Chapters It is quite surprising how easy it is to lose track of time when your mind is occupied with something that is just mildly interesting. Something as simple as reading a book, imagining different stories in your mind. Going over different conversations you`ve had with friends or strangers, wondering what you could have said differently. How you could have worded something you said in another way.
How would something as simple as changing how you worded a sentence affect you relationship with the person you were talking to at the time.
Ethan has had many conversations he would like to have a second chance at having, just so he could have said what was on his mind, so he could have told how he felt about something rather than not saying anything at all. Yet, here he was, stuck in reality where his past mistakes still haunt him, and in an attempt to remedy said mistakes. Well, that would involve hurting somepony he loved or used to love. He wasn’t quite sure what he felt anymore.
Once everything is in hindsight, it all seems so clear in how he could have avoided this. But then again, he didn’t think SHE, of all ponies would do something so irrational against him.
The clopping of hooves approaching Ethan drove away his daydreaming. It was that time again. Time to have another talk. Another fight.
The torch in the hallway was always lit under the orders of the princess. The light reflected off of the damp walls showing every brick in detail. Ethan had spent a lot of time here, counting bricks, wondering which one was closest to the outside. Which one would allow him to escape. Without tools, it was a fool’s errand trying to get through the solid stone walls. He had tried clawing his way through the material holding the brick together, but it had only left him with bloodied hands, and sore arms.
His hands was healed, yet again under the order from the princess. She still cared about Ethan, even after what he tried to do.
Even if he were to get through the wall, a unicorn guardpony still patrolled close by where Ethan was, who would no doubt overpower Ethan with magic and stop his already futile attempts of escape.
The Hooves were close, Ethan used to hold his breath in anticipation, wondering just what it was the princess wanted every time she came down here. But after many visits, it proved to just be she wanted to talk. Those talks usually ended on sour notes. Ethan was left feeling as if he didn’t get through to her, and vice versa.
The sound of hooves stopped.
And there she was in all her radiance. Princess Celestia. Her pristine white coat hadn`t aged a day in a thousand years. Ethan remembered how she would always approach him with that iconic smile of hers. The smile that promised that no harm would ever befall anypony or anyone under her watch. That motherly energy she would spread to all who stood close to her. Though that energy was never motherly to Ethan, it was something different, something the two had shared once. Though not anymore, at least not from both parties anyway.
Celestia sat down with a tired sigh, the smile Ethan had thought of, absent from her perfect face. It wasn`t anything new. Celestia always sighed when she sat down close to Ethan while they were going to have their one on one chat.
Celestia couldnt be bothered to hold back how she felt in front of Ethan. Ethan was the only one she actually let her guard down for. Had it been anypony else then she wouldve tried to make an effort to seem like she forgave the pony in from of her when it was another prisoner. But it wasnt a pony in front of her, it was her human friend, locked in a cage in the dungeons beneath Canterlot. And it wasnt her that needed to forgive him, it was her that needed forgiveness.
The pair sat in silence Celestia looking down on the ground while Ethan looked directly at her. They both listened to the flame from the torch, it crackled slightly as it slowly burned the wooden stick keeping it aflame. It needed to be changed soon.
“So… how has your day been?” Celestia started. She broke her gaze at the ground to try and get some eye contact with Ethan.
This question was just about always how she would start their conversations, at first it had amused Ethan when he noticed the pattern, but at this point it was just tedious hearing the same question over and over, the answer always being the same.
“We both know how my day has been. Counting the same 453 bricks in my little safe heaven isn`t really anything new, though it did get through the book you gave me.” Lazily waving the book in question.
Celestia brightened slightly. At least she had given him something to alleviate his boredom.
“And what did you think of the book?”
“It was okay, a bit dryly written, but the story was okay.”
“That’s good.” Celestia ended. Not really knowing where to take the conversation. She had gone through pretty much every topic she wanted to go through with Ethan a long time ago. Coming down here was just her hoping their relationship would improve. That maybe at some point he would say those three magical words that would wipe all her problems away. The forgiveness she so desperately needed.
“How long has it been?”
“hmm?” Celestia hummed, not wanting to misinterpret the question.
“Since I first got here.”
“Oh… a… a long time. Far too long.” Celestia stated with regret in her voice.
“hmph.” Ethan shrugged casually. “I don’t get you.”
“What do you mean Ethan?”
“All of this, you know you are not winning any cookie points from me by keeping me locked here, yet you come down every single day trying to hold a conversation with me. I know what you want, I wish I could give it to you, but…” Ethan gave sigh, rubbing his face in frustration.
“But you can’t. Why? Why can`t you find it within you to forgive me?”
“You know why.” Ethan said not wanting to repeat the same explanation yet again.
“I do… And you know I would take it back if I could…”
“Well, that’s the thing now isn’t it? I’m not sure you would.”
“I…” Celestia had a pause. She was reflecting, and despite everything that had happened, that was currently going on, she wouldn’t. Ethan was right, she wouldn’t take it back if she could. She realized she would’ve done it again, even in hindsight of all it would lead to.
“I… No, I guess I wouldn’t, despite everything that is going on, despite how much you hate me, I wouldn’t take it back. It`s because I want to believe that I can fix it and make you happy again, make it up to you somehow. Maybe it’s wishful thinking, but… I’ll try, why can’t you at least try to?”
“I dont hate you… at least not in the sense that you think I do. I hate what you did to me, and how much you hurt me. Im not sure I can ever truly ever trust you again.” Dodging the question of why he didn`t want to try.
Celestia, took a deep breath, trying to keep her composure. Why did Ethan have to be difficult.
“Damn it, Tartarus DAMN YOU! WHY CAN`T YOU JUST FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I DID!”
After Celestias outburst Ethans voice quickly grew to her level.
“HOW MANY OTHERS HAVE YOU DONE THIS TO?! HUH! HOW MANY PONIES, GRIFFONS WHATEVER ARE OUT THERE DEALING WITH WHAT I AM DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OF YOU!”
Celestia was shook, Ethan had always been calm, but she must have really been pushing the wrong buttons to get him so worked up. Not only that, but she hadn’t thought of the others in many, many years.
Celestias voice was but a whisper at this point. “Four, Five if I include you.”
“Hmph. And how many more after me? Ten years from now. Fuck it forty years from now. How many more after me are going to have to go through this?”
“Nopony. I made a promise that you would be the last after I saw how you reacted, what you were willing to go through just so you could… so you could try and kill me. I’m done making enemies with the ponies and people I love.”
The Silence that was left after Celestias admission was deafening. Celestia wanted to leave, she wasn`t sure any of them were in the mood to talk today. With how she got fired up, and how Ethan also had a short fuse.
“Ill come by tomorrow.” Celestia hadnt noticed she had stood up during their shouting match. She quickly recovered however and began slowly walking in the direction in which she had come from.
“I`ll come with a new book for you tomorrow.”
“I`ll be here.”
That was the last words Ethan would say for that day. He always said that, even back when they were something more.
But Celestia didn’t. She thought she knew best at the time. It’s just now after everything that has happened she realized that was just her excuse to do what she did. She used the same excuse four times before even, and they all backfired, just like now. It was her selfish nature that has brought her and Ethan so much pain.
Author's Note
Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment down below, it is greatly appreciated.
“Hello Ethan.”
Ethan had been sleeping, he was awoken by Celestia greeting him.
“How long have you been there?”
“Just a few minutes. I was considered leaving you be but, even though it might not seem like it, I want to talk to you. I like talking to you.”
Ethan didnt bother answering. For him there was nothing to be said that hadnt been said already. She knew what he wanted, and he knew what she wanted, yet none of them could really fulfill the others wish.
The silence Celestia received wasn`t lost on her, deep down she thought this was a battle she couldn’t win. Letting Ethan out would only leave her vulnerable to him trying to kill her again, yet keeping him locked up only made him more reluctant to really give in to her wish with every day that went by. She was planning on remedying that very soon. Or so she hoped.
“I brought you a new book.” She said, wanting to think of something else.
Ethan turned his head to look at Celestia. Under her left wing, sure enough was a book. He couldn`t make out the title. He nodded and sat up from his bed to get closer to the bars dividing the two from ever truly interacting with each other.
Celestia grabbed the book under her wing with her magic and levitated it to Ethan.
Ethan read out the title. “Put on Ice… what`s this book about?”
“It is about a pony who has a lot of projects she need to get done, but as a deadline closes in she needs to let go of some of her most treasured projects as she simply doesn’t have enough time to finish all of them. She needs to choose what’s most important to her.”
“And that resonated with you?” Ethan asked Celestia.
“If there is anything I have, it is time. It was an experience for me to put myself in the shoes of a pony who didn`t really have the time she wished for.” Celestia explained. “When you have all the time you could ask for, why bother with stressing over something that will be forgotten in a few hundred years.”
“That isn`t really a healthy train of thought Celly.” Ethan said.
“I know, but when you have to deal with an angry minotaur as a leader that you know you cant really reason with, Id rather just let him be, and wait for the next leader to come along whom I can potentially actually deal with in a socialized manner.”
“So you choose to ignore a potential problem so it can solve itself rather than actually try to fix it.”
“I`m trying to fix the problem between us am I not?”
“Not really.”
Celestia took a moment to think before coming with an answer. “Maybe not in the way you want, but I am, Truly trying to get to a solution that benefits us both. I know it doesn`t look like it from where you are sitting, but please just trust me on this.”
Ethan did a chuckle. “Such sweet whispers. If only they hadn’t lost meaning when they pass by iron bars keeping one locked in. Besides, what did we talk about yesterday Celly. Cause I remember I told you I wasn`t sure I could trust you again.”
The conversation always converged to this topic. Celestia really didn`t want to talk about this right now.
“Please, Ethan can we just talk about something else for a change. I don`t want to leave here feeling like I always feel.”
Ethan was now conflicted. One part of him wanted to hurt Celestia, to get some sort of petty revenge. Maybe antagonizing her would get her to try and fix his problem his way. But the part that still loved her, it wanted to do as she wanted. He was tired of always being in a sour mood whenever she left. Maybe just once they could end their conversations on a decent note. Just once.
Ethan decided to pretend like they never got into the topic in the first place and decided to get the conversation going again.
“So, what did the critics think of the book then?”
Celestia visually brightened by Ethans indirect agreement to her wish.
“Well, they thought it was a bit slow, but that it was a well written character study of a pony who wanted to achieve greatness, but had to make difficult choices along the way.”
“I remember I had to make a difficult choice once.” Ethan said. “Remember the day I for the first time came into the throne room.”
Celestia was smiling. The memory of when Ethan had asked her out.
“And I said -I wonder, with just a little determination do you think I could be capable of moving you sun-.”
“That was such a bad pickup line.” Celestia giggled to herself. “Why’d you have to do it during day court anyway?”
“I wasnt sure how else I was supposed to reach you. In hindsight I couldve asked Spike if he could send you a letter, but then again, that would`ve been a little to… impersonal I guess, and I wouldn’t have been able to see how you reacted to my pickup line.”
“If you could move my sun…” Celestia giggled, reciting what Ethan had said that day.
“Did you know what I meant at the time?” Ethan asked.
“Yes, you weren’t really subtle referencing my cutie mark, though I must say, you were quite bold with your approach in trying to woo me.”
“Yeah well, I figured it was all or nothing and I only had one shot, so why not go all in. The worst that could’ve happened was that you would have said no.”
“Psh… I didn`t have the heart to say no. The way you presented yourself, and the way you made my guards react. I would have accepted again just to see their reactions one more time.”
Ethan grinned along with Celestia. But at the mention of Spike just now made him wonder…
“How is Spike and Twilight by the by? Still traveling around, saving the world?”
Celestia quickly caught up to where Ethan wanted the conversation to go.
“I cant really say, after I let her unfold her wing so to say I havent really been keeping as much in contact as I probably should.” Celestia said, her mood still quite happy, but with a hint of regret for not keeping as much contact with her other friend as much as she wanted.
“That so. So who keeps you company besides me then?” Ethen queried.
Celestias good mood was in the process of dropping. She hadnt really been talking to anypony besides Ethan. Not truly sat down and talked in the way he was implying anyway. Luna was there, but she wasnt really a good conversation partner as of late for the same reason Ethan had been troublesome. Luna had her opinions on the feud Ethan and Celestia was having, though she was on Celestias side on the matter. Celestia figured being in an echo chamber wouldn`t really do anypony any good. And seeing as Ethan was all Celestia could think about as of late, they would always end up on the topic where they would discuss how to approach Ethan in the end.
“Nopony honestly. But that doesn’t bother me.” Celestia said, getting back to the conversation.
“So, you just do your daily chores, come see me, then go to bed?” Ethan questioned, wondering if that truly was the life Celestia was leading at the moment.
“Close, but I tend to do some studies before I go to sleep.”
“Studies? What kind?”
“Psychology. I consider myself a master at reading ponies, I am not quite as sure of myself on the other species however I.e Minotaurs, Griffons and so on.”
Ethan already knew that her studies weren’t a coincidence. She clearly is looking into the subject because of him. He figured he would just play it cool and see what he could extract of information.
“So you are trying to learn how to read others essentially.”
“Yes, that amongst other things.”
“Those other things wouldn`t happen to involve a certain human would it?”
“That is up for debate whether the information I acquired would be useful for said human.”
“So it is about me!” Ethan exclaimed.
