The Daily Show presents: Equestrian Interviews

by Daily Show Ponies

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Spike, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6
Length: 467544

Jon Stewart interviews various MLP: FiM characters at the end of an episode of 'The Daily Show'

Jon Stewart needs to find a way to get more people to watch his show. To do this he welcomes a new series of guests from a far off land containing monsters, magic, and most importantly... ponies!
Join him on an adventure that has him matching wits with sentient mythical creatures ranging from god-like ponies to a fire breathing dragon! Each "Episode" marks a different MLP character getting a chance to travel to the human world for an interview on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Please feel free to leave a suggestion for who Jon should interview next.
Disclaimer: For proper context it is highly recommended to reach each chapter in order as many interviews allude to past guests and events.
A special thanks to Zeta040, Cantankerous, and Zervziel for proofreading several stories listed below.

List of Characters who have already appeared:
- Chapter 1: Spike
- Chapter 2: Derpy
- Chapter 3: Applejack
- Chapter 4: Ms. Cheerilee
- Chapter 5: Octavia
- Chapter 6: Zecora
- Chapter 7: Mayor Mare
- Chapter 8: Twilight
- Chapter 9: Trixie
- Chapter 10: DJ Pon3
- Chapter 11: Rainbow Dash
- Chapter 12: Iron Will
- Chapter 13: Fancy Pants
- Chapter 14: Queen Chrysalis
- Chapter 15: Luna
- Chapter 16: A Changeling
- Chapter 17: Rarity
- Chapter 18: Lyra and Bon Bon
- Chapter 19: The Cutie Mark Crusaders
- Chapter 20: Discord
- Chapter 21: Fluttershy

Published 2012-07-24 01:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-14 22:59:09 UTC

Episode 1 [Spike]: Please welcome to the show Spike the Dragon!

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Spike the Dragon (Spike)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The sound of applause and cheering echoed through the busy set as the 'Daily Show logo' flew towards the viewer and went off screen. The camera began its descent to the center of the stage and eventually stops to reveal the host of the show, Jon Stewart, organizing his notes has he looks to the camera about to speak.

“Welcome back!" Jon said, trying his best to talk over the audience, "My guest tonight, he’s a resident of Ponyville and the personal assistant to Twilight Sparkle, please welcome to the show, Spike the Dragon. Spike!”

The audience applauded once again as a small purple dragon, with very noticeable green scales protruding up and down his head and back, emerges from backstage. He waved and smiled at the audience (Even blowing an occasional kiss) as he made his way to the center stage to greet Jon.

The two shook each other’s hand and Jon motioned for Spike to sit down only to see his guest awkwardly use the chair as a boost to get on top of the table (As even standing on the chair would have made it difficult for the cameras to see him.) Jon was half way through an attempt to help him up, but by then Spike already found his way atop the table, sitting comfortably in front of his ‘The Daily Show’ mug.

As the audience’s cheers and applause started to die down, Jon sat in his chair and faced Spike, ready to go.

“Welcome to the show Spike, it’s good to have you here," Jon said, "And may I say this…you’re a lot shorter than I expected.”

The audience chuckled at the opening joke causing Spike to do the same as he reached for his mug, but he did not drink from it. He wanted to retort, but his nervousness got the better of him as the host continued his jesting.

"When I was told I'd be interviewing a dragon, I just assumed..." Jon said, leaving his statement open in an attempt to let Spike say something.

Spike seemed to have picked up on this and responded quickly. Almost quickly enough that it looked like he interrupted the legendary comedian.

“Yeah, I uh- I get that a lot," Spike replied, "Oh! It’s great to be here Jon!”

Jon smiled at his guest's first official statement. He also noted that, based on his voice, he was probably quite young.

“Now before we get started, I just want to say that you, young man...," Jon said, while comically wagging his finger, "...you've caused quite a bit of a uh…hubbub, if you will, backstage.”

“Eh heh, yeah I guess you could say that." Spike said, while rubbing the back of his head, "I think your backstage manager hates me.”

“Okay, explain to me…w-what happened," Jon asked, "Because I’ve been up here all day and…just-" Spike's expression turned to that of guilt as he interrupted Jon with what happened.

“Well…I was in the back getting ready to go on stage and…well first let me start by saying, I’m staaarving!" Spike exclaimed, holding his stomach, "I was so nervous about coming on your show, I didn’t eat anything before arriving so-”

“But we gave you a gift basket of food in the uh…" Jon paused, snapping his fingers, "Dressing room. That was for you, man.”

“Oh I know, but the thing is…I didn’t recognize over half the stuff in there and I didn’t want to risk getting sick before going on stage.” Spike said, trying his best to sound responsible.

“So what- what happened then? What did you end up doing?" Jon replied anxiously, now more interested in what Spike had to say.

“Well", Spike said, nervously, "What happened was, your backstage manager, Ms. uh-”

“Ms. Jenson.” Jon interjected, doing his best to help the obviously nervous dragon along.

“Yes. Ms. Jenson came up to me to see what was wrong…and well," Spike said, trying to get the story right in his head, "She leaned over me and said, uh...she said: ‘Is there anything else I can get for you?’ And I noticed that she was wearing a necklace with a huge diamond on the end of it and-”

Once again Jon interrupted Spike. He was trying to go easy on his guest but his comedic sense of opportunity overpowered him.

“Really? That’s what you notice first?” Jon said raising an eyebrow. “A pretty woman leans over and all you can think is: ‘Mmmm mmmm! Look at dem diamonds!’”

The Audience laughed at Jon’s innuendo, which seemed to be somewhat lost on Spike.

"Please continue." He added.

“We-well you see, I’m not proud of what I did next," Spike said, "But when she leaned over, I uh…I took a bite of her necklace.”

The thought of a small dragon hanging onto one of his employee's jewelry caused Jon to chuckle.

“Really!?", Jon said, gleefully, "So that’s why she hates you?”

“Well no, not exactly," Spike replied, "You see…I apologized for what I did and she forgave me, buuut she didn’t appreciate what I said next.”

“Why?", Jon asked, "What did you say?” Spike tensed up as he continued his story.

“Well I apologized to her," Spike said, "And I said- uh I said: “I’m so sorry! Oh and by the way, no offense, but uh…that’s a total fake.’”

Unprepared by what Spike had said, Jon began to burst out in laughter as he swiveled in his chair trying his best to keep his composure, but to no avail. The audience laughed along with him while Spike took this momentary break in the interview to sip his mug of water for the first time, which he had to hold with both hands.

Spike, now hydrated, decided to take this opportunity to explain his actions as he was certain Jon had no idea of the intricacies of an Equestrian dragon.

"Yeah you see I-I sort of eat diamonds, as well as other kinds of gems.” Spike yelled, making sure Jon could hear him.

Catching his breath, Jon swiveled back to his previous spot just in time to retort on what Spike had just said, though still slightly laughing as he did.

“Why didn’t you just tell us? I mean we--" Jon paused, his laughing now coming to a stop. "There’s a ‘Jared’ down the street we could've picked you up something to go!”

At the time, Spike didn't know who or what “Jared” was, or if Jon was being serious, but nevertheless he played along and answered honestly.

“Well it’s my first time on the show," Spike replied, "Aaaand I…didn’t want to make a big fuss out of it.”

Jon laughed again (Though much less than before) at the thought and quickly changed his voice to that his trademark "condescending New Yorker".

“’Oh I see…so you won’t tell us what you can or cannot eat, but you’ll gladly eat our fucking jewelry." Jon said, with a higher than normal exaggeration. "Yeah...yeah, I see how it is!’”

Spike, at a loss for words, took another sip of his mug trying his best not to laugh at the host's comical voice.

Having gotten this far, Jon wanted to see what else he could get away with and decided to toy with his guest a little bit more.

“Well Spike it was nice having you on the show!” Jon announced, as he stood up and extended an arm towards the backstage only to quickly motion for Spike to sit back down less he actually believed the interview was over.

“But no really we’re glad to have you here today.” Jon added, sounding as sincere as possible.

“Heh,heh. Thanks Jon." Spike said, "glad to be here."

Spike prepared himself for another joke at his expense, ready to hold his ground, which is why he was all the more relieved to receive a soft question.

"So where are you from Spike?" Jon asked. Spike took a deep breath (Which given his small size very few noticed) and answered the question, now sounding more confident and relaxed.

"Well I was born in Canterlot, but I now live in Ponyville,'" Spike answered, turning to the audience with a sudden realization, "Oh uh...these are places in 'Equestria' my home country."

"Oh wait, just give me a second," Jon said, as he started to write in his notes, "'Ponyville'...'Canterlot'...'Equestria'...OK! got it!"

"Heh, yeah, I don't think you'll be able to find Equestria on your map." Spike said, turning to the image of the world map in the background.

"Most Americans can't even find Iraq on our map." Jon said. The Audience laughed with one attendee yelling out "Woo!" at one point.

“Uh, now like you said before, this is your first time here on the show, but," Jon said, pausing to make sure he had his facts straight, "You yourself are no stranger to being interviewed; am I correct?”

"That’s true, I have been interviewed before." Spike answered, sounding excited, "There was once a profile piece done on yours truly by a local Ponyville School newspaper.”

“Oh whoa that must have been exciting." Jon said, "So did the paper belong to some king of pony University or pony Community College?” Spike slightly tensed up.

“Weeell not exactly. The paper is called ‘The Free Foal Press,’ its run by the local grade school ponies.” Spike said. If Jon wasn't surprised that ponies had their own newspaper, he certainly was now that he learned little kids could have one.

“….Oh… I see. No, no, that’s great!" Jon said, trying salvage this line of questioning, "A couple of, uh, cute kids asking questions for their little paper, it’s adorable. Sure was nice of them to go to you.”

“Yeah it would have been," Spike said, with a guilty smile, "Had they actually ran the story.”

Jon felt a sensation of both pity and amusement as he leaned forward over his desk holding an outstretched hand to keep his balance and another over his face as he laughed. This sight caused Spike to do the same out of embarrassment.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Jon said, holding nothing back, "These kids get to interview a dragon and they don’t publish it!? I mean who- what other story did they have that could-”

Before he could finish Jon stopped and placed his clenched fist in front of his face, (As if to hold a microphone) and placed two fingers against his ear.

“’This just in," Jon said, trying his best to mimic the voice of a news reporter, "An outbreak of cooties on the playground leaves dozens infected and a recent poll shows that apple juice may increase in price by 12%'”

“Trust me I felt the same way!" Spike said, laughing at the thought of his friends back home watching him squirm on Television.

After a moment of laughter, between both themselves and the audience, the two once again engaged in their interview with Jon now more focused.

“So Spike…Oh and don’t worry we'll run this interview…So Spike, for those at home who don’t know who you are, could you explain just what exactly…it is you do?” Jon asked.

“Oh, well I don't like to brag," Spike said, untruthfully, "BUT for those who don’t know I’m the assistant to Twilight Sparkle back home in Ponyville.” Jon didn't know much about who Twilight Sparkle was, but he did know she was a very important figure.

“Twilight Sparkle being a local hero around your neck of the woods, am I correct?” Jon asked.

“Well yeah," Spike said, She-”.

“And not some kind of god-awful book series.” John added.

“No, no she’s- although if anyone would be a book it'd be her. But I guess you can say she’s a royal adviser to the princess." Spike said, trying again not to laugh, "She is something of hero back home. And it’s my job to assist her with her duties to our Princess. Princess Celestia.”

“So she’s your boss?” Jon asked.

“Well I guess, but I like to think we’re more of a family.” Spike replied, taking a sip of his water.

"Now what exactly has she done to earn her the title of 'hero'", Jon asked.

"Well its hard to explain," Spike said stroking his chin, "But put it this way: Whenever Ponyville, or any other place in Equestria, is in trouble, she's always there to set things right!"

“Hmm I see, how admirable. I'll have to ask her myself if I ever get the chance." Jon said, making a mental note.

Now…what kind of an assistant are you?" Jon continuted, "Do you: Get her coffee, take her phone calls, shine her horse shoes or-"

“No, no, no, nothing like that." Spike said, sounding somewhat defensive. "My main job is sending letters from Ponyville aaall the way to the princess at the request of Twilight, or sometimes her friends.” Jon recalled the letter he received the night before and took this opportunity to shed some light on how exactly it came into his possession.

“How do you do that exactly?" John asked, "Because I noticed, if you don’t mind me saying, you don’t have any wings, so how do you transport these letters from so far away?”

“Well you see…" Spike said, pausing to look around him, "…OH! I’ll give you an example, can I see that for a second?”

Spike reached for a piece of paper that Jon had previously used during other segments of the show that day. Jon obliged and handed him his notes, watching as Spike rolled them up and, with a quick breath, engulfed them in a flame of emerald green. In a few seconds, the notes had suddenly vanished. Not burned up in a cloud of ash, but simply vanished. This spectacle, much to the amusement of the audience, caused Jon to stare into open space where his notes had just disappeared.

“And just like that, your papers are in the hoofs of the princess herself, right now as we speak; instant royal mail!” Spike said, with a snap of his finger. While he sat there with a proud grin on his face, Jon continued to stare upwards eventually pointing in that direction.

"’I’ll be honest..." He said, looking somewhat worried, "...I really wish you hadn’t done that.” This time, Spike was the one who lost composure as he nearly fell over backwards laughing.

“You have noooo idea the kinds of things I write down on tho- I mean we-, "Jon said, in a slight panic, "We just had a segment about sex robots and now the princess is going to be reading it!?”

With Spike still laughing at himself for not thinking his plan all the way through, Jon seized the moment and put his hands in front him, in dainty manner, while doing his best to immediate the voice of Queen Elizabeth II.

“’Oh hellooooo, what do we have here?," Jon said, "Oooooo a letter from dear Spike, I wonder what it could- GOOD HEAVENS!’” Spike couldn't stop laughing.

“Don’t- don’t worry, the Princess is a very understanding pony." Spike said, trying his hardest to stop laughing, "I’m pretty sure I won’t get in trouble when I- when I go back home.” Jon waited for Spike to catch his breath before continuing.

“So when do you head back home?” Jon asked.

“Probably after the show," Spike answered, now more calm, "I don’t like to be too far away from my friends in Ponyville.”

“So about this ‘Ponyville.'" John intrigued, while making air quotes, "Am I to assume it’s filled with...ponies?” Spike raised his eyebrow at the obvious question and decided to give an obvious answer.

“"Uuh, for the most part yes, Jon.” Spike answered, unsure where he was going with this.

“Now having said that do you ever find yourself just…looking at your hands, maybe wiggle your fingers a little and think to yourself..." John pausing for emphasis, “Wow…I have such a genetic advantage over these people.’”

“Well no," Spike replied with a slight giggle, "But actually that’s one of the reasons why I’m in charge of writing those royal letters.”

“Oh really?” Jon said.

“Yes sir! Having fingers really makes it easy to take a letter every now and again.” Spike said, once again sounding proud of himself.

“Do you ever just rub that into someone’s face?” Jon said, as he leaned forward.

Spike laughed at the question and tried to answer but was too late as Jon continued.

“Do you ever just- like when you see someone walking down the street, give em one of these?” Jon asked, as he turned his chair to his audience giving them two very big “thumbs up” while putting on a toothy grin.

“Oh no, no, no" Spike said, waving his hands back and forth, "The residents of Ponyville have their own methods of doing things without the need for hands.”

“So none of them ever get jealous?” Jon asked.

“Hmmm not as often as you might thin- well there is this one pony," Spike answered, "Lyra. I think she might be.”

“How uh- how can you tell?” Jon asked, recognizing the name from the list.

“Well every now and again I catch her staring at me.” Spike answered. Having heard this, Jon puffed out his chest, adjusted his suit, and once again changed his voice. This time to that of a deep rough voice which could at best be described as "trying to sound manly."

“Well it sounds to me like this 'Lyra' has a thing for Ol’ Spike the Dragon.” Jon said. He was certain this would cause his guest to laugh again, but all it did was make the young dragon grin as if he knew something Jon did not.

“Oooh trust me, it’s not like that," Spike said, "She’s already spoken for.”

“Oh I see.” Jon said

“Plus I..." Spike said, rubbing the back of his head, "...I already have a thing for somepony else.”

Jon's eyebrows shot up as his keen sense of observation, which made him a master comic and host, alerted him of a possible new talking point. He leaned forward, now more interested; momentarily distracted by the audience's collective "D’aaaaw.”

“Reeaally?" Jon said, Who is she? What’s she like?”

“Well...she’s real pretty" Spike said, slightly blushing, "And she has the most amazing mane!” Jon could sense how nervous this made spike. But he could also sense the comedic potential in this line of questioning.

"Gooo ooon!” Jon said, placing both his hands under his chin as if to hold his head up.

“Well, she’s the most generous pony I’ve ever met!" Spike continuted, "But...I don’t think she likes me.”

“Why is that?” Jon asked?

“Well,” Spike said, "The thing is--"

“Did you try eating her necklace?” Jon asked, very straight faced.

“No, no, I would never do that!" Spike exclaimed, with a laugh, "It’s just- well I mean I know she likes me but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like that in that way.” Upon hearing this revelation Jon decided to give the little guy a break and back off the subject somewhat.

“Aaah," Jon said, nodding his head. "We’ve all been there.”

“Yeah, she spends most of her time working on her fashi- I mean…working." Spike said, in a panic, "She’s very good at what she does and she has such passion, which is also why I like her so much.”

“So she’s an active career woman?” Jon asked, disappointed he didn't get a name drop to see if he recognized it from the list.

“Something like that, yes.” Spike answered.

“Now- now, would you say your career, aside from being an assistant, is delivering all these letters around ponyville?” Jon asked in an attempt to get Spike to talk more about himself.

“Ye- Well no, actually, I don’t deliver letters for everypony in town." Spike answered, "I only deliver royal mail for Twilight, her friends, and the Princess.”

“Oh I see, sorry.” Jon said, scratching his head.

“Yeah we already have somepony whose job it is to deliver mail around Ponyville." Spike added, "Her name is Derpy, she’s our mailmare. Actually she’s a pretty big fan of yours.”

“Oh really!” Jon said, interested at the thought of a fan who was literally 'out of this world.'

“Yeah. You and your friend...uh, Colbert." Spike continued, "She watches your guys' shows every day.” Jon was pleased to hear this. He cleared his throat.

"Oh, well this Derpy person seems to have really good taste.” Jon said, adjusting his tie.

“Yeah she records both shows every day and watches them when she gets back home." Spike said, with a slight giggle, "She can never decide which one to watch first so she sets each show to a different TV and watches ‘The Daily Show’ with one eye and the ‘Colbert Report’ with the other.” This made Jon very confused.

“We- well" Jon said, at a lost for words, "Well you tell Derpy that she’s welcome on the show anytime. We’d love to have her.”

“Sure!" Spike said, enthusiastically. "No problem!” Just then a voice came from behind the stage. It was soft enough so the audience wouldn't hear it but loud enough for Jon to. It was the voice a staff member telling Jon time was running out.

“Also, I’m being told we’re running out of time and we need to go to commercial," Jon said, looking at the audience and back to Spike, "But listen, can you stick around for a few more minutes and we’ll throw the rest up on the web?”

“Sure, I’d love to!” Spike answered.

“OK, thanks a lot for being here I really appreciate it." Jon said, as he grabbed Spike's hand. "Spike the Dragon everyone! We’ll be right back.”

The crowd erupted in applause as the camera paned away from Jon shaking Spike’s hand and whispering something in his ear. The show's logo once again flew on screen and the program transitioned into it's final commercial.

Episode 2 [Derpy]: The book

Episode 2 [Derpy]: The book

With a heavy sigh Jon threw himself on his living room sofa, tossing his phone on the table in the process. His head was still spinning from the past 24 hours. It would be awhile before the final numbers came in but for the time being what he did know was his show was the most viewed program that day. "Comedic gold," "interview of the millennium," "best thing to happen to television." These were just some of the acclaims many professional reviewers were saying about the episode.

Jon had just finished taking the last of his phone calls. After his interview with Spike he was bombarded by calls and emails from newspapers, websites, and other TV shows begging for a quote or preview of what was to come next (To which even Jon didn't know). Shortly after, and even during, the interview fans were buzzing on Twitter, Facebook, and social forums about what they had witnessed. It had gotten so popular that when Jon (As a social experiment) typed his name in Google the first few suggestions were:

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart interviews Dragon?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart interviews Spike?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart Equestria?"

"Did you mean: Jon Stewart and the talking dragon?"

Reporters and fans aside, Jon was also getting the occasional call from family members and colleagues congratulating him on his impressive feat. Something that even he still had a hard time believing.

"A Dragon." Jon thought, laughing out loud. "I interviewed a God damned, dragon!"

Putting his feet on the table Jon placed both his hands over his face hiding his ever growing smile. He wondered if all of this was just some very realistic dream that, at any moment, he would wake up from with nothing to show for it.

To test this theory he leaned forward and grabbed the list he acquired from Princess Celestia. The list which contained the names of the many residents of Ponyville. He felt the papyrus in his hands, he saw the wrinkles in the pages, he could smell the distinct odor emanating from it, he heard it make noises every time he furled and unfurled it's pages, and he could taste the future possibilities.

Yep, this was very real and what Jon didn't know was it had only just begun.

As he continued to be lost in his own thoughts he realized that he hadn't spoken with Celestia since last night. He aimed to resolve this so he reached again for his phone, which was almost out of power. Before he could dial he noticed a fairly new text message that was unread. He must not have noticed it as not even a wild elephant couldn't break him away from his current daze. It was from none other than his good friend Stephen Colbert who (As a fellow host knew the importance of getting ready the night before) had simply said: "Saw the show. You were great!"

This made Jon smile as he made a quick, but heartfelt, response and continued to dial the number of the far way princess. Jon still needed to look at the princess' letter for reference as he hadn't saved her number in his contacts yet. Though in time he would be able to recite the number by heart.

After a few seconds of ringing, much like before, the same gentle voice once again greeted him.

"Hello Mr. Stewart," Celestia said from the other end of the line. "Its good to hear from you again."

"Likewise, your majesty.'" Jon said. "Also, like I said before please...call me 'Jon.'"

"Oh, my apologies," She said, sounding amused. "Very well but only if you call me 'Celestia.'" Jon felt somewhat awkward at the idea of addressing royalty with such a lack of formality but decided very quickly to just go along with it.

"Not a problem...Celestia." He said

"So what do I owe the pleasure of your calling me so soon?" She wondered.

"Well for starters I just wanted to thank you for loaning your dragon to me," Jon said, facetiously.

"Not a problem," Celestia said, with a giggle. "Spike had a wonderful time in New York, I do hope he wasn't too much of a handful."

"No not at all." He said. "As a matter a fact thanks to him our program saw a huge increase in viewership. He really made a big impact on the show. I guess you can say because of him our popularity really 'Spiked.'" As the words left his lips Jon felt utterly ashamed at such a transparently horrible joke. The princess however found it quite humorous.

"I'm so glad to hear!" She replied with a hearty laugh.

"Uh yeah, we haven't seen numbers this high since I got to interview Obama a few years back." Jon continued. "And even those pale in comparison to this."

"Hmm?" Celestia said. "I'm sorry, who is 'Obama.'" For a brief moment Jon was taken aback only realize that her question was a perfectly reasonable all things considered.

"Oh sorry that's right you're not from around here," Jon deduced. "Uh, I guess you can say he's the...'Princess Celestia' of our world."

"How fascinating!" She replied, sounding as genuine as always.

"Yeah, yeah, except instead of wings and a horn our guy has death drones and a seemingly endless supply of soldiers." He added, with a slight grin.

"Oh...I see." Celestia said, clearing her throat. "Now then I believe you had another reason for calling me." Jon was tempted to tease her some more but time was of the essence. It was time to get down to business.

"Yes actually, I wanted to talk to you about who I wanted to appear on my show for tomorrow." Jon said, holding the list of names in front of his face.

"Oh my," Celestia said. "So soon?"

"Well as I'm sure you know I do a show every day except for weekends," he explained. "And the fans really took a liking to my interview with Spike. So much so that they want more Equestrian interviews. I want to see if we can't make lightning strike twice."

"I see." Celestia said, impressed by Jon's tenacity. "Well Mr. St- Jon, I am very pleased to hear this and am more than happy to further assist you. So, have you decided on who you wish to interview next."

Ever since the overwhelming popularity of his last interview Jon had been wrestling with the same question over and over again in his mind: How am I going to top it? An interview with real life dragon wasn't going to be easy to beat. His next choice could go either way depending on how he handled it. Jon had an idea of who he wanted to interview next but to go any further he needed some background information first.

Celestia's voice, checking to see if Jon was still on the line, woke him up from his deep thought and he begun to speak again, picking his words carefully.

"Well I do have an idea but before I make my decision I want to ask you something, but you have to promise me you get offended" Jon said cautiously. This really got Celestia's attention.

"I shall do my best." Celestia said, truthfully.

"Well I've been thinking," Jon said, debating in his head if he should continue. "Do you guys in Equestria...have books?" To his relief his question wasn't met with hostility or malice but instead by a fit of laughter.

"Why Jon, of course we do!" She answered. "What a silly thing to ask." Jon wanted to respond by asking how then do people in Equestria hold them in their fingerless hooves but decided not to press his luck.

"Sorry," Jon said now embarrassed. "I'm still getting used to this alternate world of multi-colored talking animals thing."

"That's quite alright," Celestia said with a chuckle. "Why the sudden interest in pony literature?"

"Well as you may or may not know, whenever I get the chance, I like to interview people who've just published a book." Jon answered, informatively. "It's actually one of my favorite kinds of interviews because on the one hand the person I'm interviewing gets time on the air to promote their book, and on the other hand I get to make fun of them for writing such a terrible book. It's a win win. So, I was I was wondering if anyone on the list is a published author."

"I see...how efficient. Give me a moment to think about this," Celestia said, tapping her hoof against the floor in thought. "While I do know some ponies whose special talent is writing I'm afraid none of them are present on the list I provided." For a very brief moment Jon found it odd that she used the phrase 'special talent' but quickly dismissed it as mere colorful euphemisms.

"Well writing books doesn't have to their career." Jon added, not ready to give up on his plan. "It could just be some average Joe who wrote a book just for the heck of it. Those are usually the funniest ones."

"Yes well still I don't thin- Oh!" Celestia said, with a sudden realization. "Actually there is somepony on the list who wrote her own book not too long ago."

"Oh that's great!" Jon replied, now literally on the edge of his seat. "Who is she."

"Actually this is quite the coincidence," Celestia continued, amused by the circumstances at hand. "Because as I recall you've technically already invited her on your show."

"I have?" Jon wondered aloud.

"Indeed you have, Jon." she replied. "Does the name 'Derpy' ring a bell?"

Episode 2 [Derpy]: Please welcome to the show Derpy Hooves

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Derpy Hooves (Derpy)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

With the success of his last interview the 'Daily show's' audience attendance had filled up in record time! Producers were even thinking of expanding the set to fit more guests. As the show returned from another commercial break the audience began to cheer and holler with excitement for they knew what was next. The interview segment.

"Welcome back to the program, we have a very special guest tonight!" Jon said, briefly pausing to let the audience's cheers die down. "She's the premiere mailmare for Ponyville and other parts of Equestria, her new book is called '50 shades of muffins: How a simple food product can change your life.' Ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the show, Derpy!"

Both the audience and Jon stood up to applaud their guest who slowly made her way onto the stage. She was a grey colored Pegasus with light blonde hair and her cutie mark (Something that Jon has yet to learn about) depicted 7 bubbles. Her most notable feature however was her eyes which seemed be looking in every direction but in front of her.

At this point in his life Jon had never witnessed a pony fly before, but even he could infer from her flying patterns that something was off. Derpy, instead of simply flying straight to the desk, flew lazily from side to side at different altitudes almost as if she was intoxicated and her legs danged carelessly instead of being used for balance. This was made all the more awkward by a large satchel bag worn around her neck which seemed to be weighing her down like an anchor. All the while adorning a ditzy looking smile which she will have worn for most of the upcoming interview.

After a while she started to fly slightly off course and looked to be heading straight into the cameraman. Jon took no chances and met the wayward Pegasus halfway. He shook her hoof, much to her joy, and placed an arm around her shoulder to guide her to the appropriate location. Soon the two sat down, with Jon looking at Derpy and Derpy looking everywhere but Jon.

"Glad to have you on the show Derpy," Jon began, "N-now tell me...is Derpy your real name? I mean do you have a last name or are you like Cher with the one?" Derpy responded with a slight laugh, though she didn't know what was so funny.

"Oh no Jon, my name is Derpy Hooves!" She said, throwing her hooves in the air.

"Derpy...'Hooves'?" Jon said quizzically, noting that her rate of speech was slightly 'off'. "That's your name?"

"It sure is!" She said in excitement, as she scratched the back of her ear with her hind leg messing up her already messed up hair. Jon began to wonder if the term 'special guest' was more applicable than he had thought.

"Well it's a pleasure to have you on the show Derpy Hooves." He said, once again shaking the young Pony's hoof. "My name is Jon Feet." This caused Derpy to once again laugh but again she laughed for the wrong reason.

"Oh Jon, that's not your name!" She said, shaking her head. "Your name is Jon Stewart...you're such a silly!"

"I guess I am." Jon said proudly, brushing away the imaginary dust on his shoulders. "I guess that's why they gave me this gig...speaking of which I hear you're a big fan of the show."

"I sure am!" Derpy exclaimed, her wings now standing on end. "I watch your show everyday! I even made my own stage and desk and pretend to talk to an audience... like you!"

Jon felt flattered at his guest's wanting to be like him.

"Well uh... if I've never in the neighborhood maybe I'll drop by as a guest of yours." Jon offered which made Derpy's wings spring up in excitement. Quickly she reeled herself back and tried to put on a serious face.

"Weeeell my schedule is quite busy," she began as she fished out a notebook and began to browse through it, each page clearly blank. "Buuut I'm sure I can pencil you in!"

The audience (As well as Jon to a lesser degree) laughed at her attempt to sound professional. They were slowly falling in love with her.

"You know I uh- I gotta ask," he said, waving his hand in a circular motion. "You say you watch the show all the time but... uh, you are from a different world entirely. Do you ever get confused at some of things that...that we talk about." Derpy fell silent for a moment, her eyes occasionally changing positions.

"Most of the time yes, but some of the things you say are just so darn funny I...I just can't help but watch!" She said holding back a laugh. "Like how you used to make fun of that Bush fellow." It took Jon but only a moment to realize what she was talking about.

"You mean our former president George Bush?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah!" Derpy said. "I used to loooove that!" Before Jon could comment on his guest's last statement, Derpy (Who inadvertently dated her self quite a bit) continued by squinting her wall-eyes as she placed both her hooves in front of her.

"'I...am the decider!'" She said, in a low southern sounding voice. "'Heh, heh, heh.'" The crowd erupted in applause at what they had just seen. The sight of a cross-eyed Pegasus doing an impersonation of Jon doing an impersonation of George W. Bush was all the proof he needed that this guest was about to steal the show. Jon waited for the audience to calm down before speaking again.

"So...so what part of the show would you say if your favorite?" Jon asked.

"Hmmm, well let's see...OH! I know I know!" Derpy said, eagerly waiting in her seat like a 747 waiting for permission to take off. Jon's motioned for her to continue and she did.

"I really like it whenever John Oliver is on!" She said, closing her eyes with a slight blush. "I think he's such a cutie!" Jon took this opportunity to poke fun at both Derpy and Oliver.

"Ooooo sorry Derpy,' he cooed, with an obviously forced expression. "I don't mean to break your heart but I don't think Jon would be interes- although he is English so I suppose if anyone would be willing to fuck a horse it'd be him."

The audience laughed with a few of them shouting "Woo!" in a sexual manner, to which Jon had to point out and insist they calm down. Derpy however was once again oblivious to what was going on, though it didn't seem to bother her in the slightest.

"Wha-what I'm saying here is I think you have a chance." Jon added, much to the amusement of the audience.

"So being the uh...Mailmare for an entire town," Jon said. "That must be a lot of hard work.'

"It sure is!" She replied. "But it's also a lot of fun! I get to meet all kinds of interesting people and they don't mind when I mess up too bad."

"What do you mean by 'mess up too bad.'" He asked, feeling somewhat worried.

"Well like sometimes I deliver the wrong letter to the wrong person," she said. "And sometimes instead of putting someones mail in their mailbox I accidentally put it in their chimney or in the gutter." Jon wanted to laugh at her joke but something told him that she wasn't joking at all.

"And this one time somepony mailed some other pony a package and it was ticking," she continued. "But I lost it on my way there so it never got delivered."

"That's...very interesting." Jon said, with a look of concern on his face. "Tell me...how did you get to be the Mailmare again?"

"Oh that's easy," she said. "No pony else wanted to do it. So I volunteered."

"Wait...so if no one else ever wanted to do this job, then, I mean- who's covering your rounds right now?"

"No pony is," Derpy replied, lifting her large satchel bag onto the desk. "I'm supposed to be delivering the mail right now, but I'm sure no pony will mind if take some time off to be here. The audience laughed as Jon buried his face in his hands. He tried to quickly change the subject.

"So, Derpy," he continued looking around as if a new topic would fall in his lap. "You...you're the first pony I've ever had on the show! This is...that's quite milestone. But I've met with your princess and I've noticed you two have very different characteristics."

"We do?" Derpy responded.

"Yes uh, yes you do. For one she's a lot bigger than you, and Celestia if you're watching that wasn't a fat joke." Jon announced, pointing at a camera. "But what I find...interesting is she has both wings and a horn."

"She does!" Derpy responded, much to the confusion of Jon who wondered if she had any idea what her leader looks like? "Oh wow she's so lucky! I wish I had horns and wings."

Now Jon went from being confused to being perplexed.

"B-but Derpy you do have wings." Jon said, pointing to her back. Derpy, looking somewhat lost now, arched herself to look over her shoulder. She flapped her wings a few times to be sure they were hers, unintentionally slapping herself across the face in the process.

"Oh yeah, I guess I do," She said, looking embarrassed. "I guess I forgot." Jon shook his head and tried to not laugh at his guest.

"I-I know exactly how you feel," Jon retorted, straightening out his notes. "Sometimes I myself forget how to eat and I find myself just staring at my breakfast till it all comes back to me." Derpy's mouth hanged open in astonishment.

"YOU TOO?!" She responded, with a gasp. Jon could hold back his laughter no more.

He didn't know if this was all just an act or if his new feathered friend really was this daft. Either way he found it impossible to not like her. After he found his breath he continued to question her.

"So hey you have a book out don't ya!" He said, fighting off the occasional left over chuckle.

"I sure do!" She replied. "It's called: "50 shades of muffins," I made it all by myself! It's my favorite book ever!" Had it been any other guest, Jon would've considered them to be very conceited for choosing their own work as their favorite book. But this wasn't any other quest; with Derpy he saw nothing but pure innocence in her crooked eyes.

"What's your favorite book, Jon?" Derpy asked getting somewhat off topic.

"Oh, mine? I would have to saaaay...probably 'Where's Waldo,'" Jon said, nodding. He noticed the confusion on her face he decided to elaborate. "It's a children's book where you find a popular character whose always hiding in the background. But I'm sure you know nothing about that."

"Sounds like fun!" Derpy said, clapping her hooves together.

"Oh it is, but for now I really want to talk about your book," Jon said, puling out a massive book from under his desk. "Now this, from what I can gather is a cookbook, am I right."

"That is correct!" She said, with a proud look on her face.

"Now...my wife- my wife has a cook book or two and each of them probably mentions muffins once or twice but this," Jon said, lightly tossing the book on the desk with a large audible thud. "This is a cookbook only about muffins. It's enormous, and thick enough to beat sharks to death with. I mean what gives?

"Well Jon," Derpy said, sounding like she could be serious. "I LOVE muffins!" Jon gave her a look as if to say 'no really,' but opted to not say anything as this was the first time she'd said anything regarding her book.

"I love them sooo much that I just want the whole world to feel what I feel," she continued. "I want to bring awareness to all the different kinds of muffins there are in the world."

"No kidding," Jon interjected, turning to a page after page in her book. "I mean look at what we have here: 'Blueberry muffins,' 'hazelnut muffins,' 'apple muffins,' 'chocolate muffins,' 'upside down muffins,' 'super muffins,' 'dark world muffins' ...you even have something called the 'muffin muffins.'"

"Oh that one's my favorite!" Derpy said with a huge smile. "It's a muffin made from other muffins!"

"Now...your book also says, 'How a simple food product can change your life,'" Jon stated, pointing at the cover. "How is this possible? Are the muffins prepared with...some kind of uh special magic that can enrich a person's life...or something like that?" In time Jon would look back at these interviews and revel at how he would mention 'magic' so casually.

"Nope." Derpy said, pausing for a moment. "They just taste really yummy." Jon wanted to comment but suddenly a look of realization found its way onto Derpy's face as she placed both her hooves over her mouth.

"OH I ALMOST FORGOT!" She said. "I have something for you, Jooooon." He could only speculate as to what the young Pegasus was talking about.

"Oh really?" he said. "What is it?" Derpy motioned for Jon to stay where he was as she buried her head completely in her satchel bag, irresponsibly spilling sealed letters on the ground in the process. When she emerged she had a lone muffin clenched in her smiling mouth. She placed the muffin in the table and pushed it closer to him.

"This is for you!" She said, proudly. "It's an extra special muffin for an extra special person!" Jon couldn't help but smile at the kindness of this pony who he had only known for a few minutes. Before Jon could thank her she spoke again.

"Go ahead, try it!" She said, with immense excitement. He took the muffin in his hand and turned to the audience to get their take of what he should do; knowing full well what their answer would be.

"What do you think?" He asked them. "Should I try it?" His question was met by a wave of support in the form of cheering, clapping, and a small chant of "EAT IT, EAT IT, EAT IT!" Jon eventually took a bite causing the audience, and even Derpy, to clap with elation.

"Not bad," he said, his mouth full as he placed it back down on the table. "I like it!" His compliment caused Derpy to flap her wings furiously with glee.

"Oh I'm so glad to like it!" She said. I was up all night making it juuuuust right!" Jon took a moment to swallow the last bit of muffin in his mouth and wiped his desk of any loose crumbs before continuing.

"So...so why do you like muffins so much," Jon asked, wiping his hands together. "I mean...don't get me wrong I enjoy a good muffin every now and then but it almost seems like you're...obsessed." Derpy didn't say anything at first, she just stared in no particular direction. If she was thinking about what to say next it was completely evident to Jon.

"Weeell I'll tell you why," Derpy said. "But you have to promise to keep it a secret." Jon slowly turned his head to the direction of the cameras and audience who responded him with a slight chuckle. He agreed and she continued.

"Well you see, Jon...you may not notice this but my eyes are kind of crooked." She said with a whisper, unaware of how fruitless it was with the microphone attached to her ear.

"I honestly hadn't notice." He responded with a straight face.

"Well they are," She said. "And when I was a little filly some of the other kids would make fun of me for it..." As she continued Jon could sense a heart felt story on its way. He had no idea.

"...And when they did it would make me very sad and I would sometimes cry," She continued. "But, my mother always always knew how to cheer me up! She would bake a big ol' batch of muffins for me. This always made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!" The audience as well as Jon dared not make a noise as she went on.

"Sadly though, a few years ago she passed away. But whenever I eat a muffin I still feel that same warm and fuzzy feeling as if she's still here with me." She said, not showing a hint of sadness or animosity. Just the same quirky smile she had the rest of the interview. "That's why I made this cookbook! So that people all over the world can feel the same happiness that I do!"

It took Jon a moment to respond, as he wanted to make sure his next words were appropriate.

"Whoa, that was very beautiful." He finally said. "Thank you for sharing. It sounds like she was a very...very loving person." Derpy looked at Jon, her expression changed to that of confusion.

"Who was?" She asked, tilting her head to one side. Jon soon had a look of confusion on his face which neatly mirrored Derpy's.

"Y-your mother." He responded.

"What about my mother." She replied slightly furrowing her brow.

"Oh n-n-no I was just saying, you know based on what you- I was just saying how your mom seemed very..." Jon stumbled to try and make sense of what was going on, but was only met with more confused looks from his guest. "...Derpy have you already forgotten what you just told me.

"Oh...I guess I did," Derpy said, guiltily rubbing the back of her head. "My bad."

Before she could even attempt to recall what happened, and situate herself accordingly, her wandering eyes noticed the muffin that she herself had given Jon on the table. She lunged forward, almost as if she was about to tackle Jon, her eyes big and her wings flapping freely.

"OOOOO A MUFFIN!" She exclaimed, now looking at Jon. "Hey are you gonna finish that!?" Jon threw both his arms in the air, surrendering to Derpy's advances.

"You know what, Derpy?" He said, with a large smile on his face. "You go right ahead." Within an instant, as the audience cheered her on, Derpy flung herself onto the table devouring the muffin withing seconds. Getting crumbs all over her face, mane, and Jon's suit. When she was done she looked up at him, with only one eye actually looking in his direction.

"I love muffins!" She said, with the same smile she had for most of the interview.

"I know you do." Jon said, lovingly patting her on the head.

"Thank you being here today Derpy you were fantastic." Jon said, turning to the audience. "Her new book, 50 shades of muffins, is on the book shel-" Before he could finish his outro Derpy began violently waving her hands back and forth in an overambitious attempt to get his attention.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, JON!" She said, now slightly hovering over him.

"Before we go can I make a quick shout out to somepony?!" Jon didn't have the heart to say no. He agreed and Derpy flew slightly higher and looked at one of the cameras (Though due to her eye sight, she was looking slightly off from where it actually was).

"HI DINKY!" She yelled. "LOOK I'M ON TV! MAMA LOVES YOU!"

Jon playfully sighed and stood up from his chair.

"It been great having you on the show, today." Jon said with an honest smile. "Her new book is called 50 shades of muffins, its on the book shelves now. Derpy Hooves, everyone! We'll be right back."

The audience, who as this point were cheering well before Jon's sign off, begun chanting Derpy's name as the camera paned away from Jon trying, and failing, to get the excited Pegasus to come down. Soon afterwards the show transitioned to it's last commercial ending another episode of "The Daily show with Jon Stewart."

Episode 3 [Applejack]: The farm

It had been a few days since Jon had an Equestrian citizen on his show. Not because people had stopped watching them, quite the opposite; after the interview with Derpy the world was once again in a state of Insatiability.

The reason why Jon hadn't invited another person from Equestria on his show was because he had his hands full dealing with the backlash of unleashing the loveable Derpy on the world. Much like before people from all walks of life were in a frenzy about the interview but unlike before a majority of the attention wasn't on Jon or the 'Daily Show' (Though they were getting still holding the number one spot in the ratings) but on Derpy herself. Shortly after the interview the world had fallen in love her and she became a house hold name in less than a day.

Comedy Central, seeing the opportunity in this, offered to act as publishers for Derpy's and sold copies of her cook book on their website. On average it took less than 20 minutes for her book to be sold out and this occurred everyday at regular intervals. Jon himself was busy contacting Derpy and relaying messages, essentially acting as the "Go-to person" for both parties, mostly due to the fact that he was the only one on earth with direct contact to her or her world.

Jon also had to deal with countless people requesting to meet with her and others requesting her appearance on whatever given show. Jon had to turn them all away. The official reason was because Celestia didn't like the idea of anyone other than Jon doing business with her subjects. The unofficial reason, which Jon provided to the public via a press release, was that she needed to go back home to fulfill her civil duties as a the mailmare.

What all this meant was he had very little time to think about "Equestrian interviews," so to fill the gap he did his show normally but when it came time for the interview segment, much to the disappointment of many fans, Jon talked with a lower profile individual that he had lined up months ago as filler. This only made the fans wanting for "Equestrian interviews" even greater as displayed by their constant sending of letters, videos, tweets, and many forms of messages. All varying differently in style but all with the same message. We want more!

It was now Saturday night and Jon had managed to (Very easily) convince the executives back at the station to move some programs around for a special Sunday edition of 'The Daily Show.' He wanted to give the fans what they wanted.

The two free days he had leading up to Sunday were used by Jon responsibly. He made phone calls to Celestia only asking for information on some people on the list for future reference. He even got the chance to send the occasional letter or phone call, via Celestia, to various Equestrian citizens requesting their appearance on the show at a later date. This way Jon could set up appearances ahead of time making scheduling much simpler. And, if need be, have a filler or two for any last minute hiccups.

But for now Jon had only one thing on his mind. Who was going to appear as a guest on the special Sunday edition of the show?

"I can't just have anyone on for tomorrow," Jon thought. "Whoever this person is he or she needs to be big." Jon at one point even thought about asking Celestia herself to appear on the show but with further thought decided that it wouldn't be the best idea...at least not right now.

Jon was now sitting atop his desk in his study staring at the list of names Celestia had given him and there at the very top was the same selection of names in bold text. Jon had previously deduced that these names belonged to some very important people of Equestria; partly because they were at the top and in bold but also because among those names was the princess Celestia's as well.

However six of the names were also grouped together in a bracket with the title "E.O.H." These names in order were: Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Applejack. Jon recognized the fist name from his interview with Spike but the other five were a mystery to him. Jon had been doing this for many years and experience had taught him that if you have a high profile celebrity willing to appear on your show you save it for a rainy day. This of course being one of them.

One name however jumped out at him and just as well it was the one located at the bottom of the bracket.

Looking back Jon liked to think he picked this particular name because of the context of the character associated with it. That the person who this name belonged to was someone of utmost importance to the pony community and that she deserved the attention and resulting glory that came with it. But in reality he chose this this particular name simply because it sounded the funniest to him. Applejack...what a silly name.

A few quick dials on his phone later and Jon was once again talking with Celestia, and for the first time he knew exactly who he wanted before hand.

"Greetings, Jon. Its nice to hear from you again," Celestia said without falter. "Do you wish for me to bestow on you more information on somepony?"

"Actually I"m scheduled to go on the air tomorrow," Jon responded. "And I want to talk to you about having someone on that show for an interview."

"Oh that's wonderful." She said kindheartedly, "I was wondering when you would ask again. Though isn't tomorrow a Sunday?"

"Exactly," Jon said, "I managed to get the higher-ups to schedule a show tomorrow. A special occasion like this demands a special guest." Celestia couldn't have agreed more.

"Yes I can certainly see where your coming from." She responded, nodding her head. "I don't suppose you already have someone in mind?" Jon sat up in his chair as if ready to get up at any moment.

"Actually I do," he said, surprising Celestia somewhat. "Tell me, what do you know about...Applejack." She took a second to respond.

"Ahhh Applejack," she responded, sounding as if she was remembering a long lost friend. "If that's who you wish to have on your show next then I must say its a wise choice. I'm certain you'll learn all you need to know during your interview with her but for now I'll say this...she is without a doubt that most honest pony you'll ever meet."

The answering was short and simple, but good enough for Jon.

"Well alright then!" Jon said, sounding like a champion about to defend his title. "Lets set this up!"

"Certainly," Celestia said with a level of excitement much less than Jon's. "After we're done talking I'll summon her to the palace to address the issue. I'm certain that she-"

"Actually," he interrupted, feeling somewhat nervous that he did. "If its all the same with you I want to ask her myself...in person."

"Is that so?" Celestia said, sounding surprised. "Well this is certainly new of you." Jon was still a little uncomfortable with someone of royalty being his personal middle-man, (Lord knows he knew the feeling between Derpy and his studio) but this wasn't why he offered to ask himself. In this particular instance he felt a more direct approach was in order.

"Hey now, I get my own coffee ever now and again," Jon replied jokingly. "But really, I just figured that with someone like this a face to face meeting would be appropriate...that is if she's as important as she seems to be." Celestia found herself humbled by Jon's sense of reverence for the situation.

"I see, how very honorable of you," She said, sounding pleased. "I knew I picked the right person to do this." Jon couldn't help but feel flattered. It wasn't everyday that he was praised by royalty.

"Now then," Celestia continued, readying her horn. "Shall I transport you to her."

"Wait!" He said desperately. "Give me a few minutes." Celestia agreed and Jon put her on hold as he dashed over to his closet.

The last time Jon visited Equestria was the night he got the list of names and the letter explaining what to do with it. That night, in an effort to prove she was real, Celestia teleported him to her royal palace where he had the ill fortune of conducting business with her for the first time in his pajamas.

Jon wasn't going to make the same mistake again. If he was going back to Equestria, on business no less, he was going to do it right.

It took him about fifteen minutes but he eventually adorned himself in a neat black suit, complete with: clean pressed pants, matching jacket, and a tie which (According the collective opinions of his female co-workers) really brought out the color in his eyes. In addition his hair was neatly done, though it was no where near as good as when he was on stage thanks in part to his hair dresser. But for now it would have to do; he was ready.

"Alright, fire away!" He said to Celestia, this time remembering to stand up straight and keep his eyes closed. Celestia acknowledged him and begun to cast her spell. For a moment Jon wondered if he was still in his study but before he could open his eyes to check a light surrounded him so bright that he noticed it through his tightly shut eyelids.

Soon his other senses picked up on telltale signs that he wasn't in his home anymore. The ground beneath his feet felt different, his nose picked up on the smell of wilderness all around him and the beating sun combined with the occasional gust of wind told him he wasn't indoors.

"Where the hell am I now?" Jon thought as he slowly opened his eyes. Back in New York it was still dark but wherever he was now it was bright as could be. Jon squinted and shielded his eyes like he had just emerged from a dark movie theater.

As his eyes adjusted he quickly realized where he was much to his dismay. The last time he was in Equestria he was in the royal chambers of a princess and while this new location was just as surreal it couldn't be any more different. He was on a farm...a chicken coop having, barn yard adjacent, cow pie infested, honest to good farm.

"Well...at least I'm not under dressed." Jon thought with a grimace as a gust of wind blew some dirt onto his pants and dress shoes.

To his right Jon could see an enormous acre of evergreen trees that seemed to go for miles; Jon couldn't see very far inside as it got very dark very fast. To his left he saw a hill with many apple trees just behind it. In front of him was a few buildings which Jon prayed housed some forms of life.

Jon was more accustomed to city life than the country side but even someone like him could tell how this was no ordinary farm. For starters the surrounds and texture of damn near everything was much more vibrant than what one would expect and, like everything else associated with this world, none of it looked real.

With a deep sigh Jon made his way to the nearest building walking gingerly across the terrain as if it were infested with land mines. He was about half way there before a voice seized his attention.

"Who in the hay are you?" A soft voice said from behind.

Jon carefully turned around to see a small yellow Earthpony with red hair and a large pink bow on her head. The young filly was looking up at him with large eyes and much to Jon's surprise she did not have wings or a horn. Her voice, and noticeably small height, told him that whoever this pony was she was but a mere child.

"Uh...hey." Jon said, mentally adjusting himself to talk appropriately. "My name is Jon...um, where am I?" The young pony gave a large smile and answered with a burst of enthusiasm that only a child could give for something as simple as a greeting.

"Well howdy Jon! It's a pleasure to meet you! " The young filly said, extending her hoof towards the buildings behind him. "This here is Sweet apple Acres!" Jon noted that since the this pony knew the farm's name and was already in the area she most likely lived here. Could this be his new guest?

"Sweet apple acres huh? Would've been nice to know that a head of time." He grumbed, only to remember why he was here in the first place. "Oh, uh say...are you Applejack."

"Heck no," she said with a laugh. "I'm Applebloom!" Jon wondered if the recurring theme of apples was somehow related or just coincidence.

"Oh I see. Do you know Applejack?" Jon asked.

"Well of course I do! Everypony knows Applejack!" She said with a proud look on her face. "She's mah sister!"

Before Jon could ask where he could find his potential guest the young Earthpony began to speak again. It was now her turn to start asking the questions.

"What are ya anyway?" Applebloom said.

"Um excuse me?" Jon replied.

"What are ya?" She repeated louder, now circling Jon like a shark. "You sure aint no pony I've ever seen."

"I'm not a pony," he said. "I'm a human."

"A human? Whats that?" She asked as she continued to observe him.

"Uh...It's...what I am." Jon said, unsure of how to go about answering such a question. "Uh, but listen I really need to--"

"Where you from, Jonny?" Applebloom interrupted.

"Oh well I'm from New York?" He responded, suddenly feeling like he was under a microscope. "But that's not imp--"

"New York?" Applebloom said, looking confused. "Where's that?"

"Uuum... its that way." Jon said, pointing in a random direction. "Now could you please tell me wh--"

"What do you do in New York?" She asked. Jon was started to get annoyed.

"I have my own television show," he said. "But listen please I really need to speak with--"

"Wait a minute!" Applebloom interrupted, "You have your own T.V. show!? Are you Jon Stewart?!" Jon's frustration now gave way to a sense of bewilderment.

"Uh yes- yes I am. I host 'The Daily Show." Jon said. The mere mention of the show seemed to resonate with the young Earthpony as her face lit up in excitement.

"Do...do you watch the show?" Jon said, secretly hoping that she didn't. He didn't have any puritanical hang-ups on children watching his show. (He himself could recall a time in his life where he would sneak a peek at a nudey magazine at a local drug store when his mother wasn't looking, its just what kids do.) But seeing one in person would've be somewhat awkward.

"No I don't." She replied, looking rather disappointing. "The older ponies won't let us fillys watch it...t'ain't fair." Jon found it interesting, though not surprising, that forms of censorship existed in this world as well.

Applebloom fell silent for a moment as she continued to display her disapproval by kicking at the ground. Jon took this moment of silence to ask her the question he wanted to ask in the first place.

"Listen Appleboom," he said, "Do you know where your sister is right now?" She looked back up at Jon, her expression back to looking cheerful.

"Why sure I do! She's right over that clearing gathering apples." She said, pointing in the direction of the apple trees.

"Why do ya wanna know? Is she in some kind of--" Before she could finish her sentence a sense of realization swept over her face as her jaw dropped. She spread all four of her legs slightly apart in a stance as if she was bracing herself for a head on collision with a wild bull.

"WAIT A SECOND!" Applebloom blurted excitedly. "Are you fixin to invite mah sister on your fancy pants show!?" Jon had found his opening.

"Yep! You got me!" Jon said with a smile, as he lowered himself closer to her level. "Now, would you be a sweetheart and go get her for me?"

"I sure can, Jonny!" She said as she bolted off towards the hill so quickly she almost tripped over her own hoof.

As Jon waited for her inevitable return he continued to walk over to the nearest building where he found a rocking chair on a porch to sit on. For a brief moment he felt strangely at ease as he let himself rock back and forth. Maybe it was fresh air, or the fact that he was so far away from the hustle and bustle of the big city, but he felt a sense of relaxation he hadn't felt in a while.

His brief moment of isolation was soon interrupted by the familiar voice of Applebloom shouting nearby.

"JONNY, JONNY!" She said. "WHERE ARE YA!?" The angle of the house meant that she couldn't see him, not without venturing further in. Before he could respond another voice was heard, this one much older sounding and whoever it was she was talking to young Applebloom.

"Now, sugar cube," the other voice said. "What have I told you l about fibbin'?"

"But, sis," Applebloom pleaded. "He was right here, I swear!"

"Sure he was," the other voice said in jest. "Now why don't y'all go and play with you friends while I finish gatherin' up the last batch of apples." Jon wanted to see how far he could stay out of sight before being found but decided to stop torturing the poor filly and unveil himself.

With that he got up from his chair and quickly rounded the corner to surprise the natives.

"Howdy Pardner!" He said jokingly.

His sudden appearance surprised the two Earthponies who were were a lot closer than Jon thought. Applebloom jumped back in shock but unfortunately the other pony present had other plans as she very quickly turned around and with all her might threw her hind legs at Jon in a swift but devastating kicking motion.

Before Jon could even realize what had happened he was already a few feet away from where he was standing. Flat on his back on the dirty ground, the wind knocked out of him, and two perfect hoof prints on his new button down shirt. If his suit wasn't ruined before it was now.

Before Jon could even begin to get up he was greeted by the two Earthponies. One of whom was of course Applebloom and the other was one he did not recognize. This new pony was orange and had blonde hair which was slightly covered by a brown cowboy hat. Her cutie mark was three apples and she looked to be even dirtier than Jon. He knew exactly who this was.

"I'm so sorry!" The orange pony said. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Jon said getting up. He looked over at his freckled attacker who had a look of worry on her face. "Applejack, I presume?"

Episode 4 [Ms. Cheerilee]: The classroom

"And there goes another one!" Jon thought as he lowered his hand in defeat. If living in the New York had taught him anything it was that hailing a cab is all but impossible. But this didn't stop him for very long and in no short amount of time he was already at it again. He needed to get home right away.

The day started off like any other for him, normal and predictable. But like most days as of late it wouldn't stay that way for very long. Ever since he took on the challenge of interviewing guests from Equestria he noticed that as the day went on it gradually transitioned from routine to blissful-abnormality.

However this time around the break in his usual schedule came in the form of a phone call from a very beloved and important person in his life...his mother. She called Jon at first to congratulate him once more on his recent success (At this point The Daily Show was still number one in the ratings) but then wanted to see if he was free for dinner that night.

Due to his busy schedule, which was now busier than ever, he rarely got the chance to see her, so he agreed. That night Jon and his mother, Marian Leibowitz, sat down at a local restaurant to catch up on things. Jon didn't want to talk about work but she couldn't help but congratulate her son one last time on recent events.

Jon always had the same rule when it came to social gatherings with friends and family. And that rule was: "Never. Talk. Politics." In his experience the mere mention of anything even remotely political could ruin a lovely evening, but unfortunately even with his own mother the topic was unavoidable.

This time around the subject of education came up. More specifically how, in the it's current economic state, the country was beginning to levy cuts to schools, their programs, and teacher's salaries. This line of conversation was not unexpected; Marian herself was a school teacher. She even spoke about some her friends, who were also teachers, and how a few of them lost their jobs due to budget cuts.

This hurt Jon to hear; growing up with a mother who was also a teacher made him a huge proponent of educators and their lifestyles. As a political satirist he knew how education was once again on the chopping block in America but to hear how it was so close to his own mother didn't do much to put him at ease. After their dinner (Which Jon had to admit was very nice despite all things) the two gave each other one last hug and kiss before going their separate ways.

As Jon walked down the semi-crowded street he thought about how much his mom meant to him and how much of an important role she played in his life.

"It was really nice seeing her again." He thought to himself, as he crossed the street. He continued to think about about how much she's done for him and how much he wished he could help both her and those like her. The last time he did something big for a worthwhile cause was his "Rally to Restore Sanity," and before that it was a fundraiser for kids with autism. And while something like that would help raise awareness he knew exactly what those at Comedy Central would say: "Not in the budget right now."

Jon soon found himself at at busy street corner still lost in thought. He wondered if he could have a segment at some point on his show about education. The problem with that idea was that at the moment education reform wasn't the "hot button" issue like it had been in the past. For the time being everyone was talking about the upcoming election and the Olympics going on in London. Both of which were topics Jon knew he had a responsibility to talk about.

Jon all but gave up on the idea, but just as he waved to random driver who let him cross the road an idea popped into his his head...a simple idea but one that only he had the resources to achieve.

But now here came the hard part.

"TAXI!" He shouted, trying to get the attention of a moving vehicle.

Later that night Jon found himself out of breath as he desperately ran up the stairs of his house to get to his study. When he finally arrived to his desired location he quickly and without thinking dialed the number of the only person who could help him right now. Princess Celestia.

"Greetings Jon." She said, "How can I--"

"A school teacher!" Jon blurted out, as he frantically burrowed through the many stacks of paper on his desk, looking for the list of names. "Wasn't there a school teacher on that list!?"

"Well a fine 'hello' to you too," Celestia said with a chuckle. "Dear Jon is everything alright? You sound as if you are in trouble."

"No, no, no, I'm...I'm fine." He displayed by lowering his rate of speech. "Uh listen...when we talked the other day I remember you mentioned something about someone being a teacher?"

Jon at last found the list of names. His handwriting could be seen all over it; foot notes for future reference. And there, on the last page no less, was a name circled with the phrase: "School teacher," written next to it.

"AH! Yeah right here," Jon said pointing to the paper. "This...Ms. Cheerilee...she's a teacher isn't she?"

"Indeed she is," Celestia answered. "Might I ask why you wish to know?"

"Um, yeah of course," He said gathering his thoughts and catching his breath. "I would like to have her on my show...like tomorrow."

"Oh dear," she said. "And here I thought you've been trying to avoid the last minute requests." Celestia was right. Jon wanted to get out of the habit of asking people the day before if they wanted to appear on his show. He wanted to have a more concrete schedule for days at a time but this was different.

"I know, I know but something...sorta came up." Jon said pausing as he was once again reminded of his mother. "Look Celestia...I don't know if its the same for you guys but over here in the states teachers are constantly undermined by the media and they're plights are never recognized."

"That's so awful to hear," Celestia said with a level of concern only she could express for something that didn't concern her. "But if I may be so bold...what does this have to do with our Ms. Cheerilee?" To Jon it meant everything.

"Look if your education system is anything like ours than this Ms. Cheerilee is probably as ignored and neglected by the community as our teachers." Jon said, who almost ended his last statement with 'my mother.' "So I wish to interview her and in doing so give her the attention I'm sure she deserves."

"Well, while I am glad to hear of your admirable intentions allow me to put your mind at ease," She said in a comforting manner. "Nopony in Ponyville is nothing short of an important asset to the community. Everypony here treats each other with the utmost respect, I can assure you."

"While that may be true for Equestria," Jon replied in a serious tone. "I"m afraid it's an entirely different case here in America. Look...you're probably right, but the thing is...I think people here in our world can really benefit from an interview like this. If your citizens, and by extension this teacher, are as well off as you say they are then I'm sure the public should see what life is like on the other side. Maybe then they can start thinking about...oh I don't know...reform in our world."

Celestia didn't say anything. She was stunned at how this mere mortal could show such compassion for others around him. Here he had the resources to interview any number of mythical creatures to further is own career and yet he uses the opportunity in the hopes of better the lives of others.

"Besides," Jon continued, "I still say this Ms. Cheerilee could stand to have a little more exposure. You may disagree with me but I'm guessing there's a reason her name is located almost at the very end of the list while others get theirs on the front and in bold. This Celestia could not deny.

"Well Jon I must say I am impressed." She said, her respect for him now at an all new high. "You may be from New York but if I didn't know any better I'd swear you were a member of Ponyville." Jon couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks Celestia," Jon said rubbing the back of his head. "Buuut I'm afraid I like having fingers too much." After a short giggle and pause Celestia gave Jon two options on what would happen next.

"So...shall I send a royal letter or would you rather I teleport you to her?" She asked. Jon almost answered the question right away but before he did a thought manifested inside his head. He quickly turned his head to a nearby mirror catching a glimpse of the somewhat elegant suite he wore for the dinner he just had with his mother (Something which she insisted he didn't have to do). It was certainly an acceptable attire one could wear in a variety of public places but he couldn't help but remind himself of his last, unpleasant, visit to Equestria.

"Your not sending me to a farm again, are you?" Jon asked rubbing his stomach, sounding a little on the annoyed side.

"No, I assure this place will be quite more accepting of whatever you decide to wear." She said sounding apologetic. "It'll also be a lot more...let's say hospitable as well."

"Well alright then." Jon said clapping his hands in anticipation. "Beam me down Scottie!"

Jon now more used to this than before stood up and closed his eyes immediately, waiting for the princess to conjure her magic. With a quick burst of light Jon was now in a new location altogether. Usually Jon would have time to slowly open his eyes and, at his own pace, deduce for himself where he was. But the sound of many voices collectively gasping forced him to open his eyes and quickly realize where he was.

It was bright outside so Jon could see clearly without any help. He was in a large room only somewhat bigger than his study, with many more windows. All around him were pictures that looked like they'd been drawn by a child...it looked like that because that was indeed the case. Sitting right In front him were over a dozen pair of eyes, each belonging to a young filly or colt; each wide in astonishment and each of them staring directly at Jon with their mouths agape. Celestia had teleported him in the middle of a classroom.

Jon was used to being in front of crowds; It was his world and it's how he started his career but this was different. Being in front of a group of children was not his usual forte. He was reminded of a story his good friend Zach Galifianakis told him awhile back about how he had do standup for a bunch of children only to run out of material before it was over...Jon now knew the feeling.

The collection of children, Jon noted, varied in appearance from pony to pony. Some were bigger than others while some had vastly different color schemes. He had never seen so many ponies in one spot before. The majority of the students were fillys and all of them were an almost even collection of Unicorn, Pegasus, and Earthpony...one whom Jon actually recognized.

"HEY JOHNNY!" A student sitting up front said, breaking the silence and earning her the attention of the rest of the class. Jon recognized that giant pink bow anywhere. It was Applejack's kid sister; Applebloom.

"Fancy meetin' you here!" She said. "Are ya back again to-"

Before she could finish a voice coming from behind Jon cut her off and immediately got the attention of the class...mostly.

"Excuse me sir but we are in the middle of class time!" The voice said. Whoever it was she sounded much older than the majority of ponies present, and her tone of voice carried with it much authority. Jon turned around to see a purple colored Earthpony glaring at him looking rather perturbed. Her mane was light purple with streaks of pale, light gray rose and her cutie mark depicted three smiling sunflowers.

"Who are you!" The purple pony said. "Or for that matter...what are you?" Before Jon could answer Applebloom sprung from her seat and dashed in front of him, almost as if she was about to take a bullet.

"Wait Ms. Cheerilee!" Applebloom pleaded. "This is Johnny! He's a human! Please don't hurt him, he's real friendly like!" Jon was grateful for young Appleboom vouching of him, though he was pretty sure he wasn't in any real danger. The only thing on his mind was what she had just said. That his Purple Earthpony standing before him was his target. The school teacher, Ms. Cheerilee!

"Wait...'Johnny?'" Cheerilee said with a sudden sense of realization. "And he's human." She was starting to put two and two together and at that moment she recognized his face. She now knew who he was.

"Actually its Jon...Jon Stewart," He said, now spinning back to Applebloom. "Uh listen sweety, I need to have word with your teacher. So why don't you be a good girl and get back to your seat while the adults talk in private."

Usually Applebloom would have objected to being talked down to and insisted she listen in but she was quite fond of Jon so she obeyed and went back to her seat, where she was greeted by her fellow classmates whispering questions at her.

With his identify now cleared up Jon was free to talk with his potential guest. He made his away around her desk where he greeted her with a handshake and kneeled down so she could hear him.

"Hello Ms Cheerilee," Jon said, in a low voice. "Like I said my name is Jon Stewart. I'm the host of 'The Daily Show.' I don't know if you've ever heard of it."

"O-oh well I- That is to say yes...yes I have heard of it." She said still slightly in shock. She wasn't used to a celebrity from another world being present in her classroom. "Some of my best friends are real big fans of yours...but listen I am in the middle of something here so...can I ask what are you doing here?"

"Oh certainly!" Jon said, feeling guilty that he interrupted what appeared to be a lecture. "Well, I'm here because I was wondering if you would be willing to appear on my show?" This sudden news surprised Cheerilee greatly. She was certain that he had appeared in her class completely by accident or that he was lost. The thought hadn't occurred to her that he was scouting for talent, and she definitely didn't think for even a second that he was here for her.

"You want to what!" She exclaimed. Her sudden outburst caused her students to look up at her; she covered her mouth and motioned for them to go back to what they were doing. After lowering her voice she began speaking with Jon again. "I'm sorry but you want me on your show...ME?!"

"Yeah!" Jon said encouragingly, while still as a whisper. "I think it would be a great opportunity if I interviewed someone like you."

"Som-Someone like me?" She pondered out loud. "What do you mean by that? I mean...why me?"

"What I mean is you're a teacher right? So I believe that if someone in your position were to be interviewed on my show it would be a great segment for my viewers. 'Must-see-T.V.' if you will." Jon said doing his best to convince the unsure pony.

"Oooh I...I don't know" Cheerilee said, trying her best to not look rustled. "I mean...wh-when would you even want on your show?"

"Uh...oh about sometime tomorrow." Jon said with a guilty look on his face.

"TOMORROW!?" She shouted, this time permanently gaining the attention of her students. Noticing this she quickly turned to address her class. "Now, now students nothing to worry about. Please continue reading from your books." None of them did.

"I can't just leave my class tomorrow!" She said, whispering so loud the class heard her.

"Can yo-- Is there any chance you can get someone to sub for you?" Jon asked, hoping he wasn't coming off too pushy.

"Well I mean, I suppose I could get twilight to- I mean no!...I...I'm sorry Mr. Stewart but I don't think I can appear on your show." She said shaking her head.

"OK I'm gonna level with you," Jon said seriously. "I feel that if I have influential people on my show real change can be made in my world...and I feel that change can start with us." Cheerilee didn't quite know how to respond.

"But...but then why are you asking me," She said looking confused. "I'm sure you can find somepony more important than me to go on your show...I mean I'm just a teacher."

The phrase "just a teacher" didn't register with Jon's brain. What got to him the most was that it wasn't said by some out of touch politician on capital hill but from an actual teacher. It was that kind of mentality that inspired Jon to ask her in the first place; now more than ever he needed her on his show. Jon had no choice...it was time to play dirty.

"I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do." Jon said with a sigh. Before Cheerilee could respond Jon had already stood up and faced the class. She may have been their teacher and they her students but the ponies present in the class was still an audience. And Jon, being the renowned comedian of many years, knew exactly how to talk to an audience.

"Hey Kids!" Jon said with overacting enthusiasm. "My name is Jon Stewart and I host a show called 'The Daily Show!' Who here knows about that show?" A surprising amount of students raised their hooves.

"Well alright! So kids tell me..." Jon said, sliding to the side and extending his arms out at Cheerilee as if she was a new model car at an auto show. "...who here wants to see their teacher, Ms. Cheerilee, on T.V.!?"

Jon's question was met with every child's eyes as wide as the moon, and their faces glowing with excitement. Her fate was sealed.

Episode 4 [Ms. Cheerilee]: Please welcome to the show Ms. Cheerilee

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Ms. Cheerilee (Cheerilee)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

With the the last commercial just finishing up the camera made its way down the center of the stage to get a good view of Jon Stewart who could be seen pretending to read from his notes in an overly dedicated manner. As the roar of the crowd continued Jon found himself now looking at the camera making body gestures as if he's not quite sure where he is only to "realize" he's on air and begins to speak.

"Welcome back to the show, my quest tonight;" Jon said pointing to the camera. "She is a beloved citizen of Ponyville and a teacher at Ponyville Elementary School. Please welcome to the show, Ms. Cheerilee!

As the crowd cheers for their guest to reveal herself the camera switches positions to view the backstage at an angle in anticipation for the Earthpony's arrival. Finally, after short wait, Ms. Cheerilee emerges from backstage which causes the cheers of the crowd to increase with excitement. Jon, as well at others in attendance, noticed that it took a little bit longer than usual for the guest to emerge from backstage. This was simply because she took an extra few seconds to make sure she looked alright.

Jon lightly jogged over to greet his guest halfway on the stage, where he shook her hoof and guided her back to the desk. Upon their arrival Jon offered her a seat by manually lowering the guest chair so she could easily get one. A gesture which she seemed to be very appreciative of as she jumped on and thanked him with a smile. Jon adjusted her chair up a bit but not before giving her one last shake of the hoof. Jon, now back in his seat, sits and waits for the crowd to stop cheering before beginning the interview. An interview he was really looking forward to.

"Welcome to the show Ms. Cheerilee, it's great to have you here," Jon said extending his arms out.

"Thank you very much for having me...though I didn't have much choice in the matter now did I?" She said with a smile, not showing a hint of animosity or scorn.

"I...I have no idea what you're talking about." He replied, pulling his collar as if to let out some pent up steam.

"I think you do Mr. Stewart." Cheerilee said, giving Jon the same look she'd give a student who was misbehaving. "You basically turned my class against me in order to get to get me on your show."

"I did no such thing!" He said throwing up a lone finger, looking as though he was making a declaration.

"But don't worry Mr. Stewart...I'll remember this the next time your in Ponyville." She said placing a hoof on Jon's hand. Her 'threat' was made all the more unnerving by her giving him a friendly wink and smile.

"...SO! Your a teacher!" Jon said, in a comically transparent attempt to change the subject. Both Cheerilee and the audience laughed as Jon slowly took back his hand from the clutches of his guest. Before She could answer Jon spoke again.

"Oh and sorry again for interrupting your class." Jon continued now looking at the audience. "Oh yeah, for those those at home who don't know I sort of got teleported in the middle of her class while she was teaching some kids or whatever-- eh it's no big deal."

"It's quite alright Mr. Stewart." Cheerilee said. "I must admit you made quite an impression on my class. They, like most ponies in Equestria, have never seen a human before. So to see you appear out of no where and sweep me away really got their imaginations going."

"You know I've been wondering something." Jon interjected. "You uh-- you yourself say most people in Equestria have never seen a human before...but for one to appear in your classroom like I did...I'm amazed you kept your composure the way you did."

"Well I didn't think--" Cheerilee said before getting interupted.

"I mean you didn't even call the Pony Police on me or anythying," Jon said.

"Well Jon," She said clearing her throat. "The reason why I didn't panic is because...well as you know I am a teacher; my students look up to me and It is my job to always make sure I act appropriately in their presence. If I did panic or get scared at your sudden arrival then I would have run the risk of having my students do the same, and as their teacher I could not allow that. I had to act brave and in charge for them."

"Wow...well I must say that is very chivalrous and responsible of you. Had it been me I probably would have just used one of the kids as a distraction and head for the hills." Jon said sounding uncomfortably genuine to his guest. Cheerilee wasn't by any means a comedian but nevertheless she wanted to see if she could match wits with Jon.

"Besides that...another reason why I didn't panic is because in truth you don't look that dangerous or intimidating," She said, causing the audience to laugh at Jon. "I figured worse case scenario I probably could have handled the situation myself."

"So your saying you could've taken me?" Jon retorted, standing up briefly to display his height. "Because I'm like twice your size...you don't even know what I can do!"

"Well that may be true," Cheerilee responded quickly pointing to Jon's midsection. "But if I recall the last time you had a run in with an Earthpony it didn't turn out so well in your favor." The sound of laughter and eventually cheers prevented Jon from responding right away. He didn't show signs of waver from her last statement but he couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed in himself for walking so easily into it.

"...Touche'," Jon said, lifting his mug to Cheerilee and rubbing his stomach. He took a sip and was about to say something but before he did he turned to camera once more.

"Oh and Applejack if your watching this: Round two is next week!" He yelled while standing up and flexing. "I'll meet you outback in the church parking lot!" Cheerilee wanted to comment on how Jon's goofy disposition proved her point on how he wasn't much of a threat but couldn't as she was too busy laughing at his performance.

"You know...when last I saw you, prior to this interview" Jon continued. "Your students seemed very happy about you going on this show. Tell me are...are any of them watching the program right now?" Cheerilee, still laughing, gave a worried look at the thought.

"Well, I certainly hope not. I mean nothing against your show, its great, but I don't think it's appropriate for younger ponies." She said. "Although I hear some of the adults are letting them watch this segment just this once... so long as you tone down the dirty words." Jon was about to respond by swearing purposely but decided against it.

"I see. So did any of your students do anything special for this occasion before you left?" Jon asked while fiddling with his pen.

"Actually yes they did!" Cheerilee said with a look of delight across her face. "They actually got together this morning in front of the schoolhouse to wish me luck before I left. They even pulled their allowances together to get me this!" Cheerilee reached down and picked up a small camera with her mouth and placed it on the table. Jon wasn't very knowledgeable about photography but even he could see that it wasn't that impressive. It was no where near good enough to be called a "professional camera" but at the same time it wasn't cheap.

"They want me to take pictures while I'm here and show it to them later," She continued, holding the camera in her hooves. "When I get back I'll have the photos developed in the school's basement and present it to them as a lecture on Human life. Which reminds me...smile!" With that she took a picture of Jon, momentarily blinding him with a flash.

"Wow..." Jon said rubbing his eyes. "Leave it to a teacher to take something as simple as a gift from her students and turn it into homework." Cheerilee found Jon's observation to be both humorous and slightly accurate; deciding there to just show it them as in class slideshow for fun.

"Now obviously your students are exited for you to be here tonight...but what about you Ms. Cheerilee?" Jon asked leaning forward. "You-- how are you liking your stay in New York so far?"

"Well all things considered I'd by lying if I said I wasn't excited to be here today," Cheerilee said with a giggle. "I don't leave Ponyville much because of my responsibilities to my students. Plus I love going to new places and learning new things. I must admit I never thought I'd get the chance to visit another world. And of course my students really wanted me to go so I didn't want to disappoint them...though a part of me feels they only wanted me to go cause they now get a substitute teacher."

"That's right you had someone fill in for you while you were away," Jon interjeted. "If I recall you...you had gotten Twilight Sparkle to fill in for you."

"That is correct Jon. She once told that if I ever needed her to she would gladly watch the class for me." She replied. "Shes probably the smartest pony we have in Ponyville so I'm sure she'll do a good job...though I am a little worried. My students can be a real handful sometimes."

"Aaah I get ya," Jon responded, nodding his head. "I remember when I was in their age me and my friends were always pulling pranks on our homeroom teacher. I'm guessing it's the same to you?"

"Well, I guess you can say that," Cheerilee said. "There have been the occasional prank or two."

"Like what?" Jon asked, wondering if pony pranks were anything like human ones. "Giv-give us an example."

"Well...there was this one time where the kids switched my sugar with salt an-- oh wait no, that Pinkie Pie..." She said rubbing her head. "Oh no wait I remember one: This one time somepony switched the signs on the "Filly" and "Colt" bathroom doors and I- oh wait that was also Pinkie Pie. Ok well uh, just the other day the town's drinking water...no that, that was Pinkie Pie too. Lets see, that was Pinkie Pie...that was Pinkie Pie...that was also Pinkie Pie..."

Jon watched as Cheerilee tried and failed to remember a single Prank that was pulled on her that didn't involve Pinkie Pie. It was a lot harder than she thought.

"Sorry Mr. Stewart," She said looking defeated. "It's hard thinking of a Prank that was pulled around town without thinking of her...she sorta does most of them."

"Ya don't saaaay?" Jon exclaimed giving her a look.

"OH! I just thought of one!" Cheerilee said. "And this one doesn't involve Pinkie Pie!"

"OK!" Jon said pretending to stretch. "Lay it on me!"

"Well I'm not sure if this counts as a prank but this one time During Hearts and Hooves day some of my students went and created a love potion," She said gaining the attention of everyone listening. "And while their hearts were in the right place they used it on me to try and get me a date. Turns out it was actually a love poison, and as a result me and a stallion by the name of Big Macintosh ended up falling in love with each other against our will." Jon was at a lost of words while the audience just laughed at the now blushing Earthpony.

"Why...I mean, whatever happened to simply putting a frog in the teachers top drawer?" Jon said in comical frustration. "Nowadays the kids have to invent new ways to alter with a teachers sense of reality."

"Oh it wasn't so bad," She insisted. "In the end they broke the spell and I forgave them."

"There are...so many questions I could ask about-- I mean for starters who gave them the idea to make that?" Jon asked.

"They actually got the idea from an old fairy tale book." She answered.

"Lesson learned! Kids! Don't read books!" Jon said whipping his hands. He waited for his guest to stop laughing before continuing. "Ok, so wh-where did they these kids get that book?"

"Oh well they got it from...Twilight Sparkle." Cheerilee said, raising her head in realization.

"Twilight Sparkle?" Jon asked. "You meeeean the same Twilight Sparkle...who is currently watching over your class?"

"Oh dear." She said, rubbing the back of her head. "I may not have thought that one all the way through."

"Ahem! Well I hope you have tenure." Jon said shuffling through his notes. "Also before we move one...you dated Big Macintosh?"

"I suppose I did," Cheerilee answered, still blushing. "He even had some corny pet names for me. At one point we even talked about getting married" Jon could almost count the seconds exactly for the audience to respond with an "Aaaawww."

"Wait, wait, wait...are you telling me that Big Macintosh actually said more than two words to you that wasn't 'nope' or 'yep?'" Jon asked, getting a nod in return. "Wow...he really must have been in love you."

Everyone in attendance understood the reference, and all shared a good bout of laughter as a result.

Jon always tried to avoid asking the most obvious questions, at least till the end, but this was one he couldn't avoid for much longer.

"So, Ms. Cheerilee, when did you first discover you wanted to be a teacher?" Jon asked, genuinely curious. The question caused her to tilt her head upwards as if to reminisce.

"Oh many years ago, Mr Stewart. I first discovered my love of teaching when I was younger, around the age of my students. And then one day I woke up and discovered this cutie mark," She said lifting her flank slightly so the people could get a view. "It represents the joy I feel whenever I cause somepony to bloom with knowledge! And ever since that day I knew I was meant to be a teacher!"

Her answer though very touching left Jon and subsequently almost everyone watching the program in a state of confusion. He took his pen out of his mouth and began tapping it against his desk, lost in thought.

"I'm sorry but...uh, 'cutie marks?'" Jon asked, looking around as if the answer was lying on the ground somewhere.

"That's right...Oh my," Cheerilee responded, noticing how lost he looked. "You don't know about cutie marks?"

"No. Can't say I do, talking purple pony from another world." Jon said, reminded her of the situation. With a quick laugh and a gleam in her eyes Cheerilee turned slightly to the audience and responded as if she was teaching a classroom.

"Well then allow me to tell you! You see back back in my world we ponies have a thing called 'cutie marks,'" She said once again raising her flank. "Now, as you can see a cutie mark is a symbol located on a ponies flank. It's a visual representation of a pony's special talent and in most cases what their profession is. Most ponies get them at a very young age once they themselves discover what it is that makes them unique. Everypony get's one eventually, its our right of passage as we grow up."

Jon found this to be interesting and at the same time hard to believe. Before asking his next question he tried to recall the cutie marks of his all the ponies he'd met at that point, though Applejack's was the only one we could remember for obvious reasons. He had certainly noticed that they had them but up until now he just assumed they were some sort of trendy fashion statement.

"So you're telling me that all ponies...eventually get this 'cutie mark' on their upper hips and it supposed to represent their career path?" Jon asked, raising one eyebrow.

"That's one way of putting it, yes!" Cheerilee stated, feeling happy she got to teach him something. "You humans don't have anything like that here in your world?"

"Not really," Jon said, sitting up in his seat. "The only thing even remotely resembling that here are things called 'tramp stamps' that some women get, and trust me when I say you don't wanna know what their special talent is." The crowd laughed at Jon's joke but Cheerilee was still focused on Jon, as this was her first time learning about human culture.

"I see. Well if you humans don't get cutie marks how do you know what your special talents are?" She asked. The question posed to Jon wasn't as easy to answer as he thought."

"Well..." he said, thinking carefully about the question. "To put it simply some of us just know. Others unfortunately go through most of their lives unsure of what their meant to do."

"That's sounds awful." She said.

"Yeah but in most cases, myself included, they have a dedicated role model to help guide them along the path of uncertainty," Jon said, sincerely. "You know, someone like you." His left field compliment caused Cheerilee to blush somewhat.

"Why thank you, Mr. Stewart!" She said. "So tell me, what's your special talent?" He didn't even have to think of how to respond to that.

"Being Jewish." He answered strait faced. Again her love of learning new things distracted Cheerilee from the sound of immense laughter coming from the audience.

"Very interesting. And when did you first discover your talent for being Jewish?" She asked.

"Well according to my mom i-it right around my circumcisions." He responded.

"And what exactly is a 'circumcision?'" Cheerilee asked rubbing her hoof against her chin.

"Well its a Jewish right of passage, much like you getting your cutie mark," Jon answered, determined to ride this joke straight to hell. "Only instead of gaining an ass tattoo I lost my forsk-- BUT that's neither here or there."

Jon now felt that needed to ask some serious questions while he could before her time on air ran out.

"So riddle me this, Ms. Cheerilee. You say that most ponies get their cutie mark when their around the age of of your students." He said. "So do you ever get a student or two who, for lack of a better term, 'freak out' over not getting the-- their cutie mark?" It was a perfectly valid question but nevertheless it caused Cheerilee to almost fall out of her chair laughing.

"Oh...oh Mr. Stewart!" She said, holding her sides. "Y-y-you have NO idea!" Jon had no way of knowing it at the time but somewhere in Ponyville at that very moment a certain young earthpony, and her two friends, were getting lovingly hazed.

In the interest of time Jon decided not to venture further into the subject even thought he very much wanted to.

"So tell me Ms. Cheerilee," Jon said scooting himself closer to his guest. "Well first let me start by saying that here in our country we're going through something of a debt crisis; unfortunately certain sectors of civil jobs have been cut financially as a result."

"Oh dear! Well that does sound serious." She said, holding a hoof to her mouth.

"Indeed it is," Jon responded. "Which is why I'm wondering, when was the last time budget cuts were levied at your level of teaching?" The question seemed to confused her.

"Budget cuts?" She said, looking as if Jon was speaking in foreign tongue. "You mean when funding is taken away from the school?"

"Yes exactly," Jon answered. "When was the last time it happened to you-- oh and how did you handle it." Cheerilee still looked confused, so she responded delicately as if saying the wrong thing could get her catapulted from her seat at any moment.

"Well Mr. Stewart..." She said. "I'm fortunate enough never have experience such a thing. The truth of the matter is in Equestria we don't take funding away from education...ever." The answer got Jon's immediate attention as well at the attention from millions around the world.

"Excuse me?" Jon said in shock. "Ever?"

"That's right," Cheerilee said surprised by Jon's being surprised. "Why in the name of Celestia would anypony cut funding to education? It's an institute designed to nurture and advance the minds of our children, that kind of service should be cherished above all things."

Her logic made a lot of sense to Jon yet at the same time he couldn't help but think of how impossible it seemed.

"If-- I mean if there's never any cuts to education then one can assume you are pretty well off," Jon said hoping not to offend. "Do you ever...think about retiring?"

"Well it's funny you should mention that," Cheerilee said. "I can actually retire right now if I wanted to. I come from somewhat wealthy family who guarantees that I could retire and go live with them."

"Then why don't you?" Jon asked almost knowing exactly what her answer would be.

"Well because Mr. Stewart," She said, pausing to gather her thoughts. "I love my job. I love the look on a child's face when they learn something new, I love telling parents that their child is doing well in my class, I love seeing students leave the classroom with more knowledge than when they entered, but most of all I love the feeling of knowing I'm helping mold the minds of future generations."

Jon didn't say a word. He just sat there and marveled at how much this stranger reminded him so much of his own mother.

"I mean, all this talk about education being cut and why teach in the in the first place just seems crazy to me," She continued with much fire in her heart. "If we don't care about the future of our children then they won't care enough to lead it."

There was a slight pause before the audience slowly then quickly began to applaud the Earthpony.

"You know what," Jon responded, nodding and giving a slow clap. "I couldn't agree more. But listen I'm sure you're more used to saying this than hearing it but would you mind staying after class for a few minutes to talk and we'll throw the rest up on the web?"

"Sure thing Mr. Stewart!" She said with a big smile. "Only if you agree to get a picture of me with your audience!"

"Done!" He said turning to the audience who was already cheering at the top of their lungs. "Ms. Cheerilee everyone! We'll be right back!"

The audience begins to stand and applaud as the camera shows Jon whispering something into Ms. Cheerilee's ear. The camera slowly paned away at a slightly different angle to see Cheerilee get up from her seat and pose in front of the audience as Jon snaps a quick picture. Soon the show fades into its next commercial.

Episode 5 [Octavia]: The Cellist

"Thank you for joining us. Here it is, your moment of zen!" By uttering these words Jon signals for his staff to play the last video clip before going off air. Another day another episode.

Jon could still hear the screams of his fans as he made his way backstage; weaving his way through a gauntlet of staff workers, occasionally receiving a thumbs up or someone saying "good job." After a few seconds of navigating Jon finally found his way to his office where he liked to go after each show to mentally unwind. His version of a cool down lap.

No sooner did he collapse in his hair did someone knock on his door and ask to come in. Usually no one would do such a thing as it was an unwritten rule that after a show no is to disturb Jon for awhile, but in this case Jon made an exception.

"Yes Selina; doors open." Jon yelled, sitting up in chair and buttoning up his coat to hid his protruding stomach.

A woman walked in wearing mostly black. Her dark brown hair held tightly back in a professional looking bun which complimented her glasses and Pantsuit. This was her usual ensemble with the only thing missing being her diamond necklace. The woman was Selina Jenson, the backstage manager and Jon's personal assistant.

"The show went very well today. The crowd especially took a liking to your Romney impersonation." She said, her gaze never leaving the clipboard she usually had with her.

"Thanks Selina," Jon responded as he took out his trusty list of names. "Could you please tell the tech guys to do something about the soundboard. The dramatic 'dun dun dun' sound effect came in kinda late."

"Of course, Sir." She said, still looking at her clipboard. "I'll make a note of that and have it fixed by tomorrow."

Jon was about tell her to call him 'Jon' instead of 'sir,' as it made him feel old. He didn't however as it would have been pointless; he'd asked her to do so many times before but she never did. It was just they was she was, always professional all the time. Jon didn't complain though, she was a great assistant. She was 20 years his junior and already she knew the ins and outs of the entertainment business almost as much as him.

As she jotted down anther note in on her clipboard she noticed the list of names on his desk. At first she thought nothing of it but her curiosity was peaked once she recognized a name or two.

"So that's the famous list I've heard so much about." She said. "Can I have a look?"

Jon, at the behest of Celestia (And even his own bosses) made sure to keep the details of how they did business a secret. Many people were trying to figure out how Jon was communicating with the people of Equestria in an attempt to do the same themselves. But in this case he figured letting his assistant look at the list was no big deal.

"No problem," Jon said, handing her the list. "I'll give you a five bucks if you can find a name that doesn't sound like a Crayon color." She looked at the list and read some of Jon's notes, which either described a pony or in some cases were reminders to get more information.

"So these are the people that everyone wants to get their hands on," she finally said, as she switched to another page. "It's incredible...an entirely different world out there at your fingertips."

"Your making it sound more extravagant than it actually is." Jon said.

"Am I?" Selina retorted. "Tell me, when was the last time someone else got the chance to interview a talking mythical creature of legend?"

Jon didn't answer, he instead just sat there massaging his head and did his best to not sound tired.

"I swear: Dragons, talking ponies, Pegasus...it's all so unreal." She said, putting the list back down. "So. Still not going to tell me how you manage to do all this?"

"Do what?" Jon said with a gin. "Manage an award winning show on television? I have this assistant who helps me. You should meet her, she's great. Knows how to brew up kick ass cup of coffee too." She didn't respond she just gave him a nod and began to walk out of the office.

"Who should I choose next?" Jon said. Selina stopped in her tracks halfway out the door and turned to Jon, her expression still the same.

"What do you mean sir?" She said.

"Common Selina you've worked here for almost 10 years," he said, picking up the list of names. "And in that time I've learned two things about you. One; you always have an opinion about something. And two; your opinion is usually right."

Jon placed the list of name on his desk facing Selina and sat up in his chair.

"You've seen the list and you've read my notes," Jon said, extending his hand. "If you're as good as an assistant as I think you are then you already know who should be on the show next...so who should I choose?"

With that Selina closed the door and made her way to Jon's desk. She flipped to one of the pages and extended her finger outward, placing her perfectly manicured nail on a name.

"Octavia. Next to her name you wrote 'Sophisticated musician,'" she said with a smile, turning around once again making her way for the exit. "....sometimes I feel that this show could use some class."

Later that day:

This time around Jon didn't head home at his usual time but instead stayed in his office a little longer. He was finishing up some paperwork but more important he stayed longer to make sure he was alone. After a few hours of paperwork he walked out of his office and into the area that had the other rooms and cubicles; he wanted to make sure no one else was around. The coast was clear.

Jon proceeded to pull out his phone and dial the number that he had dialed many times before; each time bringing something new and exiting his way.

"Hello Jon," Celestia said from the other line. "How can I help my favorite human today?"

"Well for starters you can tell who your second favorite human is," he responded. "I want to find him and rub it in his face."

"Oh my," Celestia said with a chuckle. "Someones in a good mood today."

"Eh what can I say," Jon said with a shrug. "I've gone the entire day without someone calling me an 'asshole' so I must be doing something right. But hey now that I have your attention...I was wondering if you could help me with out something."

"Certainly Jon." She said. "Is this regarding having someone on your show."

"Why yes It is! You just...you just get me." He said jokingly, walking up and down the now empty hallway. "I've decided who I want to appear on my show for tomorrow."

"That's great," She responded. "Just tell me who you wish interview and I'll have a talk with them."

"Thanks! The pony this time around is one, Octavia." Jon said taking a moment to reflect on how good and loyal a friend Celestia turned out to be. She was truly someone he could always count on for help.

"Oh...well I'm afraid I can't ask that particular pony." Celestia said. Jon took a moment to reflect on previous reflection.

"So when you say I'm your favorite human..." He said.

"Please hear me out," Celestia continued. "This particular pony is actually busy at the moment. I don't know if you recall but she is actually a well renowned musician in her field." Jon could vaguely remember a past conversation with Celestia in where she mentions a Pony who was a musician. Hence the phrase he put next to her name: 'Sophisticated musician.'

"You see the thing is at this moment she's in the middle of something important," she continued. "And I'm afraid it wouldn't be very proper of me to summon her right in the middle of personal affairs."

"Yeah I guess you're right." Jon said. He had to admit that what she was saying made sense; he wanted to have a noteworthy guest on his show but not if it meant inconveniencing them. Jon almost gave up on the idea but just as he did he realized that there was actually a second option.

"But hey what about this," He continued. "You can't pull her away at the moment and I understand that but...but what if you teleport me to her and I'll ask her myself after she's done with her whatever it is she's doing? That way I'll be sure to approach her when it's the most convenient, I'll get my guest, and you don't have to get your hooves dirty." Jon felt proud that he remembered to use the term 'hooves' instead of 'hands.'

"Well I don't see the harm in that," Celestia replied sounding amused. "Alright consider it done. If you have trouble finding her remember to look for a pink bow tie. Oh and one last thing. Don't be offended if she comes off as spiteful...deep down she's actually a very sweet pony."

Jon nodded and stood up readying himself for the incoming magic. He was still in the suit he wore that day so he didn't feel he needed a change of wardrobe, but at the same time he underestimated the exquisiteness of his soon to be location, as evident by him unwilling to pull back up his tie or button up his jacket.

"Alright!" Jon said. "I'm ready!"

Episode 5 [Octavia]: Jon goes to a concert

After closing his eyes and waiting a few seconds Jon could feel a change in atmosphere as he was slingshotted from his world to another. He still had his eyes closed but he could still sense that he was in a new location. The first thing that grabbed Jon's attention about his new settings was the difference in what he could hear. The silent ambiance of his deserted office was not replaced with the sound of muffled voices coming from somewhere nearby.

Jon opened his eyes to find himself inside an empty room with lockers on one side and mirrors on the other. On the floor was the occasional article of clothing or suitcase designed to hold whatever given item one might have. Jon had been a comedian for many years now and knew exactly what all this meant. He was in a dressing room.

Across from him he saw a door where the muffled voices could be heard. He was about to make his way there when he heard another sound, this time from behind him. He spun around only to realize that he actually wasn't alone.

Behind him in a chair was a blue stallion, with light blue hair, who was about half way dressed in a tuxedo. His cutie mark seemed to be music notes and his ever present horn was activated as he was trying to put away his violin. Jon couldn't help but notice the the ponies face which had an expression surprise and fear, but more importunately he noticed that pony was in fact male and bore no pink bow tie.

"Oh uh...sorry," Jon said making his way to the door. He was about to exit when he turned back for a second. "Oh and by the way...your fly is open." With that Jon was out of the room and into a crowded hallway leaving the terrified unicorn alone once again.

Jon now found himself in a new location, a narrow hallway crowded with all matter of ponies. Some looking like musicians and others looking like what appeared to be stagehands. Almost all at once the ponies stopped and gawked at Jon's towering presence; some dumbfounded by this strange species' sudden appearance and some even star stuck.

"Hey how you doing?" Jon said, waving his hand at the many eyes now fixated on him. With the sea of ponies coming to a standstill Jon could hear something in the distance. It was the sound of music.

"Excuse me." He said as he made his way down the hallway, following the music and capturing the attention of more ponies as he did.

As he progressed through room after room the music started to get louder and louder to the point where Jon could clearly identify that it was classical music. Usually someone would have stopped Jon from going any further as he was heading towards the main stage but in this case everyone present was too shocked to do anything about it.

Eventually he found his way to the source of the music. Jon was now just outside of what appeared to be the main stage of a music hall. In front of him were dozens of ponies, each wielding a different type of instrument and facing an audience of hundreds.

Unknown to Jon at the time Celestia had teleported him to the famed Canterlot Concert Hall located right under her castle. Even though it was a music hall it was located outside as opposed to inside a building. Columns supported the structure and the walls looked to be made of ivory and gold with the floor constructed of pure redwood (The entire hall itself was located at the edge of a forest. The same forest which was used to make said floors). In addition the stage itself was massive with the orchestra only filling up a small fraction of it, which to Jon meant it served multiple functions besides music concerts.

At the time of his visit Canterlot was having a concert in celebration of the annual Summer solstice. Anyone could attend, and its strategic location meant that anyone in the castle could hear its music.

"Wow. I guess she really was in the middle of something important." Jon thought as he buttoned up his jacket and straightened out his tie.

As Jon glanced over the ponies producing the lovely music he had a difficult time finding Octavia. It was dark outside but the expert lighting made it so you could see everyone on stage (Though the people in the audience were almost completely invisible to those on stage). What made it hard for Jon to locate her was the many unicorn horns that were alight with magic, each being used to control whatever given instrument was playing.

But one pony eventually stood out to Jon and for two main reason. For one she was located at the front of the orchestra almost to the point where it looked as if she was the main attraction. But what Jon found most interesting was, as far he could tell, she was the only Earthpony present as displayed by her playing a cello with her hooves.

As Jon continued to look onward at the gray Earthpony, with an even darker gray mane, he saw that this she also had around her neck a loose collar complete with a pink bow tie.

"Hey," Jon said, turning to an aging white unicorn who even Jon's presence couldn't tear his eyes from the performance. "That Gray pony upfront...is that Octavia?" The unicorn turned to Jon to give him a quizzical look then swiftly went back to watching the show.

"Yes, yes, yes," He said waving his hoof at Jon. "Now be quiet! The show, she is almost complete!"

Jon followed his orders and watched as the symphony neared it's completion. He had to admit going to Equestria on business had its perks. This being one of them.

The music he was listening to was probably the most hauntingly beautiful thing he's ever heard. Jon had a soft spots for the arts and had even watched the New York philharmonic Orchestra once or twice in his life but this...was something else.

A few minutes had passed and the final note was struck. Every pony in attendance stood up in applause as the musicians on stage took a bow. After awhile of cheering and applauding the orchestra split down the middle and began exiting the stage either to their left or right. Jon saw this and decided to head back in the hallway and wait for Octavia as to not cause a scene.

This proved to be only somewhat effective as one by one each pony stopped in their tracks at the eventual sight of Jon. This caused something of a traffic jam in that narrow hallway as no one dared to move any further. Like the hallway was a circulatory system and Jon had just caused an artery block to the heart.

Before anyone could say anything the crowd began to move aside as a lone figure began to walk through. It was Octavia who did not say a word, she just kept on walking. Eventually she made her way to the front of the crowd where Jon was. She briefly looked up at him and for a split second almost stopped in her tracks but then continued onward.

"Hi there," Jon said extending his hand. "I was wondering if I could have a moment of--"

Before Jon could finish his sentence Octavia walked passed him without even saying a single word, much to the surprise of her fellow musicians who at this point were already whispering rumors. Jon did not see that coming at all and for a brief moment just stood there hand outstretched.

Down but not out he turned around and did his best to follow her through the crowded hallway.

"Excuse me!" Jon shouted out, trying to get the attention of Octavia.

She was a few feet ahead and could easily hear him but chose not to respond. Her stride never broke as she effortlessly walked in and out of the incoming wave of ponies, occasionally receiving a fleeting compliment.

"Could I please have a moment of your time!?" Jon shouted once more, slowly closing the gap between them. Eventually Octavia made it to a room designated "Dressing Room." She opened the door and was about to enter when Jon finally caught up, making it that much more difficult to ignore him.

"Hey wait a second!" Jon said as he tried to catch his breath. "Hi...sorry but I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second? You may not know me but my name is--"

"Jon Stewart." Octavia said, her hoof still on the half opened door and her eyes looking forward.

Jon wasn't sure if her knowing of who he is was a good or bad thing.

"Yes, I am well fully aware of who you are. I hear you have a fondness of popping up in random places." She continued. "You've made quite an impact here in Equestria"

"Oh, well I suppose I have." He said, with an awkward smile. "If you've heard of me then I'm assuming you know about...what I do?"

"If you are referring to your television show then yes I am aware of your profession." Octavia said, continuing to avoid eye contact.

"Well then in that case I was wondering," Jon said with a pause. "Would you like to be interviewed on my show tomorrow?"

Octavia opened the door to the dressing room and walked halfway in placing her cello on the ground. She turned to face Jon and for the first time looked him in the eye.

"No." She said, closing the door in his face. Jon was at a loss for words.

"O-o-oh well I..." He said, raising his voice so she could hear him. "Well what about at a later time when you're not--"

The audible sound of Octavia locking the door cut Jon off mid sentence leaving him standing there alone.

"You sure do know how to pick em, Selina." Jon said to himself with a sigh.

Later that night:

Jon was now back home in his study calculating his next move. He could either call Celestia to try and get someone else on the show or use a back up filler in the mean time. Jon was determined however to get an Equestrian citizen to come on so he spent the better part of his night looking over the list of names again.

"Maybe this was a blessing in disguise." Jon thought to himself, feeling as though he dodged a bullet. "I mean she sure didn't seem like the life of the party. I can only imagine what she'd be like on national television."

Jon was no stranger to people refusing to come on his show so this wasn't that big a blow to his ego. In the past he's had both high and low profile figures reject his invitations, usually because of scheduling or a lack of interest. Though he had to admit getting reject in person didn't feel very good.

As Jon looked over the list again he picked up his phone, ready to call Celestia when something unexpected and frightening happened. Jon leaped from his chair with a look of shock on his face at the sight of green fire bursting in front of him. He held himself as the green flame vanished into thin air as quickly as it appeared, leaving behind only a single 8x11 note.

"Spike?" Jon thought to himself as he slowly approached his desk reaching out where the note now laid. Jon would have been more hesitant about this a few weeks ago but his time in Equestria almost made occurrences like this second nature to him. The note was addressed to him but didn't say who it was from, thought the way it was delivered and the hand writing suggested that Spike had sent it.

Jon opened the letter and began to read it:

Dear Mr. Stewart:

I have changed my mind. I'll be there tomorrow morning.

-Octavia

"You got to be kidding me." Jon thought to himself.

At first Jon thought about rejecting her reconsideration and call Celestia to get someone else. The more he thought about it the more it seemed like a good idea, after all Jon was certain that someone like her wouldn't be a very likeable guest to have. He was about half way through dialing Celestia when he remembered what she had told him before...about how Octavia can seem off putting but was actually kindhearted.

Jon decided to let cooler head prevail as he put down the phone and made a mental note to call Selina and confirm the intended arrival of his new guest. As Jon made his way to his room to go to sleep a thought popped in his head.

What made Octavia change her mind?

It was something that Jon was determined to ask her himself tomorrow.

Episode 5 [Octavia]: Please welcome to the show Octavia

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Octavia
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

As one more commercial comes and goes the audience in attendance begin to cheer at the sight of the 'Daily Show logo' appearing on screen and vanishing. This signaled the shows return from it's last segment which ultimately meant it was time for Jon to conduct yet another interview.

The camera did its usual pan over to Jon who could be seen looking into the camera and swiveling back and forth in his chair. As the camera came in closer he began to wave at his audience before eventually looking back at the camera, ready to speak.

"Welcome back to 'The Daily Show', my guest tonight!" Jon said, cracking his neck. "She is a musician, whose achievements have made her renowned all over Equestria as one of the best cellist ever in her field. Please welcome to the show, Octavia!"

The crowd could hardly contain their excitement as the new Equestrian guest made her way on the stage. The last time Jon saw her was in the dark hallway of the Canterlot Concert Hall, so this was was his first time seeing her up close and in better lighting. It was at this point that he noticed for the first time her cutie mark, which was with a purple music note matching her eye color. This made sense to him as she was a musician.

As she made her way to the desk it looked as if she wasn't going to even look at the audience, who were cheering for her. Eventually, as she got closer to Jon, she acknowledged their existence by looking at them though she didn't wave or smile.

When she arrived at the desk Jon met her by shaking her hoof and offering her a seat which she gladly took, though it was hard to tell how appreciative she was towards the gesture.

Jon, now satisfied, sat in his chair and waited for the crowd's cheers to decrease in volume before starting. Before that happened however Jon was surprised to see a stagehand run up behind Octavia and place a new mug of water in front of her then dash off again backstage.

He would have asked what he was doing but he came and went too quickly and it would have been impossible for him to hear Jon over the roar of the crowd.

His curiously took a temporary back seat due to the crowd's cheering slowly coming to a stop.

"Welcome to the show Octavia great to have you here!" Jon said, adjusting himself in his chair.

"Thank you for having me Mr. Stewart," Octavia said. "It was most generous of you to ask me to attend." He actually got a thank you. Jon wondered if this was the same Octavia from last night.

"It's no problem at all, and please call me 'Jon,'" He said. "Now whats...whats interesting is that you almost--"

Jon stopped mid sentence to see Octavia reach below her and grab something delicately in her hoof. It was a tea bag which she suspended over her mug of water. Jon now understood what the stagehand had given her. She requested hot water.

Before she could submerge the pouch of tea-leaves in her drink she noticed Jon looking at her.

"Oh. Do you mind?" She asked.

"Not at all." Jon said, motioning for her to continue. He could already tell this interview would be different.

"So as I was saying," Jon continued. "What's interesting is that you almost didn't...appear on today's show. You had originally uh-- rejected my offer."

"That is correct." Octavia said, but not before once again dipping the tea bag in her mug.

"So I guess what I'm asking is...wha--why did you decide to come on the show after all?" Jon asked, his question hanging in the air for a second. His inquiry seemed to have resonated with Octavia as her attention was torn away from her tea to Jon. This didn't last long as she once again focused on her beverage.

"Let's just say I had a change of heart." She said, taking a sip of her now ready tea.

"Oh I see." Jon said tapping his pen against his desk, not believing a word of it. He didn't want to press the issue to much so he let it slide making a mental note to come back to it later.

"Well either way I'm glad you could make it!" Jon said sincerely. "And hey! Now you get to see me in my natural habitat."

"I suppose that's true." Octavia said, taking another sip of her tea.

"Yeah for those of you who don't know, when I uh-- When I first approached Octavia here she was in the middle of a symphony." Jon said leaning towards the camera and then back to Octavia. "And may I just say this: That was without a doubt the best performance I had ever seen. You were great!"

Usually she would have thought the compliment was just a hollow attempt to butter her up. But as Octavia looked up from her drink into Jon's eyes she could see that his words were authentic.

"Oh well...thank you very much." She said, nervously brushing back her chair. "I rather appreciate hearing that. Oh and...I apologize for acting so cold towards the last time we exchanged words."

"Ah fogettaboutit!" Jon said, waving his hand in a dismissive gesture. "Trust me as a comedian in New York I've experienced worse rejections." Octavia was now paying more attention to Jon.

"Thank you for understanding," She said. "It's just that I don't like being bothered right after a major performance. I'm sure someone like you could understand that." Jon knew all to well what she was saying.

"And hey, at least I didn't get teleported to uh-- right in the middle of the stage." Jon added. The thought of this happening caused Octavia to cringe in her place. She took a sip of her tea to help remedy the feeling.

"I suppose if that were to happen you would have asked the audience in attendance if they wanted to see me on T.V. like you did with dear Ms. Cheerilee." She said, looking at Jon was serious eyes.

Jon was surprised; he was not expecting her to make references to previous shows of his.

"Oh well, well, well." Jon said, stroking his chin. "If I didn't know any better I would say it sounded as if you're a fan of the show."

Octavia was about to take another drink when the question stopped her mid sip.

"Well if you must know," She said, putting down her drink. "I am somewhat familiar with your show--"

"Oh really." Jon interrupted, his eyes now widened. "So you do watch the show?"

"No I'm afraid I don't. I'm just familiar with how it works." Octavia said, causing Jon to jokingly put his closed fist to his chest as if he was stabbed in the heart.

"Like I said before, a lot of people in Equestria know of you," she continued. "And as such I know how you conduct yourself on this show. This is actually one of the reasons why I refused to attend at first."

"What do you mean?" Jon asked, wondering if he was finally going to get her to open up more.

"Well its like this Mr. Stewart. I know that you and your correspondence have a real talent for inviting people on the program and making them look like fools." Octavia answered, while the audience gave a slight chuckle. "Say for example one your colleagues got the chance to interview a politician, or celebrity...they would know exactly what to say to make them sound like simpletons."

"What can I say." Jon said with a proud shrug. "They were taught by the best."

"Exactly my point." Octavia continued, sounding defensive. "And from what I understand you yourself enjoy a good fond ribbing of your guests as well. Now, I understand you do so playfully and with no ill tidings but you'll forgive me if I wasn't entirety thrilled with the idea of being mocked on television."

Jon was beginning to understand Octavia a little bit more.

"Well...i-if it'll make you feel better how bout I promise not not make any jokes at your expense?" Jon asked, extending his hand.

Octavia wanted to respond indifferently towards his proposal but in truth she was very thankful for his willingness to compromise with her. Though she tried her hardest to not telegraph these feelings.

"I...I would appreciate that." She said, shaking his hand and effortlessly holding back a smile.

"Well alright then!" Jon said with a smile as picked up his notes. "No cheap shots."

Jon waited a few seconds before taking the top three pages of his notes and crumpling them up. He then proceeded to throw them over his shoulder with a look of fake disappointment. This caused the audience to laugh hysterically and while Octavia herself found it humorous she wondered if perhaps those really were jokes aimed at her.

"Were those really all jokes about me?" She asked.

"So-- oh no I mostly just play hangman on those things." He responded.

Octavia still couldn't tell how genuine Jon was being.

"So Octavia," Jon continued. "You are a musician back in Equestria, am I right?"

"Indeed you are Mr. Stewart," she answered. "I am a cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony."

"Now...your not just any cellist, you have quite an impressive resume." He said looking over his notes very briefly. "According to my research: You graduated top of your class at the Canterlot University of music, you were hand picked by Celestia to be the first-chair cellist for the Royal Canterlot Symphony, you're the youngest pony to ever win the Equestrian peace price in the art of music, and the only pony to ever be a member of both the Royal Symphony and Canterlot philharmonic orchestra at the same time. Now--"

Before Jon could go any further he was cut off by the sound of the audience applauding at Octavia. She didn't respond to them as she was very much used to hearing this sound.

"Now I gotta say that is all very, very impressive." Jon said. Octavia took this time to take another sip of her tea.

"Thank you Mr. Stewart," She responded. "I suppose it is but I can always do better." Jon couldn't help but laugh at her tone.

"So you spend most of your time in Canterlot then?" Jon asked

"Well yes I do," she answered. "Although I do travel a lot to attend performances but for the most part...yes I primarily conduct myself within the walls of Canterlot."

"So what's it like living in a city like Canterlot?" Jon asked. "Do you feel that the environment...helps you fulfill yourself artistically?" Octavia took a moment to respond as she was in the middle of swallowing down a gulp of tea.

"I actually don't live in Canterlot," she answered. "It's too expensive to live in the city so I commute there from Ponyville."

"Oh I had no idea." Jon retorted

"Yes, the rent there is much less expensive," she added. "Especially when you have someone who helps you out." Jon understood what she meant but for some reason thought it'd be good to press the issue a little bit further.

"Oh so you live with someone?" Jon asked. Octavia took a moment to respond. She was clearly thinking of what to say next.

"Yes...yes I do," She replied. "A roommate as a matter a fact, we split the rent evenly between us"

"Is this roommate of yours also a musician? He continued.

"You could say that," Octavia said quietly. "She does her own thing and I do mine."

Jon couldn't help but feel she was avoiding the question somewhat but in the end decided to steer the interview in a new direction.

"So what inspired you to be a musician?" Jon asked, "Was it listening to the famous works of artists like...uh, Beethoven, Mozart, or Bach? Or ya know, something like that?" Octavia was about to answer but before she could she felt lost over something he had just said.

"I'm sorry Mr. Stewart," she said, looking skeptical. "But I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea who those people are." Jon shook is head as if to try and clear his thoughts.

"Really!?" He said. "You've never heard of them?"

Jon knew that her being from a different world would bring with it a certain degree of ignorance but a classical musician now knowing about someone like Beethoven just seemed inconceivable.

"No. But I can infer that they, much like myself, are musicians in the art of classical music." She said, once again picking up her cup of tea.

"Yes, yes they are and-- you know my personal assistant thought something like this might, actually." Jon said, pointing a finger backstage. "So having said that...Octavia would you consider participating in a little experiment with me?"

She was about to take another drink but stopped mid sip to look up at Jon.

"What kind of experiment?" She asked.

"Ok, basically Its like this," Jon said. "I'll have my team backstage play some songs over the speakers. And you, being the gifted musician that you are, will give us your opinion on what you think of them. What do ya say?"

Octavia took a moment to think about it. She looked over at the audience who were cheering her on to do it. The peer pressure proved to great.

"Very well then," she said. "I'll participate in your...'experiment.'"

"Excellent!" Jon said. He turned slightly to his left and began to raise his voice in no particular direction. "Ok Chuck when I give the signal role the first song!" The speakers system turned on and an already put together playlist was waiting in the system like bullets in a revolver's chamber.

"Ok Octavia," Jon continued, looking at his notes once more. "This first piece is from a man called Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, and is entitled 'Eine Kleine Nachtmusik.'"'

Octavia braced herself for what was to come by closing her eyes and tilting her head upwards. The music began to play with everyone but the musical Earthpony recognizing it immediately. She didn't say or do anything, she simply listened to the music which eventually cut off after 30 seconds.

"Magnificent," She finally said, looking back at Jon. "Simply magnificent. The way the music flowed was very sublime." Jon found it odd to hear her talk so expressively like this.

"Glad you liked it," Jon said, signaling chuck to play the next song. "Alright now just as a warning...this next song is a bit more modern than what you're probably used to." Once again she prepared herself by closing her eyes and tilting her head.

"This next one is a personal favorite of mine," He said, "It's a song called 'All you need is love' and its by a very famous group called 'The Beatles."

As the music played some of the audience members could be seen mouthing the words as it played overhead. This time around Jon joined Octavia by closing his eyes too. The soundbite was only 30 seconds long but it was set in just the right place so she could hear the 'All you need is love' portion.

"Hmm, very interesting," She said, now looking at Jon once more. "You were right that wasn't what I'm used to, but I have to admit it was very...compelling. I liked it; especially the orchestra in the background." Jon was so pleased to hear this that he pumped his fist and grabbed her hoof for quick handshake, much to her surprise.

"Alright just two more," Jon said, holding back a devious grin from appearing on his face. "Ok this next one...is very modern. It's a song called "RIGHT IN"

Some of audience members couldn't help but laugh at Jon's plan. At the time Octavia paid them no mind.

"This particular song is composed by a young lad by the name of Skrillex," Jon continued, sitting up in his chair, "A very famous musician of today's youth."

As Jon signaled for the song to play Octavia continued her ritual of closing her eyes and raising her head. Had she not done so she would have noticed Jon using his hands to cover his ears.

The music began to play and immediately it caused Octavia to tense up and sport a look of disgust on her face. The soundbite ended much sooner than the last two and she began to rub her ears as if she was in great pain.

"That...was revolting. Absolutely abysmal" She said, glaring at Jon. "I'm sorry to whoever Skrillex is but that was the most ghastly noise I have ever heard. Please tell me that's not what all music sounds like over here."

Jon chuckled and then proceeded to check his notes for a final time.

"Alright...we--" Jon said trying not to laugh. "This final song is called--" Jon stopped mid sentence at the sight of Octavia looking at him with suspicious eyes. Jon quickly scooted forward and placed a hand on her hoof for comfort.

"No, no, no!" He said vigorously. "I can-- I promise, this next one will be good! I swear! Can...can I play it?"

Octavia took her hoof back and hesitantly allowed him to proceed.

"Thank you!" He continued. "Ok this final piece is called "Für Elise" and was composed by the legendary Ludwig van Beethoven .

She gave Jon a nod and for the last time closed her eyes and held her head skywards. As the music played something different occurred. Even though it was a very small gesture Jon was surprised to see that this time around Octavia started to sway side to side to the rhythm of the music. She even at one point took a deep breath as is she was trying to breath in the melodies.

"So what did you think?" Jon asked after the music had stopped.

"That...was heavenly," she said, her eyes still closed. "I've never heard such wondrous music before. It was simple and yet it contained so much beauty. I could feel the composer's love for the arts engraved in every note. Who did you say composed that?"

"Ludwig van Beethoven." Jon answered, happy to see his guest more at ease.

"Well then before I leave you must give me the sheet music to some of his others works." She said, her eyes now open again.

"Should be easy enough." He said. "Since I won't have to deal with pesky lawyers to get them."

"Ah. I can only assume Mr. Beethoven is no longer around then." Octavia said.

"Afraid not," Jon said. "He passed away many, many years ago."

"How sad." She replied.

"Yeah he's actually one of our worlds most famous musicians," Jon added. "At one point in his career he actually went deaf."

Octavia's eyes shot up at Jon so quickly she almost spilled the remainder of her tea.

"I'm sorry, but did you say he was deaf?" She asked.

"Yeah he was," Jon answered. "But despite all that he still produced music."

"I see," Octavia said, looking at her reflection in her tea which was almost gone. "I can only imagine the amount challenges and hardships he had to endure as an artist because it."

Years of interviewing people gave Jon many skills. One of which was identifying when a guest what ready to open up about something.

"What about you, Octavia?" He asked.

"What do you mean? She responded.

"Have you ever had to overcome any challenges as an artist yourself?" Jon retorted. For the first time she looked like she was at a lose for words. Finally she began to talk once more.

"Well actually yes I have. It may not be as extreme as losing ones sense of hearing but I have." She said. "You see Mr. Stewart, as you can probably observe I am an Earthpony." Jon nodded and continued to listen. This was something he had indeed noticed.

"Well the thing is most musicians, especially those who perform with string instruments, are unicorns." She continued, once again regaining her composure. "It makes it easier to properly operate them when you can do so with magic." Jon was starting understand where she was going with this.

"As for me, well I have to use my own hooves which as you may guess is very difficult." She added.

Thinking back Jon did notice that a large number of ponies at the concert he crashed were unicorns. The more he thought about it the more he realized Octavia was the only Earthpony he saw that day.

"It must have been hard for you be taken seriously by others." Jon said.

"You have no idea," Octavia responded. "Growing up all I wanted to do was to play the cello but I was constantly told by others how impossible it would be for someone like myself."

"With hindsight...being where you are now, do you ever feel like finding those same people and just going: 'What now asshole? How many first chairs do you have?'" Jon asked trying his best to lighten the mood.

"As...tempting as that may sound I would never do that," She answered. "Its not very becoming."

"Now. What would you say did-- helped you to achieve what you have today," Jon asked. "Basically despite everyone saying otherwise...what kept you going."

The question was very straight forward but Octavia still took awhile to respond. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if what she was about to say were her final words to the world.

"Well Mr. Stewart...I would like to say that I did it all on my own through sheer determination," Octavia said. "But the truth is I had some help...from a very special friend."

"And who would that be?" Jon asked with anticipation. Octavia looked as if she was struggling to put together her next string of sentences.

"Well...I don't know if you recall but remember earlier on how I mention I had a roommate?" She asked.

"Yes, yes I do." Jon answered.

"Well actually she's...more than just a roommate." She added. "She's actually a very close friend of mine. Her name is Vinyl Scratch."

Jon was amazed that he had finally gotten Octavia to open up about something personal. But what amazed him more was that for the first time since the start of the interview (And indeed since they first met) Octavia had smiled; she did so when she said Vinyl's name.

"You see I've known her since we were both little fillies," she continued. "And she was always there by my side, ready to give me a pat on the back when I succeeded or a hug whenever I failed."

"She sounds great." Jon said.

"Oh she is Mr. Stewart, she is. You know at one point in my life I almost dropped out of music school because I couldn't take being teased and laughed at by my classmates...you know for being an Earthpony." Octavia said. "But vinyl talked me out of it the next day. She said she'd never forgive me if I gave up on myself."

"Teased and laughed at, huh." Jon thought to himself. "I can see why she didn't want to come on my show at first."

"Actually, she's also the reason why I'm present on your show today." Octavia said with a smile.

"Oh really!" Jon exclaimed.

"Yes, after our little...encounter I went back to our place and told her what happened," Octavia continued. "She then convinced me reconsider and said she would be cheering me on from back home."

Jon was happy that he had finally gotten Octavia to open up about something, he just didn't know that this certain something just happened to be the most important person in her life.

"Wow...she really does sound like a good friend. It's always nice to have someone you can rely on to help you." Jon said. "You know based on your description of her one could say she's your better half."

The offhanded compliment caused Octavia to blush somewhat but she quickly recovered and fired back with a "compliment" of her own.

"Thank Mr. Stewart. Oh and by the way I would like to recant a previous statement of mine," she said with a grin. "I actually have watched your show before."

"Is that so?" Jon said leaning forward.

"Indeed I have." She said. "Though its usually because I'm just waiting for 'The Colbert Report' to start...you know with Stephen Colbert, your better half."

The crowd laughed at Jon while Octavia sat there looking proud of herself.

"I knew bringing you on the show was a good idea." Jon said, waving his finger and adjusting his suit.

"Which reminds me," Octavia added. "Why did you decide to have me on your show? Especially after how I treated you when we met."

"Well it was actually my assistance's idea," Jon answered. "She saw a little profile I did of you and thought the show could 'use some class.'"

"Well that was certainly a nice gesture," Octavia said. "But if I may comment. I think your show is very 'classy' without me, especially since your last guest."

"Who Ms. Cheerilee?" Jon asked, looking puzzled. He certainly thought she was a stand up woman but to describe her as 'classy' seemed a bit much. Especially compared to Octavia.

"Oh heaven yes Mr. Stewart. I mean I may be a renowned cellist..." She said, taking a second to finish the last drop of tea in her mug. "...but Ms. Cheerilee has class every Monday through Friday."

Jon was certain that hell had just frozen over. Not only did Octavia tell a joke but she managed to make Jon laugh. The entire audience joined Jon in laughter but took it to another level and began to applaud the gifted Earthpony.

"Octavia...it was great having you on the show!" Jon said over the audience. "I wish nothing but the best of luck to you and your future endeavors!

"Thank you, Jon!" She said leaning forward to shake his hand.

"Tell Vinyl I said 'hi.'" He added. "Octavia everyone! We'll be right back."

The crowd stood in tumultuous applause as Jon leaned forward to whisper something in Octavia's ear. As he did the camera slowly panned away just barely missing seeing Jon walk around his desk to pose next to Octavia for any fan to take a picture. The last thing the viewers see is the 'Daily Show logo' flying on the screen only to dash off screen as the program fades into another commercial break.

Episode 6 [Zecora]: The question

Episode 6 [Zecora]: The question

It was a particularity sunny afternoon in New York, and while most people were outside enjoying the much needed good weather Jon found himself at home preparing for future shows.

The public's desires for more Equestrian interviews was as insatiable as ever to the point where "The Daily" Show was now synonymous with "Ponies." To that end Jon was determined to make it so he could have a solid schedule of who would come on the show ahead of time instead of him having to go there in person to ask them at the last minute.

This proved to be more difficult than he thought, what with their world being so far away and Jon not knowing who any of them were or what they did till he made contact. This wasn't helped by the studio executives constantly giving him advice on who he should talk to next.

Ultimately the decision of who came on the show rested with Jon but that didn't stop his bosses from offering ideas anyway.

"Try and interview some kind of monster!"

"Why don't you have their leader on sometime?"

"Does that world have any politicians?

"You've been there before. Have you ever seen a talking dog?"

For the most past Jon ignored these suggestions and mainly focused on trying to conduct interviews that were equal parts humorous and informative. That is until one day at work when an intern approached him.

"Mr. Stewart, here’s the papers you wanted." The intern said.

"Thank you Erick," Jon replied, as he wrote something down in his notebook. "Please go to the graphics department. I hear they need some help with something."

"Sure thing Boss." He said, pausing for a moment before speaking again. "But um...before I go can I ask you something…about the Equestrian interviews?" Jon didn't particularity like talking about work even when he was at work, but if his staff needed his help understanding something he felt that it was his duty to assist them.

"Sure thing kid," Jon said. "Shoot."

"Well, t-the guests you've been getting from Equestria have all been great," Erick said. "But I'm curious...are they all ponies?"

Jon almost answered by saying "yes," but as he did he realized it was something he could not answer with 100% certainty. This question would follow him for the next 24 hours, stuck in his head like a catchy song. Whenever Jon visited Equestria on business he saw nothing but ponies. Some of them could fly or use magic while others possessed none of these abilities, but in the end they were all still ponies nonetheless.

At the same time however Jon could not deny that he had seen a non-pony citizens at one point. After all the very first guest he had on his show was Spike. A dragon.

The question continued to cling to Jon's mind, refusing to let go. So it was on this sunny afternoon, locked away in his study, that Jon decided to pick up his phone and ask the only person he knew who could help him understand.

"Hello Jon." Celestia said. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you at this hour."

"Oh sorry Celestia," He said, getting up to idly look through his bookcase. "If this is an inconvenient time I can call back later."

"It's quite alright," she responded. "I always have time for you."

"Thaaaat's great to hear," Jon said. "Just don't feel like you have to bend over backwards on my account."

"Wouldn't dream of it Jon. Now what is it that you wish to talk about?" She said.

"Well here's the thing," Jon said. "I've been racking my brain on an issue and have so far come up with nothing, so I'm just going to ask you straight up...does Equestria have other talking animals besides ponies?"

"Of course we do," Celestia said with a joyous laugh. "Or have you already forgotten about Spike."

"Forget? The kid can send mail across different planes of existence by breathing fire on it and he almost ate my assistant's necklace," Jon responded. "Trust me when I say, 'I remember spike.'"

Celestia couldn't help but giggle to herself quietly. She still had Jon's accidentally delivered notes on sex robots in her possession; she was keeping them as a souvenir.

"No, the thing is I've been to your world a few times," he continued. "And every time the people I've seen have been some variation of a pony."

"Well Jon, our world is inhabited by a multitude of different creatures but the most common are in fact ponies." Celestia said informatively. "Very similar to your world being mostly populated by different kinds of humans."

"I guess that makes sense," Jon retorted. "Though I have to admit with a name like Ponyville I wasn't sure what I was expecting."

Jon continued to browse through his book case till he finally found the book he was looking for. Tt was a fairy tale book, this one being a type of encyclopedia on mythical beasts. In no time at all he was back at his desk and opened the book to a random page.

"Now then back to what I was saying," he said, flipping through some pages. "My next question to you is this: are there anyone on the list who isnt a pony."

Celestia took a moment to think about that as she had to go over the list in her head by memory. Jon however had the luxury of having the list of names in his hand, ready to jot down some notes if need be.

"As a matter of fact there are some," she finally answered. "Would you like me to go into further detail?"

"Please do." Jon said, pen ready in hand.

"Well off the top of my head we have a young lady by the name of Gilda," she said. "She's a well known flyer from Cloudsdale and she happens to be a Griffon."

Jon repeated back what he just heard for clarification and quickly found her name on the list, writing next to it: "Good flyer. Griffon." His next step was going through the book of fairly tale creatures he had just procured. Eventually he found an entry for Griffon, complete with pictures and descriptions.

"I see," Jon responded. "She sounds majestic. What else do ya got?"

"Well this next individual isn't a resident of my kingdom." Celestia said. "He's something of a motivational speaker who goes from place to place."

"A motivational speaker, huh?" Jon said, his interest starting to decrease.

"Yes, his name is Iron Will," Celestia continued. "And he’s a Minotaur."

"A Minotaur, huh?" Jon said, his interest starting to increase.

Jon once again multitasked by looking through his book of creatures and the list of names. Almost at the same time he found an entry for Minotaurs and located Iron Will's name.

The picture provided in the book was a bull-faced subhuman wielding an axe and looking very ferocious. Jon's interest was replaced with suspicion as he wondered if this Iron Will motivated people or just simply scared them. He turned his attention to the list and wrote next to his name: "Minotaur. Possibly dangerous motivational speaker."

"Anyone else?" Jon asked. "Maybe someone a bit more local?"

"Well there is one who lives fairly close to Ponyville," she said. "An interesting character but I don't think she's what you’re looking for."

"Try me." Jon said, flipping back to the index section of his book.

"Well her name is Zecora and I'm fairly certain her species dwells within your world as well," she continued. "You see she's a zebra."

Jon didn't need the book for this one.

"A zebra?" He said. "Well yes we do have them here but they're only located in Africa. What does this zebra do for a living?" Celestia took a moment before responding.

"What she does is a little difficult to explain," Celestia said, "The best explanation I can give that would make sense to someone from your world is that she's a shaman who works with medicine."

Jon sat up in his chair looking as if he would spring to his feet at any moment.

"A shaman you say?" He said, looking for Zekora's name on the list. "That does sound interesting. Tell me does she use herbs and plants to make potions and stuff like that?"

"As a matter of fact she does. How very astute of you," Celestia said. "Do you have people like that in your world as well."

"You could say that," Jon said as he jotted down a phrase next to the zebra's name. "But never on my show...I've made my decision. I have an episode coming up and I would like to have her as my guest."

"A fine choice indeed," Celestia said. "I'll send word right away that I wish to speak with her." Jon stood up to put his book back.

"You know if you want I can go there myself and ask here." Jon said. "Going to your world every now and again have proved to be very rewarding at times. Plus I don't want you going out of your way because of me."

"Well Mr. Stewart, while I am appreciative of your looking out for me I don't think you'd enjoy the hands on approach in this particular case." Celestia said.

"Why do you say that?" Jon asked. "Is this Zecora not a fan of humans or something?"

"Oh no, no, nothing like that," she answered. "She's a very kind individual. It's just that her dwellings are on the outskirts of Ponyville located in the heart of a rich forest. She lives in a hut...adjacent to a swamp."

Jon stopped dead in his tracks as if someone just pointed a gun at him and told him to not move. Slowly he turned to his standing mirror and looked at the suit he was wearing, then imagined the same suit covered in a thick layer of mud.

"On second thought," Jon said. "Why don't you take care of this one. I'm tagging you in!"

"Of course," Celestia said with a slight laugh. "I'll have her in your studio the morning of your show. Have a nice day."

Jon said his farewells and with a tired sigh made his way back to his desk. All at once he collapsed in his chair rubbing his head to ward off any incoming headaches. After a moment of silence he looked over at the note he left beside Zecora's name.

Zecora- "Zebra Witch Doctor"

"This should be interesting." Jon thought.

Episode 6 [Zecora]: Please welcome to the show Zecora

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Zecora
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

Heavily edited stock footage of the streets of New York appeared on screen letting both the audiences at home and in the studio know that the show was back from its commercial break.

The audience stood and cheered as the camera did a quick loop around before zooming in on Jon. The crowd continued their praise as Jon wrote furiously in his notes, so much so that some of them escaped and fell to the ground. He grabbed whatever pages still remained and looked into the camera.

"Welcome back to the show, ladies and gentleman my guest tonight!" Jon said, slamming his palm on the desk for emphasis. "She is a local medicine woman for the town of Ponyville whose skills and knowledge have made her a well respected consort. Please welcome to the show Zecora!"

As the crowd erupted with applause a figure emerged from backstage immediately waving and smiling in their direction. Jon set a course to meet her before she got to the desk and along the way noticed a few interesting characteristics about her.

By all accounts his guest certainly looked like a zebra but at the same time she had some extra features about her. The stripes she carried were a lot more detailed than just simple up and down patterns and her cutie mark was a spiral sun. She wore what looked like gold jewelry from hear ears, hooves, and even around her neck. Aand even though he was no expert Jon thought they looked African. When he finally met with her he shook her hoof and helped her onto her seat.

One last thing he noticed as the crowd calmed down was that she was wearing a bag around her waist which looked to be bursting from the seams. Jon had hoped that it was filled with potions or something that she could demonstrate for him. Later one however he would learn that Zecora had wondered around “The Daily show” building collecting roots from office plants to bring back home with her.

"Zecora welcome to 'The Daily Show' glad you could make it!" Jon said with a smile.

"Thank you Jon and may I say, I'm very happy to be here today." Zecora said with a smile of her own. At the time Jon thought it was cute even a little funny that she rhymed on accident.

"Well I think...tha- I speak for everyone when I say we're glad you you're here too." He said stopping for a moment to let the audience finish their quick cheer. "Oh and by the way I've been researching on what zebras eat, in case you were wondering why your gift basket was filled with grass."

"Well now I feel like such a fool. I already ate and my stomachs fool." Zecora said, rubbing her belly. "I must admit it was quite a sight! Next time I'm here I'll remember to eat light."

Jon's smile slowly disappeared and his eyebrow slowly lifted in confusion. He stared at his guest for a moment before turning to the audience with the same look causing them to laugh. After a few seconds of silence Zecora began to look worried.

"Dearest Jon is something wrong? That pause you gave was slightly long." She finally said. The audience began to laugh again, with a few of them clapping as well.

"Do me a favor." Jon responded. "I want you to say anything...ju-just absolutely anything that comes to mind."

"Ok Jon I will do my best, and with luck I will to pass your test." Zecora said. "Although I'm afraid I won’t say a lot, I'm not very good at being put on the spot."

Jon looked to his audience again now with a look of astonishment as he raised his hands in the air almost as if to ask them if they knew what was going on.

"Um...I'll be honest with you Zecora I don't know much about Equestrian etiquette but I'm gonna be straight with you," he said, trying to be delicate. "Why are you rhyming?"

The question seemed to confuse Zecora who, up until now, never had anyone question her speaking style.

"This is just the way I talk, much like you and how you walk." She answered. "You walk on two legs I on four. It's just the way we are, need I say more?" The audience began to applaud which only confused Zecora more. To her she hadn't done anything to earn their admiration.

"Not at all Zecora because now I know, welcome again to my show." Jon said, trying to match her rhythm. "Talking like this is harder than I thought. I really wish I had...a rhyming dictionary."

The crowd began to laugh at the defeated host while Zecora smiled at his attempt to imitate her.

"Sorry, I'm not used to speaking like that." He said with a shrug.

"It's alright Jon I understand, talking like me was not part of your plan." Zecora said patting Jon's hand with her hoof. "I must admit you had good form, for someone who rhyming is not his norm." Jon gave her a look that suggested he was impressed.

"Wow...you must have kicked some serious ass in your creative writing courses." He said nodding his head. "Look, I don't mean to beat a dead horse here but how do you do it?" Zecora gave Jon a friendly smile but at the same time had a hard time understand his fascination with her speaking pattern.

"Well rhyming can be very tricky, the thing is to try and not be picky." She said looking at Jon and then the audience. "Others think ahead and give much thought, but for me I just make them up on the spot."

Jon took a second before speaking and then turned around in the direction of the backstage.

"Hey I'm still gonna need that rhyming dictionary!" He yelled, causing both the audience and his guest to laugh.

"So I've...I've been learning a lot about pony culture. One thing I've learned about is cutie marks." Jon said trying to sound professional. "So tell us Zecora what's your special talent? I'm guessing its freestyling?"

"My special talent is not in plain sight, allow me to help and shed some light." She said. "While your talent is to interview, mine is to make a witches brew."

"That's right you primarily make things like tonics and potions for the people of Ponyville, don't you?" Jon asked, extending his hand.

"Yes Jon that his correct, and because of this I've earned their respect." She answered.

"Now what exactly to mean by that?" Jon asked, sitting up and leaning forward. "Are you saying that at one point...they didn't like you or something?"

"At one point yes this was the case, they would run and hide when I entered their place," Zecora answered. "To look upon me no pony would dare, I guess you could say I gave them all a scare."

"It almost sounds like they had some...prejudiced towards you." Jon said, wondering if racism could even exist in such a happy place like Equestria.

"I wouldn't say it went that far, they were just scared and thought I was bizarre." She continued. "It is fine now because they’ve learned, that when I am around there's no need for concern."

"Well that's great to hear," Jon said, laughing nervously on purpose. "Because I- ha ha-- I mean, someone from Africa experiencing forms of bigotry...thats...ha ha...thats never happened before."

Zecora in a state of intrigue tilted her head to the side, she once again found herself confused by something Jon had said.

"You have my attention. My interests now piqued, what is this place of which you speak?" Zecora asked. It took a second for Jon to respond to his guest's question both because he had to wait for the audience to stop laughing and because he had to briefly recall what he said to her.

"You mean Africa?" Jon responded. "It's a place here in our world far, far away. It's the natural habitat for zebras...in addition some people who have genetic ties over there have -- lets say have had similar experiences as you did."

"How fascinating this world can be, to learn that there are others just like me." Zecora said with a look of wonder in her eyes. "Back home life is of pastel-color, but here it's not. It makes me wonder."

"So...going back to your uh-- special talent," Jon said in an attempt to change the subject. "What kinds of potions do you usually make?"

"The kinds of potions that I create, are ones that can set a pony straight." She answered. "Whether it be the sniffles or the common cold, I can cure it with herbs and mold."

"So basically you are the walking Keiser Permanente of Ponyville?" Jon asked, noticing a look of uncertainly on her face as he did. "It's a place that sells medicine."

"You’re somewhat correct except I do not charge, I give them out for free by and large." She said, now looking at the audience. "I can cure your sick using herbs and spice, and I will do it free of price."

"Wow, free medicine for everyone in town? That's a really nice of you to do, Canada." Jon said, looking impressed. "You know I gotta say, as someone who is of...Hebrew decent your making it very tempting to leave my doctor for you."

The crowd laughed at Jon while Zecora contemplated asking him what "Canada" and "Hebrew" was. She decided not to and submitted to the fact that she would just have to ask some other day.

"I mean free pills! How can I say 'no?'" Jon added giving a shrug and talking in his best stereotypical Jewish woman accent. "Free meds whenever I want? What a bargain! Now if you could only do something about that drafty window I'd be sold."

Zocora didn't understand the context of his joke but nevertheless she found his impersonation funny and was laughing as a result. Jon, seeing this, decided to see how far he could go with his Jewish woman rant.

"Now if you could give me something clear this sinus that would be-- OH by the way, I have a son who isn't seeing anyone," Jon continued, raising an arm and leaning forward. "And I would love it if he married a doctor."

Zecora finished laughing just in time to respond, though in her haste she didn't realize Jon's proposal was only in jest.

"Thank you Jon for the offer, but I feel it would not be proper." She said. "I am from Eqestria and he from New York, we're too far apart it would never work."

Jon dropped his accent to give Zecora a break but at the same time still felt like teasing her a little bit more.

"Oh I see...you’re too good for my son!" Jon said sitting up in his chair. "Or maybe it’s because YOU just don't like humans or even-- dare I say it? Jews!"

"Jon please, this is not the case! I simply adore the human race." Zecora said, once again placing her hoof on his hand. "I'm too busy with work to have any fun, I'd never have time to court your son."

It was at more or less this point that Jon wondered if his stripped guest understood the subtleties of sarcasm.

"Thought if being with a human is what I had to do, I think I would rather be with someone like you." Zecora said. She began to turn red when the audience cooed at her advances.

"Someone like me?" Jon asked, adjusting his tie and sucking in his stomach. "Wha-Whatever do you mean?"

Zecora took a second to answer Jon’s question while her face continued its present shade of red.

"Even though you don't live where I do, you are very kind and quite a view." She answered. "You look really nice with your hair and suit--"

"It almost sounds like you think I'm cute." Jon interjected. Before Zecora could explain herself Jon picked up his notes and again changed his voice, this time to that of a southern belle.

"Oh well I do declare Ms. Zecora! I do believe you have me all in a fluster!" Jon said, fanning himself with his notes. "I mean good heavens my Papa would never allow the union of myself and a zebra...I suppose if do feel that strongly towards me I'll allow you to escort me to the Cotillion, but nothing more!"

Unbeknownst to Jon there was actually a kernel of truth in his jesting. For awhile now Zecora had thought the streaks of white and black in Jon's hair made him look rather handsome for a human. But in her embarrassment she decided to tell a little fib to avoid suspicion.

"Why Mr. Stewart you are quite bold...buuuut I'm afraid you’re just too old." She said, putting her hooves over her face to hide her blushing expression.

Jon wanted to take this moment to make a: "Whats black and white and red all over" joke but decided to not tease his guest any further than he already had.

"Too old?" Jon said, as he hung his head in shame. "I uh...I think I would've much rather heard 'being Jewish' as your reason."

This time Jon's humorous intent was loud and clear to Zecora. She found herself joining the crowd in laughter though she was still slightly blushing.

"So...going back to your private practice," Jon continued. "Could you explain to us exactly what...I guess what qualifies you to make these medicines? Like, how do you make them in the first place? Do you grow your own supplies or just have access to your own material, or what?"

"It's no secret to my success, allow me to explain there's no need to guess." She said, trying to her best to not sound boastful. "Being able to distribute medicine into circulation, is very easy because of my location."

"Your location?" Jon wondered aloud. "You mean you-- the fact that you live in a forest?"

"That is correct Jon for you see, it’s proved to be very helpful towards me. In the forest many ingredients can be found, a lot of which are on the ground.” Zecora answered. “There are so many things of which to use, all you need to do is pick and choose. It may be filled with untamed forces but it’s a handy place to find resources.”

“So for the most part you’re the only one who ever goes in the forest?” Jon asked

“You are right. What you say is true, ponies must be cautions when they walk through. It’s the kind of place that has very little sun, it’s definitely not for everyone.” Zecora said, sounding as if she was telling a ghost story. “You can easily get lost within its trees, you can’t just come and go as you please. The animals range from dangerous to quirky, plus the terrain can be shallow and murky.”

“Shallow and Murky huh? Sounds like my ex-girlfriend. BOOM!” Jon yelled as he violently pumped his fist. “BOOM!”

Jon waited for both the audience to stop laughing and for the pain in his shoulder to come to a stop before continuing.

“Now…location aside I understand you are also very knowledgeable and worldly,” Jon continued. “I hear the residents of Ponyville come to you quite often because you, more than anyone else, have vast amounts of knowledge when it comes to these kinds of things. Am I-- am I right?”

“Well I for one I do not like to boast, but when it comes to illnesses they come to me the most,” Zecora said as her ears drooped down in humility. “I know a lot about what makes you sick, and can provide the right medicine to do the trick.”

"Is that so? Well it sounds like Ponyville is very lucky to have someone like you." Jon said, his hand stroking his chin. "But tell me-- and I know we've already discussed this. But why not charge people for your services? You always have a steady flow of customers and resources; you could be making a lot of money."

Jon was certain that Zecora would take awhile to respond but to his surprise she answered right away.

"I've been blessed with my talent and wits, I have no desire for earthly bits. I simply wish to do good deeds, and I do so by tending to other’s needs." Zecora answered. "Helping others fills my heart with glee, and that is why I do it for free."

Jon was about to speak but could not as the crowd's cheers of approval, directed at Zecora, made it impossible for anyone to hear him.

"You know Zecora...I've been listening to you for a little while now and I gotta say the evidence is really piling up here." Jon said, hoping she would take his bait.

"I don't know this 'evidence' of which you speak, an explanation is what I now seek." Zecora said, her eyebrows slightly ruffled.

"Allow me to explain," Jon continued. "You live in a swamp, you're considered to be a very wise person, you're very kind in nature, and you talk in an interesting way...your mother fucking Yoda aren't you!"

The audience began laughing at Jon's whimsical comparison. But Zecora looked as confused as she had for a good portion of the interview. Jon noticed this and decided to go into further detail before she started asking questions.

"H-he's a little green warrior who, in many ways, is a lot like you." Jon explained. "He's also like 900 years old so he's old...oh and can like move things with his mind...so yeah he's pretty cool!" Looking back Jon sometimes wondered if he should've mentioned that he also wasn't real.

"This Yoda sounds like he's strong and great, for someone in his present state." She said, her eyes now filled with wonder. "I'm sure living that long has made him wise, I hope to meet him before he dies"

"Well I'll tell you what, if you ever see Celestia again ask her to teleport you to him.” Jon said as he wrote directions on his notes. “He's located in the Dagobah system a few lightyears away from planet Hoth...oh and if you find yourself on planet Alderaan you've gone too far."

"Thank you Jon. I'll make the request, I just hope he'll have me as his guest." Zecora said, taking Jon’s note and putting it in her bag.

"I'm...sure he will. But listen before you go could you stick around for a few more minutes and we'll throw the rest on the web?" Jon asked.

"Of course Jon I would love to stay, this certainly has been quite a day!" Zecora answered. “If you want I’ll stay for more than a ‘few,’ I find it a joy to be talking with you.”

"Excellent! Thanks again for being here today.” Jon added. "Zecora everyone! We'll be right back."

As the camera begins ascending upwards and away from the two, the crowd jumped to their feet and begin to cheer for more. The last imagery that anyone sees is Jon whispering something in Zecora's ear and afterwards Zecora doing the same to Jon. Soon the only thing visible to the viewers is the show's logo appearing suddenly and disappearing following with it another commercial break.

Episode 7 [Mayor Mare]: The phone call

Many changes occurred at the Daily Show office ever since Jon started doing "Equestrian Interviews." Out of all of them probably the biggest was the huge influx of interns he had to hire to answer the phones. At first Jon thought his present staff and assistant could handle the day to day phone calls from people asking about the ponies he had on his show.

But the more citizens from Equestria he interviewed the more people called, all of whom were turned away or denied further information. It had gotten to the point where Jon's current staff couldn't perform their regular duties due to the seemingly infinite invasion of phone calls. To counteract this he hired new interns, almost doubling the amount of employees he had.

The decision to hire so many unpaid workers didn't entirely sit well with him. When anyone came to work in an environment like the Daily Show they carry with them the assumption that they would have more hands duties to the show's production, as opposed to simply answering phones all day.

Though for the most part the men and woman who applied did so willingly, even after Jon's assistant Selina Jenson briefed them on what their one and only Job was. Overall it seemed as though they were just happy to working on the show...plus more interns meant more opportunities to Photoshop them in funny pictures for future segments.

Even Jon himself took the occasional phone call but this was usually from his own cellphone. These were usually calls from friends in the entertainment business cutting out the middle man and doing an end-run around his wall of interns.

These calls usually ranged from past business acquaintances to well known celebrities. He mostly answered these calls out of respect but sometimes if he was busy he'd let them go to voice mail. There were some incidents where the caller was too important to ignore; at one point he even got a call from an official in the White House of all places.

But no matter who it was or how famous they were Jon always told them the same thing. He couldn't talk bout it...that is until one night he got a phone call from a friend who was probably the most powerful of them all. Someone who he couldn't ignore or take lightly.

"Celestia?" Jon thought, as he stared at the name blinking on his phone. "Celestia is calling...me?" Jon sat at the foot of his bed and begin to piece together what this meant.

In the short time span of their partnership Jon could never recall a single moment where Celestia was the one calling him. Even when she first made contact she did so through a letter requesting that he call her. Ever since then whenever Jon needed to make a request for a someones appearance, or some general information, he would get into contact with her.

But this was different.

The sound of his cellphone calling out to him broke Jon from his daze and he immediately clicked on the answering key, unsure of what he was getting into.

"Hello?" Jon said.

"Greetings Jon," Celestia replied. "How are we doing this fine evening?"

"Oh well I'm fine," he answered, rubbing his tired eyes. "And yourself."

"Just splendid," she responded. "I hope I didn't call you at a bad time?"

"Hey that's my line!" Jon said. He wanted to mention that he was about to go to bed but decided against it.

"Oh yes I suppose it is," she said, sharing a quick laugh with him. "I imagine you're wondering why I've called you tonight."

"Oh, who me? Naaah." Jon replied. "You know being the important celebrity that I am I'm always getting phone calls from royalty at the dead of night. Why just the other day Queen Elizabeth II called me up cause she wanted to borrow my weed whacker."

Celestia laughed for a second time making Jon wonder if she genuinely thought he was funny or if she was just being polite.

"I'll be honest...I am a bit curious as to why you're the one calling me." Jon said. "Usually its the other way around; what is this opposite day?

Just as he asked his question a thought manifested in his head. This might not be a social call at all. Maybe something had happened; an emergency of some sorts perhaps. In which case he figured he should stop joking around for a second.

"Wait is something wrong? You're not in any kind of trouble are you?" Jon asked.

"Oh no everything is quite alright," Celestia answered. "Actually I'm calling because an associate of mine has expressed interest in speaking with you."

"An associate?" Jon asked. "Wait someone from Equestria wants to talk with me?...This really is opposite day."

"She's actually a very important pony to the citizens of Ponyville," She added. "But I'll understand if you're too busy to speak with her."

"No, no, its fine. I'll be more than happy to talk to..." Jon said, leaving his statement to float for a bit so Celestia could interject.

"Mayor Mare." Celestia said. "Her name is Mayor Mare. I'll patch her through right now."

"Mayor Mare?" Jon thought, as the line started changing in pitch and volume, struggling to reconnect. "What the hell kind of a name is--

"Hello?" A voice said over Jon's phone. "Can anypony hear me?"

"Uh yeah I can hear you." Jon said. Even though he couldn't see the mysterious caller he could tell, based on her voice, she was an older woman. Maybe late 40's.

"Oh splendid!" The voice said. "Am I speaking with Mr. Jon Stewart?"

"Yes...yes you are," Jon said as he ran his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry but who is this?"

"Oh dear, where are my manners?" The voice said, clearing her throat. "My name is Mayor Mare and I'm the Mayor of the district of Ponyville." Jon inferred before hand, based on her name, that this was the case. Though he refused to believe it till he heard it himself.

A blood-born member of royalty had just introduced Jon to a duly elected civil servant. The absurdity of it was enough to make Jon compress his face in disbelief; this was certainly a first for him.

"Well its a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Mayor." Jon said with a stretch. "If you're calling to inform me on Ponyville's latest legislative policies I should warn you I'm a little out of your jurisdiction."

"Oh my!" Mayor said with a chuckle. "They were right about you. Quick on hooves as always it seems."

"Ma'am I don't mean to sound rude," Jon said as he rubbed his eyes, "But it is late and my wife will kill me I don't--"

"Oh I am sorry! I forget that our time zones don't exactly synch up," she interrupted. "Anyway as I said before I am the Mayor of Ponyville and it's my understanding that you have a show coming up in a few days. If it's alright with you I would like to throw my hat into the ring, so to speak, and humbly request that you allow me on your show as the next guest on "Equestrian Interviews!"

And another first.

Jon was no stranger to people coming in contact with him with the sole intention of appearing on his show, politicians especially were among the most guilty of this. It was actually a very regular occurrence and in Jon's experience they all usually did so with ulterior motives.

But in this case he had never had someone from Equestria call him offering themselves as a guest. In time though he would learn that there were in fact many others who wanted to but lacked that knowledge of how to get in contact with him.

"Are you still there?" The Mayor asked.

"Uh yeah I'm still here." Jon answered. "And I appreciate your offer but--"

"Now before you make your decision." She interjected. "Allow me to present my credentials. I've been the Mayor at Ponyville for over 10 years now, elected three times by landslide results, and I've never had a single scandal!"

Jon had to admit that this was all very impressive, though from an entertainer's point of view her last achievement wasn't a good selling point in her favor.

"Well that's all very nice," Jon added. "But I've actually been planning a schedule ahead of time and I'm not sure if I can--

"Now Mr. Stewart before you say anything else let me say that I do know where you're coming from," she interjected again. "I understand that you like to make these kinds of decisions yourself and I can respect that. But at the same time we both know politics plays a big role on your show. It's practically your bread and butter."

"She certainly does sound like a politician." Jon thought to himself, as he was slowly starting to give in to her argument.

"So would it not make sense for you to have someone like me on your show?" She added. "Imagine the kind of ratings you could get with a tag line like 'Jon interviews his first pony politician!'" Although Jon wasn't entirety fond of her approach he had to admit she had a good point.

He had nothing against her personally; his distaste purely stemmed from her poor timing. He'd had a long day.

"If I say yes will you let me go to sleep?" Jon asked, already writing himself a reminder to call Jenson in the morning.

"Of course!" She replied.

"Ok then, in that case the next appearance slot is yours." Jon said, his tired demeanor clearly present. "Have Celestia transport you to the studio on Monday and my assistant will take care of the rest."

"Oh thank you Mr. Stewart!" She said with enough enthusiasm for both herself and Jon. "I look forward to meeting you in person. Good night!"

Jon sat there listening to the dead ringtone for a good ten seconds before falling backwards on his bed.

"A pony politician." He thought with a laugh. "They actually have government...and here I thought their world was perfect."

Episode 7 [Mayor Mare]: Please welcome to the show Mayor Mare

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Mayor Mare (Mayor)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

After another somewhat lengthy commercial break "The Daily Show" returned to it's final segment of the night. The screams of joy coming from the audience indicated that the upcoming segment was none other than the interview portion of the show between Jon and his guest.

The camera very quickly zoomed in on Jon who was seen playing with his chair. Swiveling back and forth while adjusting his height, idly looking everywhere but straight ahead at the camera. After a few seconds of nothing but cheering Jon finally sits up in his chair, notes in hand, and begins to address the public.

"Welcome to 'The Daily Show,' we have a very special guest tonight!" Jon said as he quickly stretched both arms behind his back. "She is the mayor of Ponyville currently on her third term. Please welcome to the show Mayor Mare!"

The crowd applauded at the guest of evening who made her way onto the stage. She wasted no time and was already waving at the audience, walking at a slow pace giving her more time to do so.

Her coat was very light brown and her mane had various shades of light grey. She wore very professional looking gold rimmed glasses, and much like Octavia she had a loose collar. Instead of a bowtie however she wore a teal colored neck warmer. All this (plus the tone of her voice) gave the impression that she was much older than the other ponies Jon had on his show in the past.

Jon met with her halfway on stage and shook her hoof, stopping briefly to let those in the audience take a picture of two.

When Jon tried to guide Mayor Mare to his desk she stood on her hind legs and grabbed his hand with both hooves to keep him in place, prolonging their photo-op. Jon tried to respectfully break free but his grey haired guest wouldn't allow it. Eventually Jon gave in and continued to wave at the audience while simultaneously shaking her hoof.

After an appropriate amount of time had passed (Appropriate to Mayor Mare) the two made their way to the center of the stage; as usual Jon offered his guest a seat and he took his. More waiting occurred but this time for the audience to calm down which wasn't helped by the Mayor who was still waving at them.

"Welcome to the show, Mayor Mare!" Jon yelled over the crowd. "Glad you could make it!"

"Thank you Jon!" She fired back. "And please call me Mayor. Everypony else does."

"No problem. So...I-- if you don't mind I'm gonna get right to the chase," Jon continued. "You...you're the mayor of Ponyville, right?"

"Well that's what it says in the record books," she answered with her head held high. "Voted Mayor three times, thank you very much!"

"See that's the thing...I was under the impression that Equestria was a monarchy." He continued. "I mean I'm met with your princess and she seems to call the shots around those parts. Granted from what I recall she doesn't live in Ponyville...but doesn't rule the land?"

"Well yes your assumption is partly correct but what one needs to understand is there are differently bodies of government in different parts of Equestria. All working differently but all under the rule of the princess." The Mayor said, looking more at the camera than Jon.

"You see that to me just seems very bizarre." Jon added. "I mean how can a system like Ponyville's, which is a democracy, work under the princess. Someone of royalty."

To his surprise the Mayor was very quick to answer almost as if she had been planning for every possible scenario of questioning.

"I realize it can be very difficult for an outsider such as yourself to understand." She said, sounding not at all condescending. "For the most part the princess is a very hoofs off kinda dictator. She lets places like Cloudsdale and of course Ponyville conduct themselves how they want and only intervenes whenever she feels its absolutely necessary."

"I see. I think I'm starting to understand a little bit more." Jon said, stroking his chin. "We have a somewhat similar thing here in America where we have both federal and state laws. The federal law embodies the entire nation while the state laws vary depending on where you live."

"Oh how fascinating!" The Mayor replied. She leaned forward by putting her front hooves on the desk. "Tell me though, does your world have any bodies of royalty?"

"Well there are some sovereign nations in the world who still have acting members of their Royal family." Jon answered. "The most famous of which is our greatest ally England. They themselves still have their Queen but she's largely just a figure head. Even they run their country as a democracy."

"So there's no queen here in New York?" The Mayor asked.

"Well actually that's not true...If you head on down to lower Manhattan you'll find a whole bunch of queens." Jon said, clearing this throat over the crowd's laughter. "And for the right price they'll show you their own royal bodies."

Although she didn't understand the term "queens" Mayor Mare could grasp the context of the joke and as as result laughed accordingly.

"Also before we go one I'd like to ask you something...as a Mayor I mean." Jon continued. "Ok here's the thing...our mayor here in New York recently passed a law that I would like to get your opinion on if you don't mind."

"Certainly." The Mayor said, motioning for Jon to continue. He does by briefly bending down to get something from under his desk and placing it in front of her.

What Jon had retrieved was two 16 ounce cups: one filled with soda and the other about half way filled with 25 grams of Marijuana. Mayor Mare showed no signs of understanding or confusion but just simply took turns starting at both Jon and the audience who were cheering him on.

"Now...now this cup is filled with Coke and this one is filled with weed." Jon said pausing to let the crowd finish their cheering. "So as a mayor yourself wha-- which of these do you think is more illegal."

Mayor Mare was about to speak but was cut off by an audience member giving an audible scream of approval. After a quick laugh she responded.

"Well Jon I'm afraid I won't be of much use to you here," she said, looking at both containers. "I'm not exactly sure what any of these are." Jon leaned forward to point at each container in an effort to help her understand.

"Well this is Marijuana. Its a type of plant that humans use for medical reasons or recreational use." He explained. "And this is Coke, it's a soft drink product. Currently in New York if you're caught with this much weed that's a $100 fine...but if you're caught selling this much soda that's a $200 fine. I just want to get your take on this."

"Well with all due respect I don't feel comfortable giving my opinion on the plant since I'm not fully aware of its properties," The Mayor said. "But as for the soft drink we actually have a similar product back in Ponyville. Its produced and distributed by the Apple family, and I can't imagine putting a tariff on such a poplar drink."

"So you wouldn't criminalized it like our Mayor did with soda?" Jon asked.

"No, no I wouldn't." She responded. "Ponies love it so doing that just seems, excuse my language but, stupid."

"THANK YOU!" Jon said, causing the crowd to roar with excitement. While Mayor Mare was waving to them yet again Jon took the time to put away both containers.

"Now uh...lets continue. So how did you become the Mayor?" Jon asked. "Is being a politician your special talent or something?"

"Well Jon my life story has always revolved around Ponyville," she answered. "I was born there and that's where I grew up."

"Ah, a hometown hero, huh?" Jon interjected.

"That's right; born and raised." She said proudly. "And as for my special talent well growing up my mother was always working so, being the eldest sibling out of five, a lot of the day to day responsibilities around the house fell on me. It was then that I discovered I was a natural born leader when I could...rally my brothers a sisters to help me."

"So I'm guessing you made your siblings do all the work while you sat and watch?" Jon asked, getting a quick laugh from all who heard. "Typical politician."

"No trust me it wasn't like that. I just found that I had a gift for micro-management as well as public speaking." She continued. "So when I got older I wanted to use these talents to help the town I loved for so long, and that's when i decided to run for office...to help the great people of Ponyville!"

Jon took a second for the audience to stop applauding before responding.

"Speaking of the people of Ponyville not too long ago I got a chance to interview one of your citizens," Jon continued, "You may know her she's the school teacher, Ms. Cheerilee."

"Oh yes of course I know Ms. Cheerilee." The Mayor responded.

"Well last time she was on the show she told me something very interesting." He continued. "She told me that education in Equestria never gets cut. Now as the mayor of Ponyville could you...I guess give us further detail on this or like-- is that really true?"

"Well as someone who is largely responsible with handling Ponyville's funding I can say for certainty that yes that is the case." She answered.

"So you never cut their funding-- wow, I find that to be just very inspiring." He responded.

"As a matter a fact a lot of our funding goes to education," The Mayor continued, now turning to the camera. "Our children's future is very important and as Mayor of Ponyville I have continued uphold my promises to never cut funding to education." Jon began to wonder if she was sitting on an office chair or a soap box.

"Why is it that you're so surprised by that?" The Mayor asked. "Don't your schools get funding?"

"Generally speaking we do," Jon answered. "It's just that when it comes to America education gets a very small percentage of our overall funds. It usually ranks at the lowest and it's always the first to get cut."

"Then where does the rest of it go to?" She asked, taking down mental notes.

"Well of course it goes to other facets of life such as: transportation, healthcare, environment," Jon explained. "But much like education those don't much either...no, what gets the most funding here is our military."

"How very interesting," The mayor replied. "That certainly does explain a lot. You see unlike your country Ponyville doesn't have a military. As a matter of fact very few places in Equestria do."

"Is that right? So...how do you guys protect yourselves?" Jon asked, unsure if lack of a military was entirely a good or bad thing.

"Well sometimes we do get help from Canterlot," She responded. "There are royal guards located there who help keep the peace, but as you might guess they're primarily located with royal members of the family."

"I'll be honest Mayor...it sounds like Ponyville gets the short end of the stick here." Jon said. "They...they get the royal family, who governs the land, and all the muscle. What does Ponyville get?"

"Well don't get me wrong we're not defenseless," The Mayor said. "While its true that yes we do lack a military it is also everyponies civic duty to help protect Ponyville. To that end whenever calamity finds it's way to our doorstep we always have able bodied colts and mares willing to help. Some more than others."

"Alright then, but let me give you a scenario." Jon said, trying to be serious with the issue. "Lets say there's a hurricane over the coast and its headed right towards Ponyville. You have 24 hours till it hits. What do you do?"

"Well in that case first and foremost I'd do a complete evacuation of the town just in case we couldn't stop it," She said, causing Jon to look puzzled. "Next I'd gather every Pegasus I could find, brief them on the issue and have them try to disperse or at the very least send the hurricane back to coast line. I'd also probably have Rainbow Dash leading the group."

Unknown to Jon her answer was actually a very "by the book" response. The scenario that he had presented her was actually one that Ponyville had practiced for in the past, usually by running hurricane and evacuation drills.

"I'm sorry." Jon said. "But did you say the Pegasus ponies would...'send it back?'"

"That is correct Jon." She answered, noticing the continued look of confusion on his face. "Oh, dont you know?...A Pegasus can control the weather."

The crowd laughed at Jon who was now leaning way back in his chair and throwing his arms up in disbelief. He wanted to keep his line of questions serious but to him this new bit of information was an open invitation to throw all sense of professionalism out the window.

Ok then how bout this! So lets say, oh I don't knooow...a stranger suddenly and without warning appears in Ponyville," Jon continued, giving a overly dramatic shrug. "A handsome stranger belonging to a species you've never seen before and citizens are scared. What do you do."

As always the Mayor was quick to respond, with both an answer and chuckle.

"Well Jon I'll tell you. We would probably have our brightest minds come together to determine what species it is and if it's dangerous. Knowing my citizens one Twilight Sparkle would definitely volunteer to do this." She answered confidently. "Next, assuming the creature is friendly, I would personally welcome him or her to the town and try to see if it needs help."

"Alright I'll give you that one...next scenario!" Jon said dramatically. "The entire town's supply of pastries have become sentient and they have decided to rise up against the citizens of Ponyville for eating their brothers and sisters! Their on the attack and half of Ponyville has been taken over. What do you do?"

"Oh that is a tough one. Well in this case my first task would probably be to gather up the hungriest ponies in town to fight on the front line, holding them off while everyone else escapes to Sweet Apple Acres for shelter." The Mayor said trying not to laugh. "If we need to we'll use the Everfree forest as a strategic checkpoint since we know it's layout better than them. Since we're were talking about pastries here I know dear Pinkie Pie would be the first to volunteer for sure."

"Not bad. Ok prepare yourself because this next one is a doozy!" He said cracking his knuckles. "Hitler himself has just been resurrected by Lex Luther as Mecha-Hitler! He invades Ponyville on the back of a fire breathing T-Rex AND the royal guards are no where to be found! The only thing that can kill him is if you clog his 'Mayor shaped' exhaust port causing him to blow up Death Star style...what do you do!"

This time around the political Earthpony couldn't help but laugh at Jon's outrageous scenario. The audience joined her while Jon deviously tented his fingers, waiting for her answer.

"I'm sorry Jon but...seeing as how I have no idea who or what any of those are I'm afraid I can't tell you what I'd do if that happened." The Mayor said, still laughing.

"And you call yourself Mayor!" Jon yelled, slamming his fists on the table in jest. Jon sat there jokingly shaking his head back and forth while the audience continued laughing along with Mayor Mare. She eventually regained her composure only to wait for the audience to do the same.

"I should probably invite you to future town hall debates," she said, taking a sip of her water. "You certainly would attract a large turnout with hot button issues like those."

"Well call me politically active but I just feel like the good people of Ponyville deserve to know how their leader could handle these kinds of situations." Jon said putting his hands in front of him. "I mean if you can't even handle robo-Hitler I'm not sure I should vote for you."

"Hey now I've handled plenty of disasters in Ponyville," The Mayor interjected slyly. "All of which were very much real I might add."

"Oh this is real! No one ever expects a pastry inquisition but it could happen!" Jon said, vigorously nodding his head. "But no really, uh go ahead. Please share with us some of your experiences; I'm sure someone in your position has seen their fair share of interesting occurrences."

"I have!" The Mayor responded. "Why just recently the town was hit with a crippling milk shortage incident. And to makes things worse it was around the same time Pinkie had her week long chocolate chip cookie sale."

"Wow. That sounds like...a crisis of the highest caliber," Jon said with an expression of fake surprise. "So tell us how did you handle the incident?"

"Well everypony in town wanted milk but it was my responsibility to make sure everypony got a fair amount each," She said. "So I passed a law into effect where each pony could only have a certain amount of milk per day, restricting them to only what was necessary."

"I can't imagine that went over so fell." Jon said.

"I'll admit It wasn't the most popular of laws. We had some ponies who were irate by the fact that I was telling them how much they could have," the Mayor responded. "But by doing this I made sure everypony got the necessary amount of milk needed; No more no less. And within a short period of time the caravans of milk made their way back to Ponyville and all was well."

"So you managed to fix that particular problem for good?" Jon asked.

"Yes I did. And ever since then it hasn't happened again and we've set up backup rations of milk just in case it does." She answered.

"Ok how bout this," Jon continued. "Are there any ongoing problems facing Ponyville at the movement...problems that you haven't--"

"Well it's funny that you mention that," The Mayor answered. "For awhile now we've had this problem of dealing with a pesky cult that's been running around town."

"There's a cult in Ponyville?" Jon asked with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, they worship this thing called 'Smooze,'" she explained, waving her hoof as if do dismiss them. "And they're responsible for all kinds of criminal activities in the area."

"What kind of criminal activities?" He asked.

"Mostly just petty crimes like putting 'kick me' signs on livestock and flushing the toilet while you're still in the shower." The Mayor answered.

"Well then why don't you just arrest them?" Jon asked.

"The problem is we know they're doing these things but we can never catch them in the act," she continued. "Not to mention we have no idea who their leader is or where they operate."

"Maybe I can help," Jon said as he faced the camera with a serious look on his face. "Attention leader of cult Smooze...I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money...because I work on cable TV. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long somewhat successful career. I might find you, and I will kill you...unless you're bigger than me then I'll just have someone else do it."

The crowd laughed while Mayor Mare did her best to not spit out the water she had foolishly tried to drink beforehand.

"There ya go," Jon said. "That should coax him outa hiding."

"Well thank you Jon," She said with an ever present smile. "If by some chance that works I'll make sure you get credited but I should warn...I've been doing this for a long time now and that's not the proper way to handle the situation."

"Oh really! So then tell me 'Mayor,' what is the proper pay?" Jon asked after the crowd died down somewhat. "When you get confronted with these day-to-day problems around town how do you deal with it?

"Well first, I consider all the options that I have, as well as all the resources that are available to me to deal with said problem." She said, making sure to face the camera every now and again. "Then I carefully commit to the idea that's most beneficial to the the people overall as opposed to just one or a few subsets. If I'm ever really stuck I just take a second to think 'WWCD'....'What would Celestia do?' You would not believe how much that helps."

"I think she'd just fly in the air and fix everything with her super magic." Jon said bluntly, causing everyone in attendance to laugh. "I mean, don't take this the wrong way but, she has the power of magic and flight and you're an Earthpony...she's basically your god. Soooo I can't help but feel that you're setting yourself up by unrealistic standards."

As both the audience and guest laughed Jon took the momentary break to reach for the cup of soda from before and take a gulp before starting again.

"So what's new in your life?" Jon said, leaning back in his chair. "We've been talking about what's already happened in your life but I want to know what you're doing nowadays."

The question caused a bright smile to appear on Mayor Mare's face. It was the kind of smile that all politicians get whenever asked that question.

"I'm glad you asked Jon!" She said enthusiastically. "I'm actually campaigning at the moment. I'm up for re-election in a few months."

"Oh how nice." Jon said. "Well I'm sure being on the show will...help you a lot." It was around this time that Jon began to understand things a little more clearly.

"I'm sure it will," she responded. "And while I'm here I think I would like to take this time do address my constituents. David could I please get a close up."

Jon was surprised to find out that she actually knew the name of his camera man. His surprised expression would have been visible to the rest of the world but by then the camera had already focused on Mayor Mare.

"Greetings citizens of Ponyville! It is I your Mayor." She said looking directly at the camera. "As you may know by now it's election season and some of you may not know who to vote for yet, and that's OK. Because I'm here to help guide you."

While She was making her speech Jon was trying his best to get on screen be leaning over the desk and poking his head into the shot.

"I have provided a video that will hopefully answer all your questions," She continued. "Chuck! Roll 2-12!"

"Wait what!?" Jon said, still trying to get in the shot. Before he could say or do anything else the screen faded to black and a video appeared in it's place.

The video opened with Mayor Mare sitting at a desk in what appeared to be her office. Certain points of the video faded to stock footage of herself walking and talking with other ponies.

"Oh Hello, I didn't see you there. You know a lot of things have been said leading up to this election; some true and others false. Well, as Mayor it is my duty to set things straight for those of you who are confused.

My opponent Berry Punch would like to have you believe that I've been in office too long and that a change in power in necessary. But you know what I say? I say why fix what isn't broken. Under my leadership Ponyville as seen a huge growth in its economy as well as lowered taxes in just the last year!

What has Berry Punch done in the last year? Oh nothing except getting charged with a DUI!

So please vote for me, Mayor Mare! Because under my administration I promise to make Ponyville the Envy of all Equestria!

Do you really want this to be the face of Ponyville!?... I know I don't."
Paid for by the friends and family of "Four more years of Mayor Mare"

The video faded away to a shot of both Jon and Mayor Mare at their desk being applauded by the audience. Mayor Mare, realizing this, waved at the audience while Jon sat in his chair eating out of a bag of popcorn and wearing 3D glasses.

"Wow. Sounds like...sounds like this Berry Punch is in for one hell of a ride." He said, taking of the glasses and putting away his popcorn. "Now I know why you wanted to come on the show."

"Oh Jon I assure this was all very last minute." The Mayor said, avoiding eye contact by waving at the audience. Even though he felt like he was being used Jon admired his guest's sense of moxy. Though at the same time he felt that she wasn't leaving without a coming under fire just a little bit.

"So you're up for re-election. That's great!" Jon said. "Now obviously you've done a lot of good for Ponyville but in the video you claim that a lot of things things have been said by both parties. Some true and others false. So riddle me this...what is your opponent saying about you that is true?"

For the first time Mayor Mare was caught off guard by a question. So much so that she inadvertently answered with the truth.

"Oh we...she's running on a platform called "Protect Ponyville," the Mayor said rubbing the back of her head. "She's claiming that under my leadership we're defenseless from outside attacks."

"Why does she think that?" Jon asked. "Has Ponyville been invaded before?"

"...You could say that." She said with a guilty smile. "Anyway aren't we overdue for a commercial break?"

"Not even close!" Jon said shaking his head. "Please...enlighten us about these attacks."

With a quick sigh Mayor Mare put her hoof up to her chin to try and recollect.

"Well...one that comes to mind is the Parasprite incident that happened awhile back," she said. "They're a type of bug that can multiply quickly and we had to get rid of them since they were eating all our food."

"Well that's not so bad," Jon said. "I mean every town has some kind of pest prob--"

"And of course not too long ago Cerberus escaped from his cage in the underworld, and was running amoke in our town," she continued. "And that wasn't even the fist time an animal was loose in Ponyville. Before that we had a giant cosmic bear appear in the town square."

"O-oh I see," Jon said in astonishment. "Well I mean I don't think one could hardly classify animals finding their way in your town an invasion I mean it's not like--

"And then there was the time Nightmare Moon invaded Ponvyille and kidnapped the Princess Celestia," the Mayor interrupted. "Or the time the God of Chaos broke free from his prison and for awhile took over the town."

Jon listened in disbelief at the several accounts that she continued to list, all the while rethinking his next visit.

"You know how before you said you don't have a military," Jon asked, not even waiting for her to respond. "Well I think it's time you invested in a motherfucking military!"

"I've...already made a note to address that during a future debate." She responded looking as guilty as ever.

"Quick question though regarding all those incidents," Jon said, pausing for emphasis. "I mean who-- how did you respond to them individually?"

"Well I did my best to handle each situation," she responded. "But if you're asking who eventually got ride of the invaders it was either one of the members of 'The Elements of Harmony' or in some cases all six of them."

"Ah I've heard of them," Jon responded. "Matter of fact you mentioned them earlier on in this interview as well."

"Well when it comes to both the safety of our town and Equestria they really are some of my-- our best resources." She said with a smile. "You should invite another one of them on your show."

"You know what? That's not a bad idea." Jon said as he scooted closer to his guest. "Listen we're out of time but thank you for being here today, you were a wonderful guest and I wish the best of luck to you in your upcoming election."

"Thank you Jon!" The Mayor replied. "I had a great time today."

"Mayor Mare everyone! We'll be right back!" Jon said as the electrified crowd stood to applaud.

The last scene shown to the public is Jon whispering something in Mayor Mare's ear. The Mayor seized the moment of up close intimacy by pinning a "Vote for Mayor Mare" button on his lapel. The camera slowly paned away from Jon pointing to his newly acquired button and talking to the Mayor who responded by offering him more of them. Eventually the camera made its way to the upper right corner of the stuido where the show's logo reappears and faded to black then to another commercial.

Episode 8 [Twlight Sparkle]: The idea

As the sun rose over the skyline of Manhattan the sound of Jon's alarm turning on awoke him from his deep sleep.

"...for it is written in the book of 2nd Samuel: 'His way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who--'"

Jon slammed on snooze button ending the pastor's sermon. Instead of an old fashion alarm clock Jon's morning wakeup call was provided by a radio set to a Catholic broadcast station, because (as he would tell anyone who asked) nothing wakes you up in the morning like an old man yelling at you that you're going to hell.

Jon was on the fourth day of his week long vacation. Comedy Central had given him another break since he first started "Equestrian Interviews," only now he was using the time away from the office to spend time with his family. But as his little vacation was quickly coming to a close he started to realize that he needed a new guest for the return show...and since it would be the first show since the break he wanted that guest to be special. To be Equestrian.

Jon slowly made his way down the stairs to the living room, each step bringing with it a creaking sound as if the house was trying to communicate with him. He eventually found his way to the kitchen where his children we're already eating and his wife, Tracey McShane, had just finished putting the final touches on his breakfast. Scrambled eggs, toast, and waffles.

"Hey kids," He said to the children at the table who didn't say anything back as their mouths were full. He followed the smell of food and quickly made his way to Tracey, giving her a hug from behind.

"Mmmm looks good!" Jon said, noticing that his breakfast was slightly different than his kid's. "Oh what, I don't get any bacon?"

"Not after your last trip to the doctor," she said, waving a spatula in his face. "Lower your cholesterol and then we'll talk, mister. Also you just get egg whites." The two kids present snickered in the corner at the sight of their father being scolded.

"Daddies in trouble!" One of them gleefully said as Jon took his plate of food.

After a quick peck on cheek he joined his kids Nathan and Maggie who were almost finished with their breakfast. Jon began to feast on the meal laid out in front of him but not even his wife's good cooking could take his mind off of work.

It was still somewhat early to be thinking about his next guest appearance but for Jon it was hard not to as he usually had some ideas floating around in his head. One of which was to invite a member of "The Elements of Harmony" on the program again. The last time he did was so with Applejack and as he recalled the ratings that time around were some of the highest. But that was just one idea out of many.

But even before all the Jon still wanted to do his homework on who each individual pony was instead of his usual routine of blindly picking a guest and hoping they'll turn out to be good. Jon continued to ponder what his next move would be but it didn't last long as his train of thought was derailed by the sounds of his own daughter trying to get his attention.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy?" Maggie said. "Can I ask you a question?" Jon always found it amusing that his daughter always warned him of an impending question with another question.

"Sure thing, sweety," He said leaning sideways to whisper in her direction. "Only if you give me some of your bacon." She happily obliged and Jon quickly hid the succulent strip of meat under his eggs before Tracey noticed.

"Alright, go ahead." Jon said, leaning over once more. "Oh and don't tell mommy."

"OK!...Daddy, when's our next vacation?" She said looking up at him with her big eyes. Jon took a quick second to think about it.

"Probably sometime this winter." He replied. "Why do you ask?" Maggie sat up in her chair as if to make sure Jon could hear her.

"Cause me and Nathan want to go to the pony place like you do!" She exclaimed.

Jon and his wife shot each other a quick look of worry; this was actually something they had discussed before. Although they both made sure their kids would never saw the show (even before "Equestrian Interviews") word of mystical pastel colored creatures still managed to reach their ears where it was amplified by their imaginations.

Both parents had agreed that the world known as Equestria was too dangerous for their children. Not only that but their ruler Princess Celestia had made it clear that Jon was the only one allowed there.

Trying to avoid the question Jon took Maggie's fork, scooped up some eggs and placed it in her mouth in an attempt to keep her quite. This proved largely fruitless as she simply just tagged in her adjacent brother.

"Yeah daddy!" Nathan yelled. "We want to see the horsies!" Jon himself now took a bite of his eggs, not because he was trying to avoid talking but because he was starving.

"Why do you want to see a bunch of old horses anyway"" Jon said, wondering if Celestia could hear him. "Trust me your not missing much...wouldn't much rather go to Hawaii again?" Both kids shook their head.

"But I heard that some of them are magic!" Nathan exclaimed.

"Yeah magic!" Maggie said, backing up her brother. "We want to see magic and horsies!" Jon knew that the two of them wouldn't let this go easy so he tried to his best to compromise.

"How bout this," Jon bartered. "How bout we go to Vegas again, see a magic show then go to a petting zoo that has ponies? That'd be the same right?"

Both children once again shook their heads in disagreement.

"Well trust me kids," He said putting on his best poker face. "As someone who's been to their place before take my word for it when I say it's not that impressive." Jon knew that if their kids even saw the tiniest glimpse of Equestria they would never want to leave.

"But Daaaaad!" Nathan protested, "Mommy won’t let us watch your show so we never get to see the talking horsies!"

"That's right!" Maggie added, "We'll never get to really see them unless we go to the pony place."

Jon was about to respond but before he could something clicked in his head. Suddenly he had an idea and all at once he knew exactly what he had to do next. He needed to make a phone call.

"Uh, listen sweety," He said in haste. "I'm sorry but I'm afraid you two can't go there but I'll set something up so you'll get to meet one. Deal?"

"Deal!" Maggie and Nathan said in unison. At the time Jon was just saying the first thing he could think of to get them to stop their questions, had had no idea his hollow proposal would one day come true.

Tracey shot a look at her husband who was already making his way to her side. The two had a quick conversation just out of earshot of their kids. Something Maggie had said gave birth to an idea in Jon's brain but first he had to clear it with his wife who was momentary stunned by his proposal. But eventually she agreed.

After getting the green light Jon gave her a kiss, picked up his plate of food and made his way back up the stairs to his study, but not after his wife snatched his lone bacon strip off his plate.

Jon placed his half eaten breakfast on his desk and began to dial the number of his royal friend, the idea still fresh in his mind.

"Hello Jon," Celestia said. "How are you enjoying your vacation?"

"It's alright," Jon answered as he sat down behind his desk. "How are you enjoying ruling over an entire nation with an iron hoof?"

"It's alright," Celestia answered trying her best to match Jon's tone. "What can I do for you today?"

"Well I still have a few days left till I get back to work," he said. "And I plan on using those days to learn as much as I can about your world and those who inhabit it. You know that way in the future I'll be more prepared during interviews and--"

"And you'll have a better idea of who you'll want on your show." Celestia interjected.

"Exactly!" Jon responded. "And that's where you come in."

"Yes of course," she said. "What new information would you like for me to impart on you this time?"

"You know, as much as I love our little one-on-ones that's not how I plan on researching your world this time around." Jon said, scooping a fork full of eggs in his mouth.

"Is that so?" Celestia asked. "Well then what did you have in mind?"

"Well...this is what I'm proposing. I'm not due to go back on the air for a few more days, right?" Jon said, swallowing the last of his breakfast. "Well with your permission I would like to spend the rest of those days in Equestria. Sort of like a...mini-vacation."

"Most interesting; not that I'm against this idea what why do you want to stay here all of a sudden?" she responded. "Up until now you seemed perfectly content with learning about our world through me and only visiting only when you needed to speak with somepony."

"Well like I said before, I want to use the time I have left to learn more about your world," he responded. "I just feel that the best way to do so is to immerse myself in your culture. By doing that I think I'll have a better understanding and appreciation for your people."

Celestia found herself once again impressed by Jon's respectful nature; her admiration for him was well founded.

"My, my, my Jon," she said. "It sounds as though you speak from experience."

Celestia was right; this idea was not entirety foreign to him. Not too long ago Jon had the honor of going to Afghanistan to entertain the troops. Hearing about their struggles over the news was one thing but to see it up close gave him an even greater respect for what they were doing...it was a trip that changed his life and how he viewed the world.

"You could say that." Jon responded. "There is still so much about Equestria that I do not understand and if I'm going to continue interviewing its people then I feel it's only proper that I meet them half way."

"Well said Jon," Celestia said with pride. "I'll make it happen! When will you like to join us?"

"Tomorrow morning if possible." Jon said. "I want to spend the rest of the day packing. Also if you set me up in a hotel can you make sure it has a mini-bar?" He made sure to make his request with a thick layer of sarcasm so she knew he was joking.

"I"ll see what I can do; don't worry I'll take care of everything." She said, pausing slightly before speaking again. "We'll have to do it early so we can get you through customs as quickly as possible."

Jon was about to take a bit out of his piece of toast but stopped dead in his tracks.

"C-customs?" Jon pondered out loud.

"Oh my yes Jon," Celestia responded. "We'll have to process you to make sure you're safe to enter our world."

"But I-- But I never had to go through customs before." Jon argued, the sounds of unease present in his voice.

"That was different because you were only staying for very short period of time," Celestia continued. "But since you'll be wanting to stay for a longer duration we'll have to make sure you're not dangerous. That means body scans, cavity searches, and you'll have to get an Equestrian passport."

"O-oh well if that's what it takes to get in then I'll be...happy to cooperate." Jon said, hoping that unicorns weren't the ones who conducted the cavity searches.

There was a dainty laugh on the other end of the phone before Celestia spoke again.

"Oh Jon I was only jesting," she said. "Don't worry about a thing I'll make sure you are properly accommodated...though it's nice to know how far you're willing to go"

Jon laughed along with Celestia, wondering if his fallacious attitude was rubbing off on her.

Later that night Jon slept in his bed next to his wife, his prepared luggage standing by to the door ready to go. As he snored the night away he dreamt of what was to come completely unaware of the magic that was already starting to take place.

Episode 8 [Twlight Sparkle]: Jon goes on vacation

The day of Jon's visit back to Equestria had finally arrived and for the first time he was staying not because he needed to track someone down but simply to absorb the surroundings and broaden his horizon. The experience was going to be different than what he was used to; the immediacy of the situation would be upon sooner than he thought.

The sound of Jon's alarm began to slowly pull him out of his deep sleep. The day had barely started and yet it took him only a few seconds to realize that something was not right. The quilt that that he usually slept under felt somehow different, the warm feel of his wife in his arms was replaced by nothingness and the usual sound of his radio alarm was now the sound of a rooster screaming in the distance.

As if someone had sent an electrical shock through his spine Jon immediately sat up in his bed. His brain was still shaking off the last remnants of whatever he was dreaming about so the surroundings took a bit longer to register with him. But once it did Jon entertained the thought that he might still be dreaming or that he was kidnapped

"Where the hell am I?" Jon thought as he scanned the room looking for clues.

Wherever he was it wasn't his bedroom and it sure as hell wasn't any place he had ever seen before. His surroundings consisted of the bed he slept in, a nightstand, a desk located a few feet to this left separated by a window, and a wooden cabinet in the corner of the room. The walls were painted blue with matching light blue stripes and were adorned with pictures and light fixtures.

It was simple yet efficient; if he had been kidnapped then at least whoever did it so was accommodating. After a minute of further deliberation Jon began to notice a few key characteristics about his new setting.

The room wasn't just blue they were a very vibrant blue, the pictures on hanging from the walls were all whimsical paintings, and the light source that surrounded him weren't light bulbs but gas lamps. The atmosphere just screamed "other worldly."

"Am I in Equestria?" Jon thought getting up from his bed.

Immediately he turned his attention to the window in between the bed and desk and in one fell swoop opened the shutters to the outside world. It took a second for his vision to adjust to the sudden burst of light but once he did he realized that his hypothesis was confirmed.

Jon was now looking down at the busy streets of Ponyville's shopping district where a few bustling ponies could be seen haggling and buying various goods and services. From this height no one could see him so he took this moment to admire the view, which in its own right was quite serene.

After a moment of blissful silence that he rarely received in New York Jon closed the window and returned to his bed to straighten his sheets and adjust his pillow. He was obviously a guest in someone's household and as such felt it necessary to tidy up his living quarters.

As he put the finishing touches on his now tidy bed Jon noticed that there was a note on his nightstand held down by his own reading glasses. He took his glasses in one hand and the note in the other and began to read the familiar handwriting:

Greetings Jon,

I hope you find this room to be to your liking; it isn't much but it was the only place I could find that could properly accommodate your size. I've already commissioned this hotel to have you as their guest for the next few days though I highly encourage that you venture forth into town.

Your clothes are located in the dresser and your essentials in the desk. A map of Ponyville can be found in the hotel lobby in case you have trouble navigating around town.

If you need further assistance in any matter please don't hesitate to call me.

-Princess Celestia

PS: I apologize in advance if your transition was too sudden. I didn't want to burden you with the task of unpacking.

"Son of a bitch." Jon thought to himself. "This is a hotel...and I made my bed for nothing."

As slightly uncomfortable as he was by the thought of him being whisked off in the middle of the night without his permission Jon had to admit that the luxury of full room and board and having been spared the task of unpacking his own luggage more than made up for it.

With Jon now brought up to speed he put both the note and his glasses back on the nightstand and threw his arms out to stretch his muscles cracking some joints in the process. He continued his morning tradition by moving his head in a circular motion to stretch his neck, producing similar results. With his mind and body now at ease he was ready to start the day.

But before he could continue Jon's attention was now drawn to the door; he could hear muffled voices coming from behind it. It was definitely the sound of two people talking amongst themselves but they were too close to the door to be just passing by.

Jon stealthily approached the door to investigate. Lacking a peep hole his only option was the more traditional route of simply opening the door. He opted to do so but not before putting his ear against its wooden frame to do a little eavesdropping.

"...not doing it you do it." A male voice whispered.

"No way! What if he's dangerous?" A female voice retorted.

"Look the princess brought him here so it should be nice." The male voice shot back.

"Then why don't you do it?" The female voice asked. Slowly grasping the doorknob Jon took a step back and in one swinging motion opened the door as quickly as he could, freighting the two loitering individuals.

Just as Jon suspected they were both ponies: One a male Earthpony and the other a female Unicorn. The Earthpony was light brown with a tan colored mane and he wore a red hat while the Unicorn was pink with a bright yellow mane and was wearing an apron. Jon had been to enough gigs in his life to recognize hotel employees a mile away.

"Hi" Jon blurted, smiling at the two ponies. He paused to give them time to speak but none of them did. "Liiisten who do I talk to about a wakeup call?"

After a slightly uncomfortable pause the brown Earthpony (who was the receptionist) raised his hoof so slowly that Jon had time to give of a small yawn.

"Ah good," Jon said, trying his best to sound friendly. "Listen could you please set me up for 6:30 every morning?" The receptionist didn't say a word; he simply just nodded his head.

"Alright thank you!" Jon said patting Earthpony on the shoulder. Jon closed the door and was about to make his way to the dresser when a thought crossed his mind. Scratching his chin he turned his attention to the door again and swung it open in the same fashion as before. The two employees we're still there.

"One more thing," He said. "Where can a guy get a bagel around here?" His sudden reappearance caused the Earthpony to fall over in surprise leaving only the pink and lemon unicorn to answer.

"Su...Sugarcube Corner." She said.

"Thanks again." Jon said, once again retreating to his room. Having no questions left Jon made his way to the dresser to get changed. When he opened it he was greeted by nearly every suit he owned neatly arranged by color along with their respective slacks. On the left door of the dresser were his ties; while on the right was a mirror. The bottom of the dresser had Jon's dress shoes which looked like they were recently shined.

"Yeah I don't think so." Jon said as he stuck both his hands in between the wall of suits, pushing them aside to see what else was available. Eventually Jon found what he was looking for: his grey William and Mary T-shirt (Jon's old college), black leather jacket, a pair of beige khakis, NY baseball cap, and his old running shoes.

At the risk of wasting more time being by himself Jon left his room and into a hallway. His two pony friends where no longer blocking his way, in fact the entire area was deserted. After taking a hard left down the hallway he soon found his way to a set of stairs. He descended them quickly and was now in the hotel's main lobby, now Jon realized why no one was upstairs.

Ahead of him was the exit to the hotel where a rack of pamphlets could be seen. To his left was a rustic looking dining hall where several ponies were enjoying their continental breakfast and to his right was the receptionist's desk. His plan was to simply walk straight ahead and exit the building without being noticed but doing so proved impossible

As Jon made his way for the exit the sounds of ponies in mid-conversion came to a halt as did the clanging of their silverware. Jon was halfway to the door when he noticed the now dead silence and looked over his shoulder at the room filled with awestruck ponies staring at him. For all of them this was the first time seeing a human in person.

Matching their silence Jon continued in his path to the door, opening it ever so slightly. He could still feel rows the ponies leering at him from behind, some of whom actually got out of their seats to get a better look. As understanding as Jon was at their curiosity he couldn't help but have a little fun with them. So to that end he spun around quickly and lightly jolted forward at them.

"BOO!" He said, causing everyone to recoil at once and a few to fall over in their seat.

After giving a friendly wave goodbye he took a local map off the nearby rack and exited the building into the streets of Ponyville. Although his new location was very much different from this last in terms of settings the reactions he got from the masses was very much the same.

Jon strolled down a random dirt road enjoying the fresh air and sun trying his best not to stick out, though this proved to be impossible. The regular clothing he wore was standard attire for whenever he was on vacation and/or out of the house and didn't want to be noticed.

As famous as he was back home he rarely got noticed on the streets of Manhattan; especially when we wasn't in a suit or wearing professional on screen makeup. Only those with a true keen eye would spot him in his shabby disguise but that was New York...it didn't matter what he wore on the streets of Ponyville, either way he stood out like a sore pink thumb.

He continued to walk down his current path occasionally playing on his phone or looking at his map for reference. All eyes were on him and he knew it. Jon may have been well known but he wasn't used to this much attention outside his show. Little did he realize that rumors of his visit were already fast traveling through the region.

Looking up from his map he began to scan the many ponies who were doing the same to him. Some were trying to avoid staring but it was very obvious where their attention was. One colt in particular was in the middle of painting the side of a house but was so distracted by Jon's presence that he accidentally starting painting the windows instead, much to a older unicorns dismay.

Jon wanted to try something so he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. Looking in all directions Jon was secretly looking at the cutie marks of random ponies to see if he could properly guess what they meant.

He saw some that looked pretty straight forward like: A log being cut in half by a saw, or a book being written on by a quill.

Others however Jon found were to abstract to guess on visuals alone like: A piece of metal bent in the shape of a heart, or a lightning bolt that was twisted into a circular motion.

After a good while of staring at pony flanks Jon realized he was hungry as indicated by his stomach gurgling in protest. Even with the map Jon was still unsure of where this "Sugarcube Corner" was. It had been quite some time since he'd felt like such a tourist.

Lacking even the general knowledge of where he was Jon got the attention of the pony nearest to him, a pink Earthpony with green hair and a daisy as a cutie mark.

"Excuse me?" Jon said. "Could you point me in the direction of 'Sugarcube Corner?'"

"Uh...sure thing," she said, pointing to Jon's left. "It's...r-right around the corner."

"Thanks." Jon said handing her a business card much to her confusion. "If you're ever in New York."

His stomach grumbled in anticipation and after a quick wave goodbye Jon was once again on his way.

Episode 8 [Twlight Sparkle]: Jon goes on vacation part 2

In no time Jon rounded the corner and found himself just outside what looked like a bakery. He entered the somewhat busy establishment to find all manner of ponies sitting an enjoying various confectionery treats. This must be the place.

Jon approached the counter where two Earthponies who were too busy spreading frosting on a cake and heaping a costumer respectively, to notice Jon. The Earthpony handling the register was a tall lanky yellow colt with an orange mane while the other pony working on the cake was a shorter light blue mare with a rose colored mane.

It was now Jon's turn to step up to the register. As he approached the Earthpony the intoxicating aroma of pastries filled his senses. This was definitely a bakery.

"Welcome to 'Sugercube corner!'" The cashier said, slowly looking upwards at Jon. "How can I...help...you...today?" Jon leaned in to both look at the selection of treats and to read the cashier's name tag which read 'Mr. Carrot Cake.'

"Yeah, do you guys have any bagels?" Jon asked.

"Uh...well...yes of course we do." Said Mr. Cake who turned to call out to his wife. "Uh honey could you get a bagel for...uh for..."

"Call me 'Jon.'" He interjected. An unaware Mrs. Cake was already emerging from the backroom carrying with her the bagel that her husband had requested.

"Jon huh?" She said, her attention on the bagel to make sure she didn't drop it. "That's a very unique name. Tell me are you from around..."

Mrs. Cake stopped mid sentence at the sight of the Jon towering figure looking down at her, at lost for words all she could do was stare. With no one making a move Jon reached forward and grabbed his treat.

"Don't worry I get that a lot," he said with a wink while pulling out his wallet. "So how much do I owe ya?"

"Uh...two bits" Said Mr. Cake.

Jon was somewhat taken aback; he had no idea was a "bit" was. He wondered if he could get away with paying with a dollar bill or two or if there was even an exchange rate between US and Equestrian currency. When he opened his wallet he noticed that if felt somewhat heavier than usual. Upon further inspection the bills that he had withdrawn the day before were gone and replaced with gold coins.

"Celestia how do you do it?" Jon thought, taking out two gold coins. He placed them on the counter and after getting a nod of approval made his way to the door.

The still awestruck Mrs. Cake was jolted from her daze by the sound of crying coming from another room. With a quick dash she ran up upstairs.

"Toddlers?" Jon called out, looking at Mr. Cake.

"Uh yeah," he responded with a nervous laugh as he rubbed his head. "Twins…only a few months old."

"Ah...I've been there." Jon said with a nod. "Trust me it gets better."

Jon opened the door back to Ponyville while at the same time taking a bite out of his newly acquired bagel.

"Hmmm...not bad," he said, taking a step outside and closing the door. "New York's is better."

As Jon walked in no particular direction he thought that perhaps a mom and pop style bakery owners would be interesting characters to have on his show. If they were any good at being interviewed as they were at making food they would do just fine.

Jon now found himself on a new street with new ponies but getting the same treatment as before. Endless faces starting at him. But he didn't care, he was too busy enjoying the fresh air and his treat.

It was so quiet that Jon could hear the sound of someone trotting behind him, but he gave it no mind. Though in time the sound got louder and louder and the attention of the ponies around him shifted from Jon to whatever it was making the noise. The sound grew in volume as if it was getting closer; now Jon was curious. He turned around to see what it was but it was too late. All he saw was a flash of green before tumbling to the ground.

With the sun now in his eyes Jon had a hard time seeing what was going on. All he knew was he was flat on his back and something was standing on top of him. As his vision slowly adjusted to the sun beating down on him he could see clearly now what had mounted him with a look on her face as she'd just found the Holy Grail. It was a mint colored Unicorn, her mane a pale cyan with streaks of white. She stared at Jon with eyes filled with wonder and her horn was uncomfortably close to his face.

"HEY!" She yelled. "You're the human everyponies talking about! Can you understand me?!"

Jon tried to respond back but couldn't as a chunk of bagel that he had previously tried to swallow was lodged in his throat. Noticing this, the Unicorn's large smile gave way to a look of dread.

"Oh no!" She exclaimed. "Don't worry I'll help ya!" With that the young mare began to violently jump up and down on Jon's stomach. The first three jumps yielded no results but after the fourth jump the half eaten glob of food ejected itself from Jon's windpipe. Jon gasped for air though it was still hard to breath with the Unicorn still standing on top of him.

"There we go!" Jon's attacker announced. "Can you breathe?" Jon didn't answer but instead continued to lay on the ground with his eyes shut, trying to focus on his breathing. The Unicorn however took this as meaning that he was unconscious so she raised her hoof in the air to smack him across the face, in an effort to wake him up.

Before she could strike however the mint colored Unicorn was grabbed from behind by a cream colored Earthpony with a blue and pink streaked mane.

"Lyra get off of him!" The nazely Earthpony screamed. "What in the name of Celestia do you think you're doing?!"

"Oh there you are Bon Bon!" Lyra said. "I was just helping out my new friend the human!"

"Helping? It looked like you were attacking him!" Bon Bon scolded. She turned her attention to Jon, extending her hoof to try and help him up.

"I am so sorry!" She said. "Please forgive my friend she can be...very enthusiastic. Are you ok?"

"Oh you worry too much," Lyra said. "He's fine. Right Mr. Human?" Jon grabbed Bon Bon hoof and slowly lifted himself up.

"I have a name you know," he said, standing up. "It's Jo-AAAAAAAAAAAAHN" Jon lurched forward in pain. Lyra's tackle had done more than cause him to joke on his bagel it also threw out his back.

"See! Look what you did!" Bon Bon yelled, jabbing Lyra with her hoof. "You injured him!"

"W-wait I can fix this!" A guilty looking Lyra said. She galloped behind Jon and pointed her now glowing horn at Jon's lower back. Although Jon couldn't see what was going on he was still nervous at the prospect of this Unicorn 'helping' him again. He could have ran away but the pain prevented him from doing much of anything.

"Wait, wait, wait!" He urged. "I'm fine really you don't have to--"

Before Jon could even contemplate what was happening his lower back jerked forward with a crack. Jon was now standing straight up with a look of discomfort plastered all over his face. Lyra then used her magic to expand and contract the muscles in his back which felt surprisingly pleasant.

The sudden sensation of pain followed by pleasure caused Jon to fall forward again.

"You killed him!" Bon Bon yelled.

"But!...but I didn't mean to!" Lyra cried. "Does anypony have a shovel?!"

"Wait! I'm fine!" Jon exclaimed as he slowly stood up.

"You're alive!" Lyra exclaimed, running around to get a better view of him. "Feeling better?"

"Actually...yeah a lot better really. " Jon said, swiveling around in place to see if the pain was truly gone. "Usually something like that would cost me hundreds of dollars so thanks...I guess."

Jon wanted to ask if her services came with a happy ending but decided not too as things were already weird enough.

"You’re welcome!" Lyra said looking over at Bon Bon who was glaring at her. "Oh..and sorry for hurting you."

"Eh it's ok, I've experienced worse." He said. "If I can survive Applejack kicking me in the stomach I can handle you."

Both Lyra and Bon Bon gave each other a look.

"Wait, what did you say?" Bon Bon asked. "Applejack kicked you?"

"Yeah she did," Jon answered. "Not too long ago when I surprised her on her farm."

"I knew you looked familiar!" Lyra exclaimed. "You're the host of 'The Daily Show.'"

"Yes I am. Jon Stewart at your service." He said, with a forced smile. With his back now in better condition he leaned forward to shake both their hooves. Lyra for some reason took longer to let go and was staring at Jon's hand the entire time.

"Oh wow, I love your show! " Bon Bon added. "Oh sorry I'm Bon Bon and this is Lyra. What are you doing here in Ponyville? Are you heading somewhere?"

"I'm on vacation." Jon said, rubbing the back of his head. "As for where I was going I don't quite remember."

"See what you did!?" Bon Bon scolded at Lyra. "You gave him amnesia!"

"Did not!" Lyra shot back. "He probably just forgot cause he's real old!" Bon Bon hesitantly shoved a hoof in Lyra's mouth and the other around her neck. She looked at Jon with a sorry expression.

"She didn't mean it!" Bon Bon said. "Please if you need help getting around town I'm sure I can help."

"She sure can!" Lyra said with a smirk, as she managed to momentary brake free. "This one’s really knows how to 'get around town' if you know what I mean."

"HUSH YOU!" Bon Bon demanded as she wrapped both her hooves over Lyra's mouth.

Jon watched as Bon Bon continued to muzzle her friend while Lyra tried using her magic to break free. Seeing her horn light up with magic once more gave Jon an idea.

"Actually maybe you can help me," Jon said, now having both ponies full attention. "I'm doing some research on this place and I'm wondering if you could point me to the nearest library."

"Sure I can," Bon Bon said, pointing at a building behind Jon. "You'll find lots of useful source material over there!"

"Thank you. I'd love to stay and chat but I gotta go." Jon said, lightly jogging towards his new location. Lyra finally broke free from Bon Bon's grasp and tried to follow him though Bon Bon wouldn't allow it. So instead she decided to ask one final question.

"Hey Mr. Stewart!" She called out. "Why you doing research on us anyway?" Jon stopped for a second to call back to her.

"Cause I'm planning on invading your world and keeping you all as my slaves!" Jon yelled back and was once again on his way. Lyra put her hoof over her mouth to hold back her laughter while Bon Bon had a look of worry on her face.

With his new destination clear in sight Jon took a second to admire its architectural design. It was a two story building that was partially built inside a tree. It was certainly different than anything he'd seen thus far. Jon found that the door was unlocked so he let himself in.

To Jon it looked like more of a house than anything else thought there were plenty of books around for anyone to justify calling it a library.

"Hello?" Jon called out. "Anyone here?" With no answer Jon gave a shrug and walked over to one of the many book shelves. He began to browse row after row till he found something that jumped out at him.

Between Celestia teleporting him here without him knowing and Lyra fixing his back Jon's interest in pony magic was at an all time high. So much so that he was thinking about inviting a Unicorn on the show next. He had gotten a taste magic that day and he wanted more; before doing so however he decided to do a little research first. Eventually he found a book that looked promising. When Jon read the introduction he learned it was about Unicorn spells. The book was called "Advance spells and Enchantments" and was written by someone called Starswirl the Bearded. Jon decided to peruse through it a bit before going to another book.

A few minutes had passed and already Jon had learned a lot of Unicorn culture. Some of the spells he read about ranged from everyday uses to expert level incantations. Along with spells the book also provided some chapters on Unicorn history, this was exactly what he needed.

Jon wanted to ask someone if he could check it out but there was still no one to be found. Jon now desperate walked up stairs to see if the librarian was present in another room. The results of Jon's exploration was not the librarian but a familiar face sleeping in a bed. It was none other than the first Equestrian citizen Jon had ever had as a guest on his show.

"Spike?" Jon called out to the sleeping dragon. "Is that you?"

"Huh, who's there?" Spike said as he slowly got up from his bed. Before Jon could answer Spike leaped from his bed and in a panic fell over the side of the walkway and landed on lower level. Jon scrambled back down the stairs to see if he was alright.

"Oh geez I didn't mean to scare you!" Jon said. "Are you ok?" Spike sat up and after a brief moment of dizziness started to run around the lobby picking up books that were in messy little piles on the floor and climbed up different ladders to reshelf them.

"Please don't tell Twilight I was asleep!" Spike begged. "I was suppose to clean up the place but I was real tired so I--" Suddenly spike stopped in his tracks and dropped the books he had collected.

"Is that you, Jon?" Spike said peering down from atop a ladder.

"Do you know any other humans?" Jon asked with a smile.

"JON!" Spike yelled as he slid down the ladder and ran up to give him a hug. "It's great to see you again!"

"Same here little man." Jon responded, ruffling the scales on his head.

"What are you doing here?" Spike asked, offering Jon a seat.

"I'm on vacation." Jon said sitting down. "As for why I'm here in this library its cause I'm doing some research on Unicorns. You don't live here do you?"

"I sure do," Spike responded looking at the book of spells he had in his hand. "Unicorns huh? Is this for your show?"

"You could say that," Jon said. "I've never interviewed a Unicorn before and I'm just now starting to learn about their magic. It's really quite fascinating."

"Oh I see," Spike said. "Well if its magic you’re interested in you should talk to Twilight."

"Twilight?" Jon said, caressing his chin. "Oh yeah Twilight. She's your...guardian isn't she?"

"Yeah she's the best magic user in all of Equestria!" Spike exclaimed. "I mean she is Princess Celestia's Pro..uh her Pro..ta shay?"

"Really?" Jon asked as the gears in his head stared to turn. "So she's good with magic huh?"

"Oh the best!" Spike answered. "In fact she once--" Just then the door to the library swung open startling both Jon and Spike.

"Spike I'm home!" A voiced called out. What followed was the appearance of a lone lavender Unicorn. Her mane was an even darker shade of purple livened up with a pink and magenta streak. Her head was in a book but upon seeing the mess she had left still present gave a sigh and lowered her head in disappointment.

"Oh Spike I thought I told you to...Oh! I didn't realize we had company." She said looking at Jon. Her attention quickly went back to the scattered piles of books and blushed slightly as she continued to address Spike.

"See Spike this is why we need to keep this place nice and tidy," She scolded. "I'm sorry sir but we--" It was at that moment that Twilight realized that her guest was a human. She stopped to a moment to look at Jon, admiring his presence.

"Say...don't I know you from somewhere?" She asked, squinting her eyes.

Spiked leaped forward, relieved that her attention was now on Jon rather than him.

"Don't you remember my trip to New York?" He said. "This is--"

"Stewart!" Jon said, getting up to shake her hoof. "Jon Stewart. It's a pleasure to finally meet the famous Twilight Sparkle."

"Wait, you're the Jon Stewart?" Twilight asked in surprise. "Wait you...you know who I am?" The gravity of the situation was starting to set in for her.

"Well your reputations precedes you." Jon continued. "Listen this may be very sudden but tell me...what are you doing Monday night?"

Episode 8 [Twlight Sparkle]: Please welcome to the show Twlight Sparkle

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Twilight Sparkle (Twilight)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

Having found a guest a few days ahead of schedule Jon had the opportunity to come back to the studio early in preparation for his upcoming show. Twilight was kind enough to teleport Jon back to New York herself the day he asked her to appear and since then he had his interns rearrange the set for the occasion.

This was the first time since Applejack that Jon had a member of the Mane 6 on his show and like with AJ Jon felt that the set and atmosphere should reflect the guest's personality. So to that end Twilight would receive her own song and the backdrop to the set depicted a wizard casting a spell in a manner that looked like it had been designed by artists for a Harry Potter film.

Some of the final touches to the set included bookshelves stocked with encyclopedias, torches on the walls, and most of Jon's staff dressed in robes (though that was merely done for the entertainment of audience.) But one of the most notable changes was Jon desk which was replaced by what looked like a pile of books stacked in the shape of his a desk. In reality however it was just his usual desk with an outer shell which depicted stacked books.

The crowd cheered as Daily Show officials gave the signal that was last commercial break was over. The camera did a longer and wider pan around the stage to show off its temporary new design before eventually zooming in on Jon who was sitting at his chair waving at the audience with excitement.

"Hey, welcome back to 'The Daily Show' we have a very special guest tonight! I know you've been waiting for this one!" Jon said, rubbing his hands together. "She is the leader of the 'Elements of Harmony,' and the protégé of Princess Celestia herself. Please welcome to the show Twilight Sparkle!"

The crowd roared with a level of excitement that was slightly higher than normal because they knew exactly who was on the docket this time around.

In the past Jon had always gotten his guest at the very last minute but since he managed to find Twilight a few days early he was able, for the first time, advertise an Equestrian citizen's appearance. This meant that people from both worlds knew who was coming in advanced instead of just a vague idea.

The screams of excitement only intensified once Twilight finally appeared on stage. Instead of the Daily Show's usual intro music a different song accompanied the Lavender Unicorn. Not being used to this much attention at once she looked a bit uncomfortable, though that might've just be a look of exhaustion from the many books she was hauling around. Strapped to the back of Twilight was a miniature sized wagon (though normal sized for a pony) that was filled with a random assortment of books that looked as if they would spill over at any moment.

Jon saw this and briefly shook his head as he got up to greet her. He met her halfway and shook her hoof taking a peek at the wagon of books which consisted mostly of history texts. After some time had passed the two stopped posing and waving to make their way to the center stage where Jon's desk awaited them both. Jon helped Twilight break free from her wagon and in turn she thanked him with a smile. Both found their way to their seats ready to begin, though the crowd was still in the middle of their cheering.

"Welcome to the show Twilight it's great to have you here!" Jon said.

"Thank you for having me Jon! I hope I'll do ok" Twilight responded. "I've never been on TV before."

"You nervous?" Jon asked.

"A little, but I've been practicing for days now." She responded. "I've already read three different books about appearing on Television."

"Oh well...that's...that's great." Jon responded. "You know uh,...a lot of people have been waiting for this."

"Oh really?" Twilight asked, still adjusting herself in her seat.

"It's true," he retorted. "You've...you've been mentioned on the show quite a few times already."

"Can't imagine why," She responded modestly. "I mean I'm nopony special."

Upon hearing this Jon gave her a look and slowly swiveled to the side to view the large and expensive set that he had his staff put together for the past few days.

"I really hope that's not true because if it is we blew a lot of money doing this." Jon responded.

"Speaking of which," Twilight said tapping the side of Jon's desk with her hoof. "I appreciate the sentiment and the attention to detail but, but there's more to me than this. I mean I like books but I'm not obsessed with them you know."

Jon once again greeted her with the same look he had given her before only this time he looked over her shoulder at the wagon willed with publications.

"Really?" Jon responded with a single raised eyebrow. "Coulda fooled me."

The audience laughed as an embarrassed Twilight Sparkle who inched forward in her seat to hid her collected material from sight.

"What is all that anyway, did you raid a library?" Jon asked, unaware of the fact that he just answered his own question.

"Oh well yes I...guess you can say I did something like that." She said, innocently fiddling with her hooves. "When your assistant asked if I needed anything I requested to go to the nearest library. I wanted to know what I was getting myself into before actually going forward with this."

Jon found her reasoning admirable though at the same felt a bit twang a of guilt since it took him up until now to do the same for ponies.

"What kind of books did you get?" Jon asked peering over at her collection.

"Oh many kinds!" Twilight responded enthusiastically. "A lot of these books are on human history and psychology but I did manage to get a few history books...but most of them are about American history since that's our present location. OH, OH, OH, but my favorite thus far would have to beeee...this one!"

Before anyone could react Twilight's horn glowed with power as she used it to whip out a massive book from behind her, levitating it in the air so all could see. The audience cooed in astonishment at the sight of real magic being performed in front of them.

"I know right!" Twilight said looking at the audience. "This book is interesting. It's called "Human culture and society" by one Charles Ellwood of Duke University. He states that It's impossible to understand human society without first understanding human culture...apparently human behavior is heavily influenced by economics, religion, politics and other facets of life. In fact according to him different groups of human life have--

"Actually twilight, uh...I--I'm pretty sure the audience was interested in the fact that you just used magic," Jon interrupted, motioning to her book. "And not Charley Longwood over here."

"Oh this?" She said looking at her horn. "It's a levitation spell, nothing special. NOW in this chapter Mr. Ellwood talks about how over the years humans have developed by as individuals by learning to modify their--"

"NO, NO, Twilight you don't understand," Jon interrupted again. "In our world we don't have magic...I mean, at least as far as I know, so for most I'm guessing this is a very new experience."

To see if this was true Twilight used her horn once again to levitate a few more books, spinning the around each other like molecules around an atom. Not a single audience member cheered or clapped due to the fact that they were all mesmerized by her effortless demonstration.

"How interesting," she said. "I can't even imagine a world without magic."

"See this is what I mean by 'special guest.'" Jon said pointing to her horn. "I mean you can use MAGIC...and you're on my show!...SUCK IT COLBERT!"

"But this is just a simple levitation spell," Twilight responded, placing all her books back in a neat little pile. "Any Unicorn can use it, I'm no different from anypony else."

"Well see now that's not true," Jon corrected. "You’re not just any Unicorn you actually have a very impressive Résumé...do you mind?" Twilight nodded sheepishly while Jon looked at his notes.

"According to my findings you...are the leader of the task force created by Princess Celestia called 'The Elements of Harmony,' you became the youngest pony ever to be accepted into Canterlot's school of gifted Unicorns where you received full scholarship as the Princess' Protégé, and you've helped save Ponyville many times from the forces of evil." Jon finished jokingly taking a deep breath as if he was winded. "Now that's...what I call 'special.'"

Twilight blushed as the audience stood in thunderous applause. At first she wasn't too embarrassed but once they started to chant her name she tried to cover her face with her hoof.

"Not only are you quite talented but you also associate yourself with some very important people." Jon continued. "Says here that, uh not only are you Celestia's most faithful student, but your best friends are the other members of 'The Elements of Harmon,' your brother is the Captain of the Royal Canterlot Guards, and your sister in law is a royal Princess...you're basically the John F Kennedy of Equestria."

Twilight humbled demeanor was quickly replace with a look of sudden realization.

"OH! I know who that is!" She exclaimed, using her magic to pull out another book. "I came across that name a little while ago when I was researching some of your leaders."

The crowd laughed at Twilight's continued habit of looking through her books during the interview. Jon would have interrupted Twilight who was busily flipping through pages but she was too laser focused at this point.

"I think it's fascinating how you humans go through leaders ever few years. I mean by home our Princess is always-- OH! I found it!" Twilight said, pointing in a section of a book about US presidents. "John Fitzgerald Kennedy, or JFK, was America's 35th president. He was born in Brookline, Massachusetts and became President in 1961 under the Democratic Party. Sadly it says here he was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, a few years later and his--"

Jon interpreting Twilight by putting a hand on her hoof, tilting his head to the side in an attempt to show her that the audience was laughing in her direction.

"Slow down there Google," he said. "We only have six minutes on the air you gotta pace yourself."

"Oh...sorry," she said, drooping her ears down. "I just uh...I find American history to be really intriguing."

"Is that right?" Jon asked. "Why do-- in what ways do you find us interesting? I mean you come from a world of talking animals and magic so I'm wondering what gets your attention over here."

"Well according to my research the land known at the United States of America was founded back in 1776," Twilight responded, who was tempted to go into further detail. "So that means it's only 236 years old...that's very young. Back in my world there are ponies who have lived almost five times that amount."

"Ok, no I see what you’re saying," he responded. "Is there anything else about America that you-- uh that you find interesting?"

"Actually there is! Like I said before that fact that you go through leaders so regularly is astounding." Twilight responded enthusiastically. "I find it most fascinating how your forefathers rejected idea of a monarchy so strongly and instead wanted a system where a new official was elected every few years. I understand the appeal of having a government by the ponies for the ponies, but their distaste for a royalty just seems to odd to me."

"Well the way most people see it is our founding fathers didn't want a system of government that had total control over the people but rather the other way around," Jon said, trying to match his guests level of intelligence. "I mean the idea of just one person...uh-- someone you didn't elect controlling so much has its flaws. I think Thomas Jefferson said it best when he said; 'That government is best--'"

"'When it governs least,'" Twilight interrupted, pausing for a moment. "I...I read a little bit about him too."

Jon was impressed by the level of understanding Twilight managed to accumulate in such a short time. He wanted to express that to her but it was too late...she was already as it again.

"Actually I've done some reading and I think I understand why most humans don't like royalty" Twilight said. "You see I drew some parallels between our two worlds and discovered that, when it comes to kings and queens, your past leaders had different life experiences that ultimately shaped the way they adhered themselves while on the throne, and--"

"You're doing it again" Jon interrupted, giving Twilight a look.

"Oh...I suppose I am," Twilight said with a blush. "Sorry!"

Jon didn't say anything but instead opted to stare at Twilight who in turn did the same, giving Jon a look like what a dog would give its master at the dinner table. The only thing that could be heard throughout their staring match was the audience's laughter.

"Alright go ahead." Jon said, surrendering to his guest's silent begging.

"Thank you! I'll make this quick I promise!" She said. "Now as I was saying...I think I've figured out why humans don't like royalty. You see your world had a point in time had something called 'The middle ages' where those who controlled nations did so from a throne. But back then life expectancy was very slim, in some cases 30 years was considered a full life. So kings were often very young, this meant that wars broke out at the behest of naive rulers who didn't know any better."

"Yes I'd imagine it would be rather difficult to run a nation while you have a raging hard on." Jon said turning to the audience. "Puberty! Amiright guys?"

"Well the thing is back in my world we don't have this problem," Twilight continued. "Our royal leaders are immortal, some of whom have lived for 100s of years; living that long has made them very wise."

"All I heard was your leaders could kick our leader's ass." Jon responded in his over-the-top New York accent.

Both Twilight and the audience laughed at Jon's satirical conclusion while Twilight's horn once again activated.

"Well I didn't say that exactly," Twilight responded, using her magic to levitate her mug of water to her mouth. "But we do know how to use magic."

Jon took a moment to respond as he wanted to wait for the audience's cheers of approval to come to an end. Once they did, almost at the same time Twilight set down her mug, he continued with his next point.

"Which reminds me, what kind of magic spells are there in your world?" Jon asked, genuinely curious. "Because on a uh-- from my point of view I've only seen a few of them first hand so could you enlighten us on that subject?"

"Well since you asked we have a wide variety of spells ranging from alteration and conjuration to illusion and restoration," Twilight said proudly. "There are also more...how should I put this?...destructive spells. Spells that are mainly used offensively though ponies know to only use those for emergencies."

"Now I've been...researching Unicorns in preparation for this interview," Jon continued. "And uh correct me if I'm-- if I'm wrong but for Unicorns it seems the common spells are levitation, teleportation, and illumination."

"For the most part you are correct," Twilight answered. "But I will say that a spell to teleport is actually a little more advanced than...levitation or illumination but it's still a pretty basic move.

"I wonder," Jon said. "Do you know of any...let's say 'enhancement spells?'"

"Enhancement spells?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah I mean has a Unicorn over in your world found a way to 'enhance' certain...attributes?" Jon continued. "Like say for example, ooooh I don't know...'male enhancement?' Like do you get chain emails about 'Male enhancement...s-spells'" Twilight was too busy thinking about the questioned to notice the audience's laughter.

"Male enhancement?...You mean like to make them taller or something?" Twilight asked back, confused as to why her legitimate question was met with laughter. Jon himself paused before answering both because of the crowd's laughter and because he was holding back some of his own.

"...You know what let's move on!" Jon said, shifting through his notes. "Now uh, now you said that teleportation magic is a pretty basic uh, subset of magic and as a matter of fact you yourself...teleported both me and yourself to this world. Now we uh, talked briefly backstage about that and it seems that doing so was no easy feat so could you explain...the significance of what you did."

"Well it's like this...teleporting yourself or someone else is a relatively easy spell but when it comes to doing so between different plains of existences it's a whole other story." Twilight explained. "You see we both exist in two completely different worlds so it's not as easy as say going from one end of the room to the other. Furthermore teleporting yourself is harder than teleporting someone else so it takes a pony with a very precise understanding of magic and skill to pull it off. Like Princess Celestia or--"

"Or like you." Jon interrupted.

"Oh well I don't like to brag," Twilight said, nervously playing with her hair. "But when I tried to transport myself to your office I go it on the very first try."

The audience once again began to applaud her. Although Twilight herself still wasn't entirely comfortable with receiving their praise she was slowly getting used to it.

"And you wonder why I wanted you on my show." Jon retorted as he turned to the audience. "Good thing you actually came on-- this one almost refused to come on you know."

Twilight nervously started to explain herself for fear that the audience might turn on her for almost declining to make an appearance.

"Wait! No it's just I-" Twilight said before being interupted.

"As a matter of fact," Jon continued. "You were this close to cancelling on me at the last minute."

"Well yes but...it's just it was so sudden!" Twilight explained. "I had everything planned out in my schedule and this just took me by surprise. Once I realized I could rearrange some appointments I knew I could make it today."

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't realize you had other plans." Jon said. "What kind of schedule does someone like you maintain?" At the time somewhere in Ponyville a few of Twilight's friends just facehoofed themselves.

"I'm glad you asked!" Twilight said as she used to magic to bring out a large piece a paper, unfolding it in strategic places making it even larger (almost to the point where it could completely engulf them both like a blanket).

"As you can see today I had planned to meet up with the Mayor to talk about zoning regulations in Ponyville," Twilight said pointing to a section on the paper. "Then I had to observe the migration patterns of the Ponyville toad but not before rearranging my wardrobe in alphabetical order. I managed to reschedule these for tomorrow but now I only get two hours of sleep tonight."

"Wow. Zoning regulations, migration patterns, alphabetical order...you must be a riot at parties." Jon said, staring at her massive schedule.

He had to admit there were some interesting looking entries that caught his attention like "Meet Rarity at Spa" or "Go to Sweet Apple Acres to taste test new pie."

"So you really schedule your entire day to the very last second?" Jon asked, as Twilight began to neatly fold up the massive sheet of paper.

"Well not every second, that's just silly. I usually schedule in some free time for myself to do fun things like looking for grammatical errors in magazines or seeing how many math problems I can solve in a minute. My record is 113." Twilight said proudly, while motioning to her schedule. "Oh and by the way this isn't for the entire day it's just for the afternoon.

Twilight used her magic to take out yet another sheet of paper which was even larger than the last one.

"This is for the entire day." She said. "And I don't plan my schedule just for the day...I do it for the entire month."

The crowd laughed as Twilight struggled to keep her giant schedule for falling over. Jon looked at the dozens of entries and wondered if she would ever have the time to come back on his show for a follow up interview. He continued to look at the schedule till something interesting caught his attention.

"Say Twilight?" Jon asked. "Did you jot down our interview on this thing?"

"Of course I did!" Twilight answered. "Why do you ask?"

"Because the entry marked on this day at this time just says 'Human observation experiment.'" Jon answered.

"OH JUST IGNORE THAT!" Twilight pleaded as she uncharacteristically stuffed her schedule behind her. "It's nothing!...oh um speaking of schedules I almost forgot I was supposed to give this to you."

Using her horn Twilight levitated a book from her wagon and placed it very gingerly in front of Jon. He instantly recognized the title, "Advance spells and Enchantments."

"I remember this," Jon said picking up the book. "I was going to try and check this out of your library but I forgot to ask."

"Indeed Jon. This is actually a very special book." Twilight explained. "It was a gift I received from the Princess herself. It had all kinds of useful spells, most of which are expert level. If you're still interested I can lend it to you."

At first Jon thought about turning down her offer since it sounded like it was very important to her and he was unsure of when they would meet again. Looking back Jon was infinitely relieved at the decision he made while at the same time haunted by the thought that he almost didn't take it.

"Sure why not." Jon said as he took the book, unaware of its importance. "I managed to read a little bit of this back at your place and I gotta say I really find it interesting...you know mostly because of uh...because we don't have any magic over here."

"About that...I was under the impression that you did." Twilight said. "When I was researching human culture I stumbled upon something very interesting. I read somewhere in a place called 'Washington' there's an elite group of men who are actually magic users like myself.

"Really?" Jon asked, utterly confused. "In Washington?"

"Yeah a group of 18 Wizards under some organization called the 'NBA.'" Twilight continued. A large smile creeped onto Jon's face as he placed his hand across his face. The audience laughed which made him laugh as well.

"Twilight...oh Twilight," Jon said, pausing to regain his composure. "The Washington Wizards are a group of basketball players...who-- They're just called 'wizards' they don't actually use magic. Their just a sports team." This sudden revelation caused Twilight to tilt her head with a look of confusion of her own.

"Wait wha-what? But I...but I read they went against another group of men," She added. "Another group of men who...who were made of magic!"

"I'm guessing you read bout the Orlando Magics," Jon retorted. "Again...same thing, they're just a sports team they don't use magic."

Twilight looked disappointing. Whether it was because her research turned up false information or the fact that there really wasn't any magic, Jon couldn't tell.

"So...so the stories I read about them using their skills to conquer wild bears, fearsome bulls, and even royal Kings?" Twilight asked with a sad face.

"Memphis Grizzlies, Chicago Bulls, and Sacramento Kings." Jon answered by tilting his head upwards, making sure he got the cities right.

"Oh...I see." Twilight said with a blush. "I'm afraid I'm not very knowledgeable about sports."

"Well I...can't even tell." Jon said with a funny look on his face. "If you want I can teach you a thing or two. I uh-- I have an extra ticket to the upcoming Giants game." Twilight sat up in her seat, a look on intrigue once again returning to her face.

"There are Giants in New York!?" She asked. Jon rubbed his hands across his face in frustration at the prospect of being back as square one.

"No Twilight again it's just a na-- you know what YES there are giants in New York." Jon said as the crowd laughed. A confused Twilight took this small break in the interview to drink from her mug again.

"If I may," Jon continued. "I would like to make an observation of my own using the data I've collected since we've met."

"Oh by all means!" Twilight said, leaning forward in anticipation.

"You...uh, you love books, always keep a schedule, find joy in otherwise mundane activities, and know nothing of sports." Jon said, receiving a nod of approval from his gust. "I have now come to the scientific conclusion, based on these recurring themes that you...are a huge nerd."

Twilight felt silly for walking into Jon's joke, displaying her feelings by pouting her lip slightly.

"Yeah I get that a lot from some of the other ponies back home." She said.

"'Back home' being Ponyville, right?" Jon asked.

"That's right." Twilight answered.

"How odd...It seems that uh, a lot ponies seem to live there who-- am I missing something or is that place just the happenest joint in town?" Jon asked. "I mean I would've guessed that someone like you would life in Canterlot. Seeing as how you're a Unicorn and you have a lot of connections over there."

"Well truth be told I actually used to live there." Twilight responded. "Grew up there with my family but then I was sent by Princess Celestia to live in Ponyville a few years ago."

"Why did she send you away?" Jon asked. "Was it some kind of punishment or something."

"No, no, no nothing like that." She answered. "She sent me to Ponyville because she wanted me to learn the true meaning of friendship!" Some of the audience members giggled at how corney her answer was.

"The true meaning of friendship huh?" Jon asked. "Couldn't she just've looked up its definition or something? I mean lord knows I sure you had a dictionary or two lying around somewhere."

Both the crowd and Twilight laughed as Jon grabbed his mug of water and extended his pinkie finger in preparation for his next joke.

"OH HELLOOOOOO Twilight!" Jon said, pretending to be Celestia by way of Queen Elizabeth the II's voice. "Listen I need you to go learn what friendship is! And to do this I'm going to send you far away from your family and home permanently! OOOOOH I do enjoy being a princess"

Twilight tried her hardest not to laugh for fear that Celestia was actually watching but in the end she couldn't help herself.

"Oh Jon that's terrible!" Twilight said, trying and failing to hold back incoming laughing fits. "There was more to it than that! She wanted me to learn what friendship was so me and my new friends could harness the power of 'The Elements of Harmony!'"

"I'm glad you brought that up Twilight." Jon said, leaning forward with interest. "I've heard of these elements before but I still don't know what they are. Could you explain-- and bare in mind I'm not from your world. But could you explain what these elements are and what they do?"

"Of course I can Jon!" Twilight said, raising her voice and clearing her throat so others could hear her. "You see Jon, The Elements of Harmony is the most powerful force in Equestria and is represented by 6 elements that keep our entire world from falling apart. These individual elements, personified by one of my friends, in order are: honesty, kindness, laughter, generosity, Loyalty, and mine which is magic. Each of us uses an ancient artifact that acts as a catalyst and when all the elements combine they unleash a great power...a power which we only use when evil threatens the land of Equestria and the ponies who inhabit it."

"Can you also summon Captain Planet?" Jon asked, breaking the serious mood that Twilight had delicately laid out. The crowd's laughter and Jon's facetiousness didn't sit very well with her.

"The elements are very serious Jon." Twilight scolded. "Without them life as we know it back home might not exist!"

"I'm sorry Twilight it just sounds so unreal to me...like something out of a cartoon." Jon said, trying not to laugh at his guest. "Now uh...you said you sometimes use the elements to fight evil. When was...the last time you actually had to use their power?"

"Well the last time we actually used the elements was about a year ago," She explained. "What happened was the town of Ponyville got taken over by Discord and we had to use its power to defeat him."

"Whose that?" Jon asked.

"Discord is a creature comprised of many mythical beasts," She said, furrowing her brow in contempt. "He is the god of Chaos and he lives only to plunge the world into lawless disorder. He's a creature of pure evil whose heartlessness is matched only by his insatiable urge to fuel himself on the suffering of others."

"Wow...this uh-- this guy sounds terrible." Jon said.

"He truly is!" Twilight responded, looking as if she was holding back some deep-seated emotions. "Tell me Jon do you humans have anypony like that in your world."

"Actually we do," He answered. "His name is Dick Cheney." Twilight though they were still talking serious at the time which is why she felt confused when the crowd busted out in laughter yet again.

"Now Twilight before we go I would like to say this...since the beginning of the show you've been real humble in your stance that your no one special." Jon said, sounding very serious for once. "But it's still my opinion that uh, that you are more important than you think so tell me uh--tell me honestly...have you ever experienced a time in your life where you felt like you were uh somehow superior or, or above other ponies?"

Jon's question didn't seem to sit entirely well with Twilight but she nevertheless gave it some genuine thought.

"Well there was this one time I broke into the spell archive room at the Canterlot Royal Castle" Twilight said, talking softly. "I was caught by a guard and even the Princess found me but I didn't get in trouble...I think it's because I had special privileges since they knew who I was." Twilight didn't mention her accomplishes for fear that they might get in trouble.

Usually Jon would have responded with a quip or two but he was still stunned at her story.

"You broke into the archive room of the castle!?" Jon finally responded. "You mean you actually went and-- you know I take back what I said about you being a Kennedy...you sound more like Nixon to me now."

"Oh, oh, oh I know who that is too!" Twilight exclaimed, once again using her magic to retrieve her book of presidents.

This time around however Jon had no plans of interrupting her.

"Here we go, Richard Nixon!" She said, finding the page she desired. "Richard Milhous Nixon was born in January 9, 1913 Yorba Linda, California where he became Senator. Later he became America's 36th President from January 20, 1969 to August 9, 1974. He is probably most known for the...scandal known as...'Watergate' where...he...."

As Twilight continued to read silently to herself Jon lifted his open palm in the air, counting down each finger in conjuncture with her eventual discovery.

"...HEY!" Twilight said poking her head from behind her book. Both the crowd and Jon laughed at an embarrassed Twilight who in time began to chuckle herself.

"Twilight it's been great to have you here tonight, thank you again for being here," Jon said grabbing her hoof. "Do you mind...just sticking around for about five minutes to show us some of your fancy spells and we'll just throw that on the web?"

"Oh well...I suppose I can fit that into my schedule." She said with a smile.

"Thank you very much Twilight. Tell Celestia I said 'hi,'" Jon said, now turning to the audience. "Twilight Sparkle everyone! We’ll be right back!"

The crowd cheered for more as the camera panned away from Jon whispering something into Twilight's ear. The camera took longer to phase into a commercial giving the audience at home a taste of what was to come by showing Twilight teleporting a few feet forward on stage for the audience. The crowd began to chant her name while the 'Daily show logo' flashed on screen then to another commercial break.

As Jon watched Twilight perform her spells he wondered who the hell he we was going to invite next that could even come close to topping this...unaware of the fact that his next guest was already on her way to Jon's home.

Episode 9 [Trixie]: The Magician

Episode 9 [Trixie]: The Magician

Ever since Jon first started interviewing ponies from Equestria there was one individual who had always been his biggest asset. Princess Celestia.

From approaching Jon with the list of ponies names to teleporting both himself and guests to and from New York, Celestia was always the one person (or pony) he could rely on when it came to "Equestrian Interviews." That is until the night Jon requested something that even she would not help him with.

Jon had interviewed Twilight Sparkle not a couple hours ago and already he was conducting further business. Locked in his study away from the prying eyes of his family Jon had called Celestia to make a request...a request that she did not take to hearing very well.

"And you're sure you can't think of anyone?" Jon pleaded.

"I'm sorry Jon," Celestia answered with a sigh. "But I'm afraid I can't help you this time. What you are asking just sounds so...distasteful."

"Yeah I know," He responded. "But that's just how it works around here."

"Well if that's the case then I must commend you on being able to acclimate yourself to such standards within your profession," she continued. "But here in Equestria everypony is unique and deserving of the same praise as anypony else."

"I suppose you're right." Jon said, as he rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry if I upset you."

"That's quite alright Jon. I bear no ill will." Celestia responded in a soothing manner, like a mother to a child. "You are more than welcome to continue with this idea though I'm afraid all I can do is send somepony to you. Nothing more."

"I understand," He said. "If I make a decision on who I want for this project I'll call you back tonight, ok?"

"Of course Jon. Good luck!" Celestia said. "Say 'hi' to Tracey and the kids for me."

"Will do." Jon said with a heavy sigh as he rubbed his tired eyes. "Oh and Celestia let me just say it never ceases to amaze me at how much of a kind and loving person you are."

"Why thank you Jon." She responded humbly.

"...There's no way in hell you'd ever make it in show business." He added. Celestia responded with a slight laugh.

"I'll take that as a compliment." She said. The two said their goodbyes and hung up, leaving Jon alone in his study with only the the occasional gust of wind providing any sound.

"I definitely could have phrased that question better." Jon thought to himself as he ran his fingers through his aging hair.

After his vacation to Ponyville and meeting Twilight Sparkle, some changes occurred in Jon's normal routine. For one he had been more cautious about work and who he chose to appear on his show.

Jon previewed Twilight's appearance for days in both his world and Equestria. As as as result her segment was the highest rated Equestrian Interview to date. However at the last second she almost cancelled leaving Jon without a guest for the night.

Ordinarily this wouldn't have been too much of a problem as Jon usually had a backup plan for these kinds of things; however with Twilight it would have been different. If she hadn't shown up the fans wouldn't have gotten their daily dose of pony like Jon had promised. This would have been devastating for the show.

To combat this possible scenario from ever happening again Jon had sent (through Celestia) more letters to Equestrian citizens, requesting their appearance at a later date. This way Jon would have multiple people willing to appear instead of just having one at a time. Thereby making scheduling that much simpler.

Another one of Jon's plans in making sure his show ran smoothly was having a pony come by the studio and do an interview off-the-air and save it for later as a back up recoriding in case a guest couldn't make it for whatever reason. The act of taping an interview with the sole invention of never playing it unless there was an emergency was a very common practice in show business and has proven to work before in the past.

One incident that came to mind was when Jon had the opportunity to interview a high-ranking senator who on the day of his interview had to fly back to Washington D.C. to cast his vote on an important piece of legislation. At the time Jon had some footage of an unused interview that he used as a placeholder and eventually got to have the senator on his show a few days late, so all as well.

This rarely happened but Jon didn't want to take any chances. Especially with "Equestrian interviews" because had this happened with Twilight he would be in serious trouble due to the fact that he didn't have access to any back up pony interviews. Only human ones.

So with his heart in the right place Jon called Celestia with an idea that, though efficient, had her feeling somewhat flustered. What Jon had proposed to her was a pony coming over very early the next morning to do an off-the-air taping of an interview. Though in his haste to cover his bases Jon had accidentally used the phrase "uninteresting" in describing anyone she knew for the job.

Getting someone to appear for an interview was simple business. You get the famous people to appear live on prime time to bring in the ratings and you get the nobodies to appear as backup footage to be used as a filler for the next famous person. To Jon it was business, but to Celestia it was foul.

Although she had some disagreements in what Jon was proposing she understood the importance of having a 'plan B.' But asking her if she knew anyone who wasn't interesting enough to go on a live showing was too much.

She still allowed Jon to have someone come on his show for this off-the-air taping but it was still her position that everyone in Ponyville was equally important. So to that end the task of coming up with a guest for the project was entirely up to Jon.

"Yeah...I really could have phrased the question better." Jon thought, as he slumped his tired head on the palm of his hand to keep him up. Jon would spend the next hour or so thinking to himself as he poured over the list of names belonging to a different pony.

The next thing to cross of his "to do list" was find someone bland enough to appear tomorrow morning. This proved to be harder than he thought.

Captain of the Wonderbolts

Fashion Photographer

Spa Owners

Successful business owners

Doctors

Butchers

Bakers

Candlestick Makers

All these ponies were interesting enough to merit their own real interview and just the fact that they were all talking animals in itself meant burying one for the sake of filler would be a grave injustice...and yet it had to be done.

Great guests aside the process of asking someone too do an off-the-air taping was always an awkward one. By asking someone to do so is basically saying to them:

"Hey buddy, guess what? You're no where near interesting or likeable enough to appear on TV for real so howsabout we record your no-talent-as just in case we need to kill time for someone who is?"

Jon sat up in his chair and shook his head to try and stay awake.

"At this point it could be anyone." Jon thought with a tired sigh. Almost on cue a flash of light momentarily distracted him from his critical thinking. The light illuminated from a burst of emerald green fire, which came and went within a matter of seconds leaving behind only a faint smell and a bundle of sealed envelopes.

"Oh great," Jon said with a yawn. "More mail."

Another change in Jon's routine as a result of his vacation in Equestria was the chance to have a direct mail service between himself and his other worldly fans. Before leaving Ponyville Jon had set up a system where any fan mail from Equestria would be sent to Twilight's house whereupon it would be finally transported to Jon via Spike. It wasn't the best mailing system but it meant that for the first time ponies in Equestria (many of whom believed Jon to be not real) now had the chance to voice their opinions to Jon. And voice them they did...many times a day.

Had this been a month or two ago Jon would have been utterly shocked by the sudden appearance of anything through the medium of fire, but it had been happening so regularly for the pass couple of days that Jon could practically set his watch to it.

Jon grabbed his new bundle of letters and skimmed through them one by one just to get a quick idea of what they were regarding. He was almost half way through the collection of letters before gently tossing them back on his desk; he was going to read them all later but in the meantime it looked to be a normal assortment of what to expect. Requests to have someone on the show, requests to have the sender on the show, ideas to make the show better, and general questions.

With deep breath Jon sat back in his chair and continued to think about what his next move was going to be. He closed it eyes and could feel himself gently floating away when something jolted him from his near slumber. Another small flash of light...only this one was somewhat different

He looked forward at his desk but no new letter could be found. In addition the flash of light was very faint compared to what he usually witnessed and the faint smell of smoke was absent. Jon wondered if he had merely dreamt whatever it was he thought he saw. In response to this he rubbed his hands over his face.

Bzzzt

This time Jon knew he wasn't dreaming because in addition to seeing the same faint flash of light he also heard something. Jon scooted closer to his desk, again no new letters. He leaned forward so to see if he could catch whatever it was that was causing the commotion.

Suddenly it happened again.

Bzzzzzzt

A little surge electricity appeared in front of him. Somewhat surprised Jon's first instinct was to check the wiring around his desk to see if there was a broken cable or something of that nature. Though this was somewhat pointless as the electrical shock appeared no where near any wiring. Almost as if it was in mid-air.

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzt

It returned again. Time time it appeared much quicker and brighter than before. Louder too.

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT

Now the surge of electricity was starting to get bigger and more violent. Jon was about to get up call someone who would know a thing or two about electrical currents when all at once a burst of light and energy sent him flying back with great force. Fortunately for Jon his desk chair caught him before he could fall, but the papers and other trinkets on his desk however were not so lucky as most of them scattered all over the ground.

Jon opened his eyes to see a cloud of smoke atop his desk. He didn't panic though because even through it's thick smog he could tell there was no fire; just smoke. In addition the smoke in question was not what Jon would call normal. Instead of being a black haze it was actually purple and blue.

Jon covered his mouth and used his free hand to wave the think mist away. He couldn't see much but he could just barely make out a lone figure standing on his desk. Who ever it was Jon could tell it was female based on the tone of her voice as he coughed and gestured off the cloud of smoke herself.

Even though he couldn't see what the person looked like through the slowly dissipating smoke there was one thing he did know for sure. Based on the silhouette of this mysterious stranger Jon could infer that it was a pony.

Eventually the colorful gas evaporated revealing both Jon's messy desk and a dark neon blue Unicorn. Her mane was comprised of light streaks of blue almost to the point that it looked white, and her cutie mark was not visible as it was covered by a cape held together by a diamond.

In fact, aside from maybe a hat or collar, this had been the first time Jon had seen a pony wear much clothing at all. Most of her body was covered by a purple cape and atop her head was a wizard's hat, both of which were purple and adorned with blue and yellow stars. Whoever this pony was she certainly seemed colorful.

With the smoke now gone, and any sense of danger along with it, Jon slowly approached the Unicorn to get a better look. It was then that he noticed that she looked as if she would fall over at any moment. Her legs wobbled strenuously and her breathing was heavy like she had just emerged from underwater.

"Is she injured?" Jon thought to himself. "I better see if she's ok."

Although his study was now a mess Jon felt it was only right to see if she needed assistance. He quickly walked over to his desk to tend to his invasive guest.

"Are you alright?" Jon asked, extending his hand to help get her down. "Do you need-"

Before Jon could offer even the smallest of assistance the blue Unicorn slapped his hand away.

"Do not touch Trixie!" She said. "I can handle myself!"

Jon recoiled at the sudden rudeness that seemed to have sprung from no where. He noted that it would seem she was talking in the third person; by that he gathered that her name was 'Trixie.'

"Um, Who...are you?" Jon asked.

"Who I am is not important." Trixie said. "What is however is my present location."

She began to look around in all directions as a smile slowly crept upon her face.

"Tell me human," she said with a smug tone. "Is this place...New York."

"Uh...yes, yes it is." He answered. "Manhattan to be exact."

"Excellent! Then the spell was a success!" Trixie exclaimed, wiping some loose particles from her attire. "Oh and forget what I said before...about who I am being not important because in actuality, it is. Brace yourself human for you are looking at the one...the only...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!"

Jon watched as Trixie flung her hooves in the air as if she had just won the lottery. She stood there in her pose for a good couple of seconds as if she was awaiting for an audience to cheer for her or to be doused by a shower of confetti.

"I'm sorry but...I'm afraid I've never heard of you." Jon said trying his hardest to tread lightly. This sudden news did not set well with Trixie, who just threw her nose in the hair in a manner that suggested she was better than Jon.

"Hmph! Well I suppose I shouldn't expect you to." She responded. "After all, only the most important ponies have ever heard of me. And I'm pretty sure none of them live here in...New York." She made sure to say 'New York' in the same fashion someone would explain a root canal.

Jon still couldn't see Trixie's cutie mark though with all the boasting she was doing he wouldn't be surprised if it was a picture of Kanye West's face.

"Speaking of which," she added. "Since this is New York I'm assuming you are the one they call 'Don Drewart?'"

"It's 'Jon Stewart.'" He answered, now sounding slightly annoyed.

"It does not matter what your name is," Trixie replied. "Just so long as you are who I think you are."

"Aaaand who do you think I am exactly?" Jon asked. This time it was Trixie who looked annoyed.

"If you are indeed the one called 'Jon Stewart' then you are the owner of that...show everyone seems to love so much." She responded.

"I'm guessing you mean 'The Daily Show.'" Jon shot back.

"Yes, yes that's the one." She said as she hopped off of Jon's desk onto the floor. Her graceful leap was met however with a thud as she crashed to the ground due to her weak legs; she slowly tried standing up which proved to be a challenge. For whatever reason she looked absolutely exhausted.

"Are you alright?" Jon asked, once again running over to help her up.

"Trixie is fine!" She shot back, once again refusing his assistance.

"Uh huh...sure you are," Jon said, standing back to give her some room. "Then well me...Trixie...why on earth does it look like you just went ten rounds with Big Macintosh?" Trixie, now focused on getting back on all fours, gave a somewhat straight answer for once.

"Well if you must know...getting here proved a bit more difficult than expected." She answered. "But in the end it was nothing the Great and Powerful Trixie couldn't handle!"

Seeing as how she looked as if she would faint at any moment Jon offered her a seat on his comfy chair. Instead of taking it however she began to walk around Jon's study, pulling out the occasion book or looking at a picture. Jon decided to do the same only he preferred to pick up the fallen letters and documents that had scattered upon Trixie's arrival and place them neatly back on his desk.

"Why are you here?" Jon asked as he picked up piles of papers.

"Isn't it obvious? Or are all humans has oblivious as you?" Trixie asked. Jon showed no signs of frustration; as a comedian in New York he's heard worse. "Trixie is here because she demands that you have her on your show!"

"I'm sorry?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief. "'Demand?'"

"Yes...'Demand,'" She responded. "It means to ask with authority. Try to keep up Stewart."

Jon stopped picking up his belongings to marvel at his present situation. He was at a loss for words; all he could do was give a confused laugh. Throughout his years in the entertainment business he'd met some pretty narcissistic characters but this one took the cake.

Part of what was catching Jon off guard was the fact that in his travels to Equestria, for the most part, every pony there was polite and respectful; almost as if their world took place in a kid's show. But this Trixie just seemed like she didn't belong there at all. She was rude, arrogant, entitled, and had a huge chip on her shoulder...she was more of a New Yorker than Jon.

"Well I...let's say, appreciate your offer Trixie," Jon said, putting a stack of envelopes on his desk. "But you see-"

"That's Great and Powerful Trixie, Stewart!" She interrupted.

Jon rolled his eyes, wondering if he still had that muzzle from when he first got his dog.

"...Noted." Jon said as he rubbed his hand across his face. "As I was saying I appreciate your offer but I already have a schedule in mind, and as you can see I already have a lot of people trying to get on the show as it is." To demonstrate this Jon motioned to the stacks of fan mail he had been getting since his visit.

Almost as if it was planned to happen a burst of green flame caught the attention of both Jon and Trixie before disappearing and leaving behind a new bundle of letters.

"See what I mean?" Jon asked, giving his rude guest a slight shrug.

Trixie stopped her exploration of Jon's study and made her way to his desk. In one smooth motion she stood on her hind legs and put her front hooves on his desk for balance. She examined the various piles of letters before giving a very audible "Ha-rumph!" With a single swipe of her hoof she sent a nearby pile tumbling back onto the ground.

"Do not compare me with these untalented ponies," she said as he tried to get back onto Jon's desk. This time he didn't lend her a helping hand. "Tell me Stewart, if these other ponies want to appear on your show so badly why are they not here?"

At this point Jon's sense of annoyance was slowly giving way to a sense of curiosity. As insufferable as Trixie was he was curious as to where she was going with this line of questioning.

"Well...I'm assuming there probably home right now." Jon answered. "But if you're asking why they're not here in my house making a mess it's because-"

"It's because they lack tenacity and the drive that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie possess!" She interrupted with a loud tone as if she wanted the whole world to hear.

Within the layers of arrogance that surround her previous statement was a kernel of truth. While others have wanted to appear in the show this was the first time someone from Equestria actually physically approached Jon instead of the other way around...and in his own home no less.

"To make it big as an entertainer one must have determination!" Trixie continued. "Isn't that rule number one for people like you Stewart?"

"And what would you know about the entertainment industry?" Jon asked.

"Well...if anypony here would be of some kind of authoritative figure on that matter I suppooose it would be you." She begrudgingly admitted. "But you know I'm right. I believe you humans have a term for it...now what was it?"

"Moxy?" Jon interjected.

"Yes that's it," She said as she flipped her hair. "You'd be a fool to squander your guest slot of anypony but me!" As annoyed by her as he was Jon had to admit that she was very determined...but then again the same could be said for a crazed stalker.

"Alright I'll hear you out." Jon said as he fell back in his chair. At this level, much to her delight, Trixie was now looking down on Jon. "Trixie...why do you feel the need to appear on my show?"

"Once again Stewart it's THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She said as she raised her hooves in the air. "And I'm afraid you have it the other way around...it is not I who needs to be on your show but it is you who needs me to appear on your show."

"Oh do I know?" Jon asked as he cupped his chin with his hand. "Well then enlighten me...why do I need you on the Daily Show?"

"Again the answer is obvious!" She said her tone now more smug than ever. "You need interesting ponies for your show. Up until know your roster as been a cavalcade of mediocrity but with me on your show your viewership will increase ten folds!"

Jon leaned back in his chair, impressed by Trixie...impressed at how egotistical she was.

"Furthermore it has come to my attention you have yet to have a skilled magic user on your program," she continued. "As a proud Unicorn I can not allow my kind to go unnoticed!" Jon thought about what she said, and how wrong she was.

"I'm afraid your mistaken oh Great and Powerful Trixie," Jon said. "We've already had a Unicorn on our program before...very recently as a matter of fact she was really good. Her name is Twilight Sparkle."

The utterance of Twilight's name seemed to have resonated with Trixie.

"Yes I am fully aware that you recently interviewed...Twilight Sparkle." She said, pausing as if she had to get a bad taste out of her mouth. "And I still stand by my previous claims. Trust me when say Ms. Sparkle is nothing compared to me...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!"

This time Trixie stood in a posed position for a longer duration than usual as if to act as her own exclamation point. Jon had heard enough, all he wanted to do was get rid of her. In that moment Jon had hatched a plan but for it to work he needed to tell a little fib first.

"Alright." Jon said. "I'll do it...I'll have you on my show."

"Hm hm, a wise choice, Stewart." Trixie said. "Perhaps you aren't daft as I thought you were."

"Right back at ya." Jon said under his breath.

"Come tomorrow I'll show you and the rest of the world what real magic is." She said. "Now then in the mean time I shall require a room of my own to stay in, as well as transportation to your show in the morning."

"Wait what!" Jon exclaimed. "Didn't you think of that stuff before coming here?" There was actually a lot of things she didn't think of before coming to his world.

"Well excuse me Stewart but I was under the assumption that I am now your guest." Trixie shot back. "And as such I believe I am entitled to a little thing called 'hospitality.'" Jon smacked his palm against his face in frustration.

"Down the hall, first door on your right." He said. "That's our guest bedroom. It's all we have."

"It'll have to do." She said, making her way to the door. "Please do not disturb me for the rest of the evening I must prepare for tomorrow."

As soon as Trixie left the room Jon got up from his seat to make sure is she was really gone. He peaked into the hallway and just barely missed her flank disappearing in the free bedroom. Now that he was alone once more Jon took out his cellphone and began to dial Celestia's number, hopefully she could use her magic to teleport Trixie out of his house.

But just as Jon was about to press dial on his phone a thought occurred...he still needed someone from Equestria to do an off-the-air taping of an interview. The only problem that Jon had with this idea was he didn't particularly enjoy the thought of asking someone to act as filler...but perhaps the answer was now in front of him, or rather a few rooms away.

There are only two ways for someone to be eligible for being used as a backup piece: 1) They're not famous enough or 2) they're not likable enough. And to Jon, Trixie certainly filled one of those criteria.

Jon thought that the act of having Trixie appear as a filler interview was somewhat mean. Especially since he had no intention of telling her that that was the case. But in the end he justified it to himself with the following reasoning.

"It couldn't happen to a nicer pony." Jon thought as he put his phone away. He turned off the light in his study and made his way to bed, ready for a well deserved sleep.

Looking back Jon realized he was very close to having Princess Celestia take Trixie back to Equestria that day...with hindsight Jon knew he made the right choice by keeping her.

Episode 9 [Trixie]: Please welcome to the show Trixie

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: The Great and Powerful Trixie (Trixie)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The sound of cameras turning on could barley be heard over the audience who were chatting amongst themselves. Jon had sent out a tweet stating that there was to be a very early morning edition of the show which would only contain the interview segment.

To anyone in the Manhattan area there will be an off the air taping of the show occurring @ 6:30 #Equestrian_Interview

Ordinarily the turnout for the event might not have been as big as an actual episode but Jon playfully made sure mention that is was in fact an "Equestrian" Interview to make sure people showed up. The result of this was a huge line waiting around the block to get in. The set looked as average as it always had with the only difference being the 'On air' sign would never turn on.

Before the taping a stagehand explained once more to the audience what this early morning shooting was for; after getting nodding heads he made a gesture and the camera starting to film. The crowd realized that the taping had begun which meant the show was about to start. This interview may not have been a part of a real show but the audience's excitement was very much genuine.

The camera angle changed slowly from the audience to Jon, essentially going from looking down from an upper level to looking forward from the lower level. The camera zoomed in on Jon who was rocking back in his chair and pretending to adjust his tie.

"Hi, welcome back to the Daily Show our guest tonight!" Jon yelled. "She is a traveling magician who is the self-proclaimed best magic user in all of Equestria. Please welcome to the show Trixie!"

The crowd began its usual level of cheering at the thought of not only getting to see an "Equestrian Interview" but also at the prospect seeing a real magician. For a few seconds no one turned up on stage which caused the applause and excitement to diminish somewhat...only to return again with even greater intensity.

Trixie finally appeared on set though instead of simply walking on out like most quests did she instead opted to teleport herself to the center of the stage in a cloud of vibrant smoke. She stood there hooves extended outward as if she was trying to grab the heavens. Before Jon could even get up from his seat her horn glowed with magic as she began to blast forth a spectrum of colors at the audience. In actuality it was only using a simple illumination spell but to those in attendance it was a wonder to behold.

Jon began to approach Trixie who was still providing her own show for the audience but immediately stood back once she threw up another spell which caused what looked like multiple flares to spring forth out of nowhere. Jon decided to stay where he was which was by the guest's chair.

After her little performance had ended she faced Jon who motioned for her to come over and sit down by lightly tapping the seat of the chair. With her magic now at an end Trixie noticed that the audience's cheers was slowly started to die down; she looked back at Jon and gave him a smug smile. She had an idea.

Once again her horn shined with a magic aura, an aura that also appeared over by the chair Jon was presenting her. Using her magic she forced it to roll over to her, surprising Jon in the process. The crowd found themselves in another uproar.

With the swivel chair now in front of her she easily teleported herself atop it and, using her magic once more, ordered it to carry her back over to Jon's desk. The crowd stood and applauded with delight while Jon walked over to his own chair giving his guest a non-sarcastic slow clap. He sat down ready to get things started.

"Wow, I gotta say," Jon said, pausing to let the crowd finish their cheering. "I've been...I've been doing this thing for over a decade now and that-- I've seen people come up to their seat but this is the first I've seen the seat come up to them."

"Well then I suppose those other guests just weren't as talented as me." Trixie said, nonchalantly looking at her hoof.

"Well...welcome to show," Jon said as he adjusted his notes. "I uh, I hope you've found your stay here in New York pleasant."

"Hmph, it's not the worst place I've ever been to." She responded. "I suppose it does have a...quaint charm to it."

"So uh-- so you're fine then?" Jon asked. "No complaints?" Jon would soon find out that Trixie had a complaint for a lot of things.

"Well now that you mention it I do have an issue I would like to discuss with you." She said, looking Jon dead in the eyes. "I am not at all pleased about your description of me for the intro."

"Oh uh...I had no idea." Jon retorted with a nervous smile. "Wha-what didn't you like about it?"

"Well for starters Stewart...'self proclaimed best magic user in all of Equestria?' She asked, leaning forward to intensify her glare. "Nothing about me is 'self proclaimed.' I simply am the best at magic. Don't believe me? Ask your spectators." Before Jon could respond he was cut off by a quick burst of cheering from the audience.

"I'll...I'll make a note of that!" Jon said as he comically scribbled on his notes. "Anything else I should know, Trixie?"

"YES; that! Please refer to me by my actual title...THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She said, throwing her hooves in the air.

"How about an abbreviation?" Jon asked. "I could call you for GAPT for short?" The crowd chuckled while Trixie just gave him an icy glare.

"Ok..." Jon said raising his hands in defeat. "The Great and Powerful Trixie it is."

"Very good." Trixie said. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?" Jon didn't feel like answering that question. He just wanted to continue with some of his laid out talking points.

"So...Great and Powerful Trixie." Jon said. "Why do you think-- I mean, why are you the most powerful pony in all of Equestria?"

"Are you blind Stewart? Did you not see my performance?" Trixie asked. "I suppose it's true what they say about one's vision being the first to go in their old age." The crowed grew with anticipation, wandering how Jon would respond. For the entire interview they just assumed her attitude was just part of an act. It wasn't.

"No, no I saw." Jon retorted. "I mean my vision is just fine...don't believe me? Ask me how many fingers you're holding up." The crowd laughed while Trixie just continued glaring at Jon. The last thing she wanted was to be out staged, even on Jon's own show.

"But what I mean is...how uh, how do you know for certain you're the best?" He continued. "I mean have you gone around challenging other ponies, till there can be only one or something like that?"

"You're not too far off. For you see I'm actually a wandering sorcerer," Trixie answered "I go from town to town displaying my magic for all to see! And in my travels I have yet to find a single pony as talented as the Great and Powerful Trixie."

"It uh, it almost sounds like you’re a traveling performer." Jon retorted. "An...entertainer if you will."

"If you feel the need to I suppose you can label me as such." Trixie answered as she flipped her hair. "Though I prefer the term 'wandering sorcerer.'"

"Well riddle me this." Jon retorted. "Do you...display your magic for the entertainment of others or do you ever charge money?"

"I'll charge a nominal fee every now and again." She responded tentatively. "And yes I do generally use my magic for entertainment purposes."

