Showtime Bits

by ArdanBlade

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 5971

The backstage spinoff of The Pony Variety Show! where we give you a glimpse behind the scenes!

When the lights dim and the show comes to a close, does the fun really end? No way! Showtime Bits is a devoted, behind the scenes show featuring all of those little things we can't quite fit into the Pony Variety Show! during regular operating hours.

There's no telling when these vignettes will pop up, or what'll be in them. The only guarantee is that it will be an interesting time!

Published 2012-07-21 07:24:03 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-26 18:42:22 UTC

Intrusion 1

Showtime Bits

You find yourself in the quiet lot behind the theatre where the Pony Variety Show! plays every sunday, following an anonymous tip. It seems that somepony sent you a message telling you to be here today, and apparently you're not the only one. Half a dozen others have shown up as well, whispering curiously about the nature of your secretive invitation.

You walk across the lot, trying to look inconspicuous as you pass by the Tardis, Doc's DeLorean, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, a jet powered unicycle, and other assorted modes of transportation. The quiet hubbub of your conversation ebbs into silence as you arrive at the back door of the theatre.

For long moments, you're all left there feeling slightly silly. There should be something happening, yet nothing has occurred yet. Then, with a long, low creak, the door opens, revealing a yellow eyed changeling with a similarly colored patch of chitin along his stomach. It's Yellowbelly, one of the pranksters from the show.

He grins at you, gesturing for you to enter with a hooflike appendage. "Keekeekee! C'mon quick, afore a pony sees you!"

The little group of you slips in through the door, into the back of the theatre. Off in the distance, you can hear ponies doing something around the stage area. Looking about the room, you see that the finer wood floors have spread all the way to the back. Small closets are squeezed into the walls, each labelled for certain costumes or props, while crates are stacked all about, filled with supplies for the shows.

Peering over one of those crates, Yellowbelly's other half, Bluenose, is chuckling as he peers off over the top of the impromptu wall. He looks over, spotting you all. "Ah, guests find their way here! Good, good! Need ta get rid of the potions before zebra-thing finds us."

He flits over with a box, pulling out little glass bottles filled with a powder blue liquid. Grinning from ear to ear, the changeling explains the rules of the little outing. "These potions make ya invisible! Ya can walk around, but no touching anypony, er they stop. Zecora zebra say they work for an hour, then ya gotta get out. If ponies do catch ya, it wasn' us, or ya never get back in!"

"Keekeekee! Go play now! We be watchin' too!" Yellowbelly cackles as they flit off into the darkened rafters leaving you all to experience the backstage.

"Oh boy, Fluttershy here I come!" One of the other bronies exclaims, gulping down the potion in one quick swig. You all watch as he fades from view. "Haha! It works!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't shut your mouth, so keep it down." Another whispers as he drinks his. You each take your bottle, gulping down the contents.

The effect is perfect, well almost anyways. Apparently Zecora also had a batch that turns somepony into a chicken in the same kind of bottle, because one of you didn't end up quite so lucky. Writing off the loss of one of your companions to fowlhood, you creep into the backstage area, hoping to catch sight of something to make this trip worthwhile.

* * *

As you creep out onto the stage, you see that the Star Trek set is in place, currently displaying the 'Canterprise D's' bridge. Twilight Sparkle, dressed in the full uniform of a twenty-fourth century bridge officer's red regalia, sits in the captain's chair. Surrounding her, the others are similarly attired, though in different positions.

"Captain's Log, Stardate 42544.0: I, Captain Twi Light Sparkard have taken my chair for the first time in command of the USS Canterprise. Today we will be undertaking our first mission to find new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where nopony has gone before." Twilight intones into the chair's arm.

"Who're you talking to anyway?" Spike asks from the first officer's chair next to her.

"Spike! Uh, I mean, Commander Spiker, it is important for us to keep logs of our missions, and now because of your interruption, I'll have to start all over." Twilight whines, squinting at him.

