A Bad Decision

by Twifight Sparkill

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Tragedy, Random, Main 6
Length: 1111

• Twilight discovers that some books shouldn't be read – ever.

• Twilight and her friends, much to everyone's dismay, discover that some books shouldn't be read – ever. Despite being a resolute student of the written word, even the most committed bibliophile can lose their way when confronted with the truest of evils. My first attempt at a story, and like my best work ever - ultimately the direct fault of KitsuneRisu, who shall forever be the reason I ever wrote, and sadly the reason why I gave up.

Published 2012-07-20 20:04:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-12 10:13:10 UTC

He Who Shall Not Be Named

A Bad Decision: He Who Shall Not Be Named – by Twifight Sparkill

"T-t-take it easy now, Twilight. Just close the book and step back," Spike stammered.

The library had several occupants this particular afternoon – not just its librarian and her assistant, but five close friends as well. These vaulted Elements of Harmony, responsible for dispatching three of the greatest evils known to Equestria, now gathered about a beloved comrade with concern and trepidation. Twilight Sparkle, their intelligent and thoughtful partner in perils past, huddled frightened against the adjacent wall in sheer terror.

"Get away!" Twilight yelled, unfocused and delirious. "Nopony can help me now!"

The assembled mares and baby dragon exchanged worried glances. None of them knew exactly what had transpired throughout the day to cause such, but all were alerted to some crisis that'd occurred whilst their unicorn brethren had been researching magic. Apparently, a book – some mongrel's tome, ragged at the corners and unsure at the spine, bereft of any conspicuous malice – had somehow managed to reduce their intrepid comrade to a babbling psychotic, barely able to control herself.

Once Spike had sought out the others in lieu of this harrowing predicament, Applejack arrived first and was completely unprepared for her friend's state; though the dragon desperately recounted the events prior, no sensible answer came. Word then reached Rarity, who upon appearance couldn't manage anything to offer in assistance. Pinkie Pie, ever the stoic optimist amongst them all, resorted to tearful resignation. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy completed the collected herd, though neither had much to offer save troubled support.

No, this remained something beyond them all. It was frightening – Twilight was losing them all in a madness of design that none could really fathom.

"Okay," Applejack breathed, rubbing at her temple with a hoof, "what exactly is the situation here, sugarcube?"

"Nothing matters anymore."

"Come again?" the apple farmer cocked an eyebrow.

"Friends don't matter," Twilight whispered in a small voice. "Learning doesn't matter. Family, happiness, love and security; everything is dust. No matter what we do, no matter who we care about or what we discover in ourselves or others, it's pointless – we are nothing."

Rainbow Dash had heard enough.

"What the hay are you talking about?" the pegasus spat, her nose inches from Twilight's muzzle. "You tardy or something? Why are you freaking out?"

"Go on, Rainbow Dash." Twilight fell to the library floor, clinging to herself in desperation. "Go join the Wonderbolts. Live your dream – when you achieve it, it'll be over in what seems like a heartbeat. You'll then be retiring; you'll grow old, you'll die. That's all you have to look forward to. It's all any of us actually have. Think about it, if you can spare the brain cells."

Rainbow didn't respond, save landing on the floor and staring at nothing.

"Darling, you're spouting some confusing nihilistic diatribe," Rarity claimed, stepping past the azure pegasus. "Can't you see past the inevitable and simply enjoy what you have?

Twilight glared.

"Look past the inevitable? That's about as ridiculous as... well, you! We're ponies, Rarity! Why do we even need clothing? You above us all are wasting fleeting talent on this decaying planet! A frivolous exhaustion; stitching up and decorating the walking dead, hoping to succeed against the inevitable? You're a joke, Rarity! You're as useless as they come! Your looks will wane, your abilities shall lessen, and before you can count the moments you'll be breathing your last regretful breath! You're as much a farcical mistake as we all are! You're less than nothing!"

Mouth agape, the white unicorn staggered back a few steps to rejoin her comrades in dumbfounded silence.

"Why? Why why why?" Pinkie Pie sobbed, head held in her hooves. "Please come back Twilight! Go towards the light! Or wait, do you go towards the light or away from it? Hold on... um, if you don't go towards the light, wouldn't it be dark and scary? I don't like the dark! What pony does? I don't think anyone does, actually. Oh! Unless they're a vampire! Hiss! They only go out at night! Well, so do raccoons, but I've never met a raccoon pony..." she droned until silenced by fiery stares from everypony else in the room.

"Um," began Fluttershy, "if you don't mind me saying, that is..."

"You of all ponies understand the value of life, Fluttershy," the librarian indicated, pointing at the pink-maned yellow Pegasus. "You watch animals die all the time! You watch them grow, thrive and accomplish nothing! Death is our reward! For all the suffering, all the fear and the fighting, the only thing we get in the end is rot! Life is a puzzling, pointless struggle that teaches us nothing but pain, and the end result is an eternity of nothingness! Hallelujah! Your pets will eat you when you die, you know, if only to further their brainless march to the same fate – have fun being rabbit food!"

Fluttershy elected not to complete her initial remark, instead shuffling next to Rarity and staying quiet.

"Hold on here a second," Applejack finally growled. "Ah've had just about enough of yer bullying everypony about dying and what have you! Snap outta this, Twilight! This ain't like you! We're trying to help you! Why're you bein' like this?"

"Oh Applejack," Twilight purred, regaining her footing. "You who provide the unwilling dead with tasty apples – mere fuel for the walking carcasses we all are! You're not a farmer, you're a soulless enabler! Filling our stomachs with sugars and sustenance as we stagger through the trivialities we pretend are lives? You're a monster! Worthless tender of the land, sower of deceit and lies, don't you know apples grow without your squandered help? You're pitiful!"

With that being said, the apple farmer cuffed Twilight hard upside the head. The lavender librarian crumpled, landing in a heavy heap at Applejack's hooves. The gathered ponies and dragon all gasped for the suddenly violent spectacle, gawking at the unconscious Twilight.

"Buck you," Applejack snorted. "Y'all got a screw loose. Spike, you better send a letter to the princess while our friend here has still got all 'er teeth. In the meanwhile, let's let her be girls. Ain't nothing we can do about this on our own."

As the ponies were ushered out, Pinkie had a thought to check the compendium that'd started this whole debauchle. Wiping her eyes, she turned the book in her hooves.

"... Decision Points, by George W. Bush," she read aloud." We're lucky that she didn't kill us all outright, to be fair."

The End.