Pinkie Pie Explains Everything

by DragonGeek

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Main 6, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 8563

The MLP universe is confusing sometimes. Luckily, Pinkie Pie is here to help! ...if you can understand a word she says, that is.

Pinkie Pie explains things. Lots of things. Everything, in fact. If you request a topic in the comments, I may cover it. Some things will be MLP things, some will be real life things. It really just depends.

Published 2017-11-30 23:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2018-12-25 22:40:01 UTC

The Mirror Pool

Author's Note

These chapters probably all take place at different times. This one is the day after the mirror pool incident in "Too Many Pinkie Pies".

The Mirror Pool

Pinkie Pie waved. "Hi, Twilight! What brings you into Sugarcube Corner today? You want a cupcake? I just whipped up a fresh batch!"

"Well, actually, I wanted to talk. But a cupcake sounds nice too."

Pinkie Pie handed her a cupcake swirled with brown and yellow, with bright orange frosting. "Chocolate orange swirl!" she said proudly. "Two bits, because Mrs Cake says I'm not allowed to give my friends free cupcakes anymore."

"Pinkie, everypony in town is your friend," Twilight said as she passed over two coins. "And you can't give everypony free cupcakes, or Sugarcube corner will go bankrupt."

"No way! That's exactly what Mrs Cake said!" Pinkie reached past Twilight, extending her leg much farther than it had any right to extend, and pulled up a chair. "So, tell me, what's up? What's bothering you?"

"Well..." Twilight sighed. "It's the mirror pool. All those Pinkies that came out of it... did we kill them?"

"Of course not, silly! You just sent them back into it! You even said so!"

"I know that's what the spell said, but what does that mean? If you created life by bringing them out, doesn't that mean I ended that life by returning them?"

Pinkie shook her head. "No, Twilight, it doesn't work that way. It's more like..." She paused, searching for the right metaphor. "It's like a row of houses! Only, in each house is the exact same family."

"Wait, what?"

"Imagine me and my family lived on a big street, and in each house on the street there was another version of my family. I could go to another house and knock on their door, and ask their Pinkie to come over and play at my house, see? Only the metaphor isn't perfect, because when they come to visit at my house then they forget a lot about who they are, and they only remember the thing that made me go over and invite them. Like yesterday, when I went to the mirror pool, I just wanted to have fun. So fun was the only thing all the Pinkies could think about. And then when you sent them back, it was like if my mom told all the Pinkies that they'd spent long enough at my house and it was time for them to go back home. Then when they go back home, more of who they really are comes back! You see?"

"Wait, you're saying... the mirror pool connects to other universes? And they're all exactly the same?"

"That's right! I knew you'd understand!" She patted Twilight on the head.

"But... but... how many are there?"

"As many as there need to be, silly!" Pinkie giggled.

Twilight's mouth dropped. "An infinite number of identical universes? How come nopony knows about this?"

"Don't be silly, Twilight! I know about it! And you haven't eaten your cupcake."

Thrown off by this abrupt subject change, Twilight glanced down. "Oh, you're right. But why are you the only one who knows about this?" She took a bite. "Wow, that's delicious!"

"I know! And the mirror pool is an old family story. I guess somepony way back in my family tree found it while mining one day."

"But- but- Pinkie, this is huge! An infinite multiverse and a single point at which they overlap! This could be a big discovery!"

Pinkie scoffed. "Yeah, and really dangerous! Twilight, listen to me. This is actually serious." She leaned forwards until her muzzle was inches from Twilight's. "Do you know why that book specifically warned you to be sure you didn't send the real me back into the mirror pool?"

Twilight shook her head, backing away from Pinkie's uncomfortable closeness.

"Let's go back to the houses. If you kick the neighbors out of your house, they'll just go back to your own. But if you kicked me out of my own house, I'd have nowhere to go! I'd be wandering the street forever. And because of the mirror pool's magic, I wouldn't be able to come back, and I wouldn't be able to go into anypony else's house either. I'd be stuck! Forever!"

Twilight paled.

"If you tell everyone about this, everypony will want to go to the mirror pool! Dozens of them will come in here, or else they'll go to other places. You and all the other yous will make mistakes and send back the wrong ponies, at least sometimes! And then there'll be ponies wandering around inside the pool, lost for all of time!"

Twilight swallowed hard. "Okay, Pinkie. I'll leave the pool alone."

"Good, 'cause I hadn't even started to get into the consequences if a badguy found the pool!" She leaned in close and whispered, "Between you and me, I think the FlimFlam brothers might actually be mirror clones, and then one changed his name, grew a mustache, and disguised his cutie mark so it wasn't so obvious."

"That's an... interesting theory... but I'm pretty sure they're just twins, Pinkie."

She shrugged. "Eh, you're entitled to your own opinion. But it's a conspiracy, I'm telling you." She glanced down at the rest of Twilight's cupcake. "You gonna eat that?"

"Oh- yes. I guess I wasn't paying much attention to that while we talked." Twilight picked it up. "Well, thanks for explaining the pool, Pinkie. You've given me a lot to think about."

Entropy

Pinkie Pie poked her head out of Sugarcube Corner. "Hi, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow landed on the ground. "Hey Pinkie. How did you know I was passing?"

"My left back hoof was tingling, and that means a friend is coming by feeling mildly annoyed!"

"Wait, I thought tingling left back hoof meant somepony in the town was dousing for water."

"No, silly, that's an itchy left back hoof!" She reached out, yanked Rainbow Dash inside, and handed her a cupcake. "So, what's bothering you today?"

