasi to combat the Windigos’ storms, but they had no need for spells.”

“And when you say ‘purest breeding’…” Capper made air-quotes with his claws and Mistmane nodded at him.

“Unicorns were notoriously obsessed with the ideals of nobility, and this included obsessing over their physique and lineage. In the Middle World they favored white coats and long, straight horns. In the East where I was born curved horns such as mine were favored. In truth these attitudes were already on the decline when the Pillars were formed by Stygian. Starswirl is much older, and he lived through and spoke to me of many events such as Queen Platinum’s crowning that occurred before I was born.”

“My people have a similar way of thinking even now. If a kitten is born into the royal family without pure black fur then they’re discarded to an orphanage.” Fluttershy gasped at that, covering her face with a wing. “Used to be a pretty great country anyway, what with our inventions and high standard of living. There was always extra food to steal for us street trash.” Capper leaned back into his chair with a sigh, staring up into the ceiling. “Then the Storm King blew it to Tartarus.” After a moment of silence he glanced at Fluttershy, smirking after he caught her expression. “I know that look. You’re wondering if I was one of those discarded kittens, aren’t ya?” She just nodded meekly in response. “Nah, those cats don’t have last names, and I’ve got me one of those. It’s Dapperpaws, by the way.”

“Oh, good.” She sighed in relief.

“Yeah, my parents just died instead.”

“I-I mean bad! Very very bad!” Capper and Mistmane failed to suppress their laughter.

Across the hall the double doors connecting to the entrance hall parted to permit a winded pegasus passage. She cantered in with a confident stride and matching smile in spite of her disheveled state, her pith helmet shielding her eyes from the magical light of the crystal ceiling. Her appearance was distinct and unmistakable, the outfit seen on the covers of many adventure books, and soon every pony in the room was looking right at her. “Sorry I’m late, everypony. Took me a little longer than I planned to wrap up my business with Ahuizotl.”

Applejack stumbled away from Rockhoof to throw her arm over the newcomer’s back instead. “Darin’ Damn Do! It’s good tah see ya, girl! The things this mare kin do with a rope, Ah tell you what.” Applejack’s accent certainly became thicker when she was buzzed, but she’s wasn’t so sloshed as to be indecipherable: the serious drinking could wait for tomorrow. “She’s almost as good with them thangs as Ah am! Hehe.”

“Well I don’t see why magical alicorn Princesses would ever need to tie somepony up without magic, but if they want me to teach them then I’m more than willing to. Now, where’s the cider?”

Applejack shoved her current mug into Daring’s chest, suppressing giggles. “Ah’m savin’ the rest of my supply fer the party tomorrow, but yeh kin ‘ave muh last mug, sugarcube.” Daring tried to write off how intimate the encounter was while taking the cider with her wing, ready to support Applejack’s weight with her hoofed limbs if she turned out to be more drunk than she appeared and passed out. “Anypony ever tell you ya got pretty eyes?”

“Occasionally at conventions when I’m ‘cosplaying’ as myself.” Daring awkwardly sipped at her cider, hyper-aware of the sliver of Applejack’s spit on the rim.

“No bucking way!” Several of the Wonderbolt trainees had walked right up to them, staring at Daring with some expressions of joyful surprise and others of disbelief and confusion. “Daring Do is a real pony!?”

“Oh yes.” Celestia, Luna, and Cadance weren’t far behind the stallions, the solar Princess speaking with her usual patience and calming tones. “She kept that secret from even Us for a long time, and We’ve helped her keep it from the masses as a personal favor to Twilight for over a year now.”

“Which of course means that if any of you speak of it to anypony outside the illusion matrix you shall be banished from Equestria for a decade with your ability to speak undone.” Luna’s words made Cadance laugh, but she and her sister just continued smiling down at the other ponies stoically. “Dost We make Ourselves clear!?” All the stallions nodded emphatically, hoping to be rid of Luna’s piercing gaze as soon as possible. “Good.” The lot of them had all left to grab dinner after their earlier showers, so the only reason they’d had to stand around in the great hall at the end of the day had been to work up the courage to approach the Princesses and strike up casual conversations with them. Their latest encounter had put those hopes to bed so they all finally shuffled off toward their rooms for a good night’s rest. Cadance shuffled off after a pair of them and struck up the sort of casual conversation they’d been hoping for, and they did their best to quell their newfound nervousness for the Empress’ sake.

Applejack watched them go, noting that only the married Princess was giving them any softness or affection, which was weird by virtue of the fact that only Cadance and Spitfire had been roughed up by them in an earlier training exercise. “Them colts ‘ave bin gittin’ real mixed signals here. They must be as confused as a plum in a peach basket.”

“That’s… I…” Daring glared down into her cider, looked over at Applejack, glanced up at the Princesses' guarded expressions as if seeking help, and finally settled her gaze on nothing in particular, staring into the distance. “What?”

“Farm ponies have their own dialect.” Celestia explained with a mischievous smirk. “Perhaps you will have learned it by the time these six months are up.”

“Well I suppose we will be spending a lot of time together.” Daring replied tentatively.

“Darn tootin’! Yer sharin’ a room with Dash ‘n’ me! Now come on, we got some snoozin’ tah do.”

Moondancer watched Daring Do closely while she and Applejack walked past, Rockhoof, Flash Magnus, and Grubber chattering away behind them on their way to their own rooms. She hadn’t wanted to just stand around in silence, but she wasn’t confident enough to approach the table nearby and insert herself into the conversation there, and Fizzlepop seemed perfectly content to stand and watch the other ponies without a word the moment the Princesses had left her side. As such, Moondancer sighed in relief when Twilight returned with the drinks and snacks for them, as well as the lion’s share of the trio’s social skills. “So, Daring Do is real.”

“Yes, Moondancer, she is.”

“As are the Pillars. Should I just mark every book here as non-fiction in advance?”

Twilight rolled her eyes, not dignifying that joke with so much as a chuckle. “Let’s just sit down and eat these muffins already. Grabbing this snack on our way to bed has taken a lot longer than I planned for.” Even though Twilight had gotten a muffin for Cadance as well she was actually glad that her sister-in-law had already moved on, because she was far too tired for more teasing that evening. As they took seats at the table, Twilight greeted the others seated there amicably and then asked, “What have you been talking about?”

“Ancient and recent atrocities like slavery and hostile takeovers.” Capper answered casually. “Which reminds me, is there any way for y’all to stop the slave trade in Klugetown?”

“Only if we want to go to war with the Coalition of the Wastes.” After they’d passed through the town and subsequently completed their quest, Twilight had done some investigating into the nature of Klugetown and its political relationship with Equestria. “They enslave, butcher, and dismember magical beings whether they be person or animal to use for specialized tasks or sell the collected body parts to dark alchemists, but direct attacks from other sources on Our entire nation or allies have kept Us from pursuing military action. For the sake of Equestria, Celestia signed a peace treaty with the Council of the Coalition some three hundred years ago, but she also instated a full trade embargo and implored them to reconsider their barbaric practices. You’ve seen how much better Our economy is and a trade agreement would do them a lot of good, so We’ve been waiting for them to reconsider Our terms.” Her expression grew sympathetic as she continued. “I’m sorry you had to live in that place for so long.”

“Now now, don’t be too sorry, Princess.” His voice shook and his claws dug into the edge of the table. “I almost sold you myself, afterall.”

Fluttershy extended a wing toward him protectively. “Oh Capper, we already forgave you for--”

“I’m sorry I…” He stumbled out of his chair, stepping back until Fluttershy couldn’t reach him. “I should head to bed. There’s a big party tomorrow, afterall.” He couldn’t endure their kindness any longer, for it twisted into shame when filtered through the memory of his past intentions.

Fizzlepop tilted her head as she watched him hastily abscond, replaying his reaction in her mind a few times. “Huh. He seems pretty emotional for someone with a body count.” She said, thinking back to burned yeti corpses after the retaking of Canterlot. “Although I guess Spike could claim half the credit for those casualties.”

“That was killing to save others; an entire nation, in fact. I know it stings a lot less than the guilt of killing for selfish reasons, even if one doesn’t go through with the latter.”

Fluttershy sighed, shaking her head sadly. “He was practically a slave himself for so long. He was just desperate to escape that. I hope he can forgive himself eventually.”

“He couldn’t forgive Chummer either. He has a righteous attitude.” Mistmane decided with a smile. “It will bring him much personal strife and it makes him dangerous, but such attitudes also lead to great heroism.”

“Ugh.” Moondancer slammed her then empty cup down on the table, clearly unhindered by how hot the coffee had been. “I’m too tired for this garbage.” She cut her muffin into bite-sized pieces with a swift spell and them stuffed each one into her maw in rapid succession, mumbling something that vaguely sounded like “Goodnight” through her mouthful while cantering toward her bed in the castle. Since she was sharing Twilight’s room, the alicorn felt compelled to follow her, carrying her own muffin along as she went.

“I suppose Rarity has been sleeping for awhile already?” Fizzlepop asked of Fluttershy, as they and Rarity were sharing a room.

“She does love her beauty sleep. We’ll just have to be quiet when we sneak in.”

“I suppose I should retire as well. I doubt the Mistress of Laughter would appreciate anypony being late to the party.”

“Hey RD! Check out who done finally showed up!” Rainbow seemed to be shuffling her hooves around under her bed before Applejack and Daring showed up, but neither of them thought much of it, Rainbow's pilfered prize remaining safe.

“Oh hey Daring, nice to see you! Yaaaaaawn! So tired I am. Mean I’m, tired is… uh… goodnight!” Yep, she was totally wasted. She threw herself down onto her bed and immediately started to fake snores, but her unsuspecting friends just shook their heads at her antics and quickly passed into the Dream Realm themselves. It was a wild and unpredictable place without Luna’s guidance, but also more private, and for the fifth night of many to come the great gathering descended into serene oblivion together.

Fighting is Magic

Sweetiedrops was beginning to worry that she was in over her head. Simply investigating the Everfree Forest without seeking help from the Thicket tribe of deer was dangerous enough on most days, but lately the wildlife was much more aggressive than usual. If secrecy wasn’t of paramount concern she would have requisitioned a guard escort, but it was not to be.

She slid under the sweeping claws of a timberwolf and bucked up into its center, snapping the magical golem in half. It would have itself reassembled in seconds if she couldn’t get its pieces further apart, unless she resorted to deadlier methods, and with the rest of the pack circling them she was inclined to do just that. She reached into her left saddlebag and threw an Arrentok’s necrosis bomb against the wood as the green essence of the beast revealed itself. Infectious black tendrils spread through the ethereal soul of the timberwolf, its assemblage of plundered plants falling still as a piercing wail filled the forest, the beast’s soul gradually flaking away into shadow and settling over the ground. It died, and at the place of its death the ground was uniformly and nearly imperceptibly darker.

Those bombs were expensive, the secrets of their creation closely guarded by the nobles of Zebrica, and Sweetiedrops had only three left to the pack’s five remaining wolves. On any other day the death of one would have scared off the others, since timberwolves were unaccustomed to death, but whatever was riling up the rest of the forest had them crazy enough to keep fighting her. Two of them growled and charged from opposite sides, Sweetiedrops balancing on her forehooves and performing a split-kick, both of them falling into crumpled heaps on the ground. Before she could fully reorient herself she felt a third timberwolf sink its wooden jaws into her right haunch, briers and thorns on its lips catching on her fur or stabbing into her flesh with its teeth. She yelped and grit her teeth, but she’d felt worse pain and felled stronger monsters.

Sweetiedrops trapped the lower jaw of the timberwolf between her thighs and then twisted her entire body until she was on her back, its neck snapping and splintering until it was fully severed. The physical damage was enough to expose its vulnerable soul, but the two others beside them were recovering. Sweetiedrops smashed her forehooves into their heads with the strength of an earth pony, breaking them as much as she had their pack-mate. Moving as swiftly as she ever had, she dug into her saddlebag with her muzzle and gripped the three other necrosis bombs in her teeth. She could vaguely feel the power of the alchemical mixtures through the glass globes, the black mists threatening to dig into her soul and suppress her magic as only Umbral forces could, but it would have different victims soon. With a practiced flick of her neck the anti-monster agent killed three timberwolves at once.

To her infinite dismay the final two timberwolves didn’t seem dissuaded from attacking in the least. They flung themselves at her as if all notions of self-preservation had left their simple minds, and the mare resolved to at least make them pay for that foolishness. The first to reach her missed her shoulder when she ducked below its jaws, and then she slammed her head up into the neck of the next timberwolf to disorient it. The first readjusted and bit down into her left shoulder, drawing a scream as well as blood from the mare. She dragged it to the ground with her by the grip it maintained with its teeth, smashing her right hoof into its wooden face desperately, forced to stop for seconds at a time to ward off the other timberwolf again and again. For her entire life she’d fought and bested monsters and demons in Celestia’s name, but it seemed she would die in a particularly aggressive timberwolf attack in the Everfree Forest like so many ponies before her. ‘Here lies Bon Bon,’ her headstone might say. ‘She was nopony special.’ As unknown as the agency that had dissolved in secret. Complete deniability. “I hope you’re happy, Celestia.”

“By Celestia’s tits!” Sweetiedrops felt her blood run cold when she heard that voice. Had she really followed her all the way out here without Sweetiedrops noticing? “Get off her you worthless piles of twigs!” Lyra’s golden magic flung the few rocks she could find into the nearest timberwolf’s back along with a shakily cast blast of pure magical energy, which barely left a dent in its branch for a spine. She did manage to get its attention, though, and it ripped its teeth out of Sweetiedrops with a meaty squelch to face its new prey.

“Lyra!” She couldn't lose her. Sweetiedrops reached out with the arm that wasn’t attached to a bloody mess of a shoulder, pushing most of her magic into her hoof and digging that energy into the timberwolf’s very soul to secure a firm grip on its thigh. The rest of her magic rooted her rear hooves into the mana of the earth, and with a mighty heave she lifted the timberwolf and smashed its head into a nearby tree, shattering it into splinters. She took a step forward and pulled it back into the tree again, breaking apart its shoulder, then the other, then its chest. On she went until the soul of the beast abandoned the ruined wood. It would take days for it to reassemble its physical form.

She collapsed when the last wolf tackled her to the ground and bit her neck, her energy spent. At least she had bought Lyra the time she would need to escape. She felt the piercing pressure leave her neck and heard a pounding noise above her head, looking up to see the timberwolf being slammed into the tree repeatedly by golden magic. Lyra’s eyes were glowing with mana burn, her body trembling as she pushed herself and her magic beyond anything she’d ever needed it to do before, and with one final push she sent the timberwolf flying in the opposite direction. It built up speed before smashing to pieces against another tree further away, Lyra panting with exertion as she checked her marefriend’s injuries. “Oh Bon Bon, what are you even doing out here?”

“Oh, you know, just monster hunting. Standard stuff.” She grunted as she forced herself to her hooves, but before she could collapse back down in an exhausted heap she found that she could lean on Lyra for support. If Lyra was bothered by the blood soaking into her fur then she didn’t show it, helping her marefriend to stumble away from the slowly reassembling timberwolves and toward Ponyville. “How did you,” she had to pause to take a breath, “find me?”

“You’re a lot easier to follow when I know you’re trying to sneak around.” Sweetiedrops laid her ears back over her head in shame. She had justified telling Lyra all about her past and present responsibilities to fight monsters with the notion that keeping that from her marefriend forever would slow down her work too much to be acceptable. It was a breach of protocol after the structure for it had already broken down for the sake of efficiency, but that wasn’t true in the least. She had really told Lyra about her secret job because keeping it to herself and having no contact with her old squad was driving her mad and she needed somepony to talk to.

“I never wanted to put you in danger.”

“Putting yourself in danger is just as much of a problem to me!” Lyra huffed, trying to stay focused on the task at hoof. She would get Bon Bon back to Ponyville and give her a stern talking-to later. Still, she couldn't shake her curiosity. “Why were you out here, anyway?”

“Celestia said that if the Umbral Plane returned that there would be traces of it’s materialization months or even years in advance.”

“Umbral Plane?”

“Tambelon.” Lyra gasped when she heard that name, but Sweetiedrops caught another noise in the brush. “Be quiet and close your eyes.” Lyra trusted Sweetiedrops completely and did as asked, both mares keeping their eyes shut tight. Their ears flicked to follow the sound as it drew closer, until Sweetiedrops felt sharp teeth sink into her shoulder wound. With a swift motion of her hoof she buried the creature’s head into the ground, holding it there as it struggled. Lyra heard muffled screeching noises that grew weaker with time, and soon there was quiet once more. “Okay, you can open your eyes again.” The corpse was recognizable as a cockatrice right away, but Sweetiedrops hadn’t gotten a look at it before it showed up.

“How did you know?”

“They have a very distinct set of sounds, with their claws and long tails. Anypony who doesn’t learn to hear them coming ends up petrified.”

Lyra stared hard at her marefriend and the blood coating her fur, and made up her mind. “I’m not letting you come out here alone again.”

“Lyra--”

“I don’t want to hear it! I’m either stopping you or I’m coming with you. Those are your only options so take your pick.” Sweetiedrops sighed, but after a few seconds she was smiling.

“Thank you.”

Twilight could not be lost in her own castle. It was simply impossible. She had memorized the layout long ago, her keen mind aware of the precise placement of every book, every piece of furniture, and the locations of every window, door, or mirror. Yet she found herself trotting down ever more unfamiliar halls, shimmering crystals gradually giving way to dark stones. Oddly enough she found her thoughts turning to her sister and the Crystal Empire as she walked further into the unknown, something familiar in the new environment. She felt her stomach churning uncomfortably and a sudden sense of vertigo overtook her for a solid minute as the entire hall before her seemed to twist obscenely. Twilight turned back, but the crystal halls she’d come from were gone. Her gaze turned skyward, the roof having disappeared, and suddenly the hall was a street, and the sky was black. She remembered Hope, Sombra, and the great prison beneath the Empire. Shadow beings contained in a magical field, and nearly destroying the nation when they were set free. But this sky wasn’t just black: it was moving. Those same moving shadows with eyes, minds, and dark magic were the sky. Hundreds of them. Perhaps thousands.

She glimpsed beyond them, and what she saw made her flinch back and hide behind her wings. “Not yet.” The voice was soft and understanding, somewhere behind her. “You still have time. Wake up.”

Twilight bolted upright in her bed, her sheets wrapped tightly around her from the tossing and turning she’d been doing in her sleep. She heard Cadance snore and Moondancer groan as the light of the Sun began to shine through thin, decorative curtains. “No.” Twilight’s horn sparked and thicker curtains fell into place over the pretty but useless ones, bathing them all in darkness again before she let her head slam back down into her pillows. If this keeps happening between training exercises then the strain is going to kill me, she thought bitterly, the exact events of her dream already fading into obscurity. I’ll ask Zecora if she can make something to help me sleep today, she resolved, staring at the ceiling.

She had a slim chance of getting back to sleep by then, and Pinkie would be pouting all day if she was late to the party. With a mischievous smile Twilight formed reflective planes with her magic throughout the room with strategic placements and then threw open all the curtains. By the time Cadance and Moondancer had finished flailing their limbs and squealing in discomfort the magic had been dispelled and they had no idea that Twilight was the cause of their rude awakening. That remained true until Twilight’s fake yawn and chipper grin gave her away. “Come on, girls! We’ve got a party to get ready for!”

As Twilight left the room the remaining two mares gave each other a meaningful look. “We’re getting her back for this, right?” Cadance asked.

Moondancer nodded grimly, trotting out after Twilight with the Princess of Love. “I hate big parties. I get the feeling this is going to be a long day.”

“Oh come on. This’ll be fun!” Cadance replied, her mood already rapidly improving. “Pinkie knows what she’s doing.”

“With this many headstrong ponies in one place I predict there’s a 70% chance that at least one fight will break out in the first three hours, with a 15% chance that such a fight will devolve into a full-on brawl.” Cadance just rolled her eyes at the dry analysis of the studious unicorn, certain she’d be less cranky after a cup of coffee.

“Rainbow Dash!” Applejack’s irate and very sober voice carried across the entire field in which the party had been set up. Pinkie had very conspicuously left a rather large, circular area devoid of tables or chairs, calling it ‘The Pit’ and remaining tight-lipped about its purpose. It wasn’t a mosh pit, because the designated dancing area was its own circular area further from the castle, and Rainbow Dash had been pondering its purpose while standing in the center when Applejack made her approach. “Ya sneaky varmint! Ya took mah moonshine!”

The pegasus swayed on her hooves as she turned around, holding a rather large bottle of the strong alcohol in her right wing. It looked as though she might trip and spill it upon the ground at any moment and her voice carried a drunken giggle through every word. “Hey hey, AJ. Sorry about the snatching. Hehe… Couldn’t let you hoard all the best booze for yourself, now could I?” Daring Do had followed Applejack to The Pit and stood just outside of it with a thoughtful expression while the farmpony continued her advance, drawing the attention of dozens of ponies, each one still shaking off the effects of recent sleep.

Applejack lunged for the bottle, Rainbow deftly sidestepping the effort in spite of her drunkenness, making Applejack growl angrily. “Ya could let me hoard it because it’s buckin’ mine! Now give it here!” When Applejack went for the bottle again, Rainbow dropped it from her wing to her hooves and leaped into the air, flapping lazily above the earth pony with a cocky grin on her face.

“Sorry, AJ, but finders keep stuff or whatever.” Rainbow started to gulp the drink down again, her eyes shut in blissful indulgence, and then Applejack jumped up and bit her tail, dragging her back down to the ground and trying to kick the moonshine out of Rainbow's hooves as soon as they landed. Rainbow's grip held firm, and Applejack shattered the bottle instead. “Hey!”

Applejack gripped Rainbow's neck with her hooves, shaking the pegasus violently. “Damn it, RD! If’n Ah didn’t love ya so much then Ah’d beat ya intah next week fer this!”

“I’d love to see you try, Applebottom.”

“Actually,” Moondancer cut in from the sidelines, a steaming mug of coffee held in one hoof. “The presence of the illusion matrix means that you could, in fact, try to ‘beat her into next week’ with no negative consequences. The pain from the fight will be very real, but you can’t seriously injure each other.” Rainbow Dash and Applejack stared at Moondancer, then at each other for over a minute. Suddenly Applejack dropped her hooves from Rainbow's neck, gripping her belly with a grunt. Rainbow had kicked her.

“Haha! The first hit is mine!”

“Rainbow!” Twilight yelled, stomping a hoof. “Just because you have a black-belt in Karate doesn’t mean you can spar safely while inebriated!”

“Well yeah, but Moondancer is right, isn’t she!? We don’t have to spar safely! We can just wail on each other and we’ll be totally fine after.” As if to punctuate Rainbow's statement, Applejack bucked her as hard as she could. The illusion matrix interpreted what would have happened whilst restraining Applejack’s real strike beneath it, and retranslated those effects into Rainbow’s body, automatically readjusting the force down to something non-fatal and slotting the appropriate amount of pain into Rainbow's brain. In short, she felt as if her chest had exploded into pieces, but instead she was simply flung across the entire Pit, tumbling into a mess of limbs and feathers at Daring Do’s hooves. She made a disoriented choking noise, every on-looker covering their mouths in shock, save for one pink pony with a very different reaction.

“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”

“You planned this!” Rainbow croaked out at Pinkie as she struggled to stand, swaying from the alcohol surging through her blood. “That’s the only reason you helped me last night!”

Pinkie rolled her eyes, giggling. “Oh Dashie, I didn’t help you so you could get thrashed. I wanted to see a FIGHT! Afterall, you did say we could start placing bets on fights after the training had been going on for awhile, and why should the Princesses have all the fun, huh?”

“I… Uh…” Rainbow couldn't form a retort to that, turning around to see Applejack quietly raging, waiting for the pegasus to gather herself. “Okay then. Place your bets, A-holes! We’re about to christen this Fight Pit!” Rainbow marched back to the center with a confident smirk, hiding her pain admirably and stretching a hoof out for the earth pony to shake, which she did with an agitated huff.

Twilight shook her head, but stepped forward to help anyway. “I appoint Moondancer as our permanent referee. If you are off your hooves and are either restrained or stunned in such a state for ten consecutive seconds then you lose. I will create a magical matrix to detect such things in the ground of the Fight Pit, so Moondancer will only have to step in for serious infringements. The rules will depend on the fight and its participants. Are there any rules either of you would like to impose?”

“Nope!” Rainbow shouted confidently, staring down her opponent.

“Ah don’t want this varmint flyin’ away.”

“Aaww~ Want me to tie up my wings for ya, AJ?” Rainbow mocked, but Applejack just narrowed her eyes.

“Nah, y’all can use ‘em to fight. Twilight? Give us a height limit, darlin’.”

“Uh, sure. How does ten meters from the ground sound?”

“That’d be fine.” A shimmering cylinder of translucent lavender magic surrounded the two ponies, and the onlookers finally started to place bets, mostly the many stallion Wonderbolt trainees. They all seemed rather excited to watch two Elements fight.

