Filly Games

by Waxworks

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Thriller, Shining Armor, Horror, Twilight Velvet, Night Light, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 14290

Twilight Velvet has a close call and brings a new doll home for her daughter. The doll is more than it appears to be.

After Twilight Velvet gets held hostage, she is given a doll for comfort as the police in Canterlot clean up the mess. Her assailant has apparently died, and Twilight Velvet gets sent home. She hugs each member of her family in turn and gives Twilight Sparkle the toy she had held for comfort.
In the morning, the young filly is enjoying her new toy, but she seems to be talking to it, and acting as though it can talk. Surely that's just a foalish habit, right?

Published 2017-12-11 23:20:07 UTC
Last updated 2017-12-11 23:20:07 UTC

It Begins with a Chase

The bulky unicorn mare leaped out the window, shattering the glass and raining sharp shards down on the slush-filled alley below. She landed heavily and stumbled, then limped down the alley and around the corner, leaving a trail of blood. Behind her, the squealing of a whistle came, and another unicorn, wearing a long coat and carrying a billy club skidded around the bend, sprinting down the alley.

“You can’t run forever, Smart Shot! That window did you no favors! Give up now and I won’t have to use force!” the officer yelled.

“Hah! You give up first and I won’t make you use force!” Smart Shot yelled back. She kept running, her limp only slightly slowing her down. She crashed through boxes and barrels, slamming into the few ponies that made the alley their home, pushing them into the path of the officer chasing her.

Officer Clever Plot lit up his horn, preparing a stun spell, but the ponies and objects she kept tossing in his way made him hold his fire. He didn’t want to hit any innocents with the spell. Being called into the boss’s office to explain why a pony was left stunned for an hour in the cold street was not a conversation he wanted to have again.

He finally got a clear shot, and blasted a beam down the alley, but Smart Shot tossed a nearby crate into the path and it shattered from the blast, giving Smart Shot time to disappear around a corner. Cursing the mare’s ability to continually elude him, he galloped after, checking around the corner to be sure she wasn’t waiting for him before rounding the bend. A single beam blasted back down the alley, and he thanked Celestia for his common sense, then rounded the bend, horn ready and prepared to duel! But nopony was there.

“No, no no no! Where did she go? She can’t have disappeared so quickly. She doesn’t know any teleportation spells!” Clever Plot checked the cobbles for hoofprints and blood. The sheer amount of red staining the street meant she had hit something vital. The red trail meant she should be easy to follow on a snowy night like this, she would leave a vibrant trail behind her with every step.

He found the trail of blood, and was alarmed to see it was much thicker than he had expected: This much blood meant Smart Shot was dying. His observation was interrupted, however, when he heard the sound of shattering glass and a mare’s scream. A scream that didn’t sound like Smart Shot.

Clever Plot sprinted toward the sound and stopped short when he found Smart Shot inside a toy shop holding a mare at knife-point. Smart Shot’s rear hoof was covered in blood, red liquid flowing out of her with every beat of her heart.

“You’ve hit an artery, Smart.”

“Clever observation, smarty pants. You’re a real detective.” She smiled, her face gaunt and sweaty. He could see her muscles twitching involuntarily.

“If you let the mare go and surrender, we can get you fixed up. That needs attention, now!”

“Nah. You’re gonna lock me up, and that would be so boring. So I killed a few ponies! That’s what gives me a bum rap? Rotting in a cell sounds like ass. I got plans and I can’t be arsed to wait for years to get out on possible good behavior, so I’m gonna at least finish somepony off and have a gas while you kill me.” Her horn began to glow brighter, and she shook the mare she was holding, pulling her further back into the small shop.

“Smart, please. You wouldn’t have taken a hostage if you were intent on dying. What would get you to let the mare go?” Clever took a step closer toward the broken window, trying to find a clear shot. His horn was already lit, but if she saw it flash that would be it. He only had one opportunity. She was gearing up for a spell, so he had to be ready.

Smart Shot shuffled backward, the blood from her slashed leg dripped on the floor of the shop, a thick red stain pooling beneath the two mares. The mare in her grip struggled slightly, testing the limits of Smart’s strength, but Smart Shot was much larger, and easily subdued her attempts. She brought the knife closer to the mare’s eyeball, but said nothing. She was grinning a forced grin at Clever Plot, waiting for his attack.

Clever Plot watched and waited. His opportunity would come soon. She was dying. The blood pouring out of her leg was a thick flow which meant she had minutes, at best. He didn’t know why she was holding onto the mare, though. She was a murderer, so why hold onto a pony while she bled out? Something wasn’t right.

Clever Plot’s suspicions were proven correct when Smart Shot’s horn flared. She crowed as whatever spell she was preparing started going off, and Clever Plot knew he had to make his move now: He took aim at the exposed part of her torso, and fired!

The beam struck her, spinning her to the side and throwing her backward. The mare Smart Shot was holding fell away from her, the knife narrowly missing her eye and sliding across a tiny portion of her eyebrow. Whatever spell Smart Shot had been preparing went off, and a great flash of light came from her horn. There was a bang, and a fizzle, then it went away.

Clever Plot blinked rapidly, trying to clear the afterimages, and when he could see again he clambered quickly over the broken glass to the frightened mare.

“Are you all right, miss?”

She was shaken, but coherent. “Yes…yes, I’m fine. Just a… just a small cut.” She dabbed at her forehead with a shaking hoof, then turned to look at her attacker.

Smart Shot lay in a pool of her own blood. The puddle was widening as they watched, but the blood no longer pumped swiftly out of her wound. She had died during the fight. Her chest no longer rose and fell, and her head flopped at an uncomfortable angle, her eyes staring out into nothing.

The mare gasped and covered her mouth with a hoof. “Is she…?”

“She is. My stun spell was too much for her with that injury.” He cursed and kicked a nearby shelf. “Damn fool killed herself just to avoid prison time!” He turned away and spoke into a small seashell. “I need a team down at the toy store on twentieth… Yeah, the one with the train sets. I have taken down Smart Shot but a civilian got involved. No casualties.”

He put the shell away and turned to the mare he was with. “Miss, I’ll need you to stay here until we can get your statement on this whole mess, but I assure you we’ll have you out of here as soon as we can. What’s your name?”

She stared at the body for a moment longer, then turned to him. “Um… Velvet. Twilight Velvet.”

“Miss Velvet, come. Let’s step outside until the forensics team arrives.”

She stared wide-eyed at Clever Plot, not really looking at him, but through him. “Oh, yes,” she said, but didn’t move.

Clever Plot sighed and rubbed his face. She was in shock. Not uncommon, but not something he enjoyed dealing with. He looked around the toy store and found a stuffed toy laying on the ground. He picked up it, checked it for bloodstains or anything else, and pushed it into her hooves. She clutched it tight, and allowed herself to be led outside. She shivered, and he covered her with his coat as they waited in the dark.

When the other officers arrived, Twilight Velvet and Clever Plot were quickly examined, then left alone for a while. Twilight was given a blanket instead of Clever’s coat, and they were questioned repeatedly. Clever Plot explained what happened, and Twilight Velvet gave her version of the story. They sampled the blood, examined the body, and when they were done, began packing up.

One of the forensics team came up to Clever Plot where he stood with Twilight Velvet, pacing back and forth as he waited. “Clever, I have one question before we leave.”

“Shoot.”

“You said Smart Shot was casting a spell when you hit her. Can you tell me what the spell did?”

“All it did was make a big flash of light. I think she was trying to blind me and escape.”

“But you said it took time to cast. Those spells are simple and nearly instantaneous.”

“Yeah, but maybe she was waiting for the right moment.”

The investigator shook his head and looked back at the spot where Smart Shot’s body had lain. “Alright. Something about it stinks, but that will do. Are you going to take Miss Velvet home?”

Twilight Velvet nodded vigorously, still clutching the doll she had been given. “Yes, please! My husband must be so worried about me!”

“Alright.” Clever Plot patted her hoof gently. “I will see you to your home, miss Velvet. See you at the station, Stain.”

“Have a good night, Clever,” Stain said, and left.

Clever Plot walked through the streets of Canterlot with Twilight Velvet, following her directions to her home. When they arrived, a dark blue stallion threw open the door and ran out to meet her, hugging her tight. Clever Plot explained what had happened, and bid them goodnight. As he stepped down the stairs away from the house he heard her say, “It was frightening, but they let me bring home a friend for little Twilight.” Clever Plot shook his head and smiled. Glad to see a mother get home safe.

