Mane 6 Mistletoe Simulator

by CategoricalGrant

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Romance, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 8185

Ever wanted to meet your favorite pony (or two...or more) under the mistletoe? Here's your chance!

You are a relatively new arrival to Ponyville, but you've made one friend there who's made all the difference. Now, she's coming over to exchange gifts and celebrate! Too bad you've forgotten to take down your mistletoe...

The fourth story in my December Christmas Carol writing project: this is based off...I dunno...Justin Bieber's 'Mistletoe', I guess? (I just thought this was a fun idea to write, sue me :P)

Be warned...there is PG content within! :rainbowwild:

Cover art by Skyline19

EDIT: Featured less than 6 hours after publishing, on 12/12/17!
EDIT: 2nd Place Featured 12/12/17!
EDIT: Now with an AUDIO READING from LotusMoon!

Published 2017-12-12 10:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-12 10:10:06 UTC

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Princess Twilight Sparkle’s broad grin meets you as you open the door. She’s wearing a purple and black-striped scarf and carrying a little package in her magic.

“Hello Twilight!” you greet happily, stepping aside and waving with a hoof to open the way for her.

Twilight walks in, stomping the snow off of her boots and taking them off gently. “It’s great to see you,” she tells you, wrapping a hoof around your neck in a hug.

You return the hug, inhaling her scent. She smells softly metallic, a feature no doubt due to the fact she lives in a giant, crystal castle. After a long several seconds, you let her go.

“This is for you,” she says, placing the package in your hoof with her magic.

“Oh, really?” you gently say, smiling softly. It was a gift exchange and it made perfect sense that she’d bring something for you. “Can I open it?”

“Of course!”

You make your way over to the couch and sit down, cradling the package gently. Twilight follows and takes a seat next to you. You rip open a corner of the packaging and notice a piece of binding. You look up at Twilight, who is looking at you with sparkly-eyed anticipation and a wide grin. “Oh…a book.”

“It is!” Twilight proudly declares as you remove the rest of the wrapping paper. “I know you mentioned that you were interested in historical trade patterns between Equestria and Griffonstone, and Quantitative Easing’s compendium on the subject is second to none!”

“G…Great,” you choke through a fake smile. You of course never said anything of the like to Twilight, who was probably confusing you with some dignitary she met at a conference. Not that you’d ever say anything to her, of course. “I’ll put it in my reading pile right now,” you say, placing it on a stack of books beside the couch. “Are you ready for your gift?”

“I am!” she says, sitting up straight and wiggling her body in anticipation.

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, Twilight,” you say, popping out a little gift for her from behind the couch.

Twilight, a huge smile across her face, nabs the thin little package in her magic and opens it, revealing an intricately designed wooden bookmark, complete with little, carved snowflakes and an image of her old library.

“It’s not much,” you say as she rolls it over to examine it, “but it’s flexible so it won’t break, and made of pine so it smells good. Plus, I thought it looked pretty.”

“I love it,” she says, smiling sweetly at you. “I use plenty of bookmarks at the library, but…now I have a personal one to use on the books I read in bed.”

“You’re welcome,” you tell her, tilting your head and beaming back at her. “I’m glad you like it, I thought it may have been too little.”

She doesn’t reply, her eyes fixated above you. Confused, you furrow your brow and look up above you, revealing a dangling piece of mistletoe. Then you look back at her in abject horror.

Twilight, blushing, lets out a nervous giggle and looks at the floor.

“That is awkward,” you apologize. “A friend of mine put it up at the party I threw last week in a wacky scheme to…let me just take that down-“

You’re interrupted by Twilight’s hoof on your chest. Moving in quickly, she plants a warm kiss on your cheek and pulls away to look at you, sitting much closer than before.

You look at her with wide eyes, not able to formulate much of a response.

She gasps suddenly, putting a hoof over her mouth. “Oh no, did I mess up the tradition? Did I make you feel uncomfortable? I’m sorry, I’ve been reading these holiday-themed romance novels at home recently- n-not that we’re romantic or anything, but- you know! And I saw the mistletoe, and you looked kinda cute, or, n-not cute, and-“

You lean forward and press your lips to Twilight’s cheek, silencing her. “You worry too much, Twilight.”

After a moment’s consideration, she giggles. “I guess I do. Can that kiss count as a second gift for you? I may be a Princess, but I work at a library and give out books as a job, so…I kinda feel bad.”

You lean in boldly and place a very quick kiss on the top of Twilight’s horn. “Sure, but only if we can snuggle and read about the history of Griffin trade together.”

“Deal!” she cries with a little too much enthusiasm. “Still, I’m a princess and I have my own demands.”

“At your service, Your Highness,” you say, bowing your head slightly in mock reverence.

“First, we have do our reading under the mistletoe.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Second, you have to bring me some hot chocolate first.” She punctuates her order with a peck on your lips.

You really don’t want to get up, but she’s a Princess and if you play your cards right you might be able to squeeze yet another kiss out of tonight. Groaning, you stand up and mosey on into the attached kitchen.

“Extra marshmallows!” Twilight calls. “While you’re working, I’ll flip us to the most interesting chapter on early modern era total factor productivity!”

Author's Note

If anyone knows which one of my stories the Economist OC 'Quantitative Easing' is originally from you receive 7x10^34 bonus points.

Fluttershy

“…Woah, Fluttershy, are you alright?”

The poor little pegasus standing on your doorstep was bundled up like a marshmallow, shivering profusely. What little of her face was exposed was bright red from the wind, and she let out a series of very feminine sneezes that obstructed her ability to reply.

“Here, just come in,” you say, pulling her quickly inside and shutting the door. She fumbles around in a weak attempt to take off her winter clothes, and you soon find yourself helping her.

“Th-thank you,” she stutters, sneezing again as you take off her hat.

You knew Fluttershy was both physically and emotionally fragile, of course, but this was ridiculous. It was only just below freezing outside and her cottage was less than a ten minute walk away. “Alright, that’s it. No more visits for the rest of the winter- I’ll come to see you at your place, okay?”

The now nude Fluttershy nods softly, still shivering and largely unable to speak.

“Okay, come on,” you say, leading her to your fireplace. She collapses onto her haunches and you wrap a blanket around her tightly. “I’ll be right back.”

You return a moment later with a steaming mug of hot chocolate, placing it gently next to her. She picks it up apprehensively and takes a sip. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Fluttershy. Are you warm enough?”

“Mmmhmm,” she hums in affirmation, scooting over toward you and giving you a little nuzzle, which you return. “I-I brought your present. It’s in my coat.”

You smile, briefly running a hoof over Fluttershy’s mane to smooth out the damage caused by her hat before getting up and retrieving the present. It’s a small, round tube, which you observe closely as you return to the fire to sit with Fluttershy again. “Can I open it?”

“Absolutely!”

Inside the tube is a scroll-like piece of paper. Unrolling it, you find a watercolor painting of your quaint little home, covered in snow. “Fluttershy…did you do this?”

She nods. “I’m not the best at painting,” she says quietly, “so it took me a long time to make. Do you like it?”

“It’s beautiful…and still a little wet. Were you making this outside now? Is that why you were so cold?”

Fluttershy hides behind her mane. “J-just the finishing touches.”

“This is an incredible gift, Fluttershy. I’m going to have it framed as soon as I have the chance.” You lean in to nuzzle the top of her head affectionately.

“Anything for you after you gave every one of my animals their own Hearth’s Warming-themed snack packs,” she said. “They were all so happy! I just couldn’t…EEP!”

Fluttershy begins to shake, looking up at the ceiling where you had left some mistletoe hanging from a prior engagement.

“Oh, I forgot to take that down,” you say nonchalantly. “I’ll get that.”

“W-wait,” Fluttershy whispers.

Pausing, you turn toward her again. “Yes?”

“M-maybe d-don’t? I should be more… assertive and have more fun.” She looks back up at you, her confidence seemingly growing. “Harry the Bear always tells me that before he hibernates for the winter.”

“So…” you continue, a lump forming in your throat and heat rushing to your cheeks as you realize what’s going on.

“So, um…” Fluttershy lets out a timid squeal of fear, drawing back again.

You sit down and put your hoof under Fluttershy’s chin, bringing her eyes up to meet yours.

“I-I’m very nervous,” she chokes out, her mane still disheveled and her coat still cool from the biting wind.

You shake your head. “You know what, Fluttershy? We can make our own house rules about mistletoe. How about the tradition in this house is that ponies hug under the mistletoe?”

Immediately, her ears perk up and her eyes shimmer with confidence. “I can do that!”

You spread your front hooves out wide in a beckoning of sorts, and Fluttershy closes the gap to wrap her hooves around your midsection.

Silently, you sit and hug Fluttershy close. She still needs the warmth, it seems, and nestles closer and closer to you with each passing moment. You tighten your grip around her, giving her a gentle squeeze every so often.

Fluttershy turns her head to rest under your chin, and you hold onto each other for almost a minute as the logs in the fireplace pop gently.

As soon as you feel Fluttershy begin to pull away, you lean down and give Fluttershy a peck on the top of her head.

She immediately gasps, placing a hoof over her mouth, and within seconds her entire face morphs to become bright red.

“Tricked you,” you say with a dastardly smile. “Now, was that something to have been nervous about?”

Fluttershy’s eyes scan you, and she lowers her hoof away from her muzzle. “No,” she says, a smile slowly beginning to show itself on her face. “It really wasn’t.”

“Harry the Bear would be proud,” you tell her approvingly. “I do have one favor to ask of you, though.”

“Yes?”

“Never, ever tell your friend Discord that I did that, or I’m a dead pony.”

Author's Note

W H O L E S O M E

And then you contracted a deadly form of bird flu that displays hybrid bear/mouse antigens that make vaccine design almost impossible.

Pinkie Pie

Pinkie Pie leaps on you as soon as you open the door. “HAPPY HEARTH’S WARMING, BESTY-BEST FRIENDY-FRIEND!”

You stumble and almost fall under her momentum, but catch yourself. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Pinkie! I’m glad you could come.”

Pinkie doesn’t release her grip on you, and by some miracle you manage to shut your door with a back hoof. Then, you’re able to give the hug your full attention for a while.

Pinkie Pie sighs happily into your neck. “You’re warm and soft and you smell like pine,” she tells you matter-of-factly, as if it was a sentence that she said every day.

“I put up my tree today, I guess that would do it.” The You-Pinkie Pie complex slowly migrates over to the couch, where you take a seat and Pinkie Pie finally removes herself from you and takes off her hat and scarf.

Pinkie Pie turns her backside towards you and rummages around in her saddlebags, obviously hiding her movements. After a few moments, she pauses and then spins around in a whirlwind motion, pushing a still-steaming pie towards you. “Here’s your present! It’s a pie!”

“I can see that,” you say, taking the pie from her and eyeing the filling with curiosity. “What’s in it?”

“It’s my special holiday pie- just for you! It’s a secret recipe!” She lets out a squee and shoots you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen.

The filling looks like some sort of cream or egg-based substance, but it’s unlike anything you’ve seen before. Sticking your muzzle above the pie, you breathe in and are immediately hit with the heavy floral bouquet of cardamom. “Oh man, that smells incredible,” you practically moan.

“Just wait until you taste it!” she squeals anticipatorily.

You place the pie down on the table next to the couch. “Can I go get a knife and fork now, or should I wait and give you your gift first?”

Pinkie Pie doesn’t respond- she’s looking upwards at something above your head. She lets out a cutting gasp which ends as quickly as it begins, and soon enough she’s smiling just as happy as ever.

“Huh?” you look upward and notice some mistletoe above your head. “Oh, shoot. I forgot to take-“

“MISTLETOE! Fun!” Pinkie’s hooves wrap around your neck and she presses her lips confidently against yours, the force of her impact pushing you back against the seat of the couch.

Your entire body freezes, having been completely caught off-guard by the kiss. Pinkie’s kiss is soft but firm, and at this distance you can smell all of the spices she had been using to bake your gift earlier in the day.

The kiss goes on and on, and after a few moments you realize that Pinkie Pie is easing you into it. First she lowers her fluffy barrel to rest against yours, then tightens her grip around your neck. Finally, as soon as you begin to show signs of a response, she deepens the kiss, locking her lips against yours and humming happily. Weakly, you manage to run a hoof up and down the silky coat on her back.

Just as soon as you start to get the hang of kissing her, she pulls away from the now slightly wet kiss but keeps the tip of her muzzle against yours. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to put up mistletoe!? It’s so fun! I would have brought lip gloss and everything! Wait- was it because it was a surprise? I love surprises! That makes it even more fun! Forget I said anything, I’m glad you didn’t tell me!” She runs a hoof through your mane, rubbing your head with it and nuzzling your muzzle aggressively. “And you were a super good kisser! You didn’t try to pull away or scream or anything- so fun!”

You merely gasp in response, babbling a few meaningless syllables. Closing your eyes, you take a deep breath in, then let it out, before opening your eyes and saying the only words that your mind can form. “D-do you, uh, want your gift now?”

“Ok!” she says, her big blue eyes shimmering in ecstasy as they look into yours. “But, we’re still under the mistletoe.” Her expression reforms into a half-pout, half-smile. “Don’tcha want another kiss first?”

You spew a few incoherent words again before clearing your throat. “I mean, uh, yeah, sure. Y’know, if you’re offering.”

Rainbow Dash

Rainbow Dash is floating outside your door with a characteristically cocky expression on her face, the beating of her wings clearing the air around her of the thick snowflakes that are falling.

“Well, hello Rainbow Dash!” you say with a smile. “You’re looking particularly awesome today.”

“I know I am,” she replies without a second thought, brushing her way past you roughly and into your home.

You smile and shake your head, closing the door gently. “Well, it’s nice to see you.”

She lands and raises an eyebrow, smiling cockily. “I’d be glad to see me too.”

You furrow your brow and glare at her, somewhat disillusioned.

Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes, her smile softening. “And it’s pretty good to see you too.”

You close the gap between you and give her a hug before she can pull away. She grunts in annoyance, but you notice that she leans into you anyway.

You nuzzle her mane before she pulls back. “Bleh,” she growls, sticking out her tongue at you. “I get it.”

You frown sadly. “C’mon, why don’t you like hugs?”

“Because they’re lame,” she scoffs, trotting over to sit on your couch. “I don’t know why anypony ever likes to be touched,” she spits.

“‘Cuz it feels nice,” you state matter-of-factly.

Rainbow Dash just murmurs skeptically in response, crossing her front hooves and staring into the fire with derision.

“Just like...getting presents!” you tell her, pulling out a large, heavy cylinder gift wrapped with rainbow-striped paper.

When you say the word ‘presents’ Rainbow Dash’s ears perk up and her head spins towards you. She regards the package you are offering to her with wide, sparkling eyes. “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” She nabs it away without so much as a thank you, ripping the paper open to reveal a packaged bottle of aged cider. “No way! 12 years!? AWESOME! This must have been expensive!”

You blush a little bit and rub the back of your head with a hoof. “Well, you know...only the best for the most awesome pony in Ponyville.”

Rainbow Dash socks you in the shoulder. “Y’know, you’re probably the second coolest pony in town after me. You should be getting expensive stuff too.”

“Really?” you ask, suddenly grinning. “Does that mean you got me something luxurious?”

The smile falls off of Rainbow Dash’s face and she slowly becomes worried. “I...I...uh-”

“Didn’t get me anything?” you ask, only a little bit disappointed. “I figured as much.”

“I-I’m sorry,” her raspy voice shakes. “I was really busy with practice, and I just forgot.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you say. “Not a huge surprise to me. I’m just glad you came over.”

Rainbow Dash, too ashamed to even look at you, turns her head upward, where her body freezes. Another moment later, her wings flare out to her sides. “Is that mistletoe?”

You look upward as well. “Ah, shoot. I meant to take that down after-”

“No!” Rainbow Dash cries, launching herself off of the couch and into the air. She skids over into the corner of the room, a hoof against her chest in a submissive cower. “G-get that away from me!”

You blink a few times. “Woah, Rainbow Dash, you alright?”

“S-stay away!”

“Relax! It’s just mistletoe, and it isn’t even supposed to be out. What’s your deal?”

She gasps in surprise at your question. “My deal is that kissing is sappy! It’s all about affection and openness and it’s just...It’s mushy! It’s gross!”

“Sounds to me like you’re afraid of it,” you say, unimpressed with her argument.

“A...afraid?” she asks, placing her hoof back on the ground. “I’m not afraid of anything!” She stands up confidently and smacks her barrel with a hoof. “Did you forget who you’re talking to?”

You perk up an eyebrow as an idea hits you. “Yeah, a pony who’s afraid of little, teeny-tiny kisses.”

Rainbow Dash growls. “You think you’re funny, huh!?” she asks, stomping towards you.

“I’m not cracking jokes, I’m just stating facts. You’re just a friend who doesn’t buy me Hearth’s Warming gifts and is afraid of hanging plants.”

“Yeah!?” she bellows, sneering. “I’ll show you!” She leaps forward, tackling you into the couch as her lips attack yours hungrily.

You lie back with a smirk, having fully expected the result as she pins you against the couch kisses you violently. You manage to break your front hooves free, using one to rub the soft feathers of her outstretched wings while the other wraps tightly around her small, toned midsection.

She breaks the kiss, breathing heavily as she tries to regain the ability to speak. “HA! I told you!” As if to accentuate her point, she presses her muzzle against yours again, her soft lips putting yours under even more pressure as she wraps her hooves tightly around your neck. She releases your back hooves, allowing you to wrap your back legs around her flanks and flip her onto her back as you continue the kiss.

Rainbow Dash, of course, seems to take issue with this, and immediately flips you back over with a coordinated buck of her hips and beat of her wings. She presses down more tightly against you to squash any hope of a repeat occurrence. In response, you allow the hoof that had been caressing her wing to move up the back of her neck and run through her mane.

Rainbow Dash pulls back again, her teeth giving your bottom lip a sharp and aggressive bite as she removes herself from your muzzle.

“Ow,” you choke, enjoying the warm feeling from the embrace as you stare into Rainbow Dash’s piercing magenta eyes. They’re displaying an emotion you can’t put your hoof on- kind of like disdain, mixed with admiration.

After a few moments of Rainbow Dash catching her breath, she bears her teeth at you and a chillingly low growl emanates from her core. “If you ever tell anypony that we kissed, I will deny it and then come over here and beat you into a bloody pulp!”

“That’d be hot,” you comment.

“I’m serious!” she spits at you. “You won’t be kissing anypony ever again, since I’ll have torn off your lips!”

“Better get these in now, then,” you quip, pulling her against you in a surprise kiss.

Rainbow Dash, evidently not having expected this, shivers and moans quietly into your lips.

Breaking away immediately, you wiggle your eyebrows at her. “Sounds like you really enjoyed that one, Dashie!”

Rainbow Dash swiftly punches you in the stomach, knocking the wind out of you. “That’s it!” she howls, moving her lips toward yours again. “As soon as we’re done making out, I’m going to kick the daylights out of you, and I am not kidding!”

Author's Note

If you press the button...

Your pony OC will be kiss-attacked by Rainbow Dash

BUT

She will hospitalize them with several cracked ribs and internal bleeding anyway because that's how she rolls

Rarity

Rarity, wearing a fashionable pink fur cap, tosses the portion of her mane still uncovered. “Why hello darling! Happy Hearth’s Warming!”

“Rarity! Come on in,” you invite, standing aside so that she can enter.

“Thank you,” she says kindly, walking in and daintily removing her scarf, hat and boots. “It’s excellent to see you,” she states upon finishing her task, wrapping a hoof around you in a quick hug.

“Glad to hear it. You’ve been pretty busy recently, right?”

“Oh, you have no idea!” she replies dramatically, placing a hoof over her forehead in faux exasperation. “That’s why it’s been so long, dear...I’ve had to make hundreds of dresses over the past few weeks.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” you say, patting her withers softly. “Good news, though: tonight is all relaxation and fun.”

“I’m very glad, dear. I can’t wait for you to see what I’ve made for you as-” she stops, her eyes sparkling with curiosity up at the ceiling above your couch across the room.

You follow her gaze to find a spring of mistletoe hanging above your couch.

“Oh ho ho ho,” Rarity chuckles, looking up at you with a knowing expression. “Looks like somepony had some kissing plans tonight.”

You smile and roll your eyes. “Sorry, I left it up by accident. I’ll take it down.”

“Oh, su-u-ure darling,” she giggles. “By accident, hmm? I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact I was coming over.”

“Actually, it didn’t.”

Rarity frowns. “You know that you are a dear friend of mine, but this dishonesty from you is most unbecoming.” She sits down on the couch and uses a hoof to fluff her coiffe. “I don’t usually allow kisses, but for you I think I can make an exception.” She turns a cheek toward you, her eyes closed and a satisfied little smile on her muzzle.

You want to wipe that confident smirk away, and do so with a passion. “Y’know what Rarity? I’m gonna take a pass on that.” You stand on two hooves to cut down the mistletoe and throw it onto a side table with your teeth.

Rarity’s eyes flutter open. “I’m sorry, darling, I thought I just heard you say that you were going to ‘pass’. As in, not kiss me.”

“That’s correct.”

“But we’re under the mistletoe!”

“Were under the mistletoe.”

Rarity sputters angrily for a few seconds before smacking one of her hooves down on the couch. “And why on earth didn’t you kiss me!? I am the most sought-after and eligible mare in town!”

You cross your hooves over your barrel and glower down at her. “Because, I don’t like your attitude.”

“Well, FINE then!” she screeches at you, standing up from the couch. “I know enough social etiquette to understand when I’m not wanted!” She fumbles pitifully with her winter gear for a few moments, her boots not entirely on and her hat askew as she reaches for the door. “Good day sir!”

Throwing the door open, she stomps out into the snow and slams it with her magic. For the next minute or so, you wait patiently next to your couch, tapping your hoof against the floor.

As expected, she comes back inside and frowns at you. “It’s too cold to walk home.”

You raise your eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s it? It has nothing to do with the fact I didn’t chase after you and beg your forgiveness?”

Rarity growls, albeit femininely. “I am STILL mad at you,” she says, throwing her hat at your face with her magic.

You lean slightly to the side to dodge it, and it instead harmlessly impacts your shoulder and falls to the floor. “Look, does a kiss really mean that much to you?”

Rarity’s muzzle crumples up. She opens her mouth confidently, in what you assume is the first step in an indignant tirade, before closing it. After a few more moments of consideration. She softly answers, “Y-yes. Yes it does.”

“Maybe try asking politely?” you reply just as timidly, fearing a reprisal.

Rarity looks down at the ground and grumbles as she closes the distance between you. Reaching you, she looks up with a pout. “Darling, we were under the mistletoe earlier, a-and I’d really like a kiss from you. Please?”

Without another word, you lean down and place a warm kiss on her cheek, humming softly as you do so. Her coat is luxuriously soft, and it’s clear she’s only used her best perfume for tonight. Five or so seconds later, you pull away and smile. “Of course, Rarity.”

Her lips quiver before they morph into a bright smile, and she throws her front hooves around your neck in a hug.

“Now, how about some presents?”

From her face’s position buried in your barrel, you can hear her moan and sniffle. Her head rears back briefly to steal a kiss from your lips before she rubs her face against your neck. “Mmmhmmm...Please.”

Applejack

You open the door, revealing the robust form of Applejack. As is expected, she has braved the cold out wearing nothing but her trademark hat and a good sense of humor.

“AJ! Happy Hearth’s Warming!”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming ta you, too!” she hoots, stepping through the door and throwing a hoof around you in a chummy hug. “Hope ya like yer present!” She haphazardly shoves a little box at you before shaking like a dog to remove the snow stuck on her coat.

“Oh, thanks! Let me go grab yours!” You walk over to the couch and place the box down on the couch while you fetch Applejack’s present from the kitchen. When you return with the oblong, orange-wrapped gift, she’s already lounging on your couch with her hooves up on the seat. You trot over and wait respectfully for her to remove them so you can sit next to her; when she doesn’t, you roll your eyes, lift up her hooves, and sit down. Upon releasing her hooves, they plop right back down onto your lap.

Applejack acknowledges her victory with a smug grin. “Alrighty, sugarcube, ya’ll go first now and open up what I got’cha. I reckon you’ll like it!”

You open up the little box. Inside is a small pony figurine. You examine it closely; as your muzzle approaches it, you catch the smell of pine wafting towards you. “It’s a little pony sculpture?”

“It’s you!” she hoots proudly. “I whittled it muh’self out of the stump of the family Hearth’s Warming tree.”

A grin tugs at one side of your mouth. Not the most conventional present you’ve ever received, sure, but a unique and heartfelt one nonetheless; and one intimately connected to one of the Apple family traditions. “Thanks, AJ. Alright- now you!”

Her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration, Applejack fumbles with the wrapping paper on her present. Finally tearing a shred of it open, she gasps and rips the rest of the paper off immediately. “No! No you didn’t!”

“I did,” you tell her proudly. “It was a little pricy for a pie tin, but I guess it was worth it for one that cooks pies a whole-”

“SIX seconds faster!” she interrupts gleefully. “This is the best present I’ve gotten in years! Thank ya darlin’!”

The faintest hint of a blush comes upon your cheeks when you hear Applejack exchange her favored ‘sugarcube’ for another term of endearment. “You’re welcome! I’m glad you’re happy with it!”

Applejack, smiling broadly, places the pie tin gingerly on the floor next to the couch before looking at you casually. “So are we gon’ kiss, ‘er what?”

You furrow your brow once, not having expected that response. “I...what?”

“Well, ya put up mistletoe,” Applejack casually mentions, tossing a hoof haphazardly in the direction of the hanging plant above the couch. “That means it’s smoochin’ time, don’t it?”

“Well, normally it would, but I actually had that up for another event, a-and I meant to take it down, but I guess- I dunno, I-”

“Oh, don’t give me none of that,” she scolds, following up her rebuke with a raspberry in your direction. “Sugarcube, I’m all about tradition, and the tradition is that ponies kiss under the mistletoe. So, ya’ll can either stop talking and kiss me, or I’ll kiss you.”

“A-alright t-then,” you stammer, closing your eyes and slowly inching your muzzle towards hers. After a few seconds of painfully retarded progress, you crack open one eye to see Applejack waiting impatiently.

“Time’s up,” she comments, before closing the rest of the distance between you and pressing her lips to yours. Her hooves wrap tightly around your torso and she rocks her body side to side for the duration of the kiss. Her tongue brushes your bottom lip lightly as she pulls away.

“‘Mwah,” she spits when her lips were only an inch away, as if it were supposed to be a natural sound effect. “See, darlin’? Ain’t nothin’ to be ashamed of. Just tradition!” she declares, flipping her ponytail and flashing you a confident, teasing smile.

You collapse on the floor.

“...Sugarcube? You ‘aight?”

[BONUS]: Starlight Glimmer (et al.)

Starlight Glimmer stands outside of your door, her new sweeping manestyle whipping in the wind. When she notices you, she flashes you a strained smile. “Hey! Happy Hearth’s Warming.” She turns around and looks over her shoulder furtively. “C-can I come in quickly?”

“Yeah Starlight, happy Hearth’s Warming!” you step aside and let her into your home.

She scurries in quickly and slams the door with a fairly significant degree of force. “Thanks for letting me hang out here instead of going to the town Hearth’s Warming Party.”

Your eyes widen slightly as you realize why she’s acting so skittish. “Ah, they expected you to make an appearance, eh?”

Starlight rolled her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Yeah. The problem is those parties are so exhausting! I already have to go to the one we throw at the castle, so why do I have to go to this one?”

“And, uh, you’re also here because you want to see me, right?”

“Uh, yeah! Of course!” She says, awkwardly beaming at you. “That’s why I’m here and didn’t, y’know, flee the town.”

“Mmhmm,” you hum skeptically. “Well, regardless, I’m glad you could make it.”

“I am too! Let’s just enjoy a nice, quiet, and inconspicuous evening,” she insists, using her magic to close your window blinds.

Scrunching up your muzzle at her paranoia, you wave a hoof towards the couch. “I’ll go get your present,” you tell her. “Do you want some hot cocoa?”

“Yes please!”

After fetching everything, you trot back into the living room and plop down next to Starlight on the couch, transferring the hot cocoa into her magical aura.

She takes one look at it and her muzzle scrunches up in surprise. “Only one marshmallow?”

You furrow your brow. “You want more?”

“N-no. I just, know, was just saying,” she replies in a tone which implies she was definitely doing more than just saying. “Anyway, why don’t you open your present first?” She transfers a flat rectangular box into your grasp.

It’s not wrapped. You pry it open to reveal a purple and sea-foam green scarf, the same colors as her mane. “Oh...neat!”

She groans a little bit. “You hate it, don’t you?”

“N-no, it’s great!” you force out. “I’m just not usually a...uh...scarf pony.”

Her magic aura surrounds the scarf and wraps it tightly around your neck. “Well, now you are,” she informs you teasingly.

It’s a soft scarf, but your neck is now hot and you feel like a poser. You show her an unnatural, toothy grin. “How do I look?”

Starlight covers her mouth and giggles. “I think you look fashionable.” She places her hoof on the top of your couch and leans on it casually. “Speaking of that, I noticed that you have some mistletoe up. When were you planning on kissing me?”

That news startles you. “Huh?”

Looking up, it does indeed appear that you left mistletoe up from the party you threw awhile back. “Oh, sorry about that. That wasn’t meant for you,” you scramble in defense.

Starlight’s ears fall, although the change in elevation is so small that it’s almost imperceptible. “O-oh. Well, I mean, we could do it anyway. It is Hearth’s Warming, and all…”

Your face begins to heat up. “I-I...yeah, I guess we could.”

Starlight freezes. “A-alright. Yeah. S-so, we just, kinda like…” Her face starts moving towards yours. “Like, like this?”

“I-I think so, yeah,” you comment, moving your muzzle toward hers.

Your lips meet somewhat awkwardly, and stay effectively static for the next two seconds. At that point, a series of obnoxiously loud knocks happen at your door.

Instinctively, Starlight and you simultaneously break the kiss and pull your muzzles away from each other.

“Starlight!” A loud cry is heard from outside. “STARLIGHT!”

“Oh shoot,” Starlight hisses quietly. “Be quiet!”

“Is that Twilight?” you ask, somewhat curious to see how badly Starlight would be scolded.

“No, it's somepony even worse!”

“STARLIGHT! I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE! YOU LEFT ME OUT TO DRY!”

Starlight quickly stands up and whips her head around. “Do you have a back door?”

“No I don’t,” you inform her coldly, Starlight’s machinations leaving you feeling unappreciated. “How about you face the music?” The knocking continues, aggravating you to the point where you simply walk over and unlock the door.

“STARLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAH!” screeches a blue unicorn clad in a garish cape and wizard hat as the door swings open and she falls into your entryway, flat on her face. “Aha!” she screeches, pointing a hoof at Starlight from her prone position. “How dare you!”

“Thanks a lot,” Starlight spits at you.

You shrug and walk back to the couch, sitting down as Trixie closes the distance between herself and Starlight. “You said I wouldn’t have to go to the town party alone, and yet there I was, without my best friend and feeling like a complete awkward sideshow!

Starlight sighs. “Look, Trixie, I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t go and-”

“And who the heck is that!?” Trixie shouts, interrupting Starlight’s defense. “Is he supposed to be more important than Trixie to you!?”

“Why is it that you get so jealous?” Starlight aggressively questions back. “I’m allowed to have other friends, you know!”

“Not if their friendship is more important to you than Trixie’s temporary happiness!” Trixie scowls at you, but then appears to notice the mistletoe. “No. No! Did you kiss him!?”

