Into the Veil (New Misadventures of DJ)

by Solid Poison

Rating: mature
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Nightmare Moon, Romance, Sex, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Narcotics, Princess Luna
Length: 42113

My wonderful life on Earth is interupted by a chaotic force that pulls me away from what I love...Quite possibly forever

I had a good job. I had a big house. I had a nice car. I had plenty of friends including those of the opposite sex. I had literally anything a guy could ever want, save for the woman of his dreams. Just before I was able to admit my feeling to that woman a chaotic force pulls me out of my life and places me in a new world of nonsense called Equestria.

There are obnoxiously colorful talking ponies there that seem to think I'm an Urban legend... although they claim I look better than said legend.

If this isn't a dream.... Let's just say yah boy DJ's gonna be pissed.

This is a retelling of my old Misadventures of DJ because looking back at it it's not that great in my eyes.

Sex tag is for any raunchy activity that transpires later. Don't expect full on lemons from me unless I get bored one day. No promises.

Published 2017-12-15 04:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2018-06-05 14:24:57 UTC

-2- Slipping through

"Man it's been a while..." I say out loud to myself, as I trudge along a path in Kelly's private land. She owns a couple acres around her house just outside of the city limits, So she lets me come up here to shoot sometimes. The regular shooting range is alright, but sometime the rules can be a bit strict. Not that I blame them though, guns aren't toys after all. But I gotta say, blowing up watermelons is a lot more interesting than shooting a piece of paper with some asshole’s Shadow.

Thankfully, I do actually get cellphone reception out here, so after I settle into a spot I can use my hotspot to catch up on some work. Heh. Look at me...A fuckin city kid. I came all the way out here just to do what i usually do at home? No! I have to take in my surroundings and enjoy the beauty of nature! Or something... Eh... stop lying to yourself DJ, you know you came here to destroy things.

'Hell Yeah like that destruction last nig-’

HEY. CLASSIFIED.

'Oh. Didn't get the memo.’

We don't talk about the wonderful events of last night...Or the fact that I still haven't told Kelly how I feel yet.

'Wuss’

We have the whole weekend!

‘But only a few more hours till Mike and Austin come and I'm betting you aren't going to confess In front of them…’

Fuck.

…

FUCK!

Gotta meet up with Kell already! she came out here an hour earlier to set up some targets for us.
I shake my head and chuckle to myself, continuing down the trail with A Twig snapping nearby alerts me, making me look around. After seeing nothing for a few seconds I shrug and continue on my way. There aren't any large dangerous predators to worry about in this area anyway...

I think...

...

Do spiders count?

I continue to walk calmly until I hear a loud thump come from behind me. I quickly turn in time to see a large figure dart into the woods.

Slowly backtracking a couple steps, I notice something horribly out of place. As far as I know the path I'm on right now is the only trail in this area, so this must be new. My eyes widen in horror when I realize something.

That path was not there a minute ago.

I sheepishly look down the new path, shivering slightly from a cold draft that came out of nowhere. Maybe that thing I just saw made the path? No...i would have at least heard the plants being crushed.

The woods in this area of the land were reasonably thick, so it's easy to get lost by going off the path. But what the hell man? Is it me, or is it darker down this path? Where did this even come from? Why am I still standing here with my thumb up my ass? Time to simplify things for myself.

Option 1: Continue on with my life and Ignore the author trying to advance the plot.

Option 2: See what went down the sketchy dark and mysterious path that appeared out of thin air.

Hmm...

This is exactly like one of those horror movies, I bet some assholes are screaming at a screen for me to keep walking or something. But... Let me be rational, I can always go back right? And even if I do meet something or someone dangerous, I am armed. I need to remember this isn't a story, just go see what's on the path and get on with my life, simple. I just hope whatever is planning to jump me likes the taste of lead.

"Left foot, Right foot..." I mumble, slowly Forcing myself to start walking down the mysterious path. As I walk further and further down I begin to think of how stupid it was that I was afraid of something like thi-

My spine seems to go numb as a cold breath on my neck makes my neck hair stand on edge.

My conscious is practically taunting me at this point, mentally shoving my words back into my throat. What do I do? It could be Kelly fucking with me, it could be my overactive imagination, it could be a serial killer, hell it could even be fucking Santa Claus in February or even some generic monster like slenderman!

Wait a second, he can't breathe on me without a mou-ugh... focus! what should I actually do? I could take off right now or I could look first, or do various combinations of those two things....screw it I'm going to be cliche, and probably get my throat cut for it anyway.

I slowly turn my head to look over my left shoulder, and I what I saw almost made me shit myself with enough force to go through the ground and end up in china. It was an extremely tall and thin feminine figure that seems to be made of a bunch of different animals and it had two menacing glowing yellow eyes with red-aaaaaaaand I'm running now!

'Congratulations idiot! You're going to die one of the worst ways possible! As a cliche horror movie protagonist! I'm sure you'll get your oscar in hell!'

I'm not going to bother turning around, because everyone knows that makes you run faster! I didn't hear anything behind me, which could be a good and bad sign. After I was running for awhile I glance over my shoulder to see nothing behind me. I slowed my running to a stop, before finally hunching over to take a breather. That's when I feel a familiar weight missing from my back.

Where the hell is my bag?

Searching around frantically for it, I eventually spot it a few meters in front of me, just laying in the middle of the path completely in the open. I took a nervous step toward it before scolding myself.

You idiot! It wants you to get the bag! Don't fucking do it! Just turn around and go back. Everything in there is replaceable. Yep, just turn around and Leave this creep fest behind- the fucking path is blocked. The path I was just sprinting down was now completely overgrown with thick spiky vines. Yep. A trap, What choice do I have? It's only forward now!

I reach into my pocket to retrieve my gun... Not that it'll do anything against whatever demon is out for my blood, regardless it makes me feel a tiny bit safer. If I get through this crap I'm going to get me a gun that fires holy crosses or something. I take what will probably be my last breath and walk over toward my bag.

As I got closer I start to feel this weird tingly sensation all over my body like I passed through an invisible barrier.

That's pretty high on the not good scale right?

An uncomfortable and intense burning sensation surfaces everywhere, like I'd just been teleported to the center of the sun. I let out a scream of agony as the ground suddenly got a lot closer. The pain seems to go away as suddenly as it came, but My stomach wrenches and I unfortunately spill all of its contents on the floor.

"Wonderful..." I mumble as I get off my knees and look up, I notice something alarming. Is it me, or did my surroundings just change? I'm still in forest...but everything from the trees, grass, hell even the time of day was different. The sun was now setting instead of being high in the sky, and the forest was easily two times as thick now. A million thoughts were flying through my head but all of them were being overshadowed by one.

I've colossally fucked up.

I smack my forehead and curse myself as I snatch my bag off the floor and continued to walk. Only God knows what kind of crazy voodoo I just set into motion! These trees... Kelly doesn't have them on her land. The grass... There was a bunch of it, but now there's just bare soil, and how the hell is it sunset?

Wait i said that already didn't I?

I look around in the sky where it seems every star in existence was popping out to be seen as the sun lowers rapidly. Why is the sun setting so damn fast? I watch as the moon quickly appears over the horizon and the stars shine like I've never seen them before. I stare in the sky, frozen in awe at its beauty until the centerpiece of the sky fills my vision.

Oh my god...

There was another planet in the distance, smaller than the Moon but still glowing brilliantly. This...what planet is that? Mars ain't blue and it shouldn't be that large! Now that I think about it...the Constellations... I don't recognize any of them! There's one that vaguely resembles a horse but no dippers, no Orion, no anything! The sky is alien for all I know! Wait...

What if it IS Alien?

I slowly raise my left hand to my face and give myself a firm smack.

Nope, still awake.

OK! I tripped on a Rock on that trail, and ended up in a coma. Yep let's go with that! This is a crazy coma induced dream! So there's absolutely nothing to-

I hear a faint growl come from behind me.

"Why is there always something behind me?" I mumble as I turn my head. There was what appeared to be a large... Wolf or dog or something. Made completely out of wood.

Yup this is happening.

I slowly turn around and raise my weapon, the creature growls and snarls at me loudly, narrowing its glowing green eyes on me. I was at a loss for what to do so I ended up just standing there idly.

"Make a move wood chips..." I mutter as I stare the thing down. It fakes me out a few times and claws at the air, gnashing its sharp teeth. I take a single step back and it takes one forward. I begin to sweat, as this stand off seems to have been going on forever. There was a dull thump behind me, next thing I know I'm blindsided by another wooden monster. Before I can react it slashed my left shoulder open with its sharp claws.

I shout in pain as I clench my teeth and clutch my wound tightly. Another one comes running toward me and I give it a firm kick in the face. To my surprise, its face basically explodes from the force of my kick. Wood Chunks from its head fall to the floor and turn into black smoke along with the rest of its body.

I should have known they weren't durable because they're made of wood! One of the two remaining wolfs charges at me and meets a similar fate. Despite their weakness, I'll be in some trouble if more show up, so time for a deterrent.

I take the safety off on my pistol and point it at the ground near the thing's feet and fire a warning shot. The loud report of my gun echoes throughout the forest and causes a ton of birds to fly off. I stumble back and clutch my ear with my hand, the last wolf whimpers and runs off into the woods with its tail branch between its legs. When it's out of sight I look back at my wound.

The fucker actually left a pretty deep gash, the blood seeping out of it soaked my white shirt. I think I have a first aid kit or something in this bag. I wince as I carefully remove the bag from my back. One of the straps was ripped, making me groan in annoyance. Before I could get my bag open I hear a earsplitting roar nearby.

Nope nope nope nope!

I throw the bag around my back and take off into the forest. I hear something roar again behind me making me assume I'm being chased...AGAIN! My ass must taste delicious or something .

I stumble across what appeared to be a path and I start running full speed, only stopping when I could no longer hear the roaring anymore. I breathe heavily, briefly stopping to rest, making sure to keep my head on a swivel. I lean on a nearby tree and groan in pain, the wound is starting to catch up to me, I've lost a lot of blood and the pain is really starting to surface now that my adrenaline is fading. At least now I can get my first aid kit from my bag.

...

Where the fuck is it?!

Great. I left my bag back there. I clutch my wound as tight as I can and sit there, practically waiting for death at this point. What the hell is happening anyway? This whole forest is trying to kill me, and As if to illustrate my point, the tree I was literally leaning against springs to life, a twisted and ugly face forming on the trunk and it's thick vines waving around like snakes. I tried to get up but it firmly grasps my thigh with a thick vine.

Was I a Dick to trees in a past life?

'I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.’

...

Oh god not like this.

As the thing pulled me in for the kill, the vine suddenly tightens and I feel barbs stick into my skin. I produce a non manly Yelp of pain, quickly fishing my knife out of my pocket. I cut myself loose with it and run back onto the trail away from the tree. I jog a few meters before pain returns, and like a solid brick wall it knocks me over. I hit the ground hard and my vision starts to blur severely. Not long after that I hear what sounds like steady footsteps. One last thought surfaces that destroyes what little of my mood was intact.

I'm going to miss Kelly. Alot.

I take one last breath before I black out.

-Canterlot Castle-

It was shift change for everypony in Canterlot, the Sun was down and Equestria was now bathing in moonlight. The Day guard essentially clocks out passing Their duties and allowing the Night guard to clock in. The Leadership switches as well. However, neither of the Princesses were on the throne, Instead they were in Celestia's tower, atop her balcony, one of the tallest on the building.

"We came as soon as we could." Luna says as she comes next to her sister who looks out over the peaceful kingdom with a troubled expression.

"So you felt it as well." Celestia says grimly without turning.

"Yes we did..." Luna replies quietly. The pair sits in silence for a few moments before they turn to each other simultaneously.

"We must keep everypony on alert." Celestia states as she looks down at her sister who was much shorter by comparison.

"Yes of course sister, but thy must rest. We shall handle the alert." Luna says, coming over and nudging her sisters side.

"Rest? I cannot rest when Equestria may be in danger..." Celestia starts to say.

"Which is why we shall investigate the disturbance ourself, and report back to thou mine findings. They may rest easy." Luna says. Celestia was about to protest but she couldn't overcome the deep yawn that interrupts her and punctuates Luna's suggestion.

"But sister." Celestia's ears Droop.

"Thou art exhausted from the day's activities. Rest sister. We shall station guards in Ponyville tonight." Luna says. Celestia takes a moment to think before yawning again.

"Very well...be careful little Lulu" Celestia says, as she nuzzles her little sister's cheek.

"Everything shall be alright. Whatever creature slipped through the veil hath little to no magical Aura." Luna smiles and looks confident.

"That doesn't mean it isn't dangerous. Your power reduced along with your stature." Celestia raises a brow and smiles as she rubs Luna's Head with her wing.

"Well in case thou hath forgotten, we art dangerous!" Luna's says confidently with a proud stance.

"Yes, but don't forget your other half still has most of the power after your purification." Celestia reminds with a giggle.

"Our other half shall join us in the investigation." Luna says, thinking of her taller dark counterpart.

“How is she by the way?” Celestia asks Curiously.

“Still adjusting to things. As are we... er as am I.” Luna tries to correct herself with the modern lingo.

"Very well, you two be careful." Celestia giggles.

"Alright. We shall start our investigation." Luna announces, spreading her wings.

"The Everfree forest is very vast, you may not find the creature." Celestia points out.

"It cannot run forever" Luna says with a determined look.

"Even so, it might slip by. I'll be visiting Ponyville tomorrow... In case whatever it is decides to cause trouble during the day." Celestia informs. Luna nods in agreement. The pair exchanges goodnights and Luna takes off into her beautiful night sky.

-Location...Fucked up fantasy woods-

I wake up feeling sick to my stomach, I let out a pained groan while slowly opening my eyes. When my vision starts to clear, I realize I'm no longer outside. I am in what appears to be a large primitive looking hut. There were some tribal masks hung up, as well as a bunch of multicolored jars filled with God knows what lining the various shelves. Then to top everything off, there is a huge ass iron pot in the center of the room.

Yep, I'm getting eaten by a witch.

I start to freak out at the possibilities, until I notice I was on a wooden table with a few cushions on it. I fearfully look at my shoulder and realize that it was actually bandaged up. It desperately needs changing though, because my recent excitement got my blood flowing again. I then start to calm down a bit, figuring maybe I won't get eaten since the owner has seemingly been taking care of me.

Speaking of the owner... The place is pretty empty, I wonder where he or she is? I Try to sit up and realize quickly that was a very bad idea. I have a head splitting headache, raising my hand to my forehead I feel a thick bandage wrapped tightly around it.

Ah... so it WAS a dream. I'm back in reality now...wait a second. Kelly wouldn't have someone living on her land like this. I crane my neck and take one look out of a nearby window, it shattered my frail hopes completely. That mysterious blue Alien planet is still there, which means I'm still on...Not Earth?

I hear a sound at the front door and my head snaps to it. Someone is coming in! I Pat my side where I usually keep my gun and realize it's not there, ditto on my knife. A loud metallic click and an eerie creak halt my breathing, as the front door slowly Swings open. I watch in horror as a dark hooded figure enters the room. My horror shifts to confusion when I realize the figure Isn't bipedal.

The short four legged figure closes the door and walks inside. My mind pretty much forgets the concept of reality as the figure removes its hood revealing what appears to be a zebra.

"I'm glad to finally see you awake, bringing you here has proved not to be a mistake." It says with a smile.

"..."

WHAT THE HELL?!

I watch silently as it walks over and sets down a basket full of an assortment of herbs. It starts to walk toward me but I scoot back, frozen in fear.

"There is nothing to fear, it was I that brought you here." It says in a female voice with a thick African accent.

"You...talk..." I say quietly as I scoot back further.

"I talk as well as I can walk." she says, coming a bit closer. I make the mistake of scooting back again and end up tumbling over the side of the table and hitting the floor with a painful grunt.

"Shit.." I mumble as I painfully push myself up until i'm standing, my legs shivering and shaking from the strain. I stare at the zebra with a look of complete horror.

"You haven't recovered enough to be standing, doing so is too demanding." The zebra says, taking another step toward me. I try to backpedal but my knees give out, making me fall onto my back. Talking zebras? Just what the fuck is going on here?!

"Stay back!" I shout as I scoot away from it. The zebra's smile fades, replaced by a look of deep concern. It did as i requested and didn't make anymore advances.

"Do not be alarmed, I mean you no harm." The Zebra assures. I sit there, my heart racing, and my breaths rapid. It's time to be rational here. If this thing wanted me dead...I would already be.

I start to take a few calming breaths and I raise my right arm to my forehead.

"Who are you?" I ask as I look over to the zebra again.

"My name is Zecora." She says simply.

"Zecora..." I repeat looking down slightly. The pain and wetness in my shoulder increases, forcing a sharp breath out of me.

"Your wound needs to be redressed, or soon you will have deep regret." Zecora says. I look how badly its bleeding and sigh, pushing myself up and back onto the table where Zecora comes next to me.

"Ouch..." I groan in pain.

"Creature of Fame, what is your name?" She asks as she moves over to one of her shelves and grabs what appears to be bandages with her teeth.

"It's Derrick or just DJ if you prefer." I answer sheepishly. She brings over the bandages, a small bottle of some unknown liquid and a small rag.

"Be alert that this may hurt." Zecora warns. I give her a worried glance.

"Alright do it." I say, mentally preparing myself for the pain. I tightly close my eyes as I feel the bandage being carefully unwrapped with a painful sting. When it's off, I see zecora lightly wet the cloth and start to clean my wound.

"This wound is too severe, it cannot be treated completely with what Is here." Zecora informs.

"How-ow....bad?" I ask with a loud grunt as she begins to put the strange substance on me. It smells and stings just like Alcohol so I can only assume that's what it is.

"Unfortunately according to what I see, stitches will be the LEAST of your worries." She says grimly.

"Great..." I mutter dryly as she begins to wrap the fresh bandage around me.

"This should hold for now until you go into town." She says as she goes to put her things away. I immediately sit up and give her a flat look.

"Woah woah hold up a minute.." I say rubbing the bandage on my forehead. Time to find out just what the fuck is going on here. Zecora gives me a curious look as she picks up the basket of herbs she brought.

"First of all Zecora... Where am I right now?" I ask calmly.

"You are in the land of Equestria, Ruled by Princess Celestia." she answers. I start to sweat and get this intense feeling of dread that makes my spine feel cold and my hair stand on edge. I probably started to look pale because zecora's friendly look morphes to concern once more.

"When you said Creature of fame, what did you mean?' I ask, my heartbeat picking up.

"Your race of humans is legend, now I'm seeing one face to face." She says. I notice that she's now cutting up some of those herbs and mixing them up in that large pot. I watch quietly as she pours in some other liquids and mixes them with a big spoon. Just what is going on? Talking Zebras? Equestria? Humans a legend? My brain hurts... Speaking of which.

"I didn't have this head injury before I passed out." I mutter.

"I found you like that, on the ground, face first, flat." She says.

"How long was I out?" I ask, carefully rubbing my forehead again.

"For 2 moons you were sleeping, since then I have been treating." She says as her mysterious concoction starts to bubble.

"2 days!?" I exclaim in shock. I rub my sore back and adjust my position. I've been out for two days? Kelly is probably freaked the fuck out.

"I didn't want you to bleed on my bed, so I put you here instead." She says, gesturing to the table I was sitting on.

"That's understandable. Heh, I slept like a rock anyway." I say with a light chuckle. Zecora actually laughs with me.

"So what unfortunate event has brought you present?" She asks.

"I have no idea. I was walking in the woods and there was this spooky path..." I trail off.

"Hm?" Zecora hums, looking up from the pot.

"Then...this really creepy monster chased me. Then I seemed to pass through some invisible barrier..." I mutter, shivering at the thought of it my skin crawls.

"Ah...here in the everfree, the monsters are plenty." Zecora says. She gets a small wooden bowl and pours the strange dark green concoction into a bowl. That's about when my curiosity finally peaked.

"What are you cooking up exactly anyway?" I finally ask.

"I'm using these herbs to brew, a very special stew." She says as she comes over to me with the bowl. I back away nervously.

"For who?" I ask.

"For you." She says with a warm smile. I look at it suspiciously as she kindly offers it to me.

"What does it do?" I ask, sniffing the unpleasant smelling liquid.

"It is for your gain, it gets rid of the pain" she says.

"Um...ok...thanks." I say, accepting the odd smelling bowl. I stare down at it with uncertainty, until pain shoots through my arm again. I take a deep breath and put my lips to the bowl. This is easy! Just chug it. I turned the bowl up and my tongue is met with a very neutral liquid, almost like water but a lot thicker. It doesn't take me long to finish the bowl and set it down next to me.

The stuff starts to work right away, the pain I felt in my arm, and my headache all start to slowly fade away.

"Wow, thanks Zecora!" I say with a cheerful smile. She smiles and nods at me as I can finally stand up and stretch. "So what's the name of this town you were talking about?" I ask as I slowly stretched my arm, free of the sharp pains.

"The town where ponies dwell is Ponyville I visit occasionally and it's quite swell" zecora smiles.

"Ponyville huh?" I say with a furrowed brow. Zecora nods and I look back to my injured arm. "And I can get this stitched up there right?" I ask, gesturing to my arm. She nods again and i smirk. "Well let's go then" I say. Zecora blinks in surprise and looks at me.

"So soon? Wouldn't you rather rest till noon?" She asks with concern.

"Nah, you said it yourself, I've been resting for 2 days now. I think I've had enough sleep." I say with a flat brow. Zecora sighs and starts to look around her house for something. Watching her search reminded me of something.

"Hey... Do you have my knife?" I ask as I Pat my side where it's kept.

"I have your knife, and that other device." She says, pulling out a sack from the corner of the room with her teeth. She brings it over to me and drops it into my waiting hands.

"Thanks." I carefully pull my knife out and examine it. I can see Zecora tense up slightly, so I give her a reassuring smile. "Heh, don't worry. I ain't gonna hurt ya. Especially since you saved me." I assure. When I flip it around my finger I almost cut myself. "I'm honestly more likely to hurt myself with it anyway." I add with an annoyed look as I put it away. Zecora giggles and seems to get some bag ready. I make sure my firearm is on safety, before carefully stowing it in my hidden holster. Zecora looks at me curiously.

"What does that do? It looks important To you." She asks, eying the bulge of my gun cautiously. I decide to be a bit vague so she doesn't freak out.

"It's nothing really... Just a little safety device." I say carefully. She tilts her head but eventually, She seems to accept my answer, putting her hood on and joining me at the door.

"We must move quietly to avoid the creatures reacting violently." Zecora Warns, slowly opening the door.

"Before we go to that town, I dropped my bag in the forest, can we go look for it?" I ask. Zecora takes a moment to think before nodding.

"Come." She says simply as she walk out into the forest. I follow her out as she closes the door behind us. After briefly looking around she starts walking in a seemingly random direction and I have no choice but to follow like a mindless sheep.

"How did you find me anyway?" I ask, ducking to avoid a low hanging tree branch.

"I heard a loud sound, when I came looking you were what I found." She explained.

"Oh. I um heard the sound too." I say with a nervous laugh. My gun probably woke up the whole damn forest! It didn't take too long for us to reach that familiar clearing where I passed out. Zecora stops in front of a patch of grass that was stained with my blood.

"Here on the ground is where you were found." She says.

"This isn't far from that..." I trail off when I see that tree that snagged me a couple feet in front of us. My blood runs cold and i freeze in place. "That tree tried to eat me." I say, sheepishly pointing at it. Zecora looks at me then back to the tree and starts to laugh. To my horror she starts heading right toward it. "Hey! Are you nuts?" I say as I reach out for her. She draws near and the tree comes to life again, its ugly contorted face popping out on the trunk and its revolting vines twisting and curling.

"Dammit!" I say as I grit my teeth and reach for my knife. Zecora just calmly pulls a small sack out of her bag and opens it up. She pours a tiny bit of white dust on her hoof and blows it at the tree. I watch in amazement as the tree produces a groaning sound, its face seemingly fading away and its vines retracting. I lower my hand from my sheathed knife and let it slap my side, as i stare at Zecora in amazement.

"That is a Venabi tree, its venom is what made you so sleepy." She says turning to me with a smirk.

"Huh. That white dust would have come in handy two days ago." I scratch the back of my head with a perplexed look.

"Powder from the Venabi repels most creatures in the everfree." She says, closing the sac and putting it back in her bag.

"Neat." I say as I look around. I eventually recognize the area and start to back track. "OK I ran this way...so my bag should be around here." I say as I start searching the ground. Zecora joins me in my search and eventually stumbles across something. She picks it up and brings it over to me in her mouth. I take it and a frown slowly graces my brow.

"This is the strap for my bag, it must have ripped off." I say, turning it over in my hands. I notice something else nearby and furrow my brow. I walk over to a large blue feather that seemed to glimmer in the morning light. I slowly kneel down and pick it up and examine it. The feather was fairly thick and insanely soft, like the softest feather I've ever felt.

"Weird..." I mumble as i turn the feather over. For some reason instead of discarding the feather, I instead slip it into my pocket. I stand back up with a grunt and turn back to Zecora, who seemed to be sniffing the ground. I watched for a few seconds and silently chuckled to myself. She actually looks kind of adorable doing that.

"I cannot find your bag, this is such a drag!" Zecora says in a sad tone, letting out A frustrated huff. I sigh and slowly shake my head.

"Its OK zecora. Somebody or something probably took off with it a while ago." I mutter hiding my disappointment.

"I'm sorry..." She says, what happens next kind of throws me off. Her ears fold back in her hood, and she gives me puppy eyes as she rubs her muzzle against my leg. My cheeks feel a bit warm as I lightly pat her.

"Hey it's alright, i can replace the stuff in that bag, it's not your fault anyway." I say calmly. "Let's just go to that town, so I can get stitched up. Then I can figure out how im supposed to go back to my world." I add with a warm smile. Zecora nods and starts to walk again and I follow. That was really adorable! Talking zebra or not. Hmm....there was always something I've wanted to know about zebras.

"Hey Zecora." I say, slowing my pace slightly.

"Hm?" She turns her head towards me.

"Are you black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?" I ask, a cheesy smile on my face. Zecora stops walking and shoots me an annoyed look. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.” I say with a chuckle. Zecora continues walking, shaking her head with a thin smile.

"You aren't the only one to ask me something just for fun." She says.

"Wait do I get an answer?" I ask hopefully. Zecora shakes her head and giggles.

"I want it to remain a mystery for you and everypony." She teases.

"Gah...I hate mysteries... A mystery is what brought me here in the first place." I say with a frown.

"I'm afraid this is a mystery I can't solve, perhaps we should get Twilight sparkle involved." Zecora says.

"Wait what?" I say with a surprised blink.

"Twilight sparkle can probably tell you, what strange event befell you." She explains as we come to a clearing.

"So after I get stitches, go find a pony named... Twilight sparkle?" I ask with a raised brow. Zecora confirms with a nod and I rub my chin. That's a weird name for a pony. Then again considering everything here seems to talk, that's probably low on the weird scale for this place. It was then that I look up and realize that we've been out of the forest for some time and we were now in a fairly large town.

The houses remind me of early colonial houses, they were primitive, wooden houses with straw roofs. So I wasn't surprised to see a complete lack of power lines or vehicles. We start to walk down what I assume was the street, which just seemed to be flat grass. It was then that I saw one of these ponies for the first time....or rather I think the appropriate term would be pegasus.

It has a long pink mane and tail with a striking yellow coat. I assumed by its figure that it was a girl. She didn't seem to notice us behind her as she hums, happily walking along. I clear my throat and she immediately freezes in place. Her ear twitches slightly as she slowly turns to us.

"Oh Hi Zecora I didn't see you the-" she starts to say in a kind tone before her eyes drift up to me. Her jaw completely on drops along with her ears and wings, her pupils turned to pinpricks as she starts to shiver.

"Um...h-" I begin with a smile. I hear the sound of rushing wind as I realize the pony was long gone, leaving a dusty version of herself behind. I deadpan and slowly turn to Zecora who gives me a sympathetic look.

"Do not worry, they used to have the same reaction to me." She says.

"Whatever you say Z." I mumble, as we continue walking. Talking pegasi, This would be so cool...if I was fucking 12 or something and a girl. I seriously can't wait to get out of this place, the sooner we find this "Twilight Sparkle" the better. Not long after that I see another colorful pony. This one was completely pink and she seemed to be hopping around rather than walking. When she notices me she lets out this long exaggerated gasp.

"Ooooooh what are you?!" She says excitedly as she hops over to me with a grin so large that it was basically hanging off her face. I take a careful step backwards and swallow my spit.

'This is highly disturbing’

Yeah no shit.

"I'm...DJ." I answer sheepishly, watching as She starts to happily hop circles around me.

"You're a DJ? Oh that's so cool! Do you know Vinyl scratch?" She asks quickly.

"No I don't know- hey what are you doing?" I say nervously as she grabs my arm.

"Woah, this is a weird foreleg..." She says in amazement as she examines it.

"It's an arm, not a foreleg, and let go!" I bark in annoyance as I try and pry her off my arm.

"I've never seen you before Mr DJ, so you must be new! And you know what that means?” She grins wide.

"Does it mean you let go of my arm?" I ask flatly.

"No silly! It means I have to throw you a welcome to Ponyville party!" She says excitedly, still tightly Clutching my arm.

"Party? I didn't come here for a damn party." I try to say, but like the yellow pegasus I was just talking to a pony shaped dust cloud. This time I turn to Zecora with a twitchy brow. She quietly snickers behind her hoof and I roll my eyes.

"I hate this place already, where's the hospital?" I ask, bringing a hand to my face. Zecora points deeper into the town and I sigh.

"It's going to be a long day." I mumble as I follow Zecora deeper into the town of talking technicolor ponies.

-Around the corner-

Twilight couldn't believe her eyes. She could have sworn to Celestia that they were malfunctioning. She did not just see a mythological creature walking with Zecora and being annoyed at Pinkie. Then she remembered that no one is immune to being annoyed by Pinkie.

She stay behind the house and watches as they walk, slowly being joined by a herd of curious ponies, who followed from a safe distance.

During Princess Celestia's short notice visit, she specifically told Twilight to alert her if she saw anything strange. She was pretty sure that a REAL living human qualified. She bolted off to find Spike as quickly as possible, the very fate of Ponyville and even all of Equestria depended on it.

-Canterlot Castle Throne Room-

In the Throne Room it was an average day for the Solar Princess. Signing and stamping endless waves of papers, Listening to annoying nobles and their petty complaints, and kindly greeting foreign dignitaries and new citizens alike, Just another day in the office. Even when She and Luna felt a disturbance in the veil, nothing particularly interesting has happened for 2 days now. There was however that strange bag that Luna and her other half located in the Forest. They still haven't decided if it's safe to open yet, so it's kept in the royal vault until they do.

She lets out a sigh as she sinks in her throne slightly. She probably would have dozed off right there if a letter didn't bounce off her muzzle. She smiles as she picks up a letter from Twilight. It always made her day to hear from her faithful student, Although it was a bit early for a friendship report. She opened the letter with curiosity adorning her face.

-Dear Princess Celestia,

Good morning! I'm not sure whether this is good or bad but, you told me to report anything strange to you immediately, so that's exactly what this letter is about! I'm pretty sure that seeing a living, breathing, mythological creature qualifies as something strange. Because I just saw what appeared to be a HUMAN, walking around Ponyville. It fits the description perfectly, Tall, upright, hands instead of forelegs, although I must say it isn't ugly like the books describe. The prospect of a real human, is both Terrifying and Exciting at the same time!

At any rate, I will definitely be investigating this further.

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.-

Celestia had to re-read the letter a few times to make sure she wasn't crazy. Her mind started to race as she started to write a reply to Twilight, telling her that she'll be there soon and to keep an eye on the human. After sending the response in record time, she immediately stands up and walks off her throne. She turns to the royal guard closest to her, and he snaps to attention.

"Tell everypony that day court is cancelled, and prepare my Chariot for immediate departure." Celestia orders, a determined and serious look on her face.

"Right away your highness." The guard says with a salute, Before sprinting off to Carry out her orders.

"And somepony wake my sister for me." She says before pausing "make sure she brings her other half as well" she adds, As she exits the throne room at a brisk pace. The day just got a lot more interesting, but as her student said she's not sure if that will prove to be a good or bad thing.

-Back in fucking candyland-

OK...this all got even weirder pretty damn fast. I really wish I hadn't bothered to look up in the sky, because there's a bunch of pegasi flying around and pushing clouds. I think I certainly could have gone through the day without knowing that. Oh and did I mention there's a huge floating town nearby that's made out of clouds and liquid rainbows? I didn't? Well...there's a huge floating town made of clouds and liquid Rainbows. Go figure.

There's also a fairly large crowd of ponies following behind Zecora and I, talking among themselves and watching me curiously. Another thing I noticed is the significant lack of sausage around here, there isn't a single guy in sight!

'Good! There will be no sharing..!'

Um....what?

'Nothin.'

"Pleeeeease tell me we're almost there Zecora." I beg, feeling a bit shy from all the attention.

"Across the town, the hospital is found." Zecora says, much to my dismay. My shoulders sag and I closely follow Zecora to our destination. The crowd of ponies seems to get louder by the second, making it hard to concentrate on anything.

"Oh my Gosh!" I hear one of them in the crowd screech. Next thing I know this light blue pony pushed her way past the crowd. I cringe as she gallops over to me.

"Oh wow! The rumors are true! A real, living breathing human!" The pony says, looking up at me with her adorable yellow irises.

"Jeez I just got here 10 minutes ago..." I mumble to myself making the pony gasp.

"Oh wow and he talks too!" She exclaims, smiling wider then what should be physically possible. Then out of nowhere there was this "squee" sound, I looked around cluelessly trying to figure out where the sound came from.

"Hi my name is Lyra! What's your name?" She asks as she steps in front of me.

"I'm DJ" I answer plainly as I try to step around her but she keeps moving to block my path, that huge smile still plastered across her face.

"That's a cool name! Just to make sure, you're a human right?" She asks.

"Yeah last time I checked, now if you'll excuse me..." I say, finally managing to scoot past her. She follows so close behind me that she was basically touching my leg.

"Wow! I'm like your biggest fan! Well not necessarily your biggest fan, more like humans in general, but you're a human so i guess that makes me your biggest fan anyway!" She says with a nervous giggle.

"That's great Lyra." I say uncaringly as I spot a building in the distance that looks alot like a hospital.

"I have so many questions! You look different from the humans in our books." She says, raising her brow.

"Yeah...maybe another time." I say with a grin as I lightly Pat her head. She closes her eyes and emits a happy hum. When my hand rubs across something hard my brow raises.

She's a unicorn.

'Just gets better and better...'

In fact, a good amount of ponies in that crowd are unicorns. Speaking of that crowd... They're getting on my last nerve now. So I clear my throat and speak up.

"Uh...go away or I'll...eat you or something." I say to the crowd. The entire crowd stops and scatters like a bunch of roaches. I chuckle to myself and turn to Zecora who's giving me a disappointed look.

"Hey it worked didn't it?" I say with a shrug.

"That statement you said, might bring you great dread." She says cryptically.

"So You're saying it Will backfire? Probably not, I would never eat one of you guys anyway." I say with a laugh. As we continue to walk. I glance around my shoulder and realize that Lyra is still sitting there with her eyes closed, blushing faintly with a bubbly smile. She eventually opened her eyes and realizes that we were walking away. Instead of running to catch up to us, she did something that made me question my already fleeting sanity.

Her horn started to glow briefly, followed by her body disappearing in a flash of light. She appeared in front of us again, wearing that creepy smile of hers. My jaw slowly drops as I stare at her in horror. She tilts her head and looks worried.

"Are you OK DJ?" She asks, taking a step toward me. I take a nervous step backwards and tremble.

"How the hell...what did you just do?" I ask shakingly.

"I teleported." She answers with a flat brow.

"How is that even possible?" I ask in horror.

"What? It's just a simple spell, most unicorns can do that." She answers casually, like it's the most normal thing in the world, raising an eyebrow.

"Magic..." I whisper quietly a bead of sweat running down my forehead. I really really REALLY hope this is all just some crazy dream. This is too much for me to comprehend, my headache is returning full force despite the pain killers. As we continue walking Lyra comes next to me.

"Everything alright?" She asks.

"No...not a damn thing is alright." I say in a dark tone. Lyra blinks in surprise, her ears smacking against her skull. She doesn't say anything after that, just quietly following next to me as we get close to the hospital. When we were right next to it I look up at it with a sigh. "Time to get stitched up..." I mutter with dread.

"I hope you are treated well, I bid you farewell." Zecora says, briefly glancing at me before walking away.

"OK thanks Zecora, see ya around..." I say with a wave. My eyes suddenly widen and I call out to her. "Hold up, where are you going?" I ask nervously.

"While your wounds are being stitched, I will locate Twilight sparkle really quick." She says, continuing to walk. My shoulders sag slightly as I realize what just happened. She left me here alone with my biggest fan... This is going to be wonderful...

I slowly turn to Lyra who's rubbing me the wrong way with that creepy smile she's giving me. I swallow my spit nervously as I watch her tail slowly swing back and forth.

"Um...Later!" I say as I push my way into what looks more like a clinic than a hospital to me, quickly walking up to the front counter. Two ponies were briefly discussing something until one walkes away, then the other comes over with a clipboard in her mouth. She places it down and starts to write something with a pencil, using her mouth. I snicker slightly at the adorable sight. she eventually drops it when she hears me clear my throat.

"Good morning, I'm nurse Redheart, how can I help you toda-" the nurse trails off as she finally looks at me. Her eyes slowly trail up from my waist all the way up until she eventually reaches my face. Her jaw drops to the floor, as her ears fold and her cheeks virtually turn into tomatoes.

"Woah." The nurse squeaks. I smile and fold my arm back to scratch my neck.

"Hi there. I uh...just need some stiches." I say carefully. The nurse blinks a few times and clears her throat, quickly regaining her professional composure.

"Alright... I have to know a few things first." she says, flipping a page on her clipboard.

"OK." I fold my arms.

"Full name?"

"Derrick J. Young." I answer.

"OK... And what exactly are you?" She asks with a blink.

"He's a human!" Lyra answers for me, I look down and facepalm. Great! She's still here! Nurse redheart looks between Lyra and I with a raised brow.

"OK...this is new. We've never had a human walk in here before..." The nurse mutters as she writes a few more things down.

"Will this affect the stitches?" I ask worriedly.

"No, Stitches shouldn't be a problem sir." she says, coming from behind the counter. "I can take you to a room where the doctor will see you shortly, but I have to check your vitals first." She says.

"That's fine." I say with a nod.

"I'm afraid i've never seen your species before, so you'll have to tell me what's normal." She says with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah that's understandable." I say, chuckling lightly.

"Before we go, will your...marefriend be joining you?" She asks looking at me curiously.

"Marefriend..." I mumble cluelessly. What the hell does that mean? Well...girl ponies are called mares right? so that would mean…

…
…
…

Oh no…

...

Oh fuck NO!

"NO NO NO, it's NOT like that!" I blurt quickly. Nurse redheart giggles while Lyra's cheeks turn red.

"I was just teasing. Will your friend be staying or not?" She asks with a smirk.

"Actually she was just leav-" I start to say.

"Yes, I'll be staying with him." Lyra says with a wide smile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

"OK right this way love birds." Redheart teases.

-UUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

"Please don't joke like that anymore... Like...EVER.", I beg, making her laugh. I cannot wait to get out of here. Hopefully this "Twilight sparkle" can tell me how to get back. Otherwise...I'm going to go clinically insane.

Author's Note

There we go! The original first chapter. More to come soon depending on reception of these first few chapters. Stay tuned.

-3- Royals

"Ok everything is checking out fine, I'll be back in a few minutes with the doctor, OK?" Nurse redheart says to me with a comforting warm smile.

"Alright." I say with a neutral look. She nods then walks out of the door. That's when I turn towards Lyra again and she's giving me that creepy and cute smile of hers. As for how a smile can be creepy and cute simultaneously? I have no idea.

She gets up from the guest chair and comes over to the patient bed where I'm sitting, which is hilariously undersized by the way. She climbs her way onto it and sits next to me. I fight the sudden urge to scoot away and take a deep breath. Why did Redheart leave me here with her? Lyra looks up at me curiously as I look down at her suspiciously. There is an odd silence between us until she smiles.

"What's it like?" She asks.

"What is what like?" I raise a brow.

"Hands. What is it like to have hands?" Lyra asks with genuine curiosity as she stares at my left hand. I look at it and shrug.

"I don't know Lyra. Something like that would be hard to explain." I say.

"How come?" She tilts her head.

"I've never had to explain something like that before because having hands is such a normal thing. It's like me asking what it's like to have hoofs." I try to explain. Lyra looks at her hoofs and nods.

"I guess I can see what you mean." She eventually nods.

"But I will say I'd take hands over hoofs any day. I don't know how you ponies get anything done using just your mouths." I shake my head.

"It's not that bad, especially if you're a unicorn." She claims.

"Oh really? Why is that?" I raise a brow Lyra opens her mouth to answer but she's interrupted when someone knocks on the door. Redheart comes back in with a grey and white pony who is wearing a cute little doctor coat.

"There's no way redheart I don't believe-" the doctor starts to say, until she walks in and actually saw me. She had a reaction similar to Redheart when she first saw me, sitting there with her jaw practically on the floor with slightly red cheeks.

"See I told you!" Redheart says with a smug look.

"Well hello there...Mr Young." The doctor clears her throat, slowly regaining her composure.

"Hey Doc." I greet casually.

"Please call me Doctor Kat." The Doctor says, clearing her throat and blushing.

"Doctor Kat? Hm, I like it. Its cute." I say with a slight smirk. The doctors cheeks turn a darker shade of red as she comes over to me.

"Alright, let's check on those bandages shall we?" She says. I realize I'm much too tall for her to reach me, so I was about to get off the bed and kneel, but I stop when I feel something lightly tug on my bandages. My eyes widen in horror when I see Doctor Kat's horn glowing a grey silver color as, my bandages were slowly removed, surrounded in the same greyish light.

"How are you doing that?" I whisper in horror.

"Doing what?" Doctor kat asks with a flat brow.

"Removing my bandages..." I say, a cold shiver goes down my spine.

"It's just a simple telekinesis spell." The doctor mumbles. My goldfish like expression gets the girls to exchange odd glances.

"Telekinesis means..." Lyra starts to explain.

"I'm well aware of what it means! An alleged psychic ability allowing a person to influence a physical system without physical interaction. But..." I quickly, trail off.

"But what?" Doctor Kat asks, looking at me with new found interest.

"That's supposed to be impossible!" I grumble. They all look at me blankly for a few moments before making various sounds of amusement. Nurse Redheart giggles and walks out of the room while Doctor Kat shakes her head.

"Your friend is really funny." She says to Lyra who just giggles in response.

"Teleportation... Telekinesis..." I mumble to myself as I sit there in deep thought, not even noticing the doctor cleaning my wound. This place...its very existence is impossible! I mean I saw liquid fucking Rainbows! As I contemplate this strange reality a knock came at the door. I briefly Glance and spot RedHeart again. looking back down at my hands, I return to my thoughts.

"Mr young has guests." Redheart announces, As two figures walk in behind her.

"Teleportation is the theoretical transfer of matter or energy from one point to another without actually traversing the physical space between them! Keyword theoretical, as in, not fucking real!" I start to describe aloud.

"DJ." Lyra pokes my side, but I ignore her.

"A Rainbow is a refraction of sunlight on water droplets...how the hell does light become a liquid?" I say to myself as my palms start to feel sweaty.

"DJ..." Lyra repeats with an annoyed look.

"And a cloud is just a visible mass of condensed water vapor. You can't push that shit around! With your hands….I mean HOOFS." I say with a twitchy brow.

"DERRICK!" Lyra shouts, giving my side an unpleasant poke with her horn.

"WHAT?" I slightly Yelp before shooting Lyra an annoyed look. That's when I hear someone across the room clear their throat. I look over and see that Zecora is back, and she brought someone new with her.

"I'm afraid I disagree with your points, but that's not important right now." The mare says calmly. She's a purple unicorn... Wait more like lavender...Violet? Whatever. She's a purple unicorn with a neat, lavender mane and tail with a lighter purple streak through it, and cute violet eyes that were staring at me with an intense mix of curiosity and intrigue.

"You must be Twilight sparkle?" I guess, raising my brow not sure what to think.

"Yes I am. You must be Derrick the human right?" She tilts her head slightly.

"Yup." I nod.

"Hmm..." She says, looking at me like she's trying to figure something out. "Definitely different from the humans in my books.." She comments after studying me.

"I know right?!" Lyra exclaims with a giggle.

"I have so many questions!" Twilight says, shaking with excitement and getting this really wide smile that made me feel like a lab rat.

"Me too!" Lyra says, unfortunately sharing Twilight's sudden enthusiasm.

"Maybe after- OW!" I suddenly blurt as a sharp pain shoots through my arm.

"Please refrain from moving Mr.Young. I kinda have a 2 inch needle in your foreleg." The doc says, raising her brow as I realize that she's been giving me stitches this entire time. She expertly weaves, using her strange telekinetic powers.

"Sorry doc." I apologise before turning to Twilight.

"I actually have a few questions for you." I tell her.

"Oh! An information exchange!" Twilight says, her eyes almost popping. "Let me get my notes ready!" She says before proceeding to make a notepad and quill pop out of thin air.

Ok...that just...happened...

'brain trauma sucks don't it?'

One thing at a time DJ, the talking ponies can make something out of nothing. I stare at Twilight for a few moments as she sits down and makes herself comfortable.

"What was your question DJ?" She asks with a curious gaze.

"I'm not quite sure how I should start this...they're not necessarily questions and i'm honestly having trouble believing what I'm seeing right now anyway." I say, looking around at all the colorful ponies.

"You're telling me..." Twilight says with a smirk. I shake my head and start to stare down at the floor.

"Alright for starters... I've already come to the conclusion that I am no longer on my world." I say.

"How do you figure that?" Twilight asks.

"Well everything is different... Different Flora, Different stars, hell there's even that weird blue planet in the sky..." I start to list.

"Are you talking about planet Neimoidia?" Twilight says. Raising her brow.

"Is that what it's called?" I furrow my brow.

"Yes. It's the only object in the sky that oddly cannot be influenced by Luna." Twilight says. I stare at her with a confused look. Something is...oddly familiar about that name... Eh whatever.

"Well whatever it is, it sure as hell wasn't in the sky back home." I say. Twilight nods and starts to write something down. "Of course there's you guys..." I mumble. That gets everyone in the room to look at me.

"What about us?" Lyra asks, reminding me that she was still firmly tucked next to me.

"There's no such thing as talking ponies-" I say, pausing when I look at Zecora."-or talking zebras where I come from." I explain. The girls seem to look surprised as I continued.

"Magic isn't even a thing...but physics don't seem to exist here." I say bitterly. At that moment I felt a strange unpleasant tingle go through my spine, my expression falls flat as I briefly look around in confusion.

What the hell? I just got this bad feeling out of nowhere.

"Are you OK?" Lyra asks. I answer with a simple nod as Twilight looks up from her notes.

"Of course physics exist here DJ, it's silly to think otherwise." Twilight says with a giggle. Before I could retort I feel the bandage around my forehead tighten, only to realize that it's been changed entirely.

"Alright you're all set Mr. Young. Drink plenty of fluids and avoid strenuous physical activity mkay?" The doctor says, stepping back with a content smile. While Twilight and I were talking She went ahead and did stitches, cleaned my wounds and slapped fresh bandages on me.

"I've gotcha. Thanks doc." I say with a smile. That smile quickly fades when I remember something. "Shit, how am I going to pay for this?" I say, bringing my hands to my face. "What currency do you ponies even use?" I ask.

"Bits." Twilight answers immediately.

"Bits? What the heck are those?" I ask. Twilight's horn briefly glows producing a small sack of what looked like coins.

"Here." She says, tossing it to me. I catch it and end up almost dropping it, because it was waaaay heavier than I anticipated. I untie the string and reach in, pulling out a thick golden coin.

"Is...is this fucking gold??" I sputter in horror.

"Mmhmm! 100% gold" Twilight smiles. A feeling of dread washes over me as I begin to think about how much debt I'm about to be in.

"You look like you've seen a ghost, what's wrong?" The doc asks.

"I did see a ghost....the ghost of my wallet." I mumble as I place the bit back in the sac, tie it and hand it back to Twilight.

"You don't have to pay anything for my services Mr. Young." The doctor says with a giggle.

"That would be rude of me." I shake my head.

"Not really, medical care is free anyway." Lyra states casually.

"Wait really?" My eyes widen.

"Yes why wouldn't it be?" Twilight says, furrowing her brow.

"Wow..." I say, rubbing my forehead and letting a breath out. These ponies are rich as hell! I should work for a bit and collect some gold!

'It might actually come to that...'

Hell no. I'm leaving this place As soon as freaking possible. Speaking of leaving, need to ask her about that.

"I don't mean to be pushy but we kinda need this room for our next Patient." The Doc says with a nervous smile as she looks from me to the door.

"Oh of course." I say, practically shooting off the bed. In my absence Lyra finds herself falling sideways onto the bed with a loud flop.

"Hey!" She exclaims in annoyance making me snicker. Everyone stands up and leaves the room.

"Bye Doc, nurse." I say with a simple wave as I quickly exit the room.

"Goodbye mister Young, I hope to meet you again, on better terms perhaps." The Doc says with a kind smile. I nod and make my way out of the hospital at a quick pace. There honestly isn't any reason to rush but something doesn't feel right. The hair on my neck is standing up and I can't help but feel like I'm in danger.

Unfortunately In my rush out of the door I don't even notice when I practically run-over a cyan Pegasus. I cringe when I look down and see her fearsome scowl. Honestly I thought I've seen it all when it comes to these ponies colors but this chick literally has fucking rainbow hair. This chick looks like a paint factory blew up in her face.

'Hey! Watch where you're stepping you...Um.” she trails off as her jaw drops.

“My bad.” I state, simply stepping over her. Twilight was following close behind me but she stops when she's sees the Pegasus.

“Rainbow what are you doing here?” Twilight blinks.

