The Elements of Incompetence

That day, the sun came out slowly, wiggly, maybe even reluctantly. Upon seeing it, anypony would think it was tired, and hesitant to show up...

...or maybe that was just Celestia.

The ruler of all things pony walked back to the castle and sat on her throne. Rising the sun hadn't left her so exhausted in a millenium.

"You're late," a familiar voice accused.

"Princess Luna! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be sleeping."

"I wanted to make sure you're okay."

Princess Celestia rubbed her eyes. "I'm not sure. I keep–"

"Also," Luna continued as she walked up to her sister, "I was wondering if you could tell me more about your plan. I slept through most of your explanation and could only hear what we're having for dinner. And let me tell you, what I've seen has only left me more disoriented."

"I dispatched six seemingly incompatible ponies in a mission to save the world, guided by an outcast! That's how friendship works, right?"

"Indeed," agreed Princess Luna with a nod. "Being responsible of the lives of thousands of ponies is the best to break the ice."
"Oh, I'm just not sure, Luna." Celestia leaned her head against the back of her throne. "I'm starting to think friendship isn't going to save the day this time. Do we still have our old arsenal?"

Princess Luna shook her head. "We sold most of it to the griffons to afford Princess Twilight's book festival. A bad choice, but fun nevertheless. I managed to get me a bunch of Dragon Pit Z manga."

Princess Celestia nodded in agreement.

Silence.

Celestia sighed heavily and looked through the window. "How did I let this happen?" she said under her breath.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, sister. You're doing your best."

"Yes, by hiding in a luxurious castle!" The princess closed her eyes and faced the floor. "Sister, oh, sister..." She looked at Princess Luna. "We're alicorns. None among our kind would ever dare to confront us. Our power is only matched by that of deities. We're so powerful that the sun and moon themselves have given in to our will! How come we are not out there fighting those ruffians?"

"I recognize you're right, sister, but I see you ignore something very important." Luna stood in front of Princess Celestia and held her head with one hoof. "We are the rulers of this land. It is our duty to protect and guide our subjects. Sure, we could defeat one or two of these villains, but then what? We'd be too tired to move on to the next one. For the sake of our subjects, we can't expose ourselves to that kind of risk."

"So for the sake of our subjects, it's them who should risk their lives instead of us. I see."

"Just imagine if something happened to us! Then they'd be in danger. Panic would spread, Celestia. We can't let that happen."

"I know, Luna, I know!" yelled Celestia.

Luna just stared at her, waiting for her to calm down.

"I'm... sorry," Celestia apologized as she settled back on her seat. "I just keep thinking this is my fault. I should be out there doing something, not just staying here sitting idly on my throne!"

"And you will, sister. I understand how you feel, but for now there's nothing we can do. This will end soon..." Luna smiled gently at Celestia, "I promise."

Princess Celestia put her hoof over her sister's. "Thank you, Luna. But I can't stay calm in a moment like this."

"I know. Me neither."

"How did I let this happen? I keep making the same mistake over and over again. First you, then Sunset Shimmer, now Sunburst."

"Oh, don't forget Duskhorn," added Princess Luna.

"Her, too. Why does everything I ever lay my eyes upon end up corrupted?"

Luna's eyes wandered all around the room before they met Celestia's again. She sat beside her throne and looked around, thinking. "I've been to his dreams, you know?"

Princess Celestia looked at her, confused.

"To Sunburst's, I mean."

"Oh."

"They are almost inaccesible, though. Whenever I manage to break through, it's too late to do anything."

"A sleep protection spell? That's odd. When I tried to teach him that spell his whole head caught on fire."

Luna snickered. It wasn't hard to imagine Sunburst in that situation. "Worse than that. A messy sleep schedule. I tried to reach his dreams these last days to see what was going on inside his head, but it was useless. I don't think he has slept at all."

"Oh, poor thing..."

"I wouldn't want to question him, even after what he's done for the Crystal Empire and Princess Flurry Heart, but after seeing what he caused I can't help but wonder..."

