Of Geldings And Gems

by Hergest Ridge

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Big Macintosh, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Random, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 20036

An intellectual story centered around and narrated by best pony, Spike.

I've never been sure if I envied ponies for their cutie marks.
On one hand, it's awesome to have your main passion as a permanent magical tattoo, but it has got to be slightly frustrating to know that the meaning of your whole life can be represented by some dumb apples, a silver spoon or even a big ugly snail.
I appreciate not having the meaning of my life plastered all over my butt, anyway. I'm like a blank flank, whose special talent could be just about anything: playing piano, writing books, announcing, or even solving disappearance cases!
Really, I think what I like the most about cutie mark is how great of an excuse it is for peeping at some flank.
This amazing story is not a dissertation about playing music, writing or announcing.

Published 2011-12-06 15:19:41 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-25 00:05:03 UTC

The First Chapter

Of Geldings and Gems

She was darn proud, the filly, staring at the inside of her eyelids, a smug-ish grin on her mug, standing still and silently, waiting for my signal. Having the position I have, this scene wasn't anything new to me. Quite the contrary, actually.

Sending my favourite nerd's reports to Celestia had become less frequent since some incident - which I'm sure you've all heard of - occured in town, so it was pretty cool, right? But on the other hand, said reports now weren't always written by Twilight Sparkle, my mother-sister-friend, beloved just as much as adopted by yours truly.

In all sincerity, I couldn't help but think that Celestia the First most likely still paid much more attention to whatever her most faithful student had to say than her friends, for reasons which may or may not have nothing to do with lesbianism, but it sure was nice of her to let everypony write reports. It almost felt like we were all doing something important.

Anyway,

Ready for the flow of words and sentences that was awaiting me, holding on a solid yet deeply attractive stance, parchment in my right hand, quill in my left, I nodded slightly to the pony in my company, in a silent signification of aforementionned readyness. Or maybe parchment in my left hand and quill in my right, don't remember. Such is the terrible curse of ambidexterity : barely 200 words in and I'm already bothering you with digressions.

"Spike, take note, please." she started, causing several variations of bitch-what-did-you-think-I-was-gonna-do to cross my mind. I reduced the distance between the quill and the parchment, and proceeded to transcribe the mare's sentences as soon as they encountered the hair cells of my auditory system.

Dear Princess Celestia,
Blah blah blah, blablah friendship, blah blah magic yadda yadda yadda.
Friends blah blah blah blah magic magic lala la blah blah ding ding share blah blah blah, magic is friendship.

Your faithful student,
Rainbow Dash.

As soon as I did not hear the post-scriptum I was expecting, I took my eyes off of the letter to look at my dictatress - no, not Celestia, but good guess, though. Waiting for her to ask me about how amazing that was would have been pointless, since the look in her eyes said it all. So I replied right away.

"I... I'm not really sure about it, wouldn't it be funnier if we wrote it more like a real one?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, this letter is just utter nonsense with some actual words here and there. I think it'd be funnier if we sent a letter that said something like, I dunno..." I scratched my chin, trying to come up with a joke as quickly as possible. "Something like 'Dear Princess Celestia, today I have learned that if a very good friend wants you to roleplay, it's better to use a safeword.'"

"Oh, you silly Spikey, it wouldn't be funny it we actually sent her a real friendship report now, would it? That's what's a prank is about!" She paused. "Beside, I'm sure she already knows this, everypony does!"

Most ponies never ever get used to the Pink Ie Pie, even those who already lived in Ponyville back when she moved here, but being one of her close friends, I think I'm doing pretty well. And if you want a proof of this : the confused expression that appeared on my face only stood there for half a second before I calmly agreed.

Pretty good, eh?

So, I rolled the fake letter and breathed in, preparing myself to send it all the way to Canterlot, giving Pinkamena a last glance, in case she wanted to object anything. She didn't.

Poof!

"It's on its way, the Princess should answer pretty soon" I informed the party animal, a grin on my face. It could have been way better, but it still was a relatively amusing prank, I had to admit.

"Ohmigosh-this-is-gonna-be-so-fun-I-can't-wait-to-see-what-she's-gonna-answer-what-do-you-think-she'll-say-maybe-she's-gonna-get-a-bit-angry-oh-no-she-wouldn't-she's-the-Princess-she's-got-some-humor-but-I-can't-WAIT-to-see-Rainbow's-face-what-about-you?" exclamed the pink pony in her usual never-more-than-one-breath fashion. She didn't wait for an answer before adding: "Are you sure you will remember what her actual letter was?"

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry about that" I ensured. "It was something about having a different opinion from a friend's. You see, she kinda got in a fight with Fluttershy about whatever, I don't remember that well. I'm sure she will be able to remember the whole thing, though."

Or at least I hoped, because while I was able to breath a fire that didn't send anything to Queen Tyrannestia, it contented itself of burning what it touched. Which wasn't bad at all really, I'm sure you will all agree, but combusted letters tend to be harder to read. Go figure.

However, this regular fire did give me the ability to pretend sending Rainbow Brash's latest report in the Magic of Friends-Shipping, while actually destroying it, right under her stupid little muzzle, and to her ignorance. Which was just about perfect for our preferred pink party pony's plans for a prank.

(Brought to you by the letter "P")

Upon my statement, the curly-maned mare stopped (stopped what? I don't know, she just "stopped") as if to fully integrate the information into her tiny brain, and allowed herself to let go of the laugh she was supressing.

Quite frankly, nothing about the situation was much more than amusing, but Pinkie's giggles were known to be more contagious than herpes, and soon we found ourselves both rolling on the grass, shaking in hilarity, like the idiots we were.

Good times indeed.

Cold.

She didn't open her eyes yet, but she did realize she wasn't sleeping anymore.

She was feeling a bit cold, though. Not enough that it would be uncomfortable, of course, but enough so that she would notice. She had always liked this particular temperature, actually, just as cool as a perfect spring day. Still relaxing, but not too much. Perfect.

Nothing to worry about, so she pushed this detail on the back of her mind, as far, far away as she could..

There was a noise, too. Permanent and rather distant, but not annoying one bit. Calming, relaxing.

Soothing.

Now, the ground. It wasn't hard, but not too soft either. She couldn't quite determine what it was until she moved one of her hooves a bit, and was able to sense the long and thin protuberances that emerged from it:

Grass.

She liked it, it felt nice laying on, in the state she was currently in.

After a short time of reflexion, she realized that, while she wasn't feeling particularly tired, she didn't really want to do anything. Why? She couldn't tell. It was as if she had never felt this relaxed in her entire life. It was certainly strange that she didn't even know why she was in such a euphoric state, but it didn't matter. Nothing did.

While it did not put her anywhere near a state of panic, the feeling that something was wrong did progressively grow more and more important, though, up to a point where she couldn't ignore it.

Something wasn't right.

This conclusion appeared to her as rather funny. Ponies panick so much whenever they are put in a situation they don't know, or understand, but why should she? If anything, she found it amusing and quite exciting.

She waited for a while, enjoying her own amusement, until curiosity got the best of her.

She opened her eyes.

Light.

"Oh, there you are, Spike, haven't seen you since this morning. How was your day?"

"Great" I replied, a big dumb smile on my face, closing the door behind me. "Just walked a bit around town, and then Rainbow Dash flew to me, like swoosh, super fast - I think she really was just trying to show off, but it worked pretty well, I guess. Anyway, she told me she wanted me to write a letter for Celestia, so I did."

"Ooh, what was is about?" asked Twilight, sounding interested but not raising her eyes to look at me, still reading whatever book she had happened to find today.

"It was just a short letter about..." I thought for a short time, trying to remembeer. "About not bothering a friend with their opinion, and not needing to always agree with them to be able to appreciate somepony."

"Sounds like a pretty good lesson to me. Did Celestia answer yet?"

"Erm, actually" I started, suppressing a laugh, "I didn't send the letter, I just burned it."

"What?" exclamed the purple unicorn, turning her head from her book to me for the first time. "I... why?"

"Pinkie Pie had told me she wanted to prank somepony" I explained. "She'd asked me if next time somepony writes a letter to the Princess, I could pretend to send it, and then tell her so that she could write a fake letter."

She gave me one of her you-can't-be-serious looks, but these had stopped working long ago on me. Nice try, you devil!

"Come on, it was hi-la-rious" I continued. "We just wrote complete nonsense on it, it looked like Rainbow Dash was actually making fun of the Princess. You should have seen her face when...." I wasn't even trying to stop chuckling now. "when we got Celestia's answer!"

"What did it say?"

"She must have thought it was some kind of joke, but from Rainbow" I answered. "So she went along with it and wrote that she would not accept this kind of attitude, that she had banished and turned ponies into stone for less than thi-"

"WHAT?" exclamed the purple nerd, her expression changing to one of pure shock. "The... the PRINCESS sent that?"

"Don't worry, she added a post-scriptum, thanking Rainbow Dash for lightening her day up a bit, since she received the letter right in the middle of some paperwork." I paused for a second. "I didn't read that part to Dash at first, obviously."

"Oh, Spike..." she sighed, disapprovingly.

I swear, all the time. All the freaking time. Make a nice breakfast for her? "Oh, Spike!", she said, smiling. Fall of a ladder and break your leg? "Oh, Spike!" she exclamed, worried. Tell her a story that happens to involve her favourite Princess having an actual sense of humor? "Oh, Spike..." she sighed, disapprovingly.

Twilight's reactions were getting more and more predictable these days, it was quite funny and annoying at the same time.

Mentionning the Princess always resulted in awkward conversations anyway, so I wasn't surprised. When she wasn't trying to make you understand how intelligent, tolerant, beautiful and well-flanked Molestia was, Twi would tell you about her incredible power, severeness, and the horrible punishements that were awaiting the unlucky soul who would dare to offend her in any way.

Anypony who's spend more than 10 minutes in her company would understand that the Alicorn would obviously never be able to do anything to a pony that doesn't fully deserve it, and that she was generally speaking a rather light-hearted pony.

But it would seem that ponykind is made up of complete retards, and therefore as a whole doesn't have much more intelligence than a dead oyster.

It's a well known fact : the IQ of a group is the average IQ divided by the number of ponies in it.

And let me tell you, is sure does show whenever one of these sweet hooved idiots is put in Celestia's presence.

It is such an honor to see you, Princess. Let me bow before you, Princess. You have a bit of dirt under your hoof, Princess, may I lick it clean? No, it's no problem, I only want to help you, Princess. And survive. How do you want your tea, Princess. Need more cupcakes? Some muffins? More tea? My tongue or my daughter's? Sugar for you tea? Anything else I can help you with, Princess? Your what? Sister? What sister? Didn't you banish that bitch to the Moon? No? Oh.

I don't think they were actually scared of her, really. There wouldn't be any reason to, really, but... it seems that's what they want. Celestia is a nice ruler, yeah, sure, but what the ponies really want is something else. An emperor. A dictatress. A tyran.

Tyranestia!

Now THAT would be epic, Tyranestia, wouldn't it? Just look at the number of opponents to the Power she crushes under her hooves on a daily basis, she must surely care a lot about our beyootiful country!

Always successfully leading our army to invade the dragons, griffons, and any creature's land to make it our own, burning their children, raping their churches and enroling their wifes forcefully in our army, yes! Magnificent, your honor! That's what I call ruling a country!

What is that? A squad of pegasi suicide bombers, are attacking our beloved blood-thirsty Governestia? No problem, no problem at all! A flash of light, an explosion, and everything is fine.

They're dead! All of them! She killed them!

A single spell from the phallic symbol that proudly stood on her forehead, and 30 infidels are now things of the past. And our living God, the Great And Powerful Celestia, still stands, gloriously, not affected the least by such an insignificant and usual incident. Already the fourth time today, actually. Time for a tea break.

Bravo, possesser of our souls! Bravo, almighty head of our broken state, ensuring the limitation of our freedom and privacy every chance she has! Bravissimo, thou cruel dictatress! Encore, encore!

Yeah, I can definitively picture this.

Celestia cannot even begin to compare to that, can she? When was the last time she single-handedly stopped a suicide mission directed toward herself, after all?

I'll tell you when, my good friend : never, that's when.

That's what I call a real Princess: one that deals with danger, murders, permanent violence and fear. Not one that contents herself of sitting with modesty in a perfectly peaceful and happy country.

That IS what they're for, right? What's the point of letting somepony rule you if you can't even hate them?

I remained convinced that's the reason nopony was complaining that much when that Discord guy broke free: they liked it. Chaos, disharmony, dictature, fear. Much more entertaining.

Anyway, I looked over to my own master - oh, so many ponies would envy me for having my own personal dictatress, wouldn't they? - and kept on telling my anecdote, unaffected by her expression.

"Oh come on, Twilight, you should have seen Rainbow's face, it was priceless! She was, like, already seeing herself banished to some horrible place, her whole life ruined." I recalled with a smile Pinkie and I's hilarity upon the appropriatively named rainbow-haired pony's reaction. "Really, it was the funniest thing ever, even Dash found it funny when we explained the whole thing to her!".

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." mechanically answered Spirlight Twarkle, whose interest I had already lost.

I was going to tell her about how she should try to get that broom stick out of whatever orifice she had somehow managed to stick in into, years ago - or to put it simply, lighten up - and remind her that her beloved Princelestia actually had quite the sense of humor, et caetera, but she didn't give me the time to do so, as she started speaking again:

"Anyway, Spike, I've found a very rare book about some old kinds of magic today, I've read it a bit there are some pretty interesting researches in there, which I'd like to continue. Do you mind helping me out with that? I'd like to work a bit on the practical side, but it's gonna be a bit hard on my own"

I sighed dramatically, and reluctantly walked over to the mare to assist her, as if fullfilling her wishes was my only purpose in life.

(Implying it's not)

You know her, it's as if her whole life revolved around learning news stuff, every single day. You'd think a unicorn than can teleport her own body from one place to another, without losing an eye or a lung on the way, would consider herself talented enough, but no, let's make more of ze magicks.

What is that? A spell to turn stones into hats? I want! What about this one? Horn enlargement? Do want! And this one? Mind control? Yes, yes, yes!

I swear, it's only a matter of time until she learns how to grow multiple dongs on various part of a pony's anatomy.

She's just this talented, Twilight, and never happy. Always trying to do best than what she already can. It's the kind of attitude you'd expect more from a pony like Rainbow Dash, actually. Can be perfectly annoying at times, but overall, it's pretty admirable. And rather cool.

It also happens to entertain both of us for rather long periods of time, and that's often fortunate, actually.

Now don't get me wrong, Ponyville is a great town, of course, lots of nice ponies - and mostly mares, nudge nudge wink wink - and the monster of the week (or any form of potential disaster) is always great fun, but sometimes there isn't much to do.

When Rarity is too hysteric about her dress orders to be able to accept any form of help without slicing your throat, when Applejack is busy with her farm trying to become an apple or something, when Fluttershy is beating the crap out of a bear, Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash training or taking her daily nap, all you ask for is a bit of entertainment, really.

And quite unfortunately, most days seemed to be like that. Well, unfortunately, I guess that's the way everypony is happier, so I'm fine with it, but you get my point.

In these moments, having somepony ask you for assistance can actually be quite a blessing.

Only problem was that today, I actually felt like doing nothing. I was already seeing myself take a nice, loooong bubble bath and go to sleep like the useless brat I love to be, but Twi didn't want it that way, so it seemed.

And of course, our destiny wasn't going to let me have some rest either, but you'll find about that later. Don't want me to spoil the story this soon, do you?

On a related note, I'm not sure whether or not I am supposed to be looking forward to the day when Ponyville will be walking around with their bodies covered in male genitals, but heck,

I sure am.

I Asked : You Can!

For those of you who have children, siblings, cousins, or have had the misfortune of experiencing any kind of contact with young foals, you probably know this situation well.

You tell them to go to bed, and they will obviously refuse, or at least won't allow you not to hear them crying their lungs out, the little spoiled brat, as you force them to. And the next day, you'll find them singing you a similarly heart-breaking song, begging you to allow them one more minute of the warmth of their bed sheets.

Want them to take a walk in the park? They'll whine to you that they want to stay home to do whatever the hell a child does, and once they're out there, you can expect the worthless piece of crap to hate you with all their guts on the way back home.

I'm exactly like that.

While I only reluctantly agreed to let Twilight use me as her helper for all these incredimagicawesome spells from whatever book she happened to read, I soon found myself enjoying this moment, as soon as she started explaining everything to Me.

This time, it was the mind she was interested with.

Apparently, she'd just come across some old Volume Of Magic And Psychology Of My Arse, which described experiences done with unicorn magic to try to penetrate a pony's mind. Most of these had shown that anypony's mind, spirit or however you want to call was naturally protected by some kind of magical barrier, just to prevent these intrusions.

She eventually went on to explain that some famous unicorns - famous enough that I'd never heard of them - had emitted the theory that the connexion earth ponies were said to have with nature, animals and shit was of that kind, but a rather limited one, that mostly involved the subconscious. And it was all incredibly interesting.

... What? It was, I swear!

Anyway, the book was very imprecise, and the researches had been stopped long times ago, so she felt like doing some on the same subject, and maybe hope to make some amazingly incredible discoveries.

Because you know, that's what normal ponies with no psychological issues whatsoever do when they're bored. Research.

Nothing we did was as impressive as it may have sounded at first, sorry to disappoint your honor, but we definitively had some fun.

I suggested the love spell that she had once used on her old doll, but she explained that the it relied on making the object seem extremely appealing, not controlling ponies' minds to attract them toward the doll. The difference was as subtle as a fart I'd successfully let out during the Princess's speech after the whole Discord thingy, but I could definitively see it.

So, she mostly tried improvising spells, not putting too much energy on it in case something bad happened, but definitively thinking about getting inside of my amazingly complex mind. It ended up like a game, I'd think of something and she'd try guessing what it was, and then we'd do it the other way 'round to see if it worked better, and then both at the same time, et cetera, et cetera.

We were still in the middle of our experience, which complexity would have put a kindergarten class to shame, when we heard a knock on the door.

Crap, I was starting to have fun.

The egghead went to open it - the door, that is, since you know, it's generally the right thing to do when someone knocks at it (still the door) - revealing the pony standing behind it.

Joy, sweet joy! Pure bliss flooding through my veins, imaginary saxophone solo playing in my head, as I laid my eyes upon this creature of beauty.

Ra-ri-tyyyy!

So, Rarity, where do I start with her? I could tell you that she had the purest white coat you could ever imagine, that her eyes were of the most beautiful blue, and that she had a long, expertly coiffed and violet mane, like any author would, but I won't.

That's right.

Because that wouldn't mean shit. She could as well have had a pink coat, green mane and brown eyes, she would have been just as gorgeous.

It wasn't about how much care she took of herself either. You'd roll her up in the mud and she'd still be as elegant and graceful as always. It may have been about her facial features, voice, body, back or general attitude, or none or all of these, but hell, it was there. Something undefinable, transcendental, almost supernatural, that had somehow made its way into a living creature.

Now, I can see you coming from miles, and am perfectly aware of what you are thinking - you wouldn't be the first to tell me that, believe me - and screw you. Yes, you.

How dare you imply my appreciation for pure perfection in the (perfect) body of a pony is purely based on lust? That's not only rude, that's also impolite. And false. Wrong, erroneous, fallacious!

For you see, my good but doubting friend, I know myself and my intimate parts well, and I would willingly lend you a list of the mares in town I wouldn't mind performing a concerto for clarinet with, that's for sure. In B flat major, four movements and backed by the full Canterlot Philharmonic Orchestra. But none of them have ever been able to make me feel like I do, in this creature's presence.

The moment in a book where the way a character feels at the sight of their loved one is mentioned and explained in every pointless detail is quite often the most painful one. Every cliché gets its moment in the spotlight of the poor reader's eyes, from the fast heartbeat to the blushing, Freudian slips and stuttering, and not always excluding the raging boner, depending on your preferred genres of fiction. So I'm gonna spare you such in-equine and literary torture.

You're very welcome.

But I could write it, and I wouldn't regret it one bit. For Rarity would be the dedicatee of such waste (as if you could call that a "waste") of your reading and my writing time.

That, my friend, don't go and call that "physical attraction" or I may write this monologue that some other and less talented writers wouldn't have been so kind to spare you. Lust makes you dumber, indeed, but I refuse to believe it would on its own be able to turn me into that kind of person. One that believes other people care about what kind of ponies he wishes to stick his Johnson in.

Not that she wasn't number 1 of that list I mentioned earlier, of course, but what is obvious doesn't need to be stated.

As she stepped inside, I realized she looked like she was on the verge of tears, in some kind of hysteric state. She had always been very, erm... over-dramatic, so we'd take such displays of emotion with a grain of salt. I had to admit that this time, it somehow seemed more serious. Much more.

She didn't look any less attractive, of course, but she did get us - mostly myself - worried already.

"Twilight, Spike, I need your help" she started, her voice painfully but deliciously cracking, not even waiting for us to say a word. "I can't find Sweetie Belle!"

"What?" we exclaimed in unison, like any good pair of characters in a story would do.

"She didn't come home yesterday after school, so my parents just figured she was at my home, but she wasn't!" she explained, talking way too fast to appear entirely sane. "We though she just went to a sleepover with her friends, but they weren't at school today, and Applejack hasn't seen Applebloom either since yesterday morning! And that Scootaloo one is missing too!"

As the love of my life breathed heavily, compensating for such a long sentence to say in one breath, I looked over at the platonic love of my life, who seemed like she was getting quite worried herself.

"Are you sure nopony has seen them? I'm sure they have to be somewhere, I mean..." started Twilight.

"We asked some ponies, of course but nopony has seen any of them all day!" she cried. "Applejack says they may have gone to the... the Everfree Forest so we got Rainbow Dash to... try to see if they're somewhere here, but... oh Twilight, I'm... I'm so worried." she finished dramatically.

"Don't worry, Rarity, I... I'm sure they can't have gone this far." answered Twilight as she walked over to the other mare in the room, pulling her into a hug. "We'll find them, just calm down. It's not the first time we've had a problem with them, remember?"

"I hope... I guess you're right"

I simply stood there and watched as my two favorite ponies were hugging, one crying over the other's shoulder, not sure what to say - if I should even say something, that is. Since one of them was pretty much my sister, such a sight was hard to enjoy, but I'm sure you're liking the mental image already, eh?

As she held the crying beauty into her hooves, Twilight Sparkle moved her mouth closer to her ear, whispering sensually, just loud enough to be heard: "Don't worry... I'm here for you.". The white unicorn smiled slightly, as the lavender mare started licking her tears away, slowly, her tongue passing by every inch of her face until she...

I knew you'd love it.

Anyway, they eventually pulled out of the embrace before I had a chance to join it, and soon the fashionista was explaining to the nerd what was going on with our friends.

"Rainbow Dash, Applejack and her brother are already in the... the forest" explained Rarity, still sobbing a bit. "They left about half an hour ago, and Fluttershy is probably flying over the town and environments as we speak right now."

"How about Pinkie Pie?" I asked

"She went to ask random ponies if they have seen them" she replied. "She said she knows everypony and that she was the best for the job, so we let her go."

"Have you asked Zecora? If they went to the forest, maybe they're at her house?" asked Twilight.

"Oh, no, we didn't think about this" realized the belle.

"I think I'll go there, then." she answered. "If I don't find them here, I can still join Applejack and the others, and ask Zecora to, I guess."

"Sounds like a good idea."

"What about you, Rarity?" I asked.

"I... I think I'm going to look around town one last time." she turned to me. "I've been running around Ponyville since Cheerilee told me they weren't in school, but... I wanna make sure, just one last time."

She gave my adoptive sister a quick glance, as if to ask "Sounds like a good idea?", to which she did answer:

"Sounds like the good thing to do, yes. Spike why don't you go along with her? If there's two of you, the search will be easier."

I stared at her hesitantly, and stammered.

"Er... yeah, why not. I mean, yes! Yes, of course I'll do it!"

When you know somepony since the day you were a young and tiny piece of crap of a dragon (or were actually HATCHED by that mare), you get to understand them way better than anypony else could. Sometimes, you don't even need to talk, a simple look will suffice.

The one Twilight gave me clearly meant "Don't get any funny ideas, this is a serious problem, you moron".

Teehee!

Rarity agreed that the two of us would indeed be more efficient than her alone, and so Twilight ran to the forest. I barely had the time to distinguish "Let's go!" out of the wonderful sounds the white unicorn emitted before I found myself running behind her and out of the library, into the streets of Ponyville.

Nothing of any interest happened during our search in the village, or at least nothing important enough to be related to You. We looked around any streets we could think of, as the sun got closer and closer to the horizon, eventually asked a familiar-looking pony if they'd seen any of the three fillies recently - none of which said yes.

We even met Fluttershy, who was doing the same job as us, but in the air. She hadn't seen anything either. Which in a way was quite fortunate, it would have pained me to end the story right in the middle of the second chapter.

Ponyville being a rather small town, we very soon had to admit to ourselves that the fillies weren't here. Rarity thanked me for helping and all, and said she was going to join her parents, who were searching in the environments of the village. I proposed to come with her, but she very politely declined, insisting that she wanted to talk alone with her parents, no offense intended my little Spikey-Wikey.

Some ponies have got this very particular talent, in that they could tell you whatever the heck they wanted, and you'd feel like you were being complimented. Rarity was indeed one of them, so I didn't feel offended the least. Your desire isn't my command, Milady: it's my one and only reason to live.

I wished her good luck and added the best reassuring comments I could think of about the situation, which was terrible but it's the intention that counts.

It always seems to be the good thing to do in moments like that, improvise a boring "don't worry, I'm sure it'll be fine", hoping to make each others feel a little bit better about the shit we're going through. Truth is, if these kind of remarks did in fact give anypony a tiny bit of happiness every time they were emitted, Equestria would have been a gigantic and permanent orgy for a long time, now.

It just doesn't work that way, but to pretend that your life is, in fact, not the worst thing that has ever happened to you is considered polite, so it seems. And, as ashamed as I am to confess this, seeming to be polite seemed more important than being a smart ass, at least in front of Her.

I was walking back to the library, thinking that once here, I could maybe decide whether to join the others in the forest, or simply go to sleep, when I saw a familiar mare, who had just finished a conversation with a blue and pink-maned earth pony I only knew by sight.

"Pinkie!" I called, rather simply.

"Spike!" I didn't have the time to see her walking or running toward me, she was already right in front of my face. "Oh-my-gosh-Spike-did-Applejack-tell-you-her-sister-and-Sweetie-Belle-and..."

"Yes, yes, she told me" I interrupted her before she gave me one of her signature monologues. "Well, Rarity told Twilight and I about them, I mean. I was searching around with her minutes ago."

"Did you find anything?" she asked.

Just as energetic as usual, Kinky Pie, but most happiness was gone from her tone and facial expression, although concern definitively showed. She didn't really look *sad*, really, if you were to compare her to a sane pony, but compared to her usual mood, the contrast was big enough to be somewhat depressing.

"No, nothing, I don't think they're in Ponyville." I answered, sadly. "What about you?"

"Well, duh, I'm in Ponyville, look! I'm right here!"

"I mean, what did you do?"

"Oh, well, I was asking ponies if they had seen Applebloom or Scootaloo or Sweetie Belle anywhere, because you know I know everypony in town, I mean like really everypony, even..."

"So, did they?", I interrupted.

"Did they what?"

"See them recently."

"Oh. Well, I haven't really asked everypony yet, but nopony seems to have seen them after yesterday afternoon, no."

"So the last time they were seen was yesterday, after school?"

"Yes, and you know, it's funny you say that because the pony I was just talking to is one of the last who saw them, so far, at 4am, when she was going back from the market to buy some..."

"What?" I exclaimed, before looking around, trying to see where the blue, pink and yellow mare was.

She wasn't anywhere to be seen, unfortunately, so I concluded with extreme perspicacity that she had already gone back to her place.

I turned to the madmare.

"Pinkie, do you know where that pony lives?"

Once her eyes had gotten used to the light, she was able perceive the environment that surrounded her.

It was much more beautiful than she had expected.

She found she was lying on top of a small hill, an apple tree only feet away from her, its branches extending enough into the air so that they had protected her from the sun's light, during her sleep.

When she looked over to the left, she could see a calm river, which she understood was the origin of the noise, a forest and some mountains in the background, far away.

Looking to the right gave her a similar sight, except the mountains were a bit bigger, and the river jumped into a big lake.

It was lovely.

The place wasn't quite recognizable, but it wasn't completely unfamiliar either. Just as if she had already been here before, a long time ago, but had forgotten it since then.

She enjoyed this mixed feeling of familiarity and unknown. Comfortable and exciting at the same time.

Resting under the tree while just staring at this magnificent landscape seemed like a good idea. It was so beautiful, she felt like she'd never get bored of it.

Where she was and how she got here were questions that did cross her mind, but seemed incredibly meaningless. Why would she even bother with that?

A voice.

She wasn't alone.

I guess this is the kind of job a pony like Twilight or Applejack would handle way, way better than me and Pinkie, but I felt like taking care of this. I don't know why, maybe it was for my own entertainment. I felt like reenacting one of the numerous interrogations scenes I'd read in some of the books in the library - the fiction books, the one Twilight never paid attention to.

Anyway, we arrived in front of a rather normal looking house, which description would have bored you. I hoped for a moment that it wouldn't be a bit late to disturb her, seeing how the sun had mostly gone under the horizon, but then realized I didn't really give a crap.

Pinkie Pie knocked on the door, without waiting for me to say anything. To my surprise, I actually knew the unicorn who opened it. Orange peepers, cyan, turquoise - or whatever the heck you're supposed to call this color - coat and a similarly colored mane.

Eeyup.

"Oh, good evening, Pinkie Pie and Spike, what brings you here?"

"Er, hello Lyra" I answered, surprised that Pinkie had brought us to the wrong house.

"We're so super sorry to disturb you, but is Bon Bon here? Me and Spikey would like to talk a bit with her."

Ooooh, yeah,

I'd forgotten about that.

Of course, Lyra and Bon Bon, they'd moved together some times ago. There had been a bit of rumors around the town, about the two mares moving together, of course, it was unusual. The ponies weren't fundamentally against anything, but they didn't like what they didn't know, so the two must have had a bit of a tough job reasoning the town.

But, after some time and explanations, as usual, everypony had understood them, was forgiven, lived happily until they died and everything sexual happened, the end.

Ever since we lived in Canterlot did I know Lyra, actually. She was a neighbor of Twilight's parents. Not much more than an acquaintance - the kind of neighbor you say wave your arm if you happen to meet them in the street only because you want to make a good impression - but we did talk a bit from times to times. She may have been the one to suggest to Twilight's parents that I learned the piano, having been given fingers by Mother Nature, actually.

We then, as you already know, happened to move in Ponyville around the same time, though for different reasons, so we did have a few discussions here and there, but still not enough to call her a friend.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against dirty, unnatural, disgusting and filthy filly-foolers - he said jokingly - but I did feel slightly awkward upon this realization. It's this weird feeling you get from any kind of revelation about a person, as meaningless as it may actually be. Beside, I was still young at the time, so while I did know about such concepts, seeing them put in practice was slightly weird.

Regardless, Lyra told us that yes, Bon Bon was actually here, and let us in. She's such a nice mare, isn't she?

The inside was pretty nice, really, looked like your typical still-considered-as-young couple's house, with a radio here (playing a piece of baroque music), some rather old pieces of furniture here and an occasional expensive carpet there, probably inherited or given by a parent, exposed well in sight to show off to the occasional visitor.

Two lyres could be seen, hung on a wall otherwise bare of any pictures, paintings or decoration. An intelligent placement, both for convenience - instruments are fragile but you always want them right under your han... hoof - and decoration - instruments are fancy-looking objects.

One of them seemed very expensive, simply judging by its appearance. The other one appeared to be a terribly old and cheap model, the kind you'd buy for 5 bits, use as a prop for a costume, and abandon in your attic. However, it was exactly the same model as Lyra's cutie mark.

We musicians always develop some kind of connection, with our instruments, should it be the one we learned to play on, the one we had for our first concert, or the one that's represented on both your butt cheeks. Not only do we know perfectly the way they feel and how to get the best sounds out of them - which is essential to playing well, more than the actual quality of the object - but they also tend to sound better as the years pass.

So while the presence of such a seemingly crappy instrument in the house of the great musician Lyra was known to be in Ponyville was surely surprising, it made sense.

I was thinking that I should ask Twilight if she could get that old piano from her parent's house to the library when the blue-ish green-ish whatever unicorn told us to sit on a sofa, which looked like it was at least the second most expensive piece of furniture in the room, and turned away from us to call her companion's name. The answer we heard was a rather inelegant way of saying that she was, in fact, using the toilets.

Pinkie Pie and I repressed a laugh as Lyra informed her wife (can you call them "wifes" if they're not married? Or most importantly, are they married? Can you even get married to someone of your own sex in Ponyville? I'll have to think about that) that there were people in the house waiting for her. I was already enjoying this.

"Bonnie told me about your friends' sisters" stated Lyra, looking at Pinkie with a concerned look. I stopped smiling."Have you found them, yet?"

"No, sadly" I replied before Pinkie had the time to talk. "But Pinkie has been talking with lots of ponies in town, and apparently, your frie- Bon Bon is the last pony that saw them."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, so far, but it's getting too late to ask the rest of the town."

Just at this moment, Bon Bon arrived in the room. She seemed slightly embarrassed, knowing the details about her digestive system she had accidentally communicated to us, but almost managed to look like she didn't want to vanish right now. The unicorn introduced me quickly to her partner, who - after insisting on getting us both a nice and warm cup of tea and some candies - asked us the exact same question. So I gave the same answer.

"... and so far you're the last pony who's seen them."

"I am? That's strange, there were other ponies around, I think. Somepony else would have seen the fillies."

"Well, duh, I didn't have time to ask everypony, I mean Ponyville is a small city compared to, like, Fillydelphia or Canterlot but that's still a lot of ponies!" replied Pinkie.

I coughed, and sipped on my tea, before putting it down on the coffee table, being careful not to spill any of it. Such a beautiful carpet, it'd be a shame to stain it with some warm liquid.

I bet it would have allowed me some great innuendos, though.

"So yes, we didn't have time to ask everypony, but I guess it is getting a bit late." I added. "So, where did you see them?"

She thought for a moment.

"I'm pretty positive it was in the kind of park between the Quills and Sofa store and that other pony's house, what's her name, with the green mane..."

"Daisy?" asked Pinkie.

"I... think, yeah?" replied Bon Bon, unsure. "Anyway, you see what place I'm talking about don't you?"

"Yes." we replied in unison.

Bon Bon appear to feel a bit awkward, which I interpreted as her being sorry for not being able to provide much interesting informations. It sounds like a very specific emotion, I know, but it was written all over her face.

The blue and pink-maned pony gazed quickly at her mare - gosh it sounds awkward written like that - as to ask for some kind of mental support, but Lyra looked like she was all out of bucks to give, staring in blank space, sitting on the sofa in a similar position to mine, which I wasn't quite sure was as comfortable to her as it was to me.

"Are you sure it was them?" I dared to question.

"Oh, yes, I did recognize that one with the bow, from the apple family." Was her answer, delivered with an uneasy expression, as if some bad memories were flooding back to her mind. I didn't understand why.

"Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, didn't they go to another place, do anything particular or whatever?"

"Not really, they were just here playing with a ball. I stopped to talk a bit with a friend of mine, Starlight. She's a really nice mare, we discussed for maybe, 5 minutes, but then she told me she had to go, so I went on with my day." She put her hoof on her chin, trying to gather memories. "I think the fillies were still here when I left."

