The Monolith

by naturalbornderpy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Science Fiction, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 2316

It was a bright and sunny day until it suddenly appeared over Ponyville. What does it want? To learn? To destroy? And perhaps most importantly... what the heck is it even trying to say?

It was a bright and sunny day until it suddenly appeared over Ponyville.

What does it want? To learn? To explore? To destroy?

And perhaps most importantly...

...what the heck is it even trying to say?

Published 2017-12-08 01:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-08 01:20:07 UTC

what up

The day started out like any other. Bright, sunny, cheerful.

Princess Celestia was trotting along the bustling streets of Ponyville with her sister next to her. Only moments ago had Luna’s stomach rumbled something fierce, meaning lunch was imminent. But which nearby restaurant to pick from? Pasta? Tacos? Burgers with hayfries?

Then Celestia’s ears perked up as her right eyelid twitched.

Someone was blocking her beautiful golden rays of sun. A whole lot of rays, in fact.

Something was blocking it, to be more precise.

Both Princesses turned and glanced upward. High in the air floated a mysterious, smooth object—shaped like a jet-black, gleaming diamond some twenty-feet-tall and three-feet-wide. It hung there without moving… without making a single sound… until Princess Luna flew up to it and roughly kicked it at its base.

“Stop blocking my sister’s toasty warm sun!” Luna demanded, her solid kick leaving not even a single scuff mark upon it.

Down below, Celestia could only close her eyes and shake her head from side to side. Until a large, earthshattering crunch made her reopen her eyes. Onto the very street she stood, the black monolith had fallen and impaled itself. A second later, a two-foot-wide screen appeared baring a message to her; a rather short one.

Two words only.

Celestia gulped dryly, facing the group of guards that always remained near at hoof to the Princesses.

“Get me my language expert at once!” Celestia barked.

The closest guard didn’t budge. “We have a language expert?”

Celestia sighed. “Twilight. Obviously, I mean Twilight.”

***

Twilight Sparkle studied the flat screen on the monolith, staring at it from different directions as if that would help somehow. She glanced at her assorted propped open language books, then abruptly slammed them all shut. It was clear they were dealing with something far more complex here. The alien message was kept short and vague.

“what up” was all it said.

No uppercase letters. No periods. No question marks.

Was this all on purpose? To confuse? To distract? To lull into complacency?

“I do not understand,” Luna admitted, standing next to her sister behind Twilight. “Just what does this thing want?”

“Think it’s a riddle of some kind?” Celestia said. “A test?”

She hurriedly glanced around the three of them. Before Twilight arrived, she’d had her guards make a perimeter around the object to keep anxious ponies at bay. That still didn’t stop a very wide crown from forming; twenty-foot-tall black ominous monoliths tended to do that sort of thing.

Twilight raised a brow. “If it’s a question, then why wouldn’t they add a question mark?”

“What happens if we respond incorrectly?” Luna asked. “If they see us as inferior, does that mean they shall attack us posthaste?”

Celestia patted Luna on the shoulder. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. They have only written one message to us thus far. Let’s take this one step at a time. Twilight? How do you suggest we proceed?”

“Communicate back, of course,” Twilight said, tapping her chin in thought. “But how do we do that, exactly? And what do we say?”

The three alicorns jolted as a row of equal-sized squares appeared below the monolith’s small screen. It contained every letter in the alphabet as well as a long, blank bar at the bottom.

“Fascinating,” Twilight exhaled, standing over the ‘keyboard’. “Like a typewriter… but far, far more advanced!” Then her excitement faded as she searched for a proper response to type out.

What is up? she thought to herself. Well, it’s kind of obvious. Isn’t it?

Using the aura from her horn, she wrote: “The sky.”

The message vanished. All ponies in town collectively held their breath.

Then collectively shrieked when the following message appeared:

“lol”.

“What sort of bizarre language is this, Twilight?” Luna asked. “I do not understand. Could it be an ancient language of some kind?”

Twilight frowned. “Maybe it’s a code. Like when someone says ASAP, they actually mean ‘as soon as possible’.”

Clearly spooked, Luna hugged her sister close. “So… loss of limb? Loss of life?”

“It means laugh out loud!” yelled a high-pitched, yet familiar voice from the crowd. “Jeeze! Come on!”

The three alicorns chose to ignore the random outburst as another message popped up on the screen.

“how r u”.

Twilight bit her lower lip. “More and more I’m starting to question the intelligence of this particular unidentified species.”

“How ‘r’ and ‘u’?” Princess Luna read from the screen. “Are they asking us how we are taking care of those particular letters? Twilight, report back that the letters are safe and doing well. Lie. Do whatever it takes to keep Equestria safe.”

“No,” Celestia cut in softly. “I believe I understand what is happening here.”

“That were dealing with a bunch of complete—” idiots, Twilight was about to finish, before Celestia finished for her.

“Geniuses!” Celestia said. “Here we’ve spent so long using three whole letters to create a single word, while they—whoever they are—have figured out a way to do the same in one-third the time.” She took a quick moment to view the monolith in full, seeming to appreciate it all over again. “That must be why they’re so technologically advanced compared to us—all that extra time not finishing words! Lightyears ahead of their time, I tell you.”

Another message on the screen appeared.

“u type slow”, followed by a cartoon picture of a pony with its tongue sticking out.

“jk”.

Luna took in a shaking breath after reading. “So, that is it, then? Have we failed their test? We must have responded too slow. Now they have orders to ‘just kill’ every last one of us.” She abruptly faced her sister. “Tia. It has been a pleasure to rule by your side.” Then she faced Twilight soon afterwards. “Twilight. You never did reply to my potluck invitation. That wounded me deeply. You were to be in charge of napkins. A sacred honor.”

“That can’t be what ‘jk’ actually means, can it?” Twilight questioned, a tad nervously despite herself.

“It means ‘just kidding’! Are you guys even trying anymore!”

The same voice from the crowd. Only closer now.

And before any of the mares could question who’d just shouted at them, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo shoved their way through the crowd to stand in front of them.

Apple Bloom furrowed her brows. “Do you three really not know what ‘lol’ or ‘jk’ means?”

The alicorns pondered for a moment, before collectively shaking their heads.

“Move over and let us have a try,” Apple Bloom said, darting towards the monolith’s keyboard. “Sweetie Belle? Want to try your horn on this thing?”

“I’ll try,” she replied, standing on both Scootaloo’s and Apple Bloom’s backs in order to reach the keyboard and screen.

While she began typing away, Twilight asked Celestia and Luna, “So, if the three of them understand what it’s saying… have we been talking to a kid this whole time?”

“Yep!” chirped Sweetie Belle as another message appeared. “It’s a she, actually. Her name’s Holly.”

“Oh,” Celestia mused. “That seems to be a normal enough name.”

“Holly Elizabeth Robertson,” Sweetie Belle clarified.

The surrounding crowd murmured to itself hotly.

“What a ridiculous name! How can anypony even remember all that nonsense?” asked Mashed Potato McFartypants near the back of the crowd, brandishing his trademark walking stick and monocle.

“Is it—I mean, is she—also a pony? Wherever she’s from?” Twilight asked curiously.

Sweetie Belle typed again. Another message popped up.

“Uh-huh,” she answered. “They’re all ponies. She’s just from an alternate form of Equestria. Kind of like the opposite of ours. She goes on to say it’s winter most of the time over there besides one week a year they call Summer Surprise.”

“Sounds absolutely dreadful,” Rarity added, shuffling out from the crowd. “Winter all year round? I’m getting chills just imagining it.”

Beside Rarity stood Applejack. Clearly on the lookout for both of their younger sisters.

From their sudden appearance, it seemed that Celestia had had enough of ponies just wandering in. She whirled on her guards. “I thought I told you to erect perimeters to keep ponies at bay!”

The guards jolted at that. “W-we did, your H-highness! Promise!”

“We just walked under it,” Scootaloo said.

Applejack shrugged. “We just ducked a tad. No big deal, really.”

Now Luna turned to the guards. “You hear that, guards? Your erections were too tall! Work on that!”

“rolf” typed back Holly Elizabeth Robertson on her personal monolith.

“I think I know what this one means!” Luna declared. “Revenge of Lizard Folk! So, it’s been a ruse all along! I knew it was a mistake letting Discord act as Equestria’s lizard folk ambassador. You know he gave them all skin cream as a welcome present once?”

All three Cutie Mark Crusaders rolled their eyes. “It means ‘rolling on floor laughing’, Princess Luna,” Scootaloo told her.

Luna’s upper lip curled in distain. “What a horrible place to laugh; all dirty and possibly coated with crumbs. What is so bad about standing up straight and keeping one’s shoulders square while partaking in vocal frivolity?”

The three crusaders laughed at something new on the screen.

