The Day of Offerings

by Kulpa

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Princess Celestia, Mr. Cake, Mrs. Cake, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random
Length: 1280

Friend of the Crown? or Pit of Misery?

There is only one day of the year that is Celestia's favorite, on that day you either please the Solar Princess or piss her off.

Published 2017-11-24 11:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-24 11:10:06 UTC

Dilly Dilly

Celestia sat at the center of the large table within the main courtroom of Canterlot Castle. Next to her was her sister Luna and the rest of the seats were filled with Canterlot nobles. A light upbeat medieval tune played in the background, flutes accompanied by strings. A smile sat atop Celestia’s face for today was one of her most favorite days in all Equestria. Better than the Summer Sun Celebration, Hearthswarming, and her birthday combined.

The Day of Offerings.

Once a year, all ponies made the journey to Canterlot with an ‘offering’ for the princess. If Celestia approved of your offering then you were proclaimed a ‘friend of the crown’ by the Solar Princess herself. A raucous applause would ensue and you would be allowed to go about your day in peace. It is an honor all ponies seek.

If your offering was denied then you would be given a week long ‘tour’ of the ‘Pit of Misery’. An infamous place where only stories of horror stemmed from, a truly evil place that no pony wished to see or enter.

Celestia looked to both sides of the table, noticing the last seats being taken she turned her head to the two guards in front of the large golden doorway. She nodded at both of them, this was the signal to open the doors and begin The Day of Offerings. The doors slowly swung open and on the other side a neat, quiet, and organized line was formed.

Quickly the line filed into the room with the first pony following behind a guard who stopped well before the table and waited for the princess’s queue to allow the first in line to step up and give their offering. Another quick nod was given to the guard and he stepped aside and motioned for the first in line to step up to Celestia and the rest of the Royal Court.

*****

Everything had been going splendid so far on Celestia’s favorite day. Half the population had given their offering and only a few ponies had earned themselves a tour of the Pit of Misery. Celestia gave another nod to the guard at the front of the line. The next two ponies stepped up together to the table.

“Ah, welcome Mr. and Mrs. Cake. What do you have for me this fine day?” Celestia looked between the couple, patiently waiting for them to place their offering on the table in front of her.

“We hope this is to your liking princess,” they both managed to say as they placed a large triple layer quadruple chocolate cake in front of the princess, blocking her view of the two and front of the room.

From behind the cake Celestia’s mouth watered. Her eyes going up and down the cake, appraising the offering “Oh my stars,” she muttered to herself. Her wings fluttered by her sides. Before she began to drool she composed herself and leaned to the side, allowing her to make eye contact with the two married ponies.

“I must say, the two of you out do yourselves every year” Celestia smiled at them and continued. “You two are true friends of the crown. Dilly dilly!” Celestia proclaimed loudly.

“Dilly dilly!” the rest of the royal court and line of ponies loudly cheered. Hooves stomped loudly in applause.

Both the Cakes breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you your highness” both of them made their way out of the courtroom, happy that they would not be sent to the pit of misery.

Celestia moved the Cakes’ offering to the side, in front of Luna. Before giving the signal to the guard Celestia quickly snapped her head towards Luna giving her a glare. “Do. Not. Touch. Luna. You are not immune from being sent to the pit of misery either sister.” Before Luna could even respond, Celestia turned her head back to the guard and nodded for the next in line to be sent up.

A familiar tan coated, brown haired, unicorn stallion stepped up next in front of Celestia.

“Another familiar face,” Celestia said with a smile. “Pony Joe, what do you have to offer us this year?”

“I hope this pleases you your highness,” Pony Joe replied as he levitated his offering on to the table.

Another large offering blocked Celestia’s view of the crowd, but she was thankful as this made it impossible for her subjects to see the drool dribbling down her chin as she stared in awe of Pony Joe’s offering. In front of her was a mountain, no a volcano of chocolate donuts just as large as the Cakes’ cake. Filled with a river of molten fudge and covered in chocolate chips and icing, this was another work of art.

Celestia looked between her cake and volcano; her tongue licked her lips repeatedly, her eyes became half lidded and she whispered to herself. “Ohhh, the things I’m going to do to the both of you later,” it bordered on lewd and sensual in tone, but who could fault the princess for loving her desserts.

After a short time stuck in her stupor, Luna forcefully jabbed a hoof into Celestia’s side causing her to regain her focus. Quickly Celestia used her magic to move this mountainous offering to her other side giving her vision back to the Pony Joe and the courtroom. “You Pony Joe, have shined brighter than my sun. I am pleased to say that you are an even truer friend of the crown. Dilly Dilly!”

“Dilly dilly!” the royal court and line of ponies loudly cheered again, hooves stomped loudly.

“Thank you your highness.” Pony Joe bowed and quickly made his way out of the castle.

After receiving two amazing unbeatable offerings Celestia wished to speed up the pace of the day and quickly nodded to the guard to send the next pony up.

A grey Pegasus with a blonde mane stepped up in front of Celestia next with a small basket in her mouth. Without saying a word she confidently placed it in between the cake and donut volcano for Celestia to see.

The music that had been playing throughout the whole day immediately stopped. Worried looks appeared on ponies in the crowd. Celestia used her magic to grab a corner of the cloth covering the offering within the basket. When she pulled back the cloth and peered at what was inside, a small frown decorated her face.

Celestia looked up from the basket and made eye contact with the pegasus mare, the mare’s confident smile still hadn’t vanished from her face. One more time Celestia looked down at the basket and back up at the pegasus.

“Wuh, What is this?” Celestia questioned seriously.

“Well, your highness these are some sugar-free, gluten-free muffins that I’m really into right now,” the pegasus replied obliviously.

Celestia blinked once and just stared at the poor dumb pegasus in shocked silence.

“So, uh, dilly dilly? Right?” the pegasus asked, a hint of concern flashing on her face and in her tone.

“What’s your name?” Celestia asked.

“Derpy Hooves, princess.”

Celestia gestured over to one of the guards standing by the wall. “Derpy Hooves, why don’t you follow Solar Flare. He’s going to give you a private tour of the pit of misery.”

Derpy gave Celestia a confused look. “Uh, what?” were the last words Derpy spoke before being ushered off to the pit of misery.

Celestia looked out amongst the crowd, smiled and raised a hoof high in the air. “To the pit of misery! Dilly dilly!”

"Dilly Dilly"

Author's Note

Points to you if you enjoy the commercial this story is ripped from!