The Id and her Ego

by Phoebus Maximus

Rating: teen
Tags: Coco Pommel, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Drama, Spike, Sweetie Belle
Length: 3038

When Sweetie Belle was little, life was easy. Now, her mind has grown and she is haunted by two shades of her past.

After Sweetie Belle's life of innocence falls apart, nothing is the same. Plenty of things happened to get her to where she is, but now, the two things that broke her heart will haunt her forever.

Published 2017-12-17 21:10:06 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-21 13:15:25 UTC

Prologue

Coco Pommel was dead. Sweetie Belle knew it was true and it resonated in her bowels as she shoved her face into the snow-white coat of her sister. The day was damp and dreary. Outside the window, ponies bustled back and forth, cutting each other off, and staring at the ground as their weary hooves pushed them on. Sweetie's clouded eyes drifted hazily up to the soft regal face of her elegant sister. Rarity's soft white coat was covered by a sweeping black gown that was inlaid with perfectly cut diamonds. Rarity's face was somber and her closed eyes were cast down on the hardwood floor of Coco's apartment. Her purple mane framed her beautiful face in curls and swirls of shimmering diamond clips. Had the day been sunny, Rarity would've sparkled effortlessly. But today, the clouds blotted out any chance of light.

Sweetie Belle wore a shorter black gown, much like her sister's but without the diamonds. Her mane fell sloppily down her white shoulder and was matted down with the tears that streamed out of her misty green eyes. Coco had been like an aunt to Sweetie Belle. When she had graduated from High School in Ponyville, she and her friends had taken their own roads. Apple Bloom stayed on the farm, Scootaloo went to Cloudsdale, Sweetie Belle had gone to Manehattan. Her sister had arranged for her to live with Coco and work on Bridleway costumes until Sweetie got the leading part for the Bridleway play "The Little Merpony." Through all of her struggles, Coco had been there. Coco became Sweetie's role model, a shining star, the ever-present voice in the back of her head, pressing her to do the right thing. Coco had become her best friend.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders stood an awkward distance from Sweetie Belle and her tornado of emotions. Their eyes cast at the summery colored coffin surrounded by roses and ponies. Applejack stood on Rarity's other side and stood stock-still as a metal pole letting Rarity lean her broken form onto hers. Ponies were making speeches. Rarity and Sweetie both spoke. It was all just a blur of sadness. Anything else got sucked into the void of blackness that surrounded Coco's coffin. Before she could register anything, ponies were leaving. The living room in Coco's apartment was small, but the large clean windows opened it up to the currently stormy colored sky. Everything was covered in bright cloth and fuzzy pillows but it wasn't the same without the warmth of Coco's little eyes or her sweet and chipper smile. With the sudden emptiness of it, Sweetie Belle felt small and vulnerable. She wanted so much to lean her little head on Coco's buttery shoulder.

Four strong stallions were there suddenly and then, Coco was gone. The summery colors of her coffin evaporated with her smile. Sweetie Belle's heart ached for something to hold onto and she looked for her sister. All she found was that her sister was as broken as she was. Rarity sat with Applejack and her diamond-studded dress lay around her perfectly snow white body in ruffles and wrinkles. Her makeup streamed down her cheeks making her look like a ghost. Babs Seed was there suddenly and she took her sister's hoof leading Applejack and Rarity out the door onto the streets and into the cold. Sweetie Belle was left alone. She knew where she was supposed to go so she moved her hooves to the door. Her sister was going home, and so were her old friends. Now, she had no choice but to stay in Manehattan. She had to become who she was meant to be.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Spike was clueless. His purple scales refracted beams of enticing light into Sweetie's pale green eyes as his own bright emerald ones glittered in the light he created. He was tall, strong, and his stature was one that suggested countless years of cross-fit, not countless years of being holed up in a little town as assistant to a now-princess. His pearly teeth flickered in Sweetie's mind, making her head hurt. None of this stopped him from being clueless. He had no clue, the pain that he caused her.

Sweetie Belle had called Rarity earlier that night to ask her if Spike was with Twilight.

"Hey rares!"

"Darling, it is wonderful to hear your voice!"

"Hey, sooo, um I was-"

"How was your performance, dear?

"Oh, it was fin. I wanted to ask you-

"Do you need a new dress?! Did something happen?! Are you all right darling?!?!?

"Yes. Sis, I'm fine! Calm down! Is Spike home?"

"Well, dearie, if you mean he's still with Twilight, then yes!

"Ok, ok, thanks, I-"

"Darling I thought you didn't have feelings for him anymore you little-"

"SIS! I have a headache! Bye!

"Oh, Sweetie Belle, by darli-"

Now, it was three in the morning and Sweetie Belle felt as if she were in a hangover. Her head throbbed, her throat was sore, and she wanted to throw up and go to sleep at the same time. All the while, Spike was sprawled across the couch in her little one-room apartment above The Heavy Hoof. She could hear shouts from down below as if a fight had been started, probably over Ceci, and her eyes were bleary from pain. Through the sheen of deep hazy pain that covered her eyes, she could see that Spike was shoving his face with pizza and chips. Outraged, Sweetie stormed to the fridge, only to find that her pizza and chips were still there and intact. She wheeled around.

"What the he-" She began.

"Wow now, watch your language little filly," Spike said with a wink, "wouldn't want your pure little life to go downhill, now would we?" He retorted with a chortle. Sweetie Belle ground her teeth together.

"My life WAS pure until you showed up!"

"Oh Sweets, your life was plenty unpure when I got here." He said, rolling his eyes and chortling to himself. Sweetie Belle growled.

"I mean other you! Real Spike! In Ponyville!" Sweetie Belle retorted, exasperated. "I was a happy little filly with my friends and then you found me. You just wanted tips on how to win Rarity's heart, bless real Spike's little heart, but a few days later, you-he comes back and admits that he fell head over heels for me! For me of all people! The sister of the one he loved. Then, y-he, he-he got me to act weird. My wariness around him made him think I didn't love him. After being rejected by Rarity so many times, he thought I was rejecting him too. So, he got-weird. My friends got worried and I got worried too. When I finally broke up with him, I had screwed my life up pretty badly. When I graduated from High School, I knew I had to get my life on track. So, I came to Manheattan to do what I always wanted to do." Sweetie Belle heaved a sigh. That was enough memory lane for one night. "I'm going to bed." She announced, not turning her head to Spike.

"G'night Sweets! I'll be here when ya wake up!" Spike whispered with faux emotion. Sweetie turned on her hoof into the one extra room her apartment had.

She tossed and turned that night. Her headaches wouldn't let her be and her eyes were bleary from it. She rolled over one last time and could've sworn she saw something different about the street below. But then, she drifted into a pained sleep.

Sweetie Belle's eyes flickered open to take in a hazy blue mist of a place. She vividly remembered standing in a tilting treehouse with her two best friends and a princess here.

"Princess Luna?" She called out, her voice sounded strangely strangled. "PRINCESS LUNA?" She felt something on her but she couldn't turn around.

She started to panic as thoughts ripped through her.

"There's no Luna, jus' me." A harshly gentle voice said. Sweetie Belle moaned and whimpered fearing the worst. "Shhh. It's alright! I ain't gonna hurt ya." The voice was familiar and it resonated in the silky air.

"Luna? Can you please help me?" Sweetie whimpered.

Then, out of the corner of her eye, an orange mist faded into place. It solidified into a pony a bit shorter than her. With a burnt orange colored coat and a clipped maroon mane and tail. Babs Seed.

"Babs? I need help! I need Lun-"

"Sweetie Belle. I don't have much time, so listen to me. I'm not really Babs, cuz ya know, Babs has her cutie mark." Sweetie saw that Babs was missing it.

"You're another ghost?" Sweetie moaned.

"Don't worry, I'm not like Spike! But, the reason he's there is because you're holding on too tight!" Dream Babs exclaimed.