“Was it something I said?” Luna questioned.

“Nah,” Sweetie Belle answered. “Holly was just saying how parents can be the worst sometimes.”

“Hey!” Applejack yelled. “Just wait a minute there! That’s not true! Not in the slightest!” Then she stopped herself. “Wait. Why am I getting so annoyed by that?”

Thankfully, Big Mac was near the front of the gathered crowd.

“Hey, Big Mac!” Applejack called to him. “Are we basically Apple Bloom’s parents now?”

Big Mac merely nodded. “Eeyup.”

“Darn it! Now I am slightly annoyed by that comment!”

Another laugh from the Crusaders.

“Now what?” Applejack asked sharply. “Making fun of older siblings now?”

Sweetie Belle turned away from the screen. “Holly said she borrowed her dad’s Communication Station while he went to the store. She says he was able to afford one of the smaller models when they went on sale last year.”

Twilight grimaced in the shadow of the monolith. “They get bigger than that?”

“And now she’s asking if we want to come over to play for a bit,” Sweetie Belle said, reading off the screen again. “I guess there’s not a lot of foals where Holly lives. She’s also an only child.”

“Ask if she has a Cutie Mark yet!” Apple Bloom inquired.

“Nope,” Sweetie Belle said. “And they’re actually called Talent Tattoos over there.”

“Looks like the Cutie Mark Crusaders are on the case!” Apple Bloom yelled triumphantly.

“Wait just a minute, you three!” Rarity interjected. “Just what makes you think we’d let you all fly away to some alternate universe we know next to nothing about? We know it’s winter all year long there. What else could they be hiding from us? Hmm? They only have one color choice and it’s eggshell white?”

Still standing atop her friends, Sweetie Belle typed out another message. “They definitely have color there. Only they spell color with an extra ‘u’ for some strange reason.”

“Absolutely barbaric,” Luna muttered out between gritted teeth.

Rarity turned to Applejack, hopeful to get some backup. “Applejack? You can’t possibly think this is a good idea.”

Applejack readjusted her hat. “You get all your chores done today, Apple Bloom?”

“Yeah,” she replied earnestly.

Applejack shrugged. “Passes all my tests. Mind your manners over there now, Apple Bloom. Wipe your hooves at the door and all that. If they have doors over there.”

Visibly agitated, Rarity held a single hoof above her head. “I can’t believe what I am hearing! Has everypony in town gone mad? Twilight? Darling? Please, speak some sense into these ponies.”

Twilight hesitated before speaking. “Well, if it’ll make you feel any better, Rarity. I’m thinking of going with them, too. What better way to understand future technology than by researching it up close, right? I’ll stay there a single day, tops. Or longer… depending on local bed-and-breakfast rates.”

She turned to Sweetie Belle.

“Do they accept bits over there, by chance?”

Sweetie Belle typed up another storm. “No. They use a type of colorful paper money. But they have ponies there that’ll exchange bits for them.”

Twilight smiled back at Rarity. “See? Learning something new already!”

Rarity was about to speak again when Sweetie Belle leapt off her friends and ran to her. “Why don’t you come too, Rarity? I know how much you love wearing boots and scarves and all that junk before Winter Wrap Up. What better place to wear all that than in a place that’s always winter?”

Two words caught like a hook in Rarity’s head. Always winter?

“I could open up another store there,” Rarity said, more to herself than to anyone. “A winter only store! Rarity’s Winter Wonderland Boutique! Could you even imagine the sales? I know! I’ll buy an espresso machine to leave near the door! So, when ponies enter all cold from the snow, they have themselves a nice cup to warm themselves up… and then boom! Espresso is for paying customers only! Ha-ha-ha!”

Sweetie Belle could only wince at her sister’s current greed. “That’s the… spirit?”

***

And so, without further delay, the Crusaders alongside Twilight Sparkle and Rarity boarded the monolith and soon disappeared into the vast beyond, leaving Princess Celestia and Luna basically back where they’d began.

“Tacos for lunch?” Celestia asked.

“It is Tuesday, after all,” Luna agreed with a nod.

They both paused before heading towards the restaurant.

Celestia broke the awkward silence. “We probably should’ve checked if Holly’s planet had oxygen like ours.”

“Food for thought,” Luna added. “And speaking of food…”

And off they went to enjoy lunch.

Finally.

Author's Note

I haven't seen the MLP Movie yet. Any good? Seems everyone's freaking out for that broken horn chick around here lately. :trixieshiftright: