The Point of No Return
© Scribbler, March 2015/November 2017
The teacup clattered slightly as it left the saucer. Fluttershy watched Rainbow raise it to her lips, hoof determinedly steady.
“Um, would you like a, uh-”
“No thanks.” Rainbow Dash shook her head at the proffered plate of cookies.
Fluttershy hesitated before taking one herself. She nibbled at the edge but tasted little, gaze trained on her friend. Rainbow Dash sipped without pausing or slowing until her cup was empty. Fluttershy’s own still steamed on the table, too hot to drink yet.
“More tea?”
Rainbow smacked her lips. The sound seemed too loud in the tiny kitchen. “No thanks.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy faltered, her reservoir of small-talk evaporated. “Um.”
As if in sympathy for her plight, Angel Bunny hopped up onto the table. He glared at Rainbow Dash, forelegs folded. Fluttershy understood his facial expressions and body language more than even her own and recognised the irritation quivering through him.
“Angel Bunny! We do not stand on the table! You know better than that.”
He looked over his shoulder at her. Irritation morphed into betrayal when she pointed at the floor. He waited, she knew, for her to change her mind and give in to his demands. She refused. She was not going to move Rainbow Dash out of her seat just so he could have it. Angel stamped his foot, just once. Fluttershy’s eyes widened, her brows furrowing in the direction of a full Stare. Ears folded back, the little rabbit descended from his perch and retreated to his basket in the corner, where he glared out at them and combed his ears furiously.
“I’m sorry about that,” Fluttershy apologised. “He’s a bit, ah, cranky these days.”
“He was always cranky. He just has the grey whiskers to go with it now.” Rainbow Dash scratched her chin, eyes roving across the ceiling for a moment. “I guess not much has changed around here after all,” she said softly, though Fluttershy thought she caught a note of approval.
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing.”
Fluttershy tilted her head to one side. When Rainbow Dash did not lower her gaze, nor ever turn her head, it seemed nothing would move the moment on but grabbing the minotaur by the horns. Fluttershy cleared her throat. Rainbow’s eyes flickered but did not focus on her. She seemed utterly taken with the faded cornices and rickety light fittings of the old cottage.
“Rainbow, I … I’m very glad you decided to visit but … ah …” Taking a breath, Fluttershy screwed up her courage. “I thought you might … call first … to let me know.” Her words came in uncomfortable spurts, eventually trailing away along with her fragile resolve. “I-I mean it … might have been … nice … is all.”
“Nice. Yeah.” Rainbow Dash blinked suddenly. “Huh? What? Oh! Yeah. Uh, sorry Fluttershy. I was just in the neighbourhood and figured: ‘Hey, I’ll stop by and see Fluttershy. She’ll be happy to see me. We haven’t talking in forever. It’ll be fun.’ I didn’t realise it’d be a big deal.” A hint of irritation crept into her tone.
Instinctively, Fluttershy raised her forehooves. “Oh no, no, no, it’s not, I just … uh …” She winced. “I’m sorry.”
Rainbow Dash blew out a sigh. “No. No, don’t be sorry, Fluttershy. You’re right, I should’ve called first. You probably have plans.”
“Uh, no actually. Well, I need to give Bertram his medicine, but other than that, all I had planned for this afternoon was chores.”
“Bertram?”
“Oh, you’d like him. He’s Harry’s grandson. He should technically be hibernating now but he was so sick that it threw off his natural rhythms.”
“Harry? Who’s … wait, that bear you used to practise massage on?” Rainbow Dash blinked in surprise. “He has a grandson?”
“Bears breed faster than ponies,” Fluttershy pointed out. “Like most animals do. They don’t need to worry about school or jobs or other things before they start, uh … family planning.” A light blush reddened her cheeks. She was practical in the extreme when it was just herself and her animal friends but somehow Rainbow Dash’s presence made her uncomfortable with that topic. Anxieties she had tamped down years ago wriggled in their bonds. She picked up her teacup and sipped. It burned her lips. She sipped again regardless.
“Wow.” Rainbow Dash seemed stunned. “I just … wow. I didn’t realise it’d been that long since I visited.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” Fluttershy assured with certainty that lasted until she cast her mind back. When had Rainbow Dash last come to her cottage? Before the move to Canterlot, certainly, but that hadn’t been so long ago.
Had it?
Goodness gracious, Fluttershy thought in surprise. I guess it has.
“Would you, uh, like to help me with Bertram?”
“Huh?” Distraction threaded through Rainbow Dash’s gaze.
“The … bear?” Fluttershy waited for a beat. “With his medicine?”
“Oh. Right. You mean … like we used to?”
“Um, sure. If you like, I mean. You’re not obligated to, of course. I would never dream of making a houseguest help me with chores as some sort of obliga-”
“Houseguest?”
“Well … yes. You are a guest a-and you are in my … house.” Fluttershy cursed the falter in her words. She had worked so hard to keep from doing that – not just since she opened her front door to find Rainbow Dash on her doorstep, but since …
Since she went away in the first place.
Rainbow Dash seemed to come to a decision within herself. She smacked her front hooves off her thighs, winced and stood up from her chair. The resultant squeak made Fluttershy’s teeth grind. “Sure. Let’s do it. Is he mean?”
“Bertram? No, he’s a sweet, gentle thing, even if he can be a bit grumpy sometimes.”
“Hm. Pity.” Rainbow Dash tossed her head and trotted from the room.
At a much slower pace, Fluttershy eased herself off her chair and followed.
“Uh, Rainbow?”
“It’s okay. I got this.”
“Rainbow, I don’t think this is such a good idea.”
“Relax! I told you, I got this.”
Bertram grumbled. At over seven feet tall on his hind legs and nearly eight hundred pounds, he was the largest grizzly bear Fluttershy had ever known. Though she knew him to be placid as a lake with no breeze, she also knew he wasn’t fond of the daily injections she had to give him. He would trundle out of the forest on cue every evening, but he walked like he was on his way to the gallows and griped through every second. She had learned that he responded best to gentleness and a crisp apple as a treat if he held still while she gave him his meds.
“Rainbow Dash, I really think you ought to give me the hypodermic-”
“C’mon, you big lug. Show me your butt.”
Bertram arched his neck, offended. He looked to Fluttershy, as if to ask why this strange, rude pony was trying to give him his injection instead of her, and also, where the hell was his apple?
“Please, Bertram, this is Rainbow Dash. She’s one of my oldest and dearest friends. She has, ah, come to help me today. If you could just turn around like we normally do, this will all be over soon and we can all go back to-”
“Banzai!” Rainbow Dash leaped.
Fluttershy shrieked.
Bertram roared and instinctively swiped at her.
“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash danced away through the air, giggling wildly. “Nearly got me that time, fuzzbutt!”
Bertram’s neck arched so much it was practically an ‘s’ shape. Deciding the apple wasn’t worth it, he dropped to all fours and charged towards the treeline that edged Fluttershy’s property.
“Oh no! Oh dear! Oh no!” Fluttershy galloped after him. “Bertram! Please, come back! You have to stick to the routine!”
“Cool!” Rainbow Dash swept past her, wings pumping.
“Rainbow Dash!”
“C’mere, you. You gotta take your – ngg – meds!”
Bertram zigzagged away from Rainbow Dash and passed into the trees. Rainbow Dash plunged in after him, still laughing like this was the funniest thing in the world. Fluttershy ran in a few seconds behind them, panting as she struggled to catch up. The branches were so low and close together that she didn’t dare try flying between them. That was the easiest way to break a wing. Well, unless you were Rainbow Dash, of course.
She could hear bear and pegasus crashing through the undergrowth ahead. Following the sound, she found herself in a small clearing surrounded by brown and gold leafed trees.
“Bertram? Rainbow Dash?”
Bertram’s frustrated grousing made her look up. He was halfway up a nearby tree, batting at Rainbow Dash, who still held the hypodermic. Fluttershy frowned. No way was that needle sterilised anymore. She opened her wings and ascended.
“Rainbow! Stop!”
“Chill, Fluttershy, I got th-”
“You cannot use that needle! It’s dirty now. We need to go back and sterilise it.”
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash blinked at her, then glanced down at her goof. “Oh. I guess so.” Was it Fluttershy’s imagination, or did her shoulders droop at this realisation? Certainly, she stopped smiling and the wild gleam left her eyes. “Sorry, Fluttershy. I … I guess I messed things up.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. Now can we all please calm down and head back to my cottage?”
“I guess so.”
“Thank –” The crack of breaking wood interrupted her. “You?” She shrieked at the sight of nearly eight hundred pounds of grizzly bear falling straight towards her. Even her wings and eyelids seemed to lock up, both pinned back as sunlight was rapidly blocked out above her.
Her breath escaped in a small ‘whuff’ as a body crashed into her. It was not, however, Bertram’s body. He was several feet below, righting himself from his fall and clinging onto a lower branch where he had dug in his claws to catch himself.
“Sweet Celestia, Fluttershy, are you insane? Why didn’t you move?” Rainbow Dash released her and hovered back a few feet, expression censorious.
“I panicked,” Fluttershy admitted in embarrassment.
Rainbow Dash raked her mane from her eyes. It was strewn with bits of leaves and twig. “Good thing I was here to save you, huh? How the heck did you even survive this long without me around to look out for you?” Her devil-may-care smile was slightly off, but she had turned away before Fluttershy could figure out why. “C’mon. You’re right, this needle is a dud now. Hey, fuzzbutt!” she called down.
Bertram growled.
“Um, he says he has a name.”
“What? Oh, sure. Hey, Bertram, buddy, we’re heading back to Fluttershy’s cottage. You coming with?”
He snorted.
“He says he will if you don’t try to rugby tackle him again.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “He knows what rugby is?”
“Never underestimate what a bear can remember.”
Bertram exhaled loudly.
“Yes, Bertram, I know, I know, but elephants have sort of cornered the market on that saying.”
Rainbow Dash flopped onto the couch, rumpled but grinning so wide it was like she was trying to unzip the top of her head with her mouth. “Wow! What a rush!”
“I’m so, so sorry!” Fluttershy hopped in after her. “He’s never done that before!”
“Don’t worry about it.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof. “I didn’t know bears could move so fast. He was like lightning!”
“Usually he takes his injection like a good boy.” Fluttershy’s frown deepened. “I guess having somepony new around made him anxious. Of course, you should have approached him more calmly than you did.”
“Fluttershy, it’s fine,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “It all turned out okay. In fact, it was fun.”
“F … fun?” Fluttershy’s mouth scrunched. She enjoyed spending time with her animals friends almost more than she liked being around ponies, but not even she would call chasing a fully grown male bear through the forest ‘fun’.
“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash gave a shrill little laugh that reminded Fluttershy of chairs squeaking on her kitchen floor. “Fun. Flying so fast and dodging in and out of the branches at the same time while he tried to get away – fun!”
“Well, I guess you could call it that,” Fluttershy conceded. She tugged at a stubborn burr that had become snarled up in her long mane. Pain blossomed in her scalp. “Ngg! Your agility training probably means all those sharp turns are no – ngg – bother for you.” She tugged extra hard at the burr. It came loose and stared balefully at her from the centre of her pastern, trailing long pink hairs like trophies. She sighed and headed for where she left strands from her hairbrush for birds to line their nests, stopping to pet Angel Bunny in his basket along the way.
Only when she had taken a half dozen steps did she realise she had received no reply.
“Rainbow?”
Rainbow Dash sat picking at the tassels of a particularly gaudy couch cushion. It didn’t match the simple décor of Fluttershy’s living room at all. She thought maybe it had been a gift from Rarity but the exact time and nature of the gift giving escaped her. It certainly looked more like Rarity’s kind of thing. The fabric was the colour of spilled wine while the gold tassel slid through Rainbow Dash’s hooves like shining water.
“Rainbow Dash?”
A grunt was the only response.
Fluttershy glanced at her upturned hoof. She dropped the hair on the floor and headed back towards the couch. One more bit around this place would hardly make a difference. She really did need to vacuum up the fur and feathers too sometime.
The couch sagged when she sat on it. A musty scent puffed up around her and the springs creaked. It was falling victim to years of abuse from paws, claws, jaws and all manner of other things. Fluttershy could remember almost all of the stains on it and how they had gotten there. It didn’t used to be so dirty. Once upon a time it had been a beautiful butter yellow, almost the same shade as her own coat. Now it was dull and there were grooves where a slow retinue of friends and pet-owners had come to sit and ask her advice, or request her presence somewhere, or convince her of something, or just to talk. She liked that last one best.
Rainbow Dash, apparently, did not. She sat in stony silence, still picking at the tassel. She seemed hypnotised by the repetitive motion.
“Rainbow Dash, what’s wrong?”
Silence.
“Rainbow.” Fluttershy allowed her throat to lean on the syllables, stressing her concern with each letter and sound.
Rainbow Dash looked up at her. Fluttershy had a strange sensation that her friend was looking at her from very far away. Then her eyes snapped back into focus and she looked startled, as though Fluttershy being on the couch beside her was an unexpected and sudden development. She took a breath. Opened her mouth.
Closed it again.
“Nothing’s wrong. Why would you think something’s wrong?”
Fluttershy’s insides sagged as much as the old worn couch. She wanted to accuse Rainbow Dash of lying but the words wouldn’t come. They got to the bottom of her windpipe and then looked at each other, shrugging, like they knew there was no point trying to climb up to her mouth because she would never say them. She could no more accuse Rainbow Dash of lying than she could stop breathing.
Instead, she looked out of the window. The sky was burning itself into the dark orange of an Autumn sunset. She knew that if she stepped outside, she would smell moisture in the air and the scent of earth from when she had harvested rutabaga and celery from her vegetable garden that morning. She enjoyed all seasons, of course, but secretly Autumn was her favourite. Where most ponies saw it as a season of dying, Fluttershy chose to see only the glorious colours and last splash of grandeur nature had to offer before Winter set in.
“It’ll be dark soon,” she said quietly. “Would you like something to eat before you head home? You must have used a lot of energy with all that flying. I’m … not sure I have much for you to … what do athletes call it? Carb bloat?”
“Carbo-loading,” Rainbow Dash muttered.
“Oh. Well, I have some bread, if that helps, and some fresh vegetables. No carrots yet, since I was going to go to market tomorrow. Oh, actually, I think there might some zap apple jam left in the pantry. I know you always liked that–”
“Could I stay the night?”
Fluttershy blinked. The words had come out in a single rushed breath and she wasn’t sure she’d heard them correctly. “Um …”
“It’s a long flight back to Canterlot and I don’t want to chance it in the dark,” Rainbow Dash added.
The traitorous words gathered at the bottom of Fluttershy’s throat again, but again they dispersed without being spoken. “Oh. I … I didn’t think you minded night flying. You used to make me do it when we were at summer flight camp–”
“Celestia’s flank, Fluttershy, fine!” Abruptly Rainbow Dash stood up. The couch bounced so violently at the movement that Fluttershy squeaked and put her hooves down to steady herself. “If it’s such a hassle, forget it. I just thought maybe one of my best friends would be able to put me up for the night since, y’know, I came all the way out here to Ponyville to see her, and I even helped out with her bear friend when I didn’t have to, but if it’s sooooo much trouble–” Rainbow Dash’s noise wrinkled as she drew out the word, making it wriggle like a worm on a hook. “- I guess I’ll just go.”
“No, no!” Infused by sudden panic, Fluttershy also leapt up.
It never failed. Even after so long, she was still jumping to attention because she wanted to please somepony else. She winced inwardly. She had thought she was getting better at handling that impulse. Then again, it had been a long time since she had pitted her fragile resolve against Rainbow Dash’s steely determination. Dozens of incidents where her protests and fear had been drowned out by Rainbow Dash’s enthusiasm sprang into her head, as did the dozens of times that enthusiasm had nearly gotten them hurt, killed or worse. Always their adventures had ended with Rainbow Dash laughing and Fluttershy or their friends admitting that, okay, maybe it hadn’t been such a bad idea after all.
“She’s a stupid, bull-headed, reckless fool ... but she’s our stupid bull-headed, reckless fool.”
Applejack’s words echoed through time and memory. When had she said that? It had been at Apple Bloom’s graduation, hadn’t it? No, wait, it was when Apple Bloom got home and they all gathered to celebrate the first ever Apple to get a university degree. That was the time Rainbow Dash tried to make Twilight join her in a superfast victory lap to see what happened when rainboom and ‘sparkleboom’ mixed. The result had been both mares upended in trees at opposite ends of Sweet Apple Acres, covered in pulped apple and leaves. Fluttershy recalled Rainbow Dash’s peals of laughter and joy as they pulled her down and checked for broken bones.
“That was so awesome! Let’s do it again!”
“Let’s never ever, ever, ever, ever do that again!”
“Aw, you’re no fun, Twilight.”
“Ooh, ooh, next time can I join in too? I could pedal my flying machine really, really fast!”
“No, Pinkie!”
“No, Pinkie!”
“No, Pinkie!”
“No, Pinkie!”
“We could call it the pinkieboom!”
“Pinkie Pie, you’re so random.”
Rainbow Dash was still quivering with anger when Fluttershy laid a hoof on her shoulder. She didn’t relax at the touch, but her shoulders did lower a little.
“It’s fine, Rainbow. I have plenty of space. Though the spare bedroom, ah, might smell a little …”
The splash of running water echoed from under the bathroom door. Fluttershy leaned sideways against the wall, resisting the urge to slide down and sit in a heap on the floor. The fractious atmosphere had not improved even after Rainbow sat back down on the couch and Fluttershy prepared something for them to eat. Attempts at conversation had fallen into the pool of silence like pebbles into black water until, finally, Fluttershy had suggested that maybe it was time for bed.
Angel Bunny hopped up beside her and tilted his head.
“I know,” she said wretchedly. “But what else could I do? I couldn’t exactly throw her out.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“Angel Bunny! That’s a terrible thing to suggest!”
He rolled his eyes.
“Well … yes, I suppose the situation is rather odd, but that’s no reason to be cruel. It’s a long way to Canterlot and she didn’t want to fly home in the dark. That’s understandable. Neither would I.”
He narrowed his gaze at her.
“There’s no need to remind me what a scaredy-pony I am.” Fluttershy paused. “But yes, you’re right, Rainbow … she isn’t a scaredy-pony like me. She’s the bravest, strongest, most fearless pony I know.”
He grunted and leaned forward, gaze so narrow his eyes were like little black slots in his face.
“All right, that I’ve ever known. Our other friends come close but … Rainbow was always the bravest of us.” Fluttershy considered her own words. “I didn’t realise it had been so long since we last saw each other. Time just seems to go so quickly these days. I think the last time we were all together was … I think it was Rarity’s wedding.”
The bathroom door opened. “It was.”
“Oh!” Fluttershy squeaked and lurched backwards. “Y-You could hear me?”
“It’s a plywood door. Of course I could hear you.”
Rainbow Dash had clearly taken a shower. Her mane was slicked back and the rest of her body damp and tousled from towelling off. Fluttershy noted that the bathroom beyond was pristine. She was shocked. Rainbow Dash had never been known for tidiness, even when Twilight yelled in her burgeoning Canterlot Voice for leaving Daring Do books out of order on the shelves in her castle library.
“I cleaned the tub. Ponyfeathers, Fluttershy, that thing was disgusting. What did you do, wash a moose in it?”
“Um, a wolf, actually.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “You took in a timber wolf? I thought they were the one creature even you couldn’t tame!”
“Oh no, no, no, not a timber wolf!” Fluttershy shuddered involuntarily. “Just a regular wolf who got caught in a peat bog. Bertram helped me pull him out and bring him here so Angel and I could clean him up.”
“A … bear … helped you rescue … a wolf … and you brought it back here where …” Rainbow Dash glanced briefly at Angel Bunny.
“The Oath of Mutual Protection protects all animals on my land,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Don’t … d-don’t you remember?”
“Oh. I … think I do actually.” Rainbow Dash rubbed at her head, ruffling her mane into interesting peaks and troughs. “That promise thing you make them all take? To not try to eat each other?”
“Uh-huh.”
“That still works?”
“Yes.”
“Huh.” Rainbow shrugged, as if this flagrant defiance of the natural order was so uninteresting it could barely hold her attention. “So where do I sleep?”
Ignoring the fact that the spare room was where it had always been, Fluttershy led her down the corridor and opened the door. Rainbow Dash trotted inside and eyed the décor. Fluttershy wondered if she was about to comment on it, but instead she whirled suddenly and closed the distance between them. Fluttershy was so shocked she froze in place.
“Fluttershy, I know we … I know I haven’t been back … to Ponyville, I mean … I haven’t been here in a while. And … I’m sorry, okay? It’s important for you know that I’m sorry for … for not visiting.” Rainbow Dash licked her lips. “And … it’s important you know that if you’d needed me, I would’ve come back. Like, in a heartbeat. No matter what. No matter who said I couldn’t or tried to stop me, or whatever else got in my way - storms or dragons or … or whatever. I would’ve come back to help you if you’d needed me.”
“Rainb...” Fluttershy swallowed the odd cloying sensation in her throat. “Rainbow Dash, it’s fine. I understood. We all did. You had a new life in Canterlot. None of us resented you for moving – you finally got what you’d been working so hard to achieve. What kind of friends would we be if we’d been so cruel? And being a Wonderbolt is a busy job. All that touring and practise and shows and press – you were going all over Equestria. It made sense that you weren’t able to keep taking time out of your schedule to come back to town for every little thing.”
“But I could have come back sooner,” Rainbow Dash insisted. “Or I could have … have taken some time out to say hi when you were in Canterlot. I was just a reserve back then. I could have made time.”
“You weren’t really in Canterlot very much when you were a reserve either. You always seemed to be away on tour whenever we visited.”
“I … on tour?” Rainbow’s eyes widened as if in surprise. Fluttershy watched in alarm as the fervency drained out of them. She actually watched it happen, like someone had punctured the iris and all the energy drained out the bottom, right into Rainbow Dash’s tightening jaw. “Well … that’s as may be. But that … that time you were all in Manehattan the same time as me. That time you … we arranged to meet at that swanky café Rarity’s husband recommended … and I … I …” She struggled with the words.
Fluttershy remembered that day all too clearly, though she wished she didn’t. When she thought back – if she thought back at all – it was only in snatches of the scene, as she tried to ignore the tense disappointment that etched the whole day from the moment they realised their friend wasn’t coming. The floral pattern on Rarity’s dainty teacup. Pinkie’s steadily drooping mane. Twilight’s wings ruffling more and more each time she checked the clock on the wall. Each puff of air as Applejack sighed into an untouched salad.
“You got called away,” Fluttershy said softly. “We understood.”
Eventually. Maybe. Sort of.
“A-And you sent that messenger to let us know.”
“Excuse me, ladies, is one of you, uh … oh golly. Is one of you Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
“That’d be me.”
“Don’t sigh like that, darling, it’s uncouth.”
“This is such a pip! He had to ask! You’d think more ponies would work it out from the wings and horn, huh?”
“Pinkie Pie, hush yer mouth.”
“Your majesty –”
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Uh, okay. I have a message for you from someone called Rainbow Dash.”
“No, I-” Rainbow Dash stopped, gaze darting around Fluttershy’s face. Her throat worked around words she seemed unable to say. Finally she shut her eyes and withdrew into the bedroom. “Called away. Yeah. That’s what I said. That’s what it was. I got called away. But I … I’m sorry anyhow.” She dipped her head. “I know you and Applejack came to my hotel that evening looking for me.”
“This ain’t like her, sugarcube. Rainbow Dash is denser than concrete but she ain’t the type to just abandon her friends like that. Sumthin’ ain’t right an’ I’m fixin’ to find out what it is.”
“You … knew about that?”
“Uh-huh. And I’m sorry. I can’t … I’m sorry, Fluttershy. For what happened. I’m so sorry.”
Fluttershy stared at her friend – her oldest friend, who had stuck by her even when they were fillies and young enough that fitting in with the crowd was more important than anything else. Rainbow Dash had defended her back then like nopony else dared to. She had taken pity on the spindly, bow-legged yellow filly who could barely fly and not given up on her, even when Fluttershy moved to the ground and their friendship should have died. Fluttershy could not – would not – ever forget that.
But still.
“You told the receptionist not to let us up to see you.”
“I know.”
“You gave her our descriptions. She had it on a piece of paper with our names.” The pain was old and fresh at the same time. “You wrote down that we were harassing you and they were to keep us away from you.”
“I didn’t … I know.”
Fluttershy paused. Rainbow Dash had clearly been about to say something and then changed her mind. When no explanation came, she asked, “Why did you do that?”
“I … I …” Rainbow Dash hesitated. Her eyes squeezed even tighter shut, her throat worked furiously around whatever it was she was trying to say. “I … don’t know. I just didn’t … couldn’t see you then.”
“Were you about to say you didn’t want to?”
“No. I wanted to. I did!” Rainbow Dash raised her face and the utter regret in her expression convinced Fluttershy she was telling the truth. “I just couldn’t!”
“But why?”
Fluttershy remember how Applejack had pounded on the hotel front desk until security hustled her out. She had been physically and unceremoniously dumped on the sidewalk and then stood yelling while Fluttershy cowered beside her, unsure whether to be more frightened by their dismissal or Applejack’s display of temper. The looks they had drawn had burned hot on her neck as they trudged away from the hotel and back to the station where the rest of their friends waited.
“I can’t believe she did that to us. I just can’t believe she could be so … it’s like she don’t even care anymore! The things on that note she gave the desk pony! She told them to use force to get rid of us!”
“Are you sure it was she who wrote it, darling?”
“Well she didn’t exactly come down an’ stop ‘em from tossing us out like yesterday’s garbage! Besides, the hoofwritin’ on that note the messenger pony gave Twilight was definitely hers… I … I never thought our Rainbow could let fame get to her head like that. But … but I guess I was wrong.”
All those care packages Rainbow Dash had sent back unopened. All the letters of encouragement Applejack had sent her, which Granny Smith had carefully supervised, since Applejack’s hoofwriting was her greatest embarrassment. All the parcels and envelopes returned to Sweet Apple Acres still sealed. All the times she had tried to reach out and keep contact with Rainbow Dash, only to be rejected. All of it had shown clearly in Applejack’s eyes during that train ride. Fluttershy would never forget the pain she had tried to hide by staring out of the window as they were whisked back to Ponyville.