"I was talking to Twilight and she mentioned something called 'entropy.' I didn't know what it meant, but it sounded really cool! But then the daily pile of fanmail arrived and she had to go respond to it, so she couldn't tell me what entropy was. Probably for the best anyway; she would've spent three hours lecturing me about it. Still, I was kind of interested, and now it's going to bug me for ages." She took a bite of the cupcake. "Wait, Pinkie, I thought you weren't supposed to give anypony free cupcakes anymore."

She shrugged. "The Cakes said it was okay as long as I only give them out to my really close friends, like you! And only one a day. And silly, you don't have to sit through three hours of lectures OR have existential dread and confusion hanging over your head! I can explain it to you!"

"This ought to be interesting," Rainbow mumbled into what little was left of her cupcake. "And it wouldn't have been existential dread, anyway."

"Eh, you say po-tah-to, I say to-may-to."

"Wait, those are two totally different words."

"Exactly! Because we're saying different things!"

"Huh?"

"Anyway! Entropy is like this. Imagine you've got a vase, okay? A pretty glass vase. But one day it falls off the shelf, hits the floor, and shatters into a million gazillion pieces! Oh no!"

"Pinkie Pie, my floor is made of clouds."

"Fine, then. Twilight has a vase and she drops it on her hard crystally floor. It breaks. Is it still a vase?"

"Huh?"

"If you look at it after she drops it, would you see a vase?"

"Well, of course not. It would just be a pile of shards on the ground."

"Exactly!"

"I don't follow."

Pinkie Pie stood up. "Maybe if I show you it would help. I'll go get a vase!"

"No! I, uh, I don't think that'll be necessary, Pinkie. Just explain what a pile of shards has to do with entropy."

"Oh!" She facehooved. "Silly me, I skipped a step again, didn't I? Well, the point is that you could glue the vase back together, but it'd never be exactly the same, and so-"

"But Rarity could use that spell of hers and magically fix the vase. Hay, Twilight could probably do that too."

"True, but either that or using glue would both take a lot of energy."

"And?"

"More specifically, repairing the vase would take more energy than breaking it would."

"...so?"

Pinkie sighed. "Look, the point is, it takes more energy to fix something than to break something. That's entropy."

"Oh! Why didn't you say that ten minutes ago?"

"You've only been in here for three minutes, Rainbow."

"Whatever." She pulled out a few bits. "Thanks for explaining that, I guess. Can I get one of those cupcakes to go?"

"Sure! I should get back to work. Feel free to stop by again some time if you have something that needs explaining!" Pinkie bounced behind the counter and pulled out a cupcake.

"You took three minutes to explain something that only needed a single sentence."

"Eh, potAYto tomAHto."

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes as she took off.

Author's Note

Between this chapter and the last one, you should have a pretty good idea of what this fanfic will be like. Sometimes Pinkie will explain things in MLP, sometimes scientific concepts, sometimes things I'm learning about in school, because explaining things helps me understand them better too. Feel free to comment with suggestions for what Pinkie should explain next!

Pinkie Sense, Maud Sense, and Cheesy Sense

A stranger, a stallion in his mid-20's by the looks of him, wandered into Sugarcube Corner one afternoon. His coat was grey and his hair was brown--an odd combination, but he pulled it off. He was an earth pony, and his cutie mark was a neat black grid. Pinkie immediately started mentally planning his "Welcome to Ponyville" party.

"Hello, there!" she called cheerily, waving. "What can I get you?"

He dropped three bits on the counter in a neat stack. "Chocolate milkshake. And a conversation, if you don't mind."

"Not at all! I'm always happy to get to know new ponies!" Before he could quite process what had happened, she had poured two milkshakes--chocolate for him, strawberry for her--and whisked both of them to a table near the window. "So, what's your name? I'm Pinkie Pie!"

"I've heard of you, Pinkie Pie. My name is Obsessive Compulsive, but most people just call me OC. I roam Equestria in a search for answers."

"About what?" she asked, taking a sip of the milkshake.

"Everything! I want to make it all fit. I want it to make sense. That's what my cutie mark means--a logical, orderly world where everything makes sense."

Pinkie shrugged. "I think things that don't make sense can be fun sometimes. Like Discord!"

"Discord might be chaotic, but he still makes sense in a way. He's chaotic, and he always will be. That means at least one thing is predictable--his chaos. But I'm not here to ask about Discord, I'm here to ask about you."

"What about me?"

He took a long sip of the milkshake before he replied. "Your 'Pinkie sense'--or, more specifically, what category it fits in?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea. Twilight tried to categorize it once, and it didn't work very well."

"No, not like that." His hoof tapped the table, emphasizing his words as he spoke. "See, Cheese Sandwich, famed Party Pony, has a 'Cheesy Sense'. You're also a Party Pony, so it could be a Party Pony thing--but then your sister has it too, and she's the exact opposite of a Party Pony!"

Pinkie scoffed. "You clearly haven't seen her on Sugarcube Corner's Open Mike Nights!"

He waved a dismissive hoof. "The question I want to ask is, is it a family thing or a Party Pony thing?"

"Oh! I see. That's a waaaaay different question than Twilight had! This one won't get a piano dropped on your head. Probably."

OC nervously looked up at the ceiling, checking for pianos.

Pinkie giggled. "But your answer is--it's both! Not all Pies have the Sense, but a lot of us do. So do other families we're related to, like the Cakes and the Donuts."

OC did a double-take. "You're related to the Cakes?"

"Sure! Mr. Cake is Mom's brother! What, did you think they sent me to live with some random strangers?"

