Help From the Middle of Nowhere... Literally

by CoruTheOne

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 4255

A squad in the U.S. Marine Corps finds themselves in an land unfamiliar to them and very far from home.

Equestria on the verge of war against longtime enemies and former allies is desperately looking for a way to defend themselves from the soon to be invading armies. Back on earth Private Jake Thompson, his brother Private Mack Thompson, Private First Class Tom Jackson, and Sergeant Jackson Bricks get sidetracked while on patrol in Syria as they are pinned down by gunfire from insurgents, but as one of them tries to throw a flashbang and things go in a direction nobody could have ever imagined.

Published 2017-11-29 02:50:11 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-09 20:30:49 UTC

The Start of A Long Day

Equestria, Canterlot Castle
11/26/1000 (MM/DD/YYYY)

"What is the situation Shining Armour?"

"It's not good Princess Celestia, we have reports of armies building camps on our borders and steadily growing in numbers."

"It's worse than I thought, the Griffons, Saddle Arabians, Staliongrad, changelings, and dragons have been hostile towards us for a month now but I didn't think that they would actually be preparing to possibly invade." Princess Celestia said to herself and the others around her.

"What do we do your highness?" Shining Armour said looking at her while they were walking down the long corridors of Canterlot Castle.

Princess Celestia stopped for a second and thought about the question. "I want to call an emergency meeting to be held in the conference room. I want you to make sure that all of our high ranking officers are there, as well as our economic advisers, and prominent scientists." Celestia said as she began walking again.

"Yes, Mam!" Shining Armour said as he began to run down another long highway to their left.

"I just hope we can act before it's too late," Celestia said to herself as she looked down at the floor in sadness.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Syria, Patrol
11/26/17

"So why are you two in the military?" The soldier manning the gun on top of the jeep asked the two brothers as they drove down a dirt road with nothing else to do.

"I already told you this Tom, I and my brother Mack are here for college money." One of the soldiers in the jeep said back in reply as the Humvee hit a bump in the road.

"Jake is right Tom," Mack said after Jake had spoken.

"Ok then, why are you in the military sarge?" Tom asked the driver.

"Because I love the U.S and don't want one of these fucks to do something just as bad or worse than the attacks on 9/11." Sargent Bricks said but just as soon as he was finished talking the Humvee in front of the suddenly blew up.

"Holy shit!" Jake said as he grabbed his M16A4, flicked off the safety and jumped out of the Humvee to take cover.

"Tom, get ready to light these mother fuckers up!" The Sarge said as he and Mack did the same as Jake.

"Enemy spotted up on the hill!" Jake said as he began firing the began again "There's about 10 of them!"

The nobody responded as Mack, Tom, and Bircks hastily aimed their guns at the ten enemies. Then the enemy began firing at them as a response to Jakes shooting and everyone ducked. "Flashbang out!" Mack said as he threw the flashbang at the enemy from behind cover. But the enemy shot at his hand as soon as it came out from cover and the flashbang was dropped because of the shock Mack had gone through as a bullet almost hit his hand.

"FUUUUUCCCKKKK," Mack said as he and everyone else was temporarily blinded,
. Then something surprising happened. The gunfire suddenly stopped.

"Good job Mack they are now laughing so hard they can't fire anymore," Jake said as he realized what had just happened. Then his eyes recovered from the flash and he said: "When did we get in a field?"

The rest of the squad began wondering the same thing as they too recovered. "What the fuck?" Tom said as he surveyed the area from his position on top of the Humvee.

"I don't think we are in Kansas any more boys," The Sarge said as he looked around.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Equestria, Canterlot Castle
11/26/1000

"I guess you all know why you are here," Princess Celestia said to the large delegation of ponies in her audience. "But if you don't Prince Shining Armour will brief you on the situation." She said as she sat down at the large round table in the conference room.

Shining Armour sat up from his seat at the table and cleared his throat, "Our many enemies and former allies have been building up troops on our borders between their respective country and the troops numbers are rising steadily, we have called all of you here to come up with a plan of action before it is too late." He then sat back down and Princess Celestia spoke again.

"So, does anypony have suggestions?" Celestia said as she looked across the room

On of the military officials raised a hoof, "Yes, Corporal Silent Hammer?" Clesetia said as the stallion raised his hoof. The pony with a gray mane, silver eyes and mane said: "I believe we should have some sort of conscription because as it is right now we have too many enemies that are going to be invading and not enough of us defending." Silent Hammer said as he lowered his hoof.

"Hmm, as much as I don't want to force any of my little ponies into service it is necessary so I will draft a new bill for that soon," Celestia said as she took out a scroll and quill and wrote down some things she will need to do after the meeting.

Then one of the scientists rose their hoof, this time it was a mare with red eyes and mane with a blue coat. "Yes, Blue Beaker?" Princess Celestia said looking at the mare.

"I believe you should increase funding for researching new weapons to use in wartime because if we can have a technological edge on our enemies the war can be won much faster.

"Yes, good Idea," Celestia said with a smile on her face as she wrote more on her list.

Then one of the more prominent ponies in the room who was wearing a uniform covered with ribbons rose their hoof. "Yes, General Hunker Down?" Celestia said as soon as the stallion's hoof went up.

"I believe we should establish an official Equestrian army for all of the ponies conscripted which would let use that army and make sure you keep the royal guard to just defend you." Hunker Down said to the princess.

Then as Celestia wrote down that she should do that as well a guard burst through the door sweating profusely. He was trying to talk and breath at the same time which made it hard to understand the guard. Celestia told the stallion "Wait, catch your breath first then tell us what you need to." The guard stopped trying to talk and caught his breath.

He said sounding exhausted "There is a situation in Ponyville, you need to see it for your self." The guard paused the started again "Also, bring Luna because the situation is something that requires both of your opinions on the matter."

Celestia said "Well, I am sorry to end this meeting short but I must go but don't worry I have some ideas of my own on what we should do so don't worry about having to resume this meeting later. Celestia then walked out of the room.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Unknown Location
11/26/1000

"Anyone else as confused as I am?" Jake said to everyone in the group, everyone else just nodded silently as they looked in awe at their surroundings.

"Where the fuck did the desert go?" Tom said as he looked across the field that they mysteriously have ended up in.

"Ok guys calm down, we just need to find a nearby village and get directions...... NOW GET IN THE DAMN HUMVEE." The sarge said as all the men got back in the Humvee with fearful looks on their faces

2 HOURS LATER

The 4 soldiers were back on the road again, they had passed a few signs saying "This Way To Ponyville" Jack thought it was weird at first but just thought it was the crazy people living in the area who worshiped ponies like Indians worship cows........ then he saw them. The Humvee stopped as the men stared at a medieval looking town with multicolored ponies walking about.

"Ok Tom the jokes up tell me what drugs you slipped into my canteen before the patrol," Jake said without his eyes leaving the town.

"Wasn't me man I see them too, how about you Sarge?" Tom said while looking at the Sergeant with a confused look still on his face.

The Sergeant didn't say a word as he stared dumbstruck at the town, Tom got the message and looked at Mike who was sitting the waving his hand in front of the sergeant while also staring at the town. "Well, I think everybody sees it a...." Tom began to say be then one of the ponies saw them and both sides paused for a second, then the pony screamed and ran.

"I think we need the get out of here, and very fast," Tom said.

"COME ON SARGE DRIVE!" Jake yelled from his seat as he shook the Sarge's shoulder trying to get him driving. It took a minute for Sarge to get back to his senses but by then the ponies were back but this time carrying pitchforks and torches and ready to scare off the monsters they believed would try to attack the town.

"Well we're screwed," Tom said as the mob of colorful ponies ran towards their vehicle.

Then the Sergeant put the pedal to the medal and went as fast as the Humvee would go, he didn't even bother turning he just drove right towards the mob without a care in the world about it or if not he would run them over. All of the ponies got out of the way as the Humvee just drove right through them. As Tome was aiming at the ponies ready to fire at them if they got too close, then he spotted a flying pony wearing golden armor going towards a huge mountain with a castle on the side of it.

"Woah," Tom said as he admired the beauty of the castle.

Author's Note

Comment and give some feedback on the story, it would help a ton! If I get enough feedback I'll make sure to get the next chapter out sooner.

Greetings

TOM P.O.V

I was now staring down at a white coated pony in golden armor threatening him with a spear. Oh shit I don't wanna die today I thought as me and the pony stared each other down. Wait I have a gun why the fuck should I be scared of this pony using weapons from the damned stone age I then though as I did a mental facepalm. Okay maybe I should explain how I got into this situation, Well when I looked at the pegasus in gold flying towards a big castle BUILT ON THE SIDE OF A FUCKING MOUNTAIN, I lost focus on what happened around me for a while as I went through the mindfuck that is figuring out how such a primitive looking society that still used gold armor could build something like that without some steel used as a good foundation for the massive structure. But by the time I got back to my senses, we were already out of that tiny town as the sergeant really wanted to get the hell out of there because oh I don't know A BUNCH OF TALKING FARM ANIMALS TRIED TO JUMP US. Then this huge golden chariot came out of nowhere with a whole squad of more ponies in armor which I guess are guards, the guards surrounded us brandishing spears, I didn't really think about how bad their weapons were as I was too busy thinking "Oh fuck I might die today." But while I thought that my good friend Jake was already laughing at them and screaming "YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE US WITH THOSE GOLD STICKS YOU CALL WEAPONS, Ill FUCKING FILL YOU WITH LEAD." as you could tell some of the guards backed the fuck off from him as they knew now that he might be crazy enough to actually do it. Mack was sitting next to his brother Jake and they were now back to back keeping their guns trained on their new threat. aaaaaaannnnd the sergeant had a calm look on his face but Tom could tell by looking into his eyes that he was thinking "oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, I'm outnumbered with three newbies as the only ones who can help me.... yep were screwed." and that's how we got here.