“Too bad auntie Celly and Lulu can’t be here for this.” Twilight rolled her eyes at Cadance's comment, not bothering to look in her direction.

“If they don’t check on Blueblood every weekend then the good Prince is liable to burn down Canterlot.”

“That would be the Best Night Ever, though, wouldn’t it?” Twilight looked at Cadance incredulously, Pinkie mumbling about ‘Cadance encroaching on her territory’ or something like it. Before Twilight could ask what Cadance must have been smoking, Moondancer signaled the beginning of the bout.

Rainbow took up a fighting stance on her rear hooves and started striking with the other two, flapping her wings in time with her steps to exert a brutally quick advance, but Applejack defended herself admirably. The farmpony wasn’t quite fast enough to block every strike, but she was a tremendously tough pony and took each successful blow without flinching. Applejack was biding her time, looking for momentary weaknesses, relying on the moonshine in Rainbow's bloodstream. Soon enough, Rainbow’s flow of strikes became a bit sloppy, the openings between hits gradually getting larger until Applejack saw an opportunity worth taking.

The crowd of stallions ‘ooo’d when Applejack made her move, ducking under another punch and slamming her chest into Rainbow's withers, rushing forward on just her legs and gripping an ankle and shoulder on her opponent, forcing the pegasus to the ground and pressing all of her weight over her. “Hehe~ Easy as p-AAAAH!!” Rainbow bucked straight up with her free rear hoof, connecting with a very sensitive place, the farm mare’s butt rising and the skirt of her tail lowering protectively. “Ya sucker kickin’ lil --” She was cut off by a punch to the face, backing up a few steps and letting Rainbow get back on her hooves.

“Now who’s easy!? Rraaagh!!” Rainbow charged again, but this time from the air, striking with all four hooves in a vicious pattern, focused on beating Applejack into submission. This time Applejack was less patient with her defense, roughly batting aside Rainbow's limbs to make her own openings and swinging back frequently, forcing Rainbow to flitter back constantly to avoid being hit. Neither of them managed to coral the other away from the center of the Fight Pit, and so their struggle continued in the tiring deadlock for several minutes, until Applejack lost all patience and restraint, going on the offensive. Rainbow simply flew a meter higher, out of Applejack’s reach, and started to snicker and cackle like a drunken school filly. “Can’t touch me up here! Nah nah nah! Hahaha!” During a laugh the pegasus threw her head back in mirth, shutting her eyes for just a short moment, and it was all the time Applejack needed. Showing tremendous strength, the earth pony jumped straight into the air with her powerful muscles, gaining just enough height over Rainbow to buck down into her chest, sending her crashing into the ground and tumbling toward the edge of the Fight Pit again. “Ooo… Ponyfeathers.”

“Earth ponies are excellent jumpers,” Twilight commented, paying very close attention to the fight.

“Your friends are kicking the snot out of each other and that’s all you have to say?” Cadance replied.

“It’s fascinating, isn’t it? My friends either hugely outclass any creature we face, or they rely on my sorcery to overcome a particularly magical foe. I haven’t seen them fight like this since your wedding.” Cadance jumped in surprise when she heard Fizzlepop burst into laughter on her other side, not having noticed her approach. Still, she was too captivated by the scene before her to complain, turning her attention back to the fight.

Rainbow came shakily to her hooves and she saw Applejack barreling toward her, sweat matting down her fur from the exertion of their dual and anger burning in her eyes. There was something else, too. She could detect the excitement in Applejack’s eyes, mirroring her own feelings. They were having an unreasonable amount of fun. Rainbow focused on her years of martial arts training and competition, waiting until the last possible moment to make the perfect move. She sprung up on one hoof and kicked the left side of Applejack’s head with lightning speed and precision, sending her opponent tumbling to the ground. Applejack’s weight crashed into Rainbow’s leg in the next instant, sending the pegasus face-first into the dirt, but the ploy paid off when Applejack’s mane inched past the magical perimeter of the Pit. It flashed red three times, accompanied by a sound of finality, and Moondancer nodded when she saw it.

“Rainbow Dash is the winner.”

“Aw yeah!”

“...Of the first round.”

“What!?”

“Three rounds is the standard, so there aren’t any flukes.” Everypony else nodded along with Moondancer’s reasoning while Rainbow's feathers ruffled in agitation. “Of course, we didn’t agree to that before you started fighting, so if you don’t think you can beat Applejack again then feel free to walk away the victor.” Rainbow's feathers ruffled a tad more.

“Fine! We’ll do best of three, but no more surprise rules!”

“Okay.” Moondancer replied, not bothered in the least. “Return to the center and I’ll count you in. From three down and begin when I say ‘go.’”

“For what it’s worth, Dash, I forgive ya fer takin’ mah moonshine. We’re just havin’ too much fun tah stop right now, ain’t we?” The two smirked at each other, the surrounding ponies stamping their hooves in excitement as Moondancer counted them down to the next round. The party was just getting started.

“Don’t wander too far, Little Sunshine.” Her mother had said. “Beneath us is the border of the Dragon Lands and Dream Valley, where the mortal ponies live. Ponies aren’t always friendly, and dragons don’t like having their sleep interrupted. Stay at the border, where it’s safe.”Not all alicorns were content to stay in the clouds for all their lives, some feeling a stronger pull to the Earth and visiting it often. Celestia didn’t feel that way, but she did love the sky and the Earth equally, so she still visited often. One day, before her sister was born, the little filly was prancing happily through a calm forest, following butterflies, until she heard sobbing.

Celestia followed the voice, finding a small creature that could bend and twist like a snake, barely as long as she was tall, a mismatched set of limbs sprouting from its serpentine body, and then ‘it’ was ‘he’ because he looked at her. He was the one sobbing, and there were lash-marks all over his body. He shrunk back. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.” He gradually inched closer again, and she smiled. “What’s your name? Mine’s ‘Celestia.’”

“I’m ‘Discord.’” He said, shivering as he did. It was as if he’d been named something bad, because of what he was or where he came from.

“If you’re hurt I could get Mommy to--”

“No!” His eyes flashed bright yellow, and Celestia suddenly had a headache, leaning against a tree nearby. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m fine.” Celestia fibbed, waving a hoof while she was sliding toward the ground. Discord held that hoof, and helped her stand properly again. He’d stopped crying, even though his lash-marks didn’t look any better. A few of them were fresh enough to be bleeding. “Well, how about I just take care of you myself instead? Would that be alright?” He rushed forward and hugged her, and she felt tears at the edges of her own eyes.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Daydreaming again?”

Celestia was jarred from her memory mid-flight by the sound of Discord’s voice, the draconequus leisurely flapping backwards and upside down beside her as she and Luna approached Canterlot. “Come to check on your little stand-in?” He asked, smirking.

“You’d best not be making too much trouble for Our nephew.” Luna said curtly. “He’s not had much experience with this level of responsibility.”

“Exactly what I was thinking, Lulu!” He called back excitedly, twisting into a proper flight position in his excitement. “Why not let me take over for awhile? I do have prior experience ruling Equestria, afterall.”

“Aye, and torturing the ponies under your rule for your petty amusement when you did.” Celestia cleared her throat just loud enough to preempt further bickering and spoke.

“Luna, we are putting that behind us. He served his sentence for that crime.” Luna grumbled, but didn’t argue, turning away from them in annoyance. She was glad that Celestia didn’t mention that she’d served a similar sentence for just as terrible a crime, blushing at the unwelcome thought. “Discord, I understand that you’re excited by all this, and I do trust you, but you’re no good at paperwork. Keep a protective eye on Blueblood for Us, would you? We have political rivals who might see him as an easy target for manipulation.”

“Aha! Spy stuff! Now that sounds like fun. I’ll get started right away, Celestia! So many cameras and microphones to plant.” As Discord disappeared and Luna gaped, Celestia merely smiled.

“You know, Sister, you handle him so easily that it’s a little scary.”

“I know him well enough to.” Celestia spoke with a distant sadness, one that had plagued her for enough centuries that she’d learned to hide it almost entirely. She could tell that Luna noticed, but thankfully she didn’t press the issue.

