Under Her Hoof
2 - A Little Glass of Water, Please
Previous ChapterNext ChapterThere was nothing quite as simple as shrinking away. Blending into the periphery, never talking, never interacting. Removing other ponies from the equation entirely meant never having to put up with even the risk of confrontation. Living life that way had been second nature to Fluttershy since early childhood. In effect, she had turned herself into a shadow. If others noticed her at all, they quickly disregarded her and went on with their lives. Of course she spent time with Rainbow Dash every now and then, her mental coupon to loneliness. As long as she had her, she had something to point to and say, yes, I do have a social life, I do spend time with other ponies. As long as Rainbow Dash tolerated her, as long as they hung out together for even a minimal amount of time, there was something to ease the guilt.
Because as adept as she was at isolating herself, Fluttershy was equally skilled at feeling guilty. Guilty about taking up other ponies time, guilty about isolating herself from them. Guilty about her cynicism. Guilty about existing.
Then the Nightmare Moon incident had happened, and Fluttershy's self-imposed, comfortable exile from society had been torn off, painfully, as had it been a particularly adhesive bandage. She had been dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light and it had stung her eyes. Suddenly being in possession of a social life meant learning a thousand social cues that seemed to come naturally to other ponies, but caused no end of frustration and tears to the poor pegasus. At times she could just scream, but she wasn't even any good at that.
She was, of course, happy about having friends, but interacting on the same level as other ponies was a lesson in frustration. Any setback seemed magnified a thousand times, especially hurdles that others overcame easily, and frustration turned into screaming, crying, raging. And when everything seems impossible, a pony can come to wish for miracles. She had sought out anything that seemed like it could be an instant, magical cure. Having gone through every self-help book available at Golden Oak Library several times over with little to no success, her search got ever more desperate. Over the course of a few months she had tried yoga, meditation, self defense classes; a myriad of exercises and activities that ponies swore had changed their lives.
At the depth of her despair, she had even bought a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres' Special; hard cider that could quite possibly be used as paint stripper, simply because Applejack had once referred to it as "liquid courage". Just a sip before social interactions to take the edge off, at least that was the idea. In reality, even a mouthful had burned her throat, caused her to have to run to a bathroom to vomit profusely, and had made her wake up with a headache that was only rivaled in intensity by the guilt of having fallen so deep that she required substances to function.
Yet it was only after having met Iron Will that Fluttershy realized she had a real problem. It was also what made her accept that there was no such thing as a miracle cure. The shameful display of having insulted her friends to the point of tears all because of a dumb inability to differentiate between assertiveness and plain bullying still all too fresh in her memory, Fluttershy did the one thing that felt the most uncomfortable to her:
She decided to ask Rarity for help. The very pony that she had, mere days earlier, showed her worst, ugliest sides.
Though she had left home just after dinner, it was early evening by the time she actually gathered the courage to knock on Rarity's door. As she had walked towards Carousel Boutique, she had suddenly remembered a number of different errands. She needed to buy postcards. She needed to buy a new bear brush, and bear shampoo and conditioner. She needed to stretch her legs and walk around the neighborhood for a bit. She needed to walk back home and check if she had turned off the stove, then upon returning home she realized that Angel always made sure that it was, and that he did, in fact, deserve a treat for his diligence in checking the stove while she was gone, so off she went to the pet store again to buy a bag of Bunnynums. Hours later, she had exhausted all excuses she could think of. The sky had turned a lovely shade of pink and purple, and soon the sun would set. Surely it was too late to knock on the door at such a late hour, so better to just go home. Try again tomorrow. She turned around to leave, but froze mid-movement.
Fluttershy was entirely aware that "tomorrow" was an all too convenient concept. "Tomorrow" was the bag she had carried around her entire life, where she had stuffed the threatening, the uncomfortable, all those myriad things that she told herself she would start working on, real soon, for sure. "Tomorrow" was a comfortable lie. But no more! Clenching her teeth, she swung around, hoof outstretched as if she was trying to punch clean through the door. As such, the first knock was entirely too loud, and was followed by a series of light, barely audible taps.
Oh Celestia oh Celestia ooh Celestia, Fluttershy thought, teeth still clenched. With some difficulty, she managed to contort her mouth into a cramped grin which would have to pass for a friendly smile. This isn't going to work, she's going to still hate you and yell at you to leave, it's best to just leave now while you still have the chance! NO Fluttershy, you'll ask her what you came here to ask or so help me I'll...
Wrestling with her own mind, her heart all but stopped when Rarity finally opened the door. The unicorn was wearing reading glasses and holding a romance novel with her levitation magic. Her expression was one of surprise and joy at seeing her friend. This was it. This was the moment. Now all she had to do was gather her courage, take a deep breath and slowly but succinctly tell her friend what she wanted to say.
"TEACH ME!" Fluttershy yelled, spraying Rarity with spittle. Her mouth was clearly acting in an entirely different tempo than her brain. Face flushed, she realized that she had made a fool of herself with just two words. Nice, she thought to herself. That's got to be a new record.
"Yes, uhm, good evening to you too, Fluttershy? Do you want to come inside?"
The pegasus sighed and nodded, dragging her hooves inside as Rarity held up the door. Visiting the fashionista in the evening normally filled Fluttershy with a subtle sense of dread. Walking through a boutique full of mannequins in daylight was nothing out of the ordinary. At dusk, setting sun casting its light through the windows and illuminating the mannequins in a way that seemed to amplify their unnatural qualities, Fluttershy felt like she had entered a forbidden, liminal space where the mannequins were supernatural beings that could at any time come alive and haunt the costumes. But today, her fear of the dark took a backseat to her still lingering shame.
"I'm so glad you came by, dear." Rarity said, voice full of concern. "After the business with that dreadful Iron Will, you've seemed, ah, unusually quiet. Are you doing alright, darling?"
"I'm..." Even after all that happened, Rarity still cared about her, she still worried about her. "That's why I'm here. I'm... I'm sorry for how I treated you and Pinkie Pie! I was terrible! I know that just saying sorry isn't enough and I know you hate me, but... I want to make sure it never, ever happens again! Ever!"
"Oh, Fluttershy, honey! I'm not mad at you!" Rarity exclaimed, giving Fluttershy a tight, warm hug. A short shudder went through the pegasus's body; something that for her was a completely normal reaction to physical contact. Regardless, she hugged Rarity back. She smelled like flowers and expensive shampoo. "And neither is Pinkie," she continued. "You already said sorry, and that's enough. We don't hold a grudge. Well, except against Iron Will, for filling your head with all those outrageous ideas!"
Fluttershy's heart sank. "That's... That's the problem... He didn't."
"Whatever do you mean?" Rarity said, raising an eyebrow. Fluttershy had a tendency to blame herself before anypony else, even when they were clearly at fault.
"He really didn't. He was awful, but..." She paused. How do you explain to somepony that you are not a good pony? "He only amplified things that were already there to begin with. He never told me to go out of my way to hurt anypony! He never told me to be cruel and insulting! All he did was..." Tears began welling up in her eyes. "He just gave me a little push, and I did it all on my own!"
"I... I see." Rarity replied, not quite certain what to say. "But I... don't think you're..."
"Oh but I am!" Fluttershy interrupted her. "When I feel like I'm not in control I panic, and then all I can do is scream and be mean. When I try to be assertive, it's like all the frustration and sadness that's been building up for days and weeks suddenly explodes into anger."
Rarity said nothing for a while, feeling like she had learned something new and unpleasant, if not entirely surprising, about her dear friend. "But you stood up for yourself when Iron Will came to collect his debt, didn't you?" she eventually asked.
"I did, and it felt good... But then the feeling faded. I can't recall how I said what I said! When the moment was over, it was all gone! Rarity... I beg you." Fluttershy sniffled, tears now streaming down her face. "I know I hurt you, but please teach me how to be like you. Please teach me how to be assertive in a real way. I don't want to hurt anypony else, ever again!"
"O-... Ok." Rarity replied, sincerely despite the lack of her usual eloquence. The answer none the less caused Fluttershy to visibly perk up, a reaction that only made the fashionista want to help her friend even more. Of course, she had no idea how to go about it. "If that is how you feel, then I'll do my best to help you."
"Ooh! Thank you thank you thank you!" Fluttershy exclaimed, embracing her friend and getting her mane wet with tears. "I promise, I'll do whatever it takes!"
Rarity had known Fluttershy for quite some time. Even before they became friends, the unicorn had payed attention to the timid and silent pegasus mare. She had always admired her delicate, elegant looks and her gentle and graceful way of moving. She had dreamed about working with her as a model, imagining dozens if not hundreds of designs for dresses that the yellow and pink pegasus would look simply stunning in. Yet, even prior to speaking to her, it had become painfully clear that a model career would be very difficult for the fragile young thing to pursue. A model needed presence, and there was nothing that the young pegasus seemed to abhor quite as much. If anything, she considered her own existence to be a nuisance to other ponies. She communicated it in the way she behaved; stepping out of the way of ponies who were not even walking directly towards her, gaze flitting around so as not to look directly into the eyes of anypony around her. Rarity would watch her in the mornings, when the pegasus was running her errands with great difficulty, interacting with other ponies only as much as needed and then hurrying home, not to be seen until the next morning. She was a mare who wanted, to an unhealthy degree, to avoid bothering others, even in situations were doing so was absolutely necessary. Low self-esteem was nothing out of the ordinary, but Fluttershy was without a doubt an extreme example, that much was certain.
