Sometimes we just need to cry.
Rainbow Dash watched as the sun and moon traded places in the horizon, creating streaks of orange and yellow hues across the sky. She soared through the clouds, embracing the momentary beauty, wishing the sunset would last more than a minute or two.
Stars filled the night sky as a giant yawn escaped from Rainbow’s muzzle. Wonderbolt training often proved exhilarating and fun, but it also proved exhausting. Sometimes Rainbow found herself missing the days of weather captaining if only for the midday naps. Spitfire never allowed naps.
At least training was done for the next week and finally she could just hang out and see her friends—tomorrow—after sleep. Below, she saw all Ponyville readying themselves for bed. Passing over Fluttershy’s house, she noticed the lights were still on. It seemed so long since she’d seen her friend, she thought of postponing sleep long enough to say hi. Then she yawned again and thought better of the plan. Definitely time to sleep.
Something below caught her eye. At first it was just a white blob on top of a brown blob but soon Rainbow realized the blobs were waving. Circling back for a closer look, the brown blob came into focus as a bear and the white blob as a bunny. Angel stood on Harry’s back, both waving to her frantically. Something was wrong.
Rainbow zoomed toward them, landing softly on the ground. “What’s happening? Is Fluttershy okay?”
Angel gesticulated wildly toward the cottage. He mocked rubbing her eyes and then made a big sad face with fake tears before motioning toward the cottage once more.
“Okay, I’ll check in on her,” Rainbow said.
A knock at the cottage was met with a quiet yet audible, “Go away.” Sniffles followed.
“Uh, Fluttershy, it’s me. Rainbow Dash. Are you okay?”
“Go away,” the small voice answered through stifled sobs.
“Are you sure? Your animals are worried about you.”
“Please, just go away.”
Rainbow shrugged, making to leave. Angel shook his head no while pointing toward the cottage. “I don’t know. I think she wants to be left alone.”
Angel pointed again, clearly not listening.
“Look, I want to help, I do, but I have to listen--”
This time, Angel knocked for Rainbow.
Surprisingly, the door opened revealing Fluttershy’s messy mane, snot-filled muzzle, and drooped ears. “I just want to be alone,” she cried. “Please.”
“Okay. I get it. I’ll come check on you tomorrow, okay?”
Suddenly, Fluttershy erupted into giant sobs, falling into Rainbow’s coat. Her muzzle rubbed snot all over her fur. Rainbow reached a wing around her friend.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she said, although she didn’t really know what was wrong and it certainly didn’t seem okay.
Fluttershy’s crying showed no sign of abating, so Rainbow led her friend back inside the cottage. Angel closed the door behind them.
Rainbow could think of a million questions she wanted to ask, but held herself back. Fluttershy would tell her when ready and until then she clearly just needed to be held. Rainbow could only think of a few instances when she’d found Fluttershy in such a state and each time Fluttershy shared her troubles only after soaking Rainbow’s coat with a tear rainstorm.
At last the sobs lessened. Fluttershy pulled away, her head hung low. “I’m sorry, Rainbow. I’m just so upset.”
“You want talk about it?” Rainbow asked.
“No. I don’t want to,” Fluttershy answered.
“Okay. Well, I’m here to talk when you’re ready.” It was strange, Rainbow reflected, how she didn’t mind talking about her friends' feelings and hurts, but still retained her own hard-shell when dealing with her own problems.
Fluttershy drew in a few deep breaths, allowing the last of the sobs to pass. “I’m okay now. Sometimes I just need a good cry.”
Rainbow didn’t disagree aloud. She did, however, stifle a yawn.
“Oh, you’re tired. You probably should go home. I’m okay now. Really.”
“I’m good. I have no where I need to be tomorrow so I can hang as long as you want.”
Fluttershy made to disagree but then nodded yes. “I’d like that, actually. Um, can we go somewhere else? Anywhere else?”
“Sure. I'm game for wherever.”
“Okay, give me a moment. I just need to do a few last chores.”
While Fluttershy tended to her animals, Rainbow looked for clues. The cottage seemed normal, but an unfamiliar bag lay near the door. Rainbow considered for a moment that it was wrong to snoop, but found herself edging toward the bag until she could see some of the contents. Inside she saw an upside-down picture frame, some twigs and leaves, some incense, and toiletries.
“You ready?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
Since Fluttershy often preferred her hooves on the ground, it surprised Rainbow when the yellow pegasus took off in flight. “Let’s go to a cloud,” she said. “Any cloud.”
Rainbow shrugged. “Awesome, let's do it.”
While stars from the ground could look pretty cool, stars from the clouds proved stunning. Rainbow loved cloud surfing until she could find the best view. Tonight, Fluttershy seemed inclined to do the same despite the mostly clear sky. After a while, they settled on a smaller cloud.
As they gazed at the glowing stars, Rainbow felt her exhaustion take over. She knew Fluttershy needed her, but Rainbow needed sleep. Her eyes began to drift closed despite her best efforts.
“…making pictures out of the stars,” Fluttershy was saying.
Rainbow forced her eyes open, shaking away the tiredness. Her friend needed her. She was strong enough not to let a little sleepiness win. “I used to do that as a filly. My mom and dad and I loved to go outside and see who could find the awesomest pictures. My dad really loved studying the stars and tried teaching me all the official names but I never was good at remembering that kind of thing.”
“I always thought the Celestia Cluster looked more like a big bear than a pony,” Fluttershy said.
After a lengthy star discussion, Fluttershy yawned softly as Rainbow felt her second wind slipping away.
“You want to go back?” Rainbow asked.
“I know it’s late and you were very kind to stay up with me. You can go if you want. I just want to stay here.”
“You don’t want to be in your house, do you?”
“No. Not right now. Too many memories.”
“We can go back to my place. I’ll make you a bed and we’ll call it a sleepover.”
For some reason, panic flashed in Fluttershy’s expression. Only for a moment. Before Rainbow could confirm she wasn’t imagining it, the panic was gone, replaced with Fluttershy’s signature calm. “No. I want to just stay here.”
“I’ll stay, too, then,” Rainbow said, unable to stop a giant yawn. “I’m sort of an expert at falling asleep on random clouds.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you ready to talk now?” Rainbow asked hesitantly, not wishing to make her friend cry yet again.
“Yeah. Maybe,” Fluttershy began, turning to face Rainbow. “Did you know I had a marefriend?” she asked.
“Uh, no. I guess I didn’t.” She stopped herself from pointing out she didn’t even know Fluttershy liked mares in that way. It was cool, after all, that she did. Just, not something Rainbow had thought much about. The more she reflected, the more she realized none of their friends talked much about their relationships.
“Well, I did.”
“Tree Hugger?” Rainbow asked.
“Yeah. For a while now. We understood each other. It worked well at first.”
“And then?”
“Then my aura wasn’t clear enough or my house was too messy or I kept saying the wrong thing. Soon I found myself always working to do my best to be who she wanted me to be because if I worked really hard at that maybe I’d be good enough. I’m not like you. I’m not good at many things and I really hate that and I don’t like to fail either, but I do fail a lot. I thought maybe if I just worked really hard at this, I wouldn’t fail.”
Rainbow moved closer to Fluttershy, extending her wing in comfort. Fluttershy cuddled closer, wiping away her tears on Rainbow’s coat.
“I think you’re good at a lot of things,” Rainbow said. “Your animals would agree.”
“Yes. I know. But I wanted to be good at this. I wanted it to work out.”
“So who broke it off?” Rainbow asked, thinking back to the overnight bag by Fluttershy’s door.
“We agreed it wasn't working and we’d just be friends.”
“Wow, that sounds rough. I’m glad, you know, that you’re telling me. I was getting worried.”
“Thank you for listening.”
Silence took over for a while. The brilliant yellow light of the full moon made it seem as though the clouds themselves glowed in the night.
"You can go if you want," Fluttershy said after a while. "I'll be fine."
"It's hard getting out of relationships," Rainbow said. "I'll stay."
Fluttershy drew in a deep breath, circling her hoof into the wisps of the cloud. "You've always been there for me. When I was a filly and the others made fun of me. When I need help with something. When I need to talk. You're always there."
"You're my best friend. That's what friends do."
Fluttershy's ears remained back, though she seemed less upset. Again she drew a deep breath.
"So what else is bothering you?" Rainbow asked, straightening.
"I don't know...I want to tell you but...I don't know."
"I can't make you tell me, but maybe it'd help you feel better if you did. I know when I hold things in it doesn't usually end well. I end up yelling or doing something stupid."
"I wanted it to work with Tree Hugger, but the truth is, I knew it wouldn't. Even from the beginning I knew she wasn't the one."
"Then why did you date her?"
"Because I couldn't date the one pony I truly felt right with."
"Why not?"
Fluttershy stretched, moving away from Rainbow's hold. She sighed. "Because I thought of it a million times and each time it just never came together. I knew it wouldn't work out."
"Did you ever tell this pony you cared about them?"
"No. I mean, not really. I tried but I could never quite muster up the courage. You know me."
"Well, if you want my advice, you should tell her. If it doesn't work out, at least you would have tried. Nothing worse than not trying and not knowing."
"Yeah. Maybe."
Silence again. Fluttershy leaned back into Rainbow's barrel, allowing Rainbow's wing to wrap around her like a blanket.
Rainbow's legs and wings ached from exhaustion. They begged for her to just lower her head and close her eyes. Just rest, they told her. But Fluttershy seemed wide awake, just staring up at the sky, clearly still troubled.
“Can I ask you something?” she finally asked.
“Of course. You can ask me anything."
“The girls and I have always wondered but, well, we didn’t want to ask. We knew you’d talk about it if you felt comfortable and well, no, maybe I shouldn’t ask. Nevermind.”
Rainbow turned from the stars to watch her friend closely. “You can ask me anything.”
“Okay. If you’re sure. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“Just ask already.”
“Do you like mares or stallions?”
Rainbow choked despite herself. “Uh? What?”
“It’s okay, you don’t have to answer.”
“No, it’s okay. I just, honestly, haven’t given it much thought.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Silence again. Fluttershy puffed parts of the cloud into little balls, watching as each ball faded with the wind. Rainbow counted two more deep breaths from her clearly troubled friends.
At last, Rainbow decided to open up. This was Fluttershy after all. She'd understand.
“Actually, I mean, I thought about it but I tried not thinking about it. I know it’s cool either way, but I always tried not thinking about it because I didn’t really want to process how I felt. I’ve always been so focused on the Wonderbolts that I never paid too much attention to relationships at all. I guess I’ve always liked both but was scared to think what it would mean to others if they found out I liked mares so I just tried to ignore it and keep it to myself. No point in worrying about it when I wasn’t even in any relationships.”
Rainbow realized she was babbling, but couldn’t stop. So many years of avoidance finally caught up to her.
“Does it change how you think about me?” Fluttershy asked. “I mean, to know that I like mares. Does it change your view of who I am?”
“No. You’re still my best, closest friend.”
“Exactly. Whether you like mares, stallions, or both isn’t going to change how any of us think of you.”
Rainbow might not admit it aloud, but she felt such relief from Fluttershy’s words. “That’s cool,” she finally managed.
“Can I tell you something else? Can you promise you won’t freak out?”
“Freak out? Why would I freak out?”
“I don’t know. I just always thought you might and that’s why I never told you. I mean, maybe I shouldn’t. Some things are best left unsaid.”
“Well now you’ve gotta tell me. You can’t leave me hanging.”
“Okay. Uh…, what I mean to say is…I…Oh, nevermind.”
A strange blush passed through Fluttershy’s cheeks. Suddenly Rainbow was aware of how close Fluttershy was to her, about her wing wrapped around her friend, and the picture became clear.
In an instant, she considered every interaction she'd had with the yellow pegasus. She wondered about every feeling. Every moment they spent together and how happy that made her. But why? Why did it make her so happy? Surely friendship. Right?
Fluttershy moved to speak again, but Rainbow hastened to interrupt. “Wait," she said. "Uh, just wait. Don’t tell me yet,” She’d never thought of Fluttershy that way…or rather, she’d never let herself think of Fluttershy that way just like she never let herself consider her thoughts toward mares. This was all so confusing.
“Oh, okay,” Fluttershy said. Her ears flopped low as new tears crept toward the front of her eyes but never let loose. “I won’t then.”
“I mean, don’t tell me right now. Look, you’re just out of a relationship and you’re upset. I don’t want to be the rebound pony because that never works well, okay? I just…I don’t know how I feel and I guess I know how you feel and I’d like to just think about it. If we decide to do something about this, then I want to do it right. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy answered. “It does.”
“So in a month, okay. Can you tell me in a month?”
Fluttershy smiled softly, holding back a blush once more. “Sure, in one month.”
They sat on the cloud in more silence, Rainbow's thoughts racing. What if it ruined their friendship? What if they didn't, and it was right? How could she not have seen this coming? Or had she?
"I feel a lot better now," Fluttershy exclaimed. "Thank you."
"Any time. You should get some rest now. Want me to take you home?"
"No. Can we just stay here? Together?"
"Of course." Rainbow cuddled closer to Fluttershy, enjoying her warmth in the cool of the summer breeze.
A moment later, Fluttershy's rhythmic breathing told Rainbow that at least one of them managed sleep. Rainbow Dash considered her thoughts longer. Soon the sun and moon traded places once more, the stars fading in the moon’s wake. She didn’t know what to think or feel, but inside she felt more at ease than she had in a long time. It felt comforting and reassuring to look back on her life and understand herself in a new light.
Then a large yawn escaped.
Rainbow nestled her nuzzle into her fore legs. Over the next few days, she could process what all of this meant. For now, she allowed her eyes to drift closed as sleep finally took over.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed the story.
