Moonlight Robbery

by Jubal

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1870

Luna is bored on the moon so she fills her time with various inanities like getting robbed by little fillies (Not Really).

Luna is bored on the moon so she fills her time with various inanities like getting robbed by little fillies (Not Really).

Published 2020-04-22 21:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2020-04-22 21:30:02 UTC

Remember Not to Forget

The bright sun came over the horizon abruptly, kissing everything with its scorching touch. The stars moved in twain with the closest of their kind, swapping patterns and moving positions. Everything moved as it should have.

"How dost thou always know what we are thinking?"

The view outside of her box was beautiful: Blends of green, blue, and white coalescing into one imperfect - yet perfect in her eyes - planet. Her planet. It was static as always, unmoving in its grandeur. The colors were unfaded, the oceans glittering and the forests flourishing. She turned back to the pegasus stallion across from her, the top of his head barely visible above the spread of cards in front of her, suspended by her magic.

"Luna, I'm a figment of your imagination - I would be a pretty lame imaginary friend if I didn't know you like the back of my hoof."

She huffed, her eyes flicking down to her cards. A quick glance outside confirmed there was nopony there. She sighed.

This is the end. This is where we win.

Her hoof slipped to the end of her spread, grabbing the far right card and sliding it to the top of the pile between her and the stallion.

"One Three."

She glanced at the stallion. He showed no outward signs of acknowledgment, his eyes fixed on his own spread of cards. Victory is assured.

"BS."

Her eyes twitched.

"Thou cheat! How wouldst thou know we were bluffing? Thou art a conniving vexer - thy parents would be ashamed!"

The stallion chuckled, laying his spread down on the ground between them. "If we're playing by those rules, you are my mother - so you would be right. My 'parent' is not proud of me at the moment."

Luna grabbed the marker next to her and updated the score on the cardboard wall next to her.

Luna:
III

Scribe:
~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~
~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~
~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ ~~IIII~~ II

She lost. Again.

"You make a face when you lie. It kinda looks like this -" Scribe's face scrunched up "- and it's really cute."

Her cheeks flamed up - a common occurrence in reaction to Scribe's constant adulation. We do not do that. But she remained mostly silent, with only a flustered mutter to be heard.

"Like I said Luna, I'm a figment of your imagination. I'm as much a part of you as the moon is." Scribe brushed the cards off to the side of the box, settling down on his stomach with his head pointed towards the cardboard cut-out of a window. "Also, I think you have your first customer."

Her eyes widened and she fidgeted slightly. Customer, she thought. He couldn't mean what we think, could he? She looked out the window, scanning the barren landscape of the moon. Then she saw: A filly of undetermined age, bounding up and down by way of the moon's gravity-denuded atmosphere.

The smile that stretched itself across her face could barely be contained and she felt the tides of happiness rise within her. A visitor! Never mind how a filly had gotten here, she hadn't had real discussion with someone outside of the personas her mind had created in ages!

She turned back towards Scribe, a smug grin plastered on her face. "Begone cheater - we wish to speak to the filly like civilized ponies."

Scribe's expression contorted into a confused frown. "Firstly, I don't cheat. Secondly, what~? I'm the epitome of civilized! I should get to talk to the filly as well! - and as I said, I'm all in your head so you might as well be insulting yourself!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Perhaps thy chance will arise at a later time, but for now, we will talk to her - now begone with thee! Do not think to beguile us with thy fool's logic."

"Fine, but you owe me a back rub when I come back." Scribe whisked away in a flash of wings.

She rolled her eyes before turning back to her visitor. The filly had since changed course, coming towards her box. She waved her hooves at the approaching pony. "Hail traveler! What brings thee here?"

The filly landed with bent legs at the foot of her box, her head tilted up towards the window. Perhaps she is younger then we assumed.

"Thank Celestia, you're the first pony I've found! - I mean, there was that dancing alien but he didn't talk much."

The filly was coated in lime green hair, with a black mane and tail, emerald eyes and a question mark as a cutie mark. Her eyes sparkled with the innocent wonder and curiosity so common in those her age. It made Luna squee within - she had always loved working with foals.

"Well young one, we don't know of any of these 'aliens' thou speakest of, but we share thy feelings of gratitude at the sight of a pony - We have endured many solar cycles on our lonesome."

"You talk funny..." - the filly extended her hoof out in greeting - "My name's Anon. Nice to meet you!"

Luna returned her greeting with a hoof-shake. "Dost thou not know us? We are Luna, Diarch of Equestria and Princess of the Moon."

Anon tilted her head. "But there's only one ruler in Equestria and that's Princess Celestia!"

Luna's lips thinned into a flat line. That - That heathen! She would dare erase our name from the mind's of our subjects? - She shook her head. Back to the task at hoof.

"What art thou doing here young one? How didst thou come to be here?"

Anon scratched her head. "I'm not really sure... I'm having a hard time remembering."

Luna settled her hooves onto the window sill. "When we were but a foal, we would lose our toys frequently - so frequently in fact that our sister Tia would complain to our parents when we would take her toys."

"Oh my gosh! You're sisters with Princess Celestia! That's so cool." Anon's eyes sparkled in childlike delight.

Of course that is what she finds the most interesting, she thought. Our status as a princess obviously means little.

"Wise as mother was, she would walk us through the steps of our day in hope that it would spark our memory - and many a time, we would remember what we had forgotten." Luna gave the filly a gentle smile. "Would you like to try?"

Anon nodded her head. "So, I woke up this morning and got out of bed. After that, I brushed my teeth, ate breakfast and left for school - Mommy always gives me a kiss on the head before I leave!" Anon rubbed her forehead - "Right there!"

Luna angled her ears forward to show the filly that she was listening.

"I walked to school and went to my classes. After that it was lunch..." Anon facehooved. "I remember now! Some stupid colt stole my lunch money! I was super hungry and nopony would give me any food so I left school and went to one of those bit places."

"Bit Places?" Luna asked.

Anon nodded her head. "Yeah! Mommy said they keep all the money safe from bad ponies until it is ready to be used."

"We believe thou meanest a bank."

"That's the place! So anyways, I went to the bank and asked for some of mommy's money so I could buy some food but they wouldn't give me any. That's when I pulled this" - she reached a hoof into her mane and pulled out a water gun - "out, and said 'Gimme all your money!' "

Anon pulled the trigger, squirting a small stream of water onto her coat. Luna stifled a giggle with her hoof, wiping off the stray water. She has promise.

"The stallion behind the counter freaked out, then the guards and Princess Celestia showed up! It was a mess!" Anon paused, lowering her head to the ground. "And then BANG! She zapped me with a rainbow laser and here I was!"

My sister is evil, she thought. Sending fillies to the moon...

"That is quite the tale thou has regaled us with. We believe that after such brave ventures, thou deserve a treat." Luna left her box, stepping onto the cold ground of the moon. Her wings extended to full mast. "Would thou like to fly with us?"

Anon's eyes sparkled. "OMUGOSH! I'm gonna fly with a princess!" The filly was quick to leap on her back, snuggling into the warm recesses of her mane.

"Is the moon really made of cheese, Princess?"

Luna felt a warm bubbling within her chest and she couldn't help but smile. "No young Anon, but there are some secrets in this world that none but ourselves know of." She took off, flying high into space.

The feeling of weightlessness, the silence that only breathing broke. Everything moved as it should have.

"You're the best Princess. I think your sister sucks."

This time, Luna couldn't help but giggle. "We can't help but agree."

"She's right you know."

Luna twisted her head to the left. There, flying alongside her was Scribe. He had a knowing smile on his face.

"We think it is high time that thou hast admitted that we are the better princess," she said.

"Oh, I've always known who the better princess was. You've even got the looks down better than her."

There it was again. That flattery - the same flattery that she always fell for. With a tip of her wings, she brought herself closer to him.

"Are you gonna kiss him?"

Luna only smiled and moved closer to those alluring lips. They moved. Then their lips connected.

"Lulu wake up!"

Her eyes shot open to a most horrifying sight. Her lips were firmly pressed against not Scribe's own but that of her sister's. Both of them stared wide-eyed at the other unmoving, so she did the only logical thing one would do upon such a sight. She screamed, her horn charging up rapidly and her head cracking hard upon the headboard of her bed. Then her horn erupted.

For the next few seconds, all she saw was smoke, the billowing clouds jamming their way into her nose and throat. She coughed violently, rolling out of her bed in a tangled mess of bed sheets and blankets. After mostly untangling herself, she staggered onto her hooves and moved towards the gaping hole in her bedroom wall, stepping over the various bits of stone that were littered at her hooves.

She stepped up next to a shocked guard who had come to check on her most likely, both of them looking at the sun.

The guard spoke first. "Princess, is that...

There she stood with blankets trailing behind her and a pillow impaled on her horn, looking at the outline of a mare engraved in the sun.

Well... Buck.

Author's Note

I wrote this a while ago, I hope it brought a smile to your face. We all need something to smile about during these trying times. :heart: