Boom 'er Yang! (and other nonsensical puns)

by TheApexSovereign

Rating: teen
Tags: Dazzlings, Equestria Girls, Sex, Comedy
Length: 5841

From the depths of the Everfree, a boomerang which drastically alters the personality of its wielder seeks the ex-villains of Canterlot High

In the spirit of a similar episode from Ed, Edd, n Eddy, a boomerang with mystical properties seeks to twist Canterlot High's most antagonistic personalities into reversed parodies.

Published 2019-02-24 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-02-24 18:20:01 UTC

In Which the Dazzlings Lose Their Minds

"And here's Tweedledumb," Adagio dryly remarked. Both she and Aria Blaze stood beneath the shadow of Canterlot High's idol: a stallion kicking its forelegs into the air. They both watched Sonata skip towards them from the school's front entrance.

"Hey, guys!" she cooed, trying to pull them into a one armed hug but only catching the air they previously stood in. Sonata showed no response to this as she continued, "Sorry I got held up in there; detention is just terrible!"

"Not as terrible as you," muttered Aria.

"Seriously, who mistakes a PEZ gun for a real gun?" scolded Adagio. "You almost gave Cheerilee and half the class a heartattack thinking you finally snapped or something!"

"The sad part is that this isn't nearly the dumbest thing she's ever done," muttered Aria.

"Oh yeah, Aria the Grouch?" Sonata sneered with a tug of her friend's pigtail. Aria jerked back in surprise and yanked the siren's ponytail in return, eliciting a puppy-like yelp from her.

Before the argument could escalate further, Adagio stepped between the two and wrenched both of their braids hard enough to get them to stagger. "Both of you, shut it." She huffed grievously, pinching the bridge of her nose. "A thousand years together and you both still act like children."

"A thousand years together and we're still no closer to restoring our old power than we were when we first got here," said Aria. She folded her arms, and with her voice dripping sarcasm she asked, "Now what, O Wise and Poofy, is the agenda of this powerless fellowship today? An afternoon at the beach? Another poor display of the karaoke at the bar downtown? Or are you going to actually surprise us, I wonder."

Adagio narrowed her eyes. She shot a glance at Sonata, whose attention was split between a butterfly dancing overhead and the twiddling of her thumbs. A smirk suddenly crossed Adagio's lips when she looked back at her grumpy friend. "You know what Aria? You are the leader today. You pick what we should do with our now-limited time in the forsaken tragedy that is our lives. No, no. Go ahead. I insist." Adagio simpered as Aria's scowl deepened. Her lips pursed, implying she was in deep thought, but a full minute passed before Adagio let out with a low chuckle. "Well?" She leaned forward.

Aria grumbled, sulking off to the side.

Cupping an ear, Adagio lurched closer. "What was that, little Ari?"

Aria scowled, a faint red beginning to glow upon her cheeks. "Just shut up," she grumbled, scowling.

Adagio let out another chuckle, though in reality it took a great amount of will not to just collapse to the floor in a storm of roaring laughter. She did have an image to maintain, after all. "Exactly," she mocked. "You don't know the first thing about leadership. Heck, I'd sooner name Sonata my right hand before you."

"Wouldn't that make Aria your left hand?"

Adagio suddenly felt very tired. "Sonata, stop saying words."

"M'kay." Sonata proceeded to fold her hands behind her back and rock along on her heels.

Unbeknownst to the sirens, the statue's base behind them had begun to ripple in a way not unlike a stone tossed into a still pond. Its little show ceased before any of them took notice, and a small object shot out from the portal, straight into the poofiness of Adagio's hair.

As she was about to open her mouth to speak, the Siren leader's face suddenly went blank; her eyes snapped wide open, and her mouth formed a thin, expressionless line. As though there were no more bones in her neck, Adagio's head fell, her hair falling to conceal most of her face.

The other two Dazzlings just stared at their friend, then each other, then back to Adagio; she didn't move a muscle, not even after ten seconds. Sonata started biting her lip and rubbing her fists together. "Dagi?" she mumbled. "Are you okay?"

