Spike and Twilight... find a Porno?

by Arbarano

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5897

Shameless spin-off from Fluffershy.

Let's see. Gems? Check. Popcorn? Check. Twilight having a massive project that will keep her busy for hours? Check!

It looks like Spike is finally going to be able to give the library's dusty old television set some good use, what with the crate of old cartoons that came with it. But what's this? Why is Fluttershy on the cover of this one? And why does she have that look in her eyes...?

Shameless rip-off of Fluffershy, that, fortunately, comes with the blessing of Friendly Uncle.

Published 2012-07-20 19:24:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-20 19:24:03 UTC

The Finding of Said Potentially Pornographic Materials by Twilight Sparkle and Spike

“Okay… is it going to be all right if I place it… here?”

“Yeah, that’ll be fine, Twilight.”

Twilight smiled as the television finally rolled into the corner on its trolley.

It’s amazing what you can find if you just look hard enough, she mused. To be fair, though, it was also amazing that she hadn’t looked in that little room in the basement before, but successive adventures with her friends, reports to the Princess, attempts to find a coherent system to re-shelve the main library area into, and study binges until she couldn’t keep herself awake any longer did tend to push “Checking out what’s behind that door” further down her master checklist.

Even so, to find a television, complete with a video player and a whole cache of cassettes, made her jump back a little in surprise. But, once she considered it, she supposed it wasn’t that bizarre a thing to find in a public library. This was, under all the gem-crumbs and specks of residue from her less-successful experiments, the main centre of learning in town besides the schoolhouse, and a lot of the tapes were of educational material.

That pristine copy of Maddening Magic for Master Mages, especially, had been a swift addition to her list of viewing. The list of one.

It wasn’t a list that had any crossover with Spike’s.

“Thanks for helping me out with all this, Twilight.”

“Oh, it’s no problem, Spike,” she replied, giving the screen one last dusting until she could see a reflection in it. Behind her, Twilight spotted Spike carrying another bowl of crushed gems to the side of the sofa he had claimed, hugging it with the biggest smile on his face. Twilight bit her lips, just containing her laughs, as Spike took a step back and stood, claws on hips and with his head high, like he had just finished one of the enormous statues of the Princesses in Canterlot.

Then he practically skipped over to the box of tapes, and plunged his claws in for a deep rummage.

“I still can’t believe they left all this stuff here for us, Twilight!” he cried, still grinning as though he’d been told that all dragons were getting a free lifetime’s supply of fresh emeralds.

“Well…” Twilight rolled her eyes as she turned back to him. “These are technically the town’s videos, Spike. See those little labels on the spines?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Spike waved his claw, still not taking his eyes off his new treasure. “That doesn’t mean I can’t watch them, though… right!?” he added, sheepishness breaking through what had been a confident grin.

Twilight smiled. “Of course you can.” Then she grinned mischievously. Or so she hoped. “As long as you aren’t late getting them back.”

Spike stared at her for a moment, and she knew at once that she had needed that extra hour in that book of humour. “Sheesh, Twilight,” he mumbled, not realising she could hear.

Her insides tightened, questions racing through her mind. Hadn’t she been clear enough in making sure he knew she was joking? Had she needed to make her grin more obvious? Was it a tone thing?

“I thought my jokes were bad.”

She rolled her eyes again, this time coupling it with a momentary scowl that Spike must have noticed.

“Uh… would this be a bad time to say that I invited somepony over?” asked Spike, pressing his claws together, and looking up at Twilight with what she called his “best behaviour” smile. She could practically see the little beads of hope in those eyes of his.

She wondered why she was still scowling, before letting it fade as she answered. “That would depend on who it is, Spike.”

Instantly, her mind was filled with images of a whirlwind of terror, the kind that, one day, mothers would say was behind closed doors and in locked chests to keep their foals from peeking inside. The kind that could ruin a whole day of re-shelving and organisation before they had even finished their clarion call. The kind that would see the television and immediately decide that taking it to pieces would be the best way to spend an afternoon, whether systematically or through sheer bad luck. The kind that would do all of it wearing the sweetest, most innocent smiles, and came in varieties of white, orange and yellow.

