Anything for an Answer

by Silent Whisper

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Thriller, Fluttershy, Horror
Length: 3432

Not all coping methods are healthy.

"Faster," whispered Twilight as she cleaned up the mess. "They need to be faster."

Published 2017-11-13 04:50:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-13 04:50:07 UTC

faster

Journal Entry 24
Dear Diary,
I’m so very glad that I found you again! It’s been awful the last few weeks, and I feel like there’s nopony else I can talk to! Well, Nurse Redheart says that we can go to that support group, but I think I’d be too scared to say anything. Especially since most ponies have it worse off than me.

I mean, who am I to complain? I know the others have had it a lot worse. I’ve been pretty isolated since the hibernation preparations began. I didn’t even hear about the accident until the day after it happened, when Applejack came over with her weekly delivery of produce. I noticed she was late and I asked why… oh, I almost wish I hadn’t. Maybe then I wouldn’t be so worried now. Maybe I should try to forget what’s going on.

No, no, Twilight said we need to be strong, for Rainbow. But I think we also need to be strong for her, too, since she’s taking this the hardest. She hasn’t left Rainbow’s side, the poor dear. She even sleeps next to her bed. Nurse Redheart told me I shouldn’t disturb her when I went over to visit, but she’ll bring her a message if I want, and I can visit them tomorrow.

I said I didn’t have one. What could I even say? They won’t have to amputate, will they? I don’t know how bad it is, but I’m sure it couldn’t have been that bad. Rainbow has been through a lot worse, and always bounced right back!

I’m going to finish this entry here now. Angel says it’s the birdies’ supper time, and I wouldn’t want to be late. It’s almost winter, and if they don’t get enough food, then they won’t have the energy to fly south. I would hate for one of them to sprain a wing or overwork themselves because I didn’t feed them enough. That would be terrible, and I don’t want to disappoint them!

Journal Entry 25

Dear Diary,

The snow was falling today, a little early for this time of year. It melted by the time I got out of the house. It left little muddy puddles along the path, and I had to stop Winona from rolling in them. I just gave her a bath yesterday, and she returns to Applejack today, after I’m done journalling.

Nurse Redheart was right, writing out my feelings really does help. I feel like I’m being heard, even though nopony else is going to read this. It’s lovely, like holding a little friend. You understand me, don’t you, Diary?

Rainbow isn’t doing good, worse than I thought. I tried to apologize, I really did. I didn’t mean to throw up, but I happened to be in the room when they changed the bandages, and I felt so queasy and…

You don’t think she’s mad, do you? I could barely see her face under that oxygen mask. I couldn’t tell, what if she was really upset? Now I know why Twilight doesn’t leave her side. She looks terrible! I hope she heals quickly.

Journal Entry 26

Dear Diary,

I’ve been pacing around a lot lately. Today I nearly stepped on Mr. Squirrelton’s tail! The poor dear, and he’s still healing from when Rainbow Dash crashed into his house!

Rainbow. They said it got infected. They’re putting her on some special medication to make sure it heals, and they’re not allowing visitors, because they said that the medicine will weaken her immune system. Not even a bubble spell convinced them to let Twilight in. She was nearly in hysterics, saying that she’ll be back, shouting it for Rainbow and the whole hospital to hear.

I was bringing in flowers, and they said they’d deliver them to Rainbow once they check that they don’t have bugs. I hope she likes them, I picked out all sorts of wonderful colors, just like her mane!

Twilight is doing a bit better now. I walked with her all the way to her castle and made sure she got to bed alright. She just laid there, numb to the world. I think she cried all her tears away. It made me sad just being in the same room. I hope she feels better soon!

The geese flew south today. I waved goodbye as they left. Last year, Rainbow was here when this happened. She even raced the first V formation! It was fun to watch. Poor geese, they never stood a chance.

It’s quieter now, and I may go to bed soon. I’ll make myself a cup of tea and read a book, have a nice, relaxing evening, and try not to think about injuries and infections and accidents.