A Rest Follows

Twilight Velvet hugged her husband, Night Light, and started crying anew. The entire crazy night came back to her in full and she just held her husband tight and cried. Night Light held her until her sobs subsided, and she spilled the whole story to him. He listened, stroking her mane as she sobbed out the story, hiccupping in between sentences. When she was done, he wiped her tears and kissed her on the forehead.

“It’s okay, dearest. You’re home. The detective took care of Smart Shot, and you’ll never have to worry about her again. You’re safe at home with your loving family,” Night Light said.

“I know. I know. I was so scared I wouldn’t see you or Shiny, or little Twilight again.” Her voice rose and she broke out into sobs again. Night Light held her and waited for her to calm down again, softly stroking her mane.

“You’re here, okay? Everything is fine. Shining Armor and Twilight are asleep in their rooms, and I’m here with you.”

“I want to see them,” Twilight Velvet said, wiping her eyes and holding back a hiccup.

“Then come on.” Night Light helped her to her hooves and they walked upstairs to their foal’s rooms. He opened the door to Shining Armor’s room, and Twilight Velvet rushed inside. She lifted up her son and hugged him, who groggily squeaked in protest.

“Mom? Whaz… what–” he felt her tears on his coat and stopped talking. He hugged her back and let her hold him.

“I love you Shiny. Don’t forget that.”

“I won’t...”

“You go back to sleep now. Mommy’s okay. I just needed to hug you.”

“Okay…” He lay back down on the bed, watching his mother as she stood up and walked out of the room. The door closed, and he was left in the darkness again.

Night Light then took her by the hoof and led her to Twilight’s room, where the younger filly slept with the door cracked and a night light glowing nearby. Twilight Velvet crept inside, but didn’t lift up the young filly like she had done with Shining Armor. She stood above her and looked down at her, smiling softly to herself. She leaned down and kissed her lightly on the cheek, then held up the stuffed toy the detective had given her from the toy store.

“Shiny believes he’s too old for dolls, but I want you to have this, little Twilight. A reminder to me that everything could be taken away in a moment, and I should treasure each moment I have with you.”

She placed the doll next to her daughter, and the filly reached out and grabbed it in her sleep. Twilight Velvet smiled at the sight, and crept back out of the room. Night Light put a hoof around her withers and the two closed the door quietly, then went to their room. They crawled into bed and enjoyed each other’s warmth as the cold night passed, snow covering up the night’s events in a chill blanket.

While the others slept, the doll Twilight Velvet had given to her daughter turned its head. It had a thick yarn mane that fell over its button eyes. Its lower half was made of polka-dotted fabric, giving it the appearance of wearing a pair of pants. It lifted itself up and looked around the room, softly lit by the night light on a dresser in the corner. It raised a hoof and looked at it, then felt its forehead. It slammed the tiny nub down onto the bed, and tried to stand up. The sleeping filly next to it, reached out and grabbed it tight, pulling it close. She rubbed her face on it and mumbled. Defeated, the toy went limp and stared at the ceiling as the night crept past.

“Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy! Look who came to me last night!” Twilight Velvet’s daughter, Twilight Sparkle, came rushing down the stairs, holding her new toy in her magic and waving it about.

“Oh, I see that! What a nice new friend you’ve made.” Twilight Velvet placed some pancakes on a plate and patted the seat in front of it. Twilight Sparkle jumped up and placed her new toy next to her on the chair.

“Mmhmm! Her name is Smarty Pants, and she’s my new friend.”

“Smarty Pants? Well that’s a very fitting name.”

“Now is that because she’s smart and wears pants, or are her pants smart?” Shining Armor asked.

“It’s because she said so. She’s smart and wears pants. I bet she studies a lot just like me!”

“If she’s so smart, does she know what an arctic slime’s weakness is?” Shining Armor asked.

“I know that one!”

“I know you know, but does Smarty Pants know?”

Twilight Sparkle ducked down and whispered at Smarty Pants, she put her ear up next to the toy then raised her head again. “No, she doesn’t.”

Shining Armor shrugged. “Not so smart then, is she?”

“That’s okay, because I can help her study!”

Night Light, sitting at the other end of the table with his horn sticking up from behind a newspaper, snorted with mirth. Twilight Velvet chuckled, and Shining Armor groaned.

“Looks like you’ve encouraged your daughter to study even harder, Twilight, dear,” Night Light said.

“Well, that just means she’ll be a shoo-in to get into Celestia’s school for gifted unicorns. You know the entrance exam always changes. She’ll need that kind of skill when it comes time.”

“Mom, you know she doesn’t get out much. This is the opposite of what she needs!” Shining Armor said.

“Oh, hush. She has you. Just be a good big brother and encourage her.”

Shining Armor frowned and went back to eating his pancakes. He looked over at Twilight, eating her own and pretending to share with Smarty Pants.

“I’m heading out now,” Twilight Velvet yelled from the front door. There’s still a lot to do before Hearthswarming. Nighty, make sure the foals have their things for school. Shiny, make sure Twilight gets to school, okay?”

“Yes, Dear.”

“Yes, Mom.”

The door slammed shut and Twilight Velvet was gone. The rest of the family ate their breakfast in near-silence. Night Light grumbled under his breath about things he read in the paper, and Twilight kept talking to her new toy.

“What is your opinion on Starswirl’s fashion choices, Smarty Pants? The bells are a nice touch, but they are completely superfluous. They might even have been distracting during spell casting what with all the noises they must have made.”

Shining Armor watched his sister chatter away and smiled ruefully. She was smart, that was for sure, but having a pony she could chatter away at about everything she read, even if it was just a stuffed toy, might hinder her ability to talk to normal ponies. He would try his best, but he just hoped it would be enough.

“Alright, kids.” Night Light shut the newspaper and folded it up, then placed it on the table. He stood up and went to the counter where ingredients for sandwiches had been placed, but not prepared. “Let’s get you off to school. Sandwiches are for lunch. Shiny, do you want more or less mayonnaise?”

“Less, please.”

“Twilight, how about you?”

“More, please.” Twilight pulled Smarty Pants closer to her ear for a moment, then said, “No, mayonnaise is delicious, and it’s my sandwich, not yours. You won’t have to eat it.”

Night Light turned to look at her. “Who are you talking to, sweety?”

“Smarty Pants. She said mayonnaise is an abomination before the princess.”

“Did she? Do you still want more mayonnaise on your sandwich?”

“Of course! I love mayonnaise!”

“Okay then. But don’t complain when your lunch has mayonnaise on it.”

Night Light finished preparing the lunches and put them in the two foals’ saddlebags. He lifted them up and put them on their backs as they came to stand before the front door. He bundled them up in their winter clothes, making sure they both had a scarf and earmuffs. He kissed them both on the head, with Shining Armor fixing his mane immediately afterward and Twilight holding up Smarty Pants for one, which he gave.

“You kids have fun at school. Your mother and I are taking you out for dinner afterward, so be home quick.”

“We will!” they said.

They trotted out the door and Shining Armor plodded ahead down the street. He led the way to school, checking both ways before crossing the street. He made sure Twilight was behind him at all times, and held her hoof when the morning crowd got hectic.

Twilight, for her part, bounced Smarty Pants along beside her with her magic, and laughed at secrets and jokes she shared with her new toy. Shining Armor had to smile despite himself.

They were passing the police station when Twilight suddenly shouted “Stop!”

Shining Armor turned around, confused and alarmed. “What? What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but Smarty Pants wants to look at the police station.”

“What? Why?’

“I don’t know, but she says she knows somepony in there. Do we have time to stop?”

“We really don’t. We’ll only be a half-hour early if we stop. You don’t want to push it, do you?”

“No, you’re right.” She held the doll up in front of her face and frowned. “Sorry, Smarty Pants. We can look some other time. I need to study before class.”

Shining Armor smiled a rueful smile. “What got you so interested in the police station all of a sudden? Want to become a guardspony like me?”

“Ew, no. I told you; Smarty Pants was interested, not me.”

“Of course, sorry.”

They arrived at school and Twilight and Shining Armor went their separate ways for class. Twilight put down her book bag and pulled out her books, then began reading. Nopony else was in the classroom yet, so she and Smarty Pants were alone.

Smarty Pants turned her head to Twilight and looked up. “So, you’re seriously gonna just study, eh? I’m gonna go back and have a look at that police station, awright?”

Twilight didn’t turn away from her book, far too engrossed in it to pay attention to anypony else. Smarty Pants stared up at her a moment longer, then pulled herself out of the bag. She dropped to the floor and began trotting across it. She looked back up at Twilight once to see if she noticed, but she didn’t. Smarty Pants shrugged and moved on.

She made it to the edge of the room and peered out the door. There was a single pony walking down the hall, but otherwise it was devoid of life. Twilight had arrived plenty early to ensure she had time to study whatever it was they were working on that day, so Smarty Pants had a clear shot to the doors.

“Sweet Celestia what a nerd. At least this works in my benefit.” Smarty Pants trotted down the hall and reached the front doors. She pushed on them, but they didn’t budge. “Aw, fuck. Come on. This tiny body can’t even open doors? Where’s that earth pony strength I always heard so much about?” She struggled with it again, and managed to swing it open just enough to slip out. She was about to dive outside when she heard a voice outside. She panicked, looked for somewhere to hide and couldn’t find anywhere nearby, then settled for dropping limp.

The doors swung open, and two mares walked in. One of them almost stepped on Smarty Pants before she noticed. “Oh?” She picked up the toy and walked inside. The doors swung shut and Smarty Pants cursed as she was dragged along. “This early before class I bet I know who you belong to.”

The mare walked back down the hall to the classroom Smarty Pants had just left and held up the toy as she entered. “Twilight Sparkle, is this yours?”

Twilight didn’t look up from her book.

The mare sighed and walked over to Twilight’s desk and placed Smarty Pants on top of the book Twilight was reading. “Does this belong to you?”

“Oh! Smarty Pants!” Twilight looked up at the mare. “She does! Where did you find her?”

“She was just inside the front doors of the school. I know your books are important, but you wouldn’t want to lose a toy. Do keep track of your things, Twilight.”

“I will, thank you.” Twilight held Smarty Pants and looked down at her bag. She took one of her books and opened it, then put it in her bag, and placed Smarty Pants in the bag facing the open book. “There you go. You can read instead of getting into mischief, okay Smarty Pants?”

The mare smiled down at Twilight and went back to the desk at the front. She pulled out her own books and began setting up for class.

Twilight continued her studying even as the rest of the fillies and colts started filtering into the classroom. A couple of them said hello to her, but Twilight was absorbed in her book and didn’t respond to most. Twilight kept reading and studying until the teacher began the lesson.

It Continues with Business

The day passed quickly for Twilight, but slowly for Smarty Pants. Smarty Pants wanted nothing more than to abandon this foal’s class to go investigate the police station and see if detective Clever Plot worked there. Unfortunately no opportunities to leave presented themselves during the day, and she was forced to wait, staring at a book about magical theorycrafting the entire time.

When the day finally came to an end, Smarty Pants was relieved to finally be pulled away from the book and carried out the door. Twilight was a no-nonsense filly, and she stepped out of the school and waited patiently for her brother to arrive and walk her home. They chatted about what they learned, with Twilight asking her brother about magic at the higher levels of education. Smarty Pants didn’t know what they were talking about, but it sounded like nerd talk. She was trapped with a family of nerds.

They walked back to their house and went inside. Twilight put Smarty Pants down on the couch and placed a book in front of her titled: ‘Starswirl’s Dissertation on Spells and Incantations’. She left her there while she went upstairs to prepare for dinner.

Smarty Pants chanced a look around, but nopony appeared to be nearby. Shining Armor and Twilight had gone upstairs, leaving her alone with just the book. Their father, Night Light, was it? Hadn’t arrived home yet, and neither had Twilight Velvet. Smarty Pants hopped to the floor and ran over to the window. She clambered up onto the window sill and looked out onto the street.

The family she was living with had a home in the expensive portion of town. The kind of place she would avoid unless she was committing burglary. Murders were too dangerous to attempt here, as there were almost always guards nearby. Mugging was possible, but dangerous. Burglary didn’t involve assaulting another pony, so that was best for this area.

If she remembered where they had walked, the police station was close by. She could run down there and be back before they got home from their dinner out if she was quick and clever. The early winter night should provide some cover. She just needed to scope the place out, find out where Clever Plot’s office was. Nopony would suspect a toy!

Smarty Pants heard hoofsteps descending the staircase and rushed back to the couch. The hoofsteps stopped and Shining Armor’s voice called out. “Hello? Mom? Dad?”

He came over to the couch and looked around, but the only thing there was Smarty Pants sprawled on top of the book Twilight had given her. He checked the front door, but it was shut. He shrugged, and went into the kitchen.

Immediately after him, Twilight came down the stairs dressed in a simple little dress. She came over to the couch and laughed at Smarty Pants spread out over the pages of the book. She picked her up and jumped up onto the couch and held the book in front of her. She turned Smarty Pants’ face to the book and scolded her.

“Smarty Pants, you can’t read a book like that. You need to have your face at least a hooves length away or you can’t see the words. Let me read it to you.” Twilight then began droning on about Starswirl’s opinions on the current state of magic spells and how they were becoming too gaudy and flashy compared to their functionality.

Smarty Pants screamed internally.

Soon, Night light and Twilight Velvet arrived home together. They brought with them several packages and bags which they placed on the kitchen table. Night Light yelled for the kids while Twilight Velvet began putting groceries away.

“Kids! I hope you’re dressed, it’s time to go!”

Smarty Pants was ecstatic. She crowed to herself as she was placed on the couch with that infernal book next to her. Twilight got up and went to the front door, leaving her behing. As soon as they left, Smarty Pants was going to sneak out the window and down to the station.

“Twilight, don’t you want to bring your new friend?”

“Oh, yeah!”

Smarty pants cursed as she was lifted off her spot on the couch. Now she would have to wait even longer to investigate the police station! She couldn’t blow her cover, though. Everypony thought she was dead. She needed to play her cards right until she had an opportunity to kill Clever Plot, then figure out a way to get back into an actual body. The spell wasn’t supposed to work on inanimate objects, but here she was. She just wished she had a horn.

She was shaken and hugged, then placed on Twilight’s back as the family left for dinner. She got a good view of the street with the police station on it as the family wandered over to one of the fancier restaurants. They entered, got their seats, and eventually ordered their food and enjoyed eating.

Smarty Pants could smell the food, and she felt hungry, but she had no real mouth to speak of. It was curious, and she wondered if she would eventually starve. A lot of problems were rearing their head that she hadn’t considered. Of course, she had intended to end up in the mare, Twilight Velvet, so this was unexpected, but it was still worth considering.

Her thoughts were interrupted when a familiar voice rang out over the hum of conversation, halting the quiet dinner of the family.

“Miss Velvet? That is you, yeah?”

Smarty Pants looked over at the speaker and if she had had blood, it would have boiled with rage. It was Clever Plot, still a normal unicorn pony, with all his unicorn parts and his fucking horn and everything! Smarty pants seethed.

Smarty Pants looked around. She had been placed on the edge of the table next to Twilight. One leg was dangling off the edge of the table, and she was next to one of the knives. It was a butterknife, but it would do.

She inched surreptitiously toward the edge of the table, scooting millimeter by millimeter off the table. As she went, she grabbed onto the knife next to her. She waited until Twilight looked the other way, and slipped off the edge of the table. When she fell, she made sure the knife landed on her soft body and didn’t clatter too much.

Once she landed, she held her nonexistent breath and waited. Twilight didn’t seem to have noticed just yet, nor did anypony else at the table or nearby. She stood up, grabbed the knife in her fabric hooves and crawled under the tablecloth.

She could see each pony’s hooves. Twilight Velvet and Night Light reached the floor, and were playing hoovesies, much to her disgust. Shining Armor’s hooves were sitting still, while Twilight was kicking her legs back and forth. Across the floor, Smarty Pants could see Clever Plot’s hooves, taunting her.

“Smarty Pants? Where did you go?” Twilight’s hooves hit the floor and padded around, searching for her new toy.

Smarty Pants didn’t have time to waste! She galloped under the table, through the tangled hooves of Night Light and Twilight Velvet, and stabbed the blunt butterknife into Clever Plot’s shin with all her might just as she heard Twilight lift the tablecloth behind her. As soon as the knife was in, she jumped backward and flopped to the floor, limp and unmoving.

“I just want to be sure you’re feeling okay after—gaaaaaaaah! Sweet Celestia’s fiery nnnffff!” Clever Plot hopped in pain. He stifled his voice after seeing Shining Armor look up at him. He looked down at his hoof and saw the bloodied butterknife laying on the ground beneath him. Twilight’s head poked out from under the tablecloth immediately afterward, holding Smarty Pants. She saw the knife and the blood and jumped, banging her head on the table.