Just then, the turbolift door opens, and an irritable looking Angel Bunny comes hopping in. Twilight whirls in her chair to face the intruder. "Fluttershy isn't here, now get off my bridge, Wesley!"

Angel's face squeezes up, then he bounces back into the turbolift, looking quite peeved as the door shuts.

"Ah, that's better. Now where were we?" Twilight sighs as she sinks back into the chair.

"Captain, we're being hailed." Rainbow Dash calls down from the tactical console, dressed in Worf's signature bandolier and a yellow uniform.

"Onscreen." Twilight commands, gesturing to the large display.

"Uh, we can't. We're literally being hailed." Rainbow Dash replies, raising an eyebrow.

“In the middle of space?! Do you really expect me to believe that?” Twilight was already annoyed this morning and now any nonsense was bound to make her crack.

“Over there!” Applejack yells, eyeing the flash of light near the screen through a pony replica of Geordi's visor. The crew gasps at the sight. Rarity draws a dramatic breath, then falls back as if fainting. Spike hops out of the chair, claws extended to catch her, but fails when she squishes him underneath her.

“Q!” Twilight snaps out, glaring at the materializing figure.

The creature chuckles delightedly. “I haven’t been called that in a long time. These days I go by Discord.”

“What do you want with us this time?” Spike asks accusingly from under Rarity, who seems to be enjoying laying atop her little friend.

Discord pulls out a long roll of parchment, setting some reading glasses atop his nose as he does. “I just want you all to fill out this little poll for me. It won’t take too long.”

Twilight eyes Discord suspiciously. “What do you really want?”

“I find all this to be…humorous? Is that the word?” Pinkie Pie, her face covered in flour, giggles accidentally as she tries to keep a straight face while imitating Mr. Data.

“Ah’d say that doesn’ really matter right now.” Applejack says, looking warily at Discord.

“First question! Please state the nature of the medical emergency- oh wait, wrong series. That’s in the future.” Discord, seemingly disorganized, grabs a rubber chicken from behind his back and squeezes it, producing a pencil. It wasn’t really a pencil, but something shaped more or less like a propeller. With whatever it is, Discord crosses out a few things on the list. Meanwhile, the crew watches with varied levels of ‘what the hay?!’ expressions.

“Get on with it, freak!” Rainbow Dash shouts in her best deep, angry voice as she slams a hoof on the weapons control in annoyance. Discord seems to take no notice, and neither does Twilight. The Captain seems busy trying to get her eye to stop twitching.

“Here we are!” Discord clears his throat loudly before reading from the paper. “I’m thinking of a number between five and infinity…”

“3.14159265…” Pinkie Pie recites immediately, then falls over in a fit of giggles.

“No!” Discord says cheerfully, giggling and snapping his fingers. A big pink cloud appears over the android, pelting her in chocolate milk. Pinkie promptly begins slurping up the chocolate mess, laughing and snortling like a little piglet.

“Next question!” Discord announces.

“You said this was a poll! You can’t have wrong answers in a poll!” Twilight protests.

“Oh no? Here’s another question. Just for you Pic- I mean Sparkard. What is your name?”

Dumbfounded, Twilight tries to think before just blurting out an answer like Pinkie Pie, who is currently developing a crunchy chocolate crust, had. Finding no better answer, the Captain sighs and gives her answer.

“Captain Twi Light Sparkard.”

“Wrong!” Discord says gleefully!

“What?” Spike scratches his head in confusion.

“That’s your title, not only your name!” Discord cracks up, rolling with laughter.

“There is no honor in this poll!” Rainbow Dash cries in frustration.

“Next question!” Discord says, looking back at the list. The crew all groan. Before Discord speaks again, though he is quickly interrupted by another disturbance.

“No Angel, no! Please stay off the bridge!” Fluttershy cries, rushing onto the bridge in pursuit of Angel bunny. The little rabbit is wielding a carrot and staring at Discord with a determined look on his face. With a lucky toss, he throws the carrot at Discord, landing it right up the draconequus' left nostril.

