They're Comfy and Easy to Wear

by Friendly Uncle

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Fluttershy, Random, Main 6
Length: 12370

A collection of fairly random pony story bits. Presented without context or apology.

A collection of some of my shorter or more experimental pieces of fanfic that don't really merit standalone status. Updated at random as I write additional bits and pieces that I can't do anything else with. Rated teen for bathroom humor, drug use, and sad ponies.

Published 2012-07-21 06:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-05-29 05:20:43 UTC

Clean

Clean

Fluttershy sighed happily as she frolicked in the grass with her bunny friends, enjoying the light breeze and the warm sunshine. She loved moments like this. Without anypony about there was nothing between her and the world she loved so much. She was was alone, happy, and free.

The pegasus pony's joy was infectious, and the bunnies were running circles around her while she pranced. Overhead the birds flew in wide arcs over them, chirping and singing merrily. Caught up in the moment, Fluttershy whirled and began to chase her own tail.

Not paying any particular attention to where she was going, Fluttershy therefore was in no position to do anything about running headfirst into Pinkie Pie's rump.

"Woah!" giggled the pink pony, "I didn't think you'd be THAT glad to see me! Hi Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy made a noise that only dogs can hear.

"Your face is all red!" Pinkie continued, "are you okay? You don't have a fever do you?"

"..."

"I had a fever once and let me tell you it wasn't very much fun at all! I completely lost my appetite! Do you have any idea how many times that's happened? Once, that's how many times it's happened. Never again."

"... m'sorry I... ran into your... butt."

"Don't worry about it! What's a little buttdiving between friends!?"

Fluttershy's squeak would have shattered glass. Pinkie Pie blinked and rubbed her ears with her hooves.

"...so anyway, I hope I didn't interrupt anything, but I wanted to ask you a question if it's not too much trouble? It's actually a question for Rainbow Dash and I would have asked Rainbow Dash except it's the kind of question other ponies usually yell at me for asking them and I really didn't want Rainbow Dash to yell at me but I thought it's really a question that I could ask any pegasus pony and at the same time I was thinking if there's any pony that wouldn't yell at me it's probably you Fluttershy and then I realized hey you're a pegasus pony so you can probably answer my question without yelling at me and then I don't have to get yelled at by Rainbow Dash!"

Fluttershy had backed slightly away from Pinkie Pie by now and was alternating between looking at the ground and letting her hair fall in front of her face and giving the pink pony quizzical looks as she tried to follow what she was saying.

"... what?"

She hadn't succeeded.

"What what?" Pinkie was almost breathless with curiosity.

"... what did you want to ask me, Pinkie Pie?"

"Oh, right! That!"

Fluttershy heaved a tired sigh.

"How does Rainbow Dash go to the bathroom?"

Fluttershy's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and slowly slid over to stare incredulously at Pinkie Pie, who was smiling hugely at her in anticipation.

"What... why would... Pinke... she... I mean... that is... just... I don't know about... Rainbow Dash SPECIFICALLY, but... pegasus ponies... go the same way any other pony goes, Pinkie."

Pinkie's expression gave way to horrified confusion.

"But earth ponies don't go to the bathroom up in the air."

Fluttershy jerked back as if she'd been slapped.

"Uhm... we don't... I mean... it's not like we... it's really not any different Pinkie... I don't know why you... think it is."

"Well you know, 'cause you fly and all!"

"I don't fly when I'm going to the bathroom, Pinkie!"

"But what about the house!?"

Fluttershy stared at Pinkie Pie, a vague sense that she was missing something starting to creep over her.

"What house? Rainbow Dash's house? What does that have to do with going to the bathroom?"

"How do you put a toilet in a cloud?"

"...oh. OH. Oh. I... I thought you... uh... I thought you were asking about the... you know... the mechanics..."

"Oh! No, just the plumbing."

They looked at each other.

"... I've never used the bathroom in Rainbow Dash's house," Fluttershy finally said, edging slightly away from Pinkie Pie. "I don't know how it works."

"Oh, nerts. I guess I'll have to find out straight from the pony's mouth, then. Thanks Fluttershy!"

"...you're welcome?"

-

Rainbow Dash soared lazily through the skies over ponyville, grinning at the sensation of the wind rustling through her wing feathers. Normally she would be rocketing about as quickly as her third pair of limbs could propel her, but today she'd been hard at work eliminating stormclouds, and was all tuckered out. Time to enjoy her second favorite activity after moving really really fast, which ironically was not moving at all.

A frown slowly spread across the multicolored pegasus pony's face as she landed on the stretch of cloud that was attached to the front of her castle. There was something on her "lawn". Something that looked remarkably like a bicycle with a large propeller attached to the top. And it was painted mostly pink.

Rainbow Dash entered her house slowly and quietly, looking around and listening intently.

"...Pinkie Pie? Are you in here?"

Somewhere off in one of the back rooms Dash heard a loud gasp, followed by the soft cottony noise of hooves on cloud, and then Pinkie Pie stuck her head into the main hall.

"Oh, hi Rainbow Dash! How are you?"

Dash's eyes narrowed.

"Pinkie, what are you doing in my house?"

Pinkie danced in a quick, nervous circle.

"I was... uh... looking for the bathroom."

Dash felt her jaw drop open.

"I've really gotta go."

"... you... had to go to the bathroom... so you concocted a fantastical pedal-powered flying machine and rode it all the way up here to my house which is floating high up in the sky to see if you could use my bathroom?"

Pinkie stared at Dash for a long moment and then said, with absolute conviction, "Yes."

"...oh, okay. It's down the hall, third door on your left."

"The... third door? I uh... I was already in there Dash, there isn't a toilet in that room, it's just a big blank room with a dip in the middle of the floor."

Dash grinned.

"Oh, you've never used a PEGASUS toilet before, have you Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie's face lit up.

"Oh, you mean it is different? I was kind of wondering! So how does it work, magical manure fairies that-"

"No, I think that's a unicorn toilet. Just go in there and do your business and then press the button on the wall."

"Okay!"

-

Mr. and Mrs. Cake looked up as the door to their shop abruptly opened to admit a thoroughly sodden Pinkie Pie.

Mr. Cake blinked. It wasn't raining out today, how did...?

"Hi Mr. Cake! Hi Mrs. Cake! I'm going to go to my room now. I'll see you tomorrow morning! Bright and early!"

Pinkie's voice was full of her usual manic cheerfulness, but her eyes were wide and staring as though she'd seen a ghost. Mr. and Mrs. Cake simply watched as she slowly made her way to the back, leaving a trail of what they hoped was water.

Before the door to Pinkie's room shut, Mrs. Cake would have sworn she heard the pink earth pony muttering to herself.

"Too clean... TOO clean...!"

-end

April 20th

April 20th

Fluttershy laid herself out on the thick rug in the middle of her living room, enjoying the warmth of the midafternoon sun shining in through a window. The lemony yellow pegasus stretched all of her limbs one by one, enjoying the gentle crackle of her joints. Gathering her legs under herself and settling down, Fluttershy turned to the other side of the rug, where Rarity was focusing on a small pile of herbs from Fluttershy’s garden. Fluttershy smiled a little at the sight of her friend looking so intensely at plant matter. Rarity glanced at her briefly, a smirk twisting her own lips as she turned back to her task.

“Something funny?”

“Oh, not really,” said Fluttershy, lowering head head to the rug, “I just think it’s nice of you to do this for me.”

And it was nice. Fluttershy knew some earth ponies or pegasi who were apt to be jealous of unicorns and their magical dexterity, and it rarely made sense to her. In this particular case, though, she thought she understood the appeal of a horn. Fluttershy could handle most tasks on her own, but when it came to separating the stems and seeds you couldn’t beat Rarity’s magic, or her attention to detail.

“Nonsense darling,” said Rarity as she packed the herbs into two small pipes, “it’s your product after all. If you’re going to share it with me the least I can do is help out. You scratch my back, I scratch yours.”

