You're Dead, Twilight

by DwarvishPony

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Romance, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 7389

Twilight dies. Unfortunately, she chooses to haunt Rarity.

All Rarity wanted to do was mourn the loss of her friend. Twilight Sparkle's ghost has made this a rather difficult thing to accomplish. Good thing Rarity's in denial about the spirit following her around.

Published 2017-11-30 21:40:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-11-30 21:40:06 UTC

Oh, the Things Left Unsaid

Rarity often forgot how much she appreciated a good bottle of wine. This particular vintage was perfect, as far as Rarity was concerned. Just the right balance of flavors danced upon her tongue, washing away her troubles. She particularly enjoyed the hint of lilac. It was the metaphorical cherry on top of her wine sundae.

She took another swig straight from the bottle as a purple flash of light announced the arrival of Twilight Sparkle.

“Rarity, did I loan you my book on Prench fashion by any chance? I can’t seem to find it.”

Rarity lazily looked over at Twilight with a lopsided smile. “Twilight, darling, I see the wine is doing wonders. As for the book, yes, I did take it. I was trying to find the perfect design for a funeral I must attend the day after tomorrow.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Twilight’s ears flattened against her head. “Were you close to them? The pony who died?”

“Truthfully, I wish we had been closer than we were.” Rarity lamented, swirling the bottle of wine with her magic. “I’m going to miss you, Twilight.”

“You have my condol— wait, what?” Twilight blinked at Rarity. “Am I missing something here?”

“Twilight, darling,” Rarity sighed and took another swig from the bottle, “you died yesterday.”

“That’s not very funny, Rarity.” Twilight scowled. “Death isn’t something you should joke about.”

“If only I were.” Rarity finished the bottle, smacking her lips in a rather uncouth manner. “Sadly, I am not. You died yesterday, Twilight. Crushed by a bookshelf in your library, ironically enough.”

“Rarity, I’m not kidding, this really isn’t—”

“Do you know what my biggest regret is? I didn’t get the chance to jump those royal bones of yours.” Rarity hummed lasciviously. “I’ve fantasized about it quite often, you know. My favorite would have to be you and I sharing a picnic under the moonlight. Just us, becoming one under the stars…” A dreamy expression settled on Rarity’s face as she lost herself in her thoughts.

Twilight cleared her throat awkwardly, unable to hide the furious blush on her face.

“Oh, you’re still here? I suppose it’s not an altogether unpleasant hallucination. I’d rather have the real Twilight back, though.”

“Rarity, I am the real Twilight. I’m not dead.” Twilight smacked a hoof against her forehead. “Look, why don’t you just sleep this off? I’m sure you’ll be thinking clearly once the alcohol has a chance to work its way through your system.”

“Hmm, perhaps a nap would do me some good.”

“That’s it, just close your eyes. I’ll be back in the morning to check up on you.”

Rarity let herself drift to sleep, murmuring something to herself as the sandmare took her to dreamland.

***

Rarity’s stomach lurched as she opened her eyes. As the world struggled to right itself, Rarity stumbled into the bathroom and miraculously managed to get a cold shower running. She let the water run through her mane as she steadied herself with a hoof against the tiled wall.

“Rarity, darling, you must get ahold of yourself. A lady of your caliber shouldn’t be wallowing right now,” Rarity scolded herself as she regained her bearings. “Last night was a one-time self-indulgence.” She promised. “No more! If somepony were to find out you spoke to your imagination while you were inebriated, think of the scandal! They’d think you mad!

“You must be stronger than that. If not for yourself, then do it for Sweetie Belle. She was Twilight’s friend, too.”

Rarity was silent after her tirade against herself. She stepped out of the shower, wrapped her mane and tail in towels, and stepped over to her mirror to apply make-up. A flash of purple light in front of her brought Twilight into view.

Rarity screamed and clapped a hoof over her mouth, losing control of her magic and dropping her mascara.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, Rarity.” Twilight grinned sheepishly. “I just came to check up on you. And to remind you that I’m not dead.”

“I’ve gone mad, haven’t I?” Rarity mumbled more to herself than anything.

“I don’t think so?” Twilight cocked her head to the side. “But if you wanted to be sure, there’s a gamut of psychological tests we could run to determine if you are mentally ill.”

“You even talk like she did…” Rarity crouched down and shakily picked up her mascara bottle between her teeth. She couldn’t trust her magic right now.

“Talk like who did?”

“Twilight.”

“I am Twilight.” Twilight scowled.

“No, no…” Rarity shook her head at the hallucination. “Twilight passed away, I’m afraid. Clearly I’m not taking the news as well as I thought.”

“Rarity, look at me. I’m. Not. Dead.”

“And you decided to prove this by poking your head through my bathroom mirror?” Rarity mused dreamily. “I think I’m going to lie down. I don’t believe I’m in any condition to open the boutique today.”

Twilight looked down at herself as Rarity trotted from the bathroom. She was, in fact, sticking her head through Rarity’s bathroom mirror.