"...if he's going to do a good job?" Princess Celestia giggled. "Trust me, if there's one pony who can convince Grogar that we're the weak and fearful ponies he thinks we are, it's Sunburst."

"I know. But do you reaaally think he will make it?"

"Have faith, Luna. I saw it when he was my student, and I'm sure you'll see it soon. Sunburst is not the kind of pony who gives up too easily."

"I give up," said Sunburst, covering his eyes with one hoof. "I give up, on all of you."

"Sunburst, wait!" supplicated Moondancer. "I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd–"

"Don't apogolize, Moondancer. You did right by acknowledging his poor behavior," cut Quibble, walking up to Sunburst. "Why, Mr. Sunburst, what a surprise!"

"Quibble, you little... cheese cracker!"

"Oh noo, I'm so hurt!" Quibble snorted. "That insult wouldn't even get you banned from my reading club!"

Sunburst groaned.

"What, you really have the nerve to think what I said was wrong?"

"Nopony thinks that but you!"

"Shh. Let the readers opine," he said as he pointed to the others.

Flash Sentry looked down. "Well, you are kinda rude."

"You have no idea how to be a leader," added Limestone Pie.

"And you have a goatee!" exclaimed Lightning Dust.

"The critics have talked," finished Quibble, rising one eyebrow in a triumphant smirk.

Sunburst's eyes ran frenetically from one pony to the other. Such rejection... it burned.

And so he ran off.

Lightning Dust wrote something down in a small notebook.

Flash stretched his neck to see what she was writing. "What's that?"

"I'm counting the times he's changed his mind. Five times and counting."

"Well," Quibble walked back to the group, "that's one less problem. No need to thank me, ponies, I was just doing my job. But, if you wanna make me the new leader..." he chuckled, "...I understand."

Moondancer's ears went up. "What."

"I'm just saying that, without that pathetic poser pony, we're in need of a leader. No, no, I know what you're going to say: 'Where are we going to find a pony so selfless, trustworthy and observant?' Fear not." He ran a hoof along his mane, tidying it. "I'll be more than glad to be that pony."

"Please tell me he's kidding."

"What? Ooooh! I see. You think I'm not worthy, don't you, ungrateful unicorn?" accused Quibble. "Pfft! After all I did!"

"How selfless," snickered Lightning.

Moondancer rolled her eyes. "Don't jump so easily to a conclusion, Pants. All I'm saying is that we can't choose a leader just like that. I say we should go back to the castle, tell Princess Celestia what happened and let her decide who the leader should be."

But Quibble insisted, "AFTER ALL I DID!" He leaned on Flash Sentry, whining. "Can you believe it? Oh, such is the fate of the helpful pony!"

Moondancer covered her ears. "I can't stand him anymore!" she yelled. "You know what you did? You ruined everything. You drove away the one pony who could guide us in this mission. Now he's gone and the princess won't be happy!"

"You agreed with me!"

"So what? We could have talked to him. We could have helped him, but of course you had to drive him away!" Moondancer rubbed her temples. "This was your plan from the start, wasn't it? You wanted him gone so you could be the leader!"

"Bah! What a judgy filly." Quibble walked away. "You know, even if that was my intention, it's not like I was wrong for doing it. You should be thanking me, I mean, I bet that Sunburst wasn't even who you thought he is! Who knows what kind of traps he was plotting in that little head of his? He was hiding something. I know it."

"Alright, crystal pony, since you're so transparent, tell us!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Moondancer smiled maliciously at him.

Quibble's skin paled under his fur. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yes."

"Oh... what?" asked Flash Sentry.

"Lightning Dust and Limestone Pie did something to him," Moondancer paced in front of Quibble, "something he hasn't been able to forget, even after all this time. But since he doesn't have anything to hide, I believe he won't have any trouble telling us what it was..." She stopped and looked at him. "Right, Quibble Pants?"

Quibble thought about it for a second. "Fine," he gave in, trying to keep his cool. "If that's all I need to do to be the leader..."

Moondancer sat beside Flash Sentry and grabbed some popcorn.

"Lightning Dust and I used to date."