"Well... you never call them 'Aunt' or 'Uncle'..."

"When you were a foal, did you ever meet a guy who told you to call him by his first name even though foals are supposed to call grown-ups by their last names?"

"Well, sure, but..." Uncertain what objection he was going to raise, he instead drank some more of his shake.

"The Cakes are kinda like that, only not really, 'cause they like to be referred to by only their last names. But see, if they didn't, I'd be calling them Uncle Carrot and Aunt Cup. What kind of weird names are those? They're about baking, so of course they'd rather have their name be Cake!"

He tilted his head. "I guess that makes sense."

"It's the exact same reason my family doesn't usually go by Pie--we don't bake pie! And everyone in the more distant family branches go by the same principle. Like, Cheese Sandwich doesn't make sandwiches, so usually he goes by Cheese and-"

"Slow down!" He put his hooves in the air. "Go back! What was that about Cheese Sandwich?"

"Yeah, he's like a third cousin?" She laughed. "Glad he's not a first cousin! Really, anypony whose last name is a food with flour is-"

"Wait, what was that about how great it was he's not too closely related?"

"Now, as far as I can tell the Apples are far away enough that they don't have the Sense, probably because 'fourth cousin twice removed by a third cousin' makes no sense at all as far as I can tell..."

"Wait! Go back to Cheese Sandwich!"

"And it's far more common for Party Ponies in the family to have the Sense, but other ponies have it too sometimes. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if I've heard of a Party Pony who wasn't in our family."

"But what does Cheese- you know what? Never mind."

She smiled. "So, how long are you staying in Ponyville?"

"Just for the night. My only reason for coming was to talk to you about that whole thing."

"Then I'll have to hurry if I want to get your party ready tonight! Come back here at six o' clock, okay? I'll have it ready."

He looked up at the clock. "Pinkie, that only gives you three hours! How can you possibly do that so fast?"

"Eh, I've done it on a tighter schedule."

He shrugged. That was a road not even he was prepared to inquire down. He glanced down at his milkshake, but by now it was empty, so he stood up, thanked Pinkie, and headed for the door. As he reached it, Pinkie's tail began twitching furiously. Not noticing, he opened it and stepped out.

"OC! Wait!" Pinkie shouted.

A piano slid off Sugarcube corner's roof and landed on his head.

Pinkie sighed and turned away. "I tried to warn him..."

Author's Note

At this point I'm not sure if OC represents me, or the commenter who asked this question. Either way, this was fun to write, and he will return at times. Thanks for the question, VShuffler42!

Mage Meadowbrook

Twilight, flipping through a book, sighed deeply. Pinkie popped up next to the chair where she was reading. "What's wrong, Twilight?"

"Gah!" Twilight shouted, reflexively flinging the book across the room. "Pinkie? Where did you come from?"

"I mean, there shouldn't be anything wrong," Pinkie continued obliviously, pulling a piece of paper out of absolutely nowhere and scanning it. "According to my calculations, the emotional high from saving the Pillars, and Stygian too, should keep up for at least another week! But you're sighing!" She leaned over and shook Twilight. "WHY ARE YOU SIGHING?"

Twilight pushed Pinkie away with her magic, giving herself a little breathing room. "It's actually about the Pillars. Remember in Starlight's old village, when she said the staff was one of the nine enchanted items of Mage Meadowbrook?"

"Only there were actually eight and her staff was a fake? Yeah! I remember!"

"Well, all my books said Mage Meadowbrook was an eastern unicorn, but she's an earth pony, lives in a swamp, and makes potions, not enchanted items! It just doesn't add up." Twilight gestured to a massive stack of books on the table beside her. "I'm trying to research it, but I just can't seem to make it fit. Every book on legends says Meadowbrook is a southern earth pony healer. Every book on magical items says she's an eastern unicorn enchanter. It just doesn't make sense!"

"Hmm... can I look at those?"

Twilight shrugged and pulled up a second chair. "Sure, Pinkie. But I doubt you'll figure it out either. I've been looking this stuff up for hours!"

Pinkie hopped into the chair and grabbed three books. "If it makes you stop sighing and get back on that emotional high, it's worth it!"

Twilight couldn't help but smile. "Pinkie, I swear, you'd do anything to make your friends happy!"

Pinkie gasped. "You're smiling! It's working!" She started flipping through books frantically, determined to keep that smile on Twilight's face.

As Twilight watched in amazement, she grabbed two more books, flipping through them in a storm of paper, checking one, then another. "Uh-huh... that makes sense... but then..." She added three more books to this whirlwind, and Twilight's mouth dropped.

It wasn't as if she hadn't done similar things, she reflected. It was just that she had magic, and thus could hold all the books up as she flipped through them all. Pinkie was keeping up this storm of research with just two hooves. And occasionally, Twilight realized, her tail as well.

"But what about..." Pinkie muttered, grabbing another book--that made nine, and she showed no signs of stopping. "Okay... so then... but that would mean..."

"Would mean what?" Twilight finally asked.

Pinkie Pie looked up. "It all makes sense! I can't believe I didn't see it sooner!"

"What makes sense?"

"It explains everything!"

"WHAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING?" Twilight shouted, at the end of her patience.

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down on the chair. "They're two different ponies!"

"...What?"

Pinkie took a deep breath. "You see, one of your books of legends also included Mistmane and in a little teeny-tiny note at the bottom it told about how she went on all these adventures with this group of ponies and when she came home she'd create these beautiful presentations of everything that had happened to them kinda like shadow puppets only not and then her friend Sable Spirit had this one pony that was always her favorite from the stories so she named her kid after her and in another book it said Mage Meadowbrook's mom was named Sable Spirit and so obviously Mage Meadowbrook the enchantress unicorn was named for just plain Meadowbrook the earth pony healer!"

