A lavender unicorn with an indigo mane and tail, each with a pink and purple streak running through them, and an image of a pink star surrounded by five smaller white stars on its flank read from a book with a musty, old brown cover, yellow paper, and the title: Evocations.
…
Dear Princess Celestia: I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Ahem…I didn’t learn anything! I was right all along!
“Yeah, you bet you were.” I said. I paused the video on my laptop and looked around to see that I was completely alone in my room. “I gotta stop talking to myself like that.”
Okay, let’s get this over with, I’m a brony. But, I’m not as big a fan of the show as some others are. It’s not that I don’t find the show as appealing as other bronies, it’s just that I’m not OBSESSED with it like other bronies.
And you should know which show I’m referring to; otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this.
Now, I suppose I should tell you a bit more about my personal self. My name is Karl Evans; I recently reached the age of 21 (That’s right, I’m allowed to drink now. Don’t worry I won’t do it while I drive…often.), and I am a nerd. Not the stereotypical kind, mind you. I don’t wear glasses, or have an acne filled face, or unbelievable knowledge and great grades. I am however a scrawny whimp with an odd indulgence in cartoons (right now filling my present craving for a certain little girls show on ponies).
Nothing like watching an episode from a well devised TV show which has entertaining characters, great comedy, and lessons that actually treat the audience with…you stop caring a while ago, didn’t you?
Ah well, my story, my rules. Well at the time, my battery life was getting low, so I had to shut down my laptop and plugged it in. It was still only 2:16 P.M., can’t use the TV with by brother playing MLB (poor, insane fool), and my parents are still out shopping. Wonder what Will’s doing.
…
Evocations were initially designed by unicorns back in the year 560 E.R. as a means of combat against the Griffin Empire’s advanced brutality and higher military training. Evocations, or summons, when done properly, would enable a unicorn to conjure up one or more creatures to assist in battle. This includes, but is not limited to: dragons, hydras, chimeras, spirits, parasprites, and sea serpents. Upon casting the evocation, the creature would then engage whatever it felt threatened by. Often this would result in the caster to be attacked should the creature feel more threatened of hi/herm than of their enemies. As such, precautions would be heavily taken for such a threat. After the Equestrian-Griffin War, the spell fell into disuse as a lack for such violence. Some, however, have refined the spell to allow easier access to study the creature that was called forth. For instructions on the performance of a specific evocation, please check the index for pages on different species.
The unicorn, after rereading and re-rereading and re-re-rereading the history of evocations, checked the index for the desired creature. The spell seemed simple enough, but best prepare several defense spells. After all, nopony has seen such a creature in ages. No telling how dangerous these beasts have become over time.
…
I had told my brother of my plan and left a note for my parents (I wouldn’t trust my brother to remember to tell them). I threw on my favorite jacket and was out the door.
I took a deep inhale and sighed. “Nothing like a warm summer day to brighten your mood.” I said. Dang it, I did it again! Aw well.
Hanging with Will was always cool. He reminded me of Derpy in some ways (some GOOD ways, mind you). Outside of the crossed-eyes and slow speech, Will was always fun to talk with. Whether he was giving thought worthy comments or hilarious jokes, he always had my attention. Hmm…I wonder, if he’s like Derpy, does that mean I’m like Carrot Top? Hmm…
Well, I don’t really remember what happened next, but what I do remember is that my vision blurred, my head span, and I blacked out. How cliché.
…
When I awoke, I had THE WORST headache in my life and I felt really numb. Thankfully the headache seemed to die down quickly. As I took in my surroundings, I saw lots and lots of dark. Nothing was lit, save for the single light fixture above me, which I starred up at for some strange reason. While I was killing my eyes, feeling began to return to me, as it did, I felt something gripping my wrists. I looked down at them to see shackles holding them in place in front of me. Now that was startling enough, but then I realized there was something on my head. Shocked was a flimsy way of describing how I felt at that moment. There was numerous things going through my head to describe what was going on: dreaming, terrorists, government conspiracty, or-
“I’ve been abducted by ALIENS!” I shouted loudly (mostly on ‘aliens’ hence the caps) and began to struggle with my restraints.
“Sir, please stay calm. I don’t want you hurting yourself or my equipment.”
That got me to freeze. Who or whatever had me captive was still there. IN. THE. DARKNESS. Again with the clichés. I didn’t know what to do, but for some reason complied with the voice.
“Hmm…your vitals seem normal, I think…hard to tell when I’ve never seen a human before.”
“So you ARE and alien?”
“Well…yes.”
“Let me out!”
“Now sir, I just want you to remain calm and answer some questions, that’s all.”
“Yeah, that’s what the aliens always say before the probe and/or dissect you for science. JUST LET ME GO YOU F***ING A*****!”
I heard a gasp before the voice spoke again. “I can understand if you’re confused or scared, but I will not tolerate such profanity.”
“Tolerate my-“ I stopped myself there and thought things over. It would be unwise to upset an alien. For all I know, it could torture me in ways to within an inch of my life and suck my brains out for the desired info. I took a deep breath and gave a sigh. Best to comply and make it easy on myself. “Alright, what do you want to know?”
“Excellent, thank you for your cooperation. Now, I’d like to know your name.”
“Karl Evans.”
“Nice to meet you Mr. Evans, or would you prefer Karl?”
“Uh…Karl’s fine.”
“Well Karl, allow me to introduce myself.”
The room was filled with clopping sounds as a figure appeared in front of me. My eyes widened at what I saw. Standing before me was a lavender UNICORN with…you know what, just go reread the first sentence to know what I’m looking at. IT WAS A PONY! A F***ING MY LITTLE PONY! As I starred there slack jawed, the pony continued.
“My name is Dusk Shine, and I would like to welcome you to Equestria.” said the pony with some pride in his voice. What I did next is what any human, brony or otherwise, would do in this situation.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
…
A/N: How come no one ever thought of this idea before? Yes folks, the Human in Equestria story meets On a Cross and Arrow. And if you don’t know what that is, I will hunt you down and murder you myself.