Whose Cafe Is It Anyways?

“Sluuurp.” Sketchy gave a slow and deep sip from her styrofoam cup of coffee, sitting upon a uncomfy metallic chair within the Ponyville Town Hall.

A old and severely grumpy stallion stood behind a old oak podium, dressed in a fine silk cloak with a brand new wizard hat adorned in golden bells across the rim. His cold pale blue eyes glaring to the lone mare in the room, had the search for knowledge really declined as much during just a thousand years?

“Where on earth is everypony!?” His gruff voice boomed across the room leaving a echo behind.

“Wow! It’s only me here gramps! No need to scream.” Sketchy did a shake of the head, popping her ears softly to stop the ringing.

“I host a lecture on the evolution of magic in our world and this is all that shows?!”

“Maybe they find you boring?” Sketchy gave a sip from her small cup.

“Then why have you shown up!?” The wizard gave a shrill hiss across the room.

“I only came because of my friend Melody, now that she’s a no show I feel regret.”

“Then leave me be! Alone with my thoughts on how the world has plummeted!” His words fell broken and saddened.

“I would! But a Mcguffin is terrorizing outside…” The mare gave a soft shrug.

“What in the blazes is a Mcguffin?”

“You know a weird creature like that Bumble Bear or The Phantom Shark! It is a creature like those, all we know is it didn’t exist canonically until like just now, to help push along the plot.” Sketchy gave a quick eye shuffle side to side.

“So nopony is here because the town is being destroyed?”

“Pretty much.”

A odd silence began to fill the room, the only sound echoing about was that of coffee being sipped. The stallion grumbled something under his breath, noticeably gaining anger as time passed.

“So. I have a question about limbo?” Sketchy gave a sweet smack of the lips.

“Hmmm. Go on?” The cranky stallion gave an eye roll, doubting this mare had anything intriguing to say.

“So if you and those ponies were stuck in limbo for all that time, like how did you eat,sleep and you know “Nature Calls.” “ Sketchy slowly let her eyes narrow.

“Time in the void did not pass as it did here, it was a place between worlds and beyond time!”

“So you ponies just kind of stopped existing?” Sketchy scrunched her muzzle softly confused.

“We existed just not in this world.”

“But we all remembered you being gone! I failed a test about you in school!” Sketchy spoke in a even more confused tone.

“Where I was did not exist! So normal attributes of health did not apply!”

“But you just said you existed…”

“Yes! We existed in a world that was not existent.”

“...”

“....” Starswirl gave a blank stare in silence.

“Sooo. You all basically made non-existent poops for a millennia or so?” Sketchy spoke up her mind twirling with paradoxes.

“Sure why not!?”

Silence was filling the air once more, Sketchy popped her lips in a rhythmic tune as she glanced outside a nearby window. Outside the mane six were held tightly in the clutches of a dreaded Octapuss, a small kitten riding a giant octopus held with mind control.

“I have another question.”

“It’s not about limbo is it?” Starswirl gave a stern growl.

“No. I was just curious about how you felt about destroying Equestria’s cultural heritage.” Sketchy spoke up with a raised brow.

“I...what?” Starswirl spoke in a large state of confusion.

“Well yeah. Like eighty-five percent of our cultural heritage was based off the legacy, you and the legends built.” Sketchy slowly sipped from her cup lacklusterly.

“Uhhh?”

“I mean our pride was built upon the foundation of your deaths and sacrifice, with you all like alive we’re just celebrating ponies who sat in a empty space for like a thousand years doing nothing.”

“We kept an ancient evil from destroying the world!”

“Yeah! That you ended up just talking out of doing so, in like what five minutes?” Sketchy rolled her eyes in place.

“...”

“Not even you did that, Twilight did so and in turn learned a valuable lesson, just adding to her immense friendship powers.” The mare gave a sassy flip of her mane, the stallion covering his eyes in defeat with his hoof.

“Grrr! The Power Of Friendship lass, is just a foolish support tactic it merits no power source at all!” The stallion gave a loud slam of his right hoof atop the podium, his voice echoing loudly around the room.

“No. It has a power source! Like strong enough to level a city.”

“What!?” He spoke in utter disbelief to the mare before him.

“Yeah! Twilight like glows really bright and levitates in the air.” The mare spoke so seriously in her seat, never batting a single lash.

“She breaks the laws of gravity!?”

“Mmhmm. Her eyes then go white as if she collected all the chaos emeralds and she will start to shoot rainbow lasers everywhere.”

“...”

“...” Sketchy locked her eyes with the stallion.

“...”

“....” The mare slowly lift her cup to her lips.

“...”

“....Slurrrp.” The mare drank from deep within the cold coffee.

“...”

“I have another question.” Sketchy slowly lift her right hoof to be called upon.

“I feared as much.” Starswirl gave a loud groan, his headache now at its peak.

“Twilight became an Alicorn by finishing one of your spells.” Sketchy spoke her sweet voice wafting across the empty room.

“That’s news to me.”

“Well I was just wondering. If it was you who completed the spell, would you have like become the first male alicorn?” The mare gently looked down to her reflection cast in the cup of coffee.

“...”

“Or like would you have transformed into a female and become one?” The mare slowly lift her head, eyes locking on the stallion so seriously.

“OUT!” The wizard had enough of this nonsense, his large hoof pointing towards the door.

“But…” The small pegasus gave a cute sputter as the stallion glared daggers at her.

“I said out!” He gave a loud stern hiss, the mare rolling her eyes and cantering to the front door.

“Whatever fine! You were boring anyways!” The mare slowly flung open the door, her muzzle lifting high into the air.

To her surprise a long slimy purple tentacle swiftly started to wrap around her midriff, lifting her high into the air as she gave a loud whimper in horror.

“Oh Dear Luna! I forgot about The Octapuss! Nooooooo!” The mare was then brought outside to the screams of ponies all around.

“I wish I stayed in limbo.” Starswirl gave a large sigh and slumped against his podium in utter defeat.