Twilight blinked several times.

"Pretty neat, huh?" Pinkie added.

"Um... yes?" Twilight said, still trying to process this. "So... just to clarify, you're saying that Mistmane's friend named her daughter Meadowbrook in honor of the other Meadowbrook, but they're not the same pony?"

"Exactly!" Pinkie exclaimed with a grin. "In fact, a third book said that Mage Meadowbrook had five siblings. They were probably all named after the Pillars too! We're lucky only one of them grew up to be a famous enchanter, or we'd have an even bigger problem on our hooves!"

And, leaving Twilight to contemplate that prospect in horror, she bounced out of the room.

Author's Note

Yeah. To say the two different presentations of Meadowbrook bugged me would be an understatement.
In "A Health of Information" Fluttershy says that the Mystical Mask is Mage Meadowbrook, but I'm ignoring that because I think she probably just assumed it was the same Meadowbrook that Twilight had mentioned back in Season 5, just like everypony else did.

Lyra Heartstrings (and Shipping)

Entering Sugarcube Corner was like walking into a blizzard of flour, sugar, and other baking ingredients. Twilight, as she stepped inside, blinked like someone bad at metaphors. "...Pinkie?" she asked uncertainly. "What's going on in here?"

Pinkie popped up from behind the counter, holding a cupcake striped with white and green. "I'm experimenting with cupcake flavors that match each pony in Ponyville!"

"That's... kind of creepy, Pinkie."

"Not for their birthday, it's not!" she countered, hopping over to Twilight. "I often make cakes colored like each pony. This is just matching flavors to colors! Like, Rainbow is a bunch of fruit, and Rarity would be lavender and vanilla, and you're blackberry."

"Blackberry?"

"Surprisingly purple, given its name and all!" Pinkie giggled.

Twilight blinked several times, then decided to just roll with it. "So who is that cupcake for?"

"Lyra. Mint-vanilla! It's pretty good, but I think it needs chocolate chips. What do you think?" She passed the green and silver-white cupcake to Twilight, who took a bite.

Used to giving feedback on Pinkie's experimental recipes, Twilight pondered the blend of flavors. "Hmm... Yeah, I think chocolate would be good here. But chocolate chips would mess up the color scheme... what if it was filled with chocolate inside, like a lava cake?"

Pinkie gasped. "Twilight, that's it! You're a genius!"

"I try," Twilight agreed modestly, as Pinkie raced off to the kitchen again. But this treat had gotten her thinking. "Hey, PInkie?"

"Uh-huh?"

"What's up with Lyra, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I've heard she's obsessed with these mythical 'humans'. She even sits like one!"

"No no no, you've got this all wrong. It's Bon Bon who's obsessed with humans!" Pinkie said, shoving a vanilla cupcake with swirled strawberry and blueberry icing at her.

Twilight took it uncertainly. "Are you sure? But everypony says-"

Suddenly, Pinkie was right in front of her muzzle, wearing her Most Serious Face. "The last time 'everypony said' was Zecora, and everypony was wrong. Including me. And I know about everypony in this town."

Twilight slid backwards. "Okay, I believe you."

"Good."

"But then, why does Lyra always sit like a human?" Twilight took a bit of the cupcake. "Ooh, that's a good flavor combination."

"Thanks! And Lyra sits that way because Bon Bon likes it. She's just making her friend happy."

"Friend? I thought they were more than that."

Pinkie shrugged. "Again, what everypony says can be wrong. All I know on this one is that the town has a betting pool on when they're going to come out."

Twilight tossed the empty cupcake wrapper into a conveniently-placed trash can. "What are you betting for?"

"My bet's placed on them actually being just friends. There's no real reason to think otherwise. Ponies are making a big deal about nothing. Sure, they might be in love, but they might not be! We can't really tell."

"Huh." Twilight stared off into space thoughtfully. "Um... Is that the only relationship betting pool in Ponyville?"

"Not at all! There's one for everypony, I think, but the ones about us are the most popular."

"Us, like, you and me?" Twilight asked, eyes wide.

"Well, I meant our entire friend group, but yeah, you and I are pretty popular to bet on."

Hesitantly. "Are you talking about us separately... or as a couple?"

"Both!"

"WHAT?"

"The shipping between different members of our friend group is intense. I know at least one pony who believes in each possible pairing between the six of us."

"But- but-"

"There's also a large group of ponies who ship you with Tempest Shadow, for some reason."

"WHAT?"

"I know, right?" Pinkie shrugged. "But they have fun with it, so I let them."

"But any pairing within the group... it would completely change the dynamic! Totally mess it up!"

"I know. Plus there's the issue of whether the Elements of Harmony would even work, if some of us were more than friends."

Twilight's eyes went, if possible, even wider. "I'd never even thought of that!"

"Few ponies do."

With a kind of morbid curiosity, Twilight asked, "Which pairs are most popular to bet on?"

"Applejack and Rarity. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. Applejack and Rainbow Dash."

"But- but none of those would ever work out! They're too different!"

"They're not too different to be friends," Pinkie reminded her.

"Sure, but..." She paused, trying to put it into words. "I think the very same things that make their friendship strong would make a relationship difficult."

"How so?"

"Well... take you and me for an example."

"Almost nopony ships us, but okay."

Twilight took a breath, forming her thoughts carefully before expressing them. "When I'm around you, I feel a little less... I don't know, uptight. And I think I calm you down, as well."

