Throughout her years of schooling, Sunset Shimmer had learned to expect the unexpected on finals week. That, at least, was one test-taking rule that applied to the real world, as students all too often saw the extravaganza of anxiety as an opportunity to make as much trouble as possible. Pre-finals week events could range from motion-activated plush snowmen singing “Deck the Halls” inside every girls’ bathroom stall to the Anon-a-Miss incident, something Sunset would’ve gladly undergone several snowman jump scares to avoid talking about.
Yet, when she walked into the library after school, she was greeted with a particularly unusual sight. Every single one of her friends, even Twilight, had hit several walls in their studying process, and all sang in perfect harmony:
“There’s nothing in the world like STRESSING PARK! Where you’re a part of the stressing!”
Just as Sunset cocked a single confused eyebrow, Pinkie jumped up from the table, still as hyper as ever in spite of her studies. Dash stood in a similar motion, only to have an invisible ‘microphone” pointed in her face.
“Canterlot’s own Stressing Park is getting ready for its biggest rush of the year!” Pinkie shouted, paying no heed to the multiple “shhhh” signs scattered throughout the library. “Ms. Rainbow Dash, as the owner of this fair establishment, what can you tell us about your new attractions?”
“As always, Ms. Pinkie Pie, our park has a different approach. Some theme parks give you an adrenaline rush, but we give you a shot of bone-crushing anxiety! Think you can get away from it all? Think again! We pride ourselves in making sure you recite every physics equation you know on our rides and waiting for the one moment you slip up. For our newest attraction, we’ll give you last year’s ACT, and if you can complete it in two hours as we blast you with cold water every thirty seconds in twenty degree weather, we’ll give you free admission. Guaranteed!”
From there, all six of the girls sang, “There’s nothing in the world like Stressing Park” yet again, and the strange event ended just about as quickly as it began.
Little did Sunset know that development was only the tip of the Hearth’s Warming iceberg…
****
It took her a few minutes to gain her bearings, but once she did, the group was finally back to productive studying. Granted, the explanation for their shenanigans had taken at least five minutes to tell, but it was certainly five minutes well spent, as it always was with her friends’ weird stories.
“Pinkie and I were studying at AJ’s house while you were at work last night,” Dash began. With a chuckle, she added, “It was busy as always there. Anyway, her cuz is staying over there for Hearth’s Warming, and I figured I’d get to know her a bit. Part ‘cause she seemed awesome, and part ‘cause I wanted to procrastinate as much as possible. Turns out, I was right on both, as always.”
As much as Sunset hated to admit it, Rainbow was right. Applejack’s cousin Babs had only transferred to CHS a few months ago, and as soon as word got out that she’d come from a particularly rough part of Manehattan, rumors about her adventures ran throughout the campus. In Sunset’s opinion, most of the students had missed the point--once they got to know each other, she found out the girl had had a pretty terrible life there. But, if it got the school talking about a former bully and convinced it to give her a second chance, it was good by her.
“She was staying over to study, too, and it got pretty late. Just late enough to play the official Surf Wikipedia on Finals Week game.”
Sunset winced. Frankly, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d stayed up late enough to justify that, as she’d wisened up by the time sophomore year hit. Still, she knew the toll it could take on students, and how it was often an early-stage sign of that terrible ailment called sleep deprivation.
“This is getting us absolutely nowhere, but fine,” Sunset muttered. “I’ll bite. Was it the one where you see if you can get to King Sombra’s article in less than five clicks?”
“That baby’s for amateurs. I’ve gotten it in one by freshman year.”
On King Sombra’s own article, Sunset almost snarked.
“Anyway, I was about to click on one about the history of Chuck E. Cheese’s--because I had nothing better to do, I guess--but then Babs tells us we should look up this one amusement park in New Jersneigh, Action Park or whatever. At first, I was gonna laugh at how weird that was, with her accent and everything, but it turns out this park is an absolute deathtrap. Seriously, it had a waterslide with a loop-de-loop, and people could only ride it for a month because they kept getting stuck. You can even make the go-karts go fifty miles an hour if you stuff a tennis ball up the right pipe!”
With a contented sigh, Rainbow finished, “I read that thing for hours. And if that wasn’t great enough for you, Babs even told me she scarred herself from going too fast on the alpine slide last summer. She was just ridin’ this sled down a mountain, slammed on the speed, turned, and boom. Straight off the tracks. It was the only scar she talked about.”
“Seriously,” Pinkie whispered, “we were about to ask her where she got the rest, but Applejack looked like she was about to kill us.”
Pinkie pantomimed Applejack’s extremely angry face, and Applejack responded with an equally eerie glare.
“She was under no obligation to answer that, and you know it!” Applejack shouted, again not noticing she was in a library. “Ya don’t just ask traumatized people how they got their scars!”
Considering the battle was between an uptight, overprotective older cousin and someone who often had no concept of personal privacy, Sunset really wasn’t sure whose side to take. She went back to her books--something she should’ve done in the first place, really--and tuned them out. She’d certainly studied in louder places, after all.
At some point, however, the noise soon came to the attention of the school administration, which in turn brought a very particular fact to Sunset’s attention.
All it took was Vice Principal Luna sashaying in, and the room came to a complete standstill. For most of her life, Sunset had always assumed that happened because of the authority she held, the student’s primal fear of punishment. Yet the silence came just the same, and other than a dreamy “I want to go to Action Park” from Rainbow Dash, not a single word was spoken.
Vice Principal Luna stooped down to the girls’ table, examined each one carefully to ensure there wasn’t going to be any more trouble, and smiled that blissfully content “it’s Friday and I’m almost free” smile. More important than that, though, her eyes shone. Sunset had heard about people having a twinkle in their eye, but damn.
Even after Luna averted her gaze, Sunset still couldn’t bring herself to look away. Not even when the vice principal mentioned that the library was closing, or when she told them all to have a good weekend.
This was the single most messed-up thing in the world, Sunset told herself. No Finals Week hijink came remotely close to this. Just the thought of it sickened her, but it was something she couldn’t deny.
Underneath all that strictness, she’s actually kinda pretty. Especially those eyes…
****
Sunset had hoped that her weird feelings towards her vice principal would fade with the weekend, but come Monday afternoon, they were still there. The entire morning, she’d gotten particularly giddy whenever Luna went by, and her body was overcome with awe. As usual, she’d stare at Luna for a few seconds--probably a few minutes, but Sunset really would prefer not to think about that--and make random conversation while doing so.
This experiment confirmed what she knew all along--whenever she looked away to eye Luna’s hair or hips, Sunset felt nothing but the disgust of a student looking at an authority figure in all the wrong places. When she made eye contact, she just about lost all reason. Like Medusa herself, Luna was able to turn people to stone with the shortest glance.
Except Luna’s eyes were far, far, far more gorgeous. So gorgeous, in fact, that when Sunset finally brought herself to confess her awkward situation to her friends, Rarity simply nodded in understanding.
“They are quite the lovely shade of blue. Some people tell me my eyes look like hers, but somehow, when I look in the mirror, they just can’t compare. I almost wish mine were a shade lighter so people could admire them that much.”
Sunset nearly dropped her sandwich in shock, only for Rainbow Dash’s amazing reflexes to come in at precisely the right time. She then dedicated a few seconds to thanking Dash and the rest to figuring out just what the hell was going on.
“Wait,” she muttered, “so I’m not the only one who’s noticed this?”
“Why do you think everyone always looks her in the eye?” Rarity replied. “As much as I’d love to believe it was common courtesy, I know for a fact that Vice Principal Luna has the most beautiful eyes in school. Twilight has the surveys to prove it.”
Sure enough, Twilight had not only come across a popularity poll from years ago, but she’d also found the time to chart it as if it were actual scientific research. Even though it specified that only students were allowed to be nominated, Vice Principal Luna had somehow still beaten Fluttershy to first place--by 250 votes, at that. Before today, Sunset hadn’t even known that many students went to CHS.
She gave a cursory glance to the rest of the data--noticing Twilight had made little hearts next to “Best Hair: Sunset Shimmer”--before carefully placing it onto the cafeteria table.
“If all this is true, then why am I only noticing now?”
At this point in the conversation, Rarity and Twilight were just about the only people still listening. Pinkie intently flipped through Twilight’s spreadsheet of beautiful students (and one inexplicably beautiful vice principal), Fluttershy patiently waited for Pinkie to pass her the list, and Applejack shoveled spoonful after spoonful into her mouth as she realized lunch period would end in a matter of minutes. Just like before, the room went quiet for a few moments, and all Sunset could hear was a quiet “there’s nothing in the world like Action Park” from Dash.
After she cracked her weakness for Luna’s eyes, Sunset figured Rainbow’s obsession with Action Park would have to be the second thing to go, for the sake of her and everyone else’s sanity.
“Eyes are fickle things,” Rarity continued. “Any number of wardrobe changes could bring them out or dull their power. Every fashionista in the world says that coordinating your clothes to your eye color is the best way to do it. But Luna didn’t happen to be wearing anything blue that day, and I highly doubt there’s any dye in the world that can replicate that gorgeous turquoise shade.”
The more Sunset thought about it, the creepier Rarity’s secret obsession got. Had there been a single moment in her high school life when she hadn’t thought of her vice principal like that? And if there wasn’t, how could she have hid it for so long? If Rarity had been just a tad less vigilant, the old Sunset could’ve easily spread that rumor all through the school. And yet, scarily enough, it probably wouldn’t have made a dent in her reputation, if the rest of CHS was any indication.
“Her eyeshadow always matches her outfit, though.”
Sunset could’ve smacked herself upside the head for saying something like that. She’d always prided herself on not getting into these sorts of girly talks, and yet here she was, already taking note of her authorities’ daily makeup rituals. How had she spiraled so low over the weekend, especially when she’d already finished most of her studying by then?
In response to her comment, Rarity merely winced.
“Always. And it’s always terrible. As beautiful as her eyes are, I still can’t stand to look at it. I swear, she’s the only reason that awful color hasn’t been taken off the market.”
“Agreed,” replied Rainbow Dash before going back to her lunch. The soccer star stared at her tray as if the world itself depended on it, and as if no one else at the table could see how hard she was blushing.
Good to see at least two of us are on the same page here, Sunset thought to herself before preparing herself to be shocked yet again.
“Why doesn’t she ever try smokey eyeshadow?” Fluttershy piped in. “A lot of women her age look good in it, or so I’ve been told.”
Sunset was just about to vacate the premises and take matters into her own hands when she noticed that Rarity had a particularly aghast look in her eyes.
“Don’t even say such a thing!” she shouted. “She’s already powerful enough with terrible eyeshadow, so who knows what would happen if she picked makeup that complimented her eyes like that? I’ll tell you what would happen: she’d be absolutely irresistable, and not in the good vice principal way. I daresay it’d be the greatest threat to CHS since the Sirens themselves!”
The image of Luna taking over the school, overthrowing Principal Celestia, and entrancing people with siren magic was at once hilarious and terrifying, no matter how much good silvery eyeshadow would do for her. The minute Rarity spoke these words, Sunset knew exactly what she had to do.
If her plan turned out as successful as she knew it would, no one would notice she was gone. Not a single soul.
All she heard in the distance was Twilight asking if that made Luna’s terrible eyeshadow a power limiter, and Sunset was off to complete her quest. She could only hope that doing so would make everything normal again.
****
In hindsight, Sunset vastly overestimated just how “normal” things could be at CHS. When she thought about it, that was only the first crack in her plan.
Her second had been the fact that the only plan she had was to storm into Vice Principal Luna’s office, tell her she had pretty eyes, and leave before anything got too awkward.
Sure enough, the first two steps had gone without a hitch. It turned out that Luna was still on her lunch break and therefore still in her office. Granted, the “storming in” thing didn’t go quite as planned--reformation could give you a killer knocking instinct--but other than that, nothing else seemed to go awry.
That was, until the magnitude of what she was doing finally caught up with her. The very second she let the words flow out of her mouth, she realized the very act of complimenting her vice principal always made things awkward.
“Pardon me?” Vice Principal Luna finally asked after several seconds of confused hesitation. “If this is one of your Finals Week pranks, I’ve been doing this twenty-five years too long to fall for it.”
Sunset wanted to shout that there was no way Luna could be in her fifties and still look that young, but she wisely kept her mouth shut and repeated the statement, a bit more embarrassedly this time.
“I mean it. You...have really pretty eyes.”
“You mean this in a completely non-romantic context? Because, if not, I’m completely prepared to read you the legislation against teacher-student relationships and--”
Judging from how wildly Sunset shook her head and the sheer number of times she managed to say the word “nope” in sixty seconds, Vice Principal Luna finally cracked a slight smile.
And with it, the words that rocked the reformed student’s mind for months to come.
“Thanks.”
“Thanks?!” Sunset repeated, her hands flying into the wildest gestures either of them had ever seen. “Your student says you have pretty eyes, and that’s all you say? Thanks?!”
For once, Luna was the confused one in the scenario, but she shrugged it off within seconds and let out the tiniest giggle.
“I mean it. I got new contacts last week, and not one person in this entire school told me how they looked. You might find it hard to believe, but I can be pretty self-conscious at times. Hearing it from a student is awkward, I admit, but it’s certainly better than going all week thinking they look terrible.”
As if Luna’s reaction wasn’t already strange enough, somehow it’d never occurred to Sunset that Vice Principal Luna wore contacts. That, at least, explained one thing--the fact that the redhead had never seen eyes that vivid outside of an optician’s office. Whatever tiny color change had happened between this month and last had been just enough to get Sunset to notice. Yet even now, one question remained unanswered.
It would be an awkward one, but considering today’s events, awkwardness would just have to be something to get used to.
“So if you’ve worn colored contacts all this time,” Sunset finally asked, “what color are your eyes?”
“A color no student deserves to see,” Luna said remorsefully. “Anyway, I believe your lunch break ended just now. Mind if I write you a pass for your next class?”
And that, finally, had been the end of Sunset Shimmer’s obsession. Not simply because she knew Vice Principal Luna’s secret, but because of a far greater, far more fatal mistake.
Luna winked as a small object popped out of her left retina, and as her eyes met Sunset’s, their beauty left as soon as it had arrived.
One was its gorgeously artificial self. The other was the flashiest shade of ‘80s orange Sunset had ever seen.
Author's Note
This fic was born out of four things: my excitement at not having to take any finals, my love for silly teenage dialogue, a two-hour pilgrimage to the Action Park Wikipedia article, and most importantly, my own awkward teenage experiences. While not quite as ridiculous as this, my junior high vice principal did have a very nice pair of contacts, and I figured I could get a good humor story out of it.
Also, now I'm tempted to write "Principal Celestia Has a Nice Smile" and "Dean Cadance Has a Cute Laugh," because of course.