Journal Entry 27

Dear Diary,

It’s almost time for the bears to go hibernate. I’ll miss them so much. Harry is so gentle, and he’s been hugging me more often these days. I bet he can tell that I’m not as happy as normal. Animals are really quite caring, and they know more than most ponies give them credit for.

No news on Rainbow Dash. Twilight didn’t get out of bed this morning. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because she knows she can’t see her marefriend? I know if I ever had a marefriend I’d be very sad if I couldn’t see them, but all I have are the animals to keep me company. Oh, and my friends, whenever they stop by.

My friends. Maybe I’ll go see how Rarity is doing. We haven’t had our normal spa day since… well, since the accident, really. Maybe it will help us feel less stressed and more normal. I really hope so. I really, really hope so.

Even the birds seem to be quieter today. And Angel seems less grouchy, and more subdued. I hope that isn’t my fault. I hope my mood isn’t rubbing off on him.

Journal Entry 28

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe it, I just can’t! They said they’ll have to do surgery! Things are going bad, really bad. Like, things-are-failing bad. Body-fighting-itself bad. I’m so nervous, but I’m sure it’ll be okay. Twilight was out and about today, ever since she heard the news yesterday. She’s been researching the likelihoods of different problems, and has been annoying the nurses quite a bit!

Pinkie’s been busy too. Every time Twilight gets an update, she delivers it right to me so I know. I think she feels bad that she didn’t tell me about the accident. It wasn’t her fault, though. I was on my own, and it’s my own fault I didn’t get out of the house that day.

So, Twilight says it’ll most likely go well, and Rainbow has everything in her favor. They caught the infection early, and even though it’s spreading, it couldn’t have gotten very far. Isn’t that wonderful? So, even though this is scary, we still shouldn’t worry, since everything will go well.

I can’t wait to see Rainbow after the surgery. My goodness, she’ll be so sad that she can’t fly with the Wonderbolts in their upcoming show! But that’s okay, because we’re planning a huge Daring Do party for her, as a surprise!

Don’t tell her, okay? It’ll be our little secret. Now, I’ve got to be off to the hospital. Twilight needs all the support she can get.

Journal Entry 29

She didn’t make it.

Journal Entry 30

Dear Diary,

I don’t know where to start. The last week has been a blur. Everypony is a mess, and everypony keep saying they’re sorry. Why do they say that? They didn’t do anything wrong! She didn’t do anything wrong either! Why did she have to go?

Nurse Redheart says it’s normal to ask these questions. I wish it weren’t. I wish I didn’t. I wish I never had heard about the accident, I wish I had been there at the hospital to talk to her, I wish I hadn’t thrown up when I saw Rainbow, I wish I had said I’m sorry.

I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do. Twilight is a wreck. What do you say to a friend who’s lost their marefriend? Is there anything you can say to confront the downpouring of tears? I haven’t thought of anything except “I’m sorry,” and that feels like it isn’t enough.

She’s the element of Loyalty, so why did she abandon us?

Journal Entry 31

Dear Diary,

I’m worried about Twilight. I mean, everypony is dealing with this differently. Applejack threw herself into her work until she passed out one day while pulling an apple cart. Pinkie’s been much less bouncy, and hasn’t thrown a party since the funeral. Rarity has been inconsolable, alternating between sobbing on her couch and reassuring us that it’ll be okay and we’ll move on. Spike has been sullen and has lashed out whenever I try to get close. But Twilight…

Twilight hasn’t shed a tear since the funeral. She’s taken to locking herself in the castle, running out at odd times of the night and flying towards Canterlot, returning in the early morning laden with books. Not new books either, but dusty old tomes that smell of rotting paste. I know she likes books, but even she wouldn’t usually be interested in these ones. They’re practically falling apart!

She’s also pretty jumpy. Does she think Rainbow is going to prank her? I’ve heard that depression and grief can make you see things that aren’t there.

Tonight I’ll go to Nurse Redheart and ask what I can do to help support Twilight. I want to be there for her when she needs me.

Journal Entry 32

Dear Diary,

I really miss Rainbow. I was thinking about it today, since it was Nightmare Night last night. She used to go to extreme lengths to make sure that I don’t fall into one of her super-scary pranks. Even though she loved giving others a good fright, she always respected my boundaries. It’s something I never noticed before, or really appreciated.

I’ve been spending more time with Twilight. Or, rather, I’ve been trying to. Today I invited her over for tea, and she just stared at the cup blankly. She didn’t say a word for almost an hour, and then she just looked up at me and asked what she was doing there. I reminded her that I was there to support her, and she just kind of frowned and stared at the cup some more until I helped her home.

I wonder what she’s thinking about.

Journal Entry 33

Dear Diary,

You know that kind of laugh that almost sounds cold and heartless? Twilight’s laughing again, but it’s only that kind of laugh. It sounds almost fake. I hope she’s doing better, but I really can’t tell.

I forgot to mention, Hearth’s Warming came and went. It was almost… normal. Isn’t it sad how you can lose someone that’s an important part of you, and the world keeps on turning anyways? People go on with their lives, but you feel that you just can’t. How do you keep going when part of you is missing? I really want answers to these questions, please.

Twilight didn’t give out any presents. She said she’d give us gifts later in the year. We all understand. I mean, it’s got to be really hard on her.

Journal Entry 34

Dear Diary,

Sorry for the messy handwriting, Diary, I hope you can still understand me. I decided to write this really quickly before I go. Twilight said she had something to show me, something important. I wanted to jot this down in case I forget it.

I think this means she’s doing better! She did say it was a surprise, after all. I can’t wait to see it! She said she was working really hard on it. Maybe it’s some sort of craft?

Journal Entry 35

Dear Diary,

That was the weirdest visit I have ever had with Twilight, and that, um, is really saying a lot. I don’t even know where to start.

We started with dinner. It was just me and her, you have to understand. I think she was trying to make up for the tea party where she sat and did nothing. It was nice, having dinner, just like we used to. Well, almost like we used to.

It’s weird, everypony doesn’t seem to want to acknowledge Rainbow’s death, or the fact that she even existed. They just apologize for it and push on. But with Twilight it was different. She wouldn’t stop talking about her. It was really kind of refreshing. We talked about her sonic rainbooms, and her pranks, and everything felt normal. Well, until the topic turned to the accident.

Twilight had some pretty... interesting theories, about how Rainbow’s accident wasn’t actually an accident. Nopony can fly into a tree that hard on accident, she says. She even had calculations to prove it! It’s hard to argue against so much math, especially since she had proofs to go with them. I didn’t really understand all of what she said, but she seemed pretty fixated on them. She kept staring at these equations she has on a blackboard in her basement, almost like they had the power to bring Rainbow back.

It would take nothing short of a sonic rainboom to launch her into the tree like that, Twilight said. I asked how she calculated that. How do you account for all the feathers and bone? It doesn’t make sense. I pointed this out to her, and she showed me the life-sized dummy of Rainbow she had made, sewed together like patchwork from different stuffed animals. I thought I recognized a spot of Smarty Pants, and I guess in an odd sense it is a sort of a craft.

She said that she made it to look perfectly like Rainbow Dash, and had tested impacts on it. So I poked it, and it kind of flopped, just like a cuddly plushie would. I said that normal ponies don’t move like plushies, and she just kind of stared at me for a moment before leading me back upstairs for dessert. It was apple pie, by the way, and it was delicious.

The good news is she listened to me about the proof. She said she’d need to do more research. I felt really relieved. At least she’s coping in a healthy way, right?

Journal Entry 36

Dear Diary,

Today I had tea with Twilight again. This time, she seemed a lot better. She was chattering away to me about wing velocities and other things I’ve never really thought about while flying. I didn’t have the heart to say that when flying, you don’t consider how much the wind accelerates over your feathers, you just sort of fly. Besides, she seems a lot happier, even though she does nothing but talk about data points and such. I’m so glad she’s recovering!

I was out fetching daisy cupcakes for the tea party, and I heard that the storm we were scheduled to have next weekend has been moved up to this week! The Wonderbolts are planning a special lightning storm show in honor of their late youngest member. I can’t wait to go see it. They gave me tickets for free, since I was close to her.

