Fallout Equestria: Dead Tree

“When freedom burns, The final solution, Dreams fade away and all hope turns to dust. When millions burn, The curtain has fallen.
Lost to the world as they perish in flames”
-Sabaton, The Final Solution

Day 11 Enclave Servitude

Nyota, please forgive me, I don’t think I’ll ever see you again. But please, I hope you find happiness and forgive me. I had been moved from the hospital and was sharing a room with Grapevine and his wife, Orchard Blossom. The amount of awkward going on here is a bit absurd. How can they let the Superintendent get away with force breeding like this? Orchard Blossom was one of the pegasus nurses on board and she was helping with my foals full time now. I still couldn’t bring myself to name them; not without Nyota. Naming them would be admitting I had no hope to escape.

I looked at Orchard Blossom and studied her very carefully, trying to read her emotions. She was green like me, she had a very similar red and white mane to my own but her green was a bit darker, more like a deep emerald as opposed to my grassy lime green. Her wings were in immaculate shape, cared for to the extreme and they always had a sort of shine to them; the kind of shine you see off morning dew from blooming flowers.

Grapevine was now assigned to be my guard at all times I wasn’t working. His presence did keep any buck, colt, or stallion who thought he had the guts to demand my attention to avert his eyes elsewhere. When I was working, Delta Sierra was assigned to work with me and Grapevine could go about his normal duties. Instead of always having me under heavy guard, I had agreed to a bomb collar on my neck in exchange for freedom out of the hospital. I thought I might be able to disarm it but couldn’t find the point, it had been almost two weeks and I had no word from the outside world.

Yet here I was, changing diapers and pretending this was normal somehow. I let out a long sigh, dragging myself towards my own bed. They had put another bed in the room so we all wouldn’t have to share a bunk. Orchard Blossom put a hoof and a wing against my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks.

“They are coming to check in tonight.” She held up a clipboard with some orders from the Superintendent on it. They indicated she was coming by to check if our relationship had fostered anything yet. “It will not pass if you are sleeping in a separate bed from Grapevine. As much as it pains me to say so, for all our sakes; you take my spot,” She motioned towards the larger bunk that her and Grapevine normally shared. I could see the fear in her eyes, the emotion of her wanting to be brave but also how much all of this hurt.

I started to answer when Orchard gave me a reason to pause and think. “I will get your foals ready to sleep. Have you thought of names yet?” Orchard Blossom turned to me with a look of concern. Her question, asked every day, had been cutting to me for the last half a week.

We spoke in hushed whispers, as if someone had a listening device that might catch us even in these private moments. I shook my head with a very grim sigh. I was unwilling to share my reasoning why. I knew if I got off this ship into an Enclave city, that was it; any hope of escape would be gone. I would never know what happened to Nyota, Scopola, Chifundo, Alguacil, or Quick Stitch. I simply would be lost to the world from them.

My two foals were not the only newborn in the room, there was a separate crib for Niagara, their second filly. I’m still in shock they were not allowed a second child unless their first died. Orchard Blossom took care of the children while Delta Sierra and I were out doing ship repairs, and now I was being asked to take her place in bed. This was gut punch after gut punch; the longer I was on this ship, the less I felt I could carry on. I looked back at Orchard Blossom, “Sorry, I cannot bring myself to name them yet. I want to thank you for the risks you are taking for sparing me as long as we can manage it.”

Orchard Blossom shook her head and tsked her lips repeatedly. “Sunrise, listen. There is a lot we are risking to try to make this as nice as possible. Grapevine talked me into this and while I don’t like shielding a stranger,” She pursed her lips and bit down before finally hanging her head. “What the Superintendent is going to do to you is a war crime; I can’t just stand by and let that happen, even if all I can do is delay the inevitable.” Orchard Blossom reached up and rubbed my cheek like a mother rubbing dirt from her child after a long day of play. It was comforting, reassuring even as she tried to smile through her pain and fear; smile for me.

She gave me a very motherly look, with her head tilted and her eyes giving a gaze that only a mom knew how to do to you.’ “Listen here, Sunrise. You can wish it as much as you want but there is simply no way your friends are going to make up here. This is raptor has over one-hundred armed troopers on it. Not one of them is going to get through the canons, shields, and troopers on board. You best make peace with your new life and name them; you and your bundles of joy are going to be Enclave citizens, whether we like it or not.”

I turned my head away, I felt tears welling up as my heart seized like it had been torn in half. She was speaking of a reality I could not accept; there had to be some way out of this. There has to be something I can do. Something they can do. I finally turned to Orchard Blossom and let out a deep sigh as my hope faded, the fire squelched out by the armored plating surrounding us. I could see the accusing look in her eyes, she was looking at me the same way you would look at a criminal whose crime you didn’t believe should be illegal.

I felt a nudge from Pink and gave her a quick look to stop her from talking, a nice little look of acknowledgement. I turned back to Orchard Blossom and softened my gaze. “Look, I have no intention of having sex with your husband. I am not entirely sure of your motivations for helping me, but I am more than thankful. Every moment the two of you buy me out of the broodmare stocks, I appreciate more than words can ever express.” Orchard Blossom’s shoulders softened and her gaze wasn’t nearly as harsh as it had been just a moment before. I felt a sense of relief, that we could start to trust each other. Two souls thrown into a pit of despair, holding onto each other.

“If you want to explain to me why,” I lowered my voice, being more conscious of not waking the small bundles sleeping away next to us, “I am more than happy to sneak down to the barracks, convince a guard to get my pack. I have some fresh coffee inside so we can talk over coffee.”

Orchard Blossom was taken aback by my offer. She was confused as to why I would offer such a thing and tilted her head towards me. She looked around the room like a spy checking for bugs or someone watching us from inside a picture. In a very low hushed voice she hesitated to say her next words. “Real coffee? Like pre-war freeze dried stuff?” She took a step towards me, licking her lips in anticipation with a hopefully look in her eyes. “Not the recaf stuff we have on board?”

I shook my head and started grinning ear to ear. She looked confused when I shook my head as I got ready to really impress her. I’ve got her on the hook now, hopefully the story behind this is worth it. “No, real coffee grown in a greenhouse, no preservatives, no freeze dried burning to it. Fresh, real stuff.” Orchard’s wings extended out and I looked around with a smirk. “I can get Delta Sierra to watch the kids, tell him I need to talk to you about some…” I trailed off trying to figure out what to fit in as an excuse.

“Marital concerns with you seeing Grapevine?” I shuddered when Orchard uttered that phrase and Pink made goo-goo eyes and even a wolf-whistle.

Pink not now! Seriously, inappropriate. Pink let out a giggle and then nodded.

“I mean, I had to try to lighten the mood; all this spy game stuff is reminding me of the Ministry of Morale Pinkie Pie and not birthday party Pinkie Pie.” I groaned and nodded to Pink.

I will concede that, hopefully we can get out of this spy stuff soon enough. I felt 17 rearing up and Pink sudden produced a frying pan and smacked her back down real hard with a very metallic twang.

“Yeah, we should go with that. Delta Sierra is a complete barndoor raider and I do not believe he will want to listen to us talk about bedroom martial issues.” She gave a coy grin and nodded. I slipped out, headed to find Grapevine, while Orchard went to secure a method to brew the coffee. Grapevine would have easy access to the barracks, afterall he was an Enclave soldier.

Within an hour, we were inside a maintenance closet, Delta Sierra was watching the bundles of joy take their nap, and the coffee smell was contained with towels on the vents and doors. I was drinking mine black, in long slow sips. The warmth entered me and suddenly my spirit perked up just a bit; it was the closest thing I had to Nyota. He always does have a cup ready as soon as I wake up. I really do miss his touch to how he made it. Something always special to make it bitter but not burnt.

“I would normally cut this with that artificial creamer and sweetener stuff we have but this is too good to pass up.” I rolled my eyes, having never put milk or sugar or sweeteners into coffee. I always liked the bitterness, it helped ensure I would appreciate the bite from it.

Pink somehow had her own cup and I swear I could smell something different about her coffee to ours. Pink are you drinking that with Med-X?

Pink snickered and shook her head, “Toaster Strudel Cinnamon and maybe a Ment-Al or two. Ya know, something with even more pep in it.” I groaned, being reminded that just days before, my body was addicted to Med-X and now it wasn’t. It was so strange to overcome something that itched my hooves, made my skin crawl.