*****************

Celestia P.O.V

I got out of my carriage and looked at the scene unfolding in front of me. There were 4 monkey looking creatures in what looked like a big metal chariot but with nopony to drag it anywhere so how it moved, so how it worked was unknown to me. The 20 guards I brought with me were surrounding the 4 unknown creatures. I then began to analyze the situation, Okay so there are 4 creatures, one of the is screaming about filling the guards with lead. Mental note don't mess with him just yet. The screaming creature had another one of the creatures sat up against his back nodding slowly to the other's statement. The creature in the front of the metal carriage looked calm and collected so, Okay I'll talk with him he seems to be the reasonable one. Then there was the creature on top of the carriage, he had what she thinks was a weapon,
but this one was obviously the most powerful as it was the biggest one. But at least that one seemed calm as well but a little confused. I'll go talk to the one in the front.

"Hellooooooo!" I yelled as waving down the creature in the front of the vehicle. It seemed to get his attention as he then looked at her with a surprised look now plastered on his face. Haha priceless I'll have to tell Luna about his reaction later and have a good laugh with my sister.

"I just wanna talk!" I yell, the creature seems to get understand and gets out of the vehicle. He seems a little nervous now and walks up to me slowly. Half of my guard now stand behind me on the open grass plane ready to protect me if the creature tries any funny business. The creature who I believe to be a male because of his figure then confirms my suspicions and talks first by sticking out his appendage for what I think is a hoofshake and saying "Greetings, I am sergeant Jackson Bricks from the U.S Marine Corps. What is your name?"

I return the gesture and shake his appendage and speak "I am Princess Celestia and co-ruler of Equestria, my guard post in the town you just went through informed me of unknown creatures causing an uproar. Was that you by any chance?"

The creature lowered his appendage after the hoofshake and bowed, then said "I am so sorry me and my squad here have gotten lost and now have no idea where we are now, we were just surveying the area and the natives didn't react very well to seeing us and we high tailed it out of there as fast as we could."

I have a look of sympathy on my face and tell Jackson "I am terribly sorry for how my little ponies reacted, I don't know how hard it must be to just be thrown into a foreign land you've never been to before without knowing how to get back home, if there is no problem here other than an unwelcomed greeting then I will be happy to point you in the right direction back to your home." I then gave the man a smile while waiting for him to respond. Also the guards around me lowered their spears and the other creatures got out of the vehicle except for the one on top who I guessed was just staying there because it took to long to get back into that spot once he got out and he wanted to leave as fast as possible.

The sergeant replies with "Oh thank you I'll make sure to give a good word about you to my superiors for helping us, now we are supposed to be in a country called Syria." with a smile on his face.

I thought about it for a while but I have never heard of a country named "Syria" being located on any of our planet's continents. Then I told him "I'm sorry but I don't think I have ever heard of Syria are you sure that's the name of the country?"

He then frowned and told me that he was sure that was the name of the country. Then I asked him "What happened before you got lost, Sergeant?"

He then recounted their story of being attacked by a group of their enemies and being blinded by a flash, then just ending up on a random field of grass 2 hours away from the town they went through. Hmmm sounds like somepony has been messing with interdimensional travel if my studies on the subject are good enough to go by, but I banned those spells as the spells are random and uncontrollable and you don't know what might come from the other dimensions. UGGGGGGHHHHHH I now need to break it to them that I can't teleport them home not only because it would be illegal but also because the teleportation might not take them home but somewhere much different.

"I am so sorry gentlecolts but that sounds like the effect of an interdimensional travel spell and I cannot because those kinds of spells are illegal in there is no guarantee that they would send you home." The human that I told myself not to mess with then began to yell at me.

"FIRST OF ALL..... wait magic exists here? ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT IS ILLEGAL YOUR A PRINCESS, YOU LITERALLY ARE THE LAW CAN'T YOU JUST DO IT AND EVEN IF THERE IS NO GUARANTEE WHY DON'T YOU JUST MAKE IT GUARANTEED!" The crazed stallion said as he began to catch his breath from all the yelling.

I personally was taken aback, I haven't heard somepony else yell that loud. He was probably on par with Luna. Next, I was filled with rage. I had shown kindness and what did I get? Rage I told him why I couldn't send them home and they just tell me to do it anyway. Wait I shouldn't judge all of them for this, its obviously just that one and now I know I probably won't get along with him at all.