"I think you do," Pinkie agreed. "I'm still, you know, me, but I'm wayyy better at holding calm, logical conversations with you than with, say, Rainbow Dash."

"Yes! You put exactly what I was looking for into words. You're a genius!"

"Well, duh."

"You're still you," Twilight continued, ignoring this. "And I'm still me, even if I'm a little less worried about schedules and neatness. I mean, look around this place!" Pinkie did, and started giggling at how much of a mess it was. Twilight giggled, too, then kept talking. "If this was in my castle, I'd have a seizure! But out here, with you around, it doesn't seem so bad."

"I see what you're getting at... but I don't."

Twilight nodded. "Well, now imagine if we were in a relationship. Suddenly we're having more influence on each other. We're affecting each other more. And then I start feeling like you're trying to drive me towards the brink of insanity with your nonsense..."

"...and I feel like you're trying to keep me too restrained and not let me have fun!" Pinkie added.

"Everything would be different, and the effect we have on each other would start to get way too much!" Twilight finished.

"I think I see. And for most of the others, it's the same... but what about Rainbow Dash and Applejack? They're pretty similar."

"Yeah, but their similarity is competitiveness. They'd drive each other up the wall!"

"I guess you're right. Still, it's not like those ponies are doing any harm. They're not forcing us to get together with each other, only speculating."

Twilight shrugged. "I suppose. I'm not going to stop them. I can still be annoyed at them, though."

Pinkie Pie laughed. "Hey, want a Friendship Pack for the road?"

"What's that?"

She pulled out a box of cupcakes. "One of each of our cupcakes! Lemon and strawberry for Fluttershy, vanilla and blackberry for Rarity, apple (what else?) for Applejack, and you already know the others!"

Twilight passed her a few bits. "Sounds delicious."

Author's Note

I try to avoid turning my characters into a soapbox, but this is something that really bugs me, and I wanted to mention it. This also went on quite the tangent, but the original idea was from Viper Pit.
Takes place in an alternate world where EQG never happened, thus Twilight still considers humans mythical.

The Mane Six Explain: Foal Names

"Well, if Ah had foals Ah'd call one Bright Buttercup for mah parents, and one Apple Cider, and one Apple Pie."

"Fillies or colts?" Twilight asked.

"Don't matter. They'd be the same names either way. Well, I s'pose Bright Buttercup should be a filly."

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Pfft, you're an Apple! Are you really telling us you're only having three kids?"

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity scolded.

Applejack shrugged. "Well, Ah ain't denying we have a pretty big family, but each of us only has a few kids most o' the time. It's just that there's so many of us that a few kids each generation grows mighty big in a hurry."

"Eh, fair. Rarity?"

"Well, it really depends on their coloring, darling. But I think I'd name them for gemstones. A white foal would be named Diamond, a green one Emerald, and so on."

Applejack snorted. "Why am I not surprised?"

"You're naming your foals Apple Pie and Apple Cider, darling. You're hardly one to talk."

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down. "My turn! My turn!"

"Go for it," Rainbow encouraged.

"Okay, so first I'm gonna have a white-and-pink filly named Cupcake. Then when she's about three I'm gonna have twins, a pink colt and a yellow filly, and I'll name them Cheesecake and Tomato Sandwich, and then I'll have one more and he'll be a brown colt and I'll call him Chocolate Pie!"

"You seem... awfully sure about that, Darling," Rarity said hesitantly. "And why is one of them named Sandwich?"

"OhheyIthinkit'sFluttershy'sturnnow!" Pinkie blurted in a rush.

"Oh, um..." she played with her hair. "I haven't thought about it much, but I think if I had a filly I might name her Butterfly?"

"And a colt?" Rainbow insisted. "Come on, you have to say at least one of each!"

"Uh... maybe... Cloud? It's a good name for a pegasus, and stallions in my family usually have weather names..."

Rainbow shrugged. "Good enough. Now, my turn! I'm gonna name my first kid Adventure Dash, because they're going to be just as awesome and adventurous as me!"

"And if you have more?" Twilight prodded.

"Speedy and Awesome."

"For the same reason, I suppose. And wouldn't it be strange to have a foal named Speedy Dash?"

"Hmm... Maybe Speedy will take my husband's last name. Whoever that'll be."

"Speedy Pants! I like it!" Pinkie cheered.

"Huh? What made you think that would be his last name?" Rainbow Dash colored slightly, but tried to hide it.

Twilight noticed this awkwardness and moved on. "I guess it's my turn? Well, I haven't thought about it much, but I think I'd go for something involving sparkles. Maybe Dusk Twinkle?"

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "If that's your naming scheme then Starlight is your foal."

"Actually, it turned out we were distant cousins! Shouldn't have surprised me, with our similar names and colorings. Apparently it's a family tradition from way back when we were the Flicker clan. It eventually split into a variety of smaller families: the Sparkles, the Glimmers, the Shimmers-"

"Shimmers?"

"Yeah, Sunset's also a relative. Even more distant than Starlight, though--as far as I can tell, we aren't related any closer than the Flickers, and that was a pre-unification clan!"

Rainbow groaned. "Can we skip the egghead stuff, please?"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fiiine. A lot of it will depend on who I marry and what coloring they give our children, but for now I'll say Dusk Twinkle and Bright Spark. Dusk for a filly, Bright for a colt."

Rarity beamed. "Well, that was a fascinating exercise. I'm glad you suggested it, Rainbow. I think I've learned some things about you." She looked at Rainbow and Pinkie. "Particularly you two..."