"I knew it," whispered Flash.

"But it turned out all the time she had been dating Limestone Pie!"

"Ooh!" Flash ate some of Moondancer's popcorn. "Drama. I like it."

"She used me so she and her precious marefriend could sneak in my daringfiction group and write bad stuff about my fanfics on the bulletin board!" Quibbled faced Lightning and Limestone, tearing up. "Nopony wanted to read my stuff for months!"

Lightning Dust smiled. "I would do it again."

"YOU'RE THE REASON I HAVE TRUST ISSUES!" he cried.

"YOU STOLE HOLDER'S BOULDER!" replied Limestone.

"I was hunting relics! Get over it already, will you?"

"Look who's talking about getting over things!" mocked Lightning.

"You look who's talking! You still can't get over the fact that she broke up with you after that!"

Flash Sentry chuckled nervously. "Okay, this is getting weird."

"Alright, ponies." Moondancer put her popcorn aside and stood up with a satisfied smile. "That's all I wanted to hear. Let's go to the castle now."

"Bah! Who named you the leader?" said Quibble.

"Well, maybe I should be the leader, since I'm the only one who's taking this seriously!"

"Hey, no way, I want to lead too! I'm a great flyer and an innate leader!"

"I would be a good leader!" assured Moondancer.

"I deserve to be the leader!" claimed Quibble Pants.

"I was born to be a leader!" bragged Lightning Dust.

"I just want everypony to have a good time!" joined Flash Sentry, swiftly waving his forehooves.

But Limestone Pie had other plans. She stepped forward, stomping her hooves steadily on the ground. "None of you is going to be the leader," she said, "because none of you even has an idea of what it means to be one. Disciplined. Firm. You will never have what it takes. Specially you, Quibble Pants."

Quibble pouted.

"But I have spent years managing my family's rock farm and I know just what you, mound of cotton candy crybabies, need." She cleared her throat. "ANY PROBLEMS WITH THAT?"

Flash, Moondancer and Lightning shook their heads quickly.

"That's what I thought."

"I hurried angrily down the road. Making the most of my rage, I stomped my hooves against the hard roads of Canterlot. I was mad, because I knew that if I stopped being mad, I'd just get sad beyond reason.

"Mad at Quibble, at the others for agreeing with him, but mostly... mad at myself.

"Back at magic school, everypony was... mean towards me. But it wasn't their words that bothered me, or the nicknames they gave me, or the paper planes they threw at me. No, what bothered me the most was the fact that they were right.

"Quibble Pants was right. Grogar, too. I could never be a leader nor a good friend. I could never defeat anypony, and I could never be useful for anypony, either.

"But for a moment I thought I could do it. I thought I could save the day... But not by myself. Not alone.

"In my raged walk I stumbled upon a small puddle. My teardrops distorted my reflection in the water, and the blinding light of the sun bounced in the waves of...

"Oh, great. Just great," Sunburst groaned. "Not even I can make my life sound interesting.

"I'm awful. I'm a bad, selfish pony! How could I not consider their feelings? Of course, everything has to be about me!" He smashed his face against the muddy water. "This is all my fault. I don't deserve friendship."

Sunburst took off his cloak and used it to clean his face. "Calm down, Sunburst, you're starting to sound like Starlight." He sat down and put his cloak back on. "Maybe it's a good thing. They will be much better without me. Obviously the princess wasn't thinking clearly when she chose me for the job..." Sunburst sighed. "I guess I'll just feel horrible about this forever. Oh well."

"Oh well indeed. I see you finally understand..." replied a voice out of thin air. Jingle and jangle and Grogar appeared in front of Sunburst.

"Oh, hi, you," said Sunburst, still looking at his reflection in the puddle.

Grogar frowned. "What, no screaming, no stuttering in fear?"

"Sorry. I kinda don't care if I die right now..." he shrugged. "You know how it is."

"You're no fun."

"I get that a lot."

"Well, in that case..." Grogar cleared his throat, "I suppose I shall destroy you."

Once again, Sunburst shrugged.

"Fine."

Sunburst laid down. "Whenever you want."

"Oh, quit that." Grogar shook his bells, levitating Sunburst off the ground. "I shall make this brief, for I see you have no intentions to brawl me out of your land. I have come to present you a proposal."

But Grogar's words were met with a shrug from Sunburst. Again.

...so he threw him away.

Moondancer patted Flash's back. He was panting heavily, and his fur and feathers were ruffled and covered in sweat. Lightning Dust didn't look much better.

Ponyville was no more. The same would happen to Canterlot soon. But there, at the base of the Canterlot mountain, the scene was completely different. The place was still green and pretty, still and quiet as always.

Well, it would be, if Flash and Lightning shut up for a moment.

Lightning Dust finally managed to articulate some words. "WHY," she said, "DID YOU MAKE US PULL THAT THING ALL THE WAY FROM CANTERLOT? It would have been much easier if you just let us fly!"

Limestone Pie rolled her eyes. She peeked her head out of the carriage and shot a glare at Lightning that forced her to shut her mouth.

She had been in charge for less than an hour, and they had already seen the kind of leader she was – stone-cold, stone-faced and with a heart of stone. Really, she was as rigid and hard-headed as a stone. If the elements – the ones remaining – didn't follow her rules... Well, they wouldn't dare to do that.

Still, as strict as she seemed, it was better than following Quibble's orders.

Limestone stepped out of the carriage. At every step she took, dirt flew off. It was like it was afraid of her too. She looked around deadpan until her eyes met Moondancer. "You," she uttered coldly. "Come with me."

All of Moondancer's body shook as she imagined what Limestone would tell her to do. The leader put her hoof inside the carriage and pulled a startled Quibble out of it.

"You two. Pull the carriage. Now."

Quibbled obeyed immediately, while Moondancer seemed somewhat puzzled.

"Wait," she said, not willing to obey right away. "Why do we have to pull the carriage when I could just use my magic to take us to the Damagesparkian Empire?"

"No, you can't," Limestone replied steadily.

"W-well, sure, maybe not right there, but I can–"

Limestone grunted in disgust. "Oh, this is what I hate about non-earth ponies and Quibble Pants. You're always seeking the short way to everything you do. Look around, unicorn. All these ponies are missing something. That includes you. You can't see it, but I do, and so does Princess Celestia."

Limestone Pie got in the carriage and leaned over her seat, forelegs crossed. "Or at least that's what I think."

The door opened, letting in some sunbeams that bounced against the walls of the cavern. A beautiful sight reserved only for those blinded by their own greed and selfishness.

Sunburst stepped in. "The Canterlot Crystal Caverns." He looked around, humming. "I've read about this place, but I never thought I'd see it myself."

Grogar marched in front of Sunburst, chin up. "A great location for my evil headquarters, isn't it?"

"I... think you could have done better."

"There aren't many hiding spots in this city, you know? Not appropiate ones, at least. Canterlot isn't a very horrifying place."

"I beg to differ." Sunburst looked up and around. "I actually think this is the most beautiful place in the city... But why did you bring me here?"

"As I already said... I want to present you a proposal. However, I do think it is useless to try to fool you, so I will make it clear. I have no intention but to use you."

"Oh, I'm good at that..." Sunburst whispered. He sat on the floor and wrapped himself with his forelegs. There were no air streams inside the cave, but the place was still cold. Really cold.

Grogar shook the bells from his necklace. POOF! A small fire appeared next to Sunburst. Grogar sat beside him.

The unlucky unicorn shuddered. He was sitting next to the villain that, as a colt, had inspired him even more than the hero of the book. He stroke his goatee. Thinking about it, Grogar might have been an influence when he decided to grow a beard.

Maybe it was weird to have an evil ram necromancer as your role model.

"I know you're one of the wisest ponies in Equestria when it comes to magic," said Grogar.

"I'm also the weakest unicorn to ever attend Princess Celestia's school."

"You like to live in the past, don't you?"

"It's easy when you don't have a future."

An awkward pause happened between the two creatures.