Being knocked from the center to the exterior of the Fight Pit at the very start of the second round had ruffled Rainbow's feathers quite a bit, but she wouldn’t make the same mistake twice, wisely avoiding a direct charge in the third round. Their third round took much longer, shifting from exchanges of hoof-strikes to grappling and wrestling and back several times, until Rainbow finally managed to pin Applejack down for just long enough to win, the two of them panting from the effort in the dirt. In spite of the fact that they were supposed to be taking a break from the training, Rainbow explained the hold she’d used, Applejack nodding along and pointing out the mistakes she’d made to give Rainbow the necessary openings. The comment that Rainbow had done it while heavily buzzed encouraged the other ponies to drink more aggressively, and loudly thumping dance music filled the area in the next instant, several ponies exchanging bits after seeing the result they’d been betting on.

“No no, hold on a minute!” Rainbow called out. “Stop the music, pinks! I need to challenge somepony!” Pinkie cut the music with a record-scratch sound effect from her control-board, tilting her head at the pegasus.

“Who’s that, Dashie?”

“You, for getting me into that mess in the first place!” Pinkie was as surprised as anyone else to hear that, stumbling out from behind her console and looking around as if there was a prank afoot that she hadn’t figured out yet. It was a usually unspoken rule that Pinkie shouldn’t get involved in physical contests, leaving that mostly to Rainbow, Applejack, and sometimes Rarity. When it was spoken, they’d say that Pinkie just didn’t make sense and it wouldn’t be fair, but Rainbow was smiling at her as she approached. “You heard what Moondancer said. You don’t have to hold yourself back anymore.”

“I...” Pinkie didn’t know what to say.

“I saw your time on that obstacle course. Applejack said you didn’t even look like you were trying too hard, like the whole thing was just a game to you.” Pinkie Pie gulped, looking mildly uncomfortable as everypony looked her way, Rainbow flying over to her side. The pegasus placed a hoof on her shoulder, smiling with understanding. “I get it, Pinkie. When Gilda was in flight school with me she tried to avoid saying certain things around other ponies, trying not to make them uncomfortable because she eats meat. She didn’t want them to treat her like an outsider, and I was the only one who didn’t anyway, and eventually she stopped caring what they thought. She may have gone in the wrong direction with that for awhile, but if you keep hiding you might become just as bitter one day. You’re a lot stronger than her, so I doubt it, but I’d rather not take the chance with another one of my friends. You don’t have to be afraid of your strength and speed anymore, and we could really use your help in a fight later, if you let me train you up.”

“This wasn’t for me, Dashie.” Pinkie looked conflicted, biting her lip. “This Fight Pit thing was for you and AJ, and maybe some of those Wonderbolt trainees.”

“I’m proud to have such an exceptional earth pony as my friend, Pinkie. If anyone calls you a freak, I’ll kick their ass. So come on; I want to see what you’ve got.”

“Okay!” Pinkie held back tears, nodding her head enthusiastically. For the longest time, even her closest friends had feared her, but it finally seemed they’d started to see what harm their words had caused. That Rainbow would try to fix that made her immensely happy, but there was definitely something primal to it as well. Rainbow loved a challenge, and now she was sure to get one. For the first time in years, Pinkie decided she would throw all she had into a fight. She trusted Twilight’s spell-work to keep them both safe. “Oh! Get rid of the height limit, Twilight! Wouldn’t be fair.” That surprised Rainbow for a moment, but then she shook her head in self-admonishment. Of course Pinkie wouldn’t want to hold her friend back either.

“Alright then.” Moondancer fought to hold back her indignant thoughts, hiding her emotions behind a blank face. So what if a Wonderbolt with black-belts wanted to beat up a baker at a party? No one could really get hurt so it really didn’t matter if that’s how they wanted to spend their time. Not expecting much, she counted them in.

Pinkie slammed her skull up into Rainbow's chest before anypony else knew what was happening, then jumped up to follow the pegasus into the air and bopped her with her plump butt, the amount of force in the ludicrously playful strike enough to send Rainbow tumbling toward the edge of the Pit right away. Moondancer blinked in shock, dropping the notepad she’d been writing in as her magic cut out and her jaw dropped open. By the time her eye-lids had parted again the two ponies were viciously punching at one another with blinding speed. Rainbow had perfect technique, making rapid and precise strikes with tiny movements that could barely be tracked by the eye, while Pinkie’s swings were clumsy and highly telegraphed, but accompanied by such unnatural raw speed as to be just as difficult to follow.

Then Pinkie casually performed a back-flip double-kick, flipping all the way around and breaking Rainbow's stance before she lunged forward again, the pegasus flapping roughly to the side while kicking at the dirt to sidestep Pinkie’s charge. Pinkie followed the near miss with a jumping spin-kick that Rainbow barely blocked in time, the force of the impact against her arms sending her spinning end over end. Rainbow stabilized herself with her wings and then kicked into the air, flying straight up so she could get some space, reassess her approach, and counter-attack from the air. Pinkie materialized her party cannon seemingly from nowhere and then blasted herself at Rainbow just as the pegasus was twisting around in the air to watch the ground. They slammed into each other, Pinkie holding onto Rainbow and squeezing while she spun them around, and after several rotations she bucked Rainbow’s gut. The pegasus fell like a thrown rock, passing the edge of the Pit and eventually landing with a thud on a table, scattering drinks everywhere. “Woo-hoo! Lets do it again!”

Cadance sidled over to Rainbow Dash, trying to look nonchalant. “So, what was that, exactly?”

“That was Pinkie Pie.” Rainbow answered, a massive grin on her face. “Uncoordinated, sloppy, and untrained.” Rainbow turned an intense gaze to Cadance, and already she began to understand. “Imagine what she’ll be like at the end of these six months.” Exceptional ponies had been gathered to make the Princesses stronger, but they could strengthen each other as well. It seemed the lot of them were destined to become an unstoppable force, as Cadance couldn't imagine anything that could stand against them as a unit.

Of course, she had been wrong before, and she couldn’t shake a sliver of irrational worry.

Preliminary Challenges - Part 1

Twilight fanned out her wings, tapping into the leylines in the air and pulling at the magic in the earth through her hooves. “Ready?” Twilight nodded, and so did Starswirl. “Fight!” Both of them stood there, staring at each other, as if each was waiting for the other to make the first move. Rainbow's gaze shifted from one to the other, studying the spellcasters as closely as Stygian. Finally the ground seemed to shift under Twilight while Starswirl's horn glowed. Teleportation would take a full second to cast, so Twilight just shot up off the ground with a strong flap of her wings, dirt and rock forming a nebulous maw and chomping over nothing right where Twilight had been standing a moment ago. Starswirl quickly fired a magical missile that collided with one of Twilight's own and the battle began in earnest, Starswirl attempting to summon up a golem of dirt while Twilight focused on direct attack spells and drawing in the water energy from the lake several yards away.

“Everypony back up!” Rainbow's warning came just in time, the air sizzling with magic as Twilight destroyed Starswirl's constructs with ease, sending dirt and rock flying in all directions. He wanted to force her to fight them so he could out shoot her, and a barrage of crackling white lasers and lightning surged toward her, but Twilight had been taught how to fly by Rainbow Dash herself and she gracefully twisted in the air to avoid every shot. Starswirl slammed his telekinetic aura at her wings, but even his great magical potential didn't match that of the alicorn Princess whose talent paralleled his own, and her magic banished his influence immediately. He knew he couldn't lock himself into a direct contest of magical might again or she would easily overcome him, and he predicted what her next attack would be, preparing his teleportation spell early.

The magic in the air made Rainbow's body tingle with electrical energy, her mane beginning to stand against gravity. She hadn't expected the battle to last so long. The world had been a much darker and more dangerous place in Starswirl's time, so Rainbow had naturally thought he'd be more than a match for Twilight, in spite of all the foes Twilight had already vanquished. Twilight was already panting with effort, but that was the least of Rainbow's expectations. “Princesses!” It was Stygian. Rainbow quirked a brow at him questioningly but he didn't notice. “Create a sphere of protection for the duel so there are no accidents!” Quickly the battle was confined to a large half-sphere of space, the magical barrier meant to protect the onlookers from stray blasts. The only thing that could protect Starswirl and Twilight from each other was their own precision in avoiding fatal spells, or so it seemed.

Twilight knew Starswirl was smart enough to prepare for a full force blast, as he would expect from her after she banished his telekinesis, but she also had the magic of the lake in her grasp and instead divided her magic. She weaved a counterspell to wash over his horn and fired at the same time, preventing his teleport and swiftly giving him something else to wrestle with. Starswirl met her blast and weaved a spell matrix on the fly around her grip on the water magic, restarting a teleport spell at the same time, something Twilight was immensely impressed by, but she didn't let up. Twilight assaulted his constructs with her own magic and fed more power into her focused magical beam, the intense battle of wits looking like a series of random and sourceless explosions near Starswirl's hooves, flecks of water seeming to materialize from them and hit the dirt. The conflict lasted long enough that the magic burned the air, runes becoming visible as bends in spacetime as Starswirl crafted them and exploding into disorderly cracks when Twilight destabilized them.