"But how do I let go? How do I figure out what I'm even holding on to!?" Sweetie Belle could feel tears in her eyes.

The sky thundered and Luna's face appeared to be etched in the mist for a moment, and in that moment, Babs disappeared. Sweetie Belle tried to whip around as something touched her, and she saw tendrils of black sand that seemed to speak to her.

"LUNA! BABS! SOMEPONY HELP ME!" Sweetie Belle wailed as the tendrils inched up her neck.

They spoke like Coco and Spike. They whispered like Babs and the Crusaders, and they sang like Rarity. Then, they swallowed her.

Sweetie Belle jolted out of sleep and back into reality. She jumped out of her bed, crashing into her nightstand, and starting shaking the tendrils off of her. Even though they weren't there, she could still hear the voices.

"So, what's with you and Babs anyway?" Spike's sultry voice shocked Sweetie out of her haze and made her growl at him.

"How do you know?" She shouted.

"Well, it's not like you were shouting her name or anything!" He replied with a chortle. Sweetie Belle plopped down on the bed and crossed her hooves.

"I met her after...after, ya know, Coco." She cleared her throat. "I met Babs after I lost my theatre job. I found that she was trying to earn money to open her own storefront and needed help. So, I was hanging out with her for a while until she got too stressed out about me being there and doing nothing, I was depressed and helpless. So, really as a joke, she got me in touch with Old Toots. She just wanted me out of her life. I loved her though, I think she loved me too, but neither of us would admit it, we just resorted to hate." Sweetie Belle turned away and rushed past Spike into the kitchen.

As she sat down at the table, Spike launched into a tale of two towns that fought all the time and killed each other. And while he did so, Sweetie's heart ached with pain.

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Serenade Singer was dumb. Serenade, Ceci for short, worked at Manehattan's most prominent bar and performance center, The Heavy Hoof. She had a deep magenta coat that always seemed to hold onto some glossy sheen and a long flowing pearly mane that swirled around her in thick curls. Her eyes were a strange pale blue color and looked out of place on her striking face. Her muzzle was always upturned as if she smelled something, and her lips were always moving. But, none of her beauty could cover up her ditzy obliviousness.

Sweetie Belle couldn't be too mad at her though, no matter how much she hated Ceci. After Coco's death, Sweetie Belle's career had fallen to bits. Until she met Babs Seed again. Babs had been staying around in Manehattan working odd jobs here and there to open up her own shop. So, when she saw Sweetie struggling, she introduced her The Heavy Hoof"s owner, Old Toots, hoping she could get Sweetie to sing again. Old Toots took her in and shoved her into bar maintenance without a single thought. But, one night, Ceci, Old Toots's daughter, heard Sweetie Belle singing to herself and got Old Toots to let her get a gig. Now, only two weeks into her Heavy Hoof career, Sweetie was going to sing again.

"Ya best be gettin' ready hons'! Toots'll want'ya ready far 'fore hand for ya 'formance." Ceci had a highly sultry voice that Sweetie Belle found sickening. She grimaced and nodded at the mare's wide smile of pearls.

Sweetie Belle trotted through a door behind the bar and into a little office room that she got to herself. It had blank walls and beige carpeting that was littered with Sweetie Belle's belongings. When she wasn't being a general bar custodian, she was helping some bar staff coordinate performances or sleeping in her little office. She pulled a deep purple dress off of a hanger on the door and held it up to herself. It was long, silky, and made by her sister a long time ago. Sweetie dug around for her tall black heels and moaned at the sight of them.

As she pulled the dress on, something in the room changed. Sweetie could hear ponies starting to fill up the bar and an alcoholic aroma started flowing around. When she saw her room, she saw flashes of purple and green. She heard noises in her head and her eyes couldn't focus. She felt claustrophobic and generally sick. With great hardship, she pulled herself out of her office and down the grungy hall out the back door.

