Pinkie Gets Fired

by ParaNomaly

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Random
Length: 2189

Pinkie Pie gets fired by Hasbro. It goes as well as you'd expect.

Pinkamena Diane Pie had worked at Hasbro for seven years, ever since Brian Goldner himself personally ripped the fabric of dimensions and turned the whole of Equestria into a TV show.

That is, before she got fired.

Story commissioned by Wacky.

Published 2017-12-15 12:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-15 12:00:06 UTC

In Which the Pink Gets the Boot

In a small, quaint little town called Ponyville, birds chirped as they flew above the rooftops of the hatch houses and Ponies mingled about. Going to and fro throughout the dirt roads that populated the space between the buildings.

In the small ocean of buildings within the town, one stood out from the rest with its uniqueness. It resembled a gingerbread house. Ponies went in and out of it at a moderate rate.

This was the home of Pinkie Pie. One of the main stars of the show that spanned Equestria.

Pinkie Pie was currently home taking care of her pet alligator after a long day of work. Well, taking care of is a bit of an overstatement. As she was currently shoving her entire head into its mouth and looking around inside.

“Ooh! I think I see a tooth coming out! Oh, I'm so proud of you!” She pulled her head back, which was covered in saliva, and picked the helpless Alligator up, who looked at her with a face of complete emptiness.

“I am soooo happy for you! You're gonna grow up to be big and strong! Yes you are, yes you are!” She bobbed him up and down in excitement, causing its pupils to move around randomly within its confined space. As if they were googly eyes.

She hugged the reptile tightly to her chest as it made a squeaky sound, similar to that of a chew toy, before setting it down on the floor of her room and stood up, smiling brightly.

“Whew! Today's been wayyy too exhausting, Gummy! First, I had to film this really long scene about getting captured by those bug Pony things! Changelings, I think they were called. It was sooo boring! I had to lay in this icky cocoon for like, hours! Can you imagine that? And it was filled with this weird green goo that just-” Pinkie’s rapid-fire talking was rudely interrupted when her roof suddenly exploded and showered them both with brightly colored pieces of wood. Before she had time to process the event, a twin pair of ropes fell down from the newly created sky ceiling and from it descended two Humans.

They landed directly on top of the small Alligator, which produced a loud squeaky sound as it seemed to literally deflate under a large boot.

Pinkie Pie gasped as her gaze shifted upwards and met the eyes of the two Intruders. She immediately recognized them both.

It was none other than the famous Hasbro president, John Frascotti, and his trusty sidekick, Brian Goldner. John's luxurious brown hair and shining receding hairline nearly blinded Pinkie Pie as the sun came through the hole and hit it.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie, we need to have a talk.” Frascotti’s voice boomed throughout the room, its magnificence shaking the the building ever so slightly.

“Yes, what he said.” Brian, the less significant of the two, stood tall and proud behind John. His winning smile giving off a glint near his front teeth.

Pinkie Pie stared up at the two with wide eyes as she took a step back. She almost couldn't believe it. What were the President and the CEO of Hasbro doing in her room?

Suddenly, an idea came to her head. Her shocked expression suddenly regained its usual cheerful smile as her attitude changed back to her erratic self.

“Oooh! It's you guys! Are you here to finally accept my episode pitch about going on an epic adventure to find Candy Island?! Oh, I knew you'd say yes! I just knew it! I've been sending you guys letter after letter, but you never seem to respond to me! But that's totally fine, I understand you must be really busy with filming the show and stuff! Like how you're recruiting that scary looking mare with no horn for the movie! Oh, that's gonna be sooo fun to film and-” Pinkie's ongoing dialogue was cut short as Frascotti reached into his personal pocket dimension and ripped her line from the script. Leaving Pinkie Pie to stare at them with her mouth open, but unmoving.

“That is not why we are here for. You see, there's been some budget relocating and we've come to discuss your current standing.” He flashed his majestic smile that had won over the Princesses when he first arrived and proposed the filming of the show. Needless to say, the effects were immediate. They granted him and his company the rights the day later, and the rest was history.

Pinkie Pie quickly recovered as she shut her mouth, and reopened it a second later.

“Wait… I see what this is…” She lowered her head and looked towards the ground, hiding her expression.

Brian looked at John and nodded, who replied in turn.
“It looks like you've already figured out why we're here, you see-” Frascotti began, but he was cut off by Pinkie Pie, who suddenly raised her head. Her eyes let out a shine and her smile almost reached her ears. It would have been disturbing to anyone else, but not to Goldner and Frascotti. They've been hardened by the years of corrupt business and internet hate. They were immune.

“I’m finally getting that promotion I've been asking for too! Oh, this day can not get any better! It really can't! Thank you soooooo much! Let's head over to your place and talk business!” Pinkie Pie bounced in excitement as she grabbed the edges of the screen and shoved it abruptly to the side.

In an instant, they were half a multiverse away from Equestria, inside Goldner’s office in Pawtucket, Rhode Island.

Frascotti was thrown off by this. He was no stranger to dimensional travel, but he did not expect Pinkie to be able to pull off what she just did. Regardless, that wasn't why he came to her, so he shrugged it off.

Goldner seemed indifferent. He was used to seeing what the pink mare could do. His surprise had worn off the first dozen times.

Pinkie Pie hopped over to a seat in front of Brian's desk and could barely contain her excitement over the whole ordeal. She could hardly believe it, they were actually giving her a promotion! She felt like she was going to explode any second now.

Frascotti cleared his throat and straightened out his time. His gaze shifted towards the mare as she took a seat. Deciding to at least be somewhat formal, he walked over to Goldner's pure gold seat and sat down, much to Golden's silent protests and cries of agony at seeing his magnificent chair being used by someone else.

“So, how much are we talking about?! Maybe double like I asked in the letter?! But I totally understand if you feel like that's too much. But you guys are selling like crazy! So I think it's f-” She was cut short by John as he raised his hand and shook his head.

“Pinkamena Diane Pie, you're fired.”

Before he even had the time to say his full sentence, Pinkie had already imploded like a balloon. Bits and pieces of it were scattered around the room like cheap plastic, and her mouth had traveled all the way onto Brian's stunning hair.

Silence filled the room as Pinkie's brain tried to comprehend what she had just heard. Well, it was probably because she was quite literally in pieces all over the room, but that's not important.

What's important right now is that Pinkie Pie had just been fired. Her! She was a part of the main cast, and with the sales for the toys skyrocketing, the thought of getting fired had never even crossed her mind for a second. Sure, she had her doubts during the first season. But they were already at the end of season six for crying out loud!

“B… But… Why?” She whispered, was her lips quivered on top of Goldner's head. Who was clearly disturbed by the talking mouth on his hair. He reached up with his hand and grabbed it by the corner, before throwing it onto the seat where Pinkie Pie had been sitting on.

Her pieces slowly began to drift together all Iron Giant style before she molded herself back together in under fifteen seconds. Her expression was one of confusion and sadness, her normal puffy hair now reduced to a normal, straight one.

“Simple, miss Diane. The budget demands it. It's out of my control.” Frascotti stated as he leaned back in the chair nonchalantly as if what he just did was no big deal.

“But… You can't fire me! I'm part of the main six!”

“Mane.” Brian corrected.

“Mane six!” She croaked as she leaned forward and put the hooves on the edge of the desk.

“We’ve already found a replacement for you. You don't have to worry about your position not being filled. I assure you that the person we've assigned to it will do it justice.” John clarified as he played absentmindedly with a diamond encrusted pen. His face could be seen in the form of stickers dotting the small surface of the said pen.

“Nopony can fill my position! I do it perfectly! Everypony likes me!” She reasoned as her lip quivered harder, her eyes threatening to let down a waterfall of tears.

“Exactly, nopony. But the one we hired is no pony.” John nodded to Brian, who walked over to a painting on the wall and removed it, revealing a large, pink button.

“Wait… You mean, you didn't hire a pony?” She tilted her head in confusion, her emotional outburst momentarily forgotten.

“Nope. I'm sure you haven't heard of him, but trust me, he is as every bit as capable as you. Maybe even more.” He waved his hand in the air, motioning for Brian to press the button. Which he did.

Pinkie Pie waited with a knot in her stomach and her breath caught in her throat as she carefully looked around the room, even more confused as to what the button was supposed to do exactly.

“Um… Is something supposed to happen?” She looked back at Frascotti, who had a smile on his face.

“It already has, Diane. You see, we've prepared for the eventuality of having to replace or fire some of the more known and important figures in the show if there ever was a situation that called for it. And thus, here we are now.” With both of his hands, he gestured to the room around him to prove his point.

“We've replaced Ponies all throughout the show, but no one ever notices. It's more or less a common thing.” Brian shrugged as he put the painting back on the wall and stepped away from it casually.

Pinkie looked down and closed her eyes. This was not how she expected her day to go at all. Now she was out of a job. Well, the corner was still technically her job, but it wasn't nearly as fun and adventurous.

“What now?” She asked bitterly, her head not raising to meet the eyes of the two men who had just fired her.

“Now, you return to your home and pretend this never happened. You'll still be allowed backstage to watch the episodes being made, you just won't take part in them.” Frascotti responded.

Pinkie raised her head slightly and looked into the eyes of the President of Hasbro. She wasn't sure what to say after that moment, but she wasn't going to take this lying down. She would find a way to get back into the show, whatever the cost!

“...Who is it?” She said after a minute or so of silence, to which Frascotti smirked and straightened himself out.

“Tell me, have you ever heard of WWE?”

Back in Equestria, Princess Twilight paced around the map room of her castle.

She had tried calling Pinkie Pie numerous times now, and Rainbow Dash had found the Sugarcube Corner empty when she went to investigate. She said she only found a hole in the ceiling, and Pinkie's pet Gummy squished against the floor with a large boot print on its back.

“Where is she? We have to film the last scene before we call it a wrap! Ugh. I need an aspirin.” She muttered as she sat down on the floor and rubbed her forehead.

Her ears suddenly rotated to face the large door as music began to play. It echoed throughout the halls and rooms of the castle as it approached her location.

" I am a real American…”

She furrowed her brow as her head turned to face the source of the music.

"Fight for the rights of every man…”

Twilight slowly got up as her horn began to glow with a purple aura. The door was involved in it as she trotted towards it and slowly open.

" I am a real American… Fight for what's right...”

Once the door fully opened, her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates in response to what was on the other side.

"FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!”

Author's Note