(OLD) One More Won't Hurt...

by Moonatik

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sex, Profanity, Random, Slice of Life, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3372

Rainbow Dash convinces Twilight to go out drinking for the night, this can only go well...

Please note, this is a story I wrote as a dumb kid. It's kinda bad in my opinion, but you might like it.

Rainbow Dash has taken each of friends out drinking at least once or twice, except for Twilight. How does she behave when she's drunk? Someone's about to get more than what they bargained for...

Detailed content warnings: Excessive alcoholic consumption, non-descriptive violence, drunk sex, groping, lots of profanity.

Proofread by Snorlaxkid.

Cover image sources:
Twilight Sparkle Vector
Mug of Cider
Beer BG (Note: I do not endorse or condemn this article, it's just where I found the picture.)

Published 2018-03-26 18:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-03-26 18:50:06 UTC

One More Won't Hurt...

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Twilight asked, "I have a lot of paperwork to get through tonight... "

Rainbow Dash laughed, "Relax, Twilight!" she said as she flew over the streets of Ponyville leading Twilight to where the pair would be spending their evening, "You've been doing nothing but work for the past month, you gotta relax!"

They landed on the street below when Twilight turned towards her companion and replied "I know, but I have a lot of responsibilities now! Even just taking one evening off cou- "

"Shut up, we're here!" Rainbow Dash interrupted, the two looked up at the building before them and read the sign above the door, "The Boozy Barn, best pub in Ponyville!" Dash said as she began to walk inside, "Come on!"

They entered the pub and the two mares began to process their surroundings, Rainbow Dash took in the cheerful atmosphere and smiled at the smell of the fresh cider straight from Applejack's farm. Meanwhile, Twilight was immediately taken aback by the drunken shouting and the sight of somepony puking into the bin, understandably it all seemed rather unappealing to her.

"This?" Twilight questioned, "This is the best pub in Ponyville?"

"Well, it's only the pub in Ponyville, which makes it the best by default," Rainbow Dash corrected.

They sat down in front of the bar, Rainbow Dash raised her hoof and requested, "Two pints of cider, please!"

"Howdy Rainbow! Two ciders coming right up!" Applejack replied, "Hiya Twilight! Never seen you here before!"

"Applejack? You run a pub?" Twilight asked, bewildered.

"Big Mac runs it on weekends, and I run it Monday through Friday." Applejack explained, "It's a lil' more reliable for makin' money than sellin' apples."

Applejack passed two full glasses of apple cider across the table, Rainbow Dash grasped the glass and took a huge swig, swallowing almost half the drink in one swift motion. Twilight, however just stared at her cider, motionless. "Heh, what's the matter Twi?" Rainbow asked.

"Look, Rainbow, I only ever drink on holidays, and even then only a little bit!" Twilight answered.

"Uh, why's that?"

"Because, A. It's silly to drink for the sake of drinking on any old evening," Twilight explained, "and B. I act really... irrational, when I'm drunk... "

Rainbow Dash started to chuckle, "What do you mean 'irrational', Twi?"

"I mean, I- uh- "

Then Rainbow's chuckle turned into a laugh, "Don't tell me, show me! Show don't tell! First rule of storytelling!"

Twilight levitated her glass up to her face, "Well, alright... " she responded, before sipping the cider, then drinking it, and finally chugging the whole glass. She slammed the empty container down onto the bar and licked her lips to savour any drops of cider that missed her mouth.

"Whaddya think, Twi?" Rainbow asked.

"That was... nice," Twilight replied, "Could I, uh... Have another one?"

"So, like, a drunk Rarity is the most boring thing ever, but also the most awesome thing ever." Rainbow took another sip out of her glass. "She never says anything to anyone, even if you start to boop her nose, which is kinda fun. But, this is the fun part, but out of nowhere she grabs the nearest stallion and shouts 'fuck me as hard as you can, darling'! Heh, it's quite the sight."

"Wow, fascinating, I should be writing this down." Levitating a pen to a hoofkerchief, Twilight began to transcribe Rainbow Dash's stories about her friends. "Oh, wait, I'm drunk, I forgot that you can't write when you're drunk." Well, okay, she tried to transcribe those stories.

"Haha, cool, so, a drunk Pinkie Pie is either some kind of Super-Pinkie that can break the 4th wall, and then build a 5th and 6th wall and smash those up. Or, her hair gets all droopy." Rainbow Dash emptied her cider into her mouth before continuing her tale. "Then she goes on about being 'cancelled' or something, really freaky stuff."

