Has Anypony Seen This Floof?
Has Anypony Seen This Floof?
".....How?"
This is the only thing that the brown pony had to say while laying on the floor of his tiny home on the outskirts of Ponyville. Void of an explanation and full of questions as to what has just transpired. The inside of his home was torn asunder.
There were floods.
There were explosions.
It was chaos.
It all happened so fast, all the brown pony could remember was a blur of grey fuzzy waves assaulting his rooms in a "Black Hawk Down" kinda fashion where even if the memories were brief, they were still enough to trigger a PTSD episode. Ironically enough, the only thing keeping the brown pony from losing his mind is the same thing that caused the damage in the first place. As the stallion laid there flat on his back, on the top of his chest was a small grey bat pony. She was consistently biting and booping his muzzle in a very concerned manner, squeaking at him trying to get him to respond in anyway she could. It was at this point that the stallion knew, if this creature wasn't so adorable, it's race would probably be purged off the face of the planet for being such a hazard.
1 hour earlier
Groggy horse noises is what you'd hear every morning at the start of Domino's day. Just like any other lazy pony he'd lay there and contemplate if he could just stay there, in his bed, under the covers for 24 hours or how ever long it would be until he had to be at work again. It was totally possible in theory considering it was his day off. And it wasn't like he was a pony who wondered what his friends were up too all the time. Unlike others, Domino actually saw his introvertedness as an advantage when it came to situations like this. He could spend entire days, weeks or maybe even months before he had that "I wanna hang out with my friends" idea.
The only thing that seemed to get him out of bed on mornings like this was considered his kryptonite. His all mighty vice. The only conceivable thing that Domino liked so much, it had the potential to leave him broke, homeless, waifu-less (if he had one), insane and dead if he let it influence him too much.
Coffee.
It's a perfect way to destroy you're "be lazy all day" plan if 70% of the liquids you consume have caffeine in it. If you would've told Domino that for a decent chunk of his young stallion life his number one weakness would be "hot bean liquid" when he was a colt who thought he knew everything, he'd just put in his headphones and drown you out with one of Songbirds earliest singles.
So like a tired and resentful junkie, Domino pulled himself out of bed and began to trot to his kitchen to begin his daily routine of cooking meth. Wait.... Oops. I mean making coffee.
What felt like 10 miles later, but was actually just 10 feet later, Domino made it to his kitchen and began to gather the bags of weed to make and smoke a thick ass joint. Wait.... Oops. I meant gather the sugar, K-cup, cream and most importantly, the mug. He had the first 3 items by the instant coffee machine then went to retrieve his mug. He made it back to the coffee maker and noticed something odd right before he pressed the button. He couldn't see the bottom of his mug. It was blocked by what appeared to be a fuzzy stress ball. It goes without saying that Domino was quite confused.
"The hell? How'd this happen?" Domino thought as he peered into the mug. He didn't even know what he was looking at. Fuzzy stress balls didn't exist. He was like 80% sure. So.... what was it? He couldn't just touch it. What if it was a pipe bomb disguised as a ball of fluff? You gotta be smart and elusive to be a terrorist right? Well... a successful one anyway. And then Domino had another thought. Thanks to a video he saw on HorseTube, he began to consider that maybe it was one of those spider sack things that spawn a million tiny baby spiders in an instant. Granted, the ones he saw on HorseTube were substantially smaller. But this just made Domino consider that maybe the mama spider was extremely pregnant and just so happened to lay a sack that has a million times a million of baby spiders from hell. If that was indeed the case then Domino would have to burn his house down immediately.
One ridiculous thought lead to another and then another. All of them passing through his mind like Equestria's most unpleasant slideshow while still peering into this mug at this random ball of fluff. A few more moments passed and then Domino got an answer. Out of nowhere, the ball of fluff started to fidget and shift its position. Ears emerged. Then eyes. Then a snoot. He was now looking at a tiny face that was looking right back up at him.
Whatever this thing was, It smiled at Domino and gave off an audible "sqeak" moments after eye contact. "So... do I still need to burn down my house?" Domino thought to himself. And then hooves appeared and, with no pause at all, went straight into this things mouth. "Wait, it has hooves??" Domino noted. It seemed to just be nibbling on them in a very adorable manner. But as cute as this was, Domino was still confused. Concerned, even. So he turned the mug upside down. The creature slow but surly fell out and into Domino's hoof and landed with another squeak. This thing was about the same size as Domino's hoof and was built just like any other pony. It had a tiny light blue scarf to match it's blue mane which fell to the right side of this small pony's face. It also had tiny sharp fangs and vertical pupils like a cat. It was only until Domino spotted the wings on the sides of this thing till he knew what he was looking at. The wings on the sides of this creature weren't thick and feathered like pegasus wings, but thin and leathery like the wings of a bat. Domino was looking down at a tiny bat pony.
Domino has never seen a bat pony in person before. But he has heard that some ponies like to keep them as exotic pets. (Kinda like how some people have snakes for pets in real life) A quick lift of the tail later, he also found out it was a female. "Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!" She was very excited to see Domino apparently. Hopping up and down in place as she eagerly reached her tiny front hooves for his face even though she was being held 5 inches away from him and could just simply jump over and latch herself on to his muzzle.
She is adorable. There was no doubt about that. Domino caved in a second to this small bat ponies demands. So her held her close enough to his face so that she could reach whatever it was that she was reaching for.
Boop
"Bah!"
Domino pulled back. The boop was so sudden that he couldn't help but give that reaction. Frustrated, he rubbed his snout. Sternly looking at the tiny bat pony as if to say "I'll murder you if you do that again." This reaction was short-lived though, as the small bat pony just stared at Domino with its tongue out and making purring noises. She seemed to be quite proud of herself.
"Blep"
"Don't you blep me..."
Domino continued to rub his snout, still trying to figure out what to do in his current situation. She had on a tiny scarf that fit her perfectly so she had to belong to somepony. How she got in his house and decided to sleep in his coffee mug out of all things was no longer the issue at hoof. Now he just had to figure out who she belongs to.
Domino lived on the outskirts of Ponyville. So it's very hard trying to figure out who she came from when you lived on the outskirts of a town that wasn't even that big to begin with. There was one road that went by Domino's house. One direction going Southwest and the other direction going Northeast. Northeast was the way to Ponyville. Southwest was the Whitetail Woods but you had to trot for like an hour and a half to get there. He never went to the Whitetail Woods but he always believed that if he had the walk in that direction, he'd have to stay very close to the river because he didn't want some Diamond Dogs to snatch him up. He heard what happened to Rarity and he was sure that being gang-banged against your will was a lot less glamorous than it seemed at first. There was a very slim chance that somepony was leaving Ponyville going to the Whitetail Woods, so he just defaulted to thinking that somepony was leaving the Whitetail Woods going to Ponyville. So he figured he'd go there and start asking ponies have they seen the owner. It was coincidental too because Domino had to go there anyway and pick up more K-Cups.
Now that he had a plan, he had to figure out what to do with this small bat pony in the meantime. He didn't really know if it was okay to leave her alone in his house so he was kind of drawing a blank on what to do next. But then he remembered he had a hat rack near his front door and bat ponies usually hang themselves off the sides of things. That's what daytime television told him anyway. So he walked over to his entrance where the hat rack was and held the small bat pony up to it. And just like he saw on TV, the bat ponies instincts took over and she promptly hopped over to the nearest hook and proceeded to hang herself upside down by her tail. While still biting on her own hooves.
"There you go...."
"Squeak!"
Domino needed a temporary name to call this thing. He felt bad just calling it "Bat Pony" over and over again. That would be like calling Epic V and Aurora Dawn "Yellow Pony" and "Scouter Face" all the time. He wondered for a moment of what name he should come up with while the small bat pony was happily swinging back and forth, squeaking through her hooves.
fwoop
"Woah! What the hell?"
Out of nowhere, the tiny bat ponies fur just randomly stood on end. And Domino thought she was pretty fuzzy before, now she just looked like a cotton ball with a tail and the front half of a ponies muzzle.
"Aww! That was cute. And a little unexpected..." Domino said with a slight smile on his face and a hoof up to the side of his head still trying his best to comprehend what's happening.
"Hmm... Why don't I just call you Floof?" She seemed to like the name judging from her happy squeaking immediately after.
"Pretty fitting name right?" Domino said quickly scratching her ears for a moment causing her to nuzzle his hoof.
One thing was for certain, he couldn't spare much more brain power without caffeine in his system. It was nothing short of a miracle that he came up with the plan he just came up with. Coffee is to Domino as spinach is to Popeye. Or that's what he told himself at least. With that he walked away from Floof and moved to the other side of the room to continue making his coffee but not before washing it out first.
Sugar. Creamer. K-cup. Placed. Press. And in seconds, the coffee started pouring.
vrrrrrrwuuurrrr
Well that was strange. The sound that the coffee making machine was making was now making a totally different sound. "What the?" He quickly opened the the hatch of the coffee machine but everything seemed fine
WUUUUUUUU
It got louder and louder. He didn't know the source of the issue but he knew the issue was close. In a fit of panic Domino started to open all the cabinets below the sink, thinking the culprit could be down there. After opening swinging cabinet door, he found the source and instantly wishes he was wrong. Turns out that was the sound of solid steel bending and giving way from nothing but physical force. He was looking at Floof. The same Floof he just put on the hat rack a few feet behind him moments ago. She was biting the cord that was hooked up to the water pressure control valve. He doesn't know how she got there so fast. She must've trotted through his legs without him noticing.
You ever have one of those moments where time seemed to slow down right before shit hit the fan? So you pick up on some of the most mundane details of all time? Like right before you witness somepony step on a landmine, everything slows down to a crawl and you're vision gets substantially better so not only can you see the mine compress under the pressure of their hoof for a moment, you can also make out the last expression they had on their face before their entire being was blown asunder right before you as the chorus from Say Something by A Great Big World plays in the background? This was one of those times.
It was like Domino became the protagonist in an over the top action movie. Floof bent the pressure valve to the ponit of having hot and cold water jet out from the wall behind it like a fire hydrant in the dead of Summer. The very last thing Domino saw before he was propelled to the other side of the room like Daffy Duck in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, was Floof being blasted off to the coner of the cabinet with the happiest expression on her face. She seemed very proud of the fact that she almost murdered him with high water pressure. And then that was it. Just a loud thud and then darkness.
..............
vmmmm
..............
vmmmmm
"..Uuughhhh. ....My head..."
vmmmmm
Domino awoke to another sound he was too dazed to identify. Finding himself laying on the floor of a flooded kitchen. It took a few moments but he slowly and surely made his way to his hooves. He was clutching his head with one hoof and scanning the kitchen through squinting eyes.
vmmmmmmm
He could only make out rough shapes and bright sources of light. He was just hurled across the room into the wall across from the sink and collided with it head first after all. It's a miracle he didn't inherit severe brain damage from the impact. Shuffling his way back up on his four hooves in the shallow puddle of his kitchen, the image before him became clearer and clearer. His microwave is on. And something was inside.
"Gaahhhh... Shit.... What now...?"
The figure in the microwave wasn't an object. Even though that was a lot more preferable to what was actually inside it. Domino rubbed his eyes imminently after he finished rubbing the back of his head. His vision restored, he could see that Floof was inside the microwave. Not only was Floof inside the microwave, but she had somehow turned it on from the inside out. As ridiculous as that seemed, it definitely wasn't the current issue at hand. The microwave was giving off this very unsettling cracking sound while white lightning was a radiating off of Floof. A moment after he became aware of what was happening, his body was overcome with adrenaline. He was in no condition to run across the room. Hell, he was barely in any condition to stand. But he did both regardless of the circumstances.
He was witnessing a creature melt in his microwave right before his eyes. He had to save her. Even though the questions piling up in front of him seemed to grow and multiply with each passing minute he spent with this tiny bat pony. He made it to the door of the microwave in record time. But the only thing he could make out was her smiling and noming her hooves before everything went white.
1 hour and 37 minutes later
"Ow... Ow.... Ow...."
Every step he took with one of his right hooves hurt. In fact, putting any kind of pressure to most of the right side of Domino's body hurt.
"Ow.... Ow..... Ow...."
Domino was coming to the outside of Ponyville. He saw the tiny bridge in his view. He was taking his time limping there as the right side of his body was covered in soot, and he had a gash on the back of his head. Thankfully the wound stopped bleeding a few minutes ago. Now all that remained was a trail of dried-up blood going down the back of his head and stopping at the middle of his neck.
"Ow... Ow.... Ow...."
Domino had a shopping list in his hoodie pocket. Due to recent events, he had go shopping now. On top of his mane, curled into a ball was Floof. Fast asleep. Not a care in the world. Not only was there a flood in Domino's cottage now, the microwave exploded and made a hole in the side of his cottage. He had his sights set on Horsemart. A giant superstore for ponies. He also knew somepony who worked there who he was hoping to give him a pretty steep discount.
It wasn't going to be easy. The guy working there was kind of a dick. But it's one of the very few options he had.
Author's Note
Read and enjoy!
I hope I made you laugh!
Criticism is not only appreciated, it's heavily recommended!
Has Anypony Seen This Floof?
"Ow.... Ow.... Ow...."
Domino just kept trotting. He looked terrible. Limping, bloody and slightly annoyed, he caught the eye of many onlookers as he tried to make his way to Horsemart.
"Ow.... Ow.... Ow...."
A lot of mares seemed particularly worried. The stallions would just look on with mild concern whereas the mares looked on as if they were about to witness the death of a puppy. For as long as Domino could remember he would often get extra attention from mares. They would often smother him with compliments and favors he didn't ask for. Whether he was up for the attention or not really depended on his mood. Given the fact that he currently looks like he barely escaped a train wreck, he could tell he was going to get loads of it whether he wanted it or not. So it was in their best interest if Domino just rolled with whatever help was going to be tossed at him even though he was tired and groggy. But it was in HIS best interest to decline whatever help came his way. He still didn't know what the deal was with Floof. So Celestia forbid she was actually dangerous and a hazard to everypony. It was also possible that she was just misunderstood like a cute pitbull. Domino couldn't calm down until he was 100% sure of one or the other
He didn't have time to think about anything else before one of the faces of the mares of Ponyville totally obstructed his vision.
"Oh my Celestia! Domino! Are you ok?! What happened?!"
The mare that was obstructing his view with the worry levels of a mother thinking about her son was Roseluck. Roseluck was a mare with a pale yellow coat and a short and simple strawberry colored mane who ran the flower shop with three other mares; Daisy and Lily Valley.
"Hi Roseluck. What are you doing out here on the edge of town? The flower shop is nowhere around here." Domino's said between steps, doing his best to not verbally display the pain in his body in his voice. "I was on my way to Applejacks farm to see if I could pick up some manure. We just got some really exotic flower seeds and I want to grow them as soon as possible. But what happened to you?!" Roseluck was obviously very excited about the seeds but her concern for Domino would not let her show the tiniest bit of excitement on her face. She started circling Domino. Quickly trying to identify where he was hurt and what hurt him.
"No, Roseluck it's not really that-"
"By the goddesses, you're bleeding!"
"Yeah, but it's not really as bad-"
"You keep limping and you can't stand on all fours without holding your right front up!" She said, noticing that he was holding his hoof up while standing still.
