Cadence Comes Clean

by Cyberbard

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, Slice of Life
Length: 2946

A conversation with the famous, or infamous, Princess Cadence.

Since her appearance in the Canterlot Wedding, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza has been the subject of numerous questions. In this conversation-style piece, she attempts to answer many of the questions that have been asked about her, and of the Wedding episode duet.

Published 2012-07-20 21:24:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-07-20 21:24:01 UTC

Cadence Comes Clean

Hello.  This is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza speaking; you know me as Princess Cadence, which is the name I prefer to go by.  I understand that my recent appearance on the Friendship is Magic reality show created some anxiety among the more avid followers.  I am here, with the approval of the Royal Press Secretary, to address many of the concerns that have arisen both about me and the events portrayed in “A Canterlot Wedding.”

Twilight Sparkle has a brother?!?  Since when?

All of her life!  Shining is six years older than she is, and he is the oldest of the Sparkle children.  Twilight actually has two brothers.  Her younger brother plays guitar in an emo rock band, and uses the stage name Cloud Cover.  He’s a good young stallion, if a little weird.  He was at the wedding… along with just about everyone else who lives in Canterlot.  He avoided the photographer, however.

There was also a foal born between Shining and Twilight, but tragically, she died of a rare foalhood disease.  That’s all I’m willing to tell you about that.  Shining barely remembers that, and understandably he doesn’t like to talk about what little he does remember.

Why hasn't she mentioned him before?

For a definitive answer on this, I’m afraid you’ll have to ask Twilight.  But since I’ve known her for almost twenty years, I’ll venture a theory.  Twilight is a very shy and reserved pony who doesn’t like to attract attention.  That you already know.  She also doesn’t like to bring attention to her family.  It’s not because she isn’t proud of her family; in fact the opposite is true.  Twilight is afraid that if she speaks at length about her family, her words will be interpreted as bragging, and that ponies will resent her.  Do you remember her anxiety when Beatrix Lulamoon (aka the Great and Powerful Trixie) was running amok in Ponyville?  It’s the same issue.

Empirically speaking, this is pretty silly.  Her father is a highly respected businessman and philanthropist within Canterlot.  Her mother is a tenured professor at the University of Canterlot, where she teaches contemporary languages.  Her brother has a prestigious position in the Equestrian military.  Her most famous family member is probably her paternal uncle, Gleaming Sword.  You heard that right; the hero of the Revisionist War; the colonel who led the liberation of Trottingham and perhaps changed the course of the war.  Yes, that Gleaming Sword.

Twilight wants to be known simply as Twilight; not as the daughter of the well respected philanthropist and businessman who has done many wonderful things for Canterlot and its environs; not as the daughter of a famous processor and renowned linguist; not as the sister of the current Captain of the Canterlot palace guard; and not as the niece of one of Equestria’s most famous living war heroes.

She doesn’t feel worthy of associating with such ponies, never mind being part of their family.  Like I said, this is pretty silly; as she has more than earned their company.  Twilight Sparkle is only 23 years old, and she has already done as much for Equestria as all of her extended family combined!   She’s the Guardian of Magic, and the personal student of Princess Celestia for griffon’s sake!  She is perhaps the most gifted unicorn sorcerer since Starswirl the Bearded, and among the Canterlot elite it’s assumed without question that she will eventually become Archmagester of Equestria!  Celestia seems to think that even this will pale in comparison to what she will eventually achieve.  Given that both Celestia and Luna have a certain degree of pre-cognition about many things, I’m inclined to take her words seriously. (Though I will confess that their see-into-a-possible-future thing can really creep me out!)

But Twilight won’t hear any of this.  She would prefer to just be simple, hard working, Twilight Sparkle; nothing more, and nothing less.

Speaking strictly for myself, in light of everything she has done for Equestria, if she wants to live a quiet, simple and private life, we should allow her to do so.  We, the ponies of Equestria, owe her that respect.

Why hasn’t Twilight mentioned you before?

Well, we were good friends, but ultimately, I was just her foal sitter.  How many of you remember your babysitters?  My point exactly.

I knew Twilight before she became Celestia’s protégé.  She entered Celestia’s school at age eleven, which is the norm, and after that we started loosing touch.  I had other foals to look after, and my own schooling to attend do, so we simply drifted apart.  I didn’t start dating her brother until a mere four years ago, when she was in college, and Shining was stationed at the city barracks.  So if you ask why she hasn’t mentioned me before, well, though it saddens a bit to say it, I’ve been out of her life for a very long time.  She’s had no compelling reason to mention me.

Uh, just how old are you?

If you must know, I’m 29.  No really, I am.  I’ll turn 30 in six months.  My rather dull biography was published in the local papers when the wedding was announced if you want to know more.

Since I’m only six years older than Twilight, I will say that she was my first foal sitting client.  I took an interest in child care at about that time, and took up foal sitting as a result.  Being a princess can be unspeakably boring, so having a productive use for my time was quite welcome.

And before you ask, I did have a crush on Shining after meeting the Sparkle family.  He looked so dapper in his cadet uniform… what filly wouldn’t?  But here too we drifted apart when I lost touch with the Sparkle family, and we didn’t reconnect until many years later.  In hindsight, this is a good thing.  We were adults when he fell in love, not lovesick children.  Maturity has some benefits.

About that Princess thing, why haven’t we seen you before?

I worked at it.  Seriously!  Forget the fairy tales for a moment.  Being a Princess or Prince of Equestria can actually be a miserable life!   Such ponies are supposed to live lives of “aesthetic perfection,” working to expand the collective knowledge of the world.  In practice, most of them sit back on their haunches and do little or nothing for anyone except themselves.

For someone like me, who enjoys caring for children, having to spend my evenings and weekends with such a lot is torture!  However, with the encouragement of my aunts, I carry on, and I retain my title, because an Equestrian Princess like myself is what the remaining Princess are supposed to be like!

A tragic example of what most Equestrian princes have become in the modern age is my distant cousin, Anton Blueblood.  Mark my words, he has the potential to be a fine pony.  He is well read, intelligent, witty (when inclined to be so), and is an excellent cartographer!  His cutie mark represents that. But he, and those “royals” around him, are prisoners of antiquated notions and codes of behavior that have little or no place in modern society.  And so, he is slowly but surely being crushed by boredom, and a code of conduct that won’t allow him to be what he is truly meant to be.

For the record, my aunt Luna is proposing a special project where his skills as a cartographer would be well used.  I will beseech my aunt to consider involving him at the appropriate time.

To fully explain the nature of why the Equestrian princes and princesses became what they did would take more time than I have at the moment.

OK, so being a Princess really isn’t that big a deal, unless you’re one of the Alicorn princesses.  But how in the world was Chrysalis able to strike down Celestia?  And where the heck was Luna?

Well, during the false wedding, Luna was trapped in her quarters.  Some of Chrysalis’s drones had trapped her in there, and a magical field was used to prevent her from calling for help.  I’ll wager that this was a strategic move on Chrysalis’s part, to keep the two sisters separated.  So while all Tarturus was breaking loose in the great hall, Luna and her personal staff were trapped in Luna’s tower, fighting their way out!  I saw the mess later on.  Take my advice and never tick off Luna.

Usually, when Celestia holds an event in the great hall, she’s on the dais as you know.  However, there is a large, ornate balcony in the back of the great hall, just over the main entrance; sadly you usually can’t see it on camera.  Luna usually sits in this area.  It’s a throwback to the parliament hall of the old kingdom; the two sisters would sit at opposite ends of the room with the parliament in the middle.  During the false wedding, what everyone thought was Luna was actually one of the changelings!  Again, the real Luna was busy elsewhere.

As for Celestia, Chrysalis’s disguise was convincing enough to fool even her, so basically Chrysalis got the drop on Celestia.  Celestia also badly underestimated Chrysalis.  That monster was using some inverted version of my powers, and hit Celestia with far more force than she had any reason to expect.  I suspect there were other factors as well, but that’s the big one.

During the actual wedding, Celestia was of course at the dais, presiding.  Luna, the real Luna that is, was in the large balcony at the back of the hall.  She had to step out of the first part of the reception to do the sun-moon-swap thing that she and her sister do twice a day, but that’s all.  All she really missed was the first dance.  She saw Rainbow Dash’s rainboom from the high tower.  How could she have missed it!?!

While we’re on the subject of Luna, where was she through all of season one?!?

Recovering.  Give the mare a break!  She spent 1000 years imprisoned on the moon, after being corrupted by dark magic.  When the Harmony Wave broke that dark magic, it regressed Luna’s apparent age, really messed up her powers, and brought on a full-blown nervous breakdown!  She spent most of that year in the palace infirmary being nursed back to health.  By the time she visited Ponyville for the Nightmare Night festival, she had recovered enough to go out and about.  She now makes regular appearances in and around Canterlot.  But mind you, she is still recovering.  As I understand it, when she has all of her strength back, she’ll be as large as Celestia, and almost as powerful.  Like I said, don’t tick her off.

Ticking off an Alicorn is generally bad for one’s health.

That brings up another thing.  You sure look like an Alicorn, but there is only supposed to be two of them.  Everything we’ve read up until your appearance suggested that.  What’s with that?!?

That’s easy: I am not an Alicorn.  A least not in the way you’re thinking of.  Are their other Alicorns?  Yes, I believe there are.  But I don’t know who they are, where they may be, or anything else about them.  I honestly don’t.  Sorry.

I may look like an Alicorn, but I’m actually a winged unicorn.  Let me explain.

My father is a unicorn, from one of the long noble lines.  My mother is a Pegasus, from a long line of influential Pegasus families.  The Pegasi don’t have nobility in the way unicorns do, but like Earth ponies, there are several clans who have had a lot of influence in pegasus society, dating back to the old kingdom.  These families intermarried with the unicorn nobles to cement the union of the three main tribes.  This continues to this day, and my parents are examples.

Though unlike in the old days, theirs isn’t an arranged marriage, even though both families approved.  My parents married for love.  They love each other so much they haven’t been apart for more than two days in their 29 years of marriage.

Wait.  Oops.  I did say I was 29.  Well, that’s another reason my parents got married; they wanted to make sure I was born on the right side of the stable, even though I was conceived on the wrong side.  Meh.  It happens like that sometimes.

So anyway, I have wings because my mother has wings.  As you’ve seen with Mr. and Mrs. Cake (thanks for the amazing cookies, guys!), genetics can sometimes do strange things.  Usually a hybrid of unicorn and pegasus will favor one stock over the other.  But on occasions a unicorn will be born with pegasus wings.  Such instances are very rare, but not unheard of.  Such ponies are usually called winged unicorns, and I am such a case.

I may look like an Alicorn in terms of body construction, but the resemblance ends there.  My magical skills are restricted to a certain type of magic, like most unicorns.  In my case, I use charms to calm extreme emotions, convince people to stop fighting, and in certain cases, help them fall in love.  I can also do the standards like levitation and teleportation, though the later tends to give me motion sickness.

To answer another question that people have asked me, I can not make ponies fall in love.  As you know from the love potion/poison debacle, that really isn’t possible.  The attraction has to exist in the first place.  I can give it a nudge, and I can enhance what’s already present, but I can’t create love where there is none.

My magical abilities can also be affected by those around me.  As you saw during Chrysalis’s invasion, I was able to use my magic to restore Shining Armor’s strength, and he was in turn able to use his magic to drive away the changelings.  In the presence of someone I love very much, like Shining, my magic can be stronger than usual.  I’ve been told that empathy is at work, and I am an empath (more on that in a moment).  I was able to draw out Shining’s love for me, amplify it, and then use it to heal him.  I was also drawing on the love from those nearby; Celestia’s love for Equestria for example, and the strong friendships between Twilight and her companions.  Against such a combined force, Chrysalis barely knew what hit her.

Regarding my wings, I can fly, but not like a pegasus.  My wings are not strong enough to normally lift me.  As much as it pains me to say it, I’m too heavy.  My weight is perfect for a unicorn of my height (thank you very much…), but pegasi have a lighter skeleton than unicorns or Earth ponies, and that’s one of the reasons they can fly.  For me to fly, I have to supplement it with levitation magic.  I basically use levitation to make myself lighter, and then use my wings to give direction and speed.  When I carried Twilight across that chasm, it was difficult, and it required levitation magic from both of us to complete the jump.  But hey, it worked, and we got out in time to stop the false wedding.

At any rate, I can fly at a modest pace, walk on clouds for a limited time, and can glide for respectable distances.  But if you were to put me in a race against a pegasus?  I suspect that even sweet, reserved Fluttershy would whip my nicely toned flank!

Again, I am not an Alicorn.  And if the truth be told, I am grateful for that.  Immortality, even near-immortality, is a terrible burden.  Sometimes I look into Celestia and Luna’s eyes, and I see the weight of so many years, and the anguish they have endured.  They don’t think I see it, but I do.  A side-effect of my special talent is that I’m empathic, so I can sense emotions in other ponies.  The pain they carry has, at times, reduced me to tears!  No pony, not even a demigoddess, should have to carry so much agony.

I am 29 years old, and so long as I take good care of myself, I should live to be about 120.  If I’m extra lucky, I’ll live to 140, which would put me on par with Granny Smith Apple.  But regardless, I will age.  And one day, I will die.  Shining and I will watch each other’s bodies gradually sag and fall apart, but so long as he’s with me, I'm fine with that.

If I were immortal, I would never have allowed myself to fall in love with him.  I know myself well enough that if I had done so, on the inevitable day that I loose him, my mind would shatter with the knowledge that I would live on for eternity without him at my side.  Empathy can do that. I know that one of us will die before the other, and that there is a 50% chance that Shining will die first.  Hopefully by that time we will have had eight or nine decades together.  For mortal ponies that truly love one another, death is a temporary separation.  His soul will wait for me to return to his.  And if it turns out that I die first, then I will wait for him.  The separation won’t be a long one.

And finally, if I were an Alicorn, I wouldn’t be able to bear children.  This is something that Celestia did directly tell me: an Alicorn can’t have children.  This may come as a shock to many of you, but at one point in their lives, both Celestia and Luna had lovers, and attempted to bear foals.  But they never could, and divination established that they never could have.  That’s part of the price for immortality, and it’s a very high one.  One of the joys of life is watching children grow, and seeing what they become.  I’m looking forward to experiencing that joy.  The fact that my aunts can not, never could, and never will, is a real tragedy.

So, that about covers what many of you have been asking about me.  I hope I’ve cleared up a few things, and that those of you who hate me ( you have that right) can perhaps now understand me a little better.  I would also like to thank my host for giving me this opportunity to speak with you, and I wish you all the very best possible of days!

Cadence