All it takes is for me to die and suddenly I get a reset. I… I think I would have preferred to stay dead. The creeping dread that accompanied that thought chilled me to the core and I thought my hooves might turn my coffee to ice. I shook the thought off and I took another sip. I needed something else to think about, I motioned for Orchard to begin, “I fulfilled my end of the bargain, I would not mind listening to that story one bit.”

Orchard smiled and then let out a very long sigh. “The Superintendent,” She looked at me and her expression turned very worried. “Your mother.”

I raised my hoof and shook my head, “I accept she is no longer the pony I remember. Superintendent is what we could call her. At least till I can convince her to give up her current insanity and be a mother again.” I added the last bit less for Orchard and more to reinforce to myself that I had to find a way to save her. Everypony can turn back from evil, it just takes showing them what they are doing is wrong; right? Or at least convincing them of a way to Do Better?

“Right. Well, the Superintendent came with us with a proposal some years ago. She claimed she could solve our inbreeding problem bearing down on The Enclave. That there was some untouched, unmutated pony DNA in the Wasteland. We just had to find it. They didn’t believe her at first and she had to produce it. Two such ponies were found and offered, both from Stable 43 and recently released.”

I tilted my head, taking in all she said while Orchard took another sip of coffee. “There is a ‘but’ here. If they know where Stable 43 is, why not just go there?”

“It’s not that simple, and that is where our deceased daughter comes in. The Superintendent took our daughter and a small team to Stable 43 only to find it has some very unusual defenses.” She took out a pencil and started to draw on a napkin. “I stole the report to find out what really happened to my daughter. That is why Grapevine and I are on this ship, insubordination and stealing classified files is a reason for a 10 year penal service sentence. I got caught but not before I read it.” She began to draw a diagram on the napkin.

I leaned in close to read what she was drawing while my ears craned to listen intently. Pink leered up with her reporter outfit and wide brimmed hat as she started to scribble notes onto a piece of paper. “Dozens of automatic turrets, an airlock style transition room, here and here.” She made several X’s and a long corridor drawing then started to put doors on it. “A triple unit Stable-Door, the massive gear shape and everything, designed to take multiple balefire bombs directly to the door itself. The concrete walls around it when we dug through were not only thick but the rebar reinforcing inside the concrete was electrified.” She paused and started to tear up.

“My… my daughter died when the rebar lanced a lightning bolt powerful enough to short circuit her armor and cook her from the inside out…” Orchard started to cry and the napkin drawing was disintegrating under her tears, I moved her coffee aside to avoid it being spilled and could feel nothing but pity for her. My hoof stroked her back and I got up to move around the table. If I were this inconsolable, I’d want someone’s shoulder to cry on. I kept petting her, sharing her sorrow as best I could. The closest I could think was my mother’s miscarriage as she wept onto my shoulder and I remained, to let her.

Pink… what about Stable 43, is it really that much of a fortress? How do you get in?

Pink pointed at my PipBuck, “That is one of the keys you need, a PipBuck from Stable 43. The others are collections of files and computer programs on holodisks that we don’t have.” I looked at the device and made an effort to ensure it was covered by my new work uniform. It would be best if they didn’t realize it was a key piece to get into Stable 43.

After a while she slowly stopped sobbing and I nudged her, “Your daughter was very brave, I am honored you feel a connection to her through me. What happened to the two ponies from Stable 43?”

Orchard cleared her throat, “They are in Applehale, currently they serve as breeding mare and buck. They get to live lives of luxury in exchange for carefully having children with whom the Enclave tells them to and not anyone else.” Orchard was getting angry, I could feel the change in her voice and her muscles tensing up as she glared at me. “That bitch killed my daughter so we could get brood slaves instead of actually fixing the Enclave’s problems.” Orchard slowly reached over and gripped my hoof.

There was something here, some emotion I didn’t understand. Something new, this feeling of understanding now. I felt kinship to her, a sorrow and wonder I did not fully grasp. If I lost my daughter… I haven’t even named her yet and I would be just as angry and heartbroken as she is.

“You may be an Earth Pony, but you are kind, you are patient, and most of all, you have her eyes.” Orchard gripped my cheek as she raised her head and stared into my eyes, deeply. A tear rolled down her cheek, a new one. Somehow I knew this one was different than the ones she had been crying, it reflected the light differently. I sensed a rise in her as she rubbed my cheek tenderly, almost too tightly. Like a mix of a grieving loved one and an over eager grandmother, all condensed down into a hoof pinch.

“No matter what, that kindness in you, that compassion and mercy; do not let this place or any other take it from you. Make what my daughter died for something worthy.” I stared at her and felt a weight crushing down onto my shoulders and chest. It was like having an anvil slowly depressing onto me each moment I did not speak. I had a whole lot to live up, a request I never thought I could achieve.

I looked at the table, moving away from the gaze of Orchard. “If you help me escape, will you come with me?” I whispered in the privacy of the closet. The coffee was getting cold and for once I did not care. This was far too important.

Orchard’s eyes lit up in surprise and she hesitated. I felt something however, a piercing blackness coming to me. “Sunrise! SUNRISE!” Orchard grabbed onto me as I collapsed to the floor and the memory took hold.

ooOOoo

17 Months, 13 days Post Megaspells

I was in a room, a dark room. I took a deep inhale and could smell I was underground. Wet concrete, unrusted pipes with steam about, the metallic tang in the air of iron and steel resisting age, the slight hint of vodka to it all.

“Ah 17, you are awake. Good. 71, 88, and I were starting to get worried.” I heard the voice and my body felt cold, in a deep sweat I never expected to be in. I shook my head and realized it wasn’t me, it was the presence in the cage. This was a memory of theirs.

“What do you have to report?” It was 9. That was 9 speaking. 17 started to move and found leather straps holding her down. With a grunt she slowly turned to the shadowy figure. “17, come now, you would think we would do a debriefing without something keeping you from your murderous ways?”

There was a smirk across 17’s lips, my lips. Okay no, that is not me! And it’s so messed up that I—

“Shut up! This is my show—not yours—now sit down in the peanut gallery and be quiet, ya runt.” 17 snarled at me to get me to stop. I snapped right back without hesitation.

You! Oh no, you aren’t getting a free ride this time, you’re gonna let me think and do as I please in my own body or… or… or…

“Or what?”

There was an audible slap in my head, one that echoed through both 17 and myself at the same time. “Quiet you two! Play it out and let’s get back to reality rather than bickering here. Sunrise takes notes and if I have to put you both in time out; so help me there will be no cookies or popcorn for this movie!” Pink was snarling and had both 17 and myself recoiling back away from her. Both of us looked at each other in this strange mindspace as if we were not sure if we wanted cookies and popcorn.

17’s angry smile got broader as she flicked her mane out of her face and sighed, “I was really hoping to tear your throat out tonight. Yes, my report. Well, did you get that Wastelander I brought in here with me?”

9 took a moment, in the shadows I could see them moving their heads to look at each other. A soft glow from 88’s horn almost revealed his face but it was somehow eluding my eyes. Why are their faces like that?

I wasn’t sure who I was really asking, Pink or 17 but 17 is the one who answered. “Protective brain programming, outside of the presence of 9, 88, 71, and them outside of presence of you; you won’t be able to recall any facial details; not even a real coat color. Even here in your memories the spells used to rewrite your brain’s linkages keep that much true.”

17 was being helpful and I was stunned, That… isn’t how you’ve been.

“Look I ain’t afraid of your fat little bubbly ass but your damn Pink friend can really make my life painful. So I’m cooperating as much as I have to so she doesn’t smash my head in.” I looked a little confused and even appreciation filled me from this gesture.

Are we… getting along?

“By getting along you mean I’m cooperating with a pink knife at my throat?”

Right, I will keep that in mind. I looked back to the memory of what was going on.

9, 71, and 88 had all turned back to 17 and nodded in unison, “Yes go on and inform of how you captured this one and why they are of value.”

“It wasn’t all that hard,” There was some implication in my voice. An implication of torture, pain, and nasty methods. “He’s a bookworm, it took all of seven seconds to break him. A little twisted hoof and he was singing like a canary.” I felt like my head was being cracked by an egg as their horns glowed and they leaned in close to listen.

“She is telling the truth,” 71 told them with a nod of her head.

9 made a motion in the darkness, I got a glimpse of the color of her coat for just the briefest moment, I swore it was lavender. Perhaps it was just the dark light or whatever effect was masking their appearance. “Let her continue, so long as she is truthful.”

My body gave a smile. That is unnerving to Tartarus’s Gates.

“What, ya goody two shoes?”

The sensation of someone else running my body while I’m a passenger. Is this what it’s like when you’re in control?

“It’s exactly what’s it’s like you stupid futz. I get to sit here while you run the body and scream but nothing can be done. Now I have this little hole in the cage and I’ll keep exploiting it.”

Cage, explain that?

“Memory’s playing, stuff it!”

I rolled my head to cascade my mane out of my face, or my body did anyway. It was like I was riding in a robot that someone else was in control of and it looked like me, not to mention I could feel all of the robot’s sensory input. “His name is Azure Glide, he’s a city order survivor. He really has this hero complex but certainly was prepared for torture. What else you wanna know?”

9 tilted her head and then looked at the other two agents. I could only tell this by how the shadow moved its head to turn to those agents.

71 undid the ropes around that held my body in place, “Good, you roughed him up. Now we can use you as bad cop and I’ll play good cop. Unless you have a better order, 9?” He turned his head to 9 and... it was strange. In that moment the shadows that hid their faces became like thick smoke instead of shadows. I could see flakes of color underneath; like a sudden burst from magenta or purple. If I focused on it the swirling clouds moved to block out the bits that had broken through.

Why does it do that!? This is so frustrating.

“It’s an anti-interrogation spell you idiot.” I glared at 17 but relented to let her finish speaking. “If someone mind probes you, they won’t get the faces either. You’ll only recognize them in the flesh. Now pipe down, this is the good part.”

I wanted to demand a way to break this spell but I held my tongue when Pink shook her head. I wasn’t sure if she was telling me to let it go or there was no point. I dropped it when 9 spoke again, “No, that is actually a good idea, 71. He’ll already be afraid of 17 and, honestly, if you can get him to have some hope and mind probe him, we can get all we want on the Enclave.” 9 motioned her hoof for the two of us to head towards a bulkhead door.

It was like the door to a ship, complete with a hydraulic sealing mechanism to make it airtight. My body was piloted through a bunker bulkhead. I got a good look now as I was stepping into the blinding light of a hallway. My eyes were seared by the light and I shielded them with my PipBuck hoof for a little bit.

The first thing I saw actually gave me a little hope. This is a stable! It’s a stable! I frantically searched for identifying markings. A yellow flat gear with it’s inside hallowed out and replaced with a big bold yellow 43 was etched in the inside of the gear, where any rods or connection mechanism should go. I’m in 43!

I immediately began committing every single detail to memory as we walked through the hallway to a T-Junction. There was another gear with the number 43 on the wall at the junction intersection. A rectangular pyramid sign pointed the directions. It was illuminated with a frighteningly red colored light with black letters.

The way we had come was ‘Detention Center A’. Dead ahead was ‘Detention Center B’ and to our left was marked ‘Living Quarters’. We continued to walk towards Detention Center B. 71 rubbed against my shoulder, “17, no hard feelings? You did make it look very good.”

17 growled in response as our hooves clanked across the metal grate floor, “You could’ve been a little lighter. The job was to make it look good, not rip my skull in half.” 17 nudged against 71, much harder than he had rubbed on her.

“9 is always suspicious, you know that. Now what do we expect to gain out of interrogating this pegasus any further?” 71 was getting serious as we walked towards the first door in Detention Center B. I could see his features tighten up through the cloud of smokey haze that protected his identity.

“Honestly, nothing, but hey! It might be worth some fun.” 17 had a very cocksure grin on my lips when she said that. They spun the lock for the bulkhead door until the metal protested and whined as it ground the hydraulic locks open. The door creaked and inside was a aqua colored pegasus with a spearmint green mane and tail.