Aria, of course, regarded the citrus-skinned siren with just the hint of an amused smirk on display. "I think her neck finally broke from holding up that massive brain full of brilliant ideas for so long."

To that, Adagio finally responded. Or at least, they think she did. "No, nope Aria. I'm good," said the mass of orange curls. Its voice was surprisingly lax, very even. "I am, in fact, as cool as a cucumber."

Aria's lips parted slightly, unsure of how to respond. Even pea-brained Sonata took note of her longtime friend's random change in tone, and took a quick step back with her hands clamped together over her heart. That certainly sounded like Adagio, but at the same time it didn't. Where was the smugness glazing every word? The profound high-and-mighty bitchiness oozing off every inch of her tongue as she spoke?

So at a loss for words Aria was that it was actually Sonata who broke the silence (in her own unique way of course): "Yoohoo, is the real Dagi home?" she sang, skipping forward and running her fingers through the rainforest that was Adagio's hair.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Nata," chuckled Adagio, pushing her away. There she straightened her back, though her arms hung limply at their sides, and Adagio finally looked her two friends in the eye with her own.

Her own half-lidded, glazed eyes. She smiled upon seeing their pallid, startled faces. "Woah, woah. You guys need to chillax, you look like you just saw a couple of ghosties or some other criz-biz."

Aria went cross-eyed. "...'Chillax'? Who says that any—oh, oh please no." She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head, though nothing could stop the hurricane of repressed memories that was, what this world called, "the Seventies." A particularly grisly decade of the outcasts' thousand-year-banishment, the Seventies was a chilling period in which Aria had front-row seats to the spectacle that was society imploding on itself; people were either a "cat" or a "chump", while everything was labeled as either a "bummer" or "totally far out". Colors clashed in the gaudiest of patterns and styles, something a devotee of everything fashionable like Adagio Dazzle found utterly abhorrent. It was for these reasons that the girls would go several days at a time without a meal, for they felt that no amount of negative energy was worth subjecting themselves to horrors like "the bump" and a strange Human anomaly known as "the peace pipe." In fact, the only reason why they did not simply go off the grid for a couple years was because Sonata Dusk actually enjoyed the Swingin' Seventies.

To an extent.

Her friends endured, as long as they could at least; they stomached her late-night disco dances and Adagio in particular blinded herself to the girl's liking of bell-bottoms. However, the day some hapless young spirit equated Sonata's figure to a "brick house" was the day the trio decided to check out of society for a couple years. That was apparently supposed to be a compliment, but the poor boy didn't get the chance to explain before Sonata was out the door wailing like a dying piglet. Amidst their self-imposed exile, the Dazzlings vowed to never mention this period of terror again.

Which was why Aria Blaze found herself shocked and even a little fearful that Adagio, the one who loathed this era the most out of the three of them, was suddenly acting like, well, an idiot. "This isn't right," was all the siren could utter.

"It's only the rightest," Adagio purred in response.

Aria visibly shuddered. "Dag', you sound like a forty-year-old cougar."

Although any normal person would question their longtime friend's sudden heel-turn in personality, Sonata wasn't exactly a 'person', or 'normal' for that matter, and she accepted Adagio's personality shift with a hapless shrug. "Eh, whateves. So, Dagi, what're we gonna do today?" she asked, leaning forward.

Adagio simply waved a hand in dismissal. "What do I care? Go on, go. Let birds and bees be free and all that jazz. I won't stop ya."

The girl leaned closer, her face showing uncertainty. "You mean...no rules or plans? Just do whatever?"

"Mm-hm." Adagio nodded slowly.

Sonata was practically bouncing at this point. "Woohoo! Ice cream for breakfast and bedtime past ten! I like this new Adagio!" she cheered. The siren skipped towards her friend and gleefully wrapped her in a hug.

"Aww, I like you to Sonata," said Adagio, returning the embrace.