Before Twilight can comment on this strange turn of events, Discord lets out a loud yell of ‘AAAARRRRGGG!’ before disappearing through the floor. The cloud of chocolate rain remains, however, soaking the still happy Pinkie Pie, who is ballooning up.

“Hmm…I find this to be rather delightful.” Pinkie observes, still attempting to be Data-like.

“I’m so sorry, Captain, it won’t happen again.” Fluttershy tries to cover for Angel’s behavior, but Twilight stopped her.

“Number One!” Spike, who has finally gotten out from under Rarity, rushes to Twilight's side. “I want the boy offered a position on the bridge. Perhaps in navigation?”

Angel pays no attention to this conversation. Instead the angry bunny dashes over to where Discord vanished, and begins rapping his foot on the deck.

“Yes sir!” Spike replies.

Twilight returns to her Captain’s chair, sighing with exasperation. “Now let’s get out of here. Mr. Datapie, plot a course for sector 1372. Engage.”

* * *

"That was sooo boring! I didn't even get to fire the weapons!" Rainbow Dash complains as she and Applejack walk towards their dressing rooms.

"Aw, it wasn' that bad. Ah had fun." Applejack replies, trying to defend Twilight's fantasies.

"Psh! Yes it was! I mean, all we ended up doing was staring at some star while Twilight explained a bunch of egghead stuff! I mean, how much more boring can you get!"

"Listen Rainbow, Twi's been gettin' pretty worked up lately, what with the show an' all. We need ta let her have some fun once in a while. Besides, we're her friends. We should all do what th' others think is fun sometimes."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. "Hey, ya wanna go get a drink with me?"

"Ah don' know. We're gonna start practicin' fer the next show tonight. Maybe we should hold off on th' alcohol." Applejack answers, looking a little edgy.

Rainbow Dash grins, squinting competitively. "You just don't want to because you know I can take mine better than you can."

Applejack's eyes meet Rainbow Dash's. "Anytime, anywhere!"

The pair of them race off towards their rooms to get changed, each determined to be the first one done.

* * *

"You did a wonderful job, Spike." Rarity says, smiling down at her companion as they head for Rarity's dressing room. "The way you hurried over to catch me was so gallant."

"Wow, you really think so?"

"I know so, darling." Rarity replies at the heart struck dragon. "Now, would you be a dear and fetch me a latte? I'm positively beat after that performance."

"Sure thing, Rarity!" Spike calls cheerfully, dashing off to fulfill his idol's request.

"Oh, isn't he such a sweetheart?" Rarity asks, not noticing the two snickering figures off behind her.

Bluenose and Yellowbelly flutter along in the darkened rafters high overhead, their malevolent eyes glowing as they pursue Spike's course. As he rounds a corner, the two miscreants strike. They position themselves behind a pile of sandbags, shoving the heavy objects down upon the unsuspecting Spike as he walks under.

"Oof!" He calls out, groaning from under the heavy load.

"Keeeeekeekeekee!" The changelings laugh hysterically as they glide down to where Spike lays buried under the heavy bags.

"Nighty night, dragon thing!" Yellowbelly whispers, poking Spike's exposed nose. "Now we play a prank on the prissy one."

"Keekeekeekee! Look at this one!" Bluenose chuckles, holding up a bottle of mouthwash he retrieved a moment before from one of the stage bathrooms. "We use this ta give ta the prissy one! She'll be all eeyugh!"

"Keeekeekeekee!" They both laugh together at Bluenose's imitation of Rarity.

"Ooh! Ooh! Need a coffeecup! I'll get it!" Yellowbelly hisses delightedly, then hurries over to the break room.

The cheeky changeling bursts into the low ceilinged room, passing by several small tables, booths and vending machines on his way over to the trash bin at the far end. He is in such a hurry, he hardly notices the tan mare sitting back in one of the chairs, relaxing after stage duty. He promptly buries his snout into a trash bin, pulling out the coffee cup he is seeking.