“I never said that.” Celestia stated in a playful manner.
“But you didnt say it wasnt!”
“I’ll let you interpret what I said. What you do with said interpretation has nothing to do with me, and I don`t want to know anything about it” She finished with a satisfied grin.
“I… you… Oh my god.” Ethan let out an exasperated groan. She won that one. He could have pushed harder, but like they agreed on, he wanted this little meeting to end on a happy note, so he couldn`t be bothered to sour the mood by digging deeper. He got what he wanted though. Celestia is clearly trying to look for methods to win over the human in their ongoing argument that was currently put on ice.
Celestia wasnt sure whether Ethans exasperation came from that he knew what she was doing, or if it was that he lost their little playful banter. Regardless, she figured they could talk more tomorrow. It was yet another short session with Ethan. She didnt really want to end it now, now that they finally got to have a somewhat normal conversation. She had for once completely forgotten the metal bars dividing them.
But she needed to prepare some things for Ethans surprise, and she would rather have it done now instead of later. So she needed to end it here no matter how much she`d rather it go on.
“Ethan?”
Ethan lifted his face off of his hands to look at Celestia.
“I have to go. I need to prepare some things.”
“Prepare what?”
Celestia grew a caring smile. “A surprise. For you.”
Ethan knew that he meant the world to her, but he couldnt really trust her. Or he didnt want to. He wasn`t quite sure of the answer himself, but he would rather the thing Celestia was talking about not be a surprise.
“I don`t really like surprises Celly.”
Celestias smile still lingered, she wasnt fazed by Ethans reluctance as she figured this wasnt really anything that he would get mad about.
“Well, youre just going to have to deal with it being a surprise, because I’m not spoiling it. Regardless, I have to go. Ill see you tomorrow Ethan.”
“Yup. I`ll be here. Like always.”
As Celestia left Ethan had just one question he wanted to ask before she left.
“Hey! When can I expect this surprise!?” He shouted after Celestia who was now further down the hallway leading out form the dungeons.
“When it`s ready!” Celestias voice echoed back.
That was semi successful conversation. Ethan mused to himself. But what is that bloody surprise she is planning. What are you up to Celly?
Bah! Doesn’t matter. Well, it does, but it wasn`t like Ethan had any say in what was going on anymore. Not after he tried to kill Celestia.
Ethan found it strange how she was the one wanting forgiveness. Hed think Celestia would at least hold some grudge against him for even thinking of doing what he tried to do regarding his murder attempt. But it doesnt seem like she even want to acknowledge it ever happened. I guess in when it comes down to it Celestia is just a better person than Ethan is. Though that doesn’t excuse what she did to him.
Ethan felt himself displeased that he managed to worsen the mood when he just talked and had a good time with Celestia. He figured doing something else would make him forget the foul mood he was in. So he started reading the new book he just got. Put on ice…
“Phew, okayokay, OOhh-kay. You can do this.” Ethan stood outside the gold trimmed double doors in Canterlot Castle. He had managed to get a spot in the day court. Everything around him was way to rich for his blood. The painted glass windows, the decorative banners showcasing both Luna and Celestias cutie marks. He hadn`t realized before just now, he was going to try and get a date with royalty. Even back on his home world he could never imagine himself going for the royal bloodline in the quest for love. Yet here he was.
“God damn it, this is fucking stupid.” Ethan muttered to himself, not wanting to be too loud. His hands were shaking. “Come on, get a grip.” That was the last he said before the door opened in front of him, signaling that it was his turn to approach the mare of the sun.
All of Ethans nervousness quickly got hidden away, though it was still there imbedded in his brain. He knew what he was going to do, and the mare in front of him had no idea what kind of shit show he was about to start.
As he approached Princess Celestia, he got some second thought. Why do you have to be so over the top with you pickup lines, this one is so bad and dry all of the water in the entire country would pull away. Yet Ethan decided he didn`t want to come up with a new one on the spot, as it would surely be much worse than the one he spent the total of five minutes thinking up.
“Haiya Princess!” Ethan approached with an enthusiastic wave.
“I come before you today, because I want your opinion on something. I have been thinking about it for a long time, and I want your genuine opinion on this.” Ethan took a moment to warm up his voice, knowing he was going to do something he would regret.
“Do you think, with a little determination from my side, I could be capable of moving your sun.” Ethan said while waggling his eyebrows suggestively. On the outside, Ethan looked committed and shameless with what he had just said, inside his head however he couldn`t believe those words just got produced by his vocal cords, he actually felt like dying would be a better option than looking at the shocked expression Celestia was currently giving him.
Thankfully for Ethan, she managed to compose herself and looked at her guards to see how they were doing. This elicited a giggle coming from the ruler sitting on the throne. The guards, usually stoic and always in control, had their mouth hang open. Its like their brains couldnt understand how or why someone like Ethan could ask their ruler a question which made no sense, and be dead serious while doing so.
Celestia assumed they got the reference. She wasnt really sure how to break it to Ethan that she wasnt interested if he was serious in his proposal, but she wanted to see how her guards reacted if she said yes.
“Why, I think that a pony as determined as you, who is willing to come here and ask me such a bold question could definitely be capable of such. Why don`t you come see me later, say two hours from now, and we will discuss this topic further.” Celestia was working hard to sound serious and not break out in laughter.
She looked at her guards. Yup. They gave the reaction she wished for. Celestia smiled satisfied, her work done, and nodded for the next guest to come in into the day court. Ethan left the room speechless.
That worked? Well, Ethan had the undeniable charm of being a guy who could woo the ladies whenever he wanted, but he usually put in more effort back at Earth. Did he even want this? He was sure she was going to say no, but now that she said yes, did he really want to take the step and date ponies?
Screw it, Ethan only had one life to live, and the princesses including Twilight said there was no way they could realistically ever find a way home for him. Might as well try and go all in on the whole dating ponies thing.
Now Ethan suddenly had a lot more to think about, where was he going to bring her? Did he have to bits to pay for any expensive places? Ethan thought about it for a bit and came to realize he indeed had the money to eat wherever he wanted.
“Okay, Two hours to find a place and be back here in time to talk to Celestia, I can do this.”
Ethan Immediately went out to scour the streets of Canterlot, trying to find a restaurant that the princess might like.
He found a winner after about thirty minutes of searching. It was a high class restaurant, but not so high you needed to order a table weeks before you would go to eat there type of restaurant.
He was back in the castle way before his deadline with Celestia, so he just needed to kill time while he waited.
And like Celestia promised, Two hours after they had made contact earlier that day she was walking out the doors looking for Ethan. He wasn`t hard to spot seeing as he was the only bipedal being there. She walked over to him with her motherly smile.
“Hello.”
“Hi.” Ethan said, internally shouting at himself for not having spent the time he waited on trying to come up with a way to ask her out in a way that would sound natural. Though, nothing about this was natural for Ethan. He was about to date a pony princess of all things, anything more ridiculous than that was hard to come by.
“Did you see the guards, their faces?” She whispered with a giggly voice, not wanting anypony else to hear what she was saying.
“Yeah, I did. Didn`t actually think you would say yes though.”
Celestia took a hoof to her chest with a fake hurt expression. “I would never say no in front of my guards, that would humiliate you.”
“Wait, You weren`t serious when you said yes?”
Celestia didnt want to hurt Ethan, but she barely knew him outside of that he was the human alien who had come and couldnt return home, even with her help. He was a nice change of pace though with how he talked to her like they were on the same level rather than the tiring worshipping she was accustomed to. What could one date hurt. She could just say she wasnt interested after it was all said and done. Besides, it would give her something to do that wasnt paperwork for once.
“I was serious, well, kind of. I`m assuming that what happened in the court room was just your bad attempt at a pickup line, and you actually want to take me out for a date, correct?”
Ethan was relieved that she understood his intentions.
“Yeah, I found this really nice place we could eat, I think you might like it.”
“Or, we could eat here!” Celestia chimed in with a chipper voice.
Ethan wasn’t sure if that was what he wanted, but this was their date, and the woman, or the mare is always the boss even though the boys are supposed to pretend like they are in charge.
“Or we could eat here, in the palace, if that makes you more comfortable. I mean it’s only a suggestion from me but, you know, whatever floats your boat I’m up!” Ethan said.
Celestia got that playful smirk again, knowing he just took credit for her suggestion. Even if she was going to let him down later, she definitely wanted to get to know Ethan more after this. Hopefully he would be okay with them just being friends.
Celestia was in her bed reading, or rather studying on minotaur psychology. She was wondering how she could apply some of the reading abilities from the book over to Ethan. Was that even an option? Ethan never mimicked minotaur behavior, yet he looked somewhat similar to them. Celestia closed the book, realizing that whatever was written in that book couldn’t really help her. Ethan was too specific of a case, and the book was too broad in how to approach somepony with the knowledge one would obtain from the book.
Celestia wasn’t sure on much regarding Ethan anymore. Those years he spent away from Celestia, it had changed him. After Celestia admitted to what she had done to him, he just… left. He was gone, and it wasn’t until many years later that she would see him again, only with an ancient dagger standing over her with one intention. To kill.
The dagger was said to be one of nine relics that could truly kill an alicorn. The relic’s origin has never been uncovered, and probably never would. How Ethan came about the relic he wouldn’t tell. He said that he just had heard tales, and decided that if that was the only thing that could kill Celestia, then he had to find it. It is what drove him at the time, it made the situation he was in seem simpler when he had a simple goal.
Celestias lip began to quiver. She remembered how Ethan had looked at her when he was about to kill her. It wasn’t a face of a man who had claimed his victory. It was a face of a man who was disgusted. He had later explained that it was directed somewhat at her, but also towards himself. He felt disgusted by what he was about to do, he felt like he was doing something worse than what Celestia had did to him. When he was to kill her, he would condemn an entire country to lose a leader whom the people had revered for a thousand years. He would be written down in the history books as a villain, even if they would get the story wrong seeing as they would never know the whole truth had he succeeded.
She remembered that just as he was about to go in for the kill, one of her guards came to the rescue, shooting Ethan with a paralyzing spell. That is when the worst feeling kicked in. Celestia knew what she had done to him, but seeing him in the state that he was. The despair Ethan was in, it was truly gruesome sight to behold for Celestia. She suddenly realized truly what she had done, and how much what she did was affecting Ethan. It was after he had tried to kill her, and she had seen his face that she had to acknowledge that, no matter how hard she tried to repent for her sins, she might be alone for the rest of her life.
Luna respected Celestia. They were equal, but it felt as Luna had some hidden layer of fear towards her. She was the older sibling of the two, and if they ever were to go against each other, they both knew Celestia was the stronger alicorn and would win. She was her sister, but Celestia wanted something more. Twilight, though getting better still acts as if Celestia is the superior of the two. That is not what Celestia wanted, but she wasn’t going to force Twilight into anything.
Ethan, along with the four others are the only ones whom truly fulfilled her wishes, but all of them left her. And Ethan only came back to try and revert what Celestia had done to him, and the others.
All of this guilt and hate combined should be enough to break anypony. But Celestia, she decided to ignore these facts, and instead decided to believe that Ethan could come around. That one day they might go back to what they used to be. That on that day, she could truly be happy with Ethan by her side. And if Ethan could forgive her, maybe the others could too.
…
There it was. Celestia thought sadly to herself. “That SHE could be happy.” Everything involved her happiness. Ethan wasn’t happy. From where she laid right now, with all her reflection, it seemed as if nothing could ever truly make Ethan happy again.
Are these the thought that goes through Ethan? The thought that he might never be truly happy again? No matter how much you try to rationalize the subject, there doesn’t seem to be an ending where everypony is happy.
Celestia tried to change her mindset, she couldn’t begin to think like Ethan. It would serve nopony any good. Time has a tendency to change things. Time can fix most problems. Maybe that is what Celestia needed to give Ethan? Time to think, to come up with some other form of purpose rather than trying to kill… than to do what his purpose is now.
Celestia was brought out from her thoughts by the knocking on her door. Celestia realized she had been crying, and needed to look proper. She quickly cast the first spell that came to mind that would hide what she had been doing. It was an illusion spell. It was the simplest to cast, and it did the job well enough.
Before Celestia answered the door she coughed a bit, warming up her voice. “Yes, come on in.”
The door opened revealing the brightly lit hall outside Celestias room, whom had the blinds closed and just a single light on by her bed where she had done her studying.
The maid stallion nervously took a few steps into Celestias room. Maids rarely if ever were nervous around the princesses. But they knew of the prisoner in the dungeons and how that was driving their princess to be a bit more emotional than usual. But at least the maid had the comfort of bringing good news to their ruler.
“Good morning princess.” The mare maid shot out her chest just a little to seem more business oriented. “A message from the construction team, the room you asked for. It has been refurbished after you instructions, now all that remains is you coming and confirming it is done after your tastes.”
Celestia smiled relieved at the little mare in front of her which in turn made the maid relieved as well. “Thank you my little pony, I’ll be straight down to check once I tidy myself up a bit. Thank you for bringing these news to me.” Celestia nodded, silently dismissing the maid, and letting her return to her other duties.
Celestia, quickly got up and into her bathroom to clean herself up. She couldn’t be bothered to keep up her illusion spell all day, so she fixed herself up and went out into the hall.
The room wasn’t far away from hers, just as planned. It would make it easier for her to access it once everything was in place.
