Every morning I wake up to the same dread that makes it so hard to fall asleep in the first place. Even though I should be looking forward to the day ahead of me - going into work at my couples cuddle studio and helping the ponies of Ponyville to grow closer together through snuggles – I can’t help but to feel exhausted from the same thoughts and memories that keep me up every night.
I used to get visits from Luna in my dreams, but to little avail. She tried to put my mind at rest, but eventually admitted she was the wrong princess for my troubles. It didn’t matter that she stopped coming after that – it’s difficult to dream when you get so little sleep.
I try to quickly groom my short, brown mane before trotting out the door towards work. As an earth pony it takes longer to groom than I would like. Some time ago I had a special somepony who was happy to brush my mane for me. I would watch her bright red eyes in the mirror as they focused intently on getting the curls on top of my head to stay down. This morning, I gaze into the mirror at just myself, pausing briefly to examine the bags forming underneath my grassy green eyes. After a quick glance, I decide I look good enough and rush out the door.
Picking up a bright red apple from the Apple stand on my walk, I give a quick hello to little Apple Bloom. I made it a habit of visiting the stand every morning after one encounter when little AB pointed out that her fresh, gala apples are the same shade of red as my coat. That always stuck out to me, and of course the little filly is too precious not to say hi to as well.
My mind is racing as I try to decide which poses I will teach to my classes today. The sessions are designed for pairs, but my favorite positions are always the ones we can do in large groups instead of just couples, because it allows me to join in and feel like I am a part of the love in the room. I always try to keep my participation to a minimum so as to better focus on the pairs taking the classes. After all, the whole point of my program is to focus on the love of my clients, not myself.
I only notice that I must have been smiling when I feel the muscles in my muzzle loosen upon arriving at the entrance of the currently empty studio. I look up at the banner above the door which reads “Golden Grip Cuddle Therapy”. I had named the studio for the love of my life when we opened it last year. The banner even had a forest green background designed after her coat which contrasted beautifully to the red of the building. Every morning when I walk through the doors I can still hear her voice echo in my mind saying, “Your hugs are always so warm and inviting – have you ever thought of sharing them with other ponies?” This studio had been her idea after all.
I hold back a tear remembering the day after she spoke those words. Back then, I got my cutie mark after showing Lyra and Bon Bon my favorite way to hug. I guess those two had an argument about something related to Bon Bon’s job, but when those two nuzzled up to each other, I practically blacked out from the hot sensation running through my veins. All I remember was that there had been a bright flash of white light and for a second I thought I was flying. I had never been as excited as the first time I gazed upon my flank to see that image of two ponies, one red and one green, embracing each other.
It was perfect - both my special mare and I had gotten our cutie marks from cuddling with each other. She got hers on our first date. By the end of that night, I could tell she was somepony special. In my mind, I can still see the overjoyed look on her face when I pulled out a gilded necklace which had belonged to my mother, and gave it to her. She was so ecstatic that she quickly threw her arms around me and before either of us knew what happened, there was a brand new image on her flank of a shovel and a heart deep in a hole. To me, she had a love that was as deep as any hole that could ever exist. I never imagined the day with Lyra and Bon Bon would be the last time I held my Golden Sweetheart, as I had called her.
Taking a deep breath, I pull myself out of the chain of somber memories in preparation for the classes ahead of me. I look around the studio, a remotely small room with several mats on the floor, lighthearted posters of small animals hugging (my favorite was the two kittens that had their arms on top of each other, eyes closed, and noses booped together), before walking around the perimeter of the room and lighting scented candles. There would be affection in the air soon and that positivity always managed to brighten up my day. About a half hour later my first class began arriving.
“Good morning, Fluttershy”, I say as the butter-yellow pegasus is the first to walk through the front doors.
In her soft voice, Fluttershy says back, “Oh, um, good morning, Tight Grip. You said that this class is for anyone right? You don’t have to be…um…you know….”
“Oh don’t worry at all! All pairs are welcome! Friends, close friends, newlyweds… oldlyweds, strangers - there’s no stigma here!” I chuckle in response.
Fluttershy smiles as she calls out the door “It’s OK Barry. You can come in!” A few seconds later a bear almost as tall as the ceilings in the studio crouches under the door frame and steps inside. “He’s been having a rough time lately and I thought your class might help him cheer up.”
“Don’t you two worry at all” I respond, “After an hour here I promise you’ll be as happy and relaxed as ever!”
After another few moments, the other two pairs show up. There’s an engaged pair of white and blue pegasus ponies attending their first session together as well as Mr. and Mrs. Cake, who like to come in once a week to have some romantic time together. I check the schedule on my desk and see that the new pegasi’s names are Diamond Rose and Lucid Dreamer.
“Well since we’re all here, why don’t we get started”, I say. “I like to start with a big group pose so that we are all comfortable together. The best icebreaker is a pose called the zipper” The pairs of ponies and Barry each sit on a mat with their partner. Each mat is positioned adjacently.
Instructing ponies on poses always takes a few minutes the first time they try one, and a little longer when you factor a giant bear into the mix. The zipper is easy enough, as all six participants lay down vertically next to each other. Everyone interlocks one leg and one arm with the pony/bear adjacent and I smile as I watch Barry’s eyes light up. I made sure he was in the middle of the group so that he would feel the most loved through the closeness. Once he settles into the pose with Fluttershy to his left and an uneasy Lucid Dreamer on the right (hugging bears wasn’t exactly common for most of the residents in Ponyville), I can see Barry’s entire body relax as the anxiety melts off face. Once everyone is in the correct position, I join in on the end.
“Now Mr. Cake”, I start in a jokingly serious voice, “Is it ok if I take this spot by Mrs. Cake?” The class laughs a bit (if only because they feel obligated) and Mr. Cakes chuckles in approval.
A good hug or a close snuggle will brighten up any day. I can feel the energy in the air from this simple pose and I instruct each client to take a couple of deep breaths and really enjoy the moment. Most ponies don’t think about how lucky they are to have a loved one, or even a good friend to hold onto in everyday moments.
I think to myself, “What I would give to stay in this pose for the rest of class – heck, even the whole day” After a moment though, I break up the pose and get on with the rest of the hour by focusing on the pairs.
“This next pose is called the ‘Baby Bear’”, I say as everyone throws a smirk toward Barry. Fluttershy nuzzles up to his midsection and he blushes. Slowly I instruct the three pairs to pick a “baby bear” and all the mares agree that they want to be the ones getting snuggled. I instruct them to sit in between their sitting partner’s legs facing outward and then lean back into his chest. The stallion “big bear” wraps one arm around his partner’s midsection and cradles the head with the other.
I am always overcome with a mixture of jealousy and pride while watching each participant slowly relax into their partner. It is a beautiful sight, watching pairs become one body as they close in with one another. I can practically feel my cutie mark glowing, knowing I am helping them all to strengthen their bonds together.
At the same time, I can’t help but notice my heart drop into the pit of my stomach, realizing I will never cradle that special somepony in my arms again. I could practically feel the touch of her embrace against my barrel before it evaporates into thin air, passing on. She always felt close, even today, especially around my heart.
“Does everyone feel more relaxed?” I ask to the room, snapping back to reality once again. I receive slow nodding in response from the now euphoric class.
Gradually we do some more complex positions and I can see the warm effect of each cuddle in every client’s eyes. Barry looks like a new bear from when I watched him trudge into the studio. The newlyweds won’t take their eyes off each other and every now and then they steal a moment for a quick kiss. Mr. and Mrs. Cake become so relaxed that they nearly fall asleep together.
By the time the hour is up, a few tears escape my eyes. I love my work and seeing how it helps everyone that stops in. As the bear and ponies leave the studio completely refreshed, Mrs. Cake turns back to me from the doorway and remarks “You get so worked up over these classes you know. I would almost think you need them more than we do!”
“Well I suppose that’s why my name is Tight Grip” I retort, wearing a bittersweet smirk.
Mrs. Cake pauses for a moment, with a nervous look on her face. “You know… I’m really sorry about happened with Golden…I know she meant the world to you. But I do hope you can move on. Somepony as special as you are deserves a great mare to hold onto too, you know.”
“Maybe in time, but I can’t imagine anypony that could make me feel the way my Golden Sweetheart did. Even though she’s not here anymore, my memory of her is what compels me to share that love with everyone else.” I speak with resolute emptiness. Mrs. Cake shoots me a concerned look. After a brief moment she smiles slightly and exits the studio.
There are a few more classes scattered throughout the day. I especially enjoy the late afternoon session because I teach a short lecture on the benefits of hugging. Even though most ponies don’t seem to be interested in the parts of class which don’t involve rubbing up on each other, today I know there is one pony that will be paying attention because Princess Twilight agreed to attend the class. Last week, I had heard her mention in passing how stressed she had become with her friendship duties, and I encouraged her to bring a friend down. When they take their seat on the class mats however, Spike doesn’t look anywhere near as enthused as she does, but I suppose that is how it goes for her number one assistant sometimes.
After discussing the importance of pressure receptors in the skin and their correspondence to oxytocin levels in the brain I can see everypony nodding off except for the Princess of Friendship who has a giant, wide-eyed grin.
“All right! Who’s ready for hugs?” I ask to the near comatose class. Perking up, the nine ponies and dragon sit at attention on their mats. The class goes very well overall, though there is a slight hiccup with a particularly advanced pose.
“This next one is called the ‘Pretzel Pose’” I tell the now more engaged group. “I want the bigger pony to sit at the side of the smaller, sitting partner facing them at a 90 degree angle.” Of course only Twilight understands the instruction at first, but unfortunately Spike does not and it results in a dragon spike to the quarter of his unfortunate pony partner. After grabbing the well-used first aid kit from the nearby wall and sorting out the leg trauma, I straighten up all the other couples and continue.
“Next I want the bigger pony to wrap one leg behind their partner’s back and the other in between your partner’s legs in front. Finally you should wrap each other in an embrace” Even Spike is enjoying the class at this point and I feel a smile creep back on my face. Watching the little guy holding onto the princess, his eyes closed and a big grin on his face, I sense a familiar warmth throughout my whole body. For just a second, I think I am lighter than air. I take a quick glance outside to see that dusk is quickly approaching and my heart sinks back down in my chest. There is one last class for the day coming up soon.
I fake a smile and say as enthusiastically as I can, “All right friends, that’s all for today! I hope everypony feels like a million bits!” There are several groans which tell me I did another fine job with the stallions and mares that do not want to leave yet. The class makes their way to the door and I walk around the studio blowing out the candles.
“I loved your class! It was so much fun and really informative!” Twilight approaches me in the back corner of the studio with her violet eyes practically glistening. “I hope it’s not unprofessional if you help me practice one more” she giggles as she wraps an arm around my neck. For a brief moment I am taken away from the pessimistic thoughts and I feel a smile start to form before the anxiety creeps back in.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it princess” I respond, taking a step back. She must be able to sense my apprehension of the next class as she asks “Are you OK? I know it’s not my place to say – that’s a different princess – but I know this last year has been rough for you”
“Thank you for stopping by Princess. I truly appreciate it. Please tell your friends about this class” I say with half a grin, staring at the clipboard on the nearby desk.
“C’mon Twilight! Rarity said she had something cool to show us tonight. We don’t wanna keep her waiting!” Spike says, pulling Twilights front leg. “Plus, I gotta tell her all about Tight Grip’s class and what a good cuddler I am!” Twilight rolls her eyes and brusher her hoof over the Band-Aid.
“Well, thanks again for the class. I’ll definitely tell the girls about it!” Twilight says more optimistically as she turns and exits the studio.
I sit down at the desk and let out a deep sigh. As I hold up the day schedule again, I glance over the names of all the ponies registered for each class. A chill runs from my withers down to my hooves looking at the currently empty attendance boxes for the final class.
At this time of day I usually slink back into my nighttime exhaustion. I love my job for a variety of reasons, but nowadays the best part is simply not being alone for a little while. Usually I am much livelier for the final class of the day, knowing it is the last meaningful interaction I will have with my Ponyville peers for the night, but today is different. Before I can reflect for very long, I hear the door open.
“Yo it’s the big guy!” The words are spoken much louder than they need to be for such a small space. I turn to see a bright yellow stallion, with a short, buzz-cut black mane standing in the doorway. I run my eyes from his microphone cutie mark up to his piercing brown eyes which are covered by plastic glasses with lines cut out of them instead of actually holding glass. Somepony once told me they are called “hater blockers”.
“Yo my girl has been tellin’ me all about this snuggle-fest or whatever it is you got goin’ on here. She said ain’t nopony better with intimacy than you!”
Trying not to let my shoulders slump too much and faking some enthusiasm, I muster up the courage to respond.
“Cognac Best, right? I…I’ve heard a lot about you. How’s that new album doing?”
“Number 1 on the charts, baby! Coloratura ain’t got squat on me since she tried doin’ that ‘real emotion’ boloney!” There is arrogance in his scratchy voice as Cognac continues with cocky flair in his words.
“Bein’ number one is easy when you got a fine mare to rap about. Ain’t nopony inspire me like my perfect nugget.”
He calls outside from the doorway, “Hey my little shiny bits! Come on in here!”
Turning back to me he remarks, “We just got hitched in Las Pegasus! She’s da best thing that ever happened to my career!”
For a moment time stands perfectly still. There is no movement. Cognac’s annoying, voice doesn’t touch my eardrums. For just a millionth of a second, I can’t even tell what I’m feeling, if I am experience emotion at all.
Every night I trudge home from the cuddle studio, emotionally drained and afraid to be alone again. It’s difficult to go from the elation of helping ponies love each other more and more, to sitting by myself with no pony to hold. Accepting the notion is never fun. It’s even worse having known how great it is to experience the emotions I guide tens of ponies through every day. Each night it gets harder and harder to calm my mind to the point of sleep. The irony of being the best at hugging is not lost on me, with no pony to curl up with.
But nothing is worse than when I look into those crimson eyes peering back into mine as the forest green coated mare walks into the studio.
“Tighty G.” says Cognac, “I believe you know my wife, Golden Digger”
Author's Note
I take a lot of inspiration from books and stories that don't tell you what's actually going on until the end. Any form of media that can be completely different the second time you go through it is genius to me.
In case you didn't quite catch the what actually happened, here are the details. Tight Grip is named appropriately because not only is he good at holding things close, he's unable to let them go. Two years prior he had a special mare friend that realized her talent is conning stallions into giving her nice things in return for her affection (or at least the façade) . Staying true to her name, Golden Digger stayed with Tight Grip until there was better pickings and found a hip-hop entertainer who is definitely not modeled after a musician I find reprehensible for his poor attitude, pathetic behavior, and reprehensible status as a role model. Tight Grip is too clingy to accept the reality of the situation and it continues to haunt him. Luckily, he has positive encouragement from the friendly ponies of Ponyville, and the loneliness resulting from trauma helps him excel at his job. Silver lining...I guess?