“I'm just here for a checkup but what the hay are you doing here? And with that...thing?” The Pegasus points a hoof at me.

“No time to explain, I'll see you later.” Twi blurts as she gallops to catch up to me. I roll my eyes and continue past the front desk and out. The door to the clinic closes behind me and I look around at the town with uncertainty.

"You were certainly in a hurry, I stop to talk to Rainbow for a moment and you were gone!" Twilight pants. Galloping out of the clinic followed by a hysterical Lyra and a calm Zecora.

"Yeah...I just..." I trail off as another shiver runs down my spine. What does this crap mean? did I suddenly develop the spidey sense?

"I was thinking we could continue our discussion at my house, it's just a few blocks that way." Twilight points with her hoof as she comes next to me. "Are you Alright?" She raises a brow when I don't respond.

"Do you...feel that?" I ask after a long pause.

"Feel what?" Lyra asks

"Something in the air...I can't describe it." I say as I squint and look around.

"Hm...I do feel a strong magic approaching." Lyra says, bringing a hoof to her chin.

"Ohhh. I know what you're referring to now. That's probably Princess Celestia, she did say she was coming." Twilight says. My eyes widen as I turn to the purple unicorn. "Judging by how quickly she responded she must really want to meet you!" Twilight says warmly.

Celestia eh? Zecora mentioned that name. I can only imagine how silly one of these ponies would look with a crown and a dress.

'But what if she's a warrior princess?’

…

Naw.

I doubt it. Even if that was true these ponies don't look threatening whatsoever, I'd only have to worry about getting jumped by a pack of them...I mean herd.

'Dont jinx yourself’

"She's coming here?"' I fold my arms.

"Yes. Judging by the aura I feel she's quite close!" Twilight says.

"Tell me about this Chick." I ask, As I notice something something alarming on the horizon. From what I could tell at this distance it was a formation, Definitely not birds.

"Well she is co- ruler of Equestria along with princess Luna." Twilight starts to explain. That formation I was carefully watching was about to pass over us. It was a golden Chariot that was being pulled by two armored pegasi. It flies overhead and a large pony jumps over the side, followed by two others. The first one was a large white Pegasus.... Wait...she has a horn too so that makes her a.....WHAT?

'Hm. I don't see a dress’

I don't see a sword either!

"What's she like?" I ask sheepishly as I watch the pony flare her wings and land on the ground, kicking up a fair amount of dirt.

"Oh she's one of the kindest ponies I know..." Twilight says, completely oblivious to what was happening. The pony stands up tall as another tall blue one lands right next to her. This one didn't bother with the wings because it hit the ground so hard I almost felt the ground shake, the worst part is it didn't seem to be fazed by a several hundred feet fall.

'Non threatening right?’

Quiet.

"What does she look like?" I ask sheepishly As I start to sweat. The last one looks like it was shorter than Twilight, she flaps her wings gracefully and has the softest landing out of all of them. They share glances and shake themselves off as 2 armored ponies come to either side of them.

"Well she has a white coat and-" Twilight Starts.

"- magical flowing hair?" I finish for her as I make eye contact with the white one. Her neutral expression quickly faded into something more obscure as she focuses all her attention on me. Those magenta eyes of her were truly beautiful, but at the same time I feel like my blood is freezing.

'Warrior. Fucking. Princess’

There's 3 of them!

'I guess you're getting jumped too then. Get rekt.’

YOU MEAN WE.

"Um...the term is mane. But yes, how did you know?" Twilight says with a puzzled look. She finally follows my gaze and hops with excitement. "Hi princess Celestia!" Twilight says, waving at the group which was only a block away. At that moment 4 more guards materialize at the Princess's side as 2 pegasi guards swoop down and land next to them.

I kinda regret jinxing myself now.

‘Oh NOW you regret it!?’

"Uh oh." I mumble taking a nervous step back. This causes the whole damn group to focus and narrow their eyes on me. They all take a single, synchronized stride towards me making me take one backwards in fear.

"Bye Twi!" I say before turning around and bolting away.

"The creature is trying to flee! Capture it!” I hear someone yell. I don't stick around to found out because my legs are already moving.

“ DJ?” Twilight mumbles with a confused look as I take off past her, stumbling slightly as I regain my footing. Behind me I can hear a chorus of footsteps, or in this case hoofsteps, along with the cliter clater of heavy armour. I bolt down the street and take a sharp Right before taking off down that street.

Don't look DJ… Because the second you look...you realize that what's chasing you is right on top of you and-

...

Why am I flying?

I turn to see that an armored orange and blue Pegasus has my collar firmly in his jaws.

“Sorry little guy” I say before raising my left arm and firmly elbowing him in the face. He grunts and covers his eye with both of his hoofs.

“Oooow! What the hay!” He barks, letting me go. Thankfully we didn't get that high up so after a short fall and a somersault I was back on the move. Sorry orange guy but I don't plan on getting captured today!

‘There's more up ahead jackass’

As I run down the street I notice two guards galloping up to block my path. My shoes skid on the ground as I quickly change directions only to realize that there's two more behind me. I stop to catch my breath as the four guards close in.

“So...can I take 5?” I ask sarcastically.

“There's nowhere left to run…Human...” I hear one of the female guards say.

“So that's a no…” I mumble as I think of my next move. These ponies don't look that tough but I'm not particularly keen on animal abuse. I still feel like a jackass for elbowing that orange guy in the face earlier.

“Get him!” The girl barks as the four guards charge before I could even come up with a plan. I take a quick breath and easily sidestep one of them. Two of them tackle my left leg making me stumble and produce an annoyed grunt. Before I could pry them off me, the last one attempts to tackle my chest and ends up right in my arms instead. The armored mare looks up at me with a flustered look while I look down with a slight scowl.

“You got me.” My eyes narrow making her look pale. I start swinging my leg around until the other two ponies come loose and get tossed aside. I simply drop the girl right on her ass.

“Hey!” She shouts after me as she rubs her tush and grumbles.

“Fuck this shit I'm out!” I announce calmly before sprinting off.

This part of the town seems to be an endless maze of narrow streets and alleyways. I stop next to a large house, leaning on the wall to catch my breath and think about my situation. Things like what happens if I get caught? Wait… Now that I think about it it's only a matter of time! Even if I do get away, what am I planning to do? Last time I checked I wasn't a wizard so I'm not going home without the help of these talking fuzzballs. Running will only make it worse...in fact… I should go back and-

“Who are we hiding from?” I hear an excited voice next to me say. I quickly turn To see that pink pony from earlier mimicking me by leaning against the wall looking Comical. I yelp and take off Down the street only to run into something that knocked me right on my ass. When I look up I almost shat myself. It was that tall white pony from earlier...Celestia. She slowly turns around and looks down at me with a look that I can't read.

Don't look her in the…..ass? There's a sun tattooed to her ass. Why the hell does she have a sun tattooed on her ass?

'Why are you staring at her ass?’

Because I'm an ass?

'no she has an ass'

She is an ass

'she's a pony not an ass’

An ass who has an ass?

'an ass with matching tattoos on her ass?

I think we should really focus... Say something you idiot!

'ass’

No! Something important! Something that will make a good impression! Hurry!

“Pancakes”

…

For fucks sake.

Celestia’s blank stare shifts into a bemused expression as she slightly tilts her head.

Is this my brain's way of telling me I'm hungry? Real fucking smooth. I stand there, a bead of sweat dripping from my face as that guy I elbowed earlier comes barreling down the street out of nowhere.

“I'll get him your highness!” He yells as he harmlessly tackles my leg. I slowly turn my head and look down at him. He comically tries to wrestle me down but it ends up looking like he's hugging the shit out of a tree. It starts to get ridiculous when he stops to catch his breath.

“So...are you finished?” I ask with a deadpan expression.

“Yeah...I think I'm - YAAAAA!” He yells as he tries to get me again. I simply stick my leg out and hold him back as he wildly swings at me.

“...this is sad…” I mutter. Next thing I know there is a sharp pain in my leg. “DID YOU JUST BITE ME!? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” I shout loudly, clutching my shin.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He says like this makes us even.

“You bit my leg!” I shout.

“You elbowed me in the face!” He repeats.

“You bit my fucking leg!” I yell. All this time the Princess just watches with an amused expression.

“You fucking jackass!” I snap.

“Hey! That's racist!” He frowns. His statement causes an awkward silence between us all. I just stare back at them before bolting away, surprisingly they don't peruse right away. Celestia seemed to be in a fit of laughter while the guard was simply too worn out to actually chase me. Once again I feel like I disappear down another Street only to be found by more guards.

This game of cat and mouse went on for another 30 minutes before I finally found a large bush to hide in and take a breather. I peek out of it to see this weird tree house in front of me...wait...it’s more like a house tree...what even...what's wrong with this place?

I sigh and rub my forehead and think of what to do, and I honestly don't have many options. I could risk going back into those woods and seeing if that portal that brought me here is open. Although considering my wounds i might end up dead the second time. I could also just wait until I wake up from this crazy nightmare that I'm having and so far that hasn't happened. Although I hate to admit it the longer I'm here the more it seems like this isn't all just my fucked up imagination.

I'm suddenly ripped from my thoughts when something firmly grabs my leg and pulls me right out of the bush making me tumble onto my back.

“We have found thou Human!” I hear a young cute voice announce. I quickly get onto my feet and look around only to see no ponies in sight. Something finally tells me to look down and I see the short blue Princess who looks up at me with a frown. She was a short dark blue Unicorn/Pegasus wearing blue slippers and a cute black crown. And when I say short, I mean it because she barely even comes up to my knees and her serious look is just so-

“Daaaaw! look at you!” I say overwhelmed by her cuteness as I squat down to her level. Her ears droop in an adorable way and I see her blush as I start to lightly pet her head. “Awww what's your name?” I ask somewhat hypnotized by adorabliciousness.

'is that even a word?’

“We art the Princess of the night Wuna” she mumbles. I wasn't sure if she said Wuna or Luna so I just went with it.

“Wuna you are just the most adorable furball I've ever seen.” I say as I snatch her up and hold her like a baby.

'The hell are you doing?’

I DON'T FUCKING KNOOOW!

“P...put us down foul beast!” She squeaks nervously. I just chuckle and lightly tickle her belly. At first she looks extremely angry and frustrated but she quickly starts to giggle as I tickle her belly. I'm not exactly sure how long I was doing this but I know I stopped cold when I felt breathing on my neck.

'Your Spidey sense is...oh nevermind ‘

A little late there pal...

I slowly turn around and practically shit myself. The tall blue pony from earlier was staring me right in the face her sharp teeth bared, her big bright cat-like irises glaring into my soul.

“She told you to put her DOWN.” She says in a sharp venomous tone that nearly cut me in half. I simply stare back in horror unable to even move anymore. Then I see her eyes narrow to the point where they're mere slits and the next thing I know I'm literally spinning through the air at the treehouse with an intense pain in my right cheek. My back hits it hard and my vision gets really blurry. The last thing I see is a bunch of ponies slowly surrounding me before I lose touch with the world.

-Some time Later-

I wake up with a splitting headache and a dull pain in my back. My vision is quite blurry but I was slumped over a white table. I suddenly shoot upward and look around. I seem to be in one of those interrogation rooms you see on TV... except I don't see the huge one sided window. Where the hell am I? Is an asshole in a suit about to come in here telling me to take some damn red and blue pills?

Maybe during that crazy pony dream I did something highly illegal and ended up here? Either way at least I'm back in the Real world. I look and notice a large piece of cake on a plate with a fork sticking out of it. It's a double decker fudge cake...one of my favorites.

Hm…should i...

Nah it's probably drugged or this is some sort of stupid test. Test how guilty I am or something.

It was that moment that my stomach sang a song and I remembered that I probably haven't eaten in days. I suddenly find myself not giving a crap about the possible repercussions, quickly snatching the plate over to me and using the fork to get a big chunk out of it. The Fudge chocolate melts in my mouth and i slowly sink into the seat with a sigh of satisfaction. This is probably one of the best cakes i've ever had! Although it could use a tad more icing…

I dig the fork in to take another bite but suddenly i hear the doorknob twist and I freeze in place. The door opens and and I see Celestia duck into the room. My somewhat happy expression deflates into a blank stare.

“Uuugh...you again.” I grumble settings the fork down back onto the plate. Most of my annoyance comes from the fact that I'm STILL in this madhouse called equestria. Celestia says nothing as she looks at me with a neutral expression. She sits elegantly on her haunches with her wings firmly tucked to her sides. I see that she insists on staying silent so I roll my eyes and pick the fork up to take another bite.

“This cake is pretty good..” I mumble.

“I see you didn't hesitate on indulging yourself…” Celestia finally says after i've taken a few bites.

“I haven't eaten in days..besides this cake is amazing. Kinda reminds me of my fudge cake recipe.” I say calmly. My statement has an odd effect on Celestia as her wings twitch and her eyes widen.

“Your recipe?” she says, leaning forward.

“Yeah. mine ends up tasting about the same as this. I bake in my free time. There's a fun fact for you.” I tell her as I take another bite. I see a creepy smile curl onto her muzzle.

“Really?~” she says with a half lidded expression that catches me off guard. I scoot away in my chair and smile nervously. I hear the door again and this time the adorable little Wuna walks in.

“Aw its pwincess wu-” I start to say but i'm interrupted when I hear the door slam open, shaking the whole room. That's when the tall blue pony stomps her way in with that intense glare of hers. My smile and good spirits disappear, Replaced by fear and an overwhelming desire to get as far from her as possible.

“Enough games human! We demand answers.” She announces. She notices my cake and immediately Snatches it from me with her cyan magic.

“...” I stare at her.

You know what? I might just cry.

“Feeding the prisoners?” She glares at Celestia who just smiles nervously. Wuna shakes her head and sighs.

“Nay Twas us that placed it there, we meant to test the human’s guilt.” She explains. Guilt? What the hell do they think this is? I hold my hands up and clear my throat.

“Ok i see where this is going... “ I start, making the 3 of them look directly at me. “ let's see here you're the good cop” I say gesturing to Celestia who's brow flattens “You're the bad cop.” I point to Wuna who frowns. “And you're….well...evil horse witch.” I say pointing to the evil horse witch. She stares at me for a few moments, her eye twitching slightly. I can see her wings slowly rising at her side as her breaths become rapid.

“Ok before you disassemble my soul to be fair I haven't been properly introduced to any of you.” I state as i mentally prepare myself for what would likely be a large unicorn horn embedded in my chest. Celestia clears her throat and puts a hoof to her chest.

“I am princess Celestia.” She starts.

“Well Twilight just told be ALL about you.” I say with a chuckle. Her brow flattens for a moment and she continues.

“This is my little sister Luna.” She says pointing at Wuna.

'see it WAS Luna numbnuts!’

Shut up! And I'm still totally calling her that!

“And she's as adorable as ever.” I say as I can't help but reach across the small table to pet her...only for a certain tall Dark individual to glare at me with the intensity of every star to exist in every dimension.

“And this is…” Celestia pauses long enough for the angry mare to answer herself.

“Your worst nightmare…” she tells me with venom, a faint and creepy shine in her cat pupils that instantly makes my spine frozen.

“... Nightmare Moon...my sister's other half.” Celestia finishes calmly.

“Aptly named.” I say sheepishly. I swallow my spit and let out a breath. “I guess it's my turn then.” I say. The three of them then focus their attention on me.

“My name is Derrick Young or Just DJ.” I tell them. They all look among themselves with uncertainty. Nightmare clears her throat and continues that glare of hers.

“Now then if you're all finished, I would like to continue with the interrogation.” Nightmare says.

“Oh yeah I meant to ask, why exactly am I being inter-WOAH!” I try to ask before jumping at the sight of my gun being slammed onto the table Quite hard.

“Tell us...what is the purpose of this device?” She asks sharply narrowing her eyes. I stare down at my gun, my eyes wide and sweat dripping down my cheek, probably looking guilty as hell.

“Oh um...that's not mine…” I start off horribly making her deadpan.

“So it was just a... coincidence that it was in your pocket?” She says with disbelief.

“Maybe?” I smile nervously.

“Uh huh. So if it doesn't belong to you that means you stole it then?” She leans forward slightly

“Yeah ok it's mine…” I admit.

“Surprise surprise. What is its function?” she asks again.

“Oh it's a um a...just a safety device.” I say, not wanting to tell her what it truly is.

“Really now?” She says with a fake surprise as she holds it in her hoofs. I start to visibly cringe as I see her cock the weapon. “Just a simple...safety device?” She repeats a slight smirk on her face.

“Uh...yep! Totally harmless!” I say failing hard at keeping a straight face.

“So. If it is TRULY just a safety device like you so honestly claim... you wouldn't mind at all if i were to...” she trails off and slowly points the gun straight at me.

...

'well damn’

I jumped so hard that I ended up falling right out of my chair.

“OK YOU WIN!” I shout as I stare down the barrel of the weapon.

“Admit it.” She says simply.

“It's a weapon alright! Stop pointing the damn thing at me!” I frown. Nightmare has a satisfied look as she sets it gently onto the table. I raise a finger as I stare at it.

“Um you have to disarm-”

I watch her quickly remove the magazine, cock the weapon to expel the round from the chamber, then quickly set the round back into the magazine in one swift motion. I stare at her, my wide eyes slowly narrowing until I'm glaring back at the now smug looking Nightmare moon.

“You knew what it was didn't you…” I deadpan.

“Yep. I just wanted to see you squirm in fear like the cowardly creature you are.” She says with a smirk. Celestia lets out a long sigh while I can see luna attempting to cover up her snickering.

‘looks like you were wrong, she's the fun cop'

Fuck off…

“Can I leave now?” I ask folding my arms and sinking into my seat.

“No.” Nightmare says with a frown.

“Ok look.” I take a calming breath and lay my hands on the table. “Frankly i'm sure this is all just some screwed up dream but I'm obviously not from here. That's established. I was walking in the woods on my world and went down a path I probably should have ignored, got chased by some Mismatched freak that was cackling like an asshole. I run into some Invisible...something. I don't know what the hell it was, but going through it hurt like hell. I wake up in that twisted forest where wolves are made of wood and fucking trees of all things tried to eat me. I would have bleed to death if Zecora hadn't found me-”

“-Then she took care of you for two days and told you about Ponyville where you could get medical attention. You did just that and ran into us on the way out.” Celestia Finishes for me, taking the words right out of my mouth.

“How the hell did you…” I trail off as I turn to her. She's looking back at me with a very focused gaze. The moment our eyes meet I get a skull splitting headache. The whole room fades into blackness and all that is left is her staring me down. A cold shiver goes down my spine as i find that I cant move anymore. All I can do is look back at her, sweat dripping down my brow. An eternity later Celestia's brow raises and she begins to look confused.

“Well sister? What hath thou learned?” Luna asks Celestia. When she turns away from me to look at her sister The room goes back to normal and I can move again. I sit there in a cold sweat as I finally take a breath.

What...the fuck...just...happened? Did she just read my mind? Brain! Status report!

‘Pancakes are kewl..’

…

I've just been mindfucked by Something large and unpleasant.

‘It was Pink’

s...sarcasm?

“He is telling the truth.” Celestia says with a serious look. Luna simply blinks while Nightmare looks all surprised like there wasn't a possibility that I wasn't lying. “I’m afraid i also know the identity of his chaser…” She adds.

“Uh hold that thought…” my voice cracks as I Weakly hold up a finger. They all turn to me again.

“Are you alright?” Celestia asks.

“I feel like my head was fucked by a 10 foot vibrating spiked mind dick….with no lube. So you tell me if im fine..” I can't help but say bluntly. Nightmare deadpans, Luna Has a look of horror and Celestia looks blue in the face.

“That was….” Celestia starts to say.

“Colorful? Like my vocabulary will be if someone doesn't explain this shit right now.” I say. They all exchange worried glances and I simply Fold my arms and wait. Eventually they all look to me and I find myself impatiently tapping my foot.

“This interrogation is over.” Celestia announces. Next thing I know the whole room seems to fade away and I'm inside what looks like a library. There are several ponies around that I don't know along with some I recognize like Twilight and Lyra.

“What the Hell?!” I look around in confusion.

“We shall return in a few hours. My sisters and I must have a discussion.” Celestia says and the 3 of them leave with Their guards before I can even comprehend anything.

They just fucking left? Without telling me what the hell is going on? For fucks sake!

“Yay! You're not getting arrested!* Lyra comes over and rubs against my leg.

“What...How...Why...SOO MANY QUESTIONS!!” I throw my arms up in fustration. I really need to just sit down for a minute...A good long minute.

So I do just that.

...

And unfortunately end up dozing off because I failed to realize how tired I actually was.

I didn't dream so it was basically one of those times when it seems like you blinked But really you slept for 2 hours. I shoot up off the couch and see that the sun was now setting and the sky was full of clouds.

“HI DJ.”

“Hi Lyra”

“...” I stare.

“...” she stares.

“Did you sleep well?” she asks timidly.

“Nope.” I answer directly.

“...” she stares.

“...” I stare.

“...” her ears droop.

“...” I squint.

“Why are you in my lap?” I finally ask.

“Um...” she blushes.

“Get off.” I narrow my eyes.

“OK.” She scoots off me obediently.

“How long was I out?” I ask rubbing my head.

“5 days.” She answers calmly.

“WHAT!?” I bark making her flinch.

“I was kidding! It's only been an hour, 57 minutes and 49 seconds.” She answers oddly specifically.

‘ someone was watching you sleep.’

Don't even start.

“Great. Where am I?” I ask looking around.

“You're in the Golden oak library where Twilight lives.” she answers.

“She lives in a library?” I deadpan. Now that I think about it she did come off as a bookworm so it makes some sense.

“Yes?” Lyra looks at me like it's the most normal thing.

“This place…” I shake my head and sigh as I stand up and stretch. As I'm still waking myself up Twilight walks in from another room.

“Oh you're awake!” Twilight lights up.

“Unfortunately.” I rub my head. Twilight sighs and that's when I see more ponies pile out of that room she was in.

“Heeeeey that's the guy that ran me over” I hear as that Rainbow mare from the hospital walks out.

“No. That was some other Human.” I quip instinctively making her frown. I find solace in how easy it is to upset these ponies. The look on this chicks face is priceless.

“Very funny my guy.” she grumbles.

“Sorry about earlier, I was kinda in a hurry.” I say with a friendly smile. “No hard feelings?” I hold my hand out in a kind gesture. She hesitates but she holds her hoof out.

“I guess so. The names rainbow Dash by the way.” She says a bit more friendly.

Of fucking course.

“Cool. I'm DJ.” I reply simply, shaking her hoof firmly.

“I'm surprised you haven't heard about how awesome I am by now. She gets this odd smirk.

“Nope.” I blink.

“I'm the fastest flyer in Equestria!” She boasts sticking her chest out proudly.

“Ok….and?” I raise a brow and let her hoof go. She gives me a confused look like I'm supposed to be impressed by that statement. None of you fuckers should be flying as far as I'm concerned physics wise.

“...” She deadpans.

“Honestly it makes no sense for any of you to fly in the first place but that's good for you... I guess?” I say carefully.

“You should see the look on yur face Rainbow for once somepony doesn't give a hoot.” I hear a thick southern accent behind me. I turn to see an orange pony with a Stenson had on her head.

aaaand there's another one… great.

“Shut it Applejack. He hasn't seen me in action yet.” Rainbow almost pouts. The one I assume is Applejack shakes her head and turns to me.

“Howdy there uh….DJ” she sticks her hoof out. When I grab her hoof and she shakes my hand any drowsiness in my system was cruelly ripped out as she shakes my hand so fast that our Limbs were a blur.

“Mah name is Applejack, pleasure to meet ya!” She says happily.

“SLOWER.” Is all I manage to say before she finally lets me go and I grunt in pain.

“Sorry about that sugarcube. Sometimes I don't know mah own strength?” She giggles nervously.

“I can see that…” I smile sheepishly as my arm muscles feel like I Tried to bench press an elephant. Rainbow snickers and I shoot her a look as AJ just silently studies me. Twilight comes back over to us.

“So are you ready for your party?” Rainbow asks.

“Party? what party?” I raise a brow.

“Pinky party. She throws one for everyone new in town.” Rainbow explains. That's when I remember that crazy pink mare from earlier.

“Wait she was serious??” my brow raises higher.

“Of course she was.” Applejack snickers like I should have known. They really throw a party for new people? ALL of them? Talk about friendliness!

“Thats nice but I really don't have time.” I shake my head.

“Aw really?” Rainbows ears droop slightly.

“I'm waiting for the Princesses to come back. They've got some explaining to do. “ I fold my arms and frown.

“Then you have time.” Rainbow deadpans.

“She's right you know. The Princesses won't be back anytime soon.” Twilight cuts in.

“And? I can wait” I sit back down and kick back.

“Maybe. But it's not like you have a choice sugarcube.” Applejack claims.

“Are you going to fucking drag me there?” I squint.

“No but... Pinkie will probably pester you about it for the entirety of your stay until you attend one.” Twilight says casually.

“I don't plan to stay.” I state firmly.

“Come on! It's free food! Pinkie bakes the best sweets!” Rainbow nudges me.

“It's going to take more than that to get me to-” I start but right at that moment my stomach grumbles so loudly that they all look at me in horror.

“-uh...It's going to take more than food to get me to go.” I claim.

'We’re going to that fucking party.’

But... The Princess…

'Do you really want that chick to bother you MORE? She'll be on you like black on shadows’

I think you misunderstood them. They're clearly exaggerating.

…

“Does she really bother you that much?” I ask.

“Yep.” Applejack claims.

“Uh-huh.” Rainbow confirms.

“Definitely.” Twilight states.

“Ooh yeah” Lyra reminds me that she's tucked next to me... Again.

“Oh…” My confidence deflates.

'Well?’

I'm going to that Fucking party.

“When is it?” I sigh in defeat and fold my arms.

“I believe it starts in 30 minutes” Twilight answers. I rub my chin and squint slightly as I think of something.

“So what happens If I were to show up and possibly stay for 2 minutes and leave... hypothetically? I certainly attended after all” I ask carefully.

“Oh please I've tried that. Ya gotta stick it out to the end.” Rainbow scoffs.

“Ugh…I can't win today.” I sink back into the chair, folding my arms.

“Nope.” Lyra tries to lean on me but at this point I instinctively stand up off the chair in time letting her just plop onto the seat. She blinks a few times comically before sitting up again looking slightly annoyed. This manages to bring a smirk to my face as I stretch.

“Well it's been fun.” I grunt.

“Did you say FUN? Where?!” Pinkie shouts from behind me making me jump so hard my heart felt like it Exploded. The others barely even flinch at the ponies sudden appearance.

“Gah! what the fuck?!” I clutch my chest and breath heavily as Pinkie's darts around the room.

“Where is the fun?” She starts bouncing up and down rapidly.

“Yo aren't you supposed to be hosting a party?” I question with an eye twitch.

“Oh right. Oopsies!” She smiles innocently. A moment later she literally disappears from existence with nothing but a comical “Pop” sound. My eyes turn into dinner plates as I try to comprehend what just happened. I slowly point my hand where Pinkie just was and look to Twilight for confirmation.

“Yes that's a normal occurrence with her. No I do not have an explanation for it.” Twilight automatically answers calmly. I raise my other hand to speak but Twilight interrupts and raises her hoof.

“DONT question it. Trust me it's how I keep my sanity around her.” Twilight states very seriously.

“I mean to be fair none of you should even exist so my sanity is very much fucked right now, but even I have limits!” I Rub my temple.

“Listen to the mare bro. “ Rainbow is hovering next to me and she pats my shoulder with her hoof.

“...” I frown and put my hands in my pockets.

“It was a long haul for mahself” Applejack sighs.

“Fuckin hate this place..” I grumble as I start to walk towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Twilight asks.

“A location.” I twist the knob open and duck under the door frame as I open it.

“Ok but you'll go to that location and come to the party that i'm sure you don't know the location of next right?” Twilight deapans. I stop and shoot her a look.

'She’s right though. You don't know where that party i-’

“Uh I could go with him and show him.” Lyra offers, slipping off the couch and trotting over to me. Twilight looks between us briefly before doing what I assume the pony equivalent of a shrug is.

“Well we will see you there then.” Twilight smiles warmly. I maintain a stoic look as I give her a quick wave before walking outside. Lyra closes the door behind us as she briefly gallops to catch up to me before smiling warmly. I look down at her into her adorable eyes and can't help but smile back. The two of us walk down the streets of ponyville for a while passing the occasional pony who would double take and stare at us.

Neither of us said anything the entire walk which I didn't care too much considering how much was on my mind at the moment and it seemed like Lyra recognized this and purposely kept her mouth shut, and if I know one thing about her it's that she likes to talk.

I'm having an internal crisis. Nothing in this equestria place makes any sense nor has any business existing, yet I haven't woken up from this dream despite realizing the ridiculousness of it. You're supposed to wake up when you finally point out the weird stuff right?

'It's time to consider that other possibilitiy’

No...I refuse.

'Its starting to get awfully long for a simple dream.’

It's… a coma! Yes I'm in a coma!

'Perhaps but--’

Hush it's still a possibility! In your face! Or my face?

'This is getting sad…’

I sigh and start to look to the sky where I see some pegasi pushing a bunch of grey clouds around which immediately soiled my mood further. It was then that we seem to end up at a building that looks like of Doctor Seuss designed a house but was only allowed to use sugary foods. Thier were very bright lights as well as a faint thumping of music.

“What the fuck is this? The Physical manifestation of diabetes?” I raise a brow.

“This is sugarcube corner. Its where Pinkie lives and where the party will be hosted.” Lyra explains.

“Interesting.” I squint.

“What?” Lyra tilts her head.

“I was expecting some sort of helish nightmare- Ugh nevermind” I shake my head.

“Ok?” Lyra looks at me funny.

“Hush tiny horse.” I shush her with my finger. She blinks a few times before deadpanning.

“DJ I thought twilight told you this already we are not horses-” Lyra starts.

“See you inside.” I Casually say as I I've already walked inside.

“...” Lyra's eye twitches

Time to get this shit over with and try to enjoy myself a little while I wait for the royals...

Author's Note

Here is part 3! Part 4 should be coming pretty soon because I've written a bit of it already. That chapter and things that may happen later are why there is a dark tag on the story so get ready for feels.

This chapter marks the first major difference between this and the old one and it is that Luna and Nightmare moon are two separate entities. I thought it would make things more Interesting.

-4- The Truth Hurts

I stare down into my empty shot glass, as the legendary “Pinkie Party” rages around me. The first thing I did upon entering the room was locate the bar and procure some alcohol.

…

That was 2 hours ago.

‘20 minutes ago?’

2 HOURS AGO.

'But-’

HUSH.

For hours now everything has just been a blur of vomit inducing colors and voluptuous butts.

….

Hmmm something ain't right.

'You're drunk son’

“I'm not drunk.” I mumble out loud as I spin my chair around. I feel the Bartender's eyes on the back of my head. I stare out into the sea of ponies and notice some of Twilight’s friends mingling. I see a yellow Pegasus with pink hair, the same one that ran away from me when I first showed up in town. Apparently her name is Fluttershy, which makes me wonder how her parents were so good at foreshadowing the future, but so bad at naming.

The next girl was a white unicorn with curly purple hair who pissed me off by insulting my fashion sense within 10 seconds of meeting me. I couldn't help but say something unpleasant to retort, which is why I am now restricting myself to the bar and not that cluster of ponies where Twilight and her friends were. Most of the other ponies around have just been too scared to come over to me, or just busy having a good time and Lyra of all ponies was surprisingly nowhere to be found.

'You know who else is nowhere to be found?’

“Those fucking Princesses...” I grumble aloud.

“Uh sir?” The Bartender finally speaks up, making me spin my chair back around.

“Excellent timing! Hit me again please.” I request casually planting my glass down on the counter.

“Uh…You're Starting to talk to yourself. I think it may be time to stop.” The guy smiles nervously as I slowly stand up and tower over him.

“Bro.” I say coldly, making his ears Droop. “I am 100 percent sober right now, I'm not even feeling it breh." I lie.

“Yeah. Sober.” He squints.

“Not even buzzed” I smirk.

“Sir you've had 9 already. 5 is enough to floor most ponies.” The guy deadpans.

“Yeah but do I look like a pony to you?” I smile mischievously. We both give each other a hard stare “Just do me this one solid guy. This will be my last one I swear.” I tap my chest.

“You make a good point. Fine.” The Pony finally admits. He uses his magic to pour me another shot.

“Thank you! You have made my day my pony buddy! Fuck odd numbers anyway am I right? 10 just craps on 9 any day!” I smile and immediately snatch the shot glass from the table.

“Yeah whatever.” The guy rolls his eyes and looks away uncaring.

I decide to walk off with it, over to the snack bar and lean on the table. I pick up a cookie and take a bite out of it and experience pure good as fuckness. Yes I just said that, they're good! The taste despite being slightly mixed with alcohol just automatically calms my nerves with it's heavenly flavor and I finally relax Abit.

“DJ?” I hear Lyra call out timidly as she comes out of the crowd and looks up at me.

'Aaaaaand Relaxation over.’

“Oh there you are.” My smile fades.

“Are you alright? I've watched you drink enough cider to kill 2 ponies already.” She has a very worried look as she sits on her haunches next to me.

“Yeah Lyra I'm fine. This stuff is weak compared to human drinks anyway.” I look down into my glass, watching as the liquid waves around.

“Oh good! I'd hate for you to get sick.” Lyra gets this adorable warm smile.

“Uh-huh.” I take a big bite out of the cookie.

“So are you enjoying yourself so far?” Lyra asks curiously.

“No.” I state bluntly, making Lyra's ears Droop.

“What? Why not?” She looks slightly sad.

“Lots of reasons.” I chug my 10th shot down.

“Like?” Lyra tilts her head. I deadpan and look down at her Silently waiting for her to realize I'm keeping my mouth shut. “Fine...you don't have to tell me.” She sighs and folds her hoofs, which looks just as ridiculous as you think it does.

“Correct.” I say before eating the rest of the cookie.

“But I don't want you to be miserable.” She says sadly.

“There is nothing you can do about it Lyra. But I DO know what would make me slightly less miserable.” I kneel down to her level and smirk.

“What is it?” Her cheeks turn a bit red from my proximity.

“A refill.” I smirk as I shake my empty glass a little.

“...” Lyra deadpans.

“Actually make that two please, because odd numbers suck dick.” I add.

“You do realize alcohol Is a depressant right?” Lyra raises a brow.

“You want to help or not?” My smirk fades as I match her blank expression.

“Fine DJ fine.” She takes the glass with her magic and walks off.

“Thanks! And don't Tell the guy who it's for!” I call after her but my words are lost in the sea of music and talking ponies. By the way the music playing right now is surprisingly good, serious Props to the DJ.

“This isn't healthy…” Someone says from behind making me turn to see a taller than average unicorn mare with pink hair. She's looking up at me Quite seriously.

“No it really isn't. But I don't care.” I look down at her with a raised brow.

“DJ I must speak to you.” The pony whispers.

“You ARE speaking to me.” I point out.

“I mean privately.” She frowns.

“Excuse me a moment but Who the hell are you anyway?” I ask.

“It's me DJ.” She puts a hoof to her chest.

“I've never seen you before.” I blink in confusion. She starts to grumble in frustration.

“Come on I don't have all night. Let's just go upstairs and…” she trails off as her golden magic grabs my arm and starts to pull me but she stops whenever Lyra walks over to us carrying the drinks.

“DJ I've got your-” Lyra starts to say until she sees me and the pink mane girl.

“Oh thanks Lyra.” I say as I smile and take the shot glasses from her.

“DJ this is very important. Please come with me.” The pink mane girl urges me again. That's when her and Lyra makes eye contact, the mood seems to shift immediately. I recognize that look Their giving each other from kelly. It's that weird Hostile glare she gives other girls if they dare approach me whenever we're out together.

“Who is your friend DJ?” Lyra smirks slightly.

“Actually I still don't know who-” I Begin.

“You can call me Tia. I need to borrow him for some important business.” The pink mane girl smirks back. At this point I can practically see sparks between Their eyes.

“Business between your hindlegs huh?” Lyra says with venom and hatred. I look at her, my mouth slightly stuck open.

Woah.

'Well damn’

I watch the girl's cheeks turn as pink as her mane, her eyes widening. Lyra's smirk fades as her eyes narrow and she honestly looks somewhat intimidating.

“N..no absolutely not! I just have something private to discuss with him.” Tia frowns and blushes. Wait a second...she sounds familiar... maybe..

“Look Lyra let me just see what she wants so she can buzz off.” I pet her head lightly. Lyra's cold stare fades into sadness as her ears droop. Tia looks between us before Starting to head towards some stairs.

“But DJ…” She pouts as I follow.

“Hey I'll be back before you know it.” I smile warmly.

“I'll just be here then... Waiting as always...” Lyra sighs sadly. That line makes me flinch and practically slaps the smile right off my face as my thoughts turn to Kelly again. I feel some regret as I follow the pink maned mare up the stairs. That's when I notice how curvy this “Tia” is. Then I remember I'm looking at a fuckin talking unicorn and train my eyes to my feet until we reach the top and enter a side room. We walk into what I can only guess is a guest room, as it doesn't seem to have anything besides the basics.

The moment we enter I see the door slam shut covered in golden magic, the sound of the door locking puts a shiver down my spine.

“Ya know...we CAN talk with the door open.” I smile nervously. Tia Silently stares at me with an unsettling Amount of focus, her horn glowing brightly. Eventually her whole body starts to glow, almost blinding me. When it stops Princess Celestia is standing there looking Quite annoyed.

“Oooooooh it was you the whole ti-WAIT WHAT?” I blink in surprise.

“Yes. Yes it was.” Celestia deadpans.

“Why didn't you tell me?!” I almost spill my shots.

“I tried.” Celestia grumbles.

“You said ‘it's me’ that's not telling me anything! Why couldn't you just say it's Princess Celestia I'm in disguise? Look that took me two seconds to say!” I scold. The Princess's ears droop as her gaze drifts away from me.

“Look I use that persona for... other things. I didn't want anyone to know.” She looks a little embarrassed. I sigh and drink one of my shots.

“Whatever whatever just tell me why you dragged me off already.” I grumble.

“You agreed to come with me, I didn't drag anypony.” She snaps.

“Ok?” I can't help but flinch. Celestia sighs and rubs her forehead.

“I'm sorry I'm not myself, a little cranky when I'm tired, so let's just get on with it?” she says. “I need you to come with me.” She says, making me squint.

“But I literally just came with you somewhere.” I tilt my head slightly. She begins to glare at me as her horn glows brightly.

“I'm teleporting us there.” Celestia's eye twitches.

“Telewha-”

I'm blinded by golden light again. An instant later I'm standing in some sort of garden. I don't even get to take in its beauty, because my guts practically decide to suicide as I get the urge to hurl. Celestia Quickly senses this and puts a bucket under me just in time.

“Thy did not brace thine stomach did thee?” I see wuna at the corner of my eye.

“Uuuuugh Obviously not! How the fuck do you brace a stomach anyway?!” I grumble. “Sunshine over here didn't even warn me.” I point to Celestia who has a twitchy look.

“Sickness after teleporting is a common side effect...for weaklings.” I hear Nightmare behind me.

“Oh here we fucking go. The whole gang's here now huh?” I roll my eyes as I wipe my mouth with a napkin I snagged at the party. “I left my damn drink in that room.” I suddenly remember and Facepalm.

“You don't need it. In fact-” Celestia’s horn glows once more. In that moment my drunk ass thought she was gonna do something cool for once with her magic and summon up a beer fountain or some shit, but she pretty much does the exact opposite instead. I feel a very uncomfortable dull pain throughout my entire body as a clear liquid seems to leak out of all my pores, floating off in small droplets and gathering into a big ball. When it stops I fall to my knees shivering.

“Why do you keep hurting me?” I glare at Celestia.

“What we are about to tell you is important. I don't want you being too drunk to understand the gravity of this news.” Celestia states seriously. A shiver goes down my spine as I stand again.

“So did you just detox me?” I poke the floating orb of liquid that smells like the drinks I was chugging. Celestia wills it over to her before firing a small beam at it, which lights it on fire. It burns brightly for a moment before dissipating into smoke. I watch with wide eyes as Celestia says nothing and just looks at me coldly, the sleepy in her eyes Quite overwhelming.

“Um sister...why doth thou get some coffee and come back? Thou art not acting like thineself.” Wuna comes over to Celestia and rubs against her leg. Celestia's face softens as she smiles weakly at her sister.

“Infact get some rest dear sister. We can take it from here.” Nightmare actually says with passion rather than venom and hatred. The warm smile she was giving Celestia was actually quite welcoming.

“Thank you my sisters. Goodnight and goodluck.” Celestia seems to have a weight lifted off her shoulders. Before she walks off she places a hoof on my shoulder making me flinch.

“Goodnight...DJ. I'll check on you in the morning I promise.” Celestia claims. That comment right there pretty much put everything into perspective. They've got some bad news to tell me.

“See ya.” I wave weakly as my mood deflates like a balloon. When she's gone Nightmare and Luna look back at me. Nightmare's expression was neither friendly nore hateful while I notice Luna's ears are slightly flat as she looks concerned.

“Where should We begin.” Luna taps her hoofs together.

“We have bad news and worse news. Which would you like first?” Nightmare tells me Straight.

“Sooo many options.” I roll my eyes.

“We shall begin with the bad news.” Luna sighs.

“We know how you got here and who sent you.” Nightmare states.

“Isn't that a good thing?” I raise a brow.

“Nay. Twas honestly... the worst possible outcome.” Luna admits. They start to walk through the garden and I follow closely behind them until we get to a familiar Looking statue. My heart almost jumps out of my chest when I realize.

“That's the thing that… “ I trail off. Nightmare clears her throat making me focus on her.

“There are an unlimited amount of unique Universes out there, including the one you came from and the one you're in now. The space between them being known as the Veil.” Nightmare starts.

“The Veil huh…” I rub my chin.

“The Veil is not very stable and tis prone to infrequent rips where one could slip through.” Luna says.

“Like I did?” I stare at the statue now. I honestly don't remember the figure I saw being as...rugged? It was more curvy. Then again I don't think I had time to examine body dimensions when running for my life.

“Yes but your transportation was odd. The rips usually only lead to parallel universes.” Nightmare says.

“Ours isn't?” I scratch my head.

“No… Universes that are parallel aren't too different from each other. For example one of our parallel universes is the same as ours but we are all anthropomorphic.” Nightmare calmly explains.

Hm... Anthropomorphic ponies. Walking on two legs, hands and all. I honestly kinda wonder what that looks like.

'Hot.’

What?

'shhh! They're explaining important shit’

“There is another where all of the genders were swapped, one where we use technology rather than magic and… Well you should get the point by now.” Nightmare says.

“Tis possible to visit the parallel universes with powerful spells which we hath done in the past.” Luna says.

“Well you can make a spell to take me back then right?” I look between them and I'm met with silence and blank stares.

“Universes that aren't parallel are beyond the power of even Alicorn Magic. Even if we knew which universe you were from it would be unlikely that time would have lined up and you could arrive 50,000 years after you initially left. It's pretty much... impossible.” Nightmare delivers the line that completely crushes my hopes.

“Oh… worse news.” I begin to shake as I feel my blood run cold.

“The entity that brought thou here is known as Discord. His chaos magic is unique to him and doth not follow the same rules as our own.” Luna gestures to the statue.

“It doesn't seem to follow any rules for that matter. We theorize he was able to use his reality warping power to send you here.” Nightmare explains.

“It...was different...it chased me into to the rip.” I say quietly.

“Even so. It's likely he influenced your destination.” Nightmare says.

I feel sick to my stomach as I stare into the statue's eyes unable to say anything at this point.

“So essentially... we cannot help thou...we art s.. Sorry.” Luna's voice strains and I can feel her sadness. There is a long silence before I start to laugh making Luna look at me funny. Nightmare simply raises a brow.

“It doesn't matter…” I chuckle.

“What?” Luna blinks in surprise.

“None of this is real anyway.” I deny casually.

“Derrick…” Luna's ears droop.

“I'm just gonna play along until it's over.” I claim.

“Don't do this to yourself.” Nightmare's eyes narrow slightly.

“None of this is real…” I'm shaking.

'Bro admit it.’

FUCK NO!

'This isn't healthy’

“Play all you want. But we have told you nothing but the truth.” Nightmare states surprisingly calmly. I let out a long sigh and finally drop my careless facade. Who am I kidding?

“Dammit why me.” I facepalm and lean against a wall, slowly sliding down it until I'm sitting there pathetically. “Why did he do this to me?” I ask as I start to glare at the statue, a massive headache forming.

“We do not know. Discord takes pleasure in spreading chaos wherever he can. He doesn't need a particular reason. “ Luna comes over to me.

“You fuckers Don't worship him right? You've got him in the center of this garden like he's a sight to behold.” I say with venom.

“Nay. We hath used the elements of Harmony to subdue and turn him into stone.” Luna says.

“The elements….what?” I'm confused. Luna opens her mouth to explain but I hold my hand up and stop her. “No no no just no more I can't take anymore.” I shake my head. Luna's ears Droop again and I see Nightmare’s stoic look softening ever so slightly.

“Well we hath neglected our night duties long enough. Good night to thou.” She sighs before spreading her wings and flying off into the night sky leaving Nightmare and I alone. Some time goes by before I eventually push myself up and look at her.

“Can you bring me back to ponyville?” I ask carefully. Nightmare doesn't do anything but a casual nod before a glow of her horn sends us back a few blocks away from the party out of sight. This time I didn't even react as I felt both Physically and Emotionally numb.

“Thanks…” Is all I say to Nightmare as she still just looks at me Indifferently. I put my hands in my pockets and walk back towards sugarcube corner.

“Don't do anything you'll regret.” Nightmare warns me ominously before literally turning into blue mist and fading away. It's really strange that the one giving me hell ever since she met me wasn't rubbing salt in the wound right now. Perhaps even she recognizes the pain I'm in and doesn't feel it necessary. Or more realistically maybe she's just bored of messing with me.

It still hasn't fully sunk in yet...the fact that I'm actually stuck in this colorful dump. I seem to be taking it well so far like I usually take bad news. But sooner or later I'll crack right open and I hope none of these ponies are there to see when I do.

“DJ?” I hear Lyra calling excitedly. I turn to see her galloping over to me from the door of Pinkie's. I take one look at her and know that I'm not going to last long here.

“Hi...Lyra.” I say with a flat tone. Lyra immediately senses my distress.

“What happened? What did that mare want?” She asks curiously.

“Nothing. She just asked me a few dumb things about humans.” I lie and look away.

“I feel like that's not all what happened. You look miserable.” Lyra's ears Droop.

“I am. Very much so “ I admit with a sigh.

“Please tell me what happened DJ. It's not good to hold things In like that.” Lyra nudges me.

“Listen Lyra I've had a rough day. I want to be alone for a while so I can think.” I start to turn and walk away. Lyra pouts and looks like she's going to follow me. “Please Lyra.” I say Quite sternly making her freeze in place. “If they ask...Tell the others I said thanks for the party but I'm not feeling well. I hope they understand.” I turn and continue to walk away.

“Where will you go?” She asks with a sniffle.

“Bye.” Is all I can say as I walk without looking back. My headache is there full force now and it pounds relentlessly. I simply wander the town in the shadows until I'm certain I'm not being followed before finding a nice tree to chill under. I sit and lean against it and take in the decent view of the town before sighing.

This place is my life now? All because of some fucked up reality defying mutant creature? There was still so much I wanted to do. I hadn't even started on my bucket list yet! The worst part? I'll never again be able to see-

“Kelly…” My voice strains weakly. and with one word I've now hit rock bottom mood wise. She's probably having a similar breakdown right now. Probably trying to figure out where the heck in the woods I was. Now that I think about it it's been days already, she probably blew up my phone to no end and called the cops to report me missing already. I can only hope Mike and Austin are there to comfort her at least... something I'll never be able to do myself now Apprantly.

I never got to tell Kelly how I really felt about her, knowing this hurts more than anything else possibly could. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks as I remember the pleasant times Kelly and I had together throughout our lives. It's agonizing to think about never seeing her again and even more agonizing to think about how she doesn't even know I'm alive and just trapped in magic bullshit land.

I feel a buzz in my pocket and instinctively pull my phone out. At first I assumed it was just my battery dying, but I see the notification light blinking. My face is frozen in horror as I unlock my phone and see 6 missed calls as well as numerous text messages from Kelly stream in all at once.

…

What the actual fuck is going on? I've got full bars in another universe? Nevermind that I'm going to try my luck and see if I can get one last call in, and I know now what to tell Kelly. I start to feel a small amount of hope as I hit the call button and I actually hear it dialing.

“Hello?” I hear Kelly faintly answer.

“Kell? Oh God it's so good to hear your voice again.” I smile. Suddenly the sound on her end seems to cut out making me check my phone only to see it die from low battery right in my hands. I shoot up and stare down at my now blank screen in horror, the tears streaming down my cheeks again as I ball my fists in fury. I chuck the useless phone as far as I can and I watch it sail into the sky and land somewhere out of view. I start to feel immeasurable rage as I punch the nearest thing to me which is the thick tree I was standing under.

I'm surprised when my fist busts right through the bark instead of my knuckles breaking but that surprise is short lived as I start wailing on it, taking my anger frustration and sadness out on the tree. It doesn't last very long because eventually the thick tree trunk snaps like a twig and collapses to the ground. I finally stop and look at my shaking hands in horror wondering just what the hell is going on. First my phone blows up only for it to die with 60% battery left, and now I'm breaking things that would normally break me instead. Oh yeah! I know why! It's because nothing fucking makes sense in this horrible place! I'd rather die than stay here Another minute!

…

I'd rather die…

...

That's when I realize my gun is already in my hand.

I start to shiver as I lean on the tree trunk and slide down it again and stare down at the weapon. I slowly check if it's loaded and fortunately it is.

Fourtanatly…

'Don't do this.’

I have to.

'What?! Why?’

it's the only way to escape this hell.

'How can you be certain!?’

Because...the Princesses said so.

'And? They obviously don't know everything. There could be a way but you're not gonna find out if you blow yourself away.’