“She’s the Bearer of the Element of Loyalty, Fluttershy. I thought that meant sumthin’. I kept tryin’ to convince myself she was sendin’ back all the gifts we done sent her for … some good reason. I was gonna ask her what. I… was gonna ask her about that note stuck to the last package.”
“Wh-what did the note say?”
“I’d rather not talk about that, sugarcube.”
“You need to apologise to Applejack.”
“I haven’t even spoken to her in over a year. I haven’t spoken to anypony. None of my friends. Not since …” Rainbow Dash winced. Her voice dropped to a low murmur. “Why the heck did you even let me in your house, Fluttershy? I’m a terrible friend.”
“No, you’re not.” Fluttershy hoped she sounded convincing.
“Rarity, I’m worried about Applejack. She’s been so down lately.”
“She’s just hurt, darling. She and Rainbow Dash were very close. Being told to stop bothering her was enough of a blow to her pride, but after what happened in Manehattan–”
“Wait, Rainbow Dash told Applejack to stop bothering her? When?”
“You know, it’s terribly rude to interrupt, darling, and on that note she sent along with that last care package.”
“Rainbow Dash told Applejack to stop bothering her?”
“In quite colourful language, as I recall. Oh dear. I take it from your expression that you didn’t know? She sent another such note to Pinkie for all the muffins and sweet treats she sent to the Wonderbolt Headquarters. I, too, received one when I tried to send her some things for a magazine shoot Photo Finish told me she was taking part in – but a lady doesn’t let such uncouthness crack her dignity.”
“She sent horrible notes … to everypony?”
“Not everypony. Twilight didn’t receive one. Apparently not even a changed Rainbow Dash is silly enough to insult royalty in print.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “I’m … I’m going to go to bed now. I think I’m all talked out.”
“Oh. Um, o-okay then.” Fluttershy could not help the disappointment that leeched into her tone. “Good-”
The door shut in her face.
“-Night.”
Sleep did not come easily. Fluttershy tossed and turned, pushed her quilt off and then pulled it back up over her body again. She stared at the ceiling, the wall, buried her face in her pillow and even switched on the bedside light to try reading a book. It was a light romance Twilight had given her and usually made her drowsy by the third ‘I love you’ but tonight her insomnia defied even this.
The floor was cold when her hooves touched it. Angel Bunny grumbled at being disturbed yet again by her movements.
“Sorry, Angel. I’m going to go warm up some milk. Would you like some?”
He responded by burying himself deeper into the nest he had made in the other pillow. Fluttershy covered him up with a corner of her quilt before creeping away.
There was something so lonely about being in the kitchen at night. Maybe it was the stygian black through the windows, or the way light-bulbs never quite lit the place as well as sunshine. Maybe it was the fact that whenever she had to be down here after dark, it was because some creature or other needed tending urgently. The kitchen was a map of memories, so many imprinted with suffering. Right there was the countertop where she had set the wing of a barn owl who had tussled with a bigger predator. The table had scratches from where a bobcat dug in while she popped his dislocated shoulder back into place. Not to mention all the times she had stood right here warming bottles of milk for abandoned baby animals who could not go more than a couple of hours without feeding.
The hob crackled to life with the push of a button. She had resisted switching over to an electrical cooker but now wondered why. She wasn’t the only one, either. Applejack still used the same old massive range at Sweet Apple Acres. It had to be kept stoked with firewood even in summer and required constant checking at all hours thanks to its age.
“It’s tradition. That there range has been in my family since Great Grand-Pappy first got enough bits to buy one. It was the thing that told Granny Smith he intended to make good on his promise to settle here an’ wouldn’t go back on his word when the call o’ the road got too much.”
Fluttershy opened the fridge and peered inside. She needed to go into town and restock groceries she couldn’t source herself from her garden or the forest.
“Hm. Soy milk.” She examined the carton and sighed. “I guess that’ll have the same effect if it works.”
She checked on the few patients in residence as the water boiled in a pan. Mrs Hare’s injured paw was no longer keeping her awake and the woodpecker with a broken leg was looking much better after Twilight’s tincture. Though her duties meant she didn’t always have time to deliver them personally, Twilight made sure the tinctures, potions and syrups she and Fluttershy had developed always arrived on time from the royal apothecary.
Once the milk was warmed and in a mug, Fluttershy carried it back upstairs. Each step seemed inordinately loud in the night-time quiet. She found herself going extra slow to avoid making too much noise on creaky steps.
Maybe if she had been trotting at a normal pace, she might not have heard it. Or maybe that was nonsense and her ears would have swivelled just the same when they caught the high pitched whine. She paused, mug in hoof.
What was that?
It wouldn’t be the first time she had heard an animal calling for help outside and gone to fetch it in the middle of the night. Yet the air remained still and silent. She wondered whether she had imagined it. Then it came again; a shrill, muffled cry.
It was coming from the spare room.
Biting her lip, Fluttershy approached the door. It was still closed tight. She brushed the back of her hoof against it a few times, whispering, “R-Rainbow Dash? Are you awake?”
She received no reply, though the noise continued. It was almost like the sound a mosquito made when it flew into the hollow of your ear and buzzed around in a panic. Fluttershy leaned in close, pushing down the thought that she was invading her friend’s privacy.
“Rainbow?”
She jumped back at the sound of something smashing.
“Rainbow Dash? Are you all right?”
Hoofsteps thudded against the floor, followed by a large thud. The whining became clearer, losing its incessant tone. Instead it resolved into a series of quick noises, like somepony gargling vowels, punctuated by gulping commas and periods.
Fluttershy recognised that sound. Oh, did she recognise that sound.
“Rainbow Dash? I … I’m coming in.” Warning given, she swung open the door.
At first she couldn’t properly see the interior. It was too dark and her eyes smarted from the hall bulb. Gradually vague shadows coalesced into more recognisable shapes. The bed was empty, blankets stripped and mattress bare. The dresser mirror was broken, jagged lines leading to a central point where something had met the glass with such speed and force it had left a cobweb of cracks. A hairbrush below it told her what. Fluttershy’s own serrated reflection stared back at her.
“Rain-” A choking noise by the bed caught her attention. “Rainbow!”
The bundle of bedclothes was wrapped so tight around Rainbow Dash that it was a wonder she could even breathe. She didn’t react when Fluttershy touched her. Maybe should couldn’t even feel it. She was shaking and mumbling.
“R-Rainbow Dash? Oh my goodness, are you having some sort of fit?”
The bundle shifted and muttered.
“What? Ow!”
Fluttershy staggered back. Had … had Rainbow Dash just kicked her?
A flash of white hopped into her peripheral vision but she paid it little mind. Her attention was completely taken by Rainbow Dash. Ignoring the smarting pain in her foreleg, Fluttershy tried again.
“Rainbow Dash, talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Why did you break the mirror?”
The closest part of the blankets whipped out. Fluttershy leaped back. It wasn’t instinctual for her to fly away the way it was for other pegasi, so she landed lightly and had to think before opening her wings. Hovering at what she thought might be a safe distance, she looked for the edge of a blanket, found one and tugged. It peeled back like a banana skin to reveal the pony beneath.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes were wide, yet her fixed gaze made it clear she wasn’t seeing anything. She stared at a point three inches on front of her nose so intently, it was like she was trying to burn a hole in the empty air. Her mane was damp with sweat and her mouth moved soundlessly.
Fluttershy’s whole chest seemed to clench around her heart, squeezing so tight she couldn’t do anything but squeak in alarm. At the noise, Rainbow Dash whipped around, transferring her thousand yard stare to a point just above Fluttershy’s head. Fluttershy dropped the edge of the blanket. Rainbow Dash continued to stare, but the stare did not waver like it should have when Fluttershy moved. It was clear and cold and totally unlike the friend Fluttershy had always known.
“Rainbow – oh!”
Rainbow Dash moved so fast she was just a smear of colour threading through the gloom. Fluttershy hit the floorboards with enough force to send all the air rushed from her lungs. Momentarily paralysed from shock and lack of oxygen, stars burst across her vision and her mouth opened uselessly. When she could see again, she gazed up into Rainbow Dash’s eyes, which had narrowed in anger but still did not seem to be focussing fully on what was in front of her – what she was doing.
“Rain … bow!” Fluttershy wheezed. “Get … off … me …”
Rainbow Dash pressed one hoof against Fluttershy’s throat, pinning her in place.
“Raicakkgh!” Fresh stars burst across the backs of her eyes.
She was stronger than she looked, mostly as a result of dealing with animals much bigger than herself, but she wasn’t expecting the move and so did not even think to block it. Rainbow Dash pulled back her other hoof. Fluttershy’s eyes widened as her windpipe closed and she could do nothing but struggle uselessly as she realised what Rainbow Dash was going to do.
“No more,” Rainbow Dash hissed, her voice husky with hatred. “You won’t do this to me anymore. You won’t be able to.”
“Rrrrrraaai-” Fluttershy was able to get the first syllable past her lips. Her head thrummed and her vision began to darken at the edges.
The hoof descended.
Fluttershy screwed up her eyes.
Rainbow Dash grunted in sudden pain.
And abruptly Fluttershy could breathe again.
She scrambled upright and backed away, sucking in air. Vision cloudy, she blinked at the white object leaping off Rainbow Dash’s head. Angel scurried towards her as fast as his arthritis would allow and stood in front of her, paws raised in what might have been fists if she could see properly.
“Ang-” Fluttershy coughed.
Angel looked over his shoulder. His meaning was clear to her and she was grateful for it.
Rainbow Dash had fallen on her side. She sat up slowly, looking around and holding her head. “Whu? Where am … huh?” Her gaze settled on Fluttershy and Angel. “What are you two … I … huh?” Only when she spotted the hairbrush and broken mirror did something seem to click inside her brain. “Sweet Celestia …”
“Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy croaked. Her throat burned. She swallowed and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Me? Never mind me! Did I hurt you?”
“Um…”
Angel Bunny took a threatening step.
“I … I think you were sleepwalking.”
Rainbow Dash thrust both forehooves into her mane. Her spine curled, as if she was trying to fold away into herself. “No, no, no, no,” she muttered. “It wasn’t’ supposed to happen like this. It wasn’t supposed to happen this ... this ...”
“Um, R-Rainbow?”
“Why did you come into the room?” she snarled. “Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”
Fluttershy was shocked. She had not expected such an aggressive reply. “I … I was worried. I heard you crying and I–”
“Why do you even care?” Rainbow Dash shouted, voice thick.
“I –”
“I have even seen you in years! I cut you out of my life! I cut everypony out of my life! You weren’t supposed to welcome me back! You were supposed to send me away like the useless friend I am! This is wrong. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come back here.” She got to her hooves, swaying a little. “I should go. I should leave. I … I need to get out of here. I don’t belong here anymore. I don’t belong anywhere anymore. I can’t be your friend anymore. I … you shouldn’t have let me in, Fluttershy.”
“You’re my friend –”
“No, I’m not!” Rainbow Dash’s pitch ratcheted upwards. She thrust her neck out, mouth wide, as she yelled the way she had when they were fillies and bullies had tried to pick on them at school. “I’m not your friend anymore! It’s been too long! I shut you out! I shut everypony out! You, Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, A-Applejack …” Her voice caught on the last name like she had tripped over a tree root previously hidden by dirt. “I shut you all out. I wouldn’t let you see me. I didn’t stop those notes before they were sent out … I … I let you get sent away from … and I didn’t … I didn’t fight to keep you … I didn’t fight hard enough for you. I can’t be your friend anymore. You shouldn’t let me be your friend anymore.”
Fluttershy stared at her. “But I want to be your friend.”
“Yeah? Well we don’t always get what we want, Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash’s wings blurred. She rose into the air. “Nothing turns out the way you think it’s going to. You make plans and you do everything you think you’re supposed to, but in the end it’s all dragon dung. All of it! Things go wrong and you think you’re doing right, then it turns out you’re not, but by that point there’s no going back. You can’t change the past. You can’t … c-can’t … ugh! Just get out of my way.”
Fluttershy realised abruptly that when she had gotten up, she had put herself in the doorway. She hadn’t meant to but now it seemed fortuitous. “No.”
“Get out of my way, Fluttershy!”
“No.”
“Get out of my way or I’ll make you get out of my way!”
“I’m staying in your way, Rainbow Dash.” She planted her hooves and drew in a strengthening breath. “Even if you fly back to Canterlot, I’ll fly after you and I’ll put myself in your way again. I’ll keep putting myself in your way, too. And I’ll call the others and they’ll put themselves in your way too. You know why?”
She willed Rainbow Dash to understand the insurmountable truth that had once seemed so obvious to them all it hadn’t even needed to be stated aloud.
“Because we’re your friends. It doesn’t matter if you try to push us away. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since we saw each other. All that matters is that we’re friends and you need us, even if you can’t admit that to yourself. We’re your friends, Rainbow Dash.” She pressed a hoof to her chest. “I’m your friend. I always will be. I care about you, no matter what you say. You’re hurting right now and I want to help you.”
Rainbow Dash glared at her. “I’m fine. And you’re an idiot.”
“I’m your friend,” Fluttershy insisted. “And you’re not fine, Rainbow. Did you think I couldn’t see the funny way you walked ahead of me on the stairs? Did you think I couldn’t tell one of your legs isn’t as strong as the others anymore? Or the little bumpy scar under your ear?” Her voice husked, straining to stay level. “The kind that only comes when stitches are removed? The Ponyville vet taught me how to stitch up wounds, Rainbow Dash. I work with injured creatures every day. I can tell old injuries from new ones, even under fur or hair.”
Rainbow Dash’s face had gone slack. She lurched to the floor with none of the grace that had made the Wonderbolts pick her from a pool of new recruits and train her to be one of them. Her lower jaw flopped open. Her eyes shone white in the gloom, pupils shrunken pinpricks of shock and … Fluttershy really hoped that was not horror.
Did I go too far? she wondered. She hadn’t meant to say so much, but when she had started it was like she couldn’t stop. Her throat felt dry as sandpaper and hurt when she swallowed. She could still feel the sensation of rainbow Dash’s hoof against her. Oh dear. Oh no. this doesn’t look good.
“Um, R-Rainbow?”
“How … how long have you known?”
Fluttershy winced. “I figured it out when we were chasing Bertram. You landed kind of funny. You didn’t think I’d seen you but … I did. It was your left hind leg that got broken, right?”
“Compound fracture.” Rainbow Dash’s tone had dulled to the old grey of tarnished steel. “I got it practising the Humzinger Loop n’ Twist for the Equestria Games in Gryphona.”
“No.” Fluttershy swallowed again. The burning had turned into a slimy ball of dread lodged in her airway. “You didn’t.”
Rainbow Dash was trembling all over. The feathers of her wings visibly quivered. “No. I didn’t.”
The slimy ball grew larger. “Oh Rainbow.”
“Stop that! Don’t say … don’t look at me like that! Why … why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“You didn’t want to talk about it yet.”
“So why say something now?”
Fluttershy stepped towards her friend. “Because you came to me for help, Rainbow. You might not have said it out loud, but you asked me for help the moment you knocked on my door – the moment you came back.”
Rainbow Dash stared at her, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop. Slowly, like a paper bag tearing open as it filled with water from a dripping tap, the surfaces of her eyes became glassy. She sniffed once, still holding herself in close, her body shaking like a tightly wound spring. It was only when Fluttershy closed the last gap between them and placed a tentative hoof on her shoulder that the bag tore open.
Fluttershy fell to her knees and held her as she broke down. Rainbow Dash gurgled a collection of words that might not have made any more sense even if she could understand them through the tears. Snot leaked onto Fluttershy’s shoulder, but she didn’t let go. She refused. After all this time, she was not letting go so easily.
“I’m sorry.” The words drifted in and out of Rainbow Dash’s diatribe like brightly coloured fish in water full of drifting rotten weeds. “P-Please forgive m-me. I’m so s-sorry.”
“Please stop apologising,” Fluttershy whispered. “There’s nothing to forgive. This wasn’t your fault, Rainbow.”
“I shut you all out,” Rainbow sobbed. “Even when I was doing it, I knew I shouldn’t have but … there didn’t seem any other way. I’m Rainbow friggin’ Dash! I’m supposed to be able to cope with bad stuff! I’m not supposed to… to need …”
“Nopony can be strong all the time.”
“I sent you away. I was so awful to all of you because … b-because I couldn’t let you s-see me … and I … I watched you and Applejack all the w-way down the street … and I wanted to f-fly after you … sweet Celestia, I wanted to talk to you guys … but I … I couldn’t … I’m so sorry, Fluttershy. Please don’t be mad. Please don’t make me go back. I t-tried to tell Spitfire once but I lost my nerve because I didn’t think she’d believe me. Who would believe something like that? It’s too unbelievable! I’m Rainbow Dash.”
Fluttershy tightened her hold. “That doesn’t mean she wouldn’t have believed you.”
“No! I-I’m Rainbow Dash, Celestia damn it! Things like this d-don’t happen to p-ponies like m-me! But … but this afternoon I woke up and … I’d been passed out for … I don’t even know how long … and the doors were locked. They were locked from the outside. I didn’t even know what day it was and I couldn’t get out and I just … I just couldn’t do it anymore! S-so I … I broke the big window in our bedroom. I threw a chair through it. I didn’t care who heard or saw me. That was s-so stupid. Anypony could’ve seen me – the Royal Guard could have arrested me for criminal damage – but I didn’t care. I needed to get out of there so bad, and then I … I just kept … f-flying. I didn’t even know where I was going. I didn’t know who I could go to.
“And then suddenly I was here, and you were answering your door and … and I … I couldn’t get the words out. I couldn’t tell you what was wrong. I just kept hoping you’d know, somehow. That you’d know and I wouldn’t have to actually say the words because …” Her voice cracked with a desperation that had spent years growing inside her, looking vainly for an exit. “Because I’m Rainbow Dash and I’m supposed to be stronger than that.”
“Oh Rainbow. Weren’t you listening?” Fluttershy held her out so she could meet her gaze. “We’re friends, Rainbow. Nothing will ever change that.”
Yet Rainbow Dash continued to apologise, words tangling up in themselves until her voice was a Gordian knot wrapped in a bowtie of mucus and regret. Fluttershy continued to hold her until they were both hollowed out by the vented emotion. Only when Rainbow sagged against her in exhaustion did Fluttershy guide her back to bed.
Rainbow Dash grabbed her foreleg. “Don’t go. Please. I … I don’t want to be ...”
“Alone?”
“Yeah. That.”
“I’m just going to go get some bedding from my room. This blanket isn’t big enough to cover two ponies.”
“But you’re coming back?”
The backs of Fluttershy’s eyes prickled. “Of course.”
She hurried to her bedroom, absently noting the cold milk she had left on the hall table. That seemed like a million years ago now. She took it into the bathroom, emptied into the sink and swilled out the cup, leaving it upended on the side to drain. From there it was a quick task to grab her quilt and pillow, turn out the light she had apparently left on and return to the spare room.
Rainbow Dash was still on the bed. Her chest rose and fell in more of a rhythm than before. Fluttershy realised she had fallen into an exhausted sleep. Yet it was not this which surprised her most.
Like a watchful guardian, Angel sat on top of Rainbow in a small hollow of blanket. He peered at Fluttershy as she crossed the room and made her own preparations for sleep.
“Thank you, Angel,” she whispered.
He rolled his eyes and snuggled down.
Fluttershy woke to a cold bed. She sat up and stared around like a spring had popped beneath her. Thin morning sunlight shone on the broken mirror pieces but there was no sign of Rainbow Dash.
Oh no! Why didn’t I wake up? Oh no! On my! Oh no!
She scrambled off the bed and did her best to prove that ponies could canter headfirst down stairs without falling over.
“Ow!”
She did not prove it successfully. When she reached the downstairs hallway, she skidded to a stop and tilted her head back, sniffing.
Burnt toast?
A multi-coloured head hooked around the kitchen doorway. “Uh, hi.”
Fluttershy tried not to let relief swamp her. “There you are. I thought you’d … uh …”
“Left?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, I just came down to let Angel out to poop. You were so exhausted that you barely moved when I got up to go to the bathroom, so I figured I’d take care of him and then fix you something. It, uh …” She stepped into the hallways revealing a plate of blackened squares. The acrid smell increased. “Didn’t go so well.”
“Oh dear.”
“It’s meant to be toast. I tried putting butter on to make it more toast-like but it just made it soggy. I, uh, haven’t tried eating any yet.”
“I don’t think that’d be wise.” Fluttershy accepted the plate but took it straight back into the kitchen.
Dark plumes curled across the ceiling and the smell of burning became so strong her eyes began to water. Angel was standing on the counter next to the grill, waving a dish towel to dissipate the smoke.
She reached to open the window, flapping her wings to push out as much smoke as possible. “Could you pass me that little plastic tub?”
“This one?” Rainbow Dash followed the line of Fluttershy’s pointing hoof and picked up a Tupperware container from the sideboard.
Fluttershy nodded, accepted the tub and methodically crumbled the burnt toast into it. Rainbow Dash squinted at her like she was doing something incomprehensible.
“It’s to go on the bird table outside,” Fluttershy explained. “All my little bird friends need to eat even if they aren’t sick, so I try to put something out each day.”
“Oh. That’s cool. Um…” Rainbow Dash scuffed a hoof. “Do … you want me to fix some cereal or something instead?”
“No, that’s okay, I can do it.”
“But … I wanted to make you breakfast.”
Fluttershy paused. “Um, all right then,” she said at last. “The cereal boxes are in that cupboard over there.”
“This one?” Rainbow Dash rushed over and yanked open the door. “I see them. Do you want Bran Fibre or Corn Goodness?” She grimaced. “Or should I just, y’know, pour some pencil shavings into a bowl or something. I’m sure Angel wouldn’t mind peeing on them. It’d still taste better than either of these.”
Angel stomped a foot on the counter hard enough to rattle the empty plate.
Fluttershy giggled softly. “Corn Goodness please.”
“I’ll have that too then. Are the bowls still in this cabinet?” Rainbow Dash opened the door even as she spoke. “Aha! Yes, they’re still here.”
Fluttershy smiled to herself as she reaffixed the tupperware lid and fetched a carrot and the soy milk from the fridge. She poured the milk into a glass jug while Rainbow Dash wasn’t looking, plucked some spoons from a drawer and brought both to the table, returning to deftly skin Angel’s carrot. He accepted it greedily and she didn’t reprimand him for sitting down on the countertop to eat it. Rainbow Dash slid into the chair opposite, shoved a bowl of cereal across and picked up a spoon. Before doing more, however, she paused and eyed Fluttershy oddly.
“Is something wrong?”
“This is weird.”
“Huh?”
“This.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof at the kitchen. “It’s so … normal.”
“Is normal a bad thing?”
“I wasn’t expecting to get normal when you woke up. Not after last night. Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Fluttershy pushed an unbrushed chunk of mane from her face. It fell right back into place again, shielding her expression. “Um, I’ve said a few things already.”
“You know what I mean.”
She bit her lower lip. “Do you … do you want me to say something?”
“I don’t know.” Rainbow Dash stared at the inverted reflection in her spoon. “I guess I just kind of expected you to say something about it, is all. I mean, I did snot all over you for, like, a million years.”
“I don’t think it was that long.”
She smacked the spoon down on the table-top. The bowl of sugar jumped. “Fluttershy!”
Fluttershy squeaked at the sudden noise, mane sliding forward to completely cover her nose and most of her face. It was something she has often done as a filly when a situation made her uncomfortable. She had grown her mane specifically so she had something to hide behind when talking to others. Though this time it had been unintentional, Rainbow Dash’s eyes immediately grew wide and her chair shrieked away from the table.
“I’m sorry. Damn it, I can’t even do a normal breakfast right.”
“Rainbow Dash, sit down.” Fluttershy firmly tucked her mane behind her ear and tilted her chin. “It’s all right.”
It took a few moments, but eventually Rainbow Dash lowered her rump into her seat and pulled it to the table. She reached for the milk and poured a large amount into her bowl, eyes darting up once as if to check she wasn’t taking too much. She immediately looked down again, shaking her head and frowning.
“Stupid,” she muttered, so low Fluttershy barely made out the word. “I can have as much fatty crap as I want now.”
She slammed the jug back down, slopping some over the edge. She was halfway across the room fetching a kitchen towel before Fluttershy could even blink. The act of cleanliness felt wrong on some fundamental level. Rainbow Dash had never been so fastidious before. It was a tiny indicator of the tumult hiding just below her surface.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Fluttershy asked, not picking up her own spoon.
Rainbow Dash swiped violently at the mess. “No.”
“Oh.”
She stamped on the lever for the trashcan, whipping the lid up to clang against the wall behind it. “I mean yes.”
“Oh?”
“But I also mean no.” The lid descended with another loud clank. Rainbow Dash stared at it before coming back to the table, eyes rooted to the floor. “I don’t know what I mean anymore. Nobody else knows about it. This is new territory for me.”
“I understand.”
“Do you, Fluttershy?” Sudden accusation etched the question. “Do you really?”
“Um-”
“Did you ever wake up and not know where you were, even though you were in your own home, because your head was spinning too much for you to see straight? Did you ever have to fly into the ground on purpose to give everyone a reasonable explanation for why you’re limping? Did you? Did you?” Her voice fractured at the edges like it had frozen hard in the cold night.
“Well … no.”
Rainbow Dash sank into her chair, shaking her head. “Gah, I shouldn’t be snapping at you. You’re not the one I should be mad at.”
“You shouldn’t be mad at yourself, either.”
“Why not? I’ve been acting like a retarded idiot for a long time - years. I gave up on my friends, my home here in Ponyville, my … everything. I gave up on it all so I could keep living a lie! What kind of pony does that?”
“Wh-why did you do that if you knew things weren’t right?”
“I don’t know!” She threw up her forehooves, flicking up milk she hadn’t realised was there. It splatted down onto her mane and ears. She cursed under her breath, scrubbing at the wet spots. “Or … I do. Kind of. You gotta understand, I’m … not used to thinking of things this way.”
“What way?”
“Like I’m some stupid retarded victim or something! I’m Rainbow Dash! Don’t you get that? I’m Rainbow! Friggin’! Dash! The fastest pony in all of Equestria! The best of the best of the best! I’m not some dumb victim. Victims are weak ponies who can’t stand up for themselves. I’m the mare who knocked out a wyvern’s tooth when it tried to eat one of my weather team!”
Fluttershy waited.
Eventually, the rage receded and Rainbow Dash spoke at a lower volume again. “I … I didn’t think anything needed fixing. I was new to being a Wonderbolt. Of course there was stuff I had to learn. That made sense. It all made … sense. I had to learn how to be one of them and I wasn’t doing so hot on my own. I kept making all these beginner mistakes that made the team look at me like I was some two-bit pony from a backwater town – which I was! So for the longest time I honestly believed I was the one doing things wrong and everything else was all just tough love to keep me going and make me the best Wonderbolt I could be. I wanted that. It was my dream, y’know? My dream. And it was coming true. I had to be perfect or everything I’d worked for would disappear.
“Everypony was so happy when we got together, especially me. Wonderbolt and Wonderbolt-in-Training. It made sense. Right? We already spent most days together and mentoring just … kind of led to … other things.”
Rainbow Dash’s blush was eclipsed only by Fluttershy’s own.
“I was learning so much. It was all amazing! I was getting better and better every day, the other Wonderbolts stopped looking at me like I was a total noob – they even talked about making me a primary flier on their next tour. Do you understand how big that is? That’s huge! Some ponies never make it out of the secondary line-up and I was going to do it in my first year!”
“I remember,” Fluttershy murmured. Ponies had kept coming up to her in the street asking whether the mare they kept reading a bout was indeed the Rainbow Dash who used to live in Ponyville.
She was and she wasn’t, it seemed now.
“And then things just … it was gradual, y’know? I didn’t see it happening. Little things here and there aren’t important enough to worry about. If I got a clip around the ear sometimes for fudging my landing in a routine, then of course I deserved it. And … and if sometimes I needed a literal kick in the flank to make me pick myself up and do one more lap during training, that was for my own good. It was making me tougher … making me better. It’s not like … I mean, it’s … you don’t wake up one morning and suddenly everything is different. It’s not that fast. It’s really, really slow and … well, you know how I am with slow things. Slow things aren’t worth paying attention to. Slow things are boring.
“So … by the time I realised something was wrong, I was in too deep. I … I’d already started cutting you guys out of my life. I’d let three of Applejack’s care packages get sent back before I thought about how much that might have hurt her. I should have realised that sooner, but at the time I just kept thinking how they made the apartment untidy so not challenging the decision to send them back was for the best. Things not being perfect was a bad thing. Bad things meant I wasn’t perfect and ponies who weren’t perfect got …” Rainbow Dash paused breath quickening.
“You can stop if you want to,” Fluttershy said.
“No. No, I … I want you to understand, Fluttershy. I kept doing stuff so that things were perfect, or as close as I could make them. But they never were. Perfect, I mean. They never were and I couldn’t see that they never would be, either. So … so I kept on trying. I kept trying to make myself what I thought I had to be so I could be as happy as I’d been when we first met. And when none of it worked and I figured out what was actually happening, it’d gone too far. I’d burnt too many bridges and … a-and I was too ashamed to … t-to get out and admit that everything I’d done up to that point had been wrong … that I’d wasted so much time on something that couldn’t be fixed because broken was how it started out … and I just kept thinking that … that maybe I wasn’t so great after all … that I’d been fooling myself since I was a filly and only … the only thing that had made me great was when … was when we got together because … because I’m not … n-not …”
Fluttershy got up from her chair and went around the table. Rainbow Dash did not resist the hug. Once upon a time she might have pushed away after a few seconds, but now she allowed herself to be held and trembled only a little when the embrace went on too long.
“I messed up, Fluttershy,” she whispered throatily. “I messed everything up.”
“No you didn’t. This wasn’t your fault, Rainbow Dash.”
“Wasn’t it? Then how come I feel so bad?”
“Because you’re still learning not to and it’s a hard lesson to learn.” Fluttershy knew that all too well. While she had not endured anything close to what Rainbow Dash had, she remembered with awful clarity the sound of bullies’ voices, and the feel of their hooves and wings when they pinned her in the playground to see how high they could make her squeal, all because she was smaller and weaker than them.
That had all stopped when a scrappy little filly with a blazing mane and blazing eyes came to her rescue and became her defender.
“It’s not your fault, so don’t you ever think it is,” Fluttershy said fiercely. “No matter what you were ever told and no matter what you’ve been telling yourself all this time, it’s not your fault and you didn’t burn your bridges. Do you remember what I said last night? We’re friends and nothing, not even some acclaimed Wonderbolt is going to change that.”
Rainbow Dash turned her face towards Fluttershy’s stomach, burying it in the soft fur there as Fluttershy continued to cradle her head. “I still messed up with the others. I hurt them all so badly.”
“Rainbow Dash, did you … did you write those notes they got?”
There was a beat before she answered. “No. But I didn’t stop it either. Like I said, I messed up so much-”
“You didn’t mess up. Well, you did, but not irreparably. In fact, after we’re done with breakfast and feeding my animal friends, we’re going to march right to the castle and speak to Twilight about this.”
“Uh-”
“Or we’ll go to Sweet Apple Acres first. Or Sugarcube Corner. Or Carousel Boutique, it doesn’t matter where we start. All you have to know is that your friends are still your friends. They’ll support you in a heartbeat if you trust them with the truth the way you’ve trusted me with it.”
“It’s not that easy, Fluttershy –”
“It is if you make it that way. Do you think they’ll hold the past against you now?”
“I …”
“I bet the moment Pinkie Pie sees you she knocks you off your feet in a big hug and then tries to throw you a party on the spot.”
Rainbow Dash let out a mirthless chuckle. “She probably would.” The sound faded. “I don’t know if I can say the words.”
“What words?”
“I … I’m … frightened. To see them. I’m frightened to see them.” She wrinkled her nose.
“I’ll be with you,” Fluttershy assured her. “To be honest, Rainbow Dash? I don’t think any one of them will give two hoots about what’s in the past. I’d bet every single feather in both my wings that they’ll just be happy to see you again.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“You didn’t do anything unforgiveable, Rainbow.”
“It sure feels like I did.”
“Well you didn’t. And to prove it, we’re going to eat breakfast, get freshened up and then go into town to see them together. I’m not leaving you, Rainbow.”
“But I can’t–”
“And I’m not taking no for an answer.”
Rainbow Dash’s mouth clicked shut. “Wow.” One corner of her lips quirked upward. “Look at you being all assertive.”
Fluttershy flushed. “W-Well … not even I can be shy all the time. When it really counts, I can be brave. Sort of.” She swallowed. “You taught me that, remember?”
“I taught you what?”
“How to be brave. When we were fillies, you were always so much stronger and braver than I was. I used to wish I could be just as brave as you, so whenever I was scared of something, I’d try to imagine how you’d deal with it and copy you. It didn’t always work … okay, it hardly ever worked, but it helped to know you were there.”
Rainbow Dash poked at her damp cereal. “I’m not brave, Fluttershy. I’m a coward. Otherwise why did I stay away so long? Why didn’t I get out before now?”
“You are brave,” Fluttershy insisted. “Because you are out now. You’re here now and I’d call that … well, I’d call that pretty gosh darn brave!”
The side of Rainbow Dash’s mouth quirked again but she said nothing.
In silence, they ate their cereal.
“Would you please put some of that toast on the bird table while I fetch my saddlebags?”
“Sure. Should I put out all of it?”
“No, just half for now.”
Fluttershy pulled open the door to the under-stairs cupboard and nosed around inside. She kept two sets of saddlebags: one for use with her animal friends and one for town chores, since smelling like the inside of a badger’s sett was frowned upon by polite society. The problem was that because she didn’t use her nice ones very often, she was never quite sure where they were when she wanted them.
A high-pitched sigh sounded to her right. She looked to find Angel Bunny clambering onto a pile of books Twilight had given her about hydra physiognomy. He tugged at what might have been a cushion, but turned out to be part of an old tablecloth she had stored away and forgotten about. Beneath it was the familiar shape of her saddlebags.
“Thank you, Angel.”
He huffed like he couldn’t be bothered constantly looking after her and grudgingly accepted a helping hoof back to the ground.
It wasn’t until she was halfway across the kitchen that Fluttershy heard the voices. She paused, surprised. She wasn’t expecting any visitors. Had somepony come up from town to ask her help with an animal? That was usually the only reason anyone came to see her unannounced. She stepped closer to the door, recognising one voice as Rainbow Dash’s. Whoever it was must have run into her while she was at the bird table.
“You can’t be here!” Rainbow Dash hissed. The venom in her voice made the hair on Fluttershy’s neck prickle.
“Stop being difficult,” said the other voice. “I came all the way out here into the land that taste forgot to get you.”
“I’m not going back!”
“Stop being ridiculous and come home.”
“No! Let go of me!”
The cold prickle became icicles jamming into Fluttershy’s spine. She shoved opened the door.