“Ahhhh! Blood!” Twilight jumped out from under the table and into her mother’s hooves. She rubbed her head and began crying.

Twilight Velvet picked her up and looked at Clever Plot. “What in Equestria happened?”

Clever Plot frowned down at the filly in Twilight Velvet’s grip. “I think your daughter just stabbed me with a knife.”

“What? Twilight would never do that!”

Clever Plot held up his hoof, showing off the blood leaking out of the shallow wound. He then pointed to the butterknife on the floor, with a small amount of his blood still on the blade. “Your daughter just happened to be under the table when somepony stabbed me with a butterknife.”

Twilight Velvet had no response to that. She looked down at the filly in her hooves with a frown. “Twilight, did you hurt Mr. Plot with a knife?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, it must have been Smarty Pants! She jumped off the table and I found her underneath it!”

Night Light sighed. “Sweetie, Smarty Pants is a toy. She can’t move. You know you can’t perform those things you see in the medical journals on living ponies.”

“I didn’t try to perform anything! Smarty Pants jumped off the table!” Twilight started crying again at being blamed. She shoved her face into her mother’s chest, hugging Smarty Pants close.

Clever Plot rubbed his good hoof over his face. “It’s fine. It’s really shallow, and foals will be foals. They see and they copy.” He looked at Night Light. “Does she really read medical journals?”

Night Light beamed with pride and thumped his chest with a hoof. “Hay’s Anatomy. 4th Equestrian edition. Top of her class.”

“That’s crazy. I can forgive her for trying to test some of the stuff she sees in there. I’m just glad you’re doing alright, Mrs. Velvet. You and your family have a good day, and do stay in touch if you feel anything untoward, but I should really go bandage my hoof.”

“I will. Thank you again, detective.”

Twilight Velvet smiled as the detective walked away rubbing his injured hoof. She kept the smile on her face until they had finished their meal and paid the bill. When they left, she turned to Twilight and frowned.

“Twilight! Why did you attack the detective with that knife?”

Twilight shrank back from the sudden accusation, hugging Smarty Pants tight. “But I didn’t! Smarty Pants did! She thinks he’s a bad pony.”

“Twilight, why do you think he’s a bad pony? He helped rescue me last night from a truly bad pony!”

“I don’t think he’s a bad pony!”

“Okay—” Twilight Velvet rubbed a hoof across her face. “—why does Smarty Pants think he is a bad pony, then?”

“Because… she said that, like in books, the detective you suspect of being the good guy is actually the bad guy behind the whole thing! She was trying to pre-emptively stop him!”

Twilight Velvet turned sharply to look at her husband. “I told you she shouldn’t be allowed to read those trashy crime novels you love so much!”

“Trashy? Hey, come on. She likes to read. I’m not going to stop her from enjoying her books so much.”

“Ugh. We’ll talk about this more tomorrow, okay, Twilight? But you need to remember that books can be fiction.”

“Yeah! Fiction and non-fiction!” Twilight said with a smile.

“Exactly. I will explain more tomorrow, but remember that just because some detectives are bad in books, not all detectives are bad.”

“Like Fetlock Holmes?”

“Yes. Like Fetlock Holmes. He’s a good detective.”

“So, how do you know which detectives are good and which are bad in real life? In the books you get shown clues and hints that would give it away. Are there those in real life, too?”

“No, Twilight. You have to get to know them and understand them as a pony. You can’t just jump to conclusions.”

Twilight considered this as they walked back home. It kept her occupied and silent, which was good enough for Twilight Velvet. She would probably ask for a book on the subject soon, and Twilight Velvet would have to try to provide one. She’d ask at the library about it tomorrow. There was probably a book on the subject, comparing real life to that of fiction, and how the ponies in books were just stereotypes more often than not. Twilight would eat that book up, now that she’d been proven wrong about something she’d read in her books. She needed it. If she was mixing up real life and fiction, maybe Shining Armor was right. Twilight needed some friends. She would have to talk to Twilight’s teacher about that.

The family filed back into the house, and each of them retired to their respective rooms. Twilight Velvet began drawing a bath, Shining Armor went to his room to exercise, Night Light began pulling out bedclothes and slipped into the bathroom ahead of his wife, leaving Twilight Sparkle alone in her room to study.

Smarty Pants scoffed at the quick smooch Twilight’s parents shared as Night Light went into the bathroom to wait for his wife, and smirked at Twilight when she shut the door to her room.

“I want to see the police station up close, Twilight. The bad detective works there. We can stop him before he steals anything if you can get me closer to it.”

Twilight frowned at Smarty Pants. “Mommy says all detectives aren’t bad. She’s right. Fetlock Holmes doesn’t try to blame anypony until he has enough clues to work with. He could be like Fetlock Holmes.”

“Nah, little filly. We’re the protagonist here, see? We’re the good detectives. How can he be the good detective if that’s us?”

Twilight pondered this for a moment. She didn’t have an immediate response, so Smarty Pants pressed her advantage. “So, we need to go and find the clues, right? We’re the good guys, but we need to prove he’s the bad guy. We know he is, we just need the proof. We gotta go investigate where he works, right? Get summa that… evidence.”

“Hmmm… I guess you might be right. Why are we the protagonist, though? Shouldn’t that be my mommy or daddy?”

“Look at us. A filly and her doll? Together fighting crime? We’re a walking joke. Perfect for any of those shi-uh… trashy… detective novels.”

“That’s true! Twilight and Smarty Pants! Solving crime with books! Let me get two notebooks and quills!”

“Uh… what?”

“We have to take notes for what we see! It’s important to always make a list.” Twilight held up a large notepad and a quill for herself, and gave Smarty Pants a smaller quill and a folded piece of parchment.

Smarty Pants rolled her button eyes but took the parchment and quill. She shoved them under her armpit and waited while Twilight rummaged through her closet for a suitable hat. She came out with a simple cap that looked stolen from her brother, with the royal Canterlot guard’s insignia on it.

“This’ll do, I guess. Ready to go?”

“Been ready, doll.”

“Doll?”

“It’s a figure of speech or something. Just pick me up and let’s go. I can’t be seen by adults.”

“Okay! Shhhh!”

Twilight picked up Smarty Pants and opened the door to her room. She peered conspicuously out of her room and down the hall. The bathroom door was shut and quiet laughter could be heard. Steam issued from under the crack. Smarty Pants rolled her button eyes again. Shining Armor’s door was shut, leaving Twilight and Smarty Pants alone to creep down the stairs and to the front door.

Twilight looked around the house one last time, giving a cursory glance up the staircase she had just descended to make sure nopony had seen her sneak down. When she was satisfied her adventure was going well, she opened the door as quietly as she could, slipped outside, and shut it just as silently, using her magic to muffle it.

Outside, the snow was muffling a lot of the city’s noise, creating a blanket of silence over the darkening town. Fat flakes spiraled out of the clouds the pegasi had put in place, and landed all around her. Twilight smiled up at one as it fluttered down to land on her nose. She licked it off and looked around the streets.

“That way!” Smarty Pants pointed. The night was quickly approaching, and there weren’t many ponies on the streets, leaving Smarty Pants free to move and speak.

“I know. I’ve lived here longer than you have, Smarty Pants.”

“Well then quit staring at snowflakes and get moving! Your parents will notice you’re gone if you don’t hurry!”

Twilight squeaked and trotted down the road toward the police station. It was on the road to school and she passed by it every day, so it was easy to find. Once there, however, she wasn’t sure what they were supposed to do.

“How do we find the detective and get evidence? We can’t just walk in there.”

“Of course we can.”

A police mare walked out of the building and stood next to the entrance. She hugged her bundled clothing tight to herself and pulled out a cigarette. She began smoking, unaware of the filly hiding in a doorway nearby.

“No, we can’t! She’ll see us!”

“So what? You’re a filly. What are they going to do, arrest you?”

Twilight hunkered down in the snow, looking at Smarty Pants. “Maybe?”

“Celestia’s ass. That’s not how it works. They can’t arrest you /because/ you’re a filly. You’re too young. Worst case they’ll send you home. Now get me inside that building! I’ll handle the rest!”

Twilight bit her lip and shuffled nervously. She knew that. She knew she wouldn’t get arrested. But if she went in, they would ask her all sorts of questions that she didn’t have the answer to. It would be awkward, and then they would certainly find out who she is, and they would contact her parents, and it would just be so much talking and answering. With that policemare out here, she wouldn’t even be able to get in the building without having to talk to somepony.