I don't care anymore…I've got nothing left to live for. The guns barrel feels cold on the side of my head.

'This isn't the way...you didn't even try to make it work. Why not just give this place a chance?’

Why? This is either some crazy dream or Some new fucked up reality, either way the exit method is the same. Give me a good reason. Any fucking reason.

'Kelly wouldn't want you to do this’

…

I take one long good look at the landscape surrounding me it's serene and colorful Vibe actually calms me down. I was so calm I didn't realize someone was standing in front of me. I look up and see the last person I expected Looking down at me.

Discord.

“Oh don't mind me. Continue with your internal conflict, I think it's adorable.” The bastard smirks.

“...” I stare up at him wordlessly.

“You're right though. You aren't going anywhere and it's impossible to return.” He puts his arms behind his back and paces around me. “So you can tell that Little voice in your head, that subconscious of yours to hush.” He chuckles.

'DJ No!’

I start to glare over at the revolting creature slowly pointing my gun at him. He deadpans and raises a brow.

“You really think that can hurt me?” He looks down at me. That's when I fire a few rounds at his face only for his neck to bend at an impossible angle to avoid them.

“What…” I blink in surprise and shake in horror.

“Silly little human.” Discord cackles. At this moment my anger fades into nothing but pure sorrow as i lower the weapon.

“Why…” I say weakly.

“Hm?” Discord raises a brow.

“Why did you do this?” I demand. Discord starts to snicker before going into full blown laughter.

“You should see your face! It's priceless!” He laughs. I sighs and shake my head. Why was I expecting a real answer? This guy is clearly a complete nut job.

“I've had enough” I declare seriously.

“You've got one bullet left. You should use it wisely.” Discord suggests smugly.

“I will…” I say weakly as I point my weapon back to myself.

“Welp so long pal! It's a shame You didn't even find out how to get out.” Discord salutes me and starts to walk off.

“Excuse me?” I raise a brow.

“How else would you get back besides the way you came?” Discord says

“The rift you shoved me in-” I start.

“The one you walked in.” Discord corrects smugly.

“Is closed already.” I finish with a glare.

“Oh I'm well aware. The way I see it you've got two options.” Discord smirkes

“I'm listening.” I lower the gun slightly.

“You either blow your tiny brains out or...we make a little...deal.” Discord smiles mischievously.

“What kind of deal?” I ask curiously.

“The kind of deal that lets you go back to your old pathetic life. Provided you do me a few small favors.” Discord says. What could the favors be?

'Don't deal with the devil.’

…

But I could see her again... anything is worth that.

'Don't be so sure’

I don't even get to wonder because I see Luna suddenly zipping over to us from the sky.

“NAY!” She shouts as she swoops in and tackles Discord off his hoofs.

“Luna?” I blink in surprise.

“Don't you dare wake him!” Discord snarls at Luna. Luna Quickly points her horn at me and fires a thick beam right into me to my surprise. The beam strikes my chest and Sears a basketball sized hole straight through it making me cough up blood.

The next moment I'm shooting awake in the exact same spot without Luna or Discord in sight. I clutch my chest and am relieved to find that it is completely intact, save for my heart which was probably going to burst from excitement. I lean back on the tree and try to catch my breath Looking up slightly I realize that the tree is completely intact too. The rectangular bulge I feel in my pocket also confirms that my phone is on me which tells me that I was dreaming the whole time.

Oddly though I still have my gun in my hands loaded and ready and pointed right at myself. A moment later I see blue mist forming around me making a cold shiver go down my spine. Nightmare materializes from the mist and Immediately Stomps on my right arm Quite hard making me drop the gun forcefully. The weapon discharges and fires a round just under her wing making her flinch slightly.

“Gah fuck!” I shout as I clutch my arm in pain and watch as she kicks the weapon away.

“That slippery demon.” She growls.

“What the fuck is going on?! Shit I think you broke something!” I groan.

“Hold still.” She orders. When I stop moving she blast my arm with a beam that feels very soothing and a moment later I don't feel any pain. I look at Nightmare in surprise as she simply gazes down at me Looking Quite concerned.

“Thanks Nightmare.” A sentence that I never thought I'd say comes out awkwardly.

“Are you hurt?” She begins to check me and inspect me Quite closely.

“Me? What about you? You took a hit.” I frown as i point to her twitching wing.

“You need not worry.” She tucks her wing close to her and covers the spot. “Discord despite being trapped in stone has found a way to influence you.” Nightmare explains. “He almost got you to off yourself.” She says. I stare down at the ground where my pistol is, a dark expression on my face.

“No.” I say quietly. Nightmare turns to me, her cat like irises focusing on me. “That would have happened regardless of his influence. It was my choice.” I state emotionlessly.

“You were really going to…” Nightmare trails off her pupils shrinking slightly.

“Yes. Yes I was” I state boldly as I stare down at the gun. I hear Nightmare come closer to me.

“Why?” She asks quietly in a soft tone.

“Why...why do you care? I bet You would have been happy to see me blow my brains out anyway!” I snap with venom. I somewhat brace myself, fully expecting her to lash out at me physically or at least verbally but I'm surprised when I get nothing. After some silence I look over to her and notice that her ears are flat and she actually looks….miserable.

“I do not hate you Derrick.” She claims softly with her ears flat against her skull.

“I couldn't tell.” I say bitterly and Honestly.

“You popped out of nowhere from a land unknown. I had no reason to trust you, or believe you were just some poor lost soul.” She looks down at the ground shamefully.

“I'm not gonna hurt your damn ponies.” I sigh.

“I see now that you're truly a victim...a victim that would rather end it all than harm anyone. A victim that I practically walked all over.” She plops down onto her haunches.

“Nightmare…” my glare softens.

“I promised my sister I would try to renounce my wickedness, and yet I've soiled that promise by driving you to suicide. “ I see her Start to shake.

Woah. She's actually feeling remorse for how she treated me? I never thought I would see that from her.

“Stop it Nightmare.” I say seriously and she looks at me, her eyes slightly glistening. “Don't pin my attempt on yourself, you don't need that type of thing on your conscious.” I come over to her and look her in the eye. “You cracked a few jokes and scared me a little bit so what? My decision wasn't based on you. So don't blame yourself.” I slowly start to pet her head. When I touch her She immediately stiffens up, as her pupils narrow to slits. As if by reflex her wing shoots outward and knocks me into the air sending me flying where I fall on my back several feet away.

“GAH! Are you TRYING to give me reasons?!” I grunt in pain and rub my back, she rushes over to my side.

“I wasn't expecting you to do that... I apologise.” She says timidly as I stand and dust myself off.

“It's fine” I sigh a bit weirded out as I look at the mare’s somewhat nervous demeanor. “It would seem we've both made unfair assumptions about one another. “ I fold my arms and look at her.

“Everypony else saw some…. cute alien from another universe and I couldn't see it myself because of my wicked nature.” Nightmare looks frustrated.

“Yeah I guess that just makes you different from- wait a second. Did you just say I was cute?” I blink when I realize. Her cheeks turn crimson as her eyes widen.

“I said no such thing!” She denies sharply.

“But you did.” I smirk slightly, Quite enjoying her flustered look.

“I would never!” She tries to claim but her flat ears and red cheeks say otherwise.

“Wow. This is actually Cute as hell.” I admit and snicker.

The next moment I'm forcefully pinned against a tree so hard it knocks the breath out of me. She's giving me a fierce look even though her face is as red as a tomato.

“If you tell a soul what I've said, I will personally break every bone in your body, hang you on the tallest tree by your own genitalia, and watch as Timberwolves pick at you until you're at death's door. then I'll kill you, drag you back from Hell by your entrails and kill you again!!” She growls demonically with burning pupils making me go completely pale.

I think I peed a little.

'No not really- oh wait yep.’

“lips sealed.” I swallow my spit.

“Good.” She let's me go and smiles warmly like nothing happened.

“Uh huh...” I'm still horrified and shaking.

“ I still wonder how Discord was able to reach out to you despite being sealed in stone.” Nightmare begins to pace.

“That's a very good question.” I mumble as I start to calm down and slide down the tree.

“The mind is the most vulnerable While dreaming...he must have taken advantage of that.” Nightmare stops pacing and looks at me.

“By the way...How the hell was Luna in my dream anyway?” I finally ask.

“She is the Guardians of Dreams. It is her responsibility to make sure All Equestrians are free of... Nightmares.” She explains.

“How Ironic…” I quip making her eyes narrow slightly.

“You will need someone to watch over you. This cannot be allowed to happen again.” Nightmare steps over to me and looks down at me. I'm not sure if she's talking about my Suicide attempt or the fact that Discord was in my head.

“Luna?” I guess, raising my brow.

“She has a lot on her plate. She isn't the only one who can enter dreams. I shall take the responsibility myself.” She puts a hoof on her chest.

WHHHHY?

“You're Not exactly who I think of when it comes to my Guardian Angel…” I deadpan.

“Oh?” She smirks slightly.

“Yeah. I guess it turns out you aren't that bad afterall. Deep down you're a sweetheart.” I admit. Her reaction is Quite odd, she looks at me her expression going flat and her cheeks turning abit red. When I see her horn light up once more I notice a tiny spark shoot from it before her cyan Magical energy covers it. Hm... I've seen these ponies use Their magic plenty of times and that's never happened before. That's pretty weird.

When I see my gun levitate off the floor and float I flinch Quite hard. Oh. So I'm getting shot after all. Why do I have such a big mouth?

“Relax.” Nightmare frowns slightly when she sees my paranoia.

“Sorry you caught me off guard.” I say as the gun floats over to her and seemingly disappears. I don't really care what she's done with it as that weapon is now just a cruel reminder of what almost transpired here. Nightmare looks back over to me her horn sparking Again as her magic deactivates. I need to find out on my own time what those sparks mean.

“Try to enjoy the rest of your night. I must be going now.” Nightmare tells me surprising sincerely. I don't really know what to say when she turns around and starts to walk away.

“Hey Nightmare…” I mumble making her stop. She turns her head towards me and for some reason I can't quite bring myself to face her.

“I need you to keep what happened here a secret for me.” I request, slowly looking back up to make eye contact with her. What I see is quite different from the supposed evil I saw when we first met. That or maybe it just doesn't bother me anymore.

“Of course.” She nods and turns away. I watch her Silently as she walks off. Her blue armor and helmet glimmer in the moonlight as her ethereal Mane and tail sparkle Quite beautifly in contrast with her neat dark Fur.

And then I looked Down.

…

...

...

'That ass tho’

…

…

…

Starting to wish I actually pulled the trigger.

When my eyes linger A Bit too Long I feel something akin of a belt Lightly smack across my cheek making me jump. I look to see Nightmare's ethereal tail in the shape of a long wip extending a few feet away from her. It changes back to normal and shrinks down. I regrettably look over to her face and she looks quite annoyed with me, despite this her cheeks are crimson.

“Goodnight!” I smile nervously. I see her roll her eyes and turn into blue smoke, fading away into the darkness like before. I stand there for a few moments in silence before putting my hands in my pockets. I eventually decide to go back to the dreaded party simply because I'm sure if I continue to mope here any longer I'm going to do something I regret. Silently walking back into Town, I take note of how empty it seems to be at night. If I ever need time to think in silence I know where to go.

Eventually I make it back to the sugar cube corner and I see Lyra laying outside looking almost as miserable as I am. I sigh and walk over to her, she blinks a few times and looks up at me her face lighting up instantaneously.

“DJ you're back!” Lyra smiles happily as she gets back onto her hoofs and rubs Against my leg.

“Yep…” I say quietly just looking down at her Quite neutrally.

“I hope you're feeling better.” She looks hopeful.

“No. I want to kill myself.” I state flatly. Her mood immediately deflates and her ears flop Against her skull. I smirk slightly and pet the top of her head. “Relax Lyra I'm just kidding.” I assure, doing my best to smile.

“That's not something to joke about..” she Sniffles.

“Eh don't dwell on it. Humans have a weird sense of humor. Let's just go back inside already.” I run my finger by her ear before letting go and walking to the entrance. Lyra follows beside me looking to be in a better mood now. I push the doors open and enter the loud but pleasant music filling my ears and the smell of cider is now in the air. I notice that things are Abit more...wild than before. I guess the drinks are starting to get to everyone.

Wanting to avoid getting drunk again I simply get some cookies at the snack bar to munch on while I sit myself down near the DJ’s table. Lyra hops up onto the chair and sits next to me, once again leaning on my side. I shoot her a look and she looks back up at me with a Nervous smile. I think about scooting away but at this moment I really could care less so I just look away and continue to eat my cookies.

“The DJ is amazing…” I comment to break the silence between us.

“Right? Vinyl never disappoints.” Lyra smiles up at me.

“Wait Vinyl as in Vinyl Scratch?” I blink, remembering some Nonsense that Pinkie of all people asked me.

“Yeah! She's actually a good friend of mine. Want to meet her?” Lyra offers. I take a moment to think.

“Sure why not.” I eventually shrug. Both of us stand up from our seats and make our way over to the DJ table. There is a white furred blue maned Unicorn with shades on bumping her head to the music and swiping away at a turntable with a combination of her hoofs and her magic. Lyra jumps up onto her hind legs and holds herself up on the table with her ForeLegs.

“Hello neighbor.” Lyra smiles warmly. The DJ raises her shades and rests them on her forehead revealing her red eyes.

“Sup neighbor! How are you… doing…” Vinyl seems to trail off when she notices me towering over her. I just give her a simple wave because I'm still stuffing my face with cookies. I swear Pinkie has to lace these damn things with crack or something because they are borderline addictive!

'I see where this is going. May our toned abs rest in peace.’

Stuff it.

'You're doing that already’

These are my last ones…

‘You said that 4 times already.’

“This is my human friend DJ.” Lyra introduces me.

“Huh…Hi DJ..” Vinyl is still staring up at me her cheeks slightly red. I finish my last cookie and clear my throat.

“Sup.” I fold my arms and look at her.

“You Know I thought everypony was using the Humans are real thing as an Excuse to party, which I was down with regardless but now i see what all the fuss is about and...” Vinyl trails off.

“And?” I raise a brow.

“Uh... Nothing. nevermind it. Nice to meet you bro.” She slides her shades down and continues to Do DJ things her cheeks Still Abit red.

“Nice tunes. You have an interesting selection of songs.” I state listening to the odd fusion of orchestra and dubstep that was currently playing.

“Thanks bro! Something my roomie Octavia and I worked on together. Glad you like it!” Vinyl smiles.

“Keep it up. I'll stop bothering ya.” I say.

“You aren't bothering me...one bit.” She tells me as she looks up at me again her cheeks slightly colored Again. I Squint slightly as I start to recognize a pattern among a lot of the mares I've bumped into so far. They all seem to have a similar reaction upon meeting me and it probably goes back to the whole “cute” comment Nightmare made.

I guess my appearance is appealing to them? Somehow. I mean I was considered a looker on Earth, but you'd think that being in another dimension or whatever would change things. Regardless I'm quite ok with this as long as no one gets any funny Ideas.

My thoughts are scrambled when someone bumps into me Quite hard from behind. It makes me stumble slightly and I slowly turn to see...wait hold on what?

“Oops! My bad dude.” A half bird half lion female apologizes.

Holy shit they have Griffin's here?! That's actually kinda cool!

'See? It isn't all bad’

Naw shut the fuck up, don't push it.

“It's whatever.” I shrug and look down at her. She's standing on her hind legs and holding a drink in one of her hands. Lyra has that defensive girl glare again which seems completely ineffective on this Griffin chick.

“So you're that human guy huh? Pretty cool.” The girl smirks. When I open my mouth to make a smart comment Lyra speaks before me.

“ You mean DJ. He has a name...Gilda.” Lyra frowns.

“I know pint-size” Gilda seems to force a smile as she uses her tail to lightly whip Lyra’s muzzle while keeping her yellow eyes Trained on me. I raise a brow and look at Vinyl who just responds with a shrug.

“Yep. DJ the human guy. Let's go with that.” I fold my arms and look down at her. As we look into each other's eyes I notice her pupils shrinking slightly as her cheeks turn red.

“Yeah well uh sorry about that little bump and stuff. Gotta go fill up ya know?” She taps her nearly empty drink.

“Yeah.” I respond in a purposely bored tone as I deadpan. Gilda seems to swallow her spit and get increasingly nervous.

“Well it was nice meeting you DJ. Gotta run!” Gilda seems to zip off leaving a single white feather behind.

“Finally.” Lyra sighs in relief as she rubs her muzzle. “I thought she'd never leave!” She adds.

“Not a fan of Gilda huh?” I smile slightly.

“Considering she bumped into you on purpose just to speak with you? No.” Lyra deadpans.

“Wait how do you know that?” I blink.

“I saw her do it DJ. It was obvious.” Lyra seems mad at me now.

“Well excuse the fuck out of me.” I put a hand to my chest and pretend to look hurt.

“She's not the type to say sorry or be nice to anypony out of her friend circle for that matter. She doesn't realize I've caught onto her silly plan.” Lyra rubs her hoofs together and smiles maliciously.

“If you say so Lyra.” I look at her slightly Disturbed. I notice Vinyl snickering and raise a brow.

“What's funny?” I ask curiously.

“That was the worst attempt at sliding into someone's DM's I've ever witnessed.” Vinyl giggles. I stifle a laugh not expecting something like that out of her.

“That's what that shit was?!” I exhale sharply out of.nose.

“I would dip before she gets the courage to slide back bro.” Vinyl suggests.

“Yeah let's go Lyra. Later.” I wave to Vinyl and put my hands in my pockets. I walk through the crowd with Lyra at my side, she may as well be surgically attached to me at this point. I decide to finally approach Twilight and her “Squad” because I honestly have nothing better to do. They seem to be laughing about something unrelated to me until I approach and they all stop.

“Hello Again DJ, enjoying the party?” Twilight smiles warmly and looks up at me. Pinkie zips over and bounces around me in a circle.

“Yeah! Are you having fun fun fun?” Pinkie asks excitedly.

“I guess so. If you count gorging yourself as fun.” I shrug.

“It's Fun to yours truly!” Rainbow says as she's balancing a cookie on her muzzle. She flips it in the air and catches it in her mouth making Fluttershy and AppleJack giggle while Rarity just rolls her eyes.

“Have the Princesses made contact with you yet?” Twilight asks more seriously.

“Yeah.” I say dryly.

“Well? What did they say?” Twilight is curious and concerned.

“I...don't really want to talk about it right now. I've had a long day.” I sigh, getting into the miserable sinkhole of emotion Again. Twilight's ears droop as she comes over to me.

“Oh… I see you must be exhausted.” Twilight looks down at her hoofs.

“Both mentally and physically” I mumble.

“You're welcome to rest at my house if you like.” Twilight offers.

“Your house tree?” I raise a brow.

“Mmmhmm! I have a multitude of books you could read and I'm sure you'll get along with Spike just fine!” She smiles and looks excited.

The talking ponies have dogs huh… can't get more fucked up than that.

'Bet’

…

On second thought I have been saying that to literally everything I've seen so far and I've been proven wrong EVERY time.

“I guess if it's just the night…” I shrug.

“laaame who wants to stay in a library full of boring books when you can hang with me in my place?” Rainbow snickers.

“You mean the place he would fall straight through because it's literally made of clouds?” Twilight Deadpans.

“Right…” Rainbow deflates like a balloon.

“Not a fan of heights either…” I add making Rainbow Frown.

“I would definitely welcome you with open hoofs DJ but I'm going to be very busy preparing for my roommates return.” Lyra tells me.

“Oh Bon Bon is coming back?!” Pinkie jumps up and down with excitement.

“No worries Lyra. “ I smile and Lightly pet her head.

THANK GOD THANK GOD THANK GOD! I'll be damned if I sleep in the same house as Lyra Again. I'd rather not find her asleep next to me.

'Or on top of you...key IN the lock.’

The fuck is that supposed to mean?!

“Yeah I'm excited. Maybe you could stay with us after I've run the idea by her. “ Lyra says.

“I'll think about it.” I deadpan.

“Well then it's settled! “ Twilight announces.

“Yeah. I'd like to settle into a bed if you don't mind...like asap.” I yawn.

“Right this way.” Twilight starts to walk out.

“Aww you're really leaving?” Pinkie's ears droop slightly as she sticks her lip out.

“It's getting A bit late partner. Ah might head home maself.” Applejack yawns.

“Same Actually.” Rainbow shares the infectious yawns.

“I better get going, angel needs feeding.” Fluttershy says quietly.

“Later.” I wave casually before following Twilight out. I get outside and not to long after Vinyl’s last song seems to end, the ponies begin to trickle out. Before Twi and I make the trip back to her place I hear someone gallop over behind me.

“Mr Young? A moment of your time.” I hear Rarity ask. I'm surprised that it was her instead of Lyra who seems to have disappeared again which I've noticed she does alot.

“What did you think of more insults? I've only got one set of clothes right now.” I snap still bitter about earlier.

“Actually no. I've come to apologise. Those statements of mine were uncalled for.” Rarity looks ashamed.

“Oh.” I blink in Surprise. “Eh don't worry about it… you're not wrong. My outfit is kind of fucked right now.” I admit as I look at the various holes and scratches In my shirt from my injuries.

“Oh my...such language!” Rarity gasps, looking horrified. I raise a brow and slowly turn to Twilight who just shoots me a nervous toothy grin.

“Ya done? “ I fold my arms across my chest.

“Oh I'm dreadfully sorry. I've come to make you an offer.” Rarity clears her throat.

“I'm listening.” I tap my foot impatiently.

“I felt awful knowing that you're doomed to prance around in those subpar garments so I'd like to make you a new wardrobe of clothing.” She offers.

“There you go roasting me again and- WAT?” I blink when I realize what she's offering. “A new wardrobe? Are you sure?” my eyes widen.

“Yes! You'll need to come by sometime so I can get the measurements but you've inspired me darling. “ Rarity smiles warmly.

“That's pretty nice of you Rarity but I don't have any bits or whatever they are. I'm still gonna have to pay Twilight back for letting me crash at her place.” I kneel down to her level.

“No you don't…” Twilight Frowns.

“Don't be silly darling I'll do it free of charge.” Rarity smiles warmly.

“...” I'm speechless. Wow that's pretty damn generous of them. Hell most of these ponies I've met so far have been generous. Pinkie threw me a damn party for God's sake! While I suspect that there is still a catch to all these acts of kindness I finally get to tick a pro on the large list of cons this place has so far.

'You forgot Those cookies’

And those.

'And Griffins. And those plumb ass’

Yeah that's kind of debatable and- wait what the hell was that last one?

“Well darling? What do you say?” Rarity nudges me. Breaking me from my thoughts.

“Yeah...I'd appreciate that.” I mumble.

“Excellent! Come by at your earliest convenience. I must get my beauty sleep now. Have a good night darling. “ Rarity yawns and walks off. I watch her Leave and turn back to Twilight.

“Come on DJ. “ She waves with her tail. I follow, instinctively putting my hands in my pockets and watching her tail wave back and forth it's actually quite mesmerizing and…

Oh my…

'So they DO have tits’

THIS IS NOT SOMETHING I WAS WONDER NORE NEEDED TO KNOW!

'You're not gonna comment on that tight va-’

“DJ are you ok? Your staring is starting to creep me out.” Twilight asks carefully as we are already standing outside her house. My eye twitches furiously as I look at Twi.

“Yeah I'm good. I just need to bleach my brain at my earliest convenience.” I mutter. Twilight looks extremely creeped out she laughs nervously.

“Just gonna get this door unlocked.” Twilight scrambles for her keys. No I do not know where the fuck those keys came from. She unlocks the door and walks into her now dark home. She uses her horn to light the way Until some lanterns seem to light upon approach. Twilight leads me upstairs into a side room where I hear snoring.

“Uh Twi?” My eyes widen.

“Huh?” Twilight walks deeper into the room.

“An oversized lizard ate your dog.” I point to the big purple and green Lizard laying on a small bed.

“What?” Twilight reacts to my absurd comment with confusion.

“Nothing.” I look away.

“This is Spike my faithful Dragon Assistant. “ Twilight says as she comes over to a bigger bed that she quickly dresses with her magic.

“That's a Dragon??” I deadpan.

“He's just a baby…” Twilight sighs.

“Oh...that makes sense” I say quietly.

WHAT THE FUCK DRAGONS EXIST HERE? THIS IS AWESOME!

…

Actually that's terrifying. This goes on the con list. Fuck this place.

“You can rest here when you're ready. I'm going to catch up on my studies before bed so goodnight.” Twilight yawns and walks out.

“Wait a second do you have a shower?” I walk out after her.

“Yes right over here Actually.” She leads me to the bathroom and I gladly enter.

“Thanks Twi” I smile as she nods and walks away.

“You're welcome.” She says around the corner.

“Too bad I have no clothes to change into...” I mumble to myself as I look into the mirror and see a glowing set of eyes that startle me. I watch Nightmare creep out from the shadows behind me. I turn to look at her and see that she's got something in her mouth. My eyes refocus and I realize she has the bag I dropped in the everfree with the strap missing and all.

“Nightmare I… “ I start to say but her ethereal mane forms into a hand that she uses to shush me as she uses her magic to move my arm under her muzzle where she drops my bag. My otherwise sour mood finally goes positive again as I mouth the words “Thank you” to her. She simply nods with a stoic look and fades into blue mist once more that washes over me before fading into the shadows. I watch a single dark blue feather like the one I collected earlier float down and land on the counter. I guess that solves that mystery.

“What a Sweetheart.” I say aloud.

“Silence yourself before I change my mind and burn the bag along with your belongings!” Nightmare's voice echoes in the room making me jump.

Well. Mostly sweet.

“Did you say something DJ?” I hear Twilight call out.

“Nope. All good!” I turn the shower on and close the door. I manage to get the temperature right and I undress and step in, making sure to keep my.bandages from getting wet.

'Wanna know a fun fact?’

Sure?

'Nightmare is probably watching you shower right now!’

…

…

…

Should have pulled the trigger...

Author's Note

This chapter is the reason I had a dark tag initially. Not much to say really about this one besides that. Stay tuned for number 5 for more sunbutt shenanigans!

-5- Night Mischief

I lay in bed, simply staring up at the ceiling with nothing but the steady breathing of Spike to break the agonizing silence. My watch has been scrambled since I got here and, I honestly don't care enough to fix it but even without it, I Know it's been a few hours. I hear Twilight in the hallway probably walking back to her room after studying all night. She seems to stop at her door and enter another room, closing it behind her gently. I let out a sigh as I try and make myself comfortable for probably the 40th time.

I can't stop thinking about her, I simply can't get her out of my mind. If I keep this up I'm probably not going to sleep at all tonight. Its started to anger me how difficult this is to move past. I usually move past and get over my hardships pretty quickly as I've found that stressing over something I can't change is a waste of energy, which is better spent elsewhere. But this time I'm dwelling on my sorrow with no sign of stopping any time soon. I eventually turn over to my side to see if that makes a difference and I'm met with Nightmare's glowing watchful eyes.

“You know... it isn't polite to stare.” I mumble quietly.

“Why are you not sleeping?” Nightmare asks me sharply.

“I dunno. Just can't sleep. What does Equestria have a curfew or something?” I raise a brow and lean back slightly as she creeps closer and leans forward.

“No. It is just odd that you've managed to stare at a ceiling for 2 hours.” Nightmare blinks.

“...” I stare at her.

“What?” She Frowns.

“You've been watching me all this time?” I am honestly creeped out.

“Yes of course.” Nightmare looks at me like it's the most normal thing in the world.

“Why???” My eyes widen.

“I take my tasks very seriously.” Her powerful gaze falters for a moment.

“Nightmare…” I sigh and shake my head. “We clearly need to establish some ground rules.” I sit up slightly. I'm surprised when I'm pushed down onto the bed by an invisible force.

“Just quit your mumbling and go to sleep.” She orders Quite sternly.

“I mean I'd fucking love to but you're making it difficult.” I Frown.

“Would you like me to help you along?” She asks with a malicious grin.

“What do you mean by that? You're not going to knock me out or something right?” I blink.

“Noooo~” She says as she lowers her hoof that she was probably going to deck me with.

“Uh-huh.” I deadpan.

“Well there is something I could try.” Nightmare rubs her chin with her hoof.

“I swear to God if you chloroform me.” My eye twitches at the sight of her summoning a suspicious rag.

“You're no fun.” She vaporizes the rag with her horn which both relieves me and disturbs me further.

“Because sleeping is definitely a time to have fun and you wouldn't know fun if it kicked you in the Face.” I roll my eyes. She starts to giggle Quite sinisterly.

“And that is where you're wrong.” Nightmare smirkes. I sit up and fold my arms staring the smug mare down.

“Fun for you is screwing with me.” I grumble.

“Yes but you just got here boy. There are other ways to have fun.” Nightmare still smirks at me.

“Like?” I deadpan.

“Well why don't I just show You?” Nightmare climbs onto the bed throwing me way off guard.

“What happened to sleepi-hey watch it!” I snap in a quiet whisper when One of her hoofs almost flatten my balls.

“Be still boy.” she towers over me and narrows her eyes.

“What are you doing anyway? I hope you know I don't give free rides.” I quip. Nightmare Deadpans and looks down at me likely disappointed. She casually raises a hind leg only to bring it down right on my sack

“FUUUU-” I Scream before the glow of Nightmare's horn suddenly makes me mute. She deadpans and seems to wait for me to finish.

“Relax yourself. I've never done this before.” She commands. Her eyes start to glow pure white. At first I try to protest and I'm horrified, but for some reason it all seems to fade very quickly as my eyelids feel heavy. A moment later I shoot awake, except this time I'm floating above the bed.

“Excellent it worked!” Nightmare's voice echos from behind me. I turn and see her float up to to me with her wings spread. She looks the same but her usual armor seems to be missing allowing her mane to flow more freely.

'Wow...she looks better without the armor’

Not even gonna lie. She's really quite majestic.

'Wait a second we should be pissed right now! She kicked us in the balls!’

Yeah but I don't feel it anymore. Also I'm pretty sure I just got turned into a ghost.

'whut’

“What exactly worked?” I'm absolutely confused as I look at my hands everything in the environment has this odd blur to it.

“This is the dream walking spell.” Nightmare informs.

“Wait don't you do this all the time why are you so surprised it worked.?” my brow flattens.

“Yes but bringing someone else in with me during the spell is a foreign concept. I'm glad it went off without any hitches.” Nightmare looks around the room. I look down at the bed where I was and what I see makes my cheeks light up.

“Uh... nightmare we have a problem.” My eye twitches. She floats over next to me and follows my gaze to the bed. On the bed I'm on my back knocked the fuck out while she was laying right on top of me out cold.

“Huh. Will ya look at that.” Nightmare looks stoic and yet I see her cat pupils shrink more.

“Is that us in the real world?” I turn to her and she looks at me.

“Hmm. Of course not don't be ridiculous.” She smirks slightly. I see myself grip her voluptuous ass Quite tightly her squishy bottom acts like puddy in my hands. The sleeping Nightmare hums happily as her Wings open up and wrap around me.

“You sure??” I'm horrified with a slight hint of that other feeling that I'd rather not admit.

“Yes I'm sure. Do not question me boy...” Nightmare scolds and seems to lose interest.

“Alright…” I sigh and shrug eventually turning away from the bed.

“Besides. I'd rather not risk frying your Puny brain a second time, just to reposition ourselves.” Nightmare mutters.

“Wait a second run that by me again?” My eyes widen.

“Shut up and follow me.” Nightmare says before floating away from the bed and turning her attention elsewhere. I glance back at us laying there with a pit forming in my stomach. I try to brush it off as some dream induced illusion but honestly I'm not quite sure how things work around here. I'm pretty sure what I'm seeing is part of a messed up Nightmare...no pun intended.

“Give me a minute...this is the equivalent of playing inverted…” I say as I find that for the most part I can fly around the room by thought alone, generally feeling weightless.

“It's not that complicated.” Nightmare frowns as she hovers over to the sleeping Dragon. I eventually get my bearings and direct myself to land over next to her.

“I've got the hang of it I think but question time.” I say as I look down at Spike and notice he looks transparent and has a faint Cyan outline.

“What?” Nightmare looks at me with some impatience.

“Why are we doing this again? And what exactly is THIS anyway?” I ask.

“I'm showing you fun remember? There's plenty of entertainment to be had out of dream walking.” Nightmare smirks at me.

“Oh...if you say so.” I swallow my spit as I look down at my now ghostly hands.

“On the bright side you'll finally be getting the rest you've been longing for all day even while we do this.” She nudges me. I take a glance over to the big bed and I see her tail wrap and curl itself around my inner thigh.

Just ignore it...it's fake right?

'You better pray it is.’

“I guess you're right but I'm assuming this lets us jump into people's dreams?” I raise a brow.

“Mmmhmm!” Nightmare is still smirking.

“Ok I have to admit that's pretty awesome. But isn't it kind of a dick move to just plop into people's dreams like that. Fooling around in someone's mind is an invasion of privacy.” I bring up my concern.

‘COUGH Celestia COUGH’

Yeah I didn't forget about that shit. I honestly don't look forward to seeing her for that reason. Nightmare Deadpans and slowly turns to me.

“We can't Really make major alterations to Their Dreams. It's Their head so they're in charge. Do you want to have fun or not?” She growls. Intake a moment to accept my own hypocrisy before sighing.

“Fuck it whatever..” I roll my eyes.

“Good. Now follow me!” Nightmare says as she flies over to Spike before diving right into his head where she phases in and Disappears.

“Ugh..what the fuck is my life right now?” I mutter as I float in the air take a deep breath and dive into Spike's head just as Nightmare Does. There is a bright white flash of light before I find myself suddenly feeling the influence of gravity again, the light fades to reveal what looks like the hall of a Castle.

“Ah there you are. I was Beginning to worry.” Nightmare sighs in relief As I walk next to her.

“Hold on what? You were worried?” I blink in Surprise.

“Shut it Derrick. What's important is that you're here now.” She shakes her head.

“So ‘here’ is Spike's dream huh? Where is the little guy anyway?” I look around in confusion.

“Hmm. I'm not sure. Wait.” Nightmare's ears perk up when she seems to hear something.

“Come along this way Please.” I hear a gruff unfamiliar voice down at the end of the hall.

“Should we hide?” I whisper to Nightmare.

“What's the point? He can not see you if you do not wish to be seen.” Nightmare explains.

“Huh. Neat.” I smile as I look down at my hands which still have a very slight transparency.

“Here he comes.” Nightmare nudges me to get my attention and I watch as a somewhat tall and muscular Dragon wearing the upper half of a tuxedo and sharing Spike's color scheme walk around the Corner. The mare that comes behind him surprises me because I actually recognize her.

“Rarity?!” I blurt with wide eyes.

“Yes..this one is fond of the element of Generosity.” Nightmare snickers. I watch in disbelief and amusement as they both Walk along the hall.

“This castle is quite impressive dear. You have good taste in decor.” Rarity compliments as she looks around at the castle in awe.

“It's all for you my dear. This is where we shall return after our wedding!” Spike smirks proudly.

“Oh I can't wait to have my big brave Drake officially as my husband” Rarity sighs and rubs Against spikes leg.

“My god this is horrible, and I love it.” I'm holding in laughter.

“Oh it gets much worse. I believe I've seen this one before.” Nightmare has a huge grin on her face showing off her fangs.

“After all who Wouldn't want to be married to the Supreme Chancellor King Ruler Overlord of the world?” Rarity has a half lidded expression.

“Don't forget I'm the same Supreme Chancellor King Ruler Overlord that saved the Universe 14 times.” Spike looks proud of himself.

“Oh my how could I forget. I apologise King Chancellor Overlord.” Rarity Does the pony equivalent of a facepalm.

“You mean SUPREME Chancellor King Ruler Overlord.” Spike corrects.

“What the actual Fuck is this?! He must have fallen Into a pit of Redundancy!” My sides hurt me as I start to laugh.

“Like a bad Fanfiction.” Nightmare snickers.

“You guys have that shit here too?” I exhale loudly out of my nose.

“Of course!” Nightmare informs.

“This boy is mad.” I'm in disbelief as Nightmare starts to full on laugh.

“Twilight? Could you come here please?” Spike claps his hands together and I hear someone rush over seemingly from nowhere. I see Twilight rush out with a maid outfit that is obviously designed to show off and highlight some…. “choice”... parts.

“This part is new!” Nightmare blinks in Surprise as she continues to cackle.

“But why though?” I turn pale when I realize this is the second time I've seen Twilight's nether region. I'm also calling bullshit on Spike simply being a baby, dude obviously knows some things considering his mind made that skimpy outfit. At this point Nightmare is literally on the floor dying of laughter.

“Yes Supreme Chancellor king Ruler overlord?” Twilight asks obediently.

“Be a dear and Fetch the others to help you prepare a meal for us.” Spike orders.

“Right away my Supreme Chancellor king Ruler Overlord.” Twilight Kneels down respectfully giving me a view I could have gone the night without. It gets worse When I see Celestia, Luna and...NIGHTMARE? Im Fucking speechless.

'Oh look they have on the same outfits!’

“Oh sweet Jesus BAHAHA!” My sides must have been left behind in the real world because I can no longer feel them. Nightmare sees herself in the outfit and Immediately stops laughing, her face lighting up like a tomato and a mix of fury and Embarrassment.

“IS THIS BOY MAD?!” Nightmare yells out, her voice booming.

“Daaw that outfit looks cute on you!” I tease before laughing harder.

“WE’RE LEAVING.” Nightmare booms loudly as her horn flashes and blinds me. I cover my eyes and feel weightless again as Nightmare removes us from Spike's weird dream.

“Holy shit I needed that laugh.” I'm still chuckling some while Nightmare Silently stares at me with a Twitchy eye.

“Are you finished you incompetent pervert?” Nightmare asks me in a tone I'm not familiar with, her ears are slightly dropped down.

“Hey it was his dream not mine.” I smirk.

“Oh yeah? Well what about that figment of us?” Nightmare points back to the bed where we were still sleeping, Quite disturbingly peacefully I might add.

“Not mine.” I put my hands in my pockets.

“Are you suggesting It's mine?” Her eyes widen as her cheeks turn red.

“I dunno Nightmare. All I know is your tail shouldn't be in there.” I point to the tip of her tail slipping into my pants.

“Well your hands should not be there!” She snaps as she points to my hand still squeezing the shit out of her voluptuous ass.

“Fair point. You're enjoying it though.” I point out correctly as I see Nightmare smiling contently and moaning quietly.

“Shut up!” She snaps and forces herself not to look. It doesn't really bother me too much considering its fake.

'Or is it?’

….

IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME BECAUSE ITS FAKE!

“I wonder what else the hatchling's mind cooked up in our absence” Nightmare seems to shudder.

“Who cares about that. Want to keep dreamwalking? This is actually kind of fun.” I have a genuine smile that surprises Nightmare and seemingly calms her.

“Actually...I'd love to.” Nightmare smiles back at me.

“Maybe go see what Twi’s mind cooked up?” I suggest. She's about to open her mouth but she stops when the sun starts to rise and slowly fill the room with light through the window.

“I'm afraid it will have to wait until next Time..” Nightmare sighs, looking a bit disappointed.

“Heh oh well. It was indeed fun while it lasted.” I shrug.

“Before I pull us out you must promise me something.” Nightmare looks quite serious.

“Huh?” I blink.

“You must not speak of this activity to Luna…” Nightmare averts her eyes from me.

“What do you mean? I thought the dream walking thing was fine.” I furrow a brow.

“The spell is not for eavesdropping. It is supposed to be used to combat nightmares” She explains.

“Soo….you?” I raise a brow.

“No... ACTUAL nightmares.” She shakes her head.

“Yeah. You.” I repeat with a straight face. Nightmare gives me an annoyed look and I snicker.

“I'm going to assume that was a poor attempt at a joke.” She's Unamused, almost looking offended.

“Yeah but it's not my fault it's your name. Maybe I should call you something else...like Nina or Naomi...or just Night.” I rub my Chin.

“You won't if you like your tongue where it is.” Her eye twitches.

“Or not.” I gulp as the world around us begins to fade as our bodies are likely waking up. Everything begins to phase out completely into black and once again I feel gravity's influence.

I now feel something heavy on top of me…

…

No…

I slowly open my eyes and notice most of my vision is blocked by dark blue fur that seems to shift when I try to move.

Nooooo…..

I realize a mare is on top of me and she leans back to look at me. Nightmare's very sleepy Eyes turn into dinner plates when we make eye contact.

…

…

...

We Silently stare each other down, sharing an equal case of embarrassed red cheeks. I remove my hand from her ass as she removes her tail from my pants, our breathing hitching when we do. Nightmare slowly stands up and removes her wings from me as I scoot back on the bed slightly and sit up. Without a word she fades into smoke leaving me sitting there in silence.

…

Well...that just happened. This is going to be an awkward conversation next time we meet.

…

Also this case of morning wood Is making me question my existence.

I sit up in the bed and freeze when I hear a tiny yawn. My head darts to the “baby” Drake that has just awoken. He rubs his eyes and looks around the room. My heart freezes when he spots me and stops dead. I see his face shift from surprise to a fierce suspicious glare inside a 2 second span.

“Heh hey there kiddo-”

“TWILIGHT!” Spike screams at the top of his lungs. A second later I hear the sound of someone busting Their ass in the next room followed by a loud electrical Zap as Twilight appears in a Flash of light. She looked like she was still half asleep and her normal neat mane was quite messy.

“Spike what is it?” She yawns as she rubs her eyes with her hoof. Spike says nothing and simply points a Shaky claw at me.

“Mornin.” I blink as Twilight turns to me. She blinks and sighs before turning to Spike.

“Spike this is my Human friend DJ. I let him stay for the night. There's nothing to be afraid of.” Twilight shakes her head.

“None of that sentence made any sense.” Spike deadpans.

“Well that's what happens when a Drake decides to miss out on everything and sleep all day.” Twilight quips as she starts to leave the room.

“I was sleepy!” Spike Looks slightly ashamed.

“Yeah yeah. Come downstairs and help me get breakfast Started.” Twilight yawns as she walks over to the door.

“We're just gonna gloss over the completely mythical creature sitting in the room?” Spike's eye twitches.

“I'll fill you in on what you missed during your hibernation.” Twilight turns and raises a brow.

“Geez it was just a day…” Spike grumbles as he gets up out of his bed and takes his little ass out of the room. Twilight looks at me and smiles.

“Did you sleep well?” She asks hopefully.

“It took me a while to fall asleep but yeah….mostly. “I scratch the back of my neck and smile nervously as I think back to the incident with Nightmare.

“Well at least you got some sleep. Ready for breakfast?” She tilts her head.

“I'm not sure Twilight. I should probably get going…” I say glancing away at my bag. When I look back I see Twilight's ears have lowered slightly.

“Why are you in a rush? You should have time to eat something at least.” Twilight seems to pout. Dammit that face is hard to resist!

“Alright if you insist.” I give in when I feel how hungry I am. Which I find odd because of how ridiculously stuffed I was a few hours prior.

“Would you like anything in particular? Maybe some pancakes? Cereal? Eggs?” Twilight asks her ears returning to normal.

“Pancakes are fine.” I say quietly. Looking down at my hands.

“Alright it should be ready soon. “ Twilight turns and is about to walk out.

“Hey Twilight.” I call out to her making her stop.

“Yes DJ?” Her ears perk up as she looks at me curiously.

“Thanks for your hospitality...I really appreciate it.” I tell her still fiddling with my hands.

“You're welcome DJ.” She Smiles warmly before trotting off Quite happily. I remain silent as I slowly lay back again and stare up at the ceiling.

So this is my life now? Living in a society of Ponies. At this point I have to accept the fact I'm stuck and it will be quite a hard pill to swallow. Hopefully with time I can crawl out of this grand canyon size pit of depression I'm in right now.

I turn over in the bed and grab my phone off of the dresser I left it on and I check the battery I cringe when I see it's at 49% percent and I promptly shut it off to conserve it's life. Until I'm sure I can recharge the battery reliably I can't afford to use up the last of my energy just yet.

'You could be like those fruitcakes that think you can charge your phone with a Watermelon’

Do they even have Watermelon here?

My thoughts are scrambled whenever I smell the familiar intoxicating aroma given off by Pancakes and Eggs.

'Scrambled. Really?’

Yeah let's redo that one.

My thoughts were...wait a second I feel something. It reminds of that spine tingling feeling I got before I met Celestia for the first time. I seem to have an immediate flashback as I remember her telling me she'd check on me in the morning last night.

Definitely morning now.

…

Crap baskets.

My heart rate starts to increase asi shoot out of bed and try to think of possible exits. The window in this room doesn't even look like it opens so I rush out into the hallway. I take a calming breath and briefly close my eyes.

Hold on a second.

What the hell am I doing? It's just the Princess. Sure my first impression of her was kinda questionable but she's coming to check if I'm alright, taking time out of her probably busy schedule to see some human. I should be somewhat greatful at least.

‘...’

What?

‘Spiky. Mind. Dildo.’

…

…

…

Nope.

Gotta get the fuck outta here. I hear the sound of people talking downstairs already which proves how tuned out I was. As I run down the hallway I almost run Spike’s little ass right over.

“Hey!” Spike snaps loudly.

“Shhh!” I kneel down and shush him.

“What's your problem?” Spike demands as he folds his arms.

“Nothing. What do you want?” I ask Quietly.

“Twilight sent me up here to ask you to come down. Food is ready.” Spike says with a furrowed brow.

“Sweet!” I take a step towards the stairs and stop dead when I hear more people talking. “Uh spike?” I turn to him. He's got his little arms folded and he's tapping his foot impatiently.

“What?” He raises a brow.

“Who exactly is down there with Twilight right now?” I ask carefully.

“Princess Celestia.” He answers like it's obvious. My pupils shrink and my look of horror gets him to double take.

“You look like you've seen a ghost.” Spike observes.

“Spike I know we just met but I need a favor from you.” I put my hands on his tiny little shoulders.

“What exactly?” He's clearly creeped out as he pushes my hands away.

“I need you to stall for me.” I ask.

“Stall? What? What's the matter with you? “ He steps back.

“I'd like to avoid this encounter.” I tell him honestly.

“What the heck am I supposed to tell the Princess? Oh sorry he's sick come back later?” Spike deadpans.

“I dunno just tell her I'm not here or something. “ I shrug and walk past the stairs.

“But this is A Princess we're talking about. I can't just lie like that.” Spike shakes his head. Realizing this isn't going to work I sigh and clear my throat.

“Forget it. I'm out.” I start to walk past the stairs Again.

“But the Princess wants to see you.” Spike Reminds.

“The Princess can Go F-” I stop dead in my tracks when I see Twilight and Celestia looking up at me from the bottom of the stairs both of them looking Quite surprised.

“-Orget what I said! Need to wash up excuse me.” I smile nervously as I quickly walk past the now smug Spike and into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.

'Smooth.’

Yeah...a smooth fuck up alright. My situational awareness has become pretty narrow recently. Why didn't I Just suck it up and go downstairs? Now I'm stuck in here! I notice a small window in the bathroom and I let out a sigh of relief. Well I guess I'm not quite stuck After All!

I manage to open it and I see that I can fit through it if I'm careful enough. With my hand on the windowsill I stop for a moment to think about this whole thing. Where am I planning to go if I escape?

'Lyra?’

No this plan is fucked. Just go back and-

“DJ? Are you feeling alright?” Celestia asks from the other side of the door making me shudder. I think back to the last time I tried to make a daring escape and I sigh when I remember getting absolutely nowhere. I decide to man up and not do some crazy highjinx. I step out of the bathroom startling Celestia who takes a few steps back as I step into the hallway. She looks at me with her magical floating mane blowing in that bullshit non-exist wind- don't even get me started on why I will never get over that, as cool as it looks.

“Morning Princess. Im...fine.” I say so flatly that I can't even convince myself if I was telling the truth or not there. I try to avoid her gaze but eventually or eyes meet and I get that painful sting in my head again.

“You don't sound-” Celestia trails off with a quiet Gasp. She has an absolutely horrified look most likely from something she read off my mind. Hell if I know what she saw, considering my mind ever since I almost offed myself is the equivalent of Niagara falls, if all the water was replaced by reasons I miss earth and want to die. What could she possibly have seen?

…

…

...

Fuck.

“Can we stop with the damn mind reading already? It gives me a headache.” I snap in annoyance deciding to nip this shit in the bud right now. Celestia looks me in the eye, her ears are flat on her skull but this time I feel no spine tingling pain to accompany it. I can finally look into her beautiful magenta eyes without fear and I notice something Immediately.

They are wet.

“Derick I'm so sorry…” She says in a sympathetic tone.

“Look...I know what you saw. I'm over it already.” I say firmly.

“But you clearly are not..” Celestia points out with disturbing accuracy.

“I appreciate your concern but I don't wish to discuss it.” I interrupt sharply. The miserable look on her face right now honestly makes me regret my word choice heavily.

'Should have jumped out the window’

Should have pulled that fucking trigger.

“Is everything alright?” Twilight comes up the stairs and is behind Celestia who has her back to Twilight as she Continues to look at me.

“Yeah everything is fine. Uh did you say food was ready?” I slide my hands in my pockets and smile at Twilight slightly.

“Yes. I was hoping you and Princess Celestia would come get some before it got cold.” Twilight says.

“And we are.” I say as I walk past Celestia. Twilight smiles and trots down the stairs, I go to follow her but I stop on the first step and look back at Celestia. “Your Highness?” I call out to her softly. She uses her foreleg to wipe a tear from her eye and she straightens her composure.

“Coming.” She gives me a slight nod.

“Awesome sauce!” I smile as I continue down the stairs. I walk a few feet and stop at the bottom of the stairs only to find Celestia still at the top. Now I frown.

“What is it now?” I raise a brow.

“Awesome sauce?” Celestia looks bemused.

“Sauce that is also awesome. Come on it's self explanatory.” I shake my head.

“But why?” She starts to walk down the stairs.

“Why not? You hating on my sauce?” I joke.

“No?” Celestia blinks.

“Good. Because my sauce is boss.” I continue into the living room using my nose to locate Twilight's kitchen. I hear Celestia walk down the stairs.