She levitated one pipe over to Fluttershy while she floated one in front of herself, a spark of magic striking above the bowl and setting fire to the contents. “Need a light?”

“Thank you,” said Fluttershy, and took the stem of the pipe between her lips as Rarity set it to smouldering. A few quick puffs to help it along, and then she took in a big draw, filling her lungs and holding it until her eyes started to water. The coughing was always the worst part, and she worried sometimes that some of her animal friends would hear her and think she was sick. The results were worth it, though.

Rarity held a hoofkerchief to her mouth to muffle her own coughing. The two ponies smoked in relative silence for a long moment, pupils slowly dilating as they emptied their pipes. It doesn’t take much to get a little pony buzzed. Fluttershy set her pipe down on the floor and nudged it with her nose, watching in rapt fascination as it slowly turned, sunlight glinting off of its surfaces. She could see the universe inside that little pipe, whirling and twinkling gently in front of her eyes, drawing her forward into infinity.

She felt something touch the back of her head, and Fluttershy turned to find Rarity running her hooves through her mane. The unicorn’s eyes twinkled in amazement as she ran the long pink strands over her forelegs, sighing happily to herself.

“It’s so beautiful,” Rarity crooned, leaning in to nuzzle Fluttershy’s ear. “I wish mine looked half as good without all the work I put into it. You’re such a pretty pony, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy blushed and leaned back against Rarity’s touch, enjoying the sensations. Normallly she’d shy away from such an invasion of personal space. There was always that little voice in the back of her head, telling her to run and get away, that nopony wanted to be with her. But that voice was quiet now, muffled by the thrumming in her body and the delightful fog behind her eyes, and all Fluttershy could think about was how she never got enough hugs. She rolled over and put her arms around Rarity, pulling the unicorn closer and nuzzling her own purple tresses. Rarity continued to explore Fluttershy’s hair, murmuring to herself about styling gel.

Fluttershy loved hugs. She loved wrapping another pony up in her arms and holding them tight. She loved enfolding herself in another pony’s arms and feeling warm and safe in a happy embrace. It was hard to get hugs when you were scared of everything. Most of the time Fluttershy was happier by herself, being with her animals and quietly puttering around her house. Going out and seeing other ponies was so hard that most of the time it didn’t seem worth it. But then she didn’t get any hugs at all. It made Fluttershy want to cry.

“I’m a screwed up little pony,” the pegasus sighed, rubbing her face against Rarity’s chest. Rarity blinked and looked down at her in surprise.

“Now why ever would you say that darling?”

“I don’t really like being with other ponies,” said Fluttershy, reaching up with a hoof to bat at one of Rarity’s curls. “I love you girls and I love spending time with you and we always have fun, but I always feel so exhausted afterwards. No matter how much I like my friends hanging out always feels like a chore. There must be something wrong with me.”

“Nonsense,” said Rarity, rubbing her cheek against Fluttershy’s hoof, “you’re just not as socially oriented as some of the rest of us are. You like to keep to yourself and do your own thing, and that’s fine. It makes the fact that you want to spend time with us anyway that much more meaningful.”

Fluttershy considered this, watching molecules of oxygen and nitrogen ricochet around the room as she gently patted Rarity’s fur. The unicorn slumped down on top of Fluttershy, leaning her head on her friend’s flank and letting out a sigh of her own.

“Sometimes I wonder if perhaps I’m not too socially oriented,” she muttered, “do I worry too much about what other ponies think of me? Do I spend too much time making them like me?”

Fluttershy considered this for a moment, letting the universe slowly contract and expand as she and Rarity ran their hooves through each other’s fur.

“If it’s okay for me to not like being around other ponies so much…” she said slowly, “then why wouldn’t it be okay for you to really like being around other ponies?”

Rarity tilted her head slowly back and forth, sloshing the idea round in her brain a little to percolate. “I suppose you’re right,” she said.

“Millennium hand and shrimp,” said Fluttershy.

“Indeed dear.” Rarity let herself slide slowly off of Fluttershy and onto the floor, settling on her back and looking up in wonder at the ceiling. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to trip into space for a little while.”

“I’ll be here when you get back,” said Fluttershy.

“Thanks.”

Moon Shy

Moonshy

The moon hung bright and heavy in the velvet sky. Fluttershy smiled up at the stars and sipped her hot chocolate, letting the stress of the day melt out of her body. All the little animals were asleep, most of Ponyville was snuggled contentedly in their beds, and her own pillow was waiting patiently for her. She’d get there eventually, but right now the stars were so pretty, and the night was so quiet, and the chocolate was so warm... so not yet...

Her left ear twitched as it detected a noise, then swiveled around to pinpoint the sound. Somewhere to the west, near the Everfree Forest, somepony was singing a song. Curious, Fluttershy finished her drink before taking off in the direction of the noise, her wings carrying her swiftly and silently along the ground. Coming up on the forest, she paused and alighted on a convenient boulder, staring up in surprise at the sight of a pony entirely shrouded in a large cloak perched atop a tree and serenading the moon.

“I don't know
What words I can say
The wind has a way
To talk to me
Flowers sleep
A silent lullaby
I pray for reply
I'm ready
Quiet day calms me
Oh serenity
Someone please tell me
Oh moon, what is it they say?
Maybe I will know one day...”

Fluttershy felt her heart break for the mournful tone of the singer’s beautiful voice. She didn’t often find herself compelled to approach other ponies, but this song awoke the same maternal instincts that would have her nursing bunnies back to health after tragic tortoise racing accidents. She wanted to put a foreleg around the singer and tell them everything was going to be okay.

On the other hoof, that would involve actually flying over to a strange pony she’d never met before and making actual physical contact with them. Fluttershy squeaked softly with indecision and remained on her rock.

She thought she was being quiet, but it was apparently enough. The singer’s hooded head abruptly whirled around and Fluttershy found herself trapped in the gaze of two shining eyes. The singer’s cloak rippled outwards to reveal powerful wings as she rose into the air and flew towards Fluttershy.

That was about enough to set off every warning bell in Fluttershy’s extensive collection. Letting out another, considerably louder, squeak, she turned tail and fled. And very nearly ran straight into the cloaked stranger. In the time it had taken Fluttershy to turn to flee, the stranger had not only covered the distance between them, but slipped behind her and blocked off her escape route.

“Fluttershy?”

The pudding-colored pegasus stopped having a panic attack long enough to be mildly confused. She didn’t specifically recall ever meeting a great dark pegasus who hung out in trees and sang sad songs at the moon while wearing an evil-looking cloak, but there were a lot of ponies in Ponyville, and she didn’t get out much. It was possible she’d been pointed out to one without her knowledge, maybe out of recognition for her work with animals. Or maybe she was about to be assaulted.

The cloaked pony tossed her head and allowed her hood to fall away, revealing indigo fur, a lighter blue mane, a long horn, and a small onyx tiara. Fluttershy’s eyes widened.

“Princess Luna! What... what are you doing here?”

Luna’s cautious smile slowly dipped down at the corners and she began to back away.

“I... I was simply going for a... fly... I’m sorry, I should have realized... of course I’m not welcome here. I’m sorry. I’ll go.”

She turned to flee, only to stop short at a sharp tug on her backside. Whirling around in surprise, she found Fluttershy hanging on gamely to a mouthful of her tail. When she had the princess’ attention again she hastily spat it back out.

“You surprised me,” said Fluttershy.

Luna blinked.

“That’s all, I mean. You’re welcome to stay. I was just curious, so I followed your song.” Fluttershy looked down at the ground and pawed it nervously. “Your singing is beautiful.”

Luna allowed a small smile and settled back onto the ground, just outside of Fluttershy’s personal space.

“Thank you.”

Fluttershy looked up at her through the pink curtain of her hair, frowning a little.

“Why are you so sad?”

Now Luna was more than a little taken aback. She took a few nervous steps backwards, unwilling to meet Fluttershy’s inquisitive gaze.

“It’s just the way the song goes,” she said carefully. “It’s an older one, from before...”

She bit her lip. Fluttershy sort of sidled up to her, attempting to be comforting despite clearly being afraid of the larger pony.

“It wasn’t really the song,” Fluttershy tried to explain, “you just sounded really sad while you were singing it. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. But if you do, I’ll listen.”

Luna let her head hang slowly downwards, frowning a little.

“... you are the first to offer me as much in a long time,” she said softly.

Fluttershy grazed the tip of one wing gently along Luna’s, an unobtrusive gesture of comfort.

“It is not that I could not speak to Celestia. She has been... so kind... and so forgiving... and so hard on herself for all that happened. We cannot speak of it without apologizing! We cannot... we cannot share what is truly in our hearts with one another. She does not trust me, and she hates herself for not trusting me. And I love her, but there is still that distance between us and even after so great a span of years the old jealousies are still there.”

The tears in her eyes glittered like diamonds in the moonlight as Luna looked up to find Fluttershy wrapping a wing protectively around her. The pegasus pony smiled comfortingly. Luna felt her cheeks grow hot and averted her gaze.

“I cannot express myself.”

“I know how that feels.”

Luna looked up at Fluttershy in surprise. The pegasus immediately backpedaled.

“I mean, I don’t know how all of that feels I don’t have a sister and I’ve never been trapped in the moon or anything but I know what it’s like to not... know how to say something or to not want to say something because you’re afraid... I’m... I feel like that right now because I’m really scared I’m going to say something stupid and offend you or something and I’m always like that and most of the time I just don’t say anything.”

Fluttershy shut her eyes tight because Luna was staring at her, a bit perplexed.

“But when I don’t say things they just get... sort of held in and... full... and then eventually someone makes me say something and I just snap and it all comes out at once. And that’s bad! So, uhm. I don’t want that to happen to you, so if you need somepony to talk to, and you can’t talk to anypony else, please talk to me?”

There were tears in Luna’s eyes again, but she was smiling now. The situation seemed to call for it, so she stepped closer to Fluttershy and entwined their necks in a hug. Fluttershy startled, but did not object.

“Thank you, Fluttershy. That means a lot to me.”

Fluttershy nuzzled her cheek briefly, then gently pulled away, motioning for the princess to follow her.

“I’ll make some more hot chocolate, and we can talk about whatever you want.”

“That... might take a while,” chuckled Luna, following.

“Well, we’ve got all night.”

-

Celestia paced nervously around the large domed observatory that stood atop her castle, continually checking the large clock mounted on one of the supporting pillars. It was late. She’d been doing everything she could to avoid the obvious conclusion, but now the truth was staring her rudely in the face.

Luna wasn’t coming.

“No,” she murmured softly to herself, “Not again... I can’t do it again... please don’t make me-”

“I’m here!”

Celestia whirled, eyes wide in shock, as Luna came galloping into the room. The smaller alicorn was panting heavily, and her mane was a bit disheveled, but she seemed otherwise none the worse for wear.

“I’m here!” she said again, gasping for breath, “I’m so sorry I’m late. But I’m here now. I’m sorry.”

“It... it’s alright little sister,” said Celestia, quickly hugging Luna. “I’m just glad that you made it.”

Luna smiled as her horn began to glow faintly with power. Celestia’s did the same, and far away, in another time and place, great wheels began to turn. Outside, the sun rose in the east and began its slow trek across the sky.

“But I can’t help being curious,” Celestia asked, “what made you lose track of time?”

“I had an unusual encounter last night,” Luna said shyly, “I wonder if, assuming you have time, I could speak of it.”

Celestia smiled warmly and wrapped a wing around her little sister.

“Certainly,” she said, “Let’s talk.”

-End

Space Ponies

Space Ponies

Twilight Sparkle hummed softly to herself as she trotted along the dirt path through the meadows on the outskirts of Ponyville. Celestia's sun shone down on her and a chorus of birds accompanied the clip clop of her hooves. She smiled and glanced up as a flock of sparrows dipped low over her head and then sped off towards the Whitetail woods. Following them with her eyes, the purple unicorn paused as she caught a glimpse of a familiar pink and yellow shape.

Curiosity taking over, Twilight walked to the top of a small grass-covered hill, which was currently playing host to a couple of rabbits and one pegasus pony. The pony was standing stock still, wings pulled tight against her sides, facing the forests beyond the meadowlands. Even as Twilight approached, the pony remained entirely still and quiet, only her mane and tail waving gently in the breeze.

"Hi Fluttershy! What's up in this-"

"AAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEE!!!"

"AUGH!"

Twilight fell on her rump, gasping for breath as her heart thundered in her chest. A slowly descending cloud of dust and flower petals was all that remained of Fluttershy until a few moments later when the timid pegasus peeked back up over the crest of the hill, blue eyes wide as saucers.

"...Twilight? Is that you?"

"Yes it's me," said Twilight, trying and failing to keep the annoyance out of her tone, "and you scared the manure out of me! What the hay Fluttershy?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you, but you scared me, and I was so scared I guess it scared you too. Oh dear."

Twilight rolled her eyes as she pulled herself back up onto her hooves. Fluttershy crept back to the top of the hill, looking fearfully about as if expecting additional unicorns to appear out of nowhere. Twilight tilted her head to one side.

"Uh... you're acting even more nervous than usual. Is something wrong?"

Fluttershy nodded frantically.

"Ooohhh yes Twilight, something is wrong. Something is very very wrong!"

They stared at each other for nearly a full minute before Twilight's ears laid back in irritation.

"You want to tell me what it is?"

"Oh! Oh my, yes. Well, you see, I'm being chased by a monster."

The unicorn's eyes widened and she quickly turned around, scanning the surrounding environs for any unsavory-looking creatures. When she'd completed her search and found nothing any more intimidating than a rabbit, she turned back to Fluttershy with a small frown.

"You are?"

"Oh yes!" Fluttershy nodded vigorously, "I saw it just this morning, over by the forest! Oh it was just horrible Twilight, a great tall thin monster, like a tree! Its coat was all mismatched colors and it walked on two legs-" she got up on her own hind hooves and took a few wobbly steps to demonstrate "-and its forelegs ended in these terrible fleshy claws! Oh, and its face, Twilight, it was all punched in and mean looking, and covered in bushy hair, and it was wearing glasses!"

She paused as she noticed the unicorn's expression, which consisted of a raised eyebrow and an open-mouthed grimace. Fluttershy lowered her own head until her mane fell forward and partially hid her face from view.

"I... I have never heard of... anything... like that," said Twilight at last. "Glasses you say?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"... are you sure that was a monster, Fluttershy? Is it possible that it was... I don't know... anything else?"

"Pinkie Pie said it was a space pony," the butter colored pegasus supplied.

"Pinkie said... why does that not surprise me," groaned Twilight, wiping a hoof down the front of her face. "Did Pinkie Pie have anything else to say on this subject?"

Fluttershy nodded. "Yes, she said I had to be very careful that the space pony didn't see me, because if it did then it would probably want to touch my butt."

Twilight gaped. Fluttershy pawed the ground in front of herself nervously.

"So, so I've been standing up on top of this hill, so I can see everywhere around me and so, so if the space pony shows up again, I'll see it coming and I can run away."

"...but... Fluttershy, I snuck up on you without even trying."

"...I'm not very good at it."

Twilight sighed and took a few steps forward, putting a foreleg around Fluttershy's withers.

"Okay, listen to me. There is no such thing as space ponies."

"But, but Pinkie said..."

"Yes, I know Pinkie said. But Fluttershy, please tell me that you know that there are instances, and many of them, where Pinkie Pie is not an entirely reliable source of information."

Fluttershy averted her gaze and nodded.

"Well, I would submit that this is one such instance. I don't know what it is that you saw, but I very much doubt that it came from space, and I really don't think it wants to do anything to your butt. So why don't you just go home to be with your animals, okay?"