"Keeheeheekee! Gottit! Now we prank the Rarity!" He zips back out, little realizing that he's being followed.

The mare eyes Yellowbelly with an intense golden stare, brushing aside messy red, brown, and yellow locks of hair as she slips after the troublemaker. Out in the backstage prep area, she spots Bluenose pouring the mouthwash into Yellowbelly's cup. The eager changeling is practically dancing with glee as he shifts his form in a burst of green burning light that races over his body, changing his appearance to one that mimics Spike to a tee. His hold on the cup wobbles perilously until Bluenose almost misses it's wide, open top with the blue-green liquid.

"Stoppit, stoppit! I'ma miss the cup if ya keep dancing!" Bluenose whines, trying to keep from spilling their joke. He reaches a hoof into a box full of something called 'Stage Poppers, Property of The Great and Powerful Trixie!', the changeling drops it into the cup, which starts to bubble faintly.

The cackling pranksters dash off down the hall, tittering to each other as they approach Rarity's dressing room door, their new tail in quiet pursuit. Bluenose flits silently off to one side as Yellowbelly, still guised as Spike, knocks on the door below the big yellow star with 'Rarity' imprinted upon it.

"Just a moment!" Rarity almost sings from somewhere in the room, eliciting another bout of giggles from the pranksters.

The door opens moments later, revealing Rarity with her hair wrapped atop her head in a bath towel, a fluffy robe wrapped seductively around her damp body. She smiles at Yellowbelly, clearly not seeing through the disguise.

"Here ya' go, Rarity!" Fake Spike bubbles gleefully as the coffee cup floats from his claws in a blue cloud of magic. Lowering his voice to a more suggestive level, Yellowbelly speaks again, raising one eyebrow as he leans closer to the lovely mare. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Taken aback by the oddly forward attitude of the little dragon, Rarity frowns. "Well, I need to get dressed, but perhaps after I'm finished you could… help me work on some costumes for next week's show! Yes, that would be perfect." She stammers.

Yellowbelly Spike's eyes grow wider as Rarity absentmindedly draws the cup to her lips, takes a dainty sip, and promptly makes a face of utter surprise and disgust! She spits out the cavity fighting liquid, spraying the trickster a fine mist. "Pff! Euugh! Spike, what is this!? It tastes like mouthwash!"

"Keekeeeekeekeekee! We got 'er good!" Yellowbelly falls back laughing, returning to his true form.

"Kahaheekeekeekee! Silly pony thinks that you're Spike!" Bluenose joins in, cackling uncontrollably at Rarity's surprised expression.

Suddenly the cup starts fizzling and popping as the special something goes off, spraying Rarity with a blast of mouthwash, soaking her face and coat. Rarity's eyes go small in shock, leaving the two changelings laughing even more uproariously.

Off behind the two, the tan pony stifles a laugh with one hoof, trying to keep from giving herself away. She quickly slips off to where Spike is just sitting up amongst the heavy sandbags.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead." The mare says with a big grin.

"Uuh, wha? Zanny? What happened?" The little dragon asks, looking up at his friend.

"Just Bluenose and Yellowbelly, up to their usual antics." Zanny replies, helping Spike up with a hoof.

"Oh no, Rarity!" Spike pulls himself upright, rushing back to the unicorn's room.

Off down the hall, you can hear the now furious Rarity sharing a piece of her mind with the changelings, and from the sound of it, she's sharing some of the furniture with them too! "Of all the- crash! -childish pranks you two have pulled, this- smash! -has to be the worst ever! When I get my hooves on you two!"

"Keekeekeekeekee!" The changelings come barreling past you, narrowly missing as they disappear through the theatre. From the way Rarity is hurling things after them, you decide that a hasty retreat is in order as well!

* * *

Off down the hall, Twilight is stepping into her own dressing room near the very back of the theatre, when the rear entrance opens. She glances over, a smile replacing her formerly grumpy look in a heartbeat at the sight of the pony entering.

"Hello Twilight, did you have fun on the bridge?" The blue pony asks, returning her smile.

"Well, not quite as much as I would have liked, but it was okay. I don't think the others appreciate the nomenclature of stellar objects quite as much as I do." She answers halfheartedly.

"Heh, sorry I couldn't be there. It might have at least been more fun if somepony knew what you were talking about." He teases, earning him a playful nudge from the mare.

"Oh shush, Boldheart! If you keep it up, I may just schedule you to be the OC who hits on me, and gets beat up by my friends." Twilight shoots back, her voice giving a lie to the words.

"Besides, I know that some of them know what I'm talking abo-" She closes her eyes, letting a bit of pride creep into her voice. She opens them too late to see Boldheart lean in and kiss her full in the mouth, drawing a deep blush to her cheeks.

The two ponies seem frozen in time for a moment, lost in the tender gesture. Drawing his muzzle back, Boldheart's face goes red. "My apologies, Captain. You look so lovely in you uniform that I couldn't help myself."

"Ah yes," Twilight manages, blushing deeply, "I should get out of this thing."

She hurries into her room, shutting the star marked door behind her. Boldheart stands alone in the dark halls, whispering a goodbye as he watches her go. "I love you, Twilight…"

* * *

You find yourself wandering up a staircase around the show hall, when you hear chuckles and laughter coming from a small side door. Peering in, you witness a most unlikely scene. Queen Chrysalis, Pinkie Pie, Geri Fore, and Mr. Waddle are all sitting around a poker table, cards in hand as they watch each other, hoping for somepony to give away their hand.

Apparently there's a lively conversation going on, as you overhear Chrysalis talking. "-she's not really much for conversation because she's too busy hiding her fetish."

"A fetish? Fluttershy? I don't know, Chryssie, that seems a bit far-fetched, especially since she probably doesn't even know what a fetish is." Pinkie Pie answers, her tongue sticking out in concentration. She is wearing a lime green poker visor that keeps her sproingy hair from falling into her face.

"I don't know, she seems pretty secretive. After all, how often does she even come to the theatre? I'll bet that one's into some pretty wild stuff." Geri comments, his eyes dancing from Pinkie Pie to Chrysalis and back again.

"Wild? That filly's an animal!" Mr. Waddle replies.

"Dohohohohoho!" The three ponies at the table all laugh, with Pinkie's piggy snorts punctuating the oldsters' boisterous guffaws.

"Oh, you three don't know the half of it." Chrysalis smiles, laying down two aces and two eights, silencing the amusement with astounded looks. "I've actually talked with a few of her 'other' friends, and from what I hear, she's got it going on in the back closet, if you know what I mean."

"Aww, rumors and rubbish! Fluttershy is way too well behaved for that." Pinkie Pie replies with a smile, laying down her own pair of tens. "Besides, if she really were up to something, I'm pretty sure her pet parrot would know about it."

"You're getting her parrot to squawk?" Mr. Waddle asks, his eyes glimmering with another joke.

"Are you sure it's not a stool pidgeon?" Geri finishes, bringing on another bout of laughter which seems to be ruining Chrysalis' mood about holding her winning hand.

"Well, I still think she's got something to hide. Not as much as Cadence does, but still." The changeling queen comments.

"What!?" The three others all look at her in surprise.

Chrysalis smiles slyly. "If you want that little bit of gossip, you'll have to come back with more chips."

She sweeps her hooves across the table, depriving her opponents of their bids.

"Remind me not to play with a two faced bandit." Geri Fore comments to his pal.

"Two faced? I thought she had ten!" Mr. Waddle replies.

"Dohohohoho!"

* * *

You're having such a good time spying that you almost forget what time it is. Realization strikes as your body slowly begins to take shape and color again, warning you that it's time to get out of here. You hurry to the back door, slipping out before anypony spots you.

You take one long look back at the theatre, wishing for just a little more time. Oh well, looks like you'll just have to wait for the changelings' next invite.

Captain Literal's Tour

Showtime Bits: Captain Literal's Tour

"Hi and welcome to PVS offices!" Captain Literal greets the group of excited ponies and bronies that you are squished into waiting for your tour of a large office building. "I am Captain Literal, the creative mind behind that amazing OC, Captain Literal, you all know and love! Today, I am going to be your guide on a tour through our offices!"

Grins and happy yammering rises from the group, which dies down as your guide continues the introduction. "You are going to get a behind-the-scenes look at how we make the material, props, all the things that make up the show!"

Reaching behind himself, Captain Literal draws out a sheaf of papers. "Now before we enter, I need you to sign these waivers, protecting us from a liability if you are injured."

He hands the waivers out to the group. As you receive yours, you quickly read though the cluttered, three page document. There is stuff about death, dismemberment, and even being turned into a cloud on the page.

"Now before you start asking about safety, I guarantee you that this tour is in no danger of harm." An explosion resounds from within the building, followed by a scream of pain. A sheepish grin appears on the Captain's face.

"Ignore that," he says.

You all sign the forms, then return them. After all the documents are turned in, he smiles and places a hand on the handle to the building, and smiles at the group. "Is everyone ready?"

"Yes!" Everyone calls out, he takes the cue and opens the door.

"Welcome to PVS Offices!"

You all enter to find that the space inside is huge! The ceiling vaults up fifty feet, and the different departments are separated by sturdy looking fifteen foot high walls. Different forms of transportation litter the place, ranging from go-carts to jetpacks. All sorts of various beings, ponies, humans, griffons, etc... all can be seen moving about busily. Sounds of different activities permeate the air throughout the building.

"This where the magic happens. Now everyone get on the tour tram, car, bus, thingy!" He motions towards a tram that is floating a foot off the ground with a retractable stairs reaching the floor. Oohs, and ahhs, can be heard from your group as they board the flying tram. The Captain hops into the driver's chair as everyone else finds a seat. On either side of you sit a rather talkative mare, and a tall quiet brony. You try to ignore the earth pony as she babbles ceaselessly about how awesome this is.

After fumbling with controls and a reference to a book titled 'Flying Trams For Dummies', the Captain gets your group on their way. The guide's questionable flying skills shake the craft during the flight, earning worried looks from the many pegasus passing by. The Captain's voice crackles over the speakers in the tram, "Don't worry folks, I know what I'm doing! Now how do you land this thing..?"

The tram begins to to spin uncontrollably, then it miraculously rights itself as you narrowly evade the ground. You feel slightly dizzy, your vision spinning as the speakers say, "Sorry, wrong button. We are now stopping in Research and Development, or R&D."

You feel an uneasy twist in your stomach as the tram shakily makes it's way down to land in the open space. It settles with a thud, allowing you and the other passengers to hasten off it. The guide hops out of the tram, and waits for the rest of the group to offload. After everyone assembles, you, along with the rest of the group mob up in front of the entrance to R&D.

"This is were we make all those amazing stunts possible! Literally!" The Captain announces. You all enter what is currently a large room with a strange contraption in the center of it. Ponies and humans in lab coats move from various control panels and make adjustments to the machine. Twilight Sparkle sits at what appears to be the main controls.

"Hey Twilight," your guide calls out to the bookish mare," how is your latest project going?"

She turns to the group with a smile and responds, "Oh, great! The Superconductive Inter-dimensional Transponder, otherwise known as S.I.T., should be working soon."

You don't understand what she just said (unless you're one of those kind of nerds), by the looks of things, neither did Captain Literal. A hoof rises up in your group, which Twilight acknowledges.

A stallion's voice asks, "what does it do?"

Twilight smiles as she replies. "I'm glad you asked, it allows us to accurately access individuals in other dimensional planes, then creates a link using wormhole technology to effectively transport them here. Dr. Whooves was getting tired of bringing our guests, so we are currently working on adapting TARDIS technology to suit the needs of the show."

Your group stare at her in blank confusion. After reading your expressions, she sighs heavily and explains, "It allows us to bring guest to the show."

You all let out an 'Ohhhh' as the group understands. Your guide smiles sheepishly as he addresses you.

"Thanks Twilight, now let's move on! Everypony say bye to Twilight!" He motions back to the tram, which is now occupied by a driver that hopefully knows what he is doing. You all say goodbye and board the vehicle, some less assuredly than others. As you do, you hear somepony cry out.

"Wait don't push that button!" A bright flash erupts from the area, followed by a bunch of snowmen wielding snow shovels and ice picks emerge, all heading towards the writing department. Twilight burst from the room, accompanied by a group of scientists, yelling in alarm. "Quickly! Warn the writers department! We have to head them off before they reach Crazy Tim's room!"

The tram lifts off smoothly this time, bringing sighs of relief from several of the riders. The Captain's voice sounds from the speakers, announcing, "well, next stop is the testing department on our exciting tour!"

The tram makes it's way across the airspace towards the testing area. You all glimpse out, only to see what looks like a war zone! The tram lands behind a damaged blast shield, which is perforated with tiny shards of metal. You all disembark the vehicle and huddle together in front of the Captain. A few of the riders glance about fearfully.

"This is where we test out equipment to make sure it is safe," He is interrupted by an explosion and someone yelling, "My leg!"

He pauses for a moment then continues. "Erm, safe enough. Anyhoo, let's go see what is being tested now!"

He starts walking towards a ledge protected by another wall of safety glass, where Rainbow Dash stands at a control panel. She turns around as your guide greets her. "Hi Rainbow Dash! What are you testing?"

"Oh hey everypony! We are testing a lemonade making ray that Pinkie Pie is sure she can make work. But so far the lemonade it makes just explodes." She replies with a smile.

She then turns back to the control panel and speaks into the intercom, "Okay Darkened! Ready to test this thing?"

You look out the window, spying out the poor OC in the center of the testing area, with the device in hoof. He yells out, "Are you sure this is safe!?" You can't see his expression from this distance, but you can tell he is nervous.

"Yes it is one hundred percent safe." The cyan mare replies. She then moves her head away from the intercom, and quickly says to the group, "No it isn't."

She then returns to the intercom and tells him, "Anyways you are trying to prove to me that you're brave, right?"

At that, Darkened Flame straightens up and salutes her. "Okay I'm ready! I'll show you I'm one of the bravest ponies in all of Equestria!"

"Okay Darkened, fire away!"

He pulls the trigger, and a yellow beam fires from the weapon… uh… device, followed by a huge explosion, and you hear an ear piercing scream, which quickly fades. The yell becomes louder again as a charred Darkened Flame crashes in front of the group with an audible thud.

Rainbow nudges him with a hoof. "You okay buddy?"

He puts on a faint smile, while quietly muttering to himself, "She asked if I was okay... She cares."

The Captain interrupts abruptly. "Well good luck with that Rainbow! Everypony on board the tram!"

You all step back onto the vehicle as medical staff carry Darkened away on a stretcher. The death machine… tram… vehicle lifts off as your guide makes another announcement through the speakers. "Next stop on our tour is a personal favorite..." He pauses for dramatic effect, "The writer's department!"

The tram flies over to the writers department, which is in total chaos. There are pegasus teams clearing away debris, and for some reason, snow… As your transport lands, Captain Literal steps off of the craft, seemingly unsurprised by the bizarre mess. You all exit the tram almost immediately noticing a white pegasus stallion with a short messy purple mane, marked by a single red stripe in it. It is the one and only Captain Literal. He looks like he's been through a tough fight, wheezing slightly as he greets your group.

