The Average Day of a Bad Self-insert: The Sequel

by Alfoals Trottenbauer

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Applejack, Changelings, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Comedy
Length: 1390

A look at Ace's everyday life.

Many people don't have the skill to write, so much so that it's become a sort of lost art. This series brings the many possible errors or tropes to light.

Published 2017-12-06 05:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-06 05:10:07 UTC

II - Canterlot

"Well, that's quite the predicament." Princess Celestia remarked.

"D-do you have a solution?" Ace asked nervously.

"Guards, throw him into the dungeon." She indicated calmly.

"Wait, what?" Ace was surprised.

"Well, we can't just have Twilight driving ponies insane." She said.

"What does that have to do with me?" Ace asked again.

"Well, she only seems to follow you. Where are my guards?"

"Sorry your majesty, there was a problem downstairs." Shining Armor answered.

"Take this stallion to the dungeon, please." She repeated.

"Right away."

The barred door slammed shut and locked.

"Well, road apples." Ace sighed.

"Ace, you need to get us out of here." Twilight demanded.

"Twilight, I'm not going to do that. That would be extremely illegal." He strictly replied.

A few nights went by and Ace had snapped.

"Guards, please help... I'm about to break these bars with my bare hooves!" He shouted.

He slammed his hooves into the door, causing it to fall over.

He galloped out of his cell. Celestia stood in the way.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asked.

"Step out of the way, princess."

She attempted to use a holding spell, but it failed.

"He's too much of a Gary Stue! I can't handle his power!"

"Um... What?"

"You're the Self-Insert, the embodiment of The Writer!" She exclaimed.

"Okay..?" He said awkwardly as he trotted out the castle doors.

He galloped out of the courtyard, so that no guards would see him.

"Ace, that was quite a battle!" Twilight remarked.

"Road apples." He mumbled.

III - Alternate Solutions

"I need to find somepony who can help me." Ace stated to himself.

"Help you with what?" Twilight asked.

"With you." He clarified.

He trotted toward the Everfree Forest. Zecora's place was close by.

He went in through the bead curtain.

"Zecora, I've got a problem."

"What kind of problem might it be, so I might be able to help thee?" She asked.

"Well, Twilight Sparkle's spirit is following me and is driving me crazy, could you maybe get rid of her, or revive her?" He asked.

"The solution to Twilight's ghost is a simple spell at most." She turned the pages of a spellbook.

"O, spirit, return to your host, or forever remain a ghost." She repeated 3 times.

Twilight was suddenly alive again.

"See ya, fuckers!" Twilight called behind her as she galloped away.

"Well, that solves that, I guess... Thanks, Zecora." Ace said.

IV - Crossover

A lightsaber fell from the sky.

"What the hay?" Ace was surprised.

He levitated it and it disappeared.

"Okay... I'm just going to pretend that hadn't happened." He sighed.

He trotted a ways and a crowbar was on the ground. It had 'Black Mesa Research Facility' Written on it.

A monkey wrench was not too far from it.

A whip was close by.

"What is this, the Various Melee Weapons Forest?" He asked.

A Gauss gun was hanging from a branch.

"Nope. Sorry, it's just the Various Weapons Forest." He clarified to himself.

A spaceship flew overhead.

"Um... That was... Strange."

He trotted a bit faster.

He was outside of the forest. Gordon Freemane galloped past.

"Okay, it looks like it's that time again." He thought to himself,

"The weird ponies are arriving again."

A giant swarm of Changelings flew overhead.

"Wait..." He looked up.

They dove in the direction of canterlot.

"Well, my respect for Celestia had been declining since she imprisoned me for three days." He remarked in his head.

A changeling flew over his head, his horn almost touching it's abdomen.

"New flyer here, I see!" He called behind him in the direction of the Changeling.

Applejack trotted toward him.

"What're you yellin' about?" She asked, one of her eyes were light blue.

"Nice disguise there, buddy..." He retorted.

The changeling reverted to it's form.

"Fuck you anyway." It said in a raspy voice and took off.

Ace trotted in a random direction.

Three more low-flying Changelings buzzed past his sides.

He didn't make much of it.

V - [Original Title]

He needed to find out why Equestria's so weird lately. He trotted toward Ponyville. Reluctantly, he knocked on the door to Twilight's library.

Nopony was there.

A book titled 'Why Equestria's so Strange' rested on the ground.

How convenient.

He opened the book and it read:

"This world is a story which bends at the will of a Neckbearded, Fedora-wearing, Twenty-three year old Danish man named 'The writer.' The Writer isn't very skilled at well, writing. So instead, he uses templates of other stories and puts a small twist on them, usually pairing ponies with strange ponies nopony's heard of. These strangers, generally Alicorns, have no flaws in their personality. They are often called 'Mary Sues' and 'Gary Stues'."

He shut the book.

"Okay, all I have to do is wait this out." He thought.

VII - Hopefully the End.

Luckily for him, they were too poorly written to notice he had tripped at all. They ran into the forest in hot pursuit of somepony they had passed long ago.

He trotted back to town.

I - Rude Awakening

"Ace!" Twilight shouted for at least the sixteenth time this morning.

Ace's mane was a mess, he was kept up by Twilight's ghost since 12:00 last night. It was currently 9:00 in the morning and he was late to work.

"What?!" He asked.

He noticed a long time ago she didn't leave when he asked last week.

"I'm still dead."

"No, really? I never would've guessed." He said sarcastically.

He poured himself a cup of tea.

"This isn't a time for breakfast!" She shouted.

"Twilight, please. You've been 'dead' for a week now, I'm not going to help you. Find somepony else to bother." He replied.

He downed the tea and strode out the door.

"Twilight, I know you're still there. The apple family won't be too happy if I come to buck apples with you following me."

Applejack trotted out Sweet Apple Acres' gate.

"Ace? What're ya doin' with Twilight's... G-ghost!?" She asked, realizing what she said before she finished saying it.

"Listen, I can explain. Ever since the beginning of this week, Equestria has been really strange. Twilight seemed to have died for no reason, somepon- someone, has been mentioned named 'The Writer', something else called 'The Plot' was mentioned. Honestly, I haven't been very sane, lately." He lengthily explained.

"Well, that's an explanation if I ever seen one." She commented.

"Well, go on in through the gates."

He cantered in through the gates, got a wooden basket, and bucked a tree. The apples fell into the basket. An apple rose in the air and a bite was taken out of it.

"Twilight..!" He warned.

More bites appeared.

"That's it, I'm taking you to somepony who knows this kind of problem.

VI - Mary Sues

Rainbow Sparkle the Alicorn trotted down the pathway with her rainbow, glowing mane and tail flowing in the wind, ponies fainting from the sight of her. Celestia and Twilight Sparkle hated her, and she was the true princess.

Ace glanced her way and put a hoof over his face. He trotted to her.

"Excuse me, who the hay are you?" He asked.

"I'm Rainbow Sparkle, don't you remember me? You and I are prince and princess!" She exclaimed.

"No. No thanks." Ace said as he trotted off, agitated.

She flew toward him.

"Ace, wait for me!"

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nooooope!" Ace shouted as he galloped away.

Living Nightmare the Changeling did his usual every-three-second-leg-cutting session he did. Black blood oozed from the wounds. He felt no emotion. Though he was getting better, his cutting reduced greatly, it used to be every .5 of a second he cut himself. He was, after all, more evil than Nightmare Moon, Queen Chrysalis, Tirek, Sombra, and Discord combined.

Ace knocked him over galloping from Rainbow Sparkle.

Spike's cousin, Flare, was walking down the path, when he was flung backward by Ace, being chased by Rainbow Sparkle and Living Nightmare.

It was by this time Ace realized he might not make it out alive.

He tripped on a stone, and started rolling like a wheel down a dirt hill. He stopped eventually and collapsed in the dirt.

"Maybe if I act dead, they won't notice." He thought.