Author's Note

Requested by Viper Pit.

~~I swear this isn't a shipfic but they do bleed through from time to time~~

I've written quite a lot today--a new story and an update to an existing one. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you're avoiding studying for midterms.

Modern Art

Twilight, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy trotted eagerly through a tall pair of doors. Rarity was so excited, she actually started hopping up and down like Pinkie Pie. "I can't believe I've never had a chance to go here, all the times I've been to Manehatten!"

Twilight, nose in a map of the museum, nodded. "You've been saying that for the entire way here."

"I mean, this is only the biggest exhibition of modern art in all Equestria! It's sure to inspire me like nothing before!"

"You've been saying that too."

"It's just a shame Rainbow and Applejack didn't come. I suppose it's not really down their alley, but still..."

"And that."

Rarity snorted. "Twilight, I will do all the exposition I want, thank you very much, so stop complaining."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Fine. Where do we want to start? Mondrian? Pollock? Picasso?"

"Ooh, let's go to Pollock!" Rarity squealed. "I love his designs!

Twilight checked the map. "This way," she said, pointing a hoof. As they trotted, she said, "It's interesting that you mention his 'designs'. From what I've heard, he didn't design anything at all. It was a completely random process of splattering paint on canvas."

Rarity tossed her mane. "Exactly! It was such a bold move, separating the artwork from all deliberate form! It frees the subconscious to express itself. Pollock believed there was great truth to be found in the subconscious, and he tried to let it out through his art."

They entered the exhibit. "I don't know," Twilight said, glancing around the room. "Call me crazy, but I don't see any great truth here."

Rarity snorted. "Well, to the casual observer, perhaps there is none. It takes a careful eye to discern it."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's just nonsense and complete randomness."

The two turned to Pinkie. She looked back at them. "What?"

"Well, it's just that this is usually where you would jump in and spout something neither of us really understands, but still somehow clears up the issue."

Pinkie waved a hoof. "No no no, this is a very nuanced topic! I can't just simplify it down to basic points! There are a lot of good points on both sides. I'm going to sit back and let you two handle this one, but I'll keep it from getting nasty. Sound good?"

"A debate?" Twilight grinned. "I'm in."

Rarity nodded. "Very well, then. How do we go about this?"

"We start by making our claims very clear, so we know exactly what we're debating about. I think Pollock paintings are overrated because they're just random splatters with no real meaning."

Rarity tossed her mane. "And I think they're saying something very profound about us as ponies."

"Well, then the next step seems pretty clear, right?" Pinkie asked.

Rarity shook her head, but Twilight nodded and said, "I think they have no meaning, Rarity thinks they have a meaning. So we have to ask one question..." A grin rose on her face, almost a smirk. "What is their meaning, Rarity?"

"I just said, they say something very profound about us as ponies."

"But what do they say?" Twilight pressed.

"They- um-"

"You said Pollock believed he could discover truth through unleashing his unconscious mind in these paintings. What truth, Rarity, did he ever discover? What did these paintings say?"

Rarity backed away. "Well... I..."

Twilight kept moving closer, like a predator stalking its prey. "Well? What is it? What do they mean?"

Fluttershy, quiet up until now, suddenly snapped, "Twilight!"

Twilight turned. "Yeah?"

Wordlessly, Fluttershy pointed to Rarity, and Twilight realized how far she'd gone. Rarity was backed into a corner, curled up tight. Twilight winced. "I'm sorry, Rarity, I guess I got a little carried away."

Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. "A little?"

Twilight sighed. "A lot." She stepped closer to Rarity and offered her hoof. "If I'm honest, this kind of art has always been my pet peeve. It just seems really meaningless, but... if you think there's something of value there... you should be able to enjoy it without me complaining."

Rarity took her hoof. Twilight pulled her up and continued. "Different ponies have different interpretations of things, even different interpretations than the creator of that thing. I was so surprised at your opinion that I wasn't thinking, but you have the right to believe what you want, especially if it brings you joy."

Rarity's eyes widened. "Do you know, I think that might be it! I don't like them because of any deep meaning, but just because I like the lines and colors. They're aesthetically appealing, and they make me happy."

Pinkie Pie grinned and bounced up and down. "There you go, then! That's the answer to the debate!"

"Huh?" Twilight and Rarity asked in unison.

"The answer to the debate is that it's okay to disagree, and that art doesn't have to have a deep meaning in order for ponies to enjoy it."

Twilight nodded. "I think we can agree on that."

"Definitely, darling."

"Great!" Pinkie Pie picked up Twilight's map and glanced at it. "Now who wants to check out this exhibit of 'shock art'?"

Twilight and Rarity looked at each other. "...I think we'll pass."

Author's Note

Inspired by my art history lesson. It got me thinking, which is by far the easiest way to get me writing. I'll admit that, when I started this, I actually didn't know how it was going to turn out.

I chose not to make horse puns out of the names of artists, first because I didn't want to bother, and second because I don't think that historical-figures-with-horse-names thing has ever actually happened in the show. It happened with cities, sure, but that's not the same thing. If anybody can think of an example I'm missing, let me know! Otherwise, that trend is nothing but fanon and thus I am not bound by it.

Possibilities of The Mirror Portal

The doorbell to Sugarcube Corner jingled, and a stallion walked in. He was unfamiliar to most ponies in the building; he'd visited town once before, but only for a day or two. His name was Obsessive Compulsive.

Pinkie jumped up when she heard the bell. "OC! It's good to see you again!"

He smiled. "It's nice to see you too, Pinkie. I was heading to Princess Twilight's castle on my most recent investigation, but I couldn't resist stopping by to say hello... and get a snack."

