DAVID S. PUMPKINS!

by Octavia_Melody

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, DJ P0N-3, Human, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy, Other, Fluttershy, Octavia, Braeburn, Horror
Length: 2036

Octavia and Viny Scratch go to Appleoosa for a Nightmare Night ride featuring none other than the legendary SNL horror host himself. But what else might be lurking in the darkness?

Octavia and Viny Scratch go to Appleoosa for a Nightmare Night ride featuring none other than the legendary SNL horror host himself. But what else might be lurking in the darkness?

Based on the infamous Halloween Saturday Night Live sketch from 2016 featuring Tom Hanks as David Pumpkins. It's not necessary to understand the story but it helps if you watch it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rS00xWnqwvI

Published 2017-11-13 01:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-13 01:00:06 UTC

The Ride Never Ends - Any Questions?

It was yet another Nightmare Night, that special time of the year where ponies tried to scare each other senseless and get free candy all because Princess Luna once went crazy and turned evil. The musical odd couple known as Octavia Melody and Vinyl Scratch, cellist and disc jockey, were on their way in the late evening to an abandoned mine shaft on the outskirts of Appleoosa. According to a flyer they had received in the mail, the shaft had been converted into a haunted ride by none other than Fluttershy, the element of kindness herself.

"I thought Buttershy or whatever her name is hated Nightmare Night." Vinyl commented, "This'll probably be as boring as every concert you've ever done, Tavi."

"You really want to go there, Vinyl?" Octavia said, rolling her eyes, "At least I can actually play a proper instrument and not just ruin old records on a turntable."

"Sorry, Tavi, I couldn't hear you." Vinyl replied, sticking her hoof in one ear, "Over the sound of how awesome I sound!!"

"Whatever." Octavia scoffed, "It looks like we're here. But where is everypony?"

The two musicians scanned the cool, empty desert for any signs of life except for the looming old mine entrance. They were expecting a crowd, especially since Fluttershy was hosting the event.

"Well, howdy folks!" a rustic male voice announced, "Looks like you got here just in time!"

The two mares looked over the rugged, tannish looking stallion in the brown cowboy hat. He didn't look familiar.

"Braeburn's tha name!" he announced, "I'm helpin' out with the ride. Ah guess we never met before. Ah'm actually Applejack's cousin. Ah'm sure you met her. And who might you two lovely ladies be?"

"Octavia Melody." Octavia replied, "Charmed."

"I'm Vinyl Scratch!" Vinyl shouted, "But you might know me by my stage name, DJ-P0N3! And I'm ready to get my fright on in the hiz-ouse!"

"Okay..." Braeburn said, "Right this way."

The two mares trotted behind Braeburn to the mine cart platform.

"Where is everypony else?" Octavia questioned.

"Never you mind that." Braeburn said, "Jus' step onto the platform here and I'll get on and help pull ya down."

"Very well..." Octavia said with some suspicion.

The three ponies trotted onto the large wooden platform and Braeburn grabbed the large rope connected to the pulley above them and started pulling them down into the darkness.

On the first floor was a dimly lit display with little cardboard cutouts of ponies that looked like they were references to other cartoons.

"Oooohhhh..." Braeburn said, "Uninvited guests."

"Random anime references!" Vinyl complained, "Lame!"

"Well alright, alright!" Braeburn said, "Let's move on the the second floor."

The second floor consisted of dozens of multicolored balloon floating around.

"Balloons!! Balloons!!" Braeburn pretended to freak out, "Scary balloons!!"

"How childish..." Octavia commented, "Is this all there is too it? No wonder there's nopony here."

"Third floor!" Braeburn shouted as he pulled the rope further.

The third floor had faulty lighting and the ponies could barely make out the silhouette of what appeared to be a human man, a creature that supposedly didn't exist.

Bright fluroscent lights suddenly flashed on to reveal a black-haired man in a coat and tie with an orange jack-o-lantern design flanked by two men in skeleton jumpsuits, makeup, and white wigs.

"Are those...humans?" Octavia questioned.

"Who in Celestia's name are you?!" Vinyl shouted.

"I'm David Pumpkins!" the man announced in an odd voice, "I'm here to scare the hay out of you!"

Really awkward music started playing and the three humans started dancing even more awkwardly. But Vinyl still couldn't help tapping her hoof and jamming along.

"This guy is pretty bangin'!" she said.

"What...is this?" Octavia questioned, "This makes no sense."

"Any questions?" David Pumpkins asked in a bizzare tone of voice.

"Yes!" Octavia spoke up, "Who and what are you?"

"I'm David Pumpkins, man!" David Pumpkins insisted.

"Yes, but why are you here?" Octavia continued, "Who is David Pumpkins?"

"His own thang!" David Pumpkins replied.

"And the skeletons are?" Vinyl added.

"Part of it!!" the two "skeletons" said in unison.

"Fourth floor!" Braeburn shouted as the platform moved down and David Pumpkins went out of sight.

The fourth floor was empty but fairly well lit. A white, pink haired pony with a red cross-shaped cutie mark stepped forward with a concerned look on her face.

"Nurse Redheart?" Octavia questioned, "You're a part of the ride?"

"Hellloooooo...nurse!!" Vinyl shouted with a sharp whistle.

"Vinyl, is there something you're not telling me?" Octavia wondered.

"What are you all doing here?" Redheart asked, "I thought I threw away all the flyers before Fluttershy could mail them."

"I'm sorry?" Octavia asked.

"Fluttershy had what I can only call a complete mental breakdown." Redheart explained, "Twilight convinced her to go to the hospital and Fluttershy started talking about some big event for Nightmare Night but she sounded really unstable and incoherent. She mailed out some flyers but I had to throw them away because her ideas sounded dangerous. I suppose you got the one flyer that was mailed. I came down here just in case and it's a good thing I did. You need to get out of here! And shame on you Braeburn for helping her!"

"Ah'm jus' tryin' to help a friend of tha family." Braeburn replied.

"What about David Pumpkins?" Octavia asked, "What does he have to do with all this?"

"David Pumpkins is his own thing." Redheart replied, "I'm not part of it."

"Fifth floor!" Braeburn shouted.

The platform lowered to a familiar looking man in a pumpkin suit and his two dancing skeletons.

"It's David Pumpkins again." Octavia noted with a displeased sigh.

"Yeaahh!!! More David Pumpkins!!!!" Vinyl shouted in glee.

"Ready or not!" Skeleton 1 said.

"Here we dance!" Skeleton 2 said.

The awkward music started again as David Pumpkins did hand signals and the skeletons gyrated. It ended in David Pumpkins slapping each skeleton's butt and a loud whiplash noise.

"What's my name?!" David Pumpkins asked.

"David S. Pumpkins!!" the skeletons shouted.

"So he has a middle initial now?!" Octavia fumed, "I'm so in the weeds with David Pumpkins!"

"Ease up, Tavi." Vinyl suggested, "Don't let David Pumpkins ruin your night."

"Sixth floor!" Braeburn announced.

The platform made its way down to the sixth floor, only for the ponies to see Redheart again, looking frayed and disheveled.

"You have to leave now!" she shouted, "Everypony get out of here!"

"Perhaps we should leave..." Octavia advised, "What, with this David Pumpkins character lurking about."

"Naw Tavi, he's cool." Vinyl remarked, "Best Nightmare Night ever!"

"Seventh floor!" Braeburn said.

The platform moved to the seventh floor to reveal the two dancing skeletons by themselves.

"So now it's just the skeletons." Octavia complained.

"Ready or not!" skeleton one shouted.

"Here we dance!" skeleton two added.

"You've already said that." Octavia noted.

The skeletons danced for a bit to the same tune and Vinyl happlily nodded her head. Another loud whip crack could be heard and the skeletons pretended to react to having their butts slapped.

"Ay papi!!" the skeletons said in unison, "Happy Nighmare Night!!"

"ANY QUESTIONS?!!" David Pumpkins said, now standing right behind the two startled ponies.

"AAAAHHH!!!" Vinyl and Octavia screamed as Braeburn suddenly produced a camera and flashed a picture of his guests' frightened faces.

"Eighth floor!" Braeburn announced.

The platform lowered again and David Pumpkins and the skeletons disappeared without a trace, leaving only the ponies.

"If I may ask, how many floors are on this ride?" Octavia questioned.

"Jus' ten I reckon." Braeburn said, "Whadda think so far?"

"David S. Pumpkins rocks!!" Vinyl said, "You were so scared, Tavi!"

"More confused than scared." Octavia noted, "And is Nurse Redheart part of the ride? What did she mean about Fluttershy?"

The eighth floor was the first floor that genuinely frightened the ponies. Even Braeburn was unnerved. The floor was dimly lit with even flimsier faulty lighting than the earlier floors. The ponies could just make out a large puddle of fresh blood and the scattered remains of small animals like rats and squirrels.

"Hah! Good one!" Vinyl spoke up, "Tryin' to get us with the David Pumpkins stuff and then you hit us with the nightmare fuel."

"That looks real, a little too real." Octavia said with shudder, "I think we should leave."

"They're jus' decorations. Settin' tha mood." Braeburn assured her, "Ninth floor!"

The platform lowered and the shaft became darker than ever before until the ponies couldn't see their hooves in front of their faces.

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" said a scream from below, an anguished sound of terror and pain.

"That's it we're getting off!" Octavia pleaded.

"I cain't..." Braeburn admitted, "Fluttershy put a lock on tha platform so it moves down. She said we could get back up usin' tha stairs on the tenth floor."

As the platform continued to move down, Octavia's heart sank in her chest. The ponies could just barely make out some flickering candle flames on the ninth floor.

The ninth floor only had two lit candles illuminating a spot on the center of the floor. The ponies could see an even larger puddle of blood and when they looked closer they could see the decapitated neck post and the head of David Pumpkins. The human's head had bulging eyes and his tongue was hanging out. The rest of him and the skeletons were nowhere to be found.

"HE'S DEAD!! HE'S DEAD!!" Octavia screamed, "WE'RE GETTING OFF THIS RIDE NOW!!"

Octavia clutched Vinyl as tightly as she could and Vinyl tried to pry her off. Braeburn finally hugged the shivering Octavia and she slowly loosened her grip.

"Relax, Tavi." Vinyl assured her, "It's just a wax sculpture. My main man Davey is in on the whole thing. I'll show you."

Vinyl trotted over to the floor and tapped David Pumpkin's head. It was far too fleshy to be made of wax. She then stuck a hoof in the blood and licked it.

"It just strawberry syr..." she commented, "It tastes like metal...it's real...Braeburn get us back up!!"

"I cain't....I told you..." Braeburn said, starting to cry, "We have to...go to the tenth floor..."

Vinyl gulped and trotted back onto the platform as Octavia curled up into the ball. Braeburn reluctantly lowered the platform only to meet a dark and empty floor with only a solitary candle gleaming to the side.

The ponies heard something else lower in front of them only to be met by the three dripping corpses of a racoon, bear, and fox, their insides carved out but not cleaned and their ribcages visible. The dead animals hung from the ceiling like marionnettes. The three ponies looked on in horror as the animals started to move, pulled from the strings above.

"Are you having a happy Nightmare Night?" the racoon "said" as a rather goofy voice sounding almost like Fluttershy doing a bad David Pumpkins impression.

"Ready or not, here we dance!" the bear "added".

The gruesome puppets "attempted" to mimic the same dancing as the skeletons. Vinyl's throat filled with vomit and she barfed all over the platform. Octavia tried to comfort her but she could barely hold in the contents of her own stomach.

"There goes all my Nightmare Night candy." Vinyl said, wiping her mouth.

"Fluttershy hates Nightmare Night!" the fox "announced", "Nopony thinks Fluttershy can do a scary Nightmare Night ride! But everypony likes David Pumpkins! David Pumpkins isn't even scary! Why can't Fluttershy be scary? Why does David Pumpkins have to steal the show? No more David Pumpkins to worry about now! Stupid Angel and his stupid human friends! Bad bunny! Bad! Bad! Bad! I'm going to have to punish you, if you don't mind."

The animal "puppets" peeled back like a curtain to reveal a scoffed amd filthy Fluttershy, her mane and fur caked with dirt and blood. She had a crazed look and her eye and was chomping down on what remained of her pet bunny angel, who was now reduced to a pile of white fur and brains.

Fluttershy looked at the ponies and gave a sickening smile, wiping the brains from her mouth.

"Any questions?" she asked.