Conflicting Love

3 days 14 hours 28 minutes 35 seconds

Applejack was currently lying in her bed just now starting to wake up. Although she didn’t really get any sleep last night because of the guilt that was eating at her ever since Applebloom had left. How could ah have hurt her when she needed me the most? What kind of big sister am ah?

She had yet to tell anypony about what had happened even Big Mac. Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell had come over just yesterday and had been asking about Applebloom wondering why she hadn’t shown up for school. Applejack was sure that they knew about Applebloom’s feelings but she couldn’t bear to bring it up so she simply said that Applebloom was busy at the moment. Even Cherilee had come to make sure everything was all right one day but Applejack gave the same response. She had already hurt her little sister enough so she wasn’t going to tell anypony about what had happened in case she ever did come back.

All of her friends had noticed Applejack’s depressive state and had tried everything they could think of to cheer her up even though she still would never say what was wrong. Pinkie tried to throw a party, Twilight tried to show her a book, Fluttershy had tried to have a relaxing tea party with her, and Rarity had even offered to do stuff with her and Rainbow Dash even if it meant getting dirty. But Applejack had declined each and every offer they gave her. She felt that she didn’t deserve to be given anything special after what she had done to Applebloom.

She considered telling Pinkie about it since the party pony always was able to keep a secret but she shuddered when she remembered what happened when Pinkie had thought that she had broken her Pinkie Promise. Applejack didn’t even want to begin to think of what would happen if Pinkie found out that she had broken Applebloom’s heart like she did.

But the one thing that had made her feel even guiltier for what she had done was seeing Applebloom’s face. It had been a mix of shock, sadness, pain, and heartbreak. She couldn’t even say anything once she saw Applebloom’s face and especially her eyes that had been completely soaked by the tears that had been flowing from them. Her little sister had just confessed to her about something that was already tearing her up inside and all she had done was treat her like a child blaming her feelings on hormones. Applebloom needed comfort and reassurance at that moment more than she had needed in her entire life but Applejack hadn’t given it to her. Instead she stood there and took Applebloom’s last words before she had left to the train. Ah caused her so much pain without even knowing and even when ah did know ah just made it worse. Ah deserved everything she said. Ah don’t deserve to even get her forgiveness. Ah’m a monster.

Applejack looked over at her table stand next to her bed noticing the vase of blue daises that Applebloom had given her only a few days ago. She had worked hard all day just so that she could get me some beautiful flowers that ah don’t even deserve. Just looking at the flowers was causing Applejack to feel guilty and have tears start to fall down her face. She just barely heard the sound of somepony knocking on her bedroom door calling through it, “AJ breakfast is ready. Are ya gonna come out?” Big Mac asked concerned for his sister.

Ever since Applebloom had left Applejack had hardly left her bedroom and even when she wasn’t in her room and was out working she still could only think of the pain she had caused to her little sister. Right now she really didn’t want to come downstairs sure that Big Mac would try to get her to tell him about what had happened. “Ah’ll be down in a little bit Big Mac, ah’m still tired.”

She heard Big Mac let out a loud and heavy sigh, “Listen AJ, ah know that something’s wrong and nopony has seen Applebloom in about three days. So if ya know anything could ya please tell me?”

She desperately wanted to tell him right then and there, to get rid of all of the guilt that she had been keeping inside of her ever since Applebloom had confessed to her about her dreams. But no matter how much she wanted to tell Big Mac, she just couldn’t find the strength to do it. “Ah don’t know where Applebloom is big brother. Ah’m sorry” Not the full truth but not a complete lie. She only hoped that he at least would drop it for the moment and leave her alone.

“Alright then, but ya better hurry up and get your breakfast, otherwise it’s gonna get really cold sis” And with that Applejack heard the sound of hoof steps slowly walking down the stairs leaving her to think alone once more. She once again looked over at the blue daises with a guilty look on her face. Ah’m so sorry Applebloom. Ah wish that ah could make it up to ya. With that Applejack put on her usual hat and headed downstairs for breakfast.

Big Mac and Granny Smith were both already at the table eating the food that Big Mac had made that morning since Applebloom wasn’t there to cook. It still looked like a great meal but Applejack’s guilt only rose when she realized that it was the same breakfast Applebloom had made the day that she had told Applejack the truth and it took most of her strength to not cry right there but she knew that she couldn’t especially with Big Mac standing right there. So she quietly went over her plate and took a few bites. She noticed that it didn’t really have the same flare that Applebloom’s breakfast had but still kept eating hoping that Big Mac would not try to pester her about Applebloom.

Her prayers were not answered. “Applejack ah know that you’re getting tired of me asking and ah know that ah’m getting tired of asking so much but ya got to tell me the truth. What happened and why has nopony seen Applebloom?”

Why couldn’t he just drop the subject for at least one day? No he does have a right to know what happened to Applebloom just as much as ah would. But how can ah tell him that ah’m the reason that Applebloom ran away and the reason that she is in so much pain right now? “Look big brother ah don’t know what you’re talking about. Ah’m fine, ah’ve just been having trouble sleeping lately is all,” Once again she had told only part of the truth towards her older brother and by the look on his face he was not convinced.

“Ah’ll drop it for now Applejack because right now we got to buck us some apples for the next harvest,” Big Mac finished the rest of his food and headed out into the farm. Applejack stayed behind eating slowly as she continued to think of what she had done to even deserve to have had Applebloom as her sister. The two had been like two peas in a pod and yet now; they were like water and fire. After a few minutes she finally managed to finish her breakfast and headed out to buck some apples and try her best to get Applebloom out of her head.

3 days 16 hours 5 minutes 47 seconds

She couldn’t do it. No matter how hard she tried to think of anything else, Applebloom always managed to make her way into the front of her mind. Whenever she was about to buck a tree she saw an image of her sister but as soon as she blinked she was gone. This had been going on the entire time she had been attempting to get any apples from the trees. She hated herself more than anything for what she had done and just wished that she could see Applebloom one more time. Just to see her smile, just to have her there with her would be enough. If ah could see her again ah would hold her and never let her go. She looked around just to make sure that nopony else was around. She took a slow and deep breath before starting to sing.

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d

Need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie

Is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before

Everything that I do

Reminds me of you

And the flowers you left that lie in my room

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

We were made for each other

Out her forever

I know we were

Yeah

And all I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me yeah

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it okay

I miss you

As she finished the song tears were falling from her eyes freely without any kind of restraint. Right now she didn’t care if anypony saw her like this, all she wanted was to have her little sister back. It was right then that she heard a snap of a branch on the ground meaning that somepony was behind her. She turned around slowly and saw Pinkie Pie standing a few feet away with a basket in her mouth. “Hey Applejack I know that you haven’t been feeling so good, so I made you some yummy super delicious cupcakes. Applebloom helped me make them”

Before Applejack could say anything, Pinkie had already took out a cupcake from the basket and held it out for Applejack to admire. She had to admit that it looked delicious but once she looked closely at it she noticed the colors of the cupcake. It was a vanilla cupcake with red frosting and even had a little edible bow on top of it. Just like Applebloom. “No thanks Pinkie ah’m not that hungry”

*Grumble*

Applejack let out a frustrated sigh as she silently cursed her stomach for betraying her. She decided to be nice and took the cupcake into her hooves and slowly ate it a bite of it.

“Well what do you think? Is it good? Or is it super good? Fantabulous? How about Super Special Awesome?” Pinkie asked extremely fast.

Applejack had to admit that it was amazing but the fact that the cupcake reminded her so much of Applebloom made it a lot harder to enjoy the cupcake. She simply put the rest in her mouth so that she wouldn’t have to see it anymore. Pinkie noticed this and looked extremely concerned. “Applejack what’s been bugging you lately? You haven’t been yourself for like three days.”

“3 days 16 hours 10 minutes and 13 seconds” Applejack simply said.

“How did you know that?” Pinkie asked.

“Ah’ve been counting every second ever since…” Applejack paused realizing that she almost had told Pinkie Pie about what had happened. “Never mind it’s not that big of a deal”

“Not that big of a deal? If that’s true then why have you been such a grumpy pants for the past three days? Applejack we’re all really worried about you. What’s wrong? And where’s Applebloom? I haven’t seen her anywhere for the past few days.”

Applejack was now just a thread from telling Pinkie everything but she knew that she couldn’t. Ah can’t tell anypony about what Applebloom told me. Ah already hurt her enough, if she found out that ah told somepony about it, it would hurt her even more.

“She told you didn’t she?” Pinkie asked with a sad tone.

For a moment Applejack didn’t quite understand what Pinkie had meant by that but eventually she understood seeing the sadness on Pinkie’s face. Applebloom must have told Pinkie at some point about her feelings. “Yeah… she did.”

“So?” Pinkie asked with a sad look which Applejack only returned with a look of guilt and sorrow.

“When she told me… the first thing that ah asked was… if she was pulling a… creepy joke on me” Applejack started already feeling even more terrible than before. It was bad enough having to live through it once but now to explain it through and through hurt so much more. And now looking at Pinkie’s face of pure rage was making the guilt inside her overwhelm her even more than it already had been doing for the past few days.

“You did what? How could you do that to her? She was already hurt enough about all of this and you told her that?!” Pinkie asked starting to get as angry as she had when Applejack had supposedly broken her Pinkie Promise.

“Ya don’t think ah know that” Applejack could no longer hold it in as her tears fell just like Applebloom’s tears had three days ago. “It’s all my fault. She need me more than she ever had in her entire life and all I did was treat her like a freak. Ah said that her feelings were just a phase she was going through and that she would grow out of it. Ah’ve been hating myself for it ever since and ah don’t even know where she went. All ah know is that she went to the train station and that’s it. She was already in so much pain from it and all I did was make the wounds deeper.”

Pinkie was completely shocked and for once speechless. Applejack, one of the toughest ponies she had ever met, was crying her eyes out like she had lost a loved one. Although in this case she did. Unsure of what else to do Pinkie simply gave the farm girl a hug which she gladly returned continuing to cry her tears completely dry. “It’ll be okay Applejack and don’t blame yourself. If anypony should be blamed it should be me”

Applejack wiped a few tears away and looked at her friend confused. “How is it your fault?”

“I’m the one who motivated her to tell you about her feelings and look how well that turned out. All I wanted was for her to be happy with her own special somepony”

“No it ain’t your fault Pinkie, it’s mine more than it is anypony’s. She needed me at that moment; she needed comfort and ah didn’t give it to her. Nopony else is to blame except for me,” Applejack said guilt fully evident in her voice.

“Applejack can I ask you something? And you have to promise that you won’t get mad at me for asking”

“Ah guess it’s alright, what’s the question?”

Pinkie Pie was silent for a few moments deciding how to ask the question but eventually simply asked “Do you love her?”

Applejack couldn’t give an answer even if she wanted to. She had never thought about Applebloom that way, in fact the only time she had ever had any kind of thoughts like that were after Applebloom had that nightmare. Applebloom meant everything to her but as more than a sister? She wasn’t sure if she could do that especially considering Applebloom’s age. “Ah… ah don’t know. Ah’ve always seen her as my little sister and ah always wanted to keep her safe but loving her more than a sister? Ah just don’t know, don’t get me wrong she means everything to me but even if ah did ah’m not sure what I would do. Ah mean she’s still a little filly and ah’m a full grown mare plus we’re sisters. What would ponies think of us if we were together?”

“Ah don’t have an answer for that Applejack but ah’m sure that no matter what happens that everything will turn out in the end, you’ll see,” Pinkie reassured her friend.

“Ah hope that you’re right Pinkie” Applejack let out a sigh. Ah wish that ya could hear me Applebloom, ah’m so sorry for hurting you like ah did. Ah would do anything to make it up to ya little sis. Wherever you are Applebloom, ah hope that you’re alright.

AN: And Applejack FINALLY gets her own dang song. It’s about time huh? Lol episode 20 joke. But in all seriousness I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. I did my best to make it longer to make up for the shorter chapters I’ve had so I hope to get positive feedback on that. I’m not sure when the next chapter will be up but I will do my best to get it up as soon as possible. Until next time brohoof /)