"Anything we want, eh?" Visions of marathoning Wrestlemania X-Xlll in nothing but her briefs and Randy Savage t-shirt with a big bag of Swedish Fish filled Aria's mind. But she couldn't let herself become excited as Sonata. Something about all this just felt wrong.

Sonata meanwhile nuzzled deeper into the hug, she had never been this close to Adagio before; her embrace was fully-encompassing, with both arms wrapping tightly around the blue singer's small back, yet she was simultaneously gentle and tender too. A pleasant warmth stirred between them, making Sonata's eyelids feel a little bit heavier. Of course, she had to deal with a face full of orange frizz, but that was totally worth it in her mind.

She would have stayed like this forever if Adagio hadn't finally pushed her away, gently of course. Everything about her was gentle now, and that was good. "Thank you for that, Sonata." She smiled warmly. "You're an amazing friend." Adagio leaned forward and licked her cheek.

The girl reeled back suddenly. A blush born from embarrassment and confusion took over Sonata's regular facial color. "Uh, oh, okay? That was...nice?" She scratched her head, trying to make sense of what just happened to her.

Adagio's mellow gaze dragged across the courtyard until it landed on the pallid face of Aria Blaze. "Ari…" she moaned, arms open.

"NO! Don't lick me!" The siren was trapped in Adagio's loving embrace before she could process what was happening to her. When she did, she tried squirming out but Adagio's grip seemed to only tighten. At least, that's what she thought. Or maybe she unknowingly enjoyed it.

"Aria?" Adagio mumbled into her ear.

A chill ran down the Dazzling's spine. She felt her will to live dwindling by the second. "Y-Yeah?"

"I just want to say that you are the greatest individual I have ever met. I know I don't say it much, but you are an amazing person capable of amazing things. Aria, as one of my oldest and dearest friends, I feel comfortable to say that, well, I love you, girl. Like, Aria, if you were to ever want kids, but not deal with pregnancy and all that jazz, I will carry your baby for you. That's how much I value our friendship, Aria; I would have your babies. Just pick a husband who's into role playing, and doesn't like anal. I can't deal with that painful shizzle."

Aria's eyes continued to be fixated on the cloudless sky overhead. She blinked once. Twice. Three times. "The hell is wrong with you!?" she cried. Aria finally came to her senses and shoved Adagio away; the siren lazily stumbled back, not looking the least bit surprised or hurt. Still huffing with rage, Aria shoved her again, and then once more. Adagio's smile remained. "What's wrong with you?" Aria repeated, breathing heavily. "Why are you suddenly acting like..." She rolled her hand around trying to think of a term.

"The worst?" Sonata chirped from behind their leader.

Aria snapped her fingers. "Yeah, that. What's gotten into you, Dag'?"

In response, Adagio simply threw her hands up in the air, grinning wide at Aria. "I just don't know, sister," she confessed, snickering. "And to be honest, I don't really care!"

Aria only stared at her friend in disbelief. "I'm just going to take a long shower and question everything I thought I knew about my life for the last thousand years."

"You do that, champ," said Adagio. She winked and gave two thumbs-up. Aria wanted to break them off.

From behind the Dazzling leader, Sonata spoke up. "Hey, Dagi? You got something stuck in your hair."

Adagio flicked her eyes up to her hairdo and let out an exasperated sigh. "Tell me about it. In fact, everything about this," she gestured to her whole person, "just feels constricting and unbearable, like I'm in an oven. Plus, eugh, it's completely ugly too. This is what society passes for fashion standards? No thanks! It's high time I loosen up a bit."

In one fluid motion Adagio was able to fling the spiked headband off of her head. Aria's eyes followed it spinning into the heavens, probably into outer space. With a shake of her head Adagio loosened her hair, and it cascaded all the way down to the pavement like a waterfall of cheetos.

"Now for these things," Adagio moaned, wiggling her fingers in front of her face. She leaned forward and bit down on the fabric of a fingerless glove and pulled. It resisted a bit, stretching out as it desperately clung to her fingers but eventually it snapped off, revealing a sweaty, pale-yellow hand.