Fluttershy nodded.

"I... I think I'd like that... I was starting to get kind of hungry."

"Well there you go! Go home, have a nice lunch, and forget all about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go have a long and serious talk with Pinkie Pie about when it is and is not appropriate to make very bad jokes."

* * *

Fluttershy sighed with relief as she walked into her cottage, nudging the door shut behind her. She felt very silly, now. Twilight was right, she did know better than to take Pinkie Pie at her word, especially when bizarre tales about extra Equestrian life forms was involved. She'd just seemed so convincing...

"You silly filly," she admonished herself as she walked across the living room and towards her kitchen, "you're going to give yourself a heart attack one of these days. Now get some lunch and stop worrying about the strange creature that's sitting on the couch."

She stopped mid-stride, eyes practically bugging out of her skull. Fluttershy slowly turned her head just enough to look behind herself out of the corner of one eye.

The space pony smiled.

Fluttershy let out a shriek that could have shattered glassware and fled as fast as her hooves could carry her. She managed a very impressive turn of speed for all of two seconds before she discovered that fleeing when your eyes are tightly closed in fear is not the wisest of decisions and plowed directly into the wall. Knocked silly by the impact, she wasted precious moments scrabbling bock onto her hooves and getting her bearings. By the time she knew what was going on again the space pony had already risen to its feet and was moving towards her with long, loping strides of those terrible legs.

Fluttershy's fight or flight instincts had kicked in long ago, and as per usual her first option was flight. But as the space pony approached her she quickly realized that retreat was no longer an option. With no other choices left, she went all out with the rarely used "fight" setting.

"Go away!" she wailed, flailing with her front hooves while she closed her eyes tightly and turned away so she didn't have to look, "Please, just go away! If you come any nearer I'll... I'll... I'll do something!"

The space pony took each of her hooves in one of its claws, easily stopping their frantic movement. Fluttershy took in a breath and prepared to scream again.

She paused when she felt herself pulled against another body, arms wrapping around her. Cringing, Fluttershy slowly opened one eye.

The space pony had knelt down beside Fluttershy and was holding her firmly against itself, face buried in her mane. Fluttershy whimpered, tensed and ready for whatever was going to happen next. The space pony's grip tightened ever so slightly for a moment, and then it let out a long, shuddering sigh.

Fluttershy blinked.

"... um... excuse me... Mister Space Pony? Um, are you... are you hugging me?"

The space pony said "Mph."

Glancing around, Fluttershy slowly extricated one of her arms from the embrace and gently patted the space pony's shoulder.

"Uhm... there there?"

The space pony let out another sigh, its grip loosening just slightly. Fluttershy nickered softly and put her arms around the space pony, hugging it as firmly as she dared. She could feel its glasses poking her as it pressed its face against the warm fur of her shoulder.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the space pony released her. Fluttershy sat down on her rump, staring up at the strange creature with wide eyes as it rose back to a standing position. The space pony smiled at her again, then reached down and patted her gently on the head. That done, it turned and walked over to the door, manipulating the knob with its bizarre appendage before going outside, closing the door behind it.

Fluttershy watched it go in stunned silence, and continued to stare at the door for several long moments after it had left.

"... what the buck was that!?"

The Stranger

The Stranger

“Did you feel something?”

Twilight Sparkle looked around curiously, her ears twitching, eyes wide in confusion. A moment later they narrowed in annoyance as Rainbow Dash draped herself over the purple unicorn, lightly nibbling one of her ears.

“Oh yeah,” muttered the sky blue pegasus, “I’m feeling something alright.”

“No,” sighed Twilight, shifting her weight in a half-hearted attempt to dislodge Rainbow. “I’m serious, my horn’s tingling.”

Dash perked up even more, a wide grin splitting her face and her wings slowly unfurling to their full span. Twilight stared at her, an expression of confusion slowly giving way to disgust. Rainbow blinked and hopped off of Twilight’s back so she could nudge the unicorn’s haunch with her nose.

“So we doing this or what?” she asked, still grinning. Twilight’s expression grew more incredulous by the second.

“What?”

“The thing with your horn,” said Rainbow, her smile starting to falter just a little. “That’s unicorn code, right? You gettin’ all riled up? You ready to go, Sparkles? You want some of the Dash?”

Twilight stared at Dash for another couple of seconds before she rolled her eyes and trotted away. Rainbow watched her go, wings slowly drooping.

“...so that’s like, a rain check, right? We gonna do it later? ...Twilight?”

Lyra and Bonbon were sitting at a table outside a small cafe, drinking hay smoothies and chatting about whatever happened to cross their minds. Like how one actually made a smoothie out of hay. Bonbon suspected magic, but Lyra was pretty sure that couldn’t be all there was to it. The mint-colored unicorn was about to expound on her theory about extra Equestian lifeforms when she abruptly paused and held a hoof to her forehead, grimacing.

“Wagh,” she muttered, “what was that?”

“What was what?” asked Bonbon, blinking in confusion, “are you okay?”

“Is your horn vibrating?” asked Twilight Sparkle. Lyra and Bonbon jumped slightly in their seats, not having seen the purple unicorn’s approach. Lyra quickly nodded, however

“Yeah, did you feel it too?”

“A couple of times,” said Twilight, frowning a little, “it feels like it’s getting worse.”

“What in the wide world of Equestria are you two going on about?” asked Bonbon, brows crinkling in confusion. Rainbow Dash landed beside her and threw a hoof around the earth pony’s cream-colored shoulders.

“Don’t bother,” said the pegasus, “it’s some kind of weird unicorn thing. Twilight’s kind of being a jerk about it.”

“Our horns are resonating,” said Lyra, glaring at Rainbow Dash until she stopped touching Bonbon. “It means there’s some really powerful magic going on somewhere nearby.”

“Really?” Rainbow perked up, “that sounds pretty cool. What kind of magic?”

“It could be a lot of things,” answered Twilight, looking around as if she expected to see the source in Ponyville’s streets somewhere. “Anything powerful enough to affect Equestria’s background magic in some way.”

“So like... a giant glowy rift in the sky maybe?” hazarded Bonbon.

“Yeah,” said Twilight, eyes widening, “that could definitely do it. ...that seems... oddly specific though, why do you...?”

Bonbon wordlessly raised her hoof towards the sky. The other ponies turned to follow her gaze and found themselves staring at an enormous multicolored swirl of energy high in the sky above them, pulsing with magic. The unicorn’s horns started to visibly twitch.

“Oh,” said Twilight, wincing, “yeah that’s probably it.”

“That is so metal,” breathed Rainbow Dash.

The rift convulsed suddenly, flexing like a living thing, and then vomited out a burst of light and color. Something, a great struggling mass that screamed as it fell, shot out of the rift and flailed towards the ground like a meteor. With one final pulse of magic that drew a strained cry from Lyra and a sharp gasp from Twilight the portal folded in on itself and disappeared from sight.

“What in the name of Celestia’s sweet sun-spotted rump was that!?” Bonbon wailed.

“I don’t have any idea,” said Twilight, “but I’m gonna check it out!”

Without any warning, the unicorn vaulted onto Rainbow Dash’s back, drawing a strangled yelp from the pegasus as she instinctively shot up into the air. Twilight gripped with her knees and pointed forwards dramatically with one hoof as Rainbow bucked and twisted underneath her.

“Quickly Dash! Fly! It’s the only thing you’re good at!”

“I’m going to scrape you off with a low-hanging branch, bookworm!”

“Sure, whatever, just use your wings! I know you’re at least as curious as I am.”

“Rrrrrgh... fine! But you owe me!”

The shot off into the sky, Twilight’s brief shriek of surprise producing an unusual doppler effect as they traveled. Lyra and Bonbon watched them go, blinking, and then slowly turned to look at each other. They noted that they were wearing identical expressions of utter bafflement, and nodded in unspoken consensus before heading back into the cafe to trade their hay smoothies for something a little stronger.

