Lapis comes to town

by Dudofall

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sad, Drama, Comedy, Discord, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Steven Universe
Length: 8430

Lapis arrives in town. The denizens of Equus welcome her as best they can. Discord is amused.

Lapis just left the earth with a barn full of her personal possessions. Now she’s coming to Equestria to get some help processing her feelings. Fortunately the world she arrives in is full of friendly ponies who only want to help!

Published 2018-05-08 15:00:11 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-18 03:10:35 UTC

Chapter 1

Lapis soared into space on aqueous wings, carrying a barn with her in a hemisphere of water. A single tear ran down the left side of her face. It froze in the inky dark depths of space. There was no sound.

"Alright, let's just get this over with," a tricky voice said.

Lapis gasped. "What?! Who are you?" The speaker revealed himself to be Discord.

"Okay, but not everybody knows what I look like," he said, seemingly addressing the vacuum.

"How could I not know what you look like?" Lapis asked rhetorically. "You don't see many creatures with brown bodies, gray heads, yellow eyes with red pupils, and mismatched limbs in the depths of space! How can you even breath?"

Discord shrugged, snapped his fingers, and was wearing a spacesuit in the blink of an eye. "Better?" he asked. Lapis threw the barn at him. "How rude!" Discord shouted from inside the helmet. With another snap of the fingers, he disappeared, taking Lapis and the barn with him.

The blue humanoid lost her balance, and who could blame her? She'd left a zero gravity environment with no chance to prepare herself for this sudden change. "Wha-where am I?" she asked.

Discord shrugged, then turned into a question mark on her shoulder. "It's not my job to explain everything," he said, bouncing, "I'm just supposed to take you here and be done with it. You'll know when it's time for me to send you back, so here's a token." With flash, Discord was standing in front of Lapis. He passed her a golden bishop.

"Wait! I have so many questions! This is the worst time for me to be anywhere else!"

"Peace," Discord said, and he spun into a tasmanian devil-style tornado before vanishing with a flash. Lapis shouted and stamped her foot. She then took a moment to look around. She was standing on the outskirts of some sort of village. There was snow on the ground, a mountain in the distance, and an imposing set of wooden walls surrounding said town.

Lapis came to a realization. "Wait, where is it?!" She summoned her wings and took to the air, frantically searching for something. On top of the mountain, she finally landed next to a large dome. A post-it note had hastily been placed on it, with loopy handwriting that said she would know when she was ready to reenter the barn. With a heavy sigh, (after testing the barrier with the hefty amount of water that was still inside, surrounding the barn) the ocean gem glided to the village.

Yakyakistan was the name of the village. Their prince, an orange yak by the name of Rutherford, welcomed her cautiously. "Since yaks became friends with ponies, yaks want to be friends with everyone! Yaks never seen Lazulis before..."

"Look, I don't want to be here. If you give me a place to stay, I'll protect your village. Just leave me alone unless there's trouble." She figured it would be a decent place to exist and reflect.

The yak conferred with his advisors. "What kind of protection can fragile Lazuli give?" Lapis glared at him. She then picked up some snow and melted it in her hands. "All yaks can hold snow. What is the point of this?" When she had a fair amount of water, Lapis formed a few ice spears. She let them hover menacingly around her person. The yaks got the message. "Yaks make new house just for lazuli!" And with that, Lapis Lazuli found herself living in Yakyakistan.

Chapter 2

"You WHAT?" Twilight shouted.

Discord temporarily pulled the bananas out of his ears. "I brought an alien to live here. She needed some emotional support, why is that such a big deal? Isn't that what friends are for?"

The princess of friendship glared. "It's different when your FRIEND is an ALIEN! How long as she been here? Is she a threat against Equestria? Your last friend I'd never heard of was the Smooze!"

"Come now Twilight, can't you see you're being unreasonable here?" Discord asked, lounging on a pile of pastries. What kind of pastries? Why of course they were Abyssinian. "You're the one who's always telling me how great it is to have friends. Isn't it even better to have more friends?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Furthermore," the chaos spirit elaborated as he hung from the friendship memory chandelier, "you've always said that you appreciate how different from you all your friends are. So isn't it even more important to have a friend who's never seen your species before?"

Twilight placed her face on the table and groaned. "klj w4fm fswfio sfef sife," she mumbled.

Discord replaced the bananas with minion-themed ear trumpets. "What's that?"

"I hate it when you're right. You get this smug look on your face."

Discord grinned.

"That's the one."

Chapter 3

A small, cute yak brought Lapis breakfast in the morning. "I don't need food."

"You sure?" the calf asked. His adorable eyes shone with childlike curiosity.

"I'm sure," the gem insisted.

In response, he shrugged and began to eat the tiered yak cake. "So how long will you stay with yaks?" he wondered.

"I don't know. I'm supposed to, but I don't."

"Why are you here?"

"I just wanted some time to think. I might be here forever, or until the earth is destroyed. I suppose as soon as the war is over, but it's going to be hard to find that out."

"What is war?" The young yak asked innocently.

Lapis sighed. "I'll show you, but only because I'm bored." She left her hut and walked out into the snow. The calf started to follow her, but stopped when she held up a hand and said, "Wait." He grumbled and kicked a wall. It hurt. She returned with a ball of snow, which she melted and spread across the floor. It glistened and shimmered, making a bluesy sound and showing an image. In the image, a tall brutish gem stood ready for a battle opposite a thin, spindly gem. They ran towards each other.

The yak smiled. "Oh, they're going to give each other a hug!"

"No! Watch." The spindly gem pulled a spear from her forehead and stabbed at her opponent. The brutish gem summoned a helmet and used it to block the attack.

The yak shrugged. "I see. They're trying to horn bump without horns!" The image vanished.

Lapis frowned intensely. "You don't get it, do you?" The yak shook his head. "Just leave me alone..."

"Okay." The calf turned up his cuteness to overload levels. One would almost call him gigacute, because his eyes and mouth seemed to defy reality in how cute they were. He had a face that would launch one thousand cuteness nukes into the most adorable doomsday the world had ever seen. Lapis looked into the cutest infinite void she'd ever seen. The void gazed back, incredibly miserable.

She spoke up. "Actually, why don't you stay for a bit."

In an instant, the young yak's face returned to normal. "I will!"

Chapter 4

The Amarok is widely believed to be an inherently mean-spirited wolf. This is not true. Despite its magical ability to smell weakness and hear the steps of someone traveling alone, the Amarok only rarely hunts out of spite. Most of the time, it doesn't even hunt sentient beings. However, tonight it was certainly hunting for spiteful reasons. Its shaggy black legs stalked stealthily in the snow and its mystical nose probed the night air for prey. The Amarok was only a few feet taller than an adult yak, but it wore those feet well. In addition, its off-white eyes were better than a yak's at seeking out prey in the darkness. Tonight the frigid mountainside was host to a lone traveler who seemed like easy pickings to the giant wolf. A pony was rare enough in this area, and this one's purple coat stood out from the snow like a sore toe. The Amarok drew closer. The pony kept walking, not noticing it in the slightest. Drool ran down the wolf's jagged jaw. The pony's wings stayed at her sides, and her horn was lit only with a simple light spell. Something seemed too good to be true about this prey, something the Amarok hadn't experienced in a long time.

"Are you lost?" she asked suddenly.

The Amarok was not prone to speaking to its prey. Still, it wasn't rude. "I know where I am."

"That's good."

"Are you lost?"

The pony shook her head. "Oh no, I know exactly where I'm going." There was an uneasy silence between the two, and neither was brave enough to break it until they'd almost reached the yak village.

"I've got a reputation to uphold, so would you mind-"

"Oh not at all! It's been too long since I ran away from a dangerous monster."

"You're too kind!" The Amarok followed this with a fearsome roar, the kind that wakes up an entire yak village and their alien guest. It proceeded to chase Twilight Sparkle over the hill and straight to the gates. She teleported excitedly past the walls, and the wolf howled a goodbye. It would later eat a few too many snowshoe hares and get an unequivocally nasty stomachache, but that's neither here nor there.

What was there, then? Or who? Prince Rutherford, of course, closely accompanied by Lapis Lazuli. Naturally he ordered the gates opened for the benefit of the Princess of Friendship. It was the principal of the thing that mattered most. The two royals met amicably in the prince's hut, which was slightly larger but no less spartan than the average Yak abode. There, the dialogue began, with the yak speaking first.

"Yaks always happy when ponies visit! How is equestrian yak ambassador Pinkie Pie?"

Twilight tsked, but answered. "Pinkie's fine, she keeps talking about cars revolutionizing party transport, but that's just Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. Actually, I'm here to talk to an alien who was brought here by Discord."

Lapis nodded. "That's me. I don't have much to do out here. I'll talk."

"Very well. Yaks need sleep, see you in the morning!" Rutherford decreed, and his guards slammed the doors as Lapis and Twilight left. They wandered a bit until they found the town's fire pit, with a small blaze still crackling. The princess fed the fire.

Lapis stared into it. "How did you know I was here?"

"Oh, Discord told me. We're...friends...kind of? It's hard to tell with him." Twilight replied.

"Do you even care that I was trying to go somewhere else when he kidnapped me?"

Twilight nodded. "Of course I care! As soon as I found out, I went out of my way to find out if you were okay! I had to cancel several meetings..."

The blue gem smiled slightly. "At least there's someone who hasn't given up on me yet..." She summoned her water wings and used them to cover her eyes. She could almost imagine that she was still on earth with Steven, walking towards a boat on that fateful day. They'd had some fun, but the boat had sunk and she'd been forced to fight a gem she never wanted to see again. As her mind wandered, she noticed a purple light coming from the pony princess. "Are you here to fight me?" she asked without moving.

The alicorn was taken aback. "Fight? No, why?"

"Where I come from, gems glow when they're about to summon their weapon."

"Well here in Equestria, magic is used for all sorts of things! I'm just trying to scan you. It's odd that you're able to control water like that without a horn."

"You really don't know anything about gems, do you?"

"No, would you like to explain?" Twilight floated a quill and parchment out of her saddlebag and made to give them to somedragon who wasn't actually there. She instead let them remain in the air, ready to take notes.

"I'm a Lapis Lazuli, so water is kind of my thing. It does what I want."

The alicorn nodded. "Go on."

"That's about it," Lapis attempted.

Twilight challenged Lapis with a Look. "What about other gems?" she asked deliberately.

"Well, Rubies have gauntlets and can create heat. Pearls use spears, Amethyst has a whip, Steven can summon a shield and a bubble, and Per-" her voice caught. "Peridot-" She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes. "Peridot has metal powers and is hard to poof."

"Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you!" Twilight said apologetically. She patted Lapis on the shoulder.

The gem sighed shakily. "I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Worrying is one of my duties as a princess."

"That sucks."

"I guess it does..."

Lapis looked at her shoulder. "Twilight."

"Yes Lapis?"

"You can stop patting my shoulder now."

She blushed a bit as she removed her hoof. "Sorry!"