Finally Starswirl realized he couldn't keep up with Twilight and her beam pressed his further back toward his horn. He suddenly gave up control of the water magic and focused on teleporting faster, but Twilight wasn't nearly as surprised as he'd hoped and the spell was countered again. Twilight's beam was gaining ground fast, but Starswirl hadn't given up. He still had control of the earth magic in the area, and he quickly erected walls of dirt into the path of Twilight's beam at several points in a linear pattern moving toward her, the brief interruptions just disruptive enough for Starswirl to push back harder and gain the upper hoof. Twilight tried to quell his beam with water magic but his focus was impeccable, the power of his attack too great to be taken with her attention split. She had the advantage of being airborne, dissipating her own magic just early enough to twist backward in the air, Starswirl's magic surging between her legs and missing her crotch by a half inch.

When Twilight was level in the air Starswirl had refocused on an elemental attack, lightning striking against a thin barrier of water energy he hadn't seen her summon. She managed to disperse the electricity and prevent much of it from reaching her, but some did still, and she screamed in pain and rage. Gone was the respectful and frightened posture she'd carried since the start of their duel; no longer did she care who she was fighting or why. With an angry flick of her hoof Twilight cast the electric stream aside, Starswirl's neck craning from the force of the magical wind and his electrical attack splashing apart against the translucent sphere of protection around them. He saw Rainbow Dash flinch on the other side of it, but knew to quickly turn his attention back to his opponent. He summoned his shield just in time, several lavender blasts crackling against the white surface, Twilight hovering directly above him after completing her short flight path. He could feel her magic flowing at his hooves, and crafted a powerful spell matrix to protect his shield from what he sensed she would try next.

However, Twilight did not do what Starswirl expected. She remembered the feeling of having her magic wrenched from her soul by Tirek, the pain of Starlight ripping her cutie mark away, and the pure agony of the Storm King siphoning away her unique abilities into his staff. She would never feel that again. Magical power flowed over her entire body, focused to an orb at her horn, and she dove straight down with incredible speed like a living comet, breaking Starswirl's shield apart and slamming him into the dirt. He was dazed and defeated beneath her, both of them panting heavily from the exertion, sweat matting their fur down and Twilight's wings twitching at her sides. As Twilight began to calm her expression became dumbfounded, as if she couldn't fathom what she'd just done, but when Starswirl regained his senses he stated it clearly. “I concede. You have bested me, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Sister,” Luna whispered quietly, watching Twilight's display of strength and technique with widened eyes. “Is Twilight stronger than Us?” As the dust settled from Twilight's dive, Celestia was compelled to reevaluate her plans. Starswirl had been her mentor before his disappearance, and neither she nor Luna had ever beaten him in single combat. They dropped the sphere of protection, Cadance, Stygian, and Rainbow Dash rushing in immediately.

“Are you alright, Starswirl?”

“Yes yes, I'm fine, Stygian. You should be congratulating my most worthy opponent on her victory.” Rainbow had to resist the urge to hug her friend as Twilight stepped back, an embarrassed blush framing her smile. Her blush only deepened when Starswirl stood and bowed to her. “It was an honor to train with you, Princess. I am glad we have so much more time ahead of us.”

“Awesome work, Twilight,” Rainbow said with a smirk. “Seems you're ahead of the class.”

“Oh, I wouldn't say that.” Twilight seemed uncomfortable with the idea, rubbing her left leg with the other hoof, her wings still twitching with adrenaline.

“It's okay, Twilight.” Celestia stepped forth to her former student and draped a comforting wing over her, forcing Twilight's own wings down into a more relaxed position and hugging her tightly in spite of her sweat. “You are a better spellcaster than I.”

“Princess--”

“No!” Celestia stomped her hoof to emphasize her point, stopping Twilight's embarrassed rebuttal instantly. “Even during the Great Cataclysm Luna and I knew a third Equestrian Princess would rise, the marks growing onto the Tree of Harmony proof enough of that. That it took almost a millenia since then for you to be born does not change that. You are not Our ambassador, Our student, nor Our military leader. You are Our equal. Call me 'Princess' if you wish, as I do now, Princess of Equestria, but do not say it with that deferential tone of voice. Magic is your Destiny given talent: you should expect to be great with it.”

A weight was lifted from Twilight with those words, and suddenly her posture was much more relaxed. The look of surprise and embarrassment was gone from her face, and in its place was a serene smile. “Thank you, Celestia.”

“If everypony is done being off-topic, I'd like to get back to the assessment rounds now,” Rainbow Dash said with forced faux agitation, having difficulty in suppressing her smile. “Cadance, you're next!”

Luna pouted and stomped her hooves in a not-so-regal fashion, the excitement of the previous duel clearly bringing back the brash, battle-hungry, Warrior Princess she'd been in ages past. “Neigh! We wished to go next!”

“Yeah, well your date is late, so suck it up and wait!” Dash spat back. “Unless you just don't care about the carefully crafted curriculum composed by the most awesome pony in Equestria,” she held a hoof to her own chest, “and the best planner to come out of limbo,” she gestured at Stygian. Luna continued pouting, but didn't force the point, turning away as Cadance gave her a concerned look. “Anyway, Cadance, you're gonna race.”

“Race? Against the fastest pony in a Equestria?”

“Nope.” Rainbow made a gesture with her left wing and seconds later Spitfire shot from the sky like a fiery meteor, landing right beside Cadance. To her credit she didn't flinch that time. “But pretty close.” Rainbow pointed her hoof to a marked cloud sculpted to be a finish and starting line for a circular race course in the sky. “Stygian will record how quickly each of you reaches the line and how long it takes you to complete one lap afterward. The obstacles are just cadets so try not to break them when you kick their flanks.”

“What..?” Cadance said, completely baffled.

Spitfire smirked and began to explain. “There are two groups of four would-be Wonderbolts waiting for us along the course. We can't interfere with each other, but they're going to try their best to stop us separately.”

“How did Rainbow get them to agree to all this? They realize this is going to hurt, don't they?”

“They're all straight stallions.” Cadance quirked a brow at the apparent irrelevance of that, but then she remembered her time in college and how much some stallions would put up with just to be close to her. Considering how attractive Spitfire herself was and how young these cadets probably were it started to make sense. By the time Spitfire started waggling her eyebrows in an over-exaggerated display Cadance already understood her point. “I think at least one of them is a masochist, too.”

“Okay! Okay, I get it. TMI, frankly.” Twilight rolled her eyes from the sidelines, annoyed by Cadance's use of abbreviations in conversation and equally sure that the Princess of Love wasn't as shocked by what Spitfire was saying as she pretended to be by leagues.

“On your marks!” Stygian drew a line in the dirt with his magic and the two racers swiftly got into position, looks of concentration taking their expressions.

“Be warned,” Spitfire whispered conspiratorially. “There's an X factor, something Dash hasn't told you.”

“Get set!”

“When it happens, just keep racing. Wouldn't be fair otherwise.”

“Go!” Spitfire was as a bullet shot from the ground to the cloud, reaching the starting line in less than a second, but Cadance was only twenty milliseconds behind her, pumping her powerful wings as quickly and strongly as she could. The course would take them around Twilight's castle, and its thin central spire did nothing to hide the two stallions nervously waiting to try their hooves at slowing down the wickedly fast mares. They were straight in front of them, giving them time to consider their options. Cadance knew she couldn't out-fly Spitfire in a simple race, but if she could bypass the stallions entirely she'd have a sure shot, so she blasted the one in front of her with a simple stunning spell, sending him falling safely to one of the many safety clouds Dash had arranged to protect any fliers knocked from the sky in the combat zones.

Spitfire ignored Cadance's smirk, putting on speed so she wouldn't lose the lead. Dash was counting on them to be a challenge for immortal Princesses and Spitfire refused to falter in that regard. The stallion barely had time to flinch as she twisted around and over his head, bucking his back and forcing him down into the cloud with great force, hardly losing any speed at all. Cadance was shocked by the martial prowess on display, first from Rainbow Dash and Celestia and now from Spitfire. She realized she would have to catch up in that regard to complete Dash's training regime, but refused to give up, filling the air in front of her with pure magical heat from her horn so she could more easily glide up the slope in the course Spitfire was already passing. The next two pegasi were waiting at the next corner of the course, making Cadance's previous feat much more difficult. She tried the stun spell again in spite of the bad angle and missed her target, the cadet huffing angrily and the other's jaw dropping open with shock.

Spitfire moved to take advantage of her stallion's distracted state, but her attempt to buck him from the sky as she rounded the corner failed as he raised a leg to protect his chest. The angle wasn't perfect and the strong cadet took the hit with merely a grunt, glaring hungrily at Spitfire. “Dash did promise this would be a great fight.” Spitfire couldn't waste more time than she'd already lost when he'd robbed her of momentum, but her attempt to fly over him was thwarted by his quick hooves. His forearms wrapped around her supple flanks and he held her body close to his, keeping her hind legs trapped at his sides. Meanwhile, Cadance had reached her angered opponent, and he introduced her to the experience of fighting hoof-to-hoof in the air by slamming a right hook into her belly.

“Damn, you're strong.” Spitfire couldn't wiggle her way out of the stallion's firm grip, but he had only just begun his assault, flipping them both in the air until her head passed through the edge of a small guide-cloud for the course. Part of the fluffy mass clung to the pegasus magic in her face, obscuring her vision and muffling the sounds of Cadance's own battle. She could feel herself sinking, as if the stallion was flying with gravity to carry her away from the course, but she was quick to fling the cloud from her face and reassess her situation. The stallion had the decency to withhold his tongue, but he was certainly enjoying the scent and sight of her crotch as close as it was to his face. Spitfire had known to expect this, and she was no stranger to using her body as a distraction during a fight, so she smirked mirthlessly. “Enjoying being down there?” Immediately after her rhetorical question she slammed her forehooves into the back of his head, which may have been jarring enough on its own, but the move also pushed his head between her toned thighs and she squeezed his skull between them until his grip slacked and his wings stilled.

Cadance took hit after hit, having no idea how to properly defend herself from the assault, but even without formal training Cadance was a force to be reckoned with, and she'd taken a much worse beating from Chrysalis and her drones some years ago. He seemed to be leaving her face be, and she took advantage of that, smiling at him radiantly. “You're really good at this.” His strikes lost their edge and an embarrassed blush washed over him. He was distracted enough for her next move. “Sorry about this,” she hastily said before kicking him in the worst possible place, his face contorting with debilitating pain as he fell toward the cloud. Cadance was almost half a second ahead of Spitfire as they both finally pushed past the corner, Spitfire having been pushed much further off-course. Cadance looked back at her, expecting an expression of concentration on the speedster, but instead her face was grim with worry.

“I'm sorry, Princess.”

“Sorry for what!?”

“Dash's challenges are really intense.”

“I don't--”

“Incoming fire!” Cadance looked down in the direction Rainbow's voice came from, seeing Starlight Glimmer revving up a powerful spell beside her. “Dodge! Dodge!” Suddenly the air was filled with fireballs shooting up at them from the ground, Cadance clumsily conjuring a shield to protect herself as Spitfire weaved through the flames like it was second-nature to her. Cadance was losing her lead, the isolation of the shield disrupting the airflow she needed to fly quickly. Cadance had visions of her past, green changeling fire raining down on Canterlot, slimy hooves clutching her in the night, and the manic laugh of Queen Chrysalis echoing in her head.

If Rainbow Dash knew she was helping the Princesses perform better by triggering their PTSD she might not have been grinning so broadly when Cadance dropped her shield with an angry snarl. Her long mane and tail caught fire as she dodged by inches and pushed ever onwards, passing Spitfire again. The prideful pegasus wouldn't have that, not after all her warnings and concessions, and soon her tail and mane were wreathed in flame as well. Still, Cadance was in the lead again when they cleared the barrage of fire, and they had a long stretch after another turn to work purely on building speed. The wind sweeping through their hair was enough to put out the flames, Cadance grunting from effort as Spitfire pulled up beside her. Spitfire's lithe body was covered in sweat as she pushed herself harder than she ever had, starting to overtake Cadance.

“Rapid fire!” Starlight had teleported and was firing laser blasts, this time aimed squarely at Cadance, but the alicorn refused to give ground by summoning another shield. She had to invent a new solution if she wanted to win, not able to focus well enough to teleport with the strain she was putting on her wings. She focused her shield crafting magic into her rear hooves, blending unicorn and earth pony magic while pushing the pegasus magic in her body to its limit. With a mighty buck she kicked off the flat barrier summoned behind her, giving her a boost in speed as Starlight's lasers shot by uselessly. She repeated the feat again and again until she couldn't get herself moving any faster, pulling ahead of Spitfire during the final stretch.

There were four stallions ahead, two for Spitfire and two for Cadance, the last between them and the finish line. If the point was to increase the level of challenge when compared to the previous encounter then Cadance wasn't having any of it, summoning a stuttering sphere of explosive magical energy between the two pegasi on her side of the course, causing them both to fall from the sky as dazed tangles of limbs. Cadance soared by unmolested, but Spitfire saw an opportunity, her own opponents completely ignoring her as they stared at the source of the magical feat in shock. Spitfire flapped hard and flew right over their heads, almost even with Cadance again.

“No, it's not fair!” Cadance had one final obstacle between her and the finish line, Sunset Shimmer using a cloudwalking spell to stand directly in front of her. “When did she even get here!?” It didn't matter, laser fire suddenly whizzing past Cadance's feathers as she narrowly dodged much of the barrage, but plenty of it struck home. The nonlethal variety of the spell was being used, stinging Cadance's flesh and threatening to force her wings to lock up.

“Told you it was intense!” Spitfire was passing her and doing a little wave of her hoof as if to mock Cadance. “Better luck next time, Princess!”

Cadance wanted to shove Sunset directly into Spitfire's smug face, but that would probably forfeit her victory in Dash's eyes since she'd count it as interference. Instead she flung her right wing forward and lit her horn, forcing the cloud Sunset was on downward. “Whoa!” With Sunset too surprised to keep going, Cadance got her momentum back, but it was too little too late. She wouldn't pass Spitfire at the speed she'd achieved, so she flexed her rear legs in preparation to try something really stupid.

As Cadance approached Sunset she fired her own lasers at the unicorn, forcing her to raise and feed continuous energy to a magic shield, and just as she was passing over it Cadance bucked it as she had done to her own magical barriers earlier. The wellspring of magic that Sunset had access to funneled into a repellent force exerted on Cadance's legs while she simultaneously threw all of her own mana into another flap of her wings, the muscles in them going numb from the exhausting move. Sunset's shield shattered and she yelped from the pain in her horn, Cadance shooting past the finish line at ridiculous speed, the shockwave throwing Spitfire clean off the course. The veteran Wonderbolt had hundreds of hours of spin-out recovery practice to her name and was steady in the air again after less than a second, but Cadance spun and twisted through the air in a mess of exhausted limbs, crashing into the ground almost as spectacularly as Twilight had crashed into Starswirl.

“Cadance!” Twilight was by her side via teleport instantly, checking over her many small bruises and brushing her hoof over her static-charged fur and feathers. “Are you alright? Talk to me!”

“The Ogre of Isaterrelle will fall by MY blade, dear Prince,” Cadance muttered, slowly recovering her bearings. Apparently she was reliving a session of Ogres and Oubliettes she'd played with Twilight, Shining, and several of his college friends. “Wh-what? What happened?”

“Did you hit your head?” Twilight asked, scrutinizing the skin on Cadance's head between her fur and under her mane. “Don't you remember the race?”

Cadance gasped and perked up as it all came back to her, her eyes searching the sky to see Rainbow gliding down, Celestia, Luna, Stygian, and Starswirl approaching on hoof from where the race had started. “Did it work? Did I win?”

“You won alright, but that landing was 'eh'.” Rainbow's expression matched her words, and she made a 'so-so' motion with a hoof.

“Oh yeah!? Well, that stupid race of yours wasn't fair at all!”

“Exactly.” Rainbow cantered closer with a broad smirk, gesturing to the course with a wing. “You still won, though. You're an alicorn Princess; you have the magic of every type of pony in your blood. I've never seen anypony do whatever it is that you just did up there, and that's because none of us know what you four are capable of. If I don't push you hard then we'll never know just how powerful you can become.”

“Ha ha!” Twilight suddenly tackle-hugged Rainbow, nuzzling her affectionately. “Oh, I just knew you were the perfect pony for this job!”

“Uh, Twilight? Please get off me.” Twilight was eventually convinced to comply as Spitfire brought Sunset's cloud down, the cadets assembled, and Starlight trotted over to join them.

“How's she doing?” Cadance asked, raising a hoof toward Sunset in worry. “I didn't hurt her too badly, did I?”

“She's fine, Princess,” Spitfire reported. “We knew the risks when we agreed to fight you. You're basically Goddesses. It's terrifying.” Twilight and Cadance were taken aback by that, finally being confronted with the fact that some ponies were treating them as divine just as generations of ponies had done for Celestia and Luna.

“A question I once asked myself,” Celestia added, reading their expressions flawlessly. “If I were a Goddess, how would I know that I was? I concluded that it is not up to me, but for my little ponies to decide.” Luna just rolled her eyes behind her sister's back at that, and everypony else pretended they didn't see it.

“Enough ego-stroking,” Rainbow stated flatly, turning to the Wonderbolt cadets who weren't unconscious. “Most of you were pretty terrible up there, and the Wonderbolts are a branch of the Equestrian military. If you wanna make it in you'll need to shape up! Luckily for all of you this is a training field. Spitfire will be your drill sergeant for the day, now get outta here and do whatever she says!”

“Wait, no.” Fizzlepop Berrytwist was having a hard time believing everything Moondancer was telling her about Twilight Sparkle as they disembarked from the train, Grubber's expression giving away that he was more than a little impressed. “She can't have a doctorate in geology too! That would be eight doctoral degrees. She doesn't look nearly old enough to have gotten that many!”

“Honorary doctorates are given to scientists who make great strides in the field of study in question,” Moondancer replied with some measure of pride. “Most of Twilight's accolades are due to her experiments and discoveries rather than her grades in school, which were also always excellent. As good as I am at learning and retaining knowledge, I have to admit that Twilight has the superior mind. She expands the knowledge and understanding of all ponykind and is a gift to the scientific community at large.” Fizzlepop didn't seem to be paying attention to Moondancer anymore, and the bookish unicorn quickly followed her gaze to see what occupied it.

They were staring at Celaeno and Capper, who were also on the platform after exiting their own train car. When the two looked at each other they didn't look to be on particularly friendly terms, but they still nodded to each other before stepping toward two of their former enemies. “Tempest Shadow,” Celaeno said icily.

“I'm sorry, I don't actually remember your name.”

“Two of my crew are in a pony hospital right now because of you. They had to fight an army of yetis on the ground with no support because you blew up our ship!”

“And I killed the Storm King,” Fizzy said back with an uninterested tone. “Are we going to stand here and list my military achievements all day or are you going to explain why you're here?”

Celaeno flicked her sword an inch out of her sheath with her thumb, but Capper laid his hand over hers and pushed the sword back down, making her feathers bristle. “Now now, there's no need for violence,” he said with enough charm to convince a diamond dog to give up his jewels, “...yet.” He leaned down to be eye-level with Fizzy, his face rather close to hers. “Lemme guess: Twilight summoned you too, didn't she?” The implications made Fizzy's horn spark involuntarily, which in turn caused Capper's fur to stand up and his claws to extend. “Careful now: you might trigger my fight or flight response.”

“Forgive me for not being threatened by Klugetown trash.”

“Okay, this is getting a little outta hand.” Grubber tried to intervene but was largely ignored by the others.

“I am from Abyssinia, you witch! And I'd still be there if your former boss hadn't stolen everything my people had before blowing the whole nation to Tartarus!”

“Wait a minute,” Celaeno interrupted, looking at Capper with new eyes. “Aren't you one of those kids we found stowed away in a treasure ship a few years ago? What in the Sky happened to the other one?”

“Good of you to finally notice, Captain.” Capper's smile was tight and forced, and he pointedly avoided answering Celaeno's second question.

Fizzy opened her maw with a sneer, but Grubber clamped his claws over her muzzle before she could speak, whispering harshly in her ear, “Stop. Talking.”

“Wow.” They all turned to the bespectacled unicorn they'd been overlooking, trying to suppress their volatile emotions for Moondancer's sake. “You need to spend more time with Twilight. You all suck at friendship.” Grubber raised a paw as if to refute that, but no counter-evidence came to mind and he simply shrugged.

“There you are, darlings!” Rarity was on her way toward them, and she looked absolutely stunning, her fur well brushed and her mane and tail in perfect condition. Her facial makeup was impeccably well applied, and her eyeshadow was the perfect shade to accent her naturally smoldering gaze. Her false eyelashes were so perfectly placed that none of her admirers noticed they weren't real. Capper had thought she was beautiful when they first met, but that had been after a trek through a desert, not after a spa visit. “Capper, dear! I see you're still wearing that new coat I made for you,” she said, her voice as sweet as silk. It draped over the mood of the meeting and slowly softened it. “Remind me to make you more so it doesn't get worn out.”

“You've given me plenty already, Miss Rarity. I only ask that you point me toward some ponies who are hiring so I can pay for the next one.”

“Oh-ho-ho no, darling. I'll definitely help you with that after you've finished your service to the crown. This goes for all of you: it is a full-time job, and it pays very well.” They all had questions brewing and Rarity could see it in their eyes, continuing before they could slow her down further. “Now I'm already fashionably late from coming to meet you, so if we don't proceed now my reputation will be tarnished.”

“What the heck is taking her so long?” Rainbow Dash muttered irritably to herself, pacing back and forth between Luna and Sunset Shimmer, the latter of them having recovered her senses and lounging on the now low cloud.

“You know Rarity,” Sunset intoned distractedly. “She always wants to be the last person-- er, pony, to arrive at a party.”

“But this isn't a party!”

Suddenly a fluffy pink pony sprung from the fluff of the cloud and screamed “Woooooo! Party!” They were all sure she hadn't been there before, and after firing confetti into the air from her party cannon Pinkie Pie zipped back down into the cloud and completely disappeared. Luna glanced around frantically, casting several probing spells over the cloud, making Sunset's bones tingle but finding no Pinkie Pie.

“How did she..?”

“Luna,” Twilight's expression was a strange combination of soft, stern, and understanding, “don't question Pinkie Pie.” Luna wanted to press the issue, but she was interrupted by the late arrivals.

“We're he~re!” Rainbow rolled her eyes, trotting up to them.

“Nice of you to finally show up. You know they could have made it here without an escort, right?”

Rarity gave a “Psshht” and waved her hoof daintily. “As if I would ever let my friends fight their way through a magical barrier that assaults one's mind with the constant suggestion to turn around and leave. With me there the barrier parted before us.”

“They could still make it through if they were determined enough, and that was part of the point!”

“That's stupid.” They all turned to Moondancer, surprised by her interruption. “A classic Barrier of Neurobitus can only be crossed if you know to prepare mental defenses or if your life very immediately depends on reaching the interior. We never would have made it through without a previously approved pony nearby to suppress the effects for us.”

“Huh.” Dash quirked her head to the side curiously. “I guess stuff like that is why Twilight put you on her list.”

“Duh!” The preppy purple pony Princess pranced forth herself, pulling Moondancer into an affectionate nuzzle with her wing. “Moondancer is a genius.”

“Hello, Twilight. You smell like sweat.” Moondancer felt like kicking herself after saying that, Twilight backing away with an embarrassed titter. “I don't mind, but I would like to know why.”

“Spike will brief you inside,” Rainbow said, once again taking control of the situation. “But you may wanna stick around to see the next fight first. You ready, Rarity?”

“Oh yes,” she nodded, trotting into position three yards away from Luna. “I plan to give the Princess a proper first challenge.”

Luna quirked a brow at the prettiest unicorn in Ponyville, then glanced at Rainbow Dash questioningly. “And?”

“And what?” Rarity answered for Dash, her muzzle turned up slightly.

“And shall I fight with my wings tied to my back? My magic suppressed? Will a second and third foe appear from the shadows in the middle of the fight?” Rarity laughed with a shake of her head.

“Are you kidding?” Rainbow Dash rebuffed. “Rarity has three black belts AND she's the reigning fencing champion in Ponyville!”

“Don't forget Manehattan and Canterlot, Miss Dash.”

“Plus,” Twilight added, “I have been helping her improve her magic.” Luna looked up and down Rarity's body, taking in her relaxed but formal posture and confident expression. She certainly didn't hold herself like a great warrior about to engage in a historical duel with a Goddess, but appearances could be deceptive.

“Very well then.” Luna's face set into a determined frown. “I will face you in glorious, honorable combat, my friend!”

“Delightful.”