The Green Room
a fanfic by Erin Mills
"My Little Pony" ©2017 Hasbro
“Oh good lord,” groaned the Equestria Girls Rarity. On a comfortable loveseat opposite her, her pony counterpart looked up from the needlepoint she was doing.
“Something wrong, darling?” she asked.
EG Rarity held up her phone. “Oh, just yet another fandom argument over whether our show is ‘canon’ or not. Honestly, first they complain that we even exist, then they complain that the writers won’t commit one way or the other when they decided to separate the two shows so people who didn’t like ours even as a concept didn’t have to worry about it. Then when the writers do commit, by having the Sirens’ banishment appear in your show, no less, they complain that doesn’t count because it didn’t explicitly show them ending up in the world of our show. Then the writers come right out and say ‘Equestria Girls is canon’ and they’re still bending over backwards to justify their hatred of our show.”
“Sounds like they’re fixin’ for some serious back pain from all that goalpost movin’ to me,” said Pony Applejack, grabbing a Danish from the craft services table.
“Eh, you can’t ever please fans,” said EG Rainbow Dash. She was lying on one of the couches in the Green Room, playing a video game on a portable console. “They could get an episode of FiM where Sunset is shown coming through the portal, spends the whole episode having an adventure, reunites with Celestia, apologizing for what she did prior to the first movie, and outright saying ‘I’m going back to the human world now’ and leaves back through the portal at the end, with them seeing her come out at Canterlot High, and they’d STILL find a reason to declare it ‘non-canon.’”
“They’d probably just call it pandering to the EG fans,” Pony Pinkie Pie said. She was playing Jenga with her EG self, except the blocks were wafer cookies instead of wood. She reached down to the bottom layer, which only had two cookies, then quick as a flash, poked one of them with her hoof. One of the cookies shot out from the other side and the entire tower teetered, then stabilized.
The fact that the remaining cookie was nowhere near the center of the tower was considered irrelevant for the moment. Pony Pinkie looked up at EG Pinkie with a smug grin on her face. “Your move, me.”
“I blame Star Wars,” said EG Twilight Sparkle from the corner. She had been reading a book on her tablet, but the conversation had caught her attention.
“You blame Star Wars for everything,” EG Rainbow said, not looking up from her game.
EG Twilight paused and considered. “You know, you’re right, I do. But it’s doubly true in this situation. Star Wars was kind of the first really big fandom. Oh sure, you could argue that Star Trek was, given it came out first and had fanzines and such, but in terms of fandom in the modern sense, Star Wars kind of set the bar.”
“And?” EG Rainbow asked.
“Well, originally, all Star Wars had was three movies, an original novel, two cartoon series, and that holiday special everyone likes to make fun of. And for the longest time, that was it. And from there came all the Expanded Universe stuff: the Thrawn trilogy, all the books and comics and so on. And that was fine. There weren’t any more major canonical entries so you didn’t really have to worry about anything you did in the books and comics getting contradicted later.
“But then the prequels came, and the TV shows that spun out of that. And suddenly, everybody’s trying to backfill the holes that got created from them. And that’s how we got the concept of tiered canon. Fortunately Lucasfilm stepped in to help regulate things and more or less keep everybody working on all this stuff on the same page, but by the time the Disney buyout happened, and they wanted to make more movies the whole thing was so huge, that the best thing to do without alienating all the people who didn’t know or care about all the extra stuff was to just clear the board and start over fresh, re-incorporating elements from the EU that fans really loved as they went. “
“So what’s the point?” asked Pony Applejack. “I’m not exactly seein’ where your goin’ with this?”
“My point is that because Lucasfilm kept such a tight leash on all the Star Wars Expanded Universe stuff for so long, fans have begun to get the expectation that ANY property spread across multiple forms of media is going to have the same strict adherence. Remember how the fans reacted when the comics first started and weren’t fitting seamlessly into FiM?”
“Don’t remind me,” Pony Rarity said. “The sheer lack of logic and understanding of the difference between making a TV show and publishing a comic was ridiculous. It was like they’d never read a licensed comic before now.”