From her bedroom it was just a measly two rooms to her right, making the trip very short and uneventful. Though, once outside the doors leading in to the room she noticed the runes carved into the door, and around it. They served a magical purpose, to keep outsiders out from entering without Celestias express permission. Though they weren’t active yet. They needed Celestias magic to properly work as intended. And Celestia was planning on casting a few incantations of her own as well.
She entered the room, and was greeted by the chief of the project. Work Force.
“Greetings princess!” Work Force beamed at Celestia. He was clearly happy with how the room had turned out.
This in turn made Celestia happy. Seeing one of her subjects being proud of something they were passionate about was always something that would brighten her day.
“Good morning to you to Work.” Celestia looked around the room. The walls were colored a very dark royal purple, with the floor tiles being made of marble like every other room in this castle.
“You really outdid yourself Work. It seems that with every project you just get better and better.”
Work beamed at the praise, from his princess ruler no less.
“Well, let me give you the tour. Everything is secured and bolted to the floor, like you asked, so pretty much everything you see is more or less immoveable. The things we couldn’t screw tight or bolt we cast an enchantment on, so only unicorn magic can move said objects. The Room has its very own bath, as well as a small kitchen area, though with no tools as if I recall you wanted to solve that yourself”
Work took a moment to recollect his thoughts.
“We also cast the runes on the door, and the doorframe like you asked. Alongside that we also made sure that the… uh… security measure was in place should the need arise.” Work Force finished.
Celestia was pleased, tough the reminder of the extra security measure reminded her of the harsh truth that still ached in the back of her mind. No matter how cozy this all seems, it still serves the same purpose as the cells in the dungeons. It just has a nice coat of paint covering the true purpose of the room.
“Thank you Work Force.” Celestia took a moment, wondering if she should admit what the room was about, but Work Force beat her to it.
“If I may ask Princess, but what do or who do you intend for this room to be used by.”
“I think you know.”
“The human.” Work stated.
“Correct. Believe it or not Mister Force, but you are doing me a huge favor by doing this, even if you do get compensated for it. Though I trust said compensation is enough for you to keep your digression regarding this room.”
Work nodded understandingly even though he didn’t see what his princess saw in the human. To go to such lengths for somebody that tried to kill you. The human must have left quite an impression for the princess to forgive him or something like that.
“For all I know, this room has been here all along princess.” Work stated. Clearly a lie, but Celestia understood what he meant by the statement.
She nodded appreciatively to Work Force.
He took notice in that Princess Celestia was lost in thought while she looked around the room. He took this as his queue to leave. “Thanks for doing business with you Princess.” He said and then he left Celestia alone in the room.
Now all that was left was to cast the spells that would bind this room to Celestias command, and and getting some utensils for the kitchen.
Celestia just hoped she would never have to use the security measure that she had asked to be installed.
Meanwhile down in the dungeons, Ethan laid in his cot thinking.
Wondering.
How would his life be had he just been able to forgive her. He was so tired of fighting. But if he didn’t fight for something, then he was afraid he might just lose his mind. What would he even do if he were to forgive Celestia, what would the outcome of that be. Would Celestia even trust him if he were to say he did forgive her? It has been years after all.
“What even drives me now?” Ethan muttered. Going after Celestia now seemed hopeless. Celestia wasn’t going to give up on trying to turn him over to her side, and so long as she was trying to do that he would never walk free until he did forgive her. He would be her prisoner until the end of time.
Ethan recalled the day she told him what she had done. It was fifteen years after they had realized they were something more than friends. Ethan was 39 at the time, and had resigned his hope of ever returning home in favor of building a new home, here with Celestia.
To Ethan this day felt like a lifetime ago. The day Celestia revealed what she had done.
Celestia and Ethan were eating dinner together. It was something they rarely had time for as Celestia often needed to work during the evenings. It didn’t bother him much seeing as she was a ruler of an entire country after all.
They sat next to each other, the twilight sun just managed to shine through the windows. Still, candles were lit and the chandeliers hanging from the roofs would light up the room to a nice comfortable level for both parties.
Contrary to the beliefs of many, Celestia rarely ate in the main dining hall. That was usually reserved for the Grand galloping gala. Celestia ate in a smaller room, close to her office area, and with a decently sized table with enough room to have up to eight visitors. She felt it was more personal when she got to eat at the smaller table, as not only were she physically closer to her guests, but it was also easier to interact and talk to her visitors.
Ethan now had a permanent spot right next to Celestia, where they would eat together whenever she wasn’t working.
Celestia would often ask how Ethans day was, and he would answer with him still looking for something to do. The two years he had been living in the castle had been somewhat underwhelming for Ethan. He had tried to work in all sorts of businesses, both in the service industry, and to some degree the manager and leader industry. But it all seemed pointless, he just found that he didn’t really know what to do as he didn’t need the money. He was the boyfriend of a princess, so he had all the money he could ever want.
He had tried to paint, learn instruments, and while that kept him entertained for a while he still had a hard time coming up with new things to try and accomplish with all his newfound freetime. When Celestia was there, she always cheered him up, telling him the next thing he could try. His plans ahead were to try and write a book about his life. Seeing as he was an alien and he was the lover of the princess. A biography about himself was pretty much guaranteed to be a success, no matter how poorly written it would be.
After that he wanted to make a movie. Not cause he needed to, or wanted to, but it would be a long term project that he could work on. And if he didn’t like making a movie, Celestia suggested he could try and start up his own company. So many thing he could do. And if he failed at everything, at least he could say that his life wasn’t boring with all the things he got to try out.
The food they were eating was nothing extravagant. Celestia went with a salad with some turnips in it, whilst Ethan took a pair of eggs and a steak.
“So, how has your day been?” Celestia asked Ethan.
“Eh, not much has happened. I’m trying to come up with a script for the movie that I’m thinking about making. But I don’t really have a solid story in mind, and I don’t want to write a book and make a movie about myself as that would be kind of boring.”
Celestia smiled. Ethan wanted to achieve great things ever since he got together with her. He had all these big plans.
“Well, I think that no matter what you come up with, it will probably be a good movie.” Celesita said, wanting to encourage Ethan to do what he wanted.
“But maybe you should read a few books, get some inspiration. Maybe even ask the author of the book if you can make a movie based on their work?”
Ethan instantly lit up from his moody demeanor. “There’s an idea!” He exclaimed while pointing his fork at Celestia.
“Do you have any suggestions?” Ethan queried.
“This is your project, you’ll just have to read books and try and find the right one. If you don’t find it then you will still have gotten some ideas on what the story could be. Not only that, but you will have seen how ponies write, so you could get a better understanding on writing. A win regardless of the results.” Celestia smiled.
Ethan had listened intently. Celestia always seemed to have all the answers. “What would I do without you?” Ethan said, smiling as well.