"Ah," she sighed. "Much better." Adagio held it between two fingers of her bared hand and flung it in Aria's direction. The purple siren didn't seem to notice it land perfectly on her forehead.

"Something's wrong with Adagio." Aria spoke as if she was just realizing this.

"You're telling me!" Sonata cried. "There's this weird thingy in her hair and it's bugging the jam outta me!" Sonata wasn't really paying attention to the laid-back siren's behavior. She didn't want to be rude, but that thing sticking out of her hair was just so irritating. "Here, let me get that," she announced. Sonata took a few steps closer to Adagio's flowing hairdo and tore the boomerang free from its hiding spot.

Sonata looked at the toy, a few wisps of orange tangled around it, and giggled. She put it to her lip, ends pointing down. "Look!" she laughed. "It's like a moustache!"

Adagio's second glove was already being reacquainted with its twin on Aria's stark-white face before a few blinks and a mighty sneeze brought her back to her senses. "Oh, bless me," she muttered, sniffling. Adagio glanced around, her eyes first settling on Sonata, whose arms and knees were jerking at different bends and postures as a series of inhuman sounds came out of her mouth.

"Is Sonata having another stupid-attack?" She smirked, turning towards where Aria was still standing. She frowned. "Hey, what are you doing with my gloves?"

Aria blinked several times, then went cross-eyed to look at the fabric dangling in front of her eyes. The girl hastily brushed them off her face, and then her gaze returned to Adagio before they hit the pavement. "What, What happened to you?" she breathed, wide-eyed. "Are you..." she took a tentative step forward, "...better?"

"Aria, what are you going on about?" Adagio took one step forward before high-fiving the pavement with her face. She scrambled to her knees, teeth gritting and eyes pointed up at a noticeable purple splotch on her forehead. "Well now I see what you mean," she growled. "How did my hair get down? What happened to my headband?"

Aria moved forward and offered a hand. "You don't remember? Seriously? You licked Sonata's face and then started stripping!"

"I did WHAT?"

A blue blur tackled Aria before she could say another word. Adagio, still on her hands and knees, stared with her mouth agape at the sight before her. It took a moment to process what she was seeing, but when she finally realized what was happening, Adagio burst out laughing. She watched in absolute hilarity as Sonata, kneeling on Aria's chest, rammed her fists against the siren's face with the quickness and drug-fueled fury of a death metal drummer.

"Sonata's finally snapped!" Adagio laughed, clutching her stomach. "Oh, Oh Celestia I can't breathe!"

"HELP!" Thwack! "ME!"

Adagio, still chuckling, hopped up to her feet and in a few wide paces she stood over the brawling girls. "Okay Sonata, show's over." Adagio had only one hand on the wild Dazzling's shoulder before she was suddenly given a premiere-viewing of "down Sonata's gullet".

"AUGH! She's biting my beautiful face!" Adagio, stumbling back with a full-grown teenager perched over on her person, clenched her fist tight and blindly rammed it into Sonata's gut a quick three times. The siren ceased her gnawing and looked into Adagio's fear-filled eyes for half a heartbeat before she moved her chompers towards her friend's ear. "GAH-HAA! Sonata, have you lost your nonexistent MIND!?"

Adagio fell back with a yelp when she stepped on her own hair, flinging Sonata off of her in the process. Sonata landed in quite an amusing pose: with her face kissing the pavement and her butt thrust towards the heavens. Unbeknownst to either Dazzling, the boomerang she clutched in her hand amidst the entire ordeal escaped her grasp and skid further down the sidewalk.

Adagio sat up with a hand over her chest, breathing heavily. Her eyes moved to meet Aria's. Both sirens took in each other's injuries in silence, Adagio's bite-marked face with a small trickle of blood running down her ear, and the bruises splotching Aria's face a darker purple than her natural color respectively. A low groan from behind captured their attention immediately; Sonata was beginning to stir.