He let out a very loud yelp, “Hey, look! I’ll tell you what you want to know, just no more, please.” 17 smiled at the bleeding lip and bruises she had left on him earlier. The blindfold was clearly made of a pair of underwear, possibly his own. The pegasus was struggling against his bonds and his head darted side to side at every single sound in the room. A dripping pipe, the door creaking as it settled in its new open position, the sound of 71’s hooves against the floor.

“Awww, poor dear. She really did a number on you, didn’t she?” 71 almost sounded like a nurse consoling a child. He walked up with a grace to his movements that felt unnatural and seductive.

“I don’t know who the hell that barn door bottom is swaggering for. This pegasus is blind as a thestral in wearing soundproof earmuffs.”

71 turned his head and gave 17 as wink, I couldn’t see it but I could feel it. It was the same kind of feeling one would give when awkwardly being flirted with. Flirting that was both welcome and superfluous. You and him…

“Me and him, me and everyone more like it. Remember, dumb ‘zebra fever’ mare, I did what felt good at the time; I might sleep with a pony only to slit their throat in the night afterward.” I shuddered, feeling very dirty at what 17 had gotten up to with my body. “Oh, don’t be so high and mighty, all he had to do was call you cute.”

I snarled at 17 and the memory faded back to the real world.

ooOOoo

I felt myself slowly coming to, the blinding lights of the hospital wing welcoming me as a unicorn in blue nurse scrubs had her horn glowing over my head. “There we go, come on out of it.” He coaxed and cooed at me. I saw 71 at first then blinked several times and it wasn’t him. It was a soft beige unicorn with a dark blue mane. He had a few spots along his neck but I couldn’t see beyond that. His mane was in a surgeon’s net and his face was covered by a mask.

The nurse turned to someone else in the room, “She’s coming out of the memory. No damage that I can detect.”

I swore for a brief second I heard Agent 9 but the sensation went away almost immediately. Something left over from the memory? Where am I? What happened?

“Good, I cannot have my pet project getting her mind destroyed or corrupted by rogue memories. Do you know what caused it?” Shadow Window barked at the nurse.

The nurse shook her head while another pegasus, this one in a lab coat and doctor scrubs approached, “If I had to guess from the information presented in the memory; she is either losing her mind, there are more than two souls inside, or something else is going on with those boxes we barely understand. Perhaps if you could give us more—” A swift hoof was held up by Shadow Window to silence the doctor from finishing his sentence.

“I will be the judge of what information about our recombulators is shared and what is not. Now, is she healthy and sane?” Shadow Window looked at the doctor and nurse who I thought were going to shit their scrubs. Their eyes were wide with shock and both of them were reeling onto their hind hooves from Shadow Window’s incredibly threatening tone.
The doctor gulped visibly as my eyes regained all their focus and my senses came back. “We put a stop to the memory and she is all there. Her brave waves are normal according to the equipment but there are three underlying sets of brain wave patterns when she is dreaming or in one of her memory loops. Healthy and sane, I could not answer without further study. For now, she should be alright for the immediate future.”

Shadow Window glared at me and then at the doctor, “Talk to her, bring the ship’s psychological therapist up here. Perhaps she can make sense of all this.” Shadow Window stormed out of the room with a stern snort and her head held high, as if she were unapproachable on the subject. The doctor let out out a long sigh and turned his head towards me, then towards his nurse stallion.

“Alright, go find Feather Brain and tell him he needs to come in to see a new patient.” The doctor snapped his head towards the nurse, “Do not for one moment tell him who it is, and if anyone asks, this is classified. I’ll inform our patient.”

The doctor walked past his nurse before he had even absorbed all of that information and approached me. He pulled out a small flashlight and held it up to my eyes, blinding each one for a few seconds. “Your pupils look fine, do you know where you are?”

I took a second to further examine the room and recognized exactly where I was, I nodded slowly. The doctor shook his head, “I need verbal confirmation.”

“I am in the room you put me in after I was captured, when I nearly beat up your nurse and caused the incident when you brought me on board.” It was the exact same room, even with the paint scuff I had caused from throwing the hospital bed to block the orderlies.

“Good. Glad to see your accent is back, otherwise I would suspect this 17 had awoken in your place if not.” I looked at him rather surprised and felt a slow anger building inside me. “We had to probe into what you were experiencing to put a stop to it. I apologize for that, something unicorns are good for to the Enclave, mental magic.” He put his stethoscope up to my chest and checked my heart and lungs, pulling it across my frame.

I wasn’t listening to him completely; I looked around the room. My eyes were more concerned about my foals than anything else at the moment. How long have I been out? Did they get fed? Images of them crying their hearts out, unattended, flashed before my mind.

“The nurses you took care of your children this afternoon. Our magical interference may have slowed the play rate of the memory. You have been out for almost two hours, the memory may have taken less time to just play out but we need to understand this condition. Nothing in Enclave records or the Old World exists like it.” He cleared his throat and continued to examine my body. “I can’t be certain your recombulator is not at fault but I believe it may be. This memory condition, how often does it happen? How long has it been happening?”

I blinked a few times, realizing the doctor wasn’t going to leave me alone unless I answered. He gave a light tap onto my right cheek just behind the lip to get my attention. I licked my lips and cleared my throat, “Since I woke up in the wasteland, about two months ago?” I questioned myself as I looked to my PipBuck for an exact date, Jan. 6th 1212.

The doctor motioned his hoof, “And how often?”

I rolled my eyes, “I would be more comfortable talking to you if I knew your name, since you seem to know so much about me and have been inside my head without permission.” I gave the doctor a very guilty stare, the kind of guilt-wielding my mother had taught me.

He looked surprised and shocked, even raised his hoof to take a step back. “I ummm… apologize, I’m used to all the soldiers and crew knowing who I am. I’m Doctor Wind Break, please get the jokes out of your system at a later date.” Pink snickered at his name.

I didn't quite get the joke but nodded as I thought to his question, “I am not entirely sure how often this happens to me. I get them sometimes multiple times a day, other times less than once a week. It feels random, like they are triggered by something, and I have no control over it.”

The doctor nodded and took several notes as he worked down a clipboard he held aloft in his magical aura. The door groaned as the hydraulic wheel was turned and the pistons released their hold on the bulkhead. In walked two ponies: one was a stallion pegasus wearing a very billowy, ugly sweater, and his cutie mark was a thought bubble and a pen writing into a book. He had a off-white sparkly pearl coat and his mane was a deep blue, like the depth of the ocean.

Next to him, was… My Firearms Instructor Chroma Slip! I was startled to say the least and Chroma Slip looked just as startled as I did. The recognition in each other’s eyes was not lost on the doctor, nor upon this new stallion in the sweater.

The doctor cleared his throat, “I see you have met, or well at some point you might have. Chroma Slip is one of our resident thestrals and a pre-war pony like yourself. I did not realize the two of you had met before.”

I was desperately fighting a memory to stay in this conversation, Chroma Slip took a step back and the doctor nodded to her, “Right, Chroma Slip you may go; no need to explain this. We will deal with it at a later day. My patient has had enough shocks for one day.”

Chroma Slip did not need to be told twice and disappeared from the room faster than she had arrived. “This is Doctor Feather Brain. He is the ship’s psychiatrist and will be working with you on these mental issues and random memory orb like experiences till we can analyze what is happening to you. He is also going to provide some assistance in your transition to being an Enclave citizen.”

I was stunned by the words, more so than seeing a pony from Stalliongrad, a ghost of the past I did not fully understand. Feather Brain extended a hoof towards me to shake, “Hello, I”ve read your file and heard quite a bit about you, Wandering Sunrise. It is now my job to help you transition to life in the Enclave and your future life as mother of the Enclave.” He explained and I very hesitantly reached forward to meet his hoof.

“I do not want to sound rude but why do you believe I need a psychiatrist?” I didn’t sound the least bit convincing with my trembling words. I mean I think I need a psychiatrist but that is a whole new cake we don’t wanna cut right now.

“Well, you have suffered an immense amount of trauma in the Wasteland and from what the doctor tells me, you have an arsenal of repressed memories. All of this needs to be brought to the light and examined if you are to become a model citizen of the Enclave.” Feather Brain explained as he motioned the doctor to leave.

