The Equestrian Autist

When I came to, I found myself on the console room floor. I struggled to remember what had happened. When I remembered the Doctor regenerating, I got to my feet to look for him. Only to fall right back down again for some reason. “Well, well. I see you’re awake,” said a voice with a british accent. I turned my head towards the owner of the voice and found myself looking at a brown earth pony.

Of course I knew about the background pony called Doctor Hooves, but because I wasn’t fully awake yet I didn’t recognized the colt. “It seems that rift did quite a number on you,” the stallion remarked.

“What do you mean “did quite a number on you”?” I asked in confusion.

“You haven’t realized it yet, have you?” the colt asked slightly uncomfortably, “I’d better show you as you probably wouldn’t believe it if you’re merely told. Hang on!” He proceeded to push a large mirror in front of me.

What I saw was the most surprising thing that day (and that's saying something). Staring back at me was a blue-eyed, purple unicorn with a silver coloured mane and tail and a microphone with music notes for a cutie mark.

At first I was too stunned to talk or move. Then I slowly got to my fee- hooves and tried to touch this pony. Seeing the purple stallion do the same thing confirmed to me what my mind already knew; that I was, in fact, looking at my own reflection and that I was, in fact, a pony.

After an awkward silence, the brown pony was the first to speak. “O, how rude of me! I haven’t introduced myself yet. Where are my manners? Anyway, I’m T-”

“The Doctor. Yeah, I know,” I said in a perplexed voice. What followed was the most deafening silence I had ever heard in my life.

“What else do you know about me?” The Doctor inquired, finally breaking the silence.

“Well, I know that you’re a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey of the constellation of Kaster borous," Marik answered. "I know that you travel in time and space with this machine, called the TARDIS, which stands for Time and Relative Dimension in Space. I know that you can regenerate and have just done so. Am I correct in saying this is your twelfth body by the way? And, most importantly, that I love seeing you at a loss for words.” I, having meanwhile stood up surprisingly easily, left The Doctor (indeed) at a loss for words.

Did I forget to mention, by the way, that I keep very calm in situations in which most people would be panicking? Oh well, now you know. On with the story!

Again, The Doctor was the one to break the silence, “Well… I seem to be at a disadvantage here.”

“Oh yes, of couse. I haven’t introduced myself yet either,” came the answer from a now recomposed Marik, “The name’s Marik. Glad to meet you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” The Doctor replied, having recomposed himself as well, “now I would just like to know, how do you know that much about me?”

“...Wait. You mean to tell me you don’t know? Millennia of time and space travel and you never once stumbled across it? Never once found someone who knows?” I said in disbelief.

“What are you talking about?” The Doctor expelled in confusion.

“What I’m talking about is Doctor Who. The TV show which has thousands upon thousands of fans! The TV show about YOU!”

“So that was the difference,” The Doctor mumbled to himself in response.

“Difference between what?” I inquired in confusion.

“Well, let’s just say that I didn’t fall through a hole in the time vortex to another universe just once today,” The Doctor answered nonchalantly.

“That would explain the lack of aliens in combination with your presence on my earth. With that said, I have just one question: why am I a unicorn?” I asked.

“That is a tad bit complicated. I believe you died in the jump between dimensions. That, in combination with you touching me mid-regeneration because of the turbulence, triggered a biological metacrisis. This, transferring the part of me that you needed most, gave you two hearts and the ability to regenerate, which you did. You are now the first human-timelord in existence. Well, technically second, but that was undone. I’m just happy it was a one-way biological metacrisis this time. No offence to humans but one human Doctor walking around is more than enough for me.”

“Welp, enough talking,” I said, cutting off the Doctor’s monologue, “Let’s see if I’m correct about what universe we landed in.”

“You mean you know?”

“Not for certain, but I have a strong hunch given our appearances.”

“Well let’s find out if you’re correct then!” The Doctor proclaimed as he opened the TARDIS door, the both of them having gotten used to walking on four hooves thanks to practicing while talking.

Author’s note: I’m sorry if I completely butchered regeneration and/or biological metacrises. I couldn’t think of any other way to turn Marik into a pony other than: “it’s magic!”