Adagio pushed herself to her feet, a cautious Aria quietly joining her side. "Sonata?" the leader said. She and Aria exchanged wary glances. "Sonata, luv, are you…?"

Sonata collapsed to her side, then slowly picked her head up with a dazed look on her face. "Hullo sir, didja just fart cuz' you're blowin' me away! ...Ha-Ha-Haaa, oof." She was on her back again.

Adagio let out with a great sigh of relief. "Oh thank Celestia, she's back to…" She would have said "normal", but… "She's back to being Sonata," Adagio consented, relief washing over her face.

The aforementioned girl sat back up and shook her head wildly, then looked about at her surroundings with a frown and more confusion on display than usual. When she saw her friends, her eyes widened. "Girls? What happened to your faces?" Sonata Dusk asked from her spot on the sidewalk.

Aria crossed her arms and glowered, truly solidifying the return to normalcy amongst the sirens. "You went ape and wailed on us like a crazed chimpanzee," she snapped, as if it was obvious.

"I did!?" Sonata gasped. She thought for a moment, tapping a finger against her chin before a mirthful smile appeared upon her face. "Heh, that's cool! Did I eat bananas and climb a tree?"

Adagio cupped her own face and groaned. "Just shut up, Sonata." She lifted her gaze to find Aria, bruised eyes narrowed, walking ahead past Sonata and down the stone pathway. "Where do you think you're going?" she barked, quietly fearing Aria has finally snapped herself.

Yet the lavender-skinned girl seemed perfectly in the right mind when she shot back, "How about you open your eyes and look straight ahead, dumbstick?"

Irritated by her insolence, but admittedly curious, Adagio pushed past Sonata with the girl trailing close behind with a bounce in her step. The two stopped at where Aria was crouched over.

"I've got a hunch that this is our problem," she said, gesturing her palm out to the boomerang laying before her.

"What makes ya say that?" Sonata asked, leaning over with her hands clasped behind her back.

Aria glared straight ahead and smacked herself in the forehead; a hiss shot through her clenched teeth when she didn't consider the possibility that her flesh was still a bit tender.

Adagio answered for her, explaining as one would to a brain-dead child, "Well, it's a boomerang with peculiar markings on it, and it's got a few strands of my hair tangled around it and some splotches of Aria's blood. It would seem that the proof is in the pudding, don't you think?"

The leader siren pulled away from hovering over Aria's shoulder. "You girls know what this means, right?" Surprising absolutely no one, Aria grunted and shrugged. Adagio grimaced. "It means that this little trinket must be from Equestria! Nothing in this world has this kind of magic."

Sonata straightened her back, arms folded just below her bust. Her eyes gradually widened as she came to a realization. "So...that boomerang is what makes us all loopy, right?" Adagio shot her a look, hand on her hip, and nodded slowly.

"And, like, when we hold it or whatever it makes our brains all sunny-side-up, topsy-turvy?"

Adagio's mouth opened to speak, but it closed without a single word uttered. She shrugged lamely. "I suppose?"

"So if I duct-tape it to my hand...then I can be a chimpanzee forever! Woot!" Sonata was on her knees reaching for the toy before Adagio's palm even made it halfway to her face.

"NO!" The instant blue fingertips entered the corner of her eye Aria lunged and dove for the toy with a ferocity that would give even pro football players pause.

Sonata made a loud whine and stomped her foot when Aria tumbled by, taking the boomerang with her. "Aww! Aria, you big doo-doo head!" she cried. The siren turned her back, arms folded and lips pouting. "I wanted to be a chimp," she grumbled.

Adagio, eyes narrowed, grabbed Sonata by the shoulders and whirled her around so she was facing Aria, whom was on the ground, dry-heaving and contorting her limbs into a mess of improbable twists and bends. "Because this is your fault, I'm using you as a shield," Adagio muttered.

"That seems fair." Then Sonata narrowed her eyes and thought a moment. "Hey!" she cried suddenly. "This is payback for when we ran through that war zone back in 'forty-three that one time, isn't it?"