"Roseluck calm down! It's not as bad as it seems and I can totally stand on all fours."
Roseluck narrowed her gaze at Domino. He was obviously lying and it was pretty annoying. Not that he was lying. He lies all the time. Everypony knew this. The annoying part for Roseluck specifically was that he was trying to shoo her away when she was trying help him. She'd have to use a tactic that she rarely ever uses to get her way for Dominoes best interest. As Domino tried to illustrate that he was fine by trying to stand on all fours but obviously putting more pressure on the left side of his body but the right, she sprung the pouty face on him.
"Bwut Dominoooo~~ I wanna make you better and you wunt let meeeee~"
Domino didn't know if all ponies except him just had the innate ability to inflate their eyes to the size of the moon and put on the most annoying whining voice of all time or if roseluck was just really really dramatic. She pleaded at him to at least let her look at his wounds. The 7th times the charm apparently because that's when she cracked him.
"Alright, Alright! You caught me. But just promise you'll make it quick? I have shopping to do and I want to get to the place before it closes."
What roseluck didn't know is that Horsemart is a convenient Walmart ripoff superstore on the side of Ponyville that the writer just made up in order to make the middle of the story work. It was open 24/7 so he just told her another lie just to get on with his day faster. What a dick.
Roseluck's eyes lit up like snow on the ground shimmering in the sunlight. She hastily tugged Domino twords the flower shop she just came from in an attempt to tend to his wounds.
Domino was sitting in a old wooden chair in the back of the flower shop with his head being moved around from side to side by the hooves of Roseluck and his front right hoof submerged in a bowl of ice sitting on a stool next to him. Roseluck found the source of the blood from earlier and wrapped a patch of gauze to the wound and tied it around his head with the rest of the gauze. Turns out Domino only sprained an ankle as far as his limping goes, so with part of his head taken care of she kept feeling around in Domino's mane for any other lumps or scratches. Daisy and Lily Valley were in the front of the shop tending to whatever customers might be out there.
"You were pretty banged up Domino. If you want I can give you a personal massage after I'm done checking for more lumps~"
Domino's eyes went wide. "Was this mare really offering me a happy ending at a time like this? Am I in a bad porno??" He thought to himself.
Attention from mares was frequent for Domino. But usually it would stay PG. Mares would often blush or, if they had the confidence of Rarity, flutter their eyelashes and insert a certain coo in their tone whenever they spoke to him. This mare just offered to give him a hoofjob right in the back of the flower shop. Which not only was he going to decline, but made him question how sanitary the back of the flower shop was.
"Uh... No thanks?" Domino said, flatley.
"Humff!" Roseluck pouted. "Suit yourself. But that offer is always on the table. Just so you know~"
Domino didn't say anything. He thought if he listed all the reasons why he didn't want to participate in that would just make the situation worse. So he just shut his mouth and let her tend to him. A few moments went by before roseluck decided to address the reasons behind his injuries again.
"So Domino you never really told me what happened to you." Roseluck stated while still feeling around in his mane. Domino had to make up a lie fast. There was no way in Equestria's green colorful horse utopia would Roseluck ever believe what actually happened. But at the moment he was drawing a blank. He couldn't sit there for long and not say anything either. So by default he started to mumble, hoping that something will come to him before it was obvious that he was mumbling.
"Well uhhh... Ya see the thing is-"
As if the horse gods of comedic timing we're watching over Domino and decided to screw with him, Roseluck came across a fluffy ball of mass that didn't match the color of Domino's jagged snow white/jet black mane. As soon as she touched it, the tiny mass lifted her tiny head up and looked down at Roseluck with a cute yawn.
"Squeak"
"AHHH!"
If that didn't serve as a cue that she was going to find out the truth soon, he wasn't sure what a cue was anymore. Her sudden scream was definitely loud enough for the other flower ponies to hear it from the front but nopony came back to check what happened. But given the request Domino was offered mere moments ago he came to the conclusion that maybe they thought their co-worker was getting laid and didn't want to interrupt.