The sounds of hyperventilating made their way from the bathroom, followed by an ear-splitting shriek. Twilight darted out of the bathroom and over to Rarity, who had just lied down.

“What’s going on?! Rarity, why am I walking through solid objects?” She started walking in circles. “There has to be a logical explanation for this. M-maybe I messed up the teleportation spell? It could explain the inherent lack of a completely physical form. You can see me, though, so I’m at least visible to others.

“Astral projection! That would explain it. This is just a projection. My body is safe and sound back in the library, waiting for me to return to it!” Twilight nodded to herself. “Rarity, I need you to help me get back into my body.”

“Hmm? Oh, sorry darling, but I’m afraid what’s left of your body is being readied for the funeral. Poor Spike had to scrape you up with a snow shovel. He hasn’t been handling things well, from what I hear. Applejack’s been taking care of him since you died.”

Twilight blanched, frowned, and then sternly glared at Rarity. “Show me.”

“Beg pardon?”

“This isn’t funny, Rarity. If I really did die, then show me my body.”

“You want me to show you… your body.” Rarity rolled onto her side and stared at Twilight. “Just to be clear, you want me to show you, a hallucination, the mangled form of the most amazing pony I’ve ever met just to prove that she is, in fact, deceased?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, dear…” It was Rarity’s turn to go pale, an impressive feat considering her white coat. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Twilight stamped a hoof and scowled at Rarity. “If you don’t do this for me, I’ll… I’ll… I’ll start reciting the complete history of Equestria and not stop until you do.”

“Considering I don’t know the entire history of Equestria, I’d almost be tempted to let you try.” Rarity smiled smugly for a moment before her brow furrowed. “Oh, dear… I’m arguing with my imagination, aren’t I?” She rolled over, muttering to herself as she magicked her blanket over her head.

“Rarity, I’m serious! I will do it.” Twilight growled. “And if I am dead, it means I won’t have to pause for breath. I can literally do it forever.”

“I can’t hear you, I’m sleeping in!” Rarity huffed. Twilight inhaled deeply and let out a long sigh. Rarity had to give herself some credit. For a hallucination, it was a remarkably accurate depiction of Twilight Sparkle.

“Equestria was founded at the Cave of Friendship, where Clover the Clever and her friends took refuge to try to survive the Windigos that had frozen over much of the world as they knew it…” Twilight began droning on.

Rarity tugged a pillow over her head to drown out the noise.

“After Discord’s defeat, Equestria knew an era of peace that lasted…”

Rarity magicked her record player on from her bed and the sounds of sultry jazz started to fill the room.

“... that’s when Princess Luna became Nightmare Moon…”

The music got louder.

“... Celestia was forced to banish her own sister to the moon for a thousand—”

“For Celestia’s sake! Will you shut up?!” Rarity hurled her pillow across the room with her magic, where it passed harmlessly through Twilight and landed on her vanity.

Twilight slowly looked behind her and then back at Rarity. A quizzical frown formed on her muzzle as her gaze dropped to the floor. Finally, she looked back to Rarity.

“Did… did that pillow just go through me?”

“That tends to happen when you don’t exist.”

“But I do exist! Rarity, what’s going on?” Panic started to creep into Twilight’s voice.

“Haven’t we been over this, darling?” Rarity sighed and turned off the music. “You’re dead. I’m not taking the news well. You’re a hallucination.” She rolled out of bed, crossed the room, and opened a vanity drawer, drawing a bottle of wine from its depths.

“Rarity, it’s eight in the morning.” Twilight said flatly.

Rarity looked at the bottle and swirled it with her magic, debating with herself. “You’re right. I suppose I did promise myself to not over-indulge again whilst I showered.” The bottle went back into the drawer.

“Since you’re up,” Twilight trotted around Rarity, planting herself between the mare and her bed. “how about we go see my body. I need to figure out what’s going on and, more importantly, how to fix it.”

“Twilight, I don’t know if I can handle seeing you… like that.” Rarity chewed her lower lip. “Besides, I don’t think dying is something you can fix.”

“Rarity, you’re taking me.” Twilight warned. “If you don’t, I’ll continue your lesson on Equestrian history.”

Rarity weighed her options carefully. On one hoof, she’d have to listen to her subconscious reciting everything she’d ever learned about history. On the other hoof, she would be forced to see Twilight— She shook her head, refusing to think any further on the subject of her dear friend.

“In the first year of Nightmare Moon’s banishment…” Twilight decide for Rarity, subjecting her to the most complete history lecture she’d ever had to listen to.

This continued for hours.

It continued through breakfast, a quick meal of cold oatmeal.

It continued the entire walk to the schoolhouse where Rarity dropped off an unusually quiet Sweetie Belle.

It even continued through Rarity’s emergency spa visit, where everypony around her seemed to ignore the purple alicorn in the mud bath with her.