"I am sorry but if I could just break the law on a whim just because I am a princess it wouldn't be fair to my subjects. But I can make this better for you here and get you started on a new life, and I would try and get you set up in another country if you chose to but we don't have good relations with any other nations at the moment so you will have to make do in Equestria. So tell me what are you good at and I can help you get a job somewhere." I said to the three men and that caused the screaming one to calm down.

After a long silence the sergeant spoke up "Well.... we are soldiers and it sounds like you might have some problems with neighbors, we could give assistance if needed."

All of the guards around the erupted in laughter, "Haha you don't even have weapons or armor on you and you call yourselves soldiers!" one of the guards said while pointing at the sergeant.

Then the crazy creature (who I really need to get the name of) pointed what looked like a metal stick to the sky and pulled a trigger on it. All laughter stopped instantly, the guards stood in shock from the very loud noise that sounded like the creature just shot lightning. I, however, ignored the ringing noise in my ears and stood curiously about how the stallion just did that.

"Heh you call yourselves soldiers, your wearing gold fucking armor. Didn't anyone tell you that gold is the weakest fucking metal you could pick for armor. You would have been better off using iron or at least leather. Second of all why gold spears? Those will break like toothpicks in an actual fight. Its as if your country doesn't care about what you use because they don't need you anymore and you're just there to look pretty." The creature who just shot lightning said.

I was dumbfounded, but my guards got angry. The same guards that insulted them about not having any weapons said "Yeah! and what is that metal stick supposed to do? Just make loud noises? Also at least we have armor, you are just wearing clothes!"

"ENOUGH!" I said in my royal Canterlot voice. All eyes went on me and I said, "We will bring them to Canterlot, If they say they are soldiers then we will see if they are soldiers!"

***************

Jackson P.O.V

` Before we departed we all introduced ourselves so the princess could know our names. Now it's been two hours and all we have been doing is following train tracks toward the city on the side of the mountain named "Canterlot" and we also learned the town we went through is called "Ponyville" Jesus fucking Christ I can't take all of these horse puns. Whats next "Trottingham?" Wait I just asked Celestia about it and said that Trottingham is a real town and to stop making fun of the names of her cities. I'm done, I am fucking done. Also me, Tom, Jake, and Mack have been talking about our situation and how we can't get home. Tom is being sensible and is saying that we should just take a job as soldiers or mercenaries, he has noticed the fact that no one has even seen a gun before in these lands and he believes the ponies would pay a good price to get us on their side with our superior technology. Jake, on the other hand has completely lost it. He has been telling us that we should put a gun to the princess's head and tell her to send us back. I and Tom just told him how retarded that sounds because even if they don't have guns, the princess has a weapon that she could use to impale us strapped on to her head and they obviously have many many more ponies ready to die for her. He then thought about it and realized that they could just kill us because we would be outnumbered.

Finally after talking everything over me and Tom convinced everyone to just accept our situation as there would be no use moping about it. When we were done we were at the city gates and could see the beautiful architecture.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from a capital." I said with Tom and Mack nodding in silent agreement while Jake was still a little upset about not being able to go home and saying things like "I didn't sign up for this shit." and "at least I don't' need to learn a new language."

The ponies on the street parted to each side of the street and watched us as we drove towards the castle in our Humvee while we were following the Princesses chariot. Some looked at us with curiosity and others looked at us with fear. We looked at them with some curiosity as well but Jake looked at them with an annoyed look on his face. Even if the ponies had never seen a human before they could tell that something was up with him and avoided eye contact.

When we finally reached the castle and entered the courtyard I was relieved. I got nervous after a while with so many recently unknown creatures staring at me as I drove the Humvee through the streets of Canterlot. We got our gear and exited the Humvee. Celestia led us through the courtyard to a big open area with what I think was a barracks in one corner. It was made with the same materials as the rest of the castle and was three stories tall. I was thinking Wow they really must not have many soldiers I asked Celestia about it and she told me that she had many more barracks across the country as the threat level for foreign invasion is high at the moment and they can't afford to keep most of the royal guard in Canterlot. Then we stopped at a firing range and I told Celestia that if she wants to know what we can do this is that place to do it. She said okay and me, Jake, Mack, and Tom got into a firing line in front of targets that were a bit close but I didn't care.

"Okay men anyone who misses with targets this close are going to be the one to sit down with the ponies and answer the hundreds of questions they may have while the rest of us take in the scenery!" I yell to them while taking aim and the others do the same.

Author's Note

Hey guys, sorry it took me a while to write this, a ton of schoolwork thrown my way and haven't been able to get back to writing but I'm back now and I hope you enjoy! :twilightblush: