Ah'm a poor, lonely cowpony
It was a calm afternoon in the country village of Daisy Town. Barely any guests were in the local saloon and the ones that were there kept to themselves. The bartender kept himself busy by cleaning glasses. He already had his fair share of bar brawls and certainly enjoyed the silence.
Suddenly the doors opened and the bartender felt the silence become tense. An earth pony mare slowly walked towards the bar. She had an orange coat under her brown poncho and a long blond mane tied into a ponytail, her actual pony tail also in a ponytail. Her face as well as the stetson on her head held several scars, showing that she’s seen some fights, and her pride in winning all of them.
“And what led you to this small town?”, the bartender cautiously asked.
“Ah’m searching for somepony.” She took one of the free bar stools.
This gave the bartender finally a good look at the cutie mark under the poncho. It showed three red apples.
“I heard of you. You’re quite infamous ‘round these parts. The legendary sharpshooter that supposedly shoots faster than their own shadow and never misses their target. The headhunter known as Applejack.”
Applejack didn’t react at that.
“Though I suppose you’re looking more like a Jacklyn–”
A gunshot sounded through the saloon. The few other pairs of eyes were now focused on the duo. The bartender himself stared at Applejack wide-eyed. Then his eyes slowly wandered into the direction of the smoking hole behind him. A few hairs fell off his mane. His eyes refocused on Applejack, or rather the smoking gun in her hooves.
“Do not dare to call me that,” she growled.
The bartender allowed himself to breathe again. He even went so far as to gulp.
“S-So about this pony you’re searching, what can you tell me about them?” he tried to change the subject.
A few moments passed before she put back her gun with a grunt. “Ah’m searching for a mare.” –The bartender tried not to react to this– “Her name’s Pinkamina.“
“Yes, she’s quite infamous around these parts, too. A wanted psychopath that deals in weird experiments. There are even rumors that she makes cupcakes out of living ponies. What do you want from her?”
“Ah’m pretty sure that with tha cupcakes is no more than a rumor. But ta answer yer question, ah have some… unfinished business with her.”
“Ohhhh… Now that sounds interesting and not ominous at all. Tell me more,” a third voice added themselves to their conversation.
Surprised Applejack turned to the stool beside her to see a new pony sitting there. She immediately recognized the pink coat, the straight mane in a slightly darker pink, the manic grin that showed just a bit too much teeth, –”Hi, Jacklyn!”– and that unfittingly cheery voice.
Applejack reacted in the best and most polite way she knew, pointing her gun at Pinkamina. “Any last words before ah’ll lead ya out of this town?”
“Yes, two. Smoke bomb!”
Suddenly the whole saloon was shrouded in smoke. The bartender heard the doors open, “Catch me if you can!” and he heard them close.
“Get back here!” He heard the doors open and close again.
The bartender sighed, “Next time payment in advance.”
After a long and annoying chase sequence Applejack finally managed to corner Pinkamina in an alley. The pink mare lied on her back while the orange markspony towered over her.
“I’ve used up all my tricks and you still were able to catch me, so tell me why you want me so much that you took all of this upon you?” Pinkamina announced dramatically.
“Ya know exactly the reason why,” Applejack replied.
“Yes, I do, but I want you to tell me, because that’s how exposition works,” Pinkamina answered (surprisingly) flatly.
A blush appeared on Applejack’s cheeks and she grumbled something unintelligible.
“I can’t hear youuuu,” Pinkamina mocked.
“Ya turned me into a girl!” Applejack repeated with a bigger blush.
“Oh yeah… That’s what I did… I completely forgot.”
“How could ya forget? Ah was once a proud and respected headhunter and then you came along and… tricked me inta eating your weird pie and suddenly ah had the body of a girl.”
“Alright, do what you want. I already told you I wasted all of my tricks. Give me your best shot!” She closed her eyes anticipating what was coming.
“Then ah’ll repay ya now for what you did to me!”
Applejack slowly leaned forward to prepare herself. She waited a few extra moments in case her opponent still had an ace up her (hopefully only) proverbial sleeves. Then she went in for the attack and… kissed her.
A long moment later their lips parted again.
“Eh, 7.8 out of 10, I expected more of you, Jacklyn,” Pinkamina said.
“Am ah not allowed ta properly thank ya for making ma wish come true,” Applejack answered… playfully.
“W-W-W-Wait a sec, Pinkie, just ta make sure ah understand everything right… So ah’m a male sharpshooter and yer a crazy psychopath that does these weird experiment stuff. And you turned me into a girl and ah want ta take revenge… except ah don’t and we’re actually a couple…”
“Yeah, because you always secretly wished to be a girl and I helped with that, so we fell in love.”
“And what was that Jacklyn-thing?”
“Oh, you only like it when I call you that and you always react aggressively to keep your ‘bad girl’-image. That’s also why we keep our relationship a secret. And because we enjoy the cat-and-mouse game.”
“...Alright, ah know ah promised you as a Hearth’s Warming gift ta do one of yer role plays, but why did this one go so weird?”
“Because I drew psychopath, sharpshooter and rule 63.”
“...Right…”
“If you don’t like it we can stop.”
“No, ah promised it and it makes you happy, so ah’ll do it. Ah just expected something more… grounded.”
“We can try something new.” She rummaged in her hair and pulled out three cards. “Tom, the FlimFlam brothers and a world-ending threat… nope, even I can’t work with that.” She threw the cards away and tried a second time. “Ohhhh, you’re an office worker and I’m a dragon and you saved my life, which is why I’m in love with you and work as your maid. How’s that?”
“... How about we finish this one first?”
“Alright, so where were we?”
Applejack and Pinkamina slowly walked side by side towards the sunset.
“You know, Jacklyn, I’m getting tired of this outlaw-business. I think I’ll settle down for a quiet and peaceful life,” Pinkamina yawned.
“Sounds nice. Maybe a little apple farm,” Applejack smiled in return.
The two didn’t even stop walking for their next kiss and continued their trek towards a new life.
“What would you say to some cupcakes?”
Author's Note
Eeyup, this is just for the contest, so don't take this seriously... like at all.
I know I've been very loose with my definition of Pinkamina, but how are you supposed to write a romance with someone that kills ponies to make cupcakes out of them (among other things)... At least none I feel comfortable writing
So... Merry Christmas... I guess...
I'm really sorry for everyone that read this. Something better is coming soon, I promise.