Lapis crossed her arms. "It's not like I like you or anything! b-baka!

Twilight guave her a wink. "Of course not!"

"Besidddes, I'mmm alreaddy dabbing someone else," Lapis said.

Aw, that's to bad," Twiglit said.

"Too bald for you, naybe," Lapis said.

"What does taht evin meen?" Twiggles said.

The Frank Ocean gem twirled her hair with a figer. "Now let's get to the beach and put on bicinis!"

Then Discord jumped out of a can of fhis and said-

"Twilight, wake up!"

"Gah! I don't know what a bicini is!" Twilight yelped as she came to her senses.

Lapis smirked. "Do you always fall asleep in the middle of conversations? Steven never does that."

"It's nothing. I'm probably just tired from walking here in the snow."

"Why didn't you just fly?"

"I couldn't get the balloon fast enough, so I took a train to the crystal empire and walked from there."

"I meant with your wings," the gem clarified, pointing to them.

Twilight shook her head. "It's much too cold to fly, and if there was a snowstorm I wouldn't be able to see where I was going."

Lapis looked up at the clear sky. "We should fly now. There's no snow."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup. I'm looking at it."

"I mean, are you sure you wanna fly in this cold?"

The gem shrugged. "I don't mind the cold. It's warmer than space and that's enough."

"I suppose a flight couldn't hurt if we keep it short," Twilight conceded as she stretched her wings.

"Great." And with that, the two jumped into the air. Twilight had the early lead, since her wings were bolstered by alicorn magic, but Lapis wasn't one to be out-flown. In the sky, she was in her element. A few heavy flaps propelled her side-by-side with the princess.

She grinned, purple mane waving in the wind. "Let's have a race!"

"Okay," Lapis said, and leapt closer to the speed of sound. Twilight was not one to be outdone, so she too accelerated rapidly. As they both edged closer to creating a sonic boom, the snow below shifted into ocean. The princess said something about geography that Lapis couldn't hear over the wind. She flapped her water wings powerfully and soared above the clouds. The sonic boom she created was heard only by her flying friend. Lapis wondered if the organic nature of the princess would stop her from wanting to continue to race at high speeds. Since her body was made of light, the gem was unaffected by the altitude and the air resistance.

Twilight burst out of the clouds, causing a sonic boom of her own. "We're going too fast!" she yelled over the wind. Lapis wouldn't have heard her over the wind but for the use of a spell that allows for impeccable lip reading.

"Okay," Lapis replied. She air-braked with her wings and began to decelerate. Twilight did so as well, and for a while they were quiet as they dropped below the speed of sound, then below the average speed of Rainbow Dash, then finally to a comfortable flying speed that gave the princess a chance to catch her breath.

"I've never seen anypony fly so fast before!" she said finally.

Lapis shook her head. "I'm not a pony. I am a gem."

Twilight laughed. "But you know what I mean, right? Don't tell her I said this, but you're even faster than Rainbow Dash!"

"Who's that?"

"She's one of my best friends in all of Equestria!"

"So that's the name of this planet? Equestria?" Lapis wasn't one to judge a planet based on its name.

Twilight giggled. "Actually, there's constant debate on that in the astronomical community. Copper Nickels thinks the planet should be called Equus, with two u's, and Head Canon thinks it should be spelled E-q-u-i-s!"

"Cool."

"So what's your planet called?"

"Homeworld."

"That's...creative," Twilight attempted.

"It's descriptive. Homeworld is the home of all gems. It's where I used to live, before I got stuck on Earth." The ocean gem glided slowly towards the ground, which was sandier than the ground in Yakyakistan.

Twilight followed suit, then looked around. "I think this is the San Palomino desert. If we go east far enough, we should be able to take the train back home from Appleloosa."

"Why not just fly back?" Lapis asked.

Twilight blushed. "In order to catch up with you, I used up most of my magic reserves on a speed spell. I couldn't fly back to Yakyakistan nearly as fast..."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I tried to! I said, 'If I know my geography right, we should probably turn around before I run low on mana.' You just didn't hear me over the wind!"

"Fine, let's walk to the train and-" Lapis paused. "What's a train?"

"A train is a vehicle that rides rails between predetermined stations in order to transport ponies to towns or cities," the princess rattled off.

"So it's like a van, but you can't drive wherever you want? That's stupid."

"What's a van?"

"I don't have time to explain this, just point east and let's move."

"Fine!" Twilight used a small compass spell. "That's east," she said, pointing east. She dispelled the compass quickly to maintain mana. They began walking together.

Chapter 5

After passing through a rock farm and nearly getting into a fierce argument with Pinkie's relatives, Lapis was annoyed and Twilight was exhausted. They wordlessly decided to rest in Appleoosa. Everypony in town was willing to give a free stay to a princess and an alien, so Twilight hit the hay and Lapis pretended to sleep, which was about as relaxing.

***

"Wake up," Lapis said.

Twilight yawned. "Okay, I'm up." She jumped out of bed, and the two skipped town on the next train.

Lapis gasped. "Look at all the trees! This is exactly like flying on the ground!"

Twilight grinned. "Yes, it's pretty great if I do say so myself." She opened the window to feel the wind in her mane, and suddenly a puff of smoke flew into the train car. Lapis raised an eyebrow when it turned into a scroll.

"What's that?" she asked.

Twilight read the message quickly. "It says someone stole Ponyville!"

Chapter 6

"How can someone steal a whole town?" Lapis demanded.

Twilight frantically flipped the missive over. There was nothing written on the back. "It doesn't say!"

