The full moon was brilliant as it rose, bathing the room within through the open window. Highlighting a balcony that came out from deep purple velvet curtains, the light made them seem more like indigo, which was perfect. They were chosen for that very moment as the glimmering stones twinkled like stars in the night sky, and a soft breeze caused them to flutter a little. Within the room was a large circular bed, covered in indigo and midnight blue blankets with black pillows. On the bed itself was an alicorn, with a coat of deep periwinkle and a mane and tail of softest, barest baby blue that seemed closer to a pale cornflower. A splash of oxford on her flanks served as the backdrop for a white crescent cutie mark, and as the moon filled the room with gentle light, eyes the color of bluebells opened. Luna had been dozing quietly when the celestial body had greeted her, and she lifted her head to look out at it.
Her heart was heavy as she regarded the peaceful night, her mind full of memories. A laugh, a cry, a shout, fun games and friendly cuddling swam across her vision, and Luna choked back a sob. “Why? Why did you leave me?” she asked the room, her voice full of sorrow. “We were friends… it’s not fair.” A sob escaped the mare, and she broke down crying. Pain welled deep within her as she walked down memory lane, remembering moments that seemed pointless at the time, but were more precious than diamonds to her now. Little things that hadn’t seemed like a big deal stood out as monumental to her, and as she remembered she realized the signs had been there all along.
A laugh that seemed a touched forced out, a smile that barely lingered and a sense of sadness within. Eyes that held too many secrets that never saw the light of day, trembling limbs that were at times afraid to hug her back. Luna squeezed her eyes shut, desperate to relive every second that was now gone. Her wings folded around her body, almost as though she was trying to embrace herself. She’d always thought that when it was just the two of them it was the best of times, but the reality was no one else ever hung out with them. She’d pushed for adventures and silliness, playing pranks on the other ponies and generally being a wild child instead of admitting the truth.
It had been like that for years, Luna dragging her friend out to play for hours until it was time to go home. She’d even shared her first kiss with them, and she had felt that it was a magical moment under the full moon high in the sky amongst a sea of stars. She’d held that precious memory close to her ever since, and a part of her had always hoped that one day they would get married and start their own family together.
Instead she had gone to their house like always, only they weren’t there. And they were never coming back. Luna hadn’t understood then, asking over and over where her friend was and why they couldn’t come out and play all night. She’d been too young really, but looking back across a sea of time, she knew. The sadness had gotten to be too much, so they went to the land of rainbows. There was no pain there, no faking it for the sake of decency and breaking down in front of a best friend. Now there would only at last be peace, but a pony had been left behind.
“I loved you.. And you loved me. Wasn’t it enough?” she asked the silence at length, knowing there wouldn’t be an answer. There never would be, but the only balm she had for her soul was to ask out loud, because bottling it up hurt too much and only ever brought her more pain. Looking over at her bookcase Luna sniffled, spying the framed photos that showcased happy fillies and colts over a period of years; some were more serious, and some seemed to have been snapped at a moment of hilarity where Luna’s head was thrown back in laughter, and the colt merely smiled at her.
The biggest photo was of two ponies sitting on a hilltop gazing up at the stars, leaning into each other in a way that said there was a comfortable intimacy that may bloom into something else. Luna smiled through her tears at that one, that had been the night of her first kiss and somehow had managed to take a photo right before it had happened. It was also when she had professed her love for the colt, blushing fiercely because she’d never admitted it before. He’d murmured similar feelings and held her close, and she had loved their time together. She’d thought it would be the beginning of forever, but it was only the beginning of the end.
As Luna stretched out a leg she bumped her tiara, and as it scooted across the bedspread she was reminded of the last time she had seen him. He’d been quieter than usual that night, and though Luna had asked him many times, he’d reassured her that he still loved her and would for a very long time. He had hoped she would always remember him, and she chided him and reminded him that she would never forget, he was the only colt for her and no matter what happened he would be her first and only love.
She hadn’t known.
Luna looked back up at the moon, feeling the soft pressure of the hidden item at her throat as she moved. Reaching up she touched a hoof to it gently, a small smile playing on her face. It was the small crescent moon with a star inside it that he had given to her as a gift, and she never took it off. Especially not tonight, when the moon looked like it did all those years ago when young love was just blossoming with innocence. When she’d still been a carefree filly that wasn’t haunted by nightmares and loneliness from her solitary lifestyle. When she’d still been whole.
“I miss you,” she said to the moon, a fresh tear sliding down her cheek. “Every day.”
‘Do you miss me?’ she thought, admiring the beautifully adorned sky.
‘Do you ever wonder about me from the rainbow land?’
‘Will I see you again when my time comes?’
‘Will you remember me as I have remembered you?’
‘Will you still love me as I have always loved you?’
‘Will we be together again?’
None of these questions had answers, but Princess Luna was slowly filled with a sense of peace as her tears subsided. She wondered if it was a visitor from the other realm calming her fears, but it may just as well be that she was merely accepting her fate. With no intention of seeing anyone else romantically she had lived a life alone, content with being the spinster mare while her friends and family had children, and their children had children. Silently she made a pact with herself, that when her time was at an end she would seek them out, regain the happiness she had lost and truly begin to live. That was something she could live with.
Laying down to go to sleep, Luna felt her powerful heart beating in her chest, and for once it didn’t fill her with a deep depression because it hadn’t stopped. Instead it brought a smile as it meant she had more to do before she joined him, more memories to make and stories to tell when she finally got the chance. And she was okay with that.
Author's Note
this was written to/inspired by "One More Light" by Linkin Park.
RIP Chester.