Oh, and Winter Wrap Up went really well. They put Twilight in charge of the pegasi this year, and she lead them expertly. We followed her plan in the other areas too, and it went pretty smoothly. Still, I wish Rainbow was here to see it.

Journal Entry 37

Dear Diary,

The show was amazing! At the end, their smoke contrails changed color, and they made a lightning bolt just like Rainbow’s cutie mark! It was fun to watch. Scootaloo was in tears, though. I wish I could just scoop that filly up and hug her close!

I was supposed to sit next to Flitter during the Wonderbolts show, but she didn’t show up. That was a little disappointing. She usually has such great stories to tell about Rainbow.

On another note, I went to visit Twilight again. In the basement, she set up Rainbow’s dummy, and she’s got these weird machines that she’s building too. Some things, she said, to test how fast impacts occur. It’s really fun to watch! She took this pillow and threw it at the machine. It stuck on this spear bit, and then the machine read out the speed! It isn’t something I can ask a lot of questions about, but it’s nice to see her smile again.

Even though it is a rather creepy sort of smile.

Journal Entry 38

Dear Diary,

I’m so scared, I stayed in my house all day.

There’s been rumors of a great big monster in the Everfree forest. Something nopony has ever heard of. It shrieks and spits needles, and if it touches you, you die. I’ve been looking all day at different books that Twilight brought over, but we haven’t found anything that matches it.

Bulk Biceps heard it first. It was huge, and scary, and a beaver (oh, poor beaver) got too close, and it stung the poor thing and the beaver just died! Just like that! I couldn’t find anything that matched that description. Luckily, Bulk Biceps escaped, he flew fast enough to get back here and warn everypony. Then he left to make sure it wasn’t following him out of the forest, and he hasn’t returned.

Twilight says that until we can figure out what that is, we should stay away from that border of the forest, and if we do hear it, we need to run and fly for our lives, as fast as we possibly can. I think that’s a good idea, and I hope that we can figure out what’s causing this. Maybe it’s just some poor sick animal. I hope I can help it.

Until then, though, I’m staying inside. It’s so scary out there!

Journal Entry 39

Dear Diary,

Cloud Chaser was supposed to meet with me about finding a pet today, but she missed her appointment. I was so disappointed, and so were all the animals. They couldn’t wait for the chance to get a nice, loving home. Oh, not that my home isn’t loving! I’m just not being the best caretaker that they deserve. Since I’ve been helping Twilight with her research so much, I just can’t take care of them all as much as they really want.

Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Derpy around, either. Where is my mail? I was supposed to get a birdseed order yesterday! Oh, I hope she didn’t get lost. Being a mailpony must be so hard.

Journal Entry 40

Dear Diary,

Twilight knocked on my door today. I really think she’s doing better. She looks a lot better! She said that she’s almost got the proof that Rainbow’s death wasn’t an accident. I’m happy for her. I mean, isn’t she usually obsessing over one project or another anyway? I’m glad that she’s almost done with this one. She said that she needs me to help her with one last bit. I’m excited. I can’t wait for this to be all over! I’m going over to meet her by the schoolhouse in a few minutes.

On another note, I never did get that birdseed. I had to give them sunflower seeds instead. They ate it, but it wasn’t their favorite food. When I went to buy the sunflower seeds, I passed by a bulletin board. Thunderlane and his brother Rumble are missing! There are missing pony posters up. I hope they’re found soon.

I hope whatever Twilight needs me for won’t take up the afternoon. I’ve got to check into the birdseed delivery. Maybe I just didn’t schedule it for when I thought. I hope I can find Derpy soon. Rainbow would know what to do about this, but Rainbow always did seem to have it together.

Journal Entry 41

Where are all the pegasi?

I know where they are.

An accident happened.

I barely got out, she’ll find me, but she won’t find you, so I gotta hide you.

If you’re reading this, talk to Twilight. She’ll answer any questions you have. Her research will hopefully be complete, she will have proved everything. I hope it was worth it. I hope it ends with me.

Until she gets an answer, though, she’ll d o a nythin g to fi nd -