“I thought it was awesome.” I Finally get a smile out of Celestia.

“Yeah. It is awesome. And boss simultaneously.” I say as I walk through a doorway and finally find Twilight's small kitchen. To my surprise it seems to have all your basic appliances like your fridge toaster and oven. I don't see a dishwasher which makes me wonder if they exist in Equestria at all.

“If you say so.” I hear Celestia say behind me. As I see 4 plates at the table, two of which are being eaten by Twilight and Spike. In spikes case it was more like inhaling rather than eating.

“Jesus Christ slow down before you hurt yourself!” My eyes widen and they stop to look at me, there's a large wad of syrup dripping down from Spike's mouth.

“Jesus Christ?” Twilight looks bemused, she's using telekinesis to eat with a fork Quite neatly.

“It's the Son of God for the Christian relig-Ugh never mind that.” I shake my head as I sit next to Twilight. Celestia sits down next to Spike and across the table from me. I notice Celestia still looks quite bothered she stares down quietly at her pancakes.

“Human religion? That sounds interesting.” Twilight smiles warmly.

“I'd rather not get into that... besides. Me being here stamps on all of the various beliefs anyway.” I deadpan as I grab a fork.

'Unless this is hell.’

If I'm honest this is a kick-ass hell considering the ones from various religions.

“Hm... interesting.” Twilight mumbles as she looks at the Princess. “Princess Celestia are you feeling ok? You haven't touched your pancakes.” Twilight looks at Celestia with worry.

“I'm quite alright. There's just a few things on my mind is all.” Celestia gives Twilight a heartwarming smile. “Don't worry about it.” Celestia tells Twilight. Twilight can't help but smile whenever Celestia takes a bite of the Pancakes and Smiles.

“How is it?” Twilight asks her.

“Delicious as always my faithful student.” Celestia complements. As they talk I slowly cut a stack, bring it to my face and put it in my mouth. I'm pleasantly surprised to find that they taste like earth pancakes possibly even better. I find myself eating faster than I usually do which makes sense considering this is the first real meal I've had since getting here that isn't straight junk food. I'm halfway finished before Twilight clears her throat.

“I see you're taking a liking to those.” Twilight smiles at me.

“They're pretty googh..” I mumble with food in my mouth. I hear Twilight giggle and Spike snicker prompting me to remember my manners and finish chewing.

“I'm Glad you like it!” Twilight looks absolutely elated.

“Did you make the mix yourself or do you ponies buy it premade?” I ask curiously.

“I used to buy the mix at the market but eventually I studied the formula for the mix and created my own version based off it. I believe it's vastly superior so far, Though next time I think I'll add a tad more Hay. “Twilight Explains.

“Huh.” I mutter after swallowing the last bit of pancake.

…

…

Hay….

…

...

“Um Twilight?” I'm pale as I turn to her.

“Yes?” Her smile fades some when she sees the stress on my face.

“Want to know a fun fact about Humans?” I feel a cold shiver down my back.

“Yes of course!” Twilight looks A Bit excited Again.

“We're not supposed to eat hay…” I state quietly.

“Oh….” Twilight's ears smack her skull.

“...” I look around blankly and Notice Spike looking surprised while Celestia is cringing Quite hard.

“You're not gonna die right?” Twilight asks very worriedly.

“Uh...no?” I raise a brow.

“You don't sound sure DJ.” Twilight's pupils shrink.

“I'm not.” I look back at her my own pupils shrinking.

“How do you not know!?” she raises her voice some.

“I dunno I just know Hay is not something we eat. I never needed an answer for this question because we never ate it!” I reply sharply.

“May Celestia have mercy on your soul…” Spike mumbles and continues to eat.

“Wat?” I blink. We use that phrase on Earth only with GOD instead of…

…

…

She's a GOD?!

The mind reading...the ridiculous magic...the bullshit flowing hair...the authority...it all makes COMPLETE sense now.

'Nope.’

It makes SLIGHTLY more sense!

Does that mean that Luna and Nightmare are also Gods? Wait but they split into two so that would be like a demigod? Two Smaller gods? So many questions!

“Spike don't say things like that! We should probably head to the hospital.” Twilight shoots out of her chair.

“Twilight chill out. I don't think there was enough hay in there to kill me and I haven't hurled my guts out yet so I think I'll live.” I tell her.

“Yet is the key word here.” Celestia says, finally piping up after finishing her meal. “How do you feel right now?” She asks, with clear concern.

“Fine I guess?” I shrug.

“A little warning of what's Hazardous to your kind would have been nice. What can you eat exactly?” Twilight asks with a sigh.

“Quite the variety of foods Actually. We are omnivores afterall.” I state.

“Omnivore? Doesn't that mean he eats plants and anim-” Spike trails off with a look of horror.

“We eat a variety of Grains, Fruits, Vegetables, Dairy as well as Meats and beans. Hay and Grass just isn't something that agrees with our stomachs.” I tell them. “Y'all are herbivores aren't you?” I guess.

“Indeed we are.” Twilight nods.

“Well...this could be a problem.” I sigh.

“You're not going to Spit roast me right?” Spike gulps nervously.

“No! We don't eat Dragons because they don't exist on our world and we don't eat Ponies either.” I deadpan.

“You had ponies on your world too?” Twilight gets this curious look that makes me uncomfortable.

“Yes. They just didn't talk...or have vomit Inducing color palettes.” I mutter.

“They don't talk?” Twilight raises a brow.

“On my world...on Earth... Humans were the only intelligent species.” I explain.

“Sounds... lonely.” Celestia mumbles.

“I guess.” I shrug.

“We've got a multitude of Species that are intelligent here. That's interesting.” Twilight has a notepad out and is Writing furiously with her magic. I flinch when her quill comically catches fire as she writes.

“I noticed.” I frown, the memory of Griffins from the party fresh in my mind.

“Seems to me like you don't like it much here.” Spike raises a brow.

“Not really.” I admit flatly.

“Then why don't you just go back?” Spike asks innocently. I feel my eye Twitch as my head snaps to him.

“I can't!” I snap Quite angrily making Twilight and Spike jump, Their chairs squeaking Against the floor. I see the fear and sadness in Their eyes and without looking I feel Celestia burning holes on the side of my head likely for lashing out at them. “I'm stuck here…” I sigh. Spike and Twilight share a look before Twilight turns to Celestia.

“Is...this true Princess?” Twilight asks after a long Silence.

“Unfortunately... yes it is.” Celestia sadly confirms, her ears flat on her skull.

“Oh...I'm sorry man.” Spike says carefully. I stand up from the table and pick up my plate.

“No need to apologise. It's none of your faults. Just have to move on with my life...I guess.” I take my dishes to the sink and look for a sponge.

“Just leave the dishes in there.” Spike tells me. I furrow my brow and do as he says. I fold my arms and lean against Twilight's refrigerator.

“So DJ...what does ‘moving on’ entail exactly?” Celestia asks me looking me in the eye. Twilight also looks at me and she's got this furiously curious look again as the pen and notebook float in the air behind her suspended in her magic. My god I wish she'd stop making that face she looks like someone who'd commit atrocities “for science”.

'Science face!’

We're not calling it that!

“I don't know… this place is Alien to me.” I sigh.

“Indeed it is, but that's why you've got me.” Celestia smiles warmly.

“Pardon?” I feel my pupils shrink slightly.

“I may not have the power to send you back but I Promise to help you find your way here whenever I can.” Celestia says with determination.

“That's great and all but why bother? I haven't been the nicest to you.” I admit shamefully.

“I don't really blame you for your behavior...you've just had everything stripped away from you. I couldn't imagine being in your situation but I don't think I'd be in the best of moods myself.” Celestia puts a hoof to her chest.

“It sucks all the unmentionables. But I'd like to try and move past it considering I'm stuck with it. I don't know where to begin though.” I sigh.

“Let's say that you were placed in another country inexplicably back on your world and you couldn't return to your own. Where would you start?” Celestia leans back.

“Well...I guess the basics. Get a steady source of income. Get a place. Gain citizenship...” I sigh. “Getting a job is going to be a pain considering The skills I had on Earth are completely useless here.” I frown.

“What do you mean?” Twilight furrows her brow.

“Well the type of work I did involved computers. And from what I've seen so far you ponies don't seem to have any.” I shake my head.

“That sounds like more of a Griffonian thing.” Twilight rubs her chin.

“Oh?” I raise a brow.

“Yeah. With little to no magic users Their technology is how they compensate. “Twilight explains. Considering the level of equin tech I've seen so far I don't think the Griffin's are too far ahead.

“Well no offense but I don't think it's quite on the same level.” I state my hunch.

“You sure about that?” Twilight raises a brow.

I squint and stand from the table. “I'll be right back.” I tell them as I exit the kitchen and quickly go upstairs, returning with my bag and my phone in my pocket. I unzip my bag and pull out my laptop that was hidden away inside it's black protective sleeve.

“What do you have there?” Celestia raises a brow.

“It's what we Humans Call a PC, meaning personal computer. This particular type is made to be portable and literally fit in our laps, hence why it's called a Laptop.” I explain.

“That's weird.” Spike's brow flattens. I look over to Twilight and she's got that creepy look again.

'Science face!’

Stop it!

“What are it's functions?” Celestia asks curiously.

“Countless. It's a calculator, Music player, Clock and calendar, Word Processor, Video Player, Camera, Gaming Device just to name a few things.” I slide it out of the sleeve and open it up. I hit the power button and start it up, hoping I remembered to charge the damn thing. I hear Chairs scoot across the room and suddenly there's two ponies and a drake next to me looking at my laptop curiously. While my laptop starts up I start to wonder what I was doing on it last.

'Porn?’

…

I'm just gonna casually slide my fingers over “Alt” and “F4” just In case.

'Maybe they wouldn't be able to comprehend What Hentai is?’

I'm pretty sure it's not hard to figure out that one of them is being dem-

“Woooah.” Spike and Twilight look Mind blown from just seeing the login screen Celestia looks a lot less surprised but is still quite curious.

“Wait...this is just the login screen. Have to put in my password.” I tell them before quickly typing it in.

“It's a bunch of dots?” Spike looks confused.

“No...the dots are just to give my password for people looking over my shoulder.” I try to explain.

“So you just use a certain amount of dots for passwords? That sounds easy to guess.” Spike still looks confused. My god it's like explain Computers to old people!

“No that's not how it works..” I sigh and hit enter and my computer quickly logs me in. “look I'll explain it another time.” I say as I bring up the calculator program.

“Huh...you weren't joking.” Celestia Comment quietly although I see her Curiosity suddenly shift into sadness as she looks elsewhere on the screen.

“Put in 2372 Times 11” Twilight squints. I put it in and Twilight gasps before giving a nod of approval when the calculator shows 26,092. I show them very briefly all the things that I mentioned even going as far to take an example picture with the webcam. They are absolutely amazed and Their reactions are actually quite amusing besides that Science face Twilight seems to get sometimes.

'So we ARE calling it that!’

Oh god Dammit.

'You mean Celestia Dammit.’

I absolutely refuse to say those words in that particular order!

The otherwise fun moment gets train wrecked when Twilight and Spike eventually get curious about my computer's background.

“So...Who exactly is that in the background? She looks kinda like you but. Different.” Spike rubs his chin.

“Is that a human female?! “ Twilight's eyes light up.

“Yeah…” I say dryly because The picture starts to drag me back into that massive pit of Depression I partially crawled out of. The image is one of my favorite pictures of Kelly, She and I were walking on the beach and she looked like a goddess in her bikini with her hair blowing in the wind and that cute smirk of hers.

“Who is that? Her mane is Magnificent!” Twilight is in awe. A glance at Celestia tells me exactly how she's feeling without a doubt. Her silence and somber look tell me she already knows exactly who this is which isn't surprising considering she's looked into my head a few times.

“Her name is Kelly.” I sigh before shutting down my laptop and Closing it making, Twilight's ears go flat and that God forsaken science face ceases to exist.

“She's pretty Hot- Uh I mean Human girls look cool.” Spike mumbles.

“Wait is that everything? I thought you were going to show us more!” Twilight seems to pout.

“I was just showing a brief rundown not a complete walkthrough.” I state as I Pack my laptop up.

“Aww come on..Can we see more please?” Twilight is giving me puppy eyes.

“Another time.” I sigh.

“Really?” Twilight brightens up as Spike and Celestia return to Their seats.

“Yeah sure... whatever.” I shrug. It's not like I've got any plans anyway so why not?

“Dude it's pretty crazy how that thing can do so much. We've got some of those things but separate.” Spike is still pretty blown away.

“Heh. If you think that's crazy I have a smaller device in my Pocket that does all of this stuff too.” I comment. Twilight freezes up, the notepad held in her magic is Writing so fast that the fire from the quill turned blue. How the whole thing hasn't gone up in her face is a complete mystery.

“Wow...this is completely opposite of the books we have on humans! they weren't the smartest bunch.” Twilight giggles.

“Yeah….well that little distraction aside I've proven my point. My skills are useless here.” I fold my arms.

“Didn't you say you could bake?” Celestia squints Abit.

“Yeah but that's nothing more than a hobby.” I say.

“well that hobby could lead into some... amazing things.~” she says with a half lidded smile that throws me off.

“Uh... please clarify?” I shudder at how the Princess looks at me.

“Weeeell you could use your baking skills to earn money. If your Baking is on par with Pinkie's you would have no shortage of loyal Customers.” Celestia says.

“Uh...Mean I Never said it was on par, Her’s just tastes similar to mine is all.” I fold an arm behind my head and scratch my neck, a modest blush on my face.

“I'm sure Mr and Mrs Cake could use the help. You should go ask them about employment.” Twilight smiles warmly. I think I've heard about them but I don't think I actually met them face to face.

“Hm...that doesn't sound so bad. It's a start at least.” I eventually shrug.

“See? Some progress already.” Celestia smiles warmly.

“I'll go do that now actually. No point in waiting.” I stand up and stretch.

“Want me to accompany you?” Twilight asks.

“Nah. I actually want to explore the place Abit. I'll find it on my own.” I tell her. I notice her ears Droop Slightly as her face falls and she looks away from me.

“Oh that's um...ok....” Twilight mumbles quietly. I walk over to her and Lightly pet her head making her ears go flat as she looks up at me.

“On second thought I can always explore solo another time. You can come along if you want.” I smile as I scratch Twilight behind the ear about in the spot that I did for Lyra. Twilight closes her eyes and emits a happy hum.

“Uuuuuuh.” Spike looks at us both funny. Twilight's eyes shoot open and her cheeks become crimson as she Immediately teleports away. I watch blankly as she appears across the kitchen at the door leading to the Living room.

“S...sure thing DJ just need to get some things!” Twilight says nervously before running off. I blink and look at Celestia who just has a slight Smirk on her face.

“What?” I Raise a brow.

“Oh nothing.” Celestia giggles prompting me to roll my eyes.

“You gonna come with us Princess?” I ask curiously.

“I would like to but everypony will make a big deal out of me being in town again and we'd attract quite a lot of attention which is something I doubt you'd like.” Celestia says.

“Soo Being a living breathing Mythical creature doesn't attract attention?” I deadpan.

“Well… MORE attention. I've got some things I have to take care of as well.” Celestia says as she stands up from her chair and approaches me. Her and Nightmare Stand at pretty much eye level with me, Celestia being slightly below and Nightmare being Slightly above.

“I guess I'll see you around then.” I say before reaching out and Petting Celestia. I only realize this may be a horrible decision considering what Nightmare did to me when I pet her. To my surprise Celestia's reaction is a lot more calm she even leans into my hand.

“You ponies really enjoy this huh?” I can't help but smile. Godly Princess or not, it seems I've found something in common with these ponies.

“Yeah...a little too much.” Spike grumbles. Celestia hums happily until my hand strays a little far and accidentally rubs The base of her horn making her emit a throaty moan. Her wings shoot open at her sides as her Pearl white cheeks turn a bright red. My eyes are dinner plates as I Quickly remove my hand and take some steps back.

“My bad Princess…” I say carefully as I witness small golden sparks shoot from the tip of her horn like a damn sparkler.

“It's q..quite alright I've got to go now. Bye!” She gallops out of the room. I slowly turn my head to Spike with a Bemused look.

“How did you do that?” Spike asks curiously.

“No idea.” I shrug.

“Ok then magic fingers. You're pretty brave to try something like that on the Princess.” Spike commends me.

“Or stupid.” I mutter as I look at my hand.

“Or a bit of both.” Spike snickers.

“Yup.” I don't even disagree as I see Twilight come back with a...saddle bag? I guess that's the pony equivalent of a backpack.

“Alright I'm ready now.” Twilight announces.

“So is your Lizard friend gonna come along?” I point at Spike.

“Dragon.” Spike corrects.

“I know what I said.” I keep a straight face.

“Nah. I've got chores to do.” Spike hops out of his little chair and walks over to the sink. I snicker Quietly whenever he pulls over a stool to step on as he starts to wash the dishes.

“You sure Spike? You could always do them later..” Twilight asks.

“Nah.” Spike shakes his head.

“Alright don't complain when you miss everything.. again.” Twilight Huff's. “Come on DJ.” Twilight seems to order before exiting the kitchen.

“Aight.” I say as I walk out. At the door I take one last look at Spike. “Later Lizard.” I quip.

“DRAGON!” I hear him snap. Unless Dragon's here aren't the big fire breathing badasses we depict them as I refuse to believe he is one.

I follow Twilight out of her home and I feel the Slightly nippy morning air as I look around and see some of Twilight's colorful neighbors out and about. I sigh and turn to the Lavender mare as she closes the door behind us and looks over to me, an excited smile on her face.

“By the way while we're out here...I need to know if there is a place I can purchase meat. My diet is going to be really troublesome otherwise.” I ask Twilight. She looks slightly uncomfortable as she approaches me.

“Yeah uh..I think some Griffin traders sell it.” Twilight mumbles.

“Can we go There too?” I ask. Twilight hesitates for Quite a few seconds as she seems uncomfortable with the idea.

“Yeah I suppose…” she Sighs.

“Uh...you could just tell me the way there if it makes you uncomfortable.” I tell her not wanting to force anything on her.

“Well I just…” her ears droop as she trails Off. As I raise my brow I hear a set of hoofs approach from behind.

“Well hello there” I hear a mare say behind me I turn my head and I'm met with the familiar sight of a Certain royal in disguise.

“Celes-”

“Tia!” Twilight chirps, Perking up immediately and coming over to the disguised Celestia. Twilight proceeds to do this greeting that I've seen multiple ponies do to each other where she basically rubs her muzzle into the other ponies, what was it called... nuzzling? Yeah that sounds Right. Thank God that none of them besides Celestia and Nightmare are tall enough to do that shit to me and if they were to try it I think I'd get whiplash from how fast I would Matrix out of it.

“Hey Twi! I was just passing by when I saw your friend here.” Tia giggles after returning the nuzzle. I watch them with my arms folded across my chest completely unamused.

“Oh this is my friend DJ he-” Twi was about to explain but I cut her off.

“Oh we are WELL acquainted already.” I say Somewhat dryly as I look Celestia in the eye who looks back at me with a smirk.

“Yes we met at Pinkie's party last night.” Tia says still staring back at me.

“Well that saves some time. We were just about to go to run some errands, want to come along?” Twilight asks.

“Twi wait a sec-” My eyes widen.

“Sure I'd love to! It's always fun when we hang out!” Tia smiles warmly.

“Whyyyy.” I groan.

“Speaking of hanging out it's been a while since you've come by the library. Is everything alright?” Twilight asks.

“Twi can we-” I beg.

“Oh I've just been quite busy with work lately, the last few days have been a mess.” Tia rubs her forehead.

“Am I being ignored?” My brow twitches.

“Oh...sorry to hear that.” Twilight's ears droop Abit.

“Holy shit I am.” I blink.

“It hasn't been all bad. I'm on top of everything now.” Tia smiles proudly.

“Should have pulled the tri-” I start to grumble.

“Glad to hear it. I believe I forgot something in the house so please give me a moment.” Twilight says before quickly trotting over to her house. When she's gone I immediately glare at Tia.

“Let me guess. You as her so called teacher use this form as a way to observe her behavior in the absence of your highness?” I put my hands in my pocket and look quite stoic.

“Well I have a multitude of ways I could go about that. This Is just the most fun option.” She smiles at me.

“I'mma tell her.” I say casually.

“You wouldn't..” Celestia gasps.

“I would.” I smirk.

“DJ please don't!” Tia's ears Droop.

“Why not?” a mischievous smile on my face.

“It would ruin Everything!” Tia almost looks pouty.

“That's the point.” I snicker slightly.

“If you tell her I'll…” she trails Off.

“Project Demonic images so disturbing into my head that they'd make me go insane as I question my own existence?” I purposely make an outlandish fake guess.

“Precisely.” She answers with a smile.

“....What…?” I blink.

“What?” She looks innocent

“WHAT?!” I blurt

“I'm kidding DJ. However...” I see Her smile mischievously which pretty much tiggers all my internal alarms.

“Hmm?” I Squint.

“If you wish to be that way...you're not the only one who can play the blackmail game.” She's got an oddly erotic Smirk.

“Huh?” I blink and feel my cheeks color slightly. What dirt could she possibly have on me?

“I understand that you and Nightmare moon had a interesting night~” she begins.

“I know exactly where you going with this.” I frown. Celestia giggles and steps over next to me leaning on my leg.

“My my...You're covered in her scent too. How adorable~” Celestia sniffs me.

“Alright what do you want?” I sigh in defeat as I look into her Magenta eyes. They're almost hypnotic in a way.

“Oh nothing. I'm just Quite curious as to what happened between you two. I've noticed she returned the bag she found in the everfree to you as well.~” Celestia points out.

“So what? “ I'm blushing now as I glare down at her.

“That bag was vaulted and sealed away. She retrieved it without even informing us.” Celestia explains.

“What you want it back?” I frown.

“No. I just think it's fascinating that she did that for you.” Celestia purrs.

“It doesn't mean anything..” my brow twitches in annoyance.

“Mmm sure it doesn't” She Giggles.

“Yeah sure..” I don't quite believe her as I look away from her. “by the way. Why is it you were constantly reading my mind anyway?” I ask curiously.

“I've become so skilled at it that I can do it subconsciously most times. It helps when dealing with suspicious individuals, although it's usually completely unnoticeable to those I look at.” Celestia explains.

“It gives me Raging headaches.” I deadpan.

“I apologise...I promise not to do it to you anymore.” Tia giggles.

“I don't believe you at all but Ok.” I tell her honestly. Her ears Droop slightly.

“Im serious!” She nudges my leg Again.

“Uh huh.” I'm unphased as she leans on me. Honestly her slightly pouty look is kind of adorable it's hard to believe I'm basically talking to a Goddess. I never imagined talking to someone with that status would be so...casual? Before I know it I'm reaching my hand out to pet her head again. Why do I keep petting these damn Ponies? I wish could answer that one myself.

“I see you two are getting along well.” I hear Twilight say from behind us.

“Indeed!” Tia says happily.

“Not at all.” I Deadpan.

“Oh come now DJ.” Tia giggles.

“Alright everypony. Let's get going!” Twilight smiles warmly and starts to lead the way. Tia gallops over to catch up to Twilight and I just sigh and put my hands in my pockets, following at my own pace. Man these ponies are truly something aren't they? And I have to live with them for the foreseeable future. I'm more worried about this other thing I'm noticing. What is that thing you ask? Well I've been staring at Their asses jiggling with each step this entire time. Even after I realized this I continue to stare.

Something is definitely wrong with me- OH GOD MY STOMACH!

“Girls….ya boy has to g...g..go.” I tell them as I clutch my stomach in pain.

“What do you mean go? We're on our way to…” Twilight trails off when they both turn to me and realize the problem their eyes widen.

“We should probably pick up the pace.” Tia suggests.

“NO SHIT!” I grunt angrily. This sets the tone for how the day is gonna go and I'm already not liking it.

Author's Note

This one took an obscene amount of time because of me being too busy/lazy which probably led to a "meh" chapter. Hopefully the next one doesn't take as long.

-1- The Prelude of Happiness

I wake up to the sound of my annoying alarm ringing. That obnoxious beeping that marks the beginning of everyone's day...except for those early bird people who wake up at 5 automatically, y'all are weird.

Anyways, my name is Derrick, but you can just call me… Uhg, hold on just a moment; let me turn this damn thing off first, or I am liable to get a headache...

I Grumble as I reach out to my alarm clock, which is merely inches out of of my reach, I placed it tauntingly close, yet, far enough to where turning it off would be enough of a pain in my lazy ass, just barely enough to coax me awake. Today, unfortunately wasn't going to be easy day judging by how it's starting.

“Oh my god! What the bitch is wrong with you!?” I say in angered frustration, instead of being greeted by silence when I press the button, it decides to continue to sing the obnoxious song of its people. Why does it have to be today that you pull this shit..?

I press it again several times before eventually realizing that the button is stuck.

“For the love of all things holy; just shut the hell up!” I beg, reaching out to it more, leaning dangerously far off the bed.

‘You know you could just...I don't know...get up?’

Shut up brain! Just….a little… Furt-

'This is going to end well.’

Gravity decides to say hello by making me flop off the bed onto my hard floor with a loud thump, followed by my alarm sliding off my dresser and hitting me in the head, finally putting an end to its beeping.

“Ow…” I say aloud as I slowly push myself up and rub my head. I grab the alarm move it back to its position on my dresser….only for it to go off AGAIN. Never have i had such overwhelming satisfaction from unplugging something in my entire life.

Note to self; only use my phone alarm from now on.

Speaking of my phone…

I look back to my dresser and see the notification light blinking on my phone and I quickly unplug it and snatch it away.

Let's see here...Emails...Facebook… Instagram….Twitter…. Blah blah blah... OH! Kelly texted me. She's one of my best friends all the way back since middle school! We even...er...did somethings back in the da-ANYWAYS. Let's see what she said.

“WAKE YOUR LAZY ASS UPPP DJ >:C”

…

Hm...

Well fuck…

I groan as I lightly toss my phone aside, attempting to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I sit upright in my bed for a few moments letting out a yawn before my phone starts blaring my ringtone, making me jump. I reach for my phone and accidentally knock it off the bed and as I'm reaching for it I end up toppling right off the side and hitting the floor with a loud and painful thump.

“Oh what now..” I grumble as I pick it up from the floor and slide the answer icon across the screen.

“Hello?” I say sheepishly, somewhat fearful of what I'm going to hear next.

“Good afternoon.” I hear my friend kelly say calmly on the other end.

“Um... good afternoon?” I say. We don't usually bother with the polite greetings so that makes me even more worried.

“So….” She starts to say.

“So?” I respond.

“Where are you at?” She asks next. I hesitate to answer.

“Uh...my house?” I blink.

“I knew it! What happened to 'oh I'll be there in the afternoon?” she blurts.

“Kell. It's 12:01” I deadpan.

“In the Afternoon!” she repeats.

“And? Look I said I was coming didn't I? Wouldn't want to miss your awesome cooking.” I smirk.

“Oh yeah? Well did someone forget about the buttload of traffic that ensues if you don't get here before 2?” she reminds.

“...” my eyes widen.

“I thought so.” She sighs.

“This is gonna suck…” I mumble

“Well I think somebody should get moving..” Kelly suggests.

“Hey it's not my fault you live up in the boonies.” I quip.

“DJ don't act like you didn't grow up in the South...we went to the same school!” Kelly retorts.

“Yeah but…” I try to say

“Don't give me that shit DJ.” Kelly says in an annoyed tone.

“Well now you sound like Austin.” I blink.

“Leave him out of this…” Kelly laughs.

“Alright then I'm getting dressed right now, didn't realize you missed my baking so much.” I stand up off the bed.

“Maybe it's something else I missed~” she says in a sensual manner.

“Oh…” my cheeks color.

“Get over here and find out.” She says before hanging up. I let out a long sigh and stand there for a moment.

I feel like we use this friend label a bit too loosely now…

'you know you love it'

That I very much do.

I quickly get dressed and pack up my laptop and some clothes, then I open my room door only to find my cat staring up at me.

“Hey there Tom!” I smile and kneel down to pet him. He Lets out an annoyed meow and moves his head away from my hand, his tail whipping back and forth.

“Ugh...alright but i swear you're not getting anymore for a while.” I declare, recognizing his behavior as him being hungry. Not sure why i Expected affection out of him considering this is how he treats me. Get a cat they said...it's way better than a dog they said..

‘Least you don't have a Puppy that shits all over the place’

Hm. Fair point.

I walk downstairs and tom follows me, Patiently pacing behind me. I ponder whether i should take him with me or not, he's usually fine here by himself but when i got to kelly's house i have a nasty habit of staying a bit longer at her request.

My Phone suddenly buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out as I reach the bottom of the stairs. When i unlock it and look, i see a text from kelly.

‘Make sure you bring that adorable little furball with you’

I deadpan and slowly turn to tom who is just passively looking up at me.

“Meow”

“Fuck you”

I sigh and Open up a small tuna can to tide him over while i start gathering a few things that he'll need while we are there. I really start to rush now considering that 30 minutes have already gone by and it's an hour plus drive. The traffic really does get ridiculous, So i get all my various bags and pussy-er cat in the car and pull out.

‘That sentence was just...no’

SHUT UP BRAIN. NARRATING HERE.

‘Did you just break the 4th wall?’

SHH!

... Later in my car...

Tom is sitting in the seat across from me calmly tucked away under his little cat bed. A small smile curls onto my lips as i turn back to the road. It doesn't take me long to make it to The highway from my place so from there it's just a patient cruise. I Connect my phone to my car via Bluetooth and i simply hit shuffle and just drive.

I'm not sure how much time has gone by but eventually Someone calls me again and interrupts my favorite song. Can you guess who?

“Yes yes i'm on the road. 20 minutes out. Furball in tow. What is it now? “ I answer kelly right off the bat.

“Hello to you too…” Kelly says bitterly.

“What? I knew you were going to ask.” I smirk.

“I noticed. I was just calling you to remind you to get the usual supplies from the store. You didn't forget right?” She asks me.

“...” i feel a bead of sweat drip down my forehead.

“Derrick?” She calls out.

“uh...Yeah totally didn't Forget the baking stuff.” I say immediately pulling into the first Off ramp.

“You're pulling over right now aren't you.” She says flatly.

“Naw.” I say as I exit and quickly turn into the first supermarket i see.

“Uh huh. Well anyway I'll be waiting for you.” She says getting that normal excitement back in her voice.

“OK I'll see you soon.” I say, hanging up before she can say anything else. Time to make the quickest grocery run ever!

...30 minutes later…

After navigating the long trail through Kelly's land I finally pull up to her house, plopped in the middle of at least 100 acres of woods neither of us have fully explored yet. I park my car, apply the brake and cut the ignition, popping my door open to get some fresh air. I look to Kelly's porch and see her peek from the window. When she sees me she quickly unlocks her door and runs outside… with nothing but her underwear and a hoodie.

“DJ!” She has a warm smile as she runs over to me She's a petite, curvy, cute, and confident...redhead?

“Did you dye your hair?” I raise a brow as she leans on the side of my car.

“No I just woke up an anime protagonist.” She says sarcastically.

“Damn I hate it when that happens.” I play along and run my fingers through my black hair.

“Yeah you're like the generic harem protagonist, black hair and everything. Gets all the Women within a 50 mile radius just from breathing.” She folds her arms.

“Yup swimming in pussy...all day everyday.” I say as I grab Tom from the passenger seat. Kelly and I look at each other each of us trying not to laugh.

“god that was so lame..” I admit as I start to laugh, kelly laughs along with me. When we stop kelly steps closer and pulls me by the arm out of the car.

“Hey watch it!” I say as I almost drop tom and stand up tall. A smile curls onto Kelly's face as she starts to hug me tightly and dig her head into my chest. I blush and slowly wrap an arm around her. Tom kinda just sits there confused as hell.

“Your hair looks really nice by the way.” I say and she looks up at me and smiles warmly her cheeks coloring.

“You like it?” She asks staring deeply into my eyes with that adorable smile of hers.

“Yeah it's cute I smile back my cheeks slightly red. She giggles and hugs me tighter and I start to get a nervous smile. “Uh so...are we just going to stand here or?” I start to ask when quite a bit of time goes by.

“Shhh” she shushes me.

“But…” I say sheepishly.

“Just enjoy the moment.” she says.

“But this is getting awkward now.” I start to pull away.

“Shutup.” her grip tightens dangerously.

“...” I swallow my spit.

“...” kelly let's out a content sigh.

“Meow.” Tom decides to remind us of his presence.

“Nobody asked you” I frown.

“What?!” Kelly looks up at me in confusion.

“Nothing. Can you at least help me get my stuff inside before you hug me to death?”

“Yeah sure.” She finally let's go of me and allows me to breathe. She holds her arms out for Tom and I shrug, handing him over.

“Hey there little Tommy did ya miss me?” She has a cutesy tone as she pets him and the unloyal bastard actually purrs for her. I grab some bags and I look at her with a raised brow.

“So about that assistance…” I narrow my eyes and Kelly smirks.

“What? I'm helping aren't I?” She says as she turns and carries Tom into the house. I deadpan and stand there silently.

'you could be cuddling right now but nooooo someone had to complain’

Shut. The. Hell. Up.

I manage to pick up all my bags and carefully walk up to her porch. I'm about to attempt to open it but the door suddenly swings open and a bigass dog tackles me, knocking me flat on my ass.

“What the fuck?!” I say as the dog begins to make my face a puddle of dog dribble.

“Dozer no!” Kelly pokes her head out of the door and shouts at her dog.

“Get Kujo off of me! I complian trying to shield my face from dribbilfication. Kelly eventually gets over to us and pulls dozer by the collar.

“No dozer. Sit!” She snaps her fingers and dozer sits with a sad look on his face. “Bad boy! Go inside!” Kelly orders. The dog puts his tail between his legs and slowly walks back into the house.

“You know I feel bad for him now…” I dust myself off and pick my bags up again.

“Eh you know how dogs are, he'll forget this in like 5 minutes.” Kelly giggles. I shrug and walk into her house.

Her house is an expansive 6 bedroom paradise that's been in her family for generations. She had it renovated a while ago to make it a bit more modern but it still has that “classic” feel.

“I'll get you something to wipe that slop off with before it dries.” Kelly puts Tom down and goes to her kitchen. When I come over I usually stay in one of the rooms downstairs... Assuming I don't pass out on the couch anyway. I come into the neat guest room and put my things down.

“Are Austin and Mike coming over?” I ask curiously as I come back out of the room. Kelly comes over and hands me a washcloth and I gladly wipe the dog slobber from my face.

“Probably tomorrow. It's just you and me tonight~” she pokes my chest. I overlooked her flirtatious tone and fold my arms.

“And your oversized Chihuahua and my ungrateful ass pussy.” I say as tom comes over to Kelly’s side. Kelly picks Tom up and raises a brow.

“Is he really that much of a problem? I could keep him for you.” She asks.

“Naw he fills that... void.” I tell her carefully as I bring the groceries into the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” Kelly looks at me and raises a brow as she pets Tom's head.

“Well it uh...gets kinda lonely at my place sometimes is all.” I mumble as I start taking the ingredients out and sorting them. Kelly comes next to me and grabs my arm.

“Dawwww DJ gets lonely?” She uses a condescending tone as she rubs my back to “comfort” me.

“For fucks sake…” I grumble.

“You're so lonely...You have nobody..To call your ooown” she starts to sing.

“I can fuck around and not make this cake you know.” I say calmly. Kelly stops and deadpans.

“I'm just kidding DJ.” she groans

“I'm just kidding about baking this cake.” I tell her.

“What happened to your sense of humor?” she frowns.

“What happened to your diet?” I quip.

“...” she goes silent.

“You're too easy Kell” I chuckle. She punches my arm and walks off in an attempt to make me think she's actually mad but I can see her trying to contain her laughter.

“Why did you remind me?” Kelly sighs.

“What? You really forgot?” I raise a brow.

“Eh... Maybe.” She smiles nervously.

“Unbelievable.” I shake my head. With all my ingredients organized I walk over to the oven and turn the knob to a suitable temperature to preheat, then I start working on making the cake mix. Kelly sits down on her couch and starts up her TV.

“What do you wanna do Johnny?” Kelly asks.

“I want to bake this cake.” I Mumble as I try and get the balance of ingredients perfect.

“I mean after its in the Oven.” Kelly turns back to me.

“I dunno eat it?” I shrug. Kelly deadpans and stares at me as I begin mixing.

“What?!” I hold an arm out innocently. Kelly gets a mischievous look as she gets up and comes over to me.

“Johnny.” she wraps an arm around me.

“DJ” I correct calmly.

“Johnny…” she repeats with a grin.

“Stop calling me that” I frown.

“What? it's cute.” She says innocently.

“It's not my name though” I state in annoyance

“ You're right. It's your middle name” she points out happily.

“Ugh….” I sigh and take the spoon out of the bowl , finally satisfied with the mix.

“Can I lick the spoon?” She asks. I blink and turn to her with red cheeks and she frowns.

“Wha?” My eye twitches.

“And no I don't mean your spoon I ment the mixing spoon.” She points to it looking quite annoyed with me.

“I wasn't thinking that.” I lie.

“Yes you were.” She sees straight through me. We stare at each other and I finally surrender the spoon to her. She smiles again and happily licks the batter off it.

'What the mouth do though’

SHUT UP!

“this is pretty good!” Kelly giggles as I just watch in silence. She raises a brow and looks at me in confusion.

“What?” She has a very slight look of mischief. I open my mouth to speak but my phone starts ringing in my pocket. I grab it to see I have a call from Austin, my friend in the Marines who is currently on leave. I slide the icon across the screen to answer.

“Bruuuuuuuuuuh” my friend Mike comes in loudly through my phone's speaker making Kelly and I flinch. This is how I knew the conversation might go a bit south.

“Is that you Mike?” I ask in confusion.

“You know it.” My friend of the darker variety confirms.

“Hold on why are you using Austin's phone? Did you get him from the airport already?” I ask.

“Yeah he's right here. My phone broke and-” he starts.

“Again??” I blurt.

“Yes again…” I hear Austin say in the background in an annoyed tone.

“H-how? This is like your 4th one?!” I'm absolutely dumbfounded.

“He goes through phones like you used to go through girlfriends DJ. “I hear Austin quip. I deadpan when Mike starts to laugh and Kelly snickers loudly. I put a finger over my mouth to shush her.

“Yo was that Kelly?” Mike asks.

“Naw.” I smile nervously.

“Uh huh I bet you're at her place right now.” Mike guesses.

“Maybe.” I say quietly.

“When are you not over there now days?” Mike asks.

“Now.” I lie

“What? What did I miss?” Austin says cluelessly.

“Yo you've been out of the loop. DJ and Kelly got really close while you were away.” Mike says.

“Oh really?” Austin says in disbelief.

“I'm serious bruh you should see them, they act just like a couple and I swear they have to be an item by now. Id even bet you money that he tapped that ass” Mike foolishly mentions. Kelly and I slowly turn to each other our cheeks as red as roses.

“How much?” Austin asks with a slight twang to his voice.

“A lot…” Mike starts placing bets.

'Well...He isn't WRONG.’

I need new friends.

“Mike, shut the hell up.” I shake my head.

“you know it's true my guy and if I'm wrong I'd be happy to take her off your hands.” Mike quips.

“I don't think so Mike.” Kelly chimes in. Austin starts to laugh as Mike goes silent.

“Oh…” Mike says quietly in a hurt tone.

“There's a reason you're single bro…” Austin quips.

“Shut the hell up Austin when's the last time you went on a date bruh?” Mike retaliates angrily. I decide to end this conversation before Austin hurts Mike's feeling with his come back.

“Yo Mike I heard about you.” I say.

“What?” He says.

“I heard you eat the booty like groceries bruh.” I state.

“...” Mike goes dead silent. I hear Austin choking on a drink in the background and Kelly starts dying with laughter.

“WHAT!?” Austin finally recovers.

“W...Who told you that.” Mike asks.

“Don't worry about it. I have my sources.” I snicker.

“Why you gotta be so savage bruh?” Mike asks quietly.

“You asked for it. Austin probably would have said something wor-” I start to say.

“So How did those dingleberries taste bro?” I hear Austin ask.

“...”

Just as he starts to laugh the call ends abruptly and Kelly and I look at each other.

My Sides are in another dimension at this point.

After we both drag ourselves off the ground I get the cake prepped and in the oven Kelly and I go to sit on the couch together. We get into our usual cuddling position where she sits on my lap and I wrap my arms around her Belly.

We both sit there silently for a while just watching the TV, But to be honest with you between Kelly's plump ass on my crotch and the comments that Mike made I wasn't really paying attention to it. Something tells me Kelly wasn't paying attention to it either as she lets out a sigh of satisfaction and lays her head on my shoulder.

“Why the hell are we watching Dora?” Kelly eventually asks.

“To be perfectly honest I was too... Distracted to realize.” I tell her.

“Same. I was thinking about what Mike said…” she looks up at me.

“Uh...I like you and all but I'm not eating your ass Kell that's a line I'm not ready to cross.” I say immediately. Kelly's eyes widen.

“Not that you idiot! There's no way I'd let you do that!” Kelly's cheeks are as red as her hair.

“Good because...Oh so I'm not good enough to eat your ass?” I raise a brow.

“...DJ…” she has a serious look.

“hm?” I look back at her.

“Are you trying to tell me something?” she asks with a raised brow.

“No I'm joking. Just a Joke” I state firmly

“Stop it for just a minute so we can have a serious conversation.” Kelly still gaises at me.

“I don't like those…” My face flattens.

“That makes two of us, but I feel like we should...clear the air.” Kelly looks away.

“OK I'm listening.” I sigh.

“So what if we actually became…” Kelly starts somewhat timidly.

'oh I see where this is going’

“More than just friends?” I finish nervously.

“Yeah…” Kelly sounds just as nervous as me.

“Um...I guess we'd...Uh…” I trail off. We stare at each other with our cheeks redder than stop signs.

“I...I think I'd be...OK with...That arrangement.” Kelly looks deep into my eyes with a hopeful look. I feel like every butterfly on earth is in my stomach as she looks at me as if waiting for an answer.

“I...Um... Think that...I have to pee.” I say scooting from under her and getting up. Her hope seems to fade some as she sighs and looks down.

“Oh alright then.” She says plainly. “I'll be right here... Waiting as always.” She says somewhat morbidly. I walk into the bathroom nearby and the moment the door closed I smacked myself in the forehead.

What the hell is wrong with me? I couldn't give the girl an answer?

'You done fucked it up!’

I very much did! Now she probably thinks that I'm uninterested! I am interested! I just...Don't know how to tell her? Ugh what is wrong with me? Alright...Time to man up I'm going to go out there and tell her that I-

'Don't want to ruin your friendship by forcing yourselfs into something you may or may not be ready for?’

…

Godammit…

I take a deep breath and walk back outside to find Kelly playing video games with a large bottle next to her. She has a very agitated look on her face as she guns down goons on her game.

Oooooh boy this is bad.

I slowly and carefully make my way over to the couch and sit next to her. She simply ignores me and keeps playing.

“Playing GTA?” I try and start a conversation.

“Yup.” She replied emotionlessly. I scoot a bit closer and take a deep breath.

“So… are you um...upset with me?” I decide to ask bluntly. Kelly flinches and gets distracted enough to let a cop get a good shot on her. I cringe when “wasted” splashes on the screen and she grumbles. She puts the controller down and turns to me.

“No DJ, I am not upset with you.” she says to my surprise.

“...” I stare

Wha?

“I'm upset with myself if anything. I shouldn't have put you in that position… I don't want to force something that you're not ready for or interested in on you.” She say sadly.

“Kell…” I feel worse now.

“I guess I was foolish to assume you shared my feelings.” She sighs.

“But Kell I..” I try to interrupt with a quiet mumble.

“ It's alright though. I don't want to make our friendship weirder than it already is so let's just continue hanging like we usually do.” She lightens up some.

“Yes but..”

The oven Alarm goes off and Kell’s face lights up.

“Oooooh! Cakes done!” she smiles wide.

“I…” my jaw hangs

“Good talk DJ! You should probably get that cake though.” Kelly pats my back.

…

That was the most one sided conversation ever. I have to tell her that I actually-

“Oh boy can't wait for that sweet fluffy Deliciousness...That's STILL in the oven.” She shoots me a look.

'Just get the woman her damn cake.’

Agreed.

I quickly get up and swooce right on into the kitchen where I grab some mitts and carefully open the oven to remove the chocolaty deliciousness from it. I carefully place it on the counter and stop for a second to admire it.

Literally every time I make something regardless of how good or bad it ends up, I find a way to shoot it down immediately. This one looks a bit uneven but it's pretty hard to notice unless you look really hard.

“What are you going to get a ruler? It's fine.” Kelly surprises me and Pats my back.

“I guess so.” I shrug.

“you don't give yourself enough credit DJ, it's going to taste amazing anyway.” Kelly assures.

“We don't know that considering we haven't tasted it” I point out.

“Well let's find out !” She says reaching for a knife.

“Hold on hit the brakes! Let it cool down a bit first.” I frown.

“But I waaaant.” Kelly sticks her lip out.

“You waaaant to burn your damn tongue?” I mock her.

“I have been waiting 2 weeks to have some of this !” She complains.

“Jesus Kell why do you like cake so much? You shot over here as soon as I touched the oven door, and you didn't even pause your damn game.” I point to the TV where her character was getting beat up by a random person.

“Because eating your cake is like having an orgasm in my mouth.” Kelly folds her arms.

“...” My cheeks turn red as my mind shoots into the gutter at Mach 5.

“Fine. I'll wait.” She sighs and briefly goes to get her bottle and comes back with two wine glasses. She pops it open and pours some for both of us.

“Oh boy. I can already see our drunken shenanigans.” I accept it and take a sip.

“I love our Drunken shenanigans though.” Kelly giggles and takes a gulp.

“Sometimes I think it's a bad thing that you inherited that aging wine cellar.” I quip. I then take a gulp and truly savor it. “Then I remember how good this shit is and I shut up.” I say with a smirk. Kelly giggles and puts her empty glass on the counter.

“So...I'll ask again my friend what shall we do this evening?” She hops up and sits on the counter.

“Cake, wine, games and lots of cuddling?” I say.

“Sounds good!” Kelly smirks.

...Some time later…

“How come you always beat me?” I ask as I look at the 2nd place icon on my side of the screen for the 10th time in a row.

“Because You suck donkey dong at Mario kart?” Kelly smiles at me.

“Don't give me that shit. I was in first place the whole time until someone decided to hit me with a blue Shell.” I frown.

“I didn't throw that!” Kelly claims innocently.

“You didn't but right after I recovered you decided to stop and take the time to throw 3 shells at me SPECIFICALLY” I point out.

“I can't aim those…” Kelly snickers.

“Bullshit…” I sigh.

“It wasn't my fault they all hit you DJ.” Kelly rests her head on my chest.

“Even so. Everyone else in that match decided to throw Their bullshit in too! “

“It was just Mario..” Kelly looks up at me with a flat brow.

“And Luigi, Bowser, Peach, Toad and Yoshi's bitch ass.i finished in last!” I correct.

“God you really need some water…” Kelly shakes her head in disappointment.

“What do you mean…” I raise a brow.

“To dilute that salt…” She smirks

“What salt...Oh I hate you so much.” I deadpan.

“No you don't.” Kelly flips around and wraps her arms around my back. I don't even flinch because I'm used to this.

“Quite the opposite normally but at this moment in time. I have never despised a living thing as much as I do you right now…” I grumble. Kelly gives me a brief look of disbelief before pulling me in for a kiss.

She catches me off guard by aggressively exploring my mouth with her tongue. She pulls away from me and gives me this sexy half lidded smirk, while I just look up at her nervously.

I'd like to know where she learned to kiss like that.

'You remember?’

Riiiiiiight

“So...Do you still hate me?~” She asks in a sultry tone.

“Hate is a S...Strong word.” I mumble as I realize that she practically hasher twins directly in my face.

“What was that?” She leans closer and smothers my face with the “girls” and I'll tell ya she could suffocate me with those... Because they ain't small.

“I don't really remember me saying that…” I say louder.

“Hm. I thought so.” Kelly leans back and looks pleased with herself.

'She really knows how to work you’

Titzzzzzz

'Oh for fucks sake’

“You look like one of those pervs in anime that get the bloody noses” Kelly starts to laugh when a drop of blood drip down my nose.

“I thought that was just bullshit!” I blurt and cover my nose. Kelly gets up and releases my crotch from the custody of her ass cheeks.

“I'll get you some tissues senpai. And some water because this is proof that you're still salty.” Kelly giggles.

“Uuuuuuuugh.” I groan angrily.

“Love ya DJ” she winks.

“Uh huh…” I deadpan and watch her walk away with a smirk on her face and silently admire her elegant curves only to realize what she said.

She loves me.

'This is news?’

No but I fucked up again! Perfect opportunity to confess!

'Eh you've got plenty of time. It's only 8:30!’

Huh that's true. But this is going to be a long night regardless. At least I know I'll have fun and maybe even get…. lucky… depending on how much we drink. And considering that new bottle I just saw Kelly open I'd say that's a yes.

On a somewhat unrelated note I've felt something... Weird ever since I got here. Like I'm being watched by something sinister. Kelly did say something about this place being haunted but neither of us believe in that shit.

I hope this isn't one of those times when I think Im wrong...But I was...Wrong.

'What even.’

I don't know where I was going with that either.

Author's Note

This time around I want to establish and paint Derrick's life before Being stuck in Equestria something I was literally too lazy to set up with my first iteration. Another key difference between this and the old one is the fact that our bud DJ enjoyed his life on Earth and will have to deal with losing it. All I'm gonna say is it will get Abit Dark later.

Just Think of this chapter as a prequel because the next chapter was the original chapter 1. For this version of the story I'd like to make it a tad more grounded and not make plot points for the sake of jokes... because I totally did that last time and regret it.

As for my long absence I guess i just kinda fell off the fandom and needed a break. Can't say how long I'll be back for I'd certainly like to finish a story for once but I don't want to promise anything. I just had some chapters ready and made Nothing but promises without delivering. So time to show what I got I guess.