Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend... Literally

by Georg

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 20488

In order to get more dating experience, Twilight Sparkle decides to create her own romantic companion for practice. What could possibly go wrong?

For the longest time, Twilight Sparkle had problems with dating. Although she was the Princess of Friendship, the stallions she had attempted to progress beyond friendship with always seemed to shy away, sometimes at a rapid gallop. Well, this time she has the problem solved. If she can't find a stallion who will be romantic with her, she is going to make a stallion who wants to be romantic with her.

What could possibly go wrong?

Editors: Tek, Starlight_Glimmer, Mitch H, FTL
Picture Credit MoonlightFan on Deviant Art (Little Tigress on FimFiction)
Now on Equestria Daily

Published 2017-12-04 16:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-10 14:09:45 UTC

1. The Best Laid Plans

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
The Best Laid Plans… or is it the other way around?

“Twilight, I’m warning you. Either answer me or… I’ll send a letter to Princess Celestia! Without checking the spelling!”

Spike was getting tired of calling through the thick locked crystal door, but kept it up rather than just chew a hole through it. Again.

Threatening to send an unedited letter was his last and most desperate gambit, which by Spike’s reckoning, he had only needed to resort to three times over the years. Admittedly, this time she had not incited a riot with a cloth doll, but there had been a lot of cloth in the supplies Twilight had him carry into her laboratory, as well as some deranged cackling from from behind the door over the last few days.

There had not been any lightning, which Spike viewed as a good sign, but there was a thunderstorm scheduled for the afternoon, so he was trying to hurry up before she got any ideas.

“Just a minute, Spike! I’ve only got one last stitch. There!” The door clicked and swung open, showing the inevitable result of one alicorn princess-level experiment that Spike knew he was going to be cleaning up for most of the next week, and… something else.

“You made a plushie,” said Spike, looking at the pony-sized pegasus doll. “That’s all?”

Admittedly, it was a fairly good doll, with neat stitching and proper stuffing so it stood up. Even the wings had been put together with a great deal of care, and seemed as if they could be extended in the way a pegasus would fly. He really did not like the shade of blue-green she had picked, but since Twilight had gotten the cloth from Rarity, Spike thought he could get used to it. Plus, it was not radiating the blinding magical aura of a Want-It-Need-It spell, or any other signs that Twilight had gone around the bend in the direction of world domination or evil.

In fact, the huge plushie looked oddly normal, in a weird way, with a dopey, happy expression and ever-so-slightly crossed eyes. On a scale of one to ten on the Weird-o-Meter, it was probably a four at best, or a two when adjusted for Ponyville standards.

It was a little upsetting to the young dragon that Twilight considered his own company insufficient, and that she had decided to make a plushie to stand around while she worked, but Spike thought about it for a few moments. Other than possibly making a little more dusting around the castle, it might distract Twilight enough for Spike to spend a little more time with Rarity which was a good thing. It did bring up one point, though.

“You know, I bet if you told Rarity, she would have made it for you.”

“Him,” corrected Twilight. “He’s the perfect practice romantic companion. I was thinking after my last date—”

“The one where you set him on fire, or the one where he dove through the restaurant window?” asked Spike.

“Spike!” Twilight nibbled on her bottom lip. “The one with fire. Anyway, I figured the reason my dates keep going wrong is because I don’t have any practice. So…” She waved a hoof at the doll. “Ta-da!”

“You’ve been hanging around Trixie too much,” said Spike. “Besides, how is a doll supposed to help you get dates?”

“Not get dates, Spike. Make the dates more romantic so I’m not scaring off any more stallions. I think I’m getting a reputation,” she added with a slightly nervous fidget. “Anyway, Nimbus here is fully fireproof, so that won’t happen again. And scratchproof,” she added. “Just in case. Also lightning-resistant, acid-resistant, there’s an anti-raveling charm built-in, and the cloth won’t fade at all in the sun for years.”

“Now I think you’ve been hanging around Starlight Glimmer too much,” he groused. “Still, it’s good to be prepared,” said Spike, walking up closer to the doll to get a look at his wings. “So why did you decide to call him Nimbus?”

“Because that’s my name,” said the doll.

It took the two of them an hour to get Spike out from under the bed.

- Ω - -

“Twilight, darling?” Rarity nosed open the castle door and looked around the empty hallway. “Spikie has the most improbable story, and I was wondering…”

The hallway was lacking in ponies — either the flesh and blood variety or any other — and Rarity turned her disbelieving gaze on the little dragon to her side.

“He’s gotta be lurking around here somewhere, Rarity!” Spike peeked out from under Rarity’s good saucepan lid, which he was using as a shield. “Maybe the dark magic of his creation has already corrupted Twilight into a being of eternal nightmare!” He paused, and glanced upwards at Rarity’s skeptical expression. “That’s not to say dark magic is all bad. I mean just because you were corrupted by Nightmare once on the moon.⁽*⁾ Oh, and that book. Um…” Spike paused, obviously trying to think of other embarrassing examples, but Rarity just rolled her eyes.
(*) IDW comics, Issue 5-8

“Spike, do try to focus. I find it difficult to believe that our Twilight has gone, how did you put it?”

“Loco in the coconuts, one page short of a book report—”

“Yes, I know,” said Rarity rather rapidly while walking. “But this is Twilight Sparkle we are talking about. Our friend. I know she’s rather… um… clueless when it comes to young stallions. And she might have accidently set one on fire.”

“Two,” said Spike. “Three, if you count the one I swear she did intentionally.”

After rolling her eyes, Rarity opened the door to the crystal table room to find her friend and the pony-sized doll were next to the map, looking down at it. “Ah, there you are, darling.”

“Rarity!” called out Twilight. “Come in. I was just getting Nimbus familiar with the castle and surrounding area so we can determine where he should take me for our first date.”

“Date.” There was just the smallest of hesitations in Rarity’s stride while she looked between her friend and the plushie, interrupted when the doll looked back at her from where it had been studying the crystal map.

What stunning eyes, although they really need to be restitched for symmetry. A nice shade of gold, most likely from the thread she borrowed, and quite lifelike. Oh, I need to say something about this… date concept.

“Between you and… what exactly is this again?”

“A Type Six semi-autonomous cloth golem with full fractal sensory integration and hierarchical learning enchantments,” recited Twilight with a squeal. “Isn’t he wonderful?”

“Well.” Rarity considered her words and the inscrutable observation of the cloth doll. “It certainly does seem like a more… interesting companion than when you attended the Statistician’s Ball in Manehattan with Mister Slipstick.”

“We were totally incompatible,” said Twilight rapidly. “He prefers degrees while I know that radians are the only true measure of angular velocity. Nimbus is nothing like that. His personality is made up of my own memories and experiences, so he’s going to be the perfect date. Say something witty, Nimbus.”

“Something witty, Nimbus,” said the doll in a mischievous tone. The doll moved and spoke in such a lifelike manner that Rarity was convinced that his stitched golden eyes had even twinkled just for a moment. She jumped back despite herself, and judging by Spike’s shriek and the rapid patter of dragon feet behind her, the feeling of surprise was mutual.

Well, almost mutual.

“Back, you fiend! Back into the pits of Tartarus which spawned you!” Spike came running past, waving one of the silver soup ladles which Rarity had generously gifted to the castle for special occasions, since crystal castles that magically spring up from the ground were notably lacking in proper place settings. The little dragon gave an impressive leap, landing on top of the doll and swinging wildly with his bare claws, because the soup ladle had been plucked from his grasp at the last moment by Twilight’s magic.

“Spike, please stop that. Spike? Spike!” Twilight waved the ladle at the dragon. “You could have bent this, or even broken it.”

“Tickles!” giggled the doll, rolling around on the floor with Spike pummeling him. “Stop it! Please!”

“Um… Twilight?” Rarity took an abrupt step backwards to avoid the ongoing one-sided fight. “Aren’t you concerned about Nimbus? Or Spike?”

“He’s scratchproof,” said Twilight, preening a little. “And he’s all cloth so he can’t hurt Spike.”

“Oh.” Rarity watched as Spike, seeming having grown tired of his ineffective scratching, began to bounce up and down on the fallen doll’s chest. “I see. Um… As I recall, you mentioned something about taking Nimbus out on a date?”

“Oh, yes! Since my previous stallion interactions have been a little less than optimal—” Rarity withheld comment by the smallest of margins “—I decided to make an assistant, kind of a training aide. This way I’ll be ready for the next stallion who comes along and tries to sweep me off my hooves. So, what do you think?”

Since Rarity had already attempted several times over the last week to find a suitable stallion to ‘sweep’ her friend off her hooves, so to say, and had discovered that Twilight’s reputation had swept, mopped and vacuumed ahead of her by a substantial margin, she was in a bit of a pickle. Thankfully, she was not the Element of Honesty, and had certain options excluded to at least one of her other friends. Also thankfully, there was at least one obvious flaw in her friend’s chain of logic, making the doll she had created less of an Equestria-shaking problem and more of a quirky oddity.

“Twilight,” started Rarity in a very calm tone of voice, much like when she was attempting to coax Opalescence off a high shelf, “since you created the doll—”

“Type Six semi-autonomous cloth golem,” corrected Twilight.

“Ah… yes. Since you created the golem and the magical commands it is following, how do you expect it to teach you how to be romantic on a date? After all, you said that’s something which you don’t know, and therefore could not include in its programming.”

“That’s the best part!” Twilight produced a stack of books with little colored sticky labels in them. “I used a subset of the library to accumulate all of the romantic knowledge Nimbus is going to need in order to guide us through some of the more common dating pitfalls. You know, first dates, romantic dinners, shared public occasions, meeting parents, which of course I’ll only be able to do half of since I didn’t create parents for him. Do you think that would be a good idea?”

Rarity’s head filled with a mental picture of Princess Twilight Sparkle showing up in Canterlot to a fancy dress party with three stuffed dolls at her side and the subsequent city-wide screaming and panic that would follow. Or worse, the dramatic reaction that Twilight’s parents would have when she showed up with her creations. “Ah… no.”

“Or you could stitch together parents for him, and I could enchant—”

“No, Twilight.” Rarity took a deep breath. “Certainly you can see the problems with taking your… date out in public. Why don’t we go out for a nice cup of tea in town, and talk about it while Spike is—” Rarity glanced sideways at where Spike had gradually transitioned from attempting to stomp the doll, to seeing how high he could bounce “—otherwise occupied.”

“Actually…” Twilight’s ears drooped and she looked at Spike proudly sitting on top of his defeated opponent after one final, epic bounce. “You have a point, Rarity.”

“Good.” Rarity arranged her mane before considering the triumphant dragon and the defeated doll, which was still panting for ‘breath’ after its failed tickling defense. One thing that Rarity had to admit was that Twilight Sparkle really threw herself into whatever project she was working on. The stitching and make of the doll was exquisite, nearly as high a quality as Rarity would have been able to do with sufficient time and materials, and to create such a high-order cloth golem bespoke of the incredible amount of magical talent that the whole town had grown to expect. Or dread, depending on the situation.

“I should waterproof him first,” said Twilight. “Otherwise, he would get soggy if he gets wet, and I don’t know how long it would take to dry him out afterwards.”

The problem is that Twilight can be such a ditz sometimes.

“I’ll just leave you two alone for a while, then.” Rarity strode for the door, trying to keep her rapid departure ladylike and majestic instead of a retreat for reinforcements. “You know, so you and your… date can get prepared.”

2. Friends United

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Friends United

“Twilight?” There was the faintest of rustles from the outside of Twilight Sparkle’s bathroom and Fluttershy stuck her nose ever so cautiously into the steamy room. “Rarity said that I needed to see you right away, and that it was an emergency, but she didn’t give me many details.”

“We’ll be out in a minute, Fluttershy.” The sound of running water stopped, and several towels took flight with Twilight Sparkle’s magic into the shower enclosure. “I never realized how much easier it was to take a shower with somepony else to scrub my back.”

Fluttershy nodded, although she remained poised to flee at the slightest provocation. “Yes, it is. Sometimes, I have Harry Bear scrub my back and the ferret family to help with my wings. Oh, and there’s nothing like a midnight preening from the owl flock.” A certain realization began to rise in Fluttershy’s mind as she watched two winged shadows against the shower curtains. “Um… Is that Rainbow Dash in the shower with you, Twilight?”

“No, it’s Nimbus. Didn’t Rarity tell you about him?”

“Him?” Fluttershy trembled and took a step back. “You didn’t drown one of your dates, did you Twilight? Because I’m your friend, and I’ll help with whatever you need, and the forest is right next to my house, but I don’t think—”

“No, I didn’t drown Nimbus,” said Twilight, stretching one wing up above the curtains while whoever else it was in the tub rubbed down her back. “I was testing the waterproofing spell, and it worked really well. Here, let me get the curtain.”

Magic surrounded the shower curtain and pulled it back to reveal a damp Twilight Sparkle next to a pegasus stallion that Fluttershy had never seen before. He was delightfully rumpled with the toweling that had his dark mane tangled and his smooth, cloth-like coat nearly gleaming. He finished using the towel to rub down Twilight’s back before looking at Fluttershy with those entrancing big eyes, stitched together with gold and dark thread.…

“Fluttershy?” Twilight hopped out of the tub and poked her head out of the bathroom doorway. “Where did you go?”

But there was no response other than the slamming of the castle front door far away.

- Ω - -

“Hey, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash swooped into the castle kitchen and landed on one of the unoccupied chairs. “What gives? Rarity said you had a cloth coltfriend, whatever that is, and Fluttershy is hiding in her house.” Rainbow turned her head to the side and looked over the life-sized doll sitting in the chair beside her. “I mean it’s nice that you got a plushie, but most ponies leave them in the bedroom.”

“I haven’t been in the bedroom yet,” said the doll.

Rainbow gave out a piercing shriek and shot straight up to cling to the kitchen light fixture.

“That wasn’t very nice, Nimbus.” Twilight Sparkle waved a spatula from where she was preparing lunch. “Apologize to my friend, please.”

“I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash,” said the doll, looking up at the panicked pegasus with unblinking stitched eyes. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

“Me?” Rainbow fluttered down and took her seat again. “I’m not frightened. Just a little surprised. Oh!” She hopped up and hovered with a huge grin. “Has Pinkie seen you do that yet? Because that would be so awesome! I’ve never been able to catch her by surprise. Can I borrow your costume?”

“It’s not a costume, Rainbow Dash,” chided Twilight while checking the bottom of the pancake for black, crispy spots. “I made him. He’s a golem, named Nimbus.”

“I knew that,” said Rainbow. “I was just testing you. Pass the pancakes.”

A stack of steaming pancakes floated over to Rainbow Dash’s plate, where she proceeded to drown them in butter and syrup. Several large bites later, the syrup-smeared pegasus took a quick glance at where Twilight was preparing another set of pancakes, then leaned over conspiratorially towards the doll.

“I’m a magical construct,” whispered Nimbus first. “Twilight stitched my outsides together, stuffed me, and put a number of very powerful spells on me so I can simulate life.”

“Oh.” Rainbow kept her voice low. “Like a bedroom toy? Because I knew she was having trouble finding a stallion, or even a mare, but I didn’t think she needed stimulation enough to—”

“Rainbow!” Twilight Sparkle scowled fiercely at her friend while a set of pancakes behind her began to smolder. “Simulate, not stimulate! I did not make him as some sort of… bedroom toy! He doesn’t even have a…” she finished weakly.

“Yeah, I was wondering about that when I saw his wings,” said Rainbow Dash with another bite of pancakes. “I mean pegasi are neat, but if you’re stitching up some sort of hideous abomination from the nether regions of Tartarus — Spike’s words, not mine — I would think you’d given him a unicorn horn.”

Twilight quickly flipped the smoldering pancakes into the trash. “I tried, but I could never get the stuffing to stuff right, because it always bent to the left or the right.”

“Yeah, that can be tricky,” admitted Rainbow. She took a quick peek under the table and added, “You didn’t give him anything down below, either. Same problem?”

Twilight Sparkle grabbed a broom.

Rainbow Dash managed to make it out the front door of the castle with only two or three whacks around the shoulders before escaping.

- Ω - -

“Ah don’t see what all the fussing and fidgeting is all about,” announced Applejack, who was taking a break on one of the streamer-covered hay bales in the barn. “If’n Twi wants to practice her romantic ren-dez-vouses with some doll rather than set Big Mac on fire again, it seems like that’s a durned good idea.”

“You said it!” said Pinkie Pie. “Why, this gives me the chance to throw Twilight a ‘So you found a coltfriend you can’t set on fire’ party. Thanks for letting us use the barn, Applejack.”

“You’re welcome, Pinkie Pie.” Applejack straightened her hat and fixed Rarity with a stern look. “Now, we’re not going to have no hysterics here at the party, no screaming from you—”

Applejack moved her stern gaze over to the little dragon, who just happened to be sitting next to several coils of rope and a net.

“—and no fighting from Spike, right?”

After getting a brief nod, Applejack turned her stern gaze to Fluttershy, or at least as stern a look as she could muster against the shy pegasus. It was tough, but she gave it her best attempt. “And particularly you, Fluttershy. Twilight Sparkle thinks this critter she built is harmless, and we’re supposed to trust our friends and their judgement, right?”

There was a long silence, broken finally by Rarity’s deep sigh. “You are so correct, Applejack. Twilight is our friend. We should trust that she would never get so carried away as to use a spell with which she is unsure of the results.”

“Um… Except for that time with the vampire fruit bats,” said Fluttershy.

“And the Want-It-Need-It spell on Miss Smarty Pants, her other doll,” said Spike.

“Or the time she blasted all of my mirror pool clones into puffs of magic without double-checking to make sure they weren’t me,” added Pinkie Pie.

“And the time she shuffled all of our cutie marks around,” said Rainbow Dash. “Even though she did get wings out of it, I almost got eaten.”

“More to the point,” said Rarity in such a forceful manner that she cut off the rest of her friends before they could add any more embarrassing memories, “we have all failed in a spectacular fashion at one time or another, and we all came together to help each other recover. So if it turns out Nimbus is just what she says it is, there won’t be a problem. And if indeed it is some sort of creature of dark magic who will eventually attempt to destroy Equestria, we shall face it then.”

“Right!” said Rainbow Dash. “And then we can say ‘We told you so!’”

“Right,” they chorused.

- Ω - -

“So, Nimbus was it?” Applejack squirmed a little on the inside, but kept up her strong face. It was a party after all, and she was talking to one of Twilight Sparkle’s… experiments. “Ah really don’t know much about you. How are you liking Ponyville so far?”

The doll shrugged in a way that a flesh and blood pony could never duplicate as long as it had a skeletal structure. “So far, Ponyville has been very inviting. Then again, I’ve only been alive for a few hours.”

“Alive? Ah thought you was some sort of widget she made work with a spell.” Applejack cringed and tried to backtrack. “Not that you’re like some of the farm machinery we’ve got around here. Ain’t got nothing that talks back.”

“That’s probably a good thing. A plow would get really lonely if it only was able to talk back to you for a few days a year.” The doll stretched and ran a quick cloth hoof through its ruffled mane. “I’m not really alive in the sense you were thinking. I’m only going to be here for a short time, anyway. The spell that Mistress Sparkle cast will eventually run out of magic, and I’ll just be a doll again.”

“You mean you’ll… die?”

“No, just that I’ll be a doll again.” The plush doll cocked its head to one side and regarded Applejack through stitched golden eyes. “Why are you upset?”

“Ah’m not upset!” Applejack lowered her voice and cast a quick glance at her friends over at the other side of the barn, getting ready for Pin The Tail On The Pony. “It just don’t seem like Twilight to bring something to life that’s gonna die right after. Since Twilight built you with her own memories, I thought you’d be more like her.”

“I am like her. She made me to be her partner. Besides, I’m not really alive. What you see is only an artifact of the spell. All of my responses are pulled from her experiences, the books she used, and some long magical term that I don’t understand. I don’t have any real emotions, or physical needs, or even desires. When my power runs out, I’ll stop. I’m just a puppet, made for her education.”

“You don’t sound like no puppet.”

“The stimulus-response programming is very detailed, and I learn from experiences. For example.” The doll moved right up to Applejack and kissed her on the lips. It was not a real kiss, because the doll did not have any real lips, but the stitching on its mouth felt warm and gave Applejack a little tingle going down the back of her neck that mixed with the cold shock of the unexpected amourous assault.

“Now, if I had been a real stallion, I never would have done that.” The doll waved a cloth hoof in front of Applejack’s eyes. “Hello?”

She shook her head and blinked until the world came back in focus. “What the hay was that?”

The doll let out a realistic sigh, hunched its neck, and looked down at the barn floor. “And if I had been a real stallion, you would have known that was a kiss. But that’s okay. I’m fine. It’s just my whole reason for being constructed, and I’m so bad at it.”

“Now, wait a dadgum minute!” Applejack tried to ignore the way the rest of her friends abruptly looked in her direction. “Just because you ain’t no good at kissin’ don’t mean you’re a failure. You just need practice and… what am I saying? Ah’m talking to a doll about kissing!”

“The name’s Nimbus.” The doll lifted its head up and looked Applejack straight in the eye with a set of wrinkles around its face that could only be a broad grin. “And Rainbow Dash said you’d fall for it.”

“Yes!” cheered Rainbow from the other side of the room. “Score!”

- Ω - -

“So.” The doll flying next to Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy flapped along with long, slow motions of his fabric wings and tried to peer around the princess to get a look at her friend. “Fluttershy, I’m sorry if I frightened you. Well, I can’t really be sorry, since I don’t have emotions. But frightening you upset Twilight, and that goes against her directives, so I need to apologize. I’ll try not to frighten you again.”

Fluttershy looked back and forth between her friend and the strange cloth ‘golem’ which she had created. It was not something she should have been afraid of. It was just a mechanical thing, like a clock or a music box. Twilight had wound it up with magic, it was running now, and eventually she would put it to one side and it would turn back into an immobile doll again.

An admittedly cute doll, that looked very snuggleable⁽*⁾, like a panther, or even a lion.
(*) Fluttershy had a different definition of ‘snuggleable’ than most of her friends.

She may not have been able to get up the courage to talk to Nimbus, but Fluttershy could still talk to her friend. “Twilight, are you sure you want to bring your… doll out to my house? The geese are visiting on their way north for the summer, and there’s a lot of… goose in the grass.”

“The visit should be perfectly fine. It’s in the book,” said Twilight, floating a book out of her bag while flying, which further degraded her normally unsteady flight path. “Chapter Four, where a couple goes to the pet store to consider picking out a companion they can both be compatible with. Since the rest of my friends have gone all wacky about me bringing Nimbus into town, I thought we could visit your house and see what looking for a pet is like.”

“But you already have a pet,” said Fluttershy. “Unless Owlowiscious is getting lonely and would like a nice female owl for companionship. There’s this wonderful young barn owl—”

“No, I don’t want another owl,” insisted Twilight rather rapidly, much like all of Fluttershy’s friends did when she suggested adding to their collection.

“And a dragon,” said Nimbus.

“Spike is not a pet!”

Twilight Sparkle turned to admonish the doll, which allowed the wind to catch the open book she was floating in front of her nose, causing Twilight to veer into the others, and before the three of them realized it, gravity took its inevitable toll. It was a much less painful crash than Fluttershy expected, and once she managed to stagger to her hooves, the reason was obvious. And flat.

“Ooof,” said Nimbus. “If it was not impolite to mention a young mare’s weight, I might say something snide and sarcastic.” The doll attempted to shift out of the dent he had made in the grassy turf, but being turned from three-dimensional to two-dimensional made it difficult for him to get leverage. Twilight was nowhere to be seen, because immediately after the crash, she had bounced back up and scurried off into the bushes to find the book she had been reading, but Fluttershy felt at least a little comforted that she had checked before bounding off.

“I’m sorry, Miss Fluttershy,” said the flattened doll. “I seem to be causing all kinds of problems since I was created.”

“The book binding split!” Twilight Sparkle’s voice from the other side of the bushes was shrill and panicked, just a few steps away from a ‘I Can Fix It’ moment. “There’s loose pages floating around!”

“Oh, no.” Fluttershy darted back and forth, worked into a nervous frazzle by the panic of her friend. “Oh, no no no!”

“It’s not that bad,” said the doll. “I think I have some of the pages stuck under me.” Nimbus gave another vain attempt at movement. “Fluttershy, if you can get your friend to dig me out of this hole, we can look for the rest of the pages together. Since we’re pegasi, we can stop any breeze in the area and the pages will all just lie wherever they landed.”

“Oh!” It was a brilliant idea, but since Twilight Sparkle created the doll, Fluttershy should have expected such. It only took a few moments for the frazzled alicorn to pop Nimbus out of the hole he had made with his sacrifice, and a brisk thumping to fluff him back out to original size. Then the three of them used their wings to stop the errant breezes while Twilight floated around, snagging pages with her magic.

- Ω - -

Thankfully, by the time they reached Fluttershy’s house, all of the book’s pages had been accounted for, although Nimbus made Twilight put the loose page collection back into her saddlebag and lock it before landing. It was impressive that a simple doll could stop one of Twilight’s panic attacks so easily and keep her from inevitably being distracted by the damaged book while they looked for pets. Even Spike had problems with that, and he had grown up with Twilight, although he was not a pony, and in particular not a male pony.

It was a little distracting for Fluttershy to think of a cloth doll as a real pony, but he was so… nice. And handsome. And had thrown himself underneath them both when they crashed, so they did not get hurt. Well, the last might have just been an accident, but it was easy to give him credit, and even better that he had not been a real pony, or he might have gotten hurt.

Far too many of Twilight’s dates wound up in the Ponyville hospital emergency room. Nearly all of them, now that Fluttershy was thinking about it.

“Geese!” exclaimed Nimbus, angling his cloth wings to descend into Fluttershy’s yard. “They’re beautiful, and there’s so many of them.”

“Yes, there are,” said Fluttershy. “Just be careful where you—”

Nimbus landed with a wet-sounding squish, and another squish when he shifted positions to find out what the first squish was, and a whole series of squishes when he turned around. “Oh,” he said, not sounding nearly as irritated as most ponies did when they stepped in goose poo. “It kind of tickles, and feels weird.”

“It… um… smells too,” said Fluttershy. “You’ll probably want to wash before Twilight takes you home.”

One of the geese promptly flew over and landed on top of him, looking sideways at the strange new creature on the goose-covered lawn before doing what geese naturally did when landing on something strange.

“Um… They do that too,” added Fluttershy, still hovering a safe distance away. “All the time, for the last few weeks.”

“Weeks?” Twilight looked over the vast collection of non-migratory waterfowl from her safe altitude. “The schedule says they’re only supposed to stop here for a day.”

“They won’t leave.” Fluttershy looked down at the sea of birds, and said something she had never said before. “I told them, but they won’t listen.”

“How are we supposed to practice a ‘picking out a pet date’ if all we have to pick is geese?” Twilight looked around the yard. “I mean only geese. Where are the rest of your animal friends?”

* * *

Zecora shooed a few curious songbirds away from her cauldron and looked over the packed hut with a long, slow shake of her head. “It may be pleasant to have you all nearby, but I hope you take them home soon, Fluttershy.”

* * *

“They’re at a friend’s house,” said Fluttershy.

“Hey, stop pecking at me!” Nimbus waved his forelegs and backed up, which sent several geese flapping up into the air. “I don’t have any food. Whoops!” The doll tripped, fell down, and rolled until he hit the stream, scattering flapping and honking geese in all directions, as well as a considerable amount of splatter matter, which Fluttershy and Twilight flapped to get above.

Nimbus was most certainly not above it, and ran around shouting in what could have been considered a panic if he had been a pegasus pony, splattering goose poop and geese in all directions. By the time he calmed down, all of the geese had taken to the air, and rather than return to where the frightening strange poop-covered creature was panicking, they flapped off to the north, leaving Fluttershy’s yard empty.

Well, of geese at least.

“Rainbow Dash is leading them to where they needed to go,” said Fluttershy, shading her eyes with one hoof and looking to the north. “When she gets back, we’ll get some clouds and wash my yard. It should only take a day or two until it’s all clean and you can come back for your pet. I mean practice for getting a pet.”

“It may take me a little longer than that, Fluttershy.” Twilight Sparkle looked down into the muddy yard at the vaguely pegasus-shaped muddy… well, it was mostly mud, even though it did not have a real pegasus underneath it. “Somepony needs a bath.”

- Ω - -

“Rarity!” Twilight Sparkle’s voice filled the Carousel Boutique, sounding unusually chipper and happy for the moping princess that she had been over the last few weeks. Rarity was hemming the bottom of a particularly tricky dress when her friend called, but would have gotten up to greet her if Twilight had not added, “Can I borrow your big washing machine in the back yard? The one you use for curtains, that is.”

Ah, she’s washing curtains. The perfect thing to take her mind away from her stresses.

“Yes, darling! Go right ahead.” Rarity turned back to her work as the front door of the boutique slammed shut with Twilight’s rapid pace, only to look back up a few minutes later when Twilight called into the boutique again.

“Do you mind if I borrow a cup of your industrial strength washing detergent?”

“No more than a cap of the liquid for a full load, Twilight.” Rarity considered some of the stains she had seen on the curtains in the Castle of Friendship and added, “Or a cap and a half, if they’re really dirty.”

“Got it!”

Humming quietly to herself, Rarity returned to her pinning and hemming. It did not last long. A few minutes later, Sweetie Belle came bolting into her workroom, shouting at the top of her lungs.

“Sis! Sis! Twilight’s drowning somepony in the back yard!”

Rarity galloped out into the back yard, finding her friend wrestling a suds-covered pony into the top-loading washer.

“Oh, hush, you big baby, and get into the wash!”

“That’s too much suds!” protested the victim, who Rarity recognized by voice (if not by his vague, suds-covered shape) as the Type Six cloth golem Twilight had created just this morning. “The bubbles get in my nose and tickle.”

“You don’t have a nose,” said Twilight using her magic to push down on the section of dirty doll that stuck up on one side, only to have a pair of legs pop out the other.

“You made me think I have a nose,” said Nimbus in a gurgle from somewhere under the waterline of the tub. “You made me think I had a mouth too, and that was no fun at all just now.”

“Twilight, darling.” Rarity approached the soapy battlefield with a great deal of trepidation, and some delicate prodding with clean hooves in the search for dry patches of grass amidst the splashes. “What in the world are you doing with your… golem?”

“Washing him.” Twilight jammed one cloth leg down in the tub only for three more to pop up. “Trying to wash him,” she corrected. “He’s too slippery. Are you sure I was supposed to use a whole cup of detergent in the washing machine?”

“It tastes terrible,” gurgled the subject from the bottom of the tub.

“I said a capfull, Twilight. Why in Equestria would you want—” Rarity stopped her progress toward her friend with a terrified look at the dangling cloth limb protruding from the machine. “What is that! On his hoof! It’s… green!”

“Goose poop,” said Twilight, using her magic to jam the dirty leg back into the suds while ignoring the one that popped out behind her.

“Goose…” Rarity grabbed the bottle of detergent and upended it over the tub, allowing the rest of the contents to glug their way into the water and the suds to froth up even thicker than ever. “I have some plungers for certain stubborn loads, Twilight.” Rarity brandished the rubber-tipped stick and proceeded to put it to use, jamming it down on any parts of Nimbus that protruded from under the growing pile of suds. “I think the other one is on your side.”

“Found it!” declared Twilight, grabbing her plunger and starting to plunge. It took several vigorous minutes until they had gotten all of the plush pony parts submerged enough for her to lock down the lid and turn on the washer, which promptly gave out a loud series of shulg-shlug-shlug noises mixed in with his plaintive cries. “And stop moaning, Nimbus. This will all be over soon.”

“Ahem.” Both Rarity and Twilight Sparkle looked up to see Officer Friendly Smiles standing just a few paces away, tapping her nightstick against her fetlock and most decidedly not smiling.

- Ω - -

“Hello, Twilight.” Princess Celestia’s normally subdued and enigmatic smile appeared slightly stressed, most probably due to the looming presence of Officer Smiles, who had not permitted the Goddess-Empress of all ponies to visit the prisoner without proper supervision. Or it could have been from the hang-dog expression of Prisoner #00021, formerly known as Princess Twilight Sparkle and her accomplice, Rarity ‘Jewels’ Unicorn, the nefarious criminal and associate of the jailed mastermind. The Ponyville jail was a stuffy place, and having two prisoners packed into the sole available cell made the cloying warmth oppressive. Even without the dour police officer and the two Equestrian princesses visiting.

“Officer Smiles tells me that you’ve been rather busy today. No, wait!” Celestia added with a lifted golden hoof to suppress the helpful description that her fellow princess was about to give. “You have the right to remain silent, and I would advise you use that right. After all, it appears you have terribly mistreated one of your dates recently.”

“Very true,” agreed Luna. “Transforming him into a cloth doll and then trying to drown him? For shame, Twilight Sparkle.”

“Your Highnesses,” said Rarity, very slowly. “Nimbus is not a real pony. Twilight made him out of cloth. He really is a doll.”

“Oh, he’s certainly adorable,” said Celestia, lighting her horn. “I don’t know if I’d call him a doll, though.” The floppy cloth figure floated into the jail and dangled in Celestia’s magic, leaving a broad slick trail of bubbles and water dripping off his floppy limbs.

“He just needs recharging,” insisted Twilight. She lit her horn up and the entire interior of the jail blazed with light for a few moments. When everypony’s eyes had readjusted and the blinking was over, Nimbus was standing in the middle of the floor with his usual goofy smile, even if he was slick with soap and dripping.

“Your Highnesses!” he blurted out, dropping to his knees in front of Celestia and striking his forehead on the floor several times with wet splats. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do it! Please don’t punish me! I’ll do anything to make it up to you! Anything!!”

Luna gave her sister a sideways glance. “It certainly appears to be your student’s work.”

“So it seems.” Celestia looked at her dejected fellow princess and shook her head slowly. “Twilight, I cannot believe that you would make a Type Four golem—”

“Type Six,” said Twilight without taking her eyes off the floor.

After a moment to look the cloth doll over, Celestia continued, “Type Six golem, without consulting the proper protocol. There are forms to fill out, and permissions to apply for.” She waved a hoof in a dismissive fashion. “Of course, you have my permission, but it would have been considerate to ask first.”

“I’m sorry,” said Twilight Sparkle in a very, very small voice.

“Very well.” The unlocked jail cell door swung open with Celestia’s magic and the two prisoners slunk out, followed by the doll being hustled in. “There we go,” said Celestia once the barred door was closed. “He shall be locked up for your own safety. You may have him back once you have completed the proper paperwork.”

“Really?” Twilight Sparkle looked up from the floor, her eyes filled with joy and anticipation.

On the other side of Ponyville, still wrapped in the bandages from a recent date, Insurance Adjuster Annuity felt a cold chill go up his spine.

3. Rent-a-Stallion

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Rent-a-Stallion

“Psst! Nimbus, are you in there?” Rainbow Dash peered in the barred window of the Ponyville jail and tried to make sense of the resulting shadows, one of which moved abruptly. “Ahhhaa!!”

The sudden appearance of the soapy doll popping up just inside the window startled Rainbow Dash, making her dart backwards a whole body length and hover. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Did I frighten you?”

“Frightened? Me?” Rainbow flapped up to the window again and lowered her voice. “No way. But that’s not important right now. We need to find some way to get you out of there in a hurry.”

“Does Twilight need me?” asked the doll with perked up ears and a goofy smile, which really was not that much different than his usual sewn-on expression.

“Naa, she and Spike are holed up in the castle, about hip-deep in forms. Fluttershy and I need some help getting her place goose sluiced. We’ve got the clouds set aside, but it’s a three-pegasus job to make sure all the goose goo gets washed away.”

Nimbus nodded. “As long as I don’t get stuck in it again. I think all of the goose has been washed out of me except the down.” The doll stuck one cloth hoof out from between the bars and squeezed, looking a little like a toothpaste coming out from a tube as the second leg came out, then his head, and the slow, squishy progress of his body, until one sopping-wet tail finished the process. “There.”

“Cool.” Rainbow looked over the cloth doll, who was still dripping. “I was going to sneak into the jail and borrow the keys, but this will work.”

“As long as I get back from Fluttershy’s before Twilight is done filling out her forms for my creation,” said Nimbus. “I think she plans on a ‘I bailed my coltfriend out of jail’ date, although that’s probably not a good idea for her position. Are you set to jet?” He crouched and looked over at Rainbow.

“Are you kidding?” Rainbow cocked her wings and crouched next to Nimbus. “One twothreeGO!”

- Ω - -

“Hi Fluttershy! Hi Rainbow Dash! Hi Possible Abomination of Nature That Twilight Created in her Secret Laboratory!”

“I don’t think he can hear you under the raincloud, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash steered the rapidly depleting cloud along Fluttershy’s creek bank, keeping the water flowing with short pokes at the cloudstuff while Fluttershy flew ahead, giving directions. Underneath, the only sign of Nimbus was a soggy tail drooping down, and the occasional leg from where he was agitating the rainwater into a harder-driven spray that would be more effective at removing evidence of the recently departed geese, or as Rainbow liked to call it, residoo-doo.

“We’ll be done after this last cloud,” said Fluttershy, directing the path of the cloud with short gestures. “I just need to get a few last bits of poo washed downstream so my animals can move back in. The water lilies and the moss are going to grow so much with this much fertilizer that I may be able to have even more aquatic animals. Maybe even a family of bitterns!”

“Yeah, thankfully Rarity’s laundry detergent is environment friendly,” said Rainbow. “I think we were still getting suds out of him until a few minutes ago.” She gave one last kick to the cloud and regarded the wet pegasus doll that was revealed when the cloud poofed. “How are you doing, big guy?”

“Wet on the outside, dry on the inside,” pronounced Nimbus, giving his wings a splattering shake. “And clean as a whistle.”

Pinkie Pie bounced across the wet grass, giving a sharp whistle as she passed underneath the three pegasi and skidding down the steep creek bank with a “Wheee!” Nimbus darted down just one wingflap behind Rainbow Dash and the two of them scooped up Pinkie before she could splash into the discolored water.

“Pinkie!” chided Rainbow Dash. “That water’s dirty.

“And you don’t want to see how Twilight and Rarity get you clean,” said Nimbus.

“Oh, I love playing in the tub,” said Pinkie with a bounce once she was dropped onto the grass. “But that’s not what I’m here for. I’m making my special super-deluxe feather-fluffy cupcakes for Twilight’s First Date Without a Casualty party, and they’re so sensitive that I keep burning them or popping them out of the oven when they’re still raw, so I was going to see if Spike could stand in the oven and watch them bake.”

“Um… Pinkie?” Rainbow Dash scratched the back of her head with one hoof, then cocked her head to one side in deep and unpracticed thought. “Come to think of it, Spike can swim in lava, and that’s a lot hotter than an oven.”

“It’s still not something you should have a baby dragon do, though,” said Fluttershy, who landed next to Pinkie with a light squish from the damp grass.

“I can do it.” Nimbus flopped to the grass and dripped, lifting one squishy hoof after another. “Twilight fireproofed me, and Spike tested it, so it I should be fine. Besides, it’s the only way I’m going to get all the way dry after today, and it can’t be worse than the washing machine.”

- Ω - -

“Hello, Pinkie Pie!” Rarity breezed into the Sugarcube Corner kitchen, her steps slowing for a moment as she walked past a stack of perfectly browned cupcakes, then speeding up with louder, intense stepping of each hoof while she approached her friend. Pinkie was hovering (not literally) next to the oven door with a potholder in her mouth, sparing Rarity only the flicker of a glance.

After waiting in vain for the normally talkative pony to begin bursting with words, Rarity wanted to add something like “What are you doing?” It would have been superfluous, because she was obviously making cupcakes, and it was all that Rarity could do to keep from sampling some of the nearer ones. Their golden-brown texture appealed to her eyes, and the scent of fine cake hammered at the mental barriers she was trying to keep in force, but there was something else in the air, a hint of the scent of… ironing?

Then there was a rapid knocking from the inside of the oven, and a voice called out, “They’re done!”

Rarity nearly jumped out of her shoes.

Pinkie Pie moved with practiced efficiency, yanking the oven door and plucking the trays of cupcakes out just a split second before a pegasus came bursting out of the oven door to dance around the kitchen, shouting, “Hot! Hot! Hot!”

“Oh, my!” Rarity hesitated once she recognized Nimbus, because he may have been fireproofed by Twilight Sparkle’s spell, but she was not. She gave the slowing doll a gentle poke with her magic in order to judge his temperature, then scooped up a few potholders to stick under his hooves so he would not discolor the flooring.

“Pinkie Pie! How could you possibly put Nimbus through that, even if he is a—”

“The cupcakes are perfect! Here, try one!” Before Rarity could close her mouth, Pinkie inserted one of the cupcakes that had just come out of the oven. The inevitable burst of heat scorched her tongue, followed by a wave of flavor that put out the fire in a rush of saliva. Between chewing, trying not to drool, and calculating how many hours on the treadmill this was going to cost, Rarity was more than a little distracted.

Not distracted enough to miss when Nimbus fell over on the floor with a quiet thud.

“Oh, no!” Rarity scurried over and gingerly poked the fallen doll. He was still far too hot to touch, but he was supposed to be fireproof, although Twilight had not specified just how much fire he was proof against. Admittedly, he was animated by magic, so Rarity should have been able to do at least some rudimentary testing or checking of his thaumaturgical whatsits, if she had not been sketching dress designs in her notebook that day in class.

“Quick, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie bounced over to the doll and held its head between her hooves, protected by a pair of potholders. “He needs mouth to mouth, just like in the lifesaving class we went to. You start, and I’ll take over after a few minutes.”

She almost got down on her knees to administer the practiced routine which the class had ingrained into a reflex. It was probably because the dummy stallion and the doll both looked very much alike, not because she was starting to think of Nimbus as a real pony.

“Pinkie,” said Rarity with a quiet, deliberate cadence to her words. “That’s not going to help. Remember, Nimbus is a doll.”

“I know that. It’s just that since Twilight is going to be practicing her romance moves with him—” Pinkie fluttered her eyelashes and struck a coy pose “—I thought we should treat him like a real pony. Well, once he was done in the oven, of course. Do you think Twilight will make me a coltfriend like Nimbus? Only I think I’d like a gingerbread pony with gumdrop buttons and…” She trailed off with a distant expression, most likely involving things that Rarity did not want to think about.

She lit her horn up instead and poured magic into Nimbus’ spell. It took several minutes for him to stagger to his hooves and shake his head, and quite a bit longer before she could feel the magic in his fabric body reach anywhere near the potential it had been when Twilight had ‘charged’ him.

“That’s better,” said Nimbus, taking a deep ‘breath’ and moving to pick the potholders off the floor with clumsy fabric hooves. “I was getting a little claustrophobic in the oven when I felt my energy dropping, and I didn’t know if the fire resistance spell would go away too. How are the cupcakes?”

“Divine,” said Rarity. She took a look at where Pinkie Pie was gathering them up and applying vanilla frosting (118 calories per oz) and sugar sprinkles (25 calories per oz normally, but Pinkie was using her ‘special’ sprinkles, which had been compressed to a density normally found in the heart of neutron stars).

“Oh, you can have mine,” said Nimbus, following her intent gaze. “You’re very slender, and deserve a treat.”

“Oh, no no no no… Very well.” Rarity looked at the frosted and sprinkled cupcake that had been pressed upon her and determined that immediate consumption would quite possibly involve a few more calories than if she allowed it to cool slightly. Although the poor pastry was still doomed.

“Actually, I came here to see if you would be willing to help me out,” admitted Rarity, still looking down at the entrancing cupcake. After all, if she were carrying it, Pinkie would not give her a second, or a third, no matter how tempting. “I have a special order at the boutique this evening for a full wedding party, including several suits for stallions, and none of my dress forms are… um…”

“Male,” said Nimbus.

“Exactly. And since you are made of fabric, I merely have to use a few safety pins to adjust your measurements. It would only take an hour. Or two,” she added in the interest of approaching veracity.

- Ω - -

“Rarity?” Applejack poked her nose into the boutique with more than a little caution, because when the muse ran loose in the small building, it tended to suck in any curious onlookers. Close friends were twice as endangered, because they could be convinced through begging and tears to just stay for ‘a minute’ that turned into several hours. Or during one epic fit of creativity, three days.

“Applejack!” exclaimed Rarity, tired but still with enough energy to be dangerous. “You’re just in time. Stand here, please, and hold your hooves—”

“No, I ain’t got time… Well, I suppose… Is that a wedding train? Hey, these ain’t even real flowers.” In moments, Applejack found herself standing stock still while Rarity inserted a flurry of pins into a troublesome hem near her right flank. The wedding dress was embarrassing enough, if not for the handsome stuffed groom in his suit right next to her, who watched his bride with impassive stitched eyes and withheld his comments for a very long time.

“I do,” announced Nimbus, long after Applejack expected the punch line.

“Ah don’t,” snapped the bride. “So don’t get nuttin’ in your stuffed head or— Ow! Consarnit, Rarity. Watch those pins!”

Rarity snickered while folding the hem back. “Hush, darling, and just think of the honeymoon.”

“Neighagra Falls is beautiful this time of year,” mused Nimbus in a far-away voice. “The apple trees are just setting on fruit, and the scent fills the air right up to the jet stream. You can close your eyes and tell which updrafts you are gliding between by the apple variety, all sweet and cloying in one, and with a sharp edge of early pie apples in another. It’s the best time to visit.”

It took Applejack a long time before she could work up a reply, although Rarity seemed lost in a fierce battle with tiny fractions, moving and shuffling pins on the dress like a general would move symbols on a mapboard.

“Ah… was up in Neighagra in spring once.” Applejack gave the cloth doll as good a look as she could without Rarity drawing blood again. “How come you remember that when you ain’t never been outside of Ponyville?”

“It’s part of the spell Twilight used to create me.” Nimbus flopped his ears down and rotated them much the same as a normal pony would, before angling them in Applejack’s direction. “It would have taken her years to build stimulus-response pairs for everything an ordinary pony does, so she did something with magic to let me ‘borrow’ other ponies’ experiences they are not using at the moment.”

“That may be, but I ain’t never been flying over Neighagra in spring.” Applejack frowned in thought. “Then again, there might be some pegasi in town who did. That’s a real popular place around this time every year. You sayin’ you can pick that memory out of one of them?”

“Not quite.” Nimbus used a wingtip to draw a circle in midair. “I don’t know how it works, but I know I can’t pull a skill out of thin air. If I need one and there’s one just sitting around not being used, it just drifts into my head, then back out again when the original pony needs it. For a time this morning, I knew how to make igloos, but I can’t now.”

“Huh.” It was a word that Applejack had resorted to many times when looking at something Twilight Sparkle had just done, because she was not one to use profanity. “Hey, Rarity. When you’re done using Nimbus here as a pincushion—”

“Soon, I hope,” interjected the doll in question with a minor flinch of his left leg, and the arsenal of pointed fashion stuck into it.

“—Ah’ve got a little job for him out at the farm, if’n he’s up to it.”

Nimbus nodded. “I’m always available to help Twilight Sparkle’s friends with whatever they need when Twilight is busy. So long as it doesn’t involve geese.”

4. Field Testing

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Field Testing

“Applejack?” Twilight Sparkle poked her nose in the front door of Sweet Apple Acres’ farmhouse, and the crowded kitchen beyond it. Dawn had broken and breakfast was well underway, with flapjacks, fresh buttered rolls, and an iced pitcher of apple juice, all rapidly vanishing to fuel a hard day’s work.

“Hey, Twilight! Come on in and pull up a plate.”

She did take a step inside, and before Twilight Sparkle realized it, she was seated with a heaping stack of syrup-drenched apple pancakes in front of her. After taking a fork in her magic and proceeding to scientifically divide the flapjack into equal volume pieces, Twilight said, “I really didn’t come out here for breakfast. Although they’re very good,” she added around her first bite.

“Oh, I bet you done showed up to pick up your cloth cutie,” said Applejack.

“Her what?” asked Apple Bloom through the crumbs and syrup smeared across her face.

“That colt she done made in her lab to help with her dating issues.” Applejack stole a brief glance out of the corner of her eye to where Big Mac was sitting rather uncomfortably at the head end of the table. His bandages had been off for several days so far, but his mane still had not quite grown out to its previous ragged length.

“Oh,” said Apple Bloom, “so she won’t be setting Big Mac on—”

“It was an accident,” protested Twilight through a mouthful of flapjacks. “I’m getting much better with Nimbus’ help, so in a few weeks, I should be able to take your brother out for another date without any fire involved at all! You set one date on fire,” she ended with a grumble.

“So you got your heart set on another coltfriend and you’re still plannin’ on taking out Big Mac?” asked Granny Smith with a spark of anger growing in her eye. “Ain’t that a little underhoofed, or is this somethin’ princesses do, like all them handsome stallions Celestia keeps around her boo-dwah?”

The spray of half-chewed flapjacks would have reached the other side of the room, if most of it had not been blocked by Applejack and Big Mac’s faces.

“She doesn’t keep the guard for a harem!” spluttered Twilight. “Well, she might have had intercourse with one or two of them, and heaven only knows what Luna is up to at night, and Cadence… Well, there’s Shining Armor, and… Look, just because the princesses have seeeeeeee….”

Twilight Sparkle liked to think of herself as a teacher. From the glowing expression of anticipatory glee on Apple Bloom’s face, she was looking forward to learning a lesson.

Applejack looked like she was about to take the teacher out back of the woodshed.

“I wouldn’t know,” said Twilight, backpedaling as fast as a clown on a unicycle. “I don’t have any experience in that regard at all.”

- Ω - -

Applejack shook her head while they walked down the sunlit rows of sweet corn, but Twilight Sparkle did not look as if she were enjoying the exercise at all. Twilight’s ears remained pinned flat, and her head hung low in a way that would have prompted a week’s worth of posture lessons from Rarity.

“You just hadja keep digging. Not only did you get ‘the lecture,’ yer gonna have Granny Smith along with Big Mac if’n you take him out for another date. You know, she takes her teeth out and cleans ‘em at the table if she thinks things ain’t going well, don’t ‘cha?”

“No, and I didn’t want to know,” grumbled Twilight.

“Ah reckon we was gonna have to have that talk about the bees and the birds eventually with Apple Bloom anyway. You just encouraged things along, and we got two taught for the price of one.” Applejack cocked an eyebrow at her grumbling friend. “So, did you learn anything from Granny’s lecture?”

Twilight Sparkle flicked her tail viciously at a nearby stalk of corn. “I don’t know why everypony thinks I’m some blushing-cheeked virgin. I know all kinds of things about… that. I read books!” she finished with a defensive snap.

Applejack did not say a word.

“Not those kind of books. Scientific books. With pictures and diagrams!”

“Uh-huh. Maybe you should try some of them other kind of books. When Big Mac got out of the emergency room and back to the house after your date, he spent a long time looking up words in our dictionary. Blushed redder than ever afterwards, and he ain’t never looked at a pump handle the same since.”

“We’ll work on that,” came Nimbus’ voice drifting over the field of corn.

Once they walked around the edge of a clearing in the corn field and saw where the cloth doll was positioned, Twilight Sparkle turned on Applejack like an angry dog. “Just what do you think you were doing with Nimbus!”

“Hey, Twilight. It’s fine. I volunteered when Applejack asked for my help,” called out Nimbus from his perch on the pole. “Besides, I got to spend all night out among the stars, and I made a few new friends.” The doll tilted his head so the hat perched on it went forward and revealed the two fat blackbirds dozing on the rim. “They’re poor conversationalists, but they’re better than geese.”

“An’ they’re stuffed plum full of my corn!” Applejack made a little dance around the clearing while fuming. “Get on outta here, you no-account varmints.”

“Hey, you just said to watch your corn,” said Nimbus, still propped up on the pole above Applejack’s reach. “Whoa!” he added when Applejack kicked the pole and the doll’s perch shifted. “Careful, or you’ll knock us down.”

One last thump of hooves and Nimbus tumbled down with the blackbirds taking wing and flying away. The doll did not fly, but in fact struck the ground with a solid thump and just remained sprawled out across the ground.

“Nimbus?” Applejack prodded the doll with one hoof. “Did I break you? Come on, say something.”

“He’s out of power again,” said Twilight while lighting her horn. “He’s about as needy as some of my dates have been.”

“An’ after I done gave him my second-best hat to wear, too,” grumbled Applejack while retrieving it. “Ah thought it’d give him a little more crow-repelling power than the scarecrow I done had up there before.” She jammed the hat down on the straw-filled dummy at the bottom of the pole, but jumped back when Twilight’s magic surrounded it too, and floated the scarecrow back to the top of the pole.

Nimbus stood up with a stretch and a yawn. “That’s better,” he announced before looking Twilight in the face, then tilting his head to one side to get a better look at a particularly sticky patch of syrup on her cheek.

“Yeah, I’m a mess,” admitted Twilight. “We worked through most of the night to get all the forms done for your creation.”

“Past-due paperwork is the pits,” said Nimbus. “What would you say to a morning at the spa in compensation, M’lady? It’s been a very nice night, but now that you’re here, I’m set to jet and ready to roll.”

“Oh, I couldn’t.” Twilight Sparkle held a hoof to her chest and blinked rapidly. “I mean I need to get back to the castle and make sure Spike is up and at work—”

“The dragon who’d sleep ‘til afternoon if you let him,” drawled Applejack.

“—and I’ve got reshelving to do, and… and…”

“And you’d do all that work instead of going out for a practice date like you made me for?” Nimbus cocked his head almost sideways. “I suppose I could take Applejack instead.”

“What? No!” Twilight frowned, then caught herself. “Oh! You were trying to make me jealous! So neat! I didn’t know the enchantments were capable of that level of subterfuge.”

Applejack did not look nearly so happy. “You mean he’s a liar.”

The doll gave out a short gasp and staggered back with one hoof over his heart… or whatever stuffing he had in there. “I’m insulted! I really am. And I was going to invite you along to double-date.”

“With who?” asked Applejack, before following Nimbus’ gaze upward to the scarecrow dangling on the pole. “Oh, har, dee har har.” She shifted her fierce gaze from the doll to the giggling princess at its side. “Twi, you ever do this again, you make one that don’t look so darned innocent. And keep it away from Rainbow Dash.”

Nimbus, with his hoof still on his chest, turned to the giggling Twilight. “Two of us? How risqué!”

“And Rarity,” added Applejack in a flat monotone.

“As long as I can still be around Pinkie Pie, that’s fine. It helps make Twilight laugh, and making her happy, makes me complete.”

“Well…” Applejack considered the mismatched pair and shook her head. “Ah swear, if’n that’s the only benefit you get outa him, I suppose it’s worth it. You two better get on out to your spa visit. Maybe you can get your coltfriend ironed.”

- Ω - -

The lunch date at the small Ponyville cafe was going quite well, with discussion between two ponies and plates of food to enjoy, until a certain rainbow-maned pegasus swooped down out of the sky and snapped up everything on one plate in a single bite.

Of course, Rainbow Dash promptly landed in the grass to one side of the table and proceeded to hack and gag until she had spit it all back out again.

“That’s wax!” she shouted once she could talk again.

“Of course it’s wax,” said Nimbus. “I needed some food for my plate to balance the table and make it feel more like a real date, so I borrowed some from Pinkie Pie. And I think I owe her five bits,” he added. “She bet that something like this would happen.”

“A date is like a party just for two,” came Pinkie’s voice out of a conveniently placed bush nearby. “Or three, in special circumstances.”

Rainbow Dash joined Twilight Sparkle in a fit of the giggles. “Okay, that does it. I gotta get one of those too.”

“Thought I’d heard you all over here.” Applejack strolled up to the table and looked at the aftermath. “Won’t Pinkie Pie get jealous of you goin’ pranking with another pony?”

“Naa,” scoffed Rainbow with a dismissive flip of the wrist. “I’ll have Twi make me one that looks like Pinkie Pie and her one that looks like me, so when we go out pranking, we each always have a baillie.”

“Alibi,” corrected Twilight through her giggles.

“You can make one of those too? Sweet!” Rainbow Dash punched a hoof into the sky.

“No! It’s… Never mind.” Twilight dabbed her lips with a napkin. “I’m not going to make any more Type Six golems until I know exactly how well this one functions.”

Nimbus cleared his nonexistent throat and ‘whistled’ innocently, which made Twilight Sparkle blush.

“Not that way!”

“Didn’t say a word,” said Nimbus. “Just sitting here.”

“Yeah, you kinda flew right into that one, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash. “Like a pegasus into a skylight.”

“Yep, it was a good one,” said Applejack, with a serious expression. “But it probably ain’t something a polite stallion should do to their date.”

“True.” Nimbus got up from his seat, turned to Twilight, and dropped to one cloth knee. “I am truly sorry about that. I was only born the day before yesterday, but that’s no excuse. Will you accept my apology, M’lady?”

Twilight only blushed more, until her ears were bright red and all of her friends began to intently observe things away from the table.

“Welp, we’re just gonna let you two get on with your morning date.” Applejack hip-checked Rainbow Dash off the chair she had climbed on. “Come on, RD. An’ you too, Pinkie.”

The trio walked for a short distance before Rainbow Dash cast a look over her shoulder and asked, “We’re still going to watch them from a distance, right?”

“Durned tootin,” said Applejack.

- Ω - -

It was a rather subdued group of friends who gathered together at the Ponyville train depot when Twilight Sparkle and her companion glided down to a landing. Pinkie Pie had just finished hanging up her ‘Welcome Back From The Crystal Empire Starlight Glimmer’ banner while the rest of them were just sitting and talking, but all conversation stopped at the same time Twilight did.

“Not a bad landing,” said Rainbow Dash. “You’re getting better at transitioning from a glide to a slow walk.”

“The practice certainly is helping,” said Fluttershy before cringing back. “I mean not that we’ve been watching you two practice flying today.”

“Or walking through the meadow, picking flowers,” chirped Pinkie Pie with a bouncy-bounce that bounded over the both of them, scattering wildflower petals in her wake.

Applejack wisely remained silent, although she did squirm a little.

“I know all of you have been watching us today,” said Twilight, reaching into her saddlebag and pulling out some scrolls. “Even you, Applejack. So I want you to write up what you’ve seen and I’ll add it to my research journal.”

“Ahem,” said Rarity, looking at the scroll with the same enthusiasm she had for burlap cloth. “Does that include the time I saw the two of you behind a bush, rubbing noses?”

The light magenta of Twilight’s magic formed around Rarity’s scroll and fairly yanked it back into the originating saddlebag.

“That sounds pretty interesting,” said Applejack, sitting down and opening up her new scroll. “Lots more exciting than watchin’ them two stroll through Sweet Apple Acres, yakking back and forth. Don’t spare none of the details an’ we’ll get ‘em writ down real pretty for you.”

Applejack’s scroll was reclaimed in a similar manner, then after a moment, the rest of them too.

“Does this mean I’m not supposed to write it down for Princess Celestia?” asked Spike. After a smoldering look in response, he got out a checklist and wordlessly crossed off an item on it.

“Anyway,” huffed Twilight, “Starlight Glimmer will be here shortly, and she will be properly appreciative of my experiment.”

- Ω - -

The train had barely screeched to a halt when the door to the first car sprang open and a unicorn bounded out onto the platform. “Welcome to my adoring fans, young and old. The Great and Powerful Trixie is grateful for this reception, and is willing to sign autographs for a modest sum, so please line up and have your bits ready.”

“Trixie!” shouted Pinkie Pie, bounding forward to give the posing showmare a hug. “Did you bump into Starlight Glimmer in the Crystal Empire and follow her back to Ponyville in order to find out how Twilight Sparkle made a coltfriend out of cloth so you could get her to make one too and travel Equestria with your own assistant who won’t mind if he get sawed in half or burnt a little or collect too much of the gate receipts and run away with the ticket seller again?”

“Uh…” Trixie tried to take a step backwards, but was well and firmly Pinkie-trapped. “Yes?” she ventured with no small amount of hesitation.

“Well, you’re going to have to get in line, because all of us tried him out yesterday, even Applejack, who had him all last night and said he did one heck of a job.”

Going from snickering to choking in one abrupt breath, Applejack spluttered, “That ain’t what happened! Ah had him stuck up in mah orchard all night long!”

Once her mind caught up with her mouth, Applejack promptly reddened up to the point where she was indistinguishable from most of her apples, and might have dug her hole deeper if Starlight Glimmer had not chosen that moment to step out of the train. She took in the gathering of ponies there to welcome her with a growing smile, which only lasted until she spotted Nimbus. Taking two steps forward, Starlight examined the cloth golem with wide eyes before turning to a beaming Twilight Sparkle in a voice just one step away from panic.

“Twilight! What have you done?”

- Ω - -

The reunion had been moved by popular vote to the Castle of Friendship with a little more speed than the paper banner had been able to stand. It now fluttered rather forlornly over the crystal map with Starlight Glimmer’s luggage tossed to one side and Trixie still sulking due to missing her place in the limelight.

“Trixie does not see why you are upset at Sparkle’s new toy. It is rather handsome and well-stitched, although Trixie is quite sure she could do much better, if given the time.”

“Are you having dating problems too?” asked Nimbus. “I would have thought a talented unicorn such as yourself would have stallions lining up to go out with you.”

“Look, Twilight. I know this sounds strange coming from me, but this—” Starlight Glimmer waved one hoof at the stuffed stallion standing stoically to one side “—is not right. It’s not normal to make a Type Four golem with this kind of response pattern.”

“Hey!” objected Trixie. “Let him finish.”

“He’s a Type Six golem, and I put a lot of hard work into him. I mean making him,” corrected Twilight. “It was hard work to get all the spells to work together, and took a lot of magic, but the results speak for themselves. Tell her, Nimbus.”

The doll remained in the same position it had been in after talking to Trixie and said nothing.

“Oh. Heheheh.” Twilight lit her horn and focused on the immobile doll. “Sorry. He takes a lot of recharging.”

“Reminds me of somepony,” said Applejack, giving Rainbow Dash a nudge with one elbow.

After one bright light that made the castle glitter brighter than the sun outside, Twilight swept a hoof in the direction of Nimbus. “See, he’s charged up and ready to go.”

Starlight Glimmer paused and looked underneath the subject of their discussion.

“Not in that way,” hissed Twilight. “He’s going to help me with my romantic inexpertise. I’ll worry about… that aspect of dating later. Perverts,” she finished with a low grumble.

“At least my coltfriend has a pulse,” snapped Starlight, followed by a bright blush and the immediate backtracking. “Sunburst’s not my coltfriend, I mean. He’s a friend, not like this…”

“Abomination of nature?” prompted Spike after a suitable silence.

“Not quite,” said Starlight. “This thing is the end result of I don’t know how many spells. It’s a maze of competing enchantments that you can’t possibly know how or even why it works!”

“Ah,” said Spike. “An abomination of science. Got it.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Starlight abruptly turned to Twilight and gasped, “You’re not sleeping with it, are you?”

Twilight Sparkle fluffed up her wings and scowled. “Of course not!”

“So, do you lock it up at night in a secure chest?”

“No,” admitted Twilight.

“Some sort of shielded enclosure? A locked room? Do you even have some enchanted manacles?”

Fluttershy raised one hoof as if she were about to offer a loan, then slowly put it back down again.

“I’ve got a box I was thinking about using,” admitted Twilight with a pained expression directed at the floor.

“Is that the big cardboard box the new icebox came in, that you stored in the junk room?” asked Spike.

Twilight nodded, a brief motion that could only be discerned by close measurement or long personal experience.

“The one where you put a towel into the bottom?” added Spike with the same slow delivery of somepony putting a stack of wood on a campfire, one stick at a time. “And a bowl of water? Really? I thought you were getting a puppy.”

“Do you want one?” chirped Fluttershy, sitting up with wide-eyed eagerness.

“Not… right now,” said Twilight.

Starlight Glimmer took a deep breath and tapped the chalkboard. “Focus. We’re discussing the golem.”

“So, no puppy?” asked Fluttershy.

“No puppy,” confirmed Starlight. “Now, getting back to the topic at hoof. Where has the golem been stored at night? Other than last night,” she added, looking at a rapidly reddening Applejack.

Spike spoke up before Twilight could say a word. “Before that, Twilight was still locked in her lab, making it.”

“Spike!” snapped Twilight before pausing. “Oh. Yes. Technically true, just… Nevermind.”

Starlight shook her head. “Look, I’ve been in the Crystal Empire for the last few days, and I’ve gotten really familiar with the dark magic used there.”

“Well, that’s comforting to know,” said Spike.

Twilight Sparkle put on her best discouraging expression and said, “Spiiiiike.”

“Anyway,” said Starlight before a conflict could begin, “Dark Magic can be sneaky. Why don’t we sit down with your… thing, pull it apart—”

“Wait a minute,” objected Nimbus.

“—and see what makes it tick.”

Nimbus held up his wrist. “That’s just because I think she may have sewed a watch inside me.”

“We’re not taking him apart,” said Twilight with a sharp edge to her words. “I spent a lot of effort doing Nimbus…. I mean making it. I mean putting Nimbus together. We’re going to go practice dating all day tomorrow if possible.”

“The whole day?” Starlight put on her best skeptical expression. “You’ll catch him on fire or—”

“One pony!” snapped Twilight. “You set one pony… well, two ponies on fire, three at the absolute maximum, and that’s all anypony can talk about! Besides, he’s fireproof.”

“Yep, tried it,” said Spike.

“Well…” Starlight slowed to a halt, regarded the problem at hoof, and gingerly gave it a poke. “Just in the event that he’s dangerous, because you could be wrong, after all. Where are you going to store him tonight?”

“I could turn him into a teacup,” suggested Trixie. “Then we could store him in the china hutch with the rest of them.”

5. I Need a Montage

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
I Need a Montage

Once dawn had broken and Nimbus had been removed from one of the Ponyville Bank’s larger safety deposit boxes (which Starlight Glimmer had reluctantly talked Silver Certificate into and paid for), Twilight and her rather odd date took off on an early morning set of practice dates, including breakfast at the cafe, a morning jog, collecting horticultural samples from the edge of the Everfree Forest, and flying practice.

And following right behind in various forms of disguise, were her friends. At least until late in the afternoon, when they all met at Twilight's castle for tea, and a little dutiful peeking through her telescope for any close-up observations.

“He’s doing a really good job with teaching her gliding,” said Rainbow Dash, standing on the balcony and holding a hoof over her eyes to block out the sun. “Nice technique. Good extension. Very little property damage.”

“That’s the problem,” said Starlight with a frustrated huff of air. “Even a Type Six golem shouldn’t have the ability to use a skill they haven’t been taught. You don’t glide like that, and Twilight’s never glided like that. So where did he pick it up?”

Pinkie Pie staggered forward, walking on her hind legs. “Maybe Twilight used her powers to call a pony back from the deaaaaaaad.”

“Naaa,” scoffed Rainbow Dash, “he doesn’t smell like something dead. And you should have seen him squeeze through the bars at the jail. There’s nothing in him but fluff, but he flies like a pro.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and took a sip of tea. “Fluff and enchantments, darling. He acts and reacts perfectly, quite unlike any other golem I’ve seen. Although I’ve never heard of a type six before.”

Starlight eyed the suddenly reluctant unicorn. “I would have thought that was covered in your magical education.”

“I may—” Rarity coughed gently into one hoof “—have been doodling dress designs in the margins of my notebook that day.”

“Hay, even I know what golems are,” said Rainbow with a thrust of her puffed-up chest. “Cloudsdale has a couple of type fours to send into really dangerous cloud formations, but all they can really do is fly around until the storm spits their pieces out, then the eggheads sift through the widgets they had inside to figure out what they hit. The weather bureau had a type five, but it kept running away from the big storms. Something about not wanting to be disassembled. Type sixes…” Rainbow Dash scratched her head. “You know, I’ve never heard of a type six.”

“That’s because it's theoretical,” said Starlight.

“No, it’s not,” said Rainbow. “It’s Nimbus.”

“The type of golem is theoretical,” corrected Starlight with a short touch of her forehoof to her horn, much the same as when Twilight Sparkle tried to explain magical theory to Rainbow Dash. “Nopony’s ever been able to make one work before without them breaking down and trying to calculate pi to infinity or something. They’re supposed to be marginally self-aware and learn to the limits of their creation.”

“Beg pardon, darling.” Rarity raised a hoof as if she were being called on in class. “Nimbus is a perfect gentlecolt, and by that I mean he’s a gentlecolt. If I were to make a magical creation to simulate the opposite gender, I would inevitably use my own experiences to shape its reactions. Twilight…” Rarity sighed. “Has a rather distorted awareness of the male of our species.”

After a moment of thought, Starlight hesitantly put forth, “Twilight said she used books on etiquette and flying.”

Rainbow Dash scoffed. “You can’t teach somepony to fly like that from a book.”

“Or act properly,” added Rarity.

“Or cook!” said Pinkie Pie. “He knows all kinds of recipes that aren’t in any of my cookbooks.” She paused with a thoughtful expression that had the rest of her friends all take one step back, just in case. “Wait a minute. Maybe Twilight did manage to snag a ghost. He’s got his own sheet.”

“Please!” said Rarity. “That’s not a sheet. It’s some of my best fabric. Or maybe second-best if you count the coloration,” she admitted.

“It’s not the color that done bothers me about him,” said Applejack. “It’s the consistency. Ah mean he said Twilight used some sort of spell to put together all of his reactions and skills into one personality, like he was some average of all the ponies in the area, but he ain’t average in everything. He’s smart on some stuff and dumb on others, like he was real.” She rubbed her lips with the back of her foreleg and scowled. “Too real. Are you sure there ain’t no dark magic on him?”

Starlight Glimmer shook her head again. “No, nothing like that on him that I could tell. There’s a lot of spells in there, though. Maybe they combine to hide something.”

Spike finished refilling all of their teacups before raising one clawed finger. “She wrote down all the spells she used on all of the forms we had to file, in triplicate. We have copies in the library. You could go through them and find out what she did.”

“That’s a great idea, Spike.” Starlight nudged Trixie. “Come on, let’s go by the kitchen to grab a snack, then go take a look at those forms.”

“What?” Trixie stumbled while being hustled along, only to have Rarity move smoothly up on her other side to assist in the propulsion of the reluctant researcher.

“It’s what a friend would do,” said Rarity. “Besides, maybe we’ll find a spell for you to practice.”

“Other than the teacup spell,” offered Spike. “We’ve got more teacups than I know what to do with.”

“You can never have too many teacups, darling. You never know when somepony drops by for tea, like today.” Rarity refilled the tea kettle, then opened up the kitchen cabinet and was promptly buried in teacups.

- Ω - -

It was late in the evening by the time the research session bore fruit, which was not quite the revelation they had hoped for. Paper was scattered across the library table, connected by pieces of string, colorful sticky notes, and at least one streamer where Pinkie Pie had attempted to assist.

“I think we’ve got it,” said Starlight Glimmer, scratching away on a last page of notes. “The spell takes Twilight’s memories, and the books she used, and fills in the holes with ephemeral phased skill motes.”

“What?” Trixie looked up from where she had been closely examining a section of the notes with her cheek. “Run that by me again, Starlight?”

“This part, I think, borrows skills the golem needs from anypony nearby. I think.” Starlight squinted at several paragraphs of magical notation. “She mixed it in with so many other spells, I can’t be sure.”

Spike checked his own notes. “So, if the golem needs to bake a cake, it can steal the cake baking skill from Pinkie Pie—”

“Borrow, and only for a brief time, and only if the subject is not using the skill.” Starlight looked at her notes again, then turned them upside down. “I think.”

“You think?” Trixie stood up with a flourish of one hoof. “That creation of Sparkle’s is currently who knows where, lurking in the darkness until it can destroy all of Equestria, and all you can say is you think?”

“They’re up on the castle balcony, waiting for Luna to raise the moon so they can watch stars,” said Spike. “Drinking cocoa. Well, she’s drinking cocoa. He’s sitting there with an empty mug and a clipboard. Like I used to do,” added the dragon in a much quieter voice.

Starlight started to reply to Spike, then took a deep breath. “Let’s deal with the issue. The combination of this many spells could lead to dangerous interactions. Theory can be so much different than practice when mixing spells.”

Rarity cleared her throat. “Whatever you want, Starlight Glimmer,” she said in a flat monotone.

“Um… Yeah.” Starlight rubbed the back of her neck. “Exactly.”

“So we’re right back where we started, and that’s progress?” Applejack dropped her chin down on the table, disturbing a small flurry of colored sticky notes. “You got a funny way of describing stuck.”

“We know the spell is acting odd, and we’ve eliminated a great number of possibilities why.” Starlight Glimmer floated the checklist out of Spike’s grip. “It’s not the library books she used, or the memory imaging, or any one of a dozen other things. It’s this… ‘knot’ here where all the high-order spells interact to bring in his skills and reactions.”

“An evil knot?” asked Trixie, who perked up at the sound of her specialty. “We could just untie it.”

“Not without breaking Nimbus.” Starlight scowled at the several pages of cramped hornwriting. “And if he’s not evil, there’s no way we could ever get this put back together in exactly the same way once it unwound. Anyway, all we have left is to look over the high-order interactions of all of the spells in his creation to see if there’s anything… evil that could result. I wish I had a top-level magical theorist to work this out with, other than Twilight. She already thinks we’re over-reacting.”

“Magical theory egghead, got it!” said Rainbow Dash. “I’ll be right back with Sunburst!” There was a gust of wind that stirred all of their notes around, and Rainbow Dash was out the door and headed north.

“Wait!” said Starlight a few moments too late. “Oh, fudge. Well, I hope Sunburst understands. I’ll just have to apologize once he gets here. Until then, can anybody think of another magical theoretician who might be willing to work on this?”

“A pony skilled in magic theory,” mused Spike. “I think I may have a solution.” He darted out of the library, only to return shortly with a thick book tucked under his arm.

“Starlight Glimmer,” he said with a flourish, placing the book down on the table, “I’d like you to meet Sunset Shimmer, one of Princess Celestia’s former students.”

Trixie looked down at the book with a wide-eyed expression of growing fear. “I didn’t do it!”

Starlight ignored her and opened up the book. “Oh, yeah. I’ve heard of these. It’s one of a set of magical journals.”

Spike nodded and added, “Sunset Shimmer has one too. Whatever you write in one, shows up in the other one.”

“Oh,” said Trixie. “Trixie knew that. She was just testing you.”

Starlight shook her head. “Let’s get to work.”

6. Sunrise, Sunset

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Sunrise, Sunset

Morning broke over Equestria as the sun slowly rose in the sky. In the Castle of Friendship, it was about the only thing up. Spike had the good fortune to have fallen asleep early, and in the natural cycle of things, was the first one to wake up when a beam of sunlight coming through one of the crystal library windows hit him squarely in the eyes.

He sat up and looked around, taking in the scene of devastation, the mountains of crumpled papers, the empty cups of coffee, and the piles of resulting research. It was about par for the course when Twilight was in full research mode, but instead of a passed-out alicorn under the papers somewhere, there were a number of unicorns scattered around the room. Starlight was face-down on the table with a small puddle of drool growing under the corner of her mouth, while Rarity had claimed the empty coffee pot and was curled up around it dragon-style in a corner.

Sunburst had obviously arrived while Spike was sleeping, and most likely had been plucked from his bed in the Crystal Empire by Rainbow Dash judging by the fact he was still dressed in polka dot hoofie pajamas. He was likewise sound asleep with a book tented over his horn and Trixie draped over his side, surrounded by a number of paper teacups.

He wisely decided not to disturb their quiet time, at least until he could go get a camera.

Instead, Spike slipped upstairs to the roof where Twilight and Nimbus had been stargazing. There, the scene was much the same, with Her Royal Highness of Friendship using Nimbus as a pillow, and the doll unresponsive to a number of pokes and whispers.

“Uglmump.” Twilight Sparkle stirred, moving her nose back and forth with a low grunt, although her eyes remained closed against the sunlight. “Spike?”

“Yes,” answered Spike, sticking the camera behind his back. “Do you want me to get you some coffee, Twilight?”

“Please.” She nuzzled deeper into her pillow, then paused. “Spike, is this Nimbus?”

“Yes.” Spike watched hesitantly when Twilight’s horn lit up, and after a few moments, the doll began to stir. With a similar grunt, he shifted positions and dragged one fabric wing over Twilight’s face to block the intrusive sunshine.

“Better,” she grunted. “Spike. Coffee. Black. Six sugars.”

A short time later once Twilight dragged herself back into the world of the conscious with the assistance of a dragon-brewed cup of inky coffee, she managed to pry one eye open. “Spike, were we out here all last night?”

“Maybe.” Spike eyed the doll, who had struggled to a seated position when Twilight Sparkle had rolled off of him. “Did you take Nimbus for a little flight among the stars last night?”

“No!” Twilight hesitated and took another deep drink out of her coffee cup. “I mean… we may have been flying some last night, but not like that. My friends are a bad influence on you.” She stopped after another drink that drained her cup. “Oh. You meant if we literally had been flying. Yeah.”

Nimbus patted Spike on the head. “Thanks, Spike. Just give her a few minutes to get woke up and we’ll take you with us for breakfast. Sugarcube Corner?”

“As long as you don’t have anything nefarious planned,” admitted Spike grudgingly.

“I won’t even joke about turning into some terrible robot monster,” said Nimbus. “I know that’s gotten all of Twilight’s friends all worked up, so I should be on my best behavior. Particularly with her number one assistant. You know, she talked about you most of the night.”

“Really?” Spike perked up and passed Twilight the second cup of coffee he had brought up to the roof, since the second pony there was of the non-drinking variety. “I thought I was being replaced.”

“Not in a million years,” said Nimbus. “You’re her closest friend, and whenever she finds a real stallion to spend her life with, he had better give you the respect you deserve, or you have my permission to dig me out of the closet and charge me back up so I can give him a talking to. Agreed?”

“Agreed!” Spike took a running leap and jumped on Nimbus’ back. “To Sugarcube Corner!”

“Once Twilight is done with her coffee.” Nimbus looked over at his creator, who had the cup tipped back nearly all the way. “And we should pick up some breakfast for her friends downstairs, too. Are you set to jet, Twilight?”

“Ready to roll,” she declared, setting the empty coffee cup down with the rest of their stargazing equipment.

And the three of them flew away for an epic adventure. Or breakfast.

- Ω - -

Once breakfast was over and enough food had been obtained to fuel even the most studious study group, Twilight Sparkle vanished into the library, leaving Spike and Nimbus outside. It was not all that bad of a feeling for Spike, because all they were going to do in there was speak High Unicorn Theory to each other, and somebody had to watch the subject of their theorizing.

It was worth a walk around the castle and parts of the town, which Spike determined had gotten used to seeing an ambulatory doll from the number of happy waves they got in return, and more than one mare giving Nimbus a contemplative look, as if she were deciding whether to order one for herself.

For Spike, everything seemed backward. Normally, Twilight Sparkle was inside getting all tense and panicked over a spell while everypony else was outside enjoying the day. Instead, she had looked… happy. Maybe there was something to this ‘dating’ thing after all, and as Nimbus had said, there was still a place for a dragon in Twilight’s heart even if a stallion… or mare claimed a portion of it. Or maybe a doll, although that would be weird, even for Twilight.

“Hey, Spike,” said Nimbus while they walked. “Do you know what you call a half-dozen unicorns all furiously studying spells?”

“No, what?” responded Spike out of reflex.

“Friends.” The doll heaved a false sigh that sounded far too real. “It makes me wish I had some.”

“Well, what about Twilight,” Spike responded. “Isn’t she your friend?”

Nimbus stopped and gave Spike a long look from his stitched golden eyes. “You know I’m just a golem. I don’t have any real emotions, so I can’t make friends.”

“Who says you can’t learn? That’s what one of the enchantments on you does. Besides…” Spike hesitated, then let out all of his words in a burst. “I’m starting to think of you as a friend.”

“And a trampoline,” added Nimbus.

“Well, yeah,” admitted Spike. “You are extra bouncy. And friendly. So who says you can’t learn how to make friends with Twilight? She is the Princess of Friendship, after all.”

“I…” Nimbus paused for a long while. “Maybe you’re right, Spike.”

“Right about what?” Twilight Sparkle dropped out of the sky and lighted gently to their side, bending at the knees and avoiding knocking over Spike for a change.

“Right about taking you out for another date,” said Nimbus quickly before Spike could open his mouth. “Are you and the rest of the research group done?”

“Not quite. They want to get a few more readings from you until noon, and then I thought…”

Nimbus grinned. “Lunch, with hayburgers and waffle fries!”

Twilight grinned right back. “I’m glad I created your base stimulus-response programming.”

- Ω - -

After a few more poking and prodding tests for Nimbus in the castle, they had a delightful date at The Hayburger, followed by a quick trip back to the castle for cleanup. The way that Twilight had learned how to wipe her muzzle in the middle of a burger feeding frenzy would have discouraged any real stallion, so after a series of mutual snickering, they each managed to find wet washcloths in the bathroom and checked for burger-splatter.

“Oh, that was marvelous,” said Twilight, who had not stopped giggling since the first burger was served. “Far better than any date I’ve had, ever.”

Nimbus swabbed a bit of mustard off the tip of Twilight’s horn. “Well, do you think that’s because you used to pay more attention to the date itself than to the pony you were dating?”

“No!” The giggles slowly died out until Twilight Sparkle’s face took on an expression of deep thought. The smears of relish across her cheeks only emphasized her sincerity. “Maybe.”

After a little more thought and washcloth application, she added, “Yes.”

Nimbus finished brushing the lettuce out of Twilight’s mane. “So the reason we haven’t had a date disaster today is because you care about—”

“No, I don’t,” said Twilight rather quickly. “You’re just a golem with a collection of really, really clever spells and book contents and what am I saying?” She gave a long, drawn-out sigh.

“It’s nice to be cared about,” said Nimbus. “Gives me a warm glow in my computational matrices.” He paused. “That was a joke.”

“It wasn’t very funny.”

“You probably didn’t put any good joke books into the spell.” Nimbus paused. “That was a joke too.”

Twilight sniffed despite herself, which made Nimbus look around for a tissue. Failing to find one, he paused, then held a cloth foreleg up to her nose.

She blew.

“That was disgusting,” said Twilight with a giggle when she looked at the snot-covered leg, which made Nimbus giggle too, and hold his leg out to be washed.

“I’m never making another one of you,” said Twilight with a laugh. “I could never duplicate the experiment, and whatever I made, it wouldn’t be you.”

Nimbus posed in front of the bathroom mirror. “Of course not. I’m unique. Practically a collector's item.”

Twilight Sparkle’s laugh turned into a giggle-snort, and she dampened her washcloth to clean her creation’s snotty foreleg. “You know, you’re not in Near Mint condition anymore.”

“Don’t sweat it,” scoffed Nimbus. “The geese got me first.”

- Ω - -

That evening, there was a meeting with Starlight Glimmer and the rest of the researchers, including some interested bystanders just in case a party was to break out. Starlight was the first one to step forward and address Twilight Sparkle, with several charts and a few pages of scribbled notes for support.

“Well, we have some good news for you Twilight, and some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Nimbus stuck up one cloth leg. “Can we hear the good news and stop?”

“Sounds good to me,” said Trixie.

“No.” Starlight fixed them both with stern glances. “First, it appears that Nimbus is just like you said, Twilight. He’s a successful Type Six cloth golem, with a few extra features.”

Trixie slowly bent over and snuck a peek under the doll. Starlight Glimmer ignored her while continuing.

“As you said, the spell matrix you created ‘borrows’ Nimbus’ skills from other ponies who are not using them at the moment, but we did some measuring and checked our numbers twice. His base spell matrix would change whenever he shifts primary borrowed skills, and for the last few days, it hasn’t changed at all.”

“That’s impossible!” Twilight Sparkle fumed and pointed a hoof out the window. “If there were ponies around town who he permanently stole a skill from, they would have noticed it by now. Nimbus knows all kinds of things. Except that,” she added with a fierce blush.

“Oh, I know about it,” said Nimbus. “I just can’t do anything about it.”

“Anyway,” said Sunburst, who stepped up to give Starlight Glimmer some well-needed support. “The spell that you used for that combined with a few others to eliminate any distance penalty to that spell mote. Nimbus could have borrowed skills from the other side of the world. A few dozen skills missing inside of Ponyville would be noticed, but spread that out across the world and it would vanish into the background noise.”

“Or the spell could have stolen all of the skills from a single poor pony somewhere,” said Starlight Glimmer. “It’s impossible to tell without the matching subject.”

Twilight Sparkle shook her head. “All of his actions and reactions over the last few days have been too smooth to be the result of random skill borrowing from multiple ponies.”

“Yeahhh,” said Starlight rather reluctantly. “So some poor stallion somewhere has been worthless for the last few days every time Nimbus is active.”

“He would have to be a pegasus,” said Rainbow Dash, then brightened up. “Hey, I got one! Does that mean I’m turning into an egghead?”

There was a very long silence, broken when Trixie stood up and announced, “Trixie has decided she no longer wants to create a golem for a romantic companion.” She then resumed her seat and eyed Sunburst speculatively.

Starlight Glimmer rapidly picked up the discussion. “Now for the bad news.”

“That was good news?” said Nimbus. “That my existence is robbing some pony somewhere of his talents?”

Sunburst nodded. “Actually, yes. You see…”

When the talking stopped and the nervous fidgeting began, Starlight Glimmer pressed forward. “It’s taking more magic to keep Nimbus charged up for less time, isn’t it Twilight?”

“Yes,” said Twilight Sparkle cautiously. “I had to charge him right before we came in here.”

“And really soon, you won’t be able to charge him enough to keep him active at all. It could take as little as a day to reach that point.”

Now it was Twilight’s turn to squirm in discomfort. “Well, I was hoping to see if the spell could be altered to allow for a longer charge.” She stopped when Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst began to slowly shake their heads. “Or maybe if he could carry a power source like a necklace, or… anything, really.”

The doll stood up and regarded the solemn unicorns with an unusually serious expression. “So, you mean I’m going to die soon?”

“Not die,” said Starlight Glimmer. “Just… turn off. And not be able to be turned back on again.”

The doll cocked his head to one side, waggled an embroidered eyebrow, and ran the tip of his fabric wing up Twilight’s side which made her jump with a startled ‘Eep!’

“Then I will have done what I was made to do, and that should be sufficient.”

“But…” Twilight Sparkle stammered, caught between emotions. “I thought—”

With one swift motion, Nimbus ‘kissed’ her on the nose. “Hey, that’s what you made me for. You think too much. I’m here to help you feel.”

“But not in that way,” said Pinkie Pie.

“Pinkie!” protested Twilight Sparkle. “We’re having a moment!”

“No you’re not,” said Pinkie Pie. “You’re feeling bad about yourself because you created this wonderful fuzzy creature, and now he’s going to go away forever, and there's nothing you can do to stop it.”

Nimbus shrugged his shoulders. “Besides, you’ll always have your memories of our dates. And sometime, when you meet your special somepony and get to know him—”

“Or her,” said Pinkie Pie.

“—it will be our lessons together that help keep you from setting him on fire, or drowning him, or—” Nimbus was cut off by a cautionary hoof held across his stitched lips.

“I get the message,” said Twilight.

“Then understand this message too,” said Nimbus, pulling her closer and looking into her eyes before giving her a long, gentle kiss. “I’ve had the most wonderful life a Type Six cloth golem could possibly have, all compressed into a few days.”

Rarity sniffled quietly in the background with the rest of her friends, but Twilight protested, “There’s got to be something I can do to fix—”

“Now, hold on there, Twi,” interrupted Applejack. “Remember what you told us to say about that word.”

“We certainly do,” said Starlight Glimmer, adopting a sing-song voice. “Not everything can be fixed with magic.”

“Yeah!” declared Trixie, then hesitated as everypony looked at her. “Oh. Yeah,” she added in a much less Great and Powerful voice.

“So, what are we doing for our next date?” asked Nimbus, which caused a shocked silence for a few breaths, until Twilight got a look of inspiration, complete with smile, and spoke up.

“How about a picnic out at the lake tomorrow?”

“Sounds good,” said Nimbus with his own growing smile. “Hayburgers and waffle fries for you, a few linen napkins for me?”

“And maybe some flying afterward?” asked Twilight

“But…” said Starlight before she ran out of words.

“No butts!” said Pinkie Pie.

“And no regrets,” added Applejack. “You never know how long you have with your friends, no matter who… or what they are.”

Nimbus nodded. “I cannot think of another way I would prefer to spend that limited time.”

- Ω - -

The next day started off bright and early with the two of them watching the sun rise, an early trip out to Fluttershy’s house to play with the baby chickens, then ice cream and cake for breakfast at Sugar Cube Corner. The day promised to be a wonderful time for both of them, and they pressed as much into the scarce hours as possible with all kinds of dating practice and even a game of Pin The Tail on the Pony, which was a lot more fun when the tail and the pony moved around on their own. Even Rainbow Dash got into the act, and admitted that gliding all the way across town in formation with Twilight and her cloth companion was a fun challenge. Between laughter and fun, the whole day practically flew by…

… until night found the two of them on the roof of the castle, watching the stars and moon proceed slowly across the sky.

“Heck of a day.” Nimbus nudged the star diary that the two of them had been ignoring. “Pretty nice night for stargazing, too. If my date wasn’t so distracted.”

“I’m not distracted,” protested Twilight. “Much.”

Nimbus left the statement stand for the moment and kept his stitched eyes turned to the darkened sky. Only after enough time had passed for the cool night air to give Twilight Sparkle’s coat a little bit of a shiver did he move closer and put a fabric wing over her chilly back.

“You’ve used that spell three times in the last few minutes,” he said in almost a whisper.

“Yes, I know.” Twilight Sparkle snuggled a little closer to him. “It’s fading faster than ever. I don’t want you to go.”

Nimbus kissed her gently on the cheek. “I’m not going anywhere. I wasn’t actually here, remember?”

“Yes, you are!” she protested. “The skills, the… you that you are is all borrowed from some other pony somewhere. I’ll find him somehow, and I’ll have you back.”

“No, you won’t.” Nimbus brushed down a section of Twilight’s mane that had begun to spring up. “Starlight Glimmer said the pony I’m borrowing characteristics from could be anywhere in Equestria or beyond. They wouldn’t even know, and besides, that pony is not me. I’m a mix of your magic, the library you used in the spell, and his characteristics. He probably snores and has stinky wingpits, anyway.”

The dismissive way that Nimbus wrinkled his lips around his sewn-on smile while tossing his mane in the breeze made Twilight laugh despite herself, and a little fraction of the terrible tension tying her guts into knots eased.

But only a little.

Nimbus leaned up against her and shuffled until they were both pointed in the direction of the dawn, still several hours away. He continued in a lower voice, “Even if I don’t see another sunrise with you, our time together just shows that you’ll find somepony who you won’t burn or drown or submit to some horrible indignity. That you can be yourself, and that somepony else can love you for it.”

Although she was still focused on keeping magic flowing into the spell, Twilight paused with her heart in her throat. “You said love.”

Nimbus nodded. “Yes, I did.”

Twilight poured more magic into the spell while she tried to form words, but the spell was decaying too fast, and the more magic she put into it, the faster it faded. Nimbus began to glow with the amount of magic he was absorbing until she could not keep up with the spell and—

—he burst into tiny sparkles, drifting up into the sky until Twilight could not tell where the stars began and the glittering motes of magic stopped.

Her friends found her there in the morning, still crying.

Author's Note

You know, if I was really the cruel, sadistic (censored) that many of you think I am, I’d stop right here instead of just waiting a week to post the final chapter.

...or maybe two weeks.

...or three.

7. Hard Landings

Twilight Sparkle Makes a Coltfriend… Literally
Hard Landing

It had been several days since Nimbus had “gone away,” but Twilight still dragged herself from her sleepless bed early every morning so she could watch the sun rise from the top balcony of her castle. It was a quiet, peaceful, and healing time for her soul to think that somewhere out there, there was another pony much like the golem who had been at her side the last few days and likewise enjoyed their special time together. Her friends had been an endless source of support in this trying time, with Applejack stopping by just after every dawn in order to bring a fresh-cooked breakfast, and even Rainbow Dash putting forth the herculean effort of assembling a morning cloud display for sunrise, although she vanished for intensive naptime later.

Sometimes, Twilight was even able to keep from crying when watching the sunrise.

This morning was not one of those times.

“Hey. Ma’am?” There was a faint flutter of wings outside of Twilight’s tear-blurred vision and the sound of a pegasus settling down on the balcony next to her. He was not the most graceful flier because it took several tries for him to get his hooves settled on the balcony rail, and nearly hit Twilight in the face with one of his wings during the attempt. “Are you all right, ma’am?”

The last few days had been hellish for Twilight to go out in public, because she kept hearing little flickers of conversations and words that made her heart surge with hope, only to have the stallion or mare turn out to be somepony she had known ever since moving into Ponyville. This time, she was almost sure the voice was his, but after Twilight Sparkle blinked away her tears and looked at the concerned stallion, the joyous lifting in her heart sank again. He was a rather ordinary pegasus, of a pale, washed-out shade of what Rarity would call Cantaloupe, but Twilight still thought of as Orange Marmalade, and sported a ruffled dark-blue mane that had been cut short enough that the natural curls in it did not tangle as much as Pinkie Pie’s. Well, that was an unfair comparison. Nopony had a tangled mane like Pinkie Pie. Rarity claimed that at least a dozen combs had been consumed by the fierce manemonster that lived inside it.

Still, he had a very compassionate gaze, even though his sparkling green eyes looked bloodshot and tired as her own eyes must have looked. She wiped away an errant tear and tried to draw herself up in a proper princess pose as Rarity had been training her, although she still must have been a terrible mess. “I’m fine.”

“Fine pegasi don’t sit out on a balcony and cry,” said the stallion. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“No.” As responses went, it was blunt, solid, and unmistakable. Even a Princess of Friendship had times when she felt unfriendly, and this was most certainly one of them. Twilight turned her head and looked back over the Ponyville valley, ignoring the unwanted interruption in her brooding.

“Oh.” There was a faint rustling of feathers, but the stallion did not fly away as Twilight wanted. Instead, he asked, “Can I just sit here for a bit? I slipped out of my room for a quick flight this morning, and I didn’t want to overdo it.”

She did not respond.

“I’m Pyro, by the way.” After a little more silence on her part, he added, “So, do you work here?”

“You could say that.” Twilight stole a quick glance at Pyro, who seemed to be scrunching up his face and squinting at her in the bright rays of morning sunlight. “What’s wrong? Can’t you see me?”

“Not really. The nurses confiscated my glasses to keep me in my room. I’m really, really farsighted without them.”

“Nurses?” Twilight looked over the stallion again, but this time spotted the plastic wristband around his foreleg. “What are you doing in the hospital? What are you doing out of the hospital if you’re injured?”

“It was just another little crash,” said Pyro with a dismissive wave of his hoof. “I was glide surfing this high-altitude Rossby wave last week when it hit an updraft from a high-pressure confluence that tossed me up far enough to black out. Next thing I know, there’s this cute nurse changing my bedpan. It’s been a few days, and they still haven’t let me go back to Cloudsdale or even get my gear back to check the recordings, so I don’t know most of the details.”

“Oh. That still doesn’t mean you should be flapping around town,” said Twilight, feeling defensive, but still curious. “Is taking atmospheric readings part of your job?”

“Cloudsdale Meteorological Office hired me for that, yes.” Pyro stretched out his wings and held them rigid. “The secret to happiness is to find something you love doing and get paid for it. Three days of high-altitude pressure wave surfing gives me about three weeks afterwards to do data analysis and recover from the experience. It’s a Win-Win deal, and I get health benefits. Now,” he added, folding up his wings and squinting to look Twilight in the eyes, “it’s your turn. What has you so down?”

Twilight Sparkle could not look back at his narrowed eyes, but stared down at the balcony floor instead. The leaden lump in her chest that had once been her heart had lightened over the last few days of mourning, but still weighed her down enough that she had not been flying since the last time Nimbus had flown by her side. Fluttershy told her getting that feeling out into the open would help, but Twilight found she could not separate the memories of her far too short time with Nimbus from the sorrow of his passing. Still, it was worth a try, even if she had to confess to a stranger.

“I… lost a friend. Not what most ponies would call a friend, but he was special in a way no other pony could ever match. I’d look into his eyes and see him looking back just like he was real. Sure, he was different, and he frightened some other ponies, and I didn’t get the mouth stitched quite right, but he had a really compassionate heart. Well, not a real heart, because of all the stuffing, but a neuro-thaumic feedback loop with fractal learning adjustment and…” Twilight looked up and caught the expression of pure bafflement on Pyro’s face. “He was a Type Six cloth golem I made to help with my dating problem.”

“Oh!” Pyro blinked several times and squinted harder at her. “You’re Princess Twilight Sparkle. I’ve heard about you. The nurses are running a pool on when your next victim… I mean date shows up at the emergency room.”

“Gee, thanks.” Twilight could not keep the corners of her mouth from tucking into a sharp frown, which she was fairly sure the squinting stallion could not see, but he picked up on her tone of voice entirely too quickly for her comfort.

“Don’t sweat it,” said Pyro with another dismissive wave of his hoof. “I’ve had my share of emergency room dates. I’m pretty comfortable cruising along a Fraffenhoofer eddy at altitude, but I’m a klutz near the ground. After listening to the nurses, I can see why you’d build a golem to practice with. They’re a lot tougher than ponies. We have a couple Type Fours back at Cloudsdale we use for hurricane instrumentation or tornado tracking, but I’ve never seen a Type Six.” The stallion cocked his head to one side and squinted at her. “So, are you feeling better?”

“A little,” admitted Twilight.

“Good. I probably should be getting back to the hospital since they’re probably worried about where I’ve gone. Are you going to be okay?”

Twilight nodded, because she could not suppress the little quaver in the back of her throat that she suspected would start up her tears if she talked.

“Cool beans. I’m set to jet.” Pyro cocked his broad wings and sprang from the balcony, but only managed to get a tail-length away before coming to an abrupt stop and falling. The reason was obvious, because Twilight Sparkle had put one princess-powered hoof down solidly on his tail.

“What did you say?” she whispered.

“Um… Cool beans?” came a voice filtering over the edge of the balcony from where Pyro was dangling.

“No.” Twilight took a quick breath. “The other.”

“Set to jet? It’s just a phrase we use around work, since we’re normally surfing the jetstream.” Pyro wriggled a little, but his tail remained stepped-on and immobile.

“What’s… what’s your name?” Twilight’s voice was very low and trembly, but she lifted her hoof off Pyro’s tail when he flapped up a little and maneuvered himself to land awkwardly on the balcony again. “Your whole name,” she added, nodding at the reddish anvil cloud cutie mark on his flank.

“Yeah, it’s a little long, since my parents were both forest firefighters,” said Pyro. “It’s actually Pyrocumulonimbus, after a kind of cloud that forms during fires.”

“You mean cumulonimbus flammagagenitus, the types of clouds that form over volcanic eruptions or forest fires by twisting ordinary clouds into high-altitude persistent structures, although the Cloudsdale Meteorological Association doesn’t recognize them as distinct cloud types and insists on calling them ordinary cumulous types despite their different internal structure,” said Twilight in a rush.

“You’re right.” Pyro gave a short nod. “You’re the first pony since my parents to know that. I’m just glad they didn’t name me that, or my initials would be CF. That kind of nickname would stick with a pony, particularly since I keep flying into things.” He added a smile and a waggled eyebrow before his expression straightened out into something a little more serious. “Are you feeling all right, Your Highness?”

Twilight nodded again, despite the tightness around her chest and her pounding heart. “Could I… escort you back to the hospital? Just to make sure you get there in one piece,” she added quickly.

“Are you sure?” Pyro squinted at her. “I don’t want to bother you.”

“I… may have an ulterior motive,” confessed Twilight. “It will make more sense if I explain it on the way.”

“I insist on buying lunch if I’m being taken advantage of by a beautiful mare—” Pyro stopped and squinted at her. “At least I think you’re a beautiful mare.”

“I’m a princess,” said Twilight with a subdued giggle that cut through her stress with welcome humor. “When we get back to the hospital, I’ll make the nurses give you back your glasses and you can judge for yourself.”

“Fair enough, M’lady.” Pyro drew a hoof up to his chest and bowed. “But a princess doth not need dine upon meager hospital fare. We can slip out the back door at noon for—”

“Hayburgers?” Twilight felt the first warm smile of several days begin to slip onto her face in stages, a happy impulse made only more rapid by Pyro’s near-instant response.

“And waffle fries!” Pyro stepped off the edge of the balcony at the same time Twilight did and flew by her side, with both of them giving each other enough room for the occasional wobble or bob in their flight path.

“By the way, and just for curiosity’s sake,” said Twilight Sparkle as they glided along, “do you have stinky wingpits?”

“Miss Sparkle, Airflow Monitoring Specialists can be in the air for three days straight.” Pyro gave her a straight look, with one raised eyebrow. “By the second day, everypony has stinky wingpits.”

It made her laugh out loud for the first time in far too long, but she decided not to ask him about snoring. It would wait until later. Or until she found out for herself.