Twilight shook her head. “I can’t just walk in the front door. There has to be another way to get inside and find that evidence.”

Smarty Pants couldn’t close her button eyes in frustration, but a soft hoof struck her face and she grimaced. “Come on, Twilight. It’s literally around the corner.”

Twilight crouched down further and shook her head again, tossing her mane back and forth. “They’d ask me too many questions. I don’t want to answer.”

“Just…” Smarty Pants sighed “…okay. Find me a window or a vent or something. I’m tiny. I can fit in there.”

Twilight nodded and scurried back around the police station. The alley leading behind it was small, but when she turned around the back, there was the entire corral of police wagons and other carts. There were no ponies back here, and Twilight felt safe enough to wander around in the open.

“There!” Smarty Pants pointed to a grate near the ground. It was just inside the fenced-off portion of the wagon corral, and looked to lead to an underground portion of the police station.

“You think you can fit in there?”

“Pretty sure I can, now toss me over and I’ll go inside and find out evil detective.”

“Okay, but you’ll come back, right?”

“Of course I will. We’re best friends!”

Twilight smiled, kissed Smarty Pants on the nose, and threw her new toy over the fence. Smarty Pants landed in the snow and wasted no time in picking herself up and disappearing across the corral to the grate. She squeezed her head through the grate, her squishy body deforming enough to allow her entrance, and disappeared inside the police station. Twilight waited in the snow outside, hiding in a corner.

And Then There is Drama

Smarty Pants fell into a damp corner. It was dark and smelled of urine. She let her button eyes adjust until she could see around her.

When the meager light allowed her eyes to get used to it, she saw she was inside a cell underneath the station. This would have been one of the temporary cells used for holding suspects or other ne’er-do-wells until they were released or transferred elsewhere. But it was inside the station, and that was all that was needed.

Smarty Pants scurried out of the cell, easily fitting through the bars, and hurried to the end of the line of cells where there was a small desk and a door. There didn’t appear to be any other ponies in the cells around. This station was in a better part of town, and so the few ponies that were ever arrested were transferred or dealt with very quickly. Many had the privilege of paying their way out as well, given that they were so rich.

Smarty Pants grabbed the chair, pulled it closer to the door, climbed it, and leaped for the handle. The weight of the jump was barely enough to turn the handle, and the door clicked open. She dropped down and peeked out the crack, then slipped through and hurried up the stairs.

At the top of the stairs, Smarty Pants could hear ponies trotting back and forth. It sounded busy, but not excessively so. The hearthswarming season always saw a drop in crime around the city, and especially so in the richer portions. Guards were planted around the city in more places to discourage would-be ne’er-do’wells. That meant that the police were less busy, and that meant it was going to be easier to navigate the station for Smarty Pants.

She huddled just underneath the top step and poked her head up. She looked around to see if anypony was near, but saw nothing. She heard plenty, however. Ponies chattering away on phones and the police’s speaking-shells. They were communicating every sort of police business imaginable. Smarty Pants was looking for a specific officer, however, and needed to find that bastard before she was discovered.

Smarty Pants hopped up the last step and scuttled to the nearest office. She looked up at the name on the door, trying to read it. ‘True Clue’ the name read. Not the pony she was after. She moved to the next one and read; ‘Hard Fact’. She continued through them, hiding behind wastebaskets and potted plants as she went. She snuck behind a water cooler and was waiting for a pony to pass when she heard a familiar voice.

“I ran into the mare Smart Shot held hostage. She was at the restaurant tonight. Beautiful mare. A shame she’s married with foals. Mares love thanking their rescuer,” Clever Plot said.

“Hah! You absolute cad. Taking advantage of mares when they’re emotionally compromised. I heard from Canterlot university that there’s a word for that. Can’t remember what it is, but that’s a distinct thing that happens!” another voice said.

“Hey, I don’t care what it’s called. It’s a good opportunity to get laid with no obligation afterward.”

“Until they start calling the station to try and find you.”

“That happened once!”

Smarty Pants followed the two ponies with her eyes, watching to see where Clever Plot disappeared to. He got further away and she was forced to leave her hiding spot to follow after him. She followed along behind shelves and potted plants as ponies walked back and forth, shuffling about and chattering to each other about pointless crimes and stupid orders. Smarty Pants stayed fixated on her target as he walked through the office.

Eventually, he parted ways with the stallion he was talking to and entered an office with his name on it. Smarty Pants grinned and hid behind a plant nearby, observing the room from afar.

Clever Plot bustled about the room for a minute more, moving papers and shuffling through them, writing on a bit here or shredding some pages there. Nothing else was happening with him, however, and it didn’t look like he was going to be going anywhere anytime soon.

Smarty Pants wanted in there badly. She would have the element of surprise, and the advantage of size in order to sneak up on him. He wouldn’t expect an attack in the middle of the police station, and if she could get her hooves on a good enough weapon, she could slit his throat before he was any wiser. Wouldn’t that put the police station on edge!

The problem was getting inside his office. She couldn’t reach the handle, and even if she could, the door opening would alert him to the presence of somepony inside his office, which would ruin the attack. How much longer could she wait, though? Twilight was waiting outside. She needed to do this quickly.

Suddenly shouting could be heard at the front of the station, and a bunch of ponies ran toward it. Clever Plot heard it as well and opened his door to take a look. Smarty Pants seized her chance, heedless of the ponies trotting past, and slipped inside the office under his hooves. Clever Plot stood in the doorway for a moment longer, then walked toward the front to check.

Smarty Pants clambered onto his chair and up to the desk while he was busy. She looked around for a weapon she could use against him, settled on the pointy letter-opener, and clambered back down to hide under the desk. The letter-opener wasn’t the best weapon, but stabbed into soft tissue, it would do more damage than a butterknife. His neck would be the best target, but that would require a higher vantage point.

Clever Plot walked back to his desk when he was sure things were well under control. He left the door open a crack to better hear the sound that was going on, then he sat back down. He began going through his papers again, boring desk work which he clearly hated, judging by the scowl on his face, but he was engrossed in it. That was all Smarty Pants needed.

She tip-hoofed out from under the desk and to the bookshelf. She held the letter-opener in one hoof and climbed up the shelves with the other. It was difficult, but falling wasn’t going to kill her, so she was careless and swift about it.

That raised a good question: could she currently be killed in the traditional sense? Worth exploring, but not at the moment. At the moment, she needed to do a little killing herself.

She reached a high enough shelf where she was behind Clever Plot, and had a little bit of a fall before hitting him. She looked out the windows at the front of the office, and planned her escape route through the open door. She gauged the jump carefully, took a small running start, and leaped!

The fall was short, but exhilarating. At her current size it seemed like a massive leap, but was probably only a foot or two. She swung the letter-opener down with her fall, and stabbed it into the back of Clever Plot’s neck. Blood spurted out, and he screamed in pain. It wasn’t enough to kill him, though.

Clever Plot just screamed in pain. He thrashed and grasped at the letter-opener stuck into his withers with his hooves, shouting and cursing in pain. Smarty Pants released her weapon and dropped to the floor. Her assassination attempt had failed and she needed to skedaddle before she was discovered. She could hide somewhere, but Twilight was waiting for her, and there was no better hiding place than with a little filly living near the police station. She could always come back later. Always…

For now, though, she needed to get out to fight another day. She didn’t look back and bolted across the hall. The commotion at the door and now the commotion from Clever Plot’s office had the entire station in a flurry. Everypony was off dealing with something, leaving the offices and the stairs back down to the cells wide open.

Smarty Pants threw herself down the stairs, heedless of the fall. She smacked into one of the stairs with no pain, and bounced the rest of the way down. It was disorienting, but not painful. She pulled herself up when she came to rest at the bottom and slipped into the door she had left ajar. She made her way through the musty prison to the corner she had entered from, and clambered up the rough wall to the tiny barred hole and squeezed out. She ran to the fence and called out for Twilight.

“Twilight! Time to go!”

Twilight peeked out from her hiding place. She looked around, wary of any police, but most were hunting for an attacker inside the station itself. Twilight came out of her hiding spot and lifted Smarty Pants up and over the fence and out of the corral. She hugged Smarty Pants tight, and started walking back out of the alley.

As the two approached the front of the station, Twilight got to see the hubbub surrounding the front of the police station. One unicorn was flashing his horn red and blue, maintaining a watch at the front. He saw Twilight immediately and blew his whistle, pointing at the alley. Two officers charged down it toward Twilight, who cowered and started crying. Once they saw it was a filly, their faces softened and they stopped next to her. One of them pulled out a shell to speak into.

“Got a lone filly in the alley. Nopony else nearby. No parents. Crying,” the officer said.

There was a crackling response, and the mare nodded. “Come on, little one, let’s get you inside. What’s your name?”

“Twi-Twilight Sparkle.”

She looked at the little doll in Twilight’s magic. “And who’s your little friend?”

“That’s… Sm-*hic*-Smarty Pants.”

The mare led Twilight into the station, her partner staying out to investigate the alley. She sat Twilight down on a bench and got her a blanket to wrap herself up in, then sat down next to her. “Now would you care to tell me what you were doing in the alley alone at this time of night?”

Twilight looked terrified. She glanced up at the mare occasionally, but immediately averted her gaze and looked at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, or Smarty Pants. Anywhere but at the officer. “Uhhh…”

“We really need to know. Somepony attacked one of our officers inside the station, and you or somepony you love could be in danger right now!”

“Or, we could have found the perpetrator in the alley next door!” Clever Plot interjected.

The mare officer stood up to look at the approaching stallion. He had a makeshift bandage around his neck with blood staining it. Twilight gasped when she saw him and looked down at Smarty Pants in surprise and anger.

“You said you weren’t going to hurt him!” Twilight said.

The mare’s eyes widened in surprise, while Clever Plot’s eyes narrowed in anger.

“So, this injury on my neck is your doing as well, young Twilight? Just like my injury at dinner?” He waved his hoof with a band-aid on it in her face.

Twilight didn’t say anything, but hugged Smarty Pants tighter and curled up on the bench.

“Stop, Clever, can’t you see she’s scared?”

“She has every reason to be. This filly stabbed me in the leg at dinner not a few hours ago, and suddenly I get stabbed in the neck with a letter-opener, only to find her outside the police station. I don’t believe in coincidences.” Clever Plot glared at Twilight, then turned to the other officer. “Contact her parents, get them down here. We’re keeping her here until I know why she was down here and why she seems to know I was going to be hurt.”

“Yes, sir!”

Clever Plot stood over Twilight at her place on the bench. He loomed over her, glaring down at the filly who avoided his gaze. She held her toy close and looked down at the floor.

Clever Plot began pacing in front of her. The station had calmed somewhat, not having found anyone inside or out besides Twilight. He waited with her until a concerned mother and a worried father barreled into the station. Twilight Velvet rushed straight to her daughter to hug her close and whisper comforting words. Night Light stood aloof, stern and with a hard look on his face.

“Why are you keeping her here?” Twilight Velvet whirled on Clever Plot, pointing an accusing hoof at him.

“Because I have been stabbed /inside/ the police station by an unknown assailant, and upon seeing my injury, your daughter said: ‘You said you weren’t going to hurt him!’ to her doll.”

Twilight Velvet’s eyes went from Clever Plot to her daughter, and changed from an accusing glare to a worried look. “Twilight, is this true?”

Twilight looked down at Smarty Pants and wiggled the doll’s hooves, refusing to look up at her parents.

“Twilight. Answer me.” Twilight Velvet’s voice was stern and on the verge of anger. When Twilight didn’t answer, her voice got louder and she ordered her to respond. “Now!”

Twilight flinched, but started talking. “Smarty Pants wanted to come see the police station! She said the detective was a bad pony and we should be like Fetlock Holmes and investigate him! I brought her out here and she came inside and I don’t know what happened after that, but then she came out and the police were everywhere and they found me, and then… and then… don’t arrest me! I dun-dun wanna go to brison!” Twilight started crying again and hugged her mother tight.

Twilight Velvet’s expression softened and she held her daughter as she cried. She looked at Night Light, who still remained very tight-lipped. Clever Plot still glared down at the filly.

“From an older pony, I would take that as an admission of guilt and she would be locked up. From a filly her age, I don’t know what it means, but it’s very near to making her the guilty party. How old is your daughter?”

“She’s almost five,” Night Light said.

“Has she ever expressed any sort of… malicious intent? Toward animals or siblings?”

“Never!” Twilight Velvet said.

“Well… not that we know of,” Night Light admitted.

“Night Light!”

“I’m simply saying that we haven’t seen her do it!”

“So, you would believe the detective over your own daughter?”

“Twilight admitted she came out to the police station because her doll told her to! This only a month after she was expressing an interest in magically animated constructs! It is entirely possible she has been testing the magic on all that clay we got her for sculpting.”

“Why would she do that? What reason could she possibly have for doing that?!” Twilight Velvet was raising her voice as she spoke.

“Because she in incredibly intelligent for her age, but still lacks experience! She doesn’t understand right from wrong, yet!”

“How dare you! You think your own daughter doesn’t understand?”

“She’s four! She just wants to try everything!”

Clever Plot stepped in between the two of them, putting a hoof out toward Night Light. “Folks, please, shut up! This is the police station and neither the time nor the place to argue!” He turned toward Twilight Velvet and pointed his hoof at her. “I will tell you what is going to happen, judging from what you and your husband have admitted, and your daughter’s admission herself, I will be keeping the doll here at the station. It is now evidence. You will take your daughter home with you and treat her well, but you will keep an eye on her! I will take your information and speak to you both at a later date. Understood?”

Twilight Velvet cuddled her daughter close and turned away from Clever Plot to shield her, but she nodded.

“And you, sir. I would speak with you now, if I could, but I will let you go home with your wife and daughter if you wish. Either way, please ask your daughter to give me the doll. It needs to be tested for magic.”

Night Light sighed and looked at Twilight Velvet. She glared back at him and he looked back at the detective. “I can speak to you now. I should give my wife time to put Twilight to bed.” He looked at his wife and smiled. “We can talk later, honey. Alright?”

Twilight Velvet inhaled deep, closed her eyes, and let out her breath slowly. “Alright. I will see you when you get home.”

Twilight protested when Twilight Velvet tried to take away Smarty Pants, but after some quiet reassurance, she let her go, and Clever Plot passed Smarty Pants off to another officer.

“Take this to Flugel in the back. I’ll send instructions later. Just record it and get it labeled and send me the info.” The pony nodded, grabbed it in his magic, and walked away.

Twilight Velvet stood up and left, carrying Twilight on her back, leaving Night Light and Clever Plot alone, chatting as they walked to Clever Plot’s office.

Smarty Pants watched from the officer’s magical grip, expressionless face remaining neutral… for now. She knew they were heading to Clever Plot’s office, and she remembered where that was, but getting away from this officer might be troublesome. She couldn’t let them run any tests, because they would certainly find something. They might even be able to identify the spell, because most were recorded in the Canterlot library. If they knew the spell, and figured out who she really was, they could remove it, and then she would effectively be dead. That simply wouldn’t do.

She was carried into a room filled with boxes and bags in lines on a series of shelves. They all appeared to be labeled, which meant this was probably the evidence room, or the seized objects. She was taken to a table and tossed onto it. Another pony came over and looked down at her.

“What is zis?” the mare asked.

“This is a recent piece of evidence. Clever will want the info when you’re done labeling it.”

“Azz you wish.”

Hoofsteps retreated, and Smarty Pants was left alone with the unicorn mare. She picked up Smarty Pants, turned her around to examine her, then grunted in annoyance and slapped a sticker on Smarty Pant’s face over her eyes, then tossed her on a shelf.

And Ends with Death

Smarty Pants couldn’t see anything so she lay there for a while, unmoving. She listened to the hoofsteps walk about the room, going back and forth. She heard a quill moving on parchment for a moment, then the hoofsteps moved elsewhere. Smarty Pants reached up to remove the sticker on her face, but the hoofsteps came back and she flopped back down, waiting to hear what would happen.

The pony muttered something to herself and slammed something onto the table, then wandered away again. Smarty waited a moment, and the mare, (who she assumed must be Flugel) began rummaging through things on another shelf somewhere. Smarty Pants took that opportunity to sit up and tore the sticker off her eyes.. Now that she was free of everypony else, she could actually have a good long look at the room she had been dumped into.

It wasn’t a particularly large room. There were shelves lining the walls and a large door at one end. There was a table near the shelf Smarty Pants had been tossed onto, and on it was a large… thing. It looked like a bust of somepony, but it wasn’t recognizable as anypony she knew. It was misshapen and looked to be stylized somehow so as to be an “artsy” kind of bust. Just the kind of thing Smarty Pants hated.

The pony in the room with her was looking at the shelves on the far side of the room. She was muttering to herself in her strange accent. Likely complaining about her job. She picked something off the shelf that looked like a unicorn horn, made of the same brown material as the rest of the bust on the table, and turned around. Smarty Pants dropped limp to the shelf, and waited. She came back to the table, and there was the squeak of metal on stone, and then a light *clack*, of something small being put down.

There wasn’t any sound for a few seconds, then the mare began humming a tune. Smarty Pants risked lifting her stuffed head off the shelf, and looked down.

The mare was singing to herself as she was working. She picked the objects up off the table and was examining them using her magic. Smarty Pants didn’t know what she was looking for, but she was busy, and that was enough.

Smarty Pants stood up and moved along her shelf. The mare wasn’t quite facing her, but she would rather try to drop to the ground behind her rather than anywhere she could see. She also needed something she could use for a weapon if she was going to get out of here and to Clever Plot’s office.

The mare hadn’t turned around to look, and her ears were facing forward, so Smarty Pants scurried faster along the shelf, looking for something good to use against the guardian of the room.

She found nothing on her own shelf, so she stuck her head out and looked down along the lower one. There was only one more shelf between her and the floor. There were more above, but she would need the stepladder across the room to access them. Or magic. She couldn’t really get either one.

Without anything helpful nearby, she swung off her shelf and dropped to the lower one. She looked around and finally found something good she could use: a knife.

It was just a small pocket knife, but it would be enough. She had the element of surprise, and as long as the blade was sharp, it would cut through flesh given enough force. She picked it up and with some difficulty unfolded it. There was a *snap* as the blade locked into place, and she jumped behind some ugly pnome statuette with crusted blood on the tip of his ugly, pointed hat.

The mare’s chair scooted back and she walked over to the corner. She stopped in front of the shelves and looked over them, leaning left and right.

“Vat iz noize?”

She looked over the shelves in sequence, items sliding left and right as she investigated with far more zeal than Smarty Pants was comfortable with. She even leaned down and began shoving things left and right until she came to the spot where the knife had sat. She stopped and took a breath, and Smarty Pants’ woolen blood went cold.

Smarty Pants leaped out of her hiding spot behind the pnome and jumped at the mare, knife extended and aimed at her eyes. Unfortunately for her, she was pulling back slower than Smarty Pants was leaping, and the knife sank into one of her eyes. Blood spilled out of her eye and spread over the handle, staining Smarty Pants’ soft hooves. She whipped the knife out sideways, extending the cut, then landed underneath her victim. She scurried behind her and began climbing her back leg.

The mare screamed in pain and put a hoof to her eye. She extended a shield around herself as police officers are trained to do on reflex, but Smarty Pants was too small, and fit neatly inside it, unaffected.

Smarty Pants took her knife and drew it along the back of the mare’s leg, and held on when it buckled and she fell to the floor. She gave her no time to recover, and crawled along her torso and up to her neck. The mare was in pain, confused, and barely lifted a hoof to try to stop her when Smarty Pants reached her neck and sliced along it, spilling her blood and turning her screams of pain into uncomfortable gurgling. She choked on blood as Smarty Pants watched, and when her shield dropped, Smarty Pants went to hide next to the door out of the room. Somepony would be coming soon.

Smarty Pants tried to control her breathing, her woolen chest rising and falling, then realized she didn’t need to breathe. She thought about it, and stopped entirely. She smiled a wicked smile, and pressed her back against the wall, utterly silent.

Sure enough, not long after Smarty Pants had slit the mare’s throat, she heard hoofsteps approaching the door. It opened and another mare looked inside the room. She already had her shield up, which meant she had heard the screams of pain. Smarty Pants couldn’t kill her, but she could at least sneak past her.

The mare’s horn was lit and she was looking left and right. She didn’t seem fazed by the dead body on the floor, and was instead searching for the perpetrator, an utter professional. There was a flurry of activity past her, with ponies still rushing about. Smarty Pants could hear their hooves clattering along the floor.

The mare walked in further, and Smarty Pants shifted closer to the doorjamb and peeked out from behind it. No sooner had she looked than she pulled her head back in and pressed up against the wall. There was a pony flanking her, hidden around the corner with her horn at the ready. Smarty Pants would be seen if she went out now. She might be a doll, but magical constructs weren’t uncommon, and she’d be blasted just as quickly as a pony might be.

Smarty Pants waited, letting the mare enter all the way in. She spun around, surveying the room. Smarty Pants hid behind a minotaur skull, letting her make the sweep. She motioned out the door to her partner, who came inside the room, maintaining a presence just inside the door.

“You think it’s teleportation?”

“It’s gotta be. Got inside the room, killed Flugel, and then left. Is anything missing?”

“Haven’t checked yet. Room looks secure. Nopony inside. Not sure where they’d hide.”

“Pretty sure Flugel’s dead, so make a sweep for errant spells.”

“Keep watch for me.”

Smarty Pants took that as her cue to leave. She held tight to the knife and slipped out of the room pressed up against the wall. She barely missed the mare’s shield bubble, but she got out, and trotted swiftly down the hall.

It wasn’t difficult traversing the hallways now that she knew them. Being as small as she was she could just hide behind the objects again. Nopony was looking for anything as small as her, which made it easy to get from place to place. Most of the offices were open as well, as everypony was trying to find the pony that had infiltrated the station.

“Block all the exits! Get Show Stopper to set up a barrier around the station! I don’t want anypony teleporting in or out!” somepony shouted.

Smarty Pants didn’t need to worry about that, as she would just be walking out of here when it was done. She hadn’t even been able to teleport when she was still a unicorn. That kind of power was rare. Right now, she didn’t need it. She would slip out a window or a vent when everypony had calmed down, but at the moment she had a mission: A date with a certain stallion who had left her bleeding on the ground a day ago. The stallion who was responsible for making her into a frumpy earth pony doll instead of a slim and attractive unicorn mare! Smarty Pants tightened her grip on her knife and hid behind the water cooler just outside Clever Plot’s office.

She couldn’t see everything going on inside, but the door was open and she could tell that Night Light was gone. He had probably been escorted out of the building the moment they had figured out somepony dangerous was still inside the building. Smarty Pants knew Clever Plot well enough after all their years of chasing each other to recognize he wasn’t stupid. He would have figured out he was the target and Flugel was just a casualty in the way. He probably wasn’t even in his office, favoring the safety in numbers. But Smarty Pants could wait. She could wait a long time.

When an opportunity presented itself, Smarty Pants dashed across the hall and into Clever Plot’s office. As she suspected, it was empty, but that would be fine. That’s all she needed. She didn’t need to eat, didn’t need to breathe, and didn’t have any pressing business. All she had was revenge to keep her going, and for now that was more than enough. She couldn’t cast the spell to get herself out of this stupid body, so if she was going to suffer, so would Clever Plot. She slipped behind the bookshelves, dragging the knife with her, and waited.

She waited while the commotion outside the office continued and officers ran back and forth, hustling and bustling about the station. She felt a spell being cast, but couldn’t tell what it was. Nopony came to search the office for anything, so she assumed her current form didn’t warrant investigation. Maybe they thought she was a rat or something, or her body didn’t register on the spell at all. She wasn’t exactly alive, just mobile. Either way, she thanked her lucky stars it didn’t work on her, and continued waiting.

Clever Plot eventually came back, but there was another pony with him, and so she stayed hidden, waiting while they did whatever work they had to do. She heard them leave together, and then the office remained empty for some time. If she had to guess, she would have said that they went home for the night to rest. But still she waited, patiently expecting him to return.

She was rewarded after some amount of hours when Clever Plot’s office door opened and the lights came on. He sat down at his desk, and she knew this was her moment. If night had passed, that meant it was morning, he was probably still groggy, and he thought the station was safe after they had cleared it last night. He was never going to be more vulnerable.

Smarty Pants peeked out from behind the shelves. Her body was squished, but her head came out and looked around the end at Clever Plot.

His back was facing her and the shelf. Despite the attack from behind with the letter-opener, he hadn’t moved anything. If the murder from last night did anything, it had made the station believe the perpetrator was able to teleport. She would bet bits on the station still being warded against teleportation, but that suited her just fine.

She watched him for a moment as he filled out paperwork. He was intent on it, and groaned as he leaned on one hoof, staring at a page and tapping the quill against the parchment. He was frustrated, bored, tired, and thoroughly exposed. There was no better time to attack!

Smarty Pants skittered out from behind the shelf, ran to the other side where Clever Plot’s back was facing, and started to climb the shelf once again. It was harder this time, because the knife was much heavier than the letter-opener.

She bumped the knife against the shelves once while climbing. She froze, looking over at Clever Plot, afraid he had heard her, but he gave no indication he had. He kept tapping at the page in front of him, scratching out some words now and again.

She made it to the top and weaved her way through the knick-knacks closer to Clever Plot’s back. She bumped a vase filled with wilting flowers with the knife when she got closer, and watched with dismay as it tottered back and forth. She almost reached out to steady it, but Clever Plot’s ears twitched and he started turning around. Smarty Pants looked frantically for a place to hide, then looked at the tottering vase, then down at Clever Plot. She made her decision, grabbed the knife in both hooves, and leaped off the shelf!

“Wha-?” Clever Plot’s eyes widened as the vase and Smarty Pants came down toward him. His horn lit reflexively and a shield came up, but he only caught the vase. It bounced off the shield, while Smarty Pants had already made it inside the radius of his protection spell.

Smarty Pants fell past her target of his neck and slashed into his torso instead. The knife bit deep, but it bounced off a rib and Smarty Pants felt the knife jerk as she fell to the floor. She picked herself up and ducked under the desk, not giving him any time to recover and retaliate. She swung the knife at his hooves, hoping to stop him from walking or running away. She mostly caught hoof, but a bit of shin was cut, enough to make him limp.

Clever Plot held a hoof to his side and cried out in pain as he tried to follow Smarty Pants’ movements. Her ducking under the desk had lost him, and he stood up to move away when she slashed his hoof. He stumbled and fell backward, only to feel something crawling on top of him.

Smarty Pants had been unwilling to let him get away and get her outside the shield he had erected, so she’d stayed close, completely uncaring about her own safety. She slashed his thigh on the way up, opening the same artery that had killed her, then stabbed the knife into his gut.

“You’ve hit an artery, Clever Plot! Now who’s dying?” she crowed.

A blast of magic threw her across the room, causing her to lose her grip on the knife. It remained stuck in Clever Plot’s gut.

Clever Plot left the knife in. He didn’t want to pull it out and bleed more, he was doubled over in pain, blood pouring out of his wounds to splash on the floor. “I know that voice! Smart Shot?”

Smarty Pants pulled herself to standing and picked up a piece of glass from the shattered vase. “Hey there, Clever.”

“What in Equestria did you do to yourself?”

“I was dying. I had no choice, because you wouldn’t stop fucking chasing me!” She dashed at him and swung the shard of glass. It bounced off the shield, and he easily blasted her away again.

“Your crimes are your own fault, Smart. My job is to stop ponies like you.”

“Your job is also to not let ponies die! Should have let me fix myself instead of blasting me to death.”

Clever Plot shook his head and looked around for anything to bind his wounds. He grabbed his coat from its place on the hook by the door and pulled it over to himself, shredding it to pieces. “You’re crazy, Smart. You performed a crime, and you have to accept that consequences happen. You tried to hold somepony hostage, for Celestia’s sake!” Clever Plot magically opened the door to his office and shouted, “Help! Officer down!”

“Damn you, Clever. Too much of a coward to fight alone?” Smarty Pants picked up another piece of glass and charged at Clever Plot.

Clever Plot was sweating profusely and his magic was weakened, but the shield still held. Smarty Pants bounced off it again, and the sound of shouting outside the room could be heard. “You’re too weak now, Smart Shot. That body’s doing you no favors, and you can’t take on the rest of the station.” His breathing was wet and labored. She had likely punctured a lung with the first hit.

“Rrrrrah! It’s Smarty Pants, now! Smart, and wearing pants! And I can, and I will! You can’t even stand!” Smarty Pants picked up the glass a third time and charged at Clever Plot. She threw herself against the shield again, smacking the fragment of glass against it. Clever Plot didn’t blast her away this time, so she swung again, the shield crackling under her assault. She smiled, her knitted mouth turning up in a wicked grin.

Clever Plot’s eyes widened as he saw his shield crackle under her assault and tried to muster another shot, just to buy some time. His face twisted in pain as he tried to fire, but could not gather enough strength. In doing so, he pulled too much power from his shield, and Smarty Pants broke through, the magic shattering, then dissipating into aether.

Smarty Pants laughed and raced up Clever Plot’s body. She kicked the knife that was still stuck in his gut as she passed it. Clever Plot groaned and raised his hooves weakly to try and stop her. Smarty Pants didn’t have to worry about blood, or energy, or any of that. She was still running on full energy and no pain, despite having been blasted and shocked by the shield multiple times. Her hooves had been frayed on the shards of glass, and some stuffing was sticking out of her from a torn stitch, but she ran at full speed up to Clever Plot’s neck, stared gleefully into his eyes as he flailed weakly, and stabbed the glass into his throat.

Clever Plot gurgled and weakly grasped at the glass. Smarty Pants wiggled it, trying to slice along his throat, but couldn’t move the jagged chunk any further. She grunted, but stopped when she heard shouting coming from outside the room. The rest of the station was coming, and if they found her she would be ripped to pieces. That might kill her, but she didn’t want to be caught. She had to leave!

Smarty Pants left Clever Plot gurgling on the floor and looked around the room for somewhere to go. There was the door, but that was where all the other officers would be coming from and they would surely see her. The window wasn’t an option, as it was reinforced with bars. She wouldn’t be able to break the glass, and even if she could, she would rip herself to pieces crawling out of it. There was, however, a vent on the ceiling, to pass air throughout the building.

Smarty Pants climbed the shelves once more, grabbed the grating on the vent, and yanked with all her fluffy might. The grate squealed in protest for a moment before it popped off, and she dropped it onto Clever Plot’s corpse beneath her. He twitched, and it clattered to the ground next to him as the crowd of officers filed into the room, horns lit. Smarty Pants dove into the vent and padded along silently, her soft hooves not making a sound.

The chatter from behind her didn’t stop, however. They were yelling about how dead Clever Plot was, which pleased her greatly, but they found the grating she had dropped, and deduced where she had gone.

Behind her, the vent was shaken as unicorn magic yanked the vent out of the ceiling. Smarty Pants yelped as her path shook, but she kept her hoofing and galloped down the vent. She didn’t know where she would end up, but it had to lead outside somewhere. Vents didn’t ventilate the building into itself. That would defeat the purpose.

More of the vent behind her buckled and was torn out of the ceiling. She was well ahead of it, but if they were smart, they would eventually get ahead.

Sure enough, Smarty Pants saw the vent begin to buckle just ahead of her. She ran through it, down the bend and leaped forward as the vent was torn down, drywall and insulation raining down with it. She wasn’t sure if they had seen her or not, but that was too close for her comfort. There was a junction in the vents ahead, and the officers had the same thought she did. Before she even got to it, it started to rip out of the ceiling. It shook, and squealed, and Smarty Pants stopped, expecting it to tear.

“Celestia dammit, Book! Put your horn into it!” somepony yelled.

Smarty Pants went for it! If the pony yanking at this part of the vent was too weak, she wasn’t going to look him in mouth. She stumbled a little bit as she ran, but stopped at the junction. She was pleased to find that she could still sense moving air somewhat, and felt a breeze coming from the right, so she dashed down that way.

The vent was never ripped from the ceiling as she crossed it, and Smarty Pants thanked Nightmare Moon for her luck and chuckled to herself as she hit the grating. She could see outside into the snow-covered city, with the sun shining down at a steep angle. It was probably just before noon, meaning there would be a lot of ponies out and about, but she couldn’t wait here all day. She needed to get away.

Smarty Pants kicked the grate until it fell out of the wall, and flopped out into the snow. She burrowed into the fresh powder and dug her way away from the station. She could hear ponies swarming back and forth, the station in a tizzy as they looked for her. They probably hadn’t had a very good look, and their scanning spells were useless since she wasn’t alive. She chuckled and made her way back to the household she had been living in, and waited.

Later that day, Twilight came home from school, happy enough, but still rather subdued. She walked up to the front door and opened it, then slowly made her way upstairs. She opened up her bags to pull out her books for homework, and was surprised to see Smarty Pants, limp, covered in snow and a little bit of red stuff, but home!

“Smarty Pants! Welcome home!” Twilight hugged her friend tight. “But you’re a mess. Come on, I know how to clean and fix you up. I read it in a book!”

Twilight was smart, and with a little guidance, she’d be an incredible unicorn. Maybe even powerful enough to make Smarty Pants a new body. Smarty Pants smiled, and let herself get washed. This kid was going to be a prodigy one day, and if any unicorn could learn how to help her, it was this kid. She had nothing but time, after all.

The End.