Celestias heart just upped in tempo. There was something so satisfying about getting a complement from Ethan. He didn’t usually praise her unless he felt like she got him out of a sticky situation, or whenever she did something big, like finish big projects or get done with all her work in one sitting.
Celestia dropped her utensils, and walked behind Ethan, wrapping him up in her big wings, and leaning her head into his cheek. “You are a part of me Ethan, I would never let anything bad happen to you. I couldn’t imagine a life without you anymore.”
At first Ethan didn’t think much of it. He interpreted it as her just saying that she loved. He didn’t realize just how right and wrong he was at the same time.
Celestia let go of Ethan and sat back down in her seat. She looked expectantly at Ethan, wondering if he was going to say anything. But Ethan kept on eating like nothing had happened. It was only when he noticed how silent it was that he looked up to Celestia, wondering why she looked at him like she ecpected something from him.
“What?” Ethan asked, wondering why Celestia was so quiet.
“I… I just thought you would say something.”
“What do you mean?”
Celestia wanted to say something, yet she didn’t want to say anything. Every time she had admitted to what she had done, they often lashed out, and left.
“Celestia, what are you talking about?”
“I… Ethan, I’m curious. How long does humans live?”
Ethan, wasn’t sure what was going on. He was going to further question her.
“Depends what kind of lives we live. But I’d reckon about 80 is the average. Why? Does this have something to do about how I still look young?”
Celestia had figured he would catch onto it at some point, but she found it odd that he hadn’t asked about it before now.
“How young would you say you look?”
“Well, I look like I’m still 27. I thought it had something to do with the ambient magic that I kept hearing so much about from Starswirl The Bearded.”
Celestia was now unsure of yourself. Ethan seemed scared. Unsure about himself.
“Ethan… what would you say, hypothetically, if I were to tell you would live forever?”
Celestia was good at keeping a straight face, but Ethan could see that Celestia didn’t want to say it out loud. He was going to live forever.
“You… You made me immortal?”
Celestia knew he would see through her question.
“You made me immortal without taking it up with me first?!”
Celestia didn’t want to be here right now. But she was responsible for what was about to happen.
Ethan looked at Celestia completely dumbfounded. He seemed confused. Hurt. Then without a warning he stood up and left the room in a hurry.
Celestia wanted to follow, and she was just about to, but she was scared of what she might see. What she might have caused. She wanted to comfort him when he seemed so broken, but she was the cause of the pain he currently felt. She instead voted to just sit where she was and wait for a while. Maybe tomorrow they could talk about the subject further.
Ethan looked at the wall. To this day he didn’t know what he could have done differently. The damage was already done by Celestia. And judging from the fact that he still looks about as old as a guy in his late twenties, she must have given him immortality long before he could even think about the subject and bring it up to her.
Ethan had spent many years wandering. Wondering on how to approach his now unlimited time. He had done everything he said he would do. He published his biography, he made a movie which got rated average. He even made a company, but it ended up failing, losing to competitors who had access to way more resources than Ethan.
He met many griffons, minotaurs and dragons. He had decided that leaving Equestria was the best approach. He didn’t want to be found by Celestia. He was scared, afraid of what she would do if she found him.
He did everything he set out to do, only without Celestia. He was miserable the entire time, casue he couldn’t help but think that when he was done, what was he going to do next?
It was only in his later years that he met Twilight. He got to learn that she was the student of the Princess he used to love, but she didn’t know him. It left him in a favorable position to learn what Celestia had been up to. He made friends with Twilight, and claimed he was a deformed minotaur so that she wouldn’t accidentally call attention to himself should Twilights letters involve him somehow.
He later learned from Granny smith that there were tales of the “period of searching”, from a generation ago. The story went that Celestia had initiated a country wide search for her long lost sister who didn’t really exist. The ponies had though that Celestia might had gone mad, but when the search stopped ten years after it had been initiated, the rumors died down, and most ponies chose to ignore this dark period. It was only when Luna truly returned that the ponies acknowledged that Celestia hadn’t gone mad, but had just lost track of when Luna was supposed to return. Ethan knew this wasn’t the case however.
What the ponies didn’t know was that Celestia had been searching for him for those ten years.
Ethan is a very old man at this point. Tough, part of him hates himself for not being able to throw away the notion of killing Celestia. He had tried to kill himself many times, through many different means. Even when he found the dagger he stabbed himself, hoping it would be the thing that would kill him. But nothing worked. “You are a part of me Ethan…” That part still lingers, and is what gave him the idea that killing her could make him mortal again.
How he so hated the situation he was in. He hated the pony he loved the most, and no matter what he does, there doesn’t seem to be a happy ending for all parties involved.
Author's Note
This chapter got a bit longer than I anticipated, though my guess is that, that won't really bother any of you.
I didn't bother spellchecking everything, so feel free to comment if there was something I missed.
Also, English is my second language, and I'm currently writing in MSword with US spell checking.
Ttyl ;)
Author's Note
Just a quick note. I am not all that happy with how this chapter turned out.
Also, thank you guys for the support. Again as always feel free to leave feedback, both good and bad, preferably bad, but keep it contructive.
Also, Also, Haven't spellchecked this chapter. Might be errors here and there. Sorry =/
TLDR: This might be the weakest chapter. feedback is appriciated. Thanks for reading.
Virtue
Ethan was in his Cell reading the book he had gotten. He was about two thirds of the way in, and while he had related to the main character at the start, the pony at this point felt foreign to him. She chose to give up one of her most valued goals in life to help her two of her friends achieve theirs. It was an act of virtue, a ‘sacrifice the few for the many’ mentality.
“She basically took a bullet for the team.” Ethan mumbled under his own breath. The Idea that in order to do the right thing one has to do something knowing it will have a negative impact upon oneself is a bittersweet notion at best.
He hadn’t read to the end, so he didn’t know if the sacrifice the protagonist made would pay off later in the book, though he suspected it would seeing as most fiction has a happy ending.
Ethan closed the book and got back to his favorite activity. Staring emptily into the roof. He imagined that if he just did it for long enough that it would give him some answers, though he didn’t expect to get any. What would the answer even be?
Ethan was not long after brought out of his pondering by the clopping of hooves hitting stone.
He got up in from where he laid on his cot so that he sat on the edge with his legs hanging off the edge while he faced the bars separating him from anyone who would talk to him.
It didn’t take long before Celestia got into view where she then proceeded to sit down in her usual spot. A slight smile donned her today.
“So, how has your day been?” Celestia started, seemingly not nervous at all to talk to Ethan today.
“Oh, I don’t know. Still empty and meaningless like most days.” Ethan took a pause wanting to see how Celestia reacted to his downtrodden mood. She didn’t seem to lose any of her confidence however.
“What are you so happy about?” Ethan questioned.
“Your surprise!” Celestia exclaimed in a song like manner.
“It’s done! I’m moving you to a different place in the castle.”
“You’re moving me? To where?”
“Somewhere more comfortable.” Celestia stated, though her mood went from happy to serious in a blink. “And Ethan, please don’t try anything. I’d rather not have to… you know…”
“Knock me out and drag me to my new location.” He gave her a thumbs up. “Gotcha.”
Celestia took a moment to look at Ethan as he picked up his book and his spare clothes that he kept on a shelf not far from his cot. He then stood up with his hands full and walked over to the bars where the door to the cell was, waiting expectantly on Celestia to open the door.
Celestia took a deep breath. She hadn’t seen Ethan without the metal bars separating them for a few weeks now. She was internally beating herself up over that she hadn’t given Ethan a better room sooner, but she wanted to try and intimidate Ethan. But she never fully committed to that strategy, and as a result it did nothing but separate Ethan and Celestia further apart. She hoped changing his room could remedy some of the feelings he might have garnered against her. But even if it didn’t she was still glad that Ethan didn’t have to be down here in the dark damp dungeons anymore.
She took one last look at Ethan, reassuring herself that he wouldn’t try anything. Maybe she should’ve brought guards for this? No they would only have gotten in the way and it would make Celestia seem like she didn’t trust Ethan. Right now, she only wanted to gain his trust again, and what she was doing was the right thing. Celestia reassured herself.
She put the key into the lock and twisted until one could hear the heavy clank of the lock unlocking.
“I know. I’m just… being cautious.” Celestia opened the cell door letting Ethan step out while keeping a guarded eye on him every step he took.
Ethan was now out of the cell, looking in the direction Celestia always arrived from. He could see that the hallway extended quite a lot longer than he remembered. Not that it was an issue, he was just happy to be able to see anything else but the bars keeping him contained to the small space he had.
“I think you know the way out, so… after you.” He heard Celestia say.
Ethan did a nod, signaling that he understood and walked down the hallway that would lead to the upstairs. It took only but a minute before they were out of the dungeons and in a hallway in the main castle. He stopped only a bit outside the door waiting for Celestia to catch up. She kept herself a few feet behind him so he wouldn’t try anything on her.
“So, which way now?”
“You know where my room is. Just, walk to there, and I’ll give directions once we are there.”
Ethan got a bit suspicious. Her room? Was she planning anything?
Ethan kept walking with Celestia behind him. He glanced behind him, looking at Celestia who to his surprise wasn’t aiming her horn at him, but was simply watching him. Not even with caution at this point. Once he arrived at the door he noticed that the doorframe had runes embedded into it. Not many, but just enough for him to know that they weren’t there for decoration.
Celestia grabbed the handle of the door with her golden magic, opening the door for Ethan to step inside. Ethan however didn’t walk in. He stared emptily at the ground. He didn’t want to walk in, knowing it would just be another cell confining him to a very limited space. He missed being outside. He missed going on walks. He was so tired of just sitting in a room doing nothing but think and read and occasionally talk to Celestia.
“Ethan?” Celestia looked at Ethan. What was supposed to make Ethan happy only seemed to make him sad. How? Why? How was this a bad thing? Celestia wondered.
Ethan looked up from the floor and made eye contact with Celestia. He stared at her with a pleadingly glint in his eyes, quietly asking not to be forced to walk into that room.
Celestia steeled her resolve. No matter how much this hurt to say she couldn’t risk it. “Ethan, step into the room please.”
Ethan let out a depressed sigh. His whole form slumped, but he took the steps necessary to be inside the room, and his future home for the foreseeable future.
Once they were inside the room Ethan began looking around, getting a feel for the mood of the room while taking in the amount of newfound space he had to walk around and explore.
“So, what do you think?”
Ethan felt empty inside. He knew why Celestia gave him this new room, and it was with good intentions at heart. Yet, the gesture seemed hollow to him for some reason. Why couldn’t he for just once feel something good come out of Celestias actions.
“I like it.” Ethan answered in a more monotone voice than he intended.
Celestias good mood was now going downhill at a dangerous pace. Didn’t he like it? She knew that he was tired of this little back and forth they were having, but she was trying to remedy that while keeping him with her. Celestia felt like she was about to break. Was this not enough? What more could she give that he would appreciate? Would she have to give up on him?
…
NO! She wouldn’t. She couldn’t. No matter how hard things are now, things will get better.
Ethan looked still taking in the room pondered why he was so unhappy with being alive. Unhappiness comes from being alone. That is something he learned through the years when his friends died, leaving him alone, only getting older. He knew the pain Celestia was going through, yet he wasn’t sure he could forgive her.
What was it he wanted? He had pondered this not too long ago. Maybe he should see what it is Celestia wanted. What she truly wanted. Maybe he could find something that would give him a starting point on trying to forgive Celestia.
Ethan felt easily irritable today. Today had been a wakeup call for him. He always knew that Celestia was really the one in charge, but today, when she was the one responsible for him changing rooms, it literally showed him how much she controlled what was going on around him. The fact that Celestia decided where Ethan would be at all times, that she was in always in control of what happened to him is what made him so easily irritable.
He had to try and take control back. Control over the conversation is what made Ethan feel safe, it gave him some power, some control of what was going on around him. If he didn’t control what topic Celestia and he was or would be talking about, then he didn’t control anything. That would mean that he would have to submit to whatever Celestia wanted from him. Even if he might run the risk of blowing his fuse today. He couldn’t let Celestia control everything today.
“Hey Cel.” Ethan started as he took a seat at the bed.
Celestia was brought out of her thinking and looked up to Ethan. “Yes?”
“What makes US so special to you? What do you want to do if I were to forgive you? How would we live our lives that makes you so obsessed with gaining my forgiveness? Seriously, what would even my purpose be?” Ethan wondered with what felt like genuine curiosity. Almost like he couldn’t imagine a happy life with her.
“We are special Ethan. Nopony, nor anybody is just like you. Just as nopony is just as me. Just like nopony is as the four I was together with before you.”
“Oh, you’re saying we are all special then?”
“That is what I am trying to say, yes.”
Ethan chuckles a bit to himself.
“That`s just another way to say nobody is special. The very word Special means it stands out from a vast ocean of many samey things. The very word loses all meaning if everyone is special. How can I be special to you if you have four others that you can convince are equally as special as me?”
Celestia could feel her frustration rising from how Ethan was thinking.
“Ethan, everyone is special once you get to know them. Yes, in the point of view form a bird we are nothing but many ponies who walks the streets on this planet. Nopony stands out particularly. But once you get to know each and every one on a personal level that is the point that the pony becomes special. Not to everpony, but to ‘you’ who gets to know that pony. That is why you mean so much to me, because I have gotten to know you, you are part of my life now, I don`t want to lose you.”
There was no doubt in Celestias mind that Ethan was very depressed right now, but depression can be cured. Ethan was not a lost cause, he never could be in Celestias mind, no matter what drove him to do the things he did.
“Fine, you’re right on that one.” Ethan waves his arms over his head in a rainbow shape. “Everyone is special. Seeing as I care more about you than the average breathing thing on this planet. You could say you are special to me in that context.”
Celestia felt relieved to some extent. Ethan could be reasoned with. Celestias could feel her flickering hope being rekindled.
“But, I haven`t failed to notice that you haven’t answered my other question. What is my purpose, and how am I supposed to be happy with being alive for all eternity?”
Celestia was calm, she had won one discussion, she could collect another, she just have to make sure to back it up in a way that it becomes close to irrefutable.
“Well, what is your purpose now?”
“To die.” Ethan said in a deadpan manner.
“Well, there you have a purpose.”
Ethan was dumbfounded, did Celestia not hear what he just said?
“Celestia, when a person dies, it’s over. When I’m dead I don’t have to think about the next purpose, because there will be nothing left of me. Death has a tendency to also be very permanent, so I fail to see how the wish to die will bring me purpose for all eternity when dying is the only thing that is impossible for me. That very purpose is what put me in this situation in the first place!”
Ethans fuse was getting shorter by the second, it’s like Celestia gives him this room to in an attempt to buy him out or something. Celestia clearly had control of the conversation, and Ethan couldn’t see where she was going to take it, and Ethan didn’t like not being in control.
“But, with that eternal life of yours, you managed to find a purpose.”
“Yes, but if you didn’t notice, it was to END the ETERNITY part of that ETERNAL life!” Ethan put a lot of emphasis on the words that he had a negative connotation with.
Celestia still composed asked. “Ethan, what I am about to do will probably anger you further, but I need you to stay cold headed for this question, because I need you to take the time to think about it.”
Ethans Eyes shout out in rage. She was just fucking with him. She was just trying to piss him off. But to what end?! What does she gain by doing so?! Nothing, or nothing he could think of anyway. Question? Question? Question? Ethan thought frantically. What was she going to ask him that would apparently make him lose his shit? Calm down. Calm down. He though as he took deep breaths. Let Celestia ask her question.
Celestia got a little concerned when she saw how Ethan reacted, but she kept a close eye on him so that he wouldn’t try anything rash. She wasn’t exactly in an uncompromised position, but she still felt vulnerable without anything physically blocking him from her like the metal bars that were down in the dungeons, though she still had the security measure if worse were to come to pass.
Ethan visibly was still shaking, but he had managed to keep cool down enough to the point where he was willing to hear what Celestia was going to ask. He opened his eyes, looking to Celestia to signal that he was as ready as he could be to receive the question.
“Why are you upset right now?”
Celestia was right, Ethan was just about to blow the lid. He was so very tempted to just go on a parade of why Celestia was royally pissing him off at this very moment. That very temptation just kept on growing, and if Ethan didn’t find a reasonable answer within the next ten seconds he was going to let go of the already slipping grasp he has on the “keep your mouth shut and think rationally” filter.
Celestia could see Ethan was fidgeting with his hands. Internally she was pleading for him to find the answer for himself. If he didn’t, she would just have to hope that her guess would be correct, or close to.
Ethan was thinking hard, why was he mad? Why was he mad? Why was he mad?
Then, like a light just got turned on he realized he just answered the question. Why was he mad?
Celestia noticed that Ethan had stopped fidgeting with his hands. It looked like he was about to answer her with some confidence. He stood up from his bed and took one step towards Celestia before he stopped. Celestia held her breath.
…
Was this really what he wanted? What is it that drives Ethan to want to take control away from Celestia. Celestia has stated time after time that she wants to do nothing but what is best for them both. Was Ethan wrong in wanting her dead? Of course he was, and he knew it, but he was so tired of just existing just for the sake of existing. Because Celestia wanted him to exist for longer than he has any right to, or would ever want to.
Maybe that feeling could stop though… if he’d just forgive her? Would that break the vicious cycle of meaningless Ethan had felt for so long? He left the day he got to know what Celestia did to him, and what she did was wrong, but he hasn’t exactly been giving ‘living a long life with her’ option a chance. He remembered how it was before. Even before he knew he got cursed with an eternal life he already felt hollow. What would he do? Go back to painting again? Starting yet another business? Make music? His years of hunting for the dagger that would kill Celestia is the years that he felt like he had a true and meaningful purpose, that he could achieve something that would show a visible and clear result when he was finished.
But that was a dark and egoistical path that would leave an entire country wounded by the loss of a princess. Ethan never wanted to hurt anybody. He was a good man, right?
Accepting this would truth would leave Ethan purposeless once more, and it would prove Celestia right in that you can abandon some goals in favor of others. People find a reason to go on every day. Celestia is a living example of somebody with a purpose even though she is cursed but eternity as well. This truth would mean that Ethan would have to revise his life to something else. He would have to accept how Celestia was thinking.
Accepting this truth however, leaves Ethan on an endless journey to find the next purpose in life, a reason to live for all eternity. Celestia claims she can give him that. Celestia, the one he swore to kill in an attempt to die himself. The one who betrayed his trust for the most selfish reason. Yet he still loves her in some messed up manner of what you could consider love.
Could he live a life with that being the truth?
Celestia looked at Ethan, she slowly let out her breath, looking at the man before her who went from confident to confused, terrified even. She had done something. If it was the right thing was still to be seen.
She stared at him intently, wondering what was going on inside his head, when she noticed a glint on his cheek. She tried to get a better look, and it was… a tear.
Celestia was now worried, what had she done.
Suddenly Ethan almost spastically shook his head, his spaced out look now replaced with one of intention, his eyes homed in on Celestias.
“Get out.”
Celestia wondered what had just happened. She clearly did something, though what she does not know. She stands in her place, letting Ethan think about what he just said in a hope he would reconsider.
They stood there in silence, Ethan staring down Celestia. It was clear she was not wanted in the room right now, so she sat up and went for the door.
“I’ll come by tomorrow.” She said, hoping their ritual would play out.
Ethan didn’t answer, he simply glared at her with his ice cold eyes. What she saw was pure hatred, and it was directed at her. Celestia visibly flinched from Ethan.
“And you’ll be here.” Celestia finished with a shaky voice.
As she left the room her thoughts began to wander. She knew something had changed. Ethan wasn’t going to be the same after this conversation. Had she been too rash in trying to turn Ethan over to her side?
She eventually came to the conclusion that it might be best if she didn’t come by tomorrow. Time is what Ethan needed. He looked like he was in a state of internal conflict from what she could read off of him.