Grogar cleared his throat. "They say wisdom is power."

"I wish it was true."

"If power is what you desire..." Grogar stood up, "...power is what you shall receive."

"So what, I just side with you and then you give me everything I've been longing for?" Sunburst released a soft chuckle. "Come on.

"I... Sorry, Grogar, but you don't understand. It's not sheer power that I want, I just want to be useful!"

Grogar rolled his eyes, he knew just what was coming.

"I'm just being a crybaby." Sunburst got up. "It's time I come to terms with my uselessness. I thought I could be a hero, but now I see that it's clear that I'm not made to be the main character in this story. From now on I'll just be the beloved three-dimensional side character, always under the hero's shadow. The sidekick, the assistant, the gentle help–"

JINGLE-JANGLE! Grogar smashed a strange amulet against Sunburst's face.

"W-whaaa...?"

"Don't act like you don't know what this is."

Sunburst wrapped the object in his magic. "I-I mean, I think I've seen it before, but..." He walked his hoof along it. "Oh, I can't quite remember what it's called. Does it start with an... a?"

"Two as. It's called alliteration."

"I know." He examined the amulet. "The amazing and alliterative..."

"...Alicorn Amulet."

And then, the memories came back to Sunburst.

Back in the days of magic school, he would search for ways to boost a unicorn's power. He had a lot of free time, and ended up getting obsessed with it. Of course, there weren't many methods. A few spells, enchanted books and objects. The information was sparse, and one of them was particularly elusive: the Alicorn Amulet.

There was something about it that captivated Sunburst. Maybe its mysterious nature. Maybe his tendency to evil ways. Maybe he just liked shiny things.

Of course, it didn't take long before he realized that dark magic wasn't a viable solution. In the end, the memory ended up buried, just like every other thing he tried in order to not be a complete failure.

Sunburst took a closer look at the amulet. At its wings, its face and the gem in its chest. He could feel its magic. It was giddying. "The Alicorn Amulet..." he began, remembering the words from a book. "Known by little, bearing a power desired by many. Its origins are unknown, and so is its whereabouts...

"It's... incredible! I– I can't– Just–" He turned to Grogar, wordless. "How?"

Grogar smiled pridefully. "I didn't destroy the Damagesparkian Empire just to feed off of the fear of its citizens, you know?" He snatched the amulet from Sunburst. "Although I got to admit that I needed it, it wasn't my priority, no. I was looking for this."

Sunburst's jaw dropped. "All this time... I-it had been in Ponyville?!"

"Close. Everfree Forest." Grogar glared at the amulet. "I was planning to use it myself, however, it turns out it can only be used by your kind."

"Well, of course. It's cursed with alicorn magic. Only an unicorn – or alicorn – possesses the ability to channel such magic. It's logic."

"Shut up."

"Okie dokie."

Grogar took a deep breath. "Obviously, I still need to use it. My time is too precious, I refuse to waste it like that." He closed his eyes, meditating for a few seconds. "...that's why I need you."

Sunburst's jaw dropped further down. The amulet, wrapped in Grogar's bells' magic, danced in front of him.

"You know you want it," singsonged Grogar. "Just agree to work for me. Say yes, and this power will be all yours."

Sunburst shut his eyes. Grogar's offer was tempting. Really tempting. But he couldn't possibly betray everypony like that!

He pushed the amulet away. "No, Grogar. I won't do it."

Grogar scowled. "You've got to be kidding me. You just– I can grant you the power of a god, I can give you all that's missing in your life, and you dare to say no to me?!"

"But it's dark magic! It could corrupt me completely!" He hugged himself. "Oh, it gives me the willies."

Suddenly, Sunburst's ears flickered. Grogar was laughing.

"And why, my little pony, is that a bad thing?"

Limestone commanded to stop the carriage.

Something was wrong.

"What now?" groaned Moondancer.

"Guards," Limestone replied bluntly. Indeed, a few meters ahead, a couple of royal guards were guarding the entrance to the Damagesparkian Empire.

