Broken, But Getting Better
I stared at the paper, a pencil in my mouth as I considered the next words. I was not the most well read of ponies, having always taken the stance that actions speak louder, but I felt that this time needed some words to explain. I scanned what I had already written to try and jog my vocabulary.
Princess Twilight,
By the time you read this, I’ll have left. I know you offered me your friendship, but I think it would do me well to be apart from other ponies for a few days…give or take a week.
This is not running away, no. Far from it. I have been away from my kind for so long I fear I have forgotten what it means to even be Equestrian. I need time to observe with no metric standing against me.
I sighed and glanced out the window at the town of Ponyville, the town square filled with banners and other evidence of an upcoming party. In the glass of the portal, I saw the snapped stub of my horn, and I felt the dull pain that I had lived with for most of my life.
I reached up and touched it, feeling the jagged edges that had never smoothed over. I never understood why my horn never regrew or healed over. I remember my mother getting hers filed from time to time to keep it in style, so there had to be some sort of growth to it.
Or maybe my hopes and wishes had just colored my memories. That seemed to be more likely these days.
I turned back to the paper.
I’m fairly certain I’ll be back, and soon. It’s time I take a page from my own book and learn to open up my eyes. See the world for what it’s worth.
I paused. I don’t know why I had started to sing on the ship as I ferried the captured Alicorn back to Canterlot to finish the ritual to power the staff. I hadn’t sang in years, yet the words and music poured out as though part of me.
I should finish this before I get too soft. I’ll be seeing you, Twilight.
Commander Tempest
Fizzlepop Berrytwist
Tempest
I put the pencil down and picked up the note, turning as I did to go deposit it on my bed. I smirked as I realized it was made military tight. I could probably bounce a bit off it if I had one handy. I set the note down and turned…
To lock eyes with a certain Princess.
“Leaving?” she asked softly.
I ducked my head guiltily.
“You don’t have to, you know,” she continued. The note lifted up in her aura and drifted over to her, where she skimmed it quickly.
Even such a casual use of magic made me wince internally. Sure, I could still do a nice bit of fireworks, but anything else was hit or miss, and usually flammable.
“I need to go, Princess,” I said. “Everywhere I look, I can see damage that I caused in a stupid vendetta to get back something I lost years ago.” I turned away so the tear wouldn’t be seen. “I can’t look at it right now.”
Feathery sensations tickled my shoulders as she slid a wing over my withers. I peeked out of the corner of my eye to see her smiling softly.
“It’s hard for me as well,” she said, the same tone she had used at the festival. “It reminds me of how far I fell while trying to save Equestria this time. I was willing to do anything, and the ends justified any means.” She looked at her hooves for a moment. “I almost caused a horrible rift between us and the hippogriffs, just because I had my friends do what we do best as a distraction!”
I pulled away. “One moment of weakness doesn’t make you bad,” I said. “It’s a game of inches, where slowly you strip away parts you once held dear in an effort to stop caring. It’s the lack of feeling, of empathy that makes you evil.” My voice dropped to a whisper as a tear slipped free. “Made me evil.”
She turned face to face with me, smiling despite the hurt in her eyes from the memories. “You weren’t evil,” she said. “Just desperate. You wanted something so badly you were blinded by your pain into believing someone could restore it.”
“Which was a lie,” I snarled. I felt my horn spark as the anger I felt at being fooled flared up again. I forced calm onto myself again, and that’s when I realized that Twilight was humming something, something familiar in tune.
I know you, you’re a special one,
Some see crazy where I see love…
I stared as the words drifted into my head. “That’s…”
“Songbird Serenades opening number from the festival,” she confirmed. “I asked her about it after the show. It turns out that she wrote it about the two of us.”
I blinked. “Us?”
“When you paraded me into Canterlot, she saw us pass by,” the Alicorn said. “She said that even in victory, she saw a sadness in your eyes, hidden away behind anger. She saw the same in my eyes, only behind regret.”
She slid a wing over my shoulder again, speaking softly. “We’re two sides of an ideal, Tempest,” she said. “Two sides that went with different paths. You spent your life believing that your loss meant it was better to not risk it again. I came here and found what I was missing was something I once called a frivolous waste of time.” She smirked. “I remember my first night here bemoaning that the ponies of this town are crazy.”
I smiled at that. “The pink one certainly is,” I mentioned.
“Pinkie is a special case,” she nodded. “We don’t ask questions and the world stays in one piece. Usually.”
“Does she have an off button?” I asked. “Because I had to pretend to need the washroom to get away from her babbling about, what was it, a cherrychanga?”
She tried to unsuccessfully suppress a giggle. “She’s still going on about those? It’s been ages!”
I chuckled a little myself, and my eyes fell on my packed bag. I didn’t have a lot of belongings, so packing was a swift matter. I saw Twilight turn her head as well.
“You don’t have to leave,” she reiterated.
“I know,” I replied. “But here’s the difference between us, Twilight; You see the world how it could be even when confronted with how it is. What you don’t see is the giant, gaping chasm that lies between, something that I can’t ignore. It’ll take some time for me to fix that point of view. I’m an old, jaded mare that’s still a blank flank after all these years.”
“I know a couple of ponies that could help with that,” the princess said with a smile.
“Maybe when I get back,” I hedged. I went to lift my bag but found it hovering in a lavender glow.
“Safe travels, then,” Twilight said as I gave the girth strap a slight tug to fix it in place. “And if I can suggest something?”
I raised an eyebrow. “Can I stop you?”
She smiled, a twinkle in her eyes. “Try to avoid using your horn if you can, even subconsciously,” she said. “I found a reference about horn morphology, and the uncontrolled mana you channel is keeping your horn from beginning to heal. It’s like not setting a bone after it’s broken - it doesn’t heal properly.”
I blinked. “Then…”
She smiled, then walked over to me, hugged me, and whispered in my ear before pulling back.
“When you get back,” she said. “Let’s see what you can do with it.”
Even though she couldn’t see it, I knew my cheeks turned red for a moment.
I nodded and we started towards the doors to her castle. The silence let me think over everything, a conclusion appearing in my mind as we stood on the stoop.
“I think I’ll just head to my old village,” I said. “See what became of my friends, my family. Apologize if I have to. I know I’m broken, but I’m getting better.”
I started to walk down the stairs and turned to wave and saw her stand straight and tall, wings spread slightly.
“Take your time, Tempest Shadow,” she said in a regal voice. “But don’t be long in returning. Your friends will be waiting for you.”
I smirked.
“As you wish, Your Majesty,” I said, knowing an order when one was given.