The air outside was gray. It smelled of alcohol and yesterday's garbage. When she had been with Coco, she had been told to stick to the places in the city where the back streets were friendly. Here, the cement slab of back street was littered with junk, sewage drains stunk up the bricks on the walls of the buildings that caved in around the courtyard. Sweetie's head pounded and she had to force her eyes shut to block out the painful swirling of purple and green.

When she opened them again, it was worse. The spikes had collected to form something strange. It was an adolescent dragon that resembled Rumble, although more muscular and more sly than rude. It looked like Spike from dimension muscle.

"S-S-pike?" Sweetie murmured. As she inched towards the specter, his grin grew about a foot, and Sweetie could feel her heart pounding.

"Ah. So ya do remember me. Good fun, good fun." Specter Spike's voice was deep and moving. It made Sweetie have to shake her head to get thoughts out of it.

"Spike. What happened to you?" Sweetie asked, still wary.

"Ah, Sweets, I'm not really Spike, ya know? I'm more of like some sort of ghost." He said, swirling his claw in the air as if searching for the words.

"I picked up on that." Sweetie Belle muttered, looking up and down his slightly glowing form. "But, why? Why are you here and what the-just, WHY?" Sweetie's voice rose and broke. She saw ghost Spike chuckle and her cheeks burned.

"It's like a psychological Christmas Carol Sweets." He said with a grin that made Sweetie dizzy.

"Get out of MY HEAD!" Sweetie Belle's voice rose and fell again.

"Sorry Sweets." Spike said, standing up from his position of leaning against a mossy brick wall, "I can't. Something in you wants me ta be here, and until ya figure that out, you're stuck with me." Spike waggled his eyebrows. Sweetie gagged.

"So you're some personification of something inside of me?" Sweetie asked, a hoof on her head to prevent it from bubbling over. His presence seemed to be splitting her head into pieces and she couldn't contain her rage.

Why Spike though? In Ponyville, during High School, Spike had a thing for her and she for him. Spike had always been bad news quietly. He had always had a hidden bad boy side, and apparently, Sweetie Belle had brought that out in him. After an almost disaster, Sweetie couldn't stand him anymore. He was another reason why Manehattan called her, she had to get away from him and his freakish bad news side. That was back in Ponyville though. Before Coco and before her death too. Sweetie gulped and turned back to Spike. Without warning, he held up a watch that made her gasp.

"Ain't ya gotta get goin' Sweets?" Spike inquired, leaning in.

Sweetie Belle gasped. Then, she took off to the bar. All the way down the hallway, her head pounded and Spike whispered in her ear. Her brain was about to boil over if Spike told her to play hookie one last time. With a throbbing head, she stumbled onto the stage where Ceci stood. It seemed she had lost Spike. Better savor it.

"There ya are dalin' ah though we was gon have ta cancel on ya fer a minute there Sweets!" Ceci exclaimed happily as the band got redy behind the purple lights.

Ceci announced her, and so the night began.

"I was walkin' along,

The lights flickered in her head and Spike was next to her. "Hey Sweets."

Sweetie gulped for air in between lyrics.

A sultry voice murmured, "where ya hummin' when Coco died?"

Sweetie's voice faltered.

Drinkin' in all the sunshine

Her sunshine was gone.

"She'll never smile again."

Her voice broke again, and her chest heaved.

Flash!

"Came on pretty quick doesn't it?"

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!" Sweetie Belle couldn't bear it. She gulped for air and tried to sing through tears.

SKY!

Sweetie smiled at the crowd of unsuspecting drunks and collapsed down the stairs to Ceci.

"Ya did great hons! Ah can believ ya sang on Bridelway na hons!"

"I was crying though, I was gulping and-" Sweetie broke in, confused.

"Na hons! Where'dya get an idea like that'un?" Ceci trotted off with a laugh.

Sweetie stood there for a minute, confused.

"When are you goin' to learn that it's all in your head Sweets?"

Sweetie Belle wheeled around to give the ghost a hoof to the face, but she found herself onstage. A cold chuckle ran through her and it all began again.