The tupperware container was on the ground, toast crumbs scattered around it like soot after a house fire. Someone had trodden in it, leaving a perfect imprint of a hoof in the black. They both looked up when she appeared, though their expressions were polar opposites. It was Rainbow Dash’s shrunken pupils that held Fluttershy’s attention, however. Everything else in the world fell away for a moment as she recognised how close her friend was to snapping. Her whole body vibrated and yet she was rooted to the spot as if the hoof holding her shoulder had cast a freeze spell over her whole body.
“I guess you must be Fluttershy.”
Fluttershy did not recognise the other pony except from posters. Without the Wonderbolt uniform, the effect was much less impressive. Even so, she was small enough in comparison that when she came forward, she found herself speaking directly to a broad chest instead of eye-to-eye.
“I think Rainbow Dash would like you to let go of her now, please.”
“Excuse me, but I don’t think this is any of your business.”
“Maybe you don’t think so, but I still think she’d like it if you let go.”
The grip tightened. Rainbow Dash winced but stayed exactly where she was.
This was wrong, wrong, all so wrong. Rainbow Dash should be bucking this pony’s face and flying away. She should be knocking aside the hoof of anypony who tried to restrain her. Instead, she was wide-eyed and acting like a rabbit on rail-tracks as the train barrelled towards her. The sheer wrongness of it made Fluttershy’s guts tighten in an unfamiliar emotion.
“Excuse me, but we were having a private conversation here.”
“Excuse me, but … I don’t care,” she replied softly.
The expression of surprise she received made her wonder what stories Rainbow Dash had told about her. Had she stopped at the bow-legged filly who wouldn’t say boo to a goose? Or had she gone into the many adventures they’d had together with their friends; adventures that had made Fluttershy tougher and stronger, if only on the inside?
“C’mon, Dash. Say goodbye like a good girl. We’re leaving now.”
“Ack!” Rainbow Dash stumbled forward as she was yanked.
Fluttershy felt her wings begin to flare. “Don’t do that.”
“This isn’t any of your business. I don’t know why she came here last night, but this isn’t anything that concerns you. It’s a conversation we’re going to have at home.” Rainbow Dash quailed at the angry glare sent her way. “If the guards on the battlements hadn’t seen you leave, I’d never have tracked you down. What were you thinking? They said you were flying like you were drunk. Drunk, Dash? Seriously? Do you have any idea what that’ll do to your image? To the team’s image?”
“I … I’m sorry,” Rainbow Dash mumbled. “I wasn’t … wasn’t thinking.”
“No, you weren’t. But you never do, do you? You’re always doing stuff without thinking ahead and then I have to fix things when you mess up.”
“I … I …”
“C’mon, before this mess is too big to fix.”
Rainbow Dash took a breath. “I don’t … want to … to go with you.” She didn’t sound so certain anymore.
“You never want what’s best for you.”
“But I -”
“Are we seriously doing this again?” The demand bullwhipped into the air, making both mares flinch.
“I …” Rainbow Dash quivered. Then she sagged and averted her gaze, as if too ashamed to look at Fluttershy anymore. “Please … just leave me alone …”
Where was the strong filly with the blazing hair and blazing eyes?
Where was the strong mare who didn’t taken anything from anypony?
Where was the strong pony who had taken on Discord, Nightmare Moon, Chrysalis's army of changelings, King Sombra and Tirek?
It was inconceivable that after all she had faced, all they had gone through, Rainbow Dash would be scared of a simple, ordinary pegasus. Yet there she was, hunching over like all the fight had suddenly gone out of her.
And suddenly Fluttershy could picture her in that hotel room, looking out of the window with regret as her friends walked away. She could imagine what kind of state Rainbow Dash must have been in to not want them to see her. Fluttershy could imagine her friend letting each and every one of Applejack’s care packages, or Pinkie’s cakes, or Twilight’s books, or Rarity’s gifts be picked up and sent back. She could imagine it because she could see it happening right in front of her. She could see Rainbow Dash’s iron determination crumble under a sharp tongue and years of things that made Fluttershy shudder to think of. She could see how a simple, ordinary pony could do what no evil demon or entity had managed to do before.
“Let go of her.”
“Seriously, just butt out, would you? This is between me and Dash.”
“Let go of her now.”
“For Celestia’s sake, you two may have been friends when you were kids, but that was years ago. She has a new life now and, in case you hadn’t noticed, you aren’t part of it. If she came here when she was drunk and you took care of her, then thanks, but you can go back to your little country existence now. Dash and I have bigger fish to fry back in the city.”
“Fluttershy,” Rainbow Dash whispered. “Just do what –”
“No!” Fluttershy’s shout made them both stare at her. “I’m not letting you go like this, Rainbow! I told you I wouldn’t leave you and I meant it!”
The stare lasted as long as it took to curl a lip. “Wow. I guess I know where Dash got her rebellious streak from now.”
The lip dropped, as did the jaw below it, as a low growl sounded behind them. Fluttershy saw the shadow rise up menacingly, early morning sunlight glinting off the claws of an animal who should have been asleep at this time of year, and who was very, very grumpy because of that fact.
Bertram plucked up the two pegasi, separating them with a jerk. Rainbow Dash yelped as she was plonked down next to Fluttershy.
“Thank you, Bertram,” Fluttershy said politely. “Now would you please show this unwelcome guest how we treat abusers in Ponyville?”
The bear made a noise somewhere between a growl and a chuckle. He turned and pulled back one massive paw.
“You can’t do this to me! I’m a Wonderbolt! This is insane! I’ll have you arrested –”
“One moment please, Bertram.” Fluttershy trotted forward. Bertram held his foreleg out for her, proffering the pony like it was something that smelled bad. “If anyone is going to get the authorities involved, I think it’s going to be us. Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t care if you’re a Wonderbolt. I don’t care if you’re some famous pony who’s used to getting everything your own way. I don’t care if nopony has ever challenged you, so now you think you can get away with anything because of it. You hurt my friend. And nopony.” She took a step closer, pressing herself nose-to-nose and letting the tiniest amount of Stare leak into her gaze. “Nopony hurts my friends. You got that?”
“I-”
She stepped back. “Bertram, if you’d be so kind?”
Bertram grunted. He wrapped both front paws around the pony’s wings, holding them down. Then he spun around in a tight circle like a shot-putter at the Equestrian Games.
“Youuuuuu biiiiiiiiii-”
Finally, at the apex of his speed, he released his cargo. The pony shot into the air, air pressure keeping wings glued down in a way that could turn a body into a fleshy torpedo zipping through the clear morning air.
“Yaaaaaaaaaaaah!”
The cry faded away as the pony making it became nothing more than a dot in the sky.
Bertram nodded and smacked his paws together like he was dusting them off.
“Thank you, Bertram. You arrived just in time.”
He grunted.
Fluttershy smiled. “Heh, I’m glad you like her too.”
“You … he …” Rainbow Dash gaped. “He just threw … like … like it was nothing …” Her throat worked as she swallowed convulsively, gaze drifting to the dirt. It was scuffed were she had stumbled. “I … I never thought … that … I didn’t know … I mean, showing up here? I never thought I’d be found so … so quickly … I-I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I shouldn’t have brought you into this.”
“Rainbow Dash?”
“Huh?” She lifted her eyes.
“A long time ago, you taught me how to be strong.” Fluttershy held out a forehoof. “Do you think … I know a lot has happened since then, but do you think you could let me teach you how now, in return?”
Rainbow Dash stared at her. Her eyes filled with tears. She sniffed, just once, then crumpled forward like a marionette with all its strings cut. Fluttershy rushed to catch her.
“It can’t be over,” Rainbow Dash hiccupped. “It can’t be that easy. Not after all that … all th-that … it c-can’t be that e-eas-sy …”
“Shhh,” Fluttershy hushed, tentatively stroking her. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Hrrk!”
Bertram held the two of them close in a hug.
“I mean … hrrk … we’ve got you.”
Angel Bunny chittered angrily from the doorway of the house. The massive bear grumbled but put them down again and settled beside them, curling his body around them like a giant guard dog. Mildly placated, Angel climbed onto Fluttershy’s head and leaned down to pat Rainbow Dash’s mane.
Rainbow Dash continued to sob like her heart was breaking. Fluttershy held her close, letting her pour out years of pent up emotion. Even when her forelegs began to cramp and her fur pulled out at the roots where Rainbow Dash was clinging on so tight, not once did she consider letting go. Instead, she thought about the future, their friends and what they were to do next.
It wasn’t completely over. Not really. It wasn’t going to be easy, either.
But it was a start.
“We’ve got you, Rainbow Dash.”
Fin.
‘No turning back, don't tell me no,
‘Cause I'm not going to let you go.’
~ From ‘The Point of No Return’ by H.E.A.T.
Author's Note
A Full cast reading of this fic can be found here on my YouTube Channel, along with a special Word From the Author segment at the end wherein I talk about the real life events that inspired me to write this story and explain why I wrote it the way that I did.
Cover art for this fic was commissioned from the extremely talented LupiArts, who is still open for commissions if anyone is interested.