"You'd better believe it." Adagio smirked a bit. "And all those other times you thought it appropriate to place my person in the path of a spear, bullet, car, train, arrow..."

"Hey, those hurt!"

"I know. I was there."

A sharp gasp from ahead struck both sirens like a dagger in the back. They snapped their gazes in Aria's direction, both expecting the worst but instead finding the girl still on the ground, clutching the boomerang in her two hands. She seemed to be avoiding their stares.

Adagio quirked a brow; was it worry that glimmered in her eye? Shyness? Aria's own brows were pushed together, and her ever-present frown for once hinted at something more than her trademark grumpiness or apathy. Exactly what, however, was lost on Adagio.

Perhaps this won't be so bad, she thought. Adagio stepped one foot out from behind Sonata, whom was looking to her friend with equal curiosity. "...Aria?" the leader intoned, mindfully cautious. "How are you feeling?"

Aria looked down at her feet, refusing to meet her friends' eyes. "I feel, I…" Her bottom lip began to tremble. "I, I…" Tears welled in her eyes, and just like that Aria Blaze couldn't hold it in anymore; she threw her head back and, like the antonym of a savage warlord, let out a long, mournful wail that trailed off into ugly little sobs.

Adagio and Sonata exchanged a glance, both reading one another's disbelief. "Is Aria crying?" Sonata hissed.

Normally, Adagio would have smacked her upside the head and called her an idiot, but even she was finding this situation hard to believe. "I suppose so," she breathed, eyes wide and ogling what might as well have been the Ninth Wonder of the World. "Sonata, I think Aria is...experiencing emotions."

"She's not a robot!" Sonata gasped. "Ari, is that why you're so sad?"

Aria was now on her hands and knees, clutching the boomerang in one and weeping like a pathetic waste of life. She looked up from the puddle accumulating beneath her chin, eyes puffy and swollen and spilling tears faster than Sunset Shimmer on a lonely Friday night.

"No!" she choked. "I'm crying because I, I realized that I'm so much better than both of you! And now, and now I'm stuck with you losers FOR THE REST OF MY LI-HI-HIIIIIFFFE! WAAAH-HAA-HAA!" Aria collapsed to her side, balling herself up into the fetal position and hugging her knees into her chest.

"This is too rich." Adagio whipped out her phone.

"What're you doing?" Sonata asked.

The older siren smirked into the glow of her screen. "Blackmail. Revenge. Entertaining myself, the usual."

Sonata clutched her own wrist behind her back. "But...that's not nice…" She looked from Adagio, to Aria, silently reflecting upon the hundreds of years worth of petty insults the bitter girl had thrown at her. Before long a dastardly grin of her own appeared. "I'm gonna make this viral," she snickered, taking out her phone.

"You! Guys! Are! Jerrr-herr-herrks!"

Adagio held her phone out in front of her and shuffled forward until Aria's wailing face filled the screen. "Aria," she began, crisp and clear like the voice of a news reporter, "on a scale of one-to-boned, how much of a wreck is your life?"

"I'M SO PATHETI-HII-HII-HIIC!" At that moment, Aria's eyes widened and a fresh wave of tears streamed down her cheeks. "Now I feel bad for dragging you guys dow-how-howwwn! What's happening to my life!?" When Aria actually started rubbing her fists into her eyes, much like a baby was wont to do, Adagio was heard furiously snapping away dozens of photos with her phone.

With a smile, Sonata Dusk pocketed her own and gingerly stepped forward. "Ari?" When the girl peered up between her fingers, she found Sonata holding out a hand for her. "I'm done," she claimed, smiling. "Revenge got boring after a while."

"I beg to differ," snickered Adagio.

Sonata shot her a knowing grin, then looked back at Aria. "C'mon, Ari. Wipe those sad-tears away!" She extended her other hand; Aria regarded them with wide, watery eyes.

Moments later the girl sniffled, wiping away the tears that still ceaselessly poured down her face. "Oh Sonata, I'm so, so touched by your kindness. Thank you." Aria rose a hand, the one still clutching the boomerang. Sonata obliviously grabbed it by the other end.

In the blink of an eye Aria was sprawled across the ground, groaning and caressing a bright red welt glowering upon her cheek. Sonata whipped her head back, eyes bulging and froth with bloodlust at Adagio. She had the boomerang clenched between her teeth, with spit running down its edges.

The Dazzling's blood turned to ice. "S-Sonata! Don't—!"

A blue blur swat past her phone-hand, though Adagio managed to wrench it away just in time. She breathed a quiet sigh of relief, but when her gaze returned to the savage siren she noticed an unsettling toothy smile forming behind the boomerang. Adagio looked down at her hand and watched in horror as her phone collapsed before her eyes into a pile of four plastic wedges and a jumble of wire.

"My blackmail!" she cried. "WAH!" Adagio lurched back when another swipe phased past her, just at her belly. Sonata advanced, padding slowly towards her crouched down on all fours.

Sonata's head suddenly jerked back; a screech of frustration punctuated her confusion. Aria threw herself on top of her, one hand at her hip clutching a fistful of blue ponytail, and her other arm hooked around Sonata's vein-bulged neck. She thrashed beneath Aria's pin, and her teeth grit so hard against the boomerang it was a wonder the thing didn't just snap in half on the spot. "Dag'!" Aria snarled. "Take the boomerang!"

Adagio shied away. "But I'll turn into a blathering idiot again!"

"JUST TAKE IT, YOU BABY!"

With a disdainful groan, Adagio gingerly stepped towards the brawling sirens, her face turned away and her eyes shut as if she were making contact with something nasty.

Then again, this is Sonata's mouth.

But Adagio's fingers quickly found themselves wrapped around the worn wood of the boomerang, and without hesitation she wrenched it away. Once the boomerang slipped from between her teeth, Sonata's resistance came to an abrupt end with a face-smack hard into the pavement. Aria let out with a tired groan and let her entire being go limp, collapsing into a series of grunts and sighs that quickly tapered into heavy breathing, soon faint breathing.

When Sonata finally came to not long after, she slowly picked her head up, smacking her lips as though she were just emerging from a restful nap. Sensing someone breathing into her ear, Sonata craned her head away to get a better view of the brutish siren lying over her shoulder.

"Hi, Aria!" she chirped.

Aria did not open her eyes as she moaned into her friend's shoulder. "Don't talk. Five minutes, please Sonata. My entire existence has just been ground up and spat out by some God that finds my torment amusing."

"Adagio?"

"Sure, let's go with that. I don't care." Aria absentmindedly curled an arm around Sonata's neck, which the bubbly siren eagerly settled into. "Just, please, just don't make this any worse, Sonata."

Just as she said that, Aria felt a pressure tenderly lay itself on top of her person. "Well it's about to get a whole lot better," Adagio seductively murmured.

"Is it an end to this nightmare?" grumbled Aria. "I feel very uncomfortable, sandwiched between you people."

"Aw, don't feel that way, Ar-Ar."

Aria's face twisted into a tired grimace. "Dag', I spent the last ten minutes getting way more familiar with you two than I ever thought possible. I'm kind of freaking out right now."

"Will this ease your mind?" Aria's vision was suddenly filled with what at first looked like a black string of some kind. She pulled her head back a little, getting a better look and noticed the item's frilly pattern before Adagio playfully laid it across her face.

Aria understood well enough. "Are these your panties?" she asked, said undergarment draped over her eyes.

"I dunno," snickered Adagio. "Aria sure?"

"Oh my God..."

"What's going on up there?" Sonata asked in a whiny voice.

"Adagio just took off her panties. They're on my face and I think she's in the buff now. I don't really care anymore."

"Well I do!" Sonata shrieked, her eyes wide. Clearly, the thought of Adagio laying buck-ass nude on top of her, even with Aria blessedly stuck between them, did not sit well with the youngest Dazzling. "Get off me!" she cried. "Getoffgetoffgetoff!" She started frantically wiggling about underneath the weight of two full-grown teenagers laying on top of her.