“Exactly,” EG Twilight said. “Most of them probably hadn’t and didn’t realize that prior to Lucasfilm stepping in to put the reins on Star Wars material, most licensed comics just did whatever they wanted and didn’t really worry about what their source material was doing, unless whoever held the license stepped in and specifically said no to any given story. But I’m getting off track.
“My point is that thanks to Star Wars, any property with a sizable or vocal fanbase is going to have those fans who insist everything link together seamlessly, regardless if there’s any real reason for it all to do so. That’s why I blame Star Wars.”
“Wow,” EG Rainbow said, sitting up. “That was some Grade-A, 100% pure uncut nerd right there.”
EG Twilight blushed. “Sorry. Got kinda carried away there.”
EG Fluttershy, who had been knitting in another corner of the room spoke up. “So, you’re saying our fans are… bad? Sorry, I think I lost track of your train of thought.”
“No, no, no! Of course, the fans aren’t bad.” EG Twilight waved a hand.
“Unless you count the fact that most of the ones who aren’t in the target demographic got their start on 4chan,” EG Rainbow muttered under her breath.
EG Twilight shot her a dirty look. “What I mean is, that no property is going to satisfy all the fans all the time. I was just trying to illustrate how fandom in general got this way, or at least, my theory on it.”
“Fans are mostly okay by me,” said Pony Applejack. “I just wish they’d stop complainin’ so loudly. Or at least, once they’ve said their piece, just leave it at that. Ain’t like the show staff is gonna overly kowtow to them as far as the big story beats are concerned.”
“And that doesn’t even count all of the fans who don’t say anything one way or another!” exclaimed EG Pinkie. “You know, the kids, their parents, the people who watch the show but don’t really get involved with the fandom. We must be doing something right if FiM’s still going after seven years and EG’s been around for almost five. Do you know how rare that is for something based on a toy line?”
“That is true,” said Pony Fluttershy, who had been sitting quietly next to her EG counterpart. “Over at Mattel, Monster High got rebooted and they started about the same time we did.”
“How are they doing over there after the reboot, by the way? Has anyone talked to them?” EG Rarity asked.
“They seem mostly the same,” Pony Fluttershy answered. “They’re slowly reintroducing all the characters in their new webseries. A few things have changed.”
“Has Ghoulia said anything about whether they’re bringing her back yet?” EG Fluttershy asked.
“I don’t think so,” Pony Fluttershy said. “But I just know a couple of the Monster High girls in passing. I think Sunset’s actually friends with a couple of them.”
“Speaking of Sunset,” EG Rainbow stretched and walked over the craft services table, grabbing a can of soda. “Where is she? Her and Princess Twilight left an hour ago!”
“Meeting with Meghan, I think,” said EG Twilight. She had gone back to reading her book. “I think they’re ironing out the shooting schedule for Season 8 of FiM and whatever they’re planning for us now that we’ve wrapped on the new series of shorts.”
The door to the Green Room opened, admitting Pony Rainbow Dash and EG Applejack. Both were chortling with mischief.
“What did you do?” Pony Rarity asked, her tone suspicious.
“Oh nothin’ much,” EG Applejack said, trying to look nonchalant and failing miserably.
“We only pulled the best prank ever on Celestia!” Pony Rainbow Dash snickered.
“Which one?” EG Twilight quirked an eyebrow. “You know what Ishi said about pranking the Principal after those photos got leaked to TMZ.”
“Nah, nothing like that,” said Pony Rainbow. “We just switched out the cherry cordials Princess Celestia normally gets in her dressing room with ones where the cherries are replaced by habaneros. She ran screaming for the kitchen looking for milk!”
The other ponies and girls in the room exchanged looks. Well, except for the Pinkies who were laughing their respective ass and flank off.
“Wow, you just wanted to call down the thunder didn’t you?” EG Twilight said. “I wouldn’t want to be you when Princess Luna finds out.”
Pony Rainbow and EG Applejack looked at each other and burst out laughing again.
“Who d’ya think helped us do it?” EG Applejack snorted. After a moment, the other girls and ponies joined in the laughter.
“Anyway,” Pony Rainbow said, wiping her eyes. “Anybody seen Twi – er – Princess Twilight?”
“We think she and Sunset are in a meeting with Meghan,” EG Fluttershy answered.
“Naw, that can’t be right.” EG Applejack pointed a thumb over her shoulder. “We just saw her go into Big Jim’s office down the hall.”
At this revelation, both Rainbows looked at each other and gave identical sinister grins.
“Well, there’s one sure fire way to find out where they are,” said Pony Rainbow.
“Rainbow Dash, don’t you dare! Either of you!” Pony Rarity walked over and looked her pegasus friend in the eye. “You know how much it upsets her.”
“Yeah, but it’s the quickest way. Besides when we say it, she knows we don’t mean it.”
“Nonetheless, I think we can wait for them to get back without – “
“Twicorn's the worst thing to ever happen to this fanchise!” shouted EG Rainbow Dash, interrupting Pony Rarity.
There was an explosion of purple light and a voice that sounded like the judgment of God echoed through the room.
“WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHERBUCKERS SAID IT?!”
Princess Twilight Sparkle was in the middle of the room, breathing heavily and very much not happy. Pony Rarity rolled her eyes and pointed at the Dashes.
“They did... again.”
Princess Twilight whirled to where both Dashes were laughing at their own alleged brilliance. She took a deep breath and hissed it out through her teeth.
“You know, Sunset and I were on our way back. Or someone could have called her, and we could have told you that. It's getting old. It was old about three years ago.”
The door to the green room opened. “Okay,” Sunset Shimmer said, walking in. “Who said it?”
“The Rainbows,” Princess Twilight replied. She stalked over to the craft services table, levitating a pastry. “I'd yell at them some more, but what would be the point?”
“The welcome release you feel from throwing an epic hissy fit which is only surpassed by the sweet release of an orgasm after a two hour session of violent angry sex?” EG Fluttershy looked up from her knitting at the various expressions of confusion, disgust, shock, and sudden arousal (that was Pony Rarity, surprisingly) that met her. “What?”
“Aaaanyway,” Sunset said, holding up a clipboard. “Got the latest. Season 8 of FiM is going to start shooting next week. As for us on the EG front, we're on 'will notify' for anything new for our show.”
The Equestria Girls cast groaned.
“Fer cryin' out loud,” EG Applejack complained. “We make four movies, then we get three TV specials, and now it's like all they wanna do with us is make shorts. Not that the shorts are bad or anythin', but it'd be nice to get to do somethin' substantial again.”
“I think Hasbro's waiting on what the Christmas sales of the new doll line look like before they make any major decisions beyond the new shorts,” Sunset said. “Or that's what Meghan implied, anyway. Obviously, she can't say anything thanks to the boys in the boardroom.”
“So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?” EG Rainbow asked. “I'm getting tired of showing up here and spending 12 hours a day in this room and not getting called for anything. I've got better things to do that I could be not getting paid for.”
Sunset Shimmer looked back down at the clipboard and grimaced. “Well, that's the other news. New batch of fic jobs came in if anybody's interested.”
“FiM or EG?” asked Pony Fluttershy.
“Decent mix this time.” Sunset flipped a couple of pages on the clipboard. “About fifty-fifty.”
“How many of them are porn?” Pony Applejack asked, frowning.
“You mean clop?” Sunset paged back through the notes.
“I mean porn. I don't care what cute name they wanna put on it. Ya know those jobs ain't worth what they're payin'.”
Sunset nodded. “Yeah, I know. Not a lot of those here, fortunately. Two or three. Um, lessee here... EG Rainbow, there's one here with your name on it, if you want it.”
EG Rainbow sighed. “Lesbian?”
“Yep.”
“Of course. What's the kink factor?”
“Hrmmm... light. Pretty vanilla, actually. A little spanking, strap on, nothing too extreme.”
“Who's the partner?”
Sunset peered closer at the form. “Um... looks like... Miss Cheerilee? Huh. That's a new one. 'Library Discipline,' it's called.”
EG Rainbow got up off the couch and walked over. She looked over Sunset's shoulder at the form. “Eh. Standard fantasy. Interesting pairing, though. Lemme see how much it pays.”
She scanned the form for the appropriate box. Her eyebrows went up. “Wow. Usually it's the really kinky ones that pay this much. Well... yeah. Not enough for me to do it myself, but I think I could do this as a Mimic job. That cool?”
“I don't see anything indicating they want you in person exclusively, so yeah, that should be fine.”
“Awesome.” EG Rainbow crossed the room to where a keypad was on one of the walls near the corner. She typed in four digit code. Part of the wall rotated, revealing a tall, gleaming cylinder. A small stand was next to it with an odd, futuristic looking headset. She put the headset on and flipped a small switch on the side. The headset illuminated with a neon green light. She touched a button on the stands and closed her eyes.
There was a low rumble and hum and more green light flashed from around seams in the metal of the cylinder. After about thirty seconds, the light faded and a door in the cylinder hissed open, revealing another EG Rainbow Dash. She blinked a few times, then stepped out.
“Mimic job?” the clone asked the original.
“Yep,” EG Rainbow said, putting the headset down. “Miss Cheerilee in the library.”
“That's actually new.”
“I know. And not really sleazy either. Sunset's got the details.”
The clone nodded. The two high fived, then the clone walked out of the green room, pausing to grab the fic form from Sunset on the way.
“I still don't get how y'all are fine with that,” said Pony Applejack.
“Fine with what?” EG Rainbow asked.
“That! The Mimicker! It don't bother none of you that thing clones us for the express purpose of doin' porn, then when the shoot's over, they just – “ She threw her front hooves up. “Poof! Gone! Like they never existed and we just cash the checks afterwards! Don't seem right.”
“Better'n doin' it ourselves,” said her human counterpart. Pony Applejack got up and turned to face her.
“How can you say that? It's literally makin' sex dolls of us. Sex dolls that walk around and talk!”
“An' you're a talkin' pony.”
Pony Applejack blinked. “What's that got to do with anything?”
“Look, I don't wanna bring up another existential crisis on top of the one the Mimicker already makes – “
“Did she just use the word 'existential?'” Pony Rarity whispered to her counterpart.
“But,” EG Applejack continued. “Let's not forget that we're fictional characters here. Even if we turn down one of these porn fic jobs, the story still gets written. If there's a way we can get paid for 'em without actually havin' to do the stuff in those stories, hell, yeah, I say we should go for it.”
Pony Applejack looked at her human self in astonishment, then closed her mouth and walked away. EG Applejack shrugged and walked back toward Sunset.
“Any non-porn jobs in there I can grab?” she asked.
Sunset rifled through the pages. “Only ship fics. Three of them.”
EG Applejack groaned. “Oh for the love of Pete, that's all there ever are for me. Who is it this time? Rarity or Rainbow Dash?”
“One of each and …” Sunset trailed off and blushed. “One with me.”
“Well, that's a little variety at least.”
“No kidding,” Sunset said. “If I have to do another ship fic with Twilight, I'm gonna scream.”
“Hey!” EG Twilight yelled from across the room. “What's wrong with me?”
“Not you, personally,” Sunset said. “Just tired of you being the one I'm paired with all the time in these stories. I mean, you're a great kisser and all, it's just familiar now, if you get my drift?”
“I suppose,” EG Twilight said. Princess Twilight chose that moment to speak.
“And what about when you're paired with me?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Sorry, Princess, same thing. There's only so many times you can be adorably awkward around me before it becomes predictable.”
“Well, since today seems to be the day we're being honest about our feelings,” said EG Rarity. “I've decided to not do ship fics anymore.”
“Really?” EG Fluttershy said. “Why?”
“Oh, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with a nice romance,” EG Rarity answered, walking over to the coffee maker and pouring a cup. “But much like Sunset and Twilight, you can only do so many of these kinds of stories before it becomes predictable. And there's just so many of them now. Silly ones, saucy ones, dark ones. It gets tiring. And I, for one, am ready for a rest. Give me a good adventure story any day.”
“Not much luck there,” Sunset said, paging back through the clipboard. “Looks like all the non-ship stories for us are... oh, god. Anon-A-Miss fics. A dozen of them.”
The Equestria Girls all groaned.
“How many of them involve you trying to kill yourself this time?” asked Princess Twilight.
“Ten,” Sunset snorted after thumbing through the forms. “Call me crazy, but wasn't that comic story more or less ignored because it was just a reworking of 'Ponyville Confidential?'”
“I seem to recall that,” said EG Applejack. “Dunno what caused the sudden explosion of fics based on it.”
“Who can figure fans?” EG Twilight asked. “I've been crunching numbers for months and I still haven't figured out what will make them happy.”
“Silly Twilight,” said EG Pinkie. “You can't make all the fans happy. You'll just drive yourself crazy. The best anyone can do is to keep making what they like to make, and hope that lots of other ponies and people like it as much as they do. And if they don't, so what? Even if one other pony or person likes what we do, or what other fans do, that's worth something isn't it? And if some of them don't like EG, or a type of story, or fan art, or whatever, that's normal! You can't please everyone, because if something ever pleased everyone, then that would be the only thing anyone would ever watch or read! And how boring would that be?”
“Pretty boring, me!” Pony Pinkie piped up. “So we say, let the fans be fans. They all like something about us or they'd just leave, right? We may not make all of them happy all the time, but sooner or later, there's gonna be something for everypony to enjoy!”
There was a moment of silence as the assembled ponies and humans considered all this.
“Reckon that's true,” said Pony Applejack. “But I still ain't doin' porn. Mimicked or otherwise.”
“And I'm not doing ship fics,” EG Rarity added.
“Fair enough.” Sunset idly paged back through the fic forms. She stopped and looked at one with a thoughtful expression. “Hey, one of these actually looks interesting.”
“What is it?” EG Fluttershy asked. “One of the Anon-A-Miss stories?”
“Yeah, but it's different. It takes place after the end of the story. No suicidal thoughts, no melodrama, just the six of us talking it out.”
“Apologies and all that crap?” EG Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yeah, but it's not all tears and blubbering. It's... quieter. Low-key.”
“Sounds like an ideal take on the concept to me,” said Pony Rarity. She looked over at EG Rarity. “And it's not a ship fic.”
“Shoot, sounds interesting to me.” EG Applejack walked over and held out a hand. Sunset passed her the clipboard. “Wow, and I'm not the bull-headed heavy this time?”
Her eyes skimmed the page, then she looked up, a huge grin on her face. “We have to do this one!”
“It's that good?” EG Rarity said, walking over. She was followed by EG Fluttershy and EG Rainbow. They looked over EG Applejack's shoulder.
“Wow.” EG Fluttershy whispered.
“This is actually pretty cool,” EG Rainbow admitted.
“And there's a bit here for you too, Twilight!” EG Rarity called the bespectacled girl over.
“Really?” EG Twilight walked over and looked the form over. “That's not a bad framing device actually.”
“So,” said Sunset, picking up a cookie from the craft services table. “Do you wanna do it?”
The six girls looked up at her and smiled. “Uh-huh” came six voices in unison.
Sunset looked over at the pony versions of her friends. Princess Twilight smiled at her, followed closely by the other ponies.
“I think we've got things covered here,” she said.
Sunset returned the grin and walked over. “All right, girls, let's go make 'em cry.”
Author's Note
Don't take any of the criticisms of fandom in this story too harshly. I wrote this out of a moment of frustration, but I also figured it might be mildly amusing to see what our favorite ponies, ponies-turned-humans, and humans might think of some of the stuff that the fanbase debates constantly.
Okay now that this is taken care of, back to hashing out the next installment of "Repercussions." Hope you enjoyed!