“Uh...maybe?” Starlight answers, cringing slightly.

“You know the rule is that mares have to approve of their friends’ romantic choices! This is not fair!” Trixie childishly stomps a hoof on the floor.

“Well, do you want to kiss him?” Starlight asks cheekishly, her eyes lighting up with mischievous intent.

Trixie scoffs. “Hardly!” she walks over toward you and scowls. “I don’t even know this pony!”

Lighting up her horn, Starlight’s magic aura surrounds Trixie’s head, as well as your own. “Come on, Trixie. As you said, I didn’t ask for your permission before I kissed him. It’s only natural. I kissed him, you want revenge. It isn’t the first time, Trixie. Remember what you told me about Thorax, and the changelings?”

“What does that have to do with anything!?” Trixie whines pitifully, flailing her hooves in a futile attempt to escape Starlight’s grasp.

Keeping your muzzle stationary like an anvil, Starlight uses her magic to press Trixie against you in a kiss. Instinctively, Trixies hooves wrap tightly around your neck as yours hold her midsection close; peeking out at the kiss you see that Trixie’s eyelids are closed tightly and a blush covers her face. While you’re not certain due to the confusion of the situation, you almost swear you can feel her actively kissing you back.

Finally, Starlight's horn dulls and Trixie pulls away...a second or two later.

“Blegh! Disgusting!" Trixie wipes her mouth with a hoof. "I am so super mad at you right now, Starlight,” Trixie hisses. “Now let’s go to the party!” Trixie angrily adjusts her wizard hat and begins trotting toward the front door.

“Ahhh, alright,” Starlight reluctantly acquiesces. “But...are you sure you don’t want to stay and give him another kiss?”

“Y-yes!” Trixie stammers, her face bright red. “I don’t care if I ever see him again!” she declares indignantly while she surreptitiously uses her magic to tuck her magician’s business card into the space between your new scarf and your neck. “Now let’s go!”

“Alright, see you later, I guess,” Starlight says, waving a hoof at you before following Trixie out into the snow and shutting the door.

You sit silently on the couch for a number of moments as you collect your thoughts. “You know, I’m starting to think Starlight has a little bit of a manipulative, authoritarian streak,” you say to nopony in particular.

Author's Note

"Good, Trixie, good. Let the tsundere love-hate flow through you!"

"Cutie Mark magic is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be...unnatural."

"Are you threatening me, Princess Twilight?"

"Each and every mane character, including your friend, Pinkie Pie, is now an enemy of Equestria!"

"DO IT! QUIET!"

"I am sending my apprentice, Maud Pie, to take care of you."

*Cutie Map sends Starlight and Trixie to Canterlot* "Everything is proceeding just as I have foreseen."

*To Spike* "I shall be watching your career with great interest..."

-Sheev Glimmer

[BONUS]: Princess Luna

Nopony. Nopony at all is outside.

Frowning, you stick your head out the door and look left. Through the falling snow, you can see the hazy evening lights of downtown Ponyville in the distance. You turn your head to the right, and see only the snow slowly fading into the blackness of night.

Must have been the wind.

Sighing, you close the door and head inside. Sitting down on your couch, you begin to wait for your special friend to come.

You wait.

And, wait.

And...wait.

After a few hours have passed, you give up hope of seeing your dear friend tonight. It wasn’t the first time somepony had forgotten their very important plans with you; it probably wouldn’t be the last.

You sit silently in the dark, the minutes melting away and the embers of the once roaring fire growing dim as you stare at your wall, contemplating the sad state of your life. If your best friend in Ponyville couldn’t be bothered to come and visit you, what were you worth?

You are jolted out of your groggy delirium when you hear a scratching sound emanating from your wall. You stare intently at the area above your fireplace, furrowing your brow as the sound moves further and further down the wall.

Soon, it halts completely, and a slender blue leg gently lowers itself onto the bed of ashes in the fireplace. It is followed soon by three more, and a dainty sigh as the pony bends her legs to lean under the mantle.

A shapely, indigo alicorn wearing a red and white cap, boots and candy cane-striped stockings which go halfway up her back legs emerges from your fireplace carrying a large, burlap sack. Holding a hoof to your barrel in surprise, you scan her up and down a few times as she dusts some ash off of herself.

Finally, you speak up. “P-Princess Luna?”

Princess Luna looks up at you. “That is me, correct.”

You begin shaking slightly; you’d never seen a Princess before, except in newspaper photos. “Y-y-you’re Santa Hooves?”

“Hm?” she glances down at her costume for a moment before her eyes light up in understanding. “Oh! No, but Santa Hooves and I are very similar. For instance, we both break into ponies’ houses at night to give them nice things. As such, I like to dress up on my rounds during December. It makes me feel festive.” She smiles at you before placing the bag on the ground and loosening its tie. “Now,” she chirps, sticking her head inside, “I think I have a particularly nice dream for you…”

After a moment, she pauses and removes her head from the bag. She turns to face you, cocking her head to the side and scrunching up her muzzle in a rather adorable fashion. “Wait a minute, I can’t give you dreams if you’re not asleep. Why are you up this late, my little pony?”

“Well, your highness,” you begin, your voice slowly beginning to waver as you continue, “I was expecting somepony to show up tonight, but...they didn’t show up.”

“Aw,” Princess Luna whines, pouting sympathetically. “So you’re up moping, then?” She leaves her bag and sits next to you on the couch.

“Yeah,” you sigh, resting your head on your hooves.

“I can’t help but notice you’ve left some mistletoe up. Was this friend a potential special somepony?”

You look up and your eyes widen upon seeing the little cut of parasitic plant above you. “Well, I didn’t mean to leave that up...it’s from a party I threw a while ago, but...yeah, I-I guess she was.”

“Oh, my poor subject,” Princess Luna hums, wrapping a wing around you and pulling you forcefully but sweetly into her chest fluff. She nuzzles the top of your head slowly. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Your mistletoe is still up, did you maybe want a kiss from me?”

You nuzzle your way up to look at her. “R-really?”

“Sultry blue Santa Hooves can make your dreams literally come true,” she purrs softly.

“...Now I’m feeling a little bit uncomfortable.”

Princess Luna frowns in disapproval. “Do you want a kiss or not?”

“Yes!” you stammer, a little too emphatically.

Princess Luna smiles mischievously and turns her body so that her striped sock-covered back legs are wrapped tightly around you. She moves her muzzle up to your ear and lets out a gentle exhalation. “My Little Pony, you’ve been very, very nice this year…” she whispers alluringly.

You furrow your brow. “Nice? Don’t you mean naughty?”

Princess Luna pulls away to look at you with confused exasperation. “Why on earth would I mean that? Only nice ponies get kisses! Naughty ponies only receive hardened carboniferous materials and crippling nightmares, depending on which Santa Hooves is visiting.”

“B-but doesn’t ‘naughty’ imply some sort of attraction and flirtiness, o-or something?”

Princess Luna frowns at you and huffs, her Santa Hooves cap almost falling off of her head as she tilts it and narrows her eyes at you. “You are ruining the immersion of this roleplay. Shut up, please.”

“Y-yes, your highness.”

With that, Princess Luna smiles amorously. You feel her magic press against the back of your head, forcing your muzzle in towards hers.

Electricity shoots through your body as soon as your lips make contact with hers. They are overwhelmingly soft, seemingly catering exactly to your movements, and the kiss contains just the perfect amount of wetness and warmth.

Now this is true love. One day, you are going to make Luna your wife.

No! No- wife doesn’t cut it; such a term could never encapsulate your newfound love for her. You need something better. Wife-y. Wife-o.

...Those terms aren’t quite there, but, y’know, something like that.

Her wings wrap around you and pull your body flush against hers as she widens the distance between her own lips and deepens the lock between them and your own. Small smooching noises are heard as you cooperate in gently opening and closing the kiss.

You are straight up about to faint after a few more moments, and pull away from the kiss to regroup.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she growls, pressing her muzzle into the side of your neck and delivering a salvo of wet kisses into it, moving from near your barrel up to the top of your ear.

You shiver gently at the wonderful feeling. When she reaches the top of your ear, her muzzle arcs back in a U-shape and her lips press against yours again, her hooves giving you a tight squeeze and eliciting a gentle moan from you.

This kiss is warmer, and when it ends, your lips break their seal exceedingly slowly. Reluctantly, even. Then, Princess Luna kisses the top of your muzzle and pulls you into a tight hug.

“Thank you, Princess Luna.”

“You’re welcome, my loyal subject. Happy Hearth’s Warming!” With that exhortation, she extricates herself from you, stands up, and rubs your mane haphazardly in a show of affection before picking up her burlap sack of dreams. “Oh, one last thing,” she says, craning her neck around to face you. “I give your kissing a 7/10. Improve a little bit for when Santa comes back next year, alright?”

“Y...y...yes,” you squeak.

Luna begins sauntering toward the fireplace and shoots you a sensual wink. Unfortunately, this action also delays the return of her field of view to the front, and she rams her horn into the bricks above your fireplace.

“Sweet Celestia!” she cries, punching the bricks with a hoof and causing several jagged cracks to form across them. “Ten million curses upon this masonry!”

“Do you just want to use the door, maybe?”

“And let the fireplaces win? I would sooner die!”

Author's Note

She sees you when you're sleeping...O.o

Here is the end of your special fan service story: a return to your regularly scheduled comedy and cuddles will occur soon.

Merry Christmas!

Introduction

You scoot quickly around the first floor of your small home, making sure that everything is in order for tonight. After all, you had a friend coming over, and she only deserved the best!

Moving to Ponyville had been a really rough experience for you: before this, you had spent your entire life in an even smaller village on the complete opposite side of Equestria. She, however, had helped you to settle in, introduced you around town, and even listened to all your problems and worries.

She meant a lot to you, and now, she was coming over! You dart around your home in a flash, making sure the hot chocolate was the right temperature, the fire was stoked, the tree’s lights looked extra sparkly… y’know, classic Hearth’s Warming stuff!

Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. Right on time! You scurry over, knowing full well how cold it was outside, and throw open the door, revealing:

Princess Twilight Sparkle

Fluttershy

Pinkie Pie

Rainbow Dash

Rarity

Applejack

BONUS: Starlight Glimmer (feat. Special Guest)

BONUS: Princess Luna

Author's Note

Now I know what you're all thinking: 'CategoricalGrant, what is this, some pitiful attempt to make your deluded fantasies real life'?

I assure you, the only deluded fantasy I have is the one where I become a popular fanfiction writer.

And besides, who would want to kiss Fluttershy anyway? That pony spends so much time around animals she's like patient zero for every virus that exists.