"For what it's worth it really does sound like you're an entertainer." he retorted. "You know we have people here in our world who do the same thing. It's how they make a living."

"Is that so?" Trixie shot back, sounding interested. "Like who?"

"Well the most famous I can think of are Pen and Teller," Jon answered. "Um there are others like: David Copperfield, Siegfried and Roy, Mark Wilson...but to my mind the best is still Pen and Teller."

"Tell me Stewart." She said. "These magicians of your world...what kind of magic do they do. I'm certain their abilities pale in comparison to my own."

"My how...confident of you." Jon retorted. "But you see they-- that's another thing what they do isn't technically magic. At least not by any literal definition."

"Elaborate!" Trixie demanded.

"Well you see we don't have real magic here in our world, what these magicians do is simple parlor tricks." Jon explained. "They use smoke, mirrors, and the sleight of hand to make it look real when it really isn't."

Trixie gave the audience a look as if she wanted to confirm with them that what Jon said was true.

"I mean here in our world we have a little saying: 'a magician never reveals his secrets.' But in fact...some of the people I mentioned before have and every time it's revealed that their magic is...uh for lack of a better term-- fake." Jon said as he turned to address the audience. "Welcome to 'The Daily Show' where we ruin childhoods!"

The crowd laughed as Trixie, in a gesture to show off her superiority, used her magic to levitate the water out of her mug and into her mouth.
,

"My, how disappointing." She said. "The Great and Powerful Trixie was so hoping to show these so called 'magicians' that I am the superior magic user."

"Isn't that just a little bit presumptuous of you?" He said. "I mean you've never...met any of these men before. What makes you think you're better than they are?"

"Well Stewart as I've said before I have yet to meet anypony with more magical abilities than me," She answered. "I just naturally assumed that this world would be no different."

"Alright but hear me out for a second...hypothetically." Jon said leaning forward. "Let's say you uh, you did get the chance to go one-on-one with one of our magicians...what would be your game plan? How would you deal with, with their forms of magic?"

"Simple. Trixie would simply deduce how their magic works than replicate it but better." She said. "And thus I would show that there is nothing the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot do."

"You really think you could do all that?" Jon asked as he raised his eyebrow. "Just show up and beat them at their own game."

"Of course." Trixie said proudly. "I've said this before and I'll say it again: 'anything you can do I can do better!'"

"You can do anything better than me?" Jon asked

"Yes I can!" Trixie answered.

"No you can't." Jon responded.

"Yes I can!" She exclaimed. "Why I could even do a better job of hosting this show than you."

The crowed cooed with anticipation while Jon leaned back in lofty shock and gave her a smile.

"Oh you think ya bettah than me!?" Jon said with his New York accent. "You think you're that good?"

"Oh please Stewart," She said. "Your so called comedy is no difficult feat. Anypony could do it; observe." Trixie cleared her throat and used her magic to face the audience.

"Why did the Scootaloo Cross the road? To get the cutie mark on the other side!"

"What did one lumbercolt say to the other lumbercolt when he hit him with his axe? Sorry, that was an 'AXEident.'"

"What is a pony’s favorite drink? A Maregarita!"

"How many apples did Applejack need to make her Pie? 3.14!"

The audience as well as Jon laughed as soon as her routine ended. Trixie took their laughter as proof of her comedic talent unaware that they were laughing at how awful her jokes were.

"You know what," Jon said still in mid-laugh. "I'll give you this...you certainly are 'entertaining.'"

"Trixie told you so." She said raising her head in the air. "I mean, was there ever any doubt."

"But tell me oh Great and Powerful Trixie." Jon continued. "You uh...you say you're the best and that you've been going around doing your magic from place to place. Who--what obstacles have you had to overcome to get where you are today?"

The question was met with some hesitance on Trixie's part. Being used to people just watching her rather than talking to her she was not familiar with someone asking questions like this before. She had no idea that Jon was only getting started.

"Why do you wish to know?" Trixie asked.

"Well we have six minutes to kill and you seem to be really good at talking about yourself." Jon answered. Before Trixie could respond Jon made sure to give an honest answer.

"But really it's because it sounds as if you've seen a lot of things in your time." Jon added. "Plus I'm sure your fans would love to know a little more about you." Sensing the direction he was going in the crowd began to cheer for Trixie to answer. She couldn't say no at this point.

"I can assure that there have been very little things that can get in my way," Trixie answered. "But if you must know I would say my biggest obstacle would be...a lack of support for what I do. When I first started doing this I didn't receive positive feedback for using my magic for entertainment purposes."

"Ah I've been there myself." Jon said. "I was really young when I...started doing comedy and standup and because of that it was difficult to get a gig let alone get my foot in the door."

"It...It was hard for you too?" Trixie asked.

"Oh you bet," Jon answered, sounding as genuine as he could be. "I mean even my own parents didn't fully support my decision at first." Trixie was in the middle of using her magic to transport more water into her mouth when she lost focus, causing her water to spill on the table.

"Your parents?" She asked inquisitively.

"Yeah...I guess they didn't like the idea of seeing their baby boy grow up to be a dime-a-dozen comic," Jon answered. "But even though they had their disagreements they still made sure to respect my decision and give some support...which, let me tell ya, really helped me a lot when I was waiting tables at comedy clubs."

For the first time in the interview Trixie didn't have a quick and pompous response but instead had a look on her face as if someone had given her an extra hard math equation. He'd seen that look before.

"How about your parents?" Jon asked. The question caused Trixie to once again return her attention to Jon.

"Excuse me?" She said.

"Were your parents supportive of you being an entertainer?" He asked.

"I...wouldn't know." Trixie answered. "I've never really met my parents." Jon began to wonder if this was going to be one of those interviews.

"Oh I see," Jon said. He wanted to be tactful about this subject yet at the same time get her to open up more. "What do you mean exactly by...by 'never really met?'"

Trixie didn't know how to answer; no one had ever asked such a personal question before. Uncertain of what to do she chose to tell the truth.

"What the Great and Pow....what I mean is my parents left me at an orphanage when I was but a mere filly." She answered. "According to those who worked there I looked to be only a year old." Now Jon was certain that this was indeed going to be one of those kinds of interviews.

"I'm...so sorry to hear." Jon said.

"It wasn't all bad." She said, as she brushed her hair aside. "It was because of dear old mommy and daddy leaving me there that I discovered my special talent."

"Your special talent?" Jon asked. Trixie stopped playing with her hair and swung her hoof behind her to whisk her cap in the air. This briefly displayed her cutie mark which was a magic wand sprinkling what look like magic powder.

"Yes, as you can see by my cutie mark Trixie was born to be a magician." She said.

"If you don't mind me asking." Jon continued. "How...uh, how did you discover your talent for magic at an orphanage?"

Trixie debated on not answering his questions but in the end decided to on the off chance the audience would turn on her if she didn't.

"Well Stewart when you've lived in an orphanage as long as Trixie did you're bound to find your special talent sooner or later." She answered. "I went unadopted for most of my young life so when I got older I became a 'big sister' who was in charge of taking care of the younger fillies and colts who came in. A lot of them were scared or sad and it was my responsibility to show them around the orphanage."

The crowd as well as Jon held their breath less they accidentally distracted Trixie from her story.

"I found early on that I could use my magic to entertain them and make them feel more at home." Trixie continued. "I remember on rainy nights when we couldn't play outside I would put on magic shows for them. Or if somepony didn't get adopted I would cheer them up by using a spell to playfully levitate them in air, or as they called it 'playing rocket ship.' Some nights, if the children were frightened of the dark, I would use my horn as a night light till they went to bed."

"I see. Now...you say you spent most of your younger years at the orphanage," Jon said leaning forward so she could hear him. "And you discovered your special talent there so how did you learn to use magic in the first place? Did you teach yourself or something?"

"No somepony at the orphanage trained me," Trixie said as a perky smile found its way on her face. "An older unicorn...his name was Puppet Theater," Jon noticed that this was the first time he'd seen Trixie smile at something that wasn't out of arrogance or pride...she simply looked happy.

"Tell me about this unicorn." Jon said.

"Well he didn't work there or anything like that; he was also an orphan," Trixie continued, the smile still resting on her face. "He was a few years older than me and when I first arrived at the the orphanage he was the one who took care of me like how I eventually did with the other ponies. He had a fondness for carving wooden puppets and he would use his magic to make them dance for us. When I got to a certain age he taught me how to use magic like he did and we became good friends."

"What kind of pony was he?" Jon asked. Trixie answered as if she was a schoolgirl talking about a boy from homeroom class.

"Oh well he was unicorn like me of course but he was much taller." She said with a giggle. "His coat was a simple light brown and he had a wavy black mane. He always wore this blue bow tie and he had the most adorable cutie mark you've ever seen. A puppet held up by strings."

Jon had never seen her look so happy...which is why he hated that he had to ask his next question.

"So...where is--What ever happened to Puppet Theater?" Jon asked. The smile on Trixie's face disappeared.

"He got adopted." Trixie said bluntly. "Right around the time I got my cutie mark a family took him away from me-- us. With him gone I was the oldest pony and was in charge of taking care of the little ones...I never saw him again after that."

"You didn't try to get in touch with him?" Jon asked.

"I had no idea where he went so it would've impossible." She answered. "All I knew was he gone to live in some kind of distant town but I never found out which one." Jon tried to steer the conversation in a somewhat different direction.

"So when did you get adopted?" He asked.

"...I never did." Trixie answered. "I lived at the orphanage till I was too old to stay and the couple who owned the place, Mr and Mrs. Heart, were forced to kick me out." Jon didn't know at the time but Trixie getting sent away would become a common theme in her life.

"Whoa...I-- I can't imagine what that must've been like." Jon said. He tried to reach for her hoof but Trixie pulled it away. "Where did you go afterwards?" Trixie took a moment to respond.

"Well...since I was on my own for the first time in my life I decided to try and improve my magic so I can further my career as an entertainer," She said as she twirled the water in her mug with her hoof. "But with Puppet Theater gone I needed a new teacher so I worked a couple of odd jobs for the next year till I earned enough money to attend my first semester at a private academy for Unicorns."

"Oh well that's nice," Jon said. "Did you end up learning the kind of magic that would help you...as uh, as an entertainer?"

"Yes I did," Trixie said. "Unfortunately learning that kind of magic is what got me into trouble."

"What do you mean?" Jon asked as he scooted up in his chair.

"Well...remember when Trixie said her desires to learn magic for entertainment purposes wasn't well received?" She asked.

"Yes..." Jon answered.

"Well that all began at the academy," she continued. "Depending on where you go Unicorns will treat magic with the utmost reverence. To some magic is a sacred act which demands an equal level of respect...let's just say some of the ponies at the academy didn't like the fact that Trixie was using their precious knowledge of magic for 'fun and games.'"

"Could you give us an example of this?" Jon asked. Trixie took a moment to think before speaking.

"Very well Stewart, behold that power that is the Great and Powerful Trixie!" She said as she stood up in her chair. Her somewhat troubled demeanor was replaced with her usual egotistical confidence as she was once again back in her element.

Her horn became illuminated with magic as she began to cast bright light which filled the room. Some of Jon's stagehands caught on to this and dimmed the light. It was dark enough to the point where the brightest thing in the entire set was Trixie.

"This...is a simple illumination spell. Nothing special" Trixie said. "And this is what a little extra magic can do." The magic around her horn changed in color and flow and along with it so did the light it projected. The white light changed to a light blue color; before the audience could even give out audible reaction the color changed again and again and again till her point came across.

"You see Stewart one of the things I picked up from school was I could change the color of an illumination spell if I added some extra magic," Trixie boasted as she changed the hue again and again. "If I wanted to I could even make it I could throw the light around me in multiple bursts."

"That's very impressive!" Jon said. All at once Trixie ended her light show so she could address Jon.

"Well the headmasters at the academy didn't think so," Trixie said with a layer of detest in her voice. The lights turned back on and with it Trixie continued to speak. "You see to do these tricks I need to add an extra bit of magic and concentration. My professors didn't like that one bit. To them it was a pointless waste of time and talent to take an already simple spell l work extra hard to decorate it."

"So what did you end up doing?" Jon asked.

"What else could I do...I ignored them. I didn't care what they thought so continued to learn magic with the sole purpose of being an entertainer and traveling lands." Trixie answered. "A lot of my tricks came about from basic spells with a cosmetic overlay...as time went on I experimented with what I could do. Teleportation spells with funny sound effects, voice alteration spells where I could change my tone to something more humerus...I even learned a defensive spell where I could cast a smoke bomb to avoid enemies but changed it so the smoke was colorful and shiny."

"Huh, a young woman goes to college to learn and ends up experimenting, no that seems about right." Jon responded as he tapped his pen against his desk in anticipation. "I can't imagine this went over very well with your professors."

"No it didn't," Trixie answered. "They tried to get me to stop but I told them I wouldn't so they did the only thing they could do..."

"Oh don't tell me..." Jon said as he winced in discomfort.

"That's right; I as expelled," Trixie said without a hint of grievance in her voice. "They kicked me out too...I suppose they just could not handle the genius that is the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

Jon paused to think of another topic to change to, wondering if it would just yield more bad memories for his guest.

"Ok so...you're now out of college and you have a new understanding of magic," Jon said waving his hand in front of Trixie. "What did you do next?"

"Isn't it obvious? One so proficient in magic as myself cannot keep her talents bottled up." Trixie answered with a smirk. "After Trixie was so wrongfully expelled I traveled the lands displaying my magic from town to town."

"How did that work out for you?" He asked. "I mean being a traveling performer must've been tough for someone on their own."

"Hmph. Well let’s just say there were those out there who shared the same...philosophy as my college." Trixie said as she idly adjusted her cape.

"Other towns didn't like you using magic for entertainment?" Jon asked, knowing all too well the feeling of getting thrown out of a night club because his routine was no good.

"Yes but that wasn't the only reason. It's true I performed in towns that didn't like my style of magic but other towns had their excuses too." Trixie said as she held her head high in the air. "The first town I visited was populated by traditionalist Unicorns who didn't approve of me. Another town kicked me out because they were all hardworking Earthponies who didn't allow magic. I even remember one city forced me to leave because I needed a license to perform on their streets...a license which they would not authorize to me."

"You...I'm sorry to say but you make it sound like you didn't have much success at all out in the field." Jon said which got him a sharp look from Trixie.

"You assume to much Stewart! While it's true I did have trouble getting around I was met with more welcoming experiences as well. Though even they had their reasons for wanting to get rid of me." She said. "I recall one town which welcomed me with open hooves. I made a killing there but some of the local flavor threatened me to move since I was taking business away from them. But that's not all; Trixie remembers a town that loved me so much they couldn't get any work done on account of their citizens lining up to observe me. The mayor asked me to leave since I was too much of a distraction...her words not mine."

Jon was starting to get a better picture of his guest...a sad picture of a Unicorn who simply wanted to call a someplace home but never could.

"Each excuse may have been different from the last but in the end...in the end every town had a reason to want to get rid of me," Trixie continued in a somewhat sad tone only to immediately bounce back to her pompous one. "They were all just jealous of the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

The last thing Jon wanted to do was interrupt Trixie at the moment so he made sure to wait till she was done talking.

"So Trixie what, uh what town would you consider to have been the most hospitable towards you?" Jon asked. Trixie thought about the question for a second.

"I had a pretty good thing going for me in this one town...you might've heard of it, it's called 'Ponyville.'" Trixie said straight faced.

"I've...I've been there." Jon said nodding his head. "I didn't know you once performed in Ponyville. Too bad I missed it."

"This happened over a year ago," She continued. "For a moment I thought I might've found a permanent resting location. Or at the very least a base of operations. The citizens loved me, my magic was at its prime, and I even out did their local heroes with my power. Everything was perfect."

"Until?" Jon ventured.

"Until I was...out staged by the one called...Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said taking a sip of her water like she was trying to wash back down the name she just uttered.

"I know about Twilight Sparkle." Jon added. "We just recently had her on the show."

"Trixie knows of this!" She shot back. "Commercials promoting her were all over Equestria! Word of her appearance spread like wild fire."

"And that's when you first heard about it?" He asked.

"Indeed. The second I learned of...Twilight getting to be on television I knew it was up to me to take her place and show the world what real magic was!" Trixie exclaimed.

"Well if that's what you were trying to do you're a little late," he said. "I mean we already had her on and everything."

"You do not need to remind me of that," Trixie said with sharpened eyes. "But I can live with this...after all I do believe the saying goes; "save the best for last.'"

"I don't mean anything by this," Jon retorted. "But why did it take you so long to get here if you knew of Twilight's appearance three days in advance." This question was met by Trixie crinkling her snout before responding.

"Well like Trixie said before it was difficult getting here," she said. "I've never been to New York so teleporting here would be naturally difficult since I could not visualize my location. In addition this is an entirely different world which only made it that more difficult."

"Then how did you do it?" Jon asked.

Trixie smiled a most devious smile. To her Jon might as well have asked "Trixie why are you so great?"

"Trixie can understand your wanting to know after all, the method I used is rather genius if I do say so myself." She said. "You see since I've never been to your world traveling would be near impossible. So Trixie found an alternate route."

"You took the bus?" Jon asked. The crowd laughed while Trixie just ignored him.

"You see I concocted a special spell. A spell that took three days and many ingredients to make but a spell that once activated would have teleported me straight to you." She said, pausing for dramatic effect. "Since I didn't know where you were I had my magic do the leg work for me...I simply construed a powerful spell that, when activated, would teleport me to 'the funniest human on earth.'"

Jon felt a combination of both being impressed and flattered.

"Oh wow nice trick, hope you didn't leave your oven on." Jon joked as he adjusted his tie. "You know I gotta say it's a real compliment that your magic would--"

"Of course that didn't work at first because when I called forth my magic to teleport me to the funniest human it revealed to me that said human was a man by the name of George Carlin who had passed away a few years ago, so I knew that couldn't be you." Trixie interrupted. "I tried again and instructed my magic send me to the second most funnies human on earth but all I got was somepony by the name of Dave Chappelle who lived in a place called California. Based on this humans skin tone and general looks I knew it wasn't you. Then I tried again with the third funniest and again another name came up...some human called Louis C. K. Afterwards I..."

Jon leaned forward with his hand under his chin and listened as Trixie listed one by one names of people who were apparently funnier than he was.

"...and then when I asked for the eight funniest human my magic told me it was a human by the name of Chris Rock," Trixie continued. "Then I tried the ninth funniest but all I got was a hairy looking human by the name of Robin Williams, so then I..."

Each name she listed felt like a huge blow to Jon's ego which wasn't helped by the audience who continued to laugh.

"Finally I instructed the magic to teleport me to the sixteenth funniest human in the world and that's when I got Jon Stewart," Trixie added. "With the right human finally revealed I fully activated my spell and it teleported me to your dwellings."

Jon took a deep breath before responding.

"Are you kidding me!" Jon blurted out, slightly startling Trixie. "You mean to tell me I didn't even make it in the top fifteen!?"

"What can I say? Magic doesn't lie." Trixie said with a laugh. "For the longest time I thought my spell might have been corrupted. I would have tested it by asking who is the most powerful Unicorn...though if I wanted to know that all I would need to do is look in the mirror."

Jon wanted to comment that for all her boasting it still took her three days to use the spell while it took Twilight only one mid afternoon's worth. He decided against it on the off chance that she would take it personally.

"You know that seems like an awful amount of trouble just to get on the show. Especially all by yourself." He said. "Wouldn't it have been easier to...oh I don't know just ask for help or something."

"I don't need any help." She said with a frown. Jon could sense she was holding something back.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I just don't! Other ponies may need help but not the Great and Powerful Trixie! There is nothing I can't do!" She announced, sounding somewhat angry. "Why would I need the help of those inferior to me? All they so do is dismiss me and cast me away without a second thought but once they all see me on TV they'll know just how great I am...I just...I just want to prove to the world that I am more then just a wondering Unicorn who does tricks."

Jon sat back and watched the passion within Trixie burst forward.

"You see this...this is all to show them what I'm made of!" She continued. "Now everypony will see me! My parents, Mr and Mrs. Heart, the orphans, my old school, all those towns that tossed me aside, even...Puppet Theater, They'll all see me and know what I've become!"

Jon sat back in his chair and smiled, for the first time he saw Trixie in a whole new light. Jon could understand how her experiences could leave her bitter, but underneath it all Jon saw a pony who just wanted closure...to be at peace. He regretted that this was an off-the-air show

"I mean...um what I meant to say was, the actual reason why I didn't ask for help is because I knew no one would," Trixie added as she admired her hooves. "Celestia made it illegal for anypony to travel to the human world without her permission so I did it alone to avoid being caught."

Jon stared at Trixie, waiting for her flawed logic to sink in but it never did. Now he was relieved that this was an off-the-air taping.

"You know what Trixie...from where I'm sitting you turned out pretty great," He said. "And another thing...I say fuck those other towns for not wanting you. I think I speak for everyone when I say as far as we're concerned you'll always have a home here in New York!"

Trixie watched as the crowd stood up and began to chant her name. Never before had she received such overwhelming praise.

"Listen we’re out of time but would you mind staying for about five minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web?" Jon asked over the roar of the crowd. Trixie quickly looked back at Jon wide eyed.

"You...you want me to stay," She asked before shaking her head back and forth to regain her composure. "I mean the Great and Powerful Trixie could spare a minute or two. It would be a crime to deprive the masses of more Trixie."

"Thanks again for being here tonight," Jon said as he turned to the camera. "The Great and Powerful Trixie everyone! We'll be right back!"

The camera began its usual route as it ascended to the sky; the last image of the two is Jon whispering something in Trixie's ear as she used her magic to make an object levitate towards the audience. Soon the Daily show logo made its way on screen before disappearing in time for another commercial break.

Episode 9 [Trixie]: Here it is your moment of zen

Later that night at Jon's study

"You really didn't think that one through, did ya?" Jon asked a frightened looking Trixie who was crouched on the floor of his study.

Shortly after her interview Trixie realized the potential consequences of what she had done. She had broken Celestia's rule of not traveling to the human world without first going through her. This was a very high capitol offense which to Trixie meant she would be banished from the kingdom of Equestria.

Jon had explained to her that the interview wasn't live so Celestia (as well as everyone else) had no idea she was here. Knowing that he had been fooled into appearing on an off-the-air taping of the show surprisingly didn't make her mad but instead eased her troubles. However her relief as there was another problem.

In her haste to get to New York Trixie had forgotten to pack any of her mystical items. Her herbs, spell books, and other magical supplies were all back in Equestria and to top it all off she had used most of her magic just getting here. What all this meant was Trixie was too weak and ill prepared to travel back to Equestria on her own. The only way to get back home was to get Celestia to teleport her back...of course this would mean she would now Trixie disobeyed her orders.

"What am I going to do!" Trixie nervously said. "I'm stuck here and the only way back is through...oh now! Pl-please...please don't call Celestia...if she finds out I'm in your world she'll...no...no, no, no, no this can't be happening!"

Jon wanted to say something; anyhing to try and comfort her but this was all a bit outside of his scope of expertise. Trixie continued to curl on the ground while pulling her hat over her face to hide her expressions.

"I mean I...I can handle being kicked out of school or, or, or the orphanage but the entire Equestrian nation!?" She exclaimed. "A-and she'll do it to! She'll throw me away like everypony else I mean...w-why not!? Nopony loves me...nopony wants Trixie!"

Her ramblings started to become more erratic almost as if her brain was going faster than her mouth could keep up. Jon didn't know what to say, he just watched as Trixie wallowed in self pity and fear.

"...why does nopony want me?" She said with a sniffle. He could hear no more. If there was one thing Jon Stewart could not stand it was the sight of a lady crying. He had to say something.

"Look Trixie who says you have to go back to Equestria?" Jon asked, patting her on the shoulder. "I mean look...why...why don't you just stay here...with me?"

Trixie spun around, trying and failing to hid her tears.

"W-What?" She asked.

"Sure why not! I mean look, no one knows your here so you wont get in trouble." Jon continued. "You're always traveling so no one will know your missing."

Trixie began to calm down. She spun back around and used her hat to wipe away her tears before standing up to face Jon.

"Besides this will benefit me as well," Jon added. "I mean I'm still pretty new at this Equestrian thing so you could me my uh...my magical assistant."

"You mean...I would be your teacher?" Trixie asked.

"Oh well...uh YES, yes you will be my teacher!" Jon said.

"And, a-and this will be...my home?" She asked.

"Exactly! Who needs Equestria," he said. "And listen...if you want I'll uh...AH--whenever I go to Equestria I'll bring back some supplies every now and again for you. Then, only when you're ready, you can go back and no one will be the wiser."

For a moment Trixie just stared at Jon in Shock. She had a hard time comprehending why he was being so nice to her. Immediately she regained her composure and spun around to grab her hat.

"I...I suppose you need me that badly the Great and Powerful Trixie can stay and guide you for now," she said with her nose in the air. "If I am to live here there will be some changes! I demand a new bed for my room, three course meals, and I shall not be disturbed during mediation hours! Now then...I shall retire to my living quarters for the evening."

Trixie left Jon's study and into the hallway. Jon stood up to stretch when he noticed Trixie had poked her head back inside.

"Oh...and Jon?" She said, before dashing forward to hug him (though due to their size differences all she could do was embrace his leg). "Thank you."

With that she ran out the room into the guest bed room once again. Jon felt a warm fuzzing feeling for having done his good deed for the day but that feeling quickly went away and was replaced by dread

"Oh dear lord what hell hath I brought upon my house?" He thought. He walked towards his desk to pop a couple of aspirins to ward of the incoming headache he would soon receive from his wife who would undoubtedly be furious with him.

He staggered to his bedroom already regretting what he had done. The thought of having "The Great and Powerful Trixie" as a housemate was enough to make Jon want to put a bullet in his head...but she was in trouble and Jon couldn't just toss her aside like everyone else. It wouldn't be right.

As much as Jon hated his present situation in time he would look back on this day as the best decisions he ever made in his entire life. For unbeknownst to Jon at the time the decision to interview Trixie off-the-air and have her stay with him in his house would not only ensure the safety of himself, his wife, and his kids but also all of Equestria.

Episode 10 [Vinyl Scratch]: The suggestion

For the past couple of days Jon had been receiving fan mail, sent by Spike, from fans all over Equestria. Some of them were either ponies saying how much they loved the show while others were tips on how to make the show better; usually in the form of suggestions on who to have on next.

Trying to answer them all proved to be more difficult than he thought since they came so frequently. Because of this some fan mail unfortunately had to fall by the waste-side. The ones that Jon usually didn't respond to (but still read) were letters that told him who he should interview since he usually had a good idea of who he wanted anyway.

That is until he got one certain letter.

Jon walked down the stairs of his duplex penthouse, in lower Manhattan's TriBeCa neighborhood, and into his living room ready to start the day. It was a particularly lazy afternoon and Jon was looking after his two kids while his wife Tracey McShane was out.

It was very unusual for the the house to be so quiet at this time of day so Jon threw himself on his couch to take care of some paperwork. His kids were napping in the next room over but he wasn't alone.

A faint sound could be heard in the kitchen so Jon called out while at the same time signed some forms.

"That you Trixie?" Jon called out. The sounds of clanging silverware and drawers opening momentary came to a stop.

"Why do you humans feel the need to ask such stupid questions?" The voice called back. "If Tracey is out working while Nathan and Maggie are taking a nap one should reasonably conclude on their own as to who is left in the house. Though I suppose not everypony can be as wise as me."

To have Jon's question be met with an insult and self complement rather than an answer meant that yes...it was Trixie.

"Well so-rry your Majesty," Jon replied. "But for all I know you could have been some kind of burglar. This is New York."

It had been a few days since Jon invited Trixie to stay with him after her interview under the guise of being his mentor. To Jon's disbelief she'd been proving herself to be very useful. Though her knowledge of magic wasn't what made her a key asset in the Stewart household.

When Jon's wife first learned that Jon let Trixie stay with them she was outraged on many different levels. At first it was because he didn't consult her first and later it segwayed into the fact that she was a creature from another world who could use actual magic. Something which she thought wasn't safe to have in the house.

Not even Trixie's sob story (which Jon, and not Trixie, explained to her) helped in diminishing her frustration. She didn't care that Trixie had to place to go she just didn't want to be stuck taking care of her.

Tracey told her husband how they had no understanding in how to raise a horse though in retrospect it was a moot point seeing as how, as Jon explained it, Trixie had the cognitive thought necessary to take care of herself. That and, as a veterinary technician, Tracey knew what to feed such a creature.

Her animosity for the situation was only intensified once the kids had found out themselves and characteristically fell in love with Trixie. She feared that she would have to play the "bad guy" and explain to her kids why the Magic horsey couldn't say but as it turned out their infatuation for Trixie would inevitably lead to her staying.

Living in an orphanage for most of her life had made Trixie well versed in the art of taking care of kids. This coupled with the fact that Jon's children hanged off her every word meant that they did anything she told them to do, which was usually on the line of "go to bed," or "eat your veggies," and to address her by her full title rather than "Magic horse lady."

Although Tracey was still hesitant about having Trixie stay with them Jon's final selling point, which sealed the deal, was that they would always have a baby sitter handy. This meant that the two could go out to catch a show or have a date night whenever they wanted. This was too good a deal for Tracey to pass up so she eventually agreed.

Jon leaned back on the cough to stretch his muscles, using this momentary back and forth with Trixie as an excuse for a quick break.

"What are you doing in the kitchen anyway?" Jon called out.

"Still fond of those stupid questions I see." She called back. "I'm preparing a snack for when Nathan and Maggie awake from nap-time."

"You need any help?" Jon yelled out. "I can imagine opening the peanut butter jar is a bitch when all you have is hooves."

"I don't need any help," Trixie said coldly as she emerged from the kitchen and into the living room. "And I would appreciate if you kept your voice down; you'll wake them up."

Jon looked over at Trixie and hastily put his hand over his mouth in an obvious attempt to hold back waves of laughter.

"If you laugh...I'll kill you." Trixie said with an intense glare.

"I di--...I didn't say anything." Jon said with a large grin.

Trixie wasn't wearing her usual magician’s attire as she didn't want to get them dirty while preparing the food. The only she was "wearing," much to Jon's amusement, was a overly large cork that had been wedged on the tip of her horn.

Some of Tracey's conditions for having Trixie stay in her home were that she was to wear a cork on her horn when around the children and she was not allowed to use her magic on them. She was free to use whatever spell she wanted just so long as it wasn't done directly on Nathan and Maggie, though that wasn't why she had Trixie wear the cork. At around four feet tall Trixie's horn was in perfect eye level with the kids; the "cork horn" was just an added safety measure.

"So...so what's on tap for today?" Jon asked in an attempt to change the subject. Trixie gave Jon one last look before answering.

"...The kids will be having apple slices with low fat yogurt." She answered and she trotted over to the living room TV. "I've already set the television to their favorite TV show which they will watch only when they have consumed their entire meal."

"Nice work Trixie." Jon said and he leaned back over to his unfinished documents. "Who would have thought you'd turn out to be this useful?"

Trixie violently turned around to give Jon a scolding look. He pretended to not notice but it was difficult with Trixie since she (and by extension every other pony) had such massive eyes.

"Look it just a joke! I'm sorry, ok!?" Jon pleaded

"Not that." Trixie said.

"Than wha-- oh come on!" He said as he threw his arms in the air. "You're not seriously going to make me say it, are you?"

"Why not?" She answered. "Your children are smart enough to."

"...Ok fine." Jon said with a heavy sigh. "Nice work...oh 'Great and Powerful Professor Trixie.'"

"Very good student." Trixie said with her typical smug attitude.

"You know great baby sitter aside I haven't learned a single new thing about magic like I assumed I would." Jon said as he looked over some more papers.

"Let’s get one thing straight...I am not some mere baby sitter!" Trixie said as she jumped on the table, almost stepping on Jon's hands in the process. "I am THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!"

"Yeah I know," Jon said, as he tried to pull his paper work from under her hooves. "You tend to remind me of that about four times I day."

"That's only because your inferior brain doesn't seem to grasp it properly." She said. "Anyways like Trixie was saying...I am not a baby sitter. Children just happen to love me...but really that's no surprise. Everypony loves Trixie."

"My how fascinating." Jon said as he reached for Trixie with both arms. "Now get down from there. You'll hurt yourself."

Not particularly fond of people handling her, Trixie took a step back to avoid Jon's reach. In the process however her hoof slid on a piece of paper causing her to tumble onto the floor with a loud thud and girlish squeal. This time Jon didn't even try to hold back his laughter.

"I..I tried to t-tell you!" Jon said as he laughed loudly.

"Silence!" Trixie demanded.

"I'm...I'm sorry." He blurted out, his voice echoing through the house. "Look here let me--"

"No I mean be quiet!" She interrupted in a low tone. She quickly looked behind her then back to Jon. "You'll wake the kids!"

Now having realized how loud he was Jon was quickly lowered his voice to that of a whisper.

"Oh right sorry," Jon responded. "Do you need hel--" Trixie shot Jon a familiar look as she pulled herself up from the ground.

"Of course you don't." He said.

"Just be careful who you laugh at Stewart." Trixie said, never taking her eyes of Jon. "What goes around comes around...besides I know where you live."

Jon was about to respond when a flash of light erupted in front of him causing Jon to yelp with fear as he staggered backwards. Falling on his backside he made a loud crashing sound which would have caused Trixie to scold him further but instead just made her do the laughing this time. Though she was doing so in a much softer volume than Jon did.

Holding his heart as if it would leave his body at any moment Jon looked at the table which now held a stack of envelopes.

"Oh god dammit Spike." Jon said. "I swear I'm never gonna get used to that."

Trying to get up from his position proved harder than he though so he looked over at Trixie who was still laughing to herself. She paused long enough to see Jon's helpless demeanor. He grabbed his back and extended his hand towards her, motioning for her to come over.

"Seriously?" She asked.

"Hey cut me some slack," He replied. "I'm not as young as I used to be."

"Alright hold still," She said with a sigh. Never leaving her place she used her magic to carefully pull Jon up by his arm. "There you go. What would you do without me?"

"I shudder to think." Jon said as he used both hands to push his back in. Carefully sitting down Jon once again found himself back on the couch while a smug looking Trixie leapt next to him.

"I thought you were accustomed to...Twilight's pet dragon sending you mail?" Trixie said as she used her magic to levitate a letter to herself.

"Well I was at first," Jon answered as he took the letter away from Trixie, though that didn't stop her from just getting another one. "But that was when I thought he'd send letters to my study...I had no idea going into this that the mail appeared wherever I am. It's getting to be quite the nuisance."

In the past whenever Jon got a letter or other similar message via Spike's fire breath it was always coincidentally when he was in his study. Jon merely assumed that the whatever magic was at hand it was designed to appear in that specific location but in actuality the letter would appear wherever Jon was presently located.

"I'm going to have a talk with Spike the next time I'm in Ponyville cause this is becoming problematic." Jon said. "I've almost gotten into a car accident twice now and I nearly had a heart attack when a bundle of letter appeared when I was in the bathroom."

"Too much information, Stewart." Trixie said as she idly scanned letter after letter.

"And it's not just me, Tracey doesn't like it either." He continued. "Like last night when you managed put the kids to sleep early. Me and Trace finally had some alone time so we tried to make the most of it if you know what I mean."

The blue Unicorn looked at Jon with an unsure look on her face.

"Turns out letters can appear in the bedroom." Jon added with a frustrated sigh. "I tell ya nothing kills the mood faster than thinking your hair is on fire."

"Trixie does not understand," She said. "What do you mean by 'kills the mood?'" Jon slowly turned to give her a look of disbelief.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me," Jon said. "Look I know your world is literally all rainbows and sunshine and your national currency is good feelings and hugs, but I refuse to believe your world is without intercourse."

It took Trixie a second to realize what Jon had implied beforehand and immediately turned bright red as a result.

"UGH, DISGUSTING!" Trixie said as she used her magic to throw a pillow at Jon's face. "I do not need to know about your...private life, Stewart!"

"Now look who's making too much noise." Jon said. Trixie was still blushing and avoiding eye contact so Jon took this moment to grab a stack of fan mail and go through them one by one. Occasionally grabbing one out of the bundle to get a better look.

"Hm. Heavier load than usual." Jon said.

"It astounds me at how much attention your show gets." Trixie said, crinkling her snout. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has seen your program before...it is nothing special."

"Nothing spec-- it just won an Emmy last night!" He exclaimed.

"Hmph! Trixie cares not for pointless shiny trinkets." She responded. "Come back to me when you've booked a show at Los Pegasus."

Giving up trying to argue with her, Jon continued to browse sealed letter after sealed letter before eventually grabbing one at random and placing the rest back on the table.

"Ok here we go." Jon said as closed his eyes and tapped the sealed letter against his head. "I see a pony's name, a recommendation, and at some point the term 'somepony' gets used."

He tore open the top part of the letter and blew into it to retrieve its contents more easily. Pulling out a single letter he began to skim over it.

"Ok, let's see....blah blah blah, 'I love your show,'...blah blah blah, 'when will you be back in Equestria?'....blah blah blah, AH HA! Here it is!" Jon said as he pointed to a clause near the end of the note. "'..Also if you're taking suggestions, I think you should have my friend Berry Punch on your show! We always have her at parties and, after a few drinks, she always tells the best stories.'...I tell ya Trixie every single time. And if it's not a suggestion of who should be on the show it's someone asking if they could make an appearance."

"It's pathetic if you think about." Trixie said. "All these ponies begging and wanting to be on your show...it's sad really."

"Didn't you do the same thing?" Jon asked. Trixie didn't respond right away, she was busy trying to find a good comeback. Not a one could be found.

"S-shut up!" Trixie demanded. "Do not talk back to your teacher!"

"Sorry Professor." Jon said with a grin. He continued to look through the letters with Trixie doing the same. She never offered her assistance nor was she particularly helping in any technical sense. If anything it almost looked like she was searching for something, but Jon didn't mind.

After reading through a couple of letters, without his permission, Trixie stopped and began to stare ahead in deep thought. Eventually she turned to address Jon once more.

"Might I ask you a question, Stewart?" Trixie asked.

"Shoot." Jon said, his eyes never leaving the letter he was currently reading.

"You've read more of these than I have." She said. "Has...has anypony ever requested Trixie to appear on your show?"

Not expecting such a question to be asked, Jon stopped reading and tilted his head upwards to think. At this point Jon had not read through every single letter so he was unsure...though at this point Jon could not recall anyone suggesting her as a guest.

"It's too early to say, I haven't gotten through them all just yet." Jon answered. "Though I'm certain no one will request 'Trixie' to come on the show."

Upon hearing this Trixie tilted her head down to hide her face, and any emotions that it carried. Before she could respond she felt the gentle touch of Jon's hand rubbing her back.

"Now 'the Great and Powerful Trixie?' I'm sure I'll see countless requests for her appearance." He added.

Trixie didn't say anything but instead smiled. She didn't give any thanks and still preferred to hid her face but Jon could tell she felt better now, which was all he needed.

In no time the sounds of shuffling papers once again filled the room as the two continued reading through letters with Trixie mostly looking at who sent them while Jon went through and read each one.

"Trixie actually recognizes some of these names." She said. "Some of them I'm met in my travels."

It was true. As a traveling magician from Equestria, Trixie had met a lot of different ponies. Jon however didn't recognize a single name. Not just because he hadn't been to Equestria that much (though that certainly was a factor) but because for whatever reason fate had dictated that the stack of mail he was reading all had pen names.

"Yeah the ones I got are the fake ones," Jon responded. "Granted I know there is a silly degree in which some ponies in your world have names but I'm pretty sure these one's were meant to be anonymous."

To see if he was indeed right, Trixie leaned over to his pile and began to scan the many envelopes. As a citizen of the world she confirmed that yes they were not Equestrian names.

Rubbing his tired eyes, Jon leaned forward looking through his stack of fan mail in search of one to read. He challenged himself by seeing if he could recognize a name but he could not. All he saw was more pen names. Eventually however one name caught his attention. One that just stood out from the rest.

Some of the obvious fake names were stylized like "BluePegasus113" or "Yanhoover Pilot" or "Dr. Whooves" but this one just seemed beyond quirky. Jon took the letter in his hand and examined the writing on the front of the envelope.

To: Jon Stewart of Earth

From: The Emperor of Funny Happenings

"...What?" Jon said out loud.

Shaking his head proved to be fruitless as the name was still there and just as confusing as before.

"Hey Trixie...does Equestria have an Emperor?" Jon asked, his eyes rereading the address.

"No we don't," Trixie responded. "Not that I'm aware of. Why?" Putting her pile of letters down she peered over Jon's shoulder, putting her forehooves on Jon's leg to get a better view.

Jon doubted that this was from any royal governing body but nevertheless he felt compelled to read it. Using his free hand he tore open the note and began to read out loud it's letter.

Hi!

You don't know me but I'm an Earthpony who lives in Baltimare and let me just say I loooove your show! I know you must get about a thousand of these a day but I just really wanted to take the time to say how much I enjoy watching your show.

I didn't even know you we're real! I just thought your show was fictional so you can imagine how surprised I was when I heard you had appeared in Equestria a few times. If I ever see you I'm totally asking for an autograph!

Keep up the good work!

-TEOFH

PS: My friend in Ponyville told me that you come to our world to look for ponies to have on your show. I'm sure you don't have time to listen to this but if you want my opinion I think you should have Vinyl Scratch make an appearance! I think she's super cool plus didn't you already have her friend on?

Ok I'll leave you alone now! Swing by Baltimare sometime! I'll buy you a drink.

"Hmph. If this so called emperor had any brains he would have suggested that I appear on your show!" Trixie said as she stuck her nose in the air. "But I suppose I shouldn't expect much considering where he lives. I've been to Baltimare before...trust me it's no Manehatten...now that's the kind of place worthy of a pony such as myself. For with great talent..."

Ignoring Trixie for the time being, Jon closed his eyes and began to rub his chin as he quietly thought out loud to himself.

"Vinyl Scratch...Vinyl Scratch." Jon thought. "Why does that name sound so familiar?"

After a few seconds of deliberation it hit Jon like a piano falling from the sky. Vinyl Scratch was the roommate and good friend of Octavia, another pony he had on his show. The only question is would she be any good to interview as her friend had been?

"Hey Trixie?" He asked, cutting her off mid-rant. "Ever hear of someone called Vinyl Scratch?"

As annoyed as she was for being interrupted, Trixie still gave the question a good few seconds of thought before answering.

"The name does sound very familiar...if I had to guess I assume she's some kind of performer like me." She answered.

"That would make sense...Octavia did say her roommate was also in the music field." He said, looking back at the letter. "Hmm...maybe it's time for a follow up interview."

"What! You're actually going to go through with this suggestion?" Trixie exclaimed. "That's a terrible idea."

"I don't know it sounds alright to me. Now that I think about it this isn't the first time her name came up in a letter." Jon said. "Other ponies made the same suggestion so she's obviously well known."

"I still say this is a bad move" She added "...If you really want good suggestions for guest appearances all you do is ask me! The Great and Powerful Trixie!"

"With all do respect this is one area I don't need help in." Jon retorted. "I've been doing this for over ten years now; I think I know what I'm doing."

"Ah ah ah Stewart," She said as she wagged her hoof in his face. "As your Professor I know better, which is why I am here by taking it upon myself to handle your business decisions of who goes on the show!"

"You're kidding me right?" Jon asked.

"I assure Trixie is quite serious." She answered. "Aside from your one brilliant choice of having me on your show the guests you've had from Equestria have been quite mediocre. So, if you please I'll need the list of names that Celestia provided you."

"Weeell Professor I don't know how you'll find time to manage my busy schedule," Jon said as he got up from his seat and towards the hallway. "Especially since you'll have your hooves full with the kids and all."

"Shows how much you know, Stewart." She said with a scoff. "Nathan and Maggie still have fifteen more minutes of nap time before--"

Cutting Trixie off yet again Jon placed the palm of his hand against his mouth to amplify his voice.

"HEY KIDS COULD YOU COME OUT HERE FOR A SECOND?" Jon yelled.

"Stewart what are you doing!?" Trixie exclaimed. Before Jon could answer a very sleepy looking pair of children in pajamas emerged from one of the rooms in the hallway.

"What is it daddy?" Maggie said as she held the hand of her brother who looked like he would collapse from exhaustion at any moment.

"Hey sweety Guess what?" He asked. "Trixie told me that she wanted to play video games with you two."

"Say what!?" Trixie shouted.

Immediately both children shook away whatever sense of weary in favor of looks of Joy.

"Really!?" They both said in unison.

"That's right!" Jon said. "So could you guys go keep her company while daddy makes a phone call?"

The two kids nodded their heads in agreement and swiftly made their way to where Trixie was.

"I object!" Trixie said. "I hate the foul contraption! All it does is make odd noises and confusing imaged! I don't understand it!"

Maggie and Nathan would have listened to Trixie but they were too overjoyed to pay attention. Maggie turned on of the gaming consoles they had by the television while Nathan ran up to yank Trixie off the sofa.

"Play nice you three!" Jon called out as he ran up the stairs to his study.

"I'll get you for this, Stewart!" Trixie called out from downstairs.

Episode 10 [Vinyl Scratch]: Jon makes the reqeust

Episode 10 [Vinyl Scratch]: Jon makes the reqeust

With Trixie now occupied by the kids, Jon had some free time to make his new request. Alone in his study Jon picked up his phone, leaned against his desk and began to call Celestia. And did so completely by memory.

The phone rang a little bit longer than usual but like always the same soothing voice eventually answered.

"Why hello Jon." Celestia said. "What can I do for you today?"

"Hey Celestia I'm just calling cause I need a favor," he answered. "I'm looking for a certain pony for my show and I was wondering if you could help me."

"No." Celestia said.

"Good cause..uh wait...I-I beg your pardon?" Jon shockingly asked.

"Just kidding, of course I'll help you!" She said. "...I'm sorry Jon I just thought I'd joke around first."

"If that's your idea of a Joke then I got news for you," Jon retorted. "Don't quit your day job." Jon wondered if perhaps he was being too harsh to Celestia...something which didn't occur to her as she responded by laughing.

"Oh I just got that!" She chuckled. "'Day Job'...because I raise the sun. Oh my Jon, I suppose that's why you're the one hosting the show and not me."

Jon was tempted to tell her that he was in fact not joking but was being very serious.

"Uh, so about that pony?" Jon asked.

"Oh, of course," Celestia said. "Do you have a name."

"Yeah her name is Vinyl Scratch," Jon answered. "I believe she's a musician."

"Ah yes Ms. Scratch I do know of her," She answered. "She's quite famous in some parts...such a nice girl."

"You just said the magic word...'nice,'" He said. "Ever since my last guest I've been meaning to find a pony who won’t insult me at every chance she gets."

"Oh dear...that certainly doesn't sound like the Twilight I know," Celestia responded. "I was under the impression that you two really hit it off."

Immediately Jon slammed his hand over his mouth in a panic induced fear. He almost let slip that Trixie was in his world illegally since she never asked Celestia first.

"I'm..I'm just kidding again!" Jon blurted. "Twilight was great it's just...It's just she was a bit...let's say easily carried away. I'm just looking, uh looking for someone who is more used to being in front of an audience. Someone who is...professional and sophisticated like Octavia was. Her appearance really classed up the joint."

There was a small pause on the other line before Celestia responded.

"And to that end...you want Vinyl Scratch?" She asked.

"Of course," Jon asked. "She is Octavia friend, I mean you've met her before right?"

Ordinarily Celestia would have explained to Jon that in this regard Vinyl might not be what he was expecting but she remembered what Jon had said earlier about her not quitting her day job.

"Why yes I have met her before and may I say she is a prime example of how a proper young lady should conduct herself." Celestia answered. "The last time I had the pleasure of meeting her acquaintance was when we invited her to...perform at a royal wedding."

"See this is exactly what I need!" Jon said. "Getting the chance to play in an orchestra at a royal wedding? Can't get much more elegant than that! Let's set this up!"

"Very well, Jon," She said with a giggle. "Would you like to go ask her yourself?" The sound of something shattering downstairs told Jon that no, he had no time for a face to face inquisition.

"You know what I'm going to let you handle that," He said. "Things have been somewhat hectic around here since we've had another mouth to feed."

"Oh my! I had no idea Tracey had another child!" Celestia said with excitement. "That's so wonderful!"

Jon once again placed his hand over his mouth. This was strike two for Jon almost revealing Trixie's presence and he didn't want to risk obtaining a third one.

"Oh no it's nothing like that! We uh...we just have a guest over!" Jon said in a panic as he heard the sound of something else breaking. "Listen I gotta go! Tell the sun I say 'hi!'"

Jon hung up before Celestia could respond and without hesitation ran down stairs to see what the commotion was about. Unaware that the wild antics of Trixie and his kids were nothing compared to what he just agreed to.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: The rejection

As a professional entertainer Jon Stewart was used to the feeling of rejection. Early on in his career he grew accustomed to being turned away from the occasional night club or a stand up gig, and as a famous talk show host he got used to celebrities refusing his offers to appear on his show.

Jon learned a long time ago to not take it personally but instead build on that feeling to better yourself. It's as the old saying goes when one falls of a horse you get right back on...however as used to it as he was Jon still hated getting rejected.

"Fifteen times...how do you say 'no' fifteen times!?" Is what Jon was thinking to himself on a quiet New York afternoon at his home. He rubbed his forehead and swiveled in his chair to avoid the rays of sunlight that was still penetrating his work study.

Jon had just received another batch of letters from Spike and among the usual assortment of fan mail were some response letters from ponies that he had written to specifically. One of whom wrote back to decline his request for an appearance...for the fifteenth time.

This pony went by the name of Fluttershy, and like a child being denied a toy Jon wanted her on his show now more than ever before. When he first sent a letter asking her to make an appearance she responded with a simple "no thank you" the very next day. At the time Jon just assumed it was bad timing on his part and waited what he thought was an appropriate amount of time before asking again, only to get the exact same results as before.

This pattern would repeat itself several more times, each response containing the same three words as the last; "no thank you." Jon didn't take it personally (though it was hard to not do so) but at the same time he wondered why she was so amendment about rejecting his offers, especially since she never gave an explanation for her answers.

Usually Jon wouldn't pursue a single guest so persistently but this was by all accounts no ordinary pony. This Fluttershy not only rejected Jon fifteen times and refused to come on by request of Princess Celestia but she was also a member of the Elements of Harmony.

Whoever this pony was she was definitely a high-profile individual whose busy schedule was of such utmost importance that it prevented her from attending. This was Jon's train of thought for her rejecting his proposal yet again and it was also what made Jon want her on his program to begin with it.

Jon's fixation on the letter was soon interrupted by the sound of giggling and scuffling of feet just outside his study. What soon followed was the sudden appearance of his two children, Nathan and Maggie, bursting into his study at almost the same time. Without a word to their father they quickly spit apart and ran to opposite sides of the room with Maggie hiding under the desk that Jon was currently occupying and Nathan hiding in the wardrobe located at the other end of the room.

Jon peaked under his desk at his daughter who was holding on tightly to his left leg, she greeted him by pressing her fingers against her lips, signaling for him to be quiet. Jon looked up to see if his son would do the same but instead caught a glimpse of a blue blur just outside his door. The two children began to giggle to themselves which caused whatever it was that ran past his study to stop and turn around.

Jon heard the sound of hooves trotting in the hallway and before he could call out to whatever was making the noise a blue unicorn poked its head into Jon's study. It was none other than Trixie, Jon's magical assistant and the latest addition to the Stewart family. Before saying anything, or receiving permission to enter, she walked into the room and quickly glanced around.

"...Stewart." She said as she circled the room without making eye contact.

"Trixie." Jon responded as he watched her walk around the room, waiting for her to explain herself. After a few seconds of silence Jon decided to break the ice.

"Can I help you with something?" He finally said. Trixie didn't look at Jon right away, she only made eye contact after her search yielded no results.

"Perhaps you can, student." She said as she flipped her hair. "I am currently playing an oh so riveting game of 'hide-and-go-seek' with your children and I lost track of them. Tell me...have you seen them lately?"

Once again she looked away which gave Jon ample time to look downwards at his daughter who was still holding onto his leg and shaking her head, begging him to not give up her location. Jon leaned forward so she couldn't see what he was about to do next.

"Trixie, I can honestly say I have no idea where they are." He said as he pointed downwards. Seeing this Trixie smiled a rather cocky smile as she made her way around Jon desk. Without asking she pushed Jon asked and awkwardly squeezed herself under Jon's legs to find Maggie who tried to run away again.

Luck was not on her side however as Trixie very quickly used her teeth to grab a hold of Maggie by the back of her collar. She then proceeded to very delicately drag her out from her hiding spot. Maggie was giggling uncontrollably the entire time which meant Trixie had to wait before interrogating her.

"Ok little Missy, where is your brother?" Trixie said in a playful tone. Maggie defiantly shook her head and placed her hands over her mouth, both to convey that she would not squeal and to hold back her still incoming giggles. Trixie waited to see if she would crack but she remained steadfast in her reluctance to rat out her older brother.

Down but not out Trixie looked over at Jon once again giving him a raised eyebrow in the hopes that he would help her out once more. Making sure Maggie couldn't see him Jon motioned his eyes to the corner of the room and used both his hands to make a gesture like he was adjusting an invisible necktie.

Trixie knew exactly what this meant and immediately trotted over to the adjacent wardrobe. She placed an ear on the side of its wooden panels where she could hear the sound of stifled laughter and restless movement, she had found her prey.

With the element of surprise finally on her side Trixie used her magic to tilt Jon's dresser forward causing Nathan to tumble out in a dizzy haze with one of Jon's dress pants covering his face. Before he could make heads or tails as to what happened Trixie gently bonked him on the head.

"And Trixie wins again!" She announced pridefully. "Let this be a lesson for all who dare appose me, for I am the--"

Before she could continue her victory speech Trixie was tackled from behind by Maggie. Though she only meant to just give her a hug their size difference meant it was more of a takedown. Following suit Nathan did the same with Trixie now finding herself crammed in the middle of an all out group hug. She tried to force her way out but their combined strength proved to be too great.

Jon began to laugh as he pulled out his cell phone.

"Hold still!" He said as he snapped a picture. "Now that's...a Kodak moment right there."

"Ok kids fun time's over," she said. "Now release Trixie, please." A much as they didn't want to the children obediently released her, though Maggie took this opportunity to pet her mane a few times. Now free from the children's embrace Trixie took a second to catch her breath and straighten her hat and cape.

Jon loved the antics of his two kids and Trixie. Because of his hectic work schedule he rarely had the opportunity to spend this kind of time with his family so he enjoyed every second of it. His joy however would not last long as a blast of green fire appeared; bringing with it a pile of letters, quickly reminding him that he had work to do.

"Cooooool!" His kids said, not sharing Jon's sense of dread.

The sudden reminder caused him to sigh heavily which got the attention of those in attendance.

"What's wrong daddy?" Nathan asked.

"Yes, what ails you Stewart?" Trixie added.

"Oh it's nothing really." Jon dismissively said. "It's just more work I have to do." Hearing this made Nathan ran up to his dad, jumping up and down in the process.

"Anything I can do to help!?" He said with great enthusiasm.

"Tell ya what, champ." Jon said as he picked up his son and placed him on his lap. "If you really want to help me then here's what you gotta do. Build a time-machine, go back 10 years and warn past me to not take this job. Can you do that for me?"

Still sitting on Jon's lap, Nathan actually gave the question some serious thought.

"I can try." He said earnestly. Jon laughed and placed his son back on the ground.

"I'm fine really," he assured them. "I'm just having trouble with a potential client who--"

Jon stopped as the gears in his head began to turn. He thought that maybe he did need help; he just needed to ask the right person...or rather the right pony.

"Actually now that I think about it..." Jon said with a pause. "Trixie would you mind if I consulted you on some business?"

Trixie took a second to throw her nose in the air in a snooty fashion, unaware that Maggie was imitating her movements from behind

"I don't know...my time is extremely valuable." She said as she admired her hoof. "But I suppose if you really need my genius mind I can spare a few minutes."

"Alright then let's get down to business," Jon said as he turned to his kids. "Ok guys I need you both to go and play for a bit while daddy and Trixie talk." Unlike with Trixie Jon's request was met with great hesitation.

"Awwww but we don't wanna!" Nathan whined.

"Yeah can't we stay and help you too!?" Maggie pleased. Jon was about to set them straight when Trixie intervened.

"Now now children we'll have none of that," she lightly scolded. "Now listen your father and go play elsewhere...we'll continue or play time later." Jon was all but certain that her demands would fall on deaf ears...he was wrong.

"Ok, we will!" Maggie said as she gave Trixie a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The two children quickly ran out the door with Nathan poking his head back in one last time.

"We love you Great and Powerful Trixie!" He said. The sounds of giggling slowly faded as the two ran further down the hallway and into another room. Jon found it hard to believe that the two kids who had just left were actually his.

"What have you done to my kids?" Jon asked facetiously after a moment of silence.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie has merely shown them who is the one in charge around here." Trixie responded with a wave of her hoof. "Now then...you needed my help."

"Yeah...I did." Jon responded with an annoyed look on his face. "There's this pony--"

"Before we go any further," Trixie interrupted. "If you know what's good for you you'll delete that picture you took."

"Oh common it's cute." He responded. "It's like you're a marshmallow in between two crackers."

Trixie was unamused and continued to glare at Jon till he complied.

"Alright alright here." Jon presented his phone after a few swipes on its touch screen. He showed her the picture with a prompt asking if he was sure he wanted to delete. "You do the honors."

Trixie pressed her hoof against the screen and permanently deleted the picture.

"Very good, student." She said. "Now then...about this pony."

"Well it's like this, for awhile now I've trying to get this pony to come on my show." He said "But so far I've been met with some...reluctance."

"So she doesn't want to appear?" She ventured, getting a nod in return.

"See for yourself." Jon retorted, as he handed her the latest rejection letter. Trixie skimmed it over before giving it back.

"Has she said why?" She asked.

"Not at all." Jon answered. "This is the fifteenth time she's said 'no.' I've tried to get in contact with her via phone but Celestia says she refuses to talk to me."

"Maybe she just doesn't like your show." Trixie said. "I mean I can certainly understand if that were the case. You're program...could be better."

"Yes well there's a little thing called courtesy," Jon said as he paced back and forth. "I mean I don't like Fox but whenever they invite me over to do a show with O'Reilly or Chris Wallace I gladly do so...or at the very least explain to them why I can't make it."

His comparison would have made more sense to Trixie were she not distracted by how he phrased it. Her mouth opened but she said nothing, she was picking her next words carefully.

"I'm sorry Stewart but...but what was that?" She asked. "A fox once invited you onto its show?"

"Oh uuuh...not it’s just--" Jon struggled to explain to the perplexed Unicorn. "Uh you know what just forget it, it's not important...so uh, what if anything can you tell me about this Fluttershy."

"Not much I'm afraid...all I know is she's one of the Elements of Harmony and the friend of...ugh, Twilight Sparkle," she said with a grimace. "Although she's never had the pleasure of meeting me I've heard rumors that she's a bit of a pushover...So no I don't know much about her. And just as well I suppose, the Great and Powerful Trixie has no need to consort with such pusillanimous ponies."

"Delightful as always I see." Jon said, taking off his reading glasses for a moment to rub his eyes. Trixie arched her head at Jon to show her expression which conveyed that she wasn't amused by his back talking. Suddenly a look of realization appeared on her face and she looked to the left of her, where the kid's bedrooms were, then back to Jon.

"You know Stewart for what it's worth there have been some well documented cases of skilled Unicorns using their magic to time travel." Trixie said in uncharacteristically serious tone.

This sudden news made Jon look up at Trixie so fast it caused his head to slightly throb in pain. He knew Unicorns were a powerful species but he had no idea their abilities could extend to that of time manipulation.

"You...can time travel?" Jon asked.

"Well I've never tried it before personally but I assure you that there is not a single spell that I the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot master!" She said rather loudly.

Jon stared at her waiting for her to continue. With a statement as bold as hers was he was certain that whatever she would say next would start off with the phrase "But."

"...But at the moment Trixie is ill prepared to handle such a feat," she said in a much softer tone. "I still haven't regained all my magical energy since I arrived in your world...also I wouldn't know how to prepare for that kind of spell. The next time you're in Equestria and you happen upon a book of incantations I can probably give it a try."

Jon stopped what he was doing to look at her dead in the eye; he wanted to make it clear to her how he felt about her offer.

"Trixie...as generous as your offer is let me assure you that I'm perfectly happy with how my life is right now." Jon said trying his best to sound sincere. "Before I was just joking to liven up the mood...yes some days are harder than others but the truth is I wouldn't trade the Daily Show for anything in the world....but still, thanks anyway."

He returned to his work while Trixie, losing interest now that her services were no longer needed, turned around to leave the room. Jon was now going through his newly delivered pile of letters when something caught his eye immediately, it was a name he had recognized all too well.

"Huh, what do we have here?" Jon asked out loud, causing Trixie to look back at him from over her shoulder.

"What is it?" She asked. Jon brought the letter closer to his face, adjusting his reading glasses to get a better look.

"It's...it's another letter from Fluttershy. This is the first letter I've gotten from her that wasn't just a response to one of mine." Jon answered perplexedly. "OH! Maybe she reconsidered! Or at least is ready to talk business!"

In a very quick and dirty fashion Jon hastily tore open the letter like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. Trixie, interested in what the letter would say, trotted up to Jon's desk to join him. He held the letter at half an arm’s length and began to read. Slowly his vibrant expression began to sink and transition to one of disbelief.

"You alright, Stewart?" Trixie ask as she slowly nudged him with her hoof.

"You...have...got...to be kidding me!" Jon exclaimed as he stood up and threw his arms to the side causing the letter to float gingerly to the ground. Trixie was shocked by his sudden outburst; he looked as if he had seen a ghost or witnessed something he couldn't comprehend.

She looked down at the letter which lay perfectly at her hooves. Using her magic to levitated it closer to her face and began to read it's very neat hoof writing.

Dear Mr. Stewart:

My answer is still 'no thank you.' And if you ask me again, I'm sorry to say, it will still be 'no thank you.'

So if you want don't ask me tomorrow and you can save some paper.

But if you really want to ask me again you can but I will still say no...sorry!

-Fluttershy

"A future rejection letter!" Jon said with a frustrated laugh. "She actually sent me a future...rejection letter...ok that does it, it’s time!"

"Time for what?" Trixie asked.

"Time for some drastic measures!" Jon answered as he rounded his desk. "I think a little one-on-one is in order here...I'm going back to Equestria!"

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Trixie proves herself

In the short time that she's known him Trixie would never have categorized Jon as the serious type. For the most part she thought of him as just an eccentric human who just last night tried to get his daughter to squirt milk out her nose by using bread sticks as tusks while making walrus noises. However today was different, her perception of him had changed. After receiving news that he wouldn't get his desired guest he made plans to set off back to Equestria to ask her in person...Trixie had never seen a more determined looking Jon Stewart.

Trixie watched as Jon went back and forth collecting various trinkets he would need for his soon-to-come trip to Equestria like his wallet, cell phone, and good shoes. After gathering all his belongings Jon whipped out his phone and began to dial.

"Who are you calling?" Trixie asked in a demanding tone.

"Celestia. She knows Fluttershy is refusing to come on but I'm sure she'll let me talk to her in person." Jon answered as he typed number after number. "You uh...you may want to leave the room for this, we wouldn't want her to find out you're hear somehow."

Jon was about to press the dial button when the sight of a Trixie's pointy hat approaching him caught his attention.

"Pony feathers!" Trixie yelled as she slapped Jon's phone out of his hand. For an animal that was half Jon's size she could hit surprisingly hard.

"OW! What was that for?!" He asked as he rubbed hand.

"When you begged me to stay here I only agreed so i could be your magic professor!" Trixie barked. "So if anypony is going to send you to Equestria it's going to be me!"

Jon bent over to pick up his phone only to stop mid way to give Trixie a confused look.

"You?" He said, standing back up. "You're going to send me there?"

"Why of course!" Trixie said in a smug tone. "You don't need that stuffy old princess to help you when all you really need is somepony who is just as fluent in magic as her...somepony like me! THE GREAT AND--"

"Wait I thought you said you didn't have enough power to get back home." Jon interrupted. "I mean you yourself said the only way you could get back would be if another pony did it for you."

Trixie will still in mid pose when she got interrupted so she slowly lowered her head to look at Jon with narrowed eyes. She really didn't like being interrupted. Jon, in lieu of time, didn't want to start a staring contest that he would ultimately lose. He said his apologies and motioned for her to continue.

"...Somepony like me! THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" She finished. Jon didn't comment right away on the off chance she wasn't finished.

"Are you done yet?...good." He continued. "But my point remains, how are you going to send me to Equestria when you're not at full power."

"For your information Stewart sending somepony to Equestria from this world is much less difficult then sending somepony to this world from Equestria." She explained. "The reason it to me three days, all my resources, and most of my power to teleport here is because I had never been to the human world before, so traversing here I was going in blind...but since I know Equestria very well sending you there will have much less stress on my body."

Even for someone like Jon, who was still relatively new to the concept of magic, her explanation made a lot of sense. However the logic behind her reasoning caused Jon to recall why she was stuck here in the first place.

"Wait so are you telling me you could have gone home anytime you wanted!" Jon asked as he pointed his arm in a random location hoping that Equestria was in that general direction.

"Again you don't understand," Trixie retorted with a deep sigh. "The reason why I can't go back is because even thought I know the layout of my world very well I still don't have the energy to pull off the spell...you see teleporting somepony else is easy but teleporting yourself is much harder."

Jon vaguely remembered Twilight saying the same thing the last time she was on his show. Though for the sake of clarity he still wanted an explanation.

"Well...how does that work out anyway?" Jon asked. Trixie rolled her eyes and proceeded to walk around his desk, looking rather annoyed in the process.

"I'll try to explain," she said. "But it might be hard for somepony like you to understand."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jon shot back.

"It means since you don't use magic you might not understand the finer points." She answered. Even Jon had to admit that what she said made perfect sense.

"Oh I...I guess you have a point." He said as he rubbed the back of his head. "Well could you give it the ol' college try?" Not one to turn down a challenge Trixie obliged by using her magic to levitate a signed baseball off Jon's desk.

"Alright...let's pretend that this is you," she explained. "Now watch."

With a flick of her neck she tossed the ball across the room over to the nearby couch.

"As you can see tossing the ball across the room is very effortless," she continued. Getting up from her spot she walked across the room to retrieve the baseball and placed it back on Jon's desk. "However having to physically bring myself across the room demands a little more energy and concentration...it might not seem like much but multiply that example by a factor of traveling through worlds and you'll probably get the idea."

Jon tried his best to understand the Unicorn's lecture but his mind was preoccupied by the thought of being thrown in between worlds like a baseball...it was a mental image he wished he could forget.

"Looook Trixie...I appreciate the offer but I think I'll just have Celestia do it," Jon said very delicately. "I mean...you're great but I think it would be in everyone's best interest if--"

"Jon...please." Trixie said with gloomy eyes. "I know you don't think too highly of me but...I want to prove I can do this...I know I don't have that much magic in me at the moment but if you give me a chance I know I can do it! So please...give me a chance."

Avoiding eye contact proved to be too difficult and soon he felt as if he was at the dinner table. Only instead of a canine begging for food scraps it was a Unicorn wanting to use her magic to transport him through different planes of existences. His initial response would have been a firm 'no' but doing so was a lot harder than he thought. So hard in fact that he buckled under and gave way to her begging.

"Oh alright." He said, looking away to scratch his head. "I'll let you perform the spell...but if we're going to do this I'm going to need a change of clothes." And with that a happy looking Trixie quickly began to move some furniture around to get some room for her to prepare.

Walking across the room Jon soon found himself at the very wardrobe that his son had previously used to hide. He opened it on both sides to reveal a wall of spare suites, pants, and ties that he had in case of any last minute usage. He was about to take this shirt off when he looked over at Trixie who was still busy.

"Uh...do you mind?" Jon asked while using his head to motion towards the door. Trixie stopped for a brief moment to look at Jon.

"Not at all," she answered indifferently. "Go right ahead." Missing the point entirely she continued to move the furnishing. Jon felt uncomfortable with changing in front of her but when it was apparent that she showed no interest in looking he began to remove articles of clothing as he changed into a more professional attire.

"A thought occurs," he said as he pulled up his dress slacks and tucked in his shirt. "If you've never met Fluttershy before how are you doing to send me to her?"

It was fair a question that Trixie hadn't considered, but not being the type to easily give up Trixie submitted a simple solution.

"It's quite simple really," she answered. "First tell me what kind of pony she is...species wise I mean."

Looking at Trixie through the mirror on the inside of the door Jon tried to recall by memory alone but could not. To fix this he walked over to his desk to look at his notes, multitasking at the same time by putting the finishing touches on his necktie.

"Says here that she’s...a...Pegasus." Jon answered. "Huh, I guess she can fly."

"If that's the case then she most likely lives in Cloudsdale." Trixie said.

"Cloudsdale huh?" He retorted as he slipped on his sports jacket. "That's the place that filled with Pegasi huh?"

"Correct. If this Fluttershy is anywhere she's bound to be there." Trixie said to a now fully dressed Jon.

"So...what kind of place is this Cloudsdale anyway?" He asked as he looked for his good cufflinks.

"Hmm I can't really say for certain," Trixie answered. "I've never been I only know where it is...to be honest I don't know much about it at all other than its location and that fact that it's a city in the clouds."

"...A city in the clouds?" Jon repeated as he held on to his sleeve. "Ooooh please tell me their leader is someone called 'Lando Calrissian.'"

Trixie glanced over to give him a curious look. She didn't get the reference.

"Uuuh nevermind," he said as he continued to look around. "So...this place sounds rather nice. I bet the apartments have one hell of a skyline view...how come you've never been?"

"Never had the chance...didn't even know it existed till it was too late,” she said. "I hail from a town far to the east, close to the coastal line so I'm not too familiar with the whole 'Ponyville, Cloudsdale, and Canterlot district."

"I see," Jon said now in autopilot. "How interesting." Trixie noticed this and rolled her eyes.

"Stewart!" She yelled, getting his full attention as she pointed to Jon's desk. "Left side...second drawer."

Jon stood still for a second while Trixie continued to point at his desk. Slowly he walked over and checked that drawer that she had mentioned. Among other things like his checkbook and a loose collection of pens were a pair of shiny cuff links.

"Ah!...uh thanks." He said.

"Alright...are you ready Stewart? She asked.

"As I'll ever be...so how exactly does this work anyway?" He asked. Trixie responded first by making her horn glow with light.

"Basically a teleporation spell is very easy to cast but since we're going to be doing this through different worlds I'll need to stabilize a lot more energy than what is normally needed." She answered. "At this much power I could teleport you across the room...maybe even to the other side of the house. What we need is enough to send you to Equestria. So it's all about getting enough magic in my horn without it blowing up in my face."

"And do you think you can do that...just handle that much magic at once?" Jon asked.

"Oh please," she responded. "The Great and Powerful Trixie can do anything!...behold!"

Her horn began to pulsate faster and faster as more magic began to build up at it's tip. Jon, going by experience, quickly covered his eyes before the eventual burst of magic could blind him. Not long after doing so however he heard a sound that resembled a device powering down. When he opened his eyes he saw Trixie rubbing her own horn with a look of discomfort on her face.

"...What happened?" He asked with one eye open.

"N-nothing!" She quickly responded. "The magic just discharged a bit...don't worry though that was just a practice run...here I go for real now!"

Once again a large amount of magic began to build up and once again Jon closed his eyes. However what followed was the same pattern as before, the building up of magic that she could not control. She'd never admit it to Jon or herself but Trixie couldn't handle that much magic at once.

"Uh...you ok?" He asked. "I mean I'll understand if--"

"Stewart please!" Trixie shot back. "I'm just...I'm just not used to this kind of pressure...Trixie demands that you give me some room!" Jon took a step back and waited but once again the results were the same.

A good 15 minutes passed and Trixie was still going through the same three steps over and over again. Build up magic, try to stabilize magic, have magic blow up in face. Wash, rinse, and repeat. To her credit she never gave up but the same could not be same for Jon who was now sitting in front of her with a copy of the day's newspaper in his hands...he was passing the time by trying to do the crossword.

Again Trixie tried to harness the vast amount of magic and like before it didn't work. This time she didn't try it again right away but instead took some time to catch her breath.

"Hey while I got you here can you help with this," he said. "Seven letter word going down. 'Mystical creature of many animals'...any ideas?"

"SILENCE STEWART! I...I almost...had it" She said in between breaths. "Your professor...needs...absolute quiet!"

"Sorry Obi Wan." Jon said as he got up to stretch his legs. "Please continue."

Now having given up on his crossword Jon moved on to the Horoscope section to pass the time. He looked under Sagittarius which read; "An unwanted guest means to do you harm. Seek help from a close friend to undo the damage."

Jon was about to suggest that they skip this idea and just call Celestia but he felt obligated to at least let her try a few more times. Although he didn't show it through his droll expression he actually wanted her to succeed. Proving that she was as magically competent as anyone else was a big deal for her and Jon knew the feeling.

Once again Trixie tried to conjure forth the right amount of magic but this time she could barely make it past step two. Her frustration was very visible and in anger she slammed her hoof against the floor.

"I can do this!" She said. "I...can do this!" She slowly began to charge her horn at a much slower pace than before. He wanted to spout some encouragement at her but he knew all to well that her pride would not allow her to accept it. Her type only responded to one thing and Jon knew exactly what to do.

"You know Trixie I probably could have walked to Cloudsdale by now." He said in an arrogant tone.

"S-shut up!" She said. "I'm going to do this, dammit!"

"Yeah yeah sure you will," he continued, now in full heckle mode. "I mean hell you couldn't even finish your first semester at Magic College but I'm suuuure you'll get this right."

"I'm...not listening." She said as the magic in her horn grew larger and larger.

"You know for the record Twilight performed the same spell on me rather quickly when I went to go visit her." Jon said instantly grabbing her attention by the mere utterance of Twilight's name. "And she manage to get it right...on her first try."

With eyes filled with rage Trixie let forth a scream of determination bringing with it a bright light. When Jon opened his eyes she saw Trixie in the middle of room, huffing in rhythm to the sound the massive amounts of stabilized magic emanating from her horn.

"HA! Trixie told you she could do it!" She announced proudly. "Now prepare yourself Stewart, the time has come!"

"Well alright! Let's get this show on the road!" He said with excitement as he lined himself in front of her.

"Alright...just relax while I focus on sending to you Cloudsdale." Trixie said as she closed her eyes.

While he waited he reflected on how Trixie manage to do what few ponies could ever do, sustaining the amount of magic needed to travel through worlds. He could feel a twang of pride inside not unlike how he felt when one of his children does well in school. He wanted to congratulate her properly but decided against it on the off chance it would break her concentration.

"Get ready Stewart..." Trixie warned. Jon obliged and closed it eyes. But as he did a thought crosses his mind, it was something that he didn't think about till just then.

"Hey wait a minute," he said as he opened his eyes. "If you're sending me there...then who's going to bring me ba--"

Before Jon could finish his sentence the magic in her horn activated completely in a large burst of light, leaving only Trixie behind in the Study. Dropping to her knees Trixie focused on her breathing which was spastic and uneven, unaware that Jon was in even worse shape.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Jon's free falling adventure

The only direct interaction Jon ever had with magic was his dealings with Celestia and for a brief moment in time with Twilight Sparkle, both of whom were tasked with transporting him to and from Equestria. In both cases they teleported Jon instantaneously due to their respective understanding of Magic, but with Trixie it was different.

Her magic wasn't as refined as theirs and as a result it took a few seconds for Jon to reappear in the world of talking ponies. The time between his departure from New York and his eventual arrival in Cloudsdale was spent in an almost purgatory-esque state of existence. But due to the carelessness of Jon he could not see anything as he had foolishly opened his eyes at the moment of the spells activation, momentarily blinding him. His sight slowly began to return in conjuncture with his return to Equestria.

"Trixie!? A-are you still there?" Jon called out as he stumbled backwards in the empty void. "Did it work? Hey! Can anyone hear me? I'm I in CloudsdaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Before Jon could fully regain his sight he felt a sudden explosion of different sensations. He felt as if he was falling down, like someone had pulled the ground from beneath his feet. Any attempt to find his center of gravity was met with much difficulty. In addition he suddenly felt cold but at the same time he can feel the suns warm rays beating down on him.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Jon yelled out in a panic. "WHERE AM I!?" The sound of wind rushing by him was so great he could barely hear himself let alone the voice of anyone who could answer him. He called out again but no one responded to his cries for assistance, he was completely alone.

Soon Jon's vision came back in full. He took this time to look up, or what he believed to be up. He was surrounded by a thick layer of fog too dense for him to see past and judging by how bright it was it was morning in Equestria. Before Jon could call for help again he successfully passed through the seemingly endless wave of fog and was now greeted by endless blue skies. Still looking in an upwards direction Jon could now see that what he thought was thick fog was in fact clouds, each one bearing evidence that he had penetrated it in the form of a hole.

A disturbing thought crossed his mind and with much hesitation he began to shift his weight so he could see below him, and what he saw terrified him to the point where he lost the feeling in every muscle. He could see open land spread out of miles, along with the occasional town and even the Canterlot Castle further in the distance. Jon's mind raced with dozens of possible explanations as to what went wrong or what was happening all leading to one solitary point. He was now free falling down to earth and would soon die.

"H..h-help...h...help" Jon said, his voice steadily rising. "Help me! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP!!!" As if they had a mind of their own his arms began to flail wildly in an attempt to grab a hold of something, He looked in all directions for signs of life but none could be found, though even if there was it would be difficult for him to see them with the constant gust of wind in his eyes.

The barely audible screams of help continued to go unnoticed and his sore throat forced him to stop for the time being. He covered his ears, which were popping uncontrollably, to drown out the sound of wind so he could think. No good ideas came to mind, as evident by his continued attempt to call out for help.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" He screamed again. "PLEASE HELP...I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

Although he tried his hardest not to he eventually looked back down at the world laid out before him like an open book. It was hard to tell at first but the landmarks that at first seemed so far away were now bigger, which meant that he was getting closer and closer to the unforgiving ground.

In a last ditch effort Jon began to cry to the one who brought him here in the first place.

"Trixie! Trixie if you can hear me get me out of here!" He shouted. But like before no one answered, though that didn't stop him from trying again. "Trixie I swear to god if you don't get me out of here right now I'll sell your blue ass to a glue factory then I'll turn you over to Celestia and she'll--"

Jon stopped himself mid rant. He had unintentionally given himself an idea, an idea that he wouldn't normally consider but in this case he made an exception... he was very desperate.

Reaching into his sports jacket he pulled out his cell phone, his plan was to call Celestia and have her use her magic to save him. The wind in his face made it very difficult for him to see where or what he was typing. Luckily he still had her number dialed from when he tried calling her in his study, prior to Trixie's interference.

However his luck ended when he tried to press dial. After hitting a little bit of turbulence the phone slipped from his grasp, the constant stream of upwards wind was too strong for Jon to handle. Time seemed to slow down for Jon, he watched in horror as his phone began to hover overhead and eventually out of reach.

"NO!" Jon yelled as he tried and failed to grab his phone which was now miles above him. Out of morbid curiosity he looked back down and noticed that the ground seemed a lot closer than before; the longer he fell the faster his velocity became...his eventual contact with solid ground was getting closer.

Jon's tried to keep his eyes open but it was difficult since he slowly starting to lose control of his senses. His body, as if trying to lessen the inevitable pain, began to shut down and slip into an unconscious state. With the last bit of energy he had left he tried one more time to call for help; his voice weak and his body almost numb.

"Help....me." He said as his eyes closed. "Help....please."

But just as he was about to slip away something incredible happened. All at once, and without warning, Jon's deadly decent came to a sudden halt, forcing him to awake once again. The resulting velocity of going from 250 miles an hour to a complete stop caused a great deal of pressure to go to his lower stomach; he was now awake but he had to do everything in his power to prevent himself from regurgitating whatever food he had left in his system.

He was aware of his surroundings but his senses were still dull. Despite his vision not fully returning he could see a vast and beautiful scenery which, much to Jon's relief, was standing still. His ears were ringing from the pain of falling from such a high altitude as they had popped several times. He closed his eyes and grabbed his heart which was beating so rapidly he could hear it. Never before was he so grateful that his wife had put him on a strict egg whites only diet.

His main priority at the moment was trying to focus on his breathing which was difficult since he was hyperventilating.

Jon was still unsure as to why he had stopped falling; did Trixie save him after all? Did he land on something soft? Or maybe Celestia did hear his cries for help. In truth he didn't care, he was just happy that he was saved.

His ears were starting to regain their function, the first thing he could hear was the faint sound of someone talking, though it was hard to make out. Slowly the muffled sounds got louder and clearer to the point where Jon could now understand it.

"...eeeeey! I said are you alright?" The voice asked. "Hey common wake up, big guy." Along the with strangers voice Jon could also hear another faint noise. It was the sound of wings flapping...had Jon been rescued by a guardian angel?

With all of his senses now returning (though not all at once) Jon could feel something holding him up on either side of him. He looked to his left and right and saw a pair of hooves, each one firmly under an armpit. Slowly Jon looked upwards and was now staring straight into the eyes of his rescuer.

"You ok, dude?" The tomboyish voice said. "I swear you tourists are getting crazier every year!"

The person looking back at Jon was a pony...a Pegasus to be exact. She was cyan colored and her eyes were purple. She seemed very strong since she was able to hold Jon up with her hooves and keep them both afloat with her wings with very little effort.

For the first time ever Jon actually recognized a citizen of Equestria without having them introduce themselves. This was done through simple inference since the biggest and most visual feature about her was her mane which, along with being somewhat messy, was a multitude of technicolor.

"Rain...Rainbow Dash?" Jon asked sheepishly.

"Yep!" She responded with a smile. "That's me!"

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Rainbow Dash won't take no for an answer

Even though he was still delirious from his near death experience there was no doubt in Jon's mind that the pony who had just rescued him was Rainbow Dash. He had never met her before but her mane was a dead giveaway. At this point though it didn't matter who rescued him, all that mattered was that thanks to her he would live to see another day.

"You gonna be ok Mr.?" She asked, her rainbow mane brushing against Jon's face.

"Oh god, thank you!" Jon blurted out as he relaxed his body. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Heh heh no problem," She responded proudly. Soon after her large eyes widened as a result of her making a sudden realization.

"Heeeeey I know you!" She said, flapping her wings harder with excitement. "You're the guy form the TV...Jon Stewart! Oh wow, I love your show!"

In his weakened state Jon was unable to hold is head up any longer, he slumped down in a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Rainbow Dash on the other hand was bursting with energy and was still trying to talk to him.

"What were you doing in Cloudsdale?" She asked while still being able to hold up his dead weight body. "How did you even get all the way up there?"

"Look....Rainbow Dash." Jon said in a low lifeless sounding voice. "I don't mean to be...rude here but could you please save any and all questions till I'm back on solid ground?"

"Oh right, sorry." She said with a slight laugh. "Don't worry Johnny I'll get ya back down!" Flapping her wings even harder she gained a little bit of altitude and took a deep breath like she was about to do a power-dive.

"SLOWLY PLEASE!" Jon yelled, once again grabbing his heart. "Please I just...please just set me down...nice and slowly...please...I don't want to fall."

She obliged and began to descend at a slow enough pace that there was very little to no turbulence. Jon now felt more relaxed about his present situation and as a result his breathing regulated itself to longer deep breaths. His sense of relief was then broken by the sound of his savior trying to talk to him again.

"Soooo why were you in Cloudsdale?" She repeated, convinced that she had waited long enough to start asking questions again. Jon took a very deep and lengthy sigh to convey his feelings but Rainbow Dash was still awaiting an answer. With all that had happened Jon momentary forgot why he was even there in the first place but it all came back to him.

"I...I was...I'm here on business." Jon responded thinking his answer would be enough for her and that she would drop the subject...she didn't

"What kind of business?" She responded by whispering in Jon's ear. "Come oooon you can tell me!"

"Look here Ms. Dash you seem like a nice kid," Jon said. "So...I'm just going to be honest with you. I don't--"

"OH OH wait were you here looking for somepony to be on your show!?" She interrupted excitedly, rocking back and forth in the process.

"Hey, hey, hey! Watch it will ya!?" Jon said as he lightly flailed his legs.

"Well!?" She asked, her downward flight coming to a stop. "Were ya?"

"Yes, yes, you're right! I was scouting for talent!" Jon said feeling slightly nervous. "I was looking for a my next guest. Now can you please just keep going down!?"

Once again they made their decent only this time she was swaying back and forth out of joy which only made Jon feel ill.

"ALRIGHT! I knew you'd get my letters!" She said triumphantly. "I can't freaking wait! When do you need me by?"

"W-what are you talking about?" He asked as he was being rocked back and forth like a rag doll.

"My letters to you, duh!" She said. "I've sent you like twenty of them asking if I can be on your show and now you've finally come to get me! This is so awesome!"

When he thought about it Jon could vaguely recall getting a few letters from her requesting that she be on his show. If he recalled correctly they were the ones with really bad penmanship. Since she was also a member of the Elements of Harmony Jon wanted to cash in on her willingness to appear at a later time, preferably on a rainy day or special occasion. This not being one of them.

"Oh yeah right...look about that," Jon said trying his best to sound respectful. "I appreciate your offer but the thing is--"

"Although you really should have called me first or sent me a letter back," Rainbow Dash interrupted. "I don't know how you got up there but it's dangerous for an outsider to go to Cloudsdale...only a Pegasus can walk on clouds ya know."

"Ok, but look I've alre-- wait...wait what did you say?" He said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I saaaaaid only us Pegasi can walk on clouds," she repeated. "Anypony else who tries ends up...well like you."

For the good of his health Jon tried to not get angry but instead took deep breaths to calm himself. He focused not on ways he would pound Trixie into gravy but on how he would now have to shatter the dreams of his winged friend.

"Ok...look kid...I appreciate your enthusiasm but I didn't come to Cloudsdale looking for you." He said much to the shock of Rainbow Dash. "I came here looking for a pony named 'Fluttershy.'" Again the two stopped their decent which annoyed Jon to no end.

"WHAT! FLUTTERSHY!?" She exclaimed incredulously. "Why would you want to interview her!? I would make a waaay better guest than that scaredy pony! I mean with me ya get the whole package! I'm strong, fast, have loads of charisma, good looks, and not to mention I know how to--"

"Rainbow Dash at this rate I won't even make it back in time to start the show!" Jon interrupted. "So please...could you just focus on getting me onto the ground!"

"Ugh...alright fine." She said with a sour face.

Her body drooped in disappointment as she began to fly downwards at a much slower pace than before. Sulking the entire way down.

"Oh and by the way if you came all the way up here looking for her then you're out of luck," she said, her tone slightly uncaring. "I don't know where you got the idea but Fluttershy hasn't lived at Cloudsdale in years...she lives in a cottage on the outskirts of Ponyville."

Upon hearing this new detail Jon's hands began to shake in anger and his eyes darted back and forth wildly like he was trying to look for something.

"Wait...are you telling me that not only am I unable to walk around your city...I was also in the entire wrong district?" Jon asked in a passive aggressive tone.

"That's right, big guy." Rainbow Dash answered in a slightly amused tone.

"Oooooh I am going to kill Trixie." Jon said under his breath so Rainbow Dash couldn't hear him.

"But hey that's alright cause now I'm here to save your ass again!" She continued as she puffed out her chest. "Who needs that ol' wimpy Fluttershy when you've got me!...Have me on your show and I guarantee it'll be the most watched episode ever!"

Jon had to admit that her persistence was, at least to some degree, admirable. If this were any other circumstances he might've considered her offer but at the moment all he wanted was to have the ground firmly beneath his feet.

"Ok...I'm going to make this very clear for ya Dashie," he said sounding annoyed and bitter. "Right now I don't care...I don't care about the show, or who goes on it, or...whatever. Right now all I want...Is. To. Be. On. The. Ground...and I'm sorry but as far as my show is concerned I'm probably just going to go find Fluttershy anyway...I'm not leaving here empty handed. So thanks...but no thanks."

The two exchanged no words after that with Rainbow Dash focusing on flying downward which pleased Jon since he could tell that they were getting closer and closer to solid ground. Because of his angle he couldn't tell but Rainbow Dash looked very mournful, almost heartbroken by the news that she wouldn't get to be on his show. However her mood quickly changed and she soon found herself scheming something.

At this point Jon was probably a good 15 feet away from land and he couldn't be more happy, though they were still pretty high up. But just he was starting to feel slightly better he could feel himself slipping slightly from Rainbow Dash's grip. At first he thought it was all in his head, till he realized that he was slowly sliding forward.

"W-w-w-what's going on!?" He demanded. "Why are you letting go!?"

"I'm not letting go! It's just that...you're soooo daaarn heavy." She shot back trying her best to sound like she was straining. "I...I don't think I can hold you up for very much longer." Again she loosened her grip and Jon slid forward even more.

"Jesus Christ, stop that!" He barked. "I thought you said you were strong!?"

"I am but it seems I'm just not strong enough this time." She said as Jon began to flail his arms and legs; because of his position he couldn't grab a hold of her. "Too bad your precious Fluttershy isn't here...I bet she could hold you up."

"Your're crazy!" Jon yelled as he foolishly began to fidget in place which only caused her to lose more grip. "Come on this isn't funny!"

Rainbow Dash was trying to hide a smirk from appearing on her face all the while making it seem like Jon was too heavy. In actuality she had no intention of dropping him; she just wanted to see if her plan would work. She was in full control the entire time.

"I'm sorry Johnny but...I don't think...I can hold onto you...much longer," she said very convincingly. "If only I had some kind of...incentive for holding onto then maaaaybe I could find the strength to not drop ya." To emphasis her claim she lowered Jon a little bit more. He was now hanging off her hooves by an inch.

Instinctively Jon's next thought was to scold the young pony and call her out on her bluff till she agreed to do what he said but he never got the chance. In his struggle to hold on he glanced downward at how high up he was and decided it wasn't worth risking.

"OK, OK, I GIVE UP YOU CAN BE ON THE SHOW!" Jon yelled and he tried to lean back to her.

"Really!" She said, pulling Jon closer to hear him better.

"YES FINE, YOU CAN BE MY NEXT GUEST!" He said nervously. "YOU CAN HAVE THE SLOT, YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT JUST PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DROP ME!"

"AAAAAAAAALRIGHT!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed with immense excitement as she did a somersault in the air and pumped both her hooves in victory. In her celebration however she had unconsciously made the mistake of letting go of Jon anyway, her better judgment temporarily blinded by her own hubris.

"RAINBOW DAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaash!" Jon said as he plummeted to the ground.

"Oops." She said, the consequences of her actions now starting to sink in. "Ah...h-h-hold on Johnny! I'm coming!"

With a quick stretch of her wings she was once again dive bombing to the rescue of Jon. But this time she wasn't fast enough since he already had a head start.

"GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB ME, GRAB MEEEEEEE," he shouted with fear in his eyes. "GRAAAAB MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Jon flailed his arms and legs so wildly that he pulled a couple of muscles in the process. Rainbow Dash was starting to close the gap between herself and Jon but she was too late. Jon closed his eyes so as to not see his own death.

His eyes would not stay shut forever though; they sprung back open the second he colliding stomach first in a tree. In truth Jon was very lucky that he landed where he did for if he was a few feet off he would have hit solid ground and most likely have died. His weight coupled with how fast he was falling meant he easily broke thought the first couple of branches of the tree, each one slowing him down considerably.

Finally he stopped on the last branch, landing again stomach first which knocked the wind out of him. After trying to draw breath he quickly checked to see if anything was broken or if he was bleeding, but aside from a few bruises and scrapes he was fine. Jon slowly tried to slide down from the branch but at the last second his weight gave way and the branch broke like the rest. Sending him straight down and face first into a large patch of mud which softening his fall.

Slowly he flipped himself over so he could breath, he didn't get up right away but instead just laid down on his back staring upwards wondering to himself how a relatively dull day ended up like this. The sound of wings flapping caught his attention and soon Rainbow Dash found him. He was safe, albeit very filthy.

She tried her best to not laugh at Jon's situation though it was entirely obvious that she found it comical.

"Here uh...let me help." She said. Hovering over Jon she grabbed him by the hand and slowly pulled him up. He was completely covered in mud to the point where, had she not seen him land there, Rainbow Dash wouldn't recognize him. He tried to take a step forward but just ended up falling back down. This proved too much for the young Pegasus to handle, the echoes of her laughter could be heard all over the rural area.

She was laughing so hard she almost fell in the mud herself but soon she stopped once she saw Jon now sitting up and looking very unamused. He stared at her with eyes that looked like they were in pain which made her feel very guilty for what she did.

"I'm...I'm sorry I dropped you," She said, scared that this might mean she couldn't be on his show. "I uh...I guess this makes us even huh?

"Ooooh were not even." Jon said in a monotone voice. "Not by a long shot."

"We-we're not?" She asked.

"Nope." He answered. Before she could inquire as to what he meant Jon sprung forward and grabbed Rainbow Dash by her tail. Before she could ask what he was doing he very quickly pulled her down into the mud with him. When she tried to get back up Jon placed his hand on top of her head and, using all his strength, shoved her face first into the mud. She tried to use her wings to escape but Jon's leverage preventing her from doing so.

After an appropriate amount of time had passed Jon took his hand off her head and she emerged from the mud gasping for breath. She too was now covered in it.

"Ok...were even!" Jon said with a content laugh as he stood up. "Now you can be on my show."

"Wait seriously! I can still go one!?" She said, receiving a nod as an answer. "Ah Yeah! GO RAINBOW, GO RAINBOW, GO RAINBOW!"

She wasn't the only one who was happy. Dunking her face under the mud proved to be very therapeutic for Jon as most of his anger had now washed away along with any sense of ill will towards her. However there was still one problem left to overcome...Jon still needed a way back and his phone was still missing in action. Without a lifeline Jon had one option left but he needed Rainbow Dash's help first.

Very delicately he walked across the the muddy area and onto a dirt road that led into two different directions.

"Hey Dashie?" He called out. "If you really want to be on my good side I need a favor" She stopped dancing in the mud long enough to respond.

"Sure!" She said. "What's up?"

"I need to get to Twilight Sparkle and I need to do it without anyone seeing me." He said as he looked around the deserted area. "Think you can handle that?"

"No problem!" She said confidently as she shook the mud off her person. "Just leave it to me."

She flew towards a trail and motioned for Jon to follow. He took a few steps forward each one providing an unattractive squishing sound. He looked at the amount of mud that engulfed him and let out a depressed sigh. Another good suit of his, ruined.

Noticing this Rainbow Dash offered to help.

"Ah don't worry Johnny I got ya covered!" She said. Jon was in the middle of taking off his jacket when she quickly flew towards him, flying around him with such speed that the mud began to fly off him and land in random locations. Her cleansing whirlwind however proved to be too effective and the resulting force was actually strong enough to momentarily make Jon hover off his feet. When she was done Jon feel to the ground on this back with a loud thud.

"Oops." She said biting her lip nervously. "Sorry...again."

"Just take me to Twilight." Jon responded.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Twilight can keep a secret

The world of ponies known as Equestria was a much different place than the world of man, one such difference was their solar cycles which were synched differently. Jon reflected on this as he and Rainbow dash walked (Or rather he walked, she flew) down the empty streets of Ponyville.

Back in New York it was in the late afternoon with the sun almost out of sight, but here in Ponyville the day had barely started. This wasn't the first time Jon experienced this phenomenon. He recalled on how in the past he would arrive in Equestria and it would be morning when back at home it was still night time.

He wondered if their day had fewer hours or vice versa, or maybe if it had something to do their sun being controlled by their own leader. If he had more free time in his schedule Jon would've asked his good friend Neil Degrasse Tyson to figure it out but as of late time was something he had very little of.

At first Jon found it annoying, mostly in part because it affected his own biological clock, but today he was gracious since it meant no one but Rainbow Dash (And soon Twilight) would know that he was here unannounced.

Jon was still not entirely familiar with the layout of Ponyville which meant that Rainbow Dash was a few feet in front of him guiding him along the path to Twilight's house. Eventually some landmarks started to jump out at him, their familiarity a welcomed change. One in particular being Sugercube Corner which they passed and they rounded a corner.

Soon their route led them to a familiar street leading to a humble tree. A tree which had a house partially built inside it where a certain lavender pony and her scaly assistant resigned. The two approached the structure and began to knock on the door loudly enough so the residents could hear them but not so loudly that it would wake up anyone else in town.

After no one answered they tried again, this time they could hear a noise coming from upstairs. They waited to see if someone would answer the door with Rainbow Dash flying in place and Jon looking behind him to see if they were truly alone. He noticed that the sun was just barely rising over the horizon and the birds were beginning to chirp. For most Equestrian citizens it was almost time to wake up but for Jon it was well past his bed time.

The sound of doors opening from overhead caught their attention. Jon took a step back and looked up just in time to see a sleepy looking Twilight Sparkle rubbing her eyes as she peered over her balcony.

"Huh?...w-who's there?" She said with a yawn.

"Hey bed head." Jon called out. "Howsabout you let us inside huh?"

"Wha-- huh! Jon? Jon Stewart is that you?" Twilight said. "And Rainbow dash? Wha-what are you two doing here?"

"We're here to see if you've heard the good news about our lord and savior." He said jokingly, getting nothing in return. "Actually I'll explain later...you don't mind if we come in do you?"

"Oh uh...not at all," she said as she straightened her mane.. "Just give me a second I'll have Spike prepare us some drinks or something."

Twilight disappeared back into her house, calling out for Spike to wake up. Jon leaned against the tree sensing that it might be awhile before she came down. Rainbow Dash seemed to have felt the same way, her impatience got the better of her resulting in her flying overhead and through Twilight's balcony door leaving Jon alone for the time being.

He cupped his hand in front of his face and breathed into them to keep himself warm. Soon the front door opened and Jon was greeted by his old friend Twilight.

"It really is you!" She said with a smile. "Welcome back to Equestria! Won't you come in?" The two entered the house whereupon she offered him a seat that he respectfully declined since it was about three sizes too small for him. Rainbow Dash now joined them but Twilight didn't offer her the seat since she knew first hand that she preferred to fly.

"Thanks Twilight," Jon said. "Sorry if I woke you up but I need your help."

"Oh that's alright Mr. Stewart, anything for a friend. I have a full day ahead of as it is," she responded as she went around putting abandoned books back on their shelves." And thanks to you I can get started on my list of things to do an hour early...although if I do that there's a good chance I'll have an extra hour of nothing to do. I suppose I could work in some last minute busy work to make up for that time but who knows how long that will take...maybe if I use this as an opportunity to explore possible scenarios where a correlation can be made between--"

"Uh Twilight I don't mean to be rude but I'm kind of in a hurry." Jon interrupted with a tired smile while Rainbow Dash shook her head.

"OH, of course! I'm so sorry." She said with embarrassment. "Now then, you needed my help."

"Yeah weeell it's like this...actually let me start from the beginning." Jon said. "You see it all started when I came back to Equestria to handle some business with the Daily Show...I won’t bore you with the details but I ended up in Cloudsdale."

"Oh Mr. Stewart don't be silly," She said dismissively as she continued to organize her library. "Only a Pegasus can go to Cloudsdale...if anypony else even tried they'd just...fall right through" She looked back over at Jon and saw that he had a worrisome look about him like he was remembering something tragic.

"Yeeeeeah let's just say I had to learn that the hard way." He replied with a shudder.

"Oh...OH!" Twilight said almost dropping a book on agriculture. She noticed that Jon looked as if he had been in the middle of a wind tunnel and that he had a few scrapes on his face. "Oh my goodness are you alright!?"

"Yeah I'm fine now, thanks to this one over here" Jon answered, pointing to Rainbow Dash. "She caught me right before I turned into a human pancake."

"Oh well that's-- wait, what were you doing in Cloudsdale anyway?" Twilight asked.

"Long story. All you need to know is I have a show soon and I was looking for the next guest to appear on Equestrian Interviews," Jon answered. "But my plans kind of fell through, no pun intended, and luckily for me ol' Dashie here was patrolling the area so she saved my ass."

"Oh I see...thank Celestia she happened to be around!" Twilight said with a sigh of relief. She directed her attention to Rainbow Dash who was hovering nearby. "Good work Rainbow! Sometimes I wonder what we'd do without you."

Rainbow Dash didn't say anything back; she merely flew in place with her cheeks puffed out like a squirrel with too many acorns in its mouth. Twilight waited for to comment on her heroic accomplishment but she remained silent.

"Um...are you ok Rainbow Dash?" She asked. The multicolored Pegasus again refused to say anything, instead deciding to cross her arms and look away.

"Yeah she's been like that ever since we came into town," Jon interjected as he sat on the floor. "She's holding her breath cause she doesn't want to say anything till tomorrow when she's on the show. She's afraid she'll say something totally awesome then won't be able to say it again on live TV cause it'll sound rehearsed...her words not mine."

Normally Twilight would have lectured her on the importance of inhaling oxygen and exhaling carbon dioxide but she was momentarily overwhelmed with Joy.

"Oh I had no idea she was the pony you were looking for!" Twilight said. Jon almost mentioned that he was originally looking for Fluttershy, but for the sake of the moment he decided not to and let her have her moment in the spotlight.

"Oh Rainbow I'm so happy for you. I know it's what you've wanted for awhile now...if you'd like I can coach you on what to expect...I mean I have been to the human world before and I've since then been boning up on my knowledge of human culture." Twilight said, unaware that Rainbow Dash was slowly starting to change color. "Like did you know that humans actually evolved from subset of animals known as primates millions of years ago? I'm sure if you talked about that during your segment they'll think you're very--"

Before she could finish her lecture Rainbow Dash fell to the ground. The lack of oxygen made it harder and harder for her to keep herself in the air.

"OH NO! Breath Rainbow Dash, breath!" Twilight pleaded as she shook her back and forth. Eventually she drew breath before getting the chance to pass out, though she was still a bit woozy from it all. Jon just watched as Twilight tried to get her to breath more by pressing on her stomach, he wondered if every day was like this in Equestria.

"Don't scare me like that, Rainbow!" Twilight scolded.

"Yeah yeah whatever," Rainbow Dash said as she once again flew up in the air. "Oh stop looking at me like that...I'm fine!"

"I don't know bout that," Jon interjected. "You still look kinda blue to me." Twilight giggled to herself while Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves and turned her back on the two.

"Ha ha veeery funny," She said, looking over her shoulder to stick out her tongue. "I'll remember that the next time I see you falling down helplessly."

"Bring it on, tiny!" Jon shot back comically. "You may be half my age but I'm also twice your size! I think I can take you!" Sensing that he was only joking she flew up beside him and began to throw a couple of punches his way, purposely missing each blow.

"Guys, guys, stop this!" Twilight pleaded, not getting that they were only playing around. "This is no time to be fighting. Rainbow you finally got your chance to go on TV like you wanted! This is cause for celebration!...Now where is Spike with those drinks?"

Directing her attention upwards she could now hear the familiar sound of Spike snoring from the upstairs room.

"SPIIIIKE! Get up, we have guests!" Twilight yelled, before shaking her head. "Ugh that dragon! I swear if he had his way all he would do is sleep and eat ice cream."

Jon would have spoken on his behalf but admittedly she had a point. The last time he was in Equestria he found him sleeping on the job.

"I'll wake his ass up!" Rainbow Dash said as she made gestures like she was pulling up invisible sleeves. Within an instant she had already flown up to Twilight and Spike's room where she gently placed both her hooves under his small bed.

"WAKE UP SCALE-BUTT!" She yelled as she flipped his bed over causing him to tumble halfway down the stairs.

"Rain Bow Dashington the third!" Twilight scolded as she rushed to Spike's aid. "I really wish you wouldn't so rough with Spike! He's just a kid!"

"Ah ease up will ya, he's fiiiiine!" She shot back. "Aint that right, shrimp?" Flying in closer she rubbed her hoof against his head making him even more dizzy than he already was.

Finally after grabbing his head to stop the spinning Spike could now see clearly what was going on.

"OW! What the heck Rainbow Dash?" He said as he rubbed his head. "Why did you...wait is that...is that you, Jon?"

Sitting on the floor Jon didn't say anything back but instead waved at Spike while sporting a very goofy looking grin which only looked more comical when combined with his tired looking eyes.

"Jon, it is you! You're back!" He yelled as she raced across the room to greet his quest who in turn welcomed him with open arms.

With Spike being about a third Jon's height all attempts on his part to give him a hug were usually met with difficulty, the highest he could ever reach was probably just above his knee. In addition their weight difference meant any attempt to tackle him would be like a puppy going up against a brick wall. This time around however, since Jon was already sitting on the floor and was exhausted from lack of sleep, when Spike launched himself at him it resulted in the two crashing to the ground.

"It's...good to see you again too," Jon said, finding it hard to speak with Spike's tiny arms wrapped around his neck in a hugging embrace. His tail was wagging with glee and the scales on the side of his head were standing straight upwards. Even in his weakened state Jon still found the strength to get back up, pull Spike off and give him a playful headlock and noogie.

Feeling slightly left out Rainbow Dash flew in and grabbed Jon's arms from behind just long enough for Spike to jump on his face. All this rough housing was too much Twilight so she went to the kitchen to get the drinks herself. She emerged a few second later to find the three playing "keep-away" with Jon's left shoe.

"Ahem!" Twilight said, using her magic to hold up a tray of beverages. "I could use some help here, please." All three got up to help with Spike being the first to grab a cup.

"Uh uh uh, not you Mr. Stewart." Twilight added. "You are a guest here, we should be serving you." Using her magic again she levitated a glass of water to Jon.

"Thank you very much," an out of breath Jon said. "And if you know what's good for ya you'll call me 'Jon.'"

She agreed and lifted her drink into the air.

"A toast to Rainbow Dash," She said. "Here's hoping she has a wonderful time in New York." All three downed their drink with Spike finishing last.

"Is that why you're here Jon?" He asked. "To get Rainbow Dash on your show?"

"Oh that's right! I completely forgot!" Twilight said with a gasp. "Jon you came here because you needed my help!...I'm sorry, I guess I got caught up in all the excitement."

"It's alright." Jon said. "But now that you mention I would like to get down to business for a second."

"Absolutely." She retorted. "So...what can I do for you today?"

Jon knew he had to go about this very carefully; what he was about to ask of her was highly unorthodox and could very easily backfire on him.

"Yeah you see I uh...I kinda need you to send me back to New York?" Jon answered sheepishly. "Like, right now if you can...you see I'm sort of stuck here at the moment."

The gang was momentarily at a loss for words, it wasn't everyday that famous celebrities from other worlds came to Twilight's house requesting such an enormous task.

"Wait what...y-you're stuck here?" Twilight asked. "I don't understand."

"Well remember when I said I had that unfortunate run in with gravity earlier today?" Jon asked getting a nod of acknowledgment in return. "Well you see during my free skydiving lesson I accidentally lost my damn phone...and well as you can imagine I can't exactly call Triple A to come bail my ass out soooo that's where you come in."

"Oh I see. Well I am sorry to hear this but I think Princess Celestia would be a more appropriate pony to be asking for this kind of thing." Twilight said sounding concerned while at the same time humble. "I may be skilled with magic but I'm sure she'll do a much better job than me...as a matter of fact we could ask her right now...Spike could you please take a letter."

Almost as if he pulled it out of thin air Spike produced a piece of paper and a quill, signaling that he was ready to go.

"Now then," Twilight said, clearing her trough. "Dear Princess Celestia...I am writing to you because--"

"Actually about that," Jon interrupted by putting his hand over Spike's writing. "Princess Celestia can't know I'm here."

The two ponies and Spike starred at Jon, each of them looking rather confused.

"She can't know you're--Wait...the princess doesn't know you're here?" Twilight asked.

"No...no she doesn't." Jon answered with a shrug. The three mythical creatures shot each other slightly worried looks before going back to staring at their human friend.

"So wait a minute...why can't she know you're here in the first place?" Twilight asked. Of course Jon knew why he didn't want Celestia to know of his being here. If she did she would question him about how he arrived in the first place and that would mean she might find out that Trixie in his world without permission...something which Celestia deemed to be a crime.

Even though Jon was furious with Trixie for almost killing him he had a promise to keep that he wouldn't rat her out...plus if Celestia took her away now Jon wouldn't get the chance to kick her ass all up and down Manhattan.

"I uh...I can't tell you why." Jon answered. This made Twilight look uneasy.

"And speaking of which," Rainbow Dash interjected. "If the princess doesn't know you're here then how the bucking hell did you get all the way up in Cloudsdale anyway?"

"I uh...I can't tell you how I did that." Jon answered.

"Uh Jon...why are you being so secretive all of sudden?" Spike asked, sounding worried about his friend's current state.

"...I can't talk to you about that either." Jon answered now feeling guilty for leaving his friends in the dark.

"Jon...are you..." Twilight said pausing a moment to look around. "Are you in some kind of trouble or something?"

"No, no, no it's nothing like that," Jon insisted as he waved his hands back and forth. "Look It's just...look I know I'm asking a lot here but I wouldn't be putting you in this kind of situation if I really didn't need your help...I know it's a tall order but at the moment all I need for you to do is send me back home and tell no one I was here."

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room with only the sounds of Rainbow Dash's wings willing the void.

"Just...please do this for me Twilight and I'll owe you big time! I'll uh...I'll take you to the Library of Congress the next time you're in town!" Jon pleaded. "All you have to do is send me back home where I'll call Celestia and tell her I want Rainbow Dash and that'll be the end of it...I promise."

"...And I can't tell anypony that you were here?" Twilight asked. "Even Princess Celestia?"

"Especially Princess Celestia." He added.

"I don't feel comfortable about this, Jon." She said in a low voice. "I don't like keeping secretes from the princess...I mean what if she--"

"Oh don't be such a kill joy, Twi!" Rainbow Dash interrupted. "It's not like this is just anypony asking its Jon Stewart we're talking about here."

"Yeah Twilight let's help him!" Spike added. "He's our friend! And friends always help friends out of a jam."

"Ooooh I don't know..." She said as she rubbed her chin.

"Oh come one Twilight this may be my only chance to get on TV!" Rainbow Dash insisted. "So whaddya say Twi? Will you do it...for me...pleeeeeaaaaase?"

Twilight found it very difficult to say no to just one friend, so three was almost impossible.

"...And exactly how big is this 'Library of Congress?'" She asked as she continued to rub her chin.

"Enormous...it's like one of the biggest libraries in the entire human world!" Jon answered. "Went there once when I was in college...almost got lost." Twilight's eyes grew with interest.

It was very tempting and while she thought about it some more all three beggars huddled together to give Twilight an innocent smile complete with puppy eyes...the dangers of peer pressure proved to be too strong for twilight.

"Oh alright...I'll do it." Twilight said causing everyone in the room to jump and cheer. "But remember Jon you owe me...big!"

"Absolutely! Thank you so much." He said as she grabbed both her hooves and gave them a shake.

"Alright, so we're all in agreement that this secret is just between us!" Rainbow Dash said as she hocked a pile of spit onto her hoof. "Let's shake on it!"

"Hear, hear!" Jon said as he spit in his palm which made Spike do the same (Though for him it was difficult so he had to try twice). They all looked at twilight who stared back with a look of disgust on her face followed by a sigh.

"I'm just going to get started on that spell if that's alright with you." She said as she walked away to grab a book.

The three didn't push her any further and with that Spike walked away to wash his hands while Rainbow Dash wiped her hoof on Jon's already tattered jacket.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Honey I'm home

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Honey I'm home

While Twilight was off gathering the equipment needed to send Jon back home the rest of the gang were busying keeping themselves entertained.

Rainbow Dash was up on the one highest bookshelves going through different novels, desperately looking for the latest issue of "Daring Do" that Twilight insisted she didn't have yet. While Jon and Spike were busy catching up on lost times.

"Wow really!?" Spike exclaimed. "My interview is still the most watched one?"

"Well...most watched online, yes." Jon answered as he got up to stretch and yawn. "It's not all that surprising...I mean you were my very first Equestrian Interviewee." Spike rocked back and forth with a smile on his face that could block out the sun.

"Enjoy it while it lasts, little dude." Rainbow Dash called out from on high. "Because once I go on the air tomorrow everypony out there will be talking about yours truly for days."

"Which reminds me," Jon said while putting his hands in his pocket. "The second I get back home I need to tell the boys to set up the stage for your arrival...I'll probably have my assistant...draw...up some--"

The sound of something squishing in Jon's pocket made him slowly stop talking, whatever it was the texture was unappealing and cold to the touch.

"Oh god what?" He said as he emptied his pockets releasing a flow of mud that was left over from his free falling mishap. "That's just what I needed...uh sorry bout the mess, guys."

Spike ran off to go get the items necessary to clean up the spill, insisting that he would clean it up himself. Jon would have offered to help in cleaning the mess he made but he was too tired to lift a finger. As Spike finished mopping of the mud he noticed something had been left behind, it was Jon's wallet which he had accidentally dropped on the ground along with the mud.

Out curiosity he picked it up and began to look at it's contents without Jon's permission. In particular he was looking at the pictures that were neatly encased in protective plastic.

"Hey Jon?" Spike asked, pointing to a group shot. "Who are these people?"

Before Jon could answer Twilight walked over and pulled Spike aside by his ear with her magic.

"Spike, what have I told you about going through things that don't belong to you!?" She scolded.

"It's quite alright, I don't mind." Jon said with a hardy, albeit tired laugh.

He grabbed Spike, who was rubbing his own ear, and placed him on his lap.

"That was a picture of my family," he answered. Opening his wallet he began to show Spike more pictures he had stashed away. "See? Aaaand these are my kids....that's my youngest one Maggie, she's six...and this is Nathan who's eight years old now."

Jon proceeded to show Spike more pictures of his son and daughter, both individually and as a group. When he was much younger Jon always swore he would never be "that guy." The kind of person who went around showing people photos of his own children, but time had a way of changing people.

"Heh heh, cute kids." Spike said as he flipped through picture after picture, eventually stopping at one. "...so who's this lady?" Jon looked over at the picture of the woman Spike was pointing to.

"Oh her," Jon said with a genuine smile. "That would be my beautiful wife Tracey...we've been married for over ten years now and I swear to you I love her more each and every day."

"Awww, how sweet!" Twilight said while Rainbow Dash continued to look at a book she found. She was pretending to not listen to what they were saying, but that didn't stop her from making gagging noises and Jon's sentimental declaration.

"Yeah I know it's corny but that woman is my entire life." Jon went on. "I'm a very lucky man." Spike continued to look at the picture of Tracey before going back to talking with Jon, this time at a much lower voice.

"So...what's it like?" Spike asked, in a slightly gloomy tone. "What's it like knowing that you've...you know, found your soul mate?" Jon wondered if it was wise to talk about such things with a child but in his sleep deprived state he saw no harm in it.

"Well spike it's the greatest feeling in the world," he said. "Waking up every morning with the person you know you want to spend the rest of your life with is a feeling like no other."

Spiked rubbed his arm and looked away like he was thinking of someone.

"But hey chin up little man," he said giving Spike a playful chuck on the arm. "It'll happen to you someday too."

"Oh uh, I...I don't care about that kinda stuff!" Spike announced before leaning in to whisper. "You really think so?" .

"Sure I do but if you ask me you shouldn't be worrying that kind of stuff for a least another couple years....I mean you're young, try enjoying the single life as long as possible." Jon said jokingly. "I was almost forty when I got married and brother let me tell you sometimes I miss being a bachelor."

Now having most of her ingredients ready Twilight walked up to Jon but didn't interrupt him, she wanted to make sure he was done speaking to Spike.

"Both me and Tracey are career driven adults so we have little time for anything else," he continued. "My little girl is about to start kindergarten and just the other day my son told me he wants to grow up to be a professional basketball player, and I have to somehow break it to him that he's Jewish."

"Wow...sounds like being a parent is a lot of hard work." Twilight said, wanting to add something to the conversation.

"You bet your cutie mark it is," Jon replied. "But I mean you know all about that don't ya, Twilight?"

"What do you mean, Jon?" She asked with a confused look about her.

"Well I mean...aren't you Spike's mother?" He added.

His bold assumptions caused Spike to drop Jon's wallet on the ground and Twilight to crinkle her nose in surprise.

"W-why Jon please don't say such things," Twilight said nervously as her faced turned a shade of red. "I'm much too young to be anypony's mother."

"Oh well then excuse me for assuming but if I recall correctly didn't you hatch him from an egg?" Jon asked curiously and with a raised eyebrow.

"Well I mean yes I suppose I did," Twilight said as fiddled with her glass of water. "But you see I did so by using magic, I um...I'm not his biological mother."

Jon made sure to cover Spike's ears (Or at least what he thought was Spike's ear) before continuing.

"Well obviously I mean I doubt your brave enough to do it with a dragon...nor do I believe a dragon would be desperate enough to do it with a pony," Jon said causing Rainbow Dash to burst out laughing in the distance. "But tell me who: raises him, feeds him, cleans him, and on occasion has to punish him?" Twilight didn't even have to think about it.

"I do." She answered, her voice laced with a hint of pride.

"Well there you have it...look I'm not advocating for anyone to be parents at a young age, all I'm saying is you meet all the qualification for being a mother." He said as she gently rubbed the top of Spike's head. "And from what I can tell, based on your handiwork here, you make a pretty damn good one too."

Neither Twilight or Spike said anything, they merely looked at each other then at Jon to give him a smile that seemed to say "thank you." The mood was broken by Rainbow Dash dive bombing her way into the middle of the room.

"Alright, alright, enough of this mushy stuff!" She demanded, as she pointed at Twilight. "How much longer till we can get Johnny back home?" Twilight snapped out of it just long enough to remember what she wanted to tell Jon.

"Oh right I forgot," she said as she walked over to her various spread out goods. "I've compiled all the necessary ingredients for the spell...I just need to time to mix it all together and to focus my magic."

"And how long will that take?" Jon asked as he approached her.

"Oh I'd say somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty four hours," she answered. "In the mean time you can stay in the guest bedroom away from prying eyes. I believe we have a--"

"Twenty four hours!" Jon yelled surprising all in the room. "Why the hell is this spell going to take so long? I need to be back in New York now!"

"I'm...I'm sorry Jon," Twilight said. "But...the thing is teleporting somepony from one world to another is a lot of work...especially if it's to the human world...I'll need time to prepare."

"But...I, but you teleported me to New York before!" He pleaded. "Remember the last time I was here!? And back then you did so in a few short minutes!"

"Yes and I'm still recovering from that day. When I was scheduled to appear on your show I teleported you home once and myself twice, to and from New York...it took so much magic to do all that...magic that I'm still building back up." Twilight explained. "The truth is it took almost everything I had to get that far, so if I'm going to do this spell I need to make sure nothing goes wrong hence the extra amount of time. If done incorrectly I might only teleport a fraction of you, not to mention I'm still not used to the layout of your world...visualization plays a key role in teleporting."

Panic began to set in on Jon at the thought of missing his show's deadline, a fear that was also shared by Rainbow Dash.

"Oh come one Egg-head you gotta think of something!" She begged. "If Johnny doesn't get back in time I don't get my time slot!"

"Twilight...is there anything you can do to speed up the process?" Jon pleaded.

"Hmmm well...there is one thing I can do." Twilight wondered out loud. "Part of the reason why sending both you and me to your show last time was so stressful was because I had pinpointed our location to a single square inch of space...but if I broaden the parameters of your destination It'll put less stress on me and I could send you home right now." Jon now found himself slightly more hopeful.

"That's it? That's all you have to do?" Jon asked anxiously,

"Well yes but he only drawback is instead of appearing in your house like last time you'll probably end up in the general area." She explained.

"Hey as long as I'm in New York and not Zimbabwe I'll consider it a victory!" Jon said. "Let's make it happen." Twilight hesitantly agreed and began to charge her horn. Jon too prepared by saying his farewells to Rainbow Dash and Spike.

"Alright guys I'll see you later," Jon said shaking Rainbow Dash's hoof and giving Spike one last hug. In no time at all Twilight's horn was radiating large amounts of magic. She had stabilized it much faster than Trixie had.

Taking his place in front of Twilight he closed his eyes.

"Oh and remember!" Jon announced so everyone could hear him. "I was never here." Everyone nodded and with a deep breath Twilight released her magic in the form of a bright light that engulfed the room then disappeared taking Jon with it.

Using all that magic at once caused Twilight to stagger sideways. She would have fallen down in the process were it not for Spike who rushed to her side.

"Think he made it ok?" Spike asked.

"We'll soon find out." Twilight answered.

In an instant Jon could feel a cold air all around him followed by the sound of sirens and the unmistakable stench of urine soaked streets...he was finally home.

Jon opened his eyes expecting to see his neighborhood but to his surprise he didn't recognize where he was...at least not at first. He looked around and noticed that this was indeed New York it just wasn't exactly where he wanted to be. Jon scouted the area for any kind of distinguishable landmarks till he eventually and to his utter dismay found one...a sign that said 82nd street.

When he looked across from him he saw a familiar building, the Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church...Twilight had teleported Jon not to his home in lower Tribeca but instead all the way up north in the Upper west side of Manhattan. Almost ten miles from his preferred destination...she wasn't joking when she said she would "broaden the parameters."

"Unicorns these days." Jon said to himself.

Without his phone he had no way of contacting a cab so for the most part he had to walk it back home; he checked his watch, it was almost two o'clock in the morning. Jon grimaced as he forced himself to walk forward. But just as he was about to head out a couple off to the side of him got his attention when they dropped their bags. It was a young German couple with large backpacks, tourists obviously, who had just witnessed Jon appear from thin air. They stood there mouths agape, their eyes a mixture of wonder and fear for what they just witnessed.

Jon was in no mood.

"Oh get over it, it’s just a simple teleportation spell." he said as he staggered on.

At about halfway home Jon managed to find a cab driver who was on duty. Even though driving people around was his job and it itself no big deal Jon praised the cabbie like he was a deity who had answered his prayers. Despite being spared the torture that was having to walk any further Jon was already tired to the point of collapsing.

Finally he made it home. He was sure no one would be up at this hour and just as well because he had some unfinished business to take care of before he got the luxury of going to bed. Two pieces of business in fact: one was contacting Princess Celestia and the other pounding a certain Unicorn into the ground like a lawn ornament.

Jon very lazily opened the front door and was immediately greeted by his wife who had waited for him on the couch all night. She was worried when he didn't come home at his usual time or called in to let her know he was ok.

"Oh honey there you are," she said, running up to give him a hug only to stop once she saw how tattered he looked. "What the hell happened to you...did you get--"

"Where is she?" Jon said interrupting his wife mid sentence as he walked pass the threshold.

"'She?'" Tracey said, "Who? You mean Trixie?"

"Yeah where is she I need to...have a little chat with her." Jon said his eyes lifeless and tired.

"She's upstairs in bed why?" She asked. Jon didn't answer instead he quickly though quietly made his way to the guest bedroom where he flung the door open and turned on the lights...no one was there.

"Wrong bed?" Tracey whispered from behind Jon, now motioning to the next door over. Jon was confused, the bedroom she was pointing to was the kid's room.

Like a ninja Jon very stealthily opened the kid’s bedroom door just enough so he could peak inside without having the hallway light shine in on them.

One bed was unoccupied while the other had three figures laying in it. Once Jon's eyes adjusted to the dark he could see that in one of the kid's bed were both Maggie and Nathan sleeping, with Trixie caught in the middle. Maggie was holding Trixie from behind like an oversized teddy bear while Nathan used her stomach as a pillow.

Jon looked back over at his wife who explained the situation.

According to her while Jon was out the kids went to bed early at the behest of Trixie. But half way through their bed time Maggie had a nightmare and was too scared to go to back to bed while Nathan out of loneliness didn't want to sleep till Jon returned home. Tracey was still worried by that fact that her husband was still missing; so to help ease everyone's worry Trixie had agreed to comfort the kids by laying with them in the same bed till they went to sleep. This way the kids had company while Tracey waited on Jon.

When Jon asked why Trixie didn't just leave after the kids went to sleep Tracey went on to explain that her plan worked too well. She figured that if she left in the middle of the night it would cause such a disturbance that they would wake back up. Not wanting to risk that she decided to stay in bed with them, both to make sure if they did wake up she would be there to comfort them and of course for the sake of their health since they needed their sleep.

The once rage filled eyes of Jon gave way and his heart began to melt. As mad as he was towards her he just didn't have it in him to stay sore at someone who looked after and loved his own kids as much as he did. Jon always had the biggest soft spot for his family and subsequently those who helped protect them. She may not be perfect but with Trixie around Jon knew his kids were safe and that was worth any number of free falling accidents.

Quietly closing the door Jon turned and gave his wife a kiss on the cheek and told her that he would join her in bed very soon and would explain everything in the morning. He shuffled over to his study and, lacking his cell phone, grabbed his study phone where he began to dial Celestia's number. It ringed longer than usual but eventually someone picked up.

"Greetings Jon. Calling a little late aren't we?" Celestia said cheerfully. "So to what do I owe the--"

"Rainbow Dash." Jon Interrupted.

"Oh..I beg your pardon, Jon?" She asked.

"I want Rainbow Dash on my show." Jon repeated.

"I see...a little straight to the point today aren't we?" She said still rather surprised by his tone of voice. "Would you...like to go ask her in person or shall I do it?"

"Oh god no!" Jon said, his voice thick with apathy. "I don't...I just...please...Rainbow Dash."

"Very well then I'll ask her myself," Celestia said sounding concerned. "But tell me Jon...are you alright?"

"Yes I'm...just fine, I...just...Rainbow Dash." Jon repeated

"Well alright then," She continued sounding curious. "Is there anything else you want me to--"

Jon hung up the second he was convinced that business was done. He knew cutting a princess couldn't be good in terms of karma but at this point he didn't care, all he wanted was to go to sleep.

"I'll send her flowers and an apology card." Jon thought as he dragged himself across the hallway. He quickly glanced back over at the children's room and rubbed his tired face.

He reflected on how this was probably one of the most stressful days of his life.

Eventually after almost collapsing in the hallway he was now in his bedroom where is wife was already undressed and under the covers. Without a second thought he threw himself on his mattress, ruined suit and all, waiting for the sleep to take a hold of him.

"Next time...I'll just accept the rejection letter." He said as he closed his eyes.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Please welcome to the show Rainbow Dash

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Rainbow Dash
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

It was now the day of Jon's interview with Rainbow Dash and even with all that happened leading up to it his luck was starting to turn around. His day kicked off to a flying start when he arrived at work and found his staff and crew hard at work getting the stage ready for the final segment.

Turns out that while he slept in that morning his wife had called in on his behalf and relayed to his assistant that they were to have an Equestrian citizen. She knew this because right before he went to bed Jon had written; "Tell Selina. Set up stage" on the notebook he always kept by his nightstand.

The set was now half done so all that was needed was the theme for them to go on which Jon responded with a simple one word answer.

"Rainbows."

Never before has the set of The Daily Show looked so, for lack of a better term, "girly." The background showed a double rainbow that began at the backstage entrance and ended at Jon's desk which was now a cloud. There were also some rainbow cutouts which were placed in between himself and audience like a fence around a house. The whole presentation was so tacky looking the set resembled a kid's show rather than a Comedy Central program. But as bad as it looks it was at least something to go on.

Another bit of good luck was that since this would be a live tapping the actual airing wouldn't occur till late that night, which meant they had a few hours to advertise their newest guest. This also meant that Jon's staff had time to come up with a theme song for Rainbow Dash to walk on stage with. It took a lot of last minute scrambling but they managed to pull it off, thought some of his employees were confused since the song didn't fit the tone stage design.

With barley an hour to spare the set was ready to go and after two segments came and went it was now time for the main attraction.

As the Daily Show returned from yet another commercial break its logo appeared on sight then left to the sound of the audience cheering excitedly. The camera made a slightly different route to show the days theme. This time around it made a long sweep from left to right so those at home could see the rainbows the littered the set. But soon, like always, it zoomed it on a very well rested Jon Stewart who was was pretending to sign papers by way of scribbling on page after page of his notes.

Soon his attention was on the camera and after a quick crack of his neck he began to speak.

"Welcome back to the Daily Show, everyone! My guest tonight!" He yelled over the audience. "She is the self proclaimed fastest flyer in Equestria, a member of the elements of Harmony and to this day the only pony ever to have pulled out a 'Sonic Rainboom.'"

As emphasis Jon pointed forward at the camera, signaling the staff to play the video clip that was provided last minute by Celestia.

"I'm not even sure how they got those camera angles." He said, getting a quick laugh out of the audience. "Please welcome to the show, Rainbow Dash!"

Before the camera even got the chance pan over to the side Rainbow Dash had already flown to the center of the stage to wave at the audience members so quickly they missed the shot of her coming out. The only thing louder than their cheers and applause was the theme song that the backstage hands had put together to accompany her.

The crowd showed little sign of calming down anytime soon so Jon made a route to greet his guest. On his way there Rainbow Dash decided to fly above the audience where she posed for a picture of gave the occasional high-five. It only intensified their cheering since this would be their first time actually making physical contact with someone from Equestria.

Each audience member stood and cheered in the hopes that they would be the next person to get to interact with her. Noticing that all of them now had their hands in the air Rainbow Dash began to fly back and forth between rows with an outstretched hoof to give them what they wanted.

Jon tried to coax her out of the mob but it was no use. Finally she made one last service to the audience by throwing her hooves around two random attendees while a third one took a picture.

She then flew back on stage where she shook Jon's hand so vigorously that he swore his warm would have popped out of his socket had she gone on any longer. To say she was rough would be a huge understatement. The two eventually made their way to the desk where Jon sat in his chair and Rainbow Dash hovered above hers. He motioned for her to sit but she wouldn't budge from her spot.

The crowd's cheering began to settle down but only because off-camera stagehands who were signaling for them to do so, otherwise the show couldn't start. Jon tried one last time to get Rainbow Dash to sit down but when it was clear that she would not.

Jon gave up and began to speak.

"Do the...do people always cheer for you like that when you enter a room?" Jon asked getting only a chuckle from Rainbow Dash in return. The crowd joined with the occasional audience member doing a last second holler.

"Thank you very much for being here Ms. Dash." He continued. "It's great to have you on the show."

"Yeah well it's about time you gave me a call," She responded. "I've been waiting forever to hear from ya!"

"Now uh...you've, you've probably sent me about-- at least 20 letters at this point," Jon said while looking up at her. "All of which were requests to appear on my show...why...do you want to be on this show so badly?"

"Pfft are you kidding?! The Daily Show is totally cool!" She said looking astonished that Jon would even ask. "It's like the coolest show on TV right now...but you know what would make the even better? If it had the coolest pony in all of Equestria?" As emphasis she struck a pose as to flex her muscles.

"Hm, can't argue with that logic" Jon responded. "Do you know who that pony is?" The crowd laughed at the two on stage with Rainbow Dash looking visibly frustrated at how easily she walked into Jon's trap. She, like almost everyone else, had no way of knowing that Jon's living with Trixie for the past couple of weeks had trained him in the art of dealing with ponies with massive egos.

She glared a Jon with an expression that seemed to say; "Not. Cool."

"But alright you're finally here!" Jon continued. "So I guess...the big question on everyone's mind is...h-has being here uh, right now lived up to your expectation."

Despite having been embarrassed at his hands the still sulking pony shifted gears and was about to express her absolute delight for being present for the show. She caught herself mid way just in time to switch her facial expression from joy to indifference.

"Eh...it's alright." She said, pretended to not care as she checked her hooves. "I mean it's not what I expected buuut hey, what can ya do?"

"Well if you don't like your time on the show we can end it early," Jon said, checking his watch.

"NO WAIT DON'T" Rainbow Dash yelled, not thinking he would call her bluff. She cleared her throat before continuing "I uh I mean...you don't gotta do that. I'm already here so might as well go along with it...b-besides if we stopped now it'd be a huge disappointment for my fans."

"You have fans?" Jon asked, now wishing that he'd phrased that better.

"Of course I do!" She shot back. "Matter of fact there are even some fan clubs who follow me around, thank you very much...and don't even try and tell me you haven't gotten letters from ponies asking for me to be on your show."

Before Jon could answer he had to think about her claim for a second; when he gave it a quick thought he realized that she was actually right.

"Actually now that you mention it I have gotten letters to that effect." He said. "On average I'd say about...10 a day."

"AH HA! See I told ya so!" She responded excitedly. "They're probably from ponies all over Equestria who've seen me in action."

"Well actually they've all been from one pony," Jon added, bursting her bubble. "She's been sending me them since day one...does the name 'Scootaloo' ring any bells."

Even though the crowd didn't know who this crazed fan was they still laughed at how comical it was.

"Ugh...yeah I know her," Rainbow Dash grunted as she folded her hooves. "She's always following me around trying to hang out with me. Lucky for me I can just fly away and she'll never catch me but still...she's persistent."

"But hey look on the bright side," Jon said with a shrug. "You...you have a stalker...that's a pretty uh, good sign that you're famous."

"Really?" She asked. "Do...do you have a stalker?"

"Well not exactly but I do know the feeling of having some annoying...person always bothering you and-- OK SERIOUSLY are you sure you don't want to sit down?" Jon asked interrupting himself; he was already feeling the pain in the back of his neck from looking up at her. "We got you a really nice chair, ya know!"

"Nah its ok," she answered. "I brought me own." Jon was just about to ask what she meant when in a split second she disappeared from the set and into the darkness that was backstage, leaving behind a rainbow trail. Jon got up to get a better view. When she returned pushing something in front of her.

It was a cloud.

"Here we are!" She said as she jumped on giving the impression that it had the tendencies of a sofa. "I took one from outside right before camera time...hope you don't mind if I borrow it for now."

The crowd began to cheer once more; none of them expected that they would witness a Pegasus using an actual cloud like it was furniture.

"You actually stole a cloud." Jon said

"I'll put it back later!" She insisted as she shifted her position so she'd lie on her back. "Gotta say though you're guys' clouds feel way different from the ones in Equestria...but it's all good."

Jon didn't say anything back which left the studio is a state of rare silence. To break this he leaned forward and stuck his hand through the cloud very hesitantly, waving it back and forth like he was trying to grab a hold of it. This act ended the silence.

"This doesn't seem very structurally sound." Jon commented.

"Maybe not for you, but us Pegasi are totally one with the clouds," she said in a proud tone. "See?...Check this out." Getting up now she flew slightly above the cloud and with her hind legs gently kicked it sending out a small thunderbolt. It flashed very brightly for its size causing Jon to withdraw his still outstretched hand. Half the crowd found it amusing while the other half was still struggling to understand what they had witnessed.

"You know what let's get back to the interview," Jon said hurriedly as he rubbed his hand. His face looked like it was stuck in a permanent expression of surprise. "So uh...what we're we talking about again?"

"He he! Uh I think...we were talking about how...I have tons of fans all over Equestria." Rainbow Dash said as she struggled to hold back her giggles.

"Of course we were." Jon retorted; he was still keeping a close eye on that cloud of hers.

"So are you sure nopony else has written to you about me?" She said leaning in with a pleading smile.

"Well...there have been some people who have expressed some interest in you," he said which instantly got her attention. "Though it hasn't been from a pony...but rather some humans here in New York."

"OH WOW REALLY!" She said now in high hopes. "Who are these humans!? Wha-wha-what did they said about me!?"

"Actually they weren't specific people per se bur rather representatives from major organizations," Jon continued. "You see...uh, whenever we have someone from Equestria on our...on our show we got a ton of people who just...who-- they want to hire that guest or get in touch with them to put together some kind of business arrangement. When we announced that you were coming on our show this morning we got...a slew of people wanting a piece of you."

"Oh awesome!" She said and she applauded herself. "What kind of business humans were they?"

"Well for starters one of the first groups that wanted to get in touch with you was uh...a privately owned company called 'Mars Incorporated.'" Jon answered.

"Ooooooooo they sound coooool!" Rainbow Dash cooed. "Are they like a super secret group of humans who like...have control over the planet Mars or something?"

"Uh no they don't," He answered with a straight face. "They make candy." Some of the audience members knew where this was going and preemptively laughed as a result.

"A candy company?" She wondered out loud.

"Yeah, believe it or not the spokesperson I talked to...wanted to see if you'd be interested in working for them full time." He continued. "The job would be being the new mascot for...one of their candy products called Skittles."

"What, why?" She said in confusion. "What would they want me to do that?"

"Uh...I'm guessing it's because you're name is Rainbow Dash." Jon said getting a look of further confusion on her part. "The advertisement slogan for Skittles is 'Taste the Rainbow.'"

Hearing the company's tagline caused Rainbow Dash to recoil back in surprise. The phrase in itself caused her to blush somewhat.

"W-what the hell!" She blurted out over the roar of the audience. "That's it!? That's why they wanted me...pffft so lame! Like I'd even want to work for a candy company...who do I look like, Pinkie Pie?"

"I don't know it sounds pretty neat," Jon commented. "I'm sure you'd get all kinds of free stuff?"

"Pass." Rainbow Dash said bluntly. "Who else tried to get in touch with me?"

"Let's see...well there was this local group that wanted to set up an appointment with you." He continued. "Same as before they wanted to see if you'd be interested in being a mascot for them." Rainbow Dash looked over at Jon suspiciously.

"Reeeeaaaally?" She said, her eyes squinting at Jon. "And what kind of company we're they?"

"Well actually they're weren't really a company...more like a uh...a local..activists group," he answered. "They were a local chapter of the 'LGBT' community."

For those in attendance who knew what the acronym stood for, the connection was made instantaneously. These were the ones who could see the punch line coming a mile away.

"What do they do?" She asked sounding slightly more hopeful. "Do they make candy too!?"

"No, nothing like that," Jon answered. "They're actually a group of young people who go from place to place advocating for...gay rights."

"Gay rights?" She asked, again looking confused. "They like...fight for the right to be gay?"

"That's one way of putting it, yes." Jon said feeling slightly odd that he was speaking on their behalf, somewhat. "You see...I don't know if it's the same over in Equestria, but over here there are some people who are...persecuted or outcasted because they are gay. Organizations like the 'LGBT' run on a philosophy of equality, and dedicate themselves to help others through counseling and such."

"Oh well I guess that's cool," Rainbow Dash responded with an odd look on her face. "But I don't get it...why would anypony be against being gay?"

"Well in our world some people see it as being...immoral or...unnatural, even." He said. Jon leaned back to get a better view of Rainbow Dash. He felt a bit proud of his guest for her virtuous way of thinking; it would seem that over in Equestria sexual preferences was not an issue.

"What? That's dumb." She added "You guys are weird...why would anypony think being happy was unnatural."

The crowd began to laugh as Jon laughed into the palm of his hand. He had previously seen Rainbow Dash's remarks as her unadulterated views on gender politics but it would seem that it was just ignorance on her part. Jon wouldn't now this till much later but Equestria had another word for being homosexual. The term "gay" was human slang but to them its root definition was still the same.

"Oh boy...Uuuh Rainbow Dash, we seem to have a bit of a...cultural barrier going on here." He said as he rubbed his hand over his face. "You see...while you're not wrong in thinking that 'gay' means 'happy'...you should know that in the human world it's also more commonly referred to as something else."

"Oh really? Well what does being 'gay' mean over here?" She asked. Her perfectly innocent question was met with a wall of laughter from the audience

He briefly reflected on how odd it felt to have to explain something that was so prevalent in human culture.

"Uh well it means...basically...actually come here for a second." He said, standing up to get closer to her. Leaning in Rainbow Dash turned her head to the side as Jon began to whisper something to her. Slowly her faced turned red. She realized now what going on and felt embarrassed, both because of the subject matter and the fact that she had looked silly on live television."

"WOW!" She exclaimed, now flying so high in the air she briefly went off camera. "THAT'S what that means!"

The crowd continued to laugh which only made her turn more red. Jon tried not to laugh but it was hard not to.

"UGH! For the love of Celestia," She said as she slapped both her hoofs across her face, trying to hide her increasingly blushing cheeks. "How did they even know I'm-- I mean WAIT A MINUTE! Why does this...'ELPT' want me to mascot for them anyway!? I aint into mares!"

"Again it goes back to your hair," Jon responded now pointing to her mane and tail. "The uh...the official colors of gay pride is the Rainbow."

There was a slight pause before Rainbow Dash calmly sat back on her cloud looking very disappointing by the kind of attention she was getting. Not because of what they represented but because the only thing they wanted her for was her Rainbow image.

"Yeah you can go ahead and tell them I'm not interested in no deals." She said, her face half burred in the cloud.

"Are you sure about that? I think you would make a great mascot." Jon jokingly said to try and cheer her up. "You know I, uh-- I got some connection down at PBS, if you want I can pull some strings to see if we can't get them to bring back the 'Reading Rainbow,'....I'm sure they'd let you host it."

It didn't help her feel any better.

"You know there's more to me than just my name and hair," she said in a slightly pouting tone while at the same time looking at the gaudy layout of the studio set. "...I'm special."

"No, no, no, I'm sure you are!" Jon said profusely. "Why don't you elaborate by telling a little bit about yourself? Like explain...who is-- what it is you actually do for a living. What is your occupation?"

She was still a little down from before but the opportunity to talk about herself some was too good a chance to pass up.

"Well...I do weather patrol around Ponyville." she said now sounding a little more active.

"That's right I've heard, uh I've heard that Pegasi are in charge of controlling the weather." Jon commented.

"That's right Johnny!" She said, giving herself a boost of confidence. "And I'm in charge of assigning who does what and in what area!"

Even thought she obviously was trying to convey that she was a high ranking weather official Jon couldn't help but imagine her sitting languidly in a cloud all day while making everyone else do the work.

"So tell me...from a Pegasus point of view how did you-- explain how you came about learning...that you could control the weather," he said as he made motions with his hand on the table. "Was it like when you were a kid you were just like; 'man I'm having such a bad day right now, oh wait why is it suddenly raining.' or--"

Both the audience and Rainbow Dash laughed. With a quick shift in weight she made it so her cloud was at a lower altitude so she could address Jon better.

"Nah man, it’s nothing like that. We pegasi are just real good at handling these kinds of things," She demonstrated by rubbing her lone cloud. "When we're young we get sent to a special kind of school in Cloudsdale where we are taught how to maintain temperature, or how to properly use a cloud, and when and where to make it rain. It's every Pegasi's duty to make sure the weather is properly maintained and regulated cause without us the seasons would...well there wouldn't be any seasons."

During her entire explanation Jon just listened and nodded his head in appreciation for the important public service that her species does every day.

"My job is just sitting on my ass and making fart jokes all day long," Jon responded which caused Rainbow Dash to roll around in her crowd laughing hysterically. "Sooooo I think we know who the clear winner is here."

"OH YEAH!?" Rainbow Dash said now feeling in a playful mood. "Well I get to sit in this comfy, comfy cloud!...Do you have a cloud? HA, didn't think so!"

"Yeah well you can keep your smelly old cloud!" he said. "My chair has wheels."

"Oh I'm sooooo jealous." She demonstrated by rolling around in her cloud till she was completely surrounding by it; with the only part of her visible being her eyes. The crowd laughed at the sight of Rainbow Dash who resembled less a pony and more like a giant white cream puff.

"You sure do love that thing," Jon said now adjusting his tie and speaking in a overly joking tone. "Wha-what, is your house made of clouds too!?"

"Actually it is!" She answered after she had popped her head through the top of her seat like a Wack-a-mole. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I live in a floating partial cloud-house just in between Cloudsdale and Ponyville .

"Huh, I...I uh,got the impression that... that you lived in Cloudsdale," he said as has he fiddled with his pen. "Don't all Pegasus come from there?"

"Eh, sorta. I was born and raised there, but now I work and hang out mostly in Ponyville." She said. "On occasion I'll still swing by my old flying grounds just to let them know whose boss...so I guess I'm lucky my place is right in the middle."

"Which...which would you say you like best?" Jon asked, feeling like throwing her an easy question. "Like say you had to uh...you were required to say in one place...the, the, the rest of your life which would it be?"

The question forced her to think for a second as she idly kicked chunks of cloud on the ground.

"Oooooo that's a tough one. Well...I'll always love Cloudsdale because it's where I grew up...plus it's where I usually spend my weekends to see the attractions. Real talk; It's one of the most happening towns in all of Equestria." She said now with a grin on her face. "Matter of fact, you should come visit sometime, Johnny...I'm sure you'll just fall head over heels in love with the place."

Only a small handful of people knew what Rainbow Dash was hinting at, and like a veteran getting painful flashbacks of his time in the war Jon shuddered as he briefly replayed the events of last night in his head.

"Buuuut if I had to choose I say I'd rather live in Ponyville," Rainbow Dash continued. "I mean it may not be as active as Cloudsdale but all my friends live there."

"Now...is that your final answer." Jon said, using his notes to pretend to fill in some boxes on an application.

"Yeah I think so," She answered. "The ponies who live are pretty nice and it's a pretty safe town...it's the kinda place where you can leave your front door unlocked at night and nopony will break in."

"Now that sounds like a great place to live: nice people, good values, and--" Jon said cutting himself off to place his two fingers against his ear. "...Ok, I'm now being told that thefts in Ponyville are at an all time high."

Although she knew he was only joking around the cyan colored Pegasus took the opportunity to brag some more.

"Thieves in Ponyville, huh? BRING EM ON!" She yelled while striking a pose like a professional boxer. "I can take em! I'll beat up anypony who tries to mess with Ponyville!"

"Ya hear that criminals!? If you come by Ponyville and start trouble you'll have to deal with Rainbow Dash!" Jon yelled while pointing at an adjacent camera. "She'll use her Pegasus powers to make the weather lightly dreary!...And...if that doesn't work...she'll, god forbid, she'll make it'll rain on you...don't tempt her! SHE'LL DO IT!"

Ordinarily his patronizing would have annoyed her but with the crowd laughing she couldn't help but join them. It was infectious that way.

"That's actually one of the reasons why I love Cloudsdale so much," She said. "It's located high in the skies so we're safe from most enemies without wings. But Ponyville...Ponyville is a sitting duck when it comes to hostiles. I swear it's like every week somepony tries to start something with us."

"I'm assuming you're talking about the number of times it's been attacked by...let's say the forces of evil?" Jon asked feeling silly for using such a corny description. "Would...you go as far to say that your being a member of the Elements of Harmony have-- uh, means that it's your responsibility to, to ensure the safety of those around you?"

"Yeah I guess you can say that, but really the citizens of Ponyville have nothing to fear with me around," she said proudly. "I was there to stop Nightmare Moon, the parasprite invasion, and when Discord came to town...yep I know my way around a bad guy or two."

"You make it sound like you did it all by yourself," Jon commented as he leaned back in his chair. "Isn't it called the Elements of Harmony?"

"Well I mean yeah sure my friends also help in protecting Equestria but I kinda like to think I do most of the work," she said as she laid about on her cloud. "When it comes to the gang I'm definitely the 'HPIC.'"

"'HPIC?'" Jon asked.

"Yep...head pony in charge." Rainbow Dash answered. The crowd cheered her on while Jon leaned in with one hand under his chin.

"I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're not the element of modesty." He ventured.

"Hey, hey, hey all I'm saying is I do a lot for the team," she continued. "Also when Nightmare moon and Discord came to Ponyville and we used the elements to stop them what do you think was used to deliver the final blow...it wasn't a giant apple I'll tell ya that...it was a rainbow!"

"It...it really does seem like Ponyville is subject to uh, to a lot of....hostility," Jon said. "How often do you guys have to-- I mean like does the major have a special phone that she uses to call you guys? Like every other week she'll be like: 'Elements of Harmony the city of Ponyville is under attack by a giant monster; we need your help.'"

"Nah we don't have anything like that, but you know it's not a bad idea," she thought out loud. "I'll have Twilight mention it at the next town hall meeting...she's the only pony who ever goes to it."

Trying his hardest not to laugh Jon placed a hand over his mouth and lowered his head to try and contain himself. In the short time that he's known her he had to admit the thought of Twilight alone in a town hall building listening to the major was as frighteningly accurate as it was hilarious.

Making Jon Stewart laugh was enough of a victory for Rainbow Dash that she stood on her cloud to pump her hooves in the direction of the audience.

"Now...now before you said that...you like going to Cloudsdale to uh...see the attractions." Jon continued, holding back in left over laughs. "What kinds did you go see and explain, if you can, why you have to go to Cloudsdale to see them?"

Jon thought it was a relatively easy question bordering on soft but for Rainbow Dash it meant she could talk about something very important to her. Before answering she ducked slightly in her seat.

"Well Cloudsdale does have a lot to offer like the Rainbow factory or Nimbus Avenue," She said. "But when I'm there I never pass up the chance to see in action the great, the extraordinary, the biggest baddest, most awesomest group of ponies to ever exist..."

As if there was spring loaded seat in her cloud Rainbow Dash burst forward in excitement and flew straight in the air, doing a mid air back flip before diving back down on the cloud like it was a trampoline.

"...THE WONDERBOLTS!" She added, her voice high in volume.

"The who?" Jon responded.

"WHAT!?" She shot back. "You’re kidding...HOW HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF THE WONDERBOLTS!?"

"For the same reason I don't know who 'One Direction' or Nicki Minaj is," he said with a shrug. "...I'm old."

"Oh brother...alright Johnny listen up cause I'm only going to say this once!" Rainbow Dash said with a deep sigh. "The Wonder Bolts is a squad of Pegasus ponies who are famous for their performances where they show off killer aerial acrobatics and super cool demonstrations. They're the fastest flyers in all of Equestria and they often perform in Cloudsdale and on some occasions in Canterlot for the princess herself! Ever few years they scout for talent in search of new members with the current team being: Spitfire, Soarin', Rapidfire, Fleetfoot--"

"Ok, ok I get it you’re a fan!" Jon interrupted before she went any further.

"I'm not just a fan!...I'm their number once fan!" She yelped with a giddy expression. "And someday I'm going to be a member of the Wonderbolts just like them!"

"Have you tried auditioning before?" Jon asked, wanting to keep the pace of this topic alive.

"Not officially, no." She answered. "I'm still training...I want to make sure I'm ready for when I finally go for it."

"Admirable...but you know if I were you I'd just do this," Jon said as he prepared his famed stereotypical New York Accent. "Eh yo wonderbolts! You enjoyin' livin' ere in Equestria? Yeah, I saved it twice...baboom!"

As the crowd laughed Rainbow Dash tried to keep a serious look about her since they were talking about her lifelong idols.

"You know the way you describe the Wonder Bolts is the same-- is very similar to a group of flying performers here in our world," Jon continued. "They're called 'The Blue Angels' and they...pretty much do the same things that your guys do."

"Ooooo 'The Blue Angels' huh...they sound pretty cool, though not as cool as the Wonder Bolts, obviously," Rainbow Dash said, trying her best to sound forward. "Do you know what their WP is? I want to know how fast they are!"

"I'm sorry...but what's WP." Jon asked.

"You know 'Wing power,'" She answered. "I want to compare their WP with mine!"

As far as Jon knew there wasn't a well known measurement of speed known as WP. This led him to believe that Rainbow Dash might be assuming too much.

"Uh just so we're clear you do know that the members of The Blue Angles don't actually have wings, right?" He asked a now shocked Rainbow Dash.

"Wait, what?" She said. "How can they perform flying acrobatics if they don't even have wings?"

"They do so because they fly in planes," he continued only to get more confused looks, "Uh...a plane is a mechanical device that allows humans to fly for a period of time...they don't actually have wings on their backs, no human does."

"Wait, wait, wait, hold on here!" Rainbow Dash demanded as she shook her head. "So you're telling me that in addition to not being able to use magic humans can't even fly? Wow, and here I thought you were just the human version of an Earthpony...I kinda feel sorry for you humans."

The crowd cooed in fake protest; they took her statement not as an insult but as a humorous look at human life.

"You guys over at Ponyville live next to a 30-foot-tall Hydra," Jon quipped back. "I think us...as New Yorkers not having to live next door to a multi-headed dragon is a pretty good trade off for not having wings or a horn on our head."

It was almost time for the interview segment to end so Jon made sure to get one least question in before they had to go to a commercial break.

"Before we go I want to know...what is-- what exactly is a 'Sonic Rainboom?'" Jon continued. "You're known for being the only pony to ever pull it off but aside from the footage I'm not very sure what it is."

"Well to put it simply...the Sonic Rainboom is when a pony flies so fast that they can break through the color barrier," She explained proudly. "When the barrier is broken a whole buncha colors gets released, and I'm the only pony who's ever done it."

"Congratulations." Jon said right before the crowd had a quick round of applause for the proud Pegasus. "That sounds like quite a nice thing to have on your Pony resume."

"Yeah...it kinda is," She said trying and failing to sound humble about it. "Sooo tell me Jon have your precious Blue Angles done anything as cool as a Sonic Rainboom?"

"Uh...well I'm not sure about that," he answered, his guest acting not at all surprised. "But we do have a guy who-- he, who broke the sound barrier...a guy by the name of Felix Baumgartner."

This sudden new development caused Rainbow Dash to sit up in her cloud and take notice.

"Wait...w-what did he do?" She asked cautiously.

"Oh nothing much he just flew up into space and Skydived all the way back to earth," Jon continued. "He went so fast he actually broke the sound barrier."

"That...sounds awesome!" She said, her voice high pitched for a second.

"Yeah...it kinda is." He responded with a smug grin.

"Hey wait a minute!" She said. "I thought you said no humans had wings...how did this Felix guy fly up all the way to space!?"

Jon had to think for a second before answering since he only knew vague details of the operation.

"Well a space team sponsored by 'Red Bull' brought him up there." Jon said. "The whole thing was something of a publicity stunt with the main goal being Felix breaking a number of world records?"

"Wait...so what you're saying is...a Bull brought this human into space?" Rainbow Dash asked as she tried to visualize what it would look like in person.

"No actually that's-- you see 'Red bull' is an energy drink company, not an actual bovine." Jon explained.

"So an energy drink company made a human jump from space to break some records and gain attention?" Rainbow Dash summarized out loud while counting on her hooves.

"Welcome to America!" Jon announced as he threw his arms out. "Actually that reminds me...the 'Red Bull' company also tried to get in contact with me this morning...they too wanted to see if you wanted to work for them."

"Oooooh let me guess," Rainbow Dash said, her voice sounding annoyed. "They are somehow connected with Rainbows so they wanted me to be their mascot."

"Actually no not at all," Jon explained. "I believe they were interested in you because of the fact that you can fly."

"REALLY!" She said with an ever present smile. "Is, is, is it because I'm super fast and agile with a WP level that could put anypony to shame!?"

"I can't be one hundred percent certain but I think it's because you have wings," Jon said, trying not to laugh. "...Their slogan for the company is 'Redbull gives you wings.'"

Her once enthusiastic smile disappeared as she fell through her cloud and landed on the guest's chair. The crowd began to laugh as Rainbow Dash smacked her hoof against her face. After a round of laughter Jon leaned in to address her.

"Rainbow Dash it's been great having you here today!" Jon said as he grabbed her hoof to give it a shake. "And I wish the best of luck to you in your dream of being a member of the Wonder Bolts."

"...Thanks, Johnny!" She said as her spirits began to lift again.

"Listen can you stick around for about five minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web?" He asked as he pointed to the camera.

"Sure thing, big guy!" She said as she flew back in the air.

"Excellent! Thanks again for being here today," Jon said as he turned to the camera. "Rainbow Dash everyone. We'll be right back."

The camera began to pan away in a slightly faster pace than usual. This was done so the audience at could get a good view of Rainbow Dash who at this point was flying just at arms reach above Jon's head. It was slightly harder to tell but right before the segment ended the last thing anyone could see was Jon whispering something in her ear. The cheers of the audience got louder and louder only to slowly fade as the Daily Show logo appeared on screen then vanish in favor of the final commercial break.

Episode 12 [Iron Will]: The dinner

In his almost fifty years of living Jon Stewart had to overcome many obstacles. As an entertainer one very prominent difficulty he faced early on was having to get up in front of an audience; the fear of having many people focused on you is one that has resonated in mankind for generations.

Fortunately for him this was a fear he learned to conquer through decades of experience. Sure he'd come off as humble by saying he still felt nervous every now and again but deep down he knew the second he was on stage addressing a crowd he was in full control.

Which is why it baffled him that he could stand in the same historic location that Dr. King gave his famous "I have a dream" speech and talk to 215,000 people with no problems, but sitting on his couch with two kids staring at him was more than he could handle.

It was almost dinner time in the Stewart household and Jon was occupying himself by sitting in the adjacent living room couch while reading the day's newspaper; a tradition in itself for last minute conversation starters. He was still only on the second page because, try as he might, he was unable to get much reading done knowing that his kids were glaring at him.

Very delicately he peaked over the right hand fold the paper to see if his they were still watching him. He immediately caught two pair of sad eyes looking at him and swiftly ducked his head back in the news section.

"Pleeeeeeeeeease, Daddy?" Nathan said.

"No." Jon responded.

"Pretty please, Daddy?" Maggie added.

"Double no." He said back.

After a lengthy moment of silence Jon peered over his paper once again on the off chance that the two gave up and went on their way; no such luck. They continued to look at him with the same big puppy eyes which they both knew was his weakness. This back and forth between Jon as his two children had been going one for almost twenty minutes now and they showed no signs of letting up.

He tried to finish the second paragraph of the article he was one when he felt a heavy weight on each of his legs. When he looked over he saw that each of his kids and clamped on to him like a monkey on a tree branch. They were becoming increasingly hard to ignore

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaase!?" They said to Jon who ignored their pleading.

The reason why they were literally begging at his feet was due to they're not being allowed to see their beloved nanny Trixie who was locked up in the guest bed room. This was not a form of punishment on their part but rather the other way around; Trixie was the one who was in trouble.

It had been almost a month since Trixie accidentally stranded herself in the human world and in the short amount of time she had surprisingly made herself a valued asset to Jon. She didn't teach him much in the ways of magic and her powers were rarely useful to him, but what she lacked in magic she more than made up for as a caretaker.

Her willingness to help watch over the children made life very easy for Jon, so much so that he was considering keeping her full time; but her presence wasn't without its ups and downs. Aside from being a constant pain in the neck she had also caused Jon some problems on occasion

The most recent of which was when Trixie, blinded by her own hubris, teleported Jon to Cloudsdale, not realizing that only a Pegasus could walk on its terrain. The results were not good.

In the end Jon forgave Trixie and decided not to tell the family what she had done on the assumption that if they ever found out they might turn on her (especially Tracey who didn't like the idea of having magic in the house to begin with). The last thing Jon wanted was for everyone to hate her and cast her out like so many others in her life had done. But at the same time he felt that she deserved some king of punishment.

As much as he didn't like to admit it Jon had accepted Trixie into his life in a way he didn't anticipate and could not explain. For all her faults he was slowly seeing her not as a housemate but as a member of the family; almost as if she too was one of his children.

So to that end he made a compromise to punish her in a manner most fitting; the same way he'd punish his actual son or daughter if they did something wrong...every day till he saw fit Trixie would have a serve a mandatory 30 minute time out in her room. On average a time out would last ten minutes but since she had almost killed him he felt it should be longer.

This of course didn't sit well with Jon's actual kids since it meant they couldn't play with their new best friend, hence their constant begging that he let Trixie out early.

"Please Daddy!?" Maggie said. "Can she come out now!?"

"No, sweety." Jon answered as he lazily shook the leg she was on.

"Why not?" Nathan asked.

"Because she's still in time out." He answered again.

"But why!?" Maggie urged.

"I can't tell you...but let's just say SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE DID!" Jon yelled over his shoulder in a loud but non angry tone.

A voice from upstairs picked up on this and yelled back.

"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Trixie yelled from her room, but Jon didn't respond. He went back to reading his paper when at that moment both Nathan and Maggie leapt on the couch taking either side of him.

"She did say she was sorry!" Nathan said.

"Yeah! Come on Daddy it's been like...a hundred minutes!" Maggie said, confident that her estimation was accurate.

Jon was about to tell them that if they kept asking they would share the same fate as Trixie but when he looked over at his daughter he caught her giving an almost cartoonish facial expression, complete with watery eyes and pouting lips. He quickly turned away only to see his son give the exact same look. He had to choice but to cave in.

"Oh, alright," Jon conceded. "She can come downstairs."

"REALLY!?" Both children said in unison, their sad demeanor vanishing without a trace.

"Yeah really." He said getting up to stretch his back. "It's almost dinner time anyway...I don't want PETA thinking I'm starving animals."

"YAAAAY!" Maggie exclaimed as she jumped up and down on the sofa while her brother turned around to face the stairway.

"HEY GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE!" Nathan yelled. "YOU CAN COME DOWN NOW!"

His words echoed throughout the house but nothing happened. Thinking it was because Nathan had said it and not himself Jon decided to give Trixie the official "OK."

"It's alright, Trixie." Jon called out. "You can come down now. I've decided to let--"

Jon was caught off guard by a bright light in the middle of the living room, followed by the sudden appearance of the now free Trixie. Her unexpected entrance caused him to stumble backwards in shock.

"SON OF A--" He said, trying to regain his balance. At the last second however he tripped over the nearby ottoman and landed awkwardly on the sofa.

Regret immediately started to set in but if nothing else at least his kids were now happy, as evident by their swift departure from the sofa in favor of greeting Trixie in a loving embrace. Both were hugging her in such a way that she was now off the ground by a few inches; Nathan eventually released her but Maggie continued to hold onto her like she was an oversized teddy bear but Trixie didn't mind.

"I really wish you wouldn't do that." Jon said as the paper he was trying to previously read landed softly on his head.

"Oh Stewart one would think you'd be used to my magic by now," she said arrogantly while still being held from behind. "I mean really I thought you humans were good at adapting...perhaps you're just a bit slow."

Both of Jon's children began to laugh at Jon's clumsy disposition; though to him it seemed like his kids were laughing with him while Trixie was laughing at him.

"Oh you think that's funny huh?...I'll give you something to laugh about," Jon said as he got up and hunched over with a crooked smile. "I think it's time for a visit from...the...TICKLE MONSTER!"

Trixie was just about to comment on how offish Jon looked but she found it hard to breathe let along say anything with Maggie now holding her with a much tighter force than before.

"NO! NOT THE TICKLE MONSTER!" Nathan yelled with a playful smile.

"QUICK GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE, RUN!" Maggie yelled oblivious to the fact that she was still holding her up.

Just as Jon had predicted the two kids ran off giggling down the hallway carrying Trixie along with them.

"NOT AGAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaain!" Trixie yelled as she eventually disappeared around the corner.

With Trixie and the kids gone Jon was finally alone but it was a hollow victory since he was no longer in the mood to catch up on daily events. With dinner just about done he decided to make himself useful by setting the table.

Slowly making his way to the dining table he caught a view of his wife in the kitchen already putting even portions of food onto separate plates.

"What are we having today?" Jon asked as he laid down some forks and knives.

"Ground beef and cheesy casseroles for us," Tracey answered. "And skinless chicken with asparagus for you."

"Sounds delicious...for you guys," Jon joked as he helped her place the food in the center of the table.

"Yeah well until Dr. Morrow says otherwise it's 'heart healthy' for you." She said, patting him on the chest.

Jon responded only with a tired smile as he followed her back in the kitchen to retrieve the last containers of food. On the way back the silence was broken by Tracey.

"So you and Trixie are still going at it, huh?" She asked getting a nod in return. "You finally going to tell me what she did to get you all worked up?"

For a brief moment Jon thought back to the last time he was in Equestria and how he was almost met with a terrible fate. He grimaced at the thought and placed his hand over the very heart his wife fought so hard to protect. He didn't like keeping secrets from her but at the same time he didn't want her to worry over something that was a genuine accident.

"It's nothing really." Jon said. "Don't worry about it." He made sure to briefly look in the opposite direction to avoid eye contact since she was an expert in reading his face.

"I see...well whatever happened I'm sure you're overreacting." Tracey added. "She does seem sorry so try to go easy on her?"

"Well listen to you," he said with a half smile. "Weren't you the one hellbent on kicking her out of the house the second you got the chance...now you're defending her?"

What Jon said was true; he wasn't the only one who came to appreciate her services. Tracey herself wasn't keen on the idea of having the young unicorn in her own house; if it wasn't for Trixie's expertise in child care she probably would have insisted she go back to Equestria a long time ago. She still was iffy on the concept of having a mythical creature with other worldly powers so close to her kids but even she had to admit she served a pretty good purpose.

"Eh what can I say, she's good with the kids." Tracey said with a shrug. "You know how hard it is to find a full time baby sitter."

With the table almost ready the last thing that was needed was to set down the food filled plates in the right areas. Tracey stepped into the kitchen and grabbed the four sets of plates waitress style, a trick she learned when she was younger. After putting them in the desired locations on the table she spun around and entered the kitchen once again to retrieve Trixie's eating bowl.

Letting Trixie stay with them wasn't without its conditions. For one Trixie was required to wear a cork on her horn when in the company of the children (to avoid any eye to horn contact) and she couldn't use her magic directly on them.

But another term of her living arrangements was she was not allowed to eat at the dinner table. It was simple rule that she had grown up on as a kid: no animals at the dinner table. So instead of dinning with them she had to eat in the corner or upstairs in her room, hence the bowl. Trixie thought it was a bit demeaning though she never made any complaints about it; mostly because it was Tracey's decision and not Jon's.

Tracey was about to reach out and grab the bowl when a thought crossed her mind. At first she brushed it aside and continued her business, but then she looked back at the table. Even though it was now complete, except for anyone sitting down, she couldn't help but feel that it was somehow lacking.

She looked at the bowl that was now in her hands and back at the table. After a quick deliberation she made a snap decision.

"Honey," she called out. "Could you call everyone over please?" Jon obliged and hollered for everyone to gather for dinner.

Soon both Maggie and Nathan found their way to the dining table with Trixie following close by.

"Come on boys and girls this food aint gonna say warm all night." Jon said before sitting down at one of the end of the table.

"Calm yourself, Stewart," Trixie insisted. "Somepony your...age should really learn the virtue of patience less they acquire extra grey in their mane."

The two children sat in their usual spots and Trixie walked over to the corner where she normally ate. She was somewhat confused to find that her corner of the room was completely devoid of dinner. She wondered if Tracey had forgotten to serve her food but before her brain could process any more possible explanations her attention was drawn away by someone calling out her name.

"Trixie, dear?" Tracey said from nearby. "I was thinking that perhaps you'd like to...join us for dinner."

Trixie turned around and saw Tracey pulling up a chair in between Nathan and Maggie. In front of it was a plate with an assortment of food already laid out and a glass of water next to it.

"Great and Powerful Trixie can eat with us this time!?" Nathan asked, his eyes wide with astonishment.

"She sure can," Tracey answered as she patted the seat with her palm. "If she would like to that is?"

Trixie was at a loss for words. It may have been a small gesture but to her it meant so much more.

She knew that her being there had caused the two parents some hardships and that Tracey especially wasn't particularity fond of her from the beginning. So for her to openly invite Trixie to the dinner table made the blue Unicorn feel wanted. It was a feeling she wasn't used to.

She looked over at Jon who gave her a wink and motioned for her to sit down.

Her mouth hung open as she tried to think of a snarky answer; something that conveyed that she would accept her offer but that she ultimately didn't care. Such a comeback couldn't be found...because it didn't exist.

"T-t-thank you," Trixie said with an earnest smile. "I'd...love to."

Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Trixie joins a lovely dinner

When sitting at the dinner table Jon liked to position himself at the very end so he could survey the entire family, essentially acting like a referee. From where he sat he could clearly see his wife and two kids but from his angle he could not see Trixie, at least not right away.

Jon was trying his hardest not to laugh, for doing so would have undoubtedly killed the mood that was Trixie's acceptance at the dinner table....though the fact that she was too short to see over threshold had already done that.

Trixie was visibly frustrated by this though Jon couldn't tell since he could only make out her horn and a small section of her head. Not wanting her gesture to be for nothing Tracey lightly jogged to the kitchen where she hastily rummaged under the sink. She eventually returned with what she was looking for, a booster seat from when Nathan was younger.

Without asking Tracey effortlessly picked Trixie up with one arm and slid the kiddie chair underneath her. Normally she would have objected to being manhandled in such a way but her attention was on Jon who was trying his best to keep a straight face.

"There we go!" She said, giving Trixie a pat on the head. "See, you can hardly tell."

"I...suppose this will have to do," Trixie said. She adjusted herself while at the same time trying to ignore Jon's stifled giggles. "Though in the future I shall require more...appropriate seating arrangements. After all I am the Great and Po--"

The sound of a loud clicking noise filled the room leaving it in silence. Trixie lowered her head to see that during her speech Nathan and leaned over and bucked the safety belt around her waist. She gave him a confused look till he explained himself.

"...It's so you don't fall down." He said sounding concerned for her safety. The silence didn't last long after that, not with Jon laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair himself.

To show how serious she was Trixie slammed her hooves on the table to lift herself up from her seat. But before she could even say anything she was yanked back down by the booster seat which was also attached to chair. This only made Jon laugh even more.

"Ok, ok everyone let's just calm for a second," Tracey announced. "This is our first of many dinners with everyone present and I'd like it to be a pleasant one!"

All parties agreed, though Trixie took a moment to give Jon a dirty look, and after a quick moment of grace the five were ready to eat.

"Alright let's dig in!" Jon said.

He and Tracey wasted no time. The sound of silverware clanging on ceramic plates could be heard from their side of the table. But on the other side which housed Maggie, Nathan and Trixie, very little eating was taking place. Instead they were to busy talking amongst themselves.

It was Tracey's decision to put Trixie in between her two children. This strategic placement was done to prevent any fighting between the two siblings but her plan had somewhat backfired. When she looked across the table, instead of eating, she saw that the three were too busy trying to converse with Trixie.

"...And this is called a 'fork,' and, and, and this is called a 'spoon,'" Maggie said pointing to the eating utensils. "...Aaaand this is called a 'plate'...oh and this is a 'napkin,' you use it to wipe your face....and this--"

"Maggie sweetheart, I know what all these things are." Trixie said in soft tone. "My world isn't that much different from yours."

"Says the talking magic horse," Jon interjected, getting her attention. "While we’re on the subject, tell me…how do you guys eat food over there without any...you know?" To visually get his point across Jon wiggled his fingers in the air.

"Well if you must know...most ponies just sort of...dig in I guess you can say. It's abysmal really." Trixie said looking at the silverware in front of her. "Now, when it comes to more cultured ponies like us Unicorns we eat like this."

Using her magic she levitated a fork and knife off the table with ease. A simple spell but it left the two children absolutely captivated. She was about to use them to scoop up a helping of ground beef when Tracey intervened.

"Ah, ah, ah! No magic,Trixie!" She said in an authoritative tone. Trixie gave her a look, like she had told her to eat with her hooves tied behind her back. "I'm sorry dear, but not at the dinner table."

"But...I'm Trixie?" She said.

"It's only fair," Jon said with a smirk. "I mean everyone else follows that rule." Ignoring him Trixie looked around then continued to address Tracey

"With all due respect Ms. McShane," Trixie said in a polite tone while exposing both her hooves. "How exactly am I supposed to eat?"

"OH, OH, OH, OH I'LL DO IT!" Maggie said raising her hand in the air. "I'LL FEED HER!"

The family watched as Maggie scooped up a spoonful of her own food then immediately tried to get Trixie to eat it. In protest the tied down Unicorn leaned back, feeling slightly awkward. Spoon feeding someone in a kiddie chair was something she was used to doing not the other way around.

Tracey thought the gesture was equal parts adorable and humiliating. The look of discomfort on Trixie's face was enough to get her to reconsider her stance.

"On second thought you can use your magic," Tracey said, still uncomfortable with the idea of levitation being combined with sharp objects. "Just...please be careful."

"There is no need to worry." Trixie said in a pompous tone. "When it comes to using magic the Great and Powerful is always very careful and diligent." Jon nearly choked on his helping of asparagus.

Now having gotten the green light Trixie began to eat her food with excitement, which caused the kids to do the same.

Since this was her first time eating with the family, as opposed to just being in proximity, Trixie tried her best to act respectful. She listened to what everyone else had to say and made sure to compliment Tracey on her cooking which she very much admired.

Being a traveling entertainer had given Trixie the chance the experience a wide selection of culinary delights but none of them came close to the meals she had in the Stewart home.

At first Tracey had offered to put her on a proper diet of grass and oats but Trixie refused. She wanted the opportunity to consume food that she would otherwise never have the chance to try again; meat-based products being the most obvious example since Equestria was a vegetarian state.

Jon always thought it was weird that she was able to eat food like: pork, chicken, and beef, since she herself was also an animal. What irked Jon the most was how she seemed almost enthusiastic about it. Whenever she ate she usually had larger portions of meat than anything else, like she reveled in the idea of being on top of the food chain.

Jon once asked her how she could stomach eating such things and she responded by saying something along the lines of: "One life form must be sacrificed so another can live...that's just life."

Jon wasn’t surprised; even though she was a pony it would seem that Trixie was a carnivorous predator at heart.

Her favorite dish was Tracey's stuffed chicken breast with mushrooms.

The rest of dinner progressed in a fluent manner with everyone eating and no confrontation. Each family member took turns telling everyone else what they did that day with the children's daily activities being almost identical since they mostly just played with Trixie.

Eventually everyone finished off their plates with a few of them going back for seconds. Both Nathan and Maggie left room for what was about to come.

Much like the format of Jon's show the best was saved for last. Dessert.

Tracey stood to make her announcement.

"Ok kids, should we have dessert today?" She asked, knowing full well what their answer would be.

"YES!"

"YES!" Both yelled in agreement.

To express how serious they were about their answer both were jumping up and down in their seats.

"Ok, ok settle down!" She said. "Tonight you can either have: Fresh baked cookies, pudding, or brownies...I'm only making one."

"Pudding!"

"Pudding!" They said still on the same wavelength.

"Alright, it's decided," she said waving her hand for them to sit back down. "Pudding it is. Now I only have the ingredients to make one kind of batch so what's it going to be: Chocolate or strawberry?"

Again both kids jumped in their seats with answers.

"Chocolate!"

"Strawberry!"

A moment passed before the brother and sister looked at each other from across the table, their conflicting answers caused them to stare at each other intently. It was wise to have Trixie sit in between them after all. The two began to argue and shout profanity at each other, though it never got worse than the phrase "Poop face."

Before she got the chance to scold them the Trixie banged her hooves together got their attentions just long enough for Tracey to continue.

"Thank you, Trixie," she said with a nod. “If you two don't stop fighting none of you will get anything!"

In a gesture to show their cooperation both children placed their hands over their mouths and sat back down as quickly as they could.

"Ok good," she said. "Now unless you two can agree on a flavor I think we should put it to a vote."

"In that case…a full endorsement for chocolate from me." Jon said, lifting his hand in the air.

"NO!" Maggie exclaimed, disappointing that her dad could betray her like that. Nathan on the other hand was elated.

"Alright, alright, if anyone wants to participate in the vote you can...I will too just to be fair!" Tracey announced sitting back down. "Ok...all in favor of chocolate…raise your hand."

As expected both Jon and his son raised their hands in the air, with Nathan clearly more invested.

"And all in favor of strawberry?" She continued, raising her hand in the process. Unsurprisingly Maggie raised her hand too but the in addition a last minute participant joined the fray, acting as the swing vote needed to break the tie.

It was official:

Chocolate got two raised hands. And Strawberry also got two raised hands plus a hoof. Nathan looked devastated.

"TRIXIE WHY!?" He asked.

"I'm sorry honey, but Trixie had to do it," she said. To show she meant it she gently patted him on the head, rustling his light brown hair. "I'm more of a strawberry girl myself."

"Well then it looks like we have a winner," Tracey said heading back in kitchen. "It'll be ready in about 20 to 30 minutes."

As a post celebratory gesture Maggie called for Trixie to give her a high five which only served to make Nathan feel more defeated.

"No fair!" Nathan sulked as she crossed his arms.

"Get used to Nate." Jon said giving his son a playful chuck on the shoulder. "This kind of thing is going to be happening a lot around here."

"W-what do you mean, Daddy?" He asked looking distraught.

"Son...in my lifetime I've learned many things," he said after taking a sip of water. "One of them is that woman tend to band together as a team on issues such as this. Trixie's a girl, so with her here us guys are outnumbered three to two. You know what that means?"

"More strawberries!?" Nathan asked in horror.

"Exactly!" Jon answered. Nathan looked over to catch his sister sticking her tongue out at him.

"DADDY! Can't you get a friend from work who is a boy?" He asked desperately. "Like a boy pony who could help us?"

"First of all son they're called colts." Jon corrected. "Second of all that's gonna be a problem?"

"Why?" He asked.

"Because he's never had a colt on his show before," Trixie answered on his behalf. "Every guest your father's had from Equestria have been female....haven't you noticed?"

"We're not allowed to watch Daddy's show." Nathan said.

"Why is that?" She asked, momentarily surprised to see Tracey poke her head back into the room. She was also mixing some ingredients in a bowl with a wooden spoon.

"Because whenever those two watch the show they always seem to pick up a new swear word or two." She said shooting a quick look over at her husband who innocently avoiding eye contact.

"Yes well it's not surprising when you think about it." Trixie continued. "In my world the population is mostly girls."

"Wow, really!?" Maggie asked in astonishment.

"Indeed." She answered. "I believe it's about an 8:1 ratio."

"...Daddy what's a Ray-she-oh?" Maggie asked.

Jon didn't answer, instead he was crunching the numbers in his head based on the couple of times he's been to Equestria. To a certain degree he believed her to be true. Even though he had done so he could hardly recall ever talking with a colt.

"Daddy you need to get boy on your show!" Nathan demanded as he tugged on Jon's arm.

"Ok first of all...for the record not every guest I've had on my show has been a girl." Jon said defensively. "As a matter of fact my very first guest was Spike the Dragon; a boy. And second of all...you guys just gave me a great idea."

Without waiting for anyone to ask he stood up made his way to the stairs.

"Trixie I'm tagging you in." He said patting her on the shoulder. "Keep the kids in line while I make a phone call...think you can handle it."

"Of course," she said with a smug grin. She took a moment to brush the shoulder that Jon had touched. "Better than you could I'd guess."

Ignoring Trixie's remark he quickly gave each of his children a kiss on the cheek before lightly jogging upstairs to his study room. He had an idea of who he wanted on his show next.

Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Jon's simple request

Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Jon's simple request

With a full stomach Jon plopped himself in the armchair located behind the desk of his study. He was tempted to just sit there for awhile but he knew if he did he'd fall asleep. It wasn't that late but he was already starting to feel the effects of his wife's cooking.

Getting back to business he picked up his study phone and began to dial a series of numbers that only he knew. While the phone rang he gently rubbed his stomach and took a deep breath, finally after it seemed like no one would pick up voice finally answered.

"Hello and thank you for calling the Equestrian pizza emporium." Celestia clearly said. "May I take your order?"

Jon paused for a second wondering if his royal friend was being serious or not. If she was trying to pull a prank she was doing it wrong on so many levels.

Clearing his throat he decided then and there to show her how it's done.

"סלסטיה יש תחת גדול ושמן!" Jon said. He was speaking in Hebrew which caused the tone of his voice to change drastically. "והכתר שלה עשוי מפלסטיק!"

"OH! I'm sorry but I believe you have the wrong number." She said sounding very apologetic. "I do apologize for this inconvenience."

"Celestia it's me...Jon." He said, his voice once again to its normality. "And FYI when you make the 'pretend you've called a pizza place’ joke you're supposed to change your voice NOT talk normally."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone but Jon could swear he heard her blush.

"I-I see, well I thank you for your input." She said now sounding more professional. "Now then...did you need my help with something, Jon?"

"Yeah I want to place an order of half peperoni and half mushrooms." Jon teased. "But seriously yes I do need your assistance with-- uh, but first I'd like to perform a little social experiment if I may?"

"Oh, of course," She said. "Sounds rather exciting really."

"Alright just bear with me for a moment," Jon said, thinking about how to phrase his question. "I want...I want you to give me five random names of people you know. It can anyone from a family member to one of your subjects from Ponyville but you can only pick five....and GO!"

"Very well let me think," She responded, pausing for a moment to give it some though. "Alright then...how about: Twilight, Granny Smith, Sapphire Shores, Golden Harvest, and...let's say Nurse Redheart."

"Good, now tell me...what are the genders of those five individuals?" Jon asked. Celestia took a second to recall her answers.

"Hmmmm...they are all female now that you mention it." She answered. She was now starting to see where Jon was going with this line of questioning.

"Exactly my point." Jon said, throwing his feet on his desk.

"And what point would that be?" Celestia ask.

"That 'Equestrian Interviews' has neglected a particular interest group...men." He answered only to stop and think of how odd it sounded. "Huh...this must be how woman feel all time over here...Equestria really is in Bizarro world."

"Well Jon…I will admit that is a problem but do need I remind you that you're the one who picks the guests?" She asked trying to sound not at all abrasive. "Besides you're first guest was spike...I'll admit I may not be an expert on Dragon anatomy but I am certain he is male."

"Ok it's true that I'm the one who picks the guest but you got to admit the odds are pretty stacked against me." Jon said picking up the list of names Celestia had given to him when they first met. "I mean I'm willing to bet that there are way more woman than men written available to me...I'd guess about an 8:1 ratio?"

"Hmmm...yes that does seem about right." Celestia humbly admitted.

“You see my point then? My show has become the opposite of a sausage fest.” Jon said. "Oh and as far as Spike goes…he’s great...but if I had a choice I'd also like a male guest who's already hit puberty."

"Well you do have a choice," She said cheerfully. "And if you really need a man in your life that badly I'll be happy to assist you."

"Thanks?" Jon said. "But uh...yeah for my next guest I'd like someone who is...a real man...you know?"

"I see...and what exactly is your definition of a 'real man.'" Celestia asked before taking a sip of her tea.

"Well let's see," he said. "Big, strong, has a penis...you know the basics." Jon didn't hear it but Celestia almost choked on her beverage."

"I...I see." Celestia said taking a deep breath. "Well luckily for you I have the perfect candidate."

"Really?" Jon asked.

"Oh indeed!" She said with a slight grin. "His name is Big Mac...Applejack's older brother. I believe you'll find he possesses all the...qualifications you mentioned earlier."

Ordinarily Jon would have blindly accepted her suggestion without a second thought but this time he knew better. The thought of interviewing Big Mac gave him chills.

"Nice try your royal Highness!" Jon said. "But I've talked to him before...if possible I'd like a guest who'll say more than two words."

"Yes I suppose that would be in your best interest." Celestia said, sounding almost disappointing. "I guess that rules out Snowflake as well."

"Beg pardon?" He asked.

"Oh, never mind; just a thought." She responded.

"Look...If you could find me someone who's big and strong like Big Mac but who's also a bit of a loud mouth that would be perfect." Jon joked not expecting she'd take it seriously.

"Well...actually there is somepony like that," She answered honestly. "Yes I believe I know the perfect guest for you!"

"Is that right?" He said in a suspicious tone.

"Yes indeed, we've actually spoken about him before...do you remember Iron Will?" She asked.

"Vaguely." He answered. "Isn't he a minotaur?"

"Yes he is but he's also a motivational speaker." She answered. "I would imagine you'd be hard pressed to find another man who talks as much as he does."

"Sounds good to me!" Jon said, standing up. "Can I ask him in person...I've never met a Minotaur before."

"Unfortunately that won't be an option this time." Celestia said. "You see he makes his living going from place to place so it's difficult to pin point where exactly he is at any given time."

"Oh I see." He said sitting back down.

"But not to worry I'll use a spell to locate him myself and have him in your studio by morning." She added.

"And if he says ‘no?’" Jon asked trying to cover all his basses.

"Oh I don't that's going to happen." She assured him.

"Why is that?" He asked.

"Because if I know him as well as I think I do he'll just be dying for the chance to appear on TV." Celestia answered.

Taking her word for it Jon agreed to the arrangement and after saying their goodbyes hung up the phone. With a tired yawn he made his way to the door where he stopped briefly to look over at his small book shelf.

Fueled by curiosity he walked over to grab his book of mythical creatures that he had on hand. A few turned pages later he was once again looking at the passage for Minotaurs. Looking back at him was the same frightening image of a half man half bull creatures wielding an axe.

"Yeesh," Jon said to himself. "I hope he's friendly."

Episode 12 [Iron Will]: Please welcome to the show Iron Will

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Iron Will
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

On the day of the show, that would feature Iron Will as a guest, Jon found himself reminiscent of his very first Equestrian Interview with Spike.

On the paper to two had a lot in common: Both where mythical creatures, both were male, both were non-ponies, and both had seemingly uninteresting occupations. But most importantly Jon had no idea what food to put in their gift baskets.

Like before, Jon pondered as to what exactly constitutes a proper meal for a Minotaur and if they had any dietary restrictions. He was part bull yes but if the book he read on fantasy monsters was any indication he was also human. Last time he let something like this pass without a second thought his personal assistant lost her necklace but with Iron will the consequences had the potential to be so much worse.

In the end he just had his interns, who were stuck between grass and the discarded corpses of his defeated enemies, figure it out.

The first two segments of show went smoothly with very little problems or mishaps...at least on stage. In the back however the stagehands were having trouble dealing with the guest of the night. He wasn't causing trouble but rather was getting anxious for his debut.

For the convenience of those who were scheduled to appear there was a monitor in the waiting room so they could see the entire show up to their appearance. It only made him more anxious.

As the crowd's deafening cheers escalated in anticipation the camera switched gears from its last commercial break to a quick zoom in on Jon who was distracting himself by twirling his notes against the smooth surface of his desk. When he looked up at the incoming camera two of his notes flew from his grasp and onto the floor.

Jon looked over to see them one last time before speaking.

"Welcome to the Daily Show my guest tonight!" He said over the crowd. "A Minotaur and motivational speaker who travels all over Equestria giving advice on how to be more assertive." Directing the fans attention Jon proceeded to point to the incoming video.

"I bet he's a real nice guy in person," Jon said with a hopeful smile. "Please welcome to the show, Iron Will!"

The crowd began to cheer as the camera switched to the left to show the backstage entrance. At first someone did appear but it wasn't Iron Will but instead a goat. It briefly popped its head out to have a look around before disappearing back into the dark.

Jon was about to go investigate when the actual scheduled guest finally made his appearance. With a powerful leap a tall creature made its way to the center of the stage, striking a pose in the process; it was Iron will himself being followed by five goats ranging from black, white and various shades of middle grey.

Just as he predicted Iron Will had the head of a bull and the body of a human, though it's worth noting that he was part bull from the waist down, and was covered with blue fur.

Both he and his goats were also wearing some accessories. The goats looked like secret service members with their neckties, and tiny headsets while Iron Will himself had roughly the same outfit but with a pair of sunglasses which he used to counter the many flashes of light from cameras.

Instead of walking across the stage he instead took giant steps by way of flexing for the audience. Jon met him half way where he hesitantly offered to shake his hand. The Minotaur stopped posing for a moment to oblige him with a powerful hand shake and a hardy slap on the back; then it was right back to flexing.

This brief moment of interaction left Jon with an idea of just how big his guest was. Though he was large Iron Will was around Jon's height but his horns and muscles created the illusion that he was taller.

After a small amount of time passed Iron Will took his seat at the desk with Jon who was ready to begin. For the first time in an episode of "Equestrian Interviews" a guest actually sat down in the chair normally, as opposed to needed a boost or using a cloud.

After the crowd's cheers began to die down the interview officially began, but not before Jon self-consciously adjusting the height of his swivel chair to look even taller by comparison.

"Nice crowd you got here." Iron Will said giving them one last quick pose.

"Oh yeah they're great...but you...Y-you know I-- just once I wish I'd have a guest from Equestria...who wears pants." Jon joked to set the mood. "Seriously I'm not sure if we should put a sensor bar on you or not."

The Joke went over well with everyone in the room, but the goats, having a quick laugh.

"Thank you for joining us here today Iron Will," he continued. "You know uh, we don't normally get you Minotaur types here on the show."

"Oh really? And why might that be Jon?" Iron Will asked clearly willing to play along. "You afraid of us or something!"

"Not, not at all! I love your kind," Jon said switching now to an aristocratic voice. "I just wouldn't want my daughter marrying one of your kind."

Both shared a laugh with Iron Will using much more volume in his voice.

"But really it's great to have you here," Jon said shaking his powerful hand once again. "Also this is very interesting for the show because this-- you are the third non-pony I've gotten to interview from Equestria and--"

"Oh is that right?" Iron Will interrupted.

"I--yes, yes it is." Jon added. "Which is great because I think...if I interview seven more I win a free sub."

Iron Will laughed with the audience while at the same time slamming his hand against the desk.

"So Will...by the way can I call you will?" Jon asked while extending his arm forward. "So will, I wa-want to ask...uh who-- what's with the goats?"

"Oh them?" Iron Will, said looking behind. "They're just Iron Will's stagehands what help me from show to show, but right now their acting as sort of my body guards in this new world."

Jon didn't answer right away but instead stared at his guest, which earned him a slight chuckle form the audience.

"...I would think you'd be the last person who needs a body guard," Jon said, motioning to his muscles. "You know cause...for a second I thought they were like...you're groupies or something."

"HA! Trust me Jon someone like me..." He said pausing to flex his arms. "Could get somepony much better looking than them."

Jon peaked over to see if Iron Will’s claims would get a reaction out of his followers but they instead just stayed in place, occasionally tilting their head to look around.

"It's like Iron Will always says," he continued, his voice rising in volume. "'If you want the ladies to check you out, all you need to do is flex and shout!'" To show he meant business during his rant Iron Will leaned over to get closer to Jon.

"Ok I'm going to stop you right there," Jon said, still reeling from being yelled at. "If you're thing is rhyming I should warn you we already had a guest who did that. A young lady by the name of Zecora and she's waaaay better than you."

"No need to worry Jon!" Iron will said too much enthusiasm. "Iron Will's words of wisdom are but a smaaaall part of Iron Will's program!"

"Speaking of your program," Jon said making a gesture with his hands on the desk. "It, it involves...it's where you go from...uh, town to town advertising your services, correct?"

"That's right!" Iron will said, pointing at Jon with both hands. "Looking for something to fill the void in your otherwise dull, dull lives? If so come look me up! Or as it says on some of my leaflets: ‘Looking for a thrill? Come and learn from Iron Will!'"

For reasons that escaped Jon the audience began to cheer at Iron Will, almost as if they were trying to match his own level of intensity.

"Could you explain what exactly it is you teach in these different towns?" Jon asked. "What do you-- what exactly does your program entail?"

"Well Jon my program, which I advise you all look into, are lessons on how to be the very best 'you' you can be!" He said, addressing more the audience than Jon. "For years I've been going place to place all over Equestria teaching ponies the skills needed to more assertive, through workshops and day to day lessons."

To emphasize his point he flexed at the audience, earning him frightened looks.

"Do you teach them through common household chores, Mr. Miyagi style?" Jon asked now throwing is hands up in a comedic stance. "Are you out there just going lik; 'Pony-san, paint the fence?'"

"Well I don't know who this Miyagi is but we aint having them paint no fence." Iron Will answered. "When I'm up there my goal is to get them to be true alpha males...you know to be more like me."

"And when you say more like you," Jon said hesitantly. "I'm guessing you mean--"

"I mean more like this!" Iron Will said now standing up and looking straight ahead. "HEY CAMERA GUY, GET A CLOSE UP OF ME RIGHT NOW OR ELSE YOU'LL FIND YOURSELF IN A WORLD OF PAAAAAAIN!"

Immediately the cameraman who was the closest made the necessary adjustments needed to zoom in on Iron Will, giving him exactly what he demanded. He would have ordered a close up that got his good side but he felt it wasn't necessary; since to him every side of him was his 'good side.'

"Now then...since I have your attention I would like to briefly talk to the audience, if I may. I'm going to list a few key words and I want you all to raise your hand if any of them accurately describes you." Iron Will continued, stopping to clear his throat. "Weak, pushover, cowardly, frail, powerless, flimsy...now if any of you raised your hands at any point then I suggest you enroll in one of my 'POWER CLASSES'...patent pending...where I will teach you the secret techniques to stop being a loser and start being a bruiser!"

"How...interesting," Jon said from off camera. "Hey can I--"

"For example! In one of my 'Power Classes' you get to learn you're ABC's!" Iron Will interrupted. "But these aren't your Grandma's alphabets OH NO! With Iron Will you'll learn how to be Aggressive, Bold, and Confident."

Standing up Iron Will took a step forward in the direction of the audience.

"And that is Iron Will's ABC's!" He added. "Common folks! Say it with me! Aggressive, Bold and Confident!"

In an act of showmanship Iron leaned forward and placed his open hand behind his ear so he could hear the audience better. When no one responded he began to flare his nostrils in anger.

"I said...SAY IT WITH ME!" He yelled in a way so everyone could hear him.

"Aggressive, bold, and confident!" The audience yelled back in almost perfect unison.

Satisfied by their participation Iron Will sat back down and the show went back it its original wide angle view to get both the quest and host in the same shot. To try and make light of the situation Jon was hiding under his desk, intimately peaking up to see if it was a safe like a groundhog checking its shadow.

The crowd found it humorous but Jon's now aching back told him it was a bad idea.

"Is it over?" Jon asked after sitting back down.

"And that is just lesson one of my assertiveness class," Iron will continued. "In lesson two I really delve into the idea of--"

"Alright, alright we get the idea!" Jon insisted as he lunged over like he was trying to grab any more words from escaping his guest's mouth.

"HA! Sorry Jon but Iron Will can't help it!" He confessed as he once again leaned forward to yell in Jon's face. "It's just the way Iron Will is!"

"Ok two things," Jon said waiting a second for the audience to stop chuckling. "One: why do you...feel the need to go around...and,and,and teach people to be more domineering....and two..."

Instead of finishing his thought Jon reached into the inside of his sports jacket, eventually finding what he was looking for in one of his pockets.

"...you need of one these." He added, offering Iron Will some of his breath mints.

For the first time in his life Iron Will felt an audience turn on him; instead of submissive complacency they were now laughing at his expense. It might have been a humbling experience were it not for his massive ego which would not allow it.

After shooting the audience an intimidating look, which did very little in stopping their laughter, Iron Will continued to address his human friend from across the table.

"To answer your first question Jon," He said giving the audience one last look. "The reason why Iron Will does all of this for a living is because the good folks over in Equestria could use a little toughening up...I don't know if you've noticed but the ponies back home...well they're not exactly the rugged type."

"I know exactly what you mean." Jon said nodding in agreement. "I mean all these ponies walking around with their rainbows, heart shapes everywhere...purple hair, and pink bodies...why one could almost get away with saying they're rather...effeminate."

"Tell me Jon!" Iron Will demanded as he slammed both fists on the table. "Do you humans have your own version of wimpy ponies in your world?"

"Yes we do," Jon answered. "They're called the British."

"Hmmm good to know!" Iron Will, thought out loud while the crowd laughed. "But tell me this...are there a group of humans who are...JUST LIKE ME!" To further perpetuate his point he made sure to yell as loudly as he could while showing off a variety of poses.

"...Yeah," Jon said, nodding somewhat dishearteningly. "...Americans."

By just mentioning the country alone the audience began cheering with a few of them trying to initiate a "USA" chant, though it never got past a few people.

"Even...even thought it would seem our two worlds...are similar in many aspects are there--do you find yourself a little out of your element?" Jon asked. "I'm guessing you're more used to talking to ponies instead of--"

"Well...it is very different," Iron Will admitted. "Iron Will has never been in front of a human audience before...nothing in my life has trained me for this which, I suppose, just makes that more impressive that I, Iron Will, am so darn good at it!"

Like a boxer taking a victory swig Iron Will then proceeded to finish off the remaining water from his complimentary "Daily Show" mug.

"How bout you, Jon?" He asked, oddly taking attention away from himself. "Have you ever had to perform outside of what your're used to?"

"You mean have I ever done comedy in front of an audience of ponies?" Jon ascertained.

"Yeah, have you?" Iron Will pressed. "From what I hear you've spent some time in Equestria."

"No I haven't and I don't think I'll be doing that any time soon. I mean I don't...I don't think it'd be very pleasant," Jon continued. "As a comedian I've dealt with hecklers...before in my life...but being heckled by something that can control the weather or casts spells...no thanks."

Both the crowd and Iron Will laughed at Jon's whimsical assertions, which gave him just enough time to think of a new joke to try out.

"Although now that I think about it this makes for some pretty good material." He added. Before continuing he changed his voice to that of a bad Russian accent to try and imitate Yakov Smirnoff. "In America you throw rotten tomatoes at comic...but in Equestria they use magic to turn you into rotten tomato!"

Even though the cultural references we're lost on him, Iron Will still found himself laughing at Jon's comical impressions.

"Well I'll tell you this, brother!" Iron Will said. "If you do find yourself in front of a pony audience here's my advice...get yourself some goats."

Leaning to the side Jon caught a quick glance at Iron Will's followers who were still standing around, looking in pointless directions.

"Yeeaah well...thanks but again I don't think it'll ever come to that," Jon said offhandedly. "Besides here in the entertainment industry we have our own legion of mindless drones that'll do whatever we say...we call them 'interns.'"

The ones who found the joke the most humorous was the interns themselves since they knew it was true.

"So you...uh, tell how all of this began," Jon said trying to turn the attention back on his guest. "Tell us how you began your career as a motivational speaker...give us your back story."

"Jon...I'm glad you asked that," Iron Will said with a devious smile. "Because you and anypony else can now know everything there is to know about Iron Will by simply purchasing my new 'tell-all' book!"

Signaling for assistance my snapping his fingers caused one of this decked out goats to hand him a hefty book which he promptly slammed on the table, almost causing Jon's mug of water to spill over.

"Right here is Iron Will's first official published book entitled 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,'" he continued. "In this book you the consumer will have the chance to learn my techniques on life while at the same time getting to know a little about yours truly and how Iron Will got to where he is today! Go ahead Jon give it a look."

Jon wasn't at all eager to pick it up. Not because he had any qualms about its content but because there was a thin layer of drool on the spine from where the goat assistant had passed it via its mouth.

"This is...impressive." Jon said, hesitantly picking up the large book. "So...so,so,so is it more of a book biography or a kind of self-help book?"

"It's both if ya think about it! In this book Iron Will uses examples from Iron Will's life to show how even the wimpiest of ponies can be strong and fearless!" He answered. "For example, in chapter three Iron Will tells the readers tips on how to not get pushed around by strangers in public...for example...let's say somepony bumps into you and doesn't say 'excuse me'...what do you do?"

"Well..." Jon said taking a moment to think. "Since it was an accident I'd probably just let them go about their business but if it was intentional I'd use my words and calmly explain to them how--

"WRONG ANSWER...words are for nerds!" Iron Will yelled. "When someone bumps into you then you get in their face and bump them right back! Iron Will tip number 57: "If somepony tries to push you around, grab them back and knock em to the ground!"

Never before had Jon hoped that his kids weren't watching his show.

"Another example!" Iron Will continued. "Let's say somepony is standing in the middle of the hallway and refuses to let you pass. What do you do?"

"I'm guessing the answer isn't to walk around him?" Jon asked.

"Tip number 45," Iron Will said. "Get out of my way or I'll make you pay!"

During his explanation Jon was multitasking by skimming the pages of his book till he came upon a chapter that caught his attention.

"Soooo about this section," Jon said, pointing to page in the book. "This chapter is called 'Origin story,' what's that about?"

"Oh that? That's just the story of how Iron Will first discovered who Iron Will was meant to be." He answered looking somewhat nostalgic. "You see it all started back when I was in school...it was in the first grade and I just finished taking a math test. When I went to have my teacher grade it she gave me an 'F.' When I asked to her to let me retake it she said 'no' but that didn't stop me...Iron Will remembers it clear as day. Iron Will looked her in the eyes and said, 'Give me a bad score, this means war!' And ever since then I've devoted my life to helping others."

As much as Jon would have loved to pick his story apart bit by bit he felt it would have been in poor taste. That and the interview was almost over.

"That...was a very touching story." Jon said in an unconvincing tone. "Thank you for sharing with us."

"No problem little man!" Iron Will said. "But Iron Will's career hasn't been all success and fortune...there have been some hard times as well."

"Is that-- what kinds of hardships did you face?" Jon asked.

"Well for example Iron Will's very first official performance didn't turn out so well." He admitted.

"Why? What, uh, what happened?" Jon asked.

"Well this is what happened...Iron Will had finally gotten permission to set up his stage in the park of this one town." He explained. "It was to be Iron Will's first time addressing the masses. Everything from the lighting to the pyrotechnics was in place and Iron Will even had some posters for the goats to put all around town...but when the time came for Iron Will to do his thing--"

"Let me guess," Jon interrupted, "Low audience turn-out?"

"Worse actually," Iron Will corrected. "Nopony showed up."

Iron Will chuckled at his own past misfortunes which made Jon feel better for laughing so hard at his story.

"Wh-wh-what happened!?" Jon asked. "I mean...uh, uh, how--"

"Well remember when Iron Will said the goats were in charge of putting posters all around town? That was the first mistake." He explained. "Turns out while I wasn't looking they ate them all."

At that point Jon had just calmed down from his last onslaught of laughter when another one came causing the host to spin to the side of his desk to laugh to himself.

"And that...is when Iron Will learned to never have the goats do anything that requires average level intelligence." He said causing his coats to slump their head in shame. Once Jon had regained his composure he was right back to asking questions.

"So...so I noticed...I noticed that you uh, you said you needed permission before you had the chance-- before you could do your performance." Jon ventured. "Who did you need permission from? Was it like...you had some legal issues or, or, or, like what was it?"

"Oh no you see for Iron Will to perform in a town he first needs to either get permission from city hall or a special kind of license that allows for a stage." Iron Will explained. "Some towns are harder to get into than others but for the most part they don't like Iron Will's style of performance...something bout being too loud and disturbing the peace or something."

"Yeah I can see where they're coming from." Jon said with a straight face. "Seriously the last time you addressed my audience I think a car alarm or two went off."

In Jon's experience setting up a joke that involved the crowd was a quick and easy way of getting some laughs and this time was no different.

"Now I've come to learn that you've also spent time in Ponyville," Jon contained. "I've uh, actually been there a few times myself, lively place great uh, great people...but did you, uh did you have any problems performing their or like…was getting a zoning permit just as bad as other places?"

"Not all at all, Jon." Iron Will said rather proudly. "Getting into Ponyville was a piece of cake! Iron Will didn't even need to sign papers or nothing?"

"Is that so?" Jon asked.

"You betcha," Iron Will added. "And it's all cause Mayor Mare...she handled all the technical stuff and told Iron Will to set up wherever he wanted."

"Oh wow how nice?" Jon said. "Why did she go to such great lengths to have you?"

"Oh don't you know? Iron Will and Mayor Mare are good friends...we go waaaay back." He explained. "When Iron Will was younger he attended school to learn the art of talking in front of a crowd. At one point Iron Will took a public speaking class and that's where Iron Will met Mayor Mare...she was studying to be a politician and we really hit it off...so when she found out that Iron Will was trying to set up a show in her town she was more than happy to accommodate...afterwards we even met up to talk about the good ole' days."

"Oh well congratulations," Jon conveyed by doing a slow applause. "You know I had her on the show before and she was just...a delight to have."

"Iron Will saw that interview actually," he confessed. "Iron Will remembers thinking at the time how much good if would do for me if Iron Will got to be on your show too...I mean if she can hijack your show why can't Iron Will!?

"Oh I...uh I see?" Jon said as he thought back on how she indeed turned the interview into her own personal ad campaign at one point. "I would...I would love to hear more about how you two were friends."

"Well actually you can!" Iron Will exclaimed as he pointed to his own book. "All you need to do is go to fifty four where Iron Will talks about his life in school!"

Taking his suggestion seriously Jon turned to where the chapter would have been only to quickly double take back and forth between pages. His look on concussion caught Iron Will's attention.

"Something the matter?" He asked.

"Yeeeaaah there is," Jon answered as he continued to shuffle through page after page. "You seem to be missing some pages."

"WHAT!?" Iron Will screamed as he ripped the book from Jon's hands.

After looking at it intensely he made a shocking discovery.

"What a minute," He said. "Are these...bite marks?"

Turning around he looked at his goats who said nothing and gawked blankly. Iron Will didn't back down but instead narrowed his vision to a grey goat who was trying to look away. After a lengthy and uncomfortable silence the goat in question burped.

"NOT AGAIN!" Iron will screamed

Everyone in attendance began to laugh, even Jon who finished much sooner than they did. To keep things going he called out for Iron Will to sit back down so they could finish.

"Iron Will it's been great having you here today!" He yelled over the crowd, standing up to gesture for a handshake. "Thank you very much for being here and sharing with us your life experiences."

"Hey no problem!" Iron Will responded while still keeping a watchful eye on his goat assistant.

"And I think if we've learned anything here today it's this," Jon summed up. "If you scream loud enough you can have whatever you want."

"Now you're getting it!" He said as he shook Jon's hand.

"Again thanks for being here," Jon added. "The book is 'Putting your hoof down: How Iron Will used intimidation as motivation,' it's on the bookshelves now. Iron Will everyone; we'll be right back!"

The crowd stood and cheered as Jon leaned in to whisper something in Iron Will's ear. The camera panned away at an average speed to get a final shot of the stage where Iron Will was now striking some more poses, with Jon clumsily imitating for comedic effect. Soon the 'Daily Show' logo appeared on the screen for those watching at home and disappeared with the cheering of the crowd fading in favor of another commercial break.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: A night on the town

Historically speaking November and December were a very busy time for Jon Stewart. This year brought another election season and with it a slew of stories to cover, pundits to make fun of, and the Photoshopping of politicians on underwear models. Standard affair for the Daily Show just at a much more intense level.

But now Jon was granted an entire week away from work for the holidays; away from the social constraints of his Job and fully free to do whatever he wanted.

But for all the social interaction and gallivanting that were available to him he still opted to stay in for the most part. And with the passing of Thanksgiving the extended family that he had avoided all year long were now back in their own little corners of the world.

In addition he didn't have to think about work (least for another couple of days) so he promised himself he wouldn't call Celestia to set up any interview slots.

No, right now all he wanted to was stay indoors and spend time with his family, which he was doing almost excessively.

It was on this Saturday night that Jon reflected on how tranquil his life was as of late. The entire Stewart family had congregated to the living room where he and his wife were sitting on the cough side by side with a cup of tea in his right hand and his left arm around Tracey's shoulder. They had bundled themselves up in a large blanket and were content in just sitting quietly enjoying each other’s company

His two children on the other hand were instead rolling around on the floor, playing happily with Trixie. Nathan had brought out his Lego set and challenged his sister and babysitter to see who could build a skyscraper the fastest. He was confident that he we would win since Maggie was younger than him and Trixie (lacking in any fingers) wouldn't have the dexterity needed to even get started. In the end he still came in third place.

"Yay!" Maggie said, throwing her hands in the air. "I win!"

"So...what shall we play next?" Trixie asked as she used her magic to neatly set their Lego creations aside.

"OH OH I KNOW!" Nathan announced. "Pony tipping! Pony tipping!"

"Yeah me too!" Maggie chimed in. "Pony tipping! Pony tipping!"

Trixie's once gentle smile disappeared as she took a breath and exhaled a tired sigh of dread.

"Now kids are you sure there isn't something else you want to play?" She suggested in the hopes that they'd change their minds. "I mean wouldn't you rather play a nice game of--"

"NO!" Maggie shouted for all to hear. "We want Pony tipping! Pony tipping! Pony tipping!"

The two kids continued their chant with Jon stealthily waiting for an opening to help settle matters.

"Do I get a vote?" Jon asked, raising his hand. "I vote pony tipping...pony tipping, pony tipping!"

Tracey found it funny that her family was so willing to give Trixie a hard time. She laughed which caused the wayward pony to look in her direction.

"Tracey could you please talk some sense into these three?" She asked motioning to her husband and kids.

"Alright guys enough with the teasing," She said, much to Trixie's delight. "You three are being immature, and mean, and pony tipping, pony tipping!"

At a four to one standoff Trixie gave up whatever sense of dignity she had left. The family's chanting soon turned to cheers as she lightly strolled over to the center of the room to prepare herself. Standing ramrod stiff and on all four hooves she locked her knees in place and straightened her body out.

Seeing this caused both kids to hastily run up to her, almost tripping in the process. Nathan was the first to reach her and such got the first round. He carefully placed both his hands flat on the side of her stomach and gently pushed her forward causing to her fall on her side with a grunting noise.

Seeing her fall over and hearing her squawk as she made contact with the floor caused both of them to enter a state of frantic giggles. Maggie decided it was now her turn so with all her strength she lifted Trixie's dead weight body back into a standing position only to push her back down. Then it was Nathan's turn again.

This pattern repeated a few more times, much to their enjoyment, as the two parents watched.

Jon took a deep relaxing sigh; he was in such a state of zen that he momentarily forgot where he was. He listened to the beauty that was the sound of his children laughing and he could feel the warmth of his beloved wife under his arm. Pulling her even closer he took a sip of his tea and watched as his kids continued to play with Trixie.

Life was good.

Jon wasn't the only one who seemed to be in a state of relaxed euphoria. His wife Tracey was also enjoying the tranquility that was her time alone with her family which, to her, also included Trixie. She watched as her two kids played with the blue unicorn and laughed at their carefree antics.

Had this been about a a weeks ago she would have felt uneasy about the three of them being so close since for all of her good qualities she was still a potentially dangerous creature. But nowadays Tracey found herself quite enamored with Trixie, mostly because she showed nothing but love and respect for the rest of the family. Though she still acted somewhat coldly towards Jon when she could.

But her very presence also served as a poignant reminder of how she used to treat her poorly when they first met. To that end she tried her best to make her feel more at home by buying her accessories for her room, engaging her in friendly conversations, and allowing her access to the dinner table. She even permitted more liberal use of her magic around the house, though she was still required to wear a safety cork on her horn.

Feeling placid she slumped her head against her husband's shoulder and closed her eyes. Jon did the same but soon the sound of laughter caused the both of them to look onward, their seemingly detached state all at once broken.

During their play session Maggie took the opportunity to rough house a bit by jumping at Trixie like she was trying to tackle her. The plan backfired however since she ended up just sitting atop her like she was a mounted horse. This minor setback didn't deter her from having fun.

"Giddy up!" She demanded. With a smile and tired sigh Trixie began to gallop around the room.

Tracey saw this and felt her maternal instincts kick in.

"Maggie honey, get off of Trixie!" She said. "You'll hurt her!" Her being more concerned with Trixie's safety than her own daughter's was proof enough that Tracey had accepted Trixie as a member of the family.

"No need to worry, Tracey," Trixie demonstrated by strutting around with very little effort. "As you can see young Maggie here is very light in weight and the perfect size for a good ol' fashion 'ponyback ride.'"

She continued to trot around with Maggie wrapping her arms around Trixie's neck, both for balance and as a loving embrace. In truth Trixie struggled slightly to hold her up though she would never admit it.

Nathan saw this and felt jealous; he wanted in.

"ME NEXT, ME NEXT!" He shouted!

To save Trixie the time and effort of explaining to him Jon decided to step in and play the bad guy for the moment.

"Yeah I don't think that's a very good idea, Nate." Jon said as he put a hand on his shoulder. "Your sister is small enough to do that but I think you might break poor Trixie's back."

Jon wasn't too far off in his assumptions. Both Stewart children were around Trixie's height with Maggie being slightly shorter and Nathan slightly taller. Though since he was older he weighed a bit more, something which Jon decided to tease him a bit for.

"Maybe if you didn't eat so much chocolate it'd be a different story," He added.

"HEY!" Nathan exclaimed getting a few laughs at his expense. To help him feel more at ease Trixie approached him and give him a gentle stroke of his already messy hair.

A silence fell on the living room and was soon broken by the two children.

"Let's watch a movie!" Nathan said now having forgotten about his being denied a ride.

"Yeah let's watch a movie, Daddy!" Maggie yelled in agreement. Getting up Jon stretched his back and ran a hand through his greying hair.

"Yeah, sure why not!" Jon said. "It's been awhile since we've had the whole family sit down for a movie night."

"Movie huh?" Trixie said looking somewhat confused.

"Please tell me you know what that is," Jon said with judging eyes. "I mean I know your world basically takes place in the middle-ages but you guys must have some form of cinema." Flipping her hair back Trixie answered in her usual smug tone.

"Of course we do, Stewart!" She said. "I was just taken aback is all...I've been all over your house and I have yet to see a film projector."

It was now Nathan and Maggie who had confused looks on their face with, Jon laughing to himself and shaking his head.

"Oh Trixie...oh sweet, naive, Trixie,“ He said as he walked over to the flat screen on the wall. "We have so much to teach you."

The annoyed looking Unicorn watched as Jon picked up a random DVD case from the wide selection on the wall. Opening it he pulled out a round flat disc which briefly reflected a ray of light in her face.

"Welcome to the 21st century." Jon added.

Carefully approaching Trixie tilted her head as she examined the shiny object before her.

"What is this thing?" She asked.

Before answering her question he placed his hand on the nearby Blu-Ray player.

"Ok first of all this is called a 'DVD player'...you see in our world this acts as our version of a film projector." Jon explained.

Trixie seemed stunned by this new information. The slender black box was about one fourth the size of the best model projector that she had ever seen.

"And this," he said dangling the disc over her head. "Is what we use instead of a film reel." Trixie looked as if she had just witnessed an explosion. This new world did indeed of have unique mechanics that were beyond her understanding but this seemed almost an impossible concept to her.

"Geez you're worse than my mother!" Jon laughed, causing his children to do the same. Even thought it was all in good jest Trixie didn't enjoy being teased.

"HMPH! Well you all go ahead and enjoy your movie." Trixie said as she made her way to the stairs. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has better things to do."

She slowly made her way to the stairs only to stop once the children cried out to her.

"Awwww you're not staying!?" Maggie whined.

"Sorry hon but no," Trixie answered. "I promised myself I'd spend the night in my room practicing some spells...If I don't keep off the horn rust nopony else will."

"But you gotta stay!" Maggie added.

"That's right!" Nathan said, backing up his sister. Trixie did a quick 180 to address the children, but before she could say anything Tracey weighed in on her departure.

"Come now Trixie stay in tonight," she said patting the seat next to her on the couch with her hand. "It's movie night...the entire family has to be present for movie night."

Like before Trixie was all ready to defend her decision to stay in for the night when something Tracey said caught her off guard.

"You...you consider me part of the family?" Trixie asked in a soft but clear tone.

"Of course I do, Trixie." She answered. "You're like the sister I never had."

Her words were sincere enough for Trixie to momentarily change her plans but she tried her best to hold back any emotions, like she was playing an intense game of poker. This was the first time in her life that she was part of a family and she loved the feelings; so much so that she didn't correct Tracey by stating that her name was "the Great and Powerful Trixie." She found the title of "Trixie Stewart" to be much more appealing.

"You know...on second thought perhaps Trixie can stay for just a little while," she said, getting cheers of joy from the two children. "I'll just practice my magic afterwards."

She trotted over back in place with Jon trying to wrangle his kids back in a single location and Tracey standing up to make an announcement

"All right gang it's time to pick what movie we're going to watch," she said getting everyone's attention. Upon making her declaration she got conflicting answers from bother her kids; after giving them the signal to quiet down she continued. "Since this is Trixie's first time joining us I suggest she get to choose what we watch."

Everyone agreed though in actual practice it was a difficult decision for Trixie to make. Having never in her life seen any of the DVDs on display her decision ultimately came down to a random selection, with the only thing resembling a conscious decision being which cover art appealed to her more.

While she sat and pondered in front of the display rack next to the TV both Nathan and Maggie joined her to give their opinions on what to choose.

"PICK THAT ONE!" Nathan said pointing to a DVD towards the top of structure.

"NO! PICK THAT ONE!" Maggie countered by pointing to one at the bottom. Ignoring both of them Trixie instead selected one from the center, right in the center of her field of vision.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie chooses...this one!" She said as she used to magic to whisk away the DVD in the air for all to see. From where Jon was standing he could just barely make out the image on the case but he knew all too well what it was.

The image was that of a large hairy best dancing in a ballroom with a woman in a yellow dress; Trixie had selected "Beauty and the Beast," a fan favorite of the Stewart household. As luck would have it everyone was satisfied with her choice.

While everyone got into position Jon popped the disc into the DVD tray and made the necessary adjustments to the TV to get things started. He promptly joined his wife back on the couch and sighed a hefty sigh of relief.

It was going to be a good day.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Let's paint the town red

Whenever the chance presented itself Jon liked to have a movie night with the entire family. In jest he would say he did so because it was the only activity where his two children would actually sit still and be quiet for an extended period of time. While there was some truth in that he mainly just found himself enjoying spending time with those he loved most.

The entire Stewart family, which now included Trixie, spent the next hour and a half watching their desired movie. Both Jon and Tracey continued to sit on the couch while the kids were on the floor, laying on their stomachs liked beached walruses to get a better look.

Surprisingly though Trixie herself didn't sit with the children but instead was sitting on the couch next to Tracey at her behest.

The kids' eyes were glued to the television, watching intently as they always did, but for the adults present in the room this was just a relaxing break from the day to day workload. This didn't stop them however from laughing every now and again at the silly antics of the Lumiere and Cogsworth, or admiring the choreographing of some of the song and dance scenes.

At one point during the movie Trixie herself marveled at the cinematics that was the household characters singing and dancing to the song "Be our guest." She even scoffed at the idea of common house hold items being able to talk; unaware of the irony that was her own anthropomorphism.

For Trixie this wasn't just some mere spur of the moment get together. It meant so much more since at that moment she felt more accepted within the family than ever before. Growing up in the orphanage she dreamed of moments like this, moments where a she would finally enjoy the serenity that was just being together with people as a family, in a place she could call home.

She never dreamed it would be with people of a different species or even in another world entirely but she didn't care. For the first time in years she felt genuinely happy. And she wasn't the only one pleased by this arrangement.

Tracey was very glad that Trixie decided to join; her admiration for the helpful Unicorn grew each day. At regular intervals during the movie she would show her love by reaching over with her right hand and betting Trixie's mane, sometimes even scratching her behind her ear. A leftover reflex from when she owned a dog.

Whenever this happened Trixie's baser animal instincts would kick. Ordinarily she would've disapproved about being touched in such a way since she had a pet peeve of being handled, but in this case she didn't mind. In fact if anything she enjoyed it as evident by her tail wagging whenever it happened.

While on the other side of things, Jon was just happy to be spending time with those he loved, especially since his one week vacation was coming to a close and soon he would have to go back to work. But he didn't want to think about that, all he wanted was to spend time with his wife, kids and good Unicorn friend.

He glanced over at Trixie who looked to be enjoying herself immensely. Her presence, while very much welcomed, served as a reminder that he might want to consider making the first guest to appear on his show, upon his return, an Equestrian. Another thing he didn't want to think about.

To distract himself he looked forward back at the television set just in time to see the portion of the film where Belle and the Beast shared a lovely dinner which lead up the famous dance sequence that usually found its way on the front of display cases and in commercials. It was a lovely scene that still to this day touched audiences worldwide but for Jon it gave him and idea, and idea he chose to unveil later in the evening.

Once the movie ended the once quiet kids predictably turned their attention to Trixie to ask her a slew of questions.

"What part was your favorite!?"

"Is this your first time watching a movie!?"

"Who was your favorite person!?"

"Can we watch it again!?"

One by one the kids asked her questions faster than she could answer. Taking advantage of their distraction Tracey got up and made her way towards the kitchen.

"Alright guys I'm going to get dinner started so go wash up," she said. "It'll be ready in about thirty minutes." Had this been any other night Jon would have left her to cook and his kids in the hands of Trixie while he went upstairs to do some work...but this wasn't any other night.

"Actually Tracey," Jon called out as he made his way up to her. "I've been thinking...why don't we go out for dinner...just you and me?" Stopping in her tracks Tracey looked at Jon like he had just asked her a question in a foreign language.

"Wait...Wh-- Excuse me?" She said sounding very unsure of what she had heard.

"You heard me...dinner." Jon repeated. "Just the two of us...it's been years since we both enjoyed a night on the town, I say why not. It'll be fun."

Admittedly the idea sounded appealing to her. Ever since they started having kids Jon and Tracey haven't had much quality time with just each other. Between work and parenting their social lives were almost nonexistent.

"Well I...Jon, we...we can't do that," she said dishearteningly. "It's a nice thought but...but I mean who's going to watch the k--" Tracey stopped mid-sentence as a realization took over. There still sitting on the couch was Jon's ace the hole; Trixie. Looking back at her husband Tracey saw a quirky smile appear on his face. One of the main advantages of having her around was that she could act as a babysitter, something which Tracey had momentarily forgotten.

"O-oh...OH!" Tracey exclaimed, feeling slightly on the spot. "Oh we couldn't ask her to do that...a-and on such short notice I don't think she'll--"

"Excuse me. I can hear you, you know?" Trixie interrupted as she pointed to her ears. "And for what it's worth I'd be more than willing to look after the kids tonight." Side stepping her husband, Tracey made her way to Trixie who had now leapt onto the floor to be closer to the two kids.

"Are you sure, Trixie?" Tracey asked. "It doesn't seem right asking you like this...especially since you had plans this evening."

"Trust me when I say I can handle things here while you're away," Trixie assured. "You've been working very hard lately, and you do so much for us...you deserve a night off."

Tracey was touched by her words of appreciation. Convinced that she wouldn't change her mind Tracey decided to ask Trixie one last time just.

"Are you sure?" Tracey asked, glancing over at her two children who were pretending not to eavesdrop. "I wouldn't want to-- I mean you did say you wanted to spend the rest of the night studying your magic."

"Positive. While you two are getting ready I'll get dinner started." Trixie answered as she changed the style in her voice to that of her normal tone. "Besides the Great and Powerful Trixie does not need to practice her magic...she already is the most powerful unicorn ever!"

Overwhelmed by Trixie's generous offer Tracey got down on her knees to give the kind hearted Unicorn a loving, if gentle, hug.

"Thank you Trixie," She said holding her close. "You are such a dear you could pass for Bambi's mother."

"...Who?" Trixie asked.

Her perfectly innocent question was met by disbelieving faces. Even Tracey herself jolted herself back to get a look at her face and see if she was kidding...she of course was not.

"Well, I know what we're watching for our next movie night" Jon said breaking the silence. "Common Trace let's get ready." After giving her a helping hand up the two made their way to the stairs. Trixie stayed behind to brief the kids on the situation.

"Oh this is so exciting!" Tracey said in giddy tone. "What should I wear?"

"This is a very special night honey," Jon said as the two made their way up stairs. "I'm going to set us up with a reservation at the best restaurant in the city so dress your best...I'm talking like Emmy awards show best."

"Oh I can't believe we're actually doing this!" She said as she checked the time on her wrist watch. "It's been years since we've gone anywhere without the kids."

"Well tonight, baby you've earned it," he said. The two reached the top the stairs where they stole a quick kiss before separating to different rooms. "You go get dressed; I'll let the restaurant know we're on the way." Still overpowered by anticipation Tracey raced down the hallway while Jon retreated to the comfort of his study to get changed and make the phone calls necessary for a reservation.

An hour had almost passed and everyone was ready to go except for one holdout. The person who orchestrated the evening's agenda, Jon himself, was still up in his study. To investigate why this was Trixie, as instructed by Tracey, went upstairs to see how he was doing.

She was a few feet away from Jon's study when a faint voice called out.

"Come in." Jon said preemptively granting her permission to enter even though she never knocked or asked in advance. Jon could always tell when Trixie was around the corner, the fact that she walked on four legs meant she gave off very distinctive footsteps.

Trixie entered to see a very elegant looking Jon Stewart. He was wearing a tuxedo and his hair, though not quite as good as on TV, was neatly done. This contrasted heavily which how he was positioned on his desk. He was slumped over his hands pressed up against his forehead with his fingers combing through his grey hair. Instead of enthusiasm, anguish seemed to leak out of every pore of his body.

He dressed like a million bucks but his face gave the impression that he had just lost all his money.

"Stewart?" Trixie said. "Is something the matter?"

"Yeah you could say that," Jon said with a heavy sigh. "The restaurants booked."

"Excuse me?" She said, rounding Jon's desk to be by his side.

"The restaurant I wanted to take Tracey to has a wait-list that's completely filled up," he answered. "They have been for the past month...they won't let us in."

"Oh that's...unfortunate." Trixie said trying and failing to sound understanding. "Well I'm sure there's another restaurant or two that have--"

"I checked," Jon interrupted. "And no...they don't."

Jon went on to explain how all the usual New York hotspots for quality dinner dates were either booked for the next few months or too busy to accommodate for the night.

"Oh poor Tracey...and she was so looking forward to this" Trixie said unintentionally rubbing salt into the wound. "She's down stairs and asked me to come up to see what was going on."

"Aw, she's already dressed up and ready to go?" Jon asked getting a quick nod of the head as an answer. "Oh please tell me she looks like a big pile of crap right now."

"Actually she's wearing her good jewelry, ruby red lipstick, and a flowing black dress." Trixie answered painting a picture of a lovely looking Tracey. "She looks quite beautiful."

"Dammit!" he said. "She's going to be so disappointed."

The two said nothing afterwards. Jon just sat in his chair thinking of what his next move would be while Trixie stood by awkwardly now knowing what to say. Though she seemed aloof she did want desperately to help Jon, but when it came to relationship advice she knew almost nothing.

She was just about to head down stairs and stall for time by telling Tracey some white lie when an idea came to mind. It was a long shot but it was the only idea she had that was worthwhile.

"You know Stewart, I'm sure a human such as yourself has a multitude of connections." Trixie said. "Connections that could get you into any restaurant you'd like."

"Trixie I'm a comedian not a politician, I don't think having Jim Carry in my Rolodex is going to get me into the 'Capsouto Frères' any time soon." Jon said. "I'm just going to have to tell Tracey that tonight's plans are off...but thanks anyway."

Rather than explaining her plan Trixie proceeded to rummage through one of Jon's desk drawers, again without permission. She buried her head inside and eventually returned with what she needed to get her point across.

"Look Stewart it's none of my business but if I we're you I might want to rethink that for a second." She said sliding him a few pieces of loose paper.

Jon looked down at what Trixie had passed to him. It was his list of pony names that he received from Celestia months ago, some of the names were crossed out while others had footnotes to the side of them. All at once the wheels in Jon's head began to turn as he suddenly realized what Trixie was trying to tell him.

"Ooooh...that! I see what you're saying!" Jon said. He grabbed the papers hastily as if they were about to fly away "...That's good...that's really good...Trixie you're a--"

"Genius?" Trixie guessed as she nonchalantly admired her hoof. "Of course I am."

As if his body was on autopilot Jon reached for the black phone that was located at the edge of his desk and began to dial a series of numbers that only he knew. Trixie, not wanting her cover to be blown, stayed quite but also stayed within close proximity to hear the impending conversation.

This was Jon's last hope.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Welcome to Equestria Ms. McShane

Jon could hear the phone ringing from the other end and never before had Jon hoped that the person he was trying to contact would answer. He was nervous that perhaps what he would request would fall on deaf ears even though history had shown that the person he was calling was very reliable.

A voice did eventually answer and as it did Jon gave a signal to Trixie to not make a noise.

"Hello again Jon," Princess Celestia said sounding surprised to hear from him. "My, I would think you'd be spending time with your family right now. Don't you have a few days still left on your one week vacation?"

Even Celestia's soothing voice did little to help Jon's nervous disposition.

"Yeah uh, hi to you too," Jon said sounding anxious. "And yeah I am buuut I'm calling because I have a request I'd like to submit to you, your Highness." His vain attempt at flattering her was all too noticeable.

"Oh please Jon, don't be so formal," she said with a chuckle. "If you need my help with something all you need to do is ask...Is this about your next guest?"

"Actually no, this time it has nothing to do with work," Jon answered. "I'm calling you today on a more...personal issue, an issue that I desperately need your help with."

"Goodness...well, I understand and am willing to do whatever I can to help," Celestia said reassuringly. "Now then... what is it you'd like to request of me?" Jon thought about how to phrase his next question; he wanted to be sure that it didn't come off as too demanding, this was his last hope to save the night.

"Well before I ask you...uh...remember how you told me I was the first human ever to set foot in Equestria?" Jon asked as he rubbed the back of his head.

"Yes I most certainly do." Celestia answered. Before continuing Jon looked over at Trixie who was gently motioning for him to go for it.

"Well if it's alright with you I'd like to add another person to that list." He said. At first there was silence followed by a confused response.

"Excuse me?" Celestia said.

"You see It's like this...I had plans to go out for dinner tonight but all the good places are backed up for months." Jon explained.

"And you want to bring a guest over to Equestria in the hopes of continuing your dinner plans?" Celestia surmised

"Yeah that's just about the size of it." He said.

"Jon...you know how I feel about beings from other worlds coming to Equestria." She said in a serious tone that got Jon feeling less confident about his plan. When they first met one of the only guidelines she set for making deals with Jon was that while he could come to Equestria whenever he pleased he was not allowed to bring anyone with him.

She had nothing against humans but from what she understood the human race had a nasty little habit of invading new territory whenever they had the chance. But she trusted Jon...she could sense the purity of his heart. Which meant that her rejection of his request would be all the more difficult to do.

"I'm terribly sorry," Celestia continued, "But I'm afraid I'm going to have to say--"

"Wait! Before you say anything let me just say that if you did do this for me I'd do anything to make it up to you!" He interrupted. "It's just...I promised Tracey we'd go out tonight and I'd really hate to--"

"Wait! Tracey!?" She exclaimed. "The person you want to bring over here is your wife?"

"Oh uh, yes, yes it is," he answered. "We're planning a date night."

"Goodness Jon why didn't you say so sooner!" She exclaimed in an excited tone. "It would be an absolute delight to have Tracey as our esteemed guest for the evening."

"Wow really!" Jon said as a new wave of hope filled his being.

"Of course!" She said. "I'll make the necessary arrangements at a local Canterlot establishment; all you need to do is show up and I'll handle the rest."

"That's great! You’re the best Celestia!" He said. "How can I ever make this up to you?"

"Weeell," She said in a sly voice. "I do believe you said you'd do anything if I granted you this favor."

"Yes...I did say that." Jon said sounding concerned.

"Well I'm going to take you up on that offer." She said.

"And...what is it that you want me to do?" He asked.

"You'll see." Celestia chimed. "In the mean time I'll make reservations for two at a local Chateau called 'the Alimentaire Cheval,' call me again when you're ready to head out and I'll transport you safety to your desired location."

"Alright...and again I can't thank you enough." Jon said. "I'll call you soon, I just need to tell Tracey about the slight change in plans."

The sound of Celestia ending the phone call caused Jon to sigh a deep sigh. Relieved that he got this far Jon stood up and did a victory arm thrust.

"Sounds like it went better than expected." Trixie commented.

"No kidding...but now here comes the hard part" Jon said. "Convincing Celestia to let us go is one thing...but now I just have to convince--"

Before he could finish the door to his study slowly opened, giving a very loud creaking noise in the process. On the other end was Tracey who, as Trixie so accurately described, looked beautiful.

"Tracey." He said as he finally hung up the phone.

"Jon honey, is everything alright?" She said as she passed the threshold. "You've been up here for quite some time."

"Oh no nothing's wrong," he said. "I uh...I was just preparing for our date is all."

"That's great," She said with a smile. "Did you get us a reservation?" Jon looked over at Trixie who laughed slightly and made her way to the door.

"I'll leave this to you Stewart," Trixie said. "If you two love birds need me I'll be downstairs."

Watching her leave Trixie noticed a whimsical look about her which contrasted neatly with with Jon's nervous face.

"Honey what's going on?" She said turning to Jon.

"Nothing's wrong sweety," He insisted. "As a matter of fact everything is better than expected. I just got off the phone with a friend who can set us up with a table for two at a really high end joint."

Tracey was somewhat skeptical of Jon's claims since she could tell when he was lying, or in this case not telling the entire story. But his claims that the evening was still going to happen made her forget all that.

"Really?" She said sounding surprised.

"Of course baby," Jon continued. "It's called the...uh, the 'Alimentaire Cheval.'"

"Hmmm...can't say I've ever heard of it." She said rubbing her chin. "Is it any good?"

"Oh yeah," He said in an unsure tone. "...it's out of this world."

The night had barely started and already Jon was held up in his study a lot longer than he had anticipated. At first it was because he was trying to get Celestia let him bring his wife over for dinner and now it was time spent trying to get her to actually go through with it. Despite her willingness to go out on the town she thought the furthest they'd travel was the upper west side, not to a completely other universe.

It took some time but he finally managed to convince her to go. He had some help in the form of Trixie assuring that the restaurant in question was most excellent and in a very safe neighborhood; a lie in itself since she had never been but that didn't stop her from helping Jon out.

The three of them were now back in the living room where Jon was saying his temporary farewells to his kids.

"Alright you two; mommy and daddy are going to be gone for a little bit," He said but not before giving them each a kiss on the forehead. "Now while we're away you two be good and do whatever Aunt Trixie says, ok?"

The two children agreed and with that Jon was ready to head out. Tracey however was far from ready, they hadn't even left the house yet and already she was worried. Not about herself but for her kids.

Jon turned around to see his wife talking with Trixie like a highway patrolman who'd just pulled over a drunk driver. She may have regarded this night on out with Jon as mana from heaven but she was still uneasy about leaving her children behind while she was in some other world.

"...Also remember the kids shouldn't be up past ten...actually if you can put them to bed now...no wait they haven't had dinner yet...ok after dinner put them to bed but remember to read them a bed time story first," Tracey said, her words frantic with a hint of authority. "Also remember Nathan gets his allergies from his father so nothing with peanuts in them...oh, and Maggie's stuffed bear is in the dryer right now so if she wants it make sure to wait till it's--"

"Honey it's fine!" Jon said cutting her off midway through her instruction. "Trixie's got everything under control...don't you oh Great one?"

"Indeed I do, you needn't worry about a thing Tracey. Your kids are in good hooves with me" Trixie said. "Now then...out of curiosity does your insurance provider cover accidental magic discharges?" Trixie's harmless joke didn't go over very well with Tracey who just looked horrified. Before she could comment Jon was quick on the damage control.

"Honey she was just kidding," he assured her, as he tugged her inch by inch towards the stairs. "Now come on the Princess is waiting for our confirmation."

"I...well al-alright then I..," She said, before moving she gave her kids one last hug then proceeded head upstairs. "...I suppose we should head out now before I change my mind."

Although Jon was anxious to spend some time with Tracey he also wanted to get a move on because he was looking forward to being back in Equestria. For all the faults and for all the bad experiences he's had thus far he always enjoyed the occasional visit. It was the right balance of peaceful and exciting which made him come back time after time.

Whenever someone asked him what the pony world was like he would say something along the lines of: Equestria is place of such overwhelming diversity and kindness you could sneeze in public and get around ten different variations of the phrase "Bless you."

And now he had the chance to share that same feeling with his wife, so he wanted to leave as soon as possible. Tracey on the other hand was not too eager. She was on the verge of heading up the stairs when her maternal instincts got the better of her. She was barely up three steps when she rushed back over to Trixie.

"Ok just one more thing!" She said which only made Jon more impatient. "The emergency numbers are on the fridge...if you need helping dialing the numbers then ask Nathan for help...also my cellphone number is up there to so if for whatever reason you need to get a hold of me you know what to do...also Maggie will probably say she's old enough to drink some soda but I don't want her to be bouncing off the--"

"Trace we need to go!" Jon urged from the bottom of the staircase. "What's the big deal you've let Trixie watch over the kids before?"

"Yes but I was always at least a room way." She said.

"Well it's either this or we go to McDonalds." Jon joked. It didn't help.

"Jon this is serious," She said. "They're my babies and I just feel like I need to--"

"Tracey, Tracey, you have nothing to be worried about." Trixie said as she placed a single hoof over her mouth. "I assure you I will have full control over the situation while you are away."

"...Are you sure?" Tracey asked in a hush tone.

"Of course I am. Observe." Trixie said in a confident tone. To demonstrate her literal control of the kids Tracey faced them and began to bark orders. "Nathan, Maggie...sit!"

Like obedient dogs the two children sat down quickly.

"Nathan, Maggie...roll over." She said, getting her desired results yet again. She turned to Tracey feeling proud of the level of authority she had over them. It didn't help however since both Tracey and Jon looked shocked at the sight of their kids being ordered around like house pets.

Tracey was about to say something when she sighed a sigh of defeat and calmly dragged herself up the stairs and past Jon.

"Before you change your mind?" Jon asked.

"Before I change my mind." She answered back. Both of them eventually disappeared behind the door to Jon's study as their kids waved and yelled goodbye.

The two of them were now alone in the room where Jon did most of his work. This was his home away from home so to speak, so Tracey couldn't help but feel slightly out of place.

"So...how does this usually go down?" She asked. Jon answered as he walked over to his desk phone.

"It's simple really," he answered while dialing a number. "All I have to do is call Celestia and tell her we're ready...she'll then use her magic to transport us to her world and from there she does all the work."

Tracey had so many questions but she decided to wait till after they arrived in Equestria. As Jon briefly had a back and forth with someone over the phone she occupied herself by looking around the room. She motioned to a chair in the corner that was holding up a scruffy looking grey trench coat.

"I must’ve told you a hundred times to throw away that ugly thing." She criticized as Jon got off the phone.

"Alright it's all set," he said. "Now all we do is wait. Oh, make sure to close your eyes though...the light might blind you."

"O-ok." She said, now feeling nervous. "Anything else I should know."

"Uh yeah the princess...well she's not exactly like other ponies," he answered. "You'll see what I mean." Sensing her nervousness Jon walked up to his wife and wrapped his arms around her now trembling body.

"Hey, hey don't worry, everything's fine." He assured her as he pressed her head against his chest.

"I swear if something happens to the kids while we're away you're dead." She threatened.

"Duly noted." Jon quipped. A few moments passed with seemingly nothing happening which gave Tracey time to let her mind wander...which only served to stress her out even more about this whole idea.

"Wait!" She shouted. "I need to go tell her one more thing!" Tearing herself away from Jon's embrace she rushed towards the door that lead to the hallway. She stopped halfway once she realized that the door was no longer there, in fact there was nothing before her but a seemingly endless hall of sterile floors and ivory pillars.

The sound of her heels against the pearl floors echoed all around her, causing all of her senses to overflow with new information. Within the blink of an eye she was no longer in Jon's study but some kind of grand throne room surrounded by stained glass windows and golden ornaments on display.

"What...in the world?" She said as she didn't know whether to be amazed or terrified. The sound of someone clearing their throat behind her got her attention. She spun around to see her husband standing side by side with what she could only described as some kind of mythical beast with wings, a horn, and free flowing hair of many colors.

"Tracey." Jon said. "This is the Princess I was telling you about." The creature that Jon was intruding was huge compared to Trixie. She wasn't taller than Jon but her size and horn gave the appearance that she was. As a veterinarian technician she'd seen horses before but none even came close to this.

The almost divine looking animal took a few steps forward to the terrified human and presented her hoof.

"Welcome to Equestria Ms. McShane." It said with a large smile. "A pleasure to finally meet your acquaintance."

"Oh...my...god." Tracey said as she hesitatingly grabbed her hoof.

"Please dear, call me 'Celestia.'" It said with a giggle.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Kindness of strangers

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Kindness of strangers

The first to regain their vision from the sudden burst of light was Jon; being in front of bright lights on a studio set four days a week blessed him with such tolerance. When his eyes adjusted to the dark long enough for him to see clearly he found the source of the bright light, it came from a rather large Pegasus flying just about him.

Jon didn't need to ask what he was doing because he'd seen his kind before; he was taking candid pictures of him and Tracey. The creature had a large wing span (though normal for his size) and a camera around his neck. His coat was black and his mane was mint green with white streaks which made it look like his hair was fading. Visually there were two features that stood out the most about him. One was his very long mane which was carefully woven into dreadlocks, and the other was a bright two tone yellow scarf that he wore around his neck, which stood out especially in contrast to his dark body.

The Pegasus flew in place staring at those below him with a smile that was brighter than the flash from his camera. A smile which, Jon would later notice, rarely left his face.

"I knew I recognized ya!" He said in a scratchy, wise-cracking voice. "You're Jon Stewart! Dang, I can't wait to tell the fellas about this one!"

"Excuse me!" Tracey said, her vision now back as well. "Who are you!?"

"Oh right, sorry about that," he said without showing an ounce of regret for what he did. "The name's Shutter Speed! I'm a photographer."

Jon was about to press further about who he was and what his motives were for being here, but before he could the two guards responsible for his safety stepped forward.

"Speed! Get the hell out of here!" One of them yelled. "We've got enough to worry about without you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong!"

"That's right!" The other guard added. "If you don't turn tail right now I swear I'll make it so you don't fly straight for a month!"

This sudden outburst of rage surprised both Jon and Tracey. Up until now the only emotion they ever saw from their guardian friends was dismissive sincerity, and intense reverence for their job. Whoever this Shutter Speed was he seemed to know how to press the right buttons.

"Fellas, fellas you hurt me," Shutter said while still smiling from ear to ear. "Can't you two give a struggling artist a break every once in a while?"

"'Struggling artist?'" One guard said. "Don't give me that! You're nothing more than a two bit, dime-a-dozen, cheap cameraman for hire, who goes around taking pictures for anyone dumb enough to pay for your 'services.'"

"Ha! Jokes on you!" Shutter said back. "Only two of those things are true."

"We mean it Speed!" The other guard threatened. "Leave now, or else!"

"All right, all right, I get the message." He said. "But before I go, let me ask ya...aint you even a little big curious about how I knew where to find y’all?"

"No." One guard said bluntly. "Last chance Speed...leave or I'm taking this spear and I'll shove it so far up your--"

"Actually," Jon interjected. "How did you find us?"

"Yeah I'm actually curious about that myself," Tracey added. "I thought Celestia said we'd take the back trolley to avoid being seen as much as possible."

Having finally gotten the chance to talk to the two humans for once Shutter flew up higher like he was addressing an audience. He looked down at Jon and Tracey, his long hair dangling down like fishing lines and his ever present smile still clearly visible.

"Well see that's the problem, pretty lady." He said to Tracey. "The princess don't usually use that thing at this hour so I knew she was up to something."

His reasoning was both simple and the same time brilliant to Jon.

"But I had to make sure whatever was going down was big," He continued as he took out a picture. "Once I had identified who was on the trolley I rushed back into town to see if I couldn't get an even better look and well...here I am!"

Flying in between the two guards Shutter Speed showed Jon and Tracey a candid photo of the two of them on the verge of sharing a kiss. The setting looked familiar and once Jon put two and two together a startling realization overcame him and him momentary embarrassment.

"Wait," Jon said, pausing to get his facts in order. "So...the flash of light from when we were on the trolley was..."

"Ding, ding, ding...that's right Mr. S" Shutter said. "That was me! Once the photo developed I recognized you from TV and I knew I just had to get some more of ya."

After his explanation Tracey took the photo from him to observe it further. Jon grimaced at the thought of what Tracey might say or do. One aspect that came with the territory of Jon's popularity was the publicity. Under US law since Jon was a well-known public figure he didn't have an expectation of privacy. This meant that virtually anyone at any time could take pictures of him and his family with or without their consent.

Jon by this time was used to it but Tracey always found it annoying since it usually happened at the most inopportune times. This came to a head once a few years back when the Stewart family went trick-or-treating and a cameraman wouldn't leave them alone. There was no way any photo from Equestria could be traced back to the human world but Jon still prepared himself for his wife's eventual rage.

"I...I love it!" Tracey said; everyone but Shutter Speed was surprised. She leaned in to give Jon a better look. "Look honey doesn't this picture of us look adorable?" Jon wasn't an expert on photography but even he had to admit that the picture did turn out pretty good. The darkness juxtaposed the bright interior of the trolley quite nicely.

"Yeah, it's pretty grasshoppa if I do say so myself." Shutter said. "If you want you can keep that...I already made a copy so it's aaaaall goooood."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Speed." She said as she put the photo neatly into her purse. "Out of curiosity did you take any more of us?"

"I sure did!" He said as he presented some more photos to the two intrigued humans. Most of them were from far away with the last one being a close up shot of them being escorted by the two royal guards. Out of context it almost looked like they were being arrested.

Tracey admired his handy work and was about to comment on them with another question when a guard strolled in between them, his massive spear leaning more towards Shutter.

"With all due respect Ms. McShane, we do need to get to the restaurant to make your reservation." The guard said now turning his attention to the floating stallion. "Now then...if you please excuse me we do have somewhere to be...so get lost!" To further intimidate the pesky Pegasus he slammed butt of his spear against the ground, making a loud and powerful sound. Shutter Speed didn't flinch or look at all afraid, if anything it made him smile even harder.

"I suddenly feel like I'm not wanted" He said with a fake expression of pain while placing a hoof over his heart. "Alright I get the message I'll leave."

He began to slowly fly backwards widening the gap between himself and the guards. He didn't get too far before calling out to Jon and Tracey.

"Alright you crazy kids, have a great night on the town," he called out. "I'm sure you'll just loooove spending your time together with these two bundles of joy."

Jon and Tracey looked at the two royal guards than at each other. As if communicating telepathically they both made a decision.

"Hey Shutter Speed, why don't you tag along for now!" Jon called out, getting mixed, negative reactions from the two guards.

"Yes by all means...it'd be nice to have someone to talk to for a little bit," Tracey said. "Besides we'd love to have some more pictures to commemorate this night."

In response to this Shutter Speed arched his back and flew as fast as he could directly at them. Before he could get too close however two intersecting spears stopped him mid-flight.

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid we cannot allow this." One guard said. "We were ordered to--"

"You were ordered to do whatever we requested, am I correct." Tracey interrupted, standing over the guard to show off her height.

"Well..." The guard said, fidgeting in place. "Y-yes but--"

"In that case we request that Shutter Speed comes with us." Jon added, backing up his wife. The two guards looked up at the two humans towering over them and begrudgingly nodded their heads.

"You may...accompany us." The other guar, his words covered in a thick layer of contempt.

"Grasshoppa!" Shutter said. He hovered just above the two humans and soon the five of them were once again on their way. It didn't take long for someone to start asking questions.

"So Shutter Speed," Tracey said getting almost everyone's attention. "What kind of photographer are you?"

"Oh little ol' me?" He said in an overactive tone. "I take pictures for whatever work I can get...but mostly I do photos of famous ponies."

"So I'm guessing taking pictures is your special talent?" Jon asked. His question was met with an answer but from a completely different pony.

"His special talent is being a pain in the ass." One of the guards said.

"I get the feeling these two don't like you very much." Jon commented.

"Nah, they just act like that; deep down they loooove me!" Shutter said, getting giggles from Jon and Tracey. "I like to consider myself the local jack of all trades but to answer your question...yep taking photos is what I'm all about! See...check it!"

He flew at just to the side of them to show off his cutie mark which was a roll of film. It was difficult to see against his dark body, especially at night but it was still visible. It was his dark coating that made him such an excellent photographer since at night most ponies never saw him coming.

"I'm guessing it's that special talent that's gotten you in trouble with...um?" Tracey said trying to recall if she knew the names of the two royal guards currently in front of him.

"Flint and Tinder." Shutter said causing the ears of two guards to bend backwards.

"Excuse me?" Jon asked.

"Their names...their names are Flint and Tinder," He repeated himself. "Two royal guards who patrol mostly in Canterlot City...and yeah they don't like it when I take the occasional picture of celebrities buuuuut that's not why they’re mad me....isn't that right guys?"

"Don't start with me." Flint said.

"Why what happened?" Tracey asked. When neither guard answered her Shutter took it upon himself to give the explanation.

"Imagine if you will two royal guards who were honor bound with the most meaningful assignment there ever was...defending the wellbeing of the citizens in the greatest city in Equestria, Canterlot!" Shutter said in a poetic tone. "Now imagine those same royal guards found sleeping on the job."

"We. Weren't. Sleeping." Tinder said.

"Oh riiiight," Shutter said. "And I suppose that picture I took was of you two just closing your eyes for a second.'"

Jon and Tracey couldn't help but laugh a little bit. What followed would have been an awkward silence but Shutter Speed wouldn't allow it.

"So what are you two celebrating today?" He asked. "I don't know nothing about no humans but y'all look pretty snazzy."

"Oh nothing special really," Tracey answered. "We're just going out for a dinner date."

"Aaaah…Grasshoppa!" Shutter said, giving a wink to them both. "Where to?"

"Some place called 'the Alimentaire Cheval.'" Jon answered trying his best to pronounce it right.

"Oh I know that joint!" Shutter exclaimed. "I go there all the time."

"Really?" Tracey asked. "Is there food any good?"

"HA! I wouldn't know!" He said with a hardly laugh. "An appetizer at the place probably costs more than this camera...I just troll the place for high profile ponies to take picture of."

After finishing his explanation Shutter leaned in just close enough so Flint and Tinder couldn't hear him.

"If you want I can show you two where the restaurant is," He said with a smirk. "I'm willing to bet my flank that you'd much rather be escorted by anypony other than these two sour ponies."

Both Jon and Tracey weighed the options of either being escorted further by the charming and helpful Shutter Speed or the straitlaced duo that was Flint and Tinder. The outcome wasn't even close.

"Hey uh...Flint, Tinder," Jon said. "You guys have done a great job so far, really you have…but from here on out I think we'd much rather go with Shutter Speed over here."

Upon hearing this the group capme to an abrupt stop. Two royal guards had stopped in their place and turned to face them with shocked expressions.

"Yeah we'll be fine," Tracey added. "We'll be sure to tell Celestia that you--"

"I'm sorry but I'm afraid we really can't allow this!" Flint said. "While we were ordered to listen to your requests we were also instructed to keep you safe...we would not feel comfortable leaving you in the hooves of this low life."

When the word “low life” escaped his mouth Shutter Speed made a motion with his hoof like he was driving a knife into his heart.

"Look guys," Jon said. "I appreciate the thought but--"

"By order of the Princess I'm afraid our desicion is final!" Tinder interrupted. "Now then...let us continue." A silence hung over the group only to be broken by Jon.

"They should make a sitcom out of you two." He said, but they said nothing.

They continued to walk with Jon and Tracey looking rather disappointed. Shutter Speed however was still smiling; he leaned in close once again to address only the two humans

"When I give the signal...close your eyes." He said. Before they could ask he flew just ahead of the party and made some slight adjustments to his camera.

"HEY FLINT, HEY TINDER!" He said now hovering above them. The two looked up to see him poised with his camera ready to go. "SAY 'CHEESE'"

Gathering that he had given the signal both Jon and Tracey closed their eyes. A few seconds later a bright flash of light lit up the night sky for an even longer extended period of time. The sound of Flint and Tinder dropping their spears and groaning in pain caused the two to open their eyes once again.

"LET'S BOOGY!" Shutter yelled as he flew down a nearby dark ally. Jon and Tracey followed, laughing as the adrenalin coursed through their bodies.

"HALT!" Flint demanded as he ran in a random direction. "IN THE NAME OF THE CELESTIA I ORDER YOU TWO TO--" Before getting the chance to finish his demands he ran head first into a street lamp, temporarily rendering him unconscious. Tinder, who wasn't doing much better, found himself unable to see to the point where he ended up staggering backwards into pile of trash that someone had left out.

Jon and Tracey were running hand in hand, making sharp turns through ally after ally trying to lose their would be pursuers. They felt like high school kids who were caught hanging around school grounds after hours by campus security. It'd been years since either of them felt so alive; they enjoyed every second of it.

"That...was so grasshoppa!" Shutter yelled over the sound of feet stomping on hard ground. "Just follow me, we're almost there!"

A few twist and turns later and the three were now standing in front of a large building that was populated on all sides by ponies of all shapes and colors. A sign just over head said confirmed that this was indeed their desired location.

"Well here we are," Shutter said. "First floor we have fancy ponies, overpriced dinners, and fine wine."

"Listen Mr. Speed I'd like to thank you for bailing us out." Tracey said.

"Indeed. Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?" Jon ventured.

"Actually maybe there is," He said with a grin. "Mind if I take one last picture of you and the Misses before you head in?"

"I'm sure that'd make for a nice pair of antlers to hang on your wall." Jon joked.

"We'll do it but only if we get a copy." Tracey interjected with a smile that matched Speed's.

The couple huddled together while Shutter Speed lined up his shot to include both the couple and the restaurant in the background. A second passed and he took the picture, which developed right in front of them and slowly began to increase in contrast.

All three of them huddled together to get a better look. The two humans were in perfect focus and the background served as nice background which didn’t draw attention away from the couple.

"Grasshoppa!" Shutter said admiring his own work. "Alright I'll be in the area if you need any more help...enjoy your dinner, you fancy folks." And with that he flew upwards into the sky and began to circle the area like a vulture.

"Nice guy." Tracey said. Jon agreed and checked his watch to see what time it was.

Grabbing a hold of his wife's hand Jon turned and made his way towards the restaurant, readying himself for a nice quiet dinner with his wife. Unaware that the real fun hadn't even started yet.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Table for two please

With Shutter Speed now gone Jon and Tracey were left to themselves, standing across the street from a massive building that had a large crowd of ponies clambering to enter. The building in question was, as it said on the sign out front, the 'Alimentaire Cheval,' the restaurant that they were to dine at.

"Well...we're here," Jon said as his wife admired the beautiful architectural properties, something which she had a thing for. "Last chance; are you sure you wouldn't want to go to McDonald's instead?"

Jon's jesting was met with Tracey lovingly punching him on the arm. It was playful but at the same time she was in much better shape than her husband so she could hit pretty hard. She was about to start walking forward when a thought crossed her mind.

"Shall we head in?" Jon asked.

"Wait I got to do something first," She said pulling her cellphone out of her purse. "I want to call Trixie and see how the kids are doing."

Rather than stopping her Jon just watched in amusement at what was about to happen. Immediately her call to the home phone could not go through, all she got was a voice telling her that the number she had dialed was either disconnected or that she had no signal.

"Sweet heart?" Jon said rubbing her shoulders. "These people don't even have airplanes...so they sure as hell don't have a satellite that can pick up phone signals...come on let's go.” A defeated Tracey put away her phone and agreed.

Hand in hand the couple found the designated crosswalk section of the road where they slowly made their way towards the grand building. While they slowly walked forward Jon got the chance to admire the new district of Canterlot that they were currently occupying. It looked even more elegant than where they just came from.

Its many features reminded him of central park. The street that held the restaurant carried many different stores, most of which were antique shops and even a clothing boutique. Behind him was, what looked like high end town houses and he could just barely make out a park just around the corner.

If Jon didn't know any better he would have guessed he stumbled back home and onto 5th Avenue. The one aspect of this area, and indeed all of Canterlot, that didn't resemble Manhattan was how clean it was. Even in the most lavish of neighborhoods in the great state of New York one could easily find its fair share of graffiti or occasional trash heaps, but in Canterlot everything was clean and sterile and if there was any trash it was properly disposed of.

Even the restaurant they were about to enter looked like it was trying to complete with the standard held back home. Without prior knowledge of its purposes one might mistakenly assume it was city hall or some other kind of official government building. It was white with columns on the front and two statues of an Alicorn; each on either side of the entrance.

As the two approached the building they noticed it was completely fenced off by ponies on all sides. Some trying to get in and others who just happened to be socializing in the area.

"Wanna see something funny?" Jon said to Tracey. She nodded and Jon made his way up to the edge of the crowd and behind a colt, complete with a tuxedo, top hat, and monocle.

"AHEM!" Jon leaned in to clear his throat right next to the ear of the dapper looking pony.

"I beg your pardon!" He said. "But do you mind not--" Stopping mid-sentence he yelped in surprise at the strange species that was now staring at him. The pony closest to him turned to investigate what was going on and did the same. This pattern, like a series of dominoes, continued till all eyes were looking up at him. Jon took a few steps forward and just as he predicted the ponies in the crowd stepped to the side as he gradually made his way forward.

"M'lady." Jon said in old British accent. He extended his hand out at Tracey who took hold, allowing him to escort her through the sea of ponies. Eventually they got to the front door where the doorpony usually stood and used his magic to let guests enter, at this time however he was too awestruck to even move.

"Don't worry I got that." Jon said before opening the door for his wife. The two entered without anyone saying anything to them.

Once inside they realized exactly why everyone was trying to enter in a hasty, though well organized and sophisticated, fashion. The 'Alimentaire Cheval' was in fact that finest restaurant in all of Canterlot and based on its interior it wasn't hard to see why.

The place was built almost like a theatre with tables set up in the center of the building and an upper level which held similar tables; all of which surrounded a stage located towards the back where a group of musicians were in the middle of a performance.

Much like Canterlot itself the inside was neat and pristine. Overhead one could easily see a few chandeliers and the walls were decorated with paintings of scenery and famous looking ponies, none of whom Jon recognized. Everything was candle lit and at the very center of the ceiling was a section made of class to let the moon light in.

One of the long stretches of wall that seemed to extend all the way around the restaurant had a very poetic mural painted on it of two Alicorns facing each other and in the very center of the establishment was a giant stone carved statue of another Alicorn pointing at said mural.

Not everyone present was wearing clothing but those who were had only the finest attire and they spoke and moved like they had been practicing for hours.

"This sure beats the Park Avenue Seasonal, huh Trace?" Jon said.

"Yeah...it...sure does." She answered still spellbound by everything. Jon and Tracey were in lobby like structure where on both their sides were benches and an more paintings. Just ahead was a maître d busily scribbling in her large leather book while simultaneously helping guests get seated.

"Alright let's do this." Jon said as he guided his wife over to the pony in charge of getting people sat. He approached the light green pony with baby blue hair and tried to get her attention.

"Um excuse me?" Jon said to the Unicorn whose eyes never left the book of names. "We're here for a reservation."

"Name." The hostess said bluntly.

"Uh, it should be under Jon." He said.

"Sorry, we don't have you." She said in a dry tone.

"But you didn't even check!" Tracey said sounding somewhat insulted.

"Trust me I would have remembered a name like that," The rude pony said. "Next time you want to sneak in try a more convincing name like 'Buttersquash' or 'Cloudburst.'"

Tracey was moments away from laying into her when Jon placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a look as if to say, "I got this."

"It would really help us a lot if you checked again Ms....Ms. Majestic," Jon said, stopping to read her name tag. "Because I assure you we do have reservations...Princess Celestia told us so herself."

Hearing the Princess' name caused the pony to look up at them. Her first instinct was to naturally question them on the validity of their claim but when she layed eyes on the two her jaw dropped and she began to frantically think of what to say. Before she could utter a single word something exploded onto the scene nearly tackling her in the process.

"Majestic! Leave us une fois!" A creature said in a thick French accent.

This time it was Jon and Tracey surprised to see a new and strange species before them. The creature that quite literally flew in to help was a dark grey Griffon with light grey wings and mane. He wore a red ascot around his neck, a chef’s hat, and most noticeable of all had a large mustache like what one would expect from a 30s villain who ties nuns to train tracks.

The scared pony darted off as the Griffon took the podium that she had previously manned. After straightening out his accessory he began addressing Jon and Tracey.

"Monsieur Stewart I apologize zis inconvénients!...Allow me to introduce myself, I am the head chef and co-owner of zis établissement, Gustave Le Grand!” He said with a bow. “Welcome to the 'Alimentaire Cheval...again my deepest apologies!"

It took Jon a moment to respond, this was his first time seeing a Griffon and he found himself somewhat terrified.

"Oh well that's uh...that's alright," Jon said, his eyes drawn to Gustave’s large talons. "We uh...we're here tonight because the uh…the princess said she would set us up with a table."

"Ah oui oui Monsieur oui oui, we heard about your arrival and have prepared everysing!" Gustave said. "Please, please! Follow me right zis way!" The enthusiastic chef walked slowly into the restaurant, cutting right in the middle as Jon and Tracey followed close behind.

"More following." Jon whispered to Tracey who giggled. The building was very large and spacious even for humans so Jon took this opportunity to scan the room to see if he recognized anyone and to his surprise he actually did.

In one table clear across the other side of the room was a group of formal looking ponies conversing amongst themselves. One of whom was Mayor Mare who seemed to be doing most of the talking.

"Well, well, well," Jon said to himself. "Of all the restaurants, in all the cities, in all of Equestria."

Jon's hulking presence caught her attention and soon both their eyes met where upon she quickly motioned to her guests like she was saying "excuse me." She waved at Jon, prompting both he and Tracey to wave and smile back.

"Who're we waving at?" She asked, being all too familiar with being in this position.

"That's the mayor of Ponyville." Jon said as he continued walking. "I had her on the show once...nice lady."

"Ah I see," she said still waving. "What's her name?"

"Get this...Mayor Mare." Jon said, getting look of surprise from his wife. "...I know right!"

The couple continued walking and right away Jon noticed another familiar face only this time it was from one of the musicians up on the stage. It was none other than Octavia who, along with a band of five other ponies, were in the middle of performing a piece. Jon didn't wave to her since she was so attentive to her work that her eyes were closed shut. Though even if she did see him chances are she wouldn't have acknowledged him, not during a performance anyway.

From there on Jon didn’t recognize anyone else. All he saw was endless rows of strangers staring at him or very obviously talking about him. None of them tried to interact with him possibly because it would be considered unbecoming, but just when Jon and Tracey were almost to their table when a voice a called out.

"Jonathan!" A voice said. "I say, Jonathan over here!"

Ordinarily Jon would just assume whoever was talking was calling out to someone else since no one ever called him by "Jonathan" except his mother, and even then only when he got in trouble as a kid. But since this was Equestria he looked in all directions to see who was trying to get his attention. From his right side Jon could now see who was calling out to him; it was a white stallion sitting at a table with a mare of the same color.

The stallion was waving at Jon while his marefriend was busy laying her long neck on his back.

"Another friend of yours?" Tracey asked as she waved back.

"No actually…I've never seen them before in my life," Jon said. Before continuing Jon turned to talk to his Griffon helper. "Hey Le Grande can we make a quick detour over there?" Since one of his staff members had neglected Jon not too long ago Gustave wasn't in any position to say no. He quickly changed gears to escort the two over to the table.

Upon closer inspection Jon could now see the two Unicorns better. The male pony had a slightly longer than average mane of sapphire blue and his cutie mark was three golden crowns. He was also the only one of the two wearing any clothing in the form of a tuxedo, a matching blue vest, and a purple bow tie. His guest was a tall slender female whose mane was light pink with white stripes and her cutie mark was three Fleur de Lis symbols.

"Jonathan, so good to finally meet you!" The blue haired pony said. "And this must be your lovely wife Tracey! It's an absolute pleasure to make your acquaintance."

"Uh likewise I suppose," Jon said. "But I'm afraid you've put me in an awkward position...you know me but I don't know you."

"Oh I do hope you’ll forgive me; it would seem I have forgotten my manners!" He said now motioning to the pony next to him. "First and foremost this is my lovely confidante, Fleur de Lis...dear, this is the human I walk telling you about."

As if she was sick, or perhaps just didn't care, the slim pony lazily lifted her hoof for the two to shake. She didn't say anything nor did she look at them, she was too busy resting herself on the shoulder of her mate.

"It's nice to meet you." Jon said shaking her hoof.

"Likewise for me as well." Tracey added. When neither of them got a response back Tracey spoke again. "I really like your mane by the way...very lovely." Her compliment got Fleur de Lis' attention.

“…Thank you, my dear.” She said only to quickly go back to doing nothing. An awkward silence followed, though it didn’t stay for very long.

“Right then.” Fancy Pants said as he offered his hoof. "And as for me, my name is Fancy Pants."

Jon had to use all of his willpower to fight back the wave of laughter from escaping his mouth. His cheeks puffed and he placed his hand across his mouth. Tracey noticed this and covertly pinched his leg which was a warning she gave to her children (and on occasions Jon himself) to not act up, and to be on their best behavior.

"Pleased to meet you Mr. Fancy Pants." Tracey said in a friendly tone as she shook his hoof.

"Yeah..." Jon said with a large grin on his face, doing the same. "A real pleasure."

"Well then...now that we've gotten all that out of the way, Fleur de Lis and I would simply love it if you would join us for dinner." He said motioning to the two empty seats across from him.

"You mean…like a double date?" Tracey asked.

"Well I should dare say yes, exactly like one." Fancy Pants said.

"That's very kind of you to offer," Jon said. "But I'm afraid my wife and I had had plans to--"

"We'd love to!" Tracey said, causing Jon to look at her with confused eyes.

"We would?" He asked.

"Oh of course we would!" She reiterated. "Oh come on honey when was the last time we went on a date with another couple."

"Uuuh… I think Ol' Bubba was still in office at the time." Jon said, answering a question he knew wasn’t meant to be answered.

"Please honey...it'll be fun!" She said with begging eyes.

"...You're enjoying all this aren't you?" Jon asked.

"immensely!" She said with a laugh.

She noticed that Jon looked slightly uncomfortable with this idea so to help she decided to sweeten the deal.

"And if you do this for me when we get home I'll..." She leaned in to whisper something in his ear. Neither Fancy Pants nor Fleur de Lis could hear what she was saying but judging by how Jon's facial features changed from uninterested to astounded it must have been huge.

"SO!" Jon exclaimed. "About that double date!"

"Exceptional!" Fancy Paints announced. "Please won't you sit down?"

Jon and Tracey followed his hoof that extended towards the two empty seats; immediately there was a problem. Although the table and chairs scattered around the restaurant were very high fashion and well-crafted, with fine wood and adorned with the expertly woven tapestries, they were a few sizes too small. For a pony they were just the right height but for the average human it was kiddie table sized

Fancy Pants didn't notice this but fortunately the still present Gustave Le Grand had taken this into consideration long ago.

"Actually since you will all be dinning together I suggest everyone follow me." He said. All four of them followed Gustave to the very center of the restaurant where the statue of the Alicorn was located. It was then that Jon realized that the statue was that of Celestia herself. But most importantly from this new angle Jon could clearly see that as well as being a statue it was also part booth.

At the very base of the stone monument was a carved out section that held a half circle booth. It was larger than the other tables because only Royalty was allowed to sit there. But for this night only an exception was made in this case Jon and his wife.

The booth itself was made from mahogany wood and the cushions imbedded in it were bright red and made of silk. The table on the other hand was so shiny Jon could see his reflection in it, if he didn't know any better he'd say it was made of diamond.

"You're server will be with you in a moment." Gustave said. "Please...enjoy your stay."

Jon helped Tracey get onto the table with Fancy Pants doing the exact same with Fleur de Lis. No sooner did they sit down did a team of waiters, who were dressed better than Jon did on an average day, sprung from seemingly nowhere to give them their complimentary wine.

"My word this is a rather splendid turn of events isn't it?" Fancy Pants asked as he looked around. "I've been here a multitude of times but never have I sat in the Alicorn table...I admire the influence you have in our world Mr. Stewart."

"Oh please...call me Jon." He said not at all wanting to confess that the only reason he got the table was because of his large build. "And for tonight let's forget all about social statuses, work, and our responsibilities and just have a good time."

All agreed (with Fleur de Lis nodding instead of talking) and after a quick sip of their wine the dinner date have officially begun.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Wasn't prepared for this.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Wasn't prepared for this.

The crowd cheered and applauded as Jon slowly made his way to the center of the stage with a spot light following his every move. To stall for time and set the mood a bit he stopped and pretended to walk forward only to quickly hop backwards, throwing off the pony handling the spot light.

The crowd found his pre-performance antics amusing but at the same time Jon wanted to get this over with. It took him only a few seconds to reach the microphone but to him it felt like an eternity.

His mind was filled with thoughts about what he should or should not say. He'd performed live standup before but in those cases he always knew the layout well enough to structure his routine accordingly...he may have been to Equestria a few times but he had no idea how they would react to some of his jokes.

Taking the microphone off its stand he took a deep breath and was about to say something when he froze for a second. He didn't know what to say, he thought of about a couple dozen jokes that were good for openers but nearly all of them would fall flat for a pony audience. Comedy came naturally to him but this time he was seriously out of his element.

In his career he'd performed his comedy from all walks of life. From the dankly clubs of the lower East side to grand halls of the Presidential correspondence dinner in Washington; but nothing in his life leading up to tonight could have prepared him for this.

The stage the brightly lit which made the audience hard to make out but he could still clearly see the booth that he had left not too long ago. All eyes were on him but the one that Jon cared most about what his wife’s. Looking across the room he saw Tracey give him a smile and thumbs up; it was all he needed to get over his momentary stage fright.

"Hey everyone thanks so much for having here today. As you all know I was given the chance to do a comedy bit for you guys and I can't even began to explain how honored I am for the opportunity." Jon said as he tried his best to look at every pony in the audience by doing a sweep from right to left. "I apologize if this turns out to be a bit short, I didn’t have much time to prepare…but hey It's great to see the faces of such a great looking audience…and for those of you who are sitting behind the giant Celestia looking statue weeeell...better luck next year."

The crowd chuckled at his opener; even those who were unfortunate enough to be seated out of view were able to hear him alright thanks to the design of the building which carried his voice to all corners of the restaurant.

"Although I'll be honest with you folks I'm a little bit nervous right now," Jon admitted. "Not because of all the mythical creatures with other worldly powers flying around...no, no, I got over that months ago...it's because this is my first time performing standup here in Equestria so you'll forgive me if I sound uneasy."

Jon looked forward at countless pairs of eyes glaring at him waiting to see where he was going with this.

"You know back home in the human world we have a saying," he continued. "It goes something along the lines of: 'If you're nervous on stage just imagine the audience naked'...that rule doesn't really apply here in Equestria now does it?"

Again the crowd responded. This time not with a slight chuckle but full on laughter, as Jon made sweepings motions at the elegant interior

"Seriously I mean...half of you guys aren't wearing any clothes at all and I still feel under dressed in this place," he explained. "I guess that's what you get for performing in such a nice restaurant...speaking of nice places...I'm glad I got to do this here...here in the great city of Canterlot. In many ways it reminds me of New York so I do feel at home here."

Jon was never too fond of getting a rise out of the audience by name dropping their city but with such limited material at his disposal he wasn't too picky.

"I mean where else was I going to perform? Ponyville? Not that one horse town." Jon said in a joking tone. To his surprise his somewhat mean spirited comment was met with laughter yet again. "No, no I'm just kidding it's a fine place...of all the times I've been uh, here to Equestria I've visited Ponyville the most."

Now more in the swing of things Jon strolled casually across the stage, dragging with him the length of wire that was connected his microphone.

"Overall I believe I've visited your world a total of five times now...If I make it to ten I believe I get a free sundae." He joked, which got a quick chuckle from the audience. He hated to have to rehash a joke form his show but he was desperate.

"Now…other than today I've only been in Canterlot once and, in the short amount of time I’ve spent here, I’ve already met some real colorful characters." Jon said scratching his nose. "I think my favorite thus far is the esteemed Fancy Pants and his girlfriend Fleur de Lis."

The stage light which hovered over him didn’t find its way to the two poines sitting down since everyone present already knew who they were.

"Now I understand that names in this world are different...hell sometimes I don't know if I'm reading a list of names or someone's grocery list." He continued. "Admittedly we humans aren’t that much better. I mean we're the people who went and named someone 'Bear Grylls.'

Had Jon been blessed with the ability to see into people’s minds he would have seen a lot of imagery of a bear grilling some food from the audience.

"But having said that I just gotta say...Fancy Pants?" Jon said with some emphasis in his last name. "...You know what no...too easy."

The crowd, many of whom were acquaintances of Fancy Pants, chucked at their friend being hazed by the renowned comic.

"And then there's Fleur de Lis," Jon said quickly seizing everyone's attention including the pony he was about to make fun of. "Geez, and I though having Big Mac on my show would be a bad idea...this woman makes him look like a motor mouth by comparison."

Insult comedy was always gold but since the circle of ponies he knew was not very proportional in terms of whom these Canterlot ponies knew he decided to move on.

"Also for those of you who don't know who I am, my name is Jon Stewart and I run a show on TV called 'The Daily Show,' on Comedy Central" he said. In response he got a quick applause from those who had heard of it, which came from almost everyone present. "But as you can plainly see I don't just do sketches on TV. When I first started off I did standup from place to place trying to get my bearings and I did alright. I remember years ago one of my first big breaks was when I was a finalist in a race to see who would replace David Letterman after he left NBC in 1993. But in the end I lost to Conan O'Brien."

As expected Jon got looks of confusion from the audience. In Equestria only a very select few television programs actually get broadcasted from the human world. Aside from his own the ponies in attendance didn't recognize a single name drop...it was exactly what Jon was hoping for.

"Some people say my losing to Conan has made me bitter over the years but I'm here to tell you that's not the case; I couldn't be more happy for him...but having said that," Jon said, pausing for the some of the ponies to stop giggling. "I'd like to...try something. Now then really quickly could I get a quick show of hooves...who here knows who Conan O'Brien is?

Not a single pony raised their hoof.

"Interesting..." he said. "Now then...who here, prior to my introduction, has ever heard of me?"

Unsurprisingly almost every pony raised their hoof.

"Let's make this easier," he continued. "Has anyone here ever watched an episode of 'Late night,' 'The tonight show,' or a show called, 'Conan?'

As before the only reaction was confused looks, as well as the occasional laughter from ponies who knew where he was going with this experiment.

"Aaaand who here has ever watched an episode of 'The Daily Show?'" He asked, getting expected results.

"Yeah...I thought so." Jon said in a blunt tone. "Suck it O'Brien!"

His little experiment was met with laughter from everyone present to hear it. Experience had taught Jon that having the audience participate was always good for getting them to warm up to you.

Ever since Jon's popularity skyrocketed when he took over 'the Daily Show' he'd gotten the opportunity to speak in front of people who would be deemed as high society. He sometimes hosted awards shows and gotten the chance to go to dinner parties where he'd get to make an after dinner speech, if necessary. In his experience rich people all had the same laugh; effortless and subtle like raising your voice was a social faux pas. The ponies in attendance weren't any different.

"...You know...another reason why it's such an honor to be here tonight is because while it's true I was born in New York I grew up in New Jersey, which isn't exactly known to be a...fancy place." He said walking towards the front of the stage. "But enough about me I'm always interested in hearing about other people's walks of life...you there sir where you from?"

Taking a step forward Jon pointed his microphone towards a grey and black stallion in the front of the audience. He looked all around him before answering on the off chance that Jon was talking with someone else.

"Uh...East Canterlot." He said.

"Oh a home town hero, huh? That's great!" Jon said, turning his attention yet again. "How bout you Miss?"

This time Jon went to his left and motioned to a pink and green Unicorn who was gossiping with her female friends.

"P-ponyville." She said sheepishly.

"Ponyville? You’re a bit far away from home but hey, nice place, nice place." Jon said now taking a few steps to his right. "And you sir where do you hail from?"

Jon now pointed his microphone at a light blue and orange Unicorn sitting with a mare that looked to be much younger than him.

"I'm from Baltimare?" The heavy set pony said.

"Say again?" Jon asked.

"Baltimare!" He reiterated in a louder voice.

"Oh Baltimare!" Jon said in a comforting voice. "I'm so sorry to hear."

The crowd laughed at the Unicorn's expense but he clapped his hooves in good spirits to show no ill will.

"You know I've only been to a small amount of places here in Equestria and almost every time I think I've gotten the same question over and over again: 'Does the human world have any poines?' For those of you wondering here tonight the answer is yes, yes we do…but they don't talk, have wings, or use magic." Jon explained to a now intrigued crowd. "So mute Earthponies...we have mute Earthponies."

The crowd laughed while Jon took a sip of the water that was left on stage for him.

"The opposite is true for my world too. A lot of my friends wonder if there are humans here in Equestria to which I respond 'no' there are not. As a matter a fact I'm the first human ever to set foot...foot not hoof...in your guys' world...and actually as of tonight I'm actually one of two humans ever because this time I actually brought my wife with me! The lovely Tracey McShane. Say 'hi' honey." Jon said as he waved to his wife. The spot light that was previously on him swung over to the center of the restaurant and onto Tracey who nervously waved back. "Yeah that's my wife...so, just to recap: fifth time here, and I brought my mate with me. So I think if we have a kid here that would technically classify me as an invasive species."

The audience didn't see the punch line coming since they thought he was just merely introducing his wife. The results were immense laughter from all who heard it.

"Another question I get from fans from both here and back at home is one I find most interesting...they’ll sometimes ask me: 'If you were to be any type of pony which would you be?'" He said pausing to let the question sink into the heads of the audience. "And to be honest considering everything I think I'd be an Earthpony...not because I'm hard working, physically strong, or dependable...but because I think that’s the kind of bad luck I’d have."

The crowd chuckled once again while Jon tried desperately to explain himself.

"I mean don't get me wrong! I love Earthponies! Some of my best friends are in fact Earthponies but the thing is I have a theory..." He explained. "...I have a theory that goes like this...If you are a Unicorn or a Pegasus you could having the worst day of your life...wife leaves you, bank forecloses on your house, your pet dog runs away, but…you can look in a mirror and say to yourself: 'At least I can fly' or 'at least I can use magic."

As the crowd laughed Jon looked over at Gustave who was watching him from backstage. He looked nervous like Jon might say something that could get him in trouble. Jon felt uneasy as well as he was quickly running out of material and needed to think of a swift but memorable way to end his performance.

"Now then it would seem I'm almost out of time so I should probably wrap things up here...I know, I know, it's a disappointing but I have a busy schedule to keep back in my world." Jon explained. "You see back home we finished an election not too long ago and I get to make fun of the resulting backlash of it all...oh yeah that's right where I come from we elect our leaders."

Jon said making a quick motion to the Celestia statue.

"Yeah our guy is a human called Barack Hussein Obama...and I'm all but certain none of you are aware of odd that sounds...you see in my country of America we had an enemy for the longest time and his name was in fact Saddam Hussein," he explained while the pony audience looked on with interest. "So as you could imagine when our leader first arrived on the international stage he got some odd reactions regarding his middle name. Lord knows the Equestrian equivalent here would be if your leader was called 'Celes- Discord God of Chaos- Tia.'"

Half the crowd laughed while others looked somewhat nervous at the mention of Celestia’s name. Jon caught on to this and decided to exploit it a bit for his closer.

"Now...now I promised myself that I wouldn't make any Celestia jokes here today. Not just because she’s a good friend of mine but because I want to live to see another day" he continued. "I mean why risk it? I'm one bad joke away from plunging this place into eternal darkness...but...having said that I think I would regret it if I left today without telling at least one joke about my favorite Alicorn who, by the way, is responsible for me doing this tonight."

The crowd looked almost afraid at what Jon was talking about. Both Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis looked over at Stacey who was now slapping her hand against her face as if to say "oh no."

“Now there are so many lovely things about her I can make fun of like how she’s much larger than all of you guys but a fat joke would be too easy.” Jon said, his words flowing from his mouth like a rattle snake. “Then there’s her hair…there’s a gay joke in there somewhere but again…too easy… no, before I go I'd to...tell one last final joke if I may. Not a funny anecdote or witty criticism but just a regular…joke.”

Many of the audience members looked uneasy about what Jon was proposing, but at the same time underneath they’re curiosity allowed him to continue.

"So...an Earthpony diplomat and a Pegasus diplomat are getting the grand tour of Canterlot Castle," Jon said. Upon hearing the set up Tracey poured herself a new glass of wine. "They’re being escorted by a royal guard and along the way the two diplomats see a Unicorn in a room and he’s...oh what's the term you people have over here...OH RIGHT! They catch a Unicorn 'clopping' in a room by himself."

A few ponies in the audience gasped in horror while others did a literal spit take. Before going on he took one last sip of his water. At the exact same time Tracey was doing the same with her glass of wine.

"The two diplomats are outraged and demand to know why such an act is being permitted in the royal Castle...the guard explains that the Unicorn has a medical problem and that if he doesn't clop at least 10 times a day he will die." Jon explained. "The diplomats reluctantly agree and move on with the tour...a few doors down and they see the same thing only this time it's Princess Celestia herself and she's providing oral sex on a stallion."

Not a single pony made a sound. Jon looked ahead at a sea of cultured ponies, every last single one of them looked at Jon with mouths agape. Gustave was still backstage but now he had fainted. Back at Jon's booth his two Unicorn acquaintances had the same look of surprise while Tracey tried her best not to laugh. She'd had heard countless variations of this joke before and she knew exactly how it ended.

"Again the two diplomats demand to know the meaning of this is." Jon said, pausing for dramatic effect. "The royal guard turned to them both and answered by saying, 'Same disability; better health coverage.'"

At first there was no sound which scared Jon but soon like a chain reaction a few ponies began to laugh. It quickly spread for soon the initial shock of hearing the punch line melted away leaving only much amusement in its wake. The entire restaurant found themselves in a state of historical laughter with half of them doing so without shame while the other half tried not to laugh, as if doing so what punishable by law.

"I'll never forget this night for as long as I live!" Jon yelled over the crowd. "Have a wonderful night and drive safely!"

Putting the microphone back on its stand Jon Quickly exited the stage to his left to the sound of countless ponies stomping the ground in applause. While he made his exit he waved back at them feeling good about his performance.

Stepping over Gustave's unconscious body Jon quickly made his way to the back and into the hallway which eventually lead to the center of the restaurant. He just wanted to be with his wife and continue his date.

Had Jon left the stage sooner he might’ve bumped into Octavia who, unbeknownst to Jon, stayed behind to watch him work the stage. But by the time Jon entered the hallway she had already left through the backdoor to go home.

Along the way he noticed that he hadn't spontaneously combusted or gotten turned into a frog so if Celestia was watching he at least knew she could take a joke....but no one, not even Jon himself knew that his raunchy humor was only the beginning of his revenge on Celestia.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Pay back time

The excitement of the restaurant could still be heard as Jon rounded the Celestia statue to rejoin his wife at the special booth. He quickly slid himself back into his seat and was immediately greeted by his wife and Fancy Pants.

Everyone at the table was applauding Jon on his last minute performance. Though it's worth noting that Tracey did so tentatively. She wanted to say so many things to her husband like how his lewd comments could have offended some people or how he may have gone too far this time, but the new bottle of wine she had delivered to her table not too long ago had rounded out her edges.

She didn't care about the potential consequences of what had happened, all she wanted to do was enjoy the rest of the evening and give Jon a congratulatory peck on the cheek.

Fancy Pants on the other hand was still reeling with delight from getting the chance to see Jon perform his comedy in person.

"Bravo Jonathan, bravo!" Fancy Pants said, clapping his hooves enthusiastically. "Jolly good show if I do say so myself. Of all the live performances I’ve seen seen in this restaurant yours was undoubtedly the best!"

"Glad you liked it," Jon said, his attention now on the bottle of wine near his wife. "Another bottle? I'll take that!" Jon quickly poured himself a tall helping whereupon he quickly consumed it to steady his nerves. He repeated this process again as he was still shaking of the high that he got after a performance.

"Liked it? I loved it!" Fancy Pants continued. "I propose another toast! To Jon! On a job well done!"

He quickly poured four sets of wine glasses and used his magic to distribute them to his four friends.

"To my husband!" Tracey said lifting her new glass in the air. "Someday his big mouth is going to get us both in trouble." All parties agreed and took a sip

"I'll be honest Fancy Pants I'm surprised you’re not all bent out of shape about...all that." Jon said motioning to the stage. "Don't you rich types find that style of comedy to be...uncouth?"

Something about the way he asked his question made Fancy Pants laugh as he was trying to take another sip of his wine.

"Well Jonathan...I'll admit it was a bit...spirited than what I'm used it but formalities be damned it wasn't a joy to behold!" He said with much vigor. "I'm surrounded by boorish ponies all day long...it's nice to unwind every now and again."

"Well Fancy Pants I just hope it was as good for you as it was for me." Jon joked. He then took another sip of his wine which he almost choked on when Tracey playfully jabbed in the stomach.

"Oh indeed it was!" Fancy Pants said. "You know, I've asked Celestia many times to let me travel to New York so I could watch you do your show but she has always denied my request." This news surprised Jon somewhat, he got the idea that he was a fan but he didn't know it was to this degree.

"No kidding?" Jon asked.

"Oh no I'm quite serious...the joking I leave to you." He said. "I've always wanted to see you do your show in person...seeing you here tonight is the next best thing."

Jon took a long sip of his wine and contemplated how much this night must have meant to him. He'd been to high class social gatherings before and he'd never liked the type of people who attended it, but Fancy Pants was different...Jon found him rather endearing. It was then that Jon got an idea and this time it was definitely the alcohol talking when he made his proposal.

"You know what Fancy Pants...I like you! So you know what I'm going to do?" Jon asked before quickly continuing. "I'm going talk to Celestia and I'll make sure you get the best seat in the house at Daily Show headquarters during the next taping!"

This sudden declaration caused the Fancy Unicorn to almost knock over his glass of wine when he shifted in his seat.

"You're going to let me watch you live!? He asked, his eyes filled with joy.

"Even better," Jon said. "Fancy Pants, I'm going to have you on my show as my guest for an interview...and I won't take no for an answer!"

The cultured Unicorn now found himself at a loss for words. He tried to speak but he momentarily forgot how.

"I...wha-- Jonathan are...are you positive!?" He asked. "Surly there must be other ponies more deserving than I."

"Tell you what...you call me 'Jonathan' one more time and the deal's off." He said with a smile.

"In...in that case," Fancy Pants said, stopping to collect himself. "I humbly accept your offer and cannot thank you enough...Jon."

There was a moment of silence which was eventually broken by Tracey.

"Alright, alright enough of that," she said in a joking tone. Leaning over she grabbed the bottle of wine and opened it with the cork provided with an audible pop. "You two can bromance later...right now the night's still young."

"Agreed!" Fancy Pants said. "But before we go any further I'd like to show you two my gratitude." And Fancy Pants did just that by waving his hoof to get the attention of Gustave Le Grand who had recovered from his fainting incident was doing his usual rounds throughout the restaurant.

"Gustave! I say Gustave could you come here for a second?" He called out. Seeing this he quickly flew over a few guests and landed perfectly in front of them.

"Oui oui monsieur pantalons?" He said, his head still a bit dizzy from his little episode. "Is zer something I can do for you?"

"Gustave old boy I'd like to pay for my friend's dinner tonight," Fancy Pants said. "Not only did Jon here put on a capitol performance but he had also invited me onto his show. These two lovely humans have shown nothing but kindness towards us all night...I simply must repay them in some way."

"Oh Fancy you don't have to do that!" Tracey said.

"Oh but I must!" Fancy Pants said. "I cannot allow your husband’s kindness to go unrewarded...please I insist!"

"Hey...free food." Jon said with a shrug before downing the remainder of his drink.

"Oh monsieur! You are too kind to a man as…vulgar as monsieur Stewart" Gustave said. "But that will not be necessary...his meal has already been taken care of."

"By who?" Jon asked.

"Why who else? Ze Princess herself of course." Gustave answered. "For you see Celestia instructed me that your bill should be sent to her toot sweet at the end of the night."

"Oh well that was very nice of her." Tracey commented.

"Though it does make sense, I doubt human currency carry much weight here in Equestria." Fancy Pants said.

"Honey, wasn't that nice of her?" Tracey asked Jon who didn't answer back. Instead his eyes were closed as he was in deep thought. For a second Tracey thought her husband had fallen asleep from all the alcohol till he opened his eyes again to address the French Griffon.

"So Gustave...are you telling me the Princess left her tab open to me?" Jon asked.

"Oui oui Stewart zis is correct." Gustave answered. Again Jon found himself eyes closed and deep in thought but it didn't last long for soon a devilish smile found its way onto his face and he began to laugh to himself.

"Honey, are you alright?" Tracey asked.

"Indeed Jon you seem...disturbed." Fancy Pants added.

"No, no, FP I'm just fine," Jon said. "In fact I'm so good I'm going to pay for your meal tonight!"

Before he could object Jon swung around to address his wife.

"Hey honey you hear that? Gustave said the meals on Celestia," Jon said. "I don't know about you but I'm starting to feel a second wind coming on." Tracey's confused expression quickly changed to that of understanding.

"Hey Gustave!" Jon said. "Put Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis' meal on us and bring us another bottle of wine, NO...make it two!"

"Oh uh...of course monsieur of, course...very good." He said as he wrote down their order. "Will zer be anything else you désir."

"Oh you have no idea," Jon said, "But before I go any further...I…I would like to make a special request."

Tracey had an idea of what he was up to but Fancy Pants and his mate were confused as to what he was planning.

"Just name it and I, Gustave Le Grand, will do my best to accommodate!" He said.

"Great...you know that black coated photographer who hangs around your restaurant?" Jon asked.

"Ugh yes...monsieur Shutter Speed." Gustave said, pronouncing his name in the same way one would describe a tapeworm. "I have had...the pleasure of dealing with him from time to time."

"Great!" Jon exclaimed. "I would like to talk with him...could you please show him in?"

Gustave looked beyond surprised by Jon's unorthodox request. He was about to challenge his request but decided to swallow his pride and do as he was asked.

"Of...of course monsieur," Gustave said in a tone of fake enthusiasm. "I will fetch him immediately."

With a quick flex of his wings he took off to the entrance of the restaurant leaving the two couples alone once more.

"Jon...what exactly are you up to?" Fancy Pants asked.

"You'll see." He answered, taking a sip of his wine.

It took about five minutes for Gustave to return with Shutter Speed flying close behind. Jon saw him coming a mile away since the white interior of the building made the dark colored Pegasus stand out even more. Soon the two of them flew in front of the booth where Jon was eagerly waiting.

"Ahem...monsieur Shutter Speed." Gustave introduced in an uncaring tone.

"Daaang this place is grasshoppa!" He yelled. "Hey Mr. S! Loooong time no see! Thanks for letting me in! I ain't never been inside this place before…how’s the grub?"

Now that he was in a much brighter area Jon noticed some things about Shutter Speed that he didn't notice before. Like how his scarf seemed tattered and beat up like he'd never taken it off a day in his life. That wasn't the only thing that seemed aged either. His eyes looked sunken and glazed like he never slept which made him look older.

But the most surprising feature of all was his tail, or rather his lack of one. Even from his angle Jon could now see that Shutter Speed didn't have anything where he tail should be; not even a stub. On any other day he might've asked as to why that was but at the moment he needed to talk business.

"Thank you very much, I'll take it from here." Jon said to the unimpressed griffon.

"Yeah Gusty you can go now," Shutter Speed said before giving him a hardly slap on the back. "Don't worry I promise I won't break anything."

"Yes; quite." Gustave said.

“Oh hey! Before you go!” Shutter Speed said. “Mind if I got the number of that hotty working the front? I think she digs me!”

Ignoring him Gustave walked away. Jon waited for the sound of him flying before talking to his photographer friend.

"Shutter Speed I need a favor from you." Jon said.

"Name it!" Shutter said. Before Jon could continue Tracey cleared her throat to get his attention.

"Oh right...uh before we go on I'd like you to meet my friends: Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis." Jon said.

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Speed." Fancy Pants said. As expected Fleur de Lis didn't say anything but instead laid her long neck against Fancy Pant's shoulders. Shutter Speed didn't give him a formal handshake but instead yanked him forward for a hug liked he'd known him for years.

"Fancy is right! You look like the kind of pony who talks using five dollar words." Shutter Speed joked. Looking over his eyes eventually found Fleur de lis. He gave her a wink and offered to shake her hoof too but she wasn’t interested. Getting the hint he gave up and went back over to Jon. "So about that favor?"

"Yes, I need you to take a picture." Jon continued. Shutter Speed waited to see if there was anything else he wanted to add. When Jon said nothing he commented.

"That's it?" He asked. "Just a picture."

"Yes but not just any picture," Jon explained. "This one is for posterity and it’ll be sent to a dear friend of mine."

"Who?" Shutter Speed asked.

"Well...ok to understand why I'm doing this I need to tell you my plan." He said, motioning for him to come in closer. Jon began to whisper something into the photographer's ear which caused his continued smile to grow even wider the more he listened.

"Understand?" Jon asked.

"Oh ho, ho, Mr. S yous is one sly beast!" Shutter Speed said.

"So you'll do it?" He asked.

"Mr. S...for you, anything." Shutter Speed said. "This is going to be totally grasshoppa!"

After getting the ok Jon slide out of his booth and made his way to the stage.

"I'll be right back!" He called out to his wife. Without even asking Jon threw himself back on stage where he quickly grabbed the microphone he had used not ten minutes ago.

"Hello? Everyone could I please have your attention!?" Jon said to the crowd. The sound of conversations and silverware on fine plates halted and soon all eyes were on him.

"Yes, hello me again...listen I just wanted to thank you all once more for letting me perform for you all this night." Jon said. "It was an experience that I will truly never forget...now I know you all probably want to get back to your meals so I'll make this quick...I have an announcement to make!"

Later that night:

The duties of a Princess can be annoying at times. They can spring up at any moment, and no matter what the situation it always demands your immediate attention. Celestia was brooding on this very thought in her private bedroom as she signed away paper after paper.

Earlier that night she got to meet Tracey McShane for the very first time but was unable to talk for very long. Her original plan was to escort them personally to the Alimentaire Cheval and perhaps even join them for a brief time but at the last second she was called away to take care of some important business. For the rest of the night her only company would be a castle servant, some documents that needed her hoof signature, and the occasional cup of tea.

She wondered if it was perhaps too mean of a prank to not tell Jon that she had signed him up to perform but deep down she knew he would do alright. She did regret missing the chance to see him on stage but at the same time she knew she'd hear about it soon enough from the grapevines.

"Princess?" A muffled voice called out. "May I enter?"

Celestia looked up from a contract she was reading to see her loyal mare-servant awkwardly trying to balance a tea set on her back while keeping some letters and a package in her mouth. She was a young Eathpony with a light brown body and and a bright green mane. She wore thick glasses that covered almost half of her face and her mane and tail were always messy.

"Dear Garnet, do come in." Celestia said in her usual calm tone. "Remember you needn't ask permission to enter I trust you entirety."

The unbalanced pony entered swaying back and forth to balance the tea set. At about halfway through Celestia assisted by using her magic to snag the drinks from off her back, placing it nicely in front of herself.

"Uh...t-thanks!" Garnet said with a blush.

"You're very welcome," Celestia said. "...Is there something you wish to give me?"

Looking confused at first Garnet quickly realized that she was still holding the princess' mail in her mouth.

"Oh sorry!" She said. She quickly trotted up to her royal boss and placed a letter and a white box tied with black string in front of her. "This came for you...f-from Canterlot city."

Taking the letter first Celestia immediately recognized the seal on the letter being from the restaurant she had ordered to accommodate Jon.

"Ah this must be Jon's bill," Celestia said out loud. "Thank you, Garnet. That will be all for now."

"O-of course your Majesty!" Garnet said bowing down so low her glasses almost fell off. "If you need anything else I'll be outside."

With that Garnet turned and made her way to the door while Celestia multitasked by breaking the seal of the letter and using her magic to lift a new cup of tea gently to her mouth.

The second the tea flowed onto her tongue and down her throat she began to violently cough and convulse like she'd be kicked in the stomach. A very surprised and frightened Garnet turned around to see her Princess gasping for breath.

"PRINCESS! Are you alright!?" She called out. In a panic she ran up and saw that the tea she had delivered to her was now spilled in all directions. "Oh...oh no..."

Not knowing what to do at first she stood there watching as Celestia struggled to breathe. She then turned to and ran for the door yelling as loudly as she could.

"Somepony help!" She yelled. "The Princess has been poisoned!" She almost made it to the door when an unknown force stopped her from going any further. Looking back she realized what it was, Celestia had used her magic to stop her in her tracks.

"Wait...Garnet, s-stop." Celestia said, still coughing up her drink. "I'm...I'm fine this isn't...poison."

Rushing back to the side of her Princess, Garnet gently began patting Celestia's back to help her along.

"A-are you sure!?" She asked, getting a nod in return. Garnet now realized she was touching the Princess without permission and recoiled her hoof accordingly. She took a step back and watched as Celestia regained her regal composure. "Then...then what's the matter?"

Using her magic Celestia levitated the letter she had previously opened and showed it to her worried servant. Garnet carefully inspected it and her legs nearly gave out in the process. The letter in question was as Celestia suspected, a bill for Jon and Tracey's meal at the Alimentaire Cheval. That part wasn't what caused Celestia to nearly drown in her own tea, it was the total amounted owed.

"Total: 872,659 bits"

No one said anything. Celestia just starred the massive bill in front of her, confused as she was horrified. In truth this much bits meant nothing to her. Compared to the overall funds she had at her disposal this was barely a drop in the ocean but nevertheless she was still left wondering.

"How?" Celestia thought to herself. "How could those two have produced such a massive check?"

Celestia shook her head and convinced herself that this was nothing more than some kind of clerical error on the restaurant's part. To confirm her suspicions she let the letter unfurl itself to see what they had ordered. And like a boomerang her disbelief came right back when she saw the bill fall to the floor. She sifted through section after section of the invoice which was twice as long as her own body.

She carefully read each entry of the long paper which detailed all that they had ordered.

"320 servings of Cobb salad."

"487 servings of Manhattan style pasta"

"743 servings of celery sticks"

"893 servings of spinach dip."

"912 servings of Chili bowls."

"1689 bowls of tomato soup."

"3980 glasses of deluxe Canterlot wine."

The list went on and on with seemingly no end to it. For the briefest of moments Celestia entertained the thought that perhaps Jon and Tracey did consume this much, she quickly dismissed the idea soon after. She wasn't an expert on humans but she knew that it was impossible for them to consume this much food, no creature could.

As she sat there trying to understand all this her assistant chimed in.

"Um...it also came with this." She said offering Celestia a white box with another note tied to it. Quickly she took the letter and used her magic to open it. It was a letter addressed to her...from Jon.

The letter read:

Dear Princess Celestia:

Today I've learned the importance of helping others and sharing. So to that end I have taking it upon myself to pay for everyone's meal at the restaurant. And since you so graciously decided to pay for my meal tonight, the bill has been sent to you. So from all us here at the Alimentaire Cheval, we thank you for your generosity!

-Your faithful human, Jon Stewart

Celestia couldn't help but laugh at herself. She knew better than to try and match comical wits with Jon and yet she tried anyway; brought down by her own hubris. She looked back at the letter to reread it when she noticed that there was a clause at the very end she hadn't noticed before.

PS: Look in the box; we saved you a piece.

For a second Celestia wondered what box the note was referring to but she quickly remembered that package that came along with it. She looked passed the note at a small white paper pox before her which had the same seal on it as the note that contained the massive bill. To her embarrassment there were some tea stains on it from her coughing fit.

When she opened it she saw two things: A piece of chocolate cake encased in a plastic container and a picture resting on top of it.

The picture was of the Alimentaire Cheval's interior with a large number of ponies in the background including that gaudy statue of herself that Celestia never liked. In the foreground were Jon and Tracey, hand in hand waving at the camera, each of them holding a very expensive glass of wine as if to taunt her. They looked happy and so did every pony in the picture.

Celestia's eyes wandered over to the delicious looking slice of cake. It was her favorite; chocolate cheesecake. Placing the picture face down on the ground she took a deep sigh and made plans to eat her cake of defeat.

It was at this point however that she noticed the picture had some writing on the back. It was quick note followed by Jon's signature. She read it to herself and promptly gave a spirited laugh.

"Leaving an open tab to a Jew from New Jersey...are you mad?" -Jon Stewart.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Please welcome to the show Fancy Pants

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Fancy Pants
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

Whenever Jon takes a trip to Equestria, for business or otherwise, he always found himself having a new appreciation for someone. The last time he went to Canterlot it was to get Octavia on his show and he soon found himself humbled by Earthponies in the music industry which, from what he understood, was a mostly Unicorn dominated field.

This time around Jon's dinner date in Equestria gave him a far better appreciation for the new member of the family, Trixie. Not because she was the one who suggested they get the princess to set them up for a night on the town, though that certainly was a factor. No, this time around Jon found himself forever thankful for Trixie's presence because she helped him get over his massive hangover. A hangover so large that he almost considered having her run the house for the entire day while he and Tracey called in sick.

Considering that Jon was about two or three decades older that he should have been to be consuming the amount of alcohol that was given to him that night, it's not difficult to see why he had a hard time getting up that morning. He and Tracey awoke feelings like someone and jammed a corkscrew into the side of their heads and wouldn't stop turning it. An apt feeling since Jon used an actual more times that night than ever before when he opened bottle after bottle of free wine; all on Celestia's royal tab.

Thankfully it was around this time that Trixie discovered the two delirious adults half passed in their beds, they’re clothes mangled or discarded, and bottles of free wine scattered everywhere. She revealed that she knew a healing spell or two that could cure the bothersome aftereffects that was their big date night. And, after a quick flick of her horn, she did just that. Thought it would have taken a much stronger healing spell to help Trixie’s back which almost snapped in half when Jon gave her a thankful hug for her services.

With a head now free of fog and a body refreshed from a long nights rest Jon was ready to continue his week vacation. And, after a few days passed from then, he was also ready for his interview with his new friend, Fancy Pants.

--

The Show that day went very well. Throughout the first two segments Jon worried that the dreary interior of the backstage waiting room would be not up to standards for the pristine Unicorn. But as his staff assured him later that day he was an absolute gentleman who wanted nothing more than for time to accelerate so he could finally get a chance to talk with Jon one on one…and maybe a cup of tea.

As the camera panned over to the center of the stage it zoomed in on Jon Stewart who was busily flipping in his pen in his hand, occasionally flicking in the air and catching before it landed on the table. The audience had barely begun to lower their volume when Jon officially began the third segment of the show.

"Welcome back...to the Daily show! My guest tonight!" Jon yelled over the audience. "He is a businesspony from Equestria who is widely regarded as 'The most important pony in Canterlot.'" He paused to give the boys in the back time to play the clip made available to them from Celestia.

"Fucking tourists." Jon said, shaking his head back and forth. "Please welcome to the show, Fancy Pants!"

The music that accompanies most guests began to play which to the audience was the first sign to make as much noise and humanly possible. The second sign came in the form of Fancy Pants making his way onto the stage, waving spiritedly at the audience as he made his way to Jon.

He still wore roughly the same attire as he did the night before which by Canterlot standards was considering pretty casual, but to those watching he looked as if he was getting ready to accept an award. In addition he also had a little satchel which was made from only the finest material to match his outfit. Jon met him just as he was about to sit down and shook his hoof. The two of them waved at the audience in unison as if they had done so many times and took their respective seats.

"Welcome to the Daily Show, Fancy Pants." Jon said as he sat down. "And may I say...you look great." Using his magic the blue haired unicorn placed his bag onto the desk and brought his mug of water within arm’s reach.

"Oh why thank you, dear sir," Fancy Pants said. "By the way here, I brought you something." His horn glowed a faint blue aura as he carefully removed a bottle of wine from his bag and onto the table, prompting some audience members to cheer him on.

"It's the same brand as we had last night." He added. "You seemed quite fond of it so I got you another one from my private cellar...good year too, it's almost as old as you." The revelation that Jon had been out drinking coupled with Fancy Pant's unintentional jest of Jon's age made the audience laugh.

"Oh well uh, thank you very much." Jon said taking the bottle and placing it under his desk, as he thought about how much he did not want to touch another drop of alcohol again, less he had a repeat of his headache from that night.

"Now, uh…n-now then before we go any further…I just to make one thing perfectly clear...your name is Fancy Pants," Jon said putting heavy emphasis on his last name. "...Really?"

"Yes, yes I am quite aware," Fancy Pants said. He briefly looked behind him at his exposed bottom half then back at Jon. "Trust me I've heard it all before."

"Oh, I don't think you have." Jon said as he adjusted his tie and played with his pages of notes. "Now...now they call you 'the most important pony in Canterlot'...con-considering that Celestia also lives in Canterlot I mean...why is that? Who--what did you do to get top billing over, oh I don't know, your ruler and god of your world!?"

Before answering Fancy Pants took a deep sigh and used his magic to clear the desk of his bag.

"Oh I do so detest that title," Fancy Pants said. "It was given to me mostly because of my lineage...you see I come from a long line of ponies dating all the way back to the founding of Canterlot."

"Oh I see," Jon said as he scooted closer to his guest. "So your family is uh, well respected in the…Canterlot community?"

"Oh yes, quite right, quite right. You see my great grandfather help establish some of the major boroughs and sections of the city." Fancy Pants explained. "And his father started off poor but supported his family by working hard as a door to door salesman in the area."

The story of Fancy Pant’s family was very intriguing to Jon. However one part of his explanation seemed a bit off.

"W-w-wait…I thought you said his son helped establish Canterlot?" Jon asked.

"Indeed he did," Fancy Pants assured him. "Before that Canterlot was barely a colony."

"Well if that's the case what good would a door to door salesman be if...if there wasn't even a town let alone doors?" Jon asked.

"I said he was 'hardworking,'" Fancy Pants chuckled. "I never said he was smart." This caused Jon to laugh so hard he almost had knocked over his mug of water when he flailed his arm across the table to hold himself up. The audience followed Jon in a laugh of their own while Fancy Pants took a sip of his own water.

"So...so what uh, so what kinds of things do-- did he sell?" Jon asked. "Bonus points if it turns out he was a second hand pants salesman."

"Well to be honest as a traveling salesman he sold a great many things. What you need to understand is this was very early on in the development of territory in that region. So a lot of things were scarce." Fancy Pants answered. "Generally speaking he sold whatever ponies needed most at the time. But from what I gathered he and later on his son made their name as pot dealers."

Jon didn't say anything at this point, though he did look very surprised. He instead remained silent and let his audience fill the void of silence by faithfully cheering at the mere mention of marijuana.

"I'm sorry but...pot dealer?" Jon asked with a straight if a bit confused face.

"Why yes of course, Jon." Fancy Pants reassured him. He picked up on Jon's confusion and decided to further explain. "You see Jon...my great, great, Grandfather found that no matter who you are or what you do you'll eventually need to do some cooking...in his travels he sold many varieties of pots. He sold them to kitchens, households, and even gave a deluxe bundle to Princess Celestia who at the time didn't have a royal cooking set."

The crowd continued to laugh as Jon nodded his head in understanding.

"Oh I see," Jon said rubbing his brow. "He uh, he sold pots and pans...like for cooking soup."

"Well of course he did, dear boy." Fancy Pants said. "Why...what did you think I meant?"

Again Jon opted to not answer but instead slowly turn his head over the audience who laughed at the bewilderment of the guest, who would remain unaware of his ignorance for quite some time.

"Um...what about your family?" Fancy Pants asked to fill the awkward silence. "Were they also in the entrainment industry? Or did they make their living doing something else?"

"Well...I think my great grandfather, on my mother's side, was responsible for relocating the family to America at the turn of the century." Jon said. "As for my father...well my father's side of the family is completely Jewish so for a brief chunk of time we don't really like remember our own history."

The audience chuckled at Jon facetiousness but without proper context on Fancy Pant's part he was left still very confused as to what he was referencing.

"Ok so…we know your grandfather and his old man sold...pot," Jon summarized to get things back on his guest. "But tell me Fancy Pants what...what, what, do you do? Where-- how did you continue your family’s legacy?"

"Well it's not just me Jon...each child born under the Pants family is tasked with making a name for him or herself. For example my brother Spiffy Pants is doing quite well up north as a film director," Fancy Pants answered. "As for me I guess you can call me a pony of industry."

"Alright and what exactly do you produce?" Jon asked. "Again bonus points if it's some kind of pants like entity."

"Well to understand what I do for a living you should know that when I was told I had to go out into Equestria and start my own business I didn't know what direction I wanted to go in," Fancy Pants explained as he used his magic to rub his monocle against his collar. "I eventually looked at what my great, great Grandfather did and decided to follow his business model."

"So you...you sell whatever it is that people need?" Jon asked.

"Actually interesting fact about me," Fancy Pants said as he grabbed his mug of water in preparation. "I've actually never created, sold, or distributed a single thing in my entire life."

As he took a sip of his water the crowd chuckled at the curious look on Jon's face.

"I'm a bit confused." Jon said bluntly "What...uh, that is what exactly do you do?"

"It's quite simple really. I run a company that specializes in...well running other companies." Fancy Pants said. "You see my organization, Fancy Pants Corp, goes around buying small businesses and gives them a safe and effective environment to work in, thus utilizing them to their full potential.”

After his brief explanation Fancy Pants saw an unconvinced look on Jon's face. It was the same look he'd seen from countless others when he revealed what he did for a living, including his own father when he first proposed the idea many years ago. On the surface it sounded as if Fancy Pants was a capitalist pony who went around buying out small businesses to cut the competition but in practice what he did was much more wholesome.

"Allow me to give an example if I may...I remember there was once a major conglomerate up north called Lava Corp, that specialized in manufacturing spare parts for trains and railways. The standard wheels, bumpers, and the like," Fancy Pants explained. "Now then...one of their subsidiaries was a small company that produced wheels and nothing else. Their sales were so low however that Lava threatened to terminate their entire contract and leave them without jobs. Unfortunately their sales remained subpar and as a result their entire staff got laid off."

"I'm assuming this is where you came in?" Jon asked as he leaned back as if to observe him.

"That's correct. After their contract was terminated I confronted the company manager so see if they would want to work for me. As it turned out the reason they didn't do so well was because the Lava Corporation’s work environment was abysmal. They constantly made employees work overtime with little to no inventive and basically forced them to cut corners to make unreasonable deadlines." Fancy Pants explained while trying not to get too riled up. "The crowning moment of Lava's ineptitude was when they refused to order an expensive type of metal that would have almost guaranteed that the wheels would perform better in cold environments. The head foreman in charge refused to make wheels that weren't safe and that was when they all got fired...fast forward to today and that same small tire business now works for me at Fancy Pants Corp, producing tires that have been voted most trusted brand in all of Equestria six years in a row now."

Both Jon and Fancy Pants remained silent as the audience cheered and hollered at idea of a corporation treating their workers with respect.

"Wow...th-that's very impressive." Jon commented. "And what about the other subsets of your company? Do they do just as well?"

"Oh indeed they do, Jon," Fancy Pants answered. "In fact not only are 62% of companies who work under me the top of their field, but as based on last years adjusted earnings statistics each of my subsidiaries have turned a profit."

"I’m not a business man but I must that’s very impressive!" Jon said. "Is there anything you can't do?" Instead of dismissing his question Fancy Pants actually put some thought into an appropriate answer.

"...I can't play golf." He said in a blunt tone that made Jon laugh. "Honestly I'm just awful at the sport."

"Well...that aside...It really seems you really care about everyone who works for you." Jon commented.

"Well yes of course! You see that in a nutshell is my business model. I find ponies who are trying to start a business and nurture them so they can succeed. If you have a great idea for a product then come work for me and I guarantee you'll be put in a safe and productive work environment where the exchange of ideas is encouraged and the product is not put above the employee." Fancy Pants continued. "My company is the leader in benefits, work safety, and the creations of jobs...and not just in Canterlot mind you."

"Oh so you uh...you, you, you also have people working for you in Ponyville and Cloudsdale?" Jon asked.

"Oh my yes, but I've also expanded my reach far beyond that region." Fancy Pants said. "I have imports and exports all over Equestria from Yanhoover to Baltimare...why just recently I received a rather exquisite shipment of tapestry all the way from Saddle Arabia."

Even though Fancy Pant's claims were very impressive, from a business point of view, he couldn't understand why the audience was now laughing at him and why Jon was rubbing his hand across his face.

"Ok...I've accepted a lot of things going into this gig," Jon said in a tired tone of voice. "I've accepted that there's a place called Las Pegasus, I've accepted there's a place called Manehattan. I've even accepted that there is a town called Ponyville...but Saddle Arabia...are you fucking kidding me?"

Fancy Pants didn't answer. Mostly it was because he had no idea what the problem was but also because the crowd's laughter made any explanation at this point too late to dwell on.

"Oh...well anyway going back to your story...uh I mean your company...I must say our business model is a very admirable one." Jon said.

"Yes well…it's my philosophy that a company only does well when you treat it not as a company but as a family," Fancy Pants said. "Although I give full creative control and the final say to the companies I purchase I still try to micromanage as much as possible so I can get to know all the workers employed under me. There hasn't been a single pony working at Fancy Pants Crop that I haven't shaken hooves with at least once."

"Wow. You're like...Bizarro Mitt Romney." Jon said. "You know I'm just going to flat out say it...y-you're not like most rich people."

"Thank you?" Fancy Pants said with a nervous laugh.

"No, no I'm serious! In my line of work I've seen my share of corporate fat cats and...well let me tell ya it's pretty damn hard to find a rich person in this town who doesn't look and act like a Bond villain.” Jon assured him. “So having said that I’m going to tell you this...if you ever...replace your monocle with a uh...uh, uh, with an eye patch and start petting a cat in a swivel chair with a backdrop of the world map I'll take back all those nice things I said about you."

"Well…I'll admit that sometimes we Canterlot folk don't always seem like the most inviting group of ponies and for that I apologize," Fancy Pants said. "But I assure you that deep down all of us only want what's best for others."

"See, right there! That's what I'm talking about! You not only admit that there...that, that sometimes people who live beyond their means are sometimes out of touch but you also apologize for that...do you know who would-- what it would take for one of our guys to do that?" Jon asked an embarrassed looking Fancy Pants. "Because I'll be honest when I first discovered that you were a captain of industry I was surprised to find that your cutie mark wasn’t something like...uh, like a-- you know instead of your three crowns something like three bags with money signs on them or, or something."

Jon's vague description of this alternate cutie mark made Fancy Pants look like he'd seen a friend on the other side of the street.

"Oh no, no, no, no Jon you're thinking of a colleague of mine!" Fancy Pants said. "Yes, good ol' Filthy Rich down in Ponyville...he and his father made quite a name for themselves by cornering the market of zap apple jam."

"Filthy Rich?" Jon said followed by more laughter from the crowd of onlookers. "You know a guy...whose name...is 'Filthy Rich?'"

"Well of course I do. Overall a rather nice chap and a diligent family man…very fit for his age too." Fancy Pants said. "He's actually, if I remember correctly, the richest Earthpony in Equestria. Which is really a great feat when you take into consideration that most wealthy ponies are, like myself, Unicorns. "

"Then what are Earthponies usually known for?" Jon asked.

"Well...Earthponies like everypony else has the capacity to do anything they want and they've proven that time and time again," Fancy Pants explained. "But for the most part a large number Earthpoines are employed for manual labor because of their superior strength. Labor such as working in fields or in industrial factories."

"We have those here in the human world as well. We call them 'Mexicans.'" Jon commented which in turn caused the audience to laugh for a good few seconds. "Now uh...wha-- this friend of yours, 'Filty'...just...seriously? I mean what's his middle name 'Stinkin'?'"

"No, now you’re thinking of his father," Fancy Pants said. "'Stinkin' Rich…he and my father went to school together."

"Ok! I'm done!" Jon said while throwing his arms in the air. Before Fancy could comment Jon got up from his chair and made a motion like he was about to leave the stage, causing both his guest and the audience to laugh and make arm motions as if to coax him into staying.

Eventually Jon did sit back down, and as he did a new topic popped into his head.

"Alright let me ask you this...aside from better, uh w-work environments how else do you use your wealth and influence to better the...the pony community?" Jon asked while making gestures with his hand across the table. When Fancy didn't answer right away he continued with an explanation. "I mean when do you...have you ever done any kinds of charity work or something to that effect?"

“Ah…well yes, yes I do. As a matter of fact I’m putting together a show soon where all the proceeds go to charity.” Fancy explained.

“What kind of show?” Jon asked.

“Well!” Fancy said preparing himself like he was about to give a speech. “I’m putting together a--”

“Because I have an idea or two…’World’s Strongest millionaire!’” Jon interrupted. “Think about it! You and a bunch of other rich ponies get into a steel cage and fight to the death. We can even put you in a singlet, throw some war paint on ya, and give you a ring name like the…’The Canterlot Crusher!’”

While the crowd laughed Fancy Pants did his best to not try to visualize anything Jon had described to him.

“As I was saying…I’m putting together a lovely show for charity, a ballet as it were.” Fancy continued. “With my beautiful partner Fleur de lis as the star.’

“Oh I didn’t know she was an entertainer.” Jon said.

“That’s actually how we met.” Fancy added. “She’s a world class gymnast and dancer…we met once during another charity event quite similar to the one I have planned.”

Usually Jon would have worked this topic more but since he didn’t find his girlfriend that interesting he decided to keep things on his previous topic; giving their small amount of time left.

“Now aside from that does your…I mean do you ever do any other forms of charity through your company?” Jon asked, hoping to see if to expose more about his business practices.

"I do actually. I've lead the charge within my own company to set up a relief fund for cities who come under attack." Fancy Pants explained. "It was an idea that I adopted from a local Ponyville mare by the name of Punch Drunk...it's called the Equestrian relief fund under the Homefront foundation. Basically whenever a major city in the area gets attacked they get fundings, which pulls resources from all my correspondence as well as money from my own estate, to help them rebuild their homes."

Again the crowd cheered at the selflessness of the cultured pony in a neatly pressed suit and bow tie.

"The last time we used the funding to any significant degree was when Canterlot was under attack by the Changlings," Fancy Pants continued. "Our beloved city was covered with green excrements for weeks and a few buildings were damaged."

Jon wanted to ask so many questions, like what are Changlings or why they were invaded but in the interest of time he decided to save that for another day. He instead decided to continue the topic of his relief fund.

"Now you're from Canterlot so you have-- I mean over there you're a well-known figure so it makes sense that you'd pony up, no pun intended, the money needed to help your fellow Unicorns." Jon said trying to sound respectful. "But has this Homefront foundation ever had to use this....uh, this funding for anyone else?"

"Oh well of course Jon. As I said any major city in Equestria is eligible to use our finances when they are in trouble." Fancy Pants answered. "Even towns as close as Ponyville and Cloudsdale have been helped by this funding at one point or another."

"Wait, wait, wait...Ponyville?" Jon asked.

"Of course." Fancy Pants answered.

"So you're telling me...that whenever...whenever Ponyville is invaded you guys front the bill to get them back on their fee--er hooves?" Jon asked.

"If a panel of investors within the foundation deems their requests valid enough to warrant assistant then yes we do," Fancy Pants said. He then shifted the tone of his voice to sound less like he was reading from a contract. "But in the case of our good friends over in Ponyville the answer is 'yes'...whenever they come under attack we help them out."

"How are you not bankrupt right now?" Jon asked causing Fancy Pants to burst out laughing so hard his monocle fell from his face. "Seriously! From what I've heard that place gets invaded like a middle Eastern country with oil." The Joke went over well with the audience but as expected was somewhat lost on Fancy Pants.

"Yes, well...it's actually funny you should mention that because a high ranking official within the foundation actually shared your disbelief," Fancy Pants said making sure not to drop any specific names. "He actually suggested that Ponyville was running some kind of scam since, out of all the cities requesting assistance, they had requisitioned us the most. He believed they were fabricating false claims just to get money or even causing these attacks on purpose...he was so convinced that they were defrauding us that he ordered an investigation to see if they had everything in order."

“Cooking the books, huh?” Jon asked. "Whatever happened the case?"

"It was eventually dropped at my personal request," Fancy Pants answered. "We take grand larceny very seriously but I knew our sister city was being honest with us...granted I did suggest that, although we would happily assist them whenever they needed, they should probably invest in some form of militia."

This caused Jon to laugh more than he had expected. He also dreaded what his wife might say since she already didn't particularity like the idea of him going to Equestria without protection.

"We're almost out of time so before we go I would like...that is to say I want to know a little more about you personally," Jon said. "Like...uh ok we...we know what you do business wise but what are your hobbies...what do you like to do when you're not handing out free money or shaking hooves with constituents."

Instead of answering right away Fancy Pants tilted his head to the side to think for a few seconds about an answer worth talking about. He had one but he was a bit embarrassed.

"This...may not sound very healthy for a colt in my position...but I am rather fond of gambling." Fancy Pants said with an innocent grin. "Don't get me wrong I don't do it professionally or anything to that nature. I just enjoy engaging in the culture on a social level with my close friends and colleagues."

"Any uh, any game in particular you like the most?" Jon asked.

"If I had to pick I'd say the dog races." Fancy Pants answered. "I can't explain it but it's quite invigorating...I even have my own hound that I have somepony take care of and display at the race tracks."

"How different is it when they-- is it different when you're betting on a creature that you can communicate with?” Jon asked. "Are you just like 'Hey dog if you win this race I won't have you fixed.'" As the crowd laughed Fancy Pants just gave the host a look as if he wasn't sure if he was being serious or not.

"Um...Jon," Fancy Pants said, leaning in. "Dogs can't talk." The crowd laughed again but this time squarely at Jon. It was on this day that Jon learned not all animals in Equestria have the gift of speech.

"Oh of course I should have known!" Jon said in a smug, though joking tone. "Now, now you say that you gamble socially with your pals which…I uh…I can, can only assume means they are well off financially like yourself. Am I right?"

"I like to think I have a wide, diverse group of acquaintances but yes a large number of them are wealthy like myself." Fancy Pants answered.

"Now...as a comedian I gotta ask...do you guys ever share upper class jokes with each other?" Jon asked, getting a confused look in return.

"What exactly do you mean?" Fancy Pants said.

"Like well...ok here's one I heard a rich dude say about poor people." Jon said as he made fake gestures like he was stretching. "What do you call two homeless people beating on each other with cardboard boxes...a pillow fight!"

Half the audience laughed while the other half made "aww" noises like they were offended.

"Really?" Jon said to the audience. "That's going over the line?"

"Well...well now that you mention it," Fancy Pants said with a conflicted expression. "I have...heard some of my friends use colorful humor about those who some might consider 'beneath us.'"

"Go ooooon!" Jon said with a grin and raised eyebrows. Before continued Fancy made a face like he was about to back out but after a quick deep breath he continued.

"Ok...why...why does Ponyville have all the Earthpoines and Manehattan have all the sewage centers?" Fancy Pants asked waiting a second before answering his own question. "...Because Manehattan got first pick."

The crowed either laughed or groaned while Jon wrote the joke down on his notes which made Fancy feel somewhat uncomfortable.

"Oh that's a good one." Jon said. "I'll have to remember that for later."

"But it's not like we can't take a joke ourselves!" Fancy Pants assured Jon. "I once heard this joke from an Earthpony back at one of my factories...How many Earthpoines does it take to screw in a light bulb; one, they do it themselves. How many Pegasi does it take to screw in a light bulb; one, they fly up and do it themselves. How many Unicorns does it take to screw in a light bulb--"

"Also one." Jon interrupted. "They use their magic."

"Actually the answer is, zero." Fancy Pants corrected. "They'll hire the Earthpony to do it." The joke was somewhat expected but Jon shared a good laugh with the audience nonetheless.

"You know what Fancy Pants...howsabout you and me head on over to the Alimentaire Cheval, order a bottle of wine or two and just share jokes all night long to help me for when I do standup over there again?" Jon asked as he extended his hand for a friendly shake.

"That sounds absolutely marvelous!" Fancy Pants said as he took the host's hand.

"My man! Thanks again for coming on the show today." Jon said turning to the camera. "Fancy Pants everyone! We'll be right back!"

The crowd cheered and rose to their feet which forced the camera to pan upwards a little higher to get a good shot of Jon and his Unicorn friend. Before going to commercial break Jon leaned in to whisper something into Fancy Pant's ear while he himself awkwardly multitasked by waving at the audience.

Soon the screen filled with The Daily Show logo which quickly disappeared leaving the screen to go black for a few seconds before going to its final commercial break.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: A bad day to be Jon Stewart.

Some people wake up and can immediately know if they will have a good or a bad day. For Jon, this day was in the latter category. A day where everything that could have gone wrong did, and for him it started the literal moment he woke up.

As a parent of two very young children, Jon's mornings usually started off with him waking up to the sound of something breaking or a fight brought about by some petty disagreement. This meant that he'd get up when they did, which was usually very early and indeed on this day he did just that. It wasn't because of any direct cause from Nathan and Maggie, but from his own body deciding that it would be best for him to wake him up almost two hours ahead of schedule.

Opening his eyes caused Jon to tilt his body to the side in order to avoid the ray of light that was beaming through a space in the window and directly onto his face. It was only when he did this that he realized he was alone in his comfy king-sized mattress. Tracey was nowhere to be found.

For Jon this wasn't too unheard of, since she usually got up to get things started before anyone else; himself especially. But nevertheless, he was never opposed to the idea waking up to the sight of his lovely wife's face, or indeed the warmth of her body against his.

That being said, Jon felt absolutely terrible. His body ached all over and his throat felt dry and uncomfortable like someone had been sliding a piece of sandpaper in and out of his esophagus while he slept. In addition, he felt weak, like his bones might break, and he was starting to get a headache. All this wasn't too uncommon for someone of his age, but even so, Jon already knew what all this meant; he was catching a cold.

Since he was up earlier than expected, Jon tried his hardest to go back to sleep. He still felt tired but his body was determined to stay awake. He tried closing his eyes, hiding under the covers, and placing a pillow over his head, but no degree of darkness could convince his body to hibernate.

The thought of laying around being unproductive may have guilted a lesser man to get up and do something worthwhile with their free time, but for a man as evolved as Jon the fact that he wasn't doing anything at this hour meant he was winning. That is, until his bladder told him that if he didn't leave for the nearest bathroom anytime soon he would regret it.

With a long, drawn out sigh, Jon flipped the covers from atop his body and in one motion leapt from his bed and stood straight up. In fact he did this in such a full motion that he got a head rush so powerful he almost fell back down on his pillowy mound.

He took a couple of steps forward and his joints creaked and popped appropriately in rhythm with a loose floorboard or two in his room. Most mornings started off like this to the point where it felt routine to him.

His head still felt as if it was filled with helium as he exited his room and walked down the hallway to the bathroom. He figured since he was already up he might as well take a shower; if nothing else it would help him fully wake up. As Jon continued shambling down the hallway he kept one hand against the wall for balance since his ailment had left him somewhat lopsided, which didn't help any when found himself now plummeting to the ground.

If Jon wasn't fully awake before, he was now. Even in his delirious state he could tell he was just a couple feet away from the bathroom, but before he actually had the chance to enter he had tripped over something and landed flat on his stomach, knocking the air out of his lungs. There was only one person in the area that could have checked to see if he was alright, but unfortunately that same person was the thing he tripped over.

"HEY!" It screamed. "Get off of me you blundering oaf!" Instead of getting up, Jon painfully rolled over to his back to see what he had tripped over. To his surprise, it was of course, Trixie, who had been waiting just outside the bathroom door.

"Ugh! Watch where you're going next time!" she demanded. Part of Jon's leg was still on her so she used her magic to fling it away. "I know you’re old and aren't as agile as you used to be but that's no excuse for such...clumsy behavior."

As much as Jon loved Trixie, he was not in the mood for this at moment.

"I'm fine by the way," Jon said, picking himself up. "Thanks for asking." As if to distance himself from her, he leaned against the wall opposite of the mare, the bathroom door placed in between them.

"Ahem!" Trixie said, making a motion to her flank. "The line starts here!" Jon didn't move, he instead looked to the side and cocked an ear to see if he could hear who was occupying the room.

"Who's in there?" Jon asked.

"Nathan," Trixie answered bluntly. "Tracey told him to wash his hands before he could eat breakfast." This time Jon looked ahead, off to where the railings were. He didn't hear the sound of cooking, nor could be smell anything; though, that may have been because of his congested nose.

"What are we having?" he asked.

"Waffles, ham, and jam toast for us," she answered, "and an apple with some granola for you...and maybe some cereal if Tracey says it's okay."

"Sounds yummy," Jon said in a placid tone. Throughout their little small talk, Trixie never made eye contact with Jon, as she was staring at the bathroom door with Zen-like focus. She then slowly moved her head to get a good look at him. He was rubbing his eyes and making noises like he was auditioning to voice a zombie in a movie.

"You look terrible, by the way," Trixie said. She didn't particularly care to see how he'd react, so she looked back at the door.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you too," Jon said in a tone of voice that was halfway between tired and annoyed. "I'd say the same about you but—"

"But the Great and Powerful Trixie looks great?" she said, flipping her mane to the side. "Why yes…Trixie already knows this."

"...I was going to see, but that would be mean." Jon continued. As much as he'd hate to admit it, she did have a point. By pony standards (a concept that Jon still didn't fully grasp) Trixie was still very youthful and vivacious. Even now, with the exception of slightly messy hair, she looked great for someone having just woken up not too long ago.

"Anyway, come back when you’re my age and see if you're still looking that good every morning," he added.

"Trust me I will!" Trixie argued. "A few decades from now when I'm an elder pony I’ll still be doing a better job of running this place than you. Then I'll have proved once and for all who the better one is." Jon seemed surprised about her confidence in that she'd still be here long after his departure.

"You really think you'll still be here by that time?" Jon asked. His somewhat poorly-worded question caused Trixie to give him a dirty look. "Not that I'm saying I wouldn't want you here for that long...believe you me when I say you're a part of this family I mean it, but...I mean don't you ever get homesick? Don't you ever miss your own world or want to go back to every now and again?"

Her dirty look didn't go away, instead she swung her head to the side and gave an audible snort as if she was a bull ready to charge.

"Hmph! Go back to that ungrateful world? I think not!" she snapped. "Why waste my time in a place that obviously doesn't want me...getting rejected everywhere I go by ponies who don't understand me...so no I don't miss my world...besides without me hanging around this place would fall apart."

Jon felt somewhat guilty for unintentionally bringing up her past. He remembered the interview he had with her which ultimately resulted in her being trapped in the human world. In it, he recalled how hard her life was growing up and how difficult it was trying to make it on her own. Ultimately, it worked out since she now had permanent residents in the Stewart house.

But even still, Jon knew her past wasn’t her favorite conversation topic, so to help make this less tense, Jon got down on one knee to match her eye level.

"Well, Trixie...always remember that...no matter what, you are a valued member of this family," Jon said. "And no matter what you do or where you go, you'll always have a home and a family here."

Jon's kind words felt as warm and inviting to Trixie as a blanket straight out of the dryer. Had it been any other person they would have respectively given the time to express their gratitude, but this was Trixie and her ego wouldn't allow it.

"Please, Stewart, do not act like I want to be here. My world may not be perfect but still..." she said in a smug tone. "If it weren't for those kids and the fact that I still haven't recovered all my magic, I probably would have left this dump a long time ago."

"Oh don't say that, Trixie," Jon said with a smile and forced sad tone. "You keep saying such things and you'll hurt my feelings!"

"Is that so?" she said. "Well, well, well! Had I known you were such a sensitive crybaby perhaps I would've gone easy on you...seriously though, such weakness if unbecoming of a man of your position."

Trixie was an expert at belittling people, but even her crass insults couldn't penetrate Jon's leather-thick skin; decades of dealing with hecklers at comedy clubs made sure of that. With her insult yielding no results, she trotted over to meet him face to face in one last ditch effort to get a rise out of him.

"Also," she said, jabbing her hoof into his stomach. "You’re fat." But again nothing. Jon just responded by petting Trixie on the head with a smile like what he'd give to his children whenever they presented him a crayon drawing. Clearly annoyed, Trixie walked back over to her original spot and sat down as if she was tired.

"You really don't fight back much, do you?" she asked.

"No. I'm more of a turn the other cheek kind of guy," Jon answered. "Also I'm Jewish."

"I still don't know what that means," she said.

"It means we take things in stride," he answered.

A moment of silence followed with Jon stretching his muscles, then addressing his reluctant friend.

"You know, not to sound like a therapist, cause lord knows that's what my mother wanted me to be...but anyway, you can insult me all you want but you can't fool me. Your little defense mechanism thing you got going on here...tissue thin." Jon said with a chuckle.

"Oh what do you know!" Trixie barked.

"I know that you may act like a total bi—...ahem, like a total bully..." Jon said, remembering that his son was still within earshot and lowered his voice appropriately. "But deep down you and I know that you love it here. You love being part of this family...you love having a place to call home...and even though you'd never admit it I know you—"

"Silence!" Trixie ordered with a blush. "I demand you stop saying such foolish things."

"Awwww c’mon now, don't be that way," Jon teased. "We're friends. You can tell me anything."

"Do not flatter yourself, Stewart!" She scoffed. "There are very few creatures that I, the Great and Powerful Trixie regard in life as a 'friend' and you are not one of them."

"Yeah right, which is why you always hang around me and plan on staying here with no plans of ever leaving," Jon quipped.

"I already told you I don't have a choice," she said. "If you're senile mind could keep up you'd know I'm stuck here...remember."

"Yeah about that...I call bullshit," Jon said. "Don't think I don't know what you do at night when you're you’re upstairs 'practicing your magic'...I've seen you in your room, using massive amounts of magic till you almost pass out…at first I thought you were just trying and failing to get back home. You can pretend this is a desert island but you're the one stranding yourself here. Why, I'll bet you've had numerous opportunities to get back home, but you don’t use them, and you use your lack of energy as an excuse to stick around."

Trixie didn't say anything because of the implications. If she agreed with Jon she proved his point and thus he wins, but if she disagreed with him then she'd have to explain herself. So instead she just listened.

"You could leave but you don't...you stay here and act as if you don't want to and you know what...that's fine. I don't mind...as long as you're happy; that's all I care about," he said. "Look, Trixie...I'm not asking you to open up to me or express how you feel or any of that Dr. Phill stuff...what I want is for you to know that everyone here loves and appreciates you. And we will do everything we can to make you feel like one of us. And I know I'm not your favorite person in the world, but trust me when I say I'll look after and protect as if you were my child."

Trixie was left not knowing what to say once again. A part of her wanted to remain steadfast in her thin veneer of indifference, while another part of her just wanted to show some level of gratitude. She wanted to give him a smile, she wanted to say "thank you", she wanted to embrace him like the father she never knew, but before she could even make up her mind, a loud noise awkwardly seized the moment.

The sound of the toilet flushing from the other side of the door immediately broke up any assemblance of a touching moment between the two like a cellphone going off in the middle of a wedding ceremony. Soon after the sound of the faucet being turned on lead both Trixie and Jon to believe that Nathan, who they’d forgot was even present, was finished with his business.

On the off chance that he heard anything they were talking about, Jon braced himself for the questions and comments that his son would undoubtedly have upon his exit.

The door swung open and to his surprise his son burst forward out and immediately ran down the hallway to the stairs without even a second glance.

"Breakfast time!" he shrieked, running downstairs before anyone could say anything to him and leaving Jon to wonder if he even noticed the line of people just outside the bathroom. Before he could call out to him, Trixie ran to the top of the stairs to shout out orders.

"Nathan Thomas Stewart, you stop that! How many times have I told you no running in the house!?" she yelled out. "Especially down the stairs. You could have hurt yourself!"

The sound of a door slamming caused Trixie to turn around and see that Jon was now nowhere to be seen. While she had been distracted with scolding the already long gone Nathan, Jon stealthy took a few steps to the side whereupon he quickly entered the now vacant bathroom. For added security he shut the door behind him and locked it so no one could get in.

"HEY!" Trixie complained as she ran up to the door. "I was next in line!" She tried opening the door but when that didn't work, she began to bang on it with her hoof.

"Heh, heh, heh," Jon said from the other side. "...sucker."

"The Great and Powerful Trixie commands you to open this door at once!" she continued.

"Sorry, can't hear ya’," Jon said.

Eventually, the banging did stop, which to Jon, meant she had given up. From the other side, things went suspiciously quiet, but Jon paid it no mind and went about his business.

First thing was first though, so he promptly positioned himself in front of the toilet and began to undo the front of his pants. After he was done he pulled the curtains to the shower aside and began to adjust the hot and cold faucets. But before he could even undress, a strange feeling took over his body. At first, everything went blurry like he was underwater, then some strange and unfamiliar force surrounded him. He then felt like someone had thrown him across the room only to yank him back like a dog on a leash.

Eventually his vision did return and he soon found himself back in the hallway.

"What the hell!" Jon exclaimed.

"Ha, ha, ha." Trixie said from inside the bathroom. "Sucker."

Soon after he made the correct assumption that she must have used some kind of spell to switch places.

"HEY!" Jon yelled. "Whatever happened to 'not enough magic' or whatever?"

"Well it would seem I had some left over," she said smugly. "Now then...wait your turn!"

Defeated, Jon slumped down next to the door and waited for his turn. Much like how the day had started, things were still not going his way, and it wasn't going to get any better from here.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Silver lining

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Silver lining

Jon always heard horror stories about families with an overabundance of women and the hardships that came with having a ratio that favored mothers and daughters. His friends would tell him tales about being outnumbered in arguments or medicine cabinets becoming riddled with hygiene products but throughout his life, Jon himself never had this problem.

Growing up, the only woman in his life for the longest time was his own mother. She herself was outnumbered by a husband and two sons. Even now with the introduction of Trixie, Jon rarely found a problem with there being a three-to-two handicap while at home...that is, until now.

"TRIXIE!" Jon called out as she banged on the door. "Hurry it up would ya!"

"I said five more minutes!" she yelled back.

"You said that ten minutes ago!" he protested.

Trixie had long since finished taking her shower and was now busy grooming herself in front of the mirror. The shower itself took longer than expected, and with her busily maintaining her hair, she had clocked in at almost thirty minutes in the bathroom. This was an entirely new experience for him, since the only person, aside from himself, who hogged the bathroom was his wife, but she always got up before he did so there was never a problem.

"Maybe you can live with walking about with that nest you call a head of hair but as for somepony like me, hair so fine, real diligence is needed," Trixie responded.

Even though he was up and ahead of schedule, he still wanted to get to work as soon as possible. Since todays episode was a taping and not a live broadcast, he wanted to make sure things were going smoothly. Sitting back down Jon wondered if it was a good idea to not have someone from Equestria on the show today. It was a decision he made solely because lately he felt sick and he wanted to be at his best for such an occasion.

Thinking about work this early didn't sit well with Jon, so to distract himself, he banged on the door again.

"Trixie!" he yelled. "Come on, other people need to use the bathroom!"

When Jon got no response, he set a steady pound on the door until Trixie finally called back.

"Alright, alright I'm coming out!" she yelled. "Geez. Hold your horses."

The door clicked, signaling that it was unlocked, which prompted Jon to reach out from where he was sitting, but before he could, it swung open, releasing a cloud of mist like he had just opened the door to a sauna.

"Ugh." Jon groaned. "Well it's about ti—"

Emerging from the thick haze was Trixie, who to Jon's surprise, was still wearing a towel on her head, but her tail was freely swaying as she walked.

It was more or less at this point that he realized that for all her time after her shower, she had been busy brushing her tail and hadn't even moved on to her mane. Jon would have gone on a rant about that but he was too busy gawking at what she was wearing.

It was a bathrobe which, in itself, wasn't too strange a concept since she had used the shower not too long ago. But what really got Jon befuddled was that it was just her size, as if it was tailored for her. The sleeves fit comfortable around her front legs and the end stopped just short of her cutie mark. It was a standard white garment complete with the initials "GPT" embroidered on the chest, along with what looked like a small badge just on top of it, depicting her cutie mark.

"Wha...I mean w-where did...that is..." Jon fumbled with his words as he made pointed gestures to her attire.

"Christmas present," Trixie answered. "Tracey made it for me."

"Oh...I see," Jon said. He knew his wife was good at sewing, but he had no idea she was this good.

Jon continued to stare at her garments, while at the same time looking at her cutie mark to see if it matched up with the badge on the front, and indeed he did. After a while, Trixie started to feel uncomfortable from the attention.

"Stop looking at me!" she demanded as she whipped her tail across Jon's face. She then walked off to her room, talking to herself just loud enough so Jon could hear. "Honestly, Stewart. Staring at a young lady in her bathrobe after coming out of the shower, how barbaric! I realize I am the ultimate specimen of mare but you could at least try and..."

Her words became less and less audible the further she moved down the hallway, giving Jon ample time to enter the bathroom. Without pause for thought, he walked pass the combs and brushes that littered the sink and entered the shower, which was just as cluttered.

Jon paid it no mind and instead undressed and entered the tub to begin the shower he so desperately wanted. He turned the correct nozzles in his preferred direction and eagerly embraced the stream of water in his face...only to realize that it was icy cold because Trixie had taken the last of the hot water.

“SON OF A BITCH!” Jon shrieked as he frantically calibrated the nozzles.

While this was happening, Trixie was in her room putting the final touches on her mane. Her room now had its own mirror and there was even talk about setting up a television for her. From where she stood, she could clearly see all of her bedroom through the mirror, and she reflected on how different it was since she first arrived.

This came mostly in the form of pictures on the walls, a desk for her to work at, and more furniture. This was done mainly to help her feel more at home, which was somewhat unnecessary since she’d been feeling that way for a while now.

The middle of her room was completely empty. This was done so she could “practice” her magic, which she did almost every day, which tired her out immensely. Once she was satisfied with how her mane looked, she exited her room and made her way to the living room. It got louder the more she descended. This was mostly because of the kids who were busily playing video games since they had already finished eating.

They occupied the living room, and on the opposite end of the room, Tracey was in the kitchen preparing hers and Jon's meal. Trixie was about to walk over to her when a voice calling out grabbed her attention.

"Great and Powerful Trixie!" Nathan called out. "Come play with us!"

"Yeah!" Maggie yelled. "Look, look, look! You can have three players."

Tilting her head to the side, Trixie caught a glimpse of what they were playing. To her, it was an incomprehensible mess of flashy lights and sounds on the television which depicted a pair of miniature humans walking across screen, occasionally ducking and dodging their way through obstacles and various creatures. She saw absolutely no appeal in it.

Getting up from her seat, Maggie paused her game and rushed over to Trixie with the intent on swooping her away to play them. Before she could even get a third of way to her, Trixie used her magic to lift her in the air and place her down next her brother who was giggling along with her sister at the spectacle.

"Wow there, sweetheart,” she said in soft tone. “Just give me a moment get ready."

"But you will play with us right!" Nathan asked.

"Uh, sure but give me a minute first," Trixie said "I need to eat and have a talk with your mother."

"What about?" a very pesky Maggie asked.

"It's about your father," Trixie answered.

"Is Daddy in trouble?" Nathan asked. In response to this, Trixie walked up to both kids and took turns ruffling each of their heads in a playful manner.

"Yes he is," Trixie said in a joking tone. "And when he comes down here I'm going to beat him up...would you like to see that?"

"Yeah!" Both kids answered with hearty laughs.

"Alright, you kids continue playing...whatever this is, and I'll be back soon," Trixie said before walking off to the dining table where Tracey had already sat down to eat.

"So," Tracey said as she swallowed a helping of food. "What's this I hear about you beating up my husband?"

"Actually, I'm here to tell you that Stewart is sick," Trixie said as she poured herself a glass of water. "We uh...crossed paths upstairs and he didn't look so well...you might want to consider giving him some medicine."

"Hm! Thanks for the tip," Tracey said with a mouth partially filled with masticated food. "It is getting to that time of year." Getting up from her seat, she quickly but steadily made her way to an adjacent cabinet filled with medicine and first aid. She picked up a bottle of something and came back to find that Trixie had already started on her breakfast.

"Thanks for the tip," Tracey said. "Jon’s too prideful to admit when he's gotten ill so he never tells me." She watched Trixie consume a mouthful of food and waited until the mare swallowed before continuing their conversation.

"You know, dear, if you were so worried about Jon's health you could have given him the medicine yourself," Tracey said with a smile.

Trixie looked up from her plate at Tracey before arrogantly rolling her eyes.

"Not you too...Okay, first of all I am not worried about Stewart's wellbeing," she said before taking a sip of her water and throwing her nose in the air. "I am simply telling you know this so he doesn't spread his sickness to the rest of us."

Using her magic, she levitated a piece of her food into her mouth.

"And as for why I didn't give it to him myself, well...he's a big boy. If he needs medicine he can get it himself." She continued. "I'm just telling you as a courtesy."

After she was done explaining herself, Trixie went back to eating while Tracey gave a tired sigh and, with a playful smile, shook her head at the pony across the table.

"Trixie, honey...I love you, but sometimes you're as transparent as that glass of water," she said, motioning to Trixie’s drink. "You don't have to distance yourself like this...trust me when I say you're safe here."

"Hmph. I have no idea what you're talking about," Trixie said, scrunching her nose in protest. In response to this, Tracey reached over and put a gentle hand on her free hoof.

"What I'm talking about is...it's okay to let your guard down every now and again." Tracey continued. "I understand what you've gone through...I remember the day Jon brought you home; he told me about your past."

As if she didn't want to answer, Trixie took an extra second to finish the food in her mouth, taking slow bites and finally swallowing.

"Then you know where I'm coming from," Trixie said. "Things don't change...people don't change."

"Nonsense. Of course they do," Tracey assured her, now using her hand to gently rub Trixie’s hoof. "What happened to you before...that will not happen here."

Trixie was skeptical and wanted to reject the notion. She felt that she was wrong, but a part of her actually believed her.

"Trixie...we all love you here...especially Jon." She continued, her voice soft and caring. "If he had his way, he'd keep you around for as long as he could."

Taking her hoof back, Trixie looked away.

"You don't know that." She argued.

"Oh but I do. He thinks the world of you...as do the rest of us," Tracey said in an almost desperate tone. "He thinks of you not as a friend...but like one of his own children."

The thought was nice enough for Trixie to not say anything, but instead think it over in her head.

"You may not believe it right now, but someday you will," Tracey said as she took a bite of her meal. "You know...if he had to...he'd risk his life for you."

.

Upon hearing this, Trixie took another sip of her water, purposefully taking longer than normal for a drink. Eventually, she finished it off and took a deep breath.

"I'll get you another glass," Tracey said with a smile as she took the Unicorn's glass and went to the kitchen. When she returned, they continued their breakfast and talked no more about it.

For the next few minutes the two sat in silence, enjoying their meals. This was done solely on the part of Tracey to give her friend some time to think. It wasn't an awkward silence, or even a peaceful one, what with the children occasionally squealing at the television, which was playing chipper music. The two just ate with Trixie occasionally looking up at Tracey, who in return, would give her a warm smile.

After a while, someone did eventually speak; it was Tracey, but it wasn't to engage Trixie in another conversation, but rather to just throw a question out into the void.

"Where is that husband of mine?" she asked. "He's been upstairs for quite a while not." Almost as if that was her signal, Trixie's right ear twitched a few times.

"He's actually on his way down now," Trixie said.

"He is?" Tracey asked. "How can you tell?"

"I can hear him," Trixie answered. Putting her utensils down, she looked over her shoulder at the stairs, then went back to eating. "He's coming down the stairs now."

Tilting her head to the side, Tracey looked over at the stairs, but she couldn't hear anything but her kids in the background.

"I don't hear anything?" she said "Are you sure it's—"

"GAAAAAAAAAH!" a voice screamed from the staircase.

"I'm sure," Trixie said with a smirk.

"Grah!" the voice continued. "Son of a...POOP!"

Tracey got up and rounded the table just in time to see what had happened. She caught Jon hopping up on one leg, digging a piece of plastic out of his foot. She cringed at the sight of it for she, as does any parent, knew the intense amount of pain that came with what Jon had just experienced. He had stepped barefoot on a Lego piece. He was wearing a simple grey T-shirt and a pair of jeans since he didn't need to wear a suit until he got on camera. About the only thing he wasn't wearing were shoes.

"You ok, sweetie?" Tracey asked.

"Yeah...I'll be fine," Jon said from the bottom the stairs. He had sat down and was now rubbing his throbbing foot, cursing the day he ever bought his son that Lego set. He turned his head to face his two children, who were still playing their game. "Nate what have I told you about putting your toys away?"

"Sorry, Daddy," Nathan said, his eyes still fixated on the screen.

Getting up, Jon limped his way to the table where he sat down next to Trixie who had not yet finished her food. He recalled what she had told him about what his breakfast would be, so while Tracey had her back turned, he leaned back and reached over behind Trixie. He tapped her on shoulder, causing her to look bewilderingly to her side, where she saw nothing. While she was distracted he reached over and tried to grab one of her helpings of ham. But just before he could a hand swooped in gave him a slap on the wrist.

"Oh no you don't!" Tracey said. "This is your breakfast!" With her other hand she quickly slid a plate in front of him which contained a handful of granola and an apple. With a sigh, Jon looked at his plate, then back at Trixie, who had now scooted slightly to the side and pushed her plate further from his grasp.

"Can I have cereal instead?" Jon asked with a comically begging face.

Tracey looked at the cereal selection; none of them carried the heart healthy logo.

"I don't think so," she huffed.

"Oh come on, Tracey!" Jon begged. She gave him a stone cold look, which meant that she wasn't going to budge. Once Jon ran out of options, he lightly lifted his leg. "My foot hurts." To really sell it, Jon gave a pouting face which only worked on Tracey one out of ten times...he got lucky.

"Alright, alright. Go ahead," she said with a dismissive gesture.

Like a child being told they could open a present early, Jon got up and carefully inspected each cereal box on display nearby to see which one he wanted most. Eventually, he chose the one he assumed to have the most sugar.

He sat back down, this time on the other end of Trixie, and poured a large helping of his desired brand into a bowl, whereupon he got back up again to go grab the last carton of milk from the fridge. When he sat back down, he eagerly opened the mouth and tiled the container over his crunchy treat...only to realize there was barely any milk left.

"Dammit," he said under his breath. Before he could do anything else, Tracey quickly grabbed his bowl of dry cereal and replaced it with the plate of the granola and apple.

"Okay, now can I have some ham and waffles?" Jon asked sheepishly.

"It's either this or oatmeal," Tracey answered.

"Uh never mind!” he said in a panic. "I'll eat it!"

"This too," she added, putting two medical pills in front of him, but not before giving him a peck on the head. Before finally getting around to eating his breakfast Jon looked over to his side where Trixie was about halfway through with her last waffle. Again, she scooted away from him, only this time she wasted no time in devouring the rest of it.

With a sigh, Jon scooped a handful of his granola into him mouth, slowly chewing to make sure he ground them all up good and proper. While this happened, Trixie and Tracey were off to the side doing the dishes, and since Trixie was considerably shorter she used her magic to dry off dishes and place them in there correct place.

Halfway during this session, the phone rang, and Tracey left the rest of the detailing in the hoofs of Trixie. When she answered the phone a loud and somewhat frantic voiced boomed forth. Through the back and forth between it and Tracey, the person on the other end did most of the talking, while Tracey said nothing more than "okay" or "I see."

She hung up the phone and dashed across the room to grab her purse and keys.

"Who died?" Jon asked.

"Oh no, that was just my boss," she said. "There was an emergency at work and they're calling me in today...Trixie?"

"I'm on it," Trixie said as she walked over to tell the kids what was happening. This was one case where having Trixie in the family was a huge benefit. On rare occasions where Tracey or Jon would get called to work early, or on a day they were not scheduled, they would usually end up arguing on who would watch the kids. Thanks to the blue unicorn’s presence, that whole uncomfortable dispute was now avoided.

"Okay, I'll probably be back around five so don't worry about dinner," Tracey called out as she made her way to the door. "Trixie, you're in charge while Jon and I are out...and don't let Jon eat any greasy food...also don't believe him if he says it's for some kind of skit for the show, ‘cause that's a lie." Before leaving, she shot Jon a look to behave.

"Alright, alright I get it...knock em out, babe," Jon said.

"Bye bye, kids!" she said to her children, who were still playing their game.

And with that, Tracey flew out the front door and into her vehicle. Jon waited until he heard the car leave the driveway before getting up and making his way towards the window. Once he was sure she was gone, he ran back to the kitchen and yanked open an overhead cabinet, grabbing a large bag of potato chips that he had stashed in the back.

"Heh, heh, heh," he said gleefully. "Still here!" Grabbing the top of the precious bag, he made plans to open it and maybe enjoy it with some garlic dipping sauce, but before he could even sit back down, it flew from his hands and across the room like a bird freed from a cage. It eventually stopped, but was remained hovering in the air just above Trixie, who was shaking her head.

"Uh, uh, uh, Stewart," she said with judging eyes. Before Jon could protest, her horn's magic changed in pulse, causing the salty snack to seemingly vanish into thin air. "Tracey's orders. No fat foods."

To show he was no match, he threw his hands in the air like he was getting arrested.

"Okay, Johnny law I'm sorry," he said. Feeling that his day wasn't going to get any better from there, he slowly walked backwards to where his shoes were. "I think this is my cue." Putting his shoes on, Jon made his way to the door.

"Okay kids, I'm going to work," he shouted. "While I'm away, be sure to be nice to Trixie and do whatever she says, okay?"

Like with their mother, the two children didn't say anything. The only sound coming from that area was the television.

"Damn thing’s going to replace me someday," he said.

As Jon closed the door behind him, both Nathan and Maggie paused their game to address their now-babysitter.

"Now will you play with us!?" Nathan asked while his sister grabbed another controller.

"Just give me one more minute," Trixie answered. "I need to finish those dishes." She walked away to a chorus of groans from the two children and back to the sink. She was just about finished when her ear began to flap and tilt to one side. She heard someone coming up to the door at a quick pace.

Before she could check to see who it was, the door flung open and someone walked in without a word.

"Hi daddy!" Maggie said from the other side of the room. Trixie watched as Jon walked passed her to the kitchen phone and yanked it off the wall.

"Back already, Stewart," Trixie asked.

"Car's down," he said. "It has a flat and I'm all out of spars...calling Tracey to see if she can't swing by and drop me off."

He stood there tapping his foot against the ground for a few seconds, but to his dismay she never picked up. He tried again, but like before, it eventually went to voicemail.

"Great...just great. Now I have to call a cab," Jon said with a groan. "Ugh! I hate calling a cab at this hour." Rather than dialing the number right away Jon sat down in a nearby chair and rubbed his hands against his tired face, leaving them there as he took a moment to keep himself calm.

Since this didn't involve Trixie all that much, she hopped down from the stool she used as a boost to do the dishes and trotted over to the kids, who were still waiting for her. Before actually making it to the other side of the room, she stopped and made a face like somehow this was all her fault.

She turned around to see Jon, still in the same, slumped over position as when she left him. Although she didn't like to show or admit it, she didn't like to see him this way; she liked him better when he was spirited and lively. When he was like this, it just made her sad. Had she'd been anyone else she would've offered him a ride, but lacking any means of doing so, she decided to help the only way she knew how.

"Stewart?" Trixie said. "A word please."

"Not now Trix; I'm not in the mood," he said.

"Would you just listen?!" she barked. Following her command, Jon looked up at Trixie, who looked like she was a kid who had forgotten her lines they had been about to perform on stage.

"Look...I...I want to help you," she said, scared that her proposal would get rejected. "If you'll allow me I can...uh...I can just...teleport you to work." Upon Hearing this, Jon's eyes were now locked on her, but visually he didn't look convinced.

"Really? Are you sure...you can even do that right now?" he asked

"Well of course I can!" she yelled before clearing her throat. "I am...the Great and Powerful Trixie!"

After her usual declaration, she noticed that Jon still had an unconvinced look on his face, like a manager at a store looking over a potential employee's substandard resume. Her statement in it of itself wasn't enough for him, which in turn caused Trixie to further explain herself.

"Ugh, I've been to your office before remember?" she clarified. "And I do have some magic left over, so I'm sure I can send you to work...if you'll let me, that is?"

Without even thinking about it, Jon jumped up from his seat so fast he nearly fell over. He ran across the room and with a clap of his hands stood straight up and closed his eyes.

"Alright!" he exclaimed. "Let's do this!"

"Oh uh...right!" Trixie said, surprised by how quickly he trusted him, considering the last time he tried to teleport him somewhere for work. "Are you...um, you trust me?"

"Sure I do," Jon said with a smile, which momentarily made Trixie feel warm inside. For the second time today, Trixie had the potential to be largely beneficial and Jon wasn't going to pass up that chance. "Now come on, I don't have all day."

"Um just stay still and let me concentrate," she ordered. In preparation, Jon began to walk back and forth with his eyes constantly staring at her horn.

"Would you stop moving around!?" Trixie barked. "It'd help me if you stood still."

"Okay, okay, sorry!" Jon said, stopping in place on the other side of the room, which caused her to sigh.

"It would also help if you'd come a little bit closer," she added. "It'll work better in close proximity." He obliged and walked right up to her. She was about to comment that he was too close but at this point, just wanted to get this over with.

With that, the room fell to total silence. Even the television in the back stopped making noise, since at this time the kids had paused their game and were now looking from the other side of the couch, not wanting to miss the spectacle that was Trixie using her magic.

Her horn began to fluctuate with magic in a faster and faster rate. To pass the time Jon tried counting the how long it would take for something to happen. At about thirteen seconds, Jon could feel a slight change in temperature and atmosphere like someone had replaced the air in the room with another brand of oxygen. This feeling lasted for a moment before it completely took over.

When he opened his eyes he found himself in a pitch black environment instead of a bright flash of light like what usually happened.

"Okay, what the hell?" he thought to himself.

He tried taking step forward, but he stepped on something like some kind of container.

"Hey!" he yelled out. "Is anyone here?"

When no one called back, Jon dug into his pocket and pulled out a lighter he always kept, just in case. After a couple of attempts, he managed to create a tiny flame which illuminated his present location: a tiny enclosure filled with cleaning supplies and a mop.

Immediately Jon recognized where he was. Trixie had indeed teleported him to the Daily Show headquarters, but instead of appearing on stage or in his office, he had reappeared inside the Janitor's closet.

"Well..." Jon said with a sigh. "At least this time it wasn't Cloudsdale."

Turning around, he spotted the door which led to a hallway to the main office space. He grabbed the door handle and pushed forward, but that only caused him to smack his face against its wooden frame. Just his luck; the door was locked.

"This day...cannot get any more worse," He groused as he began to bang on the door for help.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Unexpected visitor

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Unexpected visitor

For a brief moment, Jon thought his day had made a turn for the better when Trixie agreed to send him to work. This way he got to save time, money, and got to brag to his superiors that the arrived to work that morning by way of a magic spell.

Unfortunately for Jon, he was teleported right in the middle of a locked broom closet and it took nearly a half hour before an intern found him, whereupon he made a very predictable "coming out of the closet" joke. Things weren't going very well.

His day continued to be a cavalcade of woe when he learned of the new staff and crew he'd be working with. Since they had come back from their winter break hiatus, and some nearby universities were entering in a new semester, the studio had hired a new gaggle of interns. All of whom needed Jon to either sign off on something (usually a contract that proved they were working for free in order to gain college credits) or need a tour of the office.

From there Jon couldn't even reach his office before having to give a speech to some new staff hands. Not to mention older staff members complained that while they were away, some of the equipment went missing, probably a result of their studio getting an upgrade in some departments, but it was still just as annoying.

Jon was always willing to lend a helping hand to struggling intellectuals in the area, but in a lot of cases they were as lost as an inbred goat and about just as reliable. Though that didn't stop him from grabbing an older on-hand intern from last year, filling him in on what was going on, then leaving him to escort the new interns around the building. Some might've called that the blind leading the blind, but Jon called it a willful distribution of power.

With the rest of his staff clamoring to get things in order for tonight's show, Jon fled to the safety and pseudo-serenity of his office. Walking across the threshold of his personal sanctuary was like walking into another world. Whereas the main studio was loud and hot with everyone running around, his office was vacant and had a constant stream of cold air fluctuating all around him.

With a sigh of relief, he sat down in his lumpy chair, leaning back to stare at the ceiling. At this time in the day the light from a window was bouncing off one of the awards that adorned his wall and onto his face, so he shifted in his seat to avoid it. The ceiling fan just above him was swirling at a medium pace and he followed one of the blades with his eyes as it spun around and around.

After some reflection on his part, he was glad that he didn't make today an Equestria interview. He still wasn't feeling well and things were so chaotic at the moment that he wasn't sure he could do it any justice. Instead, for today, he was going to interview some author he’d never heard of who’d written a book that he'd never heard of, but only just read last night.

As he continued to look upwards, he began to feel dizzy at the sight of the spinning fan, so to remedy this, he leaned forward and, placing his elbows on his desk, began to rub his temples. In hindsight, he regretted not asking Trixie if she knew a spell that could cure his illness, even if it wasn't that bad.

Jon still had some papers he needed to fill out on his desk, but he tempted fate by seeing how long he could put off actually doing them. He looked at the stacks of stationary and found a better use for them. He piled them up into a little makeshift pillow and laid his head on it. He was perfectly content with just staying like that, but before he could even begin to enjoy it, there was a knock on his door.

It was an intern asking for further assistance on his hours by arrangement. Like a groundhog, Jon popped his head out of his office to help her. After he was done, another intern came from seemingly out of nowhere and asked for assistance regarding the same matter. This continued... over and over again. Person after person popping up from their desks like ducks on a targeting range whenever they saw Jon.

Jon was practically forced to leave the safety of his office and head back out into the pool of employers. He kept promising himself that right after he helped this intern he'd return to his desk, but several hours passed, and to his dismay, he was actually now officially working. He went from department to department either showing some new guy the ropes or coordinating with an older staff member on what needed to be done. He did manage to get to return to his office once or twice, but as soon as he did he was called out again.

Finally, after awhile everything was running smoothly, or at least smoothly enough for him to get back to his office. Looking to the clock, he could now see it was midafternoon. With a grunt of pain, he dragged himself to his office door, across the room to his desk, approached his uncomfortable chair and threw himself down upon it. His pillow of papers was still looking up and him; each of which needed his signature. Without even a second thought he laid his head upon it.

He could almost feel himself slipping away when an ominous and horrible sound pierced the air. Someone was knocking on his door again.

"Go awaaaay," Jon moaned from his seat. "No one here but us mice." Whoever it was on the other side knocked again, but this time she called out.

"It's me," a female said from behind the door. Even with Jon being away from the office for so long, he could still recognize that voice anywhere.

"Come in," he said, his voice muffled by his papers. Stepping into his office was his longtime assistant, Selina Jenson, who in contrast to Jon, looked as professional as she could with her long hair in a proper bun and her black pants suit neatly pressed. She had her clipboard with her, which had countless notes scribbled all over it.

"You have a phone call," she said, getting straight to the point.

"Tell em I'm not here," Jon said, making a motion with his hand for her to go away. "If they ask, just say I'm stuck in traffic or I'm dead."

"I...think you'll want to take this one," Selina said, sounding somewhat concerned. Using whatever energy he had left, Jon turned his head to the side to get a look at her; still refusing to actually get up.

"Who is it?" he asked, determined to not take it no matter who it was.

"It's...her royal Highness," she answered. Immediately, Jon sat straight up with a look of shock on his face. At this hour, there was a slew of regulars who called him, each with their own personal agenda, but this was entirely different. Except for only one instance a few months back, this had never happened before so naturally Selina had Jon's attention.

"Wait!" Jon said, sitting up. He paused to collect his thoughts while a piece of paper that was hanging to the side of his face fell down to his feet. "Princess Celestia?"

"That's who she said she was," Selina answered.

"Princess Celestia is calling...me?" Jon ventured further. When he got a nod as a reply, a sudden smile appeared on his face. "G-great! Patch her through!"

As soon as Selina left to her office to make the transfer happen, Jon sat up in his chair and began to manually brush his hair back and organize his desk as if she was about to appear in person. Once he was satisfied with his cosmetic changes, he eagerly awaited for his desk phone to receive the person that was currently on hold.

A few seconds later his phone began to ring, which was still a surprise despite the fact that he had been expecting it. Without a second’s hesitation, he quickly grabbed the phone as if doing so was a life or death moment. Almost immediately, Jon could feel a sense of unfamiliarity like he had gone to his favorite restaurant, but it had been recently renovated and nothing looked the same.

For one, this time he was the one who answered first, instead of it being the other way around. That and usually he would communicate with her at home where he was more comfortable as opposed to right in the middle of work. Even the call itself sounded different. Usually, it was silent with nothing but the princess' voice being heard, only now, Jon could hear a commotion in the background. Perhaps she was having a busy day too.

But all at once, all these new sensations were blown away once he heard the unmistakable soothing tone of his good friend and business partner.

"Hello, Mr. Stewart," Celestia said. "My it has been awhile, hasn't it?"

"Celestia! You have no idea how nice it is to hear from you," Jon said, standing up to sit atop his desk. How the hell are ya!? You must be pretty bored over there if you're the one calling me."

"Yes, yes. I realize I've never called you before, but I assure you I do so with only the best intentions in mind," she said in a calm, yet passionate voice. "I wouldn't dream of wasting your time."

"Celestia, my friend, there is absolutely no need to apologize! I always welcome the chance to talk to my favorite other worldly god," Jon said with a laugh. "Also, what do you mean 'never called me before'...remember the time you called to get Mayor Mare on my show?"

"Oh yes of course!" she said in an apologetic tone while Jon sifted in on desk. "It's...been a long day."

"I know exactly how you feel!" Jon said, making a noise like he'd been doing some heavy lifting. "Which is why I'm glad to hear from you...it's always good to hear from a friend to break the mundanity of it all."

"We all have those days," Celestia said with a chuckle. "Even myself if you can believe that...and for the record, I only asked for Mayor Mare to appear on your show because I thought she'd be an excellent pony to interview."

"Well, you weren't wrong, that's for sure!" Jon said with a laugh. "If I remember correctly, her appearance had a rather large amount of viewers...mostly poly majors I'd wager."

"Well I'm sure she appreciated the attention it earned her," Celestia responded. "Matter of fact, shortly afterwards she won her bid for re-election."

"No kidding!?" Jon said. "Did she mention me in her acceptance speech?"

"Well...I'm afraid I'm not sure," Celestia responded tenderly. "But since we're on the topic...that's kinda why I've called you today."

"You called me to discuss Mayor Mare?" Jon said quizzically.

"No, not exactly...I'm actually calling you because I know a pony who would just be perfect for your show," she said. "She's more than willing to appear for tonight's episode and I can guarantee she'd bring with her a huge increase in viewers!"

Her proposal took Jon by surprise. For one thing, Celestia was well aware that he detested other people giving their input on who he should have on his show: a pet peeve long before they had ever met.

"You...want me to interview a certain pony?" Jon asked, just to make sure he understood her.

"Yes, this is correct, Mr. Stewart," Celestia assured him. "If you did this for me I'd consider it a personal favor...and like I said, I guarantee that the rating for your show will rise beyond your wildest dreams if you accept my offer."

Admittedly, the prospect of having an interview with a pony so popular that his viewership increased, did sound appealing, not only to Jon, but for those that Jon worked for as well. Whenever it was that time of the year where different networks were competing with each other over for viewers, Jon's producers urged him to interview a pony and to make sure said pony had a big name.

The last time Comedy Central killed in the ratings was when Jon interviewed Rainbow Dash, which had raised the network’s ratings to the highest that week. But with the holiday season long gone, Jon didn't need that boost just yet. He had already started the New Year with an Equestrian Interview in the form of Fancy Pants, so for now he was fine; he liked to stagger out these kinds of events further apart when he could.

"Well Celestia...as much as I'm...deeply flattered by your concern for my well-being, I'm afraid I'm going to have to decline your offer. I don't really need an Equestrian interview at the moment, nor am feeling up for the task," he said. Getting up now, he walked over to the other end of his office and peered through his window and his many employees scrambling around like chickens with their heads cut off. "Plus, I don't think my staff is well prepared either. We have a lot of new interns starting today and things are hectic...but again, I am very thankful for your input but right now is just not a good time."

There was a silence on the other end of the line, though Jon could still tell that the line was open, because he could hear a rustling in the background.

"Celestia?" Jon said. He paused, and still no one answered, but the commotion continued in the back. "Are you still there?" It took a few seconds, but eventually someone was back on the phone.

"Yes I'm still here," the familiar soothing voice said. "And you’re absolutely certain you don't need my help?" The way she phrased her question made Jon feel somewhat guilty, like he was talking to his Jewish grandmother. Be nevertheless, he was steadfast in his refusal.

"Yeah I'm sure but, don't think I don't appreciate what you're trying to do," he answered, making sure to sounds as respectful as possible. "I promise I'll take your suggestion under advisement for next time...now I hate to sound rude, but I am on a tight schedule right now so unless there's anything else I'd—"

"Actually there is," Celestia interrupted. "You said you had some new interns coming in today right?"

"Yes. I did," Jon answered.

"Well as it just so happens I think I can help you with that as well," she continued. "You see...there is this unicorn down in Ponyville who would just love to visit you. Her name is Lyra Heartstrings, I don't if you've ever met her but—"

"I actually have," Jon interjected. "Not too long ago when I vacationed in Ponyville we uh...met." Jon sat back down, rubbing his stomach; he could still remember the pain of her spirited introduction.

"Well that's good to hear. She's actually a huge fan of yours and I know she would just love to visit," Celestia continued.

"With all due respect, Celestia...how does this help me with my intern dilemma?" he asked, now starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. He took one look out his window from where he was sitting to see a new trainee drop a huge stack of papers. "Because right now...the way I see, adding a talking pony to the equation would just cause more chaos."

"Hear me out...you have new humans working under you at the moment correct?" Celestia said. "Well wouldn't it be in their best interest to see a pony now and get some experience since they'll have to at some point." Jon took a moment to think about this, rocking back and forth while massaging his forehead.

"That's...actually not such a bad idea," he said.

"Exactly! I'd imagine it'd be easier for them since, like you said, this wouldn't be an actual interview," she added.

"And you’re sure this is okay with Lyra?" Jon asked. "I mean, being called to another world just for show and tell?"

"Oh of course it is!" she assured him. "She's actually very interested in Human mythology so this is just as much a benefit for you as it is for her."

"And she'll understand that this is just a visit, right?" he asked. "...No interview?"

"No interview," she repeated back. Jon leaned back in his seat and began to stroke his chin. He weighed the pros and cons of this proposal and came to a conclusion.

"Alright, I'm in," Jon said as he motioned for Selina to head to the dressing room. "Teleport her to our usual spot and I'll make sure to bring her up to speed."

"Excellent!" Celestia said. "I'm glad we could work this out...you won't regret it." Before Jon could say his goodbyes, Celestia ended the call, leaving only a dial tone to fill the void. Feeling slightly odd about this, Jon placed the phone back down and gave a nonchalant shrug. He got up and began to clean up his desk so it'd look more presentable for his upcoming guest.

For the next ten or so minutes, Jon sat at his station and filled out some papers and signed off on some hours by arrangement contracts while he waited for his guest to arrive. The only sound was that of his employees and colleagues scrambling around outside. A collection of people talking, papers shuffling, and computers keyboards clattering.

It was a sound Jon knew all too well, which is why his attention was immediately grabbed when all of it came to a stop. Jon looked up to peak outside the window of his office. He caught a glimpse of young men and women frozen in time as they all stared, their heads slowly turning in the same direction. It was a look he'd seen before...the same look he himself would get from ponies back in Equestria.

Now the only sound that could be heard was footsteps that became easier to hear as time passed. Soon, the door to his office opened and in came his faithful assistant, followed by a mint green unicorn with white-streaked hair. It was indeed the same pony who accidentally attacked Jon the last time he was in Ponyville, on vacation.

"Girls, it's about time! I'm just kidding, welcome, welcome," Jon said with a nervous smile. Getting up, he made his way to the door. "Please, make yourself at home...gimme one second."

Before continuing, Jon poked his head outside to shoo away his staff, calling out for them to get back to work. He closed the blinds to his office as to not distract them for the time being, since they'd get their chance soon enough to interact with Lyra.

Once he was satisfied that they had some privacy, he moved to the front of his desk with which to lean his back on.

"Alright! Lyra, so good to see you again!" he said. Leaning forward, he offered her his hand, but she didn't shake it. Instead she began to walk around the room, looking in different directions. "So uh yeah...uh it’s been awhile, Miss…uh miss…I’m sorry but I’m afraid I’ve already forgotten your last name.”

Jon purposely forgot because he wanted to encourage her to speak but Lyra didn't, as she was too busy examining the small room. Instead, it was his assistant who answered his question.

“Heartstrings,” she said

“Ah that’s right, Heartstrings,” Jon said. “How have you been? How are things back home?”

Again Jon asked his question and again Lyra didn't speak. In response to this, Jon looked over to Selina, who looked back and gave him a shrug. She was just as confused as he was.

"Right...so anyway I'm sure Celestia had already told you this but you are here today as a sort of a...uh practice run, I guess you could say, for my employees." He continued. "At some point we'll have you go around, maybe introduce yourself, and my interns will learn what it will be like to attend to the needs of an Equestrian citizen. If we have time, and with your permission, I'd also like to have the makeup girl to teach some student's how to manage a pony's mane."

When Lyra still didn't respond Jon just chalked it up to her being nervous, though even for someone like Jon, who'd only known her very briefly, that seemed very uncharacteristic of her.

"So...do you have any questions for me?" Jon asked to try and get her to come out of whatever shell she was behind.

"So this really is the human world?" Lyra said. Her sudden question startled both Jon and Selina slightly.

"Um...yes, yes it is," he answered.

"And you're really Jon Stewart?" she continued.

"Well, that's what it says on the inside of my underwear," Jon joked to ease the tension in the room. No one laughed. "So...are you clear with what will happen today?"

"Yeah, you want to prance me about like some kind of show pony for all you humans to stare at." She responded in a cold low tone. "Am I right?" The way she said it made Jon feel defensive about what he actually wanted which came out in the tone of his voice.

"O-o-oh no! No, no, not at all!" Jon assured her. He began to wonder if Celestia ever consulted her about this. "I simply want the chance for my staff and crew to get acquainted with ponies from your world! If you're uncomfortable with all this this I'll understand if you want to go back home."

"Oh no...I understand what's going on here," Lyra said with a smile.

"Oh....ok good," Jon said with a sigh of relief. "So...any other questions."

"Just one," Lyra said. "When can I expect to go on stage?"

"Oh you want to see what the stage looks like?" Jon asked.

"No," Lyra said. "I mean when can I expect to go on TV...as the pony you are to interview."

"Oh no, Lyra this visit isn't for an appearance," he challenged. "I said you're here only for observation...you're free to walk around and such but you're not going on live TV." Lyra stopped scoping out Jon's office and slowly turned around to look at him with narrowed eyes.

"Oh I know what you said. But now I'm saying that you are going to have me on your show." She spoke in a rough tone, like she'd been arguing this for hours.

"Well I'm sorry Lyra, but that's not going to happen," Jon said in a stern voice to try and match hers.

"Well then," Lyra said with an evil grin. "I guess I'll just have to make you then." For a fraction of a second, Jon could swear her eyes lit up, but he quickly dismissed it and continued his scolding.

"You know what, Lyra, I don't have to do anything for you!” Jon said in an angry tone that very few people ever heard. "I only agreed to let you come here as a favor to Celestia but if this is how you're going to act then I'm afraid I'm going to ask to you leave!"

"Sit down, human," Lyra said dangerously. Ignoring her, Jon motioned to Selina, who was still in the room.

"Selina, could you please escort Ms. Heartstrings back to the dressing room while I call Celestia to pick to pick her up?" Jon said, prompting Selina to move towards Lyra. Selina bent over and was about to place a hand on her shoulder when she stopped midway like she was frozen in ice.

Before Jon could pick up the phone, he noticed this and waited until she did something, but she never did.

"Selina, what are you doing?" he asked. "Would you please escort our...friend out of here?" Slowly Jon noticed that his assistant was shaking, as if she were cold. Most notably, her hand, which looked like it was trying, and failing to move.

"Selina?" Jon asked in a worried tone. "What's the matter with you?" Slowly her mouth began to move.

"Jon," she said like she struggling to breathe. "I...can't....move."

Before Jon could react, Lyra swung her head to the side, causing Jon's assistant to go flying through the air, where she bounced off a wall, knocking over a few awards in the process. She thudded to the floor and rolled onto her face, unconscious.

"Selina!" Jon yelled.

"Sit down, human." Lyra repeated herself. Ignoring her yet again, Jon ran across the room the see if Selina was okay. But before he could get even remotely close, he stopped in the tracks. He could feel a coldness running through him as if someone was injected ice water into his veins; he couldn't move, though he tried desperately to. Using all his strength, he tried to advance forward but he couldn't move an inch.

"I said...Sit. Down!" Lyra yelled. With a quick pulse of magic, Jon was now being hurdled across the room himself. Unlike Selina, however, he landed awkwardly back in his seat. He tried getting up but some unknown force pinned him down.

Quickly and without warning, Lyra had teleported onto his desk and was now looking him straight in the eyes, smiling a most evil smile.

"Now then," Lyra said. "About you not wanting me on your show...let's see if we can't change that."

Her eyes began to glow a shade of green, and had Jon possessed a mirror, he would have seen that his eyes were now glowing the same color. Slowly, his vision began to distort. He felt as if a thin layer of slime was being drenched on him and sensation of sleep, and yet at the same time there was a tingling sensation within his head.

He tried fighting it, and to his relief his vision came back to normal only, now Lyra was staring at him, looking very cross.

"Damn," she said. "Still not strong enough for that."

"Lyra," Jon said, feeling exhausted. "Why are you doing this?"

"Lyra?" she asked. Looking into Jon's eyes, she could now see herself. "Oh that's right, I'm still in character...allow me to slip into something more...comfortable."

Before Jon's eyes, Lyra's body began to change and contort, slowly morphing in both color and shape. Her faced warped and began to retake shape and her body grew and extra features began to spring forth like it was made of molding clay. Jon watched in horror as the tiny mint colored Unicorn transferred into a large black creatures complete with a jagged horn and wings that looked like that of an insect.

Whatever this new creature was, it had large fangs, bright green eyes, a long slender body mostly covered by her cerulean green hair and most notably of all, holes, holes that covered her entire body. With her transformation complete, she looked back and the cowering human in front of her and gave him a smile to show off her teeth.

"What...what the hell are you?" Jon said, wide-eyed, his body no longer spellbound.

"My name is Queen Chrysalis," the creature said with a smile. Slowly she lowered her head and pointed her jagged horn at Jon's face. "And from here on out, you're going to do exactly what I say, or else."

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Do exactly as I say.

Some days are worse than others. Some days you wake up and everything goes alright: weather's nice, you got a full eight hours of sleep, and you find that your favorite breakfast has been prepared: overall a good day. Then there are your bad days when you wake up late because your alarm clock didn't go off, on the way out you get your sleeve stuck in a door, and some unknown evil force from another realm invades your world, threatens your family, and tries take control of your body, all the while systematically trying to ruin your life, and then attempts to kill you: definitely an example of a time to maybe be using one of your "sick days".

Jon was trembling in his seat, looking down the pointy end of large horn being shoved in his face. He didn't know what was going on or who this pony was, but what he did know was she must have gone through some incredible lengths to get here, and for what? To get on his show? Jon was just so unsure. He racked his mind, trying to comprehend how a relatively bumpy morning could lead to this.

"Wha...what do you want from me?" Jon said, his hands in the air to show he would not fight back. "What have you done with Lyra?"

"Lyra is safe, for now...and as for what I want it's simple, human." Chrysalis said. "I want to be on our show." Jon prepared for the worst, but her request was oddly straight forward and didn't seem all that important, which is why he felt so confused. Other ponies before had tried to muscle their way onto his show, but never had someone threatened him to do so.

"T-thats it?" Jon asked, his eyes still on the sharp horn. "Why on earth do you want to be on my show so bad."

The evil queen lowered her head so her horn would be pressing up against his neck.

"That is not your concern," she said. "The only thing you should be worried about right now is your own safety...Do exactly as I say and no harm will come to you."

Just then, however both of them heard a noise from the other end of the door, followed by a voice.

"Mr. Stewart?" one of Jon's interns called out, his voice soft. "We heard a noise like a crash or something...is everything alright."

Queen Chrysalis quickly turned her head to look at the door, giving Jon momentary relief. But before he could breathe, she swung back around and placed her horn back on his neck.

"Tell them...your fine," she said, pressing her horn even closer. Jon took a moment to think, but soon, his eyes wandered over to Selina, who was still on the ground; she looked hurt. He gulped, which only brought his throat closer to her sharp horn. He didn't want anyone else to get hurt, least of all his staff.

"I'm...I'm fine!" Jon called out. "I just dropped something...please get back to work."

There was a hint of nervousness in his voice, but it was difficult to hear from the other side of the door, so the intern thought nothing of it.

"Oh okay," he called back. "If you need anything." And with that, the sound of the intern walking away prompted Jon to let out a sigh of relief.

"Now then...where were we?" Chrysalis said with a grin. "Ah yes, that's right, my debut appearance."

"Please...just, please don't hurt anyone," Jon pleaded.

"Nopony else has to get hurt," Chrysalis said in an eerie tone. "As long as I get what I want, nothing bad will happen."

Jon was certain that whatever this thing was, it couldn't be trusted, since it had already gravely injured someone, but nevertheless, he vowed to do whatever it took to make sure no one else got hurt. He looked over at Selina, still lying on the floor, and felt guilty that she had been injured at his expense. Relief washed through him a moment later as she began to lift herself up.

Jon was about to call out but his faithful intern gave him a signal to stay quiet. She looked to be in bad shape but slowly and stealthy she walked across the room. Jon saw this and decided to stall for time.

"What do I have to do?" Jon asked the frightening beast.

"Again, it's simple," she answered. "All you have to do is interview me on your show...live in front the entire world."

Jon was only partially paying attention to her demands. He was too busying trying to not look around Chrysalis at Selina, who had now gone to the other side of the room to grab one of the many Emmy Awards that was displayed in his office.

"I will go on live television as the one called 'Lyra' and you will pretend that nothing is amiss," she continued. "Afterwards, I'll leave your world and you'll never see me again...sounds fair, no?"

Limping on one leg Selina made her way towards Chrysalis, brandishing the large golden statue in her hand.

"Tell me...why…why are you doing this?" Jon said, stalling for time. "You could have just made an appointment?"

"Cute...do I look like the kind of pony who will just willingly explain their entire plan?" she asked as Selina inched herself closer. "Again, you needn't concern yourself with why I'm doing this. All you need to worry about is putting on the best interview of your career...which reminds me..."

Bending her long neck over, she once again pointed her long horn right at Jon's face. It began to slowly pulse with magic, which set him nervous. Soon, a concentration of green magic began to form on the tip of her horn, and in a flash, it jumped at Jon, circling all around him.

In fear, he began to swat at it like it was an annoying fly, but soon it disappeared along with any sign that Jon was ever sick along with it. His nose was no longer running and his head felt clear like someone had flushed out the aches and pains. Whatever magic she used, it cured him of his mild cold.

"There we are, good as new." Chrysalis said with a smirk. "We can't have my interview being ruined by the host being sick now can we?"

Jon didn't know whether to be grateful or concerned. Had she just sneaked her way in for the sole purpose of being on the show, Jon might've considered it, but this thing went above and beyond that. She had threatened Jon and used her magic to harm Selina, who was now in a position to hit Chrysalis over the head with the Emmy Award.

Jon tried not to look but his curiosity got the better of him. For a brief second, he looked past the evil queen at his assistant, who was now a foot away from the intruder, raising her weapon high above her head. Unfortunately, Queen Chrysalis noticed Jon's wondering gaze and turned around accordingly.

"SELINA NOW!" Jon yelled. In one quick motion Selina swung the heavy object down, but it was no use. The Queen was faster.

A burst a of magic emanated from Chrysalis' horn, but since it happened in between her and Selina, Jon couldn't see what it was from his angle. Unlike before, where she used a spell to make Selina freeze in place, this time Chrysalis used some kind of magic that shot forth a series of green strand-like objects all around Jon's assistant.

The way the green filaments shot in the air looked remarkably like a party popper being set off, only instead of eventually falling gently to the ground, they engulfed Selina and carried her upwards to the ceiling. Jon watched in absolute horror as his dear friend was propelled upwards to the ceiling, her screams of fear quickly being muffled by the whatever it was that was wrapping around her.

Once everything was set and done, Jon looked on as Selina now hung upside down from the ceiling in what could only be described as a green cocoon filled with a kind of liquid. The look on her face was that of concentrated fear. She struggled to break free, but her prison was stronger than her, and her screams were only barely audible.

"SELINA!" Jon yelled.

"Sit down, human." Chrysalis said.

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Jon said as he got up to help her down. Turning around, the queen glared at Jon with evil eyes.

"I SAID SIT DOWN!" she roared. Her eyes began to glow, as did her horn, and it was then that Jon felt his esophagus close up. Whatever she was doing was making it harder and harder for him to breathe. It was only when Jon sat back down did his airway clear up and he drew breath.

"Enough games!" she continued. "You will have me on your show or you'll suffer the same fate as your assistant!"

A hurricane of emotions swirled inside of Jon. He felt scared for his life, yet at the same time anger for what she had done to his longtime friend. He wanted to take a swing at her, but he knew if he even tried she would use some kind of magic to stop him.

"You won't get away with this," Jon said, eyes filled with contempt. "Celestia will find out what you're planning and will stop you!" His threats did very little to scare Chrysalis, if anything, they amused her.

"Celestia! You think I'm afraid of that royal simpleton?!" She laughed. "Please, human...I've dealt with her before and soon I will confront her again."

"It may be sooner than you think," he said. "Celestia thinks Lyra is only here for a quick visit...when she hasn't heard from me she'll know something is up."

"Actually...you are mistaken." She chuckled. "Celestia thinks Lyra is here for an interview...she won't expect to see me back for quite some time."

"Th...that's impossible!" he exclaimed. "I just talked with not fifteen minutes ago! We had an agreement about—"

Before he could finish, Queen Chrysalis began to laugh maniacally to herself. If Jon had said something funny, it was lost on him.

"You still believe you talked with Celestia!?" she blurted after she was done laughing. "You homosapiens really are stupid...tell me human...did your conversation go something like this..."

Taking a deep breath the corrupted Queen arched her neck back and closed her eyes. She began to clear her throat like had something stuck in it but soon she went back to looking at Jon.

"Hello Mr. Stewart...it is I...your dearest friend Celestia," Queen Chrysalis said, mimicking Celestia’s voice. "Listen, I have a favor to ask of you...there is this pony who is just dying to meet you."

Jon felt his heart sink into his stomach. The way she spoke sounded a lot like Celestia...in fact it sounded exactly like Celestia right down to the soothing tone that Jon loved so much.

"That....that was you," Jon said, his voice shaken with fear.

"That's riiiight," Chrysalis said. "And last night...Celestia got a call from you saying that you wanted Lyra on your show."

"No," he said.

"Oh yes," she corrected. "I believe you said something along the lines of..."

Again she took a deep breath and threw her head back. Jon knew what was coming and tried to brace himself accordingly, but when she began to speak, he was still taken by surprise.

"Hello your majesty it's me, Jon Stewart," Chrysalis said in Jon's voice. "Listen, I don't have much time right now because I'm so busy but could you please have Lyra Heartstrings sent to me tomorrow morning? I want her for my show."

Even if Jon wanted to get up and retaliate against his intruder, he wouldn't have been able to...his legs felt like they were made of Jello and he felt as if there was a heavy lump of red hot lead in his stomach. A now-terrified Jon tried to speak but he found that he had temporarily forgotten how to.

"H...h...ho....h-h-how—" Jon said before getting interrupted.

"How did I pull all this off? How did I trick both you and Celestia at the same time? It's simple...I used this!" Chrysalis said. Using her magic he produced a rectangular piece of metal from under her wing, she tossed it onto Jon's desk. "I believe you dropped this?"

It took a second for Jon to identify what Chrysalis had had in her possession. Once he did, however, he found himself breathing heavily, and in a state of distress as if she'd just thrown a ticking time bomb at him. The object before him was his own cellphone, which he had lost in Equestria when he accidentally had been teleported to Cloudsdale in search of Fluttershy.

"Where did you get that?" Jon asked. He scooted back in his chair as if it was about to blow.

"Oh this little thing...I found it," she said in an off putting tone. "Works just fine if you're wondering...you can have it back. I have no further use for it...but thanks ever so much for putting both yours and Celestia number in your contacts...it really helped me out a lot."

Jon said nothing. He had tried having his provider cancel his phone line, but they had trouble doing so; possibly because it was in another world. So he made plans to get a new one, but he never fully went through with it since it was a private line, which he rarely used, and not his professional number.

He was certain he'd never see his original phone again, but here it was....fully charged and by the looks of things, still fully functional. He tried reaching out to it but his hand refused to move.

"You know...I've actually been planning this for quite some time," Chrysalis continued. "But I never went through with it because I didn't know how exactly to get here...that and among other things, how to even begin to get on your show...but having this machine yours really helped speed things up."

Jon finally grabbed a hold of his phone...it felt cold in his hands like it had been left in a freezer. It was still functional but it now had scratches all over it.

"So...I think we're in an agreement here...you do what I say and nopony else has to suffer," Chrysalis said in the most smuggest of tones. "Now then, it has come to my attention that whenever you have a guest from Equestria, the real Princess Celestia likes to call in to confirm their safe arrival...in about a few minutes she’s going to do just that. When she calls you to make sure Lyra made it to your world alright, you will answer the phone and tell her that all is well and that you are thankful for her assistance...understand?"

Clenching the phone in his hand, Jon got up to try and match eye level with the demented creature; he was visibly angry. He did not like to be pushed around like this, and above all, he hated that she expected him to help her.

"And what if I don't?" Jon asked with gritted teeth. "What if instead I say...that you disguised yourself as Lyra and that you're trying to take over my show?"

Instead of trying to compete with his level of emotions, Chrysalis just laughed in his face and flew off the desk. She walked under the cocoon that held Selina and admired her handy work.

"You won’t," she said with much confidence.

"How can you be so sure!?" Jon said "All it'll take for Celestia to teleport herself here and kick your ass is one hint that I'm in trouble! Just one!"

With a chuckle, Chrysalis flew up to gently rub the cocoon that she had created like it was her grand masterpiece.

"Tell me human...do you have any children?" She asked a now stunned Jon Stewart. "Because I do...I have thousands of them...that's actually how I found your device." Using her magic, she commanded Jon's phone to come to her and it did. She began to examine it like an egg about to hatch.

"A truly wondrous device this is," she continued. "Did you know that you've stored quite a bit of information on this thing like...where you live, where you work, contacts for your friends, and the fact that...you have a wife and two kids."

Without even having to ask, Jon sat back down in his seat. He slumped in his chair as the gravity of the situation began to set in slowly and painfully. Jon only listened, which meant he didn't see Chrysalis use her hoof to cycle through picture after picture in his album application.

"Such beautiful children you have...says here their names are Maggie and Nathan...they can't be more than ten years old," she said in a tone that made Jon want to vomit. "And this must be your wife...I don't know much about human appearances but to me she doesn't look like much of a looker...you could have done better. Says here her name is Tracey McShane...and if I look up her profile it gives me her address as well as where you two live..."

"Please stop," Jon said. He tried to convince himself that none of this was happening...but it was.

"Now...here's what's going to happen...when Celestia calls, you're going to put on your best game face and tell here that Lyra has arrived safely and that everything is alright." She ordered. "Because if you don't...I'll make sure you never...see your precious family ever again...okay?"

Before Jon could answer his newly delivered cellphone began to ring, and immediately he knew who it was. The ringtone was the song "Her Majesty" by The Beatles which he had set to be played whenever Celestia called. He had thought it was clever, but at the moment it only made him nervous. As it rang, Chrysalis used to magic to set it very delicately in front of him.

"Answer it," Chrysalis said from across the room. When Jon didn't move she teleported herself back on top of his desk and pointed her horn to his face. "I said...answer it."

Slowly Jon took the phone in his hands, and when he looked at the screen, he confirmed it was indeed Celestia. He pressed the answer button but didn't immediately put it to his ear. He looked in Chrysalis' eyes, which conveyed that she was serious and slowly placed the phone against his ear, where he heard Celestia already in the middle of talking.

"...I said hello? Hello Jon are you there?" she said. "I’m just calling to make sure everything is alright?"

Jon tried to speak but no words came out. In response to the Chrysalis pointed her horn to his neck.

"Uh yeah hello...I'm...I'm here. I’m fine," he said in a nervous tone. "How uh…how are you?

"Ah there you are, and I'm fine, thanks for asking! For a second I thought I had dialed the wrong number," she said with a chuckle. "Though I don't know many other Jon Stewarts."

When Jon didn't respond right away, Celestia called out to see if he was still there. Jon was so nervous he had forgotten how to carry on a conversation, something which made Chrysalis dig her horn deeper against his neck.

"OH! Uh ha, ha that's a goood one...Celestia...r-real funny," he said. "So...what's this about?"

"Well as you know, I like to call and make sure your guest made it alright," she said in a tone like a mother asking a school teacher about their child. "And I know you're very busy right now so I won't take up too much of your time...did Lyra make it alright?"

At that moment, time seemed to slow down for Jon to the point where it just stopped. He knew that all he had to do was tell Celestia that this monster was here and that she'd do something about it. Maybe she'd teleport him out of the room or use her magic to stop Chrysalis from moving the way she had done to him. He was one second away from calling for help when he looked over at Selina, still in her cocoon prison.

He then imagined that same enclosure being worn by his two children and loving wife, hanging upside down with the same expression of fear and pain. It was a thought that made him almost vomit right there...he couldn't risk it.

"Jon?" Celestia called out. "Is something the matter...you sound disturbed." For the sake of his own life and that of his family, Jon threw his head back up and puffed out his chest. Years of acting kicked in and he began to talk more fluently.

"Sorry about that Celestia, I'm fighting a cold at the moment," Jon said. His tone was smooth and collected like nothing had ever happened. His straight face was so convincing that even Chrysalis found herself shocked by his acting. "And as for Lyra yes she made it safely...gotta admit though, it’s odd seeing her without that earth pony friend of hers...from what I understood those two are connected at the hip."

"Oh trust me, you're not the only one surprised by that," Celestia said as Chrysalis gave Jon a nod of the head. "I thought for sure she'd want to go on TV with her partner, but she insisted she go it alone."

"Well I can understand why," Jon said. "I mean I love Tracey but I wouldn't take her with me everywhere I went."

"Well I'm afraid I can't chime on this. I don't have any significant other," she said with a giggle. "Speaking of which how is Tracey?"

Before answering Jon looked at Chrysalis who gave him a signal to get things moving along.

"Uh she's great but listen I hate to be rude but I really must go," Jon said. "I have a client in my office right now and she's looking very upset."

"Oh of course. I'll leave you to your work," she said. "Can't wait for tonight's show."

"Me either." Jon said with a fast appearing frown. "It's sure to be a blast."

Having said their goodbyes, both parties hung their phones with Jon looking depressed, as if he was just forced to say goodbye a friend.

"Excellent performance!" Chrysalis exclaimed. "Make sure to leave some room for more of that tonight when I'm on stage...I want you to be at your absolute best."

"If I do this...you promise you won't hurt my family," Jon said in a sickly tone.

"Oh of course, you have my word," she said with a smile that did very little to reassure Jon. "Now then, you should rest up for tonight...I on the other hoof, need time to prepare."

"Selina can help you..." Jon deadpanned. "Just get her down first."

"Oh, you mean you're human slave? Good idea...oh and by the way...Don't even think about trying to call Celestia for help while I'm gone. I had some of my children infiltrate the castle, disguised as guards. So if you try and send her a message about me...I'll know," Chrysalis said to Jon. For emphasis she tapped her horn and gave a grin like she knew what he was thinking. "But just in case you're still thinking about trying..."

Again, she pointed her horn at Jon's face, but unlike before, he didn't react as much; he just sat there, slumped in his chair like he was slowly sinking. A small green light shot forth from her horn and went right in between his eyes. Jon felt no pain, but just like before, an odd sensation began to envelope Jon's brain like he was slowly falling asleep. The sensation eventually subsided and he suddenly felt like his head was heavier.

"There...a little insurance," she added. "Now even if you are foolish enough to try it, I'll immediately be alerted." Once she was satisfied that her spell had worked, she hopped on down from the desk and made her way to the center of his office.

Using her magic, she turned back into her smaller, Lyra form. Her horn began to glow and as it did, the cocoon that housed Selina burst open and out she fell, no longer covered in ooze but gasping for breath.

"Selina was it?" Chrysalis said to the terrified assistant. "I'll need you to escort me around the office...maybe take me to your designer...my hooves could use some polishing."

"Why...you..." Selina said as she slowly got up. Making a fist, she looked like she was about to pounce on Chrysalis like a large cat, but before she could even think about what she would do, Jon called out.

"Selina don't," Jon said from his seat. She looked over at her boss with a surprised look about her. "Do as she says...whatever she wants...make sure she gets it." Since she was in the cocoon, she hadn’t heard anything they had said, she was shocked to see Jon look so defeated.

"Very good, human. Keep this up and I can guarantee all will be well," Chrysalis said in her now-Lyra voice. Turning on her hoofs she walked towards the door and faced Selina. "Come along slave, I'm wanted in makeup."

Selina watched as her boss let the smug faced attacker walk out of his office.

"Jon?" she asked a scared tone.

"Just go, Selina," he said. She obeyed and followed Chrysalis out the door.

"Oh and one more thing...you can't stop me...so don't even try. I appreciate you might not fully comprehend my power, so for now, I'll just say this..." she said as she slowly turning to face Jon. "Back in Equestria, there are old stories about a species of monsters called the 'Changelings'."

The name itself got Jon's attention. He had no idea what they were, but he had briefly heard about them at one point.

"Ponies tell all kinds of stories about them...about how they sneak in houses at night and take away misbehaving fillies and colts," she said with a serious face, which was now giving way to a sadistic smile. "Well I'm here today to tell you that such monsters exist...and I'm their queen."

No one said anything. An eerie silence fell over the room, leaving Jon to think about his present situation. Feeling like she had gotten her point across, Chrysalis exited the room with Selina following behind very hesitantly. On her way out, she closed the door to the office as she always did out of habit, leaving Jon all alone.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Jon's secret weapon.

Even with Chrysalis having just cured him of his mild illness, Jon now felt utterly sick and corroded down to his soul. An overwhelming sense of helplessness and guilt flowed from every pore of his body and he felt like this was entirely his fault somehow, like he had betrayed both himself, and everyone he loved.

Reaching out, he grabbed his phone, the very same phone that was used as a weapon against him. It was still set to the gallery application and there was a picture of his children. Tears began to fall from his face as she scrolled through picture after picture. He leaned forward in his desk to hide his sunken face, even though he was alone.

He had the feeling that no matter what, someone he loved would be hurt. He knew that this evil creature could not be trusted to keep her word, and that whatever she was planning was in no way in just cause. On paper it sounded as if all she wanted was some TV time, but deep down he knew there was more to it than that...he had to get rid of her, but he didn't know how.

He continued to cycle through picture after picture, and just when it seemed that all hope was lost, an idea came to mind. At first it seemed trivial, but then the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

"She doesn't know." Jon said to himself. Looking in all directions, he began to formulate a plan in his head, a plan that seemed too simple to work, but it was his only option. Jumping from his seat, Jon quickly grabbed a piece of paper and wrote something down. He then rushed to his office door with an idea in his brain, a new found sense of urgency flowing through him. He had a plan he just needed to get back home.

He was moments away from opening the door when he stopped to collect himself. He wiped his eyes of any loose tears and took a deep breath, then another. For this to work, he needed to trick Chrysalis the same he had just deceived Celestia. After he was both mentally and physically ready, he opened the door just in time to see his assistant escort the still-disguised Queen Chrysalis down a nearby hallway.

"Selina, can I have a word with you?" Jon called out in a perfectly acceptable and stable tone. Before she could answer, a very skeptical looking Chrysalis stepped in front of her.

"Why?" she asked in her very convincing Lyra voice.

"Oh it's nothing really. I just want to make sure everything goes well for tonight's show," Jon answered. "After all, I wasn't expecting to have a pony on the show tonight."

With a nod of the head, Chrysalis allowed Selina to approach Jon, though she kept a very watchful eye on the two. When Jon spoke to Selina, he did so in high voice so everyone could hear him.

"Selina, I need you to make sure the boys in the back prep the stage," Jon said. "Make sure it's set up for our guest. That means we’ll need to use the props from set 'B' and not set 'A,' I remind you what happened the last time that happened...also be sure to tell our former guest that we won't be needing him anymore...if he asks why tell him there was a mix up in scheduling."

While this was going on, Queen Chrysalis was busily waiting for Selina to return, her gaze never leaving the two. Seeing this caused Jon to try something different. Turning now to his many interns and stagehands, Jon raised his voice to address everyone in the office.

"Everyone, can I have your attention...this is Lyra and she's to be on the show tonight," Jon said with an outstretched hand. Most, if not all his workers, acted rather confused since this wasn't originally scheduled. "While she's here I want everyone to make her feel at home here at Daily Show headquarters, so please...I would like everyone who is scheduled to help on set today to introduce yourself."

When he was done talking, a considerable amount of young adults approached Queen Chrysalis, each of them introducing themselves or cutting to the chase to ask a question. While she was distracted by this, Jon slid a note into Selina's hand. Brisking past her, he waved his hands at the many interns who were talking with Chrysalis like birds trying to feed on bread crumbs.

"Alright guys and gals, you'll all have a chance to introduce yourself to Lyra when she comes to your department," Jon said, trying to up the crowd her had created. While this was happening, Selina quickly read the note Jon had given her. "Right now she needs to go get wardrobe...or actually maybe we can skip that part."

His co-workers laughed as Selina came up from behind him, and with a slip of the hand, gave him back the note.

"So Lyra...is there anything else you need?" Jon asked. Instead of acting skeptical, Chrysalis took his overly cheerful demeanor as a sign on acceptance.

"No I should be fine," she said.

"Good. While you two ladies get better acquainted with our building, I'll be in my office doing busy work.” And with that, Selina escorted Chrysalis around the corner to where the cosmetology students and officials were stationed.

Jon waited a few seconds after the two of them were out of sight, whereupon he quickly rushed down one of the opposite hallways which lead to the back door. He turned a corner so fast he almost knocked over a mailroom clerk in the process, but eventually he found the door.

Bursting back out into daylight, Jon ran through the parking lot and to the street corner and flagged down a passing taxi. He gave his desired address and he was soon on his way, but not before he threw away the note that he had previously given to his loyal assistant which had read:

Selina-- Stall that thing by any means necessary. If she asks where I am just tell her I'm busy preparing for tonight or something.

Call my mother and tell her to meet me at my house.

It took the cabbie about twenty minutes, but he eventually got Jon back home. In a rush, Jon leapt from the vehicle and threw a couple of bills at the driver without bothering to ask for change. He could hear the car pull away as he ran up to the door. Frantically, he pulled out his keys and tried to unlock the door, only to drop it on the ground. When he bent down to pick them up, he found himself stopping.

He tried to calm himself down, but the image of Selina hanging upside down was more than he could bare. He took a deep breath, stood up, and calmly unlocked his front door. Slowly he opened it, expecting the worse, but to his relief, he didn't see any signs of anyone being in the house besides himself and his family.

He looked across the room and there he saw the flat screen television, still ever present on the wall in the living room, being used for its intended purpose. Quickly, he rushed towards the couch, and there it was, a glimmer of hope in his otherwise horrible day.

Still sitting in the same spot as when he left, were his two children, each of them still playing their video game. Aside from maybe a change in positions to Jon, it looked as if they hadn’t moved at all since he left that mornings to go to work.

They didn't turn to look at him, as they were still fixated on their current game, but one pair of eyes did find their way to Jon.

For there, sitting in between them was who Jon was looking for the most. The answer to all of his problems and subsequently his ace in the hole, came in the form of a small blue pony using both her hooves and horn to handle a video game controller.

She was a friend, a family member, and now Jon's secret weapon...she was the Great and Powerful Trixie.

"Stewart," she said with uninterested eyes. "You're home early."

Jon didn't say anything right away. Instead, he just stared at her, his chest heaving up and down from running up to the house.

"What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen a ghost," she said. Her attention was now drawn away from Jon and onto the screen at the behest of the kids, who complained that she was slowing them down. "Look, if you're wondering why I'm doing this, the kids asked me to...even though I don't possess any fingers I think I'm getting the hang of it."

Now all three of them were ignoring Jon. They were too busy concentrating on their current game session to notice tears of joy swelling up in Jon's eyes. He wasn't upset by their lack of interest in his presence, he was just happy to see that they were okay.

"OH THANK GOD!" he yelled as he dropped to his knees and grabbed his two children and Trixie in his arm for forced group hug. None of them took a liking to it.

"DADDDY!" Nathan complained. "We're playing a game!"

"Yeah, daddy!" Maggie added. "I can't see!"

His two children weren't the only ones bothered by Jon's surprise hug out of nowhere. Arguably the most annoyed by this was Trixie since she was sitting in the middle of the two children, as a result she felt the most compressed out of all of them.

"Let me go at once!" she barked. "The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that you relinquish me this instant!"

Despite all their struggling and demands, Jon refused to let go. The more they pushed him away, the more he hugged them back. He so happy to see that the three of them were safe he didn't even notice Trixie using her hoof to pop him on the head a few times.

Still overcome by his sense of relief, Jon gave each of his children, as well as Trixie, a kiss on the forehead as if he’d never get to see them again. Trixie really didn't like that.

"Bleh! Let...go of me!" she ordered. "Trixie does not like being slobbered on!"

The kids struggling came to a sudden halt once a chipper bit of music came from the TV signaling that both children and Trixie had gotten a "Game Over."

"Awww man!" Nathan complained.

"Daddy you killed us!" Maggie moaned, saddened that they would now have to start from their last checkpoint. As if his daughter had said the magic words Jon, released them. Both Nathan and Maggie grabbed their controllers and tried to get back to their game, or at least they would have, had Jon not kneeled down in front of them, blocking their view of the TV.

"I'm...I'm sorry kids," Jon said. To show he was serious, he placed a hand on their shoulders and began to talk nice and slowly so they would understand. "Listen...while I was gone did anyone try to get in the house?"

At this point, Trixie had finished wiping off any saliva that Jon might've gotten on her. She was moments away from yelling at him for his insane behavior, but before she got to it, Jon's face caught her eye. To say he looked sad would be a gross understatement; his face looked to be permanently petrified in a mixture of agony and horror. But most of all she noticed his eyes; they looked like they had seen things that one should never see. She even noticed there was some evidence that he had been crying.

His children however, didn't notice their father's disturbed appearance, nor would they be able to fully comprehend what it all meant, as demonstrated by their answering of his questions.

"No daddy," Nathan said in an annoyed tone. "No one came to the house." He tried to look past his father at the TV, but Jon wasn't done with them yet.

"Okay, but did anyone try and call!?" Jon asked

"Nope," Maggie answered.

To show that he was done questioning them, Jon took his hands off their shoulders and stood up to get out of their way.

"Stewart?" Trixie asked. "Is everything alright? You look worse now than when you left."

"No I'm...I'm fine," Jon said as he paced back and forth. He closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair while taking deep breaths. Unsatisfied with his answer, Trixie jumped from her seat and approached him.

"Did something happen at work?" she asked. When Jon didn't answer her question, her mind began to wander and she started to suspect the worse. Not knowing that what was really going on was far more insidious than she could ever imagine.

After having some time to think Jon ran up to his kids again. Only this time he didn't get in their field of view.

"Hey kids...did mommy ever come back home?" Jon asked. Both kids didn't answer but instead shook their heads.

"She's still at work," Trixie said from behind. "What's all this about?"

Instead of answering her question, Jon turned around, and with one arm scooped Trixie up in the air, tucking her body under his arm like he was holding an oversized football. Though in his haste, he managed to lift her upside down.

"HEY!" she shrieked. "Put me down!" Her cries of frustration caused both kids to look in their direction and laugh at the spectacle that was Trixie's butt extruding in the air and her hooves flailing wildly about.

"Hey kids, look I'm uh...I'm going to borrow Trixie for a second so be good and stay here!" Jon said. The two kids paused their game to give their attention, since it involved their beloved baby sitter. "While I'm gone, your grandmother is going to be taking care of you...she should be here very soon."

Maneuvering over her brother, Maggie ran across the cough to jump up and down.

"Grandma's coming!?" she yelled.

"That's right!" Jon answered. "So make sure to—"

"Can we show her to the Great and Powerful Trixie!?" She interrupted while Trixie still struggled in Jon’s arms.

"No, no, no. I'm sorry but I'm borrowing Trixie for now," Jon said. "Don't worry, I'll bring her back!"

"Promise?" Nathan asked with a skeptical look.

"I promise!" Jon said. He almost dropped Trixie, who was still struggling with all her might to break free. "Now stay here and be good! Me and Trixie have some...adult things to talk about upstairs."

"I'm not going anywhere till you tell me what's going on!" Trixie yelled. "I ordered you to release me at once! You have until the count of three...one...two...Th— AH!"

Before she could finish her countdown, Jon turned around and as fast as he could rushed towards the stairs.

"Stay here!" Jon told his kids as he ran up the stairs, the indignant mare still tucked underneath his arm. After getting to the top of the stairs he used his free arm to open the door to his study. After almost tripping over his own feet, he rushed in and closed the door behind him like he was being followed by someone.

Before Trixie could say anything else, Jon tossed her as gently as he could on the nearby sofa.

She wasn't very thankful for being manhandled.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" she said with much contempt. "Have you lost your mind!?" Jon didn't answer. Instead, he ran around the room, shutting windows and closing blinds as quickly as he could.

"DON'T IGNORE ME!" she yelled. "I asked you a question and I demand you answer me!" Again Jon said nothing. His final act of security was to grab the cord that connected his phone to the wall and yank it out so no one could call. To make sure he didn't miss anything, he began to run around the room looking everywhere, as if he was trying to find an Easter egg.

"What are you doing!? Stop this at once!" Trixie shouted. "HEY! The Great and Powerful Trixie commands you to—"

"TRIXIE WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!?" Jon yelled at the top of his voice. Immediately he regretted what he had done.

Trixie looked shocked. Her ears folded and she began to take a few steps back in fear. She had always known Jon as that campy human who never had a mean bone in his body…she had never seen Jon look like this before.

The horrified look on her face sent pangs of guilt throughout Jon's body. He didn't mean to yell at her...this wasn't her fault.

"Trixie...Trixie I'm...I-I'm sorry," Jon said as he reached out with his hand. "It's just that I...I need...Oh god." Dropping to his knees, Jon's shoulders slumped and he covered his face with his hands. Trixie could hear muffled sounds that were in synch with her beating heart. Having seen Jon go from intense anger to disheveled agony was something she thought she'd never see from him.

"...S-Stewart?..." she said as she slowly approached him. "Are... are you alright?"

Out of instinct, she reached out with her hoof, unsure of where she would put it. Before she could, however, Jon looked up at with her with sad, watery eyes.

"Trixie," he said in a scared voice. "I need your help."

Trixie was never one to ask support from others. Even if she desperately needed it, her pride and tendency to not rely on others wouldn't allow her. Subsequently, this also meant that not a lot of people ask for her help in general. All of this meant that she didn't really know what to say when Jon was literally on his knees begging for her assistance.

"Please Trixie," Jon said again with increasingly tearful eyes. "I’m in big trouble."

Had this been anyone else, she might have considered leaving them to sort out their own problems, but since it was Jon, she obliged him a little by at the very least asking what the problem was.

"Trouble...with what?" Trixie asked tentatively. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Jon got up and began to collect himself. He wanted to be sure he spoke clearly and without falter.

"Trixie, something...something from Equestria came to the office today," Jon said. His breathing was now under control. But the more he explained his situation the more rapid it became. "Something...something really bad...and I need you to get rid of it."

"Why don't you explain from the beginning?" Trixie said. Jon's hands were still shaking and he felt like he could fall apart at any time. Taking another deep breath, he walked across the room to the couch near the door. It was no more than a few feet away, but to Jon it felt like it was on the other side of the planet. Slowly, he navigated towards it as if he was on a traipse wire.

"Okay, this is what happened," Jon said as he took his seat. "This...this thing tricked its way into my office and it demanded that I do whatever she says...I tried to get it to leave but it was too powerful." Jon's mind was still frantic; it took all he had to explain this much without going into a panic. He stopped to breathe again while Trixie did her best to draw her own conclusions.

"And you want me to send this thing back for you?" Trixie surmised which in turn got a nod of the head from Jon. Feeling cocky, Trixie shook her head back and forth and threw hooves in the air. "Fear not Stewart! For I the Great and Powerful Trixie, will vanquish this foe for you and save the day once again! Now then...who is this creature that will have the misfortune of dealing with Trixie?"

"It's some weird thing with holes all over her body," Jon said as he rubbed his hand across his face. He tried to remember as much as he could about her on the off chance that Trixie didn't know her. "She has green hair and a black body and she called herself Queen...uh Queen Crisis, or something like Queen Crystals...or—"

"Queen Chrysalis!?" Trixie exclaimed.

"Yeah, yeah, that's her!" Jon said. "You know her?" Now it was Trixie who looked scared out of her mind. She took a step back and began to look in all directions as if the walls were about to close in on her.

"Queen Chrysalis is here!?" she continued. "...In New York!?"

"Yeah and she’s trying to take over my show!" Jon said. "So can you help me?"

"You want me to go up against Queen Chrysalis!?" she said frantically. "Are you crazy!?"

"But I thought you said can handle this!?" Jon said as he stood up from his seat.

"Well yeah, but that was before I knew who I was dealing with! Stewart...you don't understand! Queen Chrysalis she's...she's a very high level magic user," Trixie explained. "Her power is far, far beyond my- I mean, I...look, I want to help, but can't you just get Celestia to do it?"

"That's not going to work. Trust me, I thought about that," Jon said, sitting back down. "Chrysalis said if I tried, she'd know it...she did something to me and well...I'm not going to risk finding out if it was a bluff. Please Trixie you're the only one I can count on here."

Feeling needed like this did give Trixie a sense of importance, but what Jon was asking was almost suicidal.

"...And there’s no other option?" Trixie asked as she used her hoof to carve a pattern into the carpet of Jon's study.

"No...this Queen Chrysalis has thought of everything." Jon explained. "She tricked her way into my world pretending to be someone else, she used my phone to deceive both me and Celestia into letting our guards down, and she found a way get me to do whatever she says...she's thought of everything...except for you."

"M-me?" Trixie said.

"Yes you! I mean, no one knows you're here, not even Celestia, remember?" Jon continued. “Your interview never made it on television...she may have planned out everything, and anticipated everyone...but you…who could ever anticipate you?"

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: A battle plan

A sudden look of realization found its way onto Trixie's face. Queen Chrysalis had severed any hope Jon had of calling in reinforcements from Equestria. Unaware of the fact that Trixie had been living with him for months now, Jon's only chance of survival was now squarely in the hooves of Trixie and Trixie alone...it didn't exactly put her in the right mindset.

"Stewart I...I don't know," Trixie said. The weight of the situation began to take form in her head. "I mean...I want to help, really, I do, but I don't think I'm the right pony for this."

"Trixie please," Jon said with begging hands. "This is a lot to ask of you and I understand that, but you—"

"NO! No you don't understand!" Trixie yelled, surprising Jon. She was noticeably scared, made evident by how she was shaking like a chihuahua in snowstorm. "I'm sorry, but you don't understand! You didn't grow up in Equestria, but I did! You have no idea what Queen Chrysalis is capable of. Trust me, I've heard the stories, and I've seen what she can do."

"That's why I need your help now more than ever! You know what to expect," Jon countered. "Please, Trixie you're the only magic user in this world that can help me."

Maybe it was because she was still nervous about helping Jon, or just as an excuse to be confrontational, but for whatever reason, Trixie decided to take what Jon had said too personally.

"Oh I see," Trixie said with a forced level of annoyance. "You only need my help because I can use magic!"

"Trixie, that's not what I meant" Jon said. "I just—"

"No I get it," Trixie continued. "You don't need my help, you just need somepony who knows magic...I guess if some other pony was here you would—"

"For the love I god why won't you help me!" Jon said in a loud, but not threatening manner.

"I'm just...look I'd like to help you Stewart, really, I would, it's just...you know," she said in an unconvincing tone.

"No...no I don't know, so please explain it to me," Jon said, but despite his best efforts, Trixie now remained silent. She nervously looked in all directions as if an answer would materialize before them. "Come one, I've always been there for you, so why won't you help me now?”

“Look…I just…I can’t do it,” she said as she turned to expose her back.

“Buy why!?” Jon asked. Why Trixie...why!?"

"Because I'm not strong enough!" Trixie yelled back surprising both Jon and herself. "There! You want me to say it! I'm just...I'm just not strong enough to go up against somepony like her...if I help I'll only mess things up like I always do."

"Oh I...c’mon that's not true," Jon pleaded.

"Oh isn't it? Face it, Stewart, I'm a failure as a magic user," she said, trying her hardest to fight back the emotions that came with having to face her own self-actualization. "I know...I know I say stuff like I'm great and powerful or that I'm the most powerful unicorn ever, but I'm just...not...look I would love nothing more than to help you, but I'm scared I won't be able to."

"Trixie," Jon said in a pleading tone.

"I'm...I'm sorry," she said. To avoid eye contact, she bowed her head down and looked away. "I'm sure you'll think of some way to—"

"Trixie, please I can't do this by myself!" he exclaimed. Without even thinking about it, he dropped to his knees and grabbed her shoulders. "For god sake, she threatened my family!"

Instead of pushing Jon away or complaining that she was once again being handled, Trixie couldn't help but stare back into Jon's sad eyes.

"W-wha—...she what?" she asked.

"She had my phone so she knows everything," he explained. "She knows where we live and where me and Tracey work...she even knows the kid's names...Please Trixie; the kids need you...Tracey needs you...I need you."

"…She threatened to harm Maggie and Nathan," Trixie asked after a lengthy pause.

"Yeah," Jon answered, determined to bring her home. "She said if I didn't do exactly as she said, that I'd never see my family again."

After he was done explaining Jon took a step back to give his unicorn friend some space as well as time to think. Without saying a word, she ran to the door of Jon's office and opened it slightly so she could hear the kids playing downstairs. Their voices could be heard all the way from upstairs; a combination of laughter and the game's soundtrack.

Closing the door, Trixie turned to face Jon with a determined look about her. She was still nervous about the prospect of going up against Queen Chrysalis by herself, though Jon couldn’t tell.

"Okay, I'm in," Trixie said. Falling back in his seat, Jon took a deep sigh like he'd been holding his breath.

"Thank you, Trixie," he said. "I knew I could count on you."

"Don't thank me just yet." Trixie sighed as she walked across the room. "Before we go on any further, I need to know the details of what she's planning...refresh my memory. Did she mention why she's here or what she wants?"

"Well...I know what she wants I just don't know why." Jon said.

"Elaborate," she said as she turned around to talk in the opposite direction, going back and forth occasionally, stopping and going like a cheap dell laptop.

"Alright, alright...When she arrived in my office, her one demand was that I have her on the show as my next guest," Jon explained. "And...that's it. Other than telling me to my shut my mouth about it that was her only demand."

This sudden news caused Trixie to stop pacing in place. Quickly, she turned to look at Jon like a deer caught in someone's headlights.

"Did she say that she wanted the interview to be live!?” she asked with concerned eyes. "And that she was to be disguised as somepony else."

"What, were you there or something? That's actually what she wanted," Jon said, throwing up his arms in surprise.

There was now a moment of silence and stillness. Trixie was looking in Jon's direction, but her gaze suggested she wasn't looking particularly at him but rather into the void of space.

"Hey, Trixie...you alright?" Jon asked Trixie who took a second to respond.

"I'll be honest with you, Stewart; this may be more dangerous than I thought," she said with a very concerned look on her face. "I know what she's planning...but for you to understand, you need to know exactly...what Queen Chrysalis is."

"She said she was uh, something called...a changeling," Jon said.

"Yes she's their queen," Trixie said. "But do you know what a changeling is?"

"No," he admitted. Jon was now much calmer than when he first started, and was now more willing to listen. "I've heard about them, but I don't know anything about what they are."

Jon's confusion for such a prominent topic was how Trixie felt a lot of time when she first moved to the human world, and was met on all sides by cultural entities that she did not understand. For her, having to explain what a Changeling was to someone was a very odd concept, since virtually everyone she knew back home knew of them.

She sat down on the couch next to Jon and began her lecture.

"Okay try to keep up...there are a lot of theories about their origin, but the way I was taught when I was but a young foal was that the changelings used to be a species of ponies that lived centuries ago. Their leader wanted only the best for her loyal subjects, so she made a deal with a powerful creature to grant herself and her subjects immortality." Trixie explained while Jon listened intently. "However, the powerful creature tricked her and as a result she and her subjects became corrupted by the magic. As a result, they turned into evil, raving monsters with the ability to change their appearance whenever they wanted."

"Okay, but what does all that have to do with my show?" Jon asked.

"I'm getting to that...so as I was saying, they have the ability to turn change their appearance to look like anypony they want, which they needed to counter another aspect of their curse. You see, a changeling's immortality comes with a price. While they can't be killed, they need energy to survive; they feed off the love of other ponies; that's the only way to get their power back." Trixie explained while, at the same time, trying to separate what she knew as fact and what she knew only by myth. "When I was in the orphanage, the house mother and father would tell stories about how Changelings would sneak into the house and gobble up misbehaving young foals who didn't listen or do their chores, and take their place. Before they got desperate, changelings would actually sneak into towns and assume the form of a friend or family member in order to absorb the love from those around them."

"Well if this thing is trying to get me to love it, then it's doing a pretty fucking terrible job at it so far," he grumbled.

"It's not your love she's after," Trixie said, pausing for a second. "It's your audience's"

"Wait...what do you...” Jon’s eyes widened in realization. “Oh shit!”

"Exactly. Stewart, she wants to be on your show because she wants to devour the love she'll get from audiences both here, and Equestria," Trixie said. "You've said it yourself before, 'Equestrian interviews' is your most watched episodes...everypony who watches those segments falls in love with the guest. If Queen Chrysalis goes up there, she'll be watched by who knows how many ponies and humans."

"Millions…maybe more," Jon answered, placing his elbows on his knees and a hand on his forehead. "If she goes up there, she'll be watched by millions of people...and that's just here in the states...we broadcast all over the world and from what I know this show gets out to all corners of Equestria."

Slowly, Jon leaned back in his seat so carefully one might think he was made of glass. He was trying his best to recollect what the average census was for amount of viewers per episode. For the ones that had an Equestrian guest the numbers were extremely high, and that was only counting viewers from the his world. Averaged out the least popular 'Equestrian interview' was more watched than his most popular 'regular' episode.

After running the numbers in his head Jon began to panic, causing him to go into denial.

"M-maybe it won't so be bad?" Jon thought out loud.

"Excuse me?" Trixie blurted.

"I mean maybe she won't be that powerful," Jon explained while rocking back and forth in his seat. "Yes a lot of people will watch but who can say for sure how strong she'll be?"

His theory did very little to make Trixie feel better about the situation. She shook her head at Jon with a face like she knew something that he didn't.

"I hate to tell you, Stewart but you're very wrong. This idea that she might not be that strong is foolish...you don't understand, so allow me to put things into context for you," she said before taking a long painful sigh. "I wasn’t present, but from what I've heard, the last time Queen Chrysalis tried something like this was when she tried to invade Canterlot disguised as a royal member of the family. When she did this, she managed to take over the city for a brief moment and defeat Celestia in battle...she did all this with the love from a single stallion."

At this revelation, Jon got up and began to walk around in circles, using his hands to massage the side of his head.

"Oh dear lord," he said. "Oh no...no, no, no, no, no, no."

"Do you now understand what we're dealing with here?" she asked in a grim tone. "If we allow her to get up there, she'll be unstoppable...if she gains the power from your audience, she'll probably try to take over Canterlot again in round two. And she won’t stop there, she'll probably try to take over all of Equestria...maybe even this world too."

"FUCK!" Jon roared. "Why does she have to come to me though? Didn't you say they already had a good system going for them back home!?"

"Like I said their livelihood depends on how much love they get...that's how they survive." Trixie explained. "I'm no expert, but the way I see it...after her failed attempt to take over the throne, I'm guessing Chrysalis and her subjects are severely weakened and getting desperate."

"If that's her being weak, I fucking well don't what to see what she's like when her batteries are fully charged," Jon said with a frightened look on his face. Taking his hand, he began to rub his neck where she had previously choked him. "Jesus, we can't keep something that dangerous here any longer, we need to get rid of her!"

"What do you suggest we do?" Trixie asked. She already knew what Jon had in mind and was already equipped with her answer.

"Okay so...my original idea was to somehow get a message to Celestia about our problem...but the more I thought about it the more I don't like that idea...according to Chryaslis, she has contacts back at Canterlot Castle...I don't want to risk tipping her off while she's still here and putting my kids in danger...so now I'm thinking that our first priority is getting Queen Chrysalis out of my world and back in Equestria," Jon said. "I figure since she's in a weakened state, now she can't come back since she needed to trick Celestia into getting here in the first place...so why don't you use your magic to teleport her out of here?"

"It's not that simple," Trixie said. "Already there are a lot of flaws in your plan."

"Like what?" Jon asked.

"For starters, as I've said I'm not...that proficient in the type of magic you're talking about." She explained. "Remember when I tried to teleport you to Cloudsdale?"

"How can I forget?" Jon said with a cringing expression. "You nearly killed me."

"Yes well...if you'll recall it took me awhile to stabilize the massive amount of magic necessary to get it done at all." She continued. "It was difficult to conjure that much power let alone control it for very long. What I'm trying to say is if I try to use my magic to force her back home it would take a while and we'd run the risk of her finding out we tried to stop her and rest assured she'd retaliate. If she sees me and thinks for a second that there's a chance we'd stop her she'll won’t think twice about killing me."

"Well then...we'll give you time! I'll just...I don't know...ok how bout we let you prepare you're spell from like across the room or something?" He said. "That way...that way she doesn't see you. I'll just ask her to follow me or something and bam! You got her."

A new wave a hope within Jon made him stand up, and smile at Trixie. She didn't share Jon's new found faith and expressed it by shaking her head which caused him to sit back down.

"Better...but that won't work either; as I've said my magic isn't as powerful as I'd like it to be. For me to cast a successful teleportation spell I need to be close range and preferably for my target to be still." She explained.

"Something tells me she's not going to obligingly stand still for that long for us." He said. "Maybe we could knock her out or try to get her to go to sleep."

"Good idea but I don't think Chrysalis would fall for a trap like that. This is her chance to reclaim her power so she’s going to be on her guard for sure." She said. "Which brings me to my next point...even if I do managed to successfully cast a teleportation spell on her she could just use her magic to negate it before it takes it's full effect. We need to strike when she's at her most vulnerable but at the moment we don't have anything as leverage so we're just fishing with no bait."

In Jon's head he imagined what it would look like if Chrysalis sat in one spot not moving for a period of time. The concept was silly and unrealistic to him at first but in an instant he realized such a scenario wasn't so farfetched.

"Wait...yes we do...we do have a way of making her to that!" Jon said. "What if I told you I could get Chrysalis to sit perfectly still without moving for a decent amount of time. With her guard down and you'd be very close by?"

"If you said that...I'd say you’re crazy." Trixie said.

"N-no hear me out!" He stammered. "What if...you teleport her back to Equestria...while I'm interviewing her."

"Excuse me." Trixie said with a look of shock on her face. "You want me to teleport her during her interview...now I know you’re crazy."

"No, no think about it! Since it's the interview she'll have to stand still...also she won’t expect this during her segment." He continued. "She'll be too busy concentrating on what to say instead of what's going on around her."

"That's...actually not the worst idea I've ever heard of." Trixie admitted. To some degree she liked the idea but there were still some flaws that she felt needed to be pointed out. "There's still a problem though...where would I be? Remember I need to be close by for it to work."

"Simple. You'll be backstage." He suggested with a look of confidence like he found the answer to everything. "She and I will occupy the main stage and you'll be just a few feet away behind the backdrop...that'll work right?"

Once and for all Jon finally thought he had a fool proof plan but like before Trixie didn't seem convinced.

"This is a sound plan to be sure...but if I can't see my target it'll be very difficult for me to pull it off." She said with a guilty look. "Even if they're not that far away I can't teleport someone I can't see...that and the backdrop might be too thick for me to send my magic through."

"But...b-but whenever Celestia sends myself or a pony to here and back she does it form her throne…from another world." He stated.

"...Ok, yes it is possible to a teleportation spell without seeing you're target or being very close...but all depends on capable the pony is." She admitted. "In the case our princess she can do that because she's had a countless years of experience...I on the other hand...well let's just say I'm not at...accomplished as she is."

"So...my idea...not going to work." Jon said with a sour face.

"Doesn't seem like it." Trixie answered.

It was so silent the two could hear a penny drop but instead Jon dropped himself on the cough. He looked to be depressed while simultaneously anxious. Time was running out and he was a back and square one...this made him desperate again.

"Can't you just...I don't know, try to do it anyway?" he asked. "I mean, I mean have you ever tried to teleport someone from another room? Go outside and try on me! I know you can do it"

"Look, I appreciate the thought" Trixie said with an uncomfortable sigh. "But I don't think--"

"Ok, ok but how about this!" He interrupted. "How bout we forget about teleporting her and try something else! Yeah do you know any other spells that can help us? Maybe one that can--"

"Stewart, listen to me," She said in a stern tone. "I know this is very stressful for you but what you're asking for a lot here. I only know so much. At present I only know a small selection of magical abilities off the top of my head...most of which are very basic."

Having been shot down again Jon buried his head into his hands, still as frustrated as ever. He appreciated her willingness to help but never before did he wish that she was more proficient in magic.

"So...I'm guessing you don't have a 'magically fix everything spell' do ya?" Jon asked with a sigh.

"I'm a wandering magician; not the elements of Harmony." She answered. "Right now the only way I see dealing with her is for me to teleport her back home...I just need to think of a way of doing that without getting myself killed...if I had some of my spellbooks that might help."

"Spellbooks?" He asked.

"Yeah back home I had some magic tomes I picked up on my travels...they’re not much but they helped when it came to preparing magic." She explained. "Heck, some of them even had some spells I've yet to try."

"Could any of those alternate spells have been useful to us now?" Jon asked.

"Perhaps but I'm not entirely sure." She answered. "It's no good to think about it now...I left them back in my roaming wagon."

"Yeah along with everything you owned." Jon said. "Dammit...if only there was some way we could—"

Suddenly Jon stopped. Trixie noticed this and looked over at him, only to see that he now had a look on his face like he had just seen a large spider. She'd seen this look before; it was a look of epiphany.

"Oh my god," he said. Were it not for the fact that Jon was under an incredible amount of stress due to his present situation, he would have thought of this earlier. "That's it."

"What's it?" Trixie asked. Without answering, Jon jumped from his seat, yelling as loudly as he could.

"That's it!" he roared. Once again, Jon had another idea, an idea so powerful he almost trampled Trixie as he ran across the room. "I've got it!"

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: A battle plan 2

When Jon ran across the room Trixie practically had to combat roll to the side to avoid getting stepped on. When she pulled herself up, the sight of Jon frantically pulling out volume after volume of literature from his bookshelf greeted her. One by one he'd grab a book, look at it briefly, and then toss it behind him. Some fell on the floor while others landed awkwardly on his desk or chair.

"Stewart, what are you doing!?" She asked. Again Trixie was ducking and dodging, this time to avoid getting hit by a random novel or textbook.

At one point an encyclopedia found its way onto Jon's desk, knocking over his lamp and breaking the bulb.

"Stewart, calm yourself!" Trixie begged. She was concerned that perhaps he'd finally snapped. "What are you looking for!?"

"THIS!" Stewart yelled while holding a book in his hand. Turning around he walked up to her and slammed the large object in front of her like a football player spiking the winning touchdown. "You wanted a spellbook? Well BAM! Here ya go!"

Looking away from Jon's overly pleased face Trixie slowly lowered her gaze to the large leather book in front of her. It was very thick, and by the looks of it very old as well. Bookmarks sprang up from its pages like a crop field and based on how weathered the spine was it had been read multiple times.

Her eyes were now drawn to the front of the ancient looking tome. The image on the front was almost completely worn out but she could just barely make out an image of two Alicorns intersecting one another. Just below that was the title of the book as well as whomever it was that wrote it.

This heavy textbook was called "Advance spells and Enchantments" and according to the inscription toward the bottom it was written by someone named Starswirl the Bearded. Reading this attribution caused Trixie's mouth to hang in disbelief.

"What in the...S-Stewart...where in Celestia's name did you find this!? She asked as she flipped to a random page.

"I borrowed it." He answered with a grin. "From the personal library of Twilight Sparkle. You weren't here at the time but I once took a vacation in Equestria...that's when I found Twilight, and that's when I rented this book from her."

"Oh...this is no ordinary book." She said as she carefully turned page after page. Even the mention of her arch rival couldn’t distract her from this great find. "This is an ancient lexicon of high level magic...only a few ponies in existence will ever get to see something like this."

"Well then if there's a spell out there that can help us out then it's gotta be in here." Jon said. He waited till Trixie shifted through a couple more pages before addressing her again. "So what do you think? Have you found anything useful?"

"Well yes but...some of these spells are indeed useful though quite a bit of them are extremely difficult to use. There are some that would probably give Celestia a run for her money." She said as she went from page to page. "Give me a minute, Stewart. I need to categorize a list of spells that are within my difficulty range. And then from there I need to eliminate those that can't help us and those that require any ingredients...please be patient."

Patience was definitely not something that Jon had at the moment. He looked to his clock and worried if Selina was doing okay back at the office. The show wasn't scheduled to air just yet but it was getting uncomfortably close. Time was of the essence and even though things had taken a turn for the better they still didn't have solid plan yet.

Jon prayed that Trixie would find some kind of spell to make this all right. Maybe an incantation that can neutralize Chrysalis, or maybe something that can shrink her down to size...or at the very least a good recipe for bug spray. But so far she came up with nothing. He was tempted to again ask how it was going but he didn't want to interrupt her.

In practice Trixie would, on average, find at least two or three spells, per page, that would be more than helpful in defeating Queen Chrysalis. The only problem was that, like she predicted, most of them were far beyond her comprehension. Some spells were too advanced for her to even attempt while others took time to prepare and needed ingredients to complete; none of which they had.

Once she had exhausted almost every option for an offensive spell she worked her way to support magic on the off chance they could help

Of the few that Trixie could use, a lot of them were either defensive spells, or non-lethal ones. Useful yes, just not for what they had in mind. She didn't give up hope, though. Again none of them were helpful...that is until she got to a chapter on fortification.

"Eureka!" She shouted. "I think I got it!"

"No kidding!?" Jon said as he dropped to his knees and sat in front of her. "What’d you find? Please tell me it's some kind of pony death beam."

"Uh not quite...I couldn't find any attack spells that were easy enough for me to use." She said with an embarrassed cough. "But I did find...this!"

Turning the book around Trixie showed Jon a picture of a circular around a hexagon with an odd language written around it, as well as interconnecting lines and figures in the center. There was another circle next to it with roughly the same pattern just inverted somewhat. When Jon read its description it said something about magical transferal properties and long range usage.

"I don't understand...what is this thing?" Jon asked.

"This...this is called a ‘Transfer seal"' She answered. "Basically think of it as a...portal."

"You're going to open a portal to Equestria?" He asked.

"No, no, not exactly...here let me explain." She said as she cleared her throat. "See these two hexagons? Well it's like this...they are designed to absorb magic like a sponge...if one circle is infused with a spell then it gets transferred to the other circle."

"Ok, I understand so far." Jon said. "So...how will this help us?"

"Well it’s used for support like if you wanted to do long range magic spell. But see here's the thing...anypony standing on the outgoing circle will be affected by whatever magic goes through it." Trixie answered. Her explanation was enough for Jon to get an idea of what was being hinted at. "Remember your idea of teleporting Chrysalis back home during her interview? Well you’ll see, with this, I think we have a shot."

"Oh I get it!" Jon said. "So you're saying we can have one of these circles under Chrysalis' chair and another one backstage being handled by you."

"Exactly! That way all I'll have to do is transfer a teleportation spell to her side and WHAM! She's gone!" Trixie explained.

"Sounds great!" Jon exclaimed. "You'll do your thing and I'll do mine!"

"Which reminds me...Stewart I'm more than willing to do this for you." she said.

"Uh oh." Jon replied. "I don't like where this is going."

"Just listen to me...I'll do this but remember I'm still a pony...Equestria is still my home-world." She explained much to Jon's confusion. "What I mean is we're basically going to be sending a very dangerous creature someplace in Equestria...I want to make sure, wherever we send her, the ponies there won't get hurt."

"Ok, no problem. We'll send her to wherever the Changelings live." Jon said, getting a shake of the head from Trixie in return.

"Never been there." She answered. "I can't teleport somepony to a place I've never been to."

"Alright then send her to...uh...OH, I got it!" He exclaimed. "Send her to Canterlot Castle! That way Celestia will be able to restrain her! It's perfect! You'll send her right to the Princess, and with all threats gone from my world, I'll call her and warn her about what's going on...please tell me you can do this."

"Well, yes and no...I mean it's possible but, like with the Changeling's home, I've never been to Canterlot Castle either." Trixie said. Again their plan hit a snag but this time it was Trixie who had a solution. "But...you have."

"What are you saying?" Jon asked.

"I'm saying that, once I infuse the hexagon with a teleportation spell, it's going to need a destination point." She explained. "And that's where you come in...all you'll need to do is think of the princess' throne room, at some point during the spell's development, and I'll make it so the seal will automatically set that as the desired destination."

"So you're saying...I'll have to be in this transfer seal as well?" He asked.

"Yes but only long enough to set the waypoint." She answered. "After that you'll need to exit its radius so only Chrysalis will be affected."

"Then from there, she's out of our lives." Jon added. "We pull this off and she'll have a one way ticket to a royal beating. I love it!"

Getting up from the floor, Jon made preparations to leave. They only had a couple hours till show time and Jon wanted to hurry up. Trixie on the other hand had one last important point to go over with Jon.

"Stewart...before we head out we have one last issue to cover." She said.

"Oh what now. Please don't tell me there's still more bugs in our plan?" He said. "I know we're not working with very much but don't tell you still can’t do this."

"No I'm not. The plan...though risky, should work. In fact I'm certain it will, if we all play our parts right." She said assuredly. "The only problem is all of this will mean nothing if she gains any power from the audience."

As much as Jon was getting annoyed by Trixie’s constant second guessing he had to admit that she brought up a good point. Up until now they'd forgotten about the fact that while she's on stage she'll be subject to a serious amount of love.

"For me to pull this spell off I'll need some time...time in which she'll be growing in power." She continued. "And in that case we wouldn't really be accomplishing much...if anything we'd probably help in speeding up her invasion plan."

"Ok well, what if...what if I turn off the video feed so we aren't live?" Jon submitted. "Or if that doesn't work why don't I just make myself more interesting to draw attention away from her."

"I don't think that'd work. If you made it so her interview wasn't broadcasting she'd find out once she realized there was no love coming in." She said. "As for making yourself more interesting...no offense but if it’s between you and a talking pony I think she'll have you beat in terms of popularity."

Her explanation, though sensible and technically correct, was still a major blow to his ego.

"Ugh...you're right.” Jon said. “If I had to decide between an old fart and a talking animal I don’t think I’d choose any differently.

“This is a very complicated issue.” Trixie said. “Redirecting love isn’t an exact science.”

“No kidding…If only there was some way to make all the attention that would normally go to her fall onto...something...else." Jon said out loud while a thought was materializing in his head. Trixie saw this and asked if he was alright. But she got no response right away. Though in time a smile slowly crept onto Jon's face. "Trixie...this spell of yours...how long will it take?

"Oh uh...now that I think about it...how long does an interview usually go for?" She asked.

"An entire episode, including commercials, is a half hour with an interview taking up about five to seven minutes." He answered. His estimate frightened Trixie at first. On her best day it would probably take twice that long. But due to what was at risk Trixie threw away all doubts from her mind and spoke with confidence she never knew she had.

"Give me three minutes into the interview segment and I'll have it done." She said. "I'll prepare the spell for the first two thirds of the show and see if I can't get it done sooner...the real trick will be stabilizing enough magic to actually get it to work."

"Good." Jon cooed as he picked up his phone. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

"Who are you calling?" Trixie asked.

"A good friend of mine." He answered. "Someone with the ability to help us."

"W-wait a minute you're not trying to call Celestia are you!?" She urged. "Chrysalis will know, remember?"

"I'm not calling her." He said as he waited for his friend to pick up. "I'm calling someone much more powerful than Celestia...someone who has the ability to absorb love and attention even more than Chrysalis can."

This new and sudden declaration surprised Trixie to no end.

"You...you know a creature was such power?" She ventured.

"Of course I do." He said. "We go back a long ways." After a moment of continuous ringing a voice came from Jon's phone. It was one that Trixie did not recognize.

"Hello, Jon?" The voice said. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for your show?"

"Hey, uh yeah I know but listen something has come up." Jon said back to the voice. "I know this is last minute but...I need your help."

For the next couple minutes Jon and the person on the phone exchanged words with one another. Both of them threw out names and phrases that Trixie did not understand but as time went on she understood what was going on. A few swapping of ideas later and the two finally came to an agreement.

"Alright so we understand each other?...Good! When I give the signal that's when you come out." Jon reiterated to the person on the phone. "Alright I'll see you there. Oh and one last thing...I know I don't need to tell you this but...bring your 'A' game."

With a click of a button Jon put his phone away and faced Trixie.

"So...what do you think?" Jon said. "Will this work?"

"Honestly...I think it will." Trixie said. "It's dangerous...but I know we can do it."

"Good...but Trixie...on the off chance that this doesn't work..." Jon said with a deep sigh. "If this doesn't work I'll try to hold Chrysalis back as long as possible...if that happens I want you to get Tracey and the kids and--"

"No." She said. "Don't. Don't talk like that...this will work. I'll make it work or die trying."

"And I appreciate that...but...but if it doesn't I want you to take my family and hide." Jon said pausing to crouch down in front of her. "Also...just in case I don't see you again...I'm really glad I had the honor of knowing the Great and Powerful Trixie." Without asking he stretched his arms forward and wrapped them around Trixie in a powerful hug. Although she tried not to, the worst case scenario did creep up in her mind, causing her to hug Jon back.

"Don't...don't be stupid." Trixie said holding back tears. "We're going to win...dammit we are going to win!"

The two of them stayed in a loving embrace till the sound of a car pulling up to the driveway got their attention.

"That must me my mom." Jon said signaling that it was time to leave. "Alright Trixie...you ready?"

Using her magic she levitated the book of magic spells to her side and conjured up her cape and hat to appear neatly in their correct locations.

"Yeah." She said. "I'm ready."

Following Jon, the two ran downstairs where the kids were already greeting their grandmother. Jon briefly explained to her that she needed to watch the kids while he and Trixie went to the office to take care of business. Neither of them revealed what was really going on though Jon's mother had her suspicions when Jon took an extra minute to say goodbye to his kids.

As to be expected, the kids didn’t like that Trixie was leaving them for the time being, but she assured them that she’d be back before they knew it. From there, Jon borrowed his mom's car and, with Trixie sitting in the back, set off back to work with what little time they had left.

By the time the two actually arrived at Daily Show headquarters, it was uncomfortably close for Jon to go on air. Before they left the house Jon called Selina and, at his request, she kept Chrysalis busy and most importantly away from the stage.

The time leading up to the actual show was spent reformatting the stage to appropriately handle having a pony guest on the show; or at least that's what was told to anyone who wanted to enter early.

Even before the audience members were allowed in, Jon's staff and some interns were busy on set with painting the hexagon from Twilight's spell book onto the floor. Trixie assured everyone that as long as the transfer seal was close enough to the subjects they would be affected. So to that end the entire set, on which Jon's desk was bolted to, was turned upside down and the symbol was painted underneath it.

A few of the more artistic interns did the same behind the backdrop. They painstakingly drew the same hexagon as was displayed in the book right down to every design and symbol. It was now almost time for the show to begin and, in preparation for this, everyone parted ways with Jon waiting just outside the entrance to the stage and Trixie behind the backdrop. By this time, the crowd had already swarmed in and taken their seats, each ready for the show to officially begin.

But perhaps the most anxious was Queen Chrysalis who was still in her Lyra form. To pass the time she was in the waiting room where she watched the TV in the corner and counted the minutes till her segment was up. Selina however was not with her but instead backstage delegating some last minute issues.

The plan had already been explained to her but she was still iffy on some details so for her own sake she decided to sneak behind the backdrop and consult with Jon's pony friend to help her understand. The space behind the backdrop of the show was narrow and dark with many loose floorboards and low hanging wires. Eventually she came to the spot that would be located directly behind Jon's desk and there, standing on all fours complete with a cape and magician’s hat, was Trixie.

She had the spell book spread out in front of her and directly on top of a circle that matched the one under Jon's feet. Her eyes were closed and she was taking look deep breaths, inhaling through her nose and exhaling out of her mouth. She was so focused she could even hear Selina coming over the sound of the audience making noise.

"Do you need something, Selina?" Trixie asked.

"Yes actually." She answered. "I'm still a bit confused about this plan."

"You needn't worry." Trixie said. "Stewart and I have it under control."

"Yes, well...it'd help ease my nerves if you'd run me through it once more." Selina retorted. It was understandable for someone like her to want some closure, so to help Trixie turned to the human assistant and gave her a look of empathy.

"Very well...here's the plan. This circle here in front of me will magically connect to the one under Jon's desk." Trixie began. "Once I properly activate it both will act as two halves of the same entity. When that happens, any spell infused in one will eventually be infused with the other. Anypony on top of, or directly interacting with, either circle will be affected by whatever spell is set within it."

Nodding her head Selina listened, occasionally writing down a note or two in her clipboard.

"Once I set a teleportation spell in here it will need a destination and that's where Jon comes in." Trixie continued. "All he'll have to do is visualize Princess Celestia's throne room and that spell will accept that as its destination since he'll be in the circle as well. From there all I'll need to do is stabilize enough magic in my horn and transfer said magic into the hexagons...it may take a little while for that much magic to calibrate itself into the two circles but once it does, it'll activate, fully sending Chrysalis back home."

"Forgive me for asking but do you really need the entire episode to pull off this spell?" Selina asked trying to sound respectful. "Seems like an awful amount of time."

Although it sounded mean Selina was right. Any other competent Unicorn with experience could probably have the spell activated much sooner. For someone like Celestia or Twilight activating the circle, infusing it with a spell then jump starting it with magic would take only a few minutes individually.

"It seems like a long time but that's mainly because...I'll be honest I'm not as proficient in magic as I'd like to be." Trixie admitted. "But the reason why this'll take a while is because I'm combining two spells together at once...in Unicorn terms it's called ‘binary casting’ which eats up magic at a much higher rate...so I need to pace myself here, less I pass out."

To signal that she was finished explaining herself, Trixie went back to her meditation. Though Selina was not yet done with her.

"One last thing," she said. "You said anyone in the circle or in direct contact with it will be affected by its magic."

"I did say that." Trixie said, her eyes still closed.

"But then won't that mean both you and Jon will be get sent away with that...that thing?" Selina asked.

"No...the hexagon on Stewart's side is mostly surrounding Chrysalis' spot...all Jon has to do is scoot back slightly in his chair and he'll be outside it's grasp." Trixie answered. "As for me, I'm going to stabilize a large amount of magic and then I'll put in the circle instead of sending a constant stream within it...by the time it registers my magic and fully activates, me and Stewart won't even be close to it...any more questions?"

Shaking her head, Selina turned on her expensive heals and made her way back to the to the entrance of the main stage, leaving behind only a bottle of water in case Trixie got thirsty. A few interns and stagehands were gathered just outside the main stage. Upfront was Jon getting ready for his cue to go on stage, take his desk, and begin the episode. She cut through the employees and walked up ride beside him.

"Jon, this is insane." She said bluntly.

"No, insane is when we invited Ralph Nader on show back in '08’" Jon said. "Talk about boring...the man constantly looks like his dog just died."

A couple of the interns behind him chuckled which caused Selina to look at them with glaring eyes. They quickly stopped after a stifled cough and, right away, she was back to talking with her boss.

"How...can you be so blasé about this?" She asked. "Jon...you could get seriously hurt out there. I talked with Trixie and for god's sake this plan of yours...what if it fails."

"It won't. I won't let it." Jon said. "And as for why I'm acting the way I am, well...it's almost show time."

His answer did very little to impress Selina or put her at ease. She responded by giving him an odd look.

"What?" Jon asked. "Someone around here needs to take charge...plus I need to set a good example for everyone in the office."

"Jon...I appreciate you're wanted to keep moral high, but I think you might be over your head here." She said. "I don't wish to nag but...but all this about magic and spells and incantations, I mean...is there no other option here...these creatures are dangerous and we know so little about them."

"You know what Selina?" Jon said as he counted the seconds till he had to go on stage. "You're right...I don't know much about magic or how it works. And yes Chrysalis may have an advantage over me in terms of power but at the same time...just look at where we are?"

Making a sweeping motion with her hands, he presented her with a view of the stage, his desk, and the audience while the humming of the cameras and machinery turning on filled their ears.

"She may have her magic." Jon said as he slowly made his way on stage. "But she's in my world now."

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Three minutes

It was hard for Selina to adequately express how she felt about her boss at the moment. His family had been threatened by some other worldly monster and his only plan to get them out rested in the hooves of a Unicorn who, from what she understood, barely knew any magic.

She was impressed and yet, at the same time, somewhat abhorred by the fact that he could walk on stage with a smile on his face like nothing was wrong. Had it been her in this situation she would have found herself spiraling into the realms of madness.

For someone who claimed to be terrible at gambling, Jon had one hell of a poker face that night. To everyone watching, including his staff members, he looked as eager now as he did when he first took over the show from Craig Kilborn all those years ago. He may have had everyone fooled into thinking he was alright but deep down he was a whirlwind of emotions. Scared, angry, hopeful, anxious, he was all of these things and more. To him if even the slightest thing went wrong everything would fall apart, so he knew he had to keep a straight face throughout the show, lest Chrysalis were to suspect something.

His years of training made it so he would do just that as he walked across the stage and waved to the occasional audience members. The cameras were on but not filming so anything done now didn't get broadcasted, which Jon liked because it meant he could have some brief quality time with the live audience on the set before starting the show.

The walk to his desk seemed longer today than it usually did and at least once or twice Jon caught himself looking at the area of the backdrop where Trixie would most likely be. Everyone present could see that Jon looked to be fine, all but Trixie of course since she was out of sight. He trusted her with his life but the fact that he couldn't see her meant he was going in blind. For all he knew, she could have gotten scared and ran off by now, but even though he couldn't see her, he knew she was there, just as ready as he was.

He waved one last time and took his seat, ready to begin. He started to address the audience by thanking them for their patience...but they heard nothing. He did speak but his voice didn't carry over, possibly due to some audio malfunction. Such a thing may seem very inconsequential since the show hadn't even started yet, but that's not how Jon felt.

With heavy breathing and eyes which looked like they were watching a high pace tennis match Jon tried to ascertain what went wrong. He shifted in his seat and wondered what was happening and if this was only the beginning of many blunders to come.

Before he could go into a frenzy, he felt someone gently grab his shoulder and when he looked over to see who it was, he saw Selina standing behind him. Reaching over he grabbed his microphone piece which had fallen to the ground. She leaned forward and, like a fussy mother getting her kids ready for school, she attached it back onto his lapel.

Before leaving she gave him a wink and a pat on the shoulder which not only caused the audience to laugh but also gave Jon a little boost of confidence. Again, his mouth opened and he began to address the audience, taking individual questions and answering them the best he could. This went on till a stagehand gave both him and the audience the signal to stop talking. They did so and as a result lights began to turn on and the little red light which indicated what camera was broadcasting began to shine bright. The show had officially begun.

The audience waited with anticipation as the show's announcer spoke overhead. In just a few seconds they would be allowed to speak again.

"From Comedy Central Headquarters in New York," the announcer said. "This is the Daily Show with Jon Stewart!” As opening tittle theme, Bob Mould’s "Dog On Fire,” began to play, a camera made a sweep from a downward angle while the audience cheered with all their might. Eventually the camera closest to Jon zoomed in on him.

Jon took one last final deep breath as did Trixie who was now pointing her horn at the hexagon.

"Hello everyone welcome to the Daily Show! My name is Jon Stewart, oh BOY do we have a show for you tonight!" He said over the audience. "Uh, our guest tonight...the newest edition to our ongoing 'Equestrian Interviews,' Lyra Heartstrings will be on the show with us tonight!"

Most if not all of the audiences present were under the impression that tonight's episode was a normal one so for them to have lucked out like this meant that their cheering came back bigger and louder than ever. Jon however had other plans in mind.

"Fun fact about Lyra...It's actually a small constellation out of 48 listed by the 2nd century astronomer...Ptolemy...and uh, and is one of the 88 constellations recognized by the International Astronomical Union...It's, it's almost as if we just looked at that up on Wikipedia right before the show" Jon said getting a quick laugh in return. "Aaah yeah so, she'll be on the show later tonight, but right now I want to talk about gun control. For the past several days now..."

From there on out the rest of the show went remarkably well. Like before no one but a select few knew that Jon was actually setting up an elaborate trap; to those watching at home, nothing seemed wrong.

Jon wasn't the only one who was working it onstage. A few feet behind him behind a thick backdrop Trixie had already began the process in getting the magical transferring hexagon operational. She did so in increments throughout the show in conjunction with each of Jon's segments.

The first part of the show was spent by Jon talking about gun control and how the issue needs to be discussed while at the same Trixie used her magic to activate the hexagon. She used her magic to turn it from a just drawing done by the interns into a working entity.

This spell, though not considered to be too particularly advanced, took Trixie most of the first segment of the show to activate. By the time Jon told the audience that he would be right back from the first commercial she had barely just finished getting it up and ready.

The second segment of the show involved Jon talking about the United States’ debt crisis and how the government still hadn't properly dealt with it. Again while this was happening, Trixie wasted no time in getting the ready with the second phase of her spell. She worked while Jon made fun of politicians she had never heard of by using terminologies and insults she didn't understand.

For Trixie, this next step was a lot easier than the last. All she had to do was infuse within the circles a spell that hadn't been charged with magic. Which was like moving a large briefcase without any content. Even though it was easier than expected, this was two spells being combines together, which meant that it still took Trixie a little while before she complete it.

To her surprise, she actually managed to conjure the trap sooner than expected, which meant that the circle was now activated and was infused with her desired spell. The time between her momentary completion and the third and final segment was spent by Trixie having a quick breather and doing her best to not tire out early. She was tired but she still had a little more ways to go.

Meanwhile back on stage Jon was getting ready for the most important and most anticipated portion of the show. The last break of the evening was almost over and he was still sitting in his seat getting ready to the introduction of his guest. Sometimes during breaks, he liked to stand up and stretch but in this case he was sure if he tried to stand up his legs would give out.

He tried not to turn around and look towards the backdrop because he knew that behind that wall, Trixie was hard at work. So instead, he turned to his other side at where that same backdrop ended at a wall and hoped to god that everything was set up properly.

He was understandably nervous since the only thing going through his head was that of his family waiting for him back home. Once or twice, a worst case scenario tried to invade his mind again, but he quickly pushed it aside. He needed to have a clear mind right now more than ever.

To do this he sat back in his seat and rubbed his head. He needed to calm himself down so he began to imagine Celestia's throne room where all of this started all those months ago. He thought about how it felt to have the cold ground beneath his feet. He remembered how different their world smelled and how the air tasted strangely different yet similar. He could perfectly see in his mind her magnificent stained glass windows and tasteful decorations.

Jon regretted that he was going to send such a foul creature within such beautiful walls, but if anyone could stop her, it was Princess Celestia. Thinking about Canterlot castle made Jon smile. It was after all the place where he first met Celestia, sparking a chain of events that led him to discover the wonderful world known as Equestria.

Since then, he'd experienced new things he thought weren’t possible and met new friends, one of whom was right behind him. It was a pleasant thought which did not go unnoticed. Backstage, Trixie was focusing on her breathing to keep herself calm when the circle began to glow in power. Trixie knew what this meant...it now had its destination.

Like a kid finding out they’re late for school she quickly jumped from her seat and ran up to the circle on the floor, staring at it for a few seconds to be sure it was indeed ready. At the time the circle was active with a teleportation spell properly infused, but without enough magic for it to fully function it was nothing more than a gun without ammo. Knowing this she tilted her head back and began to concentrate on circulating what magic she had left to the tip of her horn. She needed a massive amount of magic for the spell to actually activate so from here she ignored all sounds and just tried to stabilize as much of her power as she could.

Everything was now riding on Jon and Trixie to fulfill their ends of the plan. If Trixie was telling the truth, the spell to get rid of Chrysalis would be activated in no less than three minutes into the interview which was more than enough for Jon to handle the Changeling Queen.

Jon knew that, at this point, the spell underneath him now had its destination leaving any further input on his end unnecessary. He was still deep in thought but he had now moved on to thinking about the people he loved. Both back at home and here in the studio. He vowed that he would see them again no matter what. He vowed he would win.

The sound of the last commercial break ending shattered Jon's reflective state of mind. All the pieces were now in play. Jon was sitting at the helm of the stage, Trixie was ready backstage, and Jon's support was nearby. All that was left was for the last piece of the puzzle. Chrysalis herself.

The crowd cheered at the sight of the Daily Show logo appearing. It meant that now the main event was about to start. They cheered and yelled wildly while the camera zoomed in on Jon slapping his desk like they were bongos. He looked like he was trying to dance while at the same time making pretend he was playing an instrument. He didn't speak right away which made the crowd to slowly calm down.

"Hey everyone welcome back my guest tonight!" He said as he twirled his pen. "She is a Unicorn resident of Ponyville and a proclaimed researcher of humans. Please welcome to the show, Lyra Heartstrings."

Like he would for any other guest Jon got up from his seat to eventually greet his guest though in this instance he only did so to now draw suspicion. No sooner did he make his introduction did Chrysalis make her way onto the stage where she was immediately greeted by cheers and yelling. Jon applauded too, but deep down, he felt nothing but contempt.

Jon watched as Chrysalis disguised as Lyra slowly made her way to the desk. She looked exactly like Lyra in every way shape and form but Jon could tell who she really was. Jon hated everything about her at that moment. The way she walked, the way she smiled, even the way she waved at the audience, all of it just fueled Jon's desire to walk up to her and punch her right in the face.

She walked almost coquettishly in nature and she had a look on her face like she was really happy to be present. Normally this would indicate to Jon that he picked a good person to interview, but all he wanted was to get her out of his life as soon as possible.

Eventually she did make it to Jon's desk and, with an evil grin, offered her hoof for him to shake. It was almost too much for Jon to bare. All his anger for her was curled up inside him like a rattlesnake poised to attack, but for the sake of the plan, he swallowed his pride and shook her hoof.

The hand to hoof shake lasted longer than usual with each party staring down the other. Jon gave him an overly firm grip to show that he didn't like her. Chrysalis did a similar action by using her magic to very delicately put pressure on his neck as if to say: "If I wanted to, I could."

Without saying anything, Jon went back to his desk. He was about to sit down when his guest called out to him.

"Aren't you going to offer me a seat?" She said.

It was loud on the set but Jon heard her request quite clearly. He took a deep breath and clenched his fist so tight his nails digged into his skin. It took all the restraint he had to not turn around and attack her though he greatly wanted to.

"Of course." He said with smile which neatly masked his anger. He offered her a seat which she gladly took. The crowd was just about done with their cheering when Jon sat down and faced to his opponent.

"I can do this." Jon thought with his hands folded in front him like he was praying. "...I can do this."

He took one last deep breath and with it he remembered everything that was at stake. His family, his friends, the fate of both his world and Equestria’s.

He then exhaled, expelling the same breath and any sense of doubt along with it. He was ready.

"Hello Lyra and welcome to the show!" Jon said with a smile. "Thanks for joining us here tonight."

"I'm just glad I could make it." She said back with a smile that matched his own. "I've always wanted to visit the human world...I'm also a big fan of the show so I'm really happy I could attend."

"You're not the only one." He said. "The audience didn't-- we didn’t advertise that tonight's interview would be an Equestrian...so yeah, as you might've guessed, they're pretty happy too."

Jon was right but never before did he wish he hadn't been. Yes the audience was elated to see Chrysalis which of course meant that her plan to absorb their love was going as scheduled.

According to Trixie, the process by which a Changeling consumes someone's love is slow moving at first, but as time goes on it gets stronger and faster. From what he understood, a Changeling's body takes in love hesitantly at first in order to determine what kind of love it is, but like a glutton, the host will want more and more and the longer the exposure, the more they take.

At this point even though Chrysalis wasn't getting that much power right away she immediately started to feel better since they was getting a tiny amount of magic from so many locations. Jon could stand to stall for time but if he didn't do something to transfer that love somewhere else soon then by the end of the show she would be hundreds of times more powerful than she'd ever been.

"So Lyra...it's really good to see you again after all this time." He said. "What most people don't realize is that...before--prior to some of these...t-these Equestrian Interviews I actually go...and meet up with the pony I want to invite on the show. In some cases I meet some other pony in the process...and of course that's how we met...remember that day?"

For the audience and those watching at home this was an interesting tidbit followed by an innocent question, but in actuality it was Jon giving Chrysalis a pop quiz. If she wanted to look like Lyra, talk like Lyra, and indeed think like Lyra, then she would get questions that only Lyra would know. Jon was somewhat scared that his line of questioning might enrage her since this was basically him trying to get her to break character.

Rather than being annoyed with Jon's underhanded scheme she smiled at him and answered as if she knew that he was going to ask that.

"Oh well yeah sure I do! If I recall you were walking in the streets...aaand I tackled you!" She answered, accepting Jon's challenge. "I think I apologized for that but if I didn't...yeah my bad."

"You made me-- I almost choked to death because of you! Then you nearly broke my spine." Jon said, purposely leaving out the details.

"Hey now, you make it sound like I attacked you! If you'll recall you were choking on your food and I rescued you...also, folks at home don't believe him, I didn't break his back...what happened was I accidentally made him throw out his back...but I fixed that too." She said. The crowd laughed at Jon's misfortune while she gave the host a smile. Rather than Jon annoying Chrysalis about her lack of knowledge, the exact opposite happened. Her proficient knowledge of Lyra was getting on Jon's nerves. "Anyways again I am sorry that we got off on the wrong hoof...I was just really excited to finally meet you!"

"Why?" Jon asked. The way he said it so bluntly made the audience laugh, something which Chrysalis didn't like. It may have been his show but to her she was main attraction, not him.

"Well I'm just really interested in human mythology." She answered. "In fact I--"

"Mythology?" Jon interrupted. "...I'm right here!" Again the audience laughed at Jon's brand of humor forcing Chrysalis to wait for them to quiet down before speaking again. Before she could explain herself though Jon sprung in to take control of the interview once again.

"Now like I said before a lot of people watching are surprised to uh...uh to, to, see you here." Jon continued. "Since of course you weren't originally scheduled to come on and I had to call to get you on the show last minute...but what I'm surprised to see...or uh rather uh, not see...is your companion...the mare I saw with you when we first met Ms...uh what was her name again?"

Like before, Jon's questions were actually him covertly trying to get Chrysalis to fumble with her performance on live television and, like before, Chrysalis was well prepared.

"Oh you must be thinking of my girlfriend...Bon Bon." She answered having clearly done her homework. "Yes I do realize we're usually always spotted together and well…what I can I say? We very much love each other’s company. As for why she's not here...I asked if she wanted to come with me but she declined...she said she was too busy but really she's just camera shy. That’s why, when Celestia asked, I told her I’d be coming alone. "

Not only did she correctly answer Jon's question but she managed to accurately hold her own without faltering. At first, Jon thought his little stunt was risky, but he soon found that Chrysalis had somehow researched her part beforehand.

The reason for this was she actually had her Changeling subjects spy on Lyra for just this reason. She thought she would make the perfect patsy. At this rate, Jon wasn't getting anywhere and already a full minute had passed. If he wanted to get rid of her now was the time. No amount of preparation could prepare her for what was about to happen.

Even with Jon not liking to have to put his friends in harm’s way never did he hesitate to call on the help of those he's trusted most. The first friend he asked was of course Trixie who was still in the back trying to accumulate as much magic as possible. She was helpful but by no means the only person who agreed to assist Jon. In fact there was another, someone who at that very moment was waiting for his signal to enter.

"We can-- Maybe in the future we can maybe get her to come on the show time." Jon said as he scratched the back of his ear. "I mean it would be nice to talk to her about--"

"JON STEWART!"

Without warning the sound of someone yelling out Jon's name ripped through the set. Whoever said it, did so through a voice amplification device so it was impossible to pinpoint where exactly it came from but it was loud enough that everyone heard it. Numerous wandering eyes looked in all direction to see who it was; even Trixie who was still focusing on stabilizing her magic got distracted for a second.

"What!?" Jon said in overly dramatic fashion. "Who said that!?"

"It was me Jon!" The voice boomed. From behind him a panel opened from the side of the stage revealing a hidden door. It slid open and out from its dark enclosure a lone figure stepped out. Jon still had his back to the person so he technically couldn't see him but he knew who he was...and so did everyone watching the show.

Within a second of his arrival, everyone present in the audience identified the figure and, with faces like they'd just seen Jesus' second coming, stood up to cheer and shout. In preparation for this Selina, as well as the older staff members, covered their ears, leaving the newer interns to learn firsthand just how loud an audience can get.

Their shouting was so boisterous everyone working backstage and in the building's main office could hear them. Trixie tried to ignore them but she soon found it impossible. She couldn't see what was going on but even she knew who it was. There was only one person who was left in the dark.

Looking back on this, there were two things that Queen Chrysalis wished she had known that, at the time, she did not. The first being who exactly was this human that had arrived without warning. And two: why, upon his arrival, did the flow of love that she had previously been accumulating had suddenly stopped. Not slowed down, or momentary stopped...but had been completely cut off from circulation. The reason for this was because it was now being redirected to a new source.

Had she done more research, she would have known the human who had emerged from backstage was more than just some stranger complete with a dark black suit and perfectly parted hair. But was in fact one of Jon's oldest friends, and former correspondent...the one, the only, Stephen Colbert.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Three's a crowd

Comedy Central had learned long ago that, individually, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert were great at what they did. This is why they got their own shows; the Daily Show and the Colbert Report respectively. Another thing they learned was, when the two got together, they were a lethal combination; a true force to be reckoned with.

They placed them together for special events and (before the days of the Equestrian Interviews) would have one visit the other on the show whenever ratings were down. Back then, the most popular episodes were the ones that had them together in the same room. One famous example of their explosive chemistry was when Jon decided to have his “Rally to restore Sanity” and later the decision was made to have Stephen have his own event called the “Rally to keep fear alive,” then combine them together.

Having them work together was the studio’s ace in the hole. A last resort if all else failed...this was also one of those times.

"Oh my God!" Jon said still in his overly dramatic voice and facing the camera. "Stephen Colbert, what are you doing here and why do you have...a giant mustache?"

"Yes. What...am...I doing here?" Stephen said as he twirled his comically over sized mustache and raised an eyebrow ever so slightly.

"Oh well I uh...I'm, I'm actually not entirely--"Jon stammered before cutting himself off. "Actually I'm more concerned with the evil mustache you seem to--"

"I'll tell you what I'm doing here!" He interrupted. "I'm here to take what's mine."

Everything about this man just perplexed Chrysalis. Who he was, why he was here, and most of all why his appearance seemed to have garnished more attention than her own. She hadn't yet put two and two together that Stephen’s being here had caused the flow of love to stop. For her, the notion that some mere human was yielding more attention than her was impossible.

Her confusion would have been very noticeable on TV were it not for the fact that every camera was now either on Stephen or in an angle where only he could be seen behind Jon. Only a very select few cameramen had any prior knowledge of his appearance but everyone present had worked in the entertainment industry long enough to know what, when Stephen Colbert walks into a room, all eyes are on him.

"Stephen, what are you talking about?" Jon asked with his back still to his friend.

"Yes. What...am...I talking about?" He responded.

"Right?" Jon said in confusion. "Also, why are you talking like tha--"

"I'll tell you what I'm talking about!" He interrupted again. "You have something...that I want!" After he was done talking he paused for dramatic effect, which gave the guest of the night an opening.

"Excuse me?" Chrysalis called out from off screen. "What's going on here?"

"I assure you I...I have no idea what you're talking about." Jon said, ignoring his guest.

"Oh I think you do." Stephen said. "I think...you...do."

"Stephen!" Jon said. "I'm telling you I don't know what you're--"

"I am not Stephen Colbert!" Stephen Colbert said.

"Then...uh, who are you?" Jon asked.

"Yes. Who...am...I?" He responded.

"Okay that's...seriously, you need to stop doing that!" Jon demanded.

"If you must know I am his evil twin brother...Stefan Kelbert!" He answered. "And for too long now have you pranced about with these...creatures!" Pointing ahead of him a camera panned out to get the two of them and Chrysalis.

"Ah yes that's better." She said. "Now then about my--"

"What's your point...Ste...Stefan?" Jon asked.

"My point is...you sicken me!" He said bluntly. "Trying to compete with my brother and his show is one thing but when you take away ratings that could otherwise go to him...that shit's personal!"

"I'm still not entirely sure why you're here." Jon said, looking worried.

"I'm here because I want in on this!" He said. "You will give the secrets to these ponies to my handsome brother and he will use them on his show!"

"I'm sorry...Mr. Kelbert but I just can't give my ponies to a man I've apparently never met before." He explained

At this point Chrysalis was understandably worried about the fact that she wasn't getting any power. Her better judgment was clouded by everything that was going on. Lacking any knowledge of who this man was and his relationship to Jon she was left feeling extremely confused. To her it almost looked as if these two men were fighting over her. Like a child she called out for attention but all eyes were still on Stephen.

"Well if you can't give them to me...then perhaps you'll give them to someone else!" Stephen said.

"Someone else?" Jon asked. "Like who, mysterious stranger."

"Someone...like ME!" He roared as he tore of his mustache off. The camera that was closest to him zoomed in on his face causing the audience to once again cheer and applaud.

"Oh my god...again!" Jon said. "Stefan Kelbert was Stephen Colbert the entire time!"

"That's Reverend Sir Doctor Sen. Stephen T. Mos Def Colbert, D.F.A, Heavyweight Champion of the World to you, Jon!" Stephen said with a crazed look in his eye and without faltering, causing the audience to cheer. "And I'm still here to take what I deserve! Come on Jon...give me your ponies...you know you want to!"

"Stephen, I'm sorry, but I’m going to have to say ‘no.’" Jon said. "You can't just barge in here unannounced and take whatever you want."

"Yes I can!" He answered back. "Because I'm an American!"

While the crowd cheered for Stephen's love of all things baseball and apple pie, Chrysalis was trying to get their attention.

"Hey, what's going on here?" She asked. When no one paid any attention to her, she began to get frustrated. "Hey cameraman! Am I even in the shot?" No one answered any of her questions.

"Why do you even want to interview these things anyway?" Stephen asked. "For god’s sake, they're just a bunch of little ponies!"

"They’re not just a bunch of little ponies...they're my little ponies!" Jon exclaimed causing the audience to cheer with excitement. "And my answer is still the same...you can't have them."

"I see...well in that case...I'm afraid I, Stephen Colbert...will have to take them from you by force." He said.

"Oh well you put it that way," Jon said, as he slowly slid his hand under his desk. "Then I guess...we'll...just...have to...FIGHT!"

With a graceful leap, one would expect from a man Jon's age, he quickly turned around and faced Stephen with a toy replica of a lightsaber. He slightly fumbled getting it to work but eventually he managed to fully extend the toy sword whereupon he walked backwards to round his desk while the crowd cheered him on and took photos.

Not to be outdone by his slightly older mentor, Stephen adjusted his glasses, took a heroic stance, and violently trusted his left arm outward with his fingers outstretched like he was summoning something.

When nothing happened for a few seconds a hefty intern jogged up behind him brandishing what looked like a giant hammer. When he got closer to Stephen the camera zoomed out more to get a good view of both of them revealing that the intern had a replica of Mjölnir, Thor's hammer.

He placed the weapon in Stephen's hand but he refused to grasp it, forcing the intern to manually close his fingers for him. He was now holding the Scandinavian weapon in his hand, but he still refused to move from his battle stance. That is until the intern produced a barber's brush and wiped away any debris from Stephen's shoulders.

After giving the intern a three dollar tip for his services, Stephen calmly walked down from his corner of the set and took his position directly across from Jon with only the Daily Show desk separating them.

The camera was positioned to show the two TV legends glaring at each other with Chrysalis still in her seat, looking very much confused and trying to make sense of what was going on. But at the same time there was also something going on behind the scenes. An important fourth party had just finished taking care of her own agenda.

Unbeknownst to the three on stage, Trixie had just gathered the necessary amount of magic needed to activate her trap. Carefully but quickly she placed the large amount of energy onto her side of the transfer circle. She had left herself only a small amount of magic, because giving away too much would cause her to faint like an individual who had donated too much of their own blood.

The hexagon was now transferring the magic over to the one under the stage like a cellphone being charged. All that was needed was for Jon and Stephen to distract everyone for the next couple of minutes while the spell slowly took effect, which they were now in the process of doing.

Like children in a playground the two friends began to slap fight each other with their memorabilia items on stage for the world to see, acting in forced antipathy. Jon held his lightsaber with both hands and swung wildly like Jackson Pollock on a caffeine drip while Stephen just looked like he was playing a particularly aggressive game of 'Whack-a-mole.'

The fight went on with no one getting the upper hand; the plan wasn't to have a brilliantly choreographed fight scene or to show any indication of skill. Their main goal was to look as foolish and uncoordinated as humanly possible and they did so most adequately.

The sight of two grown men fighting with toys was enough to send the crowd into an uncontrollable state of frantic cheering. And as before even though Chrysalis was in plain view, no love was coming her way, but instead to the two comedians, with a large percentage of it going to Stephen himself.

While this was happening, the circle of magic which was underneath the set was growing in power. At this point it was at about 32% complete with Chrysalis none the wiser.

For the sake of the audience who were watching at home, the camera changed gears to get a sweeping shot of the audience. This was done to show their reactions but also to give Jon and Stephen time to prepare for their next session. Chrysalis was dumbfounded to see two immediately drop their weapons and scramble to get things ready for another skit.

When the camera returned Jon and Stephen were still in front of the desk, but while the camera was away from them an intern came on stage and placed a small terrier in between them. The audience watched while the two tried to coax the small dog to them by increasingly ridiculous methods.

"Come here boy!" Jon yelled as he held up an squeaky toy. "I got a nice toy for ya!"

"No come over here!" Stephen challenged as he held up a picture of Ronald Reagan's face in one hand and a document in the other. "Come to me and you'll be granted a tax exemption of up to 15% as long as you make a net worth of $1500 per month!”

The white and brown dog was trained to not leave its spot no matter what so it just endlessly looked to back and forth in confusion as the two the continued to try and win by gaining its attention.

"Look what I got, Fido!" Jon said, escalated the arms race by holding up an enticing uncooked steak. "There's more where that came from over here!"

"Hey! Remember when you got fixed!?" Stephen asked as he produced a zip-lock bag which contained something that had the look and texture of raw meat. "You can have em back...all you need to do is come to me!"

The two of them weren't the only one's making a commotion on live TV. In the heat of the moment Queen Chrysalis was starting to feel the effects of not being noticed, still unaware of the impending trap which was now at 63% completion.

"Hey! S-stop this!" She yelled. "Stop whatever it is you're doing! This is supposed to my interview!" She screamed for attention but couldn't be heard over the performance of Jon and Stephen, as well as the yelling of the audience. Things only got more one-sided when again, the camera switched from the stage to the audience again for another reaction shot. Like before, this was done to give the two on stage time to prepare for their next bit.

Chrysalis watched as the two immediately took opposing seats on the desk. Jon had pulled out something from under his seat that she'd never seen before and the two continued their fighting. When the camera returned to the set the audience now saw the the two comedians with already setup "Battleship stations" in front of them. Their war was not over yet, at least not until the spell was complete; which, at the moment, was at only 78%.

"E3!?" Jon yelled.

"Miss!" Stephen responded. "G7!?"

"Miss!" Jon answered as he put the corresponding indicator on his side. "A2!?"

"Miss!" Stephen said. "L10!?"

"SON OF A BITCH! HIT!" Jon yelled while making a face like he was trying not to laugh. Before speaking he took a second to think about his next move. "D5!?"

"Nooooooo!" Stephen yelled. "You sunk my battleship!" In anger he swung his arms across the table sending children's toy tumbling to the ground surprising everyone who saw. Still brimming with conservative rage Stephen grabbed a hold of Jon's hand forcing him into a battle of thumb wars while Chrysalis looked on, trying not to break character.

Unknown to everyone including Jon, the spell was almost complete. While the two friends aggressively fought to get the upper thumb, and pin their opponent for three seconds, the spell had just cross the threshold of being 90% complete.

This time instead of having a wide angle shot of the entire set the camera had zoomed in on Jon and Stephen. Lost in the chaos that was their performance the cameramen had all but forgotten about Queen Chrysalis in the corner who was still desperately trying to bring the attention to her.

She screamed and hollered at anyone nearby in the vain hope that she would be noticed again. When it was clear that the two comedians in front of her were what the audience wanted and not her, she began to get angry. She tried her hardest not to explode with rage since doing so would be very out of character for Lyra, but when she looked over to see the screen on the side edge of the set (which had a live feed of what audiences were looking at) she noticed that she wasn't even visible anymore. This was what tilted her over the edge.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!" She ordered as she jumped in front of the desk to get in the view of the camera. Using her magic, she managed to amplify her voice so that it would carry over everyone else's. Her voice was so loud and the audio feedback from her mic so pain shriekingly sharp that everyone silenced themselves. As she wished, all eyes were back on her, but the amount love coming her way was still ever tardy.

She looked to be somewhat out of breath, mostly due from all the shouting she was doing beforehand. Her angry eyes looked around the room just to make sure that she was once again the center of attention.

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, BUT DAMMIT, THIS IS MY TIME AND I WILL NOT BE OVERSHADOWED BY A HUMAN!" She roared. Taking another breath, she slowly made her way back to her seat and sat down while a scared cameraman followed her movement. "Now then...my interview will continue normally, the new human will leave, and all of you will give me the attention that I deserve…OR ELSE!"

To demonstrate, as well and intimidate, she slammed her hoof against the ground causing a slight tremor to shake the building. This was done by her sending a shock-wave of magic down into the ground to replicate an earthquake.

After her rant came to an end, the entire set went silent. The audience was left more confused than Chrysalis herself had been, and those who weren’t looked scared. They wondered if this was all part of the interview segment or perhaps some form on unscripted crisis.

Much like the audience themselves Jon and Stephen were left scared and confused, respectively. Stephen wondered what exactly was going to happen while Jon was scared by the fact that Chrysalis was still present.

He quickly looked down at his clock then back up at his guest.

"Something is wrong." Jon thought to himself. "Why is she still here?" Chrysalis' presence only made him more anxious when he realized that she should have been teleported nearly a full minute ago. What he didn't know however was that backstage Trixie had miscalculated the amount of magic needed to get the spell operational. This oversight had made it so that spell was now stuck at 90%

It was as she feared from the start; Trixie blundered yet another simple spell.

"Hey, Jon?" Stephen whispered. "When is this spell of yours supposed to kick in?"

"It should've already happened." Jon answered. "I...I don't know what went wrong?"

"HEY!" Chrysalis yelled from across the room at Jon. "Stop your whispering and get over here! Tell your friend to leave now!"

"Dammit...we need more time." Jon said. Accepting that the plan might have failed, Jon slowly inched his way forward in accordance with Chrysalis' orders. But before he could get any closer Stephen placed a firm hand on his shoulder and yanked him back.

"Don't worry Jon." He said as he adjusted his tie. "I got this."

Rather than following orders, Stephen stepped up and began a confident stroll up to the dangerous pony who was glaring at him so hard that Jon could feel it. The audience said nothing as did Jon, they both eagerly awaited to see what he would do. Were it not for the fact that she was still on live television Chrysalis would have used her magic to cause him bodily harm. But since she didn't want to give herself away she instead just waited to see if he'd leave. He didn't.

"Lyra right?" He said. Without asking he grabbed her hoof and shook it a couple of times before she jerked it back. "Nice to meet ya kid...didn’t mean to cause any harm." With eyes that looked like they could kill she glared at Stephen while he took out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and rubbed it on his hands.

"Apologize." She demanded. "I want to hear you apologize to me for interrupting my interview."

"Very well. I apologize that I’m so much more interesting. There." He said.

"Excuse me!" She said in shock. Turning on his heels Stephen walked forward to face the camera while simultaneously pointing to Jon.

"Oh and Jon! I take back what I said about wanting your ponies…you can have em'!" He said. "Because I have something even better! Something that you will never have!" Unsure of where he was going with this, Jon looked over and his guest who looked like she was about to erupt with rage, then back at Stephen.

"And...what would that be?" He asked.

"That would be the millions people in the world who are proud members of the Colbert nation!" He answered as he pointed at the audience with two hands. "WHOOOOOOO!"

It was at that moment, more than at any point during the program, did Jon seriously feel as if someone was trying to take over his show. The audience took Stephen's bait and, just as he planned, began to pay tribute to their beloved TV host.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

The crowd jumped to their feet and against the wishes of the guest began to do their trademark chants.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

Jon listened to the crowd getting louder and faster with their chanting hoping that this would be the push in time needed to get the spell working again. What he didn't know was Trixie had found a solution to the problem of the spell being null in void.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

As the chanting continued the spell began to slowly grow as the magic climbed in tiny increments. It was now at 91%.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

92%

Up until now, Chrysalis had to endure finding a way to get to the human world, trick both Celestia and Jon to get on the show, and put up with the wacky antics of the comedy duo on stage, but she took it all calmly and methodically. But this, this was too much for her.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

93%

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

To have someone else steal the spotlight on her time was frustrating enough for Chrysalis, but now they were chanting his name during her interview segment. She could take it no longer.

94%

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"SHUT UP!" She demanded. "I ORDER YOU TO STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!!!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"YOU IDIOTS ARE PRAISING A MERE HUMAN!" She continued. "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? I'M WHAT YOU WANT!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

95%

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

The crowd was so loud that Stephen couldn't hear the sound of Chrysalis yelling at them even though she was only a couple feet away. The chanting got faster and faster making it increasingly harder for anyone to hear anything.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STOP IT!" Chrysalis said as she jumped up and down in her seat, "STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

96%

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

For Chrysalis having to hear this was like hearing one’s own birthday party start without you. All the love and attention she planned to obtain was now being given to someone else. And to add insult to injury it was to a human. Despite her best efforts to stay calm petty jealousy took control of her and she soon found herself aiming her horn at Stephen's back.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

97%

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE!!!" Chrysalis yelled.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

"Come on Trixie you can do it." Jon thought to himself. "Come one...come one..." He was still on the sidelines anxious about what would happen; he felt like his feet were encased in cement and his face gave the impression that he had lost control of everything. Till now he was perfectly content with letting Stephen stand on the edge of the set and address the audience like a music composer. But then he noticed Chrysalis was now charging her horn with magic.

"Oh no." He thought. "What is she doing?" But of course he knew exactly what she was doing, the look in her eyes told it all. There was some issue on what exactly she going to cast with her horn but one thing that Jon knew for certain was it was aimed squarely at Stephen and that it was meant to deal massive damage.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

98%

"Stop it." Chrysalis said once more her voice low since she was now concentrating on gather a large amount of magic. And of course the crowds cheering was so great Stephens still couldn't hear anything.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

Jon didn't remember ever leaving his present location or even thinking about what he was about to do. It was as if his brain was being sped up so much that he couldn't tell that his body was now acting on its own.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

All remembered was thinking that his first priority had not changed. It was to get Chrysalis out of here before she had the chance of hurting any of his friends, which he vowed to do no matter what.

"STEPHEN, STEPHEN, STEPHEN!"

99%

"I. Said." Chrysalis muttered to herself. "STOOOOOOOOOOO--"

"STEPHEN WATCH OUT!" Jon yelled. With all his strength Jon bolted himself over the side of his desk and tackled Chrysalis with all his weight before she could cast her magic. His plan worked but only just barely. In the long run all he really did was change the trajectory of her projective by a few feet.

With Stephen pandering to the audience he almost missed seeing a burst of light coming from the corner of his eye. But more than anything he could feel a great heat from behind him. It was as if a giant ball of fire flew across the room and into the sky. He was wearing a three piece suit and he could still feel a sweltering heat against his back.

For the first time since the chanting, Chrysalis finally got the audience’s attention in the form of a huge burst of magic colliding with the ceiling where it completely obliterated some equipment. The room was now quiet but this only lasted a few seconds for soon those watching from the rafters were now squirming in their seats and whispering amongst themselves.

Stephen turned to see where the magic had terminated and was in shock to see that a large chunk of the building was now gone, leaving a perfectly round indication. He turned to his other side where the magic originated from expecting to see his friend or at the very least a very angry Chrysalis. None were present.

Both he and the audience looked onward in awe at the spot where the host and guest were. Not only were they gone but a there was a circular scorch mark on the floor. It took Stephen only a second to put two and two together and, without a word, he sprang into action.

"Someone cut the feed!" He yelled as she rushed to the backstage. "You! Hurry up and put out a press release! And you! Get the interns all together to answer the phones. If anyone asks we're just going through some 'technical difficulties.'"

Selina was just outside the backstage entrance and, although it would ordinarily fall on her to coordinate things while her boss was away, she let Stephen walk by her and take control while she just stood in horror. Her gaze was locked on the guest's chair where Chrysalis was sitting. She could hardly believe what she saw, in the blink of an eyes both Chrysalis and Jon got teleported away. The plan had worked...but it took Jon with it.

She stood there paralyzed for a moment unable to think straight. Soon the sound of Stephen barking out order snapped her out of her stupor.

"HEY! Someone hurry up and answer that! We still have the rest of the show to fill up!" He yelled. Turning around he grabbed Selina by the shoulders and made it so she could see him. "Selina! Where do we keep the backup entries!?"

"Oh uh...it's...it's in the storage room." She answered.

"Hey! Someone tell the boys in the back to play one of the backup logs!" He said. "I don't care which just do it! We still have a show to put on!"

Rumors and speculations had already begun to spread through the crowd. They were unsure of how to feel about anything that was going. But nevertheless they stayed and waited to see what would happen next while the back was in a frantic scramble to salvage the show.

Selina admired their resolve, but at the same time she felt like she was the only one who cared that Jon had been taken away. To help, she quickly rushed behind the stage and yelled as loudly as she could to get the attention of the one who made all this possible.

"Trixie! Trixie we have a problem! You're spell worked but you accidentally took Jon too!" Selina said. "We need you to bring him back! He's in serious danger right now!"

When no one responded, she figured it was because she was tired from having pulled of a massive spell that was too much for her. So to help meet her halfway, she began to make her way to the center of the stage behind the backdrop, ducking under hazardous wires and stepping over planks of wood.

"Trixie are you awake!" She asked. "We need you to bring Jon back...Trixie? Trixie can you hear me." Eventually Selina made it to where Trixie was. She stopped and quickly did a double take. She couldn't believe what she saw, or rather what she didn't see...her costume was there as was her book of spells, but Trixie herself was nowhere to be seen.

Concerned, she searched the area on the off chance that she had wandered off, but upon further investigation, she saw something that chilled her to her very core.

"Oh no." She said as she knelt down. With her eyes now adjusted to the darkness, she could now see that over the hexagon was the same scorch mark that was left on the main stage. She was gone too.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Final confrontation.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Final confrontation.

Jon Stewart was a man of many beliefs. One thing he believed was that if you have something, or someone, that's important to you and its being tested or put in harm’s way, then it's your duty to protect it. Otherwise it's not something you love, but rather something you just say you love.

This was the case when it came to Queen Chrysalis. To him, her very existence meant that everything he loved and had worked for was in danger and it was his job to deal with it. Back at Daily Show headquarters, when he saw her point that jagged horn of her’s at Stephen Colbert, all he could think of was how if this thing were to stay any longer no one would be safe.

When he tackled Chrysalis, their bodies didn't even have time to touch the ground before they both got teleported away. They got sent away mid-collision so their ride was turbulent at best.

In his short time in dealing with magic, Jon had been teleported by different ponies at different times to different places, but Trixie's style was by far was the most bizarre to work with. Unlike Twilight or Celestia, where a teleportation was quick and instantaneous, Trixie's process was longer, presumably to account for her being less skilled.

For a while it felt as if they were just sailing through a void of empty space which was made all the more nauseating by their constant flailing. But soon the two crashed back into reality in the form of them landing gracelessly on the cold hard ground of Canterlot Castle.

“Oof!” Jon moaned as he made contact the ground. When he opened his eyes he immediately noticed that his surroundings were different. “Wh..what?...Where am--what happened?” Because of the angle in which he got teleported Jon was left staring upward at the ceiling. When he gazed at it, he realized where he was. Instead of being on set of his show he was now in Canterlot…with Chrysalis.

“Oh, fuck.” He said.

He had landed with a great amount of force, with the brunt of the force being administered to his back. This brought back nostalgic memories of when he first met Celestia. She had teleported him from his house all to her throne room and when he arrived he had done so in a similar fashion to this one.

"Celestia!" Jon said in painful voice.

The thought of her snapped Jon out of whatever dream like state he was in and, as a result, he quickly shot up and looked straight ahead. Instead of the Celestia he saw the long stretch of space that had the door to the rest of castle at the end of it. Blocking the way was, to his dismay, Queen Chrysalis. She was still hunched over, in pain, and in her Lyra form. Unlike Jon, she didn't have such an easy landing. While Jon just suffered from a sore back, Chrysalis had landed on her shoulder so hard, her head bounced off the floor, disorientating her to the point where she couldn't stand.

Jon used this momentary opening to jump to his feet and turn around to where the royal throne was. Around this portion of the plan, Jon would have already called Celestia to warn her that the pony who had just appeared before her wasn't Lyra but Chrysalis. But since Jon was now physically here he decided to cut out the middle man and just tell her himself.

"Celestia!" Jon yelled. "Quick! Use your magic! That's...not..."

As if someone had sucked all the air out of him Jon stopped in his place and momentarily forgot how to speak. The royal seat was there in front of him, atop a long set of stairs as it always had been, but this time it was completely vacant. He looked to the side of the elevated platform and then to his left and right.

The only thing present was a small sign attached to the front of the chair with bold letters that read: "Am currently unavailable; be back in 15 minutes."

The sign just stood there, crooked as if to taunt Jon. It was such an easy thing to overlook but Jon just felt stupid for not thinking that perhaps she wouldn't be in this particular area at this particular time. No one was there to help him. No one but Chrysalis to keep him company and no one other than himself to blame.

"You've got to be kidding me." Jon said to himself. "Celestia...of all the times you had to go on a lunch break."

Many emotions were now exploding within Jon's person. Fear for what Chrysalis might do to him, anger for himself for falling into his own trap, anxiety over what would happen next, but one thing he felt oddly enough, was a sense of relief. He may have messed up but at least he managed to get Chrysalis out of his world and away from his friends and family. In the long run, he didn't really care what happened to him just as long as those he loved were safe.

With so many conflicting emotions still fighting to obtain dominance of Jon's psyche he lost control of his legs and fell to his knees. He didn't even bother to see if Chrysalis was watching him. He just smiled, laughed at himself, and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out his cellphone and thought about what he would say once he actually called Celestia.

"Hey Celestia, how's it going?" Jon joked out loud as he dialed his phone. “Listen I know you're taking a breather but could you come and help me? Queen Chrysalis is right behind me and I think she's going to kill me sooo if you could swing by I'd owe ya big time."

Jon was moments away from pressing dial when he heard someone from just over his shoulder. At first he assumed it was Chrysalis walking up to him with malicious intentions but when he stopped and listened he could still clearly hear her far off in the background moaning in pain. The second sound was that of someone gasping for breath.

Was there someone else with him after all?

This made Jon curious. Curious enough to briefly look behind him to see what it was. When he did so that same sense of relief that at first seemed so inviting and ever present shattered into pieces. He now realized that he was not alone with Chrysalis there was also someone else with him. Or rather somepony else.

"Trixie!" Jon yelled. Dropping his phone on the ground Jon jumped to his feet and sprinted across the room where Trixie was lying on the ground gasping for breath like a fish out of water. Collapsing to his knees, he picked her up and held her head gently with his hand the way he would a newborn baby. "Oh my god, Trixie are you okay!?"

Although she was conscious, she looked like she could black out at any moment, since the amount of magic needed to get them all here turned out to be more than she could handle. She could hardly breathe let alone speak so her interaction with Jon was limited to her looking at him with her tired eyes.

"Jesus Christ, what are you even doing here!?" He asked. Were she in any position to be able to talk, she might've countered by asking Jon the same thing since the original plan was to only teleport Chrysalis. In response, the frail Unicorn raised her hoof as delicately as she could. Following her extended leg Jon now saw what she was pointing at. Chrysalis was now upright and fully conscious

"What...what happened?" She said. Shaking her head she looked across the room and saw a terrified looking Jon Stewart cradling a pony she had never seen before. Her confusion only deepened when she saw that she was no longer in on the set of The Daily Show. "Wh...wh-where am I!?"

At first she hadn't the faintest idea of where she was so she looked in all directions, her movements random and frenzied. Slowly she began to realize exactly where she was; she just didn't want to accept it.

This wasn't the first time she'd been in the royal throne room herself. The last time she was here was when she tried to take over Canterlot, and it was here that she, for a brief moment, had actually succeeded. Back then she was arguably the strongest creature in Equestria, and was the closest she had ever been to being in full control of this world. But now circumstances couldn't be more different.

Back home her influence over her own people was starting to waver and at her present state she was only a few tiers stronger than an average pony. The thought that she was here now in her current status made her terrified.

"What the hell am I doing in Canterlot Castle!" He blurted with a panicked lack of awareness for Jon and Trixie. "I shouldn't be here yet! It's way too early! I...I, I, I need to get out of here!"

Ignoring the fact that she would've left without Jon at her side, Chrysalis threw her horn skyward and immediately began to conjure a large amount of magic at the tip of her horn. Jon found it disheartening that in her weakened state she managed to do in three seconds what took Trixie did in almost thirty minutes. That and at any moment, it looked like she would just send herself back, rendering everything they had done moot.

"NO!" Jon yelled as he threw his hand outward like he wanted to physically grab her. Before he could get up Chrysalis vanished but just as quickly reappeared, so suddenly one would miss it if they blinked. Her spell managed to work but without the proper amount of power needed to travel between worlds to go along with it all she managed to do was desynchronize from Equestria for about one-tenth of a second.

She was clearly in no condition to make a leap this great, not that she'd ever admit that.

"No...no, no, no, no this can't be happening to me!" She said as she tried again to teleport back to New York. Like before she managed to build up a considerable amount of magic in her horn, only this time when she tried to use it, it literally blew up in her face. "NO! I...I can do this!"

Again, she charged her horn, and again, it blew up and when that failed, she tried again, yielding the exact same results. She tried several more times and nothing changed each time she illuminated the entire room with what was like lighting fireworks at regular intervals. She was so determined to make this work she didn't even notice that trial after trial it was taking her longer and longer to gather the magic needed to precede. Every attempt she would gather less magic than the last only to have the spell reject it and discharging it back in her face, wasting another chunk of her magic in the process.

Evidence suggested that she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon, but Jon still watched with a worried expression on his face while carefully holding Trixie's head against his chest. He was still worried of a possible scenario where she managed to pull it off but she never did. Jon started to notice that it was getting increasingly harder for her to manage all the magic.

Eventually she stopped her fruitless attempts of escape whereupon she dropped to her knees and lowered her head.

"I...can't...do...it." She said in between gasps of breath. "I’m...not...strong enough."

She lowered her head in shame and in doing so covered her body with her hair as if she didn't want to be seen. Jon was too far away to notice but she had already begun to change. With any attempt to leave now impossible, Chrysalis' mind began to think more logically. She had so many questions with the most obvious one being how she got here. Since Jon was with her, however, she came to one conclusion.

"This....t-this..." She said in a weak tone. Her body was trembling and the way her shoulders moved up and down gave the impression that she was breathing heavily. "...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!"

She threw her head up so quickly she flung her long hair all the way behind her revealing that she had already reverted back to her original form. Her power was so depleted that she had subconsciously lost control of her ability to maintain her Lyra form.

"YOU...y-you tricked me! I don't know how you managed to do it but I know this is your doing!" She roared as she slowly fumbled towards Jon. Her face looked as if she was trying to stab him with her gaze and she was grinding her teeth so hard Jon could hear it from his side of the room. "I underestimated you human; never did I predict that you could even come close to stopping me...and yet, here we are! So, what's your big plan now, huh!? What are you going to do now that we're here!?"

Of course Jon did have a plan, but it involved him not being anywhere near Canterlot and calling Princess Celestia for help. A plan which he had completely forgotten at the time but was soon reminded of by the sound of his phone crying out to him.

Both he and Chrysalis' attention were now torn by the sound of Jon's phone which he had dropped back at his original landing point. They both realized just by the sound it was making, "Her Majesty" by The Beatles, that the person trying to make contact was Celestia. No doubt she was calling because she wanted to see if Jon was alright since she always watched his show live.

Almost simultaneously, the two enemies looked at each other then back at the phone, their eyes a mixture of surprise and a sense of urgency. Realizing that Celestia still had no idea where they had went or if they needed assistance, Jon carefully, but quickly, placed Trixie back on the ground and with all of his strength ran to his phone.

When he was close enough to where he could bend over and grab it he opted instead to dive at it as quickly as he could like a baseball player diving for home base. His fingers just barely wrapped around it before it flew out of his hand and across the room, like it was on the end of a rubber band. Jon watched the phone zip forward eventually stopping in midair. It was now hovering in place in front of Chrysalis, her angry eyes carefully scanning the screen.

Once she determined for certain who was calling she took a deep breath and quickly answered it by sliding her hoof across the screen.

"Hello Celestia." She said in her most accurate Jon Stewart voice. "How can I help you?"

"Celestia no!" Jon yelled and he ran forward. "That's not--"

Before Jon even knew what had happened he went back to being silent, not of his own free will, but because there was something obstructing his mouth. Like a gunslinger with a deadly aim Chrysalis had shot out a tiny burst of magic towards Jon whereupon it solidified itself into a corporeal mass of green sludge over his mouth.

It felt as if someone had wadded up dozens of chewing gum and wrapped it over his face. When he tried to tear it off Chrysalis just activated it with her horn and it wouldn't move like a parasite refusing to give up its only source of nourishment.

When he looked back up at Chrysalis, he saw that she was now multitasking by using her horn to hold the phone to her ear and pointing at Jon with an extended hoof as if to say "gimme a minute; I'm on the phone." Jon thought about physically walking up and taking the phone away but the way she was glaring at him had petrified him to the point where he dared not move. He just watched as Chrysalis continued her phone call under the guise of himself.

"Sorry about that Celestia, that was no one." She said, still imitating Jon. "Now what was it that you wanted to talk about?"

Jon tried to yell out to Celestia again but for all his struggling all he could manage was just a few muffled words that even he could barely hear.

"What? Oh no, no, no. I'm alright, but thanks for asking." Chrysalis said. "Yeah, we just had some...some technical difficulties, but everything is...say again...really...oh really...well…could you tell me exactly what you saw?"

This one sided conversation between herself and Celestia was driving Jon crazy. He didn't know what the princess was saying but whatever it was it couldn't be good for Chrysalis to know. Trying again Jon attempted to rip the green gunk off his face but again she used her magic to keep it in place.

"Really...I see...no I assure what you saw was all just a part of the show...there's no need to get involved." Chrysalis continued. "After we're done getting everything back together my interview with Lyra will continue as …wait, excuse me?"

As she slowly lowered her hoof Chrysalis’ expression changed from anger to that of something closely resembling disappointment. Whatever Celestia was telling her it was powerful enough for her to momentarily lower her guard. This gave Jon enough time to slowly tear the green gunk of his face portion by portion.

"What...what do you mean? Are...are you certain...wait, who?" She asked Celestia in a confused voice that lingered on the furious. "I uh...no I don't remember, could you please give me a quick description...I see...I see...thank you for telling me."

Although Chrysalis was giving thanks and acting polite she had look about her like she was ready to bite someone's head clean off.

"No I'm fine I assure you...where am I?" She asked. Looking over at Jon she saw him tearing off her goo at a now faster pace. She didn't care though since she didn't plan on talking very much longer, but before answering she paused to stare at both him and Trixie and gave a smile that showed off her razor sharp teeth. "I'm at Ponyville right now...inside the Everfree Forest to be exact...why yes I would love for you to help me...if you could come by that would be great...Okay thanks. Listen I'd love to talk some more but there's a problem here I need to take care of. Okay, bye bye."

She hanged up the phone at the same time that Jon got the last piece of magic enveloping gunk off his face. He gasped for breath and watched as Chrysalis slammed his phone on the ground and proceeded to smash it into dozens of pieces with her hoof.

"A hidden teleportation spell...very clever." She said with an angry tone which was made all the more terrifying by her large evil smile and nervous laughter. "Ruined; you've ruined everything...this was finally my chance to get back on top and you've...completely....ruined it." She began to slowly tilt her head to side all the while still giggling to herself.

Jon's worst fear was now being realized, for now she was looking dead straight at Trixie. Within an instant her smile vanished and her horn began to glow.

"AND YOU!" She roared as she lifted Trixie high up in the air by her neck. "You're the one who brought me here aren't you!?"

Trixie didn't answer but she showed signs of life by desperately gasping for breath and violently swinging her hooves back and forth. Chrysalis was not only levitating her but she was doing so while choking her by the neck which was very evident by her face starting to change color from the lack of oxygen.

"What's your take from all this huh? Fame, fortune, or did you just want what was rightfully mine!?" She asked as she purposely made it impossible for her to answer by increasing the pressure. "You worthless, pathetic, little nopony!...I'm going to tear off your horn and shove it down your--"

Suddenly and without warning, Chrysalis was interrupted by a large force colliding with her face. It was so strong it sent her hurdling towards the ground, and since whatever it was got her right in the eye she didn't see who it was or where it came from after the fact.

With her being momentarily incapacitated, her magical grip was released and Trixie fell back down, but before she could collide with the hard ground, she got caught by the person who had just moments ago laid out the Changeling Queen.

"I got ya, Trixie!" Jon said, after catching her at the last minute. Walking off to the side he placed her on the ground as gently as possible and brushed her long hair away from her face. "There, there, It's going to be okay, I'm here."

With Trixie now out of harms way Jon peaked over and Chrysalis who was still on the ground.

"Now...stay here I need to take care of business." He added.

Having been fueled by his desire to help his friend Jon had dashed across the room in a speed that was uncanny for his age. Chrysalis didn't see him coming mostly due to her being distracted by her strangling of Trixie, but even if she was fully aware of her surroundings, she might not have been able to counter in time. Getting up now, she could just barely see the image of a figure walking towards her; it was Jon. He looked furious and he was rubbing the same hand he used to punch her in the face.

"You!" She said as she struggled to get up. "I'm going to--"

Again she was cut off by Jon slamming his closed fist into her face with a roar. At 5'6 and 156 pounds, Jon wasn't the tallest human in the world, in fact most people he met we're bigger than him. But here in Equestria he towered over most ponies. Even those as big as Celestia and Chrysalis were a few inches shorter than he was (though on their hind legs not so much) which meant that when he threw a punch, it hurt.

This time, when he punched her, he did so with such great force that her head bounced off the floor, blurring her vision and causing her to become delirious again. Although she had trouble seeing, she knew he was now standing over her body based on the fact that she could hear him yelling at her.

"THAT'S FOR ATTACKING MY ASSISTANT!" He yelled as loudly as could. With heavy breathes he looked down at her and could see his own reflection in the floor, he hardly recognized the angry face staring back at him but at this point he really didn't care. Bending over, he grabbed her by her jagged horn and hoisted her back up to a sitting position. Throwing his whole body into it, he leaned forward and punched her in the face for the third time. "THAT'S FOR INSULTING MY WIFE!"

His third punch was so devastating it caused Chrysalis to roll a couple feet away and onto her stomach. With enough space between them for a running start Jon waited for her to slowly get up whereupon he bolted at her and kicked her at hard as he could in the throat, which caused her to fly backwards and land on her back.

"THAT'S FOR THREATENING TO HURT MY KIDS!" He roared, staying back to catch his breath. It looked as if Chrysalis was unconscious since she was now motionless and silent. Jon took this moment to admire his handy work before looking over at Trixie who was still on the floor and in pain.

Seeing this only made Jon more angry so he promptly walked up the unconscious Queen and while standing over her grabbed her by her neck and lifted her up as high as he could. Which, due to her dead weight, was only about shoulder high. He paused for a second to look at her bruised face which slumped over his hand to the side. She looked dead but Jon could feel a pulse.

"And this." He said as he cocked his fist back and took a deep breath. "THIS FOR TRI--"

His hand froze mid swing and was now hovering a couple of inches away from her face. Jon knew what this one, this sensation was one that he remembered all too well. He was now completely paralyzed. He didn't even have the movement necessary to look surprised when Chrysalis' eyes shot open, her gaze directly solely at him. She was playing possum and Jon fell for it.

Trying as best he could Jon attempted to break free from her spell and launch his fist forward. And to his credit Chrysalis was weak enough that he managed to inch forward a little bit. But doing so caused him to use up what little energy he had left. The only part of him that moved was his hand to release her, though this was not done of his own free will.

"How dare you." Chrysalis said. "How dare you lay your filthy human hands on a Queen!?"

With her horn now glowing she tried to lift Jon in the air as she did with Trixie but since he was considerably heavier he only managed to lift him a few feet skywards. What she could do quite easily was use her magic so stretch his arms and legs in all directions as if he was about to attempt to do a snow angel. She used her powers to yank on his arms and legs like a kid tearing the legs off a spider.

It felt to Jon as if his appendages would pop out of their sockets at any moment. The pain was so excruciating but he didn't make a sound since she was also using her magic to choke him.

"You've destroyed everything I've worked for" She said. "...So now I'll destroy YOU!"

Using her hind legs to jump slightly in the air, she swung her head up then down which made Jon's entire being slam into the ground. He barely had time to let out a cry of pain before being lifted back up in the air. To show that she was not done, Chrysalis tilted her head to the side which caused Jon's body to contort slightly. Now it felt as if his joints were being bent in their opposite directions and whenever he put up the slightest resistance she just increased the pressure.

"How does it feel, human?" She asked, "How does it feel to know that you are powerless against me!"

Just as it would seem that he would snap in half the evil queen once again slammed Jon as hard as she could back on the ground, this time doing so where he would land on his knees instead of his stomach. Because of her magic Jon couldn't talk to even give the slightest expression of pain. All he could do was give out muffled groans of agony.

He was now sitting up on his knees at the hoofs of Chrysalis. She used her magic to make it so he was looking up as if he was about to pray to her.

"Beg! I want to hear you beg for your life!" She demanded as she loosened the grip on his throat. "If you do so perhaps I'll go easy on you and give you a quick and painless death!" Jon now had a plan. Like before, he thought if he stalled for time, someone would come and save him. It was risky but he was all out of options.

A few seconds after Jon was granted permission to speak he began to laugh. At first it was a stifled giggle but soon it elevated to a full on explosion of laughter. Chrysalis didn't know what to make of it. At first she assumed he had gone mad but her theory was put to rest once he began to speak.

"You seem to upset about something." Jon said in a sarcastic tone. Some might have called his actions 'tempting fate,' but he found the fact that she was tricked like this to be endlessly amusing in hindsight. "Am I to assume this means you wouldn't be willing to do a follow up interview?"

His willingness to crack jokes at her expense, even while his own life was in jeopardy, both confused and infuriated Chrysalis. At that moment there was a great many things she could have done to him ranging from more magic torture to blatant bodily harm, but since she was blinded by a mask of pure anger, she fell back on her more animalistic instincts.

In a quick motion she turned around and readied her hind legs in a kicking position. Jon had experienced being kicked by ponies a couple of times now so he wasn't at all concerned about her decision, which only made the resulting pain all the more unbearable.

After cocking her legs back Chrysalis slammed her hooves into Jon's chest region as hard as she could. When she made contact with his chest, a spark of magic went off between them like a power line blowing out. The resulting force sent Jon rocketing all the way across the room at a speed so fast Jon's eyes couldn't keep up.

Fortune had decided to give him a break, however, since instead of slamming on a wall or going through a window, he ended up just awkwardly landing on Celestia’s royal throne. He wasn't without injuries however. He suddenly found it even more difficult to breathe now than when he was being choked and the kick had resulted in a few broken ribs and an almost shattered sternum.

When he tried to get up, the overwhelming pain forced him to sit back down.

"Well." Jon said through bouts of pain. "At least this chair is comfy."

His wise cracking did very little to endear himself to Chrysalis who had already walked over to the base of the stairs that led up to where Jon was grounded.

"I'm going to give you one last chance to redeem yourself. If you agree to take me back to your world...I'll spare your life." Chrysalis said as she paced back and forth. "If you think this is the end of my invasion then you are very much wrong...I’ll just find another way back to your world and continue my plan with or without without you."

Rather than being concerned, Jon found her deal to be just as laughable since he knew her threats were hollow and devoid of any truth. She was stuck here just as much as he was for the time being and he knew it. Jon paused at first, which lead Chrysalis to believe that he was actually considering her offer, but in actuality he was just working up the strength to lift his arm in the air.

"Are we done yet?" Jon asked as he looked at his watch. "Because I've got a meeting... with my producers in about an hour."

She was sure that he would buckle under by now but her attempts to salvage her plan, by reasoning with Jon ,was met only with continued uncooperativeness and more blasphemous behavior. Both being things she never tolerated in her kingdom

"Foolish human!" She scowled as she pointed her horn directly at him. "This is your last chance! Obey me or die...what do you say?"

"I say...." Jon said with a pause as he rubbed his aching chest. "The real Lyra hits harder than you do."

For Chrysalis that was it, she had now reached her tipping point. She no longer wished to try and arrange a deal with Jon nor did she wish to consort with him any longer than she needed to. A small part of her now realized that her plan had failed…now all she wanted now was to get rid of Jon.

"...Why...you...filthy...HUMAN!" She roared as the top of her horn began to glow with ominous power. At the time the throne room wasn't properly lit since no one was scheduled to occupy it but it was now illuminated so brightly Jon had to shield his eyes. In her rage Chrysalis had managed to amass a large chunk of magic on the on the tip of her horn much like how she did back at the studio. Jon recognized it as the same type of magic that she almost used on Stephen, only this time it was now aimed at him.

"You will rue the day you ever tried to stop me!" She yelled. Her magic was so bright and wide in diameter that Jon had a hard time seeing her. Any remnants of Jon's joking facade had now washed away and been replaced by a sense of fear. He'd never seen so much magic accumulate in one spot like this and he feared what it might do.

He desperately tried to get up from his chair even though he had no idea of where he'd go from there. When he tried, he found he couldn't move at all. Not because Chrysalis was using her magic to subdue him but because his many injuries prevented him from moving without feeling a great surge of pain.

"Die!" She yelled. The force of her firing her attack was enough to recoil her head back and send her sliding backwards a few feet. The beam of energy moved at much slower pace than Jon expected which gave him just enough time to turn his head and throw his arms over himself.

But all of his attempts to lessen the inevitable were in vain. The blast of energy eventually made contact in an enormous display of light and heat, doing untold amounts of damage, both externally and, most dangerous of all, internally resulting in a near death state of being. It's just that none of it was dealt to Jon himself.

Since he had turned away Jon didn't see what happened but he did hear the sound of something falling on the ground with an audible thud. Curious by the fact that he was still alive Jon looked up to see Chrysalis looking straight ahead instead of at him with a face that suggested that she had missed. Of course she didn’t though.

Jon followed her gaze downwards to see what she was staring at and immediately found himself beyond horrified. He held his breath and he began to feel cold, he wasn't dead but he felt as if he was. His almost shattered skeleton, aching joints and torn tendons were nothing compared to the pain he now felt in his heart which felt like someone had yanked out through his chest.

He almost didn't recognize the figure lying halfway down the stairs because it's body was now black and smoldering from the attack. But once his eyes adjusted he recognized the person all too well.

"TRIXIE!" Jon yelled. His greatest fear had come true. "NO!"

Much to his and Chrysalis' dismay, Trixie had intercepted the attack by using the last drop of magic she had left to teleport herself in front of it, taking its full force. The attacks harmful effects were so powerful because she was closer that she didn't even get a chance to cry out in pain.

She wasn't moving and, although he was far away, he could tell that she wasn’t breathing either. This caused Jon to jump up from his seat and run forward only to tumble down when his knees gave out.

He was still roughly on the top of the stairs but now more than ever he could see Trixie and how bad of shape he was in. He tried to get back up to help her but within the blink of an eye her body flew away and was now in front of Chrysalis, her limbs lifeless and dangling like a broken marionette.

"Pathetic excuse for a Unicorn!" Chrysalis yelled. "STOP! GETTING! IN! MY! WAY!" She punctuated each word by slamming Trixie's now unconscious body violently against the ground. After she was done she tossed Trixie over her shoulder where she landed against a pillar with a sickening crack and landed back on the floor.

When she turned to face Jon again she was shocked to find that he had, within a few seconds: gotten up, ran down stairs, and was a few feet away running at her seemingly unabated with a crazed look in his eye.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" He roared and he swung his fist at her. Unfortunately for him, Chrysalis' prior knowledge to his fighting tactic coupled with his own sluggishness meant that she ducked his attack with ease. Seeing an opening of her own, she lunged forward and skewered Jon with her long horn.

She didn't know much about human anatomy so, when she gored him, she hoped she had gotten some kind of major organ but thankfully all she did was stab him on the side, mainly puncturing pure fat. However, due to her horn being awkwardly shaped, getting it out of Jon was much harder than getting it in. She yanked it out bringing with it a few small chunks of flesh.

The pain was so acute that Jon yelled in pain and fell backwards on his back. He groaned in pain while holding his wound which was now producing a small pool of blood all around him. Just when he thought the pain was starting to subside a bit, it escalated ten folds when Chrysalis stomped her hoof deep in his wound.

Jon screamed in pain as Chrysalis stood over his body with her front legs on each shoulder. Jon grabbed her in an attempt to throw her off, but she just slammed him back down by placing a free hoof over his bruised chest and pushing forward. To make sure he didn't try again, she dug her back hoof deeper into his open bloody opening.

Jon got the message; he wasn't going anywhere.

"Why won't you people just die!?" She yelled at him.

The pain he felt from being held down had caused Jon to shut his eyes, but when he opened them again, he saw the same deadly horn of hers now a few inches away from his face.

"You are not going to going to prevent me from realizing my destiny!" She continued. "Princess Celestia couldn't stop me, the Elements of Harmony couldn't stop me, and dammit, I will NOT be stopped by a filthy human!"

For the third and final time that day, Chrysalis began to charge her horn for a concentrated burst of energy. In response to this Jon struggled to get way, but when he did, she just shifted her weight on his chest and wound, causing him to stay put. Eventually she managed to accumulate a collection of magic at the tip of her horn again. And although it was much smaller than before, a well-executed shot from such a close range would be ideal for dealing massive amounts of damage.

"You’ve run out of miracles, human. I told you when we first met that, if you tried to interfere, you'd never see your family again." She said as she lowered her horn closer to his face, "And I meant it!"

Desperately, Jon tried to break free, but it was fast becoming apparent to him that he wasn't going to be able to maneuver his way out of this one. Eventually his stopped his pointless struggling and laid his head back; he had finally given up. While Chrysalis was charging her attack, Jon did the only thing he felt made sense at the time. He began to laugh.

"Man this day sucks...but at least my family is safe." He said to himself as he turned to face Trixie's lifeless body. "My only regret is that I couldn't protect you like I should have...and for that...I am sorry."

As if his body accepted that he was going to die, Jon began to slowly lose consciousness. Maybe it was from the overwhelming pain or his brain was shutting down to avoid seeing his own death happen, but either way he was slowly drifting away as his brain released endorphins.

The last thing Jon remembered seeing was the great ball of magic nearing its completion in front of his face. His eyes closed and, after a few seconds, had passed the sound of magic exploding on soft flesh followed by a scream of pain echoed throughout the room.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Someone help me!

The throne room of Canterlot Castle had been empty for awhile, since the Celestia wasn't occupying it, which meant that no one had any idea that Jon Stewart needed assistance. Only the princess and her royal guards were allowed in there and, since Chrysalis tricked Celestia into going all the way down to Ponyville, no one had any business being there.

As well at not being fully lit, the throne room was eerily quiet, so when the burst of magic found its target, the sound of it exploding was carried to every corner of the room. Afterwards, it was immediately followed by the sound of a loud cry of pain that seemed to echo throughout the entire Castle...it was loud enough to wake our hero back up.

Jon's eyes opened as the sound of screaming invaded his ears, kick starting his brain once again. And, as if that wasn't enough to get him to regain consciousness, the sensation of something very heavy falling on top of him cemented it.

In a frenzy, Jon tried to assess the situation, firstly by seeing if he was dead or not. To his relief he was indeed alive and, aside from his previous injuries, he seemed to be alright. What he couldn't understand was, why the person who was trying to kill him was now laying on top of him.

Just like before, Chrysalis was keeping Jon from getting up only, instead of physically holding him down, she had now collapsed directly on top of him. Her dead weight body, which twitched in grotesque spasms like she had been electrocuted, was keeping him from moving. And her face was now lying on his chest and seemed to be frozen in an expression of concentrated pain.

"What the hell?" Jon said to himself as he tried to figure out what had happened. His only clue at the moment was that there seemed to be smoke emanating from somewhere.

Using whatever strength he had left he tried to sit up but he couldn't get up very far. However, from his new angle he could now see something he couldn't before and that was Chrysalis' back. It was difficult to notice since her entire body was black but Jon was certain that the source of the smoke he had previously seen was coming from her upper back. It was now completely burnt like someone had tried to set fire to it.

"What happened?" Jon thought pensively to himself as he tried to look past the thick smoke. Slowly but surely the smoke began to dissipate and as it did he began to see the silhouette of a figure on the opposite side of the room near the door. At first the smoke was too dense to see through, but eventually he could make out some key features like the fact that it was a pony. A pony which was very large, had a crown, and most prominently of all had wings and a horn.

"Ce...Celestia!?" He said with a hopeful look about him.

Having believed that he would die at the hands of his enemy, seeing Celestia right here right now made Jon genuinely smile and his spirits soar as high as any Pegasus had ever flown. It all made sense to him now. Celestia must have seen through Chrysalis' deception and came back to save him. He was both physically and emotionally drained but the sight of his potential savior gave him a surge of new hope.

"Oh god yes!" Jon thought. "We're saved!" The cloud of smoke that hung over Chrysalis' body eventually disappeared and as it did it took away whatever sense of assurance Jon had with it. The once optimistic Jon was now left uncertain of what he should feel. The same hopefulness he once had was now drained and replaced with sense of dread

The wall of smoke was now gone and Jon could see who had attacked Chrysalis. It wasn't Celestia.

"VILE DEMON! HOW DARE YOU SOIL OUR SACRED GROUNDS WITH YOUR PRESENCE!" The creature yelled. "SURRENDER NOW OR FACE OUR WRATH!"

Jon remembered thinking at the time of his awakening that the sound of Queen Chrysalis crying out in pain was the loudest thing he had ever heard in his life. By comparison to this new beast, it was barely a whisper. Whoever this new pony was, she sure had a set of lungs on her. He had heard Jet planes make less noise than her. She was clear across the room, but her shouting was so audible it felt as if she were standing right next to him. Needles to say it made his ears ring in pain.

She was so loud that Jon wasn't the only one that could hear her. Still momentary crippled by the well-executed shot, Chryalis managed to turn her head to see who had attacked her. The second she laid her eyes on the pony who did it, she looked like she'd seen a ghost. She knew who this challenger was and, as a result, feared for her life.

Jon, on the other hand, still did not know who she was or if he should be concerned. She wasn't Celestia, but she sure looked a hell of a lot like her. She was bigger than the average pony (though smaller than Celestia), she had wings and a horn as well as matching slippers and crown. The only major part where they varied was the color of her body and mane.

Unlike Celestia, this pony had dark mane and an even darker coat of fur. Her body was a dark sapphire blue and her hair and tail were semitransparent and twinkled like the night sky. Jon couldn't see from where she was, but her cutie mark was a crescent moon which was also the symbol on the large neck piece she wore.

Jon could not tell whether she was one of the good guys or another enemy to be feared, but there was one thing that he was certain of...she was angry.

The creatures face said it all. Her eyes were glowing a bright white which was only matched by her teeth as she snarled in their direction. Her stance also implied that she was ready to attack if need be. Which, by all accounts, she was willing and able to do again.

"WE WILL ONLY WARN YOU ONE LAST TIME, SHAPE SHIFTER!" She roared. "RELINQUISH THE HUMAN AND SURRENDER AND PERHAPS WE’LL GO EASY ON YOU!"

The fact that she asked for her to hand over Jon was a good sign that she had his best interest in mind. But, on the other hand, her demands were met with more hesitation from Chrysalis. She swung her head back and forth, alternating between looking at the fearsome pony and the injured Jon Stewart as if trying to decide whether to risk finishing what she had started.

Her expression was a combination of fear, and contempt for both Jon and her attacker. She was on the verge of getting revenge only to be thwarted last minute which seemed to a running theme in her life up to this point. She began to take long breaths while trying to get up, only to collapse back down halfway through. Never in her life had she felt as weak and defeated as she did now and, in her eyes, it was all Jon's fault.

She looked at him with an angry look of her own as if to say "you did this to me" and Jon himself responded with a smile as if to say "I know." This in turn made Chrysalis attempt to rise to her feet while slowly lowering her head to once again point her horn at his face.

After it was clear that she had no intention of giving herself up, the angry Alicorn extended her wings and threw her head upwards.

"Very well then. It would seem thou has come to a decision...and so have we." She said. In one fell swoop the creature flew into the air as if she planned on breaking through the roof before stopping halfway. "FACE THE POWER OF THE NIGHT!!!"

The room trembled as magical forces began to work their way through the now floating beast. The windows remained closed, but it felt as if a whirlwind was now taking place in the center of the room. From behind the Alicorn, a darkness began to envelope the walls making it seem like the space behind her was the night sky. The chandeliers that hung from the ceiling swung to one direction like they were being sucked in, and the golden trinkets which were on display fell to the ground.

Both Jon and Chrysalis felt as if they were being sucked in like livestock to a tornado. Things only got more terrifying when a surge of energy began to appear in front of the floating Alicorn. It was small at first but within the blink of an eye it transformed into a large spherical mass of power, priming and pulsating with magic.

It was about fifteen feet in diameter, getting bigger and continuing to draw all manner of objects into itself while the darkness continued to eat up the room. Jon felt cold. Not because he was scared, but because it felt as if the temperature in the room had dropped to below zero, a side effect of the magic that was at work no doubt.

As impressive as the demonstration of her raw power was, it left the two huddled individuals on the floor cowering in fear with Chrysalis being frightened the most since she knew this was directed at her. As much as she wanted to deal with Jon, her petty revenge would have to wait if she ever wanted to live to see another day. She began to frantically look around the room for anything, anything that could help her and to her surprise she found the perfect equalizer. Slowly she lifted herself up from atop of Jon, which greatly helped him breathe easy, and began to slowly turn to the side as if she was planning to leave.

"DO NOT THINK THOU CAN ESCAPE!" She roared. "THERE IS NO WAY OUT! THIS IS WHERE YOUR REIGN OF EVIL COMES TO AN--"Using the last fragment of power she had left, Chrysalis levitated Trixie's motionless body towards her and, with all her might, hurled it at the dark blue Alicorn.

Because she was channeling a large amount of energy, her side of the room was a veritable oasis of harmful power. Wishing to not harm Trixie, the creature ceased her spell and caught her before she tumbled down to the ground or got hurt by the magic. The room reverted back to its normal state as she cradled Trixie's lifeless body in her hooves.

"Chrysalis!" She said as she looked up from Trixie to her prey. "Of all the despicable things you have done, this is--"

Before she could finish her thought the powerful Alicorn looked up just in time to see Chrysalis run across the room and towards one of the stained glass windows. But instead of stopping the Queen hurled herself though the colorful piece of art as if she had been fired out of a cannon.

The sound of glass shattering was tangled with the sound of dozens of doves flying away; each of whom was terrified at the Queens sudden appearance. Jon himself had watched her desperate escape the entire time but even he lost track of her when he leapt outside. During the cluttered mess of fallen feathers and broken glass, she had transformed herself to look like one of the many birds that were now flying in all directions. Completely indistinguishable from the others.

“No..." The Alicorn said. "....YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE US AGAIN!"

With blind fury, the powerful creature flew to the side of the room, placed Trixie on the ground, and ran to the window where Chrysalis had left. Jon watched as the creatures flexed her wings and arched it's back like it was about to shoot off like a rocket.

"W-w-wait! Don't go!" Jon yelled, but it was too late. Within an instant the Alicorn dashed forward a good 30 feet whereupon it made a quick turn and flew skywards. "NO! Come back! What about Trixie!?"

Jon's pleading was met with a moment of silence followed by what sounded like a military alarm going off in the distance. He took small comfort in knowing that steps were being taken to capture Chrysalis because, for him, the most important thing at present was getting Trixie some medical attention.

"Help!" Jon screamed. "Somebody help me!" But no one came. He tried again but still nothing happened so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

At first he tried to get up but his legs would not cooperate. He almost stood completely but hisknees just gave out and he landed on his stomach. Looking over he could see Trixie leaning against the wall where the Alicorn had left her. She seemed so far away but Jon could clearly see that she was in horrible shape. She needed someone. She needed a friend.

Although his legs were almost of no use to him, Jon's arms were still as efficient as ever. And so, with all his strength, he began to drag himself commando style over to his friend leaving only a trail of blood in his wake.

"Trixie!" Jon yelled. "I'm...I'm coming Trixie!"

The more he crawled, the more he felt like he was about to pass out from exhaustion. This was because, at that point, he had lost too much blood from the open wound on the side of his stomach. In his state, he had no idea what he would even do if he ever made over to Trixie, all he wanted was to be by her side.

"Trixie." Jon said in a tone of voice that was getting weaker. "Don’t you die on me dammit!” Things began to go black and his vision was starting to get fuzzy but he still went on. He crawled inch by inch and, as he did, he bled more.

“Tr…Trixie.” He said. “Trixie I'm sorry!"

He called out to her in the hopes that perhaps she would do the same back. When heard nothing, he called again and again while his senses began to fade.

"Tr..Trix...Trixie!" He cried. "...Trixiiiiie!"

But soon, after multiple tries, he did hear something. It was a loud sound like someone bursting through a wall followed by a voice.

"Jon!?" A voice said. He looked up but it wasn't Trixie. "JON! By all that is...what happened to you!"

He now saw that, towards the back of the throne room, the doors to the hallway had swung open and a group of seven ponies had now entered the throne room. At the forefront of the pack was Celestia who was being accompanied by six smaller ponies each with a piece of jewelry around them. Two Unicorns, two Earth Ponies, and two Pegasi.

Jon even recognized a few of them as ponies he had on his show, but the other three were complete strangers. They each were now staring at him with shocked faces.

"Princess!" One of the ponies who Jon recognized as Twilight Sparkle said. "Are...are we too late!?"

"No, my faithful student, we are not." Celestia said as they galloped over to him. "Girls we need to make sure he's alright! Somepony get the Castle medic, we need to get him over to the--"

"NO! FORGET ME!" Jon yelled at them as he waved his hand dismissively. "Trixie...get Trixie first!" Using the same hand Jon pointed excessively over to the side of the room where Trixie was. One of the ponies in the group, a yellow Pegasus, saw her and shrieked as a result. She barely looked to be alive.

"Is that...Trixie?" A white unicorn with purple hair said.

"What the hay is she doing here?" Said the only flying pony who Jon remembered as Rainbow Dash. "I thought she--"

"NEVERMIND THAT!" Jon yelled as he slowly started to fade away. "Trixie...please...help...Tri...Trix..ie..." And with that Jon slumped over and his head fell to the ground. He could no longer keep himself going.

"JON!" Everyone in the room said as they scrambled to help.

Episode 14 [Queen Chrysalis]: Here it is your moment of zen

Beep, beep, beep.

This was the sound that got Jon to awake from his deep sleep; it stayed in constant rhythm and sounded mechanical in nature.

Beep, beep, beep.

After regaining consciousness, his eyes dilated and adjusted to a bright light that was hanging overhead. Even before he was able to see properly, he already knew where he was just by using his nose. It would seem that, even in faraway land in an entirely different world, it was easy to identify the smell of medical supplies.

Cotton balls, sanitizer, elastic gloves, fresh linens. Jon could tell that he was in a hospital, or at least in another similar institute, just by the scent of these alone. In addition, he also heard a conversation that was going on just a few feet away.

"...but will he be alright?" A tender voice, that Jon recognized, said. He shifted his head to the side to try and see who was talking, but a thin curtain separated him from the two subjects.

"Indeed your Majesty, he should be fine." Another voiced answered. She, obviously, being some kind of physician. "We had some complications at first, but it was nothing good ol' fashioned Unicorn magic couldn't fix. Still, he has been through a lot today, so I suggest he stay in a few more days for further analysis…just to be safe."

The person talking was right. Despite the entire ordeal Jon was now completely healed. Granted, he felt sore all over, but he now could move freely without resistance and it no longer felt as if his chest had caved in. To further test his new durability, Jon looked under the covers at where he had been stabbed by Chrysalis. Not only was the wound gone, but there was no longer any sign of it ever being there. Not even a scar.

Knowing that he was okay made Jon lean back in his bed. The room he currently occupied was somewhat cramped with only a few pictures on the wall and a TV in the corner of the ceiling as entertainment. The walls were light blue with black and white tiles on the floor. Jon would have gotten up but he was in no condition, or mood, to do anything else but continue eavesdropping on the conversation that was still going on from behind the curtain.

"And what of the other one?" The calm voiced asked.

"I won't lie to you princess...you're Unicorn friend isn't doing very well." The Doctor said. "It was touch and go for a second and I'm still not sure if she'll make it. We tried everything but she didn't respond to any of our best treatments...We are unsure if she'll ever get up...for now all we can do is make her as comfortable as possible."

"Very well then...but tell me...is Jon conscious?” Celestia asked. "I would like very much to speak with him."

"Last I checked he was still asleep and I would like to keep it that way." The doctor said in a stern voice. "Right now the best thing for him is to get plenty of rest...I'm afraid I must insist that you wait to talk to him at a later time."

"I understand." Celestia sighed. "Please let me know when he wakes up."

"Of course, princess. I'll make sure to bring you hourly reports on both of their statuses and alert you the second it's alright for him to be questioned." The doctor assured her. "Now, unless there's anything else you need, I must ask that we go now. I have other patients to attend to."

"I see...carry on then," Celestia responded. "If you need to get a hold of me I'll be in the town square."

The two left the room and turned off the lights on the way out. They could be heard talking down the hallway, but their voices were muffled by the sound of armor-clad guards following them. Unbeknownst to Jon she was on her way to address her people on the situation at hand and tell them that everyone was, for the most part, alright and that the state was safe from any forms of evil.

Jon would have called out to her before she left or even during her exchange with the other pony but he was too fixated on something the doctor said.

"Not sure if she'll make it."

This made Jon tremble in his bed while his stomach felt as if someone had reached in and turned it inside out. He also recalled her saying something along the lines of keeping her comfortable which was doctor speak for "She's going to die."

Again he heard the noise.

Beep, beep, beep.

This time he could hear exactly where it was coming from. He listened and could tell that it was coming from his right. With a heavy heart he slowly turned his sore body onto its back to face the ceiling. He didn't know what to expect but he knew it wasn't good. Slowly he turned his head to his right and when he did he immediately regretted it.

"Oh god." Jon said with disgust. He was now looking at a broken Trixie lying in a hospital bed. She was bandaged up to the point where it was almost impossible to recognize her were it not for her visible face. She was hooked up to at least three different machines, each of which were doing a specific action to keep her alive to a chorus of winding gears and beeping sounds.

She had tubes running up her nose and a plastic tube attached to her arms which hung to the side. She looked more artificial than an actual pony.

"Trixie...no." Jon groaned, his voice never getting too loud.

But she didn't answer back. Instead her machines did all the talking.

Beep, beep, beep.

"Trixie?" Jon called out again. "Can you hear me?" When she didn't answer again Jon tried to reach out to her but he was too far away. With all of his strength Jon hoisted himself up to sitting position and again tried to reach over. He walked his fingers over the nightstand that separated the two of them and got close, but he was still too far.

By accident, he knocked over the remote control to the television onto the floor. It landed face down and as a result turned the TV on. When he tried to bend over and pick it up, he got light headed and defeated, so he flung himself back on his bed as the humming of the medical machines and the now operational TV filled the air.

Whenever he tried to glance back in her direction, his body recoiled and he forced himself to look away. Jon hated to see her like this...especially since he blamed himself for her getting hurt.

"Trixie." Jon said as he held back waves of bile. "Trixie, this is all my fault...please forgive me."

It was now clear to him that she was in no position to say anything which made a guilt ridden Jon throw his head back onto his pillow. How he wished things could be different. He began to wonder what might have happened if he and Trixie never met...maybe she'd be safe right now or maybe Jon would be the one in her condition. Either way, he just wished that none of this had ever happened.

As his mind wandered, he began to think of more "What ifs" when, at that very moment, his train of thought was shattered by a familiar voice breaking the silence.

"...there is nothing the Great and Powerful Trixie cannot do."

As if there were spring loaded hinges in his body, Jon shot up back to a sitting position so fast he experienced another head rush.

"Trixie!?" He exclaimed. To his dismay, Trixie was still unresponsive, but unlike before, the room was no longer silent. She wasn't talking, but he could clearly hear her voice...and most perplexingly of all, his own as well. His eyes followed the source of the noise to the TV which he had unintentionally turned on.

It was set to Comedy Central, most likely at the behest of the previous patient in this room, and was in the middle of Jon's own show which had gone on without him. Something which he found understandable since the "show must go on" mentality was strong with his staff and crew. Though nothing could have prepared him for what on screen

"No, you can't."

"Yes I can! Why I could even do a better job of hosting this show than you."

"Oh, you think ya bettah than me!? You think you’re that good?"

"Oh please, Stewart, your so called comedy is no difficult feat. Anypony could do it; observe."

At first Jon couldn't understand how he could be on TV right now interviewing Trixie when both of them were here in this room. But then it all came back to him soon enough and he remembered how he came about meeting Trixie in the first place.

A few months ago, she had forced herself into Jon's home and demanded that he have her on his show as his next guest. Jon's detest for her at the time resulted in her being tricked into being interviewed off camera as a backup interview in case they ever needed to fall back on something as an emergency

Later when it was revealed that Trixie's coming to the human world was illegal, and that she couldn't get back home, Jon agreed to not show her segment to the public for fear that she might get in trouble with Celestia. And that was the beginning of Trixie living with him and his family. However, all that changed since it would seem that, in his absence, the Daily Show operators used the interview for its intended purpose.

With Jon unavailable and an entire rest of the show left, the Daily Show was now officially airing the interview between Jon Stewart and Trixie for the entire world to see.

Jon found little comfort in this so he once again threw himself back this time slamming his hands across his face. Hearing her voice, but not actually being able to communicate with her was frustrating so he made plans in his head to turn the TV off and maybe try and call Celestia to get up to speed.

His plans changed the moment a voice called out.

"How do I look?" A voice asked. Jon once again found himself startled. He was trying not to get too excited like before, so he shifted to his side and looked over at Trixie who was still lying down in her bed. He waited to see if his suspicions were true and, after a few seconds had passed, he got his conformation. "On the TV...how do I look?"

When her mouth moved, he almost jumped up from his bed, but his sore body begged him to stay put. Trying his best to relax, he took a deep breathe of relief. Just knowing that she was still alive made him feel like he could finally smile again.

"You look great." Jon answered with a weak smile and an even weaker tone of voice. "The guys in the back really did a good job on your hair." There was a pause before someone starting talking again.

"I'm guessing the princess knows about...well you know." She said.

"Yeah. I would imagine." He answered, "Though I don't think you'll get in any trouble at this point."

"What the Great and Pow....what I mean is my parents left me at an orphanage when I was but a mere filly. According to those who worked there I looked to be only a year old."

"I'm...so sorry to hear."

"It wasn't all bad. It was because of dear old mommy and daddy leaving me there that I discovered my special talent."

"Your special talent?"

"Yes, as you can see by my cutie mark Trixie was born to be a magician."

A special kind silence fell over the room at the two watched themselves talk to each other on Television while making small talk with each other. It was a surreal moment that Jon had no choice but to break.

"Trixie...why the hell are you here?" Jon said.

"What kind of question is that?" She asked. "I'm hurt...last I checked injured ponies go to the hospital."

"You know what I mean." He added. "Only Chrysalis was supposed to get teleported...you coming with her wasn't part of the plan."

"I know." She said.

"So then what are you doing here...in Equestria?" Jon reiterated.

"Hey, glass houses." She said with a laugh, “I could ask you the same thing.” Jon found little humor in any of this but nevertheless she had a point.

"I'm here because I was in range of the spell." He answered. "Stephen was in trouble and well...I was just trying to help a friend."

"What a coincidence." Trixie chimed. "That's exactly why I'm here too."

Looking over Jon could now see that she was smiling as if she knew something that he didn't.

"I don't...I don't understand." Jon said. Before explaining herself Trixie took a long deep breath like she was getting ready to dive underwater.

"Ok...remember the spell I said I could do?" She asked. "Well as it turns out, like always, I messed it up."

"W-what do you mean?" He said.

"Setting up the spell was easier than I thought. The hardest part proved to be actually stabilizing enough magic to get it to work." She explained. "I thought I had focused enough magic to get the job done but...but I was short something like…less than ten percent of what was needed."

"So what...what did you do?" Jon asked.

"What else could I do?" She retorted. "I didn't have enough time to try and stabilize more magic to I just fed the circle a constant stream of magic directly from my horn." Even with his only amateur understanding of magic, Jon knew what that meant.

"And since you were in direct contact with the spell." Jon surmised. "That means you--"

"That means when the spell activated, anypony in or touching the spell was affected by it...including me" She interrupted. "When the Great...and Powerful Trixie says she'll do a spell she means it."

"Trixie...for god sake!" Jon said. "You...I mean you could have...just look at you!"

"Oh this...I'm ok." She said in a forced, dismissive tone. Her voice weak like Jon's. "I've experienced worse when rough housing with your kids."

"Dammit Trixie, this is serious." Jon said. "You didn't have to...Trixie, that attack wasn't meant for you...it was meant for me...I should be the one over there not you."

The forced smile that she tried to maintain faded as things began to turn to a more serious tone.

"I know." She said.

"So why'd you do it?" Jon asked trying to not sound angry. "For the love of god you...Trixie, you could've been killed."

Against her best efforts Trixie began to cry. She hated crying ever since she was a little kid. When she lived at the orphanage, she learned to not show such emotions since it was largely pointless. With so many orphans and not enough workers, she had to just wait her turn for attention rather than crying for it.

It was during her earlier years that she learned to only rely on herself instead of others, but for Jon it was different. The attention she never received from her parents had long been something she craved for. As a performer, even the most sold out theater filled with ponies applauding her magical talents paled in comparison to the love and acceptance she received from Jon, which is why she was willing to risk anything, even her own life for him.

"...I...I just didn't want to see you get hurt." She finally answered as she struggled to hold back the tears that were already streaming down her face, "You would’ve done the same for me."

She was right and Jon knew she was. Jon waited for Trixie to stop crying before trying to talk to her again. Her wails of sadness were barely audible since the machines in the room were louder than she was and her voice was weak from having been through the worst ordeal of her life.

"Trixie." Jon said.

"Jon…I'm...I'm sorry if I was ever mean to you." She said.

"No Trixie, it's okay." Jon said as tears began to blur his vision. "It never bothered me."

"I just want you to know that in case I don't--" She said before getting cut off.

"Don't...don't talk like that!" Jon interrupted in a desperate tone, "It's fine, it's fine, you're going to be fine...afterwards when you're all healed up, I'm taking you back home and everything is going back to the way they were!"

At this point Jon would have said anything, regardless of conflicting factors to comfort Trixie. She hadn't moved a single inch of her body since she was in constant pain and could hardly breathe on her own, let alone move. Yet, for this next question, she slowly turned her head to face Jon and look at him eye to eye.

"Did we do it?" She asked. "Did we win?"

Looking away for just a moment Jon glanced back at the TV which was just finishing up the last minute of their interview.

"Listen we’re out of time but would you mind staying for about five minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web?"

"You...you want me to stay...I mean the Great and Powerful Trixie could spare a minute or two. It would be a crime to deprive the masses of more Trixie."

"Thanks again for being here tonight. The Great and Powerful Trixie everyone! We'll be right back!"

"Yeah...we won, Trixie." He said as he leaned over his bed and tapped his closed fist against her open hoof. "We won."

Episode 15 [Luna]: The aftermath

Episode 15 [Luna]: The aftermath

When it came to making tough decisions, Jon was usually good at making logical choices, but even he had a hard time deciding whether or not he should head back home or stay in Equestria a little bit longer.

It had been only a few hours since Queen Chrysalis attacked him in his own office and, thanks to the help of his friends and the intervention of a mysterious Alicorn, he managed to survive. His wanting to know who that pony was that saved him was almost reason enough for him to stay, but at the same time, he needed to get back home to continue his show and to be with his family whom he had just risked his life to save.

In the end, he stayed in his hospital bed, located in Canterlot castle, a little bit longer at the behest of the pony nurse that was treating him. Even though his injuries had been remedied through healing magic, the attendant that was responsible for monitoring his condition insisted that he stay put. This was alright for Jon, partly because he wanted to know how he managed to survive his encounter with Queen Chrysalis, but also because he wanted to be with another member of his family, Trixie.

For the most part, Jon just found himself sleeping since the incident, but when he was awake, his body ached all over from the injuries to the point where the mere act of standing up turned into an arduous task. It’s for this reason that many wanted him to stay in Equestria.

Trixie on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. She was still hooked up to an unpleasant amount of machines, each of which were helping her stay alive. The only time the two spoke to each other was when they first arrived and she had willed herself conscious for a brief moment. At the present time, Jon was wide awake, but Trixie was still asleep, which was a good thing according to the doctors, but he hated to see her looking so vulnerable.

“You didn’t deserve this,” Jon said out loud.

Usually a doctor would show up every hour to check up on Jon and, on some occasions, scold him for trying to get out of bed, but since he had a good twenty minutes before her next inspection, he tried to see if he could manage standing his ground. He may have been healed, but his body felt like hell.

Slowly, he moved to a sitting position on the edge of his bed which was large yet, at the same time, low to the ground. With a deep breath, he hoisted himself up to a standing position, the cold ground felt uncomfortable on his exposed feet.

Because the medical team at Canterlot castle had no gowns that could even remotely fit him, they opted to leave his boxers on for the time being. This meant that with him now out from under his covers, he was freezing, but that didn’t concern him; he just wanted to be close to his friend. Still determined to move forward with his plan, he grabbed his blanket and draped it around him.

There was a chair just beside Trixie’s bed, but it was on the other side of the room. Their beds were already far apart as it is, so he forced himself to walk all the way around to her side. Every other step he took made him feel like his leg would give out at any moment, so he constantly had one hand against the bed frame to keep himself upright.

His incredibly sore body begged him to lay back down, but just like with the nurse, he ignored it and continued on his path. Eventually, he made it to his chair when his attention was seized by the sound of the door to the room opening and closing.

“Perfect... Just perfect.” Jon thought. He was fully prepared to get an earful from the nurse, but to his relief, it wasn’t a medical personnel coming early to check up on him, but rather another good friend of his. From behind the curtains that surrounded the beds emerged Celestia being escorted by two guards and no one else. She didn’t share Jon’s relieved look.

“Jon.” She began, “I...” Words escaped her as she quietly looked at the ground.

“Oh hey Celestia, it’s just you. For a second there, I thought you were that nurse again.” Jon sighed as he sat down in the chair. Much how one would expect from someone who was recovering from major injuries, he slowly lowered himself on the chair as delicately as possible. “Did you know the doctors here serve Jello as hospital food? You do know what that stuff’s made of, right?”

“Jon, I’m... I’m so sorry all of this happened to you... truly I am.” She finally uttered, “This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t foolishly brought Chrysalis into your world.”

At present, Jon was in no mood to be playing the blame game. He wanted to tell her not to beat herself up over this, but from the looks of it, she wasn’t even close to feeling better about what had happened.

“I can’t imagine the pain that I’ve caused here,” She went on, “So... if you have anything you want to say to me... please don’t hesitate.”

Celestia braced herself for an onslaught of yelling at her expense. Maybe some profane comments directed solely at her, but to her surprise, Jon only had one thing on his mind at the moment.

“Is she going to be alright?” Jon asked as she gently stroked Trixie’s Mane with his left hand.

A silence fell over the room, lasting for a good ten seconds. She was shocked to see that Jon wasn’t mad at her, or for that matter, that his first question regarding everything that had taken place would be about Trixie rather than his own well being. Even after knowing him this long, Celestia greatly underestimated Jon’s caring nature.

“For now... yes.” She answered, “The doctors say that she’ll most likely make a full recovery... we’re just keeping her for now to conduct some more tests.”

“And my family?” Jon continued, “Are they safe from Chrysalis.”

“Since the attack... I’m... I’m sorry to say that she has escaped us once again... but we are doing everything in our power to find her... I also used my magic to analyze your world for any hint of magic or creatures from our world being present,” Celestia explained, “And I found nothing... they are safe and I have made sure that no pony... no matter how strong, can get to your world without my permission."

Hearing all this caused Jon to slowly throw his head back in relief. He took a deep breath and expelled it upwards to the sky imitating a volcano. He stayed in this position without moving except for when he slowly moved his arm to the side to delicately grab ahold of Trixie’s hoof.

While the situation seemed to be better than expected, Jon was hesitant to write this off as a job well done. When Chrysalis first invaded his show, his first priority was getting her back to Equestria and out of his own world, and while that did happen, there was also another priority he had established early on... which was making sure that none of his loved ones got hurt.

For a brief moment, it seriously looked as if both he and Trixie would have died at the hooves of Queen Chrysalis. The only reason they both weren’t left for dead was because, at the last second, they were saved by a mysterious Alicorn.

Since Jon’s awakening from his ordeal, he had replayed the events of the last 24 hours in his head over and over again. He thought about what went wrong, what he could have done differently, and what sacrifices needed to be made in the process. All of it would have been for not had that Alicorn not intervened... it was a thought that regularly went through Jon’s head.

“While you were unconscious... I’ve had my finest officers look into the matter of... what happened.” Celestia continued with Jon still staring at the ceiling, “I’ve been briefed constantly on their findings, and I now have a clear understanding of the situation. I’m sure you’re still trying to process all of this, so... if there is there anything else you wish to know... now would be the time to ask before I am called away.”

Slowly Jon lowered his gaze back to her direction.

“Actually, there is one thing... at one point during the attack, Chrysalis had me pinned down, and she almost blew my head off.” Jon said, his description making Celestia wince with pain, “But before she could... I was saved... by an Alicorn that looked a lot like you... except she was dark and she spoke like she had a megaphone stuck in her throat.”

His facetious attitude for what was going on and his humorous slant on the description of his savior caused Celestia to chuckle for a brief second.

“Who... who was that?” He asked.

“That would be Princess Luna.” She answered, “...my dearest sister.”

“You have a sister?” Jon asked.

“Indeed I do... while I was away, she occupied the castle, and well... according to her, she felt like something was wrong so she investigated.” She explained, “And that’s when she found you.”

“She... she saved my life.” Jon acknowledged.

“Yes, that certainly seems to be the case.” Celestia said.

This was definitely a first for Jon. In his life, he’s experienced many things: love, loss, mid-life crisis, but never had he been through a near death experience. He was still trying to make sense of it all.

There were still some issues left to be resolved, but for the time being, Jon was perfectly content with the information provided for him up until then. So much so that he slumped in his chair with a face that looked like it had never experienced sleep.

“Jon... again I am sorry for this.” Celestia reiterated, “If there’s... anything I can do to help... and I mean any--”

The sound of the door opening caused both her and Jon to look off to the side. Emerging from around the corner was the nurse that had been attending to both him and Trixie. She made her way up to Celestia while weaving in and out of the guards that accompanied her.

“Your majesty... you’re wanted down stairs.” She urged while at the same time noticing that Jon was out of his bed. She gave him a disappointed look before she continued to explain herself. “There’s... some issues that need your attention.”

“I see... In that case, I’m afraid we’ll have to pick up on our debriefing at a later date.” She said to Jon as she turned to leave. Before exiting the room, she leaned in to whisper something in the nurse’s ear. “Do go easy on him.”

Both Celestia and her entourage of guards disappeared behind the curtains leaving Jon alone with the nurse who was glaring at him angrily for once again disobeying her orders.

“Soooo...” Jon cooed with an innocent face as the nurse walked up to him, “Has the ship sailed on that sponge-bath I requested?” Unlike college, his brother’s wedding, and that one time he got pulled over by a state trooper on the New Jersey turnpike, this was one situation he couldn’t joke his way out of.

“I thought I told you to stay in bed!” The nurse scolded as she manually hoisted Jon out of his seat, “You’ll have all the time in the world to be up and about once we know for sure that you’re safe.”

Jon tried his best to fight the doctor’s forceful shoving, but in his current state, he was too weak to put up much of a resistance. The only thing keeping Jon even remotely anchored to his present location was his refusal to let go of Trixie. Eventually, the nurse’s pushing and shoving in the opposite direction caused Jon’s hand to slowly lose grip of Trixie’s hoof.

“C’mon doc!” He begged, “I feel fine!”

“I’m sorry? Did you go to Equestrian medical school?” She asked while pushing him back in his own bed, “Didn’t think so! Now stay put or I’ll be forced to relocate you to another room!”

After reluctantly agreeing, Jon slid back under his covers while simultaneously making plans to disobey her once again.

“I realize you seem fine now, but we’re still waiting on some other tests to get back.” She explained. “Not to mention that if you don’t take it easy right now, there is a good chance that you’ll suffer from...”

As the nurse began to lecture Jon on the dangers of not getting enough rest after an ordeal like his, he looked to the side, unable to stop staring at Trixie who was still sleeping and partly connected to the wall. She still appeared to be in a horrible condition, and he hated how he couldn’t help her.

The sound of the nurse’s lecture to him just sounded like white noise with the only thing audible to him being the sound of the machines keeping Trixie alive, working in rhythm with his own heartbeat. If he had his way, he’d walk over to her, hold her tight, and never let go.

The doctor noticed that his attention was no longer on her so, to help, she closed the curtain between the two patients.

“Now then,” She said, “I advise you to stay in bed from here on out... You may be the Princess’ friend, but for now, you’re my patient.” and with that, the nurse left Jon’s field of vision and exited the room with an audible thud of the door closing. Jon barely waited a few seconds before throwing the covers off of him and swinging his legs to a sitting position on the edge of his bed.

Before getting up, however, the sound of the door opening caught his attention.

“Damn.” Jon moaned, but rather than the nurse once again catching him in the act, he heard a very familiar gentle voice.

“Oh... and Jon... one more thing. I realize that all of this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t offered you my services to begin with.” Celestia explained from behind the curtain, “So... if you want... I’d... I’d understand if, after this, you never want to see us again.”

After that, the room fell silent with no one saying anything. The only sound that followed was the door closing as Celestia left the room leaving Jon alone once more.

Episode 15 [Luna]: You shall not pass

It had been almost an entire length of his show since Celestia left Jon alone in his room after having dropped the major bombshell that was her proposal. Since then, he hadn’t moved from his sitting position on the side of his bed. He was too surprised by the option that was given to him.

“Never want to see us again.”

Jon knew that Celestia felt guilty, maybe even responsible for what happened, but to suggest that he might want to consider severing all ties to Equestria was an extreme he had never considered. What scared Jon was the thought that he’d never get to see his friends in Equestria ever again, but what scared him even more than that was the fact that, for a fraction of a second, he actually considered it.

“No.” Jon murmured, as he stood on his feet. “To hell with that.” There was still some business he needed to take care of here in Equestria before he could even think about going back home, and even then, he sure wasn’t going to stop coming back.

Not unlike a zombie, Jon shuffled his way across the room where his clothes had been neatly folded on a chair in the corner. His next goal was to do some exploring around the castle and he sure as hell wasn’t going to do so half naked.

When he unfurled his shirt, the first thing he noticed was the gaping hole off to the side where Chrysalis had gored him. He paused to stare at it for a moment, unable to tear his eyes away from it. Mostly because of the ring of blood around it, still a shade of bright red, and also becuase, had she aimed a few inches higher, she might’ve gotten him right in the heart.

It was a surreal thought that made him pause for moment before looking over at Trixie who was still sleeping in her bed. The mere idea that they were both alive was nothing short of a miracle, which is why Jon needed to leave his room for a bit.

“I’ll be back, Trixie.” Jon said as he began to get dressed. “I just need to see someone.” After giving his friend a quick peck on the forehead, Jon made his way to the door which was located on the other end of the room, all the while wondering if this soreness would ever wear off or if he’d actually need a cane.

When he rounded the corner of his bed to get to the door, he noticed something he hadn’t previously because of the bedside curtains that surrounded him, blocking his view. Standing there in front of the door to rest of the castle were two royal guards, each brandishing a large spear and matching armor. They were both white and, by the looks of it, in good enough shape to be classified as chiseled stallions.

“Of course.” Jon sighed. “Otherwise, it’d be too easy.”

Although guards in Canterlot castle were trained to look straight ahead in concentration, these two, for some reason, had their sights firmly on Jon as he approached them.

“Hey guys.” He announced. “Listen, I need to run a quick errand so, could you guys let me through?”

“Sorry, sir, but we’re not authorized to let you leave.” One guard claimed.

“Our orders were to make sure that nopony other than royalty or a medical professional is allowed in or out of this room.” The other one added.

“Oh well then we're in luck cause as it just so happens I’m actually the Prince of Manhattan and I have a medical degree from the university of Coney Island.” Jon boasted. Neither guard was even remotely amused.

Jon stood there waiting for a laugh that never came; this was another scenario where he couldn’t joke his way out of.

“Look fellas, I respect what you’re trying to do... really I am.” He insisted. “My old man did some security jobs here and there back in the day, so I know how it works... but come on, can’t you help a guy out? I promise I won’t get into any trouble.”

“It’s not you getting in trouble that we’re worried about.” One guard sneered. “We’re were given strict orders to make sure you stay in bed.”

“Besides... after what happened last time, you’ll forgive if we don’t exactly... trust you.” Nagged the other guard, much to Jon’s bewilderment.

"Last time?" Jon asked. “Have we met?”

“I’m sure you don’t remember us, but the when last we met you were here in Canterlot... you and your wife gave me and my partner here quite the runabout.” Explained one guard. For Jon, most ponies were indistinguishable from each other besides their color pallets. Royal guards in particular were, at least to Jon, a serious case of “Control C/Control V.” But like a properly thrown boomerang, it all came back to him.

“Ooooooh right.” Jon moaned, having now remembered the last time he visited Equestria with his wife on a dinner date. “Flint and Tinder... Hey guys, good to see ya again.”

But they said nothing.

“Okay, I get it, you’re mad at me... but listen... what happened before was stupid.” Jon admitted. “It was wrong for me to do what I did, and for that... I apologize.”

The two once again said nothing. They only stared at him with slanted eyes.

“Look, you don’t understand I need... I just need to go somewhere real quick.” Jon pleaded. “I promise I won’t take long... no one needs to know I left... please... I beg you."

For the first time since their conversation, both Flint and Tinder made a motion in the form of them sharing a glance at each other then back at Jon.

“While we appreciate your apology, I’m afraid official orders are still our number one priority.” Flint said. “We are to let nopony in... or out.”

“Do not think we do this out of pettiness.” Tinder added. “Believe it or not, we only want what’s best for you... which is for you to be here under our supervision.”

On any other day, Jon would have admired their wanting to keep him safe, but in this case, he found their actions to be most infuriating. With a heavy sigh that showed his teeth, Jon took a step back and kneeled down on one knee to match eye levels with his two obstructing friends.

“I... am so fucking sick... of people trying to get me to do things that are ‘for my own good.’” Jon said, his expression as straight faced as the two guards’. “First, that damn nurse wants me to stay in bed. Then, Celestia suggests that I might want to consider staying in my world, and now the pony versions of Laurel and Hardy want me to stay in this room... no ...no way!”

“Mr. Stewart, please.” Flint urged. “You don’t understand, we just--”

“Let me give you a little walkthrough on what it’s been like for me lately... I’ve had to endure many things in my life, but none of it compares to last night.” He continued as he raised his fingers to do a count-off. “In the past 24 hours, I’ve been beaten, skewered, tortured, and trampled over by a creature... a creature who I had to watch as she attacked me in my own studio, threatened my family, assaulted my co-worker, tried to kill my best friend, and came this close ending the life of my best Pony friend who might not even make... so no... You guys are the ones that don’t understand... I have something I need to do... and the first step in doing so is to leave this room.”

Even for patrol officers, who don’t usually see much disorderly conduct, Flint and Tinder have had their fair share of experiences where they were in danger. Between the two of them, nothing even came close to what Jon went through, and because they themselves had no idea how they’d react in a similar situation, they opted to stay quiet as he continued addressing them.

“So... here is what’s going to happen.” Jon added. “I’m going to get up, and walk forward, whereupon you two are going to step to the side and let me pass, and if you don’t, then I’ll force my way through... and before you think you can stop me, just know this... I didn’t even hesitate for a second about going one-on-one with Chrysalis... so I sure as hell wouldn't think twice about you two.”

After saying all that he needed to say, Jon slowly got up on two legs and stared down at the two guardsman in front of him. Never once did their stern expressions waiver or change during Jon’s speech which made Jon do the same to match their level of intensity.

The three of them said nothing afterwards and just continued to glare at each other like opponents in an old spaghetti western. The first to make a move was Jon as he slowly proceed towards the door.

He limped step by step, but nothing changed. Flint and Tinder were steadfast in their refusal to move making Jon suspect that he might have to force his way through like he had promised. It was only till he got a few inches away from them did they finally react to his advances.

Jon was all but certain that they would try to subdue him or, at the very least, use their massive spears to threaten Jon back to bed. As always, their training made it so it was impossible to tell how they felt by simply looking at their faces, but to his surprise, they both showed their true colors by simultaneously extending their legs to either their left or right and, in one fluent motion, stepped to the side to give Jon a clear path to the door.

This act of understanding on their part surprised Jon in such a way that he momentarily stopped in his tracks. This only lasted a few seconds however since he immediately continued out the door and into an empty hallway.

“Thank you.” Jon whispered before closing the door behind him.

Episode 15 [Luna]: Going up

One thing that Jon always noted about buildings in Equestria is they were very close together and claustrophobic, something he was used to since he lived in New York. He always just assumed it was because ponies were so much smaller than he was, so it just looked compact to him, but as he walked down one of the many hallways of Canterlot castle, he now found himself having to call that into question. The interior he currently occupied was very spacious in terms of height. Unknown to Jon at the time, this design was quite common in state buildings to let Pegasi fly during rush hours.

Luckily enough for him, and despite the maximum amount of space, there wasn’t a soul in sight, so he didn’t have to worry about getting caught. Though that didn’t stop him from looking around constantly to make sure he didn’t get flanked. He thought for sure that, if he was spotted, he’d be sent back to his room, so he didn’t want to take any chances. It was for this reason why he didn’t seek out anyone for help in getting where he wanted to go. He may not have known exactly where he was going, but he wasn’t lost either, strictly speaking. If Canterlot Castle was anything like in the stories he read to his children and were read to him by his mother when he was a kid, the place he was looking for was at the highest point in the castle.

The hallway he currently struggled to maneuver through was brilliantly laid out by keen architectural eyes. The cold, hard ground was made more inviting by a red and golden carpet that seemed to have no end. The walls were bright white with many hoof-painted portraits decorating it’s face which couldn’t be seen at night because a small curtain would cover them. The right side of the walls had none of these pictures or indeed any kind of fixtures or doors, only a liberal amount of windows that, at most times, bathed the area in natural sunlight. Along the walls of the castle, underneath the portraits were many chairs and benches that looked inviting

Jon barely noticed any of these things, nor did he have any use for them. All he did was concentrate on finding his way to his objective location. He powered through each step while his body constantly reminded him of his own fragility.

Eventually, Jon made it towards the end of the hallways into a new section of the castle. Ahead of him was another stretch of hallways almost identical to the one he just left while, to his right, he saw an open area that resembled a ballroom. It was large and round with many statues decorating the borders. From where he stood, he saw that in between each statue was a entrance to another part of a castle, like a track switch on a railroad depot. For all he knew, each door could have lead to any number of locations, from a pantry to an old broom closet, but that’s not what Jon had his eye on the most.

In the very center of this new room was a set of stairs that split into two equal parts, only to meet up again and lead downwards to a lower level of the castle. There were two other intertwining staircases that did the same, but instead went upwards to a higher level.

“Bingo.” Jon muttered under his breath. With only slightly confident steps, he began to walk towards the elegant staircase while taking deep breaths. At the point where he got close enough to where he could see his reflection off its shiny exterior, he heard a pair of voices.

“Shit!” Thought Stewart as he tried to identify where they were coming from. Unfortunately for him, due to the geometry of the room, the voices were being bounced off the walls making it impossible to know exactly where it was coming from. The best he could do under the circumstances was crouch down behind the staircase and hope that whoever was in the room didn’t see him.

Luck decided to give him a break in the form of two unicorns gabbing at one another on the other side of the staircase. They were so distracted with their gossiping that, even if they were on Jon’s side of the room, they probably wouldn't notice him.

“Did you hear about what happened?” The silver haired mare asked. “Chrysalis attacked that Human on TV, and almost killed him!”

“I know!” Declared a light blue and brown stallion. “But I also saw them carrying in a blue unicorn.”

“Oh yeah, I’m not sure who that was, but I hear she was staying with him back in his world.” She commented.

“No way!” He exclaimed

“I’m serious! She looked to be in pretty bad shape when they dragged her in.” She pointed out. “I heard that she might not make it.”

With clenched fists and pursed lips, Jon did everything he could not to say anything and give away his position. It wasn’t until the voices started to become less audible, as they walked down some adjacent hallway, did he make his move again. Flying around the front of the stairs, he began to ascend the stairway, hoping that he was going the right way.

When he looked over the railing towards the bottom levels, he could see some activity, usually just a servant or two doing their jobs. When he climbed higher, he could hear doors opening and more voices from the level he had just left. Almost as if they were just waiting for him to leave before appearing.

The stairway led Jon through a variety of different levels of the castle, and only every once in awhile did he find himself stopping or ducking behind the railing because there was someone in the area. The higher he climbed, the less this seemed to happen which, to Jon, meant he was heading in the right direction. Eventually, he reached as far the the staircase would permit him to, which was an area of the castle that looked vaguely familiar.

His legs were aching from his knees down to the balls of his feet, but he willed himself through the pain and into the new area. One thing that struck him about the new environment was the lack any guards. In fact, he now realized how odd it was that he hadn’t seen any aside from Flint and Tinder. This was because most, if not all, royal guards were out looking for Chrysalis in the statewide pony hunt.

Jon didn’t know this of course, but he was nevertheless grateful for the fact because it meant he could continue uninterrupted. This new location had two short corridors on either side of him and another stretch of hallway just ahead. Jon had no idea which way to go so, to help himself out, he leaned against a nearby wall to take a quick break.

His body was still aching, not just from the long hike up the stairs, but from the entire ordeal he had just went through. Going up against Queen Chrysalis and surviving was a miracle in itself, but he hated feeling so fragile. He never complained about it though, for all the pains and heartaches that he was dealing with, he knew he had it good compared to other people. The image of Trixie laying in her bed with tubes up her nose motivated Jon to hoist himself up and take stock.

“Alright!” Jon said aloud. “Where to go?”

At this point, it was almost a coin toss as to where he should navigate himself next, but when he turned around to get his bearings, he noticed something jutting out from up high. Just above the wall which he had used previously as a support was a sign which had different arrows pointing in different directions. One arrow pointed down and read “Stairway” while another one pointed ahead and read “Main throne room.” This pattern repeated revealing which new direction led to where.

“Oh.” Jon said. “That was... easy.”

He continued to read each plaque until he had the information he needed. Turning to his right, he began to advance as quickly as he could which, given his age and condition, meant that he was walking steadily.

The corridor was long and narrow, but even he could see the giant door at the end which looked to be made of only the finest material. Jon ignored the tasteful artwork that hung from the walls and the suits of armor that decorated the way. All he cared about was getting to that door, which he eventually did.

Jon was now standing in front of the massive entryway, and before knocking or trying to open it, his eyes were drawn to a symbol that was carved into both doors and painted in. When he looked at it, his suspicions that he had found his destination were now confirmed.

“A crescent moon.” Jon sighed. “This has to be the place.”

Episode 15 [Luna]: The dark colored princess

The sense of an overwhelming figure looming over oneself is exactly the feelings Jon would cast over the citizens of Equestria. Most of whom only came up to either his knees or hips, making him a veritable giant among ponies. Even their all important world leader, Celestia, was a few inches shorter than him so, whenever he walked their grounds, he very rarely felt small by comparison.

But as Jon stood in front of the door to Luna’s bedroom, a crushing feeling was taking a hold of him. This wasn’t because of the massive double doors to her chamber were almost twice the size of him (though it helped), but because he knew that on the other end of it was a very powerful Alicorn that was strong enough to go up against Queen Chrysalis and win. The last time he saw her was when she used her magic to save Jon and, for a brief moment, subdue the Changeling Queen. This was why he sought her out, yet at the same time, he felt nervous about addressing her. Even to someone like Jon who knew next to nothing about how magic works, he could tell that this creature was one of immense power.

This meant that, when Jon knocked on her door, he did so very hesitantly, almost as if he didn’t even want to. Realizing that such a weak attempt to get her attention would obviously yield no results, he did it again. Or at least he would have, had he not jumped back at the sound of someone calling out to him.

“THOU MAY ENTER!” A voice on the other side screamed as the door opened. His invitation was so loud, and carried so far, that Jon looked behind him to make sure no one else came rocketing around the corner to investigate. Once it was clear that no one else was on this level, Jon entered the room whereupon it closed behind him like a scene in a horror movie.

The interior of Luna’s room was both spacious, yet at the same time, somewhat cluttered. Maps were strewn all around the ground in neatly organized piles, and large bookshelves were against the far end of the wall with countless volumes of hoofwritten tomes. From one side of the room over, one could see desks and light sources which made it look more like an archive station rather than a bedroom.

The left side of the room was noticeably different. There was a large queen sized bed that had a removable curtain attached to it which could be used to block any light from coming in. It closely resembled a Disney Princess-bed that Jon’s own daughter wanted for her birthday, only this one was actually genuine. Next to the bed was a large and elegant wooden desk, complete with a mirror and hair maintenance accessories. Much like how the right side of the room was covered with maps and literature, this side was littered with cushions like there was an all out pillow-fight the night before.

While one side seemed to be industrial and dedicated to work and the other elegant and for recreational use, the room in its entirety was an oasis for fine art. Sculptures stood in seemingly random locations, paintings were either on the wall or still in the process of being completed, and there was even a glass case with the skeleton of an animal inside. But the most elegant form of artwork was the ceiling which had a painting of a constellation on it with paint that made itself visible no matter time of day it was.

All of these wonderfully preserved artifacts and unique room features were completely lost on Jon, since the room was so dark, he couldn’t even see the his own breath which was caused by the room being unsettlingly cold. There was a window straight ahead that offered a bit of light, but at this hour of the day, not enough to actually help. But most importantly of all, he couldn’t see who he was looking for.

“Hello?” Jon called sheepishly.

“Address thyself!” A voice from afar echoed. Before answering, Jon tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. He could not.

“Uh... J-Jon!” He blurted. “...Jon Stewart.”

The moment he said his own name, a pair of blue eyes revealed themselves from within the darkness. They were glowing so no pupils could be seen, but he could tell that they were looking directly at him.

“Jon Stewart?” The voice asked. The pair of eyes began to move forward and, as it did, the room began to illuminate itself, slowly revealing with it a lone figure.“We were not expecting anypony by that name.”

With the room having now been mysteriously lit up, Jon could see everything, including whoever it was that was addressing him. It was a dark blue Alicorn with a crescent cutie mark. He could now properly identify the levitating creature as the same one that had saved him the night before.

“Luna?” He said.

“Yes. We are Luna.” She said as she grounded herself.

Now having gotten a chance to get a better look at her guest, she gave him an expression like she’d been expecting him all along

“Aaaah yes, we now remember... thou beith the famous human from the other world.” She proclaimed as Jon slowly walked up to her. “Might we ask why thou hath--”

Before she could finish her inquiry, she was shocked to find Jon now having wrapped his arms around her. For a fraction of a second, it almost looked like he was attacking her, but it was soon evident that he was giving her a hug.

“Thank you.” He said. “Thank you... so very much.”

The dark colored princess didn’t respond. Not because she didn’t know what to say, but because she found herself in a situation she was unfamiliar with. The proper etiquette when addressing a member of the royal family was to let them speak first, only speak when spoken to, address them by title not by name, never interrupt them, and most of all, never ever touch them. Jon broke all these rules in a matter of seconds.

Were it anyone else, Luna would have berated them by now for their vulgar actions, but she knew all too well of he had gone through, and doing so would not look good for her, image wise.

“We don’t... uh, ’thank you’ for what?” She asked.

“You... saved us.” Jon sniffled in a hushed tone. “If you hadn’t shown up the way you did Trixie would have... I just... I can’t thank you enough for what you did.”

“Uh... there, there?” Luna said as she calmly used her free hoof to pat him on his back, like a mother trying to her baby to burp. “Tis quite alright... ‘twas nothing really.”

Upon hearing this Jon put his hands on her shoulders and bridged a gap between them to look into her once glowing eyes.

“No... it was not ‘nothing.’” He challenged. “You... you don’t understand... Trixie and I, we... we almost died... You’re a hero.”

Being regarded as a savior was definitely not something Luna was used to.

“We were just doing what anypony else would do.” She said sheepishly. “No praise is necessary.”

“No... you see, that’s not good enough!” Jon said as he walked around her and made his way across the room, in no particular direction. “What you did... it would’ve been so easy for... f-for anyone to not get involved, but what you did... I just... I seriously cannot thank you enough.”

“Does the nurse on duty know that thou is out of bed?” She asked as she watched Jon pace back and forth.

“Huh... oh yeah, yeah, yeah, she’s cool with it.” Jon lied, breaking yet another set of rules. Neither of them knew that the nurse in question was downstairs throwing a fit. “But that’s not important right now... what is... is making sure you are properly thanked... I want the entire world to know of your selfless actions.”

“And... how, pray tell, does thou wish to do such a feat?” Luna asked.

“The... the only way I know how.” Jon answered as she walked over to her window.

From this high up in the castle, Jon had a pretty clear view of Canterlot. But what caught his attention was a large gathering of trees positioned in a semicircle on the edge of a nearby forest. Inside it was a large stadium that Jon recognized as the venue that Octavia performed on when he first met her.

“Tell me, Luna.” Jon said now turning to his Alicorn savior. “Have you ever been on TV?”

Episode 15 [Luna]: Please welcome to the show Luna

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Princess Luna
Date: ???
Location: Canterlot Concert Hall
1758 48th Canterlot, EQ 81522

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The executive producers at Comedy Central were making more money than ever before with Jon’s series of Equestrian Interviews. Subsequently, this meant that they wanted to have more control over the program so they could manipulate when they saw fit. Unfortunately for them, since Jon was the only one allowed to speak with Celestia, their influence over the series was limited to spirited suggestions.

One suggestion was that Jon do an episode in Equestria to appeal to an entirely new market, much in the same way he went to Florida during the presidential race. Jon never did fully like this idea since he never had to perform in front of a pony audience before, something which would be well out of his element.

However, with Jon’s request to head back home denied by the castle doctors, and the fact that he had now performed in front of ponies, when he met with Fancy Pants, he felt that there would never be another golden opportunity like this to have an episode of the show take place in the world of talking animals. Especially since his guest was a Princess.

The biggest problem Jon ran into when setting up this special episode of the Daily Show wasn’t the idea itself, Celestia was all too thrilled to have an episode of her favorite program happen in her own backyard. What Jon had a hard time doing was convincing her to let his employees transverse planes of existences and into Canterlot.

Equestria was filled with a variety of talented young mares and colts, but not a lot of them were terribly proficient in the art of television. Even those who did knew a thing about broadcasting or how to handle stage props didn’t know the intricacies of the Daily Show. Plus, there were no Jews in Equestria, so comedy writers were also out of the question.

It was for all of these excellent reasons that Jon requested that his entire staff and crew be permitted to enter her domain. To his surprise, he was met with some opposition. Celestia didn’t particularly like the idea of that many humans entering her world, not because she had anything against them as a species, but because she, for the most part, only trusted Stewart. She was fine with letting him or his wife come over, but this seemed too excessive to her.

Giving up was not something Jon was comfortable with, so it only took a few complaints about his injuries and forced coughing fits to guilt trip Celestia into agreeing with him. In the end, the two of them (unlike the politicians that Jon routinely made fun of) decided to compromise and put together a staff of both ponies, a core group of Jon’s finest workers, and his own personal assistant. To their surprise, things went by swimmingly.

After the initial shock from the helper ponies and Jon’s staff meeting each other, both parties went straight to work on the set. Leading the charge on this project without a second thought was Jon’s assistant, Selina, who did so as if this was just another day at work.

The Canterlot Concert Hall was mainly used for musical performances, but after a few tweaks in it’s interior design, it soon became an ideal spot for an episode of the Daily Show. Usually getting a stage set up for their show in a new area took days, with something as little as lighting and prop placements taking hours, but with the combined help of ponies and humans, it became almost trivial.

Instead of having to painstakingly measure the right angles, then having to climb up the scaffolding and carefully install the lights, a human technician would just tell a pegasus were to go, whereupon he or she would just fly up there and just do it themselves.

Indeed, instead of having to physically lug around heavy set ornaments and backdrops, a human would instruct a group of unicorns to effortlessly levitate them to their proper locations.

Even Celestia got to help by offering to enchant Jon’s cameras so their signal could reach earth easily and without complications, something which he thought she was joking, but turned out be very much needed. The only one who didn’t have a hand in the development was Luna herself who took to staying in her room looking down on the concert hall like she would at tiny ants, waiting for her signal to join them. Which she would get during the third segment of Jon’s show.

What was once a quiet outdoor theater for classical music now more closely resembled a festival with a seemingly endless stretch of audience consisting of ponies both local and from far away cities. The promise of an episode of the Daily Show taking place in Equestria brought with it a turn out that surprised even Celestia.

A pegasus who was high above the stage had a camera strapped to it’s person and was in charge of getting a good view of the audience as it slowly flew to the stage to get a good shot of Jon on his desk waving and making hand gestures.

The sound of the audience stomping on the ground as the the show went live was both familiar and, at the same time, foreign to Jon. Obviously, he was no stranger to the sound of applause, but with the ponies stomping the ground as opposed to clapping hands, he got the feeling that he was in the middle of a stampede rather than a concert hall.

Jon may have been in a different world, performing in a different environment, for an entirely different species, but never did he feel out of place. Because the second that camera came into the correct viewpoint, he was in the zone.

“Hey, welcome back to our very special edition of the Daily Show! My guest tonight!” He yelled over the crowd. “She is one of the princesses of Canterlot, the sister of Celestia and the ruler of the night sky.”

“Yeah, that’s not creepy at all.” Jon commented after the video clip of his guest ended. “Please welcome to the Show, Princess Luna!”

While the crowd applauded and cheered, a Unicorn backstage used her horn to activate a searchlight overhead. She shined it skywards at Canterlot Castle, strategically on the bedroom window where Luna was perched like a hawk.

Before descending down to her spot, the guest of the hour stayed crouched and watched as the audience cheered for her come down. She could just barely hear them over the sound of an electric guitar playing over the speakers which was requested by Jon himself.

After some time had passed, Luna began to move. With a stretch of her wings, she lept from atop her balcony and flew down to the stage, first making it seem like she was going to dive bomb right into the middle of the audience, only to pull up mid-flight to make a beeline towards Jon.

Once she landed in the center of the stage, Jon greeted her with a professional hoof shake which caused the crowd to cheer even more. Slowly the sound of the rock music began to fade away in volume which was a sign for the audience to do the same. Eventually, it was quiet enough for Jon to speak which he did only after both he and Luna found their seats.

"Please, please take a seat...uh...Now before we begin let me remind you once more...you already have a microphone attached to you...if you yell now you'll kill us all." Jon joked as he sat down. “So...Thank you so much for, uh... f-for being here today.”

“It is our pleasure, Mr. Stewart.” Luna said, making sure to not use her full Canterlot voice. “Thine crew did a remarkable job with the music hall... we have seen this stadium countless times, but never like this.”

“Ah well, it was easy when you have interns.” Jon joked. “As you can see, I brought a lot of them with me... BUT THIS ISN’T AN INVASION!...I know...I know the last time a foreign group of creatures... came here, it didn’t end... uh, very well SO... just know, we come in peace.”

Luna didn't have a chance to comment on that since the crowd’s laughter came first. So when she saw an opening to speak, she decided to move on to something else.

“Nevertheless... we are still impressed by such a feat... though we must say... that was some very... interesting choice of music thou choseth to use for our entrance.” She added.

“Oh that? That was from... that was the guitar solo from... uh from, from, from one of Ozzy Osbourne’s hit singles.” Jon explained. He paused for a second to let that sink in for a moment before commenting. “It’s from one of his songs called...’Bark at the moon.’”

Even though most, if not all, of the pony audience in attendance had no idea who Ozzy Osbourne was, the intended joke was still obvious enough for them to understand the punchline.

“Ah... we see.” Luna grunted with a look on her face like she should have seen it coming. “The logical connection is now obvious.”

“Yeah we uh... we were trying to decide which song to use... and let me tell ya... we... we had a lot of options.” He joked as he pulled out a list of names from his pile of notes. “We also could have gone with...‘Moonlight in Vermont’ by Willie Nelson... uh...‘Honky Tonk Moon’ by Randy Travis, ’Fly Me to the Moon’ by Frank Sinatra but that would’ve been too obvious... Uh, we also could’ve gone with, “Howlin’ at the Moon” by Hank Williams, “It’s Only a Paper Moon” by Jim Reeves, “Slow Dancing with the Moon” by Dolly Parton, hell yeah... there was also--”

“Yes, yes, yes we understand!” Luna interrupted only to be cut off momentarily by the crowd cheering for more. “...Thou was doing so in jest... please move along.”

“Oh well... I... suppose I could...” Jon murmured as he nervously played with his notes. “...It’s just that I... I uh... I,I,I had another one.”

The audience giggled as Jon looked up at Luna big eyes like an animal begging for food.

“Very well.” She sighed. “Proceed.”

“OK! This one... by far was the best.” Jon insisted as he cleared his throat. “Are you ready... uh ‘‘Throwin’ Horseshoes at the Moon’ by Tom Russell.”

Before commenting, Luna waited patiently for the audience to stop laughing.

“All Joking aside... I am glad you uh, you agreed to be here today.” Jon grinned.

“Tis an honor for us to have the chance to be on thous television program.” She noted. “We especially appreciated thous offering of cream filled chocolate confectioneries and strange ale that thou left at our bedroom door.”

“Oh you mean the gift basket filled with moon pies and ‘Blue moon’ beer?” Jon asked with a smile, which caused the crowd to laugh at Luna once more.

“...Is that what they are referred to as?” She inquired with a sigh, having now understood his intentions.

“Back in.... back in my world yes.” He answered while Luna rolled her eyes. “Hey, just be happy I didn’t pull down my pants and expose my butt in your face.”

This hypothetical scenario was so outrageous that is caused Luna to blush slightly and recoil as a result.

“Wh... Why wouldst thou do such a vulgar action!” Luna yelled. Jon waited for the sharp audio feedback to end before answering.

“Well...I don't know if it’s the same over here,” He explained. “but where I come from, that’s called ‘Mooning.’”

And with that, Luna slapped the front of her face while the audience cheered and stomped the ground as hard as they could. The way things were going, Luna felt like she was talking to her sister during one of her teasing moods rather than Jon himself.

“Thou seems to haveth a strange sense of humor.” She commented.

“You’ll get used to it.” Jon said as he tilted back looking very pleased with himself. “I got a million of these.”

“Thou will excuse us if we don’t see the appeal in such behavior.” She retorted with a flick of her hoof. “We may beith on your program, but this is still our kingdom and as such we demand respect... especially in front of our royal subjects”

Jon understood her wanting to be taken seriously, which is why he decided to move on to his next joke he had lined up from the start. Without saying a word, he pulled out a blank piece of paper and began to scribble some names on it.

“What is thou doing?” Luna asked as she stretched her long neck forward to get a better view.

“Oh this? Oh this is-- I’m just making a list of ponies I’ve interviewed with funny accents” Jon answered as the crowd giggled at the idea, like children in school watching the class clown mess with a substitute teacher. “Now... now unfortunately you are-- you don’t rank higher than Zecora, BUT... you easily top both Applejack and Iron Will.”

Luna would have explained the importance of talking the way she did since it was an honorable, albeit outdated, tradition in the kingdom of Canterlot, however her explanation never saw the light of day with the crowd laughing at her expense.

“Seriously Luna come on! You, you, you need to kick back and relax for goodness sake!” Jon pleaded which got an odd look from his guest. “This is a comedy show not a uh, Shakespeare reenactment... drop the fancy talk and stop being so formal.”

Growing up as a Princess, Luna was always taught to be pristine and orderly, almost bordering on the ostentatious, and then here was Jon who was outright encouraging to her abandon hundreds of years of instinct on her part.

Rather than argue with him, she turned to face the audience like she was trying to consult with them. She was greeted by many of her own subjects cheering at the suggestion and, since Luna didn’t want to disappoint her subjects, she obliged.

“We... I mean I... suppose I can do that.” She mumbled sheepishly.

“There ya go!” Jon roared as he did a quick pump of his fist. “Now that’s what I’m talking about... unfortunately that’s all the time we have left on the show so... goodnight everyone!”

To really bring the joke home, Jon stood and waved to the audience as a confused Luna, who had just finished easing back in her chair, shot up so quickly she almost took flight. She looked behind her at humans and ponies working backstage and noticed that they were laughing. With a sigh, she eased by in her seat and gave Jon a look as he too sat back down.

“But no I’m uh... I’m really glad you decided to... to uh... attend this airing. Because I... okay look.... so... uh, so, so, so just we are clear... I invited you on the show... more or less as a thank you for what you did.” Jon fumbled as he turned to the cameras. “For those of you watching at home... uh this... this nice young lady here saved my life from a dangerous queen who controlles a group of evil creatures called Changelings... Were it not for her... I would not be here today... and I know it all sounds crazy, but... I just can’t thank you enough, Ms. Luna.”

Having previously been subjected to his constant teasing, Luna was surprised to find Jon now speaking in more of a heartfelt tone. The transition was so abrupt, she didn’t even have time to respond.

“So with that in mind and with your permission” Jon continued while Luna nodded her head in bewilderment. “I would like to... that is to officially begin this interview... I, like many others back in my world, know next to nothing about you so... uh p-please.... enlighten us about who you are.”

For a brief moment, Luna didn’t say anything. She just stared at Jon on the off chance that this was just another clever ruse to make her look silly on camera. Soon though, the notion that he was in fact genuine became clear once she saw a look on his face, a look that said he was all too serious. Although the irony now was that she was making herself look foolish by waiting for a punchline that never came so, to help herself out, she finally spoke after clearing her throat.

“Yes, well... as you you seem to already know, I am but one of the princesses of Canterlot.” She disclosed. “Me and my sister are the rulers of the kingdom, and one of our primary duties is to maintain a constant flow of the astronomical seasons.”

“That’s right your sister is-- She is in charge of the sun, right?” Jon ventured.

“Correct Mr. Stewart.” Luna answered. “My dearest sister controls the movements of the sun and is looked upon as the princess of the day, much in the same way I control the moon and, as such, have been appointed as the ruler of the night.”

“Wow... if Celestia ever goes one on one with Superman, he is fucked.” He joked. “So... so, so, so what you’re saying is... that instead of the cosmos working on their own... by the way of gravity and uh... and all that good stuff... you and your sister just... do it yourselves?”

“What you say is the truth.” She responded.

“Aaand some where back in the human world, a furious Neil Degrasse Tyson is tearing apart a science textbook.” Jon said. “But now uh... just setting aside fifth grade science for the, for the time being, I have to ask... what other duties do... do you guys involve yourself with because... what you need to understand... from a human point of view, we have our own queen, over in England, and we don’t expect her to do ANYTHING!”

“The responsibilities of Equestrian Royalty are various and crucial.” She remarked. “My sister does many things, from delegation of treaties with other bodies of government, to handling local problems. I myself do what I can to make sure that each and every pony who walks the roads at night will do so in safety.”

“So, are you guys like the pony versions of ‘Life Alert’? If someone falls down, they call you?” Jon jested. Before Luna could answer Jon already took the moment to speak again. “Now it sounds like... you and your sister have a uh, a good relationship with your subjects.”

“Oh, indeed so.” Luna commented. “Why, as a matter of fact, my dear sister has this program called the ‘open chamber proposal.’”

“Sounds like an invitation I once got to an all-night sex party... uh, right down to the phrase ‘open chamber.’” Jon commented while the crowd laughed and Luna gave him a look like she was asking if she could continue. “Aaaah yeah, but anyways... you were saying.”

“Now then... the ‘open chamber proposal’ is a project that my sister has been using quite recently.” She continued as the crowd still snickered. “It’s a day set aside each week where anypony, regardless of class or background, can address the Princess in the main throne room for any reason, and without the need of an appointment. I myself attend these ceremonies on the off chance that I can help answer some questions and concerns.”

“Wow... that’s actually a really nice gesture from state leaders.” Jon admitted as he nodded his head and sat up in his seat. “It’s refreshing to see people in power do things like... you know, actually our former leaders had a similar program when they were in charge.”

“Is this so?” Luna asked.

“Oh yes, it’s true.” Jon added. “Way back in the day our presidents would allow any and all lawmakers... and community politicians to enter the White House to talk with... uh.... uh, with the president at the time... but this program was only open to fellow politicians.”

“Most interesting to be sure.” Luna nodded her head. “Our program is much different in that everypony from all walks of life are invited.”

“It’s very interesting that... that you see yourself... as someone who handles both large and small problems.” He commented as he leaned forward and made sweeping gestures with his hand. “You’re responsible... literally responsible... uh, for... for, for the constant shifting of astronomical entities yet, at the same time, you try to help the... to help anyone out on a midnight stroll.”

“It's to be expected...It is our philosophy that the concerns of our loyal subjects are to be taken seriously, no matter how small." Luna proclaimed as she held her head high in the air. "The rising of the sun is just as important as helping a local farmer plant the seeds that will use that sunlight.”

“Wow.” Jon said as the sound of the audience pounding the ground with their hooves filled the night air. “I just... it’s good to see-- it’s good to know that there are leaders who truly care about those they govern.”

The audience continued to applaud in agreement which made Luna feel slightly uncomfortable. She appreciated their admiration, but it was something that she wasn’t used to.

“Now... if we can, I’d like to go back for a second to your guys’ roles as... uh I guess gods of the stars.” Jon said as he waved his arm in a circle. “I’d like to know... just how involved you are in this role.”

“I am unsure of what you are asking me.” Luna said.

“Well I mean where... how do you move the moon or... how do you know when and where it’s positions will be.” Jon explained. “You know that kind of thing... I mean like... uh have you ever even been to the moon?”

Jon was unsure why, but upon asking his seemingly innocent question, the entire audience went quiet. Both they and Luna stared at Jon with a face like he’d asked her something wildly inappropriate.

The reaction from everyone who heard what Jon asked was split evenly between humans and ponies. Those in the latter were shocked that he would even ask such a question, while those in the former were confused as to why there was the sudden tension in the air.

“Um... was it something I said?” Jon asked. With a deep sigh, Luna begrudgingly answered

“No it’s... Yes... I... I have been to the moon.” She answered dismissively. Jon was tempting to comment right away, but based on how she answered, he wasn’t sure whether he should offer his congratulations or condolences.

“I feel like I’m missing something here.” He said in a low tone.

“Like I said... I have been on the moon before... but it wasn’t of my own free will.” She recalled. “A long time ago... I was forced to the moon as punishment for my misguided behavior... You see... at one point, I was envious of my sister and her authority... so much so that I foolishly tried to usurp power from my her and, as a result... I was banished to the moon.”

This sudden revelation surprised Jon to no end. Since his first encounter with Luna, he’d seen her as nothing but a hero and a saint... but to know that, at one point, she tried overthrow her own sister had seemed unbelievable.

“I’m... I’m sorry.” Jon said. “I had no idea.”

“Tis alright, Mr. Stewart... I blame not my sister for my own actions... it was something she needed to do.” She continued, followed by a quick sigh. “Besides, the point of an interview is to ask questions, is it not?” Whether or not that was in invitation for Jon to continue, he decided that he couldn’t let an opportunity like this pass.

“Well... I have to ask... what... what was it like on the moon?” He asked cautiously.

“It... it was horrible” Luna answered. “It was an experience I hope to never relive again, nor would I wish such a fate on my greatest enemy.”

Everyone went quiet as Luna recounted her experience during the darkest days of her life.

“Someponies assume that my going to the moon was the real punishment, but they are wrong... what really made it a true nightmarish experience was the loneliness... the curshing isolation of it all.” She explained as she looked up into the night sky “The moon itself wasn’t my prison, but rather, I was the prisoner of my own mind... I was up there for so long that I began to lose touch with reality and, as a result, I... transformed to something... evil.”

“Evil?” He asked. “I’m guessing you don’t mean like... you just returned with a dastardly mustache?” The decision to crack a quick joke to liven up the tension was done very reluctantly by Jon... To his relief, Luna didn’t seem to notice.

“You don’t seem to understand... as I said, I was away for so long that my mind began to deteriorate... The petty jealousy I once felt for my sister festered until it manifested into an intense hatred.” She explained. “Tell Mr. Stewart... have you ever heard of a creature called ‘Nightmare Moon.’”

Jon didn’t answer, but instead, just laid back in his seat and continued to listen to his guest.

“You see, after many years of isolation on that desolate rock, I eventually returned... only by the time I did, I wasn’t reformed as some had hoped, but the opposite... instead, I was a shell of my former self and, for a while, I reigned terror over the land as a dark creature of the night known as ‘Nightmare Moon.’”

Again, Jon found himself hard pressed to believe that, at one point, Luna was anything but a savior. Her description of a power hungry monster did not fit the image he had of her. It was for this reason that Jon tried again squeeze an ounce of levity out of this.

“That’s... I couldn't even... be... begin to imagine what that must have felt like.” He nervously stated. “One could almost say that you’re time on the moon had made you into a Lunatic.”

This time around, his weak attempt of to lighten up the mood was met by Luna glaring at him with somewhat angry eyes. Despite their cultural differences for the subject at hand, she still didn’t appreciate his joking on such a serious subject.

“It baffles us on how thou could speaketh of such things with such disrespect!” She scolded in a calm though strong voice.

“I... I do apologize!” Jon frantically blurted. “I meant nothing by it.”

“HMPH! I suppose I shouldn't expect you of all people to understand.” She added. “How could you possibly... you humans have never been to the moon before.”

Just like before, the reaction of what Luna said was split between the humans and ponies in attendance. The various ponies watching merely waited to see Jon’s response, while the humans chuckled to themselves.

“Actually,” Jon chimed with a grin. “We have.”

Before Luna and those who watched were in a slight melancholic mood but now, much like how Jon intended, the tone of the interview had shifted. In Equestria, only one person had been to the moon and that resulted in a new evil emerging, so to them, going there was synonymous with disaster. Hearing that a human had done the same instantly seized Luna’s attention... She had never heard of someone other than herself having gone through what she did.

“There... there have been humans who... who’ve been... to where I’ve been?” Luna asked as the pony crowd whispered to each other.

“Oh yeah, a bunch of times.” He commented offhandedly. “In fact... I remember when I first saw the moon landing back when I was... uh, let's see I would have been only seven years old... I’ll never forget it... I was watching TV at home and I uh... I was just... I was mesmerized by the image of Neil Armstrong... taking his first step on the moon’s surface... It was incredible.”

“I... I must admit, I thought I was the only one... who ever...” She said pausing to take this all in. “Tell me Mr. Stewart... this Neil of which you speak of... What were his crimes?”

“Beg pardon?” Jon asked.

“This human you speak of with strong arms... what did he do to earn the punishment of being sent to that horrible place.” She explained.

“Uuuuuh Luna... this wasn’t a punishment... he went there of his own free will.” He explained.

“Wha-- I don’t... EXCUSE ME!” She blurted. “Are you telling me, this Neil actually wanted to go to the moon!?”

“Of course he did.” Jon answered in a tone like it was Luna who was spouting nonsense.

“And your people just let him go through with this!?” She added.

“‘Let him? We footed the bill.” He replied. “The entire nation was behind Mr. Armstrong in his mission into space. We funded the entire operation, followed his movements and, when it was time, hoped that he’d make it there safely.”

“...Wha.... I.... wh...what is wrong with you people!” Luna exclaimed. “You sent one of your own to a horrible... loathsome place!”

“Well, with all due respect Luna... We-- that’s not how we saw it... the idea of putting a man on the moon seemed impossible... like something out of a sci fi movie.” He explained. “To us, this was more than just a few hours of walking on a floating rock... It-- to us it represented something so much more. For us it was a turning point in human history... A day where we uh, where we looked at ourselves and said ‘This is only the beginning.’ To us this meant that if we can put a kid from Ohio on something we thought was unreachable then we could do anything.”

“I... never thought about it that way.” Luna confessed. The way Jon described it made Luna feel the same kind of jealously that landed her on the moon in the first place. To hear about how someone else went to the moon like she did, but with drastically different circumstances, made her feel small by comparison.

“I’ll never forget hearing those famous words for the first time... ’That’s one small step for man; one giant leap for mankind.’” He quoted with a hand over his heart. “And then... he still did the impossible and returned back to earth safe and sound... He returned a hero.”

“A...hero, huh.” Luna said as she looked upwards into the sky.

“Yeah; just like you.” Jon said.

“I... I-I’m no hero.” She replied. “When I came back from the moon ponies feared me. I’m just a--”

“Hey... you are to me.” Jon said as he placed a hand over her hoof. “The fact that I’m still alive today is a testament to that.”

“I... thank you.” Luna said, still unfamiliar with such praise.

There was a brief pause followed by Luna’s turn in trying to desperately change the tone around.

“So uh... this Neil Armstrong... uh, how long was he on the moon?” She asked.

“Well let’s see... if I remember correctly, he was up there for less than a day.” Jon answered. “And memory serves, he was actually walking on the moon even less... basically enough time to plant a flag, but not enough to pee his name on the surface... so a few hours I’d say.”

“Oh... that’s it?” She asked causing the audience to laugh.

“What do you mean ‘that’s it!?’ At the time it was the single greatest human accomplishment of man AND fun fact... the day we officially declared that the moon wasn’t made of cheese?’” Jon blurted. “It was an... incr--it was an amazing feat!... How bout you? How long were you up there for, huh?”

“1000 years.” She said, her tone more blunt than a roofing tile.

Jon’s eyes, as well as those of his entire human staff, widened like a light was flashed in their face. Jon’s mouth had fallen open, but he didn’t know what to say which was ideal since no one would be able to hear anything he would’ve said over the noise of the crowd laughing.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Jon yelled. “You were up there for 1000 years, I don--... wait... YOU’RE 1000 YEARS OLD!?”

“I’m actually much older, if you must know.” She scoffed. The look on Jon’s face told Luna that he still didn’t quite understand her position. “Oh uh... Alicorns live forever... I was on the moon for only a small portion of my life.”

“Jesus Christ I--Well then... uh... let me just say this.” Jon pointed with his pen as he took a deep breath to calm himself down. “You don’t look a day over 400.”

For the first time during the interview, Luna actually found herself laughing which was a surprise, not just to herself, but by everyone watching.

“Might I ask you a question, Mr. Stewart?” She ventured as the crowd leaned forward in anticipation for what she’d ask.

“Of course.” He answered. “And please, call me Jon.”

“If that is your wish that I will oblige... but tell me, do you know this Neil Armstrong.” She asked. “I would... very much like to meet him.”

“I don’t, I’m afraid.” He answered. “And I’m afraid meeting him is out of the question... He died not too long ago.”

“Oh I see... how tragic.” She said. “How old was he when he passed on?”

“He was... I think 82 years old.” Jon guessed correctly..

“My, so young... during my 82nd year on the moon, I was still crying.” Luna answered. “What a shame... It would have been nice to have talked with another being who has been through what I have.”

“What uh... what would he... I mean, what would you two talk about?” Jon asked. “Because aside from the whole moon thing... eeeeeh, you two are kinda different.”

“I am... unsure.” Luna answered. “It just... would have been nice to share experiences.”

“If you don’t mind me asking...do you even remember much about your time up there?” He asked. “I mean 1000 years is a long time.”

Before answering his question Luna leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes to think.

“I shall be perfectly honest with you Jon... I do not.” She answered. “Once my mind began to dissolve, I lost a lot of memories of what I did... I do remember being incredibly incredibly woeful, and hearing the phrase ‘AEIOU’ over and over again, but when I try to recall more than that I cannot ... it just would have been nice to know if Neil’s time on the surface was anything like mine.”

“Well, I’ve never been to the moon and I can guess that it wasn’t very much fun.” Jon commented. “I hear that place is reeeeally lacking in atmosphere.”

Against their better judgement, the crowd laughed while Luna playfully shook her head and gave Jon a half smile.

“How very clever.” She said.

“Like I said, I have I have a million of them.” He smirked. “Speaking of big numbers...1000 years!... My god that... you must have been so bored!”

“Yes well... it wasn’t meant to be for my pleasure.” Luna said over the laughter of the audience.

“I get that but still... I mean they should have at least given you a magazine, or a Gameboy or somthing to keep you occupied.” He added.

“A what?” She asked.

“A Gameboy.” Jon repeated.

“I do not understand.” She commented. “What is this Game of boys of which you speak of.”

“It’s a videogame?” Jon answered.

“A what?” She repeated, causing the audience to laugh at the pair of old people on stage making small talk

“Okay, let me see here,” Jon said as he threw his head back to try and recap all that he knew about the subject which was extremely limited. “Okay, you guys have movies over here... right?”

“But of course, Jon.” Luna answered.

“Well, videogames are like those... only you get to control what happens.” Jon surmised hoping he would be even remotely close.

“How... intriguing.” Luna said, now slightly mesmerized. “A form of media that is completely interactive. Sounds fascinating... tell me more!”

“Uh, I’m afraid I don’t know much about... I mean I’m uh, I’m sure my assistant can tell you more than I could after the show.” Jon advised, not entirely sure if Selina knew more than he did. “But going back to uh... to, to, to, you for a second... if you are indeed 1000s of years old then you... you my dear, must be very skilled in the art of magic.”

“I am... though I may not be as powerful as my sister, I am indeed an expert in the art of Magic.” She admitted.

“I hate to have... I mean I hate to ask, but would you mind demonstrating some of your magic for us tonight?” Jon asked. “I think the audience at home would love to see... what a Princess can do.”

Like before, Luna turned to the audience to gauge their reaction and, also like before, they encouraged her to proceed at will. Her decision was already made up for her.

“Very well then, Jon!” She said as she extended her wings. “Prepare to witness the power of the Guardian of the night!”

“Actually, I’m going to stop you right there.” Jon interrupted. “On this show, we’ve already seen some magic so, just know if what you’re about to do is any form of: Teleportation, levitation...or power beams, just know we’ve seen it before.”

“Ah... I see.” Luna said as she sat back down. “In that case, I humbly request you give me time to think.”

Luna concentrated on what to show the audience which was difficult with them still chuckling at her. It was only when both they and Jon stopped did she think of an idea to wow them.

“Aha! I got it!” She exclaimed.

“Alright!... So what are ya gonna do?” Jon asked.

“Well... first let me start by saying that, throughout this interview, you’ve asked most of the questions about my life and I still know very little about you.” Luna smirked.

“Oh well... by, uh... by all means feel free to ask me anything you want.” Jon said. “I'm more than willing to answer any question you might have for me.”

“Weeell.” Luna chuckled. “Thanks to my magic... I don’t have to.”

With a shift of her head, Luna pointed her horn directly at Jon’s face. Although she was complying with what Jon requested, he still didn’t like the idea of a long horn being shoved in his face; not after the last time something like that happened.

“W-w-w-what the hell are you doing?” Jon asked, as he backed away slowly in his seat.

“There is no need to be frightened.” She said. “I am simply going to cast a spell on you... It is harmless, I assure you.”

A white light began to develop on the top of her horn. Eventually, it got bigger and bigger, to the point where it was roughly the size of Jon’s head. Once it was finished growing in size, it slowly made it’s way to his face where it enveloped him for a few seconds, then came back to Luna. Soon, the white light was absorbed by her horn and eventually into her her head where it rested in her brain.

“And there we go.” She said.

“Sooooooo...” Jon cooed. “What did you do to me?”

“I simply casted a spell that allowed me to access your mind.” She answered. “Basically... I now have a working knowledge of everything that is Jon Stewart.”

While the crowd began to gossip amongst themselves, Jon was busily touching the side of his head while sporting a look of disbelief.

“No way.” He said. “I don’t believe you.”

“Oh I assure you, what I say is the truth.” She assured him.

“Oh yeah... prove it.” Jon said in a disbelieving tone.

“As you wish.” Luna added with a chuckle as she closed her eyes. “Your real name is Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz, and your parents are Marian née Laskin and Donald Leibowitz. You were born on November 28, 1962 in New York City, New York, of the United States, but you spent most of your childhood in the further off kingdom known as New Jersey.”

Jon was all but ready to call her on her bluff, but everything she was saying was true, as if she was reading off his profile page on Wikipedia. In his time in Equestria, he’d seen different forms of magic, but this was by far the most shocking. And she was only just warming up.

“You graduated in 1984 from The College of William & Mary in Virginia, where you played on the soccer team and initially majored in chemistry before switching to psychology.” She continued. “You later decided to pursue your long love of comedy in nightclubs in the City. Your very first performance came in the form of a standup act in a place within New york called 'The village' at one o’clock in the morning...you were so nervous to be on stage for the first time that you almost--”

“OKAY, OKAY, I GET IT! YOU'RE NOT KIDDING!” Jon yelled almost as if he, himself, was attempting to add the royal canterlot voice to his repertoire of impersonations.

Everyone from the audience, to Luna, and even Jon’s assistant Selina, was laughing at the now blushing comedian. Jon was determined to get revenge.

“So... you now know everything about me, huh?” Jon said with an unimpressed face.

“Correct.” Luna boasted.

“In that case... do you know what happened to me that uh... that uh, one summer when I was thirteen... and uh... my mom caught me in my room doing something when I thought she was out grocery shopping?” Jon asked.

“No... but I can find out if I wanted to.” She bragged as she once again cocked her head back and accessed her memory bank. In time, her face began to scrunch in protest, she immediately regretted her decision. .

“Uh... I... Oh!” She groaned as her face turned red. The look on her face was that of a pony who saw something she shouldn't have. “I... really wish I didn’t see that.”

While some of the audience members were left wondering what she saw, Jon was now laughing so hard Luna could almost smell his breath from across the table.

“Okay now, here... here is... here is, uh, the real question.” Jon said while still trying to regain his composure. “Since you know everything there is to know about me... can you--how would you describe me... or, or, or how bout...you...try to summarize me in a single sentence?”

After convincing herself that his was a legitimate question and not another prank, Luna closed her eyes to search her new found memory. After a while of searching, she returned to the interview with a summary she felt was most accurate.

“You... Jon Stewart.” She said, pausing to get her facts straight. “...You seem... to be obsessed with another human by the name of Bruce Springsteen.”

This revelation was news to absolutely no one who knew Jon on a personal level, and for the second time that night, indirectly or otherwise, Luna had made Jon laugh so loud that he had to place both his elbows on the table to balance himself.

“Okay... now I’m convinced you know everything about me.” Jon said as he cleared his throat which was aching from all the laughing. “But tell me... I’m not the only... I mean... do you... uh, do you ever use this... uh, this memory grabbing spell on anyone else?”

“Not as often as you might suspect.” Luna admitted. “But I do have a similar spell that allows me to access pony’s dreams.”

Jon’s laughing was cut short by this new bit of information. At first he didn’t believe it, but once he realized what Luna was capable of, such a skill didn’t seem so farfetched.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa there Freddy Krueger!” Jon stammered. “You... can go into people’s subconscious... while they sleep?”

“I am the guardian of the night, Jon.” She answered. “Remember how I said I protect those during the night... that applies to both their physical and mental form.”

“Wow... and here I thought Bush illegally reading our emails was the biggest invasion of privacy a leader could do.” Jon joked.

“You make it sound so unpleasant, but I assure you, it is done solely for the benefit of those who need my guidance.” She retorted. “In fact, most of the time, the ponies dream the most wonderful thoughts... while others have some of the most interesting imaginations.”

“Alright but uh... tell me... do some of the other ponies ever have some like... really messed up dreams?” Jon asked as he leaned in and whispered. While, normally, Luna would have refrained from talking about other’s private thoughts, she was too swept in the moment to take that into consideration.

“UGH! Like you wouldn’t believe it!” She grunted. “Some ponies dream of... for lack of a better term, interesting sequences while other’s have overly creative fantasies... I recall this one incident where I entered the Mayor Mare’s thoughts during her REM sleep... let’s just say if she had her way, she’d be more than just Mayor of Ponyville.”

“I... I don’t want to sound like a gossip.” Jon chuckled. “But what other interesting dreams have-- Okay, like how about uh... uh Derpy Hooves... what are her dreams like?”

“Ah yes... the one with... special eyes. She... doesn’t really dream much... it’s mostly just empty space.” She said. Jon laughed wholeheartedly since her recollection sounded spot on. “And when she does dream, it’s either of muffins, her husband, or some odd combination.”

“Who--are there any... any ponies whose dreams you just... totally avoid.” Jon asked. “You know like--”

“Well... in some cases, experience had taught me to skip over every now and again.” Luna answered. “Some ponies have regular recurring dreams that are not worth dwelling over... such as young Rainbow Dash who either dreams about being a Wonderbolt of herself and Applejack in the middle of a--”

“OKAY! Well on that note, I think we’re just about done here!” Jon interrupted. “But before we, I just want to say that... Luna, it was an absolute pleasure to get to know you here today.”

“Likewise, Jon.” She said as Jon grabbed her hoof to give it a shake. “I find you to be a most interesting character.”

“And again... I cannot thank you enough for saving both Trixie and I.” He said. “Were it not for you, that evil creature would have... neither of us would still be alive.”

“And as I said before... I just did what anypony else would do.” She commented.

“Well... I don’t know if that’s 100% true... which is why I’m glad it was you that was there in the castle that day.” Jon continued. “Back in my world there is saying that goes: ‘All it takes for Evil to prevail in this world is for enough good men to do nothing’... I’ve seen so many instances back home, and covered stories where this was true... I’m just glad this world showed me that there are those like you and Trixie... who, despite what they’ve been through, are brave enough to stand up to evil.”

The audience began to cheer for the guest of the evening which, at this point, no longer felt an alien concept to Luna, but something that she would gladly accept.

“Now then... before we go to our last commercial break, I think our audience would like to see just one more... one more princess level magic spell.” Jon announced, which made the crowd roar in agreement. "Whad'ya say?"

This time Luna didn’t need to think of a spell to impress the judges. She already had the perfect incantation in mind for her new human friend and, like before, she needed to use it directly on Jon himself.

“For you Jon... anything.” She said as she once again lowered her horn and pointed it at his face. Again, he wasn’t too thrilled to have her horn pointed at him, but he knew he was safe, so he didn’t make a fuss about it. Although, like with the previous spell, he was somewhat nervous at the prospect of being used as a guinea pig for whatever magic she had in mind. “Now then... Stay still.”

At first, her entire horn began to glow the same color blue as mane. Whatever she was cooking up, it obviously needed a lot of power, but before Jon could ask what she was going to do with such a large amount of magic, it leapt from her horn and straight into Jon’s chest.

“WOW!” He yelled as the magic quickly spread throughout his body. From an outsider’s point of view, Jon was momentarily engulfed in a bright light that made it impossible to see him as anything other than a walking glowing figure, but just as quickly as the magic took hold, it eventually disappeared, leaving a bewildered Jon sitting in his chair.

“That... was... INCREDIBLE!” Jon yelled as a mysterious power flowed through his veins like he had never felt before. “Oh man, Luna I don’t know what you did to me, but I feel GREAT!”

To demonstrate his newfound energy, he quickly stood to stretch his muscles and arched his back as far as he could. All the aches and pains from his encounter with Chrysalis were now a thing of the past as his body felt like he had just awoken from a thirty year nap. Even the restrictions from before his encounter with the Changeling Queen seemed to have suddenly vanished. His eyesight was better, he felt stronger as if his bones were just fortified, and he could swear he had just lost some weight.

“I have never felt... so alive!” Jon said as he rotated his head from side to side to stretch his neck. “So what kind of spell was that like some kind of... rejuvenation spell or what, because I--“

When Jon tilted his head to the side of the audience he noticed that every single one of them was staring at him with mouths agape and a look about them like this was the first time they’ve ever seen a human.

His own staff and crew, who were watching from the sidelines, had a similar shocked expression. Even Selina was so surprised to see Jon that she dropped her clipboard onto the ground.

“What?” Jon said as she slowly raised his hand to his cheek. “Is there something on my face or some--”

The moment the warm feel of his face made contact with his hand, Jon stopped talking and froze in his seat. Something was different about him, only now he could feel it more directionally. His once wrinkled skin now felt smooth and pure like a newborn baby. He could also hardly feel the stubble of his chin from his lack of shaving that day.

The second thing he noticed was the very hand he was still holding up. Like his face, it too was now lacking in any form of blemishes or creases. The old saying “I know it like the back of my own hand” no longer applied to Jon.

“What the... what the hell did you do to me?” Jon asked Luna will still looking at his open palm.

“See for yourself.” She chuckled as she used her magic to produce a large rectangular object in front of him. At first, Jon mistakenly thought she had summoned some kind of portrait or something similar, since it held an image of a young looking human that Jon didn’t recognize. After a few seconds of continued staring however, he finally made the connection. Jon was looking at a mirror... only, instead of seeing what he expected, he now saw himself as he was thirty years ago.

“Oh. My. God.” Jon stammered as he slowly raised his hands to see if the image would follow, slowly running them through his long dark black hair.

“In case you haven’t figured it out yet, the spell I infused within you was an age reversal spell.” She explained while Jon played with his face as if it was made of a kneadable clay. “Congratulations Jon... you are now 20 years old again.”

“I... wha... I just...” Jon struggled to speak. He always liked to joke to his friends that taking over the Daily Show had aged him by 10 years to the point where he didn't recognize himself from back when he did his first episode. This was very much like that but to an extreme degree.

To further test this newfound longevity, Jon began flex his arms and throw a punch or two to see how fast his reflexes were.

“Well I... that is... um.” He stuttered “Is... is... is this... uh, is this permanent?”

“I’m afraid it’ll only last 24 hours,” Luna answered. “If you want, I can make it so you’ll stay this age.”

“Uh... no, uh... no thanks, I uh... that’s, that’s alright.” Jon fumbled with his worlds. “My uh...my wife would kill me if I ever outlived her.”

While Jon continued to admire himself in the mirror, Luna playfully leaned forward into the mirror and made it disappear, forcing Jon to look at her in the face.

“Aren't you going to ask me something?.” She chuckled.

“I... OH! Oh, you’re right!” Jon fumbled as he grabbed her hoof. “Uh Luna... tha-thanks for... for uh being here today and uh... would... would you mind st--”

“Yes, I’ll stay a little bit longer for the show.” Luna interrupted.

“Okay... uh... thanks.” Jon said, he wasn’t used to being thrown off guard this much by a guest.. “Um... P-princess Luna everyone... we’ll... uh.. we’ll be-- actually NO! I’m... I’m going to try something first!”

Without even so much as an ‘excuse me’, Jon jumped from his chair and ran to one end of the stage where he positioned himself on the very edge without falling over.

“I haven’t done this in years!” He said.

Everyone watched as the now younger and vivacious Jon Stewart sprinted across the stage as fast as he legs could take him. When he reached to about the halfway point, he threw himself forward, only to catch himself by placing his hands on the ground and tossing his feet in the air. The crowd frantically stomped the ground; praising Jon for having done a perfect cartwheel.

“HELL YEAH!” Jon roared, as he pumped his fists in triumph. “PRINCESS LUNA EVERYONE! WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK!”

The pegasus operating the camera high above the crowd had to fly carefully to the side in order to get a good shot of Jon who was excitedly playing to the crowd with hand gestures and smiles. Those watching at home got to see the last scene where Luna snuck up behind to join him in waving to the audience.

The Daily show logo eventually found its way onto the camera right before Jon hugged Luna on the stage and whispered something in her ear. The camera then panned slightly inward to get a good shot of the massive amount of ponies who came to watch the show before the the screen turned to black for the last commercial break.

Episode 15 [Luna]: Here it is your moment of zen

The roar of the crowd could still be heard as Jon and Luna exited the center of the stage and made their way to the makeup room. Rather than joining his guest in having their facial products washed off, Jon ran past his entire staff and crew and out the side of the door, hollering and flailing his arms the entire time, without fear of a sore throat or pulling a muscle.

“He seems happy.” Selina commented as Luna sat in a chair directly in front of a professional makeup artist’s mirror.

“So Ms. Selina, how did I do?” Luna asked as an intern busily wiped the makeup off her face and undid the microphone from her ear.

“You were fantastic, your majesty.” Selina answered as she watched the intern do her job, making sure she did everything right. “I can already tell that this interview will do very well in the ratings.”

“Excellent.” Luna said. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit nervous back there... I’ve never been on television.”

From there, the two said nothing for the remainder of the cleanup session. Luna’s mind was still racing from the emotional high one got after being on TV while Selina concentrated on taking down notes from her clipboard. It wasn’t until the intern was done wiping the last bit of makeup off the royal guest did someone speak again.

“Also... I’m sure you’ve heard this enough already.” Selina finally said. “But... thank you very much for rescuing my boss.”

“No need.” Luna rebutted. “All in a day’s work for a Princess.”

“Understood... but... Jon is a very good friend of mine, so...” Selina cleared her throat. “So, if there is anything I can do for you while I’m here, then please... let me know.”

Even with Selina being a mere assistant compared to Luna’s Godly existence, the thought was much appreciated. Luna was moments away from respectfully declining her offer, when something she had forgotten popped back into her head.

“Actually... there is one thing.” Luna said.

“Name it.” Selina responded.

“Well... during the interview, Jon mentioned something about ‘videogames’” Luna said. “They sounded extraordinary... I would like to know more about these videos that are games.”

As much as Selina wanted to help, she found herself slightly out of her element. Growing up, she had never played video games before, except for a few play sessions with her older brother back in the 80’s. Back when Jon suggested that Luna ask her after the show about them, she secretly hoped that she wouldn't since she hated being put in places that she had no knowledge of. Though, that didn’t stop her from honoring her promise.

“Yes well... of course.” Selina said. “Video games... let’s see...”

As if the answer was somewhere nearby, she began to scan the room for anything that could help her. What she saw were humans and ponies of all shape and color hurrying back and forth doing something productive... that is until she saw a fairly new Daily Show employee sitting on the ground and talking with yellow and green mare.

His unproductive state wasn’t what initially got her attention, but the fact that she recognized him from around the office. Most importantly, she knew him well enough to know that he identified himself as a 'gamer.'

“You there!” She snapped getting instant attention. “Come over here.” Both the intern and the pony he was talking to were scared by Selina glaring at them. Soon, after his pony friend abandoned him, he scrambled to his feet and rushed to her while looking very apologetic.

“I-I-I’m sorry Ms. Jenson!” He blurted as he nervously bowed. “I was just taking a quick break, I swear I wasn’t goofing off! Please don’t write me up!”

“No need to apologize. You’re not in any trouble.” She assured him. “I just wish to have a word with you... Paul right?... You play videogames, correct?”

The question seemed to confuse him to the point where he was unable to speak, or that may have been because both Selina and Luna were staring at him waiting for an answer.

“Oh uh... yes, yes I do.” He finally answered. “B-b-but I don’t play them while I’m working! I swear!”

Selina knew that was a bold faced lie, but for the sake of this exercise let it slide.

“Yes, yes, I know” She said. “But tell me... do you have any with you right now.”

The nervous intern waited to see if this was a some kind of trap or something, something which he couldn't put pass Selina. However, lying to her would prove to be more disastrous, so in the interest of keeping his job, Paul reached into his pocket and pulled out his own personal handheld device which he always kept handy, a Nintendo 3DS.

“S-sure I do.” He trilled as he offered her his previous device. “See?” Reaching out Selena grabbed the rectangular piece of plastic and as she observed it she realized what it was. She had not too long ago bought the same device (Though a different color) for her niece during the holiday season. She knew just enough to take over from here.

“Thank you Paul.” She said. “You may leave.” Without a word, he dashed to the other room where he would relay how he survived an encounter with Selina to his fellow co-workers which, in itself, was a right of passage at the office.

With him now gone, Selina ran her fingers along the center of the the device and opened it the way she would her small makeup kit. The second it opened, cheerful music began to play since Paul was in the middle of a game when he last played with it.

Even with Selina’s serious lack of knowledge for gamer culture, even she could identify the person on the screen.

“Ah! Super Mario... classic.” She said with a faint smile. “My brother used to play this game all the time.”

Turning around she leaned forward and placed the gaming device in front of Luna.

“This, your majesty... is a videogame.” She said.

For Luna, the strange device in front of her with only a few small buttons might as well have been the control board for an airplane for all she knew. Carefully, she picked it up with a combination of her front hooves and her horn and began to examine it.

“How do I... play this.” She asked.

“The object of the game is to... get to the end of the level without dying.” Selina explained, impressed that she remembered that much. “You press this here to move forward.”

The instructions were simple enough for Luna to understand, but the concept was still very new to her. Slowly, she pressed the button that made the presentation of herself moving forward. As it did, she looked like she just commanded the heavens to open for her.

“My goodness!” Luna said. “I’m... I’m making this human move!”

Her progression eventually came to a stop when she ran smack into a foot high wall.

“Selina!” She screamed. “There is an obstruction! What do I do? How do I proceed forward!?”

“Um... you have to jump over it.” Selina answered. This new bit information caused Luna to look at her with shocked eyes.

“I can do that?” Luna said.

“Yes, but you need to be careful because there is an enemy on the other side.” Selina said. “This button here is the jump command... I think.”

Following her instructions, Luna pressed a button that caused the character on screen to leap into the air. Feeling adventurous, Luna decided to combine what she had learned with this new ability and jump while moving forward. When she did this, she not only cleared her first obstacle, but landed on top of the nearby enemy causing him to disappear.

This momentary victory almost caused Luna to drop the 3DS to the ground.

“Amazing.” She said. “Absolutely incredible.”

“Well I’m glad you like it.” Selina said. “When you’re done, please let--”

“Ms. Jenson!” A voice called out, grabbing everyone’s attention but Luna’s. It was the voice of another Daily Show employee who looked to be out of breath. “Ms. Jenson I’m... I’m sorry to interrupt, but we need your help.”

“Whatever it is, it can wait.” Selina said with stern eyes. “As you can see, I am in the middle of a conversation with our esteemed guest.”

“I know and I apologize, but we need your help with Mr. Stewart.” She said. “He was just spotted swimming in some kind of private lake and now royal guards are chasing after him.”

“Damnit.” Selina said as she slowly began to move away. “Your Majesty, I’m sorry, but I have to take this!... If you need further assistance, please let me know!”

With that, she left the area and followed the scared intern outside into the dark. Luna was so immersed in her game that she didn’t even hear a word she said and was now alone to play with her new found toy in privacy. Selina made plans to return as soon as possible since she was convinced that Luna would get bored in no time and call her back for something. Not only did she stay in that same spot for several more hours, but to this day Paul never did get his game back.

Episode 16 [Changeling]: The proposition.

Episode 16 [Changeling]: The proposition.

Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s Jon Stewart was raised in the middle of generation that saw a new uprising backed by wave of drugs and stimulants. And while he himself wasn’t the biggest supporter of such narcotics, he understood how they worked. A feeling of unstoppable high followed by a crashing low point that made the user want more. This is exactly how he felt when he returned to his world from Equestria.

Jon wasn’t a stranger to the land of ponies. He had been to their cities and towns on numerous occasions, but this was different. Shortly after the initial thrill of interviewing Luna at the Canterlot music hall, Jon was then deemed fit enough to go back home, (though he suspected they only let him leave because he causing too much trouble in the castle) and only then did reality start to set in once again.

He was now back in New York at the Daily Show Headquarters at a very early hour where he was trying, and failing, to get some work done. When he first arrived, he was greeted by his employees gawking at him and wanting to say something, but to no avail since he immediately made a beeline to his private office, not to get things started ahead of schedule, but because he found it difficult to face his loved ones back home.

Upon his arrival back, he was burdened with the uncomfortable task of having to tactfully explain to his family that Trixie won’t be coming back for a little bit. To his kids, he explained that she was hurt and that she was to rest in the hospital, but to his wife he admitted that the scenario of her never coming back was a possibility.

It for this reason that Jon didn’t tell his family that he himself almost met with a similar fate, he didn’t want to add to their worries. He tried to distract himself with the day to day office work that, at first, seemed so far away, but he found it almost impossible to focus when all he could think about was his friend still detained in Canterlot Castle.

His body had healed almost completely (though he still felt sore) from his ordeal, but the emotional scars were still present with no signs of ever going away. If he had his way, he’d stay at Trixie’s bedside until she woke up again, but he couldn’t stay away from his responsibilities back home either.

Trixie wasn’t the only thing Jon left behind in Canterlot. The special “Princess edition” of the show featuring Luna was such a smash hit that the team decided to leave the set (which was a portable replica of the actual one) at Canterlot Concert hall so that Celestia to add it to their hall of fame. However all she wanted was the backdrop and the large desk so every now and again she would teleport some of the lighting fixtures or audio equipment to Jon’s house or office.

The prospect of having massive luggages filled with heavy, and expensive, equipment teleported to his home and workplace at all hours of the day was not what Jon found most bothersome... it was the endless chain of sympathy cards that annoyed him.

A few months back, Jon had set an arrangement with Spike the dragon that any and all letters addressed to Jon, usually fan mail, would go to him whereupon he’d use his special ability to send it to Jon. But nowadays his services were being put to a different use. Along with his equipment, Jon had also been receiving a steady stream of Hallmark-esque greeting cards from ponies all over Equestria. Each of which were usually from fans wishing him the best of luck after his encounter and the hopes that he would feel better.

He read a few of them at first, and yeah, Jon thought their concern for what happened was touching, but when he was getting hundreds by the hour, his appreciation turned to detest. On the whole, he was thankful for their prayers and understood their compulsion to want to wish him well, he was quickly getting sick of ponies reminding him of something he was trying to forget and move on from.

It was for this reason that he issues a request to Spike that he stop sending him any and all letters from Equestria, at least for the time being. His orders were that if anyone sent him a letter he was to hold onto it until further notice. Spike was quickly starting to run out of places to store them all.

He just wanted to forget what happened to him... which proved to be impossible, even now. Only a small handful of interns and employees were present and, at this hour, even less were actually working; least of all was Jon himself who took to staying in his office and requested he not be disturbed. There he sat in his chair idly passing the time by doing nothing.

This was the first time he was back at the office since the attack and he still found it difficult to think about anything else. The fresh pile of paperwork that needed his attention did very little to distract him from the fact that the last time he was sitting in his chair, behind his desk, and in this room he did so while being threatened by a monster.

The most cringe worthy reminder of his ordeal was when he looked upwards at his ceiling only to see the stain from where Queen Chrysalis had encases his assistant in a cocoon. To try and forget, Jon bolted from his seat so fast it fell backwards, crashing to the ground. He slowly began to walk in circles around his office occasionally catching glimpses of himself in the reflection of the awards he had on his walls.

It seemed like, no matter what, Jon couldn’t think about anything other than what he’d been through. For all his joking about, what happened, and his claims that he was fine, deep down he was consumed by it, and while he didn’t want to admit it, was obsessed with what happened. What he wanted was for things to go back to the way things were before, but he knew that was impossible. What he desired was his friend back, what he wanted was to forget this ever happened, what he wanted was... something to distract him. Which he got in the form of a bright green flame.

Jon’s pathetic jog around his office had lead him to the opposite side of the room near the door when he heard, felt, and indeed smelled, the incoming delivery. At the corner of his eyes, Jon caught the arrival of something falling on his desk. Since it arrived by the medium of dragon fire he knew it was from Spike which confused him since he asked him to stop sending him letters. What surprised even more however was that instead of the usual avalanche of “Get well soon” cards he had received a single lone letter.

This was just enough of a mystery to get Jon to investigate, rather than just throwing it away like expired food. Tentatively, he walked across the room to his desk like he was approaching a bomb. Eventually, he made it back to his chair when he loomed over the letter, he was surprised to see what was written on it.

The letter itself was very elegant looking and seemed to be made of expensive stationary. The envelope was royal blue with golden edges which contrasted nicely with the sloppy handwritting on the front of it which read: “From Octavia and Vinyl Scratch.”

“Hmmm.” Jon mumbled as he picked up the letter. “This should be very interesting.”

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Bring me the DJ

With feet on a large briefcase that Celestia sent to him and back arched to it’s limit, Jon was not comfortably sitting in his chair while simultaneously fanning himself with his newly delivered letter. For this was a very interesting predicament. He had long since lost count of how many times he’d gotten letters from ponies from Equestria, but it wasn’t everyday that he got a telegram from someone who had already been on his show... except of course for Rainbow Dash; she couldn't wait to get another interview.

Though Jon very much doubted that either Octavia or her mate Vinyl Scratch were wanting to come back to New York any time soon. From what he understood their schedules were hectic as it is. For all Jon knew, this was just them wishing him the best of luck during hard times like all the rest, but if that were the case, why did Spike send the letter to him when he specifically told him not to?

Whatever the reason, it seemed that it was important enough for Spike to deliberately disobey him. When Jon was through thinking about every possible explanation he decided to take the next logical step by carefully opening the letter and taking out a few pieces of paper. Jon was no detective but still, even though it said “From Octavia and Vinyl Scratch” he could tell just by the language who had written it.

HEY HEY HEY JOHNNY-BOY! WHAT IS UP!?

Listen, I heard about what happened to ya in your own place... Man that sucks! I’m writing because BAM I got something that’ll sure to cheer you up! As it just so happens I know a pony who would be perfect for your show! Spike here tells me you don’t like people suggesting guests for your show and blah blah blah what does he know, right?

But anyway you know how me and Octy went to music school together? Sure ya do! Well when we were upperclass-mares there was this one kid in the same department as me who was transferred to our school. We made friends with him after he helped me defend Octy from some bullies, and you know me... anypony who helps my baby is a friend of mine!

His name is DJ Pygmalion so yeah we had a lot in common since we were both knew how to work the turntables. He’s pretty good but he ain’t as good as me... obviously. Well wouldn't you know this hoof-head doesn’t say “what’s up” since like forever and aaaaaall of a sudden he appears on our pad asking for favors! Yeah you bet I gave him a good punch in arm and a noogie for old times sake!

He looks good for someone his age... I mean we’re still pretty young, but dang he looks like he hasn’t aged since I last saw him. If I wasn’t already taken I might’ve considered asking him out. I mean don’t get me wrong I love Octy to death, but I’ve never done it with a Unicorn before... I've always wanted to know what a horn would feel like on me for a change.

What was I talking about? OH RIGHT, Pygmalion. So anyways this dude is practically on his knees begging me and Octy to ask if you can have him on your show. You don’t know him like we do so trust me when I say this is frickin’ weird! Back in the dorms he never asked for a single favor... which is kinda also why I liked him... but yeah he wouldn’t leave till we agreed to ask ya.

But you know what?... He’s a good friend and I say why not! He did help me out a few times back in the day like this time me and Octy were out past curfew and he managed to convince the dean that I was in my room the entire time... don’t know how he even managed to pull that off since he inspected our rooms. So whad’ya say Johnny my man... could you pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase have him on your show... or else... nah I’m just joking!... but seriously or else!

Love, DJ Pon3

“Is this girl serious?” Jon thought to himself. As much as he liked Vinyl as a friend, he found it rather insulting that she would even ask him for a favor regarding the show after all that had happened to him. He would have tossed the note away or disposed it in a similar fashion as it was delivered but underneath it was another section of writing.

PS: Let me just start by saying that I apologize for Vinyl’s uncouth behavior and unsympathetic disposition, it’s just the way she is. Also my condolences to you... I can’t imagine what you must be going through.

Now then what my lovely companion said... for the most part is true. Our dear friend Pygmalion did arrive at our doorstep asking for assistance. He expressed great interest in being on our show with a level of vigor I’ve never seen before... I dare say I’ve never seen him act like this.

Now obviously you are not required nor expected to do us any kind of favor, and I feel that you would be well within your right to ignore our request. Having said that, I did promise Pygmalion that I would at least attempt to convince you so for now just here me out.

From a purely practical point of view I am given to believe that with Trixie’s interview being aired you are in need of a pony to act as a backup in case of emergencies. I’m sure you’ve undoubtedly figured out where I’m going with this. If you agree to interview Pygmalion you’d have some security in case of well... in case something like this happens again.

I won’t push the subject anymore than what has been said so I’ll end this by saying if you did do this for us we would be in your debt. And you could certainly do worse than Pygmalion.

Hope you feel better soon.

-Octavia

PPS: Sorry I sent this letter! Vinyl got me in an arm lock and wouldn’t let go till I agreed to do it!

-Spike

PPPPPPPPPS: Spike is a dirty liar! Also, or else.

-DJ Pon3

Even when they were separated by an entire realm of existence, Vinyl still found a way to give Jon a headache. Though he had to admit that her better half did have a good point. With his one and only backup log of a pony interview having been used recently, Jon was in the market for another emergency fallback tapping in case of emergency.

The problem he always had with this system was having someone not interesting enough to air live, but just interesting enough to save for later. Since this DJ Pygmalion was a virtual unknown to Jon meant he was the perfect contender for this project.

At first Jon didn’t like the idea of replacing what was once Trixie’s old spot as “backup pony”, but emotions aside, Jon still has a show to run. And the musical couple weren’t the only ones pushing Jon with this idea... his bosses from upstairs had a similar idea in mind ever since the incident. Jon still didn’t like the idea of having people trying to do his job for him, but at this point in time, he really didn’t care.

“Why not.” Jon sighed as he reached for his phone. “What’s the worse that can happen.”

A few button presses later the phone connected with his business partner from across worlds. He wasn’t expected to call Celestia today so she was just as surprised to hear from him as he was to be calling her.

“Why hello Jon!” She said immediately only to recoil her voice as if doing so was disrespectful. “I... I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today... How are you feeling?”

“Just fine.” He muttered as he rubbed his hand over his face. “Just... fine. Listen I need to talk to you about something.”

“Is it about the set I requested?” She asked “Because if you want it back after all, I can send it to you along with the equipment.”

“No, no, no it’s not that.” Jon assured her. “It’s actually about my show right now... I need you to send someone to me to be interviewed.”

“Goodness... so soon?” She said. “I thought for sure you’d stagger this out... but then again it is your show. So... who is the lucky pony?”

Before answering Jon picked up the note he has previously read to look back at the name of the mysterious new DJ who’s name he had already forgotten.

“Have you ever heard of... DJ Pygmalion” He asked.

“I... can’t say I have.” She answered.

“Me neither.” Jon admitted. “That’s why I want him on my show.”

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Round 2-- ding ding!

An eerie sense of Deja Vu sat heavily on Jon Stewart as he looked into the eyes of the monster before him. As far as he was concerned, he never wanted to see another Changeling for as long as he lived, and yet, it hadn’t even been a week since Queen Chrysalis attacked him in his own office, but here he was was alone in the same room with one her children.

Then once innocent and soft spoken Pygmalion had changed appearance into a Changeling drone, complete with insect wings, fangs, and shell shaded bug eyes. His body was coal black with his legs riddled with holes. In addition, his mane and tail were the same color of dark bluish grey and his eyes, which held no pupils, were the same shade of yellow as his headphones which were still wrapped around his neck.

He may of have been a lot smaller and less intimidating looking than his Queen counterpart, but the fear of being alone with one of these things was enough to paralyze Jon in his seat. His breathing became more rapid and he began to shake a bit.

Jon had unintentionally lied when he said “Nothing could surprise him anymore.” From where he was sitting, Jon was so startled by this sudden transformation that he forgot how to speak and had lost all the feelings in his arms and legs. About the only thing he did feel was a penetrating sensation as if someone had taken a long, white, hot metal rod and jammed it through his chest. It was the same feeling as when Chrysalis first threatened to harm his family.

Unbeknownst to the monster that was now looking at him, Jon was about to lie about something else he had said. Focusing all his strength in his right arm, Jon began to reach for something under his desk.

“Now, Mr. Stewart.” The Changeling said as he motioned with his hoof for him to calm down. “I know this may seem very unreal to you, but please believe when I say I mean you no harm... I only wish to talk to you about--”

With enough force to bust through a window, Jon threw an object to his left where it exploded after hitting against the wall, knocking over an award that was on display. The sound of it shattering into dozens of pieces caused the Changeling to jump back in shock. The real intention of this seemingly random display of recklessness was to actually get him to look away from Jon long enough for him to react. Which it did.

When the bewildered Changeling drone looked back at where Jon was sitting he was surprised yet again to see that he had already bolted over his desk and was already a couple feet away. In addition to fear, there was another leftover emotion in Jon’s heart from when Chrysalis invaded. Pure anger.

“WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!” The Changeling begged. “DON’T DO IT! I ALREADY SAID I’M--”

Before he could finish begging, Jon landed a punch so quickly, and with such force, that he tumbled to the ground from throwing himself off balance along with his target. Jon landed on his back but the changeling damn near flew across the room where he bounced off the side of a file cabinet.

It took him a few seconds to stagger back to his feet, whereupon Jon was already running towards him with a crazed look in his eye.

“Wait! The changeling exclaimed. “Please stop! I just want--” His vision blurred as Jon dealt a swift kick to his ribcage with such force that he once again was hurled across the room, landing headfirst against the side of the wall.

“YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN!” He roared as he picked up the Changeling’s body high above his head, only to slam him back to the ground as hard as he could.

“Mr... Stewart... please,” He said between fits of pain. “I’m not... here... to hurt you.”

“BULLSHIT!” Jon roared.

In blind fury, Jon took a step back and swung his leg forward, kicking him in the stomach so hard that he almost sprained his own ankle.

“Get up!” Jon yelled at his fallen adversary. When he didn’t move or say anything, except for coughing and gasping for breath, Jon very angrily kicked him in the stomach again. “I said, get up!”

Again the downed Changeling didn’t move so to “help” him, Jon bent over and grabbed him by his neck and, with very little effort, slammed him against the wall again. With him now pinned to the wall by his neck, the Changeling was now looking into Jon’s eyes. Eyes so filled with hate that they didn’t notice how defeated the injured creature was.

“Please... just listen.” He pleaded as he flailed to break free. His struggling and begging came to a halt when Jon increased the pressure on his neck, restricting so much air from his lungs that he started to fade a bit.

“When you see your boss back in Equestria... ” Jon said as he clenched his other hand into a fist right in front of him so he could see. “Tell her that this... this right here... THIS IS FOR TRIXIE!”

As if uttering his friends name was the magic word, Jon now found himself frozen in place, unable to move. He had channeled so much of his energy into one last final blow that, had the changeling not been there, he very well could have punched a hole through the wall, but the battered changeling was there, and as a result, Jon was unable to move.

The same sense of Deja Vu was once again overpowering Jon for, as hard as he tried, he couldn't will himself to go through with this last attack, and like before, the reason why was magic. Since only certain Changelings could use magic (like the queen), the only use for the horns on a Changeling’s head was to change their appearance. Which is why Jon couldn't move.

Within a split second, Jon was no longer holding up the yellow eyed Changeling, but instead his dear friend, and family member, Trixie. Jon knew all too well that the pony he was throttling wasn’t really Trixie, but rather the one claiming to be Pygmalion disguised as her. Jon knew this, but even still... seeing his friend again, even like this, was enough to flumix him.

The Changeling had replicated the appearance of the blue magician perfectly to the point where he momentarily fooled Jon, even though he saw him transform. This new appearance was complete with Trixie’s correct color scheme, hairstyle, and even her cape and hat. The only part that could be considered inaccurate was the bruises on her face and the speck of blood in the corner of her mouth.

“This... this isn’t Trixie.” Jon thought to himself as held back tears of pain. “It... it can’t be.” Half of him wanted to let go while the other side wanted to finish what he had started. Even though his brain assured him that this was all a trick, his body just couldn't go through with it... he couldn't hurt his friend, even if it was just a representation.

Jon had heard of "out of body experiences" before, but never did he experience one until right now. He could swear he saw himself pinning a battered and beaten Trixie up against the wall with gritted teeth and clenched fist... it was a sight that sickened him. The combination of seeing his friend again and knowing it was because of him that she looked like that made tears fall down Jon’s face. He didn’t know what to do.

“Jon.” The disguised Changeling said. “Please stop.” It was her voice; Jon could take it no longer.

With a yelp, Jon let go of his defeated enemy and recoiled his hand to his chest as if he was just bitten by a beast. The injured intruder fell to the ground where he used what little strength he had left to climb to his feet. For a full minute the two said nothing to each other but instead focused on collecting themselves. The Changeling with breathing and tending to his injuries, and Jon with trying to pull himself back together after the initial shock, which destroyed the bedrock of his mental stability. After an appropriate amount of time passed, Jon slowly lifted his arm to point at his once victim.

“How dare you.” He said, his expression still in a frozen state of horror. “Change. Back... Now!”

“I... I will.” The Changeling said. “But first, you have to promise to hear me out and that you won’t attack me again.”

Normally Jon would have decked him in the face again for having the nerve to demand anything from him, but as long as he was in his Trixie form, Jon wouldn't lay a finger on him.

“And this time... you have to mean it.” He added.

Even though Jon was always a man of his word, he convinced himself that breaking the Changeling’s initial promise was acceptable, given the situation, but now things were different. Breaking a promise to a monster was one thing but he could never do it to Trixie... even if it was a Changeling that just looked liked her.

“Fine.” Jon sneered as he unclenched his fist. “... I promise.”

The two exchanged no words for the new few seconds, but just stared at each other to gauge each other’s reactions. For the Changeling, it was a fifty/fifty shot that he was telling the truth, but something told him that he was being genuine this time. So, with a deep sigh, the Changeling negated his own spell and returned to his true, monstrous form.

The second he did, Jon took a step forward which caused the intruder to step back in a panic, but when Jon didn’t follow through with any more surprise attacks, he realized that he was indeed safe and that Jon wouldn't hurt him. But he wanted to... nothing would have made Jon more happy then letting out more steam, but he just didn’t have the heart.

“Thank you.” The changeling said, which caused Jon to purse his lips and take a long deep breath through his mouth which sounded more like growing than a sigh.

“What do you want.” Jon asked.

“Well... I’m here because I wan... well actually first, because there’s something that... I have something to say.” He said.

“And what... would that be.” Jon ventured.

“Mr. Stewart.” He murmured as he looked away with sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Pygmalion or Ryne

The more he thought about it, the more he he felt stupid for agreeing to listen to the creature that infiltrated his office.

When Trixie still lived in the same house as Jon, she made him promise that he wouldn’t turn her over to Celestia for traveling to the human world without permission. Even when she annoyed Jon the most, he always kept his promise, so even when someone who looked, acted, and sounded like Trixie presented him with similar proposal he still felt honor bound. Even though the person in question was another Changeling like the one who almost killed Trixie Jon still couldn't break his promise... very stupid.

“So very, very sorry.” The Changeling repeated.

“Sorry for what?” Jon asked with angry eyes that were aimed squarely at his Changeling adversary.

“Sorry for... well, a lot of things actually.” He claimed. “Firstly for turning into your friend Trixie... It was a cheap shot, but... it was the only way to get you to stop and listen to me.” To show why he had to do what he did the Changeling rubbed his stomach where he had been kicked a few times. At the time Jon still felt proud of himself.

“Also, I’m sorry for deceiving my way into your world, I just... had to see you and explain something to you... which brings me to my next point.” The apologetic creature continued, before bowing his head, taking a deep breath and looking back at Jon with sorry eyes. “I’m so sorry for what my Queen did to you.”

Since the attack, Jon had received his fair share of apologies from a lot of people. From fans of the show who were giving him condolences, to even Celestia herself who, like Jon, felt partially responsible for what happened, but never did Jon think he’d be hearing it from a Changeling, a servant of the very person who set this all in motion.

For some odd reason, rather than thinking that this was a cynical attempt to enact round two of the full on invasion, something about this Changeling’s heartfelt apology seemed genuine. Or at least genuine enough for Jon to hear him out.

“You... are?” Jon asked.

“Yes, I mean... what she did was... horrible.” He continued. “Word travels fast in Equestria and when I heard about what she did and... and how she did it... I knew I had to come here.”

There was a niggling suspicion in Jon’s mind that his intentions were more than just that, but for the sake out of sheer curiosity, he decided to stay on track.

“Shouldn’t you be mad at me?” Jon asked. “You do know that because of us, your mom was almost imprisoned at Canterlot Castle right... last I saw her, she was in really bad shape.” Talking about how much Chrysalis was injured from her last visit made Jon smile a bit.

“She’s not my mother.” The creature corrected in a slightly sullen town of voice. “I mean yes... she’s the leader of the Changelings... but not all of them.”

Sensing that there would be a lot to talk about, Jon, without breaking eye contact, walked behind his desk, picked up his fallen chair, and sat down.

“Explain.” Jon demanded. To get a better view of Jon from his now perched spot, the once disguised Changeling flew to a seat across from the desk.

“To put it simply... Queen Chrysalis controls a large colony of Changelings back in their domain.” He explained. “Have you ever heard of how we came to be who we are.”

“I have.” Jon answered. “You were once all ponies until a dark magic corrupted you... and turned you into monsters.” The way he explained it made both parties cringe.

“Yes well... some of us were only partially changed.” He explained, causing Jon to lift an eyebrow as this new information. “Every single one of us were altered physically... but some of us retained our minds. For some of us, in rare cases, the corruption only changed the outside and not the inside... Most, if not all, of these particular Changelings either left the colony to form a peaceful group or went out on their own to pursue their dreams.”

Like many ponies in Equestria, Jon did not know this.

“I am one of the few who kept their sanity.” He went on. “We aren’t like the others.”

“Hmph. Well obviously you are. Stealing another pony’s identity to sneak your way into my world seems pretty typical behavior from where I’m sitting” Jon sneered, his words as hurtful as one would expect. “Tell me, young man, what did you do to the real DJ Pygmalion, huh? Did you ask nicely before taking his place, or did you physically force him to go along with this.”

“Well... actually... ” He said. “I... I am DJ Pygmalion.”

The assumption on Jon’s part that all Changelings were ravaging monsters who went around stealing ponies in the dead of night was now slowly starting to peel away.

“Wait... you’re Pygmalion?” Jon asked. “As in... the one that Octavia and Vinyl talked about?”

“Remember when I said how some of the Changelings... who left the colony branched out on their own to do pursue their own calling?” He asked, getting a tentative nod in return. “That’s what I did... to follow my dream of being a musician... which would be difficult if everyone saw you as a monster so... I came up with DJ Pygmalion.”

When he finished his explanation, by uttering his name, he briefly turned back into his grey coated and oranged main form before quickly transforming back.

“Wait... so... the pony everyone knows as DJ Pygmalion... is actually... you?” Jon ventured further.

“Yeah, it’s complicated I know, but... it was the only way I could survive outside the colony.” Pygmalion explained.

“Is that how you managed to get here?” Jon wondered out loud.

“Exactly... I didn’t technically sneak in.” Pygmalion added. “Since the attack on your world, Princess Celestia has been doing routine magical background checks to make sure that everypony is who they say they are to be sure the same thing doesn’t happen again. When you allowed me to come here, she did the same with me... and determined that I was indeed DJ Pygmalion... not knowing that Pygmalion was a Changeling the entire time.”

It was more or less at this point that Jon was wondering whether this one little Changeling was a genius, extremely lucky, or if Celestia sucked at doing her job.

“So... DJ Pygmalion... is actually a Changeling.” Jon summarized.

“Yes, but that wasn’t always my name.” Pygmalion corrected. “It’s just the stage name I created for myself when I set out on my own... my name... the name that the Changelings know me as is Ryne.”

Leaning back in his seat, Jon rubbed his eyes with his left hand and slid it down across his face. This was all a lot to take in.

“Ok Ryne... tell me... Why are you here?” Jon asked.

“Huh?” Ryne responded.

“You heard me... Why are you here?” Jon repeated. “You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought, and don’t tell me it was just to apologize because I know it had to be more than just that.”

“Um... yeah there is.” Ryne whimpered. Jon leaned forward in anticipation with an idea of what he would say, he just wanted to hear him say it. “With your permission... I’d like to be on your show.”

“Of course.” Jon thought to himself. “It never changes.”

“Please just hear me out.” Ryne said, his front hooves now on top of Jon’s desk. “I can certainly understand why you’d be reluctant, but let me explain.” Before he could however, Jon interjected.

“You must think I’m some kind of extraordinary idiot.” Jon rebutted.

“NO! Not at all!” Ryne insisted. “Please, I just need to--”

“What you need?” Jon interrupted. “No... let me tell you what I need... I need to look out for myself and the well-being of my family, I need to do my job without fear that some creature who may or may not be a monster will show up, and damnit, I need my friend back!”

With heavy breathing, Jon sat back down his chair while Ryne respectfully stayed silent and waited until it was his turn to speak.

“Again... I’m sorry for what happened to Trixie. But you see... that’s why I want to go on your show.” Ryne explained with sad eyes. “Mr. Stewart... back home, we Changelings are looked at as monsters, and ever since the wedding incident and what happened with you... it’s gotten worse.”

Jon found it difficult to feel sympathetic for him, but out of misguided respect he listened.

“Some ponies have even talked about... getting rid of us for good, and that scares me.” Ryne gulped. “There are others out there, like me, who are just trying to do good, but without proper context nopony will ever know of them... It’s difficult to build good relations with the ponies in Equestria when all the Changelings who do good are in hiding and the ones under Chrysalis are out there causing trouble... which is why I came here today to ask for your help... please... let me use your show as a conduit... to explain to the world that not all Changelings are bad.”

If there was a theme to how Jon was feeling at that very moment, it would be “internal conflict.” He was now starting to feel swayed by the words of this seemingly kind hearted creature, but on the other hand he couldn't help but see him as a physical symbol of that that had happened to him.

“You’ll forgive me if I’m not... very enthusiastic about your proposal.” Jon commented. “I’m not sure if you’ve heard or not, but the last time a Changeling wanted to be on my show, it didn’t turn out so well... could be another evil, albeit risky, attempt to just use my show to gain power, just from a different angle... for all I know, you saw Chrysalis do this and decided to try it yourself.”

“And I understand that, but... but here! I’ll make it easy for you! We can do the show off the air on recording... that way you’ll know for sure that I won’t gain any power from people who are watching. I just want to spread my message of peace and love, I don’t care when you air it... also I’ll stay in my Unicorn form so as to not arouse any suspicion or chaos... I just want to spread my message.” Ryne said with a determined look on his face. Before continuing, he flew across the table, grabbed Jon’s cell phone from off his desk. “And if that’s not enough, here... if you truly want nothing to do with me and my plan, you can call Celestia and turn me in... as Ryne the Changeling.”

A look of surprise, greater than when he first discovered that Pygmalion was a Changeling, appeared on Jon’s face. Now there was no longer any doubt in Jon’s mind that this creature was the real deal.

“But... if you want to help me... you can call her and tell her that DJ Pygmalion made it alright and he’ll be on the show.” He continued. “The choice is yours.”

A silence in the room soon followed with the only person making any noise was Ryne whose wings buzzed as he hovered over Jon with his own phone in his hooves. Jon didn’t know what to say or do, about all he could do was look upwards at the Changeling drone, and he found him surprisingly less terrifying than before. As if his hand was moving on it’s own, Jon reached forward and grabbed his personal device, whereupon he made a few finger gestures and looked back up at Ryne.

“You do realize, all I’ll have to do is say the word... and Celestia will use her magic to do god knows what to you.” Jon warned.

“I know,” Ryne said.

“I mean she sent her own sister to the moon.” Jon added. “Imagine what she’d do to you.”

“I well aware... but... I trust you.” Ryne assured him. Placing his phone on his desk Jon took a deep breath stood up to look him in the eye.

“But why me?” Jon asked. “Why come to me for your Changeling baggage. Why... why didn’t you go to Celestia after Chrysalis invaded Canterlot with the same idea?”

“Are you kidding!? Do you know what she would have done with me?” Ryne answered. “After the wedding disaster, we became the number one hate figure... plus given the history prior to that, if I had gone to her, she would have imprisoned me for sure... I came to you because I knew you’d be more understanding.”

If he was trying to guilt Jon into submission, he was certainly doing a good job of it. When he received fan mail while in the hospital, he recalled reading a few with some less than appropriate words about the Changeling species.

“Plus with your show, you have a greater influence than Celestia could ever have... with my identity being closely kept secret enough to slip by and the fact that two of my friends had already been on your show, I knew that I was in the perfect position to do this.” Ryne continued. “I know you don’t owe me anything and I would perfectly understand if you wanted to send me packing but... please... please, do this for me... I know we Changelings aren’t your favorite bunch of creatures but... what Chrysalis did... and the way she makes us all look bad I... It’s... DAMNIT, IT’S NOT FAIR!”

No one was more surprised by Ryne’s outburst than Ryne himself. He was so surprised, in fact, that he quickly flew back to his seat across from Jon and eagerly awaited to see what the famous comedian would do next. For a while, he did nothing but stare at Ryne with a seemingly emotionless face before slowly lifting his hand to press a single button on his phone.

Ring ring ring

Jon had now dialed Celestia's number, but since it was on speaker so both he and Ryne could hear it. This made the Changeling drone nervous since he was going to hear for himself his own fate. Would Jon choose DJ Pygmalion or Ryne?

Episode 16 [Changeling]: My terms

The time between Jon calling Celestia and her actually answering seemed to have lasted an eternity to Ryne. He didn’t even hear the phone’s ringing, he was too distracted by the thought that whatever Jon would say would determine how the rest of his life would play out. He eventually sat up and took notice when a voice found its way to the surface.

“Greetings once again, Jon.” Celestia said, her voice just as smooth and tender as always. “I’m assuming you are calling about your guest... or perhaps for some other reason.”

“No, no, I’m here to tell talk about the pony you sent me.” Jon answered, speaking in a tone like he was talking about an order he had shipped over Amazon or eBay.

“Ah, excellent.” She retorted. “Tell me... did he arrive alright?”

Despite his wife’s best efforts to keep it healthy, Jon’s heart was now racing at a high rate. The way both he and Ryne stared at the device before them, with such intensity and uncertainty, it looked like they were trying to disarm a bomb rather than having a conference call.

“Jon? Hello, Jon?” Celestia repeated. “Did you hear me?”

“Yeah... yeah, I heard you.” Jon answered. “And yes... DJ Pygmalion made it alright.”

Hearing his stage name made the wayward Changeling so happy that he silently jumped in the air and, before landing back in his seat, turned back to the form he originally used to trick Celestia.

“One more thing.” Jon added, “His real name is Ryne and he’s also a Changeling.” and just like that, the once happy Ryne lost all feeling in his body to the point where he couldn't control his shapeshifting for the time being, so he returned to his original form.

For the next few seconds, no one said a word. Jon just sat in his seat waiting to explain while Celestia was busily trying to process this new information.

“WHAT!” She yelled. “What did you say!”

“I said that Pygmalion made it here, but at the same time, he is also a changeling.” Jon repeated. Having been betrayed by Jon, it felt like the world was pulled out from under Ryne. He didn’t say anything to defend himself or run away, he just sat back with quivering lips as tears began to distort his vision.

“I... I sent you a Changeling instead of Pygmalion!?” She yelled in disbelief.

“Well actually, the two are one in the same... it’s kinda complicated, but I’ll explain later.” Jon assured her.

“J-Jon, please forgive me!” Celestia roared as she made plans for an extraction spell. “Get as far away from the beast as you can, I’m going to cast a series of spells to subdue him.”

At this point, Ryne now felt like maybe he should run away or at least try to avoid capture, but in the end he decided to stay put; he made a promise to Jon and he was going to keep it by staying put. However, even if he wanted to leave, he wouldn't have been able to because, at that moment, Jon reached forward and defiantly grabbed his hoof.

“Actually, he’s not going anywhere.” He said as he firmly tightened his grip.

“...Excuse me... ” Celestia gasped.

“I said, he’s not going anywhere.” He repeated. “We talked and I’ve decided to have him on my show as is, so please... don’t take him away.”

Sensing that Jon was serious, both by his tone and the fact that she could sense that he was within close proximately to Ryne, she momentarily disarmed her horn.

“Jon, this isn’t funny!” She chided. “Get away from that creature! You don’t know what they are capable of.”

“Really?” Jon challenged. “You think that I,of all people, don't know what a Changeling can do.”

Celestia now felt stupid for her lapse in memory.

“I’m... you know what I mean, Jon.” She rebutted. “But please, do as I say! We need to get this thing out of your world and back to--”

“This thing has a name.” Jon interrupted. “His name is Ryne... he’s a DJ under the stage name Pygmalion and he’s going to be on my show.”

“Jon... ” She said. “I don’t know what... this Ryne said to you, but I highly advise you not do this.” Sitting back in his chair, Jon took a deep breath to steady his nerves. Going up against Celestia was a lot harder than he thought it would be.

“Celestia, do you remember what you told me back when I was in the hospital of Canterlot Castle, right after the attack?” Jon asked. When he didn’t get an answer back he filled in the blanks for her. “You said if there was anything you could do to make it up to me, that you’d do it... well I’m cashing in that favor... I want Ryne as my next guest.”

The more she thought about it, the more she began to realize just how much danger Jon was in... that is to say, almost none at all. A single Changeling on their own couldn’t do that much damage, especially since, unlike their Queen, they can’t use magic outside their natural ability to shapeshift, but still... she didn’t like any of this.

“If... if that is what you really want... then...against by better judgement... I... I will allow it.” She reluctantly agreed. “But I would like it to go on record that I am very disappointed in your decision and believe it to be very irresponsible on your part.”

“Duly noted.” Jon responded as he pressed a button on his other phone, signaling for someone. “I need to go and get things ready... we’ll talk later, but for now, thank you for agreeing with me.”

The two said their goodbyes with Celestia sounding the more distraught out of the two. As Jon put his phone back in his breast pocket, he looked over at Ryne who still looked to be in a state of disbelief. The new silence was first shattered by the

“I... I don’t understand.” Ryne admitted. “Why agree to have me and out me as a Changeling at the same time.”

“Because, if this is going to happen, then we’re doing it by my terms.” Jon answered. “You want to explain about how some Changelings are all about hugs and rainbows, that’s fine... but on my show, we’re going to have complete transparency.”

“But... but if Celestia knows I’m a changeling,” Ryne ventured with shifting eyes. “I mean, when I return home, won’t she just--”

“You let me worry about Celestia.” Jon demanded. “I’ll work things out with her... You just worry about the interview... because as far as I’m concerned... it’s going to happen.”

At that moment, the door to Jon’s office swung open, followed by a skinny male asian with tan skin and dark black hair walking in. This once intern was now a full on employee well on his way to becoming a Daily Show veteran so, at this point, he had seen his fair share of creatures come from Equestria, but when laid eyes on Ryne, he was somewhat startled.

“Uh... what’s up, boss?” He said.

“Ah, perfect timing!” Jon said as he got up and put a hand behind his guest and brought him across the room. “Ryne, this is one of my best employees, Fred Kim. Mr. Kim here will be escorting you to the dressing room where he will inform you on what to expect. Freddy... do take care of our guest, will you.”

“Uh, sure thing.” He said as he reached out to grab Ryne’s hoof. “It’s just down the hallways.”

As the two of them left hand in hoof, Jon retreated back to his desk as he still had some more phone calls to make. Before the two actually left, Jon called out one last time.

“One more thing, Ryne.” He announced. “I have to ask you something... something which, fair warning, I will ask you again on the show.”

“Y-yeah?” Ryne indulged, still unsure of what was going on.

“Why... would you risk everything... to help those who only do you harm?” He asked. “Granted, it seems that there are some Changelings who are nice like you... but... why associate yourself with Changelings even a little... you’ve escaped the colony with your mind intact and you’ve created a life for yourself... a life where you are beloved and tolerated, not hated... why would you risk all of that.”

Instead of answering immediately, Ryne thought long and hard about it, letting the question fester for a while.

“To be honest... I just... when I heard about what Chrysalis did... and when I made the connection that I was in the perfect position to do something about it... I just felt like it was my duty to make the change happen.” Ryne answered. “I remember very clearly the moment I decided to do this... it was when I watched your interview with Princess Luna.”

“Really?” Jon wondered. “Why that?” Before answering, Ryne looked away like he was hiding something before addressing him.

“Because... during the interview... you said all Changelings are evil... that really hurt me.” Ryne revealed with a sad look about him. “I know... you of all people would probably have the right to say something like that, but... it’s not right to assume that all Changelings are evil based on the actions of one group.”

His words, though simple, felt to Jon as if some had stabbed him multiple times with sharpened knives. He was so overcome with emotions that that he fell back, whereupon he was caught by his chair. The tension was so thick that Fred couldn't wait to leave.

“Um... anything else, boss?” Fred said, only to get a wave of the hand by Jon for him to leave. Before doing so, he bent down to grab Ryne’s hoof again. “Okay, c’mon little dude. Let’s get outta here.”

Jon was now alone in his office with only his thoughts keeping him company. There was so much new information to take in and Jon had to categorize them all and try to make sense of it. It was during this intense session of self reflection that Jon came to a decision. Quickly he picked up his phone and made a call to another department in the office.

“Hello Selina? It’s me Jon.” He said “Listen there have been a change in plans with the show tonight, so please listen.”

After a quick back and forth with his assistant which played out not unlike his conversation with Celestia, Selina agreed to set some things up. Having set his plan into motion, Jon got up from his seat and walked a few inches behind him to the window of his office where he could see his beloved city of New York.

Memories from a time gone by flooded in while the knowledge that Equestria was just beyond the realm of this world crept it’s way to the surface.

“Oh boy,” Jon sighed as he rubbed his tired face. “I hope I know what I’m doing.”

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Please welcome to the show Ryne, a Changeling

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Ryne the Changeling (DJ Pygmalion)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

Every time someone from Equestria was to be interviewed by Jon on his show, he found that, for the most part, he wasn’t the one who spent the most time with them. In actuality he would, on average, only interact with them for about thirty minutes while his staff and crew would prep them backstage for hours, and it was during these behind-the-scenes interactions that the Daily Show employee’s learned just as much about the guest as Jon did on stage, if not more.

For example: It was only while getting Ryne ready for his debut appearances did the good people at Daily Show headquarters learn about the redundancy of having a makeup department filled with Cosmetology professionals when dealing with someone who can change their appearance.

At first, one woman proposed the idea of covering Ryne’s entire body with a type of cream that would make his black exterior easier to see on camera. A valid idea until he carefully explained to them that this wouldn’t be necessary since he would be in his DJ Pygmalion form for the entire interview. That, and even if he did want to go on TV in his Changeling state, he could just simply change the tone of his body like a chameleon.

The second needless application on the part of the staff was when a group of college interns suggested that some work should be done on his face, as it still showed signs of bruises and cuts from when he and Jon had met.

After explaining that it was all a misunderstanding, Ryne then proceeded to use his unique magic ability to give the appearance that his face was in fact untarnished. The blemishes were still present, but no one could see them, rendering any further input on the makeup girls entirely pointless.

So, for the remainder of the time that would have been spent delicately applying makeup, was instead used by various Daily Show crew members requesting that Ryne change to look like their favorite celebrities or cartoon characters, only to have their suggestions politely declined.

While this was going on, Jon was busy with his own form of pre-show preparations. For the majority of the time leading up to an actual tapping or airing, he would either work out some last minute ideas with his writers or, if the script was just right, do some rehearsals on the stage while the cameras were off.

This time however, he was held up in his office while a desperate Celestia pleaded for him to reconsider his stance of having a Changeling on the Show. She begged him to allow Ryne’s extraction and tried to convince him that this was a huge mistake and that he was way over his head. But like with congress, Republicans, and his wife after the time he suggested a new position, Jon would not negotiate, compromise, or give in.

Although she was adamantly against the idea, she respected Jon enough to not take away his guest from his own world without his direct approval. After she exhausted every possible excuse for not having Ryne on the show, Jon carefully explained his plan to her... this in turn only made her dislike the idea even more and rehash every point she had previously made, only now with a louder voice.

Jon carefully, though insistently, explained to Celestia what was going to happen, what he was expecting to happen afterwards, and, most importantly, why he was doing it in the first place. It wasn’t until Jon explained the “why” portion of his plan did she finally give up trying to convince him otherwise and gave him her blessings. With their friendship still intact, and a royal guarantee of what would happen after the show, the two of them went about their business.

To be honest, for all his defending and grandstanding of his own idea, Jon was still unsure if what he was doing was entirely on the level. Sure, in his mind, he knew what he was doing was in just cause, but his gut still turned over the idea. It wasn’t until he thought about another pony he had on his show... a pony who was also misunderstood and was currently waiting for him back in Equestria, did Jon throw away any assemblance of doubt into the darkest corners of his mind.

Even with Jon’s previous announcement over twitter that tonight’s interview wouldn't be Equestrian, live, or filmed, quite a few people showed up outside the building anyways. Most of them were unaware of the show’s scheduling, or it’s now rescheduled slot appearance, and were then granted entry out of sheer dumb luck.

This meant that the sound of people chanting, yelling, and applauding was heard throughout most of the building as the camera zoomed in on Jon after the opening segment to the sound of music and the announcer assuring those who were to watch this later on that this was indeed “The Daily Show.”

And it was this same level of enthusiasm that also greeted Jon when that very same camera did it’s usual sweep before zooming in on him after the second commercial break ended, meaning that what came next was the main event.

“Hey Welcome back to the Daily Show my Guest tonight.” Jon struggled to yell over the crowd. “He is a musician from Equestria and a shape shifter from the colony of Changelings.”

“I bet our guy was the one on the left.” Jon joked, after pretending to be awoken from his trance. Please welcome to the show DJ Pygmalion, also known as Ryne the Changeling.”

The camera did it’s usual transition to the side of the stage where it took a good few seconds before someone emerged from behind the scenes. Eventually though, a lone figure began to walk out into the light while the crowd cheered for things to get started alongside the sound of overhead music.

What the crowd saw was a Unicorn slowly and cautiously making it’s way to the main desk as if the stage was layered with hot coals. Jon wasn’t surprised to see that Ryne had decided to come out for his taped interview under his DJ persona, even after he had been outed. For now, though, he was content with letting him stay like this. For the most part, Ryne’s eyes were locked onto Jon as he made his way to the very center of the stage, but at one point, when he was a few feet away from the desk, he looked to the audience who were yelling at him. Not out of anger, but out of anticipation, which as a DJ he was no stranger to, but this time... felt different.

The cheering began to subside once Jon shook Ryne’s hoof and the two took their respective seats. Ryne himself didn’t think he’d actually get this far in his ‘plan’ to speak his mind about Changelings which made him briefly think that perhaps this was all just some kind of dream. The sound of Jon’s opening snapped him out of whatever euphoric trance which had brought him up to this point.

“Thank you very much for being here, Mr. Pygmalion.” Jon said as he sat down and motioned for his guest to do the same. “Now just so the, uh... the, uh, audience at home can... can, can, can get an idea of what we’re dealing with here... That’s not your... your real name and this isn’t your real form... is it?”

“Err... no it isn’t, M-m-mister Stewart, uh, Jon, I mean, if you prefer-” Ryne struggled since he assumed that Jon wouldn't bring up this point so soon. With a sigh, he stopped to catch his breath and glance over at the bewildered audience as Jon just stared at him. “Umm... w-was that my cue?”

The members of the audience who weren’t still fixated on what Jon has hinted at laughed at the guest’s awkward demeanor.

“So help me god. Ryne, if you mess this up, I will have both you and me go backstage and start all over again if I have to!” Jon teased in a tone he thought wasn’t too serious sounding.

“Alright, alright!” Ryne pleaded as his face tensed up, causing the hidden bruises suffered at the hands of Jon to burn.

“Honestly though, don’t worry... you’re doing fine” Jon assured him as he straightened his suit and sat up tall. “And since we’re in the business of changing names, here and there, I uh, am no longer Jon Stewart. You may call me Han Solo.”

“Hand-sir-what-now?” Ryne asked with a confused look about him.

“Han... Han Solo... you know: George Lucas, Empire strikes back, New Hope?” Jon listed which still got him a look of confusion. Jon would have continued to give examples, but doing so would have been as productive as talking to a brick wall. “...Ryne... you do know what ‘Star Wars’ is... right?”

“Umm... well... I... ” Ryne mumbled as he tried his best to conjure all the knowledge he had ever absorbed by watching programs from the human world, which, considering signal strength and his not owning of a TV, meant it wasn’t very much. Even still, he didn’t want to disappoint so he tried his best. “I mean s-sure I know who Han Solo is! He's uh... he's... isn't he that guy from the mesothelioma commercials?"

“Get the hell off of my stage.” Jon sneered in an obviously fake tone which got him nothing but laughter from the audience and a blush out of his guest. It was only after the room became quiet again did Jon return to his previous topic point. “In uh... in all seriousness though... the reason I wanted you... here today is because I want to talk with the real you... I know this is sort of a taboo thing for uh... for the-- for your species, but could you show the folks at home... who you really are?”

The idea of outing himself to millions upon millions of complete strangers, and indeed everyone he knew back home, was a scenario that Ryne never even considered when he first thought about smuggling himself into Jon’s world. Since the day he left the colony, he always had the mentality of making sure no one ever found out he was in fact one of Chrysalis’ children.

That mentality still followed him even now so in a cynical attempt to avoid this, he decided to stall for time by any means necessary.

“W-well, I’m not a stripper, Jon.” Ryne blurted with shifty eyes. “I-I can’t just start flashing a crowd the instant you tell me to.”

“Okay... there are two points in your last statement that I feel needs to, uh, be addressed... One: I think it’s adorable that you assume anyone, besides stoners and nerdy political science majors, actually watch this show... ” Jon listed as he held a single finger in the air. “And two... Oh my god, there are strippers in Equestria!” This hitherto unknown piece of information was just enough for Jon to momentarily forget about what he was trying to accomplish and instead take notice while the crowd cheered and hooted.

“Y-yeah well... Okay look, have you ever wanted to see what Tartarus is like?” Ryne asked with a now serious face and tone that could’ve only been created from experience. “Go to an Equestrian night club. I mean... w-we’re all technically naked, so it takes a certain level of crazy to... raise a few brows back home.”

“What I want to know is-- I mean, you seem to be pretty well versed in the ins and outs with these types of establishments.” Jon hinted with a raised eyebrow and change in pitch as he pressed his finger against his lips. “Mind sharing with the rest of the class how you, you, you know of such things.”

“As much as I don’t want to say, I started off DJing at a... rather provocative outing, where positive emotions... are in excess.” Ryne admitted as he cringed to himself. “And I couldn't exactly go up to somepony and say ‘Hey, mind letting me possibly sucking all the happiness out of your life?’

“As a native, I should point out that you might be surprised at how many women in this city would fall for that line.” Jon joked getting a quick laugh from the audience.

“What I’m trying to say is, it wasn’t a good place to be known for your music, but... starvation wasn’t an option for me.” Ryne continued “When you’re starting off life as an insectoid shape-shifter that subsists on emotion, you don’t have that much options.”

“AHA! So you ARE a Changeling!” Jon pointed his finger and yelled causing his guest to flinch. With his own plan backfiring, Ryne was now left with a gaping mouth and restless legs.

“You, uh... you really get to the point about these types of things, don’t you?” Ryne pursed his lips as he rubbed the back of his head.

“I’ll remind you, we only have like five to seven minutes here.” Jon coughed as he pointed to an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“W-well... If you say so... ” Ryne sighed as he closed his eyes to concentrate. The audience had long since navigated themsevles to the edge of their seats before a bright teal burst of light flashed over Ryne, immediately transforming him into the creature of black tone and sharp fangs, otherwise known as a Changeling.

The process was so quick that the crowd didn’t even have time to register it. So, for a few moments, they were left too shocked to say anything. Even Ryne himself was surprised he actually did what he did. Also, since this interview would eventually be aired for the world to see, this was also the first time he revealed himself to those he knew back home. Rather than feeling relieved for coming clean, being in his Changeling form just made him feel dirty.

“So... hope you’re satisfied. I’m... myself now.” Ryne gulped as he waited for the sound of the men and women present in the building to start audibly expressing their disgust, but to his surprise... it never happened.

Ryne’s attention was now seized by the sound of humans jumping to their feet and shouting as loudly as they could, as if doing so would give them free money. Seeing an actual shape shifter was not something every human could say they’ve experienced seeing so, to see him effortlessly change his appearance was enough for them to cheer him on, begging for more. This acceptance caught Ryne by surprise; about the only thing he could do was stare confused as to why they weren’t horrified by him.

Once the crowd’s cheering began to dissipate at the request of Jon who was motioning for them to settle down, the interview continued.

“You know what, now... that I’ve given it some thought.” Jon said as he leaned back in his chair. “...I like your other look better.”

Again, the audience began to audibly express themselves, only this time by laughing at Ryne who was still too shocked by all that was occurring to say anything himself.

“So, this is your real form?” Jon asked and continued before getting a response. “I must say the difference between the two is... is amazing and... so can you-- so you can change your appearance to look... like anyone?”

His question was met with more uncertainty on Ryne’s part who had remained silent for awhile now. Jon tilting his head in anticipation caused him to speak.

“Oh, uh, YES!” Ryne blurted as he adjusted himself in his seat and stretched his wings. “I-I-If I get a good enough look at them... Yes, I could look like anypony.”

“Okay... okay... so when you say... anypony... that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re limited to just your own species right?” Jon ventured with a deviant look about him. “I mean if you wanted to, to, to I bet you could look like anyone... anyone.”

“You’re not thinking of... doing something with that, are you?” Ryne asked, feeling now slightly uncomfortable.

“Nooooo, no, no, no, of course not.” Jon assured him with an overly innocent smile. “I’m just saying I’m sure a talented young man like yourself could easily make himself look... look like any random old Jewish television host long enough to distract his wife while he sneaks around back and gets a reuben sandwich from the corner deli with a side of steak fries and a large pint of beer because damnit I’m hungry and can’t keep eating soy bread and lactose milk all my life... I mean you could do that... right?”

“I-I’m sure I could... but I’m also sure that your- I mean, that the wife of that certain host of a certain mildly politically correct comedy show wouldn’t take it too kindly... hypothetically speaking, of course.” Ryne answered.

“YOU HEAR THAT LARRY KING? YOU’RE ON THIN ICE!” Jon yelled at the camera while the audience laughed at the duo on stage. “So... while we’re still on the topic... I... wh-what... what made you decide to go for the look you were sporting... I mean back when you first arrived on stage... and in my office, with the orange hair and grey coat... tell us why go for that look?”

“Well, back when--” Ryne said before getting cut off.

“Because if I were you I’d make myself look like fanciest pony to ever exist.” Jon interrupted while making wild hand gestures. “I’m talking about golden hair... long legs... shiny tail, and a horn twice the size of my body... I assume that’s what all ponies want to look like.”

After the crowd was done laughing, Jon gave Ryne the alright to continue his explanation.

“Well, back when I was a Grubling, and I was starting off in this world... well, I was usually taught to look like the most mundane pony that would have ever existed. It's actually a tricky situation with Changelings. You can't be too fancy or else you'll attract to much attention, you'll risk getting caught.” Ryne explained. “Anyway... well, let’s just say that even Changelings go through that ‘rebellious’ phase, and next thing I knew, I went with what... I felt natural with it. I was myself, for once. It just so happened to look all too natural to what my future career would be... ”

“Now I learned... through a friend that all Changelings were once normal ponies... but then they got corrupted by dark magic... that altered both their physical appearances as well as their minds... right?” Jon asked.

“Eh, in laypony’s terms, yeah.” Ryne admitted before tilting his head to the sky.

“But then there’s you... you were-- you’re a rare subset of Changelings that actually didn’t lose their minds and got to retain your humanity” Jon continued, now wanting to get serious for a moment. “So, why didn’t you just make yourself look like... how you were BEFORE the corruption?”

“Because that life... is behind me now. The life of a Changeling before they actually became a changeling is a thing of the past, and while I sincerely hope that one day that will change, it can never be retained... so by... reinventing myself with this new image, I’m moving forward with my life.” Ryne expressed, causing everyone in the room to reexamine their own lives and try to imagine what it would be like to have their identity stolen from them permanently. “Also I... I always DID want an orange mane.”

With the levity now back and stronger than ever, both the audience and Jon broke into laughter, giving the guest of the night enough time to tilt his head forward and take a sip from his mug of water. After some time had passed, Jon continued to speak in between the occasional left over chuckle.

“But in terms of... of the here and now... right now you’re a Changeling, which I mean now, uh you... you don't exactly go around looking the way you actually are... and for a good reason... why... why do you feel the need to go-- to hide your real identity the way you do?” Jon asked, almost disappointed that he had the bring the flow of the interview back to a serious mood.

“Well, like I said before, with the basic mainstream belief that others have, of Changelings being ‘evil emotional vamponies’, it’s not exactly easy to get a meal for yourself, or do what you love, like your hobbies.” Ryne expressed. “Especially considering my race’s tendency to gain sustenance at all costs.”

“Okay, now bear in mind that we--th-that there some who watch this show that might not understand what we’re talking about.” Jon explained as he motioned to the cameras. “Could you please elaborate for those watching... the means by which a Changeling... basically feeds and... and, and, and generally stays alive?"

“Changelings... are pretty much what ponies make us out to be.” Ryne began as he occasionally looked directly at the camera. “We disguise ourselves, hence our namesake, to get close to ponies, gryphons, et cetera, and basically consume the love their family, life partner, or friend has for them, in their place... and that love... is sustenance for us.”

“I see... now this parasitic existence of, uh... of a Changeling, I just assumed... like many others, would-- is the universally accepted medium of attaining love for you guys.” Jon admitted. “But... but with you, I’m now forced to call that into question, I mean... I mean this image of Changelings lurking around at night looking for victims... how much of that applies to, say, someone like you?”

“Well, for somepony like me, it hardly applies... anymore.” Ryne corrected as the audience leaned in. “I consider myself, really, one of the lucky ones, as I’m one of the few of my race that has found less forceful methods of getting a meal, thankfully. I’m not sure if I’d revealed this before, b-but I’m sure you know of my hobby-turned-occupation for creating music?”

“That’s... that’s right! You’re a DJ.” Jon reminded himself as he leaned in and make gestures with his hand against the table. “Tell me and be honest... assuming for a moment... that I had no idea you were a Changeling... why should I have you on my show when I’ve already had two other musicians from your world as my guests... three, if you consider Zecora’s way of speaking to be freestylin.’”

“Well, I don’t mean to brag, but I feel like Octy and Vin... don’t get me wrong, I love those two very much, we go way back... but I feel like they're kinda lacking ‘substance’ in their music.” Ryne said as he quickly started to regret it. "Believe me when I say, those two are great but... Vinyl, despite her hidden talents for music, prefers to overload the senses with random recordings. I mean, this one time back at the academy... she turned in for a project, worth our entire quarter grade, a song... composed of various modified sounds... of her... inner bowel movements. How she got a passing grade in Musical Theory, I’ll never know... ”

Despite only interviewing, and indeed knowing, Vinyl for a short period of time, this scenario was so on the nose, Jon nearly banged his head against the table as he leaned forward and laughed so hard, he felt as if he would pass out.

“But, Octavia understands melody and conducts her music appropriately.” Ryne continued. “She has a firm grasp on the concept of flow and can really adjust her music to fit any occasion... her dexterity is beyond impressive and her cultural understanding of the arts makes her a true musician among ponies.”

“Buuuut?” Jon asked with a raised eyebrow.

“But... she can be kind of stuck-up at times.” Ryne added. Again, right on the nose.

“Stu... stuck up how?” Jon giggled

“Well... She despises eccentric innovation, and only concentrates on the norm.” Ryne explained. “About the only thing different she ever did was... Vinyl."

“Well, what about you?” Jon asked. “Is your style of music more refined, or do you also experiment with what can be done?”

“Well, both Vinyl and Octavia sort of influenced me to go my own route. My constant exposure to Vinyl’s... music during our school days left me traumatized, and I never could find the poetic calmness that Octavia found in classical.” Ryne explained, now more comfortable talking since it was about his own element. “So I tend to deviate towards my own tastes, a mix of the styles of glitch hop and electrohouse, and maybe some classical instrumentals just to see. Back in the day, there would be rants from Octavia on how both Vinyl and I waste our time making ‘noise’. So, yeah, I tend to experiment, and see what flows.”

“You’re not alone you know.” Jon revealed with an understanding nod of the head. “A lot of people experiment in college... like me, but I just ended up using... certain recreational... opiates, if you will, that would have made me really appreciate your type of music.”

“Heh, you don’t really seem like the type, Jon... of either of them, really.” Ryne chuckled.

“You say that now, but fun fact... I’m actually 30.” Jon joked as he rubbed his face. “And besides, why am I talking to YOU of all people about age... you’re a Changeling... y-y-your type can’t die as long as you have love plus, can’t you just make yourself LOOK younger than you actually are?”

“And how do you know that I’m not faking my age right now?” Ryne asked with a tilt of the head and a half smile.

“Really? Your name is DJ Pygmalion... you compose music that’s called ‘electrohouse,’ you’ve worked at strip clubs, and you carry a pair of headphones wherever you go,” Jon surmised in a placid tone. “You-- either you’re a young man with a lot of time on your hands, or you’re, you’re, you’re going through one HELL of a mid-life crisis.”

Ryne’s attempt to get the upper hand was once again thrown in his face by the more experienced Jon Stewart. Feeling that too much time was spent on him, he decided to try again to change the subject.

“Well, enough about me. What about you?” Ryne asked as he pointed his hoof with many holes at him. “You were almost president!”

“Excuse me?” Jon asked.

“Well, I watched your debate last year with that, what was that guy’s name? O’Malley? O’Reilly? Yeah, him!” Ryne Blurted. “I understand that your country’s leaders usually do debates like that, but I’m so sorry that you lost the election though... ”

It took Jon a moment to realize what his guest was referring to. It would seem that he had confused the mock-interview he had with Bill O'Reilly last year as the real McCoy. On reflection, a very easy mistake to make since the channels that Equestrians got from Earth was extremely limited, like their knowledge of human culture.

“Actually Ryne, there seems to be some confusion, you see... That guys name is Bill... Bill O’Reilly and he’s...” Jon stopped himself mid-sentence as a thought crossed his mind. According to the bean counters at Comedy Central the most watched interviews are the ones where Jon played on the ignorance of his Equestrian guests. It was a very easy thing to do and a cheap way to get funny results... Jon still found too much joy to be had in it. “He’s ...he’s a formidable foe I will say that... sadly, my run as president didn’t go as planned, but in the end, we came to an agreement.”

“And that agreement was?” Ryne wondered out loud.

“A very old, but still involving traditional that’s been practiced in American politics since the founding of our nation.” Jon explained as he placed a hand over his heart. “He got to be president and, for one night, we got to trade wives.”

“...I don’t know what to say.” Ryne said.

“Oh, and the perks don’t stop there!” Jon continued as a shocked Ryne looked on. “In addition to Bill’s wife, if America ever suffers from another civil war or some kind of nuclear apocalypse, I get Iowa.”

“By Celestia’s name... and they call Changelings heartless.” Ryne chuckled as he slowly started to see through his prank. “Well, at least you got some good pieces of land out of the deal.”

“Yeah, and getting Iowa wasn’t too bad either BOOM!” Jon roared as he pumped his fist. “BOOM!”

“...Why do I get the feeling that everything you’re telling me isn’t as straight as you make it out to be?” Ryne asked as he rolled his eyes which, since he had no pupils, just looked like he slightly tilted his head back and forth.

“I’ll have you know, everything I’ve said is the truth or my name isn’t Han Solo!” Jon said, only to get a look of disbelief from his guest. “Oh what, you don’t believe me?”

“Oh... it’s just a feeling I have.” Ryne insisted as he looked behind him to see many a Daily Show employee’s chuckling to themselves.

“Ooooh, so you think I’m deceiving you!?” Jon announced as he lifted a finger in the air. “You feel like... I’m, for lack of a better term, masking my true intentions... why it’s almost as if I’m putting on a, a, a disguise and made it seem like I’m someone I’m not through a clever ruse... but yeah, I’m sure you know nothing about what that feels like.”

Ryne didn’t respond, but instead glared at Jon. He wasn’t mad at him for what he said, no he was just concentrating on ever so slightly changing his appearance of his face. Keeping it at it’s usual black tone as to not reveal that he was blushing. The void that was left by his silence was instead filled by the crowd laughing.

“Now, going to the person in the room who isn’t half a century old... uh... um, what-- we know that your style of music was first inspired by your friendship with Octavia and Vinyl... but what made you want to pursue music in the first place?” Jon asked as Ryne took a deep breath.

“Well... I’ll have to answer that question with another question.” Ryne warned him before continuing. “Ever been in a Hive before?”

“Isn't 'Hive' the name of the new strip club down in the lower east side?” Jon asked, almost sounding too serious.

“Err... maybe I should elaborate. What really inspired me is the ambiance that you hear when you walk right into a Changeling Hive. Your whole entire life, you don’t have a single moment of silence to yourself, really. All you hear is this solid block of... ’noise’.” Ryne explained to Jon who, living in New York, knew the feeling. “Sometimes, it shifted into a rhythm or pattern, or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it randomly changed in pitch or tone. And the short amount of time I spent in a Hive, that was possibly one of the defining moments of my life. Just listening to the sheer noise... and really, I try to replicate it with my own music.”

“It... almost sounds like you... have fond memories of your time in the colony.” Jon carefully worded.

“Heh, a single good memory from only a bright few... but the colony did make me what I am today, so I guess that sometimes, misery actually turns into opportunity.” Ryne admitted with a guilty smile.

“You know, I’m not entirely sure it’s a point in your favor... to be comparing your music to the sound of the inside of an insect’s hive.” Jon joked.

Jon’s own version of endless noise in rhythm came in the form of the audience once again laughing at a now embarrassed Ryne.

“Although I find-- It’s almost poetic... in an ironic sense, to think that the sounds you heard in the hive were... were in a sense beautiful enough for you to leave.” Jon added. “Have you-- I know now you’re on your own and live among the ponies in Celestia’s kingdom, but do you ever visit your old hive... like maybe on holiday or something like like: ‘Hey Frank long time no see! How’s the the 80 identical children? Ah that’s great!’”

“Well, I could go back anytime I want... it’s just that my hive’s welcome wouldn’t be as genial as what you described.” Ryne said after a nervous cough.

“I know what you mean.” Jon acknowledged. “Family reunions can be a real pain in the ass.”

“The feeling’s mutual, Jon.” Ryne went on. “Though, I don’t think your family members would have the gall to tear you apart limb from limb.”

“You’ve never met my grandma.” Jon said before forcing out a shiver. “Now of course, as we all know you had... you left the colony to be a musician... and from what you’ve told us here today, a pretty successful one... so I’m sure... you’ve got a crazy story or two for... w-wha... what would you say... uh, is your most interesting... experience as a DJ?”

“I d-don’t know really... I mean, the shows that I go to are... tame, compared to Vinyl’s, where you can basically get a ‘third-hoof high’ from just staying in the same room as her events.” Ryne explained.

“Third-hoof high?” Jon asked.

“It’s... sorta hard to explain. Sometimes when unicorns hop themselves up, or get exposed to otherponies on... stimulants, they tend to lose control of their magic, and basically ‘influence’ their environment to be as... mellow as they are, I suppose.” Ryne said as he recalled the last time he DJ'd for party in a club. “Ever wonder why sometimes Vinyl wears a gas-mask in concerts? It’s not just because it’s a dubtrot fad.”

There were so many things Jon wanted to ask, but for the sake of the flow let them slide.

“Now... as a DJ... I mean here in the human world, we hold our performers to certain standards... in order to ascertain whether or not they are true musicians... I’d like to see if you fit the profile that we have established here... do you mind?” Jon asked.

“It’s not a problem.” Ryne commented, now very curious.

“Of the following... have you ever gotten in trouble for: domestic violence, drug possession, destruction of public property, drunk driving, falling in love with a stripper, having 99 problems, punching a hooker, hiring a hooker, being a hooker, or for some reason never taking your sunglasses off while indoors?”

“Jon, I assure you that my record’s clean, and that I’m not a criminal.” Ryne proudly confessed. “Or the type of pony with shades super glued to their eyes... sorry Vinyl.”

“Well then, better luck next year at the Grammys.” Jon expressed while dismissively arching his hand.

“These... ‘Grammy’s’ are awards of acclaim here, yes?” Ryne asked. “I’m not sure I’m cut out for that type of recognition... I mean Sapphire Shores can probably get one of these... ‘Grammy’s’ before I do... ”

“Sapphire who now?” Jon asked. “Who’s that... sounds like a shampoo my wife once tried to get me to use.”

“She’s a popular mainstream pop singer back in Equestria... she’s not known for using her authentic voice during her performances, if you know what I mean.” Ryne snickered.

“Nope... can’t say I’ve ever heard of her... I mean... the name sounds familiar... but... say actually... Hey Ryne buddy... mind doing your old pal Johnny a favor?” Jon asked with an innocent smile.

“Sure, man. I’d give you one of my kidneys if you needed one... well, at least I think I have a kidney.” Ryne said as he took a second to look at his own stomach. “It’s the least I can do for letting me be on your show.”

“Greeeeaaat... so you’ve... seen this... Sapphire Shores right?” Jon asked as he reached over to grab his hoof. “I mean you do know what she looks like and stuff... right?”

“...She’s a pop culture symbol. Sure, everypony knows what she looks like.” Ryne answered as he took back his hoof.

“Well... could you... I mean for me... could you please make yourself look like her.” Jon asked with a smile.

“What!?” Ryne exclaimed as his eyes lit up and he almost jumped out of his seat.

“Just for a second! I just want to see what she looks like and stuff... you know... in case I ever meet her.” Jon assured him.

“You know what? You can have that kidney now. Literally, right now. Just rip it right out.” Ryne blurted. “I’d rather be missing an organ than risk getting sued by Sapphire’s legal team.”

“Oh well, that’s too bad... because I’m sure everyone here was sooooooo looking forward to see you transform again... right guys” Jon announced to the those watching in the bleachers.

The old tactic of having one’s audience peer pressure someone into doing what you wanted is a host's tactic as old as time itself... and it works.

“Oh, fine.” Ryne moaned as he looked to the audience then back at Jon. “But only for a moment!”

“Exactly! Just for a moment!” Jon agreed.

“...I swear, if I get in a lawsuit because of this... ” Ryne complained right before the same bright burst of magic as before engulfed his body.

When everything was set and done, Jon was no longer looking at Ryne, but instead a new pony that looked absolutely nothing his guest. This new pony was, instead of black, cream colored and had an outfit on that was so complex and fanciful, a new word would’ve probably needed to be invented to adequately describe it.

Her mane, as the name suggested, was sapphire colored as was her tail. Her eyes were a light sunset yellow which contrasted with the purple makeup on her eyelids. These two colors could also be seen on her dress which came complete with matching shoes and a stylish, if tiny, top hat.

About the only thing about this pony that was even remotely similar to Jon’s guest was the look about her which was the same as Ryne’s; slightly annoyed.

“Wow” Jon said, still shocked by this sudden transformation. “So... so this is Sapphire Shores, huh... and you said she’s famous, right?”

“Yes... extremely.” Ryne bluntly said as he lifted his head to stretch his neck. “And she sounds a little bit like this, honey!”

The surprises continued as Ryne changed the tone of his voice to what could only be described as that of a sassy black woman.

“Oh god!” Jon exclaimed as he began to laugh and wave his hand like he was begging for him to stop. “Do... do me a favor... could ya... could ya just hold that pose for a second?”

“Err... if you insist... but I hope you know how uncomfortable this makes me.” Ryne advised, still using his sapphire voice as he shifted in his seat.

“Don’t worry you’re pretty little head... just... stay... right... there!” Jon blurted as he turned to the camera and began to play with his notes. “Hey everyone welcome back to the Daily Show! I’m here with my Guest, Sapphire Shores, who has graciously come to the show today to talk about her new album! So Sapphire, how has the tour been treating ya?”

The crowd, which knew this was just a joke, played along by cheering and applauding beautifully in perfect time as if it was an actual opening to an episode. This coupled with Jon’s prank made Ryne sweat like a frozen water bottle.

“WAIT NO! Err... It’s... bl... umm... GAHHHHHH!” Ryne roared he he hastily changed to a different form, then another, and another, in a desperate act to look like anyone besides Sapphire Shores. “Wait, wait, wait wait!”

As Ryne pleaded for mercy, his voice constantly changed in pitch and tone as he cycled through disguise after disguise. In the course of about ten seconds, he went to about twenty different forms to the point where all his legs, head, mane, tail, ears, and body each belonged to a different person like some kind of adorable Frankenstein.

“Sapphire, please don’t sue me! I didn't mean it! I don't want to be in legal debt for the rest of my life!” Ryne pleaded as he finally calmed down long enough to revert back to his Changeling form.

The crowd was still laughing long after the comic effect of what happened had worn off. Mostly because, in his haste to revert to normal, Ryne had forgotten something.

“It’s alright Ryne calm down!” Jon pleaded as he pointed to his backside. “Also, I think you forgot something.

Looking behind him, Ryne now realized what was so funny... his tail was still that of Sapphire Shores. Something which a quick tail whip corrected.

“Wow... I never knew your power to transform was so good... hey do you... do you ever find... that-- do you ever find your being a Changeling had helped you as DJ?” Jon ventured after the crowds laughter had fully died down. “Like... you needed to get into a club so you changed to look like the owner... or maybe the fact that you’re technically being immortal has saved you from one too many extreme mosh pits... or... something?”

“Well, Jon, if I changed to become somepony else, than what would be the point of it all, really?” Ryne asked, still feeling slightly off about what he had just done. “If I really wanted to, I could have changed into a form of a billionaire, bought myself a private island somewhere in the Ambleantic Ocean, and lived there for the rest of my life. I’d rather be ‘me’, than anypony else. And other than having cup-holders for hooves, I haven’t found a place for my abilities in my work at all.”

There was a moment of silence before the audience gave Ryne a quick round of applause.

“Very admirable... but if it were me, you couldn't pay me enough money to not make myself look like someone else!” Jon commented “Or at the very least, make myself seem younger so my kids won't keep thinking I’m sick... but yeah, I’m surprised you don’t... I don’t know, indulge yourself a little... like perhaps, after a really good show, disguise yourself as a security guard so you can bypass all the raving fans... I mean like... do you even have groupies?”

“Err... I’m not exactly well-known enough to have those.” Ryne admitted.

“Yeah... me neither.” Jon sniffled.

“But that’s sort of the way I like it.” Ryne continued. “After a show, I get home without my privacy invaded enough for me to gorge on ice cream in peace. I mean... who else is gonna supply ponies with tasteful glitch hop?”

“I don’t know man, seems like a wasted opportunity... one can only imagine the freaky kinds of things that Changeling’s do with those holes in their legs.” Jon joked, unaware of how deep that particular rabbit hole was.

“What? So stallions get as creeped out as mares do whenever the word ‘Changeling’ is uttered?” Ryne submitted.

“I uh, I don't follow.” Jon stated.

“I’m not sure if anypony informed you, but... ermmm, you have no idea what you just implied, did you?” Ryne said.

“Enlighten me.” Jon took out a pen and paper.

“Well... I can’t say this on public television” Ryne advised as he took away Jon’s stationary. “But back in Equestria, normally when you mention i-in p-p-private a certain synonym of “Changelings”, well you see on the paper, you get one leg here... The other partner’s head there... wrap your tail around this mare’s hoof... and you basically stay like that for half an hour until you... ”

Jon watched as Ryne wrote down in detail exactly what “Changeling style” meant back in Equestria. Each new detail heralded by increasingly disturbing positions. Before he could finish however, Jon grabbed the piece of paper, crumpled it and threw it behind him with a blank expression.

“I’m never going back to Equestria.” Jon said, causing Ryne to laugh along with the audience. “How... for god’s sake. How do you even know about a sex position like that!”

“Celestia have mercy on me... Octavia’s going to murder me in my sleep for this... but you remember when I said that Vinny, Tavs, and I hung out together at our music school?” Ryne asked, instantly gaining Jon’s undivided attention, as well as those watching from the bleachers. “Well, Vinyl had the bright idea of sharing a single dorm to save up on cash for our tuition... and a new speaker system, which she still hasn’t paid back my share of bits that she owes me for it. So anyway, one day, during a hot summer, I was walking back to my dorm as innocently as a disguised Changeling could after having his brain roasted in an advanced rhythmic algorithm class, and I saw... Vinyl and Octavia... on MY bed... Well, you get the picture... AND DON’T EVEN ASK ME WHO WAS ON TOP!”

Usually, the best interviews in Daily Show history are the ones where the guest is the one that makes Jon laugh rather than the other way around. By that logic, this one would be one of the best ever.

“Now... now speaking of those two... it’s because of Vinyl and Octavia that I was convinced in letting you come over.” Jon revealed. “Uh... it was-- I got a letter from them expressing how I should have you... here today and it was in that letter that she revealed something very interesting about you.”

“If she mentioned about that time I got drunk and was caught streaking across campus in my socks, then she’s lying and I was already acquitted of all charges!” A fluttered Ryne insisted.

“...No, I was going to say... actually, we’ll come back to that later... but actually, what I was going to say was... she told me the reason that you two-- I mean you, Vinyl, and Octavia became friends, is because you helped her fend off some bullies who were picking on Octavia.” Jon continued, his back arched to get the blood flowing again. “Mind giving us an idea of what happened?”

Hearing this caused Ryne to take notice. His ears, which were previously slumped, now sprung up and his jaw dropped for a second revealing his razor sharp teeth.

“Wait... they told you about that?” Ryne asked in a disbelieving tone, getting a nod in return. “Well... okay, it’s like any other stereotypical ‘how-I-met-my-lifelong friends’ stories, I’m afraid. It was a couple of days until our first term ended at our musical school, and it ju--”

“Oh god, please don’t tell me music schools in Equestria are anything like the ‘High School Musical’ movies.” Jon pleaded as he slapped his hand across his face. “Did you guys just like... just sta-start randomly singing and dancing everywhere?”

“Well... no... no we didn’t... the school we went to was a bit more serious than that.” Ryne affirmed.

“Thank god.” Jon expressed sighing a deep sigh and slumping slightly over his desk.

“But, but random acts of song and dance are actually quite common in my world” Ryne revealed, causing Jon to look up. “Why just the other day, Pinkie Pie went through an entire choreographed, thirty minute performance after she found her missing alligator.”

“Wait... WHAT!” Jon yelled, as the entirety of Ryne’s explanation just made no sense to him.

“But that’s not important... anyways, like I was saying... It was a couple of days until our first term ended at our musical school, and you know how ponies get. That relief, that freedom from the burden of educational establishments. It makes you... a bit wild. And, I found that out the hard way when I came across a couple of spoiled, upper-class unicorns pushing around Octavia in the courtyard.” Ryne continued as he tilted his head back and rubbed a hoof over his smooth face. “I mean, it was bad enough that she had to handle their constant verbal abuse that whole entire term because she was... different. As she probably mentioned, Earth ponies, back in the old days, were seen as common, and purely clumsy even when they obviously aren’t. And it was even more of a social taboo for Earth ponies to step up and play music skillfully enough to get into the Royal Canterlot Orchestra.”

“I remember her mentioning that.” Jon quickly added as he played with his pen in his fingers. “She talked about how she had to overcome... a lot of... misconceptions about her species.”

“Yes, and normally, I stay away from any situation that might attract attention to myself, but I felt... I don’t know, drawn to help her. If you’ve ever felt truly... different, enough that you feel yourself sticking out from the middle of a crowd or separate from other ponies then... well, I guess that’s what made me help her.” Ryne continued as he twiddled his hooves against the desk nervously. “I felt personally obligated to help her, even though I didn’t know her and she could have handled the situation herself... I could've let myself trot away from the scene, but I never thought it was fair that an individual can be subjected to so much suffering just because they’re ‘different’. Why? Well, because pretending I was somepony else... somepony normal... was just a fact of life for me, and it’s incredibly unfair that anypony else, whether they be Changeling, Unicorn, Pegasus or what have you, can be denied that same level of comfort.”

“So... what ended up happening?” Jon asked after Ryne paused to collect his thoughts.

“Well... I intervened, and I got my flank hooved over to me, so you wouldn’t believe how long I had cracks in my chitin before I healed up properly... but at least Octy was safe for the time being. So, for a while, I was held up in my room because I was healing, but one day right before lunch, somepony bucked open my dorm door and barged right in.” Ryne said. “At first, I thought it was one of those high class Unicorns coming back for more, but as it turned out, it was Vinyl. She found out about what happened, and for some reason, I thought she was mad at me because... I don’t know, maybe she didn’t like the fact that I was trying to get in good with your best marefriend like I was trying to take her away or something... anyway, when she came in my room Vinyl did something that both scared, and surprised me... she thanked me. And ever since that day, we became friends.”

“It seems that... it seems that your experience... as a Changeling has really shaped the way you act and think... almost as if it’s given you a new look on life.” Jon submitted as he made hand gestures with each word.

“In a surely messed up way... Yeah. It has.” Ryne admitted

“Now having said that... here is something I’ve been wondering about you.” Jon added.

“Which would be?” Ryne asked, wondering if this is the question he had been anticipating for a while now.

“To put it simply, it’s this... Ryne?” Jon asked.

“Yes?” Ryne responded.

“Do you... like... being a Changeling?” Jon finally asked.

“Ex... excuse me?” Ryne replied; this wasn’t what he was expecting.

“It’s a simple question. Since you have been blessed with the the gift of retaining your mind and thus have hindsight... do you like who you are... do you like the fact that you are a Changeling?” Jon repeated himself, now having his hand sprawled across his mouth quizzically.

This was a new one for Ryne. Up until now, no one knew he was a Changeling, so this question was never brought up. For someone to ask whether or not you liked being who you were was a deep enough inquiry into one’s soul, but what really got to Ryne was this was a question he never even asked himself.

“With... with the lifestyle that I presently have... I actually... I actually don’t mind it. I mean... It helped me become a better pony, really.” Ryne confessed as he stared at his reflection in the shiny surface of the Daily Show desk. “You know, enjoy what you have, and all that jazz. But what’s become apparent through recent events, like what happened in Canterlot or your show, is that us Changelings need help... We’ve let hunger drive us into desperation.”

“But aren’t these other Changelings... forgive me if I sound cynical here, but... couldn't one look at them as a lost cause?” Jon said trying his hardest not to sound too mean. “Like, you and-- we’ve discussed the spell... the uh, the corruption, warping their bodies AND their minds. So why help those who are--”

“I guess... I guess you could call me unreasonably stubborn, but the idea that ALL Changelings are a lost cause is one that I don’t quite agree with.” Ryne interrupted, now looking straight into Jon’s eyes. "Yes I'll admit most Changelings lost so much more than just their physical appearances... but aren't those the ones we should be helping the most?"

“In that case... I want to ask you something.” Jon asked as Ryne braced himself. “Now... I didn’t look for you nor did I have any knowledge of you before this show... you are the one that came to me... asking to be on my show... for the sake of promoting that Changeling’s... aren’t all bad... basically.”

“Yes... that’s... why I’m here.” Ryne admitted as he readied himself for what was to come.

“Well... I have to ask... Why risk it?” Jon said. “You, Ryne... you made it. You are a one-in-a-million Changeling who, not only retained his mind, but escaped the tyrannical rule of Queen Chrysalis... you’ve successfully made a name for yourself, with friends who love you... and you managed to do what some spend their entire life trying to find, and that’s a purpose in life... all the while avoiding the discrimination of others... so tell me... why... why would you risk aaaall of that, right here right now... for a group of pseudo-monsters who do nothing but give you a bad name and would probably hate you.”

And there it was; the question that Jon swore to Ryne he would ask him at some point during the show. When Jon finally asked it, it felt heavy on Ryne’s body like someone had dropped a boulder on top of him. For the amount of time leading up to the actual taped interview, Ryne had been mulling over this question over and over again in his head.

What really got to him was that Jon had a good point. Maybe not every Changeling is bad, but a majority of them most certainly are. Was it really worth it to try and save the already damaged image of a group of creatures who seem to have a real talent for self destruction? Ryne was just a simple musician, but even he didn’t have to think that long about his answer.

“If I had to die right this instant, on your show... I’d die happy... which isn’t fair when other Changelings don’t even remember what that is... I mean, not that many normal ponies would have enough satisfaction in their lives to say that. And yet... well, I still know that, out there somewhere in the Hive, there are Changelings that I vaguely remember to once have been my friends and family, and that frightens me.” Ryne confessed as he continued to look at Jon with large eyes. “I know us Changelings haven’t been the most... liked creatures out there, and for a good reason, but I still feel like there is hope for us... for all of us. There are others like me... others that have retained their memories and have tried to live better lives, but do so in hiding for fear of being discovered... and if there’s at least one Changeling who is unjustly being persecuted, then I will do my part to help them because... because it's the right thing to do. My thoughts of them drove me to do this, really. So to answer your question... even though we might not feel or think it, we were all ponies at one time in our lives. Maybe, like me, they remember who they once were, and maybe they don't. So here's my question: shouldn’t they all have an equal chance to prove themselves, like me? Don’t they deserve a life like mine? If they are ponies somewhere on the inside then shouldn't we try to help them?”

Everyone present in the room watched and listened to Ryne as he poured his guts out like a sinner in a confessional. Each and every one of them, as they listened, also contemplated if they themselves would have done the same thing.

“And since nopony else is helping them out, and their reputation is only getting worse, why shouldn’t it be me? Chrysalis, in her attempt to gain power, went too far beyond her moral boundaries with her plan.” Ryne continued. “I know what she did was despicable, but at the same time, so many ponies were talking about wanting to... wanting to get rid of us... and that’s just as bad. Then I realized since my lifestyle provided me with the perfect means to do something about it I... I-- So, I figured it was up to me... I couldn’t just stand aside and watch, I had to act. It's like you said in your interview with Princess Luna the other day... ’All that is necessary for evil to triumph--”

“... Is for good men to do nothing.’” Jon added followed by a pause. A pause which was soon shattered by the sound of the audience applauding and standing to their feet. Both Jon and the audience may not have known much about Equestrian history or culture, but they were a good judge of character and could spot a saint a mile away.

“Ryne... I must say... and say for one hundred percent certainty, that it has been an honor having you on the show.” Jon said as he pointed his finger at him. “And I wish you... and all the Changelings out there who have a fighting chance at a good life... the best of luck. And hope that one day... they may know peace.”

“Thanks Jon.” Ryne said, happy that he finally heard the thing he always wanted to hear.. “That really... really means a lot.”

“Listen, I would love to hear more about your experiences so would you mind sticking around for another five minutes and we’ll throw the rest up on the web?” Jon asked as he pointed to the camera.

“I would love to!” Ryne exclaimed as jumped on the table to grab Jon’s already stretched out hand. “Just... no more embarrassing questions about me, Vinyl, and Octavia, please.”

“I can’t promise that and you know it.” Jon chuckled as he swirled in his chair to face the camera and subsequently the audience as well. “Ryne the Changeling everyone! We’ll be right back!”

Like before, the crowd in attendance rushed to their feet to give their new favorite Martyr a proper send off in the form of cheering and applauding that was so deafening, he could barely hear Jon trying to communicate with him from across the table.

To remedy this, he jumped on the table and approached him before the camera began to ascend into the sky while Jon whispered something in Ryne’s ear. A few moments later the Daily Show logo blotted out the image by flying on the screen and leaving to give the next commercial break a chance to appear.

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Your moment of zen: Part 1

“That. Was. Amazing!” Ryne roared as both he and Jon made their way backstage. The taping had officially ended and the two of them were heading towards the section of the building that had the waiting rooms just across the hall from the main section where the writers worked.

“Glad you liked it.” Jon commented as he watched his Changeling friend fly back and forth above him in a zig-zag pattern, like he was dodging flying debris. “You seem excited.”

“Oh man, I feel great!” Ryne yelled as the two entered the room where most interviewees waited till they are called. “Do all your guests feel this way after an interview!?”

“Yeah, some more than others.” Jon answered as he stuck his finger in his ear. “Would you mind lowering your voice? I’m already going blind, I don’t need to go deaf too.”

“Oh, sorry!” Ryne blurted as he grounded himself, only to quickly fly back in the air to do a quick lap around the room. “That was just so... fucking... awesome! I’ve DJ’d some events before, but none of them even compares the rush of being on your show! It’s like this tingling feeling all over and and... and... WOW! It’s everything Octavia and Vinyl said it would be!”

“Oh really?” Jon chuckled. “What did they say exactly.”

“Well... Octy said it’s the feeling you get when you hit that perfect note during a symphony.” Ryne paraphrased. “Or when you get knighted in the rotunda of the most majestic castle, while a full moon acts as your spotlight... both exhilarating and humbling.”

“And Vinyl?” Jon wondered.

“She said it was like chugging ten energy drinks at once while getting pounded from behind.” Ryne said, before pausing to think. “... Or maybe it was the other way around.”

On cue, both parties began to laugh the sight of each other trying to hold back their stifled giggles. What followed soon was an awkward silence, brought on by the realization by the two entertainers in the room of what was to come next. Jon sat down on a nearby sofa while Ryne took so sitting on the ground in the center of the room.

“So... this is the part where I go home now, huh?” Ryne said with a deep sigh.

“Yeah.” Jon answered with a light shrug. “Any second now, Celestia is going to use her hocus pocus to zap ya back to Equestria... from there, she won’t do anything else.”

“... But what if she--” Ryne started before getting cut off.

“She won’t.” Jon assured him. “We talked it over... when you get back, she wont lock you up or banish you from the kingdom or anything like that... I even managed to convince her to pardon you for sneaking your way into my world.”

Ryne was dubious about all this since it seemed too good to be true. But the way Jon said it made him believe that he was safe.

“Thank you, Jon.” Ryne sighed. “That really means a lot... you didn’t have to.”

“Oh, but I do.” Jon corrected. “Anyone one who comes on my show is getting the special treatment... besides that’s what friends do for each other.”

The word ‘friend’ was one that Ryne heard every now and again in his life, but this was the first time he heard it while in his Changeling form. It felt nice. It was at that moment that he was reminded of something, something which was the entire point of his coming over to the human world.

“That reminds me... about our interview.” Ryne said, as Jon took of his sports jacket and loosened his tie. “I know the point of a backup interview is that you’ll never know when you’ll need it... but do you have any idea of when you’ll play it?”

As grateful as he was, Ryne still wanted nothing more than to have his message be spread to those around Equestria, especially now more than ever.

“Hmmmmm.” Jon murmured as he closed his eyes to think. “I would guess... probably a few weeks from now when I’m on a two-week break.”

“R-really!?” Ryne blurted out as he flew in the air with excitement.

“Sure, why not?” Jon responded. “We here at Daily Show Headquarters love playing reruns.”

At first, Ryne felt like bursting through the ceiling with joy, but before he could even process how he felt about this, something Jon had said caught his attention.

“W-wait a minute... ‘reruns?’” Ryne asked. “I-I don’t understand.”

“Oh, you haven’t figured it out yet?” Jon answered as he rolled up his sleeves and began to stretch his tired arms. “Our little interview we just had... it wasn’t just taped.”

“W... wait.” Ryne said. “A-are... are you saying what I think you’re saying.”

“That’s right.” Jon confirmed. “That was live.”

This sudden news caused Ryne to drop from the sky whereupon he landed with a thud against the ground. From the very moment Jon agreed to interview him he was under the impression that it would be taped and then processed for screening at a later date. The option of having it done in that matter was solely done by Ryne to convince Jon that he was on the level... never did he think his bargaining chip would’ve been unnecessary.

“So... if... if that was live.” Ryne surmised out loud. “Then that... means--”

“That means that, what you’re feeling right now isn’t just the high one gets after being on stage.” Jon commented as he got up to try and touch his toes. “I’m... no expert on Changing anatomy, but I’m assuming what you’re feeling right now is the love of countless ponies and humans now being funneled. So that tingling feeling you're getting is probably pure raw power... or maybe you just really have to go to the bathroom, I don’t know.”

The more he thought about it, the more Ryne started to realize that what he felt inside of him wasn’t that much different than the feeling he got whenever he absorbed someone’s love. Only in this case, the feeling was extremely numerous and much more intense. In disbelief, he placed his hooves over his face only to realize that the bruises and cuts that he had once suffered at the hands of Jon were now a thing of the past. Jon was telling the truth; Ryne was now holding the love of billions of different entities.

“I-I-I don’t understand.” Ryne finally said. “W-why did... I mean why did you... ”

“Why did I change my mind? It’s simple really.” Jon responded. “I like to think of my show... as a device to promote change in between all the fart jokes... you had a message... worthy enough for all the world to see ... so I just figured it was time people hear it. And sooner rather than later.”

A simple ‘thank you’ didn’t seem enough anymore. Ryne didn’t know how to adequately express himself at that moment (A trait which got him interested in music in the first place) so instead, he just sat in the middle of the room, unable to say anything.

“Oh, don’t go all quiet on me now.” Jon teased; but Ryne still remained silent. When he first concocted his plan of sneaking into the Daily Show to try and speak about his experiences, he never thought he’d get this far. He thought for sure Jon would say no and send him back. So for him to not only get his chance to go on TV, but to have it aired live the very same day was beyond surreal.

“Jon... can I ask you something?” Ryne mumbled.

“Shoot.” Jon said.

“Why... why would you risk everything like that?” Ryne asked. “For... for all you know I could just have been another Changeling trying to hijack your show and steal some love for power... I mean, even now... if what you’re saying is true, you have no idea how... how... how much power I have... I mean there’s trust, and then there’s... this.”

“Well, I like think we’ve built enough of a rapport that you won’t go around and stab me in the back.” Jon joked, which earned him not a giggle, but a look from Ryne that said he was all too serious. “Okay, okay. You want to know why I put you on my show... you want to know why I did all of this just for you?”

“Yes.” Ryne said. “Please tell me.”

Before answering, Jon got up and walked all the way across the room to a window just to the left of Ryne. There he leaned up against the wall and stared out the window at the New York sky.

“Ryne, how much of U.S. history do you know?” Jon began. “I ask because, did you know Queen Chrysalis coming to my world wasn’t the first time something like that had happened?”

“You... you’ve been attacked before?” Ryne asked his attention instantly seized in the moment.

“Well, not me per say... but yes, New York has been the victim of an invading force once before.” Jon continued with a sigh. “Back in 2001... a group of evil men... attacked New York... destroying one of our most precious landmarks.”

There was no way for Ryne to know any of this, but as someone who lived in Ponyville, he certainly knew the feeling of being attacked by evil forces. It happened almost on a weekly basis.

“I... had no idea.” Ryne said. “Did... did anypony get hurt””

“Oh yes.” Jon said, his answer heavy in tone. “A lot of people got hurt... even now, some of us are still feeling the affects of what happened.”

Instead of continuing with his explanation, Jon just stared out the same window until his attention was pulled away.

“Why are you telling me this?” Ryne asked. In response to this, Jon walked up to him, knelt down on one knee, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Ryne, do you remember the last thing you told me before the interview started. You said that it wasn’t right to blame an entire group of people... based solely on the actions of one group... you have no idea how right you are.” Jon said. Ryne stayed silent, unable to look away. “This attack... on New york, well, let’s just say that it was performed by a certain group of people... a group of people who were of the same race as some of our citizens. After this attack happened, people started to... well, let’s just say they were so paranoid about what happened that hurtful prejudice surfaced and innocent men and women now found themselves at the center of unwarranted hate and bigotry as a result.”

Yet another thing that Ryne could relate to.

“Back when this happened... I was one of the first people to come out in defense of these people. I talked about how we can’t go around judging others just because of what a couple of idiots did.” Jon continued. “Back then, I said it wasn’t right and by doing it we were devaluing ourselves as a society... but... it seems I’ve forgotten that which I once believed... Ryne... before you go, I just want to say... I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I treated you... I’m sorry for hurting you, and most of all, I’m sorry for going on TV and saying that all Changelings are evil... it was wrong of me and I had no right... I now know that there are a some that are pretty alright... like you.”

There was so much that Ryne wanted to say, but all his comments and questions took a back seat as his mind was still processing that, right there and then, someone had actually apologized for what they said about his own people. Something he thought he’d never hear in his entire immortal existence.

And he was still dumbfounded, even as Jon got up and walked backwards to bridge the gap between them.

“So, to answer your question, the reason I did all this is because, the way I see it... if one Changeling can come on my show and ruin it for everyone else... I figure it’ll take another Changeling to make it right again.” Jon proclaimed

The silence in the room was like nothing Ryne had ever experienced. There was so much to take in, he barely knew where to start. Finally, after while of staring at the ground, he opened his mouth express himself, but again he didn’t know what to say.

“It’s like I said when we first met... ” Jon continued.

Before he could finish his thought, an unseen force swept Ryne so quickly that, had Jon blinked, he probably would have missed seeing his body vanish. Instead of being concerned, Jon knew all too well what this was. No doubt as sure as he was breathing was Ryne now in the presence of Celestia herself, just like they had planned.

“... just be yourself.” He added with a sigh as he made his way to the door to exit the room.

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Your moment of zen: Part 2

“From one world to another, the transition is instantaneous.”

These were the words that Jon had carved into a plaque which hung just above the door to the waiting room at the Daily Show headquarters.

Ryne, like several others before him, experienced this whenever Celestia used her magic to transport them back and forth between their world and Jon’s. This also meant that, in less than a second, instead of New York, he was now back in Equestria.

It took a moment to realize where he was. The once low-key and minimalist room that was Jon’s waiting room, was now the very center of the royal chamber at Canterlot Castle. Instead of a worn out sofa, there was a throne, instead of a complimentary bowl of candy, there were display ornaments, instead of a gaggle of interns and writers trying to get his attention, Ryne was now surrounded by royal guards. And most importantly, instead of Jon Stewart, there was Princess Celestia.

“EEP!” Ryne yelped, as he quickly used his magic to transform himself back to his grey and orange DJ form.

“Be still young one, you are in no danger.” Celestia assured him, though it didn’t exactly help with each guard pointing their spear at him. “I only wish to speak with you... nothing more.”

“P-p-p-princess!” Ryne stuttered before dropping to his knees and bowing his head. Celestia expected him to say something but for awhile all he did was stay in this position till he worked up the nerve to speak.“P-PLEASE FORGIVE ME YOUR MAJESTY! I’m sorry for deceiving you and lying to get into the human world! Please don’t banish me.”

With his head down, Ryne couldn't see what was going on around him. All he heard was the sound of hoofsteps approaching him. He braced himself for the worse, but got the exact opposite.

“Arise, Mr. Pygmalion.” She said in a soft tone. “Or do you prefer to go by Ryne?”

“Um... R-Ryne is fine.” He said as he slowly got up. “You’re... you're not mad at me?”

Celestia chuckled as she leaned in so she wouldn't have to raise her voice for him to hear her.

“Of course not, young Changeling.” She said. “Why would you think that?”

“Oh well, I just... I just assumed that you... ” He stammered trying to phrase his answer delicately. “I just thought you would be mad that I tricked you... is all." His answer made the guards around him noticeably annoyed, but a quick glance by Celestia told them to hold back.

“While I will admit that I wasn’t... exactly thrilled about the idea of having you in New York at first.” Celestia admitted. “But that all changed once I saw your interview... I must say it was very well done.”

“You... you liked it?” Ryne asked.

“Oh my, yes. It was very entertaining, definitely in my top ten favorites” She answered. “I found it quite engaging because I got learn a lot about you... and your people.” Ryne could hardly believe this was happening.

“So... I’m not in trouble?” He added.

“It took a considerable amount of arguing with Jon on that very subject, but I have come to the conclusion that no... you are not in any trouble.” She said.

“Well... I should be.” Ryne said, surprising everyone in the room. “I deliberately broke the law when I lied to get into the human world... and for that, I shouldn’t be treated differently than anypony else... if you feel the need to punish me... then you should.”

The silence between them was promptly broken by Celestia chuckling to herself

“Yes, it’s true that the process by which you you entered the human world was... a bit unorthodox.” She admitted. “But another way one could approach this matter is that since both DJ Pygmalion and Ryne are one in the same pony, you didn’t lie to me so, in a sense... no laws were broken.”

“So... I can continue to stay here?” He asked, getting a nod in return.

“By my royal decree, Ryne the Changeling shall be allowed to live within my kingdom.” She said, causing all the guards to take a step back and lower their weapons as a smile materialized on Ryne's face. “What you did today was a truly brave act. You not only risked your life doing what you believed was right, but you also showed me that, despite popular opinion, there are those like you who are worth listening to.”

“...All I ever wanted was a chance to tell the world that we can be good!” He blurted out of nowhere as tears began to stream down his face. Before he could verbally express this new found emotion, a gentle hoof found its way to his face, wiping away the loose tear drops.

“And you got what you wanted.” Celestia said. “You have proven, not just to me... but to quite a great number of ponies, that some Changelings are capable of compassion, understanding, integrity, and benevolence... and it’s because of these traits that I will permit you to stay in Ponyville... if that’s okay with you that is.”

“...THANK YOU!” A tearful Ryne roared as he jumped to give Celestia a hug. This action in turn made all the guards equip their weapons again, only to withdraw them when Celetia motioned with her hoof to stand down.

“It’s no problem really.” She assured him. “Just do me one single favor.”

“Of course!” Ryne blurted. “Anything!”

“The next time you’re doing a show... please inform me first.” She said “I would very much like to hear your music.” And with that, the two exchanged some warm smiles as the guards created a path for Ryne to the door where another pair of guards were ready to escort them.

“Now then, I do have some business to attend to so, if you don’t mind.” She said as she motioned to the door. “My guards will escort you out.”

“O-okay!” Ryne said as he turned around to leave before being called back.

“One last thing.” Celestia said. “Before you depart... I would like to... officially welcome you to our little family.”

Ryne turned to see Celestia offering her hoof for a shake. Surprised by this action he looked behind him at the guards, though they didn't make eye contact. Hesitantly he walked up to Celestia and gently reached out to grab a hold. Right before he was about to make contact Celetia quickly recoiled her hoof, causing a confused Ryne to stare at her.

“But... when I said I want to welcome you, I mean the real you... the real Ryne.” She said. The request didn’t sit well with Ryne. Not because he was afraid of revealing himself to be a Changeling, that ship had long since set sail. What irked him the most was the conditions of the request. The last time Princess Celestia met face to face with a Changeling (in this very room no less) was during the Canterlot invasion by Queen Chrysalis, where she suffered a momentary defeat... So for her to be asking such a thing seemed too esoteric.

“As you wish... your majesty.” Ryne closed his eyes and concentrated. In a flash of green light, Ryne had reverted to his old form. Celestia watched as the subject before him slowly lifted his head and opened his eyes, revealing a large set of yellow insect pupils, when he opened his mouth to let out a sigh she could see his sharp row of teeth. He looked scared so she aimed to help anyway she can. Firstly by extending her hoof once more.

“Ryne.” She said as she grabbed his hoof and gave it a firm shake. “Welcome to my kingdom... I think you’re going to like it here.”

Episode 16 [Changeling]: (Bonus Chapter) Whatever happened to Ryne?

A few miles outside the Ponyville borders lies a range filled with mountains, most of which have been mined out and abandoned. Between two of these mountains lies an untouched field that can only be accessed by either flying high over the terrain then down its crevasse, or by taking a secret tunnel located in an old mining vain.

Since the area is surrounded by the rocky walls, it’s a great place to either hide or just go unnoticed for a while. Ryne loved to spend his time here whenever he just wanted to get away from it all.

The field itself was mostly comprised of tall grass. There were some trees here and there, but a majority of them were located on the edge, close to the mountains. There was one tree close to the center, but it was overshadowed by the giant boulder that rested directly in the middle of this tiny slice of paradise.

Whenever Ryne visited this place, he always took a second to decide whether he would sit under the boulder or the tree. A useless ritual on his part since he always went for the tree. It provided more shade, and from under it, he could always see the huge rock just ahead of him which acted as a makeshift sundial, so he always knew what time it was.

Such was the case even now as Ryne was busy hiding under the tree across his boulder going over the events that had transpired for the past few days. It had been almost 72 hours since his visit to the human world, and still, he had a hard time believing it was anything but a realistic dream.

It would be some time before any real change would happen, but for the time being, Ryne felt content in the knowledge that he at least tried to spark some change in the hearts and minds of the Equestrian populace. Ever since then, with his true identity revealed, and his new tendency to walk the streets as a Changeling, Ryne felt as if everything he did was done for the very first time all over again. He met his neighbors again for the very first time, he went to the corner store for the very first time, he practiced music for the very first time, and indeed he went to his secret spot for the very first time.

Funnily enough, everyone he ever knew, from close personal friends to slight acquaintances, now knew he was changeling and on occasion even got the chance to see him in his real form. But none of them drew attention to that fact, or at least to any significant degree. No one treated him any differently than before, except for the quick congrats on making it on the show, and most of the time, they treated him not as a hero or as villain, but just same as they always did, with maybe a brighter smile. Ryne loved every minute of it.

But out of all the recent events, one in particular kept him up at nights. He racked his brain over and over again about this particular topic, and in truth, so did a lot of other ponies, they were just too respectful to say anything about it... all except for Vinyl who nearly tackled him when he came home to address it out of curiosity.

“Hey Pyggy! Did you like, get a ton of love from the show?” Ryne remembers her asking. “So like what’s the deal? How strong are ya now?”

To her credit, it was a valid question that not even Ryne knew the answer to. Whenever a Changeling feeds on someone’s love, the feeling they get from absorbing it is unique to that person, not unlike a fingerprint or one’s own DNA. One pony’s love might taste rather sweet and feel light in the system while someone else's can taste bitter and will feel heavy on the stomach. Ever since the interview, Ryne could feel countless different varieties of flavors swirling around his body, making him feel a constant tingling sensation that never went away.

Based on this, he assumed that the amount of love he received was a lot, but he had no way of quantifying it for sure. The only signs that he could properly identify as a result of this mass undertaking of power was the fact that his face was healed up, and also, his not being hungry for the past couple of days. Unbeknownst to him at the time, he had billions of different energy sources within him so strong that he could live thousands of lifetimes over and still not use up a one percent of his overall energy.

But Ryne didn’t know this because, except for his body subconsciously using it’s own resources to heal or feed, he refused to actually tap into his newly acquired reserve of energy. The reason being was he was terrified of what it might do to him. For all he knew, the second he did, he would explode or something.

The thought that his own Queen risking her life, and quite nearly getting captured, in the process of trying to get the love from the “Daily Show” audience told Ryne that what he now had was not something to take lightly. Though it was mind boggling to him how Chrysalis got beaten to an inch of her life in a failed attempt to steal the very same power that was practically handed to him by Jon.

The more he thought about it, the more his curiosity started to get the better of him, much in the same fashion that he feared this new power might do. Though he wasn’t fooling anyone... the real reason he came to his secret spot wasn’t to hide from ponies who had already accepted him for who he was, but to test this new source of energy where no one could get hurt. It was now time.

“Ok Ryne, you can do this.” He said as he stood to his feet. “Just take deep... breaths.” His body was ready to undergo the next step, but his mind was hesitant. The last time a Changeling came into a vast amount of love power, she nearly took over Canterlot.

“No... this is different. You’re not like her... you never were.” Ryne reminded himself as he continued to breath deep. “And you never... ever... WILL!”

Ask any yoga instructor, and they’ll tell you the key to controlling one's energy is a through a combination of mind, body, and spirit. Only when you relax and control your breathing can this happen and with Ryne he did just that. When he opened himself up the power that was sleeping inside of him, it instantly flowed to his entire body like a broken dam releasing a torrent of water. For the briefest of moments, Ryne felt as if his stomach would explode, but eventually the odd sensation subsided leaving him feeling as normal as ever.

“There.” He thought. “I... I did it.”

With heavy breath Ryne began to examine himself to see if everything was alright, and to his relief, he was fine. His body hadn’t changed nor did he feel mentally unstable or anything of that nature, he just felt the same as he always did which, in a sense, left him feeling anti-climatic. Did it work? Was the love power now fully integrated within him? How could he tell? What could he now do? All of these questions plagued young Ryne’s mind all eventually silenced when a new idea popped into his head.

“I wonder.” Ryne thought, as he turned around to see the tree where he usually leaned on. It was both an excellent source of shade as well as a decent enough cover, so that anyone who was flying overhead wouldn't see him through the thick fold of leaves and branches.

Slowly, Ryne approached it and began to examine it’s texture. It was a huge tree with deep roots, so it wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. This gave him an idea.

“Well.” Ryne mumbled to himself as he carefully lifted one leg parallel to it much like how a dog would prepare to do it’s business. “Here goes nothing.”

As hard as he could, Ryne threw his legs back against the tree to see how much force he could apply on it’s surface, a task which would have gone more smoothly had he’d actually been looking at the tree. Rather than observing first hand himself, Ryne winced his eyes shut and looked away. This meant that he didn’t see anything happen, but soon after his eyes shot back opened once he heard the sound of something exploding, followed by what felt like rain.

Startled by this sudden occurrence, Ryne jolted from his starting place and turned around only to witness something that shocked and terrified him. The tree in which he was so accustomed to hiding under had been yanked out from the ground, root by root, and was now clear across the field, shattered into thousands of pieces where it terminated on the side of the mountain.

Even at that moment, as he stared at the spot on the wall which now had a large gash on it’s surface, thousands of tiny sized toothpicks rained all around him.

“YAH!” Ryne screamed as he fell to his back and, in a panic, began to crawl away from the scene as if the person who did all this was now after him. He managed to carry himself a few feet away before bumping his head on some kind of large object behind him. When he turned around to investigate what it was, he found that it was in fact the boulder in the middle of the field which he had originally turned down in favor of the tree.

Bumping his head against the its hard surface was just the trick to get Ryne to momentarily calm down and catch his breath, which was difficult since he felt as if he was in the middle of a war zone. After the rain of splinters finally came to an end, he slowly lifted himself up with some help from the boulder.

Taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Ryne was trying to convince himself that what had happened had no connection to him. Since he didn’t actually see the tree explode against the side of the mountain, he had a hard time believing it was because of him. Yet at the same time, he knew it couldn't have been anyone else... he was all alone with no one even knowing he was here.

Ryne’s right hoof was still pressed up against the boulder from when he helped himself up. Another, similar, idea came to mind. He was going to perform another test, and this time he was going to see if this power of his was real or not.

Slowly he took back his hoof and, like a fat cat trying to lazily swat a toy, gently wiped the side of the boulder in an upwards motion like he was trying to brush some lint off of it. This time, Ryne had his eyes glued to the massive rock to make sure to record if anything happened, and to his surprise, something did.

Like before, a great sound, closely resembling a crash, echoed throughout the valley, and within the blink of an eye, the boulder was no longer planted deeply into the the earth, but was now hurtling into the sky wildly, like someone had lit some explosives under it.

“DEAR SWEET CELESTIA!” Ryne yelled as he witnessed the large chunk of rock get as high as it could before slowly coming back down to earth. For reasons that were unknown to Ryne at the time, his body acted on his own in the form of him arching himself back and spreading his wings. Without even thinking about it, he flew as fast as he could towards it with arms spread over his head.

Like before, everything happened so quickly that his brain didn’t have time to register what was going on, but now Ryne soon found himself, inexplicably, almost as high up in the sky as the mountains so quickly, his eyes couldn't even keep up.

Now, Ryne considered himself a decent enough flyer. He could probably fly from Ponyville to Cloudsdale in less than a half hour, but he was no Rainbow Dash, which is why he was so surprised that he went from on the ground to 1000 feet in the air in less than a second. If some other pony were watching, they would be forgiven for thinking he had just teleported, but that wasn’t the case. Ryne had in fact flown up on nothing but his own gumption.

This wasn’t what surprised him the most however. What really got Ryne shaking in his Swiss cheese feet was the fact that, in his hooves, he was now carrying the large boulder he had moments ago sent flying into the sky. Ryne could see that he was holding it, but his brain couldn't make the logical connection. It was at least twenty times his size and weighed well over two tons, but he was holding it like it was nothing.

This, coupled with his apparent super speed, was enough of a shock that he yelped and quickly let go of boulder like it was a piece of white hot coal in his hooves. As it tumbled back down earth Ryne just stayed where he was, hovering in mid-air trying to make sense of what was happening to him.

“How... how is this possible.” He thought. With terrified eyes, he looked down at his own hooves, which didn't have a scratch on them. As his mind began to wonder, he heard something resembling someone crying.

Looking past his hooves, he saw what was causing it. Back down in the field, there was a rabbit napping on the ground while another rabbit was anxiously trying to get him to wake up. How Ryne even saw or heard them from such a high up altitude he didn't know, but he began to realize what the other rabbit was so worried about. At that moment, the very same boulder that Ryne had dropped was heading towards them.

“Shit!” Thought Ryne as he quickly acted on instincts yet again. Flying at a slight angle, Ryne nose dived back towards solid ground at the spot where the one rabbit was still obviously asleep. Like before, he got there in less then it took to even think, only this time the results were very different. He managed to grab both rabbits in his hooves with ease, but in the process he landed on solid ground with such force that he created what could only be described as a crater, only instead of a comet from space, Ryne had caused it.

The crater was about a 100 feet in radius, and was deep enough that he could just barely see over the edge, but that wasn’t the only result of his ground pound. In addition a small tremor was released into the earth causing all manner of animals in the area to scurry off in shock.

Rather than wasting any time pondering the consequences of his actions or staring idly into nothingness, Ryne quickly addressed the two small animals currently in his hooves.

“Are you guys alright!” He asked. The one rabbit that was asleep was now awake and trembling while the other looked like he was trying to tell him something through hand gestures. “W-whats wrong?”

Clearly annoyed, the one rabbit slapped Ryne across the face and pointed upwards just above his head. Following his paw, he saw what he was so worried about. In his hubris, Ryne had completely forgotten about the boulder that was still falling directly towards him.

It was no less than fifteen feet away and getting closer at a faster rate. For a moment, all Ryne could do was stare at it’s enclosing mass like a deer caught in someone’s headlights. The sound (and the pain of being once again being slapped across the face) of the rabbit trying to get his attention snapped him out of his trance, but he was too frightened to move. So he did what he thought was a good idea at the time, he quickly tucked the two scared mammals under his stomach and ducked his head in anticipation.

The way he saw it, he was the cause of this impending doom, so he had to do whatever it took to make sure no one got hurt. With gritted teeth and clenched eyes, he waited for the inevitable to happen. Soon after, there was a sound like something smashing against a hard surface. The sound was so close to Ryne that his ears slightly rang as a result, but oddly enough, he felt nothing.

Something was off. After a full minute had passed, a very confused Ryne lifted his head to see what had happened. He was still alive, but the boulder should have, and by the sound of it, had already made contact long ago.

He looked up at the sight of dozens of wildlife critters starting at him. Tentatively, he looked to his left and there he saw the boulder laying on the ground just a few inches away.

“Phew!” Ryne sighed as he wiped the sweat of his brow. “That was close.”

With an expression of relief on his face, he looked back down the pair of animals he risked his life for. Both of them shared the same look of disbelief as the other animals surrounding the crater. The more abusive one then lifted his paw and directed Ryne to look to his right. He did so whereupon he saw the same boulder again only a few inches away.

It took him awhile, but Ryne finally put two and two together. The Boulder didn’t miss him, in fact, it had directly landed on him, and as a result, was split in two by his newly fortified exoskeleton which apparently, with the help of his new energy, now had the properties of diamond. This made Ryne drop his two bunny friends as he had now lost the feeling in his limbs. He didn’t even feel the giant rock crack against his body, and yet, there it was, split perfectly down the middle like it was nothing.

Ever since he left the human world, Ryne had a lot to think about, and thanks to this little experiment of his, he had even more on his plate to consider.

“So this is it?” Ryne asked himself. “This is what Chrysalis tried so desperately to obtain.”

From where he sat, he looked all around him at the evidence of his new power. The tree which was no longer rooted into the ground, but was now a pile of scrap wood. The crack on the side of the mountain. The crater just beneath his feet, which had made all nearby debris fly away, and of course the boulder which was no longer partially buried underground, but was now cut in half.

Again, Ryne looked down at his hooves and came to the conclusion that yes, yes this was all him, and that yes, this was because of the love he had unknowingly consumed while on the Daily Show. The love and power of billions of humans and ponies were now circulating in his system, and even with this impressive display of strength, he hadn’t even used a fraction of a percent of it all.

“Wow.” Ryne said as he lowered his hooves and looked up into the skies. “Well... at least I don’t have to go to strip clubs anymore.”

Episode 17 [Rarity]: The infiltration

The fog on Jon Stewart’s glass faded away then reappeared in timed intervals with his breathing. Because of personal reasons (most of which were health related) Jon didn’t drink too much on his free time. Only on special occasions like award ceremonies, or getting together with family, the latter of which alcohol was a necessity, especially when dealing with the in-laws.

But on rare occasions when he was too stressed out from handling the day-to-day responsibilities of the Daily Show, Jon liked to come home and unwind with a glass of imported ale in one hand and the newspaper in the other. The last time this happened was the night before he was scheduled to interview President Obama, and before that was when he was trying to come up with the perfect penis joke for the show.

Today however Jon found himself sprawled on the living room couch with a tiny glass of scotch, pressed up against his lips while he breathed heavily into its content through his nose. In his other hand was his trusted cellphone which he idly fiddled with in between sips. He wasn’t playing any IOS game, browsing some news site, or even checking his twitter feed... what he was doing was trying to get ahold of his good friend and business partner, Celestia.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance” A voice from Jon’s phone said. “Unfortunately I am currently unavailable and am unsure as to when I can get back to you. If you would be so kind as to leave your name, number, and when it would be the most convenient for you, I promise I will return your call in a timely manner.”

Jon had patience for a lot of things, but having to wait like this just to talk to Celestia was steadily making him angry. Make no mistake, he wasn’t some self centered prima donna who expected everyone to be at his beck and call at the slightest whim, least of all someone of royalty. But in his dealings with Celestia, never had he ever been neglected like this. Tonight was the first time he had ever heard this message, but he had tried calling her so many times that at this point he could recite her voice mail by memory.

The reason he so desperately wanted to talk to his friend wasn’t business related; the last thing on his mind was who to have on his show. The reason he wanted, no, the reason he needed to speak with her royal highness was because he wanted to check up on his good friend, The great and powerful Trixie, who was still being held at emergency room of Canterlot Castle.

Having both his phone and a glassware in each hand respectfully he had to fight off a powerful urge to throw one across the room in anger; before this could happen however he stopped to take a deep breath to try and calm himself down. What really got him hitting the bottle was the knowledge on Celestia’s part that Jon would always call, everyday, around this time asking if Trixie was okay. So for her to not pick up now only meant one thing... she was ignoring him.

“Urrrrgh.” Jon mumbled to himself angrily.

At this point Jon didn’t care about work, interviews, time slots, or ratings... all he wanted was to find out if his friend was alright. Taking a quick swig of his elixir, Jon once again pressed the call button on his phone... though doing so was practically the textbook definition of insanity.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance...”

“Ruuagh!” Jon roared as he chucked his phone at the easy chair just opposite of him. He didn’t like this, he didn’t like this one bit. Celestia was hiding something from him, he just knew it. While there was a chance that she was just tied up at the moment, or perhaps she simply turned in for the day, there was this unshakable feeling that whatever was keeping her away had something to do with his Unicorn member of the family.

The more he thought about it the more worried he became, a feeling that was shared by other, more human, members of the Stewart household.

“Daddy? Are you mad?” A voice asked from behind the sofa. Even though he recognized the voice Jon still felt compelled to look over his shoulder to see who was addressing him. It was none other than his own daughter, Maggie. There she stood hand in hand with her brother Nathan as if they were getting ready to cross the street together. Turns out they had been spying on their father for quite some time now; something which would have been easier to detect had he not been drinking.

“Oh hey kids!” Jon fumbled as he quickly hid his glass of alcohol and adjusted himself in his seat so he'd be on his knees. “Shouldn’t you two be up stairs playing or something?”

The two small children didn’t answer. Instead they just looked up at their father with wide eyes and worried faces.

“Are you mad, Daddy? She repeated. With a deep sigh he returned to the sitting position he previously held.

“C’mere kids.” Jon said as he motioned for them to join him on the couch. In no time at all both kids were now sitting next to their dad. “Sometimes... sometimes when daddy has had a rough day he get’s a little upset about some things... but don’t worry because I’m not mad at you two, or mommy. I’m just... I’m just tired from work.”

Whether or not they believed him or saw through his attempt to make them less worried was open for debate. For a brief moment there was a silence followed by Nathan walking across the living room to retrieve Jon’s tossed phone like a faithful dog.

Jon watched as his son slowly he walked back to the sofa, hopped back in his previous spot, and placed the phone in between the two of them. While this was happening Maggie was busily hugging a pillow with both her arms and legs. When no one said anything Jon grabbed his phone, and in one swipe of his fingers was once again back at his home screen. In the time that he had thrown it a few contacts had tried to get in touch with him; none of them were Celestia.

“I miss Trixie.” Nathan said, in a tone that caused Jon to flinch as if he had just received a mean right hook.

“Me too.” Maggie added, delivering the left hook. “When will she be back, Daddy?”

Jon was now in an uncomfortable position that no parent enjoyed being in; having to tell their children that they didn’t have an answer to their question.

“I... I don’t know.” Jon said after a depressed sigh. “Your Aunt Trixie is... still sick.”

Ever since Queen Chrysalis’ attack on the Daily Show, Jon had been regularly protecting his kids from the harsh realities of life. He knew they were too young to comprehend fully what happened so by spoon feeding them the sugar coated version of what transpired he was, he hoped, doing the right thing.

To them there was no attack, or severe injuries to anyone they loved. As far as they knew Trixie had simply fallen ill and had to go back to Equestria because she needed proper care from medical professionals. And while this explanation was understandable at first, her absence from their world for so long was slowly making them skeptical.

“Is she feeling better?” Maggie asked, prompting Jon to look at his phone rather than into her sad eyes.

“I hope so.” Jon fiddled with his phone as he caught a reflection of himself in it’s shiny surface. It was at this point that he wished they would drop the subject, but he knew his kids. They were just getting started

“Can we go see her!?” Nathan begged with Maggie close behind in agreement.

Again Jon’s phone slipped through his fingers, only this time instead of throwing it across the room he lost the feeling in his hands causing it to fall to the ground. Even though he hadn’t seen Trixie in some time, the image of her strapped to a hospital bed with all manner of machines connected to her was still fresh in his mind; it was a god awful sight. He couldn’t stand seeing her like that; so he could only imagine what effects it would have on his kids.

“I uh... I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Jon grunted as he leaned forward to retrieve it his phone. “Right now the best thing for her is to get some rest... besides even if I wanted to, I couldn't.”

“Why?” Both kids asked in unison.

“Well... for some reason my good friend Celestia seems to be ignoring me.” Jon answered with a slightly annoyed tone.

To demonstrate he pressed a series of buttons which caused the silent room to be flooded with the noise of his phone struggling to make the connection between worlds. Jon was hoping to be proven wrong here; as the phone rang he gently held his son close to him and scratched the top of his head as he begged to a god he only sometimes believed in that Celestia would pick up.

Unfortunately having his kids present in the room wasn’t the lucky boost he was hoping for; after a few seconds had passed a familiar message found its way to the surface.

“Greetings, you have reached the private number of Princess Celestia. My deepest apologies to whomever is trying to reach me, I am sure that what you wish to discuss with me is of the utmost importance...”

“See what I mean?” A defeated Jon sighed as he placed his phone to the side. “And without her... I can’t even go to Equestria.”

Were it not for the presence of his two children Jon would have probably finished off his drink then retired to his bed for the night without a word to anyone. But as it so happens it was those very same children who inspired him to do something besides mope around feeling sorry for himself; unlike their father they weren’t so quick to give up it seems.

“But Daddy you’ve gone to the horsey world without Celestia before!” Maggie challenged.

“That’s right!” Her brother added, before grabbing Jon’s cell phone and placing it back in his hand. “Can’t you find another way to go there like last time!?”

Jon was moments away from once again disappointing his kids by revealing that their idea was flawed. Among other reasons, this idea wouldn’t work because the last time he snuck his way into Equestria he did so through Trixie, and even then doing so almost got him killed. However before he could say anything to that effect something occurred to him. Something both simple yet brilliantly devious.

While it’s true Trixie wasn’t present and Celestia wasn’t returning his calls there was something Jon had seriously overlooked... those two weren’t the only Unicorns he knew.

Ask anyone in the entertainment business and they will tell you, the old adage, “It’s not what you know; it’s who you know” is very much true. All the talent in the world and a brain overflowing with bright new ideas pale in comparison to having someone like Ted Turner or Bill Gates in your Rolodex.

As someone who spent his early years struggling as a comedian only to obtain his own show, Jon was in a position of seeing things from both sides of the looking glass.

On one hand he recalled how he had to network all up and down New York, shaking hands with total strangers and calling in favors to people whose names he couldn’t even pronounce just for a chance at getting his foot in the door.

And now that he was a world recognized name he got the chance to give back to the community by helping local talent in pursuing their preferred careers. Without Jon’s influence Steve Carell might’ve never made it in a film, Christian Schall would never have found a calling in voice acting, and Stephen Colbert would definitely never have gotten his own show after his years as a correspondent.

So when people first heard that Jon had the opportunity to traverse to an entire new world for his show, some of his colleagues and friends would wonder if it was difficult to start building contacts from the ground up all over again.

His response was always the same.

“You kidding me?” He would say. “I have Celestia, their god and leader on speed dial... I’ll be alright.”

All jokes aside Jon had to admit that he had it extremely easy; all he had to do was pick a name and away he went... With Celestia on his side he, for the most part, never had trouble conducting business within her world. That and most ponies would kill to get on his show, so very rarely did he need to know anyone other than her.

However in the past couple of months he did manage to do some old fashioned networking with ponies he had on his show. One of the most influential of which was without a doubt a certain pony he had not too long ago... who just happened to be Celestia’s right-hand gal.

Jon’s kids watched eagerly as their father paced back and forth in the living room of his house and tried his phone once more, only this time, instead of Celestia, Jon was trying to contact someone else... someone who was used to doing favors for him behind Celestia’s back.

“H-hello?” A tired voice said from Jon’s phone.

“Hey Twilight!” Jon answered as he pressed the now burning phone closer to his ear to hear her better. “It’s me! Your favorite human as far as I know.”

“J-Jon?” Twilight yawned. “Is that you?”

“The one and only!” Jon said in a over dramatic radio voice. “Hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“Oh um, yeah, no it’s alright; I needed to get up early today anyway.” She said as she rolled out of bed to quietly walk down stairs as to not wake anyone else up. “It’s nice hear from you again, especially since well... you know.”

Jon knew exactly what she meant; the last time they technically met it wasn’t the most pleasant of circumstances. With a quick cough Twilight seized the moment before things got silent.

“A-actually now that I think about it, it’s good that you called me!” She blurted.

“Oh really?” Jon rebutted.

“Absolutely; I could use your help with something. You see I’ve actually been asked to speak for symposium at the Canterlot School of Gifted Young Ponies.” Twilight explained. “I’ll be talking about magic and science and how the two can co-exist.”

“Oh well congratulations!” Jon said as he tapped his foot against the ground and glanced at his clock. “Sounds like... fun?”

“I’m really excited! But at the same time I’m a little bit nervous about my speech.” Twilight added as she paced back and forth in the living room of her tree house. “My friend Pinkie Pie suggested I open with a joke but... I’m not so sure.”

“I agree with this Pinkie Pie.” Jon said, unaware of how rare such a statement was. “Sometimes a little humor helps make the medicine go down... take it from someone who's actually a comedian.”

“But you see that’s just it!” Twilight urged. “For someone like you it’d be no problem but I don’t know the first thing about comedy... and well... I did come up with a joke but I don’t know if it’s any good.”

“Careful Twilight because from there it’s a slippery slope. Oh sure you’ll do one little joke here and there then before you know you’ll be selling ‘Knock knock’ jokes on street corners for cheap.” Jon jested, earning him not so much as a chuckle in return. “Okay but how bout this... how about you tell me the joke and I’ll let you know what needs improvement or what you can change to make it flow better?”

“You mean like a study group!” She asked with a level of enthusiasm one would expect from a child being offered a key to a chocolate factory.

“...Yes...” He mutter as he rubbed his aging eyes. “Like a study group.”

“Okay! Here I go!” She warned as she cleared her throat. “Why was metal in the marching band?”

“Uh, I don’t know... why?” He asked.

“Because it’s a good conductor!” She answered, leaving the answer to hang in the air a bit. She waited eagerly for Jon’s reaction. Since she couldn't see him she hoped the joke was so good it left him speechless, but in actuality Jon didn’t say anything because he was too busy contemplating how, even though he was apart of his high school's chess club, even he was less nerdy than she was.

“That bad?” Twilight asked.

“That bad.” Jon answered.

“ARGH! You’ve got to help me Jon!” She blurted as she caught herself talking too loudly. “The crowds are going to eat me alive, and if I don’t do well on this then I’ll never get invited back, and if I never get invited back then Celestia will think I’m not a good speech writer and then she’ll never--”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down Twilight!” Jon urged as he made gestures with his hand on instinct. “Look I’ll help you I’ll just uh... okay here you said this is going to be at a school right?”

“Not just any school Jon! This is a University where only the brightest minds and most talented of Unicorns get accepted!” She answered.

“Alright well... then just say something like... like uh; ‘Hey, what’s the... what’s the difference between a college intern and a royal guard?’” He asked, waiting a crucial second for the set up to sink in. “‘One of them stands still and does nothing useful all day, and the other one gets paid to do the same thing.’”

Like before there was a silence from both parties, only this time stillness was broken by the sound of laughter coming from Twilight’s end. Her stiffened giggles were clear as she tried her best not to be too vocal.

“Glad you like it.” He added.

“Oh yes I do!” She answered. “But more importantly the ponies over at ECU will love it! Mind if I use this for my speech?”

“Oh it’d be my pleasure... I mean virtually anything is better than that conductor one of yours.” Jon jokingly chided.

“Yeah, Spike didn’t like it either... even after I explained it to him.” She said, “Speaking of which would you like me to wake him up for you? That is why you’re calling right? To talk to Spike?”

“Actually... I’m not calling for young Spike.” Jon revealed. “I’m actually here to talk to you.”

“M-Me?” Twilight asked. “You want to talk to me?”

“Of course I do!” He continued. “And well... put it this way... you know that joke I just gave you?”

“Yeeees?” She answered.

“Well in return I uh...I sorta need another favor.” He said.

There was a silence between the two friends so apparent that even the two children knew no one was talking. Over on Twilight's side she was distancing herself further from where Spike was sleeping in case her talking would wake him up. While she did this she also contemplating what she could possibly do for Jon.

“Another favor?” Twilight echoed with uncertainty.

“Yeah you know just a simple favor between friends.” Jon pleaded as he began to walk in circles. “I mean you do help your friends, right?”

“O-of course I do!” She blurted. “After all friendship is magic.” On any other occasion saying something like that would have earned her a sound teasing from Jon but since he was in a position where he needed her help he decided to let it slide.

“Why yes it certainly is!” He responded. “Anyway, I was wondering if I could get you to do one simple thing for me.”

“And that is?” She wondered aloud.

“I need you to teleport me into your world.” He revealed. The request wasn’t complicated or plagued with with hidden agendas, or at least as far as Twilight knew, and yet something about it all made her dubious.

“Y-you need me to teleport you here?” She wondered. Ordinarily such a request would have completely caught her off guard, but since Jon had done this before she wasn't that surprised. “Uh... not that I’m saying no or anything like that but don’t you usually ask the Princess to do this sort of thing?”

“Normally yes but as it so happens I can’t because she’s too busy at the moment,” He said. “And well I really need to get into Equestria so I figured why not ask you.”

“Hm I see. Well did she tell you anything? Did she happen to say why she’s so preoccupied?” She asked. “Because to be honest lately I’ve actually had a difficult time trying to get in contact with her myself... all I know is that she isn’t to be disturbed right now because she’s busy on something very important. I don’t know what it is but the last time I talked with her she asked me to give every medical book I own.”

Jon didn’t like the sound of this.

“I have no idea myself; I can’t even get her to answer her phone,” Jon answered. “Which is why I’ve called you today... I could really use your help here.”

“Jon... you-- you know I consider you a good friend.” Twilight reminded.

“But?” He said.

“But I feel slightly uneasy about going behind Celestia’s back like this... again” She answered. “If the Princess isn’t returning your calls then maybe... maybe she has a good reason to do so.”

“Oh come on Twi!” Jon objected.

“I’m sorry Jon, but sometimes Celestia has her reasons, you or I might not understand them but that’s just the way it is.” She continued. “Plus nopony is allowed to traverse through worlds without her express permission at this time.”

“Well aren’t you her loyal student?” Jon asked. “Surely you have clearance.” There was a slight pause on the phone.

“T-that’s not the point.” She blurted, surprised by Jon’s correct assumption. “I just... why do you want to come over here anyway?”

Jon was not too eager to answer her question. His plan at this point was to enter their world and confront Celestia face to face to get some answers, but with Twilight now acting as the gatekeeper he was forced to change his approach a bit.

“I just need to walk around Ponyville for a bit.” Jon lied. “I need a new pony to fill a guest slot so I need to scout for some talent.”

“Oh... and that’s it?” Twilight asked.

“That’s it.” Jon once again fibbed. Originally he was going to ask for her to teleport him right in the middle of Canterlot Castle but now there was no way she’d knowingly allow him to disturb her mentor. Jon hated having to lie to his friends, but for him this was a necessary evil. “I’ll be in and out before you know it, I promise.”

“Gee... I don’t know.” Twilight rubbed the back of her neck.

“What seems to be the problem?” Jon pushed. “You’ve done this before?”

“I know it’s just... something just feels... I don’t know, off.” She confessed. Twilight may not have been able to read minds (not without casting some kind of mind reading spell first) but if she could she’d realize her suspicions wouldn’t be without justification. Jon’s new plan was simple; if he couldn't get teleported to Celestia then the next best option would be to walk up to her front door in secret; something which Twilight would undoubtedly object to.

Usually by now Jon would have underhandedly try to guilt trip his way into Equestria by complaining to Twilight how much he still ached from the injuries suffered at the hands of Chrysalis. A tactic he himself learned from his Jewish grandmother who had long since mastered the technique. However he had something even better at his disposal.

“Ah see that’s too bad Twilight.” Jon said as he pressed a button to make his phone go into speaker mode. “Because my kids were really looking forward to seeing their dad interview another pony on TV... right kids.”

Both Nathan and Maggie were confused at first but being the clever children that they were they quickly understood what devious tactic they're father was trying to accomplish. After a quick wink from Jon the two of them launched themselves from their seats and ran to the phone screaming at the top of their lungs.

“PLEASE MS. TWILIGHT!” Maggie yelled.

“LET DADDY GO TO HORSEY LAND!” Nathan added.

“PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!!!” Maggie continued.

This went on for so long that their constant begging just started to sound like nonsensical gibberish after a while, like having hundreds of puppies barking for attention. Though with every passing second Twilight was fast becoming more and more susceptible to their begging, culminating in her usual level headed demeanor being shattered.

“Okay, okay I’ll do it!” Twilight blurted over the children.

“YAAAAY!” The kids cheered as she ran around their father who was switching back to standard mode.

“So... are we ready to start?” Jon asked innocently.

“That was unnecessary.” Twilight scolded. “But yes let’s begin.”

“Thank you!” Jon exclaimed. “I owe ya one!”

“Two!” She corrected. “You owe me twice now!”

“Yes, yes of course!” He said.

“Now then... I only have enough power to send you so far... so where would you like to go specifically.” She asked as she readied her horn.

If Jon had his way he’d say Canterlot Castle infirmary, but since that wasn’t an option he had to improvise a bit.

“I would like to go to the eastern edge of Ponyville.” Jon answered, as he assumed the position. In response Twilight began to stabilize her magic. Placing his hand over the phone’s receiver Jon quickly kneeled down to talk to his children.

“Okay kids daddy will be back real soon.” He said. “While I’m gone stay out of trouble and I promise I’ll find out what’s going on with Trixie.”

“Can we come with you!?” Maggie begged, pulling against his pant leg.

“Sorry sweetie, but no. This is something I need to do by myself.” Jon said as he tousled her hair. Standing back up he placed the phone back to his ear as the two kids look slightly upset . “Okay Twilight are we almost ready?”

“Yes, the spell is just about ready to be cast.” She announced as her horn began to glow a powerful glow. “Just a few more seconds.”

For Jon this was more than just a simple trip to Equestria, this was his chance to get down to business and uncover what was going on.

Some might say that he was being paranoid but the evidence was piling up. Celestia wasn’t letting anyone disturb her, then she wanted all of Twilight medical texts, and of course her refusal to talk to anyone, including both himself and her most faithful student.

Something was happening over at Canterlot Castle and Jon wanted to know what it was because he had a sneaking suspicion it has something to do with Trixie.

“Okay I’m ready!” Twilight announced, jolting Jon out of his trance. “Now... you're sure you’re just going to look for a guest... right?”

“Scout’s honor.” Jon said. He was never in Scouts.

Within a split second and a temporarily blinding burst of light Jon was swept away on a tide of magic, throwing him between worlds right before the eyes of his children. They had seen this before but they never got tired of it.

Jon’s covert mission has officially begun. He was now on his way to Canterlot Castle to confront Celestia about his dear friend Trixie... or so he thought.

Episode 17 [Rarity]: NO NOT AGAIN!!!

Like always, whenever Jon got sent to Equestria he usually did so in an instant, to the point where on more than one occasion he would miss the transition completely because he blinked. In this case Jon was so lost in his thoughts that he barely noticed that he was now staring at a wall. That was not the only thing he noticed; when Jon took a step back he bumped his leg on something hard and low to the ground. When he turned around to see what it was, fearing that it might’ve been a wayward pony, he soon realized that he was a foot away from huge gaping hole in the earth otherwise known as a water well.

“Jesus, Twilight.” Jon pressed himself against the wall he moments ago staring at. “Cutting it pretty close aren’t ya.”

Like before Twilight’s powers weren’t as focused as her mentor so when she sent Jon to Ponyville she did so aimlessly within a certain radius. It wasn’t as dangerous as Trixie teleporting Jon to Cloudsdale, but the random factor meant there were odd, often dangerous, results like this.

However, dangerous opportunities aside, Twilight did get her spell right in that Jon was now on the Eastern end of Ponyville.

“Alright,” Jon thought as he began to walk down an adjacent, and empty dirt road. “Time to catch a ride.”

What most people, incorrectly, assume about Jon Stewart is that he was born and raised in New York; but this was only half the story. He was born in New York yes but his family then moved to New Jersey; it was only later in his life did he move back to his beloved city and start his life as an entertainer. And it was during this jovial return did he discover a proficient, and completely necessary, talent at memorizing street layouts.

If you are ever lost in New York and need to go somewhere, Jon could give you directions better than any talking GPS and tell you the best restaurant along the way. This talent also extended to Equestria as well.

Jon was proud in his knowledge of the Ponyville layout; especially since he’d only been here a few times. He knew roughly what attractions and where some ponies lived.

If you want a good slice of cake you go to Sugar Cube corner on Apple avenue on the west side. If you want to buy a souvenir or wish to sell goods to some traders you go to market street. If you want to talk to the mayor or apply for a permit you head to the financial district in the very center of town. And of course if you want to ride a hot air balloon or take the train out of town to say somewhere like, Canterlot Castle... you head towards the west side of Ponyville, otherwise known as the industrial part of town.

As Jon made his way down his current street he knew that he was a few blocks away from hitching a ride on any number of public transportation. From there he would go to Canterlot and catch a lift on one of the trolleys straight up to the Castle.

And, although he hated having to rely on this, his plan, for if he caught some slack for trying to go to the castle, would be to flaunt his celebrity status and remind those that he and the Princess were business partners. The plan was solid in Jon’s head; right now he just needed a ride.

Because of the human world and Equestria existing in completely different universes on two completely different solar systems, their respective calendars were nowhere near in synch. Sometimes when Jon arrived in Equestria it would be night while back home it was morning, on some occasions their time zones would be relatively the same (bar a few hours or so) but in this case while it was almost time for Jon to go to bed, here in Equestria most ponies were still sleeping because it was very early in the morning.

A cold wind blew through the empty streets of Ponyville forcing Jon to button up his sports jacket all the way up. It was still too early for most ponies to be up and about, and for Jon that was most preferable, it meant that he didn’t have to waste any time talking to would be fans. At least that’s what he thought; that cold wind could very well have been a warning for what was flying right behind just a few inches away.

“What’cha doing?” A voice chimed.

“GAH!” Jon yelped as he jumped forward and spun around with his hand over his heart. It took a second to identify the Pegasus hovering in front of him.

The first thing he noticed, which was this pony's most apparent feature, wasn’t the blonde hair, grey body, or awkward flying... it was her eyes.

“D-Derpy?” Jon asked. Hearing her name caused the carefree Pegasus to squint her eyes and give a judgmental stare.

“How do you know my name?” She asked, as she flew higher over Jon’s head almost to the point where she was hovering upside down. “Have we met?”

Jon couldn't tell if she was joking or not; then he realized who he was talking to.

“Y-you’re kidding right? Derpy... i-it’s me, Jon... Jon Stewart?” He said which only seemed to make her more confused. “I had you on my show?”

“Ummmm.... wha?” She said, scrunching nose in confusion.

“Oh come on, seriously!” Jon blurted. “You were the first pony I ever had on my show! You brought your book and everything! Don’t you remember.”

In response to his claims Derpy flew in uncomfortably close to Jon’s face. With eyes in all directions and nose still krinkled she examined Jon’s face and even starting to smell him to see if anything would spark.

“Well?” Jon said. Finally she spoke. “You remember me?”

“Nope.” She chuckled, as she rubbed the back of her head and stuck her tongue out innocently.

“Seriously!” He bellowed. “You told me it was the best night of your life! And you don’t even recognize me!”

Again Derpy flew in close, this time pressing her face against Jon’s, like a child making funny faces on a surface of a window to get a better look. He would have sighed in discomfort but his entire face was smothered. In time however Derpy recoiled back and gasped so loud Jon thought she might wake up the entire town.

“Holy crackers!” She yelled, her eyes now sparkling. “You.... you...”

“Yeeeeeees.” Jon said leaning forward in anticipation.

“You’re Stephen Colbert!” She announced. A silence once again found it’s place in the empty streets of Ponyville as a devastated Jon Stewart turned on his heels and continued on his way without so much as a word.

As he turned a corner Derpy followed close just overhead.

“Why are you here in Ponyville?” She asked, flying so close that Jon could feel the wind coming off of her wings.

“Well it’s not like you’d even remember but if you must know I’m on my way to Canterlot Castle.” He answered. “I got some... work to do there.”

“I got work too!” She cheerfully announced. “I’m on my way to the post office... I get to deliver all the mail... even the big ones now!”

Stopping for a moment Jon looked behind him then back at Derpy.

“Isn’t the post office over there?” He pointed to the opposite end of where he was heading.

“Yep!” Derpy acknowledged as she continued to follow Jon down the street.

“Aren’t.... aren’t you going to be late?” He asked.

“Late for what?” Derpy asked back.

“L-late for work!” He said in a loud tone so she could hear her.

“Oh... wait where do I work again?” She said causing Jon to slam his palm against his forehead.

“OKAY! How bout this!” Jon yelled as he reached into his coat pocket and took out a piece of paper. It was a report card he received from one of his kids the other day, that he had left in his coat pocket but never got around to actually looking over. “Derpy, take this!”

“Okay!” She trilled, grabbing the note with her mouth. “Now what!”

“Listen carefully Derpy... I want you to deliver this letter for me.” He explained. “I want you to deliver this note for me as fast as you can... first class mail... Can. You. Do. That?”

“Why sure I can!” She boasted as she tried to salute with her hoof only to accidentally wack herself on the nose. “Who do I deliver it to?”

“Listen very, very carefully Derpy.” Jon said, causing her to lift her ear in the wrong direction. “I want you... to deliver this letter to someone called Jon Stewart... I repeat... deliver this letter to Jon Stewart... can you do that, Pony Express?”

“I will do my best!” She assured him and she turned around and flew to where she thought was up in the sky but in fact was towards the ground due to her being upside down. With her flank in the air and her wings dragging her head across the floor she slowly crept along the dirt road while Jon just stood, shaking his head.

“And yet she she’s still better than FedEx.” Jon chuckled as she soon vanished around the corner. As she disappeared something caught his attention from the same area. Another figure emerged going the opposite way of where Derpy was heading; it was a pair of ponies who were as bewildered by Derpy’s actions as one might expect.

Jon’s first instinct was to turn around, walk away and pay no heed to these newcomers, but unfortunately he knew these two, which caused him to freeze in place, unable to move. The two ponies walking caught a glimpse of Jon which shook him down to his very core.

The scene of two parties facing each other on opposite sides of a dirt road looked like something out of an old Clint Eastwood film, only instead of a heroic cowboy who doesn’t follow the rules there was a petrified Jew starting at two little ponies.

One of the ponies Jon only vaguely remembered. She was an Earthpony, her coat was cream colored and mane streaks of dark blue and pink. But the other one Jon knew all too well... he recognized her sea-foam green coat and cyan mane.

“Oh no,” Jon groaned in fear. “Not Lyra.”

Jon had nothing against the lively Unicorn, it’s just that whenever she was around Jon seemed to get hurt. It all started when they first met a few months back and he almost choked to death after being full on tackled by her, and that was just her greeting. Jon’s fear of her only got worse when Queen Chrysalis invaded his show disguised as Lyra, and while Jon knew it wasn’t actually her he couldn't help but equate Lyra with pain when he was being thrown around and suffocated.

That same cold wind once again flew through Jon’s hair, reminding him he needed to be somewhere. Carefully he took a step back, then another hoping that maybe he could get out of here in once piece; no such luck.

“HEY IT’S JON!” Lyra yelled as she bolted in his direction against the wishes of her companion. Change of plans; Jon’s new mission in life was to be anywhere other than where Lyra was.

“FUCK NOT AGAIN!” Jon yelled as he ran down the nearest alleyway as fast as he could without regard for anything in his path.

Despite his age and lack of fitness Jon could run somewhat faster than most ponies (though not for very long) because of his longer legs. Though long legs or not Lyra was fueled with such desires to meet him that she was quickly closing the gap.

All of Jon’s knowledge of the town’s layouts was being put to good use as he ran from street to street in random order to avoid his enclosing heat seeking missile that was Lyra Heartstrings. A few twists and turns later Jon now found himself more towards the center of town, making him an open target.

“Shit!” He thought. “I need to hide!”

The sound of galloping coming from nearby ally made a very nervous Jon Stewart lunge for the first door that he could persuade to open for him. Jumping into whatever establishment he just intruded on he quickly shut the door as quietly as he could and ducked down into a fetal position against its frame. Jon had no idea where he just barged his way into and he didn't care. He could hear the sound of hooves pounding against the ground almost as quickly as his heart was beating and didn't move till the sound of hooves on cobblestone dissipated.

Slowly standing he peered through the window of the door to see a confused Lyra looking all around her before desperately choosing a street to continue her hunt. Jon slumped back down to a sitting position just in time to miss Bon-Bon chasing after her.

“Thank god.” He sighed, trying to catch his breath. After a moment of quiet meditation he opened his eyes to take stock of where he was; and what he saw surprised him.

When Jon first came to Equestria he felt a lot of conflicting emotions about having been sent to a new world filled with talking animals. He felt fearful over being in a world that he knew very little about, he felt happy about having a new segment for his beloved show, he also felt extremely out of place and not just in the obvious sense of him being a human among ponies.

But if he had to sum up his experience so far he would probably say his time in Equestria was “captivating.” When he first learned of an entire world outside of his own, a world that seemed like a fairly tale come true, he experienced a sense of wonder and excitement like nothing he’d ever felt before. That same sense came back when he examined the local establishment that he decided to duck into while running away from Lyra.

“Whoa.” He said under his breath as he walked further into this quaint little boutique. All around him Jon was surrounded by clothing and attires the like of which he’d never seen before. Out of all the pieces that could be seen most of them were dresses, dresses that would fit a pony and not much else.

These articles of clothing weren’t so much on display but rather were out in the open in no particular order or reason like someone was taking inventory. Some were in boxes or in a pile in the corner while others were neatly folded on tables or properly hanged in one of those moving display racks.

In addition to numerous types of apparels their styles wavered from retro to modern, making this boutique look more like a museum for ladies wear rather than a store, which is definitely the kind of place Jon’s wife would have dragged him to go see back when they first dated.

Speaking of which, Tracey always had a thing for sewing, she did so occasionally on the side which later rubbed off on Jon. He may not have known how to thread a needle but Jon Stewart was always fascinated with the art of tailoring and clothing design.

Even though time was of the essence he couldn't help but admire such creative works. The amount of variety on display rivaled that of the Daily Show’s wardrobe room where they have costumes for any skit that needed to be played out, so for Jon this was definitely something he had an interest in. But as impressive as they were Jon wasn’t in Equestria for sight-seeing; he needed to be somewhere and it wasn’t here.

Confidently Jon strolled to the door and, with one last lingering look, placed his hand on the door fully ready to walk through it when he saw something that made him fall to the ground like he lost all the bones in his legs. Lyra was still out there.

“Dammit.” Jon thought. Having given up on going down street corner after street corner Lyra now took to patrolling the town square on the assumption that Jon would have to go by here at sometime. But what really got Jon shaking in his suit was that Lyra was now peeking into store window after store window looking for him.

She eventually peered through the door window of the establishment he currently occupied like the raptor scene from Jurassic Park only to proceed to the next one. Jon was safe for now. The sound of her walking to the parlor next door caused him to get back up.

“Well,” he said to himself as he brushed the dust of his sleeve. “Guess I’m stuck here for a bit.” Carefully, as to not make any noise, Jon walked further in the vacant store. There were so many dresses and such strewn about that Jon had to watch his step or else he’d step on one with his dirty shoes. But at least the many attires provided a sort of camouflage in case Lyra peaked in again.

As he did so he looked at different designs all around him as his brain filled in the blanks as to what they were made for, as well as the possibilities they could provide for a skit or two on his show; he could totally see John Oliver wearing that ornate wig while doing a monologue about congress. Although different, about the only thing similar with most of the clothing on display was the liberal use of colored gems which were woven into the tapestry.

Much like the clothing themselves the entire store was a decorative oasis of fine fabrics and custom wares. The walls were a light shade of purple which matched the many tables and show room curtains that were placed strategically for either work related business or general usage. Standing mirrors were in an abundance which reflected the the stylish patterns that were painted on either any given surface or textured ornament. None of these could be seen by Jon with the many clothes scattered about.

Reaching forward he grabbed the sleeve of a protruding walking jacket and rubbed the fabric between his fingers; he was no expert, but it felt very high priced, and like a magpie in a room filled with disco balls, his attention was once again torn away by what looked like museum pieces on the far end of the room.

Propped up against the wall were six dresses, each with their own unique design and each encased in a glass box. The way they were on display closely resembled the Iron Man movies were Tony Stark had his different power suits lined up ready to go when needed. But to say the designs were unique would be like saying the sun is kinda bright.

Each dress was being worn by a pony shaped mannequin and was fashioned in a way that suggested whoever wore them had a similar personality to go along with it. One dress has streaks of rainbows in it while another one had candy corn decals sewn into its skirt; one even came complete with a cowboy hat. Something about them seemed extremely familiar.

“Who makes all of these?” Jon vocally thought to himself. To investigate he knelt down to one knee to read a brass label at the bottom of the display, they were on each case and read in an overly fancy font:

“Replicas of Gala dresses. Rarity Originals”

“Rarity... huh, that rings a bell.” He said, as he got back up. It was then that Jon recalled seeing and hearing that name during his business with Equestrian Interviews. “Wait... one pony made all these?”

Turning around, Jon grabbed a random dress and began to thumb through layer after layer till he found what he was looking for; a tag attached on the inside of the collar. On it there was basic instruction on how to properly take care and wash it but towards the bottom was the same fancy font which read: “Rarity Originals.”

Going to another end of the room Jon tried to see if there was evidence of anyone else who worked on these complex designs. But everywhere he looked he saw the same slogan on tags, receipts, signs, and even a certificate of authenticity.

“Rarity Originals”

“Huh.” He thought as he stroked his chin. “Whoever this Rarity is, she must be very important.”

Back in New York, whenever Jon went to some kind of convenience store or market he always ended up being approached by some 20 something employee asking if he needed help. At first he thought it was out of respect for his social status as an entertainer, it was only later did he realize that it was because they thought he might be some confused old man in need of assistance. And while that was insulting, bordering on true, Jon was really missing that right now.

Since his arrival in this cluttered establishment he hadn’t seen a single pony, which at this hour was to be expected. He almost gave up on ever asking for help till he heard some rustling coming from behind a gathering of hung dresses.

As if he was in a jungle comprised of lavish costumes Jon could see the furrowing and pushing aside of clothing as someone came closer and closer to him.

“Hello?” Jon called out to no avail.

Whatever was heading his way eventually stopped at the edge of the standing clothes as if whoever it might be was now staring at him like a tiger stalking it’s prey. Jon would have investigated to see who it was, but whoever it was beat him to it.

In one fast swoosh a creature leaped forth in front of him, but it instead of feral beast it was something much smaller. A cat.

“Ah good, someone’s here.” Jon said. Slowly he approached the creature, which was staring at him suspiciously, and extended a hand for a shake.

This wasn’t exactly what Jon was expecting but at the same time he was happy to at least have someone to help him. The creature in question was an extremely light grey Persian cat with a purple bow on her head and matching collar with diamonds. Jon doubted that she was Rarity but based on the way she was properly groomed she might’ve at least known her.

“Hello my name is Jon Stewart,” He said, motioning to her paw. “I’m the host of the Daily Show on Comedy Central. Do you think you can help me?”

At first the fancy feline just sniffed his outstretched hand, confused if he would offer her anything. When Jon didn’t do that she began to rub her face against his palm, purring desperately for more attention. This brought Jon to a stunning, yet obvious, realization.

“Okay, note to self.” Jon sighed, now feeling overwhelmingly stupid. “Cats in Equestria don’t talk either.”

Glad that no one was there to see him make a fool of himself Jon complied with the creature’s desires and began to pet it’s head.

“Don’t suppose you know who Rarity is Ms... Opalescence?” He looked at her nametag, only to get more purring in response. “Nah of course ya don’t. You’re just a prissy little kitty huh?”

Unfortunately for him Opal, much like all other cats, had very specific petting zones. For opal it was just her head, and maybe her stomach if she felt like it. But if anyone would go anywhere near her tail she would immediately retaliate, as Jon soon found out.

“OUCH!” Jon yelled after Opal bit his hand and tried to scratch his face. While he licked his newly created wound his attacker walked away with her head up high. “OKAY! Another note to self... cats are assholes in this world too!”

Because of a combination of apathy and a sore back, he just stood up and walked away while still tending to his wounds. Feeling that this was as good as things were going to get Jon made plans to leave and continue to the castle. He took a few steps towards the door when something got his attention; it was the sound of a gasp followed by something falling to the ground.

Quickly he spun around to see that across the room there was a flight of stairs that led to a higher level of the boutique. At the foot of the steps there stood someone new.

Jon was now staring into the surprised eyes of a tiny Unicorn. Based on her size Jon could tell she was just a little kid. She was roughly the same color as the cat that attacked him, but her mane was comprised of light pink and light purple streaks.

But her eyes... her eyes were a shade of green and even though Jon was across the room separated by endless waves of clothing he could easily see them because they were wide with astonishment. Like this was Christmas and she just caught him dressed as Santa.

No one said anything to anyone so Jon decided to make the first move.

“Uh... hi?” He said. “Do uh... do you live here?” The tiny filly said nothing but the way her mouth was moving it was clear she was trying to speak.

“G... g.... g-g... g...” She stuttered, as Jon made a motion with his hands to show he wasn’t dangerous. “g... g-g-g... g-g... g ...”

“Don’t be afraid.” Jon assured her. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m just here to--”

“GIRLS!” The filly yelled as she ran upstairs. “GIRLS! COME HERE, LOOK WHAT I FOUND! GIIIIRLS!?”

Even though she was now all the way up upstairs Jon could still hear her yelling for whoever else was present. She was definitely someone used to yelling loudly judging by how far her voice carried. After some time had passed Jon could no longer hear anything though seeing how surprised she looked Jon assumed that the tiny thing was getting help from a parent or guardian.

Jon didn’t know weather to leave now or to stay to explain that he didn’t mean any harm by coming in to their establishment but after a few seconds had passed a decision was made on his behalf. The once quiet room now echoed with the sound of hoofbeats coming down the stairs; a sound that closely resembled a stampede.

Soon, and without any verbal warning, a trio of fillies bolted down the stairs, ran under the forest of costumes and launched themselves at Jon like they were being launched from a cannon. And even with a three to one disadvantage Jon was large enough, and the fillies small enough, that instead of tumbling back he simply caught them in his arms.

Jon staggered back, the wind slightly knocked out of him, and quickly looked down at the three pairs of eyes looking at him. Out of all the fillies he now currently had tucked into his stomach the one in the middle was the only one he recognized. She was also the first one to say anything.

“HIYA JOHNNY!” She said. “LONG TIME NO SEE.”

It took Jon less than a second to remember her name.

“Applebloom.” Jon smiled. “Nice to see you too.”

Jon was never one to actually realize how well liked and popular he really was; he may have been world famous, but on paper it seemed like he was hardly that successful. A standup comedian from New Jersey who was stuck hosting a show on TV and whose most notable venture outside the realm of political satire was one failed movie.