“Twi, remember what I’m going to be watching?” He fished out a case from the box, before holding it aloft like some kind of trophy. The cover wasn’t exactly a work of art, but looked exciting enough for its intended audience of school-age foals, with a brown pegasus standing triumphantly atop what must be the cleanest rooftop in Manehattan.

Twilight smiled. “Rainbow Dash.”

“Yep!” Spike put the case back down, much more carefully than he did with any book, Twilight noticed. “We were talking about the new Daring Do movie and whether or not they’d be bringing it to Ponyville, ‘cause I’m pretty sure there isn’t a theatre around here, and I let slip that we’d found all these episodes of the cartoon.” Spike let out an amused snort, and shook his head. “You can guess what she did next.”

“Well, it would certainly explain all those rainbows over Ponyville last Friday,” she said, fondly smiling. “But to answer your question: no, it’s not a bad time.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you really think I’d have a problem with one of my friends coming over?”

Spike twiddled his fingers together, chuckling sheepishly. “Uh… So when’s the TV gonna’ be ready, anyhow?” he asked, his usual smile returning to cover the weak one. “Rainbow’s probably going to be here in about half an hour.”

“Hold on…” Twilight squinted at the other thing that had been in that tiny room. A great, lumbering metal box, painted in a shade of orange that Rarity would probably had labelled “hideous” and “not fit for pony eyes!”. Twilight had to admit that, even to her limited knowledge of colours and harmonies, it really looked conspicuous.

Still, there weren’t any other solutions for powering electronics in a library carved into the inside of a tree.

“‘Portable Magical Energy Converter,’” she read off the side of it. “‘Suits most homes and small businesses. Unit charges when magical energy is focused on green antenna’…”

She quickly found the stalk, but had to give it a dusting to make sure it really was green. “… ‘A full charge should take no more than thirty minutes’…” Well. Not that she liked the blow her own trumpet, or holes through her own roof, but she reckoned there was some time to be made up there. “… ‘and can last for up to six hours.’”

“So by the time she’s here, right?”

“It appears so, Spike.”

“Got it!”

Twilight chuckled as Spike punched the air, before turning back to concentrate on the antenna. Barely even having to think, she lit her horn, and willed her magic to reach over to the little stalk. Within moments, a little needle below the instructions began to rise off its stop.

Well, that’s not so difficult. It did feel strange, though, like somepony was sucking on the tip of her horn through a straw…

“Twilight?”

Her eyes shot wide, realising what she had just thought. Please don’t let him ask what I think he’s going to…

“Do you mind if I start getting the tapes out now? I mean, it’s not going to be breaking your concentration, right?”

Twilight grinned, but inside she was letting out a massive sigh of relief. “Do you really think that you making the occasional little clatter is going to do that, Spike?”

Again, that confident veneer peeled away into a sheepish look, and Spike chuckled. Weakly. “I guess not…”

“Knock yourself out, then,” said Twilight, turning back to the converter, only to have the magic shocked out of her as a pair of scaly little arms squeezed her forelegs together.

She looked down, and her eyes nearly popped out. There was Spike, smiling as softly as he did when he dreamt of Rarity, gently rubbing his face against her legs.

Was he… nuzzling her? Since when did Spike do that?

“Thanks, Twilight,” he said, pulling away. “I really appreciate you letting me have the whole day off… You didn’t have to do that.” He twisted one of his feet against the floor, chin pointed down sweetly, but he was fixing her with those big, soft eyes that she was sure he knew just made her heart melt.

She was sure her eyes were doing the same. Why else would they feel so hot and wet?

“Aw… Spike…” She could only hope her smile was as warm and loving as she meant it to be. “It’s not a problem. You really deserve a day off.”

She reached over and pulled him back into a hug, this time making sure that both of them savoured it. Rubbing a hoof down his back, she suddenly became aware of the damp spot on her cheek.

Okay, Twilight, that’s enough! She was supposed to be the big, rational sister, wasn’t she? She wasn’t supposed to be getting over-emotional and teary-eyed! This was just a nice thing that she was letting Spike do. A nice, long-overdue thing.

“Now you go and enjoy yourself, Spike. I’ll have this charged before you know it.”

She kept smiling as Spike virtually skipped back to the box.