"Oh, hey everypony! I am the one and only," he assumes a dramatic pose, "Captain Literal!"

The human Captain Literal walks over to his pony counterpart. "What did we miss?"

"A dastardly group of snowmen attacked, but they were no match for the might of Captain Literal!"

He laughs at the remark. "So the usual?" It is obvious most of the department was involved, but no one questions it, due to the heroic stallion's character.

Your guide turns to you and the group. "Well this where all the amazing ideas we receive from you, our fans, are made possible. He motions you all to follow. He starts explain the different areas, as you all follow him through the myriad destroyed cubicles. Several of the cubicles are intact, with ponies, humans, etc… working at them.

You lag behind a bit, spying out Derpy unwittingly pouring a vial marked nitroglycerin into the ink compartments of the copy machines. She doesn't seem to know that it is in fact a high explosive and not ink. You decide to tell your guide, but when you finally get through the group to him, an explosion erupts from the room, and a charred and confused Derpy wobbles out. She smiles nervously, uttering a simple, "Oops," before falling unconscious. The dual Captains simply facepalms/hoofs.

After following the two through the wreckage and other areas of the writers department, you all once again board the tram, setting out for your next destination.

"Now for the final part of the tour," the Captain announces, "You get to meet the one behind it all!"

The tram approaches a grand set of heavy oak doors with the letters 'A.B.' engraved in gold, real gold, on them. The doors swing open at the floating vehicle's passage, revealing a vast, luxurious hall. The tram lands in the hall, and everyone exits it. You can't help but be impressed with the elegance of the decorum, which has clearly been styled in high Canterlot fashion. As you all walk slowly towards a second set of oak doors sized for normal people and ponies, anticipation begins to build.

Captain Literal walks up to the doors, then turns to the group. "You are about to meet the creator of PVS! Are you ready?"

You feel the excitement filling the air as you step up to meet the man behind the show, this is the one who started it all, the legend himself. Ardan Blade. Judging from the cheers, the other group members are equally exuberant.

The Captain smiles, then presses the latch on the door, drawing it open. You all walk inside, to find it is far more luxurious and awe inspiring than the outside corridor. The merry glow of a grand stone fireplace illuminates the dark room, throwing a warm glow across a vast desk. The desk itself appears to be made of a rare wood, with intricate designs on it. The walls have expensive looking paintings of ponies, particularly scenes from 'There is a Season' upon them. Behind the desk is an amazing view of the city marked with millions of lights. And the director himself is, is...

Sleeping.

He is face down on the desk, his thick, messy auburn hair strewn over countless scattered pages of text and drawings. He is snoring a bit, and a pencil is squeezed lightly between his fingers.

The Captain doesn't look concerned, or even embarrassed. He just laughs cheerfully at the sight, they way a friend laughs at the antics of his companions.

"Just like you huh?" Captain Literal says with a smile. "Wakie, wakie, buddy you got guests."

Ardan slowly wakes up, blinking his eyes groggily. "Oh… Hello Captain, is it that day already?"

Captain just laughs as he replies. "Yes it is, I swear you work too hard."

"Yea well you know me, I love working myself into a coma."

The cheerful Captain's laugh mingles with the soft chuckle of the Writer. Literal walks over to the Director and pats him on the back.

"This is the creator of PVS! He is an awesome writer, and an amazing friend." The Captain gives his good friend a smile before continuing. "He may have his dumb moments, but I wouldn't trade him for anything."

You wonder about what your friends are doing right now, and how awesome they are. This warms your heart a little, bringing a smile to your face.

"This concludes the tour, just take the teleporters on your right, and you will be back home." Captain Literal announces with a smile.

You walk over to one of the teleporters and step inside. A tingling sensation dances up your nerves as bright white light fills your vision. When your sight clears, you are standing in your living room, in front of your friends, as they stare at you with wide eyed expressions. Boy, it has been an interesting day.