A Sorcerer's Guilt

by Jay David

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starswirl the Bearded, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mistmane
Length: 1426

Starswirl confides in Mistmane a deep remorse

When one has spent so much of their lives trying to fight evil, believing that they alone were doing what was needed, it can be hard to accept that they might be wrong about something. And yet, since their return to Equestria, that is exactly the thought that Starswirl has dwelt on. He was wrong, and only when his fellow Pillar, Mistmane, comes to him, does he finally speak up about it.

Published 2018-01-13 07:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2018-01-13 07:00:06 UTC

Guilt

Sunny days were always a welcome thing, especially when you spent a lot of time out and about. For Starswirl and his fellow Pillars, that latter fact was especially true these days, as they continued on in their long journey across modern-day Equestria. The ancient sorcerer had long ago resigned himself to the knowledge that his homeland had irrevocably changed from what he once knew, and for the time being, he simply contented himself in the calm peace of this one moment. Sitting upon a grassy hill, he had his eyes closed for some time, enjoying the warm feel of the sunlight upon his face. Quietly, he made a mental note to thank his old student, Celestia, for being so good at that when he eventually returned to Canterlot. But, future plans were the furthest things from his mind right now, and he just wanted some peace and quiet to enjoy the day. So, he continued to remain seated there, on his little hill, listening to the natural sounds around him.

Unfortunately, his plans for total peace and quiet were interrupted somewhat when his ears began to pick up familiar voices not so far away. Cracking one eye open, he looked down to find several of his fellows interacting with one another in one form or another. To his right, he could see Flash Magnus and Somnambula sitting together beside a nearby stream, looking to each other lovingly. To his left, he saw Stygian, sitting before Meadowbrook, as the latter appeared to be giving him a lecture of some sort, holding up an old book of medicine as she did so. He had nothing against what they were doing, but even so, the old unicorn was a little miffed at having his solitude ended this way, leading to a long sigh on his part. This reaction apparently turned out to be amusing to somepony, as he then heard the sound of laughter from behind. Looking over his shoulder, he found that it was none other than Mistmane who, along with him, served as the eldest of their group.

"Having trouble relaxing, Starswirl?"

Her voice was as calm and kind as it usually was, and in the face of it, Starswirl eased up, though only a little.

"I had hoped that, with all our big adventures behind us, it would be easy, but..."

Chuckling, the elderly unicorn mare walked beside him, taking a seat before looking out beyond the hill herself.

"You were never one for rest or quiet, Starswirl. In all the years I've known you, you were never happier than when you were active."

Starswirl didn't respond to that. Instead, his eyes once more drifted down to his younger companions, and above all else, he couldn't help but notice just how well all of them were getting on with each other. In spite of everything they'd been through, here they were, smiling and being at peace with each other, as though the trauma of their time in Limbo had never been. Of particular focus to Starswirl was Meadowbrook and Stygian, which prompted him to at last speak up.

"You know...I remember well the times when our three tribes were at each other's throats. Unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies. Time was, you would never believe we would come together. Yet...there they are. Friends."

Mistmane smiled as she looked to him.

"And from the looks of it, things have become all the better in our absence. Nowadays, it seems inconceivable that there was ever any enmity between them."

Starswirl nodded.

"I suppose...times just change."

But his expression then turned into a slight grimace, as though suddenly uncomfortable with something.

"But...not all of us change with it."

Slowly, the old mare beside him looked to him, her face one of concern.

"Starswirl...I know better than anypony when something is bothering you. Please...confide in me, if you will."

A long sigh escaped the wizard, and he gave a short nod before he began to speak.

"Friendship...I once believed that I knew all there was to the world. All the great forces. And yet...as I sit here, in this new world...I have come to realise...just how little I truly knew."

Mistmane nodded.

"This is about Stygian, is it not?"

Starswirl's eyes once more returned to the younger stallion downhill from him.

"Not just him. How many foes did we face, Mistmane? How many times did we stand against some evil, and purge it from the world?"

He looked to her again.

"Twilight...and her friends...they have faced many dangers themselves, and yet they have accepted into their hearts that those who do evil may change for the better. That they could be accepted."

He shut his eyes tightly.

"In the past...when I led us...such thoughts never even occurred to me! When I stared down evil, my first and only thought was to rid the world of it. Stygian, the Sirens, all of them."

Slowly, his eyes opened again.

"But...how many? How many of them might have changed...if I had simply thought to offer them a hoof...instead of resorting to attack every time?"

Mistmane rested a hoof upon his shoulder.

"You cannot fault yourself, friend. One can never know what might have happened if we had done things differently. All we could do, all anypony can do, is act on what they know."

But it seemed as thought Starswirl was not comforted by this.

"Because of my decision, my choice to turn against Stygian, instead of being his friend and letting him open up to us...I condemned him to a path of darkness...and with it...I also sealed our fates."

Another sigh on his part.

"Over a thousand years we were trapped, and why? Because I was too stubborn...too entrenched in my ways...too old...to ever think of another path."

Shame crossed his face now.

"My actions have been heralded by those of this era as having laid the groundwork for what Equestria is today. It is a land of peace and friendship, and yet I, the one so often said to have helped it on that path...knew virtually nothing of that concept. A stallion to whom friendship was...little more than empty words."

The thoughts of how the ponies of this new age regarded him seemed to weigh heavily now.

"Starswirl the Bearded...Starswirl the Great...Starswirl the Wise...Starswirl...Starswirl the Fool!"

Clearly, this was a difficulty that wasn't just going to disappear with a few kind words. And yet, even knowing that, Mistmane knew that her friend needed to be told something. Something important.

"Starswirl...I won't say that you made no mistakes in your time, or that we didn't make them right alongside you. But, just because you spent so long as a teacher does not mean that you ever stop learning."

Starswirl looked to her as she continued.

"This new thinking...this age of acceptance and forgiveness...you could simply take it as another lesson. This journey we now take is not just to see how our world has changed physically, but also to see the new beliefs that have come with it."

She regained her earlier smile.

"Learn from what you have been made aware of. Use it, make it a part of yourself. Let yourself change. Perhaps, one day, if you are called upon once more to defend the defenceless, you will remember what we have been through before, the mistakes we've made...and decide on a new way. A better way."

Looking down, she pointed to Stygian and Meadowbrook.

"After all...if we can live in an age where unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies can live in peace and harmony...then perhaps that peace may also hold true for those we deem our enemies."

Starswirl said nothing for the longest time, instead taking in all that had been said to him. Eventually, he let out a sigh and, in a move that few ever really saw from him, smiled to his friend.

"Thank you, Mistmane."

The mare laughed briefly.

"Well, if there's anypony here who has experience in turning foes into friends...it is I. I may have forgotten that lesson for a time...but it is there all the same."

Like her, Starswirl too let out a laugh.

"That you did. I hear that is even what ponies think of you when they hear your tale. That of forgiveness, acceptance and seeing more than the mere surface."

He pondered that, before speaking up in a slightly more jovial manner.

"Perhaps you should lead us in future, eh?"

A moment passed before Mistmane responded, a cocky grin upon her face as she did so.

"Well...if you're offering."