Rainbow Dash’s multicolored contrail described a shallow parabola across the sky between the Ponyville cafe and the enormous crater that had been punched in the ground in a large clearing on the town’s outskirts. Rainbow landed a few pony lengths away from the wreckage, alighting on all four hooves before bucking upwards powerfully with her hips and dumping Twilight Sparkle into a nearby bush. The unicorn flailed for a moment before rolling out of the plant with leaves in her mane.

“What the hay Dash!? I was trying to be quiet! We don’t know what that thing is!”

“What, you mean whatever got spat out of that giant magic hole in the sky?” asked Rainbow. “Pretty sure it’s not in much shape to mess with us after that. I know I wouldn’t be.”

“I hope it’s still alive, if it was in the first place,” said Twilight, sneaking up to the rim of the crater. “Can you see if it’s moving or not?”

Whatever it was, it moved. Rising out of the crater on great wings of polished black, it threw back a horned, skull-like helmet and released an earth-shaking bellow of what could only be described as inarticulate rage. Twilight and Rainbow let out twin shrieks of bladder-emptying terror and leaped back into the bushes. If the thing noticed them it gave no sign, rising further into the air with great sweeps of its terrible wings.

“What is that?” gasped Rainbow, staring at the newcomer as it flew heavily upwards. “It looks like some kind of monster! Look, I think it’s wings are made of metal! How is that possible!?”

“I don’t have any idea,” said Twilight, swallowing nervously, “maybe some kind of magically animated construct? It moves really smoothly though, I think it must be alive.”

Rainbow Dash grinned, tail twitching, as curiosity overcame her trepidation. “Let’s get a closer look!”

“Wait wha- agh!” Twilight yelped as the pegasus slithered underneath her legs and jumped back into the air, holding on as tightly as she could with all four limbs as Dash rose up to match the bizarre thing’s altitude. It was remaining more or less still now, twisting its head around as if to look around itself in every direction, clearly confused by its surroundings. They could see now that the thing was entirely cloaked in jointed metal, great steel talons emerging from all four of its limbs. The tattered remains of a long blue cloak was wrapped around its body, held by an assortment of lengths of chain. Rearing up as if on its hind legs, wings pumping slowly to keep it stationary, the beast raised one foreclaw and traced a circle in the air. To both ponies’ surprise, the gesture left a circle of golden light behind, which coalesced into a shimmering disk rimmed by a ribbon of bizarre glowing symbols. The thing began sweeping it slowly across the sky, looking through it as if it were some kind of giant magnifying lens.

“What is it doing?” asked Rainbow Dash. Twilight could only shake her head.

“I’m not sure. It’s some kind of magic, I know that, but it’s not like anything I’ve ever heard of before. It’s using runes, but why would it channel the energy through its claws instead of its horns? It doesn’t make any sense.”

The thing turned towards them in its sweep, passing the disc of magic in front of its face. Twilight gasped. When she looked through the circle the beast changed its appearance, as if its armor was stripped away and she could see what it looked like inside. It was only for a moment, but she could make out a short, mean-looking face, streaked with blood and half-obscured by a long dark mane. Its teeth, strangely sharp, were gritted as if in rage, and she found herself looking into its furiously glaring bloodshot eyes.

Then the disc swept upwards, and the creature startled, immediately rising further upwards into the air. Twilight gasped in shock, and almost fell off of Rainbow Dash.

“It’s a true seeing spell!” she cried, “it’s looking for something! Something that can’t be seen with ordinary vision!”

“Well I think it found it,” said Rainbow, pointing. The monster had come to a halt and was hovering in mid-air again, holding the magic circle in front of itself. As the ponies watched the ring of magic began to expand, sprouting more circles around its edge, manipulated by sweeping gestures of the creature’s claws.

Frowning, Twilight cast a spell of her own, a light purple glow surrounding her eyes as she concentrated on what the beast was doing. Her mouth fell open as she realized what she was looking at.

“There’s a hole in the magical field!” she almost screamed. This time she did fall off of Rainbow Dash, who quickly swooped underneath the unicorn to catch her.

“Woah there egghead,” she soothed, “what does that even mean? What’s a magic field? Corn that picks itself?”

“Oh my gosh how do you ponies live with your ignorance!?” snapped Twilight, temporarily distracted by Rainbow’s obliviousness. “Equestria’s magical field is the background energy that makes magic possible! There is a hole in it! Bonbon was even more right than she thought she was, that big glowy thing was a tear in the fabric of reality itself!”

Twilight’s head snapped back around to look at the creature, who had finished placing an intricate web of rune-encrusted magic circles around the edges of the rift. Now it reared back, apparently gathering magical power in one outstretched claw. A visible ball of raw energy appeared in its hand, throbbing with power. Twilight’s horn began to tingle.

“... and it’s going to try and open it back up!”

Rainbow Dash took in Twilight’s panicked expression and gulped. “That’s bad, right?”

“If it succeeds it could make the rift bigger! Do you know where the biggest identified rift in Equestria’s magical field is!?”

“Uh, no?”

Twilight grabbed Rainbow and pulled her closer until their noses were almost touching, her wide purple eyes boring into the unicorn’s magenta ones.

“The middle of the Everfree Forest!”

For perhaps the first time in history, Rainbow Dash was entirely speechless. Above them, the beast gathered all of its collected energy into one fist, and slammed it into the rift. Twilight let out a panicked scream as her horn began to vibrate. The air around them rang like a gong, sending them tumbling. Unable to move her wings properly anymore, Rainbow Dash dropped.

The bushes once again accepted the two ponies with leafy hands. Their landing wasn’t soft by any means, but it was better than the broken bones they might have suffered otherwise. As it was, Rainbow was barely coherent enough to realize that the cacophony of color and noise above them had died down almost as quickly as it started. Twilight sat upright, rubbing her aching horn, just in time to see the monster with the metal wings impact with the ground for the second time in so many minutes.

“...does that mean it didn’t work?” asked Rainbow. Twilight looked upwards and breathed a sigh of relief.

“No, the rift doesn’t look any bigger. I wonder why it wasn’t able to...”

A low throbbing snarl escaped the thing as it rose onto its hind legs. Its right arm hung limp and bloody at its side and its left clenched into a trembling fist as it glared upwards at the sky. Wings spread wide, it made a screaming noise that would have frightened a dragon. Rainbow’s ears flattened against her head as she watched the monster yell.

“Dang that thing is ticked off,” she said, “and it makes a lot of really weird noises.”

“I think that’s a language,” said Twilight, eyes wide, “if we could figure out what it speaks, maybe we can communicate with it!”

“Why the hay would we want to do that!?” asked Rainbow, “you just said this thing tried to turn Ponyville into the Everfree Forest! I say we Elements of Harmony its metal butt back to wherever it came from!”

“We don’t know for sure what it was trying to do,” said Twilight urgently, “and we don’t have any idea where it came from. It was just shot through a rift in the fabric of spacetime! It could be from anywhere, any when, any world at all! This is our chance to actually interact with an extra Equestrian life form! … why is it so quiet all of a sudden?”

Rainbow Dash swallowed and took a few nervous steps backwards. Twilight turned slowly, eyeing the strange metal beast. It had stopped yelling, and now stood very still. Only its head was moving, and it was slowly turning to look right at them. The unicorn attempted to smile as nonthreateningly as she could.

“Okay Dash,” she whispered, “this is it. First contact! Try not to screw up too badly.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” grumped Rainbow, walking forward just enough to throw a protective wing across Twilight’s withers. “Why am I the one who has to worry about screwing up?”

“Because it’s you.”

“I’m going to hurt you after this is over, Sparkle.”

It moved. In the time it took Twilight to blink the thing was suddenly there within arm’s reach of her, hunched over the ponies as if it was studying them with the hollow eye sockets in its mask. Rainbow let out a strangled cry of surprise and scooted backwards, wings spread in an instinctive flight or fight response. Twilight managed to hold her ground through sheer force of will, grimacing up at the stranger in a way that she hoped was vaguely welcoming. Slowly, she raised one hoof and waved.

“Hello!” Twilight said brightly. Behind her, she could hear Rainbow Dash’s facehoof.

The beast crouched low so that its horns were hovering on either side of Twilight’s, and from somewhere within the depths of its mask’s eye sockets came a red glow. Twilight tried to swallow, but found her throat suddenly dry as she remembered the glimpse she’d gotten of the thing’s face. She could remember its eyes, filled with anger. She imagined she could see them now, behind that crimson light, glaring down at her.

“Twilight?” asked Rainbow nervously, “you okay over there? What’s it doing?”

Twilight didn’t answer, her tongue was too heavy to move. All she could do was stare upwards into the red lights of the thing’s eyes. The eyes stared back at her, boring into her skull and seeking further inside of her. She could feel her mind laid out like a book against the back of her skull and the beast reading it, paging through her soul in search of information. Panic began to rise in the back of her throat as the monster chuckled softly to itself. A deep, hollow, unmistakably masculine voice, like metal scrap falling into the bottom of an old well, spoke for the first time in a way that the unicorn could understand.

“Tell me your secrets, you tiny purple... thing...”

“GET AWAY FROM HER!”

A wall of lavender magic hit the ground immediately in front of Twilight’s nose, and the monster jerked backwards, startled. The purple unicorn reared back with a whinny of surprise, her eyes rolling in terror as she backed away. Rainbow Dash was beside her an instant later, trying to calm her down. Panting, Twilight blinked as a new figure stepped in front of her, a broad white pony clad in purple barding, blue streaked tail lashing his flanks in anger.

“... Shining Armor...?”

Shining turned to her with a strained smile. “Hey Twily. The princess thought you could use some help. Relax, I got this.”

“What the fu...” muttered the beast, backing away further from Shining Armor’s shield as a team of royal unicorn guards began to close in around him, hemming him in with their brightly glowing horns. Laughter, low and mocking, began to rise up from the depths of his skull mask as Shining Armor raised one hoof to signal the guards.

“Prepare suppressing fire!” he commanded, “on my mark!” Twilight’s eyes almost popped out of her skull in surprise. The unicorn guards lowered their heads as magic built up along the shimmering lengths of their horns.

“Wait! Shining, don’t-”

The monster with the metal wings rose into the air. He didn’t stop laughing, pauldron-covered shoulders shaking with joyless mirth. Flashes of golden magic twisted around his left arm to gather in a clawed hand.

Shining Armor’s eyes narrowed. “Fire!”

As one, blasts of stunning magical force erupted from the guard’s horns. In the same instant the beast raised his hand and conjured another circle. This time the runes marked the edge of a vast shield, protecting the monster behind a round plane of coherent light. The unicorns’ spells impacted against the barrier with a noise like thunder, and then rebounded, hammering into the ground and sending up plumes of smoke. When it cleared, Shining Armor’s guards lay stunned and groaning on the cratered earth, and the metal monstrosity alighted once more on his hind legs, still chuckling quietly, eyes burning crimson.

“How strange that even animals forget their place,” he mused, “and so I must remind them.”

Shining Armor bellowed wordlessly in rage as he charged, hot magic rising up from his horn and bursting outwards in front of him. The power flowed like water pouring into a mold before hardening into a solid shape, a great blade of raw magic that he brought down with a swing of his head. The thing with the metal wings raised his right arm to block the attack, and the magic sword made a great metallic ringing noise as it dented the gauntlet. Snarling, the armored creature smacked Shining Armor’s magic aside with a sweep of his arm, scattering drops of blood and splinters of metal.

The metal thing hissed, red and gold magic crackling like lightning over his claws. Shining Armor snorted and pounded his forehooves on the ground, magic flaring out of his horn as he conjured another sword. They started for each other, but before the pony and the monster could butt heads they were intercepted by a streak of rainbow colors and a loud, scratchy voice.

“That’s enough!” yelled Rainbow Dash at the top of her lungs, “cut it out, both of you!”

Shining Armor paused out of sheer confusion, his sword spell tilting slightly downwards as he came to a halt. The steel beast also paused, his helmet tilting slightly to one side. The red glow in his eye sockets dimmed just slightly. “What do you want, little winged blue horse mutant?”

Rainbow gaped at him for a moment, then shook her head and pointed an only slightly trembling hoof. “What did you do to Twilight!?”

The thing tilted his head to look past Rainbow Dash to where Twilight Sparkle was sitting and staring back at him. She jumped slightly as the creature’s eyeless gaze settled on her, then narrowed her eyes just slightly in defiance. The beast nodded once and then turned back to Rainbow.

“I needed some information,” he said, “she’ll be fine.”

Shining Armor snarled and his sword rose again. Rainbow glanced at him and then back to the thing, pointing again. “Alright, then just... who are you? What are you!?”

“I have often been called ‘Destroyer’,” he answered, stretching his right arm. Rainbow winced as she heard metal crackling and bones crunching back into place. “As for what... well, no, that covers both questions quite well, actually.”

“Rainbow Dash,” said Shining Armor curtly, “stand back.”

“Um, dude, have you been paying attention?” asked Rainbow, gesturing to the other guards, who were only just now starting to shake off the effects of their own spells. “This guy’s twice your size, and he almost ripped a hole in the universe. He’s gonna kick your haunches.”

Destroyer didn’t feel the need to add anything to that.

“I anticipated that line of reasoning,” said Shining Armor, quite calmly for a pony hefting an eight foot blade made of raw magic, “and I have prepared a counterpoint.”

He raised his hoof. Rainbow Dash and Destroyer looked upwards to see an entire battalion of pegasus guards hovering in the air above them. Most of the winged ponies hovered in a domed formation around the clearing while others were forming a perimeter around Ponyville itself. One saluted at Shining Armor.

“Ponyville has been secured, sir!”

“Good!” answered Shining, a satisfied smile forming on his face. “Prepare for containment procedure! Maximum threat level!”

Destroyer spread his steel pinions. “That’s not going to happen.”

With a roar of displaced air the metal monster blasted into the sky, scattering pegasus ponies like ninepins. They gave chase immediately, the dome collapsing and reforming to follow and surround the speeding steel monstrosity. Destroyer zigzagged like a mad thing, juking and spinning through the air, but it wasn’t enough to lose the ever constricting sphere of armored pegasi.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Rainbow asked skeptically.

“They don’t have any spells for him to bounce,” said Shining, “They just need to keep him... what is he doing now?”

“Did he catch fire?” Rainbow said even more skeptically.

Destroyer’s outline blurred. Thick clouds of smoke were billowing out of his armor and spreading through the air, propelled by flaps of his massive wings. The pegasus guards continued to surround him but stopped moving in closer as the beast’s form became entirely obscured.

Shining Armor’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “What does he think he’s...”

The mass of smoke exploded outwards, sending the pegasi fleeing, choking and coughing. They reformed quickly, but by then it was too late. Destroyer was gone, and the smoke had split into innumerable individual clouds that were already streaking towards the ground.

Towards Ponyville.

If the guards had been able to organize the chase there might have been enough of them to follow each stream of smoke. Shocked and off-balance, they could only watch as the clouds landed in a hundred places within the small town, touching down in alleys and behind trees, invading every scrap of shadow. And leaving not a trace of the steel-armored stranger behind.

Shining Armor picked his jaw off the ground and turned to one of the unicorns who had finally managed to get their manure together. “Organize a search!” he shouted, “I want you to go over every inch of the town with a curry comb!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

Shining armor watched him go. Then he did a short, angry dance, pounding his hooves on the ground while he swore at himself for a few moments. Once he’d gotten that out of his system he ran to his sister.

“Twily?” he asked as he nuzzled her carefully. “Are you alright? He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“I... don’t think so,” Twilight said carefully as Rainbow nuzzled her from the other side. “It felt... weird... kind of overwhelming, but... he was just... looking for something? I want to say it felt like our minds touched. It didn’t actually feel like that at all, but it’s the only way I can describe it. He just looked inside me for a second... and I got a glimpse of him, too.”

“Really?” asked Rainbow, interested despite herself. “What did you see?”

“I can’t remember,” said Twilight, shaking her head, “but it made me want to cry.”

-

Buster stared upwards in awe as the royal guards chased what looked like a giant monster across the sky. The pegasus hopped up and down in excitement as he watched the display. He’d heard that all kinds of crazy things happened in Ponyville, but he’d never imagined he’d get to see anything like this!

Then he let out a gasp as the monster the guards were chasing turned itself into a cloud and exploded. Well that was weird, what kind of monster turned itself into clouds and blew up? And why were the little bits of cloud all falling downwards? In fact, one of them was headed... right... for...

Buster screamed like a filly as a blast of black cloud hit him with all the force of a poorly stuffed pillow. Sobbing hysterically, he flew away as quickly as he could. He had to get out of this town.

As a result, Buster wasn’t there to see the cloud slowly settle to the ground and then collapse into itself, solidifying into a shape. In fact, nopony was there to see the smoke assume the shape of a large, powerfully built pegasus, flapping his wings experimentally as he looked around to get his bearings. The new pegasus had a navy blue coat, so dark it was almost black. A long, unkempt auburn mane shadowed his dark eyes, and a tail of the same color snapped agitatedly behind him.

“... So... ponies, hm?”

He stretched his wings and glanced behind himself with a smirk. The image of a circle of chain, broken in several places, adorned his haunch. Snorting, the new pony took one last look around to make sure he was alone, and then set off down the road, heedless of the spots of blood left behind by his right forehoof.

-Currently The End

Terrible Short Story About Terrible OCs

A khaki colored earth pony with a scruffy brown mane and a cutie mark shaped like a mustache steps through the door of Morton’s, pausing to chuckle at the sign proudly declaring that the establishment is Ponyville’s premier dive. Glancing around, the pony’s stubbly face twitches into a smile as he spots his friends already at the bar and trots over.

“Howdy Hunter,” he says, slipping in between them and nodding to the bartender, “And Bug. How goes?”

“Aight,” says Hunter, a drab green pegasus stallion with a curly orange mane and a pronounced belly. His cutie mark is a stylized raccoon. Bug, a tall navy blue unicorn with a dark gray mane and beetle cutie mark, turns to his friend with a warm smile.

“Hi Friendly Uncle, how was your day?”

“Could have been better, could have been worse,” Friendly shrugs noncommittally and slides a few bits across the bar as the proprietor hoofs him his usual.

“Oh hey, that reminds me,” says Hunter, after polishing off his drink and while gesturing for another. “How’d your meeting with the rapist go?”

The bar is already pretty quiet, so there’s no appreciable alteration in noise level at this statement. Friendly Uncle and Bug both slowly turn to stare at Hunter. Bug’s jaw is hanging open in shock. Friendly’s eyes have widened very nearly to the size of dinner plates.

“What?” he manages.

“The rapist you were going to see today,” says Hunter entirely nonchalantly. “How’d that go?”

“I… what?” Friendly Uncle’s jaw is working continuously but he is producing very little actual noise. “I didn’t meet any pony like that. What in Celestia’s mane gave you that idea?”

“Bug told me. He said you were going to see the rapist.”

Hunter points a hoof at the unicorn, who rears back in surprise, looking even more horrified than he had a moment ago. Then his eyes widen slowly in dawning realization and he returns to all fours, eyebrows slowly knotting in irritation. Friendly and Hunter watch in rapt fascination as Bug removes his glasses so that he can facehoof properly.

”Therapist,” the unicorn groans, “I said ‘therapist’, Hunter.”

“That’s what I said,” replies Hunter, who is now grinning from ear to ear.

Uncle and Bug roll their eyes and go back to their drinks. Hunter chuckles for a moment before taking another swig of his own, extending one wing to prod Friendly in the side.

“No, seriously, how’d it go? Did it help?”

“I think it’s going to be a while before I know if it really helps or not,” says Uncle, frowning into the amber depths of his glass. “It’s only been one session so far, but she’s already made some interesting suggestions.”

“Anything you’ve been able to put into practice?” asks Bug.

“Well, she told me that if I’m going to make any long term improvements I need to stop treating my mood as something that’s outside of my control and start acting to change it,” explains Uncle, making vague motions with his hooves as he translates his thoughts into words. “For instance, when I find myself getting depressed, I’m supposed to consciously shake myself out of it by concentrating on something that makes me happy instead of thinking about how depressed I am. It’s actually been helping immensely.”

“So… you go to your happy place?” asks Hunter, one eyebrow raised. Friendly shrugs.

“Basically, yeah.”

“That sounds like it would help,” muses Bug, “are you focusing on any one thing in particular?”

“Yep,” answers Friendly cheerfully, “DJ P0N3’s ass.”

His friends look at him. Bug quirks a quizzical eyebrow. Hunter’s ears perk up.

“Vinyl Scratch? The mare that does all those techno remixes?”

“Yeah,” Friendly smirks a little, “Bug and I saw her in concert last year during her Pony After All tour. The only seats we could afford were the ones behind the stage. We were kind of upset about that at first, but after all was said and done I think we had some of the best seats in the house.”

“Oh yeah?” Hunter grins, “the show was better from that angle?”

“She spent most of her time behind a little turntable at the front of the stage,” says Bug, “we couldn’t see it from where we were sitting.”

“It was a full moon that night,” says Friendly with a satisfied sigh.

Hunter’s smile starts to fade a little as he happens to glance at something behind him. “This Vinyl Scratch,” he says, “white unicorn with a kind of stripey blue mane and tail?”

“And a rump like two basketballs made of marshmallow,” chuckles Friendly, “Why do you ask?”

Hunter doesn’t say anything. Friendly Uncle takes in his carefully neutral expression and the direction he’s facing and heaves a deep sigh.

“In defiance of all laws of probability, she’s standing right behind me, isn’t she?”

Bug, who has turned around for a better look, solemnly nods. Friendly Uncle rubs a hoof down the length of his face and turns around. Standing behind him are three mares, all of whom are apparently staring at him. He waves at the one on his left.

“Hiya Pinkie.”

“Hiya Uncle Friendly!” giggles Pinkie Pie, waving back energetically. Friendly turns to the rightmost mare and offers what he fervently hopes is an ingratiating smile.

“Rainbow Dash right? Nice to meet you.”

Rainbow nods, the bare minimum of acknowledgement. Friendly focuses his attention on the third mare sandwiched in between the two. She might be looking at him, it’s hard to tell with those sunglasses. She’s facing him, at least.

“And you must be Vinyl Scratch. I’m a big fan! Of your music. The soundtrack to Pron was amazing.”

They look at each other for a long moment. Uncle’s smile becomes increasingly strained as the seconds tick by.

“…Pinkie?” says Vinyl at last, “Can we… go someplace else?”

“Yeah,” says the pink mare, “I think that’s a good idea.”

They turn to leave. Dash goes with a roll of her eyes and an annoyed flip of her mane. Pinkie smiles apologetically back at them. Vinyl walks very stiffly, as if she is very carefully not swaying her hips.

When the door closes behind them Uncle slowly turns back around. He swallows the rest of his drink in one gulp, and then smacks his head down on the bar. Bug pats him gently on the withers.

“… so what are you thinking about now?” asks Hunter.

“How depressed I am.”

Belly Rubs

Belly Rubs

Twilight moaned sensually as I worked my magic. Behind her, I grinned at the sight of the prim and proper alicorn princess throwing her head back and forth in response to my touch. Her hooves stamped and her wings twitched, her entire body trembling. Twilight was an instrument, and I played her with the skill of an artist.

“Yesss,” she groaned, “right there... that’s.... so good...”

“How about I go a little harder?” I asked, meticulously rubbing.

“Harder... harder sounds good...” she slurred, her body rocking gently from the force of my ministrations, “just a little...”

“Your wish is my command,” I said, admittedly a little smugly, as I increased the tempo. Twilight’s low moan graduated to a noise that was almost a whine, and I could see her eyes rolling upwards and into the back of her head.

Then the door to the Golden Oaks Library opened to admit one Rarity Unicorn, as usually so focused on the tip of her own nose that she didn’t even notice what was happening right in front of her for a good twenty seconds.

“Good morning Twilight! I just happened to be going through some swatches today and I found some cloth that I think would make lovely additions to your royal wardrobe, not to mention our friendly interdimensional traveler and I just had to... to... oh sweet merciful Celestia what is going on here!?”

“Rarity!?” Twilight barely managed to remember her friend’s name in the midst of her daze, “No, it’s not what it looks like!”

“‘It’s not what it looks like’?” I said incredulously as I stopped scratching Twilight’s back. “Great job Purplesmart, that’ll throw her off the trail.”

Twilight did whine a little now, hunching her shoulders and furling her wings as she glared at me over her shoulder. “I’m not trying to throw anypony off anything, I’m serious! This isn’t... whatever it looks like! And you know my name!”

“Nicknames are a sign of affection where I’m from,” I lied, enjoying the way her eye twitched when I said it. Meanwhile, Rarity rolled her eyes and plopped her saddlebags onto a convenient table before trotting over to us.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” said the light gray unicorn, “If this isn’t what it looks like, exactly what is it? Because what it looks like is he’s giving you a backrub.”

Twilight blinked, craning her neck around to glance at herself, fur mussed up about the flanks and shoulders, her feathers in minor disarray, mane somewhat frazzled. She looked up in my direction for inspiration, got nothing but a shrug in that area, and then turned back to Rarity. The pale unicorn raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

“...okay yeah, he was giving me a backrub,” said Twilight, refusing to meet Rarity’s gaze.

“Really Twilight?” Rarity said with a flip of her mane, “come now, must you engage in something so... so base? You’re a princess, but you’re letting him grope and fondle you like some kind of animal?”

I was about to object, I do a lot of fondling but I have never been a groper, but Twilight beat me to it. The purple alicorn stomped her hoof in what she probably thought was an intimidating manner but actually just made her more adorable. Rarity looked confused.

“What, so you can get a massage every week but if one of my friends wants to scratch my back that’s a bad thing?” asked Twilight archly. “Besides, he gives the best backrubs Rarity you have no idea, it’s like getting brushed and massaged at the same time. He will turn your spine into butter.”

“Aloe and Lotus are professionals, and I pay them, and they are ponies,” said Rarity, “he is just petting you like a dog. ...and it can’t be that good.”

Twilight turned and grinned at me. “Wanna bet? Show her number five.”

Yes, she’s numbered my moves. Some of them. The ones I’ve shown her anyway. Ordinarily I don’t go in for this kind of thing, but Rarity can be kind of a bitch, so I was anxious to wipe the smirk off her face. So I slid a hand up behind each of Twi’s wings and dug my fingers in.

The effects were immediate. Twilight dropped her head and her legs went all wobbly and I could feel her muscles turning into jelly. Rarity’s eyes widened as the purple alicorn let out a series of inarticulate moans while my fingers dug into her muscles and worked out all the knots.

“That...” Rarity appeared mildly aghast, “that is very nearly indecent.”

“This... is.... the best... ever...!” moaned Twilight, her tongue lolling out. “A little... to the left please... just a little more... oh Celestia’s ass right there I can never reach that spot! Yeeessss...!”

Rarity’s expression graduated from mild disgust to something resembling alarm as I kneaded Twilight’s wing pits. The alicorn moaned out loud again, her tongue lolling out and her wings folding and unfolding themselves compulsively as I dugs my fingers into her flight muscles.

“Rarity,” she gasped, “Rarity, come closer...”

Rarity blinked and did so.

“Rarity,” moaned purplesmart, “you gotta try this.”

Twilight dragged herself out of my grip, yelping softly as my fingers stroked down her sides and over her cutie marks. Grinning hugely at me, she stumbled over to a cushion and settled down to do some preening. Rarity watched her go, and then turned to regard me with a skeptical eye. For my part, I simply smiled and waggled my fingers.

“Nnnnnnnnngggggalright you can try it,” she said after a long moment, turning around to present herself to me, her tail curled protectively underneath her body. “But be careful where you put those ‘hands’ of yours, sir. I am not a loose pony.”

I was inclined to agree with that, but I resisted the urge to suggest that I could probably have stuck a piece of coal in one of her orifices and gotten back a diamond. Leaning forward, I started with her shoulders, using my thumbs to gently dig in and locate any knots. I was not in any way surprised to note that Rarity was stiff as a board, and it took me quite a bit longer than usual to bring her out of it. Fortunately, no pony can withstand my fingers for long, and it was with deep satisfaction that I drew a deep groan out of the prissy pony by running the heels of my hands up and down the length of her spine.

“You like that?” asked Twilight a little smugly. Rarity made a gesture with one of her forehooves that I’d come to identify as the pony equivalent of flipping the bird. I chuckled and continued moving steadily backwards, graduating from rubbing Rarity’s back to working the thick muscles of her haunches. Rarity went still again for a moment, and then let out a series of low moans as I softened her up.

“Ohhhhh yeessss...” she hissed finally as I worked on her lower back. I blinked in surprise as her tail whipped up and caught me in the chin. Twilight laughed, giving me a cheeky smile as I glared at her.

“Yes!” groaned Rarity as I kept working, “Yes, right there, right- ah!”

With a high-pitched noise the unicorn actually fell over, legs twitching. I gave her a sidelong look while Twilight choked back hysterics.

“Yeesss...” moaned Rarity, “now rub my belly.”

This time Twilight really did choke.

“... excuse me?” I managed. Rarity rolled onto her back and pointed at her stomach.

“Well you didn’t have any problem putting your hands all over my haunches,” she said, almost but not quite whining the words, “what’s the problem with rubbing my belly?”

“It’s just... not a request I get very often,” I managed, kneeling down and putting my hands on the unicorn’s marshmellowy stomach. She let out a blissful sigh and let her head roll back.

“Yes, just like that,” she moaned, “just a little harder.”

I shrugged and did as I was told, dutifully rubbing the proffered pony stomach. Rarity began to wriggle around underneath my attentions. I began using my fingers to leave trails in the short fur and Rarity resumed moaning in ecstasy.

“Ohhhh yessss.... yes, harder, yes...!”

My eyes widened as Rarity shuddered and started drooling, one of her legs extending and shaking so hard it almost kicked me in the face.

“Uh, this is starting to make me uncomfortable...”

“Rub my belly violently, and call me a naughty pony!”

I wordlessly removed my hand from Rarity’s stomach. She responded with a disappointed moan, scrambling back onto her hooves..

“Wh... what’s the matter?” she asked, trying to give me puppy dog eyes. Fortunately she wasn’t as good at that as Fluttershy. “Why did you stop?”

“I’m not calling you a naughty pony.”

“... you... you mean I said that out loud?”

“Yes.”

Rarity slowly turned crimson. Twilight, watching with interest, jumped to her hooves and trotted over, rolling over onto the floor in front of me.

“Okay,” said the princess, “I gotta try this.”

“I am rapidly feeling less good about this situation...”

“Oh pshaw, just stay away from the nips this time and you’ll be fine.”

“Hey, I didn’t go near Squiggle tail’s crotch tits!”

“Excuse me!?”

Rarity and twilight started telekinetically throwing things around the room and I got the hell out of dodge. Maybe Applejack would like a massage...

-end