"Hm, so apart from that Starlight one, were there any other ponies around?".

"Yes, actually, several ponies walked in and out of here when I was chatting with her." Her eyes suddenly widened. "Oh wait, I think one colt did talk to the fillies, actually!"

"Oh, really? What did he look like?" asked Pinkie, who even though she was completely motionless, somehow managed to convey "bounciness" through her voice. In a serious way.

"Er... he wasn't really big for a stallion, and his colors were ... brown-ish, overall..."

"Deary" interrupted Lyra, whom we had already forgotten even existed "Wouldn't that be Caramel?"

"Hey, we know Caramel, don't we, Spike?" exclaimed my companion, turning to me.

Saying that I know Caramel would be as much of an exaggeration as saying Snails was slow was an euphemism, but I did meet him a few times, yeah. I think he was a friend of Big Macintosh, so this may explain that.

"Yeah, I guess we do. Brown mane, yellow coat and..." crap what was it already? "... horseshoes cutie mark, right?"

"Yes, I think." answered Bon Bon. "He just walked to the three of them when they were playing, and talked a little bit. He'd left pretty soon, though."

"Any other ponies?"

"Hm, I think I saw a mare with a pink coat and very light blond hair..."

"Fluttershy?" I interrupted

"No silly, pink COAT and blond HAIR, not blond COAT and pink HAIR." corrected my pink partner. "That's Flower Shine.."

"... unless I saw her in another street... and there was also a young mare with, er... a white coat, I think?"

I turned to Pink but she just shrugged. Well, we knew at least two ponies were there, so it wasn't all bad, right?

"Well, I think that's enough, we'll just ask Caramel and, erm..."

"Flower Shine"

"Yeah, Flower Shine, tomorrow." I looked quickly over a timepiece, and it was getting late. "I think we'd better be going now, the others are searching too, but thanks for your time, Bon Bon, sorry to have disturbed you."

"Oh, not at all of course, it's perfectly normal." replied the mare.

She asked us if we wanted to stay for dinner, we both said no. I don't think Twilight and the others would be reassured if we went missing too after searching for the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

They probably wouldn't be really happy if they learned that, while they were deep in the scariest and most dangerous place in all of Equestria, we were having a nice dinner with two random ponies.

Oh, by the way, what had happened of them? I suddenly thought. It had been more than an hour since Rarity and I had left the library, and Celestia only knows what can happen in the Everfree forest during that time. I pushed the though back in my mind.

As we got ready to leave, the green-ish blue-or-whatever unicorn got her attention away from the book she had apparently summoned from an alternate dimension - or perhaps I hadn't noticed her standing up, walking to the book shelf and sitting back on the sofa - and wished us good luck et cetera, saying she didn't dare imagining what we must be going through.

Here we go again, just like I was saying earlier. Hypothetical orgy, hypothetical orgy all over the place, but... no.

Anyway, I thought for a second about what I actually was going through, and realized I probably wasn't as worried as I should be. I mean sure, I was a bit scared that something may have happened to the fillies - Rarity's sister or not - but... I don't know. After an ancient spirit of Chaos taking over the world, a cockatrice menacing to turn everypony into stone, an Hydra, Ursa Minor and other creatures attacking us, an Evil Princess (that wasn't Celestia) meaning to make the night last forever....

Yeah, part of me said it was going to turn alright in no time, and nothing too bad could have happened. I wonder why.

The two lesbos were nice, very nice, really, I'll have to remember to visit them. They wouldn't let us get out of the house without hearing a parade of motivational phrases, attempts to convince us to stay for lunch, apologies for not being much more useful for our research, et cetera.

Pinkie Pie insisting on staying because she had heard of Bon Bon's talents for cooking didn't really help.

It quickly became annoying, so I had to resort on the most obvious excuse - that we had more searching to do - and they finally let us go.

With the satisfying feeling that I had at least tried to accomplish something, I said good night to Pinkie Pie, and headed to the library, thinking how my day went.

One moment you're doing nerd things with your nerd of a best friend, and barely two hours later, you're struggling to get away from a couple of lesbians who are begging you to stay over at their house for the night.

Life is funny.

Sweet Apple Cider

Twilight obviously wasn't here when I came back home, but I thought I may as well try waiting for her before going to bed.

Hoping it would help me stay awake, I tried to pass time the best possible way in a library: reading. I picked up a random book, not even bothering to remember what category it was in. I don't think I could have, anyway, since Twilight has got this habit of re-organizing entirely the books, so what was the fiction section last week may as well be the language section, today.

It turned out I wasn't lucky, and had gotten a volume about pony history. While it described some ancient wars and conflicts between ponies and other creatures with admirable accuracy and indubitable passion, it was written in a truly insipid way. You know, like it never occurred to the writer that somepony with no experience of the subject may one day come across his work.

Comparisons and references to otherwise forgotten personalities from various pony periods (with impossible names the likes of "3rd post-neo-Sororal era"), maps and illustration with no legends whatsoever, untranslated extracts from old treaties in some ancient language, complex writing yet lacking the fascinating charm of an almost sexual nature of your narrator's...

Or, to put it more simply: none of the things that can make me hate a book were absent from this one.

Which may be the reason I soon fell asleep, while trying to decipher the meaning of a particularly tricky paragraph.

As I heard a loud, low-pitched and raspy sound, I realized I just had been awoken by Twilight's disgustingly loud snoring, next morning. Apparently, the mare had been kind enough to generously carry me from the library's floor into my basket-bed thingy, sparing me the torture of sleeping on the ground. Nothing is worse that starting a new day with back pain.

My mind was as able to form a thought as Applejack was able to count to three, but it still managed to gather some memories from the previous chapter, somehow clear enough for me to realize what little problem we were having. I decided not to respect my sister's slumber, instead waking her right the hell up to ask her about how last night went for her.

She didn't appreciate, but understood my desire - well, no shit - and told me about her night.

Basically, Big Macintosh, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and her had spend most of it - the night - walking through and flying above the Everfree Forest, hoping to find any trace of Appleblom and company. They didn't, obviously. Miss Magic then went over to Zecora's place, who hadn't seen them either but agreed to help them for the rest of the night.

Which had been completely useless, just like later joining in with Rarity, her parents and Fluttershy to search places around the town. The three little retards were nowhere to be found.

"Applejack and Rarity are devastated" stated my tired friend. "Rarity kept switching between complete hysteria and dramatic stoicism, and AJ was starting to get all, paranoid and angry, she... she said they had been kidnapped or...something. It was awful."

I raised a brow, surprised that the lavender mare would care to complain about her friends' less than perfect behavior in this kind of situation. I could perceive in her eyes the exact moment when she realized what I was thinking about.

"Oh Spike, I know I shouldn't be talking like this about them, I mean I'm just as worried as they are, of course." she apologized.

I could believe that. Go on, my dear.

"... it's just that I've spent the whole night trying to calm them so that we could be efficient in our search. I mean, all they did was make everypony panic even more than we already did... and Big Macintosh didn't help either."

"What was he like?"

"Kind of like Applejack, he kept talking about some kind of... of conspiracy, or kidnapping, except he didn't get angrier, he was already enraged from the beginning. It was terrifying, I... I'd never seen him like this before."

"Was it that bad?" I asked.

"Yes, it was." she confirmed. "At one point he almost attacked two random ponies who were passing, just because."

"Almost?"

"Telekinesis." she answered, pointing at her own horn.

"Oh."

A few seconds passed in silence, as I tried to picture the Apple brother, worried enough about his sibling to go and try to trash random ponies' shits. The mental image was surely impressive, since he was easily the biggest stallion in town (I won't even bother with a self-aware and sarcastic remark about a double entendre) and also known as the most laid-back pony ever. Perhaps with the exception of that Snails dude, but I attributed that on him being a complete retard, stoner, or a combination of the two.

"How about you Spike?" she questioned your modest narrator. "Rarity told me you left her after searching through Ponyville, what did you do afterward?"

"Oh, well, I ran into Pinkie Pie, she was asking ponies on the streets about... them."

"Did she get anything useful?"

"Well, there was one pony who had seen them just before they disappeared, Bon Bon." I looked over at Twilight's face. "Lyra's marefriend, you know, she was a neighbor in Canterlot."

"Oh, yeah" said Twilight with a suddenly uneasy expression.

She stared at me weirdly, and I could feel where the awkwardness was coming from. I was growing slightly older, already, but I've never really been the kind to talk about stuff like that, at least not with her. And if "stuff like that" is too subtle for you to understand, I mean sex.

You know, that one subject 100% of commonly used curses are derived from, yet kids are still expected not to know about. The purple idiot always thought of me as a baby, obviously, and although that was theoretically correct (since you know, I kind of am a freaking dragon) I'd been alive long enough to qualify as a teenager by pony standards. With my - great - intelligence developing accordingly.

Or, to put it more lightly: why in the hell would you not expect me to know about that?

Well, because Twilight Flopple didn't like the idea that I was growing older, that's why. She liked having a baby brother-assistant, and she wasn't going to admit to herself I was one day going to be independent and old enough to live without her. Until the day it actually happens, at least.

Sure, I wasn't rampaging through the town, destroying or stealing anything on my path, but time was slowly having its natural effect on me.

Regardless, Twilight had obviously expected me to be so innocent that I wouldn't know about such incredibly complex concepts as homosexuality, which I deemed as sweet, because otherwise I'd find it plainly offensive.

"I went to their house with Pinkie Pie", I kept on telling, "we asked them some questions, and simply left. I was feeling really tired after that, so..." I finished as a kind of apology..

"So?"

"So, Bon Bon last saw her..." I tried to remember. "Behind the Quills and Sofa store, you know, the kind of park?" She nooded. "Also there were some other ponies around, some mare and.... and Caramel. He even talked to them."

"Caramel... isn't that a friend of Big Macintosh?"

"Yeah."

"... Maybe we should go ask him before Big Mac hears about it?"

"That's what I was thinking."

We both sat on her bed - I had climbed in it as we talked - in silence, thinking loudly. Something was disturbing me greatly, but I couldn't quite tell what it was. A strange feeling, of apprehension, fear.

"Twilight?" I called, quietly.

"Spike?"

"What do you... what do you think happened to them? I mean, Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo?"

I can't say the three fillies were the ponies I cared the most about, but the story was starting to bother me. Something just didn't feel right. We've had quite a lot of frights like this, in the past, with the three idiots causing troubles to themselves or anypony around them, but it would usually all be solved in half an hour.

"Oh Spike" exclaimed Twilight. "I... I don't know, I hope... I'm sure nothing bad has happened. They're probably just lost somewhere, we'll find them."

The spirit was spot on, but her heart definitively wasn't in it. We stared for a moments at each others, not saying shit, because we knew we were both thinking exactly the same thing:

What in Equestria had happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

"Caramel? An' why would y'all want to see Caramel?"

"Nothing important, just some book from the library he hasn't gotten back."

"Hmph." he simply stated.

"So, where does he live?"

"Ah ain't dumb, Spike."

"Uh?"

"Pinkie Pie told me what y'all were up to, yesterday. She didn't say much, but ah reckon y'all think Caramel's got something to do with mah sister an' her friends."

Well, shit, the bastard was more perspicacious than I expected. Y'get ta see the apple before eatin' it, but it's the taste that really matters would say Applejack, to whom none of the things that were dumb were unknown.

Alas, her brother wasn't as close to her level of intelligence as I'd expected, so it seemed. I could only guess that Applejack and Applebloom had inherited the bad genes. Not much of a point trying to lie to him, now, was there?

"He's just seen them yester- er, two days ago I mean, nothing more, really." I told him.

Big Mac Daddy looked at me, judging me silently, with a looong cold stare. I hate to admit it, but the dude was pretty terrifying. Had you been at my place, there's a good chance your pants wouldn't have made it safe and clean.

I'll let you decide if the fact that I don't wear any was fortunate or not.

"Well, looks like Twi told y'all 'bout me, didn't she?"

I nodded.

"Hmph." once again. "Kay, ah reckon ah wasn't really actin' smart yesterday, ah'm just bein' scared for mah sis, y'know?"

I rather redundantly nooded again, fascinated by the character. For most stallions, simply admitting being scared would be considered inacceptable, or at least slightly homosexual. Big Mac, he didn't give a crap. He would sing you a song about making dresses and you'd feel like you were being poisonned with testosterone.

And, most impressively, it would actually be the case.

Ah'm just bein' scared, while it not may seem like much, could be considered the equivalent of a dramatic monologue for a pony the likes of him. A stallion of few words, he was, but each and every one of these had the meaning of a thousand. The delivery added a nice touch, too, as "bein' scared" suddenly seemed to mean "about to trash your shit", in this context.

The second most masculine pony in town after Rainbow Dash continued to talk:

"Ah swear ah'm not gonna act like yesterday, really, but don't ya tell me no lies, okay? Why d'ya wanna see Caramel?"

"I don't even KNOW, Macintosh" I answered. "There's just this pony who saw him at the same place and time as your sister, I'm just gonna ask if he's seen anything, that's ALL!"

He gave me that same judging stare I didn't know he mastered so well, at least until something clicked. Or un-clicked, if you get what I mean. I guess there must be something about the way I talk when I lie, or maybe he was just good at telling, since my sincerity apparently caused him to calm down.

Just a bit.

"His house's on th' main street, the corner with the small street that goes to the market place." he replied slowly. "But ah reckon right now he's probably at work."

"Where does he work?"

Shrug.

"Ah dunno, sometimes he helps with th' farm, sometimes he delivers stuff for Miss Cake... he's kind of a, how d'ya say, jack of all trades?"

"I see." I sighed. "When does he finish?"

"Dunno, but he sometimes visit the farm. Wanna wait with me?"

Quick, an excuse. I'm sorry, I need to help Twilight. Nope, doesn't sound right. What's Twilight doing, anyway? I think she was meeting with the others to talk about some stuff, but I don't know where they are. Beside, what if he asks to come along? Need something else.

I've got to go to Sugarcube Corner get something Twilight ordered? Naw, it'll sound like food his more important than his sister. (it obviously was, but pretending the contrary is called "tact", my good friend). Same would go for any shop, actually, so there went my excuses. I need to go ask other ponies about this whole thing? He'll want to come along with me for sure, and I didn't even remember the name of that other mare who saw the three girls.

You know what?

Screw that. I actually feel like wasting my time in a farm. It's not like I've got much better to do, anyway.

I guess I felt a bit bad about the dude at the moment, scared like hell about his sister but having to stay on his own, wallowing in his own panic, sadness and ignorance, so I agreed to help him for a bit of the afternoon.

Applejack was off to town with Rarity and the others, as I said earlier, making plans for what to do or not to do, whether or not they should tell the authorities and all, so Mac was left at the farm to do all the work for the day. They couldn't afford leaving the farm only to Granny Smith's care, after all - the fossil's hip was perfectly fine until last time she tried bucking an apple tree, I once heard from Applebloom.

"So, ah've got some applebuckin' to do. Don't think yer strong enough t'do that, but y'all can carry th' buckets around. Ah reckon you'll be faster than me."

And so the two of us headed to the fields, and went to do some apple picking. It quickly appeared to be a terribly bad idea, as the buckets used to carry the fruits were almost as big and heavy as me, and so we ended up taking almost as much time as he alone would normally have.

I'll have to remember never to do that again.

I tried to converse a bit, but the giant wasn't very talkative, as usual, only answering by quick eeyups and eenopes.

Or at least until we took a break, because ah looked pretty exhausted already.

He led me to his barn, proposing me to sit on a wooden chair, next to an old barrel which seemed to serve as a kind of table. He sat down too, and got out of nowhere a bottle of a yellow-ish, presumably alcoholic drink, asking me if I wanted to have a taste.

I couldn't refuse, of course - I was this age when booze seems like the most amazing thing in all of Equestria, but nopony will let you have any - so I let him pour as much as he wanted into two rather large glasses, one of which he gave me. The other one he drank almost instantly, and had to fill a second time, as he started asking me questions again:

"So, d'ya think Caramel knows somethin'?"

"How d'ya know he saw 'em?"

"Somepony else saw 'em?"

I didn't really have any reason to lie, so I told him the whats and whens, and soon my yesterday had no secrets to hide from the monster.

"So yer sayin' Caramel's the last pony who talked to 'em?"

"So far, yeah, but maybe he saw somepony or something. I don't know."

"Hm."

"So, erm... when did... when did you last see her, anyway?"

"Lil' Applebloom?"

I nooded.

"Two days ago, b'fore she went to school." he simply stated before sipping again in his glass.

I tried to observe the Macintoshian beast in front of me, trying to analyze his appearance. Still as huge and slow as his usual self, and still possessing this same likeliness to bash the brains out of your skull by a firm kick in the ass as he'd showcased earlier, but I noticed there was something else about him, something that almost seemed fragile.

Maybe it was the alcohol kicking in or the disappearance of his beloved sister that was eating him from the inside, but a ridiculously small part of him seemed like it could break into tears any moment.

"Listen, Mac..." Holy crap, that nickname sounds ridiculous. "...intosh, I'm... we'll manage to find them, I'm sure about that."

Big Fatty Tosh looked over to me with his tired eyes, attempting to connect some of his ten neurons together and integrate my pathetic motivational remark, and did something for the first time today.

He smiled.

"Thanks Spike, yer cool." he chuckled. "Applejack an' Granny Smith say ah should be takin' care of the farm while the gals take care of th' problem, but if y'need help, y'can ask me."

"Erm, okay."

"S'nice of y'all t'help so much, why d'you even do that?"

I guess I couldn't really answer that I didn't even know why, that I just felt bored enough to help, so I tried to make myself sound like a better person.

"I just want to help, really. I... sincerely, I'm getting a bit worried about the fillies, too."

The dude didn't say anything, instead getting another bottle - I hadn't even noticed we'd finished the first one - and starting to pour its content in his glass.

As we started to attack this bottleful of a much stronger liquor, we kept on chatting, discussing about the Cutie Mark Crusaders' shenanigans, our friends, and inevitably, like any good conversation between two alpha males, leading to:

"... what I'm saying is that there's no way Pinkie Pie is sexier than Dash. I mean, come on, have you seen her a-"

"Naw, ya don't get me, ah'm just sayin' she'd be better to date 'cause she's like, funnier, y'know?"

"Date, Pinkie Pie? Are you crazy?"

"Ah'm just comparin'."

"Dunno, I really wouldn't date either of them. I mean come on, Pinkie Pie is funny but she's like... batshit insane. And Rainbow's too annoying... and probably a lesbian anyway."

"Eenope, don't think she ain't no fillyfooler."

I cringed harder than I ever had at the glorious triple negative.

"Doesn't matter anyway, she's like, way too much of a dude, man."

He chuckled.

"Y'all only care for that fancy unicorn, dontcha?"

"Hey, what do you... how do you know?" I asked, my speech capacities affected already.

"Mah sister told me, but yer... ah reckon yer not subtle 'bout it."

"Eh, I-I guess that's true." I mumbled. "But man, I mean you've seen her, right? She's like... so... so freaking perfect."

"Ah guess she's got pretty good looks, eeyup."

"Pretty good? More like-"

"Ah got it, Spike." he laughed.

"How about you, you... do you like somepony in particular?

He shrugged.

"Dunno, ah guess Twi an' Fluttershy are kinda nice an' good lookin', an' there's plenty of other mares in town, but ah ain't got time for that, really."

"So what, you like... never had a marefriend?"

"Eenope, ah dated some mares in school, but really, ah got better things to do."

"Better things to do?"

"Eeyup."

I was about to comment on how pretty much every filly in town had fantasized about him at least once in their lifetime - or more realistically, at least once today - when we heard the sound of somepony running toward the barn, shouting Big Macintosh's name.

We barely had enough time to hide the drinks - without spilling any on the floor or table - before Applejack came inside, looking as though she had just ran a marathon.

"Big Macintosh, Spike, there y'all are!"

"What's th' matter, sis?" asked Mac.

"We... Rarity... got somethin', y'all gotta... just go with me to Twi's library, ah'll explain."

Knockity-knock!

"Come in!" we heard Twilight say.

We opened the door and stepped inside, bringing in a much needed male presence as we noticed that inside the library stood the whole gang - Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie - who interrupted their loud discussions as we came in.

"Spike, Big Macintosh, Applejack, there you are!" exclaimed Twilight.

When the female farmer told us that they had "found something", I actually expected good news about the situation, but they didn't look happy.

At all.

Pinkie Pie wasn't smiling, which was purely depressing, Twilight and Rainbow Dash both seemed incredibly gloomy, and Rarity was crying her magnificent eyes out, while Fluttershy was trying her best to hug the tears out of the beauty.

Expecting the worse, with as much control over my own voice as the cider and the run from Sweet Apple Acres to the library would let me have, I asked.

"We ran as... as fast as we could, what's happened?"

"It's.... it's Rarity" answered Twilight in a weak voice. "She.... she got a letter."

Twilight levitated a parchment scroll toward Big Macintosh and I, for both of us to read it. It consisted of a collage of cut and pasted bits from magazines, and read:

Rarity

Your sister and her friends are safe at the moment but you have to follow my instructions if you ever want to see them again

You have got one week to gather 100 000 bits. Next Monday, you will put the money in two brown saddlebags with no decorations or anything on them, and at exactly 11 pm, you - and only you - will walk to the Everfree forest, using the path that's in continuation with Clover Street.
As soon as you get to the edge of the forest, put the saddlebags on the ground, and walk right back to your home. More informations will follow.

Don't tell anypony, don't try anything, and everypony will be safe.

Only I know where they are

"I was walking Rarity back to her home after we were talking to the mayor." stated Fluttershy in her usual soft voice, was still holding a crying unicorn in her hooves. "So we... we both found the letter at the same time..."

She seemed as if she was sorry about it, probably since the letter specified not to tell anypony, but I thought it was pretty fortunate.

In all sincerity, it was no doubt that Rarity was a brave, intelligent and surprisingly strong mare, but in this situation, it was pretty safe to expect her to shut the hell up and just give away the money.

I looked over to Twilight, who was clearly thinking the same thing as me.

"I... I can't believe it, who would kidnap 3 fillies just for... for money? That doesn't-"

"Ah swear if ah meet the son of a BITCH who did that I'll TRASH HIS FUC-"

Big Macintosh's screaming was suddenly interrupted by one of Twilight's most useful spell, the one that shuts your mouth like a zipper. The stallion started furiously stomping his hooves on the ground to express his anger - causing us all to step back a bit - but stopped when he realized he was progressively losing his balance.

"I agree with Macintosh, though!" claimed Rainbow Dash when the stallion's angered breathing got softer.

"We all do, Rainbow, but that pony's got mah sister an' her friends" exclamed Applejack. "Ah hate that kind of... erm..."

"Blackmail." said Twilight.

"Yeah, ah hate that as much as y'all, but...."

"But what?" asked the purple unicorn.

"Well... ah dunno, that's all we got so... if that guy can get mah sis back..."

"You... you want to pay that pony?"

"No, ah don't want to pay them, if ah could ah'd just kick his flank I would, but... that's different Whaddya think, Rare?"

For the first time, the (not-Sweetie) belle attempted to interrupt her sobbing (and was surprisingly good at it) and pulled out from Fluttershy's embrace. Rubbing some tears out of her eyes, she stated:

"I... I think Applejack is right. I mean, I know... I know it's wrong, and that kind of behavior shouldn't be encouraged, but yes, I just want the girls to be safe."

"So what, you guys are gonna let that pony get away with this?" asked Lebso Dash, incredulously and unintelligently.

"Well, I don't want to, but... I don't know, I... think about them. They are more important than some... principles."

We were just about to stare at each others in silence for as long as needed, when Big Macintosh reminded us of his massive presence, as he started to stomp violently on the floor again, his mouth still zipped. Twilight undid the spell, and he finally stopped, giving her a last deadly stare before starting to express himself in a surprisingly calm tone:

"Ah reckon we should give the money, an' then try to figure out who that is."

"What, do you mean like, following him?" asked Twilight.

"Them." corrected Rainbow Dash.

"Yeah, try to follow them?"

"Eeyup."

"I think they're gonna expect that, no?" asked the rainbow pegasus.

"I don't know" answered the unicorn. "They probably expect only Rarity to know about this, so..."

She didn't finish her sentence as not to offend the other unicorn, but we all understood what she meant. Whoever had done this would obviously expect Rarity to give away the money, and shut up about it.

"Ah reckon they'd probably expect us to try an' trick 'em" stated the farm mare. "We just hafta be more smarter than them."

"What do you mean?" asked Twilight.

"Well, we hafta find somethin', I mean if we..."

"Oh, I know, I know!" interrupted Pinkie Pie, turning to the lavender unicorn. "Maybe you've got some spell that could help us?"

"Hm... I guess I could try finding something, like some kind of invisibility spell, yeah, but that's got to be pretty hard."

"Er, sorry Twilight..." started Fluttershy, her voice getting even softer and more hesitant when she noticed the whole room was suddenly paying attention to her. "I don't mean to, erm... well, I mean if we want to sneak up on them, we... we still need to find the money somewhere..."

"Ah reckon ah got some bits lefts from last season, and I'm pretty sure Rarity..."

As the mares discussed their amazing plan together, I turned to Big Macintosh. The stallion looked as though he was going to fall asleep any moment now, and his balance was getting more and more unstable. I imagine I must have seemed pretty similar similar, judging from how wasted I was feeling at the moment.

Macintosh was way, way, way bigger than me, though, so from his state, I guessed he must have already drank before I met him, earlier. And I knew he'd finished the first and second bottle almost on his own, so...

"Mac" I whispered to him.

He eeyuped me quietly.

"Say, while they're busy planning stuff, maybe we should see Caramel or something? If he's seen anypony, maybe we can spare some work for the girls?"

It took him a while to understand my question.

"Eeyup, ah reckon yer right."

I was going to tell the mares we were leaving, but they were too busy talking anyway, so we just left without saying anything.

After standing up for so long, walking proved to be much more difficult that you'd think, especially on two legs. I thought for a second about riding on Big Mac's back, but he looked like he was having just as much troubles as me moving his huge mass, so I forgot the idea.

"So, what'd ya think we will... should do?" he asked.

"I don't know... just try to find Caramel."

"D'ya wanna to... want to wait in th'barn again?"

"Hell yeah" I answered, thinking about the bottle of Southern Comfort we'd left unfinished.

"Oooooh, what are you guys doing?" asked a high-pitched voice behind me.

I turned to see Pinkie Pie, her face inches away from mine, jumped and fell to the ground in surprise. Big Macintosh turned much more slowly, and looked at the pink pony with a complete inability to decide what to think about that.

"Pinkie? What... how'd you get here?" I asked, since she was still in the middle of the conversation when we were walking away from the library.

"Well, I left, duh." she answered. "What are you doing?"

"We're trying to find Caramel, since you know, we learned yester-"

"Oh, Caramel? He's helping Mrs Cake bake today!"

"What? Why didn't you tell us?"

"You didn't ask."

I put my hand to my forehead in exasperation.

"So, erm... we think we're gonna ask him if he's, like, seen anypony. Maybe he saw like the... whoever... sent that letter?"

"Ooooh, good idea!" she exclamed. "Can I come along? Please, please, pleaaaaase!"

I turned my head to Big Macintosh, but he was staring into blank space.

"Er, yeah, sure, let's go."

"Oh Pinkie Pie, there you are! Aaand, hello Spike and Big Macintosh, what are you all doing here, dearies?"

"Is Caramel still here?" asked the pink pony. "We wanna talk to him!"

"Oh, yes dear, he's in the kitchen right now... Please, do come in, you two."

It took a few seconds before Big Mac and I realized that Mrs Cake was referring to the two of us. When we did, we walked inside Sugarcube Corner and headed toward the kitchen.

"Carameeel." the older mare called. "There are some ponies who want to talk with you!"

We heard the colt's voice answer as he got out of the kitchen.

"Oh, really, who is i- oh, er, hello every....pony?"

Judging by the look on his face, I concluded we probably seemed completely trashed. Which may have been the case.

"Oh, Big Macintosh, Pinkie Pie and... Spike, is it? What are you all doing here?"

"We're... we want ta talk t'ya 'bout mah sis an'... an mah sis's friends."

"I... what?"

"We wanna know if- if you've seen them - no wait, no... - yeah, you saw them two days ago, didn't you?" I managed to blurt out.

"Er... yes, why?"

"They disappeared, can't find 'em" answered the red stallion.

"What? Oh, Macintosh, I'm... I'm so sorry, are you-"

"- An' Spinkie and Pike here reckon yer th'last one who's talked to them, so we're here to question... ask questions!"

"Oh, really?" asked the smaller stallion. "That's strange, they were other ponies around."

"Yeah, we know that, but th'others didn't see anything particular, so... so yeah, didya see anythin?"

I focused on Caramel as he was about to answer, and focused a bit on his appearance. I did remember his color pattern, the yellow-ish coat and brown hair, blue eyes, but I didn't remember he looked so... effeminate.

It was probably just compared to Big Mac, but the colt was undeniably feminine-looking. He was barely taller than Pinkie Pie, pretty thin, and although his voice wasn't high pitched, it had a strange mix of feminine and masculine intonations. His posture and general attitude were rather normal, though, but that wasn't enough to compensate.

"Er... what do you mean, anything?" he asked.

"Well" started Pinkie Pie. "Like, yesterday, when we asked Bon Bon, she said she saw some ponies around and then she said she saw you, and you talked to Applebloom and her friends, so if we ask you maybe you've seen more ponies and we can know where they are!"

We had agreed that mentioning the letter to anypony outside of the group would be a terrible idea, since the girls' plan obviously relied on the kidnapper thinking that only Rarity had received it.

"Oh yeah, forgot 'bout that, why'd ya talk to them?" asked the only real stallion in the room, menacingly.

"I was just saying hello." answered Caramel, slightly scared by the red colt. "Applebloom asked me if I was gonna help you out with the farm that day, so I told her no, and I left, that's just it."

"So... you did- didn't see anything or anypony?" I asked.

"Well, there were other ponies around, yeah, I think I did see Bon Bon, and..."

"I mean, nothing unusual?"

"Hm... well, not really around the fillies, but a bit earlier that day, I saw a unicorn I'd never seen before, probably from another town. Don't think that helps much though, does it?"

"What did he looked - look like?"

"Hm... he seemed pretty handsome, and was very tall, kind of like you." he said, pointing to Macintosh.

Mac Bro raised an eyebrow upon the remark, causing Caramel to have a bit more troubles pronouncing the next sentences:

"Erm, but he... he wasn't as... he was pretty thin, all ... bones."

"How 'bout his colors?" asked Pinkie's high pitched voice.

"He.. his coat was some kind of... blue-ish gray, rather light... blond mane..."

"Cutie mark?"

"Don't remember. But, er... his mane and tail were a bit long, for a colt. And pretty wavy too."

I turned to Pinkamena, waiting for the diagnosis.

"I don't think he was from here, I've never seen a pony like that in Ponyville. I think old Garden Yard used to have a blond mane, but he's not really tall and also his mane has been white for like 10 years so unless he somehow managed to go back through time he wou-"

"No, he was the same age as me, I think." interrupted the brown earth pony.

"An' where'd ya see him?" asked Big Macintosh, loud enough to sound completely retarded.

"Erm, just... just next to the town hall, in the big place."

We were asking him about other random details - who else he'd seen, if he could remember precisely what happened - when we heard a highly disturbing sound coming from Big Macintosh's throat, and all turned to see him grandiosely puking his digestive system out on the ground of Sugarcube Corner, every details of his previous meals exposed for us to admire, accompanied with the wonderfully nauseating smell of his gastric secretions.

Perhaps it was time for us to leave.

Mrs Cake insisted that I didn't need to help cleaning up the mess, Pinkie Pie and her would take care of it, and so I told her goodbye and got Big Macintosh out of the store - with a bit of help from Caramel, since the monstrous stallion was heavier than all of us.

The shortest pony insisted on helping the huge stallion back to his home, but he seemed to feel well enough to stand on his legs by himself pretty soon, so that wasn't needed.

"S'alright, really, ah can stand just fine." he stated, and started to walk around a bit to demonstrate.

Truly amazing, the feats a pony the likes of him can accomplish. Walk.

With 4 legs, too. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even have been able to stand, if he was a bipedal like me.

"How did he get like that?" whispered Caramel to me.

"Er... we kinda had some drinks, and it eventually became 3 bottles."

"At 5 pm?"

"Yeah, I... I think he was already drunk actually. Well, he just... his sister disappeared, I guess that doesn't... do him much good." I said.

"Oh my, poor Macintosh." he said. "I'd really love to spend some time with him, but I'm very busy today... I think I'll try visiting him later. Anyway, see you, Spike, see you Mac!"

"Seeya." mumbled the large stallion.

We both started heading to Sweet Apple Acres again, talking about the discussion we just had.

"So... what d'ya think 'bout that?"

"What do you mean?"

"That... erm... blond stallion... think that's him?"

"I... I don't know.... actually, I don't think that's him, no."

"Why?"

"Well, the... the guy who sent the letter to Rarity, he... they obviously knew the girls, didn't they? I mean, he at least knew he kidnapped two of their sisters..."

"Hm... eeyup, yer right.... b'sides, strangers ain't too uncommon in Ponyville... so..."

"Yeah... it's kind of a stupid thing to do, anyway? Does that... pony really expect us to... to not try and get him?"

A vague eeyup.

"I mean," I continued. "There's so many things that can go wrong with their plan... it's... stupid, man."

I kept on rambling on and on about the subject to a barely-paying-attention and intoxicated stallion for about a minute, until I realized he wasn't even bothering to eeyup my rethoric questions. I left some silence between the two of us for some times, before he managed to blurt out a question:

"Hm, d'ya think Mrs Cake's angry at me?"

"Dunno. But dude seriously, what's with puking in the middle of a conversation?"

"Ah dunno... drank too much..."

"Where you already wasted when I arrived or something?"

"Eeey... maybe."

And so, like the drunken morons we were, we kept on walking together, laughing and chatting about subject which level of intelligence probably made much more than one philosopher roll in his grave, simply enjoying each other's presence.

Nothing brings individual together like stupidity and booze, that's a fact.

Rock the Night

"Wait, so you're telling me that the guy was actually the SHERIFF?"

"Eeyup!" he answered with a subtle but sincere grin on his face. "An' that's also how he found out that Ah was the one who'd gone to his home durin' the night. Ah didn't say anythin' bout Braeburn, though."

"Oh Celestia, I just wish I could have seen that!" I exclaimed.. "What did... what did he say?"

"Ah reckon he'd have taken it a bit better if the mare who'd gotten it all over herself wasn't his wife."

I burst into laughter as soon as the punchline made sense to my neurons, tears almost forming themselves in my eyes. The Big One chuckled along with me, as I tried to control my hilarity, attempting to breath in a healthier way.

"Hahaha, oh man... really, you're not making that up?" I asked.

"Eenope. Ask Braeburn, he'll tell ya the same story."

"Gosh, that's freaking... that's just hilarious, dude! Is that why you didn't want to go to Appleloosa with us, last time?"

"Eeyup, ah don't think they'd be very happy t'see me 'round here."

"Eh, you missed some fun stuff." I declared, with the amazingly annoying tone of the kid-who-thinks-he's-seen-it-all. "Not as fun as that, though.

You know what? I've got to admit, I would have never imagined Big Macintosh could be such a fun colt to be around.

Being as calm and introvert as that giant was, you would expect him to be a rather boring kind of pony, but man, how wrong would you be!

Okay, "fun" wasn't really the best word, but hell, he actually had a shitload of things to say, general opinions on any subject, hilarious anecdotes from when he was a teenager...

I found myself spending more time with this sweet bastard than I would have ever imagined, during the following week. Applejack obviously hadn't appreciated finding us both completely intoxicated and sleeping in the middle of her barn, but her bro and I ended up finding some kind of appreciation for each others, so it was absolutely swell.

This guy, he's very serious about his job at the farm, always keeping on working, buckin' dem apple trees as if it would always remain his main priority in life, and you could feel was still shocked about his sister's kidnapping, but if you caught him at the right moment, you'd manage to get pretty fun conversations out of him, which, I repeat, was unexpected.

I guess finding another guy - that is neither Snips nor Snails - to talk to about male things is always nice, in a town mostly populated with mares.

On his side, I think he was just thankful for me trying to help, so he didn't mind me hanging out with him too much.

The stallion looked at the sun, and somehow concluded that we had been talking for a long time, already. He excused himself and told me that he had to get 'dem trees bucked or Applejack would kill him, so we said goodbye and short story short, I was making my way back to the library.

Although I managed to find some rare but enjoyable moments in Sweet Apple Acres, the next week was a real pain in that one part of the body, generally speaking. It'd started the morning right after we got the letter - and I spent the night with the Big Macintoshosaurus:

"Suffer all you want, I'm not going to be sorry for you." My purple sister had told me. "You deserve this."

"Aw, come... come on Twilight, it's... it's hard enough, you don't have to..." I mumbled as I drank a warm cup of tea, trying to ignore the feeling that my skull had been filled with a thousands of razor blades, and that my scales had grown backward during the night.

"I don't have to what?"

"Well, rub it... in my face."

"You're right, I don't have to." she had agreed. "But I'm sure you didn't have to go and get drunk while our friend's sist-."

"I know, I'm... sorry. I swear, I..."

"No, don't even... don't even TRY to find an excuse, I don't wanna hear it." she'd interrupted, slightly hysterical, looking at me like I was the most pathetic thing she'd seen in her life. "Just... just stay quiet. I'd be a terrible friend if I told Rarity about this, but you'd deserve it, you really would. Actually, I don't even know why I don't."

Yeah, I had deserved being sick and all, I can't argue against that, but it's never really pleasant to be reminded how much of a worthless piece of shit you are while your digestive system is trying to puke itself out of your body.

Anyway, I got back from Sweet Apple Acres to the library way faster than it usually seemed, and didn't think of knocking before entering.

I simply opened the door and kicked it open, shouting "Twilight, I'm home!" with the originality I'm well-known for, when I noticed the lavender mare was sitting on the floor, surrounded by a dozen of books, one of which Owlowiscious was standing on, in front of her.

I understood way too late how focused the mare was on whatever she was doing, when she jolted in shock, letting out a surprised scream in reaction to my interruption of her experimentation. The owl had a similarly startled reaction, letting out a weird noise and proceeding to fly away. The Unicorn's horn, which was already glowing, suddenly emitted a way brighter light, which only missed the bird by a few inches.

"Spike!" exclaimed Twilight, when she realized who she had affair to. "Don't come in like that when I'm practicing spells! I could have hurt him!" she added, as she pointed a hoof toward the bird, who had found refuge on top of a book shelf.

"Sorry," I apologized, actually regretting the bird wasn't hurt. "Didn't know you were practicing spells."

"Well, this is a library anyway, libraries are supposed to be quiet."

"When was the last time this library was ever quiet, anyway?"

"5 minutes ago, when the general IQ in this room was still above 80." she replied.

"What were you practicing, anyway?" I asked, ignoring her gratuitously insulting remark, "That chameleon spell?"

"Oh, no, I've already got this one down." answered the Unicorn, already forgetting she was offended as soon as she had an occasion to talk about magic and friendship and shit. "I was just doing some researches, you know, that old book about magic and the mind I showed you, some days ago? Well, I've found some other old volumes" she levitated two even older books closer to herself as she talked.

"Wow, wow, wow." I interrupted. "So you're still continuing these researches? I thought you were supposed to practice spells to help the girls."

"Well, I have of course, but really, I'm convinced there's some real progress that can be made in that particular field of..." she paused for a second. "No, I don't think that field of magic has a name yet, but I was practicing with a Owlowiscious here, and I think I can already feel some kind of magic emerging from him."

"And?"

"And that's the barrier the book mentioned!"

"Twilight, what are you trying to do?"

The old filly stopped for a second, probably realizing she was sounding way too excited about the subject. She took a slow breath, and answered in a calmer tone:

"I... I'm pretty sure I can manage some kinds of spell to... well, not to read minds, that'd be oversimplifying, but..."

"Let me guess, detect a lie?" I asked.

"Yeah, kind of. I'm sure it... I'm sure we could need that, wouldn't we?"

"Well, yeah, but, that sounds kind of..."

"Kind of what?"

I looked over to my adoptive sister, choosing my word carefully:

"Scary."

"How so?"

"I don't know, it doesn't sound right. I know you're not going to try and do anything bad with it, but..."

Well, that was a lie, of course. Twilight was an intelligent pony, but she was as prone to committing stupid acts as anypony else. More than anypony else, actually. Her usual magical abilities were always a problem when she wasn't feeling well, but any kind of spell that would come even remotely close to reading or controlling thoughts would be a pure disaster.

But I've got tact, my friend. And I'm going to use it.

"... but still, maybe something bad can happen? I mean when you grew mustaches, the worst thing that could happen was, well, not having a mustache, but thi-"

"Spike, you don't have to worry about that." she replied in a slightly annoying tone. "Of course I'd be careful, what do you think?"

"You almost hit him with a spell 2 minutes ago. That's what I think."

"Ha ha, very funny, Spike." she retorted, before saying in a slightly more apologetic tone. "Seriously, I'm telling you, I can take care of this. Beside, I'm probably not even close, it's just research. Maybe it's not even possible, but at least I'll know why."

"Pff, if you say so." I concluded, deciding to drop the subject before the conversation got out of hand and hoof.

I guess she was right, the fact that her researches sounded ambitious indicated low probability of success rather than anything. But I still didn't like the idea that somepony who had once cursed the entire town simply out of fear of sending a letter too late could hold such power. Also, I just didn't feel like arguing.

The week had been long, very long, and one dragon can only take so much pain in the butt before wanting peace and quiet. We'd made some plans together, with the girls, regarding whatever shall be done for this whole kidnapping thing (you know, the main thing about this story), and we quickly agreed on how the night would go down:

Rarity would follow exactly what the letter said. Get the money, put it in two saddlebags, walk out of town, put the bags on the ground, walk back home, the end. We'd all agreed that, if everything failed, we may as well try to get the fillies back the way the kidnapper wanted. It would be good enough, since the Cutie Mark Crusaders were still the main priority of the operation.

Getting the money may seem rather hard in only one week, but we managed it. An aspiring fashionista doesn't earn as much as the ones you read about in fashion magazines, of course, but with her recent connections to Canterlot, the white unicorn managed to live very comfortably these days. It took some help from her parents and the Apple family - who were the only ponies we allowed ourselves to tell about the letter - but very soon, the 100 000 bits were gathered, ready to be given when needed!

The mention on the letter that the money should be put in brown saddlebags with no decorations seemed pointless at first, but an explanation was soon found by Applejack.

"They don't want no proof, that's why. If Rarity used one of her fancy bags with gems an' all, we'd just need to find a pony with bags like that. Everypony's got plain brown, simple and practical bags, so ah reckon it'll be harder for anypony to find later."

However, that is only Rarity's part in this amazingly thrilling operation.

We went to check out the place of the rendezvous, and found out it was full of places to hide, since the Everfree Forest got dense very close to its edge. Some trees seemed easy enough to climb, and some bushes were big enough to hide ponies, so while it was perfectly moronic of the kidnapper to choose this place, it was quite fortunate for us.

Twilight had locked herself up in her library for most of the week, trying to find some kind of magic that would be useful for the sneaking up - or ambushing, depending on how well the plan would go. When she found - thanks to Pinkie Pie bouncing all over the room and smashing herself into a random book shelf - a book that included an invisibility spell, it seemed as if every one of our problems were suddenly solved, but it wasn't as good as it sounded: I didn't really turn anypony invisible, it just changed the skin and fur color, just like a chameleon. And didn't last long.

But that was better than nothing, and I wasn't enough of an ingrate bastard to complain about that.

The girls did most of the job making plans for Monday, though, so I was finding myself which much more time on my hands than I liked. One of the first things I did, hoping to pass some time in a useful way, was to go with Pinkie Pie to ask that other pony, Flower Shine, whom Bon Bon had told us about.

She was a thirty-something single mare, possibly divorced, definitively not lonely. She wasn't even close to Rarity's level of beauty, but she was the kind to take care of herself, too. Although she was still young, you could already picture her as an old lady, covered in make up, dyeing her mane the same color as in her youth and wearing clothes that emphasize disturbing parts of her anatomy, refusing to believe that she isn't twenty anymore, with so much enthusiast that you'd actually believe her, until you actually take a look at the parts you'd expected to be functional, at least.

The mare was almost as energetic as Pinkie Pie, but she seemed to spend that energy in talking, instead of hopping around everywhere and melting other ponies' brain. Sorry? Yes, I am implying that she was more talkative than Pinkie Pie.

And yes, it was this bad.

"Oh well, you see, I was going to the market to see my friend, Abi. You see, she was selling some vegetables there, since her friend Carrot Top was way too sick for that. Anyway, she had seen Blue, a stallion she used to date, and he acted like he hadn't seen her, so she was feeling rather sick. You know, the poor thing, she's still got feelings for him, even though I've always..."

Well, you get the picture.

While learning about which pony in town was most likely to have transmitted this bad case of gonorrhea to Berry Punch's cousin was very interesting - and was sure to make great conversation later - it didn't really help us solve the problem one bit, so we soon excused ourselves and managed to leave before the rumors started to be about us or our friends.

So it was a long, painful, stressful, anxious and many more adjectives week, but inevitably, time passed and it was Monday evening.

Almost time.

"So, we got everythin' ready?" asked Applejack.

"I think we do." answered Twilight. "I practiced that chameleon spell, I think I can make it last for about half an hour. It's not time yet, so I'll cast it at the last moment... we've got the bits right in the bags" she said, pointing to two saddlebags on the ground. "And we've checked out the place, there's only 3 ways to leave : the Everfree Forest, the path back to Ponyville or toward South, but it leads directly to Gashtly Gorge."

"Four, there's also the sky." added Rainbow Dash. "I've put some clouds all over the place so that Fluttershy and I can hide, in case Twilight's spell wears out, too."

"Good idea. So, I guess that's all, then?"

"I don't understand, Twilight." I protested. "Why do you absolutely want me to come along?"

"If there's any problem, Spike, you can send a letter to the Princess." Twilight stated, looking at me seriously. "That pony obviously isn't.... isn't normal, so I've written this letter here, so in case of a big problem, it'll take you one second to send it!"

I sighed.

"Don't you have some kind of spell to send letters to Celestia?"

"No, Spike, you know your fire is the only direct magical connection with Celestia anypon- anyone has. Safer and faster than anything else."

Of course I knew that, good old Celestia had spent so many hours teaching me how to do that. But to hear Twilight remind me of this almost made me feel like I was of any importance, at the moment.

"So, what will we do?" I questioned, pointing to myself, her, Applejack and Pinkie Pie.

"Hide in th' forest." answered Applejack. "We've found a perfect spot with lots of trees an' stuff so they won't see us. Big Macintosh can't come, though, yer way too big." she added, turning to him.

He simply nodded.

"Ah reckon ya shouldn't stay too far away, if we need some good ol' flank kicking." she added enthusiastically.

He happily eeyuped his sister.

"So, what time is it?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"10:20." answered Twilight. "Rarity, you should probably be going to your house, already."

Rarity pulled the bags from the ground and put them on her back, giving us all a rather worried stare.

"I... thank you so much for all your help, girls.. I mean, everypon... I mean, everyone." she told us, with the most sincere smile I'd seen on her face in a while. "I hope this will work." she added before leaving the library.

We only had to wait for a few seconds before Twilight exclaimed:

"Alright everypony, let's go!"

"So, what time is it?" I whispered.

"Almost eleven, Rarity will arrive soon." replied Twilight in a soft voice. "Applejack, are you here?"

"Yeah" we barely heard her voice answer. "Ah reckon ya should cast yer spell already, we're pretty much hidden but it can't hurt, ah guess."

Pretty much hidden would be the right words, yeah. Twilight and I were huddled up inside a small bush, while Applejack had managed to climb on top of a rather huge tree, under which we'd decided Rarity would be leaving the bags.

As for Pinkie Pie, she was hidden too, but we couldn't seem to figure out where exactly. Every time we heard her voice, it seemed to come from a different place. (and generally expressed her enthusiasm about the situation being "just like playing hide and seek!")

"You're right, Applejack, hold on."

She got her horn slightly out of the bush, pointed it toward Applejack and closed her eyes in concentration for some seconds. A purple light emerged from it, and disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.

"Did... did it work?"

"Woa, nelly." the farm pony's voice exclaimed quietly. "Ah reckon that's pretty impressive, Twi."

I poked my head out of the bush and looked up at Applejack, and witnessed the effects of the spell on her: I could see her, of course, but for the one and only reason that I knew she was there.

"Alright, Spike, your turn."

She casted the spell on me, herself, and we called the pegasi as quietly as possible.

"I'M HERE!" answered proudly the rainbow-maned mare as she flew down in front of the bush.

"Dashie-no-offense-but-will-you-please-just-shut-the-HELL-up." whispered Applejack angrily.

"Sorry." she apologized.

Two spells casted, and the barely visible pegasi were hovering over the forest, hiding behind strategically positioned clouds. We waited for a bit longer, perhaps 5 minutes, when we finally saw Rarity arrive, walking hesitantly.

She was looking rather scared, and kept looking behind and around her, either to try and see us or anypony else. She apparently didn't notice anypony, since she quickly approached the spot, untied the saddlebags off her back, put them on the ground, and left without even looking past her shoulder.

It's on!

Hidden into the forest, we waited quietly for the kidnapper to pick up the bags. We had chosen to try and sneak up on them instead of plainly attacking, hoping to manage to get the fillies AND the money back, but we all knew that some kind of fight may be somewhat expectable, if anything went wrong. None of us wanted that, but there was a risk.

...

11:10

Nopony arrived, yet. The wind was blowing into the trees, making our the sound of our breath much less noticeable. We hadn't even thought of this particular aspect of hiding, until this moment. I looked up and noticed a slight deformation in the sky, in the shape of a pegasus tail.

The forest is pretty scary at night, I'll admit. We were only at the edge, but we already felt kind of oppressed, as if something was watching us, its stare always focused right where we were, just waiting for the right moment to attack.

Kind of like us.

The minutes kept on passing, each longer than the previous one.

11:30

The saddlebags were still laying on the ground. We could hear more noises coming from the forest, probably some critters passing by, maybe something bigger, but we tried not to care, as much as we were all shitting our metaphorical pants right now. Priorities first.

It was also getting cold, or so I though from feeling Twilight slightly trembling. That's one of the good things about being a dragon, your body produce fire. You don't get cold easily.

I thought about blowing some of my fire on her, but mentally slapped myself for this retarded idea when I realized it may cause a good part of the forest to burn down. Which wouldn't be really good for both discretion and our survival.

So I didn't, and contented myself of inspecting the forest as well as I could only with my stare.

And still we waited.

00:15

Bugger all.

None of us dared talking, but we all thought something wasn't quite right at the moment. We were getting really cold, and the spell had started wearing out a bit for Twilight and I. Applejack could be seen in the tree, from my point of view, but still not if you didn't know she was there.

We waited, waited and waited, hidden like idiots, silently, until about half an hour later, when Fluttershy flew silently above us, completely visible this time, and whispered for the first time, as quietly as she could (which meant we could barely hear her)

"Erm, I'm sorry to... disturb you but... why are they... taking so ... long?"

"I... I don't know." murmured mah sistah. "It's weird, they wouldn't ask her to come at such an precise time but be late to pick up the bags. Maybe they saw us?"

"D'ya reckon we should get 'em back already?" we heard a certain voice from a certain tree ask.

"I... I don't know. Wait, I'll check around a bit. Spike, stay here, if you hear me having any kind of problem, send the scroll."

I nodded silently, holding the parchment in my hand, staying hidden in the bush as the unicorn casted her own spell on herself a second time, got out of her hiding spot and started walking toward the bags.

She looked around the environments, making sure that nopony was arriving, and opened the bags, to check out the content.

Although it was pretty dark, with Luna's moon hidden behind clouds that were too high for the Pegasi to control, the look of surprise and shock could be seen on Twilight's face, and before we had the time to ask, she told us, without even bothering to whisper:

"Guys, come out, right now!"

"What, why?" we all exclaimed.

"Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy!" She shouted to the sky "Don't stay here, go searching around, the money is gone!!"

"What?" asked Applejack as she jumped out of the tree and almost fell onto Twilight Sparkle. "What in tarnat..."

She opened the bags fully, and after walking a few steps toward them, we could see what inside.

Rocks.

Dumb rocks.

"How in tarnation is that even possible?" asked Applejack.

We were back in Twilight's library, all 7 of us plus Big Macintosh, shouting more than discussing, wondering what the heck had actually happened here.

"Ah don't understand, we're sure nopony approached the bag, right?" asked the farm pony.

"We were all watching, nopony could have gotten close unless they were ACTUALLY invisible. And they'd have to open the bags anyway..." answered Twilight. "That makes no sense."

"Maybe it was another unicorn?" suggested Fluttershy. "I mean, Twilight can teleport objects, maybe that's what they did?"

"No, you can't teleport anything without the aura showing. I didn't see any aura, did any of you?"

We all answered negatively.

"Guys." started Rainbow Dash. "Did we even CHECK there was money in it?"

"Well, yeah, we all saw them when we-" started Twilight.

"I mean when Rarity got them to the forest." she interrupted. "Are we sure she brought money and not rocks?"

We all turned to the white unicorn, who seemed astonished..

"Well, of course I didn't bring rocks, Rainbow Dash." she answered defensively. "Are you... trying to imply something?."

"What? No, I'm not implying anything," answered the angry tomboy. "Why do you always have to assume I'm trying to imply something?"

"Oh I don't know, why are you asking as if I-"

"Girls!" silenced Twilight. "So, Dash, what do you mean, exactly?"

"I mean that the money could have been stolen before Rarity got the bags to the forest." answered the pegasus.

"Hm, that sounds plausible, yeah." agreed Twilight. "Rarity, you checked the bags before leaving, right?"

"Of course I did, my dear." she answered.

"When was the last time?"

"Just before I left home."

"Nothing happened before?"

"Well, no. I...I did go to... to the bathroom, but... I don't think anypony could have came in, I really just went to pick up a tissue."

She rubbed her eye subconsciously with one of her hooves, obviously trying to hide any trace of tears she made have cried earlier.

"But ya didn't check the bags again before leavin', didya?" asked Applejack.

"Well, no, as I said I wasn't in the bathroom for long, and I didn't hear any noise."

There was a bit of a silence.

"I... I guess a unicorn could have stolen it, I mean, unicorn magic doesn't make any noise." stated Twilight, unsure. "Your door and windows were closed, right?"

"Yes, they were."

"Well, can't you unicorn just open windows with your magic?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"She'd have heard it, ah'm sure." added Applejack.

"So, let me sum this up." concluded Rainbow Dash. "The money wasn't stolen in the forest because we would have seen it, it wasn't stolen at Rarity's house because she would have noticed, and it wasn't stolen before because ALL of us would have noticed, right?"

"Yeah." answered Twilight Sparkle.

"Then how in the hay did we end up with freaking rocks?"

We all though silently for a moment, trying to determine what to make out of the situation. A general feeling of fear, anxiety and incomprehension was invading the room, but most of all, the sentiment that we had been massively screwed had imposed itself in our mind and wasn't going to leave soon.

The silence was broken by Applejack:

"Well, ah... ah reckon this... this bastard tricked us good, but..." her voice was slightly cracking, and the curse wasn't enough to hide her discomfort. "But at least they ... they got the money now."

"I... I agree, darling." said Rarity.

"So what, you're just gonna let that pony get away with it?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Rainbow Dash, it's... it's not about letting anypony get away with something." answered the unicorn. "The only thing that matters is that girls are fine. If it takes a ransom, then so be it. It's... I think we just want our sisters back, really." she finished.

Your bet your ass they want their sisters back! It had been more than one week since nopony had seen the fillies, they were in the hooves of some weirdo who had the will to kidnap children and potentially hurt them just to get money, and who was apparently smarter than all of us reunited. I don't think saying that they wanted them back was really needed.

We all turned to Applejack, who nodded in agreement, and then to Big Mac, who spared us of any commentary about the situation, not even a little "eeyup".

When we came to the conclusion that all we could do was wait to have more informations - as the letter had specified - Applejack proposed we headed to Sweet Apple Acres to have some drinks, a dinner or something similar.

We were all feeling very tired, so apart from Pinkie Pie and I, everypony politely declined the invitation, but agreed it would be a good idea to do that tomorrow. A nice dinner together to try and calm down a bit about the whole situation.

Alcohol and food is the answer to all of your problems, kids, always remember that!

The goodbyes were said, and soon all of the ponies were walking out of the library and heading to their respective homes.

I tried to say something reassuring to the beautiful white unicorn, but I don't think she really listened to me.

Big Macintosh, on the other hand, asked me if ah wanted t'come earlier to th'barn t'morrow an' have a drink or two 'fore th'others arrived, to which I gladly agreed.

And so we went to bed, trying to look at the bright side of the situation. The ransom had been payed, the fillies were coming back. Everything wasn't going as well as we'd expected, but it was still better than yesterday, right?

Eeenope!

A big fucking mistake had just been committed. Now obviously, you only realize that kind of stuff later, don't you?

"Applebloom?"

The young pony turned her head to the origin of the voice, and found herself facing two fillies.

It took her way longer than usual to identify them, but once she did, a huge smile spread itself on her face.

"Heeeey, Scoooooot." she was instantly surprised at how slowly she seemed to talk. She forced herself to focus on her speech to be able to speak at a more normal speed. "An'... an' Sweetie Belle! How're you... doin'?"

"Great." answered the unicorn, in a rather tired voice.

"Yeah... me too." added the pegasus.

They looked at each others without saying anything, smiling, for maybe 5 seconds, or 10 minutes.

"What... where do you think we are?" asked Scootaloo.

"Ah've got no idea." replied the young earth pony. "Ah just... woke up."

"It's so... beautiful." stated Sweetie Belle, in a fascinated tone, looking around herself in admiration.

"Yeah." answered the orange filly, when she suddenly felt a pair of hooves wrapping themselves around her. "What are you... what are you doing, Bloom?" she asked, amused.

"Ah dunno, ah'm just happy t'see you girls." she said as she squeezed her friend tighter.

"Aaaaaw." exclaimed Sweetie Belle as she turned the embrace into a group hug. "We're happy to see you too, Applebloom."

"Yeah...." added Scootaloo.

They let the hug last for as long as they could, simply enjoying each other's presence, not saying anything.

It was weird. Never before had it occurred to any of them how awesome the simple fact of having each others was. Right now, it seemed like the only thing they could think of, so expressing it was obviously their most important priority.

Why it wasn't all the time was actually a good question.

The young pegasus eventually broke the silence and the hug all at once. She looked around herself a bit, at both of her friend and, with a mischievous smile forming itself on her lips, she reached a hoof forward to touch Applebloom's muzzle and declared, before running away in laughter:

"Tag! You're it!"