Truth be told he had a lot of influence on people of all ages, not just in America but in countries all over the world, as well as worlds he didn’t know existed. And while he wasn’t the type to be approached for an autograph while on the streets (though to be fair that was because no one could recognize him without his makeup or suit) he did have fans. But what Jon failed to realize was that here in Ponyville, Lyra wasn’t the only pony eager to meet him.

There was a slight strain in Jon’s back as he struggled to hold onto the three fillies that had jumped into his arms, like a child greeting a parent coming home from work. He only vaguely recognize two of them but there was no mistaking the southern drawl that was Applebloom’s voice.

“It’s real nice to see ya again!” She yelled loud enough for Jon to recoil in surprise. “I missed ya so much!”

“Yeah... I missed you too, sweety.” Jon struggled to continue supporting the three star-eyed children.

“Did’ja bring me anything from New York.” She continued, oblivious to Jon’s awkward balancing act.

“Uh yeah sure I did.” He grunted as he arched his back to relieve some stress. “I got you a bagel from the corner of Broadway and Columbus.”

“That’s great!” She blurted as she turned to her smiling friends. “Me and the girls were actually just talking about trying to get our Cutie marks in--”

“Uh, Sweetheart?” Jon interrupted, his face now showing signs of strain. “Do you mind if I put you girls down now... I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“Oh, of course!” She sputtered as Jon quickly, but gently placed the three fillies on the ground. By correctly lowing himself by bending his knees Jon made it so his back was no longer aching but instead now is legs; this was evident by a look on his face of great displeasure.

“Hey, you okay, dude?” An orange Pegasus with purple hair said.

“Yeah, I should be fine.” Jon answered as he arched his back. “I’m just... I’m just tired.”

“QUICK! Let’s find him something to sit down on!” The light colored Unicorn who first saw Jon exclaimed.

Before Jon could reply, all three fillies scattered to all corners of the room trying to find something that was large enough for Jon to sit in. In their desperate struggle to find a seat worthy enough for a comedian they recklessly, almost unknowingly, caused great destruction to the many articles of clothing in the room.

One of the fillies was a pegasus who took to running on the ground, though she did so with such speed that Jon just saw orange blurs. She would run underneath low hanging dress after another, occasionally getting tangled in one causing the entire display of racked clothing to tumble over.

The one Unicorn with purple and pink in her hair tried to move a nearby coffee table towards Jon. Unfortunately she only managed to move one side which caused a cup of tea to spill over on a pile of concept art.

And last but not least Applebloom, being the innovated filly that she was, instead opted to make her own seat for Jon in the form of a pile of clothing large enough to act as a pseudo-nest. It almost looked like it would work but one fabric of clothing she yanked was still attached to a sewing machine, which promptly tumbled down and shattering into pieces.

None of the three helpful fillies were making much progress.

“Girls please!” Jon begged. “Be careful, you’ll hurt yourself!” But they didn’t listen. This, as well as what was to come, would show Jon just how laser focused these three were when they had their mind set on something. Before Jon was able to negotiate further a voice boomed from behind.

“HEY GIRLS, CHECK IT OUT!” Yelled the orange Pegasus, causing everyone to regroup. “Think this will work?”

Jon was almost terrified to see what she was referring to; though his curiosity was greater. The purple maned pony was motioning to a large black suitcase so large it could probably fit the entire trio of friends, but also small enough to act as a seat for Jon. In terms of size it was perfect

The only problem was, and what the three of them seemed to not understand, was that the case in question was also acting as support for a work bench that had lost two of it’s legs.

“Come on, you two slowpokes!” The tiny Pegasus roared. “Help me move this thing.” Following her order all three girls grabbed a section of the suitcase and began to either push, or pull it towards Jon direction; scraping the ground and leaving marks in the process.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait I don’t think that’s a good Id--”Jon tried to say before being cut off by the sound of the table collapsing, bringing with it an avalanche of tools and kitchen ware which shattered on the ground.

Even though none of damaged items belonged to Jon, nor did he know how half of them even worked, he still felt a twang of pain at seeing the once elegant, if cluttered, room of clothing now reduced to ruins. The destructive powers of these three fillies was so great that it rivaled that of Jon’s own children.

At this point Jon was surprised they didn’t get their Cutie marks in demolition. When he looked down he saw the three children looking up at him with bright eyes and welcoming smiles. Jon didn’t know whether to thank them or scold them for their irresponsible behavior but with the three of them sporting such proud looks on their face for their good deed, he decided to just go with it.

“Thanks.” He sighed as he slowly sat down. Jon adjusted his suit as leaned forward to placed his elbows on his knees “Applebloom sweetie, aren’t you going to introduce me to your little friends?”

“Oh right!” She gasped as she leapt to one side and threw her hooves out in a demonstrative pose. “Johnny, these are my two bestest friends in all of Equestria! This here is Scootaloo!”

“What’s up?” The corresponding pony said, as she wiped her nose with her hoof. It looks like she was on the verge of beating a cold.

“Not much, sport.” Jon answered. “Also are you the same Scootaloo that sends me those letters about Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” She answered proudly. “Wow I can’t believe you remem--

“I see... please stop.” He interrupted in a blunt tone. “I’ll re-interview her when the time is right.” The young Pegasus' red nose not matched her blushing faced at her friends tried to not giggle to loudly at her.

“Ahem! Now then... as I was saying...” Applebloom continued as held back a laugh and motioned to the light grey Unicorn. “That was Scootaloo... and I reckon you’ve already met Sweetie Belle.”

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Stewart.” She chimed.

“Likewise, honey. But please call me Jon... or Johnny; whichever you prefer.” He said as he leaned back to get a good view of his three helpers. “So... Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle huh? Well any friend of Applebloom’s is a friend of mine... thank you girls for the seat.”

“You're welcome!” All three of them said at once.

“You can always count on The Cutie Mark crusaders to get the job done!” Applebloom cheerfully added.

“The Cutie what nows?” Jon pondered aloud, which caused all three fillies to stand up and take notice with shocked expressions.

“Wait a minute!” Scootaloo explained. “You’ve never heard of us before!?”

“Should I have?” Jon asked.

“Of course you should!” Sweetie Belle answered. “Let’s show em girls!”

And with that all three friends jumped into the nearest pile of clothing only to quickly jump back out with matching capes in their backs like they were Clark Kent emerging from a phone booth.

“Oh Lord, what have I gotten myself into?” Jon thought as the three raced to get back in formation.

“We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Applebloom proudly announced to all who could hear her. “Our purpose in life is to do whatever it takes to find that thing that makes us unique and special so that we may finally get our very own CUTIE MARKS!”

Looking briefly to the side Jon noticed for the first time that the three of them were indeed without cutie marks, making them “blank flanks.”

“Aw isn’t that cute,” Jon commented. “So how do you do that? Do you like... make pretend till something happens or what?”

“Hey! We’re not babies!” Sweetie Belle corrected. “We don’t just play around; what we do is serious business!”

“The frilly capes tell me otherwise.” Jon teased, as he crossed one leg over another and echoed a hefty laugh. “I got to say Applebloom, it is nice seeing my favorite filly again.”

Hearing this made the young Earthpony giggle and blush slightly while the other two looked on with jealous eyes.

“I can’t even remember the last time we met,” He said, setting himself up for a quick joke. “Oh that’s right, I remember now! It was when I teleported in the middle of your class and stole your teacher.”

For a second it looked as if Applebloom was about to comment on that, but before she would her two friends literally jumped in to add to the conversation.

“We were there!” Sweetie Belle announced.

“We totally were!” Scootaloo added with a sniffle. “We all go to the same school! Me and Sweetie Belle always thought Applebloom was lying about knowing you but now we for sure believe her.”

“HEY!” Applebloom blurted, but not before a roaring laughter at her expense by her friends.

“Hey Mr. Stew... I mean Jon?” Sweetie Belle eagerly asked after the teasing had come to a stop. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, hun.” Jon answered.

"Okay thanks." Sweetie Belle said. Jon waited for her to ask her question but all she did was stare at Jon till he finally spoke.

"Um... you-- what did you want to ask me?" He asked.

"Oh that was it." Sweetie Belle revealed. "My question was 'can I ask you something.'"

A joke that terrible was something he'd expect from his own children which was just one reason he found it so humorous and adorable.

"Oh ho! Nice one." Jon chuckled. "I'll have to remember that one!"

"Thanks... but there actually was something I wanted to ask you." She said, prompting Jon to wave his hand for her to continue. "What are you doing here in Equestria?” This question was simple and to be expected, and yet it caught the famous comedian by surprise as well as reminded him of why he was here in the first place.

“Oh well I’m actually uh... I’m actually here on a secret mission.” He answered. He didn’t want anyone to know what his true intentions were so in a split second he came up with this story instead. A uncharacteristically rookie mistake on his part since it just make the children in the room more curious.

“Tell us, tell us, tell us!” The three of them demanded.

“Sorry girls, but it’s top secret.” Jon dug himself deeper. “If I told you then what would be the point?”

“But you gotta tell us!” Applebloom begged.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo added. “We gave you a seat so it’s the least you can do!”

“Whatever happened to good deeds for the sake of good deeds?” Jon asked.

“Pffft that’s for suckers!” Scootaloo chorded.

“Does your mission have something to do with the Carousel Boutique?” Sweetie Belle demanded to know. Using inference on the sophistication of the name Jon figured it was the name of the establishment he wandered into.

“Oh so that’s what this place is called.” Jon said. From here the girls wouldn’t drop the subject; though Jon knew how to handle this. He had kids of his own so he knew of a good way to change the tides; by changing the subject.

“So come on! Out with it!” Scootaloo demanded. “What are you doing here, buster!”

“You know I could ask you the same question, young lady!” Jon challenged. “From what I could gather this place belongs to someone called ‘Rarity’... how do I know you guys aren’t robbing the joint?”

“That’s not true!” Applebloom depended.

“Yeah sure. I bet you had this placed staked out for months!” He continued, with a forced look of disappointment. “I can see it now... you three spying on poor innocent Rarity through binoculars across the street in a parked van.”

“But I drive a scooter!” Scootaloo interjected.

“Trying to get your breaking and entering cutie marks, huh?” He teased.

“I would never do that to my sister!” Sweetie Belle said.

“Ooooh so you live here do ya?” Jon said. “Then that makes this an inside job! For shame Sweetie Belle... on your own sister!”

“But I’m innocent!” Sweetie Belle maintained, jumping up and down while Jon laughed at her pouting face.

“Oh honey I’m just pulling your leg.” Jon cooed. “So why does your sis have all her gear on display? Is she having a blowout sale or is she just taking inventory?”

“Oh we did this!” Scootaloo said in a rather proud tone. “We were trying to see if we could get our Cutie Marks in moving stuff around... but it didn’t work out so well.”

“Yeah, we got bored so we went upstairs to color.” Sweetie Belle added.

“You three... were trying to get your Cutie Marks in furniture removal?” Jon surmised. “Wow... you girls really shoot for the stars don’t ya.”

The three may’ve been good at teasing, but Jon was an expert. Though now having known that this establishment belonged to her older sister, Jon slowly did a glance from the door to the staircase. He did so to admire the absolute mess that was before him at the hands of the three fillies and came to the conclusion that he did not want to stick around to see Rarity’s reaction.

“Well... this has been all rather nice. Getting to know you all and catching up on old times.” Jon said as he slowly lifted himself up. “But like the US military in Iraq I think I’ve overstayed my welcome.”

“Awwwww you're leavin’ already!?” Applebloom complained. “But ya’ll just got here!”

“Sorry sweetheart but I have to.” He said. “If I don’t leave now I’ll never--”

The sound of a chirpy tune cut through the air silencing Jon and earning him the immediate attention of everyone present. The sound was coming from his breast pocket and made him tense up in fear.

It was his cellphone.

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Rarity's big chance

Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle were unsure as to why Jon, the moment his phone starting ringing, had suddenly froze in the middle of the room. What was more confusing was the look of terror on his face like he was was in trouble... they weren’t too far off.

“Oh no,” Jon thought. “Who the hell is calling me?”

“Is something wrong Johnny?” Applebloom ask. “You look all weird.”

“Oh uh, we-- no it's uh, it’s... i-i-i-it's fine!” He assured her. “Probably just work calling me for some boring adult stuff.”

This was a lie. The phone that was currently crying out to Jon was his private line; no one from work (except Selina) knew this number. The only people who had knowledge of this line was, his family, close friends... and Celestia, who had enchanted his phone so it would get reception no matter where he was.

“Oh shit.” He thought. “Could... could it be.” Jon wasn’t entirely sure how he should be feeling at that moment. All he ever wanted was to get a chance to talk to Celestia and see what was going on with Trixie... but now that it was potentially happening he felt less than excited about the idea.

Did Celestia finally have time in her busy schedule to return one of Jon’s several messages? Did she have news about Trixie? Was it good or bad news? Did Derpy sell him out and now she knew about his sneaking into her world again and was upset? Or maybe it wasn’t her at all?

All these questions and more invaded Jon’s mind and refused to be silenced till Jon took the next logical step. Slowly he grabbed the phone from his breast pocket and raised it to his face like it was a particularly heavy dumbbell. When his eyes finally met with the screen he finally exhaled and fell back down to this seat as if he was a balloon and someone let out all his air.

“A 212 area code.” Jon thought. “It’s not her.”

Jon felt relieved and slightly disappointed at the same time. His heart was racing so instead of answering he took a moment to get ahold of himself.

“Hey Johnny!” Appleboom yelled while waving her hooves. “Are ya’ll sure you’re alright?” With a sigh he leaned forward.

“Yeah I’m alright I just uh.... I just need to take this call.” He said as he was moments away from sliding his finger across the screen. But just then a something grabbed his arm and yanked him down. It was Scootaloo trying to get his attention.

“OH, OH, OH, CAN I ANSWER IT!” She asked in an overly excited tone. To really show she was serious the young Pegasus yanked Jon so far down that he was now looking at her eye to eye, his shocked expression matched only by her desire to play with the strange human’s device.

Normally Jon would have said no, he did not like other people playing with this phone, but since this was not his business phone, and the fact that it was Manhattan, there was a good chance it was just someone from the Stewart Family home asking where he was. When he weighed the pros and cons he saw no harm with indulging her.

“...Sure.” He said as he gave the still ringing phone to Scootaloo.

“Awesome!” She roared as her two friends crowded around her to look at her new find, jumping at cheering at this opportunity.

“Okay, now listen very carefully, sport. When you answer the phone this is what you need to say,” He lectured, stopping briefly to make sure she was listening. “‘Hello, you have reached Jon Stewart’s private phone number. Who should I say is calling and how can I direct your call’... think you can do that?”

“Uh, yeah sure!” Scootaloo said.

“Are you positive?” Jon asked. “Remember it’s ‘Hello, you have reached Jon Stewart’s private phone number. Who should I say is calling and how can I direct your call’”

“Yeah, yeah I got it.” She assured him. “‘Hello, you’ve reached Jon Stewart’s phone.. Who are you and how can I dissect your call’... can I answer it now!?”

“Close enough.” He thought. With a nod of the head Jon gave her permission to proceed. Interestingly, instead of using her hoof to slide the lock off the phone to answer she instead used the top of her left wing while using her hooves to hold the phone in place. She then without hesitation held it to her ear and took a deep breath, fully ready to speak... only to remain silent. She forgot her lines.

“What’s up!” She yelled, causing Jon to bury his face in his hands while she continued to talk to whoever was on the other line. “Who me? My name is Scootaloo... yes it is... yes he is... I don’t know can you?... I don’t know... who are you!?...A likely story lady! How do I know if Jon even has a wife!?”

“Give me that!” Jon demanded as he swiped his phone back while the three troublemakers giggled to each other. “Oh, and if I were you I’d cross ‘secretary’ off your list of possible Cutie Marks.”

Curious as to what this call was about all three fillies gathered around Jon trying their best to hear what was being said, though much like before the conversation was completely one-sided.

“Hey babe don’t worry I’m here... no... no that was just uh... just a fan of mine... yeah, no I am... yeah... yeah I’m in Ponyville because of... well you know.” He said as the three girls tried to guess what she was saying. “Wait what... oh that... yeah it’s another one of the equipments I... no that does happen... I agree just call Selina and tell her to pick it up... exactly yes... okay... okay I will, I promise... okay... yes, I love you too babe, bye.”

After their short conversation ended Jon promptly holstered his device back over his heart whereupon he saw Applebloom and Sweetie Belle staring at him with glinted eyes.

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!” They both trilled.

“What?” Jon said.

“You said the ‘L’ word!” Sweetie Belle answered.

“I didn’t know you had your own very special somepony!” Applebloom added.

“Let’s get one thing straight here.” He said in a off tone. “Tracey ain’t no pony! She’s Catholic.”

Despite his jesting the two friends continued their affectionate cooing. Scootaloo by comparison was expressively indifferent towards the subject.

“So what did she want?” Scootaloo asked while trying to put a gap between her and her squawking friends.

“Oh nothing really, she just wanted to know where I was,” he answered. “And to tell me that she found one of my suitcases.”

“...Suitcases?” Scootaloo asked, as she and her friends moved in, their bodies fueled by curiosity. “What suitcases.”

“Oh it’s nothing special you see I... well not too long ago I did a special episode here in Equestria.” Jon explained. “I got to interview Princess Luna in front of the Castle.”

“Oh I remember that one!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“Me too!” Scootaloo added. “It’s my favorite episode ever... well second next to Rainbow Dash’s of course.”

“Yeah well Celestia... wait... you girls watch my show?” He asked.

“Of course we do!” Applebloom proudly announced. “We always take time in between crusading to watch you on TV.”

This declaration was only slightly exaggerated. Applebloom wanted to assure Jon that they were loyal fans... in practice it just made him feel uncomfortable.

Jon’s opinions on censorship was always a wavering one. In his younger years he was always against it and when someone brought up that without it kids might see inappropriate content his response would be to point out that they would just see it anyway and if you deny it to them they’ll just want to see it more. When he was a kid his mother always told him to not look at those hidden magazines at the corner bodega but that only made him want to do it more.

His opinions on the subject leaned less liberal when he had his own kids however; both he and his wife made sure they didn’t watch his show. And while Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo weren’t his kids, he still felt awkward.

“By the way... we were watching an episode of yours the other day and you were talking about something we didn’t understand.” Applebloom said. “Remember girls?”

“Oh that’s right!” Scootaloo complied. “You were talking about something called... 'congress.'”

“Ah, I actually get this alot.” Jon admitted. One thing he learned about Pony audiences was that for the most part his base sense of humour was very easy to infer upon but a great deal of context was lost to them. For almost all of them when Jon made a joke about a certain person or body of government they understood the how portion of the joke but not the why.

“Yeah so can we ask you a question about that?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Sure. If there is anything you want to clarify for you let me know.” Jon offered, actually looking forward to sharing his knowledge of American politics to such young minds.

“Alright... well in your show you called congress a certain word.” Applebloom said. “And we didn’t know what it meant.”

“Oh no.” Jon thought, now thinking that maybe he might be way over his head.

“... What does ‘Procrasturbation’ mean?” She asked. Definitely way over head.

“OKAY! Uh... whew... alright uh well you see... um.” Jon stammered before clearing his throat and sitting straight up. “Ask your parents.”

“Ugh! That’s what everypony says!” A disappointed Scootaloo grumbled as she wiped her nose.

“Well I’m sorry but I just don’t feel like... I mean aren’t you girls a little too young to be watching my show?” He asked with a concerned look about him.

“Pfft you sound just like my sister.” Applebloom sneered. “She’s always telling me to not watch your show.”

“Mine too!” Sweetie Belle added. “Rarity says it’s a bad influence on me and it teaches young fillies how to use foul language.”

“...Well?” Jon asked. “Do you end up saying bad words?” There was a silence followed by a quick shifting eyes from the three friends.

“I don't know.” Appleboom answered.

“Uh, a-a-anyway!” Scootaloo injected, to try and change the subject. “About those suitcases!”

“Huh? Oh right! So anyway, after I finished interviewing Luna I was approached by Celestia backstage... she said that the show was such a monumental success that she wished to keep the portable Daily Show stage here as a keepsake... apparently it’s going to be put on display at the Canterlot Museum’s hall of fame or something.” He continued to explain. “Well all she needed from me was the stage and backdrop... everything else that we had brought, lights, cameras, sound equipment etcetera, we brought back but we didn’t take all of it at once.. so every now and again the Princess sends me some of my leftover gear... it’s a pain, but at least almost everything is accounted for.”

“Oh.” Scootaloo said, slightly disappointed by Jon’s lackluster explanation. “But then how do you do your show without all your gear?”

“No, no the stage we brought here was an easily portable one.” He answered. “It’s the same one we took to Washington and Florida and... it was a spare... a spare set so we could afford parting with it for so long.”

While Scootaloo and Applebloom wondered what Washington and Florida were, Sweetie Belle had a sudden moment of clarity so powerful that a tiny spark of magic ignited at the tip of her horn like a small firework.

“I GET IT NOW! I KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE!” She announced surprising everyone in the room. “You’re here to interview my sister!”

This sudden accusation made Sweetie Belle’s two friends immediately look up at Jon who was sporting a similar look of uncertainty.

“Beg pardon?” Jon said.

“That’s why you’re here in Carousel Boutique! You’re ‘secret mission’ is to ask my sister to come on your show!” She explained, confident with her theory. “And that’s why you didn’t tell us because you wanted it to be a surprise!”

Before Jon could explain how her interpretations of Jon’s visit was misguided her two friends joined the fray, apparently sharing her assumptions.

“Of course! It all makes sense now! You’ve interviewed all our sister's except Sweetie Belle’s!” Scootaloo joined in. “You interviewed my sister; Rainbow Dash, and you’ve interviewed Applebloom’s sister, Applejack... now all you gotta do is interview Rarity!”

Hey yeah that's true!" Applebloom agreed. "Well except for the part about you and Rainbow Dash since you don't actually have a sis-”

Before she could finish her sentence Scootaloo quickly shoved her hoof into her mouth to prevent her from speaking, before looking back at Jon.

“Like I said... you’ve already interviewed our sisters, but not her’s.” Scootaloo added.

“That’s gotta be why you’re here! Right Johnny!?” Applebloom asked after breaking free. “You’re here to ask Rarity to come on your show.”

Jon hated to have to disappoint children.

“Look girls... I’m sorry to have to say this but... that’s actually not why I’m here.” Jon confessed, earning him a mixture of shocked and disheartened faces.

“W-w-what!?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed!

“Then why the heck are you even here!?” Scootaloo demanded to know.

“I’m here because...” Jon paused, he couldn't bring himself to actually go there at the moment. “Well like I said it’s top secret because--”

“Because you really are going to ask Rarity!” Sweetie Belle interrupted, convinced that there was still a chance. “But you just don’t want to tell us yet!”

“Geez you don’t give up do ya, hun?” Jon sighed. “Ok look I’ll tell you why I’m really here.”

The three friends suddenly stopped with either trying to converse with Jon or each other and immediately sat down to listen like it was story time at school.

“Alright listen... the reason I’m here is because... is because I’m trying to sneak into Canterlot Castle.” He confessed, much to the confusion of the three fillies.

“Uh Johnny?” Applebloom said. “You do know this aint the castle right?”

“Hey! I’m not senile yet!” He exclaimed. “I know this isn’t the castle I just... I just ducked in here for a bit as a slight detour.”

“Why... do you want to go to the castle?” Scootaloo asked.

“Okay that’s definitely top secret.” He continued. “But just know it has nothing to do with my show or Rarity.”

Upon hearing the revelation the entire room went quiet. After some quick exchanges one of the fillies finally spoke.

“So... you’re not here for my sister?” Sweetie Belle asked, her eyes looking like they were about to shed a tear.

“I’m afraid not.” Jon guiltily confirmed. Again silence, and again broken by Sweetie Belle.

“Well then... can you ask her anyway?” She said.

“Oh honey,” Jon grumbled “I’d love to but it’s just not in the schedule right now... besides I don’t think--”

“OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE, OH PLEASE!” She begged, jumping up and down like she was trying to kill a spider. “PLEASE HAVE MY SISTER ON YOUR SHOW! She’s real nice, and pretty, and smart, and kind, and, and, and I’m sure your audience will love her!”

“You can do it, right big guy!?” Scootaloo joined. “I know nothing will beat Rainbow Dash’s interview when it comes to coolness, but Rarity is an alright mare!”

“Yeah come on Johnny! Rarity’s real nice! She even helped make our capes! If you had her on your show, I’ll bet she’ll make some costumes for you too!” Applebloom added, trying to jump on his lap. “If you do we’ll make you an honorary member of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

“GIRLS PLEASE!” Jon said, loud enough so they could hear him. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, really I do... but the fact of the matter here is...”

Jon paused at the sight that was now before him. Like synchronized swimmers all three fillies lined in in a row and were now looking at Jon with large watery eyes and pouty lips. Jon knew this technique all too well for it was the same method used by his own children from time to time.

“Oh god the puppy eyes,” Jon thought. “Why did it have to be the puppy eyes.”

With almost a decade of living with their father both Maggie and Nathan latched on to the idea very early on that Jon had weakness for adorable children with begging faces... an idea they so thoroughly abused because it was true. Whenever they wanted anything they always went to their father rather than their mother (since Tracey McShane worked with animals she, over time, developed an immunity to puppy eyes from literal puppies).

Jon was determined to fight such steady streams of concentrated cuteness... maybe in another decade when his kids were all grown up would Jon finally learn to resist such things. But today was not that day.

“Look girls I... I mean you three are very... I’m sure Rarity is... look just because I.... I... come on girls give me ah...” Jon stammered, finding it hard to talk when he was looking at three pairs of eyes so big he could almost see his reflection. Scootaloo’s stuffy nose really helped in making her look extra pathetic.

Soon artificial tears began to form and their lips began to quiver, thus sealing the deal. It felt as if Jon's heart was about to break down the middle so without even thinking about it he said the first thing that came to mind that would make them stop.

“Okay fine!” He blurted as he threw his arms in the air before a rain cloud could materialize over their heads. “I’ll have Rarity on my show just please for the love of god stop looking at me like that!”

If Jon could go back in time and give himself some advice (Other than telling himself to get some more sleep the day BEFORE his wedding because, no matter how many ways you explain it, there’s no getting out of yawning during your father-in-law’s toast) it would be to have covered his ears at the exact moment he agreed to have Rarity on his show. The reason being because the cheering and cries of delight were so loud he felt as if he would need a hearing aid afterwards.

“You really mean it!” Sweetie Belle yelled over her still cheering friends. “You’ll really interview Rarity!”

“If it’s alright with her then yes,” Jon explained. “But on one condition!”

“Sure, anything!” Applebloom commented. “If you still want to be a member of our club that’s fine! Since you don’t have a Cutie Mark you technically qualify.”

“No not that, but thanks... remember how I said I wanted to sneak into the Castle?” He asked, getting some nods in return. “No you don’t.”

“Oooooooh sure thing Johnny!” Applebloom blurted. “You were never going to the Castle.”

With a slight raise of his eyebrow Jon gave her a look.

“Oh! I mean uh... what castle?” She added with a wink. Jon gave her an affirming nod which only served to confuse someone else.

“What do you mean ‘what castle?’” Scootaloo interjected. “The one that Jon tried to sneak his way into without the Princess-- OOF!”

Before she could finish both Sweetie Belle and Applebloom elbowed her in the stomach, causing Jon to chuckle to himself.

“Well then,” Jon sighed as the implications of his decision weighed in. “It looks like my plans have changed a bit... I’ll probably have to go home early now to get things set up... so... where is this Rarity anyway.”

Standing up now Jon looked in all direction as if he was trying to find her in all the mess.

“Oh she said she’ll be back soon.” Sweetie Belle answered. “She went to mail a package but she always gets distracted on the way back by potential clients.”

Jon continued to have a look at the store which was still in shambles from the Crusaders’ running about.

“If that’s the case shouldn't you clean this mess up?” He asked. “I can’t imagine your sister would like her shop being such a pigsty.”

“Oh yeah... that would be a good idea.” Applebloom commented as she followed Jon’s vision to across the room. “You wanna help us.”

Rather than saying yes or no Jon looked down at three fillies sporting their best youthful faces of innocents.

“If I say ‘no’ you guys will just do that begging thing again, won’t you?” He asked.

“Probably.” Applebloom responded with a smirk.

“Okay, fine.” Jon sighed as he moved across the room, with the fillies following close behind, to pick up a fallen closeline. “Let’s get started before you roll any more sevens.”

With smiles bolted by rivets of bliss, the three young fillies cheerfully helped Jon pick up the many fabrics littered across the floor. The four of them said nothing, leaving Jon alone with his thoughts actively trying to piece together in his head how things ended up like this. In the end he decided that this wasn’t such a bad twist of fate... he had to admit he was curious about this potential new guest of his. Though he still much rather be at the castle.

But while everyone continued their cleanup detail someone was slowly approaching the outside of the boutique. Someone who by all rights had no idea of what was going on within its walls.

The four of them barely got started when the sound of a door opening caused them to look up from what they were doing. It came from the other side of the building towards the entrance. What really cemented their now captured attention was the voice that followed with it.

“Oh Sweetie Belle,” An almost angelic voice echoed. “I’m back from the...AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH. WHAT IN THE NAME OF CELESTIA IS GOING ON HERE!?”

The voice in question went from heavenly to ghastly in a fraction of a second, almost as if the person had a stunt double for just such an occasion.

“The hell was that?” Jon asked.

“That...” Sweetie Belle gulped. “Would be my sister.”

With Jon and the three fillies clear across the room from where the entrance was they could not see who it was that had entered the facility. Though based on the voice and frantic rate of speech, those who had already met her knew it was Rarity.

Rather than coming out from hiding, the four intruders stayed back and waited as the voice got louder and louder. The three girls coward in front of Jon who stood tall, curious to see this pony who was getting closer.

“What happened to my boutique!? Why is my entire clothing line for the next season out of storage!? Oh for the love of-- this will take me forever to clean up!” The voice shrilled, her tone not angry, but rather a mixture of anxiety and panic. “Oh my goodness, I have a very important client coming over to take a look at my inventory and they’re all over the floor! AH! My favorite sewing machine it’s completely... did somepony wipe their nose on my new silk fabric!?”

All eyes, including Jon’s, went to Scootaloo.

“What!?” She sniffled. “I didn’t do it!”

“Who said that? Is somepony there?” The voice continued, now heading more towards their direction. “Sweetie Belle, I am in no mood for your little games! If I find out that you and your friends did this then I swear by my all that is fabulous I’ll--”

Even though the three fillies were in front of Jon, his towering figure meant that the eyes of the distressed pony went straight to him. Jon now found himself in a uncertain but very familiar situation.

There he stood across the way from a white unicorn with well maintained purple hair, staring at him with gapped mouth, though unlike with Lyra Jon didn’t feel the need to run and hide... unbeknownst to him however, in terms of gusto this new pony was just as eager to meet him. Though in this unexpected turn of events all she could do was stare, unable to move. The way her mouth tried to move made it look like she was talking but no words came out. Seeing that her sister was unable to speak Sweetie Belle decided to step forward with an introduction.

“Uh... Rarity?” Sweetie Belle said. “I would like you to meet my friend... this is Jo--”

“Jon Stewart.” Rarity interrupted. “You’re sixteen Emmy award winning, New York resident, published author, Jon Stewart.” Again there was now only silence.

Since it was clear that no four legged individual present in the room knew where to go from here, Jon took it upon himself to carry things home.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you Ms. Rarity.” He said while walking towards her. “Though I must say, you seem to have me at a disadvantage; you seem to know an awful lot about me but I barely know anything about you.”

For someone like Jon whose status in the world meant he’s attended many social gatherings, he knew when to spot someone of upper class backgrounds. Everything about Rarity screamed a socialite; the way she walked, the way she expressed herself, her mid-atlantic accent, even the dresses she had out in the open looked exactly the same as some of the ensembles he saw back when he took his wife on a dinner date at Canterlot.

There was no mistaking it, this pony was indeed an aristocrat. So in accordance with their social constructs Jon greeted her in a way most revered among their class; as gently as he could Jon lifted Rarity’s hoof and give it a quick peck as a show of respect.

“G....g-g-g-g...GIRLS, WHAT IS THE FAMOUS JON STEWART DOING IN MY HOUSE!?” Rarity roared, as if that innocent kiss was a flame sparking a fuse. Her voice carried so far that some ponies walking outside could hear her.

All three girls looked at each other quickly as if they were telepathically getting their stories straight.

“Oh uh, well,” Applebloom stammered. “You see Johnny here to uh... he’s--”

“He was just looking for somepony to be on his show!” Sweetie Belle interjected. “Uh... right girls?”

“Y-yeah that’s right! He’s definitely not here on some super secret mission to infiltrate the castle or anything like that.” Scootaloo said, punctuated her explanation with a wink to Jon causing him to stealthily use his hand to gesture her to stop talking, but Rarity didn’t notice. All she picked up was the fact that Jon was looking for a guest.

“He... he’s looking for someone to. Be. On. His. Show?” Rarity asked in an eerily placed tone, like someone had taken control of her mind.

“Well yeah,” Sweetie Belle answered. “But don’t worry sis cause he’s already--”

“OH MY GOODNESS IT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING!” Rarity bellowed. Before Sweetie Belle could explain her now overly determined sister grabbed the three shocked fillies and forcibly began to push them towards the door.

“Okay girls playtime is over! I think it’s time you all skedaddled!” She encouraged as she rushed through the piles of clothings rather than walking around it, causing Opal, who was still in the room, to scurry off in protest. “Me and Mr. Stewart need to discuss... uh, grown up things! This is my big chance to go on television I won’t have you all ruin it!”

“But sis you don’t understand!” Sweetie Belle begged. “He’s already--”

“Yes, yes that’s all very lovely but I need to be alone with Mr. Stewart now.” She interrupted. “Why don’t you and your friends go outside and play tag or whatever it is you three do these days.”

“Uh well okay,” Sweetie Belle uttered, as she almost tripped over a display racking getting pushed to the door. “But I really think you shouldlistenwhenIsaythatyou--”

The sound of the door slamming shut ended Sweetie Belle’s frantic attempt of an explanation. Taking a deep breath Rarity turned around and looked as if she was about to say something, but as her mouth opened the door flew open again, followed by Applebloom sticking her head in.

“Bye, bye Johnny!” She waved. “Don’t be a stranger now!” Before Jon could return the gesture Rarity quickly turned around and slammed the door a second time, this time following up by locking it shut.

Jon wasn’t used to seeing such burst of energy coming from such a small person. Looking onwards he saw the once frantic unicorn standing on her hind legs with her front hooves pressed against the door, her back moving up and down, a sure sign that she was taking a moment to steady her breathing.

The room was now quiet with only the sound of wind occasionally slipping under the ajar window to fill the void. Jon was moments away from asking if she was alright but soon a new sound found it’s way into the void... it was the sound of Rarity taking a deep breath before turning around.

“Mr. Stewart, darling so good of you to pay me a visit!” She said, her voice flowing from her lips like honey with her tone just as sweet. “I must say it’s an absolute delight to finally make your acquaintance.”

“Uh... likewise.” Jon said, shocked at how her disposition did a complete 180.

“Though what a dreadful shame it is that you must endure seeing me in my present state!” She continued, as she placed her hoof across her forehead in a pose that suggested that she would faint at any moment. “I mean look at me, my hair is an absolute mess and I haven’t even gotten my hooves filed down today... not to mention my boutique lays in ruins! Oh! You must think I’m absolutely barbaric!”

Jon was tempted to remind her that the last time she met him he was laying face down in a pool of his own blood... a few degrees worse than messy hair but doing so would have made things even more awkward than they already were.

“No, no it’s fine!” Jon assured her. “I’ve seen worse... after all I did grow up in New Jersey.” Immediately Jon regretted using such a foreign joke on a native, luckily for him Rarity was in full suck up mode.

In response to his predictable joke she immediately burst out laughing, almost as if she saw it coming and was waiting for her cue to respond.

“Oh Mr. Stewart you do go on! I can see why they gave such a handsome man such as yourself your own show!” She complimented. “I see even when off camera you’re still as comical as ever! Good heavens, just listen to me me rambling on! Please, please have a seat.”

“No, no that’s alright I’ll stand.” He rebutted, as he looked around at that ever present mess. “Uh listen before we go any further I just want you to know--”

“Would you like something to drink!” Rarity offered as she rushed over to him so quickly, he barely noticed her. “Perhaps a cup of tea with a danish? I just acquired a heavenly new blend of lemon flavored herbal tea and some pastries that are to die for.”

“No that’s alright I’m trying to watch my figure.” He joked as he patted his stomach.

“Oh nonsense Jonathan you-- Can I call you Jonathan?” She asked before immediately continuing. “You simply must eat something, I insist! You’re all skin and bones, darling!

Back home Jon knew a guy who lived on the upper west side. His name was Frank Henderson and he knew him through mutual friends and on occasion would run into him and his wife during some charity meetings or some such events. Jon was reminded of him because Rarity reminded him a lot of Henderson’s wife in that she too spoke similarly in tongue and had an almost identical forceful personality. The only difference here being that Rarity was the same color as a marshmallow whereas Mrs. Henderson was in the shape of one.

“Uh, thanks I suppose.” Jon cleared his throat as he sat back down. The second his butt made contact with his previously used seat Rarity dashed off to a nearby kitchen where the sound of pots and pans being thrown about caught his attention. In response to this he called out to her. “But seriously you don’t need to!”

“Oh pish posh Jonathan, it is only appropriate.” She answered back even louder. “You are my guest and it is my duty-- NAY! My responsponsibility to see you as comfortable as possible.”

“She’s some piece of work.” Jon thought as he rubbed the back of his head before calling back out to her. “Uh, Mis Rarity, this is all very nice, but I think it’d be pertinent of me to explain why I’m here.”

“Oh, I know exactly why you’re here,” She said poking her head from the kitchen, her eyes gleaming

“...You do?” Jon challenged with furrowed brow.

“Oh but of course darling!” She said as she went back to prepare his snack. “I happen to know from dear friends of mine that you sometimes come to our world to looking for potential guests... I’m not sure how many of ponies you’re currently considering, but let me just say your search is over, dear!”

“Uh, Ms. Rarity I don’t think you understand.” Jon called out. “I’ve already--”

“Oh please Johnathan just call me Rarity!” She called back “And don’t worry I understand perfectly. Like I said I know what’s going on... you’re here to evaluate me... to see if I’m important enough for your program!”

Before Jon could correct her she emerged from the kitchen while simultaneously holding a tray of sweets and beverages.

“I can see it now! The illustrious Jonathan Stewart scouting the four corners of Equestria in desperate search for a pony, a pony worthy enough to grace his show for all the world to see!” She said, delivering each line with a dramatic voice. “Well Mr. Stewart look no further... for I, Rarity, am that pony!”

Jon recalled the Cutie Mark on her flank and tried to make the connection between diamonds and overreacting.

“Uh, Rarity?” Jon said.

“Now then darling, let’s get things started shall we,” She said using her magic to levitate a cup of hot tea to his hand. “Now of course you may ask me anything you’d like, but do err on the side of civility, we just met and we wouldn’t want every single last single detail about myself being revealed now would we?.”

“Uh... Rarity?” Jon repeated.

“No, no you’re right it’s your program so it’s your rules!” She now insisted. “Feel free to ask any question your hearts desire! Please I insist, I am your open book!”

“Uh... Alright then,” Jon warned as he examined his cup of tea. “Uh... first question I uh, I guess... how did you make this tea so quickly? You couldn’t’ve been in that pantry for more than a couple of minutes.”

“Oh... that? Why, no mystery there Jonathan,” She answered by tapping her horn. Carefully she tilted her head and used her magic to make his tea bubble with heat friction. “Just some old fashioned Unicorn magic... really comes in handy for us seamstresses. Just one of many reasons why you should let me appear on your program.”

“Ah yes indeed. But you do know this is completely unnecessary, right?” He asked.

“OH! Of course what was I thinking!?” She announced, but not before using her magic to yank Jon’s beverage out of his hand a split second before he was about to take a sip. “You obviously didn’t come here to see some cheap parlor trick. “I’m certain a gentleman of your caliber has already seen his fair share of magic... so allow me to demonstrate what makes Rarity a very important pony.”

Using her magic once again the insistent Unicorn made a nearby measuring tape float in mid air, causing it to twist and turn as if she had given it life. Slowly she walked over to Jon with determined eyes and the measuring tape slithering towards him like a hungry snake.

“Rarity.” Jon murmured with uncertainty. “What are you doing?”

“Do not worry Jonathan, I just merely want to take your measurements.” She explaining, stopping in her tracks and waving him to come to her. “Once I have that I’ll get to work right away with making you a new suit to replace that drab one you’re currently wearing which I can only assume you wore ironically for comedic effect, yes?”

“Oh uh... yeah... yeah sure.” Jon lied, that was his favorite suit. “Listen though, you don’t need to do this I mean... I mean don’t waste your time on me you-- didn’t you say you had a client coming over... wouldn't look good if he saw this mess would it? If you want I can help--”

“What, this?” Rarity asked, motioning to a large pile of clothes, both hung and on the ground. “Oh that’s nothing darling, please ignore it.”

Using her Magic the purple haired unicorn bulldozed a large section of the clothes off to the side into a pile of dresses and work related gear, making a clear path from Jon to a standing mirror. In practice doing more damage and causing more of a mess than Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo combined.

“Now then... do be a dear and come over here.” She continued. Tentatively Jon walked up to the five set mirrors aligned so that whoever looked at it would see him from several different angles. “Now then... hold still.”

Using her magic she made the tape lunge at Jon only to redirect and align itself against his arm, around his waist, and across his chest. While this was happening Rarity took extensive notes, recording corresponding numbers.

“Let’s see... shoulders; check, arms; check, torso; check.” She listed in detail. “Alright we’re just about done, here. Do me a favor Jonathan; bend over.”

“Wait Rarity I don’t think I-- Argh!” Jon yelped. Even though she technically asked, she used her magic to force Jon to lean forward in such a way that it would be easier to measure his legs.

“Ah! I see you fancy the boot cut on your slacks.” Rarity noticed. “Very elegant, if I do say so myself.”

Now finished with her measurements, Rarity released Jon from his magical restraints so suddenly that he almost fell forwards. When he hoisted himself back up, he was greeted with the sound of machines being used, he turned around to notice that his Unicorn friend wasted no time in getting to work on his new suit.

“Do not worry Jonathan, I’ll have your new attire ready in no time!” She assured him as she used both her magic and front hooves to work machine and select fabrics. Jon wasn’t too knowledgeable on how a fashionista works so for their safety he decided to leave her alone less he distract her and cause anyone an unwanted injury.

So for a while Jon just sat on a nearby table and enjoyed his tea while Rarity worked at break neck speed making Jon feel lazy by comparison. After a while Jon felt like even more of a burden, so to feel more useful Jon picked up a nearby clothes rack and wiped any debris off of it. It was only when he did a third time did he see some other pony standing outside of Rarity’s building, peeking through the window and knocking on the door, like a dog wanting to be let back into the house.

He seemed to have been someone of grave importance based on how he looked. He was a slightly balding unicorn with a sweater vest, pencil balanced on his ear, and a similar measuring tape as Rarity’s draped around his neck. He was slightly older and looked like a pony version of Tim Gunn which to Jon meant that he might have the appointment that Rarity was talking about.

“Uh... Rarity?” Jon said as the knocking continued. “I think your appointment is already h--”

“GO AWAY!” Rarity yelled at the pony outside. “I’M BUSY!” And with that the terrified pony scampered off.

“Rarity seriously I don’t want to be a burden here,” Jon said, turning around. “If you have other engagements I can just come back lat--”

“DONE!” She exclaimed.

“E-excuse me?” He said.

“I hereby pronounce your new suit complete!” She went on, using her magic to levitate a jet black suit with light grey stripes going up and down the body and appendages. This was Rarity’s first time making anything for a human which is particularly impressive considering how well it looked. It’s proportions were identical to Jon’s and was complete with a sports jacket, slacks, and even a vest.

Jon was stunned to see that it was done already. He took his eyes off her for what seems like a few seconds and already she was done. Fueled by astonishment Jon walked towards his generous gift and began to run his palm against the fabric... not only was it the best looking suit he’d ever seen it was also the best feeling one as well.

“Incredible.” Jon commented. “I’ve never seen such elegant craftsmanship before... and it took you what? five minutes?”

“Six actually. I was taking my time.” She said. “Now then let’s see how it looks on you!” Her horn began to glow as it slowly worked the buttons on Jon’s jacket, eventually levitating it above his head. At first Jon didn’t know what was going on but now he could see clearly that Rarity aimed to undress him and replace his garbs with the newer one.

“Wha-- hey now, stop that!” He shouted, forgetting about how, in Equestria, there wasn’t really such a thing as being exposed. “I realize you want to see how it fits but come on! This is hardly the place!”

“Oh my word, you’re right!” She agreed, as she used her magic to neatly fold Jon’s new suit in a nearby box. “How foolish of me... if we're going to do this we shall do it right! Come Jonathan let us leave this place!”

“I-- wait what!?” Jon asked as she pushed Jon towards the exit in the same manner that she did with her sister. “Wait! What’s going on here!?”

“Why I’m going to treat you to a night on the town!” She revealed. “Let’s show Ponyville what real socialites can do!”

"Wait Rarity please you don't have to do this on my account!" Jon urged. "I mean that suit just in itself was--"

“Wasn’t enough? Yes I agree.” Rarity interrupted. “But don’t you worry! Because I declare that by the end of this day I’ll have convinced you beyond reasonable doubt that I Rarity should have a slot as a guest on your show... watch your head.” Looking forward Jon saw the door to the outside world, closing in fast. Using her magic Rarity made the front door swing open as Jon ducked to avoid get hit.

When the door itself flew open it made an odd crashing sound like it terminated on something soft. When he turned to investigate what it was it soon found that the fashion pony, that was trying to desperately before to get in, had camped out of the boutique for a chance to speak with Rarity. He had, however, foolishly placed himself on the left side of the door meaning that when the door opened he was on its receiving end.

When Rarity closed the door Jon saw a good look at him; he looked to be in great pain as he slid down onto the floor like a pancake being scooted off a frying pan. Jon didn’t even have time to ask if he was okay since Rarity was already using her magic to push him down the street further and further.

“Wait Rarity I-- you don’t... I mean could you at least tell me where we’re going!?” He begged.

“Why of course darling! Before we head out we need clean ourselves up first.” She explained, as she hurried Jon around a nearby corner. “We’re going to the Spa! My treat! But while we go there allow me to explain to you why you should have me on your show.... ahem, now then...”

“Oh boy.” Jon thought. “What... have I gotten myself into?”

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Waiting room

“How did it come to this?” Jon thought, as he made another look around the room to make sure he was indeed where he actually was. “Just... how.”

Maybe his current whereabouts said more about his future guest than it did about him, but Jon was having a hard time figuring out how his trip to Equestria, which he originally made to see his potentially dying friend in the hospital, could end up with him instead at a local spa waiting for his turn. This was not the waiting room he thought he’d be occupying by this time.

Somehow Rarity had convinced Jon that they were to have a little Spa date as part of a non-existent plea agreement. When they walked up to the counter she got them both penciled in without making an appointment by the patrons who knew her by name. She was determined to convince him to have her on her show; and this was just the beginning.

He and Rarity took to seating towards the back of the room, giving them both a good view of the entire area. Jon took the first seat he saw which was a ugly looking chair with bumpy cushions; who’s only qualifying factor being it was large enough to accommodate Jon’s size. He would have picked a pink fluffy-looking beanbag chair resting in the corner but he knew better than to even try and sit in it; his knees and back would never forgive him.

Rarity didn’t have the same problem as Jon about where to sit, all she had to do was clap her hooves three times and nearby worker rushed over with a series of pillows for her to rest on.

Looking down he laid eyes on the piece of paper which he had nervously been fiddling with for awhile now. On it read the number 82; it was given to him by the desk pony who also gave him a pamphlet on some of the services they provided. Jon took the number while Rarity took the pamphlet to see what specials were going on at the moment.

Jon had unknowingly passed this particular establishment a few times but his eyes always glanced over it. From the outside it didn’t exactly look a place of business let alone a spa. The exterior of the place looked more like someone tried to make a house in the shape of circus tent with a purple funnel shaped roof and white surfaces decorated with gold painted on designs.

The lobby of the spa acted as sort of a waiting room with some tasteful light fixtures hanging from the ceiling and potted plants hugging close to the magenta wall. The room was round and matched the color of a pink and purple spiral rug on the ground. Pictures of celebrities hung on a wall that seemed to have been designated for that purpose alone.

There were three doorways from where Jon stood. One led to a series of interconnecting rooms where ponies either got massages, facials, or their manes tended to while the other across from it led to rooms designated for mud baths and steam rooms. The third and final door was the one and only exit which was far enough from Jon to make it feel like escapse was impossible.

Unknown to Jon at the time, there was an unspoken rule that the waiting room had to be absolutely silent, or at the very least whisper slightly like you're in a library. This rule seemed to be completely lost on Rarity who was spending the majority of her waiting time listing her credentials as she was still determined to seal the deal.

“...Now then, reason number 55 as to why you should have me on your show. I’ll have you know I haven’t been to the dentist in almost a decade.” She explained, blindly unaware that Jon had been zoning in and out whenever he could. “The reason being that the good doctor proclaimed that my teeth were the most perfect specimens she had ever seen! According to her there was no reason for me to even make an appointment... speaking of which did I mention that this place allows me to get serviced without making any consultations. Which brings me to reason number 56 for why I should be allowed on your show... my connections in this town are some of the best...”

And with that Jon was now back to idly retreating back to his own mind, leaving Rarity’s explanation to fade into white noise. No one present seemed bothered by her constant grandstanding, even the two owners of the spa, a pair of twins who occasionally peeked into the waiting room, saw her making a commotion but did nothing. For Jon this just meant that Rarity was right in her saying that she was well known here... a regular Jon had to guess.

Slowly he looked around at some of the other pony patrons present in the waiting room to see if they were annoyed by Rarity ramblings, but their attention was elsewhere. It seemed that for all her loud banter she wasn’t the most notable person in the room.

The guests waiting alongside them were a random assortment of ponies, some male, mostly female, but all either looking at Jon or pretending to do something else but very obviously looking at Jon. As many times as he’s been to Equestria Jon was still not used to ponies gawking at his mere presence but in this case since none of them were climbing over each other to talk to him he could, for the time being, deal with staring eyes.

Coincidentally, though understandable given his only occasional visits, Jon didn’t recognize a single pony in this building, though they varied in shape, color, and race.

One Earthpony was the same shade of dark blue from tail to body to mane. Her color ballet gave the impression that someone dunked her in a vat of blue paint; an apt comparison since her Cutie Mark seemed to be a Inkblot of some kind.

Another pony that caught his attention was a grey Pegasus who was one of the only male ponies present in the room. The reason Jon noticed him was for two reasons, one being his Cutie Mark, which looked to be a film camera and his short messy mane which were the same color scheme as his tail; three even streaks of red, white and blue. It reminded Jon of the American flag.

Though out of all the ponies currently staring at him there was one couple that really stood out to Jon. A pair of “Unicorns” sitting next to him. The thing about them that got Jon’s attention more than anyone else was the fact that, like the owners of the spa, they were both twins.

Both were a light grey with their only distinctive difference being that the one sitting right next to him had orange hair while her sister had blue hair. The orange one had a Cutie mark depicting an orange arrow pointing up whereas her sister had a blue arrow pointing down.

What also set them apart from each other was their facial expressions. The orange sister seemed joyously happy, whether it be because she was about to go get some beautification done or that she was sitting next to Jon. Whatever it was her smile would not go away.

Her sister on the other hand looked to be in a bad mood. Her face looked like she just saw her worst enemy eating the last piece of chocolate that she herself had set aside. Her eyes looked angry and her frown only deepened when Jon looked her way.

The only reason why he was staring at them both was because of their horns. He’d noted that in Equestria some horns looked different in length, and that was usually it. But these sisters both had horns that eventually dipped downward, ending in a tip that wasn’t pointed but a ball of mass like someone had put an ornament on a car antenna and bent it down halfway.

Was it a deformity? A Spell gone wrong? A fashion accessory? Jon had no idea but he would have a chance to ask since the orange haired sister leaned and placed her hoof against the opposite side of her mouth.

“This your first time here?” She whispered. Before answering Jon looked over to his left at Rarity who was still blindly talking about herself to herself; still unaware of Jon’s lack of attention. He rightfully assumed she wouldn’t notice him talking to someone else.

“First time to a pony spa... yes, yes it is.” Jon leaned to his right side to answer. “Is it that obvious?”

“I’m afraid so. You look absolutely lost... plus most ponies who come in here don’t pick that chair to sit in,” the strange unicorn motioned towards his seat. “It’s really uncomfortable.”

“Oh so that’s why everyone's staring at me.” He chuckled, causing his new friend to do the same before extending her hoof for an official introduction.

“Hi, my name is Karma.” She giggled. “Sitting next to me is my sister, Disentia.”

“Hello, Karma.” He said, grabbing her hoof for a firm shake. “My name is--”

“Oh, I know who you are.” She interrupted with a slightly guilted expression for doing so. “Everypony here in Equestria does!”

“Then you’ll understand I don’t usually... well let’s just say this isn’t my scene.” He admitted as he glanced over at the many ponies still glaring at him, in between stifled whispers. “I’m only here because of Franny-Forceful over here.”

Peeking over his shoulder Karma got a look at the purple haired unicorn talking like she was giving a speech.

“Who, Rarity?” She asked.

“Yeah she took me here to convince me to have her on my show.” Jon explained. “I told her that wasn’t necessary but she somehow managed to drag me here... you ponies are surprisingly strong.”

“You're going to have Rarity on your show!?” Karma gasped. Looking back Jon caught a glance at Rarity who was busy talking about something which made no sense to him out of context. Before answering he made a face like he was reconsidering.

“Yeah... at least, I think she’s going to be my next guest.” Jon answered much to Karma’s delight. “I tried to tell her that myself, but like I said, before I could she insisted on treating me to a night of pampering and well... here I am.”

“Oh that’s so good to hear!” She exclaimed, making everyone in the room look at her for a moment. “I hear she’s always wanted to go on TV.”

“Yeah but I can’t help but feel kind of guilty.” Jon fretted as he rubbed the back of his head. “I mean she already got the part; can’t help but feel I’m taking advantage of her by being here or something.”

Before their conversation continued a bell rung from across the room, followed by a pony sticking his head out from the lavender curtains to the rest of the building. He was an Earthpony with broad shoulders and golden brown hair which matched his even lighter brown coat. He was helping that day by calling out names of ponies who were next to be treated off a list his eyes never left.

He'd been doing this all day but this time he called out someone named “Raindrops” which instantly got the attention of a nearby mare. A yellow bodied Pegasus with teal hair then proceeded to get up and walk towards the helper pony that called out the name. Presumably this Raindrops had just finished some kind of grocery shopping since she carried a brown paper bag with a baguette jutting out of it.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I’m sure even if Rarity knew she got the part she’d still treat you to night on the town.” Karma stated. “That’s just the kind of pony she is.”

“I’ll take your word for it but still, she didn’t have to.” Jon decided. “Besides, like I said I’ve never been to a pony spa before... I have no idea what to expect here.”

“Well don’t you worry I’m sure you’ll enjoy yourself here.” She assured him. “This place is the best Spa in all of Equestria!”

“Hmph. This place is highly overrated as well as overpriced.” Karma’s sister, Disentia added.

“Aloe and and Lotus are true professionals!” Karma continued. “They’re really great at what they do!”

“They’re both really annoying and stupid.” Disentia added once more.

“Oooooh I can’t wait to see your interview with Rarity!” Karma beamed as she fidgeted in her heat. “I’m a huge fan yours by the way; I just love your work!”

“Your show sucks!” Disentia barked.

A silence promptly hung over the three parties with both sisters continuing to wear their trademark expressions. A joyous smile and morose frown respectively, like they were legally required to do so.

“I’m... uh... I’m sorry but did I do something to offend you, miss... Disentia was it?” He asked.

“Oh don’t mind her.” Karma interjected after it was clear that her sister would not answer.

“What wrong side of the bed did she crawl out of?” He whispered.

“Don’t worry.” She assured him in an overly loud tone. “She’s always like this.”

“And by ‘like this’ you mean?” He ventured further in a hush voice.

“Like a total bitch.” She said as if reading Jon’s mind.

“O-oh don’t you-- isn’t it that... I mean, your sister is sitting right there.” He whispered and pointed.

“Oooh she knows I’m just kidding!” She said in a tone one would use for addressing a baby or a puppy. For visual emphasis she leaned in to lovely nuzzle her sister’s mane, much to Disentia’s discomfort. “Isn’t that right, sis?”

With scrunched nose the unhappy of the two sisters just looked away and grumbled to herself.

“Hey, Jon?” Karma whispered. “Wanna see something funny?”

As a comedian he was bound by code to see this through. Looking over at the blue haired unicorn Jon leaned in to match her level of whispering.

“What’d’ya got?” He smirked. What followed was the sound of rustling caused by Karma sitting straight up in her seat and clearing her throat like she was ready to unveil something.

“Gee! The weather sure is nice today!” Karma announced.

“It’s really cloudy and cold; we should have stayed in.” Disentia added.

“So how bout them Wonderbolts, eh? I hear they’re going to be flying through ponyville this week!” Karma continued.

“I hate the wonderbolts, they always make too much noise!” Disentia added.

“By the way Jon you look great; have you lost weight?” Karma complemented.

“I think he’s put on a few pounds.” Disentia added.

“Oh golly gee willikers, I sure do love things!” Karma went on.

“I hate things.” Disentia added.

“Left!” Karma said.

“Right!” Disentia added once more.

The more Jon listened the more he theorized that maybe Disentia simply had a thing for disagreeing with her sister Karma; or perhaps it was the other way around. But for whatever reason it seemed that for all intent and purposes the two sisters were complete opposites.

“So let me get this straight... you two... have virtually opposite opinions on everything?” Jon guessed, as a wide eyed Karma swung her head back to look at Jon.

“Not really; there are some stuff we can agree on.... the best way I can describe it is there is so much about life that I love.” She explained. “Even in the darkest of hearts or the most wretched of souls, there is still something good that I believe should be expressed. The world is filled so many wonders and beautiful things that I just can’t help but love it all.”

“And your sister?” Jon asked, causing both to look back at Disentia who was shooting daggers at anyone foolish enough to make eye contact with her.

“Yeah, not so much.” Karma chuckled.

“So you like everything and she hates everything.” Jon hypothesized.

“Again not exactly.” She answered. “There are some things Disentia likes.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Jon challenged.

“Oh it’s true!” She urged. “Watch!”

Jon caught Disentia rolling her eyes as her oranged sister leaned back over to her side once again planting her face against her shoulder.

“Psst, hey pouty face guess what!?” Karma chimed with eyes like a begging hound. For good couple of seconds neither sister said anything till the orange haired better half opened her mouth. “I love you, little sis!”

Rather than the normal quip of negativity Disentia turned to the side with scrunched nose in protest. Much to Jon’s curiosity she then began to mumble something in a low and hate-filled tone, to the point where it sounded like she was growling like a wild animal.

After her gnarling came to an end Karma left her now blushing sister alone to herself as she went back to address Jon who had already leaned in to speak.

“What did she say?” He asked.

“She said ‘Grumbublegrrarack’” Karma playfully mimicked in a tomboyish tone to try her best to sound as much as her sister as possible. ‘

As funny as it was Jon was still spellbound by general curiosity as to what she said, but before he could request a more direct translation she spoke again.

“Nah, just kidding! She actually said, ‘I love you too sis!” Karma revealed trying again her best to sound like Disentia. Despite his best efforts to not sound like his own audience Jon couldn't help but vocalize how cute he thought all this was.

“Awwwwww, that’s adorable.” Jon commented, making Disentia blue and red.

“Yep that’s my sister!” Karma added as she gave her pouting sister a hug that she seemed to want no part of.

While Disentia tried her best to break free from Karma’s loving grip the same brown helper pony working his rounds stuck his head from behind the curtain with a clipboard. He scanned the room while occasionally looking at his list. The moment he laid eyes on Jon he froze, something Jon was completely used to seeing. This was the first time that he noticed there was a human present. The sturdy Earthpony’s attention was seized once again by the two sisters rough housing next to him which caused him to look back down his his clipboard.

“Uh... Number 80... Is Ms... Karma and Disentia still here?” He announced while looking directly at the two sister’s direction. “Number 80’s Karma and Disentia we’re ready for you.”

“Hey that’s me! Come on sis, let’s go get our hooves done!” Karma announced before jumping off her seat and accidentally bringing her sister crashing along with her. “See’ya Jon! It was nice meeting you!”

“Likewise carrot top.” Jon waved as the two sisters disappeared behind the purple curtain; with a sigh Jon leaned back in his seat. With his talking buddy now gone Jon found the room eerily quiet again, even with the continuous blabbering of Rarity listing her credentials, and was probably already in the triple digits.

“Hey Rarity?” Jon asked, “How you holdin’ up?”

“.... And then there was the time I, and I alone, was tasked with designing the new outfits for the local Ponyville Hospital! They just wanted plain green scrubs but I made sure to add a little pizazz to the their uniforms!” Rarity blindly bragged. “Needless to say the doctors and nurses over and Sacred Hoof Hospital have never looked more fabulous. Also did I mention that I was voted most popular mare at Saddleworth’s school of culture and design? Quite flattering when you consider I didn’t even attend that college... which brings me to my next point...”

“Yeah you’re fine.” Jon commented as he leaned back in his seat.

Jon twiddled with his fingers while contemplating how much longer it would take for his and Rarity’s name to be called so they could attend the appointment that he didn’t even want in the first place.

At this point anything would be better than the nightmare he was currently having to endure; it wasn’t Rarity’s constant talking that that was taking a toll on him. At this point, unless he was actively trying to listen, everything that passed Rarity’s lips just faded into the background. Not really a good sign for someone he was scheduled to interview.

No, the thing that was driving Jon crazy was having to sit here in this waiting room... he hated the anxiety that came with waiting for your name to be called, which he ironically made his guest do every single episode of his show. He just wanted something to happen; anything really.

As if the pony gods themselves answered Jon’s prayers something did occur. Once again the same brown shaded Earthpony poked his head from behind the curtain to the rest of the establishment. This caught Jon attention much in the same way his presence caught everyone elses. Was it finally his turn? Or someone elses?

This time the large pony didn’t even look at his clipboard or have to scan the area, his gaze just immediately went to the corner of the room at seemingly nothing.

“Number 81. Fluffle Puff, we’re ready for your hair appointment now.” He said. For a second nothing happened and no one moved leaving Jon wondering just who we was addressing. The answer came in the form of something moving in the corner of Jon’s eyes. When he looked over he saw some rustling come from the pink beanbag chair he had originally decided not to sit in when he first walked in. It was only when said chair grew a pair of legs; Jon realize it wasn’t a chair at all.

“What the hell!” Jon thought as he clenched his heart in surprise. The giant ball of fuzz stood up on all fours and a head rustled it’s way out of a forest of equal fuzz.

Based on it’s hooves and the face it was definitely a pony, a pony that by all rights looked like it was made from cotton candy. Without wasting any time it scurried across the room to the colt that summoned her. Before it would exit the room it quickly turned to look at Jon, whereupon it stuck out it’s tongue to blow him a raspberry, curled it’s feet back up, and rolled away out of sight.

“This place if fucking weird!” Jon thought, his heart still racing with the scenario of himself sitting on that pony now fresh in his mind. Just then, as if life wanted scare him even further, Jon began to feel something vibrating in his breast pocket followed by the sound of chirpy music. The tone was low enough that it didn't bother anyone but loud enough that it surprised him, causing him to thrust his head back and against the wall.

With an aching head he quickly grabbed his phone answer it as quickly as possible so as to not disturb the other ponies. He sighed a most long a depressed sigh of regret. It was work. With a swipe of his finger he picked up on the third ring.

"What is it?” Jon asked in a harsh tone.

“Jon, it’s me,” Selina said. “Where are you? Morning rehearsals have already started.” The last thing on Jon’s mind, and indeed the last thing he wanted to be on his mind was work but even now he couldn't help but feel guilty for not calling in sick.

“Oh right,” he blurted. “Sorry but... an emergency came up so I’ll... look, just tell them to go on without me I’ll try to come in as soon as possible.”

“... Alright,” she said. “Will this take long or should I have a back up episode on standby?”

Before answering Jon looked at his clock, a somewhat redundant thing to do since he wasn’t sure what time it was here in Equestria.

“Pssssh um... yeah I should be back in time but keep one handy just in case,” he said.

“Are you alright... you sound... perturbed,” she commented.

“I’m fine, I’m just... I’m sorta on my way to a hospital... the pony one, I’m trying to see if I can get an update on Trixie,” he explained, causing Selina to pause for a second. She, like everyone back home had no idea where he had went and now she was even more worried.

“O-oh... I see,” she stuttered. “You okay?”

“I already said I’m fine,” Jon snapped. “Now unless there’s anything else I really should--”

“Actually... there is one more thing,” Selina interjected.

“... And that would be?” Jon sighed.

“It's about tomorrow’s show... I don’t know if you recall but two weeks ago you made that announcement,” she reminded him. “That you’d be interviewing a pony guest for another segment of ‘Equestrian Interviews.’”

While Jon could wish for the luxury of being ignorant here he knew all too well what his assistant was referring to. Last week he promised the world that he would interview a pony on Thursday to end on a high note before his week long break.

“Oh... right,” Jon squirmed.

“So... who’s it going to be?” she asked.

“Uuuuuh... I don’t know,” he answered in frustration.

“J-Jon I... I need to know,” Selina urged. “The interview is tomorrow and we already made a promise to--”

“I said I don’t know!” Jon barked, silencing his assistant and in the process making him feel guilty for doing so. “I’m sorry I’m just... okay look, just put up a poll on our website.”

“... A poll?” she echoed.

“Yeah, put up a poll asking the fans who they want to see the most,” Jon explained. “Let them do the footwork. Whoever they pick I’ll get to come on. Okay? Good, I need to go.”

“W-wait a minute!” Selina argued. “How are they going to--”

“Sorry Selina can’t hear you I’m going through a pony tunnel!” Jon rushed before hanging up. With a sigh he turned off his device and threw it back into his pocket. Again there was only silence, leaving Jon to concentrate on more pressing issues. He was so distracted by this sudden turn of events that he barely noticed that a new pony had taken the seat that Karma once occupied. Looked was all to eager to see his new pony neighbor as he was desperate for a distraction.

This newcomer was a red Earthpony with dark brown mane and tail. Oddly enough even though Jon noticed her she didn’t seem to have noticed him. When she sat down her attention wasn’t on anything in particular, she was just gently rocked back and forth while humming to herself; like she was in her own little world.

“Huh,” Jon thought. “Who do we have here?” Again this was a pony Jon had never seen before, but if today was any indicator she would at any moment recognize Jon. One thing about this pony that caught Jon’s attention, aside from her blank faced staring into space was her Cutie Mark.

Ever since his first arrival to this new world Jon like to play a little game where he would try and guess the occupation of any given pony by only looking at their Cutie Mark alone. Sometimes it was easy; like a camera meant they were a photographer or a rolling pin meant they were a baker... or angry housewife. Others were more obscure and harder to identify like a scroll with a heart over it or table being flipped over.

But when it came to the cutie mark of this red mare it went towards the obscure end of the spectrum and kept going.. A black bar; the Cutie Mark of the pony sitting next to Jon was a black bar.

“The hell is that supposed to mean?” Jon thought. “Does she censor things or something?”

Ever since the initial shock of having a beanbag chair walk away Jon was still trying to catch his breath, a good sign that maybe he needed to take better care of himself, as his wife always told him. What this also meant however was that his constant gasping for breathe finally caught the attention of the carefree pony.

Looking over to her side Jon’s new neighbor finally noticed that she was sitting next to someone rather than somepony. Her eyes widened and she dropped the pamphlet that she had been given when she first walked in. Jon was a little disheartened to know that when this mare saw Jon she just looked surprised but when he saw a strange pony he nearly had a heart attack.

This new pony had her mouth hung open like she was about to speak but in actuality it was simply because she was surprised. To help speed things up Jon smiled and offered her his hand.

“Hi” He said. “How are you?” Without speaking the pony grabbed his hand and gave a tentative shake. A moment passed and a smile found its way to her face as she worked up the nerve to speak.

“Hey!” She said. “Aren’t you--”

“Yes, yes I am.” Jon interjected.

“O-oh wow!” She exclaimed. “What--”

“Am I doing here” Jon once again interrupted. “Basically it’s for the show; long story.”

The red Earthpony was caught slightly off guard, mostly by the fact that the famous Jon Stewart was sitting right next to her and because his work for some reason required him to be at the same spa she frequented sometimes.

Despite his best efforts not to Jon was still intermittently staring at her Cutie Mark. When she followed Jon’s gaze downwards she herself discovered something as well.

“Huh. This your first time here at the spa?” She asked.

“Is it the chair?” Jon asked.

“Yeah, it’s the chair.” She responded with a subtle grin. Both shared a quick chuckle as Jon once again glanced at her Cutie Mark. Starting this long at another person's backside still hadn’t lost it’s sense of awkwardness, but Jon was determined to find out what it was. At this point it had gotten into Jon’s head that it was rude to ask about one’s own Cutie Mark so he decided to try a different route.

“So,” Jon said. “What’s your name?” Another thing Jon picked up on from his occasional visits to Equestria was that a pony’s name could be a pretty good indicator of their profession; almost as much as their Cutie Mark itself.

“Oh right how rude of me!” She stated as she rubbed the back of her head with embarrassment. “Everypony calls me Pun!”

“Pun?” He asked.

“Yessiree!” She acknowledged with pride. “It’s a real pleasure to meet you!”

“Uh, likewise.” He retorted, unsatisfied with her answer since he was no closer to understanding her profession than before. “So uh... If I may be so bold?”

“Oh by all means!” She responded.

“What kind of a name is ‘Pun’?” He asked. Even though Jon warned her she still looked slightly surprised that he would ask such a question. But for all the lack of subtlety on his part she didn’t look offended.

“I sometimes get this... I’ll tell you but I warn you, the answer isn’t going to be spectacular or anything like that.” She advised.

“Let me be the judge of that.” Jon offered.

“Okay... my name is Pun because... I like puns.” She revealed, leaving Jon only slightly less confused. In the end her warning was right.

“T-that’s it?” He asked.

“Yeah! I know it’s not much but I find them funny.” She explained. “You know like the ones you have on your show.”

“Oh ho, ho so you’re a fan, huh?” Jon asked.

“Well of course I am!” She said, sounding astonished that Jon would again even ask such a question. “I’ve been following your show for years! Do you want to know what my favorite parts are?”

“Uuuuh,” he moaned, “Is it the pu--”.

“It’s the puns!” She announced, surprising no one who could hear their conversation. “But hey now that I got you here do you mind if I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.” He said.

“Okay, you’re here because your show, right?” Pun asked.

“Yes, yes I am.” Jon answered.

“Okay, okay... in that case why are you here in Aloe and Lotus’ spa, of all places?” She asked. “And why is Rarity talking to herself?”

These were good questions, questions that Jon himself had occasionally thought of himself.

“In that order: I’m here because... well to be honest I’m not even entirely sure myself.” He answered, causing Pun to raise her eyebrow in bewilderment. “You see I originally came here to... I came here to uh, get Rarity on my show but before I could even explain things to her she forced me to come here... against my will I might add.”

“Oh wow she forcing you to enjoy an all expense paid trip to the spa? How horrible!” She quipped in a sarcastic tone. “You know I bet....”

Before she could finish her latest thought Pun silenced herself as a look of epiphany slowly found its way onto her face. If this were a cartoon this would be the part where a light bulb would materialize over her head.

“Saaaay... you’re Jewish right?” Pun asked.

“...Yeees.” Jon hesitantly answered, since this line of questioning, historically speaking, usually didn’t lead to something good.

“You know what Jon now that I think about it I agree with you. It is rather bothersome that Rarity forced you to come here.” Pun admitted. “Why one could almost say that what she did was a real Hoot-spa!”

From there the room was now left silent with only the sound of Rarity’s continued talking and the sound of nearby eavesdropper slapping their hoofs against their face filling the void. As someone who worked the entertainment scenes for as long as Jon he knew that the unwritten rule of comedy was that puns were some of the lowest forms of comedy, next only to prop acts.

For Jon however they were his bread and butter. For the first time that day Rarity wasn’t the loudest thing in the room, not with Jon having to catch himself from falling down as he nearly laughed himself over the side of his seat.

“Oh that’s... oh that’s great!” Jon complemented in between fits of incoming giggles. “Oh god please tell me you have more!”

“Uh I might.” Pun tried to assure Jon who had now fully put her on the spot. “Let’s see... um you never did answer my second question.”

“Your what... OH! Oh that’s right!” He said, now remembering what she was referring to. “Okay... the reason Rarity is talking to herself is... the best answer I can come with, only having known her for about an hour is that she’s fucking crazy.”

Normally Pun would have scolded Jon for using such harsh language when regarding a friend, but once again she saw another opening and her instincts were too great.

“I can see what you mean.” She acknowledged. “Maybe we should put her in an asylum... I hear that’s where most mane-iacs go.”

Again she effortlessly knocked out a cheap joke and again Jon met it head on by laughing hysterically. Were it not for Jon’s towering presence a nearby pony or two would have approached him and begged him to stop encouraging her.

“Oh please tell me more!” Jon begged while other silent begged for her not to. “I’m taking mental notes.”

“Okay, okay!” Pun said, now getting more into the swing of things. “Uuuuh, OH! Ok I got it... Did you hear about the time Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash went camping? I hear it was really in-tents!”

The same look of joyous expectation creeped it’s way onto Pun’s face moments after delivering the punchline, and never wavered as Jon still bellowed with laughter at the joke that everyone else was groaning over. In an un-ironic gesture he leaned back to slap his knee and wipe a tear away from his eye.

“Oh man... thats... how do you come up with these things!” Jon chuckled.

“It just comes to me!” Pun explained. “Also I practice everyday because as I always say... ‘seven days without a pun makes one weak.’”

This time it took a good few seconds for joke to make sense to Jon but once it did he promptly leaned forward while simultaneously grabbing Pun’s shoulder for balance. As if the punchline was an actual punch to the stomach he was unable to speak or make any vocalized noises; he could only struggle to breathe from the immense humour relevant only to himself.

“Oh... oh man, f-f-forget Rarity!” Jon blurted, having now caught his breath. “I should just have you on my show!” The thought alone made a few nearby ponies cringe.

“Oh I couldn't do that. This is her big day, not mine.” She pointed out, lowering the tension in the room. “Besides having Rarity on your show is a great opportunity not just for her but for you as well. Until recently I actually used to live in a place not too far away from Carousel Boutique, we didn’t really talk much but she was always very nice and generous towards me. Best neighbor I ever had.”

“HA! Another good one!” Jon laughed. “Betcha thought I wouldn't notice huh?”

“S’cuse me?” Pun asked.

“Common you know? Best Neigh-bor.” Jon snickered to himself.

“Oh... OH!” Pun exclaimed, now fully understanding that Jon meant. “No, no, no I actually just meant she’s a good pony, that’s it... I would never make that joke... too easy.”

“Oh” He said, now feeling embarrassed.

“On the other hoof.” She continued, immediately grabbing Jon’s attention. “Ever since I moved I haven't really gotten to know any of the nearby residents... why one could almost say that finding a good neighbor is a... rarity!”

This time the room filled with the sound of both parties sharing a hearty laugh together, breaking several undocumented rules in the process. In fact, they were so busy enjoying themselves they didn’t even notice the same helper pony from before emerging from behind the curtain at almost the exact same time Jon and Pun engaged in a high-five.

“Ahem; number 82” The brown colt said. “Now calling Mr. Stewart and Ms. Rarity.” For the first time since entering the entire room went silent, followed, once again, by the most talkative pony Jon had ever met raising her voice.

“Oh that’s us!” Rarity exclaimed. Jumping from her seat she used her magic to yank Jon from his chair and across the room with her, his feet dragging since his brain hadn’t yet registered that he was in motion. “Come along Jonathan, we mustn't keep Aloe and Lotus waiting.”

“O-o-oh yeah, uh s-sure.” Jon stumbled both with keeping his balance and adjusting his mind to what was going on. Jon was almost to the curtain when he realized he had left his new friend without a proper goodbye. “Uh, bye Pun, I have to go to work now... It was nice meeting you!”

“You too!” She called back. “Good luck in there.”

As Jon waved to his friend he was inches away from the curtain that led to the back of the buildings. It was only when he looked back at Pun did something he had previously forgotten about crept to the foreground of his subconscious.

“Oh wait that’s right!” He yelled, as he arched his neck to address his almost out of sight friend. “Pun! I forgot to ask about your--”

But it was too late. Before Jon could finish his inquiry he had already vanished behind the thick spread of curtains and into a new world of hygienic fixtures and odd shaped chairs.

“Well, here we are, darling!” Rarity announced. “Welcome to... Oh dear, Mr. Stewart are you alright?” For the first time in quite awhile she was now looking at Jon directly at his face, it was only when she did this that she noticed he looked to be in a state of dismay.

“Um... wha-- yeah I’m alright.” Jon forced himself to admit as he rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s just that... it’s just I never got to ask what her Cutie Mark meant.”

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Jon's spa adventure

Despite Jon Stewart’s long standing career in the field of television he himself was no stranger to a movie set. From going to see colleagues to actually having the opportunity to be in a movie himself Jon was familiar with the sensation of seeing set piece after set piece densely packed in some studio. One moment one might be in a setting like a courthouse or office and take two steps to the left and find themselves in a new section set modeled after a prison or graveyard. It was an odd feeling that was hard to find anywhere else... that is until today.

For on this day it was this same sensation that followed him even here as he entered the main room of Ponyville’s premium spa. Walking from the waiting room to this new area carried all the graceful transition of being on the set of a film. The waiting room looked nothing like the the rest of the building which was fitted with all types of machines and beds, making the scenario closely resemble more a hospital than a spa.

The only similarity this new area had from where Jon had only moment ago left was a matching color scheme and the same, albeit now slightly different, smooth classical music playing throughout the area. Despite the machines being present the look and feel still felt inviting.

As well as being familiar with what a movie set looks like Jon was also familiar with how a Spa should appear. There were beds designed for laying on your stomach, chairs shaped in a way to arch your back so someone could work on your face, machines that carried a variety of tools designed for working on manicures, and of course the all important wide range of facial masks designed for any number of skin related treatments.

“Huh.” Jon thought. “This place doesn't look half bad.”

After Rarity’s brief introduction the two of them were approached by a pair of Earthponies wearing matching white headbands and chokers. These two, by all rights, looked to be twins based on many striking similarities between them. Jon learned long ago that in this world, for whatever reason, evolution had dictated that all ponies of the same gender would have roughly the same body type, so saying two ponies were twins needed to carry more weight.

Luckily enough for Jon even he could tell the that two ponies now in front of him were twin sisters, based on the fact that not only did they look alike but they had the same: hairstyle, color scheme of blue and pink (Granted it was reversed; with one sister having blue hair a pink coat and the other the opposite) and if that wasn’t enough they even shared the same Cutie Mark; a lotus flower.

As if they wanted to drive the twin factor to it’s stretching point the two of them even had the same voice when they spoke.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet your acquaintance, Mr. Stewart.” The pink haired one known as Lotus said. “It is always an honor to...”

“... Meet an individual as world renowned as yourself.” Aloe added. “And of course, any friend of madame Rarity is welcomed here.”

The two spoke in perfect harmony with each other like they had been practicing all day. That combined with their strong European accent, which Jon couldn't pin point for the life of him, made their words flow like water.

“Well... thanks for having us on such short notice.” Jon said, shaking each of their hooves. “It’s a pleasure to meet you as well Ms. Lotus and Aloe.”

“Ahem, Jonathan.” Rarity whispered as she lightly tapped his hip for attention. “Other way around.” Looking back at the twin sisters Jon realized that he had accidently addressed each pony by the other sister’s name.

“Oops... sorry!” Jon fretted, hoping to try and salvage this first impression.

“Do not worry Mr. Stewart!” Aloe said. “We only wish for you to be...”

“...as comfortable as possible.” Lotus chimed in. “After all this is a spa, is it not?”

“Heh, good point.” Jon admitted.

Suddenly Jon felt a little more at home in this spa designed for ponies. His initial reservation about joining Rarity for a day of pampering, aside from feeling like it was unrequited, was that he would feel out of place since he was of a different species. But as unorthodox as it was for him to be here, the comforting hospitality of the two hosts made him feel less awkward about the whole situation. That is until...

“Not then, before we began there are some preparations that need to be taken care of.” Aloe motioned for for Rarity to place her bag onto the floor. “Madam if you would please give me your belongings; I will be holding onto if for you. And...”

“... As for our esteemed guest, Mr. Stewart, if you would please remove your clothing we will begin immediately.” Lotus added.

And just like that Jon was once again in the mind set that coming here was a bad idea.

“W-wait what!” Jon lifted his hand in protest as he briefly looked at his old suit. “You want me to take all my clothes off!?”

“Yes, indeed.” Lotus admitted while making a hoof gesture to indicate that it was no big deal. “We require you not wear anything while we...”

“... attend to your cosmetic needs.” Aloe finished. “After all, it would be quite difficult to apply some of our techniques while you're wearing that suit, no?”

As much as what they were saying was indeed true, Jon just couldn’t bring himself to see things their way. Another thing Jon learned about Equestria very early on was that humans and ponies had very different stances of the subject of nudity with virtually every creature he ever saw walking around without anything to cover up the more indecent regions. For the most part it didn't seem like such a thing mattered to them, but as a human Jon’s sense of modesty was not so easily interpretable.

“I’m sorry, but no! This is where I draw the line.” Jon said, much to the twin’s surprise. “I know you folks do things differently here, but I am not walking around naked like a... well like a pony.”

In response to this the two sisters chuckled among themselves which only made Jon feel more insecure about their request.

“Oh, Mr. Stewart there is no cause for embarrassment of something so natural.” Lotus advised, her grasp of the situation less than amicable than Jon expected. “But you are our guest so...

“... if you feel so strongly about our procedures then we can accommodate you with some form of covering.” Aloe assured him.

“Reeeaaaallly.” Jon said sounding as skeptical as possible. “You're going to give me something to cover myself with?”

“Of course.” Aloe nodded. “We can provide you with a bathrobe or at the very least...”

“... A towel to cover your... Oh.” Lotus said now having realized what Jon was hinting at.

For someone of Jon’s size and bone structure there was no way the spa sisters had a bathrobe big enough, or the right shape for which to properly fit him with. Even their largest towel, which was big enough for a pony to use as a blanket wouldn’t even be enough to go around his waist. The twins were now in a situation where they had no idea how to proceed, which wasn’t something they were used to. Fortunately they were saved by their most loyalist of customer.

“Do not fret my dear Aloe and Lotus,” Rarity interjected as she rummaged through her designer bag. “For I have taken it upon myself to prepare for such an event.... may I present to you all a Rarity original!”

Using her magic she produced a large bathrobe from her pouch complete with a hood and the initials “JSL” over the heart. The way she held it with her magic the arms and hood were spread as if some unseen force was occupying it. From where everyone stood it was exactly Jon’s size right down to the shoulders and even a little extra room around the stomach region.

Amazed by this unveiling Jon ran his hand across the surface to feel the fabric which, like the new suit he hadn’t yet worn, was top of the line.

“How... when did you have time to make this?” Jon asked.

“Why, when I was making your suit of course.” Rarity answered. “I had some extra material laying around so I thought I’d whip up a little something extra for you since I already had your measurements.”

Ignoring for the moment that it seemed she had the idea of dragging him to the Spa all along Jon had just one grievance about the wardrobe he felt needed to be addressed.

“Just one question, Rarity.” He said.

“Yes, darling?” She asked.

“Why... is it pink.” He asked in a tone of voice that only dogs could hear.

“Oh well it’s quite simple really.” She said as she used her magic to make the bathrobe hug up against him for a better comparison. “Pink is SO your color!”

Jon could already hear the laughter from his friends and family, if he were to ever wear this thing outside of Equestria. Jon was no expert on fashion but he knew that no self respecting male would be caught dead wearing this thing; needless to say he disagreed with Rarity’s choice of color, but it would seem he was outnumbered.

“Oh, Madam Rarity it is simply magnificent!” Aloe complemented. “The texture, the craftsmareship...

“... the attention to detail and of course the correct use of color.” Lotus added. “It is without a doubt the most beautiful thing we have ever seen.”

“Oh you're just saying that!” Rarity proclaimed.

“Oh no, no, no, we only speak the truth!” Lotus assured her.

“Indeed we do!” Aloe added. “Madam Rarity truly, without a doubt, the most talented seamstress in all the land!”

“Why thank you girls!” Rarity blushed. “I do have a keen eyes for such things I suppose.”

As the three ponies compliments soon transitioned to idle giggles among themselves Jon held the bathrobe over his shoulder and watched as he was slowly starting to understand his future guest a little bit more.

“Yeesh, I can see why she likes this place so much.” He thought as Rarity soon turned her attention back onto him.

“Now than Jonathan, do be a dear and go change.” She said. “We mustn’t keep our dear friends Aloe and Lotus waiting any longer than they need to.”

To show their understanding both sister’s bowed their heads and motioned for Jon to a pair of standing curtains for which he could change behind.

“Alright, alright I’m going.” He said as he rounded the designated changing area.. “But I’m keeping my boxers on... lord knows I might need to leave something to the imagination.”

Jon was unaware of just how right he was in this assumption; he just didn’t know that for all the talk of relaxation and gentle pampering he would be experiencing very little of either. Needless to say things were only going to get worse from here.

Jon’s forced spa adventure was met head on with a less than inviting outcome, which would actually turn out to be a running theme for the day. Things kicked off to a rocky start when he was forced to discard his current attire in favor of a frilly pink bathrobe which, to Rarity’s credit, did the job of covering his entire body quite well.

It’s only saving grace beside giving Jon a sense of privacy was that, like the suit given to him, this bathrobe was fitted perfectly to his body type. With Jon ready to go, both he and Rarity were promptly escorted to the other end of the room where the first of their many treatments were to take place.

Since Jon had children, whose ages weren’t even in the double digits yet, he would on occasion take them to the pediatrician. Jon was reminded of just this because his surroundings certainly gave him the feeling that he was in a hospital meant for kids.

Much like everything else in Equestria, at least as far as Jon could tell, this spa was astonishingly vibrant with liberal uses of colors like purple, blue, and green. Accompanying these colors were decorate shapes on virtually every surface. In Equestria it wasn't enough to have a window, it needed to be a heart shaped window. And the walls weren't just a blank surface it needed to have stars and raindrop shapes all over it.

While at the same time various machines were stationed beside beds and were slung over like they were fishing rods but they too matched the decor by being color shades of purple rather than cold metal grey like one would expect.

Not only that, but the use of slightly oblong shapes where a more symmetrical design would just as easily work was implemented almost everywhere. Rather than having a support beam be an even straight column it would have a much wider base that curved inward like an upside down tornado. This design also applied to other fixtures like archways or chairs. Leaving Jon steadfast in his idea of never bringing his kids here; they'd never want to leave.

Some ponies laid in beds and were either having some staff worker smear an unknown substance on their face or were having their hooves detailed. Other such beautifications that Jon witnessed as he walked further into a corner were ponies being massaged or having a bright light shined on their face from one of the many daunting machines.

All of this was fairly new to Jon. Sure in his life he’d have someone apply makeup on him or fix his hair, usually at the hand of cosmetology students he’d have employed for his show, but none of it was quite on the level of what he he was currently witnessing. Though he would have a first hand experience of it all in just a few moments.

Stopping now in front of a stretch of wall that had a row of familiar machines attached to it both Jon and Rarity were now being addressed by the spa sisters as to what was going to happen.

“Allow us to to present to you the Mane-Manger 2000!” Lotus said, as she swept her arms to show off the row of machines which Jon recognized as salon style hair dryers. “This marvelous machine...”

“... Will dry and detail your hair in the style you most desire!” Aloe finished. “But before we are to do that, allow us to first to wash your manes.”

Jon didn’t even have time to raise his hand in objection before promptly being yanked to the side by the scruff of his robe. Both he and Rarity were split apart with Aloe helping Rarity into a nearby seat that, when tilted all the way back, dropped the customer's head into a designated sink for washing one’s hair.

It was then expected of Jon to follow along but unfortunately for him there was no station large enough to accommodate him. Were he in a situation that allowed it he would have suggested giving up this endeavor but his handler, Lotus, was determined to make this work.

“Now then Mr. Stewart if you would please, um... take a seat, we will get things started?” She said.

Again Jon had flashbacks of bringing his kids to the doctor, only this time because he was now sitting in a chair a few sizes too small, like he would often do in the waiting room of pediatrics to make Maggie and Nathan laugh.

The way Jon had to position himself in the chair for his head to properly fit in the sink meant that his legs were sprawled out and over the chair and into the walkways. Even though he was only slightly overweight he had to force himself to fit in the seat and the chair’s armrests were jabbing into his back.

By this time Rarity was already halfway through her shampooing, something which she was all too eager to voice.

“Oh that scent is simply heavenly!” She said from just a few seats over. “Aloe dear do make sure to use that new conditioner as well. I say, Jonathan... Jonathan how are you doing over there, darling?”

“I’ve been better.” He answered as he slowly leaned back into the sink, only to discover that his head didn’t fit. “... much better. I-I’ll be honest Rarity I don’t think this spa stuff is for me.”

“Oh nonsense, everypony deserves a little pampering now and again.” She advised. “Things will get better, I promise you.”

Not only was that not true for Jon, but his being there wasn’t ideal for the staff working that day either. Since Jon’s was half in and half out of the chair every so often a passing patron or worker would trip over his legs which meant that he had to curl them up in an awkward stance. That and since his head was too large for the sink, when Lotus washed his greying hair, water would spill all over the side, causing both a mess and a slipping hazard for all involved.

But at least the shampoo smelled nice; when it didn’t go in his eyes from his constant struggling.

The second half of the their hair restoration began when both parties were promptly escorted to the mounted hair dryers attached to ergonomic seats. But again none were large enough for Jon so when he sat down he felt as the blood circulation was being cut off from his butt. This time however Jon was spared the lower back pain associated with having to bend over backwards and instead was rewarded with having the bonnet of the hair dryer slowly descend over his head.

Luckily enough for him the headgear was large to accommodate ponies wearing roller in their mane so it just barely fit around his head. Normally around this point he would’ve made a Vader joke, but he knew the reference would be lost here.

Sitting next to him was Rarity who was still being helped by the other of the two sisters; it seemed like they were getting treated by the owners for the duration of their stay. A nice gesture, but at the same time it had Jon wondering if it was because of him or Rarity. Also, since she was a regular, her handler Aloe didn’t waste any time starting the machine, but in the case of Jon Lotus felt some context needed to be provided.

“Allow me to explain the process of this wondrous device. This machine uses a moisture system with tourmaline and ionic nano technologies to leave you with healthy, beautiful, and shiny hair.” She explained, like she was the host of the home shopping network.

“Is that right?” Jon said as he strained his neck to get a look at the all black device that was almost as big as him.. “So when does Goldfinger strap me down for the interrogation?”

With a nervous laugh Lotus ignored Jon’s reference, which she didn’t get, and concentrated on continuing her explanation.

“Now then this won’t hurt a bit; you’ll spend the next twenty or so minutes underneath the bonnet while the machine does all the work.” She continued, while making some adjustments. “Oh! I almost forgot! This model comes with a new setting where you can have silent mode.”

“Silent mode?” Jon asked. “You mean... like a phone?”

“Allow me to explain; you see sometimes ponies want to talk to one another during the session while others want to be left alone.” She explained. “Normally these things make an unruly amount of noise, but you’ll still be able to hear what’s going on everywhere else... but in silent mode the machine uses a distortion system that makes it so the customer won’t hear anything at all. Now then... which would you like?”

Before he got the chance to answer Jon was started to hear Rarity shouting just a few inches away. She wasn’t in pain or any other form of discomfort she just merely wanted to get his attention.

“OH AND BY THE WAY JONATHAN! WHILE I HAVE YOU HERE I’M GOING TO CONTINUE LISTING MY CREDENTIALS!” Rarity yelled over the roar of the hair dryer which was already being used on her. “ I KNOW IT’S BIT TABOO TO TALK BUSINESS GIVEN OUR LOCATION BUT I FEEL THERE SO MUCH MORE OF ME YOU DON’T YET KNOW! HAVING SAID THAT; REASON NUMBER ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY FOUR AS TO WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE ME ON YOUR SHOW...”

“Silent mode!” Jon begged, like a pregnant woman asking for anesthetic. “Please, for the love of god, give me silent mode!” Taking her hoof back from Jon’s strong grip Lotus obliged with his request and, after a quick sequence of button pushes later, activated Jon’s desired approach.

Just like anyone else in his position Jon assumed the term “silent” in this situation was open to interpretation, usually just meaning very low in tone or funneling white noise into the ear. But to their credit what followed was complete and utter silence.

Jon wasn’t sure exactly what kind of pony technology was at play here, but for all his jokings about them being in the stone age, their machine made it so it was so quiet he could almost hear himself blink. It was rather eerie really. Looking in all directions he tried to see if he could perhaps pick up the tiniest hint of sound. He looked at Rarity who was still aimlessly talking to herself, but he could not hear a word. He caught Aloe and Lotus sharing a quick word with each other before scurrying off to prepare the next session and wondered if they were talking about him.

This was rare for Jon; absolute silence was not something a home grown New Yorker was familiar with, especially one with two kids. So he decided to make the most of it by taking Rarity’s advice and try to relax. Even though his seat was as uncomfortable as one would expect, he still found it somewhat calming to lie back and think about nothing. Unfortunately Jon’s brain would on occasion break up this tranquil experience by reminding him of important, though stressful, obligations. Like work, bills to pay, or appointments he couldn't afford to miss.

Most of these things didn’t bother him, that is until he opened his eyes. Again he saw ponies lounging about, each of whom being of various colors and shapes. And again he didn’t recognize any of them except for the twin sisters who were on the far end of the room fiddling with some beds. It was then that Jon saw a pony, a pony who he’d never met before but who shared a similar pale blue color scheme as someone he knew.

“Trixie.” Jon sighed to himself as he once again closed his eyes. “Please be alright.”

After about twenty minutes of continued self reflection Jon was awoken by a figure looming over him who he immediately recognized as the one who helped him into the device in the first place.

“Mr. Stewart, the Mane Manager as finished it’s cycle and your hair looks luxurious!” She complimented as the helmet slowly let go of Jon’s head. “Madam Rarity is already at the next treatment room awaiting your arrival... tell me Mr. Stewart, did you enjoy your hair treatment.”

Jon had to admit that not only did his hair feel lighter and more wavy but that feeling of sitting down doing nothing in perfect silence had a zen light effect on him where he was now more relaxed; except for his now slightly aching back. Though that didn’t stop him from seizing the opportunity at a quick joke.

“Yeah it was pretty nice,” he admitted as he combed his fingers through his hair. “It’s just that, well... nah forget about it.”

“Oh no, no, no Mr. Stewart please tell me!” Lotus pleaded. “If there was any kind of problem I must know!”

“Weeeeell... it’s about that whole ‘silent mode.’” he divulged as he struggled to unseat himself from the chair which still had a firm grasp of his oversized behind.

“Oh dear, did it not work?” She frightlyfully asked as she offered her hoof to Jon as leverage.

“No, no it worked just fine... but see that’s the problem.” He said, much to the confusion of Lotus. “You see... it was so quiet I literally couldn't hear a thing... and well, I’m sorry, but I just can’t be alone with the voices in my head for that long.”

With one last thrust of his hips Jon finally freed himself from the mane-manager with enough force to almost yank it from the ground. Putting his hand against his back he stretched himself just in time to see his handler looking nervously up at him.

Sensing that what he said might’ve been a Joke Lotus quickly forced a awkward laugh, waiting for Jon to confirm as such, but he never did... he just stared at her till she silenced herself. The two shared an awkward moment of silence with Jon trying to hold back a smile. After it was clear that things couldn't get any more uncomfortable he quickly changed gears.

“Now then!” He uttered in a tone as if nothing remotely unsettling had just occurred. “Where did you say we needed to go?”

“O-o-oh uh.... t-this... this way...” Lotus struggled to say, as she slowly escorted Jon to the other side of a wall which, like the one they just left, was lined up with machines. Only this time the machines were the ones that Jon noticed hovering over beds, one of which contained his partner for the day.

“Oh Jonathan!” Rarity called, her face half covered in some form or green ooze. “There you are, darling! Come now this is my favorite part!” Rarity said that about every treatment.

When Jon propped himself onto the bed Aloe had just finished putting on the last coat of facial properties onto Rarity’s face with Lotus advising Jon to lean back and relax while she did the same. It took only a few moments for Jon’s handler to get the necessary brush and bowl of green slime ready for smearing. Jon was urged to close his eyes, but right before he did he managed to catch a view of Aloe putting two slices of cucumber on Rarity’s face; one over each eye.

“Really?” Jon chuckled at the cliche of it all. Soon the world went dark, brought on my Lotus putting a substance on his face with the look and texture of guacamole. To save time the two sisters didn’t explain as to what purpose it served, but even Jon knew it had something to do with the pores of his skin.

With the bed he was laying on (barely) big enough for him to properly lay on and his cosmetic mask soaking into his face he could almost feel as if this was more of a vacation than a business trip... that is until Rarity opened her mouth.

“Now then where was I?” She said. “Ah yes! I understand your show takes place in New York which is a large city... well did I happen to mention that I’ve been to many metropolitan locals... why just last summer I was invited to attend...”

Lotus watched as Jon plucked the two slices of cucumber off from his eyes, broke them in half, and promptly shoved them in his ears. He could still hear both Rarity talking and the twin sisters walking away to ready their guests for the next session. For the remainder both Lotus and Aloe would return in intervals to check up on the two for long period of time. The next part of the treatment was removing the now solidified masks and replacing it with a steaming hot towel, or another facial substance in specific areas that needed the most attention.

In all fairness Jon enjoyed this session more than he thought he would. Not just because every time the sisters came back with a new treatment Rarity would go silent (at the advice of the twins so they could properly work on her face) but because the act of having his face cleansed in such a way felt oddly relaxing. Right away he could feel as if years of stress was being lifted from his ageing brow.

This, coupled with what they did with his hair, made him feel like a new man... at least from the neck up.

“Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea afterall.” He thought, as Lotus used some device to file down Jon’s nails while his mask hardened. He was unaware that things were about to take a turn for the worse.

If he had his way Jon would shut off all his senses and just float away right there and then but despite his wanting to do just that he couldn't help but overhear a rustling coming from where he knew Rarity was, followed by the magnanimous unicorn herself addressing him about something other than herself.

“Jonathan dear I’ll meet you in the next room.” Rarity said, once again finishing her treatment first. “Take your time, we have all day.”

“Jawohl.” Jon answered with a weak wave of his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Also do you know where the bathroom is?”

“Yes it’s down that hall, third door on your left.” She answered as she rounded the curtain blocking Jon’s view and headed toward a far off door. “You can’t miss it.”

“I shall try not to.” He called back. With all of the cosmetic items now scrapped off his face Jon swung his legs to the side and slowly lifted himself up with a grunt, his bones doing imitations of popcorn along the way. As he stretched his arms to the side he could see one of the twin’s silhouette waiting for him from behind the curtain.

“Shall I wait for you while you use the lavatory?” She asked.

“Nah I’m fine. Just wanted to know if there was maybe a place I could duck out early.” He joked as Lotus swiped the curtain aside. When he looked over his shoulder he could see Rarity walk through a door clear across the room with Alow following close behind. “I swear if I have to listen to anymore of her achievements I think I’m going to need a... well, a trip to spa.”

With a small chuckle and a grin just as faint, Lotus offered her hoof to help Jon get up.

“Yes, I realize Madam Rarity can be... how you say, passionate.” She said.

“Yeah, I don’t think if I were to look up ‘passionate’ in the dictionary I’d see her picture.” Jon shot back with a laugh. “For that you’d probably need to look under some other choice words like... well, I’d rather not say in front of a lady.”

“I will admit there is a reason why she’s our best customer.” Lotus admitted. “She’s very head strong and does whatever it takes to be on top... obviously that puts a lot of stress on her which is why she’s here so often... unfortunately, as of course you know, she has a habit of bringing her work with her; even here. She’s a great pony but whenever she has an appointment I just wish she’d calm down, take a deep breath and just relax.”

“Hey from your mouth to Celestia’s ears.” Jon said as he followed her across the room. “Are all your customers as... wound up as she is?”

“Honestly with some of the events that have transpired here over the years... I wouldn't be surprised if ponies only come to us when another tragedy occurs.” She admitted. “But if it means me and my sister are able to do what we love than we will not complain, you see.”

“You two must really put a lot of effort into your work.” Jon observed as he stretched his arms. “I’m guessing it’s not everyday you personally attend to the customers directly.”

“Well no when it comes to Madam Rarity and one as famous as you we of course want to leave a good impression.” She informed Jon who had now gotten from his bed. “Cosmetology is a very competitive field as I’m sure you know... the technology and techniques are constantly changing so we always have to be in tip top shape.”

“Speaking of which... what’s next on the list?” Jon asked as the two made their way around the curtain. “You going to use some kind of laser to zap parasites off my back?”

“Actually that light we used on your face in between facials was, technically a laser.” She answered.

“Wait what!?” Jon blurted as he tried to look over his shoulder at the machine near the bed he was just at.

“No, our next treatment is a proper physical therapy.” She finally answered.

“Oh great.” Jon said. “Now I’m going to have to listen to Rarity fill my ear about which fabric is best during winter season while some guy bends me into a pretzel.”

“I assure you it is nothing like.” Lotus urged, as they approached the door that Rarity and Aloe disappeared behind. “And as for Madam Rarity, I don’t think her discussing business will be an issue during this session..”

“Why do you say that?” Jon asked as Lotus placed her hoof against the door marked as a private room.

“You will soon see.” She winked, now opening the door.

When Jon and Lotus entered through the far off door they were greeted by a small room populated by both Rarity and Aloe. In the middle of the small enclosure were two portable massage tables one of which was currently being used by Rarity, though were it not for Jon having seen her walk in there first hand he might not have recognized her since her head was planted face down.

The room was pitch black with the only form of illumination being a few candles spread out in even distributions for an equal spread of light. There were some, though not many, candles next to the massage tables but it was only when she starting to speak did Jon know for sure he was looking at Rarity.

“There you are, darling!” She exclaimed in a most inviting tone. “We’ve been waiting for you, haven’t we Aloe.”

“Indeed we have,” Aloe said, her attention now on her sister. “Is everything alright, Lotus?”

“Indeed they are sister. Me and Mr. Stewart were just... getting better acquainted.” Lotus explained. “In fact why don’t we switch guests for a moment... I’m sure you would like to get to know our esteemed guest.”

“Why this is a wonderful idea!” Aloe announced as the two sister traded customers like they were baseball cards. “And what better way than with our next treatment, no?”

“Riiiight... so what exactly is that you’re going to do to me?” Jon asked, skeptical that whatever it was, it would leave him with a bad taste in his mouth. "Some big guy named Sven isn't going to break my back in half or anything like that right?"

“Oh Jonathan do stop making that face; you just got it done.” Rarity demanded in a playful tone. “We’re simply getting getting body massages next... I assure you afterwards you’ll feel like... like a new man.”

For all of Jon’s complaining and objections for this little excursion even he had to admit that the thought of a good ol’ fashioned massage sounded rather tempting. As Jon grew older one of the first things to go, besides his eyesight, was his back. Not only couldn’t he touch his toes, but unless he slept a certain way he would wake up in pain.

The only relief he ever got was from his wife who would, on occasion, rub or walk on his back for relief. And for today, having been subjected to sitting in furniture too small to sit properly in, he was mentally, and physically, in the right mindset for a back rub.

“Alright, what the hell, let’s do this!” Jon announced as he laid face down on the table which had an opening on it’s end for him to put his face in. “Lord knows my back could use a good readjusting right now.”

“Now that’s the Jonathan Stewart I’ve come to respect!” Rarity complemented. “I don’t normally say this but... it is so on! Aloe and Lotus are the best when it comes to physical therapy. Isn’t that right gals?”

Both sisters agree and with that they took their respective positions. Lotus started right away on Rarity while Aloe had to deal with Jon’s inexperience of what was expected of him at the moment.

“Before we begin Mr. Stewart I must advise that you remove your bathrobe.” Aloe whispered. “It wouldn’t be much of a massage if you still had your clothing, am I correct?”

Normally this would be the part where Jon would raise his hand in protest, but her point was valid enough that Jon obliged. He had gotten this far already so they way he saw it there was no turning back now.

“Alright fine,” Jon lifted his shoulders to slid his arms out of each sleeve. “But if vice busts in here to raid the place, I want it on paper that I didn’t put a check on the box that said ‘happy ending.’”

Making sure that his robe didn’t go below his waist, Jon’s back was now completely exposed. Like with the other sessions Rarity, being the most experienced of the two guests, was first to have her treatment begin. A treatment which she didn’t have any trouble vocalizing.

“Now then while we’re here I feel as though I should mention that as well as the most sophisticated mare of my group of friends I alone am the most-- OH!” She shrieked as Lotus began to work her hooves into her back. “Oooooh my yes! T-that’s the spot! O-o-oooh my! O-o-oooh yes, YES, YES! RIGHT THERE! HARDER, HARDER! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh Lotus you have magic hooves!”

Rarity was so loud in her demands for further satisfaction that not even the Mane Manager 2000’s deafening technology would’ve been able to keep Jon from overhearing her. He tried not to gawk at her, but it was difficult with her making noises that one usually only heard from behind closed doors. As lotus applied more pressure onto the purple haired unicorn’s back, she glanced over at Jon at shot him a wink.

“So this is what you meant by ‘she won’t be discussing any business.’” Jon said under his breath as Rarity continued to voice her pleasure. Planting his head back into the headrest Jon tried speaking over Rarity’s moaning. “Hey Aloe, hows-a-bout sending some of that good feelings my way huh?”

“U-um... y-yes, yes of course.” Aloe assured him as she hovered her hooves over his back. Like before Rarity was the first to enjoy the treatment provided; the main reason this time around, besides being the first to arrive at the treatment station, was because Aloe was not eager to touch Jon’s back. While Both Aloe and Lotus were masters in their field, up until now they had never worked on a human before.

With unsure eyes she scanned Jon’s back like it was the map to a foreign town written in a language she couldn't read. She had worked on countless ponies before and knew exactly where, and how much pressure to apply. She knew exactly what pressure points to focus on to make someone lose the feelings in their leg or what spot would make a Pegasus’ wings perk up. It had gotten to the point in her career that she she could massage a pony blindfolded and, if they were a regular, knew exactly which spot needed the most work.

But Jon was no pony; Aloe didn’t even know where to begin.

“Hey Aloe?” He called out over Rarity begging Lotus to go harder and lower. “You still with me over there?”

“O-of course!” She blurted, having been snapped out of her trance like state. “Let me just... alright I’m... ready to begin!”

Placing both hooves on Jon’s back she slightly shuttered at the how his bare flesh felt on her hooves. It wasn’t a disgusting or uncomfortable feeling for her, it just felt much different than a pony’s coat of fur. From here Aloe didn’t know exactly how to proceed, so with a deep breathe and eyes closed she began to rub Jon’s back while trying to imagine that it was actually some pony she knew.

The results: absolute suffering.

Going into this Jon knew that when it came to massaging that there were, at times, a small degree of pain, especially with one as old as he was. But any moments of comfort to be had here were too few and too far apart to the point where they were nonexistent. At first Jon endured the sharp spikes of pain on the assumption that it would get better later, but it never did; he could stay silent no longer.

“Okay wait what are yo-- OUCH! THE HURT! Wait! Try not to-- JESUS FUCKING CHR-- YEOWCH!” Jon yelled causing everyone in the room, except Rarity who was too deep in a euphoric spell, to take notice. “Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Please don’t go-- AAAAHHHHHH! FUCK! DAMMIT IT ALL TO HELL!”

Had the massage room been closer to the waiting room some of the ponies waiting their turn might’ve left on the assumption that someone was being murdered. The more Aloe tried to work her magic the more Jon suffered. Fueled by the urge to salvage this mess Aloe began to desperately rub her hooves all over Jon’s back in random spots, in no particular direction or intervals, and with different degrees of pressure in the hopes that maybe she’d get things right eventually. It only made things worse.

“OW! Ah you-- Fuck wait please sto-- ack! W-w-w-w-wait why don’t you-- OW! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh god help me!” He begged as Aloe switched techniques foolishly starting moving downwards to his lower back. “J-j-just a second Aloe I don’t think... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

After letting out a scream that would usually be reserved for those being tortured Jon arched himself back in pain only to fall back forward like he had lost the will to go on. The session continued for Rarity, who was so deep in relaxation that she didn't hear any of what had happened. By now she was enjoying her hooves being rubbed by Lotus who got a glimpse of her sister sitting in the corner like she was in trouble. She dared not touch Jon less she cause him any more pain.

“I’m so sorry.” Aloe whispered to him with sad eyes.

“It’s alright.” He said in a very placid tone. “Least now I know what it’s like to be trampled over.”

Using the world “trampled” to describe a routine massage session did very little to boost Aloe’s self esteem. Seeing that her sister was in distress over the situation, Lotus offered an alternative.

“Sister, why don’t you take our guest over to the bathing house?” She offered. “I still have a few more spots to work on madam Rarity and I’m sure our guest would enjoy the change in accommodations.”

Aloe looked at both Jon and Rarity for a comparison, and while the fancy Unicorn looked like she had died and gone to heaven, her human companion just looked plain dead.

“A-an excellent idea!” Aloe said as she jumped down from her seat. “Come now Mr. Stewart, I’m sure a nice refreshing bath will do you wonders!”

“Yeah, okay I’m going... you got a forklift.” He groaned while still firmly planted on the table. He didn’t expect her to answer so he decided to alter his inquiry to an even more unrealistic request. “Actually, I don’t suppose you have any swim trunks that could fit me or any other kind of outfit do you?”

Without even bothering to answer his obviously sarcastic question Aloe helped Jon to get up from the table; both were unaware of the fact that Jon had said the magic word.

"Did somepony say outfit?" Rarity asked in a muffled tone since her head was still down. Barely two feet to the door Jon's attention was now on his future guest and what she had just fished out of her bag which was laying beside her bed. "Here you are, darling."

Looking over everyone in the room could now see that she had in her possession a pair of swim trunks complete with an adjustable waist line and inner nettings. The fabric was the type one would expect to see for water exposure and there was a little sewn on insignia at the hip with Rarity’s face and initials.

As surprised as he was this time Jon didn’t even bother asking when she had the time to make this so to help get things over with he graciously accepted her gift.

“Thanks.” He said as he promptly slipped on the perfectly fitted swimwear, which incidentally was also pink, one leg at a time.

Now that he was properly covered he undid his bathroom and swung it over his shoulder. Seeing that he was ready Aloe opened the door to the rest of the building and motioned for him to follow.

“Okay, I’ll be back Rarity.” Jon called out as he passed the threshold. “If I don’t make it, tell my wife she can’t remarry.”

Jon couldn’t see if she would even gesture back at him. He was too focused on shuffling his way across the room, following Aloe who was walking much too fast to keep up with. He might’ve been able to catch up but he was walking at a brisk pace as to not aggravate his already throbbing back.

Eventually the two stopped at two doors separated by a series of purple and pink striped pillars. One door had a figure of a pink pony on it while the other a blue one. Jon could infer from this that one was for colts while the other for mares.

“Well, here we are.” Aloe said. “Behind this door is a wide array of bath treatments and even a sauna.”.

“I see” Jon responded, as he rubbed his still aching back. “Out of curiosity will... I’m not going to bump into Rarity or you and your sister while I’m in here will I?”

“No, mares aren’t allowed in this part of the bathhouse. Plus me and my sister are scheduled to give Madam Rarity a seaweed wrap after this.” She answered. “If you would like we could skip the bath house and you can have one as well... however we may only have seaweed left to cover half of your body.”

“NO, NO, NO that’s fine!” Jon urged. “I think I’ll just stay here for the rest of my stay!”

“Very good,” she said. “If you need anything from us please don’t hesitate to come find us.”

Jon watched as Aloe walked away back to the room that Jon had previously left, presumably to help her sister finish Rarity’s massage session. The second the door closed and she was out of sight Jon let out a huge sigh of relief. A part of him wanted to skip out of his spa date and head back home.

He quickly turned down the idea since for one it would have been incredibly rude to his future guest and because as much as this day hadn't gone his way he had to admit, again, the idea of a bathhouse sounded nice.

Not just because since the men and women were segregated, so he was guaranteed to not run into Rarity or the Spa twins as he wanted to be alone, but because he knew a bathhouse had to have a jacuzzi, something which would be just the trick for his still sore back.

“Alright, here goes nothing.” Jon thought as he entered through the door marked for colts and wound up in an entirely new world.

Unlike the rest of the spa this new location was much more organic by comparison. There were virtually no machines to be seen except for the occasional speaker which funneled smooth sounded music throughout the rooms. However much like the rest of the treatment centers things were somewhat densely packed but never lacking in variety. Jon could see a pool on one side and some designated shower stations on the other. But no jacuzzis as far as he could see.

Oddly enough there weren’t many ponies in attendance; as a matter of fact Jon could see none, but from the sound of faucets being turned on he knew that they were out there. His assumption was that maybe the bathhouse wasn’t as popular the rest of the spa, but in truth it was because, like everywhere else in Equestria, there are more females than males.

The floor in this new environment was wet so Jon carefully walked forward while keeping an eye out for anyone that could direct him to where he wanted to be. He passed the pool, the feet soaking stations, the shower heads and the smoothie bar. He didn’t need a swim, a shower, or a drink, all he wanted was to soak in a tub of hot water.

Eventually he found something, something that somewhat resembled what he was looking for. It was a rectangular tub built into the ground with a few other similar ones next to it in a row. They certainly looked small enough to be considered a jacuzzi, but each of them were empty.

“Huh?” Jon thought. “I wonder what this is.”

Carefully he stepped into one of them and slowly lowered himself in. It was large for a pony but for Jon he had to slightly hug his knees to fit properly. Looking in all direction Jon tried to see if there was some kind of device that when activated would fill the tub with the life giving water he so desperately wanted, but none could be found at first glance.

It was only when Jon looked over his shoulder at the long stretch of counter attached to a nearby wall did he see something that might help him. On top of the counter, in front of a mirror, there was a button with a logo over it in the shape of the tub Jon was currently in.

“Bingo!” Jon grunted. Without even having to get up he leaned back to press the button whereupon there was the sound of something activating.

With giddy anticipation Jon waiting for the steaming hot water to rise. He may not have been able to fit in the tub completely, but it was enough to get the job done. Pressing his knees closer to his chest and arching himself back so his back would get most of the water Jon anxiously prepared himself; but still nothing happened.

Though nothing was happening he could still hear the sound of something occurring nearby. It was an odd sound, slightly out of place but whatever it was it was getting louder as time passed. So he decided to wait it out a bit longer, though if he’d been paying attention he would’ve noticed that the sound wasn’t coming from below him.

When no water appeared for almost two whole minutes he made plans to get up and observe the button he pressed on the off chance that maybe he did something wrong. He was moments away from getting up when he felt something land on his head. Living in New York he was lucky enough to know what it felt like to have some pigeon do his business on you from on high and this felt remarkably similar.

Out of curiosity he felt the top of his head to see what it was. He found what it was and without hesitation scooped it up with his fingers so he could observe what had hit him. It was a wet and slimy brown substance with bits of chunks in it. Jon didn’t have to be an expert in cosmetic beautification to know what this was.

“Mud?” Jon thought as he looked upwards. It was then that his eyes caught something that horrified him. Above his head was some kind of funneling system connected at where the ceiling and wall met but didn’t notice till now since he activated it.

“Oh no.” He said. “Not again.”

This system, unknown to him at the time, was to be activated while no one was occupying the tub, only before. But for Jon it was too late, before he even got the chance to get up whatever mechanism he just activated was now dumping a steady flow of watered down dirt all over him like a turkey on Thanksgiving being drenched in gravy.

“A mudbath.” Jon sighed as his face and once cleaned hair was being covered by the stuff. “Now if there was ever an oxymoron.”

Accepting his filthy fate Jon just sat there as more and more mud sloshed it’s way onto his head, over his face and eventually to the rest of his body. Thankfully since the tub itself was meant for a pony, it was small in volume, so there wasn’t that much mud being drenched on him, but there was just enough to make it so he couldn’t just wipe it away; now he really did need to take a shower.

As if he wanted to take his defeat in it’s entirety Jon waited till every last bit of mud was properly emptied over his head, whereupon he got up, brushed off as many globs of sludge as he could back into the tub. Slowly he turned his sights to the far end of the room where he had passed the sectioned off shower sections. Moving carefully he made a beeline for the nearest shower head, it was during this walk of shame that a pair of stallions entered the enclosure.

Their conversation cut short by the sight of a mud covered human dragging a pink robe as he went for the shower section. For all they knew this was some kind of swamp monster so naturally neither of them knew what to say, but Jon did not share their hesitation.

“Don’t ask.” He demanded as he threw his pink robe just outside of one the many public showers. With a face that seemed to carry with it no expression Jon randomly fiddled with the nozzles till water poured on him. He didn’t really care what temperature it was he just wanted the mud off of him.

About the only good luck to be had here was that he managed to make the water at a soothing temperature; not too hot, but just enough that it at least felt like a jacuzzi. The steam eventually fogged up the semi-see-through glass that surrounded the shower station, making it so the two ponies, and anyone else, that came in wouldn't be able to see him.

Jon spent his time in the shower the way he did back at home; pressed up against the side of the screen allowing his mind flow as freely as the water which dulled his sense, making especially sure that the hot water was flowing on his back more than anywhere else. As his previous pain began to slowly melt away he too felt like he was starting to go. Jon had to use all his strength to not pass out right there and then,

Though after some unaccounted time had passed Jon eventually turned off the shower, sensing that perhaps he was starting to get too relaxed. He hated this next part so with great hesitation he stepped back out into the cold bath house.

With hands that shivered with every second spent outside in the cold, Jon picked up his pink robe and quickly threw it over his shoulder, placed his hands back in the sleeves and tied it shut around his waist. He took back every reservation he ever had for it; he was now extremely thankful to have something warm to dry himself off with.

Now that Jon was back outside he began to notice that more and more stallions were starting to enter the area, so to try and avoid any possible unwanted distraction he ventured further into the forest of shower stations that was the designated cleansing station. As he moved in deeper he found that not every shower station were identical as their counterpart. Some had different settings and at one point, Jon noticed that he missed an opportunity to occupy one that had more than one shower head.

Still, after taking a turn through what he thought was an exit, he emerged to find himself in a new area which had what looked like a log cabin like structure in the center. It looked slightly out of place, like this was once a museum and this small house was an exhibit. Driven by his curiosity yet again Jon walked up to it to see what it was. The large wooden box with no windows and one door had a sign on it which read “Sauna” in cursive so neat he wasn’t entirely sure if it was handwritten or not.

“Well now,” he thought. “This might be nice.” In his head he debated whether or not to enter but soon his mind was made up for him when he heard noises coming from behind him that sounded like someone coming; the last thing he wanted was to explain his story as to why he was here all over again. With that assumption still fresh in his mind Jon threw caution to the wind and opened the door which was almost as big as he himself, although he still felt the need to duck just in case.

At first, Jon couldn’t see anything because of all the steam he had just let escape, but soon his eyes adjusted as the mist dissipated revealing an all wood paneled box of a room complete with benches, a place to safely hold water on one side and burning coal in the other. But all of these rustic accommodations isn’t what Jon’s got attention, but rather it was the dozen pair of eyes now trained directly on him.

Out of the frying pan into the fire with roughly the same temperature.

Jon wasn’t expecting this sudden audience so about all he could do was stare while the many stallions were looking right back at him. Jon was preoccupied with finding an unoccupied spot he could sit in.

The sound of the door slamming behind him caused Jon to move forward and sit in the first available spot he could find, right between a blue Unicorn and a brown Earthpony. The entire time between Jon entering the sauna and him finding a spot to sit down was spent by the present ponies just glaring at him. Had this been on any other occasion Jon would assume it would be because of his effeminate attire, but in this case it was obviously due to the fact that he was both a human and a celebrity.

It would seem that the residents of Ponyville respected Jon enough that they decided to not bother him during his apparent vacation. It would also seem that the unspoken guy code of not talking to each other while in a situation like this was being upheld even now, but that still didn’t stop anyone present from their continued gawking.

It made him feel uneasy yes, but since he had felt this way about most of what took place on this day it felt almost common place, leaving him to reflect on the irony that was his getting used to feeling uncomfortable at a spa. And yet he still felt uneasy.

This unwanted attention was something that he thought wouldn't bother him, but to have it occur in this setting just added an entire new layer of unsettling on top of it all. For example none of the ponies sitting around him were wearing any form of covering, thus they were completely exposed. And while it’s true that he wasn’t at all bothered about the subject of nudity (least of all animals whom he always saw naked) it was still more of a pony than he wanted to see. Case in point; from where Jon sat he could tell that none of the ponies present were Jewish.

With a sigh Jon leaned forward, used the tools provided to scoop some water and splashed it over the collection of hot coals to make mist fill the room, as if by doing so no one could see anything but white fog. It was so misty and not at all visible that Jon didn’t even notice when a pony would leave the room; though a bigger reason for this was that he kept his eyes closed the entire time.

By sheer coincidence Jon was the last person in the sauna when a helper pony rang a bell to indicate that it was closing time at the bathhouse. Only a few members still remained in the area, including Jon, but they were all promptly herded out by staff hands nonetheless. The rest of the Spa was still open for some time since this particular enclosure was only open for a few hours at a time.

His refusal to leave the sauna was eventually discovered by a helpful working pony who knocked on the sauna door and informing him that he had to leave. Which he did, dragging his feet along the way.

Jon was the last to leave the bathhouse; if he had his way he’d stay longer and would only leave once he was forced out kicking and screaming. But for the sake of keeping appearance he did leave, and when he did he was greeted by a pair of familiar faces waiting for him a few feet away from the enclosure’s entrance.

“We meet once again Mr. Stewart.” Lotus smiled, ignorant of how lewd it looked for her and her sister to be waiting just outside the colt’s entrance. “Tell us, did you...”

“... Enjoy your time in our world renowned bathhouse?” Aloe added. “We hope it was to your liking.”

Before answering Jon rubbed his face with his hands and probably began to stretch his arms like he was trying to grab something behind him.

“Yes, yes it was actually.” Jon admitted in a tone like he had just awoken from a deep sleep. “Tell me, where is Rarity? Is she still getting treated? Let me guess, she’s bathing in water populated by small fish that eat the parasites off you or some such nonsense?”

“No Mr Stewart, the scrounging treatment is only on Tuesdays.” Aloe explained. “But as for Madam Rarity she...

“... Is already done and waiting for you up front.” Lotus added. “We have your clothes ready for you right here.”

Noticing that there was a basket-like object in between them Jon bent down and picked it up to find that his newly tailored suit from that day was neatly folded and ready to be worn for the first time since acquiring it. Without even asking Jon stepped behind an adjacent folding screen that someone left behind to change. Aloe and Lotus would have mentioned that from where the screen was placed ponies could see him through a nearby mirror’s reflection, but they decided that he had suffered enough today.

Soon Jon emerged fully dressed, his black suit in stark contrast with the pink robe and swim trunks he carefully put away in the same basket his suit was being kept in. This was his first time wearing his present and he had to admit, it felt as nice as it looked. The measurements were spot on with each proportions fitting just right with a little bit of room so it didn’t feel too restrictive.

The outside felt as smooth and delicate as the interior, and while he wasn’t a fan of dark black, even he had to admit it was the best suit he had ever worn. It was so nice he felt the need to thank the person who made it so with that he slowly walked toward the front door in the most direct route he could see, but not before addressing the twins one last time.

“Well then; Aloe, Lotus, it’s been a pleasure.” He said with a quick bow and a clipping of his cufflinks. “Now if you’ll excuse me I really ought to be going now.”

“Bye bye!” Both sisters said in unison. “We hope you will join us again soon.”

Hearing this almost caused Jon to drop his belongings as he stopped in the middle of the room. With a look of disbelief on his face he turned around so quickly that he managed cause a small jolt of pain in his neck.

“You can’t be serious!?” He exclaimed, which caused both sister’s to lower their ears in guilt. Seeing this made Jon in turn feel guilty too for his sudden outburst. For all that went wrong there was still some moments of euphoria that Jon used to justify what he would say next. “Uh, I mean... I would... I would love to come here again... maybe during my next vacation?”

“Really!” Both sisters asked, with newly engraved smiles on their face.

“Oh sure, are you kidding me?” Jon asked as scanned the room one last time before turning around to head to the waiting room. “Wild horses couldn't keep me away.”

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Anywhere but here

Working his way back up the forefront of the establishment Jon was only slightly surprised to see that Rarity wasn’t in the waiting room of the spa. There were still a fine selection of ponies eager to get in, some of whom saw Jon go in first; and it was those ponies that were the most confused since he was now wearing his new black suit even though he entered with his older grey one. Leaving them to wonder if clothes restoration was some kind of new treatment.

But out of all the ponies new and old in the waiting room none of them was his purple haired friend.

“The hunt continues.” Jon thought. “For the rare ‘Fancyous ponyous.’” Jon scanned the room from right to left ignoring all the unwanted staring eyes. Eventually he saw who he was looking for. Even though he did a quick look around the area, he didn’t even notice if the ponies in the room were staring back at him because his focus was on the lone figure waiting just outside the building, who he could see through the window on the side of the building.

“There you are.” Jon thought as he made his way to the entrance, passing pony after pony who he didn’t know.

The second he passed archway and back into the outside world he could hear the unmistakable sound of rumours being whispered by those who got the chance to see him. But Jon didn’t care about idle gossip... not yet, at least.

“Hello Rarity,” Jon announced in a very dull and placid tone, like he’d just awoken from a particularly boring seminar on watching paint dry. “Hope, I didn’t keep you.”

Like some kind of super model Rarity turned around with such grace and form that it looked like she’d been practicing in front of a mirror to get it just right. Her hair, which at this point was well beyond shiny, glistened and it swayed along with the movement of her face, causing her to do a quick flip of her head so she could see. If nothing else she could easily get on TV as a shampoo model.

“Oh Jonathan darling, there you are!” She said. “I was beginning to think you’d never leave. Though I can’t really blame you, now can I? This place is simply heavenly! Wouldn't you agree?”

“Oh yeah it’s... it’s something alright.” He commented as he rubbed his lower back and dragged his finger through his once clean hair. “But listen if we could be serious for a second.”

“Oh of course!” She responded.

“If you think I’d let someone on my show because they treated me to a day at the spa then you're wrong.” He explained. Surprising Rarity in a way that made it seem like she should have known that. “Oh but please don’t get the wrong idea, this was very nice and--”

“No, no, you are absolutely right!” Right interrupted by raising hoof to stop Jon from talking any further. “And I should have realized that! Oh how embarrassing, sometimes I can be quite the fool.”

“Hey don’t be too hard on yourself.” He advised as passing ponies began to stop and stare, slowly starting to make a small crowd.“As long as you now know better.”

“Oh and I do! Honestly I don’t know what I was thinking! If I want to be worthy enough to be on your illustrious program then I’m going to have to do more, so much more” She said as she grabbed Jon’s hand to have it a gentle pat. “Thank you Jonathan for showing me the way! For my eyes are open and I can now see that if somepony like me would even dare to dream of appearing on television then I’m going to have to convince you with more... shall I say sophisticated methods!”

“Exactly now yo-- wait what?” Jon asked.

“Don’t worry darling, I understand.” Rarity acknowledged in an overly dramatic way which only caused more ponies to gather round. “I see now that a human as refined as yourself will needs more convincing than just new clothes and a mere spa date... a lot more.”

“No, no, no you still don’t understand!” Jon urged, but they fell on deaf years. “You don’t need to keep doing things for me! You’ve already--”

“I realize now that I have failed to impress you and as a mare about town this simply won’t do.” Rarity interrupted. “Which is why, while you were still inside, I’ve made reservation at a local restaurant for two... there we will share a fabulous meal for two while discussing any further arrangements.”

More and more a crowd began to develop around the two. Partially because the two were making so much noise and also because most of them were stunned to see a famous human in their midst. For them, even with their lack of context, they knew already that Rarity was blowing things well out of proportion. Some of the gathering ponies chuckled at the dramatic unicorn while Jon slapped his face with the palm of his hand.

“Rarity for the love of-- you don’t... I mean this is all just... UGH!” Jon moaned as he rubbed the back of his head. He was starting to think that no matter what he said it wouldn't matter with Rarity trapped in her own apparent world. “I... this.... ugh, this restaurant of yours... exactly how local is it? Is it any good?”

“Oh it’s the most delightful little restaurant you’d ever seen! It’s called ‘The Rapide Nourriture;’ Great service and their creme brulee is to talk of legends; it’s my favorite restaurant” She explained. “As for where it is it’s at the corner of Hoofington street and Saddle avenue.”

Jon recognized the street names from when he and his wife both came to Equestria for a dinner date on Celestia.

“CANTERLOT!” Jon exclaimed, surprising both Rarity and the ever growing crowd around them. “You want to take me all the way to Canterlot for a dinner!”

“Why yes of course, darling.” She said. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“Of course there is!” Jon roared. “Rarity I’m NOT going to Canterlot for dinner.” At first Rarity seemed confused but soon after a look of clarity found its way to her face.

“You know what? I see what you mean; the restaurants in Canterlot aren’t properly prepared to handle a pallet as sophisticated as yours.” She said, causing Jon to look upon her with various degrees of disbelief. “Yes, I do believe we need to find the a more suitable eatery for one as famous as you... I hear they just opened the most charming bistro over in the Crystal empire.”

While Canterlot was too far away this new idea of hers sounded like it was in an entire different world of it’s own.

“Okay this needs to stop!” Jon demanded as he got down on one knee and grabbed Rarity by her shoulders, forcing her to look him in the eyes. “Rarity... for the love of God... Listen. To. Me.”

As if this was some kind of live action soap opera the passing ponies stopped murmuring to each other and leaned in to see what would happen next. Rarity did the same but she didn’t lean in too close since Jon had already done that for her.

“I-is there something wrong, Jonathan.” She asked, her voice only slightly wavering.

“Yes! Yes there is!” Jon said, as he let go of Rarity and got some distance between them. “I mean I... I-I don't even know where to begin! Look, I know you're trying to be nice but the problem here is that... oh god.”

“Jonathan?” She asked a now terrified looking Jon Stewart. “A-are you alright?” For many watching it looked as if staring into Rarity’s eyes had caused him to become petrified with fear, like she was Medusa only with a better hairstyle. But in actuality Jon was absolutely terrified, but it didn’t have anything to do with Rarity, but rather what Jon saw behind her.

Even with Jon down on one knee he could see over the heads of the ponies surrounded him, and it was because of this height vantage that he saw a particular pony walking out of a local store and was now slowly, though tangentially making her way to Jon. A pony whose green body and mane was as recognizable as the cream colored pony she always hanged around with.

“Lyra!” Jon thought to himself as his body felt as if it would collapse at any moment. With all that he had been through he had forgotten that his apparent number one fan was still around and presumably still eager to meet him.

Jon knew that if he stayed here any longer Lyra would notice him and ram her way through the crowd of ponies to get to him like a bowling ball toppling a set of pins. Suddenly a trip to a new town didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“Jonathan?” Rarity repeated at a now higher volume as she waved her hoof in his face. “Is something the matter? You were just about to tell me what was wrong?”

At this point Lyra still hadn’t noticed the towering human because she was moving parallel to him and was busily talking with her mate Bon-bon, but Jon knew that at any moment that could change.

“O-o-oh um, yes, yes there is a problem.” Jon finally worked up the nerve to say. “That is to say uh we... uh w-w-we... the problem is if we don’t leave now we’ll properly miss our reservations at the Rapid whatever it’s called!”

With one swing of his arm Jon effortlessly scooped Rarity up and under his arm like she was an oversized football, against the advice of his still aching back.

“But before we go let’s leave this general area!” He advised. “Come one; we’ll head back to your place!”

“My, my Jonathan!” Rarity exclaimed; the idea of her being literally swept off her feet by a celebrity was quite enchanting. “I never knew you were so forward.”

“Yeah that’s me alright!” Jon said as he dashed off in the opposite direction and around a nearby corner. “Now let’s get the hell out of here!”

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Jon can take no more

Getting Rarity back to her own place was easy; it was the rumors of him down on one knee while passionately locking eyes with her that would be hard to explain down the road. But that wouldn't be till much later.

At the moment the both of them were back at Carousel Boutique, with Jon idly sitting down drumming his fingers while Rarity paced back and forth, unable to contain herself. The room was still as messy as when they left it but Rarity didn’t seem to notice; all that was on her mind was convincing the already convinced Jon about the prospect of having her on his show.

“So I’ve already booked our stay at the restaurant up in Canterlot.” She mused, in a tone that she normally reserved for special occasions.

“Rarity.” Jon called out from his seat atop the large suitcase. But to no avail.

“From there we will share an exclusive boat ride in the private pony-made lake at the Canterlot Country club.” She continued.

“Rarity, you really don’t have to.” Jon said once more.

“I’ve already pulled a couple of strings with the owner so the entire lake will be closed off to the public... nopony will be bother us.” She bragged.

“Rarity I’ve already decided you can be on the show.” Jon implored. “You can stop now.”

“Oh dear I just realized! We’re going to be dining at the one the most exclusive restaurants in all of Equestria and I haven’t a thing to wear!” She said, inadvertently ignoring Jon once more.

“Rarity you can be my next guest!” He said, this time in a slightly louder tone.

“Dear me how could I have been so foolish!” She said while falling backwards onto nearby pile of clothing she claimed to not have. “Whatever shall a mare to do!?”

“You can come on my show.” He offered.

“WAIT! I got it! I’ll make a new outfit!” She announced.

“Rarity, I’m going to carve my initials into the side of your glass case.” Jon threatened.

“An outfit so extravagant that when the high class ponies of Canterlot see me they’ll collapse at the mere sight of my sophistication!” She continued. “Then you’ll have no choice but to see that I have what it takes to be on your program!”

“Rarity, I’m going to kidnap your sister.” Jon warned.

“Yes! That’s perfect!” She responded. “You wait here and promise to not make your decision yet while I get started on the concept design! It only only take a few minutes.”

Reaching into the pocket of his new suit Jon pulled out his trusty lighter which only ever used during emergencies or if a friend needed a light. With a quick hand gesture he opened it, producing a single flame.

“Rarity if you don’t stop talking I will burn this boutique to the ground.” He clearly vowed.

“Well of course I’ll make you a hat to go along with your new suit!” Rarity responded. “Honestly Jonathan, do not be afraid to ask.”

With a sigh Jon withdrew his lighter and watched as the passionate unicorn leapt from her spot and ran off to the back room to grab some supplies.

“Now Jonathan do be a dear and stay put while I prepare for our night on the town.” She said grabbing bits of fabric and tools along the way with her horn. “I need to make our dinner ware and call to see if they’ll be playing the right music. We wouldn't want anything to go wrong tonight now do we?”

Without even waiting for an answer she disappeared behind a door where she normally conducted business that didn’t involve actually making clothing, leaving Jon alone one again. Jon liked Rarity for who she was, especially as a potential guest since she was charming, charitable, influential, tenacious, and based on her apparent connections, well respected within her community... but at the same Jon was somewhat frightened by how tenacious she was.

Getting up to stretch he walked to one end of the room to the other to get the blood flowing; at his age if he sat still doing nothing for long periods of time he’d likely fall asleep. From where Rarity vanished Jon could hear the faint sound of her scrambling to get supplies as well as anything else she might need. Stopping for a second Jon chuckled to himself and shook his head at the thought.

At that moment however Jon heard another sound coming from another door, this time coming from the front entrance of the shop. When he turned around could barely make out two figures walking through the entrance ; it was hard to say who they were since the store was still a complete mess.

Though when one of the two figures spoke it was very clear as to who it was.

“Jon!” The voice called out. “Are you here, Jon?” He now had a plan.

“Over here, Twilight!” He called out, immediately causing whomever was with her to start running towards Jon’s general direction. In anticipation for this Jon jumped from his seat and crouched down a few feet away half in and half out of a rack of hanged dresses, his body poised like a catcher ready to seize a baseball thrown by a pitcher.

A few shuffling of hanging clothes later and it was revealed that the person who came in with Twilight was none other than her assistant Spike the dragon, he jumped into view to where he thought he heard Jon calling out from. From this angle he couldn’t see him since he had stealthily placed himself right behind the purple dragon.

Twilight had just caught up to where Spike was and right as one of them was about to ask the other as to the whereabouts of their human friend Jon leapt forward and grabbed spike with one hand while placing his other hand over his mouth.

“GIMME YO LUNCH MONEY!” Jon yelled in a thuggish voice. For the briefest of moments it looked as if Twilight was about to attack Spike’s would-be mugger, but once it was clear, at least to her, that it was Jon she gave a sigh of relief and a slight grin at the inevitable rough housing that came naturally between the two.

The plan at this point was to not let go of the now struggling Spike till he himself figured out that he was being “attacked” by Jon. Or least that’s what he would have done were it not for his hand which now felt like he had placed it on a skillet slowly being turned on. Without thinking Jon dropped spike as he recoiled his hand.

“AARGH!” He cried out in pain.

The second his hand left Spike’s mouth a burst of green fire exploded causing a surprised Jon to stumble back where he collided with a standing rack of clothing. When spike turned around he was still confused by who it was that attacked him since the intruder now laid under a pile of clothes. It wasn’t until Twilight used her magic to lift a series of dresses off, like a showgirl unveiling a new car, did Spike understand what was going on.

“JON!” Spike yelped out of joy. Just as Jon had predicted the tiny baby dragon launched himself at Jon’s face like a baby Xenomorph, leaving him a very small window of time to react. Twilight slowly approached the two as the comedian struggled to tear Spike off of him, mostly so he could breath.

“Hey buddy.” Jon smiled as he sat up, crossed his legs and placed Spike on his lap like he was Father Christmas. “Long time no see.”

The same hand that he used to prevent Spike from talking was slightly charred and still smoldering. Again he yelped in pain when he placed it against the ground to hoist himself up. He might've attempted to try and remedy it with some kind of bandaging or ointment but before he could even ask it began to heal on its own. It was now being attended to by Twilight who was casting a quick and simple healing spell while the other hand was being used as lumbar support for the tiny dragon; he could now see the damage he did to his friend.

“Oh gosh Jon, I’m so sorry!” Spike exclaimed, as he caught a view of the slight burn marks on Jon’s elderly hand. “I didn’t mean to hurt you! I-I was just startled and when I’m scared sometimes I... well yeah... I’m sorry.”

“Hey forget about it; I had it coming.” Jon urged as Twilight used her simple magic to cause all burns to slowly vanish. “Mother always told me when I was but a lad that I shouldn't go around scaring dragons or things like this would happen... was asking for trouble really.”

The two of them shared a laugh while Twilight put the finishing touches on Jon’s now completely healed hand.

“Aaaand there we are!” She said. “Your hand is as good as new.”

“Yeah, nothing about me is ‘new’... still though, thanks Twi. That’s three I owe you,” Jon said. “So... what are you guys doing here?”

Before twilight could answer Spike intercepted the question

“Hey! We could ask you the same question.” Spike responded while wagging a scaley finger at him. “What are you doing here!”

In jest Jon threw both hands up in a gesture of surrender which almost caused Spike to tumble backwards like a baby who was still learning to walk. While Jon quickly made sure he didn’t fall Twilight took the opportunity to state her own hypothesis.

“I bet I know why you’re here, Jon.” She theorized while lightly rubbed her chin with her hoof.

“You do?” Jon asked.

“I think so... it’s why you came to Ponyville in the first place. Remember our conversation this morning?” She reminded. “I’ll bet you are here to ask Rarity to be on your show!”

There was a moment of confusion on Jon’s part brought on by her speculation. He had forgotten that his lie to Twilight about wanting to find a guest had evolved into actuality. For Twilight he was here for his show and while that certainly was the case now it was much different than his original plan.

“O-oh yeah! That’s right!” Jon agreed, doing his best to not draw suspicion. “Yep, that’s why I’m here alright! You got me; I’m came to ask your friend Rarity to be my next guest.”

This sudden news was well received for all who were fortunate enough to hear it, with one individual notably more excited.

“Wow really!” Spike jumped from his seat from pure joy. “That’s great!”

“Yes, this is indeed wonderful news!” Twilight added. “I’m sure the two of you will have a fun time on national television... tell us how did Rarity take the news?”

This question left Jon silent as he wondered how exactly to answer it.

“You did tell her that she can be your next guest... right?” Twilight continued.

“Well of course I did but... but... but she won’t listen to a darn word I say.” Jon explained. “I’ve tried to explain to her as much as possible, but she won’t stop doing me favors to try and earn a guest slot that she already owns... I mean there’s being nice and then there’s going overboard.”

“Yes that... that certainly does sound like our Rarity.” An embarrassed Twilight forced herself to admit.

“It’s almost insufferable. Whenever I try to explain things to her, she insists on a new outing for us to do.” Jon complained. “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed before, but your friend Rarity is a bit of a drama queen.”

This statement alone was enough to award Jon with the title of captain obvious, and the trophy that came with it; if such a thing existed.

“Oh, you don’t know the half of it.” Twilight sighed.

“B-but you’re still going to have her on your show right!” Spike demanded to know, arguably looking more concerned about this possible appearance than Rarity herself. “I mean you still should! Rarity would make a great guest for your show! She’s nice, talented, caring and, and, and she’s the most wonderfulest pony ever to exist!... uh, no offense Twilight.”

None was taken from her end till just then, which made Jon laugh like a madman. After he was done, he wiped away a lone tear and began to rub Spike’s back.

“Hey, hey don’t worry kiddo I still mean to have her on the show.” Jon assured Spike which caused him to let out a sigh of relief. “But I’m sure her segment won’t hold a candle to yours. Isn’t that right number one?”

“Aw shucks I’m nopony special!” Spike argued.

“Hey don’t sell yourself short, son.” Jon advised. “Afterall I still think your interview was the best ‘Equestrian Interview’ I’ve ever conducted... uh, no offense Twilight.”

Again Twilight didn’t even think about it till it was brought up, prompting her to roll her eyes and verbally express her dismay with a grunt, causing both Jon and Spike to giggle to themselves like a couple of school kids who had just pulled a prank on a fellow classmate.

“But hey! I already answered your guys’ question so now it’s your turn!” Jon demanded. “What are you two doing here?”

The two mythical creatures shared a quick glance with Spike giving a nod for Twilight to explain.

“Well it’s simple really, we came here looking for you Jon.” She revealed. “I wanted to see if you needed further assistance during your stay in our world; or at the very least needed me to transport you back to your world since the Princess is still busy.”

“Ah, Celestia still not answering your calls?” Jon asked.

“That’s right... but not to worry, once you’re ready to head back home I’ll be more than happy to do it for you.” She offered. “Though before I do you’ll still need to actually let Rarity know she got the part... and by the sound if it that may be easier said than done.”

“You're telling me! You wouldn't believe the stuff I’ve had to put up with all for the sake of that pony!” Jon exclaimed. “Did you know that she dragged me to go to the spa where I was forced to have a body massage, mud bath, and face cleaning!?”

Twilight gave Jon an odd look since what he was describing didn’t particularly sound daunting or inconvenient in the slightest.

“Also is this a new suit?” Spike asked she he rubbed his scaley palm cross the sleeve of his sports jacket.

“It is! She made it for me along with a bathrobe and a new pair of swim trunks! ” Jon explained as Twilight continued to shoot him odd looks. “And now she’s taking me to dinner in Canterlot and then we’re going to share a boat ride! I swear at this rate I think she’ll let me go all the way with her if it means she can be on the show.”

Twilight just sighed and shook her head at Jon’s crude humor, especially in front of young Spike who now looked visibly concerned. She would have scolded him for it but just then someone came into the room.

As if thinking about her caused her to materialize, Rarity suddenly burst back into the open after using her magic to throw the door open. What followed was the white and purple unicorn walking very slowly as she used her magic to balance a large amount of fabric in front of her to the point where she couldn't see where she was going.

“Right then, Jonathan! I believe I have all the necessary equipment needed to make our dinner wares for the evening!” She said as she made her way to the center of the room.

Gently she placed the various goods and tools to the side so she could get a good look at Jon.

“Though I’m afraid I’ve lost your measurements, so I’m going to need you to once again...oh! Twilight and Spike? My this is a pleasant surprise.” She said as her mind adjusted to the fact that she now had more guests to attend to. “I had no idea you two were coming by for a visit... had I known I would have spruced the place up. Might I ask why you two are present in my house?”

Before any of the two friends she was addressing could speak Jon decided to step in as this seemed like an ideal opportunity to straighten things out.

“These two are here because of me.” Jon revealed. “This is perfect actually because I wanted to--”

“JON’S MARRIED!” A voice shrieked, startling the adults in the room. Eventually everyone followed the source to the outburst over to Spike who was now standing in front of Jon and point at him while staring at Rarity. “H-he... He’s married and has two kids, you know!”

“I... um y-yes I am well aware of that.” Rarity acknowledged, confused as to why he would even bring up a seemingly trivial point.

“Good because you don’t need to do anything else!” Spike continued, still not entirely satisfied. “He’s married AND he’s already made a decision so you don’t have to go all the way with him!”

Like before, when he first ran into the center of the room, someone came up behind Spike and grabbed him, only this time it was a hoof covering his mouth. Twilight used her magic to yank Spike towards her like a fish on a line and, being more experienced in such matter, covered his snout in a way where she wouldn't get burned by any loose flames.

“I’m sorry but, go all the way where now?” Rarity asked the obviously gagged dragon. “I’m afraid I haven't the faintest idea of what you’re talking about.”

Struggling to speak Spike attempted to break free from Twilight’s magic grip, a task which proved impossible for the chubby baby dragon.

“Oh don’t mind Spike!” Twilight nervously chuckled as she began to slowly walk backwards. “These kids can say... just the oddest things!”

Turning her attention now on Jon, Rarity gave him the same look of confusion as she did to Spike.

“Jonathan, what did he mean by ‘you’ve already made a decision?’” She asked. “What’s going on here.” But he didn’t answer right away; he was still fixated on Spike’s outburst. The next person to talk was actually the one currently manhandling him.

“Jon! Tell her before it’s too late!” Twilight urged as she dragged the still struggling dragon around a corner of clothing, before disappearing.

“Tell me what?” Rarity asked.

“O-oh um... yes I uh, that is to say... Rarity!... I-- based on what I’ve seen today I’ve made a decision on whether or not to have you on my show.” Jon announced causing Rarity’s ears to shoot up, now taking notice. As if her legs couldn't take it she fell down to a sitting position with laser focused attention. “Taking into consideration the events that have transpired today and, the suggestion of various third party consultants I have decided that you, Rarity whatever-your-last-name-is, shall be the nest guest to be interviewed on ‘The Daily Show.’”

Like a poorly signaled satellite interview it seemed like the information didn’t reach Rarity’s mind till a few seconds after it had been uttered by Jon. Visibly she was shaking and it look as if she would explode with any number of emotion at a moment’s notice. Contrary to what Jon thought would happen she calmly got up, brushed up any loose follicles of her person and took a deep breath.

“I see,” she said as she slowly walked backwards to make her way back to her office. “If you’ll excuse me Jonathan I need to um... think matters over before I can accept your offer.”

Waving his hand for her to go, Jon watched as Rarity disappeared behind the door she had previously came out of. What followed was the sound of girlish screams and what sounded like her jumping up and down furiously. Jon would not have categorized it as discrete; even from a room over she was making more noise than Jon did when his hand got burned.

“I think that’s a yes.” Jon mumbled before the white coated unicorn emerged from her work room and back to where she had previously heard the news.

“Ahem... I have decided that, yes, I accept your humblest of invitations... I would gladly spare some time to attend your program.” She said, causing her to smile a most giddy smile. “Actually... would you excuse me for a moment?”

Again Jon waved for her to go and again she rushed into her room to put on an encore performance of her evidential joy. A few seconds later the door swung open and in a blink of an eyes she rushed out to confront him face to face.

“Tell me Jon! What made you finally decide on having me!? What was the determining factor!?” She demanded to know, apparently still having some left over vigor. “Was it it the spa!? Oh, oh, oh, oh I bet it was the suit, wasn’t it!?”

Revealing that it was actually her sister, and her two friends, who basically forced him to agreeing to have Rarity might’ve been too awkward an option to consider. Not only would it mean that Jon’s decision wasn’t based on pure merit alone but that all of Rarity’s charitable gifts and services, which he accepted, were all for naught.

Jon didn’t want to sound like a pushover or some kind of con-man so he needed a convenient scapegoat. And as Twilight returned back to the center of the room he found one, or rather in this case, it was a scapedragon.

“Actually it was Spike.” Jon revealed as the dragon rounded the corner with Twilight.

“Spike?” The two unicorns said in unison.

“M-me?” Spike wondered since he was lacking the context of what was being discussed.

“Yeah Spike. I’ll admit I was on the fence about having ya for a bit, but then Spike here informed me about how I should have you regardless.” Jon explained. “He told me how you were the best choice... I believe he said something along the lines of you were the nicest most wonderful pony in the entire history of forever.”

Turning ever so slightly to her side Rarity was now staring directly into Spike’s eyes which were as wide and surprised as her own.

“Spike dear... is this true?” She asked.

“U-uuuuh yes! Yes it is!” Spike boasted as he put his hands on his hips. Slowly Spike felt as if he was being drawn in by some unknown force; before he had the chance to open his eyes Rarity had already used her magic to yank the small dragon to her like he was attacked to the end of a bungie cord.

“OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, SPIKE!” She squealed while hugging him so tightly his face started to change colors from lack of oxygen. Though the color came back in the form of red when she leaned in to give him a thankful kiss on the cheek. “You are the best friend a girl can ever have, ever!... oh, no offense Twilight dear.”

Rather than bothering to acknowledge her, Twilight just ignored her comment and focused on picking up Spike from the ground after Rarity let got of him. A difficult task since Rarity’s kiss left him immobilized.

“Jonathan, Spike... I can’t thank you enough for what you two have done today!” Rarity announced while placing both her hooves over her heart.

“Eh don’t worry about it; that’s what friends do.” Jon responded. “Ain't that right Spike?”

Spike tried to respond as well but everything that passed his lips just turned to nonsensical gibberish as he caressed the spot on his cheek where Rarity kissed him.

“No, no, no I feel I must thank you both! It would only be proper for a lady such as myself.” She said as an idea crept it’s way into her head. “AH! I know! Why don’t I treat everypony here for a session at the Spa, my treat.”

“Wait what!” Jon barked. “Again!?”

“Why of course!” Rarity exclaimed. “All this talk about business has left me rather tense... I could use another session to clear my mind... and of course Twilight and Spike will be joining us.”

Jon’s back tensed up at the thought of going back there so soon.

“Oh and afterwards we can all go to Canterlot for that dinner reservation; my treat.” Rarity continued as she idly began to walk back to her work room. “I’m sure I can convince them to add two more chairs to the table, but of course we’ll need to look our best so I better get started on those outfits I was talking about before... OH and wouldn’t it just be the most adorable thing ever if Spike came dressed as...”

Without even waiting for Rarity to exit the room Jon threw his hand to the side, without looking, and grabbed Twilight by the scruff of her neck. With all his strength he yanked her to him with a face that suggested he couldn’t take any more.

“Twilight.” Jon sneered. “Get me the fuck out of here.”

“U-uh sure.” She responded somewhat frightened tone. Letting go of his purple friend Jon stood and readied himself for the incoming spell; a somewhat premature notion since it would take Twilight a few minutes to get things started. “Just give me a second to get the spell ready.”

As twilight began to regulate the flow of magic to a dense cluster at the tip of her horn Spike was just starting to regain full consciousness long enough for Jon to actually carry a conversation with him.

“L-l-l-l-l-leaving... already, Joooon.” Spike blabbered as he tried to stand himself up on his jello legs.

“Hell yes!” Jon said, now noticing Spike’s dazed expression. “You going to be alright, Spike?”

“Yeeeeeaaaaaah.” Spike moaned as he continued to rub the side of his face. “I’ll be fine.”

With Twilight busy Jon decided to take this time to ask him something that had been bother him for awhile now.

“Good cause I want to ask you something.” Jon continued. “How exactly did you and Twilight know where I was? I didn’t tell anyone that I was here nor did I tell Twilight that I was looking for Rarity... or anyone for that matter.”

“Oh... O-oh well that’s cause there’ve been rumors spreading all over ponyville about you and Rarity hanging out together.” Spike revealed now more focused. “Everypony in town knows about it.”

“Oh great, everyone is talking about us” Jon moaned, as he shook his head. “But then again I should be used to this by now... same thing happens back in the human world too. You know I remember this one Halloween there was this incident where...”

Before he could finish Jon went silent as a thought crossed his mind, a thought powerful enough to paralyze him where he stood and send a cold shiver of fear down his back like he was sure he was about to die.

“Jon?” Spike asked as he tugged on his pant leg. “W-what's wrong.”

“Spike?” Jon said. “When you said everypony knew about us... did you really mean... everypo--”

His question was tragically cut short by what sounded like a bird flying straight into a window; it came from behind them. When Jon slowly turned around to investigate he saw what had caused it and immediately felt a chill go through his very heart like nothing he had ever felt before.

Just outside the door to Carousel Boutique a pony was pressing her face against the glass window of Rarity’s front door. Even from far away Jon could properly identify who it was. He prayed he was wrong in his assumption but the second the pony began to speak his suspicions were cemented and his fear justified.

“HI JON!” Lyra yelled as she tried to open the door. “I’VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER TOWN FOR YOU!”

“Oh hello Lyra.” Spike waved. “What brings you--”

“TWILIGHT DO IT NOW!” Jon yelled as he dropped to both knees in an attempt to simultaneously hid from Lyra and beg to Twilight. “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND ME BACK HOME RIGHT NOW!”

“H-hold on a minute.” Twilight said as she struggled to gather up the necessary amount of magic needed. “I’m... not... quite done ye--”

“I DONT CARE!” Jon roared as the sound of the front door opening caused him to yell even louder. “DO IT NOW! DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO IT, DO--”

Following the same path that Twilight and Spike took, as indicated by the clothes spread apart forming a trial, Lyra ran to the center of the room just in time to see Jon disappear behind an explosion of colorful magic. Before her brain to register what had happened she leapt through the cloud of spoke only to land face first onto the ground.

Had she entered the building a second earlier she would have made contact with Jon long enough to get transported back to the human world along with him

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!” Lyra moaned. “Horse apples!”

Episode 18 [Lyra & Bon Bon]: The mistake

There’s this feeling known to many in which one’s morning is dictated by their experience that previous night. In most cases it’s the backlash of doing something incredibly stupid and then having to live with the consequences. Such examples include anything from a one night stand, waking up in a stranger’s house and having to walk back home, or going to an all-night kegger and waking up feeling like someone is trying to get to your brain by operating two electrical drills through your temples.

In his old age, Jon didn’t experience this much. As a happily married man, he never found himself in such a scenario, between raising a family and producing his show he rarely found time to go to any parties; and when he did they were more social gatherings that warranted maybe two glasses of wine.

The only time he felt, for lack of a better term, like shit the next morning was when he was up late at night coming up with new material before going to bed or spending after hours in the office either setting up for the next show or doing some paper work of the same nature. So, historically speaking, his version of the “morning after effect” was predominantly work related. As was the case for this particular dreary morning when he found himself exhausted after his run around in Equestria courtesy of Twilight Sparkle.

Of course yesterday didn't start off as work related, he originally went to find his friend Trixie. It was only afterwards when he met up with Rarity that things went from personal to business. Jon wasn't surprised, work always found a way to sneak up on him.

His adventure into Equestria emotional roller coaster consisted of alley chases, forced spa treatments, dealing with Rarity, and having his find almost burnt off. All of which made him ache the next morning in a constant reminder that he wasn't as young as he used to be.

But the worst thing of all was something he didn't even realize he did. Something unexpected, unforeseen, and incredibly stupid. Something which his assistant Selina Jensen was quick to remind him of over and over again from the moment he set foot into his office.

“I tried to tell you,” she said to Jon who had his head buried into a pile of paperwork on his desk. “I knew something like this would happen but you didn’t listen.”

Out of all the staffers at Daily Show Headquarters, including Jon himself, the most mature and hardworking employee hands down was Selina. While Jon and the writers were the heart and soul of the show, Selina always made sure things ran smoothly and liked to micromanage different aspects of the show from the most important to the least thought of positions.

She didn’t like being on camera or even in the spotlight, she instead opted to work backstage and delegate in peace and quiet. She found this to be a most honorable employment for a woman her age... and yet she couldn't help but to continue rubbing it in Jon’s face that she was right and he was wrong.

“This is what happens when you don’t listen... I tried to tell you,” she reminded as she placed her trusty tablet on Jon’s desk to show him the headlines on their own ‘Daily Show’ website, which revealed who they were interviewing in only a matter of hours. “I tried to tell you.”

As if Jon was willing to actually look at her device he raised his head ever so slightly and then further like he was about to address his assistant. Instead however he just slumped his head back to his desk with a loud thud before picking himself back up to continue his cycle.

Selina just stood and watched as her boss was busily pounding his head over and over again against his table, occasionally stopping to let out a groaning noise then continuing.

“Like I said,” Selina sighed. “I tried to tell you.”

Since Jon was busy trying to find a way to help his friend Trixie during her stay in Equestria, other things like his own show were temporarily set aside in favor of being there for his friend. However, ask anyone at Daily Show Headquarters and they would tell you that it would take more than a friend in a hospital to keep Selina from doing her job.

It was because of this that while Jon was at the Ponyville spa he got the most troublesome phone call in the form of Selina asking him who was going to be on the show on this very day. At the time Jon didn’t care about his show let alone who would be appearing on it so he instructed his assistant to set up an open poll on their website where any fan could make a suggestion. Selina tried to tell him that this was a bad idea, but Jon wouldn’t listen, leaving her no other option than to do what he instructed.

As well as being a good assistant, Selina was also technologically savvy. She didn’t know how to make her own computer or anything to that degree, but she did know about social networks and the best way in which to utilize them. After some Facebook posts here and Tweets there she announced to the entire fan base of this very special edition of “Equestrian Interviews” or as she had dubbed it “voting edition.”

And the results were as she expected.

Within a few hours their website was flooded with fans of the show and then some; at one point the main site crashed and she needed one of the tech guys to fix it. When word got out that the next pony to be interviewed was up to them people were anxiously prepared to voice their opinions. Sometimes for the wrong reasons.

Since this poll was completely open for any suggestions as opposed to selecting from a pool of pre-selected names, there were as many cases of people abusing the poll with obvious ill intention as there were people who were taking it seriously; if not more.

Selina was on standby for the most part, having to endure the obvious fake suggestions that came more often than real ones it seemed. Since this was an open poll on the internet she was forced to get rid of highly recommended guests such as “Santa Claus” and “Penis.” The latter of which at one point was the third highest recommended option.

After some time had passed, and Selina weeded inappropriate answers from the serious ones, the poll started to shape into an actual legitimate ballot. Fans had either the option of making their own suggestion or vote on ones that had already been submitted for review but herein laid the major flaw in Jon’s plan, which Selina tried to warn him about. Since the poll was for the next Equestrian guest, a lot of fans didn’t know who to nominate.

This wasn’t like picking a human celebrity in that you could just type in your favorite actor or comedian. The poll was for ponies and other talking animals of which the audience knew as much about as thermonuclear engineering.

This meant that for the most part fans winged it and imputed suggestions like “Pony- Doctor” or “Pony journalist” as their answers with others thinking outside the box by suggesting mythological creatures like “Manticore” or “Golems.” But in the end the top five suggestions turned out to be ponies that had already been on the show once before, again most who participated didn’t know any other ponies and instead decided to try for a re-interview.

This would have been the case but in fact the most voted pony was one who had been on the show once before but at the same time not really; a complicated matter which when explained chilled Jon to his very soul.

Unbeknownst to Jon at the time he had unwittingly damned himself to a fate most cruel. Because at the end the top most voted pony to be interviewed on the show was none other than Lyra Heartstrings.

The reasoning behind this landslide victory, Selina suspected, was due to the fact that the last time she made an appearance on the show her segment was cut off before it could even begin in the form of Stephen Colbert cutting into her screen time to literally steal the show. Of course at the time she, as well as Jon, knew full well that the pony was in fact not Lyra but Queen Chrysalis in disguise.

While a royal decree meant that everyone in Equestria knew of Chrysalis’ attack on the show it wouldn't be till a little while later that the general human population were up to speed. For awhile some still believed that the entire thing was a charade but after a brief explanation during his interview with Luna, and several reiterations both on and off camera the general census was accepted that the Daily Show had been invaded.

But while a small few still believed the attack on Jon to be fake and most believed it to be real, one thing was not debatable; that being Lyra never got to finish her interview.

So to that end she was voted as the most wanted pony to be interviewed by many fans of the show who wanted this chapter of the show’s history to be finally put to rest and get the chance to have the real Lyra have her moment on screen. By the time Jon realized what he had done it was too late to do anything about it, it was out of his hands.

“Blurgherah!” Jon mumbled as Selina took Jon’s phone without permission to thumb through his contacts.

“Again, told you so,” she said as she found the person she was looking for. Queuing up the name, Selina gave Jon his phone back to do the honors. “You know what you have to do... tell Celestia you’re ready for your next guest.”

Leaning back in his chair, as if to get away from his phone, Jon arched himself so far that the view outside his window was upside down. His face looked to be a combination of stress, fatigue, and a hint of sadness. Were it anyone else they would have comforted him but Selina took this as an unwillingness on his part to go through with it, which didn’t sit well with her since it was also her job to make sure he did his job.

“Oh man up, Jon!” she said in an unconvincingly stern voice on the assumption that tough love would do the trick. “I know you don’t want to but we have a duty to uphold.”

Her words didn’t do much to lift Jon’s spirits, but instead just made him sink deeper into his chair.

“Come on Jon, I know you don’t want to go through with it and trust me Lyra isn’t my favorite pony either,” she said rubbing her elbow, the memory of Chrysalis disguised as Lyra still fresh in her mind and occasionally aching joints. “But this is something we have to do... so please call Celestia, if not for me then for your fans.”

The idea of calling Celestia right now seemed like too daunting a task for Jon to undertake, but not for the reasons that Selina assumed.

“Fine... I’ll call her,” Selina said, leaning in to grab his phone. “But I’m serious when I say you need to get over thi--”

In a quick and spastic motion, Jon lurched forward and grabbed his assistant by her wrist before she could so much as come within a few inches of his phone. Shocked by this she recoiled her hand with Jon loosening his grip to allow her some room, his once distressed face now a picture of solid indifference which only served to mask his true feelings.

Getting up from his seat, Jon placed both his hands atop his table and stood up, slightly hunched over and staring down at the paperwork he had yet to accomplish.

“You’re wrong,” Jon said.

“E-excuse me?” Selina asked.

“I don’t have any qualms about Lyra being on my show... in fact it doesn’t bother me one bit,” he revealed. “I’m no longer afraid of her.”

The same couldn’t be said for Selina herself but that’s not what had her momentarily fazed. From the moment Jon entered the office to this very moment he brought with him an aura of melancholy like a tiny raincloud had been following him around the entire time. Selina had been working under the assumption that this was due to his being forced to have Lyra on his show, his own short sightedness once again being his downfall.

But now she was forced to take both a literal and metaphorical step back and evaluate what this meant. Something other than his forced interview with the spirited Lyra was eating at him and Selina didn’t know what it was. And as anyone who knew her would tell you she hated being out of the loop.

“If... if that’s true then... then what’s gotten into you, Jon?” she asked. “You know me, I only know how to be direct, so please tell me... what’s wrong?”

Rather than answering, Jon walked to the opposite end of the table where he grabbed a piece of paper which was in close proximity to his actual paperwork. Selina noticed from where she was standing that this single sheet of paper was actually a scroll like object with a partially broken red seal like one would expect to find at the Vatican library.

She didn’t recognize it but using inference, and taking into consideration his line of work, she gathered that it was some kind of message from Equestria. Thrusting his arm like a footballer, Jon shoved the parchment into Selina’s hands while at the same time making his way to the door.

Not being a fan of asking stupid questions, Selina narrowed her eyes and brought the delicate piece of paper close to her face while making sure to not wrinkle or tear into it; though the way Jon had shoved it practically in her stomach had crumpled the rest of the seal onto the floor.

Selina was a gifted speed reader, so by the time Jon had reached the door of his office she had already finished scanning over the entire notice twice to make sure what she was reading was true. The content wasn’t much, but the message was very clear which made Selina gasp in surprise and place a now shaking hand over her mouth as if to stop herself from saying anything else.

“J-Jon... I’m... I’m so sorry,” she said, feeling guilty about her previous boasting. “If I had... had I known I wouldn’t have said anyth--”

“It’s alright Selina,” he said, opening the door to the rest of the building. “I just need some time to process this.”

“If you want... we could cancel today’s show,” she offered. “Everyone here would understand completely and as for your fans well... I’m sure if we just play a prerecorded interview they’ll--”

“No; not an option,” he interrupted, now standing at the threshold of his office. “The fans voted and I made a promise... this is going to happen.”

“I see,” she said, taking one last look at the letter. “But what about... this?”

Looking at her outstretched arm, Jon could clearly see the letter he got from Canterlot Castle, official seal and all. He couldn't read it from this far away but by now he had looked over it so many times its words were forever etched into his mind.

“I’ll be okay,” Jon said as he walked away towards the main stage. “At least... I hope I will.”

Episode 18 [Lyra & Bon Bon]: Please welcome to the show Lyra & Bon Bon

Episode 18 [Lyra & Bon Bon]: Please welcome to the show Lyra & Bon Bon

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Lyra and Bon Bon
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The interview with Lyra and Bon Bon would be looked at by Jon as one with a load of firsts. It was the first time he interviewed two ponies at once, it was the first time he ever had his audience vote on who he would interview, and it was the first time he had a pony come back again for a re-interview (technically).

Because of this the good staff and crew of Daily Show headquarters were struggling to make sure that everything went right with this most special of episodes. In actuality however most found themselves having to work in a frenzied scramble because it was the only way to keep up with Lyra Heartstrings who finally got her wish by visiting the human world that was once thought to be only a myth.

Some staffers wondered why Jon didn’t meet his guests in person when they arrived as he normally did. His not wanting to make a good first impression was soon understood by all the second Lyra and Bon Bon first made contact.

The second she touched down Lyra immediately sprinted forth and tackled the first human she saw, asking so many questions it looked as if she would collapse from lack of oxygen. Her apparent guardian, later revealed to be girlfriend, Bon Bon tried to calm her down and behave herself but once she saw more humans and the strange devices they were operating she ran straight into the main studio with many staffers trying to catch her like a greased up pig.

Fearing that she may injure herself (like last time) Selina instead elected to stay behind in the dressing room to explain to Bon Bon how things worked around here and what was expected of both parties. After a few minutes of conversation she deduced that this quirky sounding Earthpony was the more mature of the two and decided to stay with her for the remainder of the day; she much preferred her company.

Jon all but knew this would happen, he wouldn't go as far as saying ponies were predictable but their social behavior was fairly easy to anticipate which was just a nice way of saying they’re borderline one dimensional. Taking this into consideration, Jon purposely made himself scarce that afternoon by not actually being inside the building but instead heading around the corner to get some lunch. By the time he returned Lyra had scouted, against the advice of many humans, the entire studio and was already exhausted beyond imagination.

This was also done for a calculated reason. As a parent and owner of a pet Jon knew that the best way to handle a hyperactive animal was to tire them out first. When he finally revealed himself to Lyra, who at this point had used up all her energy trying to find him, he found that she was about as threatening as guard dog with no teeth. This became evident when she attempted to blitzkrieg Jon in the same manner as when they first met only to have her bounce off his stomach.

More than anything, this showed Jon just how harmless she really was and that his fear of her was mostly unfounded. Still, that alone didn’t stop him from having Selina drive her and Bon Bon around the city for a few hours just so he could get some work done uninterrupted. The rule was while in the car no one could leave, a wise policy since Lyra would have a tried to jump the first hotdog vender she saw.

So for the time being Jon stayed to make phone calls both personal and professional and do some paper work before being called off for rehearsals. After that it was only a few hours before the actual show began with the usual first and second segment coming and going thus making way for the main event.

After two thirds of the show had concluded both Jon and his fanbase were in the right mood to have yet another installment of “Equestrian Interviews.” The telltale sign that the interview was now fast approaching was by the fact that upon the return from the commercial break the first thing shown was the same stock footage of the Manhattan streets before zooming out to see the Daily Show logo appear then leave in favor of the camera zooming in on Jon as he played with the papers on his desk.

He didn’t address the audience right away as it would be pointless with them cheering so loudly that the audio guys upstairs had to adjust the volume output so it didn’t blare too loudly for those watching on their televisions.

So in the mean time Jon spun his blue sheets of paper against the surface of his desk while at the same time bobbing back and forth like he was listening to music. After a few seconds he finally spoke while point towards the camera, accidently sending some loose notes to the ground.

“Hey welcome back everybody, our guests tonight! Ooooh we’ve got a very, very... very, very, very special one for you guys this time,” Jon said as he gleefully rubbed his hands together. “They are an interracial couple from the town of Ponyville as well as your top voted guests for tonight’s show with many strong ties to the pony community.”

“I’m going to tell you right now, it is impossible for a human to make that face,” Jon said, sounding like he knew from experience. “Please welcome to the show Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon!”

With the standard intro music blaring at a sensible enough volume, where it didn’t cause unnecessary feedback but was still loud enough to be heard by all, it was still difficult to hear over the roar of the audience as they eagerly awaited the guests of the night.

The first to show herself was an unfamiliar cream colored Earthpony with purple and pink streaked hair which curled at the ends and a cutie mark that seemed to depict pieces of candy. No one but Jon recognized her and based on her demeanour it seemed like she did not want to be there. Her face was scrunched, her lips were pressed, and her brow was narrowed like she was embarrassed to be on stage which Jon would have understood since it was her first time in the human world.

But it wasn’t until her mate followed not so close behind her that Jon understood her unease with the situation.

With awkward steps, Lyra finally revealed herself to the audience which caused them to both raise their cheering in volume and laugh with joyous glee. Upon her arrival it could be seen by all that, while Bon Bon came to the show in typical pony fashion, Lyra had at one point been decked out with all manner of cosmetic apparel.

On her head she wore a brightly colored drinking hat, which completely covered her white and cyan streaked hair, that housed a can of soda in both compartments and a pair of glasses which if Jon was more knowledge of the subject would know are called “stunna shades.” Her light seafoam green body was mostly covered by an oversized white t-shirt that had “I love New York” blazed across it with a heart replacing the corresponding word. She wore a loose pair of cargo shorts which looked like they would slip off at any moment and finally both her front hooves were covered by giant foam fingers which read “Mets #1” on them.

About the only thing sensible about her attire was a woven saddle bag that draped over her back.

It was usually around this time that Jon would have walked out to the center of the stage to greet them but he was unable to even move from his seat as he was too busy laughing hysterically just off camera. Bon Bon saw this which only deepened her embarrassment, but Lyra didn’t notice as she was too busy waving to the guests while fighting off a powerful urge to run up to a camera guy to ask what he was doing.

The height of Bon Bon’s discomfort for her predicament occurred when Lyra flopped on her back to wave her hooves in the air like a child throwing a tantrum but in fact did so to show off her novelty hands. Instead of trying to get her to act her age she simply ran up to Jon’s desk where she said her hellos and planted herself on one of the two empty chairs that was provided. From there the two waited for Lyra to finish her routine and join them which she did once she was silently told off screen by staff members to move on.

Eventually she did join her girlfriend and host by sitting on the chair next to her and before Jon could even began he waited a few seconds for the crowd to settle down. It was during this moment that Jon noticed something very interesting about his heavily accessories friend, that being that while most ponies either stood in their seat or sat down properly, as an equine would, Lyra took to sitting on her flank with her hind legs dangling over like a human.

He thought it odd but at the same time quickly dismissed it as it was now time for the actual interview to commence.

“It’s good to... it’s good to have you girls here!” Jon said over the crowd, now turning his attention to Lyra. “It look like... uh, it looks like you had fun exploring the city!”

Using his finger he motioned to her many odd looking souvenirs that were scatter around her person like she dove head first into a box of tourist clothing.

“It was so awesome!” Lyra exclaimed while lunging forward like she was going to pounce. “That nice lady... uh what her name again?” The way she asked her question it wasn’t directed at Jon but rather at anyone who could hear her.

Quick on her feet Bon Bon the one who answered.

“Selina.” Bon Bon sighed. “The woman that escorted us around is named is Selina!”

“Oh yeah that’s right... that’s a weird name,” Lyra said more used to hearing names that gave away a pony’s occupation or characteristic.

“Lyra, don’t say that about our chaperone! It’s rude!” She scolded.

“Oh right... sorry,” Lyra said sticking her tongue out and rubbing the back of her head. “When I see her next I’ll let her make fun of me so we’ll be even.”

“That’s not the point,” Bon Bon explained while tugging on her shirt to get her to sit back down. Turning now she went to address the host for the first time. “Your assistant was very nice, thank you very much for having her take us around the city.”

“It’s quite alright, no need to... to worry-- SO what did you girls end up doing for your first trip in the big apple?” Jon asked. It looked like Bon Bon was about to respond when Lyra, once again, launched forth to answer.

“We did all kinds of things! Like, like, like, like we saw a tall building! And we got some food I’ve never seen before called a hotdog, and Selina bought me all these cool human clothes!” Lyra said so fast it was hard to understand. “OH, OH, OH, OH and we even saw another pony BUT he was being ridden on by a human police person... WHAT’S UP WITH WHAT!?”

Her answer came and went like an explosion, leaving Jon unable to respond since she was practically standing on the desk like doing so would show how serious she was. Thankfully Bon Bon was there to fill the void left by her mate.

“She took us out to lunch,” Bon Bon answered in a quiet and slow tone before grabbing her drink. The juxtaposition between their answered made the audience laugh with Jon thinking that perhaps it wasn’t so bad that Lyra’s better half also attended this time.

“Well I’m glad... you two had fun,” Jon could only say.

“Yes we very much did,” Bon Bon responded. “In fact we--”

“Oh, oh, question, QUESTION!” Lyra interrupted, waving her foam finger in the air which caused a brave Mets fan in the audience to briefly holler.

“Yes, Lyra,” Jon said like a patient teacher.

“Have you ever heard of a place called ‘Starbucks?’” she asked. Jon didn’t answer right away but rather allowed the question to float for a bit so those who heard it could chuckle.

“I’ve... I’ve heard of this place yes,” he answered. “Why do you ask?”

“Because when Selina took us out I saw them like... everywhere!” Lyra commented. “What is that place!”

“Weeeeell... what do you think it is?” Jon rebuttled. Catching her by surprise, Lyra looked at her Earthpony friend who looked back and just gave her a shrug, she was just as in the dark as she was.

“Uuuuuh... let’s see ‘Star’.... ‘Bucks’....” Lyra listed, her mind hard at work to decipher this code. “Is it... is it a place where you kick celebrities and that’s why you know about it.”

The crowd couldn't help but laugh at her childish sense of reasoning at play. Jon thought it adorable which is why he decided to play along just for the sake of comedy.

“That’s exactly what it’s for,” Jon commented.

“Really!?” Both mares exclaimed with Bon Bon looking highly skeptical while Lyra looking like the Websters’ picture for excited.

“It’s true... been around since the late 70’s,” Jon lied. “The way it works is... the more popular the uh... the, the, celebrity the more money you have to spend to kick them. People like... people like Samuel Jackson or Will Smith cost thousands upon thousands of dollars to kick... while those like Jonah Hill... aaaa bit less.”

“That sounds awfu--” Bon Bon tried to say before being cut off.

“THAT SOUNDS AWESOME!” Lyra interrupted, her eyes practically gleaming. “How much would it cost to kick somepony like you?”

Thinking for a second that, by his own logic, one’s popularity would dictate the cost, Jon purposely didn’t answer for a second while sporting a face of disappointment for comedic effect.

I’d uh... I’d rather not saaaaaay OKAY THEN NEW TOPIC! Now before we uh... before we go any further I think... I just want to address how uncommon... all of this is,” Jon said. “You see... we don’t usually have two guests at... at once-- I mean it happens don’t get me wrong but it’s rare and usually reserved for people like Bill and Melinda Gates. So what I’m saying here is... convince me this wasn’t a bad idea convince me that... I mean what have you guys done to enrich your community or what have you done to... t-to help the needy.”

Looking at each other then back at Jon both ponies took a second to think about the good they have done. The act more than anything made those in attendance laugh which Jon silently waving at them to settle down so they could answer.

“Weeeell...” Bon Bon began, her voice drawn out and somewhat squeaky sounding. “I once donated money to charity.”

“Yeah and I once gave money to somepony called Charity!” Lyra added. Hearing this caused all humans to chuckle but only made her girlfriend take notice.

“You mean Charity Springs?” Bon Bon asked. “No, you didn’t. You still owe her 20 bits.”

“Shhhhh don’t remind her!” Lyra exclaimed. “She might be watching!”

It was rare for Jon to be laughing at the antics of his guest this early in the interview which was his way of knowing this was going to be a doozy of a segment. He made a mental note to watch out for Lyra.

“Yes well... again thank you girls for being here because... again I just want to make clear that... that, that, that this interview completely different than anything we’ve done here before,” Jon reminded while making hand movements like he was karate chopping his desk. “As well as being the first pony duo on my show this is the first time we’ve had the fan base vote on a guest.”

Before the guests in question had a chance to respond to this the audience gave them a round of applause which Bon Bon might have taken a moment to enjoy had Lyra not used her as leverage to hoist herself up and wave back to them.

“See Bon Bon!?” Lyra bragged. “Everypony here loves me! Told you they would!”

“I didn’t... okay so maybe I thought they’d hate you but I was only keeping your feelings in mind.” Bon Bon countered.

“Well you don’t have to all the time!” Lyra said. “I’m a big mare now.”

“Wow, what’s uh, what’s all this?” Jon asked, addressing more Bon Bon than Lyra. “Bon Bon, you thought we would hate Lyra?”

Before actually working up the nerve to explain herself the slightly now nervous Earthpony took stock and noticed that a large amount of people were not looking at her.

“No it’s just... well Jon... as you know the last time Lyra was... technically here things got a bit out of hoof,” Bon Bon answered, making past references to when Queen Chrysalis attacked the show. “When we were told that... your audience voted her to come back I was against the idea because I thought folks would still be mad at her.”

“Speaking of which... uh, this uh... this may be too late to be bringing up but to those listening... we had a contest to see who would appear on my show next. That was-- it was an open polling system and Lyra here won,” Jon explained, pausing to let the audience applause for a bit. After he was done he shifted slightly to once again address Bon Bon. “But that was just for Lyra so... the question right now is... who are you?”

The audience as well as Lyra laughed while Bon Bon shifted in her seat and cleared her throat.

“Well you’ve already said but... my name is Bon Bon,” she introduced. “And I’m Lyra’s roommate and girlfriend.” Same sex marriage wasn’t an issue in Equestria so for a while she would be confused as to why the audience applauded her being so open about her sexuality.

“And I’m Lyra!” the cyan Unicorn announced.

“They already know that,” Bon Bon added.

“I know but I just wanted to say something too,” Lyra rebutted.

Jon was glad that this was the real Lyra rather than another Changeling in disguise. Otherwise her quirky personality would have more love than she could handle from those watching the show.

“So... you’re a couple....a-and you live together, that’s-- you know that’s a big step in any relationship,“ Jon commented. “How long have you two been together?”

“We’ve been friends since we were like... four!” Lyra proudly announced.

“We’ve also been dating for almost eight years,” Bon Bon added. “And living together for five.”

“Well congratulations,” Jon said, quickly continuing to cut off the audience’s applause.

“And uh... I hope you don’t mind me asking but I’ve always had this idea that... that Equestria is perfect so I have to ask- do you guys... you know... ever get your chops busted for about your relationship?”

“Busted chops?” Lyra said while confusingly looking at her hind legs.

“You mean do we ever face prejudice for our different form of love?” Bon Bon ascertained.

“Yes! Exactly!” Jon said.

“Not really, Equestria is a pretty tolerant place,” Bon Bon answered.

“But there are dummies out there!” Lyra scoffed. “Like mom and dad.”

“Yes... I’m afraid there are some ponies, such as our parents, who do not approve our our relationship,” Bon Bon added.

“You mean because you’re both mares?” Jon asked, which seemed to completely catch his guests off guard.

“What? N-no,” Bon Bon said. “My parents don’t like the fact that I live with a pony who isn’t a part of their business and Lyra’s parents... to be frank, are hippies who think I’m too uptight .”

“Who would care about gender when it comes to couples?” Lyra asked, which made Jon bury his face into his hands in envy at how near perfect Equestria was.

“Okay nevermind!” Jon said. “Let’s uh... let’s go back a bit soooo...Wha--what’s it like living together after knowing each other so many years?”

With a smile, Bon Bon attempted to answer before getting beaten to it by Lyra.

“Eh, it’s alright,” Lyra quickly answered before her mate could.

“Lyra! How could you say that!?” Bon Bon said.

“I’m just teasing!” Lyra snickered as she turned to face Jon. “Really, really, it’s great... although she can be a little bossy sometimes.”

“Lyra! You’re being rude again!” Bon Bon scolded.

“I’m just saying! Like okay, did you know that at first she didn’t want me to go on your show at all!” Lyra revealed to Jon. “She thought I would get hurt or that people wouldn't like me. And then she said I could go but only if she came along to keep an eye on me.”

“Oh well... see, that’s... that’s nice of her,” Jon addressed to try and defuse the situation. “It’s uh... it’s good to know you have someone who looks after you.”

“I gueeeeess,” Lyra moaned which made the audience chuckle. “But sometimes I feel like she’s smothering me.”

“Lyra, I just care about you!” Bon Bon said. “If I’m not around you get into all kinds of trouble... been that way ever since we were fillies.”

“Hey! I can look after myself,” Lyra retaliated while striking a poetic looking pose to assert her authority. An act that was undermined as she was saluting with her foam finger.

“Oh really? Remember the milk incident,” Bon Bon reminded, which made Lyra almost fall out of her seat.

“What milk incident?” Jon asked.

“I uh... I-I-I don’t think now’s a good time to be talking about the milk incident!” Lyra suggested, but it was too late, Bon Bon was already in the middle of her explanation.

“Back when we first moved in together she thought she was lactose intolerant for the first week because every time she drank milk she got sick,” Bon Bon explained while Lyra tried to hide her blushing face behind her foam fingers. “Turns out she got sick because the milk carton was left behind by the previous owner and was a few months passed the expiration date.”

Leaning forward only to jolt back violently, Jon began to laugh without any regard to how embarrassed his guest was. Bon Bon herself didn’t even crack a smile but Lyra still looked at her with annoyed eyes for sharing that story.

“Hey! It was an honest mistake!” Lyra exclaimed. “The milk label clearly said it was good for another 30 years!”

“Lyra, that was obviously a typo!” Bon Bon said. “There’s no way milk can stay fresh for that long!”

“W-well... you don’t know that for sure!” Lyra countered. “I mean... since when did you become and expert on milk!? Who understands that stuff anyway!? If I buy a carton that says only 2% milk than what's the other 96%!? Besides, the last time I threw away a bottle that had expired you yelled at me!”

“That’s because it was my 30-year-old bottle of wine!” Bon Bon yelled back.

“You know... it’s uh, not my policy to give advice to other couples,” Jon said, choosing his words very carefully. “But... I think I’m going to side on Bon Bon on this one... you keep on an eye on this one.”

“Heeeeey!” Lyra moaned as the crowd laughed at her yet again.

“Lyra, you see? Even Jon thinks you’re irresponsible,” Bon Bon said.

“Hey wow... I didn’t say that,” Jon defended himself.

“Trust me Jon, you don’t know her like I do,” Bon Bon added. “She can be a real trouble maker.”

“Am not!” Lyra shot back.

“Do I need to tell him about the funeral story?” Bon Bon asked. The second she asked her question the entire studio went silent with only the hum of either a camera or monitor to fill the void left by her inquiry. Soon after however the sound of laughter from the audiences echoed far and wide by sight of Lyra ignoring her mate’s question and helping herself to a sip of her water.

“Please... enlighten us,” Jon said with a slow sweep of his hand.

“A few years ago my uncle passed away and I went to his funeral,” Bon Bon explained. “It was my first time going to one and I was nervous so I had Lyra come with me.”

“Oh I love where this is going!” Jon commented. “Continue.”

“Yes well... I told Lyra how scared I was so she used her magic to try and calm me down,” Bon Bon continued. “It was supposed to be a relaxing spell administered to my head which would have made me less tense.”

“Did it work?” Jon asked.

“In a way... yes it did,” Bon Bon answered before looking over at Lyra who was innocently playing with her hair. “It was actually a hallucinogenic spell that some Unicorns use to... take the edge off.”

“She got you high!?” Jon blurted so suddenly that both guests jumped in their seats. “O-on... during your Uncle’s funeral.”

“I SAID I WAS SORRY!” Lyra yelled out of leftover reflex.

“I ended up being more nervous than before!” Bon Bon added. “I was so on edge I... I was terrified that I would do something to alienate my entire family.”

“Well did it-- did you make through the burial?” Jon asked.

“Barely but yes... I made it through without making a complete fool of myself. But it was so... so difficult. The spell had me seeing things and doing things I wouldn’t normally do.” Bon Bon shook her head, the events of that day still clear in her head. “At one point I was literally talking to my dead uncle in his casket!”

“Well to be fair that’s not so strange,” Jon interjected. “I’ve seen people talk to headstones for comfort.”

“Y-yeah Bon Bon he’s right!” Lyra added. “Everypony does it!”

“Yeah... but he was talking back to me!” Bon Bon huffed. Again Jon found himself laughing harder than he should have been to the point where he had to briefly stand up and walk a few paces before returning to his seat.

Out of embarrassment Lyra hid herself from the audience, who were also in the throes of laughter, by hiding behind Bon Bon who unfazed but still sported a nervous smile for the situation.

“Okay I... I-- Geez!” Jon tried to continued only to burst out laughing again. “I can see why you didn’t want her to come back here on her own.”

“Yes exactly my point!” Bon Bon agreed. “Not after last time she came here... when I found out that the Lyra who was on TV the first time was really Chrysalis I... I was so scared, Jon.”

“Yeah, that day sucked,” Lyra added. “I was just minding my own business and then wham! A changeling goon cheap shotted me and stuck me one of their cocoon sleeping bags... totally nasty.”

Both Bon Bon and Jon shuttered at the thought.

“Lyra, don’t say that!” Bon Bon scolded. “I don’t ever want to think about something so gruesome.” Carefully, though with a quick lunge, Bon Bon reached over to wrap her hoof around Lyra to tuck her in.

Although appreciative, Lyra didn’t like being literally smothered.

“Oh you worry too much, babe!” Lyra said, breaking free. “I’m totally fine now.”

“Yes but what if something were to happen to you!” Bon Bon blurted out, her voice starting to waver. “What would I do if you’re ever gone?”

“Doooon’t worry I’ll always be here for you!” Lyra assured her before giving her a quick hug.

“You better!” Bon Bon said. “I just don’t want you getting hurt like last time.”

“Last time?” Jon asked.

“Oh right... this wasn’t the first time Lyra got herself into trouble with Queen Chrysalis,” Bon Bon answered in a low and annoyed tone.

“Yeah! This one time Chrysalis invaded Canterlot during the royal wedding and she hypnotized me, one of the bridesmaids, to do her dirty work!” Lyra said in an almost proud sounding voice.

“You should probably stop hanging around that woman,” Jon said, causing the crowd to chuckle. “She’s definitely a bad influence on you.”

Despite Jon being completely serious, his words had enough of a comedic punch in them that the audience felt the need to laugh. Before continuing both Bon Bon and Jon adjusted themselves in their seats with Lyra still preferring to sit awkwardly on her rump.

“Hey, I’m not a little kid!” Lyra shot back while still struggling in her seat. “I know not to talk to strangers.”

“All I’m saying is there are those who care about you,” Jon said turning ever so slightly to look at Bon Bon. “Some more than others.”

“No need!” Lyra said now completely breaking free. “I can handle things myself.”

“Oh really?” Jon said. “Well then you... okay how about this... what is the most mature-- what’s the most responsible thing you’ve done as of late?”

“The most mature thing I’ve done recently?” she echoed.

“Yes,” Jon replied. Drumming her hooves on the table and trying her best to hold back a smile, Lyra slowly turned to face Bon Bon who reacted with a confused look as if to ask ‘what are you looking at?’

With an answer fresh in her mind Lyra turned once again to Jon.

“The most mature thing I’ve done lately,” she repeated after clearing her throat then nudging her head to the side. “Bon Bon.”

It took a couple of seconds for those watching to understand her answer. It took Jon and Bon Bon even longer but once they did they reacted with a wealth of emotions. Jon’s face began to turn red from lack of oxygen as he was laughing while Bon Bon’s face bore a similar shade of color out of embarrassment.

Similarly, Jon began to lightly pound at the table in reflex while Lyra endured getting a light pummeling from her mate who did so from pure embarrassment.

“Lyra, you’re so embarrassing!” Bon Bon scolded with the playful unicorn not responding except for sticking her tongue out in defiance, forcing Jon to play referee.

“Okay, okay enough... enough talk about...such things let’s uh... let’s-- I want to get to know you two a little better,” Jon said after his bout of laughter, suddenly reminding himself that although he had met these two before he still knew very little about them. “Like uh....uh, Bon Bon... where-- what do you do for a living?”

Hearing this made the flustered Earth pony stop her assault and Lyra snort to herself like she going to laugh again which made Bon Bon in return give her a quick glare before answering.

“Well... I... actually I’m sort of.... at the moment I’ve halted previous connection with any and all former employers and I’ve instead opted to take up a self managing position with specific self subsidized projects, ” she answered nervously while fiddling with her hooves. “I’m currently also open for future endeavors including but not limited to foundations both local and foreign ranging from entry level to higher pay positions.”

As if shots were fired and those watching were trying to ascertain where they came from, the entire studio became dead silent, the only sound to be heard being Lyra’s chair squeaking as she slowly leaned forward.

“She’s unemployed,” Lyra said, breaking the silence.

This time it was Bon Bon attempting to hide her blushing face, though she didn’t have the advantage that were novelty foam fingers. Being the gentleman that he was Jon allowed her time to regain her composure, but really he just wanted to even things out by allowing the crowd to laugh at her for once.

“Is this true Bon Bon?” Jon asked.

“Y-yes, I’m between jobs,” she sulkily admitted.

“Weeeell I-- hey don’t sound so down!” Jon said. “There’s no shame in temporary unemployment, happens to the best of us.”

“I know it’s just... I’m supposed to be the responsible one,” Bon Bon answered.

“Heeeeeey!” Lyra said. “When you say it like that it sounds like you're saying I’m not responsible at at all.” Seeing that she was serious Bon Bon felt as if her point was just made.

“Like I said... I’m supposed to be the responsible one,” she repeated.

“Hey!” Lyra shouted.

“Well what a... who did-- what was your previous job?” Jon asked, ignoring Lyra’s pleads for attention. “What did you do before unemployment?”

“Weeeell... technically my last job wasn’t a full time thing but rather I freelanced for a bit.” Bon Bon answered.

“Oh? Doing what?” Jon asked.

“Voice acting,” Bon Bon answered. “I’m a voice actor.”

“I... really?” Jon said in a confused tone that made a few audience members chuckle. “I uh... I didn’t see that coming.”

“Oh it’s no surprise back home, Jon,” Bon Bon continued. “I’ve had several different jobs, but all the while I’ve always maintained my portfolio as a voice actress as my main profession. Everything else is just part time employment to help me get by.”

“Wait so... s-so is uh... is voice acting... your special talent?” Jon asked.

“You bet it is!” Lyra answered on her behalf. “And she’s great at it too!”

“Lyra, he was asking me not you,” Bon Bon scolded. “Don’t butt in like that, it’s rude.”

“Tee hee, you said ‘butt!’” Lyra chuckled which made Bon Bon roll her eyes and sigh.

“If you’re that good.... how about a demonstration?” Jon asked.

“Yeah Bon Bon! Show ‘em!” Lyra encouraged, though it was unnecessary since she had already made her mind, or rather the crowd did for her by their incessant cheering.

“Okay, okay I’ll do it!” Bon Bon finally said, her voice quivering since Lyra was rocking her back and forth till she agreed. With a quick gulp of air she looked like she was concentrating on maintaining a new voice but really was just waiting for the crowd to calm down so everyone could hear her. To help Jon gestured with his hand and shushed them with his finger till there was nothing but silence. And then she spoke.

“How’s this sound?” Bon Bon said, picking a random tone from a commercial she once voiced, which was a seductive sounding tone, completely different from her previous squeaky sounding voice which sounded like she was constantly nagging

“Hey, not bad!” Jon said as both he and the audience applauded. A part of him didn’t fully believe her claims but he was soon proven wrong. In addition this suddenly change of character reminded him of when he first met her compared to the here and now. He didn’t notice at first but her voice did sound different in both instances. “That’s really impressive.”

“Oh stop Jon!” Bon Bon said, her face once again red.

“You know I uh... I’m kinda known for my voice acting skills too,” Jon said before leaning over and sporting the smuggest facial expression he could find. “Hey uh, let me tell ya something... you and me... we rule this town!” Although his skills weren’t exactly on par, Bon Bon showed respect by returning the compliment with an applause of her own.

“Very good! That’s your New Yorker accent isn’t it?” Bon Bon asked but had no intention of waiting for an answer since she was already shifting gears to give it a try herself. “Youse guys bettah not show ya mugs in my toif again... unless ya wanna little bittah dis, you know what I’m saying!?”

“Jesus you’re good!” Jon was forced to admit, slightly disturbed by how well she could could sound like someone straight out of SoHo without even trying. “That’s... that’s even better than me-- Wow, you’re amazing!”

“Told you she was!” Lyra proudly announced

“I have to admit I uh... I-I-I didn’t think your special talent was... well this,” Jon continued. “I have to admit I... I just thought you worked in a candy factory or something... I mean uh... you know... cause of the name.”

“Oh that in itself is a long, looong story.” Bon Bon sighed. “Short version is my family actually own a large chain of candy stores along the west coast. I come from a long line of confectionary talent... that’s why my parents named me ‘Bon Bon’ because they thought I’d work the family business.”

“Have you ever worked in candy?” Jon asked.

“A few times back when I lived at home but I didn’t like it,” Bon Bon admitted. “My true passion was voice acting and that’s why I have to take so many odd jobs, because my family won’t help support me unless I work for them. I love them but I can’t work in a career I have no passion in... it broke their heart when I moved away to live on my own as a voice actress.”

“W-wait I’m confused about something... if... if your special isn’t candy then... uh, why is your cutie mark candy pieces?” Jon asked. Both guests and the audience quickly glanced over to her flank which made her blush slightly.

“Oh this?” Bon Bon said, raising her flank slightly. “These aren’t candies, they’re cough drops. You see I practice different voices almost every day, and after awhile it gets hard on the throat so sometimes I have to take a throat lozenge to help me through the day.”

“I... huh,” Jon said. “I had no idea.”

“I get this a lot, ponies always think their actual bon bons,” she said. “But trust me I love being a voice actor.”

“Would you say that... I mean like you said you’ve done many part time jobs before,” Jon reminded. “So would you say that being this-- being a voice actress the most rewarding... job you’ve ever had?”

“Oh most definitely and believe me I’ve had a lot of part time jobs in the past,” Bon Bon answered. “I’ve gotten a lot experience from my other part time endeavors but I’ve never been happier as when I’m in a soundproof booth reading off lines for whatever commercial or show I can get.”

“Aside from doing part time jobs to help... to fund your voice acting career do find that working these odd jobs help you build your... y-y-you’re repertoire of voices?” Jon asked. “Like maybe you can get a job on a farm so you build up the a more... extensive range of southern accents.”

Usually quick on her hooves Bon Bon now found herself slightly tilting her head to the side, as if doing so could help her think. Her gaze went skyward as she recalled some of her past work around Ponyville as well as other cities when she was younger. A look of enlightenment soon spread across her face as she began to nod to herself in agreement.

“Yeah... you know I never thought about it like that but you’re right!” she answered. “I have picked up a few habits from my past jobs... and not just voices either!”

“It’s true,” Lyra sighed. “She always brings back something from work and sometimes it get’s annoying.”

“Really?” Jon said. “Such as?”

“Well... off of the top of my head I once helped this restaurant with their garden,” Bon Bon answered. “This local diner grew all their food themselves so I helped take care of their fruit and vegetables- as a result me and Lyra now have our own garden bed... though I’m the only one who waters or plants the seeds.”

“Hey, you’re the one that wanted to go all organic, not me,” Lyra said in an uncaring voice before remembering something else. “Oh, oh, tell ‘em about your workout routine.”

“Oh right, um, it’s nothing special but... at one point I even got a job as a physical trainer,” Bon Bon said. “I used to help ponies exercise at the local gym and now I have my own training regimen!”

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Lyra doesn’t join in any of these workout routines,” Jon guessed.

“Nope!” Lyra proudly as she stretched her front hooves behind her head in an arched position.

“You really should ya know?” Bon Bon said. “Otherwise you’ll get fat.”

“If that does happen will you stop loving me?” Lyra asked still in a relaxed pose

“Well no, I suppose I won't,” Bon Bon answered. “Though that doesn’t me you shouldn't--”

“Then I have nothing to worry about!” Lyra interrupted. “Bring on the endless flow of potato chips and chocolate milk!”

The crowd encouraged her bad behavior with a flow of laughter and some applause from some attendees. And while Bon Bon shook her head in disappointment Jon marveled at Lyra like this was his first time seeing her.

“I see so much of myself in you right now,” Jon commented as he shook his head in disbelief.

“Anyways!” Bon Bon interjected over the continued laughter of the audience. “My personal workout routine, which I do every morning, consists of 100 crunches, a couple of standing postures to build balance, and several reps with 20 pound dumbbells before running two laps around ponyville; three laps if it’s a weekend.”

“I uh... I did a push up once,” Jon tried to brag which only made the audience laugh once again, this time squarely at him.

“Afterwards I come home and jog in place till I’m too tired to continue, my best time is 32 minutes before I collapse,” Bon Bon revealed. “This is the only time Lyra actually helps me; in this case by timing me.”

“Yeah, I like watching her do that because it looks like she really has to pee,” Lyra snickered.

“But... like I said before despite all the jobs I’ve ever had I always find myself coming back to voice acting, it’s my calling.” Bon Bon continued ignoring Lyra’s teasing. “Aaahhhh if only my parents knew who I’d grow up to be. Going from job to job, shacked up with a Unicorn, not taking over the family business... speaking of my mom and dad, they still try to convince me that my cutie mark does represent candy and that I should give up my dream to work for them... they’ll never change.”

“Wow...torn-- torn between your family and their incredible wealth and living a life of financial uncertainty for the one you love and the career you love... this is some HBO level shit we got goin on here!” Jon jested not knowing that Equestria didn’t get HBO. “How bout you Lyra?”

At this point hearing her name made her jump as she was too busy admiring her girlfriend to be paying any kind of attention.

“Huh, wh-what about me?” Lyra said.

“What’s your special talent? Let me guess your cutie mark meeeeaaaans... that yooooou... are into space travel!” Jon stated in a overly dramatic tone. “Because ‘lyra’ is a constellation and you have... dreams to go into space to map out the heavens and discover... new alien life on other planets and to see where and when our ever expanding universe ends in a life long attempt to unravel the mysterious the that dark voice we know as space!”

Unsure of where to go from here Lyra just looked at her cutie mark and found herself thinking of a proper way to respond. In truth she never really thought about any of the things that Jon had said and was mostly confused about how anyone could misconstrue her identify.

Nevertheless she answered earnestly.

“Uuuuh, no... nothing like that.” Lyra shrugged. “I just like playing the Lyre.”

During his bout of wild assumption Jon had posed himself in a dramatic pose like he was trying to reach for the stars and now found himself feeling stupid as he was now forced to lower his arms to a chorus of audience members now laughing at him.

“You mean... that tiny harp like instrument.” Jon asked.

“Yep... why do you think my name is Lyra.” She asked which made Jon just slap his forehead, now feeling even more stupid.

“Uh yeah, you’re... nevermind.” Jon grumpled as he rubbed that same palm down his face. “Okay so... you’d think playing a string based instrument would be easier if you had fingers.”

The mere mention made Lyra’s eyes light up and a smile appear on her face with the exact opposite effect being applies to Bon Bon who sunked in her seat and punched her eyes shut with her hoof.

“Oh lord, here we go.” Bon Bon moaned. Jon was momentarily distracted by his Earthpony guests verbal discomfort to the point where he missed a now starey eyes Lyra jumping up on the table, neck stretch out like she was about to headbutt him.

“I KNOW RIGHT!” She yelled which made Jon flinch so violently the mic on his collar picked up the sound. “I’ve always said that if I had... t-those things I’d be a way better musician than I am now.”

“Those things?” Jon echoed as he slowly looked at his palm to flex his digits. “Y-you mean... fiiiingers?”

“YEAH THOSE!” Lyra exclaimed. “Oh, oh do a hand trick!”

“Uh... what?” Jon said.

“Do a trick with your... what’chu called them... finger!” Lyra elaborated.

“A hand trick huh? Well I would but this is cable television I might get in trouble.” Jon teased, the lewdness of the joke going right over Lyra’s head. “Uuuum... okay, okay how bout this.”

Stretching his hand out like he was admiring his nails Jon began to move his fingers to the side occasionally from doing the Star trek hand gesture and moving his pinkie finger in conjunction with with pointer finger. All in all doing nothing more than finger stretches but for Lyra it was absolutely captivating.

“That’s... that’s so cool!” Lyra complimented while Bon Bon failed to see anything particularly interesting about it. “Must be great having those things.”

“Yeah nothing says ‘I’m on top of the evolutionary food chain’ quite like opening a jar of pickles in the morning.” Jon responded as he made motions with his hand like he was groping a stress ball. Lyra in particular took notice of this.

“That’s so cool... I mean the way you can just... like do that and stuff is... like... wow.” Lyra commented as she followed Jon’s hand as he started to wave back and forth to see if she would move her head in time.

“You wouldn't happen to have used that hallucinogenic spell on yourself now would you?” Jon asked. “Because I more or less had this exact same conversation back in the 80’s when I first experimented with with pot.”

Rather than commenting Lyra just continued to to gawk at Jon’s appendage like a cat ready to pounce on a chew toy.

‘

“Don’t mind her Jon she has a serious case of manus envy.” Bon Bon commented.

“A case of what now?” Jon asked.

“Manus envy.” Bon Bon reiterated. “She’s jealous that she doesn’t have hands.”

“Well who wouldn't! I mean look at those things! Can you imagine the glorious things one could do with those!?” Lyra asked to no particular person. but rather into the ether. “It’s like that smug pile of scales, Spike! Walking around holding things, pointing, and writing stuff down like he owns the place!”

“Yeah!” Jon exclaimed for the sake of encouraging her. “Who does he think he is!?”

“That’s right!” Lyra said having her foam finger. “Why if If I had hands I’d be twice the mare I am today!”

“Maybe then you’d actually pick up your trash from off the floor once in awhile.” Bon Bon added which made the audience chuckle, with Lyra trying her hardest to ignore her.

“Also if Spike’s watching... I should say my personal friend Jon here has you beat!” Lyra said.

“How so?” Jon asked.

“It’s simple math... spike only has four fingers.” Lyra explained. “But you Jon... you have five.” He didn’t need to but out of habit Jon looked at his hand to confirm what she was saying was true as well as tried to recall if her claims about spike were correct as well. He couldn’t recall off hand but he took her word on it and suddily found it creepy that she kept track of such things.

“Hm... I guess that does mean I win.” Jon said. “Fun fact... did you know there are some humans with six fingers.”

In shock Lyra gasped and brought both her hooves to her face, accidently whacking her mate Bon Bon upside her head with the end of her novelty finger. In fact her foam mitts almost completely covered her face but Jon could still see a pair of eyes so wide that he could almost see his reflection.

“No way.” Lyra said in muffled voice. “The legends are true!?”

“Indeed they are... in fact there are piano songs... that can only be placed by a pianist with six fingers.” Jon added. “With extra digits they have more dexterity and an edge over everyone else.”

“That’s... incredible.” Lyra said, looking like she was on the verge of crying.

“You know... it’s-- why are you so fixated on this again?” Jon wanted to know.

“Well just... just think of the possibilities!” Lyra said in a tone that conveyed that she was shocked Jon would even ask such a thing. “I’d be way better at playing the Lyre if I had those bad boys.”

“Right... but you’re a Unicorn.” Jon stated. “Couldn't you just... I don’t know... concentrate your magic to help you... do whatever.”

“That wouldn't work so well.” Bon Bon interjected since she knew Lyra wouldn't answer this particular question with any degree of truth. “Lyra isn’t that skilled with magic because she has a hard time concentrating on a single thing.”

“Hey that’s not true!” Lyra said. “If I wanted to I cou--” Before she could continue Lyra was cut off by the sight of Bon Bon throwing something small and spherical over her shoulder where it bounced away into some obscure corner never to be seen again.

This caught Jon’s attention for a second but he quickly went back to looking at his guests only to see Bon Bon in the same position as before but Lyra looking off in the direction of the tossed item. Confused as to what it was and why her mate did what she did, the answer to the latter being to show how easily distracted her Unicorn girlfriend was.

“See what I mean.” Bon Bon asked which made Jon laugh so hard it brought Lyra back from the dead.

“What’s so funny?” Lyra asked, which made Jon laugh harder. Catching his breath Jon quickly changed gears before his Unicorn friend could catch on to what just happened.

“Okay so... okay so let me get this straight... you’re a Unicorn musician... but you don’t use magic when you perform?” Jon asked.

“Well... not traditionally no.” Lyra said. “I used my magic to hold up my instrument but the physical act of working the strings I do by hoof... it’s challenging but I can get the job done.”

“So... uh, so is Lyra right? Is the reason you don’t use your magic more... uh, let’s say more-- in a more productive manner is because of your lack of focus?” Jon asked.

“Not really it’s just... it’s just that every Unicorn and their grandma uses magic to perform. I just want to be different.” Lyra answered. “That’s why I like you humans so much... you’re sooooo different!”

“Thank you?” Jon said.

“No, I’m serious!” Lyra assured him. “That’s why growing up I always had a fascination with your kind! Because human folklore was like nothing I had ever seen before.”

“She says she had a fascination but really she was obsessed.” Bon Bon added with Lyra not objecting this time around because even she knew that was true. “When she was a filly her grandma would tell her ghost stories about the strange creature known as the human and she couldn’t stop talking about them.”

“Well I’m sorry but those stories were so... just so interesting!” Lyra continued. “There was very little knowledge about what humans were like other than vague descriptions so to me they were always... so mysterious and cool!

“As a former swinger I can confirm that nothing will get you laid faster than being mysterious and cool.” Jon added.

“Did you know that for her first year in highschool she tried walking around on her hind legs instead of on all fours?” Bon Bon revealed. “As a friend I convinced her to stop.”

“How’chu get her to do that?” Jon asked.

“By telling her that she needed to grow up and stop believing in pointless... fairy tales.” Bon Bon answered now realizing how this made her look by comparison.

“Which reminds me.” Lyra sneered as she slowly turned her chair to face her mate. At first she said nothing but instead opted to stare at her friend with a grin on her face that looked like she was saving for a special occasion. “Who was right all along?”

“You were.” Bon Bon said.

“I can’t heeeeeaaar you!” Lyra said in singers tone as she leaned in to bury her nose into her mate’s face.

“I said... you were.” Bon Bon repeated after an embarrassed cough.

“Who always said that humans existed even though everypony said she was crazy?” Lyra asked.

“You did.” Bon Bon answered.

“And who never stopped believing even though her best friend said it wasn’t healthy to believe in old mare’s tales?” Lyra sked.

“You did.” Bon Bon answered again.

“And who is a big smelly butt who now realized that growing up is totally overrated and will go home later tonight to bake me a cake?” Lyra asked.

“You’re pushing it.” Bon Bon stated which made Lyra latch on to her like she was afraid she would fall down.

“I SAID WHO IS A BIG SMELLY BUTT WHO NOW--” Lyra began before being cut off.

“Okay, fine, it’s me, it’s me!” Bon Bon forfeited. “I’ll make you a cake!”

“Aaaaaaand.” Lyra said as the crowd chuckled.

“And I’m a big smelly butt.” Bon Bon grumpled, prompting the audience to cheer and give a round of applause to try and make her feel better but Lyra took to as evidence that she won, as evident by her dancing a victory dance most sweet.

“Were humans really thought of as... a-as just this thing to obscure mythology back in your world?” Jon asked.

“Yes... yes you were.” Bon Bon said as Lyra continued her dance. “Everyone just assumed that the humans in legend and on television were just fakes... like overly creative animation or just what have you... but it was only when Celestia made contact with you did we all realize that humans were in fact real.”

“And ever since then I have been systematically tracking down everyone who made fun of me in highschool and stapling this on their front door!” Lyra said slapping a piece of paper on Jon’s desk. When he reached out to grab it he angled it so both he and the nearest camera could get a good shot of it.

It was a picture of Lyra’s grinning face with the phrase “I told you so” smeared overheard in blazing green letters.

“Um... exactly...” Jon tried to say but found it difficult with short bursts of chuckles escaping his mouth everytime he tried to speak. “Exactly how many of these do you ha--”

“Hundreds.” Lyra answered before turning to Bon Bon. “Speaking of which... again who was right?”

“You were right.” Bon Bon sighed.

“Who was right?” Lyra asked.

“You were right.” Bon Bon answered again in a now annoyed tone.

“Who was right?” Lyra asked.

“You were right!” Bon Bon answered in a louder tone.

“Who was right!?” Lyra asked.

“YOU WERE RIGHT!” Bon Bon yelled, her face a full shade of crimson red.

“And now that that’s settled It’s time for my ultimate display of rightness!” Lyra announced. “Since I’m here on your show, live in front of millions, I will now dance the ‘I-told-you-so dance!’”

Standing up in her chair Lyra was greeted prematurely by the audience cheering her one even before she could start moving her hips. Bon Bon herself had seen this dance a few times before and was quick to stop her before things got out of hand.

“Oh no you will not!” Bon Bon urged yanking her paramour back down which made half the audience laugh and the other boo. “Last time you almost broke your leg!”

Disappointed Lyra scrunched her nose in protest.

“That’s because that was the old version which incorporated backflips and combat rolls.” Lyra countered. “This new jig is flip free and even has a part where I blow fire out my--”

“If we could get back to the interview at hand!” Jon interrupted. “I’d like it if you told me more about your experience with trying to promote your belief of human existence.”

Truth be told he actually wanted to move on from this particular topic but it was the first one he could think off to get the quirky couple to stop bickering with each other.

“Since you’ve uh... sin-sin-since you’ve been obsessed with humans all your life... have-- I mean even since before we were revealed to be real.” Jon added. “Since you’ve always had a thing for humans are you now the leading expert on us back home or... or something?”

“Sadly... no.” Lyra said while sporting a look of defeat which made a sympathetic crowd verbalize a collective awww. “Even though I’ve gotten all my knowledge about humans from old books and TV shows they still won’t give me a degree in humanology.”

“Is that even a thing?” Jon asked.

“Hmmm uh.” Lyra shrugged. “It should be.”

“It totally should, and we can print your degree on the back of this.” Jon said returning her gloating face filled handout. Lyra would have agreed to this but the crowd was already cheering at the idea, and Jon had no patience to wait for them to settle down before continuing. “So who is the leading expert on humans in Equestria?”

“That would be Celestia.” Bon Bon answered.

“Sounds about right.” Jon stated. “I mean she’s never been here but she was the one who brought our worlds together.”

“Yeah well she won’t be top pony for long!” Lyra said. “Cause I’m gonna dethrone her!”

“Uh...You may want to think about rewording that last comment.” Jon advised, his face the picture of forced fear and Bon Bon shaking her head.

“What? All I’m saying is that come this time next year I’m gonna be the leading expert on humans! You just wait and see!” Lyra proudly announced. “As a matter of fact I’ve been some extensive research on your people in preperation for my debut tonight!”

“It’s true.” Bon Bon added. “She was up all last night cramming for this segment.”

Jon didn’t want to sound overly negative but he felt like he needed to point out the obvious.

“No offense... but uh, seeing as how you guys didn’t even think we... even existed for the longest time I don’t think you’ll learn much about us over in Equestria.” Jon commented.

“Oh no, no I’ve actually been doing research on humans from actual human textbooks and documents!” Lyra said. “Made by humans... for humans!”

“Really? Where did you get something like that?” Jon asked only to have the Earthpony better half to answer.

“Remember how you had Twilight on your show a few months back?” Bon Bon asked.

“Yeeees?” Jon answered. “What does that... Ooooooh I get it.”

“Yeah remember!? Before she left that huge nerd brought with her a whole heap of books from your world!” Lyra reminded. “Seriously she like... brought back a library's worth!”

“That’s... tha-tha-that’s right, I remember.” Jon said. “She wanted to study us on a more intellectual level so she... so she took a wide variety of textbooks and such.”

“Yep and when I heard that I’d be on your show I rushed over to her house and grabbed as many books about human culture I could find!” Lyra proudly announced. “Granted she wasn’t home at the time but I left a note.”

“Well that’s... nice of you?” Jon said. “So did-- what did you end up learning.”

“Weeeeell... not that much.” Lyra regretfully admitted. “I was in a hurry so I could only grab a few but I did learn a lot about your kingdom and habits... OH, OH, OH I even learned a lot about you!”

“Moi?” Jon said.

“Yep!” She answered proudly while breathing on her hoof to wipe against her chest. “I’ve done some research on you.”

“If it’s about that arrest record when I was 17 what I did was technically legal at the time.” Jon joked which made Lyra laugh but had Bon Bon wondering if what she was hinting at was true or not.

“No silly nothing like that but more... actually, shall I just give a demonstration?” Lyra asked.

“By all means!” Jon said over the roar of the crowd who encouraged her to demonstrate her new found knowledge.

“Okay okay check me out and my big brain!” Lyra said with a quick shake of her head as if to throw off unseen cobwebs. “Okay... you’re name is John Stewart!”

“So far so good.” Jon nodded as the crowd laughed.

“You’ve been active in the media for several decades now where you’ve won numerous awards for your exploits.” Lyra continued.

“Oh now you're just flattering me!” Jon joked with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“You were born in Detroit, Michigan where you studied to be an architect.” Lyra went on to say.

“I-- wait... what?” Jon asked perplexingly as both he and Bon Bon shot the still citing Unicorn with odd looks. “N-no I wasn’t I was born in--”

“Later in life you attended U.S. Marine Corps and was later selected to be apart of the Guardians.” Lyra continued.

“The what!?” Jon asked. “Lyra I... I-I’ve never... I’ve rarely even get selected for jury duty let alone serve in any branch of the military!”

“Sure you have, the encyclopedia said so!” Lyra corrected. “I know everything about you! Like how your best friends are: Diana Prince, Jay Garrick, John Jones, Bruce Wayne, and Clark Kent.”

Some of the more knowledgeable fans in the audience knew what was going on long before others. Jon himself was cemented in his confusion till he heard the last few names. Suddenly it was all becoming clear to him.

“Lyra... where exactly are you getting this information?” Jon asked.

“From this book!” Lyra answered, using her magic to fish out a large heavy set book from her bag. It seemed to have been missing it’s cover jacket but there was still a clear tittle on the front. “Everything about you in here in this book! It has everything like your past affiliations like the Justice League, Guardians of the Universe, Darkstars, and Indigo Tribe to your last notable alias ‘the Master Builder’. But I think this picture of you is outdated... sucks you lost that great tan but hey, at least you grew your hair back.”

Slowly Jon turned to look at the audience who was still laughing, with Bon Bon straining her neck to get a good look Lyra’s book. It took him awhile but Jon now knew what the confusion was, he just had a hard time believing anyone could make such a mistake.

“Uuuu, Lyra?” Jon said leaning forward and motioning with his finger for her to come closer. “Let me see that book.”

“Oh, sure thing.” She stated, using her magic to safely transport the reading material to his hand.

It took the slightly confused host a mere few seconds to now confirm his suspicions. He saw familiar phrases like “flashpoint” and “Cosmic Odyssey” being thrown around which in turn prompted him to close the book, slide it back to his guest, and cover his face with both his hands like he was about to cry. The sight alone was enough to get the audience to laugh even harder than before.

“Lyra.” Jon began before setting down his hands so it would be easier to hear him. “You... god-- y-ou seemed to have confused me, Jon Stewart the comedian... with John Stewart the Green Lantern.”

Now it was Lyra who looked unsure of herself as the crowd laughed at her general direction. To see what the two were talking about Bon Bon reached for the book to try and find the passage previously held by her mate.

“What?” Lyra said. “Aren’t... aren’t you a member of the Green Lantern core?”

“No.” Jon answered.

“Wait... so you’re not a member of the Justice league then?” She asked.

“No.” Jon repeated.

“So... wait there are two John Stewarts in this world?” Lyra inquiry continued. “Is that even possible

“Of course it is.” Jon answered truthfully. “I don’t know how many there are in world but this one ain’t no super hero.”

“But... b-but you DO know Superman, Batman, Wonderwoman, and all the rest right?”

“I know of them.” Jon corrected.

“But not personally?” Lyra added which made both Jon and Bon Bon whack themselves across the forehead in response.

“Lyra... those people... don’t exist.” Jon finally said “They’re fictional characters from comic books a-and movies... they’re not real.

Even though this needed to be said Jon still felt a bit off for saying such things. No doubt he remembered when he had to tell his own kids that Santa wasn’t real so to have to tell this star eyed unicorn that such fanciful humans didn’t actually exist made Jon feel like that bad guy. But unsurprisingly Lyra wasn’t so quick to accept this.

“HA! nice try Jon!” Lyra blurted out with a forced laugh. “I’m not falling for that again.”

“W-what do you mean?” Jon asked.

“She doesn't believe you.” Bon Bon interjected as a smug looking Lyra took back her book. “This is the same as when I sat her down to tell her that humans didn’t exist.”

“Itoldyouso!” Lyra sneezed. “Scuze me.”

“See what I mean?” Bon Bon.

“Yep and look where we are now!” Lyra said while making a sweeping motion with her hoof. “They always told me I was crazy with my believing in humans well who's laughing now!?”

To answer her question the audience responded by chuckling at her whimsical form of smugness for the situation.

“Lyra, think for a second here!” Bon Bon said. “Why would Jon here lie to you like that!?”

“It’s true! Lyra you need to understand... this time it’s different!” Jon implored. “Heroes don’t... or rather heroes do exist today in as everyday hard working citizens. Like firemen, policemen, volunteers, politici... policemen. But.. uh, but when it comes to super powers and costumed vigilantes I’m afraid that’s just fiction... a-a-and make believe.”

“That’s right!” Bon Bon added while making motions towards the book. “This is obviously just works of art! Why else would humans dress like that?”

As harsh as his words were to hear from both parties Lyra still wasn’t buying it.

“Hmmmmmm NOPE! Still don’t believe you two!” Lyra refused to admit. “If superheroes don’t exist then who protects you from Lex Luthor, the joker, and all those other bad guys.”

“Well... those guys don’t exist either.” Jon shrugged. “It’s all made up.”

“What! I... HA! You almost got me there Stewart!” Lyra nudged. “If this book is fiction why did your government print it for everypony to see.”

“Huh? What makes you think the government printed this?” Jon asked.

“Duh! Read the title!” Lyra said as she turned the book around. “‘The DC Comics Encyclopedia.’ It was printed at your nation's capital! What’s more legit than that!?”

Like before it took Jon awhile to understand her train of logic but now he was starting to see how, to someone with only borderline knowledge of human life, could get confused about something like this.

“Ooookaay I see what’s going on here.” Jon said. “Lyra.. DC Comics and Washington DC are two... completely different entities. They have nothing to do with each other. One stands for 'Detective Comics' and the other stands for 'District of Columbia'” Against her attempt to not give in Lyra was slowly starting to come around.

“W-what?” She said. “Your’re... you guys are being serious aren’t you?”

“Yes! Of course we’re serious!” Both Jon and Bon Bon tried to get her to realize.

“But... but how can that be!?” She asked. “In addition to studying about you I also did some research on this country since it’s my first time here.”

“Oh boy.” Jon said at the prospect of Lyra looking up American history. “And uh... w-w-what did you find?”

“Well according to human literature Superman, who you say is not real, helped in exploring this country around the time it was first discovered!” Lyra claimed. “He went around documenting what he saw in the wild.”

“What!?” Jon blurted. “N...no he didn’t!

“Did too!” Lyra argued.

“Even if Superman was real, which he isn’t!” Jon tactfully reminded. “That would still make no sense because he came from Krypton and landed on Earth during modern times... canonically speaking America is far older than Superman.”

The audience chuckled at Jon’s inner nerd coming to the floor.

“But... but I read that Lois and Clark were the first to do an expedition across the western portion of the United States!” Lyra challenged. “It’s thanks to Superman and his girlfriend mapping out this country that the government could expand into new territory.”

Jon didn’t even need to think about this one.

“You’re thinking of Lewis and Clark!” Jon corrected. “Lewis and Clark explored North America not Lois Lane and Clark Kent! You're getting the names mixed up again.”

Lyra looked absolutely shocked to hear that her meticulous and well researched information was starting to backfire on her. To her it all made sense with each piece of the puzzle fitting perfectly but Jon was sworn to prove her wrong. She was once again starting to sink back in denial.

“Okay... you’re messing with me right? Lyra asked. “I mean... there’s no way this can all just be a case of mistaken identity, I spent hours reading this stuff!”

“Sorry Lyra.” Jon shrugged. “I don’t know what else to tell ya.”

“This... this can’t be!” Lyra groaned. “Next thing ya know you’re going to tell me your 20th president wasn’t a talking cat.”

“Excuse me?” Jon said with narroed eyebrows.

“You know... James Garfield?” Lyra explained.

From her end Lyra thought she was talking about a most serious of topics, one’s own past leaders was a hallowed subject to discuss. To this end she was surprised that the audience was now laughing with Jon running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Oh my... Lyra! You’re thinking of Garfield the newspaper comic by Jim Davis!” Jon blurted out. “He... that’s also a comic that’s not real... there’s no such thing as talking cats.”

"Our world doesn't even have talking cats Lyra!" Bon Bon added.

At this point Lyra looked defeated she she slumped in her chair with her mate close by for emotional support as she gently patted the top of her head. She was slowly starting to realize how wrong she was.

“So... these comics really aren’t all true.” Lyra said unbelievingly. “B-but wait! What about your best friend!?”

“M-my best friend?” Jon asked.

“The human who has his own show! The one with the really poofy red hair!?” She explained.

“You... you mean Conan?” Jon answered almost immediately.

“Yeah Conan o’Brien!” Lyra now remembered. “He’s your best friend and he’s a superhero! He’s the flaming C!”

It would seem that in her desperate attempt to keep this fantasy world of hers alive Lyra was starting to get into some obscure level references. Jon however knew what she was talking about since it involved another talk show host of the same caliber.

“Okay a few things about what you just said. One: I’m all for team CoCo and... and all, but he is far from my best friend, Conan if you’re watching this no offense. Second between this... a-a-and revealing to the world who the Justice league is... I-I mean, if they were real you just revealed everyone’s secret Identities which is very irresponsible.” Jon listed which made Bon Bon nod her head in agreement. “And lastly the Flaming C is just a fun little character that Comic book legend Bruce Time made for him for his show since they’re both on the Warner Bros lot.”

“So... he’s not really a superhero either!” Lyra said in hurt filled tone.

“I’m afraid not but you did just gave me a great idea for a sitcom! It’s a series where talk show hosts and other comedians are secretly superheroes by night!” Jon exclaimed. “I can see it now! Older comedians like uh... George Carlin, Billy Crystal, Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce, and Woody Allen can be like the classic heroes from the golden age of comics and newer ones like myself, Colbert, and Steve Carell are the ones for the new generation.”

Most of the names were so dated that it flew over the heads of some audience members and left his two guests confused as to whether or not he was being serious.

“Pilot episode: Johnny Carson has to decide whether to give his power to either David Letterman or Jay Leno and they become mortal enemies. Then in the second season Leno and Conan battle it out.” Jon continued. “Oh, oh, oh, and then we’ll have Dan Cook be one of the main antagonists, only instead of jokes his ability will be stealing other character’s powers.”

His jesting was doing very little to help Lyra ease her way into realizing that she was wrong all along, in fact between this monologue and the name dropping it seemed to only make her more confused.. He noticed this and decided to state the obvious.

“Lyra... Lyra look at me... I’m just joking.” Jon assured her. “Seriously we’re not superheroes.”

“But I don’t... a-are you sure.” Lyra asked.

“Lyra I’m sorry but, listen. To. Me!” Jon urged. “I’m not the Green Lantern, Super heroes don’t exist, Lewis and Clark weren’t comic book characters, a cat was never a US President, and Conan O’Brian does not have super powers.”

The surprised Unicorn took a second to take this all in. Looking down at her book she then turned to face her mate who was giving her a reassuring smile. From there she looked at the audience then back at Jon with a face like she was maybe starting to understand.

“And... a-and you’re sure the green Lantern core has never tried to contact you?” She asked out of desperation.

“THERE IS NO GREEN LANTERN CORE!” Jon said in a tone so firm that it made his guest bury her face into the very book that deceived her. He thought about reaching over to comfortingly rub her head in the same way Bon Bon was tending to her by rubbing her back but before he could even think about motioning to her Lyra shot her head up to address Jon one last time on the issue.

“Just... just answer one last question.” She said.

“Sure, anything.” Jon responded as Lyra slowly produced yet another book from her satchel, a book that depicted America’s 16th president holding an axe in front of a bloodied up wall.

“Was Abraham Lincoln really going around killing vampires?” Lyra asked. The crowds laughter was an early hint that she was once again mistaken, but Jon decided to give pity on this small animal.

“Lyra.” Jon began. “He was the greatest vampire hunter this world ever saw.” Playing along the audience began to applaud and hollar which for Lyra meant that Jon was telling the truth with Bon Bon seeing through his scheme and allowing it to progress uninterrupted.

But even though Lyra now seemed slightly less devastated than before Jon still felt a bit guilty for the way he was forced into dealing with her misunderstanding of human culture. He made it a point to not try and systematically destroy the hopes and dreams of those who came on his show so as a form of penance he decided to help Lyra feel better by giving her something that he was planning on presenting backstage after the interview.

“Look Lyra I uh... I realize this way not-- this wasn’t the best way to break... all this to ya so to show I’m sorry how about I give you a little... let’s say present.” Jon hinted.

“A present!” Lyra gasped. “I get a present!?”

Quickly as to not eat up any more time Jon reached under his desk as he often did during his first two segments. Lyra was a huge fan of the Daily Show and always loved it when Jon did this as she never knew was wondrous things he would produce. And now that he was on the receiving end of this she could hardly contain her excitement.

“Consider it... a gift from the human species.” Jon said as he produced a book and gently handed it over to Lyra who immediately used her magic to bring it closer to her face. Unable to break eye contact with Jon Lyra had to force herself to look down at the hardbound bit of text. At first she was confused as to what it was but was quickly gasping with delight at the front cover which consisted of Jon Stewart himself sitting at a desk next to a monkey.

What got the young Unicorn overly exciting and bouncing in her chair wasn’t so much the imagery itself but that the title of the book was. Blazed in giant letters the textbook read “Earth: A visitors guide to the human race.” If Lyra was right in her assumptions than what she was now holding was in fact everything she ever wanted or could want to know about humans. In hindsight Jon regretted not telling her that it was satirical in nature and not at all serious.

“I... I love it!” Lyra squealed as she hastily turned to the first page eager to learn.

When she did the first thing she noticed was the first chapter entitled “To our alien readers” but on the page just before it was a blank except for some fresh scribbles that when read out said:

“To my number one fan Lyra. Thanks for always believing in the human race. - Jon Stewart.”

“Jon that was really nice of you.” Bon Bon said on Lyra’s behalf who was now completely speechless but showed her gratitude by hugging the book as if it were Jon. “Thank you very much.”

“It’s no problem really.” Jon said. “In fact this works out well because we--”

“OH MY GOD THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!” Lyra screamed causing Bon Bon to fall on the ground and Jon to recoil like someone just tried to shoot at him. “This is the best present I’ve ever had in the entire history of forever! I am SO going to read this right now!”

Without a second thought Lyra quickly opened her book and turned to page after page so violently that Jon was scared that she rip one out. Eventually she stopped at a random passage and read the first thing she saw.

“Oh my god!” Lyra gasped as Bon Bon reclaimed her seat. “Bon Bon, Bon Bon, looky here! Did you know that, according to this book, the humans invented forensic science because it was impossible to commit a crime without leaving behind cop-i-ous amounts of semen!? Or, or, or that the ‘Take-a-penny’ tray is the ultimate form of charity because pennies are worthless!?”

Both Jon and Bon Bon stayed in silence, both in awe of how gullible Lyra was and because the crowd was once again filling the room with their cheers. Jon waited till it all died down before continued as he turned to face Bon Bon.

“So you’re a voice actress huh, that must be great!” Jon said which caused the crowd to laugh. “But listen... uuuuh, it was great having you two on the show, I really enjoyed having you here... and for the first time since the attack... Lyra it was great to finally get to know the real you and Bon Bon I now feel safe sending her back home knowing she has you to look after her.”

“Again thank you very much for having us.” Bon Bon said.

“Yeah, yeah, what she said.” Lyra added too engrossed in her gift to realize what was going on.

“We hope to see you on the show again sometime.” Jon continued, grabbing Bon Bon’s hoof for a quick shake before turning to the audience. “Lyra and Bon Bon everyone, we’ll be right back!”

Jumping to their feet the crowd gave a round of applause and began to cheer even louder than they ever did, as if they were holding back till this very moment. The normal stock music that accompanies the show placed while Jon stood and waved his hands at his two guests to bundle in close so he could talk to them.

Because the crowd was so loud Jon was forced to lean forward in order to whisper something into Bon Bon’s ear with Lyra looking as if she was listening too but in actuality was still reading her book, now on a chapter about human entertainment.

The usual title of the show swooped in on screen, from the point of view of those watching via their televisions, and quickly enveloped the screen leaving only a temporarily black screen which faded back into another commercial break, where it would not return till the moment of zen segment.

Episode 18 [Lyra & Bon Bon]: Here it is your moment of zen

Jon had been to funerals before, both as a friend and as a relative, and every time there was always the same group of people. The ones crying their eyes out, that one guy who couldn't stay very long, and the ones who just stood and were silent except for when they needed to comfort others.

Silent reverence and internal pain were the emotions of choice for such occasions and although the return of the Great and Powerful Trixie to the Stewart household should have been cause for celebration, Jon couldn't help but notice the tell tale signs of a funeral. Him in a black suit, his wife silently off to the side trying to keep her composure, his children crying their eyes out and that one person who had to leave.

Only that one person was Trixie.

Pretty much the day Jon learned that Trixie was okay he rushed home to tell his wife the good news. She was as thrilled as he was and made plans to welcome their beloved Trixie back with everything set in place. Jon would make sure the kids were present for her return, her room would be furnished with everything from new clothes and furniture to a new television set and Tracey would prepare her a feast.

But before they could even the chance to preheat the oven or tell their kids Jon was sent a note from the hospital, only this time it was from Trixie herself. In it she revealed that she wasn’t coming back home and that she was to stay in Equestria.

Her reasoning being that for too long was she staying in the human world where she didn’t belong. Although she greatly appreciated taking her in she explained that they both knew this was only temporary and that by continuing to stay in Equestria she was living a life of unhealthy escapism as she had her own goals and agendas left unresolved when she fled to the human world. Jon tried to talk her out of it but she wouldn’t budge.

This is why it took so long for Jon to hear word of her recovery. After she was deemed healthy enough again to travel she struggled with the idea of the possibility of never seeing her family again. She was on the verge of dead and now found herself with a new lease on life but rather than returning to her new home she decided to say in her old one and spent several weeks wrestling with herself over the idea and whether it was the right choice.

In the end she knew what she had to do.

So it was on this day that the Stewart family gathered in the living room of their Manhattan suite, Jon and Tracey standing over Trixie who was being sandwiched on both sides by the teary eyed team of Jon’s kids Nathan and Maggie. Neither of them wanted her to go.

Even Celestia herself was ready and willing to give her a special pass, allowing her to continue living among the humans but Trixie declined. Not wanting to press such an emotional issue Celestia respectfully accepted the terms of her return to Equestria.

A pass allowing her to travel more easily to other towns, to teleport her on the main roading leading to her next destination, basic supplies (Which Celestia insisted on along with rations, a map, and a new cart), and more importantly... one last chance to say by to her family.

“We’ll... We’ll miss you Trixie!” Nathan said, choking on her tears. The sound of rain landing on the living room window providing a static sounding background noise.

“I’ll miss you too, Nate,” Trixie said, using her hoof to pat him on the back.

“Please don’t go!” Maggie begging in a whining voice that Trixie had never heard before which caused a tear to develop in her eye.

“I’m sorry, honey but... but I need to,” she said, her voice as aching as the kids to show that she was sad too. “It’s something that needs to be done... for myself.

“B-but why!” Nathan asked trying to hold back his emotions.

“I don’t... I... I don’t, I don’t want you to!” Maggie added her frantic question, escalating to full on crying. Desperately she latched on to Trixie, refusing to let go, shoving her face into Trixie’s furry shoulder.

“I know honey, I know,” Trixie said as she began to gently caress the top of her head, Maggie’s wailing muffled by her coat. “When you’re older you’ll understand.”

Jon wasn’t so sure about that since even he didn’t quite get it.

“Trixie... you... you know you don’t have to do this right?” Jon said in a defeated voice, as if nothing he said could change anything.

“I’m sorry Jon but... it’s not something I want to do,” Trixie said as Tracey kneeled down on one leg to grab both her children in an attempt to give Trixie some room to breathe. “It’s something I need to do.”

“But... I... I don’t want... I thought we’d...” Jon tried to say as he was now reminded of what he went through to get her back only to lose her again. “Trixie I... why?”

“Jon... words cannot describe how thankful I am to you and Tracey for taking me in,” Trixie began, turning her attention to the still whimpering children. “And kids... I’m happy you allowed me to be as much a part of your lives and you’ve been a part of mine... but the fact of the matter is the time I spent at Canterlot... unsure of whether or not I’d live got me thinking and I... I can’t keep running away from my life back in Equestria.”

Lunging forward the two children once again tried to embrace their friend only to have their mother hold both of them closer. Tracey was tempted to let them go but she knew that if she did it would be impossible to separate the two of them.

“Remember when you first had me on your show? Remember what I said during that day that seemed like so long ago,” Trixie asked Jon who stayed silent. “There still so much I need to do back home and there are still ponies I need to find... my entire life looking for loved ones only to find them here in a family I thought I could never have... and for a while I thought that was enough... but... it isn’t.”

As much as he pained him to hear this Jon understood. Since the day he took her in he always held the notion in the back of his mind that she would one day return home but now that it was actually happening he had a hard time accepting it. He never knew how much he’d end up loving her like she was his own child.

“Believe me... nothing would make me happier than to stay here with you guys,” Trixie continued. “But I--”

“Then why don’t you?” Jon asked taking a step forward and down on one knee to get at almost eye level. “You could stay here with us... for as long as you want.”

“Yeah!” Nathan added. “Please don’t leave us.”

“Please... please don’t go away!” Maggie said as she rubbed her tiny hands over her eyes.

“Jon you know I can’t do that... I can’t keep running away from my demons,” Trixie explained. “There was a reason I went on your show to broadcast myself to all of Equestria and there’s a reason why I wander from city to city... and as long as I stay here I’ll never have that closure... and don’t worry kids I’ll come to visit some day but for now... I... I need some time for myself.”

Believing that no amount of argument would work at the moment Jon defaulted on natural instinct and leaned in to give Trixie a huge and a kiss on the forehead. Sensing that now was the right time Tracey and the kids joined him for a group hug with Jon making sure that when he let go she’d have room to walk away.

“I’ll miss you Trixie,” Jon whispered. “You were like the daughter I never had.” Usually his joke would have gotten Maggie to protest her annoyance with her father but in this case she just continued to hug her soon to be departed best friend.

“I know Jon, I know,” Trixie said as the family backed away. “I’ll never forget you.”

There was a shift in atmosphere as Trixie’s horn picked up a magical draft entered the room. She was the only one who could sense it but soon everyone would too when Jon’s phone went off. Even Tracey knew what this particular ring tone was for which meant she also knew what was coming next.

Reaching into his pocket Jon answered it without checking on who it was.

“Hello... yeah... yeah... uh huh... yes, I understand,” Jon said to whoever was on the other line before hanging up. “Celestia is ready.”

“Trixie!” Nathan winned as he took a step forward only to be stopped by Jon placing a firm grasp on his shoulder.

“I’ll never forget you guys!” Trixie said as she turned her back, feeling the approaching magic now swarming unseen around her in a faster pace. “And don’t worry I’ll be back to visit someday!”

“We love you, Trixie!” Maggie yelled past her bouts of weeping.

“I love you guys too,” Trixie said as tears streamed down your face.

“You... you sure you’ll be alright without us!?” Jon called.

“Of course I’m sure,” Trixie said in a confident sounding tone to put him at ease. “After all... I am the great... and powerfu--”

Before she knew it a bright light erupted so fast and so blindingly that at first she thought it was from a bolt of lighting courtesy of the stagnant New York weather. But when she regained her sense of sight she realized that this was not the case, for her present location was anything but the big apple.

Instead of concrete sidewalks she saw dirt roads, instead of the sound of traffic she heard birds chirping and the scurrying of tiny animals up trees or in bushes. And of course instead of the cozy Stewart home she found herself in some kind of forest’s edge where no civilization could be seen for miles.

Her senses took an extra second to adjust as she struggled to maintain the transition period, she’d been away from her natural element for so long she almost forgot was it was like to teleport in such a strenuous manner. Even though she knew she was no longer in her human home she desperately turned around to see if perhaps her surrogate family was somehow still behind her.

Sadly this was not the case. When she spun around she wasn’t greeted by her family but rather a large wooden wagon that looked exactly the same as the one she previously owned almost as if it was the same one, but Trixie could tell it was different.

For starters her own self pushing wagon was somewhat small in scale to the point where she was nervous that a harsh wind could topple it since she built it herself. This new one however was much larger and looked to have been build from only the sturdiest wood, crafted by professionals.

It had the same color scheme and insignia painted on a hanging sign as her previous mode of transportation but this new model was obviously made as a gift upon her return. Curious, she approached it to slide her hoof against its surface to find that the wood in which it was made up of had been sanded down and varnished to the point where splinters would be impossible to obtain.

The paint work was made of a special property that wouldn't wash off so easily and despite it looking brand new there was evidence that it had been used before, presumably for test runs to make sure it was safe to drive. Everything about this was top of the line and made to ensure that Trixie was satisfied. Hopping onto the front step she opened the door to the main cargo hold to find that the interior was just as improved as the exterior.

With a much larger volume she could now see that there was a bed, refrigerator, drawer, and many other useful appliances needed for on-the-road travel. In addition there was a work bench which had multiple maps of Equestria, celestial tools like a compass and sextant if she got lost, and a box filled with candles to read them all.

Trixie remembered a time where if she wanted even one of these things she’d have to go without eating for a few days but now she was blessed with all the maps she wanted and a fully stocked fridge to keep her from going hungry. All of this was no doubt the work of Celestia who wanted to welcome her back properly but even with all of this she still felt an emptiness in her heart.

She made a firm decision that this was the right call but despite her need to do so she was still heartbroken about it. Grabbing one of the maps she swung it around like it was baseball bat, imagining that she was outside playing catch with Maggie and Nathan. She hated to see them so sad right before leaving.

With a sigh she walked over to the far end of the wagon to look out the back window to see if anypony was outside. Using the fridge as leverage she hoisted herself up to take a peak only to discover that there was not.

Turning her head to the side she made plans to leap onto her bed where she would lay for several minutes to think of her next move. But before she could she realized that there was something laying on her new mattress that was too small to notice earlier. Working her way over she realized it was her costume neatly pressed and folded waiting for her, cape, hat, and all. But atop of that was also a picture half in and half out of a frame of the same size, as if beckoning her to load it in or take it out.

Using her magic she brought the picture closer to her face. Her heart skipped as she realized that she was now looking at was a group photo of the entire family that they took right around the time she first moved in with them. She could tell it was when she first arrived cause Trixie didn't look entirely pleased to be there. But it was just an act; she loved being with the Stewarts since day one.

Holding back her tears she flipped it open to find that there was writing on the back that wasn’t there previously. At first sight she saw two pairs of notes, two well written paragraphs and two sloppily written lines with misspelled words and occasional backwards letters.

From this Trixie gathered that Jon, Tracey and their two kids wrote last minute farewell messages. The first two she read were from the kids which were simple in nature.

“Bye Bye Trixie, I love you and I hope to see you again very very very soon!”

“I am sad that you are going to leave but if you promise to be happy then I will be happy too.”

Trixie’s eye’s began to distort from tears as she moved on to the one she correctly assumed to be Tracey.

“Trixie you have my full support in whatever you do. I can’t say I’m happy about you leaving but I know you have your own objectives that still need to be taken care of and it would be selfish of me to stand in your way. I know our relationship got off to a rocky start and while I didn’t approve of your staying with us at first I now realize you were more than just a talking pony who needed a place to stay; you were a loving person, a dependable family member, and a good friend. My heart goes out to you and may God bless you. - Tracey.”

Her words were so moving that Trixie had to sit down on her bed and curl up as heart experiences a mixture of sadness for leaving and joy that they still loved her. It was only when she starting to read Jon’s message that she was forced to get back up.

Much like Jon himself his last words were simple yet touching.

“Trixie, I love you. I love you as if you were my own flesh and blood daugher and I hope you will always think of me as a father figure. Be safe and know that whenever I do an interview with a pony and I whisper in their ear at the end, that’s me telling them to to say ‘Hi’ for me if they ever see you. I will always love you and nothing in this world or yours will ever change that. - Jon Stewart.

PS: Look in the fridge.”

Quickly Trixie set aside her picture, least more tears would fall on it’s surface, and did as the note commanded by quickly rushing over to the fridge to open in quickly, as if it was a portal back to their home.

What she saw was the usual milk, eggs, fruits and vegetables needed for a balanced diet; and even a few cans of high grade pony chow. But on the very top shelf was a section cleared off for a single dish, a glass container which had loose pieces of properly cooked and seasoned meat.

It was saran wrapped with a little note at the top:

“I had Tracey make your favorite, stuffed chicken breasts with mushrooms”

With a gentle smile Trixie took the pre cooked meal and made plans to have some before heading off to the next town.

“I love you too, Jon.” Trixie said under her breath but knew that Jon could hear her. “I love you too.”

Episode 19 [CMC]: Border hoppers

In the Stewart household there was always a set of rules that everyone had to follow. There were the standard everyday rules that survive through the generations liking wiping your feet before coming inside or no elbows on the table but there were also specific and unique rules known only to Jon, Tracey and their two kids.

Some included such classics as Jon not being allowed to eat anything after 8 o’clock, or Jon wasn’t allowed to swear around the kids, or Jon wasn’t allowed feed the dog at the dinner table, or Jon wasn’t allowed to talk bad about Tracey’s mother.

Alot of the rules were tailored made for Jon and for good reason as his profession meant that he had to constantly make sure his work didn’t follow him home. A good example of this was the fact that his children were not allowed to watch his show for obvious reason, though they did anyway in secret.

Another rule that directly related to Jon and his work was that no one else was allowed to be in his study but him. It was a rule that he himself established but based on how it was constantly broken it amounted to little more than a suggestion.

The reason why he had this rule was because he did most of his creative thinking and business transactions in this private room so he liked to think that while inside he was Jon Stewart the comedian slash host of the Daily show and when he was anywhere else he was Jon Stewart family man. Basically the same principle by which a country will have an embassy on foreign ground.

He especially didn’t want his kids to be in this room since his discussion about his program would often lead to vulgar or suggestive conversation which whoever was on the other phone and when he wasn’t working he would take care of paper work and didn’t want to be disturbed.

Usually if his two kids, Maggie and Nathan, were to venture their way into his study he’d give them a light scolding and send them on their way. But on this particular Sunday night Jon found himself sitting at his wood carved desk with his two kids sprawled across his nearby couch like they had just had the life sucked out of him; and judging by their occasional moans or tendency to sometimes fall on the ground one might conceivably think this to be the case.

If this were any other day he’d tell them to leave but in this case he allowed them to be close to their father if it meant it’d help them feel better. Since they weren’t at all in a joyous mood they laid their silent with Jon thankfully taking the advantage by getting some work done.

Usually they’d be asking him what he was doing, or what was he writing down, the answer to which would have probably bored them right out of the room. But instead all they did was occupy space with the only sound to be heard coming from the clock off the wall as the seconds rolled by or Jon’s phone vibrating against his desk from incoming texts and emails as he multi-tasked.

Sometimes the mood was livened up by the wind making the tree scratch outside his window or Jon having to clear his throat but no one made the effort to open their mouths and speak through cognitive thought. As much as Jon did, to a degree, enjoy this silence he knew it would be broken any second now.

He knew why his kids weren’t talking to him or really at all at this time. The elephant in the room was just as gut wrenching for him as it was on them. It had been a few days since the incident and Jon was determined to move past it and to have his kids do the same. But as his son struggled to sit up on and over his sister he knew that wasn’t the case; especially when he opened began to address Jon for the first time all day.

“I miss Trixie.” Nathan said, his small and innocent voice piercing Jon’s heart as he looked over to see his daughter following her brother’s stride.

“I miss her too, daddy.” Maggie added.

Rather than answering Jon stayed silent and looked up from his desk, not in the direction of his kids but at the door, staring at like he was expecting Trixie to come barging in without knocking or asking permission as she often did. Slowly Jon’s mouth opened like he was trying to form words but to his kid’s dismay, he just let out a sigh and continued on his papers, writing faster and harder as if to say “I’m busy.”

The documents he was filling out rattled and fluttered as hurriedly filled out questions and signed his name, and the cold draft of wind from the window behind him causing him to shiver; his penmanship suffered as a direct result.

With sheer determination Jon continued to work on his paperwork while simultaneously answering incoming texts with his free hand. But even with his head straight down and body hunched over, he still couldn't help but notice the sound of the couch creaking ever so slightly followed by the sound of tiny feet making his way to his desk.

When he looked up he saw his two children now directly standing in front of his desk with the younger Maggie’s eyes just barely reaching over the threshold. Before he could look away Nathan took the lead, and, with saddened eyes, addressed his father.

“Daddy,” He said. “When do you think we’ll see Trixie again?”

Letting out a firm yet tired sounding sigh Jon placed his pen down and arched himself back to once again avoid looking into their begging gazes.

“I’m not sure.” Jon answered as she stretched his arms behind his head. “Trixie said she would visit some day but she doesn’t know when.”

“S-s-so it could be soon right!” Maggie added, her voice filled with hope that Jon wasn’t eager to crush.

“I don’t know about that, honey.” Jon said, as he phone lit up causing him to quickly press a few buttons to answer . “I hate to be a downer but I think it’ll be quite some time before we see her again.”

“Well what if we went to see her!” Nathan asked. “Can we go see her daddy!?”

“Yeah can we, can we, can we!?” Maggie added.

Taking of his glasses to rub his tired face Jon leaned forward to look his children dead in their eyes to try to convey how serious he was.

“Now listen you two... I realize you want to see aunt Trixie again and believe me nothing would make me happier than to do the same.” Jon began. “But you heard what she said... she need some time away to... find herself... to be at peace, you see.”

Hearing this made Nathan purse his lips and lower his head where he caught a view of Maggie doing the same. Because of her shorter stature Jon didn’t notice tears beginning to well up.

“Now then, let’s try and stay quiet for a moment for daddy,” Jon suggested. “I really need to get back to--”

“Was Trixie mad at us?” Maggie asked as she used her sleeve to wipe her nose. “Is that why she left? Because she didn’t love us anymore?”

Even though he had not so directly made this topic off limits, her final inquiry made Jon drop his phone in shock at the idea of Trixie leaving because of apathy. In response to this his phone vibrated as if to complain but was due to an incoming text. Bending down Jon retrieved his phone and took a second to think about what he would say to his kids.

Before addressing Maggie Jon quickly glanced over at his phone in order to resolve whoever had texted him so he could give his kids his undivided attention. Before he could do so however he found himself doing a double take at the person who had tried to contact him, or rather the pony.

Surprised, Jon read a brief snippet of text sent by his royal friend Celestia but just as quickly realized it wasn’t anything important. She had just discovered yet another trunk full of equipment he left behind when he interviewed Luna in Canterlot and was simply messaging him that she was going to be sending it to him. Routine stuff.

Double tasking yet again, Jon decided to kill two birds with one stone by getting up to clear his desk while talking to his heart-broken children.

“Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Of course Trixie still loves you.” Jon said as he began to take his belongings off his work space and either onto the floor or in an adjacent drawer. “Trust me that pony cared about you two kids just as much as me or your mother.”

Following his gaze the two tiny onlookers simply stared at Jon no doubt with the question “Then why did she leave” prepared to be thrown at Jon who was Equally prepared to answer it.

“The reason why she left is well... because as much as you or I would love it if she stayed here with us at heart... she’s still a pony, a pony in a human’s world.” Jon continued as he continued to clear his desk. “She still has business to take care of back home... her original home and until she’s finally at peace with that then she’ll most likely return... do you understand what I’m saying.”

“I... I guess so.” Maggie said, holding her brother’s hand. In truth both kids, to some degree, knew and why Trixie left them but their childish sense of greed meant that their better judgment was clouded.

“I know this is hard on you two, it’s hard on us all... but with patience you’ll know fully understand what Trixie was going through... but until then I want you to stay strong. It’s what she’d want.” Jon said as he just finished up preparing his desk. “But first and foremost I want the two of you to know this... Trixie loved you guys more than anything and it broke her heart to leave just as much as it was for us to watch her go... so don’t ever start thinking that it’s your fault.”

Reaching in to his pocket Jon pulled out a phone and sent a quick message to Celestia in who turn used her magic to instantly transport a heavy looking black case onto his desk, being escorted by a bright and enveloping light which disappeared far too quickly to anyone to notice.

Even the sight of actual magic wasn’t enough to get his kids to smile. It was hard to tell but it seemed like Jon’s words helped his two young ones feel somewhat better though they still sported a look of dismay between them. Sitting back down Jon began to fidget with the lock on his trunk to see what else he left behind so he could catalogue it later.

“I’ll try and see if maybe we could try to get in contact with her through letters or phone.” Jon said as he struggled to open the large stage chest. “But as far actually bringing her back here... I don’t see that happening any time soon. I know... it’s difficult but I’m sorry to say that it’s going to be awhile before any of you two see another pony again.”

Stepping forward Nathan looked like he was about to say something when something caught everyone’s attention in the room. In shock Jon had to lean back in his chair to process what both he and his kids just saw, right before their very eyes the large black transportation case had, on it’s own, jumped a few inches into the air like a wild animal was trying to break free.

Nathan and Maggie looked to their dad with expressions that asked if he did that but Jon responded with a look of his own which said no he did not. Slowly Jon reached out to the trunk with caution like he was afraid it would bite him. Gently he laid a single finger on it’s side which at first did nothing but just as he was about to do the same with the other hand the large plastic case moved violently once again, this time lunging forward where it spilled over Jon’s desk and terminated with a crash, sending bits of plastic onto the ground.

At this point Jon was too confused to think about the implications of what was occurring. Were he not so sleep deprived and heart broken he would have realized that something from another world was residing in his trunk which would have prompted him to get his kids away from whatever it was.

From his angle he could not see what had hatched from the stage container but both Nathan and Maggie were in just the right position to see for themselves what it was and the answer caused them to both drop their jaws in astonishment.

Like a horror movie first victim Jon slowly inched his way out of his seat to get a good look at whatever made new creature was now present in his house. At first he saw some squirming objects but nothing definitive. Reaching back into his pocket Jon tried to find his glasses but before he could equip them he saw something that at first made no sense but then filled him with dread.

A familiar pink bow.

With great swiftness a head poked over the the end of Jon’s desk which made him fall back into his seat out of shock both for the sudden appearance and the fact that he recognized who it was that was now in his home.

“Hiya Johnny!” The intruder known as Applebloom said. “Long time no see!”

Before Jon could respond, as he was too shocked to even say anything, his two children sprung into action!”

“BABY PONIES!” Nathan and Maggie screamed as they crowded around the front of Jon’s desk. Jon was too fixated on the still present Applebloom to notice but within moments his two kids dove to the ground only to arise holding a pegasus and a unicorn respectively. Jon was now greeted by the sight of not just Applebloom but two other ponies accompanying her.

His surprise only deepened when he recognized them as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, Applebloom two closest friends.

“DADDY, DADDY, DADDY LOOK!” Nathan demanded, jumping up and down. “MORE PONIES!”

“DADDY, LOOK AT THIS ONE!” Maggie added, squeezing the orange pegasus in her arms. “THIS ONE HAS WINGS!”

Jon watched at the two fillies currently being manhandled by his kids tried desperately to escape their grasp but their small size made it impossible, even the fully grown Trixie found it difficult to break free once Nathan and Maggie got their hands on her. For a second Jon was relieved by this since he still recalled how, between the three of them, these persistent ponies had the destructive capabilities of a bull on steroids so he found it lucky that at least two of them were subdued.

But when Applebloom pulled herself up onto his desk he was once again reminded that in grand scheme of things he would rather they not be here at all.

“So this is where y’all live?” Applebloom asked. “This place looks mighty fancy! Is this your room?”

Jon tried to speak but he found that no words could be formulated. He still couldn't understand how in one moment he could be having a quiet evening doing his taxes and signing contracts and in another have three young fillies in his room. Different priorities were had by his kids who rushed to address this wondrous issue with him.

“DADDY LOOK DADDY LOOK!” Maggie begged as she stretched her arm to present to him Scootaloo who continued to struggle. “It’s a baby pony! Daddy look! It’s a baby pony!”

“YEAH DAD LOOK! CAN WE KEEP THEM” Nathan added with great excitement. “Because, because, because if we get... if... if... if we get Trixie back and then get a boy-pony we could have a pony family!

“That’s right daddy a whole pony family!” Maggie said. “Trixie can be the mommy, we’ll get the daddy and these three are the babies!”

By this point Jon was ready to stand up, slam his fists, and take charge of the situation but the image of Jon taking care of five ponies under the same room knocked him back down to his seat. His eyes looked like they had seen what pure unfiltered horror was and despite his study never being this crowded or noisy as he heard was his heart beating.

“Hey!” Scootaloo said to Maggie as she tried to free herself. “Who you callin a baby!?”

“Mister... Stewart,” Sweetie Belle struggled to say with Nathans powerful arm across her neck. “I... can’t breathe.”

“Hey, Johnny, who are these tiny humans?” Applebloom asked. “Johnny? Can ya hear me Johnny.”

“His name is Daddy, other pony.” Maggie corrected. “Hey, Nate, grab her too!”

“On it, sis!” Nathan said as he reached out with his free hand. “Hey, Daddy, watch this!”

Before he knew it the entire room was buzzing with each children trying to get his attention. In typical juvenile fashion each minor tried desperately to be the center of attention through spastic movements and attempting to be the loudest one.

Jumping back onto the ground Appleboom fled from Nathan who was running around with Sweetie Belle still tucked under his arm as Maggie followed close behind with Scootaloo over her head like she was about to jump off a ledge hoping the orange Pegasus would safely fly her to safety.

At first Jon didn’t know what to do or say but he was awakened from his dream like trance by the sound of one of his kids knocking over lamp. He then saw Applebloom trample over a pile of important paperwork that Jon had carefully placed on the ground. He could barely hear himself think with all the commotion and but soon as soon as reality was properly set back in for Jon realized he had to do something.

Without even thinking about it Jon got up and took a deep breath like a dragon about to unleash a fiery stream of flame. He may not have possessed such an ability but his approach was nevertheless just as impacting.

“ENOUGH!” Jon yelled at the top of his elderly lungs. “EVERYONE STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY!”

Without even a cool down time all five children stopped in their tracks like someone pressing pause on their television. All eyes were no on Jon, who regained his composure by sitting a back down, combing his hair back and clearing his throat. From the look of it he didn't seem angry at all but calm and composed, which for an actor was a skill worth having. Nathan was still scared enough that he dropped the now dizzy unicorn onto the ground with a thud.

“Uh oh.” Maggie said as her brother picked Sweetie Belle back up, this time gently holding her around her stomach. “Daddy’s mad.”

“Don’t worry Maggie... everything is just fine.” Jon said in a comforting tone before taking a deep breathe as he leaned forward get a good look at Applebloom in the center of the room. “However, Applebloom... come here please.”

Carefully the now scared earth pony tiptoed her way to the front of Jon’s desk, occasionally having to walk around a piece of broken plastic then walking between Nathan’s legs till she arrived close enough to where she could get a good look at Jon, and Jon at her.

“Y-yes Johnny.” Applebloom said, her ears bent back with one hoof to the side ready to run away if need be.

“Applebloom honey,” Jon began in a tone like was conducting an interview. “Why... are you here in New York... no... no, no, no, how are you here in New York.”

“Well I... y-you see we.” Applebloom tried to say. “Me and girls well... we uh.”

“We’re here to get our Cutie Marks!” Scootaloo proudly announced without any hint of fear.

“What?” Jon said with what looked like angry narrowed eyes but was actually Jon squinting to get a good look at Scootaloo who was being held further away from him.

“Yeah Mr. Stewart!” Sweetie Belle added who was much closer. “We came to your world to try to see if we could get our Cutie Marks here... seeing as how we can’t seem to do it back home.”

Looking back down Jon once again was staring at their apparent ring leader.

“Applebloom! Is this true?” Jon demanded to know in a low but stern voice.

“Um... yeah that’s right.” She said. “T-the Cutie Mark Crusaders are here on a mission! A mission to find what our...”

As she recounted their oath Jon now found himself in shock at what was being told to him. If what he understood was to be taken as fact then three little ponies and traveled across planes of existence in order to find what their future professions would be.

“How... how is this possible.” Jon interrupted with begging hands. “How are you guys even here... no one is allowed to come to this world without Celestia’s permission, what’s going on!?”

The three shifting pair of eyes locked on each other only to once again look back at Jon’s towering presence.

“Well,” Applebloom began. “Ya see, We...”

“We snuck in!” Scootaloo proudly announced.

“What... what did you say?” Jon asked.

“Yeah, we hid in one those giant suitcases and waited for Celestia to teleport us here.” Sweetie Belle added. “We knew that sooner or later she would send you more equipment for your show so we waited.”

“I... you... my... I mean how.” Jon struggled to say. “You... you three hid in... in one of my... how did you even know about... about... Celestia and... and all this.”

“Uh well... if ya’ll would recall... you told us?” Applebloom stated.

“I did what now?” Jon asked.

“Duh! Remember when we last met!?” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Back in Rarity’s boutique! You told us about how Celestia still sent you your old junk.”

Jon still had no idea what they were referring to. But after a few seconds of quiet reflection it hit him like a runaway train. What Scootaloo said was indeed true, the last time Jon saw these three little ponies it was when he found himself hiding in Rarity’s shop. Once there he received a phone call from his wife about a package that arrived, a package that contained some lighting fixture that he had left behind.

He then explained to the three curious fillies that when he interviewed Luna in Canterlot he had to set up his own stage and in the process left behind some equipment. Since then Celestia had been regularly sending up case after case of his of his expensive stage parts... only this time he got more than he bargained for.

“I... can’t believe this.” Jon said now realizing how he had just screwed himself over... again.

“Pretty clever huh!” Applebloom said. “Now that we’re here... we uh... we actually have something we want to ask ya.”

“Did that suitcase come with a return address?” Jon asked, his eyes wide with continued astonishment he looked like he was trying to imitate an owl.

“Theeeere’s... a very specific Cutie Mark we came here to try and get, right girls.” Applebloom said with her two friends nodding in agreement. “So we were wondering... Johnny?”

Looking up all three girls were now huddled together like a acapella group ready to sing.

“Can we go on your show to try and get our TV Cutie Marks!?” All three asked at once.

It was always the same, whenever a pony tried to enter the human world it was always for the same reason.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Jon moaned as he slapped his hand across his face. “You came all the way here just to... just to be on my show!?”

The most frustrating part about all this, at least for Jon, was how unsurprising this all was. Historically speaking they weren't the first to do this.

“Well we also really wanted to see you again... buuuut yeah we’d really like if we were your next guest!” Applebloom said. “We really love your show, right girls?” Nodding in agreement all three fillies were once again scooped up by by a corresponding kid with Applebloom once again being the notable exception.

“That would be the best!” Maggie squealed as she began to rub her face against Scootaloo’s mane.

“Baby ponies on Daddy’s show!?” Nathan gasped. “Too cool!”

“Are you gonna do it Daddy! Huh, are ya , are ya!?” Maggie wanted to know.

Jumping up and down Applebloom was pleased to see that these two humans were one her side regarding this project. Jon however was less than enthusiastic. With aching head and strained vision Jon slumped back into his seat like he was melting.

“I... I... I...don’t... believe this.” Jon said in a hush tone which made everyone in the room take a few steps towards him. “Applebloom. Words cannot express how disappointed I am with you right now.”

“B-but... but we didn’t mean to get ya’ll upset.” Applebloom challenged. “W-we just wanted to see you is all.”

“But mostly it was for the Cutie Mark thing.” Scootaloo added causing both her friends to shove a hoof across her mouth.

“Do you three have even the faintest idea of what you’re dealing with here?” Jon asked in a concerned tone, not exactly knowing fully himself. “Traveling between two worlds isn’t child's play! What if you three had gotten hurt!”

“But... but we didn’t so... so it’s okay right?” Scootaloo asked.

“Noooo. No it’s not okay! You girls... to think you’d go this far! Don’t you know it’s illegal to sneak into this world!?” Jon asked while making sure to not raise his voice too much, both because he didn't want to scare them or wake up his wife a few room away. In typical parental fashion Jon wasn’t angry, but rather disappointed, as he would often said to his own children and his own mother would to him. There was even a part of him that was impressed they actually pulled up such a feat but he was far too tired to get worked up about it. “Don’t you know how much trouble you three are in!?”

“Weeell we kinda already thought about that.” Sweetie Belle said tentatively. “If you tell Celestia that you wanted us on your show all along then... then we won’t be technically breaking any laws since we’d be here as your guests.”

The fact that they were still trying to force their way onto his program as a means to avoid facing responsibility for what they did made Jon tilt his head in a slight angle like he was trying to express himself through body language. Again he found himself somewhat impressed by their plan. Quickly however he shook it off just in time to fully process what this all meant

“If you think... I’d still let you on my show... you... you... aaargg,” Jon moaned as he slumped further into his chair. “That does it... you three have really done it now.”

“W-what are you gonna do!?” Applebloom bellowed as Jon grabbed a hold of his phone.

“I am going to get Celestia to call your sisters.” Jon grumbled like he did not want to deal with this anymore. Rubbing his temple he began press some buttons on his cellphone. This bold declaration caused each of the three fillies to sport facial expression of varying degrees of fear. “I’ll let them decide what to do with you three.”

Sensing that they were moments away from losing their new found friends Maggie and Nathan jumped forward to try and talk their father out of it.

“Don’t do it Daddy!” Nathan cried. “Please don’t”

“Nate buddy jus... just... just stay out of this one.” Jon said as he weakly tried to shoo him away. “This does not concern you.”

“Please let them be on your show Daddy... please!” Maggie added.

Looking up Jon matched their begging woeful eyes with an tired and sunken glare of his own. In the past their pathetic puppy eyes might have swayed his heart but he was so emotionally and physically drained that he was now more resistant to such tricks.

“Sorry gang that’s not gonna work on me” Jon countered as he finished typing in Celestia full number. “Not this time.”

“Please Mr. Stewart don’t tell Rarity!” Sweetie Belle begged.

“Yeah, we won’t do it again!” Scootaloo added.

“I know you won't,” Jon grumbled. “Because I’m going to make sure you three are grounded till you’re my age.”

“Please Johnny.” Applebloom sniffed. “We just really, really, really wanna get our Cutie Marks.”

Their insistent was now starting to pierce Jon’s shield of cold uncaring indifference and was beginning to get him upset. Before actually placing his call Jon stood up to address all five children at once.

“Now listen here!” Jon said. “As of right now I’ll... I-I’l... uh....”

Jon always had a weakness for the begging eyes. His kids figured out long ago that if they got together and gave their father a pair of saddened expressions combined with pouting lips they could pretty much get away with murder. Jon had been practicing his resistance to this tactic and was on the verge of becoming completely immune like his wife.

It had gotten to the point where he was almost able to resist a pair of begging kids but there was no way he could hold his own against five.

“Oh no.” Jon thought as he was now facing down not only his kids but the three young fillies, all of whom looked like they were practicing their roles as Oliver Twist. “T-t-that’s not going to work! When I say I’m going to do something... I’ll, I’ll do it!”

To show he was serious Jon grabbed his phone and displayed it for all to see, indeed showing that if he wanted to all he had to do was press one button and he would be calling his celestial contact back at the castle. But this was not enough for any of kids to falter in their begging act, if anything it caused it to intensify.

“Please let us be on your show?” Applebloom begged

“I’m.. I’m sorry I... that is to say, well.” Jon fumbled to say unsure of what he was even trying to say.

Their eyes were still begging and their lips still quivering but now they added into the mix nose sniffeling as well as pretending to wipe away tears that didn’t exist. Jon always had a theory that all kids were telepathically linked which is why it was scarier whenever they were silent, not because it meant something was wrong but because they were discussing way in which things could go wrong.

This theory was all but cemented when all three kids opened their mouths to speak in synchronized unison like they had been practicing all day.

“PLEEEEEAAAAAAASE!” They all begged at once.

Never had Jon wished that his wife was here with him right now because if she was she’d be able to hold her own against such a pathetic display of eager begging. Jon one weakness was being exploited to it’s fullest yet again, and like with every other incident he caved in.

“Alright alright!” Jon bellowed, “You can be on my show just... for the love of god stop looking at me!”

Usually hearing one’s father say such a thing would be enough to make any child cry but in this case it made the Stewart children jump up and down with joy. The three invading ponies soon followed in turn causing Jon’s usually quiet study to be completely taken over by the sound of children screaming and hollering with Joy.

Jon had never been to a teen pop concert but he was starting to get a good idea of what one was like.

“Okay, okay that’s enough, everyone be quiet!” Jon yelled to get their attention. “Stop screaming or I’ll change my mind!”

Immediately all five children silences themselves with Applebloom tactfully taking a step forward to confirm that their deal was set.

“Sooooo... you really will let us on your show?” She asked just to be sure. “You aint just fibbin.”

Thinking about it Jon realized how easy it would be to simply lie about deal of their and tell Celestia to teleport them away behind their backs, but doing so would be dishonest. As much as Jon didn’t like this, he did gave his word which he never went back on. The exact same as when Trixie pulled the same stunt.

“Yeah I’m serious you three... you three are my next guests.” Jon sighed, preemptively covering his ears for the onslaught of screaming returned. “But hey... hey... quiet down I said!”

Like before there was once again silence with the occasional giddy laughter from a random child.

“Okay before we go any further you three are staying in Nathan and Maggie’s room.” Jon ordered while pointing to the three young mares then to his children. “Kids, make sure they go to bed right now. I don’t want them looking tired for when they go on stage.”

“OKAY DADDY!” Nathan roared as he grabbed two ponies in each hand and bolted for the exit.

“H-hey, hey no running indoors!” Jon called out as Maggie ignored his ordered and followed close behind her brother with Scootaloo held tightly against her stomach. The sound of giggling could still be heard as Jon theorized that all five of them were already in the kids room.

Despite his orders to go to bed at once he knew that wasn’t going to be the case and made plans to order his cosmetology girls to go heavy on the makeup to hide any bags under the eyes.

“Oooh, Jon, what have you gotten yourself into.” He asked himself as he slowly arched himself back in his chair while blinding grobbing his desk for his phone. Eventually he found it and brought it up to his hear. He wanted desperately to go to bed but before he could do so he had one last piece of unfinished business to take care of.

With a press of a button the phone began to ring and soon a soothing voice was on the other line.

“Hey Celestia? It’s me Jon.

“Hello Jon!” Celestia said. “Isn’t this a nice surprise.”

“Yeah, yeah sure is, listen I’m calling because I know who I want for tomorrows show.” Jon began.

“Oh well that’s so good to hear!” She said. “Wh-”

“Now before I tell you who it is I just have one thing to say to you.” He interrupted

“Oh,” Celestia commented. “And what might that be.”

“.... Celestia.... “ Jon began. “You suck at border patrol.”

Episode 19 [CMC]: Please welcome to the show the Cutie Mark Crusaders

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo (The Cutie Mark Crusaders)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The Daily Show was not what one could consider appropriate for children and as such Daily Show Headquarters was not well known for having young visitors; and for good reason. Between photoshopping Donald Trump to look like he was riding atop a giant penis and having interns and writers get naked and photographed so that later the head of a politician could be pasted over in a stark allegory for rampant American Capitalism... the Daily Show work place was not considered child friendly.

So when came into work that morning he came prepared. Driving to work early he had intern after intern sweep the office to do away with any inappropriate content that could be seen by younger eyes. And when he had the dressing rooms ready for the three fillies he disconnected the TV so they couldn't watch the first two segments of his show.

He also decreed that any and all expletives were not allowed that day and to refrain from adult conversation; he basically wanted them to act either around their grandma or in church. It was an odd thing to to request at place like Daily Show Headquarters but once the three fillies arrived it all made sense.

Everyone from lowly interns to executive veterans came to greet the tiny ponies and comment on how more adorable they were than previous guests which some believed to be impossible. Everyone instantly fell in love with them and wanted to take them home... all that is except for Selina.

Another precaution Jon took was having Selina swing by his house to pick them up and drive them around the city for a little bit. At first she was a bit flattered that he trusted her so much with handling not just one but three guests at once, but it was only when she discovered that they were kids did she realize that Jon simply did not want that responsibility.

As a chaperone she knew exactly how to handle kids. When she was in college she made money babysitting for friends and family but with three mythical animals she was slightly out of her element. When she arrived the cast welcomed the three young mares but didn’t noticed that Selina herself looked exhausted with unkempt hair and a messy pants suit like she had just been through a wind tunnel.

Jon recognized this all too well as it was the same exact look he used to sport back when his kids were still in diapers. For the next few hours the three fillies stayed in their dressing room being worked on by staff members or entertained by interns with Selina too tired to do much of anything else.

This meant that Jon had a choice of either taking care of his guests or working to get the show up and running while his staff took care of Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. He chose the former and continued to do so until it was time for the show to start.

With everyone counting the minutes till the main event the second to last commercial of the show ended with stock footage of the street just outside Daily Show Headquarters before the logo of the show swooped into transition the camera to Jon who was at this table busily scribbling down on his notes.

When the camera got closer he then changed pace by pretending to play the drums as the audience continued to cheer and applause as if he really was a musician. Without warning, he very briefly stood to his feet to wave at the audience who seemed particularly electrified on this episode, most likely because before the first segment even started he told them of what to expect. Namely that the guest this time around actually came in pairs of three.

Turning his head to the side Jon wanted to make sure everything was properly set up. Backstage he saw crew members and interns gathered around waiting on standby just in case but at the forefront were the three individuals he wanted to make sure were actually present. The these young ones has a propensity for wandering off but they looked as ready to start the show as Jon was which he did the moment he sat back down.

“Hey everybody welcome back to the Daily Show. Our guests tonight!” Jon yelled over the crowd as he put emphasis on the fact that there were more than one. “They are three... adorable children from the world of Equestria who when put together form the secret society known as the Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

“Let me tell ya, the initiation to get a show on Comedy Central is a thousand times worse .” Jon added which caused a small handful of audience members cheer at him. “Please welcome to the show: Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle also known as members and founders of the Cutie Mark Crusaders!”

Jon could remember very clearly the last time the crowd cheered this loudly, it was during the last installment of Equestrian Interviews when he had both Lyra and her mate Bon Bon as his guests. Back then he assumed their extra loud cheering was due to the fact that it was two ponies rather than just the standard one. This time around having three confirmed his suspicions.

The amount of cheering was so deafening that, had the camera stayed on Jon a few seconds longer, those watching at home would have seen Jon finch as the roaring crowd stood to yell. Their voices carried far with such a high volume, as if they were attempting to compensate for there being three guests by cheering three interviews worth of praise. This in practice made the three young fillies not come out at first since they were spooked by this sudden explosion of encouragement.

Jon thought about getting up to see what was wrong but he soon found himself walking across the stage for a different reason. After a few seconds of mental preparation on the part of the guests the audience was soon treated to the sight of three young fillies walking on stage with an equally young looking woman following them.

Meeting them halfway on stage Jon carefully got down on one knee, in such a way that his back wouldn’t ack afterwards, to give each ponie a quick shake before turning to the audience and wave. Usually Jon had a very specific reason for meeting a guest in front of the audience like this rather than waiting for them to come to the desk and this time around it was for those watching to get a good look at the three guests before the interview began.

With the three young ladies now following Jon’s example by waving at the guests with varying degrees of enthusiasm those in attendance took note at who was at bat this time around. An orange pegasus with messy purple hair, a light grey shaded Unicorn with properly kept swirly pink and purple hair, and finally an off yellow Earthpony with light crimson hair that complimented the giant pink bow she wore atop of it.

In terms of diversity these three couldn't be any more different appearance wise with the only noticeable thing they all had in common, aside from age and gender, being that none of them had cutie marks. It had been a recurring tradition for some viewers to first look at the flanks of ponies coming on stage in order to get some kind of a hint as to who these ponies were or what they did.

Usually Jon would tell them before hand thus spoiling the surprise and other times a guest was not a pony and therefore wouldn't have a cutie mark anyway, leaving the guests in the dark till the actual interview started. But this marked a time where the air of mystery was at it’s most thickest. With Jon tactfully avoiding naming their occupation and no external hints as to what they did the audience were left to wonder what kind of an interview they would witness. For all they knew these three could be anything from hitman, to flower girls.

Their answers would soon be answered as they slowly began to lower their cheering once the three ponies and pair of humans on stage made their way to the desk; Jon with his usual level of delight as he carefully lowered himself in his seat, the three guests jumping up and down trying to be the first to get up and unto their chair, and Selina busily writing down notes onto her clipboard as she did the entire time on stage.

The three girls were so tiny that they could easily fit in a human sized chair, but since Jon wanted to avoid any conflict brought on by lack of elbow room that he decided to give each filly their own seat, with an extra fourth one for Selina to sit close by. Placing in folded hands on the table, Jon smiled at the sight of his guests having trouble getting into their seat.

The last time Jon had a guests as small in stature as these three was when he had Spike on his show. Back then he helped his small friend by picking him and placing him in his seat before he hurt himself. Following this tradition was Selina herself who took it upon herself to delicately picking up each guests in no particular order and carefully placing them in the seat closest to her working her way to the end. Some audience members shared Jon’s apparent enjoyment in this gesture by letting out a chorus of “Awws” which seemed to have embarrassed the three girls but didn’t penetrate Selina’s cold and calculating look of professionalism. Jon waited till his assistant took her seat before starting the interview, taking another few seconds for the cheering to stop. Once that happened he was ready.

“Thank you girls for joining us here today! Sorry you guys couldn’t have your own ‘Daily Show’ drinking mug we only had one left.” Jon shrugged as he pointed to his own. “Now before we began let me just say how... how incredibly different... all of... a-all of this is.”

With wild hand gestures like he was trying to start a tornado Jon motioned as how crowded it was on set with five individuals as opposed to the usual two.

“Not only do I not uh... not only do I don’t have kids on my show but I don’t think I’ve ever had three guests at once!” Jon exclaimed which made a few audience members quickly hollar in delight. “So basically what... basically what I’m saying here is unless you three have cured cancer or something I’m uh... It’s gonna be hard to convince me that his wasn’t a bad idea.”

Obviously Jon was jesting but the three fillies took this statement to heart as they quickly huddled together like a football team discussing their next play. They spoke at such a hush tone that their mics couldn't pick up what they were saying though the sound of low whispering could be heard. Soon after the three broke up their little gathering to address their human friend.

“What’s cancer?” Applebloom asked, with her two friends sharing the same look of confusion as her own.

“Well, we’re uh... were’ off to a good start.” Jon sighed as he slid hand through his hair and behind his head. “Uh forget-- forget that how... how, how, how about we do this instead! Since there’s three of you how about we do a quick introduction so... so everyone knows who you are.”

Turning now on his seat Jon extended his arm like he was offering to take one of their hooves but in practice was simply drawing the viewers eyes to them, like they were grouped into a display case. The three fillies looked at his hand to see if he was about to give them something when he made a quick gesture for them to look forward.

“Just for clarification... our uh, our guests tonight are three young fillies. And for those who aren’t up to date on equine terms.. i-it mean they’re kids.” Jon said causing a few short bursts of chuckles. “This is also why we’re are joined by my lovely assistant Selina Jensen who is acting as a chaperone to avoid any... legal problems. Say ‘hi’ Selina.”

Hearing her name more than once didn’t seemed to affect her beyond concentration for writing on her clipboard intensifying. It was only when the three young guests began to violently grab ahold of her and shake her back and forth while the crowd tried to cheer her on did she finally surrender. If not for herself than for the sake of her suit which was now getting wrinkled.

Cautiously she looked up to see that all eyes were on her but this only provoked to give a faint smile and an even more fraint wave of the hand before returning to her note taking. Deciding that this was enough Jon then turned back to his actual guests after sharing a quick chuckle with everyone else in the room.

“So... so yes, so not only am I... interviewing children this time around... there’s three of them!” Jon explained in a forced strained voice and matching worried face as he turned to face them once more. “So before we go any further... why don’t you three tell the world, who you are... aaaaand... w-what it is... that you do.”

Standing up on their hind legs all three girls placed their front hooves on the desk for balance as well as to get a good enough height advantage. Between the three of them not a single one of the were looking in the same direction, with one looking at Jon, another one looking at the audience and the third one alternating between the two.

Jon remembered what would happen next so he decided to sit back and allow this soon approaching announcement to just occur.

“I’m Scootaloo!”

“I’m Sweetie Belle!”

“And I’m Applebloom!” The three fillies said in order before coming together to speak in unison. “AND WE’RE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!”

Since Jon had been bracing himself prior he instinctively was not surprised when their shouting caused a quick burst of audio feedback. Selina wasn’t lucky as she was so surprised that she dropped her pen on the ground.

“Riiight,” Jon responded in a tone that suggested he was unconvinced. “Aaaand... what exactly is... a Cutie Mark Crusader if I may ask.”

In response all three fillies raised their hooves in the air as high as they could, waving it back and forth and chanting “me, me, me, me, me, me.” It was more or less at this point that Jon figured they weren’t too keen on the finer points of how an interview goes. The audience however found this to be adorable so like the school teacher that his own mother was Jon decided to pick a random student.

“Okaaaaay, you!” Jon said pointing to Scootaloo. He would have picked Applebloom but he wanted to avoid playing favorite.

“AWESOME!” The orange Pegasus exclaimed, pumping her fist in delight before clearing her throat. “Okay, okay, okay! We’re the Cutie Mark Crusaders and according to our oath we spend our days trying to figure out what our special talent so we can finally get our own Cutie Marks!”

Her explanation was consistent enough that most understood what she was trying to convey. Her confidence in turn caused the audience to immediately applaud her which ironically made her nervous enough to sit back down behind her friends.

“So... by now I know what a Cutie Mark is but for those who are just tuning in could you... uh... could someone give brief explanation on what exactly a Cutie Mark is.” Jon asked which again caused all three guests to beg for a chance to have a turn to talk. “Okay... let’s go with Sweetie Belle this time.”

“A Cutie Mark is a symbol that appears on a ponies flank and is supposed to represent what we’re good at.” The Unicorn explained right away. “Everypony gets one when they discover that something about themselves that makes them unique and special!”

“That’s why we are the Cutie Mark Crusaders spend everyday trying new things and going on adventures!” Applebloom added. “Because since we aint got no Cutie Marks of our own we’re trying to find out right now what it is that we’re meant to do in life!”

“You know... I’ve been meaning to talk to you three about this.” Jon said as he adjusted himself in his seat. “Don’t... d-don’t you think you girls are a bit young to uh, to be worrying yourself with such things?”

The answer was straight forward enough yet at the same time caused the three fillies to recoil in confusion.

“But... but everypony needs a Cutie Mark!” Applebloom countered.

“Yes I realize that but... but for you three are still so young!” He said. “Why-- I mean not to sound like a cynic, but why burden yourself with something as horribly soul crushing as your destined role in life?”

“Because we’re the only ones who haven’t gotten a Cutie Mark yet!” Scootaloo answered with brutal honesty. “It stinks being a blank flank!”

“Some ponies laugh at us for not having our Cutie Marks because we’re supposed to have them by now.” Sweetie Belle added. “It’s embarassing.”

“Yeah getting a Cutie Mark means you’re all grown up and stuff.” Applebloom added. “Without it you're just a filly.”

“Wait so... so, so, so in Equestria... a pony discovered what they’re true calling in life is... when they’re kids?”

“Yep!” Applebloom nodded.

“That’s depressing.” Jon commented which caused the audience to laugh. “For gods sake you’re still just kids! You should be out... uh, playing games, going outside, and having fun, not trying to discover the thing that will forever define your existence.”

“Oh don’t worry Johnny. We go outside and have fun, loads of times. Right girls?” ,” Applebloom asked, resulting in her two friends nodding in agreement.

“You do?” Jon asked.

“Yeah we’re always doing fun things.” Sweetie Belle assured him.

“Mostly it’s stuff do try and get our Cutie Marks though.” Scootaloo added which made Jon shake his head and sigh while his own audience just laughed.

“Like how last week we tried to get our transportation Cutie Mark by having Scootaloo drive ponies around in her wagon and scooter.” Applebloom listed with her head in the clouds as she tried to recall their past exploits. “Then there was that one time when we tried getting our arts and crafts cutie mark by building a statute modeled after Sweetie Belle but we accidently got her stuck in paper mache cocoon. And we also tried getting our doctors Cutie mark but then got bored and just played jump rope with the gauze.”

Jon wanted to make some kind of witty comment regarding their failed attempts in reaching pony maturity but before he could even respond with so much as a hand gesture Scootaloo took over.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah that last was fun! Like the time we tried to get our rock climbing Cutie Marks when we climbed up the side of a mountain and then saw a cave so we tried to get our spelunking Cutie Marks.” An overly excited Scootaloo recounted. “Then there was that other time we tried to get our deep sea diving Cutie Marks, or the time we thought we could get Cutie Marks in Skydiving... and-- oh, oh, oh remember the day we tried to launch myself into space with a giant slingshot to get our Space travel Cutie Mark? That was a good day!”

“Which reminds me,” Applebloom interjected. “Sweetie Belle, what do we have scheduled for next week?”

Reaching behind her back, at seemingly nothing, the off white unicorn produced a list so long that it not only tumbled on the ground from the bottom but since she started reading from the middle the top portion of the list sprawled all over Jon’s desk.

“Let’s see... uh, next week we’re going to try to get our shark taming Cutie mark, then our digging to the center of earth Cutie Mark, then the trying to get lightning in a bottle Cutie Mark and then we’ll try for our defy the laws of gravity Cutie Mark, the punching through walls Cutie Mark, playing with fire Cutie Mark, and if we have time ghost catching Cutie Mark.”

“You... you guys are seriously gonna spend an entire week trying to do all of that!?” Jon asked with a face like he smelled something putrid.

“Week?” Scootaloo responded.

“Johnny, that’s just monday.” Applebloom replied which caused Jon to slump forward into his own hands.

“Dear god,” Jon moaned over the crowds laughter. “You three need help.”

“Nah, that’s alright!” Scootaloo dismissed. “We don’t need help getting our Cutie Marks.”

“N-no,” Jon said, now getting back up. “That’s not what I--”

“I don’t know, I like it when folks try to help us like that. Like my sister!” Applebloom exclaimed. “She once tried to help me get my house maintenance Cutie Mark by clearing out the gutters, taking out the trash, and painting the side of the barn!”

“My sister helps me too!” Sweetie Belle bragged. “She once tried to help me get my financial Cutie Mark by sorting through all her receipts, files, and spending reports then doing her tax returns.”

“I uh... I don’t think it’s you they’re trying to help.” Jon hinted which unfortunately flew right over their tiny heads.

“What do you mean?” Sweetie Belle asked. “Rarity is always helping me!”

“Oh, oh remember the time we played cops and robbers!?” Scootaloo asked

“Oh yeah I remember that!” Sweetie Belle said. “This one time I went into Rarity’s bedroom and I found a pair of hoof cuffs she kept in her nightstand! I don’t know why she had them but we used them to try to arrest bad ponies and see if we could get our law enforcers Cutie Mark.”

For the first time since her weak introduction Selina looked up at the three guests the second their little anecdote ended. With a worried expression she shot a look that begged for him to swiftly change the subject and based on the look he gave to her in return she could not agree more.

“Wow... it uh... i-i-it sounds like you three have tried... just about everything to get your Cutie Marks!” Jon tried to say over the still bellowing laughter of the audience. “I’m surprised you guys haven’t figured out how to vibrate through walls yet.”

“That’s next thursday.” Sweetie Belle said as she pointed to section of her list.

“Well I... good... good luck with that.” Jon sighed like he was tried. His having to deal with three guests was starting to wear him down. “Look I... good for you for uh... for your determination and tenacity about something you care about, lord knows I know adults who aren’t as ambitious as you three. But... uh, but if you want my opinion... you-- I still say you guys are too young to be worrying yourself about such things.”

“Says you!” Scootaloo countered with such a quick rebuttal that it caused the host to flinch. “But if we’re ever going to be taken seriously we need to get our cutie marks! I mean... everypony else in our class has one!”

“It’s true, when it comes to ponies our age we’re pretty much the only ones who haven’t gotten ours yet.” Sweetie Belle added with sad eyes and lowered head. “It’s hard not to notice when we have too see everypony elses Cutie Marks during school.”

“Hm, I see how annoying that could get. I’m kinda like... ya know I’m reminded of what uh, of what Anthony Hopkins said in the movie Silence of the Lambs ‘you covet when you see everyday.’” He quoted which flew right over the heads of his guests. After Selina shot Jon an odd look for bringing up such a film he switched gears for a moment but still staying on topic. “So do... do any of the other kids at school ever tease you about not having your own Cutie Mark?”

“Some... some of them do?” Applebloom answered in a hurtful tone which made the audience groan with sympathy. “I mean... not every pony picks on us only a couple... and when they do Ms. Cheerilee steps into stop them.”

“Aaaaah I remember Ms. Cheerilee!” He said feeling somewhat nostalgic. “I had her on my show once.”

“I remember that!” Scootaloo barked. “That was totally awesome!”

“I remember that too!” Applebloom added. “I was there when you got her! Do you remember!? Huh? Do ya!?” Before Jon could answer he was interrupted by the more proper of the three three.

“Did you know that Ms. Cheerilee got her Cutie Mark when she was our age!?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“That’s right she did mention that.” Jon recalled as he idly fiddled with his pen in his hands. “If recall her Cutie Mark was... flowers right?”

“Mmmhmm!” Sweetie Belle hummed by nodding her head. “It’s supposed to represent her care for each of her students, and her desire to help them learn and grow.”

“You know... back when I had her on the show I wanted to call her out on that.” Jon revealed.

“What do you mean?” Applebloom asked.

“Okay so... she’s a teacher right?” He asked.

“Right.” All three girls said at once.

“So instead of like... I don’t know a blackboard, or some kind of textbook her Cutie Mark is... flowers.” He said. “Either she’s full of it and she’s actually some kind of gardener or these Cutie Marks of yours work in mysterious ways.”

His point registered with as joke to some of the guests present but not all of them understood that Jon was only poking fun at a friend.

“Hey!” Scootaloo barked. “Are you talking smack about our teacher!?”

“N-no! Never!” Jon nervously laughed as he held his arms up like he was being mugged. “My mom’s a teacher trust me no one respects what they do more than me. Besides Cheerilee is a good friend of mine she knows I’m just joking.”

“That’s right she is a good friend!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.

“She’s one of the best ponies we know!” Applebloom added. “And if somepony as great as her got her Cutie Mark at our age then I feel we should too!” Sharing her train of logic her two friends looked to her with nodding heads and smiles.

“Well... be that as it may I still say you three are in too much of a hurry to grow up. I know culturally it’s different where uh... w-w-where you’re from but uh... I mean gosh can I see that list of yours?” He asked, leaning forward to grab the schedule for their future activities. Taking it from Sweetie Belle the thumbed through entry after entry of things they had done and were going to do and marveled at how complicatedly dangerous some of them there. “My god girls... this is all just... whatever happened to a simple aptitude test?”

The crowd laughed but the three guests were left wondering what this new cultural difference that flew right of their heads was.

“A what now?” Applebloom asked.

“An aptitude test.” Jon repeated. “You know... a test you take that determines what your future career will be.”

With eyes that lit up like they had witnessed Christmas morning all three fillies simultaneously allowed their jaws to drop in complete surprise over this startling revelation.

“IS THAT REALLY A THING!?” Scootaloo asked as she lunged forward almostly completely atop the Daily Show desk.

“Um... y-yes, yes it is.” Jon answered. “Everyone at my school had to take one.”

“That’s so cool!” Sweetie Belle squealed. “I never thought I’d say this but... I wanna take that test!”

“Me too!” Applebloom added before all three girls started jumping up and down, clammering and pushing like pigs fighting for their chance at a trough full of food. Jon decided to put a stop to this.

“CALM DOWN, YOU GUYS! CALM DOWN!” He said in a loud enough tone that they could hear them. “I’m sorry but I’m afraid you can’t take this test.”

“Awwwwww!” All three fillies said at once before Applebloom asked the obvious question. “Why not.”

“Many reasons. One: This test was made for humans not ponies, Two: You’re too young to even take this test, and Three: They’ve stopped making those years ago.” Jon listed purposely lying on all three counts for the sake of calming them down. It did the trick but they now looked defeated and since having sad children on one’s show wasn’t the smartest business strategy Jon decided to try another route. “But uh, HEY how about... h-how about this! Can I offer some advice?”

All three fillies turned to look at each with a ‘eh why not’ look on each of their faces.

“Sure Johnny.” Applebloom allowed.

“Okay how bout this... how about you three try to find Cutie Marks that’s related to your own race?” Jon said quick on his feet with further explanation. “Like uh... like Scootaloo over here! You’re a Pegasus... why not try to get a Cutie Mark in flying or... some--something like that?”

Though perfectly innocent as it was theoretical the question seemed to have hit a chord with the scrappy and energetic Scootaloo. The second the inquiry passed Jon’s lips it made the purple haired pegasus slink back in her chair while nervously rubbing her arm like someone had punched her.

“Yeeeeaaah, I don’t think that’s going to happen any time soon.” Scootaloo said as her friends each sported a look of worry.

“Why not?” Jon asked.

“I uh... I don’t know how to fly.” She admitted.

Jon was usually a better judge of character but in this instance he was all but certain that he was having his leg pulled.

“Y-eah right... you’re... you’re joking right?” Jon asked. “How... I mean you have wings but you can’t fly? What are ya a chicken? That’d be like... that’d be like if Sweetie Belle here didn’t know how to use magic.”

And another chord was struck.

“Actually, I don’t know how to use magic.” Sweetie Belle intercepted, though unlike her friend wasn’t at all worried guilt ridden about it. “I haven’t taken magic lessons yet.”

“I’m... oh dear.” He mumbled realizing the implication of what he asked. Turning more to his right he addressed Scootaloo once again this time in a more understanding tone. “Honey I am so sorry, I had no idea.”

“Eh, that’s alright.” Scootaloo tried to shrug off. “I’ll learn someday.”

“Maybe uh... maybe Rainbow Dash could teach you?” Jon suggested.

“Yeah!” Scootaloo answered with a newly found bright smile. “That’d be awesome!”

The mere mention of her idol seemed to have perked her up just enough that Jon figured he could have some fun with the subject.

“So let me get this straight,” Jon said as he pointed his finger at each individual pony. “You can’t fly... and you can’t use magic.”

Following his lead each pony nodded their head in agreement which ended up making Jon hunch forward desperately toward his Earthpony friend.

“Okay Applebloom you’re the only one left, help me out here!” Jon asked. “You’re an Earthpony, please tell you know how to kick stuff.”

Following the audience the three fillies began to laugh at Jon’ attempt to “help” them attain their Cutie Marks. Despite his jesting this idea of attaining ones special talent through their own race did give Sweetie Belle an idea. And idea that all three guests had for muscling their way onto his show.

“Actually Johnny... there is one Cutie Mark we’ve always wanted to try and get?” Applebloom hinted

“Really? Which one?” Jon asked now looking at the list he had previously confiscated from Sweetie Belle.

“You won’t find it there.” Sweetie Belle revealed. “It’s actually a Cutie Mark we could only get by coming here... to your world.”

“Oooooh let me guess.” He began. “Yoooou... wanted to get your traveling through worlds cutie mark or being interviewed on TV Cutie mark-- OH, OH, wait, wait I know! Yooooou wanted to get... you're making an old Jewish guy laugh Cutie Mark.”

“Heh, heh, no not those.” Scootaloo chuckled. “Besides we would have gotten those ones by now anyway.”

This in turn made Jon laugh yet again, along with the audience with Sweetie Belle

“Then... then what Cutie Mark are you talking about?” Jon asked, leaning forward in anticipation.

“Weeeeell,” Applebloom said. “We’ve always wanted to try and get our... TV hosting Cutie Mark.”

There was a drawn out silence mostly at the hands of Jon who was now looking at them with squinted eyes.

“I beg your pardon.” He responded.

“We’ve always, always, always, wanted to see if we could get a Cutie Mark in interviewing on TV.” Sweetie Belle explained.

“But we ain't go no TV studios in Ponyville.” Applebloom added.

“Yeah, if we knew someone who had their own show I bet he’d let us try hosting for awhile.” Scootaloo Hinted.

Jon was now starting to understand why the three of them snuck their way into the human world and what they meant by trying to get a Cutie Mark in this world instead of back home.

“Yeah I bet if you did know someone who had their own show that would be very convenient.” Jon began.

“It really, really, really would!” Applebloom agreed as she and her friends all leaned in with begging eyes and innocent smiles.

Jon had already learned this long ago but now that is was happening on live TV those in the human world now knew that the art of children using their innocence to get what they wanted translated in the world of ponies as well.

The crowd chuckled at the sight that was the three guests staring down Jon who was in turn staring at them with an amused look about him. He had long since already made up his mind about what to do about this but he wanted to see how long he could draw it out before finally caving in to a multitude of pressure from both the guests and his own audience.

“Girls?” Jon finally said.

“Yes Jon!” All three said in perfect unison.

“Would you like to host the show for awhile?” He asked.

“Yes, please!” All three answered while jumping up and down so fast the Scootaloo accidently knocked Selina’s clipboard out of her hands.

“Okay,” Jon sighed as he got up from his seat with a smile. “Let’s get this over with.”

The three guests expressed their joy by shouting in glee but it was drowned out by the sound of the crowd jumping to their feet and cheering in joyous anticipation at the sight that was Jon and the three girls getting up and rounding the side of the desk to switch places like it was a game of musical chairs.

Like before the three needed help getting into their new seats. Both Jon and Selina, who had to change locations too, helped a pony get into a chair. The host of the show helped by grabbing two random chairs from the guests side of the desk and swiveling them over to where he was sat whereupon Selina carefully picked up a pony and placed them in a corresponding chair.

It took about a minute but when it was all set and done all three fillies were now on Jon’s side of the desk in their own seat with a single chair now on the interviewees side meant for Jon. Walking over to the other side Jon quickly wave at the still cheering audience before taking his new seat.

Or rather he would have taken his seat were it not for the quests now yelling at him.

“WAIT!” Scootaloo yelled. “STOP!”

“W-what!?” Jon said as he took recoiled his hand from the top of his chair. “What I do!?”

“You’re doing it all wrong!” Sweetie Belle added.

“What... huh, what’ya mean?” Jon asked.

“We’re the ones hosting now! So that means you’re the guest!” Applebloom explained. “You have to go backstage and wait for us to call you out.”

Playing make believe with children was something that Jon was entirely used to. To this day he still occupied a wide range of support characters to his son and daughters imagination fueled antics but this was going quite far.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.” Jon said over the laughter of the crowd. “So... s-so now only do you want to take over my show but you also want me to walk my own stage as a guest!?”

“Yep!” Applebloom responded with a smile that was enough to get Jon to do as she wished.

“I... alright.” Jon shrugged, making the crowd's laughter evolve into full on cheering. Before actually leaving however Jon reached over back to his side of the desk to grab one of his many blue pages of blank notes to write something down on it. “Just... just do me a favor and read this when it’s time alright?”

“Okay!” All three girls said before Jon sheathed his pen back into his coat pocket and stood up to point to various members of his cast and crew.

“Alright boys you know the drill!” Jon called out as she slowly made his way back stage while clapping his hands for effect. “Just pretend like it’s any other opening and we’ll be fine. Alright let’s do this!”

Before too long Jon had vanished behind the set that lead to the backstage area to a chorus of a cheering with the stagehands working desperately to get them to stop . While this was happening the three girls eagerly shifted in their seats in preparation for their big moment.

For the time being, the Daily Show now belonged to the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

Episode 19 [CMC]: Please welcome to the show Jon Stewart

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo
Guest: Jon Stewart (Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS

When Jon agreed to essentially call do over with the interview he didn’t think it would go this far. Having to go back stage while his staff members lightly scrambled to get everything back in place was a sight he rarely got to see from this angle.

The crowd had calmed down at the behest of the stagehands signaling both them and other on set workers to get ready for their interview to start up again, which included the sound guys up top who gave a thumbs up that they were ready as well. Selina herself was busy talking to the three girls and pointing to the note that Jon left for them, no doubt giving further instructions on what to do.

From the moment that the girls suggested this idea to everything ready to start over it took a good solid thirty seconds which Jon used to prepare himself for yet another important interview for the Daily Show record books. His own.

As with every third segment the screen, from the point of view of the viewers at home, when black before it quickly switched to more stock footage of the Manhattan streets followed by the shows title logo flying on screen then dissipating as the camera zoomed in on the main desk on set..

This, as always was noticed by those in the audience who promptly began to cheer as loudly as they could before silencing themselves quickly so when the camera had properly moved to the front where the three fillies were in sight they could hear them speak. It usually took a lot to get the audience to stop their chanting and hollering but since this was their first time doing this they gave them some leeway.

But mostly they didn’t want to miss a second of them as the new hosts of the show which they seemed all too eager to do.

“Hello and welcome back to the Daily Show!” Scootaloo announced, her being nervous for the situation evident by how her voice was slightly wavering.

“We have a very, very, very special guest tonight!” Applebloom eagerly added like she wanted to remind everyone that she was here too. There was a slight pause before Sweetie Belle took over by squinting her eyes at the notes that Jon wrote for her

“He is... a local... comedian... who had his own TV show... on Comedy Central as well as... voted worlds most... beautiful man in 2012... and honorary member... of... the league... of extraordinary Jews,” Sweetie Belle read in a slight robotic tone since she stopped occasionally and but great emphasis in each word to make sure she ready the intro correctly. Though both she and her two friends knew the next part by heart so after sharing a quick nod amongst each other all three girls stood to read the last portion of the intro together. “PLEASE WELCOME TO THE SHOW JON STEWART!”

Immediately Jon rushed onto the stage to see if he could not only beat him camera man from filming him leaving the back stage but also beat the audience from applauding him before he go the the halfway point. But in practice his crew proved too adept and his audience too timely for him to win either contest.

Walking his own stage at the crowd cheered him on in such a fashion felt incredibly awkward for him. He’s seen this play out before but never from the point of view of a guest. Jon continued to walk towards the desk and thought about blowing a kiss or two but he decided to go for a more classy wave of the hand instead.

Stopping his his tracks for a minute he placed both his hands on his hips and gave a quick chuckle which most just assumed was him taking all this in but in actuality it was Jon noticing that despite the fact that he was the host of the show he wasn’t getting as loud an applause as his three guests. It was to be expected but he still found it humorous.

With not that much time left to spare Jon quickly to his guest where each filly was leaning over with their hooves out like they were begging for treats. Before actually sitting down Jon gave one last wave, shook each of their hooves then carefully sat himself properly in his chair so as to not wrinkle his sports jacket.

He was impressed to how quickly the crowd calmed themselves down, again because they wanted it to be completely quiet for when the three fillies officially began the interview. Which they did very suddenly.

“Thank you for being on the show, Johnny!” Applebloom said.

“Yeah, thank you for being on OUR show!” Scootaloo corrected.

“Well thank you very much for having me.” Jon responded with a chuckle as he reached forward to grab his Daily Show much which was still on the other side of the desk. “I’m loving the show so far.”

“Thank you very much!” Sweetie Belle stated in a chipper tone as Jon took a sip of his water in preparation for the slew of questions that that was sure to soon come his way. But to his surprise that never happened.

Waiting an awkward few seconds the crowd began to chuckle at Jon who was staring at his guests now turned hosts to see if they would ask anything of him, which they did not. But while Jon took turns staring at his guests then to the crowd with uneasy looks the three young fillies simply stared at their human friends with unwavering smiles.

It looks like they were both waiting for the other to say something first with Jon finally breaking the tension.

“Uh, girls?” He said.

“Yes Jon?” All three said at once.

“This is the part where you’re supposed to ask me something.” He advised.

“O-oh right!” Applebloom blurted as she quickly grabbed her notes to see if there were any further instructions. There were not; only scribbles. “Um... w-what do we ask?”

With joyous laughter at the comedic properties at play here that the audience leaned forward with such intense concentration that a raging dinosaur bursting through the wall wouldn't have been enough to distract them from the scene that was currently unfolding.

Throwing his hands in the air in apparent defeat Jon combed his hair back and scooched forward so he could hunch himself over his desk.

“You don’t... okay I’m.... here-- actually I’m not going to tell you three what to say from here on out.” Jon explained. “If you want to get your Cutie Marks in the... glamorous field of television hosting then you need figure this out on your own.”

A sink or swim approach might not have been the best approach but Jon figured that this would be the best way for them to get the job done. He never truly believed this scheme of theirs would work and that by the end they’d walk out with still no Cutie Mark to show for it but nevertheless he was still curious to see how they would do.

The three girls still felt like a little bit of hand holding was necessary.

“But we don’t know what to say!” Sweetie Belle confessed, looking saddened by this in the process.

“Yeah come on buddy, just give us a hint!” Scootaloo suggested. “What kinds of things should we ask?”

“I don’t... you know I’ve been on other talk shows before like uh... before-- I’ve been on Letterman, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve been on O’Reily’s show a uh.. a few times and they never really asked me anything super... uh, personal.” Jon revealed as he leaned in to make counting motions with his fingers. “So... for you three ask-- I’m allowing you to ask me anything relating to my personal life if you have to. Just as long as it’s dynamic, thought provoking and open-ended... I’m your open book!”

Unsure of how to go about doing such a thing thee three girls instead huddled together once again to discuss a battle plan. The crowd laughed as the sound of their hurried whispers echoed throughout the room through the mics attached to their persons.

Occasionally they stuck their heads out like gophers to look at Jon, only to hunch back over again to discuss what their next course of action was. The result was as underwhelming as it was adorable.

“What’s your favorite color?” Sweetie Belle asked, which made the entire audience laugh as Jon quickly leaned back in his seat, looked at the audience and crossed his leg, as if to demonstrate how easy the question was.

“Uh... blue.” Jon answered, almost sounding refreshed that he got an easy one. “My favorite color is blue.”

Rather than expanding on this particular topic, like asking why that was, so that they could later transition to another set of inequalities the three young fillies went back to their previous curred up position as they discussed once again what else they should ask.

This time around they spent less time debating their next move but the result was just as uninspiring.

“What’s your favorite animal?” Scootaloo asked, once again earning the three laughter for all the wrong reasons.

“Dogs.” Jon chuckled as he leaned back even further. “I really love dogs.” This time the three girls showed signs of improvement by following up on their lackluster question.

“Oh! I have a doggy too! Her name is Winona.” Applebloom said, making an all important connection between guest and interviewer. “Do you have a pet doggy too, Johnny?”

“I actually do, his name is Champ.” Jon answered, feeling tempted to prop his legs on the desk. “He’s a three legged pit bull.”

“Wait a minute.” Applebloom interjected. “Ya’ll are telling me your doggy only has three legs.”

“That’s correct.” Jon nodded.

“Why?” Sweetie Belle asked, added a tilt of a head.

“Could you not afford one with four legs?” Scootaloo asked. After a quick laugh from Jon and those around him Jon sat back up in a more proper arch.

“Nooooo, it's because he’s a rescue.” Jon revealed. “He didn’t come from the best of backgrounds but I adopted him nevertheless.”

“Ooooh that’s so nice!” Applebloom commented only to have the room once again fill with silence. Jon could have carried the conversation further but he instead bit his tongue thereby forcing them to try and come up with a new topic.

Which they did after quickly realizing that things had died down so they huddled back together for another session of brainstorming. This time around Jon suspected that their next question would be more thought out since their group huddle lasted longer than previous attempts of coming up with ideas.

Jon was ready to have to use his analytic slide of his brain for once but like before the result was anticlimactic and what one would expect from children.

“What’s your middle name?” Applebloom asked with a clever look about her like she had trapped Jon into answering the most personal question she could think of.

“Oh geez.” Jon giggled at how silly this interview was becoming. “Uh... Stuart... my middle name... is Stuart.”

The two of the three guests made plans to once again huddle up for discuss what to say next but before they could the more observant of the three instead leaned forward to continue this line of questions as she had just noticed something.

“Wait a minute... I thought your last name was Stewart.” Sweetie Belle argued which got her two friends thinking.

“Hey, that’s right!” Scootaloo barked. “What’s the deal!? You trying to pull a fast one on us!?”

“I assure you... at my age remotely nothing about me is ‘fast.’” Jon jested, but when it failed to make the three hosts laugh it was clear they preferred an explanation. “It’s no big secret really I just don’t like using my real last name... instead I prefer to use my more anglo middle name instead.”

Believing that this question would go the way of the previous ones, I.E. get dropped for the next moondance inquiry Jon was shocked to hear a follow up question that was as powerful as it was simplistic.

“Why?” Applebloom asked.

Immediately Jon instinctively wanted to explain why through his usual joking manner, like a comedic reflex. But at the same time his mind filled in the blanks for him and reminded of the actual reason as to why he did the things he did.

Taking a moment to think Jon clicked in tongue and nodding his head in what looked like him saying through body language “not bad” at where this was going. The three girls had no idea the can of worms they had just opened.

“Why you ask? Well... for several reasons actually.” Jon said as he leaned forward to clasp his hands over his desk like he was about to pray. “Uuuh well...for one... I... I like to joke and say the reason I go by Jon Stewart rather than Jon Leibowitz is because I live in a fantastic world known as show business. You see... uh, in the realm of entertainment a trendy name can mean the difference between having a future or failing. A celebrity's name has... it, it, it needs to be catchy and recognizable enough that it just rolls off the tongue... so that any fan can say it. Using your own middle name is a good loophole that works and is why Angelina Jolie doesn’t go by Angelina Voight or why uh, or why Tom Cruise doesn’t refer to himself as Thomas Mapother.”

Although the young fillies had no idea of who he was talking about his point was being made rather effectually that they dare not speak but instead listened carefully as if they were back in school and Jon was a teacher.

“As for me well... I traded in my Jewish last name for my Scottish middle one because well... I uh, thought people could relate to it more. Going for a differnt cultures last name for the sake of your career is in itself... not unheard of.” Jon explained. “Ritchie Valens’s last name was actually Valenzuela but people thought that... that the people of the era would never accept a rockstar with such an ethnic last name.”

“But... but isn’t that... a not nice thing to do?” Applebloom asked, not knowing how to quite phrase her question. “I mean... isn’t it bad to do something just because other folks wouldn’t understand?”

“Yeah, Ms. Cheerilee taught us about that.” Sweetie Belle added. “It’s called peer pressure.”

“I suppose you’re right... maybe this is just us celebrities doing something out of fear of repercussion and maybe it isn’t the best thing that we’re throwing away our birth names but let me ask you this.” Jon presented. “Tell me does... does-- which sounds more ‘catchy’... The Daily show with Jon Stewart! Or... The Daily Show with Jonathan Leibowitz!”

Even the forward thinking innocent ponies from Equestria had to admit that the former sounded much better, as evident by their faces scrunching in disgust at the awkward sounding alternate title. Something which Jon picked up on.

“Exactly! But let me tell you something, girls... even if... even if my world was more like Equestria and... no one ever judged you by the color of your skin or by how many syllables were in your name,” he began. “Even if everything... was sunshine rainbows and acceptance I would still flat out refuse to use my real last name.”

“W-why?” Scootaloo asked, sensing a little bit of hostility in his voice.

“Because it’s my father’s last name.” Jon answered.

“Your daddy?” Applebloom asked.

“W-why don’t you want to use your dad’s last name?” Sweetie Belle asked which made Jon lean back to sigh then rock himself forward once more.

“We uh... well... you guys are too young to understand but the uh, gist of it is me and my old man had a falling out a long, long time ago.” He answered. “We always had a bit of a strained relationship and now we’re no longer in touch... it’s complicated but just know I’m not too, let’s say, overly fond of him so I don’t use his name.”

For some people in the room, like Selina and the more knowledgeable fans, this wasn’t anything new but for other like the Cutie Mark Crusaders this was as shocking as it was tragic to hear. This time the three fillies didn’t even have to huddle up to know what to say next.

“We’re sorry.” The three said with sad tones and even sadder looks of guilt.

“Sorry for what?” Jon genuinely asked.

“For making y’all have to talk about something real personal and such.” Applebloom confessed while nervously playing with her bow while her friends just stared at their own hooves. Jon was very much unaffected by this and demonstrated as such by giving a hearty laugh.

“It’s quite alright. I’m fine with talking of such things so no need to worry.” Jon assured them but at the same time they looked uneasy about asking about it. “Seriously though that was a great question! You asked something, I answered it, you followed up on it and got me to respond by opening up with something personal about my life! In my line of work we call that a one, two, punch.”

“R-really?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“Yeah I’m serious!” He tried to get them to see. “And if it makes you guys feel any better I have perfectly healthy relationship with everyone else in my family... except for the annoying ones.”

This time the intended humor was enough to get the three to return to them temporary jobs as hosts.

“So, what other family members do you have?” Scootaloo asked.

“Uh well... there’s my mom who I’ve already told you about... she’s a school teacher.” Jon reminded. “And then there’s my wife Tracey... she’s a veterinary technician and the two of us have two kids: Maggie and Nathan... who are about your guys’ age.”

“What do they do?” Applebloom asked.

“Pardon?” He said leaning in more to hear them better.

“What do your kids do?” Scootaloo repeated on behalf of her friend. “Your mom is a teacher and your wife is a vet... so what are your kids.”

“O-oh you mean... oh well my kids they... they mostly just sit around the house playing video games all day.” Jon answered.

“Maybe playing video games is their special talent.” Applebloom suggested.

“God I hope not!” He responded which made the audience laugh but left the three girls confused.

“How come?” Scootaloo asked.

“Do you not like video games?” Sweetie Belle added.

“Well no it’s not-- I mean yeah I myself used to play them back in the late 70’s, early 80’s.” Jon admitted now feeling nostalgic. “Goodness I remember playing pong for the first time and thought this was amazing... then they blew my mind when they came out with Pac-man and Tetris and I thought ‘wow there’s no way videogames are getting any better than this.’”

No one in the studio could be classified a leading expert on videogames, least of all the the people on stage, but those in the audience laughed at Jon’s dated opinions on the medium.

“You know I remember when I had a falling out with uh... w-w-with video games it was right around the time they started to add buttons... then things got waaay too complicated. I did like Space Invaders but after that.” Jon continued. “LIke-- I mean nowadays I feel like you need a PhD before holding one of those new video game controllers that have like 30 buttons on it. And now controllers have their own touch screens on it! It’s insane!”

“Well maybe your kids can teach you.” Applebloom suggested which made Jon laugh almost mockingly

“Oh, ho,ho they’ve tried... trust me they’ve tried. My kids have tried to get me to play with them now and again but I-I-I just can’t get the hang of it. Apparently pressing a button is much different than holding one down and then you have so put the controller up to your face to try and register your own-- I just... I just don’t understand.” Jon answered. “But more than anything else I think... I think the reason I’m not fond of it all is because well... coming from someone who has lived for a long time I feel like it’s just much... much too violent for something that’s obviously aimed towards kids.”

There were some in the audience who verbalized their disagreement with Jon’s archaic opinions.

“I remember not too long ago my kids dragged me to see a movie called ‘Wreck-it-Ralph’ which was an animated movie about video games and at one point the main characters turns to the audience and says ‘when did videogames become so violent and scary’ so that’s-- and that’s basically my feelings as well.” Jon added. “I get the appeal but good lord some of the games are just... too much! You have games like Mortal Kombat where you dismember people and slow motion and gruesome ways... I’ve seen Stanley Kubrick and Peter jackson films with less gore.”

“But you said you played video games too!” Scootaloo countered.

“Yes but back then things were more basic... a simpler time if you will.” Jon explained. “Besides when I played those old games I wasn’t a kid... I was more of a ‘young adult’... I mean when I was your guys’ age I mostly either watched TV or played outside with my friends.”

Raising her hoof in the air, only to quickly recoil since she remembered she was the one asking the questions now Sweetie Belle then began to ask a proper follow up.

“What games did you play with your friends?” She asked which made Jon lean forward to see the long list of future endeavors still on their side of the desk.

“Nothing on that list of yours I’ll tell ya that.” Jon answered by motioning to her large roll of scribbled parchment. “Uh, but... to answer your questions we uh... we did all kinds of things, we played, capture the flag, telephones, marbles... uh, tag, hide and seek, Duck Duck Goose, Johnny on the pony, Marco Po--”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Scootaloo interrupted before a brief pause of silence “What was that last one.”

Before actually answering Jon noticed that as well as his three guest Selina as well as those in attendance were now staring at him with confused looks.

“What? You mean Johnny on the pony?” He repeated immediately realizing what was so jaunting. “Ooooh... I... okay okay that... that is an actual game I’m not making this up... go on Google if you don’t believe, it’s there.”

“Is... is it named after you?” Applebloom asked.

“No, no, no, no it’s been around forever.” Jon answered. “Way before my time even.”

“How does it involve ponies?” Sweetie Belle asked.

“There’s... there’s no ponies involved it’s just a game where one group of friends tries... they try to climb on the backs of another group of friends.” He explained. “Kinda like leap frog.”

“If it’s not named after you or even has ponies then why is it called ‘Johnny on the pony?’” Scootaloo asked.

“W-well actually it’s only called that here in New York.” He revealed.

“Well what’s it called everywhere else?” Sweetie Belle wanted to know.

“Buck Buck.” Jon answered.

There was a tiny moment of silence which was broken by the three fillies unable to contain themselves. Lurching forward and covering their mouths with their hooves the three began to giggle to themselves without any proper parental figure to tell them to cease.

The entire crowd followed their example and soon Jon found himself laughing by proxy. These three were highly contagious characters.

“You sound like you were a weird kid!” Scootaloo teased which intensified the laughter of those who heard, including Jon.

“Hey, hey, hey look who’s talking!” Jon countered. “Call me crazy but I’d rather spend my youth having fun than trying to do what you guys do... I mean seriously enjoy being kids while you still can!”

“That’s easy for you to say, you probably figured out your special talent when you were our ages too!” Scootaloo suggested.

“Actually... would you believe me if I said that’s not true at all.” Jon responded.

“I-it’s not?” Sweetie Belle said.

“How old were you when you discovered your very special talent, Johnny?” Applebloom asked. In response Jon leaned back and rubbed his chin to get an exact estimate that they would understand.

“Well let’s see here... well, I’ve always been the quintessential class clown at heart but to be honest I-- comedy wasn’t something I always thought I’d uh, I’d be doing. Back in 84’ I uh, I was a college kid majoring in chemistry before switching to psychology.” Jon recalled as far back as he could. “And then the next thing I knew uh... after that I was holding down many odd jobs here and there to help support myself. I was a contingency planner for... f-for the New Jersey Department of Human Services, I was a contract administrator for the City University of New York at one point... I was a puppeteer, a soccer coach, a caterer, a busboy, a shelf checker, a bartender I just... I did anything to get by.”

“Wow!” The three girls moaned in shock at the different occupations once held by Jon, most of them no where near the field of comedy. They all assumed that Jon always knew what he wanted to do in life but to hear that he, at once point, cycled through so many professions and they themselves do to this day was something they didn’t think they’d have a connection with.

“So... so you used to play with puppets?” Scootaloo asked.

“Y-yes I... I most certainly did.” Jon chuckled at the fact that this was the point the young pegasus took away. “It was for disabled kids. But uh... but going back to your main question of uh, of ‘how old was I when I found my special talent’ well... let’s put it this way... I was a little bit older than your guys’ sisters when I discovered my calling at as a comedian.”

“Seriously!” All three exclaimed at once.

“Yeah... how did you think I’d discovered my passion for comedy?” Jon asked which made all three fillies briefly look at each other waiting for someone brave enough to step up.

“Well,” Applebloom began. “We just thought ya’ll found out when you were a kid then spend the rest of your life getting better at it like everypony else.”

“HA HA HAAAAAA! As if! I didn’t really ‘hone my skills’ till much later... it was after college when I moved back to the big apple... man I remember working all the local clubs that famous comedians like, Cosby, Belzer and Billy Crystal played at to get my name out.” Jon explained. “And even then I barely got my foot in the door... I mean I’ve only had this show for 14 years... that’s just a small fraction of my life.”

The three girls were stunned by this revelation.

“Wow.” Scootaloo said. “I knew you were old... I just didn’t know you were that old.” Her genuine surprise made the comedic punch all the more severe.

“Hey now that’s-- wait a second... how old did you girls think I was?” Jon asked. With a gulp each pony looked at each other then back at Jon. None of them had the answer, nor were they equipped to make an educated guess.

The crowd found themselves laughing at the sight of the three tiny hosts now falling back on their previously strategy of huddling together to discuss possible answered. Jon was all too willing to let them converse for awhile but in truth they couldn't decide on a number. Throwing caution aside the three returned to their human friend and each blurted a number they thought appropriate.

“80!”

“30!”

“50!” They each shouted out.

“Wait!” Jon yelled leaning in with narrowed eyes. “Which one of you thought I was 30?”

At first no one moved, like they were fearful that if they did Jon would pounce like a starving lion. But soon the truth was revealed by Sweetie Belle slowly raising her hoof.

“I did?” She confessed which prompted Jon to grab his mug of water and slid it over to her side of the table.

“You get the Daily Show mug.” He rewarded which made the audience equal parts laugh and applause the tiny Unicorn on her prize while her two friends pouted amongst themselves. Feeling proud of herself Sweetie Belle stuck her snout into the class container and took a victory sip of her beverage while her friends remained silent.

“So... you have any more riveting questions for me?” Jon asked.

“No!” Scootaloo and Applebloom said as they turned their heads.

“Oh hey now come one there’s no need for that.” Jon advised. “Just cause Sweetie Belle got the mug doesn’t mean you should ignore me.”

“It’s not that! Scootaloo admitted.

“It’s just... it’s just we sorta ran out of things to talk about.” Applebloom added.

“Oh what a shame. And here I thought you had more juice than that.” Jon teased. “Come on girls I’m sure if you try you’ll think of something... just pretend it’s 20 questions or something.”

With two thirds of the CMC still in a pouty mood Sweetie Belle was left to fill the blanks for her two friends.

“Hey!” She explained. “You play 20 questions too!”

“Oh... so you know that game?” Jon noticed before actually answering the question. “I sure do... now that’s a game I used to play with my old friends”

“Oh, oh, oh can we!?” Applebloom asked profusely.

“Can we what?” Jon responded.

“Can we play 20 questions?” She elaborated. Jon did not think that having an interview with children would eventually dissolve into literal child’s play but for the sake of his crowd who were now chanting and cheering encouragement he decided to go along with it.

“You know what? Why not?” Jon said which caused the crowd to cheer him on for his decision. But while Applebloom and Sweetie Belle seemed to be all for this Scootaloo still had her hooves folded across her chest in defiance for not being the one who got her own mug. Jon aimed to fix this. “Hey come on, Scoots, let’s play. It’ll be fun. Right, folks!?”

Still in pout mode even Scootaloo found herself unable to combat the wave of peer pressure that her teacher warned her about coming from the audience. Her caving in was envidiable as the tides.

“Ooookay, I’ll play.” She grumbled though couldn’t hide her emerging smile at the prospect. “B-but only if I get to go first.”

“By all means,” Jon displayed his hands to show that he was allowing her the chance to go first.

“Okay, okay!” She said before stopping to think someone off hand. “I’m thiiiinking... of a pony.”

“Is it Rainbow Dash?” Jon wondered. This in itself didn’t make the crowd laugh so much as it was Scootaloo’s reaction that did, it was a mixture of surprise and defeat and beautifully expressed that had already lost.

She knew it and so did Jon.

“Okay my turn!” Jon announced as he rubbed his hands in anticipation. “Okay now I’m thinking of a... human.”

Scootaloo was still in shell shock to object to it being his turn, let alone take a guess but soon she, as well as her two friends, realized how much of a handicap they had in this ordeal. Being from a completely different world than Jon’s they now found themselves realizing that with their lack of knowledge of human culture and figures chances are they would never guess who he was thinking even even with 100 chances.

Jon preempted this and was waiting for a forfeit when something caught his attention, something that didn't think he would ever see during this interview and that was his assistant looming over to talk to the three little ponies.

At first when he witnessed her leaning forward he believed it to be her merely adjusting herself in her seat but when she stretched her arms out to grab each pony and pull them close he realized that she was initiating a group huddle of her very own as she quietly whispered to them which in turn caused smiles and nodding heads.

“What are you up to, Selina?” Jon wondered at the four young ladies disbanded to their respective spots before addressing him once more.

“Is the human you’re thinking of famous?” All three asked at once in a form of teamwork that got Jon nervous.

“Y-yes.” Jon answered.

“Bruce Springsteen!” All three answered at once. This time the crowd was laughing at Jon who immediately dropped his jaw in surprise. It was a familiar look once sported by Scootaloo and was all the proof anyone needed that this round went to team CMC.

“Okay I think we’re done with this game.” Jon said causing everyone in the room, including Selina to laugh as Jon pretended to get up and walk away only to sit back down. “You know girls I must say... so far I’m impressed. Between besting me at my own game and those excellent questions from before I must admit you hosted the show very admirably.”

“Really!” All three responded with glee.

“Why yes,” He confirmed. “Why I would go as far as to say that perhaps you found your true calling.”

Hearing this caused a shimmer of hope to explode in their hearts, which propelled them upwards to stand in their chairs. Before Selina could reach out to make sure they wouldn't fall the three arched themselves back so that they could get a view of their haunches.

For some this was an odd position to take seemingly out of no where but Jon knew exactly what this was. After a few seconds of quick observation the three friends found what they were looking for... or rather didn’t find. Immediately this cause the shimmer of hope they once had to vanish as they plopped themselves back to their seat grumping with faces like they bit into a chocolate chip cookie only to discover it was raisons.

“No luck huh?” Jon noticed, getting sorry looks and shakes of the head in response. “Sorry guys, maybe next time.”

“Dude... this stinks!” Scootaloo commented.

“Yeah.” Sweetie Belle agreed. “You even said we did a good job but we still didn’t get our TV hosting Cutie Marks!”

“Oh well.” Applebloom sighed. “Another one crossed off the list, huh girls?”

Jon knew this wasn’t going to happen, on the basis that it took years of practice and dedication to do this profession properly. But even though he wasn’t at all surprised to see that their attempt ended in failure still he felt bad that they didn’t succeed, and on live television no less. Out of sympathy he decided to give one one last chance. Again he knew it wouldn’t work but it never hurt to try.

“Hey tell ya what... we still have some time left in the show and wel... there is one thing you haven’t tried yet that could help you get those Cutie Marks.” Jon hinted.

“There is!” Scootaloo exclaimed.

“Tell us Johnny! Tell us, tell us, tell us!” Sweetie Belle demanded.

“Okay, okay here um... here give me that.” Jon said as he reached out to grab his notes. Reaching into his jacket he he pulled out his pen and began to write something down as he did before with the audience talking amongst themselves as to what it could be, getting Jon’s attention by briefly looking over to his fans. “I’m almost done; gimme a sec.”

After a writing down a few sentences with corresponding names Jon fell back to his seat and allowed his tiny friends to read what he had jotted down. They understood what this was and after Jon extended his arm to show that he was ready they began to speak.

“Thank you so much for coming onto the show today, Jon.” Scootaloo began as she read her lines, never once looking at him or the audience. “You’ really appreciate you taking the time to be here.”

“Listen... we need... to go to a... commercial break.” Sweetie Belle added looking at Jon but reading her lines as carefully as she could. “Would you mind... sticking around for a five minutes and we’ll stick the rest... up on the web.”

“Sure, I’d love to!” Jon said, grabbing her hoof for a quick shake which surprised her.

“Thanks again for being here!” Applebloom said reading off her lines but placing it back down to turn to the audience as she knew this part by hear. “Jon Stewart everypony! We’ll be right back!”

The crowd erupted with applause so suddenly that Selina had to quickly catch Scootaloo who had fallen backwards in shock. Soon both she and Jon stood to their feet to also give their own round of applause at how well the three friends held their own in their first interview.

Between the crowd cheering at them, Selina shaking each of their hooves and Jon leaning forward to whisper something in their ears the three didn’t even have time to check their flanks to see if their outro was enough to earn them their new Cutie Marks. At that moment they no longer cared, for one fleeting moment they had no interesting in Cutie Marks or any future endeavors relating to it they were just happy to be on stage with good friends and enjoying the fun of the moment.

Jumping on the table the three girls began to wave as the camera panned away to get a good shot of the still crowded set while the Daily Show logo came on screen then vanished, taking with it the show to it’s next commercial break.

Episode 20 [Discord]: The dream sequence

Episode 20 [Discord]: The dream sequence

It is believed by some that the best way to truly understand a person is to work under the assumption that most characteristics they portray about them are a facade, and that their real self is being held back. A rather cynical theory one might say, but in some ways there might be some truth behind it.

Societal rules and regulations mean that to at least some degree there are certain aspects about oneself that would be considered against the norm, and are therefore willingly subsided for

whatever reason, be they a matter of social hierarchy or law.

The belief that we are truly ourselves when we operate at a level of uninhibited consciousness is an idea shared in many different forms.

A famous author once said “Write drunk; edit sober” as a means to express that we are only at our most creative when we set aside the constraints within our own mind and operate on a level where we are no longer held back from thinking freely.

Artists aren’t the only ones who feel this way-- in fact there is a large group in the medical field who share this idea. And while you’ll never hear your physician give you a prescription of Coors Light, if you took a shot every time a psychologist asked you if you had any interesting dreams lately you’d probably be in the perfect state to get some writing done.

Yes if ever there were a group of people who believed the best way to understand one’s problem is through the unfiltered subconscious it would be those in the mental health profession. And while getting your patient drunk would probably be a more direct route, analyzing one’s dreams is just as good.

How vivid or symbolical one’s after-hour delusions are can be a good indicator of what they’re really feeling. And lately no one’s were more vivid than those of Jon Stewart’s.

Ever since he started interviewing guests from Equestria, and later actually traveling to their world, he had been having the most realistically unforgettable dreams, and, in cases such as this, nightmares.

This was to be expected since Equestria looked like one big dream world, Jon having been unsure if it wasn’t exactly that the first time he visited, but lately these nightmares were taking a toll on him. As was the case when his dream of plummeting down into nothingness ended with him rolling out of bed and landing face first.

“Frerogh!” Jon mumbled as he was unable to let loose a simple expletive, his descent to the ground accompanied by his bed sheets wrapping around his head and left leg, making it awkward to find balance.

After thrashing so hard he accidentally hit his foot against the bedpost, he finally freed himself from his blanket cocoon. He had already struggled himself up into a sitting position where he was simultaneous gasping for breath and rubbing his now aching foot.

The sight of him sitting up against his bed injured and breathlessly looking in every direction might fool some into thinking he was having some kind of Vietnam flashback, but really he was just passing through that small window of awakening where he was determining whether what just happened to him was real or not.

After a few seconds of mental thought (during which he noted he was feeling pain) the higher cognitive part of his brain finally came to the conclusion that he was in fact back in reality. This was further cemented when Jon stood up only to have a concentrated ray of sunshine land directly on his delirious face.

“Aw jeez,” he moaned as he rubbed his eyes with one hand and made a stretching motion with his free arm. “Another bad dream.”

Placing both hands at the base of his chin, Jon slowly worked his fingers across his face and eventually to the top of his head where he slid them through his thinning hair. All while observing the scattered mess that was his bed which was a testament to how rough his night had been; his tossing and turning no doubt annoying his wife who wasn’t currently present in the room.

Skipping the usual routine of making his bed, weighing himself before taking a shower, and getting dressed, Jon instead opted to slog his way to the door that led to the hallway. With infinite slowness he walked towards the top of the stairs with one hand on the railing for balance as he was still shaking off the remnants of morning grogginess.

His trip was longer and louder than expected, since his foot ached and putting extra weight on his other leg made the floor creak. This display of oafish wandering also included eyes almost completely shut and head looking down to avoid the natural sunlight that still manage to find him. In addition he found it necessary to scratch himself in obscene places without a second thought. Jon was at summit of the stairs when he realized something.

He was completely alone.

Not once did he bump into someone or have a family member complain about his abominable display. Turning around he got a good view of his bedroom which still contained no trace of his wife, though that wasn’t in itself odd since no matter what the situation Tracey was always up first. But further investigation proved that the room next on the hallway, which was the kid’s room, its door open like his own, was also vacant. And if they were up and about he would’ve heard them.

The next room before Jon’s study was the guest’s bedroom that was previously held by Trixie. Jon didn’t need to look inside to know it was just as empty as the rest.

Taking a deep breath which worked its way into a yawn, Jon descended the stairs, working through the now almost completely subsided pain in his foot. Each step brought with it more creaking made more noticeable by the constant silence of the house.

Now in the living room, Jon was tempted to take a hard left to the entertainment room and plop himself on the couch where he would no doubt fall back to sleep, but this was his day off and he wanted to make the most of it. So by using his hand which was still sliding against the railway, Jon swung to his right like he was trying to slingshot himself into the kitchen. To his surprise once he did he realized he was no longer alone.

“Hello,” Tracey said from the seat she had taken opposite the table as if she was expecting him and wanted to say the first word. Jon’s eyes were still struggling to adjust but he could tell she was enjoying a cup of coffee. “Wanna cup?”

“Nyeesherf,” Jon grumbled as he sat down in the first seat he could find. Fortunately the two had been married long enough that she was fluent in mumble. With a smile that Jon couldn't see, since his head was buried in the table, Tracey got up and walked a few feet to the counter where she poured another helping of coffee, along with the precise serving of sugar and cream she knew her husband liked.

From her attire Jon could tell she was just as free from the day-to-day grind as he was, since she was still wearing her bathrobe and slippers. There was no way she would still be in the house at this hour if she had work, and even if she was on call she would be wearing a more proper outfit.

Despite his plan to stay awake, Jon found himself drifting off again, uncomfortably hunched over the kitchen table. This was soon remedied by his wife placing his beverage next to his face, causing him to jolt upwards and back into Tracey's shoulder since she had position herself in such a way as to catch him.

“Here you go, sweetie,” she cooed after giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

Quickly, in case his sloth kicked back in, Jon grabbed his coffee and carefully took a small sip. This was the all too familiar test sip like a man carefully dipping his foot in a lake to see how cold it was. It was only when Jon tilted his head back and took three larger gulps did he realize that she had prepared it just right.

“Ahhhhhhhhh!” Jon sighed as Tracey rubbed the top of his messy hair. “Perfect!”

“Glad you like it,” she replied as she made her way to the sink to clean her mug and wash her hand, since Jon’s head was a mess of grease and hair products. “Rough night?”

“You could say that!” Jon struggled to say as he stretched his arms to both sides. “What time is it?”

“12:30,” Tracey answered.

“I think this is a record for me,” Jon said in a guilty sounding tone. “Why didn’t you wake me up sooner?”

“Would it have made a difference?” she asked with Jon still looking guilty but now avoiding eye contact. “You and I both know nothing short of an explosion can get you out of that bed.”

“I’m not that heavy of a sleeper,” Jon challenged, taking another sip of coffee.

“Oh yes you are!” she chuckled, sitting back down. “I could never get your ass up when I needed to. The only person who could was... oh.”

Stopping for a second, Tracey realized she was inches away from saying the name that would not only completely wake up her still drowsy husband, but would promptly throw him into realms of depression. Or so she thought.

“You mean Trixie?” Jon finished, causing Tracey to place her hand over her mouth as if she was the one who said it. “Trace, I’m fine, really. You don’t need to tiptoe around the issue with me... I miss her too.”

Determined to keep things at a chipper pace, Tracey decided to play along.

“She really was the only one who could get you up on time, wasn’t she?” She smiled which made Jon do the same.

“She sure was,” he agreed. “If it wasn’t pouring cold water on my face or forcibly kicking me out of bed it was a magic pulse or teleporting me into the hallway with that one.”

“Wait... that’s how she woke you up each day?” Tracey asked.

“More or less,” Jon answered, confused by the look of concern on her face. “W-why... how did she wake you up?”

Without her mug of coffee it was hard to stall from answering the question before things got too awkward. Shifting in place like she was itchy, Tracey ran her hand across the back of her head where she eventually nervously scratched the side of her neck.

“She uh... she would just poke my shoulder,” she answered, now getting up to leave the kitchen and enter the living room. “Either that or gently rub my forehead.”

Now in two separate rooms, Tracey missed the incredulous look on Jon’s face as he couldn't believe how much better of treatment she had received than himself. Tracey was worried this would cause her husband some lingering animosity towards their beloved pony friend, but really it just made him chuckle like he was remembering the good ol’ days.

“Yeeeeep,” Jon said as he held his drink out for another sip. “That’s our Trixie.”

From where Jon sat he could no longer see his wife who was busy tidying up in the living room. Even if he turned around to look in her general direction there was still a segment of wall that separated the kitchen from the living room in Jon’s way.

Looking over his shoulder so he could hear her better, Jon could gather from the sound of squeaking and clunking noises that she was picking up Maggie and Nathan’s toys.

“So where are the kids?” Jon said loud enough for her to hear him. “Did you trade them in for newer models like I asked?”

“No, no. Nathan’s at a friend’s house and Maggie’s out with Grandma so we have the entire place to ourselves,” she answered.

“Oh, I like the sound of that!” Jon replied, now emerging from the kitchen, mug in hand. “But I’m afraid I can’t stay for very long, I still have to go out and get the mail, then I have to swing by work to pick up some documents I forgot to fill out, then I need to--”

“Seriously? You’re still gonna work even though you’re not scheduled to have another episode for a week?!” she asked. “Come on hun, you’ve had such a long year... you deserve some time to relax.

“Yeah buuuut...” Jon said while sucking air through his teeth. “If I don’t get those forms now I’ll have to wait till Monday and by that time I’ll probably--”

“Oh come on! We both finally have the same day off and the kids are gonna be out all day!” she protested as Jon peaked through the living room window at the outside world. “It’s just you and me aaaaall alone! Let’s make the most of this!”

Suddenly, a new wave of energy, perhaps the caffeine, began to surge through Jon. The prospect of not having to deal with kids and having the pleasure of his wife's company all to himself was an occurrence too rare to pass up.

“You know what?” Jon eyes snapped open in realization as he leaned up against the door and took another sip. “Screw it, let’s do your plan.”

“Wait... really?!” Tracey said, surprised that she got her stubborn-headed husband to actually go along with her idea.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here and do something fun,” Jon added, which caused Tracey to get so excited she dropped the toys that she had previously picked up. “Okay, I’m going to go upstairs and shower while you get dressed. Do me a favor and call that restaurant your boss told us about the other day and see if they’ll--”

“Actually... I already have an idea of where we can go,” Tracey offered.

“R-really?” Jon said, sounding unsure. The fact that she had an idea wasn’t what made him concerned, but rather it was because she looked and sounded like she was about to suggest something wildly inappropriate. She was much more grounded than Jon so he was now somewhat worried. “W-where did you have in mind?”

“Weeell it’s a place we’ve been to before... you’ve been there more times than I have... great place with great people but at same time kind of dangerous but far enough away from this place,” she described with Jon giving her an unsure look. “I know you know this... colorful characters, crazy and bizarre looking creatures, and everyone knows you there.”

“What? New Jersey?” Jon joked as he had to forcibly stop himself from taking a drink lest he spit it out in surprise.

“No silly!” she responded. “I was wondering if we could go back... to Canterlot.”

It was worse than Jon thought.

“Oooooh honey!” Jon moaned as he rubbed his closed eyes.

“Okay, okay, hear me out first!” Tracey said, hoping to again convince Jon to see things her way. “The last time we went there was amazing! I understand you commute there fairly often but as for me well... I’ve been dying to go back for a while now... I love that place!”

“Trace I thought you said you wanted to take my mind off of work,” Jon countered. “Not jump straight into it.”

“But you wouldn't be going for work!” she argued as she jogged up to Jon to grab his face. “We’d be going just to have fun! No interviews, no scheduling, just us... having fun.”

Carefully setting down his coffee on a nearby table, Jon gently grabbed ahold of Tracey's hand with his own, clasping them together. He never did like telling his wife no, but at the very least he would try to do so as nicely as he could.

“Honey... nothing would make me happier than to see you happy but remember how you said I’ve had a rough year?” he reminded, getting a nod back from his beloved wife. “Well... that place is the cause of most of it... I love it just as much as you but sometimes it can be a bit much.”

Hearing this made her face change mood from hopeful optimism to sunken regret for ever bringing it up. Jon hated this sight to such degree that he quickly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close for a loving embrace, though more realistically it was so he could avoid looking into her saddened eyes.

As much as he loved Equestria, lately it’d been somewhat stressful for him to be in its vicinity. The last couple of times he’d been there were particularly stressful for him, what with Trixie being in the hospital and Jon having been almost killed. He wasn’t certain that going back in person was the right call and he was determined to convince his wife to see the same.

“Hey now don’t be that way,” Jon begged. “We can still have fun here in our own backyard.”

Shifting in place, Jon wrapped an arm around her shoulders and motioned to the front door as if it were open and waiting for them to step through.

“You forget we live in New York! The greatest city in the world,” Jon boasted, which did very little to cheer her up. “A place so nice they named it twi--”

Suddenly and without warning Jon was cut off by a screeching sound of tires just outside their complex. This sound was followed by an all too familiar accompanying soundbite of a crash so loud that it made multiple car alarms go off at once.

Whatever it was it was loud enough that they could hear the sound of scampering coming from deeper in the house from their dog hiding in fear. If Jon were still asleep this would be just the thing to have awoken him no problem.

Swapping similar looks of surprise and curiosity, both Jon and Tracey rushed over to the window where they struggled to open the blinds. Jon was the first to grab the cord, leaving Tracey to quickly adjust her robe so she wasn’t showing any skin for when the outside world would be viewable.

Like a circus finale, Jon managed to part the curtains in time to hear another familiar sound of police sirens coming from all sides. But what really got their attention was what was laid out in front of them.

A car had crashed into the side of a telephone pole so deep that it looked like the vehicle would split down the middle. The driver wasn't visibly injured though he was unconscious so it was unclear whether he was alive or not. Neither Tracey nor Jon had any idea who this man was but judging by how the police cornered him and promptly went into surrounding positions they could infer that he was a criminal.

The sight before them would have been enough to making anyone cringe with disgust at the carnage or maybe turn away and hide from the inhumanity of it all, but by this point Jon and Tracey were seasoned New Yorkers and could only sigh with contempt.

The couple didn’t even look at each other to know what the other was thinking. Jon found this very irritating but not because a police car chase resulted in a car crash just outside his house, but because as a New Yorker seeing this unfold not thirty feet away didn’t faze him one bit. It was such a regular occurrence that a part of him was surprised that it had been so long since the last time this happened.

New York City had made him jaded.

“You know,” Jon offered with a look of annoyance mirroring Tracey’s. “We can still have a good time here in the city without--”

It was at that moment that fate decided to put an end to their arguing and decide for them what their next move would be. This time in the form of the very same pole that the car had crashed into tumbling down, dragging with it a series of wires that eventually snapped, causing the power for the entire block to go out.

Jon and Tracey could hear the hum of various electrical devices around the house powering down.

Not only that but since the electrical wires were now strewn about the road some of the on scene cops got on their radios to call in support, whereupon the entire road would be closed off to the public for their own safety.

They were trapped.

With another sigh Jon closed the curtains, took his coffee from off his desk, and made his way to the stairs where he would grab his cellphone from his study, all the while sporting the same look of annoyance as his wife.

“Calling Celestia?” Tracey yelled over her shoulder.

“Calling Celestia,” Jon answered, now halfway up the stairs.

Episode 20 [Discord]: "Vacation" at the castle

As is the case with most things, the effects of teleportation vary from person to person. Equestria is a world without humans and similarly the human world is a place without magic, so there wasn’t an exact study about how magic works on homosapians.

The general rule of thumb was that side effects appear more often the older you get.

The way by which a teleportation spell works is easy to understand in concept. Teleporting something small only a few feet is easier and uses less magic than teleporting something larger further away. In practice the greater the feat the more of a strain it puts on the user and the target.

When something is teleported its molecules get broken down bit by bit, rearranged, and then sent somewhere else where it is formed back as a whole. And since most ponies were the same small size it was easier both on the one casting the spell and the one receiving it. The rule of older equals more difficult didn’t just apply to larger stature. Younger individuals both pony and human have a stronger immune system and sturdier frame, making them better able to resist magical side effects. In addition, most ponies in Equestria were subjected to some form of magic or another at a very young age, meaning that when they grew older they were used to it.

But for someone like Jon, who was larger in mass than the average pony and quite older, having his entire body broken up and put back together had some unwanted aftereffects. Usually these came in the form of a brief stomach ache that went away after about an hour; half an hour if he got some rest.

His wife Tracey on the other hand had only had interaction with magic back when she and Jon were invited to Canterlot for dinner. When she did she found that being tossed between worlds gave her a slight headache, which she didn’t think much of at the time, but when she rediscovered that same throbbing sensation in her frontal lobe she realized what her symptom was caused by.

Her headache wasn’t made easier by her having to shout at her husband the second they touched down at Canterlot Castle.

“Honey!” Tracey yelled at the sight of Jon running down a nearby hallway, her voice made more irritating the second time around when it echoed back. “Where are you going?!”

“I’ll be back in a second!” Jon roared as he turned a corner, his voice vibrating back and forth. “I want to try something!”

Tracey’s plan of having a romantic one day, kid-free getaway with her beloved partner didn’t start very well with her husband running away from her as fast as he could, no doubt to try an attempt to do something to embarrass her later.

Her slight annoyance was then broken by the realization that she was now back at Canterlot Castle rather than their Manhattan home. She had been here before (briefly before heading down to Canterlot City), and in this hallway in particular, but she still found herself awestruck by the scenery.

Her current location was Celestia’s version of a waiting room, where she either had a pony wait before being teleported to New York or just used as a nice, quiet area for visiting delegates and ambassadors to relax or prepare themselves, and whenever Jon felt the need to come here this is where he would end up, but unlike his Daily Show waiting room this place was beyond upscale.

Structured like a small ballroom, this room was spherical with a roof that bore a painting of mythical ponies that anyone who knew basic Equestrian history would recognize, but for Tracey were completely foreign.

The rounded out feature of the building’s roof combined with the mural which experimented with imagery getting larger the further it went along, giving the illusion that the ceiling was expanding and never ending. This kind of eye wizardry didn’t do much to help with her left over fatigue, so instead she moved her gaze downwards to the walls of this large room which like the ceiling seemed to go on forever.

Immense size wasn’t the only thing that made this room a wonder to behold. Along with every window being stained glass artwork which bathed the room in a vibrant sunlight, the walls never went a few feet without there being some kind of lovingly carved statue propped up close to an ivory bench.

Like with the ceiling, paintings, and every other form of artistic imagery, these towering marble figures were of famous historical figures, but to Tracey she just felt surrounded, like she was a pawn on a chessboard flanked on all sides by the enemy’s chess pieces... or in this case knights.

Daunting though it was, Tracey found herself raptured by the beauty of just this one room, and if circumstances were to allow it she could probably stay there all day. But her headache wasn’t the only thing eating away at her, there was also the knowledge that she and Jon were here to have some alone time and perhaps wine and dine with the Princess herself, but at the moment she was by herself with no Princess in sight, or at least none in physical form.

Turning her back on the many forms of artwork, Tracey walked down the small hallway that her husband had previously bolted down, and stepped into the light of the castle’s main hallway. She knew this because of the red carpet which started at the front entrance of the castle and ended at the base of Celestia’s throne. Another sign of the castle’s wealth and might were the endless rows of guard ponies on either side of the hallway which, like the carpet, began at the entrance and lead up to the throne room.

She was no longer alone.

“Uh… hi?” Tracey said as she weakly waved at a nearby pony guard. When he didn’t respond she assumed it was because these were the type of guards that only did anything when commanded by royalty.

She may not have been alone anymore but she was no better off in terms of navigation.

Along this large stretch of hallway were many other corridors that lead to other main portions of the castle which themselves branched off to other rooms and designated structures. It was then that Tracey gave up all hope of ever finding her husband who at this point could be anywhere.

When she first arrived in this world she made the mistake of believing the main hallway wasn’t that large on the basis that she could see the front entrance not thirty feet away. Now she knew better with the knowledge that it was merely the doorway which divided the corridor into segments.

Knowing this, Tracey opted to take a hard turn to her left in the direction that Jon took before disappearing. She doubted that she’d find him but at the very least she knew that if she continued on this course she’d eventually find herself at the main throne room where Celestia was.

Once again Tracey found herself slightly unnerved. Because like the statues, the guards in this area seemed to be lifeless as they were silent and reverent. In true royal guard fashion, they didn’t speak or move but simply stood ever vigilant, to the point where Tracey would have assumed they were also lifeless stone carvings were it not for the subtle signs of their chests moving up and down in breathe and their eyes blinking.

Even though she was surrounded by ponies she still felt isolated, so with hurried steps she made her way to the large, golden door at the end of this segment of hallway. There was another pair of guards in front of it who she assumed would open it for her, but like the others the two just stood still.

Rather than trying to proceed, Tracey stopped to observe, not them, but the large double door structure in front of her. She doubted that she had the strength to open it, but at the moment it was the only thing keeping her from advancing.

Out of curiosity she looked over her shoulder to see if anyone was coming up behind her, perhaps to offer assistance, but all she saw was the same hallway; the red carpet devoid of life, the edges cluttered with paintings, support columns, and doors to new rooms, not to mention the lifeless guard ponies whose reflection could be seen off the spotless ivory floor.

Believing that she was on her own for now, Tracey ignored her instincts that told her to sit and wait and promptly placed both her hands on the surface of the golden door in front of her with the intentions to push with all her might. She was moments away from laying all her weight on her hands when something felt off.

The once cold surface of the door was now warm, and it felt as if some kind of mist was engulfing it. Raising her head, she noticed that the doors were now incased in a yellowish aura that seemed familiar.

“What the he--” Tracey said before the massive gateway swung open, sending her tumbling forward. “JESUS CHRIST!”

Her outburst wasn’t what finally got the attention of the nearby guards, but rather it was what she had landed on. Looking up, Tracey realized what had opened the doors, and what it was that she had just collided elbow first into.

“Tracey, how many times must I ask you?” The figure chuckled. “Call me... ‘Celestia.’”

For someone like Tracey, who was both a part of the working class and a mother, there was rarely a quiet moment, or free time to spend with other people besides co-workers and family members, so whenever a chance presented itself to have a little fun outside the house she jumped on it.

Sometimes said fun involved her and her family being invited to a lavish party or over to a friend’s house for dinner, and whenever this happened she became less of a mom and more of a drill sergeant.

She would, as Jon liked to put it, nag the various members of her family to be on their very best behavior, since an opportunity like this didn’t come often and she wanted to leave a good impression so they would be invited back.

Characteristically, she rarely had to worry about her youngest child Maggie who took after her mother and usually didn’t need to be told more than once to be on her best behavior. Nathan on the other hand took less after his mother and was a bit rowdier, as was to be expected from a boy his age, but once it was made clear what was expected of him and what would happen consequence-wise if he misbehaved he wised up fast.

Then there was Jon.

Between the free range given to him by his show and his class clown demeanor which followed him even now from his grade school days, Jon was conditioned his entire life to misbehave and cause as much chaos as possible.

It was the perfect set-up. His quirky, almost childlike sense of comedy bordering on immature lured his opponents into a false sense of security, and it was only then did Jon reveal how dangerously intelligent he was.

Perfect for making someone look their most stupid, but a terrible trait to have at a fancy dinner date or when visiting the in-laws. Historically speaking, Tracey had to remind her husband more than anyone else to, as her mother would put it, act his age, not his shoe size.

However in this instance never had Tracey felt more relieved to not have her husband by her side to witness her making a complete fool of herself. Within the five minutes that she had been in Canterlot, Tracey found herself not only stumbling onto the ground but upon her descent from her high horse she also inadvertently half-tackled Celestia.

Since all her weight was on the door when it did finally swing open, Tracey landed elbow first into her royal highness. Even though she was light in weight, her height advantage as a human was such that when she made contact with Celestia it was almost a full on tackle. Had the royal princess not been of greater stature herself, or had the genetic benefit of standing on four sturdy legs, Tracey's accidental collision would have sent her tumbling to the ground.

Every guard saw this and knew it was an accident with some debating whether or not they should get involved. Before Tracey could regain her composure, Celestia gestured them to remain in their posts while using her magic to readjust her crown and royal choker.

Both women were without injury and at worse were only momentarily stunned, but nevertheless Tracey felt horrible about what happened.

“Oh God I’m so sorry!” Tracey exclaimed as she staggered forward to nervously wipe any dust or fabrics off Celestia’s person. “Are you alright?!”

The act of touching the princess was strictly forbidden, another rule set long ago by the royals of old, so when this harmless gesture made Celestia look slightly nervous the royal guards nearby shifted their weight to look in her direction in case they were called upon to act. In truth Celestia only looked uneasy because she didn’t want her own guest to feel like she needed to worry over her.

“Y-yes I’m fine Tracey!” Celestia assured her as she again motioned the guards to stay where they were. Even with the clanking of guard armor echoing throughout the wing of the castle Tracey was oblivious to anything other than her own embarrassment. “There’s no need to worry yourself-- truly there isn’t. Please calm yourself.”

“Okay... o-okay I will,” Tracey responded while resisting the urge to apologize again. Taking a step back, she began to frantically wave her hand in front of her face like it would help her breathe more easily. “Just... I’m just glad no one else was here to see that.”

“Ahem,” someone Tracey hadn’t noticed beside Celestia said.

“Oh right, how foolish of me,” Celestia chimed as she moved to the side to show Tracey this new pony. “Tracey dear, I’d like you to meet my sister.”

Following her gaze, Tracey was again surprised to see another celestial princess present in the room. Even if she hadn’t seen her once before on TV, Tracey knew enough of pony culture to gather that this was another Princess since she possessed all the Equestrian hallmarks of royalty right down to her crown and the fact that she was an alicorn.

“Princess Luna,” Celestia introduced as Luna offered her hoof.

“Ah yes, Jon has told me so much about you,” Tracey said as she grabbed the younger princess’ hoof, unsure if protocol dictated that she should kiss it or bow down, leaving her yet again wishing her husband was with her to help move things along. “It’s... an honor to finally meet you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” Luna replied as Tracey fell on instincts and gave her a firm handshake. “We have heard so much about you as well... it is a pleasure to us to meet the spouse of our dear friend Jon.”

The mention of his name seemed to echo more than usual as the two Princesses did a quick scan of the room before looking back at Tracey.

“Pray tell, where is thy husband?” she asked before looking over to her sister. “Surely she did not travel here alone.”

“Oh no, no, Jon’s here... somewhere,” Tracey nervously assured her while rubbing the back of her head. “He just... bolted off to lord knows where. I swear, one of these days I might lose him for good.”

“Yes, that does sound like our Jon.” Celestia chuckled as she stepped to the side to allow Tracey room to walk forward. “I’m sure he will turn up eventually. In the meantime, shall we?”

Following her advice, the three women began to walk down the corridor heading in the direction of the throne room with Tracey caught in between both Princesses which made her slightly more nervous. She was scared that at any moment she would do or say something that could potentially damage the relationship between humans and ponies while forgetting that they already knew Jon.

For all her nervousness, she found that traveling with such a prestigious group of ponies had its advantages. The further they traveled the more recognition was bestowed upon them. Whenever they passed the view of nearby guards they would briefly break their stance by saluting and voicing their loyalty whereupon they would quickly go back to their original position.

Tracey knew this was only done for their rulers but she liked to pretend it was for her as well, like she was a princess herself. This delusion was broken by the sound of Luna addressing her.

“Tracey was it? Do tell, how long doth thou plan on staying here in the castle today?” she asked as the sound of another group of guard saluting echoed in the background. “We do not mean to sound rude. We only wish to know how much time we should allocate to such an important guest as thyself.”

“O-oh well... thank you for saying!” Tracey giggled as Celestia used her magic to effortlessly open the doors to a new segment of hallway. “Um... to answer your question... I suppose for as long as you’ll have us.”

“That is most splendid to hear! When I heard that you and Jon wanted to spend another day with us I could not wait for the chance to entertain the two of you,” Celestia chimed in while they passed another set of standing guards. “Your husband is always working hard to make my loyal subjects feel at home when they travel to your world... I could not wait to return the favor by doing the same for you.”

Tracey noticed that she was starting to fall behind the two sisters, forcing her to up her pace a fair bit by quickly jogging ahead of them just enough so she wouldn't have to raise her voice.

“I appreciate the thought!” she said as they passed another group of guards who promptly saluted. “But don’t feel the need to have to wait on us hand and foot. I still feel quite welcomed enough from the last time I was here.”

“I’m glad to hear but I still feel guilty about not being able to join the two of you the last time for dinner,” Celestia said as the group entered yet another segment. “But don’t you worry; I made sure my schedule was completely free for your visit today. Rest assured I will be here to show you around every step of the way.”

“My, that sounds... great!” Tracey said as they passed another group of guards both against the wall and guarding the door.

Making a quick mental note to come back to the issue of privacy, Tracey turned her attention to the pony of whom she knew even less about.

“Luna was it? Am I to assume you control the moon?” she inferred with very little effort.

“What gave it away?” Luna responded in an attempted joking tone which made those who heard it unsure if she was being serious or not.

“Well, your name for starters was a dead giveaway,” Tracey responded as playfully as possible to show she was trying to make nice as they passed more guards. “I’m actually something of an astronomy buff myself. Tell me do you--”

Without warning something clicked inside Tracey's mind, causing her to stop in her tracks and cut short her little self-introduction. She was so enthralled with everything that was going on around her that she almost missed it the first time around.

With eyes focused on opening the door a few feet in front of them, Celestia was the last to notice that her guest and was now frozen in time. Tracey was sporting a look of uncertainty and disbelief on her face like she had just realized she left the oven on.

“Tracey, dear?” Celestia asked as she approached her. “Is something the matter?”

But she dared not answer, for what she saw caused her such discomfort that she was at that moment mentally preparing herself for the soon to be aftermath. Slowly she turned her head while desperately lying to herself by challenging her brain into thinking that she couldn't have possibly seen what she had saw. But she knew.

With her head now turned, the two sisters could not see the look of shock across her face. Following her gaze, they tried to see what was causing her such dismay only to have their eyes immediately drawn to one of the guards on the sidelines. The guard himself was not what was interesting, but rather that which was straddled atop of him.

With equal expressions of shock, the three ladies were now gazing at the sight that was Jon Stewart pretending to sit on the guard pony’s back while wearing his helmet and holding his spear, doing his best to imitate the stance that all guard ponies held, complete with stern look and lifeless gaze.

The pony who was supporting him however remained as steadfast as ever, but had an unwavering look about him like he was somewhat annoyed, both for having to be subjected to such tomfoolery and because he knew that, as a loyal friend, business partner, and guest of Celestia, Jon was no threat that needed to be dealt with.

One by one each of them reacted to this in a typical fashion with Celestia turning her head to lightly giggle to herself, Luna slapping her hoof against her forehead after a tired sigh, and Tracey trying her best to act serious despite wanting to roll over laughing.

“Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz!” Tracey scolded, her serious tone made less poignant as it wavered from her trying her hardest not to laugh. “You get down from there!”

“Sorry; no Jon here!” Jon stated as loudly as he could. “Just us guards!”

Along with a helmet too small to fit over his head and a spear that looked like a baton in his hands, Jon had also sported a look of seriousness the likes of which was rarely seen on him to really drive the poorly crafted illusion home. His expression however was slowly starting to give way to a self-aware grin as he was having a hard time focusing on anything but his wife’s scrunched up face.

Her cheeks were puffed out like a squirrel over encumbered with acorns and were a shade of bright red both out of embarrassment and a lack of oxygen. She wanted to scold Jon more for his inappropriate behavior, she wanted to stay serious to show her new royal friends how reserved she was, and most of all she wanted to not let Jon know how easily swayed she could be. And she was losing.

Bringing Jon along was always a double-edged sword for her. On the one hand he was the most likely to embarrass her but on the other she found it difficult to resist his goofy charm. He was the only man who could ever make her laugh and today was no exception.

Lowering her head, Tracey didn’t notice Luna coming up from behind to try and take control over the situation after it was clear no one else would.

“Jonathan, cease and desist this foolish behavior!” she commanded, now standing next to his wife. “Can’t you see you're embarrassing your wi--”

Before she could finish her thought a burst of laughter filled the corridor, bouncing off walls and carrying itself in all directions, causing some of the less professional guards on duty to flinch in surprise. Luna herself had jumped so far back that her descent was lighted by her wings having spanned out for support.

The source of this unrelenting guffawing came from Tracey who was now literally holding her sides and had to lean against a nearby support beam for fear that she may fall down. Celestia thought it sweet that Tracey found joy in her husband’s amusing antics while Luna just shook her head confusedly.

Content with doing what he set out to do, Jon leapt from atop the pony with a smile that showed just how proud of himself he was.

“Well! My work here is done,” Jon announced as his wife continued to choke on her own laugher. Placing the spear down, he then took the helmet that he had borrowed without asking and turned to face his unwilling partner in all this. “Thanks for the help my guard friend... here, you can have this back.”

Without even noticing it, Jon placed the helmet back on the guard’s head backwards, covering his entire face which at this point was a concentrated expression of pure annoyance. But tradition dictated that he was not to move unless addressed, like a guard at Buckingham Palace.

So he stood there, for it was all he could do.

Walking up to his wife, Jon readied himself for a true scolding which would undoubtedly occur now that she was starting to calm herself. Hunched over in pain from such laughter, Tracey resembled more the sight of someone sick, which made Jon want to rub her back though he didn’t get the chance since after a quick couple of breaths she was ready to be serious again.

With a flick of her neck she shot back up, coughing and gasping for air in the process like she had been drowning. With one last breath she adjusted her hair, straightened her clothes and pointed a finger at Jon for a sound disciplining. She was moments away from doing just that when her eyes caught sight of the guard with his helmet on backwards, stuck there with his morals keeping him still.

It was too much for her to bear.

“I still got it,” Jon complimented himself as he walked towards his princess friends, Tracey once again in the throes of laughter.

Even though Luna was closer, Jon waved to Celestia first before stopping in front of the smaller, darker version of the two sisters with his arms spread. His immature behavior aside, Luna was just as eager to meet him again.

“Luna!” Jon roared as he went for a hug. “So good to see you again! Did I ever thank you for saving my life?”

“Many times, and it’s a pleasure to see you as well, my friend,” Luna responded, having to stand on her hind legs to meet him at his level. Quick on his toes, Jon slid his way around her like a linebacker attempting to tackle the quarterback, or in this case someone much more powerful.

“And Celestia!” Jon added as he wrapped his arms around her slender neck. “Thank you again for letting us come over!”

“My pleasure Jon, anytime,” Celestia assured him as the two broke embraces, giving her a good couple of seconds to inspect him up close. “You’re looking well today.”

“Thanks and so do you,” he returned the gesture. “Your horn looks very... sharp?... Sorry, I still don’t know what passes for a compliment around here.”

“You needn’t worry yourself, Jon,” Celestia insisted. “I don’t require praise... just seeing you here again in my kingdom is reward enough for me.”

In true royal fashion, Celestia capped off her response with a graceful bow of the head while lightly extending her wings in a welcoming gesture that all pegasi knew. This show of humility also involved her closing her eyes which meant that she missed her adoring sister sneaking up from behind.

“Tis a lie,” Luna whispered behind Jon’s back as quietly as the night. “If thou wisheth to compliment her all thou has to do is notice her weight loss.”

Celestia was slowly making her way back up to a proper standing position when Jon, still facing the same direction, arched his back slightly and tilted his head to the side to respond back.

“Thanks for the tip,” he whispered. “Got any more?”

“Indeed so,” she added as she stepped to the side to allow room. “Look out behind you.”

“Behind me?” Jon asked before being yanked backwards by his wife who did so by his ear. The sharp pain of being dragged off forced his body to blindly follow backwards, all the while Jon loudly voicing his dismay for it all. “OW, OW, OW, OW OKAY, OKAY OKAY, I’m sorry I’m so-- OW!”

Even if Jon had no idea Tracey was still right behind him he knew only one person, other than his mother circa 40 years ago, who ever treated him like this. In hindsight, Jon should have seen this coming and probably would have had he realized the joyous laughter of his loving spouse had ended long ago.

The claw-like grip on his lobe eventually ended and at just the right time, had he been subjected to any further punishment he would have stumbled over his feet and fell to the ground. Spinning around, he was greeted by the sight of Tracey staring him dead in his eyes with a look on her face that told him everything. The comedic effect of his prior jesting had long since run out.

“Oh hey honey!” Jon nervously said, having almost completely forgotten she was here. “W-what’s up?”

Lunging her hands forward in a quick, almost violent motion, Tracey wrapped her slender fingers around the nape of his neck in a gesture that looked like she was about to strangle him, but instead she began to adjust his collar to make him look more presentable.

“Don’t you honey me!” she warned as she worked her way to wiping any debris off his shoulder before moving back to his throat to straighten his tie. “Next time you get the bright idea of leaving me alone with a pair of deities I know next to nothing about while you run off to embarrass me just remember.”

“R-remember what?” Jon asked.

“Remember who you’re dealing with.” She smiled as she firmly tightened her grip on his tie.

With Jon and Tracey on one side of the carpeted hallway and the two Royal sisters on the other, both teams were divided perfectly down the middle, leaving Celestia and Luna with front row seats to Jon getting his throbbing ear constantly barraged by scolding.

Like before, Celestia could only giggle at the married couple quietly having a sideline chat, finding their banter adorable as she rarely got the chance to see Jon interact with another human in person rather than on TV. But while she found the scene to be hopelessly romantic, Luna just thought Jon was hopeless.

“She speaketh of him as her husband,” Luna commented as she tapped her hoof against the marble floor, “and yet he acts as if he’s a child.”

“This may be-- but what experience do we have on the subject?” Celestia asked which made Luna look over again at the married couple with Tracey heading towards them and Jon close behind making funny faces without her knowing.

“Point taken.” She sighed as their guests returned.

“Now then,” Tracey said with Jon right next to her, still rubbing his ear. “Shall we?”

“Yes, let’s,” Celestia agreed as she took a few steps forward and quickly motioned for them to follow. “We have so much to do today.”

And with that the four of them headed towards the new segment of the long hallway where they would eventually enter the heart of the building, and from there any location of the castle they wanted.

Along the way the four of them continued to converse with one another, mostly in the form of Tracey trying to rebuild her reputation by politely asking them engaging questions. Celestia was more than eager to answer any and all inquiries, her excitement for getting a chance to entertain her guests clouding her otherwise laser focus on her surroundings.

She had no idea there was a fifth member of the group following close behind.

Episode 20 [Discord]: Jon sneaks out

Segment after segment, the four friends made their way in the direction of the main throne room, with each member taking turns conversing among each other. The two who did the most talking were Celestia and Tracey, each of whom tried their best to maintain an air of civility to each other with compliments and insightful inquires as if they were ambassadors to foreign countries trying to properly build a trusting diplomatic relationship.

And while Tracey was by no rights a diplomat, she did feel as if her being here meant she was representing the entire human race. This feeling came to her despite and indeed because of her husband’s long standing partnership with the Equestrian monarchy. He may have been acting as the human mediator one interview at a time, but she knew him better than anyone else and wanted to make sure he stayed in line.

Not only did she already fail in doing just that, but she was now starting to learn that there was someone other than herself who knew quite a bit about Jon.

“It’s so good to see you again, Luna!” Jon reiterated as the four of them continued on their way. While his wife was content talking to the main princess of the castle, Jon took to conversing with her younger sister since she was his first royal interview. “You still doing that thing where you talk in the third person?”

“We-- I mean no... no I do not,” she said after quickly looking away to regain composure. “It is rather nice to see you back in the castle... especially after what happened last time.”

Usually such a reference would be enough to make Jon uncomfortable, but he was now in a place where he could look back on such things and brush them off.

“No kidding... but at least it gave me the chance to interview you,” he reminded. “Speaking of which, am I still stuck in your head?”

Usually hearing her husband say such a thing to another woman would be cause enough for Tracey to demand an explanation and, depending on the situation, feel a bit concerned. However since this was directed at Luna, a mythical being of magical proportions she was left more confused than anything else.

“Excuse me?” Tracey asked in the direction of Luna and Jon, hoping one of them would answer, but before they could the answer came from the pony behind her.

“I believe your husband is referring to when he interviewed my dear sister here in Canterlot,” Celestia answered, causing Tracey to whip around to meet her face to face. “During their segment together, Luna used a spell to absorb all of Jon’s memories.”

“Oh! Oh that’s right!” Tracey said, now having remembered. “So... you really have all of my husband’s memories in your head?”

“Correct,” Luna nodded with Tracey looking over to Jon then back at her with a weak smile.

“In that case I am so, so sorry,” Tracey responded.

“Heeeey!” Jon groaned.

“In any case, I believe it would be beneficial if you knew a little about our kingdom,” Luna offered as all four of them reached the final segment of hallway. “Here in Canterlot we have a few princesses who govern different aspects of Equestrian life. The main rulers of this kingdom are Celestia and I. There was another princess by the name of Cadence but she rules over another kingdom far to the North.”

Tracey found this as informative as it was interesting. Jon was determined to bring the seriousness of this conversation to a screeching halt.

“It’s true! You see, Trace, princesses here in Equestria are kind of like iPhones,” Jon had her consider. “There are different colored models, some bigger than others, and if you’re lucky you can get upgraded to--”

“Honey!” Tracey interrupted as she threw another punch his way; this time with Jon dodging as he knew it was coming from a mile away. “Don’t compare the members of royalty to cellphones!”

“What? That was funny... right?” Jon asked, trying to hold back a laugh by pursing his lips together. “Cooooome on... where’s that smile?”

Looking away, Tracey quickly took a breath and was tempted to laugh at the sight of Celestia herself giggling at Jon’s facetiousness she loved so much. When she returned to facing her husband she caught a glimpse of Luna with a confused look about her bordering on annoyed.

“I’m sorry for my husband’s behavior today,” Tracey said as politely as she could while rubbing the back of her head. “I hope he has not offended you in anyway.”

“It’s quite alright,” Luna responded while Jon sported a look of pure innocence. “By now I am quite use to your husband’s... brand of humor.”

“Well again I’m sorry, he’s been this way for as long as I’ve known him,” Tracey reiterated. “And if I’m to believe his mother he’s been this way since the day he was born.”

“One would think he would change his ways after getting married,” Luna suggested. “Wouldn’t he develop into a more serious adult once his commitment as a husband and father was established?”

Shockingly, the halls of the castle now echoed with the sound of not just Jon laughing out loud but Tracey as well, whose stifled snorting soon turned into a full on laughter while she leaned to the side to grab a hold of Jon for balance, leaving Luna just short enough to witness this bridging of humans above her head.

To some degree, the two pony princesses thought Tracey to be the more mature one in the relationship, but now they were starting to see she was more like her husband than they, or she, cared to admit.

With Tracey calming down well before Jon did, Luna now saw her leaning on one knee to place a hand on her royal shoulder.

“Honey... oh honey you’ve never been married,” Tracey accurately assumed with Jon still holding his sides. “Men... men never change.”

As if on autopilot, Jon was still walking forward with the group despite being unable to see very well with the tears in his eyes. When he finally managed to calm himself down and adjust his vision he almost missed the fact that he and his friends were now in a new room.

For Jon, this large rotunda spanning multiple levels with large staircases on either side and hallways that branched out to different sections of the castle wasn’t shocking to him anymore since he had been here before.

The golden statues, numerous pillars, and perfectly textured walls which seemed to go on forever were so common place to him now he barely even noticed them anymore. About the only thing that even remotely surprised him was that it was completely empty rather than bursting with ponies, which he chalked up to Celestia ordering the area clear for them.

The only ones present besides themselves were more royal guards which were the same in number as from the hallway but were so spread out they were hard to notice, especially with their refusal to break protocol and move, making them seem more like statues than ponies.

Tracey on the other hand was paralyzed with how radiant everything looked. She felt like she was a gladiator in a coliseum with her opponent ready to step out of any given corridor, but the sterile white walls, golden fixtures, and tapestry both on the floor and hanging from the ceiling told her she was in a royal room.

“Welcome to the heart of the castle,” Celestia said as she motioned everyone to venture further while she played tour guide. “Up ahead you’ll see a small staircase which leads to the throne room and, depending on which hall you take, one can easily find themselves in the castle’s main ballroom where we throw our galas and other royal festivities.”

Too surprised to speak, Tracey just followed her royal highness who was slowly making her way to the left rather than forward for a change, the group now passing through an archway and into a segment of the castle overlooking a lower level like a balcony. This new area, which curved into a quarter circle, lead to another archway which was the quickest way into the mess hall.

The room directly below them was a large gallery-like section which looked like any other open space in the castle just with more things to look at. It was littered with encased royal objects, suits of armor, and large paintings and benches for people to sit as if it was a museum. There was an elevated section in the center easily reachable by adjacent ladders and the outer perimeter surprisingly wasn’t comprised of more walls but rather large glass windows that showed the Canterlot Castle Garden which was larger than a football field.

“We however have a whole day of delightful activities ahead of us, so for now we will be heading to the royal banquet hall where we will feast on only the finest Equestrian dishes!” Celestia stated, which made Jon shudder in disgust at the idea of an all vegan meal. “Then we will briefly retire where we will be fitted with the proper wardrobe so that we may attend the after dinner entertainments. Tonight’s festivities will be at our theatrical hall where we will be treated to a lovely show by the world renowned orchestra team The--”

“Wait, orchestra?” Jon interrupted. “You’re telling me you booked... an entire orchestra?”

“Indeed we have!” Celestia assured him. “It’s the Canterlot Philharmonic Orchestra who were gracious enough to set up a private show on our behalf. We will listen to their award winning five-hour long 23rd symphony.”

“Oh wow,” Jon said in complete shock. “That sounds... lovely. Too bad though I was really uh... hoping to hear their 22nd symphony instead. That one’s my favorite.”

“Not a problem,” Celestia said. “We’ll have them play that one as well.”

“I... gee, thanks,” Jon said, flailing his arms in frustration just out of sight. He cursed himself for having made such a joke.

“Anything for a good friend!” she said, feeling proud that she was able to make Jon’s day. “Of course, that won’t actually take place till much later. We still have to go to the gallery.”

“Gallery?” both Jon and Tracey said with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

“My sister thought it would be a delight to show you two our rich culture,” Luna answered. “So afterwards we’ll meet up at our historical art wing where we’ll show you each piece we’ve collected over our thousands of years of existence. One by one of course.”

“That sounds wonderful!” Tracey exclaimed.

“Yeah,” Jon said at the prospect of looking at a millennium's worth of pictures. “Wonderful.”

“After that I have scheduled us for a brief stay at the castle planetarium where we’ll gaze at the heavens while listening to a lecture on planetary motions by our expert in astronomy,” Celestia continued. “And then, when you’re feeling up to it, we’ll make our way to the Canterlot Royal Spa where we’ll be--”

“Wait a minute,” Jon interrupted almost frantically. “Did you say spa?!”

“Oh dear! I can’t believe I let that slip!” Celestia said embarrassedly. “This was supposed to be a surprise but yes I have scheduled us for a few hours of well-deserved pampering. I wasn’t going to at first but not too long ago I was told by Rarity how much you enjoyed it when you were in Ponyville. I even got their local spa twins to personally apply their regiment on you. Apparently you highly recommended them.”

He remembered that day quite clearly in fact. Well enough to know that the ride was happening all over again. Only this time on a celestial scale.

“But of course, that all comes later,” she continued. “For now we should eat. Which reminds me, are you familiar with Equestrian table etiquette? Because if you are not I can get somepony here to briefly--”

“Hey Celestia?!” Jon called out desperately, causing all three ladies to realize he had lagged behind. For a moment he looked around frantically before leaning over the ivory rails separating them from a long fall downward and pointing forward. “What’s uh... what’s that place over there?”

Looking far off into the distance, the rest of the group noticed what Jon was referring to. In the middle of the giant front garden was a large wall of foliage which stood out blazingly since it was in the center of the field and took up a great deal of room.

From where they stood the two humans had a good idea of what it might be but as the royal inhabitants of the castle Celestia and Luna knew exactly what it was he was referring to.

“Oh that... it’s nothing really, just a little amusement area for those visiting the gardens,” Celestia answered.

“It’s something we added not long ago and is a fan favorite for those who visit the castle for recreation,” Luna added, “which is why it’s located in front of the royal archive room.”

“Funny how something instantly sounds fancier when you add the prefix ‘royal’ in front of it,” Jon commented.

“Yes, well, as lovely as it is I’m afraid you’re not allowed to go there at this moment,” Luna advised, causing Jon to turn his gaze away from it and back onto them. “No pony is permitted in the gardens without supervision.”

“That is correct,” Celestia added, “and as it stands most of the castle staff and crew are on break today so that we can be your personal guides ourselves.”

“I... I see,” Jon said as something crossed his mind; an idea born out of desperation which was as risky as it was cliche, but at this point he was willing to try anything.

“Now then, if that’s all cleared up...” Celestia continued, pausing for a moment to hear out any more objections. “Allow me to escort the two of you to our next location.”

“Uh yeah, sure, we’re gonna have lunch now, right?” Jon asked as he took a step forward. “Oh boy, I can’t wait too... uuuugh.”

Holding onto his stomach, Jon lurched forward, falling on one knee and placing his hand against the railing to try and steady himself. The first to notice this familiar moaning was Tracey who immediately turned back around to see her husband doubled over in pain with a face like something was tearing his stomach apart from the inside out.

This sight alone was enough to get the devoted wife to break the castle’s spell over her and rush to his side.

“Honey!” she cried out. “A-are you okay?!”

“Goodness Jon, what’s the matter?!” Celestia added, following close behind.

“It’s alright, it’s alright.” Jon waved his hand for them to back off. “I’m fine, it’s just... I think all that laughter from before made my upset stomach worse.”

“Wait, what?!” Tracey asked, concerned at the thought of Jon hiding some kind of ailment from her all this time. “W-w-what are you talking about?!”

“I do believe Jon here is referring to when I teleported you two to our world,” Celestia suggested. “Some humans experience it differently and in the case of your husband his side effect is a mild case of stomach ailment.”

“Oh... y-yes, that makes sense,” Tracey said as she rubbed her still slightly throbbing head, now more relaxed at the prospect that Jon was only suffering from a stomach ache. But she was still concerned. “You going to be alright sweetie?”

“Yeah, yeah I’ll... be fine.” Jon gulped after a quick gagging reflex caused him to cover his mouth with his hand and place the other across his stomach.

Slowly he shuffled to a nearby marble bench where he sat down and leaned his head back to make it easier for him to breath.

“Do you require us to get a medic?” Luna asked. “You seem to be in great pain.”

“No no, I’ll be fine,” Jon insisted to her by standing up only to quickly sit back down. “I just need a minute for the room to stop spinning... you guys go on ahead and I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”

“You sure?” Tracey asked.

“Positive babe... don’t let me keep you from having a good time,” he said. “I’ll catch up with you three soon.”

After a quick session of exchanged looks the three decided to concede to his request just as Jon planned.

“Very well then... we will continue without you for now,” Celestia said as she turned to make her way to the next room with her sister close behind and Tracey still lingering. “If you need help feel free to ask... in the meantime we’ll be in the third room on the left.”

Still Tracey did not move but rather looked like she was about to join her husband on the bench.

“I’ll be fine!” Jon reiterated as he shooed her with his hand. “Go on ahead, I’ll be there soon!”

“Well... okay.” Tracey finally gave up by leaning in for a kiss and rushing off to catch up with the two sisters as she called out to him. “Don’t take too long!”

With a wave, Jon waited in his seat till all three turned a corner and were completely out of sight. After waiting a few seconds longer to make sure they were really gone, Jon leaned to the side just in case someone else could see him. He was now completely alone. Then and only then did Jon jump up from his seat effortlessly and brush off the dust from his clothes, chuckling to himself.

He may not have been as young as he used to be but his acting talent was still sharp enough to fool even his wife. He still got it.

“Too easy.” Jon sighed as all traces of his ailment seemingly vanished. “But now comes the hard part.”

Usually such deception was used to get out of meeting the in-laws or having to attend another parent-teacher conference, and this was no different.

Vegan food? Dressing up? Fancy orchestral music? As Jon thought about these things he could only grimace. He got up to lean over the balcony, and for a moment he even felt nauseous. “This… is really not how I wanted the day to go,” he said quietly to himself.

But as unpleasant as all this sounded there was no way he was going to ruin it for Tracey. The look on her face said it all, she was loving every minute of it. However that didn’t mean that Jon was quite ready to meet his fate of proper etiquette and fine dining. Such things were unbecoming for someone from New Jersey after all. For the time being at least he just wanted to relax a bit before continuing with Celestia’s plan, and as he gazed outward his eyes fell upon the perfect place to do so uninterrupted.

“Well... since I have a few moments.” Jon sighed as he quietly made his way back into the main room from before and towards the flight of stairs within. “I’m at least getting some fresh air first.”

Jon felt a bit guilty about what he was about to do, since Luna had said the gardens were closed off from the public, though he didn’t see what harm a little stroll could do. Besides, the fact that it was off-limits meant he would go uninterrupted.

Stretching his arms above his head, the tired comedian made his way to the stairs and unlike the last time he headed downwards to the gallery just below. From there the entrance to the gardens was but a few feet away which Jon made a beeline for, but not before making sure no one saw him.

However unbeknownst to him there was someone nearby. Someone who not only witnessed his quick revival but was close behind, watching his every move. Someone who considered himself very lucky that Jon not only decided to break away from his royal chaperones but to venture forth into a location where there were no witnesses.

Jon might have been a trickster but he was no match for the force hovering unseen from on high, watching him and, like a trap door spider, waiting for the perfect time to strike.

Usually the gardens of Canterlot Castle were the most visited spot for tourists to explore whenever the castle was open to the public, which was most days. As such, it normally had more guards stationed who, unlike their brothers in certain parts of the castle, were allowed to walk around.

Had this been any other day, sneaking into the gardens would have required Jon to duck and hide behind cover, strategically dashing from chest high wall to enormous sculpture in a stealthy display of concealment that would have been murder on his elderly back.

Thankfully Celestia spoke the truth as there was nary a soul to be found in the lush forest-like environment that was the Canterlot Castle Garden. Aside from the occasional singing canary or scavenging squirrel there wasn’t a creature around to disturb Jon, leaving him free to explore wherever he wanted.

“Now this is more like it!” Jon said out loud without fear of being caught. For a brief moment he had wondered why he had wanted to do this, but now that he was here he was promptly reminded.

He took a deep breath. Jon loved the fresh air and verdant scenery almost as much as the smell of foreign plants invading his nostrils. He was a city boy at heart true, but even so he enjoyed the occasional trip to the countryside which truthfully only ever happened when he visited this world.

The soothing atmosphere of being surrounded by flower beds, looming trees, wild animals, and pony-made lakes was all the more enjoyable for the fact that if he wanted he could turn right around and in a few minutes be back in the royal castle where he would be pampered to his heart’s content. Well… not so much considering what Celestia had planned for him, but the principle remained.

Like camping he was alright with nature so long as he knew he had all the amenities of civilization as a back up. But this wasn’t why he was here. Sure the flourishing surroundings were a nice change of pace, if a bit overwhelming at times, but they weren’t the reason he played a trick on two gods and his wife-- the latter of which he feared more than anything else if caught.

He was still very much aware that despite this moment of peace the rest of the day was to be exhaustingly filled with looking at fine art, discussions of current events with the sisters, and whatever else royal types enjoy doing. He shuddered at the thought. If he was back in his early twenties this would be the perfect time to sneak a quick smoke, but for the time being he settled for a relaxing stroll along the garden paths.

The further Jon walked towards the heart of the enclosure the more he saw the large section of hedge that caught his attention from so far away, which looked like a large portion of wall got covered in vines and shrubs, making it all but impossible to ignore. He had his theories as to what it was which is why he eventually decided to head towards it rather than stopping to smell any of the literal roses scattered about.

All main paths lead to this monument which upon nearing he realized wasn’t as massive as he thought, and after crossing a small bridge (which was built not so much for the sake of convenience but rather as a decorative piece) Jon was now standing in front of it.

It wasn’t terribly tall, rising only a few inches above his head, but it stretched out for several dozen feet in either direction before taking a sharp turn, giving Jon the impression that it was a giant square. There was no need on his part however to go around it since there was an entrance as well as a sign only a few feet away from him, an entrance which revealed several narrow hallways of similar leafy walls and a sign which read “Canterlot Castle Hedge Maze.”

Turns out Jon was right the entire time.

“A hedge maze,” Jon confirmed out loud as he peaked his head into the entrance, revealing a seemingly endless inner working of corridors in no way differentiated from the last. “Yep, I knew it.”

Jon had to admit he had been curious about why this area was off-limits, but now it all made sense. The reason no one was allowed back here seemed like an arbitrary rule at the time but after giving it some thought he came to the conclusion that perhaps it would be best if tourists were allowed back here only with officials nearby.

It also helped make sense as to why the castle was littered with royal guards. Aside from the fact that their jobs involved defending the royal family their being stationed everywhere would also be beneficial to anyone who got lost in those giant, often confusing hallways. The same could be said for the gardens with an actual maze.

Surely the threat of getting lost in a labyrinth would be cause for concern. This made an incredible amount of sense for Jon, so with his curiosity satisfied he turned around and decided to face the music and make his way back to the castle before it was discovered that he was missing.

But like with a conspiracy theorist or someone who is scared of eating at public restaurants, Jon slowly began to feel like there was something going on behind the scenes that he wasn’t seeing. It was then that another idea crossed his mind-- or, rather, it was then an idea was implanted in his mind.

“What’s inside this maze?” Jon thought to himself as he turned around just a few inches away from the bridge and made his way back to the entrance. “What’s really going on here?”

Perhaps one’s safety wasn’t the only reason for his not being allowed to venture here unescorted. Maybe the reason Celestia didn’t want Jon to know of this structures’ existence was because she was hiding something from him.

This idea was ludicrous even for Jon to consider, but without her being here he realized that he couldn't get the answer straight from the horses’ mouth, so to speak. And as it stood Jon knew what a maze was for, that being to hide something, usually in the very center. Like before, curiosity got the better of him.

Without his better half present to talk some sense into him, Jon decided to follow his sometimes not so trustworthy instincts and seize the moment by dashing head first into the garden’s hedge maze. Jon was determined not to leave until the maze revealed its secrets to him, secrets which he wasn’t even sure existed nor had he cared about till just a few moments ago, but he maintained his resolve nonetheless with the promise to himself that he’d find out what it was, get out, and meet up with the group before anyone found out.

Walking straight ahead till he hit the wall, Jon turned to his left and decided to continue before shortly making a right. He wanted to make sure that every step he took brought him closer to the center where he was sure he would find his answer.

“You can do this Jon,” he assured himself as he rounded another corner of samey looking grass walls. “Just pick a path and follow it.”

In the days to come, Jon would look back on this decision with slight regret as well as humor. For all he knew this extravagant maze of leaves and branches was just what it looked like, a whimsical little attraction with no underhanded implication behind it, but he was nevertheless willing to see what was going on if only to satisfy any lingering doubts.

He almost felt like the decision to enter wasn’t entirely his own, but at the same time he ventured forward with the knowledge that no matter what happened he would easily get back out. While some ponies had the ability to teleport or fly their way out if they so chose, Jon had his own advantage.

Being from New York he knew his way around and in time became a keen expert in the art of giving direction and memorizing street layout. Even to this day people forget that he grew up in New Jersey and only lived in The Big Apple later in life, forcing him to get acquainted with its confusing terrain.

What this meant in terms of his present predicament was that he memorized each path he took so if the time came where he needed to retrace his steps and head for the exit or if he reached a dead end and had to pick a new route he knew exactly how to get back.

Another added bonus that came naturally to him was the fact that he was human and as such was three times taller than any given pony. This meant that all it took was a quick hop and he could see clear over the hedge and gauge just how far away he was from either the center or the exit. Whenever he did this he realized just how large the maze was but more often than not he did this to see where he was so if by some uncharacteristic turn of events he did find himself lost he was always one quick jump in the air away from once again getting his bearings.

And if none of these advantages helped him he could just brute force his way through the problem. After spending what seemed like ten minutes walking path after path, Jon got the bright idea of sticking his hand completely through a wall to see if it was pure foliage, reinforcing the notion that if all else fails he could always solve his problem by pretending to be The Juggernaut.

With so many different forms of escape holstered and ready to use at any time, Jon felt confident in trying to unravel the mystery of the maze with equal odds of it either being something truly spectacular or nothing at all. But still he pressed on to the middle which on numerous occasions he thought he had found.

The way this labyrinth was constructed wasn’t all paths and dead ends but rather some routes led him to areas which served as resting points for weary travelers. Some sectioned off locations included an area full of picnic tables, a large area with a lavish water fountain and wishing coins in its pond, and a few that just had benches for a quick break.

Not only that but the paths themselves were also occupied by wondrous royal objects, usually in the form of some kind of statue or stone archway which were meant to add some spice to the constant scene of green but in practice made Jon’s adventure easier as he viewed them as helpful landmarks.

It got to the point that if Jon saw a path leading to one of these closed off areas he would ignore it and carry on since he knew they were nothing more than fancy dead-ends. Such was the case when at one point Jon was walking down a particularly long stretch of maze when he saw that there were two turning points coming up: one heading left and the furthest one heading right. As he continued walking with heavy breathe he slowed down slightly to catch a glimpse of the first corner which lead to a tiny pocket of land which only held one small bench.

Quickly he ignored it and reached the end which took a sharp right. Again this proved to be a dead-end, only this one being a more traditional impasse with nothing to show for it other than no more paths available, forcing Jon to backtrack to the last point where he would have to choose which alternative route to take.

With a sigh of annoyance, Jon turned around to face the long path he now had to go back down. Along the way he looked to his right at the small bench in the closed off section out of habit before continuing on his way. He was about to let out another sigh of contempt when something caused him to stop in his tracks.

“Wait,” Jon said aloud. “W... what the hell?”

Turning around, Jon looked back at the entrance to the room which contained a single stone bench. It didn’t register at first since he was in a hurry but at that moment he realized something. There was someone else in there.

“Did... what was that?” Jon thought as he tip-toed his way towards the room, being extremely careful not to make a sound. Since he was in a rush he only caught a glimpse of the area but he was sure he saw something that wasn’t there before.

With his back to the wall, Jon didn’t exactly know how to proceed from here, so he did what every teenage girl in a horror movie did when presented with this very same scenario.

“Hello?” Jon called out in the direction of the cleared out area. “Is anybody there?”

When he didn’t get a response he slowly reached into his pocket and produced his phone- not to call for help, but to demonstrate the might that was human technology. With a steady hand he reached out and took a picture and quickly recoiled his hand as if he was scared whatever was in there was going to grab him.

Quickly he looked at his phone’s screen to see what it captured which was mostly ground due to him not having a good view of where he was aiming, but what he did see was the bottom half of what was inside waiting for him which still didn’t make any sense.

“What the...” Jon said under his breath. He no longer felt in danger but he was still confused. Jon steadily made his way into the area half expecting it to be empty and yet there it was. “Now how did you get here?”

Standing right behind the bench, carved out of some kind of solid stone, was a statue, a statue depicting a beast almost twice the size of the walls but hunched over like it was attacking anyone who sat down in front of it. This in itself wasn’t enough to phase Jon since it was just some carving, but what got him scratching his head was the fact that he didn’t remember seeing this when he passed the room the first time around.

Now standing directly in front of it, Jon was certain that he would have noticed this thing; the statue depicting a monster the likes of which he had never laid eyes on before. This beast had a long, noodle body which was broken up into segments belonging to different animals.

It had one wing of a bat and the other of a bird, while upon its head was the antler of a deer along with the horn of a goat, one arm was the claw of a falcon and the other the paw of a lion, the left hoof of a goat complemented with the right leg of a lizard, and its tail was of a dragon while its body was covered in fur.

“Yeesh!” Jon commented as he gave it the once over. “You ain't winning no beauty pageants anytime soon.”

The more he looked at it the more he thought it looked somewhat familiar. Ignoring its seemingly random appearance, Jon sat down on the bench so he could get a good look at the inscription on the plaque that was located at the base of the statue’s plinth.

“‘Here lies the petrified body of Discord God of Chaos,’” Jon read. “‘Trapped in a stone prison by the Elements of Harmony for all eternity.’”

Suddenly it all came flying back. Although he never learned in full detail about this famous Equestrian villain he did know bits and pieces, at least enough to know the general details.

“Oooooh so that’s who you are!” Jon announced as he reached over to knock on its stony surface. “I guess this is what happens when you mess with Twilight and her friends.”

With a laugh at the monster’s expense, Jon turned in his seat and laid back using the imprisoned monster as his lumbar support. He knew vaguely how dangerous this creature was but now that it had been rendered lifeless he felt a lot easier about the situation, though he still pondered as to how it got here.

“Hmm... maybe I didn’t notice it?” Jon wondered to himself as his legs begged him to remain seated. Whipping out his phone, Jon checked the time to see how late it was. “I don’t know, I’m just... I’m tired.”

With a yawn, Jon tried to get up, but the second he did the sun touched the tip of his head, reminding him of how much cooler it was under the statue’s shadow. It was then that he decided to forget about whether or not this statue was here prior on the basis that it probably was and he was in too much a hurry to notice the first time around.

After all, statues can’t move.

“Yeah that’s probably it,” Jon agreed with himself as his eyelids began to feel heavy and he failed to hold back another yawn. “I’ll just uh... I’ll leave as soon as uh... I’ll just take a quick five minute break then it’s off to... wherever it is I’m going.”

Soon the sound of birds chirping and woodland creatures scurrying about wasn’t the only thing that could be heard from the maze, added to it was the ogreish sound of Jon’s snoring as he drifted away into a carefree sleep. A sleep so deep he didn't even notice the statue slowly wrapping its fingers around his head. Had Jon been more caught up with his Equestrian history he would have known that the thing behind him was no statue.

It was too late; his dreams were about to be breached.

Episode 20 [Discord]: Please welcome to the show Discord

Series: A pie eating contest
Interviewer: A snowman
Guest: Your mom
Date: 147 BC
Location: Right behind you so don't turn around.
Be honest you actually checked didn't ya?

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH SOME JEWISH GUY

Usually when one is invited to the Daily Show their only task for most of the night is to remain in their dressing room while Jon does his thing for the first fourteen or so minutes. This time is usually spent either psyching themselves up or praying to whatever god they believe in to deliver them safely home that day and watch over loved ones, because the future, as is the case with most English mid-term assignments the day after they’re due, remains unwritten.

However Discord was a trendsetter and instead decided to impose his will on the staff at Daily Show Headquarters in the form of rummaging through their desks and switching the labels on packed lunches in the refrigerator inside the employee breakroom.

Becky was going to eat Dylan’s tuna sandwich and Dylan was going to feast on twice cooked pork and there wasn’t a darn thing they could do about it. Truly this was the day they stopped believing in God.

But that wasn’t the end of Discord’s reign of evil, oh no, not him. In addition to rewriting history so that the moon landing never happened, making Neil Armstrong the first man to walk the plank, the master of chaos switched everyone’s gender to see what would happen, but unfortunately everyone was too busy working on their assignments to notice. All except for Jeffrey who really regretted getting that sex change operation the night before because now he was pretty much at square one all over again.

And as if that wasn’t enough Discord’s final act of petty vengeance against those who would see him stuffed with hay and used as a scarecrow was destroying the New York Stock Exchange by “leaking” trade secrets that tomato stock was at an all-time high. All honey and lies I tell you.

Improper transactions and turf wars sprung forth as a result and companies went out of business while others had to call their drug dealers just so they could get an ounce of ketchup. Crimes sprung up everywhere and good people lost their homes. Some bad people lost homes too but they had like two or three more in Mexico so it was all good.

Discord did all this. Gender reassignment, switching lunches, flooding the market to the point of complete disaster, and he still had thirteen minutes left to kill, which he used by playing chess with Jeffrey WHO WAS A GOD DAMN CHEATER AND HE KNOWS IT.

Soon Discord lifted his ears as a familiar sound exploded in his brain.

“Hark, I hear a noise!” he said. He knew what this meant. It was show time.

The sound of roaring applause quickly escalated in volume like a jet taking off from a runway, signaling the return of Comedy Central’s most profitable program ever: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. This along with the stock footage of ugly people drinking Pepsi, located just over the hill, soon came to a halt once the camera exploded to reveal that it was actually comprised of cheap salt water taffy that was well past its expiration date.

This more than anything else told Jon that he forgot to close the garage door AND that the show was moments away from either being cancelled or returning from a break.

There he sat in his desk, busily tracing his hand on the paper before him, being extra careful to get every nook and cranny of his finger; today was the day he’d make that thanksgiving turkey drawing or die trying. His dreams would have to be put on hold for now as the crowd of able-bodied nascar drivers, the likes of which he only thought existed in legend, were now chanting for the show to begin. Their bloodlust was almost unparalleled.

No longer would anyone have to wait for the main event, except those who were total dicks- yes, I’m looking at you Eric. The event that made the already fat Jon Stewart even more well known was to begin as soon as Jon finished scraping down his last helping of zebra.

“Hey, welcome back to the Daily Show. Boy oh boy do we have a grand show for you all tonight!” Jon Stewart said as the crowd of sentient laundry baskets angrily cheered for him to continue and for technical support. “Our guest tonight, he’s an Equestrian God representing all that is chaos as well as the winner of the 23rd annual Ms. Ponyville competition, the inventor and later destroyer of the laws of gravity, the world’s strongest beekeeper, a three time winner of the Canterlot cow tossing conest as of two seconds ago, creator of Facebook, the leading expert in pitbull biology, a loving son, caring husband, okay brother and the person responsible for awkward silences.”

“Wilhelm, what are you doing over there? Please welcome to the show Jackie Robinson!” Jon announced as an intern threw a balled up piece of paper at his head which he read as quickly as possible. “Oh, I mean Discord!”

The crowd, which at this point mostly consisted of the 1974 Oakland Raiders, jumped to their feet and flapped their wings in sheer delight at the prospect of being in the same room as Discord, the world’s most handsomest creature since ever. Their cries of joy grew so loud in fact that Jon felt as if he was attending one of Discord’s many successful concerts since he had become the lead guitarist for both Rolling Stones and ACDC when he proved he could deep chug egg nog in under ten seconds. He had eight seconds to spare.

Before Jon’s ears exploded came the moment everyone around the world, except Russia, had waited for; the smart, funny, and loveable Discord had arrived! Yay!

Since Jon’s studio was floating in the void of space somewhere in the Footprint Nebula, some guests found it difficult to traverse the set and find their seats what with the lack of gravity and oxygen. But for someone like Discord, who was as resilient as he was smart, he found his way across the stage effortlessly, moon walking his way to Jon’s desk with an entourage of a polar bear in a bikini and Jon’s third grade math teacher Mrs. Ferguson.

His supple red tail, brown body, and light gray head were mostly covered by medical equipment like scrubs, a hair net, toilet plunger, and face mask as he had just finished delivering a baby because he was cool that way. Only instead of the more traditional “delivery” he went and handed over a toddler to a neighbor across the street which they had ordered and would have received for free if Discord had arrived in over thirty minutes. He made it in five… years.

Slowly he moonwalked his way to the center of the stage where Jon was already on his feet eagerly awaiting his guest’s arrival since Discord was his favorite person in the entire universe and did I mention how cool Discord is ‘cause he totally is! After a quick summersault so awesome it left some audience members blind the guest of the hour was in his seat ready to go.

“Discord my friend and half-brother it’s so good to see you again!” Jon roared along with the crowd of casual Tibetan monks. “Thank you again for taking the time out of your busy schedule of crash testing Subarus to warp my brain into coming all this way here to see you!”

To show his respects, Discord removed his glasses and carefully placed them down his throat only to reach in further to produce a bouquet of flowers thought to have been extinct for millions of years.

“Oh are you kidding Jonathan, I wouldn't miss this for the world, of which I’m the president,” the delightful Discord said as he handed Jon the bouquet of HDMI cables. “It is an absolute delight to be here today! Here, these are for you!”

“Oh wow, my very own puppy!” Jon said as he carefully placed his gift onto the table before it scampered away in the direction of the guests of beautiful naked people. “I’ll be sure to water it every day. So how have you been Discord... you must have had a crazy year, am I right?”

“Oh not at all my dear homosapien friend. Not. At. All!” Discord The Magnificent answered. “Why between saving children from runaway burning busses and rescuing burning busses from runaway children everything has just been the same old, same old. In fact, the only reason I agreed to come here was for a nice change of pace.”

“See, that’s what I’ve always liked about you Discord, you’re never afraid to say what’s on your mind,” Jon revealed as the crowd of uptight engineering students agreed in the form of a light applause and light beer. “So what have you been up to since your parole?”

“Ooooooooooooh not much really. If I can be honest for a second I’m still being watched over by my old friend Celestia and her cavalcade of multicolored... heroes who want nothing more than to teach me the magic of friendship or whatever it is they go on and ooooooon about but I must say it does feel absolutely fanTASTIC to be free once more after a thousand years!” Discord demonstrated by sinking the winning point from half court. “At the moment however I’m at house arrest you see... I’ve been living either at my place or with Fluttershy and while she may not be the most interesting pony I’ve ever met she does treat me nicely which is more than I can say about Little Miss. turns you into stone or sends you to the moon if you act up.”

“Why did you get turned into stone if I might ask oh Great and Beautiful Discord The Awesome?” Jon asked as the crowd consisting of the entire cast of Cast Away leaned in with anticipation.

“Trying to take over the Kingdom.” Discord shrugged while clipping his nails in reverse.

“I hear that’s all the rage these days,” Jon responded while Discord was busily trying to rebuild his house.

“I know, right! Far be it for me to call myself a trendsetter, although I was the one who invented high-heel shoes,” Discord bragged, “but I was trying to take over kingdoms since before it was cool! Luna, Queen Chrysalis, they all got the idea from me... Oh sure, they probably got closer than I did, but historically speaking I was causing Celestia trouble much longer. I’m what the kids these days call OV... the original villain.”

“You know Discord, I may have only known you for a short period of time, but I trust you completely enough that I named my first born after you,” Jon admitted, causing the crowd of ankle high insomniacs to not cheer. “What I’m saying is I barely know anything about you from the days of old despite the fact that we’re living in 200AD. Do tell, what other forms of shenanigans did you partake in back in the day?”

“Oooooh nothing special really, I’m not saying I was some kind of saint... heavens no, I had my fair share of controversy,” Discord said, pausing a moment to let the herd of buffalo roam past as he was not up to the task of talking over them. “Some of my early works included filling everyone’s shoes with rice pudding, the creation of the Equestrian Fight Club Ponyville Chapter, temporarily bringing back to life everyone’s ex husband or wife just to make things awkward, and the creation of the DMV- a lot of ponies hated me for that one. But after a while I dreamt of something bigger so I tried to overthrow the laws of nature... but yet I’m here again... if I’ve learned one thing from Celestia in regards to her sister and I it’s that she’s far too forgiving, but I suppose that’s what makes her such a dear friend.”

“Well on behalf of all ponies and some humans I guess I would like to say how great it is to have The Great and Honorable Discord back and walking among the living!” Jon announced as he lifted his golden chalice filled with only the finest and most expensive tap water he could steal. “A toast to Discord The Great! May your scales shine forever!”

And with that Discord lifted his water bottle filled with the tears of his fallen enemies and the two took a quick sip as the crowd of 17th century polish immigrants chanted and praised the name of theirs and everyone else's favorite mythical god Discord, the manticore whose collection of toasters was rivaled only by his insatiable urge to fight the homeless.

Ignoring his ever increasing urge to confess his love for Discord, Jon decided to keep the topic laser focused on him; a fitting description since Discord himself invented the laser on a bar bet back in ‘75 when he was late for his best friend’s wedding.

“So Discord, you’ve been free to roam the Earth again for how long?” Jon asked while trying to keep balance on his lucky skateboard.

“Oooooh about a year now I’d say,” Discord answered while trying his utmost to do nothing whatsoever.

“And in that time what have you learned?” Jon asked as his guest graciously refilled his cup with the most unholy of substances he himself selected from his personal supply of things most foul. “What has Discord The Radiant learned since his glorious return?”

To set the mood, Discord snapped his fingers to transform the set into a plantation house with horse and buggy out front, Jon wearing a gentleman's attire and Discord made up to look like a southern belle straight out of a Clark Gable movie who, by the way, was a close, personal friend of Discord.

“Weeeeell I’m no gossip,” Discord said in a prissy voice before leaning in to try and whisper, “ACTUALLY, I TOTALLY AM!!! Anyhow, I’m no gossip, but I do hear talk about the goings on around town from the local grapevine if I do say so myself.”

The things Discord knew were enough to put him into a frenzy as evident by his having to take a break to fan himself with his award winning tail as the crowd of giant praying mantis, all of whom had the head of Jon’s father, waited patiently for him to recover.

“Do you need a minute?” Jon asked while he wolfed down his disgustingly delicious bowl of cobb salad.

“No no, I’m alright,” Discord assured Jon seven years later. “Anyways, what were we talking about?”

“I believe it was about the time you were trapped in an elevator,” Jon reminded as he shooed the local kids off his front yard.

“Ah yes, that’s right! So anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted by that Scandinavian revolution... since my return I have learned a multitude of interesting facts about life in Equestria,” Discord began, his smile brightening up the room that was slowly starting to melt. “Since I’ve been away I’ve learned that life has evolved to the point where ponies no longer fear for their own survival and now mostly worry themselves about how to entertain each other for just long enough that they forget all about the problems they themselves have created by living under the rule of a creature who can control the very fabric of space and time all the while ignoring that their death is slowly approaching and there’s nothing they can do about it.”

“Wow... I’ll be honest, I have no idea how you managed to stay in that elevator for eight hours.” Jon marveled with the knowledge that at any second he’ll cease to exist.

“Actually, one thing I’ve also learned is that all the adventures and coming of age stories that our friends, the mane six, go through every so often are only about a third of what really goes on,” Discord said in between doing nothing and doing everything. “You know how it seems like Twilight and her friends have a new adventure every week?”

“Yeah, I’ve been wondering about that,” Jon said as loudly as he could which really wasn't loud at all, thus shaming his entire family for decades to come.

“Well, in between those busy, busy days of theirs they get themselves into the craziest of situations!” Discord, the coolest kid at Ponyville High, continued. “So much so that I don’t even know where to possibly begin!”

“Are you saying... what I think you’re saying?!” Jon blurted, his excitement enough to make him hang up with his local publication as he was in the middle of canceling his subscription to mustache aficionado. “Is... is it time?!”

“Why I do believe it is my old friend,” Discord said as both he and Jon turned to the camera just in time for the crowd of shapeless pirates to rise to their feet to chant the words they’ve long since been waiting for.

“It’s time for... WHEEL. OF. STORIES!” everyone and their mother shouted as confetti rained from the sky, later turning to hail, then a flash flood destroying many, many houses in a sea of multicolored shredded paper.

Unable to hold his excitement back any longer, Jon swiftly turned around to punch an intern in the face before going behind his desk with Discord to retrieve a giant novelty “spin the wheel” type prop the two of them stole from their rival school back when they went to kindergarten together.

The wheel’s surface was split into dozens of different topics each relating to an untold story, all of which Discord saw first-hand and later with his own eyes due to his infinite control over the concept of time and DVR rewind. The wheel was so giant in stature that no ordinary man could possible lift its heavy mass, but since Jon was being helped it was all good. As the two slowly placed the prop atop Jon’s desk the crowd of giddy Canadian super models cheered for something interesting to happen before they went kill crazy like last time.

“Okay, looks like we’re all set up!” Jon proudly sneezed as he gave it a gentle spin to see if it was still working despite him having foolishly left it in his pants pocket the last time he did his laundry a few years back. “Now for those who don’t understand what this wheel is, it’s a collection of interesting stories that have happened over in Equestria that some of you haven’t heard yet but Discord knows about in great detail.”

Some audience members were so surprised to be given the chance to see the infamous wheel that they died at that very moment since they knew their lives weren’t going to get any better than this while other members gave birth from the sheer shock of it all. Interesting since they weren’t pregnant when they arrived.

“That’s correct Jon!” Discord added, now regretting not going to the bathroom before this interview started. “What’s going to happen is I’m going to spin this wheel and whatever story it stops on is what I’ll explain as much of as I can remember! Camera man, care to get a close up view for our audience at home?”

Obeying his wishes, the camera operator, who should have been home for Christmas hours ago, zoomed in to reveal the surface of the novelty wheel and slowly scanned it to let those at home see most of the topics.

Some stories included:

“How Luna got her groove back.”

“Twilight dies in an unfortunate checkers accident.”

“Celestia lies about her age on eHarmony.”

“Pinkie can’t eat ice cream anymore, so she kills a senator.”

“Rainbow Dash punches a cow because an infomercial made her feel stupid.”

“Rarity discovers fur-based clothing.”

“Applejack likes big flanks and she cannot lie.”

“Fluttershy overthrows the Chilean government.”

“Rarity devotes her life to helping the homeless by giving them fashionable cardboard boxes to sleep in.”

“Rarity becomes queen of the hobos.”

“Twilight’s evil twin sister tries to steal her inheritance.”

“Derpy gets interrogated by the police.”

“Local police station’s entire staff loses will to live after Ponyville’s 78th monster attack.”

“Pinkie Pie beats the Pony Devil in a game of badminton.”

“Derpy tries counting to ten, ends up putting Fluttershy in the hospital.”

“Applejack gets drunk and gets a lower back tattoo.”

“Fluttershy discovers if Zecora is white with black stripes or vice versa.”

“Pinkie Pie eats too many Rare Candies.”

“Twilight joins the republican party.”

“Celestia comes in second place in a Celestia-look-alike contest.”

“Derpy OD’s on muffins.”

“Equestria is under the brink of destruction and tomorrow is prom.”

“Ms. Cheerilee gets tenure; proceeds to stop giving a fuck.”

“Luna threatens to bring eternal darkness unless episode 3 is released.”

“Celestia tries to legalize everything... yes, even that.”

“Luna marries a ceiling fan.”

“Applejack changes her name to Lucky Charms.”

“Rarity tries to sell Sweetie Belle on eBay.”

“Spike lays a golden egg.”

“Equestria hosts the next Super Bowl.”

“Fluttershy gets married to the next person who dials 1800-get-that-shy.”

“Luna gets drunk and makes a dick figure with the stars.”

“Applejack becomes a pimp.”

“Derpy meets her long lost sister; Herpy.”

“Pinkie Pie tries to fit a whole watermelon in her mouth.”

“Trash day at Equestria turns into a revolution.”

“Princess Luna goes crazy... again.”

“Applejack puts together a Softball League.”

”New England Patriots’ first draft pick is: Applejack!”

“Fluttershy pushes Florida into the ocean.”

“Pinkie stole the cookie from the cookie jar.”

“Power Pinkie: A story of a body building mare.”

“Celestia ain't happy she’s feeling glad.”

“Pinkie Pie vs. Santa Clause.”

“Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy switch bodies.”

“The mane 6 travel into Pinkie Pie’s stomach.”

And so much more!

“Well, I think our audience gets the idea!” Discord announced through several megaphones. “So what do you think Jon? Are you ready to give this baby a spin... and then later this wheel?”

“Actually I don’t think I am,” Jon confessed, worried about the possibility that he left the oven on at home.

“In that case I believe the audience knows what time it is!” Discord hinted, which made the local viewers stand on their feet and throw their hands in the air in a display that some might interpret as them not caring for the present situation. “IT’S TIME TO...”

“SPIN. THAT. WHEEL!”

And spin the wheel he did! With a thrust of his mighty hands (which at one point earned him the a commercial gig for a watch company) Discord spun the wheel as fiercely as he could without any regard to his own well being. The wheel was just that important.

Hours flew by in the blink of an eye and still the wheel was in motion. Days turned to weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and soon eons were rushing by like it was nothing. Empires rose, civilizations evolved and soon collapsed under the weight of their own hubris, the yellow sun of Earth finally entered its last stage and burned out, leaving those who still inhabited the planet to walk around in eternal darkness which later killed almost all traces of life but kept the Earth in just the right state for the moles to evolve and reclaim the land in a blaze of glory and dirt!

The supreme mole king and leader of Neo-Earth captured the hearts of millions and later passed sweeping legislation that undermined his opponents and brought many favors to his closest friends. His own son killed him to gain his power but was later assassinated, leaving the monarchy the weakest it had ever been. War broke out over the territory of the once great Mole Empire, causing a nuclear war the likes of which never before seen, completely annihilating almost all life on Earth... again.

Intelligent life from the planet Ble-Gorp 7 visited our world shortly thereafter and found our once great civilization in an effort to learn more about other planets, only to discover that there was actually an unknown mineral deep within our core, a mineral that was most precious to them which unfortunately caused the great spacewar of 4302 where multiple factions fought over the right to planet Earth.

But in the end the planet was literally split down the middle with each side gaining a certain portion of the highly touted earthly minerals, but that wasn’t enough for them so a treaty was struck to open trade routes which later began a civil war over territory.

And still the wheel spun with no sign of decreasing in speed.

“Well then... while we wait for this thing to slow down hows about we continue our little one on one?” Discord suggested as the two of them got back into their seats. “So how have you been Jon?”

“Please, enough about me!” Jon pleaded by throwing pigeon after pigeon at his guest who only managed to eat three of them. “Let’s talk more about you!... I love what you’ve done with your hair!”

“DO YOU!” Discord shouted as he bashfully began to play with his long strands of golden hair which were endless and pure as silk. “Thank you ever so much for saying so! I got my hair AND my nails done by Rarity at her boutique!”

Delicately, he reached out to show his razor sharp claws that had a thin layer of hot pink nail polish.

“Oh, well no surprise there! Rarity is best when it comes to such things!” Jon said, his envious eyes alternating between the free flowing mane and delicate fingers, his jealously reaching near homicidal levels. “Of course she was willing to help you out, a creature of importance, such as yourself, must know everypony in town.”

“Yes, but it’s not as great as one might think,” Discord confessed as he calmly placed his wig aside for the moment. “Everypony in town knows of me due to my charming personality, studley physique, that one time I tried to take over Equestria, and my impressive stamp collection, so it’s hard trying to remember every face.”

“So why did Prohibition fail in America?” Jon asked as he stroked his beard.

“Well, my history is a tad bit rusty, but if I recall it was because of the eventual rise of organized crime as more and more citizens deciding to create and distribute their own forms of alcohol,” Discord explained while he stroked Jon’s beard. “In fact, it was so easy to create one’s own liquor that some were made incorrectly and either poisoned the drinker’s body or at the very least turned out tasting disgusting. This is why so many famous drink recipes involve adding soda or orange juice... because back then it was the only way to make them taste halfway decent.”

“So, as we’ve already established you know quite a lot of ponies over in Ponyville and indeed all over Equestria,” Jon began, remembering that he still had a pie sitting on the windowsill, “but out of all these ponies... who would--”

“Fluttershy,” Discord said.

“YES, well, you didn’t let me finish,” Jon pointed out as he handed him his slice of cake.

“Fluttershy,” Discord repeated.

“As I was saying,” Jon continued, “out of all the ponies in Ponyville who would you say--”

“Fluttershy,” Discord repeated once more.

“That is to say,” Jon coughed, not at all worried about life on the road, “who would you say is your favorite pony?”

“Fluttershy,” Discord answered.

“Hmm, didn’t even have to think about that one, did ya?” Jon wondered while his guest of the day turned his swivel chair into solid cheese for no particular reason. “I hardly know this pony myself, so tell me why... that is, why... ugh...”

For some reason, Jon felt a great pressure in his stomach like someone had put a vice grip over his ribcage. A bright light was slowly starting to seep into the room and everything from the crowd of overpaid sumo wrestlers to his upside-down desk was slowly starting to vanish. The candy striped walls of his building began to fall down in slow motion and his neon shag rug was starting to fade into nothingness.

It was as if reality itself was starting to slowly crumble around him as the pressure on his stomach began to distort his vision. Despite Discord being right in the middle of playing his famous guitar solo to the crowd of infinite children, he still found time to see the distress his friend was in.

“Jonathan, are you alright?” Discord asked, his sunglasses taking this opportunity to run for freedom. “You seem unwell.”

“I... I don’t know?” Jon said as he got up as fast as possible which made him even dizzier. “Everything is starting to feel... weird.”

It took Discord a second to figure out what was wrong, a problem most easily fixed by a snap of his fingers.

“Oh, I see what’s happening, you're starting to wake up,” Discord diagnosed before snapping his fingers, causing all the fixtures to return to their proper order as a haze of purple smoke covered the area, bringing with it a crowd of Batman villains who eagerly waited for the show to begin once more. “There we are... now what were we talking about?”

“I believe we were on Fluttershy?” Jon remembered as he was working on his science project for school. “Isn’t she technically your parole officer?”

“Parole officer?! Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no!... Well yes, but she’s... so much more than that?” Discord tried to explain while fighting off the forces of nature. “Despite what others think of me I do consider her a dear friend of mine... as someone who has lived for as long as I have I can say with certainty that she’s my favorite pony.”

“Why do you like her so much?” Jon asked while trying to find his seat.

The question seemed to have been as powerful as the nuclear bomb Discord disarmed that one time- you know the one, the one that saved that puppy. Usually the honorable guest of the night would have answered right away since he knew the answers to all of life's great mysteries, but for this particular inquiry he felt the need to sit down and take a moment to think it over.

Tilting his head to the side so the hot water would flow from his ear and into his cup as to allow him to drink his tea, Discord slowly opened his mouth with the intention to speak but found himself a bit tongue tied. After replacing his tongue he then spoke.

“I like Fluttershy because she’s different. She’s the only one who ever believed in me... you might say Celestia did when she tried to get me rehabilitated, and trust me those two are already similar enough, what with them both being too easy to forgive,” Discord said while taking a sip of his tea, drinking the cup and leaving the tea suspended in midair. “But believe you me, Celestia had other plans in mind when it came to trying to get me to turn over a new leaf... she’d never admit it but there was a part of her that thought I would never change. But when it comes to Fluttershy I feel as if she really believes in me... that may very well come back to bite her in the flank someday but for now I find her endearing enough that I can endure living with her.”

“Call me crazy but this is all sounds like very good sitcom material,” Jon pointed out as the crowd of outdated pilgrims waited patiently. “As far as roommate sitcoms go I’ve heard worse.”

“You are quite right. In that regard I find it very lucky that I get to live with a pony I can tolerate,” Discord explained. “She may be shy, soft spoken, naive, and at times quite feeble... but I do enjoy her company. And trust me for someone who has lived as long as I have there are those who would absolutely despise having to be in the same room as me.”

“Is that right?” Jon said, now in the final stages of his transformation. “Like who? I can’t imagine anyone who wouldn't absolutely adore the great and all-knowing Discord.”

Fun fact of the day: The number one most popular name of 1987 was ‘Discord.’

“Well... for starters it’s no secret that Twilight and her friends don’t particularly like me... excluding Fluttershy of course,” Discord admitted as he wormed his way out of his seat and into the air to float. “Even though I’m… on their side now they still don’t trust me. And while I understand their distaste I must say those gals sure know how to hold a grudge. I mean yeah, I tried to break apart their friendship by pitting them against each other, but come on... get over it already.”

The crowd of untrained German Shepherds and regular shepherds watched as Discord stayed floating in midair, his face remaining completely stationary while the rest of his body contorted and jerked around, occasionally knocking over a building or two.

“Same goes for their teacher Celestia... she may have ordered them to free me but trust me when I say she’s also keeping a close eye on me, and for good reason,” Discord continued. “Trying to take over the kingdom all those years ago- okay yeah, sure I did that, but she had no right to be surprised when I managed to break out to try it again. I mean fool me once, am I right?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that,” Jon interjected before his guest could finish another thought which he undoubtedly had. “How did you escape? I would have thought Celestia imprisoning you would mean something but I guess they don’t petrify evil like they used to.”

Wiping his tail across the room to grab himself a pen, Discord in turn grabbed one of Jon’s pieces of paper to begin writing to himself of his experience in Paris, all the while making sure to listen to Jon’s question and answer accordingly.

It was at that moment that Discord realized he forgot how to write, but in an attempt to keep up appearances he began to scribble nonsense all over its surface to the point where there was more ink than paper showing. This would later become Discord’s third highest selling book, right behind ‘How to revive a mockingbird’ and ‘100 ways to drive your man crazy- no I’m serious, literally crazy. He’ll be put in a mental institute.’

“The story of my daring escape is one that I personally looooove telling over and over again any chance I get!” Discord bragged. “Do you know who the Cutie Mark Crusaders are?”

“Oh of course I do! I actually had them on my show not too long ago,” Jon said, slamming his fist through the desk in excitement. “Cute kids, sweet as a button, each a member of a different tribe of pony trying their best to discover who they really are. Yeah I know those three, such lovely, adorable little fillies.”

“They actually freed me from my prison,” Discord added.

“I never did trust those trouble makers,” Jon added while repairing his desk. “Were they trying to get their ‘breaking a convicted felon out of jail’ cutie marks?”

“No, but get this. During one of their field trips they passed by my ‘statue’ and at the time were arguing amongst each other,” Discord said, painting a picture of what happened for all to see by literally painting a picture of what happened that day. “And while I’m encased in stone I still retain my ability to hear so I heard them steadily getting angry with each other... that conflict was just the push needed for me to free myself from my stone prison. Granted there were other mitigating circumstances, like the spell getting weaker since it was cast a thousand years ago and my own power slowly chipping away at it... not to mention the stone used to encase me wasn’t the toughest material. But trust me, my prison may have been falling apart but those three opened the door for me.”

“Magic is such a funny thing,” Jon could only comment while the crowd of disgruntled Walmart employees nodded in agreement. With a snap of his fingers Discord summoned forth a projector which was older than Jon and ten times better in shape. Using the adjacent clicker, he began to alternate between old slides from when Equestrians lived all those years ago.

Ponies wore parachute puff pants, everyone walked like Egyptians, and all the mares had their manes doused in hair spray which was already starting to kill their world’s ozone layer.

“I remember that day clearly... I was free finally for the first time in hundreds of years! I had the Elements of Harmony hidden and their users on the ropes! I was on the verge of once again raining chaos across the land!” Discord said as he posed heroically, his pulsating muscles glistening in the summer heat. “And then I lost to the mane six and was turned into a statue... again... not the highlight of my life to be sure...”

“I believe if you looked up ‘hubris’ in the dictionary you’d see your name,” Jon said as he looked into the dictionary he always kept for his show. “... Huh... it really does.”

“Yeah, I flew a bit too close to the sun that time.” Discord sighed as he snapped his fingers to make the Daily Show ‘applause sign’ turn into an ‘awwww sign’ so the audience would feel sorry for him.

“So let me get this straight... you finally break free from your stone prison after trying to take over the kingdom only to get beaten by the Elements, and the first thing you do is attempt to take over the kingdom? And then you get imprisoned by the Elements again,” Jon surmised for his best friend in the entire universe who once donated a kidney to him even though he didn’t need one but nevertheless took it anyway because they were that close.

“What can I say? I’m a creature of habit, but don’t worry, third time's the charm... OOPS DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD!” Discord jested proudly as he slicked back his hair and adjusted his double breasted suit. “Besiiiides, it’s not like I’m the only person to try this, every villain eventually tries to take over the kingdom; it’s a rite of passage for us. And at the end of the year we sign each other’s yearbooks.”

“Canterlot really needs a proper army with people like you around,” Jon said from behind his riot shield.

“Well it’s true! Luna tried to take over the kingdom, I tried to take over the kingdom... heck, even ol’ King Sombra tried it but he had to go and be Mr. ‘Ooooh I’m going to be unique and try to take over the Crystal Empire instead’... typical of him really, always trying to be different.” Discord teased by lumping his forehead like play dough to create a horn to imitate Sombra. “And of course, let’s not forget our dear acquaintance Queen Chrysalis... she tried to do the same thing but tried a more... roundabout way of doing it. Trying to marry herself into royalty rather than being straightforward about it... humph, that’s sooooooo Chrysey.”

“I had no idea you knew Chrysalis,” Jon said as he sorted his laundry.

“Who, Swiss Cheese? Oooooh yes, I know of her.” Discord chuckled in a way that exposed all his fangs as he rubbed his paw and talon together. “Let’s just say the two of us go back a loooooooooong way, if you catch my drift.”

“Not really,” Jon confessed. “Did you two fuck at one point?”

“JONATHAN!” Discord roared. “GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!”

“I’m trying!” Jon said, his arm halfway down the nearest sewage grate. “But it’s so darn slippery!”

“Our relationship was not romantic in any way... although with all those holes in her body you’d be fine for thinking that.” Discord giggled. “But no, our past is much more complicated... it’s because of me that she is who she is today... though her mind is far too corroded to realize it.”

“I don’t understand,” Jon said in the form of an interpretive dance. “How far back do you two know each other?”

To change things up a bit, Discord snapped his toes to create a new scenery consisting of some remote island that no one had ever heard of. There, Discord wore a Hawaiian shirt which he was totally pulling off while Jon wore a grass skirt and coconut bra which made his curvy figure all the more enticing.

“Quite a ways, but for you to understand this let me ask you something,” Discord said, leaning in as beautiful Caribbean women fanned him with giant banana leaves. “Do you know how the changelings came to be? Has anypony ever told you how they came to be who they are now?”

“As a matter of fact they have, but I’m far too old and senile to remember who told me,” Jon admitted. “If I recall... changelings were once a tribe of pony that lived thousands of years ago. But one day a great evil used an equally evil magic to transform them all into the changelings we know today, corrupting their minds and altering their bodies so they would live forever but only if they feasted on the love of others.”

“Very good Jonathan! You get a gold star!” Discord applauded along with the audience of dying fish. “And here’s your chance to earn another! The dark and evil creature who cursed them... was it: A) Discord, B) Discord, C) Applejack, or D) Discord?”

“Hmmmmmmmmm!” Jon said, rubbing his chin in deep thought. “I’m not quite sure buuuut… I’m leaning towards Applejack.”

“TIMES UP!” Discord yelled as a buzzer rang from off-screen. “It was me! Discord! Master of Chaos.”

“What a shocking turn of events that I swear I didn’t see coming from the next town over!” Jon gasped while a nearby chicken exploded. “Discord, why would you go and do a thing like that? Don’t you know using your power to destroy an entire race of people, turning them into mindless monsters, is a huge no-no?”

“It’s not my fault!... Okay it is, but she made me do it!” Discord whined as he furiously updated his Facebook status.

“Who? Chrysalis?” Jon asked as he logged on to ‘like' Discord’s update status.

“Yeah her! Here's something you might not know! It was Queen Chrysalis who brought that curse on her own people. Her clan of ponies was slowly dying and was on the verge of extinction,” Discord revealed to Jon and a crowd of no one. “So she came to me and made a deal that I would use my magic to make them immortal for a short time so they could procreate and up their birthrates for just long enough to rebuild their slowly dying culture. And like the helpful Chimera that I am, I obliged and she got what she wanted... but at a price.”

“Oh my God!” Jon roared. “You can talk?!... Wait, where were we?... Oh right... so what was this price?”

“Yes, well... as I said she got what she wanted... unfortunately what she didn’t count on was the fact that in exchange for eternal life both she and her people would transform into rabid monsters obsessed with power.” Discord giggled. “Ironically, her mind is so far gone that she no longer cares about her people, she just craves power.”

“So wait... why did you do all this to them again?” Jon wondered as woodland creatures gathered around them for more story time. “Did you not like her or what?”

“Why? I’ll tell you why... because it was fun! To this day it is the greatest prank I ever pulled! You see, the joke was they could only survive off love, but I made them all so horrifically ugly that no one could ever love such grotesque monsters!” Discord said. “The punchline? They would all die from starvation since they needed said love to maintain their immortality... but then they went and ruined it by adapting and teaching themselves the art of shape-shifting and managing to stave off death a few more hundreds of years.”

“You kids and your genocide pranks!” Jon scolded with a sigh and a smile. “Whatever happened to whoopee cushions?”

“My plan would have worked too! I may have been more powerful back then but I was also quite the cocky young troublemaker. You see, another reason I cursed them all was because I was attempting to see the full range of my magic... destroying an entire race of ponies seemed like a good acid test at the time,” Discord said while idly throwing bread crumbs at a flock of elderly people. “But as it turns out some changelings managed to avoid getting fully affected. All of them had their bodies altered yes, but I hear that some changelings actually retained their sanity... but what’s done is done… in the end I still get the last laugh.”

“Last laugh?” Jon echoed. “What’s all this then? Explain your words!”

The crowd of Ryan Gosling lookalikes were on the edge of their seats, their eyes and ears more focused now than ever in their lives as they eagerly waited for Discord to speak his mind which to them was as pure as silk and warm as honey.

“Well here’s the thing... since I’ve been imprisoned for so long I’ve actually gotten a bit weaker... I’m out of shape as you can see.” Discord demonstrated by snapping his fingers to turn the set into a men's locker room where he weighed himself on a scale, prompting it to break. “What I’m saying is I’m the only person who can lift their curse but since I’ve lost some of my power I can’t reverse it even if I wanted to... their stuck as monsters for all eternity and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

“And how does Chrysalis feel about this?” Jon asked. “Does she hate you for what you did or does she like her new power?”

“Oh she doesn’t remember,” Discord answered as he viewed himself in his vanity mirror. “Poor girl’s mind is so corrupted that she can’t remember who did this to her... good thing too since we know each other and if she found out it was me things would be aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawkward!”

“Let me ask you something,” Jon said as the pressure was starting to return to his stomach. “Do you ever regret doing what you did?”

With snap after snap of his fingers, Discord made the room shift in form and color till he found a combination he liked. He settled for a rustic cabin in the woods motif only instead of wood everything was constructed from pure candy.

“You know, I’ve never thought about whether I do or not. Here, let me,” Discord said as he turned in his chair to address himself standing behind him. “Hey Discord? Do you feel sowwy about what you did?”

“Certainly not, Discord,” Discord said.

“Certainly not, Jonathan,” Discord answered after swinging back around. Discord was so wrapped up in his own tomfoolery that he didn’t notice Jon was starting to become less demented.

“Okay but... really? Not even a little?” Jon inquired further. “Because of you they have grown in numbers and went on to do many terrible things in Equestria. Sure it was their idea to invade Canterlot but they wouldn’t even be like that were it not for you.”

“Oh please Jon, don’t bother me with the details,” Discord said as he snapped his fingers to make his chair turn into a thrown for which he could sit on. “Such things are not my problem. Besides, they’ve caused many trouble so why should I care?”

“Well... okay, let me offer onto you a hypothetical,” Jon said as he tried his best to not get dizzy from his distorting vision. “Let’s say... let’s say if instead of Canterlot the changelings invaded Ponyville... and instead of harming and capturing Celestia, Queen Chrysalis instead captured Fluttershy... what say you then?”

At this point in the interview, Discord was sitting comfortably in his throne with both hands on the armrests in perfect harmony, floating without a care. Hearing this hypothetical scenario didn’t seem to have any adverse effect on him, but soon Jon saw some signs of discomfort about him when his body started to shake, his smile seeming more forced and his grip intensifying to the point the armrests exploded into pieces as his fists had applied a great amount of pressure.

“Jon... let... let me put it this way... if Chrysalis... or any other changeling for that matter tried to harm Fluttershy,” Discord began as the walls started to melt and fire engulfed the studio, slowly spreading from one side of the room to the other, “I’d make sure their people would pay dearly by wiping them off the face of the Earth... for real this time.”

Rising from his seat, Discord began to grow in size, slowly metamorphosing into a giant version of himself with the flames he had conjured up doing the same with him. To demonstrate how serious he was he snapped his fingers which caused the audience to disappear in a flash without any trace of them ever existing.

“I’d start by destroying each and every one of their colonies... even the ones filled with rouge changelings. Then I’d attack them at the heart by going to the main hive and wiping them all out one by one, leaving Queen Chrysalis as the only survivor. Once I was sure she was the last one I would use every ounce of magic I could muster to cure her of her curse somehow just so she could see with her own, untrained eyes that her entire people, everypony she tried desperately to save, is no more... then, once it was clear that she was the sole survivor of her own race, I would finally lay my vengeance by-- HEY I JUST GOT A GREAT IDEA!” Discord exclaimed as he quickly reverted back to his normal size and extinguished the flames that were engulfing the two of them, bringing things back to his level of normality. “All this talk of Fluttershy has got me thinking... why not have her on your show sometime!”

“Fluttershy?” Jon asked with a raised eyebrow. “On my show?”

“But of course! Oh it would be such fun to see her on live television, wouldn't you agree!” Discord said with frantic breath. “I can just see it now! It would be such a nice change of pace for her to be out of her element, so to speak. If you did this I’d really owe you one.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon,” Jon had to break to him. “I’ve actually offered her a spot on my show on multiple occasions but she’s turned down my offer every single time... I get the feeling she’s too shy to be on multi-national television.”

“Hmm, that certainly does sound like dear Fluttershy,” Discord was forced to admit. “But perhaps... perhaps I can be of some assistance!”

“How so?” Jon asked as Discord raised his hand like he was offering a high-five but in practice had Jon’s work cellphone spring forth from his jacket and into his claw like Magneto manipulating a scrap of metal.

“How about this... I’ll hold onto this for you, by which I mean I’m going to steal this, and when you come looking for it you’ll have no choice but to run into Fluttershy since I often live with her,” Discord explained. “From there I’ll make it so she accepts your eventual offer of traveling to your world... of course you’ll have no memory of this plan but I’m certain you’ll come looking for this in due time while I look through your gallery.”

“This plan of yours is stupid, convoluted, unrealistic, and I’m so on board!” Jon said as he reached behind him to shake Discord’s hand. “Now then! How will you do it? How will you convince her?”

“Oh dear, sweet Jonathan, I would love to go into detail but I’m afraid that’s all the time we have today!” Discord revealed as tears ran up his cheeks and into his eyes. “I’m sorry to say that I must take my leave now!”

“You can’t be serious!” Jon moaned. “You can’t stay a little bit longer?”

“Oh I’d love to Jon, believe me I would! I still haven’t gotten to my story about how I managed to prank Celestia by switching her shampoo bottle with paint, causing her mane to become rainbow in the first place!” Discord said as he reached into Jon’s ear to produce a golden pocket watch the size of a basketball, and instead of a face the clock simply read ‘now.’ “But good heavens, look at the time! Fluttershy is expecting me to join her for our daily snack time in ten minutes! I simply cannot stay any longer! If I’m late she might get worried. She’s such a mother hen that one is!”

“I understand, I myself was supposed to join my wife for lunch hours ago,” Jon blissfully stated without the weight of his statement taking effect. “Well nevertheless it was an absolute joy having you on the show Discord! May the rest of your days be filled with only the finest of puddings.”

“Thank you very much for having me!” Discord said with a bashful tone and blushed cheeks. “I promise to never invade your world.”

“But don’t let that stop you from visiting us sometime,” Jon offered as he turned the wrong way to face the audience. “Discord, The God of Chaos everyone! We won't be right back!”

With no one left to operate the camera, Discord took it upon himself to simulate the illusion of the current scene zooming out by using his powers to upheave the entire desk both he and Jon were sitting at and slowly having it drift away from the camera and into the void of nothingness.

All the while Jon leaned in to whisper something into his ear apparently so funny that Discord’s midsection fell to the ground and ran away as he had successfully laughed his buttocks off. Before the screen went dark to make way for the commercials, the Daily Show slogan flew on sight but it was hours late and drunk so it was going to be fired- which is heartbreaking considering it has an advert-wife and three logo-children to look after.

All this occurred within seconds; leading to the moment Discord released his grip over Jon’s mind, and like a drowning man finally being given air, Jon was permitted to return to safety.

Episode 20 [Discord]: Here it is your moment of zen

The garden of Canterlot Castle was still as vacant as when Jon arrived. This meant no one was around to hear Jon waking up or observe the dozens of birds flying away as the echoes of the elderly New Yorker’s roar of fear reverberated throughout the surroundings.

“AARGH!” Jon yelped as he lunged forward in a cold sweet like he had just awoken from a late night fever dream. His heart was pounding and his stomach was cramping up again. “What... WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Grabbing his sides, Jon tried to piece together what had just happened which was difficult since his memory was slowly dissipating like fog over a boggy area. He barely remembered how he ended up in the middle of the Castle Gardens let alone what was going through his mind when he went to sleep.

He vaguely recalled wanting to enter this maze to find something, but other than that his mind failed to connect the dots. He knew he had suffered another nightmare, but his mind refused to reveal what it was. All he knew was it had something to do with that sculpture he found.

“Wait!” Jon remembered. “Th-the statue!”

Jon recalled that whatever was causing him yet another horrible dream was the piece of artwork that was behind him, but what he saw when he turned around scared him even more than when he arrived... or rather, it was what he didn’t see.

Terrified, Jon stumbled back and landed on the ground as he desperately tried to back out of the room and into the hallway of leaves. The statue was no longer there. His memory about how he got here and what he dreamt about may have dissipated, but he was certain that there was once a statue where he was sleeping. He could not even recall what it was a statue of but he knew it existed.

Grabbing his beating heart, Jon slowly stood up, his eyes fixed on the area which he just retreated from. He knew whatever he dreamt of must have been horrible based on how terrified he was from the whole ordeal.

“Okaaaaay...” Jon said to himself as he backed away slowly, regretting ever separating himself from the group, “maybe coming here to relax wasn’t the best idea.”

Jon’s frantic backing away progressed into a full on sprint as he desperately tried to escape the enclosure so he could hopefully duck back into the castle without anyone noticing. He may remember very little of what he had dreamt but somehow he knew it had something to do with that statue. He vowed to never try something like this again, but little did he realize that this wouldn’t be the last he’d see of Discord.

Episode 21 [Fluttershy]: Lost phone

Jon Stewart is old. This would come as no surprise to anyone who knew him. Born in 1962, Jon was now over 50 years old, and while he and his writing staff liked to fall back on the occasional “Jon is old” joke (usually while doing a segment with a younger correspondent like Jessica Williams), whenever he told such jokes there was always an underlying sense of unironic truth behind it.

One of Jon’s favorite shows was The Simpsons, of which he was grateful to appear in once, and one of his favorite characters on the show was Grampa Simpson. He liked him because, to him, he was an avatar for how he felt being the older gentleman that he was.

And of course Jon was two things above all else; a family man and a working man, both of which made him feel older than he actually was. Or, as Abraham Jay-Jedediah "Abe" Simpson put it in the 1996 episode Homerpalooza:

“I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems weird and scary to me.”

When it came to work, Daily Show Headquarters was stocked with a cavalcade of spritely young men and women who could easily pass as his own child. The reason being that not only were most of his staff budding up-and-coming writers fresh out of college, but a large majority of his employees were interns still in University with dreams of making it big in the real world; some of whom had more ink on their skin than on their resumes.

And then there was the Stewart household.

Having a wife that’s a full decade younger than him was one thing but having two kids whose ages were barely in the double digits didn’t help him feel less like an old man. Then there was how insulting it was when those who didn’t know of him thought he was their grandfather.

Whether it was their hyperactive scampering about or ceaseless ramblings about the latest iOS app or viral video, Jon found it difficult to keep up with them. And the cherry on top of the sunday that was his dilemma of feeling like an old man in a young person's world was that he could never understand the many fascinations his children held in such high regard.

In reality, their young minds were a reflection of modern society so for Jon he just found their way of thinking to be obtuse and was convinced that things were better in his days. Or to quote another Simpsons character:

“Am I out of touch? No; it’s the children who are wrong.” - Seymour Skinner.

And indeed it was in the Stewart household that Jon could be seen stumbling around the family living room, unintentionally flaunting his advanced age yet again in the form of him walking in circles looking for something which he had lost.

Tracey was in the next room preparing lunch when her husband called out to her. She decided to stay put and not waste her time helping him out because she knew from experience where this daily ritual would lead to.

“Traaaceeey!” Jon called out as he stumbled around the room with all the grace of a drunk three- legged cow. “Have you seen my phone?!”

“Did you check your pocket, dear?” Tracey called back as she checked the skillet to see if it was at the right temperature.

“Of course…” Jon began before quickly patting himself down to check every compartment on his person from his trousers to his breast pocket, “... I have! It’s not there! Can you help me find it?”

But still, Tracey resolved not to move; she knew that any second now he’d find it on his own regardless of whether she helped or not. Last time this happened it was for the TV remote and it was in his right hand the entire time.

Even without turning around to face him, Tracey could hazard a guess as to what he looked like. His poor posture as he awkwardly tried to bend over to look under a couch cushion without hurting his back, combined with his squinting eyes (as he was often too stubborn to wear his glasses for anything other than reading), made him resemble an animal trying to stand on its hind legs for the first time.

The reason Tracey was as adamant about not helping as Jon was about finding his phone was because she knew it would turn into an ego thing. If she helped it would just bum Jon out that he was too inattentive to remember where he placed it, too rigid to properly get on his knees to get a lower vantage point, and too blind to see it even if it was in plain sight.

All the hallmarks of feeling old.

No, Tracey wanted her husband to figure this out on his own so he could feel that jolt of satisfaction for doing so. Jon however didn’t care how he would come about retrieving his cellphone so long as he just found it as soon as possible... because this was no ordinary cellular device.

“Dammit!” Jon thought as he flipped over the same sofa cushion he checked a few minutes ago to see if the phone would mysteriously appear this time. “Where did I leave that thing?!”

The reason Jon was so worried about finding something he could easily just replace was that this particular phone was his work phone which housed within it several contacts, files, and messages that he needed to respond too. But most importantly it was the phone which he used for work not just here in New York but in Equestria as well.

One advantage to being business partners with Celestia was the perks he got for working with a living, breathing God-like creature with other worldly powers. Such powers included teleporting him to various locations around Equestria, healing magic if he ever got hurt on the job, and most impressive of all his cellphone, which had been enchanted with magical properties making it Jon’s greatest tool while out in the field.

A problem that came about early when in Equestria, but was easily dealt with, was that while it was easy for Jon to make calls to other Equestrian numbers while in their world those back home in New York couldn't get ahold of him. There weren’t many service providers who had “Equestria” on their list of unlimited calls nationwide.

While Jon didn’t particularly hate the idea of his business associates and other world related colleagues being unable to get in contact with him he knew this was a problem. Celestia agreed and, using her magic, made it so his phone could make and receive calls no matter what world he was in.

Jon did not want to go through the hassle of getting a new phone anymore than having to ask Celestia to use her phenomenal cosmic power to make sure he was at a constant five bar status.

In addition, Jon was reminded of the last time he lost his cellphone; it didn’t end well. Turning around, Jon desperately checked under the same couch cushion from before. Same results.

“I gotta find that phone,” Jon muttered under his breath.

The next half-hour proceeded in the same fashion; Jon stumbling about trying to find his lost hardware with Tracey close by working in the kitchen. Both children were upstairs in their rooms so they didn't have a chance to gloat at their father who always lectured them on misplacing their toys.

At one point during his quest he forgot what it was he was even looking for whereupon he promptly decided to watch some TV. This would have been fine in terms of a quick break but when he left to go to the restroom he also misplaced the TV remote. He found it and proceeded to gleefully tell Tracey who reminded him that it was his cellphone he was looking for.

Never had he felt more like Derpy.

“Honey, lunch is ready!” Tracey called out from the kitchen. “Can you get the kids?”

“In a minute babe,” he answered back while looking under a random sofa cushion, “I need to find my phone... can’t you help me?”

“Did you try calling it with your family phone?” Tracey responded after a tired sigh.

“Of course…” Jon began before quickly digging out his friends and family phone and dialing his number, yielding no results other than the fact that it went to voicemail after a few rings, “... I did, and nothing! Can you help me out please?”

With her resolve to not get involved not completely eroded, Tracey shook her head and decided to see if she could help guide this mouse to the cheese at the end of the maze. After placing the food on the table she walked over to her husband who was scratching his head while looking in all directions.

“Okay okay, I’m here,” she assured him with a stroke of his aging hair. “So cellphone… right. Okay, think honey… when was the last time you remember using it?”

Tilting his head, Jon found answering her question to be as daunting a task as finding the phone had been up to this point. He barely remembered what he had for dinner last night let alone when he last used his phone.

And since he had just finished another week-long holiday, no one was trying to get ahold of him for business, so he had to think long and hard for a reference point.

Seeing him struggle, Tracey motioned for him to sit down while she gently rubbed his head. It felt nice, but more than that the stimulation was enough to get him to remember when he last had it and subsequently where he might have lost it. He was not pleased with this newfound memory.

Before Tracey could ask if he could remember, Jon shot up from his seat so quickly he almost headbutted her across her chin. Reeling back, she wanted to ask what was wrong, but again Jon was on the move, this time heading towards the stairs.

“J-Jon honey!” she called out in a confused tone. “Where are you going?”

“To get the kids just like you asked!” he called back. “Remember, it’s lunch time!”

Turning the corner at the top of the stairs, Jon made his way towards his kid’s rooms with Tracey wondering why the sudden burst of energy that was so rare for a man his age. Shrugging it off, she walked back to prepare the table for the soon-to-be lunch with her family.

Jon, however, was still standing in the hallway with his back to the wall, occasionally peeking over and down the stairs to be sure Tracey was gone. With heavy breath, Jon was now in a slight state of panic.

He didn’t technically lie because he was going to get his kids, but the real reason he needed to get away from her was because he realized that the last time he had his phone was when they both got invited to stay at Canterlot Castle, with Celestia acting as their personal tour guide.

It was a nice gesture that the two humans took advantage of, Jon objectionably more than Tracey. Because although he had a great relationship with her, Jon found himself upsetting Celestia a tad bit when he ran off into the closed-off Canterlot Garden.

Even worse was when Tracey caught him as well and proceeded to punish him for embarrassing her in front of her pony friends.

All in all it was an experience that Jon would rather forget, which is why he didn’t want to bring it back up around his wife, with the idea being that he most likely dropped his phone while skulking around against the royal sister’s best wishes.

With a heavy moan, Jon took out his personal phone and then proceeded to type in a number that only he knew. If he wanted to get his phone back he would need to call Celestia and ask her to allow him access back into her garden to retrieve it.

He was not looking forward to having to bring this unpleasantness back to her attention and was already coming up with another apology for the incident. Thankfully however the universe decided that this gesture would not be necessary and granted him a free ride when at the moment he was about to press dial a message came up on his phone, slightly startling him.

Squinting his eyes, Jon realized that his phone had received a text message which he would, at a time like this, usually be fully ready to ignore were it not for the fact that the person texting him was himself.

“What the hell?” Jon said at the sight of receiving a text message from the very cellphone he had just spent the last hour looking for.

Episode 21 [Fluttershy]: Reunion

Episode 21 [Fluttershy]: Reunion

Doing a little double take, Jon assessed that yes the message he had received was from his missing cell phone. Since it was Jon’s own phone he had no reason to add it in his contacts so the message didn’t have a name, only the number, but he recognized it nevertheless.

Suspicious as to what all this meant, Jon swiped his index finger across the screen to get to the bottom of this. With squinted eyes he read the text and felt a mixture of relief and embarrassment; his suspicions turned out to be right on point.

“Hello Jon, this is Princess Celestia. It would seem that you left your cellphone in the middle of the Canterlot Garden. I was planning on contacting you about this sooner but I was in a very important meeting. If it’s acceptable with you I would like to bring you here to retrieve it in person; there is somepony I would like you to meet.”

Jon was certain that he had lost his mobile device at Canterlot Castle so he had no reason to doubt that this was Celestia. There was however a small part of him that considered this might be some kind of prank at the hands of one of his friends or coworkers, but the attached photo that came with the message quashed all doubt from his mind.

It was a photo, taken from the front camera, of Celestia smiling and holding his phone. Presumably she took a selfy off a mirror.

With a deep sigh that one might mistake for the mating call of a tone-deaf yeti, Jon arched himself back and slowly walked over to his kid’s bedrooms. Relieved that his phone was in safe hands- or hooves, rather- Jon multitasked by using one hand to send a reply while using his other to knock on his kid’s doors; signalling them that lunch was ready.

“Yes, that would be fine. Can’t stay too long, though,” Jon texted back as his kids ran past him without so much as a hi to get to their food. With the assumption that this wouldn’t take too long, Jon decided not to tell Tracey where he was going and instead went through his usual ritual of standing up straight for the incoming burst of magic. “Okay. I’m ready.”

Turning his phone off, Jon looked at his chest to quickly decide where he would holster his device and got as far as grabbing ahold of his jacket’s lapel so he could slide his phone into his front pocket when the scenery around him changed.

Something seemed… different.

A number of things felt odd to Jon; first and foremost being how he was transported to Equestria and second being exactly where he was.

Sure he had traversed both worlds by way of teleportation many times before (sometimes by other ponies than Celestia), but this time felt different. Usually whenever Celestia used her magic on him it would take a few good seconds, to the point where Jon could predict the exact instant he’d blink from one world to another.

But this time he arrived much sooner than he expected, almost recklessly so; like Celestia was waiting for the exact moment she was given the okay to do it. Whoever she wanted Jon to meet they must be important for her to be in such a hurry. But that was just it; he was hardly anywhere near Canterlot.

Jon found himself in front of a bridge which lead to a cottage atop a hill. He would have been nervous about being in a location that he had never been to before, but when he looked around the first thing he noticed was Ponyville just beyond the next hill; perhaps five minutes away on foot.

He now knew generally where he was, but his confusion only deepened from there. Usually this

would be the part where he would question why Celestia opted to teleport him here in an empty, grassy plain occupied by several fenced in enclosures, rather than in the luxurious compound that was Canterlot Castle.

On que, Jon received another text from Celestia explaining the situation; almost suspiciously so.

“Like I said, I was in a meeting, which happened to have taken place in the cottage just ahead of you. Please… do come in.”

This all seemed a tad suspicious but Jon’s growling stomach reminded him that he had some place to be and that he needed to hurry. Again he brushed off any sense of worry, dismissing it as needless on his part. He wasn’t in any danger, he was in Ponyville, and his celestial friend was nearby. All was surely well.

As Jon crossed the bridge he couldn't help but feel like he was in some kind of fairy tale. Obviously anyone would feel the same way if they were in a technicolor land of magic and talking animals, but for Jon it was a feeling he had gotten used to early in his travels to Equestria. So to have that feeling creep back on him meant that the area he currently occupied must have had quite the effect on him.

Although there weren’t any ponies around, he was far from alone. Woodland creatures were teeming everywhere, from deers and squirrels scurrying about in the undergrowth to birds feasting on the many bird feeders scattered on anything willing to hold them.

The small cottage surrounded by plant life was a nice touch as well, leaving Jon surprised that a troll didn’t pop up from under the bridge with three riddles. All Jon was missing to make this look more like a Germanic children’s tale was a red hood and a basket filled with sweets.

Having reached only a few feet away, Jon felt a slight strain as the ground inclined upwards, forcing him to take quicker breaths. Now in front of the cottage and on a higher vantage point, Jon knocked on the door and quickly glanced over his shoulder at the almost untouched land he had been transported too.

“How peaceful,” Jon thought with a chuckle. He always had an idea of vacationing with his kids to Equestria some time but never quite cemented on where specifically to take them. Canterlot Castle was no place for children and Ponyville was too bustling but this… this seemed like a nice place for kids.

The sound of a locking mechanism disengaging followed by a door opening caused Jon to turn around whereupon he completely took back that last thought.

The front entrance was split across the middle like a barnyard door. The upper half had been fully opened, revealing who it was that was currently occupying this quaint cottage much to Jon’s shock and horror.

If he was Little Red Riding Hood then he was now face to face with The Big Bad Wolf, an apt comparison since there were even odds the creature starring Jon down had some wolf in him.

At first it took Jon a few seconds to make head or tails of what he was looking at, but soon after his brain clicked and filled in the blanks for him. Those yellow and red eyes, those non-matching horns on his head, the long eyebrows which matched the billy goat beard... oh yes, he remembered who this creature was, and judging by the tooth grin it was shooting his way it remembered him too.

“Well, well, well,” the creature Jon now remembered as Discord said. “Jon Stewart as I live and breath, is that you?!”

This can’t be real.

Jon’s mind produced the stimulants needed to create the words he wanted to say but the muscles in his face were frozen so speech was an artform he had temporarily forgotten. His eyes were a reflection of fear and surprise which in no way matched Discord’s since he had forcibly removed his own eyeballs, breathed on them, rubbed them against his chest, and placed them back in his face like they were glasses.

“It is you!” he confirmed with a grin that showed off his teeth which, like everything else about him, varied. “Fancy seeing you again so soon... how have you been?”

But again he just stood there with a blank look about him, his body begging him to leave but that too was something he had forgotten how to do.

“This isn’t happening,” Jon thought as Discord slowly tilted his head from side to side like a pendulum. “I’m... I must be hallucinating! There’s no way... he’d be here!”

Jon’s knowledge of Equestrian current news was spotty at best and Celestia had, on account of not wishing to scare him away, neglected to mention it to him, meaning he had no way of knowing the series of events that lead to Discord being freed. Discord however had already been in Jon’s head and knew everything he did, or, more importantly, what he did not.

The sight of him utterly confused beyond understanding made him giggle with delight.

Jon did eventually move in the form tightly closing his eyes and shaking his head in disbelief as if he was certain when he opened them again he would be back home. His denial was shattered when his vision adjusted back into the moment only to see Discord holding out his long lost phone which he had procured from deep in his throat.

“I believe you came here for this,” Discord said as he tempted Jon by swaying his cellphone in his face. “Honestly Jon, you should really be more careful where you put your toys... I mean, imagine if it were to fall into the wrong hands...”

Leaning forward, he brought his mouth to the side of Jon’s head and lowered his voice.

“Again,” he added.

Nope. That was it.

With a shriek that caused all birds within the area to flutter away from their bird feeders, Jon’s legs gave out as he tumbled backwards onto the ground. Ignoring every hazard before him he leapt over a nearby moat and ran as fast as his legs could take him down the hill, screaming imprecations along the way.

His plan was to run straight into Everfree Forest which was continuously next door. He knew going in such a place was near suicide but any place was better than in front of a devilish god. Perhaps there Jon thought he would lose him and be safe- he had it all planned out. After he was sure that he was safe he would call Celestia for help.

Or at least he would have if he had reached the place.

Rule one about running away from an animal was to never, ever look back. In fear, Jon did just that when he was halfway to the forest and paid for it by running face first into a tree; not hard enough to do much damage but just hard enough to knock him out... and send a purple bird feeder crashing over his head. If this were a cartoon there would be birds and stars flying over his head.

The last thing Jon remembered before passing out, aside from the sound of someone laughing uncontrollably in the area, was the tree that he collided with. As he slowly regained consciousness, his face scratched from the hard, outer bark, his vision focused in on something that wasn’t a tree at all.

“Oh, you’re awake!” it said in a soft voice that was both low in volume and sweet sounding. “Thank goodness... for a moment there... I thought you would never wake up.”

His head was aching and his vision was still slightly blurred but he could see well enough to know that he was looking into the eyes of a pony who was hovering just above his face; a pegasus obviously, with long flowing pink hair and a light yellow body.

“Whe-uh... Where am I?” Jon asked as he tried unsuccessfully to get up.

“Oh, um... please don’t push yourself,” the kind pony recommended. “You should really stay lying down... you took quite a nasty fall.”

With his eyesight still not at a hundred percent, Jon had to rely on his other senses to help him determine where he was. The smell of medical alcohol was unmistakable, but not as strong as the scents of rustic upholstery, unvarnished wood, and candle wax; all of which told him he was probably in one of Ponyville's quaint cottages. Soon yet more scents invaded his nostrils and he found himself with the distinct impression he was in some kind of pet store.

Being a dog owner himself, he recognized the wafting smell of animals and various pet accessories like litter, kibble, plastic toys and so forth. He tried to look around the room but the bright light of the still sunny afternoon ached at his eyes.

What he did see, however, was a simple cottage much like your typical Equestrian home, though slightly different than what he had experienced before. It didn’t have as many books as Twilight’s library treehouse, or as many fabrics and stunning furniture as Rarity’s boutique, but what it did have were cages, more birdfeeders, and the occasional animal bed for larger creatures.

All of this was interesting but didn’t help Jon determine what was going on.

“Where am I?” Jon repeated in a moaning if slightly clearer tone as he rubbed his head.

“Oh um... I’m sorry,” the pegasus apologized as she placed a new ice pack atop his head the second Jon’s hand fell back down. “You’re in my house... you ran into a tree and passed out so we’ve been taking care of you.”

Like his vision, Jon’s memory was not coming back as quickly as he’d like, though he did remember running into a tree. He also remembered what he was running away from.

“‘We?!’” Jon echoed and he defied his savior’s wishes by jolting up and scanning the room as quickly as possible. “Who’s we?!”

“O-oh um… Z-Zecora and I,” she answered as she motioned Jon over to the entrance of the kitchen just in time to see a familiar figure emerging back into the room.

“Hello Jon, I see you’re awake,” the zebra said as she made her way to the pegasus’ side. “Though you should lay back down... for your own sake.”

Following orders, Jon flopped back down on the couch that he had been placed upon- not out of obedience, but because after taking stock of where he was and who he was with he confirmed that he was safe. He must have had some sort of nightmare, he concluded.

Relieved enough to let his guard down, Jon looked at the more colorful of the duo who was now at his side making sure he was alright. At this point he had read enough personal files to come to a conclusion as to who this was.

“Y-you’re Fluttershy, aren’t you?” Jon asked which made the pink and yellow pegasus lower her ears at the sound of her own name.

“Oh well um... yes... yes I am,” she said in an increasingly softer tone as she backed away. “I hope you don’t mind but... I’ve been taking care of you for the past hour or so... I’m sorry if you do mind.”

“Um... no, of course I don’t,” Jon assured her as he swung his feet over to get into a seated position. “Uuuugh... my head’s killing me.”

“This is to be expected, considering to what you’ve been subjected. When Fluttershy told me of how you ran into lumbering wood I rushed over as quickly as I could,” Zecora explained, Jon now remembering that she did indeed live close by. “We checked to see if any of your bones were broke, before you came to and awoke. She was scared you might be dead, but you only have a mild concussion instead.”

“I uh, I see,” Jon said, trying to give a reassuring smile to Fluttershy. “Thank you very much Ms. Fluttershy.”

“Oh think nothing of it,” she responded with a slight blush. “Always happy to help out when I can.”

Straining his neck behind him, Jon scanned the room one more time to make absolutely sure it was just the three of them. Again he saw no trace of Discord, all but confirming that what he saw before was a figment of his imagination.

“So... it’s just you two, huh?” Jon asked, still slightly paranoid.

“Well... yes,” Fluttershy said. “When I found you the first thing I did was get Zecora since she’s nearby and knows a thing of two about medicine.

“What Fluttershy says is true, since my arrival it’s just been us two,” Zecora revealed. “When a friend is hurt and in need of care, you can count on us to be there. Fluttershy and I will stay here until you’re restored...”

“AHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEM!” The sound of someone clearing their throat pierced the air from underneath Jon.

“Oh. I almost forgot about Discord,” Zecora added, pointing her hoof to Jon’s side.

“W-wait what?!” Jon stammered before quickly turning his attention to something poking at his leg from below. And what he saw was beyond words.

He realized that the almost psychiatrist-style couch he had been lying on was actually Discord himself, his stomach acting at the center frame of support and his head stretched out against Jon’s back for lumbar support.

In an almost straightforward sense of logic his own appendages acted as the couch’s legs and his tail was being used as a body length pillow. Using such a devious creature as his own personal cushion as well as seeing his dopey body stretched out in such an awkward way did very little to make Jon less terrified.

When his arm extended again for a friendly wave he might as well have been waving a gun around.

“Hello Jon!” Discord joyously announced, still in couch form. “Feeling better?”

Ignoring every rational reason to not move so suddenly after such an injury, Jon ejected himself from his seat so quickly he almost knocked over Zecora and Fluttershy like a couple of bowling pins.

Grabbing the first weapon he could find, in this case a standing lamp almost as tall as he was, Jon took a battle stance which, combined with his trembling, made him look as nonthreatening as possible for someone in his position.

“Y-you’re real?!” Jon roared in disbelief. “You’re actually real?!”

“Why of course I am!” Discord answered as he slowly peeled himself off from the furniture Jon had previously occupied, revealing that rather than being the sofa himself Discord had spread himself across its surface like a blanket. “You more than anyone else should know that by now.”

Tightening his grip on his weapon, Jon looked like he was about to wind up for a devastating swing when a yellow blur caught his attention in the form of Fluttershy flying directly in between them with her hooves spread out. Usually she wouldn’t have been so quick to action but when it came to someone like Discord she felt like some direct intervention was needed.

“Wait!” she exclaimed, surprising Jon who assumed her to be more the quiet type. “Please don’t hurt him!”

As he stood there, poised to attack, Jon couldn't help but feel like the scripts had been switched around.

“W-w-wait... you’re telling me not to hurt him?!” Jon exclaimed. “Fluttershy... don’t you know who that is?! That’s--”

“Discord,” said Fluttershy. “Yes, I know who he is. God of Chaos, Master of Deception... and a friend.”

Jon couldn't believe his ears.

“Friend?” he questioned.

“Ahem,” Discord interjected from behind as he pedicured his nails on the back of a turtle. “Fluttershy dear, you forgot Lord of Disharmony.”

“You... you’ve got to be kidding me,” Jon continued.

None of this was making sense to Jon and his instinct was to grab Fluttershy and hold her back in protection while forcibly seeing if he could drive this demon home. Before he could even speak a word of warning to this obvious monster he felt something yanking on his pants leg.

It was Zecora, who looked as calm and collected about the situation as Discord himself.

“Jon, I think it would be best for you realize that we do not jest,” she began as she slowly went to take away his weapon. “I realize this may seem strange, for us to be friends with one so deranged.”

Pausing to allow her words to sink in, Jon looked back over at Discord who was now idly walking with Fluttershy, no doubt being lectured about what was expected of him. It would all seem very normal were it not for Discord literally zipping his mouth closed at her request.

“There is no cause for further fear, listen to us and everything will become clear,” Zecora continued as she carefully led Jon back to the sofa. “You're still hurt and in much pain, so please sit here and we will explain.”

And so she did.

For the next several minutes Fluttershy and Zecora took turns explaining to Jon why Discord, the personification of pure evil, was hanging out in her living room. Together they tag-teamed stories about Discord’s release, who gave the order, and how they (mostly Fluttershy and her mane six friends) went about reforming him.

At first it was hard to believe but when it came right down to it the idea of Discord having a heel turn seemed about as far-fetched an idea as Jon conversing with a talking horse.

Like a convict getting drilled by a pair of cops, Jon stayed silent and listened, listened to what Fluttershy had to say which was nothing but continued assurances that no one here was in any danger. And again, like a convict, Jon buckled under.

“Sooo... he’s a good guy now?” Jon asked to no one in particular since he always had a watchful eye on the multi-comprised beast now hovering in midair.

“Oh, of course he is... I know he may seem a little rough around the edges but trust me when I say he’s a real sweetheart once you get to know him,” Fluttershy assured Jon as he looked back over to Discord who sported of look of innocence which included pouting lips, large watery eyes, and a literal halo over his head. “He stays with me every so often to help me take care of the animals because that’s what friends do for each other.”

“He may seem quite mischievous at first glance,” Zecora began as Discord took that very same halo and dunked it into a cup of coffee before taking a bite out of it, “but he’s behaved quite well since he’s been given a second chance.”

Rubbing the sore spot on his head, Jon just stared at Discord while leaning over to whisper at Fluttershy.

“And you just believe that he’s reformed?” Jon whispered. “I mean isn’t this guy the same monster who tried to break you and your friends up or something?”

“Hey! Who you calling a monster?!” Discord said, revealing that the Fluttershy he was whispering to was actually Discord wearing an elaborate Fluttershy costume. With a snap of his fingers he teleported in front of Jon wearing a United States Nurse’s Uniform circa 1937. “Why I’ll have you know that while you were unconscious I helped tend to your wounds!”

Turning now to face the real Fluttershy, Jon didn’t say anything but instead gave her an “Is this true?” look on his face which made the yellow pegasus smile and nod. To further back up his claims, Zecora approached Jon to show off the different medicines she had brought from her home.

“When I arrived Discord insisted that he stay in case I needed to be assisted. He used his powers to scan your mind, to see what afflictions we could find,” she explained while Discord demonstrated this feat by putting on a pair of x-ray glasses. “After that it was easy to choose which of my medicines to use.”

Standing up to get his bearings, Jon silently contemplated just how bad his collision was. He felt better now so with a new found surge of bravado he slowly approached the deity standing before him. Very rare was it for Jon to find someone from Equestria taller than him.

“Are they telling the truth?” Jon asked him. “Are you really reformed?”

“Scout’s honor!” Discord quickly answered and with a snap of his fingers he was donned in a literal scout’s uniform. He held his lion’s paw in a traditional scoutmaster salute while his eagle’s claw was held behind his back with crossed talons. “And now that I am you and I can officially meet in person and become the bestest of pals!”

“Somehow, I don’t feel richer for the experience,” Jon commented while rubbing his still throbbing forehead.

“Oh right... that.” Discord coughed. “From the depths of my heart I do feel ever so sorry for causing you to hurt yourself! I did not mean for that to happen.”

“Then why did you trick me into coming here in the first place?” Jon asked, which caused Discord to nervously cough to himself, making his uniform disperse into dust.

“Trick?” Fluttershy asked, now behind Jon and closing in on her friend. “Discord, what’s he talking about? I thought you said you found something that belonged to Jon and you wanted to give it back.”

“O-oh well yes, I most certainly did!” Discord sputtered in a nervous tone as he fiddled with his fingers. “In fact! I have it right here! See, just like I said.”

Reaching behind Jon’s ear like a magician he produced Jon’s phone and placed it deep in his pocket while adjusting his suit and dusting it off all the while locking eyes with Fluttershy and putting on his most innocent smile.

“See?” Discord added. “No harm done!”

Jon wasn’t about to let him off the hook so easily.

“He tricked me into believing that Celestia had my phone,” Jon corrected. Reaching into his pocket Jon took out his family phone and turned it on to show Fluttershy the picture of Celestia holding the device. “He sent me this and pretended to be her... how did you even take this picture?”

“Oh that? Easy,” Discord said as he reached to his side and pulled out a life size cardboard cutout of Celestia. “I used this... he he, never leave home without it.” Jon wasn’t the only one not assumed by his antics.

“Discord! Is this true?!” Fluttershy asked in a stern voice as she flew to get a higher vantage point. “Did you really trick Mr. Stewart?!”

“Weeeeeelll to be perfectly honest... I may have played a teeny tiny prank on him for a laugh, but I swear it was all in good fun!” he tried to get her to see. “Afterall... if he knew I was the one who found his phone he would have been too scared to come get it.”

His explanation seemed to have worked on Fluttershy who saw the logic of his actions and was about to deem them acceptable. Jon was determined to make him own up to his misdeeds.

“Also, I didn’t lose my phone,” Jon added, getting everyone in the room to look back on him. “It was stolen... by him. I remember it now... I remember everything. He was in my head.”

This time Fluttershy didn’t have to ask if this was true or not.

“Discord!” she began. “What did you do?!”

Using his magic to shrink himself so as to be less noticeable he tried to float away but was met with Fluttershy flying in his path, demanding an explanation.

“Alright, alright um... there is a slight change that I maaaaay have... used my magic to enter Jon’s dreams while he was asleep to access his thought waves so I could use his mind to play tricks on him while he was on vacation at Canterlot Castle,” Discord explained rapidly like he was trying to get this over with. “... Again... it was just a prank.”

Jon couldn't see from his angle but Fluttershy was most disappointed.

“No! Bad Discord!” she scolded in a stern though soft voice. “That was not very nice of you at all! Now you apologize to Mr. Stewart this instant!”

Regaining normal size, though still at a lower enough angle that Fluttershy was hovering over him, Discord shuffled his way over to Jon, dragging his feet and mumbling the entire time. Jon wanted to laugh at how much this reminded him of his own kids but he didn’t want to rub salt into the wounds.

“I’m... sorry,” Discord mumbled.

“I can’t hear you!” Fluttershy said.

“I SAID... I’m sorry,” he repeated himself.

Before he could extend the olive branch any further Fluttershy dive bombed her way in between the two of them to grab Jon’s hands and a show of remorse on her side as well.

“Oh dear, I had no idea you had been through so much with Discord! I am so, so, so, sorry!” Fluttershy said while squeezing Jon’s hands. “Please... if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you... please let me know.”

A part of him wanted to just shrug this entire experience off and get back to his regular life, but as a man in the entertainment industry whenever someone offered a favor he was hard pressed not to use it.

Before he could think about the possibilities, he was distracted by the bright light coming off of the neon sign Discord had produced out of thin air which read “Ask her to be on your show” in blazing letters ending in an arrow pointing to Fluttershy.

Jon wasn’t in the mood to be taking advice about who he should have on his show from outsiders but he had to admit this was too good a chance to pass up. Last he checked Fluttershy had declined to appear on The Daily Show almost thirty times.

“Sooo… anything?” Jon asked.

“Yes, of course!” Fluttershy asserted. “Anything at all… you just let me know.”

Tilting his head, he was met with Discord and Zecora motioning for him to ask already.

“Alright then,” he began, “come on my show… and we’re even.”

For the first time since meeting her, Jon saw an expression on Fluttershy’s face that wasn’t concern, or determination, but pure, unfiltered fear. Obviously Jon had no means of comparison but the look on her face was more reflective of terror than his own expression after seeing Discord at her front door.

As if someone stole her breath, Fluttershy gagged and tried to breathe but found it difficult. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears of fear and she began to lose consciousness.

“Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-you w-w-w-w-w-want m-m-m-me to b-b-b-be on... o-o-on your... show?!” Fluttershy stuttered. “In front of… all those… humans… and… ponies… and… and… and… eep.”

Letting out a sound similar to that of a baby bird, Fluttershy’s body did a quick spasm whereupon she fell over like a puppet that had its strings cut. Jon was no doctor but he knew what this was.

She had fainted.

With little effort he scooped her up with one arm and carried her over to the couch that he had previously occupied. Gently he laid her across it and turned to face Zecora and Discord.

“I trust you two will take care of her while I get things ready for tomorrow?” Jon asked, getting nods in response. “Great... I’m going home.”

Episode 21 [Fluttershy]: Please welcome to the show Fluttershy

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Fluttershy
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

When Jon returned to his beloved city he wasted no time heading over to his studio to get things going on his next scheduled show. And even though it wasn’t for another few days it was going to feature an Equestrian citizen so he wanted things to be just right.

First and foremost was the issue of the stage. To keep with the tradition of having a member of the mane six appear on their program, Jon commissioned for his stage to be altered to fit with the theme of whoever it was that he was to interview. In this case, Jon was to go one on one with Fluttershy who he had the impression of being a kind spirit whose soft-spoken and bashful nature was matched only by her love of animals.

Jon’s team didn’t have much to go on other than his vague descriptions so as a reference point he jokingly told them to set up the stage as if the late Steve Irwin was coming on the program. This proved to be the best comparison he could think of and it worked too. He had Selina do most of the overseeing of the project and only got to see it in its completion.

Once again, they had done a pretty good job.

His once simplistic stage was now a safari themed alcove. His desk was more or less the same, save a new color scheme which matched the overall tone of the expertly crafted area.

Instead of a backdrop of the world map in a royal flush of blue it now depicted an untouched meadow that transitioned into a forest which itself eventually lead to a valley-like gorge.

Meanwhile, back on stage, bird cages hung from the ceiling, dog beds were on the ground, and other similar amenities were strewn about to give the impression that at any moment the stage would turn into a pet shop. The last show of detail that Jon had direct input on were two cardboard cutout trees on either side of the stage at the mouth of the backstage entrance and another a few inches behind him.

Everything was perfect but little did the staff and crew realize that the construction of this intricate stage layout was but the easiest part of dealing with the upcoming guest. Before Fluttershy touched down in the studio Jon made sure to gather up every employee he had whereupon he imparted onto them the most important instruction of all.

“Try not to seem... scary.”

At first the many writers, interns, and assistants of Daily Show Headquarters didn’t quite understand what Jon meant by this. It was only when the guest arrived a few hours before the scheduled airing did they fully understand.

Like a cat that squeezed itself under someone’s porch, Fluttershy refused to leave the safety of her dressing room the entire time and conversed with no one other than Selina who stayed with her; though their back and forths were limited to the initial greeting and Fluttershy’s constant “no thank you” whenever Selina offered her something.

Once or twice the wayward pegasus did feel courageous enough to peek outside her dressing room. Every time she did she was met with the gaze from a nearby worker who either had been passing by or was waiting to see if she needed something, and every time resulted the same way; the human staff worker would acknowledge her with a smile and wave which caused her to let out a low shriek and flee back to the safety of her room.

“Yeesh,” Selina thought when Fluttershy curled up in the corner in fear. “What’s she going to be like on stage?”

Fortunately, Jon had preempted this possible fiasco by instructing the light technicians to try some good ‘ol Hollywood magic to help her along. With some minor tweaking of the stage lights, which made them more akin to what one would expect to see in a performance theatre, it was now so bright that whoever was on stage could no longer see those in the audience.

It was an old trick which usually caused those on stage to sweat more from the increased heat but now it was as if Jon and his guest were the only ones in the room. Sure they could still hear the audience but at the same time they couldn't see them which Jon was certain would help his winged friend along.

And help her it did, for by the time the third segment of the show had arrived the timid Fluttershy was now (almost) ready for the big debut. Though, the deafening sound of cheering coming from the audience did give her last minute anxiety as the camera zoomed in on Jon at the helm of the show.

The crowd continued their praising till Jon, who was pretending to write in his notes, finally addressed his loving audience with a level of enthusiasm almost equal to theirs.

“Hey, welcome back to the Daily Show my, uh guest tonight!” Jon yelled as he quickly gathered up any loose papers and shuffled them back into place. “She is a Ponyville caretaker of animals, an expert in the field of zoology, and a member of the Elements of Harmony.”

“I’m sure that was not taken out of context in any way,” Jon said as the crowd laughed only to quickly silence themselves. “Please welcome to the show... Fluttershy!”

What followed was a source of great confusion for those watching who didn’t know who Fluttershy was. But for those who had even the vaguest idea of who the guest was they could only laugh at what soon transpired.

Rather than a torrent of cheering and applauding the crowd remained silent with only the faint sound of shushing and coughing to fill the void. Moreover, when the camera zoomed in on the side of the stage where the guest would emerge there was no activity or even a sign that someone would soon reveal themselves.

Between the dead silence and no one walking on stage to meet Jon some watching at home were lead to believe that something might have been wrong with their connection, or perhaps the Daily Show had frozen in time for whatever reason.

Before anyone could call their service provider someone did eventually make their way on stage, but it wasn’t who anyone was expecting. Rather than the pony of the hour a human female in a pantsuit and with tied up hair made her way onto the stage. Again those watching from home were confused since this was supposed to be an Equestrian episode.

Soon things were made more clear when the young woman (who a select few recognized as Jon’s assistant Selina) was shown to be leading a pink and yellow pegasus into the opening by her hoof, like she was helping an old lady cross the street.

Even with the guest now in the open those in attendance still refused to cheer, or rather they were instructed before airing not to since the loud noise would spook her. An odd request but those in the audience were more than willing to comply. However, with the pony now revealing herself the silence was officially broken by way of Daily Show tradition of a theme song playing as she inched her way closer to Jon. Though it was so low in volume one could barely hear it over the sound of their footsteps.

The sight of this dapper looking human slowly escorting a cowering pony towards Jon’s desk had many confused and some uncomfortable. Jon was attuned to his audience well enough to be aware of this, but for the sake of his guest’s well-being he allowed this to proceed for as long as it needed to. That and he enjoyed the sight of Selina awkwardly walking towards his desk hunched over, almost falling over with each step. This was partially due to the height difference but mostly to Fluttershy walking off to the side of her in an attempt to hide herself.

Selina picked the wrong day to wear high heels.

Eventually, Fluttershy did make her way to her side of the desk, though Selina was the one who picked her up and placed her in the seat. Once the timid, pink-maned pony was finally in her expected seating position the crowd responded with a gentle applause the likes of which were usually only seen at golf tournaments.

Without a word, other than a deep sigh, Selina turned around and headed backstage where she belonged and felt at home. Once she was out of sight of the camera Jon scooched in on his seat and carefully leaned forward as slowly as possible to make sure there were no sudden movements to further scare his guest.

She was still visibly nervous but after a calming breath she appeared ready to proceed; as was Jon.

“Hello Fluttershy… and welcome to the show,” Jon said slowly though loud enough that all could hear him. “Thank you very much for being here today.”

“Oh, well um... thank you... for inviting me,” Fluttershy responded in a hushed tone. Another thing Jon made sure his staff did was tweak her microphone to be more sensitive so that those in attendance could better hear her (basically doing the opposite for when they had interviewed Luna).

“Now then, before... before we get started, I just want to say that I... I have a bone to pick with you young lady,” he continued.

“I’m sorry!” the guest of the evening blurted as she winced almost as if she was in pain.

“I didn’t even say what it was about yet,” he pointed out as he rhythmically tapped his pen against his desk.

“Oh, I know… but still… sorry,” she repeated while the audience ‘awwed’ at her innocence.

“Anyway… uh, getting… getting back to my point… I’ve invited you on my show... dozens of times and each time you turned me down. Only now have uh... have you decided... to be a part of my program,” he continued with Fluttershy looking guilty, “and that’s only ‘cause you owed me one so… so I gotta ask… w-why didn’t you want to be on The Daily Show for the longest time? I mean this... this can’t just be because you’re nervous… it seems like there's more to it than that.”

After sticking her neck out to take a nervous gulp, Fluttershy hanged her head low and slumped her shoulders like she was trying to roll herself up into a little ball of fuzz, but she couldn't hide from the camera since her chair was adjusted to be as high up as possible.

Even though she couldn't see the audience she turned to face them to make sure that the illusion of her being alone with Jon was being maintained. While she knew they were there, not being able to look at all those glaring eyes was enough to give her the confidence to answer.

“You alright Fluttershy?” Jon asked when a good ten seconds of silence had passed.

“Oh um… yes… I’m… I’m fine,” she answered after a deep breath. “But... to answer your question… the reason I didn’t want to be on your show is... is because I was scared.”

Based on the mannerisms of this feeble looking pegasus, no one was surprised by her answer.

“Hmm, I get this a lot.” Jon nodded in agreement. “I’ve been in the television business for a while now and stage fright was definitely something I’ve had to overcome. One of the biggest problems we’ve had to face when hiring new correspondents is whether or not they can handle being in front of people.”

Had Fluttershy been able to see the guests in attendance she would have noticed quite a number of them nod their heads in agreement.

“You... you were afraid to be in front of others, too?” Fluttershy asked, surprised that someone like Jon suffered from such a phobia.

“Yes, but to be honest it’s not that surprising when you think about it. Fear of public speaking is, from what I understand, the most common phobia out there,” he recalled. “It reminds me of uh... my friend Jerry Seinfeld, a comedian like me, has a joke about this where he said… he said… ‘the number one fear is talking in front of people and the second is fear of death… which means that at a funeral most would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.’”

The crowd laughed but Fluttershy, as would be the case with most of the interview, didn’t find the issue funny in any way and instead resorted to cowering in her seat. Her shivering was very much visible to Jon who was sitting but a few feet away, so he decided to help her along as he had done with so many others.

“Hey, don’t worry Fluttershy, you’re doing fine,” he assured her in a respectful tone. “I uh, I understand you’re nervous… about being on television, but let me just say that you... y-you are doing an exceptional job so far.”

To show they agreed, as well as their support, the audience again lightly applauded the scared little pony which seemed to work since she was starting to sit up straight to address Jon.

“Um... t-thank you for saying so... oh, and thank you audience for being so nice to me,” she said in their direction before turning back to face Jon. “I will admit… the thought of being on TV was… very frightening… but…”

“But?” Jon echoed in a curious tone after Fluttershy paused to collect her thoughts.

“But… that’s not why I didn’t want to be on your show,” she revealed much to everyone’s surprise.

“Wait… excuse me?” Jon said.

“Um… back when I said I was scared to be on your show… um well… the truth is…” she began before pausing to nervously look around in any direction but forward. “What made me not want to be here wasn’t… the idea of being in front of people… but something else entirely.”

Jon’s curiosity was overflowing.

“So you… okay now I’ve got to know,” Jon said with vested interest. “If it wasn’t stage fright… what made you so scared about being here?”

“Well… it was, um… you,” she answered.

“M-me?!” Jon blurted in a loud enough tone to make his guest squeak in surprise as she once again hunched over. “W-wait a second!... The reason you didn’t want to be on my show was because… you thought I was scary… me?!”

Those watching, and even Fluttershy, could tell that Jon’s loud voice wasn’t out of anger but instead came completely from surprise, though she still found herself flinching in response.

“Uuum… y-yes,” Fluttershy answered, looking guilty in the process. “... Sorry.”

Tilting himself back in his seat, Jon ran both hands through his hair and couldn’t help but let out a slight chuckle in the process. This was definitely a new experience for him; growing up he was never looked at, nor did he perceive himself, as an intimidating figure.

“I don’t… I seriously don’t understand how… okay just… okay Fluttershy,” Jon began. “Fluttershy… I just want to make something… very, very, very clear… you’re afraid of me?”

“Y… yes,” she answered.

“And that’s why you didn’t want to be on my show?” he continued.

“… Yes,” she repeated.

“Fluttershy, honey… where do you live?” Jon asked.

“Um… Equestria,” she answered.

“A place filled with… magic, giant trolls, evil creatures, dragons, monsters of all sizes really, and villains trying to take over the world,” Jon listed by placing his hand on the table and moving it closer and closer to his guest. “I mean for God’s sake your roommate is Discord… God of Chaos… meanwhile I’m a five foot seven 51-year-old man from New Jersey at barely over 150 pounds… and I’m the scary one?”

“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you!” she apologized, not realizing how thick Jon’s skin was. “But... i-i-if it makes you feel better... I don’t think you look scary at all.”

“Then why do I scare you?” Jon asked with a shrug as he tapped his fingers against his desk. “Is it ‘cause I’m Jewish?”

“Oh no, of course not!” Fluttershy blurted back as the crowd laughed. “It’s... well, because you… you see, I’ve felt this way ever since one of my friends got me to watch an episode of yours for the first time. Till then I... I didn’t really know who you were but when I saw you I... well, to be honest, and please don’t get mad, but… I thought you were a... a very, very bad person.”

The clumsy way she tiptoed around the issue was cute at first but once she finally got to the root of her fears a smile of disbelief was then smeared across Jon’s surprised face. He could hardly believe what he was hearing.

“Wait... you mean a bad guy?! You thought I was the bad guy?!” Jon erupted, having to place his clenched fist over his mouth to hide his smile and incoming laughter. His eruption combined with the continuous wave of laughter from the unseen audience caused Fluttershy to use her wings to cover her face. “Are you serious Fluttershy?! Are you... I mean... okay, AGAIN you live with Discord… DISCORD! The embodiment of evil and chaos who once tried to take over your world and throw the Elements of Harmony out of order is probably crashing in your living room right now and you think I’m the bad guy?!”

“I’m sorry!” Fluttershy squeaked.

Stroking his non-existent beard, Jon couldn't help but laugh at the idea. There was only one way to proceed from here and it was to be as direct as possible.

“Fluttershy you... you think... okay, I’m just going to ask... why?” Jon said. “Why do you think I’m, as you say, a very bad person?”

“As… as I was saying, the first time I saw your show it was just that… well… from what I gathered it seemed like, and do correct me if I’m wrong,” Fluttershy began, trying her best not be offensive, “but from what I could understand… isn’t your special talent… making fun of people?”

The smile of utter amusement on Jon’s face could only deepen at the incoming revelation of how she felt about him. He did not see this coming. Even though he knew his guest was a bit on the innocent side he had no idea she was this naive.

“I mean... I understand you’re a comedian... but every time I watch your show you just make mean jokes about other people,” Fluttershy explained as she nervously played with her hooves. “Sometimes you call them bad names... and other times you change your voice to sound like them... but you do it in hurtful way. And then there are times you send your friends to talk to them and they make other people look silly on TV... I’m sorry Jon but that’s just not very nice.”

“Um… okay, wait! Um… okay, I hear what you're saying… but we only do this in good fun!” Jon explained now in a forced nervous tone that was teetering on laughter. “At times it may seem like we’re picking on certain people or certain groups, but it’s how we like to deconstruct what’s happening in our world. It’s the essence of political satire.”

This did very little to reassure his guest. If anything, it caused her to look rather disappointed.

“Well now, I must admit I don’t know much about your world but I do know that what you just said is no excuse mister!” she said firmly though still in a low enough tone that Jon felt the need to lean in to hear her better. “I’ve only seen a few episodes of your show but you do this an awful lot. For example I… I seem to recall you pick on a poor little fox quite a lot.”

Everyone, including Jon, felt the need to laugh at her accusation.

“No, I make fun of the people who work at Fox,” Jon corrected. “And believe you me… the things they say… oh man are they a comedy goldmine.”

“That’s still no reason to say such hurtful things!” she maintained. “It’s like my mother always used to tell me when I was a little filly… if you don’t have anything nice to say…”

“Don’t say anything at all!” the audience said alongside the now more assertive Fluttershy.

“Really guys?” Jon asked as he turned to face the audience.

Always quick with a witty response was Jon Stewart, but in this case he turned to address those in attendance as an excuse to avoid Fluttershy’s gaze. Having one lecture him in such a way with a serious expression was something he was all too familiar with, unfortunately.

Much like in his childhood, Jon found it easy, and just as effective, to fall back on jesting his way through this back and forth. As much as he enjoyed this he found it somewhat difficult to penetrate the wall of logic that was being presented before him. If he had a nickel for every time he told that very same saying to his kids it would pale in comparison to the number of nickels he’d have for every time his mother had told him that.

Turning back to face his guest, Jon locked eyes with her, giving her a stern look.

“Oh!… Hey, come on now, w-why do I feel like I’m on trial here?!” Jon managed to say in a New York accent to try and deflect any seriousness on his part with a facetious attitude: a skill he mastered in middle school, but she was not having any of it. “Oh come on Fluttershy, don’t give me that look. Look, your friends have been on my show and they enjoyed themselves.”

“Yes… b-but seeing them on TV with you was incredibly nerve racking!” Fluttershy countered as she tilted her head forward like she was trying to hide her face behind her long mane. “I was terrified that you would make a joke at their expense… and hurt their feelings.”

“Rarity beat me at arm wrestling,” Jon responded in the bluntest tone he could muster. “I think they can handle themselves.”

“Oh, I know they can but still… I was so nervous for them,” she maintained with a worried look on her face, even though they weren’t the ones on TV at the moment. “They were all very excited to be on your program so I watched it for them… even though I don’t like TV and--”

“Wait, you don’t watch TV?” Jon interrupted. “Like… at all?”

“I’m sorry to say… n-no I don’t,” she answered. “I find it too scary.”

“Of course you do.” Jon chuckled. “Scary how?”

“Well, to be honest… back when I was a little filly… the first ever TV show I saw was horrible!” she said. “It was about a cute little mouse and kitty… but they spend the entire time trying to hurt each other! Sometimes the mouse would get the cat in trouble... and other times the cat would… w-w-would hit the poor little mouse with a weapon. Ever since I saw that I’ve tried to avoid watching TV again!”

It took Jon a second of thought to put two and two together.

“Tom and Jerry?!” he blurted. “You were traumatized as a kid by watching Tom and Jerry?!”

“I just… I just didn’t want to see cute little animals trying to hurt each other,” Fluttershy defended herself. Her logic was genuine enough that, had it come from anyone else, he would have assumed this was just a joke. But with Fluttershy he knew better. “I always wondered why they couldn't just be friends instead.”

“Okay I… wow.” Jon sighed as he slapped his forehead. “Okay um… okay, just continue with what you were saying… about watching your friends on TV.”

“Oh! R-right. Well, like I said… m-my friends were so excited to be on TV that I agreed to watch them… b-but… but every time the audience laughed at them I just... I almost couldn't take it,” she admitted. “And now that I’m on TV I certainly hope they’re not too worried about me now… oh dear, I certainly wouldn't want that.”

As much of a mother hen as she was, Jon found it admirable that she was so concerned for her friend’s well-being that even now their comfort was at the forefront of her mind.

“So… that’s why you didn’t want to be on my show all those other times,” Jon surmised as the wayward pony met his gaze. “Cause you were afraid I would make fun of you.”

Avoiding his gaze, she returned to nervously playing with her hooves across the table.

“I know it will sound… irrational…” she began after a quick sigh, “but I thought you would just spend the entire time telling hurtful jokes about me.”

“Oh Fluttershy honey no, no, no, no! That’s just not true at all! I would never do such a horrible thing to you,” Jon assured her as he visibly took his stack of blue note paper and not so stealthily swept it under his desk as the crowd chuckled. “I mean, it would be pretty dumb of me to make you look stupid on TV when you have a boyfriend as powerful as Discord.”

“Wha-- DISCORD’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND!” Fluttershy roared, her voice carrying further than usual since her mic had been modified.

Between her uncharacteristic outburst and her look of absolute incredulity, the crowd couldn't help but laugh at the situation unfolding before them. Fluttershy though was much too distracted by Jon’s accusations to realize she was being tested… Jon wanted to see how far he could go with this.

“Fine, your very-special-somepony or… whatever it is you people call it,” Jon corrected himself with Fluttershy still looking flustered. “What? I mean, don’t you guys like… live together?”

“I… w-well yes we do b-b-but only sometimes!” she elaborated. “He has his own home but sometimes he likes to visit and I let him stay because we’re really good friends.”

“Now when you say… ‘really good friends,’” Jon insinuated which made his guest sport a shade of red across her face.

“O-oh my no! I… I didn’t mean it like that!” she maintained as she nervously played with her hair. “I-I mean, yes, w-w-we’re friends but… I don’t… oh dear… it’s… it’s not like we’re dating or, or, or anything like that! I could never!”

“You do realize the more you deny it the more likely you are to hurt Discord’s feelings or make him feel unwanted,” Jon pointed out, unsure if someone like him was even capable of emotions.

“Goodness you’re right!” Fluttershy realized as she turned sheepishly to where she believed one of the cameras would be. “Um… Discord… if you’re watching… um… I’m sorry.”

Some in the audience found her constant need to keep her friends in consideration adorable and cooed in response while the majority just found her tender side to be funny when juxtaposed with Jon’s playful manner. He never had a younger sister but he theorized that this would be how he’d pick on her.

Before Fluttershy could even think about the implications of why the crowd was laughing, Jon decided to swoop in to set things straight.

“Okay, see Fluttershy, this is what I was talking about before… I’m not-- see, I’m not trying to make you feel bad I’m just… lightly teasing you ‘cause I like you,” Jon explained as tactfully as possible. “We’re just poking fun… kinda like… l-l-like a roast.”

“A roast?” Fluttershy wondered aloud. “What’s that?”

“You don’t know what a roast is?!” Jon exclaimed with a smile as his guest shook her head. “Oh, it’s a fantastic event for us comedians! Basically you… basically what happens is a person goes on stage and is surrounded by numerous friends and colleagues who come to pay their respects.”

“Oh… that sounds wonderful,” Fluttershy commented.

“Let me finish,” Jon interjected much to the delight of the audience who giggled at where this was going. “So the person being roasted has all their friends on stage… and each of them… take turns telling insulting jokes at each other… the goal is to make fun of them in the funniest way possible.”

Whatever smile that was once on Fluttershy’s face had disappeared and her expression had shifted into that of terror, like a wild beast had just exploded its way into the room.

“That… that sounds awful!” she blurted as the mere thought made her shake in her seat.

“No, no, no it’s fun!” Jon assured her. “Best part is after each person is done insulting the person being roasted that person then gets to go up and make fun of each of his or her friends one by one.”

This was no where near Fluttershy’s idea of fun. The idea of being on any stage, regardless of the context, was a frightening enough thought, but to add to the mix close friends telling jokes about her sounded worse than anything she could imagine.

“That… that’s even worse!” she objected. “I... I would never do such a horrible... terrible... nasty thing to one of my friends! And they would never do such a thing to me! T-that... THAT is NOT what friends do to each other!”

“Yeahhh… that’s sorta why it’s only a comedian thing,” Jon conceded as he rubbed the back of his head. “For us it’s a great way to pay our respects to one of our buddies while at the same time trying out some new material… it’s killing two birds with one stone.”

Whatever tension was left was promptly shattered by the sound of Fluttershy gasping so loudly Jon lightly jumped in his seat. When he looked over at his guest she looked like she was about to cry.

“Wha... why would anypony do such a thing?!” she demanded to know, now almost hyperventilating.

“Huh… I… you mean the roast?” Jon asked.

“No… what you said… about the poor birdies,” she explained. “That’s such a horrible thing to do!”

“Oh… O-OH! That… you mean… no, no, no that was just an expression,” Jon finally realized. “We don’t… that is, we comedians don’t go around killing birds… except maybe Andy Dick.”

The sincerity in Jon’s voice was enough to convince Fluttershy that he was being truthful, though she was still visibly upset. Jon aimed to distract her by getting back on topic.

“But uh... going, uh, to get back to our previous topic... that is how comedians roast each other,” Jon reminded. “We do this not out of spite for each other but quite the opposite. It’s basically the… the embodiment of the phrase ‘we’re not laughing at you, we’re laughing with you.’”

Much like how Jon was caught in a moral dilemma, it was now Fluttershy’s turn to rethink her position. He was right, that certainly was a common saying that she had heard growing up from those who underestimated how sensitive she could be.

“So you see I… we only make those kinds of jokes with you because we care. Much like how I’ve… been sorta teasing you here today because I like you,” Jon said matter of factly, which got him an odd look in return. “I know, uh… I know it seems odd but… well the… the, the, the best way I can describe it is with a bit that George Carlin once said… he said… uh, uh, he said something along the lines of… friends will say ‘hello’ when they meet… but best friends are comfortable enough that they’ll say ‘hey asshole, how the fuck are ya you stupid goddamned mother fucker?!’”

The crowd laughed as to be expected, but a rather unnerved Fluttershy could only hold her hooves to her face in shock at how incredibly vulgar Jon was being.

“This… George Carlin… sounds like a potty mouth,” she commented, again earning her a light chuckling from everyone in sight.

“Oh, you have no idea. But this is how we comedians express ourselves. It’s as the saying goes ‘Many a true word is spoken in jest,’” Jon said. “It’s like… okay, it’s like on my show. I may make fun of people but believe it or not some of them are my friends and others… while I seriously don’t agree with… pretty much anything they say, I do respect them. But in your case, it’s both… for example…”

Just as he was about to speak, Jon was forced to pause, not just for the sound of the audience chuckling, but for the sight of Fluttershy curling up in her chair like she was awaiting a punch.

“For uh… for example… if I was at your roast I would...” Jon began, again finding he had to pause, this time entirely his own fault as he let loose a slight giggle at the idea of Fluttershy sitting in the middle of a stage being teased, “I would probably say something like… ‘boy that Fluttershy sure is nice! Why just the other day she let me borrow her lawnmower. Granted she didn’t really let me exactly, nor did I ask, nor do I have any intention or returning it, but either way she’s far too timid to stop me. What a great friend.’”

Even though Jon, just off the top of his head, had a dozen more offensive jokes he could have made (Fluttershy to him was as nice as she was an easy target), he decided to go easy on her and try a mild insult gag. She still looked devastated.

“I’m… not sure how I feel about this,” Fluttershy managed to say. “You complimented me but in a… in such a nasty way.”

“Well see, if there’s one thing comedians are good at… uh, it’s damning with faint praise. Yeah, comedians and Jew-- Oh my God especially Jews are the masters… of the backhanded compliment! If you think I’m bad you uh, you should hear my mom during Thanksgiving,” Jon said before clearing his throat in order to put on his best old, Jewish woman voice. “‘Oh, let me tell you something, my son is such a good boy. He always finds time call me every single day since he’s not that famous so he’s got loads of free time on his hands.’”

The crowd laughed but the guest of the evening still wasn’t seeing where he was coming from.

“Ahhhh… trust me, this is how people in my world treat each other,” Jon insisted. “Harsh on the surface, but underneath there’s love.”

“Well… a-alright then,” Fluttershy finally conceded as she rubbed the side of her face, still struggling to understand Jon’s brand of logic. “But still… I find it peculiar the way you treat your friends.”

“I find it odd that my lifestyle makes no sense to you yet you’re friends with The God of Chaos,” Jon scoffed playfully. “Speaking of friends and things that are odd… tell us a bit about your roomie Discord.”

“Now Jon, it’s not very nice to call someone names,” Fluttershy lectured even though she was almost certain that he meant nothing by it.

“I’m just teasing, I love that… whatever the hell he is,” Jon continued before being cut off.

“Draconequus,” Fluttershy said.

“Bless you?” Jon responded.

“Oh, no I was just… um, in terms of classification, Discord is a draconequus… which is a close cousin, species wise, to the adorable chimera,” Fluttershy explained. “These types of animals are known for having body parts belonging to other, more established creatures combined into a single host.”

“You must be fun at parties,” Jon commented back as the crowd chuckled.

“Oh, um… I don’t really go to parties,” Fluttershy said in a low tone with her ears bent back and tail between her legs. “I never know what to do.” Her shyness made the laughing quickly transition to slight cooing at how adorable she was.

“A-anyway,” Jon said, clearing his throat as he rubbed the front of his head, “so, yeah… uh, tell me about him- Discord, I mean.”

“Well, what would you like to know about him?” she asked.

“More than anything… I want you… what I want to know is how exactly… does… does someone like him end up being your friend?” he asked as he inched himself forward in his seat. “Explain, uh… explain how someone like him, who tried numerous times to overthrow Celestia and had to be imprisoned, ends up being in your care.”

“Okay... it all started when Celestia paid us a visit in Ponyville,” Fluttershy began.

“‘Us’ being you and your other Elements of Harmony friends?” Jon assumed.

“Yes. One day Princess Celestia came and brought with her Discord who was… well… he was still imprisoned in stone from the last time we had to… let’s say, put him in time out,” Fluttershy continued, her explanation resulting in many stifled giggles from the host. “Princess Celestia then informed us that we were to release Discord and she wanted me personally to try and convince him to join us and to end his evil ways.”

“So basically you’re Jodie Foster and Celestia just plopped Hannibal Lector right in your lap. You know, I’m tempted to point out… uh, how incredibly… silly this all sounds,” Jon interjected, making sure to pick his words carefully. “But, considering how it actually worked, I suppose I don’t have a leg to stand on here.”

“You’re not the only one who thought the idea was… as you say, silly,” Fluttershy acknowledged. “Even my own friends didn’t think it would work and tried to get me to agree to turn him back into stone… but I knew Discord could see the error of his ways.”

“You… seem to put an alarming amount of trust into someone who… from… from, from what I heard almost took over your world… and uh, and caused you to hate all your friends in the process,” Jon reminded, which caused his guest to lower her ears and look distraught. “I mean… personally if I was… uh, if I was on Facebook and a little message popped up saying he wanted to be my friend… I-I’d click ignore.”

“Discord… may have done… some very cruel and… and mean things in the past but… h-he’s good now, I promise!” Fluttershy proclaimed, trying to sound as confident as possible with Jon looking doubtful. “I know he may seem very scary but… once you get to know him you’ll find that deep down inside he’s a big ol’ softy.”

“Wow… you know what’s the biggest problem with this interview?” Jon asked.

“Oh, um… n-no?” Fluttershy answered.

“It’s that you are… so incredibly nice… a-a-and thoughtful that by comparison I’m going to look like a complete jackass,” he revealed, which made the crowd chuckle, only to laugh even harder when Fluttershy commented.

“Oh, well... I’m sorry,” she said. “If you want… I can try to be less nice so you’ll look better.”

Slapping his hand across his face to hide his smile, Jon wanted so much to take her up on her offer, but instead decided to get back to the topic at hand.

“Okay, you… okay, since you seem to really admire Discord, tell me,” Jon began, pausing for a brief second to think of what to say next. “What is… what would you say is Discord’s best quality… as a friend?”

“Goodness, there’s just so much I... I wouldn't know where to start. Well... for one, every time he comes over for a visit he gives me fresh baked muffins,” Fluttershy disclosed, unaware of the fact that he often stole them. “And he’s always trying to help me around the house... like the time I ran out of medicine for my animals and he was willing to walk all the way into the Everfree Forest to get me some more from Zecora.”

Those in the audience couldn't help but make “aww” noises at how touching her story sounded. Even Jon was forced to nod at how helpful he sounded, though he would’ve had a different opinion had he known that the reason Fluttershy’s medicine was out was because Discord ate them all at once to see what would happen.

“But… I think… one of the best things about Discord is how good of a listener he is,” Fluttershy decided. “We stay up late talking about oh so many things, but if I’m ever having a bad day he’s always willing to listen.”

Some in attendance were jealous of such an attribute in a friend.

“Is that right?” Jon chimed in. “What kind of problems does someone like Fluttershy face that she needs to vent to The God of Chaos and Evil?”

Ignoring what could be interpreted as an insult, Fluttershy cleared her throat and began cherry picking what issues she was willing to divulge on national television.

Had she more time to think, she probably would have only picked those that weren’t so personal, but since time was limited she picked the ones that first popped into her head.

“Well… there was the time my cutie mark got switched,” Fluttershy recounted.

“I’m sorry… did you say… your, your cutie mark got switched?” Jon echoed. “With what?”

“Another cutie mark,” Fluttershy answered with Jon giving her a look mixed with doubt and confusion. “Some time ago, a spell was cast upon me and my friends which caused our cutie marks to get… well, switched around.”

Her explanation was interesting enough for Jon to try and figure this little story out on his own, rather than letting her finish.

“Did that-- when that happened… uh, did your special talent… uh, g-get switched as well?” Jon asked as he motioned to her flank.

“Not exactly. At the time, I was given Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark, and I was... um, momentarily under the idea that I was a party planner like her,” she explained, the very idea causing her to shudder in disdain. “It was horrible… I tried my very best to please other ponies but I just couldn’t do it. It was so frustrating that… I almost left Ponyville forever.”

“That does sound horrible,” he agreed. “What kind of monster would cast a spell like that on you and your friends?” Something about the way he phrased his question caused Fluttershy to sport a shade of red across her face.

“Well… um… actually… it was Twilight,” Fluttershy mumbled.

“Excuse me?” Jon asked.

“I said… it was Twilight,” she said in a slightly louder, though still subtle tone. “Twilight was the one who… accidently put that spell on us.”

Tapping his fingers in quick succession against the table, Jon pouted his lower lip in thought as the crowd laughed at this bout of awkward silence.

“May I ask… why she did such a thing?” Jon finally said.

“Oh, um… she was testing out this new spell on The Elements of Harmony and, well… it ended up with her friends getting her other friend’s cutie marks,” she explained with Jon looking like he was about to laugh. “B-but it was an accident! A-and in the end she was the one who made everything better so… so… um… yeah.”

Years of hosting this show told Jon that this subject was causing her stress.

“Okay, well, um… what uh, w-w-what else do you tell Discord?” Jon interjected with Fluttershy looking somewhat confused about this sudden change of topic. “I mean… like we uh… like we were talking about before… what sort of things do you vent about to your friend Discord?”

Fluttershy’s ears perked up as she remembered about the original question that brought them to this point.

“Oh right! Um… well let’s see…” Fluttershy began before pausing a bit as she flapped her wings in thought. “There was… there was the one time I talked to Discord about the time I got turned into a vampire.”

“WHAT?!” Jon exclaimed, his reverie shattered. Unlike the usual pegasus reaction of flying off in shock, his outburst made the timid Fluttershy dive under the desk.

“P-p-p-p-please don’t shout.” Fluttershy’s voice could be heard from under the desk via the microphone.

“Oh, I… yeah, I’m sorry,” he apologized as Fluttershy slowly made her way back to her seat. “I’m just… I… you… you’re a vampire?”

“N-no of course not! I mean… well… not anymore,” she clarified while nervously playing with her mane. “At the time, I couldn't help myself, and it took all my friends to turn me back to normal… b-b-but I’m fine now! When I was a vampire I didn’t have any self-control but... as I’m sure you can see, I’m all better.”

“That’s exactly what a vampire would want me to think!” Jon countered.

“B-but I’m not!” Fluttershy maintained.

“Prove it! Tell me what happened in detail while… actually, just a moment,” Jon said as something clicked in his head. Before continuing, Jon scooted back and bent forward to stick his head between his legs, vanishing under his desk. To his delight, what he was looking for was still there. “Okay! Now, tell me what happened!”

Before she could, however, the loud sound of Jon slamming a gold plated crucifix on the table caused her to go silent for a second. Looking back, he was glad he forgot to put away his box of props.

Pausing for a moment, Fluttershy stared at the religious trinket. She could vaguely recall seeing something similar during one of the few episodes of The Daily Show she had watched, though what it was she didn’t know. She could guess it was a joke at her expense.

“What happened was… well, it’s kind of a long story,” Fluttershy finally answered. “This happened… some time ago, when vampire bats invaded Applejack’s apple trees.”

“Did… did one of them… bite you?” Jon asked. “Please tell me that’s how it works in your world ‘cause I’ve always wanted super powers.”

“Oh no, you’ve got it all wrong. Those innocent little bats would never harm anypony. All they eat is the juice from the fruit which they were doing in Applejack’s farm because they just needed nutrients to survive the upcoming winter and to produce milk for their babies,” Fluttershy rambled, looking pleased about getting the opportunity to explain the maternal instincts of animals. Her smile somewhat faded as she continued her story, however. “At least… that’s what I tried to tell my friends, but Applejack still wanted them to leave, so, in the end, we compromised and made it so the bats would go find other fruits to eat instead of Applejack’s harvest.”

“I see… hold on a sec,” Jon commented before ducking back under his desk, this time pulling out a wooden stake. “Okay… continue.”

The crowd laughed at the idea, giving Fluttershy no time whatsoever to comment.

“Okay… so an invasive force found its way into Ponyville; no surprise there,” Jon said. “How does this add up to you being turned into a vampire yourself?”

“Um… l-like I said, we had to get the bats to want to eat other types of food in order to get them to leave Sweet Apple Acres. To do so, we used a spell to change their palate,” she continued. “This spell however… accidentally transferred all their desire to suck apples into me… which turned me into… well, you know.”

Never before had Jon wished to hear a story lead where he thought this was leading.

“Out of curiosity,” he said with clasped hands like he was praying, “who was it… that cast this no-eating-apples spell on them?”

“It was…” Fluttershy began before a look of realization spread across her face. “Oh… um.”

“It was Twilight again, wasn’t it?” Jon said with hope.

“... Yes,” Fluttershy admitted after a pause where she played with her hair. “B-but again… it was just an accident.”

“You know… I uh… okay, so let me get this straight…” Jon interrupted with a look on his face like he was enjoying this more than he should. “She-- Twilight-- switches yours and all her friend’s cutie marks around and also turns you into a rampaging vampire.”

“When you put it that way, it sounds quite awful,” Fluttershy commented only to have Jon shoot her a look which begged her to answer. “B-but… you are right… but she didn't mean to! Honest! It was just an--”

“Accident, yeah, I know,” Jon interrupted, now moving in to lean over his desk a little bit. “Ya know… I-- between these two stories of yours I gotta ask… are you sure she’s not the master of chaos and not your buddy Discord?”

Such a question would have earned him a sound scolding from Fluttershy had her attempt not been foiled by the crowd bursting into hysterical laughter. Against her better judgement, she allowed this to slip by, but nevertheless expressed her disapproval by crossing her forelegs and pouting her lips slightly.

The more he thought about it, the more Jon began to hypothesize that the reason Discord was so keen to listen to Fluttershy’s trials and tribulations was because (as The God of Chaos) he secretly got off on hearing how she suffered on an almost weekly basis. But since the subject had drifted back to Discord, Jon felt it acceptable to ask her a question that had been bugging him for quite some time.

“Hey Fluttershy, let me ask you something,” Jon began, not waiting for her to respond. “I get that Celestia wanted to reform Discord which is why she sent him to you and your friends… ya know, since you’re The Elements of Harmony, but what I don’t get is why she chose you specifically.”

“I certainly can’t speak on behalf of Princess Celestia,” she acknowledged while avoiding eye contact, “but from what I understood she wanted me to help Discord because… well, I’m The Element of Kindness and because I’ve been told by some that I have a way with animals.”

“You know… again, as stu-- as unorthodox as it sounds to try to get an animal trainer to rehabilitate an evil god, this makes a surprising amount of sense,” Jon reasoned with his hand across his chin in thought. “I mean, Discord basically is a collection of animals Frankensteined into one creature.”

“I’m not sure what a Frankenstein is but I’m almost certain you’re teasing him,” Fluttershy said with a look that told Jon she was on to him.

“No, no, no it’s fine, trust me. He and I are good friends ‘cause we’re both Jewish,” he maintained as he comically pulled on his collar to let some steam out. “So uh… uh, uh, hey tell me… officially, what do you do for a living? Are you a full-time zoologist or do you go to school or like… yeah, what’s your deal?”

Pausing a moment to gather her thoughts, the timid creature cleared her throat after taking a sip of her water for the first time.

“Currently… I mean… technically speaking, I don’t have a job nor have I attended school since I was a filly,” Fluttershy explained. “I mostly live to take care of the animals around Ponyville whenever I can. This usually entails helping them find food for the winter, helping them build their homes… or helping them when they’re sick or injured.”

“If that’s the case how-- what do you do for money?” Jon asked. “I mean come on, a zoologist in a world ruled by animals… you should be rolling in cash.”

“Um, well… for money I… uh, at times other ponies will pay me to help them with animals in other towns or locally,” she said, her excitement getting more noticeable. “I sometimes get… sometimes ponies from universities or captivities will request that I come with them to observe animal’s migratory patterns or mating cycles and give my advice on dietary and housing measures when they ask.”

“Okay, calm down gorillas in the mist,” Jon said with only a handful of audience members getting the joke. “So basically what I’m hearing is… when it comes to animals you're a general consultant, then?”

“Yes, I suppose you could say that, but that’s not all I do. Sometimes ponies will have me look after their pets for them while they’re away and other times a zoo will have me take care of rare or endangered creatures for them while they work on their enclosures,” she continued. “I’ve also been hired to… help with misbehaving animals who are causing trouble and don't know any better.”

“You mean like with the vampire bats at Applejack’s farm?” Jon assumed.

“Yes, exactly,” Fluttershy responded, nodding.

“Be honest with me, Discord wasn’t even your hardest case, was it?” Jon asked. “I’m guessing at some point you were called upon to deal with a really angry squirrel or something.”

“I’ll be the first to admit that, yes, Discord can be quite a hoofful, but… you’re right,” Fluttershy conceded. “I have had jobs that were much more stressful.”

“What have been some of your more… let’s say… difficult cases?” he asked. “I mean… you know, involving animals. Share with us some of your experiences.”

To show that this was a good idea, the crowd lightly cheered for a few seconds, leaving Fluttershy little room to argue.

“Very well then, let’s see… One example which… my friends like to bring up every now and again is the dragon,” Fluttershy recalled, which made everyone listening perk up with interest.

“The dragon?” Jon asked. “You… you don’t mean Spike, do you?”

“Oh goodness no! Spike is always so well behaved… well… except that one time. A-anyway, as I was saying… a while ago my friends and I received instructions to relocate a dragon that was sleeping atop a mountain,” Fluttershy said, quickly changing the subject just as Jon was about to interject. “Usually dragons migrate and live in the high ranges like volcanoes and such towards the east, but in this case a rather slothish dragon decided to take up residence in a mountain close to Ponyville. This wouldn't have been a problem were it not for the fact that while he was sleeping he was polluting the sky with his snoring which created a constant stream of black smoke.”

“So what ended up happening?” Jon asked. “Did you guys get rid of him?”

“I um… I wouldn’t quite use the term ‘get rid of,’” Fluttershy replied.

“Okay… so what did you guys do?” Jon ventured further. “I’m guessing throwing out a dragon isn’t as simple as putting an eviction notice on his door.”

“My friends and I… we set out to confront the dragon. We packed our supplies and traveled up the mountain where we would try various methods to convince him to leave,” she explained. “I tried to tell them about how delicate the situation was but… well… he was causing a bit of trouble so my friends were… let’s say anxious to… as you say ‘deal with him.’”

Something about her story seemed awfully familiar from the start and as she continued to elaborate Jon was starting to see a pattern emerge.

“So you… you and uh, your friends, some of whom know magic, joined together on an adventure up a mountain to take out a dragon… atop a mountain… who presumably didn’t want to leave and was causing trouble for everyone else,” Jon summarized as Fluttershy nodded in agreement with statement after statement. “Tell me, Fluttershy, was-- did this dragon also happen to be guarding a large amount of treasure… mostly consisting of gold and jewels?”

The look of surprise that found its way onto Fluttershy’s face caused stifled giggles from the audience who by now knew where Jon was going with this.

“Why… why yes he did!” Fluttershy answered in surprise. “How did you know about that?”

“Lucky guess,” Jon shrugged. “Tell me… were you also accompanied by a wizard? Did you find a golden ring? Were you forced to ride down a river in a barrel? Was the dragon proclaiming himself ‘King of the Mountain?’”

The way Jon’s questions elicited nothing but a slew of laughter from the audience told Fluttershy that whatever he was talking about was something she wasn’t supposed to know about. This was indeed the case as each reference flew over her head.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stewart but… I’m afraid I don’t understand… what you’re implying,” Fluttershy admitted.

“I’m sorry hun, I’m uh… well, you see, your uh… your story is very reminiscent of a story here in our world called ‘The Hobbit,’” he named dropped which caused a larger than average reaction from the crowd in the form of hooting and cheering. “W-what they said… uuum… anyway uh, uh, as I was saying… in this story a group of heroes is tasked with a similar mission to yours. A dragon has invaded a uh… the mountain of a kingdom and they have to… also deal with him.”

“Goodness,” Fluttershy commented regarding the similarities to her own past, “how did these heroes get the dragon to leave?”

The question hung in the air just long enough for the audience to chuckle while Jon leaned back in thought. Of course he knew the answer, but even after knowing Fluttershy for only a few hours he knew how she’d react if he were to tell her the truth.

The way her innocent eyes glittered in the light of the still overly lit stage told Jon that, like Tom Cruise in the movie “A Few Good Men,” there was no way she could handle the truth.

“Uuuum… weeell… in the story The Hobbit… Bilbo Baggins- that’s the main character- he uh… he and his friends climbed the mountain where they eventually found the dragon whose name was Smaug,” Jon answered truthfully before pausing to select his next words carefully. “And then… Bilbo and his friends calmly explained to Smaug about how his actions were causing others discomfort and so they politely asked him to leave… w-which he did and afterwards everyone lived happily ever after.”

“Awww, what a nice story.” Fluttershy beamed as she flapped her wings with joy; her obliviousness a perfect fuel for the audience to roll out a stream of laughter to which she was also oblivious. “And what a happy coincidence, because that’s exactly what happened with the dragon that we had to relocate.”

The laughter then stopped as the crowd, as well as Jon, could only stare in disbelief with mouths agape.

“Wait, what?” Jon asked as he leaned in and cocked his head so his good ear was facing his guest. “Run that by me one more time.”

“Oh, um… I was… I was just saying how, um… how the story you mentioned with that Hobbit fellow was just like mine,” Fluttershy explained. “After my friend’s failed attempts to remove the dragon, I carefully, though firmly, explained to him how his actions were causing others discomfort. We soon reached an understanding and afterwards he was more than willing to find a new home.”

Jon turned to give his audience a hand gesture that demonstrated he had nothing left to say while they laughed at how his joking had set the stage but Fluttershy had taken things to another level.

“You’ve got to be kidding! I was just joking by… I was just joking by trying to come up with the cheesiest scenario possible!” Jon admitted with a face of disbelief like at any moment Fluttershy would reveal that she was also joking. But no such revelation would happen. “And now you’re telling me that you… that’s actually how you dealt with your dragon problem?”

“Wait… you were only kidding? So sitting down and talking isn’t how Mr. Baggins and the dragon resolved their issues?” Fluttershy asked, taking away from Jon’s mini-rant that the story he had fed her was but a ruse. The look on Jon’s face, looking like he was just caught sticking his hand in the cookie jar, all but told Fluttershy that this was the case. “So then… how did he and his friends get Mr. Smaug to leave?”

“Well Fluttershy… I’ll tell you how he didn’t do it,” Jon began, once again finding himself in a position where he was debating whether or not to be honest. “He didn’t fire an arrow that killed him by hitting him right in his weak spot Death Star-style.” It was then that Jon discovered that as well as being kind his guest was also a bit gullible.

“Oh, well… that’s certainly a relief to hear.” Fluttershy sighed calmly with the false knowledge that no one in the story got hurt. However, there was still a part of Jon that believed she might wise up any second, so he decided to try and shift the conversation slightly but stay within the range of the topic.

“So… who-- what other cases have you had involving hard-to-deal-with animals?” he directed her, confident nothing would top her defeat over a dragon. “What’s your most recent case?” Jon strategically phrased the question so she wouldn't have to think too long about a story worthy enough to tell.

“Well, recently I was called upon by a pet shop over in Canterlot,” Fluttershy began, finding it easy to recall such a story with the parameters already set in place. “This store was having problems with shoplifters for the past couple of months.”

The way she told her story intrigued Jon enough that he momentarily forgot about how little time they had left. A case of shoplifting that involved animals? This he had to hear.

“That is, this store was victim to some ponies… taking items without paying, and the pet shop was losing money. To prevent this, they invested in some security scanners and soon the thefts stopped,” Fluttershy explained as best she could. “However, afterwards the shoplifting started again. For months whenever some ponies left the store the security scanner would let out a beeping noise, indicating that an item was stolen… but every time they checked the items they left with their receipt showed that they were paid for.”

These were the kinds of stories that Jon, and the audience as well, loved since they knew that all this set-up was leading to something big.

“After a while, the store owners assumed that the scanners were broken, so they spent quite a lot of bits to repair them… but they still went off on ponies who paid for their things. So then they spent money on buying newer models that were more expensive than the last ones... but they still went off,” she continued as those in attendance leaned in with curious faces. “So then they spent even more money repairing the new ones, but they still made the beeping noise on innocent ponies… that’s when they called me.”

“I don’t understand,” Jon said, “why would they need your help for something that’s obviously a maintenance issue?”

“Well you see… they um… they called me because they found out that the scanners weren’t broken after all. It turns out that the pet shop had a parrot sanctuary in the front of the store,” she revealed, “and… well… for a while whenever a pony walked out of the store one particularly naughty parrot would mimic the sound of the scanner’s alert noise… he had been doing this for months and no pony noticed.”

Usually this would be the part where Jon would ask a follow-up question like “How did they eventually figure it out?” or something else like “Where is the parrot now?” but after Fluttershy finished her story Jon couldn’t help but slowly clap as he turned in his seat and bellowed with laughter.

The audience joined him, as well as so many others watching from home. The story was so believable that anyone could picture it happening. After the laughter had somewhat subsided, Fluttershy, in rare form, decided to take charge by continuing her anecdote.

“A-anyway… they called me because they wanted me to try and recondition the little guy so he wouldn’t make any more noises except when spoken too,” Fluttershy added as Jon finished up a last second bout of laughter. “I was this close to getting him trained, but the shopkeeper felt that I was taking too long, so, in the end, he gave the parrot to me to take home. He didn’t want the poor thing in his shop anymore.”

“Hey, at… at least you got a free bird out of the deal!” Jon teased with a smile so large you could see the remnants of his last meal in his teeth. “So do uh… d-do you still have him? The parrot, I mean.”

“Oh yes indeed! He lives with me now at my home where he loves to play with some of my other feathered friends,” she answered as she tilted her head in somewhat of a hesitative state.

“However, I… that is… I never did finish his training to speak only when spoken too… so… whenever anypony leaves my cottage… he’ll still make that beeping noise.”

“You haven’t… like, you haven’t broken this habit of his yet?” Jon asked.

“No, not yet, I’ve tried but the thing is,” she answered before pausing, “this parrot... has a bit of a learning problem.”

“Oh, well, do tell,” he encouraged as he leaned in and jokingly placed both hands under his chin in a dreamy stance.

“I tried to get him to stop by punishing him every time he squawked when someone left or entered my home. What I would do was… well, what I did was very simple-- after I calmly asked him to stop, I came up with a regiment where every time he made that beeping noise when somepony left I would firmly, though not hard enough to hurt him, boop him on the beak, call him a bad bird, then place him in the timeout box,” she explained. “It didn’t stick at first. I ended up having to lightly tap his beak and place him in the box oh so many times. Eventually he did learn… though not in the way I would have liked.”

“What do you mean?” Jon asked. “If he learned not to make that annoying sound what’s the problem?”

“Well, see, that’s just the thing… he didn’t stop. He did learn, but he ended up… well, learning the entirely wrong thing,” she continued with Jon shooting her a confused look. “One day I had Twilight over for tea, and when she left… as you can guess, my parrot friend made the beeping noise, but when I turned around, ready to punish him… he did something… quite different than usual.”

“Okay, I’ll bite… what did he do?” Jon asked.

“The thing is… when I got close to him, he raised his wing… slapped himself on the beak… called himself a bad bird... then flew off to the time-out box without me having to take him there. He even went so far as closing the box’s lid on himself,” she answered as Jon slapped himself in the face, his smile still clear. “He didn’t learn not to make the noise, he just learned what to do afterwards… I’ve honestly never seen anything like it.”

The crowd laughed once more but this time Jon held back and instead reached over to grab his guest’s hoof for a shake while he pointed to where he knew one of the cameras was.

“Fluttershy, I would love it if you would stay a little while longer and tell us more stories about animals you’ve helped over the years,” Jon announced over the audience’s continued laughter. “Would you mind staying for another five minutes and we’ll throw the rest up on the web?”

“Oh well um… s-sure I suppose I could um… stay,” Fluttershy squeaked. “I mean… if you really want me to, that is.”

“Of course, it’ll be fun! Stick around, we’ll be back after a commercial,” Jon advised as he turned to face the camera. “Fluttershy everyone! We’ll be right back!”

The crowd stood on their feet in the only instance they were allowed to in order to cheer and applaud as loudly as they could. This made the guest of the night tense up from such a high barrage of volume, but since she had endured their snickering and applauding for the past however many minutes she’d been onstage she was slightly less affected.

To help her ease into the online segment, Jon leaned over and whispered something into her ear as the camera took its usual route. From there it flew backwards, over the audience, and up into the sky where it would soon meet The Daily Show logo gliding on screen and promptly vanishing, transitioning the show into darkness and then into another commercial break.

Episode 21 [Fluttershy]: Here it is your moment of zen

After the interview- including the subsequent online portion- came to a close, some audience members stuck around to see if they could have a word with Fluttershy off-camera. These were mostly veterans who knew that sometimes a guest would be willing to stay longer if only to please the fans.

Unfortunately for them, the second it was clear that the show was over the pink haired pegasus immediately rushed backstage like a dog being let back in after a cold day out. Jon followed close behind, turning to shrug to the leftover crowd who were already being escorted outside.

After turning a corner, leading him back to the main office area where most of his staff worked, he spotted Fluttershy standing just outside the dressing room on the other end of the opposite hallway.

“Nice job today,” Jon commented as he snuck up behind her as she was catching her breath, causing her to jump slightly in surprise.

“O-oh um… I… that is… thank you very much… f-f-for saying so,” she said sheepishly.

“Now I hope you remember what I said earlier,” Jon reminded, “about how if you didn’t enjoy your stay here…”

“Yes, you um… y-you said if I had any… complaints about how I was treated t-that I should send them to Brian Williams at NBC,” she recalled. “But don’t worry, because I won’t… I actually… I had fun today. T-that was my first time on television… I hope it wasn’t too obvious.”

“Not at all,” he fibbed as he opened the door to the dressing room to let her in. “You were great out there!”

“Indeed she was,” a voice said from behind the two. Both turned to see Jon’s assistant Selina standing at the entrance, pointing to her tablet. “Just got the numbers back from corporate. The ratings are through the roof.”

“Ya see? You’re a natural!” Jon complimented, leaning over to scratch her behind the ear.

“Awww, you’re just saying that,” Fluttershy cooed while avoiding their line of sight to hide her blushing face.

“It’s true! In fact, you were so good out there I think I’ll have you back on tomorrow for a follow-up interview!” Jon offered. Although it was clearly meant as a joke, the implications were enough to make Fluttershy’s face go ghost sheet white. “Wouldn’t that be just fun?”

Both humans looked over at the seemingly traumatized pony who was mumbling to herself. Jon leaned in to address her, stopping just short of waving his hand in front of her face.

“What was that, dear?” he asked which made her mumbling only slightly increase in volume. “Could you please repeat that for m--”

“I said no!” she shrieked loud enough to send Jon tumbling backwards on his butt while Selina dropped her tablet in shock.

Now back in the right mindset to see what she had done, the young pegasus- who had launched herself eight feet into the air- noted that, as well as Jon and Selina, most of The Daily Show staff were now outside the dressing room, looking in to investigate her sudden outburst.

This sudden attention made her slink back down to the ground where she met face-to-face with Jon who was still sitting on the floor, making him at direct eye-level with the standing Pegasus.

“I um… I mean… w-w-w-what I meant to say was… n-no thank you,” she answered in a tone so soft Jon could barely hear her despite being so close. “… I’m sorry.”

Jon, finding the humor in all this, began to chuckle which in turn made the meager pony do the same. Her reaction only spurred Jon further till eventually both parties were hysterically laughing at each others’ predicament.

The only one who wasn’t taking part in their merriment was Selina who was annoyed that Fluttershy’s sudden yelling made her drop her precious device. Jon noticed this as he got up by how she was dusting off the surface furiously, her knuckles white by how iron-tight her grip on it was.

He never did understand why she was so protective of it- especially considering the fact that she had a protective casing around it, a smudge-proof filament protecting the actual screen, and a multi-year warranty protecting it from internal damages.

“Oh my… uh, not to sound rude or anything, but did you want something from me Selina?” Jon asked as she sighed a breath of relief when she found that her tablet could still turn on.

“Yes,” she answered coldly as she reached to the side of her, just outside the doorway, and picked up a basket of fruits. “This came in for you. For both of you, actually.”

With one hand on her device and the other on this gift, she handed it over to Jon who noted how heavy it was, and extended it outwards to get a better look.

“Oh, well, isn’t that nice! Look at this Fluttershy!” Jon pointed as she hovered just over his shoulder. She could now see what he was referring to. Nestled between a pair of apples, attached to a metal clip holder, was a greeting card with both their names written across it. “Seems like we’ve already got some fan mail.”

Reaching forward, he plucked the card from the holder and, using his thumb, turned it over to read the message on the back.

“We get these all the time. Ahem… ‘Dear Jon and Fluttershy, congratulations on tonight’s show. You two were hilarious and I enjoyed every second of it. Yours truly, a huge fan!” Jon read, pausing before reading the post script. “‘P.S. Look out behind you’… wait, what?”

Confused, Jon shared a worried look with Fluttershy before they both turned to look over their shoulders. What awaited them was what they expected; just the other half of the dressing room with nothing out of the ordinary save a small mess at one of the makeup tables suggesting that someone had ducked in here for lunch but didn’t clean up after themselves.

Satisfied that nothing was wrong, least from what they could see, both returned to what was present in front of them.

“My, how… odd,” Fluttershy commented.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Jon responded, turning to see if there was more on the card that he had missed. “Eh, probably just some prank or--”

“Hello Jonathan,” someone said from out of sight.

Immediately Jon’s head jolted to the source of this new voice. It came from the letter which for the briefest of seconds made him believe it was one of those automated novelty cards with mini speakers in it.

However, what he saw was nothing of the sort. His heart leapt into his throat when he realized that he was no longer holding that once simple card, but instead the severed head of Discord, who had magically supplanted himself into his hand.

There was nothing to indicate that something like this had occurred; not a shift in weight, sound of magic, or any change in the texture of what he was holding, leading Jon to believe that this wasn’t real, but rather his mind playing tricks on him- that is, until Discord started talking again.

“It’s so good to see you!” he continued as he arched himself back to get a good view of the basket of fruit still cradled in Jon’s other arm. “I see you got my gift.”

“FUCK!” Jon roared as he dropped everything he was carrying while desperately trying to get away, only to trip over his own feet. Once again he was flat on his ass.

At first the contents of the basket spilled out onto the floor, but slowly, one by one, each fruit began to move as they rhythmically jolted upwards and bounced towards the center of the room, collectively stacking themselves atop each other before taking on the rough shape of a body.

That is, until after a brief shimmer of light fused each sentient food item together to reveal Discord’s headless body standing in a “ta-da” pose. This display continued onwards as it bent over to grab its head and spin it atop a talon like a basketball.

By this time, everyone in the office was watching from outside the room at exactly the right time to see him throw it up in the air before it landed on his neck stump, spinning into place like a light bulb in a socket and returning him to his normal appearance.

No one who witnessed this had anything to say, for they were all stunned silent with mixed reactions of being either impressed or disgusted- all except for Fluttershy who was unfazed, suggesting that she was used to such things.

“Discord!” she exclaimed as she flew into his outstretched arms.

“Fluttershy!” Discord said back, putting emphasis on the last syllable. “So glad I could make it here today! You were great out there!”

“Thanks!” she said, accepting his praise much easier than with Jon. “I was a little nervous, but… it helped knowing you were close by, watching over me.”

“Wait, what?!” Jon said, half back up to a standing position, though slightly off balance since he was using one arm to point at Discord. “H-h-he was here the entire time?!”

“But of course Jon!” Discord said as he snapped his fingers to teleport in front of his friend, now wearing a black suit, matching sunglasses, and an earpiece like he was secret service. “You don’t seriously think I would let Fluttershy travel to such a world without protection, do you? There are dangerous people here!”

“Yeah, and one of them is standing right in front of me,” Jon commented as Selina shooed away the nearby employees to get them back to work.

“Now Jonathan, that wasn’t a very nice thing to say!” Fluttershy scolded, now looming over him. “Say you're sorry.”

Part of why Jon disproved of Discord being here was because he liked conducting his show with full transparency to what is going on around him. Part of the reason he felt comfortable teasing Fluttershy on stage was, among other things, assumed knowledge that Discord couldn't will himself onto scene to protect her.

But, as he stood there locking eyes with a stern looking Fluttershy, who was waiting for an apology, the idea occurred to him that maybe it was the other way around. Her willingness to protect her friend seemed genuine enough. Jon didn’t want to push it if it could be helped.

“Well?” she reminded.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jon said, turning to a snickering Discord. “Sorry, Discord.”

Next on Fluttershy’s agenda was to get her chaotic friend to return the gesture and apologize back for scaring Jon the way he did- something which she had to remind him not to do more times than she could recall. Just as she was about to do so, Jon continued speaking, prompting her to remain silent, not wanting to interrupt.

“So when Fluttershy said you were close by,” he began, “exactly how close is… ‘close?’”

“Would you believe I was at the desk you two were sitting?” he proposed with Jon’s eyes widening and his mouth trying- and failing- to form words. “Just kidding… I was watching here the entire time through a live feed… or was I?!”

A slight wind wafted across Jon’s face as Fluttershy flew in front of Discord to place a hoof against his mouth.

“He was here the entire time,” Fluttershy assured him. “He wanted to come and support me and I said it was okay if he stayed on his best behavior. Isn’t that right, Discord?”

“Sure is!” he replied as he made a halo appear over his head, only to eat it like a donut the second Fluttershy turned her back on him.

“I certainly hope you don’t mind him being here,” Fluttershy said to Jon.

“Who, me? Nah, why would I care if the God of Chaos was here in New York?” Jon shrugged. “We handled King Kong; we can handle him.”

“King who?” Fluttershy asked.

“He’s a giant gorilla… things didn’t end well for him,” Jon said, his mentioning of an animal perking her up only to have her express worry by the end. Not feeling up for an explanation, he turned his attention to his new guest. “So, Discord… not to sound rude, but how are you even here?”

“Why it’s quite simple my homosapien friend!” Discord began as he reached into the air to bring down a chalkboard out of no where. On it were pre-doodled sketches, depicting a crudely drawn Draconequus and pony going from one bubble to another. “As you can see from this graph, Fluttershy was teleported here by Celestia and I followed close behind when I teleported myself to--”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know how teleportation works,” Jon said, without a hint of how odd a statement it was. “What I want to know is how you managed to bring yourself here… doesn’t Celestia have a protective field between our worlds? To make sure people like… you don’t get here without her permission.”

The implication that Discord was one of the bad guys, though not without its warrant, made Fluttershy take notice once more. She resented this accusation, but for Discord he was entirely used to it.

“Well yes, and believe me, it has done wonders for your world! After Chrysalis’ attack, others have tried to gain entry into your domain for better or for ill,” he explained with Jon just giving him a look. “But when it comes to yours truly, a barrier spell, such as the one that now separates our two worlds, is easy enough to bypass… you just need to know where its… weak point is.”

For emphasis, he snapped his fingers to make an expensive looking vase appear from the aether and lightly flicked it, causing it to shatter into hundreds of little pieces. Jon looked a bit nervous by the demonstration, though this didn’t concern Discord as much as the look he was getting from Fluttershy, obviously disappointed at how he was bragging about something like bypassing the Princess’ orders.

“B-but, in regards to right now, I assure you I got permission from ol’ Sun-butt before coming here!” he said more to Fluttershy than anyone else. “I gave her notice that I’d be here so she wouldn't freak out or anything.”

Fluttershy looked ready for another scolding, but like before she was caught off guard by Jon sliding between them to put an arm around Discord’s shoulders- much to his surprise.

“Buuuut, going back a bit… you could have gotten here without Celestia’s approval, or even without her knowing quite easily, right?” Jon asked. “I mean, your magic is that strong… right?”

Sensing that he was being lead on, Discord snapped his talons to teleport into mid-air, idly using a live beaver’s tail to sharpen his claws.

“Of course; I’m every bit as strong as she is,” Discord bragged, which only made Jon smile. “If you’ll recall, it took both Celestia and Luna, as well as The Elements of Harmony, to imprison me the first time around. What’s your point?”

“Well, first of all, let me ask you something,” Jon began, grabbing his tail to bring him back down to his level. “We’re friends, right?”

Never before had Discord been asked such a loaded question.

“And friends do favors for each other, right?” Jon continued with Discord only nodding back in agreement. “Because, if I recall, you said you’d ‘owe me one’ for having Fluttershy on my show.”

To Jon’s credit, Discord did actually say this- though he meant it more figuratively than as an actual obliging contract.

“Well, now I have. Which means there is only one thing left to discuss. Discord,” Jon said, pausing to lean in for a whisper, “you now owe me a favor.”

Celestia Interview (First draft)

Out of all the shows that had lasting runs on Comedy Central, Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show was an interesting case of what happens when creative control is, for the most part, given to the host rather than those who finance it.

It was shown early on that when Jon and his writers were given free range to talk about what they wanted, invite whoever they wanted, and hire whoever they wanted, the show reflected that creative control with quality content.

Of course, Jon would get suggestions from fans and higher-ups alike about how the program should move in terms of what issues to cover or what generally needed to be done, and in that respect Jon was always willing to play both aisles and hear them out. But, in the end, he had final say- in theory, at least.

Lately, however, Jon felt as if his input on who he should interview from Equestria was akin to throwing a dart at a wall and seeing whose name it landed on.

Between ponies literally barging their way into his house and him having to pick an Equestrian citizen at the last minute- sometimes at the behest of someone else or because he was in need of a guest slot- he was starting to feel like he didn’t have much control in terms of who appeared on his show.

As Jon sat in his office space mulling over the subject, he found himself questioning how much having the final say counted for. He was hard pressed to remember the last time he sat down and decided on a guest he wanted because he thought it was interesting and not because the universe had created a scenario that made him chose a guest through a reactionary impulse.

Iron Will got on the show because his kids unintentionally gave him the idea. Luna got on his show as a thank you for saving his life. Fancy Pants got on the show because he got drunk.

But dammit, today that all changes! Jon thought as he grabbed his list of pony names and began to look them over. Today was the day that Jon decided, of his own free will and sound mind, who he wanted to appear on his show. Him! And no one else.

And yet, as he glossed over the seemingly endless list of names (some of whom had notes scribbled nearby), he realized just how impossible a task this seemed. This was actually harder than he thought.

Indeed, the more he looked over the countless options that were laid before him, the more he struggled to come to a decision.

He even found a traitorous part of himself wishing the decision would again be made for him.

The last few Equestrian guests who had the honor of appearing on his show were some of the most interesting and widely viewed episodes to date.

It started when fans voted Lyra- and, by extension, her mate Bon Bon- to appear, making them the first dual pony interview to date. From there, the stakes only got higher when the next Equestrian Interview boasted an unprecedented three ponies in the form of the Cutie Mark Crusaders who had snuck their way into his world. By what Jon had heard, they were still grounded.

The next example was the black sheep of his roster of interviewees, and if there was any phrase to describe post-reformation Discord, God of Chaos, it would definitely be “black sheep.” His interview may not have been televised- it having occurred only within Jon’s mind after Discord skulked his way in for his own amusement- yet all the same it was certainly something he’d never forget.

And while only the two of them saw it happen, there was no doubt that his involvement lead to the interview of Fluttershy, which in itself ended up being quite the show stopper. She may not have had the confidence or on-screen presence as her colleagues, but she was a member of Mane Six which brought with it a certain degree of popularity. Which was only heightened once people saw what a kind and thoughtful figure she was.

Whenever Jon had someone who was a member of The Elements of Harmony on his show his ratings would escalate, and the epithetical Fluttershy was no exception.

And therein lied the problem.

Jon was scheduled for yet another long break and he didn’t want to leave his audience with a case of interview blue balls; he wanted the last show before his return to be as memorable as possible, and the only way to do so was to top the all-star roster of guests he had created the past couple of episodes. Again, harder than he thought.

Asking for help was an option he quickly discarded as he wanted to make this decision for himself. He was so desperate to put on a show good enough to go out on he even considered having a re-interview, but discarded that idea as well as a cheap cop-out.

All he wanted was a normal interview. Just him and one pony talking normally with no tricks or gimmicks with a screen presence that could outshine several interviews put together and was decent enough to end the show on before returning from his break.

The task was driving him to frustration. But then, out of nowhere, it hit him.

Bursting from his desk, Jon ran to the other side of his office where his jacket was hanging on a coat rack. He was so excited that his hand dove into the wrong pocket, but after a quick repositioning he retrieved his trusted phone and speed dialed the only person he knew who could make this happen.

Pacing back and forth, he waited and waited as the ringing went on for what seemed like an ungodly amount of time. Jon continued to wait where most others would have hung up, knowing the only person on the line would answer in due time. And that she did.

“Hello Jon,” Celestia finally answered. “Sorry it took so long, I had to excuse myself from a meeting.”

“Oh… I’m sorry if I’m keeping you,” Jon said out of sympathy, even though he knew how she’d react.

“Not to worry, I always have time for you... it wasn’t that important anyway, I assure you,” she said almost word for word for what Jon predicted she’d say. “Now then, how might I help you?”

As excited as he was, Jon didn’t want to jump right into his request. He prided himself on being the kind of boss he always wished he worked for when he was a young man, and as such he always tried to be more approachable and easy to talk to. He wasn’t the type to get down to business, but rather to lead into things with friendly banter.

Especially with friends like Celestia who he kept near and dear to his heart.

“Well, you can help me by telling me how ya been,” he said. “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you in ages. How’s the whole being princess thing treating you?”

After a slight chuckle, there was some shifting noise and the sound of her voice was much clearer, indicating his friend was moving to a new room to continue their conversation.

“I’ve been great actually, thank you very much for asking,” Celestia cheerfully stated. “Things have been quiet around the Kingdom, so much so that I’ve actually caught up on TV shows I’ve missed out on lately, including old episodes of The Daily Show.”

“Yeah, well, welcome to my world!” Jon replied. “My job is to make fun of people. I do nothing but watch other people’s shows.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed. You’ve been doing quite well as of late, if you don’t mind me saying,” she continued. “I particularly enjoyed your interview with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. It’s not every day I get to see YOU being the one interviewed.”

“Yeah, that was… interesting,” Jon said noncommittally. “But at least the fans liked it. Tracey saw it and it’s now her favorite episode.”

“Mine as well!” Celestia added. “I was as surprised as you when they asked you to switch.”

“Didn’t see that one coming,” Jon commented. “Honestly, really didn't see any of them coming, actually.”

“I am sorry about that,” Celestia said, picking up on Jon’s hint. “I promise you, from here on out nopony will slip by me again!”

“Eh, don’t worry, it wasn’t all bad. Least we got a great episode out of it, I suppose,” he assured her. “But again, don’t beat yourself up over this. I know those three and honestly they can be very tricky. Still… to sneak their way past someone like you!... Ya gotta give those little ankle biters props for that.”

In an effort to make light of Celestia’s error, and to convince her that there were no hard feelings, Jon gave his friend a hearty laugh. But, to his curiosity, Celestia did not join him. Instead, there was a silence on the phone all save for some light breathing from the royal pony which indicated that the line wasn’t dropped.

“Hello? Celestia?” Jon called out. “You still there?”

“Yes. Yes I am… and I’m afraid I must confess to something,” she began. “I haven’t been entirely truthful with you.”

This sudden seriousness was exactly what Jon was trying to avoid. He remained quiet as his friend took a deep breath and then continued.

“Applebloom and her friends didn’t sneak it. I actually allowed them into your world,” she admitted. “Knowing full well what their intentions were.”

“I… what?” Jon could only say, his tone of voice full of shock and confusion.

“I’m sorry! I know it was an underhanded thing for me to do, and I honestly didn’t think you’d actually let them on your program,” she said. “I was fully expecting you to send them home, but… well, you do have a way of surprising me.”

So many questions ran through Jon’s mind. He decided to ask the first one that had popped into his head.

“If… if that’s the case… if you sent them over on purpose, why didn’t they tell me this?” Jon asked.

“That would be because they didn’t know I was aware of their plan. When the package containing the three fillies was given to me it was quite obvious what they were doing,” Celestia revealed. “At the time, they were quite restless, moving and twitching around so I knew something was inside. It was only when they started talking to each other that I learned what was going on.”

With an audible slap, Jon threw his hand across his face.

“When I got the package, they were whispering to one another in a tone they thought was low enough that nopony would hear. They even revealed each other’s names during the process. At one point, young Scootaloo was complaining that Sweetie Belle’s hoof was in her face,” Celestia continued with Jon sliding his hand across his face and over his head. “Also, you didn’t see it because I cleaned the box up a touch, but they had sealed their package up with stickers. I thought the entire idea was too adorable to break up, so I played along. After you called me back I explained to their sisters what was happening and they agreed to it.”

With a deep breath, Jon once again slapped himself across the face for ever thinking that three little ponies had the tactical skills necessary to pull one over on a god. He honestly didn’t even for a moment conceive Celestia had done this on purpose.

Looking back, however, he should have known better… Celestia certainly thought he would.

“Again, I didn’t think you would actually go through with their plan. I was certain you’d see through my ruse,” she continued which Jon believed was her way of saying she thought he was smarter than this. “I apologize for any trouble they might have caused you while in your world. If there’s anything I could do to make it up to you please let me know.”

On that note, all self-motivation was thrown out the window. All the preparation and determination on his part to take control of his show by picking a guest not as a knee-jerk reaction but from genuine and decisive intentions were shattered.

And like the Grinch of Christmas Eve, Jon had an idea- an idea which made him smile from ear to ear as he reverted back to a childhood mentality of petty revenge against your friend for pulling a prank on you.

Jon’s target may not have changed, but his intentions certainly did.

“Well, since you offered, I would like to make a formal request,” he began in a more professional tone to mask his true desire. “As you know, my final show before my break is coming up… and I would like that show to be an installment of Equestrian Interviews.”

“My, how wonderful,” Celestia commented with such genuine enthusiasm Jon couldn't help but smile. “I’m guessing you already have somepony in mind.”

“That’s right!” Jon confirmed.

“Excellent! So… who's the lucky pony you want on your show?”

The silence that followed was purposefully made on Jon’s part for dramatic tension.

“You,” he answered, now ready to cash in a certain favor.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

When it came to who got to appear as a guest on The Daily Show, there was always an established hierarchy which, more often than not, directly correlated to how much screen time a person was allowed to have.

If you weren’t well known, or if what you were scheduled to talk about wasn’t particularly interesting (the common example of which being if they were promoting a new show but instead of the guest being the star they were the producer), you were only allocated the regular amount of time during the show’s third and final segment.

However, if you were famous, things were different.

When it came to guests who were celebrities or just well known individuals, they got to stay longer and, depending on how engaging they are with the host, their appearance might be made longer yet. For famous interviewees, there was a wide range of timeframes to fit that particular guest; a basic rule of thumb being the more famous you were the longer you got to stay. (One notable exception to this rule was when the guest had a political view that was polar to Jon’s, in which case they would argue as long as possible.)

If you were just somewhat famous you might get a longer than average third segment interview, with the first and second being scaled back a bit. If you were really famous you got to stay the extended third segment, as well as being offered the chance to stay after the show for the web portion. And if you were extremely famous you got two segments all to yourself, the second and the third.

But then there were those whose fame was so recognized by people worldwide that they were almost godlike in appearance. Such examples included movie celebrities the day after their big oscar win, or former and current U.S. presidents. These guests were so well known and important that they only got the normal eight minutes during the third segment.

One might wonder why such little time, and the reason was that said guest would often be so important that they couldn't stay for long. Chances are they had to get back to whatever important projects they had going, or in some cases had to make a plane flight to appear on another television show.

There were, of course, other circumstances and variables that affected how long someone stayed. Sometimes a guest no one knew about got to stay as long as a more recognized person because they had a certain topic that Jon felt worth discussing. Or perhaps a guest was some kind of refugee from another country, or a representative of a charity with a message that the world needed to hear.

In short, the decision of how deserving a person was of precious screen time was one that was carried out with absolute precision.

And when it came to Celestia, Jon wanted to spare no expense for his friend and business partner. When he asked Celestia to join him for an interview, she immediately agreed, which prompted Jon to excitedly share with her the plans for her arrival.

The studio’s stage was to be redone to look like her throne room, including the seat she was to sit in being a thrown rather than an ordinary swivel chair, and she’d get a personalized gift basket complete with only the finest cakes from around the world.

Instead of waiting in the spare changing room, Jon wanted to have her stay at the fanciest hotel in New York where she would be pampered before getting a limo ride to the studio and be greeted by adoring fans. And once she’d entered the building and made her way to the stage, the theme music to accompany her would be “God Save the Queen” performed live by the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.

Jon had so many ideas for this most special of episodes that as he was detailing the plan to Celestia he was simultaneously writing down new ideas that came to him along the way. Some such ideas included getting advertisement in Time Square and even the possibility of making this a longer pay per view event of some kind.

All these ideas were at once dismissed by Celestia, who explained that she didn’t want any special treatment just because she was a princess. All she wanted was a nice little one-on-one conversation with her friend, the same way other ponies from her kingdom before her had. No little, no less; she wanted to be treated like everyone else.

Much debate was had between the two over whether this was the best way to handle her debut, which continued until it was hinted by Celestia that she might reconsider showing up if Jon went overboard, at which point Jon conceded.

But, unlike, say, modern politicians, the two eventually compromised on a solution. Not only would Celestia’s interview span across two segments as well as an extended portion afterwards for the internet, the first segment would be slightly cut to allow her a longer interview. This extra time was allowed only if Jon forgoed all the bells and whistles he had previously suggested.

It didn’t feel right to Jon that someone as influential as Celestia didn’t get the recognition she deserved. All the same, he was content knowing that it made her happy… though that didn’t stop him from adding a few extra mini-snickers bars in the candy bowl by her dressing room mirror.

With the ever faithful Daily Show logo making its way onto the center of the screen, after stock footage of the busy New York streets played for a few seconds, the camera zoomed in on Jon sitting at his desk.

The sound of cheering was so intense this time around that the sound engineers on staff had to work extra hard to make sure that the volume wasn’t intense enough to cause any unwanted audio feedback or block out the sound of Jon speaking. To show how used to this he was, Jon decided not to address the camera right away, instead pretending to write down in his notes in order to allow the audience time to calm themselves.

Usually when it came to the third segment, Jon would jump right to introductions, sometimes having to yell over the cheering of the crowd, but in this case he was willing to give the audience a moment to silence themselves.

In this installment of Equestrian Interviews, he knew he had all the time in the world.

Eventually, the crowd’s cheering, though still continuing and loud, was at a level low enough that Jon could speak over them. And began he did-- despite his attempts to look as casual as possible, he couldn't hold back his excitement, or the ever growing smile painted across his face.

“Hey, welcome back to The Daily Show, our guest tonight!” Jon yelled as he threw a sheet of paper into the air and off camera. “You guys are in for a treat because we’ve got a very, very special guest tonight! She is the head princess at Canterlot Castle, the high ruler of Equestria, the most powerful being… and god of all ponies.”

Put video here

“Meanwhile, it takes me 15 minutes to get a single refill at the deli on 5th avenue,” Jon said as he shook his head while the crowd laughed at his apparent dismay. “Please welcome to the show… the ever wonderful Princess Celestia!”

Without hesitation, the crowd cheered with inestimable vigor as the camera did a quick transition to show Celestia gracefully making her way onto the stage. Jon was tempted to sneak in some overly dramatic music to accompany her walk, though refrained as he promised her that he’d keep things simple.

Although Celestia was not much taller than a normal sized human adult, most audiences marveled at her size. A majority of them had seen ponies from Equestria before, so they knew this creature was much larger than the average equine.

One of the annoyances that was faced early on when dealing with Equestrian citizens was the cameraman having to zoom in to get a good look at the guest only to zoom back out when they were side by side with the much larger Jon. With Celestia however, they thankfully found themselves able to keep the camera at a constant, steady level when Jon met her halfway on stage for an embrace.

The cheering from the crowd only grew to a level Jon thought to be impossible as he wrapped his arms around Celestia’s neck, whereupon she responded by arching her wings around him. Her wingspan was so massive that Jon almost disappeared from sight, though soon he became visible again and the two friends stood side by side on the stage, taking turns waving at a random guest, all the while each having an arm- or foreleg- around the other in a show of solidarity.

Jon remained in no hurry to get things started, but after the fourth stagehand began to wave to him to sit down, Jon finally obliged by ushering his guest over to her side of the table where she sat down.

Following close behind, Jon rounded his desk and sat in his chair, upon which he started clapping in quick applause to show that he, like his audience, was thrilled to have her. This caused the audience to again pick up in volume before dying down at the behest of Jon who finally began to speak.

“I think… I think I speak for everyone in-- not just here in New York… but for everyone all over the world when I say this,” Jon began before pausing for dramatic effect. “Princess Celestia, welcome to The Daily Show.”

Opening her mouth to speak, Celestia was cut off by the sound of more cheering, which quickly died down after it was clear that she wanted to reply. Though, she waited a few seconds before doing so.

“Thank you very much for having me here today, Jon,” Celestia said as she shifted her weight to get in close. “But, before we begin, I feel I must address something.”

“O-oh no, what’s the matter?” Jon asked in the most forced nervous voice ever conceived. “I-is everything alright!? Just tell-- just tell me what it is you want and I’ll do my absolute best... to accommodate?”

A few audience members chuckled, but it wasn’t until Celestia shook her head, trying not to laugh, that a more gradual wave a laughter ensued.

“Jon,” she sighed while pursing her lips to hold back a laugh of her own. “I know what you're doing.”

“Why princess,” Jon gasped. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Jon… no,” Celestia demanded. “You stop that.”

“Stop what?” Jon smirked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, your Royal Highness.”

“No!” she emphasized.

“W-what I do?!” Jon asked, smiling.

“I want you to stop what you’re doing,” she continued. “Please stop treating me as if I’m more important than anypony else just because I’m a princess.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Jon maintained as he reached under his desk to pull out what looked like a golden chalice encrusted with many jewels and swiftly switched Celestia’s bland ‘Daily Show’ mug with it. “I simply wish to praise thee.”

This in itself was not as funny as what followed. The camera then panned back a bit to reveal two very muscular men in very revealing Egyptian costumes storm their way on stage, each with a giant banana leaf. Without saying a word, they positioned themselves on either side of Celestia and began to fan her as Jon tore off the front of his suit to reveal he was wearing a tuxedo- but not before reaching under his desk again to pull out a silver platter decorated with chocolates and cakes.

“Can I offer you a confectionery delight?” Jon asked with Celestia covering her face with her front hooves both in embarrassment and to hide the fact that she was already laughing.

The crowd was split down the middle, with half the audience cheering as they had before and the other half shrieking and hollering at the sight of half naked men on stage. Jon had prepared this to every last detail, including the part where every time Celestia looked up from her hooves she found herself at eye level with each man’s crotch.

To help ease away from the distraction, and much to the dismay of most ladies in attendance, Celestia threw her wings out to cover up the fanning boys. Appearing disappointed but still fairly amused, Celestia just stared at Jon who was still offering her a decadent treat.

“Jon, you promised!” Celestia reminded as the host balanced between laughing, holding out the tray, and using his free hand to motion for the two gentlemen to go backstage.

“I’m… I’m sorry!” Jon apologized in-between bursts of laughter. “Okay… okay, okay, I’ll stop… but, just one thing… one thing.”

“... And that would be?” Celestia asked while trying to remain composed.

Taking a fork off the tray, Jon scooped up a bit of cake and slowly extended his arm towards her.

“Just take a bite,” he offered. “Just one bite.”

Her decision was already made for her in the form of the crowd cheering her to do so in a bout of classic Daily Show peer pressuring. Their voices escalated as Celestia used her magic to have the fork hover over to her face where she took one single bite. Satisfied, Jon sat back down and placed the tray of confectionaries back under his desk with Celestia having just swallowed her offered portions.

The crowd applauded her as she used her magic to send the fork back to Jon where he quickly disposed of his, before applauding the guest of the night himself. This was more or less exactly what she was trying to avoid.

“Alright Jon… if we could just withdraw with the jokes for just a moment I would like to... emphasize something with you,” Celestia announced with Jon chuckling at the idea. “I appreciate you trying to honor me the way you do but please... I would very much like if you did not treat me differently just because of my being a Princess.”

In response, Jon reached under his desk yet again to pull out an oversized statue complete with a tacky looking sculpture of Celestia’s head, which was obviously added to the top at the last minute.

“Are you saying you don’t want this trophy for best guest appearance ever?” Jon asked before quickly putting it back as the crowd chuckled.

“I’m serious, Jon!” Celestia stood firm. “I don’t want you going out of your way just for me-- even if I’m your friend. I would very much appreciate it if you were to treat me the same as any other pony who's been given the opportunity to appear on this program.”

Throwing his arms up in apparent defeat, Jon defensively backed away, only to readjust himself by scooting forward.

“So… you don’t want any special treatment?” Jon asked.

“Not at all,” Celestia affirmed.

“And you don’t want me to go easy on you?” he continued to ask.

“Absolutely not,” she answered.

“Okay then… so treat you just like anypony else?” Jon offered.

“Yes, please,” Celestia said, nodding.

“Alright then, in that case...” Jon added after clearing his throat. “Welcome to The Daily Show… Celestia.”

“It’s a pleasure, Jon,” she responded with a bow. “Thank you very much for having me.”

“No problem. And now that you’re here, let me say this…” Jon continued, “you… excuse me for saying so, but you look terrible today.”

His sudden burst of forced honesty made everyone, including Celestia, burst out laughing. Whether from being too nice or dangerously candor, Jon was determined to embarrass his friend as much as possible.

“I know, I’m just a complete mess, aren’t I?” Celestia said, playing along.

“Oh, definitely. Your wings aren’t primed, you haven’t manicured your horn, and your crown has smudges on it,” Jon continued to tease. “You’ve uh, uh, uh… y-you’ve just really let yourself go.”

Shaking his head disapprovingly, Jon noticed his guest reaching to take a drink from her chalice. Sensing his opportunity, he reached out, intercepting Celestia’s reach, and quickly went back under his desk to swap her gilded cup for the regular mug from before.

This again caused the audience to laugh, only to quickly silence themselves when Jon moved to speak again.

“But seriously… I have been… looking forward to this particular interview… f-f-for quite some time now,” Jon admitted as he motioned his hand across the table with every syllable. “Words… cannot express how uh… how happy I am that… you came here today.”

“I’m just happy you invited me,” Celestia said.

“See, this is the thing… you-- I wasn’t even sure you’d agree to come here today,” Jon revealed. “I was only half certain you’d even say yes.”

“Oh? Now why would I pass up an opportunity to spend time with a good friend?” Celestia pondered. “And on my favorite television program, no less.”

“Well… being the ruler of Equestria, I just assumed that-- I mean, uh… p-put it this way,” Jon began before leaning forward, pretending to whisper. “Don’t you have a kingdom to run?”
At this, the princess chuckled daintily, while placing her hoof across her lips as if to show the proper way for royalty to showcase amusement.

“This is true, but you forget Jon, I’ve been watching your show for quite some time,” she reminded. “And from what I’ve gathered, it’s not uncommon for high ranking officials and representatives from other nations to make an appearance. Now, if I recall correctly, the elected leader of this very nation has made an appearance; quite a few times, in fact.”

“Who, Obama? Yeeeeaaaah… but half of what he does can be done by a drone,” he countered, which had some audiences laughing while leaving others slightly groaning. “B-but anyways, that uh… I-I think that’s a… somewhat of an uneven comparison. I’m not about to just flat out say that the President’s job isn’t… uh, a big deal… but it’s nothing like what you do. I mean, for goodness sake… you’re… the leader of an entire world. You’re literally in charge of raising the sun. Uh, again, no disrespect to Mr. Obama, but I think you do more in a day than any U.S. president does in a year.”

From the start, Celestia wanted to avoid Jon gushing over her, she just didn’t think it’d happen this soon in the program.

“I thank you for your kind words, but nevertheless let me assure both you, and those watching from the comfort of their own homes, that Equestria is in good hooves at the moment,” Celestia said, nodding. “While I am absent for this occasion, I’ve temporarily relinquished my position to another pony.”

Some heard this and felt relief that the world she came from was safe without her immediate presence. Jon heard this and thought of a good joke at her expense.

“Okay, so while you’re away you’ve uh… delegated your position and responsibilities to another pony,” Jon surmised. “I… I see.” Looking at him with a raised eyebrow, Celestia couldn't help but pick up on his tone and how his voice trailed off as he avoided eye contact.

“Is there a problem?” she asked.

“Excuse me?” Jon replied in the same tone.

“It seems as though you wish to say something more,” she added.

“Oh, no, no, it’s nothing, really. It’s just, well… let’s just say I’m not surprised,” he answered. “That’s all.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” she pressed further. She knew he was setting something up, but decided to walk into it anyway.

“Weeeell… from what I heard, and granted this is just what I’ve heard,” Jon said with an awkward look on his face as he was trying his hardest to not give away his smile. ”You… um, you having others do your job for you is a fairly recurring thing that happens in Equestria.”

While the human audience did find this humorous enough to give a brief chuckle, the real laughter came from those watching in Equestria. They knew what Jon was talking about, but Celestia was still feigning ignorance.

“I’m afraid I still don’t understand,” she maintained. But she knew; and Jon knew that she did. To help her jog her memory, Jon quickly shuffled his papers to grab a specific sheet that he hadn’t doodled all over.

“Okay, well, here, I’ll… I’m going to go through a list for you and I want you to stop me when I say something that’s incorrect,” Jon proposed with Celestia nodding in agreement. “When Nightmare Moon returned it was Twilight and her friends who turned her back to Luna. When, uh, when Discord was freed it was Twilight and her friends who went and… they were the ones who imprisoned him again. When Queen Chrysalis tried to take over your… your Kingdom it was Twilight who helped Princess Cadance blast her back to her land. And um… when King Sombra attacked the Crystal Empire it was… Spike, with the help of Twilight, who ultimately defeated him. Finally, there was Tirek, who, after trying to take over the entirety of Equestria, was defeated by Twilight and her friends and sent back to Tartarus. Am I right so far?”

With a sigh, alongside some chuckling, Celestia nodded in agreement.

“So far yes, yes you are,” she said.

“Okay then, in that case, my question to you is, uh… what do you do?” he asked which was enough to get her to start properly laughing along with the audience. “Because, to me, it seems like you-- well, it seems as though you have other ponies do your work for you. I mean, hell, look at our guy Mayor Bill Deplaguio. When it was snowing here in New York our guy was outside shoveling his driveway! He certainly didn’t feel the need to call upon the armed forces to do it for him.”

“Well, Jon, defending Equestria from evil isn’t the only thing that’s expected of me,” she reminded. “My position as Princess entails many levels of incrociate political involvement and governing measures. I’m responsible for introducing short and long-term policies both in Canterlot and around Equestria which could significantly affect relationships with neighboring Kingdoms who are also--”

Before she could continue, Celestia was interrupted by Jon slinking his head like he had just passed out. He did this so his mouth would be right over the mic on his collar, allowing the sound of his snoring to be heard by everyone present.

The look on Celestia’s face as she tried to keep herself from joining the audience in laughter would have made Jon break character. But before too much time could pass he jolted upwards like he had heard a loud noise.

“Huh?! W-w-w-what is… oh, sorry, I… I dozed off for a second there,” he said, yawning as he stretched his arms before slamming them both on the table. “Come on Celestia! This is Equestria we’re talking about here! A world just… filled with magic and monsters! We want to hear the juicy stuff! They-- we want to hear about super powerful god-like creatures locked in Mortal Combat! And from what I’ve gathered… Twilight’s got you beat in that department.”

“To be fair, Jon, in some of your examples I’ve purposely inserted Twilight into the situation so as to test her. As a means for her to understand the true meaning of friendship,” she countered.

“That has got to be the most roundabout way anyone has ever recontextualized not wanting to do their job,” Jon commented. His interpretation of her decisions surprised Celestia to the point of near speechlessness. Were it anyone else, she would have felt insulted, but with Jon she knew he was just teasing her. She’d just underestimated how good at it he was; a classic mistake of many who came on his show.

“You know Jon… before Twilight I was quite adept in dealing with villainous opposition,” Celestia defended herself. “Remember, before their escape it was I who originally imprisoned Nightmare Moon, Discord, and Tirek.”

“Yeah, back in the day. But now you have Twilight and you have the option of just making her do it,” Jon countered. “Before I had kids, my wife always made me do the dishes… but now that they're old enough I just have Mags and Nate do it for me because I’m bigger than them.”

Laughter was now spreading over the audience faster than Celestia could respond.

“Did… did you just compare fighting demi-gods to household chores?!” Celestia said with a disbelieving smile across her face.

“L-let’s not get distracted by the minor details,” Jon suggested as he crossed his fingers under his chin in thought. “Okay, how ‘bout this! When was the last time Ponyville was in trouble, and, let’s be honest, that place gets attacked like… every other week… but yeah, when was the last time… Ponyville was in trouble and you directly intervened? Give me an example.”

Even though it was only for a brief few second, the fact that she had to give it some thought all but proved Jon’s point.

“There was one incident where Twilight had cast a spell causing almost every citizens to... let’s say, fall under something of an uncontrollable frenzy,” Celestia said, leaving out the finer details as they would have only given the host more fuel for teasing. “Once it was clear that my faithful student was overwhelmed, I came in to dispel the enchantment.”

“See what I mean? Twilight’s basically your kid!” Jon continued. “She made a mess of things, and you had to swoop in and bail her ass out.”

“While I do think of myself as another motherly figure to her I’m afraid the dynamic between us that you’ve painted is all wrong. I don’t pass my problems onto her so much as she’s very adept in defending her world, as is to be expected of someone who is a member of the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia explained. “When Luna returned that was a test to see if she could harness the true power of friendship. I had her defeat Discord because only the Elements were strong enough to imprison him again. I unfortunately failed to defeat Chrysalis myself and Sombra didn’t even occur in my Kingdom. And then with Tirek I didn’t fight him directly because I was fearful of the idea that if I had he would have stolen my magic. Which is why after sending Discord failed to stop him I gave my magic to Twilight for safe keeping. But had I--”

“Wait a second, let me get this straight... when it comes to Tirek instead of trying to deal with him yourself you just sent Discord to fix it, and when that didn’t work you gave your powers to Twilight and then later on she defeated him by using the Elements?” Jon surmised before pointing to his guest and gave her a wink. “Classic Celestia.”

Placing her hoof to the side of her head like she had a headache, Celestia sighed in frustration at Jon’s continuing onslaught of playful bantering. The smile was the only indicator that she was still having a good time and while she knew this was all in good jest Jon still felt the need to double down on the teasing.

“But obviously you know I’m just joking! You’re actually a wonderful and benefit leader and the... good colts and mares of Equestria are very lucky to have you as their protector!” he assured her with a gentle hand over her hoof. “So while you’re here you’ve... uh, you’ve made sure that someone else is... uh, properly running things for you with the same level of intellect and resolve. Which reminds me, who IS holding down the... the, the, the fort while you’re here?”

“That would my dearest sister Luna,” she answered. “For now, she is temporarily in charge of the kingdom.” Her answer was met with a worried look on Jon who began to look both ways nervously

“Luna?” Jon echoed. “That's who’s looking after your world?”

“Why, yes indeed,” Celestia answered proudly as Jon leaned back in his seat and studied his guest while rubbing his chin. The silence between them was a good sign that he had something planned.

“So... let me get this straight... the pony... who you once banished to the moon for trying to overthrow you and take over your kingdom... is the one you put in charge of your kingdom?” Jon asked. “You know thinking back... I’m glad you wanted me to do a lowkey interview today. Imagine if your segment was so big it got more views than Luna’s. You would outshine Luna... again.”

For some the issue of Luna’s banishment was a touchy subject that many who operate around the princesses tend to avoid. The two sisters however were comfortable with discussing and even using the events of that historical day as a lesson to others. Jon knew this and felt comfortable enough to, once again, poke fun at it, and in turn Celestia was comfortable enough to indulge him a bit.

“All I can say is... she’s better now,” Celestia said in a tone that for some reason made Jon lean back in laughter, holding one clenched hand over his mouth. “The pony who tried to overthrow me was Nightmare Moon... the pony who I have faithfully placed in charge while I’m away is my dearest sister, Luna. And from what I’ve been told she’s been doing a fantastic job so far of overseeing the Castle’s day to day assignments.”

“You know I-- speaking of which... how can she be in charge if she’s the uh, uh, uh goddess pony of the moon?“ Jon asked, pausing for a brief moment to collect his thoughts on the matter. “I mean she’s in charge of the moon, yes? And you're in charge of the sun so... so, so, is it like... perpetually night time over there or-- like what’s uh... what’s going on?”

“Ah, I understand what you're trying to say. Yes traditionally speaking she controls the moon while I control the sun. But on a purely technical level we both have magical capacity to do the other’s duties if need be.” Celestia explained. “In fact, as you know, for 1000 years Luna was exiled to the moon. When she was away I took it upon myself to perform the act of the controlling the moon’s cycle. It’s demonstrably possible for one princess to do both... it’s simply more strenuous.”

“So that’s why you wanted Twilight to purify your sister so badly,” Jon stated. “Because you wanted to lighten the workload.”

“Oh goodness, and here I thought no one would ever find out!” Celestia said while trying her hardest to not laugh too loud. Though even if she did it would’ve been drowned out by the audience.

“You know... you know I uh... I’ve... I-I’ve always wanted to ask you something about uh... about your powers,” Jon said, having to pause to give those watching from the stands the clue that he wanted to speak. “You can control the sun over in Equestria, right?”

“Indeed I can.” Celestia nodded.

“Well... could you control our sun?” Jon asked, pointing up to where he thought the sun would be stationed. What followed was a pout of silence where Celestia cocked her head to the side and staring upwards, occasionally looking to her left or right as if she was following a moving object.

The look on her face was that of uncertainty and deep thought.

“Well now, I must admit... I’ve never thought about that before,” she finally admitted. “I suppose I could probably... actually, could you give me a moment, Jon?”

“By all means,” Jon responded with a gesture of his hand. In response, Celestia’s horn glowed a banana shade of yellow as she pointed it in different directions above her. At this point, most viewers of The Daily Show had seen, in some form or another, what magic looked like coming from a pony. But even something as basic as pulsating magic from a horn still made struck them silent with awe and surprise.

Jon himself was greatly invested in what she was up to, but even with him leaning forward those watching from home didn’t notice since the camera was now zoomed in on the celestial guest. For a second, Celestia looked somewhat flustered, which was easily fixed by her intensifying the amount of magic she was outputting and moving her horn around some more. Suddenly, her head shifted to the side like a pointer dog having found its prey.

From there she slowly inched her head to the left and then to the right which made her smile and move her eyes back to Jon without moving her head.

“To answer your question of ‘Whether or not I can move your sun’ the answer is... yes,” she said with a smile. “Easily.”

“O-oh… okay… but please don’t,” Jon advised as he slowly reached forward to place a worrying hand on her hoof. “Please for the love of-- I don’t want to be known as the guy who made it so the fun got fucked up.”

With a chuckle to accompany the audiences laughing the magic on Celestia’s horn dissipated, releasing her grip on the mighty star. As much as Jon meant for that to be humourous a part of him was actually concerned. For following months whenever there was a heatwave people would “blame” The Daily Show.

“Okay! So... you can control our sun too, that’s… interesting,” Jon nervously stated, adding a gulp as he pulled against his collar.

“That’s correct. I control the sun and my dear sister controls the moon,” Celestia summed up in a chipper tone. “It’s been that way since... well, since the beginning of our world.” Jon’s attention was seized yet again.

“Another thing I’ve been meaning to ask!” Jon said with a newfound sense of excitement. “How... how was Equestria founded?”

The question hung in the air with Celestia not answering straight away as it looked as if Jon wasn’t done with his question.

“I mean... y-yeah how did Equestria... or at the very least the center region of Equestria, Canterlot, get started?” Jon asked with hand movements across the table. “I... wa-- uh, I want to know the history of your world.”

“Well Jon,” Celestia responded with what sounded like a laugh combined with a content sigh. “The history of Canterlot is a rich and detailed one... I don’t think we have enough time for me to explain exactly how we came to be.”

“Even if you stay five minutes after the show?” Jon asked sarcastically, waiting for the audience to simmer down before continuing. “Alright, alright, alright, then... uh, then give up a brief introduction. Give up the cliff notes.”

“... Very well then,” Celestia said after a taking a deep breathe. “Okay, where to start... I suppose it all beg--”

“By the way I’m going to be very disappointed if this story doesn't begin with ‘once upon a time,’” Jon interrupted, followed by a wave a laughter preventing Celestia to continue. After which inhale which later evolved into another chuckle she took a deep breath to continue to her story.

“Once upon a time... the land we know as Equestria didn’t have the amount of settlements or kingdoms, like the Crystal empire, canterlot, or even Ponville. Tribes were spread out and there wasn’t any order or even an official goverment. The Pegasus, unicorn, and Earth ponies did not live in harmony.” Celestia explained with Jon slumped over his desk in fascination. “Eventually three tribes, each representing a race of pony, found their way to the area we know today as Canterlot. Each wanted to claim the land as their own. At the same time a great blizzard, caused by restless spirits, followed them. It was only when they learned to work together and accept each other as equals did the harsh winter subside and peace was achieved.”

The more she explained the more elaborate she got as she got swept away in the story. Such elaborations including sweeping gestures with her hoof and expanding her wings high above her head. Instinctively, the camera guys had narrowed the view directly on her, a helpful indicator appeared underneath to remind those of who she was.

“With this peace achieved, the three groups of ponies worked together to maintain that harmony for many generations to come. The unicorns used their magic to create Canterlot, thus establishing the kingdom and it’s laws. The earthponies harvested the land and made it so life could flourish. It wouldn't be till much later that even more Earthponies arrived and officially requested to build a settlement which later became known as the town of Ponyville. And last but not least the Pegasi used their gift of flight to regulate the weather and establish the city in the clouds called Cloudsdale,” Celestia continued, looking proud of such accomplishments. “From their, Harmony was finally obtained and over the years the ponies spread out further and further into the land to establish other towns such as: Manehattan, Balitmare, Yanhoover, and the like. But to answer your original question, it was those original pony factions who essentially laid the groundwork for what Equestria is today.”

This would have been the time for applauding via the audience but most of them were too awestruck to even formulate a thought. Jon himself looked as if he had witnessed an explosion as he leaned back in his chair, mouth hung wide open and eyes dilated.

“You just made all that up didn’t you!?” Jon speculated which broke the silence of the studio with roaring laughter from all, including the guest.

“No! No I a-assure you it’s all very true!” Celestia urged, having to pause at one point to stop herself from laughing any further. “I know it may seem absolutely outlandish from a human point of view but it’s the truth.”

“Oh yeah, I forget who I’m talking to,” Jon said with a grin. “You we’re probably there yourself when this all happened. Why I bet you were the one who wrote this all down in the pony history brooks. Heck what am I on about... you were probably around when since the beginning of time when the universe was first created.”

The implications being presented by Jon immediately made Celestia scrunch her nose incredulously. She looked playfully offended but at the same time slightly annoyed.

“I’m not THAT old, Jon!” she said with a huff. Jon wanted to continued on this tangent, and perhaps even tease her further about her age, but he had a better topic he wanted to bring up now that he had the chance.

“You know uh... tha- your story... about how Equestria got founded is-- it... uh, uh, uh it kinda reminds me of another example of a nation being founded,” Jon hinted as, with Celestia looking interesting enough to lean in. “I of course am referring to, America. You... you’re story, in some respects, is somewhat similar to how we became a nation.”

“Ah! Yes I believe I know what you are referring to!” Celestia chimed in with a level of enthusiasm high enough for her to momentarily spread her wings.

“Oh do you now?” he asked.

“Yes indeed. For you see in preparation for this interview I have done some... research shall we say on your fine country,” she continued. “From the outset I’ve had a broad understanding of how this land you call America came to be but as of recently I’ve taken it upon myself to do a little reading. And with your permission I would like try my best recount as much as I know.”

“If that’s your way of asking if you can show off to the guests then by all means,” he responded followed by laughter. “Please share with the class what you know.”

After leaning back a bit to adjust herself in her seat, the princess raised a hoof to her mouth and cleared her throat. This little ritual was followed by a few seconds of silence that was allowed for her think of where to begin; before anyone could ask she had already proceeded.

“If my knowledge of your world is correct... the founders of this nation first arrived at the behest of another kingdom at the time known as Great Britain. At this point in history this nation was famous for sending their people to different parts of the world as colonies, having them report back of their findings and claim the land in the name of the King.” Celestia explained as best she could, her soft yet powerful regal voice adding a sense of elegance to the process. “However... the group of humans who came to this part of the world didn’t want to live under the monarchy anymore and decided to regulate themselves. But when the King decided against this the colonials rebelled and declared themselves a new nation and fought against Great Britain for Freedom and independance. They won and became the nation of the United States of America.”

Jon knew his audience. Before the cheering could start, and subsequent “USA” chants that would follow, he quickly responded since he wanted to see how far her knowledge could take her.

“Having the history of America, and how it kicked the ass of a royal king, explained by a princess just gave someone somewhere the biggest Ameri-rection of all time.” Jon stated, looking more at the now laughing audience then at Celestia. After the chuckling grew softer he returned to his guest with a genuine round of applause. “Seriously though congratulations Celestia, you now have 5th grade level understanding of American history which simultaneously makes it so you have an advanced understanding compared to most US citizens.”

Jon’s jesting and hyperbolic commentary on American culture was enough for Celestia to chuckle to herself, but was genuine enough for her to take it as compliment.

“Thank you very much for saying so,” she responded.

“However... I have a follow up question,” Jon hinted, pausing a moment to make sure the stage was quite enough for him to continue. “The American revolution that you so eloquently described... what was the driving force behind it?” Surprisingly, Celestia was quick to respond.

“It was colonist’s yearning for religious freedom. Your founding fathers felt that the ways of Monarchy, and the social, economical, and political stances that came with it, were detrimental to their way of life.” She answered. “The idea that a self governing democracy by the people was a principle they very much ascribed to. So they wanted to build a new nation from the ground up with the values they thought were best.”

This, to Jon’s delight, wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

“You’re partially right,” he rebuttled. “But what I meant by driving force... uh, what I meant was who-- what actually funded their revolution. Who or what was it that backed their cause which ultimately led them to achieving victory?”

Unlike before Celestia wasn’t quick to answer and instead took a second to think. The continued bout of silence that followed soon afterwards was proof enough to Jon that she didn’t know the answer, he was more than willing to give her a few extra seconds to think it over.

When she didn’t come up with an answer, she sighed and shook her head in defeat.

“I’m afraid I don’t know the answer.” She admitted.

“Would you like me to tell you then?” Jon asked.

“Yes, please do,” she answered.

“It was France,” he revealed.

“The French?” Celestia responded.

“Yep. You see, at the time France hated... and I mean HATED the English for a variety of reasons. So when they heard that we were rebelling they joined in as allies.” Jon explained with some of the audience members nodding in agreement. “They basically... funded the entire thing, basically, because they wanted us to win and-- so that we would destroy slash humiliate our former dictators. In fact they helped us out so much that it resulted in the financial collapse of their country.”

“Oh dear!” Celestia said with a tender hoof on her mouth. “I do hope the French are alright.”

“Eh, they're fine now,” Jon assured her with a nonchalant gesture of his hand. “Actually, I’m glad you-- we brought this up... because it’s a uh... i-i-it’s a perfect example of the difference... between your world and ours.”

“Oh?” Celestia responded with a tilt of her head. “How so?”

“Well because... see in... uh, uh, uh in your world... in your world when three opposing factions get together and-- with similar objectives they set aside their differences and work together in harmony, uniting... as one to make a world beneficial to everyone and establishing a culture predicated on love, equality, and selflessness for thousands of years.” Jon explained with everyone already figuring out where this was going. “But... when three opposing human factions get together it ends in bloodshed, hatred, and bankruptcy. With each side trying to destroy the other.”

The comparison was so absurdly juxtaposed that the crowd began to laugh without a sense of guilt to weigh them down. Celestia however just looked at Jon, and occasionally the audience with a troubled look about her.

“I must say Jon... and do forgive me for saying this... but that sounds... oh so very, very sad,” Celestia began before pursing her lips. “Do not misunderstand me as I do not want to wish to undermine the fascinating history of you humans... but from what you explained... it sounds as if these countries motives... seem rather... shall we say, petty.”

“Ooooooh believe me Celestia, bigger wars have been started over less. Also happens-- this also happens more often than you might think. Like in World War two. America and Russian might’ve hated each other but you know who we hated more? The Germans.” Jon countered with only made his guest look more worried. “But then again, uh, yes this is a cultural difference that you might not understand. I mean come one... you-- look who I’m talking to. You’re the Princess of Equestria a land whose national currency is good feelings, happiness, and love. You guys... uh, you guys don’t have wars, you have tea parties, and ribbon festivals!”

To further emphasize his teasing Jon made sure to emphasize each point with a dainty wagging of his fingers or lifting his pinky fingers as he pretended to sip from a cup of tea.

“Well now Jon... would it surprise you to know that Equestria, Canterlot in particular, have been the subject of past conflicts?” Celestia asked with a slight hint of stern in her voice. “Some of which were on such a large scale that at the time it was considered a war.”

“I’m sorry Celestia but I don’t think the patty-cake fight of 58’ between the fluffy hug bunnies and the tickle fairies on gumdrop mountain count as ‘war,’” Jon sarcastically replied.

“I’m being serious!” Celestia maintained with a smile that at any moment looked like it would evolve to full on laughing. “There have been struggles in the time of my Kingdom which caused so much such hostility that my direct intervention was needed.”

“Give me an example,” Jon demanded in a playful tone like he didn’t believe her.

“Well I’m certain you’ve heard of the infamous period in Equestrian history where Discord nearly took over Kingdom, correct?” Celestia asked.

“Yes, of course,” Jon replied, the very mention of the former villain causing him to squirm in his seat.

“At the time, it was my sister and I who originally petrified him in a stone imprisonment,” she reminded. “This was an example where I needed to protect my world from a situation that threaten to do away with everything that had been established up until that point. Of course, there are less famous examples of others trying to usurp power from Canterlot.”

“Such as?” Jon inquired.

“Well, such as... although I’m not too proud to admit this... we have had situations where our kingdom was forced into battle with neighboring nations, or rival groups whose existence is founded on a lust for power,” Celestia explained. “Historically speaking these struggles never last long as we’ve done our best to avoid conflict through peaceful resolutions and compromise. But there have some those who wish nothing more than to take control of our resources.”

“Overall... and I ask this as someone who has overseen many of these incidents,” Jon began with Celestia nodding in anticipation. “Overall, what... uh, what would you say is the most common example this, of someone trying to... to, to, to annex your kingdom? What’s the usual tactic that an evil force has tried on you?”

Throughout the process of Jon asking this question Celestia never once took her eyes of him. When he finished her view quickly darted upwards in thought before quickly maintaining eye contact, as if she was looking for the answer and found it almost immediately.

“If I’m to understand what you're asking of me is, from a historical view, you want to know what aspect of Equestria most drives an individual, or nation, to attack us?” Celestia summed up, already knowing the answer.

“Yes, exactly!” Jon responded now on the edge of his seat. “I want to know... exactly what it is that makes somebody like Nightmare Moon, or Queen Chrysalis, get all up in your grill. Because from where I’m standing... you would need some pretty big balls to go up against someone as powerful as you.”

“First let me just say... thank you for the compliment,” Celestia said with a bow of her head while those watching chuckled. “And second I would like to point out that those very two individuals you just gave us, Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis, are a good examples of what I would call arrogance in the face overwhelming adversity. Many have tried to do battle with my kingdom and many have tried to steal from us and every time it had always been for the same thing... power.”

Rather than commenting or making a snappy joke, the host instead leaned back in his chair with this hand partially tucked under his chin and across his mouth in silence.

“Since the beginning of the Equestria the lust for power has been very evident. Remember the three pony factions who later worked together to create Canterlot... they themselves originally wanted the land, and with it, all the resources it had all to themselves. It was only when they learned to work together that harmony was obtained,” she continued to explain. “And it is that harmony that would later take corporeal form as the Elements of Harmony. I bring this up because the Elements represented the very structure of our world and with it bore a great power... a power which has been sought after by countless individuals throughout Equestrian history.”

“The Elements of Harmony?” Jon questioned. “There have been... individuals who have tried to steal this power away from you?”

“Oh goodness yes,” Celestia answered while shaking her head. “Countless times.”

“So what you’re saying is... the Elements of HARMONY... has been the cause of WAR,” Jon summarized as Celestia pulled up a hoof as if to stop him.

“Before you comment any further, yes, I realize the irony,” she conceded.

Jon was still very much interesting in hearing about Equestria history but he still unable to resist the temptation of pointing out such a paradox.

“But it is true that the Elements are indeed very powerful, so much so that for a while early in Canterlot history many have tried to use it’s power for evil and they all failed. The reason why is simply because the Elements are too strong for just anypony to utilize; it takes one with a firm understanding of the principles by which they represent to properly use them.” Celestia said as thoroughly as she possible could. “This is why later in time evil forces such as, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis, and Discord didn’t try to steal the Elements but instead focused on overthrowing Canterlot. Because the elements have noble qualities such as kindness, generosity, loyalty... these are aspects that they do not possess so in their hands the elements would be useless. It’s like when Discord returned after being imprisoned. His first mission wasn’t to use the Elements for himself because he knew he could not do this. Instead he hid them, because what he did know was that they were the only things that could stop him.”

“Okay maybe you can help me out here because I’m confused about something.” Jon was forced to interject. “You say that... uh, that in the past there have been some who tried to use the power of the elements for evil.”

“For awhile yes.” Celestia answered.

“Yeah but... I thought the Elements of Harmony w-weren’t active till Twilight and her friends used them to uh... to, to, to defeat Nightmare Moon o-only a few years ago.” Jon admitted.

“You’re not... completely mistaken. Yes, for brief moment in time where was a period where the Elements of Harmony were inert.” Celestia said. “This came about after I was forced to banish my sister to the moon.”

“And for the record... how long was this period of inactivity?” Jon asked.

“A thousand years,” Celestia said now realizing was getting at.

“I love how for you... that’s ‘a brief moment,’” he commented.

“... I’m a lot older than I look.” She smiled.

“Yes, I know. ANYWAY! Uh, so you say that before Twilight and her friends the Elements were also used to fight evil,” Jon continued, his voice trailing off only to come back full force. “If that’s true... who used them?”

“Why, me and my sister, of course. Unfortunately, when she tried overthrow me I was forced to use the elements by myself against her... but prior to that we had joint control over them,” Celestia said with Jon taking an even keener interest. “Remember back to when she and I banished Discord. We did so--”

“You seem to be using Discord as an example an awful lot during this interview,” Jon interrupted. The pause the followed by laced with the sound of the audience laughing at Celestia trying to keep her composure.

“He’s a… very prominent figure in our culture’s history,” Celestia explained.

“And now he lives with an animal caretaker,” Jon commented. “Anyways, you were saying.”

“Yes, thank you. But to continue when me and mys sister vanquished... well, you know who... we did so using the Elements,” Celestia continued while using her magic to levitate her mug of water to her mouth. “Much like how we worked together to control the rising and setting of stars and moons we also worked together to control the elements. Our dual ownership consisted of me being in control generosity, kindness and magic, whereas my dear sister was in charge of loyalty, laugher, and honesty.”

“I’m going to stop you right there!” Jon said with a devious smile about him.

“Oh goodness.” Celestia playfully moaned as she used her wings to cover her face. She knew that smile all too well, Jon had something lined up but she wasn’t entirely sure what but she knew it was coming. “Did I say something wrong?”

“You did actually... so... uh are-- are you telling me... that Luna,” Jon began having to stop for a second to let out a single chuckle and taking a deep breathe. “That Luna... was in charge of the element of... “loyalty.”

As if his observation was a punch to the jaw Celestia joted back in her seat leaned her long neck upwards to let loose a frustrated sigh which soon evolved to laughing as she couldn't hold herself back. She wasn’t at all surprised that Jon was quick on the trigger.

“Again... I realize the irony,” she said as she flipped her head to the side to readjust her hair as Jon leaned in.

“Okay soooo... moving on. So to-- you and your sister had the elements before she went turned and then you controlled them.” Jon summarised in an attempt to keep things on track. “Then the elements later when dormant, and Twilight and her friends later had the responsibility of using them.”

“Overall, still very much a brief time in the Element’s lengthy history but you are correct,” she acknowledged

“So... it seems that... almost anyone can use these artifacts?” Jon commented his voice trailing off to sound uncertain.

“Well technically yes... but as I’ve already said this can only happen if said person respected, understood, and represented what the elements stood for,” she said.

“Okay, okay, okay... then answer me this,” Jon said, leaning forward with Celestia playfully doing the same. “Could... I use the elements of harmony?”

“You?” Celestia said in an unbelieving tone.

“Wow! Did you really have to say it like that?! Jon exclaimed as he leaned back in his chair to throw his arms out.

“No, no please forgive me! I did not mean for it to sound the way it did!” Celestia assured him with a one hoof over her heart. “I simply meant... you simply cause me by surprise with that question. Again I’m sorry!”

“I accept your apology!... If you answer you question.” Jon responded with a nudge of his head. “Could I use the elements?”

Jon knew the answer as much as Celestia did but he nevertheless wanted to see how she’d handle this.

“Okay, while you do embody most of what the Elements of Harmony represent, such as kindness, loyalty and...to be honest I don’t think there’s anyone one else in this world who personifies the element of laughter quite like you... there is one crucial element that you do not have.” Celestia explained in a tone like a parent explaining to their child why they can’t have a treat. To lessen the impact she turned to the audience to get them involved and perhaps lessen the impact. “Can anyne tell me what that element is?”

At once the entire studio’s audience answered with some saying it faster than others making it almost inaudible. Most answered correct with some playfully saying something different but it was clear what they all said.

“Magic!”

With a swing of her seat Celestia turned to face Jon again who was already facing the audience himself.

“Wait! Did I hear one of you say ‘generosity!?’” he pointed accusingly at the audience with an insulted expression about him that looked funny since he was all smiles. “The tickets to this show are free ya know!?”

Like a giraffe learning to take a sip of water Celetia long neck dipped like she was trying to look at her reflection in the mirror. The reason for this was simply because she was laughing so hard she soon found herself hunched over unable to keep herself upright. Jon saw this at the corner of his eye but for the sake of the joke continued to point at various laughing audience members as if to accuse them of being the culprit.

Satisfied with himself Jon joined his guest back at the desk where she was just recovered from her bout of laughter. Ready to continued as was Jon.

“So... the element of magic, huh?” he motioned for her to answer. “That’s my handicap?”

“I’m afraid so.” Celestia responded, almost dishearteningly. “A basic comprehension and control over magic is need to use them.”

“B-but what about Mane 6 members like Applejack, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash!?” Jon protested. “They can’t use magic but they’re owners of the elements.”

“I’m afraid you are only partially correct. You forget that my faithful student Twilight is also a member of the Mane 6. She acts as something of a conduit for the magic required to utilize the Elements of Harmony. And as somepony who has known her since she was but a filly trust me when I say she has more than enough magic inside her for six mares.” Celestia proudly stated. “And even though most of her friends can’t use magic in the traditional sense that doesn’t exactly mean they’re not magical in their own right. Magic exists all over Equestria in many other forms.”

“Is that right?” Jon said while adjusting his suit. “Give me an example.”

“I could... but we wouldn't want to send a typhoon through your studio now would we?” Celestia asked followed by a slight chuckle that had Jon giving her a look of suspicion.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“I’m referring to my wings, dear.” she replied by once again showing off her wingspan, this time adding emphasis by giving them a few flaps which sent out a small wave of cool air at Jon. “I, like most pegasi, can control the weather thank in part to my wings. This in itself is a form of magic. Other forms of magic can been seen in animals as well, such as the mighty phoenix reviving itself from the asked, or the cockatrice being able to turn predators into stone, even a Timber Wolf with its ability to regenerate itself.”

There was an always an unspoken rule for Jon that if he ever saw a creature in Equestria that didn’t talk was to be avoided since he wouldn't be able to and therefore wouldn't be able to gauge whether or not it was a threat. Hearing this cemented that rule forever now.

“You see in Equestria... magic permeates everywhere and in an essential part of our way of life. Some kingdoms, such as the Crystal Empire, need magic to sustain and protect itself... but then you have a place like the human world.” Celestia said as she looked all around her, noting the studio’s many blinking devices and neon fixtures. “You humans seemed to be very reliant on external means yourself... but your culture is more in part revolves around technology not magic. So I’m afraid a human, such as yourself, could never fully control our elements... again I’m sorry.”

“You know what? That’s fine,” Jon responded by wiping his hands as if to be done with this subject. “Because you know what... we humans may never have your magic... but I’ll tell you somewhat that we do have that you guys don’t... indoor plumbing.”

Celestia almost jumped in her seat at the sight and sound of Jon pumping his fist in front of him multiple times in gesticulation, punctuating each jab by yelling “boom” as loudly as he could. The crowd was simultaneously laughing at the guest and at Jon who was now rubbing his aching shoulder. After a few stretches he was ready to proceed.

“So you can keep… you… you and your world can keep your new-fangled magic while I’m at home flushing my toilet,” Jon boasted with his nose in the air while flaunting his hand in a dismissive gesture.

“It’s truly a shame your people don’t have any magic,” Celestia commented with Jon looking proud of himself. “I’d imagine that someone such as yourself would make great use of it in your line of work.”

“You know… I will say one thing... do-- remember when my staff and I came to Canterlot to set up the episode where I interviewed your sister?” he asked.

“Yes, of course,” Celestia nodded.

“Well, you weren’t there at the time, but I gotta tell ya… it was-- setting up an entire stage… uh, was so much easier w-when we had ponies using their magic to help us,” Jon admitted. “It’s like… instead of getting ladders we just had a pony levitate or fly up to install it. There was... just so many corners we could cut simply because we had a pony willing to use a spell. It has gotten to the point where... you know how bad it’s gotten?”

“No; do tell,” she said.

“Before the show, one of uh… one of my staffers came up to me and said ‘Is it true? Is our next guest another unicorn?’ and I said ‘yes,’” Jon explained. “He then took his phone out and asked, ‘Think she’d use her magic to charge my cell?’”

The crowd laughed, but Celestia didn’t join them until Jon slowly reached into his pocket to take out his iPhone and presented it to her in a “if you wouldn't mind” kind of gesture. To show he wasn’t serious, he quickly holstered it back into his jacket pocket.

“I’m actually quite shocked that magic doesn’t exist in your world. Especially given that human culture, historically from what I gather, has been and continues to be rather obsessed with the concept,” Celestia was finally able to say now that she had calmed down a bit. “Ancient humans were fascinated with the unexplainable; even going as far as inventing explanations to everyday situations by attributing them to unseen figures with magical properties. Your children are told fairy tales which feature magic heavily and in modern times some of your more famous examples of film deal with wizardry in one form or another.”

“Don’t be so quick to count us out just yet. There are-- there is yet so much about uh, this world yet to be seen,” Jon challenged. “I mean, who-- how can you be so certain that nowhere in this world is their any kind of magic?”

“That is a very good point, but what I can tell you is that there is not a shred of magic located in New York,” Celestia revealed.

“You really know how to kill the mood, don’t ya Celly?” Jon sighed.

“Again, I mean no offense. I’m quite adept at these matters, and while I was already aware that humans have not officially harnessed any such power, I must say… I was terribly surprised when I landed here in your studio,” she said while looking all around her, seeming to search for something. “I can sense whenever there’s magic about, but when I’m here… I can’t feel anything at all. And, since the United States, New York in particular, is a densely packed collection of a wide range of humans from all over the world, it’s safe to assume it would be the same anywhere else.”

“So… our world has no magic… and you know this because you can’t sense any of it?” Jon asked. “If that’s the case, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS?”

Without waiting for a response, Jon swiftly brought his hands together and demonstrated how, using only his hands, he was able to dislocate his thumb before placing it back where it had been. Celestia wasn’t impressed.

“I’m afraid that’s not magic,” she commented.

“Dammit!” Jon blurted. “Are you sure there’s none in this world?”

“I’m almost certain. To be honest, it’s quite unsettling. As Princess of Equestria, I’ve had to travel to all corners of our nation and never have I felt the absence of some mystical properties,” she confided. “But when I’m here… please understand it’s all very new for me. I grew up in Canterlot, the magic capital of the world, where magic permeates every living thing. Even our most cherished artifacts were created by magic.”

“What? I thought that… well, I thought the Elements were just… always around,” Jon tried to explain as he rubbed the back of his head. “You know… like, since the dawn of time… or something.”

“No, you're right. The cornerstones that make up and created our world- honesty, kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty, and magic- have always been. But what I’m referring to are the physical relics that channel those powerful values,” she said with Jon now paying closer attention. “Many, many years ago there was this tree, a tree whose roots ran deep into the planet. We called this mystical tree the Tree of Harmony, and from its branches it bore fruit- The Elements of Harmony. The tree had infused these gems with immense power related to each elemental property of Harmony. This is how The Elements were able to take physical form.”

“Wa-- hold on… if The Elements of Harmony… or, rather, the trinkets that you guys use to defend yourselfs with were created-” Jon began before pausing a second to let this sink in “-then… then why not just make more of ‘em? That way you’ll have even more fire power.”

“I’m… afraid it doesn’t work that way,” she answered. “The Elements are a very precious resource which cannot be abused. One cannot simply create more of what has already been created. And even if such a thing were possible, having that much collected magic could be dangerous- not to mention a strain on our very world.”

“You mean you can’t make more of these powerful artifacts because… it would be wasteful to have more than what is necessary?” he summarized out loud.

“Yes, exactly,” she agreed.

“So, basically, what you’re telling me is… these things don’t just grow on trees?” Jon asked, which he rather regretted as some audience members groaned.

Even for Jon, this was cheesy, but judging by how much Celestia was laughing she found it to be quite humorous; thus fueling the idea that she was an easy crowd. And, as Jon looked over at his staff, he regretted it more as one stage hand was waving at him with his finger which was the signal that they were out of time. He hated to break for commercial on such a low note, though was without choice.

Leaning forward as closely as he could, Jon grabbed Celestia’s hoof while she was still laughing for a firm shake.

“Okay, we’re going to go on a quick commercial break, but when we get back… things are definitely going to pick up, I promise,”Jon assured both his audience and guest as he pointed to the camera. “When we come back, more Equestrian Interviews with Princess Celestia! Stick around folks!”

Without waiting for applause, the camera was bombarded with The Daily Show logo. Since this was still being aired, the show’s team of camera operators wasted no time in cutting the feed for the incoming commercial break.

This may have been only the first half of the on-air interview, but Jon wanted to make sure they squeezed in as much time as possible before having the rest overflow into the online portion- because that’s when things were really going to get good.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Even though he was not one to get nervous over something like an interview, Jon couldn't help but wipe the sweat from his forehead. He may have done this hundreds of times, both on his show and other networks, but this was different. It wasn’t so much the fact that his interviewee was a living god, but rather that she was a very good friend.

And as such, he wanted everything to be perfect.

With shaking legs and drumming fingers, Jon counted the seconds in his head as the stock footage of the bright New York streets came back on screen. This, as well as the crowd now cheering as loudly as they could, signaled to him and everyone working behind the scenes that the bout of commercials had just ended.

Turning to face the camera, Jon was given the signal by an on set stagehand for them to continue- something which he was all too eager to do, as evident by him not even waiting for the crowd to stop their praising.

“Aaaaaaand we’re back with my lovely guest Princess Celestia!” Jon said as he turned quickly to face her. “Now uh… I just… can I say something here?”

“By all means,” Celestia responded with a tip of her head and motion of her front hoof.

“We had-- in our previous segment of the interview we had all kinds of discussions regarding your world,” Jon recapped, “and I’m willing to bet we barely scratched the surface.”

“Yes, that would be a pretty safe assumption on your part,” Celestia said.

“I mean, we discussed: You and your sister controlling the heavens, mythical spirits, how magic created your world… uh, animals… who can also use magic,” Jon listed, pausing list off each point with a finger. “We uh... we talked about how you and various other ponies embody the elements that create your universe and how you defeated a god of chaos by using these mythical elements in physical form which were created by a sacred tree of magic.”

This brief summary caused the audience to go silent, some out of awe at the reminder of exactly who they were in the presence of but most because they wanted to see where Jon was going with this.

“All roads lead back to you… so taking all this into consideration, I have come up with one single, solitary conclusion,” he announced. “That being.... whoa... Celestia you really ARE a God.”

This stating of the obvious was not an attempt to embarrass her or elicit a round of applause from the audience, but both happened anyway. With the crowd cheering the guest almost as loudly as when the first segment had ended, Jon used this brief break to take a drink of his water while Celestia tried to hide her blushing face behind her wispy mane.

“Oooh Jon I’d really wish you wouldn't call me that.” She grimaced like she just took a full bite out of a lemon. “I was never a fan of ponies or anyone else calling me by that title.”

“Why is that?” Jon asked. “I’m assuming you’ve been called that all your life. Surely you’ve gotten used to hearing it by now.”

“The thing is... I like to consider myself to be just like everypony else,” she explained with Jon about to say something but stopping once Celestia threw her hoof up at him. “Now I realize that may seem disingenuous coming from a being like myself. I appreciate the fact that I am an alicorn who has been been blessed with an abundance of power and the privilege of being in royalty... but as different as I am to my subjects I still try to understand them on a more personal level. I don’t want to be viewed as a some kind of deity that is above everypony else. Like my people I too was born and raised in flesh and blood and I too have my own faults and am still learning... I want to be looked at as an equal, not and idol.”

Like before the audience embraced Celestia with a brief round of applause that she seemed to not mind so much this time around, even going as far as acknowledging them by turning and giving a slight nod of the head. Jon would have joined them but he much rather keep the sense of levity alive as long as he could.

“I think... when you have the ability to move the sun you’ve past the point of being just like everyone else.” Jon commented which the audience not laughing at Celetia who was still facing them. “That’d be like if-- that’s like if Jesus came down and said ‘yeah bro I’m totally just like you guys!’ while walking on water and scooping it up then turning it into wine.”

And with that the two went right back to where they started. With Jon taking the time to take a sip of his drink and Celestia once again trying to hide her embarrassment.

“But uh... uh, uh, uh in all uh, in all seriousness, I do find your attitude to your position really rather respectable. It’s refreshing to see someone say they want to be like those they govern and... and actually mean it.” Jon said in a voice that sounded sincere but at the same time looking as if he would tease her at any moment. “But tell me... don’t the-- I mean don’t your own people... like worship you.”

“Some do, yes. As to be expected ponies who come visit me or some who are employed at my castle do treat me high levels respect and I in response always try my best to do the same to them.” she explained. “But there are some, such as yourself, who... really go out of their way to try and make me feel special. In some parts of the Equestria there are those who set up gatherings to praise my name as the sun rises.”

“Hm, interesting... we humans used to do that too.” Jon commented. “Worship the sun I mean.”

“Yes, I am aware of that.” Celestia responded in a pitched tone. “Though from what I understand that form of worship isn’t practiced much these days.”

“You know what!? I think we need to change that!” he announced. “We should bring sun worshiping back... I think it’s a very practical religion with good morals.”

“Such as?” she wondered out loud.

“Ah! I’m glad you asked because for this interview I... I made a point to look up an old bit that George Carlin did.” Jon explained while grabbing his blue notes off the table and shuffled them around to the correct page. “As you may uh... or may not know George is a... just an amazing comedian, and a hero of mine... and uh h-he once had this routine on religion.. he-- and at one point he talked about sun worship. And with your permission... I’d like to recite it to you.”

“Certainly Jon.” she answered. “I would love to hear it.”

“Great okay I think you’re really gonna love this. Ahem.” Jon cleared his throat as he placed the paper closer to his eyes. For a moment he thought about putting on a voice but at the last second decided against it and began reciting. “‘Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.’”

The smile on Celestia’s face was contagious. This was very evident by Jon laughing along with her. Though as Jon suspected only a few audience members joined them... Carlin’s sense of humour was more his generation.

“Oh my! I rather like that. Especially that last part; quite humorous!” Celestia chuckled. “Though... if this is the same George Carlin that I think he is... I’m pretty sure he wasn’t being at all serious.”

“Oooooh I-- yeah no not at all!” Jon shook his head before another chuckled escaped his mouth at the idea. “Ol’ Carlin was in no way a religious man... in any way shape or form. People used to get very mad at the kinds of jokes he’d make... at the expense of a certain uh, belief or culture.”

“Oh! That’s another thing I’ve discovered about your people that greatly interests me.” Celestia hinted at. “Much like how your people used to believe in magic you also used to be extremely religious. But nowadays--”

“I... if I were you I’d be careful about you phrase your next statement.” Jon nervously said as he slowly looked over at the cameras. “You're treading on a delicate subject here.”

“Oh... well if you’d like me to stop I most certainly will.” Celestia offered, even thought she knew it would do her no good. “I wouldn't want to upset anyone.”

“No, no, no you go right on ahead!” he urged. “Please... uh, please continue.”

“Well... I was just pointing out that modern humans don’t seem to... oh how should I put this... have the same amount of vigour towards religion as they used to.” she tactfully tried to explain. “Ancient humans used to force other humans to be apart of their religion through some... grizzly methods... entire civilizations would base their entire culture, architecture, and way of life off of what they felt was gods will... massive wars were started over whose religion was right and those who ruled over these civilizations proclaimed that their deity meant for them to be in charge.”

Her explanation was met with the response she had assumed it would warrant. Instead Jon just stared at her with a “you gotta be kidding me” look on his face which he shared by looking at the audience then back at her.

“It’s... really depressing on how everything you just said still happens today, Jon commented. “Matter of fact I think you fully described all of last week.”

The look of uncertainty as to whether he was being serious was enough to make the audience laugh and nod in agreement. Celestia looked confused which made Jon laugh and lean in to address her more directly.

“No but I... I-I-I do understand uh, what you're trying to say. Back when the world was new and unexplained we would invent gods to explain things we didn’t understand whereas now we put more stock into science. We don’t uh... w-we don’t sacrifice our first borns anymore, and while back in the day it was said in scripture that... the-- our God talked regularly to people if someone today said they heard a voice... we’d think they were crazy.” Jon said to try and get more on Celestia’s level of reasoning. “I myself am uh... I’m Jewish but I don’t really adhere to their laws and practices. I’m ‘irreligious’I believe the term is. Actually studies have shown that as the human race continued to evolve into the new century it’s becoming more and more apparent that people, specifically the younger generation, is turning away from religion as a whole.”

“So the younger of the human species don’t worship idols?” Celestia asked, generally curios.

“Oooo-ho-ho-ooh they do! Trust me they do!” Jon assured her with widened eyes. “We just don’t call them idols or gods... we call them celebrities.”

“Aaaaaah yes of course.” Celestia nodded. “It’s same with the ponies back home... if you think I’m well liked and famous you should see how fillies and colts react when somepony like Sapphire Shores performs at the Canterlot concert hall.”

“I knew at some point our interview would distill itself to us old timers yelling about the kids these day,” Jon sighed with a shake of his head. “But uh yeah... kids nowadays would much rather see what’s trending... rather... rather than go to church and I don’t think-- and the thing is this isn’t knew... I’ve seen this happened... since I was their age. I mean Jon Lennon famously stated that he was bigger than Jesus, and in terms of popularity... he was right.”

“Goodness that’s... quite a claim to make.” Celestia commented. “I certainly do hope you never get to be that boastful.”

“Who me? Nah I’m not more popular than Jesus.” Jon shrugged, pausing a moment to look like he was thinking. “I might have more of a following than maybe Buddha, but not Jesus.”

As the crowd laughs a look of realization washes over Jon’s face like he just remembered something very crucial. He opened his mouth to say something but was immediately drowned out by the sound of laughter from those watching in the studio. It was only after they calmed down did he continue.

“Actually this... something that comes to mind, I just thought of, is an incident that happened years ago!” he said with great enthusiasm. “Oh I love telling this story. Back in the-- actually do you know who Madonna is?”

“The singer?” Celestia responded. “Yes I know of her.”

“Okay well... back in the late 80’s early 90’s, when she was at the height of her popularity, the US post office announced a Madonna uh, Stamp. A stamp. And when this was announced... uh, uh, there was... huge lines... forming around post offices all over the country, because young fans wanted to get this limited stamp.” Jon explained. “But... but here’s the thing. It was only when the stamp was officially announced and sold did people realize... that it was Madonna the mother of Christ, not Madonna the pop singer.”

“Oh dear no!” Celestia laughed as she leaned back to better breathe.

“It’s true! At the time young adults... when they heard ‘Madonna’ they immediately thought of the singer... instead of the mother of Jesus who is the uh... savior in arguably the most well known religion in modern times.” Jon summarized for the benefit of those who might’ve not heard the first time around. “I love this story because uh... uh, i-it’s a good example-- it’s a perfect representation of just how much... our culture puts more of an emphasis on celebrities and worldly possessions than really anything else.”

“Interestingly, do you know who else shares this idea?” Celestia asked, quick to expand on such a vague opening. “I’ll give you a hint... it’s a pony we both know.”

“Do I like this pony?” Jon asked.

“Oh, you most certainly do!” Celestia answered.

“Alright. so it can’t be Lyra.” he responded while rubbing his chin in deep thought. Before she or anyone in the audience could react Jon was quick to continue. “I’m kidding! I’m only kidding!... Celestia you might want to tell me now before I open my mouth again.”

“Very well then. Your claims that humans care more about celebrities than anything else would get a lot of support from my most faithful student Twilight.” she finally revealed. “Do you recall when you had her on your show?”

“No I don’t.” Just responded with a weak shrug and blunt tone like he didn’t care. His ever shifting smile telling Celestia otherwise.

“Well... in that case... allow me to remind you.” she said, pausing at certain points to stop herself from bursting out laughing. “When Twilight was on your show she made a special point of showing how much knowledge she had accumulated about your world. Before the show she read up on your people's history.”

“And what did she find?” he asked.

“Well see this is the thing. It isn’t a matter of what she found, but rather where and how long she found it.” Celestia continued with Jon looking rather confused. “You see when you first asked me to be on your show the first thing I did was ask Twilight to join me for tea. While there I asked her for help about what I was to expect while on your show.”

“Uuuugh, you're THAT kind of person, huh?” Jon said in a moaning tone. “The kind that invites somewhere over for lunch only to talk to them about business.”

“Yes I’m afraid so. B-but getting back to what I was saying! I asked her what I should expect, but in addition I also wanted to her to give me lecture on human history. Overall I did learn some new things but I was surprised that, given the time she spent in your world doing research, that she didn’t know more.” Celestia explained. “And I remember, she turned to me and said; ‘in the human world... it’s easier to look up celebrities than it is historical figure... I’m not sure why that is. It’s actually something I’ve been researching.’”

With one hand on his desk to brace himself and another a closed fist over his mouth Jon found it himself in wave of laughter that almost made him feel the need to get up and walk around. What Twilight had apparently said wasn’t particularly funny to him, what got him almost needing to sedate himself. It was the fact that researching a topic on research was something Jon could totally see her doing.

“She would say something like that!” Jon said before bursting with another laugh or two.

“She’s already got a thesis worked out.” Celestia added which made Jon flop his head forward into his hands in continued laughter. “To her credit... it’s actually a well researched topic. I particularly enjoy her topic points Christmas.”

“Y-you... you guys have Christmas too?” Jon asked.

“Not exactly we have something called Hearth's Warming. No, I’m referring to your human holiday called Christmas which from what I’ve read has a long history of religious undertones.” Celestia recalled. “Based on a pagan holiday it was later taken and recontextualized into a Christian Holiday celebrating the Birth of your God’s son, Jesus.”

“Exactly! But neither of those is really the central theme anymore.” Jon said, knowing his opinions would carry with it a slew of angry emails. “Nowadays it’s just an excuse to shop and get the latest model phone in a show of ultimate capitalism. So again the religions aspects is just so much white noise.”

“Do YOU celebrate this holiday?” Celestia wondered.

“I’m Jewish. On Christmas you can usually find me at a Chinese restaurant.” Jon joked only to dismissively wave his hand. “No, no I uh... I sometimes go to Christmas parties, or participate in the office secrete Santra but nothing extensive.... as uh... that. So tell me... is there an Equestrian Holiday celebrating YOUR birth? Is there a Celestia day?”

“Oh heavens no!” She answered. “A holiday just about me... that would be entirely too much.”

“You... you really are just... the picture of humility aren’t ya?” Jon pointed out as the crowd lightly applauded before silencing themselves as Jon spoke again. “I-- let me tell ya somethin... our generation may not be as... spiritual as previous ones but I guarantee that after tonight... there won’t be a person alive on Earth who doesn’t know who you are.”

Although he didn’t directly say it the implications behind Jon’s compliment was enough to warrant a reminder from his.

“I appreciate the thought but again... I’m not a god.” Celestia maintained calmy. “I’d much rather prefer ponies, and humans alike to think of me as just another Equestrian citizen but... if one absolutely had to address me in a formal matter I’d much rather princess more than anything else.”

“Yeeeeaaaah. Because calling yourself a princess is a thousand times more humble than calling yourself a god.” Jon scoffed while shaking his head in a playful manner. “You know... uh, that’s something else I’ve noticed about you... you-- the fact that... y-you're a princess. I mean... wouldn't-- I mean isn’t that title... beneath you?”

“Hm. I don’t see why it would.” she responded confusingly. “Afterall... I AM a princess.”

“Yeah but... and forgive me if this sounds like I’m bashing your royal family,” he continued with Celestia giving him a playful look at the idea. “But there are... other princess in your kingdom but from what I understand you are the uh... the main ruler and the strongest one. Would it... uh, wouldn’t make more sense... if you were the Queen, rather than just Princess?

“I do see what your saying but to answer your question you need to understand how the system of royalty works, especially in our Kingdom.” she began to explain. “To be a Queen... there needs to be a King.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaaah.” Jon spoke in a understanding tone.

“In our world the status of King and Queen is given right after the wedlock of two royals.” she continued. “So if you're not married you're either a prince or Princess.”

“Well what about... uh, uh... Queen Chrysalis or King Sombra?” Jon replied, having to pause and think since he wasn’t too keen on every Equestrian villain. “From what I’ve... from what understand they have the call themselves by King and QUeen but they're not married.”

“Quite true,” Celestia admitted. “Though... those two aren't really well known for following the rules now are they?”

It was no secret that Jon was a huge proponent in levity in the face of adversity. He had much respect for someone who could humour at something tragic, often as part of the healing process or to show that they’ve moved on. So as he sat in his seat laughing to himself he couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride as his friend for her use wit when talking about some of her mortal enemies.

“Also while we’re on the subject there is actually another rule in regards to the law of whether or not somepony can be King or Queen. And that rule is that both participants need to be Alicorns.” Celetia added with a flick of her wings.

“Is that right.” Jon commented.

“Yes indeed. The reason being is that the ancient ponies of Canterlot Parliament, who made this rule centuries ago, didn’t want the scenario of a royal alicorn pony, who is immortal, marrying an individual who could die.” she continued. “Because of course if they did, among many other problems, it would mean that the living spouse would revert back to being a princess or prince. They liked the idea of two Alicorns, who could live forever, being permanent Kings and Queens... because that was the highest title in the land so they wanted it to go to the highest species of pony.”

“Are there any perks to being... a Queen rather than Princess?” Jon asked.

“Yes; more authority and by extension more responsibility.” She answered. “For example if I were to get married and become Queen I would have a higher ranking in the royal family. This in turn would make it so instead of me and my sister being Co-rulers I ascend higher than her in terms of a wider range of influence over the kingdom.”

“In my opinion THATS how Luna should have tried to take over the kingdom.” Jon commented. “Instead of just... you know doing it the old fashion way of just offing the previous ruler she should have gotten herself a man and become Queen.”

“Seems.. a rather roundabout way doing things wouldn't you say.” Celestia observed with a slight chuckle.

“Yeah but if that did happen you know what that would lead to?” Jon asked with Celestia titing her head in thought with no time to answer. “A... honeyMOON.”

Slowly to show that she was being sarcastic Celestia listed her hooves where she slowly clopped them together in a slow applause. The smile on her face looking almost insulting.

“Very good, Jon.” She snickered. Jon liked this more playful and sassy side of her but while they were still on this line of questioning he wanted to get somewhat serious for a second and ask her a question that had been eating away at him for awhile now.

“Thanks uh... okay so... y-you’re not a queen but you can if-- Okay not to sound like my mother 20 years ago but,” he began before putting on his best elderly jewish woman accent he could muster. “Why aren’t you married yet? I mean is it too much to ask for some grandchildren already? You’re not getting any younger ya know. Also you never call anymore!”

“Ooooh well... if you must know,” she began after a few chuckles. “I’ve never had the time.” Her answer was short, simple, and any signs of dishonesty or trickery. And yet it still make Jon look upon her and lean back in his seat suspiciously.

“You don’t... have enough time?” he echoed. “Your Celestia... an immortal Alicorn who's been around for 1000s of years. You literally have all the time in the world!”

“I’ve... also been very busy with work?” she added with a playful shrug.

“My god, this really is, more or less, the exact conversation I had with my own mother before I got married.” Jon reminisced as he slowly ran his finger through his hair where he eventually was grabbing the back of his head. “All that’s missing is her trying calling you up every other day trying to get you to go on a blind date with the new member of her book club.”

“Oh is that how you met Tracey?” Celestia inquired. “Through your mother?”

“God no.” Jon blurted at the idea like a bad taste in his mouth. “But... but uh... your close. We uh, we were set up on a uh... on a blind date.”

“By whom?” She asked.

“Oh mutual friends. It was actually at-- it was set up by the production assist on a movie I appeared in called “Wishful Thinking,” he name dropped with no one, especially Celestia, looking like they knew what film he was referring too. “Yes exactly. But anyway... anyway that’s how we first met.”

“Would you mind telling how it went?” Celestia asked.

“What the date? I’d say pretty well since we ended getting married.” Jon said as everyone but him chuckled at his less than straightforward answer. “No uh, it uh... it, it, it, it went well. So well in fact that we continued to date for the next four years. By then we had moved in together and I wanted to take things to... to the next level. But before I actually asked her to marry me I went and... oh I’m getting tired of telling this story-- but at time I reached out to an an old acquaintance of mine by the name of Will Shortz who, uh... w-who at the time was the the crossword editor at the uh, The New York Times. Anyway I went to him and got a personalized crossword just for Tracey which, when she solved it, had my proposal in it.”

Much like how Jon had predicted the studio was now being bombarded with the echoing cooes and awws from the audience, like they had just spotted a newborn puppy trying to hug a kitten. In addition Jon’s clairvoyance also extended to his guest, her eyes so wide that he could see his reflection.

“My goodness Jon that is... the absolute sweetest thing I have ever heard!” Celestia declared with her hoof over her heart like she was about to faint.

“Eh, I guess.” he shrugged. “But to be honest I only married her cause she laughs at all my jokes.”

“Oh hush you!” she jeered playfully while batting wing in his direction.

“But yeah uh... thanks. That was... oh goodness, fourteen years ago in fact, and now... we have two beautiful children.” Jon finished by slamming his hand on the desk in a definitive manner right before the crowd gave him a round of applause along with his guest. Their warm reception was a nice change of pace but soon after Jon was now focused on the issue at hand. More specifically the fact that the guest was asking the questions instead of the other way around . “Bu-bu-bu-but going back a bit this, this... this isn’t about me it’s about you! Don’t try to uh... distract me!”

It took a second but everyone watching, Celestia especially, was now on the reminded of how they got on this line of questioning in the first place.

“So tell me Celestia...why aren’t you married?” Jon continued with an arched eyebrow with Celetia on the verge of answering. “And this time give us a more detailed answer than just ‘I’m busy.’”

With her go-to response now shot down she was forced to take a deep breathe and think about a more proper answer. But when it came right down to all roads came to the same as before.

“To be honest Jon I... well if I had to be more specific I would say its because of my parents.” She said in an attempt to be original.

“Your parents?” he asked.

“Or to be more to the point, their influence on me. You see... before me and Luna our parents were the ones who ruled over Equestria. They were the ones who kept order during and indeed before Canterlot Castle was even built .” She explained. “So you see... by contrast I and my sister have a much easier time ruling over a nation since it’s already been long since established. Whereas our parents were ruling over a time of uncertainty.”

“So... so you inherited the position your parents had, and since-- and because you have a much easier job than they did you overcompensate by swearing off marriage and focusing solely on your work?” he suggested was the case with his guest looking uncertain. “You know I... I think ‘Sex in the City’ had an episode of regarding that very problem.”

“Well... personally, I wouldn't quite phrase it the way you just did... but there is a some truth in what you say. One might suggest that, yes, times now are easier than when our kingdom was first founded. But having said that I feel that we as a nation face every single day problems and issues, in our modern history, that previous generations never even dreamed of.” Celestia admitted. “ Luna and myself, from the moment we were born, were destined to carry on our parents legacy by ruling over Equestria. That kind of commitment is what keeps me awake at night reviewing laws and treaties rather than looking for that very special somepony. Some might call that an unfulfilled existence but it’s the price I pay to properly rule over my kingdom.”

There were a few openings that Jon saw where he could have easily interrupted with a quip or two about his guest but seriousness of the tone that Celestia dragged them in was too thick to penetrate. Instead he remained silent as the crowd applauded her for her selflessness. Every now and again Jon was reminded just how important his friend was.

“I know it’s a bit cliche... but I’m just trying to make my parents proud.” She added. But this time Jon took the opening.

“Making your parents proud huh?” Jon echoed. “Yeeeeeeaaaah. I should probably get around to doing that myself.”

“Jon!” Celestia gasped in the most sincere voice she could find. “How can you say that! I’m sure your mother and father are very proud of you!”

But even as she was saying that Celestia knew she made a phobaux by mentioning Jon’s father but for her sake he didn’t draw attention to it.

“Trust me you don’t know them like I do.” Jon simply countered. “If I told them I was interviewing a Alicorn god from another world they probably just think I was smoking weed again.”

“Well this interview aside... I’m certain when they see you on TV, interviewing other important humans, they feel pride,” She proposed. “Pride that their son has the privilege of influential individuals while asking them intellectual and thought provoking questions.”

Looking in all directions, like a dog that heard a sound humans can’t pick up, Jon began to scan the room before turning back to his guest with a look of doubt on his face.

“What are YOU watching!?” he jested which once again made the audience laugh and his guest look at him with sorry eyes at such a show of self deprecation. “Besides you got it all wrong... my parents don’t even watch the show.”

“Why is that?” she asked wondering if he was telling the truth or once again making light of an otherwise serious issue.

“Because they only watch quality TV Show.” Jon answered, making it clear to Celestia that it was latter. “Besides... at their age they know how to change the channel let alone even turn the TV on.”

“Well, if that really is the case then I feel sorry for them.” Celestia said. “If you don’t mind me... gushing the way I am, but I find this to be a fine program! In fact, it’s my absolute favorite!”

“Yeah you’ve uh... you’ve already said that once before during the... last segment of this program.” Jon pointed out.

“Well that’s because it’s the truth.” she reminded.

“Really?” he scoffed, feining disdain for her answer.

“Of course!” she maintained.

“Well... you must not watch a lot of TV then.” Jon teased as the crowd chuckled. He noticed however that in response to this Celestia had a sneaky look about her, like she knew something he did not.

“Actually Jon what you said is demonstrably not true.” She corrected. “I’m actually quite the avid viewer of programs. Remember... I have been around for quite some time.”

To emphasize leaned forward like she was about to poke Jon with her horn while simultaneously expanding her wings only to quickly bring them back. Jon had gottern her point long before this demonstration but was still astonished by it’s implications that he took a few seconds to respond.

“That’s... that’s right you’ve uh, you’ve-- I forget just how old you are. You may’ve been watchin TV for... possibly longer than anyone in existence.” Jon theorized as he rubbed his chin. “Exactly... how long... uh, have you been watching television.”

Try as she might Celestia could not hide her smile. She way have been the guest of the show as well as an outsider to the human world but now it was time for her to show off her knowledge.

“Long enough to know that, before your stay here at Comedy Central’s ‘The Daily show’ you made multiple appearances on other shows. You used to make regular appearances at HBO, like their standup hour ‘Comedy Cellar’, their sitcom ‘The Larry Sanders Show,’ and ‘Mr. Show with Bob and David. You also appeared on other programs like: ‘The Nanny,’ ‘Newsradio,’ Mr. Show,’ and ‘Spin city.’ You even hosted a few shows other this this one like the cleverly named ‘The Jon Stewart Show,’ ‘ You Wrote It, You Watch It,’ and you’ve even guest hosted ‘the late late show with Tom Synder.’” Celestia listed without ever having to pause and think. Pulling a trick of of Jon’s own repertoire she waited till he was about to say something before continuing. “And before you ask, no, I didn’t look this up before coming on the show... I just have good memory.”

If a fan viewing the interview from home were to tune in right now they could be forgiven for thinking that the interviewing was coming to close, based on how loudly the audience was cheering and applauding it certainly sounded as such.

Even if they had remained silent Jon wouldn't have his usual witty remark loaded and ready to go because this was one of those rare Daily Show moments where the renowned host was stunned silent. Placing a hand over his still gaped mouth he could only marvel at the extensive knowledge Celestia had.

And like a old dried up well that he intended to explore Jon wanted to know just how deep understanding was. But not before taking this moment to poke some fun at himself

“Ah ha! You missed one, little Ms. Smarty hooves!” he responded in a purposely nervous tone while weakling pointing his finger noncommittally. “I... also hosted another Comedy Central show called in the late 90s called ‘short attention span theatre.’”

“Oh goodness your right!” Celestia lightly exclaimed. “I seemed to have forgotten that one.”

“Yeaaaaah... do did everyone else.” Jon responded with a pouty face as he pretended to adjust his notes before immediately parking back up. “But seriously uh... uh, how uh... how long HAVE you been watching TV?”

“Very early in it’s conception.” Celestia answered. “But what you need to understand the first television programs I started to watch were from here in Equestria not your world.”

“Wait really!? So you-- ok uh... help me... get a proper time frame here so I can better understand,” he suggested in an attempt to date her. “So did you guys like... invent the television first then got our programs or like... like how did this come about.

“Actually it was because of your worlds advancement in the concept that lead us to discovering it as well. You see... many years ago scientists from our world picked up these odd signals from beyond our solar system.” Celestia explained to a now confused audeince and host. “We didn’t know what these waves were so what ended up happening was those very same scientists built machines that would be able to pick up these wavelengths so we could identify them.”

“And these transmissions were TV programs from our world?” Jon asked.

“Well... yes and no. It was odd. These podcasts were very scrambled and incoherent to the point where it was inaudible. At times we were shocked to hear transmitted voices but some of them were in a language we couldn't understand. And later we would get images of silhouette shapes, but that was it.” Celestia explained as best she could. “At the time we thought this was some other life form trying to make contact with us but now we know it was your people testing the limitations and capabilities of your newly founded devices. Shortly thereafter our people began to do the same since your podcasts pushed us to invent the our version of the television.”

“Ten bucks says your guys’ TV was powered by magic.” Jon accused with a point of his finger.

A slight bout of silence followed, except for the sound of Celestia using her magic to produce a swanky looking coin purse out of thin air. This confused Jon but soon caused him to laugh uncontrollably when she further used her magic to open it and produce a few golden coins and slide them each to his side of the table.

“They ran on magic.” Celestia confirmed while Jon was still rocking back in his chair. “But yes... after we tried to decipher your test broadcast we went ahead and did the same. This resulted in Equestrian producing this new form entertainment. That’s when I first fell in love with medium.”

“So then... when did you first started... when did Equestrian start getting human programming?” Jon asked, determined to get this particular question answered.

“That would be a few years later. I remember the day it happened too. I and so many other ponies were shocked to see such bizarre creates. Those who worked into getting television to be a regular art form believed that these were from another planet, but for many years the majority of ponies just assumed that these transmissions were simply pony-made TV shows made to look like the mythical humans.” Celestia continued to explain with some audience members looking at each other in amusement at the thought of being ‘mythica.’ “It was later revealed that these signals were from another world but since no one had ever seen a human, and indeed until you no human had ever been to our world, the public just didn’t believe it.”

“Remember when you said not to go easy on you at the start of the interview?” Jon asked which caused the audience to laugh not at his question but at the now increasingly worried look on Celestia’s face.

“Y-yes.” She answered.

“Excellent! So tell me... which programs do you like more?” he asked. “Equestrian or human.”

The audience seemed to share in the pain of the guest as they groaned at how difficult a question that was. The anguished look on her face only deepened when she finally answered.

“You know... it’s times like this that I’m glad our system of royalty is based on lineage rather than a democracy.” She responded.

“Why is that?” Jon asked.

“Because if it wasn’t... I would lose a large amount of votes in the next elected by what I’m about to say.” She answered.

“YES!” Jon exclaimed with a pump of his fist while the audience cheered him on. Her plan of answering the question without a straightforward answer had worked.

“And to all broadcasters, television actors, and even politicians who do public addresses let me just say that I love all deeply. You will always have a place in my heart.” Celestia assured while looking directly at the camera.

“But...” Jon lead.

“But... when I have free time... I do find that I tend to lean more towards human programming that Equestrian.” She painfully admitted. “I’m afraid... it’s been that way since... why since the first time I started watching human TV shows.”

“What I want to know is how come you guys got our TV programs but we didn’t get any of yours?” Jon asked. “Personally I would love to watch a show about a bunch of little ponies.”

“Well... if I had to guess I believe it’s because your race puts more of an emphasis on technology than ours does.” she theorized. “So you're technology allows your signalling to travel much farther than ours. And to be perfectly honest I’m glad our programming doesn’t make it to your world.”

“Now why would you say that?” he asked. “Is it because you're afraid if we knew of another world we’d try to take it over or something.”

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s because I’m the leader of the entire Kingdom from which I hale from.” Celestia reminded. “And as a political satirist I can only imagine how you would have embarrassed me over the years whenever I did something wrong.”

Looking like he was laughing too hard Jon leaned forward to place a hand on her hoof.

“Oh Celestia I would never!” he assured her.

“Yes you would.” She countered.

“Yeah, you’re right. I would have made fun of you so much had I known you existed back in the day .” he admitted as the crowd laughed.. “From... f-from the top of your horn to the end of your tail I would have. From every embarrassing picture ever taken of you to the major decisions you made which directly affected your people I would have... and do you know why?”

As if Jon’s questions took corporeal form Celestia squinted her eyes in his direction.

“Why is that?” she asked.

“Because you are... a very trustworthy person and open person. A person who believes in the goodness in others and... and you see past the evils in the world and focus on the positives .” Jon said which made nodded with a smile. She’d heard braises like this before in her line of work but it really meant something coming from Jon. And then he continued. “Which in my mind... makes you an easy target.”

Rolling her eyes Celestia used her magic to take a sip from her mug of water. She knew she had the time to do this since the crowd was now laughing at her expense.

“And this is why I’m glad you don’t get our news networks.” She said with a playful sigh.

“And like I said you uh, you are the poster child... for pure, unadulterated, benevolence. So I want to see what happens when I slowly chip away at that like I’ve done to so many other political figures.” he continued to joke. “I want to see what happens when I push you over the edge.”

Peaking over her beverage Celestia gave Jon a tilt of the head and a miniscule smile.

“I’d be careful about doing that if I were you, Jon.” She said. “The last pony to ‘push me over the edge ended up on the moon.”

To punctuate herself she shot Jon a wink as she slowly took a swig of her water as the host of the show stood up straight and cleared his throat over the crowd who was almost as stunned silent as him.

“So w-what were we talking about before?” Jon said in forced scared and frantic voice with equal measures of humor as he nervously shuffled his notes. “Ah yes, t-television programming!”

“Yes I believe you asked me about some of the first programs I ever watched.” She reminded. Even though his changing of topic was supposed to be more of a joke than anything else Celestia still thought this was still interesting enough issue to pursue.”

“So um... okay so you guys get our shows but we don’t get yours!” he recounted. “So t-tell me what were... what were uh, some of the first human shows you remember watching?”

“Oh goodness me it seems like only yesterday. But, I remember watching such classics as: ‘Effie and Laura,’ ‘The Television Ghost,’The Disorderly Room,’ ‘Ann and Harold,’... just to name a few.” She answered with Jon giving her a look like she suddenly started speaking a different language altogether. “Surely you’ve heard of these, no?”

“Uh well... I... maybe you can uh... give us-- give some more... modern examples.” he suggested.

“Oh of course! About a decade into television introduction I quite enjoyed shows like: ‘On Stage, Everybody,’ oh ‘Faraway Hill’ was a delightful one...” She continued with Jon remaining steadfast in ignorance for what she was saying. “I used love watching programs like ‘Hour Glass,’ ‘Campus Hoopla,’ and ‘Here's How,’ because with those one really got a good idea of human life.”

Like before Jon just looked onwards in absolute confusion as did almost every guest who watched from inside the studio. One or two of the shows she listed somewhat rang a bell but overall he just felt like he was way out of his league.

“Wow... so this is how it feels like.” he commented.

“How what feels like?” Celestia asked.

“How if feels whenever I have a guest from your world on and they have no idea what Im talking about.” he answered. His confusion was expected and completely understandable, which is why she felt guilty for laughing at his expense. Without waiting for her catch her breathe Jon was back on the subject. “Okay so... so, so, so out of all those shows... your-- which was your... which did you watch the most?”

“You mean from some of the first ones broadcasted?” She questioned.

“Yes. Out of all the uh... all the oldies I guess you can say... which of them did you enjoy watching the most.” he clarified.

“Well, while they were all excellent in their own rights I will say there is one I quite enjoyed more than the others.” she said. “In fact, I remember this particular show was what cemented my love for television. It was my first favorite show. Though in hindsight I must admit... I’m... a little embarrassed to say what it is.”

This, more than anything else, made Jon glad that she was so willing to answer any and all questions.

“Oh! Now I gotta hear this!” Jon beamed.

“It’s... it’s slightly embarrassing because I used to be obsessed with this show. I remember staying up late so I could watch it and having a royal assistant alert me when it was on so I’d never miss an episode.” She said. “But the thing is this show wasn’t meant for me. By which I mean it was a show for kids so I wasn’t the target audience. But I loved it all the same.”

“And that show was?” Jon pushed.

“You might have heard it of it actually since it lasted quite a long time for a show that early in Television’s history.” She said. “It was about a man and a puppet called ‘The Howdy Doody Show.’”

Based on past results Celestia was almost certain that both he and the audience would once again have no idea what she was talking about. But to her surprise a fair amount of audience members had looks of realization on their faces, but none was more evident than Jon.

“Oh! Howdy Doody!” Jon blurted. “I know that show! Heck I love that show.”

“Is that so!” she responded with such enthusiasm her wings fluttered. “Did you watch it when you were a child.” Her question made Jon somewhat offended.

“I’m not THAT old.” he said with a huff. “That’s more my parents generation, not mine. But still I have seen some recordings of it and yeah... pretty funny stuff.”

“I see.” Celestia noted. “Well if you don’t me asking, what were--”

Before she could finish there a bright, though very brief, flash of yellow light above the two; as if Jesus himself was signalling his arrival. What followed was something a single object falling onto the table in between Jon and Celestia.

Due to the nature of this sudden occurrence both of them yelped in surprise. Despite the fact that they both were used to seeing this happen almost on a daily occurrence... in this context however they just didn’t expect it to happen during a showing.

Because of the cylindrical shape of this new object it slowly bounced and rolled its way towards Jon before stopping. It was a parchment which arrived on a wave of green flame and smoke, he had a pretty good idea of where it came from.

Not knowing what to do at the time just Jon stared at the tiny scroll, unlike mail in this world there was no indication of who it was for from it’s exterior. Despite not knowing who it was for Jon was now working under the assumption that it was for Celestia who at this point realized this as well. Slowly, and with a smug look about him, he alternated to looking at it and his guest who, once again, was trying to use her hair to hide her now red face.

“Ahem!” John cleared his throat as he reached down, took the scroll up letter and presented it to her. “I think it’s for you.”

Using the simplest forms of magic Celestia made the parchment hover over to her but not opening it, while the sound of the audience laughing filled the rooms. Without actually looking at it she tilted her head to the side so she could address Jon more direct in an attempt to do damage control.

“My goodness this... isn’t this embarrassing. It would seem Spike forgot I was on television and sent me a letter.” she tried to play out with a chuckle and smile, but the slight wavering tone of her voice told everyone how mortifying this was for her. “I’m... I’m certain t-this is just an accident! Yes, yes that must be it! He probably just mistakenly scorched a random piece of paper to on accident! It certainly wouldn’t be the first time this has happened.”

Without a word Jon just piled on the awkwardness of the situation by just staring at his guest with a look about him as if to say “yeah... sure.”

Using her magic she rotated the parchment in air to get a better idea of where it start and ended. Eventually finding the sport where it was sealed... this elevated her shock expression to that of dread. Jon had noticed this when it had first arrived but now that she had it up close Celestia saw that it had the royal Equestrian insignia stamped on with a wax seal.

“Oh dear,” she sighed with Jon taking a head start on laughing at her. “This is for me.”

“Well... in that case,” Jon said after catching his breath. “Go ahead and read it.”

“Oh well I don’t think--” Celestia tried to counter.

“No really,” he interrupted, remaining intransient. “I insist.”

Using the time spent by the audience laughing at her Celestia carefully, though begrudgingly, broke the seal and unfurled it without at all looking at it. She herself had a good idea of might be written down but at the same time she was determined to try brush this off as not a big deal.

“Well... again I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding! In fact I’m all but certain he has a very reasonable explanation ” Celestia extemporaneously defended once more as she held the now fully exposed letter up to her face like a mirror. Jon was less than convinced. “Trust me I know Spike, and he wouldn't interrupt such an important meeting like this unless it was absoutly important or some kind of emergen...”

Stopping mid way through her interpretation Celestia froze in place. Her body was stiff but her eyes were darting back and forth reading, then re-reading her letter. The look of of disappointment on her face was enough for Jon to preemptively laugh.

“Well...” Jon began. “What does it say.” For a moment it looked like she was about to respond with an attempt to divert from the issue but the look on Jon’s face told her that he wasn’t going to let this go. Defeated Celestia took a deep breathe and read the note word for word.

“It... it says... ‘Dear Princess Celestia... please....” Celestia said trying her hardest to not laugh at herself by holding her breath which only made her more red. “Please don’t forget to tell Jon... I said ‘hi’... love... Spike.’”

With a look of mortification on her face Celestia delicately hovered the scroll closer to herself like she was reading it again but was in fact trying to cover her face. She did this to a chorus of echoing laughter from half the audience and a round of applause from the other half for going through with sharing her mail and being a good sport about it.

This was definitely a case of laughing with rather than at but Celestia was nevertheless ashamed that this happened. Not just because it interrupted something that she had been looking forward to but because this could have potentially caused harm to the integrity if Jon’s show.

“I’m... I’m terribly sorry about this, Jon!” she pleaded. “I don’t... I have no idea why Spike would do this! He’ usually so much more careful about when to send me letters.”

“Oh I know he is,” Jon replied with a devilish smile. “Which is why I asked him to send you that letter during this segment!”

It was at that moment that Celestia lost control. Control over the magic used to keep the letter afloat, control over her forced calm expression which made her jaw drop, and control over 1000s of years of princess training and etiquette that made her the proper and well adjusted leader that she was.

“You what! Jon! How. Could. You. Do that!? She exclaimed, punctuating each statement by swatting his head with her wing in a playful, though frustrated manner. “Good heavens you... you could have told me this sooner!?”

“What, and miss you freaking out over it? Yeah right!” Jon scoffed. “Seriously thought that look on your face was priceless!”

With her cheeks puffed out in frustration Celestia looked like she was about to unload on Jona gain but this time subjected herself to staying put at the laughter from the audience showed no signs of letting up.

As much as she wanted to scold Jon or even get back at him she reminded herself that she was on TV and with that came a certain degree of civility that she was determined to try and maintain for the sake of the show. But she wouldn't forget this either.

“I’ll get you back to this someday, Jon.” she thought as she smiled to herself and shook her head. “Someday.”

“So then... where were we?” Jon said.

“Excuse me.” Celestia said after another deep breath.

“Before we were so... hilariously interrupted.” Jon began with a stifled giggle. “I believe you had a question for me.”

Her eyes were still glaring at Jon every once of her body wanted to revert back to her childhood and tackle Jon into a headlock like she used to do with Luna when they played as kids. But for the sake of her image she decided to play along and salvage whatever dignity she had left.

Tearing her gaze away she tilted her head and tried to think of what they were talking about before the letter arrived. Doing so just made her relieve the embarrassment that had just happened but soon she did remember what she tried to ask.

“Ah yes I... I remember now. I asked you...” She said before pausing for a bit to look up into the sky jokely like she was expecting to be interuppted again. “I believe I asked you about the television programs you watched when you were a child.”

“Ah yes that’s right. Well... to answer your question when I was a kid when I was a kid I mostly watched sitcoms, comedy shows, game shows uh... much like yourself I’d imagine. As for any specific shows... well... off the top of my head I used to watch the Beverly Hillbillies... uh the uh... Bewitched... Oh, I used to love Green Acres!.” Jon listed... pausing a moment to think. While growing up he watched a variety of shows he wanted to list the popular ones so as to not lose any viewers. “My parents got me into I Dream of Jeannie, Little House on the Prairie... and I think one of my first influences as a comedian was watching programs, The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, The Dick Van Dyke Show, The Dean Martin Show, Red Skelton, Hazel, and the Freddie Prinze show. And uh... but I uh... but I also used to love to stay up late to watch some of the more... I guess you could say action shows like the fugitive, the Saint, and the green hornet.... really anything with the world ‘the’ in front of it was for me.”

“Well... would it surprise you if I were to say that I too... watched all those shows that you just listed?” Celsetia asked.

“No! Get out!” Jon proclaimed with a smile on his face he could not hide even if he tried.

“It’s true... I was a big fan of television from around that era I’ll have you know.” She said with a smile that equaled Jon’s. “Charlies angels, Leave it to Beaver, The little Rascals, Hawaii 5.0, The Cosby Show, My Three sons... I watched them all.”

“You know what old show probably made you really confused about our world?” Jon submitted. “Mister Ed.”

“Ah yes the show about a talking horse in the human world.” Celestia recalled fondly. “That did have some ponies scratching their heads... I also watched that show as well.”

“This... this to me is just crazy!” Jon said as he braced himself by by placing both hands on his head. “I keep... I keep thinking... okay, whenever I have a guest from Equestria here and I even mention an old show I liked they give me a blank stare but you... you really know your stuff!”

“I keep telling you Jon I have been around for quite some time... whereas Television has only existed for almost 70 years now. For me seven decades passes in the blink of an eye.” Celestia stated which to Jon sounded more like bragging than anything else. “From I love Lucy and Honeymooners to Seinfeld and Community I’ve watched a fair share of TV shows.”

While and impressed looking Jon nodded his head the audience applauded the guest and even cheered a fair bit at her mention of the last show on her list. There was a point that Jon wanted to lead into by now but he tucked it away for the time being in favor of trying something new.

“Okay, okay... since you fancy yourself a TV connoisseur,” Jon teased with dainty wagging his fingers in the air. “I’m going to give you a pop quiz.”

“At the risk of sounding like... some other pony I know... a pop quiz actually sounds rather lovely.” Celestia chuckled. “I haven’t been given one of these since I was but a mere filly.”

“Alright then! Here we go...” Jon said before clearing his throat and pretending to warm up by stretch his shoulders and trying to crack his knuckles. “Who was... the character added in the final episodes of the Brady Bunch.”

“Cousin Oliver.” Celestia answered almost immediately. Leaving Jon somewhat surprised enough that he took a second to ask another question.

“Um... what was JJ Walker’s catchphrase.” he continued, remaining perfectly quiet to allow her time to think. Though rather than answering in the traditional sense Celestia first clopped her front hooves together whereupon she shifted them to either side of her almost like he was shrugging.

“It was dynamite. Or as he would pronounce it... Dyn-o-mite.” She answered, though much to Jon’s disappointment, not in the traditional tone of voice. “That’s an easy one.”

“Okay, okay!” Jon said looking very impressed “What was... the name... of the boat that the cast of Gilligan's Island crash landed on the Island with?”

This time Jon had her.

Unlike before Celestia actually looked like she was in deep thought, and the laughing from the audience wasn’t helping her in terms of concentration. She certainly knew of the show but it had been awhile and this was a rather specific question. After it was clear that she didn’t know off hand he decided to step in.

“Want a hint?” he offered.

“Please.” she chuckled.

“The name of the boast... is actually in the lyrics of the show’s theme song.” Jon remembered as the last second. This time around Jon could see spark of knowledge within his guest. Thought the fact that she still didn’t answer told him that she needed time time to think. What followed was enough to make Jon break his silence and laugh profusely.

“Okay let’s see now... hmmm.... uh... juuuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale... a tale of a fateful trip... da, da, da, da, da, da, da... aboard this tiny ship...” She sang to herself in a hush and rhythmless tone. In her effort to get this question right she actually began to sing the opening theme song. Jon could hardly breathe. “... The Skipper brave and sure. da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, a three hour tour.... something something...The tiny ship was tossed...If not for the courage of the fearless crew the Minnow wou-- Minnow!... The ships was called Minnow.”

“Very Good!” Jon congratualted while the crowd did the same. “Next question. Name five old western TV shows.”

“Western?” Celestia asked.

“You know... with cowboys and indians and all those things.” Jon elaborated.

“Ah, ah yes of course... well then...” Celestia responded before arching her neck back in thought. “Okay... there was of course Lone Ranger... everypony knows that... and then we have... let’s see here... The Virginians, Wagon Train, Rifleman, and Big Valley... and just for good measure there was also Bonanza.”

Rather than cheering the audience remained silent and were now glaring at Jon to see whether or not she had passed. The way he smiled and shook his head in amazement was all they needed.

“Impressive... okay how bout this!” Jon said before pausing a couple of seconds to think of a new topic. “Name... ten buddy cop shows. Shows that had that Trope of a pairing cops who were also best buds.”

“Goodness where to I even start?” Celestia joked before once again arching her long neck in thought. “Alright let’s see... there was Jake and the fatman, Starsky and Hutch, CHiPs... there was also TJ Hooker, Simon And Simon was a good one... every Law and order ever made in every season. Not too long ago there was one with two women by the name Rizzoli & Isles... and to finish this off I’ll say Sledge Hammer!, Randall and Hopkirk, and Miami Vice.”

Again Jon was impressed to the point of silence. Even he had to admit that, while he himself recognized the shows Celestia had listed, it had been years since he had ever heard anyone talk about them

“Okay last one!” Jon warned without having to wait to think of a new topic. “Name ten no twelve shows that are spin-offs from other programs!”

“Very well then; this should be easy enough. Well not too long ago I mentioned the show Jake and the fatman which in itself was a spin-off from Matlock. That rather intellectual show Frasier was a Spin-off from Cheers... and from that same era there was a show called The Facts of Life which came from another show called Diff'rent Strokes.” Celestia listed efforlessly. “I don’t know if you recall but a long time ago there was a program called ‘Love, American Style’ and from that show we got ‘Happy days’ which itself spawned several spin offs, two of which were ‘Laverne and Shirley’ and ‘Mork and Mindy.’ And ‘All in the family’ gave us both “Maud’ and “The Jeffersons.’ Also, do you recall a show called the ‘Carol Burnett show?’”

“Are you kidding me? I used to love that show!” Jon answered. “Carol Burnett is one of the greats.”

“Well interesting case with her because that show was a sketch show which had a lot of talent both on and off the stage. For example some of talent on that show later went off to make their own show called ‘Mama's Family.’” Celestia continued. “And the people who produced Carol’s show also produced a show called ‘The Tracey Ullman Show’ which featured a cartoon called ‘The Simpsons’ which is the most successful spin-off in TV history; and that show gave us Futurama.. And finally last but certainly not least... ‘the Colbert Report’ was a spin-off of your show ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.’

Upon finishing Jon’s final quiz the audience began to applaud the knowledgeable Princess and her seemingly vast amount of intellect towards the medium of which she devoted so much of her time to. Impressed by how much she knew while at the same time never once faltering, as if she had been practicing for this all her life.

Jon himself marveled as well, not so much at his guests ability to recollect such details but for another reason entirely.

“Okay see... here’s what I don’t understand. You’ve watched all these fantastic shows over uh... over the years... all with great talent too! You got your Sherman Hemsley, your Mary Tyler Moore, your Roger Moore, I mean you... you’ve seen so many fine programs and actors come and go countless times over, following them since the day they first appeared. You probably know more about the medium than I myself.” Jon summarized. “So my question to you is... with all this background... how the hell is this your favorite show?”

His continuing self deprecation was met head on by the crowd once again cheering and applauding. This time feeling like it was more for Jon than Celestia. Although some audience members couldn't help but laugh at both parties expressions of disbelief; Celestia looking the way she did because she was surprised that Jon would say such a thing and Jon himself wondering why she would even like this show at all.

But Celestia knew that this just part of the act so once the crowd stopped cheering enough for them to speak she decided to answer as straight as she could.

“For the most part I just feel like your show, as well as your brand of humor resonates with me like no other show has done before. I realize of course how unsatisfactory of an answer that is but it’s true and I think only recently I know why.” Celestia said with Jon dropping his hands on the table, clasping them together in silence. “Think back to every show I mentioned before. Now then, here’s my pop quiz for you... what do they all have in common.”

“They’re all sitcoms.” Jon answered, not having to think about the question at all as he noticed this about 12 name dropes ago.

“Yes exactly... and you might not know this but those kinds of shows are the only ones we get in Equestria.” Celestia revealed to a now more intrigued Jon who along with the audience had just learned something new.

“You guys... only get sitcoms?” Jon asked sounding only somewhat disbelieving.

“More or less that’s right. We don’t get human news agencies or even live broadcasts of current events.” She further explained. “For some reason the only kind of shows we get are cartoons, sitcoms, series that deal with drama, comedy, or anything of that nature... but never the news.”

“... You are so lucky.” Jon sighed in such a way that made it sound like he was in pain. Both the guest and audience shared a quick chuckle as they were very much au fait with his opinions on modern day news networks. “Okay so... so basically your viewing habits are virtually the same as mine when I was five.”

“Though I’m sure you appreciate that now, as an adult, you have the capacity to enjoy other programs of a more serious nature. Right?” Celestia asked.

“Hell no; being old sucks. If I could stay home all day watching cartoons with my kids I would!” Jon responded, once again resulting in everyone laughing. “See that’s why I love having Maggie and Nathan around. I can watch all the cartoons I watch and I doesn’t look weird. Currently our favorite show to watch is Gravity Falls over on uh, Disney Channel.”

“And the voice actress who plays Mabel on Gravity Falls is Christian Schaal. Who used to be a correspondent on this very show.” Celestia added.

With a mixed look of surprise and being impressed Jon leaned back in his seat and gave his guest a silent nod as the audience briefly cheered as her continuing demonstration of television knowledge.

“Very good. So okay you uh... okay let me ask you this... you-- we already know that you don’t get the news... uh, but uh, what about radio transmissions?” Jon asked. “Before the TV the radio was the goto entertainment device for uh, f-for households.”

“I’m afraid not.” she answered. “For whatever reason it seems TV signals were the only things strong enough make it too Equestria.”

“So that also means you’ve never seen our human movies.” he guessed. “Seeing... seeing as how they’re not broadcasted in theatres.”

“Well... only if we’re lucky and a network plays it several years after it’s shown in theatres of course.” she responded. “

“Too bad.” Jon commented. “There are a lot of great movies out there. And as technology evolves their only getting better.”

“I was tempted to ask if I could go to the cinema before the show but I didn’t want to risk being late.” Celestia admitted.

“Maybe we can do it next time.” Jon offered. “And maybe bring your sister... I know of the perfect movie for her to watch.”

“Oh? What movie would that be?” she asked.

“Why one of the first official films ever made. ‘A trip to the moon.’ BOOM!” Jon roared as he pumped his fists as Celestia winced slightly at having walked straight into that. “BOOM!”

“Shall we get back on the topic at hand?” Celestia asked in a overly professional tone to juxtapose Jon’s silly antics.

“Of course, of course,” Jon said, his smile making it hard for Celestia to not laugh herself. “Now then where were we? Ah yes you guys uh... you only get a certain types of programs.”

“That is correct.” she confirmed. “None of which are news networks.”

“Not even... w-what about sports?” Jon asked.

“Sports aren’t shows so much as they are broadcasted events. So no... no sports.” Celestia said before a devilish smile found it’s way onto her face as an idea took root in her mind. “However... I do know enough about human athletics to admit that my favorite baseball team is the Yankees.”

“SON OF A BITCH!” Jon roared as he slammed his hand on his desk only to sweep his hands across to send his notes flying in the air. Eliciting a wave of laughter from both his audience and guest.

It wasn’t until a small portion of the crowd started to playfully boo her that Jon came back to the interview, though not to her defense.

“Yeah what they said.” Jon agreed pointing to that same group of audience members, making them shift to laughter as a result.

“But yes as I was saying... I think more than anything this is why I like your show the way I do. With no human news program being able to broadcast in my world I, as well as so many other ponies, only had serialized TV shows to get a glimpse of what Human life was like.” she explained. “But your show is different... your program is a parody of the News Agencies. And while ‘the Daily Show’ isn’t the first and by no means will be the last program to draw it’s comedy from political satire and current events I do think it’s the best example in a long, long time. For awhile I watched human programs but at the same time knew very little about what was going on in the real human world. Your show exposed me to all of that and made me laugh in the process.”

For a moment It looked as if the crowd was gearing up for another round of applauding but Jon sensed this and quickly stepped in before it could even elevate past a light cheering.

“You know... I’d argue on how much... uh, on how much validity one can... have for human even solely based on my show. But at the same you are not alone. There are a lot of young people who... literally this their only source of coverage for major events... and that’s sad.” Jon admitted to only to slump slightly in his seat and sport a face of forced depression. “But what’s even more sad is that compared to other... ‘news’ programs out there... well you know my position on modern day news outlets so let’s just say there you could do a lot worse.”

This time Jon allowed his audience to laugh.

“While you may feel that wasy I am being serious when I say that since watching your show I have learned a lot about human culture.” Celestia maintained.

“Well then why not educate yourself by um... I don’t know watching a documentary or something on the History channel or something like that.” Jon suggested.

“We don’t seem to get that either. I’ve only ever heard of that network through other shows making fun of it.” Celestia answered. “For some reason we only get shows are part of a on screen narrative. For our human broadcasting shows the rule of thumb is if it has a laugh track we get it, but if it’s a life broadcasting of an event we don’t.”

“That’s a shame.” he commented. “Because TV played a large role in human history, America’s especially.”

“I know! Trust me Jon I know!” Celestia acknowledged dejectedly. “You’ve seen some pretty miraculous events in human history that I still haven’t viewed.”

“No kidding. I mean you have such historic moments like the uh... t-t-the Kennedy and Nixon Debate, the first presidential debate ever broadcasted that showed how television impacted politics.. Then there’s the uh, then you, you, you have the famous speech where Nixon resigns, first ever in history, and then clip of Nixon leaving in his helicopter.” Jon listed. “Not to mention the famous... Frost/Nixon interview where David Frost got Nixon to admit what he did. And then there was the time where Nixon-- w-what I’m trying to say here is Nixon really made watching TV fun.”

“I’m sure he did,” she chuckled. “Though I was referring to such famous cases like... the Tiananmen Square Protest which gave western audiences a look into foreign affairs for the first time. Or even the falling of the Berlin wall which showed the influence your country had on other around the world. And of course the famous Apollo 11 moon landing and how it demonstrated the advancements of science ”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, those were cool I guess.” Jon admitted in a dismissive tone. “But did you see that episode of ‘Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In’ where Richard Nixon said ‘Sock it to me!?’”

Looking towards the audience as if waiting for them to give her the Okay to continue Celestia took a moment to let out a small tired sigh while simultaneously trying not to shows signs of laughter.

“I... yes I do remember seeing that episode.” She admitted. With Jon awkwardly trying to lean forward and laugh at the same time.

“Listen Celestia I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule just to appear on a show which, let’s face it, you probably won’t even remember 10,000 years from now.” Jon shrugged as his guest looked absolutely shocked that he would say such a thing. Before she could complain he was right back his typical outro. “But hey before you go can you stay five minutes after the show and we’ll just throw the rest up on the web?”

“Jonathan it would be my absolute pleasure!” she answered. “To be honest I can’t believe you’d even have to ask.”

“Oh trust me my friend it’s gonna get much worse from here on out.” Jon warned as he slowly turned to face the audience while still glaring at his guest.

“Wait.. how much worse.” Celestia asked with Jon readying himself to address the audience before turning back.

“Uh... put it this way... there are some jokes I’ve kept especially for the web portion of the interview.” Jon explained. “Because you I wouldn't get away with them on cable.”

For a brief moment the guest actually looked concerned before shaking her head and giving the host a warm smile.

“Well like I said I don’t want any special treatment.” She reminded. “So... please don’t hold back.”

“I’m holding you to that!.” Jon commented before turning once again to the guests. “Princess Celestia everyone! We’ll be right back!”

The crowd jumped to their feets and cheered not just at another chance to witness an Equestrian interview but also for the added bonus that another segment was promised to them. Their screams were so loud and constant that Jon could barely hear himself as he leaned in to whisper something into Celestia’s hear.

Never before had he seen his audience so excited for an interview. Even before asking for her to actually arrive he knew he’d have to make this longer or else risk his own fans turning on him.

As the camera zoomed out and into a higher position the shot of Celetia and Jon could be better seen as the two spoke to each other. Soon both stood up and embraced each other in a hug with Jon almost completely vanishing behind Celestia’s tich wings which were now wrapped around him.

From there less of the two was seen when the Daily Show logo flew on screen from off camera and promptly left the opposite direction. From there would be a series of commercials and then as always the moment of zen. But for those physically in the studio and those willing to check at Daily Show’s website there was still much more to come.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The Daily Show’s main website, which contained recent episodes in their entirety, had a stable viewer rate. With more modern viewers preferring to watch television shows on their computer or smart phones more money had to be issued for hire decent programmers and designers to made this website more appealing. And when the higher ups saw the traffic it got they figured it was a worthwhile enterprise to keep on funding.

And while there were slow days where not a lot of people were looking up old episodes, usually when Jon went on vacation and the show was on temporary break, overall the website had a moderately high amount of viewers.

But every now and again the amount of people visiting the site would skyrocket. This always, always happened when Jon had a popular guest on the show and he managed to convince them to stay after the show for an extended interview that was to be only seen online. When this happened viewers would flock to the extended interview section and those who had invested interest in the website, like those who designed it, those who had ads on it, and those who funded it got to see how high traffic was.

But in the case of Celestia everyone was shocked to find that the number of people who were on the cite was low... the lowest it had ever been. In fact... it was flat out zero. The reason being that Celestia’s interview was being followed by so many people that when it ended and everyone scrambled to to see the rest the entire website crashed as a direct result of heavy traffic.

The very same tech workers who ran and maintained the web page had to work a full 24 hours to make sure it ran smoothly. Further fueling the idea that having this website in the first place was the best investment Comedy Central every made.

As swiftly as it could the Daily Show logo made it presence known by gliding on screen as the camera zoomed in on Jon and Celestia who just moments ago were embracing each other while waving at fans that the interview was over.

Now that the local recording was over the camera’s feed shifted and was ready for the portion that was to be viewed only on the internet. For those watching at home on the computers the tagline directly under the Daily Show’s logo read ‘Exclusive’ which was the tell tale sign that what was to come was the unedited, unfiltered, and extend portion of the interview portion of the show.

Jon couldn’t hardly wait to begin

“So we’re here with Celestia talking about the advancements... i-i-in television and how it’s benefited both humans and ponies in understand the world around us.” Jon stated now turning back to face his guest. “What I find.... uh, incredible... about you is that you’ve been watching our programs for so long... and now that you’ve uh... you, you, you yourself say that you’ve learned a lot... about human culture through programs such as... uh, uh, such as mine.”

“That is very true.” Celestia said. “I’ve been watching this show since the day you took over and I’ve enjoyed your covered of a variety of issues.”

“Well see you-- let me just say this. If that’s the case... how the hell are you still interested in us?” Jon asked as everyone in the room chuckled. “If you seriously got most of your information on humans through my show I would, uh I would... think that you would assume... all humans are greedy, selfish assholes I mean common!”

“You do tend to focus on the harsh realities of the world and I think that more than anything is what makes your program so great. Because you not only hold up a mirror and reflect an aspect of that back at the viewer but you also do it in a comedic way. Which I respect because that takes skill.” Celestia praised with Jon waving his hand at her like what she was saying was no big deal. “And for that I’d like to once personally thank you. “Because it’s through this satirical artform of yours that I’ve learned much about you and your people.”

“You see you-- okay what gets me you act like... l-like you’ve only ever known about humans through my show.” Jon commented. “But really you’ve been watching TV for... I’d say longer than anyone ever in history and my show’s only been around a little over a decade. Before me how did you keep up to date on what was going on in human life?”

“Honestly... we didn’t.” Celestia answered with almost guilty smile. “Our knowledge of human events and culture was and always has been limited to what we saw on television. Sometimes this has proved to be a helpful research tool... and other times... it was just very confusing.”

“So just to recap... you’re telling me that for awhile you and your people learned about human life based solely on what was being broadcasted on TV.” Jon surmised as he adjusted what little notes he still had left. “If that’s the case I’m happy to say... congratulations you're pretty much on level with a majority of American citizens in terms of cultural understanding.”

“Oh Jon!” Celestia moaned as the crowd cheered in agreement. “Don’t say that.”

“Okay I’m... okay if I can be serious for a second here... honestly... and I mean Applejack honestly... I’m glad you uh... made contact with me when you did.” he revealed while pointing at her and then at the camera. “Because had-- if you didn’t...and you continued to piece together what we’re like only through the kinds of shows you guys get... you might’ve thought every human spoke english, every highschooler was in their 20’s, and every one was either a doctor, a cop, or a lawyer.”

The stifled giggle from Celestia echoed throughout the stadium and sounded like a mouse squeaking in the distance. Mostly this was because the remembered thinking not too long ago that shows involving doctors, and police were getting more and more popular as of late. Jon’s observation was right on the money.

“You know it’s funny you should say that. Because before I allowed our two worlds to intertwine I had a fair share of misconceptions about human living.” she admitted bashfully. “For years I saw so many recurring themes and in a number shows I always just assumed that they were truth.”

“I’m uh... almost afraid to ask” Jon admitted, with his smile telling a different story. “If you don’t mind sharing... what are-- what were some of these... misconceptions?”

“Oh well let’s see. Although it may seem silly now, I used to think that it was customary for humans to hang the phone on other without saying ‘good bye.’ and that it was socially expected that overweight males would marry attractive wives .” Celestia answered, feeling slightly embarrassed revealing such errors on her part while Jon just chuckled to himself like a school child. “There was also a point in time where I believed that there was only one school per town... which, in my mind, would explain why the smartest, simplest, richest, and poorest student would be in the same class.”

From this Jon’s chuckling soon exploded to laughter along with his audience. As an actor who had been in both movies and television he had seen these common cliches dozens of times but was so used to it he rarely paid it any mind. But now that he was hearing it from someone outside the medium looking in he realized just how unrealistically hilary they were.

“I’ve also watched a number of action dramas in my time... and from there I was once under the impression that humans had very weak heads. It seemed to me that all it took to completely render a human unconscious would be to strike them on the head no; matter the velocity.” She continued. “That and I also used to suspect that human guns never ran out of ammunition.”

“Let me... let me guess.” Jon joined in the fun. “I bet you also noticed... uh... people never locking their doors. People... uh turning on the TV only... right at the same time that the news channel starts talking about them. The ... the, the, the bad guys attacking the protagonist one at a time... instead of... uh, rather than an all out group attack. Guy never getting fired from his job despite being horrible at it. And the classic no one ever uses the toilet.”

Half the crowd cheered at Jon’s assessment while the other half laughed at the look on Celestia’s face. She looked terribly surprised like Jon had just read her mind. Something which, were it not for the fact that he was a magicless human, she might have considered as a possibility.

“That’s is... simply uncanny!” she commented. “Those are all common occurrences that I myself have noticed time and time again.”

“These are what we in the business call tropes.” Jon revealed. “And trust me you're not the first person, er pony to notice them.”

“On that note I just remembered another... as you call it trope.” Celestia smirked. “I was once under the impression that every human spoke clearly without ever having to pause to think. Because in every show I ever used to watch the actors would speak without falter.”

“Well that’s... see that’s because they’re uh, reading from a script.” Jon interjected.

“Well yes I realize that but since I had never seen a human in person for it was equal odds of that being the case or all humans just had superlative linguistic skills.” Celestia reasoned while trying her best to hid a smile. “But eventually I did realize that this wasn’t the case well before my making contact with your world.”

“Oh really?” Jon pondered out loud. “What uh... w-what made you realize that regular people stutter and trip over their words?”

“Watching you... on this show.” Celestia giggled. Since this was more or less an insult to Jon’s character she tried her best not to laugh at his expense. The audience on the other hand had no such self restraint.

Even if he had a quip worthy enough to to count as come back no one would be able to hear it over the sound of the audience. So to that end Jon fell back on visually making his guest feel guilt by pouting his lip and lowering his head in defeat as if he was about to cry.

The crooked look on his face a mixture of forced saddened look and trying not to burst out laughing. This drew a few viewers into siding with him in the form of pitiful ‘awws’ and, as expected, caused his guest to feel sorry.

“Oh Jon, no! I’m sorry!” She pleaded which only made Jon look away. In truth because he was now hiding his own smile. “I was... I was only being facetious!”

“Eeeeh don’t worry it.” Jon said, immediately shrugging it off like it was nothing... mostly because it was. “I’m-- I’ve known... about my improper speech patterns since day one... its... that’s never going away.”

Relieved that all was well Celestia let out a sigh patterned with slight chuckling while the audience lightly applauded their still intact rapport.

“I would just like to point out that this right here is precisely why I enjoy the medium of television so much,” she pointed out. “You and I come from two completely different worlds but we both understand the the culture and preponderance of the genre that we can adequately deconstruct it all the while teasing each other in the process.”

“You really like TV don’t you.” Jon needlessly commented.

“Yes, very much so.” she answered with a beaming smile. “Especially since it brought us together as friends.” This was something that Jon could not deny. The audience chimed in with a light applause before Jon finished nodding in agreement and spoke up once more.

“Well um... okay how bout this.” Jon began. “Is there anything about TV that you... uh... don’t like”

The pause that followed was spent by Celestia sucking air through her teeth like she was debating whether or not to answer.

“Well, if I’m to be completely honest,” she began. “There is... one thing.”

“Oh this I gotta hear!” Jon proclaimed as she scooted himself forward. The idea of Celestia talking ill of
something he did not want to pass up witnessing.

“I have never really liked commercials.” she answered in a noncommittal tone since to her, it wasn’t that big a deal. Yet it was enough of declaration to get the entire audience on her side.

“You... are not alone!” Jon revealed. “Trust me a lot of people don’t-- I mean our own congress has held discussions over how long commercials can be and when uh... when technology came around to record shows, like TVO and the rest... the uh... the, the, the big seeling point was you can fast forward--”

“Through commercials, yes I know. But when it comes to Equestrian citizens we don’t like them for an entirely different reason.” Celestia interrupted.“ I understand that commercials are just advertisements from companies to show off verious goods and services and that’s perfectly acceptable. But when it comes to Equestria and my people... watching human programs we can’t help but feel like we’re... not the target audience.”

“Sheesh no kidding,” he said. “Though having said that I would love to see a pony try to uh, work out one of those exercise bikes you see advertised at 2 am in the morning.”

“Yes but it’s not just that. Sometimes we ponies will see a commercial for something that we might like and want to try out. Like say for example a certain brand of food, or piece of technology that we don’t have access to yet.” she continued. “But of course the drawback is since we are literally worlds apart we don’t have access to any of these. To us... commercials, at least from your world, is dangling a carrot just out of reach. In many way It’s actually quite... annoying to say the least.”

“Well... I would think you’d be used to it by now.” Jon countered. “What with you uh... since you’ve been watching TV for so long.”

“But see that’s just the thing, commercials, really advertisements in general has changed over the last few decades.” she pointed out. “And not for better I find.”

“At this risk of making you sound like the old man who shoos kids off his lawn,” Jon began. “Are you trying to say that things were a lot better in your day?”

“Okay... if I may I’d like to give an example.” Celestia countered.

“Sure.” Jon acknowledged with a wave of his hand.

“You see... back when I first started watching TV the commercials came about in an hourly rate, only a few would show and would usually last a minute and that was it. They were fairly simple and straight to the point.” Celestia recalled. “Then more time was allowed for these ads to appear between, and more frequently between shows. This made it so that, if a show was an hour long, instead it being 51 minutes it would be 41 minutes. And while I understand the need to advertise your product I don’t quite like the idea of it cutting into program time.”

“You say that but it gave us comedians great stand up material.” Jon said as he turned to his audience, while pretending to hold a mike. “I mean what’s the deal with commercials these day? Seems like what they’re doing has nothing to do with the product they’re selling!”

As if they were playing along the crowd laughed as Jon turned again to Celestia.

“But no I get what you're saying.” Jon admitted.

“Yes though what worries me that more and more we see examples latitude being given to these advertisers in way that directly affects the medium. When I first started watching TV a commercial was about a minute long. Then it turned to 30 seconds then 10 seconds so that more could be crammed in one session.” Celestia explained. “But then investors got greedy. The practice was simple-- there was time set aside for ads, and time set aside for the programs and that was the golden standard. But then all that changed over the years. Now we get these... impatient ads that start the very instant a show is over. The ending of a program is supposed to be a time where the viewer can listen to the outro song and, if they want, look at the credits. But now when a show ends that get’s pushed neglected in favor or more ad time.”

“You mean at the end when the squish the credit sequence off to the side so can’t read the names?” Jon accurately guessed. “Then they play a voice over or a little video describing other shows you should watch so you can't hear the show’s ending themes song?”

“Yes exactly!” Celestia blurted loud enough that she was now quite embarrassed. “Which is not only disrespecting to the creators of the show but the viewers as well.”

“Also when they do this they-- marketers will have another add...at the uh, bottom of the preview video.” he added. “Like it’s-- under the video that’s describing... what’s going to happen next you’ll see something like ‘this preview brought to you by’ and whatever company is paying for it.”

“This is exactly what I... dislike about modern televisions, is that ads are creeping into the actual show more and more with no indication of it being less invasive.” Celestia continued to rant. “Like I’m sure you’ve seen this before but shows nowadays have these little ‘bugs’ in the corner of the screen to let you know what station their on.”

“Oh yeah but that’s just a companies logo. It’s meant to be like... like a branding so if you see this show somewhere else you’ll know where you can find more of it.” Jon defended.

“Yes I understand but at times it get’s in the way of the actual show. It only got worse when bottom screen ads came around which are even more obstructive.” she continued. “I’m sure you’ve experienced these as well. Where you’re watching a program and a little distracting sliding banner appears at the very bottom of the screen. Usually to tell you what’s next or something to that effect. And in some cases they’ll give away too much info and just spoil a major plot point in said upcoming show!”

“You know what’s kinda sad... I’ve actually kinda gotten used to those since they’re so common place,” Jon admitted. “I see them so often now I’ve almost learned to tune them out.”

“But thing is sometimes you can’t because in some cases they’re meant to draw attention as much as possible through bright colors or constant motions. And while I somewhat appreciate marketers putting them at the bottom of the screen to be less intrusive I will say that whatever goodwill is lost if the show has subtitles at the same time it’s happening.” Celestia countered. “ANd while we’re on the subject one of the most annoying trends, at least from the Equestrian is when they push for social media. Almost every example of ad pollution we’ve talked about also does a thing where they’ll advertise a Twitter handle. And for a civilization like ours that doesn’t have the internet this can be very bothersome.”

“I like to...think that as we’re both... uh, ragging on these types of-- these kinds of ad that there’s a little bar at the bottom of the screen telling viewers to stay tuned for the Colbert Report or something like that.” Jon joked, chuckling at the idea with both his friend and audience. “Cause for all our talk... the uh, the guys who run Comedy Central are guilty of doing this as well.”

“Oh I know you guys do. But trust me when I say other networks take it a step further. I’ve seen shows where the actual actors in the show will literally talk about a product during the show. Like they’ll discuss going to a restaurant, or brag about how well a home appliance works with their cellphone.” Celestia said looking almost disgusted by this fact. “For years now they’re these kinds of product placement tactics but the way it’s wedged into the narrative of a show’s story neither clever or believeable. Stopping just short of turning to the camera and endorsing it themselves.”

“You know I hate to stop you right now since you're on a roll but I forgot to mention that this portion of the Daily show’s interview has been brought to you by Arby’s!” Jon announced as he turned to face the camera with Celestia laughing in the background. “Arby’s... yeah I guess it counts as food.”

“Well... I suppose we can cross that one off the list as well.” Celestia jested along with him. “See at least you do it in a comical way.”

“Eh, I try. Okay so... okay so we know you don’t like these but forms of advertising... but is it about about modern television do you... do, do, do you not like the most?” he asked. “Like overall what--”

“Well there is something... now I wouldn't say I dislike it but there has been something I have never understood about television.” Celestia hinted at. “That being for whatever reason blood and violence is perfectly acceptable but sex and nudity isn’t. I’ve especially noticed this among more westerns shows.”

“See now your getting into the issue of censorship. Something which, fans of the show, will know how I feel about.” Jon said. “To a degree I am against it.”

“As am I but but what confuses me is the idea of it at in general. Both sex and violence are inherent in all cultures. So the absence of either makes it less relatable.” Celestia said. “But the way agencies choose to censor what and in what fashion seems completely arbitrary.”

“Oh you have no idea! Trust me as a person who works in television there are so many-- it’s like how you-- I can say ‘ass’ and I can say ‘hole’ but I can’t say ‘asshole.’ Or how some shows are allowed to say ‘god’ and ‘damn’ but I can’t say ‘goddamn.’” Jon listed his examples. “But you’re right when... when you say that we here in America we love our violence while at the same time censoring... lewd depictions. And it’s always been in that way. Back in the day the show ‘I love Lucy’ had her and Danny sleep in separate beds, and then there was Ed Sulivan shows and it’s rule that the camera couldn't show below the waist. And of course people lost their minds when Elvis girated his hips.”

Celestia herself was aware of some of these rules but a few of his examples were new to her and it only cemented her idea that this is was unnecessary.

“What I don’t understand is why would people censor something that’s natural and beautiful, in this case nudity, but then glorify something that a society would try to avoid, like violence.” she pointed out. “While I will admit that it makes for great entertainment these regulations, as you can imagine, have very little impact on those who live in my world. A place where nudity is so commonplace that no one acknowledges it. For example, I’m naked and on television, and I’m certain that this isn’t causing much problems for anyone I’d imagine.”

“Weeeeell... you-- eh, nevermind.” Jon said cutting himself off purposely. Rather than letting it go she took his bait. Just ashe planned.

“What is it?” Celestia asked.

“It’s nothing forget.” he answered, knowing that she wouldn't. A part of him was having seconds thoughts about his new idea of his and had she actually let it go he probably wouldn't have gone through with this.

Her persistence would be her undoing.

“Come now Jonathan you can tell me.” She urged. “I hate to push you on this subject but you’ve got me quite curious.” And judging by how much the crowd was cheering at them she wasn’t the only one.

“Well I... it’s just that I was uh... going to make the point by technically... you aren’t naked.” Jon said motioning towards her head and chest. “You’re still wearing your crown and... whatever the hell that thing is around your neck.”

“Why yes... I suppose I am.” She said now glancing at her wears.

“So before when you said you were naked... that wasn’t true.” Jon continued. “I mean everyone else from your world who's been on my show had been. Come to think of it I think you’re the most dressed person from Equestria ever to appear on my show... except Rarity of course.”

“What... are you implying?” Celestia asked, picking up on his tone.

“Look all I’m saying is that before you were talking about how uh... how you don’t approve of the practice of censoring nudity and even... uh, u-used herself as an example.” he pointed out. “And uh... and not only that... but at the beginning of this interview you... you, you, you were talking about how you were a trying to be a princess of the people... and how you were just like them and yet here you are rolling up in a crown and golden slippers.”

By this point the crowd was already whooping and hollering at what they thought Jon was suggesting. Celesthia herself picked up on this as well but she couldn't quite believe that things had came to this. The only way to know for sure, at least in her mind, was to ask directly.

“Jon,” she began. “Are you trying to get me to take off my clothes on television?”

“I am trying to get you to take your clothes off on television, yes.” he answered so immediately he almost interrupted her. Before she could even raise an objection the crowd was already exploding with waves of cheering superseded by applause directly at her.

As a long time fan of the show she knew that Jon’s greatest tactic was using his audience to his advantage. The sound of hundreds of humans chanting and yelling at you was as persuasive as anything Celestia had experienced back home but somehow to an even greater degree. She had heard stories of how great this kind of peer pressure was but to experience it first hand was a humbling experience.

“Look all I’m saying is... you think there’s nothing wrong with nudity on TV and you say you’re just like everyone else who comes here.” Jon reminded. “So in that case... put your money where your mouth is.”

The continuing cheering almost make it impossible for Celestia to make her mental note to get Jon back for this.

“.... Which should I take off first?” she asked.

“Dealers choice.” Jon responded after the crowd somehow found the will to yell even louder.

Knowing that all her friends, family, and loyal subjects would be watching this Celestia couldn't help but roll her eyes and smile at how she managed to get herself in this situation. But at the same time she couldn't complain. She did ask for Jon to not go easy on her. She just didn’t think he’d take things this far.

Getting up from her seat the crowd watched as he one by one lifted each leg to delicately slide a gilded slipper from her hoof. Each landing with a hard clank but unseen since she was behind the parade section of the desk.

It was only she used her magic to lift her royal chestplate off and over her long neck and onto the desk that people began to once again make whooping noises at her. This only turned to laughter once Jon reached over to try and pick it up and place it around his neck. It didn’t fit and his time spent demonstration this made him miss the part where she used her magic to take her crown off and place it alongside her other royal trinkets.

While the crowd loved every minute of this, and cheered her on every step of the way Jon just found it comical at how different she looked now that she wasn’t wearing anything. These two combined reactions were enough to make Celestia blush and turn to the side to hide her face. She wasn’t embarrassed so much by the fact that she was no naked but by the idea that doing so would gain her so much positive attention. It was definitely something she hadn’t felt before.

“Yes well... I think this adequately proves my commitment.” Celestia finally said with a hairflip. “Shall we get back to the interview.”

“I’ll be honest,” Jon began with his hand covering his mouth to hide his toothy grin. “I didn’t actually think you’d go through with it.”

“Shall we get back to the interview!” Celestia repeated with greater emphasis.

“Okay, okay, okay!” Jon finally acknowledged as he saw how determined she was to both continued and not burst out laughing with him. “Okay so... uh okay.... what I’ve... what I’ve noticed is... you-- I mean between your dislike of current advertising and censorship... it seems like... it almost feels like you don’t like moderns TV shows as much as the ones that say you and I grew up on.”

This was a fair enough observation that Celestia momentarily forgot her revealing position and gave herself time to think on his claims.

“Also earlier in the show when I had you list TV programs... a uh... a lot-- quite a number of them weren’t even from this century.” he continued to point out. “So what is... do you feel that shows were better than they are now.”

“I would have to say... that television shows have only gotten better as time has passed. It’s the way they’re formatted by companies and networks that’s the, I hesitate to say, problem.” she answered as diplomatically as possible while noting how much colder she now felt. “I feel like the upgrade in technology and competitive nature have really elevated the artform. As much as I love the TV shows of old there are modern programs that I love without a second thought.”

“Such as?” Jon asked.

“Well we’ve already adequately discussed my love of this program. And of course your Colleague's own property the Colbert Report holds a place in my heart. Shame he’s leaving it though.” Celestia reminded which made Jon sigh loudly in a jokingly way. “Which reminds me Stephen Colbert is leaving to host ‘The late show’ which is a fantastic idea. But I mention this because I’ve always had a thing for late night talk shows. Talk Shows and Sketch shows have always appealed to me.”

“Oh now you're speaking my language!” Jon interjected. “I grew up watching shows like ‘The late show,’ ‘the tonight show,’... and uh... and I enjoyed watching and drew inspiration from shows like ‘In living color’ and ‘Saturday Night Live.’”

“And, like your show, these programs have a specific format where they address current social and political issues in a satirical way. Which, as we’ve already discussed, I quite enjoy because it means I get to learn more about your people.” she pointed out before a realization washed over her face. “Actually... now that I think about it there is one television program that relatively new and I watch almost everyday. I quite enjoy this particular show because it’s a humours panel show that’s meant to educate as well as as have fun. Like your show I’ve learned a great deal from watching it.”

“A panel shows huh?” Jon commented. “The only ones that spring to mind are shows like ‘Whose line is it anyway,’ ‘Holywood squares,’ and ‘@midnight.’ But I don’t think those are the ones you’re talking about.”

“I’m afraid not and I’m afraid you're in the wrong hemisphere. Think more Eastern than Western,” Celestia hinted, though it only made Jon shake his head in confusion. “Right. Well allow me to just tell you. It’s a show over on the BBC called ‘Quite interesitng’ or ‘QI’ for short”

A few members audiences members cheered at her name drop. Not enough to cause a more proper stir but enough for Jon to look at their direction with continuing looks of confusion and uncertainty.

“I’ve uh... never heard of it.” Jon said almost monotonously.

“Oh! You haven’t! It’s a fantastic show that’s been around since the mid 2000s. The basic premise is there’s a quiz master and four comedians, and sometimes celebrities, much like your standard panel show. Every season is a new letter of the alphabet which determines the theme and the participants win points based on the correct answers or in some cases how funny they’re responses are.” she explained. “You’d love this show because it’s format resembles a classroom. You have the quizmaster as the teacher teaching the children who in this case are the panelists. And I know you were very much a class clown in your youth which is which is why I know you would enjoy this program because the whole idea is that they’ll take this knowledge and exploit as many jokes they can out of it.”

Leaning back in his chair Jon thought it was very interesting how Celestia was selling this show to him. On the surface it sounded like he’d enjoy it but he couldn't help but realize that both he and Celestia might enjoy it for vastly different reasons.

“So you like this show because the stuff they learn about interests you as someone from another world?” he guessed.

“Yes exactly! It’s funny because part of the show’s charm comes from asking the panelists very basic questions that everyone thinks they know and have them completely get them wrong. Like they’ll ask them what Olympic gold medals are made of, or how many states are there in America” Celestia continued. “And to me it’s endearing to know that in the case of some ideas I’m on the same level intellectually as some of theses humans.”

“If uh... if these-- I mean if this show is so great in terms of teaching you why did it take you until recently to watch it?” Jon asked.

“Well... simply put it’s because while I am learning new things in the end most of what I’ve learned is quite useless to me.” she explained. “Here I’ll give you an example... this is the kind of show where... say they’ll ask you how electricity was discovered. And later they’ll reveal that the Benjamin Franklin got drunk on whisky and instead of a key tied to the end of a kite he used a live mouse and--”

“Wait... did... is that how it really happened?”

“No, no, no, no, no not at all! Well I mean I actually have no idea one way or the other.” she confessed. “But what I’m trying to get across is that this is show lives on new discoveries from preexisting ideas. So on any given show they’ll reveal that this person is the actual one who invented this item, while he was vacationing in this place during the something age of humanity. Which is enlightening but--”

“But since you don't’ know who or what any of these things are it’s ultimately meaningless.” Jon interjected.

“Yes exactly! Without a preexisting frame of reference I can’t properly appreciate this new found knowledge. This is why I put off watching it for so long. But now that I’ve started watching their backlog I find myself quite enthralled.” Celestia chimed. “Aside from learning new things it’s always enjoyable to watch the show degress to grown men and women acting like children as they tease and poke fun at each other”

“Okay so tell us... your-- share with us something you’ve learned from watching this show.” he challenged. “What’s interesting facts have you learned about us since you uh... first started watching ‘QI?’”

For a moment everything regarding the show dried up in Celestia head. Jon recognized this look, it was the same he saw from comedians whenever someone asked them to tell a joke without proper context. But quick on her hooves Celestia quickly responded.

“Well for example I learned that in 2010 a new species of cricket found in Austria that had been around for over a 1000 years.” she recounted. “But the reason no human ever discovered it was because it was so well camouflaged.”

Some of the audience members found this bit of information intriguing enough, as evident by their whispering among themselves. Jon felt the same but he was determined things and light hearted as possible. Which was just his excuse for continuing to tease Celestia.

“And as speaking honestly here... how often does that come up in your line of work?” he asked gaining nothing but laughter from all in response. “How often do you Celestia, god of your world and ruler of all that your survey... how-- when do you ever say to yourself ‘Communications with other kingdoms have gone south and our army is in disarray... Think! Think Celestia what would the australian cricket do at a time like this!?’”

“If I’m to be honest,” Celestia chuckled after a desperate sigh of breathe. “Not very much.”

“Well nevertheless this program does, as the it’s title suggest, seem to be quite interesting,” Jon admitted. “Perhaps I’ll give it a looking at sometime.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard of it before,” Celestia said, almost sounding dissapointed. “It’s a very popular show in the UK with, from what I understand, a roster of famous individuals.”

“If you-- if you’re seriously asking why an American isn’t culturally aware of what’s going on in other countries than... you really don’t know us very well.” he jested. “But I will say this... your description of the show DOES sound kinda familiar. I may not be the best with names but I never forget a face. If you were to show me who... uh, I mean what the stage set... of the show looks like I would know right away if I’ve seen it or not.”

“Actually...” Celestia began. “What if I told you I can.”

The nervous look on Jon’s face wasn’t from her suggestion which seemed harmless enough. It was the way she was now looking and smiling at him like she was about to do something wrong.

“What uh... what are talking about?” he asked.

“No need to be nervous, Jon.” Celestia suggested, the mere fact that she just avoided the question already doing that on her behalf. “I’m simply suggesting that I show you what the QI set looks like.”

“Oh uh... alright then.” he agreed to. “Is this like uh... is this like with Celestia only instead of observing my memories you’ll implant some.”

“Hmmmm not quite.” she chimed. “I actually have something... a bit more intricate. Shall I demonstrate?”

Between the two of them there was a bond of absolute trust. Even now Jon was slightly hesitant but the fact that it was Celestia sitting in front of him quelched any uncertainty on his part.

“Uuuuh yeah sure... g-go ahead.” he managed to say as he jokingly braced himself by grabbing onto his desk with both hands and shutting his eyes. Little did he realize just how necessary this preparation was.

Had Jon’s eyes been open he would have been hit face first with a stunning blast of light which wouldn't have phased him too much by this point since blinding illumination was bar for the course when dealing with magic. But even he would not have been able to keep his eyes open by what came next, in the form of a strong gust of wind currently colliding with his face.

This powerful flow of air came from Celestia but for some audiences, who were also started to feel it’s chilling effects, noted that it wasn’t coming from her wings but almost from her horn. After several seconds the explosion of senses that surrounded Jon eventually stopped leaving him wondering what just happened.

The confusion only deepened when he opened his eyes to find that instead of Celestia he was now looking directly at the audience. Not at all uncommon for his show but the fact that he was no longer on his own show which got him uncharacteristically silent.

Working at the Daily Show for as long as he did meant that he knew the place inside and out, backwards and forward. And while this new location had all the amenities of a TV set, completel with stage, cameras, and an audience in rows of bleachers, this wasn’t his show. There were slight changes in small details that told him that but the biggest sign was the fact that he was no longer on his desk but rather some kind of semi-circled desk that dipped onto the floor with two chairs on each side, and a middle one which he currently occupied.

It didn’t take very long before Jon looked to his right to see the only one person occupying a seat. It was Celestia sitting at the one closest to him.

“Uh... Celestia,” he began. “Wh-wh-wha... what is all this?”

“Just a spell a cooked up,” she answered pointing behind him. “Do you remember now?”

Whatever kind of spell this was it was apparently intricate enough to replace Jon’s blue note papers with note cards. This didn't help him anymore than what was currently in front of him. So to move things along, as well as quench his increasing levels of curiosity Jon followed Celestia’s hoof where he was met with a wall that had what looked like a multi-layered bulls eye attached to the wall.

Each circle decorated with a surface of strange writing till it got to the center; which contained a logo. She couldn't see from this angle, since he had his back to her, but narrowed as he studied the centerpiece only to light up when he finally made the connection. Celestia now knew this was the case when he reeled back and almost tripped over his chair in shock; shock brought on not by the realization of where he now was.

“Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I know this place!” he confirmed which was enough to make Celestia light up the room, sending everyone back to New York. Jon was about to speak when the sudden shift in scenery caused him to falter before again speaking. “I remember now! That was the QI set! Yeah...y-yeah now I remember! I-- yes I have watched that show before! It’s hosted by Stephen Fry! I knew that uh... that set seemed familiar!”

“Glad I could help you with your recollection.” Celestia chuckled.

“You... wait so... wait-- does that mean... does that mean we all were uh... we’re all just... there?” Jon tried to ask. “I mean we’re we really, for a moment at least, in England? Or what that... or was that like... s-s-some kind of illusion.”

Purposefully Celestia avoided the question by taking a sip of water which hid her grin.

“That... is my little secret.” she whispered just loud enough so everyone could hear her. “But putting that aside who would you say is your favorite recurring guest on the show?”

The look on Celestia’s face was one of a fan. Her giddied smile and inability to stay still, anxious to share preferences made it obvious. Which made Jon feel all the more worse for what he was about to do.

“Well uh... actually I uh... I wouldn't really consider myself a fan persay,” he confessed which visibly made his own guest disappointed. “I’ve only watched maybe a couple of episodes. I’m not a devoted follower like you seem to be.”

“Oh dea,” she pretend pouted. “Well that is a rather shame.”

“ To be honest I only ever uh... r-really watched it the first time around... because believe it or not,” he continued. “There was-- one of our correspondents actually made an appearance there once and I tuned in to support him.”

“Is that so?” Celestia responded sounding genuinely surprised. “I wasn’t aware of... hm; interesting. Do tell who was it.” She was moments away from getting her answer when Jon stopped himself mid syllable.

“Actually, you know what? Let’s have some fun with this.” he suggested. “Why don’t you try to guess? Go one give it a try.” This sudden playful side of Jon the kind of tone she loved to see on his show. So one could imagine how she must have felt now that it was being applied to her.

“Well alright then why not!” she beamed as she used her inference skills to pick the right answer. This meant recalling when both shows were first active and which of Jon’s employees were around at the time. “Well.. given the time period in which you both were airing... I would say the most logical choice would be... Jon Oliver since he his of course a former correspondent and is British, as is the case with most actors who appear on the BCC.”

“Hm, not bad! That’s some pretty impressive critical thinking skills ya go there, Princess.” Jon complemented with Celestia almost looking proud of herself. “But... if this was QI this’d be the part where the sirens would be going off because I’m afraid you're wrong.”

Since she wasn’t 100% of her answer Celestia knew there was a chance that she would be wrong. So upon hearing that she got the wrong answer she wasn’t surprised, a tad bit disappointed in herself, but not surprised.

“But you are in right neighborhood.” he hinted. “Think more american. Also you are very close when you said John Oliver.”

The extra emphasis was enough to give it away.

“John Hodgeman?” she accurately guessed. “Your deranged millionaire correspondent?”

“Correct! He appeared on the show in the late 2000’s if I recall. What’s... w-what’s funny was that uh... he was invited on a fifth guest when they usually have four.” Jon began trying to hold back his laughter. “So... so instead of having his own buzzer they uh, they gave him a duck calling whistle to use whenever he wanted to answer a question.”

The more they talked about it the more both parties were starting to recall the episode in question.

“I uh... I also remember that the show uh... they give out points and he-- I remember he actually won that day! It was his first and only appearance on the show and he won.” Jon now recounted. “But I remember now very clearly... he only won because everyone else had negative points!”

After this little reveal Jon took a second to laugh at this own recollection with Celestia debating whether she would explain to him, in detail, that the points system on that show were not an exact science. And how winning wasn’t much of an accomplishment overall but in the end she decided to keep that to himself.

“Yes I remember now-- that was a rather good episode. I was getting my shows mixed up however. John Oliver didn’t appear on ‘QI’ he actually made an appearance on ‘Mock the week,’” Celestia remembered. “Which is hosted by Dara Ó Briain who is a recurring guest on ‘QI’... that’s where I was getting confused.” The look of confusion on Jon’s face was impossible to ignore.

“Uh... huh?” Jon responded. “‘Mock the week?’”

“Yes. It’s another comedy panel show on the BBC. You see on the BBC network there are a lot of comedy actors that go back and forth between these kinds of shows.” she explained. “Dara Ó Briain was on both ‘QI’ and “Mock the week’ as was ‘David Mitchell’ who also appeared on ‘8 out of 10 cats’ which is hosted by Jimmy Carr. And he of course also appears quite frequently on ‘QI’ and has made appearances in ‘Have I got news for you’ and ‘Would I lie to you?’”

“I uh... no I don’t think you would like to me.” Jon answered.

“Oh, no Jon that’s the name of the show.” she clarified which made Jon jokingly shake his head like he just got out of the shower.

“Okay you lost me.” he stated.

“Oh I am sorry. It’s a bit tricky but yes, all of these actors I’ve mentioned have crossed over to each others shows but in the end all roads lead to ‘QI.’” she continued. “It’s quite easy to remember them since they like to lend their talent to wide range of programming.”

“Wow... you really know your uh... your British shows.” Jon noticed. “Do you uh... do you watch the BBC like... everyday or something.”

“Hm, not so much anymore since all they ever show is ‘Top Gear.’” she answered with Jon looking, once again perplexed. “It’s a BBC show about cars which I do not care for. If there’s one thing I can’t bring myself to be interested in is human automobiles. It’s hard when I know nothing about them. But yes I do love my British television shows. I find their sense of humor... intellectually charming.”

“What! You saying american shows ain't classy like they are!?” Jon accused in a broad New York accent before pretending to hock a loogie underneath his desk.

“No. That’s not what I’m saying.” she smiled. “But you can’t deny that their brand of humor is very different than here in the west. British comedy is more dry and clever but at the same time satirical in a quirky way only found across the channel.”

“I repeat... You saying american shows ain't classy like they are!?” Jon echoed still in character. “You saying we ain’t smart like them fruity queen worshipers! Do we not amuse you!? Do we not make you laugh!?”

“No! I’m just saying I enjoy different forms of comedy.” She maintained. “Besides I know for a fact that you love and were inspired by shows like “Benny Hill’ and the ‘Monty Python’ troupe.”

“Grrr, okay you have me there!” he conceded. “Wait hold on... you watched Benny Hill.”

“Of course! Half the time I never understood what he was talking about since I knew very little about life in the UK. But at all other times I used to enjoy listening to his musical numbers and his silent sketches where he relied on slapstick.” she explained. “Oh I used to get such a laugh out of him. To me his was a funny little man who always got himself into trouble, especially when he was trying to connect with the ladies.”

“Ya know I think you would have liked him,” Jon commented. “He also loved watching television. He was a dyed-in-wool TV viewer.”

“Is that right?” Celestia asked in a chipper tone of voice.

“Yep. so much so in fact that he actually died watching TV.” he added.

“Ooooh Jon! I don’t want to hear that!” Celestia moaned in a way that just made her look adorable. Whether or not she was being serious Jon decided to move on.

“Oh uh... sorry... uh so! What other British shows do you uh, do you like?” Jon asked.

“Well... apart from what I’ve already mentioned there are a few others. I’ve always been a fan of ‘Little Britain’ and ‘Are you being served’... and of course sketch shows like ‘The Mighty Boosh’ and ‘Big train.’” She listed with Jon leaning back like each name drop was pushing him away. “Oh! And of course there’s ‘Reeves and Mortimer,’ ‘Black Books,’ ‘Father Ted’ I quite liked those ones. Let’s see... I of course watched ‘Red Dwarf’ and ‘Blackadder,’ they were classics. But I also would tune in to watch ‘Only fools and horses,’Fawlty towers,’ ‘The young ones,’ and ‘Peep Show.’”

“Uh... yeah you lost me again.” Jon commented with both hands over his head like he was having a brain freeze.

“Those are all British shows.” Celestia rebuttled.

“Yeah I got that.” Jon said. “Do you watch any that maybe that... I know of?”

“Actually I’m all but certain you’ve heard of ‘IT Crowd’ and ‘The office.” She answered.

“Ooooh now this is what I'm talking about!” Jon declared. “Those shows are fantastic! Especially ‘The office’ which, as you know, got an American reboot which had Michael Scott as the main character who was--”

“Who was played by Steve Carell,” Celestia interrupted. “Former correspondent of your show.”

“Exactly!” Jon said. “And that show, the original and remake respectively, were pioneers in the world of television because they both got rid of the laugh track in favor of a documentary style format. They basically changed television a bit when they made a new genre called ‘Mockumentary.’”

“That’s true,” she concurred. “And because of them we have shows like--”

Stopping mid sentence Celestia slammed her hoof on the table which frightened Jon so much the rest of his papers flew off the desk.

“OH! I just remembered something!” she proclaimed. “I just remembered something I forgot to tell you!”

“Okay, easy there Dory,” Jon said. “What’s-- what are you talking about?” It took her a few seconds steady breaths to calm herself down enough to speak. She seemed very eager to continue.

“I was simply... overcome by the realization that I had forgotten to tell you something.” She repeated. “Earlier you suggested that I prefered older shows to newer ones then asked me to name some programs from this era that appealed to me. Well as it so happens our current discussion reminded me of one.”

“And that would be?” Jon achologed.

“Well if you’ll recall we were talking about how ‘the office’ paved the way for other sitcoms to also take advantage of the ‘mockumentary’ style that it created. Well as it so happens there’s a fairly new program on TV that uses this format which I find I enjoy watching more than the average show..” Celestia explained. “I am unsure if you’ve ever heard of it but it’s called ‘Modern Family.’”

“Oh yeah I’ve uh, I’ve heard of t-that show. Airs on ABC, produced by Christopher Lloyd among other people, takes place in L.A....I-- yeah I’ve heard of it.” Jon answered. “Great program, really funny episodes and great writing.”

“Yes I completely agree.” Celestia commented. “I remember when the show first came out in 2009... I immediately fell in love with it.”

“I’m going to uh... I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark here and say that you... uh, the reason why you like this show is because you find it interesting to see how human families are like,” he speculated. “Like how... like how you watch my show to learn what’s going on newswise you watch this show to learn about the uh... dynamic of the human family or something like that.”

Jon’s speculation in turn was met with a light showering of laughter from the audience. Even Celestia chuckled at how his explanation made her, by contrast, sound incredibly boring.

“No actually I-- well to be honest I’ve been watching TV since before you born Jon. Trust me I don’t think watching another family based sitcom now would teach me anything new.” She answered in a not so convincingly joking tone. “But getting back I do your question... while I will admit there is something to be said for this show and how it’s portrays the families, which I will get to in a minute, I just find this particular program incredibly funny!”

Her answer was simple enough for Jon to be impressed.

“I find the it to be very clever with it’s writing, direction, and cognitive faculties. And even though it’s a show everything they do I find believeable.” Celestia said. “When I watch it I never feel as though I need to have a willing suspension of disbelief to enjoy it. But overall I think it’s comedic value is attributed to it’s impressive cast of characters.”

“Oh I agree. That show-- I’ve actually had a few of the uh... of, of, of it’s actors on my show as guest and let me tell ya that prgram has an all star line up going for it.” Jon added. “You got uh... you got, Sofía Vergara, Ty Burrell... OH, and of course it has the great Ed O'Neill”

“For me though a show such as this basically lives or dies on it’s range of actors, but with ‘Modern Family’ it finds a way of balancing over 10 main characters and it does it so well! It’s the kind of show where there’s at least one person you can relate to.”

“And who do you relate to?” Jon asked. “Which of the fine characters of ‘Modern Family’ does Celestia, Princess of Equestria, most find herself to be like?”

“Well... if I’m to be perfectly honest,” she began. “I would see it would be Ed O'Neill’s character Jay Pritchett.”

“Wait... Ed O’Neill? That’s the guy you most relate to!?” Jon said in the most disbelievingly tone he could muster. “The guy that-- the guy who used to play the role of Al Bundy... the quintessential every husband, the living embodiment of the average male who would sit on his couch watching TV with... with, with, with one hand down the front of his pants... a-a-and the other around a can of beer while ignoring his wife... THAT’S the guy you most relate to in the show!?”

“In the context of the actual show yes because as you know he plays the role of Jay Pritchett, and elderly gentleman who marries a much younger woman. Younger than his own daughter in fact,” she pointed out. “And I bring this up because if you’ll recall back towards the start of our little interview you asked why I wasn’t s Queen and I answered by saying because I’ve never been married.”

That was actually one question Jon wanted to ask the most so of course he did recall. He was also starting to see where she was going with this.

“So having said that if somewhere down the line I were to get engaged with a very special somepony there is a high probability that whoever they are they would be much younger than me.” she contiuned. “And in that instance I would be very much like Mr. O’Neill... I certainly know how it feels to be an older individual among a much younger group.”

“You and me both,” Jon sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck like he was sore. “What else do find... do you think that does well.”

“Ah, this is what I wanted to get to the heart of. So as you know this show does the ‘this is what I learned’ at the end of the episdoe cliche which I actually really like. I enjoy it when a program has a positive message about a given situation and this one is no exception.” she explained. “But personally I think the best life lesson that this show has to offer is it’s format and the very fact that it exists.”

“I don’t understand.” Jon commented.

“Allow me to explain... this show is called ‘Modern Family,’ correct?” she continued.

“Yes.” Jon answered.

“And that’s my point. Modern... it’s a modern family. The makers of this show are basically saying that these actors are portraying what a normal, loving, and everyday family looks like. I like this because one of the family is a same sex couple with an adopted child.” Celestia explained with Jon nodding his head as he was now getting what she was talking about. “I may not know everything about human life but I do know that in your world equal rights hasn’t been fully given to homosexuals and I find that reprehensible. If this show were to take place 40 years ago I would be praising it for having a mixed race couple. Of course if this show did come out back then it probably wouldn’t even make it past the pilot since, as we’ve established, it portrays a same sex couple in union.”

“True,” Jon was forced to admit. “But things ARE getting better.”

“I know they are! And I believe that one day humans will look back on this point in time and wonder how something like basic human rights not being equally applied to someone just because of sexual orientation could ever happen,” Celestia predicted. “But for now that is sadly the world we live in. And for this show to come out and depict a loving and respectable gay couple under the banner of a ‘modern family’ well... I just find that so beautiful.”

“Whoa.” Jon said, surprised that he even able to say, with his hand now over his mouth to hide his shocked expression. This was roughly as articulate as he could be at the time, so to help the crowd applauded and began to cheer as loudly as possible on his behalf.

Celestia was still not used to this kind of praise, the kind where she’d get massive amounts of adoration over the simplest of things. Back home she’d have her own Equestrian audience cheer her on as she made the sun rise over the entire earth but here in the human world her words alone were enough to generate such excitement.

As culturally different as it was she was no fool. She understood that her position on such an issue was the more liberal and forward thinking view, which coincided with the general audience found at the Daily Show. So for her to sit there and express herself the way she did it wasn’t unusual for her to get such a positive reaction. Though a part of her felt that perhaps the humans of earth were, to a degree, too easily pleased.

Even with Jon still covering his mouth she could tell that he was the same way. Only in his case he was morally impressed. He loved how she could at something like a simple TV show and see the good within it.

“See this... this is what I like about you, Celestia.” Jon was finally able to say over the still roaring crowd. “You’re different.”

“Different how!” she laughed as she did not see that coming.

“It’s just that... well to put it simply you are a very... uh, very a very kind, and thoughtful person. You are, without a doubt, perhaps the most... wholesum, altruism, and sympathetic creatures in existence without a single hateful bone in her body.” Jon described which made Celestia blush slightly. “You're the type of person I find that will not rest till everyone is as safe and well to do as you yourself.”

“Oh stop it!” she responded.

“No it’s true! You are all of that and more and... and I feel-- to me that’s just so refreshing. The idea that you... just... I come on this program almost everyday and I find myself during a monologue where I... ‘report’ on how someone in a position of power had abused the system to benefit themselves. Whether it be a politician, a banker, or the owner of a sports team. And here you are... showing me that there is still good left in in both this and other worlds.” Jon praised which only made his audience voice their encouragement once again. “Also uh... take into consideration that in our world... a monarchy isn’t-- they’re looked at in a negative light. This is why democracy is the favored form of government in most developed countries.”

“Yes, we discussed this earlier if I recall,” Celestia added. “Breaking away from the monarchy is how your country came to be.”

“Yes but it’s not just us! I mean yes the west generally has a negative view on royalty but historically speaking... I think most people don’t like the idea of a single person ruling over everyone else. More often than not that kind of power and authority can corrupt a person. ” Jon continued. “You hear all these stories of past Kings rising to power by killing the previous one or engaging in crusades either against another monarchy or even on their own people just so they can stay in power.”

“You made it sound as if every human member of royalty ever conceived is ticking time bomb.” Celetia countered.

“Well... I’m sure if we were to take the sum of all historical examples I’m sure there would be more exceptions to the rule but you can’t deny that we’ve had some pretty awful monarchs in our time.” he maintained. “Even in your world there’s examples of this. Queen Chrysalis... King Sombra... those guys were high ranking monarchies and they were dicks.”

“Speaking as a Princess I’ve met with Kings, Queens, chancellors, and a variety of world leaders from all over my world.” she said in a joking ‘I’ll have you know’ tone. “And most, if not all of them, have been rather lovely.”

“Yeah but that’s you and your world. LIke I said you're different... but here in the human world we have countless examples of horrible world leaders. I mean you uh, you have King Charles the second I think who... who had a massive slave trade. And of course King George the third oppressed us so bad we went and made our own country just to get away from... from his. I think it King James the something who killed a large percentage of his kingdom’s population because he thought they were uh, witches. And don’t even get me started on King Joffrey!” Jon joked before a realization took over him. “Oh! But I think... my... uh, the best example of a corrupt King would be the infamous... uh, King... Henry the 8th! Yeah, that guy was a piece of work.”

“And what did he do that was so distageful?” Celestia asked.

“Well aside from the usual stuff like evil king stuff like invading france, keeping the lower class poor but himself rich, invading france a second but aside from all that time this guy... get this, this guy... was so high and mighty that he literally... had a servant whose only job was to whip his ass after he was done using the toilet.” Jon revealed which got mixed reactions from the audience, some laughing and other voicing their displeasure as the image now in their heads.

“Goodness that’s... that’s terrible!” Celestia said, her face scrunched in protest at the mere idea.

“I know right! But most of all this is the guy who was most famously remembered for... for-- what he did was he wanted to divorce his wife but... b-b-but couldn't because it was against the countries religious teachings. So when no priest would allow him a separation he created his own church where divorce was acceptable.” he continued. “And speaking of royal types wanted to get divorces... I’m reminded of a case involving a royal couple who wanted a separation. And it happened not to long ago either, it was in this century I believe.”

“Really? Who were they?” Celestia asked.

“Uuummmm... hm, I can’t remember but uh... but basically the gist of it was these two wanted to get a divorce and basically because the the husband was the member of the immediate royal family he didn’t-- he basically got everything out of the divorce and didn’t have to any alimony or something to that effect. Jon summarized. “The reason for this being is-- so basically these two lived in a country where it was... it was illegal to criticize the royal family or talk bad about them. So during the deposition the wife couldn't win no matter what she did... because anything she said against him would’ve been illegal you see.”

“Oh that’s just terrible!” Celestia gasped. “I can understand if a relationship doesn’t work anymore but to use your position as leader to to undermine and take advantage of your former spouse is... that’s just despicable!”

“Yeah it was one of those situations where she was screwed if she did and screwed if she didn’t,” Jon agreed. “Kinda like the ‘small penis defense.’”

Her expression of incredulous distain now shifted to that of shock and disbelief. Staying on topic was hard with Jon being so good with non sequiturs.

“I-I’m sorry?” Celestia said with a shake of her head. “The... t-the what?”

“The ‘small penis defense,’” Jon repeated like it was no big deal. “It’s uh... it’s basically this old lawyers joke where-- here let me uh... let me give you an example. Okay let’s say you had a penis--”

The look on Celestia’s face was one of such astonishment that she almost looked traumatized. This, along with the question being presented to her, had already kick started the audience’s laughter. Though the guest of the evening was far too shocked by the original questions to even notice.

When the crowd did eventually calm themselves Jonw waited to see if she would respond. Her mouth moved but not words could escape. But just when it looked like she was about to say something he continued.

“Anyway as I was saying... let’s say you had a penis... and I made the claim that it was small. The small ‘Small penis’ basically means you can’t-- that no matter what you do you can’t win.” Jon explained, trying even harder to suppress his laughter. “According... according to the joke if you don’t sue me for slander that’s basically a tasid admission that you do have a small penis but if you do sue me you-- the burden of proof would then be on you and you’d basically have to show your penis to prove I was lying. Oh but don’t worry, we’re friends so I won’t say that.”

And like before Jon didn’t have a response. This time she had recovered from the initial shock that she could have retorted but the explosion of laughter being directed at her prevented her from speaking. She didn’t even try to talk over them so instead she did the only thing she could and joined him.

Looking forward and to his left Jon debated whether it would be wise to end this historic interview on a penis joke. He didn’t even give it a second thought as he took a deep breathe to yell over eveyrone else.

“Celestia I... I just wanted to say how much... I appreciate you coming here today! You are a very good friend of the show so, so, to have you here means the world to me!” Jon said as he reached over for a handshake. “You were an absolute delight, a good sport all around, and just-- words can not... even come close to describing how much I will cherish the fact... that you, the god of an entire other world would take time out of you busy... uh, life to talk to me, some guy from New Jersey, here on my on my show! I... again words can’t describe.”

“Jon it was my absolute pleasure!” Celestia announced back as she returned the gesture by extending her wing behind back and just around his shoulder. “To be honest, I’m surprised it took you this long to ask me!”

“Well let me just say this... from the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of the great City of New York I just want to say you’re always welcome here. And thank for not only unifying our two worlds but for continuing to be a shining example of how, as a leader, the way to connect to the people isn’t through power... but through friendship.” Jon praised before pretending to speak to her in private. “That and uh... between you and me, I feel sorry for the next pony I end up interviewing... because it’s going to be hard to top this one.”

After a quick bout of laughter from everyone including himself Jon turned to point at the camera directly in front of him.

“Princess Celestia everybody!” Jon announced as the crowd readied themselves for a proper sendoff . “We’ll be right--”

“Actually Jon... before we conclude,” Celestia interrupted. “There is one last thing I would like to address”

Turning now to face his guest once more he couldn't help but notice the now creeping smile on her face. But while Celestia smiling was in itself a typical recurring trait of hers he also couldn't help but notice how it made her look like she was up to something.

“Before I we end the program and I return to my kingdom... I would like to give you something.” she continued as she used her magic to spawn what looked like a scaled down version of the ark of the covenant from Indiana Jones franchise onto the desk. “Just a little present from me to you.”

The burst of magic that brought this gift into existence forced Jon to briefly shield eyes, but it was it’s actual existence that made him continue to cover his face. This box was by all accounts made of solid gold, based on how loudly it trunked onto his desk. It was also encrusted with jewels that he suspected were Equestrian only natives, which made the glare coming off the stage lights all the more intense.

It was locked but the key, which was also made of gold, was already placed inside waiting to be turned. Regardless of it’s content Jon on already knew he was going to repurpose it as a jewelry box for his wife or at the very least a desk curio. But before he could even think about what to do with it there was still the matter of what was inside, and even before that he wanted to state the obvious.

“So let me get this straight,” Jon said. “I invite you onto my show and you’re the one giving me gifts?”

“Yes I realize I’ve flipped the scripts a little bit here but I felt like I would be remissed if I left without giving you something as a token of my appreciation,” she reasoned. “It’s the least I can do really?”

“The last huh?” he commented as he leaned in to see his reflection in the on it’s golden and jewel ridden surface. “I’d hate to see what you’re like when you go all out.”

Reaching out Jon attempted to lift it before immediately setting it back down; confirming his suspicions of how heavy it is.

“Jesus!” He exclaimed. “What’s in this thing?”

“Here I’ll give you a hint.” she said. “Remember earlier in the interview where we were talking about the founding of my world. And I explained that at the center of our kingdom lies the Tree of Harmony.”

“Yeah I remember.” Jon answered. “You explained about how it’s like... basically the life force of your world or something like that.”

“Yes well... in addition it’s also credited with the creation of the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia continued. “And if you’ll recall you made a joke about wanting one of your very own.”

“Yeah because I figured all that was needed to use one of them was an understand of--” Jon tried to rationalize before stopping mid sentence. It was at that moment that something clicked in his head a sense of understanding overtook him as he looked back down at his still concealed gift. This only made Celestia’s smile grow bigger. “O-oh... oh hell no.”

“You have no idea how tempted I was to just give you this back when you first asked.” Celestia revealed to the still startled Jon and now buzzing audience. “But I decided to wait till the very end to show you.”

“What have you done?” Jon asked.

“Open it and find out.” she answered.

“What have you done?” he echoed disbelievingly.

“I’m not telling you!” she maintained. “You’re going to have to open it and find out yourself.”

To a degree Jon didn’t want to open the box in concern of what was inside. He spent a good majority of the interview making fun of Celestia to the point that a part of him feared that this was just an elaborate prank to get back at him. Like the second he opened his present plastic snakes would spring load into his face. He certainly wouldn't put it past her and if given the opportunity he’d probably do the same.

But more than anything else he knew that Celestia was a very genuine person. So much so that he already knew what was inside and had already determined that it was just too much.

With no other options left before him, and his own audience cheering him on, Jon gave up and turned the key and opened his 24-karat container and immediately reeled back in shock with both hands over his mouth like he was doing his best impression of someone receiving a wedding proposal.

Quickly the camera men switched gears to an over the shoulder shot that perfectly showed the back of Jon’s head on one side of the screen, a pleased looking Celestia on the other, and more importantly a center shot of the now opened gilded box, revealing a golden trinket resting atop a silk pillow. Many recognized it this gift, which in this case took the shape of a crown, as one of the elements of harmony.

But while most of the elemental artifacts were bib-necklaces and one tiara many watching, including Jon, could tell that this was the actual thing by some very revealing hallmarks. Like the box this crown was completely made of gold and with every other Element of Harmony contained a carved jewel with matching color in the center to indicate who it belonged to. In this case the gem was anger orange and in the shape of the star of David.

He was starting to feel like this was all too much.

“Celestia what is this!?” Jon laughed out of nervous reflex

“Do you like it!? Before the show I went to the tree of harmony and had it produce that center gem; though I had to use my own magic rather than it’s own. Then I had my best gemologists carve it and meld it into an antique crown I’ve had on display.” Celestia went on to say as the camera zoomed in on it since Jon hadn’t yet picked it up to show off. “It’s made from a rare version of Equestrian gold found only in Canterlot. Elementally it will never deteriorate in or lose value and it’s practically indestructible. Oh! And the centerpiece jewell is topaz... your birthstone.”

Yep; may too much.

“I just... you, you, you really shoudn’t have.” Jon stated as he shook in head in continued astonishment.

“Here let’s see how it fits.” She suggested. Without asking Celestia used her magic to carefully lift the crown in the air where it spun itself in an 180 degree angle like a flying saucer. Once the center jewel was facing her she delicately placed it atop of Jon’s head. The measurements she commissioned were perfectly accurate. “There we go!”

The mixed reaction from the crowd ranged from cheering to laughter but it nevertheless all directed at him. The sight of the now regal looking Jon being subjected to this small display of dress up was even more entertaining with the host pursing his lips in sarcastic frustration.

Having a daughter who was barely old enough to stay up past eight meant that he was no stranger to having frilly looking jewellery placed on him against his will. And like with Maggie he decided to play aloung.

“I uh... you know I take back every negative things I said about monarchy,” Jon stated as he turned to face the camera’s to get a good look at himself and adjusted his crown. “I look good in this thing.”

“I’m glad you like it!” Celestia trilled. “I was originally going to make it like the more traditional necklace piece but I thought this was... more masculine.”

“Yeah because if there's anything a flying unicorn from a place like Equestria knows a lot of it’s the finer points masculinity,” Jon countered as he took his crown off to get a better look at it from different angles. “This is... unbelievably well made and trust me as Jew so I can tell. Seriously though this... I mean I appreciate the sentiment, t-truly I do but this... this really is just... I mean you really shouldn't have.”

“You say that but this is more than just a parting gift. You see now it’s my turn to thank you. On behalf of myself and all of Equestria I would like to personally thank you for all that you’ve done with your career the decade plus you’ve been on television. Thank you for being the voice of reason in a world plagued by white noise. Because I believe if more people were like you Jon... I honestly believe we would would have no war, there would be no crime, and people would live in the kind of Harmony I wish to bring to my world every single day... and I think because of you.... a bit of sanity has been restored.” Celestia praised with the crowd cheering at a high enough level that Jon couldn't dispute her claims. “And it is for this, and many other reasons, that I wanted to award you with this token of my appreciation. Even though it’s made from the same material It’s not an official element of harmony since it contains no magical properties. But the message still comes across rather well I find. So to that end, as princess of Canterlot, I bestow upon you this artifact which I have officially recorded this as your crown... the Element of Intelligence.”

Like before the sound of the crowd’s constant barrage of cheering intermingled with applauding prevented Jon from arguing with her on the legitimacy of her claims. The look on his face said it all though, he still felt like this was all very much unnecessary for something a simple interview appearance. And yet one could tell from the grin on person that he was touched.

With a content sigh Jon caved in and placed the crown back on his head, this time at a jaunty angle as the crowd cheered even greater.

“Thank you very much Celestia,” Jon said, feeling guilty that this much attention was being placed onto him rather than the actual guest. “I still say this is too much but... nevertheless I... I can't’ thank you enough.”

“Just promise me one thing Jon... promise me you’ll never stop trying to make this world a better place,” Celestia said before quickly continuing to finish her thought. “Now I know you think of yourself as more of an entertainer than any kind of humanitarian, though I feel that you can play both roles remarkably well. But I do believe that since you started doing this show human society has been improved if only just slightly l. So all I ask of you is to promise that you’ll continue doing what it is that you do.”

This time Jon intervened as quickly as possible to prevent the crowd from trying to pressure him any further.

“Celestia for you... just for you I’ll make two promises.” Jon began. “One... I promise that-- I promise that I will try... I will honestly try go live up to your expectations by continue to be as influential as you seem to think I am.”

This earned him with a light showering of applause which quickly dissipated when he began to speak again.

“Second, and most important of all... Celestia... above all else...I promise that I will never... ever for as long as I live on this or any other world... I will not...” Jon paused to point at his crown. “... try to sell this on eBay.”

The seriousness of his tone only to segway into a joke was enough to make Celestia laugh so suddenly that Jon was forced to shield his face from the incoming spit. WIth both hooves covering her face he instead grabbed her wing for an impromptu shake.

“Seriously though I’ll do my best and thanks again for being here today I’ll never forget this night,” Jon said with Celestia still not quite up the task of talking just yet. “Princess Celestia everybody! We’ll be right back!”

No longer holding back the crowd jumped to their feet and began to make as much noise as humanly possible. Some cheered, other clapped, and there were even those who stomped the ground like their equestrian counterparts. All in the name of showing their appreciation for this one in a lifetime showing.

Throwing her head back to get their mane out of her Celestia was met with an embrace from Jon who immediately began to whisper something into her ear. She returned the gesture by whispering something back as the camera panned out and in an upward motion.

The last show visible before the Daily Show logo appeared was the two of them waving before Jon got the bright idea of putting on Celestia’s other accessories that she had previously removed, without her noticing. The sight of Jon wearing her hoof slippers awkwardly over his own hands was the last thing shown before the darkness overtook the screen. Transitioning to the final commercial break.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

In a rare coincidence of galactic synchronicity it was still dark when Celestia returned to her world. And although she almost due to retire to her room she found herself occupying the Canterlot Castle’s library.

As well as a meeting with some important diplomats and a speech to some benefactors, who were having a party at the Castle’s social lounge, Celestia was scheduled to appear at a banquet in her honor at the Canterlot state University. This was only the first half of tomorrow's itinerary; she had a full day ahead of her and yet she still couldn't will herself into a sleeping state.

Although this was technically a library it was only the size of a small bedroom as it was more of a private study for Celestia located across from her room. It contained only five shelves (though they were very tall) and were mostly stocked with books that interested her rather than source materials. It’s was so condensed that if more than 4 ponies were in it at any given point it would be considered crowded.

The hypnotic crackingly of the nearby fire place did very little to relax her and it’s warm glow bathed every inch of marble floor and wooden fixtures, but provided only just enough light so that she would read her list of tomorrow's events. As well as dwelling on what to do in the future she found herself fondly reminiscing on the events prior. She felt as if she was wired to a saline drip of pure unfiltered caffeine otherwise known as the adrenaline rush one gets from being on the Daily Show

In all honestly she was hard pressed to remember the last time she had that much fun with a friend. As Princess most of her time was spent inundated with bureaucratic level of diplomacy ranging from treaty signings with foreign powers to delegating the seating arrangements for upcoming gala functions. And while she never complained about it, and indeed enjoyed the fact that she held so much responsibility, a part of her wished she could drop it all in favor of staying in the human world a bit longer.

But she knew that was out of the question, she had a full day tomorrow which is why after the she said her goodbyes she immediately teleported herself here. Her plan was to read up on old war records which documented battles from before she was born. Not for any strategical purposes but for the sake of a getting a good nights rest since old combat reports always somewhat bored her.

She hadn’t gotten around to that part of night just yet as she had only just arrived a few minutes ago with her interview still fresh in her mind. Mostly from the fact that as well as the cherished memories she brought something else with her. Located atop the circular table in front of her chair, adjacent to the fireplace, was a large box labeled “To: Celestia. From: Jon.” Right before her departure Jon had given her a parting gift which he made her promise not to open until she got home.

She had no idea what was inside though Jon hinted as being a filled with knick-knacks and edibles indigenous to the region. Already she had this planned out; If whatever was inside turned out to be trinkets she would keep some in her room and some for archival purposes and if there were any edibles she would split it down Luna. The ladder idea being why she decided to open it here in her private study... to make sure she got the good stuff first.

“Well then,” she thought happily as she used her magic to undo the top portion. “Let’s see what we have here.”

Even without being there Jon still found a way of making Celestia laugh. Before she left Jon commented on how he was glad he waited till right before she left to give her this package. His reasoning being that her solid golden chest-like compartment lined with only the purest of silk made his gift, which was housed in an old repurposed cardboard exterior filled with crumpled newspapers, look not so impressive by comparison.

She never meant for her packaging to one-up him nor did she expect anything in return but she was nevertheless grateful for the gesture. Especially since she would always keep both it and whatever was inside as a constant reminder of that day.

Put as she used to magic to carefully pluck every scrap of newspaper and neatly fold it on the desk she noticed something about the box that she hadn’t before, because she was still energized from the high of being on TV. Cautiously she leaned her forward to point where her head was almost inside the massive package so she could get a better look and confirm that she wasn’t just imagining things. But she was right.

“Airholes?” Celestia thought as she picked up on some low rumbling coming from inside. Just then, and much to her surprise, the box itself began to shake. Before she could investigate any further something jumped out and latched itself onto her face.

“What is going on here!” She thought as she tried to back away as far as she could but only managed to tumble back into the armchair she was previously lounging in. Knocking over an avalanche of books in the process.

At first she tried to assess what was going on and remain calm. This was a small room so if she did bolt upright she would probably hurt herself so instead she remained seated and planted her legs firmly on the ground. But soon after noticed that something was amiss.

Even though whatever it was that was latched on her face wasn’t obstructing her mouth she still found herself breathing frantically in a full on panic. Not so much for the fact that she was, by all accounts, being attacked, but because of something else much more terrifying. Instinctively her first reaction was to used her magic to subdue whatever it was that jumped at out of the box. But for mysteriously the thing that was still attached to her face wasn’t affected by it.

Since whatever was going on was a direct result of Jon’s gift (And the fact that despite the discomfort she wasn’t feeling any pain) to a degree she wasn’t the least bit afraid of this sudden occurrence; just startled. But that a part of her was starting to dissolve since as time went on. She wanted to flail her legs, she wanted to arc her wings and fly away, she wanted to do all this and more. And she might have had she not noticed the intense of amount of giggling echoing around her study.

“Is that... do I hear... children?” Celestia thought.

As an experiment she sat completely still and could now hear it even more as it intensified. The thing on her face continued to wiggle just enough that she could now see in front of her and what she saw... was not what she expected.

“Hi pretty horsey!” A young girl sitting in the center of the massive box said. Despite being a few feet away she waved very spastically at her for attention.

“Um... hello?” Celestia weakly waved back, her eyes wide and illuminated from the fire.

“You're a pretty horsey!” The little girl reiterated.

“I uh... thank you.” Celestia said, almost too shocked to react. To emphasize her thanks she gave a bowing gesture that made a pair of legs appear over her face.

“Cooooooool! Can I have this!?” A voice said from overhead as Celestia felt her crown being taken off her head. When she looked whoever it was that was on her head repositioned himself to meet her gaze. “Is this real gold!?” With a swing of his arm he tried to show Celestia her own crown but ended up smacking her on the muzzle instead.

“Ow!” Celestia shrieked.

“Get down from there you dummy!” The little girl yelled as the threw something from the box at him only to miss and get Celestia right on the eye. “Can’t you see you’re hurting pretty horsey!”

“Now, now. There’s no need for that.” Celestia assured her as she gently coaxed the little boy to get down by lower her head. “It was just... an accident why don’t we just-- OW!”

Rather than stepping down or even jumping off, as she assumed he did the, little boy instead firmly grabbed her hair and climbed his way down like the rope exercise routine one does during gym. The process was drawn of, awkward, and for Celestia very uncomfortable.

“Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!” Celestia complained while remaining completely still so as to not hinder his descent. “Please be gentle young man that’s very-- OW!... painful.” The fact alone that he kept trying to a hoot hold as well made it even worse.

Soon the child was safely on the ground whereupon he rushed over to his sister how had since tilted herself over in the box. Spilling herself spilling, among other things, herself and a large amount of candy wrappers which flew in the air like confetti.

After everything seemed to settle somewhat with no one yelling or throwing anything both children converged on one another looking like they were about to fight. And indeed they would have were it not for Celestia’s presence which still completely enraptured them both. At first they just stared at her silently as if uncertain of her very existence. And indeed for either party one might suspect this to be some kind dream though Celestia’s still sore scalp said otherwise.

Once it was clear that this was what it looked like both children smiled showing that at least one of them was missing a tooth. The silence did not laugh long.

Just as Celestia was about to say something, along the lines of introductions, both began yelling questions at her all at once to quickly and too loudly for her to even register any of them. Instead all she could do was look and indeed observe. Now that she was betting a better view of them she immediately knew what, or rather who she was dealing with. After all they looked just like their father.

“May I please have your attention!” Celestia said in a voice loud enough that they both would hear her. “Now then... look at the two of you I can only assume... that you are Nathan... and you are Maggie. Jon’s children; am I correct.”

Both kids nodded cheerfully with the younger one jumping up and down.

“How did you know!?” Maggie asked as Celestia placed a gentle hoof on her head to try and get her to stand still.

“Oh... just a hunch,” Celestia sighed as she glanced over at the giant cardboard box they came in. Parting gift indeed. Nathan noticed this and practically jumped back into grab something.

“Oh yeah I forgot! Daddy said to give this to you!” he announced amicably as he grabbed a handful of candy wrappers. “He gave you some chocolate but we sorta ate them all already... sorry about that.”

“That’s quite alright,” Celestia said in understanding but know more stern tone, using the opportunity to get to the heart of the matter. “Now then I would very much like to know why you two were hiding in this box? Does your father know you’re here!”

Celestia was no stranger to playing the stern taskmaster who, if need to, would be called upon to reprimand a subordinate or in this case discipline a child. Game with territory when you ruled over an entire kingdom and acted as teacher to a line of faithful students. What she wasn’t used to dealing with however was the complete lack of worry in these two human children’s faces for what they had. This didn’t surprise as much as their answer however..

“Of course Daddy knows where here.” Nathan said.

“Yeah! He’s the one who sent us.” Maggie added. And just like that Celestia’s tough girl image was shattered; replaced by disbelief

“W-wait... excuse me?” She said as the younger of the two siblings turned to face his brother.

“Show her the thing!” Maggie ordered with a push of his shoulder.

“Oh yeah! I forgot about that too!” Nathan said as he dug into his pocket to pull out a sealed envelope. “Daddy said to give this to you!”

For a brief second Celestia reached out her hoof to take it only to see that as well as it being partially crumbled it also had chocolate stains covering it. Celestia countered her blessings that she had powers and instead used magic to gently grasp the envelope and carefully unseal to retrieve it’s content.

And the surprises kept coming.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

If you’re reading this it means you’ve opened your gift. It was great having you on my show tonight! I know how hectic your schedule must be so for you to take time out of your busy day for little ol’ me really means a lot. As a show of gratitude I give you my greatest and most precious treasure... I would have but no way am I parting with my baseball autographed by Willie Mays. So instead here are my kids.”

“Oh Jon,” Celestia chuckled under her breathe as continued onwards in the letter. “I should have known...”

“But seriously Tracey and I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to babysit the kids for the next few hours while we go out for dinner tonight. What’s that? You don’t remember agreeing to that at all? Well I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually. After all what are friends for right?

Attached to this note is further instructions and guidelines for taking care of my kids.

Thanks again!

This doesn’t make us even.”

Just for the sake of honoring this little facade Tracey did glance over the the accompanying list which listed what the kids needed to do before bed, such as homework and brushing their teeth, and how long they were allowed to stay up before bed. In addition she skimmed over the part of the note which explained what to do in case of emergencies and almost made it to section which outlined in great detail each of their dietary needs and restrictions before shaking her head and using her magic to make the note in it’s entirety disappear.

“Well then... it seems your father expects me to look after you two little stowaways,” Celestia smiled at the idea as she mentally added him name on a list. He obviously didn't think this through

“Yeah! He and mom said it was okay since you’d be here to look after us!” Nate announced eagerly. “We’ve never been to pony world world before!”

“Pony world is so cool!” Maggie chimed in. “Can we stay up late and watch pony TV!? And eat pony food!? Wanna play pony games with us!? Please, please, please!”

“Settle down children,” Celestia said, using her wings to motion for them to step back. “First of all this world is called Equestria. And second while I would love to do spend some time with the two of you I’m afraid I can’t at the moment. I have a full day ahead of me tomorrow and I’m sorry to say I’ll have to send you all back home.”

No doubt her decision would illite nothing but complaints and bargaining from her two intruders so without hesitation Celestia’s horn was now channeling so much magic the the entire room was shrouded in light, to the point that if the two kids did have any grievance Celestia would have never heard them as they were fixated on this performance.

Soon the light receded back on the top of her horn where she held off on actually releasing it before giving a proper sendoff.

“Well then, Nathan, Maggie... It was nice to finally meet you. I only wish it could have been under better circumstances.” Celestia smiled as she aimed her horn at the oddly unphased children. “Tell your father I said ‘hello.’”

With a slight recoil Celestia’s head lunged back as a beam of light shot from her horn where it terminated on the children. Since her magic has since been refined through 1000’s of years of practice something like a teleportation spell would be instantiations. Celestia knew this which is why she was confused by sight of the two children remained stationary in place rather than disappearing and her magic flowing around them like debris around a planet..

Her surprised turned to shock when rather than doing what she instructed it to do, her own magic instead seeped it’s way into the children’s skin causing them to faintly glow a cosmic shade of orange. But while this display only made Celestia confused bordering on terrified the two children thought it was the best light show they ever saw.

“That was so cool!” Nathan yelled.

“Do it again do it again!” Maggie demanded while jumping up and down. “I don’t know what you did but do it again! Can you do it again!? Can ya, can ya!?”

Celestia was still reeling from shock to answer any of these questions.

“How... how is this possible!?” She asked out loud.

“Oh right!” Nathan said now digging into his pockets once more to produce another sealed envelope. “Daddy said to give you this when you used your magic on us.”

This time Celestia grabbed the letter as quickly as she could whereupon she tore it open unceremoniously to the point where she slightly damaged the actual letter. Like before it was another handwritten letter made out to her by Jon, this time reading it much faster and more than once to make sure that what she was looking at was real.

“Celestia if you're reading this it means you just tried to send my kids back to me. Either that or Nathan got the letters mixed up which I wouldn't put past him. If the latter stop reading here. Otherwise I think you’ve discovered the force field

Did I not mention the force field? Yeah before actually sending them your way I had my good friend Discord place a protective barrier around them the second they made contact with you Star Trek style! Magic won’t work on them and, this is the best part, if you try to anyway they’ll just absorb it and make the shield stronger. Which means they’ll stay longer... which by count is now a full 24 hours.

Thank again for agreeing to babysit! You can send them back our way once they stop glowing.

Okay, now we’re even.”

No matter how many times she read this she still couldn't believe it. As well as adding another name to the list she was stunned silent by the irony of it all. The letter was still hovering in front of her face but she was no longer reading it but rather just staring into void.

“Okay... I had that coming.Well then... looks like I’ll be cancelling a view meetings tomorrow. Pity... I was so looking forward to giving that speech.” She thought as she used her magic to press the letter against her face like she was trying to hide. “Okay, I can do this... I used to be quite the babysitter back in my younger days. Granted that was centuries ago but how hard can it be to look after two human children.”

After uttering such famous last words Celestia quickly stood up and adjusted used her magic to adjust herself by wiping any dust that may have collected on her and straighten her crown to look more presentable to her new guests.

“Alright children... it would seem that you really are stuck here for a while but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun with this,” Celestia said now finally looking back up at the two. “FIrst off aunt Celestia is going to fix you two up with a... oh dear...”

Halfway during her monologue Celestia’s body froze while her eyes darted around the room. Soon her body thawed out and she was now swinging her long neck around to try and get a better view of her surroundings. The look on her face made Maggie giggle but that was just the problem, only she was left to laugh at her expense.

After it was clear that it was just the two girls Celestia momentarily tried to pick her up with magic only for it to backfire. Promoting Celestia to place both her hooves on the human girl’s shoulders.

“Maggie honey, where’s your brother!?” Celestia asked with Maggie who was still giggling but now placing her hands over her mouth so as not to speak. “Young lady I asked you a question. Please this is very important! Where did Nathan runoff to--”

Without warning the sound of something crashing echoed it’s way into Celestia’s study. With the Castle laid out the way it was it could have come from anywhere but it was only when it was followed by a voice that she had a good idea of where it came from.

“Stop! Intruder!” A Canterlot guard said as the sound of laughing faded away. “Put that back this instant!”

“Oh no,” Celestia commented her face blanching as she rushed towards the hallway only to stop at the door to her study and turn around to address Jon’s daughter. “Maggie Sweetheart I need to go find your brother! Now you been a good girl stay and don’t move here until I get back! I’m serious! Don’t go anywhere! Do you understand!?”

The sound of another priceless antique crashing convinced Celestia that it would be best to leave before hearing young Maggie’s answer. Through a combination of fast running and sudden teleportation blinks she vanished around the corner.

At the time the young girl thought about doing exactly what her new babysitter told her to do. Stay in one place and not do anything, and indeed she would have but at the very moment she remembered what her father told her right before she left. That being that in Equestria today was opposite day.

So obviously not wanting to offend her new handler and her costumes Maggie decided to show her holiday spirit by running around out of the room and opposite way that Celestia ran while flailing her arms wildly. Afterall Celestia did say to stay put and not move.

From there she ran as fast as her 9-year-old legs could take her, bringing her to one of the main hallways. From there the optioned opened up many new hallways were in all directions like a spider’s web. After a quick game of eenie-meenie-minie-moe Maggie decided which path to take. But before she could she heard a voice echoing from where she jus left.

“Sister, are you there?” The voice said. “We heard a noise came to investigate. I trust all is well?

Fueled by curiosity Maggie retraced her steps. After turning a corner expecting to see a mostly empty hallways but instead was shocked to see another pony. This one was similar to Celestia in terms of height, and accessories both in jewelry and body parts. Only this one was a shade of midnight purple.

At first Maggie saw it but not the other way around since this newcomer had it’s head poked into Celestia’s study. It was obvious as to who she was looking for.

“Where could she have gone?” The creature said out loud before giving up and walking back into the hallways. Immediately both it and Maggie locked eyes causing the bigger of the two to gasp in surpise. Due to her small size the pony’s peripheral vision didn’t pick up on her but not that they were standing in a white hallway, face to face both had clear visibility of each other.

For the time being both just stared at each other. For a moment everything seems fine if a bit awkward as no one made a motion or says anything. Eventually this Alicorn did move in the form of slightly stepping back the instant Maggie began to smile. Her backpedaling only increased the more teeth she showed.

Eventually everything boiled over and both parties reacted about as well as to be expected.

“PRETTY!” Maggie shouted so loud it monetarily caused the pony discomfort. “YOU ARE SO PRETTY!””

Unbeknownst to this new creature she had the unfortunate luck of being Maggie’s favorite color; exact shade as well. This was enough to have her bolting at high speed towards her with her arms out for a hug.

The Alicorn, not being used to being in this type of scenario, was so stunned by this sudden declaration that she instantly used her magic to send a bubble like object around the human, like a hamster wheel, to keep her in place as well as defend herself. Or at least that’s what if would have done had Maggie’s protective barrier made so she tore right through it like it was made of tissue.

Seeing her high grade magic completely obliterated by the young lady, who was still in hot pursuit, caused the magical Alicorn to try and teleport away... at the exact moment the child jumped up and latched onto her face; negating the spell.

It was going to be a long 24 hours for both Princes Sisters.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Samantha Bee (first draft)

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Jason Jones (Rough draft)

With the first segment of the Daily show already completed, and the commercials that followed soon afterwards ran for the appropriate amount of time, it was now time for Jon to share his on screen time by allowing one of his correspondents to show their latest project to the world.

And after the Daily show logo assembled itself on stage before promptly flying off screen Jon took notice and greeted his audience, fully ready to hand the patton.

“Hey everyone welcome back! You know... discrimination is still an ever present issue that plagues our world in every social class and environment. Such acts have even appeared in places that we would never have suspected,” He began while neatly folding his hands and speaking as respectfully as possible. “Like in Equestria where if you want to adopt a child you may find it difficult depending on your sexual orientation. Jason Jones has more on this topic.

The crowd cheered before quickly silencing themselves at the visuals that sprung forth on the monitors that were in sight for them to watch. What followed was footage of Canterlot before switching to another camera which showed even more stock footage of one of Canterlot many busy streets.

The title card at the bottom of the screen read “Same Sex discrimination: Adoption agencies edition” and the voice over that played through it all was of Jason Jones. His voice deep and earnest sounding at the serious topic at hand.

The gays. A group of people known for their athletical fitness, keen sense of fashion, exquisite taste in fine arts, and ability to turn invisible when in danger. But despite their lavish lifestyles there are those will still feel the need to treat them like second class citizens. Even here in Equestria.” Jason’s overdubbed monologue said as the footage changed to him on a hill looking over at the scenery before him of rolling green hills which also included ponyville before switching to him sitting across an elder looking white stallion with black blow streaks in his hair. His portly stomach was covered by a sports jacket and his hair was slicked but was still long enough to curl on the end. “Fortunately there are those believe in Equality. Like Canterlot Lawmaker Stable Hoofington who has made it his mission to see that everyone is treated fairly no matter who they are.”

“Thank you for agreeing to sit down... and talk about a very serious issue with me here on this program.” Jason said as he reached over to meet his hoof for a shake. “I know how difficult it could be... for a pony in your position to be outspoken about such things.”

“It’s my pleasure Mr. Jones.” Hoofington responded before leaning back into his seat

“Now tell me... what forms of... unlawful inequality are you leading the charge against here today.” Jason asked with his hands clasped together in anticipation.

“Well... recently I’ve tried to get laws enacted into parliament that would guarantee that those who are attempting to adopt are treated fairly as everypony else,” Hoofington explained as Jason nodded in agreement. “Because as it stands if a same sex couple are allowed to adopt but the process by which they do so is different than a straight couple attempting to do the same.”

“This seems like such a good idea to have implemented into the Pony legislature.” Jason commented with his guest nodding his head in agreement. “I mean this is Equestria we’re talking about here... who in their right mind would be against something as basic as equal rights.”

“Well unfortunately there are those who don’t see things my way and would rather things stay the same they are,” Hoofington continued. “There are... I have colleagues who oppose my laws and try to have them... essentially blocked.”

The camera then changed to show footage of Pony politicians and representatives walking, conversing, and attending private meetings within Canterlot Castle. Switching from actions shots of them either presenting a case to a council of other ponies or sitting at a desk working on whatever paperwork needed to be done.

In fact the amount of people lobbying against Hoofington is so bad that that not only as the main parliament of the Castle refused to hear his case for the second straight year in the row they’re working on blocking him from presenting the case further.” Jason’s overdubbing explained while a royal parchment materialized on screen. “According to their reasons for the blockage, which was signed into effect by Celestia, ‘Huffington's continued efforts to try and sensationalize what is essentially a non issue is keeping the royal council from focusing on more important issues like defence, relations with other kingdoms, and infrastructure.

“Have you tried to rally forth other ponies to help you with your cause?” Jason asked. “Maybe get a couple thousand signatures or something.”

“Ah, well no I haven’t done that yet.” Hoofington admitted.

“Is it because ponies can’t write?” Jason asked with the crowd laughing only slightly at this very serious issue.

“What I have done is reached out to ponies who themselves work in adoptions agencies but even they won’t get involved,” Hoofington revealed. “Some of them have even tried to get me to step down from my position on the issue.”

”Ponies like pony head mistress Flora Rosa of the Equestrian Adoption agency, Ponyville chapter, who refuses to support Hoofington is his guest for Equality.” The overdub said as the camera depicted sitting across from a brown Earthpony with light yellow hair, thick rimmed glasses, and a loose collar similar to Mayor Mare’s. “I sat down with Ms. Rosa to delicately ask her why she had decided to take up such an opposition position on such a delicate social issue.”

“So tell me... why do you hate gay ponies.” Jason asked with his interviewee looking rather annoyed by the question but nevertheless kept a level head.

“I don’t hate homosexual ponies.” She answered.

“Suuure you don't.” Jason added while shaking his head.

“For years our agency has done our best to provide a service to any pony couple who are willing to adopt a filly of their own,” Flora explained with an incredulous look about her. “We would never turn down a same sex couple from adopting a filly or treat them any less than if than we would with a straight couple.”

“But don’t you realize that even you allow same sex ponies to adopt you’re still discriminating against them by making it harder for them to obtain a child then if they were straight!?” Jason urged her to realize, which only made her cock her head to the side and give him an odd look like he had just said something incredibly stupid.

“Um... young man I don’t know where you’re getting your information from but it’s actually the other way around.” She countered.

“Excuse me?” Jason responded.

“When it comes to adoption in Equestria... to a small degree it’s actually easier for a gay couple to adopt than it is for a straight couple.” She went on to say with Jason looking flabbergasted by the idea. The camera took turns changing angles between the two with neither one stepping up to say anything. The crowd laughed at Jason’s continued look of disbelief as he looked back on his notes frantically.

When he didn’t find what he was looking for he leapt up from his seat only to quickly bend back into camera view.

“W-would you... would you just... excuse me for a second!?” Jason asked before running off screen with the Headmistress looking confused as she waved her hoof, allowing him to run off.

THe camera changed yet again back to the main office of Hoofington’s house where the segment originally took place. Looking as if he had never left the white Unicorn watched as Jason took his seat across from him looking to be in a panicked state.

“Hi! Uh, me again!” Jason said Hoofington acknowledging his return with a nod. “Soooo I’ve been asking around and... I found something very... very interesting. So I was talking with Ms. Flora Rosa... d-do you know her?”

“Yes I’ve met with her before,” Hoofington said. “She runs the adoptions agency down in Ponyville.”

“Right, right! So under the impression that ... in Equestria... the gays have more rights,” Jason explained with a shrug and an expression like this couldn't possibly be true. “I mean... c’mon... she’s... she’s not telling the truth is she.”

“When it comes to the bureaucratic act of adopting a child from an adoption agency... yes, same sex couples are afforded more leeway during the screening process.” Hoofington explained as best he could.

Holy shit!

“And in fact this has been going on for as long as the major cities of this region were established.” Hoofington added.

“So when you say... you’re pushing for laws for Equality,” Jason began before pausing. “What you’re really saying is... harder for same sex couples to adopt?”

“Yes, that’s right.” Hoofington said without falter. “At least to the point where they’re on the same level as straight couples.”

“I uh... I-I gotta... excuse me.” Jason said once again leaving a guest in the middle of interview. The camera angle then went to just outside of Hoofington’s office where Jon began to walk down the nearest street as his overdubbing filled the void the footage changed again to more stock footage of random ponies walking around random scenic areas.

Okay so apparently here in Equestria if you’re gay you have more rights than if you’re straight, and really in a place like this I’m not surprised.” Jason’s overdub said as the camera changed to purposely show the most feminine looking scenic part of Canterlot possible, complete with multiple colors, fluffy exteriors, and of course the ever present ponies. “But still inequality was inequality and I was nevertheless determined to see why Equestria allowed this to happen in the first place.

The camera changed yet again. This time to the spacious halls where Jason first started talking with Headmistress Flora Rosa who, like Hoofington, looked as if she never left. Sitting across from her, this time with newfound purpose, Jason adjust his notes and took a deep breath before once again continuing his report.

“So tell me... why do you hate straight ponies.” Jason asked with his interviewee once again looking annoyed by the question.

“Again... I, and this institute, do not hate any pony based on sexual preference.” Flora maintained with a hoof gesture like she was pointing at Jason. “This adoption agency, as well as many others like it, pride itself on treating everypony with the same level of respect regardless of who they are or what they believe.”

“I want to believe you I really do... but from what I’ve been told if a gay couple wants to attempt a foal they’re more likely to get the child than if they were straight.” Jason countered.

“Technically yes, but in the end the ponies character and background ultimately decides whether they get to keep the filly or colt.” She countered back.

“Yeah, characteristics like... how gay they are.” Jason said with the crowd laughing as the headmistress shook her head in frustration before jumping to forward in the conversation. “Explain to me the process by which a pony can adopt a child. And at one point where does the straight vs. gay aspect gets involved.”

“Well to put it simply... a long time ago, when major Equestrian colonies were staring to take root, laws were put in place fairly early one. One such law was that if you wanted to adopt a child you needed proof of your parenting ability. More specifically that you were a good parent and could provide a stable environment for the pony you wanted to adopt.” Flora explained with Jason pretending to take notes. “The most common practice was that if you already had children a representative of the adoption agency would check to see if the children were healthy and proper taken care of. And from there, if the couple were deemed good parents, they could would get their new child.”

“But what if a couple never had children and just wanted the adoption.” Jason asked.

“Yes, this is where we find ourselves isn’t it. And yes you are right there were those who wanted to adopt but didn’t have children of their own. And to this lawmakers, and those who ran adoption agencies, responded with a another rule stating that if you didn’t have any previous experience you were allowed to adopt-- however you were still required to show proof of proper living conditions.” She explained. “What this meant of course was ponies had to show proof of financial stability, a safe environment for the child, and of course a background check to make sure they are not not criminals. Once that was cleared a couple got their foal but for the next year a representative from the agency where they go their child would routinely visit to see if they were developing well. If the representative saw no cause for concern then the filly or colt was officially theirs to keep.”

“A huh, a huh.” Jason responded as he camera angle appeared behind him to show that instead of notes he was drawing an unflattering caricature of the headmistress.

“So for awhile this was the standard but at one point in time it was pointed out that this system might be considered somewhat unfair to same sex couples. Because while straight couples have two methods of adopting a child, either by showing proof of their parental qualifications or the more traditional route of showing their present children, same sex couples could only do the former option since of course they couldn’t biologically have their own foals.” She continued. “At the time this wasn’t considered a case of discrimination but some did believe that gay couples were at a bit of a handicap. So regiments were put in place to... I guess one could say ‘even out the playing field.’”

“So what kind of advantages are we talking here?” Jason asked, his mind already filled with speculations. “Like gay ponies can adopt a baby no matter how poor they are, or, or, or they could live in a horribly designed house and still get the kid.”

“Uh, no,” The headmistress answered. “You see they--”

“Yeah you’re right whoever heard of a gay couple who didn’t live in a nice home.” Jason interrupted.

“As I was saying... the ‘advantages’ are are available to same sex couples is during the screening process after they first take in their soon-to-be child.” She explained. “As you recall when an a couple wants an adopted child but they themselves have no children an Adoption agency employee will allow them to take care of the child but will routinely check up on them.”

“I GOT IT!” Jason interjected. “With gay couples they don’t have to be looked at after the fact! They can swing by and pick up and kid and BAM... that’s it.”

Rather than correcting him the headmistress just glared at him for a few seconds.

“No.” She finally answered. “With straight couples after they receive their child they are visited a total of eight times during that year for progress reports. But for Gay couples it’s reduced to six.”

My god it was worse than anything I could possibly Ima-- wait what.” Jason’s overdubbing said before cutting himself off.

“Wait... tha... that’s it?” He inquired. “A reduction of two visits out of eight... that’s... that’s it?”

“That’s it.” Flora confirmed as the camera zoomed out to get a better look at the two of them.

Okaaaaay so apparently in Equestria inequality does exist but on the hole just sounds... kinda boring really.” Jason said as the camera transition back over to Hoofington’s office. But then again maybe there’s something I’m missing here. Something that could be explained to me by someone who's been fighting for this particular issue all their life.“

“Actually I’ve only been lobbying on this issue for a little under a month now,” Hoofington confessed as Jason rubbed his hand across the face in apparent frustration.

“Okay help me understand here... so the problem here is gay couples have it easier... because they get two visits less than straight couples when it comes to seeing if they’re good parents.” Jon surmised with the pony politician nodding the entire time.

“Yes indeed, this is the case,” He agreed. “Some might find this to not be that big an issue... but it’s still a form of inequality and I do believe that’s issue worth dealing with.”

“Riiiight... but is it though?” Jason asked. “I mean... this doesn’t feel like discrimination but more helping other less fortunate.”

“I-- okay well but it this way,” Hoofington began as he adjusted himself in his seat. “Are you straight?”

“Yes.” Jason answered.

“Are you currently in a relationship.” He continued to ask.

“Yes I am.” Jason answered again.

“Have you ever considered adopting a child of your own.” He inquired further.

“Fuck that!” Jason exclaimed causing Hoofington to forgo asking any more questions. “Me and Sam already have like.. three or something of our own. Hell no we don’t want anymore!” Since the crowd would no doubt have laughed at this point the footage was edited to give time for Hoofington to respond.

“Well... you might now want to but other couples, other straight couples would like to,” He continued. “And I’m sure they wouldn't like the fact that they’re being treated differently because of their sexual orientation.”

Exactly because when adopting a child the issue isn’t about the child itself or the context by which a child is put into a new home and therefore a new way of life. Nope it’s all about whether or not one couple get’s it faster than another.” Jason said as the camera transitioned to show the outside out a school yard before changing again to show him sitting in front of two ponies inside the school itself. “Because for some straight couples like Ms. Cheerilee and Big Mac the prospect of their rights being infringed upon is insulting to their very existence.”

“So I’m assuming you two know about the adoption laws in Equestria,” Jason began as the two ponies listening closely. “Regarding how gay couples have it easier when it comes to the actual adoption.”

“Eeyup.” Big mac answered.

“Yes, I am well aware of the rules regarding the matter.” Cheerilee added. “I’ve actually had to teach my students about this once before.”

“Now then... as a straight couple yourself I can only imagine how absolutely furious you two must be.” Jason assumed. “Tell me... are you angry knowing that it is more difficult for you to adopt than it is for same sex couples?”

“Nope.” Big Mac answered.

“Not at all.” Cheerilee added.

God Dammit.

“I actually applaud the fact that there are those who can adopt a child in a much more expeditious fashion. You see I am a teacher and I find that a good home can make the difference between a pony that exceeds in school and a pony who fails and get’s held back. You know studies have shown that a pony that grows up in a an environment with parental figures have a higher chance of excelling at life than those who grow up in foster home after foster home.” Cheerilee explained. “I’ve had students who struggle tremendously in their studies. Mostly because they’re still live in orphanage and often don’t have time to study because they get so little attention. This sometimes causing them to lash out or be disruptive during class because that’s the only way they’re noticed in this world and that’s detrimental to themselves and those around them. So yes I am well aware that same sex couples can potentially adopt a child easier and I welcome it... because if such a rule means that a little pony has even a slightly higher chance of having a family than I welcome it with open hooves.”

“Okay... that all makes sense... but I’m sure a kid wouldn't mind the idea of not getting adopted if it mean some ponies would feel equal.” Jason offered. “I mean hey you know what they say... trauma builds character.’”

“Well... I’m pretty sure a child wouldn't like the fact they they’re denied their rights to have a family.” Cheerilee argued, not sounding mad in the slightest. As a teacher she knew when someone was goofing around a serious topic.

“And how would you know?” Jason countered. “Are you an orphan.”

“No I am not.” She answered.

“Exactly.” Jason responded.

“But he is.” She countered, now pointing to Big Mac. “isn’t that right honey.”

“Yep.” Big Mac confirmed.

Oh boy.

“The thing about Big Mac is his mother and father passed away while he was still very young. At the time his sister Applejack was too young to help out around the farm so he had to manage the entire Apple Harvest himself.” Cheerilee explained. “And for a young stallion like himself, having to take over the family business was such a turning point in his life. Every year he worked tirelessly knowing that if he failed his entire family would be homeless with just one bad harvest. This is what a lack of parental figures does to child, it puts them in a position that can ultimately ruin their development”

“Eeeyup.” Big Mac agreed.

“Will uh... will you excuse me for a second.” Jason asked.

Before getting his answer he walked off camera only to reappear on screen after it transitioned once again to the office of Hoofington. The two gazed at each other for a few seconds before Jason began talking.

“Okay can I ask you something?” Jason finally stated.

“Sure go ahead.” Hoofington allowed.

“When it comes to this... inequality in the adoption law... what’s the worst case scenario for the child.” Jason asked.

“Well you see... this law is a direct and utter misstep in justice for those looking to adopt.” Hoofington maintained. “You see couples in this system you want to--”

“No, no, no, no, no... I didn’t say worse case scenario for the parents,” Jason interrupted always quick to do so for the sake of making someone look stupid. “I asked... what’s the worse case scenario... for the child.”

“For the child?” Hoofington asked with Jason nodding. “Well... uh...let’s see... uuuuuuuuh... well...”

Jason could only stare as his political guest struggled to come up with an answer on his own. Long silence after long silence were bookended with him trying to fill space by saying “um” or “well” in an attempt to kick starter his point.

Jason was willing to wait as long as he needed to for him to come up with a counter argument which almost did with a little help.

“Well... uh, in terms of the child... the worse case scenario is...” He tried to say. “That they... could...”

“Actually be adopted?” Jason interjected.

“Well see this is the thing!” Hoofington said with a newfound perspective. “A child does have the higher chance of getting adopted by a same sex couple yes but that also increases the chance of them being given to an unfit family.”

“Because the family in this scenario are gay?” Jason asked.

“Noooo, thats- that’s not what I meant.” Hoofington said now in full damage control. “All am I’m saying is if a same sex couple, really any couple at all, has an an easier time obtaining a child... there is a chance that a couple might want to adopt since it’s easier for them. Thusly... incompetent parents, or those who might not be ready for parenthood.”

“That is so true,” Jason admitted. “It’s like how I don’t ever want to get my scrotum pierced but if I see one being advertised as only slightly on discount I just have to go for it.”

“Exactly,” Hoofington agreed. “And with same sex couples... what’s to stop them from adopting three, even five children since it’s easier for them.”

”Hoofington was right! What was stopping a pony from doing just that. Aside from regulations restricting the amount of ponies once can adopt at a time, laws put in place to make sure only those will proper backgrounds can adopt, and representatives from adoptions agencies whoever see each adoption to make sure the right child is placed in the right home. But still he did have a point when it came to same sex couples who might might be enticed to adopt because of their only slightly strict regulations.” Jason’s overdub said as the angle shifted to stock photos of parents standing next to children that they have adopted, courtesy of the Ponyville adoption agency. The camera then shifted to Jason sitting in a genetically lit room with the camera angled in such a way that you could tell that there were three ponies across from him but it was difficult to see who they were “How long till someone abuses this legal loophole? In order to answer this question I brought in three local Ponyville residents who are gay but didn’t have children... to get their input on this subject.

“Thank you all for agreeing to meet with me here today,” Jason said, with the camera still on him. “Now I’m just going to get right to the point here... how do you feel knowing that that the law grants ponies, such as yourself, the an advantage over other ponies when it comes to adopting children.”

The camera finally transitioned to behind Jason to reveal that he was talking directly to Bon Bon, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash-- neither of whom looked particularly interested in being there.

“To... be honest,” Bon Bon began. “I don’t have strong feelings one way or the other.”

“Yeah, me neither.” Lyra added.

“Wait I thought this interview was about the Equestrian Games.” Rainbow Dash commented with Jason addressing more the established couple than her.

“But don’t you realize that you are in a position of power!? The power to adopt any child you wanted... at a slightly less inconvenience.” Jason informed with no pony looking impressed. “I mean sure you don’t care now. But once you realize you have less restriction than other ponies what’s stopping you from adopting three, even five children at once.”

“Uuuuh... the fact that we don’t want kids?” Lyra answered bluntly, sounding like it was a stupid questions to even ask. This got the attention of her mate Bon Bon who looked somewhat shocked.

“Ahem. I think what my partner is trying to say is we know that as a same sex couple we have the privilege of being able to not only adopt but we are mature enough adults to know that this isn’t that right time to for us to take that leap yet.” Bon Bon corrected. “Financially we’re not secure enough to look after a little filly or colt and emotionally I don’t think we’re in the right state of mind to be mothers.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Lyra corrected back. “I just don’t want to have kids.”

“Lyra, how can say that!” Bon Bon scolded. “We’ve been together for so how many years and you seriously can’t picture us raising a child together!”

“Well excuse me but I just don’t see myself taking care of some bratty foal!” Lyra countered.

“Lyra, we’ve been over this! You’d make a great mother!” Bon Bon assured her as Jason tried to interject but couldn't find a good chance to do so. “You’re loving, caring, generous, and you always try to do your very best at whatever you do.”

“I know but... ARGH! I can’t be a mother! I can barely take care of myself!” Lyra confessed. “How can I expect to take care of somepony else.”

“Lyra, that’s not...” Bon Bon began before pausing. “Okay there might be some truth behind that but it’s not like you’d be alone... I’d be there with you too.”

“Uh, girls?” Jason tried to interject. “I-I’d like to get back to--”

“Yeah well I don’t need you always looking after me!” Lyra shot back. “I’m not that helpless.” This made Bon Bon notably flustered.

“Well pardon me but I was only trying to reassure you!” Bon Bon protested. “If you’re going to act like this than maybe you’re right about not getting a child... you already do a good job of acting like one already.”

Instead of arguing back Lyra instead blew a raspberry in her direction which caused both mares to turn in their seats to avoid looking at each other. This left the room in awkward silence with everyone present not daring to move a muscle for fear that it might set them off like hungry raptors.

Eventually however there was some movement in the form of Rainbow Dash lifting her hoof to ask a question but not willing to wait for Jason to call upon her.

“Hey, if this is about same sex couples and adoption why am I here?” She asked.

“Cause you’re gay.” Jason answered with a shrug.

“Oh for the love of-- Ugh, for the last time I am not gay!” Rainbow Dash proclaimed which caused Lyra, who was closer to her snort in response.

“Really?” Jasons said now pretending to read his notes. “Because I was told your so deep in the closet your practically in Narnia.”

“What the hay! Who told you that!” Rainbow Dash blurted. “Cause w-well whoever did is a liar!”

“Pfft, yeah right Dashie. You aint fooling anyone.” Lyra chuckled. “Everypony knows you and and Applejack have that thing going where secretly go behind her barn and--”

“LYRA!” Bon Bon scolded as she whipped around to bonk her on the head. “Don’t be so rude to Rainbow Dash! For Celestia’s sake you’re always like this! If Ms. Dash wants to stay in the closet that’s her decision.”

“That’s right!” Rainbow Dash agreed before realising the implications of what Bon Bon had said. “H-hey wait a minute I’m not even in the closet to begin with!”

Before Jason could try and salvage this portion of his report the three girls were not in a shouting match with each other, with no visible alliance. Just each pony trying to yell the loudest to get their rapidly dwindling point across.

“Excuse me?” Jason said, but to no avail.

The arguing escalate to the point where audio feedback was taking place from the mics that were attached to them. Because of the room they were in random ponies who were walking down were now peering through the window to see what was going on. No doubt rumours were starting to surface.

“Excuse me?” Jason said, again but like before no one noticed.

Their arguing just intensified as time went on with Rainbow Dash using her wings to yell at anypony she could from on high while, Lyra countered this by using her magic to accidentally throw a nearby pillow at any pony she deemed worthy. Not wanting to be outdone Bon Bon used her years of training as a voice actress to yell as loudly as she should, her lungs more powerful than the other two.

More ponies were gathering outside the building.

“EXCUSE ME!” Jason roared only to have all three mares turn to him with equal looks of disdain and anger.

“WHAT!” They exclaimed back in even greater force.

“Um... so in terms of the topic...ya know gay couples adopting,” he reminded. “So overall... do you even care?”

“NO!” All three answered before going back to yelling at each other.

Taking this opportunity Jason slowly climbed out of his seat and tiptoed his way off screen, like he was incredibly scared that any sudden movement would cause the three fighting ponies turn on him.

More ponies found there way to the window by by then the camera had just shifted again to show Jason slowly sitting into the seat which was directly in front of Hoofington back at his office. Despite the fact that the transition was edited Jason still feined exhaustion and fear as he caught his breath.

“You alright?” Hoofington asked.

“Yeah I uh... I’ve just us... I got back from an interview and.. you know... I’m beginning to think that maybe... just maybe... you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Jason submitted with his guest looking uncertain of how to respond as evident by how his mouth moved by no words emerged. “However good your intentions may be I can’t help but feel you’re doing the politician thing where you try to change something you know little about.”

After his claims there was a gap of silence was allowed to the laughter of the audience to subside Hoofington finally worked up the nerve to speak.

“I assure I have done the necessary research on the topic.” He assured Jason. “And while it may not seem like that glaring loophole now... that could change in the future. If we allow this to stand then... well it’s a slippery slope and before long there might be a day where same sex couples can fully adopt a child on the spot with no background checks whatsoever.”

Even Jason, with his limited knowledge of this issue overall, felt the need to face palm himself.

“You do realize these kids aren’t fast food items right?” Jason asked waiting just amount of time where he was about to answer before cutting him off. “I mean these adoption agencies don’t have drive throughs ya know?”

“I am well aware of the intricacies of adoption agencies,” Hoofington maintained.

“Okay... having said that I want to try something with you,” Jason proposed with his guest looking ready to comply. “I’m going to ask you a series of questions. If at any point your the answer to one of these question is yes... say ‘yes’ so I don’t contine. Understand?”

“I understand.” Hoofington answered.

“Okay... are you adopted? Do you have an adopted child yourself.” Jason began with Hoofington remaining quiet. “Do you know anyone who is adopted? Do you know anyone who had adopted a pony child?”

Like before he remained silent which started to worry him.

“Have you ever donated to an adoption agency? Do you know the rates by which ponies in Equestria are adopted each year?” Jason continued yielding same results. “Have you ever been to an adoption agency--”

“Yes!” Hoofington exclaimed, eager to finally stop his list of questions.

“-- that wasn’t located in Canterlot.” Jason finished.

“Oh,” Hoofington said in dissapointed. “... Withdrawn.”

Purposely leaving the room in silence so the crowd could laugh without interrupting, Jason just started at his guest who looked like he was ready to leave at any moment but a contractual obligation kept him bound.

To show that he wasn’t done Jason pulled out his notes and began to scan it’s surface as he addressed his guest.

“So to recap... straight ponies don’t care about the adoption rule, gay ponies don’t care bout the adoption rule, adoption center ponies don’t care bout the adoption rule, other politicians and even Princess Celsetia don’t care bout the adoption rule.” Jason listed one by one. “The only one who seems to care... is you.”

“Well... historically speaking there have been a lot of social issues that only a few cared,” Hoofington pointed out. “But in time other came around to seeing the importance of said issue and everything turned out for the better. At the moment... perhaps I’m not speaking to the right ponies.”

Okay so that sounded pretty douchey. But you know what? Maybe he’s right? Maybe he just needed to present his ideals to another group of ponies more willing to listen. A group of ponies of neatrual status who’d be willing to offer their unbiased opinions and-- holy shit I have an idea.”

“You know what?” Jason began. “I think I know the perfect group of ponies who’d be willing to speak with you about this.”

With a look of intrigue across Huntington's face the scene transition seamlessly to both himself and Jason walking on screen in a new area and sitting in chairs next to each other. Before any of them could talk the camera changed positions to show that they were sitting in front of Bon Bon, Lyra, and Rainbow Dash who had stopped their petty arguing but still looked annoyed to be in the same room as each other.

Jason still felt a sense of unease since they were all glaring at him. Not out of spite but because they didn't want to look at each other. Which is why he wanted to do this as quickly as possible.

“Hello again girls. Thanks for agree to stay... I’d like to you to meet my friend Hoofington,” Jason in introduced with the stallion lifting a hoof. “This nice pony has volunteered to listen to each of your arguments and decided who is right and who is wrong.”

“Excuse me?” Hoogfington said.

“All yours buddy.” Jason said with a pat on his back. Marching his way behind the camera the correspondent opened the door to the outside work and closed the door behind him just in time to hear a torrent of yelling in his wake. Even outside he could clearly hear the barrage of voices directed at the pony politician, all eager to get their point across and come out as the victor.

The camera then showed Jason walking around the ever growing group of ponies clammering outside the house trying to see what was going on and strutted down the street as his overdub only slightly drowned out the sound of screaming.

”Well we may not have solved this case of discrimination but perhaps if this day has taught us anything is that we as a society can learn to live together in peace as we join together in common unison... in her hatred for politicians.” Jason’s voice said as the camera freeze framed on Hoofington trying and miserably failing to calm the three squawking ponies before him.

“Jason Jones everyone,” Jon announced. “We’ll be right back.”

The crowd cheered as Jon returned to his notes and took out his pen to pretend to write notes in the form of his furiously writing down nonsensical scribbles. The camera did it’s usual ascent into the sky, showing off how big the stage was and how many fans occupied it.

This view was short lived however by the Daily show logo zipping onto the center of the screen before properly flying away which, along with it, caused the screen to go black in preparation for another series of commercials before the third segment's interview.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Jessica Williams 1 (Rough Draft)

The sound of numerous fans cheering could be heard as the the tech team had the camera zooming from Jon’s lower left side. Of course he himself didn’t see this, as he was pretending to write down important information, but he had been doing this show long enough to accurately count down the seconds in his head.

Soon the camera was made it’s way to facing the desk straight away at the same time Jon looked up to address the those watching while still aimlessly jotting down “important” notes.

“Hey everyone welcome back!” Jon roared over the still cheering audience while his writing now devolved to simply scribbling in high speed circles. “Ya know we as Americans are blessed to live in such a... absolutely perfect.”

The crowd had just quitted themselves only to burst laughing at Jon’s hyperbolic claims.

“But others feel that this in, in fact, not the case and feel like we could be better! One area in which we seem to do poorly in is our capacity for identifying important figures. Studies show that the average American doesn’t know who their own congressman is, can’t even name at least half of our past presidents, and there are even a percentage of those in school who can’t even find Europe on a map and... and I mean c’mon how hard is it I mean it’s right fuckin there!” Jon ranted before pausing to comically take a deep breathe like a he was a practicing monk. “But while our government, instead of education, spends billions of dollars to go to war in far off countries that most americans have never even heard of... we can at least take solace in knowing that, when it comes to the topic of basic recognition, there are those out there who are... way worse than us. Jessica Williams filled this report.”

With the editing structured the way it was the sound of the audience loudly cheering and applauding quickly died down when the image switched to stock footage of busseling New York streets. Giving Jessica the perfect opportunity to began her monologue.

”When it comes to us Americans we are far too busy with the everyday struggles of living in a first world nation to worry about trivial matters like who the vice president is, or how to get in contact with our local representatives. We more than make up for it with our vast knowledge of important issues like that seemingly unknown Youtube video has gone viral and which celebrity is marrying who. I’m looking at you Clooney.“ Jessica’s overdub said in a forced proper tone as the footage continued to run. Soon afterwards the camera which still showing birds-eye view shots of New York panned upwards with great speed like google maps to show stationary shot of the entire planet. “But for those who live in much further, seriously less awesome, cultures things... couldn't be more different!”

The camera shot of Earth then began to pan slowly to the left only to widely swing and fly forwards in such a way that left people wondering if this really was a digital animation or real life, considering the story. The camera then zoomed in past a small cluster of stars only to zero in on one planet which was as brightly colored as it’s inhabitants.

”Take of culture of talking ponies known as Equestria for example where, according to various studies, nearly every citizens has basic knowledge and understanding of important figures both in and outside of their own community.” Jessica continued as reused stock footage of ponies either wandering around, or talking to each other filled the screen. This scene was short lived however as it transitioned to multiples graphs flying on the screen, giving the viewer little time to read it before Jessica finished explaining it. “A report conducted by pony researchers of at Canterlot State University states that 94% of Equestrian citizens not only know who their respective representatives but have also at one point written to them about important issues. According to a census done by researchers in Manehatten 87%, ponies who live in town that have a democracy based government, knows who ever pony is on a voting ballot. And, this shit is true I’m not making this up, 99.9% of ponies know who Celestia is! You wanna know who that .1 percent of people are? Freaking babies who can’t even talk yet.”

The next scene showed Jessica standing in the middle of a semi-busy road shaking her head and looking frustrated as ponies walking past here. For this establishing shot the ponies in the area were asked to pretend to be busy and try their best to ignore her. Though the handful of glancing eyes and gawked stares were still inevitable as they were not at all used to see a six foot tall black women with braided hair that went down to her chest.

”But aaaanyone can fake a proper scientific report that takes years of calculated research done by top professionals in respected academic fields. No, if this reporter wanted to find the truth about this topic she needed to go straight to the source.The people themselves!” The overdub said as on screen Jessica, with new purpose, bolted down the road only to the have the scene change to her standing next to a pony while adjusting herself. “I took to the streets to see just how knowledge these four legged creatures actually were!

“Okay so I’m going to ask you a question about local figure heads and I want you to try and answer the best you can.” Jessica explained to a pink pegasus with multi-yellow streaked hair. “Understand?”

“Yes I do!” The giddy pony said unable to decide whether to star at the towering human looming over her or at the camera man.

“Now don’t feel like you need to respond right away.” Jessica continued. “I understand if you get stuck so take as much time as you need to answer.”

“Okay!” the pony responded now using her gift of flight to get on Jessica’s eye level, clearly still excited.

“Okay now who-- are you sure you’re ready?” Jessica said holding her hand out defensibly.

“Mm hmm!” the pegasus hummed.

“Okay then... who is... the highest ranking political representative in your district!? Jessica finally asked.

“Mayor Mare!” The pony shouted which made the human viewer lean back in surprise as she pretended to suffer from ear pains.

“Okay wow... you uh... didn’t even have to think about it did ya?” Jessica asked.

“No not really,” the pegasus chuckled. “She’s been our mayor for a real long time now and... in fact... she’s right over there.”

Before Jessica had the chance to shockingly spin around the camera panned out to get a wider view of the almost empty street they occupied to show that the town mayor was indeed close by. Chatting with a friend as they both did their shopping.

“Hi Mayor Mare!” The pegasus called out.

“Oh, hello Spring Wind.” Mayor Mare waved back.

”Okay that one didn’t count! I mean c’mon A pony called Mayor MARE in a place called PONYville. That’s way to easy to remember! I mean hell, I’d know who my Senator was if his name was Human Mc Dude guy.” Jessica’s overdub said as her on screen person walked off in a huff only for the there to be a transition with her now standing similarly with a new pony, this time with Jessica having the crouch down since it was a foal. “I mean sure an adult pony would know this stuff but let’s see how just how knowledgeable their children are.”

“And what’s your name?” Jessica asked the little green earthpony with pink hair.

“Tea leaf.” She answered

“Okay Tea Leaf I’m going to ask you a question about Ponyville and I want you to answer it. Got it?” Jessica asked with the filly nodding her head. “Okay... who... was the founder of Ponyville.”

“Uuuuuh... OH I know who!” She shrieked. “It was ‘Chancellor Puddinghead.’”

“Wrong it’s-- wait really?” Jessica asked, now befuddled. “I thought Celestia founded this place.”

“Nope. She owned the land it along time ago cause she’s the princess but it wasn’t until a whole buncha families came along and started establishing settlements that it became an actual town.” the little pony explained. “They asked and Celestia said they can have it, but before that it was just a buncha nothing.”

“Alright, alright you got me there... but you’re so smart then answer this one!” Jessica said before looking back at her notes. “Who is... the leader of Saddle Arabia.”

“Uuuum... that would be... an earth pony named Amira.” the young pony answered correctly.

“Okay seriously how are you doing this.” Jessica asked which made the filly giggle. “How... how do you know all this stuff?” Jessica asked

“I learned it in school.” she answered.

“So you’re telling me the youth of Equestria actually learn things in school about their culture, retain it, and actually remember it further down the line as everyday knowledge?” Jessica demanded to know in a panicked voice. “I-is that what you’re telling me.”

“Yep.” she said.

“What the hell kind of place is this!?” Jessica asked as she turned to look over her shoulder and then in all directions.

”Could it really be true? Could it be that the reason citizens from Equestria know so much about their own people is because they learned it all in school? Can there really be a direct correlation between the amount of knowledge someone has and the amount of education they received?” Jessica’s overdub contemplated as the next scene depicted her in a train getting which was just starting to reach it’s terminous. “To test this theory I ventured to one of the most educated cities in Equestria, Canterlot, a place with some of the longest running institutes of learning. To see just how smart these guys really are.”

The next scene showed Jessica walking down a street in canterlot proper with the camera facing the back of her head only to shift dramatically to show her stern face. As with the Ponyville segment in transitioned with her standing to the side of a pony.

“Okay so... who is the highest ranking political figure in your city?” Jessic asked a random pony she managed to snag, in this case a silver stallion with a magenta mane that barely covered his horn.

“That would of course be Princess Celestia.” He answered before the camera transitioned to Jessica standing next to an off white mare with golden hair. She was asked the same question but the scene had already skipped ahead for the benefit of the viewer.

“She rules over Canterlot, as well as all of Equestria side by side with her sister.” she answered before the scene changed again to yet another pony.

“Of course she didn’t always govern these lands with Luna.” A new pony said, each jump forward depicted Jessica getting more and more frustrated.

“Over a 1000 years ago, when Luna tried to take over the kingdom, Celestia banished her to the moon.”

“At the time Celestia ruled all by herself since Cadance was too young to help run things.”

“A few years back we actually had a three-way monarchy here in Canterlot for the first time, between Celestia, Luna, and Cadance.”

“This was short lived however because Cadence eventually left live at the Crystal Empire where she is now her own Princess.” The final pony said, with Jessica looking tired. “Along side her husband Shining Armour who used to be captain of the guards here in Canterlot as well as--”

”Holy shit these dudes really do know everything! But what was it that made it their education system so much better than ours?” Jessica’s overdubbing stated while the on screen interview was still going on, though was now much harder to actually hear. “How could it be that their citizens were so much more enlightened than ours to the point that-- holy shit is this pony still talking!?

The crowd laughed at on screen Jessica who was still holding the microphone non-committally at the pony, looking like she was either bored or very annoyed. The laughter still continued as the camera shifted to a new scene which showed Jessica walking through Canterlot Castle.

“To help me get to the bottom of all this I set out to Canterlot Castle to talk with this world most powerful and influential leader, Princess Celestia.” Jessica said as the screen showed stock footage of Celestia signing papers, chatting with other ponies, and walking towards the camera in an establishing shot. “To get her opinion on what made her citizens so knowledgeable on the subject of important and iconic figures.”

“So I’ve been interviewing some of your people lately and I’ve noticed that they are like... hella smart about stuff.” Jessica said with accompanying hand motions to make her point with Celestia chuckling. “The general census seems to be that the reason equestrian citizens know so much about their own people is because your education system which. Is this true?”

“Absolutely! I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging but Equestria, Canterlot in particular, has some of the finest institutes available for properly developing the minds of young ponies.” Celestia answered. “The reason being that here in our world we put--”

“I-I’m sorry I just... I just wanna say... holy shit! I can’t believe I’m actually talking with Princess Celestia!” Jessica shrieked with her hand clenched fist against her mouth. “Hell yeah! I knew if I kept working at this dead-end job It would eventually pay off!”

Usually Celestia would be quite adept to responding to such outbursts from adoring fans but her claims towards the end left her awkwardly trying her best to not look at the camera while Jessica began to fish around in her front pocket for something.

“Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up, let me get a get a quick picture so I can show my home girls!” Jessica said before getting up from her seat.

Without asking she rounded Celestia’s chair and wrapped her arm around her shoulder while standing behind her, leaning against her in such a way to put emphasis on how much taller she was. Having Jessica practically engulf her from behind Celestia didn’t even notice that she, with her free hand, had she swung her phone around to the front.

“Okay! Strike a pose!” Jessica instructed.

“Um wha--” Celestia managed to say before was caught off guard by a bright flash of light. She wouldn't seen it right away but this was once case where Jessica’s duck face wasn’t the most ridiculous looking expression when compared to Celestia’s unappealing look of confusion.

By the time her vision had returned Jessica had already sat back down and was now playing with her phone. She made sure to set the volume on high prior so that it was clear she was typing away.

“Oh hell yeah this one came out nice! I’m so tweeting this!” Jessica said before noticing that Celestia was still present. “Oh yeah uh... go ahead and talk about your education thing or... whatever.”

This was an act. She knew it was an act. But like a peice of bread coming out of a toaster she saw it coming but it still surprised her.

“Well I... y-yes as... I was saying... w-we here in Equestria put a great deal of emphasis on our education system. As cliche as it may sound, It’s our philosophy that children are indeed the future. Canterlot in particular always sets aside massive fundings for schools both private and public. This makes attending very affordable and gratifyingly many other states have followed our example.” Celestia managed to say. “This development has made it so being a teacher is now one of the highest paying jobs in our community which makes it one of the most sought after careers one can have. This of course means that more ponies want to become instructors which means more opportunities for the children to learn.”

This statement alone was enough to make Jessica look up from her phone.

“I don’t want to go into any deep details otherwise we’ll be here all day, but basically our education system is based on the idea that every student learns differently. We use teaching styles to better cater to each students preferred styles.” Celestia explained. “For example lets say a group of students do better through positive reinforcements while another excels more with negative reinforcements. Obviously having teaching both groups at the same time wouldn't work so in that scenario we would have two classes teaching the same subject, each with a different teaching format. And this is made possible with the amount of resources this provided.”

There was no follow up question from Jessica. Instead just a vacant stare of continued disbelief.

“Also our second most popular career field is science and medicine,” Celestia added. “Which devotes a substantial amount of time and energy in figuring out ways to improve our education.”

The crowd laughed at Jessica throwing her hands in in frustration as the camera turned to show Celestia almost looking proud.

“Holy shit no wonder you guys know so much! How the hell do you guys manage all of that!? ” She demanded to know. “I mean... hell back I come from our schools are so underfunded and understaffed I had to kill my friend just to get her spot on the waiting list at a community college. And don’t even ask about what I had to do to attend CSU, Long Beach.”

“Well I’m certainly no expert on human culture but from what I have I have learned through all my years of watching your programs I think the issue lies with proper funding distribution.” Celestia answered. “It is my understanding that your government puts a heavy emphasis on its military over all other bureaus. But over here it’s somewhat of the opposite.”

“That’s right. Back in the human world you can add up the fundings education got in the past ten years and it wouldn't even come close the what our military gets in one year!” Jessica’s overdub stated as the scene transitioned to an animated bar graph. “However, according to studies done by researchers here in Canterlot it is indeed the opposite. Their military is one of the lowest funded department. In fact, statistically speaking whenever there's a spike in the amount of funding that education gets the usual department that’s gets cut is, you guessed it, their military.”

“So y’all like... don’t have an army?” Jessa motioned with a shrug.

“Not in the strictest sense of the world no.” She answered. “Many towns have private militias occupied by townspeople and here in Canterlot our royal guards double as our law enforcers. Even Cloudsdale’s own beloved entertainers the Wonder Bolts are swift first responders for whatever crises arises in the area.”

”So that’s how they do it here? Say what you will about America but if a giant monster ever attacked us we’d take that fucker down down in 20 seconds flat.” Jessica stated now with her back on the streets. “But here in Equestria if an ancient evil rises from the depths of hell and kill 99% of the population you can be sure that future generations will be smart enough to know the name of the guy who did it.”

The crowd laughed before and during another transition shot that showed Jessica back on random streets in unspecified towns. The shot included her walking down said street looking in all directions thoughtfully as the voice over came back.

”So it seems despite no one ever wearing any clothes everyone has a pair of smarty pants lying around ” Jessica explained as she took a turn around a corner, the camera fading and coming back to herself back into the Main Canterlot directory. “I still didn’t believe that every single pony can be this knowledgeable so I spent the rest of day Interviewing as many ponies as I could... and well... yeah, this is what I found.”

The voice faded to show jump cuts of multiple interviews conducted by Jessica on a variety of ponies and town. Each edited to just show them giving the right answer to every question she had prepared..

“Celestia.”

“Luna.”

“Baltimare.”

“10, 000 years ago.”

“Starswirl the Bearded.”

“Winter Wrap up.”

“The Crystal Empire.

“General Firefly.”

“And this light switch controls the lights.” A pony in his own house demonstrated by flicking a switch before going to the one right next to it. “And this one controls the ceiling fan.”

After the last pony gave an answer the screen showed Jessica walking back into the streets of whatever city she was in. Soon after she was now depicted interviewing random passing ponies only this time her on screen person was mute so that her overdub could have emphasis.

”Okay so maybe this world was way smarter than us, for obvious reasons, but that doesn’t mean they’re without fault. No one is perfect which is why a majority of Americans can’t even name all 50 states” Jessica’s voice said as she continued to go from pony to pony on screen. “I had just about given hope of finding something they didn’t know when something incredible happened.

“... and it’s because of her that why we celebrate it at the end of each winter.” A pony finished answering as the audio came back mid sentence.

“Uuuuuh... okay find, new topic.” Jessica dejectedly sighed as she briefly glanced at her notes. “Who are... theeee elements of harmony?”

“The elements of Harmony are split between six categories,” the pony answered. “Magic, laughter, generosity...”

”Wait, hold up.” Jessica said as the camera switched to show her now surprised facial pause.

“...kindness, loya--” The pony continued.

“No, no, no, no. I didn’t say what are the elements of Harmony,” Jessica interrupted. “I asked WHO are the elements of harmony. I’m asking if you know who are the ones who control them.”

“Oh, uuuuh... okay, um,” The pony stammered. “Well... I-- okay let’s see here.”

The more the interview stammered the more his voice began to trail until he eventually remained silent in favor of concentrating on an answer. His mouth moved as he mouthed off ideas there were forming in his head. But neither a definitive or an attempt at answering. He was stumped.

”Holy shit I think I found it!” Jessica announced as the scene shifted to another pony.

“Who are the Elements of Harmony?” Jessica saying getting right to the point. “And just to be clear I’m asking who now own them not what they are.”

“Okay, so the elements of harmony...” The new pony stalled. “Let’s... let’s see...”

Before she could finish the camera transitioned to another pony who, like the previous two, were asked the same question. Resulting in a predictable outcome.

“Uuuumm... the uh... oh gosh I know this one.” She said before the camera went from new pony to new pony.

“Well they are the... um... okay I know they exist.”

“Okay so the elements used to belong to... oh, right now any more so now they... um.”

“Well surely one would think that... they... okay give me a minute to think...”

“The... the elements are... I mean they belooong to... um... shoot! I know this one!”

“The elements are owned by somepony know? OH RIGHT THEY ARE! That’s right, that’s right they belong to... to... um... wait a minute... hmm...”

“Um... okay... they are... um... they... um... belong to... um.. c-could you give me a hint?” One pony mother standing next to her kids asked.

“Yeah, they all live in this very town?” Jessica answered as the camera panned out to reveal that this particular interviewing was taking place in Ponyville.

“Wait really!?” She responded.

“Are you serious right now!?” Jessica countered now motioning to her foals. “You and your kids would probably be dead if it weren’t for them.”

“Okay gimme a sec to think!” The pony asked.

”Holy shit! It seems like these ponies know just about everything about everyone... except for Twilight and her friends. I mean how the hell do you know or recognize someone as important as a pony who saved their asses multiple times!?” Jessica questioned as the scene changed to show her now inside a building as she sat down opposite of her next guests. “To get their thoughts on this matter I sat down with the owners of the Elements, otherwise known as the Mane 6.”

“So how do you guys feel knowing that you... the owners of the elements of harmony, literally the protectors of all that is Equestria! The living embodiments of the Elements that make up this world! Who have harnessed the power of Harmony, making you the single more powerful entity in this entire universe!” Jessica built up with the camera still on her the entire time. “How does it feel knowing that you're practically unknowns among your own people.”

With that the camera finally shifted to show the six ponies sitting across from her. Already the audience started to laugh.

“Um... we’re not... the owners of the Elements of harmony.” One point said.

“Yeah I’m... pretty sure you got the wrong ponies, miss.” Added another.

The laughter only grew when a very confused looked Jessica dug her hand into her pocket to pull out a photo. A photograph which depicted the man 6 and their respective pets standing in a group pose for a camera. She glared it for a moment before looking back over at her current guests.

The camera angle changed once again to an over the shoulder shot that showed the picture being held by her. She then moved said picture off to the side with the camera still in the previous position to show the six ponies in the background ahead. Switching from moving the picture in front of viewers to moving it away she eventually held it off to the side so the camera could get a good shot of a side by side comparison.

And while the ponies present did very much look like the ponies in the picture (such as color schemes being close if not exactly the same) there were some tell tale signs that Jessica got the wrong guests. There were less noticeable differences like different shades of hues in one’s mane and coat and hair styles being off. But when viewed together one could see how some ponies didn’t match up in terms of gender, subspecies of pony, and the fact that one of them was a donkey.

“Oh whoops... sorry,” Jessica apologized as she began to get up from her seat. “I must have grabbed the wrong ponies... my bad.”

Before anyone in the room had time to respond Jessica had already exited the room. But not before turning off the lights and leaving the six random would be guests alone and confused in the random house the show rented out for this report.

”Okay so that didn’t work out as planned. Let’s try that again?” Jessica said as her on screen self checked the picture again, looked around with one hand shielding her eyes, then walked down another street at a quick jogging pace. The camera changed angle adequately show both her and her picture she was staring at, only to pan upwards to reveal a large gathering of ponies in front of her. For someone like Jessica who didn’t live among them they all looked very similar save hairstyles and color palettes. “Huh... yeah this story may take awhile.”

The camera did a quick close up of Jessica’s face before the sound of cheering could be heard as the camera switched back to Jon sitting at his desk trying his best not to laugh or shows signs of enjoying himself too much.

“Jessica Williams everybody,” Jon said. “We’ll be right back.”

With the Jon swiveled slightly in his chair to arrange his notes as the Daily Show logo eclipsed him as the sound and sight of the show faded in favor of another commercial break.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Jessica Williams 2 (Rough Draft)

After a successful first segment the Daily Show swiftly returned to the usual sound of cheering audience members, stock footage, swooping visuals, and Jon bouncing in his chair as the camera zoomed in on him.

He himself was probably the most excited as he was looking forward to the second installment of an ongoing report.

“Hey everyone welcome back! As you know our own Jessica williams has been in Equestria recently... to uh-- doing an ongoing coverage of how their citizens... uh, are more knowledgeable about basic historical and publish figures than we are.” Jon reminded. “This is her last day and you won’t believe what she has found.”

The sound of cheering quickly came and subsided as the next scene showed Jessica having walking towards the camera on a random walkway, not paying attention to where she was going as her face was buried in a picture of hers. A look of emphasized realization came over the actors face right before turning a corner to go to her desired location. The entire time her voice playing over the footage.

”For the past few days I’ve been interviewing random ponies all over Equestria to see how much they knew about their own people. And for while it seemed like their knowledge was quite expansive... that is until I asked about The Mane 6. I wanted to ask them how they felt about this but it was... hard finding them when no one seemed to know who they were,” Jessica recapped as the footage of her showed that she had just entered Twilight’s treehouse library and was now sitting in her chair. “Eventually I did find these elusive ponies and managed to sit down with them to get their opinion on this matter.”

Like before Jessica held up the picture alongside the six guests sitting across from her. The second the camera did an over the shoulder shot of them the audience immediately began to cheer; even without the photo they could tell that this time she got the real ponies and verbally acted accordingly.

Even though Jessica herself knew that she now had the right ponies, and indeed even met most of them back home, she still had a look of uncertainty as she compared them to her photo. Having her still unsure of their identities was as much as it was a stalling tactic so that the crowd could continue to applaud.

Rather than paying any attention each member was passing the time doing there own thing. Rarity was fixing her hair, Rainbow Dash was asleep, Twilight was reading a book, Fluttershy was trying to settle down her pet rabbit who had tagged along, and Applejack was having a snack. The only one even looking straight ahead was Pinkie Pie who for some reason couldn't keep her eyes off of Jessica. Though eventually all eyes would be on her when she eventually spoke up.

“Hey you two,” she said, now pointing to Rarity and Applejack. “Switch places.”

There was a moment of odd looks before both mares followed her instructions and took each others seat. When the camera panned back to over Jessica’s shoulder it was revealed that doing so made them look more like the picture as they were now in the same positions placement wise.

”Yep these guys are definitely them!” Jessica’s overdub said as her on screen self placed the photo back in her pocket. And pretend to look at her notes before beginning the interview. “I finally found them! But even as I sit here I can only imagine what realms of identity crisis these 6 are trapped within. To devote your life to protecting others only for them to turn around and look upon you with anonymity. The injustice of it all must be overwhelming crushing to their sense of morality and it was my job to approach the subject with the utmost respect and sensitivity that could only come from years of professional journalist training and experience.”

“So y’all know that no one here in Equestria know who are right?” Jessica asked which made the six friends look at her confusedly while the editing made it so they would continued only after the audience as done laughing.

“Uh... excuse me?” Twilight asked.

“ What I mean is II’ve been around this place trying to see if anyone knew you guys as the Elements of Harmony and no one even heard of ya... I mean, what the hell?” Jessica elaborated. “You guys have done so much for this world in recent years but...well I hate to say it but it seems to be like no one seems to know you exist.”

“Oh well... that’s... not true at all,” Fluttershy spoke up only to wince once Jessica looked in her direction. “Um... I mean... plenty of ponies know... um who we are.”

“Certainly,” Rarity commented. “To suggest that no pony even knows of us is preposterous.”

“Yeah, you say that but from what I found that’s not the case,” Jessica countered. “You guys are the Mane 6 right? Master of the elements who save the world right? So why aren’t these people worshiping the ground you walk on, or going out of your way to do you favors or.... for god’s sake how can any of you walk down the streets without someone saying ‘hey thanks for saving my life?’”

“If I could just interject here for a moment... I like to think that many ponies do, in fact, know of our good deeds by prefer to acknowledge and and thank us in their own ways,” Twilight theorized. “If you think about it if we got hounded everywhere we went for the things we did, even if they were just praising us, we’d never get any work done.”

“Exactly. Just because not every single pony know who we are doesn’t mean we’re not important!” Rainbow Dash Challenged.

“That’s right sugar cube, we all play an important role here in Ponyville,” Applejack added. “I run the local apple orchard, Rarity here is our seamstress, Pinkie here does great work as a pastry chef over at--”

“I’m... I’m sorry but... how can you guys be talking about your day jobs at a time like this!?” Jessica interrupted. “You six have literally saved the world multiple times and barely anyone knows or seems to care! Doesn’t that bother you!?”

“Well... um... no not really.” Fluttershy answered. “Um... that is... I... well... using our elements I mean... isn’t... all we do.”

“What?” Jessica said not out of confusion but because she could barely hear her.

“I think what Fluttershy is tryin’ to say is that even though we’re owners of the Elements of Harmony that don’t mean we ain't have our own goals and dream to follow.” Applejack pointed out with all of her friends nodding in agreement except for Pinkie who was still staring at Jessica. “Now before y’all interrupted me I was saying how we each got our own things to worry about. I work a farm, Rarity makes clothes, Pinkie cooks pastries, Dash controls the weather, Fluttershy trains animals and Twi here is Princess.”

“We try to define ourselves not through our heroic exploits but by our special talents,” Rarity said with a hair flip for emphasis. “Saving the world can be very tiresome. Can you imagine what it would be like if--

“OH I JUST GOT IT! I finally figured out who you are!” Pinkie Pie blurted out as she pointed to Jessica. Earning herself, among a few frightened gasps and Fluttershy falling out of her chair, the attention of everyone in the room. “You’re that famous tennis lady they sometimes talk about on TV!”

The room suddenly went silent.

There was an air of confusion that laid heavy over everyone's head and all but Pinkie herself looked uncertain of where to go from here. Certainly any references to human media would be difficult for a pony to decipher which left Jessica to figure out what this sudden outburst meant. It only took her a few seconds to put two and two together.

“Uh no... you’re thinking of Serena Williams.” Jessica corrected.

“Oopsy!” Pinkie Pie chirped as she sat back down. “My mistake!”

And for the first time since her arrival the six-foot-tall black woman with dreads wanted the center of attention in the room. All eyes were now on Pinkie with varying degrees of wonderment for her misplaced claims. Rainbow Dash herself looked like she was about to say something to her but instead slapped her face with her hoof and groaned.

“Anyway... as we were saying,” Twilight said in an attempt to get back on track. “I think what we’re trying to say here is that have ambitions in life that don’t involve the elements.”

“Yeah don’t get me wrong, saving ponies from evil is cool and all,” Rainbow Dash added. “Buuuut I would much rather be remembered for other stuff. Like when I’ll someday become captain of the Wonder Bolts!”

“Right, and how many more years of being member till you can achieve that ranking?” Jessica asked, her question causing the once proud looking Dash to slump slightly in her chair.

“Well... I’m not actually a member... yet.” Rainbow Dash answered.

“You’d think saving the world multiple times would be enough to get you entry.” Jessica pointed out before turning her attention. “And as for you Rarity...”

Having her name mentioned made the proper pony jump slightly as Jessica paused to glance at her notes then back at her.

“... It says here that often travel to cities like Canterlot and Manehatten quite a lot for your work.” Jessica continued.

“Well of course darling! I am Ponyville’s premiere fashionista so I do feel like I need to network my self every now and again.” She explalined. “Some of my best connections have come about from those little excursions.”

“Yeah well according to sources the first time you were invited to Canterlot a few years back you almost missed Twilight birthday to mingle with local ponies to try... as you put it ‘to be a very important pony’... you even went as far as lying about Rainbow Dash being a trainer of the wonderbolts to do so,” Jessica reminded with Rarity now nervously looking around suspiciously. “How does saving the kingdom from Nightmare moon not count as being important? And did it not occur to you mention this to them when they asked about you and your friends? These people should be sucking up to you, not the other way around is what I’m saying here! When was the last time someone did something for you just because you were Rarity.”

The way she phrased her question, and the fact that she dredged up old follies on her part, made the Unicorn somewhat annoyed. Which was very apparent in her tone when answer.

“I’ll have you know ponies do nice things on my behalf all the time!” she huffed with her friends looking in her direction. “I recall the last time I was in Manhattan, again to show of a new line of wardrobes, and some very helpful ponies helped me make it to the contest on time!”

“Oh... well... that’s... that’s great!” Jessica said with new found hope. “So tell me why did they help you! We’re they once corrupted by Discord before you imprisoned him? Oh, oh, oh or did your helping to defeat Queen Chrysalis save their family or something like that!?”

The mane 6 knew where Jessica was going with this which is why they each glanced at each other wondering who would answer first. When no one did Rarity took it upon herself to break it to her.

“Well actually darling they... that is to say the ponies who helped me did so because I and my friends had helped them with their own personal problem prior that day,” Rarity explained. “Not because of any world saving side notes or anything to that affect.”

Hope was thusly shattered as Jessica thought she was finally getting somwhere here.

“That was actually a super deduperrific day!” Pinkie Pie interjected. “We met a buncha nice ponies.”

“That’s right Pinkie Pie and we also learned very valuable lessons in Friendship as well,” Twilight added. “You see that day Rarity was almost late for her event. And after I couldn’t get a stage coach for her this nice pony offered a ride for free since--”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa back up there Sparkles!” Jessica interrupted with a surprised look about her. “G-go back a bit there? You said you couldn’t get a stage coach for her?”

“Um... y-yes that’s correct.” Twilight confirmed.

“So you’re telling me that you... Princess Twilight Sparkle couldn't even hail a cab for your friend,” Jessica asked. “A friend who has helped you save this world multiple times.”

The only response she got from Twilight was stone cold silence which was more than enough for Jessica to confirm her suspicions.

”Jesus Christ I didn’t think it was this bad!” The overdub said as Jessica slapped both hands cross her face in silent contempt . “There has got to be someone out there who know these ponies as more than just a party planner or a librarian.”quote]

Despite her still wallowing in her own frustration the editing jumped ahead in the interview only slightly to a point where Twilight was now holding her hoof in the air for attention. This jump cut also had Jessica ready again to progress through the interview.

“Can I ask something? You say you’ve asked around to see if anyone knew who we are and you claim that no one did,” Twilight reminded. “Exactly... what kind of experiment did you conduct.”

The general rule of thumb for a correspondent when doing a mock-report like this was to remain as composed as possible and to only give way to emotion to emphasize a comedic jab. Like one were to joke about the world ending you could scream and yell while diving under a desk, or act complacent to illustrate the hypocrisy of a persona’s claims.

Other than that you were supposed to show no emotion but rather let the interviewee talk long enough to put their foot in their own mouth. In this case however Jessica had to use all her strength to not burst out laughing at Twilight’s wanting to know about her interviewing tactics. Jessica knew she was a huge nerd but damn.

“Well Twilight,” Jessica began by looking down at her notes to hide her smile. “What I did was I went to random ponies in nearby cities and asked them if they knew... who controlled the elements of harmony. Each one came up not in your guys’ favor.”

“Well see there’s your problem! That’s no way to conduct a survey.” Twilight said. “You see Jessica the methodology of census taking is a long and interesting history with a wide selection of styles and formats to choose from.”

Her friends knew Twilight much more than Jessica did so they saw this lecture coming a mile away. Some of them snickered in it’s anticipation while a choice few rolled their eyes playfully which made the audience laugh. Jessica herself was left looking preemptively bored.

“You see in the world statistics you have Probable and non probable samples. One the one hoof there’s: Simple random sampling, Stratified sampling, Cluster sampling, Multistage sampling, and my personal favorite Systematic random sampling.” Twilight explained with Jessica looking in her direction but completely zoning out. “Then there’s Voluntary and convenience sample which is more akin to what you were doing. Not to mention when doing a survey one needs to take into consideration factors like the phrase of the question, which demographic your targeting and of course--”

“Oh, oh, oh I have an idea!” Pinkie Pie interrupted by flailing her hoofs around. “Why don’t you you try seeing if anypony recognizes through a picture!? Maybe then you’ll find a pony remembers.

The look of reflection on Jessica’s face was short lived as Twilight once again began to talk.

“Pinkie if she does that it will just negate my entire point.” Twilight countered. “Now then... let’s start with the basics... technically speaking random is in it’s inherent nature not random. So what I think you should do is Jessica should instead do, if she wants to do this right, is conduct a proper poll of a pre-set number of--”

Immediately Twilight was cut off by the sound of Jessica’s overdub talking over her lesson. The report was properly edited so it was clear that in real time Twilight was still explaining her ideas but from the point of view of the viewer her audio was muted so that, as well as it being funny, they could properly hear the narration.

”The pink one had a point. Before I was just asking people to remember a group of peoples just by inference alone.” Jessica said as the camera switched to her thinking to herself then back at Twilight who was still talking silently. “Maybe if they had a picture to help them then they’d do better this time.”

The next showed Jessica standing in the middle of another Equestrian city standing next to a green and orange pegasus mare. This time she was holding, in the hand closest to the pony, a microphone as per usual but in the other a larger version of the picture of the Mane Six from before.

’Once again I set out to interview the good people of Equestria to see if they were truly knowledge about all aspects of their lives. In this case if they knew who it was that protected them.” Jessica’s overdub continued. “And what I found was... ugh just... just take a look.”

“Okay, take a look at this,” Jessica began as she showed the random pony the photo, the camera quickly switching to a POV shot of the photograph so viewers were reminded of what it looked. “Now then... do you recognize anypony in this picture?”

“Uuuh... no I do not,” the pony answered confidently only to notice the look of astonishment on Jessica’s face. “W-why... should I?”

”Of course.” Jessica sighed before the editing cycles of other ponies being asked the same question sped by.

“Nope. Sorry I don’t”

“No. I mean I don’t think I know any of these mares.”

“They kinda look familiar but no I don’t recognize any of these ponies.”

“Sorry haven’t a clue.”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Nu-uh.”

“I don’t think so.”

“The yellow one on the far right looks like kinda cute,” One stallion commented before snapping back to reality. “Oh uh, but to answer no I don’t.”

”For awhile I was seriously considering just giving up,” Jessica’s overdub admitted as she approached a new pony on screen. “But just when I thought I had hit rock bottom... a miracle happened!”

“Okay let’s um... yeah let’s just get this over with,” Jessica sighed to the yellow stallion with long unkempt orange hair as she presented the photo unceremoniously to the point that she almost slapped him in the face with it, “Do you recognize anyone in this picture.”

The stallion in question took a step back only to lean forward to study the picture. Afterwhile he lit up and pointed his hoof almost at the deadcenter of the photo.

“I sure do! That there is Applejack!” he answered. “And in this picture she’s surrounded by all her pals!”

If the daily show had the budget for it this would be the part where corus songs would be singing in Jessica’s head as she slow motioned to look at the point in his eyes. Her face said it all really. She was surprised yes but at same time overflowing with joy.

“T-that’s... oh... my god that’s... that’s right! That’s exactly who they are!” Jessica said enthusiastically as she turned to run up and yell as passing ponies. “This... this guys knows somepony in this picture... THIS GUYS KNOWS!”

Some ponies were already watching from the side lines though some were now backing away from the loud human. Jogging her back to the stallion who almost looked like he was ready to run himself she quickly took a few breathes to ready herself.

“Okay! O-o-okay l-l-l-let’s do this right! Okay so you... you picked out Applejack from this photo... okay that’s good, that’s good!” She reflected. “Okay now then... where do you know her from!?”

”This was it! All the wasted hours talking to pony after pony was finally going to pay off!” Jessica’s said as the on screen stallion took a second to answer. “Finally I was going to hear those sweet, sweet words I’ve been longing to hear for day snow.”

“Oh well she’s my cousin.” the pony answered.

”Finally! After countless-- wait what?”

“I’m... sorry what was that?” Jessica asked as she shook her head and placed a finger in her ear to try and unblock whatever it was that surely made her hear wrong. “She’s... she’s your what now?”

“She’s my cousin,” the stallion repeated which seemed to only further confuse her. “The names Braeburn, a mighty pleasure it is to make your acquaintance. I live here in Aaaaapploosa with the rest of my family who happen to be related to ol’ Applejack there. Heck of a gal that young mare is.”

“Oh... I... didn’t know Applejack had extended family,” Jessica admitted as she took a second to look at the photo. “B-but you also know her as one of the controls of the elements of harmony right?”

“The what now?” Braeburn asked.

And with that sense of accomplishment once felt by the reported washed away leaving nothing but a the now husk of a woman. Rather than voicing her frustration a she usually did Jessica simply walked away and said nothing in favor of her overdub to fill in the blanks.

”Okay that one also didn’t count,” Jessica’s overdub said as the scene switched to her now next to a new pony in a new town. “Let’s try again for real this time.”

“Now then I’m going to show you a picture and I want you to tell me if you recognize anyone on it,” Jessica explained with the pony nodding in understanding prompting Jessica to show her hand. “Okay... does anyone here seem familiar to you?”

Had the camera not panned in to show the pony’s look of realization the viewers would have seen a smile appear over Jessica’s face.

“Hey! That’s Applejack!” The pony said. “Boy I haven’t seen her in years.”

“Yes finally! I’ve... I’ve been all over this world and... well it’s about time,” Jessica exclaimed with the pony looking a bit confused by he. “So tell me... how do you know Applejack? Let me guess... she’s helped you before right... like say... saved you... almost in a heroic way... right?”

“Well I should say so. That’s gal’s saved my flank on countless occasions,” The pony answered with a chuckle. “Buy hey that’s what families for right.”

“Yeah I guess that’s-- wait... family?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah we’re cousins.” The pony answered as the crowd laughed at the sight of Jessica dropping her notes on the floor. “I have a farm just a few miles outside the city limits and whenever she swings by for a delivery she always helps bring in the harvest. Real helpful that one is. You know she once--”

At the last second the camera panned out to show the pony now alone as Jessica walked away mid explanation. The sound of laughter continued even after the scene switched to her standing with a new pony, editing so that it skipped the part where she asked the same recurring question.
Despite this they still got the same answer.

“Yep, that’s Applejack alright,” The pony said. “I recognize my cousin anywhere.”

“Are you serious?” Jessica asked. “You know her only as a family member too?”

“Sure do!” he replied. “What’s she’s been up lately?”

”This can’t be happening,” Jessica said as the scene switched to her now inside a new location which most viewers recognized as city and a few of them knowledgeable enough to see that it was Manehatten. Again standing with another pony. “Okay here we go! There’s no way some farm pony will have family here in the city.”

Viewers now saw her inside a lavish looking home standing side to side with a well dressed pony wearing a flowing white gown that matched her mane which was properly groomed in a beehive style perm. For this interview the camera’s lights from off camera had to be adjusted so they wouldn’t bounce too much off her jewlery.

“Do you recognize anyone in this picture?” Jessica asked getting straight to the point. This new pony tilted her head to the side to study the picture for a bit. For a second she looked like she was about to answer before placing her hoof over her mouth in thought. She had an idea but she wasn’t quite sure. “Anyone at all.”

“Hmm... actually... yeah I think I recognize that orange one to the left. She looks rather familiar.” She said before a look of enlightenment sprung across her face. “Ah now I remember that’s Applejack!”.

Despite her giving the right answer Jessica looked at her suspiciously. She didn’t have the standard accent and by the looks of her attire and home she looked as if she has never in her life did an ounce of manual labor. But she did pick out Applejack which made her very suspicious.

“How... how exactly do you know Applejack?” Jessica asked with squinted eyes. “Please don’t tell me you two are from the same family.”

“Oh heavens no we’re not related,” she answered which made Jessica take a sigh relief. “Well... at least not yet.” Her relief was short lived.

“Yet?” Jessica asked.

“Yes, I’m not related to her.” She echoed. “But my fiance is. The two of them our cousins.”

The camera zoomed in on Jessica, blanked face and slightly shaking like she was rendered frozen by her response. The crowd laughed as she held her trembling hand up to give a sign that she needed a minute.

“Would... would you... excuse me for a second.” Jessica asked without waiting for an answer as she walked off screen only to immediately find herself back at Twilight’s tree house sitting in front of the Mane 6.

At first she said nothing though it was obvious that she was staring directly at Applejack. The six friends picked up on this and were about to comment when she finally spoke up.

“Applejack!” Jessica said accusingly. “You... you have a lot of fucking family members out there, ya know that?”

“Darn tootin I do!” Applejack responded proudly. “Us Apples are all over Equestria! Why I reckon I gots me kin from here all the way to Manehatten.”

“Yeah I know! I just the spent the last I don’t know how many hours interview ponies and do you know what I found!?” Jessica asked. “Quite a number of ponies are related to Applejack here but still not a single person picked any of you out as an member of the Elements of Harmony... doesn’t that just piss you off!?”

All six friends merely shook their head in response, as if the topic and question it produced was worth the effort of giving a verbal answer.

“Seriously! Come one how can you... I mean... YOU! Come here!” Jessica blurted. Without asking she reached forward and with very little effort grabbed Fluttershy up from her seat and made her way to a window. In one full motion Jessica burst her way through the french doors where she presented a scared Fluttershy to a pair of passing ponies. “LOOK AT THIS PONY LOOK AT IT! YOU WOULD DEAD WITHOUT HER! HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HER!”

Rather than giving the answer she wanted the two mares ran up screaming in terror at this sudden outburst.

“S-sorry.” Fluttershy squeaked as Jessica watched them run away.

“You know what... no! It’s not going down like this!” Jessica said. “I’m going to find somepony out there who knows you for what you’ve done... or die trying!”

The audio feedback from her mic scratching as she quickly placed Fluttershy on the ground and walked outside the front door was the last thing heard from the interview as the edited footage showed her once again in a new town. Like before she was standing in front of a pony only this time jogging in place like she was trying to psych herself up.

“Okay... I can do this!... Do you-- hold on a sec,” Jessica instructed as she took out her photo and tore the left side off, which was the part that had Applejack on it. “Now then... do you recognize anyone in this picture!?”

Confused as to why he partially destroyed her own photo the pony came her a curious look before following her orders. There was a moment of dreadful silence before the pony pointed to the picture with his hoof.

“Yes I do.” He answered. “That’s Pinkie Pie.”

She knew better than to celebrate so early but the moment she heard this answer she immediately embraced the pony in a loving embrace . She didn’t say anything though; all she could do was smile at the very mention of a pony who, she herself, was an expert at the art.’

“That’s correct,” Jessica said calmly only after releasing him. “And how do you know Pinkie Pie?”

“She’s best friends with Applejack,” The pony answered to the now broken hearted Jessica. “Who by the way...”

“Please don’t say it,” Jessica said.

“... is my cousin.” the pony finished with his voice slightly trailing off when Jessica dropped the microphone.

The crowd laughter escalated to cheering as the scene quickly changed to a top down view of th emag of Equestria. Towards the center was a little icon depicting Jessica’s face was shown with a large trail of dotted lines in her wake.

The icon moved slightly before jumping up from the image so it could move across the picture to a section of the map that represented the Crystal Empire.

”Okay that’s it! Since this place seems to be overrun by these damn dirty apples I’m going to try something different and go to a whole new kingdom all together.”

The camera zoomed in on the map to show that Jessica was now in the middle of a snowstorm, in several layers of thick clothing as she made her way through frozen wastelands that surrounded the Crystal Kingdom. Even with the harsh surroundings the camera was still able to zoom in on an almost unrecognizable Jessica almost falling with each step.

Several edits suggested that she had been walking for some time before reaching her destination which was just outside the perimeter the Kingdom's defensive walls. Using her hand to remove her goggles she approached a pony who was conveniently already waiting for her at the main gate.

Carefully, so that it wouldn't blow away, she reached in her pocket and produced the now crumbled picture of Twilight and her friends. Save Applejack.

“Hey you!” Jessica yelled over the roar of the arctic wind, stopping every few seconds to take a breathe. “Do you... recognize anyone in this picture!”

The picture itself was flapping in all directions but still the pony managed to get a good enough look to formulate a proper response. Especially since Jessica was practically crawling through the snow to get here and was now in a slouched position; ideal for pony height.

“Yes I do!” The pony said in a similar volume and tone. “I know this guy very well in fact!”

It was hard to see past her face coverings but Jessica was once again all smiles but by this point was far too tired to visibly start celebrating.

“Okay! That’s fantastic! But tell me...where do you-- wait what did you just say?” Jessica asked in a clear voice and she stood up and the camera panned backwards to reveal that all the hectic snow and wind was being caused by some off screen Pegasi to create the illusion of harsh climates when in reality it was summer in the Crystal Empire. Stopping just short of having the sound of a record scratch to break the tension. “Did.. you say ‘guy?’”

“Uh yeah,” the pony said now pointing to the center of the picture near where Twilight was standing. “Everypony in the Crystal Empire knows who spike is.”

Like in previous shots the camera switched to an over the shoulder view- only this time from the perspective of the pony to show where he was pointing at. After this was established Jessica took the photo and examined it herself to confirm that in the foreground of the picture Spike was indeed present.

Between intervals of looking at the picture and back at her guests viewers could see the shocked ecspression on her face. She looked like she was about to cry.

“Spike... that’s who you recognize... Splike!?” Jessica questioned disbelievingly. “You... how... why Spike!?”

“Well... because he’s the savior of our Kingdom!” he answered. “Without him we would have fallen at the hooves of King Sombra.”

This was a bitter sweet victory for Jessica. She finally found someone who remembered being saved by a hero... she just didn’t think that hero would be Spike.

“Wha-- I... you... okay but... but tell me you at least know who these other ponies are!” Jessica frantically continued as she shoved the picture in his face. “Please tell me you know who the rest of them are!”

As feelings threatened the pony backed away so that he could get a better look.

“Uuuuh nope sorry, I don’t.” He answered with a shrug.

“What... but... but you... you don’t... I-- WAIT! HOLD ON!” Jessica exclaimed as she reached in her pocket to pull out the section of the photo that she herself had ripped off in the previous interview. “WHAT ABOUT HER HER!? Huh!? Y-you at least know who Applejack is right!?”

At this point she was willing to take anything. Even another cousin. However fate had different plans.

“Who?” The pony asked.

There was no answer, there was no transition to another interview, just the sound of tearing the photo up into as many pieces as she could before throwing it into the air like confetti.

”It looks like I’m going to be here for awhile.” Jessica overdub said as the camera zoomed in on her face which had free-framed mid throw before the camera faded back to the Daily Show stage and back onto Jon at hid desk.

‘Jessica Williams everyone,” he said. “We’ll be right back.”

While the crowd cheered and the Daily Show logo swooped onto the center of the screen Jon took this moment to write down some thoughts on his notes. Jon knew how this story ended since it was conducted quite a while ago but he was still enthralled by how well it turned out so far.

He could hardly wait for the tomorrows episode where he would once again get to see the third and final installment.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Jessica Williams 3 (Rough Draft)

Staffs at the Daily show, Jon himself included, likes to tally up a list of Daily Show first. A little collection of events that they held as benchmarks for the great achievements they’ve manage to obtain over the years.

Some such accomplishments included the first time a they won an emmy, the first time they had a US president on as a guest and indeed the first time they had someone from Equestria on their show. Spike himself breaking multiple first as: First to appear on Equestrian Interviews, first non-pony on the show, and first male in a sea of girly ponies.

But it was on this stallment of the Daily show that another first was about to occur at the hands of Jessica Williams. Jessica herself marking the first black female correspondent in the shows history. In this episode she was to show her final report in her three day segment in Equestira.

This was the first time a correspondent had spent more than a day in Equestria for a story and so far Jon loved every moment of it. He himself, whenever he visited for business, only ever spent, at most, a couple of days in any given city or town. But jessica had literally been all over the map to do this story for what felt like even longer when considering the astronomical differences of the two worlds.

Since Jon was in charge he always saw each story before it was aired. But as stock footage ended and the cameras zoomed in on him he reflected on just how much he was excited for the segment to begin. Like a really good movie he was eager to watch it again.

“Hello everybody and welcome back to the Daily Show!” Jon announced over his audience who quickly quieted down. “For the past few days our own... Jessica Williams has spent the majority of her time in various Equestrian Kingdoms where she filled this report on her third and final day.”

The sound of crowd cheering was almost as loud as the opening sequence that showed edited clips of Jessica conducting interviews and traveling around Equestria from previous installments of her story. Once the montage ended the crowd slowly began to silence themselves in preparation since she was now officially monologuing her report.

”Today was my final day in Equestria and I was determined to make it count!” Jessica’s overdub said as it showed her standing just outside the of Ponyville looking towards it. “In the time that I’ve been here I’ve learned that, while the average pony is very intellectually up to date on public figures and events, the same could not be said about their knowledge of the Mane 6

Towards the end of his explaining the footage strategically changed to only show clips of Twilight and her friends doing battle with various monsters. These actions shots eventually distilled to a single clip at the end depicting them using the elements of harmony to cast forth a beam of rainbowed energy into the direction of the camera. As if those watching were the ones getting hit. This also served as a transition to show Jessica now sitting in a chair located inside Canterlot Castle back in front of Celestia.

“It’s crazy that no one here knows about the Mane 6!” Jessica commented. “I mean everyone here knows who you are and you barely do anything.”

The crowd laughed at Jessica’s blunt accusation as well as Celestia’s now shocked expression of not knowing how to respond. The camera sat and focused on her inability to say anything before changing to show clips of Twilight and her friends on some of their adventures, alternating between them either running around or talking to each other in rapid succession.

“I was determined to fix this problem by bringing as much exposure to these six protectors as I could,” Jessica said while her on screen self walked down a random hallways side by side with an elderly grey and purple unicorn, before the scene moved to the two of them sitting across from each other in an empty room somewhere in the Castle. “And to help me I got to sit down with the Castle’s own record keeper and former professor of Equestrian history, Pine Scent.”

“So this is where I’m at right now... I’ve spent the past two days doing this story and I swear every pony I’ve met knows everything about everyone except for when it comes to who owns the elements of Harmony.” Jessica explained with her guest nodding in agreement. “And I’ve been trying to get ponies to recognize but they aint havin it! So has a historian and record keeper tell me what I’m doing wrong? Why does no one seem to know who these girls are?”

“Well there are many factors to consider when dealing with something as intricate as public figures.” Pines responded.

“Like what?” Jessica asked which made her guest have to stop and think for a brief second.

“Well for example... yes, Twilight and her friends have helped us out of numerous occasions... but what you need to understand is that when they were given the divine powers of the elements they were just ordinary mares,” she explained. “When Celestia used the elements 1000 years ago--”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa hang on a second... 1000 years ago!?” Jessica echoed. “Celestia is over a 1000 years old?”

“Um... y-yes, yes she is,” Pines answered, sounding rather confused that she didn’t know this. Of course she did but she had a bit she wanted to try out. “Celestia has been a round of multiple millilumens. Which actually brings up a good point as to why ponies know who Celestia is but not the Mane 6. Because Celestia has been around much longer obviously and as such has garnered more of a presence and with our record keeping it’s quite easy to--”

“Damn 1000 years!?” Jessica interrupted, still fixed on the number. “Fuck... and I thought MY boss was old.”

The record keeping pony just looked at the camera as if asking silently what she should say in a situation like this. Jessica noticed this and decided to try something.

“Excuse me a moment will you?” She asked.

Without waking for a response she got up and walked out of the room. The next scene showed her slowly easing her way back down in front of Celetia like she was approaching a wild animal and didn’t want to scare it. There was a slightly moment of silence before she finally spoke up.

“You didn’t tell me you were over 1000 years old,” Jessica finally said.

“Oh, well... I was certain that you knew,” Celestia responded, not quite yet picking up that this was a joke. “In fact because of my age--”

“MY. NAME. JESSICA. JESS. I. CA. I. AM. INTERVIEWING. YOU. FOR. THE. DAILY. SHOW.” Jessica yelled so loudly some nearby guards stuck their heads through the archway to make sure everything was alright. “DO. YOU. REMEMBER. WHY. I’M. HERE?”

“Jessica honey I’m old but I’m not senile.” Celestia stated. “Also I can hear you just fi--”

“DO. YOU. REMEMBER. WHY. I’M. HERE!?” Jessica repeated in an even louder voice which made the guest flinch at the reverberating echo that followed.

“Yes, I’m being intervetered for the show.” Celestia answered, determined to remain using her inside voice. “There’s no need to yell; I know why you’re here.”

“YES. YES. YOU. DO... BECUASE. I. JUST. TOLD. YOU!” Jessica continued before reaching into her pocket to pull out her iphone. “THIS. IS. A CELL. PHONE. YOU. PROBABLY. DON’T. KNOW. WHAT. THIS. IS. BECUASE. YOUR. SO. OLD...”

The scene went somewhat muted to give the audience a chance to laugh as well as give Jessica an opportunity to have her overdub voice.

”Damn no wonder she couldn't help me before! She probably has alzheimer's!” Jessica said as her on screen self continued yelling at Celestia. “But anyway back to business!”

The scene with continued up until the next transition which showed Jessica back at the room where she had left Pines all alone.

“Sorry bout that,” Jessica apologized. “Now then... you were saying.”

It took a second for her to remember but soon she recalled her last point.

“Ah yes, um... as I was trying to say is... uh, what you need to consider, and what I’m trying to say here is, is that saving the world isn’t the only thing the Mane 6 do.” She recalled. “They’ve only have ever done that on a small number of times. But mostly they’ve enjoyed a peaceful existence ”

“I think I know what you’re getting at here.” Jessica responded right before the camera shifted to the side for a transition shot.

When the next establishing shot arrived it depicted Jessica back at Twilight library with the Mane 6 still present.

“So I’ve been talking to this lady up in Canterlot and she seems to think that the reason no one knows who you are is because you guys don’t save the world enough,” Jessica explained to the confused looked group of mares. “So get to it! Get your flanks out there and start saving the world! Earn that fame!”

Most of the ponies just stared at her while a select few just starting looking around the room but ultimately back at her. Overall however no one moved except for Rarity raising her hoof to attention.

“Darling, I admire your trying to... help us... truly I do,” Rarity began. “But honestly theres is no need for us to do any world saving business at present. As you can see, at least for now, our world is at peace.”

“I agree with Rarity. Trust us if there was another attack going on like with Terik we wouldn't be here” Twilight added, her response earning her a sharp look from Jessica.. “And now since he’s back in Tartarus we can all relax and enjoy this moment of peace.”

“Weeeell... at least for another six months when the next major tragedy occurs.” Pinkie Pie added which made her friends all lean back to glare at her with varying confused looks. “What!? Haven't you girls noticed how stuff like this happens almost regularly!?”

There was a moment of silence that was only broken by the sound of chairs squeaking at her friends gave up and readjusted themselves to looking forward at their interviewer who was already in the midst of a new idea.

“Okay, okay, okay new plan!” Jessica began. “If there’s no dangers going around then I’ll just make one and then you guys can fix it.” Her plan was met with worried looks at how serious she sounded.

“Um... excuse me?” Fluttershy spoke up. “Isn’t that... um... unethical?”

“You just leave that to me. All you need to worry about is fighting against the forces of the invading kingdom.” Jessica responded.

“What invading kingdom?” Applejack asked.

“The one I’ll have Celestia wage war against,” she answered which only made those same worried faces look more frightened. Jessica noticed this and promptly got eh wrong idea. “Hey don’t worry I’ll make it happen! I’m an American after all and if there’s anything we’re good at is causing waring conflicts in other countries and letting other clean up our messes.”

While the crowd laughed the camera quickly switched over to show Jessica once again sitting in front of Celestia.

“I’m sorry Jessica but even if it is for the sake of your show I won’t wage war against the Souther griffin tribe.” Celesia explained before the camera swung back around to show the correspondent sitting back in front of the the Mane 6 looking dejected.

“Okay... that didn't work.” Jessica sighed as she showed her declaration of war with a big red rejected stamp across it. “Sorry guys.”

”It was time for a new approach.”

“What if there’s no conflicts for them to resolve ” Jessica asked, now back to sitting in front of Pine Scent. “What else can I do?” There was a slight pause to allow some laughter from the audience at her continued attempts.

“Well... in a way... ponies don’t recognize them as the Elements of Harmony because, like I’ve said they’re fairly new at this,” she reminded. “They they don’t portray themselves as such every waking moment. If they did I’m sure more ponies would be aware. But even when they are saving us from certain doom they don’t take it for granted. They don’t flaunt their gifts or try to use their achievements to their advantage. So in a way they’re humble enough that they don’t like to remind others of what they’ve done.”

“So what you’re saying is.... this just a matter of marketing.” Jessica responded in a now a I see sort of tone.

“Uh, n-no that wasn’t exactly what I was--” Pines tried to say before Jessica scurried off to her right only to reappear in front of the Mane Six again via well done editing of the footage.

This time however she was carrying with her a large cardboard box which was overflowing with hats, scarfs, and other random assortment of accessories which made it obvious that it held costumes. The Mane 6 looked at it slightly nervously; with Rarity looking particularly gauled at how tacky it all looked.

“Alright, new idea!” Jessica began, “since there aint nothing going around worth saving I’m going to help you with your image!”

“Darling please!” Rarity said with a flip of her hair. “I think when it comes to... image some of us don’t need any help.”

“That right there! No one is going to take you seriously if you act like that! Which is why I’m going to help you with a little rebranding!” Jessica announced. “First off; drop the girly names. If you want people to remember you y’all need some more intimidating names.”

Each friend could only look at each other as Jessica pulled out a piece of paper and pointed to each corresponding pony.

“Rainbow Dash, you are now Painbow Smash! Twilight Sparkle... yeah hell no, your new name is Midnight Flash.” She began. “Applejack, your now Cocoa Puffs. Pinkie Pie is now called Power Pie... Rarity your new name is Ultrarareity. And Fluttershy I’ve already legally changed your name to Murder McKills-a-lot.”

“Goodness! That sounds so... so violent!” Murder McKills-a-lot commented.

“Exactly! It’s the kind of names that strikes fear into the hearts of your enemies!” Jessica countered.

“B-but I don’t have any enemies!” the scared pony countered.

“Well you do know?” Jessica said as he used her thumb to point over her shoulder, causing the camera to pan out slightly to show several pony thugs with weapons standing right behind her. Their grunts and growing could still be heard as the camera change positions to show a reaction shot of the six friends staring with uncertainty, or in Fluttershy’s case fear.

Finally it was Rainbow Dash who broke the silence.

“Also... what’s in that box you got there?” She asked.

“I’m glad you asked!” Jessica exclaimed. “Part of your reboot is proper costumes.”

“Costumes?” Applejack echoed with a look of disdain on her face at the concept.

“Yep! And I’ve based each of your uniforms on one of the guardians of the human world,” Jessica explained as got up to approach them. “So after this there won’t be a pony alive who won’t recognize you.”

The crowds light laughter was almost timed perfectly to to the cheesy screen transition that saw Jessica now sitting back down in the same spot in the same location only this time the box was no where to be seen. The interviewer was instead admiring her handiwork from off screen- nodding to herself pridefully for a job well done.

“Now this is what I’m talking about!” Jessica said. The camera panned to an over the shoulder shot for a view of the Mane 6 which almost immediately resulted in the audience laughing once more.

This time around the mane 6 each decked out in what can only be derived as children’s halloween costumes judging by the size and material used for clothing and masks. But what really had the audience in a continued frenzy was that each pony was now dressed a different marvel character.

Twilight being the leader was dressed as captain America. Her intelligence and tendency to be out of touch only served to sell the character. The entire time had to use her magic to hold up the accompanying shield that was comically almost bigger than herself.

Because of her blonde hair Applejack was given the role of Thor. This, and the fact that Jessica thought it would be funny to have the magicless earth pony carry mjolnir constantly in her mouth, made her a very convincing Norse god.

Pinkie Pie may have lacked the intelligence and wealth needed to properly portray Iron man but her wild nature and tendency to do whatever she wanted made her perfect. Her helmet covered her entire face but it was easy to tell it was here from her poofy hair jutting out of each opening.

There are some marvel, and indeed superheroes in general, who possess the power of Speed. Heroes that would be an apt comparison for Rainbow Dash. But for her she was covered head to hoof in a Spiderman costume complete with stringers on her wrists for makeshift webs. Spiderman may not be able to fly but his anarchic sense of humor and constant sarcasm played well with Rainbow Dash’s personality.

Rarity would have made a great Black Widow with her excellent use of CQC and womanly appeal, but Jessica instead turned her into a prissy version of Wolverine. Because she wanted an excuse to mess with her mane by making them stick out on each side. Which she couldn't fix because of the claws on her front hoofs.

And Fluttershy was hulk. Because calm and collected one minute to a raging beast in another was her in a nutshell. Her costume consisted only of having a oversized (Even by children’s toy standards) hulk fist on each of her hoofs. Everytime she took a step the fist would say “hulk smash.”

“Now whos ready to fight crime and get noticed!” Jessica asked, with no one saying anything for a few seconds.

“I can’t see anything.” Rainbow Dash from mumbled under her mask.

“Perfect! Okay step 3!” Jessica continued, now looking at her list. “Ya’ll need a new headquarters cause this place just ain't cutting it!”

In a show of disgust Jessica motioned around the room, occasionally scowling at an object. Each pony but Rainbow Dash followed her han movements.

“I mean come one... a tree house? What are you guys like five!?” she continued. “Every other super hero’s got a kickass home base! Superman’s got his Fortress of solitude, Batman’s got the Batcave, Aquaman’s probably got some underwater cave he lives in.”

“Wouldn’t he live in the mythical city of Atlantis?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah sure whatever. Point is you guys need to step up your game! Jessica reiterated. “I mean how the hell does a Princess not live in a Castle?”

In response to this each friend glanced over at each other. Some with either worried or surprised looks on their faces. Eventually it was Twilight who spoke up, after using her magic to place her vibranium shield away.

“Actually... this, technically isn’t my home anymore.” Twilight stated.

“What?” Jessica responded.

“I mean yes I used to live here but this library tree house is actually a perfect recreation of my old house...” Twilight continued. “...which was severel damaged not too long ago.”

“Then... where do you live now?” Jessica asked. Only stead of an answer there was another scene transition to an entirely new location, which was done strategically to that Jessica was still depicted sitting down but everything else had changed. “Now this is more like it!”

The new interior was much more grandiose than the previous shot with crystal walls, arching banisters, flowing tapestry surrounding a round chamber with seven thrones facing the center. It was only when the camera panned backward and out a window did the viewers finally see that Jessica now found herself inside a Castle embedded in a crystallized tree-like structure.

Each pony was depicted sitting in their corresponding thrown when the camera came back onto a sweeping shot of them all. All except for Fluttershy, she was left standing since Jessica was occupying her seat.

“This place is great!” Jessica continued. “How much did it cost to get this place built?”

“I guess y’all could say it was given to us for free.” Applejack shrugged.

“It was given to us by the elemental tree after we opened that mystery box thingy from way back when Discords roots attacked us.” Rainbow Dash added.

“For real!? All of this was free!” Jessica exclaimed. “Man you guys are lucky!”

“Indeed... and all it took was the defeat of Tirek and the almost completely destruction of our entire world in the process,” Rarity responded. “Soooooo lucky.”

”New names, check. New outfits, check. and a new Headquarters, check. The rebranding is now completely!” Jessica’ said over the laughter from the audience. “But if I was to go completely through with this I needed to be sure to cover all my bases.”

The camera scene shifted again to show Jessica back at Canterlot Castle, sitting across from Pines.

“I think I’m just about ready to try this again but just to be sure I want to make sure I didn’t miss anything.” Jessica said. “So what else ya got?”

“Well in addition to everything I’ve just said... what one needs to take into consideration is that, while Twilight and her friends have done much for us,” she began. “They do come off as... how should I put this... somewhat bland looking.”

“You do realize we’re talking about a group of technicolor ponies one of which has a rainbow mane right?” Jessica responded.

“Yes and to a human they must really stand out in your world but here in Equestria is all more the standard rather than the exception. Even our highest ranking leader, Celestia, has a rainbow mane.” Pines pointed out. “Basically what I’m trying to say here is that while they are unique in their abilities... from a purely cosmetic point of view they’re quite ordinary looking.”

“Yeah I mean, seen one multicolored talking magical horse seen them all amiright?” Jessica summed out.

“That’s... one way of looking at it, certainly.” Pines admitted. “But surely you must have noticed that aside from colorization and hair styles most ponies are remarkably identical in terms of body structure. Evolution, for whatever reason, has made us homogeneously similar. Now if the Mane 6 were stallions things might be different.”

If Pines didn’t have Jessica’s complete attention before the mention of gender certainly had now.

“What do you mean?” Jessica responded.

“Well as I’m sure you’ve also noticed here in Equestria the population consists mostly of females.” Pines explained. “So what I theorize is that if the Twilight and her friends were the opposite gender they would stand out more since it’s rare to see stallions hold high ranking positions of power especially in cases like...”

”Did she just say what I think she said!?”

“... this where a pony can--”

“Wait, wait.... wait!” Jessica interrupted. “Go back a bit! What did you say about men not having power!”

“Oh well... simply put h-here in Equestria there are more females to males. The ration being at around a five to one odds.” Pines explained. “This naturally means that the chances of, say the leader of a kingdom being female rather than male is much higher.”

“Are you saying... that women are normally the ones in charge and that men struggle for equality!?” Jessica asked almost smiling.

“In some cases... yes.” Pines acknowledged. “In fact there are some studies that show that not only are mare more likely to succeed in the workforce because they have more opportunities some studies have shown that a stallions will be paid three fourths of what mare makes.”

Before she could continue Pines was watched as Jessica got up from her her seat and rushing outside the room. A few edits later and she now found herself outside of the Castle swiftly heading down towards the city.

”Holy shit this is amazing! I knew that there were more women than dudes here in Equestria but I had no we were the ones in charge!” Jessica said, her on screen self smiling from ear to ear. “Fuck doing the rest of the story and fuck going back to New York! I finally found a place where I aint being held down by no glass ceiling! Move over white penises Jessica’s on top now!”

The scene changed to show the correspondent confidently walking confidently through the shops section of ponyville with “Pretty woman” by Roy Orbison played in the background. The sound of laughter continued as scene depicted Jessica walking into Rarity’s fashion boutique, only to come out seconds later now looking completely different through the power of editing.

Her long braided hair was now strengthened out and flowing down to her ankles. Only instead of her usual color it was now dyed a series of of dark purple and hot pink streaks. A makeshift had was being worn to give the appearance that she had a horn, a pair of wings were now strapped to her back, and a tail (which matched her new hair style) was poking from out of her pants. She was still wearing her clothes from prior but the instinct colors and new cosmetic items gave the impression that she would be better suited at a rave.

Before she walked too far the scene shifted again only this time the still laughing audiences saw Jessica walking down a busy Canterlot street with an entourage of ponies at her side, each of whom were carrying shopping bags like Jessica herself. The scene continued with the ponies chatting with the human before a few proper transitions saw them at an art gallery, then at a restaurant, a park, and a inside someones luxurious house. All the while never breaking eye contact as they talking to one another.

The scene eventually brought the cackling group of females at a pony version of Starbucks where each of them were outside at the patio enjoying a frappuccino. For first time Jessica broke away from her newfound friends to lean over to her side so she could get the waitresses attention.

“Excuse me!” She called out as she pointed to her iphone. “Could I please get the password to your guys’ Wifi?”

“Uh... we don’t have wifi.” The waitress answered.

“But your cafe. How the hell do you not have have wifi?” Jessica asked disparagingly.

“Because... Equestria doesn't have the internet.” The waitress answered.

“WHAT!?” Jessica roared so loudly that everyone in the area turned to look at her as the background music was cut off like a skip on a record player. The silence was soon followed by Jessica bursting from her seat off camera only to sit back down in front of Celestia by way of properly timed editing.

“Y’all mothafuckas don’t have the Internet!?” Jessica yelled. Her combination of outburst, crass phrasing of the question, and outfit made it so Celestia didn’t answer right away but instead just found herself staring at her.

There was a slight pause before her actual answer which was used to edit in a reaction shot of Jessica still looking shocked while the audience laughed.

“No, no we do not. Technology speaking we’re still experimenting without motorized vehicles so we’re not even close” She finally answered. “If I had to draw a comparison I would say that we’re roughly around where your world was during the early 1900s.”

Some found this almost as humorous as the look of pure abject horror on Jessica’s face.

“What’s actually interesting about the internet is it plays a very important role in your story you're doing how our worlds function differently in terms general knowledge. Since you life in the age of information you see things differently” Celestia continued. “You say that here in Equestria nopony knows who the Mane 6 is... well that could also be explained by the fact that, without a centralized knowledge database like the internet, we Equestrians largely rely on other forms of much slower and less modular--”

“FUCK THIS I’M OUT!” Jessica shouted as exploded from her seat and one hand ripped her hair to the ground revealing that her new hair style was actually a wig all along.

The sound of laughter was carefully edited to decrease in volume when the fed up looking Jessica sat back down in front of the Mane 6 with, looking like she couldn’t take any more of this.

“Yeah, sorry guys but I give up. There’s no way in hell I’m staying here any longer without a proper connection,” she explained with a wave of her now useless tablet. “So it looks like I won’t be helping you guys become fore famous. I’m sorry.”

The camera changed positions to show each friend looking annoyed (except Pinkie). Not for the fact that Jessica had given up on them but because of what they had been subjected to up until now. Case in point; they were still in their super hero costumes.

“By the way you six look ridiculous.” Jessica added.

With a deep sigh Applejack began to remove bits of her costume with Twilight using her magic to help her along.

“Maybe this is for the best then.” the Earthpony stated as her red cap fluttered to the ground.

“I agree, darling.” Rarity added. “We... appreciate you trying to help but perhaps it’s not that important an issue as you make seem to be.”

“If it means that Equestria can enjoy peace and prosperity then... well I think I speak for everypony when I say that it’s worth it that not every pony knows who we are.” Fluttershy suggested which in return got nodding approvals from each of her friends. This was enough to get Jessica fired up again, if only for a little bit.

“I still can’t beleive you guys are okay with that!” She blurted. “Hell if I saved the world, even once, I would demand that there be a holiday in my honor! Jessica Day! And if your born on Jessica day your name is now Jessica no matter what! And in the movie about my life I want Beyonce to play me!”

“Oh, oh, oh who's gonna play me!” Pinkie Pie asked with a wave of her hand though Jessica just ignored her.

“Come one guys one some level this had to annoy you.” Jessica maintained. “Even just a little bit.” Her assumptions caused a few of her guests to glance at one another but for the most part they stayed firm in their humble assertion of the situation.

“Nope not at all,” Twilight shrugged. “Personally I kinda like it this way. Afterall we don’t do it because of recognition. We do it for the good of our world.”

“Yeah I get that but at the same time I refuse to believe that you aren’t bothered by the lack of respect that comes with it!” Jessica tried to get them to see. “I mean back in my world everyone knows you are... because you’ve been on the Daily Show. You are literally more known as celebrities by humans then you are as heroes by your own species!? How does that not make you feel...”

Suddenly Jessica stopped mid sentence and completely froze in place. Her reaction was so sudden that those watching this from their computers assumed that the video was buffering but in actually it was because she got a idea. An idea so obvious that she was beyond shocked that she didn’t think of it sooner.

“... My god.” Jessica finally said. “That’s it... that’s it!”

“What’s it?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Instead of answer Jessica quickly gathered her things and made her way towards the nearest exit. Leaving the six friends alone for the final time. Rainbow Dash herself seemed to sense this since she was now in the process of flying away out of pure frustration.

Meanwhile the camera shifted in scene to show Jessica hurriedly walking down a random bit of road with newfound purpose as she balanced trying to get her notes ready while her overdub filled the void.

”I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner! The answer was right in front of me the entire time! It was so obvious!” Jessica said as the scene changed again to show her now standing next a new pony as she reviewed her notes with a rather large smile on her face. “I now knew what I needed to do to get through to these people and this time... I wasn’t going to fail!”

“So... I’m going to show you a picture of a pony,” Jessica stated pausing to stifle a giggle and subdue her smile. “And I want you... to tell me if you recognize them. Okay?”

“Yeah sure.” The pony answered.

“Now then,” Jessica began before turning to smile a devious smile at the camera and ready her picture. “Do you recognize... this pony!?” The picture being shown was that of Rainbow Dash alone in a sitting position with a blank background.

The smile on Jessica face was still present even after a few seconds when the pony being interviewed shooked her head and looked back at the correspondent.

“No sorry I don’t,” she said. “She does look kinda familiar but I don’t think I know her at all.”

“Oh is that so.” Jessica smiled as she reached around with her free hand to pull out another picture. “Well how about... NOW!?”

A quick camera shift revealed that what Jessica had was a transparent picture printed on a glossy sheet of film. On it was an image of her boss Jon Stewart sitting at his desk during an interview. With it with now overlaid on the picture of Rainbow Dash it now seemed like she was in the middle of an interview.

This was enough to get the pony who was being interviewed to make the connection.

“Aaah! That’ right! I recognize her now!” The pony exclaimed. “That’s Rainbow Dash! Yeah, yeah, I remember... she was once a guest on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart!”

The sound of the audience cheering and applauding at Jessica finally getting what she wanted was short lived as the scene changed once again to another pony already looking another picture being held by the correspondent. This time it was of Applejack with the same same blank background.

“Hmmm... no... no I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea who this--” The pony began before Jessica slipped the same transparent image over the picture. “Oh hey I know her! That’s Applejack! She was once a guest on the Daily Show wasn’t she!?”

More cheering ensued as the scene changed rapidly to pony after pony. Each altercation resulting in what Jessica wanted so long as the image of Jon was played over the current picture.

“Oh that’s Fluttershy!”

“Yeah I know her! Her name is Rarity!”

“Isn’t that Pinkie Pie?”

“Yeah now I remember! That’s Twilight Sparkle!”

Through the magic that was editing each and every pony who Jessica interviewed following her discovered was now on the screen at the same time. Each occupying a segment of the screen Brady Bunch style. This was done so that their answer could be heard at the exact same time.

“She was on the Daily Show.” Each pony said in unison with the crowd once again in the middle of cheering.

”And so there you have it folks! Most ponies may not know who the Mane 6 is or even of their heroic exploits... but when it comes to their status as celebrities everypony seems to recognize their filmography.” Jessica’s overdub said as the next scene depicted her triumphantly standing on a hill overlooking ponyville. “And in that regard I guess ponies and humans are not so different after all.”

The scene briefly forze only to smoothly transition back to Jon sitting at his desk trying not to laugh.

“Great work there, Jessica.” Jon said as he adjusted his notes. “Jessica Williams everyone! We’ll be right back.”

The crowd which was already cheering intensified their applause and hollering to an ever greater degree as the camera zoomed out to a good enough distance so that Jon was still somewhat visible when the Daily Show logo Flew on screen.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Al Madrigal 1 (rough draft)

The swooshing sound effect of the Daily Show flying onto the screen was almost impossible to hear over the roar of the crowd which cheered for the return of the Daily from yet another commercial break. This was only the second segment of the show but it was no less exciting for them because they knew what was coming.

It was another segment which involved Equestria.

While usually the third segment, being the the interview portion was more popularly recognized as the part of the show to feature ponies (Obviously, considering it was called “Equestrian interviews”) those in attendance got a special treat where Jon sent one of his erstwhile correspondents to Equestria for a mock-report.

The topic of which he handpicked himself and proceeded to get bombarded by his staff for the right to cover it.

With the crowd still cheering as the camera panned on center stage Jon decisively setting aside the papers he was he “writing” on and addressed the audience by trying to yell over them.

“WELCOME BACK... welcome back.... everyone to the Daily Show. Security. It isn’t just a job college dropouts get at bars to help pay for rent. We here in America are so invested in our wellbeing both locally and internationally that even our own ‘National Security Agency,’ or NAMBLA, has gone through extreme lengths to try and protect us.” Jon monologues with slight chuckling from the audience as he did. “But sometimes it important to take a step back and observe the practices of other countries, and indeed other world’s, to see how they deal with the ever growing problems that they face on a day to day basis. Al Madrigal report.”

The sound of cheering exploded but then swiftly disbursed once the screen shifted to a stock photo of a map of Equestria with gentle classical music playing in the background. This and the sudden voice over told them that the report had started

Imagine if you will... a world filled with with copious amounts of natural beauties, pristine environments, and a community that will always be there to lend... a helping hand. ” Al stated in a calm and soft tone as the stock photo transitioned to stock footage of waterfall for a few seconds before a sweeping view of some mountain tops. “A world of adventure, boundless opportunities, and a rich historical background. A world were nothing could go wrong. Well look no further. This... is Equestria. Where all your dreams can- OH MY GOD!”

Suddenly and without warning the both the music and Al’s overdubbing was cut off by the camera switching suddenly to a swamp where a multi-headed dragon emerged from the mud. Each one taking turns arching their long necks and into the air to roar as loudly as they could. The intensity of their exploding voices escalating with each head that Joined.

Um... wow... okay uh, as I was saying. AHEM... This... is Equestria.” Al picked right back up as the music came back o. “Where all your dreams can come true and nothing bad ever happens and your new best friend is-- JESUS CHRIST!”

Like before the monologue was interrupted. This time by the footage of exploding pillars of fire shooting up from the ground in all directions. Eventually a larger and more dragged out burst of fire happened right in front of camera. When it subsided it revealed a Chimera complete with two heads, a lion and goat respectively, and a tail which was actually a cobra. All three combined animals were carefully crouching its way towards the camera before lunging forward revealing it’s razor sharp fangs and talons.

Okay what the hell was that thing! Good... God I... C-an I continue... can I... yes? A-a-are you sure? ” Al asked to someone off camera as the footage continued to show more footage of random point scenery like a river, rolling green hills, and towns from a bird's eye view. “Okay... Equestria. Where all your dreams can come true and nothing bad ever happens and your new best friend is ju-- okay you’re sure it won’t happen again right? Right!?... okay good. And your new friend... is just around the corner! Because here in Equestria you're-- OH FUCK!!!

This time the camera starting violently shaking like it was in an Earthquake before the lower camera angle caught something shooting up from the ground in what looked like a giant support beam emerging from the center of the earth. It was only when it started to twist and bend that viewers saw that some kind of giant earthworm, resembling something from Dune or Beatlejuice, was now staring downwards at the viewers.

At first it just looked onwards quizzable but it was only when it opened it’s mouth to reveal that the inside was completely lined with tiny sharp needle like teeth that Al responded.

”Alright you know what screw this let’s get out of here!” Al’s overdub said right before the monster attacked. From there the camera angle changed and was now showing the correspondent standing atop a hill at the verdant countryside before him. “How can someone live in a world like this? How is it that a place with such a reputation for being accepting, understanding, and tolerance be filled with... such evil things!”

Before switching scenes the camera panned out to show that Al was standing directly in front of the Everfree forest. Him being completely oblivious to the many visible glowing eyes, growing noise, and a lone lions paw just a few inches behind him.

”To help answer this question I sat down with this world highest royal pony and supreme god like ruler Princess Celestia.” Al continued as the camera showed him adjusting his notes while sitting directly in front of Celestia. The two of them in her own personal room. “To see if she could help me understand how a beautifully perfect world such as Equestria can remain intact and unharmed today even with danger looming just around the corner.”

“How the hell are you guys not dead yet?” Al asked. His question causing the audience to laugh and Celestia raise her eyebrows as the bluntness of his question. “I came here to do a report on how you guys handle security but damn! I mean this world of yours is pretty fucking dangerous! I thought it was all rainbows and happiness but you guys have some scary shit lurking around.”

“Well... let me first start off by saying that it’s a pleasure to have you here in my kingdom.” Celestia began. “This is the second time I’ve been featured during a Daily Show report. When Samantha was here time around I never got the chance to say this. So allow me to express how much of an honor it is to be interviewed by such a prestigious correspondent of the Daily show.”

“Don’t try and butter me up lady.” Al responded.

“Second. While it’s true Equestra does house unruly creatures who have... shall we say less than desirable traits, I can assure you that this world and the cities that inhabit it are quite protected.” She continued. “Especially here in this region of the Kingdom where we are very much safe. Proper regulations, on hand assistance from both myself and the royal Canterlot armed guards, and a community focused on helping one another makes cities like Canterlot a safe and ideal place to live.”

”You know maybe she’s right.” Al’s overdub said as on screen Al nodded his head in agreement with Celestia. The camera cutting back and forth between them. “So maybe some parts of Equestria aren’t so safe to be in but that doesn’t mean every town should be avoided. And she’s right! Canterlot not only had the royal guards but Celestia herself lives here! I think we found ourselves the perfect place to do a report on safety.”

Without saying a world Al looked upwards as the camera once again did a transitioned as if he was imagining what was to come next.

The next scene that followed was that of Al walking down one of the busy districts of Canterlot proper. It stay for very long though as the camera panned upwards and transitioned to a top view of the Castle before showing more stock footage of sophisticated ponies interacting in various outlets around town.

“Imagine if you will... a city filled with with copious amounts of natural beauties, pristine environments, and a community that will always be there to lend... a helping hand.” Al stated once again as the camera panned back to him sitting at a cafe with other ponies, laughing at each others jokes. Before continued the next image was a shot of Canterlot from far off its parameter to get a view of the city and Castle “A city with a sophisticated culture, unparalleled architecture, and some of the brightest minds known to pony-kind. A city where nothing could go wrong. Well look no further. This... is Canter. Where all your dreams can... can... hey what’s that noise?”

Towards the end of Al’s overdub a slight buzzing noise could be heard in the back. But as he was coming to an end it was increasingly getting louder and louder. It was only when he stopped talking that the camera shifted to show footage of hundreds upon thousands of Changelings swarming the city.

The transitioned was so seamless that one might be forgiven for thinking that it was happening live. But those with a better understanding of Equestrian events recognized it as the day Queen Chrysalis first invaded Canterlot Castle.

With violently shifting of perspective the camera alternated between scenes of ponies being captured by Changelings and general chaos running rampid. The sound of ponies screaming and various infrastructure being destroyed eventually dipped in volume so that the now continuing overdub could be better heard.

”Wait! Whoa, whoa WHAT! Canterlot was invaded by Changelings!?” Al said in shock as the Camera switched back to Celestia’s room where he was looking at her disbelievingly.

“You guys were invaded Changelings!?” he repeated with Celestia looking confused as to why he was asking this now.

“Yes... yes we were.” she answered with a look in her eye like she knew where this was going. Al meanwhile just kept a look of surprise about him that fooled the princess into further explaining. “It happened a few years back during the royal wedding of Princess Cadence.”

“How do you expect anyone to life in a place like this when you almost had your kingdom completely annexed! Forget Crimea you guys were almost taken over by evil bugs!” Al pointed out while pointing to the side of him out a window. “I mean how does something like this even happen!? You guys are the most powerful kingdom in all of Equestria!”

“While I will admit there Canterlot has seen some hard times before in the past. Some hiccups I guess you could call them.” she continued with Al looking just as mortified as before. “But I would once again like to assure you that while we’ve had some breaches in the past we are no less a safe a nation then when we were first established.”

“Now when you say you’ve had some hard times in the past,” Al began. “You're not just talking about Chrysalis are you?”

“No, no I’m not. There have been... other incidents regarding attacks on Canterlot soil.” she admitted. “Famously there was the incident were Nightmare Moon tried to take over the kingdom. And before that Discord more or less attempted to do the same thing. And soon after Tirek as well.”

“It’s almost as if being a super powerful country with endless wealth, thriving economy, and natural resources makes bad guys want to come and take it all away from you.” Al pointed out as the crowd laughed.

“It is as you say but these attacks are too few and too far apart to be considered a recurring problem. In regards to the Changling attack, yes it happened but it was dealt, with and all issues resolved, that very day.” Celestia countered in an almost proud of herself tone. “And It is that kind of swift and resourceful attitude that makes cities like Canterlot, Cloudsdale, and even Ponyville excellent places to both visit and dwell within.”

”The more I thought about it the more I realized how right Celestia was. There were other towns in the area! Some of which probably had their own unique ways.” Al’s overdubbing began as the camera changed to show the Equestrian map. “But more to the point if I was going to do a proper report on security here in Equestria I needed to look at other places locations. So while Canterlot may be a giant target for all evil It was time I looked at a more rural and peaceful side of the Kingdom where attacks and invasions didn’t happen so often to see how they were ablt to obtain such peace.

With the screen still fixated on the map it then zoomed in on Ponyville like it was a nuclear strike before fading to black. When the camera came back on it was now depicting the very center of Ponyville with its stone carved statues, and town hall building in plain view. The gentle sounds of crickets and chirping birds eventually drowned out by Al Madrigal’s overdub.

“Imagine if you will... a town filled with with copious amounts of natural beauties, pristine environments, and a community that will always be there to lend... a helping hand.” Al repeated as the camera panned to him enjoying breakfast at Sugar Cube corner. His slow motion eating was interrupted when the Camera shifted to show Twilight Tree house, then again to Sweet Apple Acres, then back into town to show Rarity’s Boutique, then to other various shops and homes. “A town with a simple yet relaxing atmosphere, where small businesses thrive, and everypony knows everypony else. The kind of place where you don’t have to lock your doors a night. A town where nothing could go wrong. Well look no further. This... is Ponyville. Where all your dreams can come true, nothing bad ever happens, and your new best friend is right around the corner. Because here in Ponyville you're not just part of a community, you are part of a fam--”

Before he could finish however Al’s monologue was predictably interrupted by an Earthshaking roar. The camera panned over to show a monster level sized dog with three heads in the center of the town causing a panic. Before it could do more the camera transitioned again to show more panicking ponies, this time running from a swarm of parasprites eating everything in their path.

Again the camera shifted to show a dragon reeking havoc around town by stealing whatever it could find therein by getting bigger and stronger. Before anyone could make a logical connection the scene changed to show a giant timberwoof just outside of the Ponyville limits, then back to Ponyville to show how at one point Ponyville was visited by an ursa minor and a cerberus.

”Ooooooh yeeeeeeah that’s right. Ponyville is just as dangerous a place to live in as Canterlot. Though some ponies feel that thi si snot the case.” Al commented as the scene changed to show when Discord, Nightmare Moon, and Tirek returned from their respective imprisonment to rain terror. Afterwards however the camera shifted to depict muted footage of Al walking side by side down a dirt road with Mayor Mare having a conversation “Ponies like Ponyville major Mayor Mare who has protected her citizens from these many examples of life threatening attacks on her own town.”

The scene shifted again to show Al sitting across from the pony politician in her private office at city hall.

“I noticed that you don’t have wings or a horn.” Al pointed out the obvious.

“How... very observant. It’s because I’m an Earthpony.” Mayor Mare responded.

“So if an attack were to happen right here right now... how would you protect your people.” Al asked further.

“Well as major I have set aside multiple funding measures to assure residential ponies, that during a major catastrophic events such as earthquakes, floods, and indeed the ever looming threat of an invasion, they will be properly compensated.” Mayor Mare explained. “These measures have been in place since before I took over but now more than ever have they been utilized. Many donated and never has a pony complained about the taxation that goes into these projects. While we do our best to avoid such events all together... this safety net assures anypony living here that they were financially protected for if they lose a home or property damage.”

“Riiight but I’m talking about protection for when it’s actually occurring.” Al specified now pointing towards the distance. “Let’s say an 80 foot gorilla is about to smash you guys into the ground. How will you fend him off?”

“Well there are a variety of means with with to protect ourselfs during these kinds of events.” Mayor Mare began to answer. “In your example... if there were to happen we would no doubt receive aid from the Canterlot Royal guards. In addition whenever there’s an airborne nuisance that aims to threaten us we can always rely on the Wonderbolts lend a hoof with their mastery of the sky.”

“Yeah but both of those options are from Canterlot and Cloudsdale!” he pointed out in frustration. “I’m talking about here in Ponyville! How big is your army? Who is your army general and how experiences is she.”

Looking both ways like she was about to cross the street Mayor Mare looked as confused as Al did regarding this entire topic.

“Um... we don’t have an army.” she revealed.

“I’m sorry what?” Al said. “Could you repeat that.”

“I said we don’t have an army.” she repeated. “The only state runned militia in the area is the Canterlot guards over in Canterlot.”

“So let me get this straight... you guys have some of the highest percentage rates of monster invasions... and you don’t even have your own army.” he surmised. “Tell me you at least have weapons.”

“I’m afraid not.” she answered. “Here in ponyville we like to invest more in infrastructure and education rather than weapons and an army.”

“You’d think that after the 72nd time you guys were attacked you’d change your positions slightly” Al added, now wanting to get more specific. “I’m guessing you don’t have any bodyguards either."

“N-no,” Mayor Mare said aware of the odd look in his eye. “No I don’t.”

“So if I wanted to... I could easily overpower you and take over Ponyville?” Al theorized as the camera went back and forth between a shocked looking Mayor and Al who was slowly revealing a baseball bat from just out of the shot of the camera.

“I... suppose you could.” She answered with Al leaning in with fixed eye contact as the crowd laughed. “But I’d appreciate it if you didn’t.”

So it turns out living in Ponyville is about the worst thing you can do if your into that whole staying alive thing.” Al’s overdubbing said as the footage of him on screen showed him continuing to stare down the mayor while while he played with the bat against his palm. “So Canterlot is a no go, Ponyville is just as bad, and I can’t even go to Cloudsdale and falling through to my death!”

The next scene transition showed Al walking away from Ponyville as on a dirt road. His monologue still playing in the background.

”But now that I think about it life in the human world isn’t so dangerous after all. At least we’ll never have to worry about some some ugly and inhumane monster ruining life or us in New York... except for this guy.” Al said before a picture of Donald Trump eating a slice of pizza with a fork and knife appears on screen.

The laughter from the audience at this sight soon turned to cheering once the camera changed back to the one at Daily Show Headquarters. Specifically Jon who was chuckling to himself before directly addressing the camera.

“Al Madrigal everybody,” he said. “Well be right back.”

With ear splitting cheering and applauding the show’s camera panned out to get a better view of both the set and Jon pretending to organize his notes. This continued until the screen went to black, signaling another commercial break.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Al Madrigal 2 (rough draft)

“Welcome back to the Daily Show!” Jon announced as the camera’s zoomed in on him. “Our own Al Madrigal has been in Equestria the past couple of days doing a report on security. His final day was spent filling this report.”

Like before the screen went back only to quickly return. This time the footage depicted rolling green hills and a large amounts of mountains in the background, all of which were lightly blanketed with Snow. Banking to the left it was revealed that a new castle was in sight, a castle located in the middle of the town and, from the looks of things, was comprised of diamond.

Quickly the camera shifted to show Al trouncing his way down a paved road that was located inside the city. Based on his movement and the look on his face he looked very flustered and possibly annoyed. This was confirmed by his tone when the overdub started.

Okay, okay let’s just get this over with! Imagine if you will a kingdom filled with with copious amounts of natural beauties, pristine environments, and a community that will always be there to lend a helping whatever. ” Al said hurriedly and with a level of enthusiams that showed he didn’t care at this point. The camera, instead of depicting the many beautiful scenery around town, showed Al dragging himself around a corner and up to a castle. “A kingdom of... shinny stuff and and... shiny people doing... stuff.. A Kingdom were nothing could go wrong. Yeah well look no further cause this is the Crystal Empire. Where all your dreams can come true and yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah aaaaand... yeah I thought so.”

At first there was just black which lead some viewers to believe there was another scene transition. But as soon as the camera zoomed out to get a better view it was revealed that the black was actually remnants of black smaug as an ominous figured loomed over the Crystal Empire.

At the peak of the shadowy figure a head took form to reveal it to be King Sombra. His attempts to breach the outer parameter causing a panic within the city. With a long and drawn out sigh Al began his monologue once again.

”During my second day in Equestria I traveled to a completely different Kingdom all together to continue my report. It was there that I got the chance to speak with their leader Princess Cadence to get her-- okay you know what let’s just skip this part you know the rest.” Al groaned as the onscreen version of himself threw his notes over his shoulder and just began to address his guest in the royal chambers of the Crystal Kingdom.

“Okay I got a train to catch back to Ponyville in about an hour so let’s make this quick.” Al began with Cadance looking not insulted but rather nonplused. “So what’s your deal? Is your Kingdom always under attack by monsters too? Do you even have an army or what? I mean what are the chances we get attacked right now during this interview and how on a scale of one to ten how fucked am I sitting here next to you.”

The camera switched to show Cadance a few seconds ahead to create the illusion that she was ready to answer right away after the audience was done laughing.

“Actually you are in one of the safest places in all of Equestria.” She answered after clearing her throat. “The Crystal Kingdom only recently returned from obscurity but in it’s heyday it was considered one of the most protected Kingdoms in the entire world. And with it’s recent additions it’s only gotten stronger.”

Just just like I expe-- hold on... what?

“Excuse me?” Al asked peeking over the sandbag barricade he had created for protection while wearing a army style helmet.

“It’s true. Because of our strategic location, which mostly benefits from harsh climates a surrounded parameter of mountain terrain and clear field for proper scouting, our Kingdom can hold it’s own from a direct attack which only happen...” Cadance said her voice lowering as the camera transitioned to later on in the interview. “... and then there’s our Military. Our own army is properly trained in the art of combat and is equipped with state of the art weaponry and armour constructed from the same material as our Castle. The Crystal Empire is called that for a reason. The substance that make up our Kingdom is harder than diamond which make for a good defensive measure against...”

Like before her voice faded as the footage jumped ahead to a further point in her explanation. But not before quickly depicting Al now properly back in his chair with a wide opened mouth as he marveled at everything that was being told unto him.

“... Which is why we’ve done so well thus far. And while I don’t want to come off as bragging I am a Princess Alicorn and with that comes a certain degree of skill. Growing up I trained under Celestia and have learned magic from both her, her sister, and skilled Unicorn Clerics. My signature spell is being able to construct almost impenetrable magic shields with massive radiance so in terms of protection I can hold down the fort so to speak. ” She continued. “I myself was instrumental in the defeat of Queen Chrysalis and Sombra, and Tirek so I know my way around a villain or two. My husband, who had been by my side for quite some time, as roughly the same experience I do but at the same time had the added bonus of being a high ranking army general with a mastery of wartime measures and tactics. He’s the one in charge of training our current military.”

”Okay! No where getting somwhere!”

“This... is what I’m talking about!” Al proclaimed looking overjoyed with himself as he leaned in and placed the flat of his hand against his mouth like he was trying to whisper. “Because between you and me Cadance, I have been all over Equestria to towns like Ponville and Canterlot to do a report on national security and I gotta say... those places are death traps compared to your place.”

“I wouldn't put it that way! I’ve been to these places and they’re all quite lovely. The fact that they’ve had some issues in the past doesn’t make them any less capable of protecting their people than we are.” Cadance advised looking to the side as if she could see far enough to get a view of the town in discussion. “Don’t forget that region is the capital of Equestria... part of their strength comes from the fact that very able bodies princesses live there.”

“Yeah but who's the one who blasted Chrysalis’ ass all the way back to her world?” Al asked.
Candance can kick ass

“Me and my husband.” Cadance answered trying her best to not seem overly proud of the fact.

“And you guys also defeated Sombra when he tried to retake the kingdom.” Al reminded giddily as he quickly picked his notes back up from the floor. “So tell me how’d you do it!? Seal him away with your magic? Had your army overpower him!? Tactical laser strike from space!? C’mon give me details!”

Before answering Cadance affordable herself a small window of time to chuckle to herself before answering. She somehwat knew how these things went and wanted to draw things out a little.

“Actually... would you believe a dragon defeated Sombra?” She asked with a charismatic smile.

“That’s awesome!” Al bellowed as he threw the papers in the air like confetti. “So is this dragon like your guardian or something? Does he fly around surveying your land ready to strike when evil rears it’s head!? Or, or, or, or you summon him with a magic spell-- OH WAIT I GOT IT! You’re the dragon and every full moon you transform into it.”

“Your way off I’m sorry to say. You might’ve already met him when he came to your boss’ studio.” She hinted. “It was Spike who did it.”

“Spike?” Al repeated disbelievingly. “The short little guy who doesn’t even have wings and has a crush on Rarity?”

“Uuuuum... isn’t that last bit of info supposed to be a secret?” Cadance asked.

“Don’t worry we can edit that out.” Al stated before turning to face directly into the camera to shake his head and motion with his hand for them to keep rolling.

“But yet it was spike who ultimately defeated Sombra.” she continued. “During his attempt to take over I and myself husband tried to keep him at bay long for Twilight to get rid of him by using our most sacred of items the Crystal Heart. But when she was unable to Spike used it himself, dealing the final blow.”

“Ah, here we go, a cute little dragon used a magical heart made of crystal to defeat the bad guy” Al summed up in a patronizing tone. “Let me guess... Sombra only got banished just like last time and he’ll just come back for revenge at some point in the future. Gotta keep things PG, right?”

“Not exactly. I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again anytime soon.” Cadance began. “The Crystal Heart banished him in the sense that he’s now dead.”

“W-what what did you say!?” he asked.

“He’s dead. The power of the Crystal Heart powered by this Castle was enough to kill him. ” Cadance repeated with Al once again taken aback. “It’s sad that it had to come to that but at the very least my people rest easy knowing he won’t return.”

“This is perfect!” Al proclaimed in such a high pitched squeal it made Cadence jump in her seat. “I am loving your style! You don’t take shit from no one! And here I thought everyone in this world was all ladie-dah love and tolerance through peace and whatever. Not you! Bad guy comes up to you talking smack and get someone to kill his ass!”

Despite his delight and laughing from the audience Cadence was less than supportive of Al’s level of enthusiasm. She almost looked disgusted as she stood up straight and tried to find the words to explain how she felt.

“I can believe... I’m sorry but I don’t feel like you should be celebrating the way you are. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for protecting my people but the fact that our hoof was forced in such a way is not something I take pride in.” she scolded. “When it comes to opposing forces it’s always best to offer peace onto our enemies. Or at the very least a show of mercy. Like we did with Discord, we may have been imprisoned on more than one occasion but he eventually turned over a new leaf.”

“Yeah, you say that... but I bet if Chrysalis had attacked you here in your Kingdom you wouldn't have blasted her over the horizon like you did at Canterlot.” Al assumed. “I know how you operate. An entire army invades Canterlot? Yeah I’ll send them flying home. One guy invades MY crystal empire... he’s not allowed to live.”

“I resent your accusations Mr. Madrigal. To suggest that I would act any differently in the face of adversity based on which kingdom was attacked in ridiculous!” She responded, taking a second to take a deep breathe as she held her hoof out like she was pushing all the air out of her lungs. “What you need to understand is the attack on my Kingdom and the one on Canterlot by Chrysalis were to completely different circumstances.”

Now having calmed down Al leaned back in his chair rolling his eyes at the incoming lecture that he never asked for.

“You see when King Sombra attacked he did so having being revived from his perpetual shadow state along with the Kingdom he once dictated over. At the time I was sent there from Canterlot to resolve this as best I could.” she continued. “Where with Chrysalis she tried to take power by marrying her way into the royal family.At the time I was a resident of Canterlot Castle so when she disguised herself as myself and went by the name Princess Cadenza mi amore the only option that would have--”

”Wait what?” Al’s overdub said over her explanation as on screen Al looked up from his notes quizzically. The camera then shifted back to Cadance still talking only to have her suddenly stop

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa hold on a second!” Al interrupted with an incredulous look on his face like he just smelled something rancid in the air. “Okay... there are two things you just said that I think need discussing.”

“And that would be?” she asked, not at all knowing what he was referring to.

“Well first off I just noticed something... King ‘Sombra’... Princess ‘Cadenza mi amore.’ he said in his tickets Mexican and Italian accent respectively. “What’s with the bad guys having the ethnic names?”

On the part of Cadence there was no way for her to know that Alessandro Liborio Madrigal was half Mexican and half italian. She did ,know however know that back in the human world race was a sensitive issue, and issue that she knew nothing about.

“O-oh I uh... I... I’m afraid I uh don’t know.” she struggled to say before regaining her composure. “To answer that... you’d have to ask them.”

What followed was an awkward silence that was made all the more intense with Al just glaring at her waiting for her to say something. Eventually she did if only to move things along.

“I believe you had another point you wanted to make.” she gestured for him to continue which he only did after a few more seconds of not saying anything to ramp up the awkwardness.

“Yes well... before you said you used to live at Canterlot Castle.” Al reminded.

“Yes I did... infact I grew up there,” she answered now having perked up at the topic of her old home town. “I only inherited this Kingdom very recently but I’m proud to now call it home.”

“Riiiight but before you said that Canterlot Castle power comes from having powerful princesses.” Al reminded which made Cadance new found perkiness disappear. “So if you’re here... then doesn’t that mean Canterlot is now at a disadvantage.”

Like before there was another round of silence, though not as lengthy as the previous one.

“I see where you're coming from... but trust me Canterlot has nothing to worry about in regards to my departure.” Cadance assured. “There might be one less Princess at Canterlot but it’s not like they’ll fall apart without me. Celestia and Luna protected their kingdom for centuries without me so I’m sure they’ll be fine. Plus my dear friend Twilight is now a Princess and is always nearby at Ponyville to lend a hoof.”

“You know what? Your right. I’m worrying over nothing.” Al said while gesturing with his hand like it was no big deal while Cadence agreed by nodding her head. “That place has plenty of Princesses flying around and hey if they’re over short they can make some new ones.”

“It’s... a little more complicated than that.” Cadance commented.

“Yeah but I’m sure you leaving will have absolutely no negative side effects whatsoever.” Al continued. “I mean it’s not like you took the Captain of the Canterlot Guards away from them or anything like that.”

The once whimsical smile on Cadence face slowly vanished at almost the same time as Al’s when he realized why she didn’t respond with anything but failed attempts to speak. Her mouth made the movements necessary for words to form but the remained inaudible.

Her inability to say anything was a tacit admission to what Al had implied which was enough for him to look horrified. It was only when the Princess was able to respond in the form of a nervous shrug of her shoulder that he lept into action.

”Oh shit!” Al’s overdub said as his on screen presences jolted from his seat just off camera only to reappear and sit back down in front of Celestia back at her office.

“You guys are fucking screwed!” He told her so directly she couldn't help but chuckle to herself. “Okay not only do you guys get invaded every tuesday BUT you're short one princess AND she stole your highest ranking army officer in the process!”

“Al, again, I assure you that we as kingdom are quite safe from danger,” Celestia said with bold confidence. “Our history is a long and prosperous one and while I will be the first to admit it’s been one not without it’s conflicts, we’ve always survived.”

“Okay but let’s say what if you, Luna, and your army are defeated and some evil guy is trying to take over Equestria.” Al submitted for consideration. “How will your people be protected then?”

“I must say that is a pretty big ‘what if,’” Celestia commented with all giving her a look for her to continued. “But as leader one most always be prepared for such scenarios to occur, I’ll grant you that.”

Usually this would be the point where instead of cutting ahead the editing teams showed the interviewee struggling to come up with an answer among the many “um” and “er.” But to even Al surprise she already knew the answer.

“Well... going on past experience I think in that the solution would be to call upon our greatest national treasure the Elements of Harmony.” Celestia hinted at. “And while I don’t feel it’s a particularly good idea to rely on them so heavily I must confess it is reassuring to know that Twilight and her friends are always willing and able to lend their strength to protecting all of Equestria.”

Of course! How could I have forgotten about the Mane 6!?” Al’s overdubbed asked with on screen Al throwing his arms up in realization. The next shot was footage of al walking down a familiar dirt road only to turn a corner and enter the front entrance of sugar cube corner. Once insdie it was shown that all tables were pushed back in favor of only having seven chairs. One for all and the rest which were already being occupied by the Mane 6. “These 6 young mares graciously agreed to meet up with me in order to share their opinions on the growing issue of Equestria’s security. Speaking as it’s defenders.”

“As the owners of the Elements of Harmony how do you six ladies feel is the best way to keep Equestria safe from Evil?” Al asked in a straightforward tone as he leaned in.

Some of the mares seemed ready to answer but a few of them were glancing at each other like they were communicating via telepathy, which given the the fact that two of them were unicorns was a possibility. Al himself seemed to have noticed this since he was now squinting his eyes and glaring at their unwillingness to answer his questions.

Eventually someone did step up to speak. A pony who Al remembered as the first member of the Mane 6 to appear on the Daily Show.

“To be honest we technically don’t have the elements of Harmony anymore.” Applejack revealed with Al no longer looking confused but rather terrified.

Oh.

“It’s true.” Commented a soft spoken Pegasus who Al also knew to be Fluttershy. “We um... we gave it back to the tree of Harmony.”

My.

“It was necessary you see so that Celestia and Luna could once again be free from their ghastly imprisonment.” The proper Unicorn Rarity stated. “When we relinquished our individual elements they were set free to govern once more. And to make certain that the tree wouldn’t wither away”

“Yeah! That poor widdle tree got taken over by some meanie old vines!” Pinkie Pie stated. “But thanks to us we showed em who's boss!”

God.

“We did borrow the power the elements to go super ponies for a little while when we kicked Tirek’s butt!” Rainbow Dash informed. “But the actual elements are still in that tree thing.”

“That’s right. So for the time being we are in fact, without our legendary artifacts. But if it’s alright with you I’d still very much like to answer your question on Equestrian Security.” Twilight said, a nearby book ready to open with her magic. “I’ve actually been reading up on this topic and I find that a properly maintained defensive measure in the form of--”

The sound of Al’s chair crashing to the ground interrupted Twilight, but it was the sight of Al running as fast as he could towards the door and which made her stop talking.After a quick change of camera views viewers were now watching Al bursting out of the bakery and running down the nearest road, knocking over a couple of ponies in the process.

Okaaaaay so maybe coming here to talk about security wasn’t the best idea. Constant attacks, questionable army, and now their own god-like protectors lost their powers.” Al listed in a clam and fluent voice to contrast his worried face and breathless panting as he continued to run away on screen. “You know maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong. Maybe THEY’RE the ones who could learn a thing or two from US. Hmmm how do ordinary people in the human world protect themselves from?

The camera at this point just just finished following Al, allowing him to run off screen, but soon after shifted to something new. What was now being shown was footage of real life humans, each of whom were either NRA representatives or a Fox “reporter.”

”The surest way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun!”

”The founding fathers knew that their citizens would be called upon to defend their country! This is why they made the second amendment! So that we could protect ourselves!

”If man breaks into my house and threatens me I’m going to shoot him! I don’t care who he is or what he’s doing if he’s on my property I have the right to end is life!”

”More guns equals less crime! Period!”

”Five days!? But I’m angry now!” Homer simpson whined before the store clerk took his firearm away. “I’d kill you if I had my gun!”

[Put video here] http://youtu.be/xIpLd0WQKCY?t=37s

Of course! The answer was in front of me the entire time!” Al’s overdub said as footage showed him running back to sugar cube corner holding a cardboard box almost as big as him. Guns! Nothing makes a community safer quite like introducing guns.”

With the camera now pointed at the Mane 6 those watching got to see they’re varying degrees of concern when Al returned to the store and slammed the box in front of them as he sat back down.

“Okay since you six are now powerless to help anyone you’ll need a new form of power to protect the innocent. Luckily I’ve got just just the things for you!” He said slightly out of breath as he opened the tof the container. Unceremoniously he began to grab gun after gun and practically threw them at a random pony with no regard to safety or who got which brand of firearm. Sitting back down Al nodded to himself with the camera still on him. “Okay! I think that just about does it! Now you're ready to fight crime and protect your country! The american way!”

The audience laughed as the camera angle was now behind Al’s head to show each pony now holding some form of weaponry. The footage was cut slightly make it seem like they obtained each gun right away without faltering and to avoid the scene where Al gave them the actual weapons from off camera rather than the ones that were in the box

Using her magic Twilight was holding a high powered sniper rifle, curiously trying to look through its scope. By the same fashion Rarity was using her magic to hold her weapon, a 6 chamber revolver, though unlike Twilight she had very little interest in it and was using her powers of levitation to keep it outstretched as if it smelled foul.

Without the benefit of magic Applejack fumbled to hold onto the pump action shotgun in her hooves while Pinkie Pie had no trouble carrying a minigun to her side. Her experience with carrying her party cannon prepared her for this.

Rainbow Dash was forced to sit back down rather than flying in place as she used a combination of her hooves and wings to hold a double barrel scattergun. It wasn’t that lumbersome but the one pony who had the most trouble was Fluttershy who somehow was given a crossbow rather than a more modern piece.

Each friend took turns giving each other confused looked before turning back to Al once he began talking

“Now isn't this much better!? Al asked without expecting an answer back. “Don’t we just feel safer already?”

“Well sugarcube,” Applejack began before pausing to push Dash’s gun away since it was pointed directly at her face. “No. Not really.”

“Yeah no kidding!” Dash responded. “Why would we ever need guns?”

“I’m no expert...” Pinkie said while somehow mustering the strength to hold up her weapon, which weighed 150 kilograms, with one hoof. “Buuuuut can’t these hurt ponies?”

“Absolutely! The last thing we need here in Ponyville is guns!” Twilight responded. “I mean... how... how did you even get these into Eqeustria!?”

“I’m Latino.” Al responded proudly. “Smuggling things across borders is in my blood.”

As the crowd laughed the camera went back to the ponies to show them awkwardly (Fluttershy Especially) still trying to hold their newly acquired weapons for a few seconds before going back to Al.

“Okay so from here on out whenever evil threatens the lands I want you six to use these instead.” Al explained. “Undesrtand?”

“Um, exactly how the hay are we even supposed to use these things?” Rainbow Dash asked with a smug look about her.

“Simple,” Al responded by grabbing a gun in his hand and gesturing off to his side while still making eye contact. “You just point and shoot!” The camera panned over to show that he was unintentionally aiming his weapon at Mr and Ms. Cake.

“Not what I meant smart guy.” Rainbow Dash responded, though Al was still lost.

“Ahem... if I may?” Rarity interjected. “I believe what Dear Rainbow Dash is trying to say is how are we supposed to physically operate these... armaments?”

“Simple you just pull the trigger with your fin--,” Al began before stopping himself mid sentence. “Oooooooh... right.”

The realization washed over Al as the Mane 6 just glared at him disapprovingly. Except for Fluttershy who, in an attempt to continuing holder her crossbow fell out of her chair and landed on the gorund with an “eep”

”Okay new idea.”

“How about this... show of hooves. Who here knows someone who has hands?” Al asked. After a few seconds only two ponies raised their hooves in the air. One being Twilight and the other being Fluttershy thought hers was barely noticeable since she was still on the ground and out of the camera’s shot. “Perfect! Tell them to meet me here in five minutes.”

With continued expressions of concern from the ponies the scene went black to show a long and drawn out transition. A transition that had a message which ready “five minute later.” When the scene returned audiences saw that they were in the same place as before.

The camera angle was back on Al’s chair at just the right time to see him sit back down. When he adjust himself and looked forward he was moments away from speaking to his new guests only to pause when he realized who was now here.

With a quick glance at this watch to make sure a full five minutes had passed he began to look around the room before looking forward again with outstretched hands and a look of disappointment.

“This is it!?” Al moaned as the camera turned to show he was now sitting in front of Spike and Discord. “This all they could find?”

The audience began to cheer at the newcomers. One of which was so small he had to stand in his seat and the other so big his seat looked like it was going to break under his pressure. The camera stayed on them a little longer to allow the audience time to cheer with Spike looking somewhat pensive and Discord bored out of his mind.

Al was about to comment once more on the poor turn out when Spike raised his hand in the air.

“Uuuum... why are we here? he asked. Al looked mortified to hear that they weren’t briefed as to why they were asked to show up but in the end had no time to answer.

“Okay Screw it! I’ll fill you in later.” He said as he once again brought out his box of weapons and began to hand them out. “Here, take these. You two are now the new guardians of Equestria.”

“Wait what!?” Spike said confused both at this proclamation and the fact that a pistol was just thrown at him. Discord on the other hand no longer looked bored.

“So let me see if I understand you correctly?” Discord began, his words slithering out of his mouth. “You’re just giving us these devious, deadly, destructive, weapons? To keep?”

“Yep.” Al said proudly. Not at all considering the dangers of giving guns to a god of evil and a baby dragon.

With a stretch of both arms Discord grabbed handfuls of guns to put in his pocket while keeping one in each hand. His eyes were dilated like he just saw the sun for the first time and his smile was so wide that all of his razor sharp fangs were in full display. Spike on the other hand was not as enthusiastic.

“Um are you sure it’s okay for us to have these?” Spike asked now holding his own piece which barely fit in his hand. “I mean... aren’t there laws that say you like... I don’t know, need a permit to have one? I don’t wanna hurt anypony.”

“Don’t worry about that. Besides you should be used to hurting other by now.” Al commented. “You did afterall kill King Sombra with the Crystal heart.”

“I did what!” Spike gasped dropping his handgun on the ground before Discord reached over and took it for himself. “I... I killed King Sombra!... B-but Twilight told me I just made him go away.”

“Nope; she lied.” Al responded. “He’s dead.”

This information was dramatic enough to make the now wayward dragon fall down in his seat, while Discord helped himself to another helping of guns. WIth Spike looking petrified in place Al took this moment to reach over and shove another gun into his stomach for him to grab, snapping him out of his shocked stupor before implications of his actions could fully set in.

“Also don’t worry about Firearm regulations,” he continued. “Since guns doesn't exist here in Equestria there are no laws restricting them. There’s literally no rules here that says you can't have one.”

“No rules you say?” Discord chimed in as he happily cocked his gun to load a bullet into the chamber with another toothy grin. “I like the sound of that.”

”On second thought,” Al’s overdub said as the camera shifted to show Discord holding a gun in each hand and one by his tail while Spike closed one eye to look down the barrel of his own pistol. “I think I can work with this.”

For the final time the screen faded to black for several seconds leaving some to believe that the report had ended. It was only when Al’s overdub returned that viewers realized what was next.

”In a world filled with uncertainty and chaos there lies the simple town of Ponyville. A town that may seem like a nice place to visit... but you wouldn't want to live there!” Al said in a dramatic tone as quick flashes of pictures show ponies getting mugged or kidnapped. “A town where danger lurks around every corner and the innocent are in constant fear for the lives. This town needs a beacon of life, a hero, a symbol they can hold onto... what they need... IS SPIKE AND THE DISCORD!”

Without warning loud Disco music began to play as the audience cheered when an explosion erupted on screen to reveal Spike and Discord riding down the ponyville streets in a 1979 Cadillac Eldorado. Both of them wore suits with leather jackets and hid their faces behind aviator classes. But while Discord had an afro three times the size of his own body Spike has a 70’s style porno mustache and toothpick in his mouth.

The two of them rode down the surprisingly empty streets of ponyville as the disco music played at just a low enough level that one could hear Al’s overdubbing.

“Meet Spike and the Discord! A pair of beat cops who patrol the harsh streets of Ponyville, keeping her safe from the scum that infest it!” Al said as the pair turned on their sirens. “One is a hero among the crystal people and the other is a former criminal turned good. These two do whatever it takes to bring in their man! Because when it comes to Spike and the Discord... they don’t play by rules!”

“Over here on your left!” Discord pointed.

“I’m on it partner!” Spike responded as the car came to a screeching halt to the side of road where Rarity was in the middle of being mugged for her purse.

“Help, help!” Rarity shrieked with one hoof on her purse and the other across her forehead dramatically. “Won’t somepony please help me!”

“Hand over the goods and no pony needs to get hurt!” The mugger, who was obviously Rainbow Dash in a ski mask, said as both Spike and Discord ran up to her while aiming their guns. This finally got her attention which allowed Rarity to snag her purse back. “Gasp! It’s Spike and the Discord!”

“That’s right Painbow Smash!” Discord proclaimed as he aimed his gun. “Now come along quietly and maybe we won't rough you up back at the station.”

“You’ll never take me alive!” Dash said as she arched her back and spread her wings.

“Don’t me us have to use lethal force!” Spike warned. But it was too late as she was now airborne. “She’s resisting arrest! FIRE AT WILL!”

With the command now given the buddy cop duo began to fire wildly into the air with sound and and camera effects so fake and cheesy it wouldn't fool a toddler. Eventually one of the “bullets” found it’s target, hiding Rainbow Dash right in the flank causing her to explode mid air in a blast of fire that was as fake as the gun shots.

Despite witnessing her gruesome death Rarity was overjoyed by this.

“Oh thank you, thank you Spike and the Discord!” She said, leaning over to peck spike on the cheek. “You're my hero!”

“All in a days work ma'am.” Spike said as he opened the door to his cadillac, hopped on his kiddy chair and drove away off screen which also acted as a transition to another part of Ponyville .

This time the scene opened with the Ponyville Bank’s alarm going off as a getaway wagon was parked outside was being filled with bags upon bags of money. The robbery in question being carried out by Twilight and Pinkie Pie who doubled as the getaway pony who would pull the cart.

In between throwing bags of money into the cart Twilight multitasked by firing shots of magic at Spike and Disord’s parked car which they were ducked behind for cover. Everytime either of them tried to peak over to see they would almost get hit with a bolt of magic. Discord himself already had three gaping holes in his afro.

“Discord cover me!” Spike demanded.

“I’m sorry Spike but... I can’t,” He responded. “I’m three weeks away from retirement.”

Suddenly the firing stopped as Twilight was now trying to coax Pinkie, who was trying to use some of the stolen money to buy a donut from a local vender, into pulling the cart away so they could escape. Seizing the opportunity Spike fired a single shot at the cart’s back wheel which, despite the fact that it was just an ordinary cart, resulted in it exploding in a blaze of cheap effects. Only the donut vender survived.

“Son of a bitch.” Discord commented as he approached Spike from behind and slowly took of his glasses. “You're a loose cannon Spike!... but your a damn good cop.”

And with that another transition swept the screen with the two of them in front of Sweet Apple Acres where the apple family was being held hostage by the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Applebloom wasn’t entirely sure which side she was on in this scenario.

“We ain't coming out no matter what, you pigs!” Scootaloo yelled from one of the open windows that showed Applejack, Granny Smith, and Bic Mac tied up in the living room. “Take another step closer and the old one gets it!”

“Yeah that’s right!” Sweetie Belle screamed along side her accomplice. “We’ll only nagiciate when we get a private one way balloon trip to the--”

Before she could finish both Spike and Discord, apparently fed up with their talking, open fired at the barn with seemingly regard for what they hit, resulting in a predictable outcome. Like before there was an explosion, followed by another, then another until the entire farm was covered in cheap lighting effects.

A final explosion acted as the next transition which had the two rogue comps in a dark office, illuminated by a single flickering lamp. Both Spike and Discord sat in chairs with uncaring looks as their police chief, played by Al himself, slammed on the desk as he yelled at the two of them. Scaring his desk assistant Fluttershy in the process

“What the hell were you two thinking!? UGH! The mayor’s gonna be all over my ass for this!” Al roared as Spike flicked his toothpick to the side and Discord took away his own ears so he wouldn't have to listen this lecture. “That’s the third time this week you two geniuses blew up Applejack's house! It’ll take them minutes to raise that barn!”

“Are we done here?” Spike asked. “I got IMPORTANT things that need doing.”

“You're on thin Ice Spikezowsky! Having you and your partner on the payroll is more of a liability than the it’s worth!” Al exclaimed. “Why, I have half a mind to take your badges right here right now.”

“Then why don’t you!” Discord asked as he leaned back in his chair and threw his legs on Al’s desk.

“I would but... I made a promise to your sister years ago.” Al replied as he swatted his feet back onto the ground. “And besides... you two may be crazy sons of bitches... but dammit if you don’t get results. I’m giving you one last chance... here are your badges and guns back... but remember... one more screw up and it’s back to parking meter duties for the two of you!”

Getting up from their seats the two cops pick up their badges and their trusty guns. A vintage ruger service six series for spike and a Beretta 70S, pump action shotgun, industrial sized flamethrower complete with backpack for storing fuel, military grade rocket launcher, a modified 3rd series party cannon, a really big rock, an AK47 assault rifle, and a slingshot.

“We won’t let you down chief!” Both cops said in unison.

“I know you wont.” Al said as he shook both their hands. “Now go out there and make me proud.”

To put emphasis on their agreement all three police officers jump into the air and scream “yeah!” before freeze framing mid jump. And there they remained till another explosion erupted on screen followed by the return of the disco music which accompanied the title card which read “Spike and the Discord.”

”Will our heroes keep their jobs? Will Applejack raise a new barn in time for another harvest? Will Pinkie Pie ever eat that donut?” Al’s overdub asked. “To find out tune in next week for another thrilling episode of... SPIKE AND THE DISCORD! Only on HBO.”

The crowd at Daily Show headquarters rose to their feet and cheered as loudly as they could when the camera finally went back to Jon who was sitting at his desk trying not to laugh.

“Thanks for the report.” He said before rearranging his notes and pointing to his side. “Al Madrigal everybody! We’ll be right back!”

By this time the crowd was still cheering and applauding form the report so when the camera panned out they’re only option was to intensify their price before the show cut to black to make way for another commercial break.

Author's Note

Years ago I stopped writing here, but never published a few stories that were being edited at the time. For the hell of it here they are.

Intro: The letter

It had been a long month and the week-long break didn't help much. All in all, Jon Stewart felt like he was at his wits end. Recently officials from Comedy Central studio informed Jon that his show wasn't doing so well in the ratings. In truth, it wasn't doing that bad, just not as well as they had projected, which meant that it was up to Jon to think of some new ways to attract more viewers.

There were some ideas thrown around the studio in the past couple weeks, but nothing excited the hard-to-please executives calling the shots from behind the scenes. Although it was never openly discussed, Jon feared that his show might be cancelled unless some changes were done and fast. The studio had given him a week long break, as they usually do every now and again, but this time they expected him to use this mini-vacation to come up with some new ideas.

It was now Sunday night, he was scheduled to go on the air again the next morning, and he had... nothing.

As Jon entered the study of his house, he wondered what he was going to tell his bosses tomorrow morning or, for that matter, what he would tell his faithful cast and crew if his worse case scenario came true. As he pondered this, Jon noticed something sitting on his desk that hadn't previously been there. At first glance, it looked to be one of his discarded notes of ideas, but as he got closer, he realized it was actually some kind of rolled up, sealed letter.

This confused Jon as he had never seen it before nor should he have any new mail on a Sunday. But what confused him even more was the fact that it didn't look like an average letter. It wasn't a properly sealed envelope with a U.S. stamp, but instead it seemed to be a rolled up parchment wrapped with some kind of official seal holding it all together.

Jon broke the seal and opened his newly acquired mystery letter which was comprised of six pages. The first page was a letter addressed to Jon himself and the other five pages were lists of what seemed to be names.

Putting on his reading glasses, Jon wondered where it came from and how it got on his desk, thinking that it might be a clever game invented by his son to cheer daddy up. As Jon took the first page and began to read it he was certain that, yes, this had to be the case. Based on the contents of the letter, it had to have been dreamt up by a child.

Jon placed the list of names on his desk and turned his attention again to the letter which read:

Dear Mr. Stewart:

Greetings. My name is Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria, and I am writing to let you know that I wish to assist you in your time of need. It has come to my understanding that you are in some trouble involving your program 'The Daily Show' and, while I'm afraid I'm not as well versed in the art of comedy such as yourself, I do have access to a wide range of acquaintances who I'm sure could be of great assistance to you.

Attached to this letter is a list of names. All you need to do is pick any name from this list and, assuming they'll cooperate, I'll see to it that they appear on your show. I'm certain an interview with any given one of them will help you immensely while, at the same time, proving to be beneficial to them as well.

If you have any more questions regarding any of this or wish to select a name from the aforementioned list, please contact me at (1027)-1059-02861.

Thank you in advance; I hope to hear from you soon.

-Princess Celestia

"What the hell kind of prank is this?" Jon thought to himself as he read over the letter again.

The more he thought about it, the more he concluded this couldn't have been his son's doing. The handwriting, though nothing to be impressed by, was far too neat to be his son's. Also, the way the note was worded was much too elegant to have been written by a child, almost as if it really was from someone of royalty.

Jon, at this point fully ready to go to sleep, reached for the list of many names, glancing over them while occasionally stopping to read one or two.

Berry Punch, Bon-Bon, Octavia, Shining Armor, Trixie, Zecora, Gilda...

The list went on and on and began to resemble less like a list of names and more like a list of failed candy names.

Some names, however, were in bold and were located at the very top of the list which, Jon could only guess, meant they were important people. These bolded names included such colorful sounding folks like: Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, even the name of the so called "Princess" herself.

Jon sat in his chair and laughed at the thought of a Princess sending him royal mail and offering her assistance. Jon had to admit that the letter did look very official. Though, at the same time, if an official-esque letter from "Royalty" is all it took to convince Jon of its validity, then he would have lost all his money to a Nigerian Prince a long time ago.

As strange as this all was, Jon was no stranger to powerful people trying to get in contact with him. In the past, he had received phone calls from foreign leaders, ambassadors, and former U.S. Presidents. Usually because they wished to set up some kind of appearance on his show or to invite him to a social gathering, but this just seemed absurd.

Still...Jon had to agree that an interview with someone who has connections to royalty would definitely be just the angle he needed to impress those back at work. Jon quickly dismissed the idea.

"NO! That's stupid!" he thought, shaking his head, "This is obviously a fake. I mean, there's no place on Earth called 'Equestria' and I'm pretty sure the ruler of an entire nation has better things to do than to pull her resources to help a single New Yorker down on his luck."

Having said that, Jon was once again reminded of his current predicament and glanced over at his clock which told him that it was 11:34pm. It was almost Monday.

Next to his clock was Jon's study phone which he rarely used. It was a simple, black phone, nothing special, but as he looked at it his mind began to wander. He thought about his show. He thought about his friends and family who relied on him. And he thought about his millions of fans.

To this day, he is unsure as to what exactly made him pick up that phone. Maybe it was his lack of sleep, or sheer curiosity, or maybe he was just desperate. Either way, he picked up his phone and, with a deep sigh, dialed the obviously fake number to see what would happen. To his surprise, after a few seconds of ringing, someone actually picked up.

"Hello?" A soothing voice said, clearly from the other line.

"Um...hi?" Jon said, who was all but certain no one would answer, "Princess...Celestia?"

"Ah! Mr. Stewart, I'm so glad you decided to call me," The voice said, "Yes, this is Princess Celestia. So, have you decided on which of my loyal subjects you wish to interview?"

Jon found himself at a lost for words. Whoever this person was, she was very committed to the act.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you're trying to do here." He said, trying to sound as authoritative as possible.

"Whatever do you mean?" The voice asked.

"What I mean 'your majesty,' is I'm not sure what your motive here is," Jon answered, rubbing his tired eyes, "What do you want? Money? Because I don't have much. Also, how did you get this letter in my house? Do I need to alert the authorities?"

"Mr. Stewart," The voice said, with a hint of seriousness, "I assure you, this is not some kind of trick nor are you in any danger. Like I detailed in my letter, I only wish to help you."

Jon now felt annoyed as he thought the mere mention of the police would cause his prankster to hang up. Before Jon could say another word, the voice spoke again.

"I understand this must all be very suspicious to you," The voice added, "But believe me when I say I only have your best interests in mind." Jon sat back down in his chair, rubbing his hand over his face.

"Well you'll forgive me if I don't just take your word for it," Jon said, his voice now thick with exhaustion, "But I tend not to believe every nutcase who sends me letters claiming to be the ruler of a foreign land that doesn't exist."

Jon could hear the person on the other end now giggle softly as she once again spoke in her calming voice.

"I suppose I'll just have to show you then," The voice said, "Show you that I am serious about who I am and what I'm willing to do."

This sounded less like reassurance to Jon and more like a threat, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious as to where the caller was going with this.

"Do me a favor Mr. Stewart," The voice added, "Please close your eyes and make sure you are standing straight up."

"Sure thing," Jon grunted, as he leaned back in his seat defiantly. Holding the note and list in front of him, "And while I'm at it why don't I-"

Before Jon could finish his statement, a bright light flashed all around him, blinding him. The sensation of this sudden burst of light was soon replaced with the crashing feeling of falling onto cold, hard ground. The slow regaining of his sight coupled with his aching lower back and head made it feel as if he had just woken up from a knockout punch.

"You didn't stand up like I asked." A familiar voice said piercing the silence.

As Jon's vision slowly returned, he stumbled to his feet and noticed that he was no longer in his study, but in some kind of giant chamber which could easily have housed his study 20 times over. The room was decorated in the finest tapestries and stained glass, each of many colors and designs, with the occasional artifact on display.

In his lifetime, as a famous political comedian, Jon had been invited to many extravagant locations and settings. None of which even came close to this.

Jon also noticed, via the many giant windows, that it was dark outside but the inside of the room was brightly lit with many torches attached to the columns. Columns which lead in rows of two to an exit on one side and, to the other, a deluxe chair which could only be described as a throne.

Sitting on that throne, much to Jon's shock, was what appeared to be a large animal (a horse perhaps) complete with wings on its back, a horn on its head, and a crown to go with it. Its body was pale white and it had free flowing hair of many colors.

Before Jon could make head or tails at what he was looking at (which was also looking at him) the most amazing thing yet happened. This multi-colored creature of many features... spoke.

"I do hope you're alright," The animal said with a gentle smile, "We wouldn't want your first trip to our world to be a foul one now would we?"

Jon recognized the creature's voice.

"Y-y-you're Princess...Celestia! Aren't you!?" Jon said, now fully standing up, his eyes wide with astonishment.

"Yes I am. Welcome to my palace." Celestia said, giving a reassuring smile, "You can come closer Mr. Stewart. I promise I won't bite."

Jon felt weak in the legs. Everything inside him was telling him that this was all fake. An illusion. Some kind of dream. But the pain of his back and the cold feel of the marble floor under his feet told him that this was very much real. Just then, Jon realized that something the Princess had said was very important.

"Wait a minute," Jon Said, "Where am I!?"

The Princess smiled.

"Why, you are in my Kingdom," She replied, extending a wing over to a nearby window, "Take a look for yourself." Jon was momentarily startled by the creature's massive wingspan.

He hesitated to follow the creature's orders, but curiosity once again got the better of him and he slowly made his way towards the window, walking cautiously as if he were navigating across hot coal. He held the back of his head and kept an ever watchful eye over the talking animal.

Even though it was dark, Jon could see an outside world much different than his own. Instead of concrete sidewalks he saw dirt roads. Instead of tall buildings piercing the clouds, he saw small towns and villages. And instead of humans he saw more animals.

"Welcome to Equestria," Celestia said, now behind him, "So, have you decided?"

"Uh...decided on what?" he asked, momentarily surprised by the elegant creature now being closer than before.

"On who you wish to interview first," she replied, motioning to the papers in his hand, "If you need any information regarding anypony on the list, I'd be glad to assist."

Jon didn't respond right away. Instead he just stared at the Princess then back out of the window. He could hardly believe it. It was all true. Talking animals, another nation in another world, and this royal Princess. All of it was true. Jon then thought about what this meant for him and turned to face the Princess who still had her eyes focused on him.

"Sooo anyone on this list," Jon said holding up the papers, "You'll let me have them on my show?"

"That is correct Mr. Stewart," Celestia replied, "Just give me a name and I'll make sure they're teleported to your studio at your behest." Jon looked at her with confusion as he followed her back to her throne.

"Don't you mean 'Transported'", Jon said, hoping to God that he was wrong.

With a slight giggle Celestia replied.

"Like I said Mr Stewart, just pick any name and I'll handle the rest." she said. Jon looked at the list of names and back at Celestia.

"Not to look a gift horse in the mouth," he said, regretting his choice of words, "But why are you doing all this for me?"

Celestia smiled and extended her hoof.

"Let's just say you have fans all over the world and parts beyond," she said, "So? Do we have a deal?" Jon stared at her outstretched front leg for a moment, then made his decision.

"Yeah," Jon said, firmly grabbing her hoof, "We have a deal... also, call me 'Jon.'" Celestia smiled and in excitement momentarily extended both her wings.

"Excellent! So have you decided on who you want on your show first?" She asked.

Jon took a moment to think about who he wanted to pick. He had very little to go on and decided to ask an obvious first question.

"Is everyone on this...list like you?" he asked. Celestia looked at the window she previously had Jon examine and responded.

"If you mean are they of royal descent, then you should know some of them are, yes," she said, now looking at Jon once again, "If you mean are they all talking animals...then the answer is, absolutely." Celestia smiled and winked.

Jon looked back at the list and was a second away from asking the Princess to give him some background information on some of the many names. But just then, something caught his eye, it was actually something he noticed when he first read the note. It was a name. A name that wasn't on the list, but a name that by all accounts seemed very promising. Jon had made up his mind.

"Actually, I have princess," he said, much to the delight of Celestia, "But this person isn't on the list you provided me." Celestia's expression changed from that of exuberance to confusion.

"Oh really?" Celestia said, now very intrigued, "Whose name is it?" Jon then presented to Celestia the very note that she herself gave him and pointed to a little clause at the end written in small print.

It read:

"Royal mail written, dictated, and delivered by 'Spike the Dragon.'"

Later that night in Jon's study

"Hello!? Yes, get me Mr. Steven Bodow!" Jon said to the secretary on the other end of the line, his voice filled with excitement, "Hello Stevie? Yeah, it's me Jon! Listen, you're never going to believe who I got for tomorrow's show!

Episode 3 [Applejack]: Please welcome to the show Applejack

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Applejack (AJ)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The set of the Daily show looked different this time around. The stage designers figured that a special Sunday edition of the show needed a special set design; what they couldn't figure out though was why Jon insisted that haystacks be strewn around the set and that the backdrop be changed to that of John Chapman farm.

The only idea that made sense to them was the decision to add some extra seats to house more people. An effort that was well managed as attendance was just as prominent and immediate as ever.

The crowd soon found themselves cheering again as the camera paned all around them in a circular motion, to let viewers see the many people in attendance and the new set. The camera view then changed to one zooming in on Jon himself who could be seen finishing up a final point in his notes.

"Welcome back to 'The Daily Show' my guest tonight, ooooh we got a good one for you today," Jon said, rubbing his stomach. "She is a member of an elite team of ponies known as the 'Elements of Harmony,' and one of the owners of Ponyville's primary supplier of apples, please welcome to the show, Applejack!

The crowd erupted in applause as Applejack made her way on the stage looking very much the same as she always does except for two bags hanging on either side of her. At the request of Jon the music that usually accompanies every guest was changed to something a little more representing of his guest. Jon met his guest half way and leaned forward to shake her hoof and wave at the audience, giving them a momentary photo-op.

The two soon made their way back to the desk where Jon offered to help Applejack onto her seat. This was unnecessary as she managed to get on her chair by herself in a single leap, looking slightly proud of herself as she did. Jon, in a silly attempt to intimidate this, jumped into his seat as well throwing his arms in the air as if to say "What now?"

He waited for the audience to calm down before speaking, which he noticed took longer than usual.

"Welcome to the program Applejack," Jon said, organizing his notes. "We're really glad to have you here today."

"Thank ya kindly. Oh and you can call me AJ," She responded, taking a moment to look around. "I like what you've do with the place."

"I know right," he said, "I figured you'd like it. We had our interns stay up all night putting this together. I'm telling we had so many unpaid workers walking around carrying heaps of haystacks."

"Y'all didn't have to go through all the trouble, on my account" She said, tilting her hat. "I'm just like any other pony out there, I put my saddle on one hoof at a time." As the crowd laughed she noticed that Jon once again was rubbing his stomach where she had previously kicked him.

"Oh and uh, sorry again about before." She said with a guilty smile on her face.

"That's right, you- let me tell you guys about this one," Jon said, turning to the audience. "So I go to her farm to see if she wants to appear on my show...and wouldn't you know she kicks me half way back to Brooklyn!"

"Like I said I'm sorry!" Applejack responded defensively. "I feel powerfully guilty about what happened but y'all scared me! Plus my little sister was with me, I was just tryin'to protect us"

"Well aint that just like hic!" Jon said, shaking his head and switching to his 'New york accent'. "A stranger, whose species you've never seen before, suddenly appears on your private property and aaall you can think to do is defend your baby sister from potential danger...you make me sick!" The audience as well as Applejack laugh while Jon still gave her a look of fake disgust.

"Oh and be the way!" Jon contnued, pretending to hold back tears, "...when I went and visited you I was dressed to the nine but when you come and visit me, nothing....not even a change of hat."

"Hey now, that's not entirely true!" She said quickly. "I let them fancy backroom folk of yours do my hair." Jon could barely notice. The only thing different about her this time around, as far as he could tell, was she wasn't covered in a thin layer of dirt.

"I even changed the stage for you," Jon continued on his fake rant. "Aaaand what do- do I get...bupkis!"

"Well actually that's where you're wrong, Jon." Applejack said with a smile. "I did bring ya something!" Before he could respond she reached into one of her bags and pulled out a shiny red apple. She then proceeded to breath on it and rub it against her chest to give it a nice shine.

"Here y'are Jon" She said, tossing him the apple which he almost dropped. "Ya may not be a teacher but I reckon you deserve a nice tasty apple...oh and don't worry I won't eat it later on like somepony I know." Somewhere in a world far from New York a Pegasus just blushed.

"Well thanks AJ." Jon said seriously, taking a bite out of his newly acquired gift. It was the best tasting apple he ever had.

"Well shucks, it aint no problem. Oh, and I think ya forgot about that other gift I gave ya,"Applejack continued. Jon looked baffled. "If y'all reckon back I graciously gave you mah autograph."

"What autograph?" Jon said, as he swallowed his last bite.

"The autograph of the two hoof prints I left on that fancy shirt of yours." She said proudly as she took a sip of her mug of water. Suddenly Jon felt like he was back at Sweet Apple Acres, flat on his back in the dirt. Her perfectly executed rebuttal left him at the mercy of a wave of laughter and applause from the audience. She was off to a good start.

"Just...just don't be offended If I sell it on eBay." Jon said who was barely audible over the crowds continued laughter. It would be a little while before Jon would get up from this one.

"So hey! For those at home wondering is 'Applejack' really your name." Jon asked. Having a guest explain the context behind their name would be a pretty common theme for many interviews to follow.

"That's right Jon," She said, proudly facing the audience. "Applejack at yer service!"

"And you live on a farm...with your brother Frostedflakes and sister FrootLoops ," Jon added as he leaned back in his hair, content with his quick and easy joke.

The audience laughed at the joke and although she didn't understand the reference Applejack kept her cool and carried by not showing a hint of weakness.

"Actually...I do live with some family," She said. "Why I got kin all over Equestria I reckon. But at Sweet Apple Acres I live with: mah Grandma; Granny Smith, a younger sister by the name of Applebloom, and an older brother; good ol' Big Macintosh."

Jon assumed ahead of time that he would only recognize one of those names, as he had already met her little sister when he visited the farm, but to his surprise he could actually identify another name.

"Oh Big Macintosh is your brother?" Jon asked, much to the surprise of Applejack, who wasn't expecting a stranger from another world to speak of her brother with such familiarity.

"Wait a gosh darn minute!" Applejack said, her confidence now starting to diminish somewhat. "How in the hay do you know my brother?" It was a valid question which Jon figured deserved a non-valid answer.

"Why I'll have you know...me and Big Mac go waaaay back!" He said, trying to sound serious. "I remember this one time we got busted for shop lifting at the local pet store." She didn't buy it for a second, as evident by a look on her face like someone had just told her the world was flat.

"Honestly though, I don't really 'know' him per se. Over the "break" I had uh- I had the opportunity to call and write random people to see if they'd come on my show...you know at some point in the future maybe," Jon continued. "And one of the people I called was actually your brother it would seem."

"Well how'd ya like that!" Applejack said, once again sounding proud. "A big time city slicker like you asking my brother to appear on T.V.! So what did the big guy say?"

"See that's the strange part," Jon said. "I can remember the conversation we had so perfectly because we- because it was so...brief." Applejack was beginning to see where this was going.

"Here, I'll show you," he added, sitting up in his chair. "This is exactly how it went:"

"Hi, is this...Big Macintosh?"

"Yep."

"Listen my name is Jon Stewart, I'm the host of 'The Daily Show,' and I was wondering

if you would like to appear on my show sometime?

"Nope."

"And that was it!" Jon finished.

The audience began to laugh at Jon's story but it was Applejack who was laughing the hardest.

"Yessiree, that's my brother alright!" She said still laughing. "He's...he's sorta the strong silent type."

"Yeah I gathered." Jon said, sounding unamused.

"Yeah, but don't take it personally he's like that with everypony." Applejack said with a sigh as she looked over her shoulder at the backstage. "It's gonna be hard not seeing my family for awhile."

"So yeah what's this I hear about you staying in New York for a few day?" Jon asked, sounding somewhat concerned. "I saw you had some luggage backstage and everything."

"Well Jon," She said. "I've decided to stay here for a little while to take in the sights and improve my knowledge in the field of apples...uh, no pun intended"

"Now don't get be wrong New York is a beautiful place," Jon interjected. "But I just don't see a country girl like you being anywhere near a big city. Besides how will you- how will staying here a few days help you on the farm in even the slightest."

"Well for starters I'm fixin to go and find that giant apple I've heard so much about." She said her eyes wide with excitement.

"I'm sorry," Jon said leaning forward, unsure of what she meant. "Your going to try and find...a giant apple?"

"That's right!," She responded. "I hear talk that y'all are famous for having a big apple somewhere round these parts." It took Jon a moment but he finally understood what she meant.

"I uh- I hate to break it to you AJ but New York is called 'The Big Apple,'" He said, sounding sorry for her. Though in actuality he found this to be quite rich. "We don't actually have any giant apples...really anywhere."

This sudden news came to a big let down for Applejack as displayed by her ears drooping down. She began to look sad then annoyed.

"What! But I- I mean who...who in there right mind would name a darn city after an apple when they aint even got any?!" Applejack said now standing on all four hoofs.

"Well every city in America has little quirks like that I suppose," Jon said trying to make her feel better. "I mean look at...uh, San Francisco over on the west coast. I mean they have the Golden Gate."

"Are you tellin' me that there's a city out there that has a gate made entirely out of gold!?" Applejack said as she sat back down, momentarily mesmerized by what she just heard.

"Well no you see that's...that's just a clever name," He pointed out. "'Golden Gate' is actually a big red bridge." Applejack was now more confused than ever. She gave Jon a perplex look and continued on her mini rant.

"What! I don't even...see now this is why I don't like you city folk," Applejack said, looking like she was just betrayed. "Y'all are just too darn confusin'!"

"Are you still thinking about staying here for a bit?" Jon asked sincerely. "Because I can get one of the boys in the back to carry your stuff."

"Hmmm? Weeell maybe I will stay for spell," She said, which earned her an audience member or two yelling out in excitement. "I mean I can still go to those fancy stores that sell only apples. Maybe even compare some of them with mine." This time Jon knew exactly what she meant but nonetheless had to correct her.

"Yeeaaah...I'm pretty sure you're thinking of 'Apple stores,'" He said. "They don't actually sell apples. They mostly just sell computers and cellphones." Applejack was about to say something but instead threw her hooves up in the air and fell back in her chair in a gesture that indicated that she had given up.

Jon tried not to laugh at the obvious frustration of his guest but the audience held nothing back she they laughed an applauded at the orange Earthpony.

"You've obviuosly been given some...some false information here," Jon said with a chuckle. "I mean 'Big Apple,' 'Apple Store,' who in there- who told you about these things?"

"I heard about all these from..." She paused, taking a second to try and remember, which caused her to facehoof herself in frustration. "...from Derpy." The audience began to laugh and cheer with Jon joining them this time.

"Well...well there's your problem right there!" Jon said, still in a state of laughter.

"Yeah she...she told me about these things when she came back home after being interviewed by you." She said, now avoiding eye contact out of embarrassment.

"...You're not staying here after the show, are you?" Jon asked.

"No...no I'm not." Applejack replied, downing the entire mug of water with a sigh.

"City life just confuses me," She finally said, looking behind her at the new backdrop. "Now that's where I belong...I can't help it, I'm a country gal through and through." Looking over the backdrop even more she spots a figure adjacent to the farm. It was a man which by all accounts looked to be a farmer. He had no shirt on, a pitch fork over his shoulder, and he was standing atop a hill wiping the sweat from his brow.

"Looky here," she said, pointing at the man. "Now that's a feller I can really sit down and have a cider a with. Who is he?"

"That? That would be Johnny Appleseed " Jon said, leaning back in his chair. "He's famous for introducing apple trees to many parts of America when it first got founded."

"Hooowy! Now that's a real man!" Applejack exclaimed, almost looking as if she was swooning. "...Uh, no offense Jon." He was about to respond with a joke of his own but the timing would have been off since we got cut off by the laughs of the crowd. So instead he decided to carry on the interview with an easy question.

"You really do love your life back at the farm don't you?"

"Sure do! Sweet Apple Acres is the place to be!" She replied with delight. "Farm livin' is the life for me; land spreadin' out so far and wide. Keep Manehattan, just give me that countryside." Jon was impressed by her love of the simple life but nevertheless he couldn't help but disagree.

"I'm sorry AJ but it's all about New York. Am I right people!" He yelled and stood to the crowd, who responded by standing and cheering." After they stopped Jon sat back down to meet his guest who was pretending to ignore them.

"So about Sweet Apple Acres...what would you say is your primary occupation on that farm?" Jon inquired. "What in a nutshell is it that you do?"

"Well Jon we all do great deal of things back home, everypony pitches in to do their fair share," she responded modestly. "As for me though, I do most of bucking."

Had Jon been drinking from his mug at that point he probably would have done a spit take.

"I'm s-sorry but wh- you...did you say 'bucking?'" Jon asked with increasing concern.

"Course I did!" Applejack said with pride. "Best Apple bucker in all of Ponyville, thank you very much!" Jon took a second to respond both for the audience to stop laughing for himself to understand what she meant.

"OH! 'bucking!'" Jon said, now understanding. "You...y-you kick things."

"Not just anything," She replied. "I buck tree's so I can get their apples."

Jon had always considered himself to be a standing professional in the field of comedy, especially when it came to the show. But in this case he felt some middle school humor was in order.

"Oh I see," he said trying not to laugh. "So if I'm hearing you correctly...you 'buck' for a living."

"That's one way of putting it, yes." She said with an innocent smile.

"So tell us, Applejack," Jon continued. "How old were you when you first started 'bucking?'"

"Why I reckon I've been bucking since I was just a little filly," She answered, unaware of the consequences of doing so. "Darn proud of it to!"

"How...how often do you 'buck?'" He asked, loving every moment of this.

"Usually depends," She answered honestly. "But on average I'd say at least once a day."

"Wow that's...certainly a lot of 'bucking' you do there." He said holding back an urge to laugh.

"I suppose it is but it's all part of the Job." she responded. "It's a lot of hard work but it also be real fun!"

"Oh really?" He said with a smile. "Please...do tell."

"Well sometimes I like to see how fast I can buck," She said still unaware of anything that was going on. "And other times I like to try different positions." Jon almost bursted out in laughter."

"I-I'm sorry," Jon said with a smile. "But did you say 'positions?'"

"Well of course," Applejack replied. "Sometimes I position myself either closer or further from the tree to see which is best."

"Of course, of course. What was I thinking?" Jon said. "Now...obviously you 'buck' quite a lot so tell me...do you ever wear protection when you...when you 'buck?'"

"Protection? You mean like a helmet or knee pads?" She asked.

"Yes Applejack...like a helmet or knee pads" Jon responded with a nod.

"Uh, no can't say I do." She said, sounding confused. "I don't think I'd like wearin' protection." Jon was finding it harder and harder to not laugh.

"So uh...Applejack." Jon said, motioning to the camera and audience. "What advice would a- would you give for anyone out there who is an inspiring young... lets say 'Bucking enthusiast?'"

"Well for starters what anypony needs to know is size does matter!" She said. It would be a good fifteen seconds before Jon commented on that for he was to busy laughing with the audience, much to Applejack's confusion.

"What- what exactly do you mean by that, dearest Applejack" Jon asked, making a mental note to invite her on the show again in the future.

"Well Jon I'll tell you, sometimes the size of an apple harvest is just too big for one pony to handle by herself," she answered. "Sometimes you need help."

"Oh? So do you ever 'buck' with anyone else?" He asked. "Like, oh I don't know a friend of yours?"

"Weeell I usually buck by myself," she answered. "But if I ever need help I can always rely on mah friends to help me. Like my good friend Rainbow Dash. She may not be as good as me but she really knows what she's doing."

"Applejack..." Jon said. "...you are one bad motherbucker!" The audience seemed to agree as they cheered her on and chanted her name which caused her to blush slightly.

"Uh thanks," She said. "I think."

"So aside from manual labor you help run the farm in other ways, am I right?" Jon asked.

"I reckon so," She answered. "Granny smith don't leave the house much, and Bic Macintosh aint too keen on the business side of things, so I take it upon myself to go the extra mile when it comes to strikin' up deals and such."

"So having said that...would you say you're also a 'business woman?"' Jon asked in more ways than one.

"Well I don't know about all that!" Applejack said with a laugh. "Now my friend Rarity...she's a business woman. And...I love her and all but we couldn't be any more different! Now there's a pony who would like here in the city." Jon made a quick mental note of that and continued.

"You know I gotta say Applejack, I've noticed a few things about you over the course of out interview."

"Oh, and what might those be?" Applejack said, raising an eyebrow.

"Well for one," he said, raising his hand in the air to count off finger by finger. "'Applejack,' 'Applebloom,' 'Sweet Apple Acres,' you buck 'Apples.' I'm sensing a pattern here."

"Well what can I say," She responded, with a playful shrug. "Its a real big part of my life."

"Also," Jon continued. "And I sincerely hope you don't mind me saying, you don't seem to have any wings or horns. This is a first for me. "Jon somewhat regretted asking such a potentially offensive question, but to his credit it was understandable for someone who didn't fully understand pony culture.

"No need to fret Jon," She replied, holding her head up high. "You see its like this. In Equestria there are three kinds of Pony folk: Pegasus, Unicorn, and as for me? Well I'm an Earthpony."

"An Earthpony huh," Jon said, looking intrigued. "So...no horns or wings?"

"Nope, but what we lack in them fancy doohickies we make up for in power." She said slamming a hoof on the table.

"Yeah I know!" Jon said, rubbing his still bruised stomach.

"But don't get me wrong!" She continued. "I love everypony just the same. Matter o' fact my five best friends in the whole entire world are a mixture of all three."

"That's right," he said, "You and your best friends are part of a group called 'The Elements of Harmony'. What do you guys do? Because from what I can gather it almost sounds like you guys are gods."

"Hey now Jon watch what ya say!" Applejack exclaimed, motioning for him to calm down. "We aint nothing big like that. We're just six regular ponies trying to keep the peace is all. See whenever anypony out there tries to start something we're there to set things back on the straight and narrow!"

"Well then how do you go about doing that?" Jon continued. "I mean what is the Elements of Harmony and who- how do you guys utilize it to benefit others." Applejack looked upwards and gave a peaceful sigh.

"You know Jon...sometimes I don't quite understand it myself." She said, looking back at Jon. "The best I can come up with right now is that without these elements our world would fall into chaos." For a moment the entire set fell silent.

"But if you want some in dept details on the subject I'm afraid a simple country gal like me ain't gonna be much help." She said. "Now, if you ever have somepony by the name of Twilight Sparkle on your fancy pants show I recommend askin' her. Trust me when I say she'll talk your ear off with all the things she gots to say."

"Really," Jon continued. "You're just not gonna tell me yourself."

"Sorry Jon, but I guess you can say...I'm passing the buck!" As the crowd laughed Jon was made aware of the time and proceeded as such.

"Well Applejack it has been an absolute delight to have you on the show on this very special episode," Jon said shaking her hoof. "Listen if you have time would you mind staying for a few more minutes and we'll throw the rest up on the web."

"Anything for you Jonny!" She said.

"Thanks again for being here today, you were fantastic, and we must have you back sometime." Jon said now turning to the audience. "Applejack everyone! We'll be right back!"

The audience stood up cheering and applauding as the camera panned away from Jon whispering something into Applejack's ear. The last image of the two is the sight of Applejack challenging Jon to an arm wrestle, only for Jon to back down as the program fades to its final commercial.

Episode 10 [Vinyl Scratch]: Please welcome to the show Vinyl Scratch

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Vinyl Scratch (DJ Pon3)
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

The day of Jon's interview with Vinyl Scratch had arrived and already he was in a state of uncertainty. Usually whenever Jon had Celestia send him a guest it was early that morning so they could prepare him or her for their segment.

Usually the preparation consisted of: putting on makeup, a quick briefing of what to expect, and attaching a microphone on them (which in itself was a challenge as they usually didn't wear clothes. The standard method up until this point was to have it attached to their left ear). But one advantage of having a guest show up early was that Jon got the opportunity to have a quick exchange with them just so he could get an idea of what he was getting into.

However Vinyl never showed up that morning and for the first two thirds of the show Jon was left in the dark about if she would arrive. Even though Celestia guaranteed her arrival Jon was ready to inform the audience that there would be no interview. But at the last second during the next to last commercial his personal assistant Selina Jenson informed him that Vinyl had arrived.

As the Daily Show returned from its last commercial break the camera made it's way down in a circular motion to give the audience at home a quick glimpse of those in attendance. All of who were in a frenzied state of cheering. Soon afterwards it paned to the center and quickly changed perspectives to another camera that zoomed in on Jon Stewart who was pretending to read his notes at arm length as if he was having a hard time focusing his eyes. Eventually he gave up and addressed his fans.

"Welcome back to the Daily Show my guest tonight!" Jon said as he paused to point at particularly rambunctious fan in the studio. "She is musician of Ponyville as well as the close friend of former guest Octavia. Please welcome to the show Vinyl Scratch!"

The crowd once again began to applaud and cheer while Jon got up to meet his tardy guest of the night. Vinyl hadn't even stepped on stage yet and already Jon noticed something was off. The music that usually accompanied the guest had been swapped in favor of another song which Jon might've liked had he'd been 30 years younger. He had no idea what it was but he could only describe it as "Club music."

He had no idea of knowing till much later but his guest had bribed a stagehand to but in a track of one of her songs. Jon's confusion only escalated when his guest arrived on stage. She wasn't what he was expecting.

Standing to their feet, the crowd welcomed Vinyl who finally arrived on the scene. Jon noted that she carried with her some telltale signs of being a pony musician. She was a Unicorn and her cutie mark was a simple music note, tough that was the only thing "simple" about her.

Her coat was egg white which only caused the rest of her stand out by comparison. Both her tail and mane were streaks of Neon Blue and Cyan blue almost as if she had highlights. But was probably the most prominent feature of all was her glasses which were very large, oval shaped, and were tinted dark purple. She looked like she belonged in a rave rather than Jon's studio.

In an attempt to act professional Jon approached his guest who was now in the center of the stage blowing kisses and pumping her hooves in the air. He extended his hand to shake her hoof but all he got was Vinyl slapping his hand violently in a gesture that suggested that she just gave him an enthusiastic "High five."

Jon stood there staring at his hand while Vinyl made her way to her chair. Before Jon could return to his seat a stagehand ran past him, heading straight for Vinyl. Jon watched in confusion as his employee quickly placed something in front of her then return backstage. The crowd was in a mixture of cheering and laughing while Jon slowly made his way back to his desk as he rubbed his hand. Upon sitting down he could now clearly see what it was that the stagehand had given Vinyl...it was some kind of energy drink.

He didn't know much about Pony etiquette but even Jon could tell that out of all the characteristics that Vinyl was comprised of "pristine" wasn't one of them. The way she sat in her chair wasn't very lady-like as she had her legs spread open and was slouching. Her hair was messy and her shades looked like they'd never been cleaned. To Jon she looked like the kind of person who never made her own bed.

Jon didn't wait for the audience to calm down and quickly began the interview.

"Wait...y-you're Octavia's roommate?" Jon asked.

"Hell yeah I am!" Vinyl answered. Leaning back she placed her hind legs on the desk with a thud, almost knocking over her 'daily show' mug of water in the process.

"Oh well...It's--welcome to the show Vinyl, It's great to have you here!" Jon said, trying to regain his composure. "I'll be honest you uh...you gave me quite a scare this morning when you didn't show up."

"Yeah sorry bout that Jon Johnny-baby." She said. "But hey! I made it didn't I?"

"For those of you who don't know Vinyl was late coming in today." He said turning to the audience. "I was this close to telling you guys that there would be no interview."

The crowd collectively gasped which momentarily distracted Jon.

"I...I hope you have a good reason for this, young lady!" Jon said in a comically authoritative voice, sitting up to look down on her.

"Uuuuh...does 'I slept in late' count as a good reason?" Vinyl asked. "Ya see I was at this killer party last night and I got home kinda late."

"Wait...the reason you almost didn't show up is because you slept in!?" Jon asked with astonishment.

"Hey calm down old timer...like I said I was at a party." She responded. "Ah man you shoulda been there! The place didn't die down till like four in the morning. I was throwing down some sick beats like you wouldn't believe!"

To demonstrate what she meant Vinyl put one hoof over her ear and the over hoof on the table making up and downwards motions. Jon watched and to his surprise knew what this meant.

"Wai--wait just a minute here." Jon said as she slowly shook his head. "Are...Vinyl, are you a 'disc jockey?'"

Before answering Jon's question, Vinyl threw her hooves to the side to strike a quick pose.

"Click click click click click click click click click click! JACKPOT! Ya got it!" Vinyl announced. "DJ Pon3 at your service!"

"DJ Pon3?" Jon asked.

"Yeah that's my stage name." She answered. "Only a few ponies can get away with calling me by my real name and live to tell about it...but you're cool, so I'll let you slide...even if you are totally old."

"Wow you're a...you're a DJ." Jon continued. "And you're friends with Octavia."

"Right again Johnny-baby!" She said. "She's the best roomie I've ever had."

"You'll forgive me for saying this but I was under the impression that you were...in the same field as Octavia." Jon said as he scratched his head. "I mean when I heard she lived with another musician I assumed it was someone who was also a classical artist."

"Pffft yeah right!" Vinyl said. "Octy may be into all that wimpy classical crap but not me. I can't get outa bed in the morning without my daily dose of wubs...Oh wait hold up gramps I wanna down this before it gets warm."

Before Jon could say anything Vinyl grabbed her can of energy drink with both hooves and used her horn make an opening. She didn't use her magic to pop open her drink but instead punctured the bottom of the can with her horn and quickly began to drink it's contests without stopping for breath.

The crowd watched and began to cheer loudly, with some audiences members chanting "CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG." After a few seconds of gulping Vinyl had completely finished her drink, getting some of it on herself in the process. Jon was about to say something when she belched loud enough that it caused some audio feedback from her mic.

"AHHHHH, that's the stuff!" She said as he slammed the now empty can against her forehead and tossing it behind her.

The crowd once again began to cheer at the streak haired Unicorn's antics while Jon just stared at his guest with his hands neatly folded in front of him.

"...Now are you SURE...that you are in fact Octavia's roommate?" Jon asked once again.

"Sure I'm sure!" Vinyl said, her level of intensity still the same. "But you know we're more than just...roomies."

"Ah that's right you two are also friends." He retorted as he made hand gestures. "You guys...went to school together and have been friends for many many years."

"Well...yeah that's true we're good friends." She said. "But when I say we're good friends I mean were reeeaaaally good friends...if you know what I mean." Vinyl leaned forward and peered over her glasses to give Jon a friendly wink.

The crowd began to whisper amongst themselves while Jon just raised his eyebrow at his guest to give the impression that he was confused. In truth this was just an old interviewer’s trick. If you don't say anything your guest would have to. It was instinctual to want to break the silence.

"...I mean I'm banging her." Vinyl added bluntly.

Had Jon been drinking from his mug he would have probably done a spit take but in this case he just swiveled slightly in his chair and began to laugh hysterically as the audience did the same.

"Oh wow," Jon said after waiting for the audience to settle down. "I had no idea you two were...well, were together."

"Yeah she likes to keep the fact that we're a couple on the down low." Vinyl said with a powerful grin. "Kinda pointless though. Everypony in town knows I'm doing her on the side...and on her front and sometimes, when she's really feeling frisky...from behind. OH WHAT UP?!"

Hardly able to contain herself Vinyl threw her hoof up in the air and towards Jon's face. At first Jon didn't know what she was doing but then it dawned on him that even without fingers it would seem ponies still gave "high fives". He continued to stare till he eventually caved in and slapped his hand against her hoof, which greatly pleased both her and the audience.

"My you're...very open about your relationship with Octavia." Jon said as he tapped his pen against his desk. "It seems uh, now obviously you know more about her than I do, but it seems...at least to me...that this is the kind of thing she'd want to keep private. Aren't you worried she'll be mad at you for talking so, so...so openly about this?"

"Worried? Are you kidding I'm hoping she'll be mad at me! The angry make up sex we have after a fight is...Ah. Maze. Ing!" Vinyl said and she flailed her hooves in the air. "Trust me when I say it’s worth it to tick her off every now and again."

"Well uh...well here's hoping she doesn't get too mad at you." Jon said as he lifted his mug in the air. "I mean we wouldn't want you to get into some serious trouble."

"Don't get your panties all up in a bunch Jon, I'm always on top of things," She said as a grin slowly revealed itself on her face. "Aaaand speaking of 'always being on top' me and Octy usually--"

"OK! Let's try and keep things PG-13 here!" Jon interrupted as he adjusted his tie. "SO HEY, we uh, we all know that Octavia has been on this program before...so th- did she at any point give you any uh, advice or pointers to help you out today."

"Ugh are you kidding!? This is Octy we're talking about here." VInyl said with a sigh. "She's always trying to tell me what to do!"

Sitting up in her chair Vinyl posed herself like how one would expect a cellist would position themselves when performing. Though in her case she was doing to so mock Octavia.

"'Vinyl pick up your stuff,' 'Vinyl turn down that music I'm trying to read,' 'Vinyl sit up straight,' 'Vinyl take a bath you smell bad.'" She said mimicking Octavia voice with a thick layer of nagging. "I swear my own mom was less of pain in the ass."

"No, no I mean did she give you and advice about being on the show?" Jon said, taking the pen out of his mouth "I can only assume this if your first time on television."

"Yeah she did, she told me about how I should present myself to the public...for some reason she was super nervous about me being on TV. But mostly she wanted to make sure I looked nice for the cameras." Vinyl said as she rolled her eyes. "Like even though I was already running late she wanted to brush my hair, and give pointers to make sure I didn't do anything to embarrass myself...like I need help with that."

Almost as if she was doing it on purpose she leaned back in her chair and began to pick the inside of her ear, flinging to the ground any matter she found.

"What else did she tell you?" Jon asked as he placed both his hands under his cheeks and his elbows on the desk. "Did she say anything about me?"

"HA! Well actually now that you mention she did tell me something about the show." Vinyl continued. "She told me that you guys can't say bad words on TV or something like that...is it true?"

Upon hearing this, the crowd began to laugh while Jon had a look of worry as if he was about to open Pandora's Box.

"...So she didn't say anything about me?" Jon asked. This made Vinyl laugh along with the audience. He still had a bad feeling about where she was going with this line of question. This was a feeble attempt to stall for time.

"No uh, but yes...on TV we can't say certain words." Jon finally answered as he scratched the side of his face. "In fact uh...one of my all time idols of comedy, George Carlin, had a monologue where he made comical deconstructions on that rule. He called it the 'Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television.'"

"Well I don't who this George dude is but Octy gave me way more than just seven." Vinyl said as she pulled out a piece of paper. "See? Back when she was on the show some human told her that there are some things she shouldn't say."

For just a brief second Vinyl flashed Jon the list of words long enough for him to agree that those were indeed words one shouldn't say.

"Out of those words there are some you could get away with saying on this network," Jon answered cautiously. "But as for the rest, yeah you can't."

"Oh really?" Vinyl said. "...I bet Octy would get real mad if I did huh?"

Half of the crowd at this point were on the edge of their seats while the other half were coaxing her on.

"Her, the FCC, and my producers, yes." Jon said.

Looking back at her list and then at Jon, Vinyl slowly started to smile and soon she swiveled in her chair to look dead straight into the camera closets to her.

"Soooooo you're saying I can't say..." She said as she took a deep breath. "Fuck, bitch, damn, shit, ass, cunt, pussy, tits, piss, or cocksucker?"

There was no way Jon could answer her "question" immediately, the roar of the crowd's cheering and applauding made it impossible for anyone to hear anything. That and Jon himself couldn't help but join them.

While this was happening Vinyl amused herself in the mean time by taking the list of swear words she had pulled out previously and folded it in strategic places to create a paper airplane which she promptly threw into the audience.

"And that was just the first page." Vinyl said, facing Jon again. "I got about three more I haven't used yet...this next one is called 'racial slurs' and--"

"Vinyl...Vinyl I'm only going to say this once!" Jon interrupted, yelling over the audience with a large smile on his face. "...You watch your fucking language, goddammit!"

This time the tables had turned for now Jon who was the only one in the room not laughing. Vinyl laughed so hard she almost fell out of her seat.

"Nice one Johnny-baby!" She said. "But I don't get it...I was told I wouldn't be able to say those words but I did anyway."

"Well I guess...theoretically you can say them," Jon responded. "It's just even if you do they'll just get censored anyway."

"Censored?" Vinyl asked as she looked at Jon over her tinted glasses.

"Yes, for those watching at home some of those words you said got 'bleeped.'" Jon answered. Seeing the look of confusion on her face Jon turned to the side to momentarily address those working behind the scenes.

"Chuck, could we please get an example over here? Thanks." He yelled out. A good three seconds passed before the sound a loud high pitched note filled the silent room. Everyone knew what to expect but Vinyl who was slightly surprised.

"Oooooh so the things I said just got replaced by that weird noise, huh?" Vinyl said with great interest. "...and does it every single time?"

"For the really bad words yes." Jon answered.

Vinyl didn't say anything she just rubbed her chin with her hoof and began to think. This worried Jon greatly because within the short amount of time he's known her he'd learned that her ideas carried with them some very serious repercussions.

"Ok, ok, ok, but how bout this?" She asked. "Let's say I were to say 'Fuck fuck fuck' what would it sounds like for those watching on the TV?"

"...It would just be the sound of that bleep noise three times in a row." Jon answered as he rubbed his hand over his smiling face.

"So...if I were to swear in rhythm...that sound would also be in rhythm." Vinyl thought out loud.

"...Where are you going with this?" Jon asked as he slowly scooted backwards in his seat. Vinyl didn't answer but instead just continued to think to herself as the audience laughed slightly. Suddenly and without warning she spun in her seat to face the camera once again.

"Fuck fuck-fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck...fuck fuck-fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck," Vinyl said gratuitously. "Fuck fuck-fuck...fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuck. Fuck fuck-fuck fuck fuuuuuuck...fuck fuck-fuck fuck-fuck fuck-fuck fuuuck fuck fuck-fuck fuuuuck..."

Vinyl went on to do this for the next couple seconds while the audience laughed and Jon pretended to be a musical conductor by using his pen to direct the vulgar Unicorn.

For those in attendance all that was heard was the bad word being said over and over again. But those who would soon be watching this in the comfort of their own home the sound of the censuring high note was played, following the rhythm of the song that she was trying to convey. But that just for those listening in Jon's world; for those in Equestria all they heard was the phrase "buy some apples" being spammed constantly.

After her one-man show came to an end the crowd stood and began to give a rounding applause to Vinyl, who was now standing as well...so she could take bow.

"Ha! Even without my gear I can still lay down a sick beat!" She yelled over the crowd as she thrust her hips forward. "Suck it bitches!"

"For...for any complaints regarding what you've just witnessed please direct your letters to Princess Celestia of Canterlot." Jon said as he comically pulled on his collar to let out some steam. "...Vinyl can I ask you something?"

"Sure thing Jon." She said as she picked her nose without shame.

"...Do you kiss your mother with that mouth!" Jon asked with fake anger.

"You got it all wrong Johnny-baby." Vinyl said with a cocky grin on her face. "I kiss your mother with this mouth! BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!"

Jon tried to sport a look of seriousness but it was hard while at the same time holding back laughter like a dam trying to hold back a raging flood. Instead he got up from his seat and slowly made his way around the desk to his guest where in one full motion he executed a non-lethal chock hold from behind. Something which Vinyl found endlessly amusing as evident by her laughing and flailing excitedly.

Jon returned to his desk while Vinyl adjusted her glasses which almost fell off during Jon's attack.

"Not the first time I've been chocked from behind." Vinyl said as she rubbed her throat.

"You know I'm starting to see why Octavia was nervous about you being on TV." Jon said. "And...this is just me...but uh, maybe you should have taken some of her advice."

"Hey come on, what's the big deal!?" Vinyl asked. "I mean look who's talking. You may look professional and whatever but I've seen your show before...you aint no saint!"

"Hey now, you leave the fact that I'm Jewish out of this!" Jon responded by slamming his fist. Before speaking he made sure to do his best to imitation of an aristocrat's voice. "And I'll have you know that we here...at the Daily Show are revered far and wide for our elegance and courtliness! This show is the embodiment...of professionalism!" Jon finished his statement by putting one hand across his chest and another in the air to punctuate the silliness of his skit.

Before Vinyl could respond however a flash of light exploded in front of Jon's face, momentarily blinding him and a few audience members who were in the front row (though not Vinyl cause of her glasses). When Jon looked back at his desk he saw a stack of envelopes, each one addressed to him. Feeling embarrassed Jon very slowly used his hand to brush the heap of letters off the side of his desk while the audience and his guest laughed at him. He had forgotten to tell Spike to not send him any fan mail during show hours.

"Ignore that." Jon demanded, while Vinyl threw herself back in her chair, flailing her legs as she laughed hectically. "SO you're a DJ! What's that like!?"

It would be a few seconds before she responded.

"Well Jon it's great! You would not believe the RUSH you get when you're up on stage and you crank the bass juuuuuuust right!" She answered by punching the air. "I'm telling ya it's the best job ever."

"Do...uh do you have any upcoming tours or concerts?" Jon asked. "Are-- Is there something that your fans are looking forward to?"

"Hell yeah I do! I'm going to be playing at Applejack's annual barnyard hoedown this Sunday! It's sure to be fucking awesome!" Vinyl announced with pride. "I just hope I make it out ok...Whenever I do a show I always get a whole conga line of groupies wanting a piece of THIS!...But don't worry Octy, you're still my number one, babe!" Vinyl took a second to turn and blow a kiss to the cameras.

"You know it still boggles my mind that you two are together." Jon said. "I mean the differences are like night and day...if uh, If you don't mind me asking; what do you see in her?"

The question caused Vinyl to tilt her head in confusion.

"Huh...usually it's the other way around." She responded.

"Excuse me?" Jon asked. "What uh, what do you mean?"

"Well whenever somepony is all like 'what do you see in her' it's usually some snobby tool asking Octy why she's friends with me." She answered.

"Well...wh-why is she friends with you?" Jon asked. "I've heard this story before but I'd like to hear your version if that's ok."

"...Alright Johnny-baby! Sit back and listen up!" Vinyl said as she cracked her hooves. "The thing about my Octy that you need to know is that she may seem like a serious ice queen but on the inside she's a huuuuuuuge softy."

The audience laughed as Jon pretended to Jot down in his notes.

"We met years ago at some frilly private academy for musicians. She got in on a scholarship thingy and I got in cause my old man new a guy who worked there." She said. "Aaaanyway...she was the only Earthpony in our class and she got picked on crazy bad because of it."

"So far your story checks out with what Octavia told us." Jon said.

"Yeah but I'm guessing she didn't mention the part where nopony would be her friend." Vinyl retorted.

"Uh no...no she didn't." He said tactfully.

"Yeah so right away she was known as the wimpy kid that anypony could walk all over." She added.

"It seems that you might have-- well first what about your social standings?" Jon asked with outstretched hands. "What were you known as?"

"I was the coolest kid there, naturally! That is...until one day some colts were trying to start something with her again and I thought that enough was enough" She said and she began to punch her own hoof. "So I swooped in to save her ass...told them right there and then that if they laid a single hoof on her I would slug em!"

"Th-that was very heroic of you." Jon commented as he stroked his chin.

"Yeah I guess it was...it cost me my ticket back into the cool kid's circle but it was worth it." She said with a smile. "And ever since then the two of us were best friends forever...that is until graduation."

"Uh oh." Jon said, sensing something important. "What happened at graduation?" Vinyl didn't respond right away. It was difficult to tell but under her trendy glasses were a sad pair of eyes.

"Well...you see ever since we were little...all Octy wanted to do was be a fancy musician. She was studying to play that giant Violin of hers while I took classes on audio engineering." Vinyl added. "We both-- and by the way that's another thing I really liked about her. Even though she was in musical field that was fancier than mine she never looked down on me because of it...she saw more as more than just a ditzy audio mixer."

Jon wondered if it was true for Octavia as well. If she liked Vinyl because she saw her as more than just a stuffy cellist.

"Anyways...we both graduated and she got a accepted to go to some fancy shmancy college...but I stayed behind to go from club to club in different towns to try and get my name out as a DJ." Vinyl continued.

"That...that must have been hard on the two of you." He said. Jon couldn't tell but recalling this chapter in her life wasn't easy for Vinyl.

"Man you have no idea...the night before graduation Octy couldn't stop crying. You see the academy we both attended was in Filly Delphia but the school Octy got accepted in was all the way in Vanhoover so there was a good chance we would never see each other again...she didn't like that one bit" Vinyl continued. "She was so sad she suggested that she stay here with me but I talked her out of it...I told her that throwing away her dream because of me wouldn't be fair to anypony."

"But you guys...uh but you guys are together now." Jon interjected. "How did you two wind up back together?"

"Ah that's when the story really gets good. A few years had passed and I finally made it big as a DJ so I bought my own place in a town called Ponyville. But I needed help to pay for it so I put an ad in the papers for a roomie." She continued. "Then one day somepony came by to check out the place and surprise surprise it was Octy! Turns out she realized her dream and was playing for some orchestra in Canterlot. She needed a cheap place to live and as luck would have it she swung by my pad."

"Didn't she recognize your name in the ad?" Jon asked. "Or uh, for that matter hear about your success as a musician?"

"Nah she wouldn't have cause by then I was going by my stage name 'DJ Pon3." She answered as she tapped the side of her glasses.

"I'm guessing she was very pleased to see you again after all those years." Jon said as he adjusted himself in his chair.

"Oh you bet! She recognized me right away even after all those years. but like I said she's a total softy." Vinyl added. "The first thing she did was full on tackle me...crying like a big baby the entire time, too."

"It just sounds like she was really happy to see you again?" Jon commented as he clasped his hands. "I mean how did you feel after not seeing her for so long."

"Honestly...it felt really great." Vinyl said. "Like my heart was whole once more...The feeling of using my beats to get an entire audience to chant my name is nothing compared to the felling I get when I hear her voice." Had she'd not been wearing her glasses everyone watching would have seen a single tear drop hanging off the corner of her eye.

Jon took a second before continuing as he had to let the audience finish making an "D'awwwww" sound. Jon found it nice to have some a moment of honest sincerity out of Vinyl for once...even if it would only last for a second.

"Then later that night she moved in and we humped each other’s brains out." Vinyl added, causing the audience to laugh hysterically. "I mean we hadn't seen each other in so long so we went at it like rabbits! I know she seems like an ol' stick in the mud but damn she can be wild in the sack. Like she'll do this thing with her hooves where she--"

"OK, well would you look at that ,we're almost out of time!" Jon said trying his best to talk over those in attendance. "Now...before we go I just want to...thank you Vinyl."

"Thank me for what?" She asked as she looked at Jon from over her glasses with a raised eyebrow.

"Well when Octavia was here last time she informed me that the reason she came on was because you talked her into it." Jon answered.

"Oh that? Eh don't worry about it." Vinyl said, punching Jon on the arm. "I got your back!"

"Did-- Was if difficult?" Jon asked, as he leaned forward. "To get her to reconsider I mean?"

"At first it was; I has so happy to hear that she got invited but then she told me she refused. When I asked her why she didn't want to go on your show she said she didn't want to talk about it." Vinyl answered answered. "But later that night after asking for the hundredth time she finally opened up to me. She broke down crying and told me that she was scared...scared that if she went on you would make fun of her and it would be the academy all over again."

Jon knew he and his show had a reputation for joking around at others expense but he never meant for it to be a fear inducing factor.

"She was so frightened by the thought looking like a wimp on TV that she swore she wouldn't go on." Vinyl added. "But I told her that she had nothing to worry about cause she was the strongest pony I had ever met. And that she wouldn't be alone cause I would be cheering for her the entire time...also I told her that if you made her cry I would beat you up for her."

The crowd laughed at this while Jon stood up and stretched his arms out as if accepting her challenge to a fight

"You know the night of her interview I was supposed to play a gig but I cancelled it just so I could watch her." She added.

Jon sat back down and began to nod his head in agreement.

"You know...uh, for all your differences I must say you and Octavia are a lot alike." Jon said with a smile.

"What, you mean we're both hot pieces of ass!" Vinyl responded as she spanked her flank earning a holler from an audience member.

"No what I mean is you're both caring, loving individuals who want what's best for the other." He continued. "You both seem very passionate about many things in life...each other being one of them."

Pausing slightly at first she used her magic to take off her glasses for the first time in the interview to look at Jon with her big red eyes.

"Thanks Jon." She said as she smiled. "And you're right...I do love Octavia. She's the most important pony in my life...even if she is an up-tight crybaby."

Using her magic she quickly put her purple shades back on her face to hide her eyes.

"Speaking of Octy and things that are 'tight'..." Vinyl added with a devilish grin. "...I think my favorite part of her body is her--"

"ALRIGHT well I think that's all the time we have today!" Jon blurted as he threw a crumbled up piece of paper at her head. "Vinyl it was nice having you on the show."

"Thanks for having me Johnny-baby!" She yelled. "If you're ever in Ponyville come say 'wassup' I'll give ya backstage passes!"

"I'll keep that in mind." Jon said, as shook her hoof and used his pen to point at the cameras. "She's performing this Sunday at Applejack's barn; tickets on sale now I'm assuming...ok! DJ Pon3 everybody! We'll be right back."

The crowd stood and cheered for the guest who was seen exchanging words with Jon over the roar of the audience. As the camera began to hover away from the set Jon leaned in to whisper something in Vinyl's ear only to have her jump on the desk and wrap her hooves around his face. This time it was Vinyl who was giving Jon the choke hold. Soon the "Daily Show" logo flashed onto the screen followed by its disappearance in the wake of the next commercial break.

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Here it is your moment of zen

Episode 11 [Rainbow Dash]: Here it is your moment of zen

At around the same time the interview was occurring a commotion was taking place in the region where Jon had fallen in after being dropped by Rainbow Dash. The area in question was a verdant field just outside of Ponyville; with the occasional sign of life in the form of a shack or cobble stone road but it was mostly untouched.

It was such a rural patch of land that at any given moment it was deserted. At this hour however there was someone skulking around. A stranger who, while patrolling the area, had heard something so he went to investigate. He didn't know what was making the curious noise but whatever was making it was doing so in short regular intervals.

Even with the location being completely empty the stranger walked around trying his best to not be seen since it wasn't technically allowed for him to be there. After walking in another direction the stranger saw something shiny in one of the wet grass lands. He huddled down and slowly approached it, thinking it might be what he was looking for.

Getting close enough to where he could interact with it the stranger bent over and began to sniff it a few times; it had a scent that he never smelled before. Whatever the shiny trinket was it began to make the familiar beeping noise which caused the stealthy intruder to jump back in surprise.

The stranger approached it once more and with a flick of his hoof he turned it over. To his surprise what he saw was a device with picture on it; a picture of a group of humans...one of whom he recognized.

The stranger had found Jon Stewart's cell phone.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: Trolley ride for two

Being in the position that was Jon Stewart's wife meant that Tracey got to go to a lot of high end dwellings. She'd been to after parties and dinner socials in some of the most expensive outlets imaginable in the city...none of them were even as close to elegant as the Canterlot Castle.

Both Jon and Tracey assumed that Celestia would simply teleport them to the restaurant but as it turned out she used her magic to send them right in the middle of her throne room. She didn't want to pass up the opportunity to see Jon again since their first encounter, and indeed Tracey as well for the very first time.

Originally Celestia was hoping to escort them both personally to the city but as luck would have it she was called away on important business; just as well too since she didn't want to impose on them by acting as the third wheel. To further help them on their date night she set them up on a royal trolley ride that would eventually drop them off in Canterlot proper. They took a special trolley that was accessed from behind the castle to avoid being noticed.

In any other case It would be customary to have some royal guards on board with them but she felt it wasn't necessary since some we're already waiting for them down in the city. That and having burly guards hovering over them might've killed the moment.

"Wow." Tracey said.

"Is that a good 'wow' or a bad 'wow?'" Jon asked his wife who was busy enjoying the scenery. For miles she could see rolling green hills and the occasional mountain terrain. Below the trolley lied the Canterlot city and its many structures. She had positioned herself at the very edge of the moving container and had stuck her head out to get a better view while Jon stood in the center.

"It's...all so beautiful." She commented. "Not at all what I expected."

"What did you think this would be like?" Jon asked taking a seat nearby but not directly next to her.

"I don't know," she said. "I guess I sorta expected...decrepit buildings, dragons flying around and monsters running loose...but this...this just looks like...like..."

"Like something an 8-year-old girl might dream up?" He said.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed. "Thank god you never brought Maggie here; she'd never want to leave."

"Yeah well this place isn't all that great...for starters good luck finding an outlet or any forms of technology past the 1850's for that matter," he said, looking down at some of the buildings below him. "Also they seem to be very fond of the colors pink and purple...not that I know any better but I think these people need to find someone whose special talent is interior decorating."

"Cold." Tracey said.

"Oh, I didn't I was being that mean." Jon responded.

"No, I mean it's cold up here," she added. "If I knew we'd be spending so much time outside I would've brought a coat."

Jon looked back at his wife and noticed that she was shivering slightly and rubbing her hands against her arms. Immediately he sat next to her, took off his pea coat and draped it around her shoulders. He let his left arm hang around her to share some of his warmth as well as to try and get in close.

"Thanks," she said with a smile as she leaned back towards him. She turned her head again to look back outside at the horizon. "So...give me the grand tour."

"Alright...uh to our left we see the lovely Canterlot Castle, the dwelling place of Princess Celestia who is the leader of this world." Jon said, trying his best to remember all he knew about Equestria. He swung his hand over to the side to show his wife the cluster of clouds that was Cloudsdale which was spewing rainbows out of every orifice. "And to our right...we see a town that desperately needs a lesson in subtly."

Tracey laughed so hard she threw her head back, almost hitting Jon in the process. As redundant as it may sound she always found him funny; even when they first started dating. She was enjoying herself but mostly because she got to be alone with him.

"You know I expected this place to be different," she said. "I just didn't think it would be...this different."

"Don't worry," he assured her. "You get used to it."

"Oh really," she responded. "And what's your secret to dealing with all this?"

"Well if I told you then it wouldn't be a secret now would it?" He answered. Tracey lightly jabbed her husband in the stomach with her elbow then looked back outside.

"So...what's that town called?" She said pointing ahead of her.

"Oh that?" He said, squinting his eyes to get a better view in the dark. "That is the town of...Ponyville."

"Ponyville?" She laughed.

"I know right!" Jon said sharing a laugh with her.

"Have you ever been there?" She said. "To Ponyville I mean."

"Oh yes, yes, many times." He answered. "A lot of the guests I've had on the show live over there."

"And here in Canterlot?" She ventured further.

"The castle I've been to, yes," Jon said. "The city, no not really."

"And what about the rainbow city?" She asked pointing to direct his attention back over to Cloudsdale. "Ever been on business there?" Painful memories once again returned causing Jon to tense up, though it wasn't noticeable to Tracey.

"Uh, if it's all the same with you I'd rather not talk about work at the moment." He said trying to change the subject.

"Oh, yeah of course, what was I thinking?" She said sounding somewhat embarrassed. "Tonight let's just enjoy this time together away from...well everything." To emphasize her point she leaned in even closer to Jon. Their eyes met and all at once Jon felt like he was a kid again, taking some young girl out on a date to impress her. Feeling that the mood was right Jon leaned in to give his wife a kiss.

Feeling the same way Tracey did the same. Their lips almost touched when a bright light erupted from the other side of the Trolley momentarily blinding them both.

"GAH!" Jon yelped as rubbed his now eyes in futility. "What the hell!?"

The flash itself was not unlike what one would expect from a burst of magic so Jon looked around to see if someone had appeared. And since it was already dark out, the sudden exposure of light meant that their eyes struggled even harder to regain focus. Opening his eyes Jon could just barely make out the silhouette of a figure just outside of the trolley, before his vision was fully restored the figure in question disappeared.

"AH, son of a bitch!" He yelled. "What was that?!"

Both their visions eventually returned and there was no sign that anyone was in the trolley with them or that there had been at any point besides them. Jon gave a Tracey a confused look realizing that if he didn't know what was going on than neither would her.

"Must have been...uh, nothing...probably nothing?" Tracey said without confidence, her vision having mostly returned.

"Yeah that's what they say in the horror movies," he commented. "And then next thing you know BAM!"

Jon briefly got up to investigate before Tracey grabbed him by his hand and yanked him back down next to her.

"It's fine hon, don't worry about it," she said, still holding his hand. "Now then...where were we?"

This time it was Tracey who leaned in, obviously still in the mood. Jon obliged and inched his face closer to hers, ignoring what happened and trying to enjoy the moment. But again they were interrupted; not by anyone in particular but by the trolley which came to an abrupt halt. The stop was so sudden that Jon jolted forward, accidentally colliding his head into Tracey's. The mood was now officially broken.

The door to the trolley swung open and a booming voice got their attention.

"Esteemed guests!" An authoritative voice declared. "We have arrived in Canterlot."

With a sigh Jon helped his wife up and the two exited the enclosure. The first thing they saw wasn't whoever it was that greeted them but rather the city of bright lights just ahead of them. Centerlot at night was truly something to be seen; unlike Ponyville even at night it was till bustling with activity. It was the Equestrian city that never slept.

"Incredible." Tracey said. Her eyes were fixated on the massive city before them. To her it looked like all the best parts of New York had collided together in one brilliant metropolis. Even for a city boy like Jon who had seen it all, he found himself gawking at the wonder the Canterlot skyline.

"Ahem." the voice said to get their attention. Jon and Tracey looked down to see a pair of larger than average colts standing in their way; both of them unicorns. They were near identical with similar shades of white fur and matching gold armor.

"At the request of the Princess we will be acting as your royal escorts for the night." The one on the left said.

"Indeed." The other one added. "Our orders are to follow your demands and make sure you have a safe trip while in the city."

The two of them stared at their pony counterparts who in turn stared right back. Jon didn't exactly know how to proceed from here since up until now he'd never had royal guards act as his own personal tour guides; nor had he ever seen one from this world. Tracey on the other hand could hardly contain herself.

"Oh. My. Goodness!" She exclaimed. "Jon, honey look! Someone went and dressed these two ponies in adorable guard costumes! Ooooh aren't you two just the cutest little things ever!?"

Squatting down to match their level she began to scratch one under his chin. Both guards were noticeably uneasy by this kind of attention but neither of them spoke out against it. One reason for this was that they were instructed to do whatever they wanted without falter, and other reason being that the two humans were almost twice their size.

The sight of his wife making baby talk at two seemingly rugged guardsmen complete with spears and combat armor made him laugh to himself.

"Alright Trace I think...I think it's time we headed out now," Jon said trying to get his wife to stand back up. "You're making our royal friends here uncomfortable."

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry," She said. Reaching into her purse she grabbed a handful of trail mix she always kept in a baggie just in case. Extending her hand outward she presented it to them as a peace offering; they didn't accept it. Instead both of them turned around towards the city.

"If you are ready we will escort you to the restaurant." One of them said. Jon and Tracey nodded and the two began to follow them close behind.

Their present location was on the outskirts of the city, where trolleys docked and hardworking Earthponies congregated to work on the mechanics or transport cargo. Once they got into the heart of the city the mood changed, soon the couple were surrounded by similarly well-dressed ponies, mostly Unicorns, walking about and socializing. The transition between the two areas was so abrupt it was almost instantaneous.

The two guardsmen continued to escort with Jon and Tracey marveling at the scenery, occasionally catching a few glimpses of ponies doing the exact same about them. They got some looks of confusion and worry; for most this was their first time laying eyes on a human. Jon tried his best not to stand out but didn't take long for someone to make the identification.

"HEY!" A random citizen shouted. "THAT'S JON STEWART!"

Immediately a herd of ponies surrounded them, all wanting to say something. Celebrities were known to associate with each other within the walls of Canterlot but this was different. For the ponies of this town having a human celebrity in their presence was a once in a lifetime opportunity, none of them wanted to pass it up.

Both Jon and Tracey struggled to keep their balance as pony after pony fought to get their attention. The last time either of them were surrounded by this many small animals was when they took their kids to the petting zoo in Grand Central park. Before they could answer any of the dozens questions being tossed at them from all sides a large noise like an anvil falling down got everyone's attention. It was one of the guards slamming his heavy spear against the ground.

"CITIZENS!" He yelled. "We are here on an official assignment from the royal palace...if you do not wish to be cited I suggest you go about your business!" As commanded the multitude of pastel colored ponies fled in all direction; each of them pretending to be busy, but all eyes were still on Jon.

"Oh wow," Jon said. "Uh...thanks for the help..." Jon left his words floating in the hopes that the two guards would finish his sentence by revealing their names. However they simply walked forward on the way to the restaurant which wasn't yet in sight. In an attempt to get a conversation starter Jon tried to identify what their cutie marks were but their armor completely covered their flanks, making it impossible.

"So uh, how long have you two worked for the Princess?" Tracey asked to break the silence. Either they were purposely ignoring them or they were too focused on guiding the two tourists through the busy streets of the city; but for whatever reason they didn't answer back. As much as Jon appreciated Celestia wishing them safe passage through her backyard he couldn't but feel more like a prisoner than a guest of honor at this point.

"You guys sure are a talkative bunch, aren’t ya?” He jested. Again the two straight faced soldiers said nothing and continued doing what they were ordered to do.

As they continued to walk deeper and deeper into the city the citizens all around them kept to themselves but their gossiping was uncontrollable. Some of them even followed from far behind to see where they were going while other just gawked.

It seemed that the more they walked the taller the buildings became. Jon looked to his far left than his far right to get a good panoramic view of the city; he did the same again but this time he looked down then all the way up. The buildings were clean as was the streets which were large in seemingly endless. Jon could probably drop onto the floor and roll around and not even catch a speck of dirt on him.

Even for someone as famous as Jon this all felt very new. He wondered if his wife felt as uncomfortable as he did so to ease her potential suffering he reached out to her.

"So, you enjoying herself yet?" He asked Tracey as he places his arm around her waist.

"All things considering...yeah I am?" She answered with a smile. Before any of them could continue their conversation a bright light surrounded them, momentarily illuminating the entire area. It was the same flash of light as before in that it was so bright that it blinded them once again.

"UGH not again!" Jon grunted. "What is that!?" Before anyone could answer a voice from on high caught his attention.

"Great angle!" The voice shouted. "That one's going to be totally grasshoppa!"

When Jon's vision came back he looked above him to see what had caused the flash of light. It came from a Pegasus flying just above him with a camera around his neck.

Jon had never met him before but he could spot his kind a mile away. He was a paparazzi pony.

Episode 13 [Fancy Pants]: I have to do what now?

Even before sitting down Jon and Tracey were attracting a lot of attention from the many patrons of the 'Alimentaire Cheval.’ Their enormous size and the fact that they were of a different species meant they were turning a bunch of heads but now, in their new booth, they were literally the center of attention.

Since their arrival Jon's plans of having a dinner with Tracey had changed to a double date with Fancy Pants and his companion Fleur de Lis, and to his surprise he actually enjoyed their company.

"So...Fancy Pants." Jon said, secretly not actually calling him by his name. "What's the deal? Why did you want to dine with me and Tracey so bad?"

"Well isn't it obvious? Jon my good man you have been quite the talk of the town as of late," he said. "Anypony associated with you is only the highest caliber of pony, and when we heard about how you'd be coming in today…well, we just had to see if it was true."

"Huh, didn't think I was that famous ‘round these parts." Jon said. "I'm assuming I'm not the only reason you came here today though."

"Oh quite right Jon, quite right." He said. "In addition I get the chance to spend some time away from work and with my lovely partner over here."

"Funny you should mention that cause that's exactly why we came out today as well." Tracey said as she lovingly rubbed Jon's arm.

"Well you and I are not alone," Fancy Pants said. "This restaurant is an ideal local for couples to congregate and mingle."

Jon peaked from out of his booth to see if Fancy Pants was telling the truth, and indeed he was. Table after table Jon saw ponies making bedroom eyes at each other or leaning in close for comfort.

One such couple he saw was a pair of Unicorns near the front of the stage; where one was using it's magic to flirtatiously pop a piece of food in the other one's mouth. The male pony was light blue with a dark blue mane while the female pony was light grey and had streaks of purple and white in her hair. Jon thought they looked familiar but quickly dismissed it and returned to his double date which had gone on without him.

"So, Fleur de Lis?" Tracey ventured. "How long have you and Fancy Pants been together?"

She didn't answer but instead leaned her entire body against Fancy Pants staring in any direction but at the humans.

"Oh we've been together for quite some time now. Almost ten years in fact." Fancy Pants answered for her as if nothing was wrong. "It's amusing how after all this time she still detests my long hours at work but, in the end we're very happy with each other...isn't that right, my love?"

Again she didn't answer but this time she showed some courtesy by slowly swinging her long slender neck to face Jon and Tracey giving them a simple nod of the head as an answer.

After an embarrassed cough Jon tried to keep the flow of conversation going.

"Anyway, it seems we're not so different...you and I." Jon said before taking a sip of his wine.

"I'm not too fond my husband's work schedule either." Tracey confessed for clarification. "So I know how you feel, dear."

"Yeah, that’s why we're here today." Jon added. "The only reason I even thought about coming to Equestria was to spend some time with Tracey."

"Ah yes of course," Fancy Pants said. "But that's not the only reason now is it, kind sir?" Jon didn't know what he was implying. He would have asked him to clarify but then the sound of the small orchestra on stage coming to a halt grabbed everyone's attention.

In response the crowed gave an applause like what one might hear at a golf tournament. A majority of them did so by stomping their hooves against the floor. Octavia took the first bow followed by her colleagues then went right back to playing. As they did a group of ponies surrounded Jon's booth from all sides.

"Ah, excellent our meals have arrived." Fancy Pants said with glee. Jon turned to see four different ponies come up and place various plates of food in front of them.

"If you require anything else please do not hesitate to ask." One of them said before dashing off. At that moment Jon realized that as well as setting up their reservation and seating arrangements Celestia also took the liberty of picking out their food. A bit restrictive but Jon didn't want to cause a scene by complaining. Just as well too since their food was salad which Tracey enjoyed eating and would have probably had him order anyway.

Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis had ordered their food before Jon had even arrived at the restaurant which meant they all got to eat at the same time. He ordered the pasta while she was content with just water and a small helping of soup.

"This all looks so good," Tracey said. "So...so healthy looking."

"Well come on gang let's dig in," Jon said with much vigor. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse."

Jon's comment made everyone at the table, including Fleur de Lis, look at him with odd expressions.

"...What?" Jon asked before getting intercepted by Tracey.

"It's just a figure of speech!" She explained. "We don't...we don't actually...uh, eat horses."

After an uncomfortable silence Fancy Pants was the first to say something.

"Ahem...yes well I propose a toast." He said lifting his glass in the air. "To a great dinner and even better friends!

After that the two couples enjoyed their meal while going back and forth talking about themselves and their experiences. Everyone shared in the conversation, with the exception of Fleur de Lis, but it was a bit one sided with Fancy Pants asking a lot of questions in an attempt to pick the brains of the human couple.

Tracey told stories about her life as a veterinary technician which for Equestrians meant she'd be a doctor of sorts. Jon, at the request of Fancy Pants, talked about his life growing up in New Jersey, his time as a comedian in New York and his visits to Equestria.

"So...so you're telling me..." Fancy Pants said in between fits of laughter. "That after your photographer chum blinded the guards with a flash from his camera you two just left!?"

"More like we hauled ass," Jon said, nudging his wife with his shoulder. "I tell ya I don't remember the last time I ran that hard."

"My word Jonathan," Fancy Pants said. "If you don't mind me saying but it seems whenever you come visit our world you find yourself in a bit of a predicament."

"In some respects it's the same back home." Tracey said. "My husband can be a real trouble maker sometimes."

"Who me?" Jon asked innocently.

"Yes you!" Tracey said lightly pushing him.

"Oh I see gang up on the Jew," Jon said trying hard not to laugh. "Real classy Trace!"

“Well then…should I tell them about the time the local sheriff caught you doing…the thing you did from when we vacationed in Vermont that one year?” Tracey asked causing Jon to look away in embarrassment.

“My word it would seem your husband is quite the rapscallion.” Fancy Pants said in jest.

“Oh don’t act so innocent mister monocle.” Jon said. “I’m sure if I asked your gal she’d tell me a story or two about you.”

“Oh…I disagree; I’m what you would call quite boring…yes, yes I’m afraid I'm just a uninteresting stick in the mud.” Fancy Pants said. “Believe me when I say my life isn’t filled with the richness and excitement like yours. For me it's business as usual…isn’t that right dear.”

“Boarding School prank.” Fleur de Lis said, the mere fact she spoke surprised everyone at the table. Fancy Pants turned to face his marefriend with a shocked look on his face like she’d just given the password to his bank account. Seeing this, both Jon and Tracey locked on their target with matching smiles.

“What’s this about a boarding school prank?” Tracey asked.

“Yes…do enlighten us.” Jon added. Clearing his throat Fancy Pants adjusted himself in his seat and took a sip of his wine to avoid having to answer himself for a second.

“Yes well…I believe what Fleur de Lis means is…once when I was a young lad I got in trouble at boarding school.” He confessed. “I…was caught playing a prank on the school's dean.”

“Oh this I gotta hear.” Jon said as he leaned in with both elbows on the table. With a sigh of defeat Fancy Pants explained himself.

“Well…if you must know back when I attended boarding school there was this fraternity that I wanted to join.” He explained. “I wanted so badly to be a part of them since most ponies who joined their ranks went on to do great things in their life.”

“You? A frat boy?” Jon teased. “I can’t imagine.”

“Anyway…one of the conditions of my acceptance was that I had to play a prank on the dean of our school.” He continued. “It was during a three day weekend and on the final day I broke into his office and…well I replaced all his documentations with photocopies of my…ahem…of my…posterior, as it were.”

Tracey didn’t laugh out of respect, although she badly wanted to. Jon on the other hand laughed so hard it almost gave him a headache.

“So…s-s-so what happened!?” Jon asked, determined to hear the ending.

“Well my plan failed since halfway through the dean came in anyway and caught me in the act…I almost got expelled.” Fancy Pants said.

“Why was he in his office if the campus was closed?” Tracey asked.

“Ah that was my mistake.” Fancy Pants said. “As it turns out…it wasn’t a three day weekend…just a regular one.”

This time both Tracey and Jon laughed with Fleur de Lis looking playful and Fancy Pants red in the face.

“In the end I never did join their fraternity.” Fancy Pants said before sipping his wine. “Ah memories.”

“But hey…who needs em anyway right?” Jon said trying to make his friend feel better. “I mean you went on to do great things right? I mean…uh, what do you do?”

“Oh this and that.” Fancy Pants said. “I like to dabble in a variety of things…case in point I actually own this restaurant.”

“Wait I thought that Gustave fellow owned this place?” Tracey asked.

“Ah yes, indeed he does which makes us both co-owners if you want to technical.” Fancy Pants said.

Tracey was about press the issue further when the sound of the orchestra's music caught everyone’s attention once again. They were nearly done with their last piece as demonstrated by the music becoming louder and faster as time went on. Octavia in particular was trying her best to finish with a bang.

"Very talented isn't she?" Fancy Pants said.

"Yes, she is." Tracey agreed.

"A nice girl but sort of too high strung if you know what I mean" Jon commented. "Actually had her on my show once."

"Oh yes I know all about that," Fancy Pants said. "You've interviewed quite a few interesting characters in the past few months...I believe your latest one was with the bulky lad, Iron Will."

"Well, well, well." Jon said. "Sounds like someone's a fan."

"Oh I suppose I must confess, yes I am indeed a devoted follower of your program." He admitted. "Watched it prior to your introduction of the 'Equestrian Interviews.' No matter what project I'm working on I always find time to watch your program...which is why I wouldn't miss tonight for the world."

The two couples stopped talking just in time to see the orchestra lay down their final note. The music escalated to a satisfying climax leaving the guests of the restaurant cheering at a respectable volume.

"Simply marvelous!" Fancy Pants said, looking rather excited.

"Yeah, she still got it." Jon said as he remembered the last time he saw her perform. One by one each of the ponies on stage packed away their instruments and neatly exited the stage on either the left of right.

"Indeed she does." Fancy Pants added. "But now it's time for the main event...isn't that right Jon?"

"I...I beg your pardon?" Jon asked. Before he could get any response Gustave appeared from on high to address the table.

"Now zen monsieur Stewart the stage is cleared and ready to go," he said. "If you would be so kind as to follow me I will escort you to the backstage."

"I'm sorry what?" Jon asked. "Who-- w-wait what are you talking about?"

"Why monsieur we're...ready for you to go on stage." Gustave explained. "You are scheduled to do a, oh how you say...standup comédie for us."

"What!" Jon exclaimed

"Jon honey what's he talking about?" Tracey asked.

"There must be some kind of mistake...I haven't done stand up in years" Jon said now turning his attention to Fancy Pants. "This is some kind of joke right?"

"No, not at all old bean," He said. "The reason I, and a lot of ponies came tonight, was to watch you do a live performance."

Jon was confused he waited a few seconds to see if anyone would own up to this prank. Sadly everyone remained steadfast in their assumptions.

"This...this is crazy," Jon said. "I never agreed to do that!"

"Uh...but monsieur I was told by ze princess that you would," Gustave explained. "Celestia told me that in exchange for having you as a guest tonight we would get the chance to see you perform live for us...she said you had agreed."

"Jon...is this true?" Tracey asked. Jon took a moment to think it over. He never remembered ever saying he would do this. He was about to disagree again when a realization hit him like a falling piano.

"Oooooooh the special favor." Jon said slapping his face. "I told Celestia I'd do anything to get into a restaurant tonight...this must be what she meant."

Jon laughed at how Celestia tricked him into doing this while his wife tried desperately to explain on his behalf.

"Mr. Le Grande there seems to be some kind of miscommunication," she said. "My husband had no idea that you were expecting him to perform...I'm afraid he just can't right now he usually needs weeks of planning beforehand to do a routine."

"Oh I see, I am so sorry once again for the inconvenience," Gustave said. "I'll have to…tell everypony about the cancelled show."

"Oh dear that is a shame," Fancy Pants said who looked visibly saddened by this news. "And I was so looking forward to...'seeing you in action' I guess you could say."

Looking out at the many ponies still in the middle of dinner Jon thought about each and every one of them with disappointing faces. If Celestia was trying to pull another fast one on Jon this was a doozy.

"Now zen you just stay right here monsieur," Gustave said putting a claw on Jon's shoulder which brought him back from his deep thought. "I will take it upon myself to break ze news to zem."

Looking back Jon didn't know whether it was the alcohol in his system, the idea of disappointing his fans, or the thought of letting Celestia getting one up on him, but either way he made his move. Flexing his wings Gustave prepared himself to fly across the room and onto the stage when Jon placed a firm hand on his wing.

"Hold it." Jon said. "...I'll do it."

"Excusez moi?" Gustave said.

"I said I'll do it." Jon reiterated. "I'll do some standup...it won't be much but yeah I'll put on your show!"

"Jon!" Tracey exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"Just giving the fans what they want." Jon said, finishing off his last drop of wine.

"Wha...I mean...are you sure?" She asked. "I mean it's such short notice and you didn't even prepare."

"Baby don't worry I got this," Jon said. "If I can handle doing a show during a hurricane I think I can handle this."

"...You sure?" She asked again. Jon actually thought about it for a second.

"Absolutely." He answered. "Gustave...show me to the stage please."

"Oh how smashing!" Fancy Pants said, his excited expression accurately juxtaposing Fleur de Lis'. “I just know you’ll do an excellent job!”

Jon scooted out of his booth and onto the ground, he was about to make his was to the side when he quickly leaned back in to address his wife.

"Hey hon before I go." He said leaning across the table exposing his face to her. "How bout a kiss for good luck."

With a happy sigh Tracey leaned in and planted a kiss on Jon's lips and then straightened out his bow-tie.

"Go get him, babe." She said.

Gustave lead Jon to a sectioned off door on the opposite side of the room on their right. Jon entered by himself while Gustave flew on stage to address the crowd. He began to speak but from behind the door Jon couldn't hear what he was saying but he had no doubt it was some kind of introduction.

Usually backrooms in these kinds of restaurants were very low key with remnants of the working class scattered all about but Jon was surprised to see that this backroom was just as pleasant and fancy as the rest of the building.

He walked forward where the stage entrance awaited him. Along the way a few ponies passed him; they were members of the orchestra that just finished playing. Most of if not all of them we're packed up and ready to leave to their next performance or in some cases back home.

Each one of them passed him and as they did he noticed the very last one was Octavia who he hadn't seen in some time. He pondered whether or not he should say anything but in the end he decided on a greeting most deserving for someone like her.

"Octavia." He said with a nod.

"Jon." She said back. She continued to walk in the opposite direction before address Jon again. “Break a hoof.”

Without even a smile or a second glance she walked off too do her business. Jon laughed and soon found his way to the main entrance to the stage where Gustave was finishing off his introduction speech.

"And now," he said. "Without further ado it is my pleasure to present the guest of the evening...monsieur Jonathan Stewart!"

Episode 16 [Changeling]: Here we go again

“Sure is taking his sweet time.” Jon thought as he took another mint from his coat pocket and threw it up in the air to catch in his mouth.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of having this seemingly unknown artist on his show for an off the air tapping. Having a backup interview for emergencies had proven effective time and time again.

Even now since Jon had spent the majority of the weekend in Equestria, he didn’t have time to schedule an appearance for his show later on tonight. So while he did some preparatory work behind the scenes, like finding out who would come on the show for the following episodes, the audience would just watch a pre-recorded interview of him talking with a local writer... or so he thought.

If there was one thing that annoyed Jon the most upon his return was the non stop pampering from his colleagues and friends. When they heard about his brief run in with Chrysalis, they did their best to be as inoffensive and gentle as possible, Jon hated it. If he had a nickle for every time someone said the phrase “are you alright”, he wouldn’t need Celestia to give back the equipment he left behind, he could just buy new ones.

He would tell them that he was fine and that they had nothing to worry about, but in truth, he was still shaken up from the ordeal. Being attacked by a magic user was scary enough, but to go head to head with one that could change it’s appearance was a whole new layer of unsettling.

To this, Celestia did her part in trying to make Jon feel better. Firstly by assuring him that no one from Equestria was in his world and that, from here on out, anyone who wanted to go New York for an interview would have to do so through her (or with her permission) whereupon she’d do a thorough background check to make sure they were who they say they were.

This and all pity-brigade by his employees were par for the course for something like this so he could at least understand where they were coming from. So between the time he called Celestia to the time his guest arrived Jon tried to distract himself by filling out some paperwork and making some phone calls. And again was asked to not be disturbed by anyone for anything... but, there was one exception.

Knock knock knock

Jon looked up from his desk as he heard someone lightly banging on the door to his office. The way the person did it was slow in rhythm, but loud enough that Jon could hear it. He recognized it all too well.

“Come in Selina.” Jon announced. Carefully, the door opened making a loud creaking noise. Jon took this moment to get up from his seat and around his desk to the front where he would lean against it.

The door fully opened and, in the background, was intern after intern poking their heads to see the sight that was Selina walking in and being followed by an unfamiliar creature. For some at the office, the sight of a pony coming to see Jon before the show was now a regular occurrence, but it never lost it’s brevity as a spectacle.

The pony in question was a unicorn stallion of average height and length. His coat was a sickly grey color and his mane was a dark rusty orange hue. The most noticeable feature about him was a pair of large black headphones around his neck with the left and right earpieces a bright shade of yellow. Based on how messy his mane was (especially when compared with his tail) Jon could tell that his line of work must have him sliding it on and off constantly. This was proof enough for Jon that, yes he was a DJ and therefore the pony he had requested to see.

“Hello and welcome to “Daily Show Headquarters!” Jon announced as he walked up to his guest and shook his hoof. “And you must be DJ Pygmalion.”

Jon’s only previous interaction with a Disk Jockey from Equestria was when he interviewed Vinyl Scratch, and ever since then he’d had a preconceived notion on how they acted: Loud, obnoxious, and crude. This guy had shattered that idea good and proper.

Based on the letter provided by Octavia and Vinyl Jon had painted a picture in his mind of a hot blooded young up and comer who would do whatever it took to get to the top and cement his status as musician. Even if it meant going to an entire other world to do it.

In reality though, Pygmalion looked and acted more like a domesticated animal being let out into the wild for the very first time. He wouldn’t walk into the office until Selina gestured him in, and even then, he did so very hesitantly, like a child going to the dentist. Eventually, he awkwardly made eye contact with Jon who repeated his greeting when he got no response.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Jon said.

“Uh... yeah, you too.” Pygmalion said with a face like he did something wrong, his voice low and innocent.

“You too?” Jon repeated with a raised eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“W-what?” Pygmalion asked.

“Well in my experience this is usually the part where the person starts jumping up and down and saying, ‘Oh thank you so much for inviting me on your show.’” He explained.

“O-oh I’m sorry!” He blurted as he ran up to Jon like he was holding a treat. “T-thank you so much for inviting me on your show!”

Jon wasn’t sure if he deliberately repeated Jon’s example word for word or if he was being serious. Either way, he laughed a most hearty laugh got down on one knee to address him.

“Look, you’re nervous, I get it.” Jon said. “Don’t be... going on TV isn’t as difficult as you may think... after all, they gave me my own show.”

The joke went over well with Pygmalion who was now giggling like a schoolgirl, but the way his tail was tucked under his legs and his head was slightly lowered also gave the impression he was in trouble by the homeroom teacher. Thinking that maybe it was because he was surrounded by strange giant of a different species, Jon got back up to address his assistant.

“Selina, would you excuse us for a bit?” He asked as he pointed downwards. “I think our guest would be more comfortable if it was just us guys... Could you please head over to stage guys? They could use some help.”

“Of course.” Selina said as she exited the room. “If you need anything, just call me.” When the door closed, Jon thought for sure that this would make his new friend less tense, but in practice, it seemed to have made him even more nervous.

“Now then let’s get down to business... I’m sure Celestia has already informed you on what will happen here today.” Jon said, hoping that getting all the technical stuff out of the way would help. “Later on today, we will go on stage and do a quick interview off the air. The interview will be taped and stored in the archives in case we ever need to use it for the future. Comedy Central holds the right to air this interview whenever it sees fit and makes no guarantee that it will air at a set date and blah blah blah... basically what I’m saying is, our interview today will be an ace in the hole in case something happens... so... any questions?”

For a second, it looked like Pygmalion was going to say something, but instead he rubbed the back of his head and avoided eye contact. Jon waited patiently for him to say something, which he did after an uncomfortable amount of time had passed.

“No.” He answered “I mean... I understand.”

“Still nervous?” Jon asked, immediately getting a nod of the head in return. “Understandable, but you know what... I’ll give you the same advice I give everyone, human or pony, who comes to this show... just be yourself.”

“But that’s just the thing.” Pygmalion responded. “I’m afraid that if I do... you won’t like it.”

At this point, any kind of personality other than his timid orphan routine would be a welcome change for Jon’s taste.

“Nonsense. I invited you here for a reason.” Jon said. “And that reason is to show the world what you’re really made of... so please don’t hold back on me now, kid.”

“I... I know it’s just.” Pygmalion muttered. “Okay... if I... if I ‘be myself’,will you promise you won’t freak out?” He now had Jon’s attention. He knew these musician types could have a wild side, but he never had one give him a disclaimer.

“Interesting... ” Jon thought out loud as he caressed his chin. “... Alright, deal... I won’t freak out.” The way Jon made his promise gave Pygmalion a sense that he was telling the truth. He looked to have lightened up a bit as he looked him in the eyes.

“In that case... I think you should sit down.” Pygmalion advised.

“Why?” Jon asked now more interested.

“Because you might be surprised.” Pygmalion answered.

“Young man... I’ve been living on this Earth for over 50 years.” Jon laughed. “And in that time, I’ve experienced things you could not even imagine... and most recently, I’ve had to endure traveling between worlds with a dangerous demon in order to save my planet and subsequently the entire world... nothing at this point could surprise me.”

Another lengthy and awkward silence followed with Pygmalion looking down at his hooves then back at Jon.

“Still... I think you should sit down.” He said. “In case you are surprised by my... real self.”

“Whatever you say Bruce Banner.” Jon joked as he rounded his desk and sat in his chair. “There we go... happy?”

“Now remember... you promised you won’t freak out.” Pygmalion reminded.

“I promise.” Jon assured him as he held up his hand in a boyscout sign.

“Okay... here we go.” Pygmalion said as he stood straight and arched his head back. Thinking that he might use some kind of magic, Jon paid special attention to his horn which he had now thrusted into the air. While doing this, he failed to notice that Pygmalion was slowly taking in a very deep breath.

His chest expanding as air filled his lungs eventually stopped as he was now holding it all in. For a split second, a green burst of light found it’s way onto the crown of his head. Jon didn’t think strange of it at first since he was a Unicorn and undoubtedly knew a spell or two. It was only when the light quickly shot downwards did he think something was amiss.

In split second, the green light made its way down to his hooves altering the appearance of Pygmalion’s body in the process. At first Jon thought that this was some kind of trick, but when his mind had finally caught up with what happened, his mouth dropped and he lost all feelings in his legs.

Before his eyes, the once timid and frightened looking Pygmalion shape shifted himself into a new creature. One with a black body covered in holes and fangs that shined in the florescent lights of his office.

“No” Jon thought to himself. “Not again.”

Jon was now once again face to face with a Changeling.

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Please welcome to the show Rarity

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Please welcome to the show Rarity

Series: Equestrian interviews
Interviewer: Jon Stewart
Guest: Rarity
Date: ???
Location: Daily Show headquarters
733 11th Avenue Manhattan, NY 10019

THIS IS THE DAILY SHOW WITH JON STEWART

How it usually worked at the Daily Show was the pony, or other indeterminate mythical species, who was scheduled to take the stage would get teleported into the dressing/waiting room of Daily Show headquarters; from there they would be greeted by Jon’s assistant, Selina Jenson.

Is was then that she would often dictate what would happen next. If Jon hadn’t already met with said guest, she would bring them up to him, assuming Jon wasn’t too busy. If circumstances conspired that they couldn't meet right away, like if Jon couldn't be bothered at the moment or he and the guest had already met, then Selina took it upon herself to show the guest around and inform them as to what would happen and what was expected of them.

This meant that sometimes the scenario was possible of Jon having a read out of what the guest is like even before meeting them, or what kind of tone the interview might potentially be heading into. And judging by the way Selina had burst into Jon’s office unannounced just confirmed what he had already known.

“UGH! I can’t stand that woman!” Selina roared as she burst her way into Jon’s office without knocking, like a wild bull, and threw herself into the chair in front of Jon’s desk.

Looking up from the pile of work on his desk, Jon was shocked to see his assistant with her tie undone, hair down, and a face that looked as if she wanted to punch the nearest face she could reach. Jon hardly recognized her.

“Who, you mean Rarity?” Jon asked, getting only a angry sigh and a forced nod in return. “Odd, I’d’ve thought you’d love her. She’s a highclass pony like Octavia and you liked her.”

“Yes, but Octavia never tried to take away my job by going around the office telling people what to do or where to go because according to her she wanted her interview to go ‘JUST RIGHT’” Selina sneered as she pulled out a cigarette from a metal tin case. “Nor did she feel the need to comment on my outfit by saying that maybe I should let the bust in a bit more!”

Slamming her hand on Jon’s desk, she grabbed his lighter and lit her cigarette without asking permission. With great haste she took a long puff and blew the smoke out her nose, driving the bull comparison home.

“S-Selina I... I’ve never seen this side of you before.” Jon said, trying his hardest to hid back a smile and the laugh that came with it. “I... I didn’t think you were capable of this.... showing emotions I mean.” Clearly not amused by his jesting she gave Jon a look that bordered on angry and unamused before expelling another cloud of harmful smoke.

“And I didn’t think you’d be capable of such poor decisions.” She rebutted. “What on Earth would compel you to invite that... that pony onto your show!?”

This was actually a question Jon thought long and hard about for the past couple of hours. And while he could have justified his decision by any of the numerous examples that Rarity herself had given to him, or by the fact that, as well as being a very talented and independent business woman, she was also very kind, generous, and helpful.

Not to mention she was a member of the Mane 6, a group of elite ponies who have literally saved Equestria on numerous occasions. But for all her boasting and accolades, Jon hadn't yet exactly pinpointed that one important aspect of her that made her a must have for the show, unlike say her colleagues Rainbow Dash or Twilight Sparkle, a speed demon and a master of magic respectively.

But it was here during the post production of the show that Jon finally found what Rarity a very important pony. She was the only guest capable of getting under the skin of Jon’s nerve strong assistant to the point where she requested the rest of the day off. His back pain was well worth seeing his assistance in such a flustered state.

“Oh this interview is going to be good.” Jon thought with a laugh.

Apparently Selina wasn’t the only person who thought her job was being taken over by obtrusive unicorn. According to other key members of the Daily Show crew, Rarity was asserting so much input into the going-ons around the office that a good percentage of the show that day was being organized by her alone.

It started with the makeup girls wanting to work on her face. They got about as far as suggesting a type of brush to use to apply some blush before Rarity politely, though hesitantly, rejected their help in favor of doing her own makeup for the time being.

At first they they didn’t mind Rarity’s wanting to do her own face, it was actually quite preferred since now they could work on the makeup of some of the other scheduled pundits that day like, Jason Jones and his wife Samantha Bee. Or rather they would had Rarity not taken it upon herself to do their makeup as well because, according to her; she just wanted to help.

The staff, to a degree, respected her willingness to assist them, but from where they stood it seemed like she thought she could a better job than them... something which was actually embarrassingly true. Though this didn’t stop them from trying to show off some degree skill of their own. At one point some brave, but foolish, intern tried to match her intensity by demanding that she stylize Rarity’s mane for her interview... in practice that intern might as well have issued a declaration of war against her.

Another department of the show that felt the fabulous wrath of Rarity was the costume department. A section that was so obviously a target that Jon made it a point to actually warn them about her eventual visit. Though in practice it was like warning someone that a unavoidable heat seeking missile is heading towards them hours after it already terminated; it didn’t help.

What really got to some of the custom designers was how Rarity claimed all their assorted clothing was out of date and not very well put together. She explained how, if not properly attended to, they would fall apart very easily during usage; so they took upon herself to fix them. Again her eagerness to help would sometimes rub people the wrong way and for others it just made them depressed to see how a Pony, who had no fingers, was better at sewing then they were; and they had loads of fingers.

There was one section of the Daily Show that Rarity actually avoided like the plague and that was the sound and tech department. It seemed that for all her technical skills, when it came to the arts, she knew next to nothing about electronics and distanced herself from them accordingly.

This meant that those working on the set were left to do things themselves, though that didn’t stop Rarity from visiting to make sure everything was okay for her debut; though she didn’t stay very long. As for the sound engineers they didn’t even know what she looked like till the actual interview since she left them completely alone. They weren’t working on the set, but rather were left to come up with a theme song that would play during the actual airing which was later that day.

Another aspect of the show that didn’t need any input on Rarity’s part was the audience which reliably embraced the viewer with the same level of enthusiasm one would expect from them after the return from the final commercial break.

Stock footage of the streets of New York flashed on screen while the camera did it’s usual sweep before eventually zooming in on Jon who was pretending to hastily write his signature in blue note paper after blue note paper. When he looked up to address the camera he was still doing so but now talking over the audience in the process.

“Hey Welcome back! My Guest tonight, ladies and gentleman!” He yelled over the crowd as best he could. “She is a member of the Elements of Harmony, a professional seamstress, and an active resident of Ponyville.”

“Jesus!” Jon gasped, as he recoiled in fake terror. “Please welcome to the show Rarity!”

As the audience began to cheer for the eventual unveiling of the new Equestrian interviewee the sound of chirpy music began to play overhead, acting as the theme song for the guest for the night. A theme song that Rarity herself had no input on since she didn’t dare to go anywhere near the sound department.

Eventually the cheers got louder once someone finally emerged from backstage and onto the set. It was in fact Rarity who slowly walked across the stage in such a confident swagger that one could very well assume she’d been practicing her entrance for hours.

And while the good people of Manhattan were very cultured and well-bred patrons of the arts, even they were caught off guard by the pony currently walking across the stage. The way she looked and acted gave the impression that perhaps her presence would be better suited for some kind of grand ballroom or at the unveiling of a theatre or concert hall in some upstate European city.

Her dress was a long flowing gown of royal blue that matched well with the blue on stage, and gold trimmings that spiraled into shapes at the edges. She also wore a decorative gold saddle with a design of the sun on it; it was clearly designed to be practical only in that it was a purely cosmetic item.

As she walked closer and closer to Jon, he found himself having to hold back some early fits of laughter at her hair which was done in a sort of beehive style. The way it was woven was expertly done, but since the style in itself was always silly looking to him, he found himself having to force back a sea of laughter.

Meeting her halfway on stage Jon leaned in to shake her hoof and give her a kiss on cheek which she returned in a similar fashion. Before the two returned to the desk, they stood there to wave at the guests with Rarity whispering encouragements to herself in an attempt to feel less nervous.

Jon could sense this so he held on to her hoof for support, but soon found that he couldn’t break free even if he wanted to since Rarity was using her magic to keep his hand, and subsequently his entire self glued in one spot. He just assumed this was because she was nervous but in actuality it was because with Jon still wearing the suit that Rarity made for him, and the dress she was wearing, being her own design, she wanted to show off her handy work to the world as long as possible, thus accumulating a bulk of free advertisement in a few seconds equal to what would normally have taken her years and several hundred bits.

After it was clear that it was time to get back to their seats, clear by a stagehand desperately trying to get their attention by pointing to his watch, Rarity and Jon made their way back to the desk with Jon offering his hand for his guest to easily get to her chair. There the two did one last wave to the audience before sitting down, both seemed ready to go with Rarity being the last to stop waving.

“Welcome to the show Ms. Rarity; we-- thanks so much for being here today.” Jon said as the crowd began to die down in volume. “I must say that’s a real nice dress you have there... I’m guessing it was made by you?”

“Why yes!” She responded, hoping Jon would ask this very question. “Thank you ever so much for noticing, Darling! If I may say so myself that is a rather dapper looking suit you heave there! Is it new?”

Both he and the crowd laughed, leaving the audiences at home wondering what was so funny. In typical Daily Show fashion before the actual airing there was a moment where Jon got to address the audience one on one and share questions and comments. It was during this open forum that some vacationing tourist asked Jon the exact same question, it was then that he revealed that his new suit was a gift from the guest of the hour.

“W-why yes it uh, it most certainly is!” He answered in a overly excited tone. “A friend made it for me.”

Again the intended inside joke between Jon and his in house audience connected perfectly. However Rarity was hoping that Jon would reveal that said suit was of her design; disappointed but not defeated she knew of a back up way to get what she wanted.

“Which reminds me, Jonathan.” She said as she used her magic to produce a stylish looking box with the prettiest pink bow one could ever see. “You left my place of residence without taking your other suit with you. I took the liberty of cleaning, pressing, and neatly folding it in this box for you.”

Using her magic she lifted the purple and pink box into Jon’s hands whereupon he took it and placed it underneath the desk. The fact that she had his clothes, that he himself left at her house caused a few raised eyebrows from the audience both here and back in Equestria.

“Thank you Rarity.” Jon said as he turned ever so slightly to address the audience. “For those of... of, of, of you wondering I visited her once and I left my suit... because she made me this one and well I... yeeeeaaah sooo-- HEY Rarity! How you liking your stay in New York so far!?”

The audience chuckled as both he and Rarity adjusted themselves in their seats at almost the same time.

“Oh it’s it’s simply marvelous, darling!” She exclaimed. “The art! The culture! The prestige! Ahhhh, it’s all so wonderful and sophisticated! Though I will admit I was a tad worried about coming here on my own.”

“Really?” He wondered aloud. “Funny I thought you’d be excited if anything else.”

“Oh, but of course! Don’t get me wrong I’ve been looking forward to this for quite some time.” She explained, raising her hooves in defense. “But you see... well if I’m to explain my hesitation I feel I should first provide a bit of context... are you familiar with how programs from your world make it to ours?”

When it came to the more detailed and technical analysis of how broadcasting and wavelengths work Jon was about as far removed from understanding that as humanly possible. But at it’s more basic level, Jon had an idea of what was happening.

“In a uh... in a matter of speaking y-y-yes I do.” Jon began. “Only a very select few human programs actually make it to Equestria... not because of quality or censorship, but because of signal strength... there-- some make it and others don’t. Lucky for me my show is uh... is one of them.”

“Yes exactly, and while yours is by far the most popular human program watched in Equestria there are some other shows that we watch as well... though they don’t hold a candle to you, darling.” She complimented. “Now as I was saying... there is another program which, on occasion, I’ll find time to watch. It’s something of a guilty pleasure for me actually..”

“No kidding?” Jon said.

“Oh indeed so, and said show also takes place in New York.” she continued, surprising Jon as evident by his now leaning forward. “And it’s from watching this that I, I’ll admit, I had this idea that New York... might be a dangerous place.”

The stigma that New York was a place filled with violence and crime was always one that irked Jon a bit. While the big apple had it’s fair share of bad seeds it wasn’t anymore dangerous than any other city; in fact as of late the crime rate was down. So to hear about how that very same stigma crept it’s way into the pony world didn’t exactly sit well with him.

“Well I’m sorry to hear that.” He apologized, his inner curiosity now growing. “If I may... did you-- what show exactly gave you the impression that New York was so dangerous?”

“Well... it’s-- I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of it. But it was an hour long program called ‘Law and Order.’” She unveiled causing both Jon and the audience to laugh. “The show itself was quite riveting I dare say... but with a new crime every episode I was beginning to think; ‘goodness New York must be filled with all manner of criminals!’”

Jon wasn’t sure if Rarity knew whether or not the Law and Order series was fictional, but when he thought about it he decided it would be funnier if he just left her stay blissfully ignorant.

“Yeah a dead hooker every week will do that to ya?” Jon laughed. “Though...We-- I certainly hope you don’t still-- I mean now that you’re actually here I hope you don’t feel the same way.”

“Oh no need worry, darling.” Rarity assured him. “I know now that New York is a vibrant oasis of culture and civility... and, if I may be so bold, home to some of the most fabulous looking humans I’ve ever seen.”

Even though it was uncertain exactly how many humans she’d seen in her lifetime, or wether a pony can properly gauge human looks, the crowd still accepted this pandering compliment and began to cheer accordingly. She may have never been on television before, but she certainly knew how to work an audience.

“Oh please stop! You’re embarrassing me!” Rarity begged the audeince as she blushed slightly and made gesturing motions towards those in the bleachers. “I must say your audience members are as welcoming as they are classy.”

Straining his neck to get a good look at those in attendance, Jon gave a confused look like he and his guest weren’t seeing the same thing.

“Are you sure we’re seeing the same crowd here?” Jon whispered into his mic which caused the audience to laugh.

“Oh Jonathan you certainly are a facetious one. When I look into our audience tonight I see some of the most delightful group of humans one could ask for.” She complimented. Her desire to pander to those watching was a technique that Jon, as as standup comedian, was all too familiar with. “Wonderful people for an equally wonderful city...I can see why you grew up here.”

“Yes I-- actually that’s a common mistake among my fans; I actually didn’t grow up here in the big apple.” Jon corrected. “I was born here... uh, I’ve spent most of my adult life here, but I... I, I, I actually grew up in a little town called Lawrenceville in upstate New Jersey.”

“Oh... well I suppose it’s true what they say; you learn something new everyday..” She chimed as she took a sip of her water. “Well I’m... afraid I don’t know much about this ‘New Jersey.’ Tell me Jonathan is it anything like New York?”

“Eeeeeeh not really.” Jon proclaimed as he tapped his pen against the table. “Let’s... let’s put it this way... uh, P-Ponyville is to New Jersey as Canterlot is to New York.” The audience chuckled even though a few of them weren’t entirely clear on the comparison since they had never been either location, but they understood the joke well enough to see its intended humor.

“Oh... oh, I see.” Rarity said, sounding somewhat disappointed. Clearing her throat she again grabbed her water. “An amusing comparison I must say! Tell me what would the human equivalent to say... Cloudsdale be?”

The name alone made Jon cringed as memories he’d rather forget flooded his brain.

“Cloudsdale huh?” Jon asked trying not to sound too familiar. “Isn’t that the place that’s just spewing with Rainbows at every opening?

“Yes, that is indeed the place.” She acknowledged.

“Of course we have a human equivalent.” He offered. “It’s called San Francisco.”

The joke’s punch line had more of a direct impact to the humans watching the show than the ponies; although Rainbow Dash knew all too well what Jon was referring to.

“San... Francisco?” She pondered to Jon. “How odd... I wonder if it anything to do with an Equestrian city to the far west of Ponyville called ‘San Flankcisco.”

At the moment there was no laughter to be had from the audience at Rarity’s statement. It was only when there was a silence brought on by Jon just staring at her with a peculiar look on their face did they feel the need to express the humor of what was going on.

“‘San Flankcisco?’ My god, is there anything you people won’t ponify?” Jon asked, with a look of disbelief on his face. “You know what? Fine! I'll... I'll role with it! So, have you uh, have you have been to to this ‘San Buttcisco’ of yours?”

“Well yes, I have, but it doesn’t have the same prestige as some of the other cities in Equestria so I don’t make it a point of interest to go there very often.” She admitted, disappointing some regional watchers. “How about you darling.”

“If you’re asking if I’ve ever been to San Francisco, then the answer is not really.” He answered. “I’m more of a east coast shut in. Born in New York, raised in New Jersey, moved back to New York.”

“Well... at least you had the good sense to leave New Jersey and come back to New York when you had the chance.” Rarity complemented.

The reaction, once again, was slightly mixed as some of the visiting guests were actually from the garden state, as were a good portion of the audience watching in their homes.

“You know it’s-- I find it odd that you... you, you, you live the high society life, yet at the same time you live in Ponyville.” He submitted while gesturing his hand forward in a chopping motion. “You know instead of... I would think you’d rather live in a place like Canterlot, Baltimare, or Manehattan. Yeah that’s right, I can swing the pony lingo now!”

With a delicate hoof upon her lips, Rarity chuckled to herself in a way that most stereotypical high class people did, like she was afraid a full bloated laugh would cause her to spill her drink.

“I’ll admit my current residence is a bit... oh how should I but it, ‘grottier’ than I would like it, but it does have some sentimental value to me.” She explained, with Jon understanding all too well. “It’s where dear old Mommy and Daddy raised me, and it’s where all my friends are... it may have it’s flaws, and at times I feel it’s filled with some of the craziest individuals one could ever imagine, but for all the unsophistication and lack of class, you’ll always find yourself welcomed with opened hooves. And while there may be some new evil trying to destroy us every so often, it’s still a worthwhile place to consider. Great place to live, but you wouldn't want to visit there... and yet it will always hold a special place in my heart.”

During her exposition Jon was leaning forward with a single arm under his head for support so after she had finished talking he jerked back like he was awoken from some kind of trance.

“Wait, we’re still talking about New Jersey right?” Jon said causing both the audience and the guest to share a laugh. After their joyous session of giggles finally ended, he spoke once more. “Now uh... y-you’re love for Ponyville aside... do you-- you’ve been to some of the other Equestrian cities before right?”

“Oh, yes, yes many times.” Rarity admitted.

“Great so... out of all these... these grand pony metropolitans which would you say is your favorite.” Jon asked.

“Oh dear well now that is a difficult question to answer. Picking one’s favorite... well anything is always an arduous task.” She explained as she rubbed her chin and used her magic to levitate her mug of water to her mouth. “Hmm... I’m afraid I can’t be certain at this point.”

“Oh come on Rare! There’s gotta be someplace your enjoy more than the other.” Jon pleaded as he jokingly grabbed her hoof. “I mean, gun to your head, if you had to pick just one which would it be?”

Rarity was all but willing to answer Jon’s question by now, but something he just said caused her an understandable amount of confusion, considering their cultural differences.

“I’m... I’m sorry Jonathan but a what to my head?” She asked. The same look of confusion was now being shared by Jon himself.

“Gu... a gun.” He repeated himself in a louder voice though it didn’t seem to make her any more clear on what he was asking. “It, it, it’s an expression that means if you were forced to make a decision.”

“Oh that I understood,” She continued. “I’m just not entirely sure what a ‘gun’ is.” With eyes that looked like someone had shined a light into them Jon leaned forward in utter shock.

“Are you seriously telling me you don’t know what a gun is!?” She exclaimed as he began to make a gesture with his hand to imitate gun with his pointer finger and thumb. “You know those, those, things that... you know that kill people... by firing small pieces of metal at them... at very high veloci-- OH COME ON, you watch Law and Order!”

The more he explained this point to his guest, the more confused he got, but just when it seemed like Jon was barking up the wrong tree a look of realization appeared on Rarity’s face. Finally she made the connection.

“Ooooooooh a gun!” She conceded. “Oh yes now I remember... those dreadful things that are used to hurt others... yes now I remember. Sorry about that dear, but I’m afraid such things aren’t my forte... you see there are no guns in Equestria.”

Taking a sip of her water the crowd in attendance began to cheer at the thought of a world that had no firearms. Much like how Rarity was struggling to understand what a gun was, Jon was having a difficult time comprehending how she lived in a world completely devoid of them.

“I....wha-- wow I just... okay, you know what, one thing at a time!” Jon exclaimed as he lifted his finger into the air. “We’ll uh... w-w-we’ll come back to that later... but for now about that question I asked you.”

“Hmm? Oh right, right, right, of course!” Rarity cleared her throat, as her memory returned to her. “Now then as we were discussing.... out of all the major metropolises in Equestria that I have personally had the pleasure of visiting, I would say my favorite would be the illustrious city of Canterlot. It may not have the size of Manhattan or the industrial life blood of say, Baltimare... but what it does have is a vibrant oasis of art and culture that are the talks of legend. Plus it holds the royal castle which had me as a guest of honor at one point.”

For a second Jon wanted to tell how the same thing happened to him too, but at the risk of sounding he was trying to upstage his guest he decided to keep it to himself.

“OH wow, well congratulations!” Jon said as the audience gave an applause quick enough for Jon to speak again. “That must have been quite an experience for you.”

“Goodness me, it certainly was! Oh you would not believe the amount of elegant ponies I saw during my stay!” Rarity exclaimed as she cocked her head to the side like she was daydreaming. “Now of course yours truly is no stranger to the sophisticated lifestyle of upper class ponies, but these socialites were truly the best of the best; with the most influential of them all being the world renowned colt among colts, the one and only Fancy Pants.”

“Oh, you met Fancy pants did you?” Jon asked, finding that two two being acquainted not at all surprising, given their backgrounds.

“Yes I most certainly did! You see at first I was invited to Canterlot as a guest of the Princess in her castle where I would design a dress for Twilight's birthday, BUT as luck would have it I happened to run into Fancy pants while in Canterlot Proper.” She explained in a giddy tone like a high schooler describing how she met the captain of the football team during passing periods. “Oh I tell you it was like something out of and old fairy tale! Imagine it Jonathan, there I was; a nopony wondering the perfectly paved streets of Canterlot, unnoticed by the many mares and colts that passed her by. But then all of a sudden she was approached by some mysterious figure revealing himself to being the most handsome and charming stallions of them all. Before the young and naive mare knew what had happened she was swept off her hooves by this hunk of a pony and promptly invited to join him and his inner circle of friends on a rollocking adventure exploring the many fine outlets that Canterlot had to offer! It was truly an experience that most mares only dream of.”

There was no doubt in Jon’s mind that Rarity was exaggerating some of the finer points in her description of what had happened. Though one thing he did take her at face value was the part of Fancy Pants inviting her to join him for a day around the town; it really did seem like something he’d do. Pretty much the same thing happened to Jon when he and his wife visited Canterlot for the first time; a point which he decided, again, not to bring up lest it seemed like he was trying to upstage his guest.

“So where did-- what did you and Fancy Pants end up doing for that fairy tale outing of yours?” He asked as he leaned back in his seat, causing Rarity to lean forward.

“Oh no where special reeeaaaally.” She confessed with a idle wave of her hoof. “He only took me, as his guest of honor I should mention, to see the Wonderbolts do a live performance, then he invited me to christen the launching of a new high class airship, but not before inviting me over to his private yacht.”

“And here I thought you were a cheap date.” Jon commented in an obvious joking manner. “I’m guessing your trip was all pleasure and no business then?”

“Well now I wouldn't say that say that exactly.” She commented. “Do not get me wrong, I had some jolly good fun conversing with high class society ponies, but at the same time I did remember I was there for a reason. I was tasked with preparing the most stunning dress Twilight had ever seen... which was difficult when so many of Fancy Pants’ colleagues were inviting me to their various social gatherings... they were quite persistent that I attend.”

“So what you're saying is you had business to take care of, but a bunch of fancy ponies kept trying to force you to go to their different shindigs?” Jon surmised.

“Yes that’s exactly what happened!” Rarity affirmed. “I mean can you imagine?”

“I think I have an idea of what that feels like.” He said waiting for the irony to sink in, but it never did. “Sounds exhausting to me really.”

“Well for now I will say this... the events I participated in were actually quite riveting!” She continued. “I got to go to an art gallery to see an upcoming exhibit, attend a charity auction, for a good cause I assure you, and then there was a private dinner party at a local resident's fabulous penthouse suite.”

“Rarity, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you wore a different outfit for each and every one of these fancy occasions you’ve just listed.” He assumed.

“Why yes I did!” She revealed sounding rather flattered. “How did you know.”

“Just a hunch.” Jon shrugged.

“But you see doing so necessary. As well has having a ‘good time’ I was also networking with some of the most influential ponies of my generation, because as I'm sure you are aware it's not what you know it's who you know. So I’m sure you understand that I needed to look my best.” She explained. “But yes it is how you said all very exhausting. Why I was on my hooves so much I almost didn’t finish Twilight dress!” To bring this point home Rarity struck a dramatic pose where she laid the back of her hoof against her face.

“You know... uh, you could have just politely declined their offer and focused on making the dress.” Jon argued.

“Bite your tongue, Jonathan! A noble mare such as myself could never do such a thing. They requested my presence at their various outings, a true lady such as myself had to attend.” She challenged as she slammed the top of the desk. “Going to those events helped me expand my portfolio of professional acquaintances like never before! As a strong independent business mare, these contractual obligations are just as important as keeping a promise to a friend... besides if word got out that I turned down the invitations of some of the highest regarded ponies in all of Canterlot then others would assume I was some kind of churlish snob who's bad manners were matched only a lacking sense of civility.”

“Wow... you really care about how other ponies think about you, don’t ya.” He submitted.

“Well now when you put it that way it makes me sound like some kind of egotistical scamp who bases her self worth by what others say about-- okay I can see where you're coming from.” She admitted in a deadpan voice as she nervously rubbed the back of her head. “I’m afraid I’ve... I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember... ever since I was young I always dreamt of being a somepony... and I just thought that if these high class ponies thought the world of me I could finally be an important pony.”

Rather than coming at things from an understanding angle, or seeing things from her point of view, Jon raised a single eyebrow as far up as he could before leaning in like he was going to whisper something but instead spoke in a clear tone.

“Rarity... you... at the time this was happening you got to stay in Canterlot Castle as the personal guest of PRINCESS CELESTIA.” Jon reminded her. “Not only that, but you’re also a member of a group of ponies who control the elements of existence and have saved the world twice; once from a powerful Alicorn trying to take over the throne a-and, and, and again against a god who was threatening to plunge all of existence into eternal chaos. W-what I’m saying is unless you also...uh, find a way of making it so when I drop my toast it lands butter side up I think you can’t get any more important than you already are.”

“Why thank you Jonathan darling! You do know what to say to make a girl feel good about herself don’t you?” She cheered as she flipped her hair coquettishly. “In a lot of ways you remind me a lot of Fancy Pants; a sophisticated socialite with wealth, power, followers, and a true gentleman and a scholar.”

“Rarity stop, you’re already on the show.” Jon patted her hoof as the crowd shared a laugh. “And speaking of which I actually had Fancy Pants on, on, on my show once before.”

“Ah yes, I am well aware of that!” She answered as she sat up in her seat now at full attention. “That particular episode is actually one of my all time favorites, I’ll have you know.”

Here in the human world the Daily Show was world renowned, but at the same time the audience was dominated by a certain group or two for ultimate niche appeal. They didn’t score too well with republicans, the elderly, or rich people, but throughout the years cornered the market with younger, more liberal audiences. And stoners; they completely controlled the stoner demographic.

But the guests he’s had from Equestria were from all walks of life and, based on their census, seemed that every pony in Equestria watched his show.

“Well after this I’m sure he’ll feel the same way about yours?” He said. “Honestly I’m surprised ponies like you and Fancy Pants even watch my show.”

“Oh darling please; anypony who is anypony watches the Daily Show back home.” She revealed in a tone that suggested that she was only stating an obvious. “I myself have been enjoying the comedic genius of your fine program for many years now. I’ll admit... I may have missed a few episodes every now and again during the hectic fashion season, but as of late I have never missed an installment of ‘Equestrian Interviews.’”

No doubt Jon was flattered by this gesture, but rather than letting it go, he decided to expand on it, since something she said gave him an idea for another interesting line of questioning.

“Rarity... Which-- might I ask you a question?” He said as he leaned in like what he was about to say was extremely important.

“Well of course, Jonathan!” She said. “You can ask me whatever your heart desires!”

“Okay thanks.” He responded in a blunt tone, and then proceeded to say nothing, leaving an awkward silence. When Rarity began to fidget in her seat the audience chuckled at her expression of confusion.

“Um... w-what is the question you want to ask, Darling?” She finally ventured.

“Oh no that was it.” Jon revealed. “My question was ‘can I ask you a question?’”

“....Oh ...” Rarity said, looking confused than playfully annoyed once she saw Jon break out in laughter at her expense.

“No I’m just joking!” He chuckled, obviously amused by his own antics. He took a second to get whatever laughter he had left out of his system before continuing. “What I... no, actually what I wanted to ask was.... was, was, was...out of... out of all the episodes you’ve seen that’s had a guest from Equestria... who--which one would be your favorite?”

Much like before there was a silence from Rarity only this time it was because she was seriously thing thinking about the question. This was clear by her now leaning forward with her one hoof holding her up and the other tapping gently against her face in thought.

“Weeell... well Like I said before, picking ones favorite anything is always a difficult choice to make.” She explained. “Especially since quite a few of of the ponies you’ve interviewed are dear friends of mine.”

“Buuuuuuuuuuut.” Jon leaned in with widened eyes.

“But... if I had to pick one Equestrian Interview I enjoyed the most... I would say it would be... Rainbow Dash’s.” Rarity admitted, sounding and looking slightly guilty that she said it. “I mean no disrespect to some of my colleagues who have been and I’m sure will be on this very show, but when it comes to Rainbow Dash... well like me I know she’s just been dying to get on television, so when I finally saw her being interviewed, I just couldn't help but feel overwhelming joy for her... It was nice seeing a friend’s dream come true. Also, it was amusing seeing you tease her a bit here and there.”

“Yes well, I know where you're coming from, it is always nice to see a friend succeed in their goals.” He stated. He himself had the pleasure of seeing many of his corresponds move on to bigger, better things. “And you know I rather liked the uh, the Rainbow Dash Interview as well, and so did our fans. According to ratings, viewership of the show went up a whopping 20% after her interview.”

“Oh I’m not surprised; she’s an all around great friend to have, I can’t imagine how anypony wouldn’t find her absolutely adorable.” She chimed in. “As a matter of fact I owe so much of what I’ve done with my life to her. It’s because of her that I was able to get my Cutie Mark... it’s a long story, but basically me, Twilight, Fluttershy, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie all got our Cutie Marks because of her. Not only that, but at one point dearest Rainbow Dash actually saved my life.”

“She did!?” Jon marveled as he leaned in, almost hanging over his desk.

“Oh indeed she did!” Rarity responded as she leaned in as well. “Again a long story darling but the gist of it is I and the Wonderbolts were falling to our deaths when Rainbow Dash heroically swooped down from on high and saved us all from a fate most foul! So yes, I do owe that pony a lot for always being there for me; like a good friend should.”

While the crowd applauded this declaration of friendship Rarity herself was having a hard time pinpointing the look on Jon’s face. Partially because he had his hands clasped in front of it, as if in deep thought, but also because, despite her heartwarming story, he looked to be both confused and annoyed.

“Okay... so... alright, alright... so If I’m understanding you correctly... Rainbow Dash has not only... helped save your world multiple times from the forces of evil but she’s also... responsible for setting into action a series of events which ultimately shaped the lives of five other ponies who would grow up to become the Elements of Harmony themselves.” Jon listed as Rarity followed along by nodding her head. “In addition, she’s not only one of the fastest flyers in your world, but she’s the only pony to ever pull off the uh... the, the, the, Sonic Rainboom and she’s also saved the lives of both you and numerous members of the Wonderbolts from certain death... am I right so far?”

“Yes, yes you are darling.” She answered. For the third time there was no dialogue between them, just a very confused Jon looking at Rarity with a look of complete disbelief like she had just told him that the world is flat.

“Okay seriously!” Jon roared as she threw his hands in the air. “How the HELL is she not a member of the Wonderbolts yet!?”

Before she could even answer, the crowd began to cheer and applaud with an intensity they usually reserved for only for when the show began or ended. At one point Rarity tried to say something but her words were drowned out by the crowd chanting the words “Rainbow Dash” over and over again.

“Well I’m... I’m certain that one day they will see her for the great and loveable pony that she.” Rarity said over the continued cheering of the crowd. “Actually awhile ago I created the most stunning technicolor scarf and saddle ensemble that would look simply adorable with the Wonderbolts uniform... I plan on giving it to Rainbow Dash the day she’s finally accepted onto the team.”

The crowd that had at this point ceased their applause and had once again reacted only this time in a cliched chorus of “Awwwwwww.”

“You really do seem like you are very fond of Rainbow Dash.” Jon commented. as he played with the pen on his desk. “And I can see why; she’s done so much for you.”

“Yes, yes she has; she’s one of my best friends.” She responded.

“Would... I mean would you uh, go as far as to say that she’s your favorite out of all your friends?” He asked without a hint of sarcasm which lead the purple haired Unicorn to give him a look of shock.

“Jonathan Stewart, I can not believe you’d even ask such a question!” She uttered as she threw her snout in the air. “This isn’t like picking my favorite city or interview, what you’re asking is impossible. I mean I could maybe pick a favorite sewing machine, or a favorite spa treatment, maybe even a favorite restaurant BUT a favorite one of my friends... why it’s unthinkable. I mean... could you choose a favorite one of your children?”

“Well I would but... then the other would just get mad at me.” He said while pulling out collar to let out the imaginary steam. “So... not even gonna try to think of a favorite huh?”

“Not at all.” She answered. “Not even, as you humans apparently say, ‘bun to my head.’” Her refusal to budge on the issue was rewarded by those in attendance giving her a slight applause, as well as a few giggles from those who caught on her to her mispronunciation.

“It’s it’s called a ‘gun’... and you know I’m glad you brought that back up,” he said. “I’m just... you know I’m sitting here... and I absolutely... what really baffles me is that you live in a world where guns don’t exist... It’s like-- it, it, it just completely blows my mind.”

“Is it so odd a concept to comprehend?” She asked. “I’m not an expert on the subject, but if I had to take an educated guess I would say that we ponies of Equestria don’t possess the technology to create such devices ourselves. I’ve only ever seen them on television so enlighten me... are they quite prominent in your culture?”

Her question wasn’t answered firstly by Jon, but by the audience who laughed at her perfectly innocent inquiry.

“Rarity, in our world... we-- some people use guns the same way a high school student uses a comma.” He explained. “Way too much and in the wrong places; OH, NERD SLAM!”

To punctuate his own joke Jon pumped his fists while yelling the phrase "boom", leaving Rarity astonished on how he could make light of an apparently serious issue. Once the crowd ceased its own laughter the issue went right back to being serious with Jon continuing his explanation.

“But r-really we use-- and not only that, but uh... but even as we speak this issue is the focal point of so many debates from our leaders that our media is completely fixated on them, with some people wanting to... to, to get rid of them and others wanting them more easily accessible.” He explained. “In fact we-- they are so prominent in our culture that one of the earliest amendments of this nation was the right to own them. Our uh, military uses them, our, our, our police force uses them, normal citizens use them, and, unfortunately, our criminal underclass uses them as well.”

“Oh dear! Well I can certainly see why some such a topic would be highly debated.” Rarity commented. “Fortunately for us such dangerous tools do not exist where I come from, so while I can possibly see them being used for good, I’ll never have to worry about such a weapon falling into the wrong hooves.”

It would seem that the crowd was in agreement based on their light cheering that soon followed after.

“Well yes, but at the same time I’m sure Equestria isn’t completely absent of it’s fair share of dangerous instruments. I’m sure you guys have some weaponry that are just as, if not more, dangerous than a gun.” Jon commented as he made a gesture for her to reconsider. “Here’s what’s so interesting... I know for a fact that guards have spears and and there are some unicorn spells that are considered deadly... what about those?”

“You do have a point, but you see all of the things you’ve listed are items that have been heavily regulated. For example... the weapons that the royal guards own, such as spears, swords, bows are, from what I understand, only given to professional guards and not to civilians.” She explained, trying her best to recollect as much as possible about a subject that she only knew vaguely of. “Though there have been cases of them being issued to non-royal guards, but even then every step is taken to make sure it’s been given to a pony who won’t abuse it.”

“It’s interesting how in your world... the act of making dangerous artifacts hard to procure isn’t seen as... a-a-as limiting freedom, but instead a necessity for keeping the public safe.” He commented which in turn caused the crowd to cheer at the idea, some with more personal experience with said subject than others. “And what of magic... that seems like something much more ambiguous since a large group of the Equestrian populace are Unicorns; magic users.”

“Well yes, but it’s very much the same. You see as for dangerous magic spells... well again only trained and certified Unicorns are allowed to have them... they aren’t just given to anypony, that would be highly irresponsible.” Rarity advised. “Spellbooks are rare and often hard to obtain because they are circulated carefully or kept under advisement incase it’s not ready to go to the population. Twilight once told me that an old Unicorn trick for keeping lethal spells out of the hooves of ponies that could abuse them would be to make them as complicated and difficult to use as possible... thus making them worthless to an inexperienced user.”

“So just to summarize: your-- Equestria has no guns, has mandated some heavy regulations on weapons, and is ruled by a monarchy.” Jon listed, getting a nod in return on each point. “Alright then... I can safely say that Republicans would hate it in your world.”

In response to this obvious facetious assumption, Rarity threw her nose in the air as if idly dismissing the advances of an amorous soiter

“Well then... to them the only thing I would say in response is perhaps they should keep an open mind about other people’s cultures.” She stated for the world to see. “Especially if they know little about it.”

“Well said, but...but let me ask you this?” Jon said, having to pause mid-sentence because of the audience once again cheering at another one of Rarity’s pearls of wisdom. “Do you personally... uh, own any weapons like... like, like a spear or some destructive spells, just... really anything at all?”

“No I do not. Such things have no place in my household.” Rarity shook her head. “I wouldn’t even know how one would go about requesting the forms necessary to own any steel based weaponry like the ones the royal guards own. And as for any lethal spells... well I am a Unicorn, but unlike say Twilight Sparkle, I’m not what you would say a technical profession in the magic arts. I know a few basic spells and even those aren’t dangerous. I only use them for the day to day chores and with my line of work like gem-finding, dressmaking, and topiary art. Why do you ask, darling?”

“Uh, because well... let’s say for a second that I was someone who... uh, is a huge proponent of guns.” Jon had her consider. “I could argue that since you don’t have a gun, or really any other forms of weapons at your disposal, that you have no means to protect yourself like if a-- if someone breaks into your boutique to rob you.”

The initial response to this was Rarity leaning back in her seat and placing her hooves in a praying position against her face, as if she was thinking about the question. In actuality she was hiding her smile.

“I will say this darling... such scenario can happen... though highly unlikely.” She answered carefully. “You see, crime in Equestria is quite rare. Vile acts like theft, assault, and other such criminal actions are almost nonexistent in my world. It really is the kind of place where you can keep your front door unlocked at night.”

“Are you trying to make me jealous!?” Jon asked in a jokingly roaring tone. “I can’t believe such a perfect world exist... you know giants, monsters, gods of destruction, and shape shifting demons notwithstanding.”

“Now, now, now, Jonathan I wouldn’t say it’s perfect; crime is unlikely, I didn’t say it was impossible. The fact of the matter is that it does happen, but are usually too few and too far apart to ever be considered a major problem.” She continued. “And as such sometimes some ponies have their own methods for dealing with it... you asked what would happen if someone tried to rob me.”

“Yeah, because you don’t have any weapons or, no offense, advance skills in magic so how would you deal with a situation like someone trying to mug you.” He asked as Rarity smiled the same hidden smile from before. “Because I don’t think your cat can be relied to subdue intruders.”

“Well firstly, assuming the situation presents itself, I can always call upon the proper authorities to protect me. Secondly, if the situation is far beyond my control I can always run away or comply with said burglars demands... earthly bits are not worth one’s livelihood.” She explained as she grabbed her mug of water. “But if the situation presented itself where I personally needed to handle the situation with not but my own gumption... well let me assure you... I can handle myself.”

Before taking a sip of her water she shot Jon a wink and a smug look leaving him to wonder how serious she was being.

“I uh... I, I, I don’t understand what you mean exactly.” He admitted.

“It’s quite simple really; If I needed to... I could subdue this would-be assailant using various CQC techniques and hoof-to-hoof engagements.” She answered, leaving Jon with a confused look about him. “...What I’m saying isI know how to fight.”

Just as she expected would happen, Jon continued to sport his look of disbelief only now it was accompanied by an onslaught of laughter from both him and the audience.

“You!” Jon exclaimed with a smile. “You know how to fight... you!?”

“Indeed I do; took lessons in karate.” She answered which only made Jon laugh more. “Growing up, father insisted.”

“You know Karate!?” Jon blurted out still as doubtful as ever.

“The idea of somepony so elegant and sophisticated as myself knowing martial arts does sound rather... preposterous I will admit.” She conceded. “And while I prefer not to get my hooves dirty, if I’m ever in a situation where a friend or member of my family is in danger and I’ve exhausted every possible option rest assured that I will leap into the fray and do what I can to protect those that are most important to me!”

Although she was being serious, Jon was still in the throes of laughter now at the thought of his guest calling “timeout” during a skirmish to fix her hair.

“Okay, calm down there Ralph Macchio, I believe ya.” He said in a tone that lead Rarity to believe that he actually didn’t. “So, like, do you... I mean, if you practice Karate, do you have your black belt yet?”

“I actually could have moved up to a black belt. My teacher said I had the potential.” She revealed. “But I turned the offer down.”

“Why?” Jon asked. “Was this some kind of not wanting to get too involved with the practice or some kind of act of humility thing?”

“No it’s because I wanted to stick to a purple belt.” She added. “Black is not my color.”

For a brief moment Jon was actually starting to believe the validity of her claims, but once again he was now laughing at her, this time having to get up from his seat and place his hand against the his desk for balance before sitting back down.

“You know... it’s... it’s statements like that that makes me suspect that you’re just... full of it.” Jon said causing Rarity to scrunch her nose in protest.

“Well I never!” She exclaimed in forced protest, though it didn’t last long. With a slight scooch of her chair she leaned in to address Jon up close. “Very well then... if you do not believe me then here... allow me to demonstrate.”

Dropping her elbow on the table she offered Jon her hoof as well as a confident smile.

“Grab my hoof.” She said.

“Excuse me?” He asked as he sat back down.

“You heard me, darling. I want you to grab my hoof ” She repeated. Tentatively he reached out and did as she said. “Good... now then when I give the word I want you to apply as much force against my arm in an attempt to send it to the desk.”

“Oh you mean arm wrestle!” Jon figured out. “You want to-- oh Rarity I couldn't, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Don’t worry, you won't, darling.” She assured him. “I simply wish to demonstrate that I do possess the sufficient strength necessary to support my claims... so if you please.”

Being a gentleman Jon was ready to once again deny her request but the sound of the audience cheering him to go along with the stunt was quickly forcing him to reconsider. Like a man trapped in quicksand, the more he struggled the deeper he sank, with the crowd only increasing the volume of their cheers and applause if Jon look like he would break free from Rarity’s grip.

“Alright fine.” Jon complied as he placed his elbow in the assumed position and adjusted himself in his seat. “But remember that contract you signed before the show? If I hurt you, I can’t be held responsible.” With a nod from his guest, Jon grabbed her perfectly manicured hoof as gently as possible

“Alright aaaaaand... now!” Rarity said. The two parties were at a standstill with neither of them getting the upper hand, but only because neither of them tried to overpower the other. The crowd cheered with both of them refusing to make a move which only caused the audience to start chanting “Go, go, go” like it was an all night kegger.

“Come now Jonathan.” Rarity spoke. “It’s perfectly alright... I promise you I won’t get hurt.” Though he was skeptical since he had a good few feet on her and probably outweighed her three times over.

After it was clear that the crowd wasn’t going to stop their chanting Jon conceded and began to apply a tiny bit of pressure against Rarity, his plan being to quickly subdue her and get this over with.

When Jon began to push Rarity’s hoof towards the side she responded by apply an equal amount of pressure to remain stationary. In retaliation Jon upped the amount of force only to get the same results; soon he found no matter how he tried he couldn't get Rarity’s arm to budge even an inch. Sitting up for leverage or putting his other hand flat on the desk didn’t do much to help.

The chanting from the crowd got louder and louder till it eventually stopped, but only because it switched to cheering once Rarity, seemingly without much effort, slammed the back of Jon’s hand against the desk in victory. This portion of the interview alone would make it one of the most watched ones to date and, based on how Jon was rubbing his hand, he too would not soon forget it.

“Damn it!” Jon roared as he couldn't help but laugh at his own hubris. “Okay, I take everything back; you’re pretty tough there Rare.”

“I told you, I can handle myself.” She responded as she flipped her hair to the side. “One really shouldn't judge a book by its cover, darling.”

“Yeah, yeah, well if I was twenty years younger, things’d be different, I tell ya that.” He rubbed his palm and stretched his fingers. In truth Jon was right, a big part of why he lost was due to his advanced age. “I just... man, had no idea someone as... well as prissy as you could be so... so, so, so strong.”

“Excuse me Jonathan, but the life of a seamstress is a tough and stressful profession, I’ll have you know. It's is not all dainty dinner parties and silk pajamas.” She said, failing to mention that at the same time they were a big part of it. “Why I remember one season I was tasked in making an entire fall line up with the central theme being long skirts and ruffles... I managed to get halfway done when the new fad changed from ruffles to sarong. So I had to scrap the entire idea and start over, but then the pony who commissioned the idea had a hot tip that the new fashion trend that would be popular with all the mares would be ribbons. So I then had to incorporate fanciful ribbons into each design but then Hoity Toity announced that anyone caught dead wearing a long dress would be shunned from the fashion world so I had start all over, again, and work with a slightly shorter design... and that was only after the Victorian look made a come back.”

“Jesus.” Jon cringed. “That must have been one stressful year for you.”

“Year?” Rarity responded. “Darling please, that was just one week.” Jon slapped his still throbbing hand against his face and dragged it downwards as the crowd laughed.

“I never-- see this is exactly why I don’t like the fashion world. I just don’t understand how it works.” He said. “And it even makes less sense over, uh... over in Equestria I mean who-- how does clothes work over there anyway? Most of you guys just walk around... you know, naked anyways so--”

“Well it’s simple really... clothing in my world is separated by special occasions and for identification.” Rarity interrupted in an exciting tone; she loved to impart knowledge of fashion whenever possible. “You see... in Equestria ponies, usually, only wear the type of clothes I design for certain types of social gatherings. A trip to the theatre, the grand opening of a museum, a royal audience with the princess, or if I just came up with a new design and want to show it off, or if it’s tuesday, or I just found out that I gained a few pounds and want to hide it by looking fabulous.”

“Those last couple of reasons didn’t seem very ‘Special occasiony’” Jon commented.

“Well they are to me.” Rarity shot back. “Now where was I? Ah yes; the other reason why we wear clothing is if some type of ceremonial wear or uniform. Judges wear robes, construction workers wear their reflective gear, sports teams wear their uniforms and so on and so on.”

“Okay... but who makes the clothing for those ponies?” Jon asked.

“Oh, I do.” She said in a tone of voice so blunt it could be a roofing tile. He was so shocked by this sudden revelation he almost choked on the water he was currently in the process of trying to drink.

“Excuse me!” Jon said. “You make... all the clothes in Ponyville.”

“Well that might be a tad hyperbolic.” Rarity admitted. “I’m sure there are some ponies who import clothing that I don’t have the skills to make myself... but what I can tell you is that a large percentage of clothing worn by ponies in Ponyville come from me.”

Looking back on this interview Jon kicked himself for not asking if that also included the ponies who worked in the strip clubs.

“That must be... time consuming.” He said.

“A drawback for doing something I love yes, but it’s worth it, I assure you.” She commented.

“Has such responsibilities ever kept you from... oh I don’t know having fun or doing something just for yourself.” Jon asked.

“Occasionally. I remember the year princess Luna came to visit Ponyville for the first time since her return... she did so during the Ponyville Nightmare Night celebration.” Rarity remembered. “Unfortunately I--

“Wait, wait, wait ,wait... are you saying Princess Luna, one of the gods of your world showed up at a Halloween party in Ponyville?” Jon interrupted. “Son of a bitch, I can’t even get a single intern to come to our memorial day office party... I’m sorry continue.”

“Yes well as I was saying.” She stammered. “Unfortunately I couldn’t attend this social event because I was too busy making everyone's costumes... well worth it to know that everypony was looking frightfully fabulous.”

"Was that your first time doing-- I mean had you uh, had you made party costumes like those before?" Jon asked.

"Oh my yes, numerous times... as a matter of fact have you ever heard of a pony called 'Mare do well?'" She asked.

"Uh I don't-- can't say that I have." He answered. "Why? Should I?"

"I don't expect you to but you see... well to make a awfully long story short I and my friends created this pony persona super hero called 'the mysterious Mare do well.'" She explained. "We each assumed her identify at one point to teach Rainbow Dash a lesson by saving the people of Ponyville and winning their hearts and minds... by doing so we showed young Rainbow Dash that she shouldn't be so boastful and--"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait... let me get this straight." Jon interrupted. "So... you and your friends... the Elements of Harmony had a problem with Rainbow Dash and rather than just... oh I don't know, talking to her about it you decide to create a super hero alter ego to out stage her to teach her a lesson in humility and complacency?"

"Yes that is correct." Rarity answered. Rubbing his hands across his face Jon took a long sigh before coming back up to look his guest in the eyes with a disbelieving look.

"Rarity... do you have a dictionary at your house?" Jon asked.

"I... suppose I do." Rarity answered.

"Good... after the show when you go back home I want you to look up what 'passive aggressive' means." He ordered. While the crowd once again laughed Rarity looked as if she was moments away from explaining herself, but she never go the chance since at the very moment the laughter had subsided Jon was quick to get back on track.

“So uh... getting... getting back to uh, to the topic of you making costumes for all the ponies during Nightmare night... that’s-- I must admit that is very impressive.” He commented. “You must have made a killing that day.

“Oh no I did it all for free.” She responded. “Usually I just give discounts to friends but since this was a special occasion I did it all without charge.”

“My how... generous of you.” Jon chuckled. “Uh who.... w-w-who would you say is your best customer? Like who do you find is always coming in and out of your shop the most?” This question made Rarity stop and think for a moment.

“Hmmm... weeeeell... my best customer is... I’ll be honest this is a difficult question to answer. A lot of my income comes from ponies from neighboring villages or far away towns who have heard of me. I import a lot of clothing so it’s difficult to know off hoof exactly who had paid for my services the most.” She explained while trying to recall what her biggest sale ever was. “If I had to guess I would say the most I’ve ever been paid for a single design would be when Sapphire Shores commissioned me to make a new stage outfit for her completely covered with gems.”

“Covered with gems?” Jon asked. “Isn’t that a bit... much?”

“Oh not at all. You see one of my unique abilities is I can use my horn to find diamonds and other precious stones underground.” She explained. “Which reminds me; as to your other question: ‘Who spends the most time in my shop’ that would be Spike.”

“Spike?” He asked. “I wouldn't have pegged him for a dedicated follower of fashion.”

“I wouldn't either, he never buys anything, he only ever comes by to talk to me or see how I’m doing. No idea why he’s so interested in my work when he doesn’t wear clothes, but I welcome him because who could say no to cute little Spikey Wikey’s face!” She said. “And sometimes, if I’m in a good mood, I’ll let him eat a ruby or two out of my chest of gems... those are his favorite.”

“Hmmmmm... giving away dresses for free and giving priceless iridescent jewelry to a dragon who eats them?” Jon voiced out loud. “You know... there's being generous and then there's being a sucker.”

“Hey! There is nothing wrong with lending a helping hoof to one’s friends.” Rarity said over the laughter of the crowd. “Yes, I give things away for free at times, but as well as trying to be a very important pony I’m also trying to be a very important friend.”

“Well you know what Rarity?” Jon asked as he reached out with his good hand to grab her hoof. “As far as I’m concerned you’re both. But listen we’re almost out of time so do-- would you mind if you uh... you know like stayed for an extra five minutes and we’ll throw the rest up on the web?”

“Why Jonathan I’m surprised you’d even have to ask.” She said as she shook his hand. “That would be simply devine!”

“Alright, maybe I’ll challenge you to a rematch.” He said as he turned to the cameras. “Rarity everyone! We’ll be right back.”

And with that both he and Rarity leaned in for another quick peck on the cheek with Rarity looking to the crowd to wave and Jon whispering something into her now attentive ear. The camera began to zoom away but was also in an angle to show off Rarity’s dress.

The sound the crowd cheering was so intense that the sound engineers in the back had to do some quick calibrations to account for their being so much noise. Otherwise the sound of the Daily Show logo swooshing its way onto the screen would've been hard to hear. Soon after it faded to black as another commercial took over before the ending credits.

Episode 17 [Rarity]: Here it is your moment of zen

There is a saying that hindsight is 20/20. For Jon this was especially true when it came his theory that Celestia was keeping something from him in regards to his friend Trixie.

Ironically had Jon stayed put and never have left his house he would have gotten the answers the was so desperate to find. Not a few minutes after convincing Twilight to teleport him to Equestria Jon received a royal parcel from Celestia herself. Within it she revealed everything to him.

Everything from Trixie's current state to why it took her this long to get back to him about her status. It wouldn't be till much later on, when Jon came back home from his show, did he realize that the answers he seeked were at his fingertips. That night Jon learned the fate of his friend and family member from Celestia herself who detailed it in her note.

Trixie's Status: Alive

Trixie’s vital signs: Fully responsive

Trixie’s mental state: Perfectly rational

It would seem that for all intents and purposes Trixie had passed every test and received a clean bill of health from the doctors and despite what some thought when she first arrived came back stronger than ever.

Final analysis: Trixie was as healthy as a pony could be.

This made Jon happier than he could remember. Weeks of worrying now seemed so far away and he was overjoyed to hear that once again he would have his friend back. However... his celebration was then promptly season when he realized something most confusing.

According to her status Trixie had healed and was clear for discharge over a week ago? Why did it take so long for him to hear about this?

The reason by while physically and mentally she was never better the same could not be said about her emotional state. Jon soon realized this when he received his second letter... this time written by Trixie herself.

These results... Jon didn’t like one bit.