Their uniforms weren't like the ones they would expect from guards in central Equestria... Or in any other part of Equestria. Indeed, they looked like nothing they had seen before. They were knight-like, and consisted almost entirely of somber colors, the only bright color being the red in their helmet's crests. Actually, maybe they had seen them before. In Commander Damagespark's fantasy books.

Aside from that, they just looked like the average royal guards you'd see all around the Canterlot castle.

"Well, that's it." Limestone paced back and forth as she tried to come up with a solution. "We can't pass through those guards. We'll need to find another way in."

"Wait. Can't we tell them Princess Celestia sent us or something? I mean, it's half true."

"I wouldn't dare to go near them, Moondancer. Look at them. They are under Duskhorn's control, in more then one way. Even if we can convince them, they–"

THUMP!

Everypony gasped as they saw Flash Sentry coming out of the carriage.

"I'll go."

"Didn't you hear what I said, pegasus? We can't talk to those guards."

"Trust me in this one! I'm a guard too, I know they will listen to me. Please let me go, ma'am."

To be honest, Limestone didn't trust Flash Sentry. Not for something like that, at least. Still, she considered his request, as she thought it was worth a shot. And so, after a brief moment, she waved her hoof at him, and Flash left in the guards' direction.

Two minutes later he was back with the group, crying uncontrollably.

"Well, it's settled." Limestone looked at Flash. "Is... he ok?"

"Totally," replied Quibble. "Shut up already, they didn't even touch you!"

"But they– they– they really scared me and–" sniff, "–they were very rude!"

Limestone covered her face with one hoof. "Oh, I should have known that would happen... Alright everypony, get in the carriage!" she shouted. "I'll pull from now on."

Flash cleaned his tears. "Y-yeah, okay."

Moondancer, Flash, Quibble and Lightning settled in the carriage, Limestone put on the harness and into the Everfree Forest they went!

When the ponies realized where Limestone had brought them, they all screamed to the top of their lungs. When they were all out of screaming, they limited themselves to embracing each other and shaking in fear. And when they were out of embracing and shaking, they just sat there, waiting for death to reach them.

Moondancer stared at Limestone Pie. Until then, she had been convinced that she only chose to be the leader so she could yell at them and put them to do all the hard work, yet there she was, guiding the group through the dangers of the Everfree Forest while they sat inside the comfy carriage she stole.

She closed her eyes and let herself sink into the velvety seats of the vehicle. Although Moondancer didn't feel sleepy, she thought she would fall asleep right there. The forest was silent. Too silent. She didn't even hear the sound of the carriage's wheels, or Limestone's hooves stomping on the floor. In fact, it didn't feel like the carriage was moving, either.

"Limestone? What's wroOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Moondancer flew off her seat as Limestone dashed through the forest!

"Sorry unicorn, no time to talk. Timberwolves are coming this way."

Right after Limestone said this, a timberwolf jumped out of the bushes. "AWOOO!" he said, standing in front of the carriage.

Limestone didn't bother to stop and instead ran over the poor thing. Moondancer, Lightning, Quibble and Flash looked back at the wolf, and were surprised to see more than a pile of sticks.

"Wait. That kinda looks like..."

"It very much does, Flash. Limestone! We–"

"I said there's no time to talk, Moondancer!"

And there really was no time to talk. Two more timberwolves appeared in front of the group, and were soon joined by the one Limestone had already smashed. She tried to turn left to avoid the wolves, with very bad results. The carriage flew off, and everypony ended up scattered around their not-really-furry enemies.

As soon as the carriage tipped over, Lightning Dust leapt off the ground and into the sky. Without second thought, she flapped her wings and charged against the trio!

"Lightning, wait! Don't!" Moondancer waved her forehooves to catch the pegasus' attention.

"Pssh! Loosen up, bookworm, I know what I'm–"

CRASH! Lightning smashed the timberwolves. She peeked at the pile of sticks, only to realize that it was very much not a pile of sticks.

The wolves growled at Lightning, and she ran off and into the forest.