"Of course! What can I get for you?"

"I've heard you like to experiment. I'll take whatever you've been working on."

Pinkie beamed. "That's great! I'm really excited about this one. I coated a cupcake liner in chocolate and let it dry, and then I had a cupcake liner made of chocolate! Kinda like a bread bowl, but made of chocolate and for cupcakes! I've got a batch of cupcakes using the chocolate liner in the oven right now, and they should be out in just a few minutes! Just enough time for us to catch up."

"Wait, did you say they're in-"

"So, what's bothering you this time?"

He was sure she knew what she was doing, so he shrugged and moved on. "I'm just curious about this 'mirror portal' I've been hearing about. Trashy newspapers keep insisting she has a secret portal that takes her to other worlds. I want to find out if that's true or not, and if it's true, how it works. This could be a huge breakthrough! Nopony's been able to figure out dimensional transport since Starswirl the Bearded, and he sure wasn't leaving any notes. I tried to ask him, but he refused to see me! I still don't even know how he was returned to present day!"

Pinkie sighed. "He can be a bit of a grump. I'll see what I can do to get him to talk to you. As for your other question, though, yes!"

"Yes, what?" he asked, having lost track of the conversation.

"Yes, she does have a mirror portal! It only goes to one world, though."

"Well, that's a bit of a disappointment. Do you know if there's any way it could be changed to go to other worlds?"

"Well, a while back there was another one that went to a different world, so probably more could be made. Funny you mention Starswirl, actually! He made both portals!"

He sat up straighter. "Oh, that's nice."

"What is?"

"Well, it just fits so nicely and makes so much sense! My cutie mark is in finding out how things fit and make sense, so hearing that is incredibly satisfying."

"Gotcha! Anyway, sometimes she powers the portal with a magic book that connects to another magic book on the other side of the portal, so maybe if somepony wanted to make another portal they could connect a magic book like that to a mirror and then it would open up to where the other book is! But I don't really know, that's more Twilight's thing."

"Uh, Pinkie?"

"I bet she could tell you all about how it works, with all the fancy magical words for it!"

"Pinkie?"

"While she's at it, she can tell you how we brought back the Pillars!"

"Pinkie!"

"What?"

"Why does it smell like burning chocolate?"

Pinkie gasped. "Uh oh. Be right back!" She darted into the kitchen and pulled a rack out of the oven. Even from a distance, OC could see the smoke coming off of them. Pinkie returned. "So, it turns out actually baking the cupcakes in chocolate wrappers wasn't a great idea. They melted, and now the cupcakes are stuck to the edges of the pan and chocolate is stuck on the bottom and the whole thing is a mess." She sighed and wilted a bit. "I guess chocolate wrappers are only for cooled cupcakes. Ooh! Or cold cupcakes! Like an ice cream cake, but a cupcake, and then with a chocolate wrapper! Wouldn't that be delicious?"

"It certainly would be," OC agreed.

"So... would you like a normal cupcake instead?"

"Yes, please."

Author's Note

Requested by Viper Pit

Initiate shameless plug
I'm planning to do a crossover story with Infinity War titled Elements of Infinity. Though I haven't seen the movie yet, I have a few things planned out. One of them is that the ponies will use a mirror portal to get to earth, using a magic book, just like Pinkie mentions here. If you want to see that story when it comes out, follow me! It'll probably be the next thing I write (unless I finish my third Familiars story first).
Shameless plug complete

The Rule of Ten

Twilight trotted into Sugarcube Corner, looking extremely frustrated. Pinkie Pie popped up right next to her. "Hey Twi! What's got you down?"

Twilight shrugged. "Just hit a bit of a rough spot in a text I was working on. I can't get through it no matter what do, so I decided to take a break."

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like you at all."

"I was recently reading some new neuroscience research." Seeing Pinkie's blank expression, she added, "Neuroscience is the study of how the brain works."

Pinkie waved it off. "Well, pfft. I knew that. Obviously."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "Sure. Anyway, they said that ponies actually learn much better when they take breaks every once in a while. It gives the background functions of the brain time to work on the problem, and sometimes they can solve it. It's really neat, actually! I figured I would try it out. So, I'd like a chocolate milkshake, please. The best thing for relaxation, I've found." She levitated two bits to Pinkie.

Pinkie placed them in her hair. "Coming right up!" She reached one arm out impossibly long, over to the milkshake machine, while still standing in front of Twilight. "Y'know, the other thing that helps you work out complex problems is talking about them with a friend! Even if that friend doesn't understand the issue, sometimes just explaining the problem is enough to make it click!"

"How did you know that?" Twilight asked, baffled.

Pinkie shrugged. "Solving problems makes you happy, so I wrote down all the ways I can help you solve problems and put them in your folder!" Her hoof returned, holding the full milkshake.

Twilight shrugged and sat down, absently sipping at the milkshake. "I don't think you can help with this, but I guess it's worth a shot. See, I came across the term 'the rule of ten' while I was reading an old scroll, and it seemed like it was referencing something expected to be widely known at the time. I've heard of the rule of three, that makes sense, but I've never heard anything about a rule of ten! I looked through my entire library, all the oldest references--the ones from around that time period--but I couldn't find anything! I might have to go all the way to the Canterlot archives to look it up."

"Oh, there's no need for that. I know what it is!"

"You what? How?"

Pinkie rolled her eyes. "It's like, Comedy 101!"