“Fine!” Rarity threw up her hooves, sending Opal scurrying from the room at breakneck speeds. “I’ll take you to see her! Just… please, stop speaking.” She rubbed her temples in a vain attempt to massage away her headache. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

The walk to Gluey Pines Mortuary was too short, as far as Rarity was concerned. Sooner than she liked, she and ‘Twilight’ found themselves walking up the gravel path to the grim-looking building. Twilight Sparkle was in there.

A lump formed in Rarity’s throat, and the temptation to sprint back home and cry into a tub of ice cream grew stronger with every step.

“It’s okay, Rarity.” Twilight hesitated up ahead, looking back at her. “You can do this.”

A warmth blossomed in Rarity’s chest, and she resolutely pressed forward, head held high.

“Excuse me?” Rarity asked softly, drawing the attention of a cheerful-looking stallion. “I was wondering if you could help me?”

“I’m sorry, we don’t bury the living.” The brown earth pony chuckled.

“Excuse me?” Rarity recoiled slightly, wrinkling her muzzle in disgust.

“Sorry, just a bit of mortician humor.” The earth pony straightened his spectacles and let his smile fall. “How may I help you today?”

“I was wondering— hoping, really, that you would allow me to see my friend?” Rarity timidly pawed at the wooden floor. “I need a bit of closure.”

“Normally we don’t allow anypony to see the body before the funeral. The recently deceased tend to look… well, bad. We like to make the dearly departed presentable so that nopony has to see what death can be like. I hope you underst—”

“Please! Twilight meant the world to me, and this may be the last chance I have to see her.”

The earth pony’s mouth opened and closed, settling into a pitying frown. “You are aware of the circumstances surrounding the princess’s death, yes?” Rarity nodded solemnly. “Princess Sparkle is,” he sighed, “going to have a closed casket funeral. I’m afraid there’s just nothing to be done.”

“I’m aware that she was crushed. I know what to expect when I see her.”

“I’m not sure anything could prepare you for… that.” The stallion shook his head. “I’m sorry, but—”

“I’ll pay you! Name your price. I just need to see her with my own eyes.”

“Crushed raspberries.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.” Rarity cocked her head to the side.

“That’s what the princess looks like. Crushed raspberries. The fact that somepony managed to scrape up enough of her to bury is a miracle, let alone the fact that there’s enough to identify the body. If her cutie mark hadn’t survived—” He paused, words failing him as he looked back at the crying mare before him. He let out a long sigh. “Alright, I’ll let you see her. But don't say I didn't warn you.”

Rarity nodded and followed the mortician as he lead her down to the basement.

It was a much different atmosphere downstairs. While the upstairs was decorated with fresh flowers and a pleasant wood paneling, the basement was a cold and unfeeling space. Beakers of liquids lined shelves. On one side of the room, a wall of drawers with nametags on the front stood ominously before Rarity.

Twilight followed behind the pair, her ears flat against her head.

“She’s in here.” The earth pony waved a hoof at a drawer labeled with Twilight’s name. “I’ll… give you a moment.” Hoofsteps echoed back at Rarity as the mortician trotted upstairs.

Rarity swallowed the lump in her throat and stared at the drawer. She was rooted to the spot, unable to push herself those last few steps to open the drawer. Opening the drawer meant facing the truth, meant admitting that Twilight Sparkle was truly gone.

“Rarity?” Twilight frowned and stepped up next to her. “Do this for me? Please?” Twilight tried putting a hoof on Rarity’s shoulder, only for it to pass through. It tingled.

Rarity sighed and magicked open the drawer, but didn’t step closer. “I wanted to tell her, you know.”

“Tell me what?” Twilight took a step forward, but hesitated when Rarity spoke.

“That I cared for her. That I had these feelings. Twilight Sparkle was… well, she was magical, if you’ll pardon the pun. She radiated beauty without realizing. She was everything in a mare that I wanted, and I couldn’t tell her.

“I often considered telling her how I felt, but I could never get the words out.” Tears started to stream down Rarity’s muzzle, ruining her mascara. She didn’t care. “Oh, the things I would have done to her if I had the chance.”

Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Rarity, I am right here,” she said with red coloring her cheeks.

“You’re not really her, though.” Rarity waved a dismissive hoof. “I really do regret not making a move. I daresay Twilight would have probably been my first. I wanted to do things to her that would make the princesses blush— things that would make it impossible for Twilight to look Princess Celestia in the eye.” Rarity was rambling now, ignoring the horrified expression on Twilight’s face. “I may not be an experienced mare, but I have books, ideas, and an open mind. Do you think Twilight would have been open-minded, too?”

“I’m sure she would have been curious, for academia's sake if nothing else.” A voice from the doorway answered Rarity’s question.

Rarity froze, her face mirroring the horror on Twilight’s. She turned around very slowly, throwing herself into a deep bow when she saw who had answered her.

“P-P-Princess Celestia! I— how long have you been here?” Rarity’s face burned with humiliation. Maybe there was an empty drawer for her to crawl into and die of embarrassment in?