"I was going to say you can't attack them just like that! Can't you see? They are–"

"We're dead, everypony! Can't you see? They are wearing the same armors we saw some minutes ago! These timberwolves are under Commander Damagesparks' control!"

"Woooow!" cheered Flash Sentry. "Quibble is so smart!"

Quibble smiled, always full of himself. "Why, thank– Wait. Was that sarcasm?"

Moondancer sighed audibly through her nose. "Well, this is great. They found us."

"I guess that's that for the elements of incompetence. How sad."

"I don't want to say this, Quibble, but I'm with y–"

Flash plugged Moondancer's muzzle.

"STOP INTERRU–"

"Do you hear that?"

Indeed, in the spooky stillness of the forest, something was making a sound. Tapping, thumping. Yelling. And it was coming from the carriage.

Quibble, Moondancer and Flash stared at each other.

...

"LIMESTONE PIE!"

They all rushed to the rescue of their feared leader, only to find out that none of the three was strong enough to free Limestone.

"COULD YOU STOP THAT?!" raged Limestone, peeking her snout through the window. "We have bigger problems right now!"

"But we can't–"

"Sh... sh... SH...!"

"I told you to stop that, Flash! I'm not going to shut up!"

"SHE'S NOT WRONG!"

She was, literally, not wrong.

Moondancer's pupils shrank. "Lightning Dust! What did you do?!"

"Well, I kinda... sorta... maybe..." She gulped. "Brought the wolves together into one humongous boy. A little bit."

The wolf roared, causing the birds in the forest to flee in cartoon-like panic.

"L-Limestone...?"

"Moondancer?"

"Come out of that carriage if you don't want us to get potato-mashed."

"No can do. It's up to you now."

"W-what?! But–"

Stomp, stomp, stomp and Flash Sentry cut Moondancer off once again. "Then it's our turn to take a step forward in order to protect this land we call home..." He chuckled softly. "I accept this challenge."

And with one flap of his wings, Flash sent himself up in the air and landed in the timberwolf king's muzzle with a confident attitude that confused even the beast. He stared straight into the wolf's eyes and...

Cried his heart out.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" he yelled through sobs. "Twilight, I know you can hear me! It's me, Flashy, your favorite pegasus! We bumped into each other once in the Crystal Empire, remember? You even said 'hi' to me in one of my dreams and I know it was really you because I've seen Princess Luna do it before!" He dropped to his knees and hugged the timberwolf's face. "Please remember me!"

The timberwolf king's eyes lit up. He sat down, always looking at Flash Sentry. Could it be? Could Flash's heartfelt words make the wolf refrain from attacking them?

Ha! Nope.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" screamed Flash as he flew off, impulsed by a sole swing from the wolf's paw.

"NOW!"

Moondancer turned her head to Limestone Pie. "What?!"

"You heard me. Attack!"

"But-but how? We're four ponies, he's four meters tall! We can't do it without you!"

"Shut up and do something for once! Just destroy him with your magic already, isn't that what you unicorns do?"

"Nngh– Fine!"

Moondancer lowered her head, charging her horn to the top of her abilities. ZAP! She blasted the timberwolf dead in the face and, to her surprise, it wasn't enough to defeat him.

"Bull's-eye!" exclaimed Limestone Pie. "Can you contain him with your magic?"

"I gu–"

"Great. Quibble Pants!"

"Yes, m'lady?"

"Can you tell our pal here about A.K. Yearling's latest book?"

"Oh, where do I start?"

"Lightning Dust! Go get Flash Sentry!"

"On it!"

The timberwolf king scowled and growled, but the elements of incompetence sans four wouldn't give up! He was trapped within Moondancer's magic, with no escape other than waiting for the unicorn to get tired. He covered his ears and grunted, begging for Quibble Pants to stop talking.

"....and as you can see, I think calling this unnamed character – whom I've decided to name Gabble Chants for no significant reason – 'skittish and feeble' was really rude and fairly inaccurate, and I mean, it's not like I know him or anything, that would be ridiculous, and I think I– I mean, Gabble deserved to be in the cover, because you see, he was as much of a hero as Daring Do and Chainsaw Smash, if not more, and well, that's just my opinion but I think it's a correct opinion. And don't even–"

"INCOMIIIIING!"

It's a bird! It's an aerial vehicle yet to be invented in Equestria! No, it's...!

"FLASHBOOOOOOOOOMB!"

And POW! SHEENG! KAPOW! Lightning Dust threw Flash Sentry straight against the timberwolf king, giving him the coup de grace and smashing him to bits!

The ponies watched in awe as sticks and splinters rained down over the forest, blessing them with peace and sawdust at last.

"Everypony get in the carriage NOW!"

Moondancer, Flash Sentry, Quibble Pants and Lightning Dust turned around, and were all surprised to see both Limestone Pie and the carriage safe and sound and ready to go.

"Wait– You could've got out of that thing by yourself whenever you wanted?!" yelled Moondancer, confused. "How– What– Why?"

"Ha. I saw it coming," bragged Quibble.

"Pfft, yeah," replied Lightning Dust. "How so?"

"Well, first, Limestone Pie is strong enough to smash three carriages combined. Second, We all pulled from that thing! It just seemed strange that we couldn't s..."

That night, the moon came out quickly, steadily, maybe even eagerly. Upon seeing it, anypony would think it was taking advantage of the sun's weary condition.

After their eventful encounter with the timberwolves, the elements of incompetence settled behind a small, lovely house near Ponyville. There they sat, discussing the next step of their road to failure.

"You know, some fire would look real pretty right here," suggested Quibble, shivering. "To, I don't know, warm this place up? I'm freezing!"

"No fire," replied Limestone. "We can't stick our necks out like that. That fight against the timberwolves was already too much risk."

"I still can't believe we beat those nasty piles of brushwood!" Flash flapped his wings in excitement. "I feel like I can do anything!"

Lightning Dust leaned back against the wall and let out a pleased sigh. "Yeah, I knew we could do this."

"I could've never done it without you!" He reached Lightning and Quibble and hugged them tightly. "I love you guys! You know, I'm really starting to feel like we're a team here!"

Quibble Pants and Lightning Dust chuckled nervously as they struggled to break out of Flash's hooves.

Limestone gazed at the group with a content smile. "Well, don't you feel it too?" she said to Moondancer, striking her softly.

Moondancer stared at the floor in thoughtful silence. Limestone struck her again, a little harder, seeking to catch her attention.

"Hm?"

"I said, don't you feel it too?" Limestone settled back. "Say, is something bugging you?"

"No, nothing." She shrugged. "Just thinking."

Limestone Pie arched an eyebrow.

"This is what you meant when you said we're missing something, isn't it? Valor. Motivation. You pushed us to do something we didn't think we could do." She looked at Limestone. "It's what a leader does, right?"

She replied with a slow nod. "I just figured you needed to get some work done."

"But why? It's not like we're doing something big. Our only purpose here is to fail."

"If we're going to fail, we can at least do it right."

Moondancer groaned softly.

"You know, unicorn... I think you need to change the way you see this. Sure, it may not seem difficult or big, but it is important. We are important. We can't make a poor job just because it doesn't seem like a big deal!"

"I... guess."

"Look. Some tasks, as insignificant as they are, can be very fulfilling as long as you work hard." Limestone stared straight into Moondancer's eyes. "Take it from the pony who works at a rock farm."

Moondancer giggled with newfound relief. "Alright," she said.

Then the two ponies just stared at the others for a moment.

"I was wrong about all of you," said Limestone, then paused for a second. "You aren't incompetent, no. You just needed a little push."

"Thank you," replied Moondancer with a smile. "I was wrong about you, too. I think you're going to be a great leader."

Limestone smiled in return. "Thanks."

"Although..." Moondancer scratched the back of her neck, "I do have to ask, why did we come to the Damagesparkian Empire? I'm not sure we should be here."

"Oh, trust me. I've got a plan."

"How lovely!"

Everypony froze on their spots, unwilling to look at whoever said that. Their sudden partner giggled.

"Why, may I know what this little plan of yours is?"