Homework is a Real Kick in the Dick
Is there artefacting, though?
Sunset sat, jaw agape, at the conversation that was playing out in front of her.
“So,” Twilight asked, pen and paper in hand, “what exactly is it you two want?”
“It’s just her, really,” Sugarcoat said while motioning towards Lemon Zest. “I think this is absolutely retarded, personally.”
“Thank you!” Sunset said as she waved a hand at Sugarcoat.
Lemon Zest glowered at Sugarcoat. “Hey now, don’t kinkshame.” She then smiled as she faced Twilight. “So, what I need, is a dick―”
“Beanis brand sexual aid,” Twilight corrected.
“Right, yeah, whatever. Anyway, a ‘Beanis brand sexual aid’,” Lemon said, “that can take my homework, and like―”she waved her hands around”―just spray out the answers.”
Sunset groaned while Sugarcoat cradled her head.
“Mhm.” Twilight jotted down what Lemon Zest said. “So what you’re asking for is a sexual aid shaped like a penis that’s attached to a neural network which can interpret your homework and answer it correctly.” She looked at Lemon with a grin. “So, what kind of computer interface are you working with?”
Lemon Zest blinked. “Computer?” She shook her head. “I just want a hot load of knowledge shot inside of me.”
“Great, there’s two of them,” Sunset said as she leaned down and pinched the bridge of her nose.
Sugarcoat cleared her throat. “I think what she meant to say is that she was looking into multiple outputs.” She glared at Lemon. “There’s no practical usage for the device if all of the information is painting her insides.”
“Yes there is,” Lemon said as she crossed her arms and blushed. “Relieving sexual tension is a highly practical usage of anything.”
“Right, yeah.” Sugarcoat adjusted her glasses. “I’m just saying that it would be useful to save the data as well as let it fulfill whatever weird perversion you have.”
Lemon Zest clenched her jaw. “It’s not perverted.”
“Well, technically,” Twilight said while writing, “it is a perversion of the intended use of information due to the abnormal application.” She chuckled. “I’m not sure knowledge was intended to be vaginally administered.”
Sunset sighed and massaged her temples.
“Hmm.” Lemon Zest pressed her lips tightly. “Well, can you do it?”
“Well.” Twilight sat down and looked over the notes she gave. “The computer interface aspect should be easy enough―just throw in a plug with a high transfer speed.” She underlined something. “As for the physical expulsion―”
“You mean the hot homeworky load?”
Twilight clicked her pen. “Yes, that.” She stuck out her tongue. “I could use one of my standards protein solutions, like beans or cheese, but”―Twilight scribbled―”they can’t retain enough information in their current constructions to create a manageable amount of fluid. So I’m going to have to construct my own protein to keep the volume down and the data transfer level without any loss.”
Sunset grunted. “Does the dildo jizz have to be lossless?”
“Sunset.” Twilight glared. “I don’t do anything in half-measures.”
“I’m just saying that you could do the digital transfer fully but the content of the semen could be compressed to a reasonable level so you don’t have to waste their time creating new proteins from whole cloth.”
“Right, but I’m not sure how the compression artefacting would affect the consistency of the ejaculatory fluid.”
“So why don’t you run some―”
Sunset growled. “I can’t believed you roped me into this.” She glared at Sugarcoat. “Why are you enabling this?”
“First of all.” Sugarcoat clasped her hands together. “I thought you of all people would be supportive of helping a friend out.”
Sunset clenched a fist. “Right, but―”
“Additionally, every student at Crystal Prep is expected to excel and exceed.” Sugarcoat adjusted her glasses. “If that involves colluding with pornographers to produce assignment automation, so be it.” She glanced at Lemon. “Helping her gets her rocks off is just a secondary bonus.”
“Twilight,” Sunset said as she grabbed her head, “I think you’re helping them cheat.”
“Is it really cheating, though?” Twilight asked, now at her computer. “I mean, I’m just pulling information that’s easily accessible if one knows where to look, and I’m a proponent of schooling being about learning effective problem solving and social networking skills.”
“That may be, but another important aspect of the scholastic experience is teaching other values such as time management and how to do your own research and you’re creating a dildo with a neural network to circumvent that.”
“I’d also argue that part of the school experience is as a simulation of the real world where you learn how to do things within the rules,” Sugarcoat said. “And I’ve read the school guidelines several times over and there’s nothing specifically prohibiting mechanization of homework. Ergo, I’m fulfilling the letter of the rules.”
“Also this shows a high level of lateral thinking,” Twilight said while typing, “I’d never have thought to include this kind of functionality in a marital aid.”
Sunset grabbed her face. “What are they going to do when they get out of here? Get a dildo that does their taxes? A, uh cock sock that’ll run marketing simulations?”
“What happens when they leave school is up to them. If they choose to implement tools that aid in their careers, that’s up to them.”
“I just think you’re setting them up for―”
“Um,” Lemon Zest said while raising a hand, “I just came here because I wanted to fuck my homework, and somehow this turned into several conversations involving compression artefacting and how the automation of homework would lead to the downfall of society.”
Sunset raised a finger. “I never said―”
“You were clearly devolving into a slippery slope argument, there, Sunset.” Lemon cracked her knuckles. “Now let’s get back on track and make me a Datanis!”
Twilight hummed while tapping her lip. “Hmm… Datanis. I like it.” Twilight typed vigorously. “Remind me to pay you.”
“Will do!”
Sunset looked around and exhaled. “At least someone agree with me that this is a highly immoral use of technology.”
“Oh yeah, this is completely immoral within the provided framework,” Sugarcoat said.
“As least you’re aware of that much,” Sunset said as she buried her face into her hands.