"I don't think that's-"

"See, when you repeat a running gag three times, that's the rule of three. After three, it's not very funny anymore. But then if you keep going and you keep repeating the joke and you do it a whole ten times then suddenly BAM! It's funny again!"

Twilight blinked several times. "Huh?"

Pinkie shrugged. "I think it's because everypony thinks 'No way, they're still doing that?' and then the more you repeat it, the funnier it gets, because the joke is still going and it just gets ridiculous."

Twilight finished the last of her milkshake and handed it to Pinkie. "Well, thanks, but this is an ancient Southern Equestrian scroll on magic and arcana that's so old I have to translate it out of the hieroglyphics, so I don't think it's talking about comedy. I guess I learned something new, though."

Pinkie stretched her arm out again, dropping Twilight's dirty glass into the sink. "No problem! I hope you figure it out!"

"Thanks, Pinkie." She stood, stretched, and trotted out of the Corner, back towards the castle. As her legs moved, she allowed her mind to wander.

Back to work, I guess. Why do hieroglyphics have to be so hard to translate, anyway? I mean, the glyph for "magic" and the glyph for "laughter" are, for reasons that escape me, so close to each other that I kept misinterpreting the "magic" glyph as "laughter"! It might as well actually be a scroll on comedy, for all I can-

Wait.

No, no way. That can't be right.

Can it?

It's Southern Equestrian, the same place Somnambula was from, and it's all about her magical techniques to raise ponies' spirits. She was the predecessor to the Element of Laughter, and I couldn't see any magical runes or any sign of actual spells in the scroll, none of the stuff you'd expect from a text on arcana...

She broke into a gallop. I don't believe it! Pinkie Pie was actually right!

She'd have to share the scroll with Pinkie, once it was fully translated. Maybe they could work out a few lesson plans based on it! With that thought to look forward to, she eschewed even galloping and teleported straight into the library. She couldn't wait to get back to work.

Author's Note

This might be the first time I've used that much of an internal monologue. Is it too stilted? It feels a little awkward to me, but as we all know, a writer is their own worst critic.

Spicy Rainbows

Author's Note

Takes place just after the episode Sonic Rainboom. Merry Christmas, VShuffler42, and thanks for the suggestion (and for your dedicated comments).

Spicy Rainbows

"Hey, Rarity! Something on your mind?"

Rarity smiled as she trotted down the street. "Hello, Pinkie. You always seem to know."

"Well, duh!" Pinkie bounced along, matching Rarity's pace. "That's my job!"

"I thought you were a baker."

"Well, sure, but that's only part of it! I keep everypony in Ponyville happy, and that means I've got to know what they're feeling first!"

"Everypony in Ponyville?" Rarity's eyes widened. "That must be quite a tall order."

"Yupperooni! But I do my best. Now, what's eating you?"

Rarity shrugged. "It's nothing much, really. I was just thinking about you eating the rainbow in Cloudsdale a few days ago."

"Ooh! That was pretty neat, huh? My face turned all these crazy colors like 'woah!' 'ah!' 'argh!' and I was all 'it's so spicy!' and Rainbow Dash was all 'they're not for drinking, silly!' That was pretty neat, huh? I mean, it was awful in the moment, but funny to look back on!"

"Well, yes, but Pinkie, your tolerance for spice is legendary in Ponyville. Second to none. And so I've been wondering ever since... what could possibly be in rainbows that makes them too spicy even for you?"

"Well, you see..." Pinkie's voice took on an ominous tone. "Have you ever wondered what happens to foals that can't fly? You never see any adult pegasi who can't fly, have you?"

"They... learn to fly?" Rarity suggested.

Pinkie shook her head. "Rainbows can only be made through pegasus magic. Where do you think they get that pegasus magic?"

Rarity's eyes widened, and her steps faltered. "You mean-"

A smile bounced up on Pinkie Pie's face. "Nah! I'm messing with you! They're actually technically a waste product. Why do you think they dump them all over the place like waterfalls? They don't do anything but look pretty!"

"Wait, do you mean waste as in-"

Pinkie sighed and shook her head. "No, Rarity. Rainbows are not made from any actual parts of a pegasus."

Rarity sighed with relief. "Okay. Keep going."

"Well, Rainbow tried to explain how the rainbows are made, but then she didn't do a good job, so I tried to get Twilight to explain and that just made my head spin, but I'll do my best!" Pinkie took a deep breath and began speaking very rapidly. "Okay so pegasi use their magic to take water and make it more like solid or air or something not really sure but that's how they make clouds but water reflects light and makes it into a rainbow so the pegasi accidentally make the light solid or something I don't really get it but making clouds accidentally creates rainbows too and they were like 'well we'd better use this for something' so they started using it for a decoration."

"Slow down, darling. I understood perhaps two words of that entire sentence."

"Pegasi make water more solid to make clouds. But water reflects light and turns it into a rainbow. So the pegasus magic accidentally turns the rainbows more solid too. So that's why ponies can't drink rainbows, see, because it's basically light and so there's a bunch of energy or something and our fragile little brains can't even really understand what light tastes like so we just perceive it as spicy and so we learn not to do it because ponies aren't really supposed to drink light in the first place, see?"

Rarity shook her head as if trying to clear it of cobwebs. "...yes, I think I understand. Somewhat."

"That's good! Because I don't really understand! So it's nice that you understand even though I don't understand!"

Pinkie Pie circled Rarity once, then bounced away again. "Wait, you don't even understand?" Rarity asked, but Pinkie was long gone. Rarity shrugged. Perhaps she had better pay a visit to Twilight as well, just to make sure she'd gotten everything straight. With Pinkie Pie, one never knew.