Roseluck stumbled back a few steps, being caught off guard by her sudden discovery. Fluff stood up on top of Domino's head and stretched a few times before hopping out of his mane and into his lap. Domino sat completely still as all of this was happening out of fear. Roseluck watched on, her interest peeked. Fluff stared at Roseluck. Sniffing around in her general direction before she happily squeaked and threw her tiny hooves in the air towards her.
"Squeak! Squeak!"
"You. Are by far. THE CUTEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!" Roseluck squealed. She was so excited about this bat pony that she bounced in place with the widest grin on her muzzle. Domino was quite taken aback by the response. Roseluck leaped up to Domino and held her hoof over Floof. Just like a cat, she nuzzled the edge of Roseluck's hoof until Floof eventually clamped down on the side of it with her tiny bat pony teeth. Roseluck lifted her arm as Floof clung to the her hoof. Nibbling it intently.
"Oh my gosh Domino, I didn't know you had a pet bat pony!" Roseluck exclaimed as Floof made her way on top of Roseluck's arm with great determination.
"Heh heh..." Domino chuckled nervously while rubbing the side of his head with a hoof. "This thing just appeared in my house. It has a scarf around its neck so it must belong to somepony and I'm trying to find them."
"Squeak"
Roseluck cupped the tiny bat pony in both of her hooves as she held her close to her face and nuzzled her. Floof returned the action. "Oh! She's so cute! You should have just kept her."
"Oh the things you don't know..." Domino thought to himself before removing his other hoof from the bowl and prying Floof from Roseluck and placing her back in his mane.
"Yea she's adorable. But the thought of her owner frantically looking around trying to find her would just destroy my conscience everyday I had her."
This was a lie. Originally Domino was going to keep Floof. Until his life was in danger that is. Upon hearing Domino's explanation, she began to praise him for his noble and selfless lie.
"Oooooo~ Not a selfish bone in your body~ I bet you'll be so good as a father of five foals~~" Roseluck batted her eyelashes like she was trying to blow him out of the chair with them.
"Roseluck..." Domino chimed in with a serious tone.
"Okay okay" Roseluck said, defeated.
"And ask for your question... I tripped on the stairs on my porch"
Domino never thought he'd have to pull a 'I'm the victim of a domestic dispute' style excuse. In fact the instant it left his mouth he was sure he was caught.
"...You tripped on your porch?"
"Yes..."
"..."
"..."
"...Well that must have been a pretty nasty fall then."
"PRAISE CELESTIA ROSELUCK IS DUMB" Is what echoed on the inside of Domino's head. He swore he even heard fireworks go off.
With all that finally established, Roseluck finished tending to Domino. Thanks to that bowl of ice, Domino wasn't limping is obviously as he was before and the gauze was holding up nicely.
"Domino before you go you want some lemonade?" Roseluck asked as Domino was putting on his hoodie. He got his head through the hole and then took her up on her offer. She brought him from the back of the flower shop to the front where there was a serving tray with nicely assorted glasses of lemonade on them off to the side. Each complete with their own wedge on the side of the glass.
Domino's mouth watered at the sight and he wasn't even thirsty. Roseluck handed him a glass but right before he was about to take a sip, Floof slid down the front of his muzzle like it was a slide in a fillies playground and fell right into the glass. She squeaked as she submerged and started drinking the lemonade from the inside of the glass.
Domino looked on as the flower ponies chuckled at him. He shot a stern look at Floof but she was too enthralled in the lemonade to care. Domino turned towards the flower ponies.
"Thanks for everything ladies, I got to get going now. Bye."
"Bye Dominooooo~"
Even though the flower ponies tried to make the goodbye seem extra friendly, as he watched Floof suck up the lemonade, it felt like a really weird trot of shame.
Author's Note
Constructive criticism is very much appreciated!