"Cool story, also her fears aren't exactly unfounde- urp-!" Twilight let out a nasty burp, a burp so nasty that I can't find an appropriate adjective to describe it. "Agh, sorry... Hey Apple- uh- Applejane! Another cider, please? Heh, go Twilight, even when you're drunk as fuck you're still polite."

While pouring another pint and passing it to the intoxicated princess, Applejack let out a light chuckle. "Heheheh, you wanna know what ahm like when ahm drunk, Twi?"

Emptying the contents of the glass down her throat, Twilight replied with a "Yeah, alright."

"Well... Here ya go, sugarcube."

Applejack crossed her front hooves and held her head high, and for the next few moments she stood completely still as her eyes shut and a smug smile found itself on her lips.

" ...I don't get it." Twilight said.

"The joke is," Rainbow Dash burped, "she's, like, the most alcohol re- uh, resist- most alcohol resisting pony in Equestria. Drunk AJ is just like sober AJ"

Lowering her head and opening her eyes, Applejack replied with a chuckle, "Ah could be drunk right now for all y'all know!"

After that little skit, Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared a laugh, but their interaction didn't last long as two idiots somewhere else in the bar started a hoof-fight over something so stupid that I'd be doing a disservice to my readers if I exposed them to such utter nonsense.

"Oh for- One-minute fellas, I've ah kerfuffle to un...fuffle." On that note, Applejack lept from behind the bar and bolted towards the drunken conflict. "Break it up, boys!"

Soon, Applejack's job was no longer to break up a fight between these two ponies but to control the chaotic brawl that had just begun in her pub out of seemingly nowhere. Glasses were smashed, manes were pulled, chairs were thrown, ears were bitten, teeth were knocked out, and backsides were kicked. Applejack had to resort to triple wielding lasoos to pacify this riot.

While this may have been a nightmare for poor Applejack, for Rainbow Dash, it was the most entertaining thing she'd seen in weeks. Rainbow would remember tonight as 'The Battle of the Boozy Barn', another story to add to her collection of alcoholic anecdotes, as these thoughts ran through her head she couldn't help but pat herself on the back for thinking up of such witty alliteration.

Though, as she lifted her front hooves to give herself a brief ego boost, she felt someone else's hoof reach over her back, a feeling that was quickly followed by pressing sensation on her cheek. To Rainbow Dash's surprise, but simultaneously not, Twilight had suddenly begun cuddling Dash, and was rubbing her face against Rainbow's cheek. Then, she began to rub her whole body against Rainbow Dash.

"He- huh, you're a little cutie aren't you, Dashie?" Twilight murmured, "So, heh, warm and soft... "

While Rainbow couldn't exactly tell what Twilight said, she was without a doubt unsettled. "Uh, what?" Rainbow asked, she tried to push Twilight away, but not only was Twilight's grip on her body too strong to shake, Rainbow kinda liked being cuddled like this. Even though she knew that Twilight was drunk as a pony could possibly be, she didn't want to stop whatever she was trying to do, it was nice. Rainbow Dash began to shut her eyes and embrace her friend's cuddling, until...

"Eep!"

Dash's eyes shot open. Was Twilight doing what she thought she was doing? Dash looked down towards her body, and her fears were confirmed. Twilight had begun rubbing her crotch, and that circling hoof was getting closer and closer to her clit. To make matters worse, Rainbow Dash began to feel soft little presses on the side of her face. Yep, Twilight was both groping and kissing one of her closest friends.

Dash put two and two together and figured that this was what Twilight meant by "irrational", she had also decided that she wasn't gonna have any of this. Shoving Twilight away with all the drunken force she had, Rainbow Dash regained sovereignty over her own body. "Alright, heh, no thanks, y-ya fuckin weirdo... "

Somehow managing to balance herself on her barstool after that push, Twilight's face dropped. "Right, okay, cool, fine, ugh," Twilight mumbled, "I uh, need a, fuckin, toilet." With that, Twilight fell off of her seat and stumbled towards the bathroom. Rainbow Dash had ceased the give a damn, even if she was still a tad weirded out. To be fair, Twilight's had at least 8 pints of cider tonight, and she even gave prior warning to what her drunk self behaved like, even though alicorns are meant to have a strengthened resistance to alcohol.

Swinging open the door to the bathroom, Twilight spotted a roughed up stallion looking into the mirror over the sink, and almost immediately Twilight knew what her next action would be. "Hey, hunky fella," she called, "you look like you're in need of some fun~." Unsurprisingly, this caught the poor stallion's attention, hearing a sexually suggestive mare's voice while in the little colt's room isn't something that happens every day.

"Wh- What the fuhuhuh- Princess fuckin' Twilight?" the anonymous stallion returned, "Wh- Wh- What- Why- Uh- Shit, uh-," but before the stallion could continue his confused babblings, Twilight put her hoof to his lips and shushed him up.

"Hey honey, calm down." Twilight's hooves then found themselves firmly wrapped around the anonymous stallion's body. "Now, do you wanna fuck me like there's no tomorrow or what?"

Speechless, the stallion could only stare at the princess, this was either a hungry changeling coming to feed or the Princess of Friendship herself wanting to fuck some random stallion in the restroom of a dirty tavern. After several moments of silence, the stallion decided to assume the more optimistic scenario and spoke up. "Yes. Yes, I would like that."

"Eheh, good." Twilight replied with a drunken chuckle, using her magic she attempted to pull down the stallion's pants, but using magic is expectedly difficult while you're drunk, so she found herself spending the next minute or so pulling at the stallion's clothing. "Uh- Wait, let me- No- Ugh! Hmm!- Aha! Per-ugh-fect!"

"...Twilight you just ripped my pants in half," the stallion noted, "and I really liked this pair!"

"Oh, shut- ugh, you're fuckin a fuckin princess tonight so don't fuckin complain, alright?" Twilight mumbled.

Hearing such dirty language out of one of Equestria's most respected and accomplished ponies was shocking to the unassuming stallion, but also quite arousing. As the princess began to inspect the stallion's penis, she noticed how quickly it grew and how wet it was, this boy was ready to bang.

"First, a warmup." Twilight slid down the stallion's body so that her face met his crotch, with little hesitation she stuck out her tongue and started to lick his cock. Before the stallion could even begin to process how much pleasure he could feel Twilight's tongue soon began sliding its way around the length and width of the penis, and not long after that her lips were

"H-holy shit! H-how are you so good at this?" the stallion managed to ask while feeling the greatest sensation he'd ever felt in his life so far, he was frozen almost from the pleasure.

Pausing for a moment, Twilight began to explain, "Experience, hon-egh, I do this far more often than y-you'd think," finishing her sentence off with one last lick of the cock.

As the princess resumed the sucking not long after, the stallion was once again frozen in place, the only thing moving was his left hind leg, twitching as if he were a dog being vigorously petted in his soft spot. The feeling he felt in his crotch was indescribable, the closest thing to sex this pony had experienced in his life was masturbation, so for his virginity to be taken by someone this good at sucking dick was the most fantastic thing ever. Though, next time he has sex if ever, he might be disappointed considering that Twilight was a tough act to follow.

Nonetheless, he didn't want this feeling to stop, nothing could top this, there wasn't a single feeling in the universe that could be better than this... Over than perhaps-

"Wanna fuck my pussy until your dick explodes?"

...That, that could top this. "Yes please, your majesty!" the stallion exclaimed.

Without further ado, Twilight turned around and positioned herself to be ready for a good fucking, and as she did that the stallion grabbed onto Twilight's backside with his two front legs and moved his bellend to the princess's purple pussy. "Ready?" the stallion asked.

Twilight, ready as she'll ever be, nodded her head, sending a clear signal to the stallion that now was the time to fu-

"Hey Twi, you know this the guy's bathroom, ri-" Rainbow Dash stared in both amazement and horror at what lay on the bathroom floor before her. "...Oh my god."

The stallion didn't know what to say, neither did Twilight, but being drunk doesn't exactly stop you from speaking without thinking. "Hey Daaaash, wanna join in?"

"Hold up right there partner!" Applejack called out, "Which one ah y'all is paying for all that cider ya drunk tonight?"

"Uh, Twilight will pay you tomorrow," Rainbow Dash replied while carrying the disappointed purple princess on her back.

"You such a bitch, Dash," Twilight moaned, "I wanna have fun with random stallion's all night! You not my mom!"

"Twilight," Rainbow Dash sighed, "You're so drunk that you're using 'you' instead of 'you're', no Twilight I know wouldn't care about her grammar."

Grumbling, but too drunk and tired out to actually do anything, Twilight continued her moaning, "Shut up, DASH! You don't, uh, care about grammar! You can't tell me what to do!"

Rainbow Dash managed to ignore Twilight as she carried her out of the bar, "Later girls," she said as she swung open the door and walked outside.

"Waaait! No! I was promised a fuuuck!" the stallion wailed as Rainbow Dash trotted off with Twilight.

"Come to my castle thingy tomorrow, hon!" Twilight assured, "There we will fuck like nothing else matte- egh!... Dash where are we going?"

Rainbow Dash let out another sigh as she continued along the road, "I'm taking you home Twilight, you're too drunk to be out."

"Aww, boo! Unfair! How come YOU get to stay out?" Twilight asked.

"I'm going home after this too, Twilight." Dash countered, she was far past the point of giving a damn and just wanted this shit done and over with.

Not long after, maybe a ten-minute walk, the pair entered Twilight's castle and Twilight was carried up to the nearest bedroom and was lain down into the bed. "There, cosy?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight sulked for a second or two, before looking towards Rainbow Dash and sharing the worst icebreaker ever to exist in the history of ponykind. "Wanna sleep together?"

Immediately Rainbow Dash's face turned bright red. "What? After all the crap that we've gone through tonight?"

"But what if I get up and out when you leave, huhh?" Twilight argued, "You wouldn't want that, huhh?"

Thinking it over for a few moments, Rainbow Dash eventually came to a conclusion that'd work out best for both of them, while it might not be too brilliant considering Twilight's earlier behaviour, Rainbow thought it'd be a satisfying conclusion to her and Twilight's little escapade this evening.

"NO!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

In response Twilight would only sulk like a little filly, pouting as she rolled over in her bed and plopping her head on the pillow. "You're boring, so boring," she grumbled, "Boring... Bor-ing... Bore... Ugh." It didn't take long for sleep to capture Twilight, however.

Letting out a light, yet frustrated, sigh, Rainbow Dash turned away from the snoring Alicorn and headed for the exit.

"I swear to whatever deity's looking down on me, I am never letting her near a drop of cider again... "

Author's Note

In 20-30 years somebody will find this and use it against me in one way or another, here's hoping it's just an old foe of mine using it as blackmail.

So yeah, my first sexual story, it was intended to be something more erotic but I soon realised I'm not very good at writing erotica. Leave your advice and critique in the comments, I'm always looking to improve.

Also if you couldn't tell, that stallion is supposed to be you. Yes, you, you reading the story I assume that all the people who end up reading this thing are male virgins. I mean, unless you're a really slutty girl, then you can imagine that you're Twilight.

Epilogue

Twilight would wake up alone the next morning, but the light blue wing feathers left behind by a pony who wanted nothing to do with her made it quite obvious that those blurry memories in Twilight's head weren't just odd dreams. She knew that she had just wasted the previous night getting... well, wasted, and that she had a mountain of work to catch up on, but before she could...

knock knock

...Someone had come to the castle door.

Odd for someone to come by this early, but not unexpected or unprecedented. Twilight fell out of bed, just in time for the headache and the nausea to set in. She soon arrived at the castle's entrance hallway only to find that the door was already open and that a rainbow mane pegasus stood outside.

"Rainbow Dash!" called Twilight, "How nice to see y-"

"We are never going out ever again." Then Rainbow Dash slammed the door shut.

Rude, but not much of an issue, really. The symptoms of her hangover had began to wear off surprisingly quickly, she actually felt quite good, alicorns must heal fast, or something.

Though, she still needed to have a shower and she knew this all too well. It didn't take too long for her to walk upstairs to her bathroom and began washing herself in the shower, where standard showering business took place. Scrubbing, rubbing, soaking, singing.

It was quite the relaxing experience, as all warm showers are in theory. Her horn lit up and her aura began to grasp a nearby towel and bathrobe, which she used to dry herself before-

thud thud

"Coming!" Twilight quickly dried herself off and headed towards the castle entrance, upon opening the door she was greeted by none other than Applejack. "Y'gon pay for all the cider you drank last night?"

"Uhh," Twilight replied, looking around the hall for anything she could settle this debt with before levitating a tall potted plant towards her friend, "Here, this plant pot is worth more than any apple farm can make in a year."

Applejack raised an eyebrow at this method of payment, but she took the plant and left nontheless without any more questions asked. So that's every debt owed to the Apple family solved, now to eat some breakfast.

Soon Twilight entered her kitchen, happy to find her old friend Spike had already made her some toast, how kind! Perhaps this would be the start of a good day for Twilight, getting all the crap parts out of the way at the very beginning so that the rest of the day can only get be-

tap tap

"Oh for crying out loud- Coming!"

She began to trot back to the castle entrance, eating a slice of toast on the way there. Who could it be now? The only two ponies Twilight had any memory of interacting with the previous night had already come by.

Unless, Twilight's mind was actively trying to suppress a certain memory, as she approached the ever closer doorway she tried to remember if that there was anypony else...

"...crap." Twilight opened the door, hoping that it would be anypony other than him... But there he stood, the unknown stallion, dressed in a tight corset, tall stockings, and a bridle fastened around his head.

"Ready for round two?"

"..."

Without having to think, she slammed the door in the stallion's face.

"...I am never having as so much of a millilitre of alcohol ever again."