Wait. Sister…

She sighed. Maybe Spike was more like a brother than she thought…

“Let’s see, we got Daring Do Sets Off…”

It certainly wasn’t much of a stretch to see it that way, sometimes.

“… Daring Do’s Adventures in Maredras…”

She could remember back during the Great Dragon Migration, and feeling that deep, longing ache in the middle of her stomach, that only went away when Spike was safe again at her side. And there was the terror that had stabbed her like innumerable little icy needles when he ran away that one time.

“… Daring Do all over Down Under…”

And then there were the times when he’d tried to help her: when they first came to Ponyville; when she was throwing what she later discovered to be far too big of a fit over a late friendship report; when she was losing sleep over that silly ‘Future Twilight’ incident…

“… Daring Do does Dockas…”

And there were the times when he annoyed her, too. Hadn’t she said that she could concentrate as he looked through the tapes? Not as he named them?

“Uh… ‘Madame Buttercup’s Reform School’?”

Oh well, she supposed that it didn’t really matter. After all, he was getting a well-deserved break, and she was going to have a full day to make a start on that report into the reading habits of Ponyvillians for The Mayor.

“… ‘Only the naughtiest and meanest little colts and fillies are sent to Madame Buttercup’s Reform School. Today, our favourite headmistress will teach these delinquents a lesson they will never forget.’…”

Twilight’s magic stopped with a faint pop.

“What?!”

She whipped around, and her eyes landed on Spike, who stood there with his mouth open, looking dozily at the back of one of the cassette cases.

A cassette which sounded as though it did not belong in a place of learning.

“Spike?”

He jumped, and fumbled the video with arms swinging around, but somehow managed to catch it and hug it close. Twilight held back her scowl; she had almost got a chance to use her telekinesis, there.

She kept her tone level, not wanting to panic Spike any further than she could guess he was from his darting eyes. “Spike? Is something wrong?”

He gulped, tightening his grip. Between his claws, she could just about make out a little label in the very corner of the front cover. “Over Three Hours of Fun.”

“Spike.” That came out much harsher than she wanted it, and she softened her voice for her next words. “Is there something you’re not telling me about that video?”

Now he was refusing to even look at her in the eye. Dear Celestia. This was supposed to be the day when she let Spike have fun and be happy. Her whole schedule was being thrown out of alignment!

“Spike…” she continued, hoping her voice sounded even gentler, “you’re not in trouble, you know. I just need to know if I should get rid—”

“It’s Fluttershy.”

Twilight fixed him with a stare. “Fluttershy? In a video?”

Spike nodded.

“Fluttershy… as in… our friend, Fluttershy? As in the pony who was so nervous on stage in Canterlot that was could barely talk her into performing in the Hearth’s Warming Eve Pageant, Fluttershy?”

He nodded again, this time with an added grunt.

Well… that was…

Had she really thought something so… lewd would be in a library? Especially in a bin full of tapes that little foals would have access to? Sometimes, she really did study for too long into the night, as scary as that thought sounded, what with her impending report sitting on the desk in her bedroom, the parchment just itching for her quill to be put to it.

But that didn’t matter now; she could trust Spike. And if he said that Fluttershy was in this video, then there was no way it would be rated anything higher than “parental guidance”. Hay, even that could possibly be a stretch for her. Twilight could just imagine the sort of squeak, and how many teeth would be put on edge by it in the immediate vicinity, if Fluttershy were to even be asked to say a word like “damn”. She wasn’t even quite sure if Fluttershy would have heard of such… pornographic materials; sure, the only books that Fluttershy checked out from the library that weren’t to do with animals were romance novels, but the type she preferred were mushy blobs of literature that barely even hinted at intimacy. She was sweet. She was innocent. She was…

“Here,” said Spike, finally holding out the case, “see for yourself.”

… wearing a very high-cut dress that definitely intended to draw Twilight’s eyes to her rump.

Twilight stared. No…

The Fluttershy she knew would never wear all-grey business dresses, that managed to simultaneously look ruthlessly severe and show off far too much of her cutie mark to even be called a dress. The Fluttershy she knew would never feel safe without having the option of hiding behind her mane, and allow it to be pulled into a bun. The Fluttershy she knew would not have a crop sticking out from the band of her dress.