I looked at him skeptically and worried about what he might do or find. “Sunrise, you’re gonna have to play along here and get rid of him! The last thing we need is him bending bars on that cage or scratching the wall down!” I turned to Pink, looking betrayed at her. She looked back at me, “I’m just gonna say, you asked me to make the wall and made me Pinkie Promise to not tell you why. I. never. break. a. Pinkie. Promise.”

I made a conscious decision to talk to Pink later; then it occurred to me. If I talk to this therapist honestly, I’m accepting that I will never get out. I am accepting my fate. My heart sank deeper than I had ever felt. The hope I had held up was being snuffed out. At some point, I won’t be going through the motions. I’ll be accepting that I will never see my friends again.

Feather Brain could see the expression of shock and hopelessness on my face. He knelt down. “I see something I said has hurt you, do you want to talk about it?”

I looked at him, “No, not yet. I umm… I would like some time alone, can we schedule to see each other tomorrow?” Feather Brain nodded and started to leave. “Can you bring my foals in here when they wake up? I do not want Orchard Blossom dealing with them alone.”

Feather Brain paused, as if he were considering something, his face flashing with darkened thoughts by the furrow of his brow for a moment. Then he nodded slowly, “If it will help you recover and remove your stress, yes, I can arrange them to be brought here when they wake up.”

I nodded back, “I will do my best, I just need some time with my thoughts.” I tried to assure him, hiding the true feeling inside my heart.

*****

I had started to fall asleep, my two bundles of joy pressed against my side. I was starting to nod off now that the two of them were fed and actually sleeping.

I was thinking about what life would be like in the Enclave for them. I was also searching for names for them. It felt so wrong to name foals without the father present to approve or give his thoughts. I wonder if my dad was there when they named me or if Shadow Window named me all on her own? I felt sleepy as my body’s exhaustion started to reach up to me.

The emotions I had been through today would be trying for a normal hardened Wastelander. For me, I had only stayed awake to make sure my twins had gotten their milk and were settled in to sleep. My teats hurt from their impatience earlier. My eyes hurt from tears as the thoughts of them having to grow up in the Enclave overwhelmed me. What kind of life would they have? Zonies, both of them, and only the filly had a unicorn horn. No promise they would have any of the Zebrican Shamanism in their blood or that the filly’s horn would be powerful enough for the Enclave to consider them useful.

I shouldn’t name them without their father, I just shouldn’t do that. But if we cannot escape this place, I may not have any choice. I looked at their small heads. I’d born them into this world and they expected me to protect them. I was expected to teach them and raise them. What do I tell them about the father they might never meet? A horrific realization hit me like a sack of bricks. They’re hostages. They are the hostages that will keep me in line and make me do whatever… my mot—

“No, she isn’t that anymore. She is Shadow Window, the Superintendent. She is not your family anymore, take the hint, Sunrise!, she isn’t your mother anymore.” I groaned at Pink, not wanting to fully accept that debate yet.

Yeah, but sometimes I see my mother in her. Other times I see the monster wearing her face. I have to be sure, I need to have a talk with her. I have to know for sure what she is. I looked over my little filly unicorn, I brushed her grey and dull blue mane from her face. They’re so precious, what do I do, Pink?”

There was no answer. I waited for a while, as my mind went to dark places that offered a solution to our problem but no hope of a future. A solution I immediately would never consider. I assumed that thought came from 17, not my own mind. Now, I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to emotionally reset my brain and rest.

I was almost nodded off, my mind right between the haze of awake and sleep paralysis. I felt something and a light started hitting my eyes. “Pink… not now, I am finally able to sleep.”

“The one of Pink is not who calls, it is a striped pink at your mental walls.” Chifundo’s voice hit me like a sack of bricks.

My eyes snapped open and I turned my head towards the Pink light in the room. There were now four ponies here, myself, my foals, and one very bright, semi-transparent, ghost-like Chifundo. “Chifundo? What in the name of the Twin Sisters is going on?”

Chifundo smiled, "An explanation for you is what we require, but hearing your voice, for now, is all I desire."

Game Master Notes:

Addictions Cured! - Ya know, getting shot in the head tends to kill the body. I thought .45 killed the soul but we were wrong. Ya know what’s great about your recombulator? Your drug addictions don’t carry over between incarnations. Your addiction to Med-X and Coffee is cured, at least physically; I can’t say what this has done to you mentally.