I trotted briskly after Bold and Wispy through the hallways of the palace. Normally, we submitted written reports after missions, but things had seemed… odd, ever since we’d returned from our latest rotation in the Everfree. Thankfully this one had been much less eventful than our previous such mission. The emotions in the air were tense. The ponies uncomfortable. We hadn’t been allowed out of sight of our escorts since our unit checked in, not even to change into clean armor or to drop saddlebags off at our quarters.
Even though we’d been out on a mission for the four previous months, and such courtesies were typically afforded to us, it was well within the rights of the crown to deny us them should expediency require it. I did not allow it to bother me.
Instead, quickly and efficiently, we’d been herded into the throne room, to face all three of our princesses, along with Shining Armor, and nearly half the palace guard.
“My Princesses,” said Bold, sinking into a bow. Behind him, Wispy and I did the same. “How may we be of service?"
“Rise, Lieutenants Bigflank and Nimbus. Sergeant Hooves.”
We did so.
Princess Celestia nodded in acknowledgment of our shows of deference. “We are in the process of removing Changeling infiltrators from the ranks of the guard. If any of you three are Changelings, step forward and you shall receive leniency. Remain silent and… Sergeant Hooves?”
“I wish for leniency, Your Majesty,” I said, bowing low to the ground.
A heavy sigh came from Princess Cadence.
“Idol,” said Shining Armor from his place at her side, his voice longsuffering, “they’re looking for Changeling Infiltrators.”
“Yes?” I said, waiting for more.
“You’re not a Changeling, Idol,” said Princess Cadence, gently.
“I’m… not?” I asked. Surely the Princess would know better than I, but…
“But I wish for leniency?” I tried again.
Shining Armor groaned in frustration. “You don’t need leniency, Idol, that’s for Changelings impersonating ponies!”
“Which I am, Sir,” I pointed out.
“Nay, young guard,” said Princess Luna. “Guardsponies replaced by Changelings can be identified primarily because their personalities have altered. Thine manner of speech and body language are the same as ever. If we truly suspected you, you would not have been allowed in the palace upon your return.”
“This is really just a formality, and for everyone else’s peace of mind,” said Shining Armor. “But still. Has to be done.”
He turned to the Earth Pony of our group, holding up a scroll marked with various readings and graphs. “See, Idol, this is Bold’s magical signature, taken the day we all swore our oaths as guards. If I compare it to his current one…” He performed a spell, and it glowed green, finishing with a happy-sounding ‘Ping!’
“They match,” finished Shining Armor. “So, Bold is officially Not A Changeling.”
“Good to know, Captain,” said Bold, with a grin.
He turned to Wispy and performed the spell, and received a similar-sounding, ‘Ping’ of satisfaction.
“Hooray!” cheered Wispy.
“But what about those who had been replaced before they enlisted?” I said. That seemed a rather glaring flaw in their system. Absently, I noted the spell Shining cast on me complete with a ‘Ping!’ just like those which my two companions had produced.
Princess Cadence shook her head. “The Guard infiltrations didn’t begin until two years ago, Idol.”
I frowned. “No, Your Highness,” I pointed out. “I, myself, enlisted more than ten years ago, therefore the infiltrations began more than ten years ago. Unless there were others before me of whom I am not aware…”
“There are more intensive methods we can use…” said Shining Armor, “but in the case of you three, it’s not necessary.”
“I strongly disagree,” I said. “If your tests miss me, no doubt they’ll miss others.”
Even Princess Celestia was beginning to look fondly amused by this point. “Very well, then Guardspony Hooves. If you truly are an infiltrator, then tell us, what was the name of the Changeling Queen who invaded Canterlot?”
I froze. “There… there was an invasion? Was anypony hurt? W-what did she want?” I couldn’t imagine what might drive a Queen to break secrecy.
“Nopony was seriously injured, Idol,” said Princess Cadence. “But if you don’t even know Queen Chrysalis’ name, then I find it hard to believe that you could be one of her agents.”
My breath caught in my throat. “Queen Ch—the Queen. She. No… no, it can’t be. But why? But how? But—” Suddenly, it seemed as though I couldn’t draw enough breath, my lungs moving shallowly, hyperventilating in my panic.
The others began to look truly concerned.
“Not an agent,” I bit out. “But I was—hatched—in the Hive of Queen Chrysalis. I’m an exile. Not part of the hive, not any longer, but—if she wished, the Queen could certainly force me back into the hive mind. All that I know, she would know. The security risk alone is unacceptable.”
I looked up, determination blazing away my disguise in flames of emerald. Every guard in the room save Shining jumped back, even Bold and Wispy.
I bowed, once again, before the thrones. “I hereby resign my position as a member of the Royal Guard, and await the judgment of the crown.”
After being dogpiled by a dozen guards, then dug out again by a shell-shocked Shining Armor, I was escorted to a cell, which appeared to have been specially made so that emotion could not pass through its walls or its bars. Six or seven of the cells around me were similarly occupied by Changelings, presumably those infiltrators caught by the increased security measures.
Then, I was left alone. Neither food nor water were provided to me, nor did the cell contain any. I shrugged, unconcerned. Spotting something scuttling in the corner of the cell piqued my interest.
Ah, most foresightful of the Princesses! Why provide additional food when the dungeons were already adequately stocked with roaches, rats, and mold?
Crouching down so as not to scare my prey, I leapt towards my dinner.
“Well…” said Princess Celestia. “That was… certainly something.”
“No hope of keeping it secret,” said Princess Cadence, with a sigh. “Half the Guard saw it, and the other half will soon hear of it. There will have to be a trial.”
“He’s plainly ignorant of anything to do with the invasion,” said Princess Luna. “We should be able to clear his name easily enough, but… I fear that may not be enough.”
“What’s that, Princess Luna?” said Shining Armor, trotting back up from the dungeons, his expression somber.
“A Changeling Idol Hooves may be, but I do not believe him a spy. His coloration looks as much like a Changeling as physically possible, while still being in a pony form.”
Princess Cadence shook her head in disbelief. “He came from the Saddle Arabian border, claiming to be an amnesiac. How did we never suspect…?”
Shining Armor sighed, adding, “Idol and I have known each other since our first day of enlistment. We were roommates for more than a year. And he’s on first-name basis with Cady. I doubt he’s a spy, but if he is, he clearly stopped relaying information quite some time ago.”
Princess Cadence nodded in agreement. “True. If Idol were a spy, then Queen Chrysalis would have been much better at impersonating me and probably wouldn’t have needed to mind-control Shining at all. She might never have been caught in the first place.”
“But we cannot simply pardon him,” said Princess Luna. “That would be seen as favoritism. And a trial, even one which proved his innocence, would expose him as a Changeling to all of Canterlot—to whatever friends and family he has managed to find. In the wake of the invasion, I can’t see them being very sympathetic. And a Changeling denied love from friends and family… is a Changeling doomed to starvation.”
At that moment, a guard winged in and whispered something to Princess Celestia. “It’s not over I’m afraid,” she told them, straightening up after listening to the messenger.
The others looked up curiously, but Celestia merely turned back to the guard. “Show her in.”
A few minutes later, a yellow Pegasus with a green mane entered the throne room. Upon seeing the princesses, she shied back in surprise. “Ah, your majesties!” She dropped into a bow. “M-my apologies, but I appear to be in the wrong place. I was looking for Idol Hooves—”
“Idol Hooves has been arrested,” said Princess Celestia.
The Pegasus nodded. “I see then, he’s been—arrested?” said Topaz, as she slowly realized what she was saying, eyebrows rising in incredulity. “Has bail been set?”
“Ten thousand bits,” said Princess Celestia, thinking it probably best to spare Sergeant Hooves this reunion for the time being.
But Topaz Showers merely drew a paper bag from her saddlebags. It was printed with the logo of a well-known jewelry cleaner. Inside the bag was a velvet box.
“Do I need to have this pawned, or will you accept my necklace as collateral?” she asked, opening the box to reveal a fine necklace dotted with topaz ladybugs.
“This is acceptable,” said Princess Celestia, reluctant, but nevertheless swayed by the fact that the mare cared so much. “Nimbus, Bigflank, escort Ms. Showers to Idol Hooves’ cell and see to it that he is released.”
“Yes, Your Highness!” said the two. “Right this way, Topaz.”
Once out of sight of the door, Princess Cadence’s horn lit up, and a square of magic that resembled a window appeared before them, through which could be seen Topaz Showers and the two guards.
“I don’t want to crowd them,” Cadence explained to her husband and the other two princesses, “But I do want to be able to run damage control later, depending on how bad this gets.”
“So,” Topaz was saying, in the window of magic, “What’s the bug-brain done this time?” she said. “Last time he was arrested, he’d caused a diplomatic incident quote unquote ‘defending Princess Luna’s honor.’”
Bold and Wispy exchanged a glance at the phrase ‘bug brain,’ and so did Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, watching in the throne room. Princess Luna, who had not heard about the previous incident, appeared touched.
“I swear, that stallion has no sense of self-preservation—” she began, but cut herself off as they entered the dungeons.
And saw all the Changelings.
“Oh,” said Topaz.
(“She knows?” said Shining Armor, back in the throne room.
“Maybe not,” said Cadence. “She specializes in insects. It could be work-related interest.”)
Topaz began trotting past the cells of Changelings, glancing left to right as she did so. She got about two-thirds of the way through, before she stopped.
Directly before the cell containing the Changeling who had once been Idol Hooves.
(“She knows!” said Shining Armor, in confused realization.)
“If I asked you what series of events led to you eating cockroaches off the floor of the palace dungeons,” said Topaz, in a voice drier than the desert where the two of them had first met, “would you be able to offer a satisfying explanation?”
The Changeling within the cell, Idol Hooves, looked up, licking the smashed remains of a bug off his hoof as he did so. “Greetings, Pony-Whom-I-Have-Neither-Met-Nor-Interacted-With-Before. How may I help you?”
“Never met before, huh?” said Topaz, looking skeptical and slightly amused. “Guess I shouldn’t have paid your bail, then. That’s a shame. I really could have used those ten thousand bits…”
“Paid my—“ the Changeling sat up, concerned. “Topaz, you are not obligated to spend money on me! You are my landpony. I give bits to you. That’s how it—“
“Tough, buster,” said Topaz, reaching forward through the bars of the cell and tapping his nose. “Besides, I paid it using that ridiculously expensive necklace you brought me from Manehattan. So, if you’d like, you could think of it as paying your own bail. And If not? Then too bad. If you don’t want to get bailed out, don’t get arrested in the first place!”
Topaz turned back to the guards, who were standing, slack-jawed.
“Right,” said Wispy, moving forward and unlocking the cell.
When Idol had left the cell, Topaz immediately trotted around him, checking for injuries. “How was your stint in the Everfree?”
“Tolerable,” said the Changeling. “I had thought to bring you back a specimen or two, but all we found were parasprites…”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Topaz, waving a wing in dismissal. “I can get my own research permit if I really want some Everfree insects, anyw—Idol, what did you do to your side?”
“Manticore,” said the Changeling, angling his head back to check the still-healing wound on his side, before starting towards the dungeon’s exit. “It should be gone by next molt.”
“You need to eat more protein,” said Topaz, with a sigh, as they left the dungeons and began to make their way through the palace halls. “And no, I don’t mean bugs off the floor! I’m sure you eat enough of those already, judging by how my house never has vermin or pests unless you’re away for an extended period…”
“It is the duty of a tenant to help tidy the house,” said Idol Hooves, in a perfectly reasonable tone of voice.
Topaz sighed. “Speaking of extended absences… what exactly were you arrested for?”
Idol cleared his throat, uncomfortably. “After the invasion, more stringent security measures were put in place to detect… infiltrators.”
“Ah,” said Topaz. “I suppose that would do it,” she glanced at the hallway ahead. “At any rate, we’re almost to the exit. Do you have enough energy to reapply your disguise?”
“I think that would be… unwise, with how low my reserves are,” Idol admitted.
“Oh,” said Topaz growing concerned. “Idol, you really need to stop trading into Everfree duty. It’s not healthy for you to be away from ponies for so long. You’re always a half-starved wreck whenever you come back.”
“But Mothchaser wished to attend her nephew’s Cuteceañera.”
“And I’m sure she’s grateful, but that gratitude doesn’t exactly do you much good when you’re not around to feed on it, now does it? Hang on, I think I’ve got just the... Ha!” she pulled a jar from her saddlebags, triumphantly. “Bought this off Honey Dew this morning, so the love and care she put into making it should still be fresh. Idol?”
“Hmm?” Idol asked, as he began licking the honey directly from the jar.
“Think that’ll be enough? I’ve got two tickets to Wonder Mare with our names on them. You could refill your reserves of hype and heroism at least.”
“Those are not emotions, Topaz,” Idol informed her, licking honey from around his mouth. His eyes closed and his face took on a considering expression. “Unfortunately, disguise is still out of my reach. On the bright side, it will now take me at least another week to starve. Thank you, Topaz.”
The Pegasus slumped in disappointment. “Well, Plan B is it, then,” she said, with a sigh, digging, once again, through her saddlebags, eventually drawing forth a pair of sunglasses.
“Here, wear these,” she instructed, placing them on Idol Hooves’ face, and straightening them.
Idol blinked, the action just barely visible behind the lenses. “What?” he asked.
“There we go,” said Topaz, finishing her adjustments and ignoring him. “Perfect!”
“Topaz I am clearly not a pony,” said Idol Hooves, with a sigh. “It is a good thought, but I don’t believe such a disguise will be effective.”
“It won’t make them think you’re a pony, no,” agreed Topaz. “But that’s not the point.”
“Is not making others think one a pony the sole purpose of a Changeling’s disguise?”
“A generic Changeling, sure, but that hardly applies to you.”
Idol shook his head. “I do not wish to draw the Hive’s ire.”
“Idol,” said Topaz, slowly. “Your former Queen and hive just invaded Canterlot. Do you really think they’ll go after you for walking around sans disguise?”
Idol Hooves nodded uncertainly. “…Yes?”
“How would they get back into the city?” asked Topaz, “And, for that matter, do you really think they can spare the time or the drones to come after one exile, doing nothing more than minding his own business?”
He hesitated. “The whims of the Queen are mysterious and ever changing, but I admit it sounds… unlikely.”
“Great,” Topaz enthused. “So let’s hit the town!”
Idol frowned. “Do you truly think it wise to parade around as I am in a city still reeling from the effects of a Swarm? Whatever the recent actions of my kind may have indicated, I have no wish to gorge myself on fear and unease.”
“That’s what the sunglasses are for!”
Idol looked concerned. “Topaz, are you quite well?”
“Trust me! Have I ever steered you wrong before?”
Idol Hooves considered the question.
“No,” he said, eventually, and, to the surprise of all watching and listening, that appeared to settle the matter for him. “You mentioned tickets to ‘Wonder Mare’? I’ll admit, excitement and whimsy with a side dish of awe does sound like a filling meal.”
Topaz broke into a huge grin. “Shall we?” she asked, slinging her saddlebags onto her back.
Idol nodded quite seriously, falling into step with her, and the pony and Changeling trotted out the palace doors, side by side.
Lieutentants Nimbus and Bigflank had joined the audience in the throne room, as had half a dozen off-duty guards, all of them watching along with the Princesses and Shining Armor as Topaz Showers and her Changeling companion approached the theater.
“Ma’am,” said the usher, eyes going wide as he spotted Idol, “That’s—”
“My cousin from Baltimare,” Topaz finished. “Just taking him to see the sights while he’s here.”
“Ma’am, that’s a Changeling!”
Topaz paused, “He is?” She turned to face her companion, affecting surprise and hurt. “Idol, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry, Topaz,” said Idol, taking on an air of contrition, but clearly playing along. “There never seemed to be a good time. And, as the years went by, it just got harder and harder, until…” He was cut off by a hug.
“You idiot!” she said, smiling softly. “Did you really think I would care?”
They continued the exchange for a few minutes, before turning to the usher again. “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re holding up the line. Here are our tickets.”
With that, they were in.
They went over to the concession stand.
“Changeling!” shrieked the employee, upon seeing Idol.
“Changeling?” cried Idol, rearing back in apparent alarm and panic. “Where?!”
“W-what do you mean, ‘where’?” asked the frazzled pony. “You’re the Changeling!”
Idol stopped. “I am?” he asked, in a very small voice.
“…yes?”
“Topaz, help me!” Idol cried, hunkering down on his belly with his hooves over his head. “I’m a Changeling!”
It was several minutes of mock consolation before they got their popcorn and headed to the theater, followed by several bemused ponies who had seen both their performance inside and outside the theater.
Once inside, they saw that the entire two front rows had been left open, all other play-goers clustered into the back of the theater.
Obligingly, Topaz and Idol settled into the front row. A few of those who had followed them seemed less afraid than they were curious, but didn’t sit any closer than the second row. Even the actors were eyeing him nervously, as they began the opening scene.
As the play went on and Idol continued to watch politely, eventually the other ponies in the theater gradually forgot about him.
When the play ended, Idol and Topaz found themselves surrounded by a crowd of curious ponies, including quite a few of the play’s actors, answering their questions.
“Obviously, it was the actions of a Queen gone mad,” said Idol, when asked to explain why the Changelings invaded in the first place.
“Wait, really?” said Topaz. “I thought the plan was to cocoon the population and feed off them?”
“Topaz, my people are parasites. What kind of parasites actively attempt to injure their hosts?”
She blinked. “Ah, I think I see. If Changelings went around injuring ponies, it would only make it harder to gather love, disguises or no.”
“But why are you here?” asked a pony. “Shouldn’t you be in jail?
“My bail was paid, and I was hungry.”
The ponies around him drew back.
“Changelings feed on emotion,” Idol explained, attempting reassurance. “At plays, the air is charged with it. This allows me to feed off excess emotion without draining anypony to the point where it would be harmful.”
“But, why aren’t you disguised?” asked the leading stallion.
“In truth?” said Idol. “I disguised myself these last ten years primarily because the Hive would have killed me otherwise. Now, they have no grounds to single me out, not when they’ve broken the old laws themselves. At any rate, disguises require energy. Even if fewer ponies love me in my true form, the lack of energy drain that a disguise would cause still means I have more energy overall.”
“Ten years? You’ve been in Canterlot for ten years?”
“Yes. I was exiled from the hive for poor chamber construction. Among ponies, I may choose a job which better suits my abilities.”
“What do you look like as a pony?”
Emerald magic flashed, and Idol Hooves appeared, once again, as a unicorn.
“Wait,” said an actress. “I remember you. You were the pony who cried the first time you came here!”
“The concentration of emotion stories stir in ponies can be… overwhelming to a Changeling who has not experienced such before.”
“You…” said one of the audience members, face lighting in recognition. “aren’t you one of the palace guards?”
Idol nodded. “Order only knows whether I shall remain so, but for the past decade, yes.” His magic flared, and he returned to appearing as a Changeling.
“What happened to the pony you replaced?”
“I didn’t replace anyone. There never was a Pony named Idol Hooves.” He paused. “Well, I suppose there may have been at some point. Ponies are fond of puns. But the Idol Hooves who came to Equestria from Saddle Arabia and joined the Royal Guard, has always been me.”
“How… did that happen?”
Idol sighed. “It’s a long story.”
He noticed that his audience remained rapt and attentive. Topaz gave him an encouraging smile.
“Well,” he said, “I suppose you could say all this began with making the wrong choice…”
It was nearing midnight when Idol Hooves and Topaz Showers left the theater.
And were promptly greeted with screams of ‘Changeling!’ from the ponies outside, leading to Topaz having to introduce her ‘cousin from Baltimare’ yet again in order to prevent a stampede.
Once they were on their way, the two exchanged a glance and a relieved sigh.
“Feel like braving a club or two before calling it a night?” asked Topaz.
Idol shook his head. “I should make certain that I am adequately rested before work tomorrow.”
Topaz faltered for a step, before regaining her footing. “…Idol, you’re on bail, remember? You won’t be reinstated as a guard until after the trial, if at all.”
Idol nodded, but continued quite seriously, “True, but with half a dozen Changeling prisoners, it’s hard to think that they would have no use for a Changeling, even if only as a consultant.”
“They may not accept your help,” said Topaz, gently. “There’s still a lot of fear towards Changelings, as a species. It will take time for them to trust you again.”
“I am aware,” Idol admitted, “but after the affection and respect which they have shown me, how could I do otherwise? It may take months, perhaps years, to even begin regaining the confidence and friendship of my colleagues. But regardless, I will attempt it. They deserve no less.”
Topaz’s eyes softened. “You’re a good Changeling, Idol Hooves,” she said. “And a good pony, too.”
“It… it means a great deal to hear you say that, Topaz,” said Idol Hooves. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” said the Pegasus, as the two of them finally came within sight of home.
Back in the throne room, the three Princesses were observing the frozen ranks of watching guards, a few of whom had gone teary-eyed, touched by Idol’s resolution to regain their respect.
Princess Luna was smiling in satisfaction. “I think we need not worry about our guard starving in the near future.”
Celestia, Cadence, and Shining Armor couldn’t help nodding in agreement.