At the same time, Rarity could not help but be intrigued by Fluttershy's animal handling skills. When interacting with animals she was a natural, capable of commanding and taming even the most unruly critters. During the time Rarity had known her, Fluttershy had stared down rampaging beasts and fearsome monsters, turning them docile and affectionate in a matter of seconds. She was never cruel, she never made animals fear her, yet was always in control. The contrast to how she behaved around ponies could not be more severe.
The more Rarity thought about it, the more she became convinced that her friend was already capable of being assertive. As long as she was aware of the rules of interaction.
"Say... Fluttershy... If you wanted somepony to bring you a glass of water, what would tell them?" Rarity asked. Somewhat unsurprisingly, this mere hypothetical question brought an expression of mild panic to Fluttershy's face.
"A g-glass of water?" she stuttered. "I can't just d-demand something like that, I... I don't need a glass of water, it's ok, I'm not thirsty! Do you want a glass of water? I'll, uh, I'll go get one for you..." Fluttershy was halfway to the kitchen before Rarity could tell her to stop. Somehow this had gone exactly as she had expected.
"Darling, no, I'm fine." Rarity assured her, doing her best to stifle a giggle. "Now, let's pretend that right now, you are incredibly thirsty and want me to fetch you a glass of water."
"I..." Fluttershy suddenly seemed as deflated as a three day old balloon. "I can't do that..."
"And why is that?"
"I... don't want to make you do things... I'm such a bother..."
"Right..." Rarity's eyes narrowed slightly. Even in a hypothetical situation, Fluttershy seemed to be wary of hurting other ponies' feelings. "Now let's pretend that I'm thirsty: Fluttershy, could you please be a dear and go to the kitchen and get me a glass of water?"
Unsurprisingly, Fluttershy did just as told without a single word, walking over to the kitchen, filling a glass and bringing it back to Rarity who graciously grasped it with her telekinesis and took a sip.
"There. That wasn't such a huge ordeal, now was it? You don't feel overworked?"
Fluttershy shook her head. "No. It was no trouble at all."
"You don't feel tired at all? Not fainting from exhaustion? No flesh wounds from struggling with the tap?" Rarity asked, a slight smirk on her face.
"No!" Fluttershy protested. "Of course not! It was just a glass of water. Do you want me to get you another one? I can go get another one."
"That won't be necessary." Rarity assured her. "But let me ask you something: If it's no problem for you, then why should it be a problem for anypony else?"
Fluttershy opened her mouth and inhaled sharply, as were she about to launch into a long-winded explanation. Yet, after a few moments, she closed her mouth again. "Huh..."
"Is it because everypony else is weak?" Rarity asked, perfectly feigning disappointment. "And you're the only sufficiently strong pony around?"
"O-of... Of course not..." Fluttershy replied, looking uncomfortable. "I'm... I'm much weaker than everypony else..."
"Aha..." Rarity raised an eyebrow. "Then if you're so weak, and the strenuous task of fetching a glass of water is no problem at all for you, shouldn't it be even less of a problem for everypony else?"
"Uhm... I... I guess..." came the reply, after a few moments.
Rarity put her hoof on her friend's shoulder, smiling gently at her. "If it's no problem for you, then it's likely no problem for anypony else either. Sometimes it can be scary to ask another pony for help, you might feel like you're asking too much of them, but then you just need to ask yourself if it would be a problem if the other pony were to ask you the same favor."
"I..." Fluttershy wore a bemused expression on her face. "I guess that makes sense! Yeah!"
"Good!" Rarity exclaimed triumphantly. "Now, all that's missing is practice! Are you ready to ask me for that glass of water?"
Fluttershy nodded. "Rarity... will you... No I can't do this I'm sorry Rarity I just ca-..." She stopped herself, cursing under her breath at having acted on reflex. "No, I can do this. I can do this." She took a deep breath and exhaled while pushing out with her hoof, imitating the breathing exercise she had often seen Twilight do. It honestly did not seem all that effective, but it helped her gather courage none the less. "Rarity... I want you to fetch me a glass of water!" A sudden tingly feeling in her stomach. Strange, but not necessarily unpleasant.
Rarity nodded, a grin appearing on her face. "Coming right up!"
Fluttershy felt her pulse quicken as she watched her friend walk into the kitchen. Rarity was right; it was such a simple request. Yet it was a simplicity that felt remarkably significant, something that had eluded her all this time and held a greater meaning. Moments later when Rarity returned, placing the glass of water in her hooves, Fluttershy felt as if she had just performed some kind of magic. She looked at the glass, then at her friend, then once more at the glass. "Oh...!"
"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" Rarity asked, patting her friend's head. "Is there anything else you want to ask of me?"
Fluttershy thought hard about this, gaze still fixated on the glass. Could she really ask Rarity to do anything? As long as it was something that she herself would happily do, as long as she herself would not consider the activity too exhausting or to complicated, anything should be ok... right? "Uhm..." she began. "A hat! Rarity, please fetch me a hat!" Remembering who she was talking to, she quickly added: "A cloche. Baby blue." It took all of fifteen seconds for Rarity to find exactly what Fluttershy had requested, and she placed it daintily on her friend's head. As the evening went on, Rarity brought her a handkerchief, one of Opal's toy mice (which, upon the cat realising it was missing, became the most important item in the world and worth growling incessantly at Fluttershy for until she got it back), a tube of toothpaste, yesterday's newspaper, an acorn (from outside!), a myriad accessories of various kinds, a teapot, a chair, a mannequin, and many other items. Eventually, everything spread out in a circle around her, it looked somewhat like the unicorn had set up a flea market stall in the middle of Rarity's boutique. By the time the two had helped each other put everything back in its place, daylight was long gone.
"Come back tomorrow, darling," Rarity had told her, "and we'll practice some more."
Walking home in the stillness of night, her path home illuminated by streetlamps and the soft, warm glow from the windows of ponies' homes, Fluttershy had felt changed. She could feel that thanks to Rarity's simple lesson, she would from now on navigate her interactions with other ponies in an entirely different way. She felt confident! She felt bold! She felt like she was ready for the world, and any challenges she might face!
The next day she had gotten stuck holding up a door for close to twenty minutes, worried that closing it too quickly would lead to somepony walking into it and getting angry at her for closing it in their face.
Come closing time she had dejectedly returned to Carousel Boutique, slouched and dragging her feet, not so much disappointed in Rarity's methods as her own tendency to believe in instant cures. The fashionista had simply hugged her and explained that confidence was a process, and the only way to build it was through patience and dedication. The evening had been filled with yet more training, Rarity putting herself in the roles of ponies Fluttershy might encounter in daily life. She had taught her when to be kind to others, but more importantly when to be kind to herself. Naturally the lesson had been wrapped up with Fluttershy giving her unicorn friend various commands to follow. Walking home, Fluttershy had felt re-energised, certain that tomorrow would be different.
The next day, Fluttershy had ended up hiding behind some barrels at Ponyville market, too overwhelmed to be able to navigate the crowd.
She had once again returned to the boutique that day. Rarity, ever patient, had shown her when gently pushing someone out of your path was a socially acceptable thing to do, and just how stern a request for somepony to move aside could be before it could be interpreted as rude. Of course, quite a lot of time was spent on Fluttershy practicing giving commands, asking her friend to fetch her various items, read aloud an article from the newspaper, and even brush her mane. For Fluttershy, stress always seemed to result in tangles, and she had a lot of tangles. Walking home, both her stress and tangles were gone.
The next day, nothing of note happened. Fluttershy still visited her friend. Commands were given, and happily followed. Walking home to see to her animals, the pegasus felt more confident. Come morning, she was surprised to find that she still did. At least a little. But as Rarity had told her, confidence didn't happen overnight. Days went by, turning into weeks. The two met increasingly often, and within a month the assertiveness training had become a comfortable routine, a daily ritual performed regardless of whether or not there was a need. Their mutual enjoyment was more than enough reason to continue. Rarity in particular seemed insistent, and for Fluttershy, issuing simple commands for her friend to follow had become an action as simple as clicking her tongue. A dull evening could be made magical by the simple request for a song. A stiff shoulder could be made to relax by requesting a massage.
Fluttershy did, over the course of months, become more daring and confident, more comfortable in her interactions with other ponies, and less prone to being overwhelmed. At least mostly. Yet somewhere along the line, the original reason for their assertiveness training seemed to have been forgotten, Fluttershy's growing confidence merely a byproduct of their daily entertainment. But, with all the laughter and joy, was that really a problem?
Then came the Ponyville Dog Show.
Author's Note
That's right, darlings, it's flashback from here on! Wow! If that's not an original narrative technique, I don't know what is!
In the next chapter: Canterlot burns to the ground as a result of Celestia and Luna battling over who will claim the title of Greatest Prankster.
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