Sweet dreams are made of these

by Redcoat

Rating: everyone
Tags: Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Second Person, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1281

Pff, I dunno. I'm a horse now I guess?

So I had this dream, and dude I WAS A HORSE and that even the nuttiest bit! There was a space, thing, I guess? I think? It was pretty sick.

Published 2017-11-12 03:30:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-12 03:30:07 UTC

Who am I to disagree?

Haha, wow. I guess I'm a horse now? Like, I've had some nutty dreams, but this one takes the cake. The actual cake. I am currently staring at a two story cake, and I am also a horse (That's just not getting any less great!) and can horses eat cake? Cause lemme tell ya, that cake is looking good. I should be good for dream cakes, right? Haha, no, wait, Dream Cakes isn't anywhere around here. I'm looking and, yeah, nope. Nowhere. Man, She would actually make this the best dream ever. Dream Cakes and dream cakes and damn am I still a horse? Ca-razy man.

Huh? What's that? I look behind the cake and OH MY GOSH THERE'S ANOTHER HORSE and hot damn they're eating the cake and there is no reason for me to miss out on this action. I sit down on my horsey rump and yeah, I have no idea how horses eat. Should I try scooping it with my tongue? Diving face first? I haven't the slightest idea.

I look over and, yup, dream horse no. 1 is doing that last thing I said, diving straight for it. I admire that in a horse, very adventurous, Y'know, YOLO an' crap. Take life by the horns and, I dunno, eat its cake I guess.

So there I am, eating cake with this horse all the while I'm also a horse (Can you tell I just haven't gotten over that?) and before you know it the two of us horses eat the whole cake. The whole thing. It was the size of a house and it only took us 20 minutes to polish it off. We lay side by side, like, I dunno, brothers in arm, or brothers in cake I guess. Comrades. Nakama who share a special bond. Cause we ate that cake and hooo boy dream cake is harder on the stomach than you'd think.

So yeah, I'm suffering while this dream horse is, I dunno, giggling at me I guess? Can horses giggle? Am I the kind of guy who dreams of giggling horses? Something to bring up with the doc sometime and with my mom NEVER, cause how you get your mom to think she ain't never getting any grandkids. The horse calms down long enough to shoot me a question, which blows my mind cause not only do I dream of giggling horses, but giggling horses that talk. Kinda throws me for a loop, derails the old train o' thought, the iron horse of the mind. The pink horse of the mind stares at me expectantly, waiting for my answer.

Me, I'm waiting for her to summon flying pigs, and I mean if she's pink than those pigs had better be blue. Neither of us got what we wanted though cause that's when dream horse no. 2 shows up and boy did her jimmies look rustled. Like, professionally rustled, like the guy went to college and had a degree and ten years of experience in the field.

She starts yelling at「DH no. 1」 and I'm all like "Nu-uh, ain't nobody talking to my homie like that!" and 「DH no. 2」looks at me like I'm stupid. It's my dream and I'm the idiot?

"Pinkie, we don't have time to play with your new friend! The Hydra's rampaging again and it's also it combined with the Ursa? I don't even know what's going on, but we gotta go." I get snubbed by this stupid looking four legged crayon box stupid... Stupid head! And「DH no. 1」, Pinkie I guess? She just goes with it! Jumps up all happy like, says a quick goodbye and now there's more cake? Somehow? And she's gone! Dragged off by the Crayon Horse! And Hydra? Come on, I don't even like the Marvel movies, this is way outta line! Ursula? Am I ten?

I do the only logical thing left to do and book it after them. The Crayon Horse sprouts wings for no reason, starts flying off like there's no tomorrow and Pinkie must be on some kind of dream cake sugar high cause she's just sorta skipping along her merry way, keeping up with「DH no. 2」no problem. I'm not that athletic, but I'm a horse now, and horses are the definition of athletic. Like, nyoooom, that's what horses do.

They still out race me. I try powering myself up, using that good dream juice to bend the world to my will, but it was on the fritz or something, one of those kinds a' dreams I guess. They stop in the distance though, giving me time to catch up and holy crap the local horse population, like, uh, two divided by one, carry the three, times... four? ARgh!

The point is that there's more horses than before, which shouldn't be as big a deal to me as it is but oh well. They're all surrounding this blue, four headed, see through, snake, dragon, dinosaur? I dunno, but it looks like some kinda dream monster, which basically means that I'm responsible for vanquishing it(Yup, ninety nine cent word, I know some of those.), since I'm the resident dreamer, dream king, master of the mind 'verse, excreter of creative juices.

Hell yeah.

I jump straight past the ring of vaguely bored and aggravated horses and right into the fray. I give the monster a solid 「HORSE MAN PUNCH」 then a dynamic 「DONKEY KICK」 leading right into a 「BUCKING BRONCO」 power attack, but it didn't even phase the beast. The horses are looking kinda slack jawed, probably because my incredible attacks didn't so much as rustle a single jimmy on the monster. It was just sorta looking all smug at me, like somehow I'm the idiot.

Damn. Twice in one dream. Ouch. Cut me as deep as I apparently didn't cut the dream beast. The horses start yelling and screaming at me, telling me to get the heck outta dodge. 「DH no. 2」especially looks distressed. Tough. She's not my nakama, she can just be worried, it's not like-

Ahhh crap, Pinkie's looking kinda nervous. Nope. Can't do that to her. I got no other option, gotta end this in a single, ultima-

CRAP HOLY CRAP IT'S EATING ME! THE DREAM MONSTER IS EATING ME LIKE NO JOKE USING ONE OF ITS NASTY ASS HEADS TO CHEW UP MY MASCULINE AND SEXY HORSE BODY! HOLY CRAP IT JUST DOESN'T-

Damn it damn it damn it, I'm out of the monster's mouth somehow but it still stings like a bitch-

Am I missing some of my horse legs? Damn it, it just had to be one of those dreams.

I, uh, narrating's actually getting kinda hard, and my sight's getting... hazy? I guess? Uh, what's going... The uh, the monster's gone? I guess I missed when it ran away? Or was beaten? Uh, Um, damn my toes are getting cold. Horses don't have toes though, do they? It's a good thing this is just a... just a... dream...? Yeah, a dream, or I'd be real afraid I was dying or something. Haha, dying in a dream. Not about that life, but not the first time I guess.

Feels kinda different from the other times though. Like, I dunno. Are dreams supposed to hurt like this? One of the, uh, horses are looking down at me. Oh, all of them. That's a lot of horses. They look kinda sad? Grossed out? Like they've seen a triple amputee before or something.

Crap, it's getting really cold.

Are they crying? I can't really tell, everything's going kinda dark.

Time to... wake up, I guess...

Yeah... Time to... Wake...

...

......

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