Aria lamely rolled herself off of Sonata, easily throwing Adagio aside as well. The grumpy Dazzling kept one hand over her eyes as she stood, to shield herself from Adagio's shameless freedom.

The siren in question was still on the ground, currently spread-eagled, full-blast right in front of poor Sonata and warming her skin underneath the mid-afternoon sun. Her eyes flittered shut, and she hummed a listless tune with her hands stretched out over her head, clutching one end of the boomerang in each.

Looking between her two friends, uncertainty eating at her, Sonata could only stand off to the side, knees bent inwards, grinding her knuckles together. "Dagi?" she squeaked.

"It's nice to feel the breeze between my knees," the siren moaned, drawing one foot in, her knee rising into the air.

"Aria, do something!" Sonata glanced back at Aria, finding the girl rubbing her thumb and index finger hard into her eyes. The blue girl walked over and started poking her in the shoulder. When Aria looked up, showing Sonata her eyes, they were full of nothing but total apathy. This would have worried Sonata if Aria wasn't always like this already. "I'm done," she then stated. "This is too much. I'll see you idiots back at the house. If Dag' gets arrested, I'll bail her when I get paid next Thursday."

Aria was already dragging herself down the pathway before Sonata could protest, towards the stallion idol whose shadow barely reached the resting Adagio. "But, But Aria!" she cried, walking after her.

Ignoring her, Aria picked up Adagio's deep-violet romper when she passed by the clothes pile. At that moment, Adagio cracked her eyes open and shot her advancing companions a good-natured smirk. "Woah-hoa, girls, where's the fire?" she asked, pushing herself to her feet. The boomerang hung limply at her hip between two fingers.

Aria continued down the path, her footfalls becoming increasingly audible and more angry with each step taken. She balled up the romper, and, clenching it hard in one hand, rammed it into Adagio's bare stomach. She lurched over with a wheeze, and in one swift movement Aria used this opportunity to slap her weakened grip and make her drop the boomerang. It fell with a wooden clatter.

Aria just kept walking.

Seconds later, over the frantic skittering of Sonata collecting discarded clothing, Aria heard Adagio scream bloody-murder.

The girl scrambled to cover herself, hugging her copious orange curls and romper close to her bare-skin. "What happened!?" she demanded. Her eyes widened at the sight of the accursed boomerang lying at her feet, and she took one wide step over it, her gaze unmoving. "What dark magics are woven into that bauble?" she hissed. "Who controls such a power?"

"Shut up!" Aria called back. "Get dressed, we're going home. And like the Seventies we're never going to talk about this ever again." Aria Blaze turned right, making her way down the sidewalk and away from CHS.

Seconds later, she heard Adagio cry out, "Hey! Sonata!"

The aforementioned girl sprinted by, Adagio's jacket, tights, belt and boots piled up in her arms. "Come on, Dagi!" she called out. "I thought you wanted the humans to fall in 'lurve' with your big fat boo-tay!"

"You're dead!" Adagio was hot on her heels, her figure blessedly swathed by her thick orange hair. "Aria, after her!" she roared into the heavens. She didn't look back to see if Aria listened to her, though if she did she'd find the girl still walking but at a slightly faster pace. All was right with the world, at least for the Dazzlings.

Underneath the shadow of Canterlot High's proud stallion, the boomerang laid on the edge of the sidewalk. Its wood had gone cold. None were present to witness its power: the toy's fine wood-finish turned a charred black, blacker than the carvings burned into its mold. Without so much as a spark of flame the boomerang collapsed into an ashen-like substance, grainy and smoking, but with an odd weight that kept it all grounded, even when a light breeze picked up. Only on their own accord was an invisible wind able to disturb the remnants, sweep them up as one small cloud that carried through the portal at the statue's base. Naught a trace of its existence remained behind.

Like the toy that inspired its design, it found its way home.