The Carnivore Cooking Contest!

Applejack read the small, neat writing again, and frowned.

“We’re low on bits again?” she asked, throwing a hand up in exasperation. Beside her, peering down over her shoulder, her brother nodded solemnly.

“YYyyyup.” He confirmed. He watched as his sister read over the financial calculations he had done once more. Bic Mac knew it was true, though, just as it had been the last few times they had started to run out money. The giant red stallion waited patiently for his sister to reach the same conclusion he had. After a few minutes of careful rereading and hopeful inquiries, Applejack sighed and nodded.

“Well, shoot. Ah guess that new farm equipment cost more than ah thought.” She said, looking up at Big Mac. He remained silent. “Then again, you kinda said that at the time didn’t you?”

“Yyyyyup” said Big Macintosh. The orange mare smiled, crossing her arms in resignation.

“Well, guess ah know a quick and easy fix to this.” She said. “At least Pinkie’ll be happy, right? And if we’re lucky I’ll have something to bring home with me too. That’d be just swell for y’all here, huh?”

“Yyyyyup.”

Applejack went next door to her own room. After quickly putting on her jacket and getting herself presentable, Applejack inspected herself in the mirror. She wondered exactly what she’d look like when she came home now. The last few times she’d gotten away with it looking relatively fine, but…

“Hey, going out Sis?”

AJ turned and seen her teenage sister standing in the doorway, munching cheerfully on an apple. Applejack walked over and ruffled Applebloom’s red hair, making her back out of the room and letting the older mare pass.

“Yup, seeing Pinkie Pie again.”said Applejack. This statement inspired a grin from her sister, who started to trail excitedly behind her as she walked down the hallway towards the stairs.

“Ooh, ooh, think you can bring anything nice home with you again? That casserole we made last time was to die for!”

“Ah’ll see what I can do, sugurcube. Now get. And don’t tell Granny nothing, let Big Mac do the talking while I’m gone.”

“He ain’t exactly one for talking, Applejack.”

“You know what ah mean! Back in a jiffy!”

Applebloom went to the window and watched her beloved big Sis walk down the pathway out of the farm, heading out towards Ponyville. Her mind started to get ahead of itself, and she found herself fantasizing about potential future treats. Everyone loved Pinkie’s products, after all. Would she be lucky enough to try one of her famous pies, perhaps? Applebloom bit deeply into her apple to sate the hunger that had suddenly descended onto her. It didn’t help.

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It was the same old Ponyville that quiet, sunny morning. This wasn’t a complaint from Applejack, as she was a girl who always appreciate the value of a working watch remaining un-mended. She trod down the familiar old streets and seen the faces of the ponies she knew so well, greeting them in turn.

“Mornin’, Ms Cheerilee! Enjoy your day off, now!” she said to the passing earth mare, who flashed her a big grin as she headed off to do…well, whatever it was Ms Cherilee done on her days off. Applejack made a note to ask her next time she seen her.

“Good morning, Applejack!” said a voice from up high. Applejack looked up and waved at a grey-furred, golden-eyed pegasus floating haphazardly in the air above, clutching a bag stuffed full of letters.

“And a fine morning to you too, Derpy!” said the earth mare, tipping her hat as Derpy flew on past. As Applejack got nearer to Sugurcube Corner, she saw two mares chatting away. One was a minty green unicorn who was in the middle of chewing on a chocolate muffin, and the other was a robot. Looked like one of Ponyville’s most well-known couples had just payed Pinkie a visit!

“Morning girls. Nice day, huh?” she said, casually greeting the pair.

“Oh, hello Applejack!” said the green mare, after swallowing her food. The robot beside her was painted cream, with a pink and purple metallic mane. She was also wearing a rather fetching summer dress that matched her “fur”.

“Nice to see you, AJ!” said Bon-Bon, her voice ringing out of unseen speakers with the slightest hint of distortion. “Going to see Pinkie again?”

“Yup, need a little bit injection if you know what I mean, so gonna see what ah can do for her.”

“Hehe, well don’t let me of all ponies stop you!” replied the robotic mare, giggling along with her companion and the farm pony. The three mare parted company, Applejack sighing happily as the two marefriends went their own way. She wondered how she would look if that was how things went that far. Well, no point thinking too much about it, she thought to herself. Needs must. Still smiling, Applejack entered Sugurcube corner, and was met almost instantly by the very girl she had come to see.

“Well goooood morning there, Applejack!”

By the counter stood the bouncing, bubbly ball of energy known as Pinkie Pie. She was wearing a bright pink shirt that was probably slightly too small for her, her mid-drift on full display and her sizeable cleavage bulging out from underneath her shirt. Applejack sauntered over to the counter, taking her hat off.

“Howdy, Pinkie! How’s business?”

“Oh, Applejack! It’s never been better!” exclaimed the pink earth mare, leaning down and resting her face on her elbows on the counter. Pinkie was a natural smiler, ,but lately she had been even happier and livelier than before. Right now she was smiling so wide it threatened to split her face n two. “Ever since I opened up the extra shop it seems like we get more customers everyday! Oh, and I got a new box of herbs and sauces and stuff like the griffons use, and I have So. Many. Ideas!”

“Hah, well that’s super, Pinkie! Ah just know whatever you come up with next is gonna be terrific.” Said Applejack, sincerely.

“Thanks, AJ! So, uh…can I help you?” asked Pinkie Pie, a subtle but definite knowing tone applied to her voice. Applejack nodded.

“Well, talking ‘bout business…” she said, blushing a little as she revealed her reason for coming. Applejack was not a pony to ask for help-the reason she was here rather than asking for a loan or anything was simple. With Pinkie, she was engaging in a transaction. That made it feel less like asking for money and more like a mutual favour. Just friends helping friends, really. “We might kinda need a few more bits at the farm, and ah know you’ve got the bits to spare, so thought we could, you know, do business again?”

“YES!” cried Pinkie, punching the air. She froze, then coughed. “I mean, hah, sure, why not? Follow me!” She eagerly stepped out behind the counter and went across to another door, which had been recently built into the store. She opened it and stepped through, humming a bright and chipper tune to herself as she went. Applejack followed her inside into a small hallway, hastily painted a bright pink colour and lit by a single, flickering bulb.

“Ya know, this place could use a little something to make it kinda homelier. A painting or something.”

“Heehee, yeah! You sound like Rarity or something.” Laughed Pinkie Pie, as they reached the end of the corridor. She opened the door at the end. The room inside was pitch black. “Well, after you, Applejack! I’m right behind you!” AJ stepped into the darkened room. The noise of the street outside, which you could usually hear inside the bakery section of Sugurcube corner, was completely absent, and the only sound seemed to be a sort of dripping noise coming from inside the room.

“I’ve got a super fun surprise for you, Applejack!” giggled Pinkie from somewhere behind the farmer. There was a loud clicking noise, and suddenly the room was bathed in a weak, yellow light. The two other main colours that stuck out inside this room were silver and red. The silver came from a variety of wicked looking blades that seemed to be found anywhere, gleaming ominously. Knives of different sizes and shapes were lying on various metallic work surfaces and even hung up around the walls. Nasty looking hooks hung from the ceiling from chains, swinging slowly and menacingly.

But no matter where you looked, you couldn’t escape from the overwhelming red taint that covered the room. On the blades, the hooks, the surfaces, the floor and the walls, from relatively bright reds to darker, grimier shades…Applejack felt her head spinning as she took it all in, not even the door behind her shut tight. She just about managed to focus on what was lying on the table. Red, raw-looking chunks lay scattered haphazardly on the table, and right in the centre, stained slightly red, sat what was unmistakably a pony’s skull.

“Pinkie Pie…” said Applejack, in quiet voice. She turned around to the pink earth mare, who stood by the door, now wearing an apron that may once have been white, but no longer. She giggled.

“Yes, Applejack?” she asked, acting with her usual cheerfulness, in stark contrast to everything else and her friend’s shocked demeanour. The orange mare pressed on, pointing a finger right at her.

“You…you…you’ve not been cleaning yer butchering room right at all!” she said, exasperated, throwing her arms around in an attempt to indicate pretty much the entire room. “Look at the walls, there’s blood everywhere! You know better than to leave this place in such a state!”

“I know, really I do, but those stains are so hard to scrub out!” whined Pinkie, looking embarrassed as she looked around the room. “I really have tried. I think I’ll have to ask Twilight if she has some kind of super-duper cleaning spell or something. Or Rarity, she’d know something like that, right?”

“You better hope so.” Said Applejack, before picking up a meat cleaver lying on the counter next to the hunks of meat.”And You better not be using those bloody knives, either, that’d be unhygienic as all heck!”

“Of course not! Why do you think I have so many knives lying around!” replied the baker turned butcher, gesturing to the assortment of sharp implements that decorated the room. “Besides, I’m working on a solution to the whole “getting blood everywhere” thing, don’t worry! Soon sticky floors and dirty knives will be a thing of the past! Well, at least in here.”

“It can’t be –that- hard to wash out a knife, Pinkie.”

“Ok, so maaaaybe I kinda forgot to wash them from time to time because I, say, got caught up organizing Gummy’s surprise birthday party. Or because I had an idea for a song about parties. Or…” Applejack buried her face in her palm as her friend rattled off her brain’s various distractions. Then, AJ picked up the grinning skull that was also lying on the counter. The top had been crudely sawed off, and was missing. AJ turned it around in her hands and staring into the empty eye-sockets.

“Who’s is this, then?” she asked, showing it to Pinkie.

“Carrot Top, first thing this morning! She saw Bon-Bon’s new look and came straight here, she told me.Ooo, his is hers too, actually!” Pinkie pointed at the meat next to the skull. “She had more on her that you might think, so I left that there while I worked with her other meat!”

“Pinkie, pretty sure you should put that in a fridge or something.” Said AJ, prodding the wet red slices with her finger. Pinkie blinked.

“…You’re right! Thanks, AJ! I need to get one installed in here, actually. That’d be super convenient.”

“Ah’d say you need a lot of work done in this place. It ain’t exactly cosy.” Said the farmer, idly fingering one of the hooks that hung from the ceiling. “Folks might get the wrong impression.”

“Oh Applejack, people know I’m not that sort of pony!” laughed Pinkie Pie, picking up the Carrot Top meat and moving towards the door. “BRB!” The pink pony walked off, leaving Applejack alone in the mini abattoir. Pinkie might be the best darn cook in Ponyville (and as a proud baker herself Applejack did not say that lightly) but she was still getting the hang of being a full-time professional butcher, it seemed.

Applejack decided that this would be a good time to get herself ready, and started to disrobe. Her jacket, shirt and jeans were quickly removed, and AJ put them in a relatively neat pile in the corner of the room, where there wasn’t quite so much blood. By the time Pinkie Pie came back, the orange mare was stark naked in the middle of the room, which neither mare treated as being out of the ordinary. Nor did anyone mention the large stitch mark that run from just above her pubic mound to right beneath her ribcage. AJ walked towards what looked like a medical pulley and sat down on in, Pinkie arriving next to her holding one of the clean kitchen knives.

“So! Any suggestions?” she asked, pointing the sharp blade at various parts of the seated mare’s anatomy.

“Uh, Pinkie, forgetting something?” asked AJ. Pinkie looked at her, confused, before the light bulb went off above her head.

“Oh Celestia, I almost forgot the potions!” she said, dropping the knife and shooting off around the room, opening and closing several cupboard doors. Eventually she found what she was looking for, rushing back holding two bottles in her hands. One, which Applejack was already familiar with, was filled with a bright red liquid. The other, smaller one, which was a mixture of red and white like a strange, exotic cocktail, was new.

“Adding something new in, Pinkie?” asked AJ. Pinkie nodded, smiling, as she uncorked each bottle.

“Zecora says that this one-“she shook the red and white potion in her hand-“stops the bleeding. Like I told you, remember?” Applejack felt slightly relieved. The first potion got rid of the pain and probably made the whole thing doable in the first place, but pain or not, having to deal with all that blood was never pleasant. “Besides, I’ve got enough black pudding now to last for years, haha!”

AJ down each potion one after the other. The first one went down tasting vaguely like tomatoes, which was acceptable if a little strong. The second one, however…

“Blurgh.”

“Oh don’t be a baby, drink up!” After the deed was done, Pinkie picked up her butchers knife again and approached the naked mare.

“Ready to give up those gammon steaks of yours?”

“Pinkie, I ain’t giving up any limbs, we talked about this after the first time.” Said AJ, her arms subconsciously flexing and showing off the impressive musculature structure that lay beneath her fur. The pride she had in her strength was well known to anyone that knew her, so this news shouldn’t have come as any kind of shock to Pinkie. Nevertheless, she continued to try her luck.

“Oh come on, pleeeease? I’ve been practicing my roasts, and your legs would be perfect with some honey-glaze and veggies. Mmm, can’t you just imagine it?” Pinkie took a moment to savor the fantasy of cooking her friend’s legs, a hint of drool appearing at the corner of her mouth. Applejack had to admit that it sounded pretty good, but she shook her head free of the thought.

“Ain’t the point, sugurcube. It’s hard to explain, but just wouldn’t ever feel right getting rid of the old girls. We’ve got a good working relationship.”

“But Rarity could make you ever betterer legs!” countered Pinkie. “And the same for your arms! You’ve seen the kind of prosphetics she’s making, imagine how many trees you could buck with robo-legs!”. She stroked one of the long, thick limbs with her hand, fingers pressing into the flesh, feeling out the muscle. The leg gently, but forcefully repelled the hand away.

“I keep telling you, it’s not the point. Ya get that, right?” said Applejack, imploringly. Pinkie eventually nodded, taking her hand away from the leg.

“Oh Applejack, I’m sorry for trying to pressure you into it. I won’t ask again, Pinkie Promise!” She did the usual ritual to make the promise official, then turned her attention back to Applejack. “But there’s still plenty meat I can take! Hmm…” she wandered around the sitting mare, stroking her chin as she tried to think what she could do with the farmer. Applejack felt like she should feel more nervous about the situation, but she knew she could trust her friend. In fact she had just the very idea what to give, one that now seemed obvious in hindsight.

Reaching down to the stitchmarks that rose in a line vertically along her belly, Applejack started to undo them. The stitches had been left loose for this exact reason, as both she and Pinkie knew when they had been made that sooner or later they’d be back in for more. After some minutes of unthreading, Applejack’s abdomen was now visibly opened, a deep gash going down her stomach with something peeking out from underneath. Pinkie knew exactly where this was going.

“Of course, how could I have overlooked those, of all things!” said the butcher, slapping her forehead with her knife-hand and almost giving herself an accidental lobotomy in the process. “Might as well finish the job, right?”

“That’s about what I was thinking, hon” drawled AJ. Lying down fully on the pulley, she put her hands inside the wound and spread it wide. Pink, fleshy tubes were exposed, sitting in among what looked like other organs, although they had a strange, unnatural look about them, assuming one knew what internal organs were meant to look like-they were shiny without looking organic, firm without seeming as squishy as you might expect. Of course this was not a surprise to either of the mares present. After all, they already knew that the partially disemboweled farmer had artificial organs. Pinkie stuck her face closer, looking at the insides on display.

“Nice to see everything’s in working order!”

“Pinkie, ah think I’d know if my lungs weren’t working right. Or my heart, too.”

“Hehe, fair enough!” chirped Pinkie, before suddenly looking thoughtful. “Heeey, how come you get all sentimental over your limbs but not your heart? That’s like, the most sentimental bit of all!”

“That’s a matter of opinion! I can’t grow attached to bits of me ah’ve never seen before, can I?” said Applejack, which seemed to satisfy her butcherer. Pinkie reached her hands in and scooped out the coils of intestine that lay inside, which at this point were some of the few organic organs left inside AJ.

“It’s like spaghetti! But thicker and pinker.” Observed Pinkie.

“Heh, you really are an expert cook with educated observations like that.” Chuckled AJ, as she watched her friend gut her, carving away the loops of intestine with the knife. After separating one end from the artificial stomach that had been installed after the last session, Pinkie leaned in until he head was almost inside AJ’s torso.

“This might feel funny, so get ready!” she said. Bracing herself, Applejack felt the knife cut something free just behind her butthole. It was as warned a pretty strange feeling, but it hadn’t been too long ago when AJ had temporary not been able to breathe after getting her lungs cut out, so in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t too bad. She sat up after Pinkie had moved away, and seen the tray that was filled with her own entrails. Her abdominal area was now almost completely empty save for two things. There was her spine, white and hard and climbing up into her ribcage. And, hanging out of her wound, there was a small, pink fleshy organ with two white little balls hanging off the sides. AJ cupped it in her hands, drawing the attention of Pinkie.

“Ooh, don’t mind if I do!” said the pink mare, reaching a hand down towards the pink organ. Her face was swiftly met with a protective orange palm.

“Hold yer horses, ah didn’t say you could have this either.” Said Applejack, still cradling her womb with one hand. Pinkie groaned.

“Oh come on, how picky can one girl be! I can’t get your arms, your legs, and now I can’t even get your womb!” she said, waving the knife about in a way that made AJ lean backwards lest she add her nose to Pinkie’s harvest by accident. “Do you know how popular that little bitty bit of you is? Lyra told me it was the best thing she’s ever tasted!”

“Huh. Always thought it’d be kinda rubbery.” Said AJ, giving the womb a tiny squeeze and shuddering a little. “Oooh, better not do that again. In public.” She said quietly. “Still, it’s my womb, and my decision. No deal.”

“I’ll throw in some free piiiiies!”

“Nnnnope.”

“Ok, how about this: Leave the womb, but I just make a quick little cut just below and-“

“Yer not taking mah pussy either Pinkie. I shouldn’t even have to explain why.”

“Awwww…” Applejack stood (or rather, sat) like an immovable pillar of stone against the tides of Pinkie’s pleading, and the latter quickly realised that this was just another of her friend’s weird hang-ups about selling her own body parts for meat. She wasn’t going to judge, though. As AJ had said, it was her body after all.

“Well, if we’re done today I guess we can just go back through and give you your well-earned bits! The you can go over to see Rarity and get some new guts in. Those potions only help you live for so long, remember.“

“Er, yeah, kind of a grim reminder there, Pinkie. Ah won’t forget, promise.” Applejack went to sit up, and then hesitated. “Hold on a second, how many bits are those worth?” asked the farmer, pointing to the tray full of entrails. Pinkie produced a calculator from…somewhere

“Well, let’s see…hmm…well I’d need to weight them first to get the real answer, but from personal experience…” she hammered into the keys of the calculator, face screwing up in thought as she did whatever sums she was doing to arrive at a sum. “About fifty bits?”

“What the-fifty bits?! That’s all?” said Applejack, sitting up and eyeing the pile of guts. “I reckoned it would be near double that!”

“Sorry AJ, it’s just what they’d go for after I turn them into sausages.” replied Pinkie, shrugging apologetically. “I could put apple bits through them and make them a special, but even then…” The two of them looked at each other, arriving at the same conclusion: more meat was required. Applejack looked down and stared at the first thing she could see. So did Pinkie. Again, they seemed to both think the same thing at the same time.

“I suppose…compared to the alternatives…ah could live without these.” Said Applejack eventually, cupping her breasts with her hands. Hers were round and full without being “big”, in the same way that some of her friends were (Rarity was the undisputed queen on that front). Pinkie walked over, tried to hide her clear excitement over the thought of harvesting her friend’s boobs, and failed.

“Oooh, I have just the perfect idea for these!” she said, bringing the flat side of the knife up so that it was lifting the left breast up.

“Are ya gonna stuff them with apples?” asked Applejack, deadpan.

“Wow, how’d you guess?”

“Call it intuition.” There was a few moments pause, with Pinkie still lifting the boob up and down the knife, until eventually it became apparent that this was going to be happening. Whistling another one of her happy little tunes, Pinkie grabbed hold of the mound of fleshy with one hand and began sawing upwards. The razor sharp knife cut through in no time at all, and soon she was holding a severed tit in her hands. She placed it on a workbench and went to work on the other one, giving Applejack no time to change her mind about the process.

Watching it all happen, the orange country mare felt mixed emotions over her debreasting. She knew that Rarity, with her new side business of providing increasingly realistic and always stylish prosthetics, would likely be able to provide some sort of replacement. That mare had been working wonders ever since Pinkie had went into business-heck it seemed more and more ponies were volunteering, and a big reason for that was the assurance of a replacement for whatever limb or other bodypart they chose to butcher. But, as established, Applejack had her sentimental ways. She felt a little sad seeing two special parts of her sitting on a tray like sacks of meat-which is what they were now, basically.

“There, all done!” said Pinkie, wiping her knife clean. “And hey, no blood! That potion worked great!”

“Yup. Heh, I was just talking to Zecora the other day actually. Heard something that might interest you.” Said AJ, getting up and starting the process of dressing herself. “Something ‘bout a “carnivore cuisine contest”, taking place up in Canterlot. Folks from all over Equestria might be showing up. Dragons, Griffins, that kind of crowd.” Pinkie gave out a little gasp, as the dormant but still present competitive streak started to wake. The idea of her work being judged on a national scale excited her greatly.

“Oooh, I’ll have to go check that out with Zecora! Is there a prize?”

“Well…” Said Applejack, who was back in her jeans. “Ah think it was something ‘bout cooking for the princesses?” The farmer went to clasp her bra back on, before looking down at the way the cups hung down limply over two flat, red circles. Shrugging, she dropped the unneeded garment and went to get her shirt on instead. “Might make for a mighty fine evening, at least. Hope there’s a crowd so we can see you do yer thing! Assuming you ain’t cooking us, that is.”

“Heehee, right!” laughed Pinkie, who was now carrying a tray filled with soon to be sausages and two delicious, plump breasts. The two mares disappeared out of the abattoir, shutting the door right behind them. Pinkie had a little spring in her step as she carried her harvest to the kitchens. Now was time for the real fun part. What was better, she wondered: roasted, grilled or fried?

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Later that day, around dinner time, a lone figure made her way inside the farmhouse at Sweet Apple Acres carrying a white box in her arms. When she opened the door, she was greeted with the delicious aroma of Granny Smith’s homemade cooking-it appeared that she had timed her arrival home perfectly. Walking into the dining room, she seen the family sitting down to dinner. There was even a place at the table set for her. She greeted everyone and took her place at the table, seeing her box to one side and opening it. Inside were 4 large, white cupcakes with an orange topping. Vanilla and orange flavoring, Pinkie had said.

"Oh wow, you brought some of Pinkie's famous cupcakes!" said Applebloom, making to grab one before getting a slap on the wrist from Granny.

"Not until after yer supper, Applebloom!"

"Sorry..."

When asked about her day by Granny, Applejack simply told her she had been working for Pinkie, and showed off a nice big bag full of bits as proof.

“Just a bit of extra work before Winter Wrap-Up. Should leave us sitting pretty all season.” She had said, to much nodding and words of approval from all present. She was aware that her brother and sister were studying her careful, no doubt trying to figure out what that work had entailed exactly. It wasn’t until after dinner that Applebloom caught up with her upstairs.

“So, Sis” said the younger sibling, cautiously. “Can’t help but notice that your..well…your chest…” she trailed off a little, but it was obvious what she was referring too. The older Apple sibling just chuckled.

“Heh, guess it’s pretty obvious, huh.” She said. “Truth is, I’m surprised Granny didn’t spot it during dinner.”

“Yeah, I know!” agreed Applebloom. “They’re way bigger now!” It was an exaggeration, but it was definitely noticeable if you had known Applejack before her visit to Pinkie Pie that morning. Applejack looked down and caressed them through the fabric of her shirt, marvelling at how real they felt.

“Now don’t go getting the wrong idea, this ain’t me trying to outdo Rarity or nothing.” She said, matter of factly. “She’s still bigger than me, just so you know. There’s a practical reason behind this.”

“Uh…sure, Applejack.”

“I meant it! I’ll show you tomorrow. Let’s just say it’s gonna be nice having cider on tap, as it were. Hehehe…”