The Fluttershy she knew would have that delicate, demure little smile on her lips, but allied to the rest of her… look… it seemed somehow… playful. Seductive.

Twilight took a glance at the rest of the cover, and somehow everything got worse. It looked so happy and cheerful, with pastels and soft curves and colours that went over the lines, like it had been drawn by a foal just old enough to stop putting a smiley face in the centre of every flower. And then there was the grey, square building, that she guessed played the part of the reform school, that had been crashed into the centre of the sweet drawing.

And then there was Fluttershy…

‘the naughtiest and meanest little colts and fillies’

Had she…

Bile burned the back of her throat.

… with foals…

Twilight’s breath caught in her chest. Spike raised an eyebrow at her.

“Twilight?”

“Okay!” she grinned, and could almost feel it splitting her face apart. “No need to panic, Twilight.”

“Uh… Twi?”

“All that’s happened is that your friend may have done something hideous and inappropriate with little children on camera! Nothing to worry about!”

“Twilight!”

She could feel her hooves shaking, but she wasn’t panicking! She wasn’t panicking!

“Twilight, calm down!”

Spike’s voice cut through the shroud in her ears, and she caught her breath before it could race away from her. With a sigh, she glanced at Spike.

“You’re right, Spike,” she said, taking another deep breath to make her tremors. “We need to think about what we’re going to do.”

“I say we watch it.”

Twilight stared at him, her brows furrowing so deeply that she was daring him to explain himself. At first, all he did was put his arms out to the side and scrunch his lips, but then he opened them. “Hey! I’m not saying we enjoy it if is… you know, but we might be wrong. We might be jumping to conclusions, here. This is Fluttershy were talking about.”

Twilight looked at him, and those pleading, trusting eyes for just a second, before taking another glance at the video. Maybe he had a point. There was nothing explicit about the cover, and it really did look like it could just be a foal’s video that somepony had very badly mishandled. And this was in a public library…

Fluttershy.

Fluttershy with that smile, that dress, and that riding crop.

She shivered. She couldn’t think about her friends that way. Her friends were good ponies, and fine, upstanding members of society. They wouldn’t…

“I still don’t know, Spike.” Twilight frowned. “Forgetting the… cover for a moment, why would Fluttershy even star in a video? You know how she feels when somepony she doesn’t know so much as knocks on her door.”

Spike shrugged, and whistled through his teeth. “Maybe she just needed some money? I swear that rabbit that tags along with her eats half the food she buys for herself, anyways.”

Twilight, eyes still locked firmly on the video, sighed. “Maybe you’re right, Spike. Maybe I am just looking too deep, here. It’s Fluttershy…”

But what if she wasn’t wrong? And this thing had been in her house all this time.

And she would have to look Fluttershy in the eye after seeing…

“Look, how about we just take a look at it. Ten minutes or something like that; that’ll give us plenty of time to see if there’s anything wrong going on on this thing,” he said, holding up the video, before dropping his voice to something he probably thought she couldn’t hear. “They usually get to the good stuff by then.”

“And what was that, Spike?” she asked, lips curling.

Spike jolted again, and hastily put on his biggest, widest “best behaviour” smile yet. “Uh, nothing!”

While Spike ran over to the player, doing his best to not wipe his brow, Twilight let out a little chuckle. And then she remembered that this wasn’t the time for laughs, just as the tape disappeared into the machine.

“Moment of truth,” she whispered, as Spike pressed the on button.

Today was going to be awesome!

Why?

Daring Do. That’s why!

Dash grinned in a way only the prospect of watching the adventures of the most awesome pegasus in existence could make her grin. Or maybe a whole team of them, swooping through the air in front of her, ready to launch into a super-fast aerial display where at least two of them would come inches from instant death! Or maybe a day with Pinkie, pranking their way through Ponyville one unsuspecting pony at a time.

Okay, maybe what would make her grin like this wasn’t important. What was important was that she had her most recent contender for the title of “Best Day Ever!” waiting for her just across town, and she was going to enjoy every second of it.

Slipping sideways between the final two trees, she swiftly made one of her better landings outside the library’s front door. Not that she didn’t always end up where she wanted when she landed, she reminded herself.

She knocked on the door, hard. It was perfectly all right to be loud when Daring Do was at stake. The same way it was all right for a grown pegasus mare to bounce on her hooves like a little filly, like she was doing now.

Okay, maybe not that. All the time, anyway.

“Spike? Ready yet?”

She started to get impatient; a full five seconds had gone by, and she couldn’t even hear movement in the library! She could hear voices, though, but none of them sounded like Twilight or Spike. It kind of sounded like that time she was re-reading Daring Do and the Wooden Mask for the fifth time, and Cheerilee had brought all those foals in to try and distract her with a field-trip.

Except that today was a Saturday.

She scowled at the door. Nopony was going to keep her away from Daring Do. If she’d gone through hospital security to find one book, then she could get past the door she’d smashed through hundreds of times to see a whole series of cartoons!

She didn’t have to, as it turned out. The door popped open the moment she turned the handle.

Now she heard the voices a lot more clearly, and this time her brows clenched together. There was definitely the same kind of faint distortion that she’d heard come from the TV speakers in Pinkie’s room when they’d watched those comic troupes together, but none of the voices she could hear sounded like Daring Do. What she expected Daring Do to sound like, anyway, with a kind of gruff, slightly full of herself but only because she deserves to be voice. This one was soft, and gentle, and instantly she could hear that lullaby that she definitely hadn’t needed that night after failing her final flight camp test. No.

Oh…

She knew who that was.

She raced through the archway at the back of the main room, right to where the voices were loudest.

“Madame Buttercup! Please! Let me out!”

The screen suddenly cut to a very familiar pegasus, and Dash felt her eyes widen in recognition.

Oh… they’ve found this…

“I’m sorry, little one, but naughty little foals who can’t abide by the rules have to be punished.”

Dash strode closer to the screen, trying to ignore the sight of one of her friends walking closer to that little filly, and instead paying attention to the other two. The two who stood there, not moving a muscle except maybe to breathe, their mouths hanging open just a crack at the sight in front of them.

As Dash moved ahead of them, she saw that their eyes were glazed over.

“I’m sorry, Madame Buttercup. I promise I’ll be good, I promise!”

“Uh, guys?”

Twilight made a little groan that sounded weirdly familiar to Dash. Oh yes, she sounded like Dash about five seconds after she’d gotten up from an hour of sleep. Spike stayed silent. A little speck of drool fell from his bottom lip.

“You do know this is a video for foals, right? As in not that much older than the Cakes’ kids, foals?”

She took another glance at the video, where Fluttershy crouched in front of a grey filly. Something about that seemed familiar to Dash, but she couldn’t for the life of her think why: the filly looked quite big and strong for her age, and she was bawling her eyes out. Why would that seem familiar?

It didn’t matter.

Fluttershy leaned closer, and gently nuzzled her, and gave her that motherly little smile that Dash thought looked so natural on Fluttershy. “I know you’re sorry, Sweet Pea, and that really means a lot to me.” That stopped the little squirt from crying, much to Dash’s relief; she was getting those same horrible feelings she did when Scoots had that big crash into the fountain last week. “But I can’t make exceptions for anypony who breaks the rules, little one, so I’m afraid you’ll need to sit with Ms Cherry Blossom for a while. Don’t worry, you’ll be back soon, though.”

Dash shivered. It wasn’t that she minded Fluttershy and her ridiculously cutesy voice. Far from it. After the end of a long shift on the weather patrol, it was always nice to meet up with her and chat over a mid-morning snack, and it was usually ’Shy she turned to during those times, rare as they were, when she needed a shoulder to offload on.

But there was such a thing as too much cute. Particularly when it was eating into Daring Do time!

She turned back to her friends in the room. They still stared at the TV, and Dash wondered if they’d even blinked while she was here.

“Guys? Aren’t you going to turn this off?”

“But…” said Spike, “Madame Buttercup’s so…nice.” A big, dopey smile spread across his face. “Just listening to her teaching… it makes me fell all warm and snugly inside. Like I’m all wrapped up in my blankey, and there’s a nice cup of cocoa just waiting for me…”

Spike hugged himself, still smiling the same big, dopey smile of a happy drunk after just the right amount of cider.

Rainbow felt like going for one too, now that she thought about it. Nothing bad was about to happen, so what was the harm in letting the very nice Madame Buttercup with her nice, soothing voice continue her lesson? She didn’t have—

Okay. This had to stop.

Shaking her head and then slapping it, Dash crossed the room at her usual speed and slammed on the stop button.

Almost at once, she heard Spike groaning. By the time she’d turned back around, Spike was walking back to the couch, rubbing his eyes.

“Welcome back, Spike,” she called out, then looking over to Twilight. “You coming ‘round too, Twi?”

Twilight just stood there, her legs still locked and her mouth still hanging open and just begging for something to be dropped in it. At least she was blinking, now, so it wasn’t all bad.

“Wha… what was that?” asked Spike, staring at the TV as if he’d just been hit by it.

That was bad, though. Any questions about this was going to cut into more and more of Daring Do time; they’d probably already been staring at that foal’s show for long enough to miss a whole episode! She wouldn’t know, having not seen any of it yet, but still!

Dash almost let out her typical grunt, but held it back, remembering just whose TV she was going to be watching that awesomeness on.

“That was Fluttershy’s video,” she answered, too busy searching for the goodies to do it in more than one tone. Then she spotted it.

The Daring Do tapes.

She let out a little squeal. Like a filly. But that was okay; it was another thing an awesome pegasus was allowed to do when presented with Daring Do. Sometimes, anyway.

Like when they were seeing it for the first time!

“But… why does Fluttershy have a video?”

Dash sighed, and put back the copy of the first tape she’d grabbed. She hadn’t even gotten a decent look at it, but she knew it was going to be awesome!

And she would see it in a minute, right after she was done with these questions. They were only a slight price to pay, she reasoned.

“She did it because she needed some bits after a storm blew in from the Everfree and took away her roof.”

And it was kind of her own fault, really. If only she’d told the Dash that that storm was coming in, it’d have been gone before it came within ten miles of her house. Still, she’d only not mentioned it because of the other, massive storm that had Ponyville right in its sights, and she didn’t want to put anypony else’s houses in danger.

Fluttershy really was a feather-brain, sometimes. A soft-hearted, always-patient feather brain, who had nearly killed Dash by looking at her when she arrived after the roof had been torn away. It was those eyes…

Great. Now she’d eaten into their viewing time. Great.

“Yeah, there was this director who wanted to set their newest show for foals right here in Ponyville’s schoolhouse, and you should have seen the look on his face when he saw Fluttershy helping some ducklings across the street. I swear, he fell in love with her, or something.”

“So he cast her in the video?”

“Yup. Said it’d do well for ‘local flavour’, whatever that means.”

Now she could see the pieces falling together in Spike’s head. Not that she ever did jigsaws, no matter what Pinkie said about seeing her leave Fluttershy’s cottage late at night that one time. At any rate, a couple of them seemed to be jammed.

“But… Fluttershy would never agree to go on camera, would she?”

“It did take him a lot to convince her, you’re right. Eventually, they kind of made it in one long shot and kept the cameras where she couldn’t see them. That way, she wouldn’t feel like she was on camera, I guess.”

“Makes sense.”

“Yeah, but something doesn’t here, Spike,” she said, leaping over the box to land right in front of him. It was worth leaving her search just to see the look on his face. “What were you guys doing watching that? I know it’s one of your friends on video, and it not being me.” She remembered that Wonderbolts Thank You tape she took part in, and her listing off several minutes of reasons why they were the greatest fliers ever that most ponies she spoke to called “fangasming”. Whatever that was. “But come on, it’s a foal’s video where Fluttershy teaches a class of not-all-that-naughty kids.”

Spike squirmed, and she smirked. It was so worth it; every little drop running down his forehead was like a victory.

“Uh…”

“Spike.”

“Well… twilthouwazaporn.”

She stared at him, lips scrunching. Was that Prench?

“What?”

“Twilight thought it was porn!”

Spike slapped a claw over his mouth, and then shrank away with his eyes squeezed shut. Like Dash was a bout to hit him.

She did hit him, but only with the biggest laugh she’d let out in a long time.

“Twilight thought Fluttershy starred in porn!” She tipped her head back and let out another bout of them, probably disturbing some birds in the library’s branches. “That’s… just… hilarious!” She stomped a hoof on the ground, before needing it for something else. She was actually crying!

Maybe she was overdoing it with the laughs, then. Crying wasn’t a particularly awesome thing, unless a pony’s life was in danger or one of the Wonderbolts was retiring, or Herpy was finally going to reunite with that long-lost sister they’d been hinting at for three books with letters and—

Fighting to get her breath back, she stared at Twilight. “You do know that Fluttershy can’t even look at a stallion without blushing, right? The only time she’s even seen a real stallionhood was when she was looking for medicine in AJ’s bathroom and didn’t notice her brother was in the shower.” She shook her head, blowing out a quick sigh. “Even I couldn’t keep up with her when she flew off.”

Then again, she couldn’t really blame Fluttershy; the first time seeing not-so-Little Macintosh at his proudest was something that could make even tough fillies whimper. She would know. And there were those big, wet eyes when she did finally manage to coax Fluttershy out of her room…

Wait.

She took another look at the video. A smirk came to her lips just as quickly as a burn in the back of her throat, but she got rid of that second one.

“Twilight… This video’s obviously about a school… and you thought it was porn… then that means…” She turned to face Twilight, grinning like a bucket of water was about to land on her out of nowhere. “That nerds really are sex fiends behind all those books!”

She kept staring at Twilight, expecting her to finally splutter back into life and start protesting so quickly that her words couldn’t even be made out, like that time when Pinkie found that picture of the Princess under Twi’s pillow. It was only a picture of the two of them together, so Dash had known Twilight was keeping her hooves wrapped firmly around the photo, but it was just so much fun to see someone so smart squirm like that.

If only she was doing it now, then it’d be fun. Instead, Twilight kept staring ahead, her mouth open like somepony had told her pi was four or something. Her only reaction was to blink. Once.

She looked at Spike, jabbing a hoof at Twilight. “How long’s she gonna’ be like this?”

Spike shrugged back. “Probably a while, but you can’t blame her!” He held out the video’s case. “This doesn’t exactly help matters.”

Dash looked at the case, and soon felt her lips being pinched by teeth, memories of the shoot flocking back. Even if that crop was obviously shopped-in, hanging on Fluttershy’s belt rather than in it, it was a bit much. And they’d definitely used that one shot that ‘Shy had told them not to, when the wind had picked up behind her. And that title did bear the signs of something from the industry…

Not that she knew the industry. She hadn’t needed to sink that low to get through remedial flight camp. Gilda, on the other hoof—

A huge, rattling gasp yanked her out of her thoughts, and dragged her eyes back around again.

“And Twi is back in the room!” She bumped her hoof against Twilight’s side, who stayed completely still. “How’re you feeling?”

All she could hear was a deep silence, occasionally covered by seething breaths from Twilight.

“Twilight?”

This was getting awkward, now. She could practically feel great waves of power coming off her friend, tingling through her feathers, while Twilight did her best to melt the floor with her eyes.

“Twi?” That wobble was meant to be in her voice. It was perfectly reasonable to be worried when your friend had the power to turn everything around her to mush and she was angry, right?

All of a sudden it stopped, and Twilight’s head whipped around to face Dash, an enormous smile stretching it out. “Oh, I’m fine Rainbow Dash.” Her voice was just a little too high for Dash’s insides to stop feeling like jelly. “I’m absolutely fine. I just spent nearly an hour thinking one of my closest friends was a freaking foal-fiddler, but it just turned out that I was worrying over nothing. That’s fine.”

Then those big purple eyes rounded on Dash, and for a second everything apart from them dissolved into black. “But there is something I want to know, Rainbow, since you know all about Fluttershy’s video.”

Twilight’s voice no longer sounded raked its way through her ears, and Dash couldn’t feel that heavy weight on her shoulders. “What?”

“Who. The THUNDERING… Feather. Put this,” the case rocketed to her side, “cover on a video for foals!?”

Dash took in the frown, the ears pointing directly at her, and the visible tufts of steam coming from Twilight’s nostrils, while the look in her eyes made the bottom fall out of her stomach.

Maybe telling her how she got the money for that rainbow fountain could wait for another day.