“Long enough.” Celestia held a remarkable poker face. “I had to see her for myself. I see I was not alone in my necessity.”

“I’m so, so sorry, princess. I thought I was alone! If I had known—”

“Rarity, don’t worry. I’m intimately familiar with death and the many ways my little ponies cope with it.” Celestia slowly walked past Rarity and looked down into the drawer. Twilight timidly followed and carefully peered at her own corpse.

“Oh, Twilight… I had a feeling that if anything were to happen it would be like this.” Celestia said down at the purple mass before her. “One of the most brilliant minds I’ve seen in centuries, magical power to rival Starswirl the Bearded, and one of the only ponies in Equestria to ascend to alicornhood… ended by a bookcase.” A sad smile crossed her face. “I should have known books would be the death of you. You never could put down a good book. How fitting that books would be the thing to put you down.”

Twilight stood nearby, hyperventilating in the corner of the room while she paced in circles.

“That’s me. I’m in a drawer in a morgue. I’m dead!” Twilight continued pointing out the obvious, so Rarity ignored her for the time being.

“Princess Celestia, you seem to be taking this rather well.” Rarity blinked in surprise.

“I told you, I am well-acquainted with ponies dying around me. It is something I’ve had many years to come to terms with.”

“But, won’t you miss her?”

“Of course. Twilight was a very dear friend, and a wonderful student, but ponies die, Rarity.” Celestia said evenly. “What sort of ruler would I be if I broke down into tears every time somepony I knew died?”

“That’s terrible! You can’t honestly tell me that you’re okay with Twilight dying!”

“Of course not.” Celestia closed the drawer with a hoof. “Twilight’s death is a tragedy, and I will miss her dearly, but Equestria still needs a ruler. And a ruler cannot stop the country to mourn one pony.”

Celestia moved past Rarity again, pausing in the doorway. “You have my deepest sympathies. I’m sure Twilight would have been overjoyed to know she had somepony like you to love her.” She strode out, leaving Rarity alone with Twilight and her existential crisis.

“Rarity, I’m dead! How am I dead? I didn’t even know alicorns could die!” Twilight crossed the room and tried grabbing Rarity’s shoulders, only to pass through the mare again.

“A bookcase, remember?” Rarity droned. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home now. It would be fabulous if you would leave me alone.”

“Leave you— Rarity, don’t you get it? I’m dead! Deceased! I have shuffled off my mortal coil and I’m still here!” Twilight gasped and brought a hoof up to her mouth. “Celestia didn’t notice me at all, did she? She couldn’t see me! Rarity, you’re the only one who can see me!”

“Of course,” Rarity turned away and headed for the exit. “you’re merely a figment of my imagination, after all.”

Twilight stomped past Rarity and stood in her path. “I’m not in your head, Rarity. I know more about Equestria’s history than you ever could, remember?”

“I could have easily forgotten all of that in lieu of more important topics. That doesn’t mean I never learned it, Twilight.” Rarity waved a dismissive hoof and walked through the other mare.

“Wait! What if I told you something nopony else knew? Something that only Twilight Sparkle could possibly know?”

“Please, don’t do this to me. I know everything you do.” Rarity’s voice echoed off through the hallway. She trotted up the stairs and out into the cool evening air, pausing only long enough to thank the mortician.

“I write Daring Do erotica!” Twilight shouted down the path at Rarity.

Rarity paused. Her ear twitched ever so slightly.

“It’s true! I have an entire story about Daring Do and Rainbow Dash being intimate with each other!” Twilight’s face glowed red in the waning daylight. Was it humorous that Rarity's imagination could blush? “I have it hidden behind a loose stone behind my headboard in my room! I touch myself to it sometimes!”

“That has got to be the worst thing I’ve ever thought about Twilight.” Rarity mumbled to herself as she shook her head. “I can’t believe you, Rarity. Spoiling Twilight’s memory with such ribald thoughts.”

“It’s true!” Twilight raced to catch up to Rarity. “Go see for yourself. Check my bedroom. Then you’ll know I’m real.”

“I am not going to root through Twilight’s things simply because I’m imagining that she may still be here in any sense.” Rarity scowled.

***

“Starlight, darling, how are you holding up?” Rarity smiled sweetly at a brooding Starlight Glimmer.

The other mare looked terrible. Dark circles under her eyes betrayed her lack of sleep. Her hair and fur were disheveled, and the faint aroma of body odor wafted from her. Clearly she had not taken the news of Twilight’s death well.

“Well, my best friend and mentor died in the library, so… not good.” Starlight stared flatly at Rarity. “Is this important, Rarity? I have a lot of moping to do.”

“Starlight, who’s at the door?” A voice called from down the hall. Starlight cringed.

“Rarity!” She called back to the voice.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t want to include her in our efforts to console you!” Trixie yelled back down the hall.

“Oh,” Rarity’s eyes went wide. “I promise not to intrude. I borrowed a book from Twilight and it didn’t feel right to hold onto it.” She held up the book on Prench fashion for proof.

“Tell her to stop doing things with Trixie in my castle!” Twilight hissed. “The thought of Trixie being intimate in my home is...” She shuddered visibly.

“I guess you can come in really quick.” Starlight stepped aside for Rarity to enter, trotting just behind her as they headed down the castle halls. “I’m gonna get back to—”

“Trixie found the feather duster, Mistress Starlight!”

“That.” Starlight flushed and picked up her pace, leaving Rarity alone.

“I can’t believe them! I’m not even buried and they’re already fornicating in my castle!” Twilight fumed. “Rarity, do something!”

“Two problems with that, dearie. One, I’m here to drop off a book. Two, you’re a still a figment of my imagination.” Rarity flicked her tail through Twilight’s muzzle to prove her point. “One I should be spending less time speaking with, honestly.”

Twilight stopped, looking genuinely hurt by Rarity’s words. Rarity didn’t give herself the satisfaction of worrying about an imaginary Twilight.

When they reached Twilight’s room, Rarity set the book and the nightstand and immediately turned to leave. She paused, one hoof raised in the air, as she looked around.

The room was virtually untouched. A mirror held photographs of Twilight and her friends, all smiling joyously. Twilight’s desk had a half-written list of something or other, a quill and inkwell waiting patiently next to it for a writer who would never return. Her bed was pristinely made with the blankets smartly tucked in.

“I see Shining taught you how to make a bed.” Rarity smile wistfully, running a hoof along the length of the bed. “Oh, It is so like you for everything to have its place.” She lay her head against the bed, letting tears spill out unbidden.

“Rarity? Are you okay?” Twilight let a hoof hover as close to Rarity’s shoulder as she could without it passing through the mare.

“I’ll be alright, Twilight… eventually.” Rarity sighed. “It just hurts to lose somepony you love.”

“I know, but I’m still here in spirit. Literally!” Twilight grinned just a little too widely. “And I’ll prove it if you check that loose stone.”

“I’m not tearing apart Twilight’s room—”

“My room,” Twilight corrected.

“... just to try and find some glimmer of hope that I haven’t lost her.” Rarity continued through Twilight’s interruption.

“Rarity, if you don’t do this for me I’ll start reciting history again. And I won’t stop until you check.”

“Fine.” Rarity huffed, wiping away the tears with a hoof.

To Rarity’s surprise, there really was a loose stone behind Twilight’s headboard, with just enough room between the wall and the bed to slide free. Curiosity drew her closer, and Rarity found herself peeking through the gap and extracting a parchment from the hidden cubby.

“Daring Done.” Rarity raised an eyebrow at Twilight at the title. “‘Daring Do trotted into her hotel room and slipped out of her silky red dress, satisfied with another successful treasure hunt.’

“‘I have been waiting for you, Daring Do.’ a smooth voice called from the bed. It was Caballeron, smiling seductively with rose petals scattered around him.’” Rarity sighed and gave a flat stare to the purple alicorn. “Really, Twilight?”

“What?”

“There’s no setup here, just an off-hoof mention of a treasure hunt. I’ve no investment in a story that just jumps straight to the juicy bits.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “This is a lower caliber of work that I’d have expected from you.”

“So you believe me?” Twilight grinned hopefully.

“Oh, heavens, no.” Rarity waved a dismissive hoof. “It doesn’t surprise me at all that Twilight would write Daring Do erotica.” Twilight’s face fell as Rarity floated the story back into its cubby. Two more rolls of parchment fell out in the process. “Oh! There’s more in there.”

“No there’s not, you don’t need to look at those!” Twilight flung herself bodily onto the new scrolls, failing to hide them as Rarity reached through her and opened the first up.

“‘Over a Barrel.’” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “‘Applejack smiled and wiped the sweat from her brow as the sun set over Sweet Apple Acres—”

“Don’t read that!”

“... ‘Rainbow Dash swooped down from the sky. “Sup, babe?” she asked coolly. “Nothin’ much, sugar cube. Just waitin’ for you to get here. The barn door’s wide open for yo—’” Rarity’s eyes went wide and she tossed the scroll away in revulsion. “Twilight wrote this smut about our friends?!”

“No! It’s not what it looks like!” Twilight scrambled to hide the other parchment. Rarity lifted it with her magic through her.

“‘Fluttershy Leans In.’” Rarity narrowed her gaze at Twilight. “Are there more of these?”

“No!” Twilight blurted out.

Rarity peered down the crack between the wall and bed in an attempt to see into the wall cubby. When that failed she moved the bed, grunting with the effort, but revealing a much deeper hole than she would have guessed. She reached a hoof in and scraped out a few more scrolls.

“‘Party of One’, ‘All Bottled Up’, ‘Rarity Takes Manehattan’?!” She looked at the alicorn, who looked to be trying to disappear into her desk to escape Rarity. “Really, Twilight? You wrote erotica about me?”

“Maybe…” Twilight squeaked.

“Wait,” A lightbulb went off in Rarity’s head. “I would remember this. But that would mean you know something I don’t.” She started pacing and her brow creased. The wheels began turning in her head. “But the only possible explanation for that would be that I’ve either gone mad or… or…” Her shriek echoed through the castle.

“What?! What’s going on?” Starlight barreled into the room, looking around wildly for whatever could have made Rarity scream. “Are we under attack? Is the castle on fire?”

“Starlight! You’re never going to believe this, darling, but I’m being haunted!”

“Haunted.” Starlight echoed, clearly unamused. She kicked a scroll on the ground and raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure you didn’t just knock over a basket of parchment?”

“Rarity, don’t let her read those!” Twilight waved her hooves frantically in Starlight’s face to no effect.

“Read what?” Rarity asked, her fear momentarily replaced by confusion.

“Read... what?” Starlight looked at the parchment she’d kicked and floated it into the air, unraveling it once it was at eye level. “This?

“‘“Now, let Trixie show you why she is known as Great and Powerful, my Starlight Glimmer.” Trixie ran a hoof up Starlight’s flank...’” Starlight looked up at Rarity with wide eyes. “She was spying on us?!” She crumpled the parchment and hurled it across the room with her magic, where it burst into flame. “I can’t believe her!”

“Wait, what?” Both Rarity and Twilight asked at the same time.

“Trixie’s going to gloat so hard over this. Rarity, you can’t tell her, please!” Starlight grabbed Rarity by the the face and pulled her close until the were muzzle to muzzle.

“Alright, Starlight, I promise.” She rubbed her cheeks until the feeling came back to them. “Besides, I seem to have my own things to deal with. Twilight won’t leave me alone, despite my best efforts.” She glanced over at the alicorn, who didn’t seem to be taking the revelations about her former student well.

“I’m sorry, what?” Starlight tilted her head to the side. “You’re saying Twilight really is haunting you? Recently deceased Princess of Friendship who scarred a baby dragon for life with her death?”

“Er, yes, actually. She showed up last night.”

“Can you tell her to stop spying on me and Trixie?”

“I’m not spying on anypony!” Twilight seethed. “This better not have happened in my castle! I’ll never feel like it’s clean again if she did. Wait! It is happing! Right now! Rarity tell her to stop being intimate in my castle.”

“Twilight, darling, perhaps now isn’t the time?”

“You’re talking to her?” Starlight looked over to the empty space that Rarity was looking at.

“Yes, and she doesn’t seem happy about you— wait, you actually believe me?” Rarity tilted her head curiously at Starlight.

“Rarity, we’ve faced changelings, friendship problems, arguing sisters, and so, so much more. One of our friends is a spirit of chaos, and I’ve nearly destroyed the universe mucking about with time,” Starlight explained matter-of-factly, “nothing surprises me at this point.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” Rarity tapped her hoof to her chin.

“When you figure out how to bring her back, let me know so I can sneak Trixie out of the castle.”

“Bring her back?” Rarity asked, looking to Twilight for answers. Twilight shrugged and shook her head.

“Well, I figured that’s why she’d haunt you. She wanted somepony to find a spell to bring her back to life. It’s what I’d do if I died.” She shrugged and casually trotted from the room towards the sounds of a needy Trixie.

“I— Twilight, can we do that?” Rarity asked once Starlight had left.

“I… don’t know. I don’t think a spell like that exists.” Twilight frowned and started pacing. “If it did, then it would probably be hard to find, and maybe illegal. If it did exist already, then the first place we should check is probably the Canterlot Royal Archives.”

“How? You’re a princess, you would have been able to waltz right in. I happen to not be a princess, despite my fillyhood dreams. I don’t think they would let me in, Twilight.”

“Well, maybe they make exceptions for national heroes?”

***

“I’m sorry, miss, but nopony is allowed in without permission from one of the princesses.” A burly white stallion barred Rarity’s entry to the Royal Archives.

“Well, as it so happens, I have written permission from Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Rarity carefully extracted a notecard with a poor excuse of a forgery written upon it from her saddlebags and floated it to the guard.

“He’s not going to fall for this. That looks nothing like my hoofwriting.” Twilight slapped a hoof against her forehead.

“Everything looks to be okay, here.” The guard passed the notecard back to Rarity, only to pull it back at the last second. “Hang on, what’s this red splotch here?”

“Erm… salsa. You didn’t hear it from me, but she has a thing for quesadillas.” Rarity whispered, leaning toward the guard conspiratorially. They shared a laugh as Twilight fumed over the claims.

“I don’t eat quesadillas, Rarity, and you know it!”

“Go on in, miss.” The guard stood aside for Rarity to pass. Twilight followed her, unhindered by the guard.

The Royal Archives were a vast network of scrolls, books, and knowledge that dwarfed every other library of Equestria combined. One could spend an entire lifetime poring over the tomes with and still not read all of it. It was said that no living pony could navigate it successfully.

Twilight Sparkle was no living pony.

“Let’s see… Neapolitan ice cream… nearsightedness… Ah! Necromancy!” Twilight lead Rarity through the rows of the archives until she found the most logical place to start their search. “Now we just have to get through these books until we find a spell that can reverse death, rather than revive my body. You brought my body, right?”

“Yes, darling. And I’ll never be clean again for it.” Rarity dropped her saddlebags to the floor with a squelch. “Frankly, I’m surprised that the guard didn’t realize that wasn’t salsa on the note.” Rarity opened her first book and began scanning it for anything that looked remotely useful to the situation. “Twilight, have you ever considered that the royal guard may be inept?”

“Oh, they’re just for show. Why do you think they’re not the ones who stop things like the changeling invasion?” Twilight said as she read over Rarity’s shoulder.

“Ah,” Rarity pursed her lips, “that makes more sense than I’d like it to.”

The two fell silent, passing the time poring over the tomes together. Rarity was glad to have Twilight helping in some capacity. Most of the details of the magic was sailing over the seamstresses head, but Twilight seemed to know exactly what she was looking for.

“There!” Twilight poked a hoof through Rarity’s leg and pointed at the spell they were currently looking at. “This should do the trick. It’s— wow, this is surprisingly simplistic. Why is necromancy easy? Dark magic shouldn’t be this easy.”

“Twilight,” Rarity set the book on the floor and sighed, “easy is a relative term. I’ve no idea how to cast this.”

“It’s pretty simple, actually. You just need to picture the pony you want revived and focus your magic into their body. Oh, and you need to keep a pleasant thought in your mind or else you’ll end up raising a wraith that could devour the souls of countless innocents.”

“Oh, is that all?” Rarity stared flatly at Twilight, her eye twitching. “And I was worried that there would be no potential negative ramifications for going against the laws of nature.”

“Rarity, you don’t have to do—”

“But I do, Twilight,” A small frown touched Rarity’s muzzle, “I could never forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

“Oh? Perhaps spending a lifetime in the dungeons would deter you?” A voice interrupted.

Rarity and Twilight spun to face the source of the voice.

“Princess Celestia! W-what are you doing here, your highness?” Rarity bowed as low to the floor as she possibly could.

“I was informed that somepony had been allowed to enter the Royal Archives with a note from a recently deceased princess. Imagine my surprise when I found out that Twilight was writing notes after her passing and didn’t even think to leave me one.” Celestia mused, running a wingtip along a shelf and frowning at the dust that came off it.

“I can explain—”

“I’m sure that isn’t necessary. It seems fairly obvious what you’re doing.” Celestia nodded towards the open book on the floor. “You are aware that casting magic of this sort is outlawed? I could send you to the dungeons right now, if I wished.”

“Princess, I was just trying—”

“Rarity, it would be best if you left now. Let Twilight rest.” A piteous look flashed across the diarch’s face.

“But she’s here!” Rarity growled in frustration.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Twilight is here, your highness.” Rarity said with a bit more composure. “She’s been… haunting me. And if there’s a chance that I could bring her back, I simply must take it!”

“But you forget that this magic is dangerous and forbidden.”

“Then you may throw me in the dungeons after I cast the spell.” Rarity said, her head held high.

Celestia blinked at the mare, dumbfounded. “And why would I let you cast the spell?”

“You said that casting it was forbidden.” Rarity pointed a hoof at Celestia. “By your own words, I’ve done nothing wrong until the moment I cast the spell.”

Celestia paused for a moment, weighing Rarity’s words. “Technically, you are correct. Have you ever considered a career in law? You seem to have a knack for loopholes.”

“When you’ve been a fashionista as long as I have, you begin to excel at plucking loose strings, princess.” Rarity let a small smile creep onto her features, despite Twilight’s horrified expression. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a friend to bring back.”

Rarity turned away from Celestia and scanned the pages of the book one last time before her horn flared with magic. Parchment fluttered into the air from the shelves as Rarity focused, and a pale blue magical aura engulfed the saddlebags that contained what was left of Twilight’s physical form. Lights flickered, dimming the room as she poured every ounce of her magical might into Twilight.

Nothing changed.

Rarity frowned and focused harder. Sweat started to drip down her forehead. Her head pounded with the strain, and her horn felt as though it were going to split down the middle. She gritted her teeth and pushed harder.

“Rarity,” Celestia clicked her tongue like a disappointed mother, “I appreciate the lengths you’re willing to go to, I do. But Twilight is gone. If there were a way to bring her back, I’d go to any length to do it, but the fact of the matter is—”

“No!” Rarity growled as her a lock of mane fell free of its usual home. “This has to work, it simply must!”

“Nopony wants Twilight back as much as I—”

“Yes,” Gone were Rarity’s manners, replaced by a grim determination. “somepony does want her back more than you. Me.”

“Rarity…” Twilight whispered breathily, a remarkable feat considering her lack of breathing.

“You’ve no idea what it’s like to pine after a mare who only sees you as a friend, the ache that shoots through you every time she smiles at you. You aren’t the one who has to live with the fact that the most beautiful mare you’ve ever met is gone, and you never got the chance to say goodbye— never told her how you felt!

“If there’s even the faintest chance that I can bring Twilight back, then I shall do so despite whatever consequences await me!” Rarity declared, nearly shouting the words as a blinding light from her horn filled the room.

Rarity blinked the motes of light from her eyes. She found herself on the floor, having apparently managed to fling herself to Celestia’s hooves in the process of casting the spell. Loose sheets of parchment fluttered to the floor around her as she looked up at the princess.

“Did it work?” Rarity forced herself onto shaky hooves.

“Here, let me help.” A purple wing wrapped around Rarity, offering warmth and support.

“T-Twilight? Is that really you?”

“It is, Rarity.” Twilight’s voice warmed Rarity far more than her wing.

Rarity flung her forelegs about Twilight’s neck and pulled her into a tight embrace. “I can’t believe it! It actually worked!” Rarity bawled into the other mare’s neck, mascara be damned. Sobs wracked her body as her words devolved into an indecipherable mess of tears and blubbering.

“As good as it is to see that you’ve succeeded, Rarity, I’m afraid that there’s still the matter of the laws you’ve broken to do so. I’m afraid I have no choice but to—” Celestia began, only to be cut off by Twilight.

“I’m sorry, Princess Celestia, but would it be too much to ask to have a few moments alone with Rarity?” Twilight asked, looking up at the other princess with hope in her eyes. “Maybe ten minutes or so? I think we have a lot to discuss, considering my recent, uh, resurrection.”

Celestia hesitated for a moment before a soft sigh escaped her. “I trust you won’t try to flee?” She looked pointedly at Rarity.

“You have my word, Celestia.” Twilight answered for the crying seamstress.

“Very well, ten minutes. Not a second more, Twilight.” Celestia trotted from the room.

***

Exactly nine minutes and sixty seconds later, Celestia coolly entered the archives again. She was mildly surprised that neither mare had run when she found them by an empty table in the back of the archives.

“I see you didn’t run.” Celestia remarked, almost casually, as Rarity fussed with her mane in an attempt to make it presentable again.

“Yes, well, I had my hooves full with talking things out with Twilight.” Rarity said with the faintest hint of a smirk.

“And?” Celestia turned her attention to Twilight, whose gaze was firmly locked onto the floor.

“We came to an agreement.” Twilight mumbled. “And we’re going to try to make a relationship work.”

“I’m pleased to hear some good came of this mess.” Celestia smiled down at her former pupil, a glint of moisture in her eyes as she blinked back tears. “It warms my heart to have you back.”

“Thank you, princess.” Twilight said, still incredibly interested in her own hooves.

“Is something the matter, Twilight?”

“No!” Twilight answered, a little too quickly. Celestia gently put a hoof under Twilight’s chin and guided the mare’s head up from the floor. Twilight’s gaze shifted from the floor to the wall off to Celestia’s side. “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Twilight, look at me.” Concern began to creep into Celestia’s voice. “Rarity, did something happen between you two?”

“I suppose you could say that.” Rarity purred. “I’m sure Twilight will be fine after she gets a chance to recover from… recent events.”

“Speaking of which, there’s still the matter of you casting forbidden magics.” Celestia leveled her gaze at Rarity, letting her hoof fall away from Twilight.

“Actually, Celestia,” Twilight stared over at Rarity, “if it’s not too much trouble, I think I should be the one in charge of Rarity’s punishment.”

Rarity bit her lip at Twilight’s words. Twilight continued anyway.

“I think it would be the best course of action if I took a strong stance and doled out a firm punishment for her.” The seamstress whimpered. “I’m not above using hoofcuffs, either. Anything to make sure she fully understands who’s in control of her punishment.” Twilight gave Rarity a devilish grin.

“I see…” Celestia said slowly, glancing between the two mares. “Are you certain of this, Twilight?”

Twilight looked over to Celestia, her eyes locking onto the taller princess’ for a fraction of a second before she averted them. “Yes. I promise Rarity will be doing hard time if you leave her punishment up to me.”

Celestia mulled the idea over for a moment. “I suppose I can allow this. So long as Rarity comes to understand the full meaning of her crimes, I see no reason to say no to this.”

“Excellent!” Twilight perked up a bit. “I plan on making every moment of this count. I may even have to start her punishment on the train ride home.” Twilight strode forward, beckoning Rarity to follow. “It’s going to be a long ride back to Ponyville.”

Celestia held a hoof in front of Rarity, letting Twilight leave the archives before looking down at her. “May I ask why my former pupil seems to be acting strangely?”

Rarity smiled coyly. “I did say it would be impossible for her to look you in the eye, did I not?”

Author's Note

Woo, comedy*! Feel free to message me angry things if you find errors for me to correct.

*I tell myself it's funny, so it counts.