"Unless they were another Lapis Lazuli," the gem admitted quietly.

"That's ridiculous, I've been with you this whole time," the alicorn refuted.

"I'll go ahead and see," Lapis offered.

The conductor walked into the car. "Ponyville! Um...this is where Ponyville used to be! Get off here for...well..." he trailed off, then pointed out the window.

Where once Ponyville stood there was naught but a large crater. Between Sweet Apple Acres and the Everfree forest, the hole was deeper than light could reach. Lapis squinted, looking at the distant border between land and darkness. It was a smooth, curved line, much like the one around the barn. "I think a Lapis Lazuli did this," she sighed, "but why?"

"Maybe they wanted to kidnap me?" Twilight wondered.

Lapis shook her head, then stood up. "We should get off this train."

"But Laps," Twiggles staid, "There ain't no stopping this train we're on!

Bard waggled his eyebrows. "Yaes ter is!"

"Bwaaaugh," Twi.io onomatopoeiad, "whooooooo aaaaaaaaarre yooooooou?"

Bard guffawed. "Wheel, ahm naught exactly a flourite!"

"Wake up!"

"Gah!" Twilight lurched awake. Puzzled, she looked around the train station frantically. The train had gone without a trace, and for some reason the wood board floor abruptly and cleanly stopped next to the edge of the new Ponyville precipice. "Sorry, I truly don't know why I'm dozing off like that!"

"It's fine. Let's look for clues." Lapis walked towards the edge.

Twilight got up and followed her. "Sure thing! Where should we start?" Lapis pointed into the depths. Twilight gazed down and shivered. She took a deep breath and finally nodded. Together, they flew into the murky deep.

Chapter 7

The bottom of the hole was dark; even the glow of Twilight's horn couldn't provide more than a few yards of visibility. Lapis eyed the sloping, clean-cut ground. "I still think it was a Lapis Lazuli," she insisted, "this is exactly what I would do if I wanted to pick up a town."

"So there's more than one of you?"

"Exactly. I was made a long time ago, though. I didn't know era two Lapis Lazulis were this strong. It figures. Every new gem comes out with less power except mine..."

"What do you mean by comes out?" Twilight asked, setting off in a new direction on foot. Lapis followed.

"Comes out of the ground."

Her eyes widened. "Gems come from underground?"

"No, Gems come from space, take over planets, and inject the ground with seeds that grow into new gems."

She backed away. "But that makes them evil!"

"Not really. We just follow the Diamonds' orders." As Twilight continued to back further away from her, the darkness seemed to swallow up Lapis Lazuli. "Each gem is made for one purpose. Each gem is made for one Diamond. Each Diamond does her part to expand the empire. That's how it is. Steven thinks it's wrong. I might agree with him, but there's no way he can stop the Diamonds if they come back."

"Who is Steven?" Twilight asked, stopping.

"He's a half-gem back on Earth."

Twilight took one step back towards Lapis. "Is that another planet?"

"Yes."

"What's it like?"

"Pretty nice."

"Ponyville is...nice too," Twilight put forward. They continued to walk deeper into the pit. "Why would another Lapis Lazuli want to steal it?"

"There are many veins of Lapis Lazuli and Quartz below Ponyville," said a voice in the dark.

"Aaaah!" Twilight screamed.

Lapis leapt in front of her. "Who's there?"

"Hello. I'm Maude Pie. You aren't a pony."

"No, I'm a gem."

"Fascinating. A gem that can talk has never been discovered before today. Thanks."

"For what?"

Maude stepped into the light. "Earning me a place in the history books." She pulled a magnifying glass out of her saddle bag and used it to inspect Lapis' hand.

"Maude," Twilight said, "did you see what happened to Ponyville?"

The gray pony didn't look up. "It was taken."

"What about our friends?"

Maude froze. "I...don't know."

"Is she okay?" Lapis asked.

Twilight shook her head. "Her sister Pinkie lives in town, along with all my closest friends. Don't worry Maude, we'll save them!"

"I hope so. I'm really worried about this."

"Are you?" Lapis questioned.

"Of course she is!" Twilight interrupted. Maude nodded and inspected Lapis' gem. It was a teardrop flush with her upper back, set right above and behind where her heart would be. The gray pony exchanged her magnifying glass for jeweler's glasses.

"I need more light," she complained.

Lapis sighed. "Fine, I'll take you up to the surface."

"Weight!" Twiglit suddenlied. "We gots to kek whut-"
She paused she paused. "Amn I drahming?!"

"Yes you are," The Batman hummed, "preparing chunk nine one one two for transport."

why am i dreaming like this twilit thghout

Why ma I all alone

"You're're smrt," bats waffled, "fig it oot"

***

"I'm sorry. I don't like flying," Maude said, sitting firmly on the ground.

"You should have said that before we took off!" Lapis shouted.

"Sorry. I panicked."

"That really hurt!" Lapis said, cupping her left eye, "I hope the light was worth it!"

"Yes. This is sufficient," Maude smiled. She flipped a few lenses in front of her eye and focused on Lapis' gem again, regularly taking notes. Lapis squirmed.

"What are you doing back there?!"

"Fascinating."

"I'm still angry at you! Why don't you care?"

Maude stepped back in front of Lapis, frowning. "You aren't a naturally occurring gem. The Lapis Lazuli on your back has been altered from its normal state somehow."

"Of course it was! I-" she cut herself off and held her head in her hands. "I hate explaining stuff like this." Maude reached up to pat her shoulder.

"Then don't explain it. I am a geologist, it's my job to draw inferences from data."

"Halt! Who goes there?" a white pony in golden armor yelled. He and his fellow guards dashed over one of the green hills surrounding the Ponyville Crater, quickly surrounding Lapis and Maude.

"It's just me," Maude intoned levelly.

"Hold on! I don't know why it's gone either!" Lapis yelped, wings already forming behind her. The guard captain eyed the alien suspiciously.

"We'll have to bring you in for questioning," he uttered, nodding to two pegasi to signal a possible chase.

"Maude," Lapis whispered, "I'm warning you, we have to fly away. Quickly."

"Darn."

Chapter 8

Peridot facet 4C9O cut 6ËT glared at her screen. “Why are we still here?”

Lapis Lazuli facet 133 cut 2 rolled her eyes. “I already told you 3 times. Something felt...off.”

“You and your ‘feelings’ have already gotten me sent this far from homeworld!” Peridot 6ËT bellowed. She gestured at the cages full of ponies. “If we don’t get these organics to the laboratory, with the chunks, on time, we might as well shatter ourselves!”

“Would you stop and think for one second?” Lapis facet 133 cut 2 returned. She walked up to a cage with an an elderly lime green pony inside. “Who’s a good organic? You are! Yes you are! I bet mean old Peridot woke you from your nap. Let me help!” Granny Smith glared at her.

“You won’t get away with this!” She yowled. “Princess Twilight will stop you! Young’uns these days have no respect for their elders! Isn’t that right Applejack?”

Applejack paused in her efforts to buck open the cage of yellow light. “What about me?”

“She’s got ya there granny,” Applebloom laughed.

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh affirmed, also resting.

Lapis and Peridot gaped. Lapis closed Peridot’s green jaw for her. "I told you it felt off," she said smugly.

***

Transport preparation paused due to rule 58625942985705928386
Exception 73 occurred. All gems attack the source of the dissonance. "Gem's's?" Twiggles snarfed. Shhhe slllllowwwwwly stepped towards the smell of lavendnr. "Liek the elementals of harminmee???"" The Amazing Grorilla dash helpfully pointed her ehaded in the riashgt direction. Dissonance increasing. Comm cations sys s faling. rqs8888 nyyyyyyoooooooooooooo. "lel that s funn66yy" twi try to say. WHAT?

Twilight bolted to her feet. "Something's seriously weird about these dreams," she told herself. "Maude? Are you there? The surface!" She jumped into the air, soaring up to where the outskirts of Ponyville remained.

***

"ah," Maude screamed softly. Lapis easily out-flew the guards, but couldn't fly as fast as when she'd raced Twilight for fear of hurting her reluctant passenger.

"Where should we go?" she asked frantically.

"My home," Maude recommended before quietly screaming again. She pointed. Lapis flew where she bade, which looked to be the entrance to a cave of some sort.

"I see. You live in a cave because you study rocks."

"I don't study rocks at home. I just kick back and relax usually," Maude corrected. Lapis placed her on the ground. "Step into my parlor." The gem shrugged off the odd phrasing as she followed the geologist into the dark.

***

"I'm sure she would want to apologize," Twilight told Captain Speak Softly. "I know I'd feel just awful about wasting a guard pony's time, and I'm sure that Lapis feels the same!"

"Oh she can apologize alright!" the stallion boomed. "As soon as we throw her in the castle dungeons!"

"My castle's gone," Twilight informed him, raising an eyebrow. A few of the other guards chuckled. Speak Softly whipped his head around, and instantly all mirth vanished. Twilight cast a spell. "If you really want Lapis to apologize, I suggest you take a more diplomatic tone." The spell told her where the wayward gem had gone, and she started walking. The guards followed her, some seeming all too pleased to see their commanding officer taken down a peg.

***

"No thank you," Lapis uttered. Maude put one teacup back. She deliberately poured her tea so that the steam could waft across the table and tempt the gem with a lavender aroma. Then she sipped some of her own cup.

"Delicious."

"Fine, I'll try some," Lapis relented, getting up and grabbing the other tea cup. Maude smiled slightly and poured her a generous serving. They could never resist the wafting technique. Lapis took a tiny sip of the tea. As she sipped a bit more, Maude sat patiently in her chair. She watched the gem's face carefully.

She smiled a little bit more. "Would you like to hear some of my poetry?"

Lapis nodded. "I've never heard poetry before. Is it like singing?"

"It's a lot like that. This first poem is a bout rocks. They're all about rocks.

Two rocks were playing on the outskirts of the town

When suddenly water rose up out of the ground

The rocks tried to hide but they couldn't, they were rocks

Soon the both of them were found

A large red rock was about to separate them.

When the sister rock gave her an ultimatum

'If you leave me and my sister alive

I'll show you where all the other rocks hide.'

Insistent as her sister was that she should not assist

The very system she was trying to resist

She knew the hiding rocks would be found anyway

And decided they would miss the ship and hide in the abyss.

Let this be a warning, don't trust who you see.

Don't expect warm welcomes just because there's tea.

Rocks will do such awful things to save their families.

Beware the smell of lavender. It belies a sleeping poison.

I hope you liked my poem," Maude told the sleeping Lapis Lazuli, "I've never written something so personal before. Except maybe my poem about two rocks reuniting and taking part in the tradition of making rock candy." She lifted the sleeping gem with little apparent effort, and laid her down in a makeshift cell behind the waterfall.

***

"They're at Maude's place!" Twilight triumphantly trumpeted. The guards nodded their lead laden heads. It had been a long flight and subsequent walk into the caves. Even Speak Softly was starting to wonder if they wouldn't be better off returning to camp and coming back when everypony was well rested. He didn't suggest it, however.

"Should we break down the door?" Lieutenant Carry A. Big asked.

The princess shook her head. "Friends don't break down their friends' doors."

The lieutenant nodded. "Okay. Sergeant Head and Corporal Foot will organize a search into the other parts of the cave." The two named ponies nodded, and left with a couple underlings each.

The captain ran a hoof through his mane. "Now that it's settled, let's search this property." Twilight led them into Maude's home.

Maude looked up from her tea. "Oh, Twilight."

The alicorn hugged her friend. "Where's Lapis?"

The earth pony scratched her nose. "It's just terrible. She got so upset with me that she ran off."

Twilight hit the ground with her tail. "Darn! Where did she go?"

The gray pony pulled her face down with both hooves. "Deeper into the caves."

Just then, Corporal Foot burst into the room. "My search deeper into the caves found nopony!"

"Oh ponyfeathers."

Chapter 9

"Maybe she left the caves," Maude suggested.

Twilight nodded slowly. "She might have gone back to the Ponyville Crater. Speak Softly, why don't you and your guards set up camp near the train station? If Lapis got lost she would want to take the train back to Yakyakistan." The guard sighed heavily.

"Alright, you heard the princess, let's go." With that, he left with Head and Foot. Twilight cast a spell. Maude looked at the floor.

"Well she's definitely not behind that waterfall," the princess softly stated.

"What?" Maude asked.

The alicorn walked over to the cell. "It's okay Lapis, you can come out now," she called. The geologist raised an eyebrow as the waterfall turned into two hands, which bent open the bars of the cage. "Why is there a-" Twilight started to ask.

"Don't question it, it's Maude Pie."

"Fair enough," she shrugged.

Lapis stepped past the bent bars. "You could have told me to hide in there. I would have understood."

Maude glanced around lethargically. "It was force of habit after what happened with Pinkie Pie." She covered her mouth.

"Pinkie Pie?" Lapis asked.

"Pinkie Pie!" Twilight exclaimed. With a squeak and a rain of confetti, said pony shot out through the waterfall with two balloons in her hooves and one tied around her middle.

"Yes, yes, it is I, your beloved Pinkie Pie!" she grinned. "It's been a while since I was summoned by somepony saying my name three times!"

"Pinkie! You're okay!" Twilight exclaimed, rushing over to give her a hug.

"Of course I'm okay! Maude and I hid from the gems down here after I pretended to drink her sleeping poison and fall asleep!"

"Hey, Twilight?" Lapis said.

"Not now Lapis. Sleeping poison?" Twilight gave Pinkie a questioning look.

"Yeah, after she sold out all our friends in Ponyville we came down here and she offered me some tea but you know how little I like tea that isn't drugged, so I just pretended like I do with Celestia."

"Twilight, this is important," Lapis urged.

"What could be more important than learning that Maude is working with the enemy?!" Twilight screeched.

"She walked away," Lapis told her.

"After her!" the alicorn yelped. They rushed out of Maude's home. The cave outside had walls of dark gray stone with a matte texture, and the light of Twilight's horn reflected off them in tiny twinkles. Lapis sped ahead of the ponies. Twilight sped up to run parallel with Lapis. Pinkie, despite bouncing no faster than usual, led the way. They swept past the stone and into the autumn night.

"Where is she?" Lapis asked.

"I don't know," Twilight panted, "she's harder to track down than a unique alien like you."

"If only we had some other way of sensing things," Pinkie chimed in. Twilight's eyes widened.

"Pinkie!"

"What? Oh yeah!"

"You can sense Maude?" Lapis questioned, "How?"

"It's Pinkie Pie, don't question it," Twilight rattled off by rote.

"The thing is, Pinkie Sense doesn't usually tell me where somepony is," Pinkie said, "unless they're about to open a door or drop something or get to a surprise party early."

Lapis sighed, "That's-"

"It!" she interrupted. "We'll just plan a surprise party for Maude! That way, she won't be sad when she gets arrested!"

The gem stared. "Why would she come to a party? She knows we know she's working for the other gems."

"Maude never misses one of my parties," Pinkie promised. She didn't make a Pinkie Promise, you understand. Just a regular promise.

"But-"

Twilight held up a hoof. "If Pinkie says she'll be there, she'll be there. I'll go tell Speak Softly about the plan. Lapis, why don't you help plan the party?"

She sighed. "Fine."

"Hooray!" Pinkie said exuberantly, "I can't wait to throw the best 'Sorry You're Getting Arrested' party ever!"

"What could possibly go wrong?" Lapis asked. She was being rhetorical, so neither pony answered, resulting in something of an awkward silence as they waited for the chapter to end.

Chapter 10

Override pause due to exception 73. Continue preparations under rule set 4. Organics lack ability to abuse access to intelligence. "Organics?" the purpley won wondered, "That's what gems call ponies!" All the lig-heihts went oot. Rule set 4 not applicable. Eliminate source of continued dissonance. Princess Rainbow Dash's lover looked loopily 'round. "Is anyone there? Where have you taken my friends?" Just go away! Twiggles eyed eleven elven automatons ewe ewkn where eeyup etoo noh good. "I'll only go away if you put my town back where it belongs!" Then we are at an impasse, because I'll only put the town back if you go away! Dissonance decreasing. Launching simulated reality 'Four Diamond Pool Funtimes Yay.' What? No! Abort! Abort!

Peridot was seething as she gripped the edge of a pool built for gems much larger than her. Twilight popped up through the surface, eyes wide and confused. "I hope you're happy," the gem growled, "you put just enough dissonance into the central computer to trip this old fallback program."

Twilight trod water and stared at her. "Why is the fallback for 'dissonance' this place?"

The gem sighed heavily. "I don't know. It was designed long before my time, and I don't care to find the changelogs."

"I see..." she said. She swam around the pool for a while, diving under the surface but never running out of breath, circling the pink markings at the bottom. Twilight floated up slowly through the azure water. When she broke the surface again, she looked at Peridot. "Do we need to put more harmony into the system to get out of here?"

"What would an organic know about harmony?" the gem pondered.

"I know it creates some of the most powerful magic on my planet."

Peridot raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"The Elements of Harmony helped us defeat villains and reform wayward souls all the time! They were powered by nothing more than honest friendships between ponies."

"Your magic won't get us out of here if we need more ponies to make it work."

"We could be friends." At this, Peridot lost her grip on the edge. She flailed in the water and sank like-there's no getting around it-a rock. Her feet touched the bottom, and she stood there on the pink markings for some time.

"How could I possibly be friends with a lower life form? They're much too stupid to even hold a conversation with, much less share details of my past with!"

"Don't call me a lower life form just because we don't get along," Twilight said, clear as a bell.

"I...I'm sorry," the gem replied, "it's just, I've never considered being friends with any non-gem organism. I've never been to my diamond's zoo. I don't have any experience with such creatures, nor do I understand what my diamond sees in them. She sent me so far away with only a Lapis Lazuli to talk to. Don't get me wrong, Lapis facet 133 is great at her job. Our whole crew is competent, but...I was so lonely, I almost started talking to the Rubies!"

"Why didn't you?"

"I had to have discipline! Nobody else would! None of them are used to long trips like I am. Normally when gems want to take a new planet, it takes less than a day to get there. This time, it took a whole week! It didn't help that our destination parameters were preset, either. Imagine not knowing when you're going to arrive because the ship is stopping randomly to scan planets!"

"What made it choose Equus? Why is not talking to Rubies considered discipline?"

"The planet is rich in mineral and organic resources, which makes it ideal for a prospective colony. Other than that, only the diamonds know."

"And the Rubies?"

"Rubies aren't for talking to!" Peridot proclaimed. "They're for fighting the rabble! Establishing a perimeter! Stuff like that. I don't really know all the details."

"Sounds like a pretty short-sighted way to avoid making friends to me. Talking isn't anypony's sole purpose, but everypony needs to do it sometimes. Otherwise they'll be lonely."

"You clearly know nothing of gem kind. We all are born knowing what our role is and how to perform it. You might get bored of doing the same thing after a couple centuries, but there's nothing anyone save the Diamonds can do. Even Blue and Yellow defer to White Diamond. I have to make the best of the duties a Peridot must undertake."

"Even if you don't wanna be my friend, will you promise to talk to the Rubies when we get out of here?" Peridot thought for a moment. She could request a report on their progress, which would technically be talking to them. She was embarrassed to admit she didn't know the facets or cuts for any but the squadron leader, Ruby facet 1 cut 3392519. There was nothing stopping her from simply doing the bare minimum, but she found herself enjoying the fantasy of the Ruby engaging in genuine conversation, beyond the confines of a simple report.

"Yes, I promise I will talk to at least one Ruby as soon as the system lets us go," Peridot said finally. Twilight dove and held out her hoof. The gem shook it. Harmony increased. Ending simulation.

***

"Is this good?" Lapis said.

"Higher! Higher!" Pinkie stipulated, "It has to be so high you could see it from way up where the gems are!" Lapis flew higher with the banner Pinkie had produced promptly. She didn't remember the last time knowing different written dialects of gemglyph had been useful, but it had helped her to check for spelling mistakes. She wasn't sure how Pinkie did it, but she'd nailed even the intricacies of sapphire glyph. Each line of text was color-coded, and at the bottom was the written language of Equestria in a festive shade of pink. Lapis wanted to meet another Sapphire. It wouldn't be the same as talking to the fusion back home. Still, some Future Vision could come in handy. Maybe Homeworld no longer included the ability in Era 2 Sapphires. Presumably the Diamonds' underlings figured out the nitty-gritty of taking the empire's limited resources and making new gems. That said, any information on how precisely resources related to abilities was classified, at least to any Gem without a need to know. She'd just been a visitor to Earth, originally. Her old cohort was lightyears away, terraforming the next solar system of promising colony candidates..."That's too high!" Pinkie shouted.

"Sorry!" Lapis called down. She attached the banner to the flagpole. Lapis lazily circled down to the ground and retracted her wings into her gem. She watched Pinkie affix the other side to a conveniently located tree.

"Told ya I could do it!" the party planner professed.

"I shouldn't have doubted you, I guess." She looked around. The Ponyville School's playground was festooned with gray and purple streamers that matched Maud magnificently. A few picnic tables had been arranged into a grid and covered with teal tablecloths. "This really came together."

Pinkie grinned. "Now all that's left is delivering the invitations!"

"The whole point of this is to find Maud."

"Not her invitation, silly," Pinkie giggled, pulling a stack of envelopes out of her mane. "Everypony else's! It wouldn't be much of a party without guests!"

Lapis grabbed half the pile. "How do I tell who is who? I only just started learning the differences between humans, let alone ponies and-"she held an envelope closer to her face-"chaos lords. Who's Discord?"

"Discord, Discord!" the party pony called. In a flash, Discord appeared at one of the tables.

"You!" Lapis yelled. Pinkie took the invitation from her and handed it to him. "What are you doing here?!"

Discord donned a fine suit and monocle. "I say, Pinkie, why is there riffraff at this fine gathering?"

Pinkie glanced between them rapidly. "I'm sorry! There's just this giant hole where everypony's homes used to be, so I had to invite some guards and Discord to the party instead. They're the only ones I could count on to show up! Gotta make the cake and deliver the rest of these, see ya!" She yanked the other invitations from Lapis and sped off towards the train station.

Lapis advanced on the table. "Why can't you just send me back now?"

Discord banished the monocle and suit in favor of a black turtleneck. "I want to put a ding in the universe," he said deliberately. "Mostly though, I just want you to help me help you!"

"I don't want your help! I have enough to deal with already, and I don't need you warping into the vacuum of space on some mission of mercy!" Lapis exclaimed. Discord raised his eyebrows above his head and twirled them into a halo.

"I had nothing but the best of intentions! You act like you're not hurting, like you're so above everybody else, and you don't need anyone to help you process what happened to you." He rolled his eyes, which turned into dice with pictures of Lapis crying on them. "I did what any friend would do."

The gem paused. "We just met." She stared as Discord grinned at her. The smile ran away from his face. "Why do you think we're friends?"

"It's no fun going through life thinking every creature you meet is your enemy," he said as the smile returned, "so I choose to believe that they're all my friends!"

Lapis rolled her eyes. They stayed in her head. "That's silly. What if they turn out to be enemies?"

"Then I know they're not against me because of anything I did to them! It's certainly easier to talk someone out of firing their laser at you when you've been friendly the whole time."

“That makes a surprising amount of sense,” Lapis replied deliberately.

“Oh Lapis Lazuli, how you wound me,” Discord clutched his chest as an arrow flew out of it, “I despise making sense! Just for that, I’m going to tell Pinkie your favorite food is blue cheese before she comes back.” He disappeared in a flash.

“I don’t know what that tastes like,” she called out, “and I don’t usually eat.” Lapis sat down at the table. She hadn’t been to a party before Steven’s father’s cousin visited. It had been nice to talk with the other gems and help them gather supplies. Hopefully Maud wouldn’t fly off the handle like Uncle Andy had. She seemed far more subdued and down-to-earth. Apart from when she was high above the earth, Lapis thought. Then she flailed.

“Soooo, who’s coming to this party?” Pinkie asked. “Anypony I know?”

Lapis stared at her. “You made the invitations. I don’t eat blue cheese!”

“I never said you did."

“Good.”

A light breeze blew through the trees. Captain Speak Softly emerged from them, followed by two of his fellow guards. “Hello!” He said jovially.

“You’re the pony who chased me.” Lapis said.

“You’re the gem who helped a fugitive evade justice.” The captain glanced at Pinkie. “But we’re putting that aside so the trap will work.” The party planner smiled at him. "I mean, so Maud will enjoy her party." She smiled more. He sat at one of the tables. Lieutenant Carry and Sergeant Head took seats next to their leader.

“It’s a surprise party…outdoors,” Carry commented. “How will that work?” Lapis shrugged.

“Everypony can help!” Pinkie suggested. “We just need to make a fake rock to hide behind.”

“Maud’s a geologist,” Lapis said flatly.

“A fake tree, that’s what we need!” Sergeant Head proclaimed.

“Do you know how to make one?” Speak Softly said.

“Of course! I teach new recruits how to make them every year. I just need tools and materials.”

Pinkie pulled a hammer out of her mane. “Let’s get to work!” Her ears flapped, her eyes fluttered, and her tail twitched twice. "Maud's almost here!"

***

Twilight awoke to find herself passed out on the road to the Ponyville School. “They left me,” she said, indignant. She hoped Peridot would keep the promise. It was only a dream, but the gem had seemed so real. She hadn’t acted at all like Twilight expected.

“Are you coming along?” Maud asked.

“Maud!” Twilight bolted to her feet. “Yes, let’s go to the school house together.” They walked together in silence. It was the time of night when normal ponies would be asleep in bed and Twilight would be studying. The stars were arranged in odd clumps in the sky, scattered without any discernible pattern. There appeared to be a number of letters from Old Equish and some pictographs of mythical creatures like humans. There was also what looked to be a squirrel with too many legs. "Luna's definitely doing something...different tonight."

"Huh?"

"Just look at the stars!"

"They still look like stars."

"I just mean...the constellations are different than usual."

"Luna sucks."

"What?" Maud pointed. Sure enough, the phrase was plainly spelled out in the sky. "Discord!" As they watched, the stars began to slowly move out of their formations. Twilight tripped on a twig.

"My goodness! You need to watch where you step, Princess. Why here I was, just minding my own business, not a care in the world, when all of a sudden I'm being assaulted by the local royalty!" Discord said. The twig transfigured to his full-size form.

"Hello."

"Good evening Maud! The trees are lovely tonight, aren't they?" A muffled groan came from a tree whose most distinctive feature was a set of nails protruding from its front.

"I guess."

Everypony jumped out from behind the hastily assembled wood tree. "Surprise!"

"You're under arre-" Captain Speak Softly suddenly found himself mildly mumbling around a muffin.

"I didn't come all this way to not have a party, silly! Wait until later!" Pinkie said. The captain nodded slowly, finding it hard to split his focus. How had she known that banana chocolate chip was his favorite? The sisters hugged. "I'm so glad you made it to this party, Maud! We're going to have oodles of fun!"

“Sure.” The gray pony smiled slightly.